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#my two main possibilities of why i have head pain everyday all the time are
threadmonster · 2 years
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Antidepressants are used to treat headaches and migraines because low serotonin contributes to both headaches and depression.
Anyway I found out ginger can work with serotonin levels in a similar way that some triptan class medicine does. Which means it may help relieve a headache or migraine. It has been proven in study. But there are also not a lot of studies. It also naturally helps with nausea so at the very least there's that.
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Edward Deegan post game headcanons
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My magnum opus, hehe.
Ed is two years younger than Sole, they are joking a lot about this.
He was 26 when the bombs fell (not 40+). 
I really love @chibikinesis version of Ed's prewar appearance, please check her jackward hashtag.
Long dark wavy hair, thin lips, roman nose, pale blue eyes and pale skin, maybe with freckles. Always smirking with a cigarette in the corner of mouth. He was such a sweet boy.
206 cm (6 '9"?) tall, wide and heavy built. This type of mature man who does a lot of heavy work. Makes a really dreadful impression on those, who don't know him closely.
He is very stable and calm in everyday life. Phlegmatic and moderately optimistic temper is the main reason why ghouls do not go feral for a long time. Ed is a good listener and loyal friend. Confident, but modest. 
But in combat he is absolutely coldblooded and knows no mercy. But, instead of Gage, Ed does not enjoy violence.
Despite his appearance and combat and survival skills, he really enjoys peaceful everyday life, he is not an adventurer. He was very happy with the offer to join Sole and boys at the lakeside farm.
Ed likes children. They make good friends with Duncan, spending a lot of time together fishing, cooking, reading and collecting plants and berries in the woods (as they have similar calm and silent nature).
In general he is the elder brother/grandfather type. He is protective to Sole, he is feeling sorry for her and tries to comfort her and make her life easier. Just because he can. 
So it was the typical situation when you fall in love with someone just because he is very kind to you, the first kind person you have met for a long time.
Ed has drinking issues, but the work is always first. He can be sober for a long time if he is busy with something important or dangerous, but in between he is drinking every day. Not that much, just to be a little bit more relaxed and make the world nicer. Sole is drinking harder, then Ed, but he never stops her, understanding her reasons.
After losing the Cabots Ed drank heavily for three months, Daisy even had to take his three cats to her house.
So, Ed is quite good at distilling. Moonshines that resemble whiskey and gin are his favorites.
Gage is afraid of ghouls and their relationship is complicated and controversial. Gage is suspicious and jealous, but can't find any proof of his feelings. So he is trying to be as friendly as possible, because he knows how important to Sole this is (but he's not doing very well).
Ed is very patient with Gage, like with a spoiled child.
Ed has chronic knee pain because of his height, but this is one of his favorite themes to laugh at.
(-No, Porter, I can not pick all those acorns. Let Duncun do this. I can carry them. How much? All of them. Eeeeh, maybe, 40 kilos or so. What do you mean that’s not enough? 0_o).
Wears that awful dog hair knee pads ("Not such a high price for immortality, hehe").
Smokes more than Sole, Mac and Gage all together . 
Skin feels like a sphynx cat, peach and a very old used suede couch. Nice and soft, absolutely hairless.
He cares a lot about his body, that's why he has no rotten and bleeding wounds, like a lot of other ghouls. Only  a lot of scars, but who cares about scars?
Sometimes at the darkest of times his wounds start to inflame, it is something similar to psoriasis, and will heal in a couple of weeks.
Has vitiligo on hands, like a lot of old people do.
His hands are very large, with long knotted fingers, very veiny, with thin wrists and wide forearms. Ed bites his nails. Sole loves to watch him doing any fine work, smoking or just sitting with his head resting on his hand.
Smells with homemade skin balm, prepared from plants. This is an old habit left from the times when he recovered from ghoulification. Smells similar to spiced tea and wet bitter piny forest soil. You know, that grandmother smell, but more intelligent and sexy, hehe. Ed is the last good smelling man on earth, Sole said.
He appreciates Sole's textile working skills a lot. Asked her to do funny cat embroideries on his working shirts.
He likes good clothes and has some at Cabots house. Good tailored shirts, high waisted trousers and matched leather boots, belts and holsters (looks like Brendan Fraser in the Mummy), hand knitted textured socks and fine weaved scarves. Things that resemble old life, absolutely luxurious.
He asked Sole to find a nice dress at the beginning of their relationship, and brought her to a couple of  old-fashioned dates with drinks, dancing and flirting in the darkest corner of the Third Rail.
Hancock always goes green with envy and anger, when sees them together at Goodneighbor. Sole is cold with him.
Knows a lot, but forgot a lot too. In his Cabot bedroom has tons of notebooks, written with instructions, recipes and other notes. Has childish square-ish handwriting that is very easy to read.
Wears reading glasses for working with small things, attached with rubber strap to hold the glasses better on what remains of his ears.
Anyway, wears silver earrings on occasion.  As well as other plain silver jewelry (but not his wedding ring).
Got married a couple of years after the bombs fell and raised his wife's son. Had no grandchildren and never had another family, only Cabots.
People think that Daisy and Ed are ex lovers, but they are just really close friends. Daisy always loved girls. She was twice older than Ed prewar and still keeps acting like his auntie. Daisy is the only one, who knows Ed (and people in general) so well, that she guessed about him and Sole by the look in his eyes. But she is silent as a grave, good friends can keep secrets.
Hates when women fetishize him. So Sole do this silently))
.
.
.
!!! SOFT NSFW PART
.
.
.
Well known fact that ghouls are sterile and not interested in sexual activities. This was absolutely shocking to Sole, when she first tried to kiss Ed.
He chuckled and told her that both of his hands are still at their place. The problem was solved.
So Ed is very tender and skilled.
But he is not very serious. Always smirking, doing this face ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  and "no problem, I don't mind, come here".  He is also absolutely not jealous. He admits he was late, too shy to kiss Sole in the asylum. And then she met Mac. 
It doesn't mean he doesn't care. He just learned to reconcile and accept.
Mac is convincing Gage that there is no need to be jealous, who would be jealous to ghouls?
Once on a hot summer night Mac saw undressed Ed in the light of oil lantern, 
while he was preparing to step into the waters of the lake. And Mac definitely did not like what he saw, brrrr.
Gage thinks that the wrong look is already a betrayal. But he cheated on Sole, how can he condemn her? Deep inside he understands that each of the three has strengths and Sole needs all of them. And they also need her in their own way.
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undertheknightwing · 1 year
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Going feral because i somehow only just realized that in the scene where Jon-El's family sees he has powers, it's pretty heavily that implied that he had had powers for a while but had been hiding it.
No idea how I didn't notice on my first time watching that scene, but the reserved way he stares up at the man about to fall like he was trying to decide what to do, the defeated/nervous way he looked around after he had done it, the way he was so in control of his powers!!! Driving me absolitsly crazy that I didn't pick up on any of that before.
Anyway, all of that say: we saw how badly Jordan adapted to getting powers, especially super-hearing which Jon-El was shown to have. Thinking about how difficult it must have been, getting a grip on his powers and hiding it from his parents. I dunno how he could possibly have hid the development of super-hearing from his parents. Maybe he just got lucky, and he and/or Jordan were away from home on some sort of week-long publicity stunt. when his powers developed.
I really like the idea of Other Jordan helping him through it. Ik the show didnt get into his and Jordan's relationship more than Jon-El thinking Jordan was just the "weak" powerless one, but if it were up to me, I think that world's Jon and Jordan should have a bond. Whether or not Jon-El was willing to admit it, Jordan was probably the only one around when things got bad at home. Jordan was the only other person around who knew what it was like to be victimized by their parents. In my head the other world's Jon and Jordan were really close when they were younger but ended up growing apart as they aged, especially after Jon got his powers and Clark low-key brainwashed Jon-El into thinking of Jordan as inferior. But even after all that, I think that bond would mean something to Jon-El, even if it had eventually become more of a trauma bond between two lonely kids struggling to survive abuse and neglect.
Excuse my rambles <3
OUCH THE ANGST
But this is why Jon-El is one of the best characters in the entire series, there is so much unsaid and unexplored about his character and the show just threw him away 🙄
The scene where he saved the man falling HURT you can tell by the look on his face as he's descending that he knows that's it, his previous life is gone, now he's going to be forced into spotlight and fame he didn't want just because he has powers.
Now that you mentioned the having to hide his powers thing, I can't imagine how awful and hard that would've been, look how painful it was for Jordan. But the fact he tried to hide them in the first place says A LOT about how his relationship with his parents, but mainly with his dad, was.
He knew his parents didn't see or hear him or his feelings just as Jonathan and knew it would be even worse if they knew he had powers since powers are seen as the most important thing. And he was right. (*cough* in the main world too *cough*)
Kal didn't even let him choose his own superhero name, just said his name is Jon-El and Jon had to accept it, no questions asked.
The family image is the most important thing to Kal, how his choices are destroying his son was the last thing he cared about until it was too late and saw how deep Ally sunk her hooks into him.
It wouldn’t surprise me if Kal tried to get Jon-El to believe he was better than Jor-El and Kal purposely neglected Jor-El just because he had no powers (it's a universal thing for Clark to neglect the powerless son I guess), but I like your idea of Jor-El being the one around to be with Jon-El after things got bad because he knows his brother doesn't really think those things and knows how badly he's hurting. He's probably seen Kal get upset and scream at Jon-El for not wanting to be shoved in front of a camera everyday and force Jon-El to go anyway even though he's begging to stay at home.
Jon-El looked so dead inside during the "fame" montage scenes and like he was faking his enjoyment of the spotlight constantly shining om him.
Anyway before I go full headcanon/fic mode because I will if I keep going, thank you for the rambling I love it ❤️🖤 welcome to the Jon-El fan club
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blahkugo · 3 years
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Rouge
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Satori Tendō x Reader (Haikyuu!!)
Word Count: 2.5k
TW: Mafia AU, Dark themes, Blood play (an excessive amount of blood mentions in general), Knife play, Asphyxiation, Angst (?), mentions of death (no main characters), Just two psychopaths going at it tbh.
A/N: I’m so excited to be writing for @the-smut-pile’s newest collab, hosted by @present-mel, @pleasantanathema, and @linestrider. Please make sure to check out the rest of the masterlist here!
Every night, the smell of bleach stings your nostrils and prayers left unsaid weigh heavy on your tongue. ‘It comes with the job,’ they had warned you, had urged a ‘pretty little thing like you,’ not to take a position you couldn’t stomach. You didn't listen, of course.
Because death isn’t a stranger in your life, nor an old acquaintance you catch up with once every few years. It’s a friend that phones daily, a lover you scurry into bed with—the chill down your spine when you walk home alone in eerie silence.
As a doctor you saw it everyday, with every patient that prayed for pity when the pain became all too much. Cries of the sick plagued your every waking moment; who were you to deny them release? Their suffering ended the moment you injected the drugs.
But you’ve never seen death like this before.
“Daydreaming again, angel?” Tendō swipes a disinfectant across the cold metal counter, rubbing until pools of pomegranate red match his long, messy hair. Despite the dreariness of the task, an impish smile remains plastered across his face, the glint in his eyes unscathed by the scene you’d both just witnessed.
“It’s still Doctor to you.” Try as you might, your voice comes out shaky, your heart pounding so hard you’re worried it may actually jump out. That feeling never quite leaves you.
He straightens his gloves and out comes his signature laugh—that high, maniacal, chuckle that stops just short of a song. You’d rip out your car radio if it meant getting rid of it.
“You haven’t been one for a long time.”
The truth makes you shudder, but he’s right, of course. Once your license had been stripped away and you were on the run, your career had officially ended. An ‘Angel of Mercy,’ all the news stations had called you, yapping on for days when you were that week’s most wanted woman.
You don’t have the right to be called a medical professional and yet, you stand your ground. If it means getting him to quit with the dreadful pet name, you’ll say just about anything.
“Your boss calls me Doctor.”
“Because my boss can’t remember your name.” He meets your eyes, lips quirking upward at the little huff that escapes you, your furrowed brows spilling bits of frustration you so desperately attempt to keep bottled. The air hangs heavy with the shrieks of anger you wish you could unleash, all the words you don’t dare say aloud in fear of looking weaker than he already believes you are.
Instead of challenging you further, Tendō simply turns away, chucking the wipes in a bin and humming a tune far too cheery for a man who just ended a life.
When night comes, you dream of the older man who begged to see his children one last time and the laugh that sounds like a song.
The next day isn’t any better, because it never is. Ushijima’s moles bring in three more bodies for questioning; bodies, because you’ve been instructed to refer to them as nothing but. And they’re young this time, heavily tattooed kids that can’t be much older than nineteen—children that look so much like the thralls of young men you’ve learned to call friends, you have to avert your eyes when they send panicked glances your way.
You wonder if Tendō ever makes these comparisons.
“I’ll only ask once,” the gruff, even voice echoes within the small space. “Who’s your supplier?” Your boss is cold and calculated. He never wavers, never says more than he needs to. He’s everything you’d thought the leader of a crime organization would be and more.
Tendō hovers next to him, gnarled fingers twitching eagerly at the knife splayed between them. It’s his weapon of choice, because—as he mentioned your first day on the job—he can ‘take his time with them’.
The captives crack immediately, pleading helplessly for their lives as they vow they know nothing. They probably don’t, appearing to be nothing more than lowly thugs in a long hierarchy of vile men. It doesn’t stop what comes next.
As expected, Ushijima remains silent except for the soft sigh that leaves him. Tendō sighs as well, though it seems more pleased—euphoric, even—than bored. He presses a slender finger into the tip of his knife, watches as a bit of blood runs down his lean arm, paints a strip of his tattoos red, and drips onto the metal table.
“Are they ours now?” Ours. The word brings bile to your throat. Ushijima makes his way to the door, bluntly calling over his shoulder,
“Do what you must.”
You push up your glasses, Tendō grins, and the screaming begins.
Blood-stained lab coats are a staple of your wardrobe. No matter how hard you scrub, fingers raw and aching, the faded pinks never seem to give. You quit months ago, resorted to throwing the worst ones away instead of putting yourself through that hell.
This coat’s going straight to the bin.
Through every horrid interrogation, you’ve forced yourself to watch. You’ve never looked away, never dared allow him to smell the fear off of you. You hand him the tools, write the information on the clipboard, assist with cleanup and disposal, and answer any questions he may have—like the good little medical doctor turned mafia member you should be.
And Tendō smiles the whole way through. Even as dagger meets flesh, as pained cries shatter your eardrums, as your vision is clouded with red, red, red—Tendō smiles, humming a tune that you hear long into the next evening.
But today, when the third young man had looked you dead in the eyes and sobbed, begging you to tell his mother he loves her, you couldn’t help yourself.
Of course, the towering redhead didn’t fail to detect the misstep.
“Bad day?” He questions innocently, resting his elbows on the now spotless titanium table. His muscles ripple as he leans, boasting the thousands of dollars worth of art across his arms. It bothers you that you notice it, even more that he probably catches you gawking. He sees everything, after all. Everything but the blood still splattered across his body.
“Won’t be the last, for us at least.” Brows raise, as though the thought hadn’t occurred to him. If at all possible, the wicked grin on his face widens.
“You’re exactly right.” And like clockwork, he laughs. Your hands grow cold, ice corroding your veins. He swipes his tongue over his lip, leaving a slick shine on his lips. When he rises and steps toward you, you stand your ground, though you so desperately long to run. “Why so serious?”
“They didn’t know anything,” you mumble under your breath, “and you tortured them anyways.” In all your months of working with him, this is the first you’ve complained—and you immediately wish you hadn’t.
Tendō moves even closer, as though entertained by your tiny outburst. Perhaps he’s been waiting for this moment, for you to finally break your silence. When he speaks, his tone is gentler than usual, but still holds every hint of mockery and nonchalance the bastard is known for,
“It’s our job, angel face.” Another step, another tiny breath you’re holding in, worried that the slightest of sighs might shatter your perfected image of faux indifference. He tilts his head to the side, peering down at you, like you’re- a child.
And the glass breaks.
“Enough.” You splay your hands in front of you, halting him in his tracks, just as he invades your space. “Enough of the patronizing looks, and the humming, and the stupid pet name that you know bothers me!” An accusatory finger is jabbed into his chest. “Don’t you feel guilt? Fear? Empathy? You murder people.”
Your chest burns, heaving with rage. Tendō’s half-smile still sits on his face, words of ridicule ready to roll off his tongue any second. But when you look into his eyes, there seems to be something more—an emotion you can’t quite place. Anger? Understanding?
His next sentence is whispered with such sobriety, you’re unsure who it is you’re speaking to anymore,
“People like us don’t deserve those feelings.”
“There is no us!” The claim may come out crazy, hysterical even— a woman covered in warm blood shrieking within a cold, sterile room. For once, you don’t care. “I’m not like you.”
Those words may be what set him off, hand wrapping around your chin and tilting it up so that you’re unable to look away. Fingers that incite panic and enact violence, fingers you’ve feared since your first day here, clutching you ever-so casually. “Exactly. You’re not like me.”
He doesn’t wait for your rebuttal, gripping harder at your face. “I’ve made my peace with who I am, but you,” his breath fans your cheeks, “you only pretend you don’t enjoy it.”
Then, Tendō’s kissing you. And to your utter surprise, you’re kissing him back. Heat rises within you, the hairs at your neck curling as your lips meet with a ferocity. His palms graze your lab coat—no doubt staining his skin with the blood it’s drenched in—before he’s peeling it off.
When you tug at his messy locks, the butcher smiles and sinks his teeth into your bottom lip. He pulls you closer, hurriedly stripping you of your remaining clothing, until you’re left in just your panties. Hands roam at your supple skin, kneading at your hips, meshing into you wherever he can. All the while, your lips do the same, bleeding into each other until you’re unsure of where you start and he ends.
“No.” The command is stern, perhaps the most you’ve ever been with him. His eyes narrow in disappointment, limbs rapidly untangling from your body. You shove him backwards until his knees hit the edge of the table, nudge him again so that he falls against it, and grab a clean scalpel off the side counter. “No, we do deserve to feel those things.” His grin returns in full force—and he laughs.
This time, you don’t hate it.
“Deep down,” he grunts as you hitch a leg over his thighs and climb onto him, “you know that I’m right.” The scalpel’s pointed tip grazes his black tee, cutting through the material meticulously. You run a palm up his broad chest before pressing a finger to his mouth, smearing nearly dried blood across his jaw in the process.
“You talk too much,” the hushed murmur tumbling from your lips doesn’t sound like you, is foreign and twisted, and too much like him to bode well for either of you. The muscles in his thighs tense beneath you, his hard chest rumbling in a silent glee.
Your fingers brush against his cheekbones and you gasp, losing all perception of who you are. It’s absurd, but the individual you knew before, the persona you so adamantly believed you could uphold, crumbles with a single, soft touch of his skin.
And it’s unfair, really, that someone so beautiful—covered in art, blessed with hair the color of sweet wine and a laugh that sounds like music—could be so utterly fucked up.
When you nick his cheek, observing the drip of blood that trickles down, you wonder if Tendō ever makes these comparisons. And when you lick at it, preening at the groan that leaves him, you wonder if you’re just as fucked up as he is.
All at once, you’re flipped beneath him, back crashing against the cool metal table. He climbs down and drags his pants off, yanks you towards him with one pull of your thighs, and presses against your core. A shiver runs down your spine at the heat, crazes you for something you didn’t think you needed.
“By the way,” Tendō speaks through kisses and nips at your neck, “you are just as fucked up.” Though you hadn’t realized you’d said that aloud, you’re unable to retaliate, only wrap your legs around his middle and moan at a particularly harsh bite. He soothes every spot of broken skin with his tongue, drifting downwards until his lips meet your cotton panties. “How cute.”
“Well, I wasn’t exactly expecting thi– Ah,” your complaint is cut short when he moves them to the side and licks a long stripe up your slit. And he doesn’t stop, lapping and sucking at your soaked cunt, holding you down with one lean arm when you writhe in response to the pressure. “God, fuck.”
“Satori, but I’ll take God too,” he smirks against your mound. It’s then that he inserts a lithe finger, then two, stretching you out until you’re tugging at his long locks, goosebumps raised as the warmth of his mouth intertwines with the cold beneath your back.
You’re panting, unconcerned with time or it’s passing, only his fingers, his tongue circling your puffy bud, and your steady ascension to the edge. Just as your legs tense, breath caught mid-mewl of his name, he stops. You lean up on your elbows, rut against him, searching for more—friction, movement, anything—but he doesn’t let up.
“Fuck- why?” Your cry is loud, whiny even, but you don’t particularly care when euphoria’s been ripped away from you so suddenly.
“Tell me I’m right,” he teases, eyes peering straight through yours. You whine again, a mix between a pained groan and ‘are you fucking serious?’ before he flicks at your bud once more. “Say it.”
And you do. Because, as strongly as you've denied it, you’re every bit as perverse as he is, every bit as infatuated by the idea of power, of playing God—of holding a life between your fingertips and choosing death.
The second the words are out of your mouth, he thrusts deep into you. Your fingers scramble for purchase, nails dragging against the table, then his back, as skin slaps against skin.
There’s nothing gentle about Satori, all lean, hard muscle and jagged edges, but the pain is just as blissful as the pleasure. His fingertips rub at your clit, other hand moving to wrap around your throat and squeeze tightly.
“Satori, I- I need more,” you choke out, lightheaded. And he complies, shifting you to your side and throwing one of your legs over his shoulder. Your cries melt into his, sweat soaking your skin, your hair, the table, as he pounds into you over and over again.
“That’s it baby– fuck, let go for me.” He presses the long-forgotten scalpel against your throat—and your vision goes white. Electricity sparks through your spine, your tongue lolls out, and you swear you feel tears run down your cheeks.
He doesn’t stop, working you through the orgasm as your legs bind his waist. A few more thrusts and he’s following you, holding your hips against him so tightly, he’ll probably leave deep purple bruises.
He finally stills, chest falling against yours and heaving, allowing you both to catch your breath. Flashing a set of pearly canines, his wild grin and the glint in his eyes reappear. For the first time since you’ve known him, Tendō is completely silent.
And then he laughs, lawless and untamed, the howl of a hyena that sounds like a song—and you laugh too.
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tomtenadia · 3 years
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A Little Braver - 17
So, as promised, part 17 is her.
Be prepared to submerge our bird boy with hugs, he will need them.
I promise the chapter will end in fluff and in a good note. The angst is only for the beginning. I need to douse it a bit since from ch 19 onwards the angst gremlin will be back with a vengeance.
I hope you will love it.
A big hug to all the people who commented, reblogged or loved this fic. Thanks to all of you.
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A week had gone by and Aelin and Rowan had taken the official decision to try and go back and both deal with the mess of their lives. 
The week had been perfect. Rowan had taken her hillwalking everyday and slowly she had started to feel like herself again. His presence had helped immensely. In a very short time he had become her rock. Full recovery was still a long way ahead but she felt better and with him at her side she had no more panic attacks or nightmares. 
She felt sad at the idea of leaving the cottage in the mountains but they had promised to go back for some special occasion.
*
It was morning and Rowan was getting ready to go back to work. They had set a date for the inquiry on his student’s death and that would be the day.
For once Aelin was the one worried one. She could not forget his reaction to the movie or the night he came back drunk after Fuzzy’s death. She knew he had put up a wall but hoped he would at least let her in. 
“What are you going to do?” He asked her while adjusting his tie.
“I have a meeting with Dorian and the counsellor and then I will pop in at the station and say hi to the squad and apologise.”
“Good.” His tone was detached and she moved a step to him and hugged his waist from behind “are you okay?”
He sighed “nervous. This will mean revive the entire accident over and over again.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
He shook his head and kissed her “thanks for the offer but I will be fine. My squadron will be there and you have an important meeting as well.”
“Ok,” she wanted to believe him, but could not ignore his cold detached tone and Aelin had learned that it was his coping mechanism. He was not okay.
-
Rowan arrived at the airforce HQ and was met by Lorcan.
“Sir,” he stood to attention.
“At ease captain,” Rowan stood down from attention and placed his hands behind his back in a at rest pose “I am sorry it’s so quick. I knew you were coming back yesterday and I did manage to hold on until today.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Are you sure you are ready?” And for once Rowan heard concern in his CO’s voice “this is going to be brutal.”
“I know.”
“I am on the board too and we have Captain Walker from the 24th squadron and Captain Matthews from the 31st and two engineers. They have all copies of the inquiry sent to the board.”
“Who is the president?”
“Marshal Clark.” Said Lorcan in a preoccupied tone.
“Fuck. The man hates me with a vengeance.”
Rowan sighed again and sat on the bench just outside of the room used for the meeting.
His squad arrived a moment later and they patted each other’s back in support.
“We are all here.” Gavriel told him taking a seat at his side.
“Thanks everyone.”
One of the assistants appeared on the door and announced the board was ready to convene. Rowan quickly texted Aelin and switched off his mobile.
The marshal, being the president, was in the centre of the seating area. Rowan went to greet the other two captains with whom he got along nicely and had known for a long time. Then he went to the marshal and saluted as expected “at ease captain.”
Rowan went to his assigned seat and flipped through the folder in front of him. It contained all the documents they needed. His report of the accident, the reports from the engineering team and other supporting evidence.
Marshal Clark called everyone to attention and declared the board in session. He then proceeded to explain to the members the accident that had happened.
One of the engineers who had performed checks after the aircraft had been recovered was asked to present his findings “after the analysis of the recovered aircraft and after having studied the dynamics of the accident we have found out that the main cause for the engine failure was a disruption in the airflow in the port intake causing it to stall with enough yaw rate to induce a flat spin. Cadet Williamson, according to the records of the accident, flew in the jet wash of one of his classmate’s aircrafts. That caused the airflow disruption. The stall was unrecoverable.” explained the engineer reading from his report “with regard to the canopy, we have found a fault in some model of jets used by the students where the charges did not operate correctly, causing the canopy to separate incorrectly. All those planes are grounded and now being checked.”
“Thank you.” Said the marshal, then his gaze turned to Rowan “Captain Whitethorn, stand please.”
Rowan did so.
“Could you please re tell the board the events that lead to the death of the cadet?”
Rowan took a deep breath and retold step by step what happened. It was still vivid in his mind that it would take ages before he could forget it.
“Did you tell the cadet to eject?”
“I did, sir.”
“Why?” Asked the marshal with inquisitive tone.
“He had lost control of the aircraft. From the black box retrieved from his jet he had pulled 9g after he started spiralling. From my position I could see that he was about to pass out. Ejecting the seat had been the safest option. Little did I know that the canopy would fail.”
The two other captains nodded in agreement, knowing full well that they would have suggested the same thing.
“Would the cadet have survived if he had more high G training?”
“Sir,” Rowan almost growled at his superior “his jet was under 9g for almost ten seconds before crashing in the water. Not even an experienced and highly trained pilot can sustain or survive that.” He breathed again “and you know better than me that centrifuge training can be done only with some weekly limits due to its dangers.”
“Had the cadets received basic procedures on how to properly eject and when?”
“Yes, sir. It’s one of the first things they are taught. They are shown how to properly deploy their parachute and how to blow the canopy. Training is also done in different conditions to simulate possible combat scenery.”
“Training was not the issue here,” said Lorcan going in Rowan’s support “Captain Whitethorn is one of our most experienced instructors and hundreds of students have survived his crushing training and are still alive today because of what he has taught them.”
“The post mortem also backed the cause of death in the crash of the body against the canopy.” Added captain Matthews.
“What kind of training were you doing that day?” The marshal continued, ignoring the protests.
“We were going through some basic dogfight routines. The cadets were only five months out of the academy so we were just covering the basics as per fighter school curriculum.” Answered Rowan who felt lost all of a sudden.
“Would the manoeuvre you had practiced put the boy in a position to be in another jet’s wake? Didn’t you teach them how to stay away from the jet wash of another aircraft during a dogfight?” The marshal had an agenda, that was very clear to Rowan. He was trying to blame this on him.
Captain Walker stood angrily “why are we attacking captain Whitethorn? The problem was that the engine stalled due to the jet wash from another aircraft. An experienced fighter might have been able to find a way out of such deadly spiral, the gods know I have found myself in that situation and got out of it by pure damn luck. Not a cadet five months out of the academy. It’s our job to teach them such manoeuvres but only after they have mastered the basics.” He sat down again nodding at Rowan.
“A good instructor would have taught his students how to fly in close formation and to avoid the wake of a team mate. A captain should know what such manoeuvre could cause.” Continued the marshal who had taken the fight to Rowan.
Lorcan stood angrily “That is enough.” He shouted.
“I would suggest you to sit down, Air commodore.”
“Not when you accuse my best instructor of being the cause of the death of a student.”
“It is my job as president of this board to try and figure out what happened.”
“I told two of my students they were too close. I advised another one not to drop below hard deck. I care about the safety of my students.” Rowan almost growled at the marshal “also, I stand by my decision to order cadet Williamson to eject. Had the canopy worked he’d be alive now.”
The marshal nodded and with a bored expression he then went back to the engineering team and they discussed the canopy issue.
Rowan let them talk and his brain disconnected completely and tried to ignore the pain from what had just transpired.
He sat in silence listening to the rest of the board discuss in the background. 
The marshal eventually called the board to attention “Following the evidence provided by the engineering team and the testimony of captain Whitethorn I declare that the death of cadet Williamson was caused by the port engine stall due to airflow disruption in the intake. The commission also noted that the flat spin in which the cadet went in was not recoverable. Captain Whitethorn is cleared of any faults.” Rowan noticed the disappointment on the man’s face for the fact the had been cleared of any faults.
The marshal then turned to Lorcan “Commodore, I expect you to keep the students grounded until the training jets have been fixed.”
“Yes, sir.”
“The board is dismissed.” Clark stood and walked out.
The other two captain went to Rowan “I had no idea the bastard would try to blame you for this.”captain Matthews added with fury.
“I would have told my students to eject as well. It was the only option.” Added captain Walker.
But Rowan was not listening. It hurt too much, knowing that someone had tried to blame the death of his student on him. That the marshal had to question all of his choices and possibly his training methods.
Lorcan and his squadron were at his side as soon as the room was clear.
“The arsehole has some guts.” Commented Fenrys but Gavriel elbowed him.
Rowan stood in a daze and left the room ignoring the voices of his team calling him.
