#look at me complaining like this like i deserve to be pitied or coddled into thinking im good and kind i dont im awful and the guilt eats | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bosspigeon · 3 years

Text

not if it's you

Prompt: Day One: Cooking, Day Two: Cuddling💕 Pairing: Mason/Male Detective Words: 3293 Summary: Mason is sick. Mason's not supposed to get sick, but magic tends to not give a shit if you're a big, tough vampire man with a reputation to maintain. A prompt fill for @wayhavensummer that I wasn't sure I'd finish, but I'm glad I decided to. I combined two prompts into one, along with the inclusion of the bonus challenge, "love languages!" Juni's love language is Acts of Service~ CW for emetophobia. Nothing actually happens, but it is discussed!

“I’m not a vampire, Mason,” Juni said to him when he clicked on the lamp on his dresser and Mason growled loudly in protest. “I’m sorry, but I can’t see in the dark.”

Mason's growl became a long, low groaning noise as he dragged a pillow over his face. It helped more than he cared to admit, being immediately plunged into soothing darkness and smothered in the warm, sweet scent of the detective buried in his pillow.

Still, he feels like absolute shit.

The illness should run its course in just a few days, from what Juni’s relayed to him about Nate’s research—since he won’t leave Juni’s apartment (he’s not going to say can’t, because that implies weakness, implies that he couldn’t even if he wanted to, and he could, he just won’t, and that’s all there is to it) until he’s well, and refuses to go crawling to the Agency when he just needs to wait things out.

If he went to the Agency, he’d just be “waiting things out” the same as he is there, only he’d be doing it alone in a stiflingly empty observation room, bored out of his fucking skull until someone decided to come poke at him for science. At least here, he’s got Juni fussing over him.

It’s sort of… nice, being fussed over.

And Juni would be fussing whether Mason was here or not. He’d probably be driving himself crazy with worry, making himself sick with it, if Mason were stuck at headquarters without him, and the thought of that makes Mason feel even worse than he already does. It’s really best for the both of them that the vampire is here, buried in a metric fuckton of blankets (because even if he feels like he’s going to burn alive, the second he leaves them the sweat cools on his skin and leaves him trembling) looking into the blank, beady eyes of a patchwork plush cat.

His entire body aches, throbbing dully from the top down, but he reaches out with a heavy arm and turns it around so it’s not fucking staring at him anymore.

Juni’s been gone for a while, but Mason can hear him over the low ringing in his ears, puttering around in the kitchen. His senses are weakened by the bizarre magical illness Juni’s likened to the flu after hearing the symptoms, but he hears the detective humming quietly to himself, smells some spices and herbs he’s too exhausted to bother identifying over the low thrum of something metallic and familiar.

Mason's stomach growls at the same moment it churns. Hungry, but the very thought of consuming anything, blood included, makes him feel nauseous.

He doesn't know how Juni managed to sweet-talk Adam into handing over Mason's blood rations for the few days it would take this sickness to work its way through his body, but it makes him faintly irked he'll have to disappoint the detective when he tells him he doesn't even think his traitorous stomach can handle it, no matter how hungry he is. Juni always looks so pitiful when he can't help, soft doe eyes and pouty mouth and genuine, heartfelt distress rolling off him in waves. Mason groans into the pillow and comforts himself by drawing another detective-scented breath deep into his lungs.

And then Juni knocks on the doorframe (of his own fucking bedroom, because he's ridiculous, and Mason's chest squeezes) and calls, "Still alive in here?" softly teasing, his voice carefully lowered in deference to Mason's throbbing skull.

He makes a rough noise and tosses aside the pillow, because the only thing better than being buried in Juni-perfumed sheets is taking in the scent of him right from the source.

Juni always looks so different when he's at home. He relaxes, softens, like a bird coming to roost. His shoulders aren't so tense, his eyes stop darting like he's waiting for an attack (something Mason noticed even before Juni was actually under attack every other week) and he just, he looks settled and safe. After the shit he’s been through, he deserves to feel safe.

He opens his mouth to say something, but Mason just awkwardly squirms his way out of the blankets to free his arms enough to reach out.

"C'mere," he grunts.

Juni laughs, and the way his cheeks curve, the way they make his eyes crinkle at the corners, makes Mason hate whatever magic bullshit allowed him to get sick in the first place with a burning fury that feels like it's immolating him from the inside.

Or maybe that's the fever.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Juni teases when Mason growls. It's not as fierce as he hoped it would be, which is more than obvious when Juni only smiles indulgently at him.

He perches on the edge of the bed and smooths a hand over Mason's clammy forehead, making a soft, commiserating cooing noise. Mason wants to be annoyed, wants to growl again, complain about being coddled, but the sound that comes out of him is not a growl, or a curse, but a soft moan. He pushes up into Juni’s hand and closes his eyes.

“You’re still burning up,” Juni sighs, sinking his fingers into the vampire’s hair and scratching at his scalp. He moans again, lower and rougher. A little awkwardly, he adds, “Nate said you should, y’know, drink something.”

Mason’s stomach turns, and he grits his teeth and shakes his head.

“Mason.”

He shakes his head again, turning his face into the pillow again when it starts to make him dizzy. He wants to break something. He feels so pitiful.

“Mason, you’re not gonna get better if you don’t—”

“You ever seen someone puke blood, detective?” he snaps. Juni’s hand retracts sharply, and Mason keeps his eyes closed. He doesn’t want to see the hurt streaking across that soft, expressive face. “It’s not pretty,” he adds gruffly, and it takes all the strength in his flagging body to roll over and turn his back.

Juni’s quiet for a long moment, before soft fingers are sliding into his hair again,rubbing at the nape of his neck. “I had kind of a weird idea that might help, if you think you can stop pouting long enough to hear me out,” he says.

“You sure know how to sweet-talk a guy, huh?” Mason grumbles, but his body, an aching knot of sweaty tension, starts to slowly loosen up under the gentle petting.

Juni goes quiet again, and then, with a little laugh, he says, “Would it make you feel better if I told you you’re really cute when you’re all whiny?”

“How fucking dare you,” he snarls impotently into the pillow.

Juni laughs, and when Mason rolls over again to glower at him, he snorts trying to stifle it. “Do you want to hear my idea or not?”

“Not exactly in any position to stop you, am I?” Mason scoffs.

The detective pokes his nose. “Nope!” Mason nips at his finger, but his reflexes aren’t exactly great at the moment, and Juni just pulls it back with a smile. “I wanted to ask before I, like, ruined one of your blood rations for a weird experiment, but I’ve been doing research on different recipes that use blood—” “Why?” Mason interjects.

Juni flounders a bit, shoulders drawing up to his ears. “I… Well, I know you don’t like to eat human food, for good reasons, but sometimes I can convince Felix and Adam to try stuff I make, and Nate likes to eat sometimes, and I like… I like cooking for people? And I can’t really do that for you, because I know how overwhelming your senses can be, but you’ve said they’re kind of dull right now, so I thought maybe I could make, well… sort of a blood soup?"

Mason blinks at the detective.

Juni nervously babbles on to fill his befuddled silence. "If I thinned it out with a mild broth, I figured it would go down easier. And I know ginger is really strong on its own, but it also settles the stomach, and with the blood and the broth, it might help? I thought about adding some other things, but I tried to be picky with it, because even if your senses are dulled, I don't want to overwhelm you."

Mason chews it over, and even though he can tell his silence is making Juni nervous with every second that ticks by (fidgety, fussy, open and honest to a goddamned fault, a ball of nerves Mason wants to drag into bed and shield from the world) he can't really think of much to say, except, "Sure. Why the fuck not?"

"That's okay! I figured it was a long shot anyway, and—" Juni freezes, his knee-jerk anxious capitulation cutting off like he’s run into a brick wall. "What?"

"I'm already overwhelmed, sweetheart," Mason groans, and honestly, even talking is getting exhausting, his aching throat protesting every word he can manage to eke out. He wants Juni closer, wants to bury his face in his neck and hide like a wounded animal crawling its way home. "It honestly can't get worse at this point. If you think it'll help, I'll try it."

Juni still looks stunned, but is also clearly jangling with nervous excitement. Nate's used the term "puppyish enthusiasm" before when describing the way Juni lights up when he's actually able to help, and it's almost comically accurate.

Juni's bolted from the room before Mason's sluggish brain has a chance to even process the humor at the observation into a snort.

He's alone again, and if Juni were still here, he'd call what Mason's doing pouting, but he's scowling, damn it. Not that anyone's around to see it save for Juni's stuffed animals. He pulls the pillow to his chest, half-burying himself underneath the blankets again. He keeps his foggy focus stretched far enough to hear Juni in the kitchen again, making a game effort not to clatter around noisily and failing spectacularly. It's the thought that counts, Mason supposes.

It doesn't actually take all that long for him to come back, but it still feels like ages with how shitty Mason feels. He's painfully aware of every single ache in his body, radiating down to his bones, of the fever burning him up, the mutinous turning of his stomach even as it gnaws itself apart with hunger. He’s becoming so bogged down in the prison his ailing body has become, he almost doesn’t notice Juni pattering his way back into the room. Almost.

The second he crosses the threshold, Mason senses are honing in on everything they can about him, his smell, his warmth, the way his cozy sweater (it’s midsummer, for fuck’s sake, and sure the AC is cranked due to Mason’s fever, but it always is, because Juni’s body regulates temperature like a goddamned lizard and he hates the heat almost more than Mason does) makes him look soft and touchable. It takes him a long while to even notice the detective is carrying a tea tray with a bowl on it, as well as a glass of water, and when he does, he’s honestly not sure what to make of the smell.

Human food is overwhelming, usually. But usually, Mason’s sinuses aren’t swollen and borderline useless. Juni is walking as carefully as he can, and there is a palpable relief when he sets the tray down on his bedside table without incident. “I made the broth already, because I didn’t want it to take too long if you said yes. It actually smells, like, really good? Is that gross of me to say?”

Mason tries to push himself upright, and his muscles protest loudly enough that he can’t quite bite back a grunt of pain. Juni makes a sound like he’s been shot, and his hands are on Mason with an urgency that vibrates through his skin. Still, his touch is an instant balm to the vampire’s overwrought senses, his hands gentle as they ease him upright and fussily pile pillows behind him to support him. It fucking sucks to be so weak, but at least it’s only Juni seeing him like this. He can’t quite express why, when it feels like his head’s stuffed full of cotton, but he thinks it would suck a lot more if he were riding this out alone, or in a sterile room at HQ. He lolls his head towards Juni, his cheek smashing against one of a half-dozen goddamned pillows piled around him, and laughs weakly. “Gonna feed me too, Nurse Fenn?”

Juni blushes, and the usual rush of his blood doesn’t smack Mason in the face like usual, but it washes over him in a gentle wave of warmth, that tempting smell tickling the back of his tongue. “Do you need me to?” he asks, and it’s pretty clear he’s trying to make it sound teasing, but it comes out much more earnest than anything else.

Mason almost wants to say yes, but he also doesn’t want Juni to be in the splash zone if his stomach decides it can’t handle the detective’s little experiment. “Nah, I got it,” he grunts, reaching for the tray. It trembles dangerously when his shaking hands lift it, but Juni’s quick to steady it and guide it to his lap. He mutters a quiet thanks, and Juni mercifully doesn’t rib him for his uncharacteristic politeness. “You’d make a cute nurse, detective,” he says to cover the strangely loaded silence.

Juni laughs and sits on the edge of the bed, close but not quite touching. “I’m too squeamish,” he offers with a shrug that rubs their shoulders together.

“You just made me soup out of blood,” Mason says dully.

“I also have a borderline breakdown giving myself the same shot I’ve been giving myself every week for the last decade,” Juni retorts. “Do you really think I could do it for someone else?”

Mason snorts. “Probably not. Would kill to see you in one of those little dresses, though.”

The only thing protecting Mason from getting a hilariously ineffectual swat on the shoulder is the bowl of soup in his lap. He’s not even sure his current feeble condition would be enough to stop Juni otherwise. “Eat your soup, asshole,” Juni groans, covering his burning face with his hands. He peeks through his fingers after a moment’s hesitation, “And maybe I’ll show you the Halloween costume Tina got me as a joke a couple years ago when you’re feeling better.”

Mason’s whole body reacts to that, and he can’t be sure if the chill that rolls down his spine is due to the illness, or something else entirely. If nothing else, choking down some soup will be worth it, just for that promise.

The first spoonful goes down surprisingly easy. He doesn’t really taste much, at first, not even the coppery tang of blood. It’s thin, as Juni promised, so it doesn’t quite coat his mouth the same way fresh, raw blood would. Juni’s watching him with obvious concern, eyebrows scrunched together and plush bottom lip caught between his teeth. Either concern that Mason’s body is going to reject it fully, or he just won’t fucking like it. Probably both.

“It’s not too hot, is it?” Juni asks, touching Mason’s knee lightly through the blanket. He swallows his mouthful hard and bites down the urge to ask the human not to stop touching him.

“S’fine,” he grunts, trying to parse what exactly he makes of it at all. The warmth feels nice, soothing his raw throat. He takes another bite. He thinks he can sort of make out the individual spices underneath the taste of the blood and the broth (slightly watered down bone broth, he;d guess) but he can’t really smell them either. The ginger, at least, is obvious. He knows the smell enough to guess the taste, even with the complete lack of culinary experience. It’s, strangely enough, not horrible. It does taste mostly like thinned-out blood, which is weird, and gives him a sense of dissonance from the texture he expects blood to have. “Weird.”

Juni doesn’t seem to take offense to that. “Well, you’re not spewing it across the room like you’re possessed, at least, so weird is better than bad?” he laughs, squeezing Mason’s knee. “How’s your stomach?”

Mason takes a second to consider. “Not great, but not terrible.”

Juni almost deflates with relief. “And the taste? It’s not too much, is it? I can be kind of heavy-handed with my seasoning, so I tried to be really careful. It’s really only a pinch of salt, sage, and ginger, with a little bit of licorice root, which I know is kind of weird, but it’s good for sore throats?”

“Tastes like…” Mason screws up his face, realizing he has absolutely no context to work with. “I don’t know. I think I like it?”

Juni smiles like the goddamned sun, and it somehow makes his snarky little pet name for Mason that much funnier. “Really?”

Mason’s not sure he’d be saying the same thing if his senses weren’t dulled to near-uselessness by his traitorous body, but the way Juni looks, like he couldn’t be happier to be dealing with a sick, cranky vampire hogging his bed and sweating in his sheets, makes him bite his tongue. There’s always a brightness to the human when he brings food to the warehouse for Nate and Felix, he smiles so wide his face almost cracks when Adam crumples under the weight of those puppy eyes and takes the smallest portion of whatever concoction Juni’s brought to nibble on, and offers the most awkward compliment he can manage. Juni just likes doing things for people, providing for them any way he can. Food is his usual go-to, but if he can help at all, he’s happy.

I can’t really do that for you.

It almost makes Mason wish he could enjoy whatever the detective whips up in his cramped little kitchen, just to make him smile.

Christ, his brain must be more addled than he thought.

He manages a few more spoonfuls of soup before his stomach starts to feel uncomfortably full, but the gnawing hunger of going too long without drinking has gone away, and he doesn’t feel so much like he’s going to puke like he did earlier. He feels heavy, and tired, and honestly that’s one hell of an improvement. Juni’s quick to take the tray and spirit it off back to the kitchen, bending to press a quick kiss to Mason’s cheek before he goes, and when he returns, the vampire is slumped in his pillow nest and half-asleep, eyes shuttered to thin slits.

He feels more than he sees Juni approach, and when a gentle hand smooths over his clammy forehead, he pushes up into it with a raw, weak noise he has zero energy to be embarrassed by anymore. He reaches out blindly, tangles his fingers in the knit of his detective’s sweater, and tugs. He can’t be sure how it happens, a jumble of movement and complaining muscles, but Juni winds up in bed with him, slouched comfortably against the pillows so Mason can rest his head on the soft curve of his belly. The human plays idly, sweetly with his hair, twirling damp curls around his fingers.

“I’m sweaty,” Mason halfheartedly protests. Juni’s stomach rises and falls beneath his head. It feels like being on the ocean, like being rocked to sleep on quiet waves.

“I don’t mind,” Juni murmurs, thumb stroking the shell of his ear.

Before he can think of anything to say to that, he’s being pulled under, dozing off between one breath and the next.

48 notes · View notes

miraculouscontent · 3 years

Text

Didn’t Need Burrow (May 3rd-May 22nd)

Anonymous said:

Don’t Need Burrow to know that Ladybug’s distrust of Volpina will be played off as though she was simply jealous of her because she thought she was going to steal Adrien/Chat, even though she didn’t like Chat! Oh, but she did, she didn’t know it yet. That’s why she kissed him in Dark Cupid!

Not like she didn’t have a bunch of other reasons to distrust Volpina.

(the show also does this a lot where Marinette has an extra reason on top of “““jealousy,”““ like in “Oni-Chan” where the thing she was concerned about actually ended up happening, but the fandom boils everything down to jealousy anyway)

Anonymous said:

Didn’t Need Burrow: Su Han will take the Miraculouses from all the girls because he thinks girls don’t have the “physical and mental fortitude” to be heroes, giving them tto guys instead. The girls will find out about each others’ identities and join in the battle to get their Miraculouses back without any powers, led by Marinette, despite the fact that the genre of Miraculous Ladybug is supposedly Magical GIRL and thus the girls being powerful should be a given

(there was another part to this but I didn’t get it all so I clipped this ask a bit so it could work alone)

tbh the true ending should just be Marinette and the girls kicking each misogynist to the curb without any powers, and Su-Han goes last.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Luka and Zoe, from their styles and hints like the ice cream Luka holds in Truth and the flower on her shirt.... I'm sure at this point the writers will either send him on a tour with Jagged, or make him Zoe's bf offscreen somehow... Also more torture for Mari mentally :)

Of course. :)

Gotta make sure Marinette doesn’t have any choice but Adrien. :)

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Zoe will be Adrien's new love interest because she's "very sweet". Mari will be okay with it because she feels the Guardian must be alone. (And she's still punishing herself for hurting Luka.) The New-Bee and Chat also bond, making her feel even more alone. (But now Lila can't claim she's jealous and her hold over the class is lessened as Zoe becomes more popular.)

I’m super not here for Marinette punishing herself (and the show possibly presenting it as her “growing up” and “doing the right thing”) and for Ladybug getting jealous over the playboy cat.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Prince Ali/Rose turns out to be endgame, while Rose/Juleka gets Lukanette'd -- their relationship happened mostly off-screen and we only see them pulling apart. Juleka has to let Rose go so she can live out 'every girl's dream', possibly even being put on a bus/written out of the series.

In which the Couffaines aren’t allowed nice things because they’re poor-coded.

Anonymous said:

I can’t believe the Pig’s weapon is ACTUALLY a tambourine. I’ve had that down as my guess for the pig miraculous for ages but I never thought I’d actually be right. On that note - Didn’t Need Burrow: the Ox’s weapon will definitely be a hammer, and the Goat’s might be a shepherd’s crook or grappling hook, and the Rooster’s could be a horn.

Congrats on being right!

We’ll definitely see on the whole weapons things.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need a Burrow: That Rose's mysterious sickness from "Guiltrip" episode will be ignored in other episodes.

Honestly, it was ignored in “Guiltrip” too. Rose’s illness seemed to be related to headaches and then they literally have her headbanging in her transformation.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need a Burrow: After "Guiltrip", the dynamics of Juleka and Rose's relationship will revert to the "romantic standing next to each other somewhere in the background".

Just look at them doing [friendly task]... romantically!!

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Tikki's comments about not really understanding love are later treated as her being in denial about her being in love with Plagg. Because the two of them are 'soulmates' *just like Adrien and Marinette*, and there's no such thing as a PLATONIC bond. Plus, it's denying another feminine-identifying character the right to define and declare her own feelings -- she's not ALLOWED to not love him that way! If she says otherwise, she's either in denial or mistaken! Or both!

[flashbacks to “Animan” where Alya denies feelings for Nino as being “like a brother to her” and then gets together with him at the end of the episode]

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: In the upcoming Mr. Pigeon episode, Chat Noir's behaviour toward Mr. Ramier in Lies will not be brought up at all.

Yeah, this is why I knew writing “Lying on the Job” was the right choice. :P The show wasn’t going to do it.

(part of me hopes that this acts as a jinx but I doubt it)

soap-lady said:

Didn't Need Burrow: It will be revealed Adrien always knew about Mari's crush. He tells Plagg it's because not only would rejecting a friend be hard, her akuma would be even scarier than her dad. He later admits at the end of the episode to Plagg that having an "awesome person like Marinette" crushing on him makes him feel good about himself. The show will frame this as charming rather than egotistical.

wow i hate it

throw the whole man away, Marinette

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: The "reverse love square" will happen as a result of Adrien being drunk on a love potion/under the control of a spell which makes him fall for Marinette. This will result in Marinette being uncomfortable with Adrien's relentless pursuit of her...AGAIN...which is, of course, played for laughs...AGAIN. Her friends will probably shame her, saying, "why are you so upset? You used to like Adrien and now he's returning that affection! What is WRONG with you, Marinette?". Meanwhile, during battle sequences Chat Noir will be less playful and intrusive of Ladybug's personal space because he's in love with Marinette now and not her, which is good(minus the"in love with Marinette" part, obvs), except that it will cause Ladybug to suddenly fall in love with the new Chat Noir who is being respectful(and "just like Adrien used to act"), and she'll act like a giddy schoolgirl over him, which will be used to humiliate her for comedy as Chat treats her like a freak now. And no, the show will NOT "call him out" for suddenly being averse to the affections of the "girl of his dreams" but will treat him as justified, because guys who pursue girls are gentlemanly and entitled to love back, while girls who pursue guys are pushy and obnoxious. There will even be a lesson on how you shouldn't have to put up with unwanted advances. Chat will be the one to learn it. There will also be a lesson on how you can't force someone to love somebody else. Adrien will be the one to learn it.

