Finally finished both chapters for Reverb. Now to double upload or drop one now and later is the question. If y’all wanna be tagged or wtv, lmk. 🫶🏾

Ranking Avatars on a Completely Arbitrary Scale Part 2: Apocalypse Boogaloo

Arson Montague: 11/10. What an icon. She is the moment. I want a full series surrounding her life. She had a Coffee Shop AU with Jack Barnabas and immediately stopped being evil and died. Poor girl. I can't help but find the circumstances of her existence so funny though. Her mom killed her dad while she's been pregnant. The cult didn't even want this to happen since she wasn't "conceived in the flame". According to the wiki they relented since "no one knew how that would even work". They threw away the childcare book because it didn't fit the aesthetic. She still turned out pretty okay. We love to see it.

Annabelle Cain: 8/10. We don't even know anything concrete about her childhood because she might not have told the truth. Go queen give us nothing! Yeah she terrified people at the arachnophobia study but she also used her powers to help Jarchivist and Co. so like? good for her? Confirmed Eldritch Horror.

Nikola Orsinov: 3/10 *in the tune* fuck this shit i'm out! fuck this shit i'm out! No but fr she gave me legit creeps and the forced skincare routine while hilarious to think about just makes me itch all over. Not a fan. Sorry bestie. Do have to give her points for being a whole Demon Mannequin and still being freaked out by The Coffin, as well as for being sassy with Elias. Points deducted for killing Danny

Nathaniel Thorp: 9/10 this man was requested and I had to look him up because i lowkey forgot but when I saw the start I remembered INSTANTLY I love him. He cheated death!! in a game!! what a madlad. Cut off his finger to prove a point lmao. Sad that he was a coward in the beginning but ah aren't we all? He died and then undied and then got better but couldn't eat or drink. What a character. @4bsent-damascus I hope you know you have excellent taste.

Melanie Queen: 8/10. Queen of owning her opinion. Not gonna call her a girlboss or whatever (she is but not for the eye thing) but if there's one thing she's unparalleled at it's owning her opinions. I feel for her! I really do. If I had a ghost bullet in my leg that decayed my morals enough to let me get all the pent-up anger out I would also not want it out. She was horrible to Jon for most of her run, but I also get it? Also, like fucking hell dude she had to mutilate her eyes to get her life back!!

Daisy Tonner: 8/10. She's a good person!! I love her. Points off for being a cop though. But she owned up to the harm she caused! And after disconnecting from The Hunt she worked VERY hard to make sure she wouldn't hurt people again and still allowed it to overtake her so she could protect her friends! Excellent character and she has incredible depth and complexity

Hezekiah WAKEly: 10.5/10 just wanted to lay in the dirt and get some sleep. What a mood. He didn't even really do anything! Yeah he was a little enthusiastic about the grave digging but I feel like that's understandable. If my only good sleep came after I dug graves I too would want to dig more graves. half a point off for murdering his friend though :/ I would've docked a whole point but his friend was a snitch and told the church which is pretty lame. Also it's so funny that the guy that wanted to sleep so bad had the last name Wakely

Maxwell Reimer: 5/10. His last incarnation kidnapped a kid which is a very bad thing to do, so don't. He is kind of a mid character to me honestly. Points for being a body hopper like my man JMag but eh. No real feeling about him sorry lads.

Tova McHugh: 5/10. Diversity Win! The person stealing your life force is a Demigirl! [This is from checking the wiki, where it's noted that Tova is referred to with both she and they pronouns.] This is more from personal dislike of the whole "I can do more so my life is worth more" philosophy they've got going on. Kind fucked up bestie. Was going to be a 4 but I kind of appreciate how much she's working for the philanthropy? In the sense of "I've taken their lives so I need to make it worth it so it wasn't in vain" which is has complicated feelings but I think it's good.

Micheal Crew: 6/10. Overall good character actually. He had some bad luck with the lightning strike and only went after the Lietners to get rid of the thing that was tormenting him. Devoted himself to The Vast and only then was a little insane. Don't think he even actually killed anyone? Just scares the shit out of them. Cool guy.

Julia Montauk: 7/10. Really cool to me actually. Feral, which we love to see. She's got such a fun dynamic with Trevor. She wasn't even like, a bad person at first. Just trying to live her life and then some pool of nightmare ink made heer feral and she's been living that monster hunting life ever since. Points off for keeping Gerry imprisoned and trying to kill Jon. Though I do wonder how she and Trevor managed to get into the UK at all considering they couldn't before

Trevor Herbert: 8.5/10. What a madlad. Showed up in season 1 like "what's up I'm Herb I'm homeless and I may have killed a man". Just wholesale unhinged. He also battled lung cancer. and addiction. and he won!! Incredible. Love his dynamic with Julia and I would've given him a 7 but I forgot about the addiction and lung cancer thing till I looked it up and I think that deserves an extra point that shit is hard.

This is part 2 of this post

Tag list: @pipis-pods @alas-shes-mad @4bsent-damascus @crabussy @u-suck-im-sick

Lmk who else you want to see and I'll add them in the next part (there's so many avatars it's insane there's like 80)

Jujutsu Kaisen E44

- UGHHHH IM ONLY WATCHING THE NEWEST JJK EP BC ONE OF MY FRIENDS TOLD ME WE WILL BE SO BACK IF HE LIED IM GONNA GET HIS ASS

- :(((( nobara my beloved

- i’m tipsy as hell too fuck this shit i can’t do this

- OOOOOOO THEY CALLED IT A MARIMEKKO (finnish brand :))))))

- torilla tavataan!!!!

- nah but actually why is this start so cute and normal i don’t trust this anime anymore

- NOOOO SHES DEAD

- 🫠 i can’t anymore

- mahito just black flashed??

- i hate him

- i fuckinh hate him acrually.

- he can just die.

- with all due respect,,, where tf has todo been this whole time?

- like wym u come here just now.

- u coulda saved nobara if u had been kinda faster u dickhead

- why does he look so dumb too?

- hhhhhh ok intro now. (i’m lowkey hungry?)

- ahhhh so he was tasked to find gojo. well. good job at that ig.

- ‼️‼️‼️ next part written like 2 weeks later when i’m not drunk and sad and annoyed ‼️‼️‼️

- man i feel so bad for yuuji like

- he’s been thru so much :(

- “sukuna killed so many so i have to save twice as much” MAN UR JUST A HIGHSCHOOLER

- i was gonna say he’s only 16 (or smth) he should’ve been at the club

- BUT HES TOO YOUNG YO EVEN B AT THE CLUB

- motivational speech is slay but i’m still mad at him for being late.

- oh i like this other guys technique

- PLS TELL ME THIS OTHER GUY CAN SAVE NOBARA THERES NO WAY PLS I CANT GET MY HOPES UP NOW

- (i know twitter has spoiled me she hasn’t been back yet so whayever ig)

- jesus christ this fight is confusing me

- yuuji black flash 🥰🥰

- pls tell me mahito just dies now

- miwa called herself useless gege strikes again

- man… mechamiwa lowkey sad but the mf is alr dead 😭

- oh they had the Budget for her crying animation

- oooh kyoto school is otw to shibuya too

- ALSO LATE

- this building? metro? whatever it is. should’ve been broken ages ago.

- again W construction companies‼️

- mahito stop moaning challenge: impossible

- PLS DIE PLS DIE PLS DIE.

- if nobara fully died in vain bc this mf lives after this fight i would never accept it.

- ew? human train 🤢

- todo clapped w his asscheeks

- the amount of exercise these bitches r doing is insane. they just ran up the stairs.

- todo our fav magical girl 😌✨🥰

- 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THE BLACK FLASH DIDNT DO SHIT.

- now they’re all strong as heck.

- what the hell did mahito even evolve into.

- “let’s kick it up a notch itadori”

- not me immediately thinking of that one Starkid song

HP Boys: Waking Up Early For Class

A/N: The premis of this is what would they be like if their s/o was not a morning person, so they’re all in 7th year.

WARNINGS: NONE, PURE FLUFF, SWEARING

Harry

Okay tbh I see him being a huge hypocrite. 

Like he def rolls out of bed 5 minutes before being like “Y/N 🙄 we’re gonna be late why aren’t you up” like BRUH

His morning motto when it comes to his partner: Just smile and nod y’all, just smile and nod.

He will always kiss you despite the disastrous morning breath you both have.

His brain doesn’t work tho until like 10 am.

Like you’ll be talking to him and he will be sitting with a blank stare and not listening.

Harry is nothing but a gentleman so he will 100% save you a seat in the great hall (if he can wake up early enough to get himself a seat)

Probably won’t get the hint to carry your books, most likely concerned about his own books.

Deep kisses goodbye because he’s desperate for touch.

So in conclusion: sleepy chosen boy 🥰

Ron

Definite no on the whole morning concept.

Anything before 11 am is early for this boy.

I mean, at least you can be late to class together <3

Honestly anyone is a bigger morning person than Ron.

He’s so stuborn too? No matter how hard you try he will not rise from his comfy bed but I mean can we blame him

Grumpy man!

Absolutley livid about not having the last scoop of eggs.

Every morning: “Ron its not that serious, its just eggs” followed by “But Y/N thats the thing! Its not just eggs its an absolute sign that I should not be awake!”

Similar to Harry: brain function is limited until 10 am

He will start talking then just trail off in the middle:

“And Sprout she assigned homework and I...I don’t...what?”

He loves you of course, it just doesnt look like it pre 11 am

Draco

Fucking psychopathic morning person.

Loves the “refreshing morning light” or some stupid shit.

Que you, his partner, who would rather die than leave their warm comfy bed.

We all know he would gladly rip off your blanket so he can get you up

He’s taken every step so his lover can walk beside him to the Great Hall iN 5 MINUTES.

He will brush the parts of your hair you missed with his hand because hes sweet and slightly vain that way

Will for sure try and have a conversation.

But, you’re like ...~~~<]!€[^]£\£ in the brian.

Forehead kisses will never cease 😈

He lowkey loves taking care of you though like lets be honest, carrying books is what he lives for secretley.

He’s not shy when he kisses you goodbye lets leave it at that.

Neville

Also a morning person, but not a psychopath like Draco.

Would get in bed with you because he wakes up earlier than is necessary but is also lonely so it works out!

Cuddle bug Nev!

He probably walks down to the Great Hall before you do, just so he can save a seat.

And probably makes you a plate too.

He wants to talk but won’t start a conversation if you aren’t in the mood.

Will offer to finish your homework for you, no matter how many times you refuse.

On that same note: he demands to carry your books.

But lets be honest hes struggling because they are HEAVYDHWHJW.

It’s the thought that counts.

Some couples full on make out when they part ways, but hes still a stuttering mess when you kiss him goodbye.

He loves mornings, but more-so when its with you.

Fred

Not a morning person, but will spring up eventually.

Craziest ideas circa 7 am.

Sometimes he just walks into your room and is like “Y/N...wake up. I got to show you my new idea.”

Followed by: “Freddy...I’m sleeping its only 7.”

He just pulls the covers off like a caring boyfriend <3!

Loves your messy bed head more than anything, thats secretly why he bothers you.

Does not give af about whether you brush your teeth he wants kiss!

Why do I just see Fred staring at you while you sleep next to him.

Also I just see him putting some toast in a napkin and being like “Beckfast!”

Doesn’t even carry his own books.

But will try to stick his tongue down your throat to say goodbye.

George

Oh definitley not a morning person, more of a wake up and go back to sleep in my s/os bed person.

How many times have you been late because of George? Too many

“George I love you but you smell rank go shower”

n o he would rather lay with you.

Its YOU who has to go make him a plate.

Both of you are taking turns on the brain cell.

Lots of “huh?” and mumbling.

Glued to your side permenantly.

Quick sweet little kisses behind the coridoors even before class is starting.

Baby need touch 🥺

Cedric

He’s in the middle when it comes to mornings.

Unlike our other charmers, he wakes you up with kisses.

To which you respond with pulling the covers over your head.

Will sit in the common room to wait while you get ready.

If you both can’t find a seat at the Great Hall, he won’t sit, he’ll steal a pastry and eat outside with you.

Somehow Cedric can turn your brain solid rather than mush in the morning.

Ceo of brightening spirits.

Will also carry your books, but would carry the world on his shoulders if you asked.

Probably very little frenching in the halls tbh

Sweet pecks that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Hes the sun of your mornings.

Would tendou, ushijima, bokuto and kuroo be strong enough to lift a heavy s/o? (Not exactly chubby, like I’m kinda chubby but more on the muscle side so I don’t look as much as I weigh). Weight ranges from 80-90 kg. Ik tendou prolly can’t pick up for shit unless s/o is light, but just for the heck of it, would they do it, how easy is it for them to pick you up, do they like to etc.

Ooooh I really like this idea. I had to do a little research cause I honestly didn’t know how much 80-90 kg was lmao. I’m lowkey a bit chubbier so this was a lot of fun to write ☺️

Tendo:

Absolutely loves your muscles or the fact you’re a little chubby.

Honestly it don’t matter to him what you look like cause he’ll still try to pick you up.

Though his efforts are in vain because he’ll struggle and only be able to slightly pick you up and for a short period of time

None the less he’ll do it often only to almost fall down the stairs cause his lanky ass can’t hold you for more than 30 seconds unless you weigh like 50 kg (about 110 lbs)

Ushijima:

This man could absolutely pick you up with no struggle

Unless you’re more than 110 kg (about 240 lbs) then he’ll start to struggle

He’d pick you up pretty often too

Oh you’re tired from walking? Piggyback ride. Oh you fell asleep near him? He’s gonna pick you up and bring you to bed. You get the idea.

Much like tendō he wouldn’t care about your body type. Sure he’d probably admire your muscles and want you to go on runs with him/ work out with him but if you’re a bit chubbier he’s just gonna think that you’re super cute which he’d think either way

Ushijima has probably just picked you up in the middle of public cause you’d been walking all day and you said you were starting to get tired

Bokuto:

Loves to pick you up

He’d do the cliche thing of picking you up and spinning you around (he’d do it every time he sees you)

He can pick you up pretty effortlessly too

Loves your muscles/ extra chub he really doesn’t care about body type

Has probably picked you up and ran around with you just in his arms around school

Kuroo:

Probably picks you up to force you to cuddle or tease you

He’ll do it a lot and maybe struggle a tiny bit but you think that’s gonna stop him? Nope never.

I feel like when you’re talking to someone too much and he wants attention he’ll just... put you over his shoulder... like a potato sack... and leave...

So yes he could pick you up fairly effortlessly

Don't worry, I've actually only sent this ask yesterday x) hhhh I feel like I'm asking too much but!! A second part to my last request please?? Maybe with reader avoiding Diluc and the Winery since they're too fed up to make up, and Kaeya starting to feel suspicious and has a word with Diluc? Gosh I'm just so weak against those kind of angsty tropes, please indulge in my needs 😭😭

Synopsis: part 2 of my last post!

Warnings: none?

Game/ fandom: genshin impact

Pronouns for reader: gender neutral/ not mentioned

Characters: Diluc, and kaeya (platonic)

A/n: hello again! Ok first thing, I’m super relieved you weren’t waiting to long! And then second thing, I was actually really excited when I got your request! I wasn’t sure how to end the last one so this just lowkey made it super easy for me lmao. So thank your fo the request. And lastly you’re not asking too much! Again I had no clue how to end the last post so I left it on a cliff hanger :’). So I hope you enjoy the final part to this and have a wonderful day/afternoon/night!!!

It’s been about a week now since you’ve even spoken to Diluc, despite his attempts. He tried to speak to you on many occasions, but it was all in vain due to the fact that you wouldn’t even acknowledge his presence unless he was saying a heartfelt apology. Which he has not done yet.

You’ve been avoiding Diluc as well. Sleeping in one of the guest rooms at the winery, not stopping by angels share anymore, and going on more commissions to get out of town. Since you’ve been avoiding angels share now, and Diluc a mood, which was more cold and sour than usual. A specific cyro user became a bit suspicious.

Kaeya has noticed your sudden absence at the bar, and not to mention the whole tension in the bar due to the bartender being colder than usual. Diluc would typically work at angels share late at night to give you your space. Though he knew that it wouldn’t make a difference.

Kaeya caught on quickly, and decided to take action. As much as he didn’t like Diluc, he hated the bar being tense and not as lively as it usually is even more. And he missed your important conversations about the drama in mondstadt (kaeya talks shit about people in mondstadt don’t even try to deny it.)

So once the bar was empty leaving himself and the moody redhead he spoke up. “So, where’s y/n been recently? Haven’t seen them around mondstadt at all.” Kaeya said his hand wrapped around a bottle of wine.

Diluc sighed at the question, and shot kaeya a cold glare. Though he remained unfazed and only asked more questions “did something happen between you two? Are are they just busy. I’ve been missing some company recently.” He said with a smile.

That only pissed Diluc off. Even when he’s not trying and is genuinely concerned, Kaeya can still make Diluc want to kick out of the bar. “...both.” Diluc said shortly. Kaeya was surprised that his brother actually responded with an honest answer, and not brushing him off like he usually does.

“Oh? And why would that be.” Kaeya said now intrigued by his brother’s honesty. Diluc only crossed his arms on the counter in front of him and kaeya and sighed. “Being all brooding again huh?” Kaeya said noticing his brothers mood.

Diluc glared at him a second time for the night, and said “I don’t know... I got... upset with them and... why am I talking about this. Especially with you.” Kaeya only shrugged and stated “well desperate times call for desperate measures. So why not vent a little bit to me. Who else are you gonna talk to? The maids? Jean? Y/n?” Kaeya has a fair point. Diluc pondered kaeyas proposal, and after about a minute or so told him everything.

The cyro user only stared at his brother I disbelief, for he knew Diluc was easy to make mad but he didn’t know he had that big of a temper. “Wow... I... I don’t even know what to say.” Kaeya said shock apparent on his face “I mean... I had a suspicion you were in a relationship but... Jesus. Ok well I can tell you that I have no intentions of taking y/n from you I promise. But wow...”

Diluc grumbled at his brothers response and said “listen I know it’s bad but... I just...” Diluc sighed once more and looked away from Kaeya, ashamed. For he knew what he did was wrong but couldn’t bring himself to apologize. “Diluc. You need to apologize. And I get it you hate me so you’re probably not gonna listen to me but that was pretty shitty what you did.” Kaeya said, his words full of truth and worry.

Kaeya cared for you of corse and a part of him deep down cared for Diluc, so he wanted to help but he also know that he couldn’t make either of you change your mind. Especially you, plus kaeya agreed with you. Kaeya’s words hit Diluc deep as he finally felt ashamed and guilty for what he had said. Odd that it took Kaeya telling him to man up and apologize instead of you ignoring him for a week to get it though his head.

After ushering kaeya out the door so he could close up the bar, he rushed home hoping that you weren’t asleep yet. And that you were home. He opened the door to the door to see the fire lit and a figure in a chair, hurriedly writing something in a book. ‘Shit shit shit shit.’ He thought as he identified the figure as you. His heart racing yet he appeared calm.

You paid him no attention as you continued to write till your heats content. “Y/n?” He said approaching you. It was no surprise to him when you don’t reply. “I wanted to apologize. For what I said... and did.” He said. And once he finished the fast writing stopped. As you processed what he said. An unknown anxiety case over you.

‘Was he really sorry?’ ‘Why is this so sudden.’ ‘What is he up to. What does he want. He wouldn’t apologize if he didn’t want something.’ Were all thoughts that clouded your mind, until you felt a hand on your thigh seeing Diluc kneeled down in front of you so he was a bit closer to eye level.

“I know you’re probably still mad, and you have a right to be but just know that I truly am sorry.” He said. You wondered how long it took him to come up with the right words. Because that was all you wanted to hear from him. You sat up straight and said, “thank you.” Before standing up. Diluc stood up on instinct and brought you into a warm hug. You missed him, you missed his warmth, his sweet and soft touches. And now you were finally happy back in his arms.

Nobody necessarily asked for these but it’s been a meh few days and I figured I’d write some shit to keep busy (a little stuck on request but a bih is managing)

So I give you, some random headcanons for the guys

Michelangelo

I like to think that this orange lad while the fun type of bf that has you in stitches nearly every minute, has his serious moments

Similar to Don he’s painfully aware that he isn’t normal and while he can be somewhat vain that boy has got some self conscious thoughts running through him all day. Especially with his s/o

That gives way to some depressive episodes 🥺 (hug him pls)

He’s the second best cook of the four (Raph being 1st place) but he’s the best baker though.

Loves being competitive in games with Raph but enjoys playing co-op more with Donnie

The only time you can catch him really concentrating is when he draws. Boy really gets lost in it. Goes without mentioning, yes he draws his s/o and has gifted them some pretty dope ass pieces

Heaviest sleeper, a bomb can go off. You’ve often almost violently shake him which leads to Grumpy Groggy Mikey™️ and he complains cause on the random days he manages to be up before you boy wakes you up super soft and sweetly

Besides Donnie he’s got seniority when it comes to picking the playlist they use for doing chores.

As I’ve stated and will die on that hill: Touch is his love language. He still likes to snuggle up to his bros or give them hugs. He’s basically attached to the hip with his s/o.

Fancies himself a bit of a style icon

He remembers perfectly the firsts: first kiss, first time, first fight, first makeup, first everything

Him and Raph are the dynamic duo but Mikey loves being coddled by Leo because big brother and littlest brother™️

But he feels most comfortable talking about unusual or somewhat embarrasing things with Donnie cause he always hits him with the “yes it’s perfectly normal because *long winded biology esplanation*”

Doesn’t like to cry in front of his brother but breaks apart with Splinter

He Loves™️ the sound of his name when it comes out of his s/o’s mouth. In every sense of the word, angry, happy, surprised, lustful etc

Donatello

Being a genius has its perks but man can it have its downsides.

He’s just ridiculously aware and that leads to many thoughts and those thoughts can turn very negative

He gets depressed pretty easily but he’s got that Keep on Keep Going attitude towards it. His s/o can catch on pretty quickly and there’s a struggle to reach him when his head is too clouded.

