#literally me telling them since october of last year 6 MONTHS AGO
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having the best day of my life (finally convinced my parents i dont wanna do neet)
#lmao literally 15 days before the exam THEY FINALLY understood that i DONT wanna be a doctor#literally me telling them since october of last year 6 MONTHS AGO#and now they're like u shouldve told us earlier we already paid the application fee :( like girl i DID TELL YOU ALL#lmao#anyway my dad is amazing and totally is supporting me on this which is great he legit said#“i dont want u to take any pressure at all i just want u to be happy”#i will cry#literally the most shocking things happening in my life but ending up being happy accidents jsldfhls#love this new season of my life
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i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.
you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.
the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?
idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.
thank you for the feedback!
i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?
now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright
on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense
now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.
and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.
yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮💨
if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.
as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"
i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine
do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this
if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr
oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)
and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters
goodbye
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…okay I don’t think I’m going to manage another prompt fill today, my brain just won’t boot, but I guess that means this is as a good a time as any to explain what the fuck is going on. I’ve already talked about it on like three of my Discord servers but I know I have a lot of mutuals on here who aren’t in any of those servers so.
I’ve been having issues with my back on and off since my mid 20s. I didn’t have insurance then so I didn’t do anything about it, and when I did get insurance at 31 it wasn’t a priority. However, after I had a really bad flare up while I was pregnant with our second kid, it became a higher priority. When I had another flare up and wasn’t pregnant, so I could actually get testing, I went to an ortho urgent care. They did an x ray, said nothing was wrong, and told me I should get painkillers. So I went to my PCP, said I thought I needed an MRI, and they said that would never get approved by insurance and they sent me to PT. That was about 3.5 years ago. I did the PT but since my flare ups never lasted more than 6 weeks, and the PT was a six week course, obviously I was “cured” by the PT, so every time I had a flare up any attempt at care was met with, “go to PT.” And considering that first round of PT 1. Didn’t help and 2. Cost me $750 out of pocket cause insurance didn’t cover it…yeah I didn’t do that. My flare ups got more and more frequent, from once every few years in my 20s, to once every year, to more than once a year. This year, one last winter never fully faded.
By summer I had steady low level pain and stiffness but I could manage through it so I just ignored it. That started intensifying in October, and I thought it was a full new flare by November, except the pain was different than past flares - more intense, more constant, much harder to ignore and work through. It also had a strong radiating sciatic component that was fucking ow. And it got steadily worse. I spoke to my PCP about a month in; she offered PT and I said no. She got me naproxon for pain and baclifen as a muscle relaxer. It didn’t help. She told me if it didn’t fade in six weeks I should call again. Which I did, a few days before Christmas, when it was clear that far from fading, it was getting steadily worse. I couldn’t stand long enough to do the dishes without incapacitating pain; Christmas night I drove my mom home and couldn’t make my foot depress enough to press the brake. That was. Well it’s a good thing moms house is only a few minutes away. I haven’t driven since then cause I have only gotten worse. She referred me to a specialist I chose because of their good reputations and my wife’s knowledge of them,
I talked to the specialist about everything last Thursday, and finally, after four years of me telling any doctor I could that I thought I needed an MRI, I had my first ever MRI on Monday. The specialist also gave me much better meds, which at least have meant I slept; by the night before my appointment I was in so much pain that sleep was literally impossible; I spent the night curled in a ball on the couch playing Minecraft and wishing any position would hurt less cause I was so tired. (I’d hardly slept three other nights that week for similar reasons).
Anyway, yesterday I had my follow up with the specialist to discuss the MRI results and, uh. I guess my first appointment I didn’t do a great job of explaining just how much pain I was in, because she was very much talking about PT and related treatment. After looking at the MRI she said, I’m going to see if the surgeon is available to speak to you literally right now (unfortunately, he wasn’t). She still hedged bets and said the surgeon might not recommend surgery, but after she said that she spent the entire rest of the appointment discussing surgery so. She clearly thinks I need surgery. I have a herniated bulging disc between my L4 and L5 vertebrae which has caused spinal stenosis, which is leading to the pain, tingling, growing weakness, etc. in laymens terms, the disc is all fucked up and it’s pressing on my spinal cord. It’s basically just a matter of time now before I start to risk permanent nerve damage (I’m not there yet but could easily get there). I wasn’t even able to get an appointment with the surgeon yet, because his regular calendar is full for weeks out, and they need to talk to his secretary to see if he can squeeze me in much sooner, but she won’t be back in the office until Monday. In the meantime, she gave me a list of conditions that, should I meet any of them, I should immediately go to the ER, tell them what’s going on, and the surgeon on call would do the surgery instead (the spine folks I saw are part of the hospital, and the four surgeons they have are the four on call surgeons at the ER, and they’re all good, so this isn’t going to get me worse care). She also made it sound like, given staff shortages caused by Covid and scheduling issues also caused by Covid, there was a pretty high chance I’d have to use the ER option.
All of which is to say, I need major surgery on my back and I’ve been in continual pain for about 2 months.
I’m currently on ludicrous amounts of medication, and yesterday she added prednisone to the mix, and that’s what’s just. Completely knocking me out. I was doing okay before that but today I really am just reverting to my natural boneless blob state on the couch…and I’m still in pain and can hardly stand.
I have no idea when my surgery will be, since I could theoretically meet one of the “go right now” criteria at any time. We’ve made what arrangements we can, and will be making more as we’re able, but…yeah. It’s a lot. I’m actually relieved about the surgery itself, since I’ve been dealing with this for so long, and I’ve been so sure I had a herniated disc and that I’d need surgery to fix it, and sure enough I was right, and if they’d listened to me sooner, I might not be in this mess now, but oh well. The surgery has a very high success rate and if I do PT and stuff after odds are I’ll be pain free and back to 100% once I’m through the recovery, so this isn’t a bad thing, I mostly just wish I could fucking get it over with again.
I am. So tired.
(I also can’t sit at my computer literally at all anymore; I’m doing everything from my iPad rn, which is why everything I write is full of typos and weird auto corrects, and I’m sorry.)
(This is also why I’m behind in literally everything I’ve said I’ll do. I’m sorry. I’m trying.)
#unforth rambles#I was going to hold off on this until I knew for 100% sure that I needed surgery#and had it scheduled#but I’m tired and miserable today#so I guess I’m just gonna post it now and throw it into the void
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Love Is Worth It - Episode I
It Was Just A Normal Day
Characters: Chris Evans x Maya Alonso-Evans (Black OFC)
Warnings: Angst, Nothing extreme but could upset some, cursing, slight Implied smut
Word Count: 2k
Summary: What happens when those that don’t agree with you or your love are in positions of power?
Authors Note: This is out a lot earlier than expected so I hope you all enjoy. Also it has been a while since I’ve written so please bear with my rustiness, and there’s slight edits so there may be errors.
Disclaimer: There is slight police abuse of power that may be triggering to some.
Taglist: @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss if you would like to join the taglist message me.
Please leave a note and tell me what you think!
October 24th, 2019
The day started out just like any other...
Chris woke up at 5am to go on a run with Dodger.
I got up 30 minutes later headed to our home gym got on the Peloton for a workout then get started on breakfast.
Chris and Dodger get back around 6:30am
At 6:45am Chris carries me to the shower where we have “spontaneous” shower sex till Delilah knocks on our door.
7:30am I get Delilah ready for school then we eat breakfast as a family while Chris and I play footsie under the table and he quizzes her on current events. Did I mention she’s only 5 years old...
At 8:30am Chris and Delilah are out the door headed to school since it’s on the way to the set for Chris’s next project.
At this time I’m just sipping coffee reviewing my appointment schedule at the office and I head out the door at 9am.
It was just a normal day but something felt off.
When I pulled out of the gate of my driveway I see a Boston PD car just sitting on the corner next to our noisiest neighbor Mrs. Goldheim. She’s 70 and acts like she has no business to tend to but mine when what she really should be doing is getting some of her own dick, so she can hop off my dick and mind her damn business.
Anyway I’m getting off topic, as I drive down the road that same police cruiser begins to follow me lights off and at a safe distance for about a mile and then turns left down Sycamore, I was mad confused but I didn’t have time to think about the weird ass Boston cops right now.
I got to the office around 9:45am, had my first client at 10am and from that point It was nonstop between facials to acne treatments to talking women who don’t need plastic surgery off of that ledge I had my hands full for it only being the middle of October. But hey that’s the life I signed up for when becoming a dermatologist.
My last meeting about my new skincare venture ended at 5:30pm and I went to pick up Delilah from after school care. We stopped by the supermarket to get groceries so I could hopefully make my abuelas famous arroz con pollo for dinner tonight.
As a treat we stopped at Cold Stone got two pints of chocolate devotion for our after dinner mini celebration. Since not even a month ago Delilah was moved ahead to the first grade and got an A on her recent math test.
This is where the normal day began to take a nosedive.
Around 8pm we were headed to the house from Cold Stone, my little Dede and I were talking about her day, and Chris called to let us know that filming ended a tad early and he was already home.
We are just around the corner when I see another police cruiser this time they were following a lot closer but yet again they had on no lights.
My hands began to clam up as I kept looking in the mirrors at the two white men in the vehicle following me.
As I pulled into my gate they followed me in. Rushing I parked, grabbed my purse, and got out, unhooked Delilah from the seat and carried her to the door.
“Excuse me Miss” one of the officers spoke stopping me before I could enter my home. I felt like I was frozen In place with a hand on the doorknob.
“Mommy what’s wrong” Delilah asked looking at me with fright her big brown eyes. I turned around putting my shy ray of sunshine down, with a reassuring smile, I look at her and tell her that everything was alright as she hid behind my legs while the officers approached us.
It might be because I’m scared but it felt as if they both were towering over me, even though i was the one with the high ground standing on the steps.
One man looked like he was on a mission while the other looked like he was just there for observation.
The younger one looked at Delilah and said “there is no reason to be afraid sweetheart we are the good guys” the tension was thick as Delilah looked up at me and no one said a word.
The older man of the two cleared his throat and looked at me dead in the eyes as if he was trying to intimidate me.
“Good Evening Miss, are you the nanny? I’m looking for your boss.” I raised an eyebrow ignoring the question and asked “can I please get her in the house?” both officers looked at each other weird since I didn’t answer his original question but both nodded.
I looked at my watch showing it to be 8:40pm usually I would kissing my man trying to figure out the best way to get him out of his clothes. But at the moment I’m standing on my steps scared for our life.
I unlocked the door and told her to go and get her dad who at the time was in the living room playing the grand piano. The beautiful sounds of the piano could be heard when I opened the door and as I closed the door you can hear Dodger bark and scurry toward the door.
The officer began to speak once more “now I’m going to ask you again Miss is your boss home?”
Placing my hand on my hip, I let out an exasperated sighed and said “if I had a boss and they were here I would be very confused”.
The younger officer eyes grew out of surprise and the older officer did not look too happy by my snarky remark.
“Miss please cooperate we don’t want any trouble, but since you can’t answer my questions hand over your license” the older officer said with a smug look and his gloved hand outstretched.
My stomach grew with a bubble of nerves even though it can’t be seen on my face i was scared.
“If I may ask officers what is this about this is my home have I done something wrong?” I huffed retrieving my license and handing it to the older officer, “we will see about that” he says and walks to the cruiser leaving the other officer in silence.
“Look we are just doing the job we were called out to do” the younger officer said to me I looked at him like he had two heads but before I could say another word Chris walked out the door closing it behind him.
He look so damn fine in grey sweats with a matching crew neck sweater, his gold chain I bought him for Father’s Day laying on top and his Red Sox cap pointed to the back.
He came up next to me wrapping his arm around my waist and kissing the top of my head, mumbling. “Baby are you alright?” he asks looking at me rubbing my back as I look at him.
I nod as a sense of calm settles over my body as he familiar sent and touch centers me and makes me feel safe.
“Is there a problem officer? He asked now removing his arm from my body to cross his arms and stand in front of me as if he was my bodyguard.
“Wow you’re Captain America” the officer said in shock as Chris and I rolled our eyes.
“Yea I know but I asked you is there a problem officer” Chris asked slowly getting closer to the younger now shitting his pants scared officer.
I love that he is trying to defend me but we don’t want to make matters worse so I grab his arm to pull him back a bit. Which didn’t work because all he did was softly move my hand a say “let me handle it love”.
I rolled my eyes and watched the shit show unravel. The officer stuttered and Chris cut him off.
“Look I know you are here to do your job but you are on my property and harassing my wife so I would like to know what the problem is what has she done?”
He didn’t look upset and Chris said it respectfully but it was just a feeling that Chris did not want to be fucked with at this moment.
There was another beat of awkward silence the officer was too scared to speak. Chris rubbed his beard and chuckled “can anyone answer my goddamn question as to my wife is in front of our home being harassed” it was like his voice dropped an octave and my panties got wet.
I’m literally trying to tell my brain to stop thinking about using my husband as my personal jungle gym, that this wasn’t the time for that, but I digress so to distract myself for a second I looked at my watch again stating it was only 9:20pm.
Damn I’m not sure if time was moving too slow or too fast but by the time I focused back on Chris and the officers they were being cussed the fuck out.
“What the fuck do you mean you have to take her because she fits the profile of a suspect, do you have a warrant, what the fuck did she even do officer!”
“Mr. Evans we understand that you are upset but we need you to calm down” the younger officer said to a red faced Chris.
“Don’t you tell me to fucking calm down when you are also trying telling me, you want to arrest my wife for some crime she didn’t commit because she’s black” Chris was now fuming.
“Sir this isn’t about race, there has been a string of burglaries in the neighborhood and she fits the description of the suspect we are looking for, we just want to take her in and ask a few questions” the older officer answered.
From where I was standing I could see everything especially how the officer had one hand on his gun holster and the other with cuffs ready to be put around my wrist.
All three men proceed to argue, I had to step in this was getting out of hand and in a minute I would not be the only one in handcuffs.
Walking over to the group who were now in the middle of my driveway with my hands out then they all went quiet.
“Chris honey it’s okay, this is ridiculous I know but let me go with them, you call Austin, tell him what’s happening and then come to the station I will be fine” I said looking at his blue eyes with slight tears as his breathing quickened.
I was hoping to be okay at least for Chris’s sake so he won’t kill the two men in front of me. He read me my rights with Chris now desperately pleading with them to release me.
As the older guard roughly grabs me pulling me towards the cruiser Delilah runs out of the house with Dodger behind her with tears in her eyes.
“Dede get back inside” Chris says as he grabs a barking Dodger who was headed straight for me “daddy why are they taking mommy, what’s wrong she said everything was ok” then she wails out “please don’t take my mommy” over and over while she kicked and screamed when Chris picked her up and ushered the 3 of them back into the house.
A tear slips down my face as my head is lowered into the car and the door to our home closes. One officer looked remorseful and the other looked so satisfied as he looked back at me through the rear view.
He threw on his sirens like he caught some mass murder that he’d been hunting for years.
Then he laughed a menacing laugh taunting me.
“You thought just because you are fucking some white man with money you would get off? Well I’m sorry to break it to you sweetheart but that not how the world works for people like you.” He said to me as I cried harder.
“That’s enough Whitmer I think she get it” the younger officer said.
The rest of the ride the only sound was the radio. I was booked and brought into a cell by myself cold and alone but thanking god that at least I was alive and not hurt.
All I could think about was the smile on my little Delilah’s face and how today was just supposed to be just another Normal day.
I guess those are slim when you’re Black in White America.
#chris evans x black ofc#chris evans x black reader#chris evans x reader#chris evans x poc!reader#chris evans fanfiction#black reader#poc reader
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Eden’s Gate: Aftermath Chapter 6 - The Man Who Sold The World
Warnings: Swearing, slight violence, some Kate and Wheaty cutensss, usage of drugs (Bliss)
Word count: 4.3k
Summary: In the penultimate chapter, Paige, Kate and Mandy finally meet face to face with Joseph Seed, but there will be bloodshed, and maybe a few sacrifices the family will have to make.
Guest OCs: Just the usuals.
Guest Characters: Archangel Raphael [Supernatural: mentioned], God/Chuck [mentioned], An Archangel? [read until the end]
Note: One more chapter!!! Then New Dawn begins.
*****
Another few weeks have passed, October is here and that means Fall in Montana is beautiful. The fallen leaves, the crispy cool breezes, orange, red and yellow leaves. Fall colors.
Pumpkins, hot chocolate, sweater season, blood shed, violence, and crazy fucking Cultists.
The Winchester-Smith compound has never looked more alive. The trees on the property with their orange, and yellow leaves.
The threatening words of graffiti on the gates of the compound. Sinner. The Father. The Power of Yes.
John Seed’s followers tried to retaliate, and avenged his death, but the Winchester family is always 10 steps ahead of them.
7:00 am. A letter arrived at their front door for the 3 females of the Winchester family that morning. From the man whom they’ve been looking for, The Father Joseph Seed himself.
Telling them to go to his church at 5:30 that evening. He didn’t say for what, or why, but they weren’t gonna let this opportunity slip.
“It’s clearly a trap” Kenny tells his wife.
“What if it isn’t?” she asks.
“Why would Joseph send you a letter telling you to go to his church?!?” Nate asks, as he pours coffee in a cup.
“I don’t know, but we’re going” Kate says.
“You two are pregnant!!” Kenny exclaims, “You aren’t going”.
“Okay! Then who else is gonna take our place?” Paige asks.
“I’ll take your place, Mandy and one of the guys can go” he replies.
“Joseph asked us, and us only to go. We aren’t risking you two going, and probably getting killed” Kate tells him.
“What if he kills you guys?!” Mark asks.
“Remember the letter he left us? When we killed his brothers? He said that we were forgiven for all the shit we’ve done” Paige informs them.
“He could be lying!” Mark adds in.
“Joseph is telling the truth” Mandy steps in.
They all turn around to face her, “How do you know?!?” Kenny asks.
“I spent 6 months with him. I can tell if he’s lying or not. Writing or speaking I can tell” she says.
Paige looks down at the letter, “So what do we do?!?”.
Mandy takes a deep breath, “When 5:30 comes we leave for church. Whatever happens, happens. This is where it all ends”.
They all stare at her in anticipation.
“I just got the chills when you said that” Mark mutters.
“Yeah for real” Adrian says, looking at her like she just gave him life changing news.
****
A few hours later.
10:00 am, everyone had just eaten breakfast, Paige is feeding Cristina 2nd her morning bottle.
Kate just threw up, morning sickness and she hates it.
She called Wheaty, and they’re gonna hang that afternoon. Not telling him about the letter from Joseph to meet at his church.
Kenny, Mark, Nate, Cody, Marty, Adrian and a few others finished putting up one of the 2 houses. Rachel is having a panic attack, knowing that Joseph knows she’s living with the Winchesters. Mandy sitting in her room, blinded by her thoughts. Wondering why Joseph wants the 3 of them to go to his church.
What could he possibly want?. What is the meaning, or purpose of this?. Is he gonna kill them? Does he want to make peace with them?. Is he gonna surrender himself? What is he gonna do?.
Paige is sitting on the front porch swing, holding Cristina while “Fade to Black” by Metallica plays on her bluetooth speaker. Humming along with the song, with Cristina falling asleep in her arms.
****
2 hours have gone by, 12:00pm.
“Things not what they used to be. Missing one inside of me. Deathly loss l, this can't be real. I cannot stand this hell I feel. Emptiness is filling me. To the point of agony. Growing darkness taking dawn. I was me, but now he's gone.”
Kenny steps outside, and sees this. A huge smile grows on his face. He takes a seat next to Paige on the swing, putting his arm around her. She leans closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He places a kiss on her head, rests his cheek on her head.
Lightly swing back and forth on the swing. Little moments like this they love. They don’t need to go out to fancy restaurants every weekend, or a weekend get away for the both of them.
Cristina falls asleep in her mothers arms, letting out soft nasal snores, making Kenny snickers at this.
“You know I still don’t like the plan” he tells her.
“I know you don’t” she responds. They sit in silence for a moment.
“If you could guess what Joseph wants. What would you guess?” he asks.
She sighs, “I don’t know. Maybe make peace with us, or make some sort of treaty between everyone in Hope County”.
