i've actually made this post before somewhere but i'll make it again because i want to 🫡 i think the phrase "slutty little waist" has caused irreparable damage to a lot of people's minds (being dramatic btw) and pushed harmful thinking relating to skinniness = sexiness, even if it's unintentional... intention isn't really the point when imo and ime the way people talk about this so called trait tends to reflect from a mirror of conventionally attractive typical (cis) bodies where the defining feature is thinness/"fitness" -_-

saying that you're really into the typical broad shouldered v-shaped body and tapered waist is not actually like, subversive at all 😭 and on the inverse it's very indicative of the root of this issue that when i like search the phrase on pinterest or whatever i get borderline bodychecking/thinspo content as well where shrink wrapped skinniness has once again become a desirable trait repackaged in false projections of subversiveness/atypicality ... imo it's not necessarily the phrasing here nor the mindset of it all (i Love grab his waist and twirl him around...) but the idea of what that means to some people is really... warped. everyone on earth HAS a waistline and can therefore Have a slutty waist if they so want.

i also think an anatomy refresher is due to be honest because some people are straight up WRONG and i don't think it'll hurt... i study anatomy amateurly as an artist so i'm no expert lol 😭 but ok.

1st of all what people call the "waist" here isn't particularly accurate in a lot of cases. your natural waist is the smallest part of your torso, on some bodies, where it dips in the most, usually under your ribcage/above the hip. what people are usually talking about here are like, hips? the general hip area? (i can see what's happening here because the waistline does usually mark where the "smallness" begins in the typical examples, but it doesn't have to be all \ /-> | | you know.)

your torso is made up of a lot of muscles and fat that sit in different ways, and other than your spine, your hip bone is the only bone in all that meat and helps give shape to your body. i've marked ROUGHLY whereabouts the waistline (red) and hip line (blue) are on these bodies:

in all that is this screepy thing...

who also helps create my second favourite part of the human body (the hip dip <3). it's not lost on me that what a lot of people mean when they talk about this trait looks something like the bottom right figure above, but it doesn't HAVE TO BE... is what i mean. i'm saying all this anatomically because i think it's helpful to know what actually goes on in people's bodies in order to not glorify the single, typical (cis) men's glamourised body type of: shrink wrapped + water deficient + abs + broad shoulders + a pronounced latissimus dorsi (the "dorito" shape) and a tapered waistline that goes straight down. any of these features can be applied to multiple bodies but to focus on the waistline itself is crazy to me because it can look like anything in those images above.

now obv there is nothing WRONG with any of the body types mentioned and you're allowed to like whatever you want but projecting a specific kind of body as the only desirable thing with specific wording and an invisible barrier keeping pretty much every single other person out is... corny and rude and stupid. and pushing skinniness as the only hot thing is obviously harmful and stupid.

and most of all it is WRONG because and i will repeat this until i die: Every body type on earth has a waist, no matter how pronounced or not, and it can be hot or sexy or whatever. if you want. honestly to me the phrase has always applied to any kind of man or woman or oyster and Only applies to the waistline dip, and the beautiful thing about the waistline dip is it can be on any body and fatness is heavily happily included in that o_<✌️also i forgot to say but love handles are literally half of the entire point of living and love handles and wide hips and fat on your hips and stomach in general rules and not only should be included in this phenomenon but ARE... how are you going to have a slutty little waist if there's no love handles to cushion it. idiot. if nothing i've ever said is important let this be ☝️

me & my eating disorder.

i remember hating my body at 10.

i remember finding out about eating disorder tumblr. i remember taking cold bath after cold bath because someone on tumblr said itd burn calories.

i remember saving loads of “diet plans”, ana memes, desperately searching every day and night for more ways to lose weight and control my eating.

more ways to make myself fall sicker.

downloading app after app, fasting, restricting, counting calories, bmi, etc etc etc.

i cant look at food the same. i cant look at most things the same.

the most random stuff will trigger me and give me the strangest flashbacks.

trying to recover again, and again. only to fall back deeper into my eating disorder.

being on ed communities on tumblr, twitter & instagram.

making “friends” who help me starve and yell at me if i go over the calorie limit of the day, giving me punishments.

over exercising day and night, scrolling these ed communities every morning like a newspaper. every night like a bedtime story.

posting body checks, weight updates, finding thinspo.

binging and feeling terrible and losing my progress. then throwing it all back up and sobbing on the bathroom floor. or throwing it up into a bag in my bedroom and tossing it when nobody’s awake so they wont question why i was puking.

i have been doing this for 10 years.

its consumed my entire soul and being.

its never enough. my eating is the only thing i can control, and i might as well control that. my weight is the only thing i can control, if i try hard enough.

crying night after night after night on why im not skinny enough.

comparing myself to my friends, family, strangers. even children and cartoon characters. “god why cant i look like them?”

feeling absolutely fucking huge in a group setting and having silent anxiety attacks over it. running to the washroom to look at my body and see if i really look as huge as i feel.

being asked for a t shirt to borrow so it can be over-sized on my skinny friend.

watching the most disgusting youtube videos i could find of mukbangs so i would lose my appetite and never want to eat.

picking up smoking because i heard itd cause my appetite to suppress.

drinking green tea to boost my metabolism, chugging water bottle after water bottle, chewing gum all hours of the night, walking for over 3 hours a day for no reason, protein bars, laxatives, feeling jealous of sims, diet coke, making playlists of ed songs, hoarding food in my room, chewing and spitting, spraying perfume on food so i cant eat it, taking dinner to my room to “eat” then hiding it under my bed until people are asleep, finding out calories before consuming food, exercising in bed, hating yourself if youre even 5 calories over your daily limit, considering doing drugs to lose weight, being jealous of thinner friends, panic attacks when needing to eat in front of people, feeling like you need to self harm after eating for punishment, trying to burn off every calorie you ate that day, fainting, being dizzy, hair falling out, bruises everywhere, brain fog and constant fatigue, thinking constantly about your next meal and when the next time you’ll eat be and making the most of it.

yet it still feels, not enough.

my eating disorder will forever be apart of me. even in recovery, i think back of all of these things and it digs into me, ruining me, and scarring me.

introducing myself i guess

june 2022 i stepped on the scale for the first time in years and saw a 3-digit number (in kg that is A LOT) which was a huge shock for me

after losing over 10kg by restricting and starving myself i wanted to try to do this in a healthier way but i could not. the guilt from eating and not exercising, the obsession with becoming skinny, the self-hatred.

i have always been fat and a control freak so i knew i would probably develop an eating disorder eventually, but it never happened until recently and i can't stop anymore. but if this is the quickest way of losing weight i don't care, i just want to be thin.

so now i'm in this hellhole with you guys.

hello, my name is valentina (but i usually go by valya or tina)

about me:

18/05

diagnosed restrictive ana, addicted to fasting

istj

from europe

goth, nerd, weeb, bangya... you get the picture

asd, bipolar, was clean from sh for over a year but relapsed

my life is hanging by a thread and that thread is one (1) anime character i've been obsessed with for the past 5 years lmao im pathetic ik +a band i discovered at the worst possible time last fall

i have no idea why i made this post since this blog was intended to be just for me. i have been lurking here for some weeks before making this acc, mostly looking at thinspo so yeah.

i am not "promoting" eds or encouraging anyone to do what i am doing, please recover if you can.

Sweetspo Saturday

Hi y’all, so today is sweetspo Saturday.......

it speaks for itself. By the way, none of these are mine. I take no credit I have 0 creativity.

I dream of collarbones and thigh gaps, of hips jutting out and ribs just visible, casting shadows on porcelain flesh. I dream of crop tops and denim shorts, of thigh highs and sugar highs. And when I lay in bed at night, counting the calories of the day before my mind can’t help but wander, and I press into my doughy stomach, feel the hips hiding underneath, and remind myself how far I’ve come, and how far I still have to go.

Please listen, I know, I know it’s hard but listen, focus, you, you the most beautiful person on this whole entire planet you are going to make it, I promise you sweetheart, you’re going to make it. Think about it, think about how skinny you’ll be, how happy you will be, how you are going to be able to wear what you want, how you are going to be able to eat what you want and no one is going to make you feel bad for eating, no one. They’re going to be jealous, so fucking jealous, jealous of how you look and how you feel. They’re going to envy you. So stand up, keep your pretty head up and go. Exercise, drink water, eat less, eat healthy, sleep, do yoga, dance around. Get skinny and be finally happy. Please be finally happy.

You’ve been so disappointed in yourself lately. You’ve cursed those girls with a fast metabolism and regretted so much, sweetie. Countless of times you’ve thought, planned and wished to be skinny. I know you want this so badly, honey. But it’s never going to be given to you, sugar. You have to work for it and make yourself proud! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

I know you’re very impatient with your weight-loss. You want to lose it NOW and would do anything to wake up tomorrow at you ugw. But that’s never going to happen, doll. It’ll take time, but you will get there, sweetie. You just have to be persistent and never give up. The road is very long, and there will be days where it’ll feel hopeless, angel. But i promise you that those days where you feel incredibly sexy and comfortable in your own skin are just around the corner. You’ll get there baby, but it’ll take time. So don’t beat yourself up.

You’ll look good in everything; you remember that bikini with the cute print? yes, you’ll look beautiful in it. you won’t look like a fat pig.

people will be jealous; they’ll envy you. you’ll become thinner while others are getting fatter.

you’ll be dainty; you’ll be the lightest in the room. everyone will be able to pick you up effortlessly.

others will compliment you; people will look at you and say “wow, have you lost weight?” “you look great!” “i wish i looked like you.”

you won’t be able to keep more than a cup of food down; you’ve trained your body, you and your body both know its limits.

you’ll have power; you can can control how you look, you’ll have control. self control instead of eating everything in sight. you’ll be proud when you refuse a chocolate bar someone is offering.

are you going to keep saying “i’ll do it tomorrow”

or are you going to start today?

you’ll get there sweetie, make them regret the day they dare call you fat; they’ll start talking GOOD behind your back; “she is losing so much weight omg” “ i wanna look like her.” “im so jealous of her tiny waist.”

make it happen, you cause the gain of weight

and the loss of weight.

It's Okay!

You were really bad this weekend weren’t you? You ate fatty food and cheated on your diet? I know you bash yourself for pushing yourself further from your goal, but it was just Easter and you were enjoying spending time with your family. Unfortunately that included eating. Thin is all you think about cutie, why would you stuff your face uncontrollably like that, sugar? You can’t stop now, i know it’s hard but it’ll be worth it in the end.

Meanspo

Dear You,

You’ve grown up being the “big” girl. You’ve grown up being the “I want seconds” girl. You entered college being the “let’s eat out because it’s easier” girl.

When will you be the “I eat healthy” girl? The “people can pick me up” girl? The “I love my body” girl?

