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thesirencult · 8 months

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ICY DIARIES 💎 "MEN FOR THE STREETS ARE NOT COMFORTABLE IN MANSIONS"

She don't want your man, she wants to be you...

Important Disclaimer : I don't advise people to endorse in celebrity culture. I believe that pop culture serves as a way for us to explore archetypical characters, it acts as a mirror and a collective pool.

A few hours ago I came across the above TikTok.

Long story short, a well known TikToker posted a couple of videos talking about the fact that a woman should keep her job no matter what and never let go of herself, because her husband could leave her for a younger woman at some point, especially when she's older. At the same time, she took down all of her videos with her husband and some people noticed that her ring was missing. Allegedly her husband had contacted a s*x worker and was talking with her. That side piece came out and said that she was the wife's fan and well... Check out the video above for more details.

Now... Onto the main course 🍽️

You have to remember one thing and one thing only. YOU are the most important person in your life.

Many people like to point out that these "dark feminine" tips are narcissistic. If you get in an airplane crash you should first put your mask on before helping others, otherwise you will all die. That's how life is.

Don't let men and nasty women play you by telling you that your value gets lower with age. If your partner would leave you for a you get woman he is not a high value man.

Now that we got this out of the way...

We are going to talk about the SIDE PIECE. I'm one of those women who believe that a man is not an infant. He is the one who decides to cheat. Same goes for women who do that. You got to take responsibility and dive deep into your soul because something is wrong there.

BUT. There are some women who are a disgrace to our gender. They take pride in seducing men who are married or in partnerships with other women. This stems from their internalised hatred towards feminine energy.

The "side chick" caught in the TikTok, drama fell onto the net all by herself. She wanted to show her face and to be known as the women who broke the famous TikTok creator.

This women don't want your man. They want to be you. They are leeches who are looking for a way into your life, be it through friendship or through other vulnerable spots like your unloyal husband.

That's why the most important decision you will make in your life is who you spend it with. You could be the most successful, beautiful and bright soul in the world, but a man could strangle that light and destroy you. Also, don't hang around people who are fangirling over you, that's internalised jealousy (haven't you noticed fans of famous boybands ?) and avoid having weak people in your circle.

Never, ever abandon yourself for someone else.

#hypergamyblr #hypergamous #hypergamy #self care #siren #seduction #lawofattraction #personal growth #level up journey #leveling up #level up #self development #self improvement #high value dating #dark feminine aesthetic #dark feminine energy #dark femininity #high value mindset #high value woman

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bleulone · 4 months

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Roi's captivating journey in Berlín: on defying authority, seeking approval and exploring his desire…

Or a long meta nobody asked for in which I delve into why he’s the best character in this spinoff and why his "romance" with Cameron unfortunately didn’t really make sense.

Foreword : I'm a sucker for nerdy male fictional characters with a hidden hint of confidence, a dark/tragic backstory, who wear the slutty glasses™ and look like they never felt the touch of a woman—of course when Roi was firstly introduced, I knew from the start that he's going to live in my mind rent free for the upcoming months.

˚ · • . ° . ׂׂૢ་༘࿐˚ · • . ° .

From the very first episode, it becomes clear that Berlín unravels as a tale centered around love. Nevertheless, it extends beyond romantic love, notwithstanding the musings of our chaotic, narcissistic dandy of a professional thief who philosophizes about the tantalizingly addictive energy of courtship, chase, and a lust he fervently desires. Although romantic love is prominently depicted as the main thread in the series, it is the comprehensive concept of Love that undergoes demystification, discussion, challenge, embrace, repulsion, and yearning.

The prevailing narrative of the entire season seemed to orbit a distinctive framework: romantic/carnal love, familial love, and self-love, stretching from birth to zenith and eventual demise. What particularly resonated with me was how the creators delved into the exploration of how these love forms can serve as both sources of freedom and imprisonment for the characters. It adds a poetic and meta layer when considering that this entire discussion unfolds against the backdrop of the Parisian landscape.

Within the fragrance that permeated this spinoff, Roi's storyline unquestionably stood out as the most intriguing among the banda. Despite its imperfections, particularly in the romantic aspect (which we'll talk about later), his evolution throughout the season seemed the most logical. To arrive at this conclusion, I believe it's essential to revisit storytelling basics and comprehend why, in my perspective, his arc made the most sense.

For a hero's journey to unfold successfully, it typically follows eight steps, and Roi's arc approximately adheres to these stages, employing a significant amount of telling and a bit of showing:

1. The Call: Running away from home at 13 and engaging in petty crimes. 2. The Threshold: Encountering Berlin at 17 and finally getting out of juvie. 3. + 4. The Challenges and The Abyss: Following the Boss's orders—retrieving the calice, "babysitting" Cameron, and maintaining a distance from her. 5. The Transformation: Failing to comply with orders and defying lover!Berlin. 6. The Revelation: Disclosing the truth to Berlin about the lost necklace during the night at the race, leading to approval and apology. 7. The Atonement: Evading the police, and Roi expressing gratitude for Berlin's guidance and lessons in self-control. 8. The Return (with a Gift): Successfully reaching Madrid, leaving the narrative with a seemingly happy ending, though the final details remain unknown.

Having observed a portion of his journey, Roi's character possesses a distinctive charm, largely stemming from the preconceived notions we harbor about him—"the youngster," "the naive and charming boy who simply follows instructions." I am inclined to think that the most notable feature of his arc this season is its "coming-of-age" essence that resonates with many. He strives to liberate himself from the constraints of unquestioning obedience to Berlin, opting instead to be guided by instinct, explore desire, embrace his identity, and assert his free will.

I truly enjoyed the universal elements in his relationship with Berlin: the admiration, care, the vulnerability and pride. I couldn't get enough of their scenes and wished for more. I was particularly intrigued to know a bit more about Berlin's perspective on education and how he imparted his principles to Roi. Surprisingly, it's refreshing to witness how the young man, contrary to expectations, isn't a Berlin Jr., but rather a wiser, more innocent, and stern version of himself.

Roi's evolution from a runaway orphan misfit to a disciplined young man was truly captivating, primarily because it allowed us to connect with him emotionally. He became the only character who shared such a precious and intimate piece of himself, giving us insight into why Berlin holds such significance for him. This added layer of vulnerability only serves to enhance his endearing personality.

On that note, I admire the way his naivety, which parallels Rio in La Casa de Papel, contrasts with his playfulness and extroversion. Roi's serious demeanor is understandable, considering his challenging upbringing both at home and in juvenile detention; he had to be self-reliant and fight his way through life. His skill in unlocking doors provided a glimpse of his delicacy and patience, making him genuinely distinctive. Indeed, the calmness, uncertainty, and darkness were further echoed in his casual attire and color palette—comprising blue, grey, and black.

