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ktempestbradford · 2 months

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I have been on a Willy Wonkified journey today and I need y'all to come with me

It started so innocently. Scrolling Google News I come across this article on Ars Technica:

At first glance I thought what happened was parents saw AI-generated images of an event their kids were at and became concerned, then realized it was fake. The reality? Oh so much better.

On Saturday, event organizers shut down a Glasgow-based "Willy's Chocolate Experience" after customers complained that the unofficial Wonka-inspired event, which took place in a sparsely decorated venue, did not match the lush AI-generated images listed on its official website.... According to Sky News, police were called to the event, and "advice was given."

Thing is, the people who paid to go were obviously not expecting exactly this:

But I can see how they'd be a bit pissed upon arriving to this:

It gets worse.

"Tempest, how could it possibly--"

source of this video that also includes this charming description:

Made up a villain called The Unknown — 'an evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls'

There is already a meme.

Oh yes, the Wish.com Oompa Loompa:

Who has already done an interview!

As bad (and hilarious) as this all is, I got curious about the company that put on this event. Did they somehow overreach? Did the actors they hired back out at the last minute? (Or after they saw the script...) Oddly enough, it doesn't seem so!

Given what I found when poking around I'm legit surprised there was an event at all. Cuz this outfit seems to be 100% a scam.

The website for this specific event is here and it has many AI generated images on it, as stated. I don't think anyone who bought tickets looked very closely at these images, otherwise they might have been concerned about how much Catgacating their children would be exposed to.

Yes, Catgacating. You know, CATgacating!

I personally don't think anyone should serve exarserdray flavored lollipops in public spaces given how many people are allergic to it. And the sweet teats might not have been age appropriate.

Though the Twilight Tunnel looks pretty cool:

I'm not sure that Dim Tight Twdrding is safe. I've also been warned that Vivue Sounds are in that weird frequency range that makes you poop your pants upon hearing them.

Yes, Virginia, these folks used an AI image generator for everything on the website and used Chat GPT for some of the text! From the FAQ:

Q: I cannot go on the available days. Will you have more dates in the future? A: Should there be capacity when you arrive, then you will be able to enter without any problems. In the event that this is not the case, we may ask you to wait a bit.

Fear not, for this question is asked again a few lines down and the answer makes more sense.

Curious about the events company behind this disaster, I took myself over to the homepage of House of Illuminati and I was not disappointed.

I would 100% trust these people to plan my wedding.

This abomination of a website is a badly edited WordPress blog filled with AI art and just enough blog posts to make the casual viewer think that it's a legit business for about 0.0004 seconds.

Their attention to detail is stunning, from how they left up the default first post every WP blog gets to how they didn't bother changing the name on several images, thus revealing where they came from. Like this one:

With the lovely and compact filename "DALL·E-2024-01-30-09.50.54-Imagine-a-scene-where-fantasy-and-reality-merge-seamlessly.-In-the-foreground-a-grand-interactive-gala-is-taking-place-filled-with-elegant-guests-i.png"

"Concept.png" came from the same AI generator that gets text almost, but not quiiiiiite right:

There are a suspicious number of .webp images in the uploads, which makes me think they either stole them from other sites where AI "art" was uploaded or they didn't want to pay for the hi-res versions of some and just grabbed the preview image.

The real fun came when I noticed this filename: Before-and-After-Eventologists-Transformation-Edgbaston-Cricket-Ground-1024x1024-1.jpg and decided to do a Google image search. Friends, you will be shocked to hear that the image in question, found on this post touting how they can transform a boring warehouse into a fun event space, was stolen from this actual event planner.

Even better, this weirdly grainy image?

From a post that claims to be about the preparations for a "Willy Wonka" experience (we'll get to this in a minute), is not only NOT an actual image of anyone preparing anything for Illuminati's event, it is stolen from a YouTube thumbnail that's been chopped to remove the name of the company that actually made this. Here's the video.

If you actually read the blog posts they're all copypasta or some AI generated crap. To the point where this seems like not a real business at all. There's very specific business information at the bottom, but nothing else seems real.

As I said, I'm kinda surprised they put on an event at all. This has, "And then they ran off with all our money!" written all over it. I'm perplexed.

And also wondering when the copyright lawyers are gonna start calling, because...

This post explicitly says they're putting together a "Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory Experience" complete with golden tickets.

Somewhere along the line someone must have wised up, because the actual event was called "Willys Chocolate Experience" (note the lack of apostrophe) and the script they handed to the actors about 10 minutes before they were supposed to "perform" was about a "Willy McDuff" and his chocolate factory.

As I was going through this madness with friends in a chat, one pointed out that it took very little prompting to get the free Chat GPT to spit out an event description and such very similar to all this while avoiding copyrighted phrases. But he couldn't figure out where the McDuff came from since it wasn't the type of thing GPT would usually spit out...

Until he altered the prompt to include it would be happening in Glasgow, Scotland.

You cannot make this stuff up.

But truly, honestly, I do not even understand why they didn't take the money and run. Clearly this was all set up to be a scam. A lazy, AI generated scam.

Everything from the website to the event images to the copy to the "script" to the names of things was either stolen or AI generated (aka stolen). Hell, I'd be looking for some poor Japanese visitor wandering the streets of Glasgow, confused, after being jacked for his mascot costume.

HE LIVES IN THE WALLS, Y'ALL.

#long post #Willy Wonka #Wonka #Willy Wonka Experience #Willy Wonka Experience disaster #Willy's Chocolate Experience #Willys Chocolate Experience #THE UNKNOWN #Wish.com Oompa Loompa #House of Illuminati #AI #ai generated

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theabigailthorn · 1 year

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genuinely can’t understand trans people who define themselves with the medical concept of “gender dysphoria”

it’s like “Oh yes, I acknowledge that this diagnosis was invented by 12 cis doctors in 2013, two of whom have since been disgraced, one of whom was Ray Blanchard, and furthermore I acknowledge that they made it up based on a data set that we have every reason to believe is unreliable, something that was pointed out in the medical literature at the time.

However I also believe they nailed it. 100% correct, no notes. Their label accurately describes me and every trans person and if someone asks me to reinterpret my experience in the light of these historical facts, well they’re oppressing me, a person who has DysphoriaTM.”

like babes what?! What?!!

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hysteria-things · 29 days

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based off of this

NSFW ALPHABET

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: some of these are inspired by the nate nation anons AND one will be a little teaser for bereal😌

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

gives you the princess treatment! he will specifically tell you to not get up from the bed. thirsty? he’ll grab you a water. hungry? he’ll grab you a snack.

afterwards, you are rewarded with the most amazing cuddles. he’ll lay on top of you and nuzzle into you softly.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

he LOVES when you scratch up and leave hickeys on his torso region, including his back. nate has no issue showing off your marks, even if it’s out in public.

if you’re the sturniolo’s little sister in this scenario, for their sanity and his safety, he’ll cover everything if you guys hang out with them.

in all honesty, he just adores your face. he’ll squish your cheeks every chance he gets, or cup your face every time you guys kiss. the way it contorts in pleasure when he’s fucking you sends him over the edge.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

on rare occasions will cum inside you, but that’s the last resort. oh my god, the way he will always paint your body with his cum.

when you suck his dick, he’ll spurt his cum all over your face. other times, he’ll pull out and either smear it on your ass, chest, or stomach.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

when you’re not around and he’s super horny, he’ll hump his pillow to get off because he doesn’t like touching himself if you’re not there. it’s pathetic how many pairs of the poor boy’s underwear got ruined.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

has maybe one or two bodies before you, but he doesn’t like to count them since they were hookups.

but he 100% knows what he’s doing. he will never disappoint with the way he fucks his girl.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

COWGIRL OR DOGGY. for cowgirl, he wants to see your facial expressions and your tits bouncing right in front of him.

when it comes to doggy, he ain’t stopping. let’s just say, you won’t be able to walk for days…

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

nate’s an extremely goofy person outside the bedroom, but when he’s going to town, he’s as serious as ever. you have a thing for the way he can change how he acts in such a short amount of time.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

he got some hair, but tries to maintain it as much as he can. will NOT deal with the itching of it being bald. (he learned his lesson from the last time)

you, on the other hand, are cleanshaven. in the beginning of the relationship, he said he didn’t mind if you had hair or not. however, this was your decision and he’s perfectly fine with it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

will hold you like his life depends on it. face in the crook of your neck while he praises you for how good you take him and how well you’re doing.

like the first time you guys had sex (in his treehouse🥰), you were a virgin. was the gentlest with you and asked if you were okay every three minutes.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

the only time it’s acceptable to jack off is if he’s on the phone with you. you will either 1. talk him through it or 2. discuss how your day went.

however, he will purposely edge and overstimulate himself to the point where his eyes start to water and his hand gets cramped. his dick will be swollen and red, leaking pre-cum as he pumps his fist rapidly up and down.