*
Aelin’s meeting with Dorian and the counsellor had gone better than she expected. Thanks to Rowan she had been able to open up and talk to them about what happened and how she had been before her escape and what had prompted her to flee. She admitted to them her fears.
She felt much better but she had confessed that she did not feel ready to go back in action. She felt okay about going back to the station and work from the office but was not ready yet to be in a fire. She was still too scared for that and Dorian and the counsellor accepted her admission.
So they had agreed for a transition period. Aelin was told as well to attend weekly sessions with the counsellor to track her progress and her mental health recovery. She would be on desk duty for a while and after that, Dorian was willing to send her back out but just at his side in a fire emergency allowing her again to be close to the fire scene and if that went well they could work on a plan on sending her back in. 
She had agreed with the final decision and had left the room with a smile and a light heart. She stopped in the corridor to check her phone but no news from Rowan. The meeting should be over by now. She hoped he was okay.
Happily she drove back to her squad and everyone was eager to catch up with her. Then Aedion stopped in front of her “never again,” he told her and Aelin went for a hug. He remained stiff for a moment, then his arms enveloped her in a bear hug “looks like your captain fixed you up nicely.”
“Hey, I would recover from anything if I had such man looking after me.” Said Ansel and everyone laughed.
“He has been nice to me.” But all she could think was his face from that morning.
 *
Rowan had been walking without a direction for a while now. He felt as if he had lost his rudder, he had spent the last twelve years of his life working for people who had been ready to blame on him the death of a student. He looked at his uniform and for the first time since he had worn it he felt no pride in it. He had been so tempted to resign his wings on the spot. No matter that he had been cleared, it stung so much, even if it had been the opinion of one man.
It had been too much. He knew the marshal was never a fan of his. The first student he had lost had been his son. But at the time as well the board had declared it had not been his fault. It had been the pilot’s mistake. The marshal never forgave him. Seeing him again at a board for a student’s death he had probably tried to punish him for what happened to his son.
In the distance he spotted a pub and decided that a drink might help. He got in and sat at the counter and ordered a whisky, but once the drink was in front of him he could not drink it. In his current state he would spiral down again to the same level of self destruction of many years before when he lost the marshal’s son and he could not do that again. He could not put Aelin through that pain.
So he did the only sensible thing. He called her.
Aelin was in the common room with the squad and they were having fun and the guys were telling her about some of the calls they had and then they were teasing Luca and his upcoming exam.
She was about to tell them to stop picking on him when her phone went off. It was Rowan and her heart stopped. 
She quickly left the room and went outside, sitting on the bumper of one of the engines “hey,”
“Hi,” his voice was low and flat and she feared for him.
“What’s wrong.”
Silence.
“Ro, are you okay?”
“No.”
Shit. She stood and started pacing “where are you?”
“At a pub.”
“Which one.”
He told her the name.
“I am coming. Just stay there.” And closed the conversation and almost laughed at the irony of the situation. A week before she had been at the receiving end of such conversation.
She ran back to the squad “guys, I need to go. Rowan. It’s not good. I just have to go…”
She didn’t even wait for an answer. She just rushed back to her car and drove to him. He did not sound drunk so maybe it was not all lost.
She arrived at pub not long after and stormed in. Rowan was sitting at the counter staring at a glass of whisky in front of him.
“Ro.” She walked to him and his green eyes fell on her. There was pain in them, so much pain.
“You are not drunk,” she told him.
“He ordered the whisky two hours ago and had been staring at it ever since.” Said the bartender.
“Hey,” she caressed his head and he closed his eyes at the touch “what happened?”
He shook his head “not here.” He stood and Aelin followed then came back and chugged down the abandoned whisky and went after him.
He was walking away and she ran after him “wait, you have long legs, damn you.” He extended an arm behind him and Aelin grabbed his hand “fine, we are outside, spill the beans.”
She definitely had no tact.
He walked silently a bit longer until they reached a small park and he sat down on a bench and Aelin took a spot at his side never letting his hand go.
And then he told her. Everything that had happened in the room. The results of the inquiry, the marshal’s accusations. The identity of the first student he had lost and his desire to quit.
“I wanted to throw my wings in the marshal’s face.” He looked down dejected “I feel lost now. I want to go back to my students, I owe it to them, to teach them how to be safe. But everything else… I don’t care about it anymore.” his head leaned against her shoulder and Aelin brushed his head with her hand and kissed it tenderly “Ro, how can I help you?”
Rowan turned his head to her and she thought his eyes were wet with tears “what you are doing just now is enough. Having you with me helps.”
“Do you need to go back to the airbase now?”
Rowan nodded sadly.
“Ok, I’ll drive you.” Aelin stood and Rowan followed but before moving he pulled her to him and drew her in for a kiss “I love you.” He said quietly.
She flicked his nose “let’s go.” She offered him her hand and together they walked back to her car.
They arrived at the airbase not long after “do you need me to come in?”
Rowan shook his head “my team is there. I will be fine. Gav will stop me from doing anything stupid.”
“Good. I am going back to the station.” She leaned forward to kiss him “Will you be okay? I am worried about you.”
“I am a big boy.” He joked.
“Ro…”
He leaned forward and kissed her “I do love so much when you call me Ro like that…”
Aelin smiled against his lips “don’t do anything stupid and tomorrow you can ravish me all you want. You can even be super creative.”
“How can I refuse such proposal?” He kissed her again “I will be fine.” His hand went to the door handle and opened the door “I will see you tomorrow morning at home. Have a nice night shift.”
Aelin’s heart swelled with joy at the word home. Their place. They hadn’t made it official but her house had become home. Their home. And she loved the feeling of it.
“Think creative, captain.”
He winked at her and left the car. Then he waved at her and Aelin left, he put his cap on his head and headed back inside the airbase.
-
Rowan made his way to Lorcan’s office and took a deep breath before knocking on the door.
“Come in,” came from inside.
Rowan entered the room and Lorcan looked up at him and he did notice the expression of disbelief in his CO’s face.
“Rowan —” but the other man stopped him.
“Thank you for today. For the support.” Rowan said quietly sitting on the chair in front of his CO.
“The man was out of line.” Lorcan growled “he knows what kind of instructor you are. How strict you are. The man was trying to get you sacked as a punishment for his son’s death knowing full well that again it was not your fucking fault.”
Rowan looked away, shutting away the painful memories.
“I already sent orders to start working on the canopies and check them all.”
Rowan nodded silently.
“I know what we can do to cheer you up.” Rowan turned his head staring at a surprisingly cheery Lorcan. Elide was really doing miracles.
“Grab you gear and let’s get out in the air, this man here needs to fly. It’s been so long that it’s a miracle I can still be called a pilot.” And he chuckled.
Rowan stood “Fine, be ready to be crushed.”
Lorcan grinned and stood as well “Oh, I submitted a proposal to allow women to serve in the airforce.”
Rowan’s head whipped to one side “who are you and what have you done with Lorcan Salvaterre?”
“The captain and Elide. Turns out we have both chosen very strong women.”
“I like that.”
“Me too.”
Rowan was doing his pre-flight checks when he noticed Lorcan joining him. The man had always exuded charisma.
“You should really send Elide a picture of you in a jump suit. I know how much Aelin likes it, I guess Elide might appreciate it too.”
Lorcan lifted an eyebrow while he reached his jet and popped open the canopy “you think?”
Rowan nodded “how is it going with her by the way?”
“She is incredible. She is tiny but fierce and stubborn and quite amazing.”
Rowan could not believe it, Lorcan was in awe of someone a feat that he thought was impossible.
“You are in love with her.”
“I think so.” said Lorcan hiding the words in a cough, almost embarrassed by his admission.
“Good.” Then he stared at Lorcan and he realised that going out out for a flight had been a good idea. They were evenly matched in skill and it was going to be a fun one. They had a few turbulent months but he had more or less always got along with him. Flying together again felt like the good old times.
“You missed a spot.” Rowan pointed at one section under the wing. 
Lorcan replied with a middle finger and it felt nice to have their old banter back when Lorcan could finally put aside his CO mask for a while.
“I am not a cadet, I know how to do my pre flight checks.”
“Well, you are not following the order we were taught at flight school, cadet Salvaterre.”
“Stop being a smartass, cadet Whitethorn.”
Rowan climbed in his jet and finished his checks inside and communicated with the tower to finalise the flight plan and get the authorisations required.
“Come on Lorcan, you are so slow. Tower gave us the all clear and the flight plan is in. Are you sure you still remember how to fly? Do you need any pointers, Chaos?”
Chaos was Lorcan’s callsign and he had earned it very early in his career for his flying skills.
Eventually they were both ready and the two jets got taxied away and not long after they were in the air.
“Rules of engagement: anything is allowed and two out of three?”
“Copy that, Iceman.”
“Good, be ready to lose.”
The two jets broke apart and went in different directions and for a while they just ran in circles above the airbase to study each other.
Lorcan hadn’t wanted to admit that he was a bit rusty and Rowan was indeed a nasty customer. 
Gavriel and the three young pilots were walking along one of the long corridors on the airbase when they heard the sound of jets in the air and ran to the next window to look who it was. The classes for the cadets were still grounded and the three of them were on ground.
“Holy fuck,” muttered Gavriel when he realised who was out flying.
He ran out to the viewing tower followed by the twins and Vaughan.
“Is that who I think it is?” Asked Connall speechless.
“Rowan and Lorcan.” The older man turned to the three young guys “you are in for a treat, they can make you feel like a newbie.”
Gavriel saw Rowan pull in a vertical and flying into the sun, roll on his back and continue in  straight line flying just a meter above Lorcan, finally flipped his jet once again and placed himself at Lorcan’s six.
Lorcan tried some evasive manoeuvres but Rowan did not let go, always at his tail attempting to get a lock on his CO.
Lorcan felt trapped and as a last ditch he went into a high G barrel roll to try and shake off Rowan.
“Rowan is going to overshoot,” said Connall who was silently watching the dogfight between their superiors.
Then Rowan pulled a trick out of the hat and kept his jet in line with Lorcan’s then rolled and found himself upside down and fired at the other man.
“Holy fuck,” was Fenrys’ comment at the scene.
“What did just happen? How did he even manage that?” Added Vaughan.
“That is Rowan for you. Now you realise why we can’t ever win?”
“One nil for me, Chaos.”
“You are a sneaky bastard, Whitethorn. And where did you learn such manoeuvres?”
Rowan laughed over the comms “get your act together, Commodore, and you can probably get me.”
The dogfight between the two went on for much longer. Lorcan did manage to win an engagement but Rowan still won 2-1. They landed back and they found Rowan’s team waiting for them.
“Good to see you two flying again. The youngsters never had the chance to see the pros at work.” Said Gavriel relieved that the two men seemed again at ease with each other.
“Oh, yeah. Our dear CO was a bit rusty and I took him out to stretch his legs and I handed out his arse to him twice.”
Lorcan gave him the middle finger in response.
*
Elide was in the ambulance doing some inventory checks when her phone pinged. She opened the text from Lorcan and almost fainted on the spot. It was Lorcan in his jump suit beside his jet and the man actually had a hint of a smile on his face. The second image was of him and Rowan standing back to back, their arms folded at their chest and both had a goofy smile on.
She jumped off the ambulance and ran to Aelin who was in the equipment room checking out their gear “Ace, look!” She shouted as she stormed in.
“What?” And she looked at the two pictures on Elide’s phone.
“Interesting…” Aelin stared with curiosity at the picture of the two men.
“He is soooo hot, I have never seen him in a jump suit and gods I don’t know? Want to remove it one bit at a time?”
Aelin laughed “that’s what I would do to Rowan right now if we were together in a private place. I would peel that jump suit off him until he is naked in front of me.”
She saw Elide blush “Lorcan and I haven’t… passed the kissing stage yet. He has never touched me. He is very considerate of me. But a few times he hugged me and I… felt him.” And she made a gesture and Aelin understood.
“Elide that is normal. How do you feel about the next stage? Like exploring each other’s bodies?”
“As in naked?”
“Yes, but you can start with keeping your underwear to have a barrier on if it makes you feel better.”
Elide sat on the bench beside her “I don’t know how to do this. How do I touch him?”
Aelin could see panic rise in the woman “ask him to show you and then once you feel brave enough to try just give it a go. It can be quite fun.” Aelin stopped for a second trying to find a way to tackle the next issue “Elide, have you ever… you know… explored your body? Down there?”
Elide blushed savagely “no.”
Aelin took the woman’s hand “take a nice warm bath and then…” Aelin wiggled her fingers “just put a hand between your legs and see how it goes, what you feel.”
“Oh.”
“At least once you two take the next step you have an idea of how it feels.”
“And Lorcan does that as well?”
Aelin nodded “yes, and if the man is as good as the others claim he might leave you a satisfied mess just with his fingers or mouth or both. A sort of appetiser before the main course.”
“Do you and Rowan…?”
Aelin nodded “and not just him to me but me to him as well.”
“This sounds so much.”
“Elide, look at me.” Aelin placed her hands on the woman’s shoulder “you do not have to take the next step until you are okay with it. Talk with Lorcan. Explain to him that you are getting curious and want to try more. You can use a safe word so that when you start to become uncomfortable, you shout that word and he has to stop.”
“Oh.”
“He hasn’t rushed you or anything?”
Elide shook her head “no, he has been so understanding, and never pushed.”
“Good. You set the pace. You are the one who needs time so he adjusts to you, remember. But if you feel like you are ready for another step just tell him.”
“Is it… is it as good as everyone says? Is it worth it?”
Aelin nodded “with the right person is something incredible. The intimacy… the connection…”
“Do you have that with your captain?”
“Yeah, and some.”
“Uhhh… are we getting serious?”
Aelin looked away for a moment “I loved Sam. A lot. We were good together but it was never like this. Never this deep.” She threw her head against one of the jackets “I don’t know how to explain it but my feelings for Rowan are so strong that sometimes I feel like I can’t breath.”
“I want that too.”
A moment later the conversation was interrupted by Lysandra entering the room “Here you are, why are you hiding?”
Elide showed Lys Lorcan’s picture.
“Oh mama…”
“Elide is feeling… curious.”
Lysandra hugged the woman “that is wonderful, darling. With such a specimen I’d be curious too.”
“Lys.” Shouted Aelin laughing.
“What? Fine the man can be an arsehole but I can’t deny that in that picture he is one hot bastard.”
“Show her the other.”
Elide showed Lysandra the picture with both Rowan and Lorcan.
“Ok, I really need a cold shower now.”
“I am pretty sure Aedion is available. Just keep it quiet.”
Lysandra laughed “don’t you think I tried? He said it would be against the rules.”
“I am almost done with equipment checks. This room will be free soon.”
“You are a wicked woman.” 
Aelin winked.
“Did you do it in here with the captain?”
“No, but his office is quite comfortable.”
“Nice.” Commented Lysandra.
Lys then took Elide’s hand “come on, we got a couple of things to finish.”
Once the two ladies left she phoned Rowan and he picked up at the first ring.
“I am jealous, Lorcan sent a picture of the two of you to Elide and I don’t get a copy?”
“You liked that?”
“You were both smiling.”
“We talked,” added Rowan “Lorcan was even more pissed than me. I think Elide did the miracle.”
Aelin laughed and relaxed at his admission “how so?
“He chuckled. Lorcan chuckled.”
She heard mirth in his voice.
“And the man is totally in love with Elide. I swear I never heard the man talk like that about a woman.”
“Interesting.”
“Also, apparently he has decided to support my idea of having women in the airforce and submitted a proposal to the higher ups and he is prepared to fight for it.” He told her, knowing she would love the news.
“Ok, I might finally start to like the man. What changed?”
“You and Elide apparently.”
Aelin smiled smugly “so he does listen, I am impressed. I don’t think I can cope with the idea of Lorcan not being the bad guy.”
“His job is very stressful and I don’t think I could be able to cope with the amount of shit he has to deal with.” He sighed “put me in a cockpit surrounded by enemies and I will be fine. But the idea of being stuck behind a desk playing the political game day in day out…. no. I will retire before it happens.” He added sadly.
“So, what’s on the agenda for the rest of the day, captain?”
“I am helping him with a few things. Then do more prep work for our performance review.”
“Do you think you are ready for that?”
She heard a lot of noise in the background and she guessed he was back in the hangar.
“Aye, we are good to go.” He was silent for a moment “I have to go, Fireheart.”
“Sure. Be safe and have a nice drill.”
“I love you. Have a nice night shift.”
“Send me that picture, Whitethorn.”
“Yes ma’am.”
She closed the conversation and relaxed heavily. Rowan sounded so much better and she was smidge less worried. With a big smile she went back to her work.
*
It was past 9pm and Aelin was in her office working away on some paperwork Dorian had sent over. She had a good day. It had felt good being back and she realised that Rowan’s help and their time away had helped very much. She felt saner and being at the station did not cause any problems. She was not ready yet to go back fighting fires, of that she was well aware. That was the last challenge she had to face but she and Aedion had discussed a training regimen that would slowly allow her to find the courage again to go fully back on duty and she felt excited at the idea.
She had been so engrossed in her work she did not hear the knock on the door. When it happened a second time she slowly raised her head “come in.” She said flatly and almost annoyed. 
A head of silver hair appeared on the door and she stopped “am I interrupting?”
“Of course captain. How dare you?”
He smiled and took a step in “I can go if you are working.”
Aelin rolled her eyes “get your arse inside and give me fifteen minutes of silence.”
He nodded and walked to her bookcase, giving her his back. His hand behind his back, his spine ramrod straight and his feet slightly apart in a perfect at ease position. She grinned. You could take the man out of the military but not the military out of the man.
She stopped working and rested her chin on her hands and a pen in her mouth. She studied him from behind and was impressed how still he could stay. A feat that had alway been impossible to her. 
Rowan grabbed one of her manuals and started flipping through it. It was only fair, she had done the same to his flight manuals. 
“A chemistry book?”
She eventually decided to stand and join him at his side.
“I hated chemistry in school. I was good at it but never liked it. I preferred physics.”
Aelin smiled and grabbed another book: fire science “this one might be more interesting.”
He had a look through it and smiled at her “can I take it at home or do you need it here?”
“You can take it home.”
Rowan smiled and placed the book on the sofa then cupped her face “hi, by the way.” And he kissed her.
“About time. I thought you were more interested in my books than me.” She teased him, pulling away briefly.
“You told me to stay silent for fifteen minutes. I was just following orders.”
“Screw that.”Aelin switched off her computer and walked to him, palm upturned, offering him her hand “follow me captain.”
“Do I need to be scared?”
She glared at him.
They walked along the corridor of the fire station and it was so silent and quiet compared to what he had seen during the day “where is everyone?”
“Resting. We got beds, you know? But Brullo and Ress are probably up watching tv as usual.”
They walked through the common area and as Aelin suspected the two guys were watching some  series on tv.
“Hi guys,” she greeted them.
They raised their heads “hi boss,” then noticed Rowan “oh captain, you found her. Good.”
“When I walked in I announced myself. I could not just waltz in.”
“Come on,” she grabbed his hand. Aelin dragged Rowan to the area where they kept the fire engine and the truck. She moved to the engine and opened a door on the side and pulled out two thick blankets then with them under her armpit, she started climbing the ladder at the end of the rig “Come on captain.”
Rowan looked at her puzzled.“Where are you going?”
He saw her rolling her eyes “on top of the rig.”
“If the alarm—”
“Captain, if the alarm goes off we have enough seconds to get our arses back down. They will not drive away with us on top of the rig. Do you trust me?”
He looked at her in a strange way.
Aelin threw the blankets on the top of the engine and climbed back down and marched to him, grabbing his hand “move.”
With force she dragged him to the ladder and prompted him to climb. He did as ordered and once at the top he stopped. Aelin stopped behind him, then in a swift motion she pulled her leg over the engine rail and climbed on its roof.
She took the blankets and placed them on top of all the hoses “it smells a bit of smoke. You’ll get used to it.”
He climbed over and stood for a second admiring the view from on top of the engine. When he turned he saw Aelin laying down on the blankets, her arms extended to him and a goofy smile on her face. He joined her and took a place at her side.
She nested against his chest and his arms looped around her frame.
“I come up here a lot on a night shift. I don’t sleep, I just relax, I love to imagine I am laying on the grass and that if I look up I can see the stars.”
“I do that when I am on an aircraft carrier and I am not on standby. I just walk on the deck along the rail, although is not as quiet as here as there are still flights happening, but it’s less busy. I just lean against the handrail, near the island and look out at the sea and I my case I can see the stars.”
Aelin turned in his arms and faced him “can you navigate by just using the stars?”
“We don’t use it much, GPS is a very handy tool, but it’s a skill we learn in case something fails and you are left with no GPS or any other electronic help.”
“What about you? Had a good day at the station?” He kissed the top of her head.
Aelin nodded eagerly “yes, I admitted I had a problem out loud and both Dorian and Aedion have offered to help in anyway they can.” She looked up at him “and you… you helped so much… and still helping…”
He smiled tenderly “it goes under my job description for boyfriend, I assume?”
She caressed his face loving the sound of him calling himself her boyfriend.
“Say it again,” she whispered to him.
“What?”
“That you are my boyfriend.”
He went for a deep kiss “I am yours.”
Aelin smiled against his lips “those are powerful words, captain.”
“They are true, though.”
Aelin’s heart raced and her hand went to his chest and found his doing exactly the same.
“I love this. Us. I really do…” she stuck her head in the crook of his neck inhaling his scent “but it still scares me because it happened so fast. One day I wanted to punch you, the next I wanted to kiss you. And it frightens me. I want this to work. I want us to work out.”
His hand covered hers still on his chest “you are not alone. This is a lot for me as well. But I am done fighting my feelings.” He hugged her closer “I love you, even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.”
Aelin kissed his chest “you are so cheesy it’s disgusting.”
Rowan pushed her away and she rolled on her back at his side, her hand still in his “I was trying to be romantic and you ruined the moment.”
She smiled “sorry, I used to do that with Sam all the time. He would say something super romantic and I would respond with a joke. When he proposed I replied that I had to check with my lawyer first.”
“You are a brat.”
“It was so funny. Then I texted him and said that my lawyer had agreed.” Aelin brought their twinned hands to her mouth and kissed them “I showed him later on that night in bed how much I wanted to marry him. He did not complain.”
“You really are a handful.”
“I know, but now you picked me and there is no turning back.” She said against their hands fearing she had gone too far.
“I love a good challenge.” He rolled over and was now half on top of her, his hand on her side caressing her gently.
Aelin grabbed his face in her free hands and kissed him stupid but Rowan pulled back when he remembered where they were. He was still terrified they would drive away with the two of them on top of the engine.
He lay back down and his hand started trailing along her injured arm exposed by the short sleeved shirt. The burns had healed but the skin remained marred. He traced the length of it and leaned over to kiss it.
“Does it bother you?”
“No,” he said softly while continuing to kiss her injured arm and her scars “you are my brave and fierce Fireheart. It scares me that I almost lost you. But you scars…” another gentle kiss “they don’t bother me.”
She snuggled closer and he enveloped her in his arms.
“I forgot.” He propped himself up on one elbow “I have received an invitation.”
“Oh?” Aelin did the same and faced him.
“This weekend the navy is throwing a launch party for the new aircraft carrier, down at the dockyards before she is set at sea for the trials and then off to deployment.” He explained “Me and the guys have been invited and I can bring a guest. Fancy being my plus one?”
“Are we going public, captain?”
“If you want to.”
Aelin thought about it “I could wear the stunning black dress I bought in Doranelle.”
Rowan remembered that dress and the effect it had on him when she wore it in the shop.
“Are you trying to give a heart attack to the whole Terrasen military?”
Aelin giggled “just going to show all those posh boys what an amazing taste in women you have.”
“That I do.” He flicked her nose.
Aelin was about to reply when dispatch alarm went off and she bolted on her feet and pulled Rowan up and grabbed the blankets “come on, captain.”
She climbed down super quickly and by the time he made it down, the blankets were back in the truck and the squad was getting ready to go.
“Showing the captain your special spot?” Joked Aedion.
Aelin nodded and patted his shoulder “keep the guys safe and you stay safe too.”
“Always.” Quickly Aedion ran to the truck and a moment later the squad was gone.
“It’s hard to see them go and not being able to be with them.”
He pulled an arm around her shoulder “come, I’ll make you hot chocolate.”
She followed him “that’s exactly how you woo a woman, captain.”
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otakusheep15 · 3 years
Text
SFW Alphabet - Solomon
This is for my best friend/mother as she is the biggest Solomon simp I’ve ever seen lol. Also, this is gonna be angsty cause I love writing angsty Solomon
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
He pretends to not like affection, but he’s a softie and we all know it. Really, all he needs is a hug and he’ll just melt on the spot. 
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
One word: chaos. You two as best friends cause untold destruction and cause Lucifer several migraines per day. Being besties with him also means being besties with Asmo, so be prepared for that as well.  
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
He loves cuddles. Maybe it’s just the fact that he hasn’t had much physical contact in who knows how long, but he loves any form of contact. His favorite ways to cuddle is him on his back with you either laying on top of him, or on the side of him with your head on his chest. 
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
I can’t see him as the type to settle down, be he’d consider it depending on the person. And while he’s a terrible cook, he’s not half bad at cleaning and other household chores. 
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
He’d be super blunt about it. Honestly, he’s scared to get with anyone to begin with since, ya know, immortality and all, so it’s been a while since he’s actually had to break it off. His main goal when breaking up with someone is to get them away from him, so he wants to make sure the way he breaks up with them will make them want to stay away. 
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
Afraid of commitment. I imagine the last time he tried to commit to someone was before he became immortal, so having to watch them die made him vow to never get that close to anyone again. Then he met you, and all of that has been thrown out the window. He might try and rush things a bit, but he just wants as much time with you as possible. So, while he is afraid to commit, he’ll do it for you. 
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
He’s bad at human interaction, so he might not know if he accidentally hurts you, but he’ll be quick to apologize once he realizes. Honestly, he’s better at being physically gentle since he can control that better than emotions.  
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
Loves hugs. They’re one of his favorite things ever. He just finds such comfort in them, and they’re great for stress relief. His hugs are a bit on the aggressive side, but they’re still very enjoyable. 
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
He’d say it on accident. And then he’d try to play it off to hide how embarrassed he is. It is pretty early on, but he does mean it with all his heart. Please say it back, he hasn’t heard it in a while. 
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
He gets extremely jealous. Like, you spend so much time with the brothers and he can’t stand that. Of course, he would never admit it, but he would try everything he can think of to get you away from them. Once, he almost resorted to food poisoning out of sheer desperation. 
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
His kisses differ depending on his mood, but they’re usually soft and full of passion. His favorite place to kiss you is your neck because it gets a nice reaction out of you. His favorite place to be kissed is the top of his head cause he’s secretly a big softy who wants to be babied.  
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
He’s not the most fond of kids, but he’ll tolerate them. They’re are fun to tease though, especially Luke. 
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
he’s either waking you up at the crack of dawn to work on some new potion, or he’s sleeping in until past noon and refuses to get up. Regardless, you are not leaving his side. If he gets up, he’ll drag you up with him. If he wants to stay in, he’ll hold you there until he’s satisfied. 
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
He’ll usually be up late working on something or other, but he’s never up for too long. He jins you in bed when he’s done, and he’ll cuddle the crap out of you an an apology for keeping you waiting. He’s also fond of talking to you about random stuff that happened throughout the day until one or both of you fall asleep. 
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
This man is one of the most secretive people to ever exist. He wants to open up to you, honestly he does, but he just can’t. he’s so worried that all of his emotional baggage will drive you away, and he couldn’t stand losing another person he cares about. So, he keeps everything hidden. With time, he’ll start opening up if you push enough buttons. 
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
He’s really good at pretending he’s patient. On the outside he’s his same-old self, but on the inside he’s fuming. His patience tends to wear especially thin around the brothers (except Asmo). It’s a mixture of jealousy for how much time they spend with you, and anger that they refuse to make a pact with him. But he keeps it all under wraps. 
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
He does remember a good bit of information, but he sucks at remembering small details. For example, he may know what month your birthday is in, but he cannot remember the actual date. Or, he would remember your favorite movie genre, but not your favorite movie in said genre. He tries his best though. 
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
He loves this one time where you tried to help him cook something. You were tired of dealing with the mess that is his cooking skills, and you wanted him to make something that wouldn’t kill you. Everything started out fine until you accidentally get some flour on him. It wasn’t much, but still. He just turns to you without saying anything before launching some flour right back at you. And then the casual baking session turns into an all-out food war. The kitchen is a mess and you two end up getting scolded by Simeon later, but it was totally worth it.  
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
Oh he’s very protective. I mean, you’re a defenseless human surrounded by powerful demons who want to eat you, of course he’d be protective. He would never mean to over-bearing, but he can come off that way sometimes. He used to protect those he cared about before he became immortal, so the habit comes back with you now. He doesn’t need protecting for obvious reasons, so it’s all the more reason to focus on protecting you. 
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
Surprisingly, he prefers more lowkey dates. Maybe it’s because he rarely gets any alone time with you, but he loves just chilling out together practicing magic. if you did want to go out, he would take you somewhere in the Human World to get away from all the chaos of the Devildom. 
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
Obviously, his cooking could kill a man, but we’re gonna move past that since it’s low hanging fruit. Besides that, he has a tendency to by pretty cunning and he’s always planning some kind of prank. He also has a tendency to get jealous of the brothers a lot, and that can make him salty when you guys can finally hang out. 
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
He used to be pretty concerned with his looks, but he’s gotten over it. He still tries to look decent since he is in the presence of some powerful demons, but it isn’t at the forefront of his mind. Although, since becoming besties with Asmo, his vanity has started picking up again.  
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
Maybe yes, maybe no. He’s had to deal with loss several times over, so he could probably learn to deal with it like he did before, but you could be different. It really just depends on what kind of impact you have on him during your time together. 
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
We all know that it’s basically canon that he and Asmo have hooked up before lol. But I also lowkey think he’s hooked up with both Barb and Satan. I have no real reason as to why I think this, but I do and I’m sticking to it. I don't even ship it that much, I just think he would do something like that. 
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
He actually doesn’t like someone he knows he’d get attached to. He doesn't want to go through that pain again, so he wants to remain distant. Also, he doesn’t like someone who doesn’t understand or accept what he’s been through and what he’ll continue going through. He wants someone who understands and who he can talk to about it. 
