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itsmoonphobic · 4 years

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Elemental Souls (SBI+Tommy 4 elements au)

(🌿) ♡ (🔥) ♡ (🌊) ♡ (🌬)

Techno Blade -Fire:

"Fire is the rapid oxidation of a material in the exothermic chemical process of combustion, releasing heat, light, and various reaction products."

You can either see Techno as rude,cocky and egoistic or you can see him as loyal,determined and smart.

Becouse of his cold facade,Techno can scare poeple off easily.The fact that he gets aggressive easily doesn't make it any better.He tends to be very sarcastic and loves to tease/ignore people badly which is another reason poeple tend to stay away from him.

Techno can be described as terrifying.Becouse he is very intelligent and silent poeple around him can only wonder what he is thinking and if he is planning on killing someone soon.Of course Techno never killed anyone and he would never do so but his scary aura makes people believe he did and would do it again.

He doesn't take things very seriously and will only get invested if he is deeply committed and interested in them or if he gets something out of it.Techno may say that he isn't a competitive person but god is this man lying to himself.

Challenging Techno to something is probably the most dumbest move you could make.Not only will he destroy you and win but he will make a whole ass war out of it.This guy won't sleep,eat or talk to another human being until he's won.And you can bet your ass he will totally humiliate you and rub it in till it burns-

That's what Techno can be seen as from the outside. But on the inside he is anything but confident,cocky and unbeatable.He is very shy and socially awkward. He only picks out certain people who he will let take part in his life.On some days his insecurities will get the best of him and he won't come out of his room for weeks-

Hours and hours spent on crying only then become evident once he leaves his room and reveals this mess of red and puffy eyes,dark valleys and pale skin.The vibes he gives off basically scream "back of and leave me the fuck alone or I will burn you to death"

Others may think that a fiery person like him has to have exciting and risky hobbies-When in reality Techno loves peaceful and quiet activities like reading or studying.May I add that in his free time Techno absolutely loves to be outside and farm potatoes on a daily-

Sure Techno does fighting and skill upgrading from time to time but when he is left alone with his head full of thoughts he will scurry to the local library and spend the rest of his day there.Nobody questions why he goes there or makes fun of him that such a tough guy reads books-Becouse they very well know he will personally beat them up and burn down their houses.

Techno's best friend Phil is the only person who he truly trusts with everything and anything.The two of them grew up together and developed a really strong emotional and family like bond.Techno only allows Phil to see his vulnerable and fragile side,he will cry infront of him and even let Phil hug him while he reassures him that everything will work out and be fine.

Techno isn'a touchy guy,for him pda is disgusting and unnecessary-like,why the fuck would you put your hands on another person?What kind of person enjoys sharing physical contact?Not Techno that's for sure.

Over time Techno became more open and extroverted so he agreed to meeting two of Phil's friends,both of them having different elements.Phil commented something about how he thinks that opposite friendships are way more exciting and fun!Techno didn't think much of it,he simply rolled his eyes and went along with it.

That was the day Techno met Wilbur and Tommy.He could immediately tell that Tommy would be annoying as fuck and really hard to deal with-I mean the kid was only twelve when they first got introduced.Wilbur on the other hand sparked some sort of feeling inside of Techno that made him feel welcomed in his presence.

So yeah over the course of the next four years the four element benders became really close.Yes even grumpy Techno had to live with the fact that he would die for all of them-even Tommy.And speaking of Tommy,he and Techno do everything together-

If you would to make fun of Tommy or tease/annoy him in any be it negative or positive way-Techno would hunt you down and burn you-If it isn't intense he will stick to only a threat-but if you actually physically or mentally hurt Tommy??Oh boy-I may have said that Techno never did and never would kill somebody,but in this case there is a high chance of an angry Techno being after you.

Techno sees his friend group as family members.Phil represents a huge father figure,Wilbur his younger brother and Tommy his youngest brother.He is very overprotective of them all,especially over Tommy if you couldn't already tell.With how much shit he gets himself into and the fact that he is only sixteen years young and his braincells are still producing he can't but worry for him and take care of him,even if he does bully the fuck out of him :)

Wilbur and Techno have the best moments.The two of them both enjoy reading so you can occasionally discover them in the local town library where they are just enjoying the peace shared between eachother. Although Wilbur does have a chaotic and wild side to him which he lets out when he's around Tommy,he becomes quite and relaxed when around the fire bender.Techno knew from the moment he met Wilbur that the two of them would get along great.

Techno isn't really good with showing his feelings or dealing with his emotions-Like I said apart from pride and anger he doesn't reveal much to the world.Phil used to be the only person Techno trusted but now with the whole gang on his side he earned himself more poeple to rely on.Of course it took time for him to open up and really let himself go infront of Tommy and Wilbur but the waiting definitely paid off.

When Techno practices,for example his weapon usage and fire bending it is best to leave him alone and stay a safe distance away from him.There is a chance for him to attack you,though he will most likely just snap at you and tell you to piss off if you don't wanna burn alive and if you wanna keep all your fingers in place.

Also not to mention,Techno is on the way of becoming a vegetarian.At the start he only hated eating anything related to pigs,like bacon or pork chops.But after developing his love for farming he noticed just how unnecessary eating meat is.Sure he still consumes meat from time to time but in most of the cases he will turn it down and eat a baked potato instead :D

Squid and Dream(A water bender and a earth bender) are both in a rivalry with him.Techno is probably the one who started randomly picking on Squid at one point and from there on out they kind of grew close?Not too close but most definitely a form of friendship.

Dream on the other hand is hundred percent the one who constantly competes with Techno.Be it in element bending or grades in school.If Dream manages to get even half a point more on an exam he would literally celebrate.The most annoying part is the fact that Techno doesn't even acknowledge Dream. Just to see Dream's face when Techno only shrugs and lets out a small "ehh" while saying that it doesn't matter and he sees no point in anyone trying to be as good as him or better,makes it more entertaining ;D

To sum it all up: Techno is a natural born leader.His dedication and determination along with his loyalty are a healthy base for a powerful soul.The reason behind his aggressive,confident and somewhat rude side is due to the fact that he is a fire bender and his element is naturally fierce.He fights for what he thinks is important and right and never lets anything happen to the poeple he deeply loves and cares about.He is not the best when it comes to showing sympathy and affection and he doesn't seek it from anyone else.He has to deal with major mental health issues but he's more than thankful for his friends that are by his side and help him out on his journey.Once Techno opens up to you more you know he likes you,like I said to earn Techno's respect and trust you have to meet his expectations and show him that you actually care for him and his well being.He needs some love guys <3

Like fire itself, fire benders tend to be passionate, dynamic, and temperamental. Fire can keep you warm, or it can do great destruction. While fire burns out quickly without fuel to keep it going, it can also regenerate its power from the ashes. A single spark can set off a forest fire. As a result, fire benders need to be nurtured and managed carefully.

Phil Watson - Air:

"Air refers to the Earth's atmosphere. Air is a mixture of many gases and dust particles. It is the clear gas in which living things live and breathe. It has an indefinite shape and volume. It has mass and weight, because it is matter."

The most hardworking,kind and caring guy you will ever encounter.Phil is the definition of wholesome :)

Phil is a very understanding and empathetic person. He patiently listens and respects people's boundaries and insecurities.He is a great comfort to many poeple with phobias and mental health issues.A part of his element is care and gentleness.Phil is very careful and elegant with his words and actions.He tends to not be hasty and obnoxious around people he first meets or knows who don't like that type of behavior.

He and Techno are very close.Phil trusts Techno with his eyes closed and the same goes for Techno.The way the two of them interact with eachother suprises people all the time.How could such a gentle soul deal with a feisty one like Techno's??Outsiders and even familiars wonder if the two share some sort of telepathic connection.All in all they share an unbreakable and strong family like bond.

Not only did Phil introduce his other really good friends to Techno and managed to get him to open up more and trust other people apart from him,but he also helped Techno realize that there are other poeple out there who care about him and want to give him nothing but undeniable love <3

Techno may be close with Wilbur and Tommy but the only person who knows about Techno's struggles and his biggest fears is Phil.He knows exactly in which way he needs to talk to him and how to act around him.Phil knows Techno doesn't like affection like hugs and holding hands but as a sign of appreciation and gratefulness Techno allows Phil to hug him while he calms him down and takes care of him.

The way he acts with such precision and grace makes anyone feel welcomed and comfortable around Phil. Phil is very helpful.He doesn't wait for poeple to come up to him and ask him for something,he goes up to them and asks if he can help them out with anything.

He stands up for justice and always does the right things.Phil has a big heart,if he sees anyone who is hurt or feeling down his parent like instincts will activate and he will immediately comfort them.

All three of his best friends(Techno,Wilbur,Tommy) look up to him as a father figure,which warms Phil's heart and he honestly he thinks it's super cute <3 So naturally Phil can't but see them as his three polar opposite,chaotic sons.He would do anything for the three of them,even risking his own life.

Tommy and Phil's relationship is probably the most cutest one.When Phil tells Tommy to quit it or to stop fighting with Wilbur or Techno(mostly Wilbur),Tommy instantly goes quiet and apologises for it.Phil's air bending is something that Tommy loves about him.He will always ask the elder if he can twirl him around in the air and make him fly.Phil gladly does so and he will tickle him with the wind he creates until Tommy is a giggling mess :D

Wilbur and Phil on the other hand are a completely different dynamic than Techno & Phil or Tommy & Phil. Most think that Phil would be scared of Techno like any other person is but it's actually Wilbur who genuinely scares Phil from time to time.Sure anyone who sees him doesn't think that something like "I just wanna fucking murder everyone around me and drag them to the bottom of the ocean-" would come out of his mouth.It's not only what he says it's how and when he says horrifying things like that.They could be out on a walk and Wilbur would just have the most blank expression while he says sentences like that.Phil is pretty sure that he even caught Tommy holding onto Techno's hand once while Techno shivered slightly with wide eyes.

Phil is known for being very respectful and polite.He doesn't like to be mean and angry towards anyone!He is a big pacifist(unlike other poeple 👀)who likes to sort things out with a nice and peaceful conversation instead of turning to immediate violence.He will argument with someone,but only when he has a good reason to do so.If he sees people arguing or fighting he will confront them about it and make sure they settle down and put their differences aside.

He's affectionate and really interested in the problems of others,as if they were his own.He will always be there if you are stuck with something and need help solving or overcoming said problem.He'll make sure that both of you find a way to get rid of it! <3

Air benders are also the most forgiving element benders,so Phil can tell the difference between acting out and just plain old meanness,and he understands that in moments of strong emotion, people can say and do things to can hurt others. Not that he'd ever do the same!His cool, collected vibe helps him navigate the drama and analyze it throughly.

Phil is a master of both small talk and deep convos, and he knows how to use his wit to get him out of awkward moments.That's another way Phil instantly gets the hang of strangers he just met!!He knows what subjects to bring up and what topics to talk about that they are interested in!

Also I quickly wanna say that Phil's laugh is super contagious!He could be out with Techno,Wil and Tommy while the three of them rant on and on about their days and just talk about random,shit.Phil will silently listen to every detail in the background while he uncontrollably laughs.He will let out a small "What?" or "No way dude" but apart from those small phrases he just prefers listening and cackling.He loves to see other people laugh and smile and is even more happy when he is the reason they do so :3

Phil is generous and selfless.He puts the health and safety of others before his own.He doesn't require many things to be satisfied in his life.As long as he has his family and friends he couldn't be more grateful <3

He definitely has a love for birds such as pigeons and doves.One time about two years ago Tommy brought Phil a beautiful silver feathered bird for his birthday. Even with his element being air,Phil sometimes wishes and dreams of flying himself,being able to feel that freedom for himself you know?He sees birds as lucky to have a gift such as flying.

Air benders are all about action, ideas, and motion—they are the “winds of change.” When a strong gust hits you, you can’t help but move. While some within their ranks may be true-life “airheads,” others are as powerful as a gravity-defying G-force. Air benders bring everyone a breath of fresh air when things start to get stale. Like the breeze, you can’t quite catch them, and you never know where they’ll drop you once they sweep you up. It will almost always been an adventure, though

Wilbur Soot - Water:

"Water is an inorganic, transparent, tasteless, odorless, and nearly colorless chemical substance, which is the main constituent of Earth's hydrosphere and the fluids of all known living organisms. It is vital for all known forms of life, even though it provides no calories or organic nutrients."

Charming,suave and flirty in a way that can only be from fiction.Do men like that even exist?Apparently they do and they go by the name of Wilbur Soot.

Ever stand under a waterfall? That’s what it’s like when a Wilbur is feeling an intense emotion.

Intuitive, emotional and ultra-sensitive,Wilbur can be as mysterious as the ocean itself. Like water,he can be refreshing,or he can drown you in his depths.Security is important to him,after all, water needs a container, or it dries up and disappears.

He tends to hold on to people and items long past their expiration dates,and his emotions are always flowing like the waves of the oceans.Wilbur has intense dreams,visions,and an intuition so strong that it’s basically a psychic power.He can see situations happening from a mile away before they occur.

He might intentionally seek out sad music or movies, and he probably has childhood photos framed in his room.Emotional and creative,he relays on his heart and gut to make a decision.Logic and reason are second to his feelings which is how he navigates the material world.Wilbur also longs for security at all times,which makes sense as he's protective of his loved ones and himself.He'll do everything he can to help the ones he cares about,even if it’s at his own expense.

However, like most things beautiful, below the surface many complexities often arise and the same is true when talking about water benders.

Wilbur is notoriously perceptive and he possesses instincts when it comes to sussing out people and situations.He's guided by his gut feelings and more often than not his first instinct about a person are dead on.He can get a feel for whether someones intentions are honorable or not just by observing their body language and general demeanor.

Like a river filling in every crevice of its path,Wilbur covers every detail and often picks up on things that others miss.No riverbed is left to dry as the water flows through each and every intricacy.

The water signs are no stranger to emotion, in fact, they often feel things rather intensely.

On one hand,his emotional side can provide him with a lot of insight and wisdom into the human experience which he can even then pass on to others.On top of this,it allows him to be incredibly empathetic which helps him form strong bonds with others.

But sometimes he can get so overcome by his emotions that it feels like a giant tidal wave just hitting him all at once. When he feels overwhelmed like this he can find it tough to think straight and make rational decisions.

Because he is so prone to analyzing absolutely everything he can sometimes overthink things a little too much and make life more complicated for himself then it needs to be.He has a bad habit of coming up with problems and obstacles in his mind that don’t actually exist or aren’t nearly as bad as he's talked himself into them being.

Sometimes you might catch Wilbur acting withdrawn or shy but the truth is he's probably just deep in thought and mentally a million miles away.He often finds his thoughts are racing at a million miles an hour and that he's powerless to do anything about it.

Just like a bustling river,Wilbur can be a bit wishy washy and kinda all over the place… especially when it comes to making important decisions.Too many options can sometimes leave him overwhelmed and struggling to make any decision at all.

He's also known for being easily distracted and can go from paying close attention in one moment to being totally away with the fairies the next.He doesn't do it out of rudeness he just can’t help himself sometimes!

Wilbur has a very private and mysterious side,he doesn’t like to reveal all of his cards at once.He's known for putting up walls and can be particularly guarded when he's around people he doesn't trust.

From time to time he needs space to himself to think and unwind. As much as he loves his friends and family there’s just some times where he's gotta have some alone time to spend by himself.

Wilbur sure has a unique way of looking at the world. His perspective combined with his vivid imagination makes him naturally gifted in music or anything involving a creative flare.He is a dreamer at heart whose ideas aren't limited by pesky rules or conventions.

He has a big musical talent,his voice is a perfect balance between rough and velvety.It's not too high and not too low,not too loud and not too quiet.The moment he strums his guitar strings he can wrap anybody around his finger.

Wilbur is emotionally manipulative.He can make you feel bad for something you didn't even do.He can make you regret things or certaint actions that aren't supposed to make you feel regretful.He will only use this "talent" of his in a worst case scenario.If you ever hurt his friends or loved ones he will make your life a living hell,wouldn't even wonder if you never decided to show your face to the public ever again.

Techno's and his relationship is wonderful.Wilbur has helped Techno so much to open up more and come out of his shell.They both enjoy the peaceful and quiet times in their life.Reading,going on walks or strolling along the beach while watching a sunset is just some of the many things they love doing together.He isn't as close to Techno like Phil is but he is close second. He sees him as his older and stronger brother who will always be there for him when he needs him.Honestly the two of them have such a beneficial dynamic <3

Now Tommy's and Wilbur's interactions are something absolutely opposite.When the two of them spent time together,they become these chaotic and annoying siblings that go around town and fuck with people. There was this one time where they flooded a barn which belonged to Phil's neighbors and the two reckless idiots ran away laughing.Sure Tommy steals Phil's stuff all the time or uses it without permission but Wilbur,just like Techno,is very overprotective of Tommy.If he finds out that somebody hurt Tommy in any way or made fun of him he will beat them up. Literally he will call in Techno for help to go and pay the little fuckers who messed with Tommy a visit.The only ones who are allowed to tease and bully Tommy are Techno and Wilbur,no one else.

