#narcissisticabuserecovery
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#narcissisticabuserecovery#narcissisticabuse#complex ptsd#trauma recovery#cptsd recovery#boundaries#mental health#self care#empathy#gaslighting
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#poetry#l.y.s.s#poem#spilled ink#poets on tumblr#cptsd#trauma recovery#path#the path of my own#healing#finding myself#lost#narcissisticabuserecovery
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This goes out to ab*se survivors...
Sure, you can talk to therapists, partners, friends, family,etc, but when you talk to people who have BEEN there, it is extremely comforting knowing that they completely and totally understand what you are feeling and they won't judge for any feelings of guilt, shame, bitterness, fear, even feelings of missing the person you thought you loved.
I get it.. 💯 please don't be afraid to reach out.
It's ok, I get it. Your feelings are valid.
#narcissisticabuserecovery#just cptsd things#living with cptsd#cptsd recovery#actually cptsd#cptsd vent#tw ptsd#ptsd recovery#complex ptsd#ptsd#actually ptsd#parental abuse#mental abuse#verbal abuse#emotional abuse#tw abuse#you are not alone#psychology
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If narcissistic abuse is abuse to support narcissistic delusion, what was your parents delusions when they abused you?
My Mother
My mums main delusions regarding how she'd justify abusing me were very "thoughtcrime" coded. She beleived that she knew what I was thinking and she wanted me to belive that she knew what I was thinking. She wanted me to feel like I didn't have any privacy even in my own thoughts. She started vocalising these delusions around the time the abuse turned physical on her part, when I was around 5 years old.
She was constantly telling me that she "knew" that I was thinking bad things about her, that she "knew" I believed her to be abusive and that she "knew" I pretended to love her on the surface but that secretly I hated her. She shared her beliefs with not just me, but other adults in her circle who were like her, that I was secretly manipulative and had intentions to sabotage her life. Obviously she didn't know shit, this was just her internal justification for why she was treating me in a way she knew no child should be treated.
My mother never shared her delusions with safe, sane adults who would question her intentions either. Only other adults with histories of abusing their children were privy to this belief system of hers.
Jane's Father.
In my time studying Psychology at college I spoke to a study candidate, Jane Doe about her experience with her parents. She told me that on match days her father would sit wordlessly at the television and work himself up into a silent rage. He'd do this until, loaded like a spring trap, one of her siblings would cross him and he'd snap, catching the unsuspecting child into a flurry of random abuse.
All it would take was a careless foot to kick the leather recliner he'd claimed for the day or an ill timed giggle to set him off and once he was off, that was it. Shouting, swearing hitting, kicking furniture. Mr Doe was like an unexploded bomb in Jane's memory of him and it was not hard to see why.
"So that was it?" I asked her when she'd finished her story. "He'd just go off at random and nobody knew why?"
"Oh we all knew why." Jane told me. "He thought we did it on purpose. That we all had no respect for him, so we would laugh and play specifically on Match Sunday just to piss him off."
It was equally relatable and ridiculous to me. A grown man perched for hours of a Sunday watching sports on the TV, quietly seething at the delusion that his kids had it out for him. Absurd.
Absurdity further confirmed when Jane told me about the big match day parties he'd host whenever the finals were on.
Jane's father would sit in his favourite leather sofa, surrounded by the other men of the family, being waited on by their wives while Jane and the other children were left unsupervised to eat sugar and fizzy pop till they were practically bouncing off the walls.
On these days the kids, hopped up on sugar and artificial food additives would scream and laugh and cry, running through the living room with abandon, too hyper to consider dad's emotions. They'd come tearing through the living room loudly, begging for sips of beer and cranking up loud toys. They'd rush in like a hurricane and out just as fast, leaving a mess of crumbs, wrappers and nerf bullets in their wake.
Logic would dictate that these were the worst days to be around Mr Doe right? That if a foot clipping his couch or a laugh from the next room was enough to have him explode on a regular Sunday, surely he was likely to go nuclear with these feckless kids causing a ruckus on the day of the final?
No. Actually, Jane told me Mr Doe didn't seethe or rage at all on these days. He wouldn't shout or hit or swear or even snap once. He wouldn't sit still in scary silence, as if waiting for an excuse to go off. He'd actually light up, become Mr Personality apparently. He'd bounce the little ones on his knees and return nerf fire when given a chance to join the game. It was like night and day. Why? Because Jane's father never actually beleived that the children were intentionally trying to ruin his match day.
