#making this post and even stupider for making it knowing that i'll delete it later. gods. i feel like a fucking mess
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why are we so scared to like. ask for attention, or to vent, like, i’ve had to hype myself up for quite some time to even make a post saying that we’re struggling and i know we’ll probably end up deleting it but like. why do we not let ourselfves ask for attention when we need it? why are we so scared to ask for help in general, or to even accept it when offered?
#i think maybe i'm too scared of bothering people. especially on the attention front. i'm a complete attention whore. and i wish i felt okay#to tell people when i'm not doing okay and when i need reassurance or just someone to chat with or gods forbid compliments and praise#i think that anon earlier kind of brought up a bunch of things i've been trying to repress lately. lately and for eternity. i've been trying#to teach myself that it's okay to do something for myself or to be frivolous and simply enjoy being. that it's okay to be selfish every once#in a while. but then when i do i almost immediately get someone being upset at me for it. we've been feeling sick since that ask and i don't#know about the others but i can't stop thinking about it. i want those fucking checkmarks gone. i don't want to be reminded of my own#stupidity and impulsivity. gods forbid i ever do anything that's solely for myself and not anyone else. but not sarcastic this time#and i feel so stupid for being upset about this. and i feel stupid for repressing things even when i said i wouldn't. and i feel stupid for#making this post and even stupider for making it knowing that i'll delete it later. gods. i feel like a fucking mess#vent#Cecil's tag#since a lot of this is more me than the others. i don't want them to be dragged into my own messy emotions
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#I know I'm very sensitive atm but why does it bother me so much to see everyone on my dash get a bunch of replies to that stupid pentagram#post just because I didn't get any?#like come on i behave like a stupid child#but it makes me weirdly sad and I feel like people just don't wanna interact with me (which might be utter bs but yk)#and I get that feeling even when the post is supposed to be nothing more than me screaming into the void which is SO stupid like ??#brain just please stfu#okay bye I'll go back to my comfort show...#will delete later ✌🏻
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#I'm hoping it's just because the whole day has been nothing but anxiety but my chest hurts and I've been having a little trouble breathing#I'm hoping that if i can just sleep this off I'll feel better tomorrow and it's not another health issue or something#like i said this entire day has been just awful. the only good thing that happened was finding my sketchy pen#the rest of the day has been just so fucking awful#so I'm sure it's just anxiety I'm sure. but knowing my health it still makes me even more anxious to think that it might not be#a stupid dumb cycle of physical pain and anxiety that just keeps spiraling and i hate it so much#I'm probably gonna delete this and the other post later#but yeah it's just been a very long very awful day#vent
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Mm didn't miss the feeling of no one actually care about what i say and if they do then right after ignore me and talking with someone else and if i try to join the conversation it's somehow almost always something related to them that i have nothing to add to or if it's a subject i do have something to say then i actually feel like I need to fight to have the ability to talk cus they keep talking and not carrying I'm there but i can't fucking look like I'm feeling sad because then the some times they talk to me they'll just be like heh she's just not in the mood and leave me alone which isn't fucking helping being ignored even more and then we come to situations like now where everyone's talking and I'm in my phone feeling bad inside and kinda wishing it wasn't, simply bad
#aren't friends that do care for u but most of the time you feel like they not are just fun#even more fun after you've randomly found new friends that you've ACTUALLY met liks every two days and they let you talk when you want to#say something#and some times you break in the middle on their sentence because you're so used to if you don't talk now you'll never#and then feel bad cus they actually do let you talk#so you tell them ur sorry and to finish their sentence and all is well#or when they don't let you talk for a sec and you shut up but they REALLY ACTUALLY ASK YOU WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO SAY?!#how do you get back from that#and school starts soon and I'll see then regular friend probably more often again and the new friends less cus they're in another city next#to mine#and yes I'm kinda less compatible with the new friends#they act and do stuff I don't really like cus i feel weird#but like if they take a photo out of a joke (like i do of them) but then i see it and feel peralized with how ugly i look they'll just#delete it and i won't have to figure to make sure they did#to actually know they won't recycle it later#and when i asj them to blurr me in silly videos we make and post they'll take the time to make sure it's all fine with me#how am i spouse to keep meeting with the other friends when we're all together I'm always left out#for small instenses of time not but i find myself feeling this a lot for few years#i want to tell them but it always feel like it'll be ranting of stupid shit#or they just try too hard everytime and I won't actually feel normal#and I'm always like#smiling when talking with them and when I'm just existing and they don't even look I'm with a dead face overthinking every shit even#i could actually simply don't schedule anything with them and it'll take the feeling of a YEAR for them to maybe? care and ask me if i#wanna meet#so#it sucks#and i know 2/4 of them all my life and the other two for FIVE+ years#it's stupid to cut a friendship like that but it's also a shitty one where i feel shitty and being left out
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TL;DR: AITA for using slurs to try and take them back?
Kindly asking people who arent queer or have autism/adhd ect not to vote
I have autism, Adhd, BPD and am a lesbian genderfluid person. I found out a while ago that theres people who actually try and take back words so they can't really be used against the people it was used against anymore. For example. The r word and the f word (not fuck, The other one)
I've been using them more lately to try and take em back, Yknow? I don't see anything wrong with it since I myself am autistic and apart of the lgbtq. I use it in arguments, I use it against my friends when we're playing around and pretending to be mad, And I even use it against myself at times calling myself yknow, A f and r word. I don't wanna say the actual things here incase it triggers anyone reading.
I always tag it correctly if its online or public, And I don't use them in every argument, Only if they started using stuff like that first. It's never been a problem, Until as of late. We made a new friend and they told me that I have no right to use those words, And that I'm hurting real autistic people and gay people [I don't know if they were implying I'm faking? I've been diagnosed by multiple doctors when I was little for the nerodivergency, And I've always liked using different pronouns and women since I remember]
It's begun to kinda tear our friend group apart. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I'm trying to take it back so it can be come as useless as any insult like stupid or ugly. I want to make it more normalized so it cant hurt anyone anymore
Some still agree that I'm not really hurting anyone but now a few of my friends say until I stop they want nothing to do with me. I'm fine with not saying it around them if it makes them uncomfortable, But they say I need to stop for good.
AITA for saying these, And WIBTA for not stopping in general instead of just around them?