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
He gets very clingy in his sleep. If he’s sleeping with someone, they can expect to be trapped in his arms until he wakes up. And if you try to escape, he just hugs you even tighter. 
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I hope you are having a great day.
I wanted to tell you that I love the way you write and how you show the personality of your characters in so few words.
Also if you have time, for the Bad Things Happend Bingo, could I ask for a Soup for the Sick? (Maybe a villain whumpee)
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Thank you for the ask! And especially thank you for that lovely message attached to it, it means a lot!
Soup for the sick... here you go, I hope you enjoy! I did, I had lots of fun writing this one.
Personalized Caretaker
@badthingshappenbingo
Warnings: drug abuse mention, feverish whumpee, talk of medications, mean caretaker, delirium, fever, pills (tylenol)
... there may be more so tell me if there is so I can list them.
~
Civilian wished that she didn't live in the most heavily super-powered city in the world.
Yes world.
Villains and heroes all running around like teenagers, not caring for the lives of innocent civilians... or the heroes were meant to, Civilian started to think that the whole "we will protect you" was all phony propaganda aimed to get the city to fund their organization.
But the daily bombings and increasing death toll was not the issue with the city. It wasn't even the large mass of heroes and villains. It was only one.
One.
Of all the heroic figures and devilish snakes, there was only one that ticked Civilian off.
Villain.
And not because he was the King of Monologues. No, it was because the bastard made Civilian his own personal caretaker.
Was she asked to tend to his very needs? No.
Was she hired? Paid? No, but she should be getting a salary for the tedious work of stitching wounds and feeding his greedy stomach. The bandage bills were adding up and Civilian's meager wage was completely wiped out from having to buy a pack every day.
She was an inch away from going on a rage and robbing every bank in the city.
No, she wasn't. She just happened to live on 489 Deertree Avenue, where six months ago the murderous villain decided to collapse unconscious on her doorstep to bleed out like it was no problem.
Like it was a leisure, a recreational activity. Probably to him, waking up in a warm bed, doped up on painkillers with the sickening sweet smell of caramel candles burning around him, it was.
But not to Civilian. She had to manually help the injured individual drink water, get dressed, and even use the bathroom.
UGGGHHHH!
The man had millions of henchmen, billions of wannabe minions at his beck and call.
But he just so happened to have a crush on the red door of 489 Deertree Avenue.
But it was a bad case of unrequited love of the highest order, so no hope of a romantic candlelit date at the most expensive restaurant in the most famous city in the world.
Dairy Queen.
The pure hilarity of that fact. Even the Avenger Tower did not hold nearly as many powered or high-tech individuals as the city and the most fanciest restaurant was a chain fastfood restaurant at the corner of main street.
Civilian clenched the towel she was holding. As much as the stupidity of the city got on her nerves, it was very unpatriotic of her to go on and embarrass the area even more.
Civilian was scrubbing the mirror in the bathroom. The walls of the whole room were stained in the most disgusting brown and red from all the grime and blood radiating off a singular person's- not even the owner of the house- body.
Those would never go away unless Civilian paid for someone to come and mega-wash the bathroom. Not that she had any money to invest in such a delightful gift, her bank account was too busy supporting the prescribed pain medications. Like, Civilian was probably on the watchlist for utter bankruptcy and for being a possible candidate for drug addiction.
Who needs two whole containers of opioids and a canteen of valium every three months?
Not a normal civilian washing floors at Walmart, that's for sure.
But then again, Civilian was far from normal. She worked as a personalized savior during her freetime.
Civilian clenched her teeth and took a deep breath in. Her ward hasn't made his grand appearance in over a week. She actually had time to relax, make some popcorn and actually decompress. It was like vacation, peaceful, tranquil and full of serenity, free of any-
Knock, knock, knock.
Civilian's moment of bliss was unceremoniously ended by the all too familiar beat of a fist on wood.
"You have my permission to make out with the door Villain! You don't need to ask anymore!"
Civilian hoped Villain was coherent enough to internalize that as an invitation to bleed on her couch.
Just so she could have one more moment. One more moment of her coveted break.
Cough.
Civilian's head perked up. That was new. She never, ever heard Villain cough in a sickly manner- she never let him get bad enough to get sick, or he didn't permit himself to wait around until infection and fever set in.
She set down the towel, worry settling into her bones like it always did- not that she liked the heart dropping feelings and nauseating pit in her stomach each and everytime Mr. Needy had blood on him. Or everyday that he didn't show up for a bandaid, or a "kiss-it-better".
Yes, the pure humiliation when her delirious patient painfully begged her to kiss his knee better. Like, the puny scrape on his leg was by far the least severe wound on his bloodstained body, but of course, Civilian complied and gave him a little peck on his Olaf bandaid.
Civilian ripped open the door and the scene in front of her chased away those obnoxious memories.
Villain collapsed into her arms, head lolling pathetically against her shoulder. His forehead felt like it was doused with gasoline and then lit by a torch five times over. Civilian's shocked arms involuntarily wrapped around his equally scorching body. Yes, it was not a conscious act. Not in a million years would Civilian muster up the compassion to actually comfort the villain more than the deed of "saving his life" called for.
No, no Civilian hated Villain. Completely and totally loathed each and every cell on his body.
But she dragged him into the house and shut- more like slammed- the door anyways because she couldn't let him die, it would be like murder's sidekick.
Especially since Villain trusted her. Oh how he trusted her. Trusted her to bathe him, to feed him, to give him medicine, but most importantly not to kill him. With all the horrors he committed, a swift knife to the throat would be more than justified. In fact, Civilian would likely be commemorated for such bravery.
Public approval, fame... all a deliciously yummy cake.
Not worth it. Too many calories.
Civilian sunk to the ground and put Villain's upper body in her lap. He nestled into her, pressing his cheek deep into her side with a small, contented smile on his pale face.
"Don't drool on me," Civilian snapped, jostling Villain who woke up. Before he had the chance to get his bearings, Civilian spoke up again, "Are you hurt?"
The villain stared at her for a while before breaking into desperate tears, shaking his head.
What the heck?
"Stop crying or I will punch you," Civilian threatened, but she rubbed Villain's back soothingly.
"Dying," Villain sobbed.
"You are not dying, buddy, you have a cold."
"No, I'm dying," Villain asserted. Civilian rolled her eyes. Did he have to be so dramatic?
"I don't think a cold will kill you. Stop acting like the world is ending now, or I will throw you in the trash."
Villain whimpered and pulled himself closer, still crying.
He really was sick. So sick to the point of being delirously delusional.
"You don't need to be a Disney princess," Civilian said, still rubbing the villain's back. Villain's cries turned into sobs and then into wails.
Okay this was getting out of hand. Civilian stood up and dragged Villain's body over to the couch. She marveled in her strength for a while. When Villain first made his appearance in her otherwise boring life, she was as skinny as a twig. Now? This girl was a freaking hulk, baby.
Okay stop that, Civilian chastised herself, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. She laid Villain on the beige colored couch and rested his wet head against a pillow that was metaphorically marked with his name.
Now that the villain was completely stretched out, Civilian- to her relief- found that he was not bleeding, therefore, she didn't have to waste her precious supply of gauze and bandages tonight.
But he still was very, very sick. His face was a gray mask of pale complexion, his hair snarled and matted in sweat. His lips were tinged blue as unfocused eyes gazed around the room, landing on the TV.
"You want to watch something?" Civilian asked, though the question was more than unnecessary. Villain always watched a movie as he dozed off, warm and comforted by the mound of blankets strewn over him.
But still, like a habit, he nodded weakly each and every time. Civilian smiled, the tiniest of grins, and connected the tablet to the television. When the screen popped up with the classic Amazon Prime Video layout, Civilian asked what movie.
"Boss Baby," Villain mumbled, lips hardly moving.
"You want to watch a movie with baby superheroes? Why don't we watch Toy Story or something?"
Or something a bit more adult-ish.
"Mhm," Villain groaned, eyes slipping shut. "Baby superheroes."
Now it was Civilian's turn to groan, loud and exaggerated. But, still he was her unwelcome guest so she had to please his obnoxiously childish wants.
Like how old was he? Five?
Civilian put in the movie and sat down next to Villain, putting his legs on her lap. She tapped lazily at his jeans as the opening credits showed. Leaning her head back, Civilian allowed her gaze to drift away from the stupid fat-faced animated figures and to Villain.
He was nearly asleep.
Civilian shifted her weight and rested against her arm to watch him. Even sick, she had to admit, the evil and annoying villain was shockingly handsome.
What was she thinking?!
Pushing Villain's feet away, Civilian stood up and aggressively shoved her palm to his forehead. It was buzzing with heat.
"You are paying for the bill," Civilian growled and went to go get some tylenol.
Upon returning to the sickly man's sweaty side, Civilian thrusted the pills into his mouth and washed them down with water. She didn't even give him a chance to wake up fully, the motion was instinctual. He swallowed on reflex.
Next, Civilian cussed herself for this, she cupped his cheek. Villain sunk into her palm, chewing silently, and continued to sleep.
When Villain first visited, Civilian couldn't get over how touch starved the poor guy was. It was to the point of absolute fear of touch. He would shiver before violently flinching away, glaring daggers.
He still didn't allow hugs or a highfive when he was in his right mind- not that Civilian saw him fully conscious ever apart from a couple times.
"Hungry?" Civilian mumbled, more to herself than anyone.
Still, Civilian placed Villain's head back onto the pillow and went into the kitchen to make some soup.
Chicken noodle soup with rice... her specialty. Chicken breast and rich seasoning, even one's dampened taste buds could taste the utter deliciousness of the watery broth.
Then the rice. Sometimes when Villain was on the mend, she would add some wild rice or lentils to the dish. Spooning some basic white rice into the bottom of the bowl, Civilian tapped her foot aimlessly.
The kettle on the stove whistled, Civilian pushed it off the heat and added the seasoning and celery. The savory scent wafted into her nose earning itself a tiny smile from Civilian.
Once the soup was done, she presented it to the still sleeping villain. His mouth hung open, desperate for air that his clogged nostrils couldn't deliver.
Dang. Poor guy was really ill.
Civilian sat next to Villain, so close that she could feel the rise of his chest. She shoved his face upwards. Villain blinked his eyes open and settled his gaze on Civilian's annoyed, but worried, face.
"Ghm," he moaned, rumbled in the back of his throat in a fatigued manner. "Cow hopping."
"Shut up," Civilian scolded and helped Villain to a seating position. He complied, but had no strength left to actually hold the stance.
So Civilian was forced to lay him against her chest and feed him by giving him a big old bear hug. Spoon after spoon went to his mouth until Civilian was just dumping it into his mouth without any natural swallowing reflex.
She took a wet rag and cleaned his face before laying him back onto the couch. Civilian smiled and tenderly touched his eyebrow.
Why did she have to care about him so much?
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Hi hi! I saw your post asking for request/inspiration! Maybe Geralt x fem reader, and geralt has to hunt down a monster but the reader as well, so first they try to outsmart the other but eventually they realize they have to work together and they end up falling for each other? ❤️❤️
Bound By Blood - Geralt of Rivia x (f)reader - Part 1
side note- I have no self control and just kept writing so we’re gonna have a pt. 2 soon
Summary: Geralt has learned of a mysterious witch and her supposed vicious familiar, now he must hunt to bring them down for their crimes.
Warning: blood & gore, angst, bit o fluff, some smut sprinkled in the mix
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It had been a good couple of weeks since his last kill, or since he had a solid amount of coin that could pay for food and board. So like any Witcher with a freshly sharpened sword and a thirst for coin with a little adventure included, Geralt was on the move, in search of his next monster to slay.
Though by the looks of it, the continent is starting to feel like a much larger place then he remembered, or perhaps he’s out in the wilds a bit further then once previously thought. Either way, the day is bright and the woods are green, although the occasional snowflake floating into his hair and Roach’s for that matter may become an annoyance later on. Guess he’ll just have to see where the road takes him this time.
No sooner would his swimming thoughts of wondrous curiosity be answered after a couple hours of traveling through the now very snow covered forest, where he would happen upon a small gathering of road worn travelers. All of whom appeared to be speaking over a small fire, their horses tied off close by. And most likely, weapons hidden at the ready for odd folk like himself.
Roach’s hooves are almost silent against the powdery white fluff as Geralt makes his way into view of this pack of loyal companions trying to have a meal in the midst of their camp before nightfall. Soon their eyes find Roach and himself, these strangers look on in cautious apprehension, wary and uncertain of what this Witcher’s true intentions are.
Suddenly a young foxy looking boy stands, his thick auburn hair falling in his face as he points a shaky steel knife in the air, “What business you have? We don’t want a fight.” Speaks the boy as confidently as he can muster, though there is a small waver in his voice. The others wait for an answer.
Geralt blinks, face unassuming and as relatively non-threatening as possible, “I’m just passing through, I’m trying to see what beast needs killed over the next hill.”
The boy lowers his knife, “Oh...well, good luck to you then. There’s been a great bear said to be hunting for Nilfgaard soldiers over that way, that’s why we’re headed west instead.”
Before Geralt is able to respond an older woman with a wolf rug over her back steps next to the boy protectively, “Best keep a move on Witcher,” She warns, eyeing him up suspiciously with her pale grey eyes, “said a woman with...unnatural powers commands the beast to kill for her. A witch of the wood it’s said, but that old bastard she has, been killing villagers and travelers alike who venture too far from town.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Mutters Geralt before directing Roach to continue onward with a click of his tongue.
——
They had never seen you coming, and now they’re paying for their lack of scouting with their pathetic little lives. The soldiers of Nilfgaard were said to be the most deadly and dangerous, men who came with fire in their hearts and steel in their hands. They feared nothing and no one, dressed in black armor and growing in numbers from the south everyday was enough to make you feel sick.
They had no right nor proper business claiming and desecrating what wasn’t there’s, how dare they hurt innocent people, they acted like true barbarians. And you would not put up with it any longer, they had burned your home, murdered your mother, and destroyed the rest of your village.
So for their crimes, you decided it was time to do what was necessary for the continents future survival, it was time to hunt. For months have you and your furry companion been here and there eradicating soldier camp after soldier camp with great satisfaction, now finally at long last have you tracked down a group of Nilfgaardians who’ve strayed too far from the main hoard. How unfortunate.
You had waited patiently to ambush them on the main road where they’d been trekking down for the past day and a half, it was too damn easy, all you did was pretend to be a hurt scared maiden in the woods. Then when they attempted to comfort you, your bear burst forth from the underbrush and slaughtered a handful before they even knew what hit them.
Now here you stand, boots in the spattered snow as you look around the blood stained white blanket of earth where a multitude of soldiers lay dead and mutilated. Though one remains with air still in his lungs, you smirk a wicked grin, eyeing up the fallen soldier as he stares wide eyed up at you from his broken body against a tree stump.
Your furry accomplice breaths heavy mountainous breaths close by, though he’s aware enough to know you’ll take care of the last one. And the terrified soldier knows it too as you take more steps closer. He flinches as you crouch down to meet his blood spattered face, “Nu-no, no...do-don’t...”
“Shhh.” You smile, raising a finger to his lips, silencing him instantly.
 He’s shaking now, eyes like a young fearful child’s as he studies your beautiful yet frightening appearance. “I thought all Nilfgaardian soldiers feared nothing, not even death. What a disappointment you all are.”
“We will...ta-take it....a-all...” He whimpers out as you throw him a harsh glare that shuts his bloody mouth.
“Just like I have taken your brothers lives,” You whisper with a sly grin before casually shrugging, “an eye for an eye they say....so don’t be afraid, I have felt the same as you do right now. Helpless, terrified, in pain....but listen...” You look sincerely into his broken gaze, a small smile upon your lips as you rest a comforting hand over his arm, though he knows its anything but comfort. “Nilfgaard and all her subjects can burn in the fiery pits of the underworld for what they’ve chosen to do in these lands. I was on the wrong side of the sword once, now you are, and no magical bear is going to come save you.” Your words are as deadly as poison, like a cobra spitting venom to their prey before the final strike.
His eyes go wide, blood seeping down his cracked lips, “No. No..n-no no! No!” Suddenly you thrust your dagger right through his jugular and right back out again causing a spurt of blood to mark your cheek, standing back you watch as he gasps and sputters, choking on his own blood as it gushes out of him like a waterfall.
“He even dies like a bitch.” You mutter in disgust, cleaning off your sword with your arm before sheathing it once again, now looking over to the beast standing in the snow. Heavy white clouds of hot breath pierce the crisp air as he watches your every move in interest, “Come. Let’s get away from here before someone sees us, we don’t need anymore bloodshed today. Now these fuckers are food for crows.”
The bear growls in agreeance, trailing after you as some hungry black ravens caw from the trees in excitement for their new free meal. No village will burn today.
——
“Oh yes, I saw her command the bear to kill those soldiers just three days ago!”
“That beast took my son last week, kill them Witcher!”
“I’m afraid to visit my cousins in the next town over! You must kill them!”
That had been the comments and ramblings of the townsfolk of the local tavern when he asked who and where this witch and her bear was. Though he didn’t get much of a solid answer by any means, not until an old hunter had eventually directed him to where the most recent cluster of Nilfgaard soldiers had headed.
Stating that if Geralt follows their route, then he would most likely come upon the men’s remains somewhere along the road, and if he was lucky, he’d run into the two killers as well.
Indeed it had taken him about a day or so, but eventually the farther down the trail he got, the fresher the tracks became. Suddenly during his journey did he pass a rider-less horse on its way back towards town, a dark brown smear of some kind splattered across its grey leg. Now this looked quite promising.
Only a small trot up the road did he finally find the brutal remains of the soldiers that had most definitely not made it to wherever they had planned on heading. The snow in particular was disturbed and littered with chunks of men, swords thrown about and shields bent and broken. He could smell blood and piss from the men, most of all he could smell bear and what it had done here, though it was strange too. For a sweeter scent could be recognized on the cool wintery breeze, such a viable contrast to the current state of the environment. 
She still lingers close, thinks the Witcher. Quickly moving to pull out his silver sword from within its sheath. Sensing a new presence among the fallen, he whips around in a dark blur only to be greeted face to face with a beautiful woman.
He stood his ground eyeing your form suspiciously like a lion wondering if his prey will be easy enough to kill, though he wasn’t certain if he truly wanted to kill you at all. You looked rather unassuming and calm, less monsterly and more a simple traveling woman then anything else, such unlike the grisly tall tales that those travelers and townsfolk had gossiped to him about.
Honestly Geralt was beginning to doubt what he had been given coin for, but he would not submit to that thought just yet, he has faced creatures just as alluring as you and found them quite deadly enough.
Keeping his silver placed firmly at his side, though still tightly grasped in his strong hand, his golden eyes trail over you cautiously, “You do this?” He wonders, coming out more of an accusatory statement as he glances at the bloody array of dead Nilfgaardian soldiers gutted about on the soft white snow.
Your breaths are steady though you feel more annoyed by his random intrusion then anything else, you only came back here to take their weapons to give to the villagers, “I have no quarrel with you, Witcher.” Your voice is truthful and fierce, not an ounce of nervousness radiating off of your tongue. As far as you’re concerned this man is nothing but an inconvenience.
He keeps a stoic face, not revealing much but a tinge of amusement in his shimmering eyes, “Strange then. I’ve been given coin to kill a dangerous sorceress and her enchanted bear. Fitting your description exactly, and here we are. Among the dead soldiers you’ve been claimed to murder.”
Scoffing you curtly fold your arms over your chest, “I hardly see a problem here when these fuckers have slaughtered countless innocents! They’re marching for the north and I do not doubt they’ll get it if people like me don’t try and lessen their numbers.”
He looks to the ground then back up to you, letting out a low frustrated sigh, “Your beast has killed villagers. Innocents.” His words are almost a slap in the face, but you know those people only got in the way of taking down these soldiers.
“Yes.” You nod, watching as he studies your face, “And it is a tragedy that I am greatly sorry for...but my companion is still an animal with his own will even when I give him a task. A bear is a bear, Witcher.”
He hums, “I understand that. But I cannot let you kill anyone else.”
Taking a single step back you quickly unfold your arms, alerting the Witcher to raise his sword though you show no intention of fighting him. His grey brows furrow as you shake your head, “You’re better off leaving us be. Those soldiers deserved what they got coming to them, and the people of this continent will thank us in due time. For they do not know the wrath and ruin that Nilfgaard is capable of.”
He watches as you take a couple more steps backwards towards the pine trees, your face serious and unflinching even when he takes a few steps towards you. “I kill monsters, witch. You’re no different.”
Now this does anger you, for that your eyes almost appear to darken with rage, your posture taller as you stare him down, “You are nothing but a blind fool who cannot see the bigger picture! So I won’t feel very bad about this..”
“About what?”
He watches as you take a step to the side, ignoring him when suddenly without warning does a ginormous brown bear charge from out of the evergreens, teeth and claws at the ready as they swing for his throat.
Geralt just barely dodges the huge furry bastard when a blundering paw races down for his arm, he twists away and out of the bears reach though his sword does catch the thick black pad of the bears left paw. It roars in pain, face a mask of rage as it turns towards Geralt with lighting reflexes.
Suddenly the bear swings a heavy paw directly into Geralt’s leather armored chest, knocking the wind out of him while also managing to thrust him blindly into a thick oak tree. All that the Witcher can glimpse before slipping into blissful unconsciousness is the wounded beast retreating into the woods while your silhouetted form begins walking towards him.
Then darkness.
——
When Geralt comes to he’s distressed to find his armor gone and his torso bare except for a thick white bandage wrapped around his shoulder and chest where the bear swatted at him with its large paw. The fabric is oddly soft, though a slight pink uneven line has seeped out now visible across his breasts, no doubt the area where that bear had gotten him. 
His big golden irises blink hard, focusing better now to unexpectedly find your smirking face as you walk into view, “Have a pleasant rest?” You muse, sitting down in a soft cushioned chair at his bedside, “My old friend gave you a run for your coin huh?”
Well this is odd, he thinks.
His brows furrow even deeper, though his chest hurts too much to attempt an escape, “I would have imagined you were going to kill me. I don’t understand...”
Chuckling lightly you smile, “Remember Witcher, I have no quarrel with you. Just those fucking soldiers....and don’t worry, my companion will not bring you any more harm unless I see to it.”
“Well...uh...I guess that’s good then.” Mutters the Witcher, begrudgingly scooting himself up so that he may rest against the wooden headboard and have a better view of the small room, “Where exactly are we?”
Looking around the cozy cabin you’ve decided to inhabit for the time being, your eyes finally rest back on the curious silver haired man, “Somewhere that was once vacant and now is livable. That is all I will say, and all that matters to you now....so, my pursuer who’d see me dead if not for my cleverness. If you are going to be in my care for however long it takes you to heal, what is your name?” You watch as the Witcher purses his lips together, pausing for a moment to think if he should tell you, “Geralt. Geralt of Rivia.” He reveals in that titular gruff voice of his that’s honestly starting to grow on you even in the brief time you’ve known him.
Handing him a small smile of acknowledgement, you nod, “And I am Y/N of Stygga in the land of Ebbing which is north of Nilfgaard...so, Geralt of Rivia....what brings you to Thurn of all places and into my care? Besides the fact that my companion almost ended your pretty life.” You end with a wiggle of your brow.
“Coin.” He mutters humorously, so he is not just a man of silent beautifully chiseled stone after all.
You hum, “Simple and straight to the point, are all Witcher’s as intriguing as you are?”
Geralt blinks slowly, deciding to rest his head against the wood as he looks forward, “Perhaps only the ones who want to survive.”
Laughing you lean back in your seat, “Flattery and humor may yet keep you alive then. But you are mistaken with me, I do not intend to keep you as a prisoner in any way if that’s what you are meaning. You are free to go back to wherever you came from or to wherever you’re going....as I said, I have no quarrel with you. Witcher.” You speak his name with a bit of attitude considering he did originally come to kill you, nonetheless you quite enjoy his presence.
The look he gives you is enough to make you chuckle once more, then his eyes glance back to you, causing your laughter to die down, though he’s surprised that your smile has prevailed. “Then why have you kept me alive when you could have ended me just as quickly?” He wonders.
You shrug, “The world is scarce of such creatures like yourself, Witcher’s hmm...monster hunters. Others will need you, and this world is big after all and full of terrible things.” You add, hugging your cloak tighter as you tilt your head at him, “so I’d assume after you heal up you’ll leave me and my companion be as long as I agree to keep away from towns. Yes.”
“Hmm.” He utters, brows furrowed as he thinks over your offer. 
The Witcher keeps silent as his face shifts into deep thought, huffing you roll your eyes, “Geralt are free to leave if you so choose. I give you my word if you give me yours.”
“Which is?”
“You let me and my familiar leave in peace and we let you live.”
He studies your face for a moment, trying to find any signs of falseness though he fails to spot it, “Fine.” Grumbles the handsome silver haired man.
You smile in accomplishment before a slightly awkward silence fills the room, deciding to break the tension you tap the arm of your chair, “Are you going to leave then? Right now?”
He keeps silent for some time as you patiently await his answer until finally he looks into your eyes, “No.”
“Huh.” You slowly nod, not quite expecting that answer, “...are you thirsty then? You were out for some time.”
“Yes.” Answers Geralt, simple and straight to the point.
Smiling you nod, standing now to fetch your new friend some water from outside, once you return with a metal cup do you hand him the cold liquid, his warm hand just barley touching yours. Sending shivers down your spine that you didn’t know was possible as you go back to sit next to him. “Those wounds should heal soon enough, I’ve heard Witcher’s heal fast. Is there any truth to that?”
His golden eyes trail over to you, not a hint of annoyance in the way that he looks to you now, “It would seem so. Hopefully I never have another run in with your friend anytime soon. Though I wouldn’t mind running into you again, hopefully under less bloody circumstances.” Admits Geralt with the ghost of a smile.
You chuckle, “As would I.”
——
In the following days would you and Geralt find comfort in one another’s presence as you helped him heal from his wounds. This Witcher had told you numerous stories about his adventures all over the continent and what beasts have been slain by his hand and sharp silver.
They were undoubtedly fascinating though surprisingly full of such vigor and even respect for the ones he’s been given coin to kill. It was pleasant when he spoke of all those who he had prevented from meeting an untimely and violent end from said monsters.
Even more so bewildering to you was how invested and intrigued you had become with each passing day, you actually woke up excited to see someone, to hear their voice and have them ask how your morning was.
Unbeknownst to you, Geralt had healed two days ago but had come to the fascinating conclusion that he was in-fact enjoying your company more then first realized. He loves listening to you boast about all the clever tricks you’ve pulled on the Nilfgaardians and how you’ve kept them away from the villagers who would most like want nothing to do with them.
Maybe it is the palpable truth that he has been indeed a bit lonely, or maybe it’s just that you tell the best stories and are unlike anyone he’s ever met before. But Geralt has begun to grow a deep fondness for you that cannot be fully explained by himself no matter how hard he may try.
Though at first he found you beautiful enough, that wasn’t a large concern considering he was there to kill you. Then once all was revealed he decided you really aren’t as evil and malevolent as what was spoken to him by the townsfolk.
Now, he has seen you, heard your voice and been given a kindness that he knows is something he shouldn’t deserve. But he cannot fully know if you share the same growing feelings, why would you? He came to kill, he came to end your beautiful life and for what, gold? No, you mean something now, you are someone to him now, a person that he can’t help but care for. And maybe even love, that is if he knew what that truly felt like, is this it?
But what of you?
You’d be a filthy liar if you said this Witcher didn’t tug at your heart strings like he does so freely without even knowing it. He has wonderfully taken you off guard with his hidden tenderness and rough voice that you’ve decided is one of the most alluring sounds you’ve ever heard.
His eyes catch in the light like two shimmering golden coins, the way he asks you for a drink or a piece of bread sends electricity through you. How pathetic, you think, however it is rather nice. And most of all, his body is truly something else, you’ve never seen a man so toned and full of scars. How lucky you were to take his shirt off and keep his wounds from bleeding out, and in those hours after, he looked rather peaceful as he slept.
If only you could have joined him, felt his touch, been the one who he wanted more then the bread you’ve given him. But he is just a Witcher, he will leave and life will presume as it had been before either of you had met. He’ll become just another lost tragedy of your past, another loved one gone, never to be seen again.
He is just a Witcher you fool.
You frown now, your gaze focused on the small hearth as you sit by the fire, poking it with a metal stick as your thoughts drift to better days long gone, taken so suddenly and without so much as a sorry from who did it.
“Y/N.”
Your eyes stare vacantly into the beautifully glowing embers, you hear nothing but the sparks of flame crackling on wood.
“Y/N.”
A whisper perhaps, you can’t tell, you’re so lost into your own head at this point nothing but the fire matters to you.
Without warning a gentle hand is placed on your shoulder causing you to jump and drop the metal stick onto the stone fireplace with a loud clatter. Your eyes dart for the one who touches you as your heart beats heavily inside your chest.
Instead of a petty thief come to slay you, is the soft comforting eyes of Geralt, “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Apologizes the Witcher as he sits down next to you, offering half of his huge warm blanket.
You oblige without a second thought and let him drape it over your back while he then scoots closer so that your crossed knee is touching his. You give him the flash of a sad smile before drifting your dreary gaze back to the glowing hearth.
“Thank you for sharing, winter is cold after all and this cabin isn’t the most insulated of places.” You add, a low drone in your voice much unlike your usual lively self that he’s grown to love.
Furrowing his grey brows, Geralt studies your half illuminated face in the firelight, the only real source of light since the sun has gone down hours ago. “I figured you needed the company, and a blanket. I can almost of see my breath.” He says with a small chuckle though you barley acknowledge his very presence.
“Y/N?” He whispers, nudging your leg with his, “I haven’t spoken of it before but if I may ask, what happened to your hand?”
You look down to your left hand opposite of where Geralt is sitting, you hide it from the light though it is covered with a white cloth and your long sleeves. He is very observant isn’t he?
“Nothing important. I got it when fighting those damn soldiers before I saw you. It’s almost all healed up.” You whisper, “No need to think about it anymore.”
The room stays silent for another couple minutes before he finally speaks once again in that low gruff voice of his, “What troubles you?” He asks much to your surprise, maybe he is too observant for his own good.
“Many things.” You mutter quietly, turning your face to find his concerned gaze, a small smile on your lips to lessen his doubts, “Don’t worry my dear Witcher, you’re not one of them. And I’d rather not give you my burdens, they are not a fun little adventure like the ones you’ve told me about.”