“p-please. please keep talking, baby.”

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

a sucker for dacryphilia and hair pulling. something about hearing you sob from pleasure makes him feral. like holy shit he’ll keep going until you beg him to stop and use your safe word.

pounding you from behind, he’ll grip your hair tight, and if you don’t listen to whatever demand he throws at you, he’ll pull it. hard.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

either his/your bed or oddly the floor. i don’t know, it seems like the floor can help him go deeper by how hard and stable it is.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

he’s so sensitive that seeing you stand there has him bricked up to the fullest!

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn-offs)

he DESPISES when you call yourself ugly. if you talk bad about yourself, he’ll fuck the daylights out of you until you say that you’re pretty.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

giving you the best head of your life is his number one priority. nate will eat you out nose deep until you cry, like always, and has no intent of stopping. you’ll cum so many times that you won’t be able to think straight and stars will take over your eyesight.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

fast and rough. the only time he went slow and sensual is when he took your virginity. bro is the definition of pound town.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

if you guys are out shopping or at a party and he’s bored, he’ll drag you to the bathroom and fuck you fast against the door.

he needs at least something for entertainment.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

barely, but if you come up to him to ask to try something new, he’ll respect your wishes.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he can be exhausted and will STILL keep going. surprisingly, he’ll do four. nate just loves you and loves dicking you down so much that he doesn’t want it to end.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

to be honest, you guys aren’t a fan of that stuff. he would never admit this, but the thought of you using some toy instead of him will make him feel a little insecure.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

likes to have his hands full and will grab your ass no matter what you’re doing. you get all flustered and it makes him tease you even more.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

name a sound, and he’s doing it.

whimpering, moaning, groaning, grunting… literally everything. he’ll purposely do it in your ear because he knows that makes your legs shake.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

once, he was railing into you hard when his bereal notification went off. because he turns into a cocky son of a gun when in private, he grabbed his phone off the night stand, lifted your head up from the pillows, and put the camera in your face to take a picture of how fucked out you looked.

the reactions under his post were priceless.

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

body wise, short king nate is BUFF and has abs. the magic in his pants is huge.

in his words, he calls it “the nate-a-tron 5000.”

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

wants to fuck you every second on every surface all day.

doesn’t help when you’re bending over and he comes up behind you and grabs your hips, thrusting his clothed boner into your thighs.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

two words: out cold.

one time you for real thought he was dead.

𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!

@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @mattsneezing @janiellasblog @blahbel668 @meg-sturniolo @hearts4chris @mattslolita @sturnbaby @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss @sturnifyed @mayhem-72 @ripmattitude @p1xieswrld @alorsxsturn @txssvx @sttzee @multiluvr @delilahprentiss @matthewsspecial @sturnolio-luvs @sturniolho @suga-daddy-69 @tworosesblackthorn @luckistar-posts @gnxosblog @junnniiieee07 @sturnioloslurps @tylerthecreatorsrealwife @flowerxbunnie @imaslut4kehlani @sturniolosandmoree @hertvgirl @whoreforchrissturniolo @sturniolotriplettoplover @stars4matt @freshsturns @loverrsposts @sturnlcvr @elliesturniolo1 @tpvmz @user283926392 @lalalands86 @sukiipjs @sturniologirl813 @leahrab @chrissturniolosslut @h3arts4harry @sturnioloblogs @creamoncreamoncream2 @luv4kozume @ivyyyyyysposts @mirxcle1 @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @catalina-island @mbsbaby @mattsdollie @pinkfarts @slut4mattsturn @thesturniolos @vickeyzloserz @nononopenono1 @bitchydragonparadise @gdsvhtwa @hrt-attack @bellasfavbisexual @dwntwn-strnlo @venusbabysblog @meerkatzthings @crazychrisl0v3r @maggieflms @strtuniolo @mutualsafe @riasturns @sturniolowhore @antpile00 @ashley9282828 @stingerayyy2

#✎ ⤾ haleigh’s requests!#nate doe #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nathan doe #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo smut #nate doe fanfic #nate doe smut

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freuleinanna · 6 months

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I'm still confused about Verna.. I thought she was a demon?? Because why would Death be going around making a bunch of deals with people? After Verna told Pym she decided to go "topside" I thought she was some kind of crossroads demon since it implies she came from below (hell)

Oh! I feel you, and I struggled with that a lot too. She does seem a lot like a demon. I'm not saying I'm 100% correct in my thinking either, but here's why I personally think she's Death. Kind of a long post, sorry. I hope I make myself clear, but feel free to follow up!

So, Verna. An anagram for Raven, that much is established. Ravens are wonderful - symmetrical even - creatures. Bringers of death in a wide understanding. Bringers of good luck in many cultures. The duality is amazing. To me, that also leans majorly into the theme of death being a concept of duality: an enemy for some, a friend for others. Each greets her differently. I'm not talking about the characters here, but people in general.

There's a proverb I came across a while ago that reads 'Death is a great leveller'. Meaning, everyone's equal before her. You have no leverage or buffer against death, and it doesn't matter if you're poor or blindly, feverishly, grotesquely rich (like our folks here). Everyone pays the last bill. For everyone, there's a day of reckoning. It's a major theme with the show, at least. Verna also says 'Buy now, pay the bill later' - although it can still read very demonic, I agree.

She's obviously ancient, and I was leaning toward the demon theory based on all of her talking. Yet - she also keeps ranting about Egypt and pyramids and Cleopatras and such. What's the one thing with Egyptians everyone knows of? They honored death. Death may have been a bigger part of their lives than life itself. The Usher Twins' obssession with all things Egyptian, antiquities, jewelry, swords and such, plays a nice parallel here too, because they're just collectors. They have no grain of honor for the real thing, for what these things are tied to. Kind of a nice thought, I guess.

Anyway, back to Verna. She says on multiple occasions how intrigued she is with us, 'adorable little things'. She saw the pyramids, the expeditions, and she wanted to see what else we do, she wanted to see what Roderick and Madeline will do (in her own words). It's all an experiment to her. She makes an offer just to see what we, people, do.

Here's where my beef with a demon theory comes in. No demonic creature I could think of, be it an actual demon, a trickster, or something else, is that sincerely intrigued. Something something death loving life something something.

Demons, in my understanding, are most interested in winning the deal. They come up with incredible challenges, they enjoy torture, emotional or physical, they never let anyone win. Verna has never once expressed this. Quite the opposite. She gives everyone a chance to step back. Even when the ink has dried and everything's decided, each Usher sibling is conditioned to make a choice: push forward, or step back. Neither of them steps back. Neither of them takes a long hard look at themselves (except Tamerlane, both literally haha and figuratively, as she's the only one to have realized how lost she was in her way - just at the end, when it didn't really matter anymore, but still). Verna is kind to those she takes (sincere pet names, regrets of having to do it this way, making sure they know it's not personal, etc). She grieves with them, just before. Grieving - 'The Raven' being about an expression of grief and trauma - ravens as synonyms for death... you get the gist. Oh! Except Freddie - cause Freddie struck a cord. Infuriated her. So he doesn't get an expressed choice. And he would've blown it like coke anyway, so meh.

And then Arthur Pym. Oh, Arthur Pym. I honestly couldn't imagine a demon kneeling and thanking someone who's refused them.

About Arthur Pym, by the way. It's the one story I hadn't reread, and I should have, it turns out! haha Anyway, a few notes about his travels:

In the story, Arthur Pym is expressedly afraid of white color (North Pole, yada yada, white being the absense of colors/life, and the absense of life is death).

Verna enumerates the moments she witnessed of his travels. Someone getting left in Sahara. Someone getting shot in the Arctic. Something bad that was done to an Inuit woman. Why would she follow Arthur so closely? She didn't know him, he wasn't her favorite. I think it's because she came to collect those deaths. If she is death, she would've been exactly there, where people died. She would have also seen Arthur not partaking.

Aaaaaaaand it makes her 'You saw me' line sound better, because he had sure seen death along his travels.

I think the part about a place of out-of-time, out-of-space creatures and hollow Earth was a bit unnecessary, BUT I can try and tie it in this way:

It showed us how Arthur might have coped with what he saw, and he 'saw a lot', even in his 70s it's difficult for him to recall, and it made him think of humanity as a virus, literally;

He might have thought up that ethereal realm simply because he was in an expedition? Exhaustive conditions for both body and spirit? Traumatic experiences? If he saw Death, he might have cloaked it in his mind to cope with it, thus came his stories;

Verna going 'topside' may just mean that she had to go take a look herself, actually be willingly present for the events - to see the brave little humans conquer the earth. 'Topside', as in, 'visible, present, participating'. If Death exists, I doubt it bothers with our boring human realm but lives downunder, among all threads that weave the world.

So that's that on Arthur Pym.

