this scene changed the trajectory of my life

top 9 books

tagged forever ago by @doctorsrose & @rosesau (🫶🫶🫶)

tagging: @lvnchs | @permanentreverie | @tolerateit | @speaknowtv | @henwilsons | @newtmsa | @greenribon | @brimay | @hollyfhumberstone | @tbosas | @alinastarkovz (ofc no pressure <3 would love to hear about your fav books in whatever way you wanna share and if you don't then that's okay too!)

rules: list your top 9 books obviously. like the people before me and probably most people who did this i cheated and put series or several books by the same author as one thing bc rules are made for breaking <3 this is very much both an 'off the top of my head' as well as a 'laboured over this for hours' kind of list that's heavily biased to the present moment.

(1.) all for the game by nora sakavic; i don't even know what to say about this. either you read it and Get why this is on my list or you Don't. and if you haven't read it this is not a recommendation btw. this is just me saying these books did irreparable damage to my developing teenage brain. hit me like no other series probably ever will again because i read this at the Right Time while being the exact right amount of Insane. and just like seed mentioned in her list if you want to know Me and Understand Me then you need to know this series. i am sure there are traces of it in my dna by now.

(2.) the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater; same goes for this one tbh. if you want to know Me and Understand Me then you need to know this series. another instance of Right Time and Right Me. these books burrowed themselves deep into my bones and became a part of my dna. they shaped soo much of my taste in prose, storytelling techniques, tropes, and dynamics. this story and these characters took me apart and put me back together again but rearranged some essential parts inside of me. much like with aftg, i came out of this series irreversibly changed and drenched in blood final girl style.

(3.) frankenstein by mary shelley; a beautifully written story with soooo much room for whatever literary lens you want to apply to it. i know i answered an ask once where i talked about my love for this book in detail but i can't find it. but i found this rant on frankenstein and the creature. i think a lot of my love for this story comes from the fact that i had the chance to work closely with the text several times. but also it's just a heart-wrenching tale about how we define humanity and how love is essential nourishment for the soul. it reminds me of that one quote from the good place: "people improve when they get external love and support. how can we hold it against them when they don’t?" because frankenstein basically answers the question what happens when someone gives you a life you didn't ask for and then opts out of any (emotional) responsibility and leaves you desolate and utterly forsaken.

(4.) the green bone saga by fonda lee; an epic family saga i still think about A Lot. kinda succession without logan but make it fantasy mafia. sibling relationships are a big part of this story too. which if you know me. big fan of that. it's also a series that grows in scope (world building wise) and keeps adding complexity So Naturally it's impressive. amazing storytelling craft at work fr. definitely an underhyped series in my opinion.

(5.) the sword of kaigen by m.l. wang; another fantasy story focusing on family dynamics but also functioning as a character study. it's a self-published work and it shows in the BEST way. there's just something about it that makes me insane one a storytelling level because it breaks so many conventions and you either hate that or love that but no matter your opinion on it i think it's undeniable that this book has some of the best character work written in recent years. i desperately need to reread.

(6.) on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong; another book that fucked me up with its beautiful prose and incredibly gut-wrenching emotional honesty. it really feels like you're reading about someone ripping out the most vulnerable and messed up and complex parts of their soul and laying them bare for you to see expecting nothing but acknowledgement in return. and while my own lived experience is nothing close to ocean vuong's the emotional core of this book rings so true. also i just have to say it again. the prose fucks severely.

(7.) the grisha trilogy & the six of crows duology by leigh bardugo; another (two) series i read in my teens that shaped my taste to a drastic degree. the crows are just forever ingrained in my brain. alina's story will forever fuck me up. you all know. you all understand. w're not getting into it. i think the fact that tgt is so misunderstood and undervalued just makes me love it more. because if you get it. damn. devastating. if you don't. so sorry for you because you're missing out.

(8.) the song of achilles & circe by madeline miller; tbh both of these retellings did something to my brain. you all know these i don't have to elaborate. it's very typical queer of me to fawn over anything to do with greek mythology and retellings but. these two just HIT different. also, the prose? makes me a little insane.

(9.) giovanni’s room by james baldwin; this book has some of the most insane prose i have ever read. baldwin's grasp on language is uncanny fr. every other sentence packs a punch in one way or another. he manages to capture some aspects of the queer (specifically the bi) experience in a way that felt so familiar to me and put words to so many of my internal experiences. it's about the self and identity and being lost and refusing to let yourself be found. it's also about human connections and how you'll wither when you deny yourself to open up to the people closest to you. it's about so many things without being about one think in particular. like all the other books on this list, love and belonging are at the core of it, but in a very distorted way. i don't think you can really understand unless you've read it. it's So Good.

honorable mentions; emma by jane austen (cunty women RULE), wuthering heights by emily brontë (severely fucked up in the most entertaining way. that's how you write drama.) east of eden by john steinbeck (cain and abel shit and deranged women? sign me up), these violent delights by micah nemerever (be gay do crime in the most mentally ill way possible), if we were villains (love it when characters haunt a narrative. also definitely a book about the gay sex that is not happening), women in love by d.h. lawrence (still currently making my way through this one but it's so deliciously messed up and queer i am almost certain it will leave a permanent mark)

An analysis on gender and sexuality - Blue Sargent

Hi! This belongs to my big Raven Cycle analysis, click here for the masterpost!

This part will deal with our favorite short ant, Blue Sargent. A sort of silly but still intentional analysis/essay on why I think she's nonbinary, where I go off on random tangents because i have adhd and access to the internet. Enjoy! (This will be so fucking long though, I had Thoughts)

3. Trust me, the characters are queer as fuck and I can prove it (+ my professional opinion on whether they’d wear a crop top)

a) Blue Sargent

Look. No matter how I look at this entire character, there’s simply no way Blue is not genderfluid. (The fluid is one of Maura’s footy healing teas btw.) And I am here to spread the agenda and force my own identity onto fictional characters so that after you have read this analysis and interpretation, you will agree with me on my correct opinion.