I could extensively discuss Roi's incredible personality and his son/father relationship he has with Andres, but unfortunately, I just have to talk about the bad. Yes, Roi's story arc has some limitations that left me a bit disappointed, considering the amazing potential within his character. While he ended up demonstrating maturity and professionalism throughout the series, there was a certain immaturity when it came to matters of "love".

I guess that now is a good time to address the elephant in the room: his (quite underwhelming) "romantic" relationship with Cameron. I find myself somewhat blaming the trailer, as it led me to believe I was in for a compelling love story with a unique approach to the "bad girl/good boy trope" (which I adore). I was particularly displeased with how misleading the "lock picking" and the "No me mires" tattoo scenes in the pilot were, as they seemed to be included solely to inject a bit of sexiness into the show.

Listen, I'm a big fan of romance, and one thing that most romance enthusiast tend to do is approaching love stories in two distinct parts: 1) understanding the characters before the relationship, how they function individually, and 2) how the relationship will shape their individual growth and their growth together.

This is often observed through well-known romantic tropes that typically bring characters together and facilitate both physical and emotional connections. So, let's examine which tropes influenced their interactions: work colleagues, forced proximity, tending wounds (and the somewhat cliché "insta love"). This description may seem fitting at first glance, innit? But did these tropes truly work for them?

One crucial factor to consider is time: I strongly believe that a majority of love stories are slow burns that unfold over different spans. And sorry, chief, but timing wasn't on their side.

Apologies to all the Cameroi shippers out there, but I found it difficult to believe in their relationship, and it felt underwhelming for both characters. After finishing Season 1, opting for a platonic relationship might have been the better choice for them. Let me elaborate on why.

If Pina and Martínez Lobato truly intended to highlight romance (which was a bit overwhelming because literally, everyone had a romantic arc—like babe, it’s too much), especially a romance that made sense for the characters, they should have incorporated more angst and a slow burn. Why? Because, in this season, neither of Roi and Cameron are in the right place to fall in love.

On one hand, Roi's (scarce) romantic history reveals his naivety and idealized perception of love. To be frank, I would even go so far as to say his experience is practically nonexistent. His feelings seemed more like infatuation than genuine love, which requires a deeper connection that they didn't really have time to develop.

A part of me thinks Berlin's "strict" teachings about women played a role. The scene in 1.01 in the bathroom somewhat confirmed that Berlin might have admonished Roi in the past, likely instructing him on managing his hormones. Additionally, when our sweet summer child assured Berlin that he didn't initiate or encourage such behavior with Cameron, it became evident that being prudish was a lesson he had clearly absorbed.

Being a reserved young gentleman who wouldn't dare to meet the eyes of a woman he fancies, in contrast to the charismatic lover Berlin, I'm inclined to think he still has his V card—I can't interfere; it's a canon event.

If Roi seriously lacks experience with women, despite his first and only teenage romantic involvement during juvenile detention, it's only natural that he would stumble. This is evident in his interactions with Cameron. His steps are endearing and pure, but also somewhat messy and oddly quick. For someone who hates being seen as an obedient puppy, he swiftly follows Cameron's suggestion about the glasses, removing them instantly. I found this moment quite intriguing. It would have made more sense in 1.04, right after the quarrel at Polignac house. Removing them on that same night would have heightened the scene's impact and symbolically marked the transition from the old to the new Roi. Then again, taking time is crucial. It could have mirrored the fear of crossing boundaries and played with the symbolic idea that desire mirrors fear.

(**internal screaming** The creators missed an opportunity to delve deeper into the use of mirror imagery and internal conflict.)

That's why his “love” confession to Cameron in 1.07 appeared laughable, rushed and childish. Indeed, as she aptly said, he has "no idea if they'd still be together if Jimmy wasn't part of the equation." How dare he? I feel like this scene was pivotal, opening the door for Roi to reflect on his advances and avoid rushing into things, making him more cautious about the "lines you cannot cross in love" that dad!Berlin warned him about.

Yes, in the lights of his "romantic" arc, Roi had an illusion of love. Were there emotions involved? Certainly, especially since she helped him discuss his past. Lust? Absolutely.

As for Cameron, she's still grappling with trauma from her last relationship (to be honest, given all the suspense, her backstory was quite disappointing). It would have been in line with her character to step back from love and take some time to focus on herself before engaging in anything new. If the creators really wanted to push the romance, they could have only focused on subtle gestures like handholding and meaningful gazes to build the romantic tension, and not just sexual tension.

I didn't appreciate how they were quickly and overly physical with each other. The emphasis on physical touch didn't enhance the pseudo-emotional intimacy. In fact, I don't believe Cameron fell in love or became very infatuated with Roi. I would have preferred her to embody the femme fatale vibe Esther and Alex gave her and maintain a more casual relationship. Yielding to Roi's advances in the end seemed out of character because she should have been triggered, wary of falling deeply in love again and hurting our sweet baby boy Roi.

This is why their kiss felt unnecessarily desperate and passionate. A simple hug would have sufficed. I understand the fear of not seeing each other for three days, but the purpose of Cameron's words in between kisses, like "promise me" and "I can't myself," left me confused and mainly with unanswered questions. It's even more frustrating when we overlook her role in the heist and the unique talent that makes her authentic in the crew.

To wrap up, I believe both of these characters should have been individually explored. Consider the Octopus and the No me mires tattoos, for instance. Why introduce his through Cameron? Why didn't Roi ask about the meaning behind hers? Exploring this could have provided intriguing clues about her past. We could have witnessed a compelling scene of Roi changing, letting the audience notice the tattoos and prompting questions about their significance. Am I surprised that an entire episode is named after his tattoo, yet its origin remains undisclosed? Not at this point. Consequently, I found it difficult to connect with their bonding over the tattoos.

Despite being 23, their story really felt like a teenage love affair. I suppose I'll let fanfiction fill the void left (or do it myself with missing scenes and an eventual ofc, considering Roi is such fanfiction material).

All in all, Roi was undoubtedly the most captivating character. Performed by a wonderful Julio Peña, he skillfully broke the rules and awkwardly embraced his desires, ultimately earning the approval of his second father figure. I'm uncertain about what to expect in a potential Season 2, but one thing I absolutely need more than ever is flashbacks and explanations, especially given it's fucking Berlin's golden age.

