Ahh yes, the autism brothers 🤝🤝🤝

Also. The question on which school the curses go to.

I was actually thinking about wether this should be a highschool or college au with the art twist, since your experience can really vary based on which school you go to and wether it’s highschool or not. Since In highschool you still need to have all of the normal subjects and you don’t really have as much freedom in the art subjects, since you’re still sort of learning the basics. There’s still art contests tho, and side gigs. And another thing is that it can vary from school to school, some are more focused on design, some are a mix of art and craft, and some are almost fully craft. Another difference between college and high schools is that you have more specific classes and majors that have the things you actually want to do(for example in most art high schools I know of there isn’t a department specifically for sculpting), so again, more freedom and choice.

Leaving that question aside(because I am too tired to answer it), the curses go to the school that is considered by most to be the last option for art students. From my humble experience there is always that One school that is really there if you have no other choice. Sure, from the outside, it seems fine if not a little old and slightly decrepit, and the students are very talented yes, but they’re all kinda insane. That paint thinner that made Geto go crazy? Yea they still use it here from the stockpile the previous principle bought in bulk some 20 years ago. And the teachers and students will say “oh well it’s fine, it works well and we’re all doing good” but any outsider can tell that it affects them at least a little. The walls are peeling and there’s writing on the desks and walls from decades ago, and some of the most insane and strange art you’ve seen probably came from that school.

mmmmmm mmhm mmhm. and mahito probably went there on purpose

(what if there's an alternate reality version of geto at that school who never stopped huffing paint thinner and now he thinks he is possessing his own body. and he's the curses' advisor. he's not really geto but he just looks like him (or maybe they're related??? idk maybe he got obsessed with geto in hs and now he thinks he's possessing his body. that paint thinner man) and at the main school they do call him pseudo geto)

Fanfiction Teaser: The Strategist| Coming April 2021 to FF.net and A03 | Chapter One, “The Professor & The Madman”

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Ron and Hermione

Premise: Begins Post Half-Blood Prince. “Wars are not for children,” Arthur said with a deep sigh. 

“It’s a good thing I’m not a kid anymore, isn’t it, Dad?” 

                                                     The Strategist  

“War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.”-J.R.R Tolkien

“The Minstrel-Boy to the War has gone! In the ranks of death, you will find him. His father’s sword he hath girded on and his wild harp slung behind him. ‘Land of song,’ said the warrior-bard, ‘Though all the world betrays thee. One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard. One faithful harp shall praise thee.’”-Thomas Moore

                                                    One:

                          The Professor & The Madman

Ronald Weasley had never seen Hogwarts so silent. The place seemed frozen, stuck, dead. He shuddered at his train of thought. It had been barely an hour since Albus Dumbledore, largely regarded as the greatest Headmaster Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had ever known, had been laid to rest.

His murderer, Professor Snape, was gone, had left like the ruddy coward he was along with the rest of the Death Eaters. Snape had never been anywhere near Ron’s favorite teacher, but he never could have imagined anything like this. To make matters worse, Dumbledore had trusted Snape. That mistake had cost him everything.

Ron found himself sitting on the Quidditch Pitch. It was empty, no one had a thought for Quidditch. The days of worrying about his Keeper abilities and how to pass his N.E.W.T.S seemed as far away as his life before Hogwarts.  

His parents were catching up with old friends, but they had announced that they would be leaving in two hours, his mother was especially was eager for him and Ginny to be at home. He didn’t have the heart to tell her he wouldn’t be staying long.

Dumbledore had given Harry Potter a mission. You Know Who had a secret, several of them it seemed, and they had to find them all and destroy them. Horcruxes.  

He, Harry and Hermione Granger were setting off a mission to find and destroy each of those Horcruxes. Seven of them. Two had already been dispensed. And one would only be gone when He Who Must Not Be Named popped his clogs for good.

 Apparently, they could be anything. One they knew about. It was the locket of Slytherin. But who knew where they would find that?  

And then there was this mysterious R.A.B character who had somehow stolen the locket.  No one had the foggiest idea who he was. So, they were heading headlong into disaster without a clue as to what to do.

He honestly shouldn’t have been surprised. After his first year at Hogwarts, having to deal with a giant, living chess set and then a murderous diary, a violent tree and a killer snake in his second had pretty much taught him to be prepared for anything.  

There was a part of him that wanted to just go home. A part of him that wanted spend a quiet summer at home, go to Hogwarts for his seventh year and start life in the real world.

But he knew he was kidding himself. With Dumbledore gone and You-Know-Who gaining ground every second, if they didn’t end it, there wouldn’t be a real world. So, he would fight. There was nothing to do but fight. He knew Hermione felt the same way, but if he could’ve kept her away from it all, he would. More than anything, he wanted to keep her safe.  

Harry had disappeared somewhere off with Ginny, and although he had had his reservations about their relationship, there were far worse guys for his only sister to date. Although she couldn’t have picked a more troublesome bloke.  

Then again, Ginny had always liked trouble. She'd be coming back to school next year. Ron couldn’t imagine what Hogwarts would be like without Dumbledore.  

He looked up to the window where the old Headmaster’s office had been. It was hard to imagine anyone else ever being there.  

Hs eyes fell to the window where Potions class was. Snape had taught there, pretending that he wasn’t a Death Eater, pretending that he could be trusted. The whole thing made him want to vomit and then punch something.  

And then he thought of Slughorn. He apparently had written a fucking book for Voldemort: How To Make A Horcrux: A Guide for Fucking Demented Psychopaths. His mother had often told him that not all Slytherins were evil, but the whole lot of them seemed to be nothing but trouble.  

But then again, if he’d wrote the book, he might have the answers. 

He made his way back into the castle, grabbed the Marauder's Map from Harry’s trunk and searched for Slughorn’s name. He was in a part of the castle Ron had never ventured. But there was no time for trepidation now.

He made his way to the Teacher’s Wing. He found himself outside Slughorn’s quarters. He knocked, but there was no answer. Normally, he would’ve turned away, but it was no time to waste on civilities.

He walked in. “Professor? Professor Slughorn?”  

He heard some shuffling about and he instantly reached for his wand. These days, no one could be too careful.

“Oh, Mr. Wemby!” Ron fought the urge not to roll his eyes. This man literally had taught generations of his entire fucking family and he couldn’t remember his last name. It wasn’t as if they all bore a strong family resemblance and had the same hair color.  

Oh, wait a second, it was.

What made it worse was that he’d nearly died because of Slughorn and a box of Love Potion-tainted chocolate cauldrons.  

“How are you, my boy? Avoiding more poisonings, I hope?”

“Doing my best, sir,” Ron said with a smile. “If I might have a word?”

“Certainly, my boy,” said the aged professor and Ron noted that he took a rather pointed look at his hourglass. “Although I am in quite of a hurry.”

“You’re leaving Hogwarts?”

“Oh, no. I couldn’t dare. Now, with everything that’s happened. You-Know-Who will come for this place, I guarantee you. Someone will have to help watch over the students. No, I was just heading down to the greenhouses. With Death Eaters knocking on every corner, there’s a couple of plants that I should like to have on hand.”

Ron nodded and squared his shoulders. “Well, I won’t take up too much of your time, sir. Sir, I’m aware of what you gave Harry about...You-Know-Who.”

Ron watched the professor’s face go white. “Sir, believe, I’m not here to give you a hard time about it,” he said quickly. “I just want your help with something.”

Professor Slughorn’s back straightened. "I've already given Harry everything.” His voice was stiff and dismissive, but Ron didn’t have time to get upset.

“I know. But I was just wondering, is there anything else you know that might be helpful. You see, Harry’s going to try and destroy all of the Horcruxes. That’s right, he did make Horcruxes, sir. Six of them, apparently.  I'm going with Harry. Me and Ms. Granger. Is there anything you know that may be able to help us? Anything about Horcruxes, anything about You-Know-Who. Dumbledore said you were his favorite teacher.”  

The professor scoffed. “Ah yes, my claim to fame. The favorite teacher of the Darkest Wizard our world has ever known. What a nice epithet that will be, I’m sure. Of course, Harry would go for the Horcruxes. He’s Dumbledore’s man through and through.” Slughorn turned thoughtful for a moment. “That may not always be a good thing, mind you. Sit down, Weatherby.”  

Ron did as he was told.  

“I really shouldn’t tell you much,” the professor began. “It would be quite... well, I suppose none of that will even matter.” He sighed and Ron thought he was looking at a man who was clearly at war with himself.  

“I’ve often thought about that night, the night I told him about some of the darkest magic known to Wizarding kind. I believed his curiosity natural, admirable. How wrong I was. The first thing you ought to know is that none of the items will be insignificant. They'll be things that were important to him.  But they’ll also be things considered magically significant. He likes power, he like things connected with the past. Dumbledore—,” his voice caught briefly as he mentioned the old Headmaster, “may have told you as much. And his favorite place is this school. It is the only place he ever felt at home.”

Ron’s eyes widened. “Do you think one of the objects is here, sir?”  

“Well, there could be no better hiding place, could there?”  

“Sir, do you know how to destroy one?”

Slughorn sighed. “I have never learned the spell to create one. But a good wizard is curious about such things. But only curious. What I can tell you is that making horcruxes is not an easy business, my boy. Destroying them is far, far worse. There's only a couple of things in the world that can do so and most of them will kill a wizard just as easily. Basilisk venom, for one. I don’t think I need to tell how hard that is to come by. And no, I haven’t got any. If I did, I'd give it to you. There’s also Fiendfyre. It’ll destroy the Horcrux but if you’re not careful, it’ll take you right out with it. And then there is a Potion.”

“A Potion?”

Slughorn nodded. “Horcruxes, my boy, can be anything. Including flesh and blood. Now normally, you’d just kill the living thing and the Horcrux inside it right along with it. But, if for some reason, you want to remove the Horcrux without killing the host, there is a potion for that.”  

Slughorn got up from his chair and walked back to a cupboard, shuffling about for a moment before picking out a small vial with a reddish-black liquid. He brought it back to the table and handed it to Ron.

“This is Actuscaria. It's one of the rarest potions in the world. It's incredibly tricky to make and it has about a thousand different uses, one of them is destroying Horcruxes inside of living things.”

Ron looked at the potion, fascinated, more fascinated than he’d ever been by a potion before. “How does it do that, sir?”

“Actuscaria can only be made by love.”

Ron looked at the professor, blue eyes clouded with confusion.

“As in the act of love.” Ron still looked perplexed. “As in making it, Mr. Weasley.” 

Understanding dawned in Ron’s eyes, he turned bright red and eyed the bottle curiously. He was so fascinated that he didn’t realize that Slughorn finally got his blasted name right.

“But not just any act of love Mr. Weasley, the first act of love. To put it into frankly, the potion is made from the blood of a virgin witch.” Ron turned even redder, but if Slughorn noticed, he didn’t let on.  

“The blood that is shed during the act of deflowering.” Ron blushed again, this time the color of a ripe tomato. “Also, the blood has to be combined with the seed of the wizard who has deflowered her. Given that she has been deflowered, this combination happens rather naturally. Also, you need the entire fingernail of each of their left hands. Combine that with three drops of phoenix tears, brewed in a cauldron made from dragon’s eggs and the fire lit only with elm wood for eight days and seven nights. But the most important part of this is that the witch and wizard must be in love. Not some childish, silly infatuation, but truthfully, truly in love or it will not work. Horcruxes are formed by murder, a violation against nature. But the act of love, true love at its purest is the very affirmation of nature. It’s Old Magic, you see, nothing more powerful. Guard it, Mr. Weasley, with your life. Even if you never have cause to use it, it’s worth five times its weight in gold.”

Ron reached out a slightly trembling hand to grasp the potion. It seemed so unremarkable, so ordinary. It didn’t look revolting like Polyjuice or deadly like Night of the Living Death.

“Thank you, Professor...for everything,” Ron said, standing up. “I’ll need to finish packing.”

Professor Slughorn nodded and Ron began to walk away. Right before, he reached the door, he turned around.

“Professor, is there anything, anything else at all that you can tell me?”

The aged potions master looked up from his desk. “Yes. Godspeed, my boy. Godspeed.”  

Ron nodded. That wasn’t terribly helpful but he knew he meant well. Which considering the circumstances, was probably the most anyone could do.

“Mr. Weasley,” the professor called out before Ron had reached the back of the classroom. “Before you go, if you have a moment, feel free to take whatever you’d like from the Potions Storeroom. If you’re going to try and stop...him, you never know what you may need.”

Ron nodded and with one final farewell, he left the Good Professor to ponder that one fateful conversation. Ron had learned this year how much damage one action could cause.

As he headed back to Gryffindor Tower, he thought of everything the Professor had told him. Was it possible He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had hidden a Horcrux at Hogwarts? He didn’t pretend to know how the psycho thought, he left that up to Harry.  

But if you were going to hide something you never wanted anyone to find, where else would you hide it?  

He arrived in the Gryffindor common room, which was all but deserted. Hermione was sitting on the couch her legs propped up on her trunk, clearly deep in thought.

 He was supposed to meet his parents and Ginny in the Great Hall in a hour and a half. Hermione would be coming with them and then taking the Floo Network back to her house.  

She looked sad, she looked worried. She looked beautiful. All he wanted to do was hold her.

It hadn’t been the best year for their friendship. Theirs had always been a friendship of push and pull. But the past year, there wasn’t any pushing, only pulling away.  

He honestly didn’t know where it had all gone wrong. Okay, so he did.  

Jealousy, immaturity, insecurity, Ginny’s goading, Lavender’s sudden attention, Quidditch fears and Quidditch glory; it had been a toxic cocktail.

They were back on good terms finally. Near death experiences tended to make people forget pettiness.  It was nice to know that they could never really be angry with each other. He never doubted her being there when it counted. He hoped she thought the same.

But that was part of the problem...he didn’t know what she thought...of him. He could read her moods like the back of his hand, could tell when she was angry, moody, stressed. He knew how to piss her off like nobody else. But he hadn’t quite worked out how to make her happy.  

He had just begun to realize that was what he wanted to do, possibly, probably, definitely more than he wanted anything else.  

Denial had long been his picked poison when it came to his feelings for Hermione, but now, now he didn’t want to hide them anymore. But there were a million reasons he had to.

There were a lot of things unsaid. It didn’t make sense to say them now, not when the whole world was at stake. If they lived, there would be time to say it all. But of course, that was a very big if.  

“Hey,” she said with the smallest of smiles. He returned her smile and came to sit beside her.

“Where’s Ginny?” he asked. “Mum and Dad are going to be in Hogsmeade in an hour.”

“She’s down at Hagrid’s...with Harry. I think she wants to spend as much time with as she can.”

Ron nodded and then shook his, not needing that particular image in his head. Harry had been his best friend for the better part of six years, but still there were just some things one didn’t want to imagine about their little sister.

“How are you?” he asked. “I mean, really?”

Hermione shrugged. “Fair,” she responded. “It’s a lot to do. A lot to plan. I’ll be coming to the Burrow next week.”  

“So soon?” he asked. Not that he minded. But Hermione usually didn’t come to the Burrow until the last week of summer.  

“Yes,” she said rather quickly and he got the distinct feeling that there was something she wasn’t saying. “Is that all right?” she asked, brown eyes searching his.

He turned red. “Of course. Of course, it’s all right. I just thought that maybe with everything that’s going on, you’d want to spend more time at home...with your folks.”

Hermione shrugged. “With everything that’s going on, I'd love to never leave home. But that’s not really an option, is it? No use in prolonging the inevitable.”

“Have you thought of what you’re going to tell them?”  

Hermione didn’t answer for a long moment and then just shook her head. “I don’t know how to have that conversation. But in any event, have you thought of what you’re going to tell Mrs. Weasley? That's the real dangerous one, isn’t it?”  

Ron, despite his worry and trepidation, laughed. “You’re right about that one,” he said with a grin. She grinned back and for a moment, everything was okay.  

“We’ll be okay, Hermione,” he told her with confidence he couldn’t quite justify.

She scoffed slightly. “You sound certain.”  

“Well, you’re coming, aren’t you?”  

She smiled, the first one he could remember seeing that reached her eyes in a long while. Then he remembered his conversation with Slughorn.

“I went to speak to Slughorn,” he said. “To see if he knew anything that could help us.”

Hermione frowned at that. “Ron, we’re not supposed to tell anyone! You could put him in danger.”

Ron rolled his eyes. “Hermione, for Merlin’s sake, Harry already told him something. And in case you didn’t notice, all of us are already in fucking danger.”

Hermione bit her lower lip and exhaled loudly, the way she always did when he was correct and she didn’t want to admit it. “Well, what did he say?” she asked finally a long pause.

Ron proceeded to say tell her the gist of his conversation with Slughorn. Although, he left out the part of the instructions for Actuscaria. There were some things he just didn’t feel comfortable talking about. Not with her.  

Besides, Hermione being Hermione, she would, at some point, look up the recipe anyway.

“Basilisk venom,” she said once Ron had finished his story. “Where on earth are we going to find Basilisk venom?”  

Ron thought for a moment. “I know where. Come on,” he grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. They had no time to waste.

He dismissed the way his heart was beating as nerves and anticipation and not having anything to do with the way her hand felt in his. No, that had nothing to do with it at all.  

They stood there for the briefest of seconds, hand-in-hand, eyes searching into another and for a second, the never-ending fast-fowarding tape that had been their experience at Hogwarts seemed to pause.

But that moment, like all moments akin to it, ended too quickly.

“We’ve got to hurry,” Ron said blinking rapidly, breaking the intensity of their eye contact.  

“You mind telling me where we’re going?” Hermione asked as they raced down the steps of Gryffindor Tower.

“Girls’ lavatory on the second floor.”

“What?” Hermione asked as she ran beside him, their hands still tightly clasped. 

“Chamber of Secrets,” he said in a hushed whisper though the halls were nearly deserted.

They got there in record time. Ron had never known it to be so easy to sneak around Hogwarts. Without Dumbledore’s presence, nothing felt safe.

He didn’t like that feeling. Hogwarts’ had been his family’s home from home for centuries. Despite everything he had been through in his six years there, he had never felt truly, truly at risk.

Of course, the Ministry would do everything they could to keep everyone safe. But if he was going to judge by the stories Bill had told him about the early days of the First War, he wasn’t exactly filled with confidence.

But now wasn’t the time for his fears to get the better of him.

He gripped her hand tighter as they entered into the bathroom and found themselves facing the row of sinks.  

He felt for the Snake-shaped clasp hidden since Tom Riddle had walked these halls. It felt weird doing this without Harry, he had to admit. But he had a feeling had things were going to get dicey, Harry would need all the help he could get.  

“How do we get in?” Hermione asked curiously.

“Parseltongue,” Ron said as he thought back to the last time he’d been there. Parseltongue always sounded creepy and disturbing to him, but Harry mumbled it a lot in his sleep. Ron had only picked up on it subconsciously, but he hoped he had enough not to botch it.

The whispery, slithery words felt unnatural and harsh on his tongue, but it worked. The tap began to move and Hermione gasped in awe.

“Oh, my god,” she whispered as the tunnel to the Chamber of Secrets opened.

“Come on,” he said. “We’ve got to jump,” Ron told her. “You may want to hold on.”

Hermione peered down the tunnel, eyes wide. “Hold on to what?” her voice was highly confused.

“To me,” he said motioning to his shoulders.  

“Oh,” a blush crept across her face and Ron pretended he didn’t notice as he fought his own burning cheeks. Her arms wrapped around the top of his chest and he prayed that she couldn’t feel his heart beating, though he knew it was pounding.

Her little hands clasped around him, delicate and dainty but he knew what damage those hands could do. The contrast simultaneously amused and aroused him. But he shook himself of those thoughts. Focus, focus, she’s only a girl.

But of course, even as they jumped down the tunnel, he knew he was kidding himself. She was The Girl. The Girl He Wanted, The Girl He Needed, The Girl He Loved. Love?  

It seemed so foreign, yet as they whooshed down the tunnel, he could think of no reason to dispel it. He loved her. When the fuck had that happened?

It was unsettling to be with the notion of love as they were sliding down a dark, creepy dangerous tunnel in preparation of an even more dangerous mission where the best-case scenario was if they won, they most likely be dead as a result.

They slid down the tunnel and Hermione rapped his shoulders tighter as their speed increased.

Ron cast a silent Cushioning Charm because the memory of barreling into hundred thousand mouse skeletons was far from his favorite thing.

They landed with a thud and Hermione’s hands instantly left Ron’s shoulders. He was surprised by how instantly he felt the loss of her touch and how much he longed for it again.

“Oh, my God,” Hermione said as she looked around. There was rubble, dust and ash everywhere.

“We’ll have to bombard our way through,” Ron told her pulling out his wand. “Three tons of rock dropped last time, so let’s be careful.”  

Hermione nodded and pulled out her own wand. “I’m right behind you,” agreed with a grin.  

He took her hand in his. “If we need to make a quick exit, Side-Long Apparation?”  

She nodded and they pressed forward until they reached the Chamber Door.

Another round of Parseltongue from Ron later, the door opened and they found themselves in a room which they had only heard about secondhand from Harry and Ginny.

“Do you have any idea what you’re saying?” Hermione asked as they entered the Chamber.

Ron pulled a look. “Are you serious?” he asked. “Yes, I've spent my free learning the secret language of psychos.”

“Not all Slytherins are evil, Ronald.”  

“Name one you like.”

He had her there. She gave no answer and merely shrugged.

They both paused when their eyes fell upon the basilisk skeleton.

“Bloody hell,” whistled Hermione as she took the whole thing in.

“Hey don’t sweat it. It's dead. We’ve got living monsters to worry about. What's that Shakespeare quote you always say, ‘Hell is empty and all the devils are here’?”

Hermione stopped dead in her tracks. “I said that once three years ago. You remember that?”

Ron colored slightly and shrugged in reply. “I guess. Let’s get the fangs.”  

He started to kneel down, reaching to grab a fang.

“Ron, wait! We should remove those with magic. What if you accidentally scratched yourself?”

Ron had jumped back at her words. “Oh, right. Brilliant, you are.”  

She smiled at that and pulled out her wand. They carefully magically removed twelve basilisk fangs from the remains of the vicious snake. Hermione conjured up a backpack for them to place them in.

“You know, Ron,” Hermione said as she zipped up the backpack. “This is going to be really dangerous what we’re doing.”

He nodded, as she rose to stand right in front of him. “Have you thought about it, if we don’t make it?”  

She nodded and then shrugged, though he thought he saw the beginnings of tears in her eyes. “I have. But it doesn’t really matter, does it? What matter is—,”

“Harry,” he finished for her. “Harry has to make it through. That's what the prophecy said.”