It was a delusion he knew only existed to justify his abuse. He knew it then and he knows it now. When he was surrounded by people who didn't have these types of abuse justifying delusions, he couldn't engage in his own. He knew it isn't how other people treat their kids and see the world. He knew that expressing the delusion to people who didn't have their own would expose his own abuse, and he knew that his kids didn't only exist to ruin every Sunday for him. He was just abusive. There's no other explanation.
My Stepfather.
My stepfathers narcissistic delusion was firmly seated in ownership of his family. He felt he "owned" me by being married to my mother and the way he expressed that ownership was in violent physical abuse.
Generally he phrased the abuse as if it was a "punishment" but it really wasn't. He abused me to correct behaviour he encouraged a week before. He chose abuse to "punish" me for things that he knew weren't in my control. He chose abuse that was exceedingly violent and would refuse to seek medical attention when I needed it as a result of his choices.
There were times he wanted to use his perceived ownership of me to humiliate and control me. So he'd use physical threats to control when I got to shower or if I could get dressed before guests came. He'd do things like tear up homework or deny acsess to school uniform to impress upon me that his random whims came above the rules of the school I attended.
Like my mum only telling trusted confidants about her delusions, my step father would never tell the people I was supposed to be degraded and humiliated in front of why I was only I'm ratty house clothes and unshowered. When school called home and asked about the lack of uniform and homework he'd never say "actually my rule comes before yours and my kid needs to know it." Because he knew it was a delusion and an internal justification for abuse, not a line of logic consistent with reality.
Remember, narcissistic abusers aren't mentally ill in any way that's relevant to their abuse right? They're aware that the delusion exists only in their head to justify the way they treat their victims. They're not experiencing delusions that shape the way they see the world around them. They know the rest of the world isn't consistent with what they tell themselves they beleive. My parents are no exception.
My parents were full mask off at home. We kids got the privilege of seeings exactly what they thought and how it affected their behaviour. We got front row seats to them convincing themselves the absolutely batshit bananas things they insisted they believed and these weren't the only ones they had over the years. It always follows the same pattern though, its delusion to justify abuse, abuse to justify delusion. Just a chicken and the egg/ snake sucking it's own dick cycle of abuse and delusion.
And now you know it too!
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
#narcissistic abuse#raised by narcissists#vent post#complex trauma#emotionally immature parents#adult children of emotionally immature parents#parental abuse#narcissistic parents#narcissistic abuse awareness#narcissistic abuse support#narcissisticabuserecovery#narcissistic abuse recovery#abuse recovery#narcissistic delusion
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Hear Me
A poem about being the scapegoat of a narcissistic mother
You say "I'll do better"
We say "I believe you"
You say "I'm trying my best"
We say "I believe you."
You say "I'm doing better this time."
We say "I believe you."
You say "I'm going through alot right now."
They say "we believe you."
I say "I know, me too."
You say "were a team"
We say "I believe you"
You say "it's not my fault."
They say "I believe you."
I say "it's not ours either."
You say "yous aren't making it any easier."
They say "I'm sorry"
I say "it's not any easier on us."
You say "You don't know what it's like."
They say "I'm sorry."
I say "but I do."
You say "Leave it, it makes me feel better."
They say "I'm sorry."
I say "I don't want to pick up the pieces again."
You say "I don't see you dad's helping us."
They say "We hate them."
I say "You taught us to lie to him, he doesn't know how bad its gotten."
You say "Everyone's against us."
They say "we hate them."
I say "for good reason.
Then we argue. We argue. And we argue again.
You say "If you hate it here so much, go live with your dads."
They say "no, we hate them."
I say "fine." I pack my bags.
We argue a last time...
You say "your being dramatic. Just come home."
I say "I'm done."
Now, we haven't spoken in a year.
You say "Your sister hates me."
They say "we hate her."
What I say doesn't matter, cause you don't let them hear me.