“Neither are all of mine.” He speaks truthfully, staring deep into your saddened eyes, “I would be honored to comfort you of such miseries if you still want me near after.”
You look to the floor, biting your lip at this almost intimate news even if he only means to speak words of ease to you. Why not? What is there to lose if you tell him why you feel so full of melancholy.
Raising your eyes back up to his, you take a deep heavy sigh before looking back into the fire, “I had a good life. I really did, I had a mother and a brother. But that was all taken from me when those bastards plundered and beat their way into my peoples lands. Looting and killing as they went, what could I do huh...my family was in their way.” You admit with a hidden rage that just about causes the flames to glow brighter.
“They came into our village and began to burn everything they could, they ran into houses and stole away valuables untouched by the desolation yet. They took and killed my neighbors and friends, women and children, screaming infants.”
You pause for a moment, eyes welled up with unshed tears as you find your voice, “They burst through our door and pulled us three from our house before we could even react. Then those fuckers killed the only person who ever showed me true kindness and love, she didn’t deserve to die that way Geralt, she didn’t. Then again none of them did.”
“I can’t imagine.” Whispers Geralt sincerely, understanding how much it pains you to speak of your mother like this.
“For that,” You seethe out darkly, “I killed my first soldier that day, but of course they didn’t like that, not at all. Soon they held me down and beat me bloody like I was a fucking dog, if it wasn’t for my brother who stopped them. I’d be dead, he saved my life that day, helped me escape and I never looked back.” You swallow thickly as a lone tear slides down your cheek, “I haven’t seen him since, and I dare not think of how he met his end. It just fills me with rage and then...as you can see, I get like this.”
“Best not to linger in the darkness for too long.” Admits Geralt, his eyes truthful and honest as he takes you all in, “I wouldn’t want to lose you.”
Breaking out into a crooked smile you blink more tears away as he moves an inch closer, “I already feel gone some days. I’m not a good person Geralt, I’m dangerous.” Your voice his raspy and soft now as the feel of the room appears to take a shift somewhere you’re not so sure of. Dangerous? Y/N he has no idea.
The Witcher’s lips curl into a pleasant smile as his face keeps mere inches from your own, “I like dangerous.” Whispers Geralt before his plush lips pull you into a new world of warmth and fire. He moves against your mouth, taking his time as the two of you find a comfortable rhythm. Well, this is nice.
He tastes as sweet as the apples you gave him for dinner and all the better to draw you away from your darkness as he showers you in his intoxicating light. You can’t believe how gentle and passionate he feels against you now and it’s only his lips!
You could stay like this forever but soon enough he pulls away, resting a calloused hand against your knee, “Forgive me I should have asked.”
“Don’t be a fool, I was thinking it too. And anyways you kept your word.”
“Did I?” Wonders Geralt, brows furrowed in confusion.
You smirk, “Remember? You said you’d comfort me of my miseries? Are you still planning on doing that...just a simple question really you don’t have to look so lost.”
Breaking out of his frumpled gaze he finally gives you a handsome smile, “How could I forget?”
“Well it was pretty traumatic so.” You deadpan with a dark humored snort before Geralt leans in to capture your lips once more.
The next morning you wake from the warm comfort of the cabins large single bed, an equally as warm arm covering half your face as you feel a large body pressed firmly against your side. Your hair lays free and unkept around your face as well, and you already know your naked underneath this soft blanket and snoozing man next to you.
His breaths are slow as he stirs in his slumber, pulling you in even closer as his arm now finds itself against your one free breast. You giggle quietly at the situation, how awkward it would be if someone was to burst forth from those doors and find you both in the nude like this. Ha, let them try.
Apparently you’re not as subtle as you’d thought, Geralt awakens before sucking in a deep breath as he stirs slightly, suddenly freezing in place once he realizes his hand is practically squeezing your boob.
You chuckle, moving your hand to keep it there, “You’re surprisingly a cuddlier, who would have thought?” You jest humorously.
“Uh....yes.” Mutters Geralt awkwardly as you smile, though he can’t see it.
Noticing his change of behavior you realize he doesn’t really know what to do about your boldness so you help him out by shifting yourself to face him. “With how well you were treating me last night I would have thought my breast would feel quite nice in your hand. Have I misinterpreted?”
He smiles, a small dusting of pink finding its way onto his chiseled features, “I find it important to respect you first Y/N, this is still...new.”
Biting your lip you lean in close to place a gentle kiss against his soft lips, “I enjoy your touch, you’re something that I believe I’ve been missing for a long while. Maybe we were meant to find each other and you not kill me.”
He chuckles a sweet sound that fills you with pure joy, “And you to heal me, I don’t feel much pain anymore.”
You smirk, rolling your eyes as you graze your hand down his face and arm, “I healed you enough about six days ago, I know you were just milking it since.”
“No I wasn’t...”
“Oh shut it, I think it was a clever idea to get in my pants if that was your plan.”
He fake scoffs, “That wasn’t the plan Y/N.”
“Then what was the plan? Oh wait,” You move yourself even closer to him, lips just barely touching, “Witcher’s don’t have plans, they just flatter and hope for the best.”
His strong arm holds you close as you rest your hand on his shoulder, “Maybe so.” Whispers Geralt before pressing his lips to yours.
Soon enough you find yourself pinned down to the bed, a very hot and visibly happy Geralt deep inside you as you try and keep yourself from screaming to loud. You can’t help how big and beautiful and so very large he is, and anyways he looks like a man on the edge of paradise. Who are you to deprive your new lover of his high?
Geralt does admittedly feel blessed against you if you’re being completely honest, the way he thrusts deeply into your womanhood like a man deprived of such pleasantries, or maybe the way your name falls onto his sweet lips when he feels his weakest. You can’t tell for sure, but he may be in love with just as much as you are with him and that is a promising thought. Or is it?
With an almost whiny moan do you finally come, the pleasure built up after such a ride releasing at long last. Sending a wave of euphoria throughout your entire vessel causing your slick walls to clench around Geralt’s hard cock as he continues to relentlessly pump into you.
Soon you can feel a hot warmness pooling into you as your Witcher grunts in satisfaction while his length twitches inside you, painting your walls with his seed like the skilled artist that he is.
Hovering just above your sweaty and very naked form does he smile kindly before leaning down to capture your swollen lips with his own. He bucks his hips into you a couple times more as he enjoys the feeling of making you squirm underneath him. Completely surrendering all that you are to him, though he’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t doing the same with you.
Laying flush against you, his body still between your sore legs he pulls away from your pouting lips to lean his arms against your face. Soon another kiss is stolen, then another and another as he gently presses his lips to your cheek. Then jaw, where he decides to stay and attack for awhile which causes you to chuckle at his adorable-ness. 
“You need new clothes.” You practically moan as he playfully bites your jaw, kissing that spot just as quickly.
“It’s warm in here.” Mutters Geralt against your hot skin, “Nothing is as interesting as you.”
You bite back another moan, “We need food.”
He smirks against your neck, rolling his hips to try and sway your mind, “But you’re delicious enough Y/N.” Oh this man.
Breathing heavily you do your best to fight off your growing arousal, “Geralt.” You warn through clenched teeth, hands leaving red marks down his back as you playfully threaten him.
He kisses your cheek once more as a sly hand squeezes your firm breast, “Fine. Let me make love to you first then we can go.” States Geralt against your lips as he suddenly gives you three deep slow thrusts that send you into another realm of pleasure.
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A/N: Sorry not sorry about the length.
Main Masterlist
Pairing: Chubby! Thor x Reader
Warnings: 18+ Smut, a little angst, but so much fluff!
Word count: 1900ish
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.
The events of the snap had affected everyone. Some more severely than the others. Millions had lost families, some mourned the loss of those who sacrificed their lives in the battle, others simply dusted away into oblivion with no signs of returning.
Your ex demi-God boyfriend took it the hardest. His downfall had begun when he took the entire blame of failing to stop the Mad Titan during the battle of Wakanda. His family, his support system was lost long before but he’d still managed to look at the bright side. It was you that he held onto when the times were tough.
Thanos wiped out half of the population along with every last strand of hope Thor had left to believe in himself. After that, he had pushed everyone away, wallowed in self-pity no matter how much he denied and pretended he was just taking a break. He pushed you away too, now that there wasn’t a point to anything he thought it best to set you free, free from the pain he’d put you through over the years, free to lead your life without him.
There came a time when Thor had been down in the dumps, drinking & wasting his life away, you received a call from Brunnhilde from New Asgard, asking for help.
As heart-broken as you were, there was still a part of you that cared about Thor, the part that loved him without knowing his whereabouts before the call, the part that made your hopeless heart beat a little faster every time there was some news regarding your fellow Avengers, or a knock on your door. That part in you made you book a plane ticket to Norway in search of your Thunder God.
.
New Asgard was beautiful, brave Asgardians had rebuilt their lives after losing their home planet. Upon meeting Valkyrie, you learnt that there was a brawl in the local pub initiated by none other than the person who’d come looking for. The damage was severe given the reason for the fight. He’d been denied more alcohol that led to several tables being destroyed and the owner of the pub sporting several bruises to his face.
“He’s not our King, not anymore.”
“That man has lost his way, who wants that in a leader?”
The Asgardians held more anger towards their King that you’d ever known. You understood their side, you did but, you also knew what made him act the way he did. And you had made up your mind to fix it.
The walk to Thor’s cottage was short, the door was left ajar & your nostrils were filled with a stench of old beer and something vile as you entered.
The place was a mess to say the least, old take-out boxes strewn about, clothes and shoes that hid furniture pieces under them, the Stormbreaker resting against the fireplace. There was a groan from upstairs indicating the location of the Asgardian God.
“Are you here with my barrels?” He called out, speech slurred and muffled as it reached you.
“No actually I’m here to restore a former King who has lost his way.”
Your voice made him freeze, he hadn’t heard you in two years, a voice that once filled his heart with joy and love, and the face that once made him so happy. As you pushed the bedroom door open, you saw his eyes meet yours for a second before he turned away to stare out the window.
“Why are you here? I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”
It broke your heart to see his eyes not light up the way they used to upon seeing you, it pained you that he didn’t reach to pull you in his arms and spin you around like he used to.
“I think you do. The old Thor would be delighted to see me, he would make sure the world would melt away when he’d kiss me, the old Thor w—”
“The old Thor is dead. If you came looking for him, I’m sorry but he is long gone.” He replied harshly, still not facing you as he shoulders sagged and you heard him sniffle after some moments of silence.
You stepped closer and cautiously placed a hand on his shoulder coaxing him to look at you. He moved but his eyes were downcast before you grabbed his face in your hands and were met with his mismatched eyes swimming with unshed tears, once well groomed face now a scruffy mess of overgrown beard and unkempt blonde locks.
“Don’t you ever tell me that the old Thor is dead. I know he’s still in there, he’s just hiding beneath this defensive, hurt, slightly sloppy exterior.”
He gave you a watery chuckle, before wiping his nose on the sleeve of his sweater. You took his hand and led him to the bathroom where you began filling water in the bathtub.
“I have missed you (Y/N).” Thor spoke as followed you back out where you removed your jacket.
“I know.” You nodded towards his bedside table that held a picture of you and him taken by Natasha back at the compound when you had fallen asleep on top of him after a mission on the couch. You remembered wondering who had stolen your copy after you thought you misplaced it years ago.
Thor remained clothed as the water filled the tub, eyes downcast again.
“I’m not how I used to be.”
“It doesn’t bother me.”
Giving him a reassuring smile, you helped him undress, noticing how self-conscious this man got. You thought of something he’d done when you had your moments of insecurity back when you started dating the Avenger.
Closing the bathroom door, you undressed as well, revealing your curves, battle scars and everything Thor was once so familiar with and had made you believe just how beautiful you were. Now it was your turn to do the same for him.
“What are you doing? Y-you don’t have to—”
“I’m reminding you how secure and loved you made me feel when I was having trouble believing it for myself.”
“You have always been beautiful to me. You always will be.” He said with such surety, almost proudly as if there wasn’t a breakup that had left you both miserable.
You made Thor sit in the tub with his head leaned back for you to clean and he obliged, holding onto your hand the entire time in case he’d been dreaming this entire time & that you would vanish into thin air.
A soft kiss to his forehead later you began working your fingers through his hair, trying to get all the accumulated dirt out. It wasn’t long before Thor’s breath became uneven and he held back tears once more.
“Thor it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’ve let you down. I’ve let everyone down. I failed at protecting everyone from him.”
“You didn’t fail Thor and you certainly didn’t let anyone down. You’ve lost more than any one of us can ever imagine, you were grieving. You are allowed to grieve. You know what this means. You’re just like the rest of us.”
“But I’m not supposed to be like the rest of you.” He sniffed, holding onto your arms as dry heaves racked his large frame.
“Everyone fails at who they’re supposed to be Thor. It’s okay to mourn, it’s not okay to let yourself be lost in that feeling forever. You lost all of your family but you kept fighting didn’t you? Well the fight’s not over just because he won. We fight everyday, some days harder than others, no matter how difficult it may seem because we owe it to the people we lost.”
You kept rubbing his back while he calmed down, pressing as many kisses to the side of head as you could given the awkward position you were in.
“You were my family (Y/N) and I pushed you away. You didn’t deserve it a-and I’m so so—”
“I don’t blame you, I never did. I still love you Thor, very much. Nothing will ever change that.” You smiled, touching your forehead to his.
“I love you too my beautiful dove.”
He pressed his lips to yours, the kiss a little different from the ones you were used to. He tasted of beer but it didn’t matter, it was still your beloved God of Thunder. The kiss turned hungry when his hands went to the back of your neck to pull you closer while the other went around your naked back, coaxing you into the tub.
Water splashed about and spilled over as you stepped in, straddling his lap before resuming, this time your tongue ran along his bristly lip, biting softly, relishing in the feeling of him again after such a long time.
Thor moved on to pepper your jaw and neck with hurried kisses while his hands roamed over your body, having missed feeling your skin against his, the way your body moulded perfectly against him. He had missed the way you shuddered as his teeth grazed the junction between your neck and shoulder, the way you moaned when he marked a spot there, claiming you as his. He missed the way your breasts felt against his palm, the way your nipples hardened under his touch.
“I’ve missed you so much.”
Thor mumbled between wet kisses against your chest while you pushed his face closer with your hands, wanting to feel as much of him as possible against your skin, a loud gasp emitting from your lips when he rolled his tongue around your nipple before sucking.
Your hips slid against his crotch, desperate for more friction, his shaft rubbing against your folds earning a groan from Thor who suddenly moved your hips, angling you to hover over his erect cock before slowly letting you sink down on him.
The stretch stung a little given how long it had been, though your warmth welcomed him as you held him close, that familiar feeling of being one with Thor returning after a long gap. He buried his face in your neck, soft hands holding your back securely, leaving no space between your bodies as the only sound echoed in the room was of warm water lapping against the sides of the tub and your mingled breaths.
“My love...”
“I’m here.”
You rolled your hips slowly, savouring the feeling of him snug inside you before the need to chase your releases became vital and you both moved in tandem before your end washed over, leaving you writhing in pleasure in Thor’s arms while he held you. Your orgasm triggered his own as he grabbed your hips and began thrusting into you, sending new waves of pleasure coursing through your system.
A few moments after returning to your senses, you realised the water had gone cold & it was time to get out before your skin started pruning but neither of you made any effort of doing so.
“Thank you love.”
“For what?”
“Saving me.”
“You would’ve done it for me.”
“We have to get out some time you know.” You chuckled, lazily drawing patterns on his soft back while he placed kisses repeatedly on your shoulder.
“I’m not letting you go anytime soon.”
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wordynerdygurl · 3 years
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Skin Deep - Part 6
Author’s Note:  Honestly, this story is nearing it’s ending.  Hard to believe that a little idea I couldn’t shake has now grown into this mini-series!  For all my die-hard homies, waiting for the next installment, I hope this is worth your while!  If you’re new here, take a look around, see if you like anything and please, let the management know if you have any questions!! As always, writing like this requires the emotional support of people and pets.  My dogs, Murphy and Winston, get me through a lot of plot bunnies just by being stalwart companions.  My husband, graciously, lets me take these flights of fancy when I probably should be paying better attention to him and his day... and some of my besties here on Tumblr make it possible for me to do this for you guys.  @sammy-jo1977​ , my sister from another mister!  Couldn’t/ Wouldn’t do it without you! To all the folks who follow me... My Minxes!  Love you all!  Stay well, be kind, and remember that Love, really does conquer all!  If you want to be a Minx, send me a note, I’ll happily add you to my tag list! Lastly, be sure to like and share anything that you see on Tumblr that catches your eye.  Creative types, we need the constant validation, you see?  Without it, like an unwatered plant, we wither on the vine and perish!  Be kind to those who help you through the day and reblog! Skin Deep Part 5 - click here for the previous chapter! Pairing:  Loki x Reader, Steve, Valkyrie & Thor all make appearances Summary:  Continued from Part 5, You and Loki put your plan into action, returning to Farmhouse.  When you encounter Steve again, you learn there’s more than two sides to this story. Warnings:  Loki’s POV and perspective, including mentions of his time under Thanos.  I’m re-writing MCU history here, but some of the main beats are the same, so look out for SPOILERS for Dark World, Ragnarok, and a touch of Infinity War.  The SNAP never happened because, reasons.  
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Empathy used to seem such a human emotion.  Loki had no time for that on Asgard, not when Odin denied anything as frivolous as feeling.  Hiding in plain sight was the means to survival and if that made the young prince sneaky and sly, so be it.  By placing those parts of himself under lock and key; the parts that hurt, the ones that ached, Loki found it was safer to disconnect from others than subject himself to their suffering too.
Operating under the influence of Thanos and his minions when he held the scepter, Loki had purposefully divorced connection of any kind from his mind.  It was dangerous.  Weak.  And moreover, it allowed Loki to do what Thanos commanded without really experiencing the horror, the havoc, of his actions for himself. 
  Who could hear the screams of women when the voice of Ebony Maw subliminally chanted all the ways that one could be dismembered at Thanos’ hands should Loki fail?  What man would shed a tear after the near constant beatings doled out by Black Order members, just for the fun of it?  How could someone care about a house, a car, a city, when they no longer cared about themself? Losing the Battle for New York had consequences far beyond the destruction of property.  With Thanos’ hold over him vanquished, the walls around his heart, constructed in youth, crashed and burned like the dream of ruling Earth.  Suddenly and completely out of reserves, Loki was powerless.  And he felt everything.  The fresh hurts caused by his manipulated ambitions in the hands of Thanos. The furious feelings of his brother, the inadequacies of his character, the feeble needs that drove his wild ambition washed over him unceasingly.  Anger.  Loss.  Lunacy.  Loki learned a hard truth in that moment.  He was a monster.  A freak.  A creature beyond hope and salvation; proving his adoptive father right and his own hopeful heart wrong.  Bitterness soured the fallen prince. Endless hours in isolation on Earth, which continued in his father's house, had Loki believing he had no chance of seeing the world outside again, and it hardened his heart further.  To feel was so painful, so raw, and so humane.  Why bother anyway?  All that emoting, those high spirits, all they really did was expose you to derision.  What was grief to a goblin?  What was horror to a monster?  What was love to a villain like him?  An evil, conspiring demi-god, with a mind bent toward domination.  A damaged, destroyed, deity alone and in pieces.  Who would ever give someone like Loki Odinson a chance?  Why should they?
Turning to his mother, Loki did everything but ask for forgiveness.  In long rambling talks, her projection to his jailed person, the pair talked around ideas of guilt and innocence, of fate and fortune, of destiny versus desire, yet Loki never heard the words he needed in order to truly find peace.   
If Frigga was aware of her son’s need for absolution, Loki would never know, as their last exchange was harsh and full of anger.  Another stroke of loss, crippling now, because there was nothing Loki could do to change any of it from inside his prison cell.  No illusion could conceal the painful ache that consumed him entirely. 
Those days were dark, even for a soul as dusky hued as his own, and Loki’s thoughts followed a similar path.  If there had been a way for him to shake off this immortal coil, free himself of the burden of living, Loki would have done so and been glad.  Death was welcome compared to all this longing and heartache. But life, even a nearly immortal one, was funny. 
When Thor provided a chance at redemption, Loki snatched at it, in his own detached way.  He played hero, rescuing Jane, aiding his brother.  And if he took a bit more in the form of deposing his arrogant, aging father, who would be surprised?  He was Loki, God of Mischief, after all. Ruling the Nine Realms without the oppressive oversight of his father allowed Loki to prove himself in ways he never imagined.  And Loki wasn’t just good at it.  He was great. Of course, it helped that no one knew he was Loki.  Living disguised as Odin was often unpleasant, frequently frustrating, but entirely necessary.  Being Loki was still too difficult and likely to bring unwanted attention in the form of The God of Thunder, a thing that no one truly wanted, Loki least of all. Return Thor did, along with an unknown sister and the end of Asgard.  When confronted with the insanity of Hela’s bloodlust, Loki’s only thought was of his kingdom, now without a ruler.  He had worked too hard, too long, to see the land he cared for in the hands of an enemy, even if she called herself sister.  Opening the Bi-Frost, panicked, his mind was solely on saving those he had recently held dominion over.  They were his people, after all.  But he never reached Asgard. Swallowing his fear, Loki focused all his energy on staying alive in a new and distracting environment, initially.  What Loki found on Sakaar wasn't a new home base under a flamboyant, ineffective leader that he could control, even if that was his first design.  On Sakaar Loki found his loyalty.  
The proud, deep resonance of being Asgardian, of being an Odinson, of being capable and cool under pressure.  Sure, he had to prove himself to Thor, Valkyrie, Banner and honestly, the rest of the kingdom, but actions speak louder than words.  And through his actions on Sakkar, and by extension rescuing the people of Asgard, Loki had shown everybody his true mettle. It was on the deck of a stolen ship headed for Midgard that  Loki had made a commitment of sorts.  One that was not to the people, so recently saved or for his found family.  This time, the promise Loki intended to keep was for himself.  Loki was going to change. The problem is, a task like that takes time.  Patience.  Motivation.  It was something that Loki had to work at and it was exhausting. They say that the best things come to those who wait.  Loki was learning to wait everyday.  Having earned a place at the side of his brother, he worked tirelessly to win over the heroes of his new home planet.  Was it easy?  Hardly, but Loki wasn’t willing to compromise.  Not anymore. A life like Hela’s was not in his runes.  Loki was simply going to be better.  Not perfect.  No one could be as good hearted as Captain America, nor could one be as tech savvy as Stark.  So Loki was planning on being the best Loki he could possibly be, and that’s how he found himself going to meetings at The Avengers Tower, a mostly welcome addition to the team. Meetings weren’t all that exciting and boredom was an awful temptation for a deity devoted to mayhem.  In fact, Loki spent more time doodling in his notebook than listening to whoever was droning on about whatever part of the world needed the attention of this motley crew.  That was, until Pepper Potts hired her new assistant.  That you were polite, pretty and pert wasn’t lost on the young god.  Sitting outside Mrs. Iron Man’s office, typing away with a phone tucked under your ear, moving faster than anyone he had ever seen was certainly impressive.  You were quick witted, clever and most of all, funny. Everyone else seemed to fall under your spell without much effort on your part, something that Loki found frustratingly fascinating.  Here he was, struggling to get people to say his name without having a traumatic flashback, while you simply smiled and smarted off prettily, and had everyone singing your praises.  But Norns, were you adorable. If he thought about it, and while off planet, Loki definitely had, he could remember the moment he realized that you were the woman he wanted.  You were busy, as always, fielding phone calls and flipping through screens yet every moment your flying fingers weren’t hovering over a keyboard or pushing down telephone buttons they curled around a heart shaped charm at your throat.  Clearly, it was a habit and one that you weren’t even aware of, still - it transfixed him all the same.  Watching you from his side eye, your voice never wavering, your tone always so pleasing, and your nimble digits returning again and again to the small sigil around your neck.  “Loki?” “Huh?”  Dumbfounded at your call, those deep sea eyes blinked wildly at the sound of his name on your lips. “Hi!  Yes, Pepper can see you now.  Go ahead, she’s ready!” He rose on stiff legs, adjusting his tie, about to lie to Tony Stark’s woman all for the chance to see you in passing.  Who had he become? It started out innocent like that, but soon, Loki was having to invent excuses for being in the office so frequently.  Missing files, random visits, even going so far as to buy Tony coffee just for the thrill of seeing you.  Something needed to change, and quickly, or Loki was going to blow. On another made up errand, hanging around the executive’s high rise office, Loki was doing a bad job of pretending not to see you.  His mind was on your pouty lips as you sipped lemonade through a straw and not on the stately woman seated behind the desk. 
“Loki, you’re a man of some… style.”  Pepper said it so casually that he almost didn’t hear, his head lost in thoughts that would shame any other person. “I like to think so.”
Shutting her folder with a snap, Pepper smiled, “And you’d love to help your old friend Pepper out, right?” That got his attention, and quickly.  Loki, shoving his hands in his pockets, turned to face Pepper with a widening grin, “I feel like I’m being baited.”
“Baited?  Never!  It’s just, you’re always here and I have a… project that needs the kind of help that you can provide.”  At those words you entered the office, ready for action with a notebook and pen, eager and excited. Suddenly, it was all clear to Loki, “Pepper, no.”  
The noose closed in on the handsome god as Pepper gathered paperwork without looking his way, “Come on, it’s the Stark Homecoming Gala and the two of you will do great!  I have faith in you both.  I can’t wait to see what you come up with!” “Really, Miss Potts, I simply can’t-” Stopping short, the strawberry blonde whipped around, almost nose to nose with Loki.  Shrewd and straightforward, Pepper interrupted, saying, “You’ve been dancing around my office for weeks now.  Clearly you like her and… against all the odds, she likes you too.  I’m doing you a favor and when someone does you a favor, you say “Thank You”.” “Thank you.” Nodding curtly, “You’re welcome.  Now, make yourselves comfortable, order some dinner, my treat.  And do whatever you need to make sure this is one great party!” That’s how Loki found himself sitting at a clear glass table over sweating bottles of iced tea as you discussed color themes and tablecloths.  You were shy, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you reviewed notes from previous gatherings both large and small.  His hands itched with wanting to do that job himself. “So, what do you think?”  It was the first time you had addressed him directly since coming through the door and for a moment Loki couldn’t answer.  You were too… not beautiful, that wasn’t the right word, although you were.  No, you were too open, too easy to read, and the earnestness you offered him was downright frightening. Sitting forward in the uncomfortable, yet fashionable, office furniture, Loki cleared his throat and again tugged his tie, “What I think is that you should let me take you dinner.” Dropping your eyes, your cheeks colored slightly as your fingers found that locket charm once more, “Loki, I… I don’t know-” Grabbing for your hand, suddenly afraid that you would take those shining eyes away, Loki lowered his voice and did something he never thought he would.  He begged.  “Please?  I find that you’re all I can think about.” It rushed out of him in a torrent, the way truth so often does, and he found himself unable to look you in the eye.  Loki was afraid to see rejection on your easy to read face, afraid that wanting you had cracked open the lock box holding his heart, afraid that you would see just how weak you made him.  Your fingers twined with his own as you replied, “You didn’t let me finish.  I don’t know what took you so long.” Sighing with relief, his face melting into a genuine smile, “Me either.” Over the next two months the pair of you worked tirelessly to plan and execute a perfect party.  You were inseparable during the day, heads buried together as you discussed linens and table settings, the quality of cocktail glasses, and debating over a band or a dj.  But at night, at night Loki talked about the things that haunted him in the dark.  And you loved him in spite of the awful things he had seen and done and said. Others took notice.  Loki was more lighthearted, more available.  He listened when people spoke and wasn’t constantly doodling during meetings.   Yes, Loki was learning how to love through your loving him.  If empathy had seemed too humane before, then sharing his life, his love with you, was the kind of immortality that earned someone a place in Valhalla.  It was the bravest thing Loki Odinson had ever done and he didn’t mind one bit.
The first time Loki tasted you was burned into his brain, as bright as a flash of lightning.  A firefly in a memory jar that he kept returning to, time and again.  Loki remembered what you were wearing.  He recalled exactly how the light shone in your eyes.  If he concentrated, he could tap out the rhythm of your racing pulse as he held you in his arms. It was the night of the gala.  Inviting everyone under the Stark Industries banner, up to and including the heroes tasked with saving the world, the event was a way to earn money for one of the many charities Tony supported.  The place was full of beautiful people wearing gorgeous clothes under perfect lights set to the hand crafted soundtrack you had created together.
But, Norns, he could still remember the way your eyes sparkled under the lowlights of that hall.  How your dress, simple but sophisticated, clung to the fullness of your bottom.  Low cut but somehow still modest, Loki couldn’t tear his gaze away from the promise of your curves, willing himself to find anything else as interesting as the idea of you.  
You were across the room hanging onto Tony’s every word, eyes bright and cheerfully glowing as you sipped champagne.  It made Loki want to do something grand, something suave, something that would demand your attention for his own.  Moving towards you, his tuxedo perfectly pressed and fitting better than it had any right to, Loki looked long and lean.  Each of his steps seemed to echo, even though the room was full of sound, and you turned your head as if you also heard.  Breaking away from the cluster of acolytes surrounding Iron Man, you bit into your lip as the crowd parted, moving closer together one step at a time.  It was one of the sexiest things Loki had ever witnessed. Lifting your glass in a toast, taking in the room of mingling millionaires, wealthy hangers on and Avengers, “Well, we did it!” “You did it, my dove, I just hung around and judged everyone.” “Oh stop.  I couldn’t have done it without you and you know it.”  Playfully you pushed against his shoulder and Loki took advantage, using your momentum to pull you to his side, your curvy figure flush against his own. Crooning into the shell of your ear, his lips brushing over that sensitive skin, “Somehow, love, I think you would have managed.”  Before you had time to think, Loki had melded his mouth with your own, stealing your breath along with your heart.  Loki’s feet moved in time with the music as he pulled into a dance, laughing in his arms, your cheeks hot and your head swimming. You laughing was, without question, Loki’s favorite sound.  Nothing in this world or any other came close to matching the joyful, childlike glee of that enchanting noise.  Loki memorized its melody, the rise and fall of your giggle.  He had craved it, being away for so long, and now he wanted… no, needed to hear it.  But you were the furthest thing from happy at the moment.   
