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anti-endo-haven · 2 days

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hi sorry about this but i figure this is semi-important. all of you should block @/galactic-net, they are spreading misinformation about osdd-2 and programmed did and being incredibly rude to anyone who corrects them which could be upsetting to some. do not harass, just block and move on.

-⚠️(☎️)

important!!

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starlitvases · 4 months

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I really need people to understand that when I and other systems say, "I'm grateful for my system and I'm happy that I'm a system," it does not mean that we wanted to be systems.

I never wanted to go through horrific abuse to become a system. I never wanted to be programmed to be a system. I never wanted any of that. I wanted a happy and fulfilling childhood, but I didn't have that privilege. I never did.

My system is how I survived. It's how I was able to cope and actually live and breathe. I'd be dead without my system. Do I hate how we formed? Of course, I do. Do I hate my system? Not even in my dreams.

I'm allowed to be happy as a system, especially if it's what saved me. I'm allowed to be grateful that my system kept me alive and has allowed me to begin healing. I'm allowed to have happy moments. Don't misconstrue my words, and don't belittle anyone else who shares the same sentiment.

#did system #dissociative identity disorder #programmed system #programming survivor #ramcoa survivor #ramcoa #dissociative system #traumagenic system #programmed did #im allowed to heal

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ridibulous · 5 months

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I'm having a bit of a normal one tonight so

• shoutout to hc-did systems who don't have a fucking clue what all their programs are or how exactly they work or how they're triggered and may constantly be living like they're walking on eggshells.

• shoutout to hc-did systems who have no fucking idea what the full extent of their trauma is and are terrified to figure out more and/or want to learn everything that happened so badly.

• shoutout to hc-did systems who don't know or understand everything about their innerworld. fuck it shoutout to hc-did systems who just Don't Know in general!

• shoutout to hc-did systems who don't have any "real" or "physical" proof of their ramcoa besides their own memories.

• shoutout to hc-did systems whos perpetrators never got a lick of punishment for what they did to you or others.

• shoutout to hc-did systems who actively want or are trying to get their perpetrators punished for what they did.

• shoutout to hc-did systems who can't have their perpetrators punished for what they did.

• shoutout to hc-did systems who might still be in danger. real or perceived.

this ramcoa shit is so confusing and exhausting and horrible and lonely and fucking (re)traumatizing and it's so hard. i'm tired I just want people to believe me sometimes but how much do I believe other people believe me when I share the sheer horrors that rear their ugly heads in our mind. from alters popping up or a memory just appearing out of nowhere to just whole somatic flashbacks. how much can we take? how much DID we take?

#hc did #ramcoa #tbmc #hc did system #ramcoa system #programmed system #programmed did #endos dni #endos fuck off #ESPECIALLY for this post #do not derail #this is like half of a vent post. I think

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pink-devolve · 2 months

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As someone who is a programmed PF-DID system, we need to stop using the term HC-DID. Here’s why ⬇️

1. The system that coined the term is a groomer and is anti-semitic. There is evidence(some screenshots included below) of the MayMay system(The 20y/o coiner of the term) being sexual towards minors up to 5 years younger than them. In MayMay’s discord server, 15 year olds are allowed in NSFW channels that have sexting in them. MayMay has joked about sexually assaulting a 16 y/o. There is a 15 year old that seems to always be with MayMay, and constantly talks about interacting with MayMay in a NSFW context. Etc etc etc. There have also been screenshots of MayMay using the term “Jew” as a derogatory insult.

2. The term excludes programmed systems that do not have a highly complex case of DID Many programmed systems can not use the term “HC-DID” due to having OSDD, not having PF-DID, etc. All programmed systems have distinct differences from non-programmed systems, but programmed systems without a highly complex case of DID don’t have a straightforward term to describe their experience. I’ve seen a lot of people use the term HC-DID and programmed interchangeably, and imo that’s not fair to other survivors trying to find community.

