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ugh-yoongi · 1 year

Note

your hand is touching mine and i can't stop myself from taking it & Yoongi

thank you for the request! i've had this sitting in my drafts forever, so it gave me an excuse to finish it (and why it's so long dgkjd one day i will learn what a drabble is). i hope you enjoy it. <3

i call this yoongi's romantic comedy of errors.

pairing: yoongi x f. reader

genre: friends to lovers, miscommunication, fluff/comedy

warnings: reader is taehyung's sister, they're coworkers, yoongi is really bad at asking people out on dates someone pls help our boy, some swearing. this was long and i was too lazy to edit it, so if you see any mistakes no you didn't.

wordcount: 2100

taking valentine's day drabble requests here ♡

Yoongi reaches for his wallet, cheeks aching from hours spent laughing.

He’s glad he did this—took a chance, asked you out properly. There’s none of the usual awkwardness that comes along with nights out, none of the dread of having to turn someone down, none of the guilt. No, this had gone well. Better than he ever could’ve imagined, and instead of preparing his trademark I had a great time, but… speech, he’s trying to figure out how to ask you out again without being a floundering, incompetent mess.

But then you reach for your wallet, too, and Yoongi—

“What are you doing?” he laughs, aiming for casual.

It works. You laugh softly, quirking an eyebrow. “Getting my card so we can split the bill.”

The words are out of his mouth before his brain can catch up. “What? I can’t let you pay on a—”

Everything comes to a screeching halt. A record-scratch moment. Because he finally figures out what’s going on, sees the way your eyes widen in panic at Yoongi calling this a date. Surely, he’d been clear enough when he asked you to dinner. He had to have been. He distinctly remembers wearing his best shirt into the office that day. He’d even worn the expensive cologne—the one he’d carefully rationed because you’d complimented it before and he didn’t want it to run out before he got a chance to use it properly.

No, he couldn’t have been that dumb. Still—he wracks his brain, tries to remember how he’d worded it, except now he’s in survival mode and everything’s coming up blank. So he does the only thing he can think of—“I can’t let you pay for your birthday dinner.”—and lies.

What a fucking idiot.

“Yoongi,” you say slowly, like you’re talking to the idiot he most definitely is. “My birthday isn’t for another four months.”

The laugh he forces out can only be described as a hellish witch cackle. “I know that,” he insists, “but I just figured why not, you know! Who says you can’t take your friends to birthday dinners four months early?”

You’re nearly stunned into silence. “But this isn’t even our traditional birthday dinner restaurant.”

“I wanted to try something new,” he answers, even though it comes out more like a question. He had wanted to try something new, and look where that’s gotten him. “Hoseok said this place was nice.”

“Yeah, but Hoseok’s been with his partner for eighty years.”

Yoongi’s laugh is pained, now. No more witch cackle, just the dying wheezes of a man running out of excuses and time. One of his favorite things about you is how smart and unwilling to put up with bullshit you are. A week ago, he never would’ve entertained being on the receiving end of it, but now it’s all he can do to tread water. “Oh, really?” he asks, playing stupid. “I didn’t think this place had, like, partner vibes.”

“There’s a little candle on the table,” you deadpan. “There’s a woman in the corner playing a violin. It absolutely has partner vibes.”

“Maybe I just wanted to splurge?”

Your stare is pointed, gaze full of suspicion. “Did you, now.”

There’s a moment where the light breaks through the clouds. Clarity, and Yoongi doesn’t make the same mistake twice. You’re not buying anything he’s selling, so he’s not going to force it. This wasn’t a date for you. He’ll tuck his tail between his legs and take the loss, and it’ll hurt, sure, and it’ll be one of those things that keeps him up at night years into the future, the embarrassment agonizing, but keeping your friendship intact is more important.

So he just sighs. Hands your credit card back to you and ignores your protests. “Of course I did,” he answers. Tries handing the envelope with just his card inside to a passing waiter, but you throw your arm into the aisle to stop him.

“Quit playing with me and tell me what’s going on,” you snap. “You’re being weird and I don’t like it.”

The waiter side-steps your arm and says, “Please unhand me, ma’am.”

(God, Yoongi’s going to have to triple his tip.)

“Shut up, Taehyung, I’m not even touching you.”

(Quadruple it, by the looks of it.)

Taehyung just sighs. “Fuck you, dude. I didn’t bother you the entire time you were on your date, and now you wanna mess with me when I’m just trying to cash out and go home.”

Yoongi says—“Oh, do you know him?”

—at the same time you say, “He’s my broth—what do you mean my date?”

Taehyung looks at you the way you’d looked at Yoongi. “Do you know where you are right now?”

You snap your fingers. “Because it has partner vibes, right?”

“Definitely has partner vibes,” Taehyung agrees. “There’s little candles on the tables.”

You turn to Yoongi. “I told you!” All he can do is shrug. Candles aren’t really his thing, mostly just ambiance, so what does he know.

Taehyung looks between the two of you, clearly running numbers in his head. How to not lose his tip, probably, or maybe envisioning what Yoongi would be like as a brother-in-law. No, wait—

“Okay, I’m gonna go. This is really weird and you’re both very stupid. Bye.”

You roll your eyes. “Yoongi’s just—”

“I literally do not care who my sister is dating! It’s none of my business!” Taehyung calls over his shoulder, much to Yoongi’s horror and the dismay of the rest of the patrons.

Once he’s gone, the two of you sit in awkward silence. He’s surprised you’re sticking around. The night has turned into an absolute shitshow, and Yoongi wouldn’t blame you a bit for leaving, though the fact that you haven’t has him hesitantly optimistic. Maybe he can salvage this, figure out a way to explain the miscommunication in a way that doesn’t sound condescending, because I’m sorry I thought I asked you out properly makes you sound like a dunce who can’t comprehend when they’re being asked out properly.

What a mess.

It’s not until Taehyung returns with his card, he’s tipped 50%, and he’s moving to put on his jacket do you speak. “Was he right?”

“Your brother?” Yoongi asks reflexively. You nod and his palms get all sweaty. “Um. I’m not really sure how to answer that.”

You snort. “Honestly, for a start.”

“I—okay,” he acquiesces. “Maybe not here, though. People are still staring and it’s making me want to throw up.”

The two of you move to his car. He turns it on and lets it idle, turns on your seat warmer and the heat because it’s cold outside and he’s already sweating buckets so what difference does it make. He’s got the anxiety shakes, anyway. And it’s not lost on him that this is new, too. Before, the two of you always met up in the city. Separate cars, separate ways. He’d picked you up tonight. Right at seven, just like he’d said, so he can’t figure out where everything had gone sideways.

“Okay, I’m just gonna—I did think this was a date,” he says. Feels good to get it out there, he supposes, but the way your jaw drops doesn’t make him feel too great.

You snap it shut. “Oh. Okay.”

He picks at his dress pants. He knows the fabric is expensive but not what it is. The salesperson at the store said it was one of their best and the charge on his card confirmed it. He’d bought three-million won pants for a date and he’d managed to fuck it all up. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Huh? What d’you mean for what. For thinking it was a date when it wasn’t.”

Friendships have survived worse, right? There’s a guy who works with both of you who divorced his wife of ten years and they still go on vacations together all the time, so the two of you are going to be fine. Shit, would Yoongi be able to go to Saint-Tropez with you after a divorce? That’s some heavy shit. That’s almost insane, he thinks. Does he have that kind of maturity? Is it maturity? The guy works in the communications department, so maybe he’s just… good at that? Maybe Yoongi should’ve asked him for some pointers.

“Can I just ask,” you start, and it’s the way you turn in your seat, angling your body towards him, that activates his fight-or-flight. Yoongi’s anxiety is not built for this kind of confrontation. Not at all. “What made you think it was a date?”

“My pants are three-million won,” he blurts out.

“You thought this was a date because… you’re wearing expensive pants?”

He groans. Bonks his head against the steering wheel and nearly has a heart attack when the horn beeps, far too loud for this parking garage. “No, it’s not just the pants. I thought I’d been very clear when I asked you to dinner that it was, like, a date. And then I almost said that and you looked really panicked, like you’d rather be buried alive, so I lied and said it was a birthday dinner even though it obviously wasn’t, and then your brother—and, yeah. I don’t know. Clearly I’m not as good at this as I thought I was.”

“Okay, first of all: yikes.” Yoongi nearly wails. “Secondly: Yoongi, you said you don’t date coworkers! Why the hell would I have thought this was a date?”

“In my defense, I said that a long time ago.”

“And never rescinded it!” you argue back. “Why would I think that’d changed?”

“Well—because!” Your stare is blank. “Because I picked you up—”

“I told you my car is in the shop three days ago—”

“And I’m pretty sure when I asked, I said, do you want to go to dinner with me—”

“Sure,” you concede, “as friends! We always go to dinner together!”

“But…” He sighs, runs his hands down his face. Might as well rip off the bandaid. “My pants.”

“Yoongi, all of your pants are expensive. You make an ungodly amount of money a year.”

“It’s Valentine’s Day?” he tries again.

You groan. “Yeah, and I’m supposed to give you a gift.” You run your hands over your face, and it’s really stupid, Yoongi thinks, because you’re wearing makeup. Did you always wear makeup when the two of you went to dinner? He can’t remember. He knows “no makeup” makeup is a thing, so he’s not all that confident he could tell what is and isn’t makeup, and it hits him for the millionth time this evening how bad he is at this.

“Look,” you continue, “let’s just… go somewhere else.”

“Maybe you should pick, since…” He gestures vaguely at himself.

You nod. “Yeah, good idea. That new ice cream place is close. We could go there.”

Yoongi glances out the window. It’s cold outside. A little gray, too, so it’s probably going to snow, considering it’s the middle of February and it’s been unseasonably cold, even for winter. But it’s not an outright rejection. It’s your idea, and if he dares to think it, the look you’re giving him is hopeful. He’s sure the wires in his brain will overheat and start crackling at the mere thought of you wanting to spend more time with him, so he’s agreeing before he can think twice. If his fucking pants are three-million won, they better keep him warm.

He doesn’t know what to do once you’re out of the car. Does he try to hold your hand? Does he loop his arm through yours? Throw an arm over your shoulders and pull you against his side? He’s already ten steps behind. He’s got a few centimeters on you, but your legs are longer, and it’s a little embarrassing, the hurried waddle he does to catch up. And he must sidle up too close, because your hand brushes against his.

Still warm, even though it’s going to snow. Even though you aren’t wearing gloves. All he can think is that the two of you are on your way to some new ice cream place because you wanted to go there, even though he’s put you through the ringer tonight, so he exchanges his stupidity for bravery. Closes in a little more, smiles when you look up at him and cock an eyebrow.

Because your hand is brushing against his, and he can’t stop himself from taking it.

For the first time all night, he knows it’s the right move when you smile.

#vday drabbles #yoongi imagine #yoongi drabble #yoongi fluff #yoongi x reader #jewel answers

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wolfstardaughter-jj · 2 years

Text

I love you and I'm not pretending

Summary: Because of Remus's condition, every full moon he's most likely to come back with wounds and scratches he has no recollection in getting. But the reader is always there to take care of him. Every. Single. Time.

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Song: I want you by Stephen Sanchez

Warning: wounds, blood, Remus being adorable, Voldy lost the first wizarding war so no one died:)))

Word count: 2k+ words

A/n: the irony is that I'm writing this while I'm sick too but regardless of that, I'm writing cause it's my fav thing to do when I'm sick. This was requested by this ask, Hope you like it<333

Your weekend was spent in your shared home with your boyfriend, Remus, cleaning up his wounds from the previous night at 5 am in the morning.

Most people spend their weekends cuddled up in their beds, sleeping in till noon. Because they had every reason to get all the sleep they could get over the weekend. But that wasn't the case for you.

Though he still disliked having you try to care from him, even after so many years of you doing it. You still do it, even with the occasional protests and refusals from Remus, which you always ignore.

During your years at Hogwarts, he kept a great distance from other people.

When he befriended James, Peter and Sirius, it really blindsided him. He never really planned on making any friends at Hogwarts.

He planned to stay under the radar and just go unnoticed the whole time he was there. But that plan obviously flew out of the window. Seeing as he befriended two of the most audacious students in all of Hogwarts.

Another thing that he never expected was that he was going to find the love of his life right in the halls of that very school.

He used to think that love wasn't in the stars for him. But after countless nights and days spent just being in your presence, he started thinking that maybe. Just maybe, there was someone out there for him, and that someone was you.

Obviously, he never wanted you to find out that he was a werewolf. He was worried you'd think he was a monster. Something he already thought of himself.

But one night, on one of your early morning strolls through the castle. You found out about his condition when you spotted James, Sirius and Peter trying to carry an unconscious and heavily injured Remus into the Hospital wing.

Later that day, when he woke up to you passed out with the rest of his friends by his hospital bed, he panicked.

But you assured him with all your heart that you didn't see him any differently. You didn't see him as a monster, you didn't see him as a freak, you didn't see him as any of that.

You just saw him as Remus. You saw him as the boy who helped you with your school work when you didn't understand them. You saw him as the boy who made sure to save a slice of pie for you every dinner because he knew it was your favourite. If anything, you saw him as an angel.

Ever since that night, you made it your mission to be there for him after every full moon. You'd help Madame Pomfrey with cleaning and patching up his wounds, and learned how to brew wolfsbane potions to help him out.

Remus wasn't exactly open to the idea, but he was no match for your stubbornness.

Eventually your friendship grew into a romance. One thing not many know was that you made the first move. But you weren't the only stubborn one in the relationship.

Eventually after tons, and tons of convincing, you finally got him to go on a date with you.

In Sirius words, "Merlin, Y/n, you're giving Prongs a run for his money."

You two would have dated sooner if Remus wasn't so adamant at the belief that you shouldn't be dating a "monster" like him.

Fast forward to four years after the two of you graduated from Hogwarts. After winning the war against Voldemort and saving the Wizarding world from his wrath.

You and your friends were finally living the closest thing to a mundane life you could have as a bunch of witches and wizards.

In your quaint two story home, Sirius and Peter were passed out in the living room downstairs. James was with Lily and Harry in the guest bedroom across the hall. While you and Remus were doing your usual post-full moon routine.

You were squatting on your bedroom floor, holding a warm, wet towel against one of Remus's fresh wounds on his bare chest. You were trying your hardest to be gentle with him because it seemed that the large gash on his chest was quite deep.

Remus's face contorted with pain as he leaned his head back against the cushion of the armchair. "Fuckfuckfuck," he groaned under his breath as he pulled his eyes shut.

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry love, just a few minutes more and we'll get this patched up. I promise." You cooed, holding his hand as you brushed your thumb against his knuckles.

You could feel a tight squeezes every time the towel would meet his skin. The metallic smell of the blood filled your senses, but you were used to it at that point. The blood was painting the fabric as you went but all you could focus on was Remus.

You were so gentle on him, it was as if you were scared he'd shatter like brittle glass. Your strokes were soft and swift against his skin. After having so much experience in the practice, you knew the routine like the back of your hand.

Just like you promised, you were done cleaning him up and was already starting to patch him up. The gift of magic made things so much easier for you two. You wouldn't know what you would have done without it.

As you whispered the healing incantations, you could feel Remus look over at you with a strong stare. You were used to his silent staring. It was something he'd actually do quite often but he'd never admit that himself.

But something about that moment felt different to you. From the look on his face, he looked lost in thought and mostly confused. You didn't know what was going on in his head, and you were curious.

"What's wrong, love?" You asked, taking hold of his other hand into yours as you finished the last incantation.

"Nothing, darling- Nothing's wrong. Why'd you ask?" He nervously replied with a tired grin.

"Remus, you know you're a terrible liar." You muttered as you sent him a disapproving look.

Remus let out a stained sigh as he leaned back on the armchair cushion, "I honestly don't know how you put up with all of this."

Those words rang in your ear with a disheartening tone, what does he mean by that?

"Put up with all of what?" You urged on as you tried to find his gaze which was trying so hard to avoid yours.

Finally, as he took in a deep breath, he looked at you with a sad look, "With me, with me being a werewolf, with- With everything about me! Merlin, you're too good to be with-"

"Someone like you?" You blurted out before Remus could go any further.

You've had this conversation with him before. It was before you two even started dating. It was about a few days before one of the full moons and Remus was more emotional during those days and he just blew up one night.

You told him everything he needed to hear, and you were going to tell him again. You'd tell him a thousand times if it meant he'd get message through his thick skull.

"My love, nothing in this would could ever make me stray away from you. You are far from a monster. Your werewolf side is a part of you and when I fell in love with you, I fell in love with every part of you." You went in to hold his face in your hands, brushing your thumbs against his warm cheeks as you saw his eyes start to well up.

You let out a sigh as you continued to hold Remus like he was the only thing in the world.

"You think I got into this relationship without accepting the whole you? I knew what I was getting into, you knew it too. And with every fibre in my being, I'm not leaving you anytime soon. You're stuck with me, Lupin."

Remus chuckled lightly at the sentiment, though it felt a tad bit strained due to the sharp ache from his chest.

"Remus, I love you and I'm not pretending. If I was, then someone give me an oscar cause I must be one hell of an actress."

The two of you chuckled as you started to lean into him. Your lips were dangerously close to his, just barely brushing against the surface. You could feel his breath against your lips. He seemed almost hesitant, almost like it was your first ever kiss.

"I love you too." He whispered before your lips crashed into his.