"Darling, please.  We have to go."  Loki tapped his watch, shaking himself free from the memories of your previous life together and barely suppressing his irritation.
Tears filled your eyes as you whipped your arms around Thor’s mighty shoulders, his deep voice grumbly with emotion, "Take care of him, would you?  He's a jerk, but Loki is the only brother I have."
"Of course… always.  And Valkyrie, your highness, I can’t thank you enough for-"
"No need.  Loki, and by extension yourself, will always have a safe haven here in my palace."
Looking on, Loki and Thor embraced almost tenderly before crashing their heads together.  
"Stay safe, little brother."
"Be good, Thor."
Eyes on the sky, Val ignored the show of masculine emotion, chastising your plan, "You’re going to start a war, Loki."
Straight backed, Loki turned to the king, "Not on the grass of New Asgard.  I will take the fight to them, that is my vow to you."
As Loki offered his hand, Valkyrie shook it, with parting words, "Work on staying alive.  You have a tendency to worry your brother."
Solemnly nodding, "As the king commands.  Shall we?"  With that Loki laced his fingers with yours, leading you a few paces away from the people who loved him most, before summoning the magic that had you both transcending space and time.
This time when your feet touched down it was on the familiar turf of the orchard, surrounded by the scent of apple blossoms and the buzzing of happy bees.  Morning had broken and the world seemed full of promise, with the exception of that knot in your stomach.
"Are you ready?  Darling?"
"Oh… yes.  I mean, I still don't love this plan, but-"
"But it's going to work."  Only it was no longer the baritone voice of your long, lean Loki speaking.  In his place stood Nick Fury, leather duster and eye patch in place.
"If you say so!"  And you clutched your own throat as Natasha’s bored tones came out of your mouth.  The suit, skin tight but flexible, molded to your modified form.  All in all, you were comfortable, "The boots are a bit much."
"Ya think?  This jacket weighs a ton."  Pulling at his collar, "Why does he wear a turtleneck anyway?"
"Loki, this is so weird.  It feels so weird."
"Agreed, but then, why am I so turned on?"
Laughing, you shook your false red hair, hands resting on Natasha’s waist, "God, I've missed you."
"Same, dearest.  Now… let's get your necklace and some answers!"
---
 Convincing Bucky to head home had taken a lot of work, but sometime around 2 am Steve had finally seen his friend off.  The house was empty.  Steve felt the same way.
Turning the black velvet box in his pocket, fingers crushed against the fragile fabric, Steve struggled to feel anger.  When that didn't materialize he shot for sadness but even tears seemed beyond his ability.  
With a sigh, climbing the same stairs he had trudged up a hundred times before, Steve started going through the motions of bedtime.  Only tonight you weren’t there to tease him about the wildly inappropriate amount of toothpaste on his brush.  He didn’t have your light footsteps to follow to the bedside or your help with stacking all of your extra, yet entirely essential, pillows on the chair.
Someone must have changed the sheets, he thought.  There was no evidence of you and Loki’s adventurous afternoon anymore.  Steve made a mental note to thank Buck for that little piece of kindness in the morning.
Shucking his shirt, Steve sat on the mattress, a hand to his forehead.  He had lost.  Captain America had been bested.  Beaten.  And by Loki, no less.
Moonlight in silver slivers shone through the window panes, squares of light in the deep of night.  Steve was alone.  Utterly and totally alone.
And there was no one to blame but himself.
Sighing hard, Steve stood, pacing the floor to work off some of the unspendable anxiety he kept creating.  The room still had your energy, your vibe, as you liked to call it, and the feeling was a prickling itch Steve couldn’t quite satisfy.  Traces of you were everywhere and something about you leaving all of it, and him, behind was just too big to process. “Damn it.”  Even whispering sounded like thunder in the silence of your recently vacated room.  His hands, so big, so strong, smoothed along the fabric of your hanging clothes.  All that power had done nothing to help Steve get the thing he wanted. Sorting through the baubles and trinkets on your dresser, bottles of perfume he had purchased, necklaces and pins, each with a moment of memory it hurt him to recall.  Your watch ticked away the minutes as he stood, stoic and still, surrounded by the shadow of you.  In the orchard the birds were waking, their song filling the air, as morning broke in low golden rays.  Abandoning his plan for sleep, Steve watched as the light chased away the dark, casting rainbows on the floor.  The sun was reflecting off of your Grandmother’s necklace.  A pretty, ancient, carved cameo,  heart shaped locket.  He recalled his own mother owning one just like it, pictures of loved ones pressed inside, holding them as tight as history would allow. Fisting the filigree chain, winding it around his fingers as if it would somehow undo what he had done, Steve slipped it into his pocket before settling back onto the bed.  ----
At the back door to the home you so recently shared with Steve, Loki hung back, “I think this is where we split up.  You go find your treasure and me… I’m going to find some answers.” Nodding, Natasha’s signature red hair swinging, you squeezed the hand holding your own.  It no longer looked like Loki’s long fingered paw, but that was only a skin deep change.  You felt the undeniable essence of him in the press of his fingers against your own. “Be careful.” “That’s no fun, dove.” “Loki-”  You hated the way your voice broke as you said it, but there just seemed to be so much at stake and you had already lost him once. Sensing your unspoken concerns, Loki flashed you Nick Fury’s best smile, “I will.  I promise.”
“Ten minutes.” “Ten minutes.”  You watched the black coated back of your charmed paramour as he opened the shed door, hoping that he’d find something worth knowing in that place out of sight.  Inhaling deeply you twisted the doorknob as quietly as possible, letting yourself into what was once your kitchen, “What a mess.”  It was impossible not to notice the unwrapped leftovers and empty bottles littering the table.  An overturned trash barrel, crumpled beer cans littering the counter, things that Steve, your Steve, would never have tolerated.  All evidence that the grand evening he’d envisioned had been thwarted by Loki’s arrival and your collective escape.  
You started up the stairs, praising Natasha's footwear for its stealth, when you heard the toilet flush and the unmistakable shuffle of Steve’s feet on the carpet.  There was no place to hide on the wide stairwell.  It was time to see if Loki's plan was going to work.
Voice blurry, eyes rubbed red and raw, you couldn't deny that Steve looked like shit, “Bucky?  That you?  You back?”  Steve’s voice bounced around the brightening room as morning sunlight filtered through the soft sheers you had picked out for exactly this reason. Panicked, you backed into the railing with an over loud “Oof!” “Nat?  What are you doing here?  I thought you and Fury were headed to New Asgard?”  Suddenly wide awake and wondering, Steve rushed to your costumed side, eager for information. The man in front of you now bore little resemblance to the angry Avenger you had escaped from hours before.  This man had hair sticking up in odd angles from near constant finger raking.  This man had a hint of a stuffy nose and red rimmed eyes, all indicators that tears had been shed.  Now those blue eyes were scrutinizing you closely, full of concern.
“Uh… We... We got intel.  Yea, intelligence, that Loki was headed back this way.  Turned around… and uh, here we are.” One of those sandy blonde eyebrows lifted, “Natasha?”
Squaring your shoulders, channeling that cool confidence you’d see Black Widow display over and over, “Steve?”  Something about your tone of voice convinced him in a way your words couldn’t.  He visibly relaxed, those broad shoulders going slack as he asked, “Didn’t make it to Norway, then?"
Nodding a negative, you felt the unfamiliar brush of her red hair at your cheek and had to fight the urge to tuck it away, “No.  Loki’s using some sort of transporting power to move them around.  Fury suggested I keep an eye out here, in case they come back this way.” “She won’t be back, Nat.  There’s nothing for her here.”  To you, Steve sounded so sad, so removed, that you had to will yourself not to comfort the giant before you.  “That’s not true!”  It came out of you forcefully, thoughtlessly, and you saw the shock register on the Captain’s face. “That is, Fury and I… we… have reason to believe that she will come back.  They left with nothing, Steve.  She’ll need clothes… maybe some shoes… and-”  Swallowing hard, you didn’t want to give anything away, “-a necklace from her grandmother.” Steve, patting his pocket, felt the weighted chain and it’s heart shaped locket, “I don’t think-” Stepping up to his bulky form, suddenly aggressive, you started, “Never mind what you think, Captain.  We're here for a necklace...  the necklace.  Our intel suggests that your former flame might return for it and… And, I want it, with me, as a means to subdue her when she arrives." Sounding forceful and official was enough to back Steve down.  Just a touch deflated, you watched him shrug, “If that’s what you want, Nat, here-”  From his pants he pulled out the shining bauble, a trinket really, but full of sentiment and memory. Sitting in his palm, the tiny heart that held the picture of your grandmother and mother looked so small, almost unreal.  Reaching for it with wet eyes, you smiled at Steve as you lifted the charm and chain, “Thank you, Steve.  Thank you.” Nodding deeply, that golden head bobbing, “You’re welcome.”  The large grandfather clock could be heard ticking throughout the house.  The sun was gaining on the day and you, dressed as Natasha stood in silence in front of a somber Steve.  For another long beat nothing was said, then, as if sensing a shift in your conversation, Steve flashed your fake Natasha a weak smile, “I could use some breakfast.  How about you?”
“Um… sure.  Yea, ok.  Breakfast.” 
Steve started moving again, downstairs towards the cluttered kitchen when he paused, "So how did you get back so fast?  Cause that's like a 7 hour flight, even with you in the cockpit." “Steve…”  You could hear it, the whining almost pleading tone that signaled the end of Loki’s well planned charade.  That wasn’t enough to stop Steve.  He broke hard, one of those strong arms stopping you in your tracks before you could reach the lower level. “It’s clever, I have to give you guys that.  Almost perfect, really.” Panic rising, you doubled down on the ruse, struggling to keep your voice even, “I don’t know-”  Blocking you in, his body the perfect unmovable buffer, “Loki’s here too, isn’t he?” Pushing against “Steve, I… I don’t…” “Don’t lie.  You don’t have to…” “But… how-?” “You’re not mean enough to play Natasha, doll.  Not by a long shot.”
--- It was strange to be seated at the table and chairs that you and Steve had picked out together one sunny Saturday when you thought that your future was going to be Loki-less.  Your place, the one that you had imagined filling with children that had golden hair and bright blue eyes, felt like a set.  Something false and fake.  A facade, put together simply for show. Steve must have felt it too because his fingers drummed against the white washed table incessantly.  Clearly he had something on his mind.  “Steve-” “No.  No.  Please, let me just get this out, ok?” Raising an eyebrow, you waved at him to continue, nervous but interested in what the super soldier needed to explain. With a shaky inhale, running his constantly moving fingers through his golden locks, Steve caught your eye and didn’t waiver.  “When I saw you… No, that’s not right.  Let me start at the beginning. “When Loki left Earth, you… you were so sad.  It hurt me to see you so… deflated.” “Steve, I-” “You know it’s true.  When he returned to Asgard, something in you, it dimmed, and I just couldn’t allow that… Not when I felt the way I did about you. “I don’t think you realize just how incredible you are… how full of life!  And since I had already missed one chance to be with you, I knew I needed to prove that I could be the man you needed… If you forgot about Loki along the way, even better. “Only… you never did.  I waited years for you, ya know, doll?  Years.  And just when I thought there was no chance with you, Nat gave me a reason to hope. “She was your friend.  An ally.  Someone you could trust… someone I could trust.  I swear it started out that innocently, at least for me.  I just wanted to make you smile again.  But she had other plans.  Plans that came from higher up the ladder of SHIELD. “Fury, he wanted us to watch you… something about Loki being too powerful.  And-”, grabbing your hand tightly, Steve emphasized his point, “-I promise you that I had no idea about his success, or the messages he had sent to you through Nick.  Like you, I thought that Loki was gone.  Missing.  Never coming back.” “I… I believe you Steve.  I know that you didn’t do all this on your own… but what was Nick hoping you’d find out?  I knew less than nothing about what was going on!” “I think he was worried that Loki would get to you first.  That if… when Loki returned, you would be his first stop.  Then you would know about Loki’s success and, frankly, Fury’s failures.  You would also know… well, everything you know now.  That Fury had you tailed, lied to, and led on in an effort to stop Loki from out flanking him.” Frenzied and frantic, you felt anger boiling up inside of you, “But I thought Loki was gone forever.  There was no hope for him and I… and Natasha, she told me that he was dead.” “All a part of Fury’s plan to keep you neutralized and Loki away.  If Loki thought that you’d ignored his letters, that you no longer loved him, why would he come back here?  And, if that didn’t work… when Loki came back and you were with me, what else could keep him on Earth?”
Whispering with realization, “So, they used you too.” Steve sighed and buried his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt, “Don’t feel bad for me.  I let them use my love for you, let them twist it up and shape it as they needed.  Honestly, I wish I could tell you that it was for you, but it wasn’t.  It was for me.  I wanted you, so, so badly.  I didn’t care what strings were attached.  And we built a life together, you and me.  I thought I could outrun the reality of the constant monitoring and daily reports.  Telling Natasha and Nick about every word and each email.  Don’t you see, I love you… and I wanted you, however I could get you.” Shaking your head, Natasha’s red wisps flying, “That’s not love, Steve.  I don’t know what that is… but love isn’t it.” “No?”  With a loud thunk, Steve slammed a small velvet box on the table between you. “Is… Is that what I think it is?”
“Last night.  It was going to happen last night.  Our friends here, under the lights and the stars, I was going to ask you to marry me.  I still would if-” Realization hit you like a ton of bricks, “If Loki hadn’t stepped back into our lives.” “-If Loki hadn’t stepped back into your life.” It made you both laugh in a sad way, how you finished the same thought, and for a fleeting second you could see why you had allowed Captain America to sweep you off your feet.  He was a lot of things to you now, but there was a time when he had been almost everything.  The evidence of that was in the small black square that said nothing but spoke volumes. “Steve, I don’t know if I would have said yes… even without Loki’s… arrival.  I think I have always known that you and I… we are very different people.” Sitting back in his chair, his gaze still locked on your own, “I just want you to know that I’m sorry.  I’m sorry about what I’ve done… what I’ve said… How, shit, how I’ve behaved.  I could say that it was my duty.  I could tell you it was out of love, but the plain truth is that I have always been jealous of what you and Loki share.” “You’ll find it Steve.  You really will.  There’s a person out there waiting for you.  And once you’ve found them, oh Steve, you’ll see that this… what we had, it’s a shadow.  An illusion.  Because love, real love, doesn’t come with caveats and catches.  It is an undeniable force which, in my case, even the boundaries of time and space can not deny.” Something like a sob burst out of Steve, and you were surprised to see tears in his eyes, “I was so wrong.  Could you ever forgive me?” “I want to, Steve.  I really do... “  What more could you say?  Patting his hand you started to rise, “I have to go now.  Loki and I need to keep moving and I don’t want to risk running into Nick and Natasha.  At least, not yet, anyway.” “Where are you planning to go?” “To the Avenger’s Tower.  I believe I know what Mr. Fury has been planning all along.”  Loki’s strong voice entered the conversation as smoothly as his arms wrapped possessively around your waist. Steve took in the protective stance of your returned lover with a raised eyebrow, and without further comment asked Loki, “Really?  And how are you going to breach the building?  They’ll be looking for you, even with disguises…  Fury is no fool.  Plus, there’s little chance that Tony hasn’t activated a million safety and security protocols by now.” Only interested in you, Loki refused to give Steve any of his attention, “Getting in can’t be that hard!  I’ll figure it out when I get there.  Ready pet?” With a gentle push under his broad hands your feet started to move towards the door.  Loki was eager to be off and away, especially after hearing so much of Roger’s confession.  Just knowing what Steve had done, manipulating you while also convinced of his love for you;  it was enough for Loki to commit murder.  He was having quite a difficult time not tearing the good Captain’s limbs off his body. Softening his tone, Steve practically pleaded, “Loki.  Wait.  I… I can help.” Turning his attention fully to your former flame, Loki purred venomously, “You can help?  I’d love to know what entails, Captain.” “I can get you into the place and take you exactly where you need to go.  Fury’s going to hate it, but I’m tired of taking orders that hurt the people that-”  His pause was as lingering as the look he gave you, “- That I love.”  Before Loki could offer a sincerely sassy reply you grabbed his sleeve, tugging, “Um… Excuse us a minute Steve.” Pulling him down the hall of a home that felt like a familiar faced stranger, you waited until you had a bit of distance from Steve before harshly whispering, “How long were you listening?”
Serving you that small, sexy smile, Loki grinned, “Long enough.  How did you know I was there?” “You are sneaky, but even you, God of Mischief, cast a shadow.” Swinging you close enough to catch your mouth with his own, Loki pressed a sweet kiss there before answering, “A mistake I will be careful not to make again!” “The tower, huh?  That’s where you want to go?”  Grabbing you at the swell of your hips, grinding his frame against your own, “Where I want to go, my darling, is to the nearest bed, preferably naked, with you and you alone.” Your hands traced over the lapels of his borrowed leather duster, pausing only to jerk him closer by the supple fabric, “Hmm… is that so?” “Oh yes…”  Loki’s buttery grumble filled your ear as his strong hands dug into the flesh of your bottom.  For a moment you thought he’d give in to temptation, his sweet lips teasingly close to your own upturned mouth, “But-” On your toes, leaning into Loki’s sturdy, leather draped frame, you paused, “Ugh.  But?” Moving you to a safer, less kissable, arms length away, Loki sighed with the same frustration you felt, “-But, where we need to go, as soon as possible, is the Tower.” Moaning grumpily, you stepped out of the arms you longed to linger in, “I was afraid you were going to say that.” “I know it’s less than… ideal, love, but I did find something useful before the good Captain unburdened his soul this morning.” “And that is?” “Fury’s plan.  At first I couldn’t figure out exactly what he was after.  What did Fury want?  How was I involved?” Loki was dragging this out, loving how it kept you hanging onto his every word, and you rolled your eyes, “Well?  What is it?  Weapons?  War?” “All of that, yes… and… yours truly.”  That triumphant smile that filled Loki’s whole face lit up his mischievous eyes.  Tilting your head, struggling to make sense of what Loki had just told you, “What do you mean, you.  Fury wanted you… to do what, exactly?’ “Loki was going to be the patsy.” You both turned toward the sound of Steve’s baritone at the door, suddenly remembering that the Good Captain was still there and that he was waiting to see what you were going to do next.  Leaning his 100 year old bones into the doorframe, Steve crossed his arms, “The fall guy.  An example of what happens if you cross SHIELD.” “I think, my dear Mr. Rogers, that you mean, I am to be used as an example of what happens if one crosses Nick Fury.”  Loki countered, slinging an arm over your shoulder protectively. The idea was frightening.  A man like Fury had too much power, too much at his disposal.  Just knowing the lengths he had gone to in order to keep you and Loki apart was scary enough.  Making enemies of your friends.  Threatening the people you loved.  Selling your affection to Steve in an effort to control Loki.
Now, the knowledge that all of it was done in an effort to ensure that Nick Fury was the toughest guy in the galaxy, it made your stomach clench.  “What do you mean, an example?” “Unless my intelligence is flawed, I believe that Fury was going to kill me.  Is that correct, Captain?” Steve felt the weight of two sets of eyes on him.  Yours, full of fearful love and blind hope that this was all just some misunderstanding.  Innocent and naive and as lovely as he could ever remember.  Loki’s were reflecting a deeper understanding.  The kind of knowledge that only time in the trenches teaches. There was no answer from Captain Rogers.  None was needed.  Honesty, final and resolute, was out in the open.  “Look.  I know I’m not the guy you want on your side.  I’ve… I haven’t been the man I needed to be.  Not for you-”  Steve locked his bright blues onto you, offering a small smile that spoke of sadness before facing Loki, “-Or you, Loki.  But if you let me help you now, I promise that I can get you into the tower and maybe, one day, you won’t think so little of me.” 
Around you the morning gained strength.  Somewhere nearby birds chirped wildly, blissfully unaware of the drama unfolding in the modest little farmhouse and its implications on intergalactic politics.  Without  moving a muscle, Loki plainly asked you, “Do you trust him, dearest?” Squaring your shoulders, you crossed your arms, staring down the man called Captain America.  Nodding decisively, “I do.  I don’t think he’d spill everything like that only to turn on us.  He’s not so bad Loki, really.” “We’ll see about that.  For now, we trust Steve.  Ok, what’s your plan, Rogers?” --- “Hey.  I… I have one other thing to show you.”  Steve was dressed for action in his branded tactical gear, looking every inch the super soldier that Dr. Erskine envisioned. “Steve, we have to get moving.  Loki’s eager and -” “Just open it, ok?”  The envelope was thick with folded paper, the flap tucked under and not sealed.  Clearly it had spent time in and out of pockets, the edges frayed and tattered.  In exasperated curiosity you gingerly pulled the sheets free.
Shaking, your hands trembled holding the once white documents as your voice thickened, “Is this… is this what I think it is?” Cocking his head playfully, that rueful smile pulling at his full mouth, Steve almost seemed cheerful as he teased, “It’s yours.  I think something about this place has always been yours and I want you to have it.” “But-” Folding your small hands in his mighty ones, Steve squeezed gently, “It was a wedding present, or it was supposed to be.” “But we’re not getting married.” “I know.  Still-” “I can’t, Steve.  It’s yours.  Your house, your farm, your dream.” Shaking his head, disagreeing, but feeling lighter than he had in decades, Steve insisted, “Too late, I’m afraid.  It’s done.  Actually, that version of the deed has been signed since our second week here.” As realization sunk in you appraised the man changing right before your eyes, astonished but exhilarated, “Where will you go?” “I dunno.  Think I might need to be alone for a bit.  Maybe see the world… but first-” “First, we have to stop Nick Fury.”
To Be Continued... My Minxes:   @scrumptious-finicky-illusion @iamverity​ @mizfit2​ @sammy-jo1977​ @wolfsmom1​ @jessiejunebug​ @iluvsumbucky​ @unadulteratedwizardlove​ @procrastinatinglikeabitch​ @shxdowofdarkness​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @ahintofkiwistrawberry​ @alexakeyloveloki​ @rorybutnotgilmore​ @crystalizedcaramel​ @lokislittlecorner​ @capcapcapsicle @jamielea81​ @caffiend-queen​ @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore​ @jenjen8675309​ @that-one-person​ @roguewraith​ @toomanystoriessolittletime​ @vodka-and-some-sass​ @just-random-obsessions​ @brokenthelovely​ @lots-of-loki​ @thefallenbibliophilequote​
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moonlit-jeno · 4 years
Text
birthday sex + jeno
It’s 10:06pm when you check your phone for the tenth time in the past minute. Jaemin promised he would bring Jeno to the roof at 9:45. Not only is he late, but he’s also not answer his phone. You frown and eye the cake, wondering if he would mind if you had a bite before he got there.
10:12 is when Jaemin pushes a distressed Jeno onto the roof, hands clasped tightly over your boyfriend’s eyes. Jeno’s yelling something about being kidnapped, about how he can’t believe his best friend would betray him, and Jaemin makes a face that has you biting onto your lip to supress your laughter.
“I’m not fighting you up here, Jaemin! Not on my birthday! Especially not before I have my birthday sex, asshole!” Jeno yells. You snicker and make your way over to the two boys, leaning forward to press your lips against Jeno’s. He freezes, momentarily halting his attacks on Jaemin.
You pull back to be met with the wide eyes of your boyfriend and you smile at his surprised expression. “Happy birthday, babe!”
Jeno tears his gaze away from you to find the blanket you’d laid out, the mini decorations you’d set up. He laughs, seemingly at a loss for words.
“You did this?” He asks, taking both of your hands in his. You nod, smiling brightly. “Fuck, you’re amazing. Come here.” Jeno pulls you into a long kiss before wrapping his arms around you, nuzzling into your neck and squeezing you tight. You open your eyes to mouth a ‘thank you’ at Jaemin and he smiles brightly, throwing a condom in your direction and going back down the stairwell.
“I know, that’s why you’re dating me.” You grin, leaning in for one more kiss because you can’t help yourself. “Come on, let’s eat.”
Loud laughter and soft music mix together to fill the air, carrying out into the night sky. You and Jeno goof around and snuggle on the blanket, feeding each other bites of food and smiling like fools in love. Jeno covers his ears and pretends to scrunch his face in pain when you sing Happy Birthday to him. You pretend to strangle him.
It’s later, after you’ve eaten the majority of the food and slow danced under the night sky, that you lay out on the blankets and look at the stars. Jeno points out a constellation that he thinks looks like a dick. You’re pretty sure at least three of the stars he pointed at were satellites.
You snuggle closer into his side and let your eyes close in content, feeling full with love and cake and happiness. Jeno’s staring at you when you open them and he brings his thumb up to brush over your cheek.
“Thank you for doing this. It means the world to me.” Jeno says, open and honest. “You mean the world to me.”
“Of course, babe. You deserve the world, it’s the least I could do.” You smile, pressing into his touch.
Jeno surprises you by rolling on top of you. “No, you deserve the world. You kind, generous, wonderful human being.”
You whine and manage to roll you both over until you’re straddling his waist, hands on his chest to keep you balanced. “No, it’s your birthday, let me compliment you!”
There’s a pout on your face that goes away once he nods. “Lee Jeno, you actual angel. You’re the nicest, funniest guy I’ve ever met. You’re adorable and hard working and take care of your friends when they forget to take care of themselves. Sometimes you play too many video games and drive up the electrical bill, but you always look so darn cute that I can’t stay mad at you.”
You dip down for another kiss. “Lee Jeno, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I swear I fall in love with you more everyday.”
Jeno’s blushing in the moonlight when you finish talking and you smile at the way you’ve reduced him to an embarrassed puddle. He looks up at you with stars in his eyes and slides his hands over your waist to your back, pausing at your cheeks and holding you delicately. “Y/n, I am so in love with you.”
It’s sweet, and it would be perfect when he pulls you down for a kiss, but he moans a little too excitedly and you can feel something hard poking it your core.
“Are you- I just got done giving you such a romantic speech and you’re hard?” You narrow your eyes, looking Jeno up and down.
He smiles innocently at you. “Babe, my dick may be hard but my heart is soft.” You don’t react and he moves your hand to the side, letting you feel his heartbeat under your palm. “See? I-” he times his words with his pulse, a cheesy smile on his face. “Love. You.”
You try to look upset but you can’t stop yourself from smiling. “That is the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said to me. I can’t believe it.”
“Aww come on, say it back.” Jeno laughs, poking at your cheek. You huff dramatically.
“Fine. I-” You lean in for a kiss. “Love.” Kiss. “You.” Kiss. The last kiss is longer than the others, Jeno not letting you pull away. He’s smiling against your lips and it’s addictive, your face nearly split in half from how hard you’re smiling. You finally pull away and rest your forehead against his, trying to catch your breath.
“You know,” Jeno starts, taking both your hands in his, looking at you with a serious expression. “My heart may be soft, but my dick is still hard.”
He cackles when you make a disgusted noise and roll off to the side, an enraged “Lee Jeno!” leaving you. “You ruined the moment!” Jeno’s laughing too hard to respond and you glare at him for a second before softening your expression, pouting at him. “Now come here so I can suck your dick.”
A noise leaves him, the smile dropping off his face at your command. His eyes widen. “Really?” You nod. He’s never moved so fast in his life, scrambling over to your side.
You find that he wasn’t exaggerating about how hard his dick is when you slide his pants down just enough to pull his cock out, stroking him slowly. He hisses and his cock twitches in your hand, his head falling back against the cement.
“Eager?” You tease, moving to rest between his thighs. He watches you with bated breath, tongue coming out to wet his lips, but still having the piece of mind to raise his eyebrows at you.
“You have my dick in your hand and you’re asking if I’m eager?” The sentence starts out in disbelief, turning more choked as you part your lips to let your saliva drip out, slicking the slide of your palm. His hips shift and his eyelids flutter closed.
That won’t do. His entire body jolts when you give him a harsh squeeze, and he opens his eyes to find you pouting at him, mouth hovering above his cock. “I want you to watch me.”
Jeno swallows thickly and nods. “I’m watching.”
“Good.” You smile. Then you sink your mouth down on his cock, taking him in as deep as you can before you choke. Jeno’s chest rumbles with his moan and his hands come down to grip at your hair. His hips buck up and you let them, stroking your hands over his hips bones and up to his chest.
He pants harshly, soft moans leaving him as you suck his cock like you need it to live. And at this point, it’s fair to think that you do. But all you want is to make your baby feel good on his birthday, wanna give him the suck of his life because it’s what he deserves. Your throat will be screaming at you tomorrow but that’s the least of your concerns right now.
No, your main concern isn’t how wrecked you’ll feel tomorrow. It’s how good Jeno sounds as he moans your name like it’s his life line, it’s the pleasure that runs through your body when he tugs a little too hard at your hair. It’s the way his cock stretches your lips so wide that they burn, and the way your throat aches as you take him as deep as possible.
It’s the way you struggle for oxygen when you pull off, gasping for air against his thigh and letting your hand take over for your mouth, jerking him off quickly. Slick sounds fill the air and it has you squirming in need, wanting to take his cock into your pussy instead of back into your mouth. That’ll happen later, though, not now. Jeno’s always been one to come more than once, his sex drive running both of you into the ground.
For now, you’re content to press open-mouthed kisses up the side of his cock, dipping lower to mouth at his balls. He groans when you do, a choked sound that has you looking up at him on a combination of amusement and lust.
“Shit, you’re amazing.” Jeno pants out, sounding every bit as fucked out as he looks. He huffs a laugh. “Can’t believe I’m getting my dick sucked on the roof.”
You giggle too, because you’d known you were on the roof but you hadn’t put too much thought into how desperate it might feel, two civilized adults who were too horny to make it back to their apartment. “You love it though, don’t you?”
“Fuck yeah I do,” Jeno pants out, guiding your head back to his cock. You go easily, moaning at the weight him on your tongue. “Love everything involving you.”
His eyes roll to the back of his head when you give him one last harsh suck, pulling of to mouth at his abs. “Right answer.” You dig your thumb into the slit of his cock and blink up at him through your lashes. “Gonna come for me now?”