Today? Oh, right, you say tomorrow. Funny, that’s what you said yesterday.

It’s YOUR fault you’re fat. You don’t control your fatty urges to binge and stuff your face. One day, you’ll regret that. And that day is TODAY. If you regret it, then make a change. Skip that meal. Eat less calories. Exercise and burn what you have consumed and stored from your past pathetic eating habits. Get rid of your fatty urges. BECOME SKINNY…Become beautiful. Because if you don’t start today, you’ll only hate yourself tomorrow… again.

Do it. Do it so you can wear cute short shorts without everyone looking at your thighs and being disgusted.

Do it for that bitch who always called you fat at middle school.

Do it for that fuckboy who never looked at you as girlfriend potencial.

Do it so you can be confident.No seriously you’ll never be confident with that big tummy dude.

Do it so you don't ALMOST DIE in fitting rooms.

Do it for the cute clothes.

Do it for the summer.

Do it for the pool parties and how all of your friends will be SHOOK at your perfect body.

Do it for that life little baby. You deserve it. You deserve so much happiness.

Imagine you’re sitting at your desk in your perfectly decorated bedroom. You’re doing school work (all A’s of course), and since the lighting is good, you stop studying for a second and take a selfie.

You notice your collarbones are perfectly peaking out, and your chest bones are slightly visible. You have no makeup on but you still look absolutely gorgeous. Your flawless skin (that you got from not eating junk food all the time) looks great on your camera. Your thin arms look especially toned in this picture, and your smile is unforgettable.

You decide to post it to Instagram, and it instantly gets likes and comments saying how gorgeous you look. You want to keep studying…but the amount of likes and attention is distracting!

You think to yourself “Amazing how my life has changed. 30lbs ago I barely got 30 likes. My grades were bad and I had horrible acne…it’s so great what being thin can do to a person”

One day I won’t have to suck in

One day I’ll sit down and not have belly rolls

One day my thighs won’t touch

One day I’ll be able to see my ribs

One day I’ll step on the scale and smile

One day I’ll be able to smile at my protruding collar bones

One day I’ll wear the clothes I want

One day I’ll be confident

One day I’ll be skinny

do it for the boy who leaves your snapchats at read. imagine how quickly he’ll reply when he sees how good you look in your new body. do it for the girls you envy, the girls who show up in crop tops and short shorts whilst you hide behind a baggy sweater. imagine how proud you’ll feel when you can finally wear what you want and look just as good, if not better than them. do it for the people who bullied you about your weight and the boys who turned you down because of it. watch them gawk and whisper among themselves at how much weight you’ve lost. do it for the mean girls, the ones that walk around school like they own the place, the ones who’s parties you never get invited to, the ones that all the boys want. prove yourself to them. soon they’ll notice you and you’ll be too proud to care. own your new found confidence, throw your own parties, feel wanted. do it for the boy you’ve been crushing on since the first time you met. make him want you just as you wanted him. laugh at yourself as he chases after you. watch him suffer just as you did. do it for the bikini you’ve never had the body to wear. make your old self proud. wear that bikini. finally feel good in it. go to the beach and the pool and show it off. it belongs on you. do it for yourself. do it for your own happiness and do it right now. you deserve this. it might take some time and maybe you’re growing impatient. but it’s okay, everything good takes time. so be safe, stay strong, and don’t give up. this will be worth the wait. trust me.

I literally cannot fucking wait until I’m thin. I can’t wait to not feel like the outsider in my friend group. I can’t wait to not feel like the ugly friend. I can’t wait to be as thin as my best friend and for people to not see me as a charity case. I can’t wait to be able to go shopping and not worry about what will hide my fat. I can’t wait to see my collarbones and feel great in shorts. I can’t wait to be able to post selfies confidently from any angle and get as many likes as all the thin girls from school. I can’t wait to be someone else’s thinspo. I can’t wait to be happy with myself. I can’t wait to be thin.

Okie lovey, I know you might have had a rough couple of days or maybe you’ve been doing everything right and you just need a little pick me up. That’s okay too. I’m here for you, maybe not there physically but I’m still here. Make some tea, and take a bath; while you’re in there light a few candles and take time for yourself. Paint your nails read a book or simply think about bettering yourself. You’re almost there, I’m so excited for you! I’m going to be there when you cross that finish line (UGW). Finished with tea? Are you hungry? No. Exactly, chin up sweetheart, you got this. I love you

10 Reasons I want to be Thin

1. A flat stomach looks so good in anything. 2. No more armpit fat. 3. Finally have a thigh gap (again). 4. Feel beautiful and in control 5. people you already know will ask you how you did it, new people you meet will fall in love with you. 6. Go on adventures and have fun without worrying about your fat jiggling around. 7. Tan outside or at the lake without wanting to die because you’re too fat for a bikini. 8. Going out to parties and making friends because you’re confident and beautiful. 9. Not wanting to cry every time you see your full body in a mirror/ reflection. 10. Not crying in general anymore. Finally being happy.

11 Reasons Why I'm Doing This

1. To be the skinny friend

2. So I can be lifted up and be called light

3. To wear anything and still look cute

4. To have pretty bones to show off

5. To hear those words; ‘Have you lost weight?’

6. To not feel guilty when having a sweet treat (occasionally!)

7. To wear tight jeans and not have a muffin top

8. To not want to cry every time I look in the mirror

9. To not feel embarrassed in a bikini or swimsuit

10. To sit on someone’s lap without fear of crushing them

11. To finally feel happy with myself

They are in the kitchen making dinner. It smells so good, and all you want to do is have some. But would that make you happy? Would that food actually do anything for you? Sure, it would taste good. But as soon as you swallow, it would be gone. You’d take a drink of water, and the taste would wash away. Five minutes of fun, and then you’d be full. Full of food, regret, hate, shame, and disgust. Today would be yet another day wasted. So go ahead, eat the food. Be the fat tub of lard you always have been. Or don’t. Don’t eat the food. Be a day closer to your goal.

The choice is yours.

I'm currently 156.2... I'm so so hungry today as well. I did have that apple and I'm s hungry. It's nearly 10pm so there's still 2hrs left until I can eat. Im also tempted to lower the calorie count even further today, idk...being over 156 I felt like I need to do more. I don't want to see a number over 156 ever again, at any time of day. I need to do more and reach 150 at last.

Hb said he got me a snack pasta pot earlier. Its not the least healthy thing in the world but it's still a lot of carbs. I also don't know what type he got. Some are 300kcal, some are 500kcal. He asked later if I'd eaten it yet and I said no so now I'm wondering if he's suspicious of me. He did the thing again not long ago where he hugged me and seemed like he was checking the size of my back. I think if I don't have the pasta pot today, I'd have to say I'm saving it for breakfast tomorrow and I'd have to have something sizeable today instead. So i think I should have it today as my food. I wish I checked which one it was earlier. I want to go look but now I'm a bit worried hb might notice me going back and forth and wonder why I never actually take any food out of the kitchen, or that I'll look at the food and end up eating something. I think I shouldn't look until midnight when I actually plan to eat. Just means I won't know until then.

I did a very small workout though. Some strength conditioning stuff. It's very basic and most people would probably say it won't do much but I find it's better than nothing. If I wait until I have the energy to do a full Chloe Ting video or something, it becomes a rare thing. And then I have to shower afterwards and all that. With this I just do a little, it doesn't make me sweat, but it does make a difference. It'll be noticeable in about a week if I do it every day - or maybe longer since I'm in worse health now, but it will do something.

My heart just did a little weird thing. I hope it doesn't start doing that more and make me eat early again.

I need to try to walk a bit soon...I'm so exhausted today, probably from lack of sleep and lower food intake. At some point I need to do some kind of cardio though. Today I'm feeling weird just standing up to go to the bathroom though. It's frustrating how soon my body does this. I'm covered in fat. I ate earlier today. I ate food with carbs, protein and fat yesterday. I'm not malnourished. Fucking work with what I have.

I need to stay distracted for the next 2hrs then I suppose. I might make a new side Tumblr. I keep seeing sex stuff I want to reblog but I don't if it's super explicit, but then maybe I already reblog stuff that's too much for some people...but for me, thinspo and horny stuff kind of intersect. So I guess some things would go on both. But I should probably make a separate one and then I can post whatever I want. And it'll still be thinspo for me anyway because I'll be thinking I want to be skinny to enjoy doing that stuff.

vent.

so, i follow a LOT of these thinspo and pro ana blogs on this hellsite. And they fucking SUCK i mean they post horrible pictures of dying people and present them as beauty standards. Or goals. or whatever the fuck the point is that they are toxic and bad and shitty and make you feel bad and shitty. I am not a skinny person. I want to be. I think about it all the time. I do sit ups until my spine is bruised and i walk everywhere and i do things that get me injured, like i am now. I managed to displace a hip that’s now pressing on a nerve all from working my ass off and not taking care of myself. And i purge and i skip meals and i count calories. And this shit is unhealthy. Even though i do not by any means look like i have an eating disorder, i do. because healthy people dont vomit up grapes and water trying to be skinny. Both my parents are thick. My proportions suit me. I am not obese or even terribly over weight. but i think i am. when i look in the mirror i see a fat waste of space. and a lot of that thinking is perpetuated by these fucking blogs. And like, its not the blogs fault. I chose to follow them and read the posts and like the content and for a lot of people posting stuff like this is therapeutic. It does not mean anyone has to fucking look at it. it does not mean that the blogs should be taken down or reported just for posting ed themed content. but it does mean that for me personally, and really anyone who reads this, should not look at it. should not consume it. should not obsess over those perfect waists and ribs and wrists and collars and knees that are thin enough to break. im writing this to remind myself to unfollow that toxicity. to remind myself that underweight white girls should not be the goal. idk. i just really needed to put this somewhere and tumblr has always been a home for my bullshit, even on this new blog. 

Today would've been Recovery day 3. TW ED

I can't do it.

I just want to be thin.

I don't know why.

when I was a lower weight I wasn't happy and I still viewed my body negatively.

I'm a fucking failure, I'm going to have to go back to lying to everyone and making my life hell.

But I can't do this, at least not right now.

part of me feels like it’s already too late my ED is so ingrained in my personality that id be lost without it. However, I don't feel as if this is the last time ill try to recover.

I just want to be thin.

Eating disorders are the strangest diseases, on one hand I know I need help before I spiral out of control but on the other  hand when I eat like a functioning human being for a few days  the war inside my head becomes to  loud that I can't take it anymore. I will listen to the voices in my head now because I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to handle them.

When I first started to develop my eating disorder I pictured the end goal as a skinny, dainty and happy girl who would be able to fit in all the clothes she wanted. I believed this even when I was fainting from walking and scared of my heart stopping. Now all I see in the end is thin. just a number on the scale gone down. in fact I know it won't make me happy. but at least I will be thin.