What about you? What's your take on Roi? Did you enjoy his character arc and his "romance"? If you made it to the end, thank you ! Thank you very much for taking the time to read all this ramble of mine. I'm genuinely curious to hear your thoughts within the niche fandom here on Tumblr :)

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thegirlwiththeblush · 1 year

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Honest

- Love Quinn x Reader

- Word Count: 2,484

- Shared prompt with @vorsdany

Summary: Reader pursues a crush on Love Quinn, only to discover she’s not exactly what she seems.

a/n: sometimes i just throw words together and they’re not great but i try

I’m not sure what it was that first caused me to fall for Love Quinn.

It’s not that there wasn’t anything about her that stood out; quite the opposite, in fact. In a city full of self-absorbed, fame-hungry narcissists, her kind heart and unreserved smile were a sight for sore eyes. She never forgot a face, and she never refused anyone her time or her effort. Being the younger sibling of her twin brother Forty’s best friend, I’d had the opportunity to watch her grow into a strong and generous young woman.

So it was really no wonder that I’d taken a fancy to her. But I wanted to know why it took so long.

I remember the day I figured out that I was attracted to her; it wasn’t that the feelings developed then, but rather, it felt like I stumbled upon them, already existing, hidden deep in my mind.

The four of us had been out picnicking, a rare opportunity we’d taken when the Quinns had the day off from Anavrin and my brother wasn’t working on one of his hundreds of projects. When our brothers had decided to crack open some beers and start discussing business concepts and Forty’s never-ending script ideas, Love and I excused ourselves to sit mindlessly and make daisy chains.

“Y’know,” Love said, breaking the silence as she gently split a stem, “these are actually two flowers in one.”

I raised an eyebrow in intrigue, waiting for her to elaborate. A lock of hair slipped over her shoulder from behind as she leaned forward, continuing.

“The yellow in the centre is a separate bloom from the petals,” she explained. “It turns out a plant is better at multitasking than humans are.”

I chuckled at her joke and returned my attention to my task. She began humming softly, a tune I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but the melody moved something in me. I looked up at her again, taking her all in; her hair draping into the long grass as she leaned forward, her long, slender fingers working delicately. She ceased her humming for a moment, and without moving her head, her eyes darted up to meet mine, a small smile breaking her focus as she caught me in the act. Then, as if nothing had happened, she continued her song, murmuring the lyrics, and even shuffling closer to me.

The solace I found in her presence in that moment, the sense of safety and absolute comfort, awakened something in me.

Hardly a day went by once I discovered my feelings for her that I didn’t pop in to Anavrin. I didn’t always say hi; sometimes I’d just watch her through the kitchen window, admiring her focus and enthusiasm as she baked and cooked for her friends. There was a good chance she knew I was there; if I ever encountered her in the store, she’d flash a knowing grin at me, as if she was proud of keeping my secrets to herself. Occasionally I was invited to events with her, Forty, and my brother, but these were rather infrequent, and far from enough to feed my curiosity, so I had to resort to my little spy missions.

“I honestly don’t know why you like her so much,” Delilah said as she sipped at her smoothie. She sat across from me in our favourite café, an umbrella over our table protecting us from the unforgiving Los Angeles sun. I shifted shyly in my seat, the sweat on the back of my legs gluing me to it. Delilah was one of my closest friends, but she was never one to mince words, even with those she cared about; not to mention, with her independent mindset, she probably wouldn’t call me one of her closest friends.

“The Quinns are just a bunch of rich, stuck-up bitches,” she continued, pushing her shades up to the top of her head as she sat back. “Love’s the only decent one, but even if she was worth it, I’d never marry into that family.”

No one said anything about marriage, but I could see her point.

“It’s nothing, really,” I insisted. “It’s probably just a passing fascination, honestly; no one else here is interesting enough.”

I expected her to get snarky about me inadvertently calling her uninteresting, but she simply stuck out her lower lip and tilted her head in agreement. “Everyone thinks they are,” she pointed out.

Unfortunately, she had a solid point.

That afternoon, after Delilah had gone back to the hotel she managed to check in on her younger sister, I gave in to my tendencies and headed towards Anavrin. I wondered if the other employees there were wary of me, always coming in and, most of the time, leaving with nothing. Not that it was going to stop me, but I didn’t want to come off as some loiterer or stalker.

“Hello, again, stalker.”

I spun round to face Forty Quinn, raising an eyebrow to appear confused by his accusation. He smirked, not at all convinced by my ploy. “You have a contender,” he added innocently, gesturing in the direction I had been heading. Turning to follow his gaze, I saw a young man around Love’s age, chatting casually with Love. I blinked rapidly; she looked so engaged, so enraptured by him, that I immediately felt jealousy bubbling up in my throat.

“You’re jealous.”

I turned back to face him, shoving my emotions down. “I’m not,” I argued calmly. “I’m very happy for her actually.”

“Mhm.” He nodded sarcastically, obviously not buying it. “Maybe you should’ve made a move sooner, huh, sport?”

I squinted at the nickname but didn’t have the courage to roll my eyes. Who knew what Forty could do to me if he got wound up. Instead, we both continued spying on the newbie and Love. They were too far for us to catch the entire conversation, but I heard enough to figure out his name was Will, and he’d just been hired to work in the Anavrin café. So he’s gonna be sticking around? Damn it.

It was Forty’s turn to raise an eyebrow at the long, wistful gaze they exchanged, before Love excused herself, leaving Will to watch her while Forty and I ducked behind a bookshelf to avoid Love.

“Something definitely just blossomed there, sport,” he whispered to me, rubbing his chin thoughtfully with his thumb and forefinger. “I’m gonna have to keep a close eye on this Will guy.” He looked at me with a glint in his eye. “And you’re gonna have to up your game.”

I left before I could get myself caught up in any more of Forty’s scheming, but not before buying a frosted bun from the café so as not to look suspicious.

I wasn’t really sure what to expect when it came to Will. Love had never been interested in anyone since her husband James had passed; I’d always used this as an excuse for myself not to approach her with my feelings. But as I continued my little missions to Anavrin, and the more I observed Will, the more I began to question any chance I could have with the older Quinn twin. His character seemed so much deeper and more interesting than mine. He organized the bookshelves and stands in such a way that made him seem worthy of managing the store. Even Forty had taken a strong liking to him, enough to make me feel a twinge of jealousy.

“A good story cannot be devised,” Will said, speaking as if poor Forty could recognize literary quotations outside of comic strips and B-grade movie scripts, “it has to be distilled. That’s Raymond Chandler,” he added when Forty had no reaction but complete dissociation.