3. You can have a highly complex case of DID and not be programmed. You can have trauma that is just as extreme as the trauma experienced by programmed systems, end up with a highly complex case of PF-DID, and not be programmed. I’ve met some non-programmed PF-DID systems with insane system structures. One system I knew was not programmed, but had hundreds of different alters, all with very specific roles, hierarchy, and layers, that all fronted to do very specific tasks. They told me they had a specific alter who fronted to wash their hands, and another specific alter who fronted to sleep on wednesdays. Their case could absolutely be considered highly complex, but again, they weren’t programmed.

4. We have terms used/created by professionals, that don’t have any of these issues. The terms mind-controlled DID (MC-DID) and Torture based mind control DID (TBMC-DID) have both been coined by professionals, can be used with other plural disorders(MC-OSDD), or to describe all plural disorders at once(MC-system), can’t be used to describe non-programmed systems, etc.

Overall, I don’t have an issue with individuals that use the term HC-DID, I just think it’s annoying that it’s the default way to say “programmed system”. I honestly think the term is a fine way to describe systems with a highly complex structure, and should still be used in that context. But if we do that, the term should be open to non-programming survivors as well. There is absolutely no reason to fight over this term. It’s really not that deep. But if you’d like to debate respectfully I am happy to.

#actually did #ramcoa #did osdd #hc did #highly complex did #programmed system #programmed did #mcdid #programmed alter #tbmc #tbmc survivor #tw tbmc #tbmcdid #Tbmc did

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requiemsystem · 4 months

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TRAUMA IS A RESPONSE, NOT AN EVENT

Something we see a lot in the community is people playing "trauma olympics", and I want to explain why it just doesn't make sense to compare traumas. Trauma refers to an event, yes, but it's much more about how your brain responded to that event that determines if it was traumatic for you or not. Trauma is not something that can be universally determined, as everyone has different reactions to things. Two people could both go through the exact same event that may or may not be widely considered traumatic, and one could come out with PTSD or a dissociative disorder and the other could come out with no trauma response whatsoever. Factors that play into if something is traumatic for you or not include age, access to support, general abilities to cope with stress, genetics, and more. Please stop saying some people have it worse than others, we are all traumatized. Regardless of if someone has trauma you consider "big" or "small", it still impacted them greatly. - Veritas

#did osdd #did system #osdd did #osdd system #actually dissociative #osddid #ramcoa #programmed system #ramcoa survivor #dissociative identity disorder #other specified dissociative disorder #did alters #actually did #c did #complex did #programmed did #did alter #traumagenic system #osdd

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sysboxes · 1 month

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[Text: This system is currently questioning if they’re highly complex, please be patient with them.]

[Text: This system is currently questioning if they’re extremely complex, please be patient with them.]

[Text: This system is currently questioning if they’re programmed, please be patient with them.]

Like/Reblog if you save or use

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sys-thoughts · 5 months

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Traumautized people are going to produce traumautized artwork.

Whether it's a person writing about pedophilic / incestuous relationships in their fanfiction

Or a person painting horrible gore

Art is a coping mechanism. Art does not translate always to beliefs or instructions.

Someone writing a fanfiction about a pedophilic relationship is almost always a way to process their emotions about whatever may have happened to them, and that is okay and beautiful.

Love your art, it probably helped you in many ways

#hc did #ramcoa #trauma based mind control #programmed system #noahs sys thoughts #ptsd #tbmc #highly complex did #mind control #programming survivor #post traumatic stress disorder #cptsd #actually cptsd #ritual abuse #programmed did #this is a bit all over the place because im very tired

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pigeon-system-boys · 4 months

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-having DID isn't all sunshine and rainbows

-yeah I agree with that

-*showing not-sunshine-and-rainbows part of it*

-KILL YOURSELF

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thefimsubsystem · 21 days

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Dear subsystems/sidesystems. -Celestia

You do not need to justify your existence and why you have formed your subsystem/sidesystem

It's okay if you have low or high headcounts in your subsystem/sidesystem

It's okay if your subsystem/sidesystem is based on trauma or sources

It's okay if you have a hard time communicating or easy communication with the main system

It is okay if you have different or the same beliefs with your main system

It's okay if you don't have a specific place for your subsystem/sidesystem in your main system or inner world

#fictive heavy system #polyfrag system #traumagenic system #did system #plural system #programmed system #did alter #programmed alter #programmed did #subsystem #sidesystem

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crystaledhearts · 23 days

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Little things for us that I think others might be able to use. Sort of daily affirmations that can apply to some people.