He is the Fix It type in all sense of the words. So he’s the bf that will listen to your problems and he’ll try and find a way around it to help you or at least give out a better point of view.

Which means he’s a great listener, like seriously he loves talking and he rambles but he loves when you do too

Loves to be caressed honestly. If his s/o runs a hand down his arms or thigh, if they caress his cheek or run a thumb across his lips.

He reads all manner of things tbh, from repair manuals to romance novels

Goes without saying, gamer boi. He loves doing mods, always wants to play on expert mode, smart sarcastic burns when he’s playing online and somebody is being an insensitive prick

He’s actually a really good sexter. He’s nervous physically cause self image issues but with reassurance etc he gets lowkey cocky

No necessarily the best cook but he’s not bad either. He does like to make you breakfast in bed.

Serotonin hiiiiigh when they bring him coffee

He loves late night drives, usually takes a Raph with him but once he gets his s/o it’s the two of you driving around New York. One some ocassions Raph tags along too

While they get along pretty good, him and Leo can butt heads a lot. It’s not a dick measuring contest like Leo and Raph. They just argue and Donnie gets a smart mouth and Leo well he can be a dick.

Regardless they make up pretty fast.

Leonardo

He’s got a smidge of OCD. He’s very particular of keeping things in a particular order that he knows and nobody really understands but it makes him happy.

Expert folder of clothing so everyone rejoices when it’s his turn to do laundry cause that mofo does some orgami like shit to everyone’s boxers

He reminds everyone to eat fruit and veggies, can’t be pizza every night

Yes he can be a hardass but he’s honestly an absolute softie with those he loves. He’s very attentive with everyone’s needs, especially Splinter

Rooftop star gazing, he likes to decompress and sometimes that means going somewhere by himself. When coupled up he loves doing this with his s/o and it’s a nice way to get some time to themselves

Listen Leo is boyfriend material, he’s husband material. It’s stupid how perfect he is when it comes to being someone’s partner. He remembers the little things like really dumb things that always guts his s/o.

He’s thought about if anything were to happen to him he’d want Raph to step up. Even if they argue and bicker and fight he knows Raph would set the world on fire if it meant protecting his loved ones.

Is learning Japanese and he so wants to see it someday. Has gotten pretty good at speaking it but reading it is still a little hard.

Has snuck into a flower shop after hours to get you a bouquet, it’s cool he leaves the money on the counter

When Casey and April had their first Big Fight™️ and she showed up and started bawling, everyone thought Raph was gonna end Casey but in reality it was Leo, that boy was seething if Donnie hadn’t played mediator it was gonna be ugly

Leo hates to see somebody he loves cry cause somebody was just being an ass

He loves game night and movie night

While he takes his leader duties seriously this boy will sleep away a day away. He’s tired af get him a blanket pls.

Raphael

Grumpy boi lives to exercise and lift weights but he does have other things he enjoys. He loves sneaking out an making his away around the city from rooftop to rooftop

As stated, best cook in the fam. This man takes pride in that. So as his s/o trust me you’re gonna be well fed

Although he will never admit he can’t fall a sleep without you like once y’all start dating and sleeping over he needs you there.

Mikey gets on his last nerve but Christ if anyone messes with him. Raph is ripping their necks. That’s his boy, he’ll always protect him, which is why whenever Leo starts going on Dad Mode he always sides with his little bro.

Sure he’s got his anger issues but honestly he’s probably one of the most sentimental of his brothers. So yeah cry angry but he’s just a ball of emotions and he doesn’t know how to manage them sometimes but he’s trying

He’s protective of Mikey but lord is he protective of April. Like honestly he gave Casey the big brother ‘if you break her heart I’m breaking ya neck’ speech and he fucking means it

Also, he’s really close with April. Those two are always talking and goofing about. He sees her as that little sister (or more so big sister) and he likes having a sister.

He’s super close with Donnie, they’ve often felt like outcast in their own ways. Raph likes helping out, he’s pretty handy.

Chapter 2

Summary: A relaxing summer after your second year of college sounds nice, until someone comes back and makes it anything but

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x black!fem!reader

Warnings: Eren being a HUGE fucking tease

Word Count: 1851

A/N: This is lowkey a filler chapter, kinda just something that advances the story, and heightens the tension. And I decided to start to posting on Tuesdays and Fridays bc this series is mad long lmao

Tags: @her-majesty-kiara​, @germfart3​, @styxtm​, @iwascrybaby​, @snkpaths, @prxttyguardian

Chapter Summary: You’re falling deeper and deeper into his spell

Your plans haven't been completely thwarted, you've hung out at Jean's house and haven't seen Eren since, so you feel a little bit better. You're at your house this time, the fans blowing on you as you both lay on the floor.

"Remind me why I keep letting you take me outside," you groan, the fans barely working to cool you down.

"Because you love me," he returns, and you shake your head as you roll over onto your back.

"No, that can't be it," you tease, squealing lightly when a pillow comes flying your way, putting your arms up to shield your face. You hear the front door open, but you don't move, letting your head rest against the cool wooden floor.

"Oh, no, the kids are dead," your mom jokes, and you and Jean both chuckle as you turn your head to look at her. "Sweetie, do you think you could help me with something outside real quick?"

You whine as you scrunch your nose. "But, Mom, it's hot," you complain, and she rolls her eyes before waving you off.

"Girl, come on, it won't take long." You groan but slowly start to get up anyway.

"Ha ha," you hear Jean laugh like a little kid, and you chuck the pillow at him as you scowl at him. You whine again when you feel the heat pounding at your skin, and you follow your mom towards one of her flower beds.

"Uh, Mom, those plants aren't going to survive," you tell her, feeling the humid air suffocating you as you wave a hand in front of your face in vain.

She laughs lightly before wiping her forehead, and she digs another hole. "They'll be fine, it's gonna get cooler." You raise your eyebrows at her words as you wait for her to tell you what to do. "I'm almost out of dirt, so I need you to get some from the garage."

You sigh heavily, but turn around anyway and make your way towards the garage. You grimace when the place is way hotter than the outside, and you look for the dirt and sighing when you find it, realizing you have to lift it. You squat down to pick it up, situating it until your arms are wrapped around it with it firmly placed against your chest.

As you walk out of the garage, you look to your left, and you instantly regret it. You don't even realize you've stopped in your tracks as your eyes land on Eren who's working on his truck. He looks up and makes eye contact with you, an easy smirk appearing across his face.

Before you can blink or do anything, he standing upright, slipping his t-shirt off quickly, shoving it in his back pocket before fixing his hair. You bite your lip to stop yourself from drooling which you know you were doing, and even from where you're standing, you can see his chiseled abs and defined back muscles shining in the sun rays with sweat, and he moves back to working on his car, his biceps flexing with every movement.

"Y/N!" You jump when you hear your name, expecting it to be your mom when you look around for the source, but you smile when you see Ymir walking up your driveway.

"Ymir, hey, how are you?" you ask, adjusting the bag of dirt in your arms that's slipping from the amount of sweat on your arms.

"Glad that school is over," she answers, stopping when she gets to you, and you scoff in agreement.

"I know that's right." She laughs with you before turning to where you were looking not too long ago.

"Holy shit, is that Eren Jaeger?" she asks in disbelief, and you smack her with the bag.

"Shut up! He can probably hear you," you scold, and you glance at him. "And yeah, it is."

"I thought he couldn't get any hotter," she comments, and you nod your head as you silently agree with her. "But he's not really my type," she finishes with a shrug, and you chuckle as you turn towards her.

"Yes, we know. Your type is Historia." You laugh again when she shoves at you before you both turn to walk back towards your mom.

You both hit it off pretty quickly when you met, and she was always someone you hung out with whenever Jean wasn't free. Even though you would trust her with your life, you never breathed a word to her about any of your interactions with Eren. Whenever she would ask, you'd give her meaningless or one-sentence answers. Jean finding out what happened back then was enough embarrassment for you.

"How ya doing, Mrs. L/N," Ymir greets, and your mom turns around, standing up quickly in surprise.

"Ymir, oh wow, it's been a while hasn't it?" she asks, resting her hands on her hips.

"It has, it's good to see you," she tells her, and your mom returns it, and Ymir asks what she's doing.

"Planting in the scorching heat of summer," you answer, and your mom rolls her eyes at you. "And now she's got me out here in the heat." She chuckles as she grabs the bag from you, and you wince when you feel how sore your muscles are from holding the dirt when you let them fall to your sides. "Why are you planting anyway?"

"Your father and I made a bet. He doesn't think that I'll be able to grow them," she explains as she gets back down on the ground to open the bag of dirt.

"Can Dad even keep plants alive?"

"You know, I asked him the same thing." You all share a laugh before you and Ymir head inside. Jean's still laying on the floor, but this time his head is turned as he scrolls through his phone. You hear them start talking as you go to get something to drink for you and Ymir.

You walk back into the living room, handing it to her as you find your original place on the floor, and the three of you catch up on what's happened over the course of your freshman and sophomore year, most of the conversation consisting of teasing Jean. You hear the door open, and your mom's complaining about the heat, but what she says after that makes you shoot your head up.

"Come on in, Eren, you've been out there for a while, you're always welcome."

"Thank you so much, Mrs. L/N." You sit up quickly, your eyes landing on a shirtless Eren standing in your foyer, shorts hanging so low on his hips that you're sure it should be a crime as he smirks at you.

"Y/N, why don't you get him some water while I got wash up?" You sit there for a second, dumbfounded before you move, not wanting to raise suspicion as your mom walks out of sight.

"And I still have to see you even when I'm not at home," Jean groans when you stand.

"Love you, too, bro," Eren jokes before following behind you. You open the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, and tossing it to him without looking at him. You hear snippets of the conversation between Ymir and Jean, thankful that they're not listening. "Thanks," he tells you, and you trail your eyes up his body, meeting that stupid smirk on his face as he screws the cap off.

He never takes his eyes off of yours, and you watch his Adam's apple bob, some of the water dripping down his face before you snap out of it. "You're, uh, welcome."

He smiles at you when he finishes the whole thing and tossing it into the recycling bin. "I really appreciate it," he says, walking towards you until your back hits the fridge, the cooling sensation not the only thing that causes you to shudder.

"It was no problem. Seriously." You want to push him back, but that would mean you would have to touch him, and every part of his torso is nothing but muscle, and you try to keep your gaze on his face and not his glistening skin.

"I feel like I should pay you back somehow," he starts, his voice dangerously low, and you grip the handles as you shrug.

"You don't have to do that. It's just water," you respond weakly, and he rests a hand flat against the fridge next to your head.

"But I want to," he pushes, and you shrug again as you try to find anything else to look at.

"What did you have in mind?" Your mind isn't even on the right track anymore, Eren is the only thing filling your senses.

He steps closer to you, letting his hand fall, his finger tracing down your arm, leaving goosebumps in its path. "I've got a lot in mind."

"L-Like what?" You shouldn't be pushing him, you should be leaving, but he always manages to keep you frozen in place.

"For starters," he says, gripping your hip softly. "I'd pin you down and mark every inch of your skin so that everyone knows that you're mine."

You feel your head spinning, the dizzying feeling nearly making your legs go weak, and when he trails a finger up your neck, you look over his shoulder finding a spot on the wall to try and ground yourself. "Then what?"

He huffs softly as he grips your chin, making you look at him, and you don't fight it. "Then," he starts, leaning in closer. "I'd fuck you until you couldn't walk. Until the only thing that comes out of your mouth is my name."

Your eyes shut for a quick second as you bite your lip to muffle your whimper. "Just for a bottle of water?" you try to joke, but now you're breathing heavy, and the playful tone is overshadowed by lust, your core throbbing almost to the point of painful.

He tilts his head as he smirks at you. "Say it."

Your face scrunches slightly in confusion, but your voice is still wavering. "Say what?"

His response is a chuckle as he's backing away from you, and you grip the handles of the fridge until it hurts to keep yourself from pulling him back to you. "You'll say it eventually."

You don't really know what he's talking about, but he backs away from you to create enough distance that isn't questioning just as your mom comes into the kitchen. "Did you get him the water?" she asks, and you try to nod, but your brain is still foggy so it looks like you're malfunctioning, which you basically are.

"She did. Thanks again," he tells you, flashing that smile that he always put on around your parents. "I think I'm gonna get back to work, but it was nice talking to you."

"You as well." He gives you one last look before he's walking out, and you drop your head as you try to make your breathing even again. "He's just such a gentleman, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he sure is."

|Chapter 1|Masterlist|Chapter 3|

Taglist: CLOSED

Tommy Shelby NSFW Headcanons

as requested by anon, thanks for the request!

N S F W :

- sweet Jesus where do I start

- SO

- we already covered that he's bi because bi rights an’ all that jazz, but we never covered what his kinks were in the past headcanons cause I like to keep the sfw and nsfw separated for anyone who's sensitive/uncomfortable with that shit

- so let me start off with something kind of vanilla: he's always liked the way that someone’s body is shaped, tending to go toward formless figures with relatively soft features. but the fact that there may be danger underneath that sweet persona stirs something dark in the pit of his soul, keeping him from falling completely in but backing away at the same time

- there are a number of reasons as to why I think he’s like this, and it's mostly because he wants control to be taken from him

- the weight on using shoulders is almost impossible to bear, and so not having to control something and just being able to trust someone helps him ease down into his own sort of bliss that he doesn't need to share with anyone else. in the earlier stages of the relationship he'd be hesitant to give up control out of fear, but give him a month and he'll eventually start showing signs of secret submission

- for instance, when told to do something simple like put his clothes back where they should be or telling him to clean his damned ash tray, he's a little more begrudgingly compliant than anything. what's odd, however, is that he almost always says he'd “better be getting something out of this” like a transaction

- and so since you're in no way stupid, you'd end up asking him about it. of course he'd play it off, saying something like “What, you really think I'm that much of an ass?” (to which you will raise a brow and say “Yes, yes I do.”) but his ambitions are made clear when you put on a more commanding voice that sounds like stern chastising than a question

- he'd stiffen, his eyes going to the ground as he purses his lips defiantly. your hand would go to grab his chin and tilt his head up, a very smug grin on your features. oh, you get it now. “So you like to be bossed around, Tom?”

- he's going to be VERY embarrassed about it for like a week and may even actively avoid sexual contact which is rare since like??? that's his love language??? he's truly, genuinely just a little nervous. he's not had someone dominate him before and honestly he's a little scared and might rush into it headfirst without even thinking of setting up a safeword

- like you'll be sitting down somewhere when everyone else is gone and it's late, and he'll sort of just bring up that he wants to try something new that's night. and you're gonna be like, uh? yeah, sure, what's up?

- it's gonna take him a hot minute to formulate the words, with his hands clenched in his lap and his eyes trained on your reaction the whole time. sweet jesus, this is embarrassing- “I'm sick of controlling everything.” and that's pretty much all he has to say to get the message across

- your reaction is based on preference entirely. don't be afraid to say no; he understands and won't ever ask again. there'll be other places for him to decompress and let you do your thing. you could be sitting together in bed reading and he'll place his head in your lap. you could be taking a bath and he'll just casually ask to join in, letting you wash his hair or something. he likes you either way, and it's ok to feel safe to say something makes you uncomfortable

- saying yes will lead to a very exited but nervous tommy. exited because he lowkey wants to do that shit as soon as possible, but nervous because it's something new. but he'll suck it up and not back down since his pride usually gets in the way of most things. when asked about a safeword, he'll probably be a little stuck before deciding on “Whiskey.” easy to say and not to hard to remember

- the first time you try it out he's going to get all nervous and tense. “Scared?” he'd harrow his eyes. what made you think that? is it how his knuckles are turning white as he clenches the edge of the bed? “No.” he's lying. a chuckle, light, but with a slightly more sinister tone to it. shit, now he's already half hard. he wasn't aware he'd be so sensitive to that- “You don't have to lie, Tommy. It's fine, I won't hurt you...unless?” Tommy’d roll his eyes

- and that's when he discovers he is in fact the biggest switch on the planet, although predominantly bottom. like, he's very bratty and lowkey refuses to give up to any challenge or demand made of him. he'll eventually ease into the punishment part which may soon take up most of what you do in the bedroom

- my mans moans. a lot. when he's a top he doesn't make much noise; mostly groaning and huffing quietly. but when he's a bottom he's biting back moans, it's almost like a completely different person, but the defiance is almost unmistakeable. any command will be either begrudgingly abided to or outright refused. he needs to be put in his place, and honestly he loves the process

- spanking? it kind of humiliates him a little, but he likes it. he wants to have trouble sitting down tomorrow in his desk

- likes marks being left too, although he'd prefer it just below his shirt collar so only he knows about it. he'd rather no to get weird stares as he walks by people in public

- tommy feels more comfortable being in control, but not being in control is just 100x better. he'll eventually feel more comfortable around you with being able to give you that sort of trust, and tends to be more submissive in other areas of your life as well, although never completely cause this is tommy's we're talking about. he likes to be coddled, and likes to be taken care of. even if he doesn't admit it

- catch my mans being more obedient in your domestic life, since he feels more agreeable. he likes a bit of edge and challenge to his authority or position in those situations. he likes to have something to say “no” to when it's not entirely necessary

- but in general he's not very sadomasochistic, although he does like having “reminders” of the night before. once again, he's usually the one introducing things to your bedroom, and so bdsm might be brought up on more than one occasion on as a joke the first few time since and then seriously

- probably would be more into tying you up than having himself tied up. when those sorts of things come into play he's more prone to being dominant, which leads us to top tommy headcanons

- my mans, as i said, doesn't make too much noise, although in this state he's very very sensitive to touch. not only that, but usually a certain type of glance will get him going for no apparent reason in like a millisecond. he loves the way you look at him, and he loves the way you feel around him, beneath him, your chest rising and falling unevenly ad your eyelids flutter and clench as he grips harder at the base of your hips-

- most things get him thinking dirty in a few seconds, like some sort of horny teen. but as soon as you're out of the public eye, away from the rest of the crowd where they can only sense your impending tension in the air, you bet your ass he will not hesitate to rip off your clothes and get straight to work on that pretty neck of yours

- he's probably down for semi-public sex where he knows you might get caught, but regardless of where you're doing it. once again, the kind of bitch to get turned on by danger

- like the rush of it sends him through the roof, although he's cautious about it too. but don't expect him to be gentle on you when he hears someone come by, no. not at all. he'll cover your mouth, suddenly placing a finger to his lips and turning his head to the direction of the footsteps. all is dead quiet, and yet...he's still grindingly his hips against yours, the hand that once told you to be quiet coming to squeeze your hip to try and make you disobey that command. you'll have to bite back moans, or whines, or whatever you can muster, because as soon as he hears them out of earshot you're going to be fucked into the he wall/table/wherever you've gotten yourself into this time

- his most preferred spot, though, is his bed. mostly because it's the most comfortable and he does like the privacy of feeling at home. he likes to think that this thing that you share is only between the two of you, that no one can take it away and no one else will see these parts of you, physical or not

- he likes to worship you just as much as he likes it done to him, although he might get to eager and rush things up like halfway through. it'll be you who's has to take it slow if you please, whispering sweet nothings against his skin as he watches you with a keen eye, curious to see what's next

- and now for my favorite part: miscellaneous headcanons ;

    + his favorite part of a person’s body is their eyes, and he likes dark eyes the most. they're a nice contrast to his own baby blues

    + sometimes, if he's feeling especially desperate, he may be more clingy than usual

    + if you're working and he wants your attention, he pulls up a chair next to you and caresses/gropes your thighs to tease you into being frustrated enough to spend time with him

    + he'd probably never do anything in his military uniform, although he likes to be called “soldier” when both in sub and dom position

    + if you call him daddy or sir like mid fuck he might just cum right there no cap

    + regular dick size, about 6 inches with a pretty good girth. moderately hairy but keeps good manscaping

    + he's even paler beneath those clothes of his lemme tell ya

    + v prominent dick vain when erect. like, when the blood rushes down where the sun don't shine you can SEE it

    + opposed to popular belief he's v sensitive and i see the most sensitive on his inner thighs and ear area. like, if you give him hickeys there he's going to feel it for at least a few days. also bite on his ear a little bit when y’all’er getting frisky cause he starts to moan a LOT

    + people that can handle a gun are HOT. especially if they don't take shit from anyone

    + if he's had a particularly stressful day he's probably going tom be very eager to just be near you in general

   + chest or ass man? the answer is chest. he likes chests that look strong, boobs or not. it kindof depend so on the shape of your body but someone who carries themselves with their chin held high is a turn on

    + confidence is hot as fuck okay

    + also really likes quickies

- in conclusion, he's a passionate lover when he's not all caught up in the world outside of the bedroom. it's quite literally his sanctuary, his oasis in the middle of a sandstorm. but it wouldn't be complete without you, and even through his pride he can see that as clear as day.

Hi I was hoping for a matchup! Im ambitious, goofy, and pessimistic. I’m also straight.I stress out very easily. I’m a journalism major in college. I’m also an INFJ. I write often due to my studies, listen to music or paint a lot. I love coffee shops. I hate closed-minded people and overly vain people. I typically sleep in until 4am and don’t eat the best. I’m over dramatic as a way to express myself and feelings. Aquarius-Pisces cusp too. Physically I look like my picture. Thank you so much! 🤗

I MATCH YOU WITH... HAWKS

🕸 You were in a cafe shop, working on one of your projects on your college laptop. Everything was fine until a villain had attacked 😲!!!! You had dived under the table (with ur laptop bc that shit costed over $100) and honestly you were scared?? But then WOOOSHHH a guy with red wings had FLEW in and took down the villain!!

🕸 You got out from underneath the table and you got a good view of him and was like "woah..." and he was like "woah..." He thought you were so pretty?!?!?!?!!? My man marched over to you, almost tripped, and asked for your name and phone number. You were panicking because oh my god??? The no.2 pro hero haS NOTICED ME??? HES SO HANDSOME??? Y'all got each others' phone numbers tho. His contact name is "Colonel Sanders."

🕸 Hawks LOVES your goofiness. He thinks you're so cute??? The same thing with how ambitious you are. He loves your determination and honestly??? You're such his type??? I view him as a realist so he's always helping you see a realistic point of view when you're feeling pessismistic.