Im sorry if this post was upsetting or triggering but its the only space I feel truly safe to vent in because I don't have to lie or feel shame. I won't be using this blog to promote any form of pro ana because I'm heavily against it and believe nobody should be subjected to seeing it. and I'm sorry to anyone I let down.

I will just use this as a space to document my feelings because its all to much to hold inside my head.

if you see this and are struggling from an eating disorder get help.

before its too late.

if your looking for a sign believe me this is fucking it.

my biggest regret in life is not taking help when it was offered to me.

you need to get off Tumblr and all this pro ana bullshit and run.

eating disorders aren't to be glamourized they are a life threatening mental illness.

my god I want to get rid of my anorexia I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

I don't even have a purpose or a goal anymore.

I don't have a goal weight or thinspo dreams.

I just can't handle the living hell my thoughts put me through everyday, so I continue.

I'm aware its most definitely going to back fire and ruin my life.

Eating disorders have already ruined my life.

I don't know if I will ever be happy.

if you do not want to help yourself please help me.

see a doctor for me, open to someone for me call a helpline for me.

I want to see everybody beat this because I know I'm not alone.

I never want to see anybody go through this.

trust me it is NOT WORTH IT.

I've been at my gw and absolutely nothing changed in fact everything was 10millon times worse.

I saw myself even more disgusting than before.

a number on a scale won't make you loveable beautiful or worthy.

it will never matter how you look because EDs are mental disorders not physical ones.

I was so starved my body physically made me gain some weight back.

I know now should've gotten help.

I don't feel dainty and pretty.

I feel like a shell of a person.

I feel stuck in a never ending cycle destined to yo yo between the same 10lbs until the end.

you have to stop this.

please start to consider recovery regardless of weight.

everybody deserves recovery.

you deserve to love life.

Piggy 6-25-18

I've never been so heavy and it's super depressing. I'm guessing I'm somewhere around 170lbs and 5'5" which is disgusting!! But I saw a thinspo post that really hit home for me so I'm going to fruit/veggie/liquid fast until I feel thin enough to eat an actual meal. I have a fruit cup for lunch and have had a starbucks refresher to drink. I might pick up another fruit cup for later if I think I'll faint but I doubt it. I've also been self harming more recently which is taking its toll on me and my relationship with my boyfriend. But im 45lbs heavier than when we started dating and I just want to give him the skinny girl he deserves.

tw eating disorder and mention of ed triggers and habits

disclaimer: i do not condone or recommend ANY of the things im about to say that i do. i am very unhealthy, both in mind and in body, PLEASE do not do anything that i say i do.

(also im sorry i cant put any keep reading tabs in these posts, but i dont have my laptop with me)

how it started is a hard question, because i don't know if anything truly kicked it off.

i've been overweight my whole life. my parents, my grandparents, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, almost my entire family are all overweight. because we live in the american southern states, where food is usually something that is eaten and eaten until you can no longer stand it. and my family are very versed in that aspect of "southern culture".

but my parents knew what they grew up with, being overweight, and what physical problems they were already facing because of their weight around the time i was born. and, eventually, they were determined that i would not be like them. they had me on my first diet when i was......maybe 6? almost as far back as i can remember. they had me counting calories when i was about 10. they did alllllll the fad diets and made me do it with them, and they still do fad diets all the time. they always told me i was too big, told me i needed to lose weight. and i agreed, i still do (obviously).

i think all of that had a huge impact on developing an ed, for me personally.

as far as triggers, it's complicated.

part of the illness, typically, is the compulsion to trigger yourself intentionally. it can be by looking up things like thinspo/meanspo/sweetspo (if you don't know what any of those are, just let me know and i can explain), watching movies about eating disorders, joining an eating disorder community on social media, watching eating disorder vlogs on youtube, any number of things. (personally, the only two of those that don't affect me are meanspo and sweetspo)

one example i think about a lot when i think about triggering myself at points is this: there was an ateez video in which san mentions wooyoung's weight loss and states how much he lost in how much time.

i saw atiny talking about it on twitter, warning people who could be triggered by it that it was in the video at this specific minute mark, before i saw the video.

so what did i do the moment i heard about this probably very triggering content from someone i love and adore? i played the video and skipped to that minute mark. just to watch that one part.

and hell yeah it was triggering. i think i fasted for a week after i watched that clip over and over and over and over and over and so on.

and that's no fault of san or wooyoung or atiny or anybody, it's my own fault. it was me INTENTIONALLY triggering myself.

edit lol cause i forgot something: sometimes just looking at idols can be my own personal self-triggering method. as fucked up as that is bc of the pressures and diets they get forced into. but it's involuntary. and usually, it isn't that they're so skinny, it's that i'm so.....not. and how they would think of me. (even though the people i stan would not think this way of me, it's just what my disordered thoughts tell me) i look at an idol i love, younghoon for example, and immediately what runs through my mind is how fucking disgusting i am and how he would probably hate me and be just as disgusted with me as i am with myself. even though that is ENTIRELY inaccurate and ridiculous. but those are the involuntary thoughts i have. then i get really sad because for around an hour or two i can't look at my own bias without wanting to cry and it's my own fault.

now, abt continuous or not, I'd say it's not? but it also absolutely is.

there are periods where i eat totally normally, or at least half decently. i don't feel guilty about it either. but in my head, all I'm thinking is... "you're such a faker, if you can eat normally like this then you don't have an eating disorder. stop trying to be a little attention seeker."

but one thing that kind of brings me back to knowing im not faking it is that, fact is: if i was pretending to have an eating disorder, i could stop. i could delete my calorie tracker, i could stop weighing myself every day, i could eat food and never even think about calories, i could delete my fasting tracking apps. but i cant. doing any of that sounds like my worst fucking nightmare.

gddd those posts where ppl are like "i love thick girls!" or "black women are so beautiful" and then they show 3 different pics of skinny hourglass-shaped women are so fucking triggering for me. i dont find myself wanting to relapse until i see shit like that and im saying that because im close to relapsing right now. i wont be surprised if i get up in the morning and start eating one meal a day again.

i think "cost of lyposuction" and "chin reduction surgery" are my most searched google searches.

no matter how much i try to convince myself that my body is fine the way it is, a big part of me STILL wants to get surgery to look different. and i know damn well that even if i did get those surgeries id STILL hate my body because body dysmorphia is such a huge bitch.

"thickspo" is just as bad as thinspo honestly its the same shit without em ESPECIALLY if youre a black girl and it fucked me up as a kid.

and it doesnt help that people make CONSTANT u solicited comments about my weight and my mom always tries to get me to diet or focus on losing weight. this is not the type of environment ill ever be able to recover in.