Though magic existed, Remus claimed a kiss from you was the most magical thing he has ever experienced. He never admitted that to anyone...sober. The minute you get alcohol into his system, all he can talk about is his galactic love for his girlfriend.

The kiss was soft and sincere yet invigorating at the same time. The feeling of his lips against yours felt so familiar, like flipping through pages of a book you've read a thousand times. Something you could do for millions of times and not get sick of doing. You wish you could just bottle how you felt every second you were with him.

You could taste the subtle hint of tobacco in his kiss, something you've grown to like. There was the welcoming taste of chocolate and coffee. The cocktail of flavours made you melt into the kiss.

You could feel Remus trail his hand up your back as he pulled you in, as if the small distance between you was still too much.

You chuckled lightly as you pulled away, pushing Remus back with a grin. As much as you wanted to spend the night kissing your wonderful boyfriend, you knew he needed to rest.

"You've got to rest, love. You've had a long night." You reminded him with a slightly concerned look.

Remus pouted in reply. He did feel the exhaustion start to catch up to him, but he'd rather stay up, kissing you, than go to sleep.

"Don't look at me like that, it won't work." You stated as you stood up from your spot.

"Aw come on! One more kiss, and I'll go to bed. I promise!" Remus pleaded as he looked up at you with a pout.

You rolled your eyes with a giggle, you found the gesture absolutely adorable. You knelt back to his level and sent him a teasing grin before meeting his lips.

Remus savoured in the kiss like it was the last one he'd ever have. That's obviously over exaggerating the situation, but his kiss felt just like that. A savouring kiss that lasted way longer than it should have.

You pulled back with a laugh, placing a quick peck on his nose before rising up to your feet. "One kiss, that was the deal, remember?"

Remus shook his head with a laugh as he slowly sat up as he prepared to stand up.

You bent down to help him up, going as gentle as you could. You knew he was still very weak and in pain from his injuries. It was a few steps from the armchair to the bed.

"Why just one kiss? Can't it be two? You know, since your kisses always help me out whenever I'm hurt." He pouted as he plopped down on the mattress.

You let out a chuckle as you leant down and gave him a kiss on the forehead, whispering "You're such a baby." Before your lips met his skin once again.

"Yeah but I'm your baby." He pointed out with a goofy grin.

You felt your heart burst at his words. You could feel your lips curve into a large smile as your cheeks heat up. "Oh Merlin, you'll be the death of me." You admitted as you climbed into the spot next to him.

"Too bad, I'm stuck with you, remember?" He laughed as he cuddled closer to you.

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luccfher · 2 years

Text

ㅤㅤㅤ“VAMPIBOY”

steve/eddie/robin/nancy/max/dustin/lucas x kas!male!reader.

N/A: You fuckers. Believe me, I am VERY grateful for the great support my first story got! As I said, it was my first time writing on Tumblr or writing something itself. In time I will try to find my "correct" and comfortable way to make my stories/oneshots/headcanon/canon etc!

+ If you like this type of content/story, it will help me get more inspiration for the future if you like or reblog! (or follow me). Whatever you want, you're free, my little duck. ♡

I'm going to emphasize something and that is that in the part where it is said that the reader is naked, you can really let your imagination run wild. (I say this because there can be both amab or ftm, honestly that doesn't matter, both are valid! ♡).

Summary: After the third victim of Henry/Vecna/01 he decides to “banish” you leaving your adrift in a completely different world than the one you were already used to. According to him, he no longer needed you because his plan had gone perfectly.

Warnings: detailed injuries.

ㅤAlthough this story doesn't contain anything ㅤsexual I still recommend that women o fetish ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤpeople don't read.

—Ugh... My- my back..—: They're your first words when you woke up in another dimension that although you belonged before, you were snatched from that one several years ago. Your skin was completely pale, full of burns by the sun and by the pavement that boiled without forgiveness from God himself, Your naked body was surrounded by a white blanket that increased the heat and suffocating air. As soon as you became aware of what was happening, you couldn't help but feel pain and burning in your back, You let out a desperate and fearful scream causing several police officers who were securing the area to lift the blanket, them and some other people around when they lifted the blanket they all gave disgusted looks and even many of them began to say that you were an undead, a demon or Satan. The pain did not let you hear or think clearly, someone or something had scratched you to the point of leaving very noticeable marks because the blood was still fresh. They were deep wounds according to you, you could feel every ripped muscle and your weak bones.

—Kill that thing!—: Apparently everyone had forgotten about that boy who they were blaming minutes ago for your “death”. Weakly you stood up to try to run, but when you wanted to run it was impossible because the burns on your feet and your malnourished body didn't help much, you wanted to escape at all costs and it was what you did with a lot of effort, your legs were weaker and you felt like a deer learning to walk. In the end you ended up falling off a cliff which led directly to the forest. You didn't know what to do or where to go, the whole town already knew who you were and surely they were looking for you to kill you, due to the great loss of blood you crawled under a rock and fell asleep, you were waiting for death as soon as possible.

That hope of dying asleep was extinguished when you heard a boy with long, curly brown hair curse a guy named Jason and how he had ruined the best year of his life. You quickly sat up and moved your body to a part of the rock where you couldn't be noticed.—:Look at me, I'm Jason and I blame the first guy I've been picking on for years, blah blah blah:—Apparently he was so focused on his business that he ended up sitting a few meters away from you, so you tried to make as little noise as possible or else he might end up walking away and look for the rest of the town to lynch you.

You spent a while listening to the idiotic things of the boy who, to a certain extent, seemed to be telling them to you. Time passed and he tried to fall asleep telling himself that everything will be fine by dawn. He had finally fallen asleep, you were determined to get closer to see him completely and not just let yourself be guided by the shadow you saw half an hour ago, you were delicately approaching for two reasons, your injured body and because you feared that he would do something to you.—:pretty:—you whispered under your breath and ran your fingers over her hair and cheeks without even touching them, although there came a time when you rested your hand on her shoulder.—:Who the hell are you? Will you hurt me?:—A brittle and somewhat thick voice came out of nowhere, it was that boy who by inertia took your wrist and clumsily squeezed it tightly.—:my wrist.. you're hurting me:—you exclaimed letting out internal moans due to the pain, you knew that the pressure exerted would leave you with a bruise.

—“shit, I'm sorry.”

—“no problem.”

—“Correct me if I'm wrong, but.. you're naked?”

—mhm? oh!:—you were dying of embarrassment and you didn't know how to cover half your body, you were so nervous that for the first time someone from this town wouldn't treat you in a disrespectful way.

—:don't worry! take my jacket if you want, I don't need it so much now:— he got up to be able to take off the black leather jacket and give it to you carefully.—:And..uhm, why- why are you like this? naked..:—He turned around so you could put on your jacket more comfortably but he kept asking questions about your appearance.—:I was banished.. from a place:—The tone of your voice diminished as you remembered things, since at the end of the day that was Henry, he rejected you but then when he needed something from you he came back to look for you.

—“Oh, I see, problems with your parents?”

—No.. no, Henry and his stupid plan-:—And once again, your mouth was faster than your thought.

After a long night under that rock, you and the boy were trying to explain several things that happened since the first death, you finally got to know who Jason was and why he had screwed up everything, likewise he also knew more about Henry/01/Vecna. It was a night full of laughter, discoveries and to some extent full of tears for both of us—:Look, I don't know if you know dustin, but I hope I can get in touch with him in the morning and ask him to bring some clothes, okay, vampiboy?:—A “yes” came from your lips as you hugged your legs and buried your head between them. That night they also came to introduce themselves to make the atmosphere less heavy (Eddie's idea!), the truth is that you didn't know why he gave you such a strange nickname.

—“Eddie, what's..."vampi" mean?”

—“Well, they are like bats, but human and they feed on human blood, they don't like the sun because they burn if they get under it”

—“Oh.”

—“Eddie. Holy shit. Are you okay?”

—:Nah man, pretty... pretty goddamn far from okay:—You listened to Eddie while you just hugged your legs and rest your head on them.You listened to Eddie while you just hugged your legs and rested your head on them. His plan was to introduce them to his new deadlooking friend and pray to God that everything went well.—:that's near Cornwallis and Garrett-:—Munson was stopped by Steve before realizing the location:—:I know where that is:—After that you only heard how Dustin told him repeatedly that they were coming, they didn't even give him time to tell them the clothes or that he was accompanied. You started to overthink how he would deal with them and how he would explain to them without the need to tell them that you are almost dead.

When he finished speaking he noticed how you were looking at a fixed point and you hardly moved, it was very obvious that you were worried about the fact that he didn't have time to ask them for some food or clothes as minimum, he didn't know how to cheer you up or comfort you, he was going through something hard too, how could he help you if he constantly heard people cursing at him through the news. It's Eddie though, so he started making lame jokes about the situation and surprisingly got a smile out of you causing your fangs to look pretty visible.

When they finally got there the first thing they saw was Eddie throwing himself off a small rock and saying to Dustin “butthead”, You still didn't come out of hiding until the brown hair started talking about how he had met a new friend, everyone was surprised since he claimed that he had had a long talk with a vampiboy and since he was someone close to a guy named vecna—:Poor, running away is getting to him:—Max exclaimed mockingly as he kept his arms crossed and turned around to face the forest.—:No... I'm here..:—When you came out from under the rock you felt the looks of fear/shock from most, you looked at the ground while one of the girls, Robin, he was covering your naked body with his body—:Why the hell r you all staring?! Let's go, we have to get clean clothes for... I'm sorry, what's your name?:—Several woke up from that trance after seeing you halfnaked and noticing the pale color of your skin.

Arriving at the truck you sat in the trunk in front of Eddie, you felt how he was constantly looking at your hands and lips, perhaps he was very amazed since minutes before he almost had a cardiac arrest when he saw very widely your fangs. Throughout the trip you complained when several holes in the street passed, since, Ever since you were under the rock, you never told Eddie about your injuries.—: Guys! I don't think we should take a complete stranger with us... what if he attacks us or something? Eddie said he was close to vecna and-:—Lucas was interrupted by Max with a blow to the stomach with his elbow, it was not the right time to talk out loud about what was right or wrong, only they knew why they helped you.

You managed to hear Lucas and it was for this reason that Max elbowed him. You let out a sigh and ignored all noise just by closing your eyes, this was tormenting you so much, you felt that all this was almost a vision of Henry or even an illusion to torture you, your thoughts were diminishing little by little just like your guard.—:He's falling asleep, Eddie... could you?:—Steve said without concern and giving him a small gesture that was enough to know what he really meant, Eddie just nodded and gently settled your head on his lap and the rest of your body he tried to accommodate it for the remaining space that the trunk had. He didn't know where to place his hands and he hadn't thought about putting them on you, he had noticed from the beginning that you felt discomfort in your back, in the end he ended up putting his hands behind his head.

During the trip, everyone began to make theories about how a human could be in such conditions, however they did not deny that you had very... particular things.—:vampire?:—It was the first response that was obtained from Lucas after a time.

— “hey, guys... maybe he was right?”

— “What?”:—They all said the same answer.—

— “It would be like a type of "vampire", rather something similar to a vampire bat. They are characterized by consuming animal blood, but the thing it's that he can survive 6 months without food, now the question is... where he come from?”

—:I think the answer is very simple, if monsters and shit have come out of an alternate world, why shouldn't a vampiboy come out?:—For a moment most of them stared at him after his sudden and ironic response, but he wasn't wrong and less so after the talk they had had under the skull rock, everything made sense. As soon as they got to Steve's house, he and Eddie tried to pick you up so they could get in, when they managed to make you aware of the situation you started denying strongly and unconsciously your nails on the Munson boy's arm.—:Light... makes my skin... u-uhm...:—The lack of words made you feel useless, you didn't know, or rather, you couldn't find the right ways to express what you needed.

When they managed to understand you, they decided to take some clothes to the truck and that you will change in there, when you were finally about to put on a blue jacket with white lines, Nancy came in from the other side and very conspicuously noticed the large scratches that you had all over your back.—:what happened to your back?!:—His shout alarmed the others, causing them to approach in a hurry—:What are waiting for? bring alcohol, cotton and some bandages!:—That's when they started looking like crazy. Time passed while Nancy tried to heal your wounds and you just writhed from the immense burning when she placed alcohol to disinfect the wounds.—:Hold still, I don't want to hurt you more than you already are:—You resisted for a few moments and made the suffering end as soon as possible, obviously you had to bite your lower lip to not let out any kind of noise. Luckily the burning stopped when he put on some gauze pads with tape and the bandages.

When you put on your shirt, everyone settled back in their respective seats while they went over the plan to get on the boat to look for the portal.—:And exactly what will we do when we get there? 'Cause I highly doubt we'll all fit in one boat:—Eddie was as nervous as everyone except for one person in particular, you. You knew what everything was like in that world, every "secret" inside the upside down so you had to be answering thousands of questions that they asked in search of calming their nerves, obviously your answers were very few and were more signs than anything else.—:As i told you, robin, (y/n) can't go with us 'cause his wounds they don't heal at all:—You admired the way Nancy seemed like a born leader, and especially how everyone had listened to her... well, almost everyone since Dustin spent a lot of time with his idea that he should go within the boat because he had discovered the portal and apart because it was his compass.

the end was very dry and perhaps without much desire, I know and I'm sorry for it, but my brain was not giving for more. T-T

I used as a reference to the reader's wounds a photo of a character that was played by Joseph:

Without further ado, I say bye bye and please, be patient with the stories.

#eddie munson x m!reader #stranger things #stranger things x reader #joseph quinn #gn!reader #male reader #ftm reader #steve harrington x male reader #robin x nancy #robin x male reader #max x male reader #eddie munson x male reader #eddie munson icons #stranger things icons #stranger things x you #sorry ladies I'm gay #gay

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untaemedqueen · 1 year

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At Your Service

Escort!Jeongguk x CEO!Reader

Genre: Strangers to Lovers!AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut

Series Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Cold Heartedness, Emotional Trauma, Healing, Smut, Dark Humor, Unexpected Pregnancy, Almost Instalove, Instalust

Warnings For This Chapter: Fake Date

Chapter 3.

Over the course of the evening Jeongguk realized just how misunderstood and hurt you must be inside. Even though you do an incredible job at shielding this away from the outside world.

He can already tell your fake smile apart from your genuine ones, the way your eyes crinkle when you're actually smiling is the tell.

It's his job to pick up on these things, he's great with social cues and it helps him understand his clients a hell of a lot more -- but with you there's something so intriguing that he can't help but want to understand you more.

The salmon dinner you had delivered was brought by a man in a tuxedo with white gloves that waited on the both of you hand and foot. And while Guk thought he would find this incredibly troublesome and uncomfortable, he didn't.

The waiter, Pierre, felt like a regular in this large mansion, he knew where all of the plates and glassware were and he was silent as a mouse while he did it all but you didn't treat him like the help.

You asked Pierre if he needed anything, even going so far as to stop your conversations mid-sentence to ask him. You genuinely care even if you hide that away from the world as well.

So now as dessert rolls around it just feels like the escort is hanging around with a friend of his and the picturesque gardens and the gigantic mansion fade into the background until it feels like it almost never existed.

He can only see you.

"We should go on a follow up research date," Jeongguk announces, grabbing a small millionaire shortbread cookie off the silver tray in the middle of the table.

You notch an eyebrow, giving your full attention as you swirl your dessert wine in your glass.

This man feels nothing like an escort in your eyes. When you first saw him, his image practically screamed at you to fall to your knees and listen to every little instruction he gives you but in actuality Jeongguk is the opposite.

He listens, he pays undivided attention to you and his body moves naturally like all he wants to do is soak up time in your presence.

As someone who has now spent years just observing people instead of getting involved and interacting with them, you've learned a lot about this man in such a short amount of time.

He doesn't care about money, not really anyway. When he first stepped foot into the sterile mansion, he was dumbfounded but then as time went on it didn't seem to faze him at all.

Guk cares about the person in front of him, he listens avidly to everything that they say like they're the only person in the universe that exists.

You haven't felt this comfortable in a long time, not that you've laughed and carried on long-winded conversations so far but you still feel relaxed in his presence.

"Research date?" you muse, lifting your glass to your lips.

He nods then, the subtle glow of the moon highlighting his silver eyebrow piercing. "Yeah. I know some things about you now but it's good to see clients in a social setting as well."

The thought of being around a lot of people makes your skin itch and you involuntarily scratch at the back of your neck awkwardly.

Guk sets down his wine, observing you in a matter of seconds.

He should suggest something that wouldn't make you anxious so he offers the only thing he knows you like. "We can go to the zoo."

You haven't been to the zoo in years. The memory of your father flits around your mind immediately and that's enough for you to nod. "Can I buy it out for the day?"

Guk gives you an incredulous smirk, folding his arms. The way his biceps ripple beneath his work shirt makes you distracted for a moment before he's pulling your attention back to his face. "You buying out a zoo is not going to make it a social setting."

"Can I buy the exclusive VIP tour then?" you inquire.

"Will that make you feel more comfortable?" he replies, picking up his glass of wine.

"Yes," you answer honestly.

"Then yes, let's be VIPs for the day."

Your smile then is genuine, crinkling the corners of your eyes sweetly. You smile at how considerate he is, you smile at the fact that you have someone to go somewhere with, and you smile because you're comfortable.

And Jeongguk's promise to his best friends that he wouldn't look at a client the same way as he looked at Chloe slowly feels like it's breaking already.

What you do know to be true about Jeongguk so far is that he is gentlemanly, polite and understanding.