I'll put the word to search here incase I want this deleted
"plagiarize"
Just a note about that last line: please do not submit things intending to have them deleted later. Deleting posts is a courtesy I offer in case it becomes too dangerous or painful to have up, not something you should be planning for when you submit it.
What are these acronyms?
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IMPORTANT: Hello! My old account, Lovemari, got deleted. Therefore, I had to make a new one. I'm honestly pretty upset about this so I'll take some time to recover! Thankfully, all my posts are saved as I write them in google docs before posting. Please like and reblog so I can reach my old followers and potentially new ones!
Love & Care - Wanderer x Reader
Reminder: I'm not an experienced writer so construction criticism is always welcome! Also, I write for fun. I just wanted to share my work around the world!
You were no stranger to ugly looks and gossip at your high school. People found you hideous and odd, often avoiding you. You never knew why humanity could be so downright cruel.
Whenever you faced these problems, you talked to your boyfriend, Wanderer. You've only just recently dated him, but you feel like you could spend your life with him eternally.
Wanderer held your hand, resting your head on his shoulder as you let out all your pain. Although he was never one to understand emotions, he encouraged himself to understand yours.
The Wanderer would whisper words of comfort in your ears, letting you know that even though people may dislike you, he'll always love you.
It was later found out that the reason people are pressed about you is because of your relationship with Wanderer. He was always the campus crush and dating him would make girls jealous. Therefore, the girls often made you feel inferior, hoping you'd break up with your boyfriend.
You kept quiet about this. You didn't want to make Wanderer lash out on this group of individuals. You didn't want to be the reason for Wanderer's downfall.
Despite your efforts to keep quiet, Wanderer knew something was up. He often gave you notes in class, asking you what's the problem. You would say “nothing” even though you're not very good at lying, making his suspicion rise even higher.
At night, Wanderer visited your dorm. He crawled into your bed and turned off the lights, “(Name.)” He whispered, though his voice somewhat stern,“I know something's wrong.” He concluded. You took a heavy sigh, deciding it's time to spill the beans, “You know them?” You began, referring to the group of girls. Scaramouche nodded, “Yeah. Were they bothering you again?” He asked, cautiously. You shook your head, “Not exactly. You see, the reason they're bullying me is because they're jealous of us.” You concluded.
It took a few moments for Wanderer to process this. His eyebrows furrowed, “How stupid.” He hissed, “How dare they lash out on you..” He glared, sounding quite annoyed. You didn't have an answer. Wanderer gave you an assuring kiss, “Just stay away from them. Always remind yourself that they're only wasting their time being mad.” He assured you, wanting you to understand the fact that they're jealous of you and angry that you have what they could never get. You wrapped your arms around Wanderer, without saying a word.
You knew you found a good boyfriend, who not only cared about you, but also for you.
#dividers by cafekitsune#genshin#genshin impact#genshin wanderer#genshin x reader#wanderer x reader#wanderer x you#wanderer#wanderer fluff#genshin impact wanderer#wanderer comfort#genshin scaramouche#genshin impact scaramouche#scaramouche x you#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche#scaramouche x y/n#scaramouche fluff#scaramouche comfort#genshin drabbles#genshin fluff#genshin impact fluff#genshin impact drabbles#genshin x y/n#genshin x you#genshin x reaader#x reader#genshin self insert#self insert#fluff
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I made a mistake. Several actually. Several very severe mistakes. And this post isn't meant to make it all ok, I have accepted that many are rightfully mad at me, but I do hope that I can at least have some context to the mistakes I made and why I made them.
First let me say that I am privileged. That much is true. I am a white man in the american suburbs. I have the luxury of not only not being personally affected by many social issues but not even having to witness them. But I still want to be a good person. And part of that is learning about these social issues by talking and interacting with people online. But I'm still not perfect. I'm barely an adult and I have a lot of growing to do as a person. And hopefully with this in mind it will make some of the mistakes I will go over just a bit more understandable.
Back in mid march I made the submissions post for this blog, and did not expect to get as many as I did. I then spent a month taking as many submissions as I could and putting them in a list. All in all I ended up with over 2000 characters. From that alone it should be understandable why I couldn't research every one before releasing the bracket. I even ended up with many mistakes like incorrect labeling and duplicate characters.
However the first true mistake came later. I was making the poll posts themselves and I got to Lance. I knew I should have done something at the time but I didn't exactly know what. It was one poll and I was doing 16 polls per day minimum, but ideally double that so that I could have a backlog of posts. So I didn't spend as much time thinking about the issue as I should have and the conclusion I came to was that at the end of the day it was a fictional character, and if I properly content warning it it will be fine. Anyone who is sensitive to that imagery can block it. This is largely where my ignorance came in. While it may sound improbable to those who do know more I promise you I genuinely thought that I was doing no harm. And while I won't lie and say I am now a master in the topic now I do have a better understanding of the harm that this decision caused. Additionally my pride got to me. I am very proud of having "the biggest bracket on tumblr" but I had already had quite a few be disqualified for being duplicates or real people, so I didn't want to make the bracket any smaller and lose prestige. This was far from the main reason I kept him in, but it was morally wrong.
People's response to the original poll was mixed. There were people who immediately asked me to remove him, but others were on my side in saying that he should stay since he's a fictional character and his morals don't matter. So I defaulted to the stance I already had, and did nothing. This was a mistake. Above all else I should have prioritized everyone feeling safe and comfortable on my blog.
But the last night it was about an hour later then I should have been asleep and my brain was incredibly stupid, and things started to go down hill. I got the first ask in a while about Lance, and I decided to put an end to the issue. My way of doing this was doing a poll. In my mind this was my way of accounting for my ignorance. I don't know much about how severe this issue is, so I'll put it in the hands of people who did.
This poll also got mixed results. Some said I should just have the conviction to eliminate him myself, but others brought up things about that character I didn't know, like how he apparently has a character arc of learning fascism is bad, or that he has other visuals where he's wearing different outfits. I also got messages from fans of the series who thanked me for giving the character a chance. This made me feel comfortable in being a "neutral party". However with the notes I felt that I should "do this right" which unfortunately led to me doing the exact opposite.