🕸 Hawks doesn't get stressed out easily because of his realistic approach. When you get stressed out, he doesn't really know why you are, but he helps you anyway. "Everything's gonna be okay, dove" or "I'll help you with your college if you need me to!" or "Let's go sleep away our problems." He's SO supportive?? He's always helping you with your college work and hyping you up. He's like your personal cheerleader.

🕸 Listen, he frames your paintings and puts them on his walls. He thinks everything you do is a work of art. You'll get so embarrassed about it and he doesn't know why??? If you guys ever go to art museums together, you can bet he's gonna say something like "You paint so much better than these amateurs 🙄."

🕸 He takes care of you. He makes sure you're taking care of yourself. He makes sure you have good hygiene and makes sure you eat and stay hydrated. Y'all go to KFC so much together, it's ridiculous.

🕸 My man loves how dramatic you are. Yes, EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS!!!! He's a bit dramatic himself tbh.

🕸 His first "I love you" was at the same time he proposed to you. You two were on one of your dates and he flew you up on top of a building. It was a candlelit dinner in the middle of the night and wow im jealous just from writing this. He was grinning so much and you were lowkey spooked until he pulled out that ring.

🕸 "I love you so much, my dove. These years I've spent with you made me become a better man. I would give up everything to be with you. My love, will you marry me?"

oh boy 1) 2, 5, 7, 10, 15 || 2) 3, 7, 9 || 3) 6, 7, 20 || 4) 4, 9, 27 || part five is embarrassing so none of that shit 💓 || 6) 2, 4, 10 || i gave u so many because i lov u but i'm also fucked up 🍊🌿💐💓

mars i lov u , also don’t worry i’m vain and i love answering questions abt myself so this works perfectly 😌🍯☁️✨🍓🍃 HOLD ONTO UR BUTT THIS IS A LOT :

( part 1 ) 🍨

Have you ever cut your hair yourself?

a: as a kid i think i got something stuff in my hair , gum or ? i’m unsure it’s a foggy memory but i just cut my hair and my mom got soooooo mad bc we had a friend who was a hairdresser and we didn’t tell her or anything and we just cut it , tbh it was pretty liberating but at the same time i don’t remember if i did a good job or not 💀

Do you collect anything?

a: mmm, jars ...... me telling myself i’m gonna gather jars for spellwork and i never actually do it so i just have a shit ton of mason jars , emptied candle jars , small flasks with cork screw lids all sitting around my crystals and incense ect....... rip me.

Are you a fan of bread and butter?

a: yes! i eat fried bread w/ light butter for breakfast most mornings , probably unhealthy but like.......it’s very yummy..... 😔

Have you ever almost died?

a: ive almost drowned at least 3 times, this racist dude thst i almost beat the shit out of nearly ran me over on my way home with his redneck truck ( forgetting i knew where he lived ) , almost asphyxiated myself by swallowing melted chocolate at least 3 /4 times , almost got into a head on collision at a 4 way once, when i jumped from the side of my grandfathers sailboat onto the docks i wasn’t considering how big the leap was and landed fine but almost fell back and would’ve been crushed between the boat and dock , and i thought i was going to die when this homeless man glared me down intensely at the local burger king as i ate my chicken and lowkey cried bc i was also going through an emotional meltdown ( unrelated to said homeless man making vicious murder eyes at me , but that sure didn’t help lol ) i’ve also died a lot in my dreams / almost died in dreamscapes ..... long winded answer but hi mars i’m also fucked up 😌

Favorite animal?

a: GELADA MONKEYS! LOOK THEM UP PLS THEYRE AMAZING I LOVE THEM! BIG FLUFFY BOYS!

( part 2 ) 🥧

Do you believe the butterfly effect is real?

a: hm... i feel like every action mayhaps has some sort of consequence but personally i’ve been seeing that like, how can this be true when you have billionaires who use slave/sweatshops/prison labor but yet are rewarded with vast riches? how can you have all of these people of power constantly doing bad , horrible things and not getting their karma? will they get it ten fold? down the road? is their karma their internal struggles? do they not have any moral qualms? are they MAKING the karma for others? these are questions i constantly ask myself to be quite honest....

Do you believe in witches and/or magic?

a: yes , for the most part. there are some i believe because i can feel it , their energy and majesty in the way they hold themselves and how they view the world, some people just scare me with how they go through life with such certainty on everything, certainty terrifies me to be honest. i do definitely believe in magic! it’s in everything! from someone cooking you something that you regularly cook but it tastes better bc they made it? magic! it’s everywhere! and also practical magic ( spellwork / spirit work / deity & entity work / tarot & oracle ect ) it all interests me and i love talking about it , to people who also believe and practice and KNOW AND RESPECT CULTURE/ HERITAGE / CLOSED PRACTICES! c:

Do you believe in anything mythical/supernatural? (Bigfoot, Mermaids, Vampires, etc.)

a: sorta , i’ve had too many rhythmic taps / scratches on my window in the deep hours of the night to not believe. i’m not sure if i believe in vampires as in modern mainstream standpoint but i’m pretty open to just about anything existing..it’s just this world is so weird and i’d be naive to think that just bc i can’t perceive it with my own eyes, it just simply doesn’t exist... u know?

( part 3 ) 🍡

If a friend called you to help hide a body, would you help or turn them in?

a: i ain’t no snitch. also kinda depends on the friend, bc i wouldn’t turn anyone in regardless ( unless they killed someone innocent / were a budding serial killer omg ) but like do i answer calls? rarely , am i also the one everyone always goes to? yes. either way i’d prolly help you bury the body, answering the phone however? another story. ( who am i kidding i’d be so excited that a friend wants to talk or smth then get roped into this whole drama episode )

Have you ever had a crush on someone that, now as you look back, is completely embarrassing?

a: YES , STORY TIME! okay so i was like 17/18 and i liked this guy and at the time i thought i was being soooooo oblivious about it , but like a few months later a friend was like ‘ did u like so and so? ‘ and i was like ‘ was it that obvious? ‘ and they were all like ‘ painfully ‘ and to this day i still get randomly reminded by my brain how stupid , cringe worthy and weird i acted , like my brain is relentless in reminding me how fucking fat of an L that whole crush thing was........ 🙃

How would you react if you had a secret admirer?

a: depends, ive had ‘secret’ admirers who turned very obsessive in my past, so i’m naturally wary , but idk if someone thinks i’m cool i have no problem with that , but if you put me on this weird pedestal then i have a problem ... 🤲🏽 td;lr : id be as humble as possible bc then i’m reminded i’m perceived.

( part 4 ) 🍰

Favorite actress?

a: lupita n’yongo!!

Favorite type of food?

a: savory / rich/ salty food, i don’t really care for sweet foods ... or fried foods ? i don’t like large portions either tbh, i like to feel full not like dead lol. my favorite types are either seafood or seafood coupled with steak and other assorted meat and sides .

Favorite sport?

a: i liked playing volleyball, i like watching soccer and occasionally college football ( ik ik.... ) but i also love watching women’s professional gymnastics!!

( part 6 ) 🌯

Ever kissed someone who wasn’t single?

a: i don’t think so.... no! it sounds like smth i’d do on accident or smth tbh ... but not smth i’d do purposely!

Have you ever done anything illegal?

a: yes! lots of things! but i’m not gonna list them all here, nothing too serious but lol yes haha

Ever lied straight to someone’s face?

a: daily occurrence tbh, i’m really good at lying , i had to get good at it as a kid in order to avoid shit so 😌 now i can convince gross men that i’m in a relationship with a huge weightlifting bouncer and we have 3 kids and hes on isle 6 and will be back soon when i’m in walmart and some creep attempts to talk to me too much! and they’ll believe me.......

Church Girl

Requests: Open!

Requested?: If you count my discord buds begging me to then yes ahsja

Synopsis: Moon Taeil. Your church's young and enthusiastic pastor, but also your best fuck.

Warnings: SMUTTY SMUT SMUT,,, Lowkey exhibitionism , idk you fuck in a church sorry lord oof

Word Count: 1.3k

—————————————————————

You weren’t supposed to be doing this.

The stain glass windows lined the wall, bible verses printed on large posters mocking you. You knew you shouldn’t be doing this here, or at all but you couldn’t help yourself, the church being a such a sacred place for not only you, but the many other families who attended. Church on Sundays had been the norm for you for as long a you could remember. Your parents had always been heavily involved in the church, running bible classes and growth groups in the week as well as planning church meetings. As their eldest daughter, you had been expected to follow in their footsteps and you had been,

Until Moon Taeil came along.

Taeil was a dream in a pastors gown. Red hair slicked back and dreamy smile. He was passionate and kind, hence why he was employed straight of Bible school. To everyone else, Taeil was a young and enthusiastic pastor. But to you, Taeil nothing but was pure sin.

It all started with a innocent conversation one evening. It was the monthly congregation lunch and much to your surprise, you found yourself seated next to Taeil. You’d never talked much before, despite your similarity in age. Your congregation was large and Taeil was a busy man, but on that evening you talked like old friends. Taeil had an aura about him when he spoke and you just couldn’t put your finger on what it was. You found yourself entranced by his words despite the mundane nature of them,

“So, do you have a boyfriend?” He asked nonchalantly, picking up his fork again and going back to eating his food. Your face went bright red at his question, shaking your head and looking down. Taeil chuckled at this,

“Don’t be embarrassed, you really think girls in their 20’s are interested in pastors? I’ve practically signed myself up for the single life.”

After that conversation, your friendship flourished. You found yourself talking to Taeil after every service, laughing and joking. At first it was just that, but after a while, his hand found its way to your arm as much a possible, loud vibrant laughter turned into shy giggles and before long, you found yourself seated in Taeil’s lap after the church service. You weren’t sure how you started kissing but you didn’t stop yourself. Your arms wrapped tightly around his neck pulling him closer and his gripping your ass. He removed his lips from yours, bringing them to your neck, small moans leaving your mouth and as he worked his magic, you listed the reasons this was wrong in your head.

1. You were in the middle of a church.

At that moment Taeil found the sweet spot at the base of your neck, earning loud moan from you.

“Eager are we?” He whispered into your skin.

2. You weren’t married

“Come on, lets go to my office,” He said with a wink as he pulled you off his lap. You tried to stop yourself, but your feet started moving.

3. He was your pastor.

You reached his office, the both of you wasted no time as you reconnected your lips and his hands found their way to the zip of your skirt as he pushed towards his desk.

And just like that, the your list flew out of the window. Taeil’s office was above the main church hall, glass lining the whole perimeter giving you a view of the church below. Taeil didn’t seem to be bothered this, lifting you to sit on his desk, hands flying into your underwear.

“Ah Taeil, fuck!” You moaned, hiding your face in his neck as his fingers circled your clit. Taeil chuckled at your desperation, fingers moving faster.

“Feel good sweetheart?” He asked teasingly. Your moan answered his question, your hands reaching for his belt, needing more.

“Not so fast princess” He said, instantly removing his fingers from your pants, earning a whine from you. “Remember whose office your in, ok?”

Taeil’s mouth attached itself back to your neck, hands pulling your underwear down and off your body. His lips made their way further and further down your body until his face was between your legs, bruises already beginning to appear on your thighs as his lips moved closer to where you needed him. You could feel his breath on you as he removed his lips from your thigh.

“Taeil, please” you breathed out.

That was all he needed. His mouth instantly connected to your clit, tongue running circles across the sensitive bud. Your hands flew to his hair in an attempt to steady yourself. Taeil chuckled at your response, the vibrations only causing you to moan louder. Taeil kept going, eventually removing one of his hands from you hips to place a finger inside of you. He watched your expression as you desperately tried to keep quiet, which only fueled his fire.

“Taeil, ahh, shit I think i’m gonna cum,” You could barely take it any longer, the familiar feeling spreading through every bone in your body as you tried to resist.

All it took was for him to whisper “Cum for me princess” into your core for you to let go, moans erupting from your body, hips uncontrollably shaking. Once you rode out your high, Taeil wasted no time connecting your lips together once again. This time when you clawed at his belt, he didn’t stop you, instead pulling his trousers off, leaving him in just his boxers. He broke the kiss, opening the top draw of his desk and retrieving a condom.

“Jesus christ Taeil, you keep condoms in your desk?”

“Just because I’m a pastor doesn’t mean I can’t have fantasies.”

“What would those fantasies be hm?”

“You.”

His lips collided with yours once again, hands rooming all over your naked form. Your hands desperately pulled at his boxers in hopes of speeding him up.

“Taeil, please.”

“Taeil please what? Use your words and tell me what you want princess”

“I want you to fuck me Taeil!”

In an instant Taeil flipped you over so you were bent over his desk. You couldn’t see what he was doing but you heard the sound on the condom wrapper and felt his hands land on your ass.

“Your wish is my command”

He spoke before thrusting into you. You cried out at the feeling, hands gripping at the desk in front of as you desperately tried to stay sane. He went slow at first, his deep moans filling the room as he thrusted. You moved your hips to meet his causing him to speed up to a point where you stopped holding your moans in, the pleasure taking over. Taeil then moved his hand from your hips to rub your clit slowly, causing you to whine uncontrollably.

“Does that feel good baby? You gonna come for me again hm?”

You said nothing in reply but when you moaned out his name, he got his answer, the feeling of you tightening around him doing enough to send him over the edge a deep grunt leaving his throat as he came. Taeil pulled out and you stayed hunched over the desk for a moment, attempting to catch your breath. You snapped out of your daze when your saw Taeil crouch down in front of you half clothed, pushing your sweaty hair out of your face,

“You ok sweetheart? I didn’t go to hard did I?”

You chuckled at his response, pushing yourself off the desk and beginning to look for your clothes only to find them folded on the desk next to where you once were.

“No you didn’t go to hard Taeil, that was fucking amazing oh my god”

“Hey don’t mention the lord's name in vain!” He said causing you both to laugh before capturing your lips in a kiss once more, only to be broken apart by a knock on the door.

“Taeil it’s time for your 6:30pm service!”

Oh shit.