Forty slapped Will’s shoulder in delight, saying “Exactly!”, trying to give the impression that he’d felt Will’s sentiment in the depths of his soul. The quotation would’ve been better appreciated by Love, and I hated that.

Forty stepped back, surveying Will’s face in deep thought. “Sport,” he said. “Come with me to Harold night after work. I’m talent scouting.”

I turned away before I could catch more of the conversation and let it sting me any more. Sport. That was my nickname.

Forty wasn’t the one I was trying to win over. But if he was a harbinger of what was to come, things weren’t looking so good.

As if things couldn’t get more complicated, my brother was offered an amazing business proposal out of state the very week I spotted Forty and Will chatting. A golden opportunity, there was no way he could turn it down; and while I’d never left California, there was no way I was sticking around if he wasn’t staying. Not when my two best friends were being snatched away from me by some tall, gangly nerd.

Unless.

Maybe there was still some chance I could win Love over, if I was finally honest with her.

The next time I came into Anavrin, Love was in the kitchen; fortunately, the Quinns had given my brother and I complete access to the store, and most of the staff knew me. I made my way through the halls of lockers, fighting the urge to flip off Will as I passed him.

I opened the kitchen door softly so as not to startle Love, and blushed a little when a surprised smile came over her face at the sight of me. “Good morning,” she greeted as she slid some oven mitts on, “care for a muffin?”

I closed the door behind me and pulled up a chair next to the counter. “What kind?”

“Apple cinnamon,” she replied. I bristled as a wave of heat from the oven washed over me, and Love removed a tray from inside. The most tantalizing smell overwhelmed my nostrils, and my mouth immediately started watering. Good Lord, I was gonna have to be at my most vulnerable during this difficult conversation; I really had my work cut out for me.

“What brings you here, other than my unmatchable baking skills?” she asked. She handed me a muffin on a paper towel, the sweet aroma floating up into my face. I breathed in deep before answering.

“I’m sure Forty’s told you about my brother,” I began, before blowing on the muffin and taking a bite. An impossibly perfect texture; it held its shape when bitten into, but melted in the mouth. Why did everything she did have to be absolutely flawless?

“Yeah, he mentioned it yesterday,” she agreed, leaning back against the bench with a muffin of her own. “I’m excited for him! Are you moving with him?”

And here we were. The moment I’d denied myself for so long, but had no choice but to face now.

“That’s actually why I came to see you,” I said, lowering my voice. “I’m not sure.”

She tilted her head curiously. “Where do you feel more drawn to?”

I took another mouthful of muffin to stall myself up, before looking up to meet her gaze. Swallowing hard, the cinnamon flavour suddenly making breathing more difficult, I mumbled, “I feel drawn to you, Love.”

She grinned widely. “Aw, that’s sweet! I think you’re a great friend, too.”

I closed my eyes slowly. She was only making this more difficult. I bit my lip before adding, “I’m drawn to you in a way friends don’t understand.”

I didn't open my eyes. I was afraid of what I'd find; embarrassment? Disgust? A mix of both? My chances with her seemed to be growing slimmer the longer I gazed at the back of my eyelids, so I finally gave in and looked back up.

But what I saw deeply unsettled me. Her gaze had turned dark, her beaming expression completely erased.

“You don’t want me,” she murmured, her voice and tone lowered to an almost-deathly note. “Trust me.”

I blinked, putting the muffin on the bench behind me as I tried to recover my voice. “Wh-what do you mean?”

“You don’t know what I’m capable of,” she continued. “What I’ve done.”

What was she talking about? The way she spoke, it didn’t seem like she was just talking about relationships...

“Listen,” she said, stepping away from the bench and towards me. I felt as if I should get up and step back, but I didn’t move. “I think it’d be wise if you moved with your brother, okay? Feelings come and go... and they, can’t be trusted.”

And in that moment, as Love gazed down at me, with a look that didn’t belong to any Love I thought I knew, I didn’t love her.

I feared her.

I left with an abrupt farewell, leaving the muffin behind due to a sudden loss of appetite. The moment I got home, I began packing my things to move with my brother.

As months passed, I’ll admit, I couldn’t help but keep tabs on Love. While the things she’d said to me had frightened me in a way I couldn’t understand, curiosity got the best of me; maybe I could uncover whatever secret she held that separated her from the Love I thought I’d loved. I watched as she married Will, had a child with him, moved to Madre Linda to have more privacy (not enough to evade my stalking).

All through that time, I tried to bring up what had happened with my brother. He called me paranoid, told me I was overthinking or reading into her words, but I never backed down. The Love I’d seen that morning was someone to be wary of. I wanted to prove it to him so badly.

Until she died.

The story managed to make it to a news channel in LA, so it required no stalking on my part. After sending out a suicide note, Love had burned down her home, with her and Joe inside. No one yet knew what had become of their son, Henry, but they’d found remains of the two of them in the aftermath of the fire.

“Fucking hell,” my brother murmured, resting his head in one hand as he watched the article play out. “When you told me she was crazy...” He waved his other hand at the TV. “I’d never expected this.”

I bit my lip and asked him to change the channel. I stared at the TV, trying to keep my attention on the mindless sitcom he’d switched it to. It bugged me, that after I’d been honest and open for the first time in all my life, I’d been given dishonesty and mystery in return. But, of course, there was nothing I could do now. There was no way I could find out what she’d meant that day, or what she’d done that made her someone to be afraid of.

Maybe it was best to let sleeping dogs lie, and forget all about Love Quinn.

#love quinn #you #you netflix #victoria pedretti #joe and love #love quinn fanfic #you fanfic

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frontlinebicepsoftheninth · 1 year

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there are several representations of academics in the locked tomb and i think tamsyn hits the nail pretty much on the head. we have the assholes from outside the house system and the icons inside of it so let's break this down

the earth-originating academics include:

- a narcissist liar STEM bro who is so convinced his way is the right way that he blows up the world about it

- a self-centered overly dramatic man who loves the formal events and social clout and feeds his ego by being a mentor

- a woman who has perfectly mastered her craft, is the best person in the universe at doing it, and is losing her mind on a daily basis having to put up with both of them

then in the houses we have:

- the caring epitome of a nerd who is always correct without being a jerk about it

- the incredibly disciplined strong and silent type who is also super fit and somehow just has her entire life together

- the sweet middle aged woman who could be your mom and then you sit down and talk with her and realize she's a literal genius

- the no sleep no caffeine nose to the grindstone obsessive night owl who works too hard and passes out in the lab

- the charismatic intelligent encouraging gorgeous milf annoyed by red tape (juno zeta i'm free on thursday <3)

anyways i just think it's funny how out of everything john got wrong when he remade the universe the houses managed to (generally) do academia better

#this post is not very sympathetic to john i have more complex feelings about him but listen. he is a stem bro at heart #this is what men in science are like #nona the ninth spoilers #nona spoilers #ntn spoilers #the locked tomb #tlt #the locked tomb spoilers #tlt spoilers #nona the ninth #ntn #htn spoilers #htn #harrow the ninth spoilers #harrow the ninth

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beyonceisstraight · 8 months

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I have been dealing for months with a weird estrangement from my mother stemming from her choosing to abandon me in one country and go back to our home country. And this week she messages me on a new number, bc I blocked the old one, and said "I know you don't want to hear or want me in your life at present so pardon me but I just want to know. How are you keeping is all good with you?"