To begin with, there is this entire theme of not fitting in and dressing in an “unusual” way. It becomes very evident that Blue is really proud of being weird and eccentric, this displayed in attitudes towards her mom, the boys and her internal monologue about Mountainview High. She does not want to fit in if it means changing for others, yet she says “the problem with being weird was that everyone else was normal”. This could possibly be a metaphor for being trans; being proud of it, yet being only surrounded by cis people, who conform to all those societal gender norms. It means one would feel sort of isolated (as Blue does mention she is), not being able to relate to or feel deeply understood by anyone in their environment.

Additionally, alternative fashion (or at least that’s how I would describe her aesthetic in general) has quite typically been claimed by queer people. I know this is a lot of interpretation here, and it’s worth mentioning that you absolutely cannot tell someone’s gender by how they present on the outside. However, the evidence gets stronger as we dive deeper. If we look at her fashion sense together with the statement of “I don’t care to be pretty, I care to look on the outside as I do on the inside.”, it sends quite a clear message: Her outside is very jumbled, not conforming to societal norms, a mix of many different styles that seems to change its focus daily. In my opinion, that’s pretty gender of her. If that’s how she presents on the outside (which is not traditionally “female”, among other things I just mentioned), just think about what that would mean for her inside. It’s chaotic, it’s messy, it’s just a lot of things. It’s called being genderfluid.

The second big theme we have is her constantly being treated as “one of the boys”. And yes, of course cis girls can be friends with large groups of boys (and the other way around) but it is quite rare or unusual, especially if all of them are straight (so my point is this: Blue is not cis and also the boys are all queer, more on that later). Either way, Blue defies traditional gender norms and “girly” hobbies by taking part in fun teambuilding activities such as cave exploring, trespassing, grave robbery and burying a body. We stan.

Then we have this quote, which is talking specifically about Blue truly being part of the group for the first time: “They were loud and triumphant and kings of Henrietta.” Now, while kings are a theme that is quite consistent throughout the books, each of the boys and Mr. Gray being called one at least once in significant scenes of their character arcs, by that time it is not yet that established. There would have been so many other words for Maggie Stiefvater to use. First of all, kings and queen, though that would be a bit unwieldy. She chose not to alienate Blue. But there were other alternatives, something not quite so gendered, such as royals, or gods even. Yet, that specific wording happened, showing she is in no way other than the boys. And maybe in that scene she really wasn’t, feeling more masculine that day perhaps.

Furthermore, “whatever her identity crisis was, it seemed to live at home, not with the boys”, meaning she does feel alienated around all those women, but she does somehow fit in with the boys. Yes, this is also a teen thing of being misunderstood by parents while identifying a lot with peers, but when what she rejects is femininity and she seems to embrace masculinity, it’s a bit sus, don’t you think? And then lastly it’s not only the Gangsey, but also the Vancouver crowd as well, a group of boys held together by somehow being different than the rest of Aglionby (if I remember correctly), that she feels immediately at home with.

Next, there are the 300 Fox Way women. As we just established, Blue feels a sort of identity crisis in this house filled with women. She does not fit in, because she is the only one without any psychic abilities, meaning she is already “other”, but there is a clear focus on showing how she is so, so loved, by her direct family (like Maura) but also the others (Calla, Persephone) have accepted her as one of their own. Now, what if she was also genderqueer? Wouldn’t that give her one more reason to be different, while simultaneously putting emphasis on the fact that trans people can and deserve to be loved by their families?

I saved the strongest evidence for last (well, sort of, there’s still more to come actually). The following quote is the ultimate confirmation Blue is not female. As she, the Gangsey and some of her family group together in the kitchen, she says there were “three boys, four women, and one Blue”! Here she is specifically not assigned either of the aforementioned genders, not grouped together with the 300 Fox Way women in a “five women, Blue being one of them” manner and also not one of the boys in this scene. This might be an age issue (like how for months I wasn’t sure if I dislike both the terms “woman” and “girl” being used for me because of age or gender), but the scene could have easily said “women, boys and one teenage girl”, focusing on groups divided by age and gender like the original intention might seem to be. And yet it didn’t.

Now for some more quotes. After some guy from her school draws a penis on the unicorn on her binder, she says “she preferred her unicorns ungendered”. For the reasons already listed I deduce that, much like the unicorn, Blue prefers herself ungendered.

“She felt one thousand years old. She also felt like maybe she was a condescending brat.” is of course supposed to show how contradicting growing up can feel, perception of oneself flickering between being terribly grown up and still being a little child, who cannot know anything. I would also argue, though, that this duality can be quite reminiscent of her gender identity, feeling like multiple, supposedly contrasting, things at once. As an additional afterthought, the theme of being ageless is sometimes associated with omniscient beings, detached from being human, such as deities. Another thing that would be quite typical for gods, especially when they are so apart from society, is being genderless, or having a gender that fluctuates. Some examples for this would be Dionysus, Loki or the ancient genderfluid entity Asushunamir, stemming from the mythology of one of humanity’s first civilizations, Mesopotamia.