Phil and Wilbur have some of the best moments when spending time with eachother.Not only is Phil a great source of reassurance and comfort but he knows that Phil will seal his mouth shut if Wilbur speaks to him about his insecurities and problems.He loves that Phil listens to him and never judges him about anything. Like the other two Wilbur sees Phil as a father figure. A great and inspiring role model he can look up to.

He likes to collect sea shells and old treasures he finds scattered over the sand at the beach.He doesn't like swimming or diving,which is really unrealistic to not only other water benders but benders in general.It's not that Wilbur is scared,he simply likes to admire it from the shore.He will do it from time to time must mostly he will just sit down and let his legs and feet rest in the cold liquid.

I can imagine that when he was a kid he used to pretend to be a pirate.He still has his old eye patch and hook that were part of his costume.Now,even after thirteen years he still likes to go up to the harbor when the fishermen arrive with a freshly caught catch and watch the ships glide across the indigo waves.

Tommy Simons - Earth:

"Earth materials are vital resources that provide the basic components for life, agriculture and industry. Earth materials can also include metals and precious rocks."

Tommy is outgoing,energetic and he isn't afraid to speak up and share his thoughts with others.A very openminded and positive guy.He always looks on the bright side of every situation he finds himself in.

He is down to earth.He doesn't believe in having dreams,he only believes and accepts things the way they are and how they are portrayed in his eyes.

People don't realize it but they are seriously underestimating Tommy.When you first see him you don't expect him to have good strategies and the ability of leadership like Techno clearly has.But that's the thing.One of the many things Tommy picks up while being in a friendship with the fire bender is experience.Techno will lazily teach the young earth bender how to protect himself and lead a team. Without Techno's guidance Tommy would have been in trouble countless times.So you could say that Techno is Tommy's mentor :)

He's a great mood booster!If there is awkward tension in a room or between others he will make it up by just being there and doing what Tommy does the best, brighten up the atmosphere!He will start random conversations and just try to get everyone else to do something fun like play a game or watch a movie.

Techno may help Tommy with things like self defense and how to establish dominance but the earth bender helps him with his potato farming!He will hurry up the process of their growth and make sure they are perfect before they are harvested.He keeps track of the amount of soil and vitamins the earth their roots grow in receives.

Speaking of Techno's and his relationship: The two of them are so close it's insane.They do everything with eachother!They train,upgrade their skills in bending and fighting,they go out to eat or have a drink,they go around town and fuck things up-the two of them are huge pranksters.Tommy always tries to prove himself infront of Techno and impress him in any way.Tommy loves spending time with Techno,the blond earth bender admires him in so many different ways- They don't have to be doing much together,it can be mindless talking or simply being in the same room.

Wilbur and Tommy are ehhh- special?On one side they are funny and entertaining together but on the other side they can be insulting eachother with such vulgarity that you could think they are about to commit murder any moment.Tommy talks so much shit about Wilbur.If you're dumb enough and actually choose to listen to him,he will ramble on about how Wilbur thinks he's so smart and good with the ladies- Yoo would think that after trash talking him that Tommy hates Wilbur's guts but it's the opposite!!If he catches you talking bad about Wilbur behind his back he will call Techno and they will hunt you down.

Tommy like everyone else sees Phil as his very caring and cool dad!Phil somehow always finds out about all the shit Tommy does and he gets scolded for it.Like most people,if Tommy ever has a problem he's dealing with or he's in a uncomfortable situation,Phil is the first person who crosses his mind and therefore the one he turns to.

The way Tommy goes around their town and picks fights with others is so stupid.At the end he comes home with bruises and wounds all over his skin.One time his best friend Toby brought him to Phil with a bloody nose and Phil's reaction was screeching-

He is extremely curious and stubborn.He doesn't really think before he acts and dives into unknown things he's not familiar with head first.Techno is the one who laughs at him and teases him about how clumsy he is.

Earth benders keep it real. They are the “grounded” people on the planet, the ones who bring us down to earth and remind us to start with a solid foundation. Slow and steady, these “builders” are loyal and stable, and stick by their people through hard times. On good days, they’re practical; at worst, they can be materialistic or too focused on the surface of things to dig into the depths.

Hope you enjoyed this au!!I am currently writing MULTIPLE stories and au's so bare with me guys!I don't like working fast becouse my work afterwards doesn't feel completed:( I hope all of you have a wonderful day/night <3 Love ya!!!

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thecandywrites · 4 years

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Jewel Of The North Part 3

Aaah, we’re getting closer. Also this is fantasy, let’s pretend pallas cats are thunder cats and that they can be tamed. Also Scottish wild cats are a thing too. They can be thunder cats too.

Again major thanks to @monstersandmaw for sharing ice orcs with me.

Jewel of the North

Part 3

You found yourself getting up at 4:30 and quickly got a shower and got ready as the sun was coming up and by 5 am, you were itching to leave and decided to just go and practically speed walked to Noah’s house in the misty dawn, only to find Sakura and Noah sitting on the front porch, wrapped in blankets as Noah looked particularly tired as he downed his coffee as two snow dogs laid on the porch, trying to get some sleep before they heard your approach and sat up and stared at you before they got up and slowly wagged their tails but didn’t make a sound.

“Paradise!” Sakura squealed when she saw you as she instantly got up and ran to you as you laughed at the name as you caught her and picked her up and kissed her cheek as the dogs came running over to you too.

“Well good morning to you too Munchkin!” You greeted happily before you carried her back to the house and cooed to the dogs who seemed happy and excited to see you too and sniffed at you eagerly and barked and ‘greeted’ you too in their own way.

“What are you doing up so early?” You asked her.

“I didn’t want to miss you coming!” She insisted.

“Aw,” you cooed. “How long have you been up?” You asked her.

“Since 4:30- she woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed.” Noah answered as he slowly got up out of his deck chair and grabbed his daughter’s blanket she left behind in her chair before he put it over her and you.

“Oh that’s better, it’s chilly this morning.” You insisted as you curled into the warmth of the blanket as you followed him into the house, grateful he held the door open for you. Thankfully he had already made breakfast which you happily started eating with them as the dogs instantly put their heads in your lap, wanting pets, acting like they never got pets or any kind of attention ever. Typical.

“So are you going to teach me how to be an heiress today?” Sakura asked eagerly and Noah nearly choked on his coffee.

“Probably not because I wanted to talk to your dad about that first .” You put to her before you turned to Noah.

“First I wanted to reassure you that whatever she tells me or whatever you tell me, I will keep in strict confidence and won’t be repeated to anyone unless I have your express and freely given consent to do so. Because honestly- the only people I would ever want to be telling anything to would be professionals, mostly very experienced lawyers and I will not do so unless I had your express permission to do it and I will not discuss anything of a private or sensitive nature unless it was in your presence as well. Second, I understand how I’m the outsider and honestly and realistically- you don’t know me from anyone and I completely understand if you’re uncomfortable with this and I’m not offended if you don’t want to involve me in anything sensitive, private or especially financial. If all you are comfortable with me doing is being here and watching her and being a babysitter, that’s fine with me, if you just want me to be a friend, I’ll just be a friend, if you want me to be an advisor, I’ll be an advisor. But only if you want me to be. You need to have your own boundaries for me and I’ll do my best to respect any and all boundaries given as long as those boundaries are clearly and expressly stated so there’s no confusion and no gray areas. I can not read your mind so if I cross a line, or if I have already crossed a line, please tell me as quickly as possible.” You insisted.

“Oh, no you haven’t crossed any lines at all, you’re good.” Noah readily assured you.

“Ok, good, I want us to stay on good terms and clear communication is the best way to achieve that.” You offered which earned a nod of agreement from Noah.

“So moving forward- if you do end up wanting my advice, I can be as specific or as generic as you want me to be. But I will not give unwanted advice and I will not involve myself without your permission and I would want to make sure that my involvement is welcome by especially Neena’s parents and perhaps your own since it’s obvious they all still play an active role in her life because moving forward, if you’re going to continue to rely on them for support, it’s best to have everyone on the same page and even though you are her sole parent and guardian and the responsibility for her rests solely on your shoulders- I know I appreciated having more than my own eyes and mind on a problem- the whole- two heads are better than one principle, but at the same time we don’t want to involve anyone who doesn’t need to be involved because of the other principal of having too many cooks in the kitchen as we need to find a balance between the two.” You suggested.

“I completely agree.” Noah nodded again in agreement with a fond smile.

“Well, speaking from experience, I have had unwanted advice crammed down my throat more times than I can count and I hated it and I’m not going to do that to you guys. And if you do want my advice, please know that I will be honest and transparent about it and the only thing I want to gain from any of it- is the assurance and reassurance that you and Sakura are going to be ok and taken care of and if I can pass on the lessons I learned so that you don’t have to go through what I went through to learn them- I’ll be content.” You explained as Noah’s eyebrows knitted closer together for a moment at your choice of words.

“Do you mind if I ask how you became an heiress?” Noah asked carefully.

“I don’t mind at all, so what happened was I befriended about a dozen older couples when I went to massage school a decade ago and at the time they were all retirement age and they never had any kids, or the ones who did, their kids had passed before they did and they didn’t have any other natural heirs, no kids or grandkids or anything like that and they all practically adopted me because I took care of them the way I would take care of my own grandparents and I just tend to adopt grandparents in general and kids obviously.” You gestured to Sakura who was sitting next to you at the kitchen table.

“Anyway, about two to three years before Andy died, most of them lost their partners and, again, none of them had kids to take care of them so I felt it was my responsibility as their friend to care for them because if I didn’t, no one else would and none of them were bad enough that they needed to go into a nursing home and I did all I could to keep them as independent as possible which is what they needed and what was best for them in those circumstances. So when Andy did die, the remaining ones were there for me to help me cope with his loss and how to protect myself and how to protect my kids and how to use what Andy left me in life insurance policies best and I took their advice and used it and benefited and then when they passed a few months later, and they all passed within the span of a week which was unreal - so it was just all one big funeral for me and I found out that all of them individually- left everything to me and none of them used the same lawyers or anything so there was no way for me or any of them to know that the others were doing the same thing since going into that ordeal I had only known that one of them were going to leave me anything and what they were leaving me was very modest in all respects. But within the span of another week after that in settling their final affiars which is when I found out I became inheriter to 15 different estates , it was really weird and I was investigated because the sheer coincidence of it seemed odd to everyone, most of all- me, and because there wasn’t any other parties coming forward trying to claim anything and because the only role I had in their passing was that I helped relieve pain and suffering and didn’t actually murder anyone, I got to keep it all and for a whole week after the deaths, I literally just kept going from each house and just cleaning out the fridges and freezers because I had already taken all their pets home with me, so now I have a freaking menagerie at home because I love and adore all of the pets and didn’t have the heart to take them to a shelter because most of them were old anyways and they should live out the rest of their lives in comfort and peace like their owners, and it’s obvious that your precious babies have picked up on that.” You explained as you turned your adoring attentions back to his dogs who were soaking up your attentions happily.

“So what about the wolves and vultures?” Sakura asked.

“Oh boy, well, that’s figurative, I’ve had to deal with figurative wolves and vultures in that people have tried to take advantage of me and think that because I was a woman who didn’t have any experience with managing estates and money and property that they could come in and take it from me the way a vulture will try to take a carcass from another or how they’ll prey on an injured animal and wait for it to die or how wolves will surround their target and overpower it, the same thing happened to me and it’s awful.” You answered.

“How?” Sakura asked curiously.

“Well, while the rest of my adopted grandparents were dying and I was inheriting all those estates, the company Andy had worked for- sued the manufacturer of the crystal grower that malfunctioned and killed him at work and because I was- and I quote- “the prettiest of the widows” his company paid me a ridiculous sum of money and other benefits to be the public face of the lawsuit even though there were five widows and widowers involved but it was my face that was crying in a courtroom that sold the story in the news and got the jury to sympathize and his company used my sob story, leaving out the fact that I was also an heiress for all these other estates- for their benefit and won the case in court- but because of my adopted grandparents who had amazing lawyers, who then became my lawyers, they made sure I got the lion’s share of the settlement because it was my face and my life that was put in the public eye for a hot minute and because of my own exposure, suddenly I had dozens of organizations and charities contact me too but because the settlement was so big, my biggest priority was making sure the other widows and widowers got a fair share and that they and their families were also taken care of because they didn’t have good lawyers like I did. So I used what little power and control I had in that situation to benefit them too because corportate greed is second to none.” You revealed.

“Oh good grief.” Noah huffed.

“Yeah, it wasn’t fun. The absolute worst part about it were just the figurative vultures and wolves. All these men came out of the woodwork after the court win because it was in the news- all of them thinking I was this ‘poor, inexperienced, stupid widow’ who practically won the lottery because the settlement was the same size as a small lottery and thought that I had gotten all of the settlement which wasn’t true or thought that I didn’t have any sense or propriety and thought that because I was young and inexperienced, they could take advantage of me which backfired on them spectacularly. Especially since I have clients on the local police force, fire department and other first responders who had been friends of mine before all this went down and who saw me through all of it and the moment any guy crossed that line of getting too close to me or especially my kids, who before any of this happened, I was already an overprotective Mama Bear anyway and through this whole ordeal, I just grew bigger claws and fangs and one hell of a bite and swing,” You gestured, making your hand clawed and swiping at the air which got Noah to grin appreciatively.

“Anyway so if they got too close, they got the boot and a restraining order, I currently have over two dozen restraining orders against creepy vulture slash wolf tipes and I have gotten really good at spotting them from a mile away. I was already good at reading people and getting a sense of them because I’m an empath, it’s what I naturally do best, but now it’s basically a super power.” You chuckled before you continued to eat your breakfast.

“And despite all that, you’re still... just a normal, down to earth mom.” Noah praised which made your smile bloom even brighter.

“I try really hard not to let my past experiences change who I am too much because at the end of the day, what you just said is all I want to be. I used to be an easily trusting, very carefree, easy going and down to earth kind of person and I always reserved my judgement of people until I saw by their words and most importantly their actions- what kind of person they were and reacted accordingly I’ve always done my best to be a kind, generous and hospitable and caring person and I don’t want what has happened to me to change those parts of me that I like the most and that I’ve worked hard to cultivate despite how vicious and cold the rest of the world can be and just because I have suffered, doesn’t mean I should add to anyone else’s suffering and I don’t want greed or the love of money to corrupt me, I want to use it as the tool it is to build up instead of a precious finite resource that should be hoarded whenever encountered. A good person is a good person no matter how much money they have, and there’s a saying in the south about ‘acting too big for your britches’ that my parents and my inlaws are really good at calling me out on and at the time, I didn’t like it but after I thought about it, I realized they were right and I’m still humble enough to accept their council and we all need someone in our lives to bring us to our senses and remind us to keep it real.” You revealed as Noah smiled and nodded his approval to those sentiments.

“Which is why I, for better or worse tried dating again, and why the few dates have been really casual. Two of them had no idea about my past with the inheritances or the court case or anything like that. All they knew about me was that I was a widow, a single mom of two, that I own my own massage business that I run out of my house and that’s it and that’s all they needed to know about me. I had two dates at a trampoline park that I take my kids to a lot and we met, sat in side by side massage chairs and chatted while our kids played. That’s literally all that happened and in talking to them, while they were nice and friendly, I just didn’t connect with them. And because of my past, my walls are already pretty high and thick and most guys just assume it’s because my late husband was abusive, which- he wasn’t, but they just assume I’m more trouble than I’m worth and leave me alone in peace which is all I can ask for from them.” You explained.