I've been playing this game for nearly 30 years with her. If you have a parent you suspect is a narcissist you know what this is. For me, I know she's more stupid than she actually knows and will always tell on herself.

She centers herself in her statement.

Does not express any actual feelings towards me that involve accountability or even regret. If she feels that she'd never admit that.

Its been 6+ months of silence from your youngest child that you left alone in a country and now you want to know how I am? you want something from me.

Alleges that she knows that I don't want to hear from her and pushes against that boundary because she wants something. Her type never does anything unless she wants something.

So I blocked her.

I suspect she would have eventually asked me for money.

But like good lord woman. You're such a looser at this point. You've left your youngest child behind, gone to your father's house, the father you hate, your mother died 3 years ago and you're not over it, you don't actually have that much money, your oldest child takes after you in being a looser bc she's got a kid no job and a bad marriage.

I felt ripped apart these last few months and I'm finally coming together and becoming my new self. I just wanted to post and talk about it to like, let folks in similar situations with narc parents know its not just them going thru it. And also if you've been suspecting they're emotionally abusive or just generally abusive and not sure; they're abusive.

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ifiwasurgf · 11 months

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SUCCESSION ENDING : MAJOR SPOILERS

below, i write about change, and succession as a war story 🎯

say what you want about succession's relationship with the theme of change, but that is something that each sibling does undergo, simply because they're human, and nothing else. it is fundamental to life itself. coming from the small and particular world of the 0.001%, this is ultimately a show about humanity. naturally, they can’t escape their limitations as human beings, due either to the cyclical nature of abuse, their lack of self control and emotional regulation, or to the fact that even the most evolved of human beings have their limitations and end up repeating mistakes too. it's why we all love stories about (albeit) interesting inevitabilities. that's what succession is. that's what war is. compromise is change, and their lives are changed forever after that board meeting. they are forced into compromising, their lives forced into a state of surrender. they've been in survival mode, in action, for so long, that just the act of surrender is already a stark change. they all act accordingly.

shiv’s vote comes from a place of narcissism on her part. it triggers a cascade of following narcissistic and violent reactions from the two brothers which leads to the reveal that no one in that room is evolved and balanced enough - now in the viewer’s eyes (all hail the beautiful manipulation of television) - to run that haunted house of a company. a company destined to be taken over by tech because that is its own forced compromise in the world. all of it comes down to change. shiv’s vote is her sitting at that table and finding it impossible to bear the reality that it is not her at the top. she is the only one out of the three possessing the same vindictive maliciousness as logan, and we see that monster peer its head in that moment. she does it at first out of spite, as other characters in succession would normally do, but it’s only after kendall goes nut-nut (his famous words) that we start to see how originally tactless provocation is possibly for the best. she doesn’t “free” anyone. she’s just a person picking choices from a hat: a very limited, flawed hat with few options. she backs herself into a corner; she is now the wife of the ceo of waystar. she’s already transformed! at the start of the show, she’s an unmarried career woman with a submissive boyfriend. she is unrecognizable to us now, because she’s lost herself in this whole process. it was something she never even expected, which is why her life seemed to make some sense at the start of the show. i do find her story to be the most tragic of the three because of how unexpected and impulsive it all is. but motherhood will change her. there will be a lot of bad and, symbolically speaking, it’s a tragedy, but she will make some form of peace in that reality. all of her conflict stemmed from the false promise of ceo, it stemmed from her father. now that it’s gone, and he's gone, she doesn’t have anything to rub against anymore. she can only face her husband, her child, and her career. she won't admit the loss (that's the sad part) but she knows it deep within. and she will pick it up, and move along.

roman’s ending is the most hopeful. yes, he’s a self-hating, self-destructive time bomb in many ways, but he’s also the jester, known for his charisma, and capable of even sweetness. he's a sour candy; a boy, not a man. unfit to work and face reality. he’s been forced to change himself according to what people needed him to be his whole life. it explains the constant failure, because he isn’t a chameleon. constantly failing to properly listen to one's own intuition and desires is going to lead to an extremely messy life, which we see through his endless provocation and crossing of boundaries (social, political, sexual, etc.) that being said, this - losing the company - is once again, another compromise in his life and, by the grace of god, it isn’t a failure on his part this time around. everyone latches onto his words about everything being bullshit, and in that exact moment, he is absolutely right. but, ever notice how roman’s observations are almost always strictly tied to time, place, and situation? they are so rarely telling of the world at large. they aren’t meant to. they're meant to reveal the facade of that particular moment; what the audience has been thinking for those 5 minutes until roman opens his mouth, and then we can all sigh in relief. he's put our anxieties into words. his brazenness to do so does not make him a prophet. his words are to the audience more-so than the opposing character, because naturally, they won’t listen to him. it’s succession’s version of an aside in theatre (to me). if you put yourself inside his slimy head for a moment, in the end, roman is relieved. he drinks gerri’s martini, and he lets that bring him some comfort as he comes to notice how he isn’t the only sibling capable of catastrophic, world-ending failure. he laughs to himself, in a sense, “well, at least it wasn’t me.” that is not freedom. in fact, it’s quite petty. the remedy for a bruised ego. i also think that explains the ambiguous and slightly threatening nature of his smirk. it isn’t the manic smirk kendall has when he feels himself emulating his father, but the smirk of a man (not a boy) who wasn't the sacrificial lamb today, he was not the beaten puppy here. roman is no longer bearing the weight of everyone’s shame, and he finds genuine comfort in everyone being equally "bullshit", so as not to feel so alone. he has his own shame, more than enough of it. his problems will remain unresolved until that shame is dealt with - that is his life's burden - but in this moment, he languishes in the relief of not bearing expectation any longer. it could be argued that he ends up where he started. except, that isn't possible. what happened, happened. he drinks martinis now, he has grown. it may not look that way, which is why the smirk feels like an inside joke between him and the drink. he never even wanted the company, in part because he was never allowed to want anything, but it's all about the small freedoms, the inching forward, and accepting the grief. that's what rome's arc has been this season: a spiral and a landing, landing bruised but not dead. i can drink to that.