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#narcissisticabuserecovery#survivingfrankiezerella#living with cptsd#narcissistic abuse#covert narcissism#danielryancotler#narcissism#narcissistic personality disorder#poem#dark empath
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Manage your expectations. The more you expect YOU from the narcissist, the more disappointed you’ll be. Expecting the narcissist to suddenly be normal, respectful, understanding and logical is a great way to be more and more disappointed. Let yourself be disappointed instead of gaslighting yourself into believing that they will one day “see the error in their ways” and holding your breath for however much time you think they need to see the light or whatever. (Tip: pour that energy and effort into yourself and your healing journey.) When you expect them to be exactly who they are, it’s a lot less shocking to observe them being exactly who they are. Instead of having expectations of other people (in general too, not just narcs), taking them at face value and trusting their behaviour over their words will save you an immense amount of stress. Of course, this doesn’t change the situation or eliminate the stress completely, but it’s a great start to have this shift in perspective in the back of your mind. 🚨🚨🚨PS: Registration is OPEN for my free webinar: Creating Your Own Closure After Narcissistic Abuse! It’s happening LIVE on March 28, at 2:00 pm EST. Go to the link in my bio to register! #Narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #narcissist #hiddenabuse #gaslighting #manipulators #verbalabuse #covertnarcissist #narcopath #projection https://www.instagram.com/p/Cp2OyyYMtwL/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#narcissisticabuserecovery#narcissisticabuse#emotionalabuse#mentalabuse#narcissist#hiddenabuse#gaslighting#manipulators#verbalabuse#covertnarcissist#narcopath#projection
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Understanding Narcissistic Abuse: What It Is and How To Recover?
Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that is perpetrated by someone with narcissistic personality disorder or traits. It can take many forms, including gaslighting, manipulation, emotional neglect, belittling, and exploitation.
The following are some common signs of narcissistic abuse:
A constant need for attention and admiration
Belittling, demeaning, or insulting language or behavior
An inability to acknowledge or apologize for mistakes
A lack of empathy for others
Manipulation and gaslighting
Control and domination over their partner
Emotional neglect or abandonment
Blaming their partner for everything that goes wrong in the relationship
Isolation from family and friends
Threats or violence.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a long and difficult process, but it is possible.
The following are some strategies that may help:
Seek Therapy: Therapy can provide a safe space to process your experiences and emotions, and can help you develop coping mechanisms for dealing with triggers and negative thoughts.
Build a Support System: Surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive and understanding, and who can provide emotional support when you need it.
Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. This can include exercise, healthy eating, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the person who has abused you, and stick to them. This can include limiting or cutting off contact, and refusing to engage in behaviors that are harmful to you.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Work to identify and challenge negative beliefs and thoughts about yourself that were reinforced by the abuse.
Take Legal Action If Necessary: If you have experienced physical or sexual abuse, or if your partner has engaged in illegal activities, consider taking legal action.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a difficult and overwhelming process. It is important to seek professional help to heal from the trauma of being in an abusive relationship. Therapy for narcissistic trauma, emotional abuse victims, and survivors of domestic violence are all available options for those seeking help. Professional counselors and therapists can provide support, guidance, and tools to help individuals manage their emotions, cope with the effects of the abuse, and develop healthy coping strategies. With the right kind of therapy, survivors can begin to heal from their traumatic experiences and move forward with their lives.
Remember, recovery is a process, and it can take time. Be patient with yourself and seek support when you need it.
#narcissisticabuse#narcissist#emotionalabuse#gaslighting#narcissism#toxicrelationships#narcissisticabusesurvivor#sociopath#toxicpeople#domesticviolence#abuse#narcissisticpersonalitydisorder#domesticabuse#selflove#narcissisticabuserecovery#healing#manipulation#traumabonding#covertnarcissist#trauma#psychopath#psychologicalabuse#mentalhealth#narcissistic#divorce#cptsd#empath#calabases#california
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#narcissisticabuserecovery#narcissisticabuse#complex ptsd#trauma recovery#cptsd recovery#boundaries#mental health#self care#empathy#gaslighting
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Dealing with coworkers who exhibit narcissistic abuse tendencies can be challenging, but with the right strategies, it is possible to protect your wellbeing and maintain a healthy work environment. By understanding the signs, setting boundaries, seeking support, and engaging the appropriate channels, you can effectively navigate the complexities of such situations. Remember, addressing narcissistic abuse is not only crucial for your personal growth but also for cultivating a positive and productive workplace for everyone involved. Visit our Website for more information!!