A few other references my mind is too exhausted to tie in nicely:

Death takes Lenore. THE Lenore from 'The Raven' (mostly) and 'Lenore' (secondary). That happened. Also, death talking to a child of life? Regretting having to take her? Not very demonic of dear ol' Verna, in my opinion.

Her mourning veil, her last toasts to the Ushers at the cemetery? Demons don't tend to grieve their players. Demons don't respect and love them enough, and 'what is grief, if not love persevering'?

Death is the last threshold. Before death, we look upon our legacy (major theme with the show), we remember our losses and loves (Annabel Lee!!!!! love the poem, brilliantly done), we get heavy with regrets. We face death as an enemy & fight, like Madeline did. As a friend, like Arthur did. We confess, like Roderick did. All that is too significant to me overall.

And the last thing. It's Edgar Allan Poe. The whole Death tribute is a giant, incredible, thought-through-to-the-bits hommage to his literature where Death, figuratively and literally, takes the throne.

I hope I managed to express myself alright there. Thanks if you read it through, and as I said before, feel free to follow up or elaborate on some ideas. There are oceans to discuss. <3

#tore a few veins typing it out ughhhhh the poetry #asks #long post #the fall of the house of usher #tfothou #tfothou spoilers #tfothou tv #netflix #carla gugino #verna #meta post #the fall of the house of usher spoilers #edgar poe #edgar allan poe

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lokativa · 9 months

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People calling Hobie×Miles (punkflower) shippers proshippers as if we didn't ship them for longer than the movie even came out will always be crazy to me.

I've seen lots of people sending threats, or reporting people because they made punkflower, goldenflower (pavxhobie), ghostbyte (gwenxmargo), flowerbyte (margoxmiles), etc, arts or videos. Going to assume that it isn't because most of these ships are POCs ships, there's just literally no point to do that.

First of all, there's no confirmation of hobie's age. If ur basing urself of that one interview, then it was of the CONCEPT of hobie, and even so remember it was only one person who said it. Its heavily implied thats he's a teenager throughout the movie. (Also in the art book, its said that he's slightly older than Miles).

For the thing about him going to the pub and all, minors can and will go in pubs, (not saying that its always legal) are yall living under a rock or just dense on purpose? Teenagers do wtv the fuck they want, even when theyre not allowed to. Youre all going to tell me teenagers respect the rules of not drinking and go to clubs becuz theyre underage? Come off it. Also hobie literally merked his president and u think he'd draw the line at drinking alcohol as a minor? HA.

Aside from that, to be fair to everyone, the directors keeps on changing what they're saying about hobies age, one day they'll say and imply he's a minor and the next second say he's an adult. It's like they all have different idea of this character's age. So, nothing is really comfimed, and his age is really up to interpretation.

Now that we're past THAT point, the other kind of people talking about his age are people saying "oh but he looks old" "that man is most definitely 30yo" "there's no way he's underage" things of the sort, u get it. And I'm just over here like??? Why is it impossible for you to think that this guy could be a teen? Is it the air? The wrinkles? What makes it seem like for you that there's no way he could be around the other teens' age? And 30??? Cmon. People often assume black people are older than they look, which is a universal experience for all of us. Did none of u ever see a blk teen who doesnt have a baby face? Because thats literally what hobie looks like to me. To others we can seem too "mature" for our age, or just look too "old" to be the age we say we are, so is it really impossible for him to be a teenager? Think about it.

(Speaking of him being black, this discourse turned into some kind of racist thing that honestly was not unexpected at all. Yall come over here shitting on people talking and educating u about a character they relate to cuz hes like them, and the representation is making them go bonkers. I don't know why yall can just sit ur arses and listen for a bit, its not that difficult tbh. And dont get me started on the mischaracterisation of his character. Marking him as "an angry black man"? Really? Be. Fucking. Original.)

Same goes with Margo?? Yeah in the comics she's in college, but cmon now u guys know damn well she's a teenager in atsv😭. Gwen is also much older in the comics but i never see anyone talk about it, so what does that mean???The only reasons I can see that you all don't want Miles & margo to be together is because you're all stuck on the milesxgwen ship. News everyone, other ships exist, not everyone is going to like the same ships as you, so either move on or stop being on the Internet.

Also, the thing about pav being 13 is bonkers, where'd u even get that from? I need to know asap. "Oh, but he has a gf!" Yeah? Well he has two hands. (Idk why u all act as if that has ever stopped anyone)

Everything just seem like a race thing to me tbh.

The movies might be inspired from the comics, but not everything is going to be 100% the same. For exemple: gwen is 2 yrs older than Miles in the comics, but in movies she's only 15 months older, Jess Drew is white in the comics and black in the movie, Miguel O'hara is white passing in the comics, compared to his version in atsv where he has brown skin, lyla's disign is also different.

You get it? Things are going to differ as much as things are going to be the same, because (get ready!!) this is the multiverse! Just as earth-616 is just one universe in all the marvel comics, atsv is another universe.

All in all, im not saying u can't view them as adults, or wtv u want, thats ur interpretation, but don't go around being pissy at people around u cuz they have different point of views.

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the-cat-and-the-birdie · 5 months

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*steps on stage nervously*

Uhh.. umm. Uhhhhh

Spidey Academy AU!!

Like Xavier's School for Gifted Children, Miguel - a Spider-person fond of kids, opened a Spidey-Science Academy, for the Spidey-people of the universe

It's not like a high school. There's five years and the years are not really sorted by age - but by experience.

So Hobie would be a year 3 - a middleclass-man

Pavitr is a year 1 - a freshman

And the classes, are all based on honing your Spider-powers and senses.

There's assignments, things you have to take home and do.

They're give you a fake evil Doc Ock chip and have you decode it and make it good again (like Peter in No Way Home).

Or they ask you to stop a petty robbery without using your webs. You have to bring in the Daily Bugles article on you the next day and they grade you on that.

(Hey say what you want but Jonah reports the facts he just talks a lot of shit)

Any class a Spider-person needs, they have.

You name it-

Home Ec? No. Sewing and Suit Repair Class

Gym? No. Swinging & Strength Endurance

Science? ALL ADVANCED. Freshmen's take Advanced Spider-biology and have to learn ALL the different Spider-variations and illnesses Spider-people can get. Multiversal Physics.

All of the honor classes are FULL.

There's also other helpful ones like Firefighting Training and Sign Language (both mandatory), hence how Insomniac!Miles is completely fluent in ASL.

Oh - also. Because Miguel is such a tight-ass -

UNIFORMS. Sweater vests over pants or shorts. (No skirts cause they still be upsidedown and shit)

You have to bring your mask everyday. It's like your ID card

y'all ever had that? Like y'all needed an ID to get into school and if you didn't have it they charged you? Like money? My school did that we also had metal detectors like the airport I'm so deadass this was just a normal public school - I'm getting distracted, anyway-

Of COURSE Ms.Jessica Drew is Assistant Principal. OF COURSE she also teaches Advanced Combat and Strategies class.

And YES she's a hard-ass grader. Has never given a 100% in her life. On some 'This was the best thing I've read in my entire teaching career but you forgot to indent on paragraph 5 so 99%'

She doesn't give a fuck about your GPA!!!

Unlike Mr.Peter B. Parker.

He makes people call him 'Professor PB'. He wants to be the cool teacher.

His classroom is SO FUN during lunch time. Probably runs the anime and manga club. He's that really nerdy teacher that you don't expect to be like "I know what anime is! I grew up on Dragon Ball 😁

His class are always fun but SO chaotic. Still wears sweatpants sometimes. He's the Science teacher.

And every year they take class photos and there's a Spidey homecoming where everyone parties on the walls in cute outfits.

CAN YOU SEE IT?

Swinging Team instead of Track and Field???

CAN YOU IMAGINE IT?

MIGUEL AS PRINCIPAL???

LYLA BEING THE LOUD SPEAKER ANNOUNCER?