I deleted the original poll, where 70% were in favor of disqualifying him. I didn't think it was a big deal since it had only been up a few minutes, but this was yet another mistake. I made a new poll, which included info that had been told to me since the previous poll. But the problem was that what I had actually written was not good. It was almost midnight at this point, so while I tried to remain a "neutral party" I ended up having the info show a very clear bias. And considering the character in question, people began to wonder why I was trying so hard to keep him in the poll. This led to many replies on the poll that began to overwhelm me. I was starting to realize the mistakes I had made and just how deep of a pit I had dug myself in. I panicked. I turned off replies and deleted all the ones on that were on the poll so that I could say everything I wanted to say interrupted. This backfired, and led to people going to the reblogs instead. And me deleting all the replies looked BAD. While I was trying to get the things I wanted to say out the post had spread. Spread even outside of the people who normally know this account. People who knew nothing of the history and structure of this blog, who thought that I had seen a character who was a Nazi and thought "sure come right in" and I was now trying desperately to keep him in.
This understandably made people very mad when that was their perception. Many many people were saying terrible hurtful things to me. Their heart was in the right place but even now I do not agree with the kind of harassment some stooped to. At this point I was in a full blown panic attack. Every bit of damage control dug me deeper into the pit. I decided that I needed to deal with this situation with a clear head so that I didn't make more mistakes in a panic. I deleted the poll about Lance's elimination and went to bed.
That brings us to this morning. I have announced that Lance is disqualified, and deleted the original poll containing him. I promise you all that I will try my hardest to prevent anything like this from happening again on my blog. I want to make things as right as I can. And I hope now you all will believe me when I say that I am not a Nazi, or an antisemite, I'm just a privileged idiot who made some dumb mistakes.
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Dungeons and Daddies Wiki Drama: A Greek Tragedy Told through the Medium of Forum Posts (Part 3)
Act 3: Death of a Mod Team
A sockpuppet by any other name would smell just as sweet.
Stay tuned for a late-breaking update later today- wiki admin Gaycowboyrats has gone on the record about their experience and I'll be sharing that with you all this afternoon!
In this, our last Act, we explore the consequences of wiki overreach of power.
First, the silent downfall of Gaycowboyrats.
December 5th, 2023:
The main concern? Inactivity.
Notable PawnSum quote: "I am sorry for not catching my mistake for three hours. I feel so foolish. I wish I wasn't autistic."
TwoRatner response: "I promise to keep you safe."
(A quick, sincere note for any readers- while I think many of the admin actions were... inadvisable at best, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being autistic or making an easy typo. I genuinely hope that whoever is behind the PawnSum account doesn't feel that way about themselves).
The secondary concern? Racism in a Thor: Ragnarok movie review, and being a "trimmer of life."
(The link provided was https://rate.house/user/Gaycowboyrats, for anyone curious. It appears the page has since been deleted, but stay tuned for more on this in a separate post later).
The tertiary concern? Account security.
Another reference to site breaches and administrator account hacks. Interesting.
Thus, the admin privileges of Gaycowboyrats were revoked. In a chorus of moderators and users with, again, suspiciously similar speech patterns, they were voted off the island wiki.
December 7th, 2023:
The next Admin Discussion Zone begins where A New Development left off- with the transgressions of Brazil86.
"Please don't vote to remove me. I can still help. He's gone, so everything should be fine."
What this tells me, and the questions it leaves me with:
The most obvious conclusion is that getting voted out of administrator power is a very real and present threat, even for active wiki administrators.
By "he's gone," I wonder if Brazil86 means Gaycowboyrats, the admin who was just removed a day before (though Gaycowboyrats does not use he/him pronouns, to my knowledge). If so, this implies a coordinated effort on the part of the other admins to remove Gaycowboyrats greater than what we saw in the forum.
Or is this referring to some other event yet unaddressed in the forums? Maybe this is about the aforementioned account security breaches?
HungerBunger: "I think we're all mad at you."
My kingdom for a look at their Discord server.
TwoMarshall: "I just want you to not be me." An interesting turn of phrase for accounts that tend to speak in remarkably similar ways.
Brazil86: "It is fixed, so please don't make me fall."
This Admin Discussion Zone is a dramatic depature from the ones that precede it.
The admins admit doubt, worry the rules are too restrictive, and yet Marth8204 still expresses optimism that the wiki will grow soon.
December 9th, 2023:
In the immortal words of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and wiki administrator TwoMarshall, it is done.
The split was complete. No more season 2 material would be allowed on the original Dungeons and Daddies wiki.
Another wiki user, Notapissboy, attempts to talk sense into the moderators. They're informed in no uncertain terms that they, in fact, are the one being stupid here.
Nicoh Watonshing: "Are you an admin? No. Am I? No. I however understand when I am being too big for my britches."
An interesting framing. Do any of us really know when we're being too big for our britches?
What is hubris, if not being too big for your britches?
Iconic Nicoh Watonshing quote: "It's free parking on Park Place."
(It must be noted for posterity that the Park Place spot in Monopoly is the second-most expensive property in the game.)
FunderStun sagely responds to this with the lyrics to the song Shooting Star by Bag Raiders.
HungerBunger: "You have the freedom to do good."
Users November Jane and Sol-Has-An-Obsession come in with more questions and critiques. By this point, the administrator team seem to have gotten tired of the whole issue.
After this, wiki forum discussion and activity appear to have moved past the drama. Perhaps they just moved on with their lives. Perhaps the only ones left to discuss things were the administrators who instigated the issue.
Only time will tell.
December 16th, 2023:
December 19th, 2023:
Even in the face of blatant personal attacks involving an insult to TwoMarshall's dead brother, administrators simply ask the culprit to not do it again. This is a strong tonal difference from their harsh responses to earlier reasonable critiques.
December 19th, 2023:
The last forum post as of writing was a discussion on removing an inactive moderator.
Have they exhausted the wiki drama well, or are they merely biding their time?
Maybe TwoRatner was right, and the wiki is cursed.
Maybe all of this was one person with dozens of sockpuppets, feeding message prompts through ChatGPT to stage a coup on a niche fandom wiki and enact an extremely detailed, drama-filled LARP.
Maybe multiple trolls wormed into an already-struggling wiki through a security breach and decided to destroy it from the inside.
No matter the cause of the current wiki issues, user Chekovsnakess was correct. This was the hubris of the administrator team: by making a wiki for the administrators and not the users, they made a wiki for no one.
This series has left me with more questions than answers: what security breaches happened and why? What did Brazil86 do to cause so much animosity among the other mods? Why go through this much drama in a fandom wiki, of all places?