Wow, how’d you get the synopsis to Season 5? Impressive! (⊙o⊙)

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Chat will complain about Ladybug not trusting him, so she tries trusting him with further responsibilities which he then shirks, blows off and whines about. Naturally, Marinette is Wrong for DARING to think that her 'partner' should share more of the burden -- no, she HAS to carry everything herself and enable him to keep treating their duty as a game! It's not FAIR for her to expect anything more from him--!

oh my god

he would *gestures loudly to “Lies”*

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Chat Noir will *deliberately* mess up a vital task that Ladybug assigned/entrusted him with, either to punish her for some petty/imagined slight (which is treated as Incredibly Serious and Deserving his retaliation) or because he simply doesn't want to have to deal with the extra responsibility. Much like somebody who 'never learns' the right way to load a dishwasher/do laundry/other chores so that somebody more responsible is forced to pick up their slack.

Sounds about right.

“Bonus” if Chat Noir is presented as in the right because Ladybug’s task was “too difficult”/”she didn’t instruct him right”/”you can’t expect him to be perfect on his first try,” or Chat Noir’s shirking is treated as “payback” for something she did that he maybe doesn’t even know about.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette gives up on becoming a fashion designer because her duties as Ladybug/Guardian take priority. Tikki protests not for Mari's sake, but because she enjoys her creative drive/justifies it as a form of honing Marinette's creativity. Thus the lesson is not that Marinette was Wrong because she deserves to have things that make her happy/goals outside of her duties, but because she can fold them into her Greater Purpose.

Miraculous: Tales of Marinette Not Being Allowed to Be Happy

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Chat Noir will be (temporarily) killed during one of his 'Pity/Praise Me!' stints, because he decides that he can't function without Ladybug kissing his ass and she's too busy fighting the akuma to coddle him. Naturally, this is presented as Marinette's F-Up of the Week that she must fix at all costs and apologize for, insisting once more that she 'can't do this without him' despite being constantly forced to do this without him.

It’s Ladybug’s fault that Chat keeps sacrificing himself, obviously! She’s just not telling him not to in the rIgHt wAy, and she should be

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Ladybug will finally learn the truth about how Theo was akumatized, but Chat Noir will insist that he didn't lie and that she really WAS to blame for it. And anyway, that was 'so long ago' that she's not allowed to be mad over it anymore. (Bonus: this or other episodes will have callbacks showing that Adrien is still salty over things like being 'stood up', with HIS frustration presented as perfectly valid, as there's no expiration date on HER screw-ups.)

[flashbacks to “Stormy Weather 2″ where Plagg retcons Ladybug’s avoidance of Chat’s date as her standing him up]

+ Yeah, I don’t see Adrien not having expiration dates on his mistakes, and his are always for the better (i.e: stealing the book in “Volpina,” which was wrong obviously, and then Marinette covered for him immediately to get him back into school).

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Chloe is given a 'redemption arc' after all... in the vein of her falling for Kim or some other male character and being convinced to change her ways for/by them. On top of being grossly sexist, this lets them slam Marinette even more, painting her as a failure who couldn't help Chloe despite that never being her responsibility in the first place.

“Bonus” if it’s Luka who does it.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Rather than confirming Juleka/Rose, CHLOE is officially revealed to be a closeted lesbian, retconning all of her bullying into the tried-and-trite 'They're only tormenting you because they LIIIIIKE you'. Bonus points if this is used to reinforce the notion that Chloe is irredeemable because 'Evil Jilted Lesbian can't be saved by Hetero LI'/she lied about crushing on Adrien/other toxic and heteronormative bullshit. AND her evilness is Mari's fault for not loving her back!

It’s always Marinette’s fault for not loving people back.

Also, this just reminds me of how much I hate the “lesbian bully” trope fdkjgdfgdfg.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Chat Noir throws another Pity Me Party in the middle of a fight; Ladybug is sniped by the akuma while scolding him to stop fooling around. Naturally, this is presented as HER fault for not immediately accommodating his demands for attention. After saving her, Chat mockingly echoes her words about concentrating and keeping her head in the game.

╰（‵□′）╯

EVERY TIME!!

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Chloe gets another chance at redemption by learning how to mimic Adrien/Lila and feign niceness. Whether or not her 'redemption' sticks depends upon her patience level; if she sticks to it and 'grows' into another Lila/holier-than-thou lecturer like Adrien, it's considered good (and Adrien gets full credit for helping her change 'for the better'), but if she goes back to being *openly* judgy and bitchy, it's another sign that she's 'irredeemable'.

Ugh, when Chloe’s options are either to be a Lila or an Adrien. All I feel is disgust.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: The Love Square is reversed when Adrien learns Ladybug's secret identity and decides to focus on pursuing her as Marinette. Mari is put off by his advances/still convinced that she can't HAVE a romantic relationship with all her other responsibilities, and is further distracted and concerned by Chat Noir growing distant (as he's bitter over his failures and taking it out on LB/holding a grudge after learning she confided in ALYA and not HIM).

i hate it

And of course the method of “now she’s not interested so I’M interested.”

Anonymous said:

Didnt Need to Burrow: Despite being 'twins' with Juleka, Luka will never show up in another episode. Ever. And the only mentions of him are only about the breakup. Even in Juleka-centric episodes, Luka will only be a passing mention. Oh, and Juleka will 100% stick to just mumbling outside of episodes where shes akumatized. Because gIrL poWeR

I’m honestly just--expecting Luka to have like one/two episodes, maybe to get a charm, and then he’s gone forever.

I don’t know if it’s a mercy or an insult, but the constant mentions of the break-up between Marinette and He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Outside-Of-Spiting-Him definitely are an insult.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need a Burrow: "Gigantitan <insert high number>" episode

ANYTHING BUT THAT.

Anonymous said:

Didn’t Need Burrow: Ladybug and Cat Noir will be able to power up in some way, but they have to form a special bond (this is implied to be a romantic bond). They use this power up to defeat Hawk Moth. bEcAusE tHe pOWeR oF “LoVe” cOnQUerS aLL! Bonus if the characters imply that Ladybug should’ve accepted his affections sooner (Adrien won’t be mentioned at all, i wonder why:p)

I’m cringing so hard right now. I hate everything about this because you sound so correct.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need a Burrow: Lila will be written out/ret-conned from a show because she was only a Unredeemed!Chloe stand-in for time of Chloe "redemption arc". Every speculation about Lila (next Hawkmoth etc) will be applied to Chloe instead as a "plot twist".

I’m half-expecting that she’ll get akumatized as a season finale bad guy, then just immediately move.

Anonymous said:

Didn't need Burrow: Alya is the one who comes up with the akuma repellent charms and Marinette is going to be jealous that Alya is so much a better guardian. Alya'll also probably be able to wrangle the kwamis better than Marinette.

Honestly I might as well just put this one on the card right now. :P

Anonymous said:

Didnt Need Burrow: When Ladybug tells Chat that she told somebody her secret identity, hes gonna be mad, talking about how she broke his trust and the show will portray it as her fault for breaking under the pressure of being guardian. Meanwhile the fandom is gonna be mad at Ladybug. Ignoring, of course, the entirety of the New York Special.

We could sum up the fandom card as just, “Adrien is right and a sad uwu sunshine child, Marinette is wrong and OP and doesn’t give Chat the respect he deserves.”

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Rose's 'mysterious illness' will naturally flare up during times where Pigella might have been useful, with Ladybug getting blamed for her flare-ups/worsening condition.

BANNED

I HATE IT DX

Anonymous said:

Didn’t Need Burrow: Building off of the “Adrien knows about Marinette’s crush and manipulated her for it”, any time Marinette does something Adrien doesn’t agree with or disagrees with Adrien himself, Adrien will play the cute, naïve, sad boi we all know and “love”, complete with Bambi eyes and gratuitous long eyelashes, forcing Marinette to give in to what he wants. This is treated as cute, quirky, and hilarious, never abusive, selfish, or misogynistic.

I mean, considering Chat Noir and “Chameleon,” yeah.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need a Burrow: a) Episode, where Chat Noir is even worse than in "Lies" b) Situation where Chat Noir during meeting with Ladybug is like always (M'lady, Bugaboo, unwanted psychical contact etc.) then Ladybug reveals that she recognized him as impostor because "real Chat Noir never will be so pushy" (bonus points if false Chat Noir is akumatized Felix) c) Writers somehow manage to put both above options in one episode (obviously with real Chat Noir being even worse than his impostor)

“Copycat” but worse

differenttriumphdragon said:

Didn't Need Burrow to somehow correctly predict Zoe's identity as a joke based solely on some blurry pictures and an offhand comment about "secret siblings". Like, a YEAR or two ago.

I’m guessing this is referring to the writers creating her?

Because yeah, probably.

Anonymous said:

Didn't need the Burrow: We will get Lukagami. One of the reasons will be the clash of the Tsurugi-Motto of "No Second Chances" and Luka's snake power of "Second Chance" resulting in some weird sparks flying.

*puts head into hands and groans loudly* kill meeeee

Anonymous said:

Don't Need a Burrow: The Multimouse!Mylene's model will be based on the Multimouse!Marinette's model (in the same way that the Rena Rogue's model is based on the Volpina's model)

plz no

plz

Anonymous said:

Didn't need burrow: Guilt trip hints at Adrien having actual depression, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but knowing the show, two things will happen: 1. His depression will only exist to make people feel bad for him instead of exploring his mental state and seeing him working through it, and 2. his depression will be magically cured when the LS becomes canon because "true love heals all your mental issues".

All of the above, yes. :|

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Ladybug gets a fresh new look (for the sake of more Real-Life ML Merch), and Chat Noir gets sulky about it. Both because he didn't get an upgraded appearance at the exact same time (despite doing absolutely nothing to earn it), and because he didn't get any input on her new look. So he passive-aggressively complains about the change, saying he preferred 'classic Bugaboo', and Marinette is presented as Wrong for not letting him dictate her power or appearance.

*stares at “Mr. Pigeon 72″* I’m waiting.

Anonymous said:

Didn't need burrow: Imagine after you made that fic where Bustier and D'argencourt get the miraculous they reveal in the show that Bustier's husband/boyfriend/fiance is D'argencourt.

I WILL DIE.

OF LAUGHTER? OF PAIN???

THE ANSWER IS “YES.”

“Bonus” if it’s a DJWifi dynamic where Bustier can get D’Argencourt to do whatever she wants and suddenly becomes aggressive/upset when he doesn’t, which D’Argencourt immediately folds to (because the only “““girl power”““ the show knows is “lol girls are scary when they’re mad”).

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: The Love Square gets 'Reversed' via Alya deciding that Marinette MUST have a crush on Chat as well, since she personally ships LadyNoir. All insistence to the contrary is waved off as denial, and Alya is bound and determined to hook up her BFF with ONE of her crushes, come hell or high water. Thus, Mari gets shoved towards Chat in much the same way she's forced towards Adrien, creating much awkward hilarity at her expense.

Marinette’s entire being: i want to go home

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya learns about Marinette getting jilted by Chat Noir during 'Weredad', possibly from Tom and/or Sabine. She rubs this into Mari's face as proof positive that she really DOES have a thing for Chat, crowing about how she 'does her research' while teasing her about her awful luck with guys. This casual cruelty is 'balanced' by her insistence that she'll help her hook up with ONE of them by forcing her towards both.

Alya, looking at her plans and just shrugging: Hey, now her odds of getting a guy are doubled as far as I’m concerned.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya will insist that all of Marinette's romantic woes are her own fault due to her being interested in multiple guys. (Mainly meaning Adrien and Chat Noir; 50-50 on whether she acknowledges Luka's existence as more than just proof of her 'fickle heart'.) She 'supports' her by shoving her into humiliating scenarios with her love interests, blaming all her failures on her 'divided loyalties' and giving her grief for being a 'dirty two-timer' that can't even get off first base.

Yyyyup.

And of course Luka would only be mentioned to shade Marinette.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Tikki will keep nagging Marinette about her inability to solve her romantic woes until Mari snaps that Tikki doesn't know what she's talking about, throwing her own words about how kwami don't understand love back in her face. Naturally, this is Mari's Mistake Of The Week, as Tikki is driven to tears over the rebuke and all the other kwami get pissed off at Marinette for upsetting her, giving her grief until she apologizes. Tikki barely apologizes in return, if at all.

Ugh, I am just dreading an almost-inevitable “all the kwami are mad at Marinette” episode, since Marinette literally cannot escape from them since the Miracle Box is in her room.

Anonymous said:

(Mylene's personality anon) Don't Need a Burrow: Mylene's "Marinette's trait" will manifest in Multimouse!Mylene's introduction episode.

Mylene: Soon, I will have successfully swiped a personality trait from each of my friends to form one of my own.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need a Burrow: Characters who are popular fandom choices for alternate Miraculous Holders (Bee!Aurore, Fox!Lila, Cat!Felix etc) are akumatized into evil versions of Core Five Miraculous Team (Ladybug, Cat, Fox, Turtle and Bee)

Season 2462 finale.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: There will be more immediate self-contradictions, where Marinette is berated about how something she's doing/done is Wrong, badgered into following somebody else's 'good advice', and then promptly punished for doing so when the results blow up in her face. These turnarounds will become so fast that they happen within the same episode. Naturally, this is treated as entirely her fault.

At the rate her treatment is escalating, I would be 0% shocked. Still disappointed, but not shocked.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need a Burrow: It will turn out that the mysterious future Hawkmoth successor that Timetagger talked about is simply the Shadow Moth.

I laughed at this one so hard because it’s so accurate. I don’t know for sure if it’s a reference to the whole “new villain who’s been around since the beginning who just turned out to be Shadow Moth” thing but omg.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: The akuma-resisting pendants are used as an excuse to push Marinette even further past her breaking point, subjecting her to ever worse humiliations and traumas. If the fact that she basically NEEDS the pendant to survive is ever brought up, it's in a chiding way; obviously, as Ladybug, she needs to be mentally stronger than this and not rely on a 'crutch'. Nobody else is insulted for needed the pendants' protection.

Imagine the pendants as metaphors for medication and this takes on a whole new meaning.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: In a counterpart to "Chat Blanc", one episode visits a Bad Future where Marinette was akumatized. Naturally, this is depicted as entirely her fault, with both Maris being raked over the coals. No matter what the breaking point was, it's treated as though it was petty and pathetic for her to let it effect her so much. For bonus points, this was at a point after she got the pendant, but she accidentally ditches or pitches it while reacting to whatever broke her back.

Especially with the reveal of two new seasons, I’m very much expecting Marinette to get akumatized at some point.

“Bonus” for a “Miracle Queen” set-up where Adrien needs to wear the ladybug miraculous and is suddenly good at it despite being awful at it before, ala Snake Noir.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette will wind up making most of the anti-akuma amulets. This is purely so that, when they inevitably fail, she can be blamed for it.

It’ll probably be like--Marinette needed to do something specific to make the pendants and they’re “only as strong as she is.”

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: The Love Square gets reversed when Alya decides she ships LadyNoir more than MariAdri, pushing her newfound agenda over her BFF's protests. Meanwhile, Adrien reveals that he knew all along about Marinette's crush, starting to pursue her because he just doesn't uNdErStAnD why she's pulling away, feeling entitled to having her chasing after him even if he never intends to actually reciprocate. Marinette is caught in the middle and blamed for all this drama.

Marinette, counting down the days where she can finally drink alcohol.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: One or some of Adrien/Chat Noir's past lies gets revealed to Marinette/Ladybug... for the sake of a moral about forgiveness and 'letting things go'. Meanwhile, he continues to grouse and hold grudges against Ladybug for her supposed slights against HIM without being seriously challenged.

I’m seething.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette is shown a 'better world' wherein she never developed a crush on Adrien. In this 'better world', Ladybug and Chat Noir are romantic partners. Bonus points if this pushes forward the agenda of reversing the Love Square by getting Marinette to start seriously considering Chat as a potential love interest, treating this as her 'missing the point' of what she was shown... even if the goal was rather unclear beyond guilt-tripping her for having FEELINGS and DESIRES.

The true goal/moral is that Chat’s feelings are valid while Marinette’s are not.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need a Burrow: Hawkmoth will somehow get Black Cat Miraculous and attack as Moth / Cat Fusion (Cat Moth?). After defeating this form, Black Cat Miraculous will be taken from him and without any questions returned to Adrien. Whole thing will happen in one episode.

“Bonus” if Hawk Moth just stumbles upon the ring and doesn’t question it.

Anonymous said:

Didn’t Need Burrow: All Ladybug and Black Cat Holders are soulmates/ have gotten romantically involved. This gives Chat even MORE motivation to invade LB’s boundari-I MEAN to pursue her. Also, LB reacts in horror to this (who wouldn’t?) but its played for laughs.

At this point, I feel like this is the only way for them to push the love square as hard as possible. “Chemistry” has just flown out the window and they need a crutch.

Anonymous said:

Don't Need a Burrow: Reveal that Rose has rich parents because ML writers can't make sad blond(e) character who doesn't have rich parents (and also to increase the "You see! They love each other despite so many differences between them" factor of JuleRose)

Zag, “Stop Giving Rich Kids Sad Backstories” Challenge.

Part of me imagined an episode that just shipbaits JuleRose constantly, with Juleka constantly asking Luka and others advice on “getting closer to Rose,” which just ends up being Juleka asking Rose to be best friends.

#Didn't Need Burrow

53 notes · View notes

diosefm · 3 years

Text

FROM THE DESK OF DIOSE VALEY II

when: all of these letters were written during the dawn of day two of the train hijack where: written in her train car, all letters were left on people’s rooms in the morning of day two. for those in train one, letters should be delivered the next time everyone sees each other triggers: mentions of death, threats of violence, paranoia mentions: cabil, mommy pista, @pista-clearmark , @givcnup , @cinnc, @swannscngs , @blythefm , @sinksand & tiberius who is still dead

CABIL,

I know that after your conversation you probably do not wish to hear of me again, and I understand. After everything that has happened and what has been done to you, I don’t think that us Capitol people really deserve people’s pity. I don’t intend to ask you for that, nor do I want to ask for your forgiveness. I just needed to write you this and thank you for not coddling me.

I deserved it. And not because I want to victimize myself. I’ve never been a victim, more like a victimizer. I am seeing that now. It’s almost astounding what you can realize when those you have hurt have the opportunity to tell you what they really think about you in your face. And you might have not done that outright, but your message was very clear to me.

I won’t bore you with my inner conflicts. I am writing this because Pista mentioned something to me, something about you having someone waiting for you back home. And again, I know that this really isn’t any of my business but this is something I really want to do and would be honored if you say yes.

In the event that you were to marry your girlfriend, I would love to pay for everything and offer my services as a designer. You don’t have to say yes. All I ask is that you keep this letter and if one day you are able to forgive me, my offer will still stand.

Best wishes, Diose Valey.

HELENA,

I apologize for subjecting you to this. I can only imagine how awkward it must be to receive a letter from a complete stranger, especially one that is so deeply personal and filled with apologies.

But, I feel the need to apologize for putting your son in danger. It was easy for me to just involve Pista because I vaguely knew of him and his knowledge of trains and that was the only thing that mattered to me. It wasn’t until I saw the way you looked at him that something stirred inside of me. It made me think of my own mother, made me wonder if she had ever looked at me with such love and devotion. I’m scared of finding the answer.

I don’t want to talk about you. My intention is to tell you how sorry I am that I involved Pista in my plans. They worked, yes, but we were lucky. No, more than that. Your son refused to leave me when things god bad. I wanted to make him promise that he wouldn’t because I kept thinking of you and I couldn’t let something happen to him and hurt you. But he shot me down. And not only that, but showed me the empathy I never expected to receive given who I am. That’s what made me see what an amazing job you did raising him. I can only hope that if life ever gives me the chance of being a mother, I can be like you.

Once again, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for dumping this on you and for almost taking Pista away from you.

PISTA,

It wasn’t until I was able to lie down in bed that I remembered you. Your face was familiar, of course. I’d catch glances of you every year at the Capitol, but I couldn’t quite place you until I was left alone with my thoughts. At first I only remembered you due to Slate mentioning you during our conversations. It’s what made me come to you for help. My head just told you knew trains, having always being a hard worker who never got into trouble. But of course, Slate never mentioned your games. I remembered those on my own.

I was just a teenager so the memories are fuzzy at best. And of course, I didn’t pay attention. I was self absorbed, just saw a sobbing boy I foolishly thought had a lot of growing up to do. But there is always more than meets the eye. It’s curious, really. I would have never thought that decades later you would be the one actually helping me mature.

You didn’t have to help me. You could’ve just left me to my own devices and stayed with your people. I keep thinking about your mother, about how I wouldn’t forgive myself if you didn’t come back to her because of my doing. It’s why I begged for you to not wait for me. Slate never taught me anything. I just couldn’t bear the thought of being the one that left a mother without her child. Which is stupid, really. That is something I have been doing for decades, just dressing up children before they’re sent to their deaths. And I know that many of the parents do want their children there, but I refuse to use that to justify my actions. Maybe that worked in the past, but not anymore.