“Your mom seems to know a lot about Joseph. Like how he thinks, or what possibly goes through his head.” he tells her.
“Yeah, my mom is really good at reading people, even if she’s not trying to. It’s like a power she has. Growing up I couldn’t even lie to her, and I’m really good at lying, but she knew. She always knew. Kate takes a lot after her, they both try to see the good in people even if they don’t deserve it. I take after my dad, he didn’t trust anyone outside the family. Like if he was still alive, and all this shit that happened, like Rachel turning on the Project, he wouldn't trust her either. Even if she had a change of heart, he wouldn’t trust her at all”.
Kenny zones out as she’s talking, still being able to hear every word she says. He places his hand on her 9 in half weeks pregnant belly.
“You think your dad would’ve liked me?” he asks, looking up at the sky.
Paige looks up at him, looking into his blue orbs and smiles “If he knew I trusted you, then he would’ve trusted you as well”.
He looks down at her, and kisses her forehead.
Paige sighs, “My mom-” she says before getting cut off by a soft “mom” from the infant in her arms.
Her and Kenny look at each other wide eyed, then down at Cristina who is half asleep.
She picks her up, having her stand on her lap.
“Say that again” she tells the 11 month old in her hands, “Say mom”.
“Say mama” she tells her again, “Say mama”.
“Say dadda” he jumps in.
Paige glares at him, “This is my moment”.
“Say mama” she tells her again slowly.
“Mama” Cristina mutters her first word, very softly that it sounds like a mumble.
Paige gasps loudly, her eyes widened “She just- she. She said mama. She said her first word!!!”. She gets up from the swing, and goes inside the house.
“Mom!!!” she calls out as she goes inside.
*****
Kate went on her date with Wheaty. She wanted to go hunting, but since she’s 7 in half weeks pregnant, they changed their date plans. They decided to go to the camping spot where they first met a few years back.
“It looks the same” she jokes.
“Camping spots usually never change” he replies. They sit near the water, on some boulders.
“So how’s the pregnancy?” he asks.
She looks down at her belly, chuckling “I threw up this morning. I’m peeing a lot but my mom and sister said that's normal, other than that it’s going pretty good”.
“Thought of any names?” he asks, putting his arm around her.
She thinks about it for a brief moment, “If it’s a boy his name would be either Gabriel Joel Eddard, or Samuel Dean Rhaegar. For a girl Daenerys Arya Brienne, or Lyanna Pamela Cersei”.
“What is up with you and these Game of Thrones names?!” he laughs, kissing the side of her head.
“They’re nice names!. It’ll give them character, plus Pamela isn’t a name from Game of Thrones, and neither is Samuel, Dean, Gabriel and Joel” she laughs.
“Don’t be surprised if little Daenerys asks for a dragon, or 3 for her birthday, or an Iron Throne” he jokes.
“And if she does I’ll be very happy about it, and I’ll get her a stuffed dragon. One of those giant plush ones that are like 5-6 feet tall”.
They talked, they laughed, they made out. They enjoyed their time together, holding her in his arms as they watched the lake. Watching the boats, and jet skies go by.
Even the subject of marriage and kids came up on their date. Even though they've started dating back in August but have known each other over 2 years.
She starts reminiscing back when they first met. She still remembers that night very clearly. She still has the photos.
"I still remember that day when we first met" she tells him.
A smile appears on his face, "Yeah me too".
"I never had a crush on anyone until I met you" he tells her. She looks up at him.
"Really?" she asks. He nods his head, she moves closer into his arms. Enjoying every single moment of it.
Kate knows this might be the last time her and Wheaty ever hang out again. Their last date together, and they don’t know it.
Resting her head against his shoulder as they sit by the lake. His arms wrapped around her.
"Also I wanted to give you this" he says, getting something out of his pants pocket. He pulls out a bracelet, similar to the ones he wears and puts it on her wrist. She smiles as he puts it on her, holding her hand in his. She looks up at him, and kisses him.
***
4:15 pm Kate is still on her date with Wheaty. Her sister and mother prepare themselves as they wait for her.
“Where is she?!” Paige asks, getting annoyed.
“We still have a whole hour” Mandy tells her, “She’ll be back. Soon hopefully”.
15 minutes later Kate pulls into the driveway.
She enters the house, “It’s about time you show up” Paige tells her.
“Well sorry!” she responds sarcastically, “I had a date with Wheaty, and I wanted to see him before we’re killed!”.
“We’re not gonna get killed” Mandy steps in, “Because we’re not going”.
They all look over at her in confusion. Mandy was having 2nd thoughts about confronting Joseph, and she made the decision not to go to the church.
“What do you mean we’re not going?!?” Paige questions her, “You literally said a few seconds ago that we’re going. Implied it”.
“We’re not going. We’re not gonna give Joseph what he wants” she tells them.
“Mom?!” Kate mutters in disbelief and confusion.
Paige scoffs, shaking her head “Mom, this is our only chance. To get rid of Joseph. Put an end to the Cult, and kill whoever is left”.
Everyone, Paige, Kate, Kenny, Adrian, Martin, Cody, Mark, Nate, Barbara, Rachel, and everyone else in the house look at Mandy. About 30, plus, eyes staring back at her.
“We’re not going” she tells them, “I don’t care what Joseph wants. We’re not going”.
Paige, scoffs at her mother, “Why?. Why the change of heart all of a sudden?!?”.
Mandy glares at her eldest child, and says “You wouldn’t understand”.
Kate stops her older sister from doing or saying anything else to their mom.
She still plans to go and confront Joseph. All the damage, pain. suffering and bloodshed he had caused. It’ll all end that evening, nothing will stop Paige from ending The Father.
5:20 rolls around, Kate and Mandy have no intentions of leaving for church.
The youngest Winchester thinks they should go.
“Mom?” she asks.
“We’re not going Katella” she says, not looking up at her youngest daughter.
Paige comes downstairs, and is immediately out the door, and goes to the Impala.
“Paige?!?” Kate exclaims, going after her. Too late she’s already driving like a maniac off of the property. Leaving behind a cloud of dirt.
“Son of bitch!!” she mutters, “She’s going after Joseph”.
They grab the keys to the Monte Carlo, and drive after Paige who is probably already at the church.
****
Church of Eden’s Gate
Paige enters the compound, breaking down the front gate with the car. She stops the car, exits it. Pistol ready in her holster. A few peggies on the property staring at her. She ignores them, she’s there for Joseph. She’ll handle the hillbillies later.
“Joseph!!!” she shouts his name, echoing in the sky “Joseph!!!”.
Approaching the church, the man himself Joseph Seed steps out. She stares at him intensely. He looks up at the sky, closes his eyes and says, “And the lamb broke the 5th seal, and I saw under the altar the souls of Martyrs. Slain because of the Word of God”.
Pointing to Paige, “You. You turned my sister. You poisoned her mind with your wretched words”.
She pulls her pistol out of its holster and aims at him, “I didn’t change her. She finally saw your monstrous ways. She changed on her own”.
“Lies” he hisses, “Your disgusting words against God, and his word”.
She turns off the safety on her pistol, “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right here. Right now”. Her voice filled with anger, and violent intentions.
He walks around her, she follows his movements. Gun still aimed at him.
“I told you. Your mother. I told you that we were living in a world on the brink. Where every slight. Every injustice. Where every choice reveals our sins”.
Paige narrows her eyes at him, her pistol still aimed at him, not lowering it once.
“And where have those sins led us?, Where have those sins led you?”.
The sound of tires screeching, breaks Paige’s concentration, she turns her head and sees her sister's car drive on the property.
Kate and Mandy get out. “Paige don’t!!!” Mandy exclaims, running towards her.
She turns back to Joseph, and aims her gun at him again.
“Paige what are you doing?!?!” Kate exclaims.
“What does it look like I’m doing??!” she replies sarcastically, “I’m ending it all”.
Joseph stares at Mandy, “Paige, you can’t do this” she pleads.
“Uhh, sure I can” she replies back. Rolling her eyes.
Mandy gets in between the gun and Joseph. “No, I mean you can’t kill him”.
Lowering her gun, glaring at her mother, “What are you talking about?!?”.
Before she could explain herself, Joseph speaks up.
“Mandeline”, his voice so calm that it sends shivers up her spine. Giving her goosebumps.
She closes her eyes, sadness and shame written all over her face. She turns to face him. Her eyes meeting his. He stares at her with so much intensity that you can almost feel the anger radiating off of him, and the fear radiating off of her.
“You betrayed me, my family, my flock, and God. You dare to show yourself to me” he tells her, slowly approaching her.
“Joseph, I’m sorry, but I had no choice. I couldn’t stand by and watch everything happen” she explains to him.
He points at her, “You turn my family into Martyrs. And I plan to do the same with yours”. He walks around them, and they see their friends Mary May, Nick Rye, Pastor Jerome, Grace Armstrong, Jess Black, Tracey Lader, Wheaty, and Tammy Barnes all under the influence of Bliss holding Kenny, Mark and Nate hostage.
“Wheaty!!!!” Kate cries out, seeing her boyfriend drugged up with Bliss.
“Kenny?!?” Paige says under her breath, “How the fuck did you get to them!?!?!”.
“Joseph let them go!!!!” Mandy yells.
He turns to her, and says, “Your friends, and family have been taken and torture, and it’s your fault. Countless people have been killed, and it is your fault. The world is on fire, and it’s your fault. Was it worth it?. Was it?”.
“You motherfucker” Paige mutters angrily, “Me killing you will fucking worth it, and I can promise you that”.
The followers on the property gather behind the 3 Winchesters, blocking them from escaping.
“Kenny what happened?!? Was it Rachel?!?” Paige asks.
“No!” he mutters.
“The others are fine. They got us, Rachel took off when they showed up” Nate wheezes.
“Paige?” Mandy mutters softly.
“Not now” she responds, “Joseph I swear you better-”
“Paige!” she yells, breaking her attention from him.
“Mom!. Now's not the time” she tells her.
“You can’t kill him” she tells her almost in a whisper.
She looks at her, eyes furrow, “Yeah I can, he has our friends and family hostage!!”.
Mandy looks back at Joseph then back at Paige, “No I mean you can’t kill him”.
“What do you mean I can’t-” She stands in front of her once again, blocking the bullet from hitting Joseph.
“Raphael” she mutters, interrupting her.
“Raphael?!?” Kate whispers, “The Archangel?!?”.
She nods her head, “Yes, I was told by Archangel Raphael that Joseph had to be protected, and I was the one to do it. That’s why you can’t kill him.”
Kate and Paige look at their mother in disbelief, and confusion.
“Because Chuck spoke to him” she whispers to them, “About the end. You can’t kill him because if you do everything, everyone will die. Cease to exist. The end of life as we know it”. They both glare at her with mixed emotions.
“You knew this whole time?!?” Paige yells, “This whole time!!. If Joseph gets killed, hurt and harmed in any way. Chuck will drop a bomb on all of humanity?!?”.
“Why didn’t you tell us?!?!” Kate asks, betrayal in her voice.
“I couldn’t say anything. Raphael forbidden me from saying anything to anyone!!” she says.
Paige lowers her pistol, putting it back in her holster.
Shaking her head, “I can’t believe you. He could be playing him for all we know” she tells her.
“Let them go” she orders Joseph, pointing to Kenny, Mark and Nate.
Joseph stares at her, “Are you deaf?!? I said let them go!!!” she orders him again.
Mandy holds her back, “Let me handle this”.
She turns to face Joseph, and pleads with him “Joseph please, let them go. We don’t want anymore bloodshed. Please let them go, and we’ll leave”.
“Wheaty too!” Kate shouts.
“You betrayed me. Betrayed God. I forgive you for what you’ve done to my family, but that I can’t forgive” he tells her, stepping close to her, “Your family will pay for what you have done”.
The few followers grab Paige and Kate shoving them onto the ground, taking their guns and other weapons away.
“Don’t fucking touch me!!” Paige yells, struggling.
“Get off me!!” Kate shouts, fighting to be let go.
“Joseph, it’s not their fault!!. It’s mine. Let them go, and you can deal with me” she pleads with him again.
He grabs her shoulders, “This is where it ends” he whispers to her. Tears stream down her face.
“You peggie fuckers!!. Pieces of fucking shit!!” Paige mutters as a peggie pushes her face first into the ground.
“Get the fuck off of her!!” Kenny yells at him.
Tears streaming down Mandy’s cheeks, if only she was honest with her family. If only she had told them the truth. All of this wouldn't have happened. Her family was gonna be killed because of her. Her own greed.
“When are you gonna realize that every problem cannot be solved with a bullet?” he asks her.
“It doesn’t have to end this way” she pleads with him.
Two of his followers, grab her. Preventing her from stopping whatevers gonna happen.
One of his Chosen has a sharp knife in hand. Almost like a miniature machete, holding it in front of her eldest child.
“Really Joseph? You’re gonna kill two pregnant women!” Paige yells. Grabbing the Father’s attention.
He stops them, having Paige’s full attention. He looks at her with a questioning look on his face.
“Yeah” she says, a smug look on her face “I’m pregnant. So is my sister. She’s carrying your little brother's kid. John”.
He looks over at the youngest sister, and she nods her head. “It’s John’s kid, Joseph. You kill us, you kill your nephew/niece, but keep in mind we’ll never be family”.
He looks up at the sky, backing away from them. His back to all of them. “Let them go” he says. They free the family of hunters, showing them all mercy.
“Wheaty?!” Kate cries, trying to snap him out of it, “Wheaty please. It’s me, Kate”.
She holds his face, cupping it, hoping to get him back into reality. All their friends drugged up, blind from reality. Paige grabs her arm, “Come on, we have to get out of here”.
She resists, shaking her head “No, Wheaty please snap out of it. We have a child on the way” she cries. The Bliss has taken over his state of mind that he can’t comprehend anything.
Mark and Nate practically dragged Kate back into the car. Her, her mother and sister in the Impala, Kenny, Nate and Mark in the Monte Carlo. They all drive back to the compound.
*****
Little did they know they’re not the only ones that have had an issue with Joseph, and the Cult. The new Deputy has had their fair share of issues with the Seed family, and their followers.
Liberating their outposts and destroying their properties. Making the Seed family look like a family of psychopaths they need to be locked up.
When Faith took off, she went to her gate and met with the Deputy. They put up a fight against her and they ended up killing her.
Faith. Rachel would’ve been the adopted sister to the two sisters. Rachel Winchester would’ve been her name.
****
They all arrive back at the compound. Kate in tears, Paige in shock.
The others come out, and see all their friends alive. Their children and wifes stand at the front porch.
“Holy shit!!” Cody says relieved, “You’re all alive!!”.
They all nod, “Yeah, yeah we are” Mandy mutters.
“Is Joseph alive?!?” Adrian asks. They all nod in disappointment, “Yeah, the fucker is still alive” Kate mutters angrily.
“Where’s Rachel?” Kate asks them. The others shrug, “We don’t know, she fled the property when the peggies arrived”.
“So now what?!” Mark asks, shrugging.
Paige shakes her head “I don’t know, we’re gonna have to-”.
As she’s speaking, it’s almost like God himself was making a huge entrance. Lighting up the entire sky.
A bright white light blinds them all, covering their faces from the burning brightness.
When the bright light clears, a giant mushroom-like cloud in the distance fills the sky.
“Oh my god!!” Nate mutters in horror, “Oh my god!!”.
A huge storm flies at them, causing the entire ground to shake violently. Making them stumble, and fall. The trees, and land go up in flames within seconds. Animals running to seek shelter. The whole sky orange, everything is a fiery orange red.
“Shit! he was right!” Martin screams in horror, “He was right!”.
“Damn it Chuck!” Paige mumbles angrily with a hint of fear in her voice.
Realization hitting hard, “Wheaty?, I have to get Wheaty!!” Kate yells.
She gets stopped by her mother and brother in law, “Kate no!!”.
“I have to go back for him!!” she cries, trying to get to her car.
Paige tries to hold her back, “It’s too late for him!!. You’ll die if you go back!. Kenny! Adrian! Get the cars underground. Everyone else get the children, pets and go down to the bunker”. They get the cars underground to the bunker garage. They get all their kids, pets, and all go down to the bunker.
Everyone settles underground. Fear, anger. So much emotion in one room. The distance rumbles of explosions going off, making it sound like the king of all thunderstorms is happening right above their heads. Paige looks around the main room of the bunker to see if everyone made it down. She counts everyone that was on the property.
Herself, her daughter, Kate, Kenneth, her mother, Barbara, Mark, his wife and 2 kids, Nate, his wife and 3 kids. Cody and his wife, Martin and his fiancee, Adrian and his wife.
“He was right” Kate mutters, playing with her bracelet, “Joseph Seed was right, and we didn’t see it coming. God, the Collapse, this sort of thing is right up our alley, and we didn’t believe him!!”.
Paige sighs in disappointment, “It’s not that we didn’t believe him. He didn't believe us, which is not surprising. It’s that he claimed that he spoke with Chuck, and for all we know. He couldn’t been played by him”.
Kate is about to say something when a fluttering sound, and a loud thud a few rooms away throws her off.
“Did you hear that?!?” she asks the others. The others stay back while her and Paige go to investigate it. Kate then sees a single golden, brown feather on the floor.
“Hey, look a feather” she says, pointing at it. Paige, who doesn’t see it, looks at her in confusion.
“Where?!?” she asks, looking around for it. They get to the source of the sound, and see a man with his back to them, kneeling on the floor.
Paige pulls out her pistol, and aims at the intruder.
They both see the same man, but Kate sees a little more. Tattered up golden, brown angelic wings. They approach the man, and stand in front of him. He lifts his head to look up at them, and they see the wounded, beaten up Archangel.
“Gabriel?!?” Kate mutters.
____
When the bombs fell
Not long after (The Angels fell)
#far cry 5#paige winchester#mandy winchester#kate winchester#kenneth smith#joseph seed#eden's gate series#eden's gate: aftermath#faith seed#fc5#the seed family#the deputy#hope county#project at eden's gate#spn references#far cry 5 x supernatural#mary may fairgrave#nick rye#fc5 wheaty#kate winchester x wheaty#john seed#jacob seed#holland valley#henbane river#whitetail mountains#the collapse#fc5 the collapse#my ocs#my writings#my series
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Nightmare Time Episode 3 Thoughts
I usually save this for the end of my thoughts but I have to say this now. OMG MATT DAHAN!!! I WILL NEVER NOT BE IMPRESSED BY HIM! Usually with the episodes I catch 1 or 2 motifs but I swear I caught everyone this time. And they all fit so well. My attention was evenly split between the music and the story this time. It was so freaking good. Matt deserves all the awards like omg.
I think this is the least laggy the theme has been. Good job going all out for the last one!
I said to my mom "Did Shashona record this video?" and she did!! Great cinematography Shashona!!
I also pointed out the Tim's daddy mask. I said "Aww he's wearing a mask for his son!". I guess my mom got confused and forgot Tim's name because she thought I was talking about Dylan's (nonexistent) son.
THE DRILL PRESSES!!
LEX AND ETHAN
I kind of already knew this but I love that Ethan knows cars. I just likes that he has a hobby.
Lex cares about Tom so much I love it.
WHY DID JANE TRY TO KILL ETHAN?!?!?!? TOM DOESN'T WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO HIM!!!! DID SHE HAVE SOME PERSONAL REASONS LIKE WHY!?!??!
That Lexthan interaction was so cute. I love how he saw she was super sorry and scared and he just stopped being mad and comforted her. They are so cute I can't handle it!!
KENDALL!!! Ok so through out this whole thing I know everyone was excited for their favorite character to come back but I really just wanted to see Kendall again. I guess after BF I assumed we would never see her again because I couldn't see them working with children becoming a normal thing. But when the original cast announcement came out I got so happy to see her name. So I was super excited to see her.
Her covering her hair with a beanie looks better than the wig
UNCLE PAUL I'M SOFT I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!!!!!
Cineplex Teen is like Larry from tawog. I guess we should start calling him Obnoxious Teen then. Until we get a name.
I love that Tim immediately likes Becky. Wish I could say the same for my stepparents.
