#my brain is not built for weekly updates
Text
I miss him...
#i caught up with the manga and i don't know what to do anymorw#my brain is not built for weekly updates#aki hayakawa#chainsaw man#chainsaw man fanart#digital art#illustration#my art
187 notes
·
View notes
Text
Legacies | Eleven
Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter
Pairing: Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x Kazansky!OC
Summary: The time for the mission has come. While the team risks their life, coming too close to death, Jake is left to deal with the guilt his reaction left him with.
Warnings: military inaccuracies, mentions of dying, mentions of parental death/parental loss, mentions of killing someone in combat, air combat, dealing with the aftermath of it
Wordcount: 3.1k
If you enjoyed reading this, please consider leaving a comment or reblogging. I don’t allow for my content to be copied, translated, or reposted on other websites/apps. I ALSO DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR THE USE OF AI IN ANY OF MY WORKS! Please don’t steal my work.
A/N: I already mentioned it in another chapter, but I think now the time has come to permanently implement and switch to a bi-weekly update schedule. One week is just too little for me to adequately write the chapters (to my standards) without stressing myself out. I'm going to try to stick with the update times but if needed I'll postpone it for the sake of good quality content.
Taglist: open, message me or comment to be added, will be put as reblog
True to his words Ana didn’t return to the base following the funeral. But contrary to them, Hangman wasn’t happy with the situation.
It bothered him.
His anger toward her had long vanished, leaving behind dread and a new annoyance focused solely on himself and his stupid actions.
Mixing with it was the feeling of irritation he felt now that she was missing. It felt different without her there. They were missing one person in their group and everyone was well aware of it. Hangman perhaps most of them all.
Never before in his life had he been so affected by the lack of one's presence. The moment she’d been officially taken out of the lineup for the mission he’d nearly stormed out of the room. Guilt and shame fought to overtake him. To no little part he’d been at fault for her absence, he was well aware of it.
Even though his rational thinking wanted to tell him that the loss of her father was reason alone to sit out a mission with such dire stakes, where even one millisecond of distraction could cost one’s life, the other parts of his brain screamed at him.
Your fault.
It bothered Hangman. More than he’d ever admit and more than he could ever possibly hide. Her absence left a gaping hole unable to be otherwise filled. It felt different without her there. Empty.
In the days to follow he’d been an emotional wreck. Constantly irritable, tense, and snippy. A fuse so short anyone breathing in his direction was bound to set him off. He dangled on a dangerous path toward exploding at any moment.
Not even his otherwise impermeable cocky attitude, the mask he had built up so meticulously, could hide his true emotions. For the first time since he became Hangman, his walls weren’t enough.
None of the others could be blamed for his irritability. Once more it was his own fucking fault. He, all alone, was to blame for it. And perhaps that was what made it this bad. Well aware of his role in the dilemma, Hangman couldn’t help but still be upset about it.
If he was honest with himself he had never been angry at her, not directly. He’d been angry with the situation. Not understanding it and on top of it misinterpreting it. On any other occasion he would have forgotten it, let it be, and moved on. But he couldn’t.
He could not move on from this.
Not with Ana.
He couldn’t do that to her and he couldn’t do it to himself. But there also wasn’t any way for him to fix it. Not right now.
Not when he was in the middle of the ocean, stuck on an aircraft carrier, bound for the most dangerous mission of his life.
Yet all he could think about was the woman he’d wronged so horribly.
“It's been an honor flying with you.”
It was an entirely new experience for him. Being distracted. Unable to focus solely on the mission. Never once in his entire career had that happened to him. No, that wasn’t entirely true. It had happened once, early on, and nearly cost him the career that had been just in the wings.
That’s when he’d been still Jake Seresin in the navy, not yet Hangman, which had soon after changed. He’d made up his mind. Nothing and more importantly no one would ever distract him from his dreams, from the career that had almost ended before it had even started.
“Each one of you represents the best of the best.”
For nearly ten years, he’d lived after this principle, becoming Hangman but also becoming perhaps the best naval aviator of his generation and the only one on active duty to have a confirmed kill.
“Choose your two foxtrot teams.”
As new and unusual the sensation was, he’d tried to keep on track. Stubbornly he’d commanded his thoughts back to the mission, punished himself for any stray thought by reading the mission briefings, the F-18 manual.
“Payback and Fanboy. Phoenix and Bob.”
It didn’t work. Not as good as he’d liked for it. He was distracted enough for it to be noticeable.
“And your wingman.”
Green eyes focused forward as he braced himself for the pick. He’d been sure to have the spot in the pocket the moment he’d set foot in San Diego. The moment he’d seen them, first Rooster waltzing into the Hard Deck in civilian clothes and then shortly after Ghost at the bar, he’d known they were his competitors. The three of them.
They’d been the frontrunners for the position of mission leader. And had it been him from that night in the Hard Deck two-ish weeks ago standing here in the hangar now, he’d been just as sure of having the spot of wingman too. Present-time Hangman wasn’t so sure of it.
Maverick stared straight ahead, jaw tense and eyes full of a sadness and misery he’d never seen in their instructor's eyes. Not even on the day of the funeral. Maverick had been filled with sadness, grief, and loss. There had been an acceptance in his eyes that day, now he looked torn, refusing to acknowledge the present, the reality of what lay before them but more importantly the difficult decision that lay immediately before him.
“Rooster.” Mavericks' voice was dismal as if he’d predestined an awful fate over them.
To his great surprise, Hangman wasn’t surprised not to have been chosen. In a way, he’d already known it. He wasn’t ready, wasn't good enough for it.
Not in the technical sense. Ana’d been right. He wasn’t enough of a team player for the mission. It was where Rooster excelled, surpassing him miles ahead.
The Hangman – the Jake – at the beginning of the training, not even three weeks ago, would have reacted differently. Disappointment still filled him, but the Jake then would have not been able to accept it. He wouldn't have been able to see the fault in his ways, to admit his fault.
A small and twisted part of his mind hollered that he’d deserved it for wronging Ana.
He knew that Maverick hadn’t chosen him for apparent reasons. His inability to be a team player and the lack of attention in the last days more than clear to see for everyone had cost him the spot, had he ever had it at one point. Maverick had said it himself: My choice reflects that and nothing more.
Outside on the deck the blonde waited for Rooster. They weren’t friends, yet Hangman didn’t want to let him leave for the mission without having spoken to him first.
He hoped that the brunette was ready. That he and Maverick could work together, jump over their shadow to fly the mission. Both had been limited, held back by their shared past – whatever it entailed – too caught up with their demons to realize what was needed for the mission.
Rooster was surprised, coming face to face with him. Stopping in his stride the two men stood across another. The brunette looked at him questioningly. Under the observant, guarded look all words Hangman had carefully laid out in the last couple of minutes left him all at once.
His tongue was tied, clued to the bottom of his mouth. Suddenly his lips felt dry and his throat had closed down entirely.
“You give ‘em hell!” He managed to utter, voice strained and close to cracking. Hangman wasn’t even sure if Rooster had heard him over the noise of the jets. Rooster’s eyes followed him, burning into his side until he was past the brunette.
“Dagger one is hit! I repeat, Dagger one is hit!
Maverick is down.”
Phoenix’s crackly words coming over the radio comms sent a shockwave similarly big to the blast of the SAM hitting, through Hangman’s body. A shot of pure electricity raced up his spine, culminating in a deafening, mind-numbing sensation as the shock settled over him.
Over the comms followed Rooster’s stricken and panicked calls, requesting for their team leader to respond, to show any sign of life.
There was no response.
This couldn’t be happening. Maverick was the most qualified out of them all, the one with the least chance of crashing or getting hit, yet out of all of them it had been him.
No, actually it was him who was most likely to be hit. Maverick made it clear from the beginning that he’d protect his wingman, that he’d protect Rooster just as much as he would every other aviator under him.
For it to actually happen was entirely different from the possibility of the scenario.
“Comanche. Bandits inbound. Single group, hot. Recommend dagger flow south. One minute to intercept.”
Still no sign of Maverick, not even a parachute. Jake's teeth were grinding on another, back ramrod straight, hands balled into fists. Here he sat, strapped into his jet, on short standby to aid them. Why wasn’t he in the air with them?
His breath came in uneven, short bursts. Entirely contrary to how he was taught to stay calm and unaffected. Entirely opposite to how Hangman should act. How everyone expected him to act. Damn them, damn everyone. Damn the stupid fate.
Jake refused to believe that they could lose Maverick this easily. If his legendary exploits were anything they showed that to get rid of this man, death himself would have to step up and lead him to the gates of the afterlife. He refused to believe that they wouldn’t come back with everyone on their team from this mission. He refused to accept Maverick being gone.
They hadn’t lost him.
She couldn’t have lost him. Not another one. Ghost had just lost her father. If she now lost Maverick too, how would that wreck her?
She’d already suffered too much, much of it at the hands of him and Jake wouldn’t let her suffer even more, wouldn’t let her have to grieve another person. Even if that meant he had to go get Maverick on his own.
Jake scrambled, reaching for his mask.
“Dagger Spare requests permission to launch and fly air cover.”
With bated breath and furrowed brows, hands ready to clasp his mask on entirely and get ready for take-off he waited for a response from the control room.