Hermione sniffled. “Harry,” she agreed. “God, if I had known that we may not be coming back next here, that we may not be coming back at all, I would’ve done so much so differently.”

He looked at her for a long moment, wondering if she was talking about what he thought.  

He looked down at his shoes. “Me too,” he began rather meekly. He lifted his face to meet hers again and smiled. “I think about all that time I spent worrying about Quidditch. Like that matters now.”

“Ron, I’m sorry about the birds, if I never apologized for that before.”  

He grinned. He hadn’t been expecting her to say that. “Thanks,” he said honestly. “I’m sorry about...everything.” Although, he couldn’t remember what he apologizing for. But he figured it was best to cover the bases.

She chuckled lightly. “You don’t know what you’re apologizing for, do you?”  

He shook his head, amused by her ability to see right through him. “Not really, no. But I figured it couldn’t hurt. I'm sorry about Lavender.”  

She shook her head. “Don’t apologize,” she said. “It wasn’t your fault she fancied you. I just overreacted...a bit.”

He raised his eyebrows. “A bit?”

“All right, a lot. I just I can’t believe you fancied her.”

“Well, I didn’t...I mean not really.”

“Ronald, that’s horrible.”  

“I know,” he said somewhat guiltily. “It’s just she fancied me, and I guess I fancied that and before I knew it, it had gotten out of hand. Then you weren’t speaking to me—,”  

Hermione scoffed. “Oh, so you were trying to stick it to me by snogging her? Real mature, that is.”

Ron found his ire rising. “Oh, and just what the fucking hell were you doing with McClaggen, then? Research into the mind of right arrogant pricks?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t!”

“Well, I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t....” he trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence.

But Hermione was having none of that. “If I hadn’t what, Ronald?” she folded her arms and waited and he knew she would wait. Because the only person more stubborn that him was her.  

He knew he wasn’t about to admit to rational behavior, which is why he did not want to admit it.

“Ginnyutoldmeukissedkrum,” he said quickly and primarily to the floor.  

“What?”

He sighed. He didn’t want to have this conversation. But maybe, just maybe, now wasn’t the time to leave things unsaid.  

“Ginny told me you kissed Krum.”

Hermione blinked very fast for a few moments, the way she always did when she was thinking. She looked confused, then she looked agitated, then she looked annoyed. Very annoyed. At him.  

“You mean two years ago?” she asked her voice dripping with derision.  

His eyes looked at the floor again. “Well...yeah.”

“Let me get this straight: you started snogging Lavender because Ginny told you about me and Viktor?”

“Well, I started snogging Lavender because she started snogging me, but I can’t say that didn’t have something to do with it.”

Hermione shook her head and rolled her eyes. She raked a hand through her hair. “This is all so silly. You could’ve talked to me about that, you know?”

“I can’t talk to you about him,” he said honestly. “It makes me crazy.”

“Why?!” she exploded. “Why does it drive you so mad?”

“Because,” he snapped, just as heated. “Because,” he said somewhat more calmly once he saw the look in her eyes. “I just...it’s the thought of him with you...instead...instead of me.”

He hoped he didn’t look as crestfallen or as foolish as he thought he sounded. But he was sure he saw pity in her expression.

“Oh, Ron,” she said softly. She shook her head again and he knew she was thinking that he was an idiot. “You didn’t even know I was a girl back then.”  

He colored. “I did. I knew you were a girl. I just didn’t know back then that you meant something to me...as a girl, you know, not just a friend.”  

She blinked and her face lifted in kind of a smile. “It’s all right,” she said. “I understand.”

“You do?” he said, surprised.

She nodded. “I go red with rage when I think about you and Lav-Lav.”

“I noticed,” he said wryly thinking of birds pecking his flesh.  

“You know, all this could’ve been avoided if we had only spoken to one another,” she said with a resigned sigh.

He nodded. “You’re right. You're always right.”

“Not always.” She looked  

“You know if I had known if we weren’t coming back here next year, if we might not be coming back at all...I would’ve asked you to the Yule Ball. I would've gone to Slughorn’s Christmas Do. But in my defense, I didn’t know you were asking me out.”  

She raised her eyebrows, but he didn’t give her a chance to respond.

“I mean maybe I thought or maybe I hoped but it doesn’t matter. The point is if I had known how high the stakes were going to get, I would’ve done a lot of things.” He took a breath, not wanting the moment to pass. “Most of all, I would’ve done this.”  

He leaned forward, way, way, way forward, since compared to him, she was practically house-elf sized. He waited for her to stop him, waited for her to push him away or flee from the expanding closeness between them.

In the back of his mind, he didn’t know if he had the right to do this, after all, no admissions of feelings had passed between them. Then again, maybe when you knew each other as well as they did, words were a little less necessary.  

He kept leaning until their faces were inches apart. He could feel the blood rushing in his ears, his heart pounding dramatically.

His lips brushed against hers, softly, slowly asking a question. He thought he felt her gasp or shiver or something he couldn’t quite name. Her lips were soft and they tasted like honey. He pressed his against her lips harder, asking the question again.

She answered, her lips playing over his in return. God, he was kissing Hermione. And she was kissing him back. It was nothing like those lung-collapsing snog marathons with Lavender. It was soft and sweet and...intimate.  

He dared himself to be bold, there was no point in turning back now. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. She felt small and frail against him and a wave of protectiveness ran through his veins, barely reined in by his desire to keep kissing her.  

Her mouth opened and suddenly her taste was everywhere, on his tongue, in his mind, in his heart. Her hands clasped around his shoulders, bringing him deeper and he heard her moan slightly.  

That one, little breathy exhalation went straight to his cock. All the things he wanted to do to her rushed through his brain in a series of flashes. Suddenly his lips were on her neck, chasing the sound that fell from her lips. Her skin was feather-soft against his lips and all he wanted to do was mark it, claim it as his own.

His lips lingered on a spot underneath her chin which caused another raspy moan, louder than the one before to fall from her lips.

Ron felt himself harden, and they were close enough where he knew she could feel it. Something in the back of his mind told him to stop, but he couldn’t. He was addicted to having her in his arms, on his skin, and the sounds and shudders she made as he touched her. His lips sought hers again for another deep, nearly bruising kiss.

His hands began to roam up her waist, she shifted closer to him, her foot kicking the backpack. One of the basilisk fangs fell out and clattered to the ground.

That one sound snapped Hermione back into reality. She pulled her lips away abruptly. Her hands left his shoulders and she moved an inch away.  

Ron’s eyes shut open, afraid that he had gone too far, pushed past the limit. He waited for to say something. Waited for the inevitable heartbreak he knew was coming.  

“We can’t do this,” she said softly.

He instantly deflated but tried to hide it. “You’re right,” he said, hoping his voice didn’t sound shaky. “I’m sorry, I should have never. I didn’t mean to...take advantage of you and I can’t blame you if you want to slap me or hex me or send more birds but I've still got scabs from that so if you could lay off—,”  

“Ron, what are you talking about?” She looked up at him, confused. “You didn’t take advantage of me.”

They both blushed as the weight of their action sunk in.

“Soooo,” Ron tested the waters. “You don’t want to hex me?”

She laughed softly. “No, no, quite the opposite actually.”

He couldn’t help but beam at that. She placed a hand on his face, cupping his cheek. “We can’t do this...not now,” she quickly amended. “Right now, we don’t matter. The only thing that matters is—,”

“Harry,” interjected Ron. “The only thing that matters right now is Harry. Harry has to make it through.”

She dropped her hand from his face and matching sad, resigned smiles crossed their faces.  

“We could die,” Ron said briefly. He wasn’t sad, or even upset about it. He knew it was a fact.  

Hermione nodded. “We could. But that really doesn’t matter either, does it?” She shook her, frustration clouding her features. “You know, this year was a waste. When I think that we could’ve just...”

“Spent all year snogging,” Ron suggested for her. No use in beating around the bush anymore  

She rolled her eyes. “You did spend half the year snogging.”

Ron shrugged sheepishly. “Well, yeah, but she wasn’t you.” He enjoyed the smile on her face at his words.

“Are you scared?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Not of dying. I’m more scared of what’ll happen if we don’t win. But I was scared of dying before I lived.”

“You’re not anymore?” she seemed surprised.

“Nope,” he said with a rakish grin. “I’ll get to remember the last five minutes for as long as I live. So, if You-Know-Who pops my clogs tomorrow, that’d be all right.”  

She laughed. “You’re impossible.”

Ron grinned. “Yes, and you love me.” He had meant it as a joke, it was supposed to be a joke. But she didn’t laugh. She just stared into his eyes for a long pause.

When she did speak, her was clear and earnest. “I do.”  

He felt like he’d gotten hit with a Stunning jinx. But then she was staring up at him with her huge brown eyes, a hint of fear at the edges and he realized she was waiting for him to say something.  

“I do too,” he said quickly. She smiled and reached for his hand again, their fingers intertwined.

A long, sincere beat passed between the two of them. But it ended all too soon. “So, if we win and we don’t die,” she said an edge of humor. “Can I get one of your Weasley sweaters?”  

He laughed. “You can have them all.”

“And your Quidditch jersey?”  

“Let’s not get carried away,” he said, mockingly scandalized.  

They stared at each other again and All Ron wanted to do was kiss her again. He thought she was thinking the same thing too, but she looked away.

“We’ve got to go. Your parents will be ready to leave soon.”

He nodded. She was right. “Yeah, yeah, we should. Oh, I totally forgot. Slughorn said we should go to the Storeroom, pick out whatever we think we may need.”

Hermione went straight into Hermione mode. “Ronald, why didn’t you say so? We haven’t got all day, have we? Let's go!”  

She picked up the backpack, shrunk it down and stuck it in her pocket.  

“Ronald, come on!” she beckoned him forward and out of the Chamber.

Despite everything, the danger they were in, the uncertainty of the future, and the deranged, powerful psychopath who wanted to destroy everything he held dear, all he could think of was if and when he’d ever kiss her again.

Fireheart - Chapter 1

Okay, I guess I’m just gonna start uploading this here because the more the merrier, right? This is the third platform where I’m uploading this story lol But I just really want people to read, cause... That’s why I wrote it, to try make people smile (okay, and cry a little) and I’m in love with it <3

You can find many many chapters in Ao3  

So, first and foremost, thank you @fleetingpieces for believing in this story when it was just a random idea in my brain that went something like “OMFG! What if Celaena was in a world without magic and she had to attend HS?” And then I started babbling for like... an hour... and through it all, @fleetingpieces listened to my rambling and interjected with ‘ahs’ and ‘ohs’ and ‘aws’ and then told me I should really write this story because she wanted to read it... so... I better stop rambling and let you read it ;)

CHAPTER 1

Returning to the Living

She was so used to getting up at twilight and staying up all night, that being in the principal’s office at the early hour of seven thirty in the morning felt almost like torture. And Celaena Sardothien surely knew her fair share about torture.

“Good morning, Miss Sardothien, please come in,” the principal called as he signaled her in from the door of his office.

Begrudgingly, she followed him in as she stifled a yawn. She sat down in front of the old man, arranging her skirt and tucking in the front of the uniform’s white blouse.

“It is a pleasure to have you in our school,” the principal started. “I hope you settle quickly into the spirits of Adarlan Elite High, and to make sure of it, I have arranged for the president of the student council to give you a tour of the grounds. He was kind enough to come in early for this.” His voice was monotonous, like he was bored of speaking with teens all day, but he sounded stern at the same time, as if 'settling into the spirit' actually meant 'sticking to the rules'.

He had no idea that wasn’t going to be the case, Celaena had already broken more rules than most students, and she had yet to start her first day.

She heard the steps in the hallway before the door opened, and she turned around with her best smile at the same time as principal Allsbrook spoke again.

“Chaol Westfall, this is our new exchange student, Celaena Sardothien. Miss. Sardothien, this is Mr. Westfall, the president of the student council.”

If it wasn’t for all her training, her jaw would have fallen open; she knew him. The guy standing by the door wore his uniform immaculate and perfectly ironed, there was even that straight little line at the front of his dress pants. His white shirt was tidy and tucked in, his tie pulled almost all the way up; his chestnut hair was cut short on the sides and a little longer in the middle, styled with gel; and his copper-brown eyes were piercing into her, his eyebrows slightly lowered.

She was pretty sure he had recognized her.

“Morning, Celaena,” he said, smiling politely.

“Good morning to you, Chaol, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” she said in an effort to be polite back, if only to keep the charade of a good girl in front of the old man sitting at the desk. 

She hoped for the slight chance that he wouldn't remember meeting her a few weeks back, or that he didn’t recognize her with the small change of appearance. 

“Okay, off you go into the tour, I have plenty of things to do, and another student to greet soon,” the principal dismissed them with a wave of his hand.

Celaena followed Chaol out of the office, hoping that he wouldn’t mention the day they ran into each other in the secretary’s office. She hadn’t thought there would be any students in the school's grounds during holidays; but of course the nerd of the class had been there and had almost found her hacking into the school’s database. She had been fast, getting off the computer, jumping over the counter and seating in the waiting area just before Chaol had walked in the door. 

She had claimed to be waiting for the secretary, that there were some papers she had to hand in; and she hoped that’d been enough to fool him.

“So, why does a senior student transfer schools?” Chaol asked her after showing her around for a while. “Wouldn’t you want to graduate with all your friends?” 

“I transferred because I had to move here, and the reason I moved is none of your concern,” she quipped, not being able to repress the little hiss sound escaping her lips. There was something about the guy, he was already pissing her off.

“Interesting,” he muttered under his breath. “Well, welcome to Rifthold then,” he said as he led her towards a new hallway. “So, this is the cafeteria,” he pointed to a set of double doors at the end of the hall. “And the gymnasium is in the next building over, out that side door,” he added, gesturing to their right.

They walked around for a few more minutes while she pretended not to know the place like she knew the palm of her hand. She had meticulously studied the blueprint of the building, and had snuck in during the night a few times to get familiar with her new surroundings.

“That’s about it, you can ask around if you get lost,” he finished, looking at his wrist watch. “We should go now, or else we’ll be late for the first period, missing homeroom is enough. Let me see,” he added pointing at the schedule in Celeana’s hand.

She passed it over to him and Chaol looked at it quickly and smiled, but there was still an odd look in his eyes. She could tell he didn’t fully trust her; she’d had to work on that.

“We’re together for the first two periods, so follow me,” he said.

“Sure thing,” she replied, flashing him with one of her best grins.

They walked into the classroom, and Celaena was already calculating her odds. Would this be the type of school where they had you introduce yourself? She half hoped not, but a part of her hoped it was; it would be good to read people’s expressions from the front of the room. And she couldn't deny she'd enjoy the attention. 

She was only half disappointed when the teacher barely looked at her and nodded. “Oh, yes, one of the new students,” the guy said. He must have been in his late thirties, and looked a bit bored, but Celaena couldn’t help but notice how he glanced at her up and down quickly. “Just grab a seat wherever you want,” he brushed her off.

She analyzed the room and decided to sit around the middle, but to one side, so she’d have the security of the wall to her left, and the gossiping girls sitting to her right. She could already hear their whispers and see their eyes turning her way, heads close together as they talked. 

“Oh my God,” one of the girls was saying, “I think she’s got potential for prom queen.” Her voice was a little too loud to be considered a whisper.

“Shush, she can probably hear you! But you’re right, she’ll be good competition for Lysandra. Do you reckon she’ll join the bees? Looks like the type,” the second one replied.

Lysandra, she saved that name into her brain. Probably the queen of this school; pretty girls normally meant trouble, so she’d better keep her eyes and ears on that one.

“Have you seen the new junior already?” The first one asked after a few more hushed whispers. Celaena leaned on an elbow closer to them, pretending to look at the front while she eavesdropped.

“I haven’t, but I’ve heard he’s to die for!” 

“He’s really tall and handsome." Celaena rolled her eyes at that. "I hope I have some classes with him…. Do you know what his name is?”

“I think it’s Samuel.”

“Okay, attention class,” the teacher interrupted.

Celeana was glad for the interruption, she had had enough of the girls' gossip for the moment being, and she hoped her school year wasn’t going to be all like that. That is, if she even got to the end of the year. Gossip was a good source of information, but it was also unreliable, and annoying. 

The first few classes went by fairly quickly, she sat to one side of the classrooms, interacted with a few students, and mostly listened to what everybody had to say about her and the other new student. Not many dared approach her, she must have looked as grumpy as she felt due to the lack of sleep. A few had said hello and introduced themselves, and she had filed every face and every name she could into her memory.

It was after her third class, while she was leaving some books in her locker, that she finally ran into him. Or most likely, that he found her.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he said in a mocking tone, standing behind her.

She turned around and glanced at the hallway, making sure that there were not many people around and that no one could hear them. 

“I still don’t know why you’re here, but just stay out of my fucking way, Cortland! Don’t ruin my plan,” she yelled under her breath, looking around to the few people still lingering in the hall.

“You know perfectly well why I’m here, and I can't get in the way if I don't even know what your plan is," he hissed, and then he popped a hand against the locker, boxing her in.

Celaena wasn’t unaccustomed to him being so close, but his simple presence could still piss her off.

“Yes, I do know why you're here,” she replied with a huff. “It's because Arobynn doesn’t fully trust me after the... incident,” she finished, trying not to think about that night. "But I don't know why he'd trust you," she added, narrowing her eyes and almost spitting the last word out. 

She pushed his left hand off the locker in one quick motion, almost making him stumble. He had probably been expecting the move, as he shifted the weight to his right foot and popped his right hand on the other side of her head instead.

Sam Cortland looked at her with his brows tucked together, his face merely inches away from hers. It looked like he was going to keep arguing, he opened and closed his mouth. He looked hurt for a second, and angry, but then he turned around, looking ahead into the now empty hallway. The first bell had rung already.

“I’ll be around if you change your mind,” he replied over his shoulder before walking away.

“Asshole,” Celaena breathed as she closed her locker and walked quickly to her next class. She didn’t need the kind of attention that being late to class would give her, especially not for the class she was heading to... Especially not when she was about to see Aedion for the first time after nine long years.

She made it in time, and entered the room just before the teacher called the attention of the students. Celaena was glad for it, as she saw Aedion eyeing her when she walked in. She had to concentrate not to look at him directly as she made her way to the back of the class, where he would have to turn around if he wanted to look at her again. 

Once she was in her seat, she let her long golden hair fall as a curtain to the side of her face, covering her from Aedion’s turquoise eyes. He was sitting only two rows in front of her to the right, and she had a perfect view of his profile. 

“Welcome class, I hope you’re enjoying your first day so far. I’m Ms. Doranelle and I will be your math teacher for this term,” the short woman at the front said. She proceeded to write her name on the board and asked them to open their textbooks on page 15.

As soon as the lesson started, Celaena tucked her hair behind her ear, and looked at Aedion more closely. She had to admit, he had grown into a fine young man. He had broad shoulders that filled in the school’s jacket nicely, and his blond hair was only a shade lighter than hers. Celeana could tell he spent a lot of time in the sun, as his skin had a slight shine to it, same as his hair. She looked at her own hands, her ghost pale skin so opposite to his, and wondered if her skin would acquire that golden tan too if she started spending more time outdoors during the daytime. 

She’d probably find out soon.

“Celaena, what’s the answer to question five on the textbook?” Ms. Doranelle asked, probably catching her daydreaming.

She let her hair fall back onto her face, and read the question quickly.

“Twenty five,” she replied immediately, trying not to sound too cocky. 

A bit surprised, the teacher raised her thick eyebrows at her, but then nodded.

“Yes, that’s right… Just, don’t get distracted,” she added before continuing with the lesson.

As she looked to the right, Celaena caught his eyes. Aedion Ashryver’s turquoise eyes were just as she remembered them; but she didn’t really need to remember, because they were equal to the ones she saw in the mirror every morning. The golden ring around his pupils was visible even from a few seats away, and Celaena was glad she had chosen to wear brown contacts, since to anybody paying only a little attention, it would have been so obvious that their eyes looked alike.

Aedoin squinted his eyes, as if trying to figure out if he knew her from somewhere. Looking away would be suspicious, so she held his gaze, little snippets of memories coming back to her.

She remembered the two of them running around her parent’s yard back in Terrasen, playing tag; kicking each other under the table during the ostentatious business banquets, and being told off for it. She recalled Aedion curling up on her bed during a sleep over because she had had a nightmare; and him fighting with some bullies in primary school after they had pulled on her braids. 

And her last memory, that of Aedion hugging her goodbye before moving away from Terrasen when his father had been transferred to run the company in Rifthold. That had been barely a few weeks before the accident, before her whole life had come crashing down. She had been so excited for the visit, thinking she’d finally be reunited with him.

But it was all so different now, and none of that mattered. Neither of them were the kids they used to be, they were strangers now. And as Aedion Ashryver looked away, Celaena Sardothien kept her eyes on the back of his head, thinking how she would find out the truth, and take her revenge. She was sure he wouldn’t be an obstacle, he was merely a suspect. 

Here’s my version of Celaena for this fic, with contact lenses and all <3

----

Annnnd that’s it for today!! All comments and forms of love are highly appreciated, we writers live on coffee, sugar, and lovely comments in case you didn’t know <3

I will do my best to remember and update this often! How often? Not sure yet, maybe 3x week? 

a thank you from an unburning lion secondary, with faulty bird model

I’m the lion primary who was doubting itself and who talked their way in your anon box to understanding themselves. You were pretty comprehensive and it was nice to really notice we share primaries xD One thing shocked me and left me O_O was at the end, when I left that commentary about bullies (my school knew me both for my excellent notes and my fights both bcs i couldnt left a situation alone) and you said, wow and a lion secondary.

i was shocked. Like I say this and I remember my earlier years and the problems I’ve always have talking with people and it’s my bluntness and lack of attention to others feelings which had always have my mother scolding me after going out with her or talking with friends or telling her about any interaction. Same with my father. And then I stopped. I started reading, I fell for fanfiction and manga, and lost my childhood friends bcs I coudn’t relate to them, and during all of HS until my second year of university I was so so alone. 

And I didn’t speak out about my feels. I still don’t. Not to my family not to anybody. I felt so guilty, because once upon a time I did whatever I felt and then I learnt that being so intelligent, and open about my feelings and my life was unsensible to people, and then I learnt (justly so I think) that I shoudn’t act without thinking about others. 

But I feel somewhere in the way, I started feeling guilty of being myself. I learnt I’m too much for people. Now I over-analyze every interaction I have; have i overshared anything? Did i let the other talk and express themselves? I do it before taking charge in a group assignment or outing bcs I internalised that they don’t want it, that I’m being annoying reminding them of the tasks or the things we should be doing. 