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enden-agolor · 5 months

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im assuming this is the case but were jesse / lukas / petra’s admin designs having similar palettes / overall color schemes to the original three on purpose ??? i remember you doing admin jesse art before so im not 100% sure but i think its a really cool detail unintentional or not :)

actually no not at all. i didn’t even realize that until now 👀

i kinda wanted their color pallets to all stay similar to the colors that really make each character stand out like jesse’s green suspenders, lukas’ magenta shirt, and petra’s red hair.

jesse’s design is based off your classic hero look with the onesie and the cape. the straps around his suit are supposed to represent the suspenders, and they, along with his eyes, are the only parts of him that glow. his colors are supposed to be calm and comfortable, yet dark and intimidating to look at because his admin self is honestly pretty sad. he’s eternally grumpy and wearing a smile is rare for him, so the colors also represent his gloomy mood. (he’s absolutely in no way evil though he’s still the same happy little jesse we know and love, it’s just very hard for him to take on positive feelings while in this form)

lukas’ design is supposed to look like someone of high authority. he’s a leader after all, and i wanted his design to be so anyone who takes a look at him knows he must be a person of high caliber. kind of imagine a pokemon antagonist and how they’re always decked out in attire that kinda makes you think like oh yeah that must be the boss, meanwhile look at all the grunts and they wear something similar, just not as ✨extra✨. yeah like that’s kind of what i had in mind for lukas, but instead of his magenta, i gave him purple because i personally really feel like purple is a powerful color. he’s the most like his original self compared to petra and jesse and he’s far more capable of staying calm and collected. also a good boy. looks intimidating but has the sweetest smile and the softest distorted laugh.

petra is… far more unhinged. her design is not entirely based off of her original appearance, but more around the energy and emotion she gives off. i kinda had a volcano in mind for her because it’s easy to spark a fuse in her and she can erupt and explode at any time really. she’s the most chaotic of the three, and if you read the details of jesse and lukas’ admin experience, petra’s is far less happy. she absolutely had to deal with becoming an admin all alone, and while that does sound sad for her, it’s honestly for the better. she would have been too worried about her appearance being so similar to romeo’s if she were around anyone else, and she gets to cope with that realization by herself and in a way that is honestly much better for her. like she goes down into a massive cave and destroys everything lol. uses her powers to destroy so much and take out all of her anger and aggression on mobs and her surroundings. she’s actively exploding, and once she gets it all out, she feels much better and theeen gets to really sit down and think it all over and cope with this newfound identity crisis

but yeah no the similar themes/pallets to the original admins was a complete accident 💀

#ask

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evan4ever · 5 months

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Omg I’m so happy that this fandom is still alive! And it looks like we’re still thirsty af too lol. Would you ever consider doing a NSFW alphabet for Evan? So curious about ALL your thoughts on that.

NSFW Alphabet *

Evan Peters edition

Keep in mind peeps that this is completely opinion based, how I personally think or feel it would be for Evan!!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Oh Evan takes aftercare very seriously. He would absolutely help you clean up, get a shower or bath ready if you wanted, have water ready for you to drink and so on. He would be the sweetest and take care of you before himself.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of their partner’s)

I think Evan would be really into the neck/collarbone/shoulder area, touching feeling and kissing those areas on you every chance he could.

C = Cum (where they like to cum)

Evan would probably be an “in the condom only” kind of guy to prevent any accidents and to make sure you wouldn’t have to take a plan B pill or worry about anything that might be hard on your body. He’d def put your health over his wants, sweet boy 🥹 (but we all would prefer him to cum all over our bodies I mean let’s bffr)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I think Evan would think that the fact he masturbates is a dirty secret of his 🤭

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I think he’d be pretty experienced in basic missionary/doggy/cowgirl style sex, I’m not all that sure how experienced he’d be in the other positions. He’d always be willing to try a new position if you wanted to though!

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

100% believe Evan is a missionary kind of guy. I think he loves the closeness it entails and the passion it brings out in both of you. Like I said before, he’s happy to try any positions your comfortable with, but his favorite would be missionary IMO 🥰

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’d be pretty goofy, I think sex with Evan would include a lot of laughter and giggling. He knows how and when to be serious, but he’s a silly guy through and through and he’d need a silly girl to make things fun from time to time.

H = Hair (do they like hair pulling?)

I think Evan would only pull your hair if he was either stressed/angry (like angry rough sex), or if he knew you liked it which then he’d try to do it more often. I don’t think it’s something he’d do out of the blue, he’d definitely make sure you were okay/liked it first or let you initiate that you wanted him to. And I also think he’d get extremely turned on any time you tugged his hair, even before sex 🥵

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

I think he’s a missionary kinda guy for the mere fact that it’s most intimate, so he’d definitely know how to be intimate when the time was right.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I definitely think he masturbates but (as I said it would be a dirty secret in his eyes) I think he has to be pretty sexually frustrated or extremely turned on and you not there to relieve him for him to do it himself. I think he’s pretty shy about the fact he jacks off from time to time (so so cute omg)

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

I think he’d slightly be into biting/hickeys AS LONG as they weren’t in noticeable places and I think he’d give them to you more than he’d let you to him due to his job. But he’d be a collarbone/shoulder blade biter 😮‍💨

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

His or your bed. He’d want to have sex with you in a place he was comfortable in, you were comfortable in, and where he knew that no one would interrupt. I think on occasion, if y’all were horny enough, he’d fuck you on the couch or counter 😋

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

I think if you wore the spaghetti strap kind of tank top/dress that exposed his favorite parts of you, it would be an instant turn on for him. You’d wear more revealing clothes just to tease him. Or if he could see your nipples through your shirt, that’s a typical guy thing. And tugging on his hair/biting his lip during kisses!

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Hurt you. I believe Evan would absolutely refuse to do anything that might hurt you. The extent of his rough sex would be hair pulling, a smack on the ass here and there, his love bites, and possibly a little bit of choking. Even with your O.K. and I even think that if you begged him to (say whip or slap you) I don’t think he’d be able to. He doesn’t like the thought of physically hurting you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

I think he’s a little of both, more so for foreplay and to help get you stimulated down there and to get him hard and ready for you. He’d definitely love your hands or mouth around him, but he would never expect it. He’s more of “get to the main part” kind of guy!

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

I think it would entirely depend on the mood and type of sex and what both ends want. Sometimes he’d be fast and rough, but I think most times he’d really enjoy going slow and being as sensual and intimate as possible, taking in and feeling every part of your body for as long as he and you could last.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

With his busier schedule, Evan would be down for quickies. Sometimes that’s all you guys would have time for for a couple weeks so he’d never deny one and neither would you (bathroom quickies at work would be his thing)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Nope. I don’t think he’s a risk taker. I think he’s pretty happy with staying in his comfort zone BUT I think if you wanted to try something new and it didn’t entail hurting you, he’d be down to try it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Honestly I think Evan would be a one-round kinda guy but only because he’d usually take it slow and make love to you for a long while (especially when you haven’t seen each other in days/weeks). But the times you’re together often, I think he’d go a few rounds if you were up for it (and who wouldn’t be?)

T = Toys (do they use toys?)

Not on himself but he’s be happy to use toys on you. He’d do anything to make you feel even better than before. Toys are friendly tools not enemies!!!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

I don’t think he’d be a huge teaser but I think he’d get off on being teased himself 🤩 it’d turn him on even more and make for even better sex.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Quiet, soft moans or grunts to start out with, growing louder as he’d get closer to his climax. He definitely cusses under his breath 🥹

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Evan would keep his mouth on yours, tongues colliding as much as he possibly could during sex. He’d love the added passion and intimacy and the moaning into each others mouths would bring you both to your climax faster because it’s just so fckn hot

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I think he’s average, a good 6 inches 😋

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Normal, I think with his job he could get stressed out easily and tired often which would lower anyone’s sex drive but I think with the right person, he’d always manage to get it back up.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

I don’t think he’d fall asleep before you often, maybe only when he was super tired or exhausted from work but he’d definitely mention it before sex because he wouldn’t want to ever hurt your feelings or make you feel unimportant. Usually he’d wait and fall asleep when you do or even after you do, tracing up and down your back or holding you close 😌😴

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nebbyy · 4 days

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Hi! I'm not sure if you are currently taking requests, so feel free to ignore mine if you aren't! If you are taking them, however, would you please write something for King Baldwin IV overhearing reader sing and falling further in love with her because of her soft and sweet voice? Upon realizing that he's there, she becomes extremely flustered and apologizes for disrupting his peace and quiet. Thank you!

King Baldwin IV x reader - Sweetest of melodies

A/N: omg it’s been so long since I’ve received a request! I can’t lie, Baldwin is my supreme comfort character, I think I’ll never stop writing fro him because it gives me sooo much joy😩😩😩 I personally like to think of this piece as taking place a few months after Baldwin’s and reader’s wedding, so it could be considered a sequel for my first fic ever. Also, the song mentioned in this piece is a real song from the 12th century called "Can vei la lauzeta" (in English,"When I see the lark") by Bernart de Ventadorn, and the painting is "Lovers in a garden" by Charles Edward Perugini!!

Oh btw!! I’m working on a long ass series about him, based off of a prompt by @phantomsghoulette which I absolutely LOVED. Sooo all the KoH fans stay tuned for future updates🤭

Warning: nothing really, just pure fluff. Maybe you could say that religious innuendos could be something triggering for some people but I don’t know. There might be ONE, SLIGHTLY spicy mention but only if you squint really really hard. Also, keep in mind that the historical accuracy in my fics is rather relative, I try to add some details here and there but I don’t have the knowledge (nor the skills) to write a piece 100% accurate to the real history. Also, reader’s gender is female and uses she/her pronouns!!