While I may never know the answers, I do know that the Dungeons and Daddies fandom remains, on the whole, one of the most positive and engaged groups I've ever been a part of. That's what makes this drama stick out the most, in my opinion: it's so completely out of left field from the fandom I've known. The wiki may have quickly gone from bad to worse, but I trust the community of this show, and I know we have the potential to make something better.
Chorus
December 8th, 2023 (immediately after the last Admin Discussion Zone):
TheOneTrueGod41: "I don't know what's the matter with me. Sometimes I don't feel whole."
Words to remember them by.
Stay tuned for the epilogue and final post(s) in this series, including word from former wiki administrator Gaycowboyrats!
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And speaking of trusting this community, I'd like to take this chance to remind everyone to PLEASE not interact with the forums/wiki admins because of this!!! They may be making some questionable decisions, and I clearly enjoy deep dives on random internet drama as much as the next person, but please don't go trolling them in return.
We're better than that, y'all. Remember, "you have the freedom to do good."
On a personal note, I never expected this to go as far as it has: this evolved from people in the Patreon Discord wondering what was going on with the wiki and why it was splitting apart, to me sharing screenshots of funny non-sequiturs in the forums, to an entire Internet drama investigative journalism piece framed as a tragedy of wiki administrator hubris.
I've loved to see how much the community has rallied around this wiki situation- from people assisting me with research, to people offering to make dramatic readings or video essays out of my posts, to fans even working to create a new show wiki after this came to light. (More on that as it develops, hopefully!)
This is absolutely the kindest, most supportive fandom I've ever participated in, and everyone reading this has been a part of that. If our wiki is being brigaded by trolls, I sincerely hope that they realize the futility of what they're doing and move on with their lives. Several of them (assuming it's more than one person) have posted about really difficult personal circumstances. I hope that everyone involved gets the help they need and that they grow from this.
In the words of Ron Stampler: You are enough, just as you are.
Best,
Simon
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I can't recall if I have already asked you this or not, but were you the one who drew this?
(If so, then I need you to know that this is the best Will Wood fanart that has ever been made. Plus he would totally wear that.)
i'll tell you more. there's a prequel to this. and i have a huge history with this very art. grab your hot cocoa, your popcorn, or whatever else you consume when listening to a story..
NOW tbh this mf piece of art makes my heart sink every time i see it simply because the memories of the past still haunt me and theyre not lovely /hj
imagine, year 2023, (relatively) young asmogorna doesn't yet know how twitter can get when it comes to fandoms based around real people, and his friend gives him an idea
"i had a dream about will wood drawing hamilton yaoi" his friend said to him "you should draw that"
and draw that young asmo did
but then a funny teehee connection was created in asmo's head. "hey" he thought "you know what else is related to hamilton. miku binder."
and he, inspired by this truly humorous and silly idea, drew that very masterpiece, posting it on twitter later that day, with the caption "i am so sorry mr william wood". "oh what a splendid laugh me and me lads (mooties) shall have" asmo thought, as he closed the website
yet little did he know, that the next time he opens twitter its going to be multiple people jumping him and beating his ass in the qrts
"erm,, why are we drawing real life cis men in binders?? /neg /genq" they chanted
"will wood would KILL this person" they howled
"
" they preached, as they threw their torches and rotten tomatoes at stupid young asmogorna
he was shocked, truly shocked, for he did not expect such a backlash. the last thing he had in head is implying that mr william sunshine woodiam of the okultra is trans with his art, his mind blown by the amount of people misunderstanding his intentions, for he didnt even think about the intentions people would assume he had. "where tf did i ever say that this is a headcanon of any sort THIS DOESNT EVEN HAVE TO BE A BINDER FOR TRANS PPL WHAT ARE THEY ON" he mumbled softly to his friends, glancing at the raging crowd.
asmo shamefully deleted the post, wrote a public apology thread, and decided to throw the painting he put so much shits and giggles in out in the trash, forever forgetting his legacy....
but to be fr tho that shit was funny asf and im still mad at twitter for making me look like one of them tallyship mfs who headcanon real life people as .. anything really😭
will wood would scoff and giggle in disappointment at this MAX trust me his ass does NOT gaf
#i lowkey want to tag this as will wood but at the same time im not getting cancelled all over again
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hey dude! What's up :)) been just a little since l've said something
Initially, this is me saying thank you and goodbye
This isn't supposed to be a weird pity story, so l'm so unbelievably sorry if it comes off that way, lol.
When I began reading your work, I was enamoured with fiction because of personal issues (as many usually are, honestly, I know I'm one of god knows how many people trying to run away from life for just a second with fanfics or media in general). I don't know if I will ever be able to communicate this properly, hell, this will even be unbelievable funny or dramatic but I need to get this across because it's coming from a genuine place. Your stories and work thus far has brought me comfort, immense heaps of it, and even still when I deal with things that feel out of reach or too much to actually face head on I find myself wandering back to syg or just your blog in general
I mean this, from my entire heart, thank you and thank Bee. A million times thank you, for making that one silly silly stupid piece of fanfiction, because oh my god it got me through some major stressful hardships within my life for the past 3 years.
I am leaving tumblr, however I’m aware I have submitted asks with my actual accounts before, so you'll likely be able to see they're still gonna be up. I'm just deleting tumblr the app instead of my account, but for other social platforms they will be deleted properly (such as quotev) so I won’t be indulging in much reading anymore when it comes to fanfics and such lol
I don't know if I'll come back, if I do I likely will not be back for long or to be as active as l've been because of the toll social media’s taken. So even as ridiculous as this feels, to tell someone I’m simply a fan of and barely truly know, that their fanfic of murderers and their love story with my self insert kept me pushing through a lot of tough days, I genuinely just had to.