dear self, please eat less. please stay strong. please run for longer. please stay in control. please don’t gain weight. please go to bed feeling empty. please, please, please don’t binge. please don’t forget why you are doing this. Source: ninetyfour-pounds ------------------------------------------ http://stickthinbones.tumblr.com/post/4526032368/now-im-not-a-saint-but-im-not-a-sinner-everythings ------------------------------------------ Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. ------------------------------------------ let’s focus on the unattainable, my dears. on the lovely bones that everyone desires, but that only some of us will be strong enough to fight for. focus on your ability to control yourself, even when you think you want to give up and let go and forget about everything. clear your head, re-focus, keep going. this is not unattainable if you are willing to focus on your goals, everyday. we’re all in this together, if you fall off track, there will always be someone there to help you up. this will take time and effort and dedication, but you WILL be thin and lovely, you will the unattainable. Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears. This is it. Today I am putting my foot down. Today I am putting my life on track. Today I will start to stop listening to my cravings. I really need this. I really really really do. peanutbutterwarrior: When you’re not used to exercising and then you start doing it consistently you’ll notice that you tend to be hungry more often. EAT! This is your body telling you that you’re working harder and it needs more nutrients to keep it going! This isn’t a challenge of how much self control you have when it comes to food. Listen to your body and EAT! Source: peanutbutterwarrior “Everybody says I’m not fat, but nobody says I’m skinny.” “B-ecause I-m N-ot G-ood E-nough” “It’s because I’m not skinny,isn’t it?” My goal is to be so thin that other girls use my pictures for thinspo. I know this isn’t very good, maybe some tips will motivate you? I’m going to probably look at this everyday. When you feel like binging & giving up.. Think about why you started. Your thighs touch. You have cellulite. Your hips are surrounded by fat. Your stomach sticks out & you can grab… im constantly stuck between “i want to be skinny why am i so fucking fat” and “im beautiful the way i am” there is no in between for me Pro-Ana and Pro-Mia - Pro Ana Tips youhavetoeatlesstoweighless.tumblr.com WARNING: My posts might be triggering. If You Don’t Like What I Write, Don’t Read It. I made this blog for my own weight loss, I never thought I’d get followers or questions, but I’m more than happy to help so feel free to visit my ask :) Don’t bother with hate, I delete most of it or i’ll be a bitch back. Start Weight: 176lb Goal: 96lb Weight: 118lb Daily Tips, Tricks and Advice! THIS IS A THINSPO PRO ANA PRO MIA BLOG. people shouldnt eat today StayStrongAndBecomeBeautiful!<3 Pro Ana Tips Tips and Advice Drink one glass of water every hour. It will make you feel full. Drink ice cold water. Your body will burn calories just getting the water to a normal temperature to digest. Also it is great for your complexion. Drink 3 cups of green tea daily. It will help boost your metabolism, plus its anti-oxidants make your skin look great. Take vitamins daily. Do not take vitamins on an empty stomach, otherwise they have nothing to catalyze with. Eat ice or gum when hungry. This will make your body think it had food without the calories. Do aerobics until you want to faint. Eat spicy foods. They raise your metabolism. Take cold showers because your body will burn calories to heat you back up. Brush your teeth constantly so you won’t be tempted to eat afterwards. Wear a rubber band around your wrist. Snap it when you want to eat. Clean something gross (toilet, litter box, boyfriend’s closet) when you want to eat. You will not want to eat after cleaning a litter box. Keep your hair in good condition so no one will suspect anything. Get a job so you’ll have to work through meal times. Exercise twice the amount of calories eaten. Use smaller plates and utensils so it seems like you ate more. Instead of diet soda, drink carbonated water; the gas in it helps you feel full without any of the calories. To kick it up a notch add a splash on lemon for taste and to boost the fat burning down a glass of ice water while you’re brewing your morning coffee. This has been working like a GEM to me, apart from drinking ice-cold water, suck on ice-cubes. These will numb your tongue and all food tastes the same after that – you won’t crave for a thing! If you don’t require your taste buds to sense your great-tasting food, you can try numbing your tongue before your meals as well, so that you eat based on how filling the food makes you feel, rather than how yummy the food is. However, if you require the taste/smell of the foods to keep you sane, stick with it and only numb your tongue in between meals (especially near snack-attack times or supper times). Stay away from sandwiches! They are just about the worst kind of food when you are on a diet. First, they pack a lot of food into a small space, leaving you relatively unsatisfied for the number of calories you’re consuming. Second, they are designed to be eaten quickly – a big no-no for anyone trying to lose weight. Third, they tend to come with a lot of empty calories – sauces, too much meat filling, etc. And finally, sandwiches treat bread as a vehicle for food, not as food in itself, thus adding a lot of unnecessary calories to what might otherwise be a sensible meal. If you absolutely must eat on the run and need a sandwich, make sure to use a low-calorie bread (Weight Watchers whole grain will set you back about 50 calories per slice), use lean meats, stay away from sauces (especially mayonnaise!), and pack your sandwich with lots of leafy vegetables (baby spinach is my favourite). Chew eat bite of food thoroughly and then take a sip of water between bites. You will feel full quicker and will not eat as much. Say you are going to eat at a friend’s house and instead go for a walk. You will be burning calories instead of taking them in. Buy clothes that you can’t fit into and hang them wear you can see them. This will motivate you to lose weight to fit into them. Sleep at least six hours a day. If you get less than six this can lower your metabolism by 15%. If you start to feel hungry do sit ups or punch yourself in the stomach. You will not feel hungry anymore. Pamper yourself! Give yourself a facial, paint your nails, anything to make you feel pretty. Make yourself a snack, but instead of eating it throw it away. Leave the dirty dishes where your parents can find them. They will think you ate. Prepare a list of excuses as to why you can’t eat - You’re sick, you’re a vegetarian, allergic, etc. You’d be amazed at how many good excuses there are. Get out of your house! If you’re not sitting around then people can’t start shit with you about not eating. Join a pro-ana group or start your own website. Anything that will keep you motivated. Make an ANA scrapbook with pics of skinny models. Right down all the reasons you want to lose weight. Keep track of everything you eat. Look at it daily for thinsperation. Here are tips on water: Drinking ice cold water makes your body burn more calories, because your body has to work harder to raise the temperature of the ice cold water to your body temperature (which is around 98 degrees) Drinking an 8-ounce cup of ice-cold water burns approx. 8 calories depending on your BMI Drinking 8 glasses of iced water a day and burning about 8 calories for each glass = 64 calories burned per day Over a year you can imagine the calorie loss…. 64 calories burned per day equals almost 6 pounds of fat lost! And remember, the more you drink the more you lose, Christina Ricci once said that she drinks 4 litres of water a day!! (please don’t go over 4 though, it can be dangerous as much more than that will dilute the sodium content in your blood and can lead to a stroke - try 4 litres, you’ll have GLORIOUS skin) Keep good posture, burns 10% more calories when you sit up straight. Instead of food, buy something else, a new shirt, flowers, jewelry etc. Make a list of all the “bad” foods that you crave and tend to binge on. Each day, pick one to take out of your diet that you absolutely, no matter what, cannot eat again. Take one off the list each day until there are no more bad foods you can have. Avoid alcohol! A shot of liquor has 100-120 calories, a glass of wine has 80 calories, a lite beer has 110-120 calories, and a regular beer has 140-170 calories. Never eat anything bigger than about a cup, your stomach will expand and then you’ll get hungry more. Eat in front of a mirror naked. See how much you can eat then! The smell of coffee is suppose to suppress appetite. Wear perfectly applied lip gloss. It makes you more aware of what’s going in your mouth. Also, flavored ones help with cravings. Paint, the smell of paint craves hunger. Have 6 small meals a day. Take 2 apples, and split them so you can make 6 meals out of them. That way your body will be tricked into thinking it’s eating more. Low calorie hot chocolate curbs chocolate cravings, and makes you feel full. Take a picture of yourself wearing a bathing suit or something equally revealing, look at it when you want to eat. It takes 20 minutes for the brain to realize the stomach is full. When you get hunger pains curl into a ball, it makes them go away. If you’re a smoker and hungry, light up a cigarette. It curbs your appetite. Eat lots of fiber. It makes you feel full and takes fat with it out of your body. The natural cleansing helps improve both your energy level and overall feeling of wellness. Before you dig into that cake, bag of chips, candy, or whatever, take a deep breath and count to 100. Usually by the time you get to 100 you will have convinced yourself that you don’t really want it. When you’re hungry chug 2 glasses (or how many you need) of straight water. It’ll make you so full and nauseous you will have completely lost your appetite. Celery actually burns calories. Every hour eat a stalk of it. Not only will it fill you up, but it will also get your metabolism kicking. Weigh yourself before and after every time you eat. Not only will it eliminate unnecessary eating, but it will make you want to eat less when you see the numbers creep up. Avoid all nuts – they are the most trickily high-calorie foods ever. 5 macadamia nuts are a caloric equivalent to one very large apple (WITH skin). Avoid dairy, especially cheeses. Always choose low-fat milk or skim milk. Half a cup can stave away hunger. Take calcium tablets with your meals. Obviously, no chocolates and chips. Avoid dried fruits – eat the fresh fruit equivalent instead!! Pile up on your veggies, and eat only pinches of the chicken/fish mentioned earlier. Carbs are OK but don’t go overboard. Try cooked rice the size of your fist. If you must have noodles, don’t go for those mixed in sauce. Always go for soupy noodles (clear soups are best) and eat with chopsticks if you can. Try to select less sugary fruit. Examples of sugary and starchy fruit include grapes, bananas, kiwi, mango, papaya. Have apples, pears, oranges instead. Cut the fruit and share with the rest of your family. Preserve with sprinkled salt and store in your fridge. Replace oil with unsweetened applesauce, just use the exact same amount of applesauce as you would oil. 1 cup of oil has 1909 calories, while 1 cup of applesauce has 105 calories. It works best in sweet baked goods. http://www.ehow.com/how_4535777_substitute-applesauce-oil.html Secondly – Try using egg substitute for eggs, whole eggs have around 75 calories, and 1 egg’s worth of egg substitute has around 30 calories. They usually work quite well, and unless it’s egg based doesn’t change the taste. Lastly, use lite milk instead of full cream, which is about 130 calories a cup. OR even better, use lite SOY milk which is about 60 calories a cup. This may sound a little odd but if I have a goal weight or something motivating me to stick to dieting I’ll write it on my legs, or stomach or something. This works best during winter when no one else will see your legs, etc. I’ll write my goal and every time I change clothes I see it and am reminded. It’s another way to stay strong. Just make sure not to do it where others can see. If you think your new eating habits have concerned a friend, family member, etc., a good thing to do to help convince them that you’re your old, bigger self (ha ha) would be to eat fast food! You can go to a fast food restaurant, get a salad (sans dressing, of course) and a water, consume the food and drink, and then leave the bag lying around anywhere where you are sure someone will see it (your car, table, top of the trash). It’s also good to ask the person serving you where you got the food to put the water in one of the place’s regular drink cups. Then, you have more evidence (;. When someone sees a fast food bag on your table, they’ll think “Hm, so-and-so can’t be trying to lose weight or get thinner–they eat junk!” Before eating your meals, eat a raw whole fruit and/or drink 250ml of water. Intake of water speeds up your metabolism, also RAW fruits are harder to digest than cooked vegetables/fruits thus your body will break down a lot more sugar storage in your body to digest these. You will be pretty full after a whole fruit (think apple or orange) and water so you’ll be less likely to eat your actual meal. Sprinkle Benefiber in your water, tea, or yogurt. It’s high fibre will fill you up and keep you skinny Cut out all drinks except brewed green tea and water. After a week, you’ll really lose the taste for such “flavored liquids”, I swear. Chocolate Ovaltine. It’s only 20 calories per tablespoon (enriched with vitamins and minerals). I’ll put two tbs in a glass of unsweetened vanilla almond milk for a creamy, rich dessert or snack for less than 100 calories. If you have a retainer, wear it. It’s especially helpful when you think you’re going to binge, or when you’re just under your calorie limit, or between meals. Be careful who you tell. It’s great to have online friends – in fact, I would encourage it – but unless you’re 100% positive that your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend will understand or help, DON’T TELL THEM. But, if you’re sure a friend or your boyfriend/girlfriend will be supportive, ask them to help you stick to your plan and meet your goals. Read the nutritional information. Remember, fat-free does not mean calorie-free. Also keep an eye on fiber content. Get as much fiber into your diet as you can, while cutting fat and calories. Don’t eat a lot at once. Spread your food throughout the day. This will help to avoid binging and keep your metabolism going. If you like to drink alcohol, you’ll like this. Make a rule: You can only drink every time you lose 2lbs. So, if you lose 4lbs a week, you can drink Friday and Saturday night. However, if you only lose 2lbs a week, you only get to drink one night. Do not eat in front of the computer or TV. This distracts you from recognizing you’re full. Save the money you would have spent on that meal in a jar. Save it in a bottle instead and watch it grow. Stay away from