“Yes, shit, oh my God.” Jeno whines out, face scrunching up in pleasure as you double your effort to pleasure him. His fingers tighten in your hair, unoccupied hand moving up to tease at his nipples as he shakes apart under your touch. Your movements are quick, sloppy, and you pull out every trick that you know in an effort to get Jeno to come as soon as possible. There are tears running down your cheeks and spit dripping out of the corners of your mouth but you love it, love the wet noises that happen when you take him into the hilt, love the dizziness that fills your head as you choke on his cock. “Oh fuck, I’m gonna- gonna fucking come. Shit yes baby, oh-
Jeno keeps you in place as he fucks into your throat one last time, spilling into your open mouth. You take it all with a hum, swallowing with a dazed smile and taking care to make a big deal out of the way you lick your lips to clean them. He gives you a fucked out smile, stroking your cheeks and smoothing down your hair. You kiss him and he melts into it, hand grabbing at your ass to pull you against him for more.
A confused whine leaves him when you pull away, standing up before he can grab you. You giggle. “Come on, you’re not fucking me on the roof.”
He looks hurt. “I’m not?”
“Nope.” You turn to pack up the cake you’d brought up. “But if you help me carry everything back, I’ll let you fuck me against the window.”
Jeno honest to God whimpers and nearly trips trying to fold the blanket up.
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tundrainafrica · 3 years
Text
Title: Lovebug (13/14)
Summary:
“It might be a bug.”
“A bug?”
“Sometimes the developers of this application make mistakes. This is our first time meeting I’m sure so…Isn’t it a bit weird that we just met for the first time and it rings like this? And for two strangers to coincidentally ring each other’s alarms?“
Levi is the developer of the Love Alarm App and Hange is married to Zeke.
Link to cross-postings: AO3
Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Notes: Feedback is very much appreciated :D
With attire alone, Levi was already a fish out of water.
As the seconds ticked though, his self consciousness only grew.
It wasn’t just an issue of clothing. Too many things had been against him the whole way to the dinner room. The white and silver of the windows of the private dinner room in the hotel reflected the setting sun, the marble floors, the glass bridge, the carpeted floors.
The scenery was only half the battle though. The men and women strode in and out of the dinner room with attire much grander than is. There were leather bags, the jewelry and constantly hovering in the air were the business vernacular that fell into one ear and out the order.
There were too many conversations on mergers, acquisitions, business climates, market prices he could never be part of. And his own direct companions weren’t making it any better.
As Levi soon understood, it wasn’t their job to make him feel comfortable anyway.
“Yelena,” he repeated, a memory exercise for himself. The whole journey from the convention center on the first floor to one of the rooms in the mid floor of the hotel was silent and long. In the sea of business pleasantries though, it seemed ironic that the blonde had never even made conversation beyond her own name.
Even as she sat next to him on the dinner table, she didn’t speak, not even bothering to respond to her own name. She was too close though, only a few inches away that Levi swore she had heard it.
“That’s your name right?” Levi added. He couldn’t think of much else to say. After blurting her name mindlessly, with Porco and Pieck seated just in front of him, looking at him expectantly, he knew he had to continue with something.
“I introduced myself back in the lobby already,” Yelena finally responded.
“You did,” Levi said.
“Is there anything you want to ask?” Yelena asked, no hint of benevolence in her tone.
Levi had been rolling on the bed, in and out of sleep the whole day. He didn’t trust himself to say anything else. He didn’t trust himself to think.
Yelene had a knowing look on her face, as if she knew something he didn’t. And she seemed to be enjoying it. Since a while ago, she hadn’t at all been subtle with the fact that somehow, by just their first meeting, Levi had managed to rub her the wrong way. It wasn’t too radical of an idea, that she may enjoy his pain.
Levi’s mind was suddenly racing, reminding him why he had even considered going in the first place. Is there anything you wanna ask?  Those words echoed for a while longer. The longer he sat there silently, the more restless he became. He avoided her gaze, looking behind her, then behind Porco and Pieck, taking in his surroundings again. He was observing mannerisms, branded bags, branded ties, branded purses and Zeke in the middle of all of it, going from one table to the other.
Eventually, after the discomfort settled, Levi realized he was torturing himself for a reason.
Hange wasn’t there. And he shouldn’t have needed that long look to notice it. But you’ve given up already? Right?
“You’re not going to eat?” Pieck was a lot more friendly. There was a huge difference between being polite and being friendly and Levi suspected, he was only seeing politeness as friendliness given the stark contrast of Yelena’s overall approach towards him
In the air, tension hung so thick. Levi didn’t notice a piece of bread and a bowl of soup had been served in front of him. “I will.” He immediately went for the spoon in front of him.
“That’s the spoon for the main course,” Yelena said.
“What?” By the second, Levi was starting to realize how disconnected he actually was. Around the soup, there were spoons, forks and knives in multiple sizes. In a panic, Levi had looked around to see it was the same for everyone else.
Yet, everyone else knew how to navigate such a complex design.
“The small one is the soup spoon.” Pieck was helpful at least. “No, that’s the tea spoon,” she added as she looked pointedly at the smallest one Levi had taken hold of.
Levi was familiar enough with tea to be familiar with the size of the teaspoon. At that point though, who cared what spoon he ate with? He wasn’t there to dine.
By some pride or just utter frustration at the whole situation, the spoon debacle was never solved and Levi never touched his soup that night. He closed himself off from everything else, keeping his world closed to anything but the entrance, Zeke, the crowds, and the one familiar face he wanted to see.
But Hange never showed up.
“She’s not coming. If that’s what you’re thinking.” Yelena could have been reading his mind.
“Who’s not coming?” Levi asked. He widened his eyes in mock surprise but he kept his voice toneless. In his mind, that seemed like a good balance to display both calm and disconnect.
Yelena never answered the question. Maybe she knew silence was the right answer, that is, if her attention had been to keep his insides boiling in frustration, his mind racing.
The grin on her face only proved it. Maybe that was her intention.
It only got worse though as the night dragged on and Levi noticed his own restlessness around the salad course that he could barely even look at.
He could barely coordinate his hands. His legs were trembling.
Those few moments he focused on evening out his breathing, he was able to grip the spoon, then the steak knife as the main course came in.
As if to add salt to whatever wound she had, Yelena commented abruptly. “It’s not everyday people like you will be able to get steak like this.”
The steak could have just been soft. Or Levi was recovering. One of those, he couldn’t be too sure. But it was a good steak. He could tell that much. It melted in his mouth and he had spent an inordinate amount of time contemplating how it was physically possible for steak to melt in his mouth.
Then suddenly the delectable steak rotted mid chew. “You look like you’re enjoying yourself.” It was as if Yelena was on a mission to be a total buzzkill. Maybe she was being paid by Zeke to do just that.
And she was doing a wonderful job. Levi almost choked on that last piece, his fork fell to his lap. In a bout of embarrassment, he stood up. “Toilet.”
Five minutes and an empty bladder later, whatever peace and calm he had managed to muster alone in the toilet completely dissipated. It seemed like that dinner was also on a mission to make him as miserable as possible even in a supposedly pleasant environment.
“Where’s my steak?” Levi put too much energy into keeping his tone as subdued as possible.
“Oh, you weren’t done?” Pieck asked, seeming genuinely curious.
He had only gotten two bites. Of course, he wouldn’t be done. He was close to raising his hand up to call the waiter until he was reminded, he didn’t even pay for the dinner. Did he even have the right to complain?
At that point, Levi was just a little ticked, his grumbling stomach at having missed three courses over his own discomfort and tense state was already catching up to him. “What made you think I was done?”
“You put your spoon and fork together, like this,” Pieck said. “That means you’re done with the course.” She organized her plate the same way Levi did, for just a second.
Maybe Levi had been too self conscious. In an attempt to seem more posh than he actually was, Levi had channeled his own fastidiousness into putting the utensils together before he left for the toilet.
“I would think someone who works in corporate would know this. This is standard fine dining,” Yelena said nonchalantly.
Fine dining for Levi meant a dinner at a cafe, or a sit down restaurant. The whole world that existed for the sake of fine dining, the course meals, the secret language he didn’t seem to understand felt completely unnecessary. And the longer they sat there as if deliberately keeping him in the dark while he starved, Levi only became more and more impatient.
“I’m sure you wouldn’t have known any better at first,” Levi said.
“I’ve been handling Zeke’s properties overseas for years so I’ve had my fair share of fine dining experience.” She then turned to Pieck and Porco who both nodded. “Even before that, my parents have taught me this. Have yours?”
Levi’s earliest memories of fine dining had been sit down restaurants, diners, nothing too fancy. He shook his head. “Well, I didn’t come here with the intention of dining. You put me on that list yourself, without even waiting for a reply.” He regretted it, as soon as he let it out. His grumbling stomach had him almost out of control.
Yelena raised one eyebrow. “Oh? Then why did you still come, Mr. Ackerman? The free food?”
Levi froze.
“The free food you barely even touched?” Yelena pressed.
And Levi stiffened up, much harder than he would have thought was ‘completely frozen.’
“You have some business to settle with Mr. Jaeger I’m guessing?”
“It’s none of your business.” Levi managed to say.
“I’ve been working for the Jaegers for years. I manage their overseas properties, a few apartments and houses here and there,” she said proudly.
“And?” Levi challenged. “Does that make you entitled to whatever other business Zeke has?”
That question was a response enough. Enough to get Yelena crack, her expression shifted from incredulous, to abrasive to subdued. One eyebrow raised, mouth twitching slightly. “I had to clean up the mess you two left behind.”
Mess? Levi had an inkling of an answer.
A clatter of metal on a plate. “Yelena! Not here,” Pieck said.
“Then we should talk outside then.” Yelena was half way to standing up, before she stopped herself.
Levi found himself following her gaze. The one view that had her frozen in her tracks had been Zeke and before Levi even knew it himself, he was just as surprised as Yelena.
“Should we retire early?” Zeke asked.
“Sir, you haven’t eaten yet,” Yelena argued.
Zeke shook his head. “I hold these dinners to find potential business partners, not to eat.” He turned to Pieck. “I think Pieck can take over from here. I’ll leave you to answer any questions about Jaeger healthcare holdings.”
Pieck nodded. “Yes sir, I’ll take over.”
“No hurry, everyone’s still busy with their meals…” Zeke looked pointedly at his surroundings at the other people. HIs staff table had been conveniently placed by the corner, and it didn’t seem at all like their conversation had been heard by everyone else.
Pieck and Porco were noticeably eating faster, seeming deep in thought. Back into business mode maybe, the caustic exchange of a while ago completely forgotten. Or at least they looked like they were attempting to forget it.
Not burdened with that same responsibility, Yelena didn’t seem to put up any facade. Her own antagonizing attitude towards Levi didn’t falter. Yet somehow, Zeke’s presence had kept her mum, subdued her to just venomous glares.
They exited the dinner hall and made their way out of the hallway, opening up to the open hotel lobby. “We can talk in my private suite,” Zeke said. “I don’t like having a lot of my conversations in public.”
Levi didn’t respond. The glances Yelena snuck him only made it harder to come up with anything more than a few mumbles which he was sure would only make him look pathetic in front of Zeke.
“Did you pay for the flight yourself?” Zeke asked.
Levi nodded. Where’s Hange? That thought tore into his mind so abruptly, Levi found himself having to clamp his mouth shut, much tighter than normal. He couldn’t trust himself to speak. God knows, he might end up asking just that cursed question.
“You’re quiet,” Zeke commented as they entered the elevator. “Did you enjoy dinner?”
Levi nodded and mumbled some hint of a yes.
Zeke raised his eyebrows. “Really what was your favorite course?”
The steak obviously. Even those words got caught somewhere in his throat, admitting to Zeke that he enjoyed the food seemed almost like flaunting himself naked.
Luckily—or unluckily, Zeke didn’t prod, instead going for another speech which made Levi regret keeping silent. “I hold dinners every night for PR, get the right potential partners to the same room, for my healthcare holdings, my supermarket holdings, my…” Zeke rattled on.
To Levi, it felt the blonde had just been jacking himself off instead of actually making conversation. Still, that gave Levi time to think.
Thinking turned out to be a bad thing.
Even before they arrived at the penthouse floor, Levi had to admit, the hotel was posh. The scent of new wood hung in the air, the marble finishings, the lamp made out of metals Levi suspected weren’t easy to acquire. And when they stepped from the elevator wing to the matted floor of the penthouse, whatever plush they used underneath greeted him in some strange manner.
Strangely, Levi felt guilty for dirtying something which he was completely aware was supposed to be dirtied anyway dealing with foot traffic everyday. Then the more they walked, the more self conscious he became of the way he was walking.
Zeke and Yelena both walked ahead with confident strides and Zeke never stopped talking. When Levi found himself listening, he noticed, Zeke's tirades only made the grand hall seem grander, a completely different world to Levi, something he wasn’t supposed to be in.
Was he a visitor. Hell, maybe not even a visitor. A slave? A serf?
“The convention is to attract potential resellers. We’re planning on reselling our research, our products, our technology, to this region...”
They walked towards the end of the hall, stopping in front of some fancy door only accentuated by the plush carpets and the decorative lamps.
“... And this city will be our hub…” It looked like Zeke had been too distracted by his own grand plans to even bother to open the door. It was fortunate then that Yelena had the key and that she knew her way into the presidential suite.
They settled on the sofa in the living rooms, the first room past the foyer.
“We’ll set up office space... Maybe a building...”
It was around then that Levi noticed he hadn’t been offered a seat but he didn’t mind it too much. The multiple sitting rooms, the wide window to one side that gave a good view of the infinity pool on the balcony, and beyond that, a view of the city.
Did Hange get to swim? Levi looked out for a while longer and he couldn’t look away. The longer he looked, the easier it became to imagine her leaning over the infinity pool in her purple bathing suit.
“It will cost a few million dollars…”
Just like in the country club.
“Levi, you want to go for a swim?”
Levi coughed, an instinctive movement. “Sorry… Excuse me, what?”
Zeke looked very unimpressed. It was obviously a joke. “For gods sake, sit down. It’s distracting just watching you stand awkwardly.”
“So why did you invite me here?” Levi asked. If not to listen to you ramble. He added silently to himself.
“I think I have a right to answer first,” Zeke said. He nodded to Yelena. The latter walked away and back to the kitchen. “Why are you here? Don’t tell me you’re here for the convention?”
“What if I am?”
Zeke spared a small grin. He leaned back on the sofa and looked to the side, as if sharing an inside joke with himself. “And do you have plans of investing?”
Millions of dollars. Those three words echoed in Levi’s head. He didn’t have that money and he most likely never would.
Zeke didn’t give him time to speak. “Figures,” he muttered. “So why did you come here?” He asked in a clearer voice.
“You invited m---”
“I wouldn’t have invited you if you weren’t here already,” Zeke said.
Yelena chose that moment to come in between them, a wine bottle on one hand, two wine glasses on the other. Her movements were too casual, the fine dining positions of a while ago seemed almost like a facade.
Zeke gave a nod in thanks. “Sit where you’re comfortable.”
Yelena didn’t hesitate. She settled on one of the sofa chairs, a comfortable distance between them. She mirrored Zeke’s own expression, a mix between mocking and expectant.
It only became harder to speak. When Levi was weighing between speaking up and staying mum, he found, as painful as it was to continue speaking, the outcome seemed more desirable.
At least in his head.
“What’s wrong? Can’t tell me why you visited my convention?” Zeke took a sip of the wine. “Unless it’s something… controversial? Embarrassing? Offensive?.”
Levi felt his skin crawl. Not completely in control of his body, he almost feared his facade cracking and not noticing it. He cleared his throat. “I was going to speak.” He paused, using that moment, to meet Zeke’s eyes. “It’s about Hange.”
“What about my Hange?” Zeke had put too much emphasis in those last two words, it seemed almost out of place. In one sleek movement, he straightened up on his seat and tightened his grip on his wine glass
It was as if Levi was walking on Zeke’s territory, completely unwelcome. And Levi was starting to notice that. He shook his head and softened his voice, a subtle peace offering. “I had plans for the emotion alarm, I wanted to discuss them with Hange, get her opinion---”
“Erwin hasn’t told you yet?” Zeke put down his wine glass. “We’re terminating the contract.
It was like a ton of bricks fell on him. His stomach followed suit. Levi went for his wine glass and took a long sip which quickly turned into a gulp then he let out a cough. Water would have done a much better job to clear the tickle in the throat, the pang in his chest and the hollowness in his chest that followed. But he wasn’t going to ask for water in Zeke’s territory yet.
A ninety five percent chance of termination. Erwin had said back in their meeting.
“So it’s final?” Levi asked. The crushing disappointment had been enough proof that Levi had been vouching on that five percent.
Zeke nodded once. “Hange won’t be bothering you anymore. We’ll find another developer for her to work with.”
“I was working on some plans. They’re suggestions I was hoping she’d consider. If I---”
“Levi, can you send it over through email? Do you have to talk to her?”
Levi felt the blood rush to his face. He bent his head down almost immediately, focused on his shaking hands that were only gripping his knees tighter. He dug his nails into his knees, as if that would be enough to stop the shaking. “No, I don’t need to.” It could have come out as an exhale or an actual response.
“Well, that makes things easier. You know, she doesn't want to see you.” Zeke’s voice was painfully casual.
Levi looked up again, regretting it almost immediately. Zeke had a look of triumph on his face. It had only served to piss Levi all the more that Zeke had tried to hide it behind a nonchalant face. Seeing the small smile that decorated his lips, Levi dug his nails deeper into his knees. “Then why?”
“Why what?” Zeke pressed. “Why doesn't she want to see you?” His voice was getting colder and colder with each word. They twisted into an almost malevolent sneer.
“Why invite me here?” Levi asked, his voice clipped. Grappling with both Zeke’s attitude and the revelation on Hange’s feeling, Levi was finding it harder to speak.
“So you came because you were invited then?” Zeke took another sip. “And how were you invited?”
Does he expose Hange? And maybe Levi had taken too long vacillating.
Zeke had ended up answering the question himself. “An email? A support ticket with a flyer? Spam mail?” He took another sip. “You and your company have your very techy love alarm. And I have my own version too, my very old fashioned love alarm.” He gestured in front of him, right at Levi. “And it’s ringing in front of me right now.”
It took a few more seconds for Levi to understand it.
Zeke was either impatient. Or probably he thought Levi was a total idiot. He bent forward, leaned his elbows on his knees and dropped his wine glass on the wooden table with a loud clack.“Tell me, why would you go all the way here, over a fake email?” he asked. “Her name really was enough for you to book a plane ticket and fly across the ocean?”
Levi didn’t respond.
And it looked like Zeke didn’t need an answer anyway. He waved one hand in front of him and rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you’ve been in the corporate world long enough to know, there are meetings that could have been emails yet you still chose to take a plane and come here.”
“Do you want me to write an email?” Levi asked.
Zeke shrugged. We don’t need your input. This project...it’s mine and Hange’s.”
Yours and Hange’s? He raised his eyebrows in mock surprise, as if that slow and subtle movement had been enough to quell the fire in his chest. “What makes you say that?”
“It’s our project. It’s my gift to Hange.”
What does that make me? Levi didn’t say it out loud. He didn’t even want that instinctive jaw drop, the twitch in his mouth that followed to expose what the hell he was thinking.
“You’re merely someone paid to do the work.” Zeke continued, as if he had heard Levi's silent question.
Levi didn’t even feel it. He wasn’t even completely aware it happened until Zeke’s eyes widened for a split second in surprise, then narrowed again, shifting instead to one could have been pure fury.
But Levi didn’t care. Even when looking down had revealed, he spilled wine all over the lush carpet. The wine glass had hit the table, scattering pieces of broken glass on the table and over the floor.
It would be a bitch to clean up. Levi didn’t care about that either, it wasn’t his mess. It wasn’t his fucking presidential suite.
Zeke just had more practice in the diplomacy department. “Why do you feel it necessary to stand up and cause such a ruckus?”
The calmness had Levi’s blood boiling more violently inside him. He could only be grateful that the breaking the wine glass had released some of that pent up energy.
Zeke was only making it harder and harder to stay still. “I’m only stating facts. The money I put into it makes it mine. The fact that you’re being paid to do it. The fact that you even signed an employment contract relinquishes all ownership you have of all the projects you do in the company. You of all people should know that. I can’t even believe I need to school someone like you on this. You can’t even keep yourself together.”
Levi looked away, back at the view of the balcony, the glowing city. How much of it was owned by people who knew nothing about construction, architecture or just the hard work that went into even making such a view possible? A tiny injustice that surfaced in Levi’s mind as he let Zeke’s words sink in. “With all due respect... ” His last few words came out softer than expected. But Levi had seemed almost confident with them. “...You know jackshit about coding or psychology.”
Soon, Levi gripped enough of that new found confidence to take control of the conversation. “You know nothing about how any of that shit works. You didn’t stay up all night working on that damn application. I’ll fucking bet my whole life savings you don’t even know how this application works.”
“Ackerman, watch your mouth!” It was Yelena who spoke, looking as if she had just recovered from shock, eyes wide, her own wine glass on the table.
Levi cleared his throat. “Once again, with all due respect.” He was mildly aware then, that he may have raised his voice. Zeke was surprisingly—almost admirably calm. He put one hand as if to stop Yelena and spoke up. “And does ‘knowing jackshit’ make me less of an owner?”
That was a question that Levi couldn’t answer. He regretted losing control. In shock, or in some punishment which only the inner workings of his mind understood, Levi could only stand still, unable to even sit back down.
Zeke stared at him accusingly. “Mr. Ackerman…” he started. “You don’t believe there’s any dignity in the labor of moving money around? Investing and reinvesting?”
Levi felt shame wash over him.
It was a strange state to be in. There was more than enough dignity in being a billionaire, in being one of the top one percent who just bought and sold whatever they got their hands on. It was an inarguable fact that society thought highly of the top one percent regardless of where they got their money. Yet Zeke had a way of speaking that made Levi reflect the validity of his own words, any disrespect or any backhanded insult he could have been sending to anyone else.
Levi knew he was being manipulated but he couldn’t seem to point out how.
Maybe it had been the way Zeke had opened his eyes, his face a mix of confusion, hurt, with a hint of derision. Or maybe everything had been Levi’s imagination and once again he was faced with the prospect that maybe he didn’t mean it.
“That…” That wasn’t what I meant.
At that point, Zeke had stood up and at that difference of height and difference of social status, Levi had to bite his tongue, not to lose his composure.
Zeke though seemed to know he had taken control of the conversation. “You’re trying to cover your ass?”
“Cover… my ass?” Levi said that last word with a little more venom in his mouth. Somehow, the eloquent Zeke suddenly putting so much force into one single curse only added to the tension of that moment.
“Trying to justify your own mistakes by emphasizing your own superiority. It’s a very common tactic. You’re not the first to employ it.”
“I never---”
“You should be thanking me. I’ve been treating you fairly, paying you for your hard work. And on top of that, I’ve tolerated the transgressions, even putting more money unnecessarily into covering this up.” Zeke said. He walked towards the kitchen island, pulling an envelope from next to the telephone and slamming it on the counter. He wasn’t motioning though for Levi to come.
Levi preferred to stay frozen, just standing between the sofa and the coffee table. But when Zeke opened the envelope, pulling out pictures, and a few pages which he waved on the air and slammed on the table, Levi’s curiosity peaked.
Levi covered the distance in so short an amount of time, he never figured out if he seemed too desperate.
In hindsight, it wasn’t important. The contents of the papers, the pictures bundled together by paper clips had only been a more pressing matter.
Zeke’s words only confirmed it. “You went on a road trip up north on Hange’s birthday?”
“We did,” Levi said. There wasn’t much else he could have said to deny it. The evidence was too overwhelming— blurred pictures, screenshots of comments online in threads, subthreads, all speculating Hange’s side relationship.
“No use denying it. Yelena made a call to our employees in our estate up north. They mentioned Hange’s companion when she visited.”
“But we didn’t do anything…”
Zeke raised one eyebrow as if he had caught them in the act. “I’m not accusing you of it. But what would you say in your defense? When the Love Alarm rings, when you book a double room in a motel and when you’re together, almost inseparable in all of these pictures,” Zeke spread the photos on the table, shots of them in the motel, in the train station, in Zeke's house. “Hange isn’t a high profile person. It never made the news, Yelena and I made sure of that but people talk, anyone familiar with the tech world and particularly interested in it, would know how our family looks like."
It was funny, how anger could so easily sour to shame. At that moment, Levi considered disappearing an almost welcome development. Zeke pushed the pictures nearer to him, in one messy pile, the screenshots on comments, mentioning words like ‘misters,’ ‘paramours,’ ‘who’s the man???’ “We purged the internet of all photos, no names. Some people repost but I have people watching and reporting. This isn’t cheap.”
I’m sorry. Levi’s first instinct was to apologize, the adamance of a while ago almost completely forgotten. But sorry’s wouldn't work. “How much? I’ll pay what I can.”
Zeke scoffed. “Can you?”
Levi couldn’t think up much to say. He scanned his eyes over the comments at first to feign business, an excuse not to speak up. The more he looked, the more engrossed he got at lines of comments. Others towards him, then as he turned the pages, they were all towards Hange.
Slut. Whore. Low life. Cheater.
“I’ll pay what I can,” Levi said.
“How much are you willing to shell out? A hundred grand?”
That was a huge chunk of Levi’s annual earnings already. He wasn’t one to disclose salary though. He kept his mouth a thin flat line and nodded.
Zeke shook his head. “I’ll be generous, considering all the inconvenience you’ve caused both of us. While you're here, humor me,” he said. “I may not be a coder or a psychologist but I’m sure, there are things I can teach you. If you’re willing to shell out a hundred grand, let’s gamble with it. I haven’t had a good game in a while.”
“A good game?”
Zeke turned to Yelena. “Can you be a dealer again?”
“You plan on playing heads up?” Yelena asked,
“We have a table in one of the private rooms, why not?”
“Heads-up poker?” Levi clarified. There was only one game heads up that the two could have been referring to, mentioning terms like ‘deal.’
Zeke didn’t even bother to answer the question either for lack of consideration for Levi or just an expectation that Levi may have understood.
Levi didn’t live under a rock and he was very much familiar with the game. He had played a few games on online poker sites back in college.
Still, he moved a little sluggishly behind his two companions. Levi could have just been a little too wary or Zeke could have been out for blood.
The stakes then and there were completely different. For one, he had never bet almost a year’s worth of his own salary on a single game. He had never played with anyone whose net worth was a thousand, or maybe even a million times his own.
At that moment, Levi felt like a total beginner and it was as if hesitation clipped every single moment he managed to pull out of himself. There wasn’t too much he was expected to do but watch as Yelena prepared a few playing cards then chips.
Zeke made himself comfortable right in front of Levi. “Willing to bet a hundred grand?” he said those last words with an ominous smile on his face.
Levi sensed danger, but he couldn’t sense any proper way out either. He owed Zeke, he knew that much, whether it be for the money or the utter disrespect he had been treating him with since a while ago. Maybe he owed Zeke for more than that, for any inconvenience Zeke may have experienced at Levi having gotten a little too close to Hange.
Levi admitted, even just to himself, he had been a little too close to Hange for either of them to have been comfortable. Guilt, a sense of duty or just hyper awareness of everything all at once had Levi conceding, “Do I pay now?”
“We play with chips first,” Zeke responded.
Yelena dropped colored stacks of chips in front of them. Levi counted reds, blues, yellows, browns.
“You should have a hundred thousand worth,” Yelena said. “Do you know the colors?”
“Yes, just a bit.” Dabbling into online poker for a few months at least, Levi had enough experience to tell the browns as five thousands, the light blues as two thousand and the rest had inferred for himself from the amount of chips in front of him. He looked up to see that Zeke had a noticeably larger stack. “That looks like a lot more than a hundred grand,” Levi noted.
Zeke didn’t answer immediately and the flicker of realization came quicker, quick enough to have Levi coughing in surprise. The odds were against him.
“It is,” Zeke said as he counted his own chips, as if it wasn’t plain and utter cheating or even deception that he had a glaringly higher amount of chips than Levi. He slipped the chips towards the side and looked questioningly at Levi.
What had Hange told him back then in the golf course?
Zeke likes winning...But the way he goes about winning is like...He’s always been smart about it, always playing safe.
And what a better way to play safe than to have a larger pile than your opponent.
Zeke spoke up. “Hange and I, we’d play games with business partners while talking contracts and logistics. And Hange always said this about games. They teach things and sometimes they expose parts of ourselves… And the more I played with Hange, whether it be mahjong, blackjack, golf, or chess, I started to notice something. Games are a mirror of life, almost a clear reflection of what you deal with in business and in relationships.”
Zeke paused for a second and closed his eyes as if deep in thought. The room filled with the sound of shuffling of cards, the sound of the clack of chips as Zeke ran his hand over the brown ones, tapping them over the wooden round table in stilted and deafening movements.
“Poker is one of my favorite games. Like business, you base your decision on three things… Tells, numbers and circumstances,” He paused for a few seconds longer and he could have been expecting Levi to speak.
Levi didn’t look up though, instead using the brief silence to make sense for himself the amount of chips on his side.
Zeke spoke again. “Yelena, shuffle up and deal. We’re playing heads up. Our small blind is five hundred dollars and our big blind is one thousand dollars,” he said coldly. “I hope that isn’t too much money.”
In truth, that was enough money to make Levi’s stomach turn. Zeke’s manner didn’t look like it welcomed any protest though, so Levi merely nodded as some weak reply.
A weak nod could have sufficed as a response. Zeke turned to Yelena. “Give our valued guest the dealer button.”
The dealer plays the small blind. Levi counted five hundred dollars worth of chips and pushed it in front of Zeke.
Two cards lay in front of him, care of Yelena. Levi had played before and he was familiar at least with what a good hand would have looked like. In one swift movement, he held the cards in front of him.
Ten of Clubs and Nine of Clubs. With just one look, he knew he could complete either a flush or a straight.
If the board plays to his advantage.
Zeke tutted. “It’s not considered good practice to lift the cards. Most poker players would just raise the corner just high enough to see their own cards.” He demonstrated that exact same movement, only raising high enough that he could get the contents cards with one glance. “You’ve never played on the board?”
“I’ve played for a few months online,” Levi muttered. He would look back at that experience with little animosity. After all, a few months dabbling with bets online and just applying what little he learned from his statistics class had seemed like an overall enriching experience at first. Then and there, on the board, with thousands of dollars at stake, Levi felt utterly vulnerable. Like a beginner. Maybe, in the grand scheme of things, someone with only months worth of casual experience was a beginner.