Santa Claus Is Going To High School bb. Also I want to hear the rest of that song. Also also how many wigs does Lauren own?
TONY GREEN
Why must they make love to this movie everytime? Can't we simply just watch it and make fun of like normal people? That way Tim can enjoy it too.
Good for Jane for making sure her son doesn't have to eat disgusting school lunch. She gets good mom points.
Aww Becky reassuring him he's not a Dummy
Becky is like really horny this episode. Honestly Tom's into so go ahead girl
JAIME IS JANE
OK OK OK SO Jane said they were driving home from her parents house. Which means they were still alive when Jane died. That was only a year and a half ago so the Perkins parents might have died more recently than we thought. It's like Spring of 2019 right? So Jane died around Fall 2017. I don't remember if this was said in the show (it probably was and I'm saying nothing new) but I think Black Friday takes place about a year after her death. Tgwdlm took place October 2018. They have to have died only a few months before then. How long had Emma been in Hatchetfield before tgwdlm? Maybe there is a possibility we can see a flashback of an interaction with her parents depending on how long it's been. Also that means Emma lost her whole family in the span of a few months omg. And Tim lost his mom and his grandparents in that time. I want to see how they grieved with all of that. Also I know I'm crossing universes here but Emma also almost died the same day Jane did. Some strange force must really have it out for the Perkins family. Good on Emma for surviving like a champ.
Ok so I thought they went scouting for girls because Jane didn't want the man she loved to have to devote the rest of his life to a car. I thought she was trying to help him move on. She was getting good lover points but those have since been redacted.
Jane is definitely bi and I love that for her. I don't care if she tried to kill her new crush. It was new enough for it to mean nothing.
GREENPEACE GIRL
Tom does look like a creep ngl
Jane reminds us she's a car a lot. Like girl we get it.
No. No. No. NO NO NO NO NO NO NOPE! We're not talking about it. I don't want to. I stared at James the whole and honestly same dude. I saw Nick in my peripheral vision and loved/hated that he was laughing. RIP to me watching this with my mom. RIP to Kendall. Actually rip to everyone who had to sit through that. RIP to Jaime and Dylan for having to perform that. RIP to the cursed rehearsals. Matt and Nick seriously took the time to sit down and write that. What the heck you two?!? This made me more uncomfy than the entirety of mamd and Ted's character combined. I wish I was exaggerating. Maybe this was just me but it felt longer than it needed to. The relief and worry I felt when Tim walked in is a feeling I can not explain. Glad he was clueless.
Tim sweetie I love you but SHUT UP
Jane is crazy and Jaime is doing such an amazing job at portraying that.
Yes Tom. Because grave digging is way crazier than possessed cars.
I asked my mom why the didn't just go grave digging for Jane's body but my mom said the body is probably all rotted and gross so that explains that.
Why didn't Becky just go inside? If she went far enough I doubt Jane would have been able to hit her even if she managed to break into the house. Also let's assume Becky's house had an upstairs. There, perfect safety.
Did Becky seriously die in the same woods as Stanley?
Ok so I thought the tree thing was a reference to little Irish girl Becky from the Black Friday sk10 stream. But now it seems like something more serious and bad happened so I'm curious.
DID JANE GET TOM ARRESTED?!?!? It seemed like she could drive herself at that point. Why not let him get out and get Becky yourself? Is this that self confidence thing Tom talked about?
Is she really about to have her son be obsessed with Ms. Becky for the rest of their lives or is she gonna tell him?
This next episode made me physically jump twice. I say literally a lot but I promise you I'm using it correctly when I say I literally jumped.
KENDALL'S SINGING
I saw the thing about the ukelele being a bday gift from the cast so this was super sweet
Ok personal time. My grandmother's name is Pamela and my mom decided to permanently cut ties with her a few months ago due to her abusive behavior. Me and my sibling are still allowed to talk to her whenever we please but we haven't seen her as much as we used to. I got kind of scared watching this with my mom because I was scared this would trigger something. She didn't say anything and I didn't want to bother her about if she was fine so I didn't say anything. Anyway this just kind of hit different for me.
JAIME'S RANGE OMG
"I want to be alone with my man." Ms what are you about to do to your Tv?
DON'T GIVE HER BEER
Duke seems chill. I like him.
LEX AND ETHAN GOT ARRESTED!?!?!? FOR SELLING HER PILLS!?!??! THAT SHE TOLD THEM TO SELL!?!?!? I HATE HER!!!
Does Ms. Foster have a type or is being male good enough?
Hannah's 14? I thought she was the same age as Tim. I could have sworn in the BF commentary track they said she was 9 or 10. Did my brain make that up?
How does Kim change her hair so quickly? She did this in episode 2 too? I could never. I am very impressed.
Curt and Kim talking over the phone while standing shoulder to shoulder was funnier than it should have been
Ms. Holloway is cool. YAY MOSTLY GOOD WITCHES
How does Ms. Holloway know? I need a backstory please!!
Ok so I saw Jon in his cape and thought he might be the with. But then I saw James in his cape I y'know stopped thinking that. Anyway I'm obsessed with Jon and James in capes. Kind of wish Corey had one too.
OH I JUST THOUGHT THIS AS I'M TYPING NOW ok so that tree she was talking to at the beginning was one of the tree people. I'm embarrassed it took me this long to realise it.
Hannah is way too calm about these talking trees and sometimes spider ladies. I respect that.
There was a lot of black and white theming in this episode. More than normal. It makes me more curious about what exactly Hannah's connection to it is.
Hannah almost died in her own mind. I was kinda hating Ms. Holloway in this moment because she forced Hannah to go into her mind. But I know she had to so I'm cool with her again.
THE STARLIGHT THEATER
Did she really say just don't be scared next time? Like miss some actual advice would help.
CAN MS. HOLLOWAY'S MIND LEAVE HANNAH ALONE?? Like I know you didn't get the reaction you wanted out of her but you're seriously gonna give up and go for a little girl instead. Pathetic.
"What's shakin', Banana?" That was the first time I jumped.
WIGGLY
What exactly is that 6-legged girl? I wish we had a visual. Also how couldn't Ms. Holloway help her? What was her issue? Npmd you got anything for me?
Wiley. Just seeing him come up. That was the second time I jumped.
Also everyone already said this but props to Joey for his commitment. Shaving in between episodes like omg sir you didn't have to go all out for this. But you did and I appreciate you for it. Also HE KEPT THE JACKET?? WHAT!??! Just fully committed to this character go off Joey!!
Usually I would laugh at stuff phasing through the green screen but this just made it creepier.
HOLLOWAY AND WILEY/WILBUR BACKSTORY PLEASE
But also I love how the script had him listed at Wilbur above his lines. I remember Nick called him Wilbur once in the commentary track (possibly by accident) but it's nice to have it in cannon. I don't remember I any of the characters called him Wilbur because I'm so used to seeing Wilbur and Wiley used interchangeably but this was just nice to have canonized.
DUKE PAY ATTENTION!! FREAKING USELESS RIGHT NOW!!!
Dang Wiley she was already being choked in the physical world you didn't have to choke her in her mind too calm down
YAY MORE DOLLS
NICK I WAS KIDDING ABOUT AN APOTHEOSIS DOLL
Is the mouth one (I see we've named him Nibbly. Good because his full name is too long to type out) gonna be the npmd villain? The pick color theme seems cool.
ANGELA'S TRANSITION THOUGH!!! Omg she switched roles seamlessly. And her voice too!! Go off Angela.
MARIAH IS WEBBY
This is random and unrelated but I never noticed how big Mariah's eyes were before.
So Webby and the Doll Gang are all siblings? I find it interesting that the were described to all where black. And Webby's color theme is white. Like how the good and bad ukeleles were white and black. This might sound really dumb see as we don't have a 100% accurate visual of the black and white but I wonder if Webby ever left would it be 100% black? Like if Wiggly went through the portal would it become a little less black? Does this make sense? Also I'm starting to see the black and white as less of a bad place. Its starting to see more ominously neutral.
Hannah's favorite show is He-Man no I do accept criticism.
Ms. Holloway is a nerd. She saw Hannah make the reference and was like "Huh. I f she likes He-Man maybe making this hat a reference will make her like me." She would only know if she watched the show. But then again she seems to be stuck in the 80s so maybe she just thinks that's what's popular with the kids.
MS. HOLLOWAY PLEASE GET LEX AND ETHAN BACK
AND ANOTHER GREAT SONG TO END IT OFF
This episode was......a lot. So much happened. Loved all of it. I am scared of Nick and Matt's minds but also incredibly grateful for them. As usual everyone's acting was top notch.
I love this episode.
Also I'm just gonna say it. Jon ruined Nick's season one reveal.
#starkid#nightmare time#nightmare time spoilers#jane's a car#the witch in the web#Hatchetfield#mel thinks thoughts#melchron the good book
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As Time Passes Prologue : My Brother, part 1
AO3 link ; Prologue 1 (The Estate)
A collection of scenes from Vinnie’s early life. From his younger years as a toddler to his last years as a teen. From a life of fear to a life of uncertainty. From an abused child relying on the only good people in his life to a young adult determined to make things right for them.
TRIGGER WARNING : child abuse, violence, depression, mentions of drug and alcohol, infidelity. Basically anything that goes with messed up abusive parents. And to that regard, this fic is NOT made to romanticize abuse or mental illness ! There’s also a moment in part 2 mentioning a dystopic future with the urbanization of the world and its consequences on every species (it’s only one part and you see it coming). This also means mentions of animal abuse and LITERAL animal genocide !!
.
Notes : Well, this took 8 months longer than expected…
Seriously. I started working on this chapter BEFORE “The Estate”, only deciding later to start with Cav’s backstory because it makes more sense given what I intend to write for chapters 3 and 4.
Though, that chapter is very, VERY long so that also explains the delay. And even despite the size, I feel like I tried to cram in too much elements and underdeveloped some stuff as a result. Like, that whole thing could be a fic in itself if I had enough ideas to fill the holes there and there.
On a lighter note, during that “hiatus”, I read the book “Wanderers” by Chuck Wending and one interlude gave me the idea of putting dates at the beginning of each new part of the story, which is going to come in VERY HANDY for the story (also the fact that the fic is called “As Time Passes” makes it even better).
As for the chapter itself, let’s just say that, after giving an idea of what Cavendish’s life used to be, now it’s time to show Dakota’s. Though, this chapter will be much longer and goes onto basically his entire life before B.O.T.T.. There are also a lot of dark stuff (as said in the trigger warning) because apparently my brain still hasn’t gotten past that teenager need to make anything as messed up as possible.
Regarding the sibling OCs, fun fact : the idea of Dakota having older siblings came partly from Tumblr and partly from my wish to have Dakota be an uncle due to how much the guy seems to love kids (but I don’t see him have his own, for reason that will be talked about in the main fic). Then, while listening to random songs and coming up with Dakavendish animations in my head (yeah I’m THAT kind of weirdo), I ended up listening to “A Guy Like You” from Disney Hunchback and suddenly Dakota had three siblings. Then all that needed to be done was give them a personality and choose which one would have a kid. And then make them all queer because I spend too much time on the internet.
Another thing about them, to make it easier at the beginning : there are four. And for the age-gap, as an example, the fic starts with the ages being 13 (Enzo “Enzie”), 9 (Bettina “Bettie”), 5 (Donatello “Donnie”) and 3 (Viviana “Vivie”/Vincenzo “Vinnie”).
(side-note about the writing at the beginning : using the wrong pronouns for a character is MUCH harder than I thought it would be)
Btw I don’t know how to draw so instead, if you want to see how the siblings look like, I made them in Miitopia (don’t ask). Here’s the link for it (just ignore my ramblings in this...).
Also, while the idea of him having siblings comes partly from my brain, the idea of Dakota being Italian is 100% from Tumblr and AO3 with like half the Dakavendish fandom who seems to follow this headcanon. Hell, I even have an irl friend who told me Dakota gives them a European vibe while I was telling them that one of the reasons people saw him as trans was his height.
(and I guess you could say the same thing about him having heterochromia and being colorblind ; all the credit for these two ideas goes to the fandom)
Btw, despite them being Italians, the dialogue is in english. In future chapters tho, depending on the character’s POV, some dialogue will either be in Italian or in English in italics.
And fun fact : while googling Italian names to help me name these characters, I discovered that there’s an Italian name that’s “Baldassare” and this is 100% how Dakota’s siblings and nephew/nieces would call Cavendish.
And one last “””fun””” fact : the character of Enzo is partly inspired by a guy I know who, by the age of 6, was the one to wake up, dress, feed, bring to school and overall raise his 4 younger siblings. And if you’re wondering, the guy is 23 now and is doing pretty fine (much, MUCH better than the shit I plan for my OC here). And no, the name of the OC isn’t inspired by this guy. I looked up random Italian names for each sibling + Vinnie’s dead name.
Anyways, onto the fic now. Enjoy !
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January 10, 2134
The morning started with their usual routine.
Vivie was sleeping soundly, her brother Donnie by her side, until their oldest brother Enzie came to wake them up. Vivie could hear her sister Bettie grumble, not helped by Enzie urging her to get up. He would always claim that, unlike the other two, she needed to be ready early. They didn’t go to school at the same hours. First it was Bettie, then Donnie, and finally Vivie was brought to the nursery.
Enzie also went to school. Bettie once said that Enzie always turned out late because his school started before them. But Enzie always insisted to take care of them first. The older brother didn’t like letting them alone with Mamma. And, truth be told, Vivie didn’t like it either.
Once Enzie reached their bed, Donnie pretended to still be sleeping and made snoring noises. Sometimes, Vivie would do the same. Today though, she just giggled, listening to her brothers argue.
She couldn’t open her eyes. The light hurt her. So she waited for her brothers to be done, for Enzie to focus his attention to her and give her her sunglasses.
Then, the four kids sat on the beds to have their breakfast, taking out the bags hiding under their beds. Years ago, way before Vivie was born, Enzie had decided that they should all hide their fruits and snacks in the bedroom instead of in the kitchen where Mamma could take them, and the others obeyed.
Enzie was always worried about food. Even though Mamma brought enough for them to eat everyday if they shared in small portions, Enzie insisted that it was never enough, that kids like them needed more than that. He always told them that, if they found something to eat, they should eat until they were full and share if some was left. As a result, Bettie and Donnie often brought food back from their lunch at school.
As for Enzie, how he always found something for the three of them was a mystery. Vivie had heard Bettie get angry at her brother more than once, accusing him of stealing food and talking about how he was going to end up in prison. But then Enzie would show what he got her, and she would stop yelling. But Vivie could see that she was still angry, and it made her sad too. Vivie heard that prison was bad, that the people who went left for a long time.
Vivie didn’t want Enzie to go to prison.
Who would take care of her, if Enzie was not here ?
…
…
Despite her young age, Vivie would sometimes feel bad for Enzie. He was very nice and always helped her when she was upset. But was anybody helping him ? Enzie slept on the scratchy couch in the living-room to let Bettie have her own bed. He refused to eat until his siblings ate enough. He helped Bettie with her homework before doing his. He never slept if one of them wasn’t, willing to tell as many songs and story as needed. He always went outside with them to watch over them. If one of them needed something from Mamma, he would talk to her for them.
Vivie couldn’t talk that well yet. While she knew a few words, she was said to be behind on language. But while she couldn’t communicate, she could observe.
When she was at the nursery, Vivie would see the other children, the other families. She was told about how a family worked.
The parents took care of the children. The parents fed the children, helped them with their homework, told them bedtime stories, watched over them, cared for them, have a bed for each one of them.
Mamma didn’t do any of this. She never did.
Mamma was just there, in the house, with them. Enzie told them not to talk to her. She could be dangerous when she was bothered.
And yet, she would go to them sometimes. She would go outside with them, just walking ahead as she brought Donnie and Vivie to the closest playground. She would mention them on the phone. Vivie even saw her go to Bettie’s school play once.
But the rest of the time, she would be lying down somewhere in “her side” of the house, glaring when any of her children would come close all the while holding one of those bottles Enzie completely forbid them to touch. Or she would be out of the house, especially at night, going to what Vivie supposed was her job.
So, since she was never there, Enzie took care of them.
It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t how the other children lived. Enzie was not an adult, at least Vivie didn’t think so. Bettie said he was as much of a child as she was.
But Vivie couldn’t do anything about it. As of right now, all she could do was finish her morning snack, brush her teeth, let Enzie dress her up and follow her older siblings as they packed for school, listening to the same instructions Enzie gave them each day : “Don’t go with any strangers.”, “Listen to your teachers.”, “Don’t get in trouble.”
Maybe it wasn’t normal, but it was all that Vivie knew. And at the very least, she supposed it was better than nothing.
---------------
October 30, 2134
Vivie didn’t understand how she ended up here, on the examination table of the nearest doctor. She had been in the bedroom, getting yelled at by Donnie for taking his clothes. She always liked his clothes more than her own. But when Enzie arrived to investigate the noise, a confusion happened.
Donnie complained that Vivie took his yellow shirt and his red pants. And while Vivie couldn’t lie about that, she insisted that everything she was wearing was of the same color and that Donnie was using two words that meant the same thing. While Donnie and Vivie went back and forth about colors, Enzie went to pick up a few clothes. He then quickly interrupted his younger siblings, sat Vivie down and asked her to tell him the color of each outfit.
The four years-old was confused but decided to comply. Describing blue shirts, purple costumes and pink underwear. But then, there was the color of the clothes she was wearing, a color Vivie had heard being called by three different names : yellow, red and green.
Each time the clothes would have this color, she would use one of those words randomly, getting several huffs from Donnie, making her feel like she was doing something wrong.
After a few more, the thirteen years-old asked Donnie to close the blinds and turn off every light, which the six years-old quickly did. Then, Enzie requested that his sister remove her sunglasses.
They tried his game again, leading to the same results. The girl started sniffing while twirling one temple of her sunglasses. Was there something wrong with her ? Were her eyes wrong again ? Enzie was quick to hold her and calm her down, singing her her favorite lullaby.
Next thing Vivie knew, she was walked to the hospital by her brother. There, a doctor tried to look at her eyes with a light, leading to a lot of struggling from the young child. He then followed with a guessing game with numbers hidden inside colored circles. It was only then that the doctor explained what was wrong with her.
He called it “color-blindness”. It meant that she didn’t see colors the same way other people did, the same way her siblings did. In his explanation, the doctor mentioned how it was incredibly rare for a girl to be colorblind without any sibling or parent being colorblind as well. Enzie replied that he never questioned his parents about it. And while Mamma seemed able to see colors just fine, the teen had no idea if Papà was the same as her.
But, in any case, there was a way to partially fix this.
The doctor excused himself for a minute, letting the anxious teen and the fidgety child alone. Enzie went to sit next to his sister, who was quick to jump on his lap. He ran a finger through the toddler’s curly hair and she pressed her head against his chest. She smiled, feeling peaceful and safe in his arms.
When the doctor came back, he was holding a small pair of glasses with orange lens, along with two identical balls. Enzie stood back up and the doctor gave the plastic balls to the toddler, telling her to raise her head so that he could put the new glasses.
Once Vivie opened her eyes with the new glasses in place, she found herself squeal in surprise.
The balls in her hands, they weren’t the same color at all ! And those colors…had she even seen them before ?!
While the doctor was talking to her brother, Vivie kept putting the glasses on and off, noticing the immediate difference in colors. How could this even be ?!
But before she could ask any question, Enzie gave her the other pair of sunglasses, took her in his arms, thanked the doctor and left the office.
Vivie seated herself in her brother’s arms, the movement from his walking slowly rocking her to sleep.
“Vivie ?”, the teen’s voice took away the fog in her mind.
“huh ?”
“Did you like seeing those colors with the new glasses ?”
“uh-huh.”, the toddler nodded.
“Do you want to have glasses like that all the time.”
“Yes !”, she replied, her head snapping away from Enzie’s shoulder.
“Then this Saturday we’ll got get you a pair. Okay ?”
“Okay !”
“Good. Now let’s go back home before Donnie or Bettie get on mamma’s nerves.”
As the teenager walked at a fast pace, a new question arose in his sister’s mind.
“Enzie ?”
“Yes ?”