Word count: 2918

Someone would say Baldwin's patience could already be put to test by only his illness, which she ruthlessly does not grant him a moment's respite, the eternal enemy of his body and his spirit. But no, to this perpetual torment of his had to be added the perilous duties of a king. And it was certainly not governing his people and lands that sucked what little energy he had left; this duty of his, given by his father and willed by divine design, he had long since embraced.

It was the nobles, the leeches who had drained him of his lifeblood lately. It was their endless demands, the insidious words that hissed behind his back, the languid bows and sleazy gifts designed only to gain some favor from him. Looking around him, he seemed to see only vices and sinners, power-hungry beasts just waiting for his moment of weakness so they could feed on what Baldwin had under his power.

In fact, not without reason in the past the young monarch had attempted to abdicate the throne and leave it in the hands of one of his sisters, rid himself of this burden and devote the rest of his short life taking care of his declining health and to nurture his mind away from so much corruption. At times he dreamed of retiring to France, experiencing for the first time that cold climate and verdant landscape of which his preceptors and advisors told him so much.

In fact, not without reason in the past the young monarch had attempted to abdicate the throne and leave it in the hands of one of his sisters, rid himself of this burden and devote the rest of his short life taking care of his declining health and to nurture his mind away from so much corruption. At times he dreamed of retiring to France, to experience for the first time that cold climate and verdant landscape of which his preceptors and advisors told him so much.

And he dreamed of taking you with him, imagined how sweet his life would be if his only concerns were taking care of his health and you, faithful wife, sole blessing in his life battered by such burdens. How he would wish that his days would revolve around you, that his first thought in the morning would be riding by your side through the flourishing meadows, and his last thought in the evening would be caressing your face as you lie slumbering in his arms.

It would have been a blissful fate his, if only Sybilla's husband had not died at the very moment when he would have needed him most. If only his mother had not convinced him that Guido de Lusignan was a good fit for his sister and had continued to seek a new consort for her, perhaps that fate would not have been snatched from him so early. Too late to repent now, for Baldwin would have preferred to die agonizingly on his throne rather than leave power in the hands of that bumptious and arrogant lord, who was noble only in title.

And so he found himself in this sort of hellish limbo, forced into a position that should never be required of a man in his condition, but prevented by his morality from abandoning his reign, impelled by faith in God's greater plan, that his suffering should not be in vain.

And his faith always seemed to strengthen when he had a way to escape the stifling air that characterized the throne room, always packed with knights and crusaders and nobles, when he had a way to retreat to the palace gardens, one of the few verdant places in all of Jerusalem.

With slow, swaying steps, Baldwin strolled slowly among the local palm trees and flower beds from the faraway lands, those where men speak Italian and the more distant ones, those from which his fathers came. Exotic fruits mingled with those more congenial to the French, who out of nostalgia for their lands and fields did what they could to bring the seeds of these plants with them to overseas.

His mind seemed to go out, shifting his attention from the constant buzz of court demands and duties to the chirping of birds perched on the roof, to the eviction of the soft branches that shielded him from the scorching sun. He enjoyed the refreshing air that reigned in that small oasis of greens, which was able to infiltrate the fabric of his white robes, crossing the bandages that covered much of his body and finally reaching his skin, numbed by leprosy.

To tell the truth, of that refreshing sensation little reached his damaged nerves, if not for those few points that had been spared by the merciless disease, from which departed that unusual shiver that caused him a delicate smile of relief, enjoying the refreshing breeze. Then he closed his eyes and breathed in, discovering with satisfied surprise that that light gust was also a harbinger of an intoxicating perfume, a mixture of exotic and familiar.

How funny to think of the concept of "exotic", for an Angevin born and raised in the unknown lands of the east. For him it was exotic French fruit, exotic were the green plains and heavy clothing that brought his allies from the northwest, and equally alien to the snowy mountains and forest beasts that he saw drawn in detail in his childhood books. It was these changes of perspective that stimulated his mind in a myriad of thoughts and reflections, but in a pleasurable way for him, not as exhausting as his daily duties.

His reflections on exotic and local made his mind travel, wandering until he came to a subject very close to him: Muslims and Jews, reflecting well on the landscape in front of him, recognized that he could share with them the same concepts of what is foreign and what they can claim the original belonging. And he could not but reflect on how it must have been for the first inhabitants of Jerusalem to observe the Franks who came as conquerors, and filled their gardens with such foreign plants as those pale warriors who had taken possession of their dwelling... But after all, the French soldiers who were emissaries of God’s will needed something familiar to stabilize them as they fought to reclaim the Promised Land, ut Deus voluit.

But all his brooding over these matters of conquest and submission ended up in the background in his mind, when a colorful scarlet sphere caught his attention. An exquisitely red apple seemed to tempt him from a branch just above his head, beckoning him to be picked and savored by the king, that he might lose himself in the juicy sweetness of that fruit with origins so far removed from the Holy Land. But the king's modesty prevented him from yielding to that temptation, wanting to avoid exposing the advanced state of deterioration in which his mouth was.

And in fact if that temptation had been alive it would have pale in front of something much more captivating, a sound that echoed in the most melodious distance of the song of any nightingale. Baldwin was surprised to think that he had not realized before the melody that inibriated the atmosphere around him, so taken by the tribulations of his mind that he almost missed such an intoxicating song. He did not know what he felt once he arrived in Heaven, if he had ever arrived in spite of the unjust fate in Hell that the evil Saracens wished him. He didn’t know it, but if one ever had to imagine what Heaven sounded like, that song would come to mind.

When I see the lark beating

Its wings in joy against the rays of the sun

That it forgets itself and lets itself fall

Because of the sweetness that comes to its heart

She sang in Occitan, the beautiful one in the distance. The voice of his people, of his lineage, that few in the palace can pronounce after so many years of distance from their homeland in Provence. Paying more attention to the echoing song, he would not even have had to approach it to give a face to that melodic voice: he knew how to recognize his wife’s voice.

Yet it was a new context in which he saw you, new facets of you that he had not yet had a chance to observe. Your voice, sweet as honey, venerable like all your other traits, he had never heard it except in speech, when you were proclaiming orders before your subjects with the authority fit for a queen, or when you laughed at the poems and performances of the court singers, or when you whispered in Baldwin’s ears sweet words, while you lay with bodies merged between the soft silk sheets. Always spoken, but never sung.

Alas! Such great envy then overwhelms me

Of all those whom I see rejoicing,

But though he didn’t need to approach you to recognize you, the desire to see your face exceeded any of his other needs. As if mesmerized by the sound of a siren, Baldwin was advancing towards you, with steps so slow that it seemed a hunter about to catch a deer in the woods. He wanted nothing more than to hear you sing again, that you continue to bless him with that angelic melody. What worse sin would there be than to interrupt your song, more sacred than a prayer?

His stomach filled with butterflies and turned upside down like the beasts' jugglers, his breath seemed to stop in his throat, depriving him of the breath he no longer needed, as long as he could hear you sing a moment more. And her cheeks warmed, when finally she saw you among the white lilies, more beautiful than divine salvation.

I wonder that my heart, at that moment,

Does not melt from desire.

Baldwin wondered if you sang with him in mind, if those words of love reflected your own emotional turmoil.

Oh, if only it were so, and your singing equalled his own words inscribed in the sonnets and poems he composed in your honor, which he himself commissioned from your favorite singers to perform at banquets, only to steal an embarrassed smile and to see the blush of your cheeks, along with the glint in your eyes.

Whether it was or not, the outcome remained the same since he was at that moment in your proximity, in the same state mixed with adoration, love and wonder at the bold gesture. But if only he had confirmation from your words...

Alas! How much I thought I knew

About love, and how little I know,

Because I cannot keep myself from loving

The one from whom I will gain nothing.

"My angel, your voice sounds like heaven but your words are false." Baldwin practically saw you blow up from your session, completely taken aback by his sudden appearance, unaware that your husband has been acting as a secret public all this time. Your initial surprise quickly turns into a laugh to mask your embarrassment for being caught in a moment like this, when you thought you were alone to be able to run the streets of music with your voice.

"I beg your pardon, I thought I was alone in the gardens," your eyes met his own only for a moment, before you turned your face to try and hide the blush of your face, "it was just a silly song I heard singing to the Provençal knights. I hope I did not disrupt your walk, my love..”

He laughed softly, trying to hide his amusement from having caught you off guard. He approached you more quickly than when he did just a few moments before, but with the same phlegm that managed to inspire a feeling of safeness in you. Sitting by your side on the bare rock, he raised his bandaged hand to gently cup your face and make you turn your eyes towards him. It was only then, when you had no choice but to look at Baldwin in the face that you noticed how his eyes, the only part of his face exposed to the outside world, formed two half-moons, and you came to find that it was because of how widely he was smiling, as you lowered the veil from his face.