now, kendall, the modern day michael corleone, an apt parallel. the abuser and the abused. the sheer desperation he exudes is nothing short of terrifying. before that desperation is triggered by shiv's vote, he is seen - now burned forever into my brain as one of the most disturbing scenes in the whole show - cradling roman, squeezing him, letting him bleed, making him bleed. allowing for that dynamic to exist (the stronger dog, the weaker dog) makes way for that poison he so dreads. he is a walking nightmare in so many ways. he is what he fears, he fears what he is, he wants what he fears, he fears what he wants. all of it. he is definitely the most professionally competent, which is deeply ironic, because he is the most dissolved and watered-down of them all. while roman is someone who doesn't believe in truth and yet is capable of telling it like it is and being true in moments he doesn't even realize could be seen as honest and raw, kendall is the opposite. he believes that things are true, yet all of his beliefs are false. they are doctored, surgically altered, selective. that's why they're referred to as narratives. for an author of his own reality, his own in-shop puppetmaster, kendall loses track of his story more often than not, as he claims to not have killed the waiter (a chilling moment), showing how his deeply fractured state and the grip on his immovable desire for power come head to head. he cannot be the ceo, because that would make his narrative real, and it never was. it was always the promised kingdom, passed down to him at age 7, like a fairytale. another falsehood. so, he sits in the frame that he meticulously constructed. everything he can control points to a metamorphosis into his father: the park, the bodyguard, the attitude, the business. but alas, the world tells a different story. the ocean ebbs and flows before him, ever-changing. he has to now grapple with that truth, now that he has no control over this fairytale-turned-nightmare that has dissolved before his very eyes. the world is saying "no, find something else. keep going. you are not dead." new horizons, kenny. of course, he doesn't see it that way. i don't know if he falls into a depressive abyss, or becomes a more present father (god forbid), but there is definitely a shift. a forced change: compromise.

succession is ultimately a war story. they have been at war for 4 years, although sometimes it’s felt like their whole lives. now, they're out the other end. they're losers, who've betrayed and scarred each other time and time again, but their opponent is also dead. the occasional ceasefire has made enough room for innocence, play, and some fresh air, but it was always peripheral to the business. now, there is no more fighting. make do of what’s left of the ruins. pick it up, trudge forward. with shiv in purgatory, she is doomed to start over from the old, used-up parts she so despises. she's stuck, and must therefore bend. with roman in a heaven of blissful irony, his compromise is of no longer being a dog but a person with nothing but failure under his belt, as well as a healthy dose of charm, and to make that leap of accepting his humanity. with kendall in a hell of facing truths and false promises, he is forced to deal with plan b, as well as perhaps his real self - things that have never existed. each of these realities point to change. within the core of each person, of course they are all deeply wounded and will remain so; the wounds remain, we all know that. but life changes, its circumstances shifting like the waves of that very ocean kendall watches in despair. they are now forced to face a loss: the loss of their father, and of their war. out of that loss? the terrifying freedom of wanting something of their own.

#succession #spoiler #hbo #shiv roy #roman roy #kendall roy #mine #logan roy #waystar #succession spoilers #succession hbo

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rostii · 2 years

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Love bombing, gaslighting, and the problem with pathologising dating talk

[ID: Using this kind of language can also lead to ‘moral typecasting’: the idea that the world is split between moral agents (people who do either good or bad) and moral patients (people who have good or bad things done to them). What’s interesting is that studies show that we think of people as either one thing or the other, and very rarely a combination of the two. When people talk about those who have hurt them as if they are monster (”narcissistic energy vampires”, for instance), this kind of moral typecasting comes into play; in effect, it becomes a way of absolving oneself of any agency.

But if you think of yourself as a moral patient and anyone who hurts you as a moral agent, it means that anything you do to them becomes fair game, because you are constitutionally incapable of inflicting harm, and they are constitutionally incapable of experiencing it. I once read an account written by a woman who was essentially stalking her ex, while framing his refusal to see her as “a classic narcissistic trick”. Instigating a global vilification campaign becomes a legitimate response to someone sending you a playlist they made for someone else- because you are someone who bad things are done to, they are someone who does bad things, and these categories can’t change. I think that a lot of interpersonal cruelty stems from this inability to see oneself as anything other than the injured party. Abusive people are famously self-victimising (abusive husbands, according to Kristin Dombek’s book The Selfishness of Others), tend to interpret their wives as being more critical and rejecting than they actually are.) /end ID]

#articles

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normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke · 1 year

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I wish I could have been a cool woman in STEM who went into like engineering or programming or something but unfortunately I am unable to be normal about brains and had no choice but to study them

[image ID: a banner that says "neurotypical/mentally well psych studiers dni" on the first line and "also fuck you if you believe in narcissistic abuse" on the second line].

#it's a motherfucking wet meat computer!!!#how am I supposed to be normal about that #psychology

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silverplatters · 2 years

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@c23tasks 004. maxine talks about her family. content and trigger warnings: death, body image issues, eating disorders, narcissism.

WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD LIKE? WHO RAISED YOU?

"not unlike most childhoods, except for the luxurious lifestyle. there were good moments, bad moments, and moments that mustn't have been important because they'd been forgotten. i distinctly remember the scent of honeydew melon wafting around the house. that was my mother's favorite reed scent. i wouldn't say i particularly had a fun childhood overall, but it wasn't miserable relative to my social circle's childhoods. i'd use the words fine and expected."

"from the ages of one to five, my parents were a clean 50/50 in raising me. i remember this because i was six when they hired a new maid—petra—to take care of me, specifically as i was growing older and attending school. that was when the house started to get a little busy. we all had our own routines. i remember spending most of my childhood with petra, since my father worked all day and came home in the evenings, and my mother… to be honest, i never really knew what my mother did during the day. she didn't have a job. all i remember is how we would spend weekends together, up until i was fifteen, teaching me how to smile and brush my hair with a denman brush in front of the mirror for hours on end."

"since i was a child, my father always asked me how my day went during dinnertime. he always liked to steer conversations into academics. and choosing friends wisely. and work, of course. he'd mostly talk about work, wherever we were. at home, vacationing in south korea, spending our sundays at the country club. he'd play pool or poker if he wasn't talking about work. those were his only hobbies, and to be honest, he wasn't very good at either of those things. sometimes, you only get to be good at one thing in life. but i don't think he cared. i think he just enjoyed the essence of it."