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [so like evening like probably not expecting this] Janis: what you up to tonight Jimmy: What are you about to ask me to do? Janis: Sadly, nothing that exciting Janis: but I need out of this house so if you've got something going on, we can make some #content Jimmy: Find a party and I'll meet you there Janis: Okay Janis: it's been dry so far but not everyone can have decided to be boring all at once Jimmy: have you moved to a new town without telling me? Jimmy: bit rude to make me fake ldr Janis: God, I wish Janis: I need to be several towns over with the noise that being made in this gaff rn Jimmy: They're there and you didn't invite me? That's more than a bit rude, mate 💔 Janis: Oh yeah Janis: sleepover fetish is so real 🤤😍 Jimmy: You know how I feel about you in PJs Jimmy: how dare you Janis: I know you're just gutted you didn't get a chance to see 💀👑 in hers Janis: 💔💔 hurts Jimmy: [brings back the # he started about her only wearing pjs cos I skim re-read that convo post school trip yesterday] Janis: Fine, come over Janis: if you love a throwback that hard Janis: we won't be sharing a room with them though Jimmy: I'd 💕 some enthusiasm Janis: You can have all the snacks they won't eat Jimmy: Has my true love cleared that? Janis: You have to save her from herself Janis: they do it on purpose, it's a binge waiting to happen Jimmy: hot Janis: If you've got a saviour complex Janis: put on your cape, crown of thorns, whatever suits Jimmy: If you've got a short enough memory to forget me saving you from a life threatening injury and nursing you back from the brink Jimmy: suited you then Janis: I remember, if less dramatically and in your favour Janis: but I never said it didn't suit Jimmy: know my audience and how they remember it Jimmy: Give me your address then, Juliet Janis: Hmm, Grace would say you owe her damages, probably Janis: [does, lol soz] Jimmy: she knows where I am if she wants to claim Jimmy: I'll have 'em off you though for taking the piss Janis: Only my parents doing that Janis: I'll pay for an uber if you can cope with the flex Janis: desperate times, like Jimmy: shut up Janis: bit rude Jimmy: bit rude is sending me into the middle of nowt to get 💀🔪🔪 Janis: You can trust me Jimmy: Piss off Janis: 🙂🙂🙂🙂 Jimmy: Stop messing about, rich girl Janis: I ain't, look on street view or some shit, it's a big hippie farmhouse Jimmy: [does so a pause] Jimmy: 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 Janis: I'll get you an uber now, yeah? Janis: before they 💀🔪🔪 me in some sleepover satanic ritual Jimmy: I can't have them fucking with our pact Janis: my hero 💘 Jimmy: there's your first caption sorted Janis: I'll think of something as mushy for you in the meantime Jimmy: do you need owt other than a ✞? I'm at the shop Janis: 🤔 Janis: get a like meal for two I can pretend I cooked Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I assume you've got 🚬s Jimmy: I'll grab drinks though Janis: can do Janis: we have some shit here too though Jimmy: What's #goals when you're not drinking a flat white? Janis: if it's pink and alcoholic Jimmy: [sends her pics of different drinks like rose wine or pink gin or whatever else like ?] Janis: Better go gin Janis: it is an emergency Jimmy: [when that's got mum energy so you're lowkey triggered and don't reply] Janis: [when you think it's 'cos it was too pricey or something so you're like oh no faux pas] Janis: the rose would be fine too, I'm not fussy, as you know by now Jimmy: [thinking about Harry too now but sends a selfie from the uber with the gin secured like everything's fine] Janis: 😍 Janis: should I socials that? Jimmy: Why not? Janis: idk how vain you're feeling Janis: maybe you wanna fix your hair Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: if I weren't I wouldn't be coming to mess up yours Janis: 😏 Janis: [does post it, with all that enthusiasm about him coming that is so fake uhuh] Jimmy: [a cute little back and forth in the comments while he's on route] Janis: [one of them clearly has liked it so now they know they know] Janis: There we go, committed now Jimmy: [love that though cos it gives them an excuse to go harder with it which he would and is] Jimmy: Is that a record or what? Janis: wait 'til you see their creepy faces fogging up the glass Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: no horror films needed Janis: got the setting Janis: even if I 🤞 I'm here, like Jimmy: Promise you'll protect me Janis: 💪 babe Janis: you're safe with me Jimmy: Say it then Janis: What? Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: Oh Janis: I promise I'll protect you from 💀👑 and her underlings Janis: salt circles all ready, like Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 you Janis: you're feeling generous Janis: have you opened that pink gin without me Jimmy: you ain't feeling any trust towards me Jimmy: 💔🎻🎻💔 Janis: I'm trusting you with my life rn Janis: you've got to fend off the pillows in the night Jimmy: hot Janis: glad you think so Jimmy: oi, be glad you know it Jimmy: that's a #kinkunlocked Janis: Add it to my collection Janis: 🎟🎟🎟🎟 what do I win when I get enough? Jimmy: What do you want? Janis: fuck a 🧸 obvs Jimmy: If that's what you're getting me to this sleepover for, steady on Jimmy: he can buy me a drink first instead of making me bring my own Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: stop Janis: his plans are set and he is gutted Janis: 🚫 sneaking out Jimmy: me an' all, put in loads of groundwork on that trip Jimmy: treating him mean and all that bollocks Janis: 💔🎻🎻💔 Janis: when it was all a cunning ruse to see Mr. Bear again Jimmy: It's my turn to cheat, Joanne Janis: you'll have to take your free pass to the bathroom 'cos we can't not share a room Janis: and I don't need to witness that tah Jimmy: It's alright, I won't kiss him on the mouth Janis: she probably practices on him Janis: it'll be sticky Jimmy: 🤢🤢🤢 Jimmy: I said I never opened the gin not that I ain't drank nowt Janis: such a lightweight Jimmy: Leave it out, pisshead Jimmy: I didn't know you were gonna 🍑📞 Janis: Do you feel cheap? Janis: 'cos that ride ain't, so don't worry boo 😘 Jimmy: I ain't been in an uber before, how could I not feel 🤑🤑 Janis: 🤞 you get here unmurdered and unmolested Janis: driver gonna ruin my night, like Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: that might make my night 💕👴 Janis: obviously, I am here to ruin your night Janis: 🍑📞 shoulda let you know Janis: were you out? Jimmy: With who, my other fake girlfriend? Janis: I can be that jealous Janis: they'd pretend they didn't love that but they so would Jimmy: I'd drink to it Janis: [a picture of 🧸 in the washing machine like 'bout to drown a bitch for you] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: sod nudes, get you a girl who sends 💀💀💀 threats she's about to follow through on Janis: you're so welcome Janis: he'll be date ready and so will you 🍆💦💦 Jimmy: Depends if they've set a trap on the front door Janis: There's no way they'll be ready for gentlemen callers that soon Janis: you could be travelling from the fucking moon and they'd still be hiding Jimmy: Asia's always ready for me, babe Jimmy: The tall one an' all Janis: you're disgusting Jimmy: soz that you thought you were my only starcrossed lover Janis: Of course not Janis: just the idea of those two doing anything beyond 😭 makes me wanna 💀💀💀 obvs Jimmy: I might 🤢🤢🤢 which is 💀👑 ultimate kink so please shut up Janis: Errm they're your lovers, not mine Jimmy: sound more gutted, mate Janis: what is it this time Janis: 😍 for you or them Jimmy: Me obvs Jimmy: keep up, girl Janis: thanks for saying I'm doing a 🥇🏆 job Jimmy: You're not gay, Judith Jimmy: And even if you were, you ain't 🥇 enough to fake 😍 for them Janis: that was very affirming and then rude Janis: but I'll take it Jimmy: There you go then Jimmy: I'd offer you a gold star but that's a bit Janis: insulting at this point Jimmy: I never thought you were Janis: ? Jimmy: Why did you reckon I thought you were gay? Janis: 'cos you said I was obsessed with them Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: I said the bollocks they say and do is more important to you than it is to me Janis: You might wanna work on your phrasing then Janis: but idc Jimmy: Alright Janis: but for the record, I only think you're gay for Dan Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: v offensive that I've not affirmed your heterosexuality in his 👀 Jimmy: I'll live Janis: I won't Janis: deeply wounded Jimmy: Tah for the warning so I don't go arse over in the blood Janis: not a very heroic way to die Janis: even Romeo did better Jimmy: He had Bill, I'm holding my own 🖋 Janis: hot Jimmy: 😏 Janis: [tweets that gem] Jimmy: [having another flirt via socials] Janis: [love that for you] Jimmy: Have you got a balcony? Janis: Sadly not Janis: been let down big time there Jimmy: And I couldn't fit the 🎻 in my overnight bag Janis: Just when we needed it most Jimmy: it's a piss poor shout, I'm sorry baby Janis: It's alright, in terms of convincing them we're fucking all night, probably need a less 💔 soundtrack Jimmy: 👍 or 👎 to Romeo + Juliet soundtrack? Janis: yes Janis: of course Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: For an all nighter we've got our Easter Rising one an' all, Tah Dan Janis: He'll be thrilled he's having a hand in our fictional fuckfest, I'm sure Janis: a hand in was the best choice of words there Jimmy: He'll be getting me through it 🍆💦💦 Janis: 🤤 hard same Janis: you were such a cockblock Jimmy: Invite him over, I'll go home Janis: He probably has a curfew Janis: God bless Jimmy: Bringing him into it an' all again Janis: He does reside here Janis: apparently Janis: I've never seen him and he doesn't do any chores but Jimmy: holy 👻 and unholy 👻 boy in your gaff Jimmy: might be a scrap Janis: you'll be buzzin' then Janis: making your night over and over, babe Jimmy: can't stop being #goals you Janis: not an amateur Jimmy: loads of time to prove it in a bit Janis: challenge accepted Jimmy: 👍 Janis: You do sleepovers with your mates before? Jimmy: Why? Janis: 🤷 Janis: curious Janis: not as talked about Janis: what do boys do Jimmy: What do you reckon? Jimmy: I'd be gutted to 💔 you Janis: Obviously I'm 💔 that you don't talk about girls and 'practice' kissing Janis: but if you confirm you just play videogames and drink cheap beers on the low, I think I'll survive Jimmy: We do talk about girls but there's no need to practice kissing when you're this 😎🏆 Janis: 😏 okay Janis: not sharing your expertise is selfish of you Jimmy: My ex shared it round plenty, don't worry Jimmy: Half the north knows my tips and tricks Janis: Bummer Janis: No thinking I'm special then, I hear you Jimmy: I can't stop you thinking owt Janis: It's alright, I'm specials in every other way Jimmy: Bighead strikes again Janis: yeah, try and deny it, dickhead Jimmy: That you think you're special? Janis: You know what I meant Janis: you 🙊 me 🙉 Jimmy: Oi I'm 🦍 Jimmy: Ask my man Janis: You're SO hench, babe Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 Janis: I'm SO lucky Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: You picked a film for us to not watch yet? Janis: I'm debating what the worst romcom of all time is Jimmy: [sends her a little list because he's had a nightmare girlfriend] Jimmy: off the top of my head Janis: kink unlocked Janis: that's worse than any of the others so far, God Janis: deviant Jimmy: Piss off Janis: No wonder they all love you Jimmy: They ain't unlocked any of my kinks, real or fake Janis: Are you sure? Janis: they're accomplished stalkers if fuck all else, like Jimmy: I don't have a tinder with 'em listed Jimmy: What are they gonna stalk? Janis: Yo 🧠 Janis: vampire style Jimmy: You're the only 🧛 I've met Janis: 😏 Janis: and I'd do it again Janis: were I not bound to protect you Jimmy: Crack on Jimmy: If we're meant to be pulling a 💕 all nighter you'll have to do something Janis: If we're convincing enough, they'll spread it 'fore us Janis: spare your precious skin Jimmy: Challenge accepted Jimmy: [is extra on socials again for the final time like see how convincing I am] Janis: I know it didn't hurt that bad, baby Jimmy: Do you? Janis: Did it? Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: That's not fair Janis: if I Mike Tyson'd you you have to say Jimmy: I'll tell you in my oscar speech Janis: You'll be thanking me then Janis: ha, knew you loved it Jimmy: for the adversity Jimmy: tah Janis: pisstake Jimmy: you Janis: ☝ boy Jimmy: Why are you trying to truth or dare me before I'm in the door? Calm it down, Joan Janis: Party don't start 'til you walk in? Janis: Psh Jimmy: I need an audience and a stage, Bill can relate Janis: Duh Janis: what it's all about Jimmy: #whenshegetsyou Janis: we're a step away from a contract Jimmy: 🩸🖋💌 Janis: trying to tempt me with some bloodletting Janis: 😳 is it hot in here Jimmy: I wanna get my 🎟🎟🎟🎟🎟 too Janis: you already knew that one Janis: #eargate Jimmy: Yeah but now you're in the mood Jimmy: might let loads slip Janis: You'll have to work harder than this Jimmy: [🔥 sext because why not] Janis: did your driver co-write that or Jimmy: You can ask him when you pay him, that won't be weird Janis: just wondering where the audience is Jimmy: Post it if you wanna find them, not gonna be far away Janis: [does not] Janis: I'm not going to make you meet my parents, by the way Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Should be a rule that Jimmy: I'd bleed to keep you away from mine Janis: Now you're just trying to be hot Jimmy: 😎🚬 Jimmy: #effortless Janis: you better not be in that car Janis: not paying your cleaning bill too Jimmy: It's behind the ear you didn't take off Jimmy: We're alright Janis: Can't say I'm not fair 😏 Jimmy: Not when anyone's about Janis: I know the audience too Jimmy: Be a long night if you don't Janis: shut up Janis: they'll crash before we do anyway Janis: then you can actually do what you want Jimmy: I know you wanna talk about girls and play videogames like a northern lad Jimmy: 🥧🥔🍺 weren't the meal deal though 💔 Janis: 🖕 Janis: oh no, however will I cope Jimmy: I dunno, mate Jimmy: I'll have to double up on the heroics, me Janis: you're allowed to sleep, you know Janis: overtime ain't an all-nighter too Jimmy: might do but I only chucked the one bottle in my basket Janis: we've got some great sleeping pills Janis: dessert 💕 Jimmy: You're alright Janis: 🤷 Janis: not on commission Jimmy: You must know the audience if you're trying to knock me out this hard Janis: How long can we be in each other's company before you try to seriously injure me Janis: nothing but self-preservation here Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I know my own 💪🏆 Janis: Doing it on purpose don't make it no better Janis: 'less I asked for it, obvs Jimmy: Are you? Jimmy: 'Cause if that's a #kinkunlocked I'll have my 🎟 Janis: 🙊 Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: 💀👑 is definitely a freak Janis: probably just encourage her to keep 👀 Jimmy: 🍿 or 📹? Janis: cotton balls soaked in 0cal 'butter' spray Jimmy: 😋😋😋 Janis: though if she were to 📹 wouldn't be the first time Janis: still getting tagged 🙄 Jimmy: #same Janis: hmm, at least your tits aren't low-key out Jimmy: I'll get 'em out tonight Jimmy: Only fair Janis: 😂 Janis: clearly dying to anyway Jimmy: They're 🥇 I gotta keep it #goals Janis: this town ain't big enough for both our heads Jimmy: It's alright, I ain't gonna be here long Janis: Nah? Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Janis: Yeah, well convincing that one Jimmy: Not on the clock yet Janis: 🍀 you Jimmy: 💀👑 got you plaiting or 💅? Either way you're gonna need some glue Janis: not touching her without gloves Janis: one of your girlfriends is asking about you Jimmy: Duh we'd get caught for the 🔪🔪💀 before we had chance to piss off anywhere Jimmy: Which one? Janis: you're pissing off anyway, I'll have to live, murder and die here Janis: now you're interested Jimmy: Oh come on, baby, where I go, you go 💕 Janis: you can drop me off the first place that isn't here Jimmy: 👌 Janis: kink unlocked Janis: have a 🎟 Jimmy: Common sense ain't one Janis: don't tell me what my kinks are and aren't, boy Janis: you're not in control like that Jimmy: I'm 👮🚔 remember Jimmy: might be a kink division Janis: you are ridiculous Janis: and garda ain't telling me nothing Jimmy: I ain't a paddy, law's different up North, that'll be why it's grim Janis: I've seen the procedurals, mate Janis: you aren't old and grizzled enough to be the maverick Jimmy: Stop flirting with me Jimmy: You'll make the driver 😳 Janis: 🤞 you crash, of course Jimmy: Not unless it's right outside yours and you can throw yourself in front as we do Jimmy: 💀💀💀 pact not 👻 me and widow you Janis: but you love black Janis: but fine, I'll throw myself on the wreckage Jimmy: on me, give a shit what you wear, hun Janis: fine, I'll go play dress up with them Janis: good luck faking 😍 then Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: 1. PJs or I ain't coming in Jimmy: 2. maybe I wanna be pretty an' all, bit rude not to wait for the love of your life Jimmy: 3. 🥇 or nowt Janis: 1. admit you care more Janis: 2. you're pretty enough, sweetheart Janis: 3. 💪 Jimmy: More than what? Janis: just more than you protesting Jimmy: About what? Janis: that you don't give a shit what I wear Janis: you started a # Jimmy: Mr Lucas gives a shit what you wear, I just fake it Janis: real mvp Janis: he'd be way more buzzing my parents were out Jimmy: probably a bit late to invite him Jimmy: I reckon I'm here near enough Janis: know how you feel about threesomes Janis: I'll come find you Jimmy: first off, it were you who 🚫 my proposition for us and that dickhead of yours to have one Jimmy: second, you better had, you did 🤞 Janis: Was not Janis: and he's not MY dickhead, just a dickhead, don't put that on me Janis: [meeting him dramatically 'cos they watching, turning her eyes up to the window so he can see] Jimmy: [we know he's gonna go with it and we know why so] Janis: [we all know you're both grateful for an excuse to kiss each other on sight] Jimmy: [pick her up boy even though you'll have to put down what you're carrying #priorities] Janis: [when y'all would NEVER let a man lmao] Jimmy: [we all know y'all are lowkey like DON'T TOUCH ME] Janis: [tbf a boy was like i can pick you up when i was like 13 and i was like you can't and then he tried and was like oh you're heavy rude you're just weak] Jimmy: [I'm so 😡] Janis: [don't need that potential trigger in your life ladies] Jimmy: [I'm dying though like get inside you two, there's never any need to go as hard or long as you do] Janis: [so method lol] Jimmy: [Gotta like throw the food at her as soon as you're inside because a second has passed without being rude and god forbid] Janis: [just judging his choices like hmm 'cos same] Jimmy: [😒 like oi as if he's not just been rude but opening the gin even before there's glasses #calm down] Janis: [raising a brow but not saying anything 'cos you're like yeah, fair, pointing him over to wherever the glasses are so you can fake cook this meal real quick] Jimmy: [raising his own like oh you fancy as if he was just gonna swig it from the bottle forever but pours some into her mouth first because so needed and shamelessly flirty all the time before going to sort glasses like nothing even happened okay] Janis: ['have some decorum, boy' 😏 until he does that then you're like 😳 'tryna get me drunk too' tutting dramatically] Jimmy: [just shakes his head also 😏 at the words and the tuts 'Don't worry, I know, wouldn't be very goals, that'] Janis: [shrugs 'depends'] Jimmy: [gives her a look like I know it would be for you but we don't set the goals] Janis: [looking back 'til the microwave pings and brings you back 'round 'you've seen 'em at parties, right pissheads'] Jimmy: [Shrugs 'You're a lightweight, and we've got content to create' realises that rhymes and does a little flourish in the air like he's writing with a pen cos poet and nerd] Janis: [when you can't help but lol, even though you're trying to 🙄 is creating #content already and making this meal look #aesthetic and #goals for the 'gram before pushing a plate at him like there you go] Jimmy: [control your 😍 over her cute laugh by acting like that food is so interesting and important] Janis: [but don't control it too hard 'cos cringe couples always take pics of each other eating so get ready for your closeup boy] Jimmy: [that's tea and you know they are seeing/interacting with all this nonsense so you gotta go for it] Janis: [hence you know to stay out the kitchen but you won't, like what you need ladies] Jimmy: [thank god they'd hear them coming so he can be like come sit on my lap for a sec as if that's where she's been the whole time, just not practical, I'd throw food all over you by accident boo] Janis: [again, doing things y'all would never do, and we know you two love this so] Jimmy: [like I'mma just feed you something girl let's see how hard we can trigger Mia] Janis: [how you don't lol, just permanent 😏 like living your best life] Jimmy: [we've only just begun to live] Janis: [classic 'oh you've got something here-' and shamelessly caressing his face] Jimmy: [shameless makeout sesh ensues because if you stay now gals you're the ones making it weird] Janis: [clearly overstaying your welcome for slightly too long before making a comment and running off giggling like you're 12] Jimmy: [let you go 🚬 once they're gone boy cos longest uber ride ever] Janis: [truly, the struggle is so real, wait 'til we make you go on the bus that goes all 'round the houses lol] Jimmy: [hasn't invited her cos we back to being rude obvs] Janis: [so charming lol, on the sofa like 😒] Jimmy: [when you're ages and we know it's because you always need all the moments after kissing her] Janis: you want me to pay for 🚬 or what Jimmy: Save the flex for one that's more #relatable to the fans Janis: I asked if you'd got 'em, could've warned me if I weren't getting none, like Jimmy: Come here Janis: You can save it for me Janis: take breaks in shifts Janis: professional Jimmy: Alright Janis: 👌 Janis: soz, btw Jimmy: For what? Janis: not brushing my teeth Janis: know its a big pet peeve Jimmy: used to how minging you are by now, Josephine Janis: if you gave some warning Janis: face hugger Jimmy: soz I can't always hear 💀👑's bones creaking, bit deaf, me Jimmy: might be the one ear Jimmy: and anyway it depends Janis: It's romantic, you wanna be a great artiste, don't you Janis: and what does it depend on then Jimmy: Why would I wanna be owt of the sort? Jimmy: It depends what lads you've had round before me, what else? Janis: get bitches get money Janis: obvs Janis: I was talking about being mid-dinner, don't act like you didn't know Jimmy: 👌 Janis: will ask about getting that revolving door installed though Janis: tah for the reminder Jimmy: Gracie'll be 👍 when you do Janis: yeah Janis: whole house full of slags, like Jimmy: you do live in the middle of nowt, gotta have something to do Janis: decent excuse Jimmy: only so much horse riding even a rich girl can do Janis: one in the same if you're that kind of rich girl Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: obvs Janis: have to have one to pay for the other Janis: basic maths Jimmy: Alright 🤓 Janis: giving you 💰 tips for nothing here Jimmy: can't take it with me Janis: why not Jimmy: What do you mean? Jimmy: I reckon hell's got a free bar in the very least Janis: Optimistic Janis: I've at least heard that passage, like Janis: you'd be so lucky Jimmy: if you want the pessimistic angle, it'll rot in the ground Jimmy: got that covered Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: [comes back in cos can't be out there forever] Janis: [puts hand out like gimme 'cos obvs you need to leave immediately] Jimmy: [does but also gives her look like bit rude] Janis: [a look like you started it but still saying thanks, not a heathen] Jimmy: [chucks her his jacket/hoodie or whatever even though it's april] Janis: ['good thinking' as she walks out the door] Jimmy: [drink your gin boy] Janis: [clearly taking a cute selfie in that, minus cigarette] Jimmy: [be extra fake to hide how good you think she actually looks please] Janis: [ah the fakery of it all this is fine lollol] Jimmy: [I'm gonna give her a bit then have him come out like he DESPERATELY needs something from his pocket suddenly 1. what even would that be boy 2. no you don't 3. you also don't need to be so hot about it like reaching over her and all that jazz] Janis: [just a LOOK] Jimmy: [when your plan was to just walk away but of course you have to give her a look back] Janis: [offering out the 🚬 like he didn't just have his own, but then doing the sexy blowback moment when he's like okay] Jimmy: [he's just dying now, aren't we all, like didn't expect that did you bitch] Janis: [definition of 😏] Jimmy: [walk away Jimothy you're in too deep] Jimmy: [but I like to imagine he walks into one of the flat whites when he's all flustered, feed that narrative even by accident lads] Janis: [joy of joys, poor boy lol] Janis: you can pick a film Janis: one you might actually wanna watch then one to switch back to Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: 👍 Janis: Brb, I'll go pretend to do what girls do Janis: [comes in but goes upstairs] Jimmy: [we all know he's watching her go, boy be careful] Janis: [we all throwing all the glances like this ain't a dangerous game] Jimmy: [take the time she's upstairs to calm down please and thank you sir] Janis: [we out here brushing out teeth obvs] Jimmy: [so soz Janis but at least being in there can give you the idea for bathgate] Janis: [🔥💡] Jimmy: [what could possibly go wrong like] Janis: [hohahaha] Jimmy: [sending her some of his fave comments from what they've posted so far cos shady bitch] Janis: [likewise 'cos likewise] Janis: wish Dan would comment though Janis: what's he up to Jimmy: 💔💔 Hang on Jimmy: [has a stalk and likewise sends her his fave things he finds] Janis: awh Janis: what a man Jimmy: that his missus? Jimmy: 🔪🔪 Janis: so jealous Janis: learn to be fake happy Jimmy: in a bit, gotta go arrange a 🥇 threesome Jimmy: be really happy after Janis: wait 'til you're off the clock Janis: do whatever you want then Jimmy: UGH Janis: it's mutual Jimmy: 🤞 that's what Dan's girlfriend'll say Janis: she's dating Dan Janis: her lack of sense and taste is obvious and in your favour, congrats Jimmy: I KNOW HE'S SOOOOOOOO 🥇👑😍🏆💪 Jimmy: tah for the #hype babes Jimmy: I reckon now I can 🎯 Janis: [comes down like let's get this over with] Jimmy: [puts on whatever he can bear to watch cos even the flat whites ain't gonna appear that quick] Janis: [and sitting as far apart as you can without it being impossible to be all over each other in 5 secs when needed] Jimmy: [does top up her drink for her though cos isn't as rude as he pretends to be] Janis: [cheers and drinks that too fast] Jimmy: [he's gone the other way and barely touched his because he's like I'm clearly too drunk rn after what happened with the blowbacks] Janis: [ah the confusion and awkwardness] Jimmy: [just on his phone even though he should wanna watch this since he picked it lol] Janis: [getting herself more drink that isn't gin] Jimmy: [wise move babe] Janis: [although mixing perhaps isn't, but rude like that and it isn't as if you've hung with anyone in time now nevermind the clusterfuck of what is this] Jimmy: [Christ knows what he had to drink before he got here so likewise a dickhead and likewise antisocial we know] Janis: [can't leave this forever though have some of 'em run through like we need drinks or whatever they're coming up with, so you gotta low-key launch yourself at him and get into some kind of snuggle position like oh hey but also not hey, only 😍 for him soz] Jimmy: [he changed it to a rom-com cos good reflexes though] Janis: [offering them the gin like I'm such a nice person and I'm so good here 'cos that'll piss Mia off] Jimmy: [when you have to snuggle her extra hard cos you're trying not to lol] Janis: [tickling him 'cos PDA comes in so many forms why are you just watching this lmao] Jimmy: [when he'd be so mad about it but all he can do rn is playfight cos gotta be 😍] Janis: [when you know it so now you're loling too with secret 😏 that only he gonna pick up on] Jimmy: [gotta exploit wherever she's most ticklish like 😏] Janis: [regrets, you have none, even though you're dying] Jimmy: [just having fun working out all the bae's ticklish places like this is so casual] Janis: [all 'oh my god, stop' in that fake ass don't stop way] Jimmy: ['make me' cos we all know what that means haha] Janis: [mmmmmakeout time, take your cue to leave] Jimmy: [when you're so into it you don't notice that they've left for a bit] Janis: [always think that like how you breaking this up just like, anyway] Jimmy: [honestly forever going 0-1000 and back again like this is fine] Janis: [no wonder you going cray] Jimmy: [literally, unrelated but did Mia take that gin or nah? lol] Janis: [I feel like Asia took it like yay and Mia will tell her off lmao] Jimmy: [that's real af so I second it and Grace is gonna drink it cos they are doing her head in] Janis: [when you need to get drunk to enjoy your friend's company, happy days] Jimmy: [when your friends are so obsessed with your sister and her man though] Janis: [soz it's a moment babe] Jimmy: [just you wait til bathgate gals] Janis: [oh lordy] Janis: what else do girls like them like then Janis: 'cos you got to admit, it's a laugh getting to 'em and winding them up Jimmy: [a really cute concentration face while he's thinking] Jimmy: Facemasks? Janis: [hiding your 😍 by pulling a pisstakey face] Janis: alright, but I ain't putting any of the weird shit on they do Janis: especially if I end up looking as rough as them Jimmy: Hang on, I'll go ask Gracie if she's got any of those bollocks sheet ones everyone 📷 themselves in Jimmy: What animal do you wanna be? Janis: 🤔 are you serious Jimmy: 🙀 it is then? Alright, I'll ask Jimmy: [Gets up and heads towards the stairs] Janis: you don't even know what room is hers Jimmy: I'll follow the 😱😱😱 Jimmy: [and is] Janis: your ⚰ Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: I'll chill here and ponder my inevitable grief-fuelled suicide Jimmy: hot Janis: soz you won't be around to 👀 Jimmy: 👻 Janis: a 👻 with a threesome to plan Jimmy: I won't be able to touch nowt so I might as well 👀 you 🔪⚰ Janis: love being 2nd choice Janis: 😏 Jimmy: Dan's missus is 🥈 you're 🥉 my dear Janis: fuck off and hurry up Jimmy: [Comes back with the masks like 😏 and of course puts hers on her even though she easily could herself but gotta have that whole MOMENT of him getting her hair out of the way first cos shamelessly loves touching it] Janis: [when this is somehow more intimate than anything you've done so far so you're like where do I put my eyes] Jimmy: [they're really sticky though and