You need to sweet-talk people, and I’m bad at it and although sometimes it can be funny most often is just plain tiring. And I’m the first surprised when someone is direct about anything. I like so much, so much learning about things, I feel deep inside the correct way of approaching problems should be to consider them from every angle, analyze the facts and the feelings they provoke and then come up with a good solution; I write and I want to investigate everything before starting any story but I’m completely unable to do so. Same with my studies, same with people. 

And then I wing it and it results so much better and it’s frustrating. People say: you’re so good at this, you must study/dedicate so much time to it. And I just do enough to get an intuitive understanding of the concept and then improvise, and I feel like a fake. 

When I have time and I’m methodical, it’s satisfying (better for memorising and studying languages too) but the truth is that I function better when I hit the ground running. I think this society doesn’t like lion secondaries very much unless you’re a shit man. Then is suddenly comprehensible if not appreciated. So I picked a faulty model bird because it’s useful, right? And i like it from time to time.

But I feel like the idea people have of me, about how I act is all bird and it’s stiffling but I let myself go and don’t act in my feels or my thougths because there no reason at all to be myself and I watch myself writing this and wow. Suddenly my mother is telling me why am i not as outgoing as when i was young or my new friends are surprised because my personality changes. Like an onion: outwardly I don’t care about anything, then you discover I’m very intense about lots of things but very nonchalantly (I left clues and you have to pick them, bcs I’m not verbalising you know?), then you never know what I feel about those things except for whatever observation you’ve made. You just know the loudness. My mother tells me I never talk to her about myself, but still she knows how to pick what I feel about people and situations bcs I’m that obvious I guess.

But she was who taught me to think twice bcs nobody wants to feel stupid or wronged (neither do I, I understand). My father never liked who I was; why wasnt I more social, more normal, why did I have to be so strange so openly. (It’s mostly I’m half-sure I fall somewhere in the lower gifted range + maybe some neurodivergence, but in my country they don’t adapt nor care for above average students and a test sounds ridiculous and attention seeking and too expensive when I do fine right now.) 

Can��t deny the lion, but I never talk. Except on internet anonymously. Bcs contradictions are funny and you’re really kind. Again, about the start of this megapost. It was so surprising when you saw directly through that ask to the secondary, that I teared up. Yes, yes, that’s who I am why hasn’t anybody told me it’s ok to be sincere and direct? Why?

I was toying with bird and snake but those are covers. Trying to perform snake when I’m uncomfortable or I haven’t got familiarity with the people and bcs it’s improvising it’s easier, and model bird when I can with all knowledge I don’t even notice I have aquired reading what amounts to tons of wish-fulfilling fantasies. Like. It’s posible to burn a secondary? Bcs I think that’s what’s happened to me. And I’m trying little by little to recover that trust in my actions because I know I’m better that way, that I feel good being direct about things but I’m so afraid of others… Perseverance though!!! 

This sorting system has helped me see that, more than astrology. Mostly, these last years i had a wrong feeling about myself. I think this helped articulate why. This so maudlin omg xD But you received well my semi-creepy murderous self-isolating primary post so. Sorry again, and thank you.

PS: love to anybody who has ever felt like me. Also, mom is def a badger primary, now that i think about it. She really, really likes working with people, meeting with friends, helping them etc. ended up teaching yoga. She is super direct too, so maybe we share the secondary... which is rich, but also why I think she is also strict that sense. Thinking she doesn't want to see me suffering like her + why i frustrate her when i retreat into myself too. good old projection. THE END XD

My dear Lion ~ 

You sound like me. And yes, you will be “too much” for some people. But I promise you. There will be others who love you for exactly that intensity. Putting masses of planning and up-front effort into something doesn’t make the end result any better. I’m a badger secondary, that was a tough realization to have. And it’s okay to be afraid. But you seem on top of this. You’re going to be okay. 

(also, your English is fantastic. Really, really nice use of the word “maudlin.”) 

Good hunting ~ WL

Survey #334

"i dreamed i was missing  /  you were so scared  /  but no one would listen,  ‘cuz no one else cared”

Sunrise or sunset? Sunset has prettier colors, imo, but I enjoy the pastel nature of sunrises, too. Are you mentally ill? Oh brother. Are you physically ill? I don't have any serious physical health issues, no. Introvert or extrovert? I'm a very strong introvert. What do you think when you look at your body? That it's fucking disgusting. What have others said when they look at your body? When I was healthy, I was complimented every now and again. With the body I have now? I'm glad people keep their months shut. Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply? There's a good 'ole handful or two. Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive? It's weird, I'm not a city person at all, but possibly when I was walking the streets of Chicago with Sara and her dad one evening. There was just so much life, so many new sights, that it was impossible not to. Plus, I was at a very happy point in my life, so. I just enjoyed a lot. Are you confident wearing a bikini? FUCK NO. Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member? Mentally, obviously. Everyone has at some point. I've never been seriously physically hurt by family, but Mom did spank my sisters and me as kids if we did something wrong. Biggest lie you have told? I don't really know. I get really uncomfortable telling even minor lies, so making a big one would be excruciating. I'm not saying I've never said a biggie, I'm sure in 25 years of life I said something stupid at one point, I just don't remember it. Do you believe in the Illuminati? Nah; there's some compelling evidence, but I just think it's way too big of a secret to keep. Regrets in your life? Blaming the breakup entirely on Jason and saying just plain cruel things to him afterwards. Also sending an appallingly hateful letter to Dad to vent after the divorce. Flirting with my then-best friend's boyfriend at the time behind her back. Dating Tyler (it's a small one, but still a regret). There are others, those are just the only ones coming to me right now. Achievements in your life? Lots of academic success and awards (before college, anyway...), artistic accomplishments like having my work put in a museum, surviving a traumatic breakup, (mostly) recovering from massive depression... What did people say about you in school? Nothing, really. I was a quiet student who just did her work and tried hard. Is there something you have never told anyone? Yes. If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it? First, I'm paying off college debt. Then Mom gets a new car, followed by me getting new glasses and renewing my permit. I'm getting a good terrarium setup for Venus. Then, it's tattoo time, baby, haha. I can't really do the mental math on how much this all would cost, but those are the high-priority things I can think of. Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined? Jason and I were playfighting in bed, and he had me pinned. Our faces were close, and I decided to kiss him. It was a fairy tale moment, in my eyes. He looked so bashful for once (he's far from shy) but also really happy, and I was too. Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household? Low, I think. Or maybe average, when Dad was still around. Have you been raised by a solo parent? When I was around 17, my parents split, so kinda-sorta. Do you know both your parents? Thankfully, yes. Have you abused drugs or alcohol? No. Are you comfortable accepting compliments? Ehhhh, I really appreciate them and they can make my whole day, but I'm very awkward about it. I get shy. Are you comfortable giving compliments? Oh yes. I honestly love giving compliments; I know how happy they can make me, so why not share that with others? Is any mental illness hindering your life? Guess. (: Is any physical illness hindering your life? Well, it's not an "illness," but the muscles in my legs have severely atrophied from leading such a horribly sedentary lifestyle, and that has greatly affected my ability to work without the risk of just collapsing. Walking at all is painful. Are you preparing for an apocalypse? No. I'm not really one to worry about "prepping." If it happens, it happens, man. I'm not spending loads of money on a "maybe." Are you interested in cults? Not really, no. Are your parents good cooks? Mom is fine, but it's hard to really judge Dad's cooking since he barely ever did it, plus I haven't had his cooking in many, many years. I remember he was great at making breakfast, though. That was like a rare treat, him deciding to make breakfast for everyone. Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Did you like it? No. Do you know anyone who is an actor? No. Have your wisdom teeth come through yet? They never did. Have you ever used a public pay phone? No. Have you ever made an item of clothing? No. Have you taken someone's virginity? No. Is confidence cute? "Confidence, yes. But cockiness and arrogance, no. That’s a whole different area that’s definitely not cute." <<<< Nailed it. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Doubt it. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No; rather, I drink too much of it. I'm trying really hard to lay off of it, and I drink nowhere near as much as I used to (when oddly enough, I was healthy and fit), but I'm still not comfortable drinking a can and a half a day. Listening to? "Castle of Glass" by Linkin Park. Kinda obsessed. Ever used a bow and arrow? No, but archery is cool. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I don't think this has happened since my senior shot in HS. Take a vitamin daily? Daily, no, but I really should. I take a Vitamin D capsule every Sunday, though. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I only really like "Love Story" and "Picture to Burn." Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah. Which are better: black or green olives? I don't like olives period, but I guess black. What’s your 3rd favourite animal? Huh, never thought of #3, just #1 and #2: meerkats and opossums. Maybe snakes? Do you like mushrooms? NO. NO NO NO. What dream do you remember most vividly? One I don't talk about. A childhood nickname? Mom called me "Twinkie" and still sometimes does. ;-; Does anyone in "real life" know that you take surveys? Would you be embarrassed if they found your blog? Just Sara. And yes, regarding some people. Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Did you have an argument that lead to that happening? I'm unsure, but probably. I don't tend to just like... randomly block people. What was the first social media account you remember signing up for? Are you still a member of that particular website, if it even still exists? Of course it was MySpace. It's still floating around somewhere in cyberspace. What website from your childhood/teen years do you wish still existed? I get nostalgic over the Animal Planet forums sometimes. Have you ever met up with anyone in real life that you first met via the internet? Did you get on as well as you thought you would? Yes, Sara. I felt like it would go just fine, but it went even better than I expected - I was oddly very comfortable around her and her family. Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? Are you a fan of things like that in general? Yeah; I tried many brands until I settled for Equate, surprisingly. Cheap does not equate to bad quality, my friends. We always have the chocolate ones in the house, and they're really not bad at all. Are you the kind of person to enjoy taking naps? I love me my daily nap, man. What's your favourite kind of cheese to have on a pizza? Idk, whatever cheese is normally used, lol. What's a hobby you loved when you were younger but no longer enjoy for whatever reason? I guess video editing. I can't say I'd no longer enjoy it at all, but now the idea sounds far more like a chore than fun. Is there a popular food/drink that you can't stand? What is it and why don't you like it? I could name five dozen, but here's just a few: coffee, pie, tea, fried chicken (or is that just a Southern thing to be obsessed with?), and... of course now that I'm asked this question, I'm blanking on the huge number I know exist. As for "why," that varies, but it's either just simply a taste or even a texture thing. How would your wedding boquet look like? I want a gothic-themed wedding, so imagine a mix of black and maroon roses... whew-wee. You’re at a bar, and you witness a man drugging some girl's drink. What do you do? No hesitation, I'm decking the motherfucker. Fuck my fear of men, he's getting knocked out, and I'm immediately alerting the staff, as well as of course the girl. Kids? How many? Why? Names? Boy or girl? Y'know, loads and loads of scaly and hairy ones. Got plenty of name ideas depending on what they are and how they look. The only baby whose gender matters to me is the tarantula because females live waaaay longer. Fuck them human babies, not for me. Are you an organ donor? Absolutely. I sure as hell ain't usin' 'em once I'm dead, so consider it my last act of selflessness. Whats the most you’ve ever lost gambling? I don't gamble. What is something you can never give up (that's not love or family)? My pebble from my "graduation" from my first partial hospitalization program. It's meant to symbolize how great pain and trials can file you into something beautiful. It was passed around group, everyone holding it in their hands as they wished me well and spoke their piece about me. I'm honestly just fighting back tears remembering it. Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No, I'm way too impatient for that shit.. Do you think having an expensive phone is a good investment? Hm. I guess it depends on what you use it for. Have you ever witnessed a birth in person? A human birth, no fucking thank you. I've only ever seen pet cats give birth. Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad does, big time. He quit drinking, but never quite managed to stay away from cigarettes. Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? Seeing as I grew up with outdoor cats that we couldn't afford to fix, pretty much all of our tomcats left for roving once they came of a certain age. Do any of your exes know each other? Juan and Jason know each other, Jason and Girt know one another as well, and Sara and Girt have met. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? I simply cannot fathom the belief that "dinosaurs never existed." Explain the fucking fossils, like come the fuck on. It's absolute denial in the name of religion. What was the very first election you voted in? This one that just passed, actually. What is one random fact about you? I want like 20 tarantulas but Mom says no. :( Do you spend a lot of time outdoors in the summer? Fuck no, I will do anything to stay inside in summer. Do you wear band tees? if yes, which one is your favorite? I love band tees, yeah. My Ninja Sex Party shirt is the most comfortable, but comfort aside, it's hard to pick a favorite. Possibly my Otep one, 'cuz the design is dope. Do you ever re-arrange your room? No. What season do you want to get married in? Fall. What is the highest name-brand thing you own? Oh god, I don't own expensive brand stuff. I guess the only exclusion would be my Cloak shirt, but even that's not like, mad pricey. What color GameBoy did you have as a kid? Red. What was your favorite GameBoy game? Maybe that Catz game? Even though the music was the most fucking obnoxious meowing ever lmao. What was the last compliment you remember someone gave to you? Who was it? It was this guy in my PHP group; my therapist surprised the fuck out of me by sharing with everyone my most recent poem (I trust him a lot, and he urges me to send him my art, so I've done that twice), and I nearly fucking died from cardiac arrest. However, this Nick guy, who's a poetry major, told me it was better than stuff he reads in his Master's program. I almost cried. Have you ever personally been friends with a stripper or prostitute? No, not that I'm opposed though or anything. If you have tattoos, which one that you have was the most painful? The one on my inner forearm. Have you ever actually met and talked to someone who’s famous? No. When was the last time you got a parking ticket for anything at all? I never have. Do you have any pets who will bite anyone else out there, besides you? No; Roman won't even come close enough to a stranger TO bite, haha. It's funny, he's so goofy and you'd guess outgoing, but instead, he's terrified of people he doesn't recognize. What’s your favorite type of sushi? I don't eat sushi. What’s your favorite patriotic song? Don't have one. Have you ever read a book about a character in a psych ward? No, and I'd really prefer not to because it would just drag me back to dark times. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? ^ Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you like soy sauce? omfg no What’s your favorite store to browse around? Morph Market. @_@ It's a hub for reptiles for sale, and I have my days where I just browse the ball python morphs for like an hour or so, haha. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend had? Christ, half my friends on Facebook are having babies, idr. I don't know who was the most recent. Do people normally say you’re a fast typer, or are you rather slow? I'm very fast. Have you ever been considered the "smartest person in school?" No; that was my friend Hannia. I'm pretty certain she would qualify as a genius. Her GPA was fucking incredible. Were you named after anyone famous or anyone on television? No.

I’m tired, angry and bored so here we go! A messy list of fucked up Public School Things that may or may not be a universal experience:

The Lunches were a mix of good and horrible:

I was usually fine with the lunches because they were pretty decent and, like, yay food! But looking back they were just, so wrong????

Like in my middle school lunches AND breakfast were a mess. I got food poisoning like once or twice from the breakfast and the lunch was pitiful. At one point they just stopped cooking the pasta and left a bunch of uncooked, powdery noodles in a plastic box like anyone was gonna grab them and be like “mm yes! my favorite! hard noodles!”. Like what the actual fuck.

The pizza was also in a box, none of the toppings were labeled so it was a gamble on what type you would get, and most of the time they were burnt. In HS the pizza was fine but it tasted fake as hell and I’m pretty sure they just took some rubber and put cheese on it.  

My HS lunches were better but even then it was just, really concerning how limited and odd the food was. Luckily we didn’t have to pay except for like cookies and stuff smaller than your hand that costs like $2 cuz they want to “promote healthiness” despite feeding us what is basically prison food.

The class sizes were horrifying: I’m sorry but what person can teach 30+ rowdy kids and be perfectly fine??? Not to mention this was the norm the whole day! Imagine grading all those papers, keeping track of every student, and making sure they all shut up long enough to teach. And that’s just for the teachers who actually care.

Like a class size should be a max of 20 with a few exceptions. Do you know how stressful it is for everyone involved? Not to mention, 30 kids was considered SMALL!! Some classes had 40, even 50 STUDENTS!!!! WHAT THE FUCK.

We never had enough books, or supplies, or anything. Usually by the half point of the year, half the books would be missing or destroyed and it was a mess. In HS the Drama and Music teachers had to deal with like, one class of 10-20, and then like 5 classes of 40-50(all mixed grades too). And you know what’s even more fucked up? There was only one of each teacher.

There was one drama teacher. Who btw deserves the world and legit cares about her job and students. I honestly hope she quit and went somewhere better. She had to put up with 40+ screaming kids, grade all of those assignments, deal with insult and harassment(she was plus-sized and white. So she couldn’t talk back, would get insulted, and more.The only white people allowed to be sassy in that school were funny white men that were laid back), and had barely enough supplies to get by.

There was one music teacher. Who also deserves the world and legit cares about her job and students. She had to deal with 40-50, almost 60+, kids. The majority of them being sophomores and freshman, with bits of seniors and juniors. She taught music, taught band, and organized events and performances. She is, I believe, the first and only music teacher in that school and that’s just so fucked up. Like imagine being one person and having to manage hundreds of students like that.

There was only one digital arts teacher but I have no idea what they did since you can’t choose what class you attend. I just know it was constantly crowded, never really applauded, and they weren’t involved in a lot of things.

Oh yes how could I forget the art teacher! Yeah no there was no art class that involved drawing and painting. Apparently that class was scrapped years ago and has now turned into a JROTC locker! :D Speaking of JROTC:

JROTC and Sports had too much support and that’s a serious problem:

Hey maybe it’s because I’m an art kid and I hate exercising(because every attempt to do so was met with laughter, humiliation, and the ridicule of my body even though I can’t control how my body grows and changes), but man did JROTC and sports(specifically football) have way too much attention.

We had not one, not two, but FOUR ENTIRE JROTC CLASSES! Classes training you to be in the military, specifically Air Force. Classes you HAD to take unless you wanted to be in gym(never had the class but from what I’ve heard, there were about 50-70 kids, mostly male, filling up that class and they didn’t do anything but play ball or whatever. All of course, taught by one guy).

Somehow this program had enough support for uniforms, 4 different classrooms, supplies, several teachers(all of whom were in the military at one point[they were chill except for the freshman teacher who called you a whiny baby for being in pain]), and more. 

Not to mention, every so often military people would come by with pretty pamphlets and fun little strength tests and have kids to sign up to newsletters and shit and ask them to join the military when they graduate so they can get free college and happy fun times!! :D

Football was given way too much attention, even over the other sports, and I absolutely hate it. Every month was about  football, football, football. So much money went into football, so much support went into football. Yeah yeah yeah follow your dreams or whatever the fuck they tell you on Disney Channel, but there was too much support on this one sport that involved kids breaking their heads open. 

Please please give me ONE valid reason why this irritating-ass sport had so much attention while art students, craft students, theater students, music students, students who want to work in literally any other field that doesn’t involve science or sports had to fucking scrape every tiny little chance they could from the crumbs that were left behind. PLEASE tell me why I had to join a completely different program that was hella exclusive and restricted to Juniors and Seniors that had a certain skill-level just to have a proper arts class while football players got a cool fancy bus, a shit ton of gear, and praise every single day(seriously their pictures and trophies were everywhere). 

Why is it that they get scholarships and full rides for throwing a ball around and bashing their brains open while I had to fucking destroy my hand and scramble around for some shit like $200 which I wouldn’t even get because I don’t have the skill to paint the mona lisa or whatever. Anywayyyy~

Hey what the fuck was up with the rules? Sorry kids but if you’re reading this, everything they tell you on tv about high school is a lie. Unless you watched the Dora the Explorer movie, then that was actually pretty accurate.

Hey is it weird we had metal detectors and legit police officers(who were armed) in our school? Is it weird that we had to wear plastic, see-through book-bags, that weren’t even given to us for free and were so weak that they had to get rid of that rule because they would break after like 2 months? Is it weird we were all stuffed into a nasty, sticky, pest-ridden, staircase right in front of the main doors in the morning because we weren’t allowed all the way inside for whatever reason unless it was for a club(i.e. sports)? Is it weird that we were all trapped in the lunch room by security guards because they didn’t want kids roaming the halls even though they already did? Is it weird we weren’t allowed to go to the bathroom and were always told “you should’ve went your last class” when your last class didn’t let you? Is it weird we weren’t allowed to use the bathroom and were always told that “you should’ve went during the transition time” even though the transition time was only 4 minutes and the hallways were so crowded that it’d be time for class by the time you’d get there?

Is it weird that when we were allowed to use the bathroom, all of the bathrooms were locked and only one on the other side of the school was open, and the majority of the stalls were broken? And they kept the bathrooms locked, even after school, because they didn’t want kids skipping class even though they still did?

Is it weird that if you didn’t have a belt(if you were male), or a part of your uniform, you would be prevented from going to class if there were no more temporary uniforms?

Is it weird that if one kid did something bad, the entire class would be punished and class time would be wasted and the point of punishment would be lost because the teacher wanted a taste of power or whatever?(hey one time in 8th grade, both classes had to stand in one long ass line for about half an hour because someone was talking and it was treated like it was a joke. this took up our breakfast time too)

Other Shit: One time my HS got like $20,000 and instead of using it to fix at least one thing, they wasted it on useless flatscreen tv’s and SAT “tutors” that taught us 3rd grade english & math, how to annotate(I swear to fucking god one more person try and teach me how to underline a motherfucking sentence---) and did absolutely nothing to help us. Meanwhile the football players were living like kings.

We had a strange assortment of teachers, ya’ll know about my junior and senior english teacher. But did I ever tell you about the freshman JROTC instructor? She was so much fun~ I remember one time!!! ooh this is a good one :DDDD!!!! that I was in so muuuuuch pain that I was crying and couldn’t move! and guess what!!!!???? ooh! ooh! guess! She called me a whiny baby and said I was overreacting!!!! omg? She was so right tho, I was totally overreacting to being in immense, insufferable, pain that no one even attempted to be concerned about~~ 

Oh here’s another good one: I used to cry a lot! It was horribly embarrassing and not fun~ I was either sick, on my period(which according to the multiple doctors I had to be rushed to, was normal and the intense pain was hereditary), or having an emotional breakdown~ This lasted from 5th grade to Senior Year of HS! :D

One time I was in a lot of pain, 7th grade I believe, and cried for a whole hour straight. What did my teacher do? Have me sit in class while everyone went to like social studies or whatever, talked with some teachers, and then complained about how I “cried and cried and cried for an hour straight” with no concern whatsoever. BTW the nurse was never there and even then she was kinda useless.

Don’t even get me started on the several times I was on my period and was actually screaming in pain and was still looked down on because a student screaming and hollering in pain is no cause for concern obviously~ Really surprising how a lot of the male teachers and staff were more concerned then the female ones, especially the science teacher who has a uterus, has multiple daughters, and the audacity to say I’m ~overreacting~. I’m so happy our teachers and schools have our priorities in order.