Then, naturally, we have other people’s perception of her. While she probably has been described as a girl in quite a few instances in the book (one of them being Henry, though before he really knew her), to me it sticks out that she describes herself as a “sensible teen”, not a sensible girl, though that might have made even more sense in the context of not going around kissing random boys (but yes, let’s be honest, that’s some antiquated slut-shaming, people can kiss as many consenting people as they like). Further instance is that Gansey says “Blue was a fanciful, but sensible thing. Like a platypus, or one of those sandwiches […]”. Like, he goes out of his way to not describe her as a girl in that scene, instead drawing weird-ass comparisons. Now, while calling his friends magnificent creatures is totally his thing (maybe Gansey rejects gendered terms and embraces silly greetings), this did seem intentional to me. Not to mention the obvious parallel of platypuses being mammals but laying eggs, somehow combining different species. Despite reproducing differently than “normal” mammals (also having different sexual organs), they are still recognized as such, and if that isn’t very trans rights of them, I don’t know what is. (Yes I know being a mammal is not derived from reproductive organs and this is probably all somewhat wrong, but I am relying heavily on metaphors here and also I dropped Biology.)

Now as a last thing I chose the entire theme of “something more”. If I’m not mistaken, “something more” is important for every other character as well (I specifically remember Henry), but it begins with Blue and seems to be most relevant to her either way. As I’m writing this I realize so much of the evidence I have collected can also be read under points of view of growing up, but still fits her gender, showing not only that Blue is pretty reminiscent of how teenagers feel, how things in their lives contradict, but also that we come to realizations about our own gender as we grow up, whether it’s realizing at five, fifteen or fifty years old, self-discovery is an ongoing process. So “something more” is absolutely about her future, but it might also relate to her gender being something more than simply female, more than the binary dictates.

If you read this entire series with the opinion that Blue is not cis (like I do! And like my real life friends hopefully will after reading this J), there are masses of hints pointing towards it and creating evidence. Smash the cis-tem.

By now I’ve made my point about her gender pretty clear, so now it’s time to point out that Blue isn’t straight either. First of all, if she does not confirm to either of the binary genders, she cannot, in any way, be heterosexual, but either way, there’s just no way she’s straight.

Now, if you read this essay (? analysis? meta deep-dive?), you will soon be convinced that her entire friend group is queer somehow, which absolutely accounts for something because I can confirm, from real life experience, that queer people seem to flock towards each other. I will admit that we don’t really see her interact with many female characters outside of family (yes I will admit this is a red flag, but I promise the book passes the Bechdel test), but the vibes she gives off are clearly m-spec.

Additionally, because I am always looking for some representation of my own identity, Blue could potentially be somewhere on the aro-ace spectrum. This isn’t shown super strongly, especially since she does get a canon relationship and it’s very sweet and romantic. Yet, she is not really sex-driven or anything like that and seems to value friendship a LOT, though the entire theme of friendship in general throughout the series will be explained in a later part of this analysis. Also, while I am aware that the books are YA and thus won’t focus on sex too much either way, especially in teen characters, it’s comparably low, considering the premise is (wrongfully) about true love’s killing kiss. We can also compare her storyline and character to Kavinsky, someone her age who seems to be very obscene, and characters like Ronan, who are somewhere between them on that scale. Overall, I would probably call her pan, but once again, there might be some greysexuality or something similar in there.

Lastly, Blue would absolutely wear crop tops of course. Now that I think about it, she probably even does at some point in the books.

autism? autism! me too!!! wanna rant about your special interests? go for it!

hello fellow autistic individual

be warned im about to talk a FUCK TON, specifically about the raven cycle. this post will very much need a "readmore" to keep it from clogging dashes

ANYWAY

the raven cycle is a YA urban fantasy quartet by maggie stiefvater published between 2012 and 2016, which also has a spinoff series "the dreamer trilogy" but ive only read the first Dreamer so far; i have a signed copy of the 2nd and am mildly worried ill ruin it. i first read TRC last year in july and am actually currently doing my 3rd read (via audiobook this time). So what is it about, you ask??? WELL

TRC stars 5 teenagers--Adam Parish, Ronan Lynch, Richard Gansey, Blue Sargent, and Noah Czerny. the boys meet blue at a restaurant and somehow drag her into their "quest"--find the body of Owen Glendower in the hills of virginia and wake him up. They want to do this because when gansey was 10 he died via wasp stings and was brought back to life with the voice of glendower talking to him and now he's OBSESSED with finding glendower. Along the way we find out Blue is gonna kill her true love, and that guy probably is gansey (who only has a year to live).

u may be thinking, 'alright, cool plot, but why special interest-worthy?" and i shall gently yell BECAUSE ITS THE BEST WRITING AND CHARACTERIZATION IVE EVER COME ACROSS

Maggie stiefvater knows how to make the best characters, like, ever, because she doesnt do the typical YA thing of "oh uwu here are their flaws: theyre too nice, too sweet, too naive". she's got shit like "purposely failing school" & "stupid about money and insensitive to friends about it" and "refuses to ask for help" and "drinks to cope", y'know, things that are actually flaws to overcome.

they've also all got amazing little traits just-to-them; blue really likes trees, layers her clothing, loves yogurt, is the only non-psychic in a family of them, & shreds her shirts to make them look more interesting. Ronan races cars, knows how to farm, LOVES his little pet bird (named Chainsaw btw), and grapples with being religious (catholic) vs being gay. Noah is quiet and "smudgy" and doesn't eat enough (because he doesnt. actually. have a stomach or like an actual brain really thats another thing tho). Gansey loves his journal and is terrified of wasps and eats avacado on his pizza and is really good at finding things. Adam wears a coca-cola shirt and is super focused around money (bc he Has None) and lives above a church and helps ronan do stupid shit. like, this is the stuff i thought of within 30 seconds for each character, and most of that alone is in the 1st book. like, it gets even more thorough as it goes on.

and the WRITING. i know exactly what the inside of gansey's car looks like and it wasnt boring to learn that. like, i still remember that stiefvater described that there's CDs in the backseat and beef jerky thats long expired and too many receipts. I remember 300 fox way (blue's house) doesnt have a single man living there and that there's a sewing-phone-cat room. I remember monmouth (gansey's house) was a factory but it's unknown what it produced but there's scorch marks on the walls and really high ceilings. I know blue adores the stars and trees and i know persephone (blue's mother's friend) listens to angry PHD music. Like, this was all peppered in casually but written in such a gripping way that its lodged in my brain. i was never once bored reading TRC, and ive gotten bored reading almost every other book, even the ones i love.

and the MAGIC is so cool, there's psychics and trees that speak (but only in latin!) and dragons made of fire that came out of people's heads and demon bugs and weird sticky stuff that tears apart the world. it's not all explained, and i love that, because it's explained enough that i'm satisfied but i don't somehow know more than all the characters combined.