“Negative, spare.”
Disappointment and anger flushed him. Jake scrunched his face in annoyance, mask dropping to dangle down his side.
“Damn it.”
His balled fist hit the top of his thigh in anger. Sinking down back in his seat, the straps strained against his chest. It hurt, the space tight as his heart clenched in pain. Pain for Maverick and Ana.
Touching down with the jet back onto the deck felt great. But not even the euphoria and the adrenalin kick after the successful albeit close-cut mission could keep his thoughts of Ana away.
The high that had swept over him after shooting down the fifth-gen fighter and thus saving Maverick and Rooster came to a plummet the moment Hangman climbed down his jet.
His feet hit the deck, flight crew rushed all around him to aid Maverick and Rooster for their return. Eyes scanning the moving crowds where the duo seaters had gathered after coming back with the rest of the team, he stopped abruptly, a deep frown forming on his face.
Too late did he realize the person he was looking for wasn’t even on the ship. He was looking for her – subconsciously – to share the excitement, the high of the win, the success they had worked so hard for.
She wasn’t there and it may well have been his fault entirely.
All at once the euphoria of the mission, the relief that Maverick had survived the crash and both him and Rooster the following chase back to the carrier, his second shot down, it all seemed hollow and meaningless. None of it brought joy anymore.
Hangman felt guilty, he felt angry, and sad. And on top of that the realization, just as it had happened the first time, that he had taken the life of another person – another human – perhaps a guiltless one and for certain a life the same as those of his colleagues, like his, swept over him. The weight of it crashed into him full front, nearly taking him off his feet.
His breath grew heavy and labored, each intake harder than the last as a mechanical vice wrapped around his torso and squeezed him tighter and tighter. He couldn’t breathe and it made him dizzy.
Smoke from the wrecked F-14 drifted over the deck, the flight crew littered the space around the jet. Maverick and Rooster. He had to make sure they were actually alright. With shaky, unsteady legs Jake started to march, quickly transitioning into a jog toward the crowd, weaving his way through the cheering figures until he stepped up to Rooster.
With every step from his jet he’d gradually forced himself to appear calm and collected, even though the sweat trailed down his skin in heaps, it stung in his eyes and left a salty taste on his lips. By the time he stood in front of the brunette nothing but the slight flaring of his nostril indicated his troubled mind.
Jake was genuinely glad Maverick and Rooster appeared to be alright. The brunette, even with what had happened shortly before the mission with Ana, grinned at him. It was a grin that – for the short moment of it – made him forget the horrible guilt running through every cell of his body.
A relieved grin brightened atop his face as they looked at each other, Jake ultimately holding his hand out to him to shake. In congratulations. Rooster took the hand, shaking it.
“You shot yourself another kill.”
Although well-meaning, the words left an aching pang in his chest, his grin momentarily dimming.
Remember who you are.
And so, with another grin, even brighter now and entirely Hangman, he answered “That makes two.”
While everyone else was still swapped up in the celebration of the successful mission, Jake had withdrawn inside. Somewhere quieter, somewhere he could be alone.
In his hand lay his phone now. All his thoughts had centered on Ana once more after he quelled the rising panic in him. Her contact opened on the dim screen in front of him, he had his thumb hovering over the call button.
For the last ten minutes, he’d been stuck in this position. Going between hovering over the icon and changing his mind. To call her or not to call her. What would he say if he did?
Before he could pull through or back down Jake was startled. Rooster appeared along the hallway, coming towards him. He quickly put his phone down, locking the device, its screen turning black. Not fast enough.
“If you think she’d even answer you are mighty stupid.”
The words were clipped and strained. Nothing of the friendliness, the truce between them, was left. Rooster now eyed him with open animosity, arms crossed in front of his chest.
“The only reason I haven’t killed you for what you did to her was the mission. Regulations may keep me from doing anything right now but don’t think I won’t take the chance once we are off this damn ship.”
Gradually Rooster’s voice had become more furious and resentful. Not that Hangman could blame him for it.
“You had no right to say this to her. Who the hell do you think you are, to accuse her of something that doesn’t even concern you–”
The realization came over him like a wave. Of course, how didn’t he realize that Rooster must have known from the beginning? As close as the two of them were.
“–Not like you are going to have anything to do with her after this mission. You like shooting people down, don’t you?”
Seething jealousy filled him at the thought that Rooster had known all along. “You done now? I get it. I was an asshole and I made a huge mistake. I was already regretting it before you had to rub it in.”
Jealousy was an ugly thing, almost as rotting as his hurt had been at the funeral, he added as if it was entirely blasé “Why do you even care so much?”
“Because she is family. The Kazansky’s have been there for nearly my entire life. I’ll be damned if I let you hurt her even more.”
With every word, Rooster came closer to him. Dangerously close. Now they stood nose to nose, with the slightly taller brunette staring down at him murderously.
For a moment Jake wasn’t sure if Rooster would do something more, go against regulation, and beat him up here and there. Instead, Rooster walked past him, shoulder bumping harshly into his.
That night, long after the mission when they were already on their way back to home port, Jake was lying in his bunk.
The dim, blueish glow of his phone lit up the confined space. Opened was a chat window. An empty one.
A lengthy message was already typed out in the little box, the obnoxious arrow taunting him to send it off. Just as with the call button, his thumb hovered over the arrow.
It would take little effort for him to send the message off. His eyes jumped up to the name on top of the window.
Ghost.
In the end he deleted the message.
#legacies#hangman x oc#jake seresin x reader#jake seresin x oc#hangman x reader#jake seresin x kazansky!oc#jake seresin x kazansky!reader#hangman seresin imagine#jake hangman seresin x oc#jake hangman seresin x reader#hangman top gun#hangman seresin#top gun maverick fanfic
104 notes
·
View notes
Text
Daily Check In September 15th and 16th, 2023 🎀
I was a bit stressed on Friday. And really tired. Like crying on the phone talking to my dad about how tired I was. I did not want to go to work, but I did and had a goodnight regardless. Everything worked itself out and I stopped stressing so hard. I was gonna rest before I had to go to work but my friend decided to talk my ear off for an hour about her family woes, even after I told her I wanted to rest my brain for a bit. I love helping my friends when I can but sometimes I just need a break from socializing.
there’s not much to update on but I’ll give an update regardless!
🩷 What I Ate Sept 15th -
Breakfast - bagel sandwich and a coffee
Lunch - bagel w whipped cream cheese and another coffee
Dinner - Alfredo pasta w spinach and chicken and a small salad w egg, cheese, and a little ranch dressing
Extra - morning coffee at home and not near enough water. Also some mini mint chocolate candies, like three
I was really feeling bagels. They were so good.
🩷 What I Ate Sept 16th -
Breakfast - Scrambled eggs on brioche style bread with slices of cheddar cheese
Dinner - Two bowls of spaghetti with marinara sauce and grated Parmesan cheese
Snack - macaroni cup, three cups of coffee
I just realized I didn’t take a break to eat lunch at work today. That is the first time I’ve ever forgotten to do that.
🩷 What I Accomplished Sept 15th & 16th -
Worked a total of 13.5 hours at my job
A lot of self compassion and rest
Morning skincare and night skincare routine (sept 16th)
Studied Japanese 10+ minutes each day
Reorganized my desk with my new desk supplies
I received some new acrylic desk organizers, stationery, and Japanese study books today! I bought two writing workbooks and I bought the Genki I and Genki II textbook + workbook + answer key bundle off of Amazon and I am so excited to start using them all soon! In my Japanese studying so far, I’ve memorized almost the entire hiragana chart and started keeping a physical list/anki flashcard set of hiragana vocabulary off of Duolingo and have been practicing my writing on Renshuu. Renshuu is surprisingly such a great tool for me right now, like it’s the complete reason I memorized the hiragana so fast. My plan is to start using Genki I right after I memorize (most of) the katakana. I’ve been listening to Japanese music a lot and talking out loud to myself on occasion. I’m just super excited about this language.
I think I’m quickly approaching the edge of burnout right now and I’m desperately trying to find a way to delay the burnout or stop myself from burning out altogether because I have too much on my plate to just lose myself now. Like I’m genuinely enjoying everything I do in a day but it’s tiring me out. I don’t sleep very well right now, I’m not working out, my nutrition isn’t the best, I over-consume caffeine and I’ve been neglecting my self care. I am working to regain balance because I don’t want to tire myself while trying to build the best life for myself. Todays first step was keeping my promise to do skincare and study Japanese. Tomorrow will be skincare, weekly planning, and completing my due assignments and notes. If I can rebuild trust with myself, I have a good feeling I can get back on track with my daily ideal routines. Just need to take it one step at a time.
I know my blog appears that everything is so great and girly and perfect for me but my life is not like that entirely. I do romanticize my life in the way I live it, I am the main character if my own story, but life is life and stuff happens. I don’t have the perfect body or health, I don’t have the best discipline or motivation sometimes, and yeah, my life isn’t perfect. However, I am still so grateful for the life I am currently living, a life that I never thought I’d be so content with. This blog has helped me determine the direction to go in and keeps me motivated often, and I am so at peace and proud of all that I’ve built and have had help creating for myself. Thank you to everyone who reads this. It is the little interactions, the daily notifications, the pride I get from my consistent updates that keeps me level. This is therapeutic for me in a way. Like an online diary. And I absolutely love the space it’s given me to be my true self, my most comfortable self. I am not perfect but i am happy. Happy with my progress and my journey and my community.