And Zeke held a glaring advantage, something Levi couldn’t so easily brush away. Levi’s own instinct, his own experience with odds had him considering raising. Just for a second. When Zeke was staring at him though, his own pile much bigger than Levi, Levi could only weigh between two decisions, fold and give up that hand or match Zeke’s bet.
It’s still a good hand anyway. “Call,” Levi said, matching Zeke’s bet.
By the way that Zeke was looking at him though, Levi knew he was probably not playing on the board properly. Zeke spoke up. “Tells. One important concept in both poker and business is tells,” he explained. “The way you carry yourself tells me you never played on the board. Am I correct?”
“Yes.” There was no use denying it but Levi didn't have to spare him a long answer.
Zeke dropped five purple chips on the table. “Raise to 2500.”
There was value in those chips, his lifestyle, his savings. And for a split second, he saw an abyss. He had spent too much on a flight ticket, a hotel room, just all the food he had been eating in that town. Then another year's worth of income on stake, reduced to chips.
By some strange instinct, by some adrenaline rush, Levi had managed to brush it away, reducing whatever stakes to the few chips on the board. And he was grateful for the power of delusion. By god, if he didn’t have at least a sliver of self-delusion, he could have folded right then.
“Call,” Levi said, once again matching Zeke’s bet. He needed to calm down. It wasn’t a loss yet, the game hadn’t even started.
There was hope in whatever cards Yelena was shuffling. She spread the first three on the table.
“We call that a flop,” Zeke said. “Just in case you didn’t know.” And of course Levi knew, he had played online long enough to pick up some terms. With the grin on Zeke’s face, a far cry from a face more appropriate for a game of poker, Levi was certain Zeke was provoking him. “I know what a flop is,” Levi said, running his eyes over the three cards.
Ace of clubs. Seven of Clubs. Eight of Hearts.
Levi started to calculate. He had 2500 dollars, a months worth of basic living expenses on the line. He wondered if it would have felt better just dropping the one hundred grand to Zeke from the start. There was something notably more painful and more terrifying about the possibility of watching his money whittle away slowly.
“During business meetings, I like to tell which topics, which specific products make my business partners uncomfortable, when dealing with stakeholders, with employees. I like to take a few quick guesses on the backgrounds of the people in front of me, to see whether they’re worth dealing with in the long term. ” Zeke explained. “How they handle pressure…”
Was that a threat? A challenge? Maybe it was. Levi was suddenly morbidly aware that he had licked his lips, that his hand shook as he took another peek at his cards.
He had a chance for a straight. But what would Zeke have? And Levi had made the mistake of looking at Zeke then.
“Another ‘tell’, your eyes widened just there. You have a pair? A potential straight? For someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, Hange does a much better time hiding than you do.” Zeke had deliberately put more emphasis on the word Hange.
If Levi hadn’t frozen solid, tensed up by the shoulders with Zeke’s almost accurate guess, the word Hange had done the trick to make Levi terribly, terribly self conscious. In an instinctive moment, Levi bent his head down, raised one hand in an attempt to cover his own eyes, only to realize a second later with his hand halfway to his eyes, that that had done worse to even show that he had something to hide.
“You don’t have to hide it. We all know already, you’re in love with Hange.”
Levi had accepted that part already. If he had been in complete denial at that moment, maybe he would have lost himself in Zeke’s accusing glare.
“Are you going to deny it?” Zeke dropped an alarming number of yellow and purple chips. “Raise to four thousand.”
Levi let out a sound, a combination between a no and a quiet huff and he matched Zeke’s bet.
“A month ago I heard from the staff in our summer house up north mentioning the man, who always followed closely behind Hange, the man who so willingly got a single bed hotel with her, the man in the train station who sat close to Hange Zoe,” Zeke said. “People talk, Levi. Did you consider that? And I thought to myself back then, maybe, it could have been a coincidence but Hange had her own tells as well. When Hange saved you from drowning, did you know she didn’t want to let go?”
Yelena put one more card down. Two of diamonds.
“This is a convenient turn card ,” Zeke commented. “If you have a nine, or a ten, you have a chance at a straight. Have you calculated?” He raised one eyebrow.
Levi didn’t answer. Hell, anything he did say could probably be taken against him.
“Hange would have. When we played, she would babble on about statistics. Everytime she held out a hand, completely beating me, she would babble all the calculations in her head. She has always been quick witted, intelligent, clever. That’s why I fell in love with her too.” He had said that part louder, more confidently and so matter-of-factly, and Levi was reminded he would never have that same confidence to say those words about Hange, even if he would have meant it.
There was a clack of poker chips. Four thousand dollars? Levi counted. He looked towards the pile next to Yelena. He had four thousand dollars there already. A total of eight thousand dollars on the table, months worth of rent for most.
From the expectant look on Zeke’s face, Levi was expecting he’d only go higher. Do I fold? But maybe with the excruciating mentions of Hange, that was something Zeke had wanted him to do. In a sliver of weak protest, Levi matched the bet, his own bet up to eight thousand dollars.
He needed a jack or a six for a straight. But why was Zeke easily dropping bets? Did he have something better?
“Let’s consider numbers in real life. Even with how you and Hange were acting, I thought I could give you the benefit of the doubt. When the alarm rang, when you and Hange accepted it as truth, I realized my suspicions might be right. Hange might actually be attracted to you, she might actually love you. So what does that mean for me?” Zeke was once again playing with his chips.
Five thousand dollars worth? Levi thought loudly to himself as he counted the chips.
A bluff? Levi’s mind was racing. Zeke’s own words were deliberately or even just half heartedly disturbing. But there wasn’t much else he could do, four thousand dollars were on the line. Zeke proved to be confident at least with his own hand.
Bluffs happened, Levi played enough to be aware that people did put more than enough money than necessary just to scare people into folding. Another surge of protest later, Levi had matched the bet, putting his total bet at eleven grand.
The final card on the board was a jack and Levi didn’t have to look back at his own cards to confirm it. He had a straight. When Zeke had bet ten grand in chips, it had been much easier to call.
Soon the cards were revealed, an Ace and a King. Zeke had the strongest pair.
But Levi had a straight. He took the pot, more than a total of twenty thousand dollars, more than enough to offset his whole trip. When Levi looked up at Zeke, he regretted it almost instantly.
The latter didn’t seem at all affected by losing over twenty thousand dollars. “Circumstances, the most powerful tool but the easiest to control with the right resources. ” Zeke said, as if that had been the explanation for his own strange behavior. “It’s only natural when the person I’m married to starts running off with another man, I’d feel threatened. When she started working on the love alarm and I noticed she was happier, happier than I’ve ever seen her before. Then she was crankier than I’ve ever seen her before, then sadder. I wondered, what was our head developer doing to make Hange like that.”
Nothing. Fall in love with her? There weren’t too many things which could have fit what was starting to seem like a redundant question, so once again, silence was the best response.
Yelena spread the deck of cards over the table and Levi instead focused on dropping the new blind and appreciating the deft manner at which Yelena ran her hands over the cards.
He wasn’t in any state to be mesmerized by cards though.
Zeke’s voice echoed in the room. “Levi, I asked you a question.”
“What did I do, you mean?” Levi asked. That was the last thing he remembered and it had seemed almost redundant, not worth an explanation. Zeke shook his head. “Do you think she’s in love with you?” A strange question to ask someone, too personal. Zeke had a way of speaking that demanded answers.
Levi’s mind was working faster, vacillating between answering or not. He thought back to the ringing of the love alarm, Hange’s words up in the tower. Hange seemed happier, then crankier, then sadder, than I’ve ever seen before. “That’s for Hange to decide, right?” Levi said.
Zeke’s voice was suddenly softer as if they had released a sigh with his words. “Considering circumstances though, I was assured Hange can’t just leave.”
That last word had peaked Levi’s interest. “Leave?” He repeated.
“Even if your love alarm is correct, even if by some chance she loved you, and she didn’t love me, Hange can’t leave. I made sure of that. I’ve covered my bases.”
Covered your bases? Levi bent his head down, hiding that incredulous look that forced itself out of him.
“I paid for her research. I paid for the emotion alarm. I paid for the media embargo so your photos wouldn’t get printed.  I paid for everything, our home, our trips. Hange can’t just leave, after I put so much into this relationship right?”
Yelena dealt a new set of his cards and Levi pulled his new cards towards him and took a peak.
Eight of hearts. Three of hearts. Shitty hand with a potential for a flush.
Zeke slipped the new cards towards him. “She’s not going to leave. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized, why are you still hurting yourself over this. Why don’t you give up?”
“There’s nothing to give up. I wasn’t holding on to anything.” Those words had been surprisingly easy to say. “Hange married you. I went here to talk to her, nothing more than that.”
“You could have sent an email. You could have sent it through Erwin. Why come here yourself?” Zeke’s words were suddenly ringing through his ear.
“Why are you so bothered by me showing up? You didn’t have to invite me here,” Levi said, and somehow, a cathartic release that came with those words.
The shocked almost speechless expression on Zeke’s face, a far cry from the calm, poker face of a second ago, sent a rush of confidence over Levi
Maybe there were things he knew about Hange that Zeke didn’t. Levi continued “I don’t understand why you had to go through all this trouble, covering the embargo, sending Hange away, buying the emotion alarm. Even if you didn’t cover your bases, even if you give Hange all of that, she wouldn’t have left you. She really believes she’s in love with you.” She’s a prideful prick that way. He added silently to himself.
“What do you know about Hange? You only met her months ago.”
Long enough to feel like I’ve known her my whole life. If his words could have at least been enough to ensure some happiness for Hange in the future, it was worth a shot. “You should have just trusted her. You take in the most free-loving person I have ever met as your partner and you trap her by hanging all that over her head? That’s not how to love someone like Hange.”
“Who are you to tell me how to love the person I’m married to?”
This time, it was Levi’s turn to ask a question. “Do you love Hange?”
“More than you’re capable of understanding,” Zeke answered venomously, as if it was an attack on Levi.
Somehow, of all the things, an attack on his own ignorance didn’t feel like anything at all. Levi was confident, he wasn’t ignorant. “Hange really believes love is a choice, love is freedom. And you think the best way to love her is to tie her down with money and gifts? With circumstance?”
“You can’t assume that.”
“Then why do you have to make her feel guilty? Why do you give her everything just so she won’t leave? Why are you assuming she’ll leave the moment she gets the chance?”
One hand on the table, and the table rocked, the pile of chips Levi had meticulously organized fell in one crash, the few others as they slid amongst each other, colors mixing amongst one another.
Yelena was the first to speak. “Focus on the game, Ackerman.”
“Check.” He didn't have the best hand. As the river opened up to reveal a potential for a flush, he still thought it worth a shot.
Zeke pushed a huge pile of chips to the front. “Raise to a hundred thousand dollars.” Almost all of Levi’s available funds.”
“Fold,” Levi said.
The button switched. Levi and Zeke dealt their blinds again. Yelena dealt another two cards. And the game continued.
Carefully raising the corners of his pair, Levi noted a three of spades and a queen of hearts. Even before Yelena had dealt the river on the table, Zeke had already pushed his pile to the middle. “Raise to a hundred thousand dollars.”
Levi couldn’t win, and just like the hand before, he folded.
It continued with that same pattern for the next ten hands. Zeke started to bait him, going all in towards the fourth hand, enough for Levi to lose all his savings, and Levi would fold. Hands later, Levi had lost the winnings of the first hand, he had absorbed a net loss. Zeke’s large pile was starting to seem more ominous.
Circumstances. The word started to hold more gravity as Levi reflected the unfairness of it all. Zeke wouldn't have minded putting one year’s worth of Levi’s salary in a single round, he had more than enough to spare.
You can’t win against money. What the hell was he thinking, giving up his blinds every single time. Zeke obviously bluffed a few times. No one would be lucky enough to have a streak of good hands.
But which hand? Levi thought loudly to himself, as if by some miracle, a god-sent answer could echo in his head.
“We can do this all night,” Zeke said, his composure once again collected, the exchange of a while ago forgotten.
Levi lost track of the number of hands. A quick look at his chips only made him realize he had forty thousand dollars left. Did he lose that much by just folding?
He would lose a hundred dollars that night if he continued playing but when he willed it, he realized was ready to lose that money. But the more Zeke played, the more he spammed all ins, the more urgent the loss started to seem.
It took a few more handsfor Levi to gather the courage to play, even with the stakes completely against him. Levi spared some thought to calculation, taking from Zeke’s rulebook.
Tells.
Zeke wore a poker face...Nothing there.
Circumstances
He had to do something fast, or risk losing all his money.
Numbers
Most importantly, statistics were on his side. He had opened his new hand to find a pair of aces.
Ace of Clubs. Ace of Spades. Statistically, the best poker hand. He could easily win everything back.
Then came the first three cards.
Ace of Diamonds. Queen of Diamond. Nine of Clubs.
“Raise to ten thousand dollars,” Zeke said.
Three of a kind, with the strongest cards. “Call,” Levi responded.
The next card was dealt. Ten of diamonds.
“Bet twenty thousand dollars,” Zeke said.
“Call,” Levi said again, pushing his pile of chips to the middle of the world. He couldn’t be too sure how he looked then. Were his hands shaking? It wasn’t a graceful movement for sure. He had to push his pile to the middle with three clumsy movements while Zeke did it in one elegant push.
But Levi noted the subtle way at which Zeke raised his eyebrows before they met eyes. And for one second, Levi allowed himself a long stare, a slight movement of his lips, nothing close to a smile. If that one expression would be enough for Zeke to fold and give up everything, it was worth a try.
It wasn’t.
Yelena dropped the last card on the board. An Ace of hearts.
“Raise to one hundred thousand dollars,” Zeke said, notably louder than every other time before.
Enough to make Levi jump, enough for him to doubt. He snuck another look at his cards. Four of a kind. You’re fine. Why was his heart still beating wildly? Why was meeting Zeke’s eyes for a while longer such a harrowing experience?
It’s a poker face. People do this when they play poker. Levi told himself and the longer he was able to convince himself that Zeke knew what he was doing. And maybe it had always been good practice to stay calm, even when everything was stacked against you.
“Showdown,” Yelena said.
Or maybe Zeke just wasn't that connected, especially since nothing much was at stake for him.
It could have been all those guesses, or it could have been the ugly one that opened up in front of them right then and there.
And it looked like Zeke had figured it out first. “Have you heard of the term bad beat?”
Levi was taking longer than usual to make sense of the cards, much slower than usual and maybe it had been the exhaustion of calculating the past almost countless hands.
“There is roughly a four thousand to one chance of getting a four of a kind. But sometimes, people have something better than that… Not often but… It’s still worth considering.”
Something better. And when Levi was considering every hand better than a four of a kind, it became much easier to scan the river then Zeke’s hand for the answer.
Zeke had two cards: King of Diamonds and Jack of Diamonds. A Royal Flush.
“There’s a six hundred thousand to one chance of actually getting a royal flush. First one in my life.” Zeke could have been genuinely amazed, but that big ham reaction had been more than enough to piss Levi off.
It made it difficult to sit still.
“When you consider circumstances, you introspect, you strategize and you pray for a little luck,” Zeke said. “Believe me, you had every other chance to win before. I went all in with the worst cards and you folded every single time. Are you that terrified of losing a few thousand dollars?”
Hundreds of thousands of dollars. Levi corrected in his head. An annual salary’s worth. And maybe that was the point Zeke had wanted to make. By circumstances alone, Zeke had manipulated Levi's choice.
Zeke smirked. “Circumstances rely on luck too and luck is a funny thing. Even if you play everything correctly, you can still lose. Life’s unfair isn’t it.”
“You had less to lose than I did,” Levi said, his lip trembling. “That’s all there is to it. If you lost all the money, you would have put more in.”
“I would have,” Zeke admitted.
“I was playing a losing game.”
“At least you got the lesson. These are your circumstances. Every life lesson everyone should have learned from birth, life isn’t fair. I’m surprised you’re expecting that from a casual game.”
“I never said that. I knew I was playing a losing game and I expected that.” It had taken all his effort to keep his reaction unreadable, and god he wished he had managed it every other time before. “Thank you for the food. Thank you for the game. Thank you for covering for me and Hange.”
With the game over, it didn't look like he felt compelled to wipe that smug grin off his face. And there were things Levi wished he could tell Zeke, and maybe it was worth the risk. “One last thing, I don’t agree with you about relationships, businesses being like games. Loving isn’t a game. When you give all this money to Hange do you expect her to give back? You expect to be able to manipulate relationships through circumstance alone?"
“I told you Ackerman, don’t tell me how to love my partner.”
"I don't have enough fucks to give for every single person in this world. I’m not telling you how to love the person you married because I actually give a fuck about your love life. I’m only telling you how to love your partner because your partner just so happens to be Hange and Hange’s a free bird. She doesn't deserve at all to be loved like that. Don't cage her in with circumstances. Don’t tie her down with money, with a debt of gratitude.” He pushed his seat back and walked away.
“Where are you going?”
“I need some fresh air.”
The sliding door wasn’t locked. He forced it open gently then too hard, enough to make it rattle, He gave one was long look at the infinity pool then leaned his arms on the balcony railings. He took a deep breath.
And that reprieve was just a little too short. It turned out Yelena followed behind him, a piece of paper in hand. “Zeke’s bank details,” she said.
That had seemed too abrupt. But really, what was he supposed to expect, a consolation prize? Hange’s location?
“It would be much easier if you paid immediately,” Yelena said. “Do you have the money on hand?”
He didn’t have the credit rating to pay that in one go. He opened his own banking application and attempted to transfer that much in one go.
Bank error.
“We accept checks,” Yelena said.
Levi had never dealt with checks. His credit card limit was far less than how much he needed to pay. And a few exchanges later, a quick google search later, Levi had figured it out. He could pay by wire transfer but by god, and just the wire transfer would cost him more money than necessary.
Levi was a man of principle though. Slip of paper on hand, Yelena’s contact details on his phone he made his way out of Zeke’s presidential, without even bothering so much as a goodbye. It looked like Zeke had retired to his own private room or study anyway. Did he need that pleasantry from Levi of all people?
On the way back to his own hotel, he took a long cut, through the hotels that connected to one another through glass pathways, a few floors above ground. He made sure to take a longer time than usual, enough time to reflect on his own shitty luck.
A fruitless reflection with a very very repetitive and depressing conclusion. That’s just how life is?
If it hadn't been for those two who had talked a little too loudly by the side, maybe Levi would have deemed it fruitless.
If didn’t look to his right to see the entrance to the casino, if he didn’t walk quickly past the slot machines, taking in the red plush carpet, he would have said it was a total waste of time. The dim room only further accentuated the lights that never seemed to come from an exact same place. The casino had a way of just letting some strange feverish state, some illusion blanket his surroundings.
Hange Zoe. The man at the front had said her name, too proudly, as if in total amazement. For a while, the dazzling casino lights had him doubting that name clipped into one brief exchange. Others seemed to be talking about her too. Then he was following the crowd.
Murmurs of Hange Zoe, none of them demeaning or admonishing. Others seemed breathless, and Levi thought it worth his time, to tiptoe just to see a good look of what they were staring at.
Fruitless.
Levi dove into the crowd, slipping his way through, bending over, moving his hand through when necessary. He never made it to the front, but he did note the messy mop of brown hair, tied into a high ponytail, bent over the table. The autumn jacket, the side profile and the glimmer of some tight lips.
Hange was deep in thought in the middle of what looked to be some poker game. Her own pile of poker chips right next to her, much larger than everyone elses. He knew her enough to make that type of guess.
Circumstances.
Levi decided it would be a waste of time. Circumstances were never his to control anyway. They were Zeke’s, they were hers.
Hange Zoe’s win again.
How many hands had she played before that?
She’s cheating.
No, she’s just lucky.
I heard she calculates every single hand.
Levi felt some sense of superiority, knowing something the murmuring crowds didn’t.
All summarized into three things. Firstly, lady luck was probably on her side, it had always been as if making up a string of misfortunes in a previous life. Secondly, she probably calculated every single hand. Third, Hange would never ever cheat.
And those would be last few thing he would allow himself be proud of. That would be the last time he would think of Hange as someone remotely his.
As Levi turned the heel and walked back to his hotel, he decided, although it wasn’t too fruitless a detour, he still regretted making that quick trip into the casino.
***
If Levi knew he would have felt like shit as soon as he came back from vacation, maybe he never would have gone on that stupid vacation in the first place.
Monday. Monday morning. Those words managed to taste bitter, even when Levi was barely forcing it out of his mouth. It could have been the fact that he barely had time to get over the jet lag or it was just way too early in the morning. Scratch that, it wasn't any of that at all.
Zeke was sitting on the couch, seeming very much unaffected by what should have been transoceanic jet lag and very much unaffected by the words that came out of Erwins house just a second ago.
At first, Levi even doubted what I heard, attributing it to exhaustion. He turned back to Zeke, no sadistic grin, no furrowed brows. He was calm, unimpressed and all business.
"Sorry… it's too early in the morning… I don't think I heard you correctly,” Levi said, an attempt at professionalism even with the trappings of shock, disbelief and very inconvenient drowsiness.
“We don’t usually invite lower management to these types of meetings… But Mr. Jaeger requested you be here, to answer any questions that might pop up...” Erwin said apologetically.
“No. Not that… You mentioned it a while ago...Why is Mr. Jaeger here?”
"We’re making amendments to the contract," Erwin answered.
“And why do you need me here?”
“He’s here to buy the love alarm,” Erwin said so casually that Levi had to clear his throat, get rid of whatever popping sensation had been going on in his ears.
My love alarm. The love alarm he worked more than half a decade on. The love alarm which he knew like the back of his hand, from the backbone of the codes to the front end bugs.
"It's for sale?" Levi spat out. There were only so many ways he could speak and so many ways he could even articulate the emotions running through his head.
Erwin cleared his throat, seeming uncomfortable at such a simple question. "Initially no… we never considered selling it but when Zeke called about it last week, we thought it worth a conversation.” He turned to Zeke then back to Levi. “We were able to run through Zeke’s proposal with the higher ups last Friday, and given the generous proposal, we are more than willing to sell him the rights to the Love Alarm and the Emotions Alarm project.”
How much did he offer? Levi instinctively looked towards Zeke but he soon figured out that no matter what he said, Zeke probably would never disclose the final price. In some vague response, Zeke pulled the brown envelope on the table closer to himself. "Everything has a price,” he said matter-of-factly.
Erwin spoke up. "I did the calculations as soon as I received your call last Thursday and it looks like it would be more than enough to cover what potential earnings we expected within the next two years and more than enough for the development of another project.
Last Thursday night. The night they had met in Zeke’s penthouse suite. Was buying the love alarm an impulse decision on Zeke’s part? The timing just seemed too right.
And they only continued to talk about it, as if Levi wasn’t there. What did an engineer know about business though or about purchases as high volume as the rights to the love alarm?
For something that had taken countless all nighters over time and years of development, the process of selling it just seemed too easy. “Mr. Jaeger, if I may ask, what made you consider buying the love alarm?” Levi asked.
“Hange’s research,” Zeke said, as if it was the most obvious and the most noble reason in the world.
“And when you buy it, what then?” Levi challenged.
“I’ll work with Hange. We’ll hire new developers to fix the bugs you never fixed. We’ll further improve the product and the code and we’ll break the product down, see what else we can use to improve the emotions alarm project.” The answer was disappointing, a far cry from what Levi wanted to hear.
Your other plans with Hange. He had opened his mouth, ready to expound on the question.
Erwin though may have sensed the thick tension between them. "You have the contract?"
Zeke nodded. "I had our lawyer work on it over the weekend, a rush job. You can run through it with the higher ups and I'll have someone pick up a signed copy by this week"
"Believe me, we’re decided, you can even pick it up tomorrow," Erwin said as he opened the envelope, pulled out papers and flipped through the pages. For a second, he dropped the paperwork on the table then onto the page where the executives were expected to sign.
All familiar names from the big wigs all the way, down to Erwin. Levi's name wasn't there at all. Figures, Levi after all, was merely an engineer. He couldn't help but sense irony though in the fact that the one who knew the most about the product had no say in its actual fate.
Erwin's words only made the irony seem more glaring. “We'll use the next two weeks to do some clean up on our end, pack up the resources and work on data migration.”
By ‘we’, Levi knew Erwin would be ordering him to do that.. He couldn’t help but feel slightly cheated though. He would be basically ordered to take apart something he built from scratch, send it off and never see it again. And the longer he stared at the contract that would be ordering all that, the more desolate the air around him seemed to feel.
The product he had worked on for years, taking apart every now and then, breaking and putting back together to find even the smallest bugs, going on countless hours of overtime over, was like a child to him, a child he was unwillingly sending it away to some known.
Some masochistic part of him had him still staring at the contract, long enough still to remember his first contract when he first signed into the company, something that stayed snug into the back of his mind, unexpectedly kicking his arse then.
Ownership of Intellectual Property. Employee agrees that the Company shall own, and Employee shall (and hereby does) assign, all right, title and interest...
Everyone in the room seemed to have too much regard anyway for pleasantries anyway and never felt the need to clarify it. Levi had to rely on his own memory of Zeke saying it just a few days ago in his hotel room.
The company pays you. Any effort, ideas, projects you put into our product is company property.
And Zeke will be buying it so it will be his property.
Whether Zeke even knew how the alarm worked didn’t seem to matter to him though.“So, I guess in a matter two weeks, all server data and resources should be with Jaeger corporation.”
Erwin nodded. “We’d be happy to expedite the process. If all goes well, yes.”
When a huge sum of money was on the line, suddenly red tape was so easy to squeeze one’s way through. It took an enormous amount of effort to stay calm as they signed away the culmination of his own hard work, his countless hours of overtime, the blood, sweat and personal investment he put into that one application, all signed away in a brief second, all the red tape of a few weeks ago, non-existent.
Erwin turned to him, “If you can stay behind after the meeting, so we can discuss the logistics…”
Most days, Levi appreciated the manner at which Erwin spoke, the way he took some regard of Levi’s own time when giving orders. That day, there were too many things happening to even appreciate.
What else do you expect me to do? Say no? Hell, he had wanted to say no, but by the glaring lack of his own name on the contract, the glaring lack of regard for his own opinion on the matter, Levi could only seethe silently.
“Oh yeah,” Zeke snapped his fingers, loud enough to call Levi’s attention. “Hange sends her regards. She enjoyed working with your company a lot.” He turned to Levi and gave him a nod. “And to you too Ackerman, I just have to say we’re very grateful for your hard work and your generosity.”
What generosity? The implication that Levi had any say on commercial decisions seemed mocking.
“We’ll take good care of both applications,” Zeke continued. “And regards from Hange, she wishes you all the best with Petra.”
Petra. Levi let out a cough, letting out a subtle look at Erwin. If the latter did seem bothered, he didn’t show it.
With that, Zeke left the room, and Levi started to understand how someone could keep such a confident demeanor even with the slightest inconveniences. Somehow, having that many assets, wealth and power under one’s belt really had that paper.
The way he strode, embodied it, the way that in just a few phone calls, he had completely dismantled everything Levi had worked on, making it his own.
And when he closed the door gently behind him, leaving Levi and Erwin alone in the room, Levi was reminded once again, the love alarm, the emotion alarm, were never his, as much as he would have wanted to claim ownership.
They were never his, but suddenly they were Zeke’s. Levi turned to Erwin, narrowing his eyes, as he watched the blonde make his way to the desk. Erwin seemed uncomfortable as if he sensed the strange betrayal that something so standard as corporate procedure could bring. Then he cleared his throat and spoke up.
Two weeks. Levi was given two weeks to clean everything, migrate all data and vacate the office.
It was the company's project but it was Levi's responsibility. There was a broken partnership which somehow ended with two products sold. Yet even with all the damage dealt by that deal, the management needed some scapegoat from within the company.
Erwin had explained everything with as professional of a face as possible. With the tight lipped attempt at a grin that followed, the way he had avoided Levi’s eyes one too many times, Levi suspected Erwin knew more than he was letting on.
The photos maybe? The bug with Hange? The broken partnership? Of course someone would end up having to take the blame for giving Zeke a ‘bugged’ application.
Too many reasons, many among those rooted in some attempt to save face, in filthy office politics. And by then, Levi hadn’t been expecting too much.
That probably had been the reason that when Erwin looked back at him with a much softer expression, Levi couldn’t help but let out a long sigh, something to abate whatever emotion was threatening to let loose.
I didn’t think it was right for the mastermind behind the application to be terminated completely empty handed.
Erwin had arranged for some severance pay after the two weeks were over.
Enough to get out of the country, start somewhere else.
A job termination shouldn’t have been enough to be driven out of the country. Levi didn’t make too much sense of Erwin’s words until he had experienced it for himself a week later, through an empty email inbox after sending out the same resume to twenty companies for over thirty roles.
Have you heard of a no poach agreement? Erwin had asked back in the office.
A no poach agreement?
It’s technically illegal so this usually comes as a verbal agreement among companies. They’d note their best employees and if they have to let one go, all companies agree, they cannot hire them for a certain period of time, five to seven years. It's a 'scratch my back, I'll scratch yours' type of deal.
To keep company secrets apparently or to keep Levi from making a similar application in any other company.
If you want to continue working in the development industry, your best chance would be abroad.
Around one week left before his termination would become effective and Levi gave up on finding a development job in his city, hell even his country. Around that time he had started to clean up his studio apartment, throwing out whatever was needed.
He started looking through immigration laws, consulting when necessary. He looked through apartments in other cities, then labor laws. The severance pay was more than enough at least to get him out, and Erwin had been a big help in straightening other legalities out.
He had an extra few weeks to clean out his room, pack up his things, straighten out immigration issues and buy a damn ticket out of there.
In between, his final week at work. He had never considered leaving his job of over a decade to have ended such a long bittersweet moment. In reality, he never really had the time to appreciate normalcy and he felt some regret at that.
Migrating server data, resources, making sure everyone under him had straightened out their leaves, making sure they were assigned to new projects took time. Allowing himself reprieves in-between to just sit down, and stare at half filled boxes also took longer and more effort than he had expected it too.
He stared at the ever increasing boxes that lined his office walls for a while longer. Surprisingly, for someone so fastidious, he had a lot he needed to clean out, both inside the computer and outside.
You will lose all accesses, to emails, to chat accounts and to company property by end of day Friday. He got that same message, in different forms from human resources, from Erwin and Levi was on a strict time limit to get everything out.