“Do you…you will fall down for my new glasses ?”, the toddler asked full of worry. Bettie had told her the story of how she got her sunglasses. Apparently, she had refused to open her eyes as a baby and, everytime Enzie asked mamma to go see a doctor, she refused. She “didn’t care enough”, Bettie said. So Enzie decided to give her a reason to go, and jumped from a window, forcing mamma to bring him to the hospital, where the then-child was able to convince the doctor to help Vivie.
“Will I…oh ! Oh no, don’t worry !”, the teenager’s laugh didn’t do anything to ease Vivie’s worry. She pouted.
“Do not get hurt !”, she insisted.
“I promise you Vivie, we’re just going to go to a store. I…”, he looked away. “I can get the money for it…I mean…I’m sure mamma wouldn’t mind losing a few euros…”
“Mamma will help ? With no you falling ?”
“She will.”, Enzie assured. “And I won’t fall. Don’t worry about it, piccolina. Everything’s going to be alright.”
---------------
July 4, 2136
Vivie was hiding in a closet. She had done it again. She had taken Donnie’s clothes.
It was something she did a lot, something she had done for a long time now.
It wasn’t that she found it fun to annoy Donnie ! She just didn’t like her clothes. Bettie had tried to get her “good-looking girl clothes” with the little money they had for it, but Vivie couldn’t care less. She only wore the same few outfits, the ones that Bettie never called “girly”. The only “girly” thing she continuously wore was a heart-shaped pink hairclip, but only because it made her sister very happy.
She didn’t want “pretty girl clothes”, she liked Donnie’s clothes more, even if they were too big for her. She actually liked the size of these clothes, as she could flap her hands with the too-long sleeves of his winter shirts.
Sometimes, when Vivie wore his clothes, Donnie would just let it go and they’ll keep playing together. But other times, like today, Donnie got upset by it. And now, the seven years-old had gone to fetch their older brother.
So Vivie stayed hidden, not wanting to face Enzie’s anger. Las time she saw him, the fifteen years-old had been with Bettie, busy doing homework. And Enzie didn’t like being interrupted by their “small and stupid arguments”, as he once put it. Especially for homework. For the last year, he had been complaining more and more about how he never had the time to just sit down and work with three noisy kids running around and needing him left and right.
Still, it didn’t take long for the child to hear the sound of his footsteps getting louder and louder as he approached.
“Vivie !”, the older brother called.
“I’m not here !”, the five years-old replied. She heard her brother sigh.
“Vivie, come out there. We need to have a talk.”
“I don’t want to !”, another sigh.
“Vivie, I’m not mad at you. Just come out. I’m not going to yell.”
“...Promise ?”
“Promise.”
Tentatively, Vivie opened the closet’s door and caught sign of her brother. He was sitting on her and Donnie’s bed. As she opened the door a little more, he patted the space next to him.
She left the closet and went to sit on the bed. Enzie watched as the child scooted over towards him, looked at his face, scooted a little more, looked at him again and finally moved to sit on his knees.
“You want to talk ?”, Vivie asked.
The teen nodded.
“You’re not angry ?”
He shook his head. Vivie looked in front of her as she considered it. If Enzie wasn’t angry about the clothes, then why did he want to talk to her ? But her thoughts were interrupted by the fifteen years-old putting a hand in her hair, prompting his sister to snuggle against his chest.
“Polpetta ?”
“Yeah ?”
“Why do you keep stealing Donnie’s clothes ?”
“I don’t steal them.”, Vivie protested. “I wear them.”
“And why don’t you wear your clothes ? You don’t like them ?”, Enzie’s voice was calm and soft, though Vivie could still hear the sternness and tiredness his voice often carried.
The child shook her head as a reply.
“But you like Donnie’s clothes ?”
“Yes.”
“Why do you like them more than yours ?”
Vivie had to pause to think for a moment. With her worry from earlier and the drowsiness form feeling a hand play with her hair, she found it hard to think.
“Is it because of the colors ?”, Enzie continued. “Or the size ? Or is it because you have girl clothes ?”
“Yes ! That !”, she suddenly jerked.
“You don’t like girl clothes ?”
“Nuh-uh.”, she replied.
“Why not ?”
Vivie was back to thinking. Why didn’t she like girl clothes ? She knew she didn’t like it when Bettie called them girl clothes, but why ?
“Do you want me to tell you what I think ?”, Enzie asked with a smile. Vivie looked up at his face and the teen chuckled. “I think you don’t like girl clothes because you don’t like being a girl. Do you like being a girl ?”
Yet again, Vivie looked away with a frown as she tried to concentrate. Was it true ? Did she not like being a girl ?
Vivie didn’t like her girl clothes. She didn’t like people pointing at her and saying she was a girl. And everytime Bettie wanted to play with her, Vivie would refuse. She didn’t like playing dress-up with Bettie. She preferred to play marbles or yoyo with Donnie. Even at school, she tried and liked spending time with boys more than girls, even though the largest group of boys always rejected her.
But were all these feelings because she wasn’t a girl ?
“I dunno.”, she finally replied, looking at Enzie with a pleading look, as if her brother held all the answers.
“Let me put it that way.”, the teenager continued. “If you were a boy, would you be happy about it ? Just imagine yourself as a boy. With boy clothes. A boy’s voice. A boy’s name.”
Vivie did. She could picture herself among the other boys of kindergarten. She looked like them, talked like them, belonged with them. The thought made her smile. When she opened her eyes, she bounced, looking at her brother with a smile.
“I want to be a boy !”, she exclaimed.
“Are you sure ?”
Vivie nodded excitedly.
“Alright then.”, the teen shrugged. “Polpetta-to, since you’re so eager at the thought of being a boy, how about we got get the tablet downstair to find you an actual boy’s name ? And see if you like it ?”
Vivie jumped off of Enzie’s laps and ran downstairs, leaving the room before the teenager even had the time to stand up.
Half an hour later and the two siblings were still at the coffee table, Enzie reading through a list of names starting with the letter “v”. Vivie wanted a new name that sounded like her current one.
“Vittore ?”
“ummm. No.”
“What about Vladimir ?”
“…Maybe ?”
“We could call you Vladdie. Or Vaddie.”
“no.”
“Are you even sure you want a new name ? Maybe I was wrong earlier when I said you were a boy.”
“No ! You’re not wrong ! I’m a boy ! I want a boy’s name ! Just like you and Donnie !”
“Alright then.”, the teen sighed. He mumbled something.
“huh ?”
“Nevermind. How abou-“
“What are you two doing ?”, Vivie’s head perked up at the sound of Bettie’s voice. The eleven years-old was on top of the stairs, trying to look at the tablet over Enzie’s shoulder.
“Looking for a name for our little brother over here.”, the teen replied. “Where’s Donnie ?”
“In the bedroom.”, Bettie walked down the stairs. “You know Enzie, when I complained that Vivie acts like she wants to be a boy instead of being stuck as a girl, I was joking.”
“Maybe you were but he wasn’t. At least I think.”
he…their brother… Vivie liked being called that.
“Then…it looks like I don’t have a little sister after all.”, Bettie commented with a hint of sadness in her voice. This made Vivie frown. Sh-…He didn’t want to make his sister sad.
“Maybe not,”, the oldest brother defended. “but instead, you have a great little brother.”
“I guess…”, she went to stand near Vivie, her younger brother. “So,”, she continued. “you’re looking for a boy’s name ?”
“Uh-huh !”, the child replied.
“Found anything you like yet ?”
“We’re trying.”, Enzie replied, putting his head back onto the list.
With the teen’s attention away, Bettie turned back to Vivie.
“Say, once you’re done with that, how about we go return your clothes and buy you better ones ?”
“Yes !”, Vivie jumped in his seat. That’s when he remembered the hairclip he was still wearing. He took it off and presented it to Bettie. “For you.”, he explained. “I won’t wear it now. But you like it. So you should wear it.”
Bettie smiled. “Alright. Whatever you say, patatino.”, she looked at Enzie. “Found other names ?”
“You have Vivaldo, Vidone, Vezio, Vincenzo or Vincent in English,-”
“Vincenzo ?”, for some reason, the name stuck with him. Vincenzo…
“Do you like it ?”, Bettie asked. Vivie nodded. “You want to be called Vincenzo ?”
“I think so…yeah…yes ! I want to be Vincenzo !”
“Finally !”, Enzie sighed, dropping the tablet on the table. The two younger siblings just stared at him, until he glanced back and smirked. Bettie laughed.
“Let’s go return your old clothes, Vincenzo.”, the sister said, already on the move.
“Coming !”, the youngest sibling jumped to follow but was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. Enzie ruffled his hair with a smile.
“Hope you’re going to enjoy being a boy, Vinnie.”
When the evening came, there was one last thing to do.
Vincenzo…Vinnie was standing in the doorway, his fingers tapping the wall as he anxiously watched Enzie walking towards Mamma. The woman was in the kitchen, making herself one of those drink Enzie prevented them to touch.
“…Claudia ?”, the teen asked.
“You know better than to bother me, Enzo.”, Mamma replied in a sharp tone without looking up from her bottle. She took a sip while Enzie seemed to gather his courage.
“It’s about-“
“Enzo.”, Mamma warned. Vinnie didn’t miss how her hand moved to the top of the bottle and he shivered, grabbing the wall. He knew exactly what mamma could do when she was angry.
“Vinnie is a boy, not a girl !”, the fifteen years-old blurted out before taking a few steps back.
Mamma turned around and glared at her son, but she didn’t make a move to hit him. Still, this didn’t make Vinnie feel any less tense.
“Vivie…Viviana. His name is Vincenzo now. He’s a boy.”, Enzie continued with a firmer voice.
Mamma’s gaze seemed to lose some of its anger, though she still gave the teen a dirty look. After a few seconds, she glanced at the child at the door and Vinnie froze. She started to make her way towards him, almost instantly followed by Enzie who ran to his little brother, holding him protectively against his chest.
Mamma ignored him, her gaze on her youngest child. Vinnie looked down, gripping Enzie’s shirt in fear.
“Very well, Vincenzo. And please make your brother understand not to bother me when I’m busy or he’ll deeply regret this.”, and with that, she went to her bedroom, bottle in hand.
Once she was out of view, Enzie let out a deep sigh of relief and let go of his brother. Vinnie continued to cling on his shirt for a moment. He started crying and buried his head in Enzie’s chest, trying to cover his sobs. The older brother ran his fingers in Vinnie’s hair in a soothing motion.
“Shhh, let it all out. It’s okay to cry.”, Vinnie kept his head where it was, though his sobs became louder. “There you go. It’s alright. Everything’s alright.”, Enzie was right, and Vinnie knew it.
Vinnie had a new name. He had new clothes.
His siblings supported him.
Enzie told him that, if he did continue to feel like a boy, there could be a few changes for him to do once he’s older, at least if he wished to. Enzie promised he would do anything to make sure these changes happen.
But for now, they did everything that could be done.
They talked to mamma.
Mamma had accepted him.
…
He was going to be alright.
As long as he stayed away from mamma, as long as he kept listening to Enzie, everything was going to be fine.
---------------
March 22, 2137
Vinnie didn’t know what to make of Papà.
As far as the six years-old could remember, which wasn’t a lot, papà would show up from time to time starting in January. He would spend the afternoon talking to mamma, or going to her bedroom, and then he would leave.
Papà never stayed the entire night. He never showed up two days in a row.
And once spring was coming to an end, during the first days of July, he would leave and not come back for the rest of the year.
Vinnie was curious about the man. He was his papà after all ! But he never got to interact with him, never got to sit down and talk to him. He wanted to learn who he was, what he liked, why he was only here from time to time and why it was only during winter and spring…
Vinnie had tried asking his siblings about papà, but none of them gave him a satisfying answer.
Donnie was as lost as he was. He never had an opportunity to talk to papà, always afraid to run into mamma or to have Enzie yell at him for it.
Bettie looked at Vinnie with sad eyes, told him not to go see papà, that he was dangerous. When the brother asked why, the twelve years-old refused to answer.
As for Enzie…
Enzie didn’t like papà. He said papà was very dangerous, that he didn’t care about them, that the four kids shouldn’t waste their time with him.
Everytime the kids would stumble across him while walking through the house, papà would stop in his tracks to gaze at them with an indecipherable expression. Enzie would immediately shush his younger siblings away, all while glaring at the man. Sometimes, Vinnie would look at his papà and see him glare back at the teen.
While Vinnie didn’t know much about his papà, since he never got to interact with him, there was at least one thing he was sure of.
Enzie hated papà.
Papà hated Enzie.
And because of that, Enzie would never let his siblings approach him.
But one day, Vinnie got an occasion to talk to him.
Enzie was doing homework upstairs with Bettie. Now that the teenager was in high-school, and with the other siblings old enough to be unsupervised for a while, Enzie decided to spend more time working on his future. In the meantime, Bettie has chosen to step up and help him, looking after her younger siblings if needed.
But right now, neither of them was downstairs. Same thing for Donnie.
That was how Vinnie found himself peeking inside the living-room where his parents were. His papà was sitting on the couch with his arms and legs stretched out, while mamma seemed to be “making herself a drink” as Bettie called it. The child crouched down at the entrance and listened as his papà talked.
“-shouldn’t be there anyways.”
“You say the same thing every single year, Pietro. And yet, you always come crawling back to me. It’s been more than ten years. Just admit you can’t help it.”
“Just like you can’t help having your load of kids ? Do you have any idea how much they cost me ?!”
“You can stop sending me money any time you want.”, Vinnie could almost hear the laugh in her voice. “But I don’t think your little family will take it very well once I go to ask them for my money.”
Papà grumbled and looked away from her. “You’re the shittiest human being I ever met, Claudia. I hope you know that.”
“You’re no better yourself. Lying and cheating at any given chance. Honestly it’s a miracle she still doesn’t suspect a thing. You two really found each other. So naïve and in denial of the truth about the world. ~ ”
As mamma kept smirking and teasing papà, the man was getting more and more angry. Vinnie could see his hands gripping on the sofa, as if trying to rip it off. This made the child tense up at the prospect of his parents fighting.
“What now ?”, mamma suddenly spat in annoyance. The two adults glanced at Vinnie, and that’s when he realized that he had been anxiously tapping on the doorway’s wall, giving himself away with his noise.
“Umm…hi…”, Vinnie said in a quiet voice, waving awkwardly. Now that he had been caught spying, he might as well show himself more. Who knew, maybe this would be his only occasion ever to talk to papà !
Mamma just huffed and went back to pour her glass, while papà kept his eyes on the child.
“This is the youngest one, right ?”, papà asked. “Viviana ?”
“Vincenzo.”, mamma corrected before Vinnie could. “Turns out your daughter was a son this whole time.”
“And you changed her-his name, without my permission ?!”
“If you have a problem with that, you can talk to Enzo about it.”
Papà looked down, teeth gritted. “This child should learn a little respect.”, he spat.
“Have fun telling him that.”, mamma replied, completely impassive.
“Why don’t you at least try to teach that boy anything ?!”
“I don’t know. Why do you suddenly care about these children ?”, she shrugged. “Besides, Enzo’s almost an adult. He’s not my problem anymore.”
“You’re going to throw him out ?”
“He intends to throw himself out.”, mamma explained. “But maybe if you give us more financial support, he would have half a mind to stay.”, she joked. Papà was not amused at all.
The man punched the couch and fell silent, looking away from the mother and son. For a few moments, Vinnie just stood there, observing the man with hesitation. He knew he should be leaving, now. If Enzie saw him there, his older brother would kill him. But right now, as he felt so close to having a moment with the older man, his curiosity to meet his father was stronger than his fear of consequences.
Eventually, Vinnie saw papà’s fists unclench. This prompted the child to try and make a move. With hope to finally have a conversation with the man, Vinnie tentatively walked to the couch. When the man didn’t move, Vinnie put a hand on his knee.
Still no reaction.
Getting more and more hopeful, the six years-old hopped on his knees. Papà still didn’t move.
Well, it seemed like Vinnie had to start the conversation.
“I…um…”, Vinnie had his hands on his own knees, opening and closing his legs awkwardly as he thought of what to say. “I’m…I’m not Vivie anymore. I’m Vinnie now.”
No response.
After a few seconds, Vinnie started wondering if maybe his siblings were right. If maybe it would be better to just let it go and leave, especially seeing the dirty look mamma was giving him. But before the child could move, something he didn’t expect happened.
Papà put a hand on his back.
Vinnie froze and looked up. The man still wasn’t looking at him.
Without much thinking, Vinnie pressed his face against papà’s chest. Suddenly, the hand on his back start moving, reaching his shoulder and slowly rubbing it.
Vinnie looked up as papà looked down at his face. The child smiled but his gesture wasn’t reciprocated. The older man just seemed to study his face, keeping the same neutral expression.
Vinnie had no idea how much time wet by before papà decided to open his mouth.
“Why are you wearing those ?”, he asked, tapping the corner of Vinnie’s sunglasses.
Vinnie felt himself ready to jump in happiness. Papà was talking to him ! They were having an actual conversation ! He could learn more about him !
But instead, Vinnie did his best to stay calm, letting his only sign of excitement be the rapid movement of his legs. He really didn’t want to ruin the moment.
Besides, thinking of how papà had acted earlier made the child feel intimidated by the man.
“It’s..for my eyes.”, he explained. “The light is bad for my eyes. So I need to wear those. I also can’t see every color without them.”
“How did you get the money for that ?”, the man asked, glancing at mamma. “Why wasn’t I told about this ?”
“You would have known already if you spent more time here taking care of your children, since you suddenly seem to love them so much.”, she replied in a sharp tone. “Or would it be too suspicious for your dearest missus ? ~ ”
Papà didn’t replied, instead looking back at the child still in his lap. Vinnie didn’t really know what the adults were talking about, and he had a feeling it wasn’t something he was supposed to understand. If anybody were to take care of it, it would be Enzie.
Vinnie was still in his thoughts when papà lifted his head with a finger, taking a better look at his eyes. Remembering his experience at school, Vinnie instinctively grabbed the sides of his glasses in case papà tried to remove them.
“Your eyes…”, the man commented. “They’re different colors ?”
“Uh ? Oh ! Oh yes they are !”, Vinnie was quick to reply. He smiled again, seriously wondering why Enzie was so against them talking to papà. Sure, the man was a bit scary when talking with mamma, but at least he seemed to care about his son. More than mamma at least…Or, well, when he was around at least…
“Vincenzo ?”, papà was moving a hand in front of Vinnie’s face.
“Uh ? Oh ! right ! My eyes !”, Vinnie quickly pointed to his left eye, tapping the glass. “This one is blue. And this one-“, he pointed to his right eye. “is brown. Just like yours !”, he commented with a smile.
“…Sure.”
The man fell silent again and Vinnie looked down, trying to find another thing to say.
“…Sa-“
“VINNIE !”
Vinnie froze at the familiar and booming sound of his oldest brother’s voice.
Uh oh…
“Enz-“, papà tried.
“YOU GET AWAY FROM HIM !”
Enzie ran into the room, snatched the six years-old away and walked out, all while looking at the older man with a murderous stare. Vinnie was able to give one last glance at his parents before the door closed, seeing papà stare in confusion and anger at Enzie while mamma walked towards the man with the same impassive expression, as if she had expected something like that to happen.
With the door now closed, Enzie put his attention onto the scared child.
“WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING BEING WITH THEM ?!”
“I…I just wanted to talk to papà…”, Vinnie sheepishly replied, his head down.
“THAT MAN IS DANGEROUS, VINNIE !”
“But we were just talkin-“
“VINNIE !”
Vinnie fell quiet, finding himself unable to meet his brother’s gaze. He instead focused on the underside of the shirt he was gripping on.
After a few moments, Enzie managed to regain his composure. He sighed.
“Listen, Vinnie. I know you just want to talk to papà, but that man is a bad person. I’ve seen him hurt mamma before, he’s as dangerous as she is, if not more.”, Enzie lifted Vinnie’s head. “I just want you to be safe, polpetto, alright ?”, Vinnie nodded, still avoiding Enzie’s eyes. “Good.”, Enzie kissed his forehead. “Now let’s get back upstairs, alright ? I think I can already hear Donnie calling for you. ~ ”, the teen said in a way that Vinnie knew was an attempt to light up the mood.