"petra was the person i saw and interacted with the most during my childhood. she'd be the one to wake me up, dress me, make breakfast for me, and send me off to school. we'd watch television together in the afternoons, and she'd help me with my homework. she was the loveliest woman i'd ever met. she had children of her own, too—two boys who lived back in their hometown. when i was ten, she taught me how to make a slingshot, and i broke one of our celadon vases. my mother didn't let that go for two years."

ANY SIBLINGS? DO YOU STILL TALK?

"none that i know of."

WHO DO YOU CONSIDER FAMILY?

"none to speak of."

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU LOOK LIKE MORE?

"my mother. i have everything she has, except for my father's nose. her hair, lips, eyes, body—it's all from her. i think that's why she was incredibly… protective of how i looked. she never hid the disappointment and irritation on her face when i so much as had a single strand of stray hair across my forehead. or how she'd pinch my skin as a sign that i was getting fuller, by her standards."

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE MORE LIKE?

"my father. though, to be clear, it isn't anything to be proud of. i don't think i'm a raging narcissist. i've got that, at least."

DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN?

"absolutely not."

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE FAMILY MEMBER?

"when i was younger, definitely my father. relative to my mother, he made a genuine effort to bond with me. or, at least, that's how i thought it was back then. he humored my nonsensical questions as a child and my more genuine curiosities as a teenager. he had the answers to everything, and i appreciated that."

"i never got the sense that my mother ever liked me as a person. even as a child. though, to her credit, my feelings of being born to be corrected didn't just stem from her. i felt that from my father, too, but in a completely different way. my mother always viewed me as something that needed to be strapped to a table and tinkered to perfection, while my father took on the role of a … whose every word was law. he influenced a lot of my worldviews and how i think. he's the reason why my english name is maxine. he chose that for me."

WHAT ABOUT YOUR LEAST FAVORITE?

"between the spineless man who lied to his family about being a mutant and was complicit in a flurry of human rights violations for decades—which, in turn, endangered his daughter and left her to fix the calamitous mess he left behind, and the narcissist who very clearly didn't want a child and, at several times, openly displayed her disdain through her endless criticisms of my arms, my belly, my legs…"

"…at least my mother hated me to my face. i appreciate the honesty."

DOES YOUR FAMILY HAVE ANY SECRETS?

"my family is built from all the truths we'd covered and forgotten."

"my father lived half a life until the day he died for reasons i can't quite accept. i can't accept the fear he felt, even if i have that same fear. i'm carrying it for him now, too. i can't accept his greed, even if i'm just as fearful of losing everything i have, as meaningless as they are. it's all very grecian, really. "

"my mother wanted to be an artist in a family of doctors who clawed their way out of poverty through intellect and hard work. i only know this because the last time i visited her hometown, her old paintings were thrown out of their house because they were soaked and mottled. it must have been maddening to have never had a voice your entire life."

"i can see why they were a perfect match. she was waiting to blossom, and he had a knack for blooming. and along the way… it all went wrong."

"when my father died, so did my mother. anyone can tell there's nothing behind her eyes anymore. she lives alone in our old house. doing nothing. speaking to no one. i tried—heaven knows i tried. it was the only time i've ever begged for my mother. i felt alone during that time. i felt, ironically, powerless."

"she loved him more than anyone or anything else in the world, and that will never change. even after i'd told her how my father lied to us both. after i'd told her i was just like him. because maybe that would've swayed her. she told me not to ruin what was left in her mind about her husband."

"the secret that encompasses all of this, i think, is that i don't have a family anymore."

#c23task #weavings﹒all the wolves lick your cuts clad in prada #death tw #body image tw #eating disorder tw #narcissism tw

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maelstrom-muse · 2 years

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five tropes || polarity

Crowd Pleaser

“A character whose motivation is public approval and praise - he lives solely to bask in the adulation of the cheering spectators, to hear the roaring applause rise up as he performs. More often than not a (former) prizefighter or another competition sport persona, or a musician.”

100% her. she’s been in front of cameras and on the stage since a child, so it makes sense that she grew up to continue to live off of and need the public praise. of course - the money that comes with being famous is important - but there’s something about hearing a crowd chant your name that is incomparable.

Magnetic Hero

“Occasionally, you get a hero with such personal magnetism that he is capable of persuading others, usually the Badass Bystander, to join him in his quest. Of course, the new companion has no qualms about killing for, or even dying for, the hero, despite having known him only briefly and facing many people who want him dead.”

this is a little too on the nose, but all the ‘magnetic personality’ and ‘attractive’ jokes stem from a place of truth. polarity is charismatic - something she’s honed over the years of learning what people like to see/hear from her. will everybody do everything she says? of course not - but most will at least consider it.

Who Needs Enemies?

“With friends like these... The hero is working to stop the Evil Plan of the Evil Overlord, and has, at long last, found an ally. No, wait... perhaps ally is too strong a word. This person is fighting the Big Bad, just like the hero, but is doing so on their own terms with their own agenda. This agenda doesn't run contrary to the hero's, but at the same time, the other person's agenda doesn't fall seamlessly in line with the hero's goals, either.”

this is moreso for polarity when she’s on the seven. finally at the top in her eyes, she realized that her hard work isn’t over. it’s just as much as a tumultous bloodbath as it was getting here. she’s outwardly amicable to her teammates, but she is always looking for anything that can solidify her spot here - or even move her even further up.

Shameless Self-Promoter

“The Shameless Self Promoter is the kind of narcissistic personality that is always out to promote its own credentials and knowledge. They will stick their accomplishments on anything and everything and don't hesitate at claiming responsibility for all good things.”

she has to keep her social media accounts with high engagement, so of course she self-promotes. and uses others for those sweet, sweet likes - only if they’re trending, of course. this was especially true pre-seven, but still continues even on the team (because, again, just because you’re at the “top” doesn’t mean you’re invincible, and a good, loyal following is insurance).

Commitment Issues

“A character with commitment issues does not want to settle down with a Love Interest. They may think that being married is inherently boring and unadventurous, or they believe they're still not old enough to be serious yet, or they have issues stemming from observing the dysfunctional relationship their parents had, or being a swinger is just too much fun, or maybe they're Really 700 Years Old and are afraid that by committing they'll outlive the person they love.”

polarity has never been interested in going steady with anybody. one, tying herself up to one person could risk her losing her audience - who likely follow her because of her appeal as a single, but charismatic woman. two, there’s time for a romantic relationship when you’re working your ass off to get as much screen time as possible (and there’s barely enough room at the top as it is). three, one night stands are more than enough to scratch that itch. she’s been approached with PR relationships - but she thinks those will do more harm than good.