... anyway i realize ive practically written an essay, and also i have to do my nano shit now cause theres not a ton of hours left in the day, but!!! soul is doing the smiley emote!! because raven cycle!!

anyway everyone should read it, it's very very cool

(also i will be posting my Autistic Gansey Theory at some point)

good day to all

I personally think Pynch anniversary is November 2nd because 1st is ronans bday and idk they kissed and all and probably talked through the night and i think it makes sense that the anniversary would be November 2 but thats just me. They’re basically together now for 1 yr and idk 1-2 months. Since they got together 1 yr before adam left and now it’s November/December again.

I have a question btw. Why do you think so many people seem to dislike Adam and/or Declan? I mostly am following pynch / Adam blogs but i see a lot of negativity too and idgi.

I personally like gansey and blue for example even tho they’re not perfect but actually no character is, not even adam even tho i love him dearly. But so much of the stoey happens bc of adam and idk…

Also I hate kavinsky apologists or people who say ronan had a crush on him wtf 😳 like. No. Kavinsky was disgusting and yeah maybe lost too but an asshole nonetheless. Ronan was already riding his crush on adam wave and he def wasnt interested in kavinsky except for the racing and dreaming convos ?! Sorry brain dump

yeah, I suppose that makes sense. depends on when you define their anniversary ig? is it an anniversary when you first kiss? when you admit feelings? when you officially declare you are together? I sure as fuck wouldn't know!

and oh boy, I have thought about why people hate Adam a lot and I think Adam perfectly described why in trb - "rags to riches isn't a story anyone wants to hear until after its done." I can't speak for everyone, but it wasn't until end of trb/start of dream thieves that I started to like Adam. I liked gansey immediately, but barely skimmed over adam's chapters until we got to his "what do you want, Adam? to feel awake when my eyes are open" because suddenly I could understand with vivid clarity why I was so eager to not pay attention to Adam - it's because he is real. gansey, at least at the start, was not. he was from the get go established to be the typical male lead. handsome, popular, rich. he's privileged but tries to be humble (even when he fails at it), he tries to be a good friend (even tho sometimes he fails at it). gansey was presented to be the kind of protagonist we are all familiar with. we've seen him in nearly every piece of literature. but Adam? Adam is real. Adam is like the average person. he doesnt get to hope for a future, he has to make one. he understands this fact, perhaps more and way earlier than any other person might, and he wont let anything stand in the way. in trb it made him appear to be cruel, because when people read books about friendship they want it to be all or nothing. you would give up your life for your friend. you would give up everything for them. and so the audience, who are already naturally inclined to immediately go towards gansey, are frustrated at Adam because he's your friend! he just wants to help you! it's not until adam's arc ends that people really understand where Adam comes from, why adam does this. you cant give something to someone who has always had nothing and expect them to not think it doesnt come with strings attached. in the real world, it always does. and I think that is why adam's character arc hits all the more. I thought he was an interesting character from the start, but it wasn't until dream thieves, it wasn't until Adam had really really started his character development, that I finally understood. to me, personally, thinking too hard on adam's character was uncomfortable because then I would have to face the reality of life. liking gansey was safer, because he is the prince. the hero. the one you know is going to make it out in the end. the one you're supposed to like. but then Adam, who was supposed to be the side character in gansey's story, makes his own. he becomes the protagonist, takes charge of the story and the narrative - he doesnt just get the title of protagonist, he specifically makes it for himself. and honestly, I dont think adam's absolutely amazing spectacular character development hits as well if you didnt dislike him at the start because, Maggie makes sure you inevitably have an 'oh' moment where you realise that its been about adam parrish all along. its one of the main reasons why I will undoubtedly say Maggie Stiefvater is my favourite author - she is so good at manipulating her readers!

the same goes for declan, I think. we're not supposed to like him, because aside from that one pov he has, we only see him from the perspective of people who don't like him. I personally liked Declan right from the start, but I am in the minority because I know what its like to have to parent your shithead brother because your parents wont. but we were intended to not like declan until we finally saw his story from his pov in the dreamer trilogy. again, expert storytelling by mstief.