“…Alright.”
Enzie held Vinnie’s hand as he led him to his bedroom. Vinnie just followed in silence, stuck into his own mind.
Enzie was a good person. He took care of Bettie, Donnie and him.
Enzie hated papà, and papà hated Enzie.
But did that really mean that papà was a bad person ?
Was there really no way he could prove that papà was better than Enzie thought ?
…
…Will Vinnie ever get the occasion to talk to him again ?
---------------
April 10, 2137
Enzie and Bettie talked a lot when they were doing homework. Sometimes, Vinnie would hide behind the office’s door to listen to them.
They talked about all kinds of topics. From school to the girls Bettie liked to even Donnie and Vinnie and how annoying the brothers could be at times, making the older duo feel exhausted.
But other times, they would talk about their parents, about how they felt about them.
It was obvious that Enzie hated those kinds of talks. But at the same time, he always seemed to use Bettie’s curiosity as an occasion to tell her to avoid being around them.
Bettie mostly asked questions about the relationship between her parents and why they acted the way they did. Enzie answered as best as he could, but even he barely knew about them.
However, among the flow of questions Vinnie heard Bettie ask, one in particular stood out to him.
Does mamma have other men in her life ? Does the four of us come from the same papà ?
When she asked this, Bettie was mostly talking about Donnie and how different the eight years-old looked compared to his siblings.
Curious, Vinnie started to pay attention to the facial features of his family and, soon enough, the six years-old understood what his sister meant :
Out of all of them, Donnie was the only one who didn’t look like papà at all.
Enzie was almost a perfect replica of papà. He had the man’s square chin and nose, his thick eyebrows that were more than often furrowed, along with papà’s curly hair that, in Enzie’s case, was slowly growing past his shoulders. Vinnie wondered how much the sixteen years-old hated looking so much like the man he despised more than anyone else. The only real difference between the men was color, with Enzie having mamma’s black hair and blue eyes where papà had brown eyes and light brown hair.
Vinnie was the second closest to papà. Just like Enzie, he had his old man’s chin, nose and curly hair, though his chin wasn’t as pronounced as his oldest brother. Vinnie even had a brown eye and brown hair, even if his hair was darker than papà’s. Aside from that, the child had one blue eye, like mamma’s, and his eyebrows were not as thick as papà’s or Enzie’s.
Bettie, on the other hand, was more of a mix of her parents. While she had a square chin, it was less pronounced, like for Vinnie. She also had mamma’s smaller nose and eyebrows. For the rest, it was all papà’s. She had his brown eyes and curly hair, which she almost always tied into a bun.
Finally, there was Donnie, who couldn’t be more alike to mamma. He had her rounder head, smaller nose, thin eyebrows and her long straight raven hair that he kept in a ponytail. The only thing that made him different from her, aside from height, voice and personality, was his brown eyes that deferred from her ocean blue ones. Though, as Bettie had pointed it out, a lot of people had brown eyes. From her point of view, any man with brown eyes could be Donnie’s father.
Vinnie never talked about it to Donnie. He didn’t feel the need to.
Even if he did wonder sometimes if they had the same father, it didn’t change the fact that Donnie was his big brother. That Donnie was his best friend and favorite playmate.
Papà or not, Vinnie loved Donnie as much as he loved Bettie and Enzie. If not more.
---------------
November 15, 2138
Today was the day.
It was Enzie’s 18th birthday. The day everything was going to get better. The day they were finally getting away from mamma and papà !
The oldest brother had been talking about it to his siblings for months. Now that he was an adult, he could “have custody of you three instead of losing you to the system”, as he said. Vinnie wasn’t sure if he fully understood what Enzie meant. At least there was one thing he was sure of.
Enzie was trying to protect them no matter the cost. He was willing to do anything for them.
That’s what led the four of them into a lawyer’s office.
Mamma was there with them. As far as Vinnie knew, she hadn’t shown any objections to her son’s decision and even wanted to help his case, claiming that the fastest the trial would go, the less money she would have to waste.
Mamma was sitting in one of the two chairs of the small office. Vinnie and Donnie were sharing the second one, the two oldest siblings standing between them and their mother. Vinnie was bouncing his legs, squirming a bit in his chair. Several times, Bettie gently nudged him, telling him to stand still, but he simply couldn’t do it.
He was bored.
Enzie and the lawyer were talking things Vinnie didn’t understand. And when he understood, his mind would quickly end up zoning out. He mostly thought about how papà was supposed to be here, wondering what was taking the man so long.
He wished he had his toys with him right now. Or anything else that could distract him.
It was during a short moment of focus that Vinnie heard the footsteps coming from the hall, getting louder and louder.
The door busted open, revealing a woman the eight years-old had never met before. She had long frizzy brown hair that was slowly falling back on her shoulders after her running. As she entered the room, she pushed her glasses back onto her nose and looked around until her emerald eyes landed on mamma. She glared at the black-haired lady.
“I had to see it with my own eyes to believe it !”, the new woman said.
“Missus Dakota, I presume ?”, mamma replied. She was sitting cross-legged, her arms folded and her eyes closed, seemingly completely unfazed by what was happening. This confused Vinnie. How could she be so calm when some stranger was yelling at her ?
The child, on the other hand, was glancing in fear at the new lady. When the door had opened, he instinctively took hold of Donnie’s shirt. The ten years-old had been quick to return the gesture. Meanwhile, Bettie had gotten closer to the chair while Enzie stood between the three of them and the door, arms stretched protectively.
“To think this all went under my nose for EIGHTEEN YEARS !”, the lady continued. Vinnie’s grip on his brother’s shirt tightened. The lady was taller than mamma, somehow making her even more intimidating in the moment.
Before mamma could reply, new footsteps could be heard outside. Despite the commotion in the room, all eyes turned towards the door. Two children peeked inside the room. They looked around the same ages as Donnie and Vinnie. But more importantly, their features looked awfully familiar to Vinnie.
Enzie was the first to react.
“Who the hell are you ?!”, he yelled, pointing at the two children. “Who are all of you and what are you doing here ?!”
Before the lady could answer, papà finally arrived, looking at her with an uncertain gaze.
“Serena, you shouldn-“, he tried gently.
“DON’T YOU TRY FINDING EXCUSES !”, the lady replied, her anger now directed towards papà. “HOW DARE YOU HIDE ME ALL THIS ?!”, she continued to yell, cutting papà everytime he was opening his mouth.
Vinnie started feeling tears form at the corner of his eyes. He was scared. Overwhelmed. He had no idea what was happening aside from “the adults are all fighting”. So naturally, the eight years-old turned his attention towards the one new adult that was always there when he was feeling upset. He moved to sit with his chest against the chair’s back, gripping it tightly. From here, he had a good view of his eldest brother.
Surely Enzie had the solution to all this. Surely he could make it all better.
At least, that was what Vinnie hoped.
The oldest brother was looking between the different adults in disbelief. Suddenly, he froze with a look of horror, as if he had just understood something really, really bad.
“YOU HAD A WIFE THIS WHOLE TIME ?!”
Somehow, Enzie’s booming voice managed to quiet the fighting. The lady -Serena- looked at him in confusion for a second, until her face bared the same shocked expression as the oldest brother.
“You didn’t know…?”, her whisper was barely audible. She glanced at the rest of the siblings. “None of you did…?”, while Vinnie believed she was still angry and could blow at any instant, he felt like there was a hint of sadness in her voice. Was she feeling pity for them ? Why for ? What did Enzie meant ? With everything happening, Vinnie found himself unable to follow.
“Bettina.”, mamma suddenly interrupted. Serena’s expression immediately darkened, as if she had just remembered the other woman was in the room. “Why don’t you take your younger siblings outside ? The adults are talking, and there’s already enough shouting as it stands.”
“I…um”, Bettie glanced at Enzie. The older brother put a hand on her shoulder and Vinnie could hear him whisper “go”. “Alright. Yeah.”, she turned to the boys still on the chair. “Come on, ometti. Let’s go to that playground we saw on the way in.”
Donnie and Vinnie shared a confused look before getting down the chair. The room was deadly silent as Bettie took their hands and led them out, under the adults’ gazes.
Right before the door closed behind them, Vinnie turned around one last time, seeing the adults ready to go at it again under the confused and concerned look of the lawyer.
He hoped Enzie would be alright…
--------------
December 3, 2138
The case had been taken into court. There had been a trial already, during which each sibling had been asked to testify about their living conditions. The younger trio spent their entire time talking about how their oldest brother had been taking care of them for as long as they could remember.
Vinnie didn’t know how to feel about all this. He had a hard time understanding everything. But most importantly, he was getting impatient.
It was obvious that mamma was bad at taking care of them. Why couldn’t the judge see it already ? They should already be on the road by now ! The eight years-old and his brother Donnie had already started to pack. Somehow, they hoped it could make things go faster.
The whole situation had also taken a toll on Vinnie’s grades. He already had trouble at school, between barely finding the motivation to do any homework unless someone was helping him and being seen by his teachers as agitated, more so than the other kids. And now that he had to worry about where he will end up soon, Vinnie simply couldn’t help zoning out in class to think about it.
And after the first trial, it only grew worse.
His teachers had gotten angry and started punishing him for it.
Vinnie couldn’t wait for Enzie to take them away.
…
…Enzie…
These last weeks, the older brother had been…distant. He spent all of his free-time in the office, working on his case. He only helped his siblings with basic things. Mostly food.
But more than that, the eighteen years-old had gotten more aggressive towards his parents since that day in the lawyer’s office. He couldn’t stand being downstairs if mamma was around. He was insulting them at any given chance, including during the trial they had had.
Enzie was also trying to get things to go as fast as possible. He absolutely wanted to leave before spring, before papà was around again.
Or so Vinnie thought he did.
According to Bettie, papà wasn’t going to ever come back home. At first, when the youngest brothers asked why, she refused to answer.
It had been like this ever since the day they met the lawyer. When they came back home that day, Enzie locked himself in a room, eventually letting Bettie in to tell her everything. The two then refused to explain the situation to their brothers.
That was, until one day.
Enzie had come back home, looking more stressed than usual. When Bettie went to ask if everything was alright, he snapped at her -something about their parents being the absolute worst-, and went to lock himself in the office. After that, Bettie had gone back to the bedroom, clearly upset by it all. And when Donnie and Vinnie asked her what Enzie meant, she told them the truth that forever changed Vinnie’s perception of his father :
Their parents never loved them. They never wanted them. At least, not the way they were meant to be wanted.
Their mother was a drug dealer, a criminal. There wasn’t a single penny she earned honestly. Her whole life revolved around getting money through schemes.
As it turned out, having children had been one of those schemes.
Mamma and papà met in an alley, in the middle of the night. Mamma had been out to sell illegal substances. Papà had gotten bored being home alone. His wife, Serena Dakota, had a job that led her to leave the country between January and July. They hadn’t been married for long when mamma and papà met. Bettie said it might have been a reason for his actions.
Papà “wanted a good time”, as Bettie said. He was out to meet a few women, doing things the older sister refused to explain to her brothers.
It was while looking for those women that papà ran into mamma. And when she heard what he wanted, she decided to use the situation to her advantage.
“She held him at gunpoint.”, Bettie explained to them. “The first night, Mamma had looked to steal his phone while he was sleeping and found the wedding ring he had been hiding in his jacket. She used that to blackmail him once Enzie was on the way.”
At first, papà had been happy to spend time with mamma. But then, his wife came home and they had to stop seeing each other. A month later, mamma called him out of nowhere.
She was pregnant.
According to Bettie, this had never been papà’s plan. Mamma had promised him that she was being careful. But, as per usual, mamma lied.
Knowing the child was his, she had been able to get money from him, threatening to reveal his secret to his wife. In exchange, papà only asked for two things : being the one to name them, and being able to visit them whenever.
The money had been the reason why mamma would sometimes go out with them or make sure they had good enough clothes or even prevent any of them from dying. She had to pretend like she liked her children. She needed people to believe they were one happy family, or else someone could call child services and “take away her safest source of income”. And while papà visiting them wasn’t part of her plan, it still at least helped her hiding the reality of her parenting.
Bettie believed that papà felt bad for them. The reason why he visited wasn’t because mamma forced him to be there. Sometimes, he just wanted to see his children, make sure they were still alive and well.
This was no excuse.
Even with Enzie’s warryness, he had had dozens of chances to talk to them, to be there for them.
At any moment, he could have said the truth to his wife. Instead, he lied to her. He kept her in the dark and made sure she still loved him. He had children with her, children he took care of. Children he loved.
Children he had chosen the name of years before they were born. Names he made sure none of his “other kids” had.
As he was hearing the truth, Vinnie felt like his parents had just thrown one of their bottles on his body, the glass piercing through his chest. For the following hour after Bettie finished explaining, Vinnie had felt empty. He ended up lying in Bettie’s arms, completely frozen, completely unfazed by the world around him.
Enzie was right.
Enzie had always been right.
Their parents were dangerous. Their parents never loved them. Their parents couldn’t care any less about them.
There was no point trying to get their attention, trying to get their affection. They were heartless. They never had the space in their hearts for him.
Vinnie was an unwanted child. They all were.
They were children born from an affair. Used by their monstrous mother to get money from their unconcerned father.
Enzie had been right all along.
…
…
From now on, Vinnie would listen to Enzie. He would listen to everything his older brother says.
Unlike his parents, Enzie loved him. Enzie wanted what was best for him.
Enzie was the only parent he needed.
---------------
March 22, 2139
“It had been clear for a long time now that Ms. Claudia Drowssap and Mr. Pietro Dakota are not fit to take care of their biological children. However, the question of whether or not Mr. Enzo Dakota could take care of said children had yet to be answered. Today, we have chosen an answer to this question.
While we still remain uncertain of his abilities to provide for them, this court had been told that Mr. Dakota found job opportunities along with possible apartments in Napoli. Furthermore, it is painfully obvious that Mr. Dakota is incredibly attached to his siblings and had been their only anchor for most of their life. For their own well-being as well as his, we believe that separating the four of them is out of the question.
Thus, this court is ready to give its judgment. The custody of the present Bettina, Donatello and Vincenzo Dakota will be granted to their brother Mr. Enzo Dakota. Their parents, Ms. Claudia Drowssap and Mr. Pietro Dakota, will have to repair their inaptitude by paying child support for the next five years. Furthermore, Ms. Drowssap and Mr. Dakota Sr are not to be allowed to visit their children. Finally, they will not be able to keep any other child they may have in the future.
If Mr. Dakota Jr decides to file a claim for child abuse, more consequences might come their way.
This court is adjourned.”
Vinnie couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
They did it.
They really did it !
The banging of the gavel resonated across the room, announcing the end of this session. The end of their last session. Vinnie jumped out of his seat, seeing from the corner of his eyes that he wasn’t the only one. As soon as the way was cleared enough, Bettie and Donnie ran towards Enzie. The youngest sibling immediately followed suit.
They jumped into his arms, all smiles and laughs. Even after they pulled away, the happy chatter remained. Bettie congratulated Enzie excitedly while Donnie was holding onto her, pushing her back and forth. Vinnie himself was jumping in place, his fists shaking left and right in excitement.
They were finally free ! They could finally get away from mamma and papà !
After a few more moments of celebration, Enzie led the group outside. They had to go home and pack up. The oldest brother told them they would leave as soon as possible.
“ENZO !”
The siblings had barely finished walking down the stairs when they saw papà walking towards them. The man was walking fast, teeth gritted and fists clenched, looking at his oldest son with a murderous glare.
Enzie stood in front of his younger siblings, shielding them with his arms. Afraid, Vinnie went to hug Donnie. When papà was only a few steps away, the eight years-old closed his eyes. He heard the footsteps stop, followed by ruffling and a short grunt. Vinnie felt Donnie tense.
“Are you happy with yourself ?! Are you proud of what you did ?!”
Vinnie dared opening his eyes and almost gasped. Papà had grabbed Enzie by the collar.
“Because of you, I lost my wife ! I lost my home ! I might even lose my job ! All because YOU decided to get involved in MY business !”
“All I did was trying to survive !”, Enzie replied, returning papà’s glare. “I’ll never apologize for that.”
“YOU RUINED MY LIFE !”
“YOU RUINED YOUR OWN LIFE !”, Enzie pushed papà away from him. The older man raised a fist but didn’t hit his son. Instead, he looked as the younger trio protectively put their hands on Enzie.
“Go.”, Bettie spoke up with a shaking voice. “Leave us alone.”
“…”, papà’s glare was now directed at the four of them. “You are all nothing but a bunch of ungrateful bastards.”, he growled.
“What should we be grateful for ?”, Vinnie surprised himself by deciding to speak. He knew he shouldn’t. Papà was dangerous, he could clearly see it right now. Enzie had been right about that, just like for anything else. And Enzie had told him never to talk to papà again.
And yet, the child couldn’t stop the words from flowing out of his mouth.
“Have you ever done anything to us ?! Have you ever cared for us ?! DO YOU EVEN LOVE US ?!”
Vinnie felt tears stream down his cheeks. He started sobbing.
“Vinnie…”, Donnie murmured. The ten years-old held his younger sibling. “shhh. It’s okay.”, he soothed. “It’s okay to cry.”, Donnie let a hand gently run into Vinnie’s hair, copying the way their oldest brother comforted them. The youngest sibling leaned into the embrace, crying into Donnie’s shirt. When he tried opening his eyes, he noticed that papà was looking away, seemingly more upset than angry after what his son said.
Enzie was the one to break the silence.
“You’re dead to us.”, he spat. “Don’t ever try to see us again, or they’ll be consequences. And if you don’t keep paying for support, I’ll sue for the child neglect.”, he threatened. “If you think your life is already ruined, you’re not ready for the hell I’m ready to put you through if you ever DARE try anything against us.”
The two men glared at each other for what felt like forever. Enzie’s last words kept replaying in Vinnie’s head. He wondered with dread how serious his older brother was, how far he was willing to go for them.
Finally, after a painfully long silence, papà started to back away. He walked a certain distance, glared at his chil- at them one last time, and turned away.
Enzie snorted. “Come on.”, he told his siblings. “Let’s go home. We have a lot to do if we want to leave.”
The oldest brother started to walk away, soon followed by his sister. Donnie and Vinnie looked at each other as they pulled away from their hug, before finally following the older duo.
As he followed the group, Vinnie couldn’t help but look around him, look back at the older man.
From afar, the eight years-old noticed mamma. She was looking at the man as well.
Despite everything that had happened, she was smiling.
-------------------------
Note : Regarding Vinnie being trans, I’m well-aware that someone doesn’t “become” a boy, they’ve always been one. But since Vinnie is 5 when he realizes that he’s a man, the characters simplify it to “becoming a boy” so that Vinnie can understand easily.
Italian translations :
Mamma : mom
Papà : dad
Piccolina : little one (female)
Polpetto : meatball (apparently it’s a nickname for young kids/siblings)
Patatino : little potato (for some reason I love this nickname)
Ometto : little man (ometti is plural)
Piccino : tiny one
#Milo Murphy's Law#Vinnie Dakota#trans Vinnie Dakota#heterochromia Vinnie Dakota#colorblind Vinnie Dakota#ADHD Dakota#As Time Passes#As Time Passes Prologue#my fanfics#tw#cw#tw abuse#tw child abuse#tw abusive parents#cw abuse#cw drug mention#tw drug mention#tw drugs#tw infidelity#cw infidelity#tw alcohol#cw alcohol#IT'S FINALLY HERE#FIRST PART OUT OF THREE#9K WORDS OUT OF 32K#funnily enough seeing the fic posted on AO3 is making me immediately want to work on part 2#despite the fact that 2 mins ago I felt 100% done with this prologue#anyways I hope it's good !#tomorrow I'll edit Prologue 1 a little
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This Is My Personal Testimony of How God Found Me When I Was Lost.
I Am A Witness and My Testimony is of Jesus Christ the living Word of God
What you FEEL and what you THINK are valid and extremely powerful as these are the things you BELIEVE to be TRUTH thus this is your REALITY!
This is your belief system. Unless you suffer from mental illness therapy and counseling can be very helpful. Just talking about it and getting it off your chest is therapeutic in itself. No matter if it is a friend or a therapists getting things out instead of bottling them up and holding them in is great relief.