I needed to thank both you and your partner for the work you've both put out. I still have that smiley pin I’d made, and I will cherish what you made quotev have been for me ( I literally found out about the website during early or late 2020 I can barely remember, then later found your fic, I was DEEP DIVING into that shit LMAO )
I hope whatever happens for you and bee in the future is only good, and I only will wish nothing but the best of luck with everything man.
feel free to post this (idk what it’s called but when you publicly reply lol) or not, as long as you read this it’ll mean lots to me !! >:))
your coolest weirdest ticci toby fan whose also named toby, 🐚 annon
I always struggle to convey gratefulness for messages like this and readership- especially repeated readership. My life would be different if it were not for comments and messages egging us on to keep writing from syg to ho1c. While it's easy to say that writing is solely out of passion for the craft there is also the drive to share something with others. Hearing those others loud or quiet as a favorite- does push us forward when we have no motivation or desire to work. That drive has made us closer as a couple, better thinkers, and a halfway decent writing team. I thank you and all the others who send us stuff even if it's shit post asks I never answer because I like having them in my inbox like a personal horde of platonic Valentine's. I like keeping the pieces you give me to myself sometimes. I know it may seem like I'm ignoring you but I find genuine comfort in these messages. That there are so many. That they are so varied. That we have reached beyond our shut-in existence to touch the lives of others.
I find myself wondering where an anon has gone when I do not hear from them in awhile. I wish them well. I wish them better standards than us.
Maybe we'll meet again someday space cowboy. If you're ever back in town feel free to shoot me (a message).
Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for reading. I wish you peace and love and good books.
#though i may be inactive as of lates my thoughts have not been#abby and i talk about you#abby and i talk about a lot of you#we are happy to be present day comforts or 2020 nostalgia#🐚#anon#reply#long post
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TW: animal death mention
Wish I wouldn't keep starting these posts like this but!... hey guys, been awhile hasn't it?... muh
Ok but for real a lot has been happening in my life since I last fell off this website... again, I've been doing some stuff with my girlfriend and spending time with her too, we've been working on some projects that aren't art but video game related so that's also a thing... and then the biggest thing to shake my world up...
My dog Vanilla Swirl... has sadly passed away...
Ik ik this is kinda a big thing to drop but I feel I need to just get it out there because while I knew my life would be flipped from the trauma of loosing her.. I didn't know it would be this bad. Like ever since last week when we had to put her down (she was very old at 14 years and was ready to move on ) I felt like I had zero energy, even less energy than I already had issues with! I couldn't bring myself to check in on people I knew and even games for daily stuff, plus I got a bad stomach bug last week as well so that didn't help anything.
I'm not trying to gain any sympathy but to just explain where I've been and where I want to go with this blog.
I deleted my last art piece since I honestly felt after thinking on things it was a very stupid post to make, "not needing certain things" I was so dumb to think that stuff, because I'm needing to regress more than ever due to all this trauma being hurled at me now, not to mention just getting through each day without any problems. Man this post is sounding more and more like a vent post huh?
I honestly want to get back into drawing, because it's something I've always had at my disposal, my ability to draw and create. I'm honestly getting real tired of just letting my abilities rot away and not being able to do anything with them when I need them most. I want to perfect my skills and go somewhere with them, so from this post forward I'm going to attempt to post a drawing (being a doodle or full illustration) here or on my mains just so then at least I can get back into the swing of things, just like how it was when I was a kid 💔
I'm not sure when I'll make a digital drawing since I want to get a proper setup for that (since with how things are with my tablet and it's cables it's driving me NUTS ) but look forward to some classic paper and pen doodles from me :3
See you guys later c:
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((So. Remember this post when I gave a certain someone the benefit of the doubt?
Yeah, well, they tried to worm their way back via my fucking boyfriend now, so fuck any and all goodwill, I am sick of this shit.
So, screenshots and names now, fuck 'em!
Meet love-is-in-the-multiverse! The person that will not leave no matter how kindly you tell them to stop!
Sadly, I only have screenshots of the last time we talked and my boyfriend's screenshots. So I'll just have to summarize my experiences up till the final confrontation without screenies.
So, Love, formerly known as mollypico, was a FNF/Newgrounds RPer I met when they approached me for a starter. Since then they, they got very smothering, spamming my inbox with OOC convos that honestly overwhelmed me. I tried to give her other options, I really did. But in the end, she didn't take them. I changed the rules a bit to reflect this newfound boundary, and at first she seemed willing to respect it. But then turned around and continued because "She had no other options". So for the sake of my sanity, I blocked her.
Her response was to send a few friends after me asking why. And I tried to explain it to them as kindly as possible.
After that, they tried approaching me with new accounts passing themself off as someone else. The accounts were deleted by the time I looked in my notifs on my phone and saw them in the morning.
Eventually, she came to a new account and via messages apologized. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and accepted because she was finally keeping this stuff in IMs. And sometimes in those convos, she'd bring up fandoms and characters she played that were... suspiciously exactly the same as those other accounts that deleted.
It did not make her any less pushy and smothering, rushing me for starters, getting impatient with me not responding immediately. It all added up.
One day, I decided that people that killed my enjoyment here would get blocked. That included her. She tried to bypass this by making new accounts to talk to me. Twice. Once to act as if she wasn't one of the people I blocked. And the other to explain herself. I blocked those too.
Some time later, I was followed by two new accounts. One called "hate-in-the-multiverse" or something along those lines, and the other called afriendtoall. Who claimed she was an IRL friend of Love, and was the one that actually talked to me. Although Hate did send an ask, but not much else came of it.
Friend was frankly not all that different from her. It did not help matters when I started approaching a very stressful change that is still ongoing. And I started having suspicions.
Spoiler alert, I was right;
I then blocked her and soon after, I saw she deleted the account when I tried to block across all my blogs. I didn't screenshot it, but after this last message, she wished me well and said she'd leave me alone.
Cut to tonight! Picture this! I was in a call with a friend, having fun reading a graphic novel to them, and then I look to see a message from my boyfriend, and he sends these [censoring his name and icon for his safety]
So, after I tell her to leave me alone for good, she instead tries to worm her way into contact with my boyfriend and followed him again. And I am pissed.
He confronted her as soon as he saw.
"Oh mistew, I was just cuwious, uwu"
Yeah, nevermind you followed him. Knowing fully well that we interact a lot on Tumblr.
So yeah, fuck it, you win, you got my attention with your stupid game. Now here's your stupid prize.
RPers beware. Block her. If you RP FNF/NewGrounds, Danganronpa, My Hero Academia, I think Undertale/Deltarune, possibly any other game/anime/whatever, block. Her. Ass. On sight. Don't even give her a chance. Take it from me, she will drain you, and then make you feel horrible for feeling drained by her/not being in the mood to talk.
She's not worth it. Put yourselves first.