But you still have this underlying sense of distrust that your therapist has told you equates to just how vile Jasper was to you when he cheated. It created this huge turmoil deep inside of you almost like mildew on walls -- it grows and grows until it's taken care of.

You've never truly taken care of it. You just push it to the back of your brain and lock it away hoping that it'll somehow disappear for good.

The opera has always done a great job with drowning out the hopeless thoughts you have but when Jeongguk left that night after dessert, you didn't play any music.

You let the night sink in and you experienced something in its entirety for the first time in years.

As you laid in bed, you let thoughts of the escort consume you. You told him things that night, simple things but it's more than Namjoon probably even knows.

Jeongguk knows your favorite color, your happiest memory, your need for revenge against the two happy life ruiners, he knows how your booming business is just a distraction so that your brain can't process anything from years ago.

And yet, you know very little about Guk.

You could see how it turned out to be that way as the night ticked on in your gigantic, expensive bed.

But it made you curious about the escort. It made you want the same exact answers from him.

So now as you sit outside At Your Service with your Gucci sunglasses on and your long black leather gloves that reach your elbows, you vow to yourself to get those answers.

You're excited for the zoo, if you're being honest with yourself. While it is incredibly early to even be outside, you like knowing you'll have hours to see every animal within the large conservation park.

As for Jeongguk, he can't even step out of his office to meet you at your car because he's being bombarded with questions by his two best friends.

"Can you both move?" he scoffs, sliding on his leather jacket.

Jimin and Taehyung slide closer to one another, folding their arms in tandem with wicked smiles.

"Answer the questions, Guk," Jimin orders, shutting the office door with the heel of his foot.

The sound of the glass door rattling the glass walls around them practically makes the younger escorts teeth rattle.

He doesn't want to even deal with this right now but if he doesn't then he's never going to be able to leave. And he would rather not disappoint you, you've had enough disappointment in your life so far, or so he thinks.

"Holy shit," he breathes, rolling his eyes, "I'm going to the fucking zoo-"

"Going on a date to the zoo," Taehyung interrupts.

"I'm going on a research date to the zoo with my client Y/N so I can see how she interacts in a social setting. I want to make sure that when I take her to the wedding she'll be able to be comfortable-"

"May I just fucking interject that the last time Jeongguk had a client, he didn't give a shit if she was on her hands and knees vomitting into a toilet from food poisoning but now his new client gets two meetings before this wedding that's three whole months away," Taehyung heaves.

"Good point," Jimin chirps, high-fiving the man beside him.

"Oh my God," Guk mumbles, combing his hands through his hair. "You're both so immature."

"Listen, if you're gonna fuck then fuck. But as your life partners and best friends, we just wanna know what's going on," the oldest breathes.

"I'm not fucking her! I'm going to the zoo! Jesus Christ!" your date scoffs, pushing his friends out of the way.

"You're gonna break your promise," Tae sings, steadying himself against the leather couch.

Guk stops in his tracks, thinking back to the dinner date you had not even four days ago before clearing his throat.

He did feel himself losing all semblance of that promise that evening.

"She is my client," he exasperates.

"So was Chloe," Jimin states.

With the roll of his eyes once more, he steps out into the carpeted hallway. "They're different."

It didn't take him long to get to the front door of the agency. The escort thinks to himself how he's going to apologize and make sure you understand that he was held up against his will but the thought flies right out of his head when he sees you.

Your McLaren sits perfectly shiny under the early morning sun and it's so striking that it makes the escort blink. You're not in the driver's seat, nor on top of the hood daintily waiting like Chloe used to.

Instead you're handing a man in tattered looking clothes some money and trying to be as secretive as possible about it, not for yourself of course but to make the man not feel like a burden upon society.

Jeongguk looks on with fascination, simply floored with how thoughtful you are.

You give the homeless man a smile -- a genuine one.

"My God," the escort chirps.

When you turn around to head back to your car, he catches your ensemble. You're decked out in black from head to toe looking as if you're going to someone's funeral. But it would be a fashionable funeral no doubt.

You wear the Gucci and the Balenciaga almost as if you're astonished you even have it and Jeongguk loves that about you.

It's one of the many things he can remember about your meeting vividly.

Your head bow to him is what makes him break out of his short lived reverie.

"Good morning," he announces, walking down the steps of the business.

"It is a good morning," you decide, opening up your door.

Guk decides not to comment on your car, he doesn't think you'd like being complimented on how much money you have. It seems obvious after dinner the other day.

You reach to turn off the opera music but Guk's hand wraps around yours before you can get there.

"I like The Magic Flute," he breathes, giving you a smile.

You want to assume he did his research to seem more knowledgeable on the subject and that he doesn't actually like it but you'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

The car ride is silent for a while but you're alright with it, the air isn't taut with uncomfortableness nor anxiousness and you like that.

You wonder when it's the right time to ask him things. You haven't spoken to anyone but Namjoon in ages and he initiates conversation first.

So you bite the bullet.

And apparently so does he.

"Whats yo-"

"How have-"

Guk chuckles deeply, the sound like harpsichords and the chilly morning breeze.

"I'm sorry, you go first," he offers politely, tilting his head to look at you.

"Oh, no, you first," you breathe.

He notices how you grip the steering wheel tighter and he concedes quickly to spare you the pain of awkwardness.

"How was the past few days? Miss me?" he jeers, lowering his window.

He doesn't miss the gentile smirk you give through the side mirror and his heart wants to melt to fucking goo inside of himself.

Not a good sign.

"I'm a businesswoman, I remain professional at all times," you reply.

Was that banter? Are you joking around with him?

He wants more.

"Nah. I think you missed me," he quips, putting on his sunglasses.

You pick up your coffee and take a sip, getting ready for the long drive to the zoo.

"What's your favorite color?" you inquire softly.

Guk puts his hands behind his head and you do the both of you the favor of opening up the roof to a convertible.

"My favorite color is sage green."

"That's specific," you reply.

Guk chuckles, shrugging his shoulders and running his fingers through his hair. "I've always been a specific type of person."

"I got you coffee earlier… What's your favorite memory?"

The escort looks down at the cup holder and there's a warmth that spreads through him knowing you were thoughtful.

"Favorite memory? Holy shit… I haven't thought about that in a while. Lemme think," Jeongguk breathes, picking up his coffee.

The car is silent for a few moments and you can practically see the cogs turning in his head out of the corner of your eye.

Finally he clears his throat awkwardly and you slow the car down to hear him above the engine.

"My happiest moment is probably when I got accepted into Stanford."

"You went to Stanford University?! What did you study?!" you inquire.

You didn't expect this, not because he's an escort but because you went as well.

"Theoretical physics."

Your eyes widen and you turn your head to him for merely a moment to show him your shock.

To be accepted into Stanford for such a deep thinking major is phenomenal, he must be one of the brightest minds of the century.

It intrigues you. It pulls you in.

"I went to Stanford too," you add with a small smile.

"You graduated," he breathes, lifting his coffee cup to his lips.

You can hear the pain in his voice, you can hear the disappointment and it reels you back in.

"Wh-What happened?"

Guk shrugs his shoulders stiffly, staring ahead at the asphalt road that disappears beneath the car. "It's a long story. Maybe I'll tell you one day."

You might like that.

<---- Last Chapter Next Chapter ---->

#at your service #ays #chapter 3 #chap 3 #jeon jeongguk #jungkook #jungkook smut #bts #bts fic #jungkook fic #jeon jungkook

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meimae · 1 year

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Today is my 3rd year of learning Japanese through immersion!

For the most part, I was just in maintenance mode as I tried to take care of myself and reassess my goals. Basically, I went through a lot of burnout when I realized I couldn't really make a career with my pursuit of fluency in this language. I then tried to pursue baking and started a small business which was fun, but ultimately wasn't very profitable because of how expensive the ingredients are. I made another career change which has been fulfilling so far because of how nice and helpful everyone is around me, the only drawback being that it's on a graveyard shift, which makes it difficult to immerse when I feel sleepy during the afternoons when I finally wake up.

I think a lot of things in my life changed for the better tho, and I'm still grateful for a lot of people in this community who continue to inspire me to pursue great things and to keep going despite everything crazy going on.

I still am doing daily Anki reviews and currently have 19,567 learned words in my deck now, most of which I've decided to suspend because a lot of them were way past the 1-year interval. I also feel the need to "refresh" and "start from scratch" by basically doing all new cards once I find a schedule that allows me to immerse again. I haven't studied many new cards either and have just been waiting to mature all of my cards so I can suspend them in preparation for the refresh I'm hoping for.

I also thought that because I barely spent time with the language I would just forget all of it, but to my surprise, any time I pick up something to read or watch a drama or an anime episode, I could still understand a lot of what was going on (with some Yomichan cope of course, lol). I'm not sure if that's because I had already put in 3000+ hours in the language before I finally decided to take a huge break from it, but nonetheless, I'm glad I don't have to do much in terms of getting back on track whenever I feel like dedicating time to it again.

That's it for my little update. Hopefully, a fresh start and some really interesting content can get me back into reading and watching. I still love this language and I don't think at this point I can ever unlearn it.

Thanks as always, and I hope to update you soon. ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧

#language immersion #japanese language #language learning #language acquisition #japanese #studyblr #langblr #japanese langblr

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itlivesproject · 1 year

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*SPOILERS* Any wise words for someone who is struggling to like Amalia?? She really grinds my gears on a personal lvl, i do appreciate her character and role within the narrative thats *chefs kiss* but shes so pushy 😭😭😭 like girly no one is stopping u from doing lawyer things without me! And then when she got deleted from the UoO system she really struggled to see the big picture??? If we know the Power deleted her, why does she insist on doing things in a normal capacity???

I hope this made sense and didnt come off to rambly, despite my grieviences with Amalia I wouldnt delete her from the game or anything, i do like what she represents and honestly this enitre game is just the best thing to occur this year!

Here are some wise words. Also, I did not intend for this to be so long 😅

Consider things from Amalia's perspective. Although we are playing as the mc, rowan (i'm gonna call them that in this response) is not the center of the universe and everything Amalia does for them, she doesn't have to. Ro begged Amalia to join them in hunting monsters and terrifying dogs and she hesitated a grand total of like three seconds before giving in. At the beginning of the game, Amalia (whose school literally starts in less than a week) is sacrificing her time to help Ro get settled in for school, find an apartment, and basically taking care of all the practical things that Ro would genuinely forget about if left to themselves. She gives up her summers (which she could spend working or studying or taking extra courses) to help Ro on their personal vendetta against power creatures, and consistently puts her life on the line for Ro. So when you consider her being pushy or perhaps selfish for worrying about her future and wanting Ro's support for once... maybe think about all the times she's supported you first.

You must understand just how important Amalia's future is to her. Aside from Rowan and her family, her goals and ambitions are the most important thing in her life for a few reasons. One, she feels like she can make a difference in peoples' lives and needs to do so. Two, she wants to make her parents' sacrifices worth it and make something great of herself. Three, she doesn't want to have to depend on anyone, she wants to be fully independent and take care of herself so she can help take of others. Like I love Noah but mans completely depends on Connor for his survival lol. Amalia doesn't want that. Idk if you've been through college, but she had one more year left!! One more! Imagine the prospect of having to start over from scratch after the hundreds of hours you've spent in class, on assignments, studying, and not to mention the money she spent that she won't be able to get back. This is probably the most difficult thing that has happened to her, not just in the sense that it's a hard thing, but in the sense that she was just royally screwed. Her future is on the line, and for the first time, she wants Rowan's support like she's always supported Rowan.

She is pushy about Rowan going to college but that's because she's a good friend! She knows that this isn't sustainable long-term and she doesn't want Rowan to wind up dead in a ditch someday. Hunting is dangerous for two reasons: physically you might get killed, and when you're hunting you're not preparing for your future. How is Rowan going to make money? Get a job? Ro doesn't have a family to support them and they need to learn to take care of themself. Amalia supports Rowan enough to go along with them and make sure they're safe while chasing monsters while also trying to encourage them to be smart and make choices that will benefit them long-term in life. That's not being pushy, that's being an actual good friend who cares more about what's good for you than only saying what you want to hear.

Finally, consider that Amalia and Rowan have no idea that their story is taking place in the final installment of the It Lives series. The Power has been causing problems for decades, centuries even! Why would Amalia have any reason to think that their investigation will actually end anything? As far as she can tell, fighting the Power is like trying to stop a boat leak by putting your finger over it. It's like the meme guy slapping a piece of paper over the giant leak. She views your situation as powerless. She supports Ro not because she thinks they'll actually make much of a difference, but because she knows Ro is going through it and will do this with or without her, so she figures she may as well be there as much as she can to keep Ro safe. But in her opinion, the Power is unstoppable, unbeatable, and it's best to just step away from it and try to live life as normally as you can. You're not the main character of the universe, this isn't your problem, you should try to live your life and be responsible and have a future.

So this is my list to understand Amalia and her perspective better 🤠 oh and thanks for enjoying and supporting the game, we truly appreciate it 💖

#ask #anon #mod win #amalia de leon #amalia de león #long post

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javathewildone · 1 year

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One Day - Heartland AU (Part 34)

Parts: 33, ... 35

People watching was a hell of a pastime. You could learn so much about an individual as well as overall human nature by just observing behaviors and mannerisms of fellow man. Amy spent a great deal of the evening doing just that from her place at the wooden picnic table. She chatted with Soraya for a majority of the time who introduced her to a few of her own friends that showed up, but aside from Ty and Jack, she knew no one well enough to engage in deep conversation. She learned Jack and Lisa were a true opposites attract love story based simply on the clash of rustic cowboys and posh equestrians mingling in the yard. It wasn’t a huge crowd, but enough to make it easy for her to become invisible.

Wherever Lisa drifted in the crowd, Jack wasn’t far behind. Amy wondered if he even noticed how he gravitated toward his wife. She found herself spending a lot of time watching them interact within the venn diagram of their marriage. It was as fascinating as it was inspiring. Amy knew better than to believe in the fairytale she imagined for their love story without even knowing all of it. Jack’s brooding while Lisa was gone for those few months said a lot. She was sure that was probably the root of some arguments over the years. So far as Amy understood, Heartland was Lisa’s home base, but she still owned and operated quite a lucrative farm of her own not far from there, as well as her breeding investments in France.

Feeling eyes on her, Amy’s gaze drifted toward Caleb who grinned and waved, beckoning her over. He arrived not long after Lisa to set up the music, getting into an argument with Soraya over the playlist he was supposed to send her yesterday but didn’t. Amy kept out of what felt like a lover’s quarrel, though spent much of the afternoon waiting for the tension to snap between him and Jack. Caleb didn’t entirely ignore his old boss, but there was clear animosity in their curt pleasantries. They hadn’t spoken a word in the last couple hours since the party came into full swing.

Sighing, Amy stood and wandered over, figuring she could use another drink anyway.

“You looked a bit lonely sitting there. Wanna give it a try?” Caleb lifted the headphones from his ears and held them open for Amy, who hesitated.

“I really have no idea what I’d be doing.”

Caleb only shrugged and dropped the headphones over her head. “Neither do I, really. But I sure look cool doing it.”

Amy resisted the urge to roll her eyes while she shifted over in front of a control board that looked like a complicated network of dials and buttons all backlit by neon LEDs. The entire thing was hooked up to a laptop where Caleb’s Soraya-approved playlist displayed.

“So, I just pick a song?” She scrolled through the list. “Then what?”

Reaching around Caleb explained the Cue and Sync buttons, allowing her to mess around with the transitioning of songs further down the track. Then he tapped the large round platter in the middle, indicating to her to spin it. She jumped, laughing as the track scratched like an old school record. It was a cool device to mess around with but after two songs she’d had her fill and handed Caleb back his headphones. “Thanks, that was neat.”

“Anytime,” he grinned. “So how are you liking Hudson?”

Amy looked out toward the crowd. At Lisa who was in the middle of regaling a small group with a story and Jack who smiled warmly while he listened. At Soraya who was laughing at something her friend Jen showed her on her phone. Then her eyes landed on Ty leaning up against the fence sipping from a red solo cup and nodding absently at something their vet, Scott, was saying. “It’s not exactly what I expected.” Was it a surprise to hear Ty spent time in prison? Yeah. But could she believe it? Also, yeah.

“Is that good, or bad?”

Amy shrugged. “Both. But I’m here for the foreseeable future so I just have to take it in stride, I suppose.” Her attention lingered on Ty while she answered, which she only realized when he glanced up to find her looking in his direction. Blinking, Amy turned away to give Caleb a smile. “So what do you do when you’re not-” She mimed scratching a record, missing the way Ty’s expression hardened at the ease with which Amy was able to be so close to Caleb when she could barely stand to be within three feet of anyone else. He didn’t get it. Then reminded himself that there were a lot of unknowns when it came to Amy. He just wished it didn’t annoy him so much to be left in the dark.

“I’m a rodeo stock contractor,” Caleb replied, moving around tracks on the controller to keep the playlist running.

“I have no idea what that means,” Amy shook her head, passing a sideways glance toward Ty who was no longer against the fence. Her head swiveled to find where he wandered off to but Caleb’s explanation demanded her attention.

“The short of it is I buy roughstock for rodeos. Broncs, bulls, steer. Ever been?”

Amy’s brow lifted. “To a rodeo? No. Coming to Heartland is the first time I’ve been within touching distance of a horse.”

“Well, we’ll have to get you to one some time.” His smile was wide, genuine. Amy once again wondered if this was him flirting or merely trying to make friends. Her attention moved to Soraya. No way was she about to let herself get involved in another undefined, yet clearly drawn relationship.