I was diagnosed bipolar type I when I was 23 years old. I am 41 now and it has only been in the last 5 years that I have been able to overcome, heal, grow, and experience breakthrough.
Traumatic experiences such as verbal, mental, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse to losing a loved one or friend has a lifelong affect. Therapy and medicine are just tools to help you and give you the skills, knowledge, and some understanding, so you can cope and learn how to manage with the pain and symptoms that remain.
I don't know who needs to hear this but I am telling you from 18 years of personal experience. Actually, 41 years as its only been 18 since I began treatment. Where doctors and medicine failed me for 13 years God did not fail me. I got lab ratted on all that time with powerful psychiatric medications. I spiraled out of control and my behavior landed me in the psychiatric ward of prison in the infirmary. 10 weeks I was locked in solitary confinement on 24 hour lock. I was deemed incompetent and unfit to stand trial. I was looking at two F1 Felonies with sentences from 5-99 years each. For 10 weeks I literally lost my mind and was experiencing full blown psychosis. It was in an instant that God found me and restored me to sanity. I did not find God. He found me.
I was lost and could not tell the difference between my dreams and reality. I slept in 15 minute intervals. In one dream I dreamt that I murdered my two children. I bashed my daughters head into the wall. My reality was this place I was in where no other person is visible was like a purgatory and I was awaiting my judgment to be thrown into hell.
I was on my knees in my boxers bleeding from my head and knuckles. I was head butting and punching the walls. As I was on my knees I was singing, ''My Girl, My Girl, Talkin Bout, My Girl." I was only thinking of my daughter and that I was never going to see her again.
The guy in a cell next to me screamed, " Shut the fuck up!" I just screamed back and told him to come on over and shut me up. What was he going to do we are in solitary confinement. 😅
I lost track of time and I was still singing and I began to cry out to God. Literally bawling and begging I screamed for God to help me. Don't you know the guy who cursed me came to my door and asked me to call his momma for him to bail him out. I laughed and said ain't you the same mother fucker who told me to shut up? Before he answered I just said whatever! Just write the number on a piece of paper and slide it under my door and I will get to it.
Mind you that for those 10 weeks I could not even read or use the telephone because I just didn't know how. The hands on the clock just spun round and round. Still on my knees sobbing I noticed the piece of paper slide under my door. I forgot all about it and I couldn't read or use a phone anyway. But I looked closer and I seen the red writing. This guy tore the last page of his bible out to write the number on. The red writing just caught my eyes and the first thing I seen was this. Revelations 22:16 I Jesus, have sent My angel to you to testify in the churches. I am the Root and Offspring of David, the Bright and Morning Star. As fast as you could snap your fingers I realized that I could read first of all. I then noticed I felt completely normal. I was just wondering wtf am I doing in my boxers bleeding on this floor? 😅 I got up took a shower and cleaned up. The guard came by and stopped giving me a strange look and asked if I was ok. I just said Im fine Im waiting on lunch its almost noon. I could read the time cause the hands stopped spinning.
Finally I got to use the phone and I called home and asked how long I was there. I said 2 weeks? My mom said you been there almost 3 months. I did 6 months and got both charges dropped down to a misdemeanor and 4 years probation. 2 years was deferred. I literally signed out of jail on a PR Bond. No fines, fees, or court costs at all.
That was 5 years ago in October. I never could forget or deny what happened. I knew immediately what the verse meant and what I was told to do. So I have done it this entire time everyday almost on social media.
I had never read a bible before and I was far away from God. I was really on the fence about the whole Jesus thing. What I know now and I knew at that moment was this. Jesus is God! He is the Father, the Son of God, and the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of God and of Christ. There is only one. Omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and Sovereign Lord over all of creation.
I believe the words of the verse exactly for what they said. He sent an angel to me which is a ministering spirit and a messenger. I got the message loud and clear. So I do exactly as He has told me to.
It has been 5 years and I have not even had a cold. My doctor is weaning me off medications. It was by no means an easy 5 years at all. I suffered with overcoming addiction and the mental illness symptoms I was and still am learning to cope and manage.
There is one thing I learned in addition to all these things since then in talk therapy. I was raised by two narcissistic, one mentally ill, and completely abusive except sexually.
After all those years and all those medications and numerous doctors did not do for me what the Great Physician did in a moment of time.
Don't get me wrong. God has revealed to me that He has gifted these doctors, nurses, therapists, and the scientists or chemists that make these medications. Give or take these crooked sons of bitches.
Just know that God is Hope. Faith or Belief and any good thing at all about man is of God. He is Love. How is Jesus God? All things are possible with God. Just trust Him. Don't worry or be afraid. He has commanded us to be strong and courageous for He is with us wherever we go. He will never leave us or forsake us. He is faithful to keep His word. If He said it. He meant it. It is the Truth. Jesus said His words are Spirit and Truth. These words are Life and Jesus is the Way. The one and only true living God is the living Word of God. He was manifest in the flesh. The holy bible has been tampered with by man and today even more with hundreds of versions. However, man is foolish to think he could ever stop the Power of the Spirit and Truth that is the Word of God Jesus Christ.
Is the Father the Son or the Spirit? Is He 3 in one or one in 3? Don't split hairs with vain debates and argumentative subjects that no man can answer. There are simply things of God that man will never understand. Our finite minds cannot imagine, fathom, dream, or even comprehend the great things of God. He just said don't trip. I got this. Be still and know. Trust Me and Believe In Me. Have Faith! Never give up Hope. Without Hope this Life has no purpose and we have meaning at all. There is just certain death. Then we are worm food.
If it is all just a big story and we die only to find out that's it just black and nothing then fine with me. If we die and it is true and we chose not to simply believe and have the faith the size of a mustard seed. We'd be cursing ourselves not God from hell forever. We would know He was right and we have no defense or a word to say before the righteous Judge.
Life and death. Facts. Choose life or death. It is the most logical, reasonable, sane, and simple choice for anyone in their right mind. So anyone who says its blind faith and completely disregards facts, logic, or reason. You know just as God says. He has used the foolishness of this world for His wisdom. He makes those who are wise in their own eyes, puffed up with pride, and too stubborn or hard hearted to simply admit they do not know. Men fear what they do not know. Rightfully so. You should fear God. Both revere and be a very afraid of the One that can take your life and cast your soul into hell. He gives and takes away. Simple as that.
So remember no matter what the situation or circumstances shit is just temporary. All good things must come to an end. As do the bad. So suck it up, be strong and courageous. Has He not commanded us? He is with you wherever and nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.
To anyone suffering right now I am by no means minimizing your pain. I feel you 1000% You don't have to believe a word from me. Just know there is someone who is always with you and you are not helpless or alone. You may be weak and in complete darkness that seems like hell. God is light in the darkness. He has the keys to death and hell. So weather life or death, heaven or hell. You gotta trust and believe in Jesus. If not it is your own doing. Most of our problems are self inflicted we bring em on ourselves.
This may be the hardest part for me to tell someone in depression just dwelling and can't let go. Do you know what depression is. It is YOUR THOUGHTS and YOUR FEELINGS. It is therefore YOUR BELIEF and thus YOUR REALITY!
This is self-centeredness. Depression for a while that is justified is one thing. Wallowing in SELF-PITY with the attitude WOE IS ME. MY LIFE SUCKS and nobody understands or knows what I I I am going through. No one could possibly relate to YOUR SUPERIOR PROBLEMS! GET OUT OF YOURSELF for a while. Have an attitude of gratitude. You are alive and if you can feel emotions and you woke up today then you KNOW that you are alive. LIFE is a gift from of GOD. He so loved all of us that He GAVE HIS LIFE so that anyone who BELIEVES in HIM Should Not Perish...SHOULD NOT! But HAVE RIGHT NOW AS IN THIS PRESENT MOMENT. EVERLASTING LIFE. God gave us HOPE of ETERNAL LIFE the FREE GIFT of SALVATION is the LORD OUR GOD JESUS CHRIST the ONLY BEGOTTEN of the EVERLASTING FATHER the King of Israel is the Holy One (Christ) or Anointed (Messiah) our SAVIOR and REDEEMER. Not by might nor by power but by that Holy Spirit of PROMISE which is the PLEDGE of our inheritance.
The only reason one would die when God gave us His Life so that anyone whomsoever at all Believes. The Way is the Truth and He has become our Salvation. He is the very HOPE, FAITH, and LOVE that abides forever. LOVE being the greatest. No one SHOULD die. It is a choice!!! Just like you choose to wake up and be grateful saying Thank You God. Bless you Lord Jesus for the Spirit translated "Breath or Air" of Life and the LIGHT we all see and we have heard the word of God preached and proclaimed to us all. So no one has an excuse to even say I Dont Believe! That is our free will and choice. Another gift from God. He wants you to choose Jesus and dont worry but be happy. Rejoice!! Make some noise!! God is good all the time. All the time God is good. We all have a reason for the very BREATH of LIFE that was blown into Adam's nostrils and he became a living soul. Adam just means man. Human. In His image and likeness. Male and female created He them. If you believe in Jesus and the Good News aka Gospel of the Kingdom and Eternal Life you have every reason on every Day the Lord has made to be grateful and choose to be happy. The Eternal One is the Alpha and Omega. The Ancient of Days is the First and the Last. The Almighty. Beginning and End. Genesis to Revelation. Death and Life He gives and takes away.
I pray you don't waste another moment having a pity party if you don't have an actual reason to be stuck feeling sad for an excessive period of time. It is selfish. Ungrateful.
Your THOUGHTS and FEELINGS are powerful. They are YOURS though. You and you alone have a God given free gift of grace to Think for yourself and Regulate or Control Your Feelings and Emotions. It takes time and it's a process of growing up and becoming a man or woman. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, AND A SOUND MIND. SELF DISCIPLINE your MIND. We have the MIND of Christ. The Spirit of God and of Christ. The Kingdom of heaven is within. God the Father, the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit is all within. What does it say? The Word is near to you, in your heart, even in your mouth.
It is Finished!
Revelation 22:16 21st Century King James Version (KJ21)
16 “I, Jesus, have sent Mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the Bright and Morning Star.”
Isaiah 44:6-8 21st Century King James Version (KJ21)
6 “Thus saith the Lord, the King of Israel, and his Redeemer, the Lord of hosts: I am the First, and I am the Last, and besides Me there is no God.
7 And who, as I, shall call and shall declare it, and set it in order for Me, since I appointed the ancient people? And the things that are coming and shall come, let them show unto them.
8 Fear ye not, neither be afraid. Have not I told thee from that time and have declared it? Ye are even My witnesses. Is there a God besides Me? Yea, there is no God. I know not any.”
#you matter#purpose#self love#i understand#empathic#depressing shit#not alone#youarenotcrazy#thoughts#feelings#belief#truth quotes#reality#dontdoubtyourself#second guessing#trauma#toxic people#validation#healing#recovery#painful#damage#no pity#riseup#overcome#victory#conquer#not a victim#godgotyou#innerstrength
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2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020
1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it
I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.
2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o
the same !
3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k
One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me.
4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them
I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018
5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th
For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol.
6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition
That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol.
7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight
I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago.
8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol
Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit.
9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great
I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.
10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.
When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something
11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one
12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one
13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing
Just awkward and nothing to which I expected.
14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it
Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too
15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow
I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it.
16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness.
I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time
17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with
18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head
Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library.
19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now
When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.
20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol
One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish
21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.
Literally anyone on grindr.
22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck
Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so. IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot.
23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)
One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao
24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level
I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me.
25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds.
Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying.
26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV
I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.
27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>???
I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol
28:Talk about your fetishes. none
yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of.
29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward.
30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by
that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes
31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho
um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it.
32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot
My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :(
33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u
I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful.
34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life
I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.
35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away
I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes.
36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating
I would say idk eating was a stupid answer.
37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never
I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.
38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush
Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa
idk anything else
um Idk. i rly cant think
39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that
That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).
40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start
When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart.
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The Casagrandes Reviews: Croaked!
Halloween Havoc rolls on as we shine a light on the other beloved holiday on October 31st, Day of the Dead! Sid and Ronnie Anne’s well meaning plan to help Sid’s sister Adelaide move on from her frog’s death ends up convincincing the small child she has power over life and death. I’m sure all big sisters do that at some point. More about the whole being dead thing under the cut.
I’ve hyped this one up in both previous Casgrandes reviews, so as you can tell i’m excited for this one. As i’ve mentioned before but will repeat for anyone new here, I absolutley love this episode and when I did a binge a month ago for labor day of this show, it was one of the standouts by a wide margin. I only held off so long because why should Halloween be the only holiday I cover during spooky season huh? I mean yes it’s in my halloween coverage’s title but there’s always room for incusivlity. Like jello or Wolverine.
As for if i’m covering this show’s paired episode, the show’s episode for halloween itself...
Yeah I have nothing against the episode ITSELF, it’s just.. eh. I mean we do get bobby as a dracula and sid as a lobster, a cute dance sequence and Stanley griping about not getting to wear his costume at work, which is valid, and then wearing said taco costume at the end... it’s just wrapped around your standard “character blows off a family engagment for something that turns out to suck” plot, the only diffrence being Bobby being the best brother ever is supportive of Ronnie Anne going to a 6th grade party and gladly helps salvage the night at the end. And it wasn’t a plot I liked to begin with, so it had that going against it. And I Know, I tend to zero in on i’ve seen it before a lot.. but that’s because .. it’s OKAY to do a tried and true plot tha’ts been done a million times as long as you can do something entertaining with it. Both She Ra and Avatar the Last Airbender are about a world tha’ts long been conquered whose long lost savior comes to turn the tide of the war.. but that’s about as much as they share in direct comparison and both are fucking fantastic for diffrent reasons entirely. But as rehashes go that episode wasn’t BAD , just eh, and i’d rather focus on things I can write more about frankly.
Speaking of which, yeah I love this episode, and like “Mexican Makeover” it comes from Lalo Alcaraz of La Cucharacha fame, a comic strip writer whose also the show’s consultant for mexican culture, and is part of why the former episode disapointed me: because this one was REALLY fucking good. So enough hype , pitter patter let’s get at er.
The episode opens with Rosa setting up a day of the dead altar for her Father, with Sid and Ronnie Anne wondering what’s up, with Sid out and out wondering if Day of the Dead is mexican halloween something i’m ashamed to admit I thought of it as for years and years, because i’m as white as I am dumb, and most cartoons didn’t go much beyond “the dead come back for a day” and get into the more metaphorhical aspects we get to here. I assume Coco is the exception, as is the book of life I just still need to watch both. And yes you may boo me over this, I certainly deserve this. I do however like this line as it’s a common misconception, and gives a lot of kids likely thinking the same about the holiday in the audience a surrogate.
Ronnie Anne also wonders what the altar’s for. Rosa, while minorly annoyed at the two is happy to edcuate explaning it’s a day for honoring your loved ones and inviting them back, metaphorically though the metaphor was lost on young me since both Mucha Lucha and El Tigre had the dead literally come back, via an altar with offerings of their favorite things. It’s a nice bit that not only explains the holiday for those in the audience who either forgot a lot of that (raises hand) or didn’t know any of that, and also helps explain how the holiday is metaphoircal, something I didn’t think about before because as we’ve established i’m kinda dumb. The point is I like it.
Sid however gets an idea: Her sister Adelaide has been down in the dumps since her Frog, Froggy died, likely named after Big the Cat’s frog but this Froggy’s penchant for running off probably just got him ran over since Adelaide lives in the city and Frogger is sadly inaccurate, as George Costanza leanred the hard way.
So our ambigiously gay duo visit Addy, who being a 6 year old who just lost her pet is bawling her eyes out. So our duo tells her about day of the dead and they set out to get froggy’s faviorite things: From shoelaces to the hoppit, a frog themed version of the hobbit I both wish is real and belives is probably better than the second two hobbit movies, flies (with help from a dirty diaper because this show and it’s sister can’t resist poop jokes.. go with your audience I guess), and a lilypad. The result is this.
I”m.. not going to ask why a 6 year old’s frog has the frog equilvent of a naked burt renoylds on a bearskin rug photo, froggy’s sexy secrets died with him. But unfortuntely nuance is lost on a 6 year old, so Addy assumed Froggy was actually coming back and just grieves harder now. So Sid comes up with Plan B B: bring froggy back from the dead at the old pet semetary. Though since they don’t want to defile his body they try a dead ally cat first instead.
One Zombie Test Cat later, they decide sometimes dead is better and just go with plan b: Sid once had a goldfish that died and her parents got her a replacement, and since it worked on her, and apparently still works on Bobby, they decide to pull that. They rent a frog from the pet store. And if your asking “wait pet stores , even fictional ones, do that” and suprisingly.. no they do not, but Pete, the guy at the pet shop which is also named after him, likes Sid’s mom’s tour. Okay two questions: one is that little pete from the adventures of pete and pete all grown up? I mean I know what happend to his actor...
youtube
But in universe we have no idea. And Brendon Small, the character and the actor, showed up on Clarence so it’s plausable. And secondly where can I get the job as owner of my own pet store near melissa joan hart doing a gator show. I may have a career goal now.
So they sneak in subsittue froggy, and we get an adorable montage of Addy hanging out with Froggy the Second: Getting some son, eating flies (though Addy spits her’s out. She’s not Lana.), and watching the Hoppit.. as I wish to one day. I mean we see a trippy bit of it but not the actual thing.. I guess I can add seeing a full version to my small list of things related to this franchise that I only I want along with my a diffrent world-esque spinoff show following Lori and Bobby.
Addy happily sleeps after that giant ball of adorable, and Sid and Ronnie Anne take Froggy 2 back to Creepy Guy at the Pet Store.. I mean Pete.. I mean Future Me. So Sid pats herself on the back metaphoircally for the plan.. which this being a sitcom, naturally has kinda snowballed. Now Addy thinks she has power over life and death. Guess she has the same Christmas LIst as Crow
As not to break a small child’s heart for the second time in two days, our heroines decide they have to bring back her wish list: Great Aunt Milly, Old Mr Woodburn, and Abraham Lincoln.
Since they don’t have a time traveling phone booth, they’ll have to go with the next best thing, my boy Tio Carlos. Seriously why they don’t use this adorable nerd more is beyond me. But Carols being an adorable history nerd gladly agrees to play LIncoln for what he thinks is a play.. I mean greanted they could just tell him the truth. He’s a dad, he gets this kinda thing. Meanwhile our girls dress up like said aunt milly and shenanigans insue. It’s a really funny scene.. until it falls apart with the mr. woodburn impersination, revealing it was all a hoax, and sending Addleaide crying to her room understandably not wanting to talk to either of them. Still we got Carolos as lincoln. That’s not nothing.
But yeah having made things worse by accident, the girls go to Rosa for help who while understandably annoyed at the mess they made, is more than willing to come with and help. Because Rosa is fucking amazing ,that’s why. She sucessfully coaxes Addy out and then takes her down to the Casagrande’s place to show off her altar and explain the true meaning of day of the dead: Thinking about your loved ones.. keeps the memories alive. Thinking about who they were, what they loved, what they meant to you.. it’s not raising the dead.. but honring them. It not only made the real value of the holiday sink in for me but i’ts a good message for kids, and a good way to teach them about a holiday most probably didn’ know how it worked if they even knew at all. It’s a really sweet powerful moment, and the combination of alcaraz’s writing and Sonia Manzano really brings it to this scene. It’s easily the show’s best. Good stuff.
Froggy II interupts the scene.. turns out a trail of bacon bits, that we saw left earlier, lead him back, and Pete’s been following him the whole way and is winded because of course he is. We’re in the same blobby shape I get it man your fine. So with Addy already liking the second froggy, and having fully come to terms with the first’s death, Sid offers Pete tickets to her mom’s show in exchange for Froggy II, whose named that in this scene and who we saw in uptown funk. As long as it’s the splash zone he’s fine with it and Sid knows her mom enough well enough to know Becca would probably gladly trade a ticket for her daughter’s hapiness. Plus it’s easier to get someone to willingnly sign the wavers about getting gator blood on them when they already want that so win win.