(tho if you still dont like declan and adam idk what to tell y'all. maybe reread the book with critical thinking skills?)

and yeah, I have to agree with you there. I have a lot of problems with a lot of things gansey and blue - especially gansey - do (more or less all of dream thieves??? I dont think I will ever forgive gansey for the car convo) but I cant say that makes me hate them exactly, because they are very complex characters.

and yeah dont even get me started on kavinsky. tbh I have his tag blocked and dont ever interact with any k posts. he was gross and disgusting and im glad he died.

intro post

I’ve been creating stories ever since I can remember (my first stories were saved to floppy disks). I have so many stories inside of me that need to be told. My first writeblr was deleted (pretty much the same url, and it was brand new too) and I’m unsure how to rewrite this intro but uhhh I’m in my mid 20s, I’m neurodivergent and queer. You can call me Fey, Tama, or Lumi. I have always loved fantasy, but I want to branch out into other genres too. My favorite authors are JRR Tolkien, Jane Austen, Maggie Stiefvater, and Tamora Pierce. This blog will be a mix of my writing, things I find inspiring, literature analysis, poetry bits, etc. (but I’m shy about posting my writing) btw I like to talk a lot in the tags~

My most important wips:

A Knight’s Tale

Long ago, humans crash landed on the planet of Wostria. Thousands of years later, the last free human kingdom in the land of the elves is under attack. The princess is rescued and travels far away with the expectation that they’ll come back someday to reclaim their homeland. Once away from everything familiar to them, they realized they’d rather be a prince than a princess. Currently at the academy for knights, Nettle has their first experience on the field and is horrified by what they saw. Will they stay true to themself or accomplish what is expected of them?

25k+ words, tag, intro post here

Genre: YA fantasy, planetary romance

Mood: right as the season shifts into spring and everything starts to have hope and grow again

Topics and Tropes: coming of age story, gender exploration, police brutality, sexual assault, healing from trauma

Inspiration: Tamora Pierce stories, Dragonriders of Pern stories, the events of June 2020, Tess of the Road, my personal experiences with gender/religion

The Injustice of Mhorgun

The opening ball of the season was swarmed with undead. Four people are sent to investigate how and why they were able to get so close to the city on that night, some prepared and some completely not. What they found tumbled them into a quest beyond their reckoning. Is any of what they were taught by the church true? Each of them must balance this new mystery with the social obligations of the season and the expectations that their family has placed upon them.

reworking the outline, tag, intro post here

Genre: historical fantasy (regency), gothic horror, adult fiction

Mood: the middle of winter when everything is dead, cold, lonely

Topics and Tropes: undead/vampires/liches, childhood friends to lovers, queer cast, freedom, expectations

Inspiration: Dracula, Pathfinder mythology, Jane Austen, TP: Shadows of London

Splash Zone

summary to come

outlining, tag, intro post (not here yet)

Genre: YA low fantasy

Mood: the height of summer when everything is bright, vivid, and colorful, especially the lip gloss

Topics and Tropes: parental neglect, blue vs red romance, trio of friends, mermaids, friendship, pirates, letters and diaries, beaches, secrets, mysteries from the past

Inspiration: H2O Just Add Water, Dive Club, Outer Banks, Lock and Key by Sarah Dessan, Our Flag Means Death

Legendary Warriors

Adrian Zoleta is your average college student, but his world completely changed the day Ignatius, an alien from another planet, appeared in his life. They were attacked by a monster made from evil magic + pollution which caused them to transform and become the legendary warriors! Together the two must find and protect the rest of the legendary stones from the villainous dragons who are corrupting the earth with their greed.

not a novel - serialized fiction

3.5 chapters, 9.6k words, tag, intro post here

read the first chapter here or on ao3 @/LuminousPulse

Genre: adult fantasy, reverse portal fantasy, magical girl AU (except they’re not all girls), college AU

Topics and Tropes: found family, queer characters, color coded characters, land sea sky, climate change, pollution, capitalism, disability, and more to be discovered as I write

Motifs: rocks and minerals, natural disasters, anthropomorphic animals

Themes: Friendship is the truest bond; Individual action will never be enough to heal the earth as long as capitalism exists; The earth is worth protecting; It is a myth that you can become wealthy by working hard your entire life; Your worth is not based on how productive you are;

Inspiration: Precure (MahouTsukai and Healin Good but also just as a genre), Tokyo Mew Mew, The impact capitalism has had on the earth

(summaries and titles are a work in progress)(here is a page of all my wips)

please feel free to send in asks about them! (or about anything, I’m not picky). I’m new to this so neither wip has a taglist yet, but I can certainly start one if anyone’s interested!

Initial Thoughts

Mister Impossible spoilers under the cut! 

Okay I am still feral but can use real human words now (like a human not a dream-- okay okay sorry) SO here are my disorganized first thoughts having just put the book down about twenty minutes ago, expect little in the way of chronological order

I was not jazzed about the book when I first got it, gonna be honest. The title, okay I guess, I can understand - the song Mister Impossible is a banger and definitely fits the mood. Would’ve prefered a line from the song rather than the title, which is, as some have pointed out, a bit more of an action-novel title than what we were expecting from the Dreamer Trilogy. But fine. Okay. 

Then I read the summary in the inside flap and I went :/ Hmm. Sounds a bit too high-stakes for me - listen, finding one dead king? Fixing one local ley line? That I can vibe with. Finding another dreamer a city over? Underground criminal magic market? Cool. Tangible. Fantastical! But tangible. World-ending stakes? I’m sorry, you’ve kinda lost me? But okay, okay, I trust Mrs. Stiefvater, I want to know more about dreamers and dreams, I’ll bite. 

The three quotes that come before the story itself? Another :/ Another hmm, okay. I’m not terribly jazzed. It’s not caught me. Even the first page! Didn’t catch me. I had to intentionally set aside critical-mode as I started the book

*takes a moment to set aside critical mode again because I did genuinely enjoy this book*

MATTHEW AND HIS CRISES, AA. Poor boy. “Was I made to be this way, or am I this way because I am me? How much free will do I even have? How much does it even matter? How much does anything even matter?” My philosophy phase last summer would’ve totally vibed with you, my dude *fistbump*

ALL OF THE MODERATORS EXCEPT CARMEN WERE DREAMS???? I’M SORRY?????? WHAT

No seriously they were all dreams?!?!? Since when?? Since how?? If they’re killing Zeds, were they killing all but their own Zed?? Did they all have sweetmetals?? Did Ronan dream them, too?????