I don’t think I really understood what empathy was until who had some for me despite of who I am. And yes, I am aware of how awful that sounds now. I wasn’t lying to you when I said I was working on dealing with all of this. I’ll keep trying.

GRIFFIN,

Thank you.

I could say more. Go on a tangent and talk about how much I dislike you, but that is unnecessary right now. All that you told me did bother me, but it was all because none of the things you mentioned were a lie. I guess that’s what I needed. And I hope you enjoyed it, because it is not happening again. Not because I cannot bear the thought of you having the upper hand, but because I hope that after everything that has happened, we can see eye to eye.

You might not know this, but I was very close to Nelly once. And despite everything and the years I spent away from her, i still trust her judgement. And if she likes you and has taken care of you for years, it must be because you are worth it. I just pray you don’t ruin anymore of my dresses. Hating you is pointless, especially over something to silly. And now that we are seeing eye to eye now, well, I’ve taken it upon me to ensure you don’t hurt that woman.

You are a good man, Griffin Cripes. I apologize for not seeing it until now.

CINNA,

This is obvious to everyone, but it still has to be said. I need to confront these feelings if I truly want to be be able to seek repentance.

I tried to sabotage you. I screamed and complained for what seems like hours, angry that someone had dared to overshadow me. I blamed you for whatever minuscule thing that happened to ruin my day when you first started working for the games. I made plans, swore I would find a way to ensure you would not get any more work after what had been done to me. I thought you were personally trying to ruin my reputation, but it was just my paranoia and Tiberius encouragement making it all worse.

I feel like the past few days my mind has come up with a million excuses that would attempt to paint me as the victim, but I swear that is never my intention. I have a lot to work on, just like I have so many people I need to apologize to. And you’re one of them, hence this letter.

It is an awful attempt at it, I know. I keep repeating this to myself and others, but I am trying. I promise I will have something better once we see each other face to face again. I just need time to properly deal with my own conflicting emotions, but I am sure you understand.

SWANN,

My behavior in the past was not the best. Not towards you, and especially not towards Virgo.

I was possessive and overprotective, that I am ready to accept now. Paranoid too. With so many people whispering into my ears, I was led to believe you had ulterior motives and did not truly care about my sibling. But it was far from it, wasn’t it? I certainly could have brought this up during our conversation, give you a better apology but... Maybe I am a coward. Destroying lives and relationships is easy, but building them is what I seem to struggle with.

Even after our meeting, I left your train car and still asked myself if I had done enough to apologize. After a few hours, I realized I hadn’t. So you get this stupid, sentimental letter that is still not gonna feel like enough. Virgo would be much better at all of this, but I don’t have them with me right now. But on their behalf, I owe you not only several apologies, but a big thank you.

They are not like me. It has its pros and its cons. They’re their own person, and many of what they’ve accomplished is also because of you. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you this.

---

TIBERIUS,

With your connections, I am sure that by the time you read this you will know what I have done.

I don’t regret anything, Tiberius. If I am writing you one last letter before I put an end to our correspondence for good is because I need you to understand how much I’ve learned to despise you these past few weeks. I almost can’t believe that at one point I dared to think that I ha— No, I’m not doing this.

If I see you lurking around me, my sibling, or Slate I swear that all the things I’ve done to people throughout the years (so many of them for your own benefit) will seem like mere child’s play compared to what will happen if you force me to unleash my rage upon you. The bullshit about everyone that isn’t us being an enemy is over. I know who the real enemy is now.

I’m not scared of you. Never was, and never will. Fuck you.

BLYTHE,

I don’t know the truth. Virgo won’t talk to me, but they’re also absolutely terrible at keeping things hidden. I’ve seen the letters and the paintings, so I can only assume that something is going on between you two. And it did bother me. First because I didn’t think you were enough. I told myself that was the only reason, that I was just looking out for them but now I’ve realized I was tricking myself into not accepting that for the first time in my life, I was jealous of them.

You probably won’t care about this. In fact, I am sure that before I finish this sentence this letter will already be destroyed. But I need to put this somewhere not only for my own sake, but for Virgo. If there is someone that does not deserve to suffer because of me, it’s them.

They had a proper childhood, I did not. They are now able to experience something I have only heard about due to those corny TV dramas they love so much. And it hurts. I kept it to myself. Showing vulnerability is something I have never allowed myself to do, but when it involves love and caring, I had to bury my feelings somewhere. Except I buried my worries and let my anger and jealousy affect them. It’s not happening again. Regardless of these feelings still being present, I cannot continue hurting them just because for once, they’re thriving at something I am not.

If you are still reading, this letter is a plea for you to take care of them. And a threat as well. Because if you dare to hurt them in any way, I can promise you that all those feelings I’ve buried will come out and you will learn what dealing with what I am capable of doing when I am upset.

AVEN

I loved Desmond. Friendships don’t come easy to me, but he was talented enough to change that and earn a place in my inner circle. His last name helped, yes, but at the end of the day that was not why we remained closed.

After he was gone, blaming you was easy. Spreading rumors gave me a purpose, made me believe I had the upper hand, that I still knew better. But what I made others whispers behind your back wasn’t the only information we had. Many of us just refused to listen to it. At the end it benefitted no one but Snow.

I’m sorry you lost your husband. That was what you deserved to hear years ago instead of our complaints and unfounded grievances. I have no way of fixing the damage I caused. I will not attempt to excuse it. It happened and you suffered deeply for it. That is what matters.

Maybe one day you will allow me to not only explain myself, but apologize. I still have a lot to do in regards to facing all the horrible things I did and what the Capitol’s indoctrination did to my psyche, but I hope that by the time we have a chance to see each other, I will have more to offer you than an I’m sorry.

#emberstask #sp #DIOSE VALEY'S REDEMPTION TOUR 2K21 #dm me for a free tshirt

6 notes · View notes

ghost-town-story · 3 years

Text

chazzawrites challenge 26

Day 26. Self promo time! Share a snippet from another project that you’re proud of.

(From Nova, the last chapter of the “intro”. This is so fucking long lol. Like, 4 pages of wall-of-text writing. But I like it so here ya go. Also warning for briefly mentioned/mostly glossed over past torture of a character, if that’s something you’d like to avoid)

Myles Kerrick Lunacen scowled up at the front door of the house. Up until the triplets were five, Myles had been a regular visitor to his childhood home. Of course, that was before the night that changed his life, the night he lost all faith in his parents’ promises to protect him, the night where what had once been a safe place turned into yet another cage.

One minute he had been stumbling home drunk after a night out, the next he was collapsed in an alleyway, a storm swirling around him and what looked like silver blood dripping from his mouth. He had blacked out, and next thing he knew he was strapped down to a chair as people in masks pressed a branding iron to his forearm. The next time he woke was to his father bandaging his arm as his mother prattled on about some exception being made for him. Myles rubbed his left arm as it ached, the pain of that night never really going away just like the brand they had left on his arm.

But despite everything, he could never truly stay away. He loved his little siblings too much, and he felt he had to protect them when their parents would inevitably fail. Especially James. Naïve, unsuspecting James.

Myles assumed his overwhelming urge to be home for breakfast was related to the eldest of his younger siblings, and so as he always did, he sucked up his dislike of his childhood home and let himself in.

He was immediately greeted with the sight of James sliding down the tail end of the banister, only to trip upon landing and crash into Myles.

“Oh f—I’m sorry,” James apologized as he got his feet back under him, only to start as he realized who it was. “Myles!”

“Hey little brother.” Myles ruffled his hair. No wonder this kid had been in so many accidents by the time he was fifteen. Whatever would happen with him, it was bound to be memorable.

“What are you doing here?”

“I can’t visit my little siblings?”

James put his hands on his hips. “Whenever you do, you usually go out of your way to avoid being seen by anybody but us. And if Mom does see you, you two always fight.” His voice was a tad accusatory.

Myles winced. “Take it at face value Jamie, I wanted to be here for breakfast today.”

James scowled. “Oh, I see what’s happening. You’re in the mood for a fight and decided to pick two. The inevitable with Mom and one with me.” A voice called from the kitchen, and James turned on his heel.

“Oh, is that what you think Jay Jay?” Myles really didn’t tease James as much as his other siblings. In part, it was because Myles pitied him for what was to come, but today he decided there would be time enough for seriousness later and that James deserved a little bit of teasing.

James visibly flinched. “Don’t call me that.” All the fight had suddenly left him, and his voice was uncharacteristically quiet.

“What? Why?” Myles was confused by this sudden change in his brother.

James hesitated for a moment, then turned back to Myles, his signature grin on his face. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” But Myles could see the smile was fake. James was hiding something.

Before Myles could press him further though, James pushed his way through the door into the kitchen. Myles reluctantly followed, making a note to get James alone later to talk.

“James!” When their mother noticed him, she left the stove to fuss over him. “You should be in bed!”

“Mom, I’m fine.” James pushed her away with a grimace.

“Fever and nausea over the whole weekend is not fine.”

“No fever, no nausea, I’m fine Mom. Do you think I’d even try if I wasn’t 100% better? I know you and Dad well enough by now I’d say.”

Myles muffled a snort as James ducked under their mother’s outstretched arm, making a beeline for the fridge. James didn’t even realize how much he didn’t know.

“I’m worried about you James.”

Myles raised an eyebrow. Surely, she couldn’t be thinking he was going to activate soon? Even with the current trend, there was still a few more years until they had to worry. The youngest so far had been twenty, and James was only fifteen.

“Yes, but I’m not a child Mom.” James turned from the fridge with his prize of orange juice. “Plus, if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll bring my tech goggles so I have a way to leave if I start to feel worse again. And Will and Bella will be along to watch me too.”

“Fuck that, I’m not watching James,” Bella snapped as she entered.

“Language, Belladonna,” their mother scolded

Myles couldn’t help but wish that James’s fate had landed on Bella instead. She had the name for it at least.

“Fine then.” James was getting irritated. “Will, then.”

“What am I doing?” Will asked.

Myles was amazed he had remained unnoticed thus far, with more people entering the kitchen as James and their mother argued.

“Watching me today since apparently feeling better doesn’t actually mean shit,” James said.

“Well there’s one good solution,” Will said, snagging the orange juice from James. “Stay home.”

“Fuck all y’all,” James snapped, turning on his heel and storming out.

Myles slipped out after him, ignoring the startled gasp of his name. “What’s got you so peeved off little brother?”

“Don’t you start.”

“I’m just asking.”

There was a pause.

“I’m tired of being treated like I’m delicate.”

“If you were you probably wouldn’t be here.”

James shot him a sidelong glare, and Myles shut his smart mouth.

“Do I get into a lotta dumb situations? Yes. Am I a lot better prepared to deal with dumb situations? Also yes. Am I gonna fall off the roof of a building again? Probably not, but if I do I can fucking teleport away before I actually hit the ground again. Am I gonna get hit by a car? No because I’m not fucking four and don’t know what the fuck is going on and get caught in a vision in the middle of the fucking road. I’m tired of being treated like a fucking child!”

“James, you are only fifteen.”

“I know but I’m smarter than that,” James seethed. “I’m smarter than they fucking think but all they see is the scars left by me learning.”

Something clicked in Myles’s head. “You had a vision.”

James jumped as if burned.

“And that’s why you’re so insistent on going to school today.”

James shook his head. “No. I mean yes—No, my vision had nothing to do with school today, but I have this feeling I need to go. You get what I’m trying to say?”

“Your destiny is coming for you.”

James narrowed his eyes at Myles. “What do you mean by that?”

But before Myles could say anything, they were interrupted by Alexis flying down the stairs and crying out Myles’s name as she jumped into his arms.

“Go grab your stuff little brother,” Myles said as he swung her around. “I’ll walk you to school today.”

James recognized his thinly veiled We’ll talk later, and nodded, disappearing around them back upstairs.

“You didn’t tell us you were coming to visit,” Alexis complained as Myles set her back down.

“It was a last-minute decision,” Myles told her.

“Why did you come home?” It was their mother.

“Felt like it.” And that was, surprisingly, the truth. “I’m going to walk James to school once he gets back down here.”

“James—”

“Is going to go whether you allow him or not, so get over it,” Myles cut her off. Secretly, he was proud that James had almost as much of a rebellious streak as he did.

“There’s no need for him to put himself at risk.”

Myles shooed his little sister off to the kitchen. She didn’t need to, couldn’t hear what they were talking about. “You and I both know he’ll be a risk one day,” he said lowly. “Nothing you do to protect him will stop it. One day, something’s gonna set him off and he’s gonna activate. You want it to be here?”

“There’s less to set it off here,” was his mother’s murmured reply. “And you think I’m not monitoring him whenever he’s home?”

“But why are you protecting him now?” Myles retorted. “He’s only fifteen, he still has a couple more years before we need to worry.”

His mother shook her head.

“No,” Myles said quietly. “No, he’s only fifteen. The youngest so far—”

“Seventeen or eighteen. A rebel.”

“But he’s still too young.”

“Then explain his magic fluctuating more than his visions account for,” his mother hissed.

“I don’t know, why don’t you try asking him?” Myles spat. “Tell him everything, then maybe he’ll be more honest with you and you can get answers. Stop lying to him Allison.”

Myles was pleased at his mother’s wince, but he continued. “James will figure out something’s up soon enough if you keep trying to coddle him more than Will or Donna.”

“You know I can’t Myles.”

“You’re not chipped. They don’t control you. Not like the others.”

“They don’t control you either.”

Myles laughed humorlessly. “I may not have a chip Allison but you still control me. Ever since you fucking tied me down and branded me you’ve controlled me. Don’t fucking try to say otherwise.”

His mother winced again. “Myles, I’m sorry—”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it,” Myles snarled. “Sorry doesn’t excuse the fact you and your people made the decision to brand me, without making sure I’d stay knocked out the whole time, without numbing me up, without anything. Sorry doesn’t excuse the fact that you didn’t give a shit then.”

Any further conversation was cut off as Myles registered something flying towards him and spun aside. He realized it was a messenger bag as it twirled through the space he had just occupied, and he snagged it out of the air.

James came sliding down after it. At the bottom he jumped from the railing, tucking into a roll as he landed. He popped up, a wide grin on his face. “That went better than expected,” he chirped before realizing his mother stood there.

His face fell, but Myles just tossed his bag back at him. “Warn a guy next time you’re about to throw shit at him,” he teased.

“Gotta test them reflexes,” James retorted. He glanced nervously at their mother, who just sighed.

“Have fun dear,” she said. “And be careful.”

“I always try,” James replied, nettled.

“And Myles.”

Myles bristled, baring his teeth in the beginnings of a snarl.

“You know what you’re supposed to do.”

Myles snarled softly, but to his surprise James tugged him away and out the door. Probably didn’t want to lose his tenuously won freedom.

“Easy tiger,” James said as they descended the front steps and made their way to the sidewalk.

Myles meowed, half-heartedly swiping at James, who danced aside.

“Hey Myles?”

“Yeah?”

“I might have overheard a little bit of that conversation.”

Myles stiffened. “How much?”

“Not a lot,” James admitted. “Honestly, just your last bit.” He paused. “What did Mom do to you that she’s trying to apologize for now?”

Myles tugged his brother to a stop and leaned down to look him in the eye. “James, look,” he sighed. “The important thing is to remember that in some ways, you are so much luckier than others.”

“I know that,” James muttered, trying to tug his arm out of Myles’s grip. “That’s not an answer Myles.”

“And in others,” Myles continued, not letting go but letting his grip slip so he was holding James’s left forearm, where his brother already bore the same brand, “your fate is worse.”

James pulled again, and this time Myles let him go. “You’re always so cryptic Myles,” James mumbled, cradling his left arm close.

“I know,” Myles replied, standing straight again. But as he started to walk off again, James didn’t move.

Myles slowed and turned around. “Coming little brother?”

“Myles, can you cut the cryptic bullshit for a minute?” James asked. His voice was quiet, compared to his usual over-the-top antics.

Myles sighed. “I can’t promise anything James.”

James sighed. “What did Mom do?” he asked again. “And what do you guys know?”

Myles decided to avoid that first question. “What do you mean what do we know?”

“You and Mom know something,” James said. “About me. I want to know what.”

Myles knew the kid was more perceptive than their mother wanted to believe. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?” James bristled.

“James, look.” Myles stepped closer and lowered his voice. “I’m being watched. Don’t ask,” he headed off the questions he was sure his little brother had. “But, when the time is right, I’ll be able to tell you more. Ask me then. I promise I’m not keeping secrets just to spite you little brother.”

James sighed. “You promise you’ll tell me everything?”

“Promise.”

James nodded. “Alright,” he murmured. “Let’s get going. Before Will and Bella catch up and wonder what we were doing.”

“Wise plan,” Myles chuckled as they continued on their way.

Silence fell for a moment, until James broke it. “I understand if you can’t answer this,” he started.

“More questions,” Myles sighed with a grin, but as James hissed and turned away, he tugged James back to face him. “I’m only teasing little brother. Go ahead.”

James turned away sulkily. “I was going to ask,” he said icily, “if you could explain your destiny comment from earlier.”

“That one I can answer,” Myles said, but as James turned to him hopefully, he scowled. “Don’t get your hopes up kiddo. I was making a guess, that’s all. You’re the one with cryptic prophetic visions and all.”

“But you know, don’t you. What’s going to happen?”

“I have an idea,” Myles said carefully. “But after all, the future’s not set in stone little brother. At least from my perspective.”

“Yeah,” James muttered, his expression subdued as he stared down at his feet.

After a moment, he spoke again. “Myles, can you keep a secret?”

“Of course little brother.”

James kept his eyes down as he spoke. “I don’t think I’m coming home again.”

Myles felt a sharp stab of panic that he tamped down. “Vision?”

“Not really.” James absently kicked at a pebble and watched as it rattled down the street. “But Myles, I’ve never seen any of you in my visions.”

“That doesn’t mean we’re not there James.”

James just hummed.

“But that’s not all, is it,” Myles prompted him.

“I have this… feeling I’m never going to see Mom or Dad or Lexi again.”

“Something’s going to happen at school today.”

“I think so.”

“So why not stay home?”

“I’m not one to run when I’m scared Myles.” James shot his brother a weak grin. “Like you said, my destiny is coming for me, right? I won’t run from it.”

They were outside James’s school now, and the brothers paused. “Besides,” James said, facing Myles, “I have the feeling I’ll get answers sooner if I don’t run.”

Myles caught James’s arm as he started to turn. “Tomorrow. Wherever you end up. Come find me. I’ll be able to explain things more then.” If their mother was right, if James’s visions meant he was going to activate today, then Myles would be free to tell his brother everything after today.

“I’ll try.” James’s smile was sad.

Myles hesitated, but as James was not more forthcoming with words, he reluctantly nodded and let go of his little brother.

James took a few hesitant steps towards the school gate. “Myles?” His voice was quiet and small, so unlike him normally.

“Yes?”

“I lied. Earlier.”

“About?”

“I will see all of you again. But I won’t be the same.”

“Of course you won’t be.”

James’s smile was still sad as he looked at his older brother. “Of course you’d think that.” The scars on his face were thrown in stark relief by the early morning sun, a gruesome reminder of the toll James’s visions had already taken on him.

“James—”

“Goodbye Myles.”

And before Myles could say another word, James turned and dashed into the school.

#writing #in which i write #writersociety #snippets #nova #chazzawrites challenge #writeblr things

2 notes · View notes

bunnis-babes · 5 years

Text

So tumblr is being a whore and won’t let me post this request, so I have to post it separately. Essentially it’s about the boys chosen with an innocent sweet fem!s/o. Enjoy.

Oof, this fluff seems like something I just wanna face-plant in. Like, stuff like this is super cliché, but also some of the most fun to write. Also, simple ones like these make it so much easier to expand and imagine what the boy’s reactions will be. Thank you, I love you! (Also, HC’s might be short because fuck Tumblr post limits)

Bakugou

💥As we all know our boy is already emotionally stunted, so this is very taxing for him.

💥He swears she’s teasing him, what with the soft way she looks at him that makes his heart explode, and the way she smiles that makes him want to kiss her right then and there. He’s got it, and he’s got it BAD for her.

💥She’s always so gentle with her words and she’s always giving him hugs and cuddles that he can’t really bring himself to turn down… and always leaves him with a problem…

💥He really really likes this girl, and really really wants to be with her, but she is sending out totally mixed signals

💥One minute she’s hugging and flirting with him, the next she’s all over fucking deku! What the hell?

💥This won’t deter him, of course, because he’s always going to work harder to get what he wants… and he wants her.

💥He decides he’s going to actively flirt with her, well his version of flirting at least. It can hardly be classified as flirting, but he’s trying his best.

💥Yet every time he does something even a little bit romantic, she always out does him with that huge and beautiful smile. That damn adorable smile.

💥It makes his heart beat out of his chest and his face flush, he loves it, but he hates it oh so much. God, he hates love.

💥One day he decided his aggressive flirting style really doesn’t have much of an effect on her oblivious ass, so he’s going to have to be super blunt, and he is.

💥He just stops her outside of the dorms and says, “I fucking like you, alright?” And when she says she feels the same way, the widest, cutest Bakugou smile spreads across his face.

Iida

🤖He c a n t. She’s so sweet and soft and kind and he adores her, and she makes him feel so good, but he doesn’t know what the hell to do!!!

🤖She’s a very affectionate person to everyone, he knows that for sure, but there’s something different about it when he’s with her. A little glimmer in her eye that changes all of her intent.