Note: If you’re horrified by this. Good. You should be.

More misc things: My HS had a shit ton of roaches, water bugs, and whatever those long disgusting things that walk around on the walls and fall off once you see them. Art meant nothing to them. Teacher sanity meant nothing, student sanity meant nothing. The principal was great and I blame whoever’s “funding” schools and working behind the scenes.  I know this was more about personal stuff, but like a lot of things like large classes, lack of supplies, lack of empathy from teachers, constant pests, horrible food, stupid rules that hurt us more than helped, really weird exposure to cops and military, and too much focus on one subject is super common in public schools and I really really want it to stop.

A little Crush

Summary: Baz’s little sister has a bit of a crush on Simon.

BAZ

Simon takes my hand as we walk up to my parents' house. We're supposed to spend the weekend here.

"Remember the first time we spent the weekend here?" says Simon

I grin, "Oh yeah, we were both so nervous,"

"It turned out great, didn't it?"

"Yeah," I say

"I can't wait to see you, siblings, I haven't seen them since last Christmas,"

It was true. We had always taken the time to come up when we had been students, but after graduation, the visits had lessened. I had spent the most recent Christmas with my family while Simon hs spent it with the Salisbury family, wanting to get to know his mother's family.

And then a lightbulb goes off in my head.

"Speaking of my siblings, I should probably warn you about Octavia," I tell him, "She has a bit of a crush on you. She might be a little too much,"

The twins are ten now, and Octavia has chosen my boyfriend to be her first 'admiration' crush.

It would be annoying if it weren't so adorable.

"It's probably not as a bad as you're making it sound," he says

I shrug, remembering the self-made poster of the Chosen One in her room, "You'll see,"

SIMON

The family greets us all usually, Daphne with hugs, Malcolm with shoulder squeezes and handshakes. Baz's siblings hang around and ask a million questions while their mother tells them to at least let s come inside.

So it's normal.

Until Octavia presents me with a bouquet.

It's not professional or anything. She probably picked out the overgrown ones from the garden, but still, I'm so surprised all I can do is stare.

Baz is snickering. Bastard.

"Um-are those uh- are those for us?"

"No silly, just for you," she says happily

"Oh well, uh thank you," I say, taking them from her, "They're very pretty,"

"Just like you," she says, with all the seriousness a ten-year-old can muster.

Baz lets out a snort. Mordelia looks like she's about to die of second-hand embarrassment. Malcolm and Daphne just shake their heads, looking amused.

Okay, so maybe it is as bad as Baz made it sound.

xxx

Octavia insists on sitting by me when we eat dinner. She shows me her sketches, some of which include me. I'm about to be very concerned when I remember the pictures that went around once the Mage was defeated. She probably just recreated one of those.

She also wants to take me for a walk through the gardens, but her father somehow convinces her not to.

Thank God.

She does, however, take me to her room and show me her poster.

It's big. I'm surrounded by light. And I have my wings and tail. Something I got rid of some time ago.

xxx

"You didn't tell me there was a poster," I screech

Baz is laughing,

"I thought it would be more fun of you found it yourself,"

I huff, "Your sister is obsessed with me,"

"Just a bit," he says, putting his arms around my waist, "What can I say. You have that effect on members of this family,"

I grumble bet let him kiss me.

"You're lucky I love you,"

xxx

"Hi Simon," says Octavia from behind me, making me jump at least a foot in the air.

"Oh, hey," I say, "You startled me,"

She giggles, "Oops. Sorry. Do you want to see the garden now?"

I shrug. Why not? I've been humouring her since yesterday.

I follow her through the garden to the back.

"This way," she says, gesturing to an alcove of trees.

As I step through, I nearly lose my balance.

There's a picnic.

Not a great one, but it's still there. There are some sandwiches and juice along with brownies from yesterday.

"A picnic," I say, "How nice,"

She nods and leads me to it.

We sit down, and she keeps talking about where hse got the sandwiches from and how she thought it would be nice to in his weather.

Okay. Something needs to be done.

"This is all very lovely Octavia," I say, "But can you tell me why you're doing this,"

"Because I like you," she says, "And we're supposed to do nice things for the people we like,"

And that sends a tendril of dread through me.

"Uh, where did you learn that?"

"Father and Mum and do it for each other. Mum made him a garden picnic for their anniversary because they were too busy to go out,"

Well, that's a relief.

"Look, Octavia," I say, "I'm glad you like me, and I like you too,"

She lights up at that

"But you understand that the way I like you is different than the way I like your brother. Or the way your parents like each other, right?"

She dims a little at that but nods.

"I just wanted to make you happy. That's what people do, right?"

Oh. This precious child.

"Well, yes," I say, "But again, maybe we can do different things. Next time maybe you could plan a family board game night with everyone. It always makes me happy to be around all of you. You and your siblings are all so fun,"

She looks thoughtful for a moment but then nods.

"Okay,"

I'm kinda proud of how I handled this.

xxx

Octavia does end planning a board game for our last night there.

It's fun. I hadn't lied when I told her that being surrounded by her family was great.

Eventually, the children are sent to sleep, leaving me, Baz and his parents.

"Well, Octavia seems to have calmed down," says Daphne

"Yeah," I say, "I talked to her,"

Daphne smiles and nods, "We're sorry. We tried to talk to her, but it didn't work. We figured that phase would pass,"

"And if it makes you feel better, it could be much worse," says Malcolm

"How?" I ask

"Well, the first time I stayed over at the Pitches, Fiona set my hair on fire,"

"No," I gasp out

"She did," he says, "Twice,"

"Oh, wow,"

"Yes," says Malcolm, "And Daphne's brothers always turn my shirts some unorthodox colour. The first few times it happened, they were still young, and I figured it was just a harmless prank. Except that we've been married for fifteen years and they still do it,"

"You could just put a defence spell on the shirts," says Baz

"Honestly," says Malcolm, "I'm too afraid of what else they would come up with. At least right now its just shirts,"

Daphne smiles, "Oh, come now. My brothers aren't that bad,"

Malcolm raises his eyebrows at her, and she sighs.

"Okay. Maybe they are,"

There are few small chuckles around the room before the tea is brought in,

As we're served, I feel Baz squeezing my hand. When I look, he's smiling at me.

It makes my heart feel heavy with joy.

xxx

Before we leave, Octavia gives me a big hug and a picture.

I'm a little scared as I look at it, but once I see it, tears come to my eyes.

She's drawn her family. Malcolm and Daphne are in the centre. The twins are sitting on the ground with their little brother. Mordelia is beside Daphne and Baz is standing beside Malcolm. Holding Baz's hand is me, complete with my wings and tail.

"It's wonderful," I tell her, "I love it,"

She smiles at me brightly. Like Mordelia, she might not have a dark enough personality to look like Baz's sister, but her smile certainly makes me feel warm.

not all porn is about degrading women it’s not all sex trafficking and if a woman or man or anyone wants to sell his or her or their body then it’s their choice you can have sex with anybody and it can be pleasant or a bad experience but just because there’s a camera it’s bad? if you actually looked at porn sites especially the ones about bdsm and intense scenes they speak to the actors at the end to ask how their experience was and they all had a positive one sex sells and people are consumers

Okay this is a lot and there’s only one punctuation mark so I’m gonna answer each point separately for my own clarity. Also included is your second, shorter ask.

1) “not all porn is about degrading women” I mean I guess there is gay porn. But seriously, the attitude surrounding porn speaks volumes otherwise. The way porn videos are described, the fact that domenstic violence and abuse are popular categories, the way pornographers speak about their performers off-set—and the biggest thing is that porn is, indeed, inherently degrading. It cannot not be degrading because the act itself degrades women (and men).

Porn reduces women to sex objects. (It also reduces men to sex objects. Basically everything I am saying in this post could pretty much go for men, too, but I feel as though the people who I tend to ‘look up to’ in terms of knowing their stuff about the porn community tend to have different attitudes towards male porn actors than female. I have seen, although I have not had the time to really look into it, the fact that oftentimes female porn actresses suffer abuses at the hands of their costars. I haven’t really formed my own opinion about that, and the specifically female experience of porn involvement is kind of gender specific, but like, I don’t think only male porn is any more acceptable than male-female or female-female.)

as I said, it makes women a means to an end. I believe that is always degrading, no matter what is happening. And because you say 'not always’, i think we can agree that at least the majority of porn is degrading to women. But later down in the paragraph you excuse porn by saying that it is a choice of the woman to act in porn [thus to be degraded]. But I think that the degradation of the act is not cancelled out by the fact that it is performed for money, and you think that a degrading act is acceptable if it is for money. I’m not making a value judgement on that, I’m just saying what I think the difference in our point of view is.

Also, how much 'degradation of women’ would there have to be in porn (as an industry, if you believe that there are 'non degrading’ pornos) for you to not want to support it anymore?

2) “porn is not all sex trafficking” First I have been remiss in not indentifying what sex trafficking is. I am someone who lives in one of the sex trafficking capitols of the US, and during my HS years a big sex trafficking development (I don’t want to be too specific) occurred which lead to all of the HS students in my area being given a lot of training and education on sex trafficking and the warning signs, etc. Sex trafficking is not being pulled off the street into a van and never seen again except in pornos. Like, I’m not saying that sex trafficking victims are not kidnapped because some are. But the majority are extensively groomed into it so that they 'consent’ to it. Some do it because they have been manipulated by their pimps, who might also be their 'boyfriends’. Some do it because when they showed up for a 'photoshoot’ they were raped on camera, and they are being threatened with the release of their 'sex tape’ and told they might as well become a pornstar anyway. Some do it because they or their families are being threatened. I just want to clear up that there is a ton of different ways women in the sex industry are trafficked, and that it is not as though all of these women were just pulled off the sidewalk and into porn. There are plenty of ways much more subtle than that to traffick a woman into sex work, and they are not readily apparent—or possible to identify at all, really—to the porn viewer. Anyway, just wanted to clear up. Onto my next point: can you guarantee that you have never seen a trafficked woman in your porn? If not, what is the acceptable number of trafficked women you would accept in your porn? What amount of trafficked woman would induce you to give up porn?

(Wow, only on the second statement. This is gonna be a super long post I guess. Sorry to all scrolling.)

3) “and if a woman or man or anyone wants to sell their body, then it’s their choice”I have mentioned that a lot of the time, it is not. And that isn’t something to take lightly, but I will not focus on it for too long since you do not appear to think sex trafficking is a big problem in the porn industry/a reason to not support the porn industry. But also, just because someone is choosing to perform an inherently degrading act (acting in porn) that doesn’t mean that the act it’s absolved of its degradation.

4) “you can have sex with anybody and it can be a pleasant or bad experience but just because there’s a camera it’s bad?”Porn is not two people having sex and a camera is there. Porn is two people who generally would not choose to have sex with one another recreationally, having performing porn (oftener and oftener, violent, humiliating, and 'hardcore’ sex acts being involved) specifically for pay.

Porn is not real sex. It’s showbiz. Granted, this is showbiz that can leave its performers diseased, injured, and with psychological trauma. The gruesome side of porn is all too real, but comparing it to real sex would be like comparing High School Musical to a real world high school experience. It is a visual product designed to create a reaction, not to simulate real life. And it is undeniable that over the years as more and more people demand and crave more and more hardcore porn, porn has only gotten farther and farther away from anything close to a depiction of 'real sex’. I only wish someone would tell that to the men who feel entitled to try to enact these gross fantasies out with their significant others, and for the women who feel as though they could never measure up to something that is literally not reality.

But you might want to retort with 'homemade’ porn, the conceit of which is a real-life couple engaging in recorded sexual activity either for themselves only or for a wider audience. Being a big fun-sucker, I don’t like those either. It is not uncommon for those videos which were recorded with the intention of never being made public to be made public, in acts of 'revenge porn’, and this would not be easy to tell to the porn viewer. And also, it still ties into the fact that by recording sexual acts to use for sexual gratification, the body is still made into a sex object, which I have said I think is inherently degrading. I don’t think people’s bodies should be used as objects, even if they are doing it to themselves. See my above point about consent not negating the problems with an action.

5) “if you actually looked at porn sites, especially the ones about bdsm and intense scenes, they speak to the actors at the end to ask how their experience was and they all had a positive one”

I am aware that this happens.

And yeah. They’re performers. The people asking this are the people who pay them. I’m sure for literally any organization, you could find a group of the people who rely on them for money and get them to say whatever nice things the organization wants about them. Surely you can see why every porn actor is under extreme pressure to agree that they had a good time with whatever happened during filming, not even mentioning the women who are sex trafficked (I know you think it is “not all” which I’m sure is technically correct, but you must agree then that they do exist) who have to agree that they had a good experience for reasons I’m sure you understand.

And every time, the experience is positive? Even when you yourself say, there are at least SOME trafficked women doing at least SOME degrading porn, every experience is positive?

All I’m saying is that this is an incredibly bad quality-control check. Even from the (false) assumption that porn itself is not bad, and only abuse or injury on-set are what can make an individual porno bad, then this is an obviously totally ineffective actual strategy for keeping the “bad” parts out of porn. This is just the flimsiest of excuses to allow people to justify the consumption of increasingly violent porn. And people grab onto that desperately to try to ease their consciences, even though I cannot honestly believe most people think that that’s actually an accurate way of telling whether or not a porn actor had a positive experience.

(Take this porn performer’s experience, for example. https://jezebel.com/porn-actress-nikki-benz-sues-mindgeek-brazzers-co-sta-1825143669 )

6) “sex sells and people are consumers”

You’re not wrong, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay. Just because people will consume something doesn’t mean that it should be consumed. I hate to be the 'slavery allegory’ person, but people really did used to buy slaves. (I mean, they still do in some parts of the world.) but “slaves sell and people are consumers”, while being an antebellum USA reality as much as your statement is a reality of 2019, does not actually mean either of the statements are making a value judgement. Just because the world is one way really, really doesn’t mean that that is at all okay. People kind of suck. The world kind of sucks. Morals are not decided by popular opinion.

Also, sex does not sell. What porn is selling is not sex. What porn is selling is, again, the devaluation and degradation of the human person. And yes, people consume that. And increasingly, it is normalized in society so that people feel othered for not doing it, so that girlfriends are mocked for not liking it, and it is laughed off as just a thing that men and women do. So more and more people consume that degradation.

On your next ask—

7) “How about porn categories that don’t degrade anybody?” See #1. It is not the acts performed in porn (though they are increasingly humiliating and extreme) which make it degrading so much as the fact that porn itself is degrading. To everybody.

8) “when it’s just regular couples having sex, is that wrong too?” Yes. See last paragraph of #4.

Here are the sources you asked for:How porn negatively affects the brain and sexual/romantic relationships:https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1559-1816.1988.tb00027.x^^ “After consumption of pornography, subjects reported less satisfaction with their intimate partners—specifically, with these partners’ affection, physical appearance, sexual curiosity, and sexual performance proper. In addition, subjects assigned increased importance to sex without emotional involvement.” The abstract.

https://profiles.nlm.nih.gov/ps/access/nnbckv.pdf^^ porn consumption made people place less emphasis on sex with emotional connection, less expectation of fidelity to a partner/from a partner and more accepting of affairs, no longer desire marriage or children, and thought more highly of male-dominated relationships. It also made people (men and women both) ascribe shorter prison sentences to rapists and to be less affected/moved by rape.

https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-affects-sexual-tastes/https://fightthenewdrug.org/why-consuming-porn-is-an-escalating-behavior/https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-affects-the-brain-like-a-drug/^^ porn is addictive and porn consumption becomes more 'hardcore’ and extreme over time.

https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-damages-consumers-sex-lives/#c11^^ porn is making people bad at 'real life’ sex (again, porn is not sex.)

https://humantraffickingsearch.org/the-connection-between-sex-trafficking-and-pornography/^^ the link between human trafficking and pornography, although there are many more articles which will discuss this, I will just link this relatively short one and the source for THAT one, http://www.prostitutionresearch.com/FarleyRentinganOrgan11-06.pdf^^ “In every country, almost half of the respondents said that they were forced to make pornography while enslaved in sex trafficking.”

picking flowers [sanha]

word count: 15.1k (get some snacks and get comfy)

warnings: mentions of suicide, mentions of bullying, minor depression (no main characters attempt or talk of suicide; no explicit mention of bullying)

author: mel

request: HEY can you do a HS au with Sanha where his crush -and classmate- looks like a cold girl but when she’s with her friend she’s like really funny person and he falls in love with her day by day… i don’t know its clear or not. I think i messed up 😂😂

extra info: kinda angst, mostly fluff. angsty fluff? fluffy angst?? also, i majorly condensed the ages in astro (mj and jinjin are in the same grade, bin and eunwoo in the grade below them, and rocky, sanha, and the reader in the grade below binu)

♡

To say that you were a good student was a bit of a stretch. It wasn’t that you were failing all your classes, you were just never one to get straight A’s all the time. You wouldn’t need Algebra for what you wanted to do.

And, to say that you were popular was also a bit of a stretch. It wasn’t that you were a hermit with no friends, you just didn’t get along with everybody. You didn’t need to be friends with a bunch of people.

Yoon Sanha, on the other hand, was a mystery to you. Almost your polar opposite. He was a straight-A student, was friends with pretty much everyone, and was best friends with the five most popular, attractive, and well-liked upperclassmen at your school. He himself was dorky, tall, gangly, and had just gotten his braces off. Everything popular media said would guarantee him to be bullied for all of his school days. But he wasn’t.

You didn’t resent him for not being bullied, it wasn’t his fault, and you weren’t bullied yourself. But your best friend, your only friend, was. And that, was something you could blame on Sanha.

Yang Jeongin and you became friends on accident. You were going to skip the second half of the school day to go down to the nearby river, and literally tripped on him. He was sitting outside, eating his lunch alone, because nobody would let him sit at their table. So you ended up staying that day, kind of taking him under your wing at school. He was one year your junior, and that combined with his propensity to cling onto you and not hang out with others brought the attention of a bully, Yoon Jaeha. It was a random Tuesday that had you and Jeongin hanging out together at the small outdoor quad before school. You were sitting on a bench, listening to a few new songs as Jeongin did some last-minute studying for his math test. This was really how you spent most of your time with him, doing your own things in proximity to each other.

In your peripheral, you could see a group of boys talking and laughing with each other. You knew who they all were, the popular, attractive, well-liked upperclassmen that had taken Sanha under their wing, much like you had done with Jeongin. Except Sanha was never pantsed in the middle of the halls, or body-checked after second period everyday, or taunted relentlessly whenever he was alone. Jeongin was.

His bully had thankfully learned that you would stand up for your younger friend, and only targeted him when he wasn’t with you.

“Y/N.” Jeongin groaned, slamming his book shut and catching your attention.

“Yes?”