“Uh, yeah, I’ll tag along with Soraya next time she goes.” The name drop was intentional. She needed to gauge Caleb’s reaction to the idea of Soraya potentially cock-blocking his chances.

“Alright, awesome.” Caleb merely continued grinning, seemingly oblivious to his questionable signals.

Amy let out a breath, more confident now that he was merely just trying to be nice. Otherwise, he probably would have preferred she went alone, right? “That BBQ is calling my name again. Thanks for-” she waved a hand over the table, smiling as she stepped away toward the cooler to grab another can of ginger ale on her way back to the food table. As great as Maggie’s chili was, Stumpy’s pork barbeque was going to undoubtedly turn into a craving. She idly wondered if she could get Jack to talk him into making a large enough batch for her to freeze.

The music quieted as Caleb changed to a slower song, increasing the volume instead on the cacophony of conversation.

“You and Caleb looked pretty buddy-buddy.”

Dropping the tongs with a clatter, Amy shot Ty her signature glare. Pop-up book from hell, indeed. “Jealous?” Stupid thing to conclude, but why else would Ty care that she was talking to Caleb?

“Because you seem perfectly fine with him hovering in your personal space? No. Just curious as to why.” Grabbing for a plate, Ty put himself deliberately in her space when he had to lean near her to reach.

Amy stilled at the closeness, but otherwise didn’t flinch away. Her jaw tightened when Ty purposely lingered inside her invisible fence for a few seconds longer than necessary. She breathed again when he leaned away, though still watched her closely while waiting for some kind of response.

“What are you even talking about?” She avoided eye contact while loading a bun with a heap of barbeque.

“You know what I’m talking about,” Ty insisted quietly, taking the tongs when she shifted down for the cole slaw.

“No,” Amy replied sharply. “I don’t.” She continued shuffling down the length of the buffet, putting distance between them that Ty continued breaching.

“Okay. Pretend you didn’t jump out of your skin that day you ran into me in the barn. Or how you freeze any time someone even comes close to touching you. That is if you don’t jerk away first.” He kept his voice low enough for only her to hear, glancing around them to ensure no one else was close enough to eavesdrop. He might want answers, but the whole town didn’t need to know their business.

“Oh.” Reaching the end of the table, Amy grabbed a napkin. “Yeah, see there is this little thing called boundaries. I like mine.” Nevermind the fact that he cornered her and scared her half to death once already.

“Right.” Ty shook his head but didn’t push. Amy gave him a look as if asking if that was all before returning to her spot at the picnic table where she’d been pretty much all evening.

Gathering his plate, Ty nearly walked right into Kit when he turned around. Her appearance startled him, figuring by now she didn’t plan on showing up. “Ah, hey.” The tension was palpable as she gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Hey.” “Did you just get here?” “Not long ago, I-” she paused. “I wasn’t sure if I was even going to come.” Understandable. Selfishly, Ty hoped she wouldn’t have if only to avoid this awkward encounter. “Well, Lisa will be happy to see you and there’s plenty of food.”

The disappointment on Kit’s face at Ty’s reply was clear, but he didn’t know what she expected to happen. Claiming he was glad to see her would be a lie and would probably lead to yet another misunderstanding. Saving her dignity, Kit didn’t push for a conversation that would likely end the same as their last. Even she knew now wasn’t the best time. “She was, yeah. It’s nice to have her back.”

Ty nodded in agreement. A strained silence spread between them before Kit broke it. “I’m just, uh, gonna grab a plate to go. I really only came for Stumpy’s barbeque.”

Though he didn’t fully believe that, Ty chuckled. “I promise not to tell Lisa.”

Kit’s laugh was strained. “Thanks.”

“Have a good night, then,” Ty said, finding no reason to continue lingering. “Hey,” Kit said, stopping him. “Do you think we could try our last conversation again? Maybe over coffee?”

And there it was. “You’re the one who drove away, Kit.” After pretty much accusing him of having a relationship with Amy of all people. “I know and I realize that maybe I wasn’t being fair. I want to have a chance to get everything out in the open.” “I told you everything,” Ty insisted. “You didn’t want to hear it.”

Pressing her lips together, Kit’s chin trembled like she was trying to hold back tears. “I’m sorry. I heard the gossip and it struck me off guard. I’m ready to listen.”

Maybe it was his perpetual guilt over how he treated Kit white he was gone, but somehow Ty found himself agreeing. “Okay. Sure.”

Kit let out a relieved breath. “Great. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Um, sure, yeah.” Unfortunately, he couldn’t use the inmates as an excuse over the weekend. He didn’t know see how yet another discussion of his fuck ups and lack of communication would change anything, but he backed himself into this corner on his own and now he needed to see it through. —-------

Flustered and having lost his appetite, Ty joined Amy at the picnic table. Amy lifted her eyes slowly from her plate, narrowing them with suspicion when Ty sat across from her. There were plenty of other places for him to sit. Like with Kit, for instance. But he wasn’t paying her any attention, instead watching Kit at the buffet so Amy went back to eating.

“I think I messed up.” Ty said suddenly. Amy glanced up then around, wondering if he was talking to someone else. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“With Kit.”

Amy sat up straighter, putting her hands up. “Uh, uh. Your girlfriend, your problem. I’m not getting involved with your lover’s quarrel again.” Last time it was accidental, she sure as hell wasn’t about to do it by choice.

Ty scoffed, turning back toward Kit only to find her gone. “That’s fair.”

“Damn right it is,” Amy grumbled before shoveling a forkful of food in her mouth.

Pushing his plate back, Ty stood and reached his hand over the table. “Let’s dance.”

The dumbfounded look Amy gave him was almost comical with a mouthful of barbeque. “Wh-what?” “Dance.” He wiggled his fingers at her. Amy stared at his hand while she swallowed her bite of food. “I-I don’t-”

“If you don’t know how that’s fine, you’ll learn if you’re here long enough.” They were invited to and hosted enough gatherings that Amy would have ample opportunity. The shock wore off to be once again replaced with suspicion. “Why are you being nice all of the sudden?” Because he was trying to test a theory. Instead of answering, Ty merely continued to stare her down with his hand out in invitation.

“What about Kit?” Amy asked, looking around the yard at the gathering of people. She was grasping at straws now.

“I don’t see her, do you?” In a way he was relieved for that, though probably wouldn’t have asked if she was still there. That was something he’d have to unravel with himself later, preferably before he had coffee with Kit. “Besides, it’s not like you guys are in competition.”

Amy frowned, unsure how to take that comment. Ultimately, she decided he was right. She wasn’t vying for Ty’s affections, so if Kit wanted to lay claim she could do so without a fight. Amy just didn’t want to be accused of something she didn’t do. Out of excuses, Amy sighed and got up. She didn’t accept Ty’s hand but walked around the table to join him on the patch of grass designated as a dance floor. Amy still hesitated when Ty held his hands up again for her to take. She chewed the inside of her cheek feeling the regret sinking in. She should have declined. Giving herself into his hands put her in a place she might not be able to escape. “We don’t have to.” Ty said, though kept his hands open in front of him. Amy glanced at the people around them. Witnesses in all directions. Then she placed her palm against Ty’s, sucking in air when his fingers curled around her hand, the other finding her waist, connecting them together. She placed her free hand on his shoulder.

He moved and she nearly tripped over his feet in her distraction. Then stiffened in his grasp when his hold tightened to steady her. “Wow, you are pretty bad at this, aren’t you?” He teased, covering up the fumble and trying to take her mind away from her fear. She was a ball of solid anxiety in his hands, her movements stiff and her attention somewhere other than him. His voice focused her attention, though, and when Ty moved again, Amy matched his steps. “Not many opportunities to dance in the city.”

“I seem to recall Vancouver having a stellar nightlife. Though they’re not necessarily dancing the two-step.” Amy knew all about Vancouver’s club scene. Being a college student made it almost mandatory to spend weekends on the town or suffer FOMO come Monday. Freshman year was the time to explore and experiment. To live and learn before getting serious in the next few years. Live was precisely what Amy did, but the lesson learned was harsher than she ever expected. Ty sensed Amy’s mind drift when her eyes stared over his shoulder. “I take it the club scene wasn’t really your thing.”

“Not really,” she answered quietly. It was too loud, too crowded. Too many bodies grinding up against one another beneath strobing lights that only succeeded in giving her a headache. Yet her decision to leave put her in more danger than staying would have wasted her night. Leaving in a group was always safer than alone. The memory caused anxiety to bleed through her veins, her heart leaping into a sprint. Ty could feel her tense further, her hand sweating in his. Looking in her eyes, her pupils dilated to nearly consume the bright blue iris. She jerked away from him, her mouth opening to allow larger airflow as panic began to consume her. “Amy, hey.” Ty didn’t move, merely tried to get her to focus on him. He learned his lesson with trying to touch her when she was in this state. “Hey, you’re okay. Look at me.” Blinking, Amy glanced up at Ty’s worried expression. Shaking her head, she looked for a break in the crowd. “This was a bad idea.” Spotting one, she bolted through it, nearly plowing into Lisa. “Whoa, hey.” Seeing the frightened look on Amy’s face stopped Lisa in her tracks. “Amy?” Feeling her lungs constrict, Amy was barely able to murmur an apology as she darted for the house, desperate to place a solid barrier at her back. Lisa turned to watch her leave, grabbing a hold of Ty when he tried to follow. “What’s going on? Is Amy alright?”

Ty paused, looking toward the house just as the front door shut behind Amy. “I don’t know. She, uh, she got spooked by something.”

“Oh? By what?”

By him. Again. Proving his theory. “Grandpa didn’t tell you?” Of all the things, Ty would have thought Ty’s theory would have been among the first things he clued her into if for no other reason than to ensure Lisa treaded lightly.

“Tell me…?” Jack got her up to speed on quite a bit since she got back, including the heated rivalry that caused so much trouble between Ty and Amy since she arrived. Judging from the way they were just dancing, Lisa figured they found a way to smooth things over. Perhaps not.

Sighing, Ty didn’t know if now was the best time to discuss Amy’s questionably dark past with Lisa, but someone needed to talk Amy into opening the likely locked door and she was probably the best person to do it.

#heartland #one day #fanfiction #amy fleming #ty borden #jack bartlett #lisa stillman #caleb odell #soraya duvall #kit bailey

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heybuddythatsnotok · 1 year

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All the Time in the World

Description: tua au where Five finds someone else in the apocalypse and they fall in love (Five x male). not very organized, kinda all over the place. some fluff.

TW: blood, mentions of death from cancer

Sorry for switching tenses in the middle. Different paragraphs were written at different times separately and i didn’t feel like changing it. Writing isn’t great and it’s very messy i’m sorry i just wanted to get my ideas down idk i’m sorry

enjoy ig

[we enter when Five has just jumped to the apocalypse and found his siblings]

Five notices a figure in the distance. He doesn’t think it’s another person, it can’t be, how could someone have survived something like this? He starts walking closer to it, the closer he gets the more he realizes… it is another person. “Hey!” He calls out. They start running. Five chases after them. Not long into the chase, the person trips on a piece of broken wood. Five is standing over them. “Who are you?” He asks.

This boy Five has found, who is wearing a striped short-sleeved shirt and black jeans, is shaking. His pale skin is covered in dirt and ash. He has grey eyes and curly, dark brown hair. His arms are covered in scratches. “Are you asking for my name?” He responds.

“I’m asking how the fuck did you survive this?” Five says.

“It’s hard to explain,” The boy stands up and dusts off his pants.

“Well,” Five replies, “seems like we’ve got all the time in the world.”

“How did you survive?”

“I’m a time traveler and I went too far. Can’t get back. Now does it seem hard for you to explain?”

And so Noah (that’s the boy’s name) explained. He, like Five, has powers. He can create a force field around anything he wants, including himself. He can also move objects with his mind, although he’s not that good at it yet. But he’s mastered his force fields. He can make them big or small, he can make multiple at the same time, and he can fit as many people or things in one as he likes. Noah lived in a small cottage just outside of the city with his dad. When the apocalypse happened he was alone because his dad was out fishing. He left the cottage to see if anyone else had survived and he’d just made it to the city when Five spotted him.

“Your force field was strong enough to protect you from the apocalypse?” Five questioned.

“I guess so. It didn’t work perfect, though. I started struggling and a hole formed. That’s how I got all these scratches,” Noah shows Five his arm.

They made a good pair together. At first, Five wasn’t so sure about Noah but he quickly proved himself to be useful. Five would collect bits and pieces of broken objects and buildings and Noah would turn them into something. Five found a broken wagon and Noah fixed it and wrapped the handle with cloth so the grip was better. Noah knew how to help Five calm down when he was getting worked up. And Five knew when Noah was feeling down, no matter how good Noah was at masking it. They spent their time trading stories and learning about each other. Noah was the only person Five really opened up to. Five learned about Noah’s mom, who died of lung cancer when he was nine. “We weren’t that close,” Noah says, “my dad always told her to stop smoking.”

One morning Five found a vinyl player underneath a pile of ash-covered bricks. Next to it were vinyls. “Noah! Look what I found!” Noah got up from the rock he was sitting on and walked over.

“Is that a vinyl player?” He asked, “do you think it still works?”

“Let’s find out,” Five replied. He set it down and tried playing “Happy Together” by The Turtles. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked well enough and they danced together, holding each other’s hands tight. Delores the mannequin sat in the wagon not far away. Halfway through the song it stopped playing. They both laughed, still holding hands. Their eyes met, Noah kissed Five on the cheek, then Five kissed Noah on the lips.

Years later, Noah made rings out of bits of wire he found. He surprised Five with them. Although their marriage wasn’t legall, they were still husbands at heart.

They grew old together. When the Handler came, she originally asked for just Five, but he insisted on bringing Noah too. She agreed and Noah and Five went on missions together.

When they jumped through the portal together to get back to 2019, the fire hydrant Klaus had thrown at it hit Noah. Five yelled, “you hit my husband with a fire hydrant!”

“Sorry…?” Klaus said.

Noah went with Five that day to get a coffee from Griddy’s Doughnuts. When Agnes asked what they wanted Five said, “Coffee, black. He’ll have the same.”

“Cute kids,” Agnes replied to the man sitting near them. She thought Five and Noah were twins.

After the fight, Five and Noah left Griddy’s holding hands, covered in blood.

Taglist: @timininimi @mywalrusatemyhomework @voidofthearchive

#tua five #tua #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #five hargreeves #tua au #tua fic #tua fanfic #this is really messy i’m sorry #noah x five #blood tw #death tw #thoughts buried in the clutter

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thebuttsmcgee · 1 year

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ALRIGHT so I finished the rest of tgamm's S2 eps so far and to both test out this read more trick that I haven't learned how to use even after all these years and for everyone's convenience, my long thoughts will be in the read more.

My abridged thoughts, are that the eps were p good! Very solid batch all around and I'm sure the later eps will be just as fun, maybe even more! 👍!

Aaaaas for the longer thoughts, well they're not that longer tbh.

I was a bit. Hm. Not disappointed but more, surprised? I guess, that they focused a lot more on the main cast rather than some side character and their story but that's not a bad thing, I just find that some of my fav eps from S1 tended to do that tho! And thankfully, the writing like usual managed to be good enough that I didn't really think that much about it, while watching it.

Anyways, Scratch's backstory that was literally shown for less than a minute. OOOH. OHHH THAT WAS GOOD. LEGIT WAS SO GOOD. It perfectly captured that touching emotion that S1 had looooots of moments with. Also worth noting is that the soda was founded (I think?) in 1909, so Scratch probs isn't that old. Ooh man I hope the theories from way back about how his sailor themed memorabilia is actually for a purpose!

Oh yea, Scratch as chairman. Neat. Hm. Not bad, but hm. Just kinda neat I guess imo of course. Eh ya know what, now that I think about it, the show has been handling it rather well, its not an instant problem solver and it hasnt gotten in the way so far, yea its p neat. He spent the first half of the ep just being like "enjoy yourr afterliiiife [:○)" just to drift to "GET OUTTA MY HOUSE" and that was funny.

Oh yea and as always, the backgrounds were colorfully delightful, the voice acting was top knotch, the animation and different storyboard artists' styles were great and the music remains baller. Reaaaally hope it gets more appreciation this time around!

I FORGOT LOL Scratch's ass being plot relevant is fantastic. Like. Wow.

Sharon's episode was great!!!!!! I love the real emotion of unsure fear, uncertainty, but being able to overcome it due to support from loved one. GGGRHH THIS SHOW AND THE FAMILY WRITING WOO. They always nail it. Seriously I hope that this ep gets more recognition among fans.

Andrea's ep was also fun! Really stuck to their idea of her just being a bit misguided, not really mean hearted. I also love that they chose to talk about how convenient enterprises can unfortunately take over independent businesses and that it's up to the people to choose those independent businesses, not the corporate world.

Libby's ep was p fun! Very nice that she's getting more attention, and that they had an ep based on her love of her family library.

Molly overworked herself, again, but at least by the end she got to have fun 👍

Darryl's was p okay, definitely better than his last one, but I kinda feel like maybe Darryl also could have learned something? Buut then again he's just a kid and his parents accepting him for who he is, is a wonderful message so it all evens out :^).

As for the Chens, they're okay! I like June, autism blast has been deployed and that's rad. Ollie is okay, DEFINITELY overhated like geez he's literally just some guy. Granted, I'm not sure how this whole ghost hunter thing is gunna turn out tho. Considering that Scratch IS family, it makes for a neat obstacle I suppose.