Just because I am different with my experiences doesn’t make me fake.

My delusions do not mean I am faking.

My hallucinations do not mean I am faking.

I am not faking for using external communication such as a private Discord server.

I am not faking by switching rapidly during times of duress.

I am not faking by changing proxies during external communication to keep track of who is saying what.

Using external communication doesn’t mean I’m role playing as a system.

Using external communication is fine.

The voices in my head are not delusions or hallucinations as they feel different and are easier to hear, the whispers, screams, and sounds of sobbing are not alters.

Just because I do not know everything about what happened to us or about my system does not mean I am faking.

The breakdowns do not mean the things I see in dreams, nightmares, and flashbacks are delusions.

The breakdowns and my mannerisms prove that I am not faking.

I am not faking for being front for long periods of time.

I am not faking because I cannot hear others for long periods of time.

I am not faking for not knowing everything about myself.

The memories I have from sources could be covering up trauma that I am unready to face, it does not mean I am faking.

Just because I don’t know everything about a specific layer/subsystem/sidesystem does not mean I am faking.

I am not roleplaying, I have genuine trauma that is still unprocessed. I am not faking.

Not knowing everything about my programming does not mean I am faking.

Just because I do not know my cues/triggers for my programs does not mean I am faking.

My memories are not delusions, I am not faking.

The hallucinations I see do not mean I am faking. There are no ties to my CDD with my hallucinations, it does not mean I am faking DID.

I am aware of my system and can communicate at times. This does not mean I am roleplaying or faking.

I am a real system. My experiences are my own and they are valid. If someone claims I am fake, I know I am not and have a list to help ground myself.

I am not faking, all of those things happened. I did not make it up, they are not delusions.

I might add more to this list in the future if these help others as well. :)

#anti endo #ramcoa #ramcoa survivor #tbmc did #tbmc survivor #hc did #tbmc #tw tbmc #programmed did #programming survivor #tw programming mention

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anti-endo-haven · 29 days

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PSA: r/syscringe is telling everyone that RAMCOA systems aren't real, and are a conspiracy theory. Their only sources for this are the ableist Grey Faction, a sect of the Satanic Temple that denies dissociative identity disorder even exists.

If you even mention RAMCOA, the automod will pop up with a message linking to the Grey Faction website to explain why it doesn't exist.

It's incredibly important all RAMCOA systems are made aware of this before venturing in there.

RAMCOA survivors and systems are VERY real and not just some satanic panic or conspiracy theory thing that’s been made up.

It’s a serious thing that goes on and happens and is still happening.

I despise r/syscringe for shit like this.

I’m not TW ramcoa/tbmc/programming because this NEEDS to be known and made aware of.

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anonsystem · 14 days

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haven't been posting very much on here because everything I want to say is too revealing so here's a reminder to tbmc survivors: don't tell people your cues and triggers. don't tell people about your system structure. don't even tell people your parts' roles unless you really really trust them. doing these things will actively put you in danger. stay safe and drink some water <3

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cdd-problematics · 9 days

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Welcome !¡

[pt: welcome. end pt]

This is safe space for problematic alters / problematic systems. You can talk about your experiences or just vent about something.

TWs for the entire account: RAMCOA / OEA, pedophilia, incest, torture, CSA, SA, abuse, hypersexuality, self-harm, death, violence, blood, etc.