“Can we skip today and go to the river?” “Aren’t you the one who always told me how important school was, and that I should stop skipping?” “I hate math.” “Me too, buddy.” You reached over to ruffle his hair. He swatted your hands away before fervently trying to fix it, “Y/N!” A cackle escaped your lips as you went to mess it up again, only making Jeongin more infuriated and eventually give up, “You’re impossible, Y/N.” “Now you sound like all my teachers.” You grinned, grabbing Jeongin’s book to open it back up for him again, and placed it on his lap. “I want you to do at least two more practice problems before first period, okay?” “Yes, mom.” He said mockingly, but did as you asked anyway. With a victorious grin on your face, you popped your ear bud back into your ear. And accidentally made eye contact with Sanha as he was glancing over at you. His face broke into a smile, probably thinking that your residual grin from interacting with Jeongin was a friendly smile directed towards him, and you quickly looked away. Shit he’s going to think you want to talk to him. Yoon Sanha was unfortunately, a very friendly boy. Awkward and somewhat nervous, sure, but never shy. And you really didn’t like talking to people. Or at least him. So you quickly started doing something intently on your phone, browsing for new music to listen to and hoping that Sanha would just stay with his friends. But instead, two blue sneakers came into view on the grass under your phone. Grimacing, you took one ear bud out, not even bothering to pause your music. “Hey, Y/N.” Sanha greeted you brightly. “Hi, Sanha.” You said shortly as Jeongin looked over to you with wide eyes. “Did you study for the test in Chemistry today?” “Yes.” “Well, did you understand it all? Because I’m not quite sure about balancing reactions, and I was wondering if-” “Sorry, but Jeongin and I were actually reviewing his math right now, and we’re about to go inside to get his calculator.” You started tugging on your friend’s jacket to get him to stand up. “Oh, well I have an extra calculator in my bag, and I was really good at systems of equations last year, so I could help-” Sanha offered, and you cut him off again as you started hurrying away from him. “Nope, don’t need your help. Bye, Sanha.” “Well could we go over Chemistry at lunch, Y/N?” You turned around, walking backwards away from him as you kept shoving the flustered Jeongin, “Wish I could, but I’m afraid that I’m going to come down with a terrible stomach bug right before lunch.” With that, you practically kicked the door open and yanked Jeongin inside, Sanha staying outside as the door closed behind you. Looking at the time, you said, “Here, I’ll walk you to first.” “You don’t have to be mean to Yoon Sanha like that.” Your friend quietly pointed out as you started walking up the stairs together. “It’s not his fault.” “But he doesn’t do anything about it.” “Maybe he doesn’t know.” “How could he not? The whole school knows. And they also do nothing.” “You pull off ‘hating the world’ really well, Y/N.” “I don’t hate the world.” You pointed out. “I don’t really hate anything. It’s just a strong dislike.” “Do you like anything, Y/N?” Jeongin teased, and you took a moment to ponder this. “Food, my family for the most part, food, you, I guess.” He wrinkled his nose, and you rolled your eyes. “Like an annoying little brother.” You took the opportunity to spin it on him, elbowing his side teasingly as you said, “Speaking of liking things, are you going to talk to Yena today?” Jeongin immediately flushed at the mention of his crush, rubbing his neck nervously. “When will you let that go?” “When you finally confess to her. It’s been two months, Jeongin!” “She doesn’t like me!” “I happen to have insider information, that she does.” “Insider information requires talking to someone other than me, Y/N. Which you don’t do.” You finally arrived at his classroom. “Piss off, Jeongin.” He had a grin on his face as he opened the door, braces and dimples making an appearance. “See you at lunch, Y/N.” “See you.” Shaking your head to yourself as you walked away, you were still grinning mischievously. He didn’t need to know how you knew. All he needed to know was that you knew Yena liked Jeongin as much as Jeongin liked her. It felt like your little brother was getting his first crush, and it was adorable to you. Now he just needed to confess. But, your knowledge of people liking other people didn’t extend to anybody who might like you. Which is probably why Yoon Sanha bothering you didn’t catch your attention. To you, that was just who he was, a very nice, very smart, very bothersome boy. At lunch, you walked to your normal spot behind the school building, by the gate that you usually snuck out of. This was where you’d first met Jeongin, and where you two liked to have lunch, once he’d convinced you to stay instead of skipping almost every other day. But he was late to your lunch meeting, and you peered around the corner looking for him. Had Jaeha found him? Was he in trouble? But then you saw him walking out of the building, perfectly okay. In fact, better than okay. Walking next to him, smiling and laughing was Yena. With an irrepressible grin, you gave him a thumbs-up when you made eye contact with him. You two had a momentary silent conversation, as he asked with his eyes if it was okay for him to not sit with you today. You waved him off with a shooing motion and a nod. He sent a thankful smile before focusing back on whatever Yena was saying, sitting together at a table. You were so proud of your friend, and excited for the alone time. Maybe you could skip and go to the river alone like you used to. Jeongin never wanted to skip with you, the most he would do was go just beyond the gate to sit in the meadow with you during lunch. But he always had to be back on school grounds ten minutes before lunch would be over. His insistence on the matter was a good thing sometimes, your teachers had complimented that your attendance was getting better, and your grades were even getting better. Not a lot better, but noticeably so. Standing up, you decided to at least skip the next two periods, and be back for your Chemistry test. Making up tests was the worst, and definitely not worth skipping them in the first place. Jogging towards the fence, you gleefully found it unlocked, as it always was. You were pretty sure the groundskeeper had lost the key and never bothered getting another one to lock it back up again. Once in the field, it was a twenty-five minute walk to the river, which is why Jeongin would never go with you, it was too far to be back in time. But now you were unhindered, and with a skip in your step, took the somewhat worn path you always did. The river was nothing special really, in fact it was more of a creek, no powerful current or depth anywhere. You’d even packed a swimsuit one day and taken a dip, it only went up to your bellybutton at the deepest point. Unfortunately, you hadn’t planned on going, so there was no foresight to bring a swimsuit, or a blanket of some sort to sit on. So instead, you took this time to practice. In a small clearing on the river bank, you laid down your jacket, put a song on full blast, and tossed your phone on top of your jacket. There, all alone, the sounds of the river meshing with the music, you could dance to your heart’s desire. And you did, practicing a routine you’d made by yourself. In your mind, you’d imagined it to be with a partner, but Jeongin didn’t want to dance with you, he was afraid it would make Jaeha tease him more. So you were stuck dancing by yourself, which was fine. You’d gone through the full song about three times when there was suddenly a voice singing along to it, approaching from your left. You could recognize those off-beat, out of tune wails anywhere. “Park Jinwoo.” You declared with something like a smile, as he walked into the clearing. “I didn’t pin you for the type to skip.” “And I didn’t pin you for the type to dance alone next to a creek.” He said in a similar manner, no malice between the two of you. “It’s a river.” “My bad.” You had no issue with Jinwoo, or any of the other upperclassmen Sanha was friends with, but your need to distance yourself from Sanha meant interacting with his friends as little as possible as well. “So what are you doing out here?” You paused your music to talk to him. “I came to talk to you.” “How’d you know I was out here?” “Sanha.” “And how did he know I was out here?” “He notices things about you.” Jinwoo shrugged. “Like the fact that you really don’t like him.” “And that’s your business because?” You were now getting tired of the conversation, pocketing your phone and grabbing your jacket to start walking down the riverbank. “Because,” the older boy followed you, keeping your pace. “I was the one who encouraged him to go talk to you, and you shot him down.” “Again, how is that your business? It’s my right to talk to who I want to talk to, and to not talk to people that I don’t want to talk to.” “I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, Y/N. But don’t judge Sanha by his brother. He’s a really sweet kid.” “Whatever.” Jinwoo checked the time, slowing down for a moment, and you did as well, curious as he let out a groan. “I need to go now if I want to be back in time for sixth period. Please, just think about it, Y/N. Bye.” You didn’t even return his farewell, watching his retreating figure with satisfaction. Now you could be alone again for another hour; you weren’t going back until seventh period. Plugging your headphones in, you decided to watch a few dance practice videos by some idol groups, to get inspiration for your own dances. Eventually, you realized that you needed to start heading back as well, you’d wandered pretty far down the river. Back at the school, the gate was made to look like it was locked, probably Jinwoo trying to make sure nobody was suspicious of anyone having snuck out. Fake locking it behind you, you got to the quad just as the bell rang, and slipped into the hallways as they started to get crowded with kids leaving their sixth periods. “It’s hella trophies and it’s hella thick.” You half-muttered and half-sang along to the song playing through your headphones under your breath, doing some of the choreography in your head. “What you think 'bout that, what you think 'bout that?” “Bet it’s got my haters hella sick.” A voice joined in from beside you, unfortunately next to the ear that didn’t have an earphone in, meaning that you couldn’t pretend like you didn’t hear them. “Congrats, you know a song that I know.” You rolled your eyes at Sanha as he matched his strides with yours. “I know more BTS songs. Do you like them too?” “A lot of people know BTS songs.” “What’s your favorite?” “I don’t have one.” “Mine is 'I Need U.’” “I didn’t ask.” You walked into your classroom, not bothering to hold the door open for Sanha behind you. But that didn’t deter him, he followed you to your lab table. Unfortunately, on the first day of school when the seating charts were made, you arrived late and the last available seat was at the front, right next to Sanha, who actually wanted to sit at the front of the classroom. Another reason that you liked to skip the second half of the school day, you had lunch, and the last two classes of the school day with him. “You weren’t in sixth period, Y/N.” Sanha commented as he sat down. “Yep.” “Why?” “I told you, I got a stomach bug.” You deadpanned, begrudgingly sitting beside him. “And it magically got better before this class?” “No, I might puke on you at any second. In fact, I feel something coming right now, maybe you should move before I projectile vomit on you.” Sanha still wasn’t put off by your behavior, merely looking at you with an eyebrow raised. “Oh, that’s attractive.” His sarcastic remark almost made you laugh. Key word: almost. But, he seemed to notice you holding back a smile, a small one spreading across his own face. Before he could say anything else, you stuffed your headphones back in and turned the volume on the song up. The teacher seemed to notice this, giving you a pointed look, and you took an ear bud out to listen to her. “Y/N, phones away, and headphones out of your ears.” The teacher chastised you. “Yes, Ms. Kim,” You paused your music, tucking your phone into your backpack. “Y/N.” Sanha called your name, and now you were doubly irritated. Ms. Kim had taken away your only method of ignoring Sanha now. “Sanha.” “Why do you hate me?” “I don’t hate you.” “Well it seems like you do.” “Then you’re about as observant as a wooden stick.” “Well that sounds like you’re only mean to me because you have an enormous crush on me and don’t know how to express your feelings.” “Get your head out of your ass.” “Vehement denial. Suspicious.” “Don’t make me physically put your head up your ass.” “Well then what’s the reason?” Thankfully, the bell rang and Ms. Kim immediately started passing out the test, forcing Sanha to shut up. Surprisingly, you were done before Sanha. It was a subject that was easy to you, balancing equations, formula weight, stoichiometry. For some reason, you understood it with little studying. Sanha, however, scratched his head as he was only three questions into the test out of ten, with fifteen minutes left. You watched out of the corner of your eye with intrigue, were you actually better than Yoon Sanha at something academic? If you really cared, you would maybe gloat about it, but kept it to yourself. No need to interact with him any more than necessary. The bell rang, and he still had his test out, meaning that you could leave and not have to worry about him following you to continue your conversation. At the front of the school, you were elated to see Jeongin waiting for you. The two of you lived in the same direction from the school, and walked together for the first five minutes before having to go your separate ways. “I thought that you would be walking Yena home.” You teased, not even a hint of jealousy in you; you were genuinely thrilled for your friend to be talking to his crush. “She had to stay for art club.” Jeongin explained as you two started your journey home. “You should join art club, then.” “I don’t like art.” “But you like Yena.” “Y/N!” He was flustered again when you brought her up. Slinging an arm around his shoulders, you pulled him down in an apologetic yet still teasing grip. “I’m sorry, Jeonginnie. I’ll stop talking about your crush.��� “Now let’s talk about yours.” “And who would that be?” “Literally every member of BTS.” “Ah, you’ve got me there.” You maintained your normal banter with Jeongin until the intersection where you had to split up, saying your goodbyes to each other. At your house, you chatted with your dad and had a snack before starting on your homework.

The next week of school had gone by seemingly without incident. Until you showed up three minutes later than you normally did to the quad before first period, and found Jeongin curled up into a ball behind the school building. Rushing to his side, you saw that his cheek was split open, a small amount of blood pooling to the surface, and you could tell that he was holding back tears. “Holy shit, I was three minutes late.” “And I was four minutes early.” He added miserably. “That’s seven minutes for Jaeha to do this.” “Jeongin…” You said softly, reaching into your backpack for some tissues and a bandaid. “We should take you to the nurse. And then the principal. This is unacceptable. Jaeha has taken it too far.” He hissed as you dabbed at the blood, wiping around the cut. After you had pressed a bandage the wound, Jeongin shook his head, mumbling, “What will Yena think?” “Yena will think that Jaeha is an asshole and that you were brave for telling an authority figure instead of crying by yourself behind the school.” “I’m not by myself, you’re here.” Your friend pointed out, and you sat back on your knees with a sigh. “Fine, we won’t go to the principal, or an authority figure. But you bet your entire ass I’m going to talk to somebody about it.” And so that’s how you ended up standing in front of Yoon Sanha’s locker before fourth period, arms crossed as you tapped your foot impatiently, waiting for him. Jeongin got to his first period okay, and you were worried for him the whole day until lunch, when you left your third period early to get to Sanha’s locker before passing period started. Surprisingly, it was Jeongin that approached you at the locker first. You sometimes forgot that his locker was in the same row as Sanha’s, “Y/N, what are you doing?” “Don’t worry, Jeonginnie, I’m just going to talk to him.” You assured him, and he cast you a nervous glance. “Are you sure? I really don’t need anything else to aggravate Jaeha…” “Jeongin, I promise, I will get him to stop if it’s the last thing I do in this godforsaken school. Now go eat lunch with Yena, she’s probably waiting.” With those words and a supportive smile, you watched him disappear down the halls. The next person to approach you was exactly who you were looking for, accompanied by a couple people you weren’t necessarily looking for. Myungjun and Jinwoo, his two friends that were in their last year of school before university. “We’re going to go to lunch now.” Myungjun announced loudly, veering the other direction down the hallway. “Good luck Sanha!” Jinwoo whispered to the younger boy, although it was loud enough for you to hear. Sanha approached you hesitantly, but with a big smile. You put up a hand just as he opened his mouth to greet you. “We need to talk.” Grabbing his arm, you dragged him outside. You dragged him past the quad and behind the school building. He was quiet the whole time, but clearly confused, maybe even a little scared. “What do we need to talk about?” He questioned. “Have you seen Yang Jeongin today?” You asked simply. “Your friend? Of course, his locker is a couple down from mine.” “Best friend.” You corrected, causing a glimmer of a smile to cross Sanha’s face, then you continued on. “And, did you see the bandage on his face?” “Yeah. What is it, a pimple that he doesn’t want to scar or something?” “No, it’s a wound. From where your brother punched him.” Sanha froze, eyes widening and jaw nearly dislocating in shock. “M-my brother?” “Yoon Jaeha.” You confirmed. “He doesn’t even know Jeongin. I promise, he didn’t do th-” “Shut the fuck up.” You tried not to yell, taking a deep breath. “You’re in denial, and you need to stop. It’s disgusting.” “What do you know?” Now Sanha was getting angry, his face turning red as he tried to contain his yells of indignation. “Nothing, you know nothing!” “I know plenty, Yoon Sanha.” “Really?” “Yes, really. My older brother used to bully people, too. He would make fun of them, push them into lockers, rough them up if they looked at him the wrong way. And I ignored it, I turned a blind eye and idolized him for being my big strong older brother that could do no wrong.” You practically spat out your words as you relayed the story. “Then one of the kids he bullied tried to commit suicide. He lived, thankfully, but my brother and my family will never be done apologizing and repaying their penance to that boy and his family. And I absolutely hated- no, still hate- myself for what I did; ignoring it, and letting it happen.” Bile was rising in your esophagus as you spoke, your words bringing about the most unpleasant experiences and feelings in your life. But you continued. You had to, for Jeongin, “That’s what you’re doing, that’s why I dislike you. You know it’s happening, and you’re turning a blind eye, whether accidentally or not. I’m not a hateful person, I’m really not. I want to be kind and loving, and giving out second chances left and right. But people like you, people like me, don’t deserve them.” Sanha was speechless after your rant, and you wiped at your lip where saliva was threatening to launch itself. You had gotten yourself worked up, and you quickly realized that maybe you had said too much. He was looking at you with the most complex range of emotions: anger, pity, sympathy, betrayal, disbelief, and just plain old sadness. “You deserve a second chance, Y/N.” Sanha finally spoke, his voice soft but clear. Even though his words were clearly meant to make you feel better, they set you off again. “This isn’t about me!” You screeched, almost in hysterics. “It’s about your jackass brother leaving Yang Jeongin alone.” The boy in front of you was at a loss for words, or anything at all. He stood petrified, and you were too worried about crying in front of Sanha that you’d forgotten about your original mission, slinging your backpack over your shoulder, stomping over to the gate. Not even caring that Sanha now knew exactly where you were, you just needed to get out of there. You knew the field and river behind the school better than anyone, you’d be able to hide from Sanha if he decided to follow you. And you prayed and hoped that he didn’t. If you ever saw his face again, you thought that you might puke. Because all you could see was yourself.

The next morning, you were tempted to tell your mother you were sick, and just stay home from school. But you hadn’t missed a day of school since you’d become friends with Jeongin, and you weren’t about to start now. Especially not when he just got punched in the face yesterday. Jaeha might want to continue.

You left the house ten minutes earlier than normal, not wanting a repeat of yesterday’s consequences of you being tardy. The school campus was quiet this early in the morning, only the staff and a couple other kids were there before you. You even had time to stop at your locker before heading back to the school gates to greet Jeongin. To your delight, his arm was linked with someone else’s. Yena’s, specifically. They were chatting, and you stood waiting for them with a smug smile on your face. “Good morning, Y/N!” Jeongin greeted you brightly before nervously introducing Yena. “Yena, this is my best friend Y/N. Y/N, this is Yena.” “Hey, Y/N. Did you finish our Computer Technologies homework?” Yena asked, and you fell into step with them. “Actually, yeah.” You swung your flash drive around on your keychain. “It was the only homework I did last night.” “You two know each other?” Jeongin was dumbfounded, and you smirked at him. “I told you, Jeonginnie, insider information.” Yena giggled as he sat down on your normal bench, immediately slumping over. You sat on Yena’s other side, talking with them for a bit. But you couldn’t help your eyes from constantly flitting over to your right, where Sanha was standing with his older friends. Had he told them about your “conversation” yesterday? Had he talked to Jaeha at all? For some reason, you doubted it. He was probably still denial, like you had been. Someone approaching from the left of your small trio caught your attention. You were immediately wary as the figure caused Jeongin to tense up. You stood up, slowly moving in between your friend and the older boy. Yoon Jaeha was walking towards you, shoulders hunched. “Hey, Y/N. Could I talk to Jeongin privately for a moment?” He coughed awkwardly, and you narrowed your eyes. “Whatever you have to say to Jeongin you can say to us too.” Yena threw out, and you were unsure how much Jeongin had told her about his situation with Jaeha. Clearly it was enough for her to join you in defending him. “Uh, okay.” Jaeha cleared his throat again. “Well, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, Yang Jeongin. About your face, and uh, everything. It was a shitty thing to do, and I’ll leave you alone.” Jeongin seemed surprised, standing up himself to stick his hand out to the older boy. “I forgive you, Yoon Jaeha.” Jaeha shook his hand, then mumbled one last apology before slinking off somewhere. Your friend looked at you with wide eyes. “Y/N, I don’t know what you did yesterday, but thank you so much!” Jeongin launched himself into your arms, and you stumbled backwards for a moment. Laughing, you hugged the boy back. “You’re welcome, Jeongin.” He let go of you, and Yena gave you a hug as well, thanking you too. “I’m just happy that he’s done bothering you.” You said, your heart swelling with happiness. Your best friend was grinning madly, braces on full display and dimple deeper than the ocean. “Now I’ve got someone I need to talk to.” You excused yourself from your friends. “We’ll see you later, Y/N!” Jeongin promised as he and Yena went the opposite direction from you. Shouldering your backpack and swallowing what was left of your pride, you took determined steps towards the group of boys who had watched the whole scene. As soon as Jaeha left, they immediately tried to turn back to what they were talking about before, as if they weren’t watching intently. But you knew that they were. And you knew that there was one of them in particular you had to speak with. “Sanha.” You called out his voice as you walked up from behind him and a boy you knew to be Minhyuk. “Hi, Y/N.” He didn’t seem as eager to see you as he did yesterday, and you suddenly got worried. “Can we talk for a minute?” “Of course.” The tall boy gestured for you to lead the way, and followed you to the bench where you had just been sitting with Yena and Jeongin. “Thank you, for whatever you said to Jaeha to make him stop.” You took a deep breath before continuing. “And I’m sorry, for yelling at you yesterday, and for basically calling you a piece of shit that didn’t deserve a second chance. That was out of line.” Sanha blinked, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. “You don’t need me to forgive you, Y/N. You need to forgive yourself. I can’t give you whatever validation you’re looking for. I really can’t.” Your chest shuddered at his words, they were true. You saw yourself in him, in his situation, and tried to get forgiveness from him. He could see right through you, though, and you didn’t know how. “Fuck, you’re- you’re right.” You sniffled as tears started filling your eyes again. Furiously wiping at them, you were determined not to cry. “Come on,” Sanha stood up, slinging your backpack onto his shoulder with his own, and gently took your arm in his hand. “Let’s go somewhere.” You were still trying not cry as Sanha took you to whatever destination he had in mind. The sounds of the students chattering amongst themselves faded away, and when you looked up from your shoes, you noticed that Sanha had taken you behind the school, in the shade provided by the building. He sat down, tugging on your wrist for you to do the same. You obliged, vision still watery as you couldn’t even make eye contact with him. “Do you want to talk?” “No.” “Okay.” He accepted your answer, not moving to stand up or anything. Instead, he just sat there with you, as if waiting for you to say something. Eventually you did, the silence becoming suffocating, “Why are you being nice to me? I was an absolute asshat to you because of something your brother did.” “I’m being nice to you, in hopes that one day you’ll be nice to yourself. Because I really do believe that you deserve a second chance, Y/N. And you should give it to yourself.” His words brought even more tears to your eyes, and soon they were streaming down your cheeks. He was making you truly look at yourself, something you hadn’t done since your brother got the call that his classmate he had bullied had ended up in the hospital, wrists in thick bandages to stop the bleeding.

And it was terrifying. You wrapped your jacket around yourself tighter, trying to comfort yourself. The sound of the warning bell ringing reached your ears, and you said to Sanha, “You should go, you don’t want to be late.” Sanha made no move to leave, “I also don’t want to leave you crying behind the school by yourself.” And so Yoon Sanha sat with you until your eyes were dry, and the red puffiness had receded a little bit. You stretched as you stood up, and he did the same. “Thank you.” You uttered, not quite sure of what to say. He nodded, checking his watch. “We’ve still got twenty minutes left of first period.” “Then we should go in, better late than never.” Checking that there were no wandering teachers or staff members first, the two of you crossed the grassy quad together, slipping into the main building. Both of your first periods were on the second floor, so you were still by him as you walked up. When you got to where you knew your paths would diverge, you were starting your goodbye when Sanha suddenly blurted something out, “See you sixth-” “Do you want to sit with me at lunch?” You cocked an eyebrow, “How do you know I’m in your lunch? You sit inside.” “Ah, I just, kind of notice things?” “I’ll see if Jeongin’s eating with me or Yena’s art club friends today. If he is eating with them, I might come by your table.” “You don’t sound angry.” “What would I be angry about?” “Jeongin and Yena.” “It’s not like I’m into him or anything,” You snorted almost in disbelief. “And I’m actually super proud of him for getting other friends and talking to his crush.” “That’s nice.” He commented, a smile on his face. “Maybe you should get other friends too.” “We’ll see what happens at lunch, then.” You started walking towards your classroom. “Bye Sanha.” “Bye Y/N!” Lunchtime rolled around, and Jeongin still hadn’t replied to your text asking where he was sitting. With a shrug, you guessed that he was sitting with Yena and her friends, and decided to find Sanha’s table. You heard Sanha’s friends before you could see them in the packed lunchroom, various screams and hysterical laughter met your ears. Approaching the table, you immediately looked to Sanha. “Hey Y/N! You can sit here,” He patted the seat to his left, and you did so. “That’s my seat!” Came the indignant voice of Myungjun as he joined the table. “Oh hi, Y/N.” Jinwoo, who was walking with him, elbowed his arm, “MJ hyung, just sit next to me and leave them be.” Disgruntled, Myungjun sat beside his friend, pulling out his own lunch. The other boys came to the table, giving you wary hellos. The six boys were all hungrily munching on their food, and you just sat there, somewhat amused by it. “Do you not have a lunch, Y/N?” Sanha asked with a frown as he noticed that you weren’t eating as well. “I was planning on skipping this period and fifth and going to the boba cafe a couple blocks away.” You explained your lack of a meal, and immediately had various foods shoved in front of you. Chips from Sanha, a quarter of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich from MJ, a cookie from Bin, rice from Minhyuk, an apple from Dongmin, and a juice from Jinwoo, were all presented to you. More like forced at you, technically. “You guys can keep your food, I really don’t-” You trailed off when you saw the pointed look from Sanha. This was part of a second chance for yourself, accepting others’ kindness. Changing your demeanor, you said, “Thank you.” With that, you popped a chip into your mouth, and the friendly conversation and banter at the table resumed.

After that lunch, you realized that you’d gotten six new friends, whether you wanted to or not. Dongmin lived down the street from you, and had started leaving in the morning just before you did, walking with you a couple blocks before Bin would join the both of you. Then, you were most likely to be roped into the group meeting before school started. Minhyuk and you had ended up together for a project in your second period. Jinwoo would often find you after second and talk with you for a moment as you went to your third periods that were near each other.