If so that’s incredibly fucked up

SPEAKING OF SWEETMETALS

Bro what was that. I’m sorry but what was that.

Listen okay it makes sense in the context of the story I guess, but I couldn’t help but read it more as a part of her metaphor for like “dreamers are artists” and I totally get where she’s coming from looking at it as part of the metaphor, especially considering her recent/semi-recent health issues BUT as a story? Idk I just didn’t feel like I could mesh it with the story itself, see it as a thing on its own outside of the metaphor

TRC I could see both the metaphors and the story. CDTH I could see both the metaphor and the story. All The Crooked Saints I could see both the metaphor and the story. Here I was having trouble

Speaking of the metaphor

Why was Ronan committing ecoterrorism

I was almost getting like. Idk y’all read the latter half of Maximum Ride? We were edging into that territory where we were losing the thread of the story in the metaphor. Anyways

BRYDE

BRYDE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I had to go scream at a friend when I read that part!!! Ronan dreamt himself a father figure, a teacher, a leader!! I’m FERAL

This part I felt was well-done

But BROOOOOOOOOOOOO, a dream that is also a dreamer???? WHAT. The power that takes, the power that has. Unstoppable.

MATTHEW FELL ASLEEP AT THE END AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Wait tho what was that at the end. I do not understand.

I get why Hennessy killed the ley line

BUT WHY DID MAGGIE

I saw Ronan and his dreamt fire and his internal conflict/angst. I saw Hennessy and her lace. Get it.

BUT WHERE DOES IT MAKE SENSE THAT ALL THE LEY LINES SHOULD DIE. WEREN’T WE GIVING MATTHEW AND JORDAN FREEDOM. WEREN’T WE WAKING BACK UP THE ARTISTS OF THE WORLD.

And Matthew was gonna go to school and be a real person instead of his brothers’ pet T_T

How could they do this to my sweet boy

And the book ended with Jordan??? I didn’t feel like she was a main-main character, enough to be ended on like that?? I thought the Dreamer Trilogy was about the dreamers primarily and dreams secondarily. CDTH even opens with stuff about the Lynch brothers (fantastic, btw, still catches me and gets me excited with the very first line even after three reads and about two years)

this is saltier than I intended whoops

Also

Also

Carmen and Lilliana

Appreciate the lesbians! Very much appreciate it. Feeeeeelin like it fell a little flat. Idk I saw possibility for more in the last book, maybe, but this book went from “hint of hint of space for development” to “they are KISSING, they are RUNNING AWAY TOGETHER, they are PAINFULLY OBVIOUSLY DATING”

Lowkey where did that come from

And where was Adam aaaaaaaaaa. I was worried about him! What happened to him! But then turns out Ronan just threw his phone away too fast bro, Ronan, plz 

I think that’s it? I think that’s it. No wait I did really like Jordan and Declan, that was nice. Henessey’s characterization was well-done I think; she be self-destructive and #struggling and desperately in need of some lesbian aunts (good for her on getting them).  ADORED Matthew and his personality and crises. Overall the book was just not the vibe I was expecting/necessarily came for; the stakes were too big, I think, was the most major issue.

What I’ll be looking for in the next book

WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW THAT THE LEY LINES ARE DEAD. Will Matthew be okay? Will Ronan be okay? We established that he doesn’t work without a ley line, right, boy just nightwashes out of life?

ALL OF THE MODERATERS WERE DREAMS??? MRS STIEFVATER EXPLAIN

Ronan just. Did a bunch of ecoterrorism. For nothing? What’s up with that lol. Is somebody gonna arrest him

Opal was mentioned but we never saw her. Where is she? Is she okay?

HOW IS JORDAN AWAKE, WHAT. Is the sweetmetal, like, inside her now, because she made one? Also why did we end on her. I feel like “It was a very nice day/she felt awake” is a VERY different mood from the devastation we were just reading. Matthew slipped out of consciousness AND HE WASN’T EVEN A KING. Like this was TRK-level dramatic but then our last bite of story was not that. I Must understand.

Somebody better talk to Ronan bro seriously kid needs therapy, he made his own father/mentor/leader figure. Declan was worried Ronan joined a cult but turns out boy made one. Plz help him

Hennessy better be vibing. She doesn’t have the Lace to contend with anymore

I think that’s it legit! This was waaaaaaay longer than I thought it would be lmao and less comprehensible/deep but hopefully in the future I will be back with more organized thoughts because boy does this book invite them (and no those thoughts will not be majority salt)

hi tj, in your other masterlist you said that you’re a whore for the found family trope and i just wanted to ask if you have any book recs c: thanks 💖

i got you! this made me really happy btw cos i love talking about books lol, so feel free to tell me what you think :) these are my favs but if you have any recs, feel free to share <3

fantasy

the raven cycle series by maggie stiefvater (my comfort characters <3)

the entire a court of thorns and roses series by sarah j. maas

the six of crows duology by leigh bardugo

ruin and rising by leigh bardugo (it’s the last book from the shadow and bone trilogy)

the atlas six by olivie blake (it’s not really a found family but it kind of also is)

sport fiction…mafia? lol

the all for the game series by nora sakavic

060720 | hi friends ! i figured it wasn’t too late to post my goals for this month :)

→ use my journal more actively

i’ve been really bad at using my bullet journal recently and i wanna get back into using it everyday !!! so far it’s going quite well

→ get outside once a day

i walk my dog everyday, but i want to find other way to get out of my house even if it’s just sitting on my deck instead of inside

→ paint something :)

→ do the 30dol challenge + start 100 days of productivity

i’ve tried to do 100 days of productivity before, but it’s never worked out. the 30dol challenge (which i talk about + outline my goals here – i’m learning japanese) seems like a good way to start it off !