he isn't expecting it so he's like wtf and grossed out but then amused at himself and it's so cute bye] Janis: [yeah they're gross she's probably horrified so that'll break the tension just like what the fuck but lol too] Jimmy: [he's genuinely smiling and loling for the first time since god knows when] Janis: [when he's so cute you have to slap this ridiculous on his face fast] Jimmy: [what animals should they be? I think he should be a 🐼 cos lol] Janis: [that's a popular one, we can say there was a 🐱 'cos why not] Jimmy: [yass take your nerdy selfies lads] Janis: [when they'd still look cute too, arseholes] Jimmy: [I'm as fuming about that as Grace would be that he came to her room when she's been hiding all night] Janis: [things are only gonna get worse soz gurl] Janis: this is a great poker face Janis: [says something #shocking and ridiculous with the dead face it gives you to prove the point] Jimmy: [when you lol and yours slips cos they do and they are crap but you take it off and throw it at her anyway cos it's wet and gross and you hate it] Jimmy: decent weapon an' all Janis: [throwing it right back like excuse me] Janis: you're a child Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: if you wanna go home, phones over there, baby Janis: [throws the masks in the direction of like an animal] Jimmy: [moves like he's gonna get up and go but nudges her playfully instead like what's next] Janis: [ponders seriously] Janis: I need to get this gunk off me Janis: [pulls him up like follow me, does not need to be hand-holding but are going upstairs so you know, just in case] Jimmy: [love it and so does he] Janis: [I say get in that bathroom] Jimmy: [gets in the bath like he did at the party just watching her sort her face out] Janis: [looking at him via the mirror like what are you doing but amused not annoyed] Jimmy: [hits her with a 'What?' like he's not shamelessly looking at her] Janis: [nods like 'you want me to run that or?'] Jimmy: [just reclining in there like a nerd and shrugs] Janis: [shakes her head and comes over, acts like she's leaning over to turn the shower on, but doesn't and instead gets in the other end like, see why you like it so much] Jimmy: [does a hand movement like he's splashing her with imaginary water cos oi] Janis: ['nerd' 😏 but reclining and putting her feet in her lap like don't mind me] Janis: his* Jimmy: [just being soft instead doing the this little pig went to market thing to her toes quietly like it's meant to be under his breath but it's not his own funny version probably cos he is a nerd] Janis: [just letting this be even though being soft freaks you the fuck out on the low 'you're so weird, new kid' under her own but nudging him just in case he's forgotten that that's a ref and not a massive drag] Jimmy: [shakes his head like ah good times cos he obvs remembers 'feels like ages ago that'] Janis: ['yeah' and pausing 'cos truly, so much going down in such a short space of time 'didn't think you'd still be here- not in my bath, like'] Jimmy: [nods cos same] Janis: [when you feel the mood shift so you're like away from that topic 'we'll always have the playlist'] Jimmy: [he obvs puts it on cos that bitch but quietly so Mia and Co don't hear it over their music or film or whatever and judge] Janis: [just like what kinda mood music lol, just grooving lowkey 'well worth the A'] Jimmy: [😍 cos I can't stop him if she's gonna be that much of a babe] Janis: [hitting him back with a 'what?' but in a challenging kinda way] Jimmy: [getting out of the tub like he's just remembered he's still got that mask residue on his face which true but like you don't have to literally deal with it this second] Janis: [just stretching out and back, closing her eyes] Jimmy: [taking his t-shirt off cos he said he'd get his tits out and also it means he can throw it at her playfully before washing his face] Janis: [shook and then 😠 'it stinks' and throwing it back like okay it so clearly doesn't babe] Jimmy: [😏 to hide the fact you're lowkey worried that you do smell like oh no and because you're awks and you don't want her to know, pulling her up to sit on the edge of the bath so you can take a selfie kissing her whilst topless for the fans because that's as far as your contribution to bathgate has got so far] Jimmy: [but then you stop to make sure the bath looks aesthetic and generally faff like she did with the food earlier so excuse to go again for the re-do] Janis: [taking it and reposting it on your story with 😍 over his nips] Jimmy: [🙄 even though you're actually amused cos can't let that show] Janis: ['you wanna be x-rated?' at the 🙄] Jimmy: [Gives her a look like well that depends what you mean even though he knows she ain't suggesting they get x-rated 'cause cheeky like that] Janis: [winks but then gets off of the edge of the bath, going through wherever all the bath lotions and potions are kept 'run it hot, lover boy'] Jimmy: [raises an eyebrow but obviously does and draws the infamous love heart with JJ inside in the steam on the mirror] Janis: [bringing over an armful of shit and picking a bottle and pouring a stupid amount in, looking at him like, fill your boots] Jimmy: [when you have fun putting loads of shit in like when you're a kid and you make potions] Janis: [Grace gon' be fuming again, so soz but not really, when there's an aesthetic amount of bubbles and colour going on, taking a deep breath and hoping you did that quiet enough as you take your clothes off like in we get] Jimmy: [puts loud music on so you can pretend you're busy with that not 👀 at her] Janis: [at least there's sooo many bubbles to artfully place lol this is fine this is normal] Jimmy: [when you wanna be like are you sure because you're a soft good boy but you also don't wanna ask because it's gotta be all so fake and you don't care so you're just lowkey taking an age outside that tub pretending it's because you're getting the lighting and angles right and bollocks like that] Janis: [just letting him 'cos not trying to be a pushy bitch but also like, well I've done it now boy so 'you can leave your pants on' but in a tone of, again, I haven't so] Jimmy: [well we know he won't and doesn't cos there's a challenge there and they are always accepted] Janis: [when you don't wanna 👀 but also don't wanna make a massive point of turning away 'cos that's not chill and idgaf attitude so you focus on looking at his face and then instantly regret that 'cos eye contact like oh, we doing this] Jimmy: [such intense eye contact being maintained like okay we just eye fucking rn this is fine] Janis: [when anything and everything you could possibly say rn sounds like double entendre, like is it hot enough for you etc, so you just settle for 'okay?'] Jimmy: [can only nod because likewise can't trust himself to speak atm] Janis: [taking a picture of the bath setup to be like #boydonegood about it but you know you're just buying time before the actual show of it all] Jimmy: [letting that happen because not gonna be a dick about it] Janis: ['you're the photographer, how do we get the best shot?'] Jimmy: [you move boy because we don't need to force her to and have a bubble nip slip when we've only just begun but like obvs position her however you do need to because we're obvs taking this very seriously here and the cute concentration face is back] Janis: [just shamelessly watching him work, but definitely moving closer than he positioned you like is this okay, testing those limits honey] Jimmy: [just says 'Alright' like are you asking her as a question or are you saying you are or are you like we're ready, what's the truth Jimothy] Janis: ['is it?'] Jimmy: ['isn't it?' Boy you're so annoying] Janis: [splashes him, using the water to mess up his hair appropriately 'just take the photo then'] Jimmy: [when you're gonna be like 😒 oi but that's actually a good idea when it clicks what she's doing and you take the shameless excuse to be like 'hang on' and run your wet hands through her hair too and we all see you taking your time with that] Janis: [just not breathing 'til he's done 'how do we look?' and a LOOK 'cos you can see how he looks] Jimmy: ['you look-' only breaking that LOOK to stare at her lips honey 'goals, obvs' eventually gets said because focus boy but it's so not what he was gonna say goodbye] Janis: [when you're so frustrated the 'come on then' comes out so easily] Jimmy: [taking so many pics from so many different angles and kissing her in so many different ways like do you need to be this extra, the answer is no but also yes] Janis: [when you're going in, like you're ever uploading more than one of these each like yes, we need all these options] Jimmy: [like we all know at certain points the camera ain't even taking pics but they haven't noticed/ do not care] Janis: [we all know with the amount of shit you put in its gonna be slippery as hell so gonna allow you to legit slip further onto him without it being a shameless oopsies moment] Jimmy: [add to that how good it would feel to not just be stopping and starting like you've had to all night #dangerous] Janis: [when the pretense of making noise for them is so thin at this point like okay] Jimmy: [regretting putting that loud music on now aren't you boy because yeah good luck not making all the sounds ever rn that only she can hear] Janis: [we know no one is stopping to turn it down rn] Jimmy: [they wouldn't stop if the bath fell through the ceiling rn lol] Janis: [true that, just gently pulling him down so he's laying on her like are you even in frame] Jimmy: [we know he's not and nobody's bothered god bless] Janis: [how far are we letting this go/how do we stop 'em lol] Jimmy: [that's what I'm thinking cos like someone could knock on the bathroom door like excuse you but that might just encourage them more depending on who they think it is] Jimmy: [maybe one of them actually could slip because actually perilous?] Janis: [orrr what if they didn't actually lock the door 'cos when you're faking it'd be bants if they walked in but now it ain't so you'll both be mad] Jimmy: [AMAZING we simply must] Janis: [💀#2 enter] Jimmy: [when you literally can't get out of that bath regardless of what happens because too turned on and even if you grab a towel that's not really gonna hide anything so you're just like ...........] Janis: [at least you can take the lead like get the fuck out bitch Jimmy: [he'd be actually shook though cos like this early on there's a part of him that still doesn't realise how far the flat whites are willing to take shit but then oh hey girl] Janis: [they're just so immature truly, like when Liv was like WE'RE NOT IN YEAR 11 ANYMORE' to Mini lmao like y'all are but still, we're mature laydeez now] Jimmy: [honestly, Grace and Janis would have a reason to be stuck cos their sister died when they were 12, what's y'alls] Janis: [#eatingdisordersquad Jimmy: [And Mia's weird daddy's girl energy ew] Janis: [this is why y'all are only friends with each other, lordy] Jimmy: [I'm intrigued to know what Ava thinks because she didn't exist before and like] Janis: [she'd think they were really tragic and cringe but it's not like she has to hang with them longer than the odd event like Grace's bdays so she wouldn't be like umm your friends] Jimmy: [poor Grace in a toxic relationship with someone for a decade that she doesn't even get to bang] Janis: [come get your toxic friend 'fore she get drowned lmao] Jimmy: [you know Mia would cos can't resist] Janis: [well that's that ruined, just getting out towels and taking one so he can get dried in some semblance of privacy, like] Jimmy: [the levels of fuming] Janis: [some time] Janis: my room is upstairs again Jimmy: 👌 Janis: but if you wanna go Janis: get that Jimmy: And let 💀👑 win? Piss off Jimmy: You're the 🙀 Janis: How am I Jimmy: You scare easily, we worked that out ages ago Janis: Bollocks, you take the piss and have done for ages Jimmy: How do I? Janis: not scared of anything Janis: least of all 💀s Jimmy: Easy to 🗨 Janis: Not as easy to live Janis: but I manage Jimmy: Can you manage to think of owt that'll pay her back or what? Jimmy: You said they'll crash before us Janis: I'm thinking Janis: sure could make her piss herself or shave off her eyebrows but not 12 and it needs to be something better Jimmy: Duh Janis: Clearly not that duh Janis: can't blame 'em for lacking the mental capacities I guess but still will Jimmy: Can't think of nowt when you're starving to 💀💀💀 Jimmy: #relatable Janis: you're thinking of your stomach rn Jimmy: Yeah? Janis: so fat Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: convention down the hall, go learn some tips Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Hope you're dressed this time Jimmy: They don't so I obvs am Janis: Exactly Janis: probably time for more desperate measures Janis: restraining orders all 'round Jimmy: When should I date yours for, Jules? Jimmy: About a week from now or? Janis: Suits me Janis: works both ways Jimmy: 👍 Janis: where are you actually Janis: it's sinister creepin' about like a 👻 Jimmy: ? Janis: I like to know where everyone is Janis: know where to avoid Janis: don't need repeats Jimmy: I'm outside Jimmy: Avoid the 🚬☁ Janis: Will do Janis: add it to the score I'm keeping though Jimmy: Or just keep up Janis: I'm avoiding your secondhand smoke Janis: put it behind your ear, I'll find it Jimmy: Like I said 🙀 you Jimmy: And you're meant to inhale not bite down Jimmy: so I probably won't put it there Janis: Now who's the pussy Janis: and you told me to Janis: not standing the opposite end of the garden like an overgrown gnome Jimmy: still you then Jimmy: dark's nowt to be scared of, babe Janis: stop saying I'm scared, dickhead Janis: I'm just not a smoker Jimmy: since when, dickhead? Janis: since forever Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: I'm a convincing fake, I know Janis: nothing real about me, remember? Jimmy: 🙄👏🏆 Janis: not that impressive a quote, honestly Janis: you've said better Jimmy: You've done better Janis: 💔 Janis: so sorry Jimmy: I'll be here with the orchestra lads Jimmy: [sends her a little vid of him doing a 🎻 mime] Janis: 🙄😏 Janis: keep that one between us Janis: dunno what that'd imply about the last post but nothing good Jimmy: ❌ my 💘 Janis: deflate your ego more like Janis: can't have you walking 'round like pinhead Jimmy: What ego? Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: Fake dating you, aren't I? Janis: Yeah Janis: you're so lucky Jimmy: Desperate more like Janis: That's obvious Jimmy: Gotta keep it #goals baby Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: can't get enough ever, me Janis: Already said you're fat Janis: preferences in common with them is no surprise to me Jimmy: actually 💔 Jimmy: will have to go home for a 😭😭 Janis: Enjoy Janis: 👋 Jimmy: Enjoy your 🚬 oh wait nah Jimmy: Enjoy the IOU Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: Like you're the only boy with bad habits and a lighter Jimmy: Cavemen invented 🔥 so you'll be grand 🍀 girl Jimmy: if you 🍑📞 party boy now I can kick his uber soon as he gets out, job done Janis: I wanna be disappointed twice in one day like you wanna hang 'round this place Jimmy: so crack on Janis: Funny Jimmy: the joke is I'm still waiting for you to think up a proper idea to piss off them lot Jimmy: sort it out Janis: night's still young Janis: and where's your idea Jimmy: I get it, I look half decent for 45, stop flirting with me and concentrate Janis: What ego? Jimmy: 😏 Janis: I don't know Janis: the problem is everything pisses them off Janis: Grace cries at the drop of a hat, for fuck's sake Janis: it's too easy Jimmy: Alright, what if we give 'em something they really want instead Janis: Self-esteem and good hair? Jimmy: Something they reckon they want but they don't want from us Jimmy: Your gin trick but amplified Jimmy: 💀💀💀 with 💕 Janis: I see what you're saying Janis: bit too soon to hand out invites to the fake wedding Janis: but if you can stomach it, we can give them the attention they're after Jimmy: 🥇 me Jimmy: Nowt I can't handle Jimmy: Or stomach 'cause I'm obvs such a fat git Janis: if the XXL fits Janis: right, let's go invite ourselves to the sleepover, then 🤢 Jimmy: But it looks better on you, girl 💕 Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: you just wanna get your tits out again Jimmy: for you 😘 Janis: I'm sure I won't be able to keep my hands off you, covered titties and company be damned Jimmy: Hang on Jimmy: What if this backfires? Jimmy: might reckon I'm bored of you and wanna swap you for my truest love Jimmy: bit too real that Janis: You'll have to resist flirting with them, obviously Janis: but you aren't any good at it so I doubt that'll be an issue Janis: just try not to embarrass yourself Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I'm just saying if we're so 💕😍😘 why are we getting involved in their bollocks? Janis: Because, I'm such a nice person, and we're so sorry and so embarrassed about earlier? Jimmy: make it at least make fake sense, Jasmine Jimmy: But alright Janis: I don't wanna fuck any of them Janis: sorry 'bout it Janis: I don't know how else you reckon we can 💀💀💀 with 💕 Janis: soz you think you saw us fucking gift baskets Jimmy: Alright, shut up, I might be overthinking it Jimmy: Soz I'm proper 🧠 Janis: What was that about fake sense? Jimmy: What was that about you doing shit 'cause I told you to? Jimmy: 🤐 mate Janis: That's only when I wanted to do the thing anyway Janis: great at giving me excuses, you Jimmy: You wanna have a lovely chat with 'em all then, do you? Jimmy: Sound Janis: suit you if I did Janis: any excuse to ruin their night Jimmy: Suit me if we didn't have to do any talking Jimmy: I'm that romantic, obvs Janis: Done that part Janis: and you were given an out so you've got no room to complain Jimmy: Where and when was I? Janis: I've literally told you to piss off three times Jimmy: And I've told you I ain't letting 💀👑 reckon she scared me off Jimmy: Or reckon I just leave after we're done like every lad she hasn't 🐍 Janis: Alright, your choice Janis: why do you wanna look like an 😇 Jimmy: Why do you want me to look like a twat? Janis: It doesn't make you seem like a twat Jimmy: It makes it seem like a 🍑📞 that ain't what this is Janis: Obviously not Janis: we are love's young dream 🙄 Janis: my parents are only on a date night themselves though so we're gonna have to get in my room and hide you sooner rather than later Jimmy: If you want me to go, say that Janis: I don't care what you do Janis: I'm stuck regardless Janis: just saying, it's a rule, you said that Jimmy: What it is is a 🥇 excuse not to make the 💀💀💀 with 💕 a well slow death Janis: Come on then Janis: mercy kill it is Jimmy: [Appears like the 👻 he is] Janis: [avoiding eye contact like it's your job, just a nod like alright and making your way to Grace's room] Jimmy: [pulling her back like hold my hand bitch] Janis: [Clove has entered the chat, also Winnie] Jimmy: [don't think about how he'd look in whatever he packed to wear to sleep] Janis: [don't you think about it ladies, low-key giving 'em evils even though you gotta be nice Jimmy: [I'm loling because Mia would want to tell them to fuck off cos fuming he's still here but what Grace says goes because it's her house bitch and we know she loves Janis more than you so] Janis: [when you're tipsy and just happy they're here to save your night 'cos your friends have just been talking about 'em and boring you lol] Jimmy: [honestly] Jimmy: [they should be painting their nails because ofc and Grace be like offering to do Janis' cos ILY and Jimmy's like I'll do it cos that's the kind of pinterest bullshit but like he'd obvs do a good job cos artsy hoe and pick a colour she actually fucks with] Janis: [just prolonging hand-holding, we all see you boy] Jimmy: [return of the adorable concentration face] Janis: [we love to see it, when we're sneaking peeps] Jimmy: [Grace putting it on her story to do the work for you lads, Mia be raging] Janis: [hohaha, also blatantly gotta paint his 🖤] Jimmy: [Asia offering him the dregs of the gin back but he's like 'I'm alright' and 😍 at Janis cos so #nice and #lovedup bye] Janis: [smuggest happy face] Jimmy: [a little kiss that you so don't need to give her] Janis: [all pouting like you didn't gatecrash their night] Jimmy: [soz Grace you've done nothing wrong tonight but your friends suck] Janis: [we all know she's having more fun now like soz we're just doing this to piss 'em off] Jimmy: [nothing could ever piss Mia off more than how obvs it is that Grace would rather hang out with JJ so thanks babe] Janis: [doing us a solid] Jimmy: [what other cringe activities can we make coupley af?] Janis: [we could play some kind of game, as they are that childish, idk what] Jimmy: [Mia could suggest like never have I ever or something to that effect cos they're all hoes and they think Janis is such a virgin so she wants to show her up] Janis: [that's a good idea, and they could keep saying really mushy romantic things like #awh 'cos that'll really piss her off] Jimmy: [turn it around on her cos you've never had a bf have you babe so] Janis: [awkwar silence descends lmao] Jimmy: [soz again Grace] Janis: [Asia got her man god bless] Jimmy: [Grace would so end up going off to the bathroom or wherever upset so Mia would be buzzing] Janis: 😬 Janis: she doesn't have feelings to hurt Jimmy: You should go after her before 💀👑 does Jimmy: proper 😇 Janis: Ugh Janis: pains me that you're right Janis: on so many levels Janis: [goes] Jimmy: oughta be used to it by now, mate Janis: 1. ha Janis: 2. it's more about how badly I don't want to console her than it is about admitting you've ever had a good idea Janis: 3. massive headed twat Jimmy: Duh Jimmy: And I miss you already too Janis: you can run down a single flight of stairs and not get winded, yeah Janis: should you need to 🔪🔪🔪🔪 Jimmy: Is the 🔪 in my back or nah? Janis: I dunno where they'll wanna stick it first, babe Jimmy: hot Janis: if you say so Jimmy: I've still got a 💀💀💀 wish, baby, where's yours gone? Janis: you clearly don't get how much it kills me being nice to my sister Jimmy: I never said owt about being nice Jimmy: 💀👑 wouldn't be if she'd taken the job off you Janis: I'm not gonna give her a pep talk about how more dick the better either, tah Jimmy: Get your boyfriend on the line, he'll be up for having a go Janis: You're very helpful Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: Be why Asia's asking me how to make her lad more #goals Janis: She's shameless Janis: sadly don't have his # either or I'd dob her in Jimmy: @ [whatever his actual socials are idk because of course he knows that the shady bitch] Janis: 😂 okay gossip girl Jimmy: xoxo Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll anon it at him Janis: as I've got a rep as such a nice person Jimmy: 👍 Janis: oh Janis: he's unfortunate looking Jimmy: Did you think he'd be more 🤴 than 🐸? Jimmy: Come on Janis: 🐸 is generous Janis: tadpole, like Janis: I thought he'd at least have to be fit Janis: if she was airing you Jimmy: Piss off Janis: SHE 👏 HAS 👏 A 👏 BOYFRIEND 👏 Jimmy: I hate you Janis: Yeah yeah Jimmy: come back Janis: they're being that bad huh Jimmy: whatever you wanna call trying to dance with me, that'll do Janis: how horrific Janis: pick up your phone Janis: [calling him so they can hear being like 'we need your help to carry this' 'cos gone to make hot chocolates to cheer her] Jimmy: [a coupley af phone moment because those couples who stay on the phone til he's literally a step away from her] Janis: [nerds] Jimmy: [gives Mia the biggest mug like fuck you] Janis: [definitely put loads of baileys in and cream the whole works like drink up bitch] Jimmy: [chin chin gals] Janis: [sipping like 😏 getting cream moustaches then smooching 'em off, disgusting] Jimmy: [also they should dance cos he refused to dance with y'all] Janis: [obvs] Jimmy: [her like nah so he can be like oh please I really wanna, just to really annoy them] Janis: ['cos real also what a mental image like are you all gonna watch or are you gonna dance with each other like what's going on gals] Jimmy: [gaaaaaaaay] Janis: [just bopping sadly alone with your hot chocolate, amusement] Jimmy: [we all know Jimothy just wants to pick her up again so] Janis: [please 'fall' down onto the bed like whoops what are we like] Jimmy: [100%] Janis: [Mia's eyes boutta pop out] Jimmy: [Also Asia should 100% get a call from her man rn] Jimmy: [Jimmy trying not to cackle] Janis: [just biting your tongue so hard] Janis: 🙈 Jimmy: we need to go Janis: you don't wanna witness the downfall of your nemesis? Janis: I can always tickle you again Jimmy: You can try 💪 Janis: [does 'cos being that annoying like soz you're on the phone we're just so 😍] Jimmy: [lets it happen because he needs to lol and NO other reason NOPE] Janis: [try not to cackle lads] Jimmy: [HAS TO kiss her so he doesn't again no other reason so] Janis: [definitely not actually enjoying that, definitely doesn't have to stop it kinda abruptly 'cos will get carried away, no] Jimmy: [when you're like ? but you can't say or do anything because that audience but then 💡 you quickly trace an o and a k on her with a question mark sneakily like because I love when he does that] Janis: [just squeezing his hand like a yeah but drawing a 😒 face] Jimmy: [a genuine smile even though he should also be 😒] Janis: [I think Asia should run out to talk with her mans then come in crying so they can leave lol] Jimmy: [#mood] Janis: [ended that relationship whoops, run and lol run and lol] Jimmy: [don't be too happy tho boy you don't want her to think you actually wanna get with Asia] Janis: [she's gonna be on you harder than ever boy, oh my, like new boy guess what, god bless] Jimmy: [oh lord imagine] Janis: [at least she's not 💀👑 levels of snek, just dumb and tragic] Jimmy: [lowkey reminds him of his ex not in a 😍 way lol] Janis: [oh dear, getting to where the stairs are like 'lounge or my room?'] Jimmy: [shrug because can't answer a question] Janis: [nudges him like make a decision, boy] Jimmy: [nudges her back like no you] Janis: [looks at her non-existent watch and then pulls him up the stairs to her room] Jimmy: [off you go lads] Janis: [like cali could be home at any moment but not really #shameless] Jimmy: [you two and your flimsy excuses, love it] Janis: [is this the first time in her room?] Jimmy: [yeah because the other first time we did is when they actually hook up if memory serves so way after this] Janis: [enjoy that, boy] Jimmy: [we know his is no better and he can't judge] Janis: [at least there's shit still there from when you cared, shrugs and gestures 'round just like put some music on, do what you want] Jimmy: [👀 around like he's a nosy bitch but actually just doesn't know what to do with himself] Janis: ['you found plenty to fake do down there' 😏 but masking that you are awks too] Jimmy: [gets a pen and paper and starts doodling giving her a look like you happy now? all 😏 cos so awks] Janis: [sticks her tongue out at him, laying down and scrolling her phone 'cos we know it's popping off from #bathgate] Jimmy: [throws a paper airplane at her] Janis: ['excuse me?' sitting up, resting on her elbows like so #shook 'I'm checking we're still relevant, can I help you?'] Jimmy: [gives her a look cos they both know there's no need to check and it's all happening rn like my boo said] Janis: [mimes his head blowing up bigger and bigger then exploding, we all know she was just looking at the pictures again shh] Jimmy: [mimes a gun to his head then a dramatic fake death] Janis: [crawls over to where he is like she's gonna lick up the blood] Jimmy: [does a 🕆 with his fingers cos she such a vampire] Janis: [mimes a hiss like how dare you] Jimmy: [sets up a game of hangman on the paper and pushes it over to her] Janis: [😏 and writes down 'I?'] Jimmy: [---- -I-- - -I-- I -I-] Janis: ['E'] Jimmy: [---- -I-- - -I-- I -IE] Janis: ['D' 'cos got your number boy] Jimmy: [---- -I-- - -I-- I DIE] Janis: [lols 'L'] Jimmy: [what bit do you draw first when there isn't I've forgotten] Janis: [the pole that goes up] Janis: [pouts 'S'] Jimmy: [---S -I-- - -ISS I DIE] Janis: ['K' 'cos also got your number and a LOOK] Jimmy: [---S -I-- - KISS I DIE and blowing her a kiss IRL like we gotta keep this sassy and light] Janis: [buzzing 'cos you gonna win lol 'A'] Jimmy: [---S -I-- A KISS I DIE] Janis: ['T'] Jimmy: [T--S -IT- A KISS I DIE] Janis: [fills in the rest because now obvious 'THUS WITH A KISS I DIE' 😏 and also hanging the stickman still and making him look like him with shades and floppy hair and a leather jacket] Jimmy: [draws a stick person her crying but also a vicar and they've both got rings on and there's confetti and she's wearing a wedding veil etc cos throwback to the easter rising when she married that dude] Janis: [draws a union jack flag in the vicar's hand, then a knife in his 💘 and then draws a vial under her tears with ☠ and 'POISON' on the label] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [adds vampire fangs to herself and two little holes on his hanged neck like excuse me thank you] Jimmy: [little lol] Janis: [lays back down 'what else do you wanna play?'] Jimmy: [lies down too LOOKING at her 'What do you wanna play?'] Janis: [stops breathing for a sec, bye but turns it into serious thinking face] Jimmy: [just staring at her, waiting but like why you gotta be so hot doing that boy] Janis: ['don't have any new games' casting her eyes over to whatever the last console she got was before she stopped giving a shit about everything 'you can talk about girls for-' invisible watch again '-five minutes, if you wanna, northern boy'] Jimmy: [talks about how much he hates Mia for a 5 minute rant lol, lying down staring up at the ceiling] Janis: [when you're so 😍 unironically thank god he's not looking] Jimmy: [nudges her when he's done like it's your go] Janis: [quick snap into a 😏 'you stole my bitch' and nudging him back then turning her eyes to the ceiling and talking about Grace instead] Jimmy: [takes his turn to talk about 💀#2 because still fuming about bathgate not that he's gonna rant about that, be careful please] Janis: [just nodding like mhmm preach then takes her turn to talk about Asia but like, try not to mention you're potentially jealous of her 'cos he might like her] Jimmy: [throws something at her like he's so offended she's slagging off his bae] Janis: ['so chivalrous!' 