We end on a Day of the Dead party with the whole cast in day of the dead makeup, eveyrone happy.. except Carl who’se subplot of spreading marigolds everywhere I missed and he ended up at the Loud House. Why this didn’t lead to a crossover I dunno. I mean if Steve Urkel can jetpack into the family from step by step’s yard, why not? I know the 90′s were a diffrent time but this was a missed opportunity. Funny gag anyway. And scene.
Final Thoughts:
I was pretty transparent with this one: I think it’s a wonderful, heartfelt, and well done look at day of the dead tha’ts educational without cramming the education part down your throat, like any good cartoon that teachs you something should do, and it’s also really funny and endearing.Not much else to say, it’s just really good and I was glad to highlight it and if you haven’t seen it, please do it’s perfect viewing for the season. If you want more Casagrandes I have two reviews under the nick tab on my blog, and will be covering the second batch of Halloween/Day of the Dead episodes later this month, along with the new loud house halloween special Ghosted. And if you can’t wait for either of those, monday i’ll be covering the new ducktales halloween special. Until we meet again, viva la muretos. Play us out Nimoy...
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#the casagrandes#croaked#Adelaide Chang#sid chang#ronnie anne santiago#rosa casagrande#carl casagrande#froggy ii#nickeodeon#day of the dead#halloween#halloween havoc
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Ok, secrets in return.. 6, 10, 15, 17...
ooh a lil secret exchange...... like little kids at a slumber party..... love this energy
6) how is your life different now from two years ago
hmm.... july 2018.... tbh not a whole lot has changed since, then, graduate school has a funny way of being all the same all the time. but i can think of a few...
school/job-wise, i became a doctoral candidate in june 2018 which was just over 2 years ago and that was cool, and my research was finally published in december 2019 which kicked ass. actually the project that was published wasnt even finished until october 2018 so i guess that too. my mentor and i have developed a really great mentor/mentee relationship that i attribute a good amount of personal growth to, bc for like the first time in my life i have someone actively helping me quash a lot of self doubt.
personal life-wise, hmm... in october 2018 i had the plate in my knee removed bc it was severely impeding my recovery and making it hard to walk. i figured out how to sit down on the floor and get up from the floor and go up and down stairs one at a time with a railing, then without a railing, learned how to crouch about halfway to normal, built up my stamina to stay standing for about an hour with minimal discomfort whereas before i suffered if i stood for 10 minutes. the girl that almost killed me was finally arrested and convicted and put in jail which doesn’t fix or reverse anything but still felt like some kind of justice.
and then personality wise i am just a little less afraid of getting things wrong. still terrified and still impacts my life, but i am able to give things a shot instead of dismissing them outright. led to me finding out i’m pretty good at some stuff i otherwise never would have tried. i’m also a little less afraid of asking for help or setting boundaries. therapy has that effect i guess.
i’m also way more long-winded than before, i feel like, as presented here. oops. i also feel like i’m much more forgetful and scatterbrained than before. not sure if it’s from stress, or a natural progression of taking on more obligations and learning how to balance them, or a long term side effect of having who knows what pumped into me for a month straight three years ago. maybe all three?
10) do you believe in ghosts
nah. i don’t really have a wordy explanation as to why i don’t so you get a break from the wall of text from the previous question.
15) what is your favorite memory
questions like this are hard bc i have a pretty bad memory and favorite memories only come to me when i encounter something that reminds me of it? it’s really hard to call upon specific memories. but i’ll at least try to think of a nice one from recent memory, i’m sure it’ll be far from my favorite but that’s okay.
hmm... oh actually my most recent birthday (abt 2.5 weeks ago) was really really nice? nothing super special happened; i got up, i went to work, i went home and bought myself an ice cream cake and video called my family. but throughout the day i had more people wishing me happy birthday than i ever had in my life. i’m a fairly active member of the rq official discord and i had no fewer than 2 dozen people immediately send happy birthday messages if they caught the implication from someone else (maybe more, that server is huge and it’s hard to keep track). and i’m in another, smaller server (you may be familiar uwu) where i’ve pretty fairly recently gotten to know a new group of people that seemed to pretty quickly welcome me into their friend group and i got some really nice birthday sentiments there too. and then at work i didn’t even really tell anyone it was my birthday, but i’m friends with one of my lab mates on facebook and he must have had birthday notifications on because he came by and wished me a happy birthday
obvs the last few months have been really isolating for just about everyone, but tbh it’s been especially hard for me bc i don’t really have many friends to begin with and definitely like no friends in my home town so my minimal social contact of like just small talk at the store and only having real conversations with coworkers being taken away has had me fairly down? but apparently over the past few months i have slowly been submitting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known, even just a little bit, and reaping the rewards of being loved in return, no matter how small, felt really nice and made it a really special day uwuwuwuwu
17) what ‘small things’ things terrify you
i know i have some intangible existential fears that would definitely seem trivial to some people but see above point about having a really hard time calling upon specific memories, and also i’m in a good mood so i’m not gonna try too hard. but off the top of my head two silly weird fears i have are 1) heights and 2) having people around me start singing.
1) i know heights are a very common fear/phobia but you don’t understand. i’m talking “i will literally freeze in place if i try to step onto this 4-inch stepstool, like seriously my conscious mind will not be able to lift my second foot onto the step, like it’s bolted to the ground” PETRIFIED of heights. i cannot stand on anything my brain perceives as not-solid-ground. this means i’m actually okay in airplanes and things like the st louis arch. i actually love that shit, i’ll look down at the ground and enjoy the view all day. but the second i have a single doubt about my ability to stay upright, fuck the fight/flight/freeze response. we are on 24/7 freeze/freeze/freeze response LOCKDOWN.
2) i’m talking flash mobs, i’m talking karaoke night, i’m talking people singing happy birthday to me. the idea of it puts me in “find an escape” mode, and being in it gives me the worst second-hand embarrassment ever, even if it’s all in good fun and there’s no reason for anyone involved to be embarrassed. this extends even to movie musical numbers (i actually skipped the scene in the tavern in disney’s tangled bc it gave me weird anxiety) and shit like hearing someone i know from another medium begin to sing (this is why it took me so long to check out the mechs and also why i cannot listen to recordings of friends singing as much as it would mean a lot to them for me to do so). idk if there’s a name for this phenomenon or if i’m the only person on the planet with this weird almost-or-maybe-complete phobia.
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I Forgot That You Existed (Part 1)
Link to part 2
"Yeah, we're not so worried about you not 'getting some.'" Frank put air quotes around the words.
"Well, we kind of are. It's just that the 'some' we're worried about you not getting is emotional fulfillment."
"True." Richie looked back and forth between his friends.
"Guys, I'm not getting a fucking online dating profile. I'm not forty. Stop bugging me."
"Richie, we're worried about you."
"What the hell are you, my mother?"
"Just download the fucking app, Tozier." Frank snatched the phone out of Richie's hand and held it just out of reach. Nina held Richie back as he reached for it.
"You motherfucker, give me my phone back!" Frank didn't respond.
"Say cheese!" He snapped a picture of Richie, who had sat sullenly back down. He typed speedily for a few moments (Frank's typing skills were the envy of all rapid-fire texters), then pressed a button. There was a soft whoosh as the profile was posted, and Frank tossed Richie his phone back.
"Fuck you, Frank." The phone chimed and all three of them gathered around to look at it.
"Holy shit," Nina said softly. "You got a match."
Meanwhile, in an LAX waiting room, Eddie Kaspbrak's phone buzzed in his back pocket. He ignored it, focusing instead on the pitch he was mentally writing and the steady sound his suitcase made as he rolled it back and forth in short paces. He hated investor meetings, but it was his company, and he had to get it off the ground if he ever wanted to be anything more than a 34-year-old asthmatic business major with no friends, no life, and no idea where he was going. Metaphorically. Literally, he was going to the Los Angeles Hilton, if his cab would ever get here. His phone buzzed again. He sighed and pulled it out.
YOU HAVE ONE NEW MATCH read the notification. He swiped and opened the phone. The wheel in the middle of the screen spun for what seemed like hours. Shitty airport WiFi. Finally, a profile popped up. The guy in the picture was... alright, he guessed. There was something a little oddball about him. And a little familiar, too. But then, maybe he just had one of those faces. Or, he realized, maybe he was a stand-up comedian that he’d seen in New York last year. Eddie smiled to himself, amused by the coincidence. At the time, he had no idea just how deep that coincidence really went.
“He’s kinda cute,” Nina offered and shrugged.
”I don’t know. He’s got sort of a sad puppy look. It’s a little off-putting.”
”Nobody asked you, Frank.”
”Nobody asked you either, Nina.”
”Both if you shut up.” Richie held up a hand to silence them. “Look, if I go on this one date, will you promise to get off my ass about getting a date?” Nina and Frank looked at each other and nodded.
”Deal.”
”Fine, then.” Richie’s thumb hovered above the LIKE button. “But what if-?”
”Oh, just shut up!” Nina exclaimed, and pushed the button for him.
Eddie considered it briefly. He was only in LA for a few days, maybe a week. There would be no second date, no relationship to come from this. Still, he couldn’t quite shake the voice in his head telling him yes, that this was important. And besides, what was the harm? Lots of people only went on one date. He pressed the LIKE button too.
”Fuck me,” he whispered as a message popped up on the screen.
CONGRATULATIONS!
Both of you liked each other!
Now you can start chatting.
Make a date, and hopefully, a connection.
Eddie rolled his eyes. This was the exact kind of cheesy bullshit he hadn't wanted when he had signed up for this app a year ago on a whim. A chat window opened up.
This is the start of your messages with RICHIE TOZIER
RICHIE TOZIER IS TYPING...
Richie had sent Nina and Frank away. He was tired and annoyed and frankly, talking to strangers on the internet (something he vaguely recalled his mother telling him never to do) sounded far more appealing than trying to deal with his friends at the moment. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, hesitating. What could he... say? "Hi, you're kind of hot?" "You ever date a comedian?" Maybe he'd just skip words and go directly to emojis. And then it came to him, a line he used to use on girls all the time back in school (girls who were well-above his league, and he knew it).
This is the start of your messages with EDWARD KASPBRAK
RICHIE TOZIER: I could use some spare change, and you're a dime.
He felt stupid even as he wrote it, but he pressed send before he had a chance to give it a second thought. Well, he thought, there goes that idea. And then, Edward Kaspbrak started typing.
Eddie was in his cab now, staring down at the absolutely asinine pick-up line he'd just been sent by a man who was at best a 6 and a half. But once again, he had a sense of déjà vu. Not just like he had heard that line before, but like it was somehow meaningful. If it had been anyone else, he was sure he would've ignored the message and moved on. But it wasn't just anyone, and even if Eddie didn't quite know why he remembered Richie Tozier, he wasn't giving up quite yet.
EDWARD KASPBRAK: You use that line on all the boys?
RICHIE TOZIER: I've got a whole library full of them, I don't need to reuse that one.
EDWARD KASPBRAK: Hey, this might sound weird, but have we met before? I have the weirdest feeling that we have.
RICHIE TOZIER: I'm pretty sure I would've remembered meeting you, dude.
Eddie flushed scarlet in the back of the cab. He couldn't remember the last time someone had said something like that to him. Truly, he couldn't.
EDWARD KASPBRAK: I'm probably wrong. Anyway, are you free tonight?
Richie thought for a moment. He was supposed to go get drinks with some other comedian buddies of his, then maybe crash an open-mic night that they had frequented in their early comedy days. But then he looked back at the man on his phone, the one who looked just a little bit sad even though he was smiling as widely as can be in his picture, and typed out a quick reply.
RICHIE TOZIER: I actually am. I know a good place, pretty quiet. I'll text you the address. You eaten yet?
EDWARD KASPBRAK: Yeah, why?
RICHIE TOZIER: The drinks are good, but the food... it's good that you already ate.
Eddie fussed with his hair one last time in the hotel mirror. It just... wouldn't sit right, even though it looked exactly like it always did. And his clothes, all he had was what he’d brought for business meetings and casual dress, nothing like what he’d normally wear on a date. He checked his watch again. He had given himself fifteen minutes to get there, even though the concierge at the hotel told him it’d take maybe ten, if traffic was bad, and since it was a Wednesday it probably wouldn't be.
To say Eddie hadn't been on a date in awhile would be an understatement. He hadn't been on a first date in seven months. He hadn't been on a second date in a year and a half. He hadn't been on a third date in three years. And as for his last real relationship... well, Eddie had never been in a real relationship. Not that he could remember, anyway. In college, there had been a four-month thing with a girl, but that was mostly just to please his mother. He and the girl (Rosa was her name) had been good friends, and still were, but their whole relationship had been something of a friendship with a few awkward makeout sessions thrown in for good measure. The fact that he didn't like women was probably a factor in his disastrous relationships, both with women and with his mother, but she had been dead for three years this October and he was finally living the way he had always meant to. He just... hadn't gotten around to it when she was still alive.
He took one last look in the mirror. He wasn't satisfied, but then, when was he ever? It was a warm early summer night, so he thought he'd walk. Or maybe he shouldn't. There would surely be people smoking outside, and with his asthma...
Similarly, Richie was trying on his third outfit. He had tried just the Hawaiian shirt, then just a T-shirt and leather jacket, and then all three simultaneously. Funnily enough, the multi-layered look was his favorite.
"You got this, Richie." He looked himself in the eyes (through the mirror, not any kind of crazy witchcraft shit), and cracked a grin. "Except that you're talking to yourself. Fuckin' weirdo." But he grew sober, and his fingers tapped nervously against the side of his leg.
Richie didn't date, per se, but he went out a lot, and then went home, usually with a different guy, although he had been known to call up an old flame from time to time. He had dated, and he wasn't necessarily opposed to the idea, but he was, not to toot his own horn, famous. And usually, famous guys, especially ones that weren't classically hot, didn't get dates. They got laid.
His Mustang was parked in the driveway, and even before he started it the wind off the ocean whipped his hair into a frenzy. As he sped off into the Santa Monica sunset, the butterflies in his stomach began to dissipate. This was going to be different. He could feel it.
Eddie had been waiting outside the bar for almost ten minutes. It was his fault, of course, for getting there so early, but the pacing outside the front door did nothing to calm his nerves. Nor did the gentle roar of the cherry-red Mustang that pulled up next to the curb, nor did the profoundly familiar face that got out of it. Richie Tozier walked two paces towards him and stopped in his tracks, his eyes even wider behind his fishbowl glasses than usual. Eddie spoke first, his vocal cords hardly functional.
"Holy-"
"-shit," Richie finished. All of a sudden, everything clicked into place. Why the name had sounded so familiar, and the face had been even more so. Why he had been so nervous in the first place. Eddie fumbled in the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a gray piece of plastic. His inhaler. He took two quick puffs of it and shook his head, as if in a stupor. Richie, who had screeched to a halt upon seeing his childhood friend (and first love, but that was another story), started again, and hugged Eddie with a force he didn't know he had in him. Eddie hugged him back, just as tightly.
"Holy shit, man," Eddie repeated.
"Yeah." They finally released each other and Richie took a step back, looking Eddie up and down. "Damn, Eds. You're looking good."
"So are you." Richie shook his head.
"I feel like such a fucking moron, but... I didn't even realize it was you until I saw you just now. You're going by Edward now?"
"Not... not really. And to tell you the truth, I only thought I recognized you because I saw one of your shows when you were in New York last winter." Richie laughed, deep and warm.
"Shit. Was it any good? Wait, don't answer that."
"It was great."
"Well, um... since we're here..." Richie gestured at the bar's frosted glass doors. "Want to get a drink?" Eddie smiled, and his dimples were craters in his cheeks.
"Yeah. I really do."
#reddie#it chapter ii#it stephen king#stephen king#it chapter 2#it chap 2#it 2#it 2 movie#eddie x richie#richie x eddie#richie tozier#bill hader#finn wolfhard#seth green#eddie kaspbrak#james ransone#pj ransone#jack grazer#jack dylan grazer#dennis christopher#fanfic#reddie fic#fic#fanfiction
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The 4400 AU
In short: Time Travel Shenanigans AU where Katsuki Bakugou is a first generation Japanese American immigrant who was born in 1936 and got sent to the future in 1952. Eijirou Kirishima is a gay american punk from new york living through the AIDs epidemic, born in 1970 and sent to the future in 1986. More information below the cut!
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Do you know The 4400? Its a show where, over the last 50 years, there have been 4,400 specific disappearances. In the modern day, a ball of light is on a collision course with earth. Before it crashes it slows down, then in a bright flash it deposits all 4,400 of those people. Not one of them has aged a day since their initial disappearance. By all accounts, they were just at the spot and time of their disappearance mere moments ago, even though many occurred decades previously. They’re held for 6 weeks by the government before its determined that they and their families have the right for them to be freed, on the condition that they return for weekly check-ins. Interestingly, after their reappearance, the 4400 begin to display supernatural abilities....
My friend @albino-pony suggested this au! Its one I’ve gotten really into even though I’ve only ever seen the first episode of the show. I’m not entirely sure how to format this so its interesting, but I figure that if you clicked on the readmore and you’re still reading, then you’re ok with some info dumps. So here’s these boys individual timelines. TW For era typical homophobia and racism.
Katsuki
Mitsuki was born in 1914 in Japan’s Aomori prefecture. She was born with albinism, giving her blonde hair and blue eyes. In 1928 Mitsuki immigrated with her family to the United States at age 14, where they were processed at Angel Island, and moved into San Francisco shortly thereafter. She, her parents, and older brother all got jobs as soon as they could. In 1932, amidst the Great Depression, she met Masaru Bakugou and married him in the spring of 1934.
In 1936 Masaru and Mitsuki had their first child, a boy who inherited her albinism, and named him Katsuki. They do their best to provide for him, but it's the Great Depression and they're immigrants who only speak English so well. They scrape by, providing for their boy as best they can. They normally leave their son in the care of an Inko Midoriya, a fellow Japanese immigrant who is being supported by her fairly successful husband.
Then in 1939, things are stabilizing again. Life is getting easier. They still work themselves to the bone but they don't go to bed starving so their growing son can have his best chance. In 1940 life is pretty good. Katsuki's four years old. Mitsuki has a job as a seamstress, and Masaru has an office job. Life is looking up.
December 7th of 1941, Pearl Harbor is bombed. Americans die. Masaru and Mitsuki are scared about the possibilities of war and what it could mean for their little one. But they decide to do their part and work as hard as they can for their new home, because they're Americans, and they love this country and the hope it holds for their son.
February 1942, the Bakugous are detained and put in a Japanese Internment camp in southern California, where they spend the next three years. Katsuki is five years old when they’re forced out of their home, and he remembers the train ride. He remembers his father holding him as they walked. He remembers the cold. He remembers the three coldest winters he ever felt, and he remembers the burning blazing heat of the three hottest summers he ever endured. He remembers the scorching desert of Manzanar. He remembers the stuffy air of the tight quarters. He remembers.
September 1945, The Bakugous finally leave Manzanar. They’re among the last to go. They go home to San Francisco and try to move on. Katsuki is nine years old. His parents are disturbed at how bad anti-japanese sentiment has gotten in the time they were at Manzanar. Mitsuki finds an old magazine in a waiting room with an article on how to tell Japanese people from Chinese. Masaru is spat on and called various racial slurs. They're terrified for their son, and do their best to shield him from it. When Inko Midoriya’s husband is killed only a few blocks away because he was Japanese and his murderer talked about how his brother was killed in action by them, Mitsuki doesn't let her son play outside anymore.
December 1945, Mitsuki realizes she’s pregnant again.
September 19th, 1946, Tsubaki Bakugou is born.
February 27th, 1947, Tsubaki Bakugou dies of whooping cough at four months old, her family lacking access to the vaccine. Katsuki is eleven years old, and is the one to find her body after his mother asked him to check on her.
June 1947, Mitsuki pays closer attention to her remaining child, terrified of losing him too. She gets worried. Mitsuki starts to notice how fond he is of his friends, and how little he seems to care about girls.