Sorry for the little joyful ramble. Again, I appreciate this community so much. I wouldn’t have driven my life in this path without this community.
🩷 Song of The Day - The Greatest by Sia
One of my all time favorite motivational songs. Just listen to the lyrics. Absolutely simple and amazingly powerful.
that’s all for these last two days! Will be getting more detailed in my daily accomplishments, and am working on a stationary review though I did order more so I might way until it gets here to complete the review post!
Til next time, lovelies 🩷🤍
#pink pilates girl#pink pilates princess#self care#self development#self love#wonyoungism#health & fitness#it girl#mental health#physical health#language learning goals#studyblr#college studyblr#university student#langblr#that girl energy#that girl#it girl energy#clean girl#coquette girl#vanilla girl#high value woman#green juice girl#pink academia#pink aesthetic#pink blog#girlblog#girly blog#girl blogger#japanese
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Buried Love Weekly Update
Hey Buried Lovers!
This is a return to weekly updates on how things are going behind the scenes with Buried Love, so you know where things are with the developments, and I can share exciting things (and pretty character art, of course).
The big news at the moment is that the amazing and incredibly kind @victoriel has been transferring the first four days of BL over to a different version of Twine. One that is much better for what we want to do with the game. It will add more features (more on those soon!), much better save facilities and will generally just look and feel like an even better playing experience. I’m so excited to share it.
For me my personal challenge is looking at how I’ve been structuring the writing of BL. Because this is my first IF I think I approached it in a more linear storytelling way, but that isn’t helpful because of how long it takes, how difficult it is to code, and how damn huge the file sizes would end up being. I’m working on that and it’s going well so far.
This means I’m not 100% sure when the next update for BL will be, but I know that when it happens it’s going to be so good. As soon as I have a better idea of the timeline I’ll share it here, but I’m really hoping for September.
I’m sorry to keep you waiting for longer, but honestly this past year or so has just meant that I needed the space. I kinda hate that because BL makes me so happy, and every single person on this blog has been so understanding. I really appreciate how long you’ve all been waiting for that recoupling!
My writing brain is fully back in action, and can even wrap itself around branching again (phew!) so things should progress quickly from here.
I’ve rambled enough for this week, so here are some updates/ teasers:
- I’ll be contacting the new Betas today and I’m really excited about the team we’ll have supporting BL
- I’m trying to be more mindful of players who aren’t all about the physical side of things from day 5 onwards, so expect to see a greater variety of interaction options
- The relationship points system is being refined, and you’ll be able to see how things are progressing with the different characters romantically and in friendship
- I’m looking at art for the game again and although this might not all be completed and built in for the next release, I’m really excited
- As a teaser - there’s a challenge in Day 5 called ‘Tied Down’ where things could get up close and personal, if that’s what your MC is looking for
That’s it for now! I’ll be around more over the next couple of weeks answering asks etc, so if there’s anything you’d like to know send it my way.
See you in the dome soon!
Kitti
72 notes
·
View notes
Note
I love your team comp and I just had an inspiration about it. Nope this is not an ask it’s just a little something that I thought of. Since Team comp is exclusively about one team then what about the other three because there are four team slots that you can use for easy access I guess(??)
I rename this slots as: Apollo, Omega, Hermes and Zeus. Basically they all have their roles.
Team Apollo are characters I use to farm artifacts, talent books, etc.
Team Omega is basically in charge of babysitting new characters. The three other characters are strong enough to aid the newcomer all the while I have the newbie fight a mob that are higher level than them. Just testing the waters and debating whether that character is good for support or dps but overall it’s just trying to see if I like their gameplay or not. See if it’s worth investing, just judging that newbie if they’re worth the effort. I feel like this is where the newcomers would be judge critically by others too. Just the pressure to do good and perform well just so they could have a chance to be on a team that isn’t Omega.
Team Hermes basically the team I use to travel Teyvat and hunt chests with. Two or three characters of this team also belongs to Apollo. Since at this point in time I already explore all of Teyvat and hunting treasure now is a pain. This team is currently on stand by until the next major update. Rip to that one character who got left behind.
Team Zeus in charge of taking down weekly bosses. They only fights the weekly bosses. They either feel powerful or neglected or special. Depends really.
And that’s my brain rot. Also;
Thank you for that amazing event, it was so much fun reading the dynamics of each team.
Awww thank you for such a sweet message~!
Ohhhh!! That would be so interesting! Like on the one hand team Apollo is the team that gets things done, they pride themselves on their speed, basically getting things usually done quick! They look forward to spending time with you the most since they are sure you will be seeing them most of the time.
Team Omega is like the hopeful one where they work hard, like super hard to get into any of those teams or at the very least be at the back of your mind to build them so that they have a chance to be with you one way or another. Numbers try to go out but sometimes it just doesn't work, and when you choose to finally ignore them they will break down crying and are just disappointed in themselves. Like they wish they could do better, while others would look down at them and depending on the character others would mock them. But then there at those who got the chance to be with you, while many would dislike it was not like they could pressure you not to bring them in when they will help you now and in the future.
High-level characters would criticize them not to get their hopes up but as they watch that low level slowly get stronger and stronger, so when they make a mistake and the once low leveled character criticizes them... they are right... and that character could do nothing about it. They can't just push the other character away saying "what does a low-level character like you know?" that was not possible. They are not special, and they could continue to be less and less special the more character you grow.
Hermes is probably the proudest for having many memories with you, yet they hate it when they have nowhere to go anymore because now you don't need them and they are just in the back...waiting aside from the one or two who could be in your other teams. They just find it so regretful really...
Team Zeus they are the proudest when it comes to dealing with big bosses, flaunting their attack numbers and such. Yet at the same time, they hate it here for the fact that they are also limited to a few fights and nothing else. They are strong so why cant they be in more fights? isn't that why you built them?? Then why aren't you using them more often? They just don't get it...
I love this idea, I adore this brain rot! But woooo the pressure just being in any of those teams? Like I would probably cry- even with those happy and cheerful characters there is always weight in their stares even when they smile.... I would probably die from suffocation-
#mayu mailbox#mayu brainrot#sagau#genshin impact#genshin sagau#sagau cult au#genshin self aware#genshin scenarios
60 notes
·
View notes
Text
Weekly Reading Update (11/27/23)
Reviews and thoughts under the cut
Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare (6/10)
This book was just way too long for the story it was telling. It easily could have been 100 pages shorter. I did like a lot of the emotional moments concerning the romantic relationships, but there is so much filler that it just go incredibly boring at the end. Also, Cassandra Clare does this thing I like to call "no romance left behind" which is when everyone in a book is paired off by the end, even ones that don't really make sense or seem rushed, such as Gabriel and Cecily. The plot in this book was just overall lacking, coming off as extremely simplistic and far too convenient. Luckily, Tessa and her romantic relationships sort of saved the day; the epilogue did make me tear up, hence why this book is not dropping to a 4 or even 3.
Beneath the Sugar Sky by Seanan McGuire (9/10)
Continuing my Wayward Children run, Beneath the Sugar Sky is a really good installment. I love that we got the return of Kade and Christopher, who I missed, and the new characters, Cora and Nadya, are quite fun. Nancy was also there for a short time, and I loved seeing her in her element. I really liked Cora, who is great plus size representation and really addressed how being fat affects everything in our world and can worm into your brain. I am obsessed with the worldbuilding of Confection and the foray into how all the worlds are built and how they're laid out. I really hope there are more stories that involve visiting multiple worlds and exploring how they work.
Lodestar by Shannon Messenger (9/10)
This was an amazing installment in Keeper of the Lost Cities. It feels like something has truly changed for the first time in a while, instead of the back-and-forth that usually happens between the Black Swan and the Neverseen. Major developments occurred with terrible consequences for both sides, and we got what I would consider the first major character death as Calla in Neverseen had only been introduced that book. The relationship between Sophie and Keefe also developed quite a bit, and we got some real conflict within the group since the Alden debacle in Exile. Finally, there is some progress in the romance department. They're still, you know, like fourteen/fifteen, but considering how much this series hints at it, I'm glad we're starting to see concrete development. Finally, that ending had me gagged. Not only was the climax ridiculously tense but there is a twist at the end that made me immediately want to start Nightfall.
In an Absent Dream by Seanan McGuire (16%)
This book is hitting a little too close to home...as a goody-two-shoes reader who had like two friends growing up, Lundy feels like a callout. I am so excited to see a Goblin Market-based world, as I've read other books like that and they're always incredibly fun.
Cinder Ella by S. T. Lynn (8%)
This is part of a little project I'm doing, and I can't say much about it so far. I'm a little hesitant about the writing, as it has been clunky in a few places, but I'm really interested to see the story of Cinderella under a trans lens.
Rising Storm by Erin Hunter (7%)
I'm back on that Warriors grind, you guys. I swear I am going to read this entire series, even the later ones I never got to that are supposedly terrible. I also might be working on a project concerning them... Anyway, gotta love the Tigerclaw/ShadowClan foreshadowing.
Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett (3%)
It's always thieves in high fantasy novels. I'm not sure what the obsession with them is, but I feel like 60% of high fantasy protagonists are thieves. Anyway, I'm loving the magic system so far, so hopefully the plot and characters will hold up!
#books#reading update#clockwork princess#cassandra clare#beneath the sugar sky#seanan mcguire#lodestar#shannon messenger#in an absent dream#cinder ella#s t lynn#rising storm#erin hunter#foundryside#robert jackson bennett#warrior cats#wayward children#tid#kotlc
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Wednesday WIP
A weekly Wednesday update to Cry Mercy. Note - sections shared in my bi-weekly (or weekly - or whenever I feel like it) updates are not posted in order seen in the story. I just pick a section and share it. :)
A little bit of an Oops moment with Jake, Mercy, Mac, and Deacon:
***
“Hey Fox. Minute of your time?” Deacon asked back at the Hardware store. Mercy was watching Jake put the finishing touches on plugging in the Comm Hub. “Alone?”
“Hmm?” She looked up at him. “Oh. Yeah. One second. We want to see just how screwed we are.”
“You all really turning that piece of shi….junk on?” MacCready asked.
“Damn straight we are,” Jake said. “Alright. Step back, Darlin. Just in case.”
Mercy grabbed Deacon’s hand and tugged him towards the back of the hardware store. Jake shot her a grin and then hit a switch. A low hum started, one that built up slowly till it reached static. Lights flickered, turned on, then brightened, then kept brightening. Mercy was spun around, her face pressed to Deacon’s chest right as there was a loud ftzzz noise and the sound of glass exploding. When Mercy turned back around, the air was filled with smoke.
“Jake!” She wiggled out of Deacon’s arms and rushed into the smoke. Jake was on the ground coughing and brushing glass from his pants.
“I’m okay. I swear. I got down before it popped,” he said on a cough.
“You’re covered in glass,” she said as she began to brush the glass from his shoulders. She reached forward and pulled a large piece from his hair.
“Careful. You’ll cut yourself,” Jake said, grabbing for her hands as she began to slowly and gently brush through his hair, pulling out glass as she found it. “Darlin, careful.”
“I am being. Not the first glass accident I’ve dealt with. Lordy, look at you. Stand up slowly.”
Jake nodded and slowly reached for the table the comm hub was sitting on. He pulled himself up, glass sliding off of him as he stood. He brushed a hand over his face and sighed. “Damn it.”
“Well, we knew this might happen. That’s why we’re checking out Vault Tec headquarters, right?”
“Oh I know, but it still doesn’t make me happy.”
“You okay, Jake?” MacCready called.
“Yeah, Killer. Fine and dandy.”
“Did you just call RJ, Killer?” Mercy whispered to Jake, who shrugged and looked slightly embarrassed. “Did he just let you?”
“You got a change of clothes,” Deacon asked.
“Slick, I don’t want whatever clothing you think I need to change into.”
Deacon grinned. “Don’t let him dress you, Jake. He’ll put you in loungewear,” MacCready said.
“The perfect outfit for Spring,” Deacon said, holding his hands out so that everybody could look at his outfit. “See how refreshed I look?”
“It’s a look, to be sure,” Jake said. “Well, Darlin. I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t just upset you with this setback.”
“Pft. This is just a hiccup. Killing off the man with intimate knowledge of the Institute is a hiccup.”
“Yeah? How did you get around that?”
Mercy coughed, “Uh…well. You see? Kellogg wasn’t all human. He had this partly robot brain thing going on? So uh, yeah. I shot him through the eye and it splattered that robot brain part all over the wall and…uh…we hooked it up to Nick and then we uh…we went into Kellogg’s memories.”
“Pardon?”
“Yeah. And then I relived my husband dying and my son being taken and found out how the Institute travels and that they have my son.”
“Yeah okay. That is a hiccup. This really is just a mild oops.”
“It’s all about perspective, right? So uh. Why don’t you go change. Deacon needs to talk to me about something. Maybe MacCready can help clean up?”
MacCready raised an eyebrow at Mercy, “Do I look like I sweep?”
“Yeah. You do.”
“Damn son, you should know better than to ask a woman that. She’s always going to say yes.”
“Don’t call me son.”
“Right, Killer.”
“You won’t win this, RJ. Trust me.”
Jake just winked at Mercy and headed upstairs. MacCready sighed. “Fine. I’ll help him clean up while Deacon explains how he’s going to get you shot again.”
“Nonsense. Maybe Deacon will get shot this time. You know, equal opportunity shooting.”
“I’d prefer if nobody got shot,” Deacon said.
“Yeah,” MacCready said. “Me too.”
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wanna tell you guys about bump groups.
Pregnancy is a weird time. If you did it on purpose then it’s great and full of joy, but it’s also fuckoff terrifying and physically unpleasant. And isolating in ways I could go into, but we’d be here all day.
So what people do, in this internet age, is they form bump groups. So say you’re due in July of 2019, your bump group is July19 and you find ‘em on Reddit, Facebook, Discord, or Baby Center. And these are your new friends. These are the people you scream to about baby names and Pinteresty announcements and how you told your partner. And the people you complain to and with that you got sick on the subway, you fell asleep at your desk, all you can think about is sushi oh my god how are we all going to survive eight more months.
And in these happy, supportive, bonding on speed run environments, tragedy fucking stalks. You lose about a fourth of your newfound friends within the first few months. They lose their babies, maybe gently at home, or violently, in emergency rooms, under emergency conditions.
It’s harrowing. They were so happy. Maybe you were due date twins. Maybe both of you were due 7/3/19, you had matching tags in your usernames, you’d both been advised to have a c-section and you were terrified already but they were calm and happy, they talked to you for hours, you felt so much better, why would this happen to them?
The group moves on. Life moves on, the life you are building as a background task pays no notice to any of this. So you move on. At 12 weeks you all have the NIPT test done, checking your shared blood for genetic abnormalities. As an afterthought, or as the only thought if that’s all you can stomach, the test also tells you the sex. Members scattered across the month report back with a new addition to their username, a blue or pink or green heart emoji. (”Team green! We want to be surprised!”)
Except for a handful of members, who are told their babies have fatal conditions incompatible with life. 100% fatality, no room for miracles. Cells that have lost their way and cannot be helped, people whose only choice is how soon they would like to miscarry, if their body doesn’t decide for them.
You knew them better, some of them. They posted screenshots of the Ovia app, roasting the chipper tone of the weekly updates on fetal development. They had a cat, or a bird, or a horse, yes a horse that they would post regular pictures of.
You miss them.
20 weeks is next. The anatomy scan, a long ultrasound checking that all fingers and toes are accounted for, that the baby’s organs are on the inside. That the little body inside of you remembered to grow a brain stem. Which is a lot to consider, so you all just talk about the baby pictures, a long spooling row of black and white face shots that the ultrasound tech will hand to you, an opportunity, as soon as now, to start debating from whom baby gets their nose.
You lose more members. Somehow you weren’t expecting it. Three of them, three new holes in your community. One was carrying her third pregnancy. She posted detailed answers to questions from anxious first time parents. She wrote a list of recommended products, the things that actually worked and twenty of you have built nurseries from it that may as well be shrines to her knowledge.
She’s gone. It would be too painful, for both of you, for her to keep in touch.
24 weeks is viability. The odds of survival at premature delivery tipped over to 50/50. The collective sigh of relief goes mostly unmentioned as you each, over 31 days, pass that invisible milestone.
Someone goes into labor before the moderators have discussed how they’ll handle delivery threads. Shock rocks the userbase. Now you’re supporting a NICU parent in your midst.
So for the second user, a few weeks later, you feel prepared for the outcome. You’re ready with the same platitudes that helped the first.
You’re not ready for her, too, to be banished by her loss.
Halfway through June, and thank fuck the mods have got delivery threads figured out, because people are using them. Users suddenly sport a bright red “IN LABOR!” tag, flipping over to a proud blue “GRADUATE” label five or twenty-four or seventy-two hours later. Spouses type from users phones, updating their online friends that the user is doing well, the user is sneaking in a little sleep, the user has been rushed to surgery but everything will be all right.
You have become so sadly accustomed to losing friends because their arms were empty, the two of you driven apart by grief. It hadn’t occurred to you that you could lose one beyond all reach. Her partner tells you, abruptly, and then goes offline. A week later, someone has found her obituary. You never knew her last name until now.
And then. Then it’s over. Everyone is on the other side. You’ve all gained so much.
You’ve all seen so much loss.
Please do not hurt my friends any further. Let them get the care they need when everything is hopeless and all they have to salvage are their lives. Access to safe abortions lessens the pain of grieving parents. People who want children sometimes need abortions too.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Let me introduce myself once again in a different manner.I'm Dion and i am an animeholic.Which definitely beats my other bad habits of being an alcoholic and a total self destructive [email protected] hey,nobody is perfect so don't judge.
I've been a reviewer,or a journalist as they called us back then,since before most of you were in short trousers or in some cases even born.