And as for the thing that's been the main talk of recent, The Ship.

Reuben and Pete.

Gotta say it's p good, good on Pete.

Oh yea and molly and ollie is okay? I guess. Not really bad, not all that interesting imo tbh but it's really harmless. It clicks in a bit too much for my taste. Like Molly has been shown to be a bit too optimistic for people, then some guy shows up and is almost exactly like her. Ehhhh, again, not bad but some people DEFINITELY need to calm down, after all the show is mainly centered around the family and love between them, not romance. Just not my cup of milk ya know?

The actual in characters in the show, in their real life shipping them tho, was, hm. Don't. Don't quite know how to feel about that.

Pete and Reuben tho. C'mon.

Oh yea, new antagonist on the way too ig, he's voiced by Jeff Bennett so good for him!

Iiiii guess that's about it! Overall, p good batch! Hopefully the rest will be either just as good, or even better!

And lastly but certainly not least,

a dope hat makes any design look better 10/10

#tgamm spoilers #tgamm season 2 spoilers #its. a lotta spoilers #the ghost and molly mcgee spoilers #the ghost and molly mcgee season 2 spoilers #tgamm #okie Im tired as hell thats all Im tagging for now lol

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penname-artist · 1 year

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It took me scrolling through the dusty crophopper tag to realise your icon had changed!? I kinda did a double take and went "is that pen? Oh they changed their icon ohhh!" It looks great tho I like it:)

Anyway I was wondering if you had any headcanons for blades childhood? Does he have any siblings and such? Or just some general headcanons for dustys time with the ppaa? (I slowly feel like I'm going to start scratching at the walls in desperation for some planes content I love it sm)

I did, yes!! Hopefully it's a good combination of familiar and new, I wanted the background to stay the same XP (we don't talk about how it's asymmetrical but I'll fix that eventually lol)

And yesss, I have headcanons aplenty for the both of them ;P

Blade's the oldest child of four kids, all a couple of years apart (damned staircase children). Needless to say the house was always pretty loud, which might have been part of the reason Blake (aka Blade) had frequent migraines as a child. He was easily the most sensible and mature of the four, though April (the second youngest) was pretty similar, if a bit bossy.

Oldest to youngest of the Ranger children, there's Blake Aaron (jr), Caleb Marshall, April Beverly, and Sydney Robin. [note that that's first and middle names, yes I gave them all full ass fuckin' names lol]

Blake was always a quiet kid, and he liked to spend time alone outside. He'd catch weird bugs, collect cool objects like rocks and things, and build shit with whatever existed in the shed. Despite the nice suburbs, the kids were still, well, kids. And 50s-60s kids, to boot. They built some of the best and weirdest fortresses known to man.

He was also an avid reader, and frequented the local library for the latest copy of his favorite novels. And, because he enjoyed the attention of the kindly librarians there, who appreciated that he helped them out during the afternoons and was all around really mature for his age

He went to a relatively high-end school growing up, given the family was pretty upper-class, but even with that perk, his school years were pretty shit. He was a theater kid, and a bit of an emo (though he didn't have the balls to be a rebel) and spent the majority of his time avoiding people and being a straight-A student. That's not to say he didn't have friends, he just wasn't really a "people person". Never was, never will be lol

Had an absolute shit relationship with his father, though. He had few too many verbal fights with Blake sr, and after tearing out of the house headed for LA, Caleb (the second oldest) became the son he never had. It should figure he favored the children that followed his stead and went into the military.

Diana (le mother) wasn't too much better, although she was more sympathetic. She was just kind of an overbearing hawk parent to Blake, mainly stemming from the years of his migraines. But she didn't exactly approve of his antics either; she just wanted him to come to his senses, rather than beat them out of him.

Onwards to the Dusty bit here, I have a few fun stories of his time around with the Piston Peak team...

He may or may not have kinda sorta maybe gotten his ass whooped by the team this one time, because while helping Blade and Maru move an engine, he kinda bumped a heavy thing which fell...on Blade's foot. And he was down for a few weeks with a cast. yeah Dusty spent a night outside duct-taped to a light pole--

He earned honorable rights to the kitchen in his first week with them, after sharing some old family recipes the team started hounding him to make every time he was there. He's even got his own apron (with his seven on it, made by Dipper as a late birthday gift)

He's also joined Cabbie and Windlifter on the side during their gym sessions. He doesn't have the strength to go up against either one, but like Blade, he gets a kick out of watching them compete, and enjoys furthering his own muscle strength in the process.

He has attempted to learn chess before with Blade and Wind, but he still doesn't quite get it, so he often joins Maru or Cabbie in checkers instead (a game he's more familiar with and can kick ass at)

#disney planes 2 #disneyplanes #disney planes #planes fire and rescue #piston peak #blade ranger #dusty crophopper #ppaa

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drmedicsgamesurgery · 2 years

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Is the DR0 fangame still in development?(if it is then I assume progress is going slow I guess)

Yep still going ahead as planned, doing pretty well actually. Maybe we should make an update video sooner or later. Covid and everything definitely put a wrench in the speed plus since im basically funding the game myself out of pocket for free and jobs are not easy to stay in without high turnover rates, getting the money to pay for help and stuff has been a little slow. Not to mention all my friends over in the slavic countries who were helping with the game can no longer due to the War, so i cant even pay some of them even if they had the time to help. Sometimes people just drop out for their own personal reasons which is totally okay but puts a hamper on progress in areas. But as its a free game made by some people in there own time and isnt financially incentivised and really is just a passion project to make something great, greatness takes a while. Ive thought about asking for donations a few times mostly just to help out my living situation as funding the game directly would be a breach of copyright but that also didn’t feel earnest either, so I dont know what the right course of action is. I’ve already spent a few thousand dollars at least but it would feel wrong to ask others for free assistance since its merely a passion project. We have really learned a lot these last few years and even started over from scratch a couple times just to get things right. That old demo video is nothing like how the game is today, but I think when the game comes out it will have been worth the wait.

-SeriousSeiko

#danganronpa #dr0 #danganronpa zero #development

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foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland · 2 months

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When i was little, i really liked school. By little i mean between the ages of like. 3-9ish. To the point id sometimes be upset when it was saturday and i couldnt go to school and play. That was what it was all about anyways, playing. Yes we were learning - numbers and adjectives and colours and shapes. But it was fun and we were playing.

In that school we had music class. Not the optional instrumental lessons where u learn a singular instrument, but a class wide music class where youd play the little instruments like tamborines or xylophones or maracas. Mostly percussion.

I knew i loved music class, especially when the entire class played together. We werent ever good ofc, we were a buncha small kids with no rhythm or sense of anything musical. But i loved playing together because it sounded beautiful to me. I remember one time we played along to in the hall of the mountain king (mostly just hitting whatever we had in time to it) but we were playing in a sorta gradual buildup way - in the way in the hall of the mountain king slowly builds up. Itd start with maybe 4 people, then grow to 6, 10, 15, 20, then the whole class. And i just loved it.

The only other times id heard in the hall of the mountain king was in a certain ad. I dont remember what it was for, but i think it was a promo for something to do with the local library ? And it was about this haunted house with all these monsters in it and i think the point was u got rewards or whatever for reading however many books and it was all monster themed. I know one reward was some scratch and sniff stickers with all these bad smells (because they were monsters). I know i read so many books during that time. Because i loved the monsters.

Also, in one class when we were around 6 or 7 ? We just learnt about dragons. Because yes, dragons arent REAL but we learnt about them from an art perspective. Had a big class wide collage project where we made a dragon. Wrote and read stories about dragons. Even had a treasure hunt round the school looking for a 'dragon egg' where every 5 minutes someone would SWEAR they saw a dragon tail on That Roof There or a wing poking out from The Tree Over There. Honestly was a really good way to get a buncha 7 year olds to engage in other things and dress it up as Dragon. A lotta teambuilding stuff, memorisation things, yknow typical things that would help u out throughout school.

Because of learning about dragons, and seeing the ad about monsters, during our music classes when we were working on In the hall of the mountain king, i imagined all these stories about a dragon and a monster (when i was little, monster was a very specific type of animal. Sort of like the wild things from where the wild things are) who lived in a mountain cave together. I was used to making up stories to music at that point, one of our warm up tasks in music lessons was to imagine smth to the song we were being played. Probably a pretty shitty warm up task if u happen to have aphantasia (is that what its called ? When u cant see the apple) but i have synesthesia and it was like. Perfect for me i loved it.

After making up these stories about the dragon and the monster, id present that idea to my Boys at breaktime. Me n the Boys spent pretty much everyday roleplaying, and sometimes one person would come to the Daily Breaktime Meeting with an idea of what to play, and sometimes if we had no idea wed resort to our classics (superheroes, re enacting cartoons we watched, etc etc). But i went up to them like Hey Boys(tm) Lets Play Dragons. And then we did and it was great and we engaged with our classes through play and we learnt a lot about everything (music and friendships and creativity and imagination and sharing and patience and focus and socialising and teamwork and improvisation and sosoosos much)

However, the Boys werent the only ones who played because of my musical antics. At my school, there were posters around advertising the personal instrument lessons - where a tutor teaches 1 person or a small group (of around 2-6) how to play an instrument. Although, to start any of them you had to be atleast like 7 or 8 ? Basically i was just a little too young and still really wanted to learn piano. But, when i finally got lessons, i needed a way to practice at home. A family friend of ours owned a piano, but it was too inconvenient to have to go round to their house to practice. So, my parents reached out to another family friend of ours who had an old keyboard they didnt use anymore. Which i then used to practice (and then quit piano about 1 or 2 years later because i didnt like it)

On this keyboard, there was ofc a Song mode. Where you could play certain preset songs. One of these was in the hall of the mountain king, and i took that opportunity to play Monster and Dragon with my sister. We spent ages choreographing a whole dance-play routine thing, where a monster was trying to protect its monster babies and a dragon was trying to eat them.

Anyways thats why play is fucking important. I loved school when i was little because i could incorporate it into my play and itd help understand the world. There was no consequence, no time limit, just Here Is Some Things. You Are A Small Child With A Big Imagination. Who Knows What Youll Do With It. Just Make Sure To Give In Your Singular Piece Of One Sided A4 Homework In A Week. And If You Cant Do It We Can Help You. Have Fun And Look Both Ways When You Cross The Road.

And now its all "please complete these 6 pieces of homework in 5 days. There will be no extension. Each piece will take about 1-2 hours maybe. If you dont complete a single piece you get detention. Stop smiling youre up to something. Dont laugh youre disturbing the class. Stop talking and focus on your work. Stop smiling. Stop smiling. Youre being rude. Stop smiling. You have an exam next friday remember to revise.

#night thoughts #anywayzzzzz ANECDOTE OVER jsut remembered this cool thing and. wrote a big post on it #the end ^_^#i miss being little and being allowed to have fun #and now im a teenager and im depressed as all hell and i dont play at school anymore

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dzpenumbra · 9 months

Text

7/17/23

Today has been an interesting day, to say the least. I don't really have words for it, honestly.

I woke up after about 4-5 hours of sleep. It was raining. It's been raining all day, occasional thunderclaps to add a little spice to the monotony. I'm not sure what exactly woke me up, but what kept me awake was very gentle creaks coming from the ceiling floorboards, and my vivid imagination translating that into water leaking and dripping from the ceiling onto my bedroom floor. It was very convincing, very visceral. Maybe it was me still being in a dream-like state, so close to sleep. Maybe the elevated CBD/THC tincture dose added to the immersion of the illusion. Maybe it was because I didn't have my glasses on and my imagination was filling in the gaps. Maybe it was all three. But it once again had me on edge.

It's as though... I'm a constantly coiled spring ready at all times to respond to the next imminent crisis. It really does feel that way. Because... who else is going to? That's a big part of being alone that I find hard to communicate to people who pride themselves in their work and their efforts - let me rephrase that, those who define themselves by their work and their efforts. And thus... define themselves by their pride. Whether you call upon support, reinforcements, backup, a social net, whatever... or if you just have them present and pridefully turn them away at any possible turn as though perpetually trying to vainly prove some kind of point... either way, you have them. They are present. If you have a toolbox in your house, whether you choose to use a screwdriver or your fingernails to take a screw out... at least you have the option of a screwdriver, you know? Or even the claw end of a hammer, and you can improvise with that. You know? But if all you have is your bare hands? It's simply a different life.

Again, it's hard to convey this concept. But it is really the core of a lot of my struggles. And thus... it makes perfect clear sense that my reaction to this... which I have been yelling at the heavens like some dramatic Greek tragedy for several years now... is pleading for help from others. With literally anything. Especially with things that I'm not capable of doing, like... multitasking... or skills that I am yet to develop, in times when I am deeply overloaded and really don't feel I can afford to learn a completely new skill from scratch just to take care of a task that someone else near me already has an expertise in.

Because... in the end... what is the point of a community if each individual is obligated to learn how to do everything for themselves. I mean that, and this has been boggling my mind for a very long time now. "Hey, I'm not that great at marketing or advertising, do you think you could introduce me to a long-time friend of yours who is involved in that? See if they could lend me their skills which they spent much of their lives honing?" "Why don't you learn how to do it yourself. You need to learn how to be more independent."

Who. The fuck. Is independent? Truly. I'll tell you. I'll tell you who is truly independent. Someone who lives in a shack in Bumfuck, Alaska, who needs to take a bushplane to get to their house and doesn't interact with society for years at a time. They are independent. If they have a problem - a clogged pipe, a full septic tank, torn clothes, broken shingles, a fractured Tibia, a horrific nightmare - they must address the problem alone. For there is no one else. Because the toolbox simply doesn't exist, it's not an option. It's not that the toolbox is being stubbornly ignored as a way of trying to pressure someone else to "fix their problems for them"... it's that the toolbox does not exist.

For me? Taking the ceiling creaks, for example. I could've called my landlord about it. The maintenance guy would most likely have said there's nothing he can do about it, it's just old floorboards, they creak, it's what they do. And I would still be here, and I would feel a bit shameful for exposing that weakness to people. I really wish I didn't have that level of insecurity and pride. I mean that. I wish I could wear that on my sleeve comfortably, and I aspire to return to that.

I lost my train of thought. XD I just happened to use the only example where I do have options for support. And what really stops me from reaching out for more support? With more people? I have to rely on the charity of strangers. It's all insecurity and anxiety all the way down with that. And my rational mind makes sense of it by saying "well... statistically... your chances of success in getting quality assistance with these things from someone you have never met before... when you're cold-calling... it's typically near zero. So why try?"

Ugh, this is exhausting just thinking about. How did I even get here... sorta... explaining that this frantic screaming of "someone help me" is simply a shadow cast by the actual problem of "I don't have a supportive social network and everything in my life falls on my shoulders... no pressure". So... when I wake up... and I hear what I think is water dripping? Who is taking care of that? Who will get the container to contain my upstairs neighbors' clumsy spill. Who will make sure the spill didn't reach any electronics and address that problem if it exists? Who will soak the spill out of the carpet? Who will have the expenses taken out of their security deposit if damage is done? It all falls on my shoulders. So... how could I possibly sleep? In that moment, I am on-call. And my body responds to the on-call notification by pumping adrenaline into my system, so I am alert and have energy and have enough sensory focus to perform tasks. So when do I sleep?!?!

I'm always on-call. 1:30AM - on-call. 3PM - on-call. 6AM - on-call. You name it. 24/7. Morning, noon and night. Even holidays. And I guess that's where the franticness of my pleas for support has sourced - how desperately I've just needed someone to watch the fort while I rest.

This is the paradox that I noticed when I was put on pharmaceutical medications to aid in sleep, specifically the hypnotic Seroquel. I didn't know at the time, but most of my difficulty sleeping is a byproduct of not feeling safe or protected - a very common PTSD thing, and anxiety thing, honestly. So... at a very primal level, the brain stays primed to wake up at anything. The analogy I like to use that I hope is relatable to some is... if you were tasked to spend the night in a spooky old house... alone. Every single noise you hear in that house that night, it will pull you from sleep with a fucking jolt. That is... most nights for me. In my own home. Unless I'm in a particularly good place mentally, feeling very supported, feeling a lot of physical security, feeling like people have my back and shit. Otherwise... I'm like a hair-trigger mousetrap of crisis-response.

The paradox that Seroquel introduced was... I would still wake up. I would just be incredibly groggy and incoherent when I woke up. Which instilled way more anxiety. Because now... my problem has not been solved. At all. Instead, I still have to address perceived crises, and I have been given a massive debuff. I don't have my senses about me, I'm sloppy, I'm disoriented. And that makes me more scared. And then I'd start the day the next day, and still feel incredibly groggy and hungover from sleep deprivation and these meds... so much that I genuinely felt drunk and did not feel safe driving my car. So... it started limiting my ability to be present in the world. I stopped driving to pick up iced coffee in the morning, a tradition from a more economically stable past. I stopped going for morning hikes. It greatly immobilized me. I just... I lacked the language and articulation to be able to communicate the handicap that had been thrown on my life, and I really got sucked into this delusion that somehow I was to blame. I wasn't taking the medication properly, I wasn't going to bed on time, I wasn't exercising enough, etc. etc. Somehow, I was to blame.

So... in reflecting on this whole problem now? I still don't fully know how to manage it. Because it puts two survival needs in direct opposition - physical safety and sleep. And one of them has to go. In order to convince myself that I'm physically safe, I must sacrifice sleep. In order to sleep, I must disregard physical safety. And there is really no way to verify if those physical safety threats are valid or false-alarms until after sleep has been sacrificed. So yeah...