#OOC#Drama CW#Tumblr Drama CW#Negative CW#Callout Post CW#Callout CW#RPers Beware#Roleplayers Beware#You brought this on yourself Love
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Ok, I know you're probably reading this because I know your pattern. I'm saying this so I don't wanna keep thinking about this matter anymore, so It will be my last time to say anything about this. cause I know it's quite pointless to ever argue with you again.
If I Ever find out you talking about me or spreading weird rumors about me, I'm going to release your blog address, release all the conversations I screen-capped, and your ridiculous ao3 fic, (Yes, this person wrote a fic about what happened between me and them), your racist remark about me, how you described me as a predatory person, while that was all because of my clumsy English skill (and I think you knew the reason why I said in that way too while writing all that, cause I'm you know, 'stupid Asian', right) You were too much of a bully to me too for a person who worried about being getting bullied.
You accused me of being a rude artist trying to rob you of money, when in fact, you were the one who asked me for free art first. You made me seen as a predatory person in your fic, which was already released 3 days ago when I first found out, had 23 views, and you made sure anyone can guess who this artist was. (f/f shipper getting lots of likes, Asian, Remember?) So Why would I ever consider making an apology to you after this, for exposing your ID on my post, which had 15 notes, and I deleted from my blog in a matter of 5 hours? (And if I remember correctly, you did the exact same too before me, right?)
sigh. You're making me so tired.
Ok. You were telling me to say sorry
When I deleted the post that exposed your ID, and later when I read your apologies, What I regretted the most was my action was out of pure anger and spite. Because you were seen as a weird stranger, and when I, as an artist, and a wlw, got asked for free art, from a stranger who ships f/m ship...... ought to get angry. If I knew you were, you know, you, I would have just ignored it. But I didn't. sigh.
and When I read that you were autistic from your apologies, I deleted the post from my blog. I can understand the complicate situation autistic people are going through, So I deleted it. and I'm sorry for acting like this to you out of spite. At the moment, I really didn't give a shit if you're getting bad messages, because I didn't know you like that. I want to be a person who can acknowledge their wrongs, and I don't mind a aftermath that follows too. I'm sorry.
But I'm not gonna say sorry to you for saying you should pay first if you wanna have something you want. I think you're old enough to understand why I'm saying this. I hope you learn something from what I said at least.
And now, the thing is, I don't even wanna hear sorry from you anymore. from all the shit you did to me. and probably you don't wanna say sorry too, now I know you better.. I don't care. Like I said, don't say shit about me after this. If you wanna forget about this, then do it. I don't wanna waste my energy anymore too, unless you wanna start a fight again. Don't send a private message after this. If you send a message again, I'll release everything. Bro, I can be real petty.
That's it. Don't care If you block me. I said everything I wanted to say. I'm sorry. I'm sincere about this. Don't ever come to my blog, I'm sincere about this too. bye
(and I'm writing this again for your consideration, Don't send a private message after this)
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Ageless blogs & minors, DNI!
Probably the stupidest post I'll ever make (might end up deleting this later), but here we go!
Is it weird/wrong to make &/or like Malleus x reader fanfics? Especially of the nsfw variety? Lemme explain.
If the translations from Lilia's farewell party in ep. 7 are accurate (PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong), Malleus isn't an adult yet? He's currently 178 years old & dragon fae must be 1,000 years old to be considered an adult( both according to Lilia). Again, PLEASE let me know if this information is incorrect. I'd hate to spread misinformation.
The point of me bringing this up is that Idk if I should make Malleus x reader fanfics if he's not an adult (in terms of dragon fae kind). Yeah, he looks like an adult & acts like one (even if immature at times), but is it weird to make romantic &/or sexual fanfics of him? I'm confused & I hate that I'm overthinking this.
To anyone who's at least 18 yrs. old, I'd love to hear your guys' input on this matter. It's probably really stupid of me to think about this (most likely is & I'm sorry for that), but I'd rather ask than to dwell on it for so long.
#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twst#azureflame#disney twst#twst malleus#malleus draconia#twisted wonderland malleus#malleus
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incoming semi-vent that i will probably end up deleting later
ok so i know im like . usually unbothered by things going on here especially recently like usually i just dont care but like yesterday and really all other similar incidents really got to me and i started thinking about a lot of different things that have made me unhappy and miserable and a lot of it boils down to not unfollowing/blocking people i should and not blocking/reporting anons and not filtering the things i need to and part of it is fomo and i just want to see everything but part of it is also just . falling into that cycle of miserable that a lot of other people seem to be stuck in. and like i was really adamant on blaming other people and getting mad at them for things but like really it's all on me, im not doing what i should be to make myself feel comfortable safe happy etc etc in a space that SHOULD let me be all of that like i should not be crying over this stupid app and the things i see and the general vibe every other night. and yeah most of this is bc im on my period and emotional but like ive talked about it with a lot of people and honestly have been thinking about it for months and i dont think it's an insane line of thought
so basically im just gonna go back to curating really really heavily like i used to (i did kind of fall off the wagon there, i'll admit it) so minimal discourse and neg, even less than im posting currently which is close to none. i dont want to say absolutely no neg ever but a lot of it and other things going on here make my stomach hurt and honestly fuck with my head and i dont want to deal with it anymore and im finally really realizing that i dont HAVE to deal with it anymore. im gonna be way more strict with who i sb and unfollow and hb (something else i also stopped doing), like i'd like to think im usually pretty tolerant and i dont like to ruin mutuals or friendships over disagreements or difference of opinions - and i still won't!! i fully believe we can disagree on some things and still be chill :) - but there are things ive seen that have made me uncomfortable that ive sort of ignored and now im seeing them all the time and its like . yeah i dont want that anymore lol
#.vent#like this place has been so miserable for me for so long for a lot of different reasons and like. to put it simply im tired of it LOL so im#just gonna be taking steps to make my experience better !! so please know that if i DO end up sbing or unfollowing or blocking you it truly#is not out of a place of malice and i more than likely dont have any hard feelings about anything im just trying to like. curate lol#this was basically a long-winded way of saying that like if i suddenly block you or something please know it was not out of nowhere ive bee#thinking abou tit for a while and it's nothing specific you did its just general things that have added up that i want to not see anymore#that's all lol i love you guys!!
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Part 1 of "Why Gray is NOT a Tsundere"
(An Anti-gr///via Post)
[Links to Part 2 and Part 3 are linked here and at the end.]