#narcissist#npd#breakup healing#narcissisticabuserecovery#narcissistic abuse#narcissisticabuse#toxicpeople#narcissisticpersonalitydisorder
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When you’re around someone who sucks your Life Force out of you, it will feel like a constant energy drain on you – to the point of exhaustion. It will also feel like everything is always about them and that your opinion doesn’t matter – they’re not listening to you, they don’t seem the least bit interested in you as a person or what’s going on in your life. Basically, they are stealing your psychic and emotional energy leaving you depleted of your own resources. Then, at random times, things will shift and this person will be attentive and nice and they may even grant you energy, time and resources. But beware, an energy vampire is always brokering a deal in their favor – they’re setting you up for a fall. ~ Rick dC @SaveMeFromToxic #vampires #narcissist #narcawareness #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #suckyoursoul #suck #emptysouls #blacksouls #energy #energydrain https://www.instagram.com/p/ConnKwmStSS/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#vampires#narcissist#narcawareness#narcissisticabuse#narcissisticabuserecovery#suckyoursoul#suck#emptysouls#blacksouls#energy#energydrain
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#blogpost @ carlacorelli.com A narcissist enabler is a person who, knowingly or unknowingly, enables and supports the behavior of a narcissist.
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I'm so angry with you. Anytime I've EVER needed you, you've been no where to be found. A stranger in need tho? You'll drop everything for a girl you just met. But me? No fucks given. I'll never understand why.
I keep hoping you'll snap out of your stupidity and be there for me at least once in your God damn life, but deep down, I know that will never happen. Yet here I am, waiting like a dumbass.
I just thought maybe after being together for nearly eight fucking years meant something to you other than a convenience. I tell myself you never loved me. It's easier than trying to figure out why you treated me like trash and other girls you barely knew like royalty. I have endless questions for you and I have to accept that I'll never have answers bc I'll never get the accurate story from a narcissistic asshole.
Fuck you.
#post beak up#breakups#toxic relationship#narcissisticabuserecovery#narcissticabuseawareness#april 2024#wordvomit
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#book blog#poem#love poem#prose#poems on tumblr#narcissism#poetry#narcissistic abuse#living with cptsd#danielryancotler#voicelessbook#survivingfrankiezerella#narcissisticabuserecovery#covert narcissism#suicide#amazon
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It’s a waste of time and energy trying to reason with unreasonable people. Pour that energy into yourself and your healing journey instead. Even if the narc lives with you and it currently feels like a hopeless situation, you can still engage less. Yes it’s easier said than done. Yes the narcissist will probably get mad and lash out when they notice you engaging less. But also, YES anything the narcissist says to you is calculated to incite a reaction out of you. They get a little kick out of your reaction. Being aware of how you react and making a conscious effort to not react while you’re talking to the narcissist is how you begin to take your power back. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t become the grey rock champion overnight. None of this is ever an overnight process. It’s all about baby steps one day at a time. This is where doing the emotional work comes in handy - processing your emotions (away from the narcissist) can actually help you to not react emotionally to them. Want a little taste of doing the inner work? Grab my free rage journaling guide at the link in my bio! Want to take your healing journey up a notch and join a safe community for survivors to connect, get access to my best courses, attend live events, and have a safe place to share or vent what you’re going through and share your wins? Then I invite you to join my community membership! The best part is it’s super affordable, you can get started for less than $1/day! Click the link in my profile to learn more. (Disclaimer: inner work won’t help you if the narc gets physically violent. If that happens or seems like it might happen, an Instagram post is not going to help you, get yourself to safety asap and get authorities involved! Your physical safety is always # 1!) #Narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabuse #narcissistfree #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuseexpert #emotionalabuse #psychologicalabuse #mentalabuse #toxicistoxic #toxicpeople #gaslightingawareness #darktriad https://www.instagram.com/p/CpDuZjaONJE/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#narcissisticabuserecovery#narcissisticabuse#narcissistfree#narcissisticabusesurvivor#narcissisticabuseexpert#emotionalabuse#psychologicalabuse#mentalabuse#toxicistoxic#toxicpeople#gaslightingawareness#darktriad
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