🤖He believes she must be doing this on purpose, theres no other reason as to why she would be so affectionate and sweet in that way with him.

🤖The way she is sure to always give him, and only him, a really big hug when she sees him, It gets to him; the way she talks to him like no one else is there, god end him right there and he would die a happy man.

🤖And yet, he just can’t tell what she feels for him. Some days she acts like she’s going to ask him out, and others it feels like she has no clue what she’s doing.

🤖It eats him up inside, not knowing whether or not she recuperates his growing feelings for her, and he wants to tell her but he doesn’t know how.

🤖Luckily, Ochako does and takes pity on him. A couple of reassuring words and back pats, and she finally let him in on the secret. Just give back the same amount of affection she’s giving to him.

🤖He felt stupid for not seeing how easy it was, just be affectionate back. Give her flowers, hug her a bit closer, tell her how much he appreciates her every once in a while. Its so e a s y.

🤖While it is mildly awkward for the first few times, Iida does start to initiate affection with her, and he learns to adore it. Especially when she gets that cute little blush on her face when he initiates hugs.

🤖He’s still not sure she 100% understands what he’s trying to get across, but he keeps doing it because it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. All of class 1-A is screaming for them to get together already.

🤖One day Ochako just gets so sick of the pining she shoves Iida into kissing her, and they’ve been together ever since.

Tokoyami

🕶🐣Does not know how to deal with the love, only lets it happen. He just adores her so much, she’s so nice and kind, and she needs to be protected.

🕶🐣At first he disliked the affection, and then he slowly felt himself getting used to it, and now he feels uncomfortable if she hadn’t hugged him at least once a day.

🕶🐣He’s actually pretty cuddly, just doesn’t like to be shown the affection when others are around, so he makes sure she knows that she can only be all over him when only a few people he trusts are around.

🕶🐣He knows she’s just a naturally affectionate person, but he can’t help but feel she’s doing all this stuff on purpose just to get to him.

🕶🐣He’s so happy he’s got black hair on his face, or else she’d be able to see the huge blush on his face every time she hugs him close.

🕶🐣She has no clue what she’s doing to him, and he doesn’t want it to stop.

🕶🐣Dark shadow is his wingman, but also teases the hell out of him. (She also has to give dark shadow huggies too.)

🕶🐣He’s not a super forward guy— especially not with emotions—so when he catches feelings he struggles a lot. He has no idea how to express them with his words.

🕶🐣Luckily, or rather unluckily for him, Dark Shadow is good with words…. Well, he has words…

🕶🐣Tokoyami is just sitting and talking to her on moment trying to flirt, then dark shadow just shouts “Tokoyami has a crush on s/o!” And Tokoyami just dies on the spot.

🕶🐣Obviously she returns the feelings and tells him so, and thats essentially how their relationship started.

Midoriya

🥦The things she does to him and makes him feel are just… too much! “So much love!!! GgGghghhGhGhhg” -Midoriya probably

🥦But seriously, he doesn’t really know how to accept all the affection, so he just takes it with his face as red as a stoplight.

🥦He does wonder if she is doing this to get to him, but then he realizes she’s way too sweet for that.

🥦Tells her he doesn’t deserve all her affection. She then proceeds to hug and coddle him even more while telling him how much she loves and appreciated him.

🥦Really doesn’t get why she loves on him so much, but he enjoys it too much so he isn’t complaining. Like, he’s not gonna tell his crush to stop cuddling with him on the common room couch. Who would?

🥦He’s really red and unresponsive most of the time though… its a lot for our good boy, and he loves it.

🥦He wants to just kiss her so badly, but he’s already dying and literally nothing will be done about this relationship if it’s left up to him.

🥦He will eventually become desensitized to the affection, and it’ll just be a part of his daily routine.

🥦He has a hard time getting the guts to ask her out, but he’s lucky enough to have Iida, Uraraka, and kind of Todoroki encouraging him.

🥦And Izuku being Izuku, he confesses in the most uncomfortable awkward and adorable way possible. (I’m not telling you how, you know what I mean) And boom, the power couple was made.

⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚⚚

Okay… I made the s/o super affectionate because that’s what comes to mind when I think of sweet people… Anyway, welcome to River’s world of mediocre writing, sorry this was so bad! The worst of it is Bakugou and Iida, and I have no idea how to fix them… I am so sorry! Hope the others were enjoyable! Also…. I kinda made it so the s/o was only a crush, I’m not sure if thats what you wanted???

∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

💙River💙

358 notes · View notes

i-heart-danchou · 5 years

Text

Struggle

Okay so this is for the bottom Erwin week prompt Masturbation. As usual I am incapable of writing anything happy! S’my style.

-------------------------- Levi wasn’t a man who had felt weak very often in his life. For the most part, he’d been able to take care of himself from a very young age, and there wasn’t much that made him vulnerable. That was one thing that Kenny had given him; the ability to handle himself, protect himself, and keep himself safe. Keeping other people safe, he supposed, was another matter entirely. He had felt weak when he raced back to Isobel and Farlan that fateful day in the rain, and he had felt weak and helpless in this moment. The Survey Corps was returning from their mission to rescue Eren again, and from what Levi was hearing, the casualties had been enormous. “Get a medic! The commander is—“ Levi watched in horror as Erwin rode in through the gates, his beautiful white horse stained pink from the enormous volume of blood in her coat. Erwin swayed, his eyes unfocused and his posture unsteady. Levi couldn’t get through the crowd to reach him as he fell from his horse, landing with a sickening thud on the dirt. “We need some help, we’re losing him!”

This was fucking bullshit, and Levi forced his way through the people to get to Erwin. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what had happened? His eyes widened as he saw the source of the blood— how had he missed that— Erwin’s fucking arm was—“MOVE!” He ordered, clearing a path for the medic to get to Erwin. His stomach churned when he saw the fleshy muscle clenching aimlessly around Erwin’s severed bone.

How had this happened? What the fuck were they doing?? He shoulda been there. Levi shoulda fucking been there. He gritted his teeth and shifted on his ankle. Fuck.

It was touch and go for a while. Erwin had lost so much blood that the doctors were worried about brain damage. Levi couldn’t bear to imagine losing Erwin, or having his bright mind robbed through some careless venture… so he threw himself into his work, trying to keep everything running smoothly so that if— when, Erwin recovered, everything would be easier for him.

When he was by himself in the dark, he put his right hand behind his back. He tried to function normally, he tried to take care of himself. Simple acts like brushing his teeth, buttoning his shirt, even using the toilet were a thousand times harder like this, and he wondered how Erwin would cope.

Surely his military career was over, right? He’d never fight again. Deep down in his heart he knew that Erwin would never retire, not over something as insignificant as being permanently and seriously maimed. As long as there was a truth out there to find, Erwin would seek it… even if it killed him.

Levi swore as he failed to put his cravat on with just his left hand, and ruefully allowed his right arm to rejoin the fray. Erwin had no such luxury. Erwin was going to struggle.

Levi was there the moment Erwin opened his eyes, and he was certain he wasn’t quite able to contain his relief. “Erwin.” He breathed, reaching over to touch his hand. “You nearly got yourself killed.”

“Mm.” Erwin’s voice was croaky and exhausted. “M’not that easy to kill.”

Levi cocked an eyebrow. Apparently they had him on the good stuff. “I know that. Makes it a lot easier not to worry when you’re off doing whatever crazy gamble you’ve come up with this time.” Levi swallowed. “I don’t like the beard.” He said eventually. “I’ll fill you in on everything you’ve missed.” The next morning when he came in, he regretted his comments about Erwin’s facial hair… he’d tried to shave it left handed and his beautiful face was marred with nicks and cuts, much of the stubble still present in scraggly clumps.

Levi frowned. “You look awful.” He said gently. “I’ll help.” He collected some shaving implements and climbed onto the bed with Erwin. It was a soft, intimate moment, and Levi was respectful as he cleaned up Erwin’s face. “You’ll get there.” Levi said as he finished. “It just takes practice.”

He considered telling Erwin how he’d tried his luck with only one arm, but decided perhaps it was a story for when the wounds weren’t so raw.

Levi was impressed with the way Erwin was handling his disability, truth be told. He didn’t like or need to be coddled. He was a grown man and was very good at accepting the hand life had dealt him. If his arm ached, he never complained about it, nor did he make a fuss as he struggled with his day to day activities. If the situation were reversed, Levi imagined he’d be very frustrated and angry, even if he knew such behaviors were irrational and unproductive. It worried him that Erwin saw losing his arm as only the start of his penance… it was part of a long line of worrying subtle bouts of depression Levi was starting to notice more and more, the closer they got to taking back Wall Maria.

Erwin was back to work probably a lot quicker than was recommended or healthy. He wasn’t the type of man to wallow in self pity, and they had bigger things to worry about than the difficulties posed by a missing arm. He never said anything, but Levi could see the way he struggled. His penmanship suffered terribly, he was getting up nearly an hour earlier every morning to ensure he was cleaned and dressed properly for the day, and little things that he’d taken for granted were becoming extremely difficult.

Erwin was great at hiding his frustrations, but Levi was great at knowing when Erwin was hiding something. It was subtle; a sharp exhale of breath in frustration, the way his eyebrows pinched together when he dropped something, the brief flicker or pain in his eyes when he reached for something with his right hand out of habit.

Levi worried. Of course he worried about Erwin, he loved him and cared about him and wanted him to be whole once more. It was a difficult balance at times, wanting to support his partner without being overbearing, making Erwin feel like he’d lost his independence. The problem was that Erwin never liked to ask for help, and Levi didn’t want to offer too often.

The injury came with a subtle change in their own relationship as well. Erwin seemed withdrawn, distracted, and far less physically affectionate than he had been in the past. Even as they lay together in bed Erwin didn’t cuddle up close to Levi like he used to. He was turned away, facing the wall, curled up into himself. Levi turned over and got Erwin’s attention, frowning at the storm brewing in those beautiful blue eyes. “Does it hurt?” He asked quietly.

“A little. I don’t want to sleep on my right side at the moment, it’s too tender.”

Levi had a very hard time asking to be held, demanding more intimacy and affection. It seemed to be admitting weakness, which is something Levi wouldn’t do. It wasn’t a big bed, but the distance between them was enormous. “Fine.” He didn’t mind being the big spoon, and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s waist so they could be closer. A lot of things were changing, and he suspected they wouldn’t have many more chances to lie together like this.

Levi wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it was certainly more than what he got. Erwin didn’t put his hand on Levi’s hands, didn’t thread their fingers together, didn’t sigh pleasantly and shift his body so it was flush with Levi’s. It was painful to see him so withdrawn, and Levi wasn’t good at heavy emotional conversations really.

He defaulted to crude humor, and started pulling at Erwin’s waistband so he could grasp his dick.

“Levi… what are you doing?” Erwin sounded tired.

“Well you’re being a grumpy fuck and you’re missing an arm so I figured you haven’t been jerking off enough.” He said with a shrug. “May as well help, s’what a subordinate is for.”

Erwin chuckled then. “I’m going to have to get you another copy of the military handbook. Fraternization is frowned upon, especially between a superior officer and subordinate.” He twisted his back so he could see Levi’s face, and apparently his expression was so disgusted and non-believing that Erwin burst into laughter.

It was absurd. The whole situation was absurd. “You’re an idiot.” Levi said eventually, still tugging on Erwin’s cock. It wasn’t springing to life like it normally did, and Levi allowed his hand to still. This wasn’t good.

“I don’t know how to help you.” He admitted. “I…” don’t like to see you like this? Know what it’s like? Need you to get better? “I’m worried I’m losing you and I don’t know what to do.” Erwin was brilliant. Levi often felt like a fool next to him.

“Levi…” Erwin shifted over in the bed, wincing as he grazed his stump on the mattress. He attempted to lie on his right side, but obviously it was causing him a great deal of pain.

“Erwin, stop. Lie on your back.” Levi suggested, shifting over to Erwin’s left side before curling up to the sprawling expanse of his chest. They were quiet for a moment, and Levi allowed himself to enjoy warmth of Erwin’s skin, the nice heavy feeling of that beautiful arm snaked around his waist.

“Levi.” Erwin broke the silence, his voice was silky and warm. “You help me every day. This would all be so much harder without you at my side.” He smiled at Levi in the darkness, but there was no joy in his eyes.

“You don’t deserve to suffer.” Levi said. “You’re not going to hell. You’re a good man and you deserve good things.” Erwin’s breath hitched and he squeezed Levi tighter. “You’re wrong,” he said, and then he went silent. He squeezed Levi closer though, and kissed the top of his head. “I love you.” He whispered. “No matter what happens, I love you. You’re my right hand.” Levi nuzzled into his chest. “I love you too, you dork. Don’t go soft on me now.” Some of the tension had ebbed out of Erwin’s shoulders, and Levi was relieved to feel him drift off. Levi stayed curled up to Erwin and listened to him rest. Sleep had never come easily to Levi, and he lay awake with his eyes wide open, wondering what good was having strength if he couldn’t protect the people he loved. Morning came quickly, and Erwin struggled to dress himself. His back was tall and straight as he marched ever forward, and Levi could only watch as Erwin slipped further away.

#bottomerwinweek2019 #bottomerwinweek #bottomerwin #my stuff #eruri #erwin smith #levi ackerman

115 notes · View notes

headoverjojo · 5 years

Note

If it aint too self-indulgent, could i get bruno, abba, doppio and risotto with an s/o whos like "oh im going to the beach/pool for the day, oh i dont burn, i dont need any form of sunblock" then comes home looking like a tomato? Im running out of aloe vera and redder than previously thought possible. (I think your rules said 4 single characters, but if i misread then just take your pick from them)

Hello there! :3 Be as self indulgent as you want, dear, be so uwu And you remembered perfectly the rules! Let’s go :3 (OH NOOOO please get more aloe vera DDD: )

Bruno Bucciarati, Leone Abbacchio, Risotto Nero and Vinegar Doppio with a s/o who comes home with sunburns

Bruno Bucciarati

Bruno told them to take the with them the sun cream, that it should have be better, that the sun was scorching, but no, they hadn’t listen to him and look at them now, all red and whining. He deeply sighs, seeing them like this. He knew that it would have happened, but could he force them to put on the cream? No. They’re adult and they can take their own decision, even if it’s a bad one. It can be a lesson.

Still, Bruno is not going to leave them languishing in their sunburning pain and, knowing that they should have surely come back in this state, he went to buy a cream for sunburns. The moment they enter home, whining and complaining, Bruno hands them the cream, while reading the newspaper. He doesn’t need to say them “I’ve told you”: they already know it and the sunburns are enough to remind them of it.

For the next few days, Bruno takes care of them, preparing lukewarm bags to soothe the pain and keeping them at rest. He’s a bit annoyed by the whole easily avoidable situation, but he loves them and he’s going to take care of them for all the necessary time!

He sincerely hopes it’s the first and last time it happens! Sunburns aren’t things to underestimate and they can bring to more severe diseases. If they have learned their lesson, then it’s all ok, but if they try to sneak out again without any sunblock, then he’s going to be annoyed! Last time it didn’t go really well, why they insist on not put on a cream, a spray, something?! He’s gonna scold them for their irresponsibility. And if they still go out without any sunblock, Bruno would show up through a zipper and put it on them while they’re enjoying a sun bath. They’re not going to other more sunburns, not under his watch!

Leone Abbacchio

Abbacchio isn’t going to pester them about the sunblock: he tells them one time, saying them that the sun, that day, would be scorching. If they listen to him, fine; if not, their business. He’s not going to babysit them, they’re adult and can take the decisions they want! if they lack of common sense, then they’ll pay the price. Maybe, with a little sunburn, they’ll learn that it’s always good to put on some sunblock.

Still, he never imagined that they could come home completely red as a tomato. Shit, this is way more than a little sunburn! He grumbles all the time, scolding them for their lack of common sense and telling them “I’ve told you that the sun would have been scorching, but when do you ever listen to me?”, before going out to buy some cream to soothe their pain. Following the pharmacist’s advices, he prepares also lukewarm water to soothe the burning pain, all while muttering and grumbling, making them smile a little, even if every part of them burns and hurts.

For the next few days, Abbacchio is more caring, with them. Yes, they were an idiot, but they’re his idiot and he’d be damned if he doesn’t take care of them. He doesn’t coddle them or pity them, just giving them time to rest and heal properly.

If he sees them going to the beach again without any sunblock, he’s going to be really angry. Wasn’t the last time enough?! Do they really want to get more sunburns?! This time he’ll not let it go, pestering them until they take with them the sunblock or blocking them and covering them in sunblock before they head out of the house. He’s not going to be gentle, if he has to be rough, he’ll be! They can pout at him as much as they want, but they’re not going to sunbathe without any protection, not under his watch!

Risotto Nero

Risotto is naturally tanned and doesn’t burn easily. He’s used to be under the sun for long hours, since his childhood and, even if now he mostly stays in the dark -both due to his work and his aesthetic-, he still is pretty resistant. However, he knows that sunblock is important, so, even if he understands the “No I don’t need sunblock” ‘cause he too tends to be like this, he tells them to put it on, since the light marine breeze could trick them and not make them notice that they’re burning.

And this is right what happens; he knows it even before they’re actually on sight, hearing their whimpers and muffled curses. By the time he has reached them, they’re slowly and carefully peeling off their clothes, cursing at every movement, a cream for sunburns thrown on their bed. He goes to help them, without saying anything: the burns are already enough, they don’t need him to scold them. His gaze too is enough, as they pout and mutter a “You were right” that makes him lightly smile while he gently spreads the cream on their skin.

For the next days, he tries to work as much as possible at home, in order to relieve them from some housework. In the private sphere he’s really considerate and attentive, so he’d not shy away from helping his s/o, even if, from time to time, he’d sneak a comment, grinning when they pout and huff. They also try to punish him by forbidding kisses, but the first one who gives up is right Risotto’s s/o, every time.

Risotto is sure they’ll not do again the same mistake, even more if they’re on his team. He’s an understanding man, but just for the first time. One time must be enough to learn the lesson. Making mistakes is human, it happens to everyone, but persevering is just stupid and he doesn’t tolerate stupid acts. So, this time is the only one he allows them to do this mistake. They know it and everyone knows that it will never happen again and that from now on they’ll always take with them a good sunblock.

Vinegar Doppio

Doppio burns easily, since he has a really sensitive skin, -ironic, seen that he has lived in Sardinia, a very sunny region-, so, the rare times he can actually relax at the beach or a pool, he always brings with him the highest sunblock, spreading it also on his s/o. But when they go alone, Doppio knows they’ll take advantage of it not to put it on, he knows them. And he worries about it.

And, as he feared, -he couldn’t go to the beach to bring them a sunblock due to a mission- they come back completely red and burnt. He’s so worried!! He runs to buy a lotion for burns and, back home, he treats them gently and sweetly, cleaning their skin with lukewarm water with extremely delicate gestures, applying then the lotion. He feels even guilty! If only he had imposed himself… they don’t want him to feel guilty! It’s not his fault!

Doppio is going to be really attentive for all the time they’re recovering from the sunburns. He feels guilty, even if they told him more times not to feel like this, that it wasn’t his fault, so he feels the need to make amend, in a certain sense. They’re touched by his gentleness, but at the same time they wish to heal faster, so he can stop to feel guilty!

They’re not going to do it again. Doppio doesn’t deserve to feel like this, plus he has a lot of work, missions… they don’t want to be an additional burden! So, lesson learned: they’ll take with them a sunblock, every time they go to the beach or the pool, to Doppio’s utter relief. He knows that sunburns can bring to more severe diseases and knowing that they, now, protect themselves adequately lifts a great weight from his heart!

#jjba #vento aureo #bruno's gang #bruno bucciarati #leone abbacchio #la squadra di esecuzione #risotto nero #the court of the crimson king #vinegar doppio #neutral s/o #s/o who got a sunburn #headcanons #sfw #bloodandblackrose

72 notes · View notes

cyberneticlagomorph · 5 years

Text

The view is breathtaking to say the least, the ever revolving waltz of the cosmos plays silent witness to your approach, your breath misting on the thin, cold air as you glide through the starless patch of emptiness, known only as the Lawless. You have a ranch here, if you could call it that, a full lightminute’s worth of outer space to call your own.

Something is singing somewhere, beckoning, wheeling through the dark, and dusty strip of a far off asteroid field, a Shooting Star perhaps? You pay it no mind, you just circle the collection of awkward, chitinous spires anchored to the shattered remains of a long dead moon by the shed shell of a young Courier. Something bitter unfurls inside of you.

The ghosts of memories, not yet dead, seek to torment you. White rooms and examination tables. Text redacted, reformatted. That facility was hell, more than any others you’d been in. And it’s going to stay with you, for the rest of your life, while she gets off scot fucking free.

This is way more than she deserves.

Dust swirls lazily around your ankles as you land, wings tucking against your back so tightly they disappear completely. There is a walkway, leading up to what’s left of the Courier’s shell, a doorway sits snug in the chitin, easily missed by untrained eyes. Absently, you think about painting or carving it into something pleasing, maybe even homey. You stop yourself, fingers running over the chitin, imagining what it could be, and frown. You open the door, eager to stop wasting time in the cold. It’s warm inside, and brightly lit by glass bulbs full of bioluminescent algae.

The floor shimmers, sections of chitin and polished stone Shaped together haphazardly with the use of your Amalgamy, a quick and dirt mosaic to break up the monotony of the interior’s design. Beneath the vaguely blue glow of the algae-lights, the walls and floor dance with cool colors brought out by tender fingers. There are swirls of violet coursing through the gleaming black of the chitinous walls, hints of blue too, all coaxed out of hiding by your hand.