An interesting thought popped into my head while I was typing this. My Xbox died today. I don't know how, though I suspect it's because of the moisture from having it right by an open window when I live right next to a river. I don't know. The Xbox was a gift from a former friend who I met through a Minecraft server. We spent a lot of time together, played a lot of games together. I chilled with him online when he met his girlfriend, when she got pregnant, when they had their first kid, when they got engaged, when they had their second kid... I met and played Minecraft with his eccentric ex-biker Dad. He invited me to be the best man at his wedding, having never met in person before, and I gladly accepted and flew halfway across the country on my own dime to be there. He gifted me this Xbox one year, the year the original Fortnite came out so... 2017? Damn, I guess it's had a good run. He worked in the electronics department at Walmart and decided to give me a discount on it, I'm really not sure why... we were both PC gamers... but I accepted the gift.

I've been using the Xbox simply... to play my yoga videos in the morning. That's been the extent of its usage recently. I used to watch Twitch streams on it sometimes, but... not so much lately. And today, I started it up as usual, and it did that "boodaloop" startup sound, then clicked... and then went silent. And it kept doing that every time. So... I'm guessing it's a hardware problem. I'm guessing that's done.

Now... I woke up this morning freaking out about moisture making its way into my apartment and causing problems with electronics. And my day officially starts with yoga... so my day started... with a failed piece of electronics, most likely due to excessive moisture.

Why am I telling this? Beyond the synchronicity? Because when the Xbox died (I assume)... I didn't really care that much. I was frustrated at first, and a bit sad. I blamed myself a bit, but let that go pretty quickly. I looked up some answers on my phone, and moved on from that pretty quickly. I just sorta... resigned to it. And thanked it for its service. And tried to figure out how to do AirPlay from my phone to my TV having never done that before, praying I wasn't syncing to one of my neighbors' TVs on accident. And I succeeded. And that was that. No freak-out, no panic, no "oh shit my life is ruined". Just... aw man... and adaptation. And that was that.

So... why is my brain stem treating little creaks from the ceiling... transformed into the illusion of water dripping from the ceiling... transformed into the illusion of water dripping onto electronics... why is my primal brain treating that as a critical "you must be awake for this now" emergency? Because I can prevent it. I can be the hero who averts this tragedy. With a little willpower, and a little sacrifice, I can avert disaster. All I need is a nice big dose of adrenaline to get my wits about me and I'm up to the task. "Whoops, false-alarm! Good luck getting back to sleep now!"

Still, weird shit that I woke up with that specific fear on the same day that 5-6 hours later I found my Xbox had shit the bed. And I know it died yesterday because I've been using the Xbox every day, it was part of my daily routine. I'm sure it was a hybrid combination of memories of the day when my upstairs neighbors spilled water and it just dumped right through the floorboards like through slats on a boardwalk or something... that combined with the fear of water getting in the open downstairs window from the storms - which somehow it just... doesn't.

I tried to be more disciplined with my sleep hygiene today though. Once I had identified that I was responding to fear with the whole water dripping illusion thing... I immediately got my headphones and put on a binaural beats sleep thing. I laid there for 58 minutes trying and failing to fall back asleep... so I didn't do great with the whole "if you're not asleep within 15-20 minutes, get up and do something for a while and come back" thing. But I did get up. I did a run in Hades, which wasn't the most relaxing thing in the world... XD But got my mind off fear and stress. I ate some trail mix, in case my body was running on fumes. Then I went back to bed and... instead of the music stuff... put on a livestream VoD from a streamer I've been watching for nearly 8 years now, whose streams I've been consistently putting on during sleep for several years now. His immersion in the story, his calm demeanor and his ability to elaborately express his in-game experience always bring me to a very serene place of calm. And he's been a huge inspiration for me. I haven't been listening to sleep music or his VoDs when I go to sleep since I started using my box fan. I fell asleep pretty quickly and caught up on sleep pretty well.

Yoga was silly, and humbling. The yoga teacher was being very goofy and fun in the video, and I appreciated the levity. I needed more of that. And we did this thing where you go from Cobbler's pose and then lift your legs up with your feet still touching and knees still out, but you bring your chest up forward so you're like... perched on your ass-bones. And I just kept flopping around like a toddler trying to walk. It was so humbling. I started laughing. I clearly don't move this way very often! I noticed myself getting a little upset, getting frustrated with myself. "Why can't I do this? What am I doing wrong? I've been doing yoga every day for like 7+ months, what am I missing?!" And I was able to let it go. And just relax. And try again. And try to feel what the pose feels like.

That is such an important thing. In all things. But I always translate it to skateboarding because it translates so well. In fact, I think it was a Rodney Mullen story that I sorta quote here. He talked about his process of learning new tricks where he goes and tries it... and obviously it doesn't work... and then he takes little mental notes... "ah, my foot went here, and my hips were like this... hmm... what if I shifted my weight this way..." And then went back to the run-up and... cleared his mind entirely. Forget all of it. Empty the cache and just go and do it. And repeat the process. Until you feel it. Until it connects. And I say this more from my experience with snowskating than skateboarding (though there are some skateboarding tricks I have this with)... when you have a trick locked down, you don't think about it. You just go... "shove it" and you mimic what a shove it feels like... and you do it.

So that's been my struggle in practicing yoga alone. Not knowing exactly where I'm supposed to be feeling the pose, what it's supposed to feel like... what muscles and joints are activating in which ways, where I will feel it, where to carry my weight. And it's less about doing it "right", and more about... doing what the pose is intended to do. Like... if you've ever seen anyone using a piece of exercise equipment incorrectly. Round of applause for creativity, of course... but you end up missing the point. And that's sorta the whole point of having a yoga teacher... to help you connect the shape to the feeling, so you know what to feel. Like... forward folds for me really stand out. I realized that for months, I was forward folding from my lower back, not my hips. I could barely reach my ankles. I was so frustrated because it was not relaxing it just wasn't working. And then one video had me go from a squat into a forward fold, sorta... going into a forward fold in reverse rather than coming from Mountain pose like I always did... and I raised my hips and still couldn't get my legs straight (of course, I still can't but whatever)... but I realized it felt... very different. I could feel my stomach on my thighs. My hips felt different, like different tendons were activating or something. My weight was being carried in a different location, a bit farther forward. And my hands were on the floor. And I just went... "oh! Oh, okay, so this is what bending farther forward in my hips feels like." All I needed was to feel it... then I was able to replicate it. And I use that hip sensation as a guidepost a lot now.

So... it was nice today to feel childlike. So many adults get so fucking averse to feeling childlike, as though it makes us appear incompetent and weak or something. A weird analogy I had come to me earlier today - as though their inner child were merely a cicada husk shed and clung somewhere deep in their psyche. I miss it so dearly. Every time I feel it, I wonder why I ever left. I want to go running out in the rain with my shirt off, barefoot, and jump in puddles with zero cares what the neighbors think. I want to roll around in the grass. I want to lay in the dirt and study bugs and see what they're up to. I want to point in awe and wonder at a gorgeous sunset, beaming from ear-to-ear simply because of how lucky I am to be able to experience something so beautiful.

Note how all of those things are... outside... in nature... XD Soon...

I'm gonna go a bit mas rapido here because I've been meandering. As I do... I'm a wanderer... I left the beads alone today, except for three. The painted ones... and one of the blue ones. I wanted to test my walnut oil/beeswax finish in combination with the tung oil. The tung oil added a deep richness and a protective layer saturated into the wood fibers. The wax should provide a nice coating which, once hardened, I hopefully should be able to buff to a nice shine. A compromise between the satin tung oil finish and a glass-like acrylic finish... and still continuing the trend of using only organic materials. The painted beads... I'm going to call a failure. I think the oil and the paint did not get along, and that's okay. They were intended to be test runs, much was learned from this. Even after all the coats of oil, the paint just stripped off. Even with the wax on top, the paint stripped off. So... I'm guessing the problem was that the opaque layer of paint prevented the oil from penetrating the wood, and maybe even broke down the paint a bit... and the wax would just... pile on top of this... and when I went to buff, it just pulled off the paint from the very bottom layer, which was only very delicately adhered to the wood surface. Maybe tung oil first... then paint, then wax? Or maybe the painted beads will require a more versatile sealer, like shellac or something. I'll have to explore this more. But my third bead was one of the blue ones, they've been sitting and letting the tung oil harden for a few days now. I gave it some wax and let it sit for a bit, then buffed it. It made... a bit of a difference, but nothing huge. Nothing dramatic when compared to the others. We'll see what time has in store for that.

The rest of my day was listening to (and finishing) The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, which was lovely. A very powerful story, very resonant. I don't even really know what to say about it. It lines up with a lot of my life and it has been very thought provoking, and it's been helping me align with what I need right now.

The insight I got was... fear. Fear is my problem. And always has been. I'll get into that and close with my art, so we can end on a lighter note. Fear has such a strangle-hold on me. Fear of upsetting people who have power over me. Fear of scaring "normal" people with my odd and clearly out-of-place behaviors, which have consistently through history been considered an illness or acts of defiance that need to be corrected or punished. Fear of not being able to truly be my authentic self without... imposed consequences. That's one of the first major insights I got, my freshman year of college... "when they find out who/what I am... they're going to <do some bad thing to me>" Satanic Panic feelings. Witch Trial feelings. Holocaust feelings. Persecution. For simply being different. That fear has disrupted and laid ruin to my life since I was 17. And I have been a slave to it.

Now, that fear can infect so deep that it can make convincing arguments that holding eye contact with someone in the hallway too long might lead to something bad happening. That fear is so fucking lazy now that it doesn't even come up with elaborate fantasy punishments like Jesus being brought to Golgotha. It just goes "don't do anything that others might consider odd or else blah blah you know the drill." Ugh, it's so tiring to keep living like this.

And I remember lamenting the days when I would deliberately make an ass out of myself! I grew up with Jackass and CKY! My friends and I in high school were in the video program and we would make stupid home movies of us goofing off and setting RC cars on fire and racing them and pulling stupid pranks on each other and shit. Now? Walking to the pharmacy feels risky. Like I might come across someone who's already on edge, and my body language will be "wrong" or I'll accidentally make eye contact or something... and they'll just fucking snap on me.

So... after learning very clearly that there is no controlling others... and not even wanting to... I adapted into this belief that... if I act perfectly, innocently, friendly, eloquently, all of that... then they will have no reason to hurt me. And I will be safe. That's not controlling them, right? Right? Well... actually...

And that's something I need to talk to my therapist about. I need to be able to just... be myself... knowing that those situations are just part of life and they aren't something I can influence or control. Because that's the free will of another person. And that's just life. I don't think I can influence the decisions of a tiger, I just... show it respect, and act authentically non-threatening, and rely on its mercy. But people... people just... don't play by the same rules as animals. We often make up our own. And you can do everything right... and still suffer someone's wrath and violence.

So... what can you do? Just... resign to it? If someone mugs you, do you just give them your wallet? Do you try to run? Do you try to disarm and incapacitate them? I genuinely don't know. I don't have a plan. I just very often feel at the mercy of others, in a situation I simply want no part of. And yet, the entire situation is a hypothetical that has been concocted in my panicked imagination.

Fear. And my way of trying to confront this demon? Since 4 years ago? Go to the source. Weed. Weed unlocked my deepest fears and let me live them, viscerally, in dream-like highs. And it was able to do this pretty reliably. And I avoided the fucking plant for over 10 years because of it. It scared the living Christ out of me. It was not enjoyable, it wasn't worth the "risk". The freakouts, the panic attacks, the visceral experiences of living emotional nightmares. Every one carried a message, every one had a clear lesson contained for me to learn from. That's what these substances were fucking used for. And I've wanted for so long to just... have someone with me to help me work through them. To be emotionally and psychologically vulnerable with someone trusted, in that state. Because... my loss of my trust for others was born in moments of vulnerability while in that state. It's coming full circle. And someday I will, someday I will be able to get high and freak out with someone, and have it go well. Have it not result in someone else having their own panic attack that I have gone "schizophrenic", or someone taking personal offense at the imposition of "having to" support me in that moment, or even someone fueling my fears and validating them.

It may not be the only answer, but as far as the poetry of life goes... it makes the most sense to me. My fear was ignited in that cave. Every time I try to be brave enough to go back in, I get burned and cast out and grow even more scared of it. And others look at me like I'm foolish for wanting time and time again to go back in. To get stronger, wiser, more resilient, have more tools, etc. And go back. To continue to face off against the dragon, and be defeated, and get back up and do it again.

And more and more... I think the answer here for most of my problems... is meditation. My ability to just... let go. And be okay letting go. Especially when it feels important. Like this morning, when I was laying there trying to fall back asleep, and had a lot of these realizations... and went "I should write this down, this is very important and I really need to talk to my therapist about this in a few days, I want to make sure I remember." That importance compulsion is fucking tremendous. It feels like artistic inspiration, so much that I often feel compelled to combine the two. This journal has been the best compromise I've found so far. The majority of my adult life has been dedicated to me training myself to capture moments of profound importance, moments of intense feeling, like "oh, this is big." Because that's where art, poetry, and music are often born for me. And I often feel like it's my "job" to constantly be ready to capture that lightning in a bottle.

And yet... meditation teaches the exact opposite of that. It teaches that whatever is coming up - thoughts, emotions, anything - acknowledge it... and let it go. Make eye contact, nod your head, and let it blow away in the wind, and return to your focus. Your breath, your focal point, your drishti. And come back to stillness.

You see? For years, I have been practicing the skill of timelining a dream memory within a split second of waking up... and chronicling the dream as hastily and in as much detail as possible before the memory fades. Practicing stream of consciousness writing, in which I let the stream of thoughts flow as unimpeded as humanly possible, and training my fingers to type as quickly as I can in order to keep up with the speed of my thoughts. It's been laborious, and I've gotten quite skilled at it. They are so staunchly the opposite of meditation! They are not accepting thoughts and letting go, they are accepting thoughts and saying "go on, tell me everything you have to say". This has been tremendously valuable in my ability to unravel connections in my subconscious, roots of many behaviors, my own self-narrative. But they do not help in... letting go. And finding stillness.

I end up compelled to work - either on art, or mental heath, or finding my place in the universe - perpetually. Reflexively. Because of how regular and vigorous my training has been. I do this literally every night. So... the simple idea of "I can just let this thought go" often feels... wasteful... because I know very well how valuable and meaningful every thought and feeling is. And I truly believe that. That they all have meaning, you just don't understand it yet.

I remember saying this last year to my therapist. That I don't like letting go of the thoughts, because it feels wasteful. It feels like right now is a golden opportunity to learn something new about yourself, about life. And your mind presents that opportunity to you, insight on a golden platter. Who am I to refuse? Well... here's why it's okay to refuse... because it's 8AM... and you only got 4 hours of sleep... XD

And this little mini-mantra has been helping me a bit, because... I feel like this has become a bit of an obsessive compulsion... The new mantra is "if it's really important, I'll remember." "If it's really important, it'll come back." And that has helped reveal that the big underlying fear there that's driving it is... this fear of having found The Answer, the big one that's gonna change everything... and just... letting it go. Attachment. And that's a big part of my battle, and my suffering. And it's a big part of the work I have to do.

So... meditation needs to be integrated into my regular practices, and I'm planning to do so. I have the books pulled and everything.

And, on a less intense note... I started on the skateboard grip tape. I've been taking progress pictures every time I add a new layer radiating out. Probably too many to make an album of at this point, but whatever. I didn't want to film the progress because I really wanted to work on the floor. I miss just sitting on the floor and painting, there's something very special about it. This has become a blooming mandala that is alternating rounded pedals, then pointed leaves radiating out from the gaps between the pedals... then repeating. I've just painted a base coat of white on them for now, but I plan on adding some color. I'm not entirely sure what, but I found a gold paint that is calling me. And I might do a rich burgundy kinda color with that, or like a deep purpley-reddish-brown like a wine kinda color. I don't know. I'll feel it out. It's been a long time since I've done a mandala with color.

I have to pee. --- So... yeah, big progress made on the board. I put a few hours into that, at least 3-4. And again, all I had to do was just... fucking let go. Just let go and start painting and let the piece make itself. And it's making itself. And I regret absolutely nothing. I regret not a single damn thing with this piece. It is exactly what it's supposed to be. And if it wants a gold center, it'll get a gold center. And if it wants red leaves, it'll get red leaves.

I want to carry this feeling, this approach, this momentum... into the next few pieces. The clothing pieces. The hybrid board grip. The idea of just... slapping on some paint and letting it form itself. It's really scary to do that with a permanent medium that isn't layer-able... like ink... And I will continue to work with that in the near future. For now, this is working quite well. I feel very at home - a place that at the same time feels nostalgic and... right where I should be.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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obsidian-chika · 3 years

Text

Kakashi Hatake x Male Reader

Oneshot

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It was like any other normal day for (M/n). Waking up to and empty bed and finding a note in the kitchen. He never wanted to hold Kakashi back from his job, but his insecurities were spiraling out of control again. With the lack to time they spent together, he was scared Kakashi didn’t love him anymore. They’ve been together for about two to three years now. He was told many time by Kakashi that he is loved, but insecurities never go away, do they.?

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

(M/n) decided to go out around the village today. Visiting shops and simply just walking around, sightseeing. It was quite a surprise when he ran into team seven during his outing. Weren’t they out on a mission with Kakashi?

