MJ: *to 5-month-old Mayday* "Mommy’s going to drop kick anyone that touches you."

Peter B Parker: "And Daddy’s going to bail Mummy out of jail."

Daredevil: god gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers.

Spiderman, being chewed up by an alien slug: WHEN DID I SIGN UP FOR THE WAR?! WHEN DID I ENLIST?!

"I have a lot of love to give."

— Andrew Garfield (aka red carpet sweetheart)

My babey ❤️

Eeeeeee what a way to start the new year

No one understands me quite like the tiktok for you page

Peter: Why do onions make us cry?

Harley: I don't know, I never really thought about it

Peter: Isn't it weird how they're the only vegetable that makes us cry though?

Harley: No it's not

Tony: ...yes, it is

Harley: *throws a turnip at Tony*

Tony: OW!

Peter: ...I see your point

The year is almost 2023 and I just sit here and randomly think how raimiverse Peter and Harry are so painfully in love and stupidly smitten and– and I just– 🥺

they make me so sad sometimes bc harry was clearly left believing for years that his love was unrequited, and perhaps only realized the depth of peter's own feelings on his deathbed..... I honestly don't know how to read harry besides in love, bc so many of his actions / emotions would make no sense otherwise. confronting peter while drunk, and slapping him twice with tears in his eyes for choosing spiderman over him in front of a crowded room of people. his inability to kill spiderman when he found out it was peter -- instead eyes welling up. even dating mj (a girl he had no real interest in) bc peter liked her. harry's last words were "you're my friend", consoling peter by confirming they were still close despite all that happened between them. peter's sobbing gasp 'harry-' bc it wasn't supposed to end like this. not with so much unsaid between them. peter being the last person by harry's grave, bc it was always them against the world. anyways.

Interviewer: What’s the freakiest thing you’ve ever done?

Peter, as Spidey: Umm… eaten pasta in bed.

Johnny: Not true, you licked my butthole!

Peter: Oh yeah, I did, I did. But after I ate pasta in bed.

Interviewer: What made that so freaky?

Peter: I don’t know. It was a lot of sauce.

Harley: it could be worse, I could be an accountant

Peter: what type of accountant tho because that would heavily influence my opinion

Harley: tax accountant- I don't know?

Peter: ...

Shuri, losing it in the background: ...

Harley: ...

Johnny: Fuck me you're so stupid

Featuring today's inspiration:

listen, just because someone started liking andrew's peter parker after nwh doesn't automatically mean they're a fake fan. just because YOU liked him siNcE 2012 doesn't make you superior, it doesn't make you a better fan, it does NOT give you the right to invalidate someone else's feelings. it's a hard to swallow pill but it is a fact. someone liking something way after it's initial popularity/release doesn't make them any less of a fan than you

Green Goblin; Twilight Sparkle was the main character because she represented the element of friendship.

Peter; Please I just wanna see my family again!

Green Goblin; I’M NOT DONE! And Rainbow Dash was like the sporty girl.

Peter: so does this mean we’re married now?

Wade: only if I get to keep the dog and pinball machine in the divorce.

Peter: well dang, if you’re already planning for a divorce… I don’t know man.

Wade: ok since you wanna have an attitude. I get to keep the squirrel proof bird feeder as well.

Pater: How DARE YOU go for the bird feeder-

Wade: I was trying to keep things civil. But if you want to raise your voice too, then fine! I’m taking all the spoons to.

Wade: enjoy the inconvenience of not being able to eat your cereal in a normal way.

Peter: I don’t eat cereal because I’m not a child.

Wade: AND THIS IS WHY WE’RE GETTING A DIVORCE!

Andrew Garfield on the Vanity Fair Oscar Party.

The gum chewing is sending me... Variety's TikTok fully committed to ending the rest of my remaining judgment.

😭