Slim-fast and other so-called “healthy” candy bars and shakes… one look at the nutrition facts will tell you why. With all the carbs and excess calories you may as well go eat a freaking pie or something. Not to mention the ridiculous prices… save yourself the money, and the calories. Instead of buying food, buy yourself flowers. Food is depressing, but flowers make you happy. When having cravings drink a couple glasses of water with slices of lemons and count to 100 and it should go away. Eating 100 cals 4 times a day is better than eating a 400 cal meal. An occasional binge doesn’t hurt, in fact it’s quite beneficial if you have reached a plateau (stopped losing weight). Your body will think you have stopped starving yourself, and you will drop at least a pound overnight! Just don’t binge too regularly! Someone told me that if you take a pure cold bath for 15-30 min and lower your body temp, your body burns around 200 cals for every degree it has to raise itself to reach a normal body temperature. This person tried it, a 30 min bath lowered their temp about 3-4 degrees Always remove skin from fruit like apples and pears. Never have egg yolks, only egg whites. Avoid all fried foods. Avoid all red meats. Stick to chicken or fish (steamed) for protein. Learn to LOVE that empty feeling in your stomach. Trust me, you’ll feel disgusting when it starts filling up again. If you must eat, ONLY eat when people are watching you. All other calories are eaten in vain. Pay close attention to other girl’s bodies. Pick them apart – try to find faults even with the best bodies. Then apply these high standards to yourself. Live by the scale and the measuring tape. Unlike people, they will not lie to you. Sleep at least 6 hours a night. Less than 6 hours sleep a night stimulates appetite by 15% Buy tiny little clothes – the nicer, the better. Get that sexy cocktail dress or the expensive designer jeans you’ve wanted but buy them one or two sizes too small. You’ll be inspired to slim down so you can fit into them. Try them on regularly to monitor your progress. Keep in mind: if your skinny friend eats a lot, that DOES NOT mean you can, too. Never eat anything bigger than your fist. If you have to stretch your lips, it’s TOO BIG. DIET SODA! It’s amazing – it’ll fill you up and after a while, it actually tastes better than regular. Compete. Compare your body to your friends’ and co-workers’ bodies. Are you the thinnest? If not, why not? If you are, think about how jealous they are of you. Eat on lighter colored plates whenever you can, you will eat more on a darker plate. When you’re exercising, listen to music or watch TV. It helps pass the time and you exercise more without realizing it. Take a Niacin (Vitamin B3) supplement. If you don’t get enough through your diet everyday (15mg or so), a deficiency can decrease the efficiency of your metabolism (and immune system). It’s also good for keeping your skin and hair healthy; detoxing because it promotes more blood flow to your skin and organs; and promotes good cholesterol as well as nervous system. Though it will turn you red so take it before bed or buy the no flush kind. Exercise every day, even if it’s only for 15 minutes. Take 5-10 minute chunks out of the day and do 100 crunches, or run in place, or take the dog for a walk. These shorts burts of exercise will help fuel your metabolism and burn calories. They’re easier to swallow than a longer exercise regime. Resist the temptation to take a nap after a large meal. If you stay awake a few hours longer and take a 20 minute walk, your body will use some of the extra calories for energy instead of storing them as fat. When eating out, order something small and inexpensive. Usually, inexpensive means less. If you order a salad, make sure you skip the dressing. Start to hate butter. Even a tiny amount can have excessive calories. Sit up straight. You’ll burn at least ten percent more calories sitting upright than reclining Eat slowly. Put your fork down between each bite. If you’re right-handed, try eating with your left, or vice-versa. You’ll eat a lot less this way. Thinspo is your best friend. You think you’ve lost weight? Check out some fashion models or skinny celebrities online and you’ll realize that you can probably do better. Chew sugar-free gum. It curbs your appetite and keeps your mouth busy so you won’t want to put anything else in it. Gives you fresh breath too! Eat to live, not live to eat. Food is about sustenance to feed your body, not a substance to heal your soul. If you feel that you eat not to fulfill a physical need, but an emotional one, try to look within yourself to figure it out. When eating with others, cut your food up into really tiny pieces and move it around the plate. It makes it look like you ate a lot more than you really did. When you feel the urge to eat, start by drinking a cup or two of water or a zero-calorie drink. See how you feel after five minutes. If you are still hungry, grab a low calorie snack. If you are going to eat dinner, have a snack 20 minutes before. The secret is to eat foods with “good fat” such as nuts or avocado slices. It takes 20 minutes for your stomach to tell your brain that you’re satisfied For those that exercise at home (or have privacy)–exercise in your underwear. They are far less forgiving than workout pants and can really motivate you to go for an extra ten minutes. Eating five walnuts or eight almonds (approximately 65 calories) stimulates production of cholecystokinin, a hormone that slows your stomach from emptying so you feel fuller much longer If you’re feeling super starved, eat a handful of popcorn. Air-pop it and eat it slowly. Do not use butter or salt. This will help fill you up, while only setting you back about 30 calories Try to only eat in one room in your house. The kitchen is usually the best place. Make sure you keep your bedroom strictly a food-free zone, this is your best sanctuary when times get hard. Keep a food journal or diary. Writing down what you eat and the calories can really encourage you to eat less. Look at it often and frequently. You don’t realize how many calories you consume in a day until you are forced to look at it – it will make you sick. Also, you can add a calorie counter gadget to your blog which is very handy! Drink ice cold water. Your body has to burn calories to keep you body temperature up! Throw away all clothes that are too big for you – don’t keep them for “just in case”. When you are hungry, boil or microwave water and put a chicken or beef broth cube in. They’re only 15-20 calories and the taste makes you feel like you ate. Drink water with the juice of one lemon before every meal. Citrus shrinks your stomach and is a natural appetite suppressant. And you get your Vitamin C which is a powerful detoxifier and helps strengthen your skin. Put a mirror in front of your refrigerator or pantry – see if you’ll be able to pig out then! Protein is super important because it helps to keep your muscles functioning properly and your heart is a big muscle that needs help when keeping super skinny. If you don’t want to eat a lot of it, get some canned tuna and eat that. Fish is naturally low calorie anyway but the taste of the tuna will make you want to eat less of it! When in restaurants, ONLY order off the appetizer menu, and ONLY eat half of it. For example, if you order an appetizer of chicken wings, only eat 3 of the 6. If anyone asks, just say you’re not that hungry. When eating at home, eat your meals on salad plates. This way you’re consuming less. No meal should EVER be more than 400-500 calories. Brush your teeth frequently – at least 3-4 times a day. Not only will this give you a great smile and keep your breath fresh, but you’re much less likely to want a snack after brushing your teeth. My favourite skinny tip is sugar-free jelly! It comes in so many flavours and it’s only 10 calories per serving. If you add in some plain gelatine but no extra water it makes it firmer, and somehow better. The kind I use only adds about 5 calories per serving. It makes nails grow faster too! Sometime I’ll add two teaspoons of cayenne pepper for an extra metabolism kick–spicy, sweet and delicious! Drink some cider vinegar – it curbs your appetite, speeds up metabolism and detoxes your liver and basically flushes you out. One thing to help you lose weight fast is detoxing. Some claim to have lost up to 20 pounds through detox. There are many ways and some are inexpensive – ways that won’t get your family and friends raising eyebrows when they realize you are having colon irrigation etc. These are natural ways which include things you can get from the supermarket or in your pantry. Put on dark-colored lipstick. If you do, you’re not going to eat much – maybe not at all, because you don’t want to get smudges over your lips and face or on your teeth. Apply more lipstick as the day goes on. Stick to this plan and you’ll have the perfect excuse for not eating! There are some very simple things you can do to burn calories, for example, make the bed every morning. Also, get a picture of a model you would like to look like and every time you feel like eating something look at the picture – it will stop you from eating. Always check the food labels and calories on everything you eat! Many labels are confusing and tricky so it is important to understand what all the claims mean. Something that is labeled fat-free might contain zero grams of fat but can still be loaded with lots of sugars. These can be hidden calories that we might overlook when reading certain labels. Thinspiration is key to skinny success. Keep a Thinspiration notebook and thinspo pictures everywhere you can. Keep a little picture in your purse for a constant reminder. Also, keep one right behind your credit card so that you are reinforced each time that you buy something, especially food. When traveling or when you will be away from home for a long time, bring your thinspiration notebook with you. Take a look when you feel the temptations – they are usually worse when you are away from home Eat what you crave OCCASIONALLY and eat it in MODERATION! Those two points are key here! For example, if you are craving chocolate cake don’t buy an entire chocolate cake – the temptation is way too significant and you’ll eat more than you should. Instead, buy a single serving piece and only eat half. Allow yourself to enjoy the things you love and crave. Deprivation leads to binging. A good rule is to limit yourself to one to three bites of anything you crave. For example, whenever I go to a buffet I get one piece or serving of everything I want. This usually means that my plate ends up being completely full. Because I have a fast metabolism, I am able to have one bite of each thing and then throw the rest away. Another upside to this is that people will never question you about your weight because they will see you with a lot of food on your plate and at least some of it with bites eaten. It’s kind of expensive but TOTALLY WORTH IT! Here’s a trick if you have friends that frequently offer you some of their food and then get really suspicious when you say no; then they try and force you to eat it even more. To avoid this, always chew gum around them. Food tastes horrible after gum so you’ll have a good excuse to say no There are so many ways to burn off calories without really trying. Whenever possible, take the long route to your destination. If you have to deliver something, take two trips instead of one. This will force you to move longer, faster or both; thus burning more calories. Stop thinking that you’re deprived of that bite of chocolate or a cookie. How about being deprived of the chance to get to a skinnier you or fit into that smaller dress? Ever felt deprived of confidence of your body? Give yourself that chance now. I have a tip that works great for me to help me not eat, similar to the lemon water tip. When I feel hungry, I suck on a Vitamin C drop. They’re the same price as generic cough drops and have the same benefits as lemon juice. And a bonus: only 15 calories. Three a day is as filling (for me at least) as three big meals and that’s ONLY 45 calories for the whole day! They have different flavours too so it’s not boring. I just wanted to mention something that is really important for me and really helps resist temptation. Always look your best, always have your hair exactly how you want it and keep reapplying your make up through the day. Have your whole outfit perfect, whether you’re a goth girl or preppy or whatever. Always project a perfect image of who you are. Don’t skip your morning shower, or rush your make up. Getting up early to do these preparations will help you burn more calories anyway. When you feel perfectly presented, you won’t want to ruin that image by stuffing your face. You will feel more and more like perfection as you get better at presenting this perfect image, and as you get thinner. This goes for your room too, keep everything tidy and in its place. This helps with your control issues and gives you something active to do. When people notice this controlled perfection about you, they won’t care if you don’t eat much or often. They will see it as part of who you are, and be jealous that they don’t have the same self-control. Lower the temperature in your house by 10 degrees to burn more calories, or take an icy cold shower. Just as with drinking ice water, it will cause your body to burn calories while warming you back up. If you want to binge – distract yourself! Try decorating or organizing something. When I pick a project to do, it distracts my mind for a while and keeps me from thinking about food. Plus after I’m finished, I feel a great sense of accomplishment for what I just did. Still want to binge? Drink three big glasses of water. Really chug ‘em and I guarantee you’ll feel too sick to even eat. Exercise the first thing in the morning. And exercise every morning. Get up earlier than everyone else to exercise. This helps me in several ways: Fat-burning will definitely occur because you haven’t had breakfast. It “wakes” you up, and you won’t feel lethargic for the rest of the day and end up reaching for food. You feel more in control because you’ve done something that most other people have no will power to do – getting up earlier to exercise. This has ripple effects on your confidence for the rest of the day. You wouldn’t want to “ruin” your exercise by overeating later. This is as opposed to exercising at night, when it simply feels like you’re “cancelling out” what you’ve eaten for the day. If you can’t seem to muster up enough energy in the morning, simply take a nice walk. The weather’s cooling and perfect in the mornings. If you don’t know how many calories are in something, don’t eat it! If you absolutely must eat something that you don’t know the caloric content of, always go with it being much more than what you think it is. It’s better to think you’ve eaten more than you have than to think that you’ve eaten less. Food JUST SITS THERE. Whenever you feel like reaching for some food, take another look at it and you’ll come to realize that it just sits there. That cookie isn’t going to jump up at you and into your mouth. It is harmless. All you have to do is NOT reach for it and you’re safe. It’s not going to