He was making fun of you, you realized. With that swagger in his manner, you understood that his amusement came from your embarrassment at that silly misunderstanding. Laughing softly, he gently shook his head before bringing both hands to your face, holding it as if it were the most sacred of relics. "As much as I would love to hear you sing of your affection for me, just to hear your voice echoing in the air is the sweetest of gifts. How could you deprive me of this blessing thus far, my dear?"

You could do nothing but giggle at his sweet words, bringing your hands to his wrists to feel him closer to you. "You flatter me, my king. My voice boasts nothing more than those sweet melodies that the singers in the palace sing. Mine is only a dabble."

His gaze softened, his playful spirit addicted to your presence. He took the floor again, in a tone as soft as cotton, "At least this once, my queen, allow me to disagree with your words. My life may be short and my reality small, but never have I heard such an angelic voice, singing such sweet melodies. And God may not yet have granted me the ability to predict the future, but in my heart I know well that never will any singer be able to hold a candle to your beautiful voice, never will any song be able to express the same feeling of ecstasy.

"You, my angel, have managed to make a simple ballad an absolute work of art through your voice. I think I should take you with me into battle next time, for with your mere voice you could addict Saladin and his entire army.

"And seeing you here, angelic and perfect like the lilies that surround you, singing so softly that it would make any bird jealous, that I realize that whatever toil, whatever challenges God has stored up for me, and all those that still await me in my life, are worth it, if at the end of each of them there is you, voice of an angel, to hold a place for me in your arms of heaven."

You were sure you were on the verge of crying a flood of tears, the result of pure emotion at his sweet words. It was not new to you that Baldwin worshipped you as much as the God to whom his kingdom was consecrated, from the first moment he got to hear your voice and admire your face, and you knew at once that he had become yours, body and soul. But it was new to you to see him like that, completely entranced by your simple being-it was something new. A wonderful newness that made you feel like the most desired of women on this earth.

Taken by a rush of boldness, you practically jumped into his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck; you ended up on top of him, with his hands around your hips. You both laughed, like two little boys frolicking in the gardens. And you left a kiss on his left cheek, then on the bridge of his nose. A kiss again on his forehead, and then down on the side of his lips. When you were about to give him another kiss, just where he most yearned for your lips, against his, you stopped a few inches away, with a wide smile, before speaking again, "If so little is enough to make your happiness, then I will sing to you every day, whenever you ask. Let me be your nightingale, your morning song and your lullaby all at once!"

"I couldn't wish for anything else, my dear. Now, however, I beg you, sing one more melody for me, before my duties drag me back to the palace, and I shall consider myself a blessed man."

"With great pleasure, my love." Your voice was now little more than a whisper. With a languid movement, Baldwin moved his body to rest his head on your lap, and you eagerly greeted him. After slightly moving the hood that veiled his head, so that you could play with his golden locks, you began to sing a new melody, one that this time spoke of reciprocated love, of the joy of being able to hold your loved one in your arms. But the words you sang barely reached Baldwin before his sky-colored eyes closed softly, his mind giving him at least a moment's despite from his perilous life. You continued to sing, caressing his face, which from day to day appeared more and more mutilated by his disease, singing the sweetest of melodies so as to prolong this idyll in which you and your husband found yourselves in.

For with you Baldwin had a way of putting the crown aside, and being nothing more than a foolish young man in love, whose only duty was to love you, to love you with all the love that an angel like you deserved.

@sweetworkoffiction hope you like it <3

#fluff #writers on tumblr #f!reader #kingdom of heaven #king baldwin iv #king baldwin x reader #king baldwin x you #koh #medieval fiction #historical fiction #writing requests #requests open #anon ask #anon request

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calicobigamy · 7 months

Text

I can't be only one, right...?

I wanted to finish the game and then write this post but I gave up. I put in 100 plus hours and just could not go on once I got into act three. Maybe no one will hear my pitiful cry from the void, but I must scream for the sake of my sanity.

I was completely and utterly disappointed by Baldur's Gate 3.

It had huge maps like an open world game yet I had no desire to explore the settings despite their beauty. It had hours of dialogue as an RPG would and yet I found myself skipping characters' responses. The game mechanic structure was inspired by DnD, a story-telling game dictated by some rules, lucky rolls and the extent of players' imagination, yet I was strong-armed into fighting impossibly stacked battles. A story-telling game dependent on the players’ attachment to their and their teammates' characters and yet this game lacked any kind of narrative consistency or depth of feeling.

Larian wanted to make an open world RPG, based off of DND mechanics and somehow did the worst version of all three. The studio touts that Baldur’s Gate 3 has 17,000 possible endings and 2 million words, but to what end? What did this game have to say about what happens when people rise to the challenge and become heroes despite their circumstances or fall into the dark and become the monsters they were supposed to fight? What did it suggest might happen when fate deals you a bad hand but in doing so also helps you find true friends or love with the other? Ultimately, nothing.

BG3 is so large that it ends up being incoherent. No writing or game structure decisions were made to keep the narrative tight and on theme. It urges players to choose a moral alignment, but most decisions, good or bad, seem to end up having little effect in the end. To play the game at all you have to resort to save scumming and that in turn deflates the possible impact of so many plot points of the narrative overall.

Forcing players to save scum in order to progress through the game is terrible design in general. Statistically speaking the bosses make impossible critical hits again and again. I was playing in the game’s “casual mode” and found myself struggling to get through confrontations with bosses that were at a lower level than my own. If you are reading and thinking oh well you are probably not using tactics or spells well, etc., let’s do a little experiment…

Take your d20 (https://rolladie.net/roll-a-d20-die if you don’t have one in person). In the third act of BG3 I had an AC of 13 as a sorcerer with 100 plus HP. Roll your d20 ten times or more. How many times out of ten would your character have gotten to hit mine successfully? Unless an enemy is extremely lucky it should be unlikely that an enemy could hit my character every turn they get. And even if they do they would have to roll for damage which is only a single d6, d8, d10 or d12 plus a modifier at lower levels depending on your class. Again an enemy would have to have an extremely lucky roll to hit me every turn AND deal significant damage. During an in person DnD session that is just a bad night for my character. In a video game on casual mode that is significantly suspicious.

So what you might say. You've made and enjoyed the fanart, memes and etc. You got your $61 worth of playtime. So many other people were fine with the game, what is your problem?

I love video games. They blend so many artforms and tell stories in ways never done before. It is a medium unique to our current century and when historians look back they will view video games as an insight to our culture.

It frustrates me to no end that Baldur’s Gate 3 is considered the next gold standard. Too many games have done open world and RPGs in a fantasy setting far better for Larian (Swen Vincke) to have made the design and writing choices they did with BG3. There are so many podcasts and shows that have written better stories through the DnD format. I am embarrassed for the medium as an artist and frustrated as a player. Players and the industry deserve better than to have artists, actors, engineers etc. burn themselves out creating maximalist behemoths like this game. A game that is beautiful but basically unplayable, narratively, nihilistic and incoherent.

#bg3 spoilers #bg3 critical #long reads #long post

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givemearock · 2 years

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Cuddling with the Stranger Things Older Teens

I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time and decided to write this to revive my tumblr 😭 I will be doing one for the party too :D (also shoutout to all the shifters who see this let this serve as motivation for your adventures)

In order- Robin, Steve, Eddie, Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle

Robin

It's very easy for her to get comfortable in any position. You’re elbow stabbing her stomach? She’s fine! You’re laying on her throat? If she can still breathe she’s good!

This is amplified especially if she’s already rambling on about something because she is more focused on not trying to sound stupid in front of you

In between thoughts, she’ll ask if you’re still comfortable or if she needs to move

“You’re still ok right?” “Yeah I’m fine” “Are you sure? Like 100% sure. Because I can move like I’m totally fine with moving, it's really easy.”

Would definitely be more like a base for you to snuggle up to because she moves her hands around to talk a lot

If you were the one sitting up she’d just lean her head against you as she keeps talking

After she’s been talking for a while if she needs a break she’ll just lay there in silence for a few minutes before continuing on

If you fell asleep she would definitely freeze up until you woke up

Overall a comfortable experience and you’d probably get to hear all about whatever she was obsessed with at the moment

Steve

He’d probably be a little hesitant because he’s not incredibly touchy, but since Dustin is he sort of learned to be

Touch starved growing up so he does not know how to accept it

His default would be to just hug you, but he’d move however you moved, trying his best to not make it awkward and to not ‘mess up’ as he’d say

Would fake confidence because he’s dated many girls in the past, but he honestly does not know what he’s doing

If he ever ended up uncomfortable he would ignore it and would deny his discomfort at all costs

“Steve, are you ok?” “Of course! Why do you ask?” “You’re tearing up” “Those are happy tears because I’m so comfortable!”