“Although. There was a third guy that I’m pretty sure he found out about my financial past mid date because we were out to dinner, everything was going ok, the kids are getting along and him and I are having the ‘expectations’ talk about what we’re looking for a in a partner, what we’re not looking for, what our turn offs are and the more I talk I can see it in his eyes that he’s losing interest because he walked into the date thinking he can just move right on in, instant perfect family, his partner would have “a little hobby side business”,” You waived off dismissively, scrunching your nose as your tone grew sarcastically condescending which got Sakura to giggle and Noah to chuckle. “Which I get a lot, people who undervalue or underestimate it and it’s not my job to prove its validity, I let the work speak for itself, anyway- so he thought all he would have to do is go to work and provide and to hear that- that’s not exactly how things were going to work with me- he’s clearly not interested anymore and he withdraws which is fine because the more he talked, the more I didn’t like him either because if he can’t respect me and my profession, I don’t have to respect him in turn but I have manners so I stay pleasant, especially since kids are present and there’s never a reason to be rude or mean to a child. So he gets up to go to the bathroom, and he’s gone for like 30 minutes, like long enough that I start to worry he just dropped his kids off on me and ran and I’m talking to the kids trying to figure out if I need to be calling their mother to come pick them up or cramming them all into my car or what and then he comes back and it’s instantly a whole new version of him that I’m having dinner with- he comes swaggering back to the table with a bottle of the most expensive wine the Olive Gardens had and the difference in attitude, opinions and outlooks were night and day- like he had schizophrenia and I just had dinner with a different version of him and he’s all smiles and charm and talking about how all the ways he can support me in “my calling” and how ‘all he’s wanted is to be a stay at home dad and how “honorable” staying home and taking care of kids really is and taking extra care in raising and educating kids and taking care of animals is his life’s ambition’ when half an hour ago- he admitted that he never even once changed a poopy diaper and all domestic activities were what he got married for so he didn’t have to do them and that he never let his kids have indoor pets because they shed and make a mess and are more trouble than they're worth and at this point all of his kids are looking at him like he’s grown a second and third head and I put two and two together pretty quick that he got wind of my financials and he absolutely insisted he pay for everyone’s dinner when before we had agreed that we’d be paying separately and for the next week he was calling me at least three times a day trying to get another date which I always ignored his calls so he left the most ridiculous voicemails ‘how our kids really “clicked”,’ and ‘how beautiful I was’ and ‘what an amazing and accomplished woman I was’ and how he ‘needed me in his life’ and how ‘we need to hang out and go do stuff’ and even offered to take me and my family to Cedar Points for a whole weekend getaway and get a suite and so with some courage, I finally called him back and I just had to be very honest with him and tell him under no uncertain terms that none of those things were going to happen and to lose my number because I was not interested and I called him out on his behavior and point blank demanded why he had such a sudden change of heart and demanded to know why he was calling me so much and he tried to play it off but when I didn’t buy it and tried to tell him to go take a hike- he pushed back saying I owed him money for him buying me and my ‘ungrateful brats’ dinner that’s when I involved my friends with law enforcement because he got real nasty real quick and after that I took a break and that was a month and a half ago and I’ve just been doing my best to be patient and wait for the right guy with the right circumstances and the right personality and the right morals and values to come along and just...give me kindness, and sympathy, empathy and understanding and just..love me for me for me, with all my flaws and shortcomings without thinking that my bank account makes up for any of them or who won’t look at my bank account and think he’s expected to match it. Honestly I’m more scared that the right guy will take one look at my bank account and get scared off or think he’s not good enough because he’s humble or he came from a humble background like I did or think that all rich people are bad selfish people because that’s not true.” You confessed and realized that Noah wasn’t really talking but he was giving you the most interesting look. Like he was thinking very deeply about what you were saying before his phone started to ring.

“Oh, sorry, you should get going to work, sorry if I kept you.” You apologized but he waived you off as he listened to who was on the other end of the phone and got up from the table.

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit.” He bid them before he stopped and kissed Sakura goodbye before he, out of habit- kissed the crown of your head as he passed you before he had to pause after the fact and stood up straight as a board as Sakura giggled gleefully as your cheeks were bright kashmir sapphire blue along with your ears as you couldn’t help but giggle yourself because that was the most precious thing he could have done in that moment.

“Uhh, sorry?” He apologized as his own cheeks were a deep midnight along with the tips of his ears.

“Don’t apologize, it’s ok, I take it you used to do that a lot with Neena, old habits die hard, I don’t mind one bit, if anything I’m very flattered and honored, you’re good, we’re good.” You reassured him with a bright happy smile.

“Thanks,” Noah ducked his head sheepishly before he continued on his way and ran his hand down his face.

“Fuck.” He breathed once he got in his truck and started it and drove away.

“Actually Zara, I wasn’t thinking of Neena at all when I kissed you, I just did it because it felt like the most normal, natural thing to do with you looking like an absolute vision sitting at my table at 5 in the morning eating pancakes with my daughter and I- and the way you are with her is all I could have ever wanted and dreamed of and I’ve also been praying to the gods for patience while I wait for the right woman with the right heart condition and the right values and morals to come along and love her and me and you’re exactly what I’ve been praying for and I’m scared shitless because you are so much more than I could have ever dreamed of and you just radiate warmth and love and Sakura already loves you and I’m hopelessly head over heels, over the moon- crazy about you and I haven’t been sleeping well because every time I close my eyes, I see your face and because of that, I’m just constantly horny with you on my mind and I haven’t had sex with a woman since Neena and burying myself to the hilt in you is now my number 1 fantasy since I met you two days ago and I just want to kiss you every time I see you because I’m attracted to you and I can’t do that because you don’t know me even though it feels like I’ve known you for forever and this is crazy and I don’t know how this is going to work at all and I’m ready to just up and sell everything I own and follow you home like a lost puppy but I don’t know if you’ll let me and I’m stuck and the more you talk, the more I find out about you, the more I find to like and love about you and I’m in way over my head and I’m praying to the gods, every day to reveal to me the best path to take with you but I don’t know where to start.” Noah ranted to himself as he drove down to the airfield.

Meanwhile back at Noah’s house.

“Did your dad used to kiss your mama a lot before he left for work?” You asked Sakura.

“Yup, and every time he left for work, she would pray to all the gods for fair winds and for him to have safe flights and return home to us.” She informed you proudly.

“Could we do that? I feel like we should do the same, it’s a tradition we need to keep going.” You proposed as she eagerly got up and took your hand and brought you to the wall in the living room where a few stone symbols- symbolizing the gods they worshiped- hung on the wall-- you also had the same at your own house, a couple of them you recognized but you didn’t know the others. Then she got her prayer rug out from under the couch and got her mom’s old one and got it out and put in down for you to kneel on too which you did, copying her movements.

“We always prayed in Intuck though.” She sighed.

“Well, I don’t know any Intuck- but if you say the words first, I will do my best to repeat them, could you help me learn? Because the best way to learn something is to teach someone else and I know Intuck is a big part of your heritage and we should honor that and use it as much as we can.” You asked her as she nodded eagerly before she carefully and slowly and deliberately said the words as you did your best to repeat them exactly or as closely as you could and kept looking at her to make sure you were saying these words right.

“You did really good! Not one mistake!” She cheered.

“Thank you, I tried really hard. So what did we just pray for? Can you tell me in Anglo?” You asked her hopefully.

“Yup, we prayed for Daddy to have good flights in good weather, we prayed for generous customers, we prayed for his plane to fly well and we prayed for him to come home safe.” She told you even though she purposefully left off the last thing. The last thing she had you pray for was for her daddy to come home with more love than he left with and for him to come home to find more love than he left knowing was there, it was an extra prayer her mom prayed for when her mama and her dad had disagreements that they needed to reconcile over but Sakura knew when she hugged you the first time that your hugs and her mom’s hugs were the same. She could feel how much you loved her already just from that one hug was enough to convince her that you were her mom and that her wait for one was over and with you already showing respect to her mama and her mama’s memory and her mother’s native language and culture told her that you were a respectful person who wouldn’t try to change her and her culture, that you would be embracing it with her and she knew that the gods sent you all the way from the Great Lakes, just to be with her. She didn’t know if she would be moving in with you or if you and your family would be moving in with her, but she was going to love having siblings. She felt like looking at you was the same as looking at a new story book, one she didn’t know the story in it yet, but could tell from the pictures that it would be her new favorite and that it would be a happy story and one with the best ending where everyone lived happily ever after.

“Will I offend you or the gods if I continued to pray my own prayers but in Anglo?” You asked respectfully.

“Nope, the gods listen to all those who genuinely and honestly pray to them, no matter their language.” She insisted.

“I was taught the same. Ok, do you mind if I pray out loud or should I keep my prayers to myself?” You asked her as she got back on her little prayer mat before you sat down cross legged on yours since your lower legs were killing you sitting on them and you always prayed sitting down cross legged.

“Please pray out loud, I want to hear how you pray.” She answered excitedly.

“Come here Honey,” You invited her before she happily got into your lap and sat in it and settled against you as you wrapped your arms around her and placed your palms together but upturned.

“Why do you have your hands turned up?” She asked.

“So that the gods can take all my troubles and anxieties, all my hurt, all my sorrow and pain and give me instead- happiness, peace, serenity, calm and answers to the problems or they can provide the answers themselves and if I’m lost, they can take my hands and lead me to where I need to go and place me where I need to be. So that I can enjoy the day and every moment in the day without my joy and happiness stolen by worry and anxiety or anger. To love and appreciate the people around me and that friends and family who will love me and care for me as much as I love and care for them.” You answered before she did the same, her little hands upturned between your own as you watched as she closed her eyes with a serene smile on her face which brought a bright, appreciative smile to your own before you closed your eyes and took a cleansing breath and addressed not just your own gods but the ones who you had just been introduced to as well.

“Please oh gods of the heavens above, in the earth with me and in the depths of the sea-, hear my prayer. Please help me to help Sakura and her father Noatak with their troubles, no matter the kind. Help me guide them to the best and most successful path. Help me keep in mind what is best for both Sakura and Noatak and help all my words to be used with grace, kindness, gentleness, wisdom and respect. Please let there be no mistaking my words and intentions. Help me ease their pain and discomfort so that they can embrace the present and enjoy their future while not abandoning the past, but to honor it and those in it. Please grant Sakura, Noatak and my family and myself peace and serenity to accept the things we can not change and should not change, but courage to change the things we can and that need to be changed and to face what we need to face with bravery, perseverance and patience and the wisdom to distinguish between what we can not change and what we can. But to walk with our eyes towards all of you, please direct my steps so that I continue to walk the path you’ve set before me and help me guide others on their paths so that we all can have happiness, peace, meaning, purpose and fulfillment and if at all possible, success. Amen.” You prayed.

“Amen.” Sakura mirrored emphatically as you noticed the dogs were laying down around you as you curled your hands around hers and squeezed them as she squeezed back and smiled adoringly up at you.

“That was a really good prayer. I liked it.” Sakura praised.

“Thank you.” You grinned.

“So, your Daddy told me that you guys have horses,” you began.

“We do! We should go feed them breakfast, Daddy forgot to do that before he left!” Sakura realized before you got up and got your jacket on and got Sakura bundled up before she led you to the back where a barn was and horses were sleeping in their stalls but awoke once you opened the barn door as the dogs came trotting into the barn with you before Sakura walked you through what Noah usually did when he cared for them as you happily followed her instructions and even took extra care to brush them, clean out their feet and check them over the way you did with your own horses before you walked them out to the pasture so you could muck out their stalls and tidy things up a bit before your phone rang.

“Well hello, I take it you’re up in the air.” You mused since you could hear the plane running in the background.

“Yeah, I was just calling to check in.” Noah said, feeling like an idiot, you were a mom, he knew he could trust you to take care of his child but he was more anxious to know how you were faring, if Sakura was behaving for you and he was desperate for reassurance that everything was ok because he couldn’t ignore the urge to call.

“We’re doing great. Here, it’s your Daddy,” you offered the phone to Sakura as you continued to muck out the stalls.

“Daddy! Paradise and I prayed for you in Intuck just like Mama and I used to and the way Nana and I still do and Paradise did so good! She got all the words right and she’s having me teach her Intuck because she says the best way for me to learn and remember it is to teach someone else and it’s true! Then she showed me how she prayed and I got to sit in her lap and pray with her and it was just as nice and now we’re taking care of the horses because you forgot to before you left and she says she has horses too and she’s mucking out their stalls and even cleaned out their feet and brushed them even though it was kind of hard because all they wanted to do was hug her the way they used to hug mom and the dogs are being really good too.” Sakura babbled excitedly as she sat on a bale of hay and talked with her Dad on your phone.

Meanwhile Noah was scrunching his face because he knew he had forgotten something this morning.

“Well tell her I said thank you very much for helping me with the horses, I really appreciate it.” He urged her.

“My Daddy says ‘thank you for helping him and he appreciates it’,” Sakura repeated.

“Tell him it’s no problem at all, I’m happy to do it but tell him that the blue roan will need a trim soon.” You answered.

“She said Kabluey needs a trim.” Sakura repeated as you busted out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Sakura asked.

“Kabluey is the name of a variety of blueberries. I grow kablueys at home. I think Kabluey is an amazing name for a blue roan.” You explained.

“Well hopefully I’ll be able to do it when I get home.” Noah answered.

“He said he’ll do it when he gets home.” Sakura said.

“I didn’t realize your Daddy was also a ferrier.” You appraised appreciatively as you imagined what Noah would look like on your farm in a tight pair of jeans bent over trimming your own horses feet, preferably with his shirt off and maybe a shimmering sheen of sweat on him that you could help him shower off.

Focus Zara. Horse stall.

“So can Paradise and I go riding later? Please?” She asked hopefully.

“If he trusts me to take you on a ride, then I’ll happily do so but if he’s not comfortable with that, then don’t beg him and try to push him when he’s not ready.” You insisted as Noah just smiled wide into the phone as any stress he was feeling melted away.

“Sweetie, give the phone to Paradise.” He urged her.

“Yes?” you answered.

“You have my permission to do whatever you want to do. I trust you completely.” Noah insisted.

“You sure?” You questioned.

“Absolutely. You girls have fun today, do whatever you want to do.” Noah urged you and you both heard and felt his genuineness and earnestness in that.

“Ok.” You agreed. “Is there anything in particular you want us to do today? Laundry, dishes? Not burn the house down?” You asked and Noah barked an amused laugh.

“Yeah, just that last one.” Noah.

“Dinner?” You asked hopefully.

“Only if you want to, this is your vacation after all.” Noah tried to dissuade you but his tone was incredibly weak because honestly food from you would be food from the gods at this point.

“Oh I definitely want to.” You firmly resolved. Oh you were going to woo him with food damn it.

“Well honestly there’s some grocery shopping I need to do, there should be a list on the fridge, if you go, keep your receipts and I’ll pay you back for whatever.” Noah revealed.

“Is there a budget you want me to try to keep?” You asked thoughtfully.

“Well that’s the thing, grocery shopping is really expensive up here, it’s gonna be about a hundred dollars.” He warned you.

“Yeah that’s not going to be a problem.” You reassured him. Oh you were going to hook him up.

“Any food allergies I should be aware of? Nuts? Dairy?” You asked.

“Nope. Although if you can find a way to make vegetables slightly more appealing to Sakura I’ll be forever grateful.” Noah hinted.

“Awesome, and between what times should we expect you home? Like between 6-7 or 7-8?” You asked.

“Honestly I don’t know at this point, right now it looks like I’ll be home by 5-5:30 but that could change several times between now and then, but I shouldn’t be home any later than 8.” He mused.

“Ok, do you have any preferences or any foods that you’re not allergic to but you’d rather eat cardboard than eat it? Like mushrooms? Peppers? Broccoli?” You began to list off.

“Ok, I’ll level with you, Sakura isn’t the only one who doesn’t like her vegetables, and I feel like the reason for that is because I’m not particularly good at making them.” He confessed which got you to laugh.

“I appreciate your honesty. None of us are perfect. Are we usually meat and potatoes kind of people?” You gently teased.

“Yup.” Noah nodded.

“Ok, I’ll see what I can do, keep me posted Babe.” You offered before you slapped your hand over your mouth as Sakura cackled with glee. Her prayers were working already! And the sound of Noah laughing told you that he was at least amused.

“Habit?” He asked.

“Yup.” You lied because that was easier than fessing up that you were falling helplessly, hopelessly head over heels for him. You were fucked.

“It’s ok, we’re ok, you’re good.” Noah reassured you.

“Thank you, see you at home later. Fly safe.” You urged him.

“Will do, see you later, bye.” Noah bid you and felt twice as high as he was. You called him a pet name. He didn’t care if it was on accident, that was heavenly. Today was going to be a great day.

Once you were done in the barn you had Sakura come back into the house so you could clean up from breakfast and get a look at that grocery list before there was a scratch at the window and you saw a massive thunder cat at the kitchen window before it meowed at you as it looked expectantly at you.

“Is..this cat yours?” You asked before Sakura eagerly rushed to the back porch where a trio of cats were from having gotten out of the house when Noah and Sakura had initially been in the porch waiting for you this morning. One of them was clearly a thunder cat, the others, were two of the biggest tom cats you’ve ever seen in your life and all three eagerly came into the house and rubbed against Sakura before all three came over to check you out before the thunder cat outright climbed you like a tree.

“Claws,” you whimpered as you braced against the counter before it happily got to your shoulder to look you over and sniff you before it started rubbing it’s face on your face.

“Well hello to you too.” You greeted happily before it outright laid down over your shoulders.

“Comfy there?” You gently teased as you scratched his ears as it started to purr very loudly in your ears before you continued to have Sakura go through the cupboards and showed you and told you what they had food wise as you made your own grocery list as you went through the freezer and fridge to see what he had and what he needed as recipes started popping like fireworks in your head of what you wanted to cook as you made notes of what dishes he had and what you wanted in each dish. You wanted to go all out. Not just the classics and tried and true but take a leap of faith on something else as you suddenly realized- your second trunk. YES.

Whenever you traveled you packed one set in one thing and another set in something else. Just in case either the airline, the cruise ship or whatever lost a piece of luggage, you weren’t screwed. You had packed two sets of spices and other staple ingredients. And both cases made it. In fact, not a piece of luggage had gone missing. You were going to try to sneak it in with the clan’s gift of seeds. Now- you were going give it to Noah and you couldn’t imagine a more deserving recipient or a more appreciative one. Then you went though the rest of the house, hunting to see if he needed laundry supplies or other cleaning supplies and jot those down.