In some protest, some act of empowering rebellion, Levi was taking his sweet time. He continued to reserve conference rooms, staying out of his own room as much as possible, going through each line of code slowly as if he they were all individuals all deserving of their own greeting.
He started with the backend, then went to the frontend. He looked through the pull requests and the merge requests and the fixes that would never make the next release.
And Friday couldn’t have come any faster. By then, Levi had ninety percent of  his office space cleaned out. He entered the room to find his own team lugging out some of the boxes.
100 percent done then? Levi thought to himself.
Eld was the first one to speak up. “We thought you’d need some help. We heard you only had until five to vacate the room." Yet, he had the expression of a guilty child caught taking cookies from the cookie jar at midnight.
His whole team looked similar.
Levi shook his head. "No, this is much appreciated," he said. A stiff choice of words if he did say so himself but the last few hours of work weighed on him more heavily than the days leading up to it.
He only had two hours before he lost access to everything he had worked on for years.
He held his work laptop close to himself as he watched them lug box after box out of the room.
"Eld was suggesting we go get something to eat tonight," Gunther suggested.
"That depends…" Levi started. Definitely, whether he enjoyed it depended on how quickly he could brush off that weight then that tightening in his chest. "Have you talked to your new team leads? Your new managers?" he asked, an attempt at a light conversation. He wondered if his expression betrayed his words.
Maybe they did. "Or we could wait a few days," Eld said.
"We'll see. We have a few more hours before the end of day," Levi said. He slipped past them and walked back into his office.
Shelves empty, desk spotless and even the floor shone with some unsettling gleam. It had always been spotless, he made sure of it but there had always been something melancholic about rooms that had been full for years, suddenly empty.
And until a few weeks ago, the room had felt like Hange. He had deliberately left many of the crooked books on the shelf, the crooked documents, the titled reusable paper tray and the test devices messily lined up on the shelfs because Hange had left it that way.
And the whiteboard right next to his desk which Hange had failed to clean many weeks before was suddenly wiped clean. Levi didn't even noticed he let out a sound, a mix between a gasp and a whimper when he saw Hange's list of emails completely gone, erased over.
"You okay in there, boss?" Petra asked.
"Someone cleaned the whiteboard," Levi said.
"Oluo, I told you he'd point out your shitty job cleaning the board!" Petra said, from just outside.
Oluo responded. "Well, he's not going to be using it anymore so I though--- Ow!" Some silence followed, then approaching footsteps. "Sorry sir, I'll clean it again."
"No, it's fine," Levi said, he put his hand up, as if to stop Oluo from making that quick trek back to the white board. "I'll clean up the rest. Thanks for the help."
For once, he was grateful for someone's carelessness. The white board wasn't as clean as he thought it was a second ago and maybe because he would have rather it wasn't clean.
Hange wrote in crooked lines where ends hit one another, others fell and the fonts and sizes were never too similar from one line to the other. And the closer Levi came to the whiteboard, he noticed it, one email peeking out, spared by the shoddy erasing job.
Wingsoffreedom132
Hange had multiple emails she used for testing and when Levi opened his work laptop one last time, enjoying the last few hours of access as he cleaned up folders and code repositories, he found himself looking back at the email.
Does she still use it? He asked himself
Maybe. It was worth a try at least.
He looked once again around the room, the very empty room. Then he looked back at his screen, opened the repositories that were ready to be sent out to the point person from Jaeger corporation.
Then he opened his own personal folder, the unfinished codes from the love alarm then the mood alarm then the plans, the files and on the upper left of the file 'the Mood Alarm.'
To hell, with red tape, bureaucracy and all that shit. It was his project, right at his fingertips. It wasn’t Zeke’s nor was it management. The only reason they probably hadn’t sacked him on the spot was because he was the only one who could have so efficiently organized it before they sent it off to some poor sap who worked under Jaeger corporation.
He allowed himself one rebellion, or more specifically a string of rebellions.
If he were forced by some bureaucracy to send all the resources of the love alarm and the mood alarm to Hange, he would do it on his own terms.
He disconnected from the office wifi. He opened a hotspot then he opened his own personal email. Opening an incognito tab, he transferred all the codes and resources to his own personal repository, organizing it in a similar manner.
Then copied the link and started to compose an email.
All the codes for the love alarm
He pasted the link right below.
All codes for mood alarm.
And below it, he pasted another link.
He waited for a few more seconds as the email loaded the attachment, the file with all the plans he had for the mood alarm, allowing himself a small smile as he imagined Hange pondering the name 'mood alarm.'
He vacillated between writing a message under and keeping it brief. Then a second later, his fingers moved for him, he didn't even realize what he had been writing until it was on the page, ending on a period for finality.
“Dedicate your heart.” He read it out loud, then he felt a pang on his chest and a twist at his gut.
Dedicate your heart to what? He didn't want Hange dedicating her heart to anything. He wanted her free, flying high, doing whatever the hell she wanted to, bound by no role, no debt of gratitude, no excuse for love.
Reach for the sky? Hell, she could probably even make it to the stars.
So he went for something that left him cringing.
Reach for the stars (or anything higher than that).
Then he added something, collateral from that rush of indignance.
Don’t let anything stop you. Just remember, I would have given you all these damn codes for free.
After sending the email, he took a few precautions. He cleared his history, his cache, his browser and he deleted the rest of the files in his laptop. With one hour before the end of day, he turned off the laptop.
“Do you need any more help?” Petra had entered the room, hands behind her back in some very faux casual manner. And she seemed to be avoiding his gaze.
Levi used that moment to wipe that last line of Hange’s email, as if that could have been evidence to that bout of rebellion. “I’m done. Let’s leave the rest to whoever will be cleaning up the desk.”
Petra didn’t seem at all suspicious, or maybe she didn’t care. “That’s good. WIll you be joining us for dinner?”
Levi nodded. “Maybe my leaving is worth a dinner.”
“You’re really leaving?”
“Looks like it.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I bought a plane ticket, secured a visa. I'll go somewhere, far from here, then find a job or maybe work freelance.
“I want you to stay here.”
“I wanna stay here too,” Levi admitted. “But I couldn’t even find a job.”
“I’ll miss having you here… And working with that love alarm. I really believed in the product and it made me realize my own feelings too,” Petra leaned by the window, looking worse for wear.
When Levi gave a long look, he noted maybe she had been crying. He almost felt guilty for not even struggling to fight back tears then.
Maybe his body had already reached the point of pure catatonic, pure acceptance at the hopelessness of the situation. “I’m sorry.” What was he saying sorry for? “I mean— I’m sorry I can’t stay.”
Petra took a deep breath. “This is probably the only time I can say something so I’ll say it now and you know, if you believe in your love alarm, you probably figured it out already,” Petra started. “I like you, I really like you. Actually you know what, it might be love. I don’t know if that would change anything—”
“It won’t.” Levi kept his voice firm. “I bought the ticket. I organized my papers and I have a place to stay. I’m leaving.”
“For good?” Petra had on a wounded look, her mouth twisted into something similar to a pout, by her eyes were elsewhere as if she knew there was a little too much vulnerability in her voice. “So, whatever I feel, it won’t change anything?”
Levi shook his head. “I don’t think it would be fair to you if I accept your feelings. I’m in no hurry to date.” He let out a clipped sardonic laugh. “At this point, I’ll probably die alone.”
“You deserve—”
“And you deserve someone who wouldn’t decide to date you for convenience.” Maybe Levi had been a little too frank at that moment.
Petra didn’t respond, her mouth frozen in a tight lipped line.
“The love alarm will be back so maybe you can use that to find someone else whose alarm rings with yours,” Levi continued, his voice deliberately gentler. “Or what about growing something organically, without the help of that stupid app. I honestly think, sometimes the love alarm causes more chaos than actually fixes things.” He shrugged. “It depends on the circumstances really.”
Circumstances he probably would never understand. He turned back to the black screen and reflected for a long painful moment about it. He was a slave to circumstance.
They were silent for a while longer and Levi used that time to recover, willing himself not to meet Petra's eyes.
She broke the silence a few seconds later. “We’ll meet you by the gate for dinner?”
“I’ll see you then, just give me an hour or so,” Levi said, checking the clock on his phone. He had a little more than an hour left before EOD. “Or just text me when you find a restaurant.”
It took a little longer to convince Petra to leave and it had ended with them having to text Levi a familiar restaurant name.
Levi had taken his time doing nothing at all, just sitting on his office chair in his bare office room. He counted down the minutes on his phone until five. A few times he had even stared at the seconds counting down on the digital clock view on his phone.
Around a minute past five. He booted his laptop again, typed out his email and password.
Access Denied. Please contact your IT Administrator.
At exactly five in the afternoon, he lost access to the system. He took a deep breath and let reality weigh him slowly, then sink deep into him in one swift sensation.
The love alarm and the mood alarm were never his. Any delusion that they were his had dissipated with all the company accesses.
***
In an airport, the point past immigration is international space.
Maybe that explained that strange liberation that came with getting past immigration and walking through the gates, searching for his own. Or it could have been many things at once. He was out of his old job, out of his old environment and somehow, in its own way, it symbolized a new beginning.
Even as an international space though, some things weren’t completely unavoidable. Settling on the departure gate, Levi went through some final checklists on his phone.
He had a new bank account. He had a place to stay as soon as he landed.
And his inbox was a confluence of unread mail. Many of them were goodbyes, from colleagues, some from finance, from human resources, from his own team and he wondered how the hell people found out and what they were thinking about his leaving.
Erwin sent a few tips on taxes and getting housing loans. Petra had sent a ‘safe flight’ message with the same pleasantries of meeting up when she gets to visit.
There was one message was avoiding and he decided to open it last. He spent the first few minutes before that spamming the same thank you message to every single goodbye message.
That one other message after all, was easy to ignore, just a bank notification that money had been wire transferred.
One hundred thousand dollars, the exact money he had lost and sent over to Yelena, he realized as he opened the message and put a little more thought into it.
You have two weeks to claim it. Two weeks? The countdown started a week ago and he only had a week to claim it.
Actually, not even a week. Looking up at the boarding time, he realized he only had an hour. He could probably organize something to have it sent over to his new account. Considering timing and the logistics though was stressful enough already. And besides, his mind found it more enticing to just indulge the context behind such a large sum of money.
It could have been a scam. The amount of money though had seemed too much of a coincidence and admittedly, Levi was a still lovesick.
Don’t send me money. Just fucking talk to me. Levi whispered to himself. Just in case, just in case that was Hange.
In some indignant response, he decided to delete the message and instead, spend last few hours going through some obscure threads on the industry. Something he had been actively avoiding.
Business Jaeger Zeke Jaeger acquires the love alarm… The mogul had found a fatal bug on the love alarm…
In a noble effort to improve the efficacy and accuracy of the product, he took it upon himself to oversee development….
Head developer behind the love alarm has been terminated....
Unnamed developer. He had at least been given that much. Levi let out a sigh. For a high profile application, no one really figured out the name of the head developer. It was a thankless job but Levi never thought too much about the glory of it.
And at that moment, he could only be grateful for the anonymity, whether or not Zeke had done it deliberately.
Plane ready for boarding.
They would be starting with first class passengers first and Levi knew he had more than enough time to take a trip, to the farthest trash can, yet still something near enough to catch the flight.
He unzipped the front pocket of his backpack, pulling out a small sim card pin. He poked it, pulling out the tray, noting the bronze sheen of the sim card. It had taken him a few tries to hold the small card between his fingers and a few more tries to bend it between his fingers, bend it to the point of unusable.
He pocketed his phone and quickly made his way back to the boarding gate.
No bank account. No phone number. He wondered why he went through that much of an effort to destroy everything.
Maybe just for an attempt for a new beginning. Or maybe because he didn’t want her to find him.
The more he thought about it though, the sooner he realized he wanted her to find him. He just thought it better to assume that she wouldn’t even try.
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twistedlymad · 4 years
Text
Kingdom Hearts Crossover (Ft. Grim, Ace, Deuce, Jack, Epel and Sebek) (Special Ft. Sora, Donald and Goofy)!
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Oh my, this certainly took me some time. I’m so sorry for it too, because you see, I’m not really a part of the KH fandom, I mean, I know what characters are there and all but I don’t know the plot
So for you all, my dear readers, I did research. A lot of research. I went from wiki to wiki to videos! I tried to weave the best story I can muster with my limited knowledge of Kingdom Hearts!
I thank you all once again for waiting for me and I do hope this stories lives up to your expectations everyone! Thank you for requesting this dear anon! It was lovely writing this crossover uwu (Plus there’s 3.5k++ words here)
Have a lovely day everyone!
Story is under the cut!!
“Stupid Headmaster…” Mumbled a certain little furball.
You and Grim were cleaning the Mirror Chamber one day, it was a punishment given to the two of you due to Grim who got into a fight with some upperclassmen because they just so happened to buy the last Deluxe Tuna Sandwich during lunch break. The furball had wanted to sneakily swap the sandwich with his bun but he was caught midway. A small fight occurred but thankfully Crowley had managed to stop the fight before it got uncontrollable.
However, no one got away scot free, the upperclassmen were tasked to clean up the laboratory after Professor Crewel’s classes for a day while you and Grim were stuck with cleaning the Mirror Chamber and taking care of the mirrors for a day.
“You have no right to talk here Grim…” You said in response to the mumblings of the furball.
“But, I was quick! I wouldn’t have got caught if it wasn’t for that one student behind the target!” Grim said, you just sighed and gently knocked the furball on his head.
“You should’ve just had the bun instead of pulling anything. Seriously, I’m beginning to think I’ve given you too much freedom, I should restrain that a bit… How does having tuna for breakfast for two days a week sound?” You asked with a small smirk.
“TWO DAYS A WEEK? NO! YOU CAN’T TAKE MY TUNA AWAY FROM ME!” Grim yelled out with widened eyes, looking straight at you.
“Then, let’s quickly finish the job in peace, please.” You said and went back to sweeping the floor. Grim hummed a hum of agreement as he grabbed a nearby cloth and began to wipe a mirror.
The two of you worked in silence, wanting to get the job done quickly and go back to your welcoming dorm. But, after sweeping for a while, you heard Grim let out one of his infamous yelps.
“Fgnaaaa!”
You sighed and set your broom aside before turning to the furball.
“Grim, what’s wron-“ You stopped your sentence midway as you saw the mirror began to glow brightly.
“Grim, what did you do?!” You frantically asked the furball.
“I didn’t do anything! The Mirror glowed on its own!” Grim responded as the mirror started to shake slightly, the two of you slowly backed away from the mirror.
And all of a sudden, three figures came flying out of the mirror, you and Grim managed to quickly dodge away before the figures hit you. The figures hit the ground and groans of pain can be heard.
“Goofy… What did you touch?” A voice asked from the pile.
“Gawrsh, I don’t know, all I did was walk near this Mirror-” Another voice replied, but was cut off by a third voice.
“It’s always Goofy who gets us in these situations.” The figures began to slowly get up.
You and Grim were still staring at them in shock, your minds were trying to figure out what had possibly happened. After hearing what the second voice had said, you were slightly convinced that it wasn’t Grim who messed up this time.
Yet, you weren’t sure what to think of these figures, after all, you didn’t know if they were friends or enemies.
The figures then slowly stood up and brushed themselves off with their backs facing you, as they did so, you managed to get a good look at them. It did give you quite the shock when you realized they were quite an odd bunch. Standing in front of you was a boy, a duck and a tall figure? Your hands immediately went to shield Grim, you weren’t taking any chances, especially with such an odd bunch.
“I think we should really ask Yen Sid about that mirror…” The boy said as he rubbed his head. The trio continued to bicker for a little before realizing that they weren’t alone in the room. The trio immediately ceased their chatter as they slowly turned their heads to face you.
You gulped a little as they did so, you couldn’t get any words out of your mouth as you were afraid of what their next course of action was, your brain was already silently working out possible escape plans if they happened to be enemies.
Grim noticed that you’ve frozen up and came to your aid in asking the strangers questions.
“Yanno, who are you guys? And what’re you doing here?” Grim said, emerging from your shielding hands.
“Woah… A talking cat!” The boy exclaimed as he saw the furball. Grim immediately ticked by hearing his comment.
“How dare you? I am not a cat! Fgnaaaaaa!” Grim said and used his signature fire magic on the figures. As he did so, the figures managed to dodge out of the way… Well, except the duck. The fire magic hit the duck and caused his butt to catch on fire.
The duck immediately runs around the chamber, screaming incoherently, like a madman. Your eyes widen at the sight as Grim only smirks at his ‘accomplishment’.
“Donald! Wait! I’ll put out the fire!” Said the boy as he summoned a large key of sorts in his hands and pointed the key towards the duck. The key glowed as a splash of water was then thrown towards the duck from said key. You were amazed at this, never had you seen this key of sorts, let alone the magic that was used to put out the fire.
“Thank you Sora… NOW! YOU!” After thanking the boy, the duck immediately faced you, pointing his finger towards Grim.
“Fgnaaaa!” Grim immediately jumped to action, but, before he could do anything, you had stopped him.
“Grim, stop.” You said and picked him up into your arms once again, securing him in his place.
“I’m sorry, Grim’s like this sometimes.” You apologized to the figures, the boy immediately shook his head.
“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called your familiar a cat.” The boy apologized in return. 
"No, it's fine." You said with a smile and petted Grim's head in hopes of calming the furball down. "So, what brings the three of you to Night Raven College?" You asked the trio. 
"College?" They asked you in return, shocking you slightly. 
"Why, yes, Night Raven College, a prestigious magic school in Twisted Wonderland." You continued your statement. 
"Twisted Wonderland?" They asked you once again, making you stare at them with widened eyes. How could they not know the place, let alone the world that they were in?
Then, it hit you, what if they weren’t from here? What if they were like you, from another world and they have no memory of their home world? That would explain the unusual magic that the boy had just used..
“I assume you are all not from here then?” You questioned and the trio replied to you with shaking heads. You nodded in return, looks like your theory was correct, they weren’t from Twisted Wonderland.
“Well, what are your names then?” You asked the trio.
“I’m Sora! And these are my friends, Donald and Goofy!” The boy introduced himself and his friends to you. You smiled and nodded.
“Nice to meet you Sora, my name is (Y/N).” You introduced yourself.
“And I am The Great Grim! The greatest mage that has ever graced your eyes! Be grateful!” Grim said proudly from your shoulders, you shook your head and knocked the furball’s head lightly.
“And this is Grim.” You said to Sora. The latter just nodded and smiled at you.
“Nice to meet you all.” Sora said, bowing slightly.-
“Same goes to you and welcome to Night Raven College.” You smiled in return. “Now, let’s head out to find the headmaster, maybe he has a way to send you guys back to your home world.” You said and the four of you walked out of the mirror chamber and headed towards the headmaster’s office.
Along the way to the headmaster’s office, you had to pass through mainstreet as it was the fastest route from the Mirror Chamber to the office. As you passed through, you had taken it upon yourself to introduce Night Raven College to the newcomers.
“There are a total of 7 main dormitories at Night Raven College. Each dormitory was modelled after one of the Great 7.” You said as you reached the statues of the Great 7. You then started to introduce every dormitory that Night Raven College had offered on its campus. 
You told them about the set of 810 rules that Heartslabyul had to follow, the rough fights and high ego of Savanaclaw, the hard work of members in Mostro Lounge in Octavinelle, the chaotic everyday scenarios of Scarabia, the advanced technology of Ignihyde and the mysterious aura of Diasomnia. 
“The Mirror of Darkness will not only determine which dormitory a student will be staying at based on their souls, it will also determine whether or not you are to be enrolled at Night Raven College as well.” You ended your small little introduction of the dormitories. “Of course, the Mirror of Darkness is the same mirror that transported you guys here, maybe you guys have the traits of being a student here.” You added with a small laugh.
“Gawrsh, all these dormitories seem so different from each other and so unique!” Goofy said in awe.
“They’re all so interesting! Each dormitory was based on different aspects of different legends.” Sora nodded as he continued to look at the statues of the Great 7.
“That’s great and all, but, I have one question.” Said Donald. “Why do you only have statues of villains?” 
“Now that you mention it Donald, yeah! All these dormitories are based on the villains that we fought, especially her.” Sora said as he pointed towards the statue of the Witch of Thorns. You and Grim shared a look of confusion.
“What do you mean by villains?” Grim asked.
“More importantly, you’ve met with the Great 7?” You added on.
“Yes, but they’re not as magnificent and great as you described them to be.” Goofy said, making you and Grim tilt your heads in confusion.
“What do you mean?” You asked. The trio shared a few glances between each other before nodding their heads together.
“You see, in our world, these 7 legends of yours, are villains.” Your eyes widen at Sora’s words.
“So you’re saying that the Great 7 exist in your world?” Grim questioned the trio.
“A-Hyuck! That’s correct!” Goofy said. Sora then began to tell you all about his, Goofy’s and Donald’s adventures, how they traveled between worlds, ridding them of the Darkness that once inhabited in said worlds and restoring Light in them, how they met with different allies to aid them in battle as well as different enemies who tried to interrupt their plans.
“In our world, these legends will do anything to get their desires. The Witch of Thorns, or as we may call her as Maleficent, has even used a magic called darkness to achieve her goals as she leads all these other legends.” Sora said. “And their goals are usually evil.” You nodded slightly after hearing Sora’s adventures with his friends. Truth be told, you were introduced to a new side of the Great 7. Ever since you arrived at Twisted Wonderland, you were given the impression where the Great 7 were these all-powerful beings that everyone absolutely respected and adored. 
“But, that shows that they work hard and are willing to do anything to get their goals done though.” You said. “We can’t just focus on the content of their goals and not their hard work.” 
“Well, when you put it that way-” Donald started, but he was cut off by shouts and yells of students running past the 5 of you.
“Huh?” You questioned as you watched the panicking and chaotic students.
“(Y/N)! Grim! There you are!” A familiar voice yelled out your names from afar. The 5 of you turned your heads to the source of the voice. Running towards you were two of your best friends, Ace and Deuce. The two slowed down their running as they approached you.
“Ace? Deuce? What’s going on?” You asked the breathless boys.
“There are these black, dark creatures roaming around campus and they’re attacking the other students!” Ace panted out. “Epel, Jack, Sebek and our upperclassmen are fighting them right now and they sent us to get you.” Deuce added on. Sora and his friends shared worried glances as they heard Ace’s description of the creatures.
“But, why find us? Where’s the headmaster?” You asked the Heartslabyul duo.
“He’s busy evacuating some of the students as we speak.” Deuce said as his eyes shifted their focus to the trio that you were just talking with. “Who are you guys?” Deuce asked the trio, but Sora, Donald and Goofy were too deep in thought to answer.
“Do you think it’s them?” Goofy asked his friends.
“The description matches them perfectly.” Donald replied.
“Maybe. We have to check.” Sora concluded. The trio nodded and turned to face the two Heartslabyul dorm members.
“Can you lead us to these creatures?” Sora asked Ace and Deuce, his, Goofy’s and Donald’s faces showed grim and serious looks. You were slightly taken aback, even though you only knew them for a little bit, you could tell that something wrong is happening right now. Deuce and Ace looked at each other before nodding and nudging you guys to follow them.
After running a while, you guys arrived at the field. Magic spells were flying from everywhere! The critters that Ace and Deuce had described were littered all across the field as well. You held Grim closer to you and took a step back upon seeing this, never have you ever seen anything this chaotic. Epel, Sebek and Jack were in the midst of this chaos, trying to fend off these creatures.
“Epel! Jack! Sebek!” You yelled towards them. The three first years heard you and immediately turned to look at you.
“(Y/N)!!” They said, throwing off the creatures and rushed over to you. You could tell that they had tried their best in fending off the creatures as they were tired and out of breath.
“These things… There’s… Too many of them.” Epel panted out as Jack and Sebek furiously nodded their heads. You took a look around the chaotic field once again.
“W-What are those?” You stuttered.
“I knew it, it was them after all.” Sora said. You and Grim were puzzled when you heard that.
“Sora? You know what these creatures are?” Grim asked the boy.
“Yes, they’re called Heartless.” Sora said. “Their goal is to seek and consume hearts as well as seek darkness to overthrow the Realm of Light.” 
“Which means, they’re bad guys.” Donald said and Sora nodded.
“But, why are they here?” You asked.
“We’re not sure, Heartless tend to linger everywhere.” Sora answered.
“And right now, our job is to stop them.” Goofy said.
“How do we do that?” Ace asked. Sora only smiled and summoned his key-like weapon.
“Just hit them with magic, they should disappear after doing so.” Sora said and lounged at a Heartless, the boy then swung his blade at the creature, making the creature disappear in a puff of darkness. 
“See?” Sora said. Ace and Deuce simply nodded.
“Well, Deuce, looks like your cauldron magic is gonna become useful.” Ace said to Deuce with a smirk.
“And for once, your wind magic is used for good.” Deuce retorted. You and Grim could only roll your eyes at their antics. 
“Save your love-bickering for later you two yanno?” Grim said and you, Sora, Goofy and Donald snickered. Epel, Jack and Sebek were trying their best to not laugh as well. Ace and Deuce immediately turned their heads to face Grim.
“Why you little-” They started but you cut them off.
“Guys, I think we should focus on clearing these creatures first, save the bicker for later.” You said and they only pouted and huffed.
“Hmph, fine.” The two Heartslabyul members said.
“Now, let’s go kick some Heartless butts!” You said and the others cheered along you. After your little cheer, the 10 of you charged together into the battlefield between mages and Heartlesses. 
You all worked hand-in-hand in vanquishing these creatures with Sora, Donald and Goofy leading the way as you guys backed them up. Your group had magic flying out in all directions, hitting the Heartless that once surrounded you and making them vanish into puffs of darkness. The boys always kept their magic pens at the ready, firing at each and every Heartless they encountered and with your clear instructions, they were able to shoot clear shots at the creatures. With this teamwork between the 10 of you, it didn't take too much time for you guys to rid the field of its newcomers. 
Once Sora had swung his weapon at the last Heartless, you guys all jumped with joy, wide and bright smiles plastered on your faces. 
"We did it!" You cheered with your friends. Sora, Donald and Goofy joined in on the cheer. 
“Great job everyone!” Sora said and you all just smiled in return.
“Hmm, yes, excellent job indeed.” A new voice piped up from behind you. You and your friends immediately turned your heads to face the source of the voice. 
"Headmaster!" You and your friends yelled out as you saw the Headmaster standing behind 
"Such teamwork from you all, I am truly touched…" The Headmaster said, wiping a tear away from his eyes. You and your friends deadpanned at the sight. You heard someone clear their throat and turned to see Sora, Donald and Goofy staring at you with confusion plastered on their faces. Only then did you remember that you had wanted to find the Headmaster in order to find a way home for them. 
“Ah, Headmaster Crowley. I was just looking for you.” You spoke, catching the attention of the headmaster.
“Hmm? What is it (L/N)-san?” The headmaster replied.
“You see, these three came to our world through one of the mirrors in the Mirror Chamber.” You said and gestured to the trio. “We were searching for you to see if you knew a way for them to go back.” 
Crowley then took a look at the trio, inspecting them. His eyes then eventually landed on Sora’s weapon, as he did though, his eyes widened in amazement.
“My, is that…” Crowley paused for a moment. “Is that a keyblade that you’re wielding there?” The headmaster asked, pointing towards the weapon in Sora’s hands.
“A key what now?” Ace asked.
“A keyblade is a weapon that can only be wielded by certain chosen individuals who are strong of heart.They are commonly used to fight off darkness as well as unlock any lock in the world. These blades are imbued with magic as well.” Crowley explained. “It is certainly a rare sight to see one, let alone seeing a child wield such a powerful weapon.” Crowley smiled towards Sora.
“Ah… Thank you?” Sora said nervously, slightly tightening his clutch on his keyblade.
“No need to be afraid. I will not try to steal your keyblade, after all, I have no use for that weapon.” Crowley said with a reassuring smile to Sora.
“Ah, well, thank you.” Sora replied whilst dismissing his keyblade.
“Now, I believe we can find a way home for you, please follow me back to the Mirror Chamber.” Crowley said and turned to walk towards the Mirror Chamber. You gave Sora and his friends a smile and started trailing behind the headmaster back to the Mirror Chamber along with them and your friends.
When you all arrived, Crowley told Sora to step in front of the mirror and asked him to think about his home planet. Sora did as he was told, shortly after, the mirror glowed a bright white colour, engulfing the Chamber with light. As the light faded, you could see that there are sandy beaches on the other side of the mirror.
“Destiny Islands!” Sora said out loud.
“Well, step through the portal and you’ll be home.” Crowley said to the trio. “I have to go now, do help me to give Yen Sid my greetings.” Crowley continued and walked out of the Mirror Chamber. Sora, Donald and Goofy were just staring blankly at his leaving figure.
“He knew Yen Sid??” Donald asked.
“I didn’t know either, in fact, Yen Sid has never mentioned him.” Sora replied and turned to face you and your friends.
“Well, I guess this is goodbye, it was nice meeting you guys!” Sora said.
“Who knew that we had different opinions on certain stuff.” Donald continued.
“A-Hyuck! Yea! It’s really nice to learn that we all have our own opinions on the Great 7.” Goofy said with a smile.
“It was lovely to meet you guys as well.” You smiled at Sora, Donald and Goofy. “Thank you for your help in defeating those creatures.” You bowed slightly to them.
“It’s no problem, after all, it was our duty to do so.” Sora said, rubbing the back of his head.
“Well, we wish you the best.” You said, waving a little.
“Feel free to drop by anytime!” Grim added on.
“Thank you.” Sora said as he, Donald and Goofy turned to face the mirror.
“May your heart be your guiding key.” The trio said as they stepped into the mirror, rejoining their friends in their own world.
~Bonus~
During the fight against the Heartless, Ace at one point got competitive against Donald. 
Donald was clearly doing better at vanquishing the Heartless, so the duck taunted the Heartslabyul first-year
Ace got all angry and frustrated, due to the taunt and frustration from vanquishing the Heartless. He let his frustration get to him and yelled out: “BUT YOU’RE JUST A DUCK!”
“A duck?! WHY YOU LITTLE-” insert angry Donald noises here 
It took you, Grim, Sora, Goofy, Deuce, Epel, Jack and Sebek to stop the fight between the Heartlabyul dorm member and the duck. 
Oh don’t worry though, the two got a good earful from you, so all is well.
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