The interior of this place, if your own creation, every room hand sculpted by you and your Amalgamy. The Red Science, the study of Shaping and Being Shaped, of breaking the Chain. It’s a forbidden science, one you’ve taken very well to, considering you yourself are an aberration Shaped by science. A different science, but science nonetheless.

Motion further down an empty corridor interrupts your thoughts. A flash of red hair, gangly limbs, all turning to smoke. You stiffen and walk faster, your prey finally in sight.

Moira.

Internally, you kick yourself, hate yourself for the moment of weakness you showed back at Avalon. You had her there, life in your hands, blood on your knuckles. You could have ended her, ended THIS. But you hesitated, you remembered the days before she hurt you. So you let her live, you brought her here, where no one would find her, and you started building her a home. You can lie to yourself all you’d like, but that’s what it is, a gallant mansion of chitin and stone in the deep, beautiful reaches of space. Call it a gilded cage if you want, but there’s too much love poured into it for it to be a proper punishment of any kind.

She’s a mess when you find her, a bruise-mottled specter of herself, wrapped half-assedly in bandages and misplaced bravado. It’s a miracle she’s conscious, let alone standing. But there she is, defying the odds in that arrogant, stubborn way she always does. Everything has to bend to her will, even her own broken body. It’s infuriating, even more so than the way you instantly fall into the role of caregiver. How you instantly fall over yourself to please, to coddle, to love.

Moira is, and always will be the object of your pity, something long misconstrued as love. Your expression must have changed, must have melted into that warm, stupid stare you used to give her, because she narrows her eyes and she fucking sneers. That alone pushes all thoughts of comforting her out of your mind.

“Look at you, already wasting away without me.” The words fall out of your mouth before you can stop them. It’s mean, and a bit ironic since you’re the one that kicked her ass, but it’s (sort of) true regardless. That’s what drew you to Moira, her inability to care for herself, oh sure she’s dangerously clever, but she can’t cook to save her life. Or remember to eat, or sleep, especially when she’s knee deep in her work. So you’d remind her, you’d help her along, leave her things in the fridge, drag her to bed by the tie if you had to. And it had worked, for a little while, until she hurt you and you left.

Her sneer twists into something vaguely amused, “Oh, I am wounded.” She coos sardonically, “Does the little bunny think that his care is still needed? Nevermind effective?”

Ah, she hit a nerve. Of course she did, she’s always known how to get under your skin, figuratively and literally. Your ear twitches, betraying your neutral expression, “My care has always been effective, all my other partners have benefited from my care, you’re just an outlier.”

A grin, all sharp teeth and black gums, bruise-purple glows in the back of her mouth as she speaks, and flickers among the abyss of her sclera, “Oh? So your little experiments have come to fruition at last. We’re not so different, you and I, Jack.” She takes an unsteady step closer, and you flinch, “Misunderstood scoundrels of different areas of knowledge… but both oh so good at our thing. Oh so passionate.”

A rip-saw snarl tears its way up your throat, your own biolume igniting with icy fire, making you look otherworldly. It frames your teeth and lights up your eyes, burning you up inside just as much as the anger Moira’s barbs have stoked, “I am NOTHING like you.”

Moira tucks her hands behind her back, suddenly looming over you. Smoke leaks from her mouth and nostrils, lending weight to her words somehow, “Is that so, Jack? But were you never curious? Wanted to know something about someone? ‘Can I fatten them up? Change them? Make them to my liking?’ Have you never planned how to try it and wordlessly put it into action? Nevermind the consequences, you must know.”

She leans forward, bringing herself to your eye level in the most demeaning way possible. She smells like blood, like herbal cigs and shitty, stale coffee. You used to love those smells, but now they just make you sick. She tilts your chin up with one of her claws, her face is way too close to yours. You feel sick, so sick. Stop touching me stop touching me GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAY

“Was I not your darling pet project? Much like you were, and forever will be mine.”

You teleport without thinking, blinking several feet away, just out of her reach. You’re shaking, shaking so hard. Don’t throw up, DON’T THROW UP.

She seems smug, more than her usual aura of general smugness. “Keeping me here, won’t do you any good, I had reasons for keeping you in the lab, reasons that would benefit humanity. You on the other hand, have nothing.”

“Oh but this will benefit others, you’ll never hurt anyone, ever again.” It sounds like a lie coming from your trembling lips, but you try hard to believe it’s true, that keeping her here was a good idea. She scoffs, but you’re not all together here anymore, no, you’re drifting away, viewing all of this from behind the mask of your own face as the numbness sets in. Moira saying something about how this hurting others thing is nonsense, sacrifices are always made for the greater good.

You flinch as if struck. That struck another nerve, you’ve been told that verbatim by every researcher, every medic, every anything that’s ever hurt you for science. For the greater good of humanity.

“We are creatures that hurt, Jack. We hurt each other endlessly. Porcupines huddling together. All we can do is choose how we are hurting one another and why. I picked genetics. Picked to use my sins for a greater good. Cures for diseases, prosthetics with new technologies, ways to offer everything available to regular people today to the magical folks like you. To see how magic and technology can mesh together. To open up possibilities like never before.” A pause, a smile, “Is that not great, Jack? Not incredible?”

“Why are you choosing to hurt your loved ones? There is little more to this than revenge. But your satisfaction. And I won't complain- oh, no. But not because this is fair or just. Because I love you dearly. And love all data you've given me. And all I've become from you.” She means it, in her own little twisted way, she means every word that spills from her chapped lips. You hate it, and it’s very hard for you to hate anything, anyone, but you do. In that moment there is nothing in this universe, or any other, than Moira and her words. You move without realizing, hand at her throat, lifting her off the floor to slam her into a nearby wall hard enough to make the contents of the cabinets rattle. You’ve grown, stretched into a physical testament of your hatred.

Moira remains stoic. The only change in her expression is a faint hint of annoyance and a quirked eyebrow, it doesn’t change, not for a long time, not even when your snarl and start to squeeze.

You both know that she could Fade out of your grasp if she wanted, but she doesn’t, she lets you put her hands on her and seems to savor your touch in a way that makes the violence you want to inflict seem almost erotic. She smiles at you, with those unnaturally sharp teeth, the faint purple tint of her lips make her look more corpselike than usual, a smug banshee on her deathbed. Dancing on the knife’s edge of fate.

"For all your wisdom, your incomprehensible IQ and all the data at your disposal, and you're still dumb enough to think that I still love you?" Your voice sounds strange, deep and menacing, "That I ever loved you? If anything I pitied you and your obvious inability to take care of yourself, your astonishing ability to cling to those that no longer want you. If you were my loved one, I'd've given you the mercy of a quick death, but all the hatred I have for you refuses to grant you that kindness "

A snort, a flash of teeth and a wheezing attempt at a laugh, "Allow me a fantasy, won't you?" But otherwise, her tone is unshaken. Her expression is vaguely amused. "I think, Jack. This little tirade is one of the most precious bits of information you could have ever given me. Our little talk is over. Play with me as you will- I am done here."

You could kill her, you could finally END THIS.

You should.

You want to.

But you won’t, because she’s right. Every last fucking word out of that ugly maw of hers is right and you HATE. IT.

You drop her unceremoniously to the ground, and deflate back into your normal self. You are broken, shards of a person thrice mended, struggling to come together. Logic dictates that if you want to stop being something people break, you should turn those shards outward, use them like armor.

But you refuse, you always refuse.

To grow back sharp and hard would be the death of you, in a world already so jagged, who needs one more knife to cut themselves on.

You are soft, you respond to those that hurt you with kindness you know that they do not deserve.

You FORGIVE.

Something that should be beyond you by now. But it isn’t, and it never will be. You swallow the inferno of your ire, until all that’s left is dying embers. You run your hand on your scalp, wincing at the peach fuzz that greets you, it will grow back, softer than before. Just like you.

You look at Moira, long since dragged herself to her feet, rubbing her throat idly, and you sigh.

“You really are pathetic, aren’t you? You aren’t some scientific martyr, Moira, just a sick impatient woman, who’s lived her life precariously piling up crates of exciting toys you’ve made for yourself. Someone who could never cooperate with others to gain even the slightest scientific footing, before jumping into whatever your whims dictated.”

That wipes the amusement from her face, leaving her stunned enough for you to continue uninterrupted, you sat there and listened to her dissect you, now it’s YOUR turn to show her what it’s like, “You’re just a spoiled child tinkering with what you don’t understand, someone with too much power and too little sense.”

She flinches, and oh how delicious it feels. You don’t stop, you can’t stop, not now, “So this,” You gesture at her new home, “This is your due. A room where you can play scientist, your very own padded cell.”

Moira opens her mouth to spit what you’re sure is a venomous retort but you cut her off before she can utter a syllable, “That’s what you really are, Moira, you may talk about the greater good and the advancement of mankind-- but you’re really just making excuses for yourself.” Now you’re the one looming, five feet small and she’s shrinking back from you like you’re on fire, “You want to do this fun thing you love, and you want to do it without feeling guilt for all the pain you’ve inflicted on others, on me.”

Still, she tries to reply, tries to talk back, but you aren’t listening, “You try to justify your atrocities, by casting yourself as some misunderstood crusader of great things, but you’re just an idiot putting the cart before the horse.” Your voice becomes hers, a sharp and bitter mimicry, eerily accurate, “Why, yes! Put cybernetics on magical beings! When we don’t even know what a magical being is, really, or how they exist! Surely the magical part of it won’t affect our data at all!!” It’s your turn to scoff, your voice your own again but no less bitter, “You really just cherry pick what to apply the scientific method on. You act on this hedonist whim, but never acknowledge it. You over indulge in it, and lose sight of everything else… and that was your downfall. Not me, not Avalon, all you and your inability to exercise moderation… maybe you’ll find some out here, in the solitude, we both know you’ll have plenty of it.”

#ic #action post #enclosures #abuse #body horror #manipulation #ask to tag #THIS GOT AWAY FROM ME IM SO SORRY

7 notes · View notes

harleyquilt · 6 years

Text

Through The Years

Summary: A trip through the many years of the Kaneki family at snapshots of their lives whilst Touken watch their family mature.

Words: 4144

Notes: So this is for my really wonderful and perfect friend @beneybunny. I actually wrote this as thanks to a favour, but since I’m a lazy and terrible friend, this is now her late birthday present. The fic itself is just really fluffy and silly and I hope you enjoy it!

It was a quiet morning, as tranquil and lazy as any morning could be really. Kaneki opened his eyes slowly to find himself alone in his bed and sitting up, rubbing his eyes, he heard Touka’s soft whisperings from Ichika’s room. He smiled to himself and leaned back, eyes glancing to his opened window where he could see the wide and vast countryside field nearby. The almost picturesque scenery was nothing compared to the city, which was still in shambles from the attack almost a year ago. He visited there often, the image of the ruins and crumbled buildings and roads were engraved into his mind as a reminder of his actions and despite the pain it brought to remind him of the damage he afflicted, it also reminded him of what he had now; a chance to start again and redeem himself with a beautiful family to support him whenever. Whether he deserved it or not he wasn’t sure, he just knew he couldn’t let this opportunity pass because he was busy wallowing in self-pity.

“Oh, you’re awake, sleepyhead.” Touka smiled and she leaned against the doorframe to their room, cradling their small baby girl in her arms. “I was just feeding our little sleepyhead here, I’ll make you some coffee in a minute.”

“Don’t trouble yourself.” He insisted as he got up, heading over to her side where he gave her a quick peck on her cheek and leaned down to do the same to Ichika. He caressed Touka’s cheek and she smiled warmly, their eyes on each others. He then looked down, feeling Ichika tug at his shirt and carefully taking her from Touka’s arms, he lifted her up, watching her give him a wide toothless smile.

“What a beautiful smile our princess has!” Kaneki beamed and lowering her, she pinched his cheeks, giggling. “It’s as beautiful as the queens’.”

Touka slapped his shoulder lightly, heading off to make his coffee as he continued to play with Ichika. She was so perfect, a mix of both him and Touka in her features: she had Touka’s eyes and his grey colour, Touka’s face with those chubby cheeks and his...hair? Actually, the hair left him baffled more than anything. He knew Haise was his own person in a sense, but this simply didn’t make sense. Touka seemed completely fine, if anything more amused, at the ‘sesame pudding’ hair she ended up having, yet Kaneki couldn’t help but consider this as Haise’s last act of revenge for disposing him back into the tormenting depths of his own mind. Nonetheless, he loved her regardless of her looks - she’d be perfect no matter the appearance.

At the minute, she was only a few months old, and Kaneki was always chuffed at how tiny she turned out to be. He never held a baby before - never had the opportunity to - and when he held Ichika for the first time...He almost squealed at the sight of her. Everything about her was so tiny, especially her hands that’d barely wrap around his pinkie finger. She was so warm too and he felt completely at peace when he simply sat and held her in his arms, talking to her softly about how much he loved her and of all the things he’d do for her once she grew up some more. She watched him with wide eyes as he headed over to Touka, showering his child with kisses as he smelled the sweet fragrance of the coffee Touka made for him.

“She’s such a happy baby.” Touka commented, taking a sip of her own coffee and she leaned against the counter. “She especially loves that apple mush Yoriko told me to feed her. She threw it all over me yesterday.” She shuddered at the memory. “I can still smell that disgusting scent of it even now.”

“Hey, you eat apples too.” Kaneki chuckled as he set down Ichika onto her cushioned seat nearby, giving her a toy to chew on. He gathered Touka into his arms and embraced her tightly, pressing his lip to the top of her head. “If you want I can give you more of that cake again. Kimi did say we had to adapt our palates if we want to change our diets. I’ll do it with you if you want.”

“Please, it’s enough just smelling the stuff as it if. Give me a break.” They stayed still for a brief moment, Touka letting out a low sigh as she listened to his slow heartbeat. After a quiet moment like this, she looked up to watch the scar that went down from his eyes, like black tears had stained his cheeks. “Hm, they’re not fading it seems. Or at least not completely.” His smile dropped then and her fingers lightly traced the marks, her eyes wide and curious. “Not that I’m complaining, they look pretty cool. They don’t hurt, do they?”

He shook his head and turned to kiss each finger tip. He knew she’d have no issues with his appearance. As she said, she’d love him even if his hands were covered in scales or if he had no arms at all. Still, he wanted to be proud to stand by someone as elegant and beautiful as her, even if his insecurities were simply silly concerns. Ah, but no matter; her words always gave him the comfort he needed and he took a deep breath, his smile returning as he allowed himself to take in those words.

“I wonder how I'll explain it to Ichika.” They both looked back at their daughter, who was banging her toy against her seat with some annoyance. “Don't worry so much about it.” Touka reassured, pulling away and patting his head. “She'll think they're cool too.”

“You really think so?” Kaneki chuckled, grabbing his drink.

“I know so.”

. . .

Ichika stuck her tongue out as she concentrated on her reflection. Her mother's makeup bag was tipped over and all the different brushes and ‘clippy boxes’ (as she liked to call them) were scattered across the dresser table. She held the black pencil in her hand, turning it this way and that. She really didn't understand how this wasn't used for colouring, but considering how she saw her mama draw with it under her eyes, it must be to draw pictures on skin instead of paper. With a confirmed nod and smile, she silently christened this pencil as the ‘body drawer thingy.’

Touka sat besides Kaneki at the dining table as they looked through different holiday locations through the travel magazine they held between them. They were in the midst of arguing whether to go with Kaneki's suggestion and go to Rome for a romantic getaway or to go with Touka's choice of Disney World.

“Look, maybe we can go to both.” Touka suggested with some mild frustration. “We're getting Tsukiyama to pay anyway.”

“Touka-chan, we can't make him pay for us for the sixth time.” Touka raised a brow in confusion as to why they couldn't. He sighed and was and was about to protest once again before they heard a loud tumble in their room. “Ichika! What are you doing?”

She came running in quickly, a slight skip in her step and a beaming smile. There were dark streaks of black pencil across her cheek under her ghoul eye, mimicking Kaneki's scars. She also drew a nice flower on her other cheek and head with lipstick, her artist skills apparent.

“I'm just like papa! I'm just like papa!” She jumped onto his lap, knocking the air out of him and both he and Touka looked at one another - they didn't know whether to feel heartwarmed or angry at their child. Touka was now growing more concerned at the noise she heard in her room just before.

“Don't I look just like him?” Ichika asked her mum with bright eyes, shaking her dad by the shoulders. “Don't I look cool?”

Kaneki felt his eyes water with tears and he lifted her up, a sappy smile on his quivering lips. She giggled as he hugged her tightly, all anger vanished with his pride and relief. Cool! She called him cool! She was truly the most perfect daughter.

“Don't coddle her! Do you even realise-”

“You, my beautiful princess, are getting cookies today.” Kaneki declared, Ichika and him cheering loudly whilst he stood up. Touka only stared in disgust. “And the queen gets cookies too!”

“We all get cookies!”

Kaneki, despite the joy he had felt in that moment, had not considered the lecture he would receive that night as his wife punished him by making him clean up all the mess in their room. And no, she didn't forgive him even after the cookies.

. . .

“He's so small.” Ichika cocked her head to one side as she stared perplexed at her baby brother her mother held in her arms. His face scrunched up every now and again, his tiny pouty lips opening and closing with quiet whimpers. “Is he even alive?”

“Of course he is, silly.” Kaneki sat besides Touka, admiring their newly born child with his daughter. He couldn't seem to stop hugging his wife, kissing her all over with his head leaned against hers.

Ichika, with her eyes narrowing, leaned forward to examine her brother's face. He wasn't quite exactly how she imagined him to be. After all, she did write that letter to the baby factory with specific instructions on how to design him. However, when she felt her brother squeeze her finger, which seemed so much larger compared to his whole hand, her lips parted and she smiled a gappy smile. Kissing his head, she commented how he would make an ‘adeequit’ brother for her, Touka and Kaneki offering her warm smiles.

“What's his name?” Ichika asked, knowing how her parents were still indecisive, even as they were going out the door to the hospital, otherwise known as the baby factory.

Touka smiled smugly at her husband, who nudged her playfully, knowing she was all too proud at being the one to pick the name.

“Well, it's-

. . .

Asuka!” Ichika stormed down the hallway to his room, slamming her fist against her brother's door. “Get the hell out of there, you rat! I know you're the one who broke my ant farm. Open up!”

“I didn't mean to, they just scared me and I panicked!” His usually small and timid voice yelled back, his back against the door. He knew she could, and probably would, easily break it down though. “It's not my fault you're a weirdo!”

“You shouldn't have even went into my room.” She hissed, slamming his door again. “You won't know fear until I get my hands on-”

Touka cleared her throat behind Ichika, who froze with her body now tensed up. Slowly, the girl turned around with an apologetic smile and her hands raised in hopes that her surrender would elicit mercy. Her mother had this cold stare that chilled Ichika to the bone and her arms remained crossed, an unnerved frown on her face. Asuka started to chuckle when he heard her silence, but continued to keep his door locked.

Touka took a deep breath, her eyes narrowing. “Now.” Ichika almost flinched, her lips pressed together. “What's happening here?”

“W-Well, you see, mama-”

“She threatened to kill me. Her own flesh and blood!” Asuka yelled from behind his door, Ichika’s head turning back with an appalled scowl at her snitch of a brother. “He broke my ant farm!” Ichika quickly added, pointing accusingly at his door.

And just like that, they broke out into another argument. Touka sighed as she rubbed her temples, Kaneki soon joining her. He stared for a moment, feeling a sense of deja vu from seeing this sceme from only a few hours ago.

“Alright!” Touka yelled, making them all jump. “Asuka, you better get your ass out here and apologise to your sister and Ichika!” Ichika flinched, silently pleading for her father's aid. But he was already whistling and walking off, minding his own business. “You're fifteen now, there's no need to act like this. You can always get another ant farm after you clean up the one that broke. And you!” She pointed straight at Kaneki, who was so close to retreating to their room. He stared, with wide, terrified eyes at her aggressive tone. “I'm not done with you either!”

She stormed over to his side and practically dragged him into their room, shutting the door behind her - though not before giving one last glare at her daughter. With Ichika sighing and moving back to her room, Touka she dumped herself onto their bed. Kaneki sat besides her, pulling her deadweight body onto her lap.

“I'm guessing you want me to continue the massage now.” Kaneki chuckled, kissing her neck lightly as his hands moved up to her shoulders. She made a noise of confirmation and nodded slowly, leaning into his touch.

She glanced over to the picture that stood on their bedside table; it was a family photo, with a slightly younger Ichika and Asuka stood besides her and Kaneki, along with Yomo, Ayato and Hinami, with her and Ayato’s baby in her arms. It's been a year or two since that picture was taken and it always brought warm memories whenever Touka set her eyes on it. Their family has grown so much after the tension from the Dragon War cooled down. Ichika stood proudly, clinging to her dad's arm. Her hair was tied up in a cute messy bun, her clothes a lot like Touka's when she was younger - baggy and boyish, though she did like her bright colours. Asuka was hiding partially behind Touka's leg, his wavy, thick dark hair partially hiding his big blue eyes, his face still a little chubby and body slim and petite. He didn't have the brash boldness his sister had; he was much more tame like his father, though he was surprisingly hot headed like...well, it doesn't matter who he got that from.

“Hm, they really have grown.” Kaneki said quietly when he caught her staring at the picture. He pulled her against him, squeezing her tightly and rested his head on her shoulder. “In more ways than I'm comfortable with.” He chuckled afterwards.