One of the most commonly used arguments to demonstrate support for the gr////viugh ship is that even though Gray rejects juvia’s advances countless times, they still belong together because “Gray is a tsundere”, and therefore he actually likes everything juvia does and has been attracted to her and her antics since the beginning.
Despite these particular Pros loving to paint themselves as “guardians of Japanese culture”, using "culture" as an argument that the Japanese love stalking and obsession, I believe they are willfully ignoring what a tsundere actually is in anime in order to claim Gray's loved juvia all along.
To help demonstrate that, I will proceed to prove that every single main character in Fairy Tail is a tsundere based on their definition.
I shall also be trying to counter all (and I mean all, so every little point... whew this is going to take a while...) the points made in this post, recommended to me by a helpful anonymous asker a long time ago, from the @f*ckyeahgr*via page, where the poster (Author) tries to prove that Gray is in fact a tsundere. (This takes place in Part 2.)
(In Part 3, I’ll give my own examples with pictures of Gray very clearly not being a tsundere.)
Really, the purpose of this post isn't to prove that Gray never likes juvia in the material, because clearly Mashima and his weak will bent to the desires of the Pro fandom in 100yq to force these two together, but it's just to prove that it's not like Gray loved juvia all along, which some Pro's try to defend to their grave. The importance of proving that is that it will show that Gray hasn't been a willing participant in juvia's harassment.
The only feasible reason he could ever like juvia later is thanks to the guilt juvia caused him to feel from her almost dying, as well as Stockholm Syndrome from being gaslit and manipulated into thinking they loved each other, all that as well as being written into a shell of his former character who acts more like juvia than himself, but that is beside the point of this post.
Finally, a disclaimer: my frustration is mainly directed at juvia and specifically at people who use these arguments to try to make their opposition look stupid, and it's just my frustration with this argument. Please know, in the end, these arguments are just for fun, and I don't actually have beef with Pros as human beings. Also, please no raids on that blog (which actually might be retired by now lol) or on the user who posted it. We're all civil enough people here.
Pheww, buckle in, guys, this is going to be kind of a tough one. (As well as super long and suuuper in depth).
Definition of Tsundere given by Pros:
One of the biggest difficulties with combating this argument is that the actual definition of "tsundere" isn't really used by Pros; they just use a similar idea related to a tsundere, and then claim that they're right based on their own definition.
One person who participated in my 'Request for Discussion' post commented something along the lines of "Gray is a tsundere because he doesn't talk about his feelings with anyone". I would like to quote them directly, but when I went back to check what they said, it seems they have deleted all their comments. (Interesting. That seems to be a regular occurrence with Pros on my blog).
In another instance, the person who wrote the 'why Gray is a tsundere' post that I'll be refuting in part 2 of this post, (Note well, I'll refer to them as 'Author' from now on, and the quotes from their post shall be orange), even though they never actually take the time to define what they think a tsundere is, said this about Gray:
"Again, [Gray] is HARSH and TSUNDERE towards those he cares the most about. He has insulted Natsu, Lyon, Ur, Erza (calls her a monster) and [j]UVIA. And, he also is embarrassed when his true feelings come to the surface, and tries hard to keep them private. He doesn’t want people to know HOW MUCH he cares, and because of that, he rarely talks about his feelings to anyone, let alone directly to the person he’s having those feelings for."
It's quite similar to what the first Pro said, though more in depth. For them, it boils down to "not talking about his feelings". I'll circle back around to this later.
First, let's take the Pros' definition of tsundere and run with it:
Let us say that the term 'tsundere' really only means that the tsundere doesn't talk about their feelings a lot with other people. (Remember, this is what Pros mean when they say what a tsundere is even though that isn't the actual definition.)
Then yes, Gray is a tsundere.
But here's the clincher.
If he is, then so is everyone else who exists in the Fairy Tail universe.
Yay, you win! Everyone, including Gray, which is the important part, is a tsundere!
Doesn't that sound completely ridiculous?
Of course it does. Let's break down that extremely faulty reasoning.
Refuting the Pros' Definition of Tsundere:
Let me ask you this:
Just how much do people in Fairy Tail actually talk about their feelings in normal circumstances on a regular basis? Literally, we should all take a moment to think about this.
Lucy's dad died? Well, she doesn't talk about it to anyone, not even to her best friends, Natsu and Happy, who followed her silently to his grave. She breaks down all by herself, alone in her apartment. Does she talk about how much losing Aquarius' key hurt her? Nope, not even that. She never even confides in people on how she likes Natsu, which is prime gossip material and not as private as a thing as grief for a dead parent is. Does any of that mean she's a tsundere? Not at all.
Natsu is super expressive, honest to the point of being ignorant and just plain dumb sometimes. He declares to anyone and everyone all the time just how much he cares for his guild, but does he sit down with people and talk about how Igneel leaving really made him feel, how abandoned and lonely he felt? Never. Talking about feelings is just not Natsu, and yet he's still clearly not an actual tsundere.
From Erza to Happy to anyone else in the whole anime, no one really goes out of their way to have a casual deep chat about their feelings ever, specifically about personal emotional trauma, but even about mundane feelings in general. Most of the time, they're all just chilling and goofing around and making jokes, because that's what you do with friends- not talking about your inner, personal turmoil doesn't make you a tsundere, i.e. it doesn't make you someone who's always irritable until they learn to be more open with people they like.
Anyway, these feelings and the words that describe them are just ripped out of them while they are fighting for their lives, which of course for them is quite often. Otherwise, they don't talk about it really, not even with the people they're closest to, and that's okay. It's their personal business. These are things that are good to process by yourself for yourself, and you really don't owe other people to let them in on your life. (*COUGH* if only juvia would leave Gray to his personal business *COUGH*).
Gray is no exception to any of this. He doesn't talk about his feelings much... but like I said, no one does. And it's not like he only confides in juvia, which you'd think would be the case if he were really a tsundere with juvia. (NO WONDER he doesn't talk to her about his feelings! Beyond just the fact that she never listens to him anyway, when he was sad after learning about Ultear's sacrifice, noticing it during the GMG parade, juvia told him she didn't know what was up with him, but that it was rude of him not to smile. she doesn't even ask him if he's ok, she just says he's being inconsiderate. Wow, I don't cuss much, but she's actually such an ass.)