get at you if you leave it alone. Drink some water, and continue with your work. Whenever you feel hungry, try to visualize that gnawing feeling in your stomach in problem areas like your thighs. Imagining your fat being burned away will help give you motivation and to not eat for longer periods of time. Whenever you start to reach for that little snack you’re craving, first take a minute to finger that lovely xylophone, or those beautiful ribs that have found their way out. You don’t want to cover them up again, do you? COFFEE, COFFEE, COFFEE! It is a well known appetite suppressant. I honestly never feel hungry with it. The caffeine keeps you from feeling slow and lethargic when your calories are low and it hypes up your metabolism. If you can’t drink it straight black, try it with non-fat milk and Splenda. Honestly, I find that delicious and its my biggest savior whenever I have a craving. Before I eat anything in the morning and at lunch time I have a cup and I eat 10 x less. Drinking not enough water can hamper your weight loss efforts. That’s because dehydration can slow your metabolism by 3 percent, or about 45 few calories burned a day, which in a year could mean weighing 5 pounds more. The key to water isn’t how much you drink, it’s how frequently you drink it. Small amount sipped often work better than 8 ounces gulped down at once. ALWAYS number your bites! For example, say, “I’m only gonna eat ____ bites of this.” Then, use a smaller fork or spoon for the same number of bites. This way, you’re eating less without hardly trying! Find a drink and/or food you dislike that’s low in calories (for me it’s tea and bean sprouts) and keep some near/with you at all times. When you feel like raiding the fridge, tell yourself “I can eat something else after I’ve eaten/drunk this”. It usually takes a while to force yourself to eat something you hate so when you’re finally done, the time elapsed and the bad taste of the food can usually kill your appetite/craving. This also works while eating out: order a food you hate, so it’s less likely you’ll actually finish the plate. When I feel like eating something I try to imagine the ingredients. I usually think about all the fat, butter and sugar that is in it and then I don’t want to eat it anymore. Whenever you’re hungry snack on carrots or any other low-cal veggie. They fill you up so you don’t eat high-cal foods. One random tip that works great on weekends/at night is to paint your nails when you get one of those won’t go away cravings. If you use really thick layers of dark (dark dries slowest) polish (be sure to use base and top coat too!) it can take forever to dry – time where you literally can’t get anything to eat! Sometimes I won’t keep nail polish remover in the house – that way if I mess my nails up, I would have to go to work in the morning looking horrid. If you are having trouble losing those extra 5 pounds, try being a vegetarian or vegan. Think of all the poor little animals! Also, cutting out all of that fried, fattening meat will really help you with cutting out the calories Set aside a weekend morning to go through and try on your entire wardrobe. Then, take anything that is even remotely loose on you, fold it up, and send it to goodwill. This tip has three benefits: first, you’ll be motivated not to let yourself gain any weight; second, you’ll clear out the clutter from your drawers and closets; and third, you’ll be donating needed clothes to a worthy cause. A win all around! Drink a lot of liquids. i.e. tea, water, coffee. It flushes out your whole system and leaves you with a flatter stomach. Coffee tends to make me have to go #2 which helps shed the pounds. Hope this helps everyone like it helps me! I swear by spinach leaves. One cup has about 7 calories. I find that they fill me up very quickly. Another thing that’s amazing is Hunt’s Sugar Free Jelly. A cup has 5 calories, it’s low-fat, and it’s sweet. Watch videos on sites like YouTube of people bloating themselves or showing weight gain. It will make you feel disgusting, especially if you do it before eating. This probably sounds a little strange, but my tip is to get yourself tested for food allergies. Most people have some sort of mild allergy or intolerance like wheat or dairy. This will give you the perfect cast-iron excuse, as by bringing medical authority round to your side people are less likely to bother you. So the next time the office fat girl bakes birthday cupcakes and insists on shoving them in your face (“but they’re home-made”) you can just smile politely and say that regretfully (ha!) medical reasons prevent you from accepting her kind offer of lovingly home-baked sugar-crusted lard piles. Eventually, people will come to know you (at least behind your back) as “that skinny bitch with the food intolerance”, and will just stop trying. This also works well when dining out, since you can quiz the wait staff about the content of dishes with impunity. Have photos of your favourite models in beautiful, editorial shots on your bedroom wall. Then when people ask, it’s not thinspiration, it’s your interest in fashion photography and the surrounding arts. And if you find yourself tempted, go and look at your wall, trace their legs, arms, collarbones, and imagine what you would look like in that piece. Until you can say “as good as them” the temptation should die instantly. If you live with your parents (like I do) tell them you’re going to go vegan for charity for a month, two months, or some specific time frame. Not only does this cut out fattening dairy products, but most of what you can eat consists of fruit and vegetables – great for keeping skin nice, plus all the money you raise from sponsorship goes to a good cause of your choice – a win all round! I know many people crave to eat something right after their meal, here’s a great tip for them: While you’re making yourself a meal, (washing your salad, steaming your broccoli or whatever), always make a big cup of green tea as well. That way it is good and not too hot when you finished eating. When you drink it right after the meal you completely avoid all the cravings of eating more or having dessert! Don’t wait with making the tea till you finished eating, because if you do, you will have to wait until it’s good and that’s when the cravings come and you’ll have to control yourself. Take every chance you can to exercise and burn calories. Fidget whenever you’re sitting down, wiggle your foot, tap / clap your hands, play with your pen. Clench your butt muscles, or go up and down on your toes while waiting to cross the roads etc. Stand up whenever you can. Pace up and down while you wait for the bus/ train. Take stairs not the elevator and go up them two at a time. If you walk to work/ school/ the bus stop etc leave later than you need to so you’ll have to rush (which makes your heart beat faster and burns cals). Try to do a walk that takes 20 mins in 10 etc. Every time you go to the bath room do 5 – 10 star jumps or push ups against the door – and drink lots of water so you’ll have to go often, NEVER sit still. Even if you think you don’t have time to exercise – you do and every calorie you can burn adds up. You can see the difference in just a few days. Every day, eat about 2 sheets of Sushi Seaweed. Each sheet has only about 10 calories, and recent studies have found that a fibrous material in it, alginate, can reduce the body’s fat retention by 75%. I tell people I have an ulcer, so I have to be really selective about what I eat- and it is a great excuse for when you are with people and not eating- “My ulcer is bugging me!” Jelly Beans! They’re 4 calories a bean and have zero fat! They are a great pick me up with restricting because they give you a zap of energy. Firstly, you must have a reasonable meal plan e.g. 3 meals per day consisting of healthy, filling foods (fibre, protein, and carbs). If you’re starving, it’ll only lead to a binging from the restriction, so have at the very least 3 meals per day. This also ensures that your body’s metabolism will not slow down drastically. Then, anytime you feel like eating something but it isn’t mealtime yet, allow yourself to do ANYTHING else. Telling yourself not to eat isn’t going to work for a long time because you’re denying yourself something. But replacing it with something will do the trick. Obviously, if you’re a student, studying would be a good one. Losing weight and getting smarter sound like the perfect plan. You can also choose to do some exercises. But if you don’t feel like doing those at all, just allow yourself to do anything like watch a movie, play a computer game, read a book, paint your nails, use a face mask etc, because anything is better than pigging out, right? Pamper yourself and you’re well on your way to your goal weight. Make sure to check the soup aisle at the grocery store! Some people get cold a lot when they are dieting, and soup can be so comforting. It is also easy to open up a can of soup after a long day without a lot of preparation, when you might otherwise choose something less healthy. There are a lot of fatty soups with a lot of carbs and calories, but if you look for low fat or fat free, low sodium soups, you will find there are plenty with 60 to 100 calories per serving. It’s even easier to find these at the organic food stores. Some examples of soups I have found that are low in sodium, fat, and calories are certain tomato soups and vegetable soups. If you find a low fat low sodium free range chicken soup broth, or a vegetable soup broth, these can be even 15 calories a serving and you can add your own veggies. Drink a cup of warm vegetable broth about 10 minute before eating dinner. Doing this will give your brain enough time to signal to your body that you’ve consumed something, so you in turn eat less during that meal. Also, this helps cut the cravings and thus stop you from potentially binging. Here’s another tip too, instead of having an iced coffee during the day, prepare several cups of green tea, pour into ice trays and freeze for an hour. When the liquid starts to freeze, add popsicle sticks. These are great as a snack. I hear frozen grapes are also a great low calorie snack. It’s always important to maintain a cheerful outlook, but it’s ESPECIALLY important if you’re trying to lose weight; depression and boredom lead to binging. Make sure to cultivate hobbies that genuinely interest you – the more active, the better. Similarly, if you feel a craving for something unhealthy come on, try distracting yourself with something fun and enjoyable. Go for a walk in the park if it’s a nice day; have a mug of tea by the fireplace if it’s cold out; read a chapter from a book by your favourite author; or even just watch a funny YouTube video. Trust me, doing any of those things will leave you feeling way better than a chocolate-chip cookie ever could. Remember – there’s nothing prettier than a sexy, skinny girl with a great, genuine smile! When you’re feeling hungry or craving something particular put in some teeth whitening strips. They usually restrict you from eating or drinking anything for a half hour or so, which gives you time to think about why you shouldn’t eat. As an added bonus, your teeth will be brighter and you’ll be giving yourself a smile boost! I’ve found that Crest Whitestrips are a good brand to use for this because you use them once a day for roughly twenty days (depending on which pack you get). I spend a fair amount of time on the computer, so I keep the calculator application open at all times. Any time I eat something I put in the number of calories I just had; that way I keep up with how much I’ve eaten and can make better decisions accordingly. When you’re in the kitchen preparing food (for other people, of course), make sure you have some thinspirational music playing in the background – that will stop you from tasting, pinching and snacking. If you are really hungry, buy a bag of low fat, low calorie hard candies. When you suck on them a lot your stomach will tell you that you are full. Weigh yourself as often as you like, with or without clothes etc. It can’t vary that much anyway – just get used to the minor fluctuations with your clothes on, or even your jeans on. This will keep you on guard all day and remind you of your goal more often. Then set your long-term goal but don’t focus your energies on it. Focus on the NEXT weight (one lb or one kg down from your current weight). If you’re 98 lbs, think of how to get to 97 lbs etc. When you’re finally at that goal, then shift your focus to the next lb/kg down. This will make weight loss so much easier because it’s easier to plan how to reach your next goal, and you’ll feel happier and accomplished so much more often. All you have to think about is how to get to the next lb/kg down. I know many of you probably have written down your CW, HW, LW, 1st GW, 2nd GW, Final GW etc, but I found that when I was losing weight, going down each lb/kg one by one kept me on track much more easily than having a 1st/2nd GW (usually 6lbs/3kg down) which is most of the time still a bit too far away. Maybe it’s just me and my impatience! Salsa! It has approx. 10 calories in a serving, and it’s delicious. I eat it with a teaspoon. And the chilli in it will speed up your metabolism too! If you live with you parents or someone who is concerned about your eating habits, make sure you take full advantage of the time you have alone in your living space. You can do small things such as adjusting your kitchen to make it appear as though you’ve eaten (dirtying dishes / leaving certain foods out / baking etc). If you really need to lose that annoying 5-10 pounds (or more), but can’t seem to motivate yourself, focus your mind on an upcoming event / special occasion that you’d like to look good for. This probably seems like an obvious thing to do but when you’re struggling to stay on track, having something to work for can be just the thing you need. Whether it be a birthday or a simple outing, plan to the last detail exactly how you would like it to go. Even if things don’t turn out the way you’d hoped, it won’t matter because you’ll ultimately be on a weight loss high. If you need to bake muffins or cakes, etc. and will be eating some, for various reasons, you can lower the calories by doing these things: A way some people try to distract themselves is with counting activities. If they don’t have anything to do for a while, but they’re afraid they might binge, they go outside and lay under a tree and try to count all the leaves. It is an impossible task, but it is good to keep your mind off of food. And maybe looking at the leaves will make you just want to have a salad instead. Warning: probably not a good tip for someone with OCD. Clean house! Get busy “hoeing and throwing,” go through old stuff and purge out what you don’t wear, don’t want, don’t need anymore. Dust. Vaccuum. Scrub. Keep busy! It engages the attention and keeps the thoughts off food. If you’re a teen, your mom will be amazed and VERY grateful, so grateful she’ll forget to nag you about food! If you’re an adult, you’ll thank yourself when you’re done! Put on some music and dance! Or keep the tunes rolling while you clean house, it keeps the work from getting boring and you can boogie while you sweat! Read story