“It's weird.” Touka added, turning her head to face Kaneki. “Every now and again, it just strikes me that all of this is actually happening. It's...overwhelming.”

He smiled, understanding her completely. It still felt like a dream sometimes and even if it was, they never wanted to let it go. Even with the squabbles and petty fights, even with the glum and moody days, all of it just seemed too perfect to be true. Kaneki pushed Touka's hair to one shoulder, trailing kisses from her bite mark to her ear, where he nuzzled her and pulled her down onto the bed. She giggled as he started to her kiss her softly, whispering her name as he did so, until another loud yell interrupted their moment.

“THERESANTSINMYBED-” Asuka shrieked, along with Ichika laughing loudly. “ICHIKA, YOU DID THIS, DIDN'T YOU-”

“Kaneki, hold this.” She tossed him the cardigan she was wearing. “I don't want my kagune to ruin it.”

“Touka-chan, no!”

. . .

There were butterflies in her stomach and she clutched the hem of her shirt, staring nervously at her reflection. Ichika was dressed in her best casual outfit, with her white shirt that hung off her shoulders and light blue jeans, her hair in a side bun with a white flower clip on one side. She kept the makeup simple, even though that was the only way she knew how to do it, and looked over to the clock to check the time. That was when she heard the doorbell.

She rushed out of the room in an attempt to stop anyone opening the door, but she knew it was too late when she saw her mum and dad already there, greeting their guest warmly. This was terrible! She heard the chipper voice of her date nervously respond to Ichika’s parents, her dad turning to wave over his nervous daughter to the door. With little success, she tried to put up her best smile and forced herself to her dad's side.

And there she was. Ichika’s date. She was beautiful, like she always was, with her long black hair and gentle face. She had these big, dark brown eyes that complimented her soft features and she stood nervously, dressed in a cute, light blue sundress and sandals.

“What a beautiful girl you are!” Touka complimented warmly, inviting the guest inside. “We've heard so much about you, Emi.”

She blushed and Ichika felt her own cheeks heat up, her dad nudging her with his own smile. He squeezed her hand, trying to calm her nerves he knew she had. Touka continued with her gushing compliments, which only embarrassed the two of them further, until Kaneki decided now was the time to save her.

“Come now, Touka-chan.” He took his wife's hand, tugging her to his side. “You've had your fun, let them go and enjoy their date.” She mumbled that he was a killjoy with a smirk, but nodded with a sigh. Ichika kept her focus on Emi though.

“Hey, you should be careful.” Ichika’s teenaged brother warned as he passed by, playing a game in his hands. His hair was still as bad as it was in the morning, with it all ruffled and sticking out in odd places and he looked up with his dorky round glasses slipping down his nose. “The last boy she dated ran away crying when she nearly bit his tongue off-”

Ichika let out an odd noise that was half a shriek and half gibberish. He chuckled and with and disapproving look from his parents, he ran off to the next room, Touka mentioning how this was somehow Kaneki's fault.

“Ichika-chan, it's fine!” Emi grabbed her hand, making her freeze with her becoming all flustered. “Everyone knows that story.”

“H-How...is that supposed to make it any be-”

“Come on, you dunce, don't keep her waiting.” Touka started nudging her forward, prompting her to take the lead. “Don't be like your dad.”

“Hey, that's not fair.” Kaneki whined, but Ichika sighed and did as her mother told, finally smiling and bidding her goodbyes. Once the door shut, Kaneki took her hand into his and gave her a quick kiss.

“She reminds me of our first date.” He said, his voice low and soft. “Even though we were already married then.”

“Hm, maybe she'll learn from you then.” Touka teased and when he gave her that usual pout she was very familiar with. She pulled him in for another kiss. “But if she doesn't,” she continued, pulling away only slightly, “then everything would still turn out perfect.”

Asuka walked in and made a gagging sound at his parent's sap, hating, though always secretly admiring, how romantic they were to one another. They both amusingly turned to him with their own knowing smirks, Kaneki being the first to tease him.

“I don't know why you're reacting like that when we had to watch you get all cute with that Hitomu girl.” He then made his own high pitched protesting sound, his voice cracking, before he stormed off to his room, his face bright red.

. . .

Asuka checked his watch, half running to his parent's home in realisation of how late he was getting. With him now in Kamii, it was hard to keep track of time sometimes, but he did promise to meet with the family during his break. Besides, he missed his dad's apple pie he always baked for him and Ichika. Well, he'd be lying if he said that was the only reason - he loved his family after all.

Jogging down the street, he finally saw his old home, which was still the same as ever in his eyes. With a warm smile, he went up the small steps and rang the doorbell a few times. He was more than overjoyed to see his mum behind the door and immediately gave her a tight hug.

She was still the gorgeous woman she always was, along with the stray grey hair and crease beneath her eyes. Her hair was shorter again, but he always thought that suited her better. She welcomed him inside, where his dad stood with his pink frilly apron.

“You're too tall!” He exclaimed as he gave him a hug, Asuka almost suffocating. Pulling back, he saw his dad also kept his young looks, even with the few wrinkles around the eyes. “You were shorter than me when you left.”

“Damn, what have you been taking, Asuka-chan? Well, at least you cut off that fugly mullet you had before.” Ichika teased and Asuka smirked, staring at his sister. She has changed herself, though not entirely; her hair was longer, her black roots almost capping her head, and she was dressed quite professionally. She must've just returned from work. “Aren't you going to give me a hug too, brat?”

They share a brief hug and they all sit in the living room, catching up after the few months they last saw each other and sharing the news they’ve heard around Tokyo. It seemed the older members of the TLC were now making their retirements and picking their replacements from the new generation and Kaneki had seemingly no more duties to attend to with Tokyo now fully repaired. Hide had made his last rotation around the continents with his plans of peace and it held some effect with more countries opening their doors to ghouls, though some still saw them as a threat that needed to be eradicated.

They then moved on to their personal lives. Touka and Kaneki were thinking of their retirement themselves, with Kaneki tying loose ends and Touka thinking of handing the cafe to her neice and they hoped to move to a more peaceful and remote area afterwards before travelling to the different countries they had wanted to see. They also planned on spending more time with their friends whilst also taking care of Renji. Ichika seemed to be doing well in the labs, Kimi continuing to teach her as always and Nishiki kept her company every now and again with his son. Asuka always admired his sister for her intellect - he could never pass biology - and she was always so passionate about her being a half ghoul like him and their dad. Asuka never had much an opinion for such a thing and so he instead wanted to refine his writing skills, since his dad wrote such an inspiring book about his messy life. He hoped he could perhaps encourage peace between species through words, like Kaneki and Hide, since he couldn't do so with science.

“What happened to that Emi girl, Ichika-chan?” Kaneki asked with a bright smile, though Ichika could only offer a wry one.

“It didn't work out.” She admitted, all of them offering their own apologies. “It's fine though! It wasn't anything dramatic - it just sorta drifted apart. Besides, I have my work to distract me.” She laughed it off, but Asuka took her hand and squeezed it tightly, both him and their parents offering sympathetic looks.

“Well, it's a good thing I made us apple pie!” Kaneki got up, clapping his hands together. Ichika jumped up excitedly, asking if she could have a big piece like she always did and Asuka and Touka followed behind them to the dining room.

“I always love these moments.” Touka confessed, linking her arm through Asuka’s. He glanced over at her curiously, her gaze fondly watching her lovey dovey husband and enthusiastic daughter. “Isn't it amazing how everything turned out so perfectly.”

He laughed lightly at her comment, nodding. “Well, my hair is still fucked up. It's so thick and knotty.”

“You can blame your dad for that. Or...well...a part of him.”

“W-Wha-”

“It doesn't matter.” She reassured and reached up to kiss his cheek, pinching it. “You're still a handsome boy. Invite Hitomu next time too, you're always polite when she's here.”

As he let out loud protests, they sat around the table, all of them taking a slice of the delicious looking pie. Touka reached beneath the table and held Kaneki's hand. He glanced over at her, her cheeks bright and her eyes crinkled. Of course, that left him smiling all goofy too and neither had to utter a word for them to know the gratitude they both felt. With their children bickering with their own inside banter whilst they both joked with them, and with Kaneki still by her side just as he was twenty years ago, nothing could've felt better than this moment.

Nothing could've felt better with any of their moments.

#touken #kanetou #ken kaneki #touka kirishima #ichika kaneki #my writing #fanfic #fluff #kaneki family

244 notes · View notes

1ove-jin · 6 years

Text

Disclaimer: I know not all Armys are like this! I know there are also a lot of ArmyCTzens like myself. I know that there are problematic NCTzens who DO blame Armys. Both sides have those fans that need to be called out. This is not hate directed at any one fandom and I’m not a police, but we should discuss this in a civil manner. Warning is that this is a long ass rant:

So here’s the thing - the western market is opening up, right? We should all thank BTS as a major contributor for this, that’s the actual truth. I’m super proud of all of BTS’ accomplishments, but if we, as a fandom really are proud of this accomplishment then can we all please act like it and stop being self-proclaimed ‘security guards’ slamming opportunities for other artists in the face?

BTS are the biggest act right now, but that doesn’t mean they own the rights to a whole music market. We would be hurt if someone would have told BTS “you can’t go to Japan and promote because Tohoshinki were there first, they opened the way, they’re the top artist in Japan!” - we’d call that unfair. Please don’t be hypocrites and tell other artists they can’t expand into the western market

It’s not a pity party. It’s not a ‘who struggled more’ party. EVERYBODY struggled to get what they have now. Just because NCT is from a big company, doesn’t mean the members didn’t struggle and comparing someone’s struggles to another person’s is the shittiest thing to do honestly. For example

“I just failed a test I studied so hard for, what will my parents do?”

“aww that sucks, but at least you’re rich! I just failed a test, and I’m poor. I have it way worse you shouldn’t be complaining.”

Sounds absolutely terrible doesn’t it? I know BTS came from a small company, and they struggled so much. I was posting about BTS when they were happy they even got 100 people to show up at their fan-meets. When Jungkook was trying to promote a free concert. I’m not denying it, they struggled to get the the top and deserve everything they have.

But why doesn’t NCT deserve it? Why does anybody assume they got everything handed to them on a golden plate? Do some people think they jet skied to debut? Can anyone speak from experience and say that debuting under SM is easy?

Jisung of NCT joined to be an SM trainee when he was just about 10 years old. He promoted through the school year and literally said “I have no friends (because nobody relates to me). I have nobody.”

Ten left Thailand to make something of himself and he cried in front of his teachers who acknowledged his passion for dance. Because he hoped to repay the people who were responsible for his education in his homeland.

Huang Renjun, born in 2000, laughed and put on the “pure boy” image SM shoved down his throat, but deep down he was concerned about worrying his parents.

Wong Yukhei, born in 1999 (also not even 20), left his home country and when he smelled Thai food - immediately said he thinks of his mother. Can you imagine how much he misses his family?

Johnny Seo, Nakamoto Yuta, Qian Kun, Ten, Dong Sicheng, Wong Yukhei, Mark Lee, Huang Renjun, Zhong Chenle - all 9 foreign members who left behind either their families, friends, home countries, favorite foods, and languages so they could go to a basement to train without knowing if they’d debut or not.

Taeyong was accused of being a criminal - a scammer. Turned out to be not true. Suffered a lot of emotional hardships because of that pressure and to this day people still call him fake or hate him saying he trusts his face to employ him. He was told, directly, “you won’t do” when he first tried to dance in SM. He MADE HIMSELF one of the noticeable dancers in NCT by practice - there’s no way to cheat around that.

Moon Taeil passed a really cut-throat audition and had to choose between attending university or pursuing his dream as a singer. He made that hard choice. He gave himself that opportunity.

Na Jaemin suffered a back injury and halted promotions with Dream.

Mark Lee. Left his family when he was 12. Non-stop for two years has never not been busy. NCT U, NCT 127, NCT Dream, High school rapper, snowball project, SM station, SM Town, KCON - how many dances has he memorized? How many nights did he spend recording? He memorized lyrics in 4 different languages (Korean, English, Chinese, Japanese), how many hours of sleep did he give up because SM kept rolling him like a machine? And he never complains. He’s just turned 19.

If you want to talk about mental, physical, emotional suffering pre-debut, post-debut, till now, than NCT have suffered enough and don’t need no bullshit attitude like “but SM hands them everything!!!”

I don’t believe SM paid to have NCT planted / somehow ‘infiltrate’ the US market. From the beginning they were planned as a global group starting with 127 in Seoul. Literally half of their members are foreign members, and 2 are natural born citizens of a predominantly English speaking country. Johnny is from America, Mark is from Canada. What likely happened was that western media became aware of kpop thanks to BTS and wanted to explore / hype this thing as a whole ‘kpop wave’ - and they naturally found one of the biggest companies; SME, who gave them NCT because of the vision, plan, and potential; america bought it up and invited them over.

Yes, SM being a big company helped them stand out to the west, and NCT being in SM helps, but for each member to get into NCT and for NCT’s sound to be as good as it is- that’s their efforts. That’s there sleepless nights, their notebooks filled with lyrics, their 12 hour dance practices, their choreography, that’s their work.

All members of BTS and NCT struggled in their own ways. You can’t say one struggled more than another. All the emotions that ran through them, the worries, the stress, that’s all valid and important and everyone handles it differently.Therefore, NCT deserve everything they get. SM didn’t coddle them because they were foreigners or good looking or only 10 years old - they said ‘work your ass off’ and ‘wait’ or ‘get out’ - so once all that grueling trainee shit was done they said ‘okay we’ll support you with money’ - they earned that support.

ANYBODY wanting them to flop is immature as hell. Like are people really out there saying they hope NCT won’t be successful? So you want a 16 year old who has no friends, nobody to rely on but his hyungs to fail? You’d be happy to see his family flop, really?

You want a guy who was acknowledged for his traditional Chinese dance skills and left behind his rightful place in a highly selective university to flop? The guy who’s coped with the frustration of a ‘cute dumb’ image despite being an intellect trying to master another language, just trying to get his thoughts across to flop?

What about the guy who has ‘debuted’ but doesn’t even have a song yet, but still patiently smiles and genuinely supports others as if it were his own stage while waiting? Or the guy who cries if he even thinks about his parents because all he wants to be is a good and successful son? you want him to end his dreams?

The guy trying to love his dark skin in South Korea, who’s never nearly acknowledged enough about his great vocals and dance skills, only told he’s noisy, but still- STILL smiles at his fans and puts on that bubbly personality every.single.day. The one who debuted at 16, was sexualized by gross fans, and still got up to get behind the camera despite the mental trauma stuff like that could cause.

What kind of person are you to want them to fail? That’s the question. Because I recommend you start being the person to listen to some kings of wisdom- BTS: they’ve been telling us to cultivate love in our hearts. To end verbal, physical, emotional violence.

Don’t be that person. Be better than that. And if you’re that kind of Army, honestly? Shame on you. We HAVE to be better than that if we want to take pride in opening a market, we have to let people in. Nobody will dethrone BTS. But the stage at the top is big enough for everybody. Everybody who managed to climb there deserves a spot.

#bts #bangtan #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #nct 2018 #long post #yeah both fandoms are going to hate me but I had to #don't read this if you're easily offended

7 notes · View notes

anonil88 · 2 years

Text

This is a diary entry just for my brain.

I'm sad but so is everyone else. I should've understood that I wasn't special before I got 25. Nothing in this life is afforded to you and you have to make things happen. Life doesn't happen to you, not the random stuff. I dont know why I lived in a fantasy for so long and I don't even know how to get out of it. Will doing everything you're supposed to do as an adult make me happy, no, and im already sad so it doesn't matter. This is just what life is when you havent been given anything in life like rich privilege kids. We get spam messages from people just also trying to make one more dollar because we are all just struggling in this together. The system can't even collapse because it wouldn't work for those who have no way out.

I guess my mom raised me with a God complex where I felt better than, like why should I have to do this when this has always worked. But its not working anymore so now I just gotta do what works best and thats just what everyone else does. Everyone says think of it as this is just where you are now. But where I am now has been how its been since I was 17ish. Yes, there have been changes but a lot has stayed the same.

I buy some things because they make me happy not because I see a vision or need them. So any money I get just goes to the very small portion I do help my grandparents out. They say they don't want my help and to do my own thing with my money but its gotten to the point where they are getting older so that won't work. They've both been really sick as of late. So I gotta do something else to make more to help them out and try to just get completely independent. My future partner shouldn't be looking at me like im a child they have to take care of.

I got coddled a lot because my mom died so young and I don't have my dad. Even though I'd just turned 17 so its not like I was an infant so I should have handled that better. My aunt tells me that a diagnosis won't change anything. She's not wrong because I'm still gonna have to do everything I put off in despite. A diagnosis will give me something to pinpoint but I still have to overcome it. Its just another challenge and pills won't fix that there is a challenge. Id continue therapy but i don't like talking when my family could possibly hear me even though they aren't listening the anxiety would remain. It won't make me grow up any faster or slow down time. I still think people should get diagnosed but maybe I don't need it right now. I just need to figure out how to do better without it. God gave me 2+ years of a pandemic and I really sat on my ass got malnourished depressed and just made art. There's a lot of shitty places hiring but shitty and overworked is better than broke and stressed.

I can't complain though I'm extremely privileged and I know all of my thoughts deserves an eyeroll because I'm dramatic compared to people with far worse. Everyone's got depression and anxiety so it means I can do these things too, I'm just lazy. Like maybe I shouldn't use lazy and Its nothing to do with mental illness im just unmotivated. I've been unmotivated since I was little, things made me happy but I just didn't want to do anything. My mom tried to raise me out of it with hobbys but I still prefer staying in my head than in real life. She used to get on me for half assing task because id get distracted and hurry quickly in order to do what's on my mind. When I wouldn't...I forgot what I was typing oh my anxiety would just skyrocket. It's nice there in my head when I'm not depressed its a place with even little responsibilities than I have now. Can't get paid and can't live in this world by staying in that place.

All this motivation sounds nice but will it go anywhere?

My aunt tells me that sounds nice but what are you actually going to do. My grandma used to say when I was young you talk a lot but don't do anything. I talk a lot and maybe its an attempt to make myself feel better or garner pity. If I'm really honest its the pity because pity feels better than being chastised or when the first thing that is brought up as the reason everyone is getting sick is you. I just sit in my room but my presence of things takes up too much space as its starting to well really since I came back from college entered into the rest of the house.

I can do better though for myself and this isn't or shouldn't be as good as it gets. I saw a tiktok and someone said if you've never worked customer service or minimum wage and only gone to college then you don't know as much about the world as you think. At first ill be honest it stung, my longer minimum wage job was 3rd graders not adults. So in reality to most people my world view is small. I don't really do well with adults cause they start sensing my awkwardness and I try to hide it as best as I can. I can't just exist in this world as my full self because the full potential my family wants to see from me includes me being seen as the weird person not just in looks. Which is frowned upon by my grandma. My outer expression is the best I get at not performing my personality. That's probably one of the reasons I love clothes so much. Anyways adults I get uncomfortable around because they stare too long, kids are cool but it depresses me to know all their creativity will be thwarted. I also get uncomfortable around them because they pick up on my lack of understanding or my gender weirdness and they have 0 filter. Why do you wear that? What's this? What's that? And my social battery is damn near empty after.

I've been writing this for a half hour I should stop now. I haven't had stomach spasms from anxiety since 2019, just had a huge one.

#my thoughts

0 notes

mikelogan · 6 years

Note

jdox prompt: when perry and jd break up, everyone assumes perry’s fine because 1.) he broke up with jd (not the other way around), and 2.) he’s stoic about it. Then someone (probably carla) realizes that perry’s harder on the interns and that he looks sad when he thinks no one is looking. she talks to him and he confesses that he regrets breaking up with jd. (i hope you do this prompt bc i love your fics so much!!)

Carla’sday had started like any other. Shewoke, showered, dressed, had breakfast, and cleaned up around the apartmentwhile she waited for Turk to get ready. One noticeable difference from every other day was JD’s absence. Normally, he was just as much a part of Carla’smorning routine as anything else. Theyusually chatted over breakfast and then when Turk emerged from the bedroom, thetwo of them would make a joke or allude to something stupid they’d done in medschool. But since two nights ago, JD hadhardly come out of his bedroom. Twonights ago, he’d stopped acting like the JD Carla knew and loved. Two nights ago, Perry had broken up with him.

This didnot deter Carla from trying to cheer her Bambi up – or at least get him out ofbed. She’d decided to give him one moreday to wallow in self-pity before she really kicked his ass and forced him goback to work. After all, she wasn’theartless. She could appreciate how hardit would be for JD to go back to the hospital where he had for so long workedbeside Perry, and that he had to work through his raw emotions first. More than anything, more than the sadness itcaused her to see her friend so devastated, she was furious. And Carla when she was furious was a force tobe reckoned with.

Ratherthan laying into Perry the first moment she saw him, she’d chosen to observehim, her anger simmering just below the surface. Truthfully, she hadn’t seen much of himlately – they were both busy now that flu season had arrived. More patients to take care of meant less timefor socializing. Carla spent the firsthalf of her day simply watching Perry and was surprised to find that hisdemeanor seemed quite typical. He barkedat the interns, she heard him complaining about patients, and he bickered withKelso.