Then, the group would reunite at lunch. When you all had to break apart for fifth period, Myungjun tagged along to yours, since he was a peer for that teacher. Of course sixth and seventh period were spent with Sanha, whom you’d started finding less and less bothersome. In

fact, if he didn’t immediately give you a bright smile when you sat beside him in Chemistry, you were a little disappointed. And that text to Jeongin still went unanswered. It wasn’t that you’d forgotten about him, it was far from that. You still loved your best friend with all your heart, but his now-girlfriend had introduced him to so many more people that he was becoming friends with. And while it made your heart twinge, you were proud of him. After all, you were also becoming friends with other people. It was as if maybe your friendship was meant to be just a stepping stone for you both. “Y/N, can we study tonight? I did not get that lesson.” Sanha groaned as the two of you walked out of Chemistry. “Yeah, let me give my dad a heads-up that you’re coming over.” You agreed, bringing your phone out of your pocket. There was a text already there, the name having not popped up on your screen in well over two months. [jeongin: do you want to come over for pizza and movies tonight? we haven’t hung out in forever. i’m staying for art club, but you can come over around dinnertime] Your throat seized up as you thought over your response. Theoretically, you could finish studying with Sanha before dinnertime then go to Jeongin’s house. But your dad had kind of fallen in love with Sanha, insisting every time he was over that he stay for dinner. And you really loved it, it was something you’d never pass up, despite the embarrassing stories your father would tell about you.

[you: i wish i could, but my dad said i can’t hang out with anyone unless i bring my grades back up. sorry] It was somewhat true, your dad said no friends after school, unless it was for something school-related. Or unless it was Sanha. He didn’t even try to hide his favoritism towards your new friend, preferring him over any of the others you’d introduced him to. Minhyuk had come over before for your project, and your dad pretty much treated him as a criminal, but would probably let Sanha get away with murder. Going into your texts with your dad, you started typing as you and Sanha walked down the stairs. [you: hey dad, sanha’s coming over for chemistry studying] [dad: oh no! i’m going to your mother’s work dinner tonight. give him my apologies. we’ll be home at seven!] [you: can i order us pizza then?] [dad: yes, i left money on the counter for you anyway] Your phone buzzed with another text, and you glanced up to thank Sanha as he held the door to the school building open for you. [jeongin: that’s okay. tomorrow right after school?] [you: that sounds perfect. see you then!] Dongmin and Bin joined you and Sanha at the front of the school to walk home. They said their goodbyes as Dongmin was apparently going to Bin’s house, as Sanha was going to yours. At your house, you threw your stuff down and grabbed a snack for you and Sanha to eat. At your kitchen table, you brought out your textbooks as well notes from the class. “Okay so, which parts of periodic trends do you not get?” You asked, chewing on a cracker. “Uh most of it. Like, I understand why it happens, kind of, but I just don’t remember which ways and the exceptions and all of that.” Sanha replied before popping a cracker in his own mouth. You launched into an explanation of the material, for some reason you actually understood it. Once Sanha was sure he understood, you all did a couple practice problems from a worksheet your teacher had given you. However, when you went to check your answers, Sanha had gotten almost all of them wrong. “That’s it, I’m dropping out.” He groaned, shoving his books and papers away from him. Calmly closing your own book, you stood up. “Let’s take a break. I got Super Mario Brothers Wii.” "Oh hell yeah!” Sanha was suddenly energized, running down the hall towards your room. Sitting side-by-side on your bed, knees touching as his long legs were folded underneath him as best he could, you played video games with Sanha. It had become an integral part of your friendship, whether you were at your house, his house, or one of the other boys’, you two always ended up at a game console of sort. Screams and cheers and groans always spilled out of both your mouths, depending on if you were on the same team, and if you were winning. This time you were on the same team, trying to finish the levels at the best proficiency you could. You were about halfway through World One when Sanha’s character died, losing his last life. That meant that you had to completely restart the world. “Are you shitting me?” You hissed, just about throwing your controller onto the floor. “I’m sorry, Y/N!” Sanha cried out, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you tightly to him. You fell over onto your bed at the force, a mess of limbs and laughter as you tried to wriggle out of his grasp. But he held tight to you, apologies adding to your laughs in the air. “I forgive you! I forgive you!” You squealed out, and he finally released you. Still with a grin on your face, you managed to sit yourself back up. Your eyes caught on something outside your window, and you nearly screamed. There was someone peering into your window, just barely out of sight. Before you could alert Sanha, or call the police, or scream, you realized that it was someone familiar. And that you definitely needed to talk to them. “Sanha, could you go make me a cup of chocolate milk while I set up the next level, please?” You asked him sweetly, and he stood up. “Of course.” He raised his arms above his head to stretch, shirt sliding up ever so slightly before he put his arms back down. “I’ll get myself a glass too. Do you want food while I’m in the kitchen?” You weren’t hungry, but you needed to delay him as much as possible, “A sandwich sounds really good right now.” “Aish, what am I, your husband or something?” “You offered! And, I was thinking more like a servant.” He chuckled, sticking his tongue out at you, which in turn caused you to reach forward to give his chest a push, “Alright, I’m going.” Once he was out of sight, you closed your door before padding over to the window. Pushing it up, you called out, “Yang Jeongin! Get your nosy little ass over here!” Your friend emerged from behind one of the taller bushes in your neighbor’s yard. As he got closer to your window, you realized that he seemed upset. With good reason, as far as he knew, you’d blown him off for Sanha. “Hey Y/N.” Jeongin had a tartness in his voice as he spoke, “I thought you were grounded from friends?” “My dad made an exception for studying.” You explained, hoping he wasn’t too mad. It was true that you didn’t hang out as frequently, but you still didn’t want to lose your friend completely. “That really seemed like studying.” “We were taking a break-” You were only partway through your excuse when you realized that Jeongin wasn’t angry, or even annoyed. Instead, he seemed amused as he listened, head tilted to the side. “Don’t you dare be thinking what I think you’re thinking.” “And what would that be? That you and Sanha have huge, enormous crushes on each other?” Now it was Jeongin teasing you about crushes, and you didn’t like the change of roles. You were supposed to be poking fun at him, not the other way around. Scowling, you attempted to change the topic, “Why are you even hiding outside my window, Jeongin? That’s a bit stalker-ish.” “I saw you and Sanha walking together, and I know that his brother drives him to school. So I decided to investigate.” “That’s super stalker-ish, Jeonginnie.” “You’re avoiding.” “You’re annoying.” There was suddenly a yell from inside your house, “Y/N, do you want ham or turkey?” “Uh, give me a minute!” You replied, just as loud. “I’ll come to you-” Jeongin was still at your window, looking smug as he crossed his arms. “Don’t! I’m changing! Currently naked! Do not enter!” “Oh, okay.” Sanha’s voice was closer, he must be right outside the door. He cleared his throat awkwardly, “I’ll be in the kitchen.” Once you were sure he was back in the kitchen, you turned to the boy outside your window with narrowed eyes, “You’ve gotta go, because now I actually have to change so he doesn’t think I was lying to him.” “Fine, fine, I’ll be going.” Your friend raised his hands up in surrender. “But once you two are a thing, we’re going to have double dates, okay?” “Leave.” With one more dimpled laugh and wave, Jeongin walked around to the front of your house, then down the sidewalk. You breathed a sigh of relief, closing your window up and quickly switching your school clothes out for pajamas. Treading out to the kitchen, you tried to be nonchalant about your changing of clothes. Sanha had two chocolate milks and one sandwich made, and he explained the lack of one sandwich, “I haven’t made yours yet, because I didn’t know what you wanted on it.” “Ah, I’m not that hungry anymore, actually.” You replied, helping him to start putting away the sandwich ingredients. “Besides, we need to get back to studying anyway.” You two had finally gotten through the chapter, and Sanha slammed his book shut in victory. “If I see another chemical formula I might just burn my eyes off.” With a chuckle, you closed your book as well, and finished the last of your chocolate milk before speaking again, “We should order the pizza now, so it’s here by the time we get hungry again.” He agreed, and you quickly called it in. As you were ordering, you watched as Sanha stood up, walking towards your living room. Figuring he just wanted to sit on something comfier, you stayed in the kitchen to finish the order. When you had hung up, you shuffled into the living room as well to see Sanha’s long body sprawled out on your couch. He looked half-asleep, so you decided not to bother him, moving to sit in the armchair beside the couch. “Y/N,” he whined, reaching a hand out to grab your forearm. “Sanha,” You mimicked his tone, and he looked up at you through his eyelashes, clearly tired. “I’m cold.” “I’ll get you a blanket.” “But I don’t want a blanket.” “Then freeze.” “Y/N.” He tugged on your arm, and you realized what he wanted. “Jeez, you’re so needy.” You scoffed as he sat up slightly, letting you sit where his head just was. He laid his head back down on your lap, and your fingers instinctively started running through his hair, absentmindedly playing with his brown locks with one hand, the other grabbing the remote to start finding something to watch. “Y/N.” “I swear to God, Sanha, what is it now?” “Thank you for giving me the chance to be your friend.” Your annoyance faded and you felt your face soften as you looked down at Sanha, putting the remote to the side. He was looking back up at you with a fond smile on his face as you kept messing with his hair, waiting for you to say something back. “I still don’t know why you wanted to be my friend,” You frowned, hands stopping as you became absorbed in your thoughts. “I was a jerk to you because of your brother.” “Yeah, you were. But I knew that you weren’t actually a jerk, I saw you smile, and laugh, and joke with Jeongin at school. And one time I’d gone outside during lunch, and saw you go behind the school building, and I wondered where you’d gone. Then I saw you on the other side of the fence, in the meadow, and you looked so peaceful. I knew that you were a wonderful person, so I wanted to see it for myself.” “And am I as wonderful as you thought I was?” “Even more so.” Sanha’s words were so sincere, and so sweet, and he looked at you with such a loving expression, you felt your heart start to hurt and your eyes threatened to water up. “Thanks, Sanha.” You chewed on your lip, and he smiled up at you. “Speaking of the meadow, do you want to go there with me tomorrow? Just for lunch, you don’t have to skip any of your classes.” “Sure, that sounds like a lot of fun.” And with that he rolled onto his side, adjusting his head in your lap into a more comfortable position. You realized with a fond smile that he was going to take a nap. Instead of entertaining yourself with the TV, you pulled out your phone in one hand while the other absentmindedly played with Sanha’s hair, brushing it away from his face, letting it fall back onto his forehead before you brushed it away again. The repetitive cycle relaxed you, and apparently Sanha too as his breathing evened out, the faintest kitten-like snores coming from his slightly-parted lips. He had actually fallen asleep on your lap. Opening the camera on your phone, you took a few pictures of the sleeping boy at various angles. Some made him look like an angel, while others were so unfortunate you had to choke back your laughter at them. You decided to send a couple of the worse ones in your new friend group’s group chat, appropriately named Hot Mess Central. [you: can you believe this 11/10 visual right here: attached images] [mj: im cACKLING OH MY GOD] [minhyuk: no seriously, he’s actually cackling right now. it’s hurting my ears] [jinwoo: i can also confirm that] [bin: i’m saving each and every one of these pictures] [dongmin: wait y/n, it looks like he’s sleeping on your lap] [mj: THATS THE CUTEST SHIT EVER] [bin: is he??] [jinwoo: i double-checked the pictures and you can clearly see y/n’s hand in his hair!!] [minhyuk: that’s adorable] Rolling your eyes at the detective skills your friends decided to employ to embarrass you, you replied. [you: yeah, his head is on my lap because he’s a Needy Bitch™] [jinwoo: yeah but he’s YOUR needy bitch] [you: that’s one of the least endearing things i’ve ever heard of] [bin: sanha is one of the least endearing things i’ve ever heard of] Holding back a snort, you typed out your response, going back into your camera roll for the angelic pictures of Sanha you had. [you: oh that’s just mean, bin. he’s plenty endearing: attached images] [mj: THATS THE CUTEST SHIT EVER] [you: that’s a very wide vocabulary, mj] [dongmin: that’s a very bad way of avoiding the situation, y/n] [jinwoo; i agree, y/n is avoiding] [bin: i second that] [you: no bin, jinwoo already seconded it] [bin: then i third it] [minhyuk: y/n is still avoiding] Sanha started to shift in your lap again, and you realized that his phone had been continuously going off with the messages from the groupchat. [you: you guys are waking sanha up with these ten million messages] [minhyuk: let’s not interrupt their cuddle session anymore then] [jinwoo: good point!] [you: i’m going to strangle you guys tomorrow] [dongmin: that’s pretty kinky, y/n, save it for sanha] [mj: nO WAIT THEY’RE CHILDREN DONGMIN DONT ENCOURAGE THAT] [jinwoo: anyway, we’re all going, bye!!] [bin: bye!!] [mj: BYE BABES] [dongmin: BE SAFE I LOVE YOU ALL BYE] [minhyuk: goodbye, i guess??] Not even reciprocating their goodbyes, you turned your phone off. But apparently ending the conversation to preserve Sanha’s nap was for nothing, because when you looked down at him, his eyes were already focused on you, watching you sleepily. “Something wrong, Y/N?” Sanha reached up to poke at your cheek. “You’re frowning.” You swatted away his hand, the gesture nonetheless bringing a fond smile to your face as you shoved his hand back down towards him. “Your friends are a bunch of idiots.” “Hey, they’re your friends now too, Y/N.” He pointed out, hands undeterred and still reaching up to poke your cheek, then nose, and you gave up on deflecting them. He continued his cute assault on your face, as his own way of tracing your face, eyes and fingers memorizing your features as he did so, under the excuse of annoying you. But that was how he normally approached something like this, something that went beyond the normal bounds of friendship, that maybe signaled that he wanted something else from your relationship. He disguised it just as him being childish. The bell rang, causing both you and Sanha to startle. He sat up to allow you to stand up and get the door. It was the pizza, and you quickly paid before carrying back to the kitchen. As you ate and talked, you forgot about the groupchat and could just focus on your friend. When you were putting away the leftovers and Sanha helped to put the dishes in the dishwasher, you heard the garage door opening, meaning that your parents were home. “We’re home!” Your mother called out, and you poked your head out of the kitchen. “Hi Mom! Hi Dad!” You said cheerily, going to give your mother a hug. “Is Sanha still here?” Your dad asked as he absentmindedly gave you a hug, and you rolled your eyes. At this point he probably preferred Sanha over you. “Yes, Mr. Y/L/N, I’m in the kitchen!” Sanha called out, and your dad rushed in to greet your friend. You watched with amusement as Sanha put down a plate to reciprocate the hug your father gave him, and they immediately launched into a conversation. You didn’t know how, but if you let them, your father and Sanha could talk to each other for hours like good friends. Your mother put her purse down, watching the two as well. “If you don’t start dating that boy soon, your father might.” Your mother warned jokingly, and you didn’t know if you wanted to argue or laugh at her statement. You opted to look at her with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. She lifted your chin back up with a disapproving tsk, “Don’t be so surprised, I’ve known he’s liked you since you first mentioned the annoying boy in your classes who wouldn’t leave you alone. I didn’t raise a stupid child, you’ve known it too, Y/N.” Sighing, you slowly nodded in agreement. Had it crossed your mind before that Sanha might like you as something other than a friend? Yes, but you never dwelled on those thoughts. Had it crossed your mind that you might also like Sanha as something other than a friend? Yes, but you valued this new friendship too much to think like that. The possibility of losing not one, but six friends, was terrifying to you. You never thought of yourself as wanting to have many friends, but now that you did, you didn’t want to let them go. You’d just be selfish for wanting anything else from your relationship with Sanha, or any one of them. It would disrupt the dynamics of the whole friend group. “Good,” She picked up her bag again, patting your shoulder before calling out to your dad, “Honey, Sanha should be getting home before it’s dark.” “Oh, you’re right.” Your father frowned as he looked outside, the sun was hanging low in the sky. “Y/N can walk him home, right?” “Of course.” You said brightly as Sanha went to pick up his bookbag. “Thank you, Mrs. and Mr. Y/L/N.” The boy bowed to your parents in succession. “We’ll see you later, Sanha. Goodbye.” Your mother hugged him, then your father as they walked you two to the door. You and Sanha walked in near silence, a comfortable silence. The only sounds that met your ears were your breathing, and the tune he was humming lightly. You liked when it quiet like this, it was often hard to get Sanha to settle down, most of the time he was all over the place. Which you liked about your friend, it was contagious, but sometimes you just wanted some peace with him. Sanha’s house was several streets over from yours, far enough from the school to warrant his parents buying his older brother a car to drive them to school, but not so far that he went to a completely different school. The quaint two-story house he lived in came into view, and you stopped on the sidewalk at the front. “Bye, Sanha. Thanks for studying with me.” You smiled, and in the dimming sunlight you could see that he had a bittersweet smile on his face as well. “Thanks for having me over, Y/N.” He said, and the both of you paused. Your mother’s words were on your mind, and your friend seemed lost in his own thoughts. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You stepped forward to give him what would normally be a friendly hug, but as your arms squeezed around his torso, you felt your heart being squeezed too. “See you.” With that, you began walking away, giving him a final wave as you turned the corner back towards your house.

The next day after third period you walked out to wait for Sanha behind the building. You reminisced about when you used to eat with Jeongin out here; you hadn’t been behind the building or in the meadow since you’d become friends with Sanha and the others. Sanha’s head peeked around the corner, and his face lit up when he saw you. “Hey, Y/N.” He smiled, and you reciprocated it. “Hey. You packed a lunch beforehand?” You question, linking your arm with his to walk out towards the gate. “Yes, and I brought those candies you like, too.” “Ah, you’re the best!” At the gate, you let go of Sanha’s arm to undo the chain, and dropped the unlocked padlock onto the ground. Pushing one side of the gate open, you took his arm in yours again and led him through. You decided not to go too far into the small meadow, stopping at a place where you knew that you couldn’t be seen from the school grounds, but it was still close enough to get back before the next period. Sitting down, you pulled out your own sandwich and drink to start eating. The warm sun above you countered the cool spring breeze that fluttered through the flowers and grass around you. You chewed on your sandwich happily, and Sanha was quiet as well as he ate his lunch. “Oh, I brought that book of poetry you wanted to look at!” You suddenly remembered, reaching into your bag. Sanha had been complaining about a poetry assignment for his Literature class, and you wanted to prove that it actually wasn’t all that boring. Pulling the book out, you realized that Sanha had brought chocolate for himself, and you really didn’t want it getting on your book. With a shake of your head, you scooted closer to him until your thighs were touching, and opened the book. Resting your arm on his leg, you held the book open for the both of you to be able to see. He leaned over your shoulder to look at it, giving you a small nudge when he was ready for the page to be turned, and you would give him a nudge when you wanted him to give you one of the candies he’d brought. Since you were holding the book, he would have to place it in your mouth for you. Soon, the two of you got into a rhythm, you were realizing the speed that he read at and would be able to turn the page without prompting, and just your mouth falling open was enough for him to know to feed you another candy. There was a moment when you two had read a particularly powerful poem, Sanha had said, “Wow, that’s incredible,” and his warm breath washed over your much colder ear and cheek, that you realized how close he was to you. His chin was resting on your shoulder, left arm behind your back to prop himself up, and you were leaning on his lap, back almost against his chest. And you became horribly aware of the fact that you wanted him even closer. This wasn’t enough. You wanted him to wrap his arms around your waist, to sit you between his legs, and nuzzle his face into your neck. “Y/N, you can turn the page.” Sanha’s request snapped you out of your terrified daze, and you quickly did so. But you could never regain the focus on the poems that you had before, every movement or slight shift he made amplified the roaring in your ears. You blamed your mother and Jeongin for putting the thoughts in your head. There was no way Sanha liked you like that, so therefore there was no reason for you to like him like that. In your mind, that was final. The bell ringing for next period nearly made you jump out of your skin, and you were quick to scramble away from Sanha and stuff the book back in your backpack. “We should get going, you don’t want to be late for class and I’m sure if we run we can make it back just in time-” “Isn’t there a river near here?” Sanha interrupted your ramblings, calmly standing up and shouldering his own bag. “Uh, yeah. It’s about a twenty minute walk from here.” “Well then let’s go.” “What?” Sanha looked at you innocently, “Let’s go to the river, it sounds like fun!” “You realize that we’ll have to skip at least two periods, right?” “Do you really want to go to Algebra, Y/N?” “Well no, but your parents would literally kill me if they found out that you skipped with me, they already don’t like me.” You pointed out with a frown. They never said it outright, but you could tell that the Yoons disapproved of you. You weren’t quite sure why; if Sanha had for some reason told them about your tendency to skip the second half of the day, or your previous dislike for him, or if they just didn’t like the fact that you were a girl. Whenever you were at their house you noticed that they treated you much colder than the others, who they pretty much considered as five more sons. You were an outlier at his house, which was such a stark contrast from how he was treated at your house. “My parents can go choke,” He scoffed, and you looked at him strangely for a moment before bursting out laughing. You stood there in the middle of the meadow, keeled over as you just wheezed. Your sides were hurting as you laughed the hardest you ever had in probably months. Finally, as you stood up, wiping a stray tear from your cheek, you saw Sanha watching with a fond smile on his face. “Well, alright.” You said, picking up your backpack. “Let’s go to the river.” As you went on to start leading the way, Sanha casually linked his arm with yours, a simple gesture that made your chest twinge. You tended to walk home together like this but you never were bothered by it until now. And you knew that if you tried to let go he was only whine until you linked your arm with his again. It was an annoying but endearing trait about him. So the two of you continued on the path you hadn’t taken in months, not since the day you’d gone off on Sanha behind the school. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but it was less than five months. So much had changed for you. Sanha rambled on about the most random stuff, and you just listened to him, an amused smile on your face. Occasionally he’d say something you had to refute or comment on, but he mainly carried the conversation himself as usual. It was so different from your friendship with Jeongin, where either you were talking the most or neither of you said much, in a comfortable silence. That made you think about Jeongin again, and how you had dinner plans at his house tonight. When you’d told your mom, she was elated, previously she had been worried that you weren’t friends with him anymore. You knew that she loved him like a son, especially for 'getting you back in line’ again. Not that she didn’t like seeing Sanha all the time, but your mom was always preaching that you needed to balance everything in your life, including old friends and new friends. She suggested that you introduce Jeongin to your new friends, but you shrugged it off. It was okay for you all to have different friend groups, you both knew that deep down you were still each other’s best friend. In fact, Jeongin had made more new friends than you did, eight new friends as compared to your six. Soon, you knew that you were reaching the clearing that you usually practiced your dance moves at, and you got more excited. Sanha seemed to notice that you were picking up your pace, and followed suit until eventually you both were running through the grass, swerving to avoid the occasional tree. Giddy, you finally burst into the clearing, and grinned as you saw it to be exactly as you’d left it. Just twenty feet away was the riverbank, and underfoot was packed dirt with somewhat trampled grass that made it a good place for you to practice your dance moves. “This isn’t really a river.” Sanha commented, to which you pursed your lips. “It’s a river.” You said sternly, and he raised an eyebrow in amusement before changing the subject. “So what did you usually do down here when you skipped?” “The last time I was here I practiced a bit.” “Practiced?” “Oh uh, I dance a little bit.” Sanha’s eyes lit up, “Can I see?” Your eyes immediately widened, you never really danced in front of anybody except Jeongin a couple rare times. “I’m self-taught, and choreograph my own stuff, so it’s usually not that good, and-” “You choreographed it by yourself? That’s awesome!” “Well that’s doesn’t mean it’s good choreography, it’s nothing like what real dancers do or anything.” “What makes someone a 'real dancer?’” “Uh, I don’t know. Actually being successful, and not feeling like you’re going to puke at the idea of dancing in front of someone.” “Y/N, you’ll be fine. It’s just me, you know I’m not going to judge you or anything. Seriously, it’s gotta be great if you did it.” Your friend seemed to know exactly what to say to convince you, and with a sigh you brought out your phone. “I need to do a couple stretches first.” You mumbled, bending over to touch your toes, then doing a few others before returning to your phone. Sanha sat down in front of you, eagerly looking up at you. You selected the song, and quickly paused it before handing it to him. “I haven’t really practiced in a long time, by the way.” “It’ll still be awesome!” With a deep breath, you tried to focus yourself, walking to where you needed to start. Imagining the first few steps, you then nodded for Sanha to play the song. As you danced, you tried to avoid eye contact with Sanha, especially at some of the more intense parts that were inspired by idol dances. You took moves from both boy and girl groups, adding in a few of your own, and desperately tried to match it with the music. There was a couple times you’d miss the beat and have to scramble to catch up. But nonetheless, the song finally came to an end, leaving you breathing heavily and a grin on your face as Sanha clapped madly. “That was so good, Y/N!” He cheered, standing up to wrap his arms around you. You stumbled for a moment, laughing lightly as you hugged him back. “Thanks, Sanha. I messed up a bunch, though, and I know it probably looked really awkward, too. I choreographed it with the idea of a partner in mind, but Jeongin didn’t want to do it with me. I was thinking of asking Minhyuk, I know he’s been dancing for a while. Or Bin or Jinwoo, they dance too, right?” “We all dance! I can do it with you!” “Really?” You questioned, never quite pegging Sanha as the type to dance. “What do you think we all do in first period, hm?” “I honestly don’t know what your first period even is.” “It’s a free period for Jinwoo and MJ, and Music for the rest of us, so they come in and we either dance or do vocals together. We have after-school practices at Bin’s house sometimes, too.” “Wow, that’s actually pretty cool. Why haven’t I heard about this little idol group before, hm?” “We’re not idols.” Sanha pointed out, flustered as he messed with his hair. “Who knows, you boys might be one day.” “Ah, I doubt that.” “Sing for me.” He was clearly caught off guard, face turning pink as he fervently shook his head. “No way.” “Ya! You just made me dance for you!” You complained, and he seemed to realize his hypocrisy.