Passing by Noah’s bedroom, you practically stopped in your tracks as your nose led you to turn your head as you sniffed in a deep lungful. His scent was so strong and so alluring there and it made your mouth water. You noticed some laundry and got a basket and gathered it before you picked up a pair of socks by the bed and upon picking up both socks- they squished in your hand and you did your best to stifle your laughter and one sniff confirmed your suspicion. It felt really “fresh”, maybe from last night or early this morning and really big loads in both socks. Your ego hoped that it was thanks to you. And even if it wasn’t, maybe tonight it might be.

Normally such a thought would annoy you or even disgust you. But with Noah? Nope. Quite the opposite. Part of you wanted to turn him on and light his fire so to speak and the thought of running him dry was a brand new fantasy for you and felt more like a mission than anything. You weren’t ashamed to admit it. You wanted him. And in this moment, badly.

You had your work cut out for you.

You did your best to tidy as you went through the house. Not that it was terribly dirty or unkempt. Just a little cluttered here and there, some dusting was in order though. You could tell that he was in the middle of his busy season, you knew that sometimes things got forgotten or not done perhaps as often as they should when you were at your busiest. You were going to help him catch up and you had all day to do it.

You noticed he really only had the bare essentials as far as cleaning supplies and you wondered if that was because that was all he could afford.

Honestly, it was because of his patience and good will that you were able to make as much money as you did the day you met him and at this point, it was extra money you had not anticipated making or having in your budget for this trip and you had the very strong urge to pamper and spoil Noah and Sakura with it. All you needed was Taylor and her van. Besides she seemed keen on the match herself and you were sure she would help you and you were making your to do lists and shopping lists by the time she got there at 9.

“Good morning.” You greeted her cheerfully.

“Good morning,” She greeted you back sleepily.

“So, I need the biggest of favors.” You began and your eager eyes and mischievous smile had her mirroring your expression.

“What do you need and why?” She asked as she sidled up next to you.

“Ok so Noah needs a few things from the store and a little bit of housework here and there and he said I could make him dinner for when he gets home tonight.” You began.

“And?” She prodded as her grin grew into a full blown smile.

“Want to get a breath of fresh air?” You hinted as the kids were playing in the living room with the cats and the dogs before you and her stepped out of the sliding glass door in the back so you could keep an eye on the kids but keep some level privacy.

“Ok, so uh, stop me if I sound completely insane, but I really like Noah and Sakura and I don’t know what it is about them but I’m drawn to both of them. Like holding Sakura is like holding my own daughter and it’s like I’ve known them my whole life and we’re just the best and oldest of friends and I have the overwhelming urge to just...take care of them.” You confessed and Taylor was practically vibrating with joy. This was a great start. Things could grow and flourish from here. She just needed to give you the right encouragement.

“You are not crazy or insane for feeling that way, especially about Noah and Sakura. No one is more worthy or deserving of whatever help you can give them. And I know Noah will appreciate even the smallest or simplest of things you can give or even do for him.” Taylor nodded her agreement.

“Well Noah did tell me that he trusted me completely and that I can do whatever I wanted with Sakura today. So, that being said. I need to go back to your house to get my second trunk. Because that first one had all the spices and seeds in it? I had two just in case one didn’t make it. And I wasn’t sure what to do with the second and coming here and seeing how bare Noah’s kitchen really is…” You began.

“Oh definitely. Up here there’s a belief of The Gods’ Will. Sometimes we’re moved to do or say things that may not make a ton of sense to us in the moment. But end up fulfilling the prayers of others. I know Noah and Sakura have been praying for help for a year and a half. And last year Noah and Sakura were ok because Neena’s death was still fresh in everyone’s minds and everyone helped them out but this year- it’s like most of them forgot all about them and poor Noah is grappling with how to fulfill both roles by himself and he’s just plain overwhelmed and this year he’s picking up every job he can just trying to make ends meet and some of his customers that he used to really depend on are trying to cut corners by hiring newer pilots who are less experienced with smaller planes that are cheaper to run and so far the weather has been really good so the other pilots have been able to do his job better and instead of doing several jobs at once, these places can afford to send out five individual pilots with single loads to a single destination quicker, like truckers and these other pilots can afford to all share an apartment together because they’re all single guys with no dependants and can pool resources while Noah is all by himself and has not just his own mouth to feed but Sakura and his animals in addition to his own aging parents and Neena’s aging parents because Neena’s other siblings haven’t moved back to help out Neena’s parents too but he can’t afford to lower his prices to try to compete or else he would actually lose money instead of make it and some of his customers are becoming difficult to deal with and he’s left between a rock and a hard place and in the meantime Sakura needs to go to school this year and that’s a challenge in itself.” Taylor explained.

“Has Noah tried to move on romantically since he lost Neena?” You asked thoughtfully.

“No. Neena was practically a saint and most women around here feel they can’t measure up to her which isn’t fair to anyone. She wasn’t perfect but she was a really wonderful person. But I know he’s really lonely and he’s been praying for the right woman with the right heart condition who will recognize his situation and treat him and Sakura with love and kindness. And I’m thinking if you instantly feel like helping them upon meeting them even if you don’t know them very well and especially if you have the means and the drive to- that you’re most likely the answer to their prayers.” Taylor revealed.

“And if I just to happen to uh, coincidentally, find Noah incredibly, irresistably attractive and want to woo him by making him a feast and getting his house in perfect running order? And maybe even run him dry or at least raw?” You asked with a wince but a bright bashful smile none the less.

“Yyeeaass!” Taylor practically screamed in a bright cheer before she accidentally spilled some of her coffee. “Oh shit, can’t spill the coffee, it’s precious coffee.” Taylor murmured before she eagerly sipped more of it before she put it down and hugged you and practically jumped up and down on the porch with you.

“Ok, tell me how I can help.” She beamed.

You had her take you and Sakura back to her house where you grabbed not only your other crate but also a few other things and then once unloaded those things into Noah’s house and you took your lists and she drove you to the best big box club store in the area that would have everything you wanted even if it was a two hour drive away. You got two flatbed carts and Sakura, Jamie and Matt all sat one one that Taylor pushed around as Katie happily helped you with yours as you happily started to strategically loaded up what you wanted and needed, not caring in the least what it would cost because you had a budget of a few grand and it made you so happy and gave you so much satisfaction to be doing this for Noah and Sakura and with some sweet talking to the head butcher, he gave you one hell of a deal on a ton of meat as you also got some junk food for the kids to keep them happy and had lunch there at the place, having got two rotisserie chickens and by a miracle, you managed to squeeze it all back into the van as the kids were happily holding their new junk food in exchange to being a little cramped with other stuff packed in around them before they quickly fell asleep and took a nap on the way back as you spent the whole two hours back working out a schedule of what to do when so that right about 6- the house could be clean and a feast would be ready and once back at the house you put the plan into action and with Taylor keeping the kids busy with a movie, she helped you as much as she could as she also wrote down your recipes as you cooked them since you knew them by heart and showed her what you were doing as you did it so she could replicate it and right at 4:30, she took her kids home to make dinner for her own family since she was going to be using the same recipes you were since all the food you would be making was already in motion which left you to portion out the remainder of the meat.

By 5 you got the call that Noah would be another hour away from coming home and you knew it was then to start cooking the steaks and start the risotto since risotto was a very labor intensive process which would take the remainder of your attention as you and Sakura danced in the kitchen to music on your little portable speaker as you taught her how you danced and you were so caught up in dancing and grooving in the kitchen- you didn’t hear Noah come in the door as his nose practically went nuts. He had never smelled food like this before and it smelled better than anything he had ever smelled before. It made his stomach growl loudly which finally alerted you and Sakura to his presence.

“Daddy!” Sakura cheered as she ran over and leaped into his arms.

“Hey Kiddo, how was your day?” He asked her as he picked her up and carried her over to the kitchen.

“It was awesome! We had so much fun!” Sakura fawned.

“Did you go riding?” He asked.

“We didn’t have time, we went shopping and we did something called “being domestic” which was really just chores but she made it into a game, she bought these really cool cloths that pick up all kinds of dust and she had me dust everything I could reach with my stool so that I can help you keep our castle clean.” Sakura beamed as she showed him the dusting cloth.

“Castle?” Noah repeated, with amusement.

“Castle law- every man’s home is his castle.” You supplied as Noah ‘oh’ed’ in understanding.

“And she agrees that our castle is very grand in it’s own way. It may not be as big as others but it’s ours and we need to take care of it so it can protect us.” Sakura beamed.

“I agree.” Noah nodded. “So...how far over budget did we go?” Noah asked with a bit of a nervous laugh.

“I didn’t go over my budget, don’t worry about it, just sit down and eat. That’s all I want from you right now.” You urged as you took out the steaks from the oven and Noah made a whimpering keen when he saw them.

“Oh I’m in trouble, so much trouble.” Noah murmured in awe as he shook his head as he just watched in awed wonder as you seamed to pull a feast out of his kitchen, he didn’t think his kitchen was big enough for half of this. He was not worthy.

“Trouble of what?” You asked curiously.

‘Of falling in hopelessly in love with you’. Noah’s mind was begging his mouth to say.

“I...I’m in over my head. I have no idea how I’m...gonna pay you back for any of this.” Noah admitted.

“Hey, Noah, look at me.” You reached out and framed his face in your hands and you had the overwhelming urge to kiss him but you knew it would probably be inappropriate and he may not appreciate that, yet anyway.

“Do not cheapen my gifts by trying to put a monetary value to them or feel that you have to repay anything. Everything I’ve done and given was given freely and and with immense pride and joy. Do we owe the gods for when they answer our prayers and bless us? Do you think they keep a tally? No. So don’t start a tally with me, I give to you because I know you’ll be appreciative and you’re more than deserving and worthy. Please do me the honor of accepting these gifts with grace and happiness, that’s all that I ask and all that I want.” You insisted before he just lifted his own hands to hold your own face before he kissed your forehead and hugged you which you happily returned as his words of muffled thanks were music to your ears and this big hug from his was all you could fantasize about as his affection was practically making you love drunk and so unbelievably happy as you once again had that overwhelming sensation that you were at home in his arms. A new home, this one filled with so much more love than your last and it wasn’t until the dogs tried to nose their way between you that you finally let go of each other.

“Now let’s eat before it gets cold.” You urged before you handed him the largest plate as you quickly got Sakura her own plate.

“So what do we have?” Noah asked eagerly.

“Ok, so what we have is bacon sauteed brussel sprouts with maple syrup and goat cheese. We have broccolini with cheddar cheese those are my two- “healthy” vegetable dishes. From there we have loaded twice baked potatoes, liquor yams, but all the alcohol should have baked off so it’s safe for Sakura to eat them, she won’t get drunk or anything. Then we have death by cheese mac and cheese, mushroom risotto with extra sauteed mushrooms to go over your steaks and dinner rolls. The only rule I have is you are not allowed to put ketchup on my steaks. I bought steak sauce and brought homemade hot sauce.” You revealed as you pointed everything out and the only thing Noah wanted to devour more than the food was you but he didn’t have the nerve or the courage just yet as he just stood there and stared at the feast as his eyes just got a little watery.

“Could you um, like pinch me because I am not sure if I’m dreaming or halucinating. Because this is bordering on too good to be true.” He teased you.

“It’s very much real, but if you insist on a pinch...” You playfully reached over and pinched his butt as he recoiled only slightly but started laughing as his sleep deprived brain was about to short circuit because he was on the edge of being overstimulated. Like a pet diving into a pool of new toys, wanting to play with all of them at the same time and can’t decide which one to go for first.

“Eat, eat!” You urged him.

“You slaved for the meal, you go first, women and children first right?” He urged you.

“How chivalrous,” you flattered before you got yourself a good portion and sat down at the table before you opened your little jar of hot sauce for your steak.

“Hot sauce?” You offered as you sucked on the tip of your thumb as Noah seemed to fixate on your mouth before he swallowed hard before he tore his eyes away from your mouth to take the jar and found a tiny spot on his already heaping plate for it.

“It’s best on the mac and cheese though, like buffalo chicken dip but without the chicken.” You hinted.

“Prayer Daddy.” Sakura urged him before he could eat before you happily reached out and took Sakura’s hand and offered your hand to Noah who happily took it and held it as he tried not to let the touch completely blank his mind as he noticed your eyes were closed and the most beautiful, serene smile was on your lips as you held his hand and you were even more of a vision now than you were this morning. He closed his eyes and addressed all of his gods. In his prayer he thanked the gods for the pleasure of your presence and prayed that whatever blessings you gave and whatever you spent to make those blessings happen, returned to you a hundred fold and that whatever you did or would ever do would find success and you did your best to wipe away your tears as quickly as you could once he said amen. Andy had never prayed about you like that and it meant the world to you.

Noah tried his best not to moan, or cry. He tried, and he failed.

“So, I have to say, this is the best food I have ever put in my mouth. It’s like...the gods either prepared this food or this food was prepared for them, and I don’t know if I’m worthy as a mortal to eat it.” Noah teasingly praised and you beamed happily.

“Thank you. Welcome to Zara’s greatest hits food wise.” You gestured to the food. “For all the holidays, it’s always my dad, my brother in law Jake and myself who are in charge of the food. My dad is in charge of the smoker, so he smokes all the wings, the salmon, all the ribs and brisket and pulled pork and stuff. Obviously these are my specialties. Although my turkeys usually make my sisters cry. Jake, believe it or not is the king of casseroles and one pan and one dish dinners, like paella and all things seafood. While Anya and Tasha are on drink duty because Anya’s a professional bartender. And when it’s not holidays it’s superbowl, or it’s championships. Any excuse to get together and eat.” You explained.

“So what did your family think of Andy?” Noah asked.

“They got along really well, Andy was really quiet and shy at first and he was incredibly introverted. But he was also a really big guy, not quite as big as you but close and solid and he had resting…” You paused as you tried to think of the appropriate substitute.

“Jerk face?” Noah supplied.

“Yeah, jerk face. He couldn’t help it, that was just his face. But once he warmed up to you- oh man, you had to have a sharp wit to keep up with him and he could just deliver line after line and he could verbally roast anyone. Which at first is very entertaining and fun and my brother and my dad thought it was awesome because Andy was very much just one of the guys. But being married to that, it’s exhausting and hurtful and he had a really hard time turning the sarcasm off and he forgot to filter himself most of the time and when I would inevitably get my feelings hurt his mother would chastise me for being too thin skinned and that if ‘a Kingsley wasn’t making fun of you- they didn’t like you’ and Andy only ever had brothers. No sisters. But because he was so big and so mean looking, I could go anywhere I wanted with him and no one messed with me because they took one look at Mr. Big Scary Giant and thought twice about trying to spit game and Andy was incredibly strong and he only ever got into one fight when he was a kid and he put the guy into the hospital but Andy used that to his advantage he was a very intimidating person and one lip curl or a crack of his neck and knuckles and low growl and it was enough to unnerve anyone. Otherwise he was a great earner and provider financial and materially, he just had to be reminded often to be kind and nice.”

“But the price of all that was you were married to a sarcastic jerk.” Noah realized in disgust as you nodded.

“Yup, which is why I look at his life insurance policy money as money earned for being married to him so long, I know that sounds incredibly horrible and shallow but it’s the truth. Which is why when and if I get married again- how much money they make means very little to me and I don’t care about what they do as long as they like what they do because life is too short to slave away in a job you hate with people you despise. Personality is everything to me now. I got enough financially so that I’m set for the rest of my life. Now I just want to share my life with someone who makes me happy mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and of course the other kind that shouldn’t be talked about in polite company.” You specified with a mischievous grin which made Noah smile wide as he nodded and forced his mouth shut because he was about to volunteer himself, even though he was sleep deprived and exhausted, he felt he could push himself to really love you right. At least give his tongue a good work out. Because if you have the cooking skills of a goddess, by the gods, he was going to worship you like one.

Then you looked over at Sakura who was shoveling food in her mouth.

“Hey, hey, hey, slow down, the food’s not gonna disappear when you close your eyes, if you eat too much too fast you’ll get a stomach ache, do you want to throw everything up?” You asked her which made her pause.

“I’m not taking any of this food home with me, it’s all staying here. I made enough that you should have two dinners and a couple of lunches. And it all keeps in the fridge and microwaves pretty good.” You reassured her before she finally slowed down.

“It’s hard for me not to inhale it all too Baby,” Noah reassured his daughter with an understanding smile.