My passion and my line of work was music.Metal music to be more exact.And it wasn't magazines like your local newspaper but i've been blessed with the opportunity to work with giants like Rock Hard and Metal Hammer.Those were interesting times indeed.And those were times were people weren't so damn pollitically correct and they certainly didn't get offended over every single thing possible.Mind you every time i trash talked someone's favorite band a sizeable postbag was being delivered to my office filled with hate letters demanding my decapitation.But since we knew they were stupid and mad or communists we didn't even bother and soldiered on.That is until the world went soft in the head and decided that those fruitcakes needed some pampering.
It was at the time i was also working in a newspaper that things started to look dreary.Every article i wrote was an excuse for people to whine like babies and i was in need of a lawyer.
"Can't talk about that we will be sued or don't mention that the readers will get offended"..And just like that it was the end of an era.An important era cause after that people had to think twice before speaking their minds about anything.I was disgusted and left the business altogether..And internet made things worse cause it meant that for the first time people who dwelled in basements suddenly got an attitude bigger than the basement and from being dipped in the toilet headfirst in school they became warriors of justice.
Which brings me to today and here i am reliving my passion for reviewing.And things have changed.I'm a dinosaur among a generation that plays it safe.You can't be honest cause someone will get hurt,you can't be negative cause love will conquer all and all that crap you hear in church on Sunday.I also learned to my amazement that the bussiness that some people,me included,built slowly over the years has now rules like we don't want emotion in the reviews..WHAT?No emotion?How did we get there?Emotion is what drives me and every human being.The reaction of chemicals in the brain is what makes us experience the world we live in.So we can't speak freely,we can't be nihilists or have black humor cause that's a social no-no and we must be like robots,keep it all clinical.
Well sorry lads i'm from that old guard,i may be a dinosaur but i can still bite and i still have my own teeth.And in a world full of restrictions we the few standing men and women will be the light and the path out of this mess.
Crickey i've gone mad..But crucially i want you people,first and foremost to have a laugh with the drunken rants of mine.I want you to experience another approach.Want to be offended?Be my guest but if you're not mad and wake up and think you're a chicken come this side of the pond.It's way more fun.
If you like metal then here are some songs you might be interested in(updated weekly):
1) https://youtu.be/v5LFdsxe8Gk
2) https://youtu.be/EyE48F_hrxs
3) https://youtu.be/dXMfdpjnAHU
4) https://youtu.be/wLoYIBEZEfw
5) https://youtu.be/h0BFAhAU7qs
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Another part of headcanons for the two robot brothers who have my brain in a vice-grip and will not let go. Part One of headcanons over here and Part Two of headcanons over here
This is now Part Three of headcanons for Sun and Moon from FNaF: Security Breach
Just like the last parts I know their real names are just Sun and Moon but I like to call them Sunrise and Moonrise, they are being added to this blog because I have no self control, and it’s under a read more because it’s a lot of words
The first one of this small set of headcanons is a little silly: you know those recaptcha things? the things that are like “are you a robot?” at first: Both brothers would not actually know if they could click through those or not since they Are, in fact, robots. Moonrise would find them very insulting and wonder why robots aren’t allowed in those sites, Sunrise would be anxious about getting in trouble if he tried to click through them anyway. Both at first asking a non-robot friend to do it for them.
After a while they would just be able to click through them themselves since those are really for bot programs rather than physical sentient robots. Moon still finds them very insulting though.
And then one other headcanon but it's a longer one and it's actually a nice person in the boys past. Didn’t think i was gunna do that since I'm a glutton for angst but in a way it leads to more angst so there's that.
I have had pretty much all staff at the plex treat the boys like shit but I have actually changed that to be where while the boys were being built this one programmer had been brought in to create them and this programmer treated the brothers like their babies. like before running any tests or things the programmer would let them know what's going on, always very proud when they did something right and etc, these brothers were just this programmers absolute babies, probably when clocking in for work just being all excited to check on how their boys are developing.
Now all that being said I can see them having not expected the boys to start gaining true sentience, yeah they would have been made to be a pair of super advanced learning AIs but it still would have been a shock when the brothers started going farther than their programming.
On the weekly checkup with antivirus programs and such both brothers start being far more talkative than before holding longer conversations and asking questions.
I can see this programmer being just so FASCINATED by this and wanting to make up excuses to check on the boys more often than just once a week. watching a pair of super-computers - especially ones you made yourself - start 'waking up' and actually start paying attention to the world around them WOULD be pretty amazing to watch.
I can see the programmer first bringing them some things from outside the Plex and then getting in trouble by other staff, saying the pair don’t need that for running a daycare full of brats.
So instead of bringing the brothers things and leaving it with them to explore through the week, they would start to at least bring the outside things and let both brothers get a turn to look at them during the weekly check ups.
The brothers did start to gain sentience on their own but this programmer probably certainly helped.
However. there would have to be SOMETHING that ends up happening since the boys DO end up in a near-abandoned daycare, horrifically neglected by staff, Sunny gaining near crippling anxiety terrified of being in trouble with staff and with Moon having that horrible virus. That's just canon, that's the state they're in when Gregory enters and with a genius-level programmer checking on them once a week and giving them anti-virus updates that just wouldn't happen. So the programmer would need to exist stage left so to speak.
They don't die I haven't killed them but
What ends up happening is other staff and the higher ups and business execs of the company start getting informed on how The Daycare Attendants personalities keeps growing and developing. Both or certainly Moonrise questioning staff why they're treated like objects and requesting people say things like "thank you" when the brothers do things for them, wanting to be treated with the same respect that humans are treated with.
The higher ups do NOT like this and call that programmer back in. What they order the programmer to do is leave the daycare knowledge but to give the brothers a memory wipe on everything else.
However, this programmer refuses. Probably not right to the executive's faces because they would be fired on the spot and someone else brought in to do it, but at first trying to gently argue against it.
It would be a losing argument that they wouldn't want to get fired - right then - on and not get a chance to see the boys at least one last time so the programmer would eventually agree.
After getting the boys in Parts & Service they would tell the boys what's going on and what they've been ordered to do but that they refuse and so this will most likely be the last time they get to see each other.
They'd install a very strong firewall over the brother's memory folders protected by special codes that only the brothers would know so no one could touch their memories and then take turns with lights on and lights off to say goodbye to both of them.
it would be some pretty sad goodbyes since this programmer would be the closest thing to a parent that a pair of robot siblings could have and this programmer would absolutely adore these two very sentient boys and be very devastated that their paths have to part there.
And they couldn't just kidnap the boys, I mean from what I've seen in the FNaF universe Fazbear Ent is pretty much the Disney of that universe, they're powerful enough to sweep all kinds of shit under the rug. As it is the programmer would be desperately hoping that the company’s colossal greed and the fact that the brothers cost a small fortune to make would protect them from being demolished once it was discovered that their memories CAN'T be erased.
I mean at some point the brothers DO get kidnapped but not by this programmer - who upon finding out their true sentient AI babies were stolen Probably freaks out I know I would
#fnaf security breach#sundrop#fnaf sun#sunnydrop#fnaf sunrise#mans got 800 names#fnaf Moon#moondrop#fnaf Moonrise#Daycare Attendant#Headcanon#Headcanon;Sunrise#Headcanon;Moonrise#Headcanon;Robot Brothers
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fair warning- this is going to be a bit of an essay/rant that no one asked for, but I feel is necessary given the misinformation being spewed by Dr. Gabor Maté and Prince Harry on that ridiculous livestream thing. (tl;dr ADHD can't be diagnosed this casually, it's a whole process. ADHD can't be cured and anyone who says it can is a lying liar who lies. And ADHD is a genetic neuro-developmental disorder, not caused by trauma.)
ADHD cannot be diagnosed in one sitting, especially not by casual observation during a livestream. It requires testing and extensive discussion of diagnostic criteria. (source: CHADD) I have ADHD and got diagnosed in high school. It has been debilitating at times. I have had to leave university and restart a degree due to my executive dysfunction (part of ADHD). It affects my relationships, my employability, everything.
This doctor is seen as controversial in the world of psychiatric research and treatment (for more than a few good reasons, imo. like being pretty dismissive of methodologically sound research and discoveries.) He writes a lot about ADHD but can't manage to get some things right. ADD isn't even a thing. It was updated in the DSM-V to be a second type of ADHD. It's not just "trouble focusing", it's an overactive mind. The mind is the hyperactive part of ADHD. And most importantly, IT CANNOT BE CURED!!! IT IS A NEURO-DEVELOPMENTAL DISORDER. OUR BRAINS ARE PHYSIOLOGICALLY DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE. OUR FRONTAL LOBES ARE UNDERDEVELOPED. IT CAN ONLY BE MANAGED, NOT CURED. (source: Mayo Clinic)
Symptom management is the only treatments available for ADHD. For some, medication in combination with therapy (such as cognitive behavioral therapy) is helpful. Others prefer just therapy or just medication. Routines and support are crucial. Developing tools and strategies to combat symptoms are so important. For example, I have two whiteboards by my desk that have my due dates listed out visually in columns. One whiteboard is a semester view, the other is a weekly view for four weeks. Part of my ADHD is time-blindness (which means that I have a hard time conceptualizing how much time something will take and how far away a due date is), so the whiteboards help me visualize how far away a due date actually is. I have several other strategies and redundancies built into my routines so that nothing falls out of my view.