“Fine, fine.” Your friend took a deep breath, trying to think of a song to sing. As the melody flowed out smoothly from his mouth, you recognized it easily as I Need U, the song he had named as his favorite BTS song that one day in the hallway. It was so long ago.

Sanha’s voice was clear, surprisingly strong and level for someone his age. You found yourself transfixed as he sang, watching him intently, yet he was looking anywhere but you. As he finished the verse, you clapped excitedly, which caused a wide grin to spread across his face.

“That was so good!” You squealed,squeezing his arm supportively for a moment.

“Ah, I didn’t warm up before, but thank you.” Sanha paused, looking around for a moment.

“Something wrong, Sanha?” “No, I just- Let’s go down to the river!” Your friend suddenly burst into a run again, and with a sigh, you chased him down to the riverbank. As soon as he reached the waters’ edge, he kicked his shoes off, rolled up his pants, and stepped into the beginnings of the river. “How deep do you think it is?” He asked, and you shrugged. “It’s about up to my bellybutton, so for you, probably your hips or so.” “You’ve been swimming in it? We should go swimming!” “Yeah, in September. It’s way too cold now, and besides, we don’t even have swimsuits with us.” “So?” Sanha seemed unfazed, starting to unbutton his long sleeve school uniform shirt. He walked up to place it in the grass, then returned to the water in just his white t-shirt, gesturing for you to follow him. “Come on!” “Uh, no way.” You crossed your arms. “I can’t just take off my shirt and go swimming you ding dong! We don’t even have towels!” “Y/N, please?” He pouted, eyes pleading with you. “Nope.” “Y/N.” “Sanha.” You mimicked his whiny tone. “Y/N.” At this point, he was already up to his mid-thighs, pants soaked. “Sanha.” “It’s not even cold, it’s actually really warm!” “So?” “At least take your shoes off and get your feet wet with me.” Relenting, you slipped out of your sneakers and socks, then treading closer to the river. The water was in fact quite warm, you realized as it lapped at your ankles. Just as you were sarcastically about to ask Sanha if he was happy, you were met with a huge wave of water that reached most of the way up your legs. “Yoon Sanha!” You screeched, leaping away from him. “I’m going to kill you, you little punk!” Sanha had a mischievous grin on his face as he waded further towards the middle of the river. “How are you going to do that if you’re all the way over there?” Steeling your nerves, you took a few more steps into the river until you were close enough. With complete disregard for your earlier statements of not wearing a swimsuit or not wanting to get wet, you leapt at your friend. You successfully had tackled him in the middle of the river, causing the both of you to be almost completely submerged. As you continued your playful assault on him, more and more of you got wet, until the both of you were soaked from head to toe and tired of your river wrestling. “Well congrats, we went swimming. Now how are we supposed to go to school in soaking wet clothes?” “We don’t.” Sanha trudged out of the river, pulling his shoes back on. “If I wasn’t so cold and annoyed, I might like this bad boy side to you, Sanha.” You commented, opting just to tuck your shoes into your bag so they didn’t get muddy from the dirt accumulating on your wet feet. “Well then let’s get you less cold and annoyed so you can fully appreciate it.” Sanha offered his dry school shirt out to you. Begrudgingly, you put it on over your own wet uniform. It didn’t do much to warm you up, but you appreciated the gesture. “Thanks, Sanha.” “We should go to my house, I think it’s closest.” “Uh, your parents would most definitely not appreciate us walking into their home looking like this.” “They don’t get home for another five hours, it’s fine.” He said, taking your bag from you to carry it along with his own. So you followed Sanha to his house, which was in fact relatively close. You were thankful that school wasn’t out yet, nobody else needed to know about your midday skip and dip with Sanha. That could go downhill very quickly. Traversing through the streets barefoot, you desperately tried to keep up Sanha’s somewhat quick pace, his legs were way longer than yours. Thankfully the speed-walk helped to warm you up, and he was right about his house not being far away from the river. By the time you got to the familiar two-story house, you didn’t feel cold anymore. Until in the final stretch from the street corner to his house, the wind picked up, thoroughly chilling you to your bones. “Shit, that’s cold! You hissed, breaking out into a run towards the house. Sanha followed suit, desperately fishing his house key out and fumbling to unlock the door as the breeze kept coming. Finally, you both shoved your way through the front door, and slammed it behind you. Taking your arm in his light grip, Sanha guided you to the kitchen where he set your bags down, then upstairs. "I’ll get you some towels, and some warm clothes.” Sanha informed you, leading you into his bedroom before starting to search through his drawers. “You can change in the bathroom. Do you need anything else?” “Uhm,” You coughed awkwardly for a moment as you debated whether or not to inform him of the issue that literally every article of clothing you were wearing was soaked through. “You don’t need to give me your pants.” “Y/N, yours are absolutely drenched, you need to change!” “Yeah, well my underwear is also drenched, so that would just soak through your pants anyway!” Wordlessly, and with red cheeks, he opened another drawer and added one more article of clothing to the stack before handing them to you. You muttered a thank you before slipping into his bathroom. Starting by peeling your own wet clothes off, you took a towel to your body to dry the skin underneath, then to your hair. You attempted to tame your hair with your fingers before addressing the clothes situation. The last article of clothing Sanha had added was a pair of boxers, and you nearly burst out laughing when you saw that they had a pattern of a character from his favorite childhood cartoon. Your awkwardness faded away and you were still chuckling as you slipped them on, followed by the sweatpants and t-shirt. You were delighted to see that he had given you one of your favorite t-shirts of his, the blue and pink striped one. Whenever he wore it you would comment that he looked like someone from a kids’ tv show, which would only prompt him to puff out his cheeks and attempt to look as cutesy as possible. Emerging from the bathroom, you held your wet clothes in your arms, patiently waiting outside Sanha’s bedroom door. When he opened his door, his eyes were caught on you for a moment, and you shifted under his awestruck gaze. “Could I have a jacket or something? My arms are cold.” You requested, and he immediately snapped to attention, retreating back into his room before handing you a large zip-up hoodie.

“Thanks. Uh, where’s your dryer?” “Oh, yeah, here.” Sanha led you to the laundry room, and once you got the load started and slipped your arms into the hoodie, he dragged you out to the living room. “Movie?” “Sure, you choose.” You said apathetically, tucking yourself into the corner of the couch. He promptly settled in beside you, resting his head against your side as he looked through his Netflix. Your thoughts were elsewhere, the movie just providing background noise to your internal turmoil. Sanha was too sweet on you, and you didn’t know why. You weren’t spectacular at anything, and you definitely weren’t nearly as nice to him as he was to you. You were sarcastic, with a biting tongue, and sometimes too harsh of a sense of humor. But it never phased Sanha, he still pursued you. He softened you sometimes, like now, as you sat in his clothes on his couch, absentmindedly running your fingers through his hair; or like earlier in the meadow, when you were reading poetry together. But you were terrified, of what you would eventually do to him. This couldn’t last forever, you weren’t a soft person, you weren’t a nice person. You weren’t a person fit for Yoon Sanha. The warmth against your body was suddenly gone, and your fingers fell from the top of Sanha’s head as he sat up. You blinked in confusion, watching as he turned to face you, the most serious expression across his face that you’d ever seen. “Y/N.” He finally spoke, and you noticed that the movie had been paused. “What’s up?” “Nothing, Sanha.” You shook your head, trying to feign a smile. “No, there’s something. What’s wrong?” “Sanha, I’m fine.” “Y/N, you’re crying.” You hesitantly touched a your face, and you were, in fact, crying. Bitter tears slipped down your face, one after another. They wet your hands and your lap, but you kept crying silently. Your chest shook as you cried, and you could feel your lip quivering as you tried not to fall into full on sobs. “Talk to me, please.” He begged, grabbing your hand with his. You wrenched it away, sputtering out, “I don’t deserve a second chance. I don’t deserve your friendship. I don’t deserve you, Yoon Sanha.” “Y/N… I don’t know what else to say to make you understand that you deserve so much in life. I wish I could give it to you, and I’m sorry that I’ve failed you and that you still feel this way. If I could take all your pain and put it on myself, I absolutely would.” You could hear his voice start to waver, and when you looked up at him, his eyes were pooling with tears of his own. He looked at you with red eyes, and you could almost hear your heart breaking. “No no no, I didn’t want you to cry too.” You mumbled, wiping at his tears with your thumbs. “I’m not worth your tears, Sanha. Please don’t cry for me.” “Y/N, how the fuck could you think that?” Sanha’s voice suddenly turned hard. “Was I not good enough to you? Did I treat you so badly, that you still think you’re not worth anything? I thought I had tried my hardest, to show you that you deserve to be happy. I’m sorry, that I didn’t.” “No, Sanha, you did, I promise. You did so much for me, it’s my fault.” It really was your fault. It was always your fault. “Do you know why I wanted you to like me, why I wanted to be your friend so badly?” “Because you thought I was a wonderful person.” You answered his question with a confused frown, knowing that he had just told you this yesterday. “A wonderful person that I had- have, a huge crush on.” You just about choked on your own throat, shock halting the flow of your tears. Scanning his face for any sign of humor or something else that would signal he’s not being truthful. But there was a pink tinge across his ears and cheeks, and he had immediately started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt despite his confident words. He was telling the truth. Yoon Sanha has a crush on you. You wanted to immediately apologize to him, that he had gotten a crush on someone so horrible, that you couldn’t date him, because you wouldn’t be good enough for him, you would end up hurting him. But you stopped yourself from word vomiting. You were only thinking about yourself, pretending that it was for his sake. You’d been doing that this whole time, and you could see the disappointment and just plain tiredness on Sanha’s face from it. It was exhausting, to him and to you, to always be belittling yourself. He wanted you to love yourself, to have happiness so much, and here you were ignoring his wishes. You were hurting him almost as much as you were hurting yourself. You wanted to chastise yourself and hate yourself for being so selfish, but would that get you anywhere good? No. You needed to break this cycle. “I… have a crush on you too.” You finally let yourself say it. It would have been a big weight lifted off your chest, except an even bigger one replaced it, pinning you in place.

It was Sanha, who had practically tackled you in a hug, pushing you further back against the arm of the couch. You would have loved it, except you were awkwardly contorted, the wood underneath the upholstery of the arm pressing into your vertebrae. “Sanha, my back, please.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” He apologized, sitting up straight again, but one of his hands had found yours, holding on firmly. “So?”

“So what?”

“Where should our first date be? Ooh, we could go get dinner tonight! I’ll pay for you and everything!”

“Sanha, I’m still wearing your clothes, no way am I going on our first date looking like this.”

“I think you look cute in my clothes.” He said with a frown, and his newfound bluntness for complimenting you made you hide your face in your hands momentarily, you could feel your cheeks heating up.

“I also already have plans with Jeongin tonight,” You added, remembering your friend, and then glancing over to the clock under the TV. School was ending in two minutes, and you nearly rolled right off the couch, hastily running to the kitchen table where your phone was.

[you: hey, i’m not at school, so i’ll just meet you at your house]

[jeongin: that’s fine. you were at school this morning, where are you now?]

[you: sanha’s house]

[jeongin: i have a couple questions]

[you: i’ll tell you about it when i see you in like, ten minutes, okay?]

[jeongin: fine]

Clicking your phone off, you returned to the living room to see a dumbfounded-looking Sanha, exactly where you had left him. “Sorry, I had to let Jeongin know I wouldn’t be walking home with him.”

Sitting back where you had been before, Sanha slowly blinked, and you reached over to take his hand in yours again, missing the feeling just in the minute you’d been away from him. You couldn’t imagine how it’d be when you actually left his house.

“That’s fine.” He plastered on a smile, and you tilted your head curiously.

“We’re having a movie night.”

“Oh that’s nice.”

“At his house.”

“Cool.”

“And we’re just friends.”

“I know.”

“And he has a girlfriend.”

“So do I.”

You nearly choked when he had said that, the heat rushing back to your cheeks. “Who says I’m your girlfriend yet?”

“Who says you’re not?” Sanha retorted, which only made you lightly smack his chest indignantly. “Okay, okay, I get it. We should have at least one date before I call you that, right?”

“Three.”

“So we’ll have one date tomorrow, and since the day after that is a Saturday, we can have two dates that day.”

As he revealed his plan to you, despite how dumb you knew it was, you found yourself still with a fond smile on your face. Yeah, he was a dork sometimes, but wasn’t that why you liked him? He was purely just… himself.

“We’ll see what happens.” You forced yourself to stand back up off the couch, still holding Sanha’s hand and pulling him off with you. “I need to go, I told Jeongin I’d meet him at his house in ten minutes, and that was two minutes ago.”

“How far away from here does he live?” Sanha followed you back into the kitchen, fingers still laced through yours.

Thinking for a moment, you tried to compose a mental map of your neighborhood. You lived between Jeongin and Sanha, closer to Jeongin’s house and the school than Sanha’s house. Thinking back to when you’d walk to either of their houses, you did a small amount of math in your head.

“Nine minutes. So I’m already late.”

“Then what’s another two minutes?”

Narrowing your eyes at Sanha, you were trying to decipher what he was implying. “Two minutes to do what?”

“I don’t know- just, not leave me yet.” He mumbled, swinging your linked hands.

A fond smile found its way onto your lips as you hoisted your schoolbag onto your shoulder, leading Sanha to the laundry room so you could get your now dry clothes. You only let go of his hand to put them in your bag, then sat at a kitchen chair to slip your shoes back on. As you stood up, you put both backpack straps on. He immediately took your hand in his again, following you to his front door like a lost puppy.

“Y/N?”

“Yes, Sanha?”

“Have fun.” Your friend? boyfriend? date mate? told you with a soft and genuine smile on his features.

You were expecting him to whine and beg you to stay, but you were pleasantly surprised to see that he was willingly let you leave to see your friend. “Thanks, I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Call.”

“Okay, I’ll call you later.” You let go of his hand and wrapped your arms around his waist tightly. “Bye, Sanha.”

“Bye, Y/N.” He hugged you back with a firm yet comforting touch.

Your chest swelled and you couldn’t help but bury your face in his chest, just loving the feeling of being with him. But you’d already wasted another two minutes getting ready to leave, and Jeongin tended to get impatient, and you knew he’d have a million questions for you when you got there. Finally you had convinced yourself to let Sanha go, and opened the front door. Outside, the breeze had settled down, and you were glad that Sanha had given you warm clothes, it was still somewhat chilly.

“Y/N, one more thing?”

“Hm?” You turned around in the threshold of his house.

He swiftly leaned down, placing a soft peck on your cheek. Your face was heating up again, and you hid your face in your hands that were covered by the sweater sleeves. “Oh.”

Sanha had something akin to a smug smile on his face, clearly proud of himself for being able to make you flustered. “Bye, Y/N!”

“Bye again.”

With that, you forced yourself out of Sanha’s front door and onto the sidewalk, giving him one final wave over your shoulder. The wind picked up again as you walked, but you could barely feel it, your insides felt all warm and fuzzy from your interaction with Sanha. Not to mention that you had wrapped his hoodie around yourself partially to block out the chills and partially just because it reminded you of him. It was ridiculous how soft you were for him already.

Arriving at Jeongin’s house and knocking on his front door, you were ready for the earful you were about to get for being five minutes late. The door swung open, and you sheepishly smiled at your friend as he took in your appearance.

“I have a lot to tell you.”

So this is adorable and then maggie and I started talking about an au because of course we did. 

1.5k of chatfic edited for clarity below the cut (hs au, vietreau, rolo)

Ronan regrets every single choice he’s ever made. Well, he regrets all the choices he’s made that have led to this moment, staring at the wall in an Applebees bathroom, idly counting the tiles while he wonders if it will ever be safe to exit.

It started when Jon Favreau was elected Student Council President. The school paper obviously was going to do a profile on him and Ronan was the newly appointed editor-in-chief even though he’s only a sophomore so he wanted to get it right. He interviews all the other Student Council reps about Favs and his leadership style. Then he interviews Favs’ friends for good measure.

That’s where his fatal mistake begins. He’s talking to Tommy Vietor, who’s been friends with Favs for “as long as I can remember,” which in theory should give him some great insight. Then Ronan asks about how everyone seems to follow Favs like he’s some prophet and Tommy says absently, “well he’s easy to love. I think like eighty percent of people who interact with him get a crush on him, present company included.” Tommy doesn’t seem to notice what he’s admitted, but he’s got a smile on his face that Ronan files away as they keep talking.

A week later, he finally sits down with the man himself. Favs is electric to talk to, even as you know you’re talking to an extremely bro-ey high school senior who plays three sports but also manages to trip over his own feet daily. Then he says something super self-deprecating and it just slips out. “Hey I have it on good authority that multiple people have huge crushes on you.”

Favs looks, shocked. Apparently he really didn’t know. He presses for details which Ronan refuses to give, of course. The story runs three days later and Ronan’s waiting in the cafeteria line when he hears Favs, ten people in front of him of course, loudly declaiming about how he “cannot believe that people I know have crushes on me!” Ronan sheepishly peeks around to see who he’s talking to. On the outskirts of their group of friends, Tommy looks like he’s determinedly willing the floor to open up and swallow him whole. Next to Tommy, Jon Lovett looks directly at Ronan and grins. Oh shit.

-----

Lovett only joined the school paper this year because his English teacher wouldn’t stop scolding him how he’d be perfect for it. The best part about being on the school paper is the editor-in-chief. Lovett was never great at making friends. Then, freshman year, he somehow acquired the affection of a couple of jocks who moonlight on the speech and debate team. Favs and Tommy are great, really they are, but being friends with Ronan is something different. He’s never had to explain the chronology Star Trek to Ronan, for example. Ronan also currently holds the most interesting piece of gossip in the school.

“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me?” Lovett wheedles for the millionth time while they’re leaning over the layout for the paper in early November.

“I can’t betray my sources.” Ronan says seriously, just like every single time. The school really ought to give him an award for being the “most serious about journalistic integrity” high school newspaper editor of all time.

“What if I guess?” Ronan pretends to be ignoring him, but this is a well honed tactic. Ronan won’t crack and tell him who said they had a crush on Favs, but his face is more expressive than he thinks. “It’s someone we know. Someone who spends a lot of time around Favs. Is it one of his friends?” Ronan’s lips tighten. That’s a yes.

The next week there’s an exhibition debate. Allegedly Ronan is covering it for the paper but when Lovett invites him to come to Applebees with them afterwards he practically dives into Tommy’s car. Lovett squeezes into the booth opposite Tommy and Favs slides in next to him, spreading out with the happy glow he gets after a job well done.

“I just, really like to have the opportunity to know I can influence people’s opinions,” Favs says earnestly.

“Or your smile can anyways, must be nice to have a face that does all the talking,” Lovett teases him automatically. This isn’t new, but what follows is.

“Stop it. No one is being influenced by how I look. Most people don’t even notice,” Favs complains. But Tommy’s gone bright red and Ronan is studiously, carefully looking directly across the table at Favs, refusing to make eye contact with Tommy next to him or Lovett in the corner.

“Oh fuck!” Lovett yells. That gets Ronan’s attention and Lovett widens his eyes at him disbelievingly, jerking his head in Tommy’s direction. Ronan throws his hands up in the air and flees the table towards the bathroom.

Tommy and Favs both look embarrassed and confused and sort of annoyed. Oh right, Lovett is screaming in an Applebees with the rest of the debate team in the booths around them, looking on interestedly.  They stare for a second, but then go back to their own lives, apparently used to everything Lovett is.

After what seems like a long time, Favs finally ventures, "um, what?"

"Your anonymous source secret admirer!"

“That’s redundant," Tommy says, too fast.

"No its not, don’t try to distract me Tommy Vietor," Lovett snaps. He will not be diverted into an argument about grammar right now. Tommy is furiously red under his stare. "You are!"