Once dinner was eaten, Noah happily helped you put the left overs away and got started on washing the bigger pots and pans that wouldn’t fit in the dishwasher and he was never sexier to you. Just to see this fine specimen of a man standing in front of a sink scrubbing pots. You were ready to suck him dry in the kitchen as you tried to stomp that down because he probably wouldn’t appreciate that or would be keen on letting you around his daughter again. He was a sensible, reasonable man and he may not be ready for that yet and he may not be interested romantically in you either and while you knew you were meant to be here to help. You didn’t feel you were meant to come and stay forever. You wanted him to be sure but you didn’t know how moving forward this could possibly work. You didn’t want to do him the injustice of a one night stand. You wanted more with him than just a night or two of casual sex. So in order for you to hopefully enjoy more in the future, you could deal with enjoying less in the moment. You wanted to build more. You still had a week up here, you had a little bit of time.

“So how long will you need to get your own appointments done?” Noah asked.

“Give me a day, I can get them all done tomorrow then I can be all yours the day after, I take it you’ll need more help with the bigger loads?” You guessed as Noah nodded.

“Honestly more of my most difficult customers.” Noah confessed.

“How are they difficult?” You asked thoughtfully as you helped him dry the dishes and put them away.

“Well only because I have a bigger plane and there’s some things that won’t fit in a normal bush plane. Otherwise they’ve used the newer pilots who are less expensive and don’t have the overhead or dependants I do that can do it cheaper than I can. In fact there’s a few of them who all room together on the other side of town. But I can’t lower my own prices any lower because if I do, I’ll lose money instead of making it.” Noah explained. Normally he wouldn’t be comfortable breathing anything this personal or private to anyone. But he felt comfortable confiding in you.

“How old are the other pilots?” You asked.

“Psh, barely adults, they’re like walking disasters, I’ve seen them try to do flips in the air with cargo on board and they don’t show any respect for anything. They think it’s all fun and games.” Noah griped and you felt rage lick up your spine.

“Well it does make business sense to try to undercut what you can and take chances on the less reliable if it saves your bottom line in the moment. But when you do that- you risk the quick easy fix costing you quite a bit in the future. Especially when the new easy fix isn’t reliable and catastrophic failure is always a thing you have to contend with- with anything. When I have new clients as they look at how much my own fees are and the numbers give them pause. My usual go-to is to remind them that they get what they pay for and it’s my experience and my specialities that recommend me. When we go to the hospital, do we want an inexperienced surgeon operating on us? Who’s trying to get their start in their career by slashing prices to get new clients? No. Hell no. We want the older more experienced surgeon with thousands of operations under their belt, who has kept up with their continuing education and has prided themselves on staying on the cutting edge because it’s our lives on the line. That’s why I used your services at first was because you had the most experience and you were the greatest professional that could be recommended and that’s why you’re worth your fees. Because it’s not just your own livelihood on the line, it’s your family’s and it’s your clients livelihoods too. You’re a serious and respectful professional. They aren’t. I think it’s only a matter of time before your clients get burned by using young and stupid. Because honestly, if they fail, it’s no big deal, they don’t have families that will go hungry, you do. Are these other pilot’s- locals, natives or outlanders?” You asked.

“They’re all outlanders,” Noah answered.

“And your clients?” You inquired as you tilted your head.

“Locals and natives.” Noah answered.

“Can you do me a favor?” You asked.

“Anything.” Noah answered.

“Write down the names of your difficult clients for me. Whenever I have issues especially with clients, especially tight fisted, cheapskate ones or ones that have problems out of my control that they’re somehow making me responsible for, I pray for them to come to their senses or simply have sense and reason. And if you could write down the names of the other pilots, I would also like to pray for them too.”

“You’re not going to curse them are you?” Noah teased as he did as you asked of him after he dried off his hands after finishing the dishes.

“No, I pray for my own competitors, because honestly there are some clients that are more trouble to keep than they’re worth and so I send them to my own competitors to deal with and I pray that those clients stay with them instead of coming back to me when they find out that I’m better than they are. Some clients are always about getting as much out of you as they can for as cheap as they can and I put as much distance between me and them as I can so that I will have the free space for the clients who will appreciate my quality and feel that I’m worth the investment. Instead of a “stupid splurge” that others think I am. So maybe these other clients that you’ve lost, you’re better off without them and now you’re free to take on new clients, clients who will appreciate you and not undercut you but build you up and hopefully pay better than the ones you lost ever paid you. Besides, if push comes to shove and your business goes belly up, I mean heaven forbid and knock on wood...” You quickly knocked on the countertops as he did too. “I have all kinds of connections with the air force base that’s half an hour away from me and there’s a local international airport that’s forty minutes away and there’s air fields all over, I’m sure there’s still all kinds of opportunities for you as a pilot anywhere you go, you could even be a private jet pilot if you really wanted to.” You mused as Noah considered those options.

“But that’s neither here nor there and that’s puting like...7, 8, maybe even 9 carriages before our horses so don’t worry about it. Sometimes all we can do is pray and leave things in the god’s hands and trust that it’ll be ok.” You reassured him. “And I have a feeling everything will be just fine.” You added with a serene smile before you just enveloped him in a hug which he happily returned and he could have died happily right there in his kitchen and holding you, he felt the rest of his stress and anxiety completely leave him and if you were a goddess in the kitchen, you were an ethereal deity in his arms. Your touch was grounding yet uplifting all the same and you smelled amazing and he just wanted to lose himself in you.

“Paradise? Could you give me a bath please?” Sakura asked which reluctantly pulled you out of Noah’s arms.

“Sure thing Kiddo.” You agreed as you went to her and took her hand and together you went upstairs to where a large clawfoot tub was as you got her a bath, letting her use one of the bath bombs you had packed. You had again packed two sets of bath bombs and with one set with Taylor’s kids, the other set would be here for Sakura and Sakura picked one of your absolute favorites as you both watched as it dissolved, turning the water a kaleidoscope of colors as you used your special body wash to gently clean her skin as you sat on the floor next to the tub so that you could wash and rinse her hair as well as she played with her toys in the tub and once her hair was done, you got some leave in hair conditioner and detangler for her hair as you lovingly and patiently combed it all out. Sakura had such long and delicate fine white hair, like strands of silk by the time you were done with it and didn’t even notice how Noah was watching from the doorway.

He had taken the moment of peace to finish up his paperwork for the day and just watching you be the mother you were with his daughter was practically bringing him to tears again. It was such a beautiful, heartwarming sight and if he had thought he was head over heels in love with you this morning, he was a goner for sure now. He felt incredibly whole and full after feeling so broken and hollow for so long. Something he thought impossible three days ago. But he was not about to question it. He was just grateful for it.

Once she was cleaned up and the water was turning cold, you drained the tub and wrapped her up in a towel and helped her get ready for bed before she had you read her a story as Noah got a shower himself after rinsing out the tub of the remains of the bath bomb and since Sakura’s room was right across the hall, you got the glorious gift of seeing Noah in nothing but a towel around his waist as he walked from the bathroom to his room and seeing that big strong muscled back dripping with water, oh gods, you nearly fainted and the words out of your mouth trailed off as you realized Noah had one the best deriers you had probably ever seen in your life. He had curves that would put a back road to shame and once his door was shut that pulled you from admiring him back to Sakura’s story book but thankfully once you looked back to see if Sakura had noticed, she was thankfully out like a light.

You closed the book and kneeled next to the bed and prayed to all the gods that she would sleep well and sleep in tomorrow to give Noah a chance to recover and you prayed for guidance in helping her and Noah and for the way to help to become evident to you and for you to recognize the opportunities and to have courage to take them when they presented themselves.

When you were done you got up just to see Noah coming out of his room, dressed in pajamas and while you would love nothing more than to peel them off, the thought of bed and sleep did sound amazing and you were so tired, you had worked a miracle today, in cleaning the house and making a feast fit for a king and cleaning up after it too, although the cleaning up part was easy thanks to Noah’s help.

“Well, today was awesome, thank you for welcoming me into your home, it’s beautiful.” You praised as you leaned against the wall after closing the door behind you and leaning against it.

“It’s small and falling apart.” He admitted as he leaned against the wall across from you. Just taking in the vision of you in his hallway.

“But it has a thousand times the love inside it than there is any mansion. A house is just a house until you put people in it, then it’s a home. And because of who is in this home means this is one of the finest ones I’ve ever been in.” You praised as you bashfully ducked your head as Noah looked like he was about to eat you alive in a very carnal way as he pushed off the wall and took a step forward before your phone rang and it was Taylor.

“Hey, could you come get me? I’m ready to go and I’m so tired, I could fall over, please don’t make me walk back to your house.” You whined sarcastically as you couldn’t help but giggle a little and Noah reluctantly took a step back and knew that the door for him to prove to you just how much love was in his home, let alone himself, the door had closed as quickly as it opened and he missed his opportunity to prove it. All he could do is hope that it would open again the day after tomorrow. Maybe it was for the best, it would give him time to rest up and be fully energized. But he was determined. He was going to make you his one way or another before you left, if it was the last thing he would do and so begrudgingly he watched you leave as once again, the emptiness and hollow feeling crept back into him and he felt like warm light left the house once you did.

Hell he would find a way to build you whatever kind of house you wanted, with his own two hands if he had to.

“Why the fuck did you have me come get you when Noah is looking at you like a damn feast and he’s starving, I thought you wanted to raw him? What the fuck? Your opportunity to do that is behind you.” Taylor chastised you once you got in her minivan.

“It’s not the right time. Noah deserves better than a one night stand or even a two nighter.” You argued.

“Uh by my calculations it could have been a seven nighter if you got started tonight.” Taylor argued.

“And then what? Have the best week of my life and then just...what? Walk away? No. I’m too invested emotionally with Sakura to do anything like that. I feel like if I rush the intimacy with Noah, I’ll lose the prize of having Sakura in the long run and they both deserve more attention and effort and time. And Noah and especially Sakura are a prize worth waiting for, worth fighting for worth doing whatever I can to help them and worth doing right. I don’t want to hit it and quit it.” You explained.

“Look, I get it and that makes sense but I am telling you now, Noah looks like he’s about to hump that beam he’s leaning against and if you gave him half a chance I’m pretty sure he would have rocked the northern lights into your eyes tonight and every night from here on out, I know him, he’s not a hit and quit it person either and he’s as loyal as the summer days are long up here and when he does anything, he goes whole hog and he’s in it till the end, he’s a ride or die kind of guy. You said you were flexible and could go anywhere.” Taylor reminded you.

“...true. But again, I’ve only known him two days, would you drop everything and sell everything you own to move in with a stranger you’ve only known for two days?” You posed to her. “That’s putting a few carts ahead of the horse don’t you think?” You posed back to her.

“Well ok, get to know him a tiny bit more and then bang his lights out and we can figure the rest out later.” Taylor compromised.

“Ok, that’s a little more fair.” You laughed as she drove you back to her house where you promptly crashed.

#Jewel Of The North #Jewel Of The North Part 3 #modern orc love story #ice orcs #jewel orcs #orcs #modern orcs #@monstersandmaw #thank her for inventing this and sharing this with me #She's amazing #orc boyfriend #monster boyfriend #this is about to be a #monster bone

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forasecondtherewedwon · 4 years

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21st Century Friction

Pairing: Peter Parker x Michelle Jones (Spideychelle) Rating: T Word count: 10,817 @spideychelleweek

Spideychelle Week Day 6: Enemies to Lovers

Summary: Peter needs an arts credit to graduate, but he didn't mean to pick the course that even the English majors avoid! Luckily, he has the help of Michelle Jones, the tutor Tony hired for him. Unluckily, she just overheard him insulting her entire academic discipline. They're not breaking off the arrangement―Peter's determined to do well in this stupid English course to keep his average up and Michelle won't let his bad attitude stand in the way of a cheque from Tony Stark.

With one tempestuous meeting down, they only have two semesters and twenty-five books to go.

Peter’s in big trouble―huge―and Mr. Stark did tell him that if he’s ever in trouble he should ask for help, so he calls, looking for help, and gets nobody, so he calls again and gets Happy, who hangs up once Peter makes him understand that, no, this isn’t about somebody trying to kick his Spidey-suit ass but about him trying to pick a new class (Happy’s next to some freaky machine at the time and it makes the cell reception wonky), but who finally listens all the way to the end on the seventeenth time Peter manages to get through to him without having his call dropped, and then Mr. Stark is told about it and though Peter isn’t immediately apprised of the solution to his own problem for some reason, he’s informed that cash has been flashed and that the solution will, inevitably, be attained.

Until then, Peter begins the first week of his third year of college and shows up to the labs and lectures of every class on his schedule, including English 1034: 21st Century Literature from A to Z.

AGUALUSA, José Eduardo ― A General Theory of Oblivion

“A tutor?” Peter hisses into his phone, pacing the tight corridor of the library’s fourth-floor stacks. “How is his solution to get me a tutor? I don’t need a tutor! I’m smart, Happy, remember? What did I want instead? Well, I don’t know! I have to keep all my core classes for my major, but maybe he could’ve made them give me credit for taking something online from another college? I’m not screwing up my schedule for English lit. I don’t even know why I gotta take this! I know how to read, you know? I’m just―”

Oh sure, he heard the other person enter the aisle, but he assumed it was to grab a book, so the noise of annoyance that leaves his mouth when his phone is snatched from his hand and his call ended is absolutely genuine.

“’Sup,” says the person, who’s a woman his age, who’s handing his phone back with a lazy gesture, who’s apparently entirely cool, casual, and unapologetic about unceremoniously hanging up on Happy for him. “You gotta take English lit because it sounds as though your vocabulary needs it and, hi, I’m Michelle. Your tutor.”

She mumbles an indelicate string of words after that as she turns and walks away from him out of the stacks and Peter picks up ‘entitled asshole’ even though he isn’t trying to listen, just follow her and set this thing straight.

“Uh, no, you’re not,” he assures her, alarmed when the place he’s trailing her to turns out to be a table where her stuff is waiting―open notebook, two different coloured pens, a copy of the syllabus for English 1034. No, no, no!

“Well, I can’t guarantee you’ll actually learn anything since you seem to have a combination of a pretty thick skull and an overinflated ego, but I’ll hold up my end of the deal. Let me guess, Business major?”

“Bio,” Peter grits out, grasping the back of the chair intended for him as this Michelle person slides neatly into hers, like the library’s her living room because she lives here. Fine. He’s happy for it to stay that way. He has access to all the books he needs in the sciences library on the other side of campus.

“Well, my condolences to the parts of your brain which, in most people, would produce non-literal comprehension and creative thought. But I’m sure you know the names for those, don’t you, Science Guy? Ok, quit making that face and let’s go over your syllabus.”

She doesn’t look up the entire time she speaks and Peter has never heard a person sound so pretentious in real life.

“Are you kidding me? No. Even if I wanted or needed to be tutored, it wouldn’t be by you. You grabbed my phone out of my hand!”

“Yeah,” Michelle agrees, meeting his eye with something firm in her own, “and you were talking on it in one of the library’s Quiet Zones. I’m not here to give you a lesson on Comparative Ignorance.”

“What makes you think you can just do that?” Peter demands. He feels sort of ridiculous and like he’s simultaneously taking the argument a step too far and a step not-far-enough; he’s not usually like this, but then, other people aren’t usually like that.

“The fact that I was paid in advance.”

She nods towards the chair and Peter doesn’t know why he does it, but he sits, still mad.

“Stark paid you to tutor me,” he states.

“Boy, are you struggling with the concept of exchanging currency for services too? Maybe there’s a basic Econ class you could still get into.”

“Why you?”

“Why you?” Michelle counters. “Why can’t smarty-pants, Stark-patroned Peter Parker just suck it up and get through a single English credit? Seriously, why not, since you seem to think it’s just reading and therefore easy. Why not just bribe the college to hand you the credit? You want me to tell you where the Financial Office is? I could show you because, ok, about me now, I’m here on scholarship because I couldn’t find a benevolent billionaire to smooth my path for me.” She straightens up in her chair, eyes practically volcanic with heat. “And here’s another why me for you: because I love what I study, I think literature has worth and beauty, and, oh right, I have the highest grade point average in the entire School of Arts and Humanities.”

Peter’s so floored for a minute that he forgets why he’s angry.

“It wouldn’t be right,” he finally says, trying to at least regain the moral high ground after her offhand suggestion of bribery. “Buying a credit. It wouldn’t be right.”

“So… instead you demean the entire discipline, like that’s going to help you.”

He scoffs.

“It’d help me more than you would.”

“Helping you is why I’m here.”

“You sound thrilled about it.”

“Hard not to be when I have the honour of tutoring the Spider-Man,” she says, matching his sarcasm.

Ugh, he hates that she brought that up. By his third year, he’s become less of a novelty in the halls―these days, people get more excited about a sighting of the local gopher who lives in a hole near the Astronomy building―and having it thrown in his face like this is even more uncomfortable than requests for selfies. Or the few mortifying pleas for his autograph. They’re locked in a mutually-irritated glare, which Peter breaks with a groan and a roll of his eyes.

“I didn’t want to be in this class,” he admits.

“And yet the online course selection process is so very hard to fuck up. Thus, you did in fact choose this class. Unless… does Tony Stark pick your classes for you?”

Peter ignores that. He can’t both fume and be cooperative enough to get her help, which he’s starting to think he might need. Maybe she can give him some kind of insider English department knowledge that will rid him of English 1034.