Carlaspotted Perry later that day sitting alone at one of the far tables in thecafeteria and squared her shoulders. Ifshe didn’t lay into him now, when would she get her next chance? She knew that JD had asked – practically begged– her not to talk to Perry, but the opportunity was just too clear. She walked purposefully toward Perry, butpaused for a moment, her lunch tray held in front of her. Now that she looked at Perry – really looked at him – it was obvious that hewas hurting, too. Carla did not feel asmuch compassion for him as she did JD, that was true, but Perry had been herfriend before all this. When JD had comehome in tears and told Carla – who had been the only one home at the time –that Perry had broken up with him, she hadn’t wanted to give up on the two ofthem. She’d been so sure they were madefor each other, but JD, through his tears, explained how Perry had said hecouldn’t do this anymore. He hadn’tgiven real concrete reasons either, not that JD had told Carla anyway, and shedidn’t feel like pressing JD for more information was appropriate at thetime. So on his behalf, shecold-shouldered Perry when she could, but seeing JD so broken, in so much pain,was hurting her, too. But now itappeared that JD wasn’t the only one hurting from the break-up.

“Thisseat taken?” she asked, standing expectantly across from Perry.

Hecringed at the sound of her voice and did not look up. “I’m betting you’ll sit there no matter whatI say,” he said dryly, pushing away his uneaten tray of food.

“I cameover here,” Carla said as she sat down, her tone impassive, “to tear you a newone, you know.”

“Get totearing, then,” Perry replied, stunning Carla with the lack of emotion in hisvoice. “Lord knows I deserve it and you’vealways been good at it.”

“But then,” Carla started as soon as Perrystopped talking, “I noticed that you were sitting here, all by your lonesome moping. I wouldn’t expect the person who did the breaking up to be so… sad.”

“Carla,honestly, I think I’d prefer you hating me to this psychoanalysis. So could you just leave me be or startshrieking because this I cannothandle.”

Carlasighed and crossed her arms as she leaned in toward Perry. “You look like hell,” she said flatly, notingthe bags under Perry’s eyes.

“If youmust know, my back has been acting up,” Perry snarled.

“And whyis that?” Carla asked, not believing Perry’s excuse.

Perry’sjaw tightened for a moment before he finally looked up at Carla. “Because I’ve slept on the couch for the lasttwo nights,” he said, his voice much quieter. “I can’t sleep in my bed. Doesn’tfeel right without him there.”

Carlablinked, digesting the response she hadn’t been expecting. “I… what now?” she finally asked, at a lossas to what else to say.

“I made ahuge mistake, Carla,” Perry groaned, finallyletting some emotion show in his expression. “I swore to myself that I’d never hurt him…”

Carlacomposed herself – seeing Perry like this was disconcerting. “Then why on earth did you end things with him?”

Perryshook his head, looking pained. “Carla,you and I both know he deserves so muchbetter than me. He – he deserves someonewho can give him everything, who’s more likehim. Someone who knows how good he is.”

“You’refull of shit,” Carla said flatly. “Ihave never heard something so ridiculous in all my life. You’re making all these excuses because you’retoo proud to admit that you’re scared. You’re scared of being vulnerable and ofgiving yourself to one person who you knowwould do anything for you. That level of devotion really freaks you out,doesn’t it? And I’m betting it’s becausethe idea that you can love someone and they can love you just as much and youcan be happy if you’d just try for once in your life is so foreignto you that you’d rather just run the opposite direction and start this wholecycle of hurt all over again.”

Perrylooked abashed, and he opened his mouth to speak, but Carla kept right ongoing, her rage finally having bubbled up to the surface.

“If youhonestly, truly care about JD – if you lovehim – you wouldn’t be here right now. You’d be kneeling by his bed and begging for forgiveness. Because you, me, and everyone else know thatyou’re meant for each other and that he loves you more than anything in thisworld. He hasn’t left his damn bed sinceit happened, Perry, and he can’t keep going like this. And if you’re still too proud and hard-headedto admit that you’re scared, then you’re going to be alone for the rest of yourlife.”

Withthat, Carla left the table, taking her tray with her without another word orglance in Perry’s direction. She knewcoddling Perry would never have made a difference and that he responded muchbetter when she gave his usual blunt rants right back to him. She could only hope that he took it to heart.

Perry didnot think as he left the hospital. Hehadn’t bothered to tell anyone he was leaving and he was sure he’d pay for thatdearly later, thanks in large part to Kelso, but for once, he could recognizethat the hospital couldn’t be his first choice anymore. He sped toward JD’s apartment, disobeyingseveral traffic laws in the process, and finally arrived ten minuteslater. The reality of what he was doing reallydidn’t sink in until he was standing face-to-face with the apartment door. Suddenly, the key to the apartment felt muchheavier in his pocket, though he was quite happy that he hadn’t returned italready. He took a deep breath andhesitated just another moment more before he unlocked the door and steppedinside.

Theapartment was quiet and JD’s bedroom door was shut. Perry could just make out the muffled soundsof JD’s shower running. At least he’dbeen able to rouse himself enough to take a shower. Perry sighed and opened the door to JD’sroom, deciding to wait for him on the bed. And then the sound of low, heart-wrenching sobs met his ears. It was clear that JD wasn’t doing as well ashe seemed and Perry felt a physical ache inhis chest at the sound. There was no wayhe could stand to listen to one second more of this.

“JD?” hecalled into the bathroom, trying to be loud enough for him to hear over thewater, but his voice was surprisingly weak. “JD, I – I want to talk.”

Immediately,the sobbing ceased and Perry heard the unmistakable sound of a bottle ofshampoo being dropped. “I’ll be out in aminute,” came JD’s broken voice, still thick with tears.

Perrysank down onto JD’s bed and put his head in his hands as he waited. How had he screwed things up so royally? And hadn’t he sworn again and again that nomatter what happened he’d never hurt JD? He’d promised him so many times and now here he was, crying his eyes outin the shower because of Perry. It onlyreaffirmed his belief that JD deserved so much better. He was jolted out of his thoughts when heheard JD turn the water off and he waited anxiously for him to dress and emergefrom the bathroom. When he finally did,there was no way he could have prepared himself for just how miserable JDlooked.

Standingbefore him was a very pale JD with bags under his red and puffy eyes, his damphair lying limp against his forehead. Hewas dressed in an old sweatshirt and sweatpants and he looked like death warmedover. He did not speak, instead waitingfor Perry to explain himself.

“JD,”Perry started, pausing when he found his breath catching in his throat. He closed his eyes and began again. “JD, sweetheart, I’m so sorry for what I’veput you through. If I could take it allback, I would.”

JD’s lipquivered, but he stood his ground. “Well,you can’t,” he said, his voice only shaking a little. “What’s done is done. You made it perfectly clear that you don’twant me.”

“It’s notthat I don’t want you,” Perry said, his tone pleading. “I never stopped wanting you, kiddo. I – I was scared. And Carla tearing me a new one today made merealize that.”

“Whatcould you possibly have to be scared of?” JD asked, trying his hardest to soundangry, but it only came out as devastated.

“Of justhow much I love you,” Perry said weakly. It was quite the sobering experience to actually say it out loud andjudging by JD’s expression, he could see that. “JD, I’m not here to make excuses for myself. I just want you to know that if I could havea second chance at this, I’d make sure you knew just how much I care aboutyou. Your happiness means everything tome and while I’m quite certain that there are plenty of people out there whocould make you happier than I ever could, I don’t know that I could live withmyself if I didn’t come here and try to make things right.”

JDsniffed, drawing in a deep, shaky breath, before walking over to the bed andsitting down beside Perry. “Why do youthink someone else could make me happier?” he asked in a small voice, staringdown at his lap. “All I’ve ever wantedis you and when I had you, I was…Perry, you made me happier than I ever could have imagined. And then, out of nowhere, you pushed me awaywith stupid excuses and you said things just to hurt me, to make sure I’dgo. And now you’re telling me it’sbecause you were scared?”

“I’venever felt like this in my entire life,” Perry said quietly, knowing that ifthere was any hope of JD forgiving him, he’d have to be more vulnerable than he’dever been. “I – I don’t know how tohandle it.”

“Youcould start by talking about it,” JD said, a bitter edge to his voice that hadnever been there before. “I tell youeverything, Perry. You’ve never done thesame for me.”

Perryswallowed hard against the lump in his throat. “I’d like to start now, if that’s all right.”

JD saidnothing, so Perry took it as permission to continue.

“Themorning before… everything,” he started uncertainly, “I woke up before youdid. And for a while, I just laid there,watching you sleep. It wasn’t the firsttime, but this time was… different somehow. You looked so peaceful, and just lying there looking at you, Newbie, Icould see everything. Our whole lives were there, right in front ofme. The big things, the smallthings. I could see moving in together,getting married, having a kid or two… I could also see the long days at workand coming home to you and having a frozen pizza for dinner and the stupidarguments we’d have. What scared me mostabout all that was how badly I wanted it. The domesticity, the idea of being so transparent with another person…it freaked me out, JD. And my firstinstinct was to run away and the only way I could think to do that was to hurtyou so badly that you’d willingly go. Itwas cruel and selfish and so very wrong of me to put you through that. Which is why I’ll understand if you want togo our separate ways, but I wouldn’t be able to give up without at leasttrying.”

“All Iever wanted was for you to be like this,” JD said, his voice wavering onceagain. “To be completely honest withme. I always sensed there was something you were holding back, I justdidn’t know what it was. I want allthose things with you, too, Perry. Don’tyou think that scares me just as much? But even through all that fear and uncertainty, I know that it’s right. I don’tcare if there are twenty thousand other people scattered across the globe thatare ‘better suited’ for me than you. Idon’t want anyone else. And I neverwill.”

Perryreleased a long breath and slowly held out his hand for JD to take, but only ifhe chose to. “You’ve always been sopatient with me, sweetheart, and for that, I can’t thank you enough. And if there’s any way for me to repay thatto you, I’ll try for the rest of my life.”

JDhesitated for a moment, but then took Perry’s hand, lacing their fingerstogether. “Just promise me that when youget scared,” he murmured, looking up at Perry with tear-filled eyes, “you’lltell me. If there’s anything I’velearned from this, it’s that we’re stronger together. You keep me in check when I’m doing somethingdumb or crazy and I can help you when you’re worried about something.”

“Ipromise,” Perry vowed, squeezing JD’s hand. “I love you, kid. Yourforgiveness means everything.”

“I loveyou, too,” JD whispered, closing his eyes even as his tears finally slippedfree. He ducked his head andimmediately, Perry pulled him closer, into his arms.

Perrypressed a kiss to JD’s hair, which was still damp, and rocked him slowly. He didn’t bother telling him he was okay orthat things would be all right, because he couldn’t be certain that either ofthem were true. All he could promise wasthat he would try his hardest to see that JD would soon be happy again. And for now, that was enough.

#jdox #scrubs #Anonymous #answered

11 notes · View notes

miraculouscontent · 5 years

Photo

You ready to go for a ride?

MC Chloé was raised into a family of important people. Her father was André Bourgeois, mayor of Paris and owner of the Le Grand Paris hotel, while her mother was Audrey Bourgeois, queen of fashion and world-renowned fashion critic.

As a young child, Chloé spent her time in her room in the hotel, her butler catering to her every whim. Occasionally, she would be sent over to play with Adrien in the Agreste household, being the only friend the other had at the time.

André loved his daughter to bits. He made sure she was taken care of at all times, visited her in whenever he was free, and praised her for anything and everything.

And that was the exact problem. One day, André presented her with a gift: Mr. Cuddly, a teddy bear that had been designed in her image (with Chloé’s tendency towards white-and-black stripes and her--as André would call them--”12-carat” eyes). Chloé loved it and began asking for more.

It all went downhill from there. Asking turned to begging. Begging turned to demanding. André was helpless against his daughter, giving her anything she wanted without argument. He didn’t see the problem with it; she was his baby girl and she deserved the world!

Her parents certainly weren’t in agreement with how to deal with her. Unlike André, Audrey was unaffected by Chloé’s demands. In her view, Chloé had to earn what she wanted, and demanding certainly wasn’t going to get Chloé anything from her. She scolded Chloé--even tried to teach her about fashion--but Chloé was typically lost in whatever gift André had given her that day.

Audrey tried still, despite her frustration. She’d paid for eight years of private classes from Aurélie Dupont and Chloé’s first year had at least looked promising.

Yet, every time Audrey thought she might have made progress, André went behind her back and coddled Chloé. He saw it as protection; perhaps he thought that Audrey was too strict with her.

Audrey was sick of it. She was sick of this flaky half-man who fell at her feet yet ignored everything she had to say.

So, Audrey packed up and left. Fashion was her true family and it was time to return to it, full-time.

As Chloé went through school, thoroughly spoiled and never disciplined by her father, she began seeking the easiest ways to get through life. She befriended Sabrina, someone who was easily manipulated into doing what Chloé wanted. A little hat there, a little jewelry there, maybe a little sob story once in a while, and Sabrina was putty in her manicured hands.

Even Adrien, who Chloé may have once seen as a good friend, was another easy way to the top.

Adrien was nothing but a model--the son of a famous fashion designer--just as Chloé was the daughter of the mayor. That was all she saw and all that mattered.

Her streak as a bully was inevitable. She had power, and the principal folded under any threat of calling her father (regardless of how effective that might've been), essentially making her invincible. All students were beneath her as far as she was concerned.

Especially Marinette Dupain-Cheng. If there was one person Chloé hated most in the entire school, it was Marinette.

Marinette with her pitiful friendly smile. Marinette with her clothes that she handmade instead of buying. Marinette with her parents who didn’t have power but were famous in Paris anyway.

Marinette, with the blue in her eyes that shined more vibrantly than the blue in Chloé’s eyes ever had.

Marinette was the worst, and Chloé did everything in her power to ensure that Marinette would never step above her.

Chloé didn’t often go out of her way to bully others if she didn’t have something to gain, but she made an exception for Marinette.

When akumatizations became a thing, it was clear that Chloé was going to become a problem. Not all akumatizations caused by her were inherently malicious, but to say she was self-absorbed was an understatement.

Reflekta? She wanted to have proof in the school's photos that she knew someone important.

Princess Fragrance? She didn't so much as touch the letter, being disgusted by the very idea of touching anything that was sprayed by such cheap perfume.

Horrificator? Getting a starring role in a film where she gets to kiss Adrien (sorry, the son of someone famous) would surely benefit her in the future.

And people let it go for a while. Chloé got a free ride for a chunk of Season 1. It’s not as if anyone could do anything about it; Chloé had an insult and threat prepared at all times, with Sabrina at her side to do whatever she wanted. The only comeupances she got were from the world, not others (ex: the signed photo of Adrien not being restored by Miraculous Ladybug in “Dark Cupid”).

But Chloé couldn’t go forever without losing something, and that something was Sabrina. It had started out steadily, with Marinette trying to convince Sabrina that Chloé wasn’t right for her; that Sabrina would be better off without friends than with Chloé.

But Sabrina was still conditioned under Chloé’s gifts and Sabrina’s own fears of being alone. Marinette had made a dent, but it wasn’t enough.

Then, Antibug happened (a similar episode but without “Vanisher”), where Chloé tried to use the exact same strategy; showering Sabrina with gifts as if her abandoning Sabrina had never happened. It worked, but Sabrina was beginning to feel on edge.

Rogercop was the breaking point. Chloé knew deep down that André wouldn’t fire Sabrina’s father, but she was against her “worst enemy” (Marinette) and refused to back down.

“What kind of cop do you think you are?” Chloé refuted, pointing an accusing finger in Roger’s direction. “I had something stolen from me and you don’t even care enough to investigate?!”

“Now, now,” Roger argued, “We still don’t know for sure that it’s been stolen--”

“I do!” Chloé gestured to Marinette’s purse. “It’s in that bag; I know it is!”

Tom stepped forward. With all of the stories Marinette had told him, he’s not surprised at this upstart’s claims, but he’s very much infuriated. “Young lady, you will not talk about my daughter that way as if she’s a criminal!”

Roger raised his hands, ready to try and calm the situation once more, but Chloé wasn’t done.

She turned to Sabrina, who stepped back meekly. “Sabrina, is your daddy really questioning me, the mayor’s daughter?”

“C-chloé,” Sabrina attempted. “I-I don’t--”

Chloé shot Roger a glare. “You’re fired!”

Sabrina gaped.

Chloé turned to André. “Daddy, fire him, right now!”

André gave Chloé a hard stare. “Chloé, there’s no way I can do that. That’d be a horrible misuse of my--”

“Chloé!” Sabrina cried out. Suddenly, everyone’s eyes were on her. “Why would you do that? He’s my father!”

Chloé huffed. “Because he’s not doing his job! You don’t care either, do you, Sabrina! You’re supposed to be my best friend!”

Sabrina cowered, sniffling. “O-of course I care!”

Chloé was rambling to the rest of the class by now, ignoring Sabrina just as she always did when Sabrina didn’t hold value to her.

Under her breath, Sabrina whispered sadly, “I thought you were supposed to be my best friend too...”

By the end of the episode, Sabrina would move seats and sit next to Ivan (who’s indifferent to her but ultimately a nice guy who doesn’t see a huge problem with it). Chloé approaches Sabrina and demands to know why she moved, to which Sabrina meekly replies that she doesn’t want to be friends with Chloé anymore.

Chloé is offended, but acts smug and returns to her own seat, certain that Sabrina will come back to her eventually. Sabrina always comes back.

Sabrina doesn’t come back.

Once season 2 hits (and Sabrina has made a few friends, particularly Nathaniel), people start fighting back against Chloé. It’s not just the universe or karma that’s fighting her; it’s everyone in Miss Bustier’s class. They defend each other, mock Chloé ’s ways of rising to the top, and complain when Chloé isn’t properly punished by the teachers/principal.

Even Miss Bustier, who’d enabled Chloé for a long time, stops coddling her after "Zombizou,” even forcing her to apologize to the class. She starts being stricter and stops tolerating Chloé’s outbursts and disrespect of other students.

Things get worse for Chloé during Despair Bear. Adrien got sick of her behavior and had been questioning their relationship (what little was left of it) for a long time, so he leaves.

Chloé tries to be nice for him. She throws a party and tries to convince Adrien back to her side.

She already lost Sabrina. She’s not going to lose Adrien too!

And Adrien is convinced at first. He thought she was trying. He thought she enjoyed being nice.

And maybe, deep down, she did. Maybe, for just a moment, she enjoyed that everyone was smiling at her rather than leering at her.

But, the second Adrien agreed to be friends with Chloé again, she went right back to doing what she was doing before.

In the middle of her criticisms of Marinette’s macaroons, Adrien calls out to her. His gaze isn’t desperate or sad like it was when he’d first broken up their friendship. Instead, it's stern.

“You lied to me. I thought you wanted to prove that you were nice--I wanted you to be nice--because you used to be, a long time ago. I kept sticking up for you, but you hurt my friends. You hurt Marinette. You hurt me. It...it’s over, Chloé. We’re done. I can’t be friends with you anymore.”

She’d broken the last straw. She’d lost Adrien too.

Chloé huffs. She seethes. She goes home and throws things around in a blind rage-filled tantrum.

She might cry just a little.

The gall. The nerve! First Sabrina and now Adrien?! What was the world coming too?!

They must be deluded, Chloé concludes. They only started rebelling against her recently. Something must’ve happened! Obviously, she couldn’t have done anything.

All she has to do is figure it out and get rid of their delusions once and for all.

However, Chloé remained completely oblivious to the fact that she was the one who caused the delusions.

Cut to “Style Queen” and the return of Chloé’s mother, Audrey Bourgeois. Chloé doesn’t remember much about her mother, but she sees Audrey’s status. She sees Audrey’s worth.

She follows Audrey, copies Audrey’s movements, and tries to do whatever she can to get on Audrey’s good side.

Audrey, however, is not impressed. Not by Chloé, at least.

Once again, Chloé finds herself one-upped by Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Audrey adores and praises Marinette, going on and on about how brilliant and talented Marinette is. She even wants Marinette to go back to New York with her!

Chloé screams. She stomps her feet. She points accusingly at Marinette and demands to know why Audrey would take Marinette of all people

Audrey makes it explicitly clear. She’s taking Marinette because Marinette’s exceptional.

Chloé protests; she’s exceptional too! Her eyes fill with unshed tears, because none of her tactics are working anymore. She had to be smarter on her own without Sabrina around and she’s failed at doing that. Even her own mother is against her. No one’s giving her attention anymore.

Audrey looks down at her with a judgmental frown.

“The only thing exceptional about you... is your mother.”

Chloé’s eyes widen with a fury. Everyone gapes at the sheer bluntness of Audrey’s words.

André brings his hands down to Chloé’s shoulders. “A-audrey, dear--”

Chloé’s tears are already gone, as if they evaporated from Chloé’s rage alone. Huffing, Chloé shoves André away. If she had something special--something to prove that she was powerful--she would've whipped it out right then and there to show her mother she was someone important.

She has nothing.

“I’m the mayor’s daughter! I’m your daughter!” she yells. “Why don’t you love me?!”

Everyone else went stiff at the screaming going on, but Audrey stands firm, unmoving and unafraid by Chloé’s childish outbursts.

Her arms crossed, Audrey lifts a single hand and calmly points at Chloé. “That’s why.”

A bit of confusion overshadows Chloé’s anger. She stares down at herself, trying to follow Audrey’s pointing.

She doesn’t understand. She grits her teeth. Her fists tighten at her sides. She goes to yell again.

Marinette tries to step in. “M-miss Bourgeois, I--”

Audrey casts a gaze over to Marinette, the sternness in it replaced with a calm understanding. “Don’t worry, Feather Princess. You’ll get your turn.”