'cos he hit her with whatever she's now gonna hit him back with, let us assume a pillow fight for the cliche] Jimmy: [yas we need that shameless flirty MOMENT] Janis: [doing it, pinning him and tickling him like 'admit you love Asia'] Jimmy: [when you just flip reverse it 💪 so you're doing the same to her 'admit you're jealous of our true love'] Janis: [getting out a 'never!' between your lols] Jimmy: [opening and closing his mouth cos was blatantly gonna say something but then aborted mission] Janis: [reaching up and opening and closing his mouth yourself a few times like a 🐟 'catching flies, Taylor?'] Jimmy: [just sniffing her dramatically like 🤔 and giving her a look like you're not that bad] Janis: [punches his arm but vaguely affectionately lol 'how could either of us stink after that bath full of shit'] Jimmy: ['answered your own question there'] Janis: ['We smell like unicorn farts and rainbow dreams, obviously, did you not read the labels?] Jimmy: ['Too Northern'] Janis: ['Too distracted' under your breath like who said that] Jimmy: ['What?' Even though he 100% heard] Janis: ['See' and poking him in the chest like, you just proved my point there, not paying attention] Jimmy: [moves her finger down to his stomach shaking his head like he's so hungry and deprived of promised snacks that he can't possibly survive nevermind concentrate] Janis: [🙄 and poking his stomach harder, bit rude, 'come on then fatty' and wriggling out from under him, where she still is btw, gesturing like come on] Jimmy: [when you don't wanna leave this room and risk seeing either flat whites or her parents so you've got such a lil pout on 'shit host, you'] Janis: [a look like really 'lazy and all, chat shit about my rich girl work ethic ever again...' 😏 and goes to forage] Jimmy: [throws the pillow at her as she goes cos so mature] Janis: I'm taking all the good snacks now Jimmy: I'll have 'em off your 💀💀💀 body when you get 🔪🔪 Jimmy: bit of blood ain't gonna hurt nowt Janis: I've turned you Janis: not gay Janis: just vampire Janis: should've had your ear off and ended you there and then Jimmy: brb gotta send that tweet Jimmy: #notgayjustvampire Jimmy: what a read Janis: you would wanna be that couple Janis: not rawring at people with you Jimmy: I've got the fucking 💅 for it Janis: deny that you love it Jimmy: You really want me to throw my 💕 about tonight, eh? Janis: Not calling you a slag Janis: or am I Jimmy: can do Jimmy: be a misread but what ain't with you Janis: Doesn't feel like a #kinkunlocked to me Janis: and you're the one who claims he can't Jimmy: Claim I can't do loads of things but here we are Janis: Total opposite, bighead Janis: so rare you aren't bigging yourself up like the complex is so real Jimmy: you wish Jimmy: I get that it would be easier to fake this if I was more your type but 💔 Janis: You can't say I haven't faked it perfectly Janis: everyone believes it Jimmy: That weren't what I were saying Janis: What were you saying then, elaborate Jimmy: for a start that the locked door ain't the only appeal of a bathroom for your boyfriend Jimmy: 🎻 that every surface weren't mirrored Janis: 🙄 Why do you keep bringing him up Jimmy: Why don't you want me to? Janis: because I don't like thinking about him, never mind talking about him Janis: he's at a lot of parties, I'm sure you'll get a chance to see him again, like calm down Jimmy: It weren't me who wanted to 👀 that dickhead Janis: Me either, obviously Janis: well busy looking at myself, does that suit you? Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: What? Jimmy: What? Janis: What would you like me to say? That I love him? Or even fancy him? 'Cos I don't so I'm not going to just 'cos you need me to, for some reason Jimmy: Why would I need that? Janis: You tell me Jimmy: It's bollocks Janis: Then you can stop bringing him up Jimmy: I can do what I like, tah Janis: Alright, be obsessed with him Janis: I don't have to listen Jimmy: keep being a dickhead Jimmy: you obvs can't help it Janis: 🙄 Janis: good one Janis: I never said I weren't and I've done fuck all wrong Jimmy: 👍 Janis: fuck's sake Jimmy: I'm just gonna go Jimmy: They don't need to know I have Janis: Fine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'll get you a ride Jimmy: It's alright Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: I said it's alright Janis: I got you out here, I can get you back too Jimmy: I can get myself back, I'm in no rush Janis: The buses have stopped coming out this way and you are miles from yours Janis: take the ride Jimmy: Leave it out Janis: Why are you being a dickhead for Jimmy: Me? Jimmy: Yeah, alright Janis: Yeah, you Janis: if you don't want the ride, then use my bed and wait 'til the AM Janis: you'll be left alone Jimmy: I don't want your bed either Janis: then take another one, this house is filled with fucking empty ones Jimmy: that's not creepy Janis: I have siblings that've fucked off Janis: that's all Janis: guest rooms are the reward for having lots of kids Jimmy: bit late for my dad to crack on there but I'll @ him any road Janis: never too late for blokes Jimmy: Northern 40s is rest of the world's 90s Janis: Still Jimmy: Still, he can't keep a bird for any length Jimmy: it's all stacking up Janis: you're gutted, clearly Janis: who doesn't want nine brothers and sisters Jimmy: Love raising his kids for him, me Jimmy: Why not do it a load more times? Got nowt else on Janis: After the 5th you can delegate Janis: your sister is definitely old enough Jimmy: Tah for the insider trading tips Janis: what are friends for Jimmy: Do you want a real or fake answer? Janis: why would you need to fake it Janis: not being wire-tapped here Jimmy: I might be wearing one 👮🚔 Janis: Her word is only law if you've not got the upper body strength or brain function to fight her off Janis: so go ahead Jimmy: You admitting I have? Janis: I'm admitting I'd know if you were working for or with Mia Janis: she's not as smart as she thinks and I'm not a fucking idiot Jimmy: And I ain't got enough upper body strength or brain function for that many jobs Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: You're exhausted just thinking about it Janis: relatable Jimmy: I'm sorry for bringing him up, alright? Janis: Alright Janis: I just don't get it Janis: like yeah it was a dick move but you don't reckon I was punished thoroughly enough or what? Jimmy: it's nowt like that Jimmy: I just Janis: Well it's alright, forget about it Jimmy: maybe I don't get it an' all Janis: Yeah Janis: I get that Jimmy: Do you? Janis: 'course Janis: much as it pains me to admit I don't know everything, like Jimmy: I won't send that tweet Janis: Cheers Jimmy: come back Janis: Okay Janis: [back with the snacks] Jimmy: [going through 'em so you don't have to look at her rn] Janis: ['Jimmy'] Jimmy: [raising his head like ?] Janis: ['I-' and stopping 'just-' and again, before settling on 'don't go and get lost, alright, I'd almost feel bad'] Jimmy: ['alright' and shoving her a controller for whatever console she has so they can play retro games and be competitive about it for a bit] Janis: [a mood] Jimmy: [as is throwing snacks into each other's mouths so simply must] Janis: [all the competitiveness] Jimmy: [speaking of I'm gonna do another hangman cos she guessed that one too fast for his liking, hold onto your hat bitch] Janis: [it was fun honey] Jimmy: [-- --- -- ---- ---- -- ---- - -------- --- -- ---] Janis: ['A'] Jimmy: [-- --- -- ---- ---- -- ---- a -------- -a- -- ---] Janis: ['Y'] Jimmy: [-- --- -y y--- ---- -- ---- a --a----y -ay -- ---] Janis: ['T'] Jimmy: [t- --- -y y--- ---- -- ---- a --a----y -ay t- ---] Janis: ['S'] Jimmy: [t- --- -y y--- s--- -s s--- a --a----y -ay t- ---] Janis: ['D'] Jimmy: [t- d-- -y y--- s-d- -s s--- a --a----y -ay t- d--] Janis: ['IE' 'cos we can sense a theme lol] Jimmy: [pout like how you gonna guess two letters bitch but we doing it] Jimmy: [t- die -y y--- -ide is s--- a -ea-e--- -ay t- die] Jimmy: [*side I can't type bye] Janis: [sings it at him] Jimmy: [when we know she's a good singer but he don't cos karaoke ain't happened yet so control your 😍 by drawing the hanged person but as 💔 Asia this time dropping a phone with a speech bubble of whatever bollocks they heard her boyfriend say] Janis: [draws him as a tadpole having a party in a pond with lady frogs and fishes] Jimmy: [lols] Janis: ['do you reckon I should feel bad about breaking them up?' shoving more snacks in her face, like] Jimmy: [when you give her such a wtf no look 'do they feel bad about wishing we would?' doesn't give her chance to answer cos obvs a rhetorical question 'there's your answer, like'] Janis: [shrugs like yeah, true 'but their love is so real' but rolls her eyes 'cos I doubt they were ever #goals] Jimmy: [shrugs back does a 💔 with his hands 'nowt I can't fix' and winks] Janis: [🙄] Jimmy: [goes to her window and opens it really wide to 🚬 leaning out dangerously far so he doesn't get any smoke in her room cos still doesn't wanna leave and see anyone] Janis: [comes to the window and looks out 'their car ain't back' like does that mean get out or] Jimmy: [gives her a look like oh no cali are coming for their 👑 by being so goals] Janis: [makes a face like don't] Jimmy: [goes to pass her the 🚬 like a peace offering but then is like oh you obvs don't want it my bad kinda takeback gesture cos what she said before about only faking it] Janis: [walks away 'cos stubborn] Jimmy: [just 🚬 and watching the 🐈s outside casually] Janis: [just back playing a solo game, pretending you ain't pouting] Jimmy: [sending her highlights of bathgate even though she's already seen them all cos shamelessly like pay attention to me] Janis: good thing we ain't in school Janis: last time they got this excited over a #scandal they put Jesy Halls in isolation for weeks Jimmy: You don't wanna be in isolation? Jimmy: fakest bollocks you've ever chatted Janis: You know they'd put you in and leave me out to get torn apart Janis: ⭐ Jimmy: what you get for being such an athlete Jimmy: and hey, might learn your name while I'm in there so it ain't all bad Janis: What you get for being so soft Janis: think of my mystique, would ya Jimmy: keep that to yourself, tah, it'll make us both look properly un-goals Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: Go on, might get to eat some snacks myself if you're struggling Janis: Fuck off Janis: I'm not encouraging you to talk about your dick so you can 🐽 Jimmy: you started it Janis: Nah Janis: why would I ever bring that up Jimmy: Why did you just? You tell me, girl Janis: 😒 Janis: you're so annoying Jimmy: You're easy to annoy Janis: I think you'll find most sane people don't wanna discuss your genitals Janis: just them downstairs Jimmy: 💔 Janis: you're buzzing Janis: be sneaking down in a few Jimmy: busted me Janis: mhmm Janis: wouldn't be a good real cheat, you Jimmy: my dad's got that covered Jimmy: I don't want 🥈 Janis: fair enough Janis: Freud's all over that statement Jimmy: he can be next for a 👻🥊 Janis: this is what comes of violent games Janis: [throws a bag of snack at him] Jimmy: [catches it like 😏] Janis: [pouts] Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: are you nearly done Janis: freezing here Janis: [in your short shorts] Jimmy: [wasn't done but gets done immediately cos #whipped] Janis: [gets under the covers] Jimmy: [comes over and tucks her in like a nerd] Janis: [allows this to happen like you're gonna go sleep 😊] Jimmy: [just sitting on the edge of the bed like when you tell a kid a story] Janis: ['you do this a lot, like'] Jimmy: [looks at her like what?] Janis: [looks down like tucking in] Jimmy: [shrugs like it's so casual cos she knows he's got a little brother from the pool awks] Janis: ['never stop, eh'] Jimmy: [looks at his phone cos still blowing up and back at her like so many jobs so little time] Janis: [tugs on his sleeve gently like lay down 'they'll be consoling her for hours still yet'] Jimmy: [does of course] Janis: ['you want me to go?' quiet and soft like he's asleep already 'I do have 2 cigarettes to smoke now so'] Jimmy: ['do you wanna go?' because can't answer a q but also obvs does not want that but thinks she does] Janis: [shrugs 'cos like no but do you want me to lol, so helpful] Jimmy: ['it's your bed' and what boy you're not helpful either] Janis: ['you want a tour of all the free ones?'] Jimmy: ['Which one's most worth haunting?'] Janis: [a look like that's easy but then a 🤔 face 'but you're pretty chicken so' and rolling over like night then] Jimmy: [shoves her like oi] Janis: [loling 'don't push me out of bed, how ungoals, you twat'] Jimmy: [literally rolls her back over to face him #excuse you 'answer me, dickhead'] Janis: [when that was hot so you're like literally give me a moment here so you wriggle down under the covers so he can't see you 'alright, I'll show you but I can't promise the ghost will come out' muffled by the duvet like hello] Jimmy: [lifts the covers up and peeping at her like ? and has cupped his ear like what? because one ear jokes 5ever] Janis: [coming out the bottom of the bed like can't catch me 'come on scaredy cat' and we all know what room we going to] Jimmy: [can't catch her ever but can chuck a hoodie at her because she's so cold and it might slow her down a bit] Janis: [puts it on and pretend swoons 'trying to cash in some hero points now, I see'] Jimmy: ['just don't want you to freeze to death before we get there, Jennifer, can't be arsed with throwing myself down the stairs right this second'] Janis: [pouts and grabs his face like n'awh 'but we could frame them, where's your sense of fun, honestly'] Jimmy: [pushes her off but then is like 😏 looking at her like good idea and picks her up as if he's gonna chuck her down the stairs] Janis: [playfighting like get off me boy 'as if I'd let you go 2nd'] Jimmy: [we love a playfight moment 'as if you reckon you call the shots'] Janis: [the most dramatic 'pfft!' and just rolling further towards the stairs like actually be careful please 'but you love coming first usually'] Jimmy: [does a mime locking his lips like don't tell anyone that, very ungoals, boy stop making it sexual again thank you 'depends, time and a place, you know, Jules'] Janis: [rolls her eyes but is 😳 'How can I trust you'll go through with it, besides, Romeo dies first, I fake it, you do it for real, then I do, stick to the script'] Jimmy: ['fake something for me that convincingly and I might do'] Janis: [just looking at him 'rude'] Jimmy: [a LOOK back at her] Janis: ['you can't tell me those pictures weren't convincing' 'cos we know it's still popping off] Jimmy: ['I sorted them' okay boy we gonna act like just cos you did all the camera shit she didn't do anything? Really now] Janis: ['it was my idea, and you wouldn't have any pictures on your own so'] Jimmy: [a shrug but we all know he's still looking at her, like oh jimothy what kind of challenge do you think you can lay down right here right now that'll top bathgate you simply can't] Janis: ['so, it's your turn to think of something, actually' but getting up and going to Edie's room, which is thankfully not a creepy shrine moment] Jimmy: [Follows her obvs] Janis: [it's probably less of a guest room more of a quiet chill room for if they wanted to go think about her, that seems like some hippie shit, so obviously no one goes in here though 'cos no thanks lol, gestures like 'this is the ghost room, can you feel it?' so sarky] Jimmy: [just making himself comfy in there because he don't know] Janis: [when this was a bad idea but you have to front it out and sit down like] Jimmy: [when you're so busy trying to think of something to top bathgate that you're oblivious] Janis: [at least you can lean in to pressuring him just making tick tock noises with your tongue like] Jimmy: [he'd do such a fake OMG STOP like when she was being tickled in front of the fans] Janis: [just gets closer to the ear she didn't bite so it's louder] Jimmy: [when you wanna lol but you don't wanna give her the satisfaction so you gotta bite your lip like it's okay I'm just thinking here, total accident that he looks really hot doing it soz Janis] Janis: [just shamelessly looking 'not meant to eat yourself, such a rookie' 😏] Jimmy: ['if anyone can recognise owt like that, it'd be you'] Janis: ['duh, I turned you, I'm like your mistress' raises brows 'or daddy, if you prefer'] Jimmy: ['Don't be telling my missus I've got one of them, tah, right rookie mistake that'd be, she already reckons me and her are well fake' does a what can you do, women eh, kinda gesture]] Janis: ['I don't reckon she knows you've got a name' shakes head like imagine that 'enjoy being on the other side of that one, babe'] Jimmy: [😏 'Sounds alright to me, that'] Janis: [🙄 but not that mad ever] Jimmy: [zips up the hoodie for her like how you possibly be annoyed at such a 😇] Janis: [pulls is back down justto be that bitch but then you look like you wanna be undressed in front of him so you pull it up and down a few times like a bit] Jimmy: ['you break it, you've bought it, rich girl' but clearly amused] Janis: [shrugs 'meant to let me keep it anyway'] Jimmy: ['You want me to freeze to death, that's the big plan, eh?' cos she'd have the school trip one already] Janis: [nods but is lol 'how else will everyone know you love me?'] Jimmy: [100% has to give her a new lovebite because I can't not if you're gonna say stuff like that Janis] Janis: [just like 'of course' but with feeling 'cos always covered low-key and we know it 'what about you, what do you want?'] Jimmy: [when you give her another one because that's what you want and we all know it but then you have to look at her like ? as if you weren't listening] Janis: [just gripping the sofa you're on so tightly so you can otherwise pretend this is so casual, tracing your finger 'round and 'round his ear lobe like 'yours healed ages ago...'] Jimmy: ['Have another go then' yeah this is so casual bye] Janis: [does, with vigour lol] Jimmy: [his turn to abuse the sofa] Janis: [admiring your handiwork 'bruises don't lie' and giving him back the hoodie like there you go] Jimmy: ['No need for you to lie either' cos she was cold and putting it back on her because I love a hair lift moment especially because he won't jump back 6 ft like when he did that exact thing on school trip #progress] Janis: [the state of the hair after all this we can only assume, going to put it up or something like ugh 'I don't lie, ever' fully aware of the irony ;cos of their fake dating deal like 😇] Jimmy: [irl 👌 so sarky] Janis: [lols] Jimmy: [when she's so cute and you can see so much of her neck now she's moved her hair and you're just like don't 😳] Janis: [motioning for him to pass her a cigarette and getting up 'ghost ain't coming, soz mate' 'cos definitely needs it now] Jimmy: [puts one behind her ear cos can't be tamed about touching her needlessly ever] Janis: ['you want my second one? as I don't smoke' as she's going to go downstairs] Jimmy: [takes one for himself as an unspoken yes] Janis: [kinda wanna make cali come back to be evil[ Jimmy: [do it gal] Janis: [they'll just say hi but she'll be fuming lol] Jimmy: [and he'll be wanting to run away] Janis: [at least its dark so you can sit here bright red, angrily smoking in silence] Jimmy: I'll fuck off home, say the word Janis: You can Janis: they won't wake you up for breakfast and awkward small talk though Jimmy: That where you get being a shit host from? Janis: Funny Jimmy: Could at least fake 😂 for me then, babe Janis: [😑 at him] Janis: convincing, yeah? Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: don't give me pity medals Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: have another go Janis: [a look that's half a LOOK and half don't] Janis: lost track of time, didn't reckon they'd be back 🤷 Janis: they couldn't see you so it don't count as meeting, right Jimmy: no 👻 about tonight Janis: yeah Janis: go if you have to Jimmy: I'll go if you want me to Janis: [say Cali's room also faces the front, nodding to the windows] Janis: go in once their light is on Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hope one of 'em has been sick or something Janis: doubt it'll be as pretty and pink coming back up Jimmy: [when we know that'll make him feel sick but not gonna see the greenish tint in the dark so stay 💪 boy and throw a stone at Grace's window to see if there's any life in there] Janis: 🙄 oh great Janis: give 'em ideas, lover boy Jimmy: I can't help missing her, alright? Jimmy: [dramatically fake pining] Janis: Disgusting Janis: [but a small half-smile Jimmy: [nudges her gently like hey that's at least a small 🏆] Janis: [nudes him like piss off but it's as gently] Jimmy: [just staying leaned into her a lil bit like be comforted] Janis: Proper soft, you Janis: could make yourself useful and find some fuel so I can set the place on fire whilst all my worst enemies are inside Jimmy: can't stop lying, you Jimmy: I'm well hard, me Jimmy: [plucks at the hoodie she's wearing like this is so cheap it'll burn right up] Janis: [looks down like hmm 🤔] Janis: you give to take away, only just got this hoodie back Jimmy: [nods at a passing cat like there you go instead then] Janis: [snorts] Jimmy: I were thinking Jimmy: it's not about arson but Janis: disappointing Janis: but go on Jimmy: could've waited til you'd heard it to 💔 me Janis: tell me Jimmy: I dunno, just Jimmy: might not be the massive-stly shit idea to try and be mates Jimmy: for as long as I'm here and this Janis: Wait, are you friendzoning me, Taylor? 😂 Janis: [actually 😂] Jimmy: [is pouting actually] Janis: [pats his shoulder like my bad] Janis: Sorry, that's just not what I expected you to say Jimmy: I've changed my mind now, dickhead Janis: Probably for the best Janis: if you can't handle that, like Janis: insert that quote here Jimmy: weren't likely to handle nowt for long but you're alright Janis: I don't need mates and you don't want me as one Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Let's go in then Jimmy: [does] Janis: [stops off in the kitchen to get more drink first] Jimmy: [does not follow her for the first time ever] Janis: don't you want a nightcap? Jimmy: Is it a) pretty or b) pink? Janis: That's long gone, boy Jimmy: So what's the point, like? Janis: You know I've seen you drink drinks that aren't flat white approved before, yeah? Jimmy: Don't sound like me or very #goals to me Janis: I'll leave the bottle here then 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Don't be in a mood Jimmy: Or what? You'll be in a bigger one? Janis: I'm not in a mood Jimmy: nowt to worry about then, is there? Janis: Why are you in one? Jimmy: What are you on about? Jimmy: Stick to the script, Jodie, we've got no rules but that Janis: Suit yourself Jimmy: tah for stating the obvious Jimmy: it were like Asia was here for a bit Janis: How lovely for you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Fuck sake Janis: you can't give me any time to react, no Jimmy: you can have loads, we're off the clock Janis: Bullshit Jimmy: nah Janis: Yeah Janis: I said I didn't know you were gonna say that Jimmy: like you said an' all, bad idea Jimmy: we can leave it out Janis: right, cheers Jimmy: you're right, take the 🏆 Janis: Leave it out, like you said Jimmy: lasses first Janis: Whatever Janis: this is ridiculous Jimmy: nowt about any of this has ever been owt else Janis: No need to tell me Jimmy: you're trying to tell me Janis: I'm trying to tell you fuck all Janis: what's the point Jimmy: 🙀 Janis: I'm not the one that's scared Janis: or taking back what I said Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I'm taking it back 'cause you're a knobhead Janis: You knew that before you said it Jimmy: you weren't for a second so I said it Janis: What second? Jimmy: What does that matter? Janis: Maybe I would like to try again, or maybe I wanna know what to avoid Janis: take your pick Jimmy: Maybe you're right again and I'm soft Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: Bollocks, that's giving yourself one for nothing Janis: like you've been so nice to me even though I don't deserve it, fuck off Jimmy: you fuck off Jimmy: I'm tired Janis: go sleep then Jimmy: Alright Janis: Night Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [just downstairs, getting drunk] Jimmy: [I'm so evil because I'm like ooh the potential for her to come up here when she is] Janis: ['forget' he's in your room like bonjour] Jimmy: [exactly though] Janis: [why not baby] Jimmy: [him just half asleep like mother is that you returning from the great unknown, oh no wait I'm not at home remotely] Janis: [ah the confusion, poor boy] Jimmy: [when you're relieved that it's her for the hottest of secs because where you been girl but also not because awkward] Janis: [when he's on the side of the bed you sleep on so you're trying to get in like 'budge up'] Jimmy: [so offended before he realises how drunk she is but then also like shhh when he does realise as if anyone's gonna hear this jimothy calm down] Janis: [just pushing him but much less efficiently than normal 'least you've warmed it for me'] Jimmy: [just so 😒 like stop pushing me but not saying anything] Janis: ['are you still cross?'] Jimmy: ['I've got nowt to be mardy about' sighing at himself like ffs boy as he's scooting over #foreverwhipped] Janis: [chuckling to herself, quietly, thank god, as she settles in 'well I'm not happy with you'] Jimmy: ['And I've done nowt for you to be mardy at me about' okay Jimothy if you say so] Janis: ['Neither of those is true, you know' fluffing up the pillow] Jimmy: ['start a # if you feel so strongly' cos v mature] Janis: ['you're stupid, stupid as I am' poking him] Jimmy: [gives her a look like don't, which he means on many levels rn] Janis: [pulls a face 'cos so mature too right now 'we could be friends, I'm just saying'] Jimmy: ['You reckon?' because clearly they can't] Janis: ['duh'] Jimmy: [shakes his head] Janis: [nods, way too hard, 'now you made me dizzy as well'] Jimmy: [goes to sarcastically pat her on the head like there there but strokes her hair instead because so soft always] Janis: [pouts but genuinely] Jimmy: ['what?' but in the softest way] Janis: ['I want you to be my friend but I weren't lying when I said you wouldn't want me to be your friend but I still wish you would'] Jimmy: [needlessly moves her hair out of her face like look at me 'it ain't up to you what I want, I said I wanted to try 'cause I did- I do'] Janis: [Hides under the covers again like sorry can't look at you 'okay' really quietly] Jimmy: [reaches under the covers so he can trace a o and k with his fingertip on her hand/arm whichever is reachable] Janis: [comes back up 'go sleep now' and closes his eyes with her fingers] Jimmy: [such an amused little noise because he was asleep before she came in, excuse you] Janis: ['shh shh'] Jimmy: [puts a finger on her lips like you shh] Janis: [frowny face 'stop it'] Jimmy: [holds his hands up dramatically like alright, calm down and gets comfy like look I'mma sleep] Janis: [smug face like that's right and does the same 'least it's not a single this time'] Jimmy: ['gutted, me' said really sarcastically but we know you are boy] Janis: [gets all up in his grill like there you go then] Jimmy: ['funny'] Janis: ['that's what you get for being rude'] Jimmy: ['you woke me, pisshead' but affectionately not actually annoyed at all] Janis: [waves hand like psh 'you were rude before then'] Jimmy: ['Alright, shut up' like you really care about going back to sleep rn okay Jimothy] Janis: [gestures like see 'gotta be nice to me' but rolling over like okay, you can sleep] Jimmy: [OTT dramatic sigh so she's knows it's fake] Janis: ['bet you can't say one nice thing about me'] Jimmy: ['you're not as shit at kissing as you were on the trip' because I re-read that and he kept acting like she was so bad like OKAY liar] Janis: [pushes him 'what kind of compliment is that?!'] Jimmy: [shrugs like you don't know exactly what you're doing boy] Janis: ['alright then the only thing I have to say about you is you're slightly less shit at being nice but potentially worse at lying so' blows raspberry] Jimmy: ['bollocks, you've got loads to say tonight, lightweight' but he's loling] Janis: ['yes well I've been very bored'] Jimmy: [does like the awh cheek squish she does to him always 'poor baby'] Janis: ['you know I'll bite you' squirming out of reach 'why didn't you come down?'] Jimmy: [does the thing where you check an animals teeth like he wants to see her vampire fangs, stop touching her mouth please! 'Why didn't you come up?'] Janis: [wipes her mouth like a child like gross 'I was getting drunk' shrugs like hello] Jimmy: [shrugs back 'I were sleeping' but like not for ages boy we know it] Janis: ['marding' in a him impersonation Jimmy: [pushes her cos oi what a read] Janis: [mhmm noise 'me too, but I had company'] Jimmy: ['like I said, shit host'] Janis: ['what do you mean?' resting on her elbow 'you keep saying that'] Jimmy: [just giving her a look like pretty self explanatory] Janis: [a look like obvs not? 'I've fed you, entertained you, what more do you want, fanfare?'] Jimmy: ['that lot did the did the bulk of the entertaining, girl, weren't you' more lies and more slander] Janis: ['not my fault you've got shit taste then' is pouting] Jimmy: ['@whateverAsia'ssocials are, might start her off bawling again, what could be more goals?'] Jimmy: [but obvs he's said them I just cba to think of one lol] Janis: ['kink unlocked you horrible boy' but lols] Jimmy: [I've known for ages that were one of yours'] Janis: ['making girls cry?' fake ponders 'hmm, don't tell anyone'] Jimmy: ['not just lasses' does the broken heart hand thing again] Janis: ['you aren't that soft' nudges him 'unfortunately'] Jimmy: [nudges her back 'bit of editing and you can tweet that'] Janis: [passes her phone 'you'll have to do it for me, I'm not that drunk and sad'] Jimmy: [tweets something hilarious instead cos that bitch and makes a big show of not giving her the phone back cos drunk] Janis: ['what did you do, tweet my nudes?' tryna grab her phone like 'scuse me] Jimmy: ['Mr Lucas wishes' having a playfight over this phone so casually] Janis: ['who do you think I'm taking them for' then an ew face 'cos truly] Jimmy: ['Save something for the wedding night' cos in the school trip convo that was also a running theme of her marrying him lol] Janis: ['tweet that and we lose all credibility'] Jimmy: [shakes his head 'I could make owt sound goals, even that bollocks'] Janis: ['yeah but bit off message' gestures at the lovebites 'stick to the script, no improv'] Jimmy: [touches the newest ones he gave her, boy stop 'Alright'] Janis: [shakes her head 'don't' and pulls up the covers between them] Jimmy: [when you're actually 💔 now, so just getting back in a sleeping position] Janis: ['it's just 'cos I wanna and it's not fair and' let this be vaguely incoherent so you don't fully out yourself immediately] Jimmy: [just pretending he's actually gone deaf like we don't need to do this] Janis: [sad sound but turning over like you actually believe he's asleep] Jimmy: [just moving about like you're trying to get more comfy but getting closer to her so it's like the in bed version of when he was leaning on her earlier] Janis: [just really quiet and still for a long time, sighs 'night, Jimmy'] Jimmy: [we know he ain't gonna answer even though he all also know you aren't asleep sir] Janis: [AM skip or?] Jimmy: [I think we should say he leaves like super early cos got so real there] Janis: [okay gurl]