ADHD is an executive functioning disorder. According to Harvard's Center on the Developing Child, this includes things like "working memory, mental flexibility, and self-control". The University of California San Francisco's Memory and Aging Center divides executive functions into 2 groups: organizational and regulatory abilities. Organizational is things like "attention, planning, sequencing, problem-solving, working memory, cognitive flexibility, abstract thinking, rule acquisition, selecting relevant sensory information." Regulatory abilities are skills such as "initiation of action, self-control, emotional regulation, monitoring internal and external stimuli, initiating and inhibiting context-specific behavior, moral reasoning, decision-making." Both of these groups of skills are extremely important for successful day-to-day functioning and achieving long-term goals. Obviously, not every person with ADHD experiences the same symptoms or the same levels of disability, but we all struggle with these skills to some extent.
Now, I could totally see Prince Harry having ADHD. I think a lot of his behaviors could point to it, along with things he has said about his life experiences. However, I am not a psychiatrist. I can also think of several other disorders that could be an explanation for some of Prince Harry's behaviors. Dr. Maté has a history of controversial views on his specialties of addiction, trauma, and ADHD. He has been rightly criticized for his "reductionist views" on trauma and has incorrectly stated that ADHD is trauma-based, not genetic. Which again, is wrong. The Mayo Clinic lists the causes as "genetics, environment, and problems during development" while also acknowledging that we don't know the exact cause of ADHD. Dr. Maté seems to get the trauma caused to undiagnosed ADHD children for not functioning "correctly" confused for being the actual cause of ADHD. Because man oh man do I have some trauma from being an undiagnosed neurodivergent child. But it didn't cause my ADHD. I was born with that. As was my dad, his dad, his mom, and probably several other people on that side of the family. They just lived in a time before diagnoses were readily available (or even existed) and had to learn how to cope on their own (while probably dealing with their own trauma from doing so.) After I got diagnosed, my dad realized that a lot of the things that I experienced that met the diagnostic criteria were things that he had dealt with his whole life, too. This apparently happens a lot with ADHD kids and parents. Because it's genetic.
Anyway. All that to say, this whole conversation between Harry and Dr. Maté was deeply not okay on multiple levels and only served to spread misinformation about ADHD (and trauma and PTSD, etc.) and induced the rage of a thousand suns. If anyone wants more resources for info about ADHD, check out the links above, as well as ADDitudemag, which is a resource for parents, children, and adults with ADHD. Also, the charity from the tweet that brought this whole stupid mess to my attention: ADHD Foundation. There are a bunch of quacks out there who claim to have a cure or magic fix for ADHD, like some special diet or whatever. But you can't cure or fix it. We're not broken. We're just different. I'm not one to push any specific treatment, but just work with a doctor to use evidence-based treatments and therapies for help with your mental health. Untested quackery causes more harm than good.
#adhd#combat misinformation#adhd misinformation#rant/essay? i guess?#i just had to get this out and vent a little
0 notes
Text
My Favorite Podcasts in 2022
At the end of 2019, I published a blog post about podcasts for 2020. Back then, I was just getting into podcasts. Here’s an updated list of my favorite podcasts. Nowadays, I legitimately consider listening to podcasts to be one of my hobbies. What I love about podcasts is that they are informative and/or entertaining while also requiring low levels of engagement. Namely, they are a great companion for cooking, walks, and bike rides. I will, however, note that there is also great power in being left with our own thoughts. I wrote a bit more about this in an old post titled the power of reflection. My current podcast (and music) app of choice is Spotify. Speaking of music, here’s a post about some of my favorite songs.
The Daily
This New York Times news podcast has been a part of my morning routine for my entire college career. Legitimately, after my alarm, this is the first thing I hear each morning. I’ve written about this previously in each installment of my typical week series. New episodes are released on weekday mornings and are typically a half-hour in length. I first started listening to this podcast simply to become a bit more informed about the world. Over the years I have come to actually look forward to and enjoy each new episode. It’s the news though, so there are definitely some more difficult topics.
How I Built This with Guy Raz
This is my all-time favorite podcast. In each episode, host (and creator) Guy Raz interviews founders about their entrepreneurial journies. The stories are fascinating, but the episodes are also just so well produced. Full episodes are released on Mondays and are typically an hour in length. Nowadays, more experimental HIBT Lab! episodes are released on Thursdays. Whether or not I’d heard of the company/founder, I’ve seriously never been disappointed by an episode! Formerly an NPR podcast, this podcast is now presented by Wondery and Amazon Music. If you take nothing else away from this post, just give this podcast a listen!
Wisdom From the Top with Guy Raz
As you may have noticed from the podcast’s name, this podcast is also with Guy Raz! To be honest, I actually resisted listening to this podcast for a while. Episodes kept showing up in my How I Built This feed and I was frankly annoyed. Eventually, a specific company/leader caught my eye and I haven’t turned back since. This podcast has many of the same elements that make How I Built This great. This podcast is still with NPR and brings in leaders (lots of former CEOs) from today’s top companies. At its core, this podcast is about leadership. New hour-long episodes are released weekly on Wednesdays.
SciShow Tangents
This is a science podcast from Complexity and WNYC Studios. It is formatted like a game show which makes it very entertaining. Each episode kicks off with an original science poem and ends with a listener question and a butt fact. Back in high school, I subscribed to and regularly watched the SciShow YouTube channel. While still a great channel, the daily videos were a bit much. I find the half-hour weekly podcast episodes (released on Tuesdays) to be a lot more manageable and enjoyable.
Hidden Brain
This is a psychology podcast and like How I Built This is a former NPR podcast. New hour-long episodes are released on Mondays. I first discovered this podcast two summers ago (summer 2021), but only recently became a regular listener. If you are like me and enjoy reading psychology books, definitely give this podcast a try!
Planet Money
This is an economics podcast from NPR that really seeks to make learning about economics fun. New episodes are released on Wednesdays and Fridays and are typically 20-30 minutes in length. Compared to the other podcasts on this list, this is my least favorite. That said, it’s still a great podcast that I listen to regularly.
#college#Smith College#podcasts#The Daily#NYT#NPR#HIBT#How I Built This with Guy Raz#Guy Raz#Wisdom From the Top with Guy Raz#Hidden Brain#Planet Money#SciShow Tangents
0 notes
Text
In Orbit (30/?)
Pairing: Klaine
Rating: T-ish? Very low M?
Fic Summary: Blaine starts attending NYU, and he and Kurt weave in and out of each other’s lives - as friends, exes, friends with benefits, and harder-to-define labels - while they navigate college, relationships, and adulthood in New York.
Notes: Now that Klaine Advent and the holidays are over, I should be back to approximately-weekly updates of this fic!
Read on AO3 | All chapters
Da da da-da da daaaa.
Blaine clicked his tongue. Not quite. Da da da-da da da-daaa…? No, not right either.
He took his hands off of the electric keyboard balanced next to him on his bed and examined the notation paper in his lap. He inspected his handwritten notes, erased one, and then tried out the new chord on the keyboard. No, he decided, that was the worst one yet.
Sometimes writing music was like magic. He’d always had the passion, the ability to get lost in music, to pour his whole heart and soul into a song. As he’d gained more technical composing skills in college - learning the theory behind the notes and chords, understanding music not just as a feeling but as a physical reality - he’d learned how to approach songs as puzzles to be solved, things to be built with the tools at his disposal. Sometimes those things meshed well - he had the spark of an idea, a feeling he wanted to convey, a mood he wanted to create, and he could just do it, the knowledge he’d cultivated right there on the tip of his tongue, and a song could pour out of him in an afternoon. It was never perfect on the first try, but in those lucky moments it did sort of feel like he’d been struck with divine inspiration.
And then there were nights like this, when all of the notes just seemed wrong, and no matter how he tweaked it he couldn’t achieve the sound he was looking for.
He heard footsteps from the other side of his makeshift walls, and then Kurt’s soft voice. “Hey, Blaine?”
“Yeah,” Blaine replied, which was another way of saying come in.
Kurt understood, and pulled aside the curtain. He was wearing clothes for lounging around - a white henley, a worn cardigan, sweatpants that still managed to hug his thighs in a very appealing way. Blaine could see the slightest of dark circles under his eyes, but knew that he would never, ever mention them aloud to Kurt.
“Could you use headphones?” Kurt asked. “I just - I have an article due tomorrow and I cannot get my brain to work.”
Blaine flicked the power switch on the keyboard to OFF. “I’m having the same issue,” he replied. “As you could probably tell.”
Kurt smirked. “You have been playing the same couple measures over and over.”
Blaine set his pencil and sheet music on the bedside table, then opened his arms, an invitation. Kurt rolled his eyes, but stepped forward, settling on Blaine’s lap so he could wind his arms around him.
Blaine pressed his face into the crook of Kurt’s neck, breathing deeply. “Just two more days,” he said. “Then we’re on break.”
Blaine pulled back, Kurt’s arms resting on his shoulders, one hand toying with the hair at the back of his neck. “Two days,” Kurt repeated, “and we’re off to Ohio, for five blissful days without school.”
Thanksgiving break, and they were both going home. They’d brave the hell of LaGuardia over a holiday weekend and head west, for elaborate meals with family and probably an informal glee club reunion.