→ read 5 books

my tbr for this month is:

the raven boys by maggie stiefvater (2nd reread ,,)

a darker shade of magic by v.e. schwab

ghosts of the shadow market by cassandra clare (i have been reading it since septmeber, it’s time i finished it)

the cruel prince by holly black

finish rereading prisoner of azakban

btw i’m a fairly new studyblr and i wanna get to know people !! i might make an intro post soon, but in the meantime if you’re a studyblr (esp. if you post about english lit./reading, french, japanese, and/or dark academia) like/rb this post and i’ll check you out. the studyblr community is so nice and i wanna make friends -w-

♫ rollin’ - twice ♫

howdy! so i was tagged by @levencamthenone (thank you btw!) so let’s get going

name: saph

birthday: march 9 (which is the day before leven up there. so that’s crazy)

hobbies: if i’m being honest i have too many. but to start: reading, drawing, writing, d&d, and most recently, making friendship bracelets. oh and also consuming lots of anime and podcasts.

favorite color: blue probably? i always say i don’t care but everything i own is the same shade of blue. i mean, even my hair is blue so....

height: 5’2” i’m just a leetle bloo gremlin, you know?

favorite book: ok get ready for a long winded answer bc i love to talk about books. so if i had to pick a single favorite book, probably Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones. but that’s technically part of a series so if i had to pick a stand alone, Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. but!! if you want my favorite books ever of all time?? The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater. i even have a blog for it —> @beesandbravery (honorable mentions include anything by Leigh Bardugo, Marie Lu, or Rick Riordan)

last song i listened to: i’m still standing from the rocketman soundtrack!!

last movie i watched: just rewatched both mamma mia movies with my best friend bc she moved away for college :’)

inspiration/muse: boy have i been creating a lot of beaujes content lately, let me tell you. love my bloo gorls <3

dream job: i want to tell stories!! i don’t really know how though!!! i love reading novels but i also love comics but i also love animation but i also love dungeons and dragons so i don’t know!! i can’t pick a storytelling medium ahhh

meaning of url: uhh love my boy caleb. and he’s from critical role so... ta-dah!

tag eight people: okie dokie! @tazmcgay @kimabutch @indigoscout @phantom-box-5 @screechingzippereggbat @geekycriticalrolo @trashy-cannot @shionz

get to know me tag

I was tagged by the amazing @wooyoungsbabe ♥♥

I won’t tag anyone, but feel free to do this if you want to!!

Birth year: 1998

Star sign: Scorpio

Height: 5 feet. God im so short

Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 4 songs: What playlist are we talking? I’m just going to put all of my songs on shuffle hehe

1) Asking Alexandria ~ I won’t give in.

2) My Chemical Romance ~ The End.

3) EXO ~ Run.

4) All Time Low ~ Walls.

(god im such an emo)

Grab the nearest book to you, turn to page 23, what is line 17?

dfjdjgjf page 23 only has 6 lines so i’ll just use the last one.  “...Gansey, “I’m pretty sure I know what Ronan’s doing.”  

The book is The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater btw

Ever had a song or poem written about you?

nopeee

When was the last time you played air guitar?

I have no clue. It’s been years. 

Celebrity Crushes?

ohh ahh, idk. Wonwoo from Seventeen?? 

What’s a sound you hate? Love?

I HATE the sound of people chewing. I HATE IT. 

I love it when people talk to themselves. Like, it’s such a small thing and most of the times it’s barely noticeable, but I find it so freaking cute

Do you believe in ghosts?

As in the way the media portrays them? No. But ghosts as in spirits? Maybe. 

Do you believe in aliens?

The universe is so fucking big for us to be the only living creature out there.

Do you drive? If so, have you crashed?

I haven’t learned to drive yet. 

Last book you read?

The Goldfinch by Donna Tart. 

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Noooo

Last movie you’ve seen?

Mowgli. I didn’t finish it though. 

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I tore a ligament on my left ankle a few years ago. That was fun. Still hurts when the weather changes from cold to warm. 

 Do you have any obsessions right now?

uhhh, fanfiction? I guess? Both reading and writing it. And music in general.

Do you tend to hold grudges?

Not really? I won’t hold it against you, but I will remember it. 

In a relationship?

Yes, with Wonwoo. He just doesn’t know it. It’s cool. 

Crush

well ..

feeling attracted to someone is a feeling you really can't understand and no mathematical equation can even solve the puzzle ..

perhaps that particular person is a serial killer but your heart felt so warm whenever you see that face

gazing with that passionate eyes , and that fluffy lips smashing each other in order to start a conversation with someone you don't care who .. and that golden hair , (for god sake just stop making me desire to be your fingers so i can touch it), burning your heart and breaking you into pieces ..!

You just felt so attracted to that smile , to that person's smell , and that external fascinated look without knowing his internal self ..

that's exactly how you know you have crush on someone ..

when you see that person and you want to look at that face for i don't know how long , as long as you can , but you can't even talk to this person because you know s/he will see you as a stalker or crazy bitch looking at him/her 😶

it feel suck y'all .. 😊

BTW , it was summer when i found him and i can't see him anymore . He was too good to be true ..

but whatever i'll find someone else 😂 ..

May 2017 Book Wrap Up! 

This month I read 10 physical books, which is great because it means that I have opened up space somewhere in my personal library. This was a pretty good month, give or take a few so-so books.

Keep in mind that this is a long text post and this is SPOILER-FREE (though any links I post to reviews I’ve done may not be Spoiler-Free.)

Which books did you read this month?

A Court of Thorns & Roses by Sarah J. Maas

I was lucky enough to meet Maas in Toronto a week or so ago and in order to be prepared for the signing, I read the ACOTAR series (though I didn’t finish ACOWAR for a few days after the event). 