“He’s what?” Favs asks beside him, sounding very lost. Of course he’s lost, he’s been so busy watching Tommy he’s never noticed Tommy looks back. To be charitable Lovett hadn’t noticed either, but it’s not his love life.

Tommy looks like he’s trying to become one with the booth. "You're stupid." Lovett says, softer. "He does too."

"Lovett..."

"Do something," Lovett says imperiously as he climbs over Favs’ lap out of the booth.

As he walks away he hears Favs say, "what the fuck?"

Do something. Lovett’s advice to Tommy echoes in his head as he makes his way to the bathroom. He pushes open the door to find Ronan leaning against the sinks, staring at the tile. “Look, your journalistic integrity is intact,” he announces.

Ronan cracks a smile at him, sheepish and Lovett crowds him until he’s got him pressed against the wall. “Is it going to be a problem for your integrity to date one of your staff members?” That earns him a surprised laugh and then he’s leaning in to kiss the grin off Ronan’s face.

-----

Favs is so goddamn lost.  Tommy and Lovett had a whole conversation in half phrases and looks and then Lovett narrowly avoided kneeing him in the dick and disappeared. “What the fuck Tommy?"

Tommy bites his lip and takes a deep breath,  "The whole thing, with Ronan's story for the paper and his anonymous source." Favs stares at him blankly. "Favs you’ve been talking about it for a month I know you remember it."

"Yeah."

"It was me."

Favs is nonplussed. "You weren’t anonymous, your name was in the article?"

"Right but.... fuck." Tommy runs a hand through his hair and then recenters himself and stares directly at Favs. "Jon it’s me. I have a crush on you. I was an idiot and said something stupid to Ronan about it and then he let it slip to you. I'm sorry." Favs stares at him for a long time. “Okay,” he says softly, almost to himself. Then he stands up, or tries to stand up, he gets caught on the table leg on the way. It’s undignified and Tommy would laugh at him under normal circumstances but this is far from normal.

He’s standing on the outside of the table, a hand pressed into it to steady himself when Tommy says, “Jon.” His voice is soft and resigned, with the tiniest note of pleading.

Favs swings himself around the table to land on the other side of the booth right next to Tommy. Tommy looks at him, surprised. "Hey."

"Hey."

"You have a crush on me?" Tommy nods nervously. Jon studies him carefully. "Good."

"What?"

"That's good, cause I have like, a giant crush on you. For like, forever."

"What?" Tommy yelps.

"I'm going to kiss you now."

-----

Ronan might not regret every life choice he’s ever made. His choices might have been alright after all, if they led to this night, making out with Jon Lovett in an Applebee's bathroom, finally exiting, giggling, when a middle aged man walked in and gave them a disapproving look. His journalistic integrity is intact and it looks like he has a boyfriend and when they get back to the booth, Favs has climbed almost entirely into Tommy’s lap.

“Fuck,” Lovett says. “We’re going to have the same anniversary.”

I was tagged by the wonderful @chapstick-in-my-pocket

Rules: answer 80ish questions and tag 20 people (lol we’ll see)

Last:

Drink: diet coke

Phone Call: um. the last phone call i’ve had? personally? according to my phone it was with my aunt on the eighth

Text Message: to my friend, we’re discussing a url and I just sent “That’s very true” and “It’s really cute” in separate messages but whatever

Time You Cried: really, really cried last night, watching the season finale of a show and watching certain characters face near death experiences and then being cliff-hangered until this fall :’) but i teared up earlier watching a youtube video

Kissed Someone and Regretted It: i don’t really regret kissing anyone. i mean. i only have one ex at the moment, and. if you asked me a few months ago, i would’ve been hellbent on how much i regretted that entire relationship, but i’m at some sort of peace with it now.

Been Cheated On: nah.

Lost Someone Special: um, i guess i’ve lost friends in the last few years? my ex broke up with me almost a year ago? my great-aunt passed away a year and some ago.

Been Depressed: a few years ago.

Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up: never, i’m underage and ain’t about that life tbh

Favourite Colours:

1. green

2. grey

3. black

In the Last Year Have You…:

Made New Friends: yes

Fallen Out of Love: yes

Laughed Until You Cried: of course

Found Out Someone Was Talking Behind Your Back: no? i don’t think so.

Met Someone Who Changed Your life: yeah

Found Out Who Your True Friends Are: yep

General Things and Stuff:

How Many Facebook Friends Do You Have: n/a, i don’t have a fb

Pets: 2

Ever Wanted to Change Your Name: nah, it’s pretty

What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday: um. nothing fancy. went to school as normal. got a few gifts and some money. had cake. that was it, really.

Time You Woke Up Today: 7AM

What Were You Doing at Midnight Last Night: sleeping for once

What You Can’t Wait For: next week so i can finish exams and be done with high school (and then i can’t wait for the beginning of june to get everything officially completed in my college prep, and then july for orientation and my student starter kit, and then august first for my start date!!)

What Are You Listening to: currently the typing of my keys, whirring of my laptop, and ticking of three clocks in the room i’m in. music wise, i’m about to be playing my music on shuffle.

Ever Talked to a Person Named Tom: yeah

Something That Gets on Your Nerves: people watching you/knowing you’re about to do something and “”””joking”””” that you should be doing it

Most Visited Site: i’m not counting tumblr/gmail/youtube because i usually rely on the apps, but website wise would be my hs login page/my courses

Hair Colour: dirty/dishwater blonde that’s gotten darker (but isn’t quite light brown)

Long or Short Hair: it’s short right now

Crush: yes, i think. i’ve mentioned her a few times

What Do You Like About Yourself: my sincerity

Any Piercings: single piercings in my ears

Blood Type: tbh, no clue

Nicknames: i mean sadie’s technically a nickname but i claimed it myself and literally no one calls me it

Relationship Status: single

Sign: virgo (i’m on the borderline of virgo and libra)

Pronouns: she/her

Favourite Show on the Telly: i’ve suddenly realized this is british. uhhh, i really, really enjoy this is us

Tattoos: no. i was promised when i was like six or seven that my sixteenth birthday gift would be one, but we got poor lol. haven’t gotten it yet bc we’re still poor.

Left or Right Handed: right

Have You Ever Had Surgery: if you count removing tonsils, then yes

Do You Want Piercings: mm a second set of holes in my ears would be nice, or up on the cartilage edge (idk the names of piercings sorry)

Sports: lol no

Favourite Holiday: umm, don’t really have one. christmas and thanksgiving are nice because of the food, though,,

Trainers: british speak for trainers is like sneakers/tennis shoes, so uh?? yes i love sneakers and i wear regular tennis shoes sometimes??

Favourtie Dish: one of my favorite meals is pasta chicken salad so that

Favourite Drink: besides water (bc gotta stay hydrated even tho i suck at it), diet coke

About to Watch: a youtube video

What I’m Waiting For: a reply to an email i sent to a teacher

What I Want: besides sleep, to be happy and content

Do You Want to Get Married: possibly, idk

Career: i’m going to be going to school to be a teacher so!!

Which is Better:

Hugs or Kisses: hmm, i think i was asked this a lil while ago and i think i answered with both

Lips or Eyes: eyes

Shorter or Taller: personally taller but i wouldn’t mind shorter idk

Older or Younger: um i think older bc i’ve always been the younger but i wouldn’t mind either way as long as it’s not a big gap?

Arms or Stomach: arms

Troublemaker or Hesitant: i guess troublemaker because i’m generally hesitant and gotta have some variation yknow?

Have You Ever: no jk

Kissed a Stranger: nah

Drank Hard Liquor: nope

Turned Someone Down: yes?

Sex on a First Date: no

Broken Someone’s Heart: yeah

Had Your Heart Broken: yep

Experienced Love at First Sight: ehh, attraction, not love

Believed in Santa Clause: yes

Believe in Angels: yes

Miscellaneous:

Eye Colour: blue

Best Friend’s Name: gabby

Favourite Movie: the first movie that came to my mind was tangled because i remembered reblogging a post and tagging it with something like “if i ever don’t call tangled one of my favorite if not my favorite disney movie then something is wrong”

Favourite Actor/Actress: i don’t? really have one? i don’t think?

Favourite Cartoon: the last time i watched a cartoon was years ago and it was multiple and it was basically cartoon network every so often playing the amazing world of gumball, regular show, we bare bears and adventure time and i enjoyed all of them?? but i don’t think anything can really beat the classics tom and jerry and looney toons

Favourite Teacher’s Name: in the last four years (my hs), i’ve had really three favorite teachers - a spieker, vermaire, and a grondin. they have all been and will continue to be lovely teachers - and i also had a college instructor for a class earlier this year, and her name is elyse, and she was the absolute best. i miss her.

also tagging anyone who wants to do this lol!!

im just scared that my herb garden would die on me, but im definitely gonna look into it haha and youve got cute boys in your class?? all of mine kinda suck?? maybe its because im still in high school so the boys are a lil more weird and immature 🤧 and yes!! we all have to keep a safe distance and sit apart from each other,, that sucks but the good thing is that i can see them and everything!! i really hope all of this will be over soon and you get to see your family/friends again!! and (1/3)

is zoom really that popular in the us? because i dont know anybody around me that uses zoom lmao and oh my god 93/34 degree f/c is INSANE!! is that normal?? because thats definitely a whole new level of hot dfafad but i know what you mean!! i miss my friends the most when its nice outside and id be doing smth with them :( homecoming king literally had me in tears because its somehow so relateable safsdfd and oh, definitely gotta check out key & peele!! and, yes!! i absolutely love becky!! (2/3)

that was so funny!! same, im probably gonna make banana bread today or smth because we have too many bananas haha and peanut butter cookies sounds delicious!! i absolutely love peanut butter but havent bakes anything with them so far? and, yes, frosting is like the best and worst thing at the same time? because i can never stop,, i feel like we all need smth to pass our time dfafsd and my week was nice, better than last week haha!! hope you got to enjoy your weekend like i did 💖💖 (3/3)

✿ ✿ ✿

ooo, maybe you can start with one plant then? rosemary is pretty easy to grow! there are sometimes very cute boys in my classes, like i remember last year, this one exchange student was from greece and oh my god??? he was beautiful. he’s really sweet and nice, and we talked a lot in that class :) oh yeah, high school boys are the worst but i also went to an all girls hs, so i didn’t have to see them often fortunately LOL and that’s good! i’m glad you get to see your friends 💓💓 i hope so too!!! a lot of my friends’ birthdays were in april and coming up soon, and we had so many fun bday plans, but unfortunately, they aren’t happening now ):

yeah, i think it is! all my friends at different colleges are using it for classes, and a lot of people in hs here are also using it as well! and rip it is unfortunately, i live in california, and the weather spikes up to the 90s usually as it gets closer to summer. it’s usually fine when we can go to the beach, but we can’t with social distancing and quarantine ): omg i was gonna watch it, but all i did over the weekend was sleep in and continue playing ac ajskdfklasds becky is adorable!!! did you watch their photoshop battle video? :o

oooo did you make banana bread? how did it turn out? 💞 i made cinnamon buns!!! they came out so nicely and tasted yummy omg :’) ooo if you like peanut butter, then you should try making them sometime! 💘 the cookies are really easy to make!! YES like i want to keep adding more frosting and making more flowers with them, but also... i must restrain myself before the cake to frosting ratio is skewed aksjdfals cooking and baking have been a good way to pass the time tho :’) and i’m glad to hear that!! i hope this week is even better for you 💖 ah yes, i had a very good weekend, catching up on sleep and talking to my friends 💗 i hope yours went well, too, lovebug!!! 💕

How do I make the best out of Previews?

Response from Maybach:

This is just my advice when attending any university’s preview as someone who has gone through the options process as well as seen many other students go through it over the years. Listen to what other people have to say, but I think I can offer something as someone who’s not beholden to any of these entities.

First and most important, I would try and talk to and get to know as many students as possible at least a little bit. If you talk to just one or two people, you get a limited sample that may not be indicative of the experience, especially if you aren’t very similar to them. That means that it would also be nice to talk to students here from your HS or area as their experience now could relate to how you might perform. Pay careful attention to people who are really disliking college and people who are really loving it. Most importantly, try to figure out WHY they feel this way and whether or not that would ever apply to you. Secondly, I would explore sitting in on some of the courses that interest you if you have an idea of what you will major in. Yes, they know you’re coming, but many of the courses will actually be indicative of what’s to come. No educational experience is the same at every university. Third, get some idea of normal social and day-to-day interactions on campus through your host. Sure the fancy shows and performances are fun and all, but you want to get an idea of what life will be like on campus 90% of the time and whether you like that.

Lastly, this isn’t specific to preview, but it should be in your mind. As you interact more and learn more, be sure to do research after your visit and keep contact information so that you can ask questions later that you’ll probably forget. As you explore your options, try to keep in mind what unique positives and negatives are at each school (they exist at all of them. Trust me) and whether or not they matter to you. Pretty much all the places you got into have great academics, smart and diverse student bodies, and good post-graduation prospects. What it will come down to are the nuances. What kind of campus do want to be at? Rural? Urban? Large student body? Small? Are you a big party person and how do you feel about the social scene? Are you already interested in one career path after college and is one of your options the best at providing that? Stuff like this is what can affect your college experience because arbitrary stuff like rankings (once you get into the top 50) become pretty much unimportant.

Have fun! and feel free to ask any questions at a later point in time. I really like Princeton and just want to make sure that all prospective students know what we do and don’t offer in terms of a college experience so that they can know if this is the place for them.

EXO HP AU: Chapter 1

So I decided to write a story for this AU because I love it too much. SO! Let’s get this started. The character focus. will change depending on my mood and the chapter, also the characters will probably bit a bit OOC at times. Also here are the blood statuses:

PureBlood: Sehun, Kris, Suho

HalfBlood: Muggle/Wizard: Minseok, Jongdae, Jongin, Kyungsoo

Creature/Wizard: Luhan (half-veela) & Chanyeol (Half-elf (tall elves))

MuggleBorns: Tao, Baekhyun

Creatures: Yixing (Unicorn that was turned into a human, attended normal Hogwarts before coming to Hogwards University)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sehun never thought he would ever see a place bigger than hogwarts itself but guess he was wrong. Hogwarts UNIVERSITY of Charms and Sorcery  was about twice the size of the old castle and looked almost brand new. The gigantic castle was surrounded by tall hedges and trees that hid it almost perfectly. Sehun took a deep breath as he took his first step towards it. He only wanted to eat and then go to sleep. The train ride had wore him out and he wanted nothing more than a good rest. As he approached the entrance of the giganic castle Sehun spotted two very famillar faces in the crowd and, suddenly feeling joyous ran up to them.

-Jongin! Tao! 

The two in question raised their heads and both their faces broke out in a delighted smile at the sight of their best friend. Sehun stopped right in front of them and studied them silently. Over the summer Jongin had become tan ad had grown to be as tall as Sehun himself. Tao on the other hand towered over them his feline like eyes smaller and more masculine than when they had first met. Jongin was about to open his mouth to ask Sehun something when he was interrupted by an old woman sporting a red and gold cloak.

-You three will be late for dinner.” She said her voice soft but her words stern.

The three 18 year olds nodded and rushed to follow the large group of lost looking first years, which is exactly what the three of them were. Sehun looked around feeling a certain nostalgia as the portraits waved and smiled at them, here it was just like HS (Hogwarts School except they were older and wiser. As they neared what seemed like the grand hall Sehun began to wonder if any of his older friends were here too. Unlike HS, HU (hogwarts university) was not mandatory. Sehun was only here because his parents told huim to, same with Jongin as for Tao since he was a muggleborn the feline like male was here because of his curiosity. They finally arrived to the great hall doors where a man dressed in yellow robes was waiting for them. The man, no older than maybe 30, grinned at the new students a gentle chuckle in his voice as he introduced himself.

-Hello! I’m professor Vindel and I’m head of the hufflepuff house here as well as your Alchemy instructor. Pleased to meet you. Now let me tell you how things are going to go. There are four tables in the grand hall, one green, one blue, one yellow and one red. I’m sure you all know what those colours mean right?

Sehun nodded and so did most of the first years. Professor Vindel continued.

-Each of you was sorted in a house at HS. Just go to the table that has your house’s colour, simple as that. Have a good supper and good luck!

Proffessor Vindel swished his wand at the door before diseaparating. The big doors fianlly opened on the beautifull room that was HU’s great hall. There’s no tunring back now, Sehun thought as he and his two friends took their first step towards it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tada! I know it’s short but chapter will get longer I promise, maybe.  I hope y’all like it tell me what you think! And yes I’m not using the HarryPotter series character because they don’t really fit in my idea of where this story should go. Also should I have romance in this? Who should I pair with who. Until next time I love y’all ciao~~

High School!Yoongi

And now it is time for the first half of the Daegu line, my lowkey spirit animal, a total cutie who actually looked really cute in his lil wig he had in the whole BTS high school thing like I’m surprised I would’ve never thought it would look that good but it shouldn’t surprise me, he pulls everything off damN IT, Min Yoongi aka Suga aka Agust D (also I just wanna add in a quick message to everyone to stay safe, I know there was just a shooting in Quebec and it breaks my heart to hear things like that are happening so I hope everyone is doing okay and that everyone stays safe)

This will be an extension of the teenager series (for the teen!Yoongi post, click here) the original post focused on the relationship, like the first meeting, the confession all of that fluffy stuff so this post is gonna be filling the gap in and saying what I think he’d be like as a high school student 

The teenager post featured American!Yoongi (here) to sum it up, he's a big city kid (most likely somewhere in New York) he was born in Daegu but moves to New York around 7 or 8 so Korean is his first language and then with your help, he becomes fluent in English but he’s also got the tiniest lil hint of an accent and it’s so cuTe

Onto the visuals for this bc I love fetus BTS so much

Okay so fetus yoon hasn’t fully grown into his features yet so his cheeks are a bit chubbier and oh my god they look so cute and squishy I love me some chubby cheeks like when bbys have the really squishy cheeks yeS  PLZ

I lo v e fetus!Yoongi so much I’m looking through pictures rn and oh my lord he was such a cutie he still is but now he’s in his evolved form, a cutie pie 

Onto hair, idk why but I get this image in my head of Yoongi hearing how dyed hair isn’t allowed so he comes back the next day with vivid orange hair

But if I were to stay true to normal!Yoon, he had black hair in all of his fetus photos so either way he’s looking niCe, he only dyes his hair for a few weeks until they give in and let him have dyed hair then he’s rushing to go back to black

Onto fashion, Yoongi’s fashion is actually one of my favorites

It’s pretty much all about comfort but bc he’s Min Yoongi he can make a baggy t-shirt and some jeans look cute as fuck

He wears a lot of looser things, lots of coats, lots of beanies and hats, lots of jeans he’s definitely a jeans person and of course when the weather gets colder we get the beauty that is yoon in a scarf I love seeing yoon look all smol bc he’s pretty much swimming in his scarf bc he gets these huge ass scarves and he’s so content all nuzzled up in it it’s so precious also side note Yoongi in flannel fuck me u p

HS!Yoon wouldn’t be any different, he goes for a lot baggy shirts and jeans and maybe a snapback or a beanie but that’s about as far as he goes

His outfits are still put together but he also goes for a lot of blacks and grays and whites so it could be that but sometimes he’ll add in a lil bit of color like he had this one outfit that was all black, black t-shirt black hat black bag and then he had this bby blue jacket with black details and it was just one of those “ight I see you” moments bc he knew what he was doing

Okay so I think that Yoongi is actually really smart in general (obviously music is his forte) so I don’t think his grades would be horrible, he may get a few Bs here and there but that’s only when he gets really busy with his music

But at the same time, Yoongi during finals is stressed out as shit and goes into full on study mode and lives off of coffee, gets to a point where he gets up, says he’s gonna drop out and walks out of the library but then comes back ten minutes later with a blanket around his shoulders, a kumamon plushie hugged to his chest and a box of donuts in his hands, tries to ask the librarian to move into the library temporarily

But he’s also that person that sits there after finals are over with and is like “why were you so stressed out lol it’s just a test chill”

I’ve said this a few times but Yoongi, to me, is a bit more of a loner, he’s not mean to people but he’s also not gonna jump through hoops to become friends with everyone he talks to  

He’s more of a quality over quantity type of person, he’d rather have one really good best friend than twenty not so amazing friends so he really only regularly hangs out with a handful of people

It’s you, the boys and this one other person from music club bc next head canon is that Yoongi is in the music club

Music and Yoongi will always go together for me, it’s hard to think of Yoongi without thinking of music as well bc he just lov es music so much it’s his passion in life and it makes him so happy

Clubs aren’t really his thing but it’s good to have something for when he applies for colleges and if he’s gonna join any club, it might as well be music

Onto sports, Yoongi has a well known love for basketball so he would be on the basketball team

You would come to every game, every practice (if you could) just to support your bf bc that’s your man and you’re proud of him and he’s highkey loving the attention

We all saw how flustered and shy Yoongi got when Jimin started screaming the names of the players on yoon’s team like he literally just hung his head and giggled that’s pretty every game tbh bc Jimin is also at all the games to support his bro

“MIN YOONGI”

“Jimin the game ended twenty minutes ago”

“MIN SUGA”

The two of you team up and make lil posters for Yoongi and it actually makes him really happy when he sees it and he gets that precious gummy smile on his face and after the game is over, he gives you this huge hug and he’s all soft for the rest of the night

Prom with Yoongi is really sweet and romantic and he’s a nervous bub the entire time he’s getting ready like how the fucK does a tie work what’s a bowtie is there a difference what’s a skinny tie does he want a skinny tie is that what people wear to prom

But then when he sees you, he gets that smile again and he gets a bit shy bc whoA that’s my babe but he doesn’t stop smiling the entire time and he even gets convinced to take a few cheesy before prom photos and even some actual prom photos 

Okay so Yoongi can get pretty hyped up when he wants to like we all remember the Baepsae dance practice where Yoongi is pretty much twerking and losing his shit that’s him at prom tbh he can be s o fucking extra sometimes it’s so funny to me 

The entire night, he has three modes, he’s either being his extra self or he’s judging the rest of the boys bc one of them is on a table, someone’s lost his tie, two of them have taken over the music and Yoongi’s trying to decide whether he should pretend he doesn’t know them, laugh or join in

But then the third mode is his sweet side where, towards the end of the night, he takes you onto the roof of the school and he has it all set up with rose petals and fairy lights and his own playlist to play so you two can slow dance in private bc Yoongi is a private guy when it comes to affection so he figures this way, he can make you feel special while keeping it between you two

You get to just rest your head on his shoulder and dance with him and if you focus on it, you can hear his heartbeat and both of you have this soft smiles on your face and it’s just really sweet and cute 

High school!yoon is just a music loving sweetheart who’s doing his best to pass his tests, writes essays the day they’re due and is super in love