SV ch.49

not even new years eve’s preparations can stop me from reading this. and it begins with women bickering and lowkey fighting over lbh! ptf- ladies, he is gay for sqq. end of the story :3

EDIT: sqq analysis of the female characters is GOLD, like a true reader!

Looking at it from this perspective, Luo Binghe really… is doing quite miserably!

Dignified Stallion novel male protagonist, are you still okay in that department?

SQQ MAKING ME LAUGH IS THE BEST LAST GIFT OF 2018 THANK YOU. why do you think that’s the case, babe? lbh is waiting for someone special GUESS WHO. GUESS.

omg is someone going to tell him how gay lbh is for him? he even KEPT HIS CORPSE FORGODSAKE-

EDIT 2: 

Could it be that the male protagonist’s coolness level was now no longer tied to him? Or in other words, was the male protagonist’s “coolness” no longer here?

(THEY ARE TIED TO YOUR A- uhm.)

This… Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but look up at the gloomy Luo Binghe, and suddenly felt like he couldn’t stare straight.

(he can’t stare straight a.k.a. how sqq became gay)

Oh no, could it be that he has committed a sin by raising a perfectly good Stallion novel protagonist… into an asexual?!

*chokes*

EDIT 3: 

He had clearly just been curiously onlooking in the Huan Hua Palace. How did he unknowingly walk into a bamboo forest? And no matter how he looked at it, it was a quite familiar bamboo forest….

(...WHAT THE hell? why is he in a forest, i’m confused-)

Cang Qiong Mountain, Qing Jing Peak.

(b u t- did he teleport himself there or something? WHAT IS HE DOING THERE, WHAT’S HAPPENING, EXPLAIN-)

EDIT 4:

System: [Your current location: Luo Binghe’s dreamscape.]

When Luo Binghe’s consciousness was unstable and wildly fluctuating, bystanders would often be affected. They would be sucked into this dreamscape as immense as a deep-sea whirlpool. In other words, they would get screwed by falling into his immeasurably vast “brain hole.” See the beginning of the original Dream Demon encounter transcript for details.

omg OMG LBH’S DREAMSCAPE I KNOW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN, I THINK I KNOW, I THINK I READ IT SOMEWHERE OMG ARE THEY REALLY GONNA KISS? i don’t rembember where, but i saw a fan art with the two of them- OKAY BETTER KEEP READING

EDIT 5: 

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but lament: It’s been a long time since he last saw such a little fresh sunshine youth Luo Binghe. 

(aaaaaah teenage lbh gives me life alkfdpokajefpioeq but why do i feel like that’s a trick?)

As he strode over, Luo Binghe called out in high spirits: “Shizun!”

Shen Qingqiu was hidden in the dark, so this was naturally not directed at him. He turned his gaze and indeed saw someone wearing a green robe standing at the end of the stone-paved road.

(OMG I’M SHIVERING, sqq watching himself an lbh together, pls, gayness, pls can you SPARK RIGHT NOW-)

Luo Binghe obediently tried again. As a result, this time Luo Binghe did not ram into him. Instead, with a slip of his feet, he directly hugged Shen Qingqiu’s waist.

(such a clever little shit, look how cute he is hugging his beloved shizun :3)

EDIT 6:

In the dreamscape enchantment that Luo Binghe created for himself, he would certainly only choose memories he felt were the most beautiful. If the memories of Qing Jing Peak could occupy a place here, they should be related to Ning Yingying. Why would there be this section?

(I- *sighs and throws her arms in the air* I give uP, I GIVE UP HOW CAN HE E THIS OBLIVIOUS? THE ANSWER IS IN THE QUESTION!!!! if the memories he feels are the most beautiful are those with you, wHAT DO YOU THINK THAT M E A N S-)

Thinking like this seemed a little vain, but…… probably… perhaps… just maybe… this section of master-disciple affection was placed a bit higher in Luo Binghe’s heart than Shen Qingqiu had imagined?

(COME ON SHIZUN, COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT! THAT’S THE RIGHT DIRECTION!)

EDIT 7:

Suddenly, a thread of chilly air crept up Shen Qingqiu’s neck, as if there was a both cold and hot line of sight climbing up along his spine.

(SHIT HE IS HERE. HE IS HERE.)

Shen Qingqiu’s first reaction wasn’t to take to his heels and start sprinting for it, but to stay in place and adjust his facial expression to his most natural.

(i love that he doesn’t really fear him. i love this, so much words can’t even begin to convey it. PLS LET LBH KNOW IT’S YOU. PLEASE)

EDIT 8: 

Shen Qingqiu braced himself and met his gaze.

After a long while, it was Luo Binghe who first sighed.

He murmured: “Being able to dream… is still nice.”

(OKAY WHAT DOES IT MEAN, LBH THINKS THAT SQQ IS PART OF THE DREAM? WHAT. BIG, POWERFUL DREAM LORD, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT’S THE REAL THING!! ODIJGOEIJGFIER THESE TWO WILL BREAK ME-

also, lbh pls don’t be so sad and anguished, or else i’ll feel like dying-)

Seeing him leaning against the bamboo and staring blankly, Shen Qingqiu remembered his dazed appearance on the head seat during the day, all alone. Then upon comparing this version of him with the impressive commanding splendor of the original work, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but feel a little sad.

(omg my heart, mY HEART. PLS SHIZUN. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GIVE HIM HAPPINESS.)

EDIT 9:

Luo Binghe said: “I wonder if Shizun could have a word with me.”

Shen Qingqiu’s heart was currently filled with sympathy for Luo Binghe, so he pleasantly and amiably replied: “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”

He didn’t expect that after he spoke up, Luo Binghe instead froze. He instantly stood up straight and left the bamboo, a trace of disbelief showing on his face.

Oops. Shen Qingqiu thought: Does he think this reaction isn’t right?

(ANXIETY

sqq stop talking bullshit, what you are feeling is called love, not sympathy-)

After remaining silent for a while, Luo Binghe spoke up: “In the past, Shizun never even bothered to look at me, just walked off on his own, don’t even mention talking with me. Perhaps my imagination today is a little too beautiful.”

Shen Qingqiu’s heart stirred.

(OMG I FEEL LIKE CRYING, HOW LONELY HAD MY BABY BEEN UNTIL NOW, THIS IS SO UNFAIR, PLS GIVE HIM HIS SHIZUN, BE HIS SHIZUN AGAIN SOHVCOIWJFIOW)

EDIT 10: sqq patting lbh’s head gives me the same chills that wwx’s calling lwj “er gege” gives me.

He had barely patted twice when all of a sudden, Luo Binghe raised his arm, his left hand gripping Shen Qingqiu’s left wrist.

Shen Qingqiu’s expression solidified as he thought: Isn’t this a bit too close?

(AND IT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING IS HAPPENING OMG)

Immediately afterward, his right wrist was also firmly grasped. Suddenly looking up, Shen Qingqiu felt his vision blur.

As if gently touched by feathers, his cheeks were swept. A strange sensation came from his lips, both soft and slightly cool.

His eyes opened wide, meeting Luo Binghe’s dark pupils. His throat bobbed with difficulty.

He wanted to speak but had no way to open his mouth. Because his mouth was bitten.

(omg OMG YES-)

EDIT 11: LSKFNPISJOPKDGPOKSROPGKWRO

EDIT 12:

What ultimately breached his state of complete breakdown was a system reminder accompanied by its own celebratory BGM: [Coolness Points +500! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Important things must be said three times! ]

THE SYSTEM GIVING HIM COOL POINTS FOR BEING GAY IS LIFE

Shen Qingqiu: “What. The. F***——————?!?!”

He finally understood why Luo Binghe had not pushed down a single girl to the point where not a single shadow of the 3000 harem beauties had been seen, yet the coolness points had never decreased.

Because he had used Shen Qingqiu to make up for the coolness points aaaaaaahhhhh!!!