“It is an interesting choice,” Michelle continues carefully. Is she smirking at him? He can’t quite tell.

“I didn’t read the description.”

“What did you expect ‘20th Century Literature from A to Z’ to be?”

She’s mocking him, but Peter feels like his mistake in taking this particular class is an easy one to make. He has plenty of reasons to back him up.

“It’s a first-year level English course, it’s non-essay, and ‘A to Z’ made it sound like an overview,” he lists confidently.

“In case you don’t already know or suspect this, nobody who’s actually in the English program takes it.”

Michelle’s tone is extraordinarily smug.

“I thought you guys loved to read,” Peter says accusingly, leaning back and crossing his arms.

“Not a novel every week for two semesters! Dude, you picked a course with twenty-six required texts. ‘A to Z’ is for the alphabetical order of the authors’ last names.”

“I know that now,” he grumbles, eyeing the booklist Michelle has neatly aligned next to the syllabus on their study table. “And now all the other full-year non-essay English classes are full, so I can’t drop this one because there’s nothing to pick up in its place.”

“That’s an insanely stupid mistake.”

“Noted.”

“Ok, if you’re ready to move on, what were your thoughts on Agualusa?”

“You still want to tutor me?”

She looks at him like he’s truly the uncomprehending, unimaginative Bio-dunce she described.

“There are few things I want less than I want this. The only possible enjoyment here is getting to meet one of the unsuspecting idiots who signed up for that class, and even that doesn’t cancel out the way you belittled my area of study and those who study it. So.” Michelle extends a hand and, when Peter realizes what she wants, accepts his panic-purchased copy of A General Theory of Oblivion. “Time to prove you can read.”

BEATTY, Paul ― The Sellout

“I see you found the place,” Michelle greets without looking up from what she’s reading (which is the book for his course).

Peter attempts to glance around without being obvious about it.

“It’s the same table we sat at last time,” he says, mostly certain.

“I know.” She looks up. “I just thought you might get lost in unfamiliar territory. Had you ever been in here before last week?”

He laughs bitterly as he slings his backpack off and lets it slam into the leg of the table, making Michelle frown.

“Yeah, I had.” Once. When he toured the college with May before applying to undergrad. “Don’t be so gatekeeper-y. These books aren’t just for English majors.”

“Oh, so you avail yourself of them often for pleasure reading? Sorry, sorry,” she adds quickly and something inside Peter eases at the hope of an apology, “I forgot I was talking to the guy who signed up for the most reading-heavy class the English department offers. Of course you must love to read.”

“I just want to get my mandatory arts credit to graduate.”

The motive should be obvious, Peter thinks, but maybe she’ll take pity on him because he’s offering an explanation.

“You’ve already successfully postponed it your first two years. Why not push it to next year when you can take a lighter class?”

“There are a lot of required fourth-year courses for my major. I don’t have room for anything that isn’t impor―”

He cuts himself off, but Michelle looks pissed. What? It’s the truth! If he thought English was more important than Biology, he would’ve studied English!

“You’re trying to get me to wait for an easier class and you told me I shouldn’t assume English was easy,” he accuses.

“It’s not! I didn’t say an easier class, I said a lighter one. You know, with fewer books to read. English ten-thirty-four is an easy class.”

“Yeah right!”

“Really, Peter?” He’s startled to hear his name leave her mouth. “Exactly how deep were you expecting the analysis to go when you only spend a week on each book? That’s a Monday and Wednesday course, right? So you’re only actually discussing the book for three hours. A bunch of your assigned texts are over four hundred pages, which means covering around one hundred and thirty-three pages every hour of discussion, or a little over two pages every minute. And that’s just content. If you were actually digging into any of these books, you’d discuss themes, historical context of the subject matter, intertextual influence…”

“You’re pretty good at math,” he says wryly. “I bet you could have majored in that instead.”

“I could’ve majored in anything, but I chose a subject that actually has a soul.”

“It’s cute that you’re so noble about it,” Peter says, feeling like an honest-to-Thor asshole because he’s never disparaged anyone or anything by calling them or it ‘cute’ before, “considering the current arrangement.”

She gives him a harsh look before finally asking, “What do you mean?”

“You’re studying something so intellectual and culturally important or whatever and looking down at people in Business and the sciences. Lots of us love what we’re majoring in and some of us are in it for a career with a good salary. I’m just worried you’re being a bit of a hypocrite. How superior can you feel when you’re peddling your English-major wisdom for a paycheque from Tony Stark?”

Michelle can’t really murder him―his reflexes are too fast, his body too durable, and the most dangerous thing she appears to have at her disposal is a blue ballpoint pen―but she kinda looks like she might give it a try. Ok, so undercutting her integrity in a vengeful rant was probably beneath him. She was being such a snob though!

Finally, her expression relaxes and she uncaps her pen (Peter flinches), poising it over the page where, last week, she composed him a strong set of notes as they attempted a rocky discussion of the book.

“How much did you get read?”

CHOI, Mary H.K. ― Permanent Record

Peter sits and nods at Michelle when she looks up.

“We’re past the add/drop date,” he announces. “Guess I’m officially in English ten-thirty-four for the rest of the year.”

“And when you graduate, it’ll be right there on your transcript, smuggled through in between the important courses. Even if you can’t hack it and fail the class,” she concludes with a small, scornful smile.

“As far as I know, you’re being paid too much to let me fail.”

It feels like a gross powerplay the second he’s said it. If they’re really going to do this, he needs to start taking the meanspirited way that she roots against him in stride. Does he think about finding a different tutor every time she makes a sly comment like that? Sure, but he’s stubborn enough about maintaining a strong average to recognize the value of learning from the best student in the program.

“So…” he says after a minute, watching Michelle flip through his book to find where he’s marked the passages examined in class. “We never really agreed to it out loud, but I guess this is our standing place and time to do this?”

“Yeah, there’s a clipboard where you sign up to reserve a specific table. I put our names down for every Thursday for the rest of the year.”

“Really?”

“No, numbskull,” Michelle informs him lightly. “You can’t reserve a table, only the study rooms. I knew you didn’t know how the library worked.”

“How ‘bout, instead of that, we talk about the demands of fame.”

“Oh? Are you trying to open up to me?” She taps the end of her pen hard and fast against the table as though to emphasize this is something she doesn’t have time for.

“No. I did my assigned reading.”

He reaches out and grabs his book, dragging it back across the table.

DAY, Kate Hope ― If, Then

“I kept waiting for it to get good. Why didn’t it get good?” he asks, spinning the book on their table, then trapping it under his palm.

“Patience, spider-brain,” Michelle instructs. “It is good. It’s suspenseful and subtle and atmospheric and it’s no wonder those things went right over your head. Weren’t you at least interested in Ginny? She’s a surgeon.”

“So?”

“So, you’re in Biology. Don’t you want to be a doctor or something?”

“I don’t know yet,” Peter says with a shrug. Man, is she going to start bugging him about figuring out his career path? He has May for that. “Do you know what you want to be?”

“A tutor,” she responds flatly.

He’d smile if they were friends because she’s apparently hilarious.

“It takes some time to build if the part you’re most interested in is the sci-fi stuff,” Michelle concedes. “Did you read it to the end?”

“I didn’t have time. I had to start the next book early because I have a big lab assignment next week.” He sighs and lets his head fall into his hand just thinking about it.

She frowns and looks down, so he can only assume she disapproves of his priorities or his poor time management or something.

But then she mumbles, “You should try audiobooks.”

“Thanks,” Peter says, because that’s actually a great idea. He can listen on his way to campus in the mornings and he won’t have to carry the book on the days he doesn’t have that class. It’ll mean buying an audio copy of everything he already purchased, but he’ll still use the hard copies most of the time, and it’s not like Mr. Stark’s going to begrudge him another hundred bucks. Plus, almost all of the books for this course are novels, so it won’t even feel like doing homework!

In the midst of excitedly thinking over how much time he’ll have if he takes her advice, he glances at Michelle. She’s ignoring him.

ENDICOTT, Marina ― Good to a Fault

It’s the first week of October and Peter thinks he has the hang of this being-an-English-student thing. He read-slash-listened-to the whole book this week and even though the next two weeks’ novels are a couple of the longest in the entire course, he’s undaunted. When he gets to the library and finds Michelle―the classes they have right before this tutoring session end at the same time, but she always beats him here―he brags about being totally on top of his reading. She’s possibly starting to smile at him when he says, “I’m getting good at this. You want any tips?”

“God, Peter!” she blurts. “This is the third year of my major! Try to have some fucking respect!”

He holds up his hands placatingly. Once his books are out, Peter starts watching her and notices a syllabus at her elbow that isn’t for English 1034. Aggressively highlighted in green is tomorrow’s date and ‘MIDTERM.’ His don’t start for another week. He never consciously realized that Humanities students had midterm stress too. Michelle must be taking more than one English class right now, plus whatever else fills up her schedule. Jeeze, that’s a lot of reading, and she’s reading enough of his books to help him on top of doing her own shit. Peter winces and keeps his mouth shut until she’s ready to begin.

FLYNN, Gillian ― Gone Girl

They’re in the thick of midterms and having a particularly grouchy (on both sides) tutoring session.

“Quit writing a bunch of nothing,” Michelle criticizes, like that’s somehow useful feedback.

“I’m getting to my point!” Peter complains.

“They’re long answer questions, not essays. You won’t get any pity marks for filler like you do in a Bio exam.”

“They don’t give marks for filler in Bio exams!”

“Well then where did you learn to answer questions like this?” she snaps. “Do you want to start this one over or try another one?”

They glare at each other for several sluggish moments.

“I’ll start over,” Peter decides, meeting her challenging look with his own.

“Fine.”

This time, Michelle not only passes him the question she came up with but also rips a piece of paper out of her notebook, tears it into thirds, and hands him one of those as well.

“One-sided,” she instructs.

“Yeah, I get it.”

“Be concise.”

“If you took your own advice, I’d be able to write in silence right now instead of being distracted by the sound of you talking!”

In what seems like a blink as Peter looks up from his paper and tightly-gripped pencil in confusion, Michelle has her bag packed and shoves back from the table.

“Help me study!” he yells after her in desperation.

“Earn it with something more than money,” she calls back, flipping him off over her shoulder.

GO, Justin ― The Steady Running of the Hour

Groveling wouldn’t be well-received, Peter thinks. Instead, he brings Michelle an iced coffee as an apology for being a dick last week when he was freaking out over midterms. They’re experiencing a final flare of summer weather and it seems like a practical offering as well as a symbolic gesture. Unfortunately, the man at the front desk makes Peter toss the coffee before he’s allowed in because of a No Food and Drink policy. He feels really awkward about it and distinctly emptyhanded when he approaches Michelle at their usual table.

When it’s clear that she’s not focused on anything else, Peter spills the story and does end up saying, “I’m sorry” out loud. She likes one of those things enough to smile at him―not a big one, but not a sarcastic one either―and he exhales in relief.

“I really appreciate that you’re doing this,” he adds during a lull when they’re looking over the notes he made in class, trying to decipher his professor’s analysis of a certain passage.

He studies Michelle’s downturned face until she looks up and meets his eye.

“When do you get your midterm results?”

“Not for a couple of weeks. The prof doesn’t seem like he’s in any rush.”

“Are you worried about how you did?” she asks, propping her chin up with her fist. It makes her mouth slope into a playful pout and he follows the line of it with his eye for a second.

“Kinda.”

Michelle shakes her head.

“You shouldn’t be. You’re working hard. I know you passed.”

It’s the first session that they don’t fight. Feels good.

HAM, Rosalie ― The Dressmaker

“Holy shit,” he breathes when Michelle enters. “What is that?”

The day has finally come that he beats her to the library, which is the first shock, but this is an entirely separate and far less expected thing.

“It’s Halloween,” she states. As though it’s no big deal that she just walked in here wearing a silky-looking, floor-length, emerald green gown. Well, he assumes it’s a gown and not a skirt that sits really high on her waist, but he can’t see the entire thing; she’s wearing a cropped hoodie over top. The juxtaposition makes him grin.

“Where did you get that?”

“I made it.” Just as Peter’s mouth is dropping open, she huffs a laugh and says, “Of course I didn’t. It was my grandma’s. The style’s not totally right, but I thought the colour was a pretty good match.”

“Right,” he agrees as she swishes over and sits, cautiously smoothing the dress as she does so. “Because you’re obviously supposed to be…”

Michelle rolls her eyes as she takes the opportunity for illuminating him.

“Cecilia Tallis. From Atonement,” she prompts. “Keira Knightley played her.”

“Oh, ok, yeah. I think I saw part of that one time when my aunt May was watching it.”

“It was a book first,” Michelle teasingly informs him.

“I know you’ll be amazed to hear that I haven’t read it.”

“So amazed.”

“You look good in green,” Peter throws out there while she’s still looking at him.

“Don’t be weird about it, Parker.”

He totally sees her smiling to herself when they turn to their books and wonders if they’re friends yet.

ISRAEL, Lee ― Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Nope, nope, nope, they’re definitely not friends yet! After their revision session last week, Peter thought more about his and Michelle’s potential friendship, then started to feel weird about the fact that he’s paying her―or that Mr. Stark is, on his behalf. It’s been rare lately that both he and Mr. Stark aren’t busy at the same time, but with Peter’s midterms over and a new month beginning, Tony worked out a time for them to speak in person. Peter might have got rambling a little under the heady influence of his mentor’s full attention and maybe some things came across incorrectly. It wasn’t a meeting though, and he definitely didn’t know that decisions were being made!

“I thought you were finding this helpful!” Michelle says.

“I am,” he insists. “I left Mr. Stark a message. I’m gonna set it straight!”

“Oh, like you set it straight over the weekend? He fired me as your tutor!”

“I didn’t know he was doing that!”

“What did you say to him?” she demands.

Fuck, this is going to be embarrassing to say face-to-face. Peter glances at their table―where they didn’t sit down, due to this accidental termination―and feels himself get all overheated and shifty.

“That I felt weird about paying you.”

“Because English is so worthless you should be able to learn about it for free? Yeah, I guess you could’ve made the internet your tutor, but it’s a full two months too late for that!”

“Dammit!” Peter says, frustrated. “No! Because I thought maybe you and I were friends now because it seemed like maybe we were and I’d definitely like us to be friends, but I didn’t want you to feel obligated to be nice to me as a friend or anything more than a tutor just because you’re being paid. Do you want to be friends with me?” he summarizes bluntly.

“Yes.”

He frowns in confusion.

“Really?”

Michelle’s eyes dart to the side, then zip back to his face.

“…Isn’t that what you want? I think that’s literally what you just told me you want.”

“And the money thing?”

“Yeah, you’re definitely going to fix that as soon as we’re done today. My time and expertise are valuable as hell and I’m super willing to take Tony Stark’s money.” She gives him a weird look. “My friendship is not for sale.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to assume―”

“I mean, I don’t know how people make friends over there in Biology, but―”

“Ok, that’s far enough,” he says, laughing when she smirks to admit she was kidding.

“I guess you better start calling me MJ too,” she says, taking her usual seat.

“If I had any extra names you didn’t know, I’d totally let you use one in exchange.”

She shrugs easily and picks up this week’s novel when he places it on the table within her reach.

“Speaking of people using other names…” MJ says as she taps the cover. “Ready to talk about a famous forger?”

“Smooth transition.”

“Thanks… pal?”

“No,” Peter says to ‘pal,’ making a face.

“No,” she agrees. “I’ll just have to remember that we’re friends now without a new name to remind me.”

“You’re officially my meanest friend,” he jokes.

MJ snorts.

“Peter, with all the time we’re spending together this year, I’m gonna be your best friend.”

JOHNSON, Adam ― Fortune Smiles

“Seventy-three!” Peter cries out when he strides into the library that Thursday. Desk Man shoots him a look and Peter mouths, “Sorry.” But if that guy’s annoyance with Peter is on the rise, so is the strength of his friendship with MJ.

“Seventy-three?” she repeats excitedly, then pauses, seemingly waiting for him to say more.

He understands. For her, getting a 73 on an English exam would probably be a blow to her average and something she’d struggle to course correct from on the final. He’d feel the same about receiving that grade in one of the classes that make up his major. But for his first college English exam? A discipline that’s forcing him to learn a completely different type of material and regurgitate that knowledge on an exam that’s neither practical nor multiple choice? It’s huge. He beams to let MJ know he hasn’t come to complain about her ineffective tutoring. Totally the opposite.

“That’s great,” MJ says. She rises from her chair because Peter’s too hyper―even a full day after getting his mark―to sit down yet.

“Yeah?”

“I told you you’d do fine,” she reminds him.

Then she goes to shove his arm and Peter misinterprets it, pulling her in to finish what he thought was the beginning of a hug. Just as he’s realizing and loosening his arms from around her, MJ’s hands come up and squeeze his back once, ending in a few reassuring pats. They break out of it, holding each other at arm’s length and she gives him a firm nod in conclusion. Peter laughs awkwardly. After that, they re-establish their usual rhythm.