Honestly, ACOTAR was OKAY. I had some issues with the editing, the writing cliches, and the main character, Feyre. She got better as the series progressed, but I found her to be really annoying in this first installment. I want to note that this series is VERY different from her Throne of Glass series, btw. Also, hello sex scenes. 

I gave this book 3/5 Stars. You can add it to your TBR on Goodreads here.

A Court of Mist & Fury by Sarah J. Maas

The second installment in the series is A LOT better than the first book (and not just because of the naughty bits). The writing felt better, Feyre was less frustrating, and the love interest was more intriguing. If you’re reading ACOTAR, or if you’ve already read it and don’t know if you should continue with this series, this second book makes up for the meh-ness of the first book.

I gave this book 5/5 Stars. You can add it to your TBR on Goodreads here.

A Court of Wings & Ruin by Sarah J. Maas

This is the first time I’ve fully finished a series by Maas. So, I’m just gonna quickly pat myself on the back. While this one was a good read, the second book is still my favourite. 

There’s enough closure in this book that you’re left satisfied, but there are still a lot of unanswered questions and events that are kind of glossed over. Not going to lie, despite the comfortable sense of closure, there was a lot of rushing at the end. I wouldn’t have minded a few side stories regarding some of the characters, but again, I must remember that this is only the end of one part of the series. 

I gave this book 4/5 Stars. You can add it to your TBR on Goodreads here.

The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

The sound of my friends cheering because I finally read this book is still ringing in my ears. This conclusion to the quartet is written just as beautifully as the rest of Stiefvater’s series. The characters grow even more and everything comes to a heartbreaking circle. Though it took me a while to read this series, I do recommend it. It’s a good kind of dense writing, forcing you to savour the words and the stories behind them.

Make way for the Raven King. 

I gave this book 5/5 Stars. You can add it to your TBR on Goodreads here. 

Flame in the Mist by Renee Ahdieh 

I received an advanced reader copy of this book from Indigo Books & Music Inc. in exchange for an honest review.

While everyone else loved Ahdieh’s first novel, I found it slightly problematic because of one of the potential love interests. He ruined the story for me and so when I learned about this book, I was super wary. But I took a chance and I HAVE ZERO REGRETS. This book was fantastic. 

If you’re going in expecting a recap of the Mulan film by Disney, you won’t be getting that. Instead, you’ll be getting an equally badass story about a girl in Japan who has to dress as a boy in order to survive. This is full of action, adventure, mystery, twists, romance, and badassery. 

I gave this book 5/5 Stars. You can add it to your TBR on Goodreads here.

Once and for All by Sarah Dessen

I received an advanced reader copy of this book from Indigo Books & Music Inc. in exchange for an honest review

Sarah Dessen will always be an auto-buy for me. Most of her books (let’s not talk about the two books that disappointed me the most) have been fantastic reads and she doesn’t disappoint with this one. While it’s not as good as Saint Anything, I still really, really enjoyed Once and for All. 

The protagonist was imperfect and emotionally scarred, so that wasn’t too surprising--it was the love interest that gripped my attention. He was so well-rounded and entertaining that I wouldn’t mind reading a book from his perspective. Him alone made the story fly by. I’d like to say that this was a combination of The Truth About Forever and Keeping the Moon. 

I gave this book 5/5 Stars. You can add it to your TBR on Goodreads here.

I Believe in a Thing Called Love by Maurene Goo 

I received an advanced reader copy of this book from Indigo Books & Music Inc. in exchange for an honest review.

I had a lot of expectations going into Goo’s book and I know, this is always a mistake. While I did enjoy this book for the most part, I had some issues with the protagonist’s very problematic behaviour. 

You can read my review on Goodreads here. 

I gave this book 3/5 Stars. You can add it to your TBR on Goodreads here.

When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon

I received an advanced reader copy of this book from Indigo Books & Music Inc. in exchange for an honest review.

Menon’s book is another book I went into with expectations, except I was really disappointed, especially with all of the amazing reviews going around. 

I wrote my review on Goodreads here and keep in mind that a chunk of it is me ranting. 

I gave this book 2/5 Stars. You can add it to your TBR on Goodreads here.

Lucky in Love by Kasie West

I received an advanced reader copy of this book from Indigo Books & Music Inc. in exchange for an honest review.

I love Kasie West, but this wasn’t her strongest book. Just going to throw that out there. Despite this, however, there were a lot of fun things about her latest novel. It just felt rushed and a lot younger than other books she’s written, so perhaps that’s why I had a harder time understanding the main character and her naïveté. 

I wrote a Pro & Con list on Goodreads, which you can check out here. 

I gave this book 3/5 Stars. You can add it to your TBR on Goodreads here.

Words in Deep Blue by Cath Crowley

I received an advanced reader copy of this book from Indigo Books & Music Inc. in exchange for an honest review.

I’ve never read a Crowley book before and I’m starting to think I should remedy that. Words in Deep Blue was a beautiful book, made all the more so by the relationships the characters have and the complex hold that the past has on us. Grief, romance, family, and second chances--this book has it all. Plus, it’s set in Australia, which made my wanderlust hungry self crave a future trip. 

Also, can I just mention that this also felt like a love story about books and reading? Because it did, and if you’re a lover of the written word, you might appreciate how Crowley writes about her characters’ love of reading. 

I gave this book 5/5 Stars. You can add it to your TBR on Goodreads here.

What books did you read this month? Let me know if you reblog this post or just by commenting on the post! I hope you all had a good reading month! I think it really helped that the weather was beautiful for the last week of the month :-)

Also, if you’d like, friend me on Goodreads here. 

Happy reading and good luck with your June reading!