He’d somehow get you to believe him, either that or you’d have to hide your movement so he doesn’t end up feeling bad

Would get very cuddly and would probably end up sharing his innermost thoughts with you

He’s a weirdly comfortable person like a giant pillow so you’d get sleepy really fast, his hair is also really soft so that’s a plus

If he did fall asleep he’d make sure you did first to make sure you’re ok

10/10 you both end up asleep

Eddie

Always, and I mean always up to cuddle with literally anyone he knows, yes it’s because he’s touch starved but in the opposite way of Steve where he’s very touchy

Would pretend you’re weird for asking but, of course, he’s joking

“You wanna ‘cuddle’ with me?” “Yeah” “That’s so weird wth” “Oh” “I’m kidding, IM KIDDING”

Latches onto you immediately and won’t let go until you let go

He moves around a lot until he gets comfortable and you will probably end up as his pillow whether you like it or not

Makes sure his hair isn’t all over your face because it does that a lot

He wouldn’t ask you if you were ok with him talking a lot he would just give you a look and you’d sort of have to notice

“Eddie?” “Hm?” “Would you like to say something?” “Yes, ok so-“

Would whisper “are you sleeping?” in your ear a little too close and would get really apologetic if he accidentally woke you up

A very fluffy person 10/10 experience

Nancy

She is not a very touchy person at all and would be very reluctant to say yes and would probably resolve with an “ok but only for a few minutes”

However if she was working and you asked she’d absentmindedly say yes without really thinking about what she’s agreed too

At the beginning she’d just sit down and she would be very awkward about everything but after a little while she’d warm up to you

You’d be able to tell when she’s comfortable because she’d stop tensing up and just relax

She would have her eyes closed very tight and she wouldn’t really speak to the point where it’d be a little concerning

“Nancy? Are you ok?” “Yes.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.”

If she falls asleep be prepared to never move again because she goes deadweight pretty much immediately

Since she’s always busy she will more likely than not fall asleep

It takes some getting used to but she’s sweet 10/10

Jonathan

He definitely grew up cuddling with Joyce and Will a lot so I feel like he’d say yes and not think much of it

Very much the type to hold you versus having you hold him because with his family he was always the one doing the holding

He would let you hold him but you’d have to ask

Surprisingly takes up very little space because he sort of just curls up with his knees pressed to his chest to make sure you have enough room to get comfortable

Would sit there in silence but not in an awkward way it’d be a comfortable silence

It’s weird to describe but he has the same vibe as a cold pillow so you might get a little sleepy

If he’s either high or just very comfortable with you about 30 mins in he’d start asking you the most random of questions

“What do you think frogs think of puddles?” “Hm?” “Like, imagine finding a smaller version of your house” “Jonathan-” “Just saying it’d be a little weird”

Eventually he’d up silent again and his hold would get tighter than before as he slowly gets used to you, but he somehow isn’t aware he does this despite doing it every time

Overall you’d feel very secure and comfortable, plus you’d get to hear a wild thought, 10/10

Argyle

Of course he would say yes

Basically a giant teddy bear this man is so cuddly

Would probably just close his eyes and wrap his arms around you before whispering ‘this is nice’ in the most stereotypical way

Makes comments about your clothes if the fabric is uncomfortable or especially if it’s really comfortable

An awkward silence will not happen because if it does he’ll call it out and start a conversation

If he’s high he might try to stand up before apologizing

*he tries to stand up* “Dude I’m still here!” “Oh sorry man totally forgot you were there”

Will randomly start singing just because he likes singing and he does it whenever he’s comfortable around someone

If you guys started talking if something you said reminded him of a story he would immediately change the subject because he needs to get the thought out

“Yeah, I had a frog once and-” “FROGS! That reminds me-”

Would later on apologize for interrupting you

If he somehow ended up uncomfortable he would definitely tell you but he would make sure you didn’t feel bad about it because to him it’s not really a big deal since it’s an easy fix

Overall he’s a very comfortable and chill person, 10/10

I forgot how fun writing stuff was so I think I’m gonna start posting a lot more now. Anyways, I hope you guys like it :)

Have a nice day and night !! 🌸

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lily-orchard · 16 days

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What do you think about the idea that you can't control your intrusive thoughts and kinks?

Two people can engage with the same kink in different ways. Engaging in BDSM because the sting of a leather whip on your skin does it for you is one thing. Engaging in BDSM because you fallaciously believe you can take control of your past childhood trauma by reclaiming it is very much another.

Sex and Kink are mental health neutral. On their own, they do nothing for your mental health, it's about what you put into it. This is why doing something kinky with someone you love and trust makes the post-nut clarity feel relaxing, in the same way it feels good after cleaning the kitchen. But if you're alone at your computer reading something horrible, the post-nut clarity feels like "Fucking hell, what's wrong with me?!"

This is also why "toxic relationship sex" is the single most emotionally numbing and miserable experience in the universe. Your nerve endings and your lizard brain that craves dopamine only understands "Friction = electricity = yay" and it's your conscious mind that adds everything else to it. Your conscious mind, which you control.

The dirty secret of your turn ons, turn offs, and opinions is that you have more direct control over them than people would like to admit. When I realized by verbal abuse kink was just an unhealthy coping mechanism based on fallacious ideas about reclaiming trauma, I stopped engaging with it. I made the conscious decision to stop.

I also made the conscious decision to stop reading Grimdark.

Your brain is not a 100% autonomous vehicle completely independent from yourself as a person. At least not where your conscious thoughts are concerned.

It's never a bad thing to examine yourself and wonder "where did that thought come from?" Even if the answer is "Oh it came from nowhere, everything is fine." It's no more unusual than checking your tits for lumps. The people who actively push to discourage you from doing that are usually the ones who need to have an uncomfortable conversation with themselves and don't want to.

I call this "Drinker's Denial." If you've ever noticed that some drinkers can be really pushy toward people who don't drink alcohol, it's usually because they know they have a problem and actively resent you making them think about it with your presence. Your very existence as someone who made the choice not to do the thing makes them think "If they're right, what does that say about me?"

People who don't have an objective problem, or who aren't in denial about it, don't react that way.

Smokers will be the first people to tell me "Don't start." Because they know what they've done to themselves and are like "Don't make my mistakes! Please!"

Conversely, alcoholics and potheads will wrap themselves in knots trying to argue "actually this is good for me because THC is-proceeds to ignore the concept of water intoxication"

People who don't want to have uncomfortable conversations with themselves are the ones who push the idea that your opinions and tastes are completely random and not informed by background, environment, and beliefs. And they're the first ones to demand you stop thinking about things.

It's not puritanical to think critically about things. In fact, it's the exact opposite.

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wof-reworked · 3 months

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ok I can't stop thinking about the jade winglet, here's my gender hcs for all of them

Moonwatcher - she/they (nonbinary)

I feel like this is fun bc rn (in canon) her gender is just "anxiety" but like,,, one day in the future she gets to actually play around with it

like she captures a very specific type of person I've met who you go "oh I mean I know she's gay but she's probably cis..." and then you have like one real convo and find out they're like not only nonbinary but better at it then you

I think she should get to be butch when she's older. I think she deserves being a) massive compared to her two twink boyfriends and b) gnc as shit

Kinkajou- any/all (genderfluid +transfem)

Kinkajou strikes me as being like. totally ambivalent to gender. Kinkajou changes her pronouns based on how the fruit he ate for breakfast makes him feel. Kinkajou is better than you

I think she was like staunchly using she/her for a while bc it just felt right and like changes pronouns situationally- Rainwing village is she/her, Jade Academy is any/all, close friends it varies, etc etc

Qibli- he/they (transmasc)

Qibli's just always kind of known who he is, and has been like. pretty contentedly in his corner for a while. I think it's like- a pillar of stability for him of like "at least I know I'm (x)"

Proximity to Moonwatcher puts the they/them in there bc I think it's nice when ppl get more comfortable so they start branching out a lil bit :> Qibli has like. guy who says "he/they" because he doesn't mind they/them and wants his friends to feel supported y'know

Winter- he/him (cis + gnc)

Look I feel bad making him one of like. two cis ppl at JMA but like I think it's funny if he's cis but inflicts a status effect of gender envy on every trans person in his proximity

guy who does makeup flawlessly because "it's fun" and decimates your sense of identity as you wonder why the fuck god gave these gifts to a man

extra funny for the fact that as a dragonet he gets offended by the implication he's pretty. he gets over it eventually I think

Turtle- she/her or he/she/they (transwoman/trans)

See here. Otherwise I think she's like trans and this could go in like. any fucking direction ngl

transmasc turtle??? hell yeah !!! transfem turtle??? hell yeah !!! gender is whatever Turtle has going on and god knows if she knows it

last egg to crack bc Turtle is immune to self reflection that isn't anxiety and self loathing

"Haha everyone hates how other people refer to them and their gender what do you mean? :)" (entire jade winglet: cringing with worry)

Umber- he/him (cis)

cis and a lil insecure about it but like. he's just nice :)

he's like experimented with pronouns and gender and found none of them really stuck so like. cis+. cis (extended dlc). you know what I mean I hope

gonna be honest I'm lost for him bc I genuinely forget he was there bc he peaced out so fast. justice for my boy I want to know more !!!!!