“Naruto? Aren’t you Sasuke and Sakura supposed to be on a mission with Kakashi right now?”

“We’re spying on Kakashi-Sensei, believe it!”

Staring at him dumbfounded, “he’s not on duty?”

“He was spotted with a lady. Not sure who he is, but they were together,” answered Sasuke.

“It could be his girlfriend for all we know,” Sakura added.

Going silent with the new found information, (M/n) wanted to go home now. He couldn’t blame Sakura with what she said since their relationship was never brought to the public eye, only a selective few knew about it. Now he wanted to be in bed, curled up in a ball, and cry. Turning around to leave, something gripped him arm, preventing him from leaving.

Turning around to see Naruto holding his arm, “I was planning to leave, what else did you need from me, Naruto?”

“Why don’t you join us, maybe we’ll learn more about him together!”

Wanting to object Naruto’s reasoning for you to stay, but he didn’t seem to give (M/n) any other choice, and ended up dragging him to tag along with the other two.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

Dying sounded so much better than hearing what was being said by the two below, or to two next to him. (M/n) wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on either way, only wanting to go home and sleep his feelings away. He told the three that he would be there, but not be there at the same time. A loud noise startled him. Only to regret looking down.

Kakashi and the lady kissed. Even if was an accident all his insecurity feelings said other wise. He was starting to slightly panic. He was still in the tree while the other three fell down. The scene in front of him wasn’t a very pleasant one to the eyes.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were either nervously saying something or staring. To make things worse, Naruto took the flowers from Sakura pointing it in the couple’s direction.

“Congratulations!” Shouted Naruto.

Kakashi didn’t say anything but nervously smiled, while the Lady thanked them.

Watching this made (M/n) want to crawl in a hole and die. He decided to just leave before he started breaking down.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

Tears ran down his face as he left. Not wanting to return to their shared apartment, the training grounds was his next best place to go. He wanted to train his body to the max. Not caring if he was injured after, he went and vented everything out. Turning his compressed emotions all into anger wanting release.

Scratches and bruises decorated his body. Tired and worn out, he sat down next to one of the many trees, gazing at the sky. He felt really dizzy. Black and white spots started to fill his vision and his body gave out. Falling to the ground, he closed his eyes.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

It’s been almost three days now and no one has heard from you. The hokage found it odd that you didn’t visit him like you usually do, while Kakashi was panicking on where you could possibly be. There were chances you possibly died, until Kakashi remembered that you were an a hiatus from missions. That still didn’t ease his mind about your safety.

It didn’t help him when it was reported you were severally injured and hospitalized too. He took time off from missions with team seven just to constantly be by your side and take care of you. He’s very scared to lose you like he did with everyone else. You meant a lot to him, even though he had some trouble showing it.

It’s been around a week and Kakashi wasn’t feeling so great. One week without hearing anything from you. No words. No physical contact. Not even your awesome cooking. He missed it all so much. Time seemed to be passing slower for him than those around him.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura would sometimes drop by to visit you, along with bringing over flowers. The hokage dropped by once or twice as well. A few others also came by to visit, but Kakashi wanted you to wake up so bad. Constantly sitting by you and holding your hand.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

Another four days passed. It was late and Kakashi was sitting by the unconscious, bedridden male. Half way through the night, there was a slight twitch in Kakashi’s hand. He brushed it off thinking but was only his imagination playing with him. That was until there was a shift in the bed and a low sound that clearly didn’t come from him.

He stared at the male who has just awoken from being out for almost two weeks. He tackled that now awake male onto the hospital bed. He was shedding tears of relief and joy, but he was also upset with the male. What on earth did he do to get like this? We’re there people Kakashi needed to hurt in order to protect him?

“What the hell happened to you, dear? You looked really bad when they fond you, and they also said you over used your chakra,” Kakashi’s face was full of worry for (M/n).

“I don’t know . . . ” was the answer given. Kakashi didn’t like that. So, he kept pushing and pestering about it knowing the male would crack, giving in, then telling the truth.

“I- It- Well-” (M/n) stammered, “my insecurities were there. I was hoping to spend note time with you soon since we haven’t really been spending too much time together. I was planning to ask you if you wanted to go out together, but you were busy and I didn’t want to hold you back.”

There was a small silence between the two males. Taking Kakashi’s silence as a sign to continue, the male did just that.

“I know I shouldn’t be doubting out relationship, but I really can’t stop myself from thinking about the worst. I got dragged by Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura because they said they saw you with some lady and it could be good for me to learn more about you’re life. See the kiss and congratulations from your team didn’t help me any better. I didn’t want to dwell more on the thoughts and decided to train. It’s probably from my old training habits I was hurt this bad. I’m really sorry.”

(M/n) couldn’t bring himself to look at Kakashi’s eyes. He felt so vulnerable and small in front of his partner. Eyes starting to tear up as well. He was looking at anything but Kakashi, while Kakashi felt really guilty. It was hard to control what people feel and events that take place, but now that he was thinking back to the past few weeks, (M/n) and him rarely had time together.

“Dear, I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you,” Kakashi said, wiping (M/n)’s tears, “how about be spend some time together. I’ll request a small break to stay with you. Plus, those wounds won’t heal themselves, will they?”

(M/n) smiled at Kakashi’s words. Wrapping his arm tighter around the silver haired male’s waist. Kakashi leaned in, wrapping his arms around the other’s neck, bringing each other closer until their foreheads were touching. They started into each other’s eyes, slowly leaning in for a kiss.

“You’re my only one (M/n). I won’t love someone the way I love you.”

The moonlight showered both of them in its rays as they cherished the time they were spending together in each other’s arms.

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈๑⋅⋯ ୨˚୧ ⋯⋅๑┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

#anime #naruto #naruto x male reader #kakashi hakate #kakashi sensei #male reader

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jungshookz · 3 years

Text

skate a little piece of my heart; jjk

➺ pairing; jeon jungkook x reader

➺ genre; rollerskatinginstructor!jungkook!! sfw!! fluff!! honk honk humour!! jungkook is a very handsome instructor and y/n can’t tell if that’s a bad thing or a good thing

➺ wordcount; 6.3k

➺ summary; your two left feet and complete lack of balance isn’t the only thing that’s making you weak in the knees this valentine’s day.

➺ what to expect; “rollerskating is already hard enough as it is, and now i have to do it in front of him?!”

➺ currently spinning on the record player; how deep is your love; bee gees

»»————-　💫 ————-««

“this is so dumb.”

“safety is never dumb, y/n!” taehyung raps his knuckles against the top of your helmet and you scowl before swatting his hand away, “now, where are your kneepads?”

you let out a groan before tilting your head back slowly, your eyes widening in slight panic at the surprisingly hefty weight of the helmet

your arms flail for a second and you immediately reach up to grip both sides of the helmet before forcing your head back up

jesus

you nearly snapped your own neck there

of course, snapping your own neck would mean not being able to skate because you’d technically be dead… so maybe that’s not such a bad idea after all…

(by the way, it’s concerning how many times you’ve considered literal death just to get out of doing something.)

“are you going to lift your leg for me or do i have to do everything for you?”

you look down to see taehyung down on the ground in front of you holding one of the knee pads and you frown lightly before lifting your leg and placing your sock-clad foot on his knee

“please tell me this is the last of the safety gear…” you whine, “tae, i literally look so dorky right now- no one else is wearing helmets or knee and elbow pads!” you gesture to seokjin and namjoon who are busy putting on their skates over on the other bench before scoffing lightly and crossing your arms

if namjoon (arguably the klutziest one out of this group of people) isn’t even wearing a helmet, then what does that say about you??

you’ve seen him trip over nothing and scrape both his knees so why are you the only one wearing all of this junk?!

“i took you ice-skating over christmas and you fell flat on your ass more times than i could count, and you insisted that you didn’t need any safety equipment even though it was alarmingly clear that you did. i basically spent two hours making sure you didn’t die-” taehyung looks up at you with a raised brow, “do you want to fall and split your skull open in front of everyone?”

“if it means not having to gear up in all this dorkware- then, yes. i would love to have my brains splat across the rink in front of everyone. in fact, that would probably be less embarrassing-” you grumble, flinching slightly as taehyung suddenly yanks hard to tighten up your laces, “i’m an adult, taehyung! grown-ups don’t need to wear all of this!”

“grown-ups don’t throw tantrums either, but here you are…” taehyung mutters under his breath, putting your foot down before giving your knee a slap, “perfect! we’re good to go!”

“yeah, yeah…” you reach under to scratch at your elbow only to feel your nails scrape against the smooth surface of the plastic protection shell and you resist the urge to rip it off out of frustration

taehyung decided that it’d be a great idea to bring everyone to a rollerskating rink for valentine’s day this year instead of… letting people go out to intimate dinners and celebrate on their own… because, quote, ‘i just want all of us to spend more time together, and what better day to do that then on valentine’s day?? …ooh, we should call it pal-entine’s day. ha! get it?? because we’re all pals-’

(he was dumped recently, so everyone’s kind of letting him run the ship for now. …basically, no one can say no to taehyung unless they want to see him burst into tears. he’s still in a very delicate state.)

but, honestly… a rollerskating rink!

out of all the places to go to!

you already have two left feet, so forcing said left feet into shoes with wheels is a horrible idea

“i think it’d be best if i just sat back and watched you guys!” you try for the umpteenth time to get taehyung to let you off the hook, “plus, they sell chilli dogs here and they actually smell really good and i kind of want to order one for myself even though it might end in me having to get my stomach pumped-” you gesture back towards the refreshments counter and taehyung shakes his head before sticking his hand out for you

“there’s plenty of time for you to scarf down a rubbery hotdog later- now, c’mon-”

“i don’t even know how to skate!”

“that’s fine, you’ll learn! it’ll be like riding a bicycle except you are the bicycle-”

“you know, i’m just going to be complaining the whole time, and it’s going to ruin your time here. honestly, tae, why am i here??”

“because i’m not emotionally stable enough to spend valentine’s day alone yet and i need to surround myself with as many people as possible otherwise i’m going to be alone with my thoughts and i’m going to spiral!” taehyung’s voice cracks as he snaps at you and you immediately press your lips together and avert your gaze, trying to ignore the weird glances the two of you are getting from the strangers around you

…

“okay, well-” you push yourself up off the bench before wobbling slightly and reaching over to grab onto taehyung’s arm for stability, “i don’t know about you, but i’m most certainly ready to tear up that rink!”

“perfect!” taehyung chirps, quickly reverting back to his ‘everything is fine and i’m definitely not dying on the inside’ state, “and don’t worry. rollerskating is much easier than ice-skating, so there’s less of a chance of you potentially embarrassing yourself here-” taehyung gives your hand a pat as the two of you shuffle your way towards the entrance gate, “trust me, you’ll get the hang of it as soon as you start!”

“you saw me on ice…” you snort, your knees already wobbling as you take your first step into the rink, “i really don’t think i’m going to be any better on wood-”

“well, lucky for you…” taehyung lets go of you and you immediately cling to the railing in panic, “i went ahead i hired an instructor for you!”

you frown as you pull one hand away and rub your fingers together

god, why are the railings so sticky-

“you- woah, hold on a second-” you look up and over at taehyung with wide eyes when you finally catch on to what he just said, “i’m sorry, you did what?”

“what? i can’t stay by your side and watch you all night.” he shrugs, placing his hands on his hips as he stands in front of you, “we were moving so slowly on the ice that i was sure it was starting to melt underneath our skates-”

“you just told me you don’t want to be alone and now you’re handing me off to someone else instead of spending time with me??” you frown, manoeuvring your stance so that both your hands are gripping onto the railing behind your bum, “why force me to skate if you’re not doing it with me?”

“i mean, i obviously want to spend time with you, but i also don’t want to be skating, like, one mile an hour-” taehyung snorts, “i’m forcing you to skate so that one day, we can skate together without me having to worry about you slipping and sliding all over the place like a baby giraffe!”

“well, why can’t you teach me instead of paying for someone else to do it?”

a brief moment of silence passes as taehyung rolls over to get you to release your iron grip from the bars

“…because teaching you how to skate instead of actually spending time skating sounded really boring-” he mutters quickly, your eyes widening as you turn to look at him

“wha-”

“also-” he cuts you off, placing his hands on your hips from behind as he starts to roll you forwards slowly (though, you haven’t noticed this yet because you’re still focused on the fact that he didn’t want to teach you - you’re a great student!!), “there was a girl who kept smiling at me when i was strapping you up in all your gear, and i need to find out if i still have game or not-”

“this sounds more like you’re trying to fill the empty void inside of you with meaningless sex, which, by the way, isn’t a very healthy coping mechanism-”

“i will fill this empty void inside of me in whichever way i want, thank you very much-” taehyung snorts, shaking his head, “plus, it’s too late to back out because the policy states that they don’t take refunds and he’s already here-”

“wait, what??” you immediately look back to the front, the fact that you are being rolled towards someone now sinking into your brain, “who- oh my god, stop rolling me-!”

taehyung’s fingers dig into your hips as he comes to a sudden halt, “what??”

“spin me around.”

taehyung blinks before slowly turning you around so that you’re facing him and you pray to god that you don’t look like some kind of rotating rotisserie chicken right now

you open your mouth to speak when you finally see taehyung’s face again but he continues to spin you slowly so that you end up in the same position you were in a second ago

...

“for god’s sake, taehyung- spin me around so i’m looking at you, you moron-”

“ohh, okay, i thought you just wanted to spin you around for fun-”

“why would i want you to spin me around for f- okay, that’s not important right now-” you shake your head, “i just want to say that the only reason why i’m doing this is because you kind of sprung this on me last minute and i don’t want to inconvenience anyone, but just know that you now owe me big time- now, spin me back around and wheel me to whoever i’m going to be stuck with for the next couple of hours.”

“noted!” taehyung chirps as he rolls you back so you’re facing the front, “he’s right over there by the other entrance- the guy in the yellow-” your eyes flit around until they land on the guy in the yellow and you immediately feel your heart starting to beat a little harder in your chest at the sight of the guy in the yellow, “his name’s jungkook, he has a shining five-star rating, he’s a wonderful teacher according to all the parents whose kids he’s taught- i’m pretty sure you’re his oldest student so don’t embarrass yourself-”

you feel your mouth go dry when jungkook reaches down to adjust the bottom of his tied button-up shirt before opening the sides of it a little more to show off his chest

he reaches up to twirl a loose tendril of hair around his finger before gently pushing it back and running his hand through his hair, poking his tongue against the inside of his cheek briefly

oh no

oh, no

he’s attractive

he’s very, very attractive

“tae.” you keep a polite smile on your face as you slink your right arm behind you to attempt to blindly punch him in the gut, “why didn’t you tell me that the instructor was cute?”

“oh, i’m sorry.” taehyung responds sarcastically, “i didn’t think attractiveness was an important factor when considering an instructor.”

“well, it is when the instructor looks like that-” you feel your cheeks warm when jungkook smiles brightly at the two of you before waving enthusiastically, “rollerskating is already hard enough as it is, and now i have to do it in front of him?!”

“i don’t know what there is to freak out about. the guy’s handsome- so what?” taehyung waves back at jungkook before giving your hips a playful squeeze, “if anything, you should see this as a bonus - you get some eye-candy while you learn!”

“okay, well, don’t make me sound pervy-”

“not to mention, he’s your age! so it’ll be like you’re just hanging out with a friend-”

“a friend?! taehyung, i’m wearing overalls, my hair is in pigtails, and all this protective gear that you shoved me in makes me look like an eight year old-!” you gasp when you feel yourself suddenly bump into something hard and taehyung quickly loops his arm around your waist to keep you from toppling over

it’s a second later that you realize the something hard that you bumped into was jungkook’s obviously broad chest, so obviously this rollerskating lesson is already off to a fantastic start

“woah, you got it?” jungkook holds both his hands out in case you fall over and you let out a nervous chuckle before reaching up to push your helmet up slightly

“i’m fine!” your voice cracks and you clear your throat quickly, “…hello.”

“hi! it’s nice to meet you- y/n, right?” jungkook sticks his hand out for you to shake and you smile nervously before reaching out to take it, “my name’s jungkook! i’m super excited for today. we’re going to have a lot of fun together.”

you don’t know if it’s just because he’s clearly one of those fun and overly friendly! instructors or if he’s just naturally bubbly but he’s talking to you like you’re a child

(you probably could’ve ditched the pigtails today.)

“okay, i’m going to go off now so let me just hand y/n over to you-” taehyung arm slips from your waist before he gently rolls you towards jungkook, “you two have fun!”

your hands immediately slap down on the railings right as you feel yourself about you slip and you let out a breath of relief

that was a close call

“we will!” jungkook smiles, waving at taehyung as he skates off, “you enjoy yourself out there!”

you watch helplessly as taehyung skates away, jungkook turning back to look at you with a (very handsome) smile

you feel your heart skip a beat once again and you immediately curse in your head

…you’re screwed.

»»————-　💫 ————-««

“because of the balance and control required, it’ll take a little bit of getting used to- but once you get the hang out it, rollerskating is super fun!” jungkook reaches out so you can take his hand, “do you wanna let go of the bar for me?”

there are a lot of things you’d like to do for jungkook but letting go of the railing and potentially falling in front of him is most definitely not one of them

“you know, i think i’m good!” you chuckle, your knuckles practically going white at how tightly you’re gripping onto the railing, “why don’t you just keep talking while i… you know, get used to the feeling of just standing while wearing skates?”