“So, the first short story collection on your booklist,” she says as she sits. Rather than taking his regular spot across from her, he drags the chair around the circular table so they’re side by side. MJ watches him without protest.

“These are the first short stories I’ve read,” he tells her.

“What did you think?”

“I like it. It’s nice how it breaks the book into chunks. Makes it seem shorter maybe?”

“Definitely.”

Weirdly, their opinions about the book and what his prof wants him to learn from it continue to closely align. Of course, they don’t get through everything because, after about 15 minutes, MJ asks if he brought his midterm with him. He yanks it free of his backpack and they spend the rest of their time going over it. With a 73, Peter expects a lot of the review to be criticism (of the constructive variety) and notes on what he should’ve done better or different. Instead, it’s MJ gasping (quietly but happily) every time she finds a place where he mentioned something they went over together. He watches her eyes scan over where he described If, Then as ‘suspenseful, subtle, and atmospheric’ before going further into his comparison between that novel and Gone Girl. She catches his eye, her expressions changing like a shuffling card deck. Peter sees impressed come up, then pleased, then a third, unfamiliar thing that’s gone when MJ flips his exam to the next page.

KOCH, Herman ― The Dinner

“How is this book so horrific and so good?” Peter asks wonderingly.

They were going over his class notes until the notes referred to a page number of the novel. When he couldn’t remember what happened there, they looked it up. It was just supposed to be a refresher, but it turned into them reading nine pages―waiting for each other before flipping when their reading speeds raced, constantly slipping out of and regaining first place.

“It’s giving me rage-hunger,” MJ said.

“Rage-hunger?”

“Yeah, you know, when you’re incensed about something to the point that you start getting really hungry? Happens to me at protests.”

“Listen,” Peter says, dropping his voice to a compelling whisper. “I have pretzels.”

“Here?”

He nods.

“Do we risk it?”

“Yes,” she insists.

While she keeps watch, glancing around, Peter grasps the edge of the pretzel bag in his backpack. His expression feels pretty constipated as he struggles to open the bag soundlessly, but it’s worth the effort when he feels it give. Furtively, they sneak pretzels from his bag―balanced between their legs under the table―up to their mouths, attempting to chew as silently as possible and speaking in a soft slur with pretzels distending their cheeks.

LINK, Kelly ― Get in Trouble

Yeah, so, after being caught with mouths full of pretzels, they’re slightly afraid to immediately return to the library. Instead of meeting there on Thursday to go over all of Peter’s notes at once, he and MJ snatch time all week long. It’s another collection of short stories this week, so they go over the first one before he even attends his Monday English 1034 lecture, meaning he’s super prepared to participate for once, after running his thoughts by his tutor in advance. The next time, they do story number two, plus his class notes, then continue meeting when they can.

Peter hesitates before asking if she still wants to get together at their regular hour on Thursday. What if she feels like she’s given him enough of her time this week? What if she made other plans? But when he does ask, she’s surprised that he ever considered them not having their scheduled session. He’s not entirely sure why he was so scared she’d say no. That was silly. Although they both acknowledged that they’re friends, he thinks they’re finally starting to act like it.

So they meet on Thursday. And then they meet on Friday too. They say it’s for tutoring and keep Peter’s copy of Get in Trouble between them on the table of the student community centre, but they don’t open it. MJ trades him a bite of her pizza slice for some of his fries. He laughs hard when she gets ketchup on her lip, then swallows the sound down as she licks it off.

“Did I get it?”

“Um, yeah,” Peter replies, stupefied.

MOYES, Jojo ― Me Before You

“Well,” he says, retyping his notes to add MJ’s insights, “here’s another one where I can count watching a movie as part of studying.” Peter keeps typing for a minute, but she doesn’t respond, so while his eyes remain on the screen he asks, “Are you judging me? I promise I’m still going to read the rest of the book.”

Finished, he looks over to see MJ staring intently at the open novel. Peter concentrates on the book first―she’s right near the end―then on his friend’s face. Is she…?

“Are you crying?” he asks softly, leaning towards her.

He thought she might hide her reaction, but she raises her head and sniffs as tears pour down her cheeks. She’s so naked with emotion that Peter shudders.

“Maybe,” she says, making them both laugh, hers a bubbling noise from the wetness in her throat. “But ignore this. I said I wouldn’t spoil the ending for you.”

“Obviously, nothing dramatic happens,” Peter sarcastically infers. “You cry all the time. I have zero reason to think it has anything to do with Me Before You.”

Smiling, she finally wipes the last of her tears away with the sleeve of her cardigan.

“I still have a little bit left to read.”

“Borrow it,” he says.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I can listen to the audiobook for a while, or you can just keep it overnight and we’ll hang out tomorrow and I’ll get it back from you. Unless you think you’d need longer.”

MJ rolls her eyes at him.

“Please. I eat Jojo Moyeses for breakfast. I’ll probably finish it during the break in my next class.”

“So, you wouldn’t even need it overnight then,” he says, trying to be sly. She lets out a laugh.

“You want to read it so badly, don’t you?”

“Maybe I just don’t like lending out my books.”

“Liar. I bet you’re going to read the rest all in one sitting.” MJ smirks and stands the book on the table like both she and it are taunting him. “Don’t you need to prioritize your other courses, Peter? What about Biology?”

“Offer revoked,” he tells her, making to take the book back. She doesn’t let him, holding it up and away from him.

“Are you going to spend all night reading for pleasure instead of doing your science homework? Shame on you, Peter. What about your future?”

He stands too quickly in his attempt to grab the book, startling MJ, who rocks back in her chair a little too far. But it can’t tip faster than his reflexes can react; Peter instinctively grabs her around the waist and pulls her against him as the chair topples and the paperback hits the ground with a soft thump. They haven’t been this close since they hugged after his midterm results. He opens and closes his mouth without saying anything, fingers shifting against MJ’s back as she gets her balance. Seems to take her longer than it should, but he won’t let go before she’s ready. Which’ll be any second now, he’s sure. She’s flushed, eyes roaming his face. Probably about to tell him she can stand all on her fucking own.

Any second now.

NG, Celeste ― Everything I Never Told You

It’s the second week in December and their final tutoring session of the semester. Exams start tomorrow, though the one for English 1034 isn’t until the 21st. Peter should be psyched―after this exam, he’s halfway done the course―and yet his shoulders carry some heaviness into the library, along with big, wet snowflakes. He perks up at the sight of MJ, then grows subdued just as fast. They’ve become the kind of friends who meet during the week, always at school, usually with at least the pretense of studying. She’s never been to the apartment he shares with three roommates; he has no idea where she lives. Their most secure connection is a list of 26 books and after today’s session, 14 of those will already be behind them. Theoretically, they’re committed to spending another semester together (unless the world ends via hostile alien takeover, or Mr. Stark fires MJ again and she agrees to it for some reason). What happens after that?

Peter doesn’t like the way winter break looks like a preview for the end of the school year in April. He’s sure that’ll come up quick after the new year because second semester always feels shorter than first. Will they be close enough by then to make plans for hanging out over the summer? He knows MJ’s from here, but not if she’ll be around. And what about next year? He won’t be studying English. Are they gonna see each other on campus or both be too busy with their final year of undergrad―keeping up grades and searching for their first job opportunities right out of college? And then? Will one or both of them move away for work or grad school, or just to find a cheaper place to live while they’re starting out? Seriously, they could be faint memories to each other in under five years.

He's weighed down with all of this as he flops into his seat at their table.

“Do you think you’re ready?” MJ asks just before she glances up.

“What?” Peter replies, devastated.

“For your exam.” She meets his eye and her expression collapses inward a little as she assesses his mood. “What’s wrong?”

He looks at her face. It’s easy to admit to himself that her eyes are more trusting than they used to be when they stared back into his, and he has to allow that she’s more trusting too. Same with him. They’ve smoothed each other out, rounded off each other’s bluntest angles. Peter has no desire for them to ever have another shouting match like they did during the early weeks of this arrangement. In fact, his ideal dynamic for them would be the complete opposite.

“I guess I’m… worried.”

“We should get together next week.”

“That would be great,” he tells her with eager relief.

Wow, what would they do? Grab lunch? Dinner? Hot chocolates and ice skating at Rockefeller Center? A movie at his place? All of his roommates have early or no exams (lucky bastards) and plans to head home for the holidays right after, leaving him alone in the apartment.

“This is a late exam,” MJ says, doublechecking the date in her planner, which includes all of his deadlines (in red ink) alongside hers (in blue), “but the library’s open practically every day but Christmas.”

Oh. She means get together here. Of course. He didn’t really make it clear that the exam isn’t what he’s worried about, or at least it’s not the main thing.

“Well,” Peter says, “consistency.”

“What’s up with you?” she asks, narrowing her eyes are him, apparently not satisfied since he does still sound kinda bereft.

Retrieving his novel and his laptop, he says, “Nothing,” and thinks, I was just wishing we were more than friends.

OZEKI, Ruth ― A Tale for the Time Being

They hang out once before his exam, when MJ helps Peter with prep, and once after, when he’s getting a jump on his reading for semester two. The second time, totally by accident, she meets May.

MJ’s at his apartment for the first time and the two out of three of his roommates who’ve already returned are being loud enough that Peter can’t forget their existence the way he wants to (just for right now) and ignore everything in the world that isn’t his tutor/friend/person he’s been pining for every spare second since they’ve been apart. Two weeks is too long. They’re finally taking an honest crack at the novel he’s been assigned for next week, the first week back at school, when there’s a knock at the door, followed by cheerful hollering from his roommates. Peter knows who it is even before he rises and sheepishly lets his aunt hand him everything he forgot at home when he packed; his roommates love May.

Though he told MJ she didn’t have to get up, she’s suddenly next to him at the door―he’s startled to feel her briefly lean against him―then being pulled into a hug by his aunt. When she leaves for a minute to go to the washroom, May drags Peter away from his roommates.

“Who was that?” she wonders, face lighting up with curiosity and premature excitement.

He feels himself turn red and itches at his cheek like he can scratch the flush out.

“Just a friend.”

His aunt raises her eyebrows doubtfully.

PALAHNIUK, Chuck ― Choke

After spending last Thursday giving A Tale for the Time Being the attention they should’ve the week before, they’re back on schedule with a new book. Sort of back on schedule. They start off discussing the novel, but when Peter runs one of his prof’s assertions about it past Google, he finds out Choke has a movie version. He and MJ glance at each other. Yeah, why not? It’s only their second week back on campus and they don’t have their full studying stamina back yet. They trek down to the film library in the basement to see if they have a copy.

Soon, they’re wearing bulky borrowed headphones, hunkered down at the corner computer in the viewing lab that’s kept in the dark, watching a film about a sex addict. They’re awkward at first, or maybe it’s just Peter, but eventually he relaxes, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. MJ shifts around next to him. She kicks her shoes off and brings her feet up off the floor. They’re tightly side by side to watch the same computer screen, so when she crosses her legs, her knee lands on his thigh. Peter stares at it for a minute in the screen’s glow, missing the movie. He lays his palm on top of the rough, cool denim, and MJ turns her head to see what’s up. Immediately, he moves to withdraw his hand from her knee, but she pats the back of it, giving him permission.

Heart thumping, Peter eases the headphones off one ear. The room’s completely quiet, apart from the way MJ exhales heavily through her nose as she settles into position for the rest of the film. He swallows. He should tell her, right now.

“Hey, MJ…” he starts.

But she doesn’t look, doesn’t turn. Can’t hear anything outside those fucking headphones. Weirdly, she does glance at him a few minutes later, unprompted. She reaches out and pauses the movie. He lifts his headphones off when she does, eyes drawn to how they mess up her hair.

“Did you say something?” MJ asks.

Now, now, now, Peter tells himself.

“Uh, no.” He gives her a tight smile and unpauses Choke.

QUICK, Matthew ― The Good Luck of Right Now

“You have other friends, right?” Peter wonders aloud as MJ reads over the short responses he’s composed for an online participation thing that his prof made worth a truly stupid 4% of his grade.

“A couple.”

She says it straight, unembarrassed. He understands her well enough to know she has no interest in tricking people into believing she’s more social or at all inclined towards networking. Those people, whoever they are, were lucky to have her let them in. Abruptly, Peter realizes he’s probably being counted among them. He grins to himself.

“Plus, like, class friends.”

“Sure,” he agrees.

He does the same thing―always attempts to figure out who seems nice so he can try to be paired with them for group projects or have someone to sit with if they have another class together in the future.

“Any other kind of friends?” Peter asks tentatively. MJ quits reading his laptop screen and side-eyes him. “Like a… like maybe a boyfriend?”

It’s probably a no. It has to be a no. Even with the length of time it took for them to talk about their personal lives, she would’ve mentioned a boyfriend by now. Wouldn’t she?

“I… a boyfriend? No, I… Why would I have…? Do you?”

Well, this is a surprise. He expected her to either answer straightforwardly or question if he ever listens to what she says. But she’s oddly flustered and inarticulate. And blushing, Peter notices, though she won’t let him hold her gaze.

“No,” he says, settling for the single syllable that’ll do the job.

MJ sort of nods, then directs his attention to the screen.

“Just a question, but has anyone ever taught you how to use basic punctuation? Jesus, Parker.”

As much as that comment’s much more in character, every one of his senses screams, ‘MISDIRECTION!’

ROWELL, Rainbow ― Fangirl

“Say nothing,” MJ instructs when they run into each other in front of the library, coming from opposite directions.

About what? Peter wants to ask, but he doesn’t say even that much because the look on her face is intense and because the wind is icy, slicing their faces with snow that’s more like sharp daggers. He bounds up the stairs next to her and straight inside when she jerks the door open with her mittened hand. All the way upstairs and to their table, he keeps wary eyes on her. He only looks away for a minute to set his backpack down and shrug out of his outer layers; the library’s kept almost stiflingly warm and dry. They pile their wet outerwear on one of the extra chairs, then MJ glares at him before he can sit. He stares back, baffled.

“Nothing,” she reminds him, and unzips her hoodie.

Does he look silly with the way his jaw drops? He can’t even care. She’s wearing a Spider-Man t-shirt.

“I―”

“No words. No sounds of any kind.”

So Peter grins in silence and retrieves the usual studying accessories from his backpack. Eventually, MJ groans out her admission.

“I forgot to do laundry.”

He continues to say nothing about the shirt, even when he is permitted to speak so they can discuss his reading. What he wants to say isn’t something she’d like―that he’s deduced from the laundry comment that this is an old shirt, not a recent buy. Meaning she’s had it since who knows how long before she ever met him. Meaning she’s a fan.

SENNA, Danzy ― New People

“How are you liking the course?” MJ asks him out of the blue. She’s tracing the curving shapes and purple letters on the cover of this week’s book with her fingertip.

Peter laughs.

“My prof’s never even asked us that.”

“That’s because profs don’t want honest answers. Only in essays, and even then, you have to pad them with all the shit the prof said in class in order to stroke their ego into giving you a good mark.”

“Cynical.”

She smiles dryly.

“Thank you. But really, how are you finding it?” She looks nervous about how he might answer.

“A lot of work,” he says honestly, “but it also feels like less work than my other courses.”

“Because it’s a fluff discipline compared to Biology?”

“Stop it, no, because you’re helping me. It feels like something I’m doing for fun.”

“Who are you?” MJ shakes her head, wearing a smug smile. “If the you from September could see you now. Oh, actually, that reminds me. Put your number in.”

She hands him the new phone she mentioned she’d be getting last weekend.

“What did you have me saved as in your old one?” he asks, adding his number to a new contact page. MJ takes the phone back before he can input his name.

“Oh, you don’t want to know.” He’s fairly certain she’s joking.

“Did it contain the word ‘dickhead’?”

She shrugs and slouches in her chair, phone held low and close. She finishes entering his information out of his line of sight.

“You’ll never know.”

Maybe not, Peter thinks, when MJ gets up a while later to refill her water bottle, but he can at least check what she has him under now. She left her phone out on the table, screen up, so he texts her an innocuous ‘testing, testing’ and watches for the new message to pop up.

Evidently, he’s in her phone as his normal name. His name, plus a heart. His real one’s suddenly beating very fast.

THIEN, Madeleine ― Do Not Say We Have Nothing

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and their college’s week-long study week, two compelling reasons for Peter to tell Michelle Jones―tutor, friend, precariously deepening crush―how he feels about her.

Before their tutoring session, he psyches himself up in the bathroom mirror, until other people walk in and he has to pretend to be coughing. He doesn’t really feel ready and their time together ends up being sort of a flurry anyway because part of the library’s being painted and there are fewer tables. With a ton of people on the cusp of more exams and big assignments due before the break, it takes Peter and MJ a while to find a table. Even after that, the paint smell gradually fills the air, forcing them to stop early.

God, and he didn’t say anything!

“We should meet up later,” he asserts firmly, at the same moment MJ says, “Try again tonight?”

“Yeah,” they say together.

Peter grins and she smiles back before quickly ducking her head. He bites his lip, restraining himself from catching her chin with his fingers and tilting it up.