i have just binged  i hate myself  i just truly hate myself i’m really having a fucking bad time right now together with the cycle of binging and starving one after another, i don’t know if i should be thankful for not being able to throw up or disgusted and angry i’m so disgusted i can’t control myself anymore  i just wish i could lose the weight to be able to look at myself to be able to ACCEPT myself, my appearance as well as my mind i just wish so many things but none of it is possible none of it’s working i wish i could talk with someone only to tell them what i think about myself without hearing this stupid THAT’S NOT TRUE COME ON  it is fucking true  im not pretty im not skinny  and i can’t stand myself anymore i want to tell someone that sometimes i can starve for free days straight or eat one apple a day and still feel fat and guilty

but at the same time i want to be thinner more than i want to talk

i don’t want help and i want help at the same time

i want to like myself

I WANT TO BE SKINNY

im done with crying all days and all nights 

im done with crying while looking at a fucking sandwich because i can’t eat it but i wish i could 

im done with crying after eating my whole house 

im done with crying in the middle of my school corridor because the girl that is my real thinspo just passed me 

im done with crying and shouting and fighting every time someone offers me food

im done with crying while writing this fucking post that nobody is going to read

im just so exhausted with myself 

i’m exhausted to the point when i want to fucking starve until the end of my days so i won’t have to spend time with myself anymore

i just want to quit 

like the whole fucking society 

i don't know why im even posting this but if there is anyone who can feel relatable im so fucking sorry for you im just so so so sorry if u need to talk i would do everything to help i swear and again im sorry 

It's the morning of Sunday 21st February, but I'm completely nocturnal so it's the end of the day for me. I'll try to stay awake as long as I can and sleep as long as I can, so hopefully I won't get up until midnight or at least just before.

I was 155.2 when I got up. I can't feel happy or sad about that. I just seem to be hovering just over 155 now. I spent 2 hours cleaning earlier. My whole house really needs sorting out and cleaning so I did as much of that as I could. I want to say I hope that'll make a difference as it was tough work and made me sweat a bit sometimes, but I also ate something ridiculous and I mean that's that. Way to fuck up any potential progress. I'm struggling to lose even a pound a month for all kinds of reasons and I could have maybe got somewhere a bit faster but no. I'm a fucking idiot.

I spent a lot of money on skincare products recently. I feel like since I can't be skinny, I want to make my body nicer somehow. I was interested in Korean 10/7-step skincare years ago but I couldn't afford it all and generally didn't want to spend that long every day - I had some money now so I bought it all. I started using sheet masks not long ago and I really like how they feel so I think this skincare thing won't feel like work once I find the right products.

Just as well really. My skin has always been disgusting. Maybe I can at least be fat and soft.

I just always get stuck losing and gaining not even the same 5lbs. More like the same 2lbs. I hit 156 in November and I've had serious health issues twice but even when I haven't been sick, I've still struggled so much. Either I can't stick to it or I do but I don't get any results anyway. And it's not like I'm underweight. I'm overweight. My BMI is over 26. If my metabolism is going to slow down even more the lower I weigh, it'd take me a thousand years to get to my goal weight.

I really wanted to drink today. I feel really alone. It's why I'm so prone to binging and spending money. I'm always looking for something to make me feel better. But I drank a lot last time and I wanted to go a decent amount of time without. Ideally until next weekend. If I can, it'd be good to have a decent intake in that time, and stay active. I have a lot of housework and improvements I can do that'll take a lot of energy. I want to do all those things, and keep my food intake low, and not drink any alcohol, and maybe then I can lose some weight. If my metabolism worked the way it should I'd easily be able to get to 150 by next weekend. If my metabolism worked the way it should I wouldn't be this obsessive in the first place that I want to lose 5lbs in a week I guess.

Im hopefully finishing up the disimpaction thing. I had 3 sachets the other day and then the next day had trouble, so after that I went back to 4. That was yesterday. Today it feels like that was too much but at least I'm clear I guess. Today I had 2 sachets. I'm remembering when I had to get used to not taking stimulant lax...it took so long before I felt vaguely normal. This is different so it shouldn't take that long, but I guess there could still be some adjustment necessary. So I should have 2 sachets a day for at least 2 days, preferably 3, before I panic and decide I need to start taking more again. Hopefully by then it'll be okay and I can go down to 1.

Idk. I feel like there's no point me being here. I look at thinspo and want to lose weight. I write my own weight on a long post like this. But then whatever I do, for whatever reason, I stay fat.