FINALLY. FINALLY GUYS, FINALLY, I CAN’T BELIEVE I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD!!! WHAT A BEATIFUL WAY TO END THE YEAR, THANK YOU SO MCH MXTX!!!

SQQ DON’T BE AN IDIOT ABOUT IT AND K I S S  H I M  B A C K omg i need ch.50 NOW

𝓂𝒾𝓈𝒸 𝒶𝓅𝓅 ( deborah ann woll. female, she/her, bare + wildes. ) supposedly, ROSEMARY AMALIA HARING is a SWAN MAIDEN. they look like they’re THIRTY-FIVE, they act like they’ve been on earth for THREE HUNDRED FIFTY SIX YEARS. i just saw them at ALARA’S ANTIQUES, i think they’re an EMPLOYEE there. at night you can always find them going home to STATEN ISLAND by BUS. (mina, 20, she/her, pst)

time to bomb this, because rosemary is forever fighting me about her story and ‘correcting’me. so lets see how much of a mess this ends up being. BUT, i do hope you come to love her as much as i do.

rosemary is a swan maiden, which is fae women (there are men too but it seems that they are just a little too reckless and either stay human forever because ‘why the fuck do i want to be a swan? that is too delicate for MY MANLY NATURE!’ or they just die because of the wars they have experienced so far) who were born from mortal women and the Fae King of Germany. she was daughter #6, and definitely someone who indulged in everything that meant to be a swan maiden. her sisters would travel across germany, enjoying the nature of their beloved country and living in beautiful bliss from the world outside. 

however, the eldest daughter of the fae king, swanhilde, was kidnapped and taken away by a hunter who desired her as his wife. everyone tried to save her, and nobody fought as much as amalia did. however, nothing could occur without swanhilde’s robe of swan feathers that aided her transform. 

the whole swan family had to watch from a distance as their beloved sister lived a mortal life, aging normally and bearing children and eventually dying of old age. they never could find the robe, and it was a warning to them all to be protective of each other, and to be ready to defend yourself. keep your swan feathers close to you no matter what. 

rosemary and her sisters that she lived with (amelira and heleyns) all moved away from germany, being nomads across europe until they arrived to england and heard about America ! (the united states, specifically) by this time, people could sense the tensions in the air and the arrival of what would be world war i arising. amalia (rosemary), amelira and helenys all decided that they would go to the united states, in hopes of a restart of their lives not only as fae women but as ‘pretend’ human women.  

their life had started over, and though they had a feeling of despair for not having anything anymore, they were able to move forward because they still had the one side that was never unchanging. their fae side remained the same, and it followed them no matter where they met. it seemed that no matter what environment they ended up in, they always transcended the elegance and etheral beauty that swans possessed and many fell for them. it seemed to be harder to shun the people away since they were far more persistent than before. however, it also became easier to fight them off, which rosemary appreciated greatly. 

each sister ended up in different fields. one became a factor worker, the other became a nurse, and rosemary became an office assistant. each lived a life they enjoyed, and it was wonderful.

helenys, a factor worker, was able to find the love of her life, a fae man who ended up taking her away to the greater area of canada. rosemary and amelira were left, and they stuck together like two peas in a pot. 

HOWEVER! All good things come to an end, and rosemary was the next to go unvoluntarily.

she didn’t learn from her sister’s life and ended up having her own robe of swan feathers taken from her by a vampire she had a ravishing one-night stand with. he had been someone she had met through work, and they both had an obvious connection. but as rosemary says to this day, “he was a lonely motherfucker who decided i was going to be his companion for life. you know, nosferatu style. or dracula style.” 

she despises this man to this day, and he has dragged her all around new york as she follows  in hopes to get her swan coat back through murder or other methods. though this man is charming, and though she finds him endlessly attractive, the hate within her body possesses her more and she requires some sort of satisfaction. some sort of REVENGE.

unfortunately, the swan coat has a power over its fae women, and it requires them to be dragged along to the person who possesses, so rosemary hasn’t been able to leave this messed up relation. though, amelira was able to figure out her sister’s mistake and has joined her in her travelling around new york. 

they both had established themselves in Staten Island out of their pure intention. quite frankly, they don’t give a shit about the division that the supernaturals have at the current moment doesn’t make sense, and honestly, staten island is not that bad. 

they both opened an antiques shop, amelira being the main manager while rosemary was the dealer and often the one to go and find these items that they sell.

rosemary is seriously such a “i dont give a shit” lady. she doesn’t necessarily watch people, but she has lived long enough to know human nature and is quite over it all. she is straight-forward, direct, and has no time to sugar coat things. she loves being her own person, she loves living her own life. which makes this sort of plot line so hard on her because she is legit having to follow someone else because they have something of hers. 

rosemary does see herself quite blessed to have been swan maiden, and still to this day wishes she could go revisit that. she wishes to just turn back into her swan self and just enjoy the blissfulness that her life was once again. she is still a fae, but also half mortal. so unlike the seelie, she can lie. and she does, only when necessary. 

okay just think of an embodiment of hollywood stars from the 1920s, 30′s, 40′s. that is her, she is quite visually pleasing, she always looks like an elegant working woman, modern society hasn’t quite reached her. some inspiration are grace kelly, marilyn monroe, and like forest nymphs that are like half naked bathing in rivers, lakes, and oceans. 

she loves taking charge, she loves dressing elegantly, she loves dresses, but she has come to quite enjoy nice pant suits, fancy pants with dress shirts. kind of hipstery business styles. her hair is hella long and wavy, and its gorgeous af. she is super confidant in herself, she is lowkey vain, and is honest about her preferences. 

galas? her shit. business parties? her shit. business meetings? she is gonna fuck it up, kenneth. 

she loves to tease people, so don’t be upset if she teases you. 

um um um, she loves fruit so much. meat is okay, but not her favorite thing. sweet juicy shit? that is her shit. 

just omg. she is something else. i love her. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS !

okay lets do this. i would love fae friends / enemies / frenemies. swan maidens are just what humans and a fae king created in germany. so i’m sure there is either speculations of how they are just second best to the seelie / unseelie. some might just respect them as a separate division of fae species, etcs. jazz dance club friends, who are basically people she has met when she has gone to the local jazz club where jazz is often played. if you can’t tell, rosemary is very much stuck in the past of great music, swing dancing, and swaying to dean martin’s voice in the background as she considers rather to take this man home or not. WITH THAT BEING SAID! One-night stands would be great, exs is great too, current people who have a sort of sexual tension with her, people who are enchanted by her because swan maidens are depicted kind of like mermaids / sirens? just, instead of their voice, their very appearance can be enchanting to the human eye, and you best believe she has a tendency to raise the charm level to 2000% all the time when she sees someone looking at her. i need friends who are like her, 7 Rings Ariana Grande, Who run the World? Girls beyonce style. love strong independent woman and she needs that. customers / regulars at the antique shop, because rosemary loves her history, she loves her antique artifacts, and loves talking about those things. and then, i think rosemary could use a super chill friend who just balances her over-the-top personality. just keep her in check and calm her down when she is ready to fight someone.

just like this, and i will pop up in your ims and WE CAN PLOT! just please, she needs this. 

okay, this was a struggle but im done. byyyeeeeee!!

OUAT 3X10 - The New Neverland

Ooh! A new episode of Once Upon a Time! I can’t wait to see what Emma, Regina, Snow, and their other com-PAN-ions are up to today!

...You laughed. You can admit it.

...Review’s under the cut. You know what to do!

Press Release

The residents of Storybrooke are overjoyed upon the return of Henry and our heroes from Neverland. But unbeknownst to them, a plan is secretly being put into place by a well-hidden Pan that will shake up the very lives of the townspeople. Meanwhile, in the Fairy Tale Land that was, Snow White and Prince Charming’s honeymoon turns out to be anything but romantic when they go in search of a mythical being that could stop Regina cold in her tracks.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past

Okay, so to start off, this flashback is admittedly a little pointless. Other than the theme of moments -- something so loose, it could’ve just been discussed in the present and the episode would’ve been fine as just a present events compilation -- there’s nothing that this story does to enhance the main one.

That having been said, I think it’s great! While something meatier could’ve gone here, I can’t honestly object that much when a story is just good. And the conflict between Snow and David is really solid. It’s one of those times where it doesn’t feel fully weighted in one direction. Like, we’re supposed to be on David’s side by the end of it, but Snow’s POV is completely understandable, especially after everything she’s been through (Not to mention, her confidence boost from “Lost Girl”). I like the idea of Snow being so caught up in he worries over Regina that she almost destroys her chance at happiness.

THAT having been said, I found the scene where Snow and Charming discuss turning Regina to stone to be so annoying. Charming references the flashback in “The Cricket Game,” a flashback that I LOATHE because of how much of a waste of time it is and how much of an idiot it makes Snow. And it gets worse. David says that they shouldn’t turn Regina to stone because Snow stayed her execution during that flashback when the resolution of that flashback was that Snow regretted that decision. Like, without this scene, the flashback would’ve not only been completely serviceable, but actually better for its absence!

Present

The opening of the present is just so amazingly shot. There’s this unequivocally happy tone from our mains and side characters that’s so satisfying, that for a moment, even knowing what was going on with Henry, I actually got swept up in it. It’s purely fantastic framing because you know this is exactly what they were going for.

And it kind of carries through throughout the rest of the episode. It feels like an epilogue at times, discussing resolution-y subjects like who (if anyone) will Emma end up with, establishing more of a co-parent-y relationship between Emma and Regina, curing David of his ails, having Rumple consider his future, and allowing for the minor characters to achieve their happy endings. Honestly, only when we cut to Henry do we get remember that the story is continuing, and I like it. It’s a subtle build of tension and will show just how much Pan’s curse will fuck everyone over in the next episode.

I also really liked the Emma and Regina conflict in this episode. It feels like the natural continuation of everything they’ve had to work through over the past two and a half seasons and was smartly placed just after the baby Henry flashbacks.

All Encompassing

This whole episode is the most lowkey David centric ever. Like, he’s in a supporting role, but it’s like the main supporting role. He gives out advice, he interacts with so many characters, and it’s just great! David’s character never needed to be a major major character and I feel like this episode captured the best of him.

“Moments” is the key theme of the episode. It’s interesting that the idea of moments plays more of a part in the flashback to our next episode, but I do like how the concept is introduced and implemented here. While the concept didn’t warrant an entire flashback, the idea of life having good and bad moments that just need to be felt and enjoyed when they can was a good basis for a Snow and Charming story with a good follow-through in the present with Emma. There’s a good contrast between those who can celebrate moments and someone who might not have that luxuary.

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-The town celebration is really a thing of beauty (And kind of tragedy given that Henry’s not Henry...those Grumpy and Granny hugs are either sad as hell for that reason or funny as fuck because Pan is hugging all of these strangers and is probably realizing that his life just became a fantastical episode of Full House).

-You can tell how Jared loved every fucking second of being Pan! XD The dude lives for evil Henry!

-”That’s the last time I don’t listen to you.” ...When you can see the future, there’s irony fucking EVERYWHERE!

-You know, I just realized that Neal and Belle never had a proper introduction. For one thing, why is Belle not saying “Oh my fuck! You’re alive!” (That’s totally how she’d say it too XD ). For another, I’d have loved to see a proper introduction between the two of them. I need more Neal :( .

-Also would’ve liked the moment where Rumple ditches the cane to get a bit more umph to it. Like, that cane has been as much a part of him as the red cap is to Mario and it’s such a symbol of his cowardice that it would’ve been better to see it go.

-*Looks at a dude in a red beanie* The fuck you do to Smee, you little bitch?

-Okay, that Darling hug was fucking beautiful!

-Also, Snow giving Regina that level of cred was just beautiful! I found it to be a really good follow up to both what she saw in “Save Henry” and Regina’s harsh, but effective actions in “Nasty Habits.”

-Thoughts on how the reception went after Regina invaded the wedding? I’d like to think Snow and Charming played it cool and confident for the guests, but, like we’re seeing, were reeling on the inside.

-”Steal her magic.” Well, in one realm, you actually DO that! The results were...mixed, to say the least. BUT we got Alice, the best person ever out of the deal so it was ultimately worth it.

-So I have to wonder: If Regina hadn’t made these threats, would Snow have still wanted to go to the Summer Palace? Like, it seems to connect really well to her parents, so i could totally see Snow doing that.

-Damn. Grumpy is just the ultimate support. He’s on better terms with Charming, but is still 1000% loyal to Snow.

-Plenty of cell space?! Storybrooke needs an equivalent to juvie! Like, Felix is a villain for sure, but he’s a kid! Jail -- which in Storybrooke is basically full-on solitary confinement -- seems a little excessive.

-”As long as I’m alive, that boy will never see the light of day.” ...Yeah. About that…

-”Her name is Tinker Bell.” I actually fucking clapped. Yes, Queen! Slay and filet that shady shimmering shithead for what she did to Tink!

-”You don’t believe in yourself anymore.” FUCK YOU, BLUE. Look, I’ve said in past reviews that Blue’s not as much shady as she is the world’s strictest and assholey beauraucrat, but being that kind of person WILL merit a level of scorn. Look at that almost half smile on her face. Keegan plays that well. “How can I believe in you if you can’t even do that?” FUCK YOU!

-”I need a drink.” You and me both! Shame I can’t get a drink at 8am!

-I love that emphasis David puts on the word “threat” in the woods. He’s nagging it up!

-You know, Pan kind of got the ball rolling on Emma and Regina’s active non-animosity filled co-parenting.Give the dude a little credit.

-How is Pan so unimpressed by Henry’s room? Like, that’s a nice room! With all sorts of tech and comics and stuff! Be a little more impressed, you little shit!

-”I’ll protect you. No matter what.” And the award for the most adorable non-Regal Believer Regal Believer moment goes to… *cries*

-Prince Charming, everyone, number one causes of deforestation in the Enchanted Forest. XD

-”Are you sure you want to condemn Regina to a fate like that?” Dude, she killed Snow’s dad (Who to be fair, was pretty much shit, but you guys didn’t know it at the time), indirectly killed your mom, tried to kill you, poisoned Snow, AND ruined your wedding! I love Regina and I’m so happy she got redeemed, but at the time of this episode, being turned to stone was rather warranted.

-”Killing her wasn’t the answer.” And then she decided at the end of that episode that it was!

-”Last time, she threatened us.” No she didn’t. She regretted not causing MORE death!

-SHEEP BROS!

-Snow, David. Did you really schedule your lunch to coincide with Emma and Neal’s date? That was...bad planning. Like, you don’t even do that with Killian!

-”Does he eat with his mouth open?” Either Charming has misophonia or that was a Kristoph reference!

-Killian...I’m honestly not sure what to make with that Tink scene. On one hand, I see it as Killian trying in vain to get over Emma, but being unable to, showing that he really does love her. BUT it also comes off as a “you still have a ways to go” moment because Killian’s flirting can be a little...really off putting. I don’t know exactly what to make of that because the framing is a little wonky there.

-”Perhaps.” That having been said, the misunderstanding at Granny’s with Emma, Tink, and Killian had me laughing out loud. That one’s better at insinuating “you fucking dork.”

-YES, SHADOW! GIVE THAT BLUE BITCH A SCARE! KILLING HER MIGHT BE A TOUCH EXCESSIVE, BUT IT’S STILL PRETTY FUN TO WATCH!

-Also, this park is just beautiful. I really wish we spent more time in later seasons at these parks. Like, they’re such pretty places to have scenes instead of the pretty generic looking woods that we got in the later seasons.

-Evil Jared Gilmore cracks me the fuck up!

-Not gonna lie, a dungeon crawl like this would make for the best honeymoon ever!

-”Promise you won’t touch anything?” “Promise.” LIAR!

-”Rumple.” I love how Belle just nagged him. It’s a very Belle-like way of encouraging him to do good without making a whole speech of things.

-Okay, so even the “Entering Storybrooke” sign makes me whimper like a little bitch, too!

-Ooh! I love that Golden Swan moment! Rumple and Emma’s dynamic isn’t shown a lot, but when it is, it’s really something special. While not enough to earn it the “Favorite Dynamic” of the episode, it is incredibly cool to see Emma and Rumple come to that moment of begrudging respect and trust at the town line.

-Holy crap! The rest of the cast pulled off “Penry’s” escape from Pandora’s Box so well. Everyone immediately grows tense and grabs their loved ones. They’re actually scared shitless, a testament to how terrifying pan is.

-Damn, in hindsight, this is dark as hell. Emma has a gun to Henry’s head, and even though he’s in another body, this is a kid!

-Awww! I love Henry hugging Snow and David! We don’t always get a ton of moments of them together, so this was really special!

-I actually needed a solid minute to recover from the way that “Han” just smoothly magicked Regina. Like, that was so freakin’ fluid! “I know. That’s why this was so easy.” Pan, you bastard!

-These hugs with Henry in Pan’s body crack me up for some reason.

-I’m not sure if Storybrooke being the New Neverland is an upgrade or a downgrade. On one hand, you get all of the modern tech and indoor plumbing. On the other hand, no pixie dust and the suburbs are boring.

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Mission to Save Henry - I love how in so many ways, this feels like an epilogue and then is like FUCK NO. So much comes together and it feels like everything’s winding down, but the action continues in such a fun whirlwind of a way! This whole arc has been a roller coaster and a fun one at that!

Rumple’s Redemption - “On the house.” How much you want to bet Rumple was DYING inside as he said that? “I’m sure if I ever needed a favor, you’d be more than receptive.” Rumple, my boy. You’ve come quite far, but you still have so far to go! But seriously, you do see more of how Rumple’s come into his own redemption. First, his focus is squarely on making Belle happy. Second, he does actually show that he has trust in Emma by allowing her to see what’s up with Pan.

Regina’s Redemption - We get two really great steps in showing how far Regina’s come. First, she stands up for Tinkerbell against Blue. While Regina’s had no problem standing up to Blue in the past, it’s always been for her own sake. This time, she’s standing up for Tink’s sake! The second instance is her grief that Pan fooled her. I say this because it’s so clear how at this point, she genuinely wants Henry to be with her because it’s his choice and how saddened she was by the fact that when her dream came true, it was only a lie. I love Regal Believer and seeing how much Regina’s broken that chain of abuse is something so special.

Favorite Dynamic

Emma and David. There were a lot of great dynamics on display in this episode, but I love how we got our first real David and Emma moment. Daddy Charming is one of the lesser explicitly shown dynamics on the show, but interactions like these show just how powerful it is. There’s an adorably bit of father/daughter banter between them when talking about their love life, David gives Emma solid honest-to-goodness advice that actually does come back later on in the episode, and he’s so comforting. He knows Emma’s dealt with so much and he just wants her to be happy. The scene they share provides a nice calm before the storm and shows that while Emma and David didn’t have that friendship that Emma and Snow had, they do have that strong bond.

Writer

This is Andrew Chambliss’ first solo episode! And honestly, not a bad job! Andrew did a great job balancing screen time between the eight mains and roughly eight minor characters in half an episode’s worth of time, and that’s honestly impressive! The stories themselves are relatively simpler, with the present storyline using resolution as a cleverly deceptive way of making it seem more sprawling than it is.

Rating

10/10. This is an honestly great episode. While not perfect, it provides for a lot of nice moments between characters, an underlying tenseness that is well delivered on when it’s ready for shit to get real, and a more unified Storybrooke.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Ariel/Eric - These two are so fucking lovey dovey and their reunion is just the cutest sweetest thing ever!

Rumbelle - Like, from the second -- the SECOND -- these two see each other when Rumple gets off the ship, that’s all the other sees. They’re laser-glued to the other. And the hug is just so perf! Also, THE UP PARALLELS STARTED HERE WITH THE FUCKING TIE! I KNOW IT’S NOT THE SAME KIND OF TIE, BUT FUCK! THAT’S AMAZING! XD Also also, the scene at the shop as a whole is just so romantic. There’s a beautiful theme to it and Robert Fucking Carlyle owns my soul. Every line is just so pretty, and I say that both as a testament to the writing and Robert himself. And Emiliee is no slouch either! She’s so in love and there’s an utter sincerity to it.

Captain Swan - Killian’s decision to back off was just the sweetest. It genuinely shows how he cares for Henry and Emma and doesn’t want to pressure either of them. It doesn’t mean he won’t pursue her if she goes after him, but he wants to let the chips fall, even if they aren’t in his favor. That’s just...honestly, I love it. Killian, your looks aren’t the only devilishly handsome part of you. <3 Also, I like how Emma remarks that Killian is still an option. When David’s trying to convince her to go out with Neal, she points out that he’s trying to keep her away from Killian.

Swan Fire - Snow is just the biggest Swan Fire shipper and it’s pretty cute! Also, Neal’s way of asking Emma out was equally adorable! It takes a degree of pressure off of her and is asked in such a cute way! It’s got a nice youthfulness to it! Also, let’s talk about how sad Neal is when it looks like Emma won’t show. Also also, Emma later implies that her date with Neal would be “enjoying herself.”

Snowing - David loves the fuck out of Snow and that makes me feel all of the things! He wants to enjoy his marriage to her and wants her to be able to relax and enjoy it with him! BUT he also knows her so freakin’ well. He KNOWS when she sneaks off and is just there waiting for her (In one of the show’s most underrated funny moments). And he’s totally willing to give up his honeymoon to follow her into danger! Prince Charming, everyone! And to some extent, Snow KNEW he was gonna do that because she brought the sword. Also, the couple banter in this episode is just so en pointe! I especially love David’s speech to Snow about how he knew what he was getting into when they fell in love. And the kisses and inevitable sex at the end is just the best! And in the present, that BIG DAMN KISS once he’s cured! It’s so beautiful!

-----

Thank you all for reading and to the fab folks at @watchingfairytales!

Next time, we’re coming home! <3

Season 3 Total (96/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (19/60) Kalinda Vazquez (17/40) Andrew Chambliss (27/50) Jane Espenson (10/30) David Goodman (20/40) Robert Hull (20/40) Christine Boylan (20/20)* Daniel Thomsen (20/30)

* Indicates that their work for the season is complete

Operation Rewatch Archives