“okay, if that’s what you’re comfortable with, that’s what we can do. let’s see… ah!” jungkook perks up, clapping his hands together before gesturing down to his own feet, “so, you’re gonna wanna keep your feet shoulder-width apart. can you do that for me?”

you look down at your feet, not at all surprised to see that they’re practically glued to each other

okay

shoulder-width apart

you can do that, right?

you lift your right foot up slowly before quickly moving it farther away from your left foot, your skate skidding slightly against the floor as you stomp down

goD these skates are clunky

you’ll never understand how people find this activity genuinely enjoyable

“see? not so bad, right? now, i’m really going to need you to let go of the bar for me so that we can move onto the next step- i swear i won’t let you fall if you take my hand.”

your eyes flicker down to his outstretched hand and you twist your lips uncertainly, “you promise?”

jungkook places his hand over his heart, “i promise.”

you lift one hand off the rail and quickly take jungkook’s hand, pausing for a second to make sure that everything feels okay before quickly lifting the other hand off the rail

you practically slap your hand down on jungkook’s other palm and let out a breath of relief as soon as he grips it tightly, and you look back in concern when jungkook starts to pull you away from the railing

“there you go! see?” jungkook smiles brightly, giving your hands a squeeze to get you to focus on him instead of the bars, “not so bad, right?”

“yeah, i guess so…” you puff out, feeling your heart starting to pound harder not onLY because the safety of the railings have been taken away from you but also because jungkook’s hands are… very soft.,,. and very warm,.,. and very pretty.,., and all-in-all very nice

“okay, step two. so, this next part is going to make you feel a little silly, but we have to walk like ducks because it just makes the process of walking easier. you kind of have to point your toes outwards- yeah, just like that! and don’t forget to squat a little-” jungkook hums, leaning over a little so he can look to see if your stance is okay, “perfect! we’re just going to keep practicing until you get used to walking...”

“you know, taehyung actually took me ice-skating over the holidays and i fell, like… ten times.” you snort, keeping your eyes on your skates as you take one small step after another, “i thought rollerskating would be easier but i feel like there are more rules to worry about…”

“oh my god, don’t even worry about it-“ jungkook snorts, shaking his head, “i’m an awful ice-skater. you’d think it’d come naturally to me because i can rollerskate- plus, i don’t see the fun in ice-skating! i know it’d never happen but i’m always paranoid that the skates are going to slice-”

“-the ice open and you’re going to fall through and plunge into the icy water?”

“exactly! see, you get it.” jungkook grins, leaning down a little to check your posture again, “you know, you’re a complete natural. i don’t know why you were so nervous to begin with!”

you snort in response and resist the urge to tell him that his face was one of the major things that contributed to your nerves

“ooh, and you know what else i hate about ice-skating?” jungkook gasps, “that if i fall and get my hands on the ground, someone’s going to skate over them and amputate all of my fingers.”

you immediately burst into giggles and he gawks playfully

“are you laughing at a genuine fear of mine, y/n?? i didn’t take you to be someone who could be so cruel…”

“no, i’m not laughing at you!” you smile softly and you can’t help but note how warm and comforting his presence is, “i’m just- i said that exact same thing to taehyung when we were ice-skating and he said i was being ridiculous, so it’s nice to know that someone shares the same opinions on ice-skating as i do.” you instinctively squeeze jungkook’s hands when you feel the wheels roll out from underneath you a little and you end up jerking forward a little

“woah-! you’re okay- i’ve got you…” jungkook rubs his thumbs over your knuckles reassuringly as he waits for you to regain your balance and start walking again, “i told you i wouldn’t let you fall, remember?”

“yeah…” you smile shyly, feeling your cheeks heat up a little

you don’t feel as nervous anymore

no wonder jungkook has a five-star rating as an instructor

he’s great!

“also, you do realise we’ve walked, like, an entire round around the rink, right?”

“what? we have?” you pause, looking up from your skates for the first time in ten minutes

you’re almost at the spot you were at right when you first started

woah

wow!!

you didn’t even realize!!

that’s so cool!!

you walked an entire round without falling (a lot of almost-falling, but you’ll take it)!!!

“i mean, i don’t know about you, but i feel like we can move on to gliding now…” jungkook whistles lowly, “you’re a very fast learner so i’m not worried.”

“gliding is…” you lean over a little when you notice taehyung having a blast at the other side of the rink with his new companion, the two of them skating side by side

she laughs at something he says before playfully swatting at his arm

it’s just good to see him smiling and not crying for once

one of the things that you love most about taehying is that he’s so in tune with his emotions, but when his ex (he forbade you from saying her name) broke up with him, he cried so much that you were pretty sure he had completely dehydrated himself

so it’s nice that he seems to be enjoying himself!

“so, gliding is-” jungkook steps over to get right into your line of vision and you quickly look back at him with an attentive smile, “basically turning your steps into smoooooth strokes. instead of dropping your foot straight down, you’re going to be pushing it forward and out. it’s kind of hard to explain gliding… you kinda just have to let momentum carry you forward and do its thing, you know? it’s literally just a one foot after the other situation.”

“well, if you can glide backwards, i’m sure i can figure out how to do it normally.” you point out, jungkook snorting in response

“trust me, you’ll be able to pick it up quickly. remember that when you’re gliding on one foot to keep your other slightly hovering above ground so it doesn’t interfere-” jungkook stops himself when he notices your brows knitting together (you seem to do this a lot when you’re focusing too hard on something), “ah, you know- i find that it’s easier to glide when you’re not actually focused on the gliding!” he chirps, giving your hands a reassuring squeeze, “if it helps, you can keep your eyes on me instead of staring down at your skates.”

hAh

if anything, staring directly at jungkook is going to throw you off your game compared to keeping your eyes glued on the ground

“okay, i will... try not to focus on the gliding while simultaneously focus on the gliding.” your tongue instinctively pokes out slightly in concentration as you push forward with one foot, being sure to keep your other a little above ground just like jungkook said

you quickly switch to the other foot when you feel your right foot slowly starting to lose momentum, pushing off with your left instead and lengthening your stride so you can skate a little further

hey

look at that!

not bad!!

“look at you go, superstar!” jungkook cheers encouragingly, grinning from ear to ear as he watches you gliding flawlessly, “you were born for this!”

“you know, you may have a point- woAh-” your skates roll out a little from under you and you lurch forward, jungkook quickly sliding his grip from your hands to underneath your elbows to keep you from falling, “...yeah, so i spoke too soon.” you huff, blowing a strand of hair away from your face as you glance up at jungkook, still bent over at a ninety degree angle

“it’s my bad, i think i may have blown up your ego with all my compliments-” the sides of his eyes crinkle as he laughs, “all good?”

you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and feel a piece of your soul float out from your body when you realise you basically look like a little old woman clutching onto one of those rolling walkers

wow

the possibility of jungkook being interested in you was low to begin with, but now it’s probably been squashed entirely

“uh, yes!” you clear your throat as you force yourself to stand up stick-straight, your knees clacking together for a second before you get back into position, “all good! i’m all good. we’re good.”

oh boy

if it makes you feel any better… it can’t get any worse than this, right?

“i-” you jolt when the music suddenly clicks off and is replaced by the shrill ringing of microphone feedback

“youch.” jungkook winces, raising his shoulder slightly and tilting his head down towards it so he can try to cover up one of his ears

your brows furrow in confusion as you look up towards the speakers, unsure of if there’s just a technical difficulty or if something important is happening, “what’s going o-”

“sorry for the interruption, skaters! we just wanted to cut in and wish every single one of you a happy valentine’s day...”

a large disco ball lowers from the ceiling as the lights begin to dim, the room suddenly engulfed in a warm pink glow as visions of glinting sparkles and hearts reflect from the disco ball onto the wooden floors along with the velvety walls

oh, god

seriously?!

you look up towards the speakers and resist the urge to curse and shake your fist at them like an angry old man

haven’t the people here considered that there might be single people in the rink?!

…on valentine’s day…??

yeah that doesn’t make much sense

“grab your lover and glide along the floor as we play you some romantic tunes on this romantic evening… also, to the owner of a baby blue mercedes-benz convertible- i repeat, a baby blue mercedez-benz convertible... your car is parked in a tow-away zone. that’s all!”

the bee gees’ how deep is your love starts to play and you quickly pull your hands away from jungkook’s, your face flushing in embarrassment at the sudden change in atmosphere

you wobble slightly as soon as you pull away and immediately stick both your arms out in a poor attempt to keep balanced

okay

all you have to do is glide your way towards the exit so that you’re not just awkwardly standing in the middle of the ring while lovey-dovey couples skate around you

it’s only then that you realise that jungkook is facing away from you and seemingly looking for someone

you tap him on the shoulder and he turns to glance at you, “yes?”

“who... who are you looking for?” you frown, leaning over to peer over him so you can see what he’s seeing

“hm? oh, i was just looking for your boyfriend…” he trails off, continuing to look around the rink, “the two of you probably want to skate together right now and you’ll get to show off your brand new gliding skills, which is exciting-”

“boyfri- are you talking about taehyung?” you snort, quirking a brow in amusement, “he’s… oh my god, he’s definitely not my boyfriend. i’m only here for emotional support because he just got out of a relationship- we don’t have to get into it- the point is, he’s not my boyfriend. i don’t, uh, i’m not in a relationship at the moment. i’m… very single.”

why are you still talking?!

you clear your throat as you look for the nearest exit gate

“oh!” jungkook blinks before turning back around to face you, “in that case-“ your eyes widen in surprise when he sticks his hand out for you to take, “shall we?”

you blink down at his outstretched hand cluelessly before suddenly realizing what it is he’s asking

“oh, i-” you snort, immediately shaking your head, “no, you don’t have to do that…”

“what do you mean?” jungkook frowns, tilting his head curiously, “you don’t want to skate with me? after all we’ve been through?? y/n, you’re breaking my heart here!” he jokes, clutching at his chest before pouting (quite cutely) at you

“n-no!” you laugh lightly, shaking your head, “i mean, of course i’d love to skate with- i-it’s very nice of you to offer, and i know you’re obviously being paid and stuff but you don’t… ah, you don’t have to force yourself to skate with me if you don’t want to...” you mutter, reaching up to scratch the back of your neck, “like, i’m sure taehyung’s already planning to give you an extra big tip for basically babysitting me all night so you don’t have to force yourself to do anything extra-”

“no, i wanna skate with you!” jungkook interrupts, skating over so that he’s standing next to you instead, “plus, it’ll be good practice, right?”

“well, i-” you don’t get a chance to respond before jungkook’s suddenly slipping an arm around your waist and holding onto one of your hands for extra support, “i don’t know, i suppose i’m just not used to gliding without holding both of your hands so i’m just worried i’m going to make both of us fall somehow which would be mortifying-”

“that’s alright, i can hold both your hands if you feel safer that way,” jungkook chuckles, his arm sliding away from your waist so he can swivel around and stand in front of you again, “after all, it’s better to be safe than to be sorry!” he takes your hands gently as he starts to skate backwards, his thumbs rubbing the tops of your knuckles comfortingly

-‘cause we’re living in a world of fools... breaking us down... when they all should let us be... we belong to you and me...

how deep is your love continues to echo all around you and even though you feel a little awkward skating around with your instructor to a very romantic song, you have to admit that this was a great choice of song for valentine’s day

it’s a timeless classic!

“so, you, um…” jungkook clears his throat after a minute or two of comfortable silence, turning back for a second to glance over his shoulder and make sure he’s not about to crash into anyone, “what kind of things do you like doing?”

and it’s me you need to show... how deep is your love?

“rollerskating. is it not obvious?” you joke, looking up at him and reminding yourself that you should make more of an effort to look at him and noT constantly at the ground, “um, i don’t know! that’s kind of a broad question, i guess. i like... i like... i like painting-! i mean, i’m not good at it, but it’s a pretty relaxing hobby...”

“painting is nice!” jungkook nods slowly in agreement before perking up slightly, “say, have you ever been to a pottery studio?”

“you know, i actually haven’t!” you shake your head before staring past jungkook’s shoulder in thought, “i should go to one... it sounds like a lot of fun! do you...” you cough quietly and avert your gaze slightly, “do you go there often with your... uh, significant other?”

“me? oh, i’m not in a relationship.” jungkook chuckles before giving you a shrug, “none of my co-workers wanted to take the valentine’s day shift because they actually have someone to spend valentine’s day with, so... that’s why i’m here!”

“oh! so, you’re…” you trail off before pressing your lips together and giving him a firm nod, “i see.”

so you’re both single?

interesting

very interesting

you can’t help but wonder if he’s looking to change that

“i-”

“incoming!”

you don’t even get a chance to turn around to see what’s going on when suddenly someone’s basHING into you from behind and making you lose your balance

and the next thing you know you’re stumbling forwards and poor jungkook’s reflexes aren’t fast enough because-

“oh-!” you land on top of jungkook with your legs on either side of him, your knee pads clacking loudly against the ground, “oh, shit-”

“sorry! my bad!” taehyung glides past you with a sheepish smile before not-so-subtly gesturing to the girl he’s got on his arm and giving you an obnoxious wink and a thumbs up as a way to let you know he’s definitely getting boned tonight

you want nothing more than to rip your skates off right now so you can chase after him and bash his head in

you turn to look down at jungkook, immediately raising your hands up off his (broad, broad) chest as your entire face flushes bright red, “i am- i am so sorry- are you okay?? is your head okay?? i can- i can give you my helmet!” you wince, reaching up to unbuckle your helmet before hastily taking it off and tossing it aside

“don’t sweat it, i’m completely fine-” jungkook laughs lightly before shaking his head, propping himself up onto his elbows and blowing a curled strand of hair away from his eyes with a puff, “my head’s fine! luckily i didn’t hit it on the ground or anything like that, but my ass-”

“oh, god. i’m so sorry- here, i’ll-” you attempt to get up off the ground only for the wheels on your skates to roll out from under you and for your knee to smack against the ground again, jungkook grunting as you bounce on him a little harder than intended, “oh, jesus christ-”

great

there’s no way you’re going to be able to get up because of these stupid skates and now your very cute instructor is a hostage in between your thighs!

“this is so humiliating, i am... so, so sorry- i’m definitely forcing taehyung to give you a generous tip after all of this is over-” you laugh uncomfortably, your hands about to place themselves on jungkook’s chest again before you quickly move them so that they’re on either side of his head instead

of course, this position isn’t any better because now you’re just staring down at his face directly

little white hearts from the disco ball float over his face and though you know this is hardly the right time, your heart can’t help but go badumpbadump at the reminder of how pretty jungkook is

“okay, wait, what if i-” he suddenly sits straight up and your eyes immediately cross at the close proximity of your faces, “hi.”

you don’t know if it’s even possible but you feel your face get even redder and you find that you’re unable to look away from jungkook

he has very sweet-looking eyes

they’re a very nice shade of brown

“i- uh, hello.” you clear your throat quietly, pressing your hands as close to your own chest as possible so that you’re not touching jungkook, “hi.”

the last thing you want is for him to accuse you of groping him

but maybe it’d be a good thing to get a lifetime ban from the rollerskating rink

then taehyung will never be able to force you to skate again!

“we should take your skates off so that we’re not stuck like this all night.” you twitch when you feel jungkook’s hand slide down the side of your calf before reaching the top of your skates, “do you think you can undo your other one for me?”

“ah- yes. yes, i can do that.” you turn away so you can look back at your skate, reaching down and ripping the velcro strap before hurrying to undo the laces

you feel jungkook fumble at your skate, yanking the tie loose before trying to help you wiggle your foot out of it, “okay, just pull your foot out-”

“yeah, lemme just-” you have to shuffle forwards in order for jungkook to pull the skate off of you and your nose crinkles when you realize you’ve just gone ahead and fully pressed your chest to jungkook’s

wonderful

just wonderful

(for the record, he smells really good... but you’re pretty sure you sound like a creep right now, so maybe you should go ahead and scrap that thought.)

“what happened to not letting me fall?” you joke lightly as you get up off the ground, hoping to ease the tension a little from whatever all of that was, “are you sure you’re okay? i didn’t break anything?”

“i promise you i’m totally fine-” jungkook gets back up onto his feet and bends down to pick up your skates before popping up to look at you with a grin, “and it only happened because i was distracted!” he pauses for a brief moment before tilting his head, his smile softening, “can you blame me? you’re very pretty.”

you weren’t expecting him to say that

“oh, that’s- ha… that’s very nice of you.” you reach up to scratch the back of your neck before letting out a nervous chuckle, “you are… also… quite… visually appealing.”

quite visually appealing

why are you speaking like an alien trying to convince everyone that they aren’t an alien?!

“so, there’s still about half an hour left of your lesson left, but i feel like you’ve had enough of skating for now.” jungkook changes the subject quickly and you can’t help but notice that his ears are starting to get red, “we can just sit on the bench and rest... or do you... uh, do you maybe want to share a chilli dog with me?” he asks quietly, and for the first time since meeting him he’s the one who looks away from you first

“...you know, i think that might be the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me.” you giggle, reaching over to loop your arm through his when he sticks it out for you, “i would love to share a chilli dog with you.”

“not to flex or anything, but i do get the employee discount…” jungkook clicks his tongue, reaching up to pop open his collar obnoxiously before turning to give you a wide grin, “and if that doesn’t impress you, i don’t know what will.”

🎙️help me help you make your wishes come true (send me a request!)

✨why don’t you explore the rest of the library while you’re here?

💫or perhaps you want something shorter to read?

🌟or something even shorter?

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