(yoinked from @rooftop-blues)

#this was too fun #p: hc

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missiemoosie · 3 months

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may i ask why you do more creative stuff at night rather than during the day?

Hello there, anon~!

The answer is because there are less interruptions after dinner. This stems back to before my mom died, back when I was her caregiver. During the day, she was constantly needing help with things, and it seemed like every time I picked up a pencil, she needed something.

(no, this was not her being malicious. Not only could she not see into my room to know i was trying to draw, but she was a woman with two terminal illnesses. She needed a lot of help. I say all this because i know there are some folks out there who would try to say my mom was being a malicious narcissist or something by trying to monopolize my time and energy).

Eventually, I learned to just wait until she went to bed to do anything artistic. And the habit's stuck, for the most part. I do do some artistic stuff during the day now, but nighttime is best time~

#ask a moose #thank you for asking~!

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tashabilities · 4 months

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Ryan Perez goes by Digital Stem Cell

He's a Black autistic man and maybe it's my internalized ableism that makes him be on my nerves so damn bad

But I saw TWO of his videos on my For You page on TikTok and he was singing my life with both of them

Talking about neurotypical people wanting to use autistic people and how they ain't shit

And about narcissistic families which a lot of us come from.

He also had a video about dropping out of the dating scene, not taking selfies, everybody sucks, I'm good being single,

And I FELT that shit.

I think I felt it before he said it, because I'd fallen off from taking selfies and when everybody was doing their 2023 recaps,

I was saying that I don't take enough pics of myself.

Could I have stopped taking photos of myself because I stopped caring about being attractive for other people?

I've definitely unmasked my autism, like, fuck it, that Something Different About Me is visible even when I mask,

Nobody takes me seriously or sees me as a viable partner, so fuck it, lemme unmask and just BE openly autistic.

Because I'm isolated, it still doesn't affect anyone else's life,

But fine, I'll BE that woman standing in one spot in Kroger, snapping her fingers til she remembers what the fuck she came over to this part of the store to get.

Doesn't hurt anybody, helps me remember, so who cares if it looks a li'l strange?

We're unmasked autistic over here.

Anyway, there's something about him that gets on my nerves but I re-followed him just now off the strength of those three videos.

Autistic Black men still want white women and they report feeling the same rejection and alienation from Black women that I have felt my whole life from Black men,

So I don't follow them so as not to roll my eyes once they reveal their white woman,

But I can follow Ryan and have autistic community in his comment section.

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ifollowtotheedge · 4 months

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I am a chronically guilty person. I believe my mom has NPD but I can't be sure, I am not a psychiatrist. I also believe I have ADHD but I was told that I can't have ADHD and be depressed. So who the hell knows.

The thing is I feel guilty that my mom has asked me to drive to Philadelphia and I told her no. She has chronic pain. Chronic back pain and pelvic pain. She is in a crisis with her back. She is looking for an answer to fix her pain. She goes to Philadelphia to pay out of pocket to get stem cell injections that cost thousands of dollars. She needs someone to drive her. I already drove her once, not to mention the countless of other trips I have taken with her to doctors across the country.

The thing is, I have chronic pain. I have chronic depression. I have an appointment next Tuesday I had to reschedule when she wanted me to travel with her last minute to Philadelphia last month. I also am starting a new job and begin training that day.

I told her no today. And I can tell she got mad. I have lived with her and had a relationship with her long enough to know. She got short and quiet with me on the phone.

This makes me question myself. Am I being selfish? She does this a lot she asks me for help and will get mad if I tell her no. Shouldn't I drop everything for my mom? She is the woman who raised me after all.

I have no sense of right or wrong because of her. If I act with any self interest at all I feel incredibly guilty. I just don't know if my actions are justifiable or not. I feel at times that I am a narcissist . That is what she will tell me. How could I not drop anything for my mother??

#emotional abuse

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cypherpink · 4 months

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Speaking My Truth

Trigger Warning: This post contains discussions of physical and emotional abuse, sa, stalking, violence, transphobia and harassment. Please proceed with caution if these topics may be distressing for you. Hello everyone,

I'm Cypher, a trans woman currently facing challenges that force me to maintain anonymity. I work in STEM and pursue art in my free time. I’m starting this blog to share my story as a survivor of narcissistic abuse and reclaim a sense of community that was taken from me.

To cut to the chase, I'm currently facing physical danger as my abuser relentlessly stalks me, using fake numbers and online platforms to threaten and harass. I've become the target of a local abuse callout page, where false accusations have painted me as an animal abuser, a pedophile, a rapist, a wife beater, and, most damningly, a narcissist.

The fallout extends beyond the digital realm. My social media accounts are under constant attack, my work is targeted, and even my personal relationships are infiltrated. The harassment has escalated to death threats, leaving me in a state of isolation and fear.

This blog is my attempt to break the silence, to reclaim a sense of community that was stolen from me. As I share my story, I'm also debunking the false claims against me. I want to emphasize that justice, equity, and accountability matter to me, and these accusations are unequivocally false.

It's been a journey of self-discovery, realizing the abuse I endured, and the subsequent rejection from the very communities I turned to for support. Queer spaces, touted as safe, revealed their true colors when push came to shove, leaving me feeling unlovable, untouchable, and fundamentally a persona non grata.

I'm not writing this as a political statement. We should believe women, and I know false accusations are not common. My struggle arises from a twisted narrative where my abuser accuses me of the very behavior she exhibits. It's a bizarre mirror world where outrage and sound bites define reality, leaving me questioning my sanity.

As a trans woman with a stable family background, I lacked the vocabulary to recognize the abuse I was enduring. Even physical violence was normalized in my mind. I grappled with shame, embarrassment, and the fear of not being believed. I still doubt myself, whether I was “abused enough” for it to really “count”. I still have a hard time coming to terms with the fact I was victimized - that I am a victim. Saying “survivor” seems so…cheap to me, maybe because I don’t really feel like I survived, maybe because as long as the harassment is still going on I haven’t escaped and survived yet.

This blog is my attempt to share my story, find healing through belief, and perhaps create a platform for my art. I aim to connect with others who may have experienced similar situations, seeking support and understanding. Please feel free to reach out and share resources or similar stories if this blog resonates with you. Stay tuned for more details, including a timeline of events, thoughts on transmisogyny and the disposability of trans femmes in activist circles, and reflections on the misuse and weaponization of terms like "narcissist."

Thanks for reading this far. I hope to share more soon.

-Cypher

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