This is an anti-endo space. If you're neutral or don't wanna deal with syscourse you're okay, as long as you're traumagenic. If you support endos or are one, I'll ask you to kindly leave.

⚠ TW for blood in layout ⚠

About the people here

[pt: about the people here. end pt]

Mod Gore:

We are a C-DID / polyfrag, OEA system, you can use any pronouns with us, we are 21. We have a lot of problematic alters, alters that hold paraphilias, etc. We are mostly here to talk about our alters from problematic sources and other stuff.

Mod Rockheart:

We are a DID system, we use she/her and he/him pronouns, we are 21. We have alters from several problematic sources, and a few that can be considered bad people (headmates that hold bad stuff like internalized homophobia, transphobia, etc. others with no morals, and more). We want to talk about our problematic sources and also spread some positivity.

DNI & BYF

[pt: do not interact and before you follow. end pt]

dni if you are...

Pro-endos, endos, tulpas, multigenic, any non-traumagenic system and supporters

Basic dni criteria

Terfs, transmeds, etc

Syscourse blogs, shipping discourse

Believe in narc abuse or any cluster b abuse

Anti-neopronouns or anti-xenogenders

TransID / supporters, transRAMCOA and similar shit

Pro-shippers and any other term they use (recovering proshippers are welcome)

If you're here to tell us we are a "hypocrite" for not allowing proshippers, it's for our own comfort, we don't care about your opinion, fuck off

Pro-contact / anti-recovery paraphilias

Singlets

byf...

You can claim a sign off if you wish to

We will reserve the right to block anyone who make us uncomfortable

Feel free to ask any question about us or our alters

If we don't allow something here is for our own comfort, don't send asks about it, we will just ignore you

What can you do here?

[pt: what can you do here?. end pt]

Rant

Vent

Infodump

Request any post related to the blog

Ask questions

Talk about your experiences

Talk about OEA experiences

Ask Rules

[pt: ask rules. end pt]

Put proper TW and CW, we are people behind a screen, not robots.

Don't use typing quirks or if you do provide a translation.

Please try not to bring discourse / syscourse here (unless it's important for the topic you're touchin)

Taken anons: 🎸, 🐋

Other blogs:

System terms: @cdd-system-terms

System help: @cdd-system-help

Credits:

dividers: @/cafekitsune

acc layout: @/deertism

This blog is inspired by @/problematic-alters-unsilenced

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pink-devolve · 2 months

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One of the worst parts of being a ramcoa survivor is not having a space to talk about your story, because it’s too upsetting for other people to hear about.

Not only can I not vent about it, but I can’t even talk about the things I went through. I’ve had two therapists drop me because they couldn’t handle it. One time when I was in the hospital, my nurse started crying and had to go home for the rest of the day. One of my ex partners broke up with me because they didn’t feel comfortable being with a 🚦 survivor. And I didn’t tell any of them the heavy details of my abuse. Just me surviving something I was forced into was too much for them.

And that’s not unique, every ramcoa survivor I know that has tried to find help for their trauma has had similar experiences.

I’m lucky enough to have finally found a therapist that knows how to treat me. And a week ago I said something that had happened to me, and idk what happened. He jumped and said “oh my god” like he just watched someone get killed. He immediately apologized, but it hurt. Why did I have to go through something that is so revolting to everyone.

#ramcoa #actually did #hc did #tbmcdid #tbmc survivor #tbmc did #tw tbmc #tbmc #ramcoa system #ramcoa survivor #programmed did #programming survivor #programmed system #programmed alter