I could be persuaded for transman Umber ngl,,, it tempts me,,,,,,

Peril- she/her (trans woman)

On one hand I'm torn bc I think it almost doesn't make sense for her backstory BUT ON THE OTHER HAND the idea of Scarlet being supportive of Peril's identity and LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE is hysterical to me

though actually if we wanna get sad,,,, that 100% could be a manipulation tactic of Scarlet. "see I love you I even accept you" etc etc. now I just feel bad man

Peril's also in the same camp of Qibli of knowing this abt herself since she could think and being happy in it. She knows what she's about

BONUS:

Carnelian- she/they/he (transmasc)

Look butch can be a gender and sometimes you're a mean butch skywing idk what to tell you

wish she stayed alive bc her and Moon could've been legendary together. girl who will kill for you vs girl who desperately wants you to do anything else please we talked about this you can't solve your problems with murder

I think Carnelian's true gender is Skywing Patriot and idk how to put that in hc form but this is as best I've got

#wings of fire #wof headcanons #wof reworked #this is canon 2 me so it goes in the tag ok #qibli wof #winter wof #moonwatcher wof #turtle wof #kinkajou wof #peril wof #carnelian wof #umber wof

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dark-frosted-heart · 3 months

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Inexperienced KissXXX - Roger

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this

(Found him…!)

Spotting the person I was looking for, I ran over to him.

Kate: Roger, I’ve been looking for you.

Roger: Hm? Ah, it’s you, little lady. What’s got you so out of breath?

Kate: I heard you came back from a far away mission and brief you on the next one… I was thinking…

I trailed off when I saw the empty glasses lined up on the table.

Roger: As you can see, I’m in a drinking mood today. Sorry you had to come all the way here, but can we do this tomorrow? If you can’t, then you gotta wait for me to sober up.

Kate: I’m in no rush, it’s fine. Um…I heard about the mission from Victor. That you went to look for a cursed person for your research, but he was already dead…

Roger: Yeah… Fate was at work.

It’s said that all cursed people were doomed to fall, regardless of their type.

The same could probably be said for the person Roger went to look for.

Roger: Haha, it was bad timing. Had I gotten to him earlier, I wouldn’t have missed out on an interesting research subject. No matter how much I wanna, I can’t chase him to the afterlife.

At face value, Roger sounds like his usual egotistical self.

(But for some reason…Roger seems a little down)

I got a sense that Roger wasn’t just sad over his loss, but also mourning the death of a cursed one.

(I wonder if they have the same curse…)

Roger: Hey, you know you’re gonna get eaten by a bad guy like me if you’re wandering about a pub at this hour, you know? Go home before you get involved with them.

(If Roger was his usual self, he’d be the one making a pass at me, but he’s not)

Roger’s unusual attitude started to worry me.

Kate: I-I’m not going back yet!

Roger: …?

Kate: Can I drink with you? I feel like having a drink!

I couldn’t leave Roger to himself, so I sat down next to him without waiting for a reply.

(By being next to him, I can help Roger get home if he gets drunk and passes out)

(As long as he doesn’t mind, I’ll do what I can to cheer Roger up)

Roger: You’re so kind, little lady…

Kate: T-that came out of nowhere…

Roger: You’re here with me ‘cuz I’m feeling down, aren’t you? You’re alike like that.

Roger squinted as he reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

The feeling of his callous fingertips against my ear tickled a little.

Kate: Alike…?

Roger: Whenever I was feeling down, they’d come to my side… They’d stay until I felt better.

(There was a kind person like that by Roger’s side…)

Kate: I don’t know if I can replace them, but…what else did they do? Please tell me.

When I told Roger that I wanted him to feel better, even just a little bit, his eyes softened as he started to reminisce.

Roger: Hmm~ That’s right. We used to wander around the city every day.

Kate: It’s important to go outside for a change of pace.

Roger: Yeah. We loved to wander around during autumn. It was cooler and it felt like we could run anywhere. Oh yeah…I remember laughing so hard when that person ran into a pile of leaves on the way home.

Kate: I don’t think I’ll run into a pile of leaves, but…I can go on a walk with you!

Roger: What, do you really wanna fill in for them?

Kate: Yes. I want Roger to feel better.

Roger: Oh…?

There was suddenly an intense glow in those eyes hidden behind those glasses.

I had a bad feeling based on my past experiences, but by the time I realized it, it was too late and I had lost my chance to escape.

Roger: We used to sleep in bed together…

Kate: Huh.

Roger: Also, they used to constantly lick my face even when I told them to stop. When I held them, their warmth made me feel at ease. [Me: It’s a dog isn’t it]

Kate: Lick…Hold…?!

My eyes widened as he added one outrageous thing to another.

(No matter how much I say I want to cheer him up, there’s a limit…)

Roger: So…you wanna take their place?

Kate: I-I…

I don’t think I could do most of the things he just mentioned.

However, I really want to cheer Roger up.

(By licking, does that mean kissing…)

(I wonder if I can kiss him somewhere beside his lips…)

My eyes looked him over as I searched for a place to kiss him without anyhidden meaning. And then-

Kate: Mm…

After making up my mind, I took Roger’s arm and kissed it lightly.

Kate: How’s…this?!

Roger: Pfft, haha! What’s up with that challenging look!

I must’ve looked distressed, and Roger let out a hearty laugh.

Kate: Please don’t laugh! This is the best I can do…

Roger: Sorry, sorry. I’m just surprised it wasn’t a little more sensual. At any rate, do you have an arm fetish since you kissed mine?

Kate: F-fetish?! No! That kiss was to cheer you up! I can’t lick you and stuff so I did that instead.

Roger: I heard that a kiss on the arm or neck meant desire…

Kate: HUH?!

Roger: I wonder, what kind of desires were you hiding when you touched me?

Roger closed the distance between us and stared as if observing me.

I couldn’t stand it and looked away.

Kate: I think it’s you who has desires, not me…

Roger: So what now. It’s only natural to have desires if you’re alive, isn’t it?

With a deep laugh in his throat, Roger hugged my waist.

How could he still be this strong even though he’s drunk?

Before I could mush him away, a hand reached out and exposed my right shoulder.

Roger: You know what kind of guy I am, yet you keep coming to me.

Kate: P-please wait. People can see-

Roger: And what if they can’t? They can’t see us in the shadows.

Roger’s lips fell onto my exposed right shoulder.

Kate: Nn…

His lips traced along my collarbone as if inspecting it.

I felt a strange sense of pleasure as he lightly sucked on my neck, and my body shivered.

Roger’s intense eyes were on me the whole time, as if he didn’t want to miss a single look on my face.

Roger: Do you like it here?

Mischievous lips touch me as if inspecting me.

Roger: *chu* Mn…Haa…

I hate my body for responding so honestly.

Roger: Oh…You like being sucked here?

(I…What…?)

(Does Roger…Kiss others like this too?)

(Is that how you memorize what a person’s body is like…and think back on it like before?)

I wonder if I too will one day become a part of Roger’s past.

When that thought popped in my head, my heart couldn’t help but ache.

Kate: Did you do this with the person you mentioned before?

Roger: Person…?

Kate: The person that cheered you up… [Me: Kate please…]

I don’t know why I’m so bothered by it.

However, once I spoke up, I couldn’t take it back.

Roger: I never said it was a “person” yanno?

Kate: Eh…?

Roger laughed at my dumbfounded look.

Roger: Pfft, haha…They were a dog. The family corgi.

Kate: Dog…?!

(So when you were talking about walking around town, you meant taking them for a walk…And licking your face is something dogs do.)

(Feeling warm and at ease when you hold them…Yeah, got it)

Roger: They’re still in good health. Spoiled and fat too. Wanna see him some time?

Kate: *sigh* Sure, but…

Without daring to state the important part, Roger misled me into thinking the other party was a person. [Me: I thought it was obvious he was talking about a dog when he talked about the licking]

But I felt like an idiot for having my imagination run wild, and got discouraged before I could blame it.

Roger: So, I’m only doing this with you. Relaxed now?

Kate: N-no! Don’t say weird things like that!

I hurriedly pushed Roger away and this time, he let me go easily.

The fact that he didn’t stop me made me feel a bit unsatisfied…I’m sure I just lost myself for a moment.

Roger: Now that we got that misunderstanding cleared up, I’m gonna ask you again…Do you wanna take their place?

Kate: I can’t!! I’m a person!!

(Even though I’m the one that misunderstood, it’s frustrating to be teased again…!)

In contrast to my reproachful glare, Roger smiled in amusement.

(Ah, but…Roger’s feeling better, so that’s a relief)

#ikemen villains #ikevil translations #roger barel #ikevil roger #ikevil #ikevil jp

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