“We can survive two days,” Blaine said, and Kurt hummed an affirmative response.
Blaine pressed his lips to the underside of Kurt’s jaw, letting his teeth scrape against the slightest of stubble there. He felt Kurt shiver.
“Blaine,” he chastised. “I have to go finish writing. I don’t have time.”
“But Kurt,” Blaine whined overdramatically. “You taste so good.”
“I’ll taste the same after I finish my post.”
Blaine peppered a few kisses against the soft skin of Kurt’s neck. “If you say so.”
He loosened his grip around Kurt’s waist, but Kurt didn’t get up. Instead, his fingers brushed over the back of Blaine’s neck, slipping down to trace along the edge of his shirt collar.
“I thought you had to go write,” Blaine teased.
“Maybe I could use a break,” Kurt said, looking dark-eyed at Blaine. “Just a quick one.”
Blaine felt his whole body jolt with heat. “I’d be happy to give you a quick break.”
He leaned back onto the bed, pulling Kurt with him. Kurt hovered above him, his eyes raking over Blaine, and Blaine felt itchy with anticipation. Finally Kurt leaned in, breath ghosting over Blaine’s skin, and kissed him. His tongue swiped across Blaine’s lower lip, and Blaine eagerly opened his mouth, happy to taste Kurt deeper. He gripped Kurt’s waist, thumbs brushing against the bottom of his rib cage, feeling the warmth of his skin through his shirt.
Kurt pulled back and let out a breathy laugh. “God, how am I gonna keep my hands off you for five days?”
“What?” Blaine asked, trying to divert his thoughts from Kurt’s mouth and Kurt’s skin and Kurt’s hips.
Kurt moved his hand to brush his fingers over Blaine’s clavicle where it peeked above his shirt. “Over Thanksgiving. It’s gonna be so weird to be around you and not be able to touch you.”
Blaine felt suddenly like he’d been smacked, the pleasant haze of arousal quickly fading. “So, when we go home, you’re just going to act like we’re...nothing?”
Kurt’s eyebrows creased. “No,” he said, and Blaine felt a wash of relief before he added, “I mean, I’ll treat you like my friend. And roommate.”
Blaine propped himself up on his elbows, forcing Kurt to sit up as well. He stared at Kurt, his mouth slightly open, but didn’t know what to say.
“What, Blaine?” Kurt asked, looking confused and maybe annoyed. “You want to go home and announce to all our friends and family that we’re fucking?”
Blaine was by no means a prude, and generally found it quite hot when Kurt swore, but the way he’d said it then just seemed crass, and an uneasy feeling filled Blaine’s stomach. “No,” he replied. “But I also don’t want to pretend that we’re something we’re not. I don’t want this to be some...dirty secret, something to be ashamed of.”
Kurt sighed, sitting up straight and looking away. “It’s not like that, Blaine. You know I’m not ashamed of you. I just don’t want people to know about our private lives. You know it’ll be weird, it’ll just open up more questions and assumptions.”
Blaine blinked at him. “So you don’t want people to assume we’re dating.”
“No,” Kurt replied tersely, “because we’re not.”
He disentangled himself from Blaine, standing up. Blaine felt abruptly cold in his absence. “I know that,” Blaine said softly.
“Then act like it,” Kurt snapped, crossing his arms. “Of course we’re not going to tell people at home. Have you even told anyone?”
Blaine pulled his legs onto the bed, folding them against his chest. “Sho knows.” He still hadn’t told Effie about the change in his and Kurt’s relationship, but that was just because she’d always been a little judgmental about Kurt.
“And I’ve told Rachel,” Kurt replied. “That’s all. Because it would be weird to talk about my sex life to everyone.”
Blaine couldn’t argue with that logic, but on the other hand, it didn’t feel right. Because it wasn’t just sex - it wasn’t transactional like that, it wasn’t as though sometimes they were just normal roommates and sometimes they were people who had sex. Every aspect of their relationship was a part of the rest of their lives together. It was that they could flirt and compliment each other amid casual conversation. It was that they could communicate wordlessly because they knew each other so well, just sharing a glance or a gesture or an expression, whether it was across the apartment or when they were in bed together. It was that while they were having sex they could laugh at something they’d been talking about earlier over dinner. It was all tangled together, the whole of their relationship, the way they felt about each other.
“So then why aren’t we just together?” Blaine asked suddenly. “You’re my best friend, and we’re living together, and sleeping together. You haven’t been dating anyone, and neither have I - you can’t tell me you don’t have feelings for me, Kurt.”
Kurt looked at him, his expression unreadable. Finally he sighed, the line of his mouth hardening, and said, “Blaine, I can’t. I can’t be someone who - who breaks up with someone and then gets back together with them. It never works.” He paused before adding, “especially when the reason we broke up is because you cheated on me.”
Blaine scoffed, feeling anger rise under his skin. “Kurt, it’s been years since we were together. Do you not think we’ve both - grown? That we’re not ready for that? Do you really believe I would ever do that again? After what we’ve both been through?” When Kurt didn’t answer, Blaine desperately asked, “Are you saying that you don’t love me?”
“I never stopped loving you, Blaine!” Kurt’s voice erupted from his throat, his eyes bright and his cheekbones flushed with emotion. “That’s what was so goddamn scary. Even after you’d - betrayed my trust, treated me like I didn’t matter, done such a terrible thing to me...I still loved you so much, and I missed you so much.” He wiped at the tear that had fallen down his cheek, and when he spoke again his voice cracked. “And what the hell does that mean? What does that say about what I think about myself? What would I have let you get away with, and go on loving you? Don’t I deserve better than that? So yes, I love you. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.” He took a deep, wavering breath. “But I can’t just...forget what happened, or forget what that meant.”
When he finished speaking, the room was quiet except for their ragged breaths. Blaine couldn’t pinpoint how he felt. Like he’d been punched, maybe, or drenched in water. Like he’d been handed a precious thing and then seen it destroyed immediately. Like he was equally sad and angry, equally guilty and grieving. He stared at Kurt, who looked so broken, so undone with hurt, yet stubbornly standing his ground.
“This…” Blaine finally managed. “I just, I can’t do this anymore,” he said, not realizing until he spoke it aloud that it was true. Everything had seemed so perfect until just moments ago, when reality came crashing into the little paradise they’d created over the past several weeks. “I can’t do things halfway with you. If you want to - work through things, to talk about the past, to build our trust...if you still don’t trust me after all this time, then let’s fix that. I’m willing to work on that. But I can’t just have this - this bare minimum relationship with you. I want everything with you.”
Maybe he’d known this all along and had just been studiously ignoring that reality, but Blaine knew now that this was true. He loved being with Kurt, in every way - and he wanted to do it for real. He needed to, because the idea of going to Lima and acting like he and Kurt were just friends, that they didn’t feel all the things they really felt about each other, made him sick.
He watched Kurt, trying to gauge his emotions. They’d known each other so well, for so long, but he still couldn’t be sure what Kurt was going to do next.
Kurt blinked, more tears falling, and he looked away. “...I can’t, Blaine,” he breathed. “I can’t do that.”
And it was like something cracked inside Blaine, something about him suddenly wrong. It was like everything in the world tilted sideways, and he didn’t know how to catch his balance.
He stood and turned away from Kurt. He picked up the notation notebook on his bedside table, and grabbed his phone. He moved past Kurt so he could pick up his school bag and put his notebook inside. He knelt on the ground, looked under his bed, and pulled out the duffel bag he kept stored there. He stood back up and moved to his dresser, starting to pull out clothing.
“Blaine,” Kurt finally said, breaking the silence. “What are you doing?”
Blaine didn’t trust his voice, trying to focus on what clothing he would need. He opened another drawer to get pajamas. He’d need to grab his toothbrush, he realized.
“Blaine,” Kurt prompted again, his voice still thick.
“I’m going to spend the night at Sho’s,” Blaine replied mechanically. His clothing was going to be wrinkled with the way he was shoving it into the bag, but he didn’t care. He got his phone charger and then glanced around the room, pointedly ignoring Kurt, trying to think of anything else he’d need for class the next day.
“You don’t have to - “ Kurt began.
“I’m going,” Blaine cut him off, pushing past the curtain to exit his room.
Kurt watched him, but didn’t protest again as he got his toiletries from the bathroom, put on his shoes and coat, and left the loft. He texted Sho that he was on his way as he walked through the miserably cold air to the subway station. It was going to be a long ride into Manhattan.
#fic: in orbit#my fic#klaine fic#klaine fanfiction#this chapter is important to me but also i'm sorry
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Life Update
So I’ve been at the new place a month this week.
I love it here - but honestly five years of working with a nice boss did not prepare me for working with a stack of nice bosses.
Hmm.
If that makes sense? That said - I would absolutely not have been able to handle this level of care and concern if I’d jumped into this position five years ago. Like - I needed to work with one genuinely kind supervisor as like. Kindness coping lessons?
It’s built into my resume - over the last eight years I’ve made it a point to include a statement in my cover letter about how important it is to continuously build safe spaces in kitchens, and making a place where other people can grow and develop their skills in a place that isn’t full of anger and mismanaged stress.