Marinette pauses. She raises a brow, confused.

Audrey turns back to Chloé. Without looking, she plucks Marinette’s hat off of Adrien’s head. “Do you know this hat, Chlorine?”

“Chloé!” Chloé corrects loudly.

“Answer the question,” Audrey says, her voice firm and unwavering.

Chloé stares down at the hat. She glares at it.

Of course she recognizes it.

Looking up at Audrey, Chloé points to Marinette. “It’s her ridiculous design! Her and her stupid feathers!”

“Yet you stole it,” Audrey states. “This was Marinette’s hat and you stole her design. If it weren’t for Marinette’s signature, you might’ve gotten away with it, hm?”

Chloé says nothing, silently seething. Audrey puts the hat back.

“I--” Chloé swallows, then straightens, bringing back her energy. “I did stuff on my own! I ran for class representative!”

“And what happened there?” Audrey asks, not even bothering to feign innocence.

Chloé casts a glare to Marinette, who was pretending to be distracted by the floor.

“You think I don’t know about everything you did?” Audrey steps forward. “You couldn’t win on your own, could you? You had to get your father to help you, and even then, you tried to threaten your opponent by stealing her diary.”

Audrey glances at Marinette. Chloé knows that Audrey knows who that opponent was.

“You also sabotaged the dish of her uncle,” Audrey points out. “You accused her of stealing from you. You called the fire department and pinned the blame on her.”

Audrey steps forward. Chloé steps back.

“Even those eight years of private classes I gave you. What happened?”

“I was going to be picked!” Chloé protests. “I was incredible!”

“But you weren’t picked,” Audrey reminds her. “And who took your place?”

Yet again, Chloé falls silent.

Audrey continues, “You were so upset that you tried to get the music video canceled.”

Chloé drops her gaze to the floor. Audrey bends over, making herself eye level with Chloé. Their faces are mere inches away, almost forcing Chloé to make eye contact.

Audrey speaks, “Because you were jealous of what she had--”

“I’M NOT JEALOUS!” Chloé screams, jerking her head up.

Once again, Audrey isn’t phased. Chloé’s voice had been dripping with jealousy. The point had been made.

Chloé pants, her rage no longer able to whip up a storm. It’s diminishing, like a fire without enough wood. No one’s phased by even her outbursts anymore.

Audrey stands straight, glancing down at Marinette. “Well? Do you have anything to say to her?”

Marinette looks up at Audrey, then to Chloé. She’s silent, but there's a pain in her expression; a pain caused by years of being bullied.

Audrey glances back at Adrien. “And you, Butterfly Prince? You were friends with her once.”

Chloé glares at Adrien, letting out a one final, “Adrikins.”

Adrien stares back, but shakes his head, looking away from her with an immense disappointment in his eyes.

Chloé feels a sharp stinging in her chest, but she ignores it. She growls, then lets out a frustrated yell before storming out of the building.

André gives one fleeting glance back at everyone else, then meekly follows after Chloé.

Those of you who remember my very first post on MC Audrey will probably recall the dialog at the end of it. It takes place on the same day as Audrey berating Chloé, but Chloé also hears part of it.

Chloé had walked back into the building before the conversation began. She had no plan, no strategy, but she was looking for something to set her sights on. Catching sight of Audrey and Marinette (and simultaneously their conversation) had been an accident.

“Let me ask you something. Did you see Chloe’s face change when I was talking to you? Those tears in her eyes came when I called you exceptional. They were tears of frustration that I was giving you the attention she wanted from me. She made it all about her.

“And when I offended her? Implied that she was unexceptional? There weren’t tears anymore. That was all rage.

“I know more than enough about people like her. The second she went home and got handed her next shiny object, she forgot all about it because the world felt like hers again."

And in the short pause, from her place behind a wall, Chloé stared down at her hands.

She's holding a golden phone case; something that her dad had given her to calm her down. It had worked.

Chloé said nothing, but walked away before she could hear any more of the conversation, because she didn't want to hear any more.

Next up is "Malediktator." The classroom is a cruel place for Chloé to be when she's just got off of "Queen Wasp."

Aside from staring out the window, Chloé can't look anywhere without being reminded of her failures.

W-wait. Not her failures. Other people's failures. That's right.

If she looks behind her, Sabrina is conversing with Nathaniel. If she looks to her left, Adrien doesn't even spare her a glance. If she looks to her front, Miss Bustier gives her a wary gaze that tells her not to try anything.

Plus, Marinette apparently has Audrey's number now and Audrey's been texting her with critiques on her latest fashion designs.

Marinette, Marinette, Marinette. It always has to be about her, doesn't it?

Chloe jerks up all of a sudden, because she realizes something.

All this time--all these failures--have been because of Marinette. In Chloé's twisted view, Marinette was there for all of them, so she must've done this.

Because that's easy. It's easiest to blame Marinette for this and not admit that it was Chloé herself who messed everything up.

Chloé believes that everything will go back to the way it was before if she just gets rid of Marinette. Thus, Chloé leaves the classroom (despite Miss Bustier's protests) and heads right for her father, ready to make one final push to get him to abuse his power.

"Daddy!" Chloé calls, pushing the doors open so forcefully that they slam against the wall.

André flinches, looking fearful at first, then frowns with concern. "Chloé, my dear! What's wrong? Shouldn't you be in school?"

Chloé walks forward, slamming her hand on his desk. "Marinette Dupain-Cheng has wronged me for the last time!"

"That girl again?" André asks, albeit warily. All his meetings with Marinette had been fine (if a bit...interesting at times), and André knows that Marinette is a good student despite her absences. "What did she do?"

"She turned everyone against me!" Chloé declares. "She set up this whole plot to make all my friends leave!"

André chews his bottom lip. He knows where this is going.

"I want her expelled--NO--" Chloé slams her other hand on the desk. "--I want her and her family banished from Paris!"

André gapes. "Chloé, dearest, you know I can't do that. That would be a horrible misuse of my--"

"That's what you always say!" Chloé throws her arms up, exasperated. "You're the mayor!"

She gestures to the sash he wears. "What's the point of your stupid sash if you won't use it for me, your own daughter?!"

André might've been slightly offended at the notion that his role as mayor was pointless. "Chloé, I love you, but you're asking too much of me. I'll give you any gift you want, but--"

Chloé fumes, immediately reminded of what her mother had said about her. She swats at the papers on André's desk, scattering them up into the air. "No! I don't want your ridiculous gifts! I don't want your so-called love! I--"

Chloé breathes up, not even thinking. "I HATE YOU, DADDY!"

The room goes still, the papers having fallen ungracefully to the floor. André's eyes are wide and hurt, like he's been cut at the heart from the inside.

Chloé, too filled with rage to care, turns away. She storms out and makes sure to slam the doors behind her as hard as she can.

Then, she braces herself against them, mentally exhausted. She breathes, her anger dissipating into a dull annoyance in the back of her head.

As she stands there, coming to full mental clarity, her eyes widen. She looks back at the door, then recoils from it as if it had burned her. In the silence of the room, she realizes what she'd just said to her father and how hurt he was by it.

Without meaning to, she'd turned away the last person who was there for her, all by herself.

No. No, that...that's what André needed to hear. He refused her demands and deserved to be yelled at. Chloé should just use her connections--move to New York herself--and then André would miss her and have no choice but to give her what she wants.

That's what Chloé tells herself, but as she starts to leave the building, she doesn't look so sure.

Cut to Chloé in her helicopter leaving Paris and Malediktator stopping it. When Chloé first sees her father akumatized, she's horrified. Countless akumatized people had come after her and she remembers the horrible things she said to her dad. He was no doubt furious with her.

She expects the worst and tries to run, but he cuts her off. He opens his mouth to speak and she instinctively flinches.

Yet, he tells her that he can give her whatever she wants now; that he'll prove that he loves her, because he's Malediktator and no longer bound to what André might've believed.

And Chloé hesitates. That's not at all what she expected. It even sounds...nice?

Malediktator takes her away to her room in his hotel and starts to shower with affection and gifts. He praises her, apologizes to her, and gives her everything she asks for.

And Chloé likes it at first. She loves it even. Certainly, she was right to yell at André, because it got him to really listen to her!

She starts feeling like Season 1 Chloé all over again; like she's on top of the world and no one can touch her.

But when she's lost in that fantasy and turns her head to talk to Sabrina, she gets the first strike of reality.

Oh. That's right. Sabrina's not here. Adrien's not here. Sabrina left. Adrien left. Chloé thought that drowning herself in material possessions would fix all of it, but it somehow just serves as a reminder of how alone she is.

Malediktator sees Chloé's unhappiness and leaves. When he returns, he brings Sabrina and Adrien with him. At first, Chloé is thrilled, because she thought they came back for her.

But then, she notes that they're mind-controlled by Malediktator. Sabrina is at her side immediately and Adrien starts talking about how amazing Chloé is and how he’s deeply in love with her.

Chloé tells herself this is fine. After all, she was just using them anyway, so really, it should make no difference to her whether they're mind-controlled or not.

Eventually, Malediktator even brings her Audrey, who's equally mind-controlled and dotes on Chloé, telling her how she's perfect the way she is and that she should never change.

Chloé smiles, but she's unnerved. She thought she deserved praise. She thought she deserved everyone admiring her.

But this feels wrong. Everything feels off. Nothing feels real. Chloé believed that material possessions and blind affection would make her happy, but they don't.

She doesn't want this.

Malediktator leaves to go look for Ladybug and Chat Noir. Chloé, uncomfortable with the three people around her, makes excuses and gets them to leave due to a very long and complicated request. Then, she runs off to the roof, hiding behind a chair to sulk.

Her world is crashing down. She's not happy. She's alone. Malediktator brought her company yet she still felt alone because there was nothing real about it.

And it's all her fault.

Ladybug finds her while she's swinging along, trying to find a holder to give the bee miraculous to (since Chat is apparently MIA again). She lands, noting that Chloé seems almost traumatized, what with how she's holding her head and shaking.

"Chloé?" Ladybug calls warily.

Chloé flinches, then slowly peeks up, afraid to find someone else under mind control. "L-ladybug?"

Ladybug kneels down to Chloé's level, nodding. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yes," Chloé answers quietly. She looks to Ladybug with urgency. "You have to stop my daddy! He's been akumatized!"

"I know," Ladybug says calmly. She eyes Chloé up and down, taking note of her pitiful state. "What happened? Is he after you?"

Chloé goes silent, staring at Ladybug for only a moment longer before looking down at the ground.

"Chloé. I need to know," Ladybug stresses.

"...No. Not really."

"No?" Ladybug asks, surprised. "Then, what are you doing out here? Why are you so shook up?"

Another beat of silence. Ladybug hesitates, not wanting to pry, but she needs information.

She gently grabs Chloé's shoulders. Chloé stiffens at the gesture, but her head remains bowed and her body continues shaking. Ladybug is firm, trying not to get frustrated. "Chloé, please. This is serious. He has dangerous powers. I need to know where his akuma is. Do you have any idea--"

"IT'S MY FAULT, OKAY?!"

Ladybug recoils, pulling her hands away. When Chloé looks back up at Ladybug, her eyes are full of tears.

"It's my fault! I yelled at him. I-I told him I hated him. He got akumatized because of me." She suddenly lets out a sob, hunching over with regret. "Everyone gets akumatized because of me."

"B-but..." Ladybug begins, unsure of what to do in this situation. "You said he wasn't after you."

"H-he's not," Chloé confirms. "He wants to give me everything I ever wanted."

Ladybug blinks. It’s so unlike Chloé to refuse such a offer. "That's...bad?"

Chloé flops over, staring at nothing. "...It's not what I want."

She starts sobbing harder, her cheeks red with embarrassment. She turns her face down to help hide her expression, but her sobbing worsens. "I-I want Sabrina and Adrikins back. I want to be exceptional."

Ladybug raises a hand towards Chloé, but stops herself. She doesn't know how to feel, staring down at her bully of so many years.

Finally, Ladybug brings her hand down, gently rubbing Chloé's head. She looks around warily, making sure Malediktator wasn't around, then focuses back on Chloé. "Are you sorry?"

Chloé peeks up at her. "W-what?"

"Good friends don't leave for no reason," Ladybug points out, trying to act as if she knows nothing of Chloé‘s situation. "Did you hurt them?"

Chloé sniffles, then chokes. She's curled up, not even bothering to lift her head. She pauses, then mumbles something under her breath.

"What?" Ladybug asks, not hearing.

Chloé looks up at her miserably, then places a hand on one of Ladybug's legs. She pulls herself up slightly, then lets her face fall into Ladybug's lap.

"I'm sorry."

Ladybug's eyes widen.

Chloé continues, "I have no friends. They all left because I made everyone miserable. I was just--" She cut herself off briefly with a sob. "--jealous."

Ladybug places her hands on Chloé's shoulders, saying nothing.

"I'm sorry," Chloé says again. She repeats it, muttering into Ladybug's lap. "I'm sorry to everyone. I'm sorry to Daddy."

She chokes again. There's a deep sense of regret in her voice. "I-I'm sorry to Marinette."

Ladybug gapes. It‘s the first time Chloé has ever said that name without any scorn or disgust.

Ladybug stares down at Chloé quietly, pausing for a long moment, then looks around.

"Being exceptional takes a lot of work," she says. Idly, she pulls out the box containing the bee miraculous. "Being loved for who you are takes a lot of heart."

She pushes Chloé up. "But you can't do it the way you are. Feeling bad is only the first step. Change is something you have to want."

Chloé meets Ladybug's gaze, her sobbing having quieted but tears still running down her cheeks.

Ladybug asks simply, "Do you want to change?"

Chloé stares at Ladybug, long and hard. She stares down into her own lap, then her hands, then looks back at Ladybug. "I...I do. But...everyone who would know how to left me. H-how do I even start?"

"You can start by doing something for good, and not because you want attention," Ladybug states. "Are you ready for that?"

Chloé wipes her tears, nodding vigorously.

Ladybug smiles. "Then, Chloé, this is the miraculous of the bee..."

It's just the start, but Ladybug gives Chloé that chance to do something great while not taking credit for it as herself. They face Malediktator together, and Queen Bee is able to use her private dance lessons to skillfully dodge Malediktator's orbs.

She's using what she has for something good, for an unselfish purpose. Ladybug gives her constructive criticism when Queen Bee's not paying attention, but congratulates her for successful dodges and is impressed by her moves.

It makes Queen Bee feel important and noticed, but simultaneously makes her want to be better.

And, once Chloé de-transforms, she returns the miraculous and immediately rushes to her father, hugging him and mumbling apologies.

Ladybug watches quietly. Ultimately, it was André's spoiling that led Chloé down this cruel path, but Chloé wasn't without fault. It wouldn't be wise to leave Chloé without someone to properly guide her.

This gives Ladybug an idea. More specifically, it gives Marinette the idea to go see Chloé at the hotel the very next day.

Marinette brings Chloé to the park, where Audrey is standing next to her helicopter, ready to head back to New York.

Audrey looks over, directing her gaze towards Chloé. "I was told you had something to say to me?"

Chloé glances back at Marinette, unsure. Marinette gives her a reassuring nod.

Chloé approaches Audrey. She stares down at the grass, hands cupped in front of her. "M-mom, I..."

Audrey raises a brow, noting Chloé's demeanor.

"I'm sorry," Chloé manages. She stiffens, the next words hard to say. "...You're right. I'm not exceptional. I always got everyone to do everything for me. I don't know how to do anything myself. It was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous."

She continues, meeting Audrey's gaze, "B-but I want to learn how to be exceptional. I want you to teach me, s-so..."

Audrey is quiet for a long time, Chloé shifting her hands about as if her palms were sweating. Chloé looks back down, afraid of her mother's judgmental eyes.

But then, Audrey raises a hand, lifting Chloé's chin to encourage Chloé to look at her. Audrey smiles. "I hope you're ready for the lesson of your life then, my dear Chloé."

Chloé's eyes widen. She gasps. As Audrey turns to get into the helicopter, Chloé looks back at Marinette in awe.

Marinette offers her two thumb's up.

Chloé turns eagerly back to Audrey, stepping one foot onto the helicopter.

She stops.

Marinette blinks, confused.

Chloé's eyes briefly dart back to Marinette, then to the ground. Her cheeks were turning red and she looks conflicted.

Finally, Chloé steps down, walking towards Marinette with her hands tightened into fists.

Marinette holds her hands up, almost afraid that Chloé has snapped and is about to fight her, but Chloé holds something out to her instead.

A golden phone case.

"H-here," Chloé insists. "I-it's not like I'll need it anyway."

Marinette takes the case in her hands. The gold shines back at her due to the sun's rays. She smiles, holding the case to her chest. "Thanks."

Chloé quickly runs off to join Audrey.

And that would be the last we hear from Chloé for a while. After so many episodes that involved her directly, there's some downtime where nothing focuses on her at all. There are occasional calls from Audrey in episode openers, or episodes where Audrey visits and vents to Marinette about some of Chloé's more ridiculous outbursts in New York, but point being, we don't see her for a while.

Then, at some point before the Season 2 finale, just as Miss Bustier's students are settling down to begin class, Miss Bustier makes an announcement. She says that a student is returning to them.

The door opens, and in steps Chloé, who looks very different from what she looked like when she left. Personally, I'd go with something similar to her (slightly edited by me) concept art:

- Hair let free (with perhaps only the back of her hair in a ponytail).

- Little to no make-up.

- Modest clothing that innovates her mother’s style without copying it verbatim.

- Wider eyes and a smile that doesn't make her look like she's constantly sneering.

The entire class is silent, but Chloé pretends to be calm, brushing a lock of hair behind an ear. She steps up next to Miss Bustier, who asks if Chloé has anything to say (though even she looks a bit wary).

Chloé breathes up, her face turned toward the class but her eyes drawn to the floor.

Marinette can see her nervousness. She can see that Chloé wants so badly to make a good re-introduction.

A moment later, Chloé simply states that she knows how everyone felt about her before she left, and hopes they can accept the new her as someone different. It's not the best choice of words, and Chloé is clearly struggling to face everyone at once, but Marinette can see that she's trying.

However, no one can expect the class to just forget about everything she did. After a long silence, Sabrina looks away first, then Nathaniel, then the rest of the class, excluding Marinette.

Chloé grimaces. Miss Bustier doesn't have to tell her that her old seat is still available because Chloé is already walking over there, sliding closer to the window before slumping pitifully into her desk.

Marinette watches silently, looking around to see if maybe someone in the class will react differently to her, but there's no one. Steeling herself up, Marinette stands.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" Marinette asks.

Chloé looks up. Marinette points to the seat next to her.

Chloé blinks, looking down at the seat, then back to Marinette. The light in her eyes is shimmering just before she abruptly turns away.

"I-it's not like anyone else is sitting there."

Marinette smiles, nestling into the seat. Miss Bustier looks at her with an unknown expression, then begins class.

Marinette looks over, noting that Chloé is hunched away from her, only using a small corner of the desk to work.

Softly, Marinette speaks up. "I like your new look. Did your mom design it for you?"

Chloé stops whatever she was working on, then turns her head partly without fully facing Marinette. "N-no. I designed it myself." After a pause, she lets out a tiny groan, a bit of comical exhaustion going into her voice. "Mom wouldn't let me come back until I did it all on my own."

Marinette giggled. "Well, it's good! You should be proud."

She hears Chloé breathe up. Chloé's head turns slightly more to her, and for a split second, Marinette can see Chloé blinking rapidly, as if she's trying to fight oncoming tears.

Happy tears.

Marinette opens her mouth to continue, but Chloé jerks her head back to her own work. Marinette frowns, a bit put off and now worried that she was too strong in her approach.

She opens her bag, fumbling through its contents before pulling out her phone. It’s glittering due to the gold casing.

"I kept your phone case," Marinette whispers, hoping to get one more reaction out of Chloé. "It's really nice."

Chloé shifts, but is still silent, merely staring at her work and not doing anything else.

Well, Marinette supposes that class is a bad time to see how Chloé's doing anyway. It was nice while it lasted, at least.

Marinette directs her gaze to the board, ready to focus on Miss Bustier's lesson, but is distracted by a light thumping sound to her right. Glancing over, she notes that Chloé has slammed a piece of paper onto the table and is scribbling on it vigorously. Marinette could swear that she could see steam rising from the tip of the pen.

After roughly a minute, Chloé stops. She clicks her pen and puts it away. She folds the paper in a haste.

Her hands shake. She sets the paper back down, then suddenly slides it over to Marinette's side of the desk.

Marinette's mouth drops open. She looks back at Chloé, but Chloé is still facing away from her. Tentatively, Marinette takes the paper in her hands and unfolds it.

Immediately, she smiles. There's writing all over the paper, but Chloé had crossed out most of it. What Marinette can make out is that the writing were variations of the only things Chloé didn't cross out.

“I'm sorry” and ”Thank you”

Marinette looks over, hoping that Chloé is watching her. Alas, Chloé's back is still turned to her, which is a shame, because Marinette wishes that Chloé could see the proud smile she had on.

Ladybug would be proud. Ladybug is proud.

Marinette slides closer, leaning forward to ensure that no one else would hear her; Chloé would certainly die of embarrassment otherwise.

Quietly, Marinette whispers, "You're welcome. I forgive you."

Just as Marinette slides back into her seat, the slightest blush forms on Chloé's face.

#((can i go to bed now))#MC's Character Revamps #MC: Chloé Bourgeois #category: long post #word count: over 6000 #MC's Writing #writing: story #writing: dialog #other: ask and answer

341 notes · View notes