Catch me desperately googling “where is my local aquarium and do they let me pet the rays” at 10:30pm.

Previous google searches include, “Does Pets At Home let you hold the gerbils”, “What animals do Zoos let you touch” and “Nearest cats please.”

SZPD is just the worst

SZPD is that feeling in your heart where you know that there should be something there, some part of you that makes all the socialising decisions and brings all the energy needed to make connections and it's not there. You don't know what it's supposed to be or how it works, you just know that there's a hole that can't be filled.

And the worst part is that you can't talk about it because no one understands. There's a bar that's so low that most people can jump over without realising that it exists and people with szpd can't get past it. Ask any psychologist and they will say one of two things: I haven't heard of that before or I can't help you because I don't know how to. There is no cure, there is no treatment. Hell there isn't any real research being done because it's so rare.

To interact with the world it feels like you need at least some skill in making social connections and if you can't make that happen it feels like you don't belong anywhere and you don't really count as human.

I know that human connections are one of the most important things in this world so why don't I care about them?

being suicidal isn't always making plans and attempts to end your life.

it's also laying in bed, staring at nothing, with your brain screaming at you that everything would be better if your were dead and your mind playing images and ideas on never ending loops to push you over the edge.

Mon 13th March:

I did it! I had a day without letting myself spiral even though I kind of really wanted to and it would have been the easy option. Don't want to take full credit bc also maybe I was just in an ever so slightly better mental state than the past few days. But anyway, I got up this morning and had a lovely stretch followed by a good leg workout. I found it harder than I want to admit but I'm glad I did it! Definitely gave me the confidence boost I needed, and made me feel better about my poor bum after I spent all weekend sitting on it lol. Abs are trying to make a little bit of a comeback too 🤏

Met my friend for lunch, got a bit sad about having to go back to work tomorrow and didn't feel up to visiting my nannas and having to talk wedding stuff with them as it's getting v overwhelming. So instead I just came home and INTENTIONALLY, AS A POSITIVE THING, chilled out on the couch in my blanket and played on my switch. Not feeling wracked with guilt, not scrolling my phone getting overwhelmed by all the messages needing replies, not spiralling into a depression. Actually just relaxing and enjoying it! Started to feel all lethargic and wanted some movement so I got up and biked while watching the Murdaugh Murders documentary. Felt great to get some cardio on top of the weights this morning.

Then made a cup of tea and drank that while waiting for the bath to run. I feel so much more prepared and confident to go back to work now. Exercise truly is therapy 🙌

Today I can't be bothered to hide how tired I am or how im feeling, I'm just too tired to try and hide it.

When you don't feel like you can say how you feel so you come to Tumblr to find people as fucked up as you. You know shits bad

❤️low mood Jesse Spencer moodboard❤️

aesthetic for deep thoughts and feelings

🍃As we approach the new year and everyone is making resolutions and plans, I really want to share two apps that have helped me with my mental health ,because they might help you too.🍃

Finch

I absolutely adore this app, it lets me set realistic goals for myself while I raise my little bird and use the “rainbow stones” that are earned by completing activities to create what I find to be a safe environment for the bird. It also has soundscapes, timers, breathing exercises, wind down stretches and a few other things that help anxiety. You can also connect to friends with it and send them “vibes” to let them know you’re always there and it’s just a very sweet app.

Calm Harm

Now this one was recommended to me by my therapist and I haven’t had it long but it has really helped. It is an app for preventing self harm, I use it whenever I feel like I’m going to and it gives me small activities to choose from instead and breathing exercises. It is hard to turn on the app sometimes but it’s helped enough times that I feel like it might help someone else.

Day by Day - Chapter 5

Previous Chapter

Chapter preview:

Tim felt better in himself the next day, still not a hundred percent but better than the two previous days. During school he still didn’t interact with anyone, he simply kept his head down, got on with the work the teachers set and kept to himself.

If Tim was asked for his opinion, he would say he’s settled into school pretty well by now, at least by his standards. A couple of teachers have spoken to him before and commented on his ability of settling in and getting to grips with the work they’re doing despite coming in halfway through the school year. Each time it’s happened Tim just smiles and says he’s done similar work in his old school and how catching up thankfully hasn’t been too difficult.

Ask someone else however, they would probably say different. Tim is aware he didn’t have any friends yet. There’s no one he’s clicked with, no friendship group he’s slotted himself into or anyone in class that he’s paired off with. They’d say he’s lonely.

Of course there’s the guy he’s now tutoring, the one who he keeps bumping into at the wellbeing hub when he has counselling. There’s also the blonde girl Cassie and the ginger boy Bart, they seem like potential friends however Tim hasn’t put in the effort to make a friendship with them.

Probably won't be posting much for a little bit, just to let you all know instead of disappearing randomly. I might post every once in a while, but Im not feeling too good rn and motivations running low so there won't be many art pieces for a bit.

Also won't be active much / at all on the tsp creator club server for a little while, gonna be taking a small break for myself. If you need me, feel free to dm me or @ me if you need anything.

Love you all, I'll try to post as soon as possible <3

Day 497

Writing break

Low mood: Lately I've been pretty tired and my mental health has been low since yesterday. I'll take a couple of days to recover and then get back on my feet (Also just mentally tired and need a come up with ideas for writing). Until then, please feel free to send in requests. Would love to hear from you all 😊

Xoxo

Ash

My human versions Metts and Mett.

just silly doodles. My mood is a bit low.

I tried to do the things that used to bring me happiness, I thought doing them would bring it back. But I didn't find any joy, and on a sadder note, I didn't find myself.

~ I'm lost in my depression

How many times a day do you ask yourself 'what's my purpose in life?'

I'm so fucking exhausted I want to cry😭

Literally spend every day feeling exhausted, nauseous and dizzy and the doctors haven't figured out what the fuck is wrong, and I have to wait months between each appointment to see a different type of doctor, only to be told AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN that they DON'T KNOW why I feel like shit everyday and have NO USEFUL ADVICE!!!

I just want to feel OK, is that really so much to ask?!