And it's not like he never shares his feelings because even just one instance is when Wendy asks him if he’s okay after he learned about Ultear’s time spell during the Dragon King Festival-- hey look at that, juvia, Wendy actually cares how he's doing-- and he actually opened up immediately about what happened and his past to her. That's insanely not tsundere because Wendy is even a newer member of Team Natsu (I personally don't consider her as such), and yet Gray is comfortable enough to tell her his life story.
Even since the Galuna Island arc, which was basically Gray's full introduction to the readers/watchers, his emotions about Ur were open, raw, and visceral. Lucy for one was really concerned for him because it was clear that Gray was beyond upset once seeing Deliora. He was also so broken and betrayed by Lyon, and none of those emotions were hidden from anyone.
These are just a few examples of Gray not being embarrassed to let people know his true feelings, which directly contradict what the Pros were trying to prove.
But is Gray a tsundere in regard to the ACTUAL definition?
Let's look at the actual definitions of tsundere, compare Gray with them, and see if he fits the bill, shall we?
Well, here's some actual definitions I've found:
Wikipedia's:
"Tsundere is a Japanese term for a character development process that depicts a character with a personality who is initially cold, stern, stoic, harsh, temperamental, hotheaded before gradually showing a warmer, friendlier side over time."
2. Another longer, more in depth one from a website dedicated to the Dere types:
"Tsundere is a stock love interest who is usually stern, cold, and sometimes hostile to the person they like and others. They will occasionally let slip their warm and loving feelings hidden inside. They hide their feelings due to being shy, nervous, insecure, or simply unable to help acting badly in front of their crush.
The Japanese term "tsundere" refers to an outwardly violent character who "runs hot and cold", alternating between two distinct moods: "tsuntsun" meaning "aloof or irritable", and "deredere" meaning "lovey-dovey".
Tsundere is a Japanese term for a character development process that depicts a person who is initially cold (and sometimes even hostile), before gradually showing a warmer, friendlier side over time"
3. And one last one for good measure from Urban Dictionary:
"Tsundere (ツンデレ, pronounced tsɯndeɾe) is a Japanese term for a character development process that describes a person who is initially cold (and sometimes even hostile) before gradually showing a warmer, friendlier side over time. The word is derived from the terms tsun tsun (ツンツン), meaning to turn away in disgust, and dere dere (デレデレ) meaning to become 'lovey dovey'."
(Yes, they are pretty similar, but I think it's important to show the solidarity and regularity of the definitions over the different sites. Plus, they each give their own nuance).
So, does Gray fit the bill?
Something to note about tsunderes is that they're not only cold and harsh to their love interest; they tend to be cold and harsh towards everyone because that's a core part of their personality, that they're socially awkward at dealing with people. If Gray truly is a tsundere, then he should demonstrate his tsundere characteristics with more people beyond his rejections of juvia.
Looking at definition 1:
Here, it says tsundere is more than just how a person acts mean to someone they really like, it's a whole character development process of a whole personality. Gray's personality from the beginning has had nothing to do with being cold, stern, stoic, or harsh. Yes, he's temperamental and hotheaded sometimes, but that's in terms of his rivalry with Natsu and other guildmates, which isn't the tsundere kind where his temperamental side hides a secret feeling (which it does not ofc). Gray is far from stoic, as he's lively and vivacious from the very first episode he's in. He's not cold, he's got great humor and is passionate. He's not a mean person, he just has friendly rivalry with his friends. Even with meeting Lucy for the first time, he was immediately friendly to her and required no "warming up" to be close with her. Remember, here it's not saying tsundere is specifically just for romance.
Looking at definition 2:
Even this one specifically notes that tsunderes are usually "stern, cold, and sometimes hostile" with "the person they like and others". Remember, it's a part of their overall personality. The tsundere behavior is a character trait that doesn't just apply to their romantic interest, so, again, that means we'd need to see Gray's tsundere-ness affecting all his relationships.
A prime example of a tsundere is Nakiri Erina from Food Wars: Shokugeki no Soma. She's not only standoffish to Yukihara Soma, whom she clearly has a crush on, but to most people in general, she doesn't know how to be friendly. It's a part of her character. She was raised in a harsh environment and was isolated, so it makes sense.
Gray on the other hand? Is not socially awkward and has no problem making friends (again, look how quickly he got chummy with Lucy). He's not standoffish at all and is far from cold and "aloof or irritable" to anyone. Even to juvia, which is the important thing to Pros since they want to say he's a tsundere with her, he's not really cold... he's just supremely unnerved and made uncomfortable by her.
He's never even mean to her, he just rejects her and tries to get away from her sometimes. And he's not even doing that all the time! On the rare occasions that juvia is able to keep herself mostly from drooling all over Gray, like when he taught her how to eat that burrito, he's actually friendly to her. But only when she's not being an absolute weirdo and creep. That's not him being a tsundere, that's him being a nice guy, but being understandably creeped out by juvia's outlandish and disgusting behavior.
And when he's being nice to her, he's not being "lovey-dovey", he literally just treats her like a normal friend. It's only during 100yq that Gray actually begins to show he has romantic interest in juvia, and I'm not counting that because that's Mashima's idiocy, and Pros have been claiming Gray's been a tsundere since forever, so they can't even use 100yq as proof.
Looking at definition 3:
Again, Gray doesn't take time to warm up to people, the reason Gray "turns away in disgust" is because juvia is a disturbing individual, and lastly, he certainly doesn't ever act lovey-dovey with juvia in the main story of FT.
My conclusion after looking the definitions is that Gray is therefore not a tsundere, as it's not a core part of his personality and character to be initially cold or aloof towards people, and because he never actually acts cold or aloof with juvia, only uncomfortable and disturbed in a rightly manner.
(Feedback on anything in this post is appreciated!)
Edit: Just to make it clear, due to a kind suggestion by my good friend, @youthinkofacoolname, I have split this behemoth of a post into 3 parts so it's less intimidating and more digestible, and then tagging the next part at the end so it's easily accessible. So, here's the link to Part 2!
Part 3 is here as well.
#gray isn't a tsundere#at least he wasn't before he got rewritten as someone who falls for their abuser#anti gruvia#anti juvia#anti juvia lockser#anti juvia loxar#fairy tail#gray is not a tsundere#anti mashima#anti hiro mashima#fairy tail discourse#fairy tail discussion#fairy tail debate#tsundere#tsunderes#anti gray x juvia#anti gruvia fandom#fairytail#defend gray fullbuster#gray fullbuster#gralunaessay
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