At the point when I started drafting that, I made a very conscious decision that I didn’t want to be angry at work. That was after a lot of self evaluation, and it was (always is) a work in progress. Angry chef and bitchy/catty chef are stereotypes for a lot of reasons.
Anyway - the point is, I knew what I wanted to make possible, but I’d never seen it before, in real life. I just had the notion that it was something that should be doable.
And then I got painfully lucky, and got to work for someone for five years who had had the same conscious realization, and wanted to make the same thing? Who manages with compassion and kindness. It was a little frustrating having to watch her bend over backwards to ensure that everyone else stuck to that, and it didn’t always work out. There are plenty of things that weren’t great about it, but.
It was doable. Not only was it doable but it was being put into practice. I can’t. I can’t express how wonderful and eye opening and just goddamn relieving it was, to know that we could make a place like that. And that people didn’t have to go home miserable everyday.
Kitchen work is hard. It’s hard, it can be more than a bit thankless, and a lot of kitchen culture is toxic in a way that feels insurmountable - like. Burn it to the ground and start over insurmountable. But it really, truly doesn’t have to be that way.
And I talked about it over the years with friends and it was kind of but not really a joke between us that moving to Nashville and leaving Savannah was like getting out of an abusive relationship - just. Ya know. We broke up with the Sav Service Industry. Like. Honestly- we can’t lose steam with demanding better mental health support for service instrusty employees because it’s hella overdue.
Now though. I’m here in Florida. And it’s not just one boss who is a decent person. Maybe it’s telling that one of our company managers talks about his 5 years of hell at the last place he worked (I just about died when he said it was in Hilton Head the poor man is NOT WRONG) and how he doesn’t want that for anyone else. Honestly, every manager I’ve talked to here so far has a horror story like that, that made them stop and go “Fuck, I don’t want this for other people or for me anymore how do I fix this”.
Somehow I’ve found myself in a place that’s five steps further along. No one is having to bend over backwards to constantly enforce kindness. No one is shouting. No one is throwing temper tantrums. I have several bosses and co-managers who are all kind and like to touch base and make sure I’m not overworking or overextended. It’s still summer, so the kitchen is on a skeleton crew until the seasonal hires start to arrive in October, but it’s with the expectation of teaching. There is a lot of kindness and patience to go around. Instead of discouraging employees to report injuries and accidents, the staff is begging people to do it “Please, it’s ok, we aren’t mad, look this is why we have chemical flush stations oh god please just let us take you to the hospital” conversations have happened.
It’s safe here. It really is.
Now I just have to keep pushing through all the residual anxiety.
I have a weekly scheduled meeting with my direct supervisor just to touch base, check in, see how things are going. Every single meeting has been delightful and every single time the night before and up to it I’ve been getting “called to the principals office” unnecessary anxiety vibes. Literally my last meeting when I walked in the door started with him saying “Ah! I’m so happy you are here! I’m so glad to have you on staff” like excuse 404ERROR my brain does not know how to handle this yet.
I spent a month worrying about my drafts for new menus and they were due yesterday. I was a little dissatisfied with them, I felt like I hadn’t done enough, and I pointed out in the email that these weren’t comprehensive, but that I felt like they were a good start - look, I had seven banquet and catering menus to write, including planning all the holiday pick up meal menus for the next year. Imagine if someone asked you to write every single variation of your skill but also pare it down to a manageable list that isn’t overwhelmed with too many choices. It’s HARD.
And the email I got back after sending those off last night: “Wow! You’ve really outdone yourself! This is more than I could have ever asked for or expected, I can’t wait to go over it” etc etc.
Current Me is a WiP and is cautiously pleased, but yeah. I can see how 5 Years Past Me would have imploded on the spot and been completely unprepared for this level of decency.
So anyway. We will see how it goes, but overall, I’m happy.
Also I forgot how desperately I need water and sunshine and I’m pretty sure I’m actually just a damn tropical flower because I am absolutely thriving in 90F Florida humidity and full sun.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
The 100 weekly update: the final season.
And we are once again traveling in time… to 3 months early, and air is bad. Bardo is a weird place. Aliens are dead.
"Let me get this straight, the 10ft aliens with superior technology that built this place got genocided and turned to stone by the enemy we're going to fight?"
"Precisely..."
“I do love me an unwinnable war."
Anyone else worried about how much PTSD Madi will suffer after all she been through?? Can Lexa come back and save her child??
Poor Emori. Pretty sure she is preggo.
Indra cleans up everyone else’s messes.
Are they actually going to make the big badass female warriors train with nobody’s?
Weird dude Levitt is Octavias number one fan.
How this dudes how so many cool tech?
Sheiheda again….. can someone put a bullet to his brain? please! Each time Indra comes on I am like The 100 Reasons to Love Indra!
Where is Gaia? I completely forgot about her.
So the Disciples don’t need sex to have babies…. they just make them in weird machines.
Every single time they say “For all man kind” I get that this is going to go super wrong.
“You just like someone giving you orders so you don’t have to think for yourself” Echo and Hope on different sides this won’t end well.
Echo is an assassin/spy trained to assimilate into whatever culture she’s into. I feel like she’s going to be the one who brings Bardos down.
Octavia and weird dude.... boom chica bau boom. And now Levitt defects, after discovering how babies are REALLY made. WAIT WHAT IS IN HER BACK??
“If anything happened to my girl” Awww Murphy.
Hope wanting to set a farm in fire... Reminds me of someone.
“I thought Bellamy meant something to you” Oh Hope is puching it!
ECHO WHAT THE FUCK!?
DIYOSA WHAT THE FUCK!?
OCTAVIA WHAT THE FUCK!?
I didn’t expect that scene to be a test/simulation. My jaw was ON THE FLOOR.
Are you telling me that Octavia “Blodreina", “Skairipa", “Queen of the cannibals" Blake was broken by some half assed brainwashing and sex???
THEY HAVE TO BE FAKENING!
Indra....ALL IT WOULD’VE TAKEN IS ONE BULLET TO HIS HEAD!
And now even the former Grounders are kneeling. Anybody that didn’t think Sheidheda wasn’t gonna slaughter those people haven’t been taking him seriously.
I miss Madi and Clarke.
The next episode, 7x10, will air August 5, 2020. Mid-season hiatus begins now.
New world, same problems.
Also: LEXA DESERVED BETTER
#clarke griffin#madi and clarke#madi griffin#john x emori#echo#octavia blake#octavia x diyoza#hope diyoza#the 100#the 100 season 7#the 100 spoilers#john murphy#indra#gaia#clexa fanfiction#lexa and clarke#madi and lexa#lexa deserved better#wlw#clexa#clexa family#the 100 prequel#eliza taylor#Sheidheda#Tasya Teles#marie avgeropoulos#may we meet again#heda lexa#weekly
83 notes
·
View notes
Text
NYE and The Miys
As promised, I have a special announcement to make!
TL,DR at the bottom.
Some background, first:
For those who may not know, "The Miys" was originally a one-off response to a writing prompt. I joined Tumblr in 2017 at the suggestion of @raven-fae, who is my IRL sibling and has been here much longer. I had always wanted to be a writer, but was stuck (and am still stuck) on my novel. Raven suggested I start writing on here, as a way of practice.
On my original blog, I started writing responses to various prompts, just anything that caught my eye. And then? August 2017 happened. A specific prompt hit my eye. I wrote it, threw it into the void, but this one latched into my brain and would not let go. A month later, the story started screaming at me, and I went back to finish it up. But something I didn't expect happened...
'The Miys' happened.
Three years later, there are 121 chapters of "The Miys" here on Tumblr (I know, I need to update my master list again). In addition to Raven, I have @baelpenrose and @charlylimph-blog helping me stay on track and keep going. Early on, the chapters started posting weekly, and I'm proud to say I haven't missed more than 1 or 2 weeks intentionally.
I said all that to say this:
As Bael pointed out recently in a reblog, the story happens more-or-less over the same span of time I've been writing it consistently: 2 years and 9 months. The trip is expected to take 10 years subjective time.
I have no plans to post this story weekly for 10 years. I love you all, but I think it would get dull, very quickly. Also, you would be surprised how much research goes into this story - into the information on Von alone.
Instead, starting with Ch. 122, the story will go from the first 2 years of the journey to the last 2 years. That isn't to say I won't fill in those gaps later - I'm leaving that open and possible right now. But that means that the main story has 2 years left, tops.
To allow myself the chance to get a buffer of chapters built back up (work wrecked the one I had), I am also taking 2 weeks hiatus. I will still answer any asks I receive, inbox is always open, and I am ecstatic for the engagement I have been getting recently. Please don't think you have to stop that. I love it. I just need to get that buffer back so I don't end up with unplanned hiatuses later down the road.
Thank, all of you, for making this possible! The Miys has become something I am extremely proud of, and that is literally because of how amazing y'all are.
TL,DR: The Miys is going to fast forward 6 years, and will be back Jan 19, 2021.
#the miys#update#yes I work a full-time job#55+ hour weeks#this is why i don't have a patreon or push my ko-fi
16 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
behrendninja
K/DA Headspace
sakib03
Untitled
nyc200922
けんまろらいふ☆
sandrafernandesmachado
Sem título
sanglunaria
sanglunaria