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requiemsystem · 4 months

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INNERWORLDS

TW for brief mentions of programming towards the end of the post innerworlds are something systems may or may not experience, they are essentially worlds inside the mind of the system where alters can interact with each other. they can be naturally occurring or intentionally created through visualization not all systems will have an innerworld, and for those that do, not all alters will always be able to access the innerworld. some alters may have limited access or no access at all, most notably hosts tend to have limited access or no access, but it varies system to system innerworlds can look like anything and widely vary in complexity, ranging from a single room to an entire world. there is no wrong way to have an innerworld alters may have different physical forms in the innerworld as well, these forms can look like anything. for example, alters can be non-human creatures or animals innerworlds can be representative of trauma as well, particularly for programmed systems, where the abusers may intentionally manipulate the innerworld to appear in a specific way. this does not occur for all programming survivors, but it does occur in some programmed systems. if your innerworld is representative of trauma, it may be beneficial to try to "reform" it to be a safer environment for the alters who live there once you are in a safe environment to do so - grey

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theforlorn · 22 days

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Do you have any advice for systems who are finding out that their system may be programmed?

Coming to Terms With Being Programmed

When you first begin to realize that your system may indeed exist due to even more cruel and strenuous situations than is typical it can be incredibly stressful and terrifying. Realizing in the first place that you have DID or OSDD can be incredibly difficult and in some parts scary. Though many feel comfort and safety within their system including myself, the initial experience of discovery can be jarring. Realizing you had endured a continuous amount of trauma long enough in your childhood to develop these kinds of disorders can be incredibly scary to realize and it often comes with beginning to remember bits and pieces that makes you realize you had been believing a lie about your own past for possibly decades. When you add on top of that a realization that someone wanted this for you- someone actively went out of their way to induce dissociative amnesia and differing alters in order to take advantage of that and force you to do things for them, it can be overwhelming.

It's incredibly hard for a lot of people to finally come to terms with being a programmed system. It took me so much time and pain and tears to finally reach the stage of acceptance that I did. And even then I sometimes struggle with doubting myself, even when my therapist reaffirms the fact that my DID was purposefully induced in me by my traffickers given the way my system functions and alters exist specifically for my abusers own purposes and goals- I struggle.

I may not have all the answers but I do have some advice for people.

Advice For Not Fakeclaiming Yourself

This part is something that, as stated previously, I personally struggle with. And you know what? That's okay. These things are hard and it's okay to not fully be healed yet. In my case I am still very young and only a little over a year into therapy for my DID and trauma.

Remember that it isn't actually that crazy or unreasonable for someone engaging in more extreme levels of abuse to be aware of methods such as programming. Though programmed DID (aka a purposefully induced case of DID and/or OSDD-1) can only be induced in childhood, OSDD-2 is a dissociative disorder which is also known to be the result of programming aka brainwashing and torture. These things are well documented.

An unfortunately true fact of this all is that sometimes very bad people especially those involved in organized crimes or cults, tend to share information or learn about tactics from various places. The information on how to torture people and force children to develop DID is already out there- bad people can get ahold of it because they seek out these kinds of things.

You are not alone in this- there are others.

You are not taking away anything from other survivors of various situations by suspecting or believing that your own abusers engaged in similar methods and induced a specific dissociative disorder in you when they knew you could dissociate.

Advice For Acceptance Of What Happened

Acceptance is another key part in all of this, and it is once again a very difficult thing to achieve and hold.

It is okay to still love your system even if it comes from someone choosing to induce it. Alters can still grow and change it takes a lot of time.

It's just as okay to hate your system or alters in your system. Some alters can exist to do harm to yourself and self-destruct. Some may just be cruel or ruin your relationships and that can suck to deal with. Especially for systems where alters are created by an abuser- this can happen and you're not bad or evil for it. You're dealing with the fall outs of torture and that never is an easy thing to deal with.

As much as you may be permanently changed from what happened to you- you are still your own person. They can never take away the fact that you survived. You made it through despite everything and nobody can take that from you either.

Getting therapy if possible is definitely helpful and a great thing to do

In general having friends who know about some of what happened and what you're going through is helpful. It helps you still feel like even in the face of everything you still matter (because of course you do).

#cult survivor #trafficking survivor #ramcoa #ritual abuse tw #mind control tw #organized abuse tw #organized crime tw #purposefully induced DID #hc did #programmed did #programmed system

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