Try to get to at least 30 points a day You can customise this diet however you like. This is my personal diet. Calorie intake
0-200 = 10 points
 201-350 = 8 points
 351-500 = 5 points
 501-600 = 3 points
 601-750 = 1 points
 750-950 = 0 points
 950+ = -8 points Water intake
 9 Glasses = 10 points
 8 Glasses = 9 points
 7 Glasses = 8 points
 6 Glasses = 7 points
 5 Glasses = 6 points
 4 Glasses = 4 points 
3 Glasses = 3 points
 2 Glasses = 2 points 
1 Glasses = 1 points
 0 Glasses = 0 points Exercise
1 hr + = 10 points
 45 min = 8 points
 30 min = 5 points
 15 min = 2 points
 0 min = 0 points Hours slept
 8 hours = 10 points
 7 hours = 8 points
 6 hours = 7 points
 5 hours = 5 points
 4 hours = 4 points 
3 hours = 2 points
 2 hours or less = 0 points ------------------------------------- I remember scrolling through Instagram when I was 11 and seeing this photo and not knowing what it meant. I remember standing in front of a mirror and noticing how huge my thighs were and how my body didn’t look anything like hers. I remember feeling disgust in myself for the first time. I scrolled through that blog for hours and looked at the photos of pretty girls I’d never be. I remember the next day when I skipped my first meal. Two weeks later I fasted for the first time. I remember turning 12 and not being around anyone because I had pushed everyone away because I hated how I felt around anyone that I thought was skinnier than I was. I remember my mom telling me that she thought I might be coming down with something because I was suddenly loosing so much weight. I remember my 6th grade teacher pulling me aside one day and asking me if they were treating me alright at home because of how sick I was starting to look. I remember my friends starting to ask me if I was okay and I just ignored them and walked away. I remember when my mom found rotting food in my closet that I forgot to throw away, I remember her yelling at me and asking what it was. I remember my parents searching my room and finding notebooks filled with calories and exercises and dates and self hate. I remember being admitted into a hospital the summer before my 7th grade year because I had gone from 90 pounds to 65. I remember my parents crying and my sister who was 7 asking my why my stomach was smaller than theirs and I remember the day that I tried to kill myself in the hospital using a shower curtain. I was released three months later, five days before my 7th grade year was going to start and I remember that I was finally okay again and I could finally eat a cheeseburger without clawing at my throat and stomach. And then I saw this picture again. I remember almost puking because a wave of emotion so big it almost drowned me washed over my brain. I remember how I deleted the app that I saw it on again but it was no use because I went back to staring at my thighs and how they were starting to rub and touch at the top again and how it disgusted me. And I remember repeating the same process I did back in sixth grade until I passed out because I hadn’t eaten in 5 days and I was scared to drink water because it made my stomach get a little bit bigger. And I remember more hospitals and more doctors. And I remember being nursed back to health once again and how I had no friends anymore and how my parents always fought because they blamed my diets on themselves. Months passed and things were fine again. Years passed and things got harder and tougher but never that bad. I hardly ever went on social media. Things were okay up until a few months ago, the summer before my 12 grade year. And then I saw this photo again. ------------------------------------- The trick to starving I feel like most people assume the trick to starving yourself is through restriction. No eating after 7. No eating white carbs. No this. No that. But, the more you focus on the ‘no’s, the more you want them and that’s where binging comes in to play and going mental. But, honestly it makes it so much harder. What I’ve found is actually the opposite. Not being restrictive, in the sense of not letting these thoughts be so consistently present throughout the day, is what has helped me eat less. If you build of the mentality that you don’t care, and you don’t want it and you don’t feel like eating. It’s so much easier and you’re not thinking about food all the time. You think about other more important things in life, while still being able to lose the weight you want. Just don’t focus on it so much, and eat little bit of healthy food. stay safe everyone. ------------------------------------- Some meanspo I wrote!! Hey fatass, how’s it going? I guess that’s a stupid question, because everything’s probably shitty in your life, what with you being such a fucking whale. Why do you eat so much? You don’t need to eat that much. Your body can survive on way less food than that. You have such high stores of fat that it would probably take you years to die from starvation. You may not be able to loose weight fast enough by just not eating, so what you need to do is start exercising. Like right now. Get up and stop looking at thinspo and actually workout. Do you really think that just sitting there looking at those pictures of skinny girls is going to make you as pretty as them? NO! Its wont. You need to get up off that he lazy ass of yours. Do you really actually want those skinny arms, that thigh gap, the flat stomach? Yes? Well it sure as hell doesn’t seem like it. If you really wanted to achieve it you would be working out instead of sitting on your technology like you have nothing better to do. There is always something better to do. If you’re reading this in public, walk a block or go and buy a cup of unsweetened green tea. It will raise your metabolism, whereas just sitting there will do nothing. Yes, I know working out is hard, but once you make it a habit it becomes so much easier. 21 days is all it takes to make something a habit, so start now. Start taking walks in the mornings and finishing your days off with a yoga sequence before you go to sleep. Start eating one meal a day, and make sure its salad or some other healthy food, as opposed to the fatty shit that you’re always shovelling into your mouth. Aren’t you embarrassed of those huge giggly thighs that rub together when you walk? Aren’t you sick of having a tummy instead of a flat stomach that your lover can rap their arms around? The only girls who flinch away when their stomach is being touched are fat worthless girls. They know they should be ashamed of that tummy the size of a fucking planet. Scrolling through Tumblr, always seeing the GIFs of sexy girls being touched seductively by their partners. If you keep on shovelling your fat face with food, that will never be you. Do you see those other blogs on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr, where other anorexic girls will do body checks, and other people will reblog them, or post them on their page with the caption #goals? Do you know the reason they are the ones being called goals and not you? It’s because unlike you they actually have some damn self control, and don’t feel the uncontrollable need for that fatty double cheeseburger from McDonalds. You don’t need that, what you need is a sense of self control, a salad and a bottle of water. The only girls who get reblogged are the hot ones. Notice that almost no one ever reblogs photos of fattass girls unless they’re making fun of them? Well, that practically never happens. Yes, society says to embrace your curves and all that shit. But when has society ever stuck true o that, huh? Practically never. The curves they want are a round ass, and huge shapely breasts. They don’t want a huge flappy ass, and saggy titties. So come on, stay with it, and don’t eat that unhealthy food, it will just make you fatter than you already are. ------------------------------------- You fat fuck. How about you pick up a magazine with skinny girls in it before you pick up a fork. can’t you see how big your getting. People don’t tell you this shit just to spare your feelings but your fucking fat. And I hope you fucking get hit by a car because fat girls shouldn’t be able to walk the streets. You fucking retarded shitface, listen if you want to be skinny just DON’T FUCKING EAT. Don’t you get it by now? No food = no fat. Hello? Do you fucking understand? Ugh 😑 I hate fat people, I hate you can’t you see why every time you look in the mirror you fat fuck?fat is ugly, skinny is perfect. ------------------------------------- 100 REASONS TO GET SKINNY THINSPIRATION
1. Imagine how you’ll look in tight clothes. No rolls no shame. 2. You’ll be delicate and small. No longer will you be the fat ugly friend. 3. Collarbones. Imagine having them to touch instead of just looking at them in thinspo. 4. You’ll have a thigh gap. No more chafing and no more disgusting fat just oozing off your legs. 5. Watching the scale go down every day instead of watching it go up and feeling disgusting. 6. Your sister will envy you. 7. Your friends will be jealous of your self control and tiny body. They can preach self love while secretly hating themselves all they want. It won’t matter because you’ll be thin and beautiful. 8. Thin hands and tiny wrists. 9. Delicate ankles and small calves. No longer will you be an elephant. 10. When you walk it will be virtually silent. People won’t hear you coming a mile away with disgusting hippo footsteps. You will be tiny and quiet. A shadow and a whisper. 11. People will ask how you got so thin. Oh they’ll be envious but none of them are strong enough to reach their goals. 12. For once you will be in control. No more binging, no more hunger after already eating. You will be powerful in your decision to achieve your ideal body. 13. You won’t be too embarrassed to draw yourself. 14. You won’t have to only date fat people. 15. In a relationship you will always be tinier than your partner. They’ll be able to pick you up and twirl you around. 16. People will give you piggy backs instead of you giving them. 17. Never again will you be too heavy for something. 18. You won’t be dictated by your fat anymore. Whatever you want, wear it! Everything looks good on thin. 19. Imagine how cute you’ll look in lingerie. Lace will just accentuate your tiny form. 20. Getting naked won’t be embarrassing. Let them stare. You’ll be beautiful. 21. It won’t always be unrequited love. People you didn’t have a chance with as a fat girl will love you. People need to get past the outside to see the inside. Nobody will bother getting past a disgusting fat outside. 22. Wearing makeup will be fun, not embarrassing. 23. You will be your own thinspo. 24. You’ll spend way less money on food. Food is temporary and a waste of cash. Instead spend it on games and clothes. 25. Looking in the mirror won’t make you want to break it. 26. A flat stomach is cute and tiny. 27. Your face will look thin and dainty. No more double chins and disgusting fat cheeks . 28. When people take pics of you it won’t make you want to cry. You’ll be the pretty one. 29. You won’t have to keep your hair short. Long hair won’t make you look like a greasy land whale. 30. Girls will envy you instead of pity you. 31. You’ll be the smallest person in your family. No longer will you be the fattest. 32. People will whisper about how thin you’ve gotten. 33. You’ll be light like a feather. 34. Food won’t control you. Eating is a necessity, not a crutch. 35. Think of bony shoulders. You’ll be defined and delicate instead of a shapeless mass of fat. 36. You’ll be able to count your ribs. 37. When you bend over people will be able to see the ridges of your spine. No more flubber. 38. You’ll have a tiny cute butt. 39. Thigh high socks will fit and look adorable. 40. Boots that travel up your calves will actually fit. 41. Shorts will look good on you. 42. Carnival rides won’t be embarrassing. The bar won’t touch your stomach. If anything they’ll worry you’ll slip out. You’ll be able to ride with anyone because your weight is barely anything. 43. Seat belts will fit easily. No more embarrassing struggle to strap yourself in while people silently judge you. 44. Any style will look good on you. Experimenting with fashion will be fun and interesting. Your body won’t hold you back. 45. You’ll be in the underweight category instead of the overweight one. 46. Your father won’t be ashamed of your weight. Your grandmother won’t keep getting shocked by how fat you’ve gotten. Instead she’ll fuss because you’ll be too thin. 47. There will be a huge difference in your before and after pics, and you’ll be proud. 48. You’ll finally get to fit your aesthetic. No more being ashamed of how you look. You’ll be the cute nerdy book girl instead of the fat gamer nerd slob. 49. Instead of eating you can follow hobbies like painting your nails, doing makeup, drawing, writing, and walking out in nature. 50. If you want some fun you’ll be able to hook up with someone of quality. No sloppy seconds. You’ll be first choice, not oh-my-god-never. 51. In a romance novel you’d be the beautiful thin one, not the tragic never loved fat one. 52. Shopping will be fun. You won’t have to keep looking for bigger sizes. Large will be too large. 53. If you want to you can shop at places that don’t carry plus sizes and be able to fit. 54. Changing rooms will be roomy and you won’t feel squished. Looking in the mirror to see how you look won’t be a disappointment. 55. You’ll fit in tiny spaces. No more bumping into walls when you go by. 56. Your breasts will be small and perky instead of fat. 57. Rings will look cute on your bony fingers instead of squeezing them like fat sausages. 58. The scale won’t make you want to cry. 59. Nobody will recognize you. They won’t be able to believe you went from whale to skinny. 60. Choker necklaces will look delicate and dainty on your neck. You won’t have double chins getting in the way. 61. Your jawline will be defined and sharp. No longer will you be soft edges and squishy fat. 62. You’ll be the pretty one. 63. Guys will actually like you instead of think you’re a blob of disgusting fat. 64. People will date you. 65. When you’re measured against other girls you won’t be the ugly one. 66. You’ll be able to love yourself. 67. At Halloween parties you can dress however you want and look good. No more ghosts or pumpkins. 68. Onesies. Just imagine. 69. Guys will chase you instead of you chasing them. 70. It will be okay to have something nice to eat every once in a while because you’ll be a pro at staying in control and if you do gain half a pound you can lose it just like that. 71. You could be princess carried without breaking someone’s back. 72. It’ll be “You’re so skinny” instead of “You’re not fat”. 73. When you’re at the gym you’ll be the one making people jealous and embarrassed. 74. Your feet will look delicate and dainty when wearing heels instead of like fat blobs. 75. Thinspo blogs will use your picture as thinspo instead of reverse thinspo. 76. ‘Cute’ will be the first word to describe you, not ‘nice’. 77. People will be concerned. Maybe they shouldn’t have called you fat and ugly all those years. Oh well, now you’re thin and beautiful. 78. You could be a model. 79. Crop tops will make you look cute, not fat. 80. No muffin top. 81. At family gatherings your snobby relatives will be blown away by how beautiful you’ve become. 82. Your exes will wish they’d never let you go. 83. You’ll be able to pull of cosplay like a pro. You won’t be the fat version of everyone you cosplay. 84. Every day will be exciting because you won’t hate the clothes you wear or looking in the mirror or stepping on the scale. 85. Shopping for a prom dress will be fun. You’ll look like an ethereal goddess instead of a sausage roll. 86. You’ll be able to pull off a bikini. 87. Going swimming won’t be embarrassing. You’ll be able to wear a sexy bikini without feeling like a joke. 88. You could wear baggy clothes and look stylish instead of like a slob. 89. You could wear your boyfriend’s shirt and nothing but panties and it would be the hottest thing he’d ever seen. 90. People will stare because they can’t believe you’re so beautiful, not because you look like you just crawled out of a gutter. 91. Unhealthy food will taste gross. 92. You’ll have a small stomach so when you eat small portions you’ll still feel full. 93. Eating will become so unimportant sometimes you’ll actually forget to eat instead of binging like a pig. 94. You’ll look like a ballerina. 95. If you’re eating less meat you’re helping the environment and saving animals lives. 96. No matter what else is going on in your life you will have control over your body. Nobody can take that from you. 97. Empty feels better than full. 98. Processed foods are extremely unhealthy. You’re doing yourself a favor by not eating them. 99. You’ll have so much more time and money if you’re not wasting them on food. 100. You will finally love your body. ☆Remember to stay safe. We want to be skinny, not dead. You can’t slay with a killer body if you’re decomposing six feet under. Be kind to yourself. Every pound is progress. ------------------------------------- Dear me, You can eat that piece of cake when you’re at your goal weight.
You can have that burger as soon as your stomach is flat when you sit down.
You can drink that milkshake when your thighs don’t touch.
I promise , you can have anything you want for a day as soon as you reach what you’ve been trying to for 4 fucking years, but right now? Right now, you can drink 8 glasses of water a day, exercise your ass off, skip some meals, don’t eat those sweets, don’t binge, don’t give in. You got this. 
It’ll only take a couple months to get to where you want to be if you try. Just try for me, for us, please. 
That’s all you’ve wanted forever. 
You can’t keep looking at thinspo wishing that was you.
Make it you. -------------------------------------