1948, She starts to worry about the way he looks at other boys and the movie stars of his favorite pictures. She asks him one night if he likes boys better than girls, and when he says yes she cries and tells him that he has to learn to like girls, and that liking boys is bad and he can't do it anymore. She doesn't let him go to the cinema anymore, and doesn't let him go out at all with his friends unless Izuku is there with him, because she knows Izuku will tell his mom if anything weird happens, and that Inko will tell her. She doesn't tell Masaru.
1949, When Katsuki is 13, Mitsuki and Inko talk, and they end up sending both of their sons to military school. Inko hopes it will help her son to stand up for himself, and Mitsuki hopes it will teach Katsuki discipline and order. It helps Izuku. It tames Katsuki's attitude toward adults, but his treatment of the other kids only gets worse. The only thing he learns there is how to pretend.
1952, Katsuki is 16, he's visiting home. He fights with his mother. They call each other all manner of horrible things. He tells her he never wants to see her again. She tells him thats fine, and to go. Katsuki goes for a walk to clear his head.
He never comes home.
Eijirou
Eijirou is born on October 16th, 1970 in upstate new york. His timeline is shorter than Katsuki’s because I dont know as much about 70s/80s culture in new york that would have affected a young japanese american man, so theres only a few really important events in his life that I know for sure of.
July 28, 1982 - Eijirou is 11 years old and sees Queen live on their Hot Space Tour in NYC, and it blows his fucking mind. It instills in him a love of music, and whenever he needs to psych himself up for something he listens to those songs and remembers that energy.
1984 - He comes out as gay to his parents and is kicked out. He takes a bus to the city and ends up being embraced and taken care of by some members of the punk scene and NYC gay communities.
1985 - The man who took care of Eijirou, Taishiro Toyomitsu, better known by his stage name Fatgum, dies of HIV related complications.
1986 - On his way back to the shitty apartment he shares with his bandmates from a concert they were a part of, Eijirou stops to pee in an alley way or something, and disappears in a flash of light.
When the 4400 appear back on earth in the modern day, many experience small physical changes. For example, Eijirou and Katsuki have red eyes, and Izuku’s hair is slightly green. Todoroki’s hair is half white, and half red.
People Who Reappeared in the 4400 and When/Where
Touya Todoroki - 1923 - Japan
Tenya Iida - 1924 - Great Britain (London)
Shoto Todoroki - 1930 - Japan
Yagi Toshinori - 1946 - America
Katsuki Bakugou - 1952 - America (San Francisco, California)
Izuku Midoriya - 1952 - America (San Francisco, California)
Fumikage Tokoyami - 1961 - America (West Virginia)
Hawks (whats your real fucking name u shit) - 1961 - America (West Virginia)
Yuga Aoyama - 1968 - France
Tooru Hagakure - 1970 - New Zealand
Denki Kaminari - 1977 - America
Ochako Uraraka - 1985 - United Kingdom
Eijirou Kirishima - 1986 - America (New York, New York)
Momo Yaoyarozu - 1989 - West Germany (Berlin)
Shota Aizawa - 1992 - Japan (Tokyo)
Ashido Mina - 1996 - Japan
Hanta Sero - 2000 - China (Yunnan Province)
Kyouka Jiro - 2005 - America
Tsuyu Asui - Literally like a week before they reappeared - America
More will be added as they’re decided on!
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We as a society love consuming distant obscure drama. Go on, have at it
i am SO glad you said that oh my god just take my hand in marriage already because i live and breathe salt. whether it’s my salt or other people’s salt. anyway ok so here goes the story of what’s been going on with me the last few months
so i just want you to know that i am leaving my current job to go to another job (same organization, different division, different location). and this change is happening next week. they told me yesterday. i am ECSTATIC. i have been begging to leave. i put in for a transfer 1 YEAR ago, january 2019.
so i first heard of this potential transfer early october 2019. they make me come in for a computer assessment where they test my word/excel/math skills, and they do this at a downtown location. technically they’re obligated to let you go to any internal job things on company time, but we have been so short staffed that days off are basically a rarity and you get challenged for them every time. as well, my supervisor says it’s “policy” to only give 1 hour travel time for any testing. i tell her this is literally impossible because i don’t drive and we are literally in the middle of construction for an LRT line. it would take an hour and half if not two hours to get downtown from here. she says “sorry nothing i can do” so after a lot of back and forth because i’m desperate to go to this goddamn testing to get out of here, i offer to print out a google maps with the travel time and present it to The Manager because the thing literally says “1 hour 20 mins” and that’s being generous. it’s a fight but it’s worth it because eventually she gives in. anyway so i pass the testing.
i hear nothing in november. i go in for a meeting with the potential new supervisor in early december. this also happened to be on the day of my driving test, WHICH was rescheduled to this day from another day due to a snowstorm. ignoring the fact that my nerves are frayed because i hate driving and want to get it over with, i think i’m going to be ok because the meeting is in the morning and the test is in the afternoon. EXCEPT for the fact that i can’t easily get another day off. so i literally cry in front of my supervisor. i cry like a little bitch. she gives me the time off, but she’s going to be petty and not give me the time for the meeting. fucking hell so i have to use vacation but whatever, i’m feeling like a greedy little baby for daring to ask that i get to go on company time anymore. i meet my future supervisor and she is amazing. she is so chill and nice and the environment feels way better. i also pass my driving test.
i hear nothing until jan 6 where i finally get the call that my transfer is confirmed. i’m soooo happy. then i get called into The Manager’s office today where he tells me when he got the call for reference check back in decemeber, he thought “oh so this is really happening” and he fought to push my transfer date back to at least sometime in february but they insisted on next week. so he asks me why i’m choosing to leave and i tell him. then he says just for my information he’s “taken aback” at my suggestion that i wanted to pursue this career path in the new division rather than this division. i’m kinda like what but don’t really care.
let me just paint a picture of the current situation at work. we used to have a team of over 25, now it’s down to around 12-15. i’ve only been here for a year and a half but i’ve seen like 7 people leave during my time. different people keep going off randomly for months at a time on “long term sick leave.” we have two people about to go away on maternity leave in march. they refuse to hire more people because we’re “at full complement” and “it takes 6 months to hire one person.” there’s talks of a organization-wide strike happening later this year. i haven’t seen my supervisor in awhile since she’s always away sporadically with no access to email, and she’s away this week on off-site meetings but still with no access to her email. the team lead has been away sick since early december. which is fine with me since she’s one of the most toxic dysfunctional people and that’s saying something when there’s a lot of dysfunctional people here. i have no idea if either of them know i’m leaving next week lol. sooo they’re really gonna feel my absence here, but i’m gonna be killing it downtown starting next week sooo oh well
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Hey! Say! JUMP - 2019.06.14 Taipei Event
This is basically a combination of the following articles about the press conference based. You can also watch the 6 minute Youtube video, which covered pretty much all of the Q&A.
Sources
https://tw.news.yahoo.com/hey-jump%E6%8B%97%E9%99%B6%E5%AD%90%E8%AB%8B%E5%90%83%E9%A3%AF-215008204.html
https://stars.udn.com/star/story/10092/3871910
https://memeon-music.com/2019/06/14/hey-say-jump/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nb56lj24qng&app=desktop (Youtube Video of most of the press conference)
Arrival
https://www.facebook.com/199930290046/posts/10156008791945047/
Press Conference
Japanese idol group, Hey! Say! JUMP members Yamada Ryosuke, Chinen Yuri, Nakajima Yuto, and Yabu Kota visited Taiwan on the 14th and held a press conference in the afternoon. The moderator for the event was Ms. Matilda Tao. The members greeted the press in Mandarin, which they practiced furiously for 2 weeks. Nakajima Yuto even learned to say “I’m so happy to see you all” in the Minnan dialect!
[The following is in Chinese.]
Yamada: Hello, I’m Yamada Ryosuke. I’m very happy to be able to come to Taiwan again.
MC: They spent a long time learning these Chinese. Yeah, please applaud to cheer them on.
Chinen: Hello, I’m Hey! Say! JUMP’s Chinen Yuri. I miss you all.
Yuto: Hello everyone. I’m Hey! Say! JUMP’s Nakajima Yuto. <Minnan Dialect> I am very happy to see you all.
MC: <Applause> I understand. OK.
Yuto: That’s good, that’s good.
MC: Suge… Let’s hear from “Big Brother” Yabu.
Yabu: Hello everyone. I’m Hey! Say! JUMP’s Yabu Kota. I love Taiwan.
After the greetings, Yamada immediately announced their upcoming concert at the Tokyo Arena on October 5th and 6th. At this time, the other members faked surprise, and kept saying 「真的嗎」 (is this true?) 「真的假的」 (literally: real or fake, which they just learned) and 「不知道」 (I don’t know) at Yamada.
This is the first time they returned since they held a concert here 7 years ago. Yamada said that the fans were really warm last time they came to Taiwan. At the end of the concert, they presented the guys with message cards and they were very moved. Chinen mentioned that their Japanese was very good and they spoke to them directly in Japanese. Yabu said since the fans spoke with them in Japanese, they really want to learn Chinese (Mandarin) so they can communicate with the fans.
[One reporter] mentioned that their Arena Tour in Japan has been canceled, but now they will hold a concert in Taiwan, the fans were shocked. There will probably be Japanese fans coming to the Taipei concerts. To that, Yabu answered “We would like the Taiwan concert to be very Hey!Say!JUMP like, so we will sing a lot of songs that represent us and Johnny’s. Of course, we know a lot of Japanese fans will also come to see us in Taiwan, so we want to make sure they will also enjoy the concert.”
When asked about how they prepare their bodies for the concert, Yamada said that they started playing soccer to improve their endurance and also have fun at the same time. The reporter asked if the members remind each other to not get too fat.
Yuto: “Well, there are some of us who are almost 30.”
Yabu: “Hey, who are you talking about?”
Yuto: “That will be you. Ni Ni Ni (you! you! you!)”
Yabu: “You’re talking about me.”
Yuto: “Yes. So lately, these members are not very good at remembering the dance steps. They are slow to pick up too.”
Yabu: “Stop it!”
Yuto: “The one on the far right is the worst.” [gesturing to the Lucky/Unlucky poster at the back]
Yabu: “Hikaru.”
Yuto: “He hesitates a lot.”
Since the members are all very handsome (?!), the reporter asked what they will bring with them at all times. Nakajima said “lip gloss”. Yabu said “toothbrush and toothpaste, since an idol must have a brilliant smile at all times.” Chinen said he likes to bring as little as possible, so he will just bring his wallet. Yuto reminded him that he also brought his passport today. Chinen said “yeah, luckily I did.” Before Yamada answered, the MC said she watched a program where members said when they went to play darts, Yamada very cooly brought out his own personal darts. She wanted to know if that’s true. Yamada was shocked she knew and asked how. She said she got the information from one of the members, “C-San”. Yamada turned to Chinen and said “it’s you!” before confirming.
Last month, the group released their new single “Lucky/Unlucky”. The MC asked them if there is anything they find lucky lately? Nakajima immediately answered “Being able to come back after 7 years.” Chinen added, “Since it has been 7 years, we were worried that nobody will come to see us. When we see all the people at the airport, we breathed a sigh of relief.” Yamada said he was lucky to be cast in some movies and dramas, and even though he wasn’t sure if they would be shown in Taiwan, he hoped that is a good chance for the Taiwanese audience to get to know them. Chinen and Yabu said they took a vacation to earlier to watch soccer matches (football) and they roomed together just like when they first debut. But Yabu added that “it was to save money.”
When asked what changed in the past 7 years, the tallest member, Nakajima, immediately said “height”. 7 years ago, he was only 18, so he grew about 5cm since then. Yabu said that the era has changed from Heisei to Reiwa, the group Hey! Say! JUMP also jumped to the new era. He hoped they could also represent the new era. Yuto added “It’s not hard to predict the next group’s name.”
The MC asked if there is anything they would like to eat this time. The members asked them to make a recommendation. Ms. Tao recommended her own Szechuan restaurant. Yabu immediately asked her to treat them to a free meal. He added “If you treat us, then Chinen will not have to bring his wallet at all.”
At this time, the organizers then brought out the bubble tea with dark syrup for them to try. The members jokingly asked if the MC also owned the bubble tea shop. Ms. Tao asked them to try one by one and they all kind of looked at each other. Yamada took the first sip, was shocked, and said “delicious” (in Mandarin). Seeing Yamada was OK after drinking the tea, the rest of the members tried, each adding they also found it delicious. Yamada said that when Ms. Tao asked them to try one by one, they thought they were going to be pranked like in Japanese variety shows. Yabu said he thought they put soy sauce or something in the bubble tea instead of dark syrup. Yamada said he actually liked sweets a lot and he ate all the chocolates in Chinen’s hotel room just now.
The press conference came to an end. Yamada said “Although we cannot tell you much about the concert itself, since the Taiwanese fans have been waiting for us for 7 years, we are looking forward to this opportunity as well. We will try our best, so please continue to support us.” They then said “Please look forward to the concert, we will work hard” in Mandarin. [Yuto] said “Thank you for waiting us” in English. [T/N: I don’t know if the author had that wrong or that’s what Yuto really said.]
Post Press Conference Interview
https://stars.udn.com/star/story/10092/3872482?from=udnamp-referralnews_ch1022artbottom
After the press conference, Yamada Ryosuke had to leave immediately to go grab some quick dinner before returning to Japan. Yabu, Nakajima, and Chinen stayed behind to continue the interview. They admit that they just memorized the Mandarin phonetically and studied using phrase books and apps. In terms of their Chinese, they each claimed they won’t lose to each other, and they trot out all the Mandarin phrases they know, like 「不好意思來晚了」 (sorry we came so late)、「不客氣」 (don’t worry about it)、「辛苦啦」 (thanks for your troubles), etc. They said they will work hard to learn more.
They said they feel that the Taiwanese fans speak very good Japanese. In the last 7 years, they received many fan letters and they also saw Taiwanese fans at their concerts, so they really want to learn Mandarin as a thanks to the fans. Nakajima Yuto is quite the sweet talker. Not only did he say at the press conference that the luckiest thing is to be able to come to Taiwan, when asked if they will invite any VIP guests, he answered without hesitation, “The fans are our VIP!” Yabu and Chinen clapped at his words.
Nakajima said that while he said “height” being the biggest change in the last 7 years at the press conference, he was just joking. The person who changed the most is probably Takaki Yuya, who went from being a lone wolf to the warm, active guy he is today. The group also agreed that Takaki has the best body and is the sexiest in the group. As for the one with the least change, it will be Arioka Daiki, who not only seemed to be frozen in age, he actually seemed to age backwards.
The members expressed their hope to act in a movie together. Yabu said they could try something like “Ocean’s Eleven” while Yuto said they could do a musical. Yabu said that last time they were in Taiwan for the calendar photoshoot, they visited the night markets and Jiufen, so he hoped to visit some other places. They asked if we have any suggestions, and started talking about Taipei 101. Nakajima is interested in architecture, especially old-style mansions, so we recommended Huashan 1914 Creative Park.
[One article said the guys plan to stay 2D1N.]
#hey say jump#yabu kota#nakajima yuto#chinen yuri#yamada ryosuke#taiwan 2019.06.14 press conference#translations#summary
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Writer’s Corner: phloridas
Introductions
First things first, tell us a little about yourself.
Hi, I’m Claire! I’m 22 years old, from Illinois, and like most 20-somethings, have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Things have been been pretty turbulent these last few years, as I started college studying Elementary Education but transferred schools a couple years ago to study Creative Writing. I had recently fallen in love with writing all over again and wanted to improve my craft/possibly work with books as a career. That school, however, wasn’t a great fit for me and after months of struggling, I dropped out last October and have been slowly putting myself back together since. I’m now hoping to transfer again to a school closer to home to finish my Elementary Ed degree, as I really do have a passion for teaching and children and thoroughly enjoyed those classes when I was taking them. So fingers crossed things can work out there! :)
How long have you been writing for?
I wrote and posted my first phanfiction in October 2016 but if you’re talking fanfiction in general, my first ever fic was a terrible Glee one that I scribbled in my 9th grade biology notebook in the spring of 2012 and thankfully never posted anywhere. I’ve also been writing original stories and keeping journals on and off since I was 6--which is a really long time, now that I’m thinking about it!
Tell us about your current project.
Ok! I’m currently working on a few things: first is my PRB, second is a fic I was commissioned to write for the Phandom Gives charity drive and the third is a much longer thing I’ve been working on for about a year now, where Dan and Phil are telling the story of their lives and releasing it as a book for their 10th anniversary, and dealing with all the emotions that arise from all that—so basically my fever dream for 2019, which feels more possible than ever now in this post-coming out universe.0 unread message
What is your current word count?
245,379 or 259,014 counting my wips! (Damn, I wish I had that much in dollars lmao)
Questions on Writing
Do you try to write daily? Do you have a word count or other goals you try to hit for each writing session?
As long as my mental health is decent and I’m not sick or anything, I try to write every day! I haven’t had a word count goal for a while but recently, I’ve started using a word count tracker and it’s been amazing to see my progress through that! My base goal is normally 500 words but if I’m not working that day, I try to go for 1k or to the end of whatever scene I’m working on.
How do you feel about the arguments against real person fic?
I totally understand why some people may be uncomfortable reading it--I personally hate talking about it, even with my closest irl friends--but I don’t think anyone should tell someone what they can and can’t write. Does it sometimes feel weird, especially after seeing them at TATINOF and II and meeting them at II? Sure, but it helps that dnp themselves are cool about it. For me, writing is all about getting these stories out of my head, and it just so happens that all my stories feature Dan and Phil. So yeah, I’m gonna write and post them no matter what anyone else says.
What challenges you most in your writing?
Myself. Much like Dan, my perfectionism makes me my own harshest critic and so many times, has completely destroyed my productivity. I also have a really bad habit of comparing myself to others, which only got worse after I started taking writing classes and saw just how talented some of my peers were. However, after speed writing most of my last fic in the two weeks before its posting date and seeing the amazing response that’s gotten, I’ve gained a lot more confidence in my writing abilities and don’t overthink as much, which has been really nice!
What's your favorite piece of feedback you've ever gotten?
All the comments on my most recent fic, an act of infinite optimism, have been incredible and I’m SO happy it got such a good response! I was a bit hesitant about it, as it’s from Dan’s mum’s point of view and seeing as I’m not a mother myself (and currently have no interest in becoming one), I wasn’t sure how well it would resonate. But I think reading Michelle Obama’s memoir helped a lot, since her story helped me see exactly what being a working mom is like, which gave me so much more empathy for moms everywhere. And people have said this fic resonates well with them, whether or not they’re a mom themselves, which is so amazing to hear!
What do you think makes a good story?
I’m quite easy to please so honestly, if the author has put lots of love and hard work into a story, I’m so here for it! But some of my favorite stories are the ones that focus most on character development and that follow the characters through an emotional journey. Basically, if your premise is Dan and Phil talking about their feelings and learning more about themselves in the process, it’s an automatic yes from me. Like I said, I’m not picky :)
How do you balance writing for yourself vs. writing what people want to read?
Honestly, it’s not something I think about all that much? If I have an idea I really like, there’s a 95% chance I’ll write it just so I can get it out of my head. And normally what people want to read is the kind of thing I want to write (like my take on the 2017 Lester family Christmas, which was super well received), so it works out quite well!
What inspired whatever you’re currently working on?
For my current wip (the one I’ve been working on since August), I actually was inspired by Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl and its use of excerpts from Cath’s fics or the Simon Snow books before each chapter. As a dnp tell all book is something I’ve dreamed of for years, it occured to me that I could write that book, or little bits of it anyway, and the story of how that book gets created! And maybe confronting their past selves will allow dnp to move on with the rest of their lives, finally settling down and living their domestic dreams! So beyond the initial idea, the rest is pretty much all the hopes and dreams I had for 2019 before the reality of this year came crashing down on us all :D
What is your ideal writing environment?
Literally, in my bed, snuggled under the covers. I don’t have a desk in my room and don’t feel comfortable writing anywhere else so 99% of my it happens here, on my semi-functional laptop. Or hastily typed out on my phone whilst hiding behind a large clothing display at work, but idk if I would call that ideal lmao
Don’t forget that you can check out Claire on tumblr at @phloridas or on AO3 here. If you’d like to be on the list for a Writer’s Corner feature, sign up here!
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