Usually I don't care about this stuffs but sometimes I worry if you guys are fine for me posting OC/yandere!canon stuffs... Even if I said that this blog is more focused in OC/Canon than reader insert 🫠 I don't know just my insecurities kicking me haha...

i am useless honestly

sometimes seeing ppl talk abt my f/o a certain way makes my blood boil like my god just leave him the fuck alone it isn't that hard

save me roland :( roland save me :(

its sooo annoying being like. ok i love to Make things- specifically worlds and characters. and i constantly crave to do this with other people. however- im too scared to directly ask anyone if theyd like to do that with me. for various reasons. (one being that its just. Such a personal thing for me. guh.) so it just.. never happens, specifically bc i just have a hard time Thinking on my own. too foggy up here -_-

and then i think, well i should practice being more Independent then, bc i cant just spend so long just Waiting For The Right Person and Not Actually Doing Anything. but. I have!! it's just boring!! i love people, i love doing things/spending time With people- it's just how i show i care + feel cared about!!

and it just becomes a cycle of I Want To Do This Thing That Means A Lot To Me with People I Care About > i get too scared of a million things to try > i think I Should Get Used To Doing It On My Own (thinking this is my problem) > This Isnt How My Heart Works/I Feel Alone/This Just Feels Like Glorified Self-Isolation/etc > repeat and i just. ughhhhhh

i feel rrally bad i think im sick :(

hey, im jack.

my pronouns are he/him or pri/prin. im 17-21 years old. im a system fictive and protector, and im taken. i don’t fully front often, and have more passive influence on us sometimes.

this is my own personal account for thoughts and shit. our main is here. ill make sure to tag anything I need to. these are just my experiences/thoughts.

please do not interact with me or our main if you ship my source with pitch black.

girl who requests something for dinner and is accosted by the insane amount of smoke that would come from prepping a roast

bit of a vent post, if that's okay

I've been bedridden for about a year now from some illness the doctors don't know yet (all the blood tests are fine, and I'm on a years-long waiting list for cardiology and endocrinology)

and it's so fucking lonely. I feel like a ghost. I don't feel like a goddamn person anymore. I miss people. I miss doing things. I hate feeling like a burden to my chronically ill husband, who has to take care of me when he's so so exhausted all of the time

it's part of why I throw myself so hard into D&D and Curse of Strahd. because for short periods of time, I can be in the bodies of powerful people who can actually move around and do things.

I'm tired. and I'm so unbearably lonely. it's isolating

no matter what i do it always comes back to feeling like this... im not sure what i can do anymore :(

looking in the mirror and realizing everyone i meet must find me repulsive and disgusting

shit like this situation w rosie and jade is why i consider remaking or just like. leaving the community for a little bit like can we not be civil and coexist in peace come on. come on.

i haaate getting stuck in my daydreams, but theres nothing else i can do about them- i refuse to write them down, bc every time ive tried its been like putting away my beloved toys, and if im not constantly holding them i forget they exist. its so frustrating.

incoming semi-vent that i will probably end up deleting later

ok so i know im like . usually unbothered by things going on here especially recently like usually i just dont care but like yesterday and really all other similar incidents really got to me and i started thinking about a lot of different things that have made me unhappy and miserable and a lot of it boils down to not unfollowing/blocking people i should and not blocking/reporting anons and not filtering the things i need to and part of it is fomo and i just want to see everything but part of it is also just . falling into that cycle of miserable that a lot of other people seem to be stuck in. and like i was really adamant on blaming other people and getting mad at them for things but like really it's all on me, im not doing what i should be to make myself feel comfortable safe happy etc etc in a space that SHOULD let me be all of that like i should not be crying over this stupid app and the things i see and the general vibe every other night. and yeah most of this is bc im on my period and emotional but like ive talked about it with a lot of people and honestly have been thinking about it for months and i dont think it's an insane line of thought

so basically im just gonna go back to curating really really heavily like i used to (i did kind of fall off the wagon there, i'll admit it) so minimal discourse and neg, even less than im posting currently which is close to none. i dont want to say absolutely no neg ever but a lot of it and other things going on here make my stomach hurt and honestly fuck with my head and i dont want to deal with it anymore and im finally really realizing that i dont HAVE to deal with it anymore. im gonna be way more strict with who i sb and unfollow and hb (something else i also stopped doing), like i'd like to think im usually pretty tolerant and i dont like to ruin mutuals or friendships over disagreements or difference of opinions - and i still won't!! i fully believe we can disagree on some things and still be chill :) - but there are things ive seen that have made me uncomfortable that ive sort of ignored and now im seeing them all the time and its like . yeah i dont want that anymore lol

sending emails at work today is making me feel like a neurotic prey animal 😐