“Ok then,” he says. “Ok. The library’ll probably still stink, so… my apartment?”

“Or my place,” MJ offers, slightly wide-eyed.

“Oh, yeah. That would be, that’d be good.”

“You can walk back with me, if you don’t mind waiting for my class.”

He doesn’t, and they do that, and as MJ’s unlocking the door to her apartment, he finds out two things: that she has a roommate and that her roommate’s staying the night at her boyfriend’s. Whatever, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be romantic or anything. They’re discussing art and politics during China’s calamitous Cultural Revolution. There’s no way MJ would even be thinking about… but then she leads him to the couch instead of the kitchen table. And she sits down next to him, letting their thighs touch. And his breathing just isn’t steady for the hangout that goes two hours before they even think to check the time. So many times, he has the feeling they’re one brush of their legs, one bump of their shoulders, one tuck of her hair with his fingers away from something more, but every chance seems to come and go while the tension stays.

Eventually, Peter gathers his stuff and lingers with her in the open doorway of her apartment. She’s leaning into the frame, smiling at him as he says a bunch of nothing, just to make the night last longer. He takes a breath. Ok, he’s gonna do it. He’ll tell her.

The next second, MJ’s pressing her mouth to his. Then, while he’s still dazed from the kiss, she pushes him out the door and says, “Um, see you after study week, Peter.”

URQUHART, Jane ― The Night Stages

What’s this mean? Peter wants to ask her, right after the kiss and for the whole study break. Except he’s in the city, doing Spidey-patrol and finishing the nearly-500 pages of Do Not Say We Have Nothing, and she’s in New Orleans, building affordable housing with a charity. When he texts her because he can’t resist asking how she is and what she’s working on that day, she always gets back to him, but there’s nothing flirtatious in her words, nothing to assure him she shares his preoccupation over the kiss. So startling, so make-the-hair-stand-up-on-the-back-of-his-neck. And it was supposed to make everything clear, when one of them made a move (in his head over the weeks before it happened, it was him), not confuse the hell out of him.

It's awkward when they meet on campus on Monday. Neither of them goes in for a hug and they carry on a stilted conversation about how each of their breaks went, Peter twisting his fingers around in his sleeves. At least they didn’t postpone this until Thursday. He senses that they’re both thankful for the length of this week’s novel and how many times it guarantees they’ll meet (their productivity per session definitely took a nosedive when they became friends). He assumes the relief comes from wanting to push past this awkward stage by getting used to each other again. Then, when they meet in the library the next day, MJ picks a different table. Actually, a completely different floor. It’s basically dead, no other students or staff in sight, and, with his face flushed with desire and anticipation, she braces a hand on his thigh, leans in, and kisses him for the second time.

On Wednesday, it’s the same spot (but later because Peter has an evening lab) and he initiates, hand on the back of her neck as they kiss slow and deep, never even unpacking their bags.

Thursday, they meet at their old table, like normal, and do some actual work. But that night, he walks MJ home and tries to give her a goodbye kiss that turns into them making out with her pressed up against the closed door of her apartment.

They agree, on Friday morning, that Peter really needs to devote some concentration to this novel, so they study at his place that evening. Because all of his roommates are home, they’re camped out in his room, on his bed, but with his door wide open. The most they attempt is holding hands, anxiously separating when one of his buddies pokes a head in to ask if Peter’s seen his phone charger.

By Saturday, at her apartment, they abandon pretenses, though they haven’t exactly said in words what it is they’re doing without those pretenses. Are they friends who kiss? Are they dating? Is MJ his girlfriend? None of that is as pressing as pulling her onto his lap and kissing her until they’re tired and she checks her phone to see that it’s almost two in the morning. Reluctantly, MJ climbs off his lap and Peter watches her disappear into her bedroom. He strips off his jeans and falls asleep on her couch wrapped in a blanket and his school hoodie.

The next morning, they look over his notes because he’s here and they might as well. Their socked feet overlap beneath her kitchen table. She refills his glass of orange juice before he notices it’s almost empty.

VÁSQUEZ, Juan Gabriel ― The Sound of Things Falling

He’s in love with her. It’s the beginning of March, the air has quit biting, MJ’s blushing when he uses his high school Spanish to correctly pronounce the characters’ names, and he’s in love with her.

WALKER, Karen Thompson ― The Dreamers

Peter falls asleep at her place again. This time, MJ’s tucked into him when he wakes up. Gradually, he drags up a fuzzy memory of her padding into the living room during the night, putting him on alert until she nudged him over to make room on the couch. Her roommate’s home. They don’t care, don’t flinch apart when she walks into the room. He hangs around most of Saturday, only leaving because he really needs to do some work on his other courses. MJ kisses him when he goes, gently stroking his earlobe with her thumb.

X ― N/A

“No X?” she checks. “Are you sure?”

“It’s on the syllabus,” Peter points out, pulling MJ’s feet across his thighs as he eats an apple. They found an alternate study spot that allows food.

“Yeah, I know, I have the copy from the beginning of the year, but I figured your prof would update it to add something.”

“I think he told us one time that he was going to,” he says, trying to remember exactly. “Now, he says he was always planning on leaving this week free for us to ask questions in class before the exam.”

“But there are still two full weeks of classes before exams,” MJ says skeptically. “If this break was intentional, he’d do it the last week of classes instead.”

“I don’t know. I mean, I know there are two weeks left, but I don’t know what else to say. No X.”

“Semi-related,” she prefaces, giving him a serious look that makes Peter pay attention, “is it ok with you if I consider you my boyfriend?”

He laughs until he realizes she looks genuinely unsure of what his answer will be.

“Please.”

Peter holds his apple out of the way when MJ wiggles forward to hug him.

YAZDANIAN, Showey ― Loopholes

“You wanna go somewhere with me?” MJ asks.

Peter knows she’s been watching him rearrange the digital copy of his notes―simplifying and streamlining so they’ll be easy to study from between now and the date of his final exam. It’s very comforting, her undemanding gaze, and he feels himself emotionally stretching into it, like a cat. He loves to be near her. His girlfriend.

“Yes,” he says. “I mean, where?”

She laughs gently at him and props her elbow on the table, right next to his.

“The English Department scheduled a year-end trip to see a play.”

“That sounds very… high schoolish,” he decides, grinning.

“Hey, some of us aren’t too up our own asses to understand the thrill of a field trip. Maybe in Biology―”

“Ugh,” Peter groans jokingly at her relentless, unserious digs at his chosen discipline.

“―you’ve lost your sense of childlike wonder.”

“But I might be able to get it back if I go to this play? What’s the play?”

“Romeo and Juliet,” she mumbles.

“You want to see that? It’s depressing and, and overdramatic,” he states, though he’s never seen it performed, and definitely never read the play.

“I don’t really care about seeing the play,” MJ says as she gives him a meaningful look.

“Oh. Aw.” He smiles at the thought that she just wants to spend time with him. “Do I have to sign up or something?”

“I… might have already signed you up.” Peter raises his eyebrows at her and it’s enough to push her to continue. “It’s supposed to be an internal thing, just English majors, but the turnout for anything with any significant cultural value’s always really low―” MJ rolls her eyes. “―especially right at the end of the year, when people are starting to focus on exams, even though it’s a great opportunity to see a high-quality production with cheap student-group-discount tickets. Anyway, I talked to the prof because he knows me from teaching me last year and asked if you could come because you are taking an English class even if you’re not majoring.”

“He agreed?”

She nods.

“As I suspected, there were a bunch of tickets left over because they always reserve too many. They’re great seats.”

“Why are you trying to convince me to come?” Peter teases. “Apparently, I already signed up.”

Despite the dozens of times they’ve met this year, comprising probably a hundred hours, and the affectionate admissions, and the kissing that’s been driving him insane for more, this is their first date date. He’s excited to be at the theatre because he’s never gone before, and he purposely didn’t tell Mr. Stark about this so he wouldn’t try to pay for it; Peter bought his own ticket. They’re deep into the second part of the play, intermission behind them, and before things can get gruesome on stage with the stars meeting their violent ends, he leans in so close to MJ that his nose brushes her ear.

“You’re my best friend,” he whispers.

She turns her head, smile clamped together by the way she’s biting her bottom lip. There’s joy in her eyes that makes his heart drop and flip and soar back up, too high, into his throat. He’s still looking at her when she turns her face back to the performance.

“Also, I love you,” Peter says, almost choking on his heart.

Swiftly, he kisses her cheek and settles back into his seat, but MJ tugs the hand that’s been entwined with hers since they sat down. She leans across the armrest between their seats and he’s happy to move the rest of the way. Something hot courses through him when she not only kisses him more roughly than he anticipated but grabs the tie he wore with his button-up, blazer, and good jeans. When she releases him with a smirk and a pat on his chest, Peter practically collapses back into place, stunned.

“Oh,” MJ adds, glancing at him again in a quick flick, “I love you too.”

ZOBOI, Ibi ― Pride

There are three stacks of books on the surprisingly nice hardwood floor of MJ’s bedroom. It’s small compared to the size of his sense of accomplishment for seeing this demanding course through to the end. Although this is the first time Peter’s assembled all 25 books at once, they aren’t organized alphabetically; there’s a pile each for books he remembers well, those he wants to reread sections of, and ones where, logically, he knows he read them, and yet he can barely recall the plot. He feels pretty goddamn good about the fact that, out of 25, only 2 made the third pile. Actually, one’s unaccounted for, because it’s the last book on his syllabus and it’s currently dangling from his hand while he takes a break from reading it.

“Hey,” he hisses at MJ.

Lying on her back on her soft, thick rug while she studies for one of her exams, his girlfriend angles her head to look at Peter, hanging over the side of her bed.

“What?”

He grins.

“Nothing. Just wanted to say, ‘hey.’” He’s so used to her rolling her eyes. “How’s the floor?”

“Not bad.”

“You wanna come up here?”

MJ eyes him suspiciously.

“I need to study,” she reminds him. “Everything I know about your books got mixed up with everything I’m supposed to know about my books and I’m still mentally untangling.”

Peter keeps staring down at her, trying to make his eyes wide and pleading. It takes her seconds to give in. She groans as she starts to sit up, appearing to lead with her knees and elbows as she rearranges her limbs, collapsing and unfolding like a portable lawn chair. MJ steps gingerly over his book stacks, then he’s grabbing her waist and pulling her to the bed, where she flops down beside him. Her head’s facing the wrong way though, so Peter shuffles around, getting her socks out of his face. They take turns sighing tiredly―the extreme burdens of another year of lectures over and another round of exams about to begin―then Peter tilts his forehead to touch hers.

“Happy you’re almost at the end?” MJ asks softly.

“Yeah, but I also kinda wish I could take another English class next year. I think I actually did better in Bio this year because I got to take a break from it with something that was totally different. Does that sound possible?”

“Mhmm.”

She lets her eyes close―probably resting them after concentrating for so long.

“I’ll miss reading this much.”

“And?”

With her eyes shut, only her eyebrows prompt him to go on.

“And I’ll miss talking about what I read with you,” he says.

“Maybe you don’t need to worry about that,” she suggests.

“Why not?”

MJ smiles.

“Because I’ve been working on a new list of books I think you’ll like since October. We can meet in the library and talk about them.”

“Every week?” Peter checks. “What about Biology?”

“If you have time,” she clarifies.

“No, I mean I’ve spent a year studying English lit, learning about your discipline.” With a grin, he trails his fingers down MJ’s throat, stopping at the neck of her long-sleeved shirt. “So, I was just wondering, if you’d be interested in studying Biology.”

He kisses her neck where he stroked, then up beneath her jaw, making MJ laugh until she gasps instead, gripping his hair.

“I don’t think we should wait for September.”

“Well, you’re still the tutor for another week,” Peter reminds her. “I’ll follow your lead.”

#my writing #spideychelleweek2k20 #spideychelle #spideychelle fic #spideychelle fanfiction #peter parker #peter x mj #peter x michelle #peter parker x michelle jones #michelle jones

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elichorph · 3 years

Text

OH SHIT???? did you see avery jeong buying princess bandaids at the local cvs after punching out somebody’s car window??? anyways, he’s a legacy and a member of the yale's elite, they're twenty-three and a 1st year grad student majoring in mechanical engineering. they are as strong willed as they are naive.

hello, i am back with my third character. yes this is my second character that has a 5 letter name that starts with an a. yes this intro is extremely long. if you read it i will send you a gif of your fav celeb to thank you.

stats:

full name: avery tobias jeong nicknames: ave age: twenty three birthday: march 8, 1998 ( yeah he’s technically 22 right now but he’ll be 23 soon enough ) chart: pisces sun, aries moon, cancer rising siblings: one ( lilia, younger sister ) gender: cis male pronouns: he / him sexuality: bisexual & biromantic height: 6′0 hair color: black tattoos: random tattoos on his arms, faded hand tattoos (specifically an angel on his left hand) piercings: right earlobe ring

blackmail:

( violence & drugs tw )

he had an unplanned child at nineteen with his ex-girlfriend who he now has little to no contact with. his ex dug up a public intoxication charge that avery’s family had paid to cover up in order to place a restraining order on him and deny him custody of the child.

he was involved in an underground fighting ring for multiple years as a means to make money after being cut off by his family. however, he always took fights too far and was banned from the ring in new haven after he nearly killed one of his opponents.

family:

if you’ve already read lilia’s intro then you can skip this because it’s the same thing!

ya’ll ever read one of those drug ring ao3 fanfics where y/n is dating the sexy drug cartel leader? well that’s their family!

generational family blood money because that’s how cartels work i think. started running + dealing three generations back with their great-grandparents in order for them to make a living. it wasn’t until the so-called business was handed down to their grandparents that they wanted to expand and generate more money. the big pharma cover was created in order for them to manufacture, distribute, and supply at a larger scale. present day, their family name has notoriety with other cartel and mafia families.

basically avery was supposed to take over because he was the oldest right, but lilia did not want that at all. their parents started favoring avery and schmoozing up to him a little bit to get him to say yes (even though avery was fully prepared to give lilia the position) and lilia was like! what the fuck! so she told their parents about this one time that avery accidentally blabbed the family secret to a stranger at a party which broke their one rule of keeping it a secret. their parents wanted nothing to do with him anymore and completely cut avery off and kicked him out of the family.

everyone knows that avery and lilia are siblings, even though they don’t really know the actual details about their past together because avery doesn’t say anything about his family and the cartel is a secret. now that they are both at yale and in the elites together they are just kinda like haha awkward <3 they basically would just tell everyone that they grew apart if other characters tried to pry but also lilia is now telling people that avery fucked up a business decision which is why he left the family and avery is like alright but good luck trying to get other info out of them! xo, the jeongs

present:

after being kicked out of his family, avery booked it to new haven to attend yale. he was able to score a full ride after graduating as the valedictorian of a specialized school for science in nyc and for continuously staying near if not at the top of his class. literally this man is a casual genius. he will get drunk as hell and talk about math for the entire night even if you don’t care. avery joined the elites in his junior year and even though he technically is a legacy from his family, he told them that if he was going to join, he wanted to be recruited for his academics because fuck if he was going to use his family name!

to expand a little more on blackmails, avery was broke as shit after coming to new haven. he still is, but he literally had so little money to his name and eventually found an underground fighting ring and made money by winning matches through that because he is Beefy and a Unit and his anger issues could be released <3 but he would always go a little too hard and would near murk his opponents, especially this one time that caused him to be banned from the ring. now for money he just fixes up people’s air conditioners and fridges and shit and also works maintenance at a hotel chain around connecticut to get money when he really needs it <3 literally if you need something fixed hit him up and he’ll be happy to do it but he would also love if you made him dinner to thank him because he has eaten too much kraft mac n cheese.

when avery was a sophomore, his girlfriend of a few months accidentally got pregnant whoops <3 and he was ready to literally drop everything for his girlfriend and daughter, but his girlfriend didn’t want that because she was lowkey a bitch! she ended up using a secret that avery had told her (that he had a public intoxication charge that his family had covered up) and took him to court and got his custody rights taken away and a restraining order placed on him and then dropped out of yale before anybody could know about the baby and zoomed to another state and now avery is like ok <3 his daughter’s name is skye though and she is four now and sometimes he still gets updates but literally it eats him alive hahaha

personality:

basically paddington going through an emo phase. he has extreme rbf and might be a solid unit who looks intimidating, but he genuinely is so sweet. by his looks you’d expect him to push you down the stairs but in reality he’s the kid who is 20 minutes late to class to hold the door open for people and he’ll feel good about it even if nobody says thank you to him.

certified sad boy! the extremely nice guy you meet at a house party who remembers what drink you like from some time you apparently met three months ago? avery loves house parties for real and will be the angel who cleans up at 5am even if he’s got an exam at 8. he loves to take care of people to fill his fatherly void even though he’s the one that needs help the most.

accepts the fact that he’s now #poor now, but he also gets kind of insecure and jealous seeing everybody pop off with a britney work bitch vc bugatti. tries to keep up with people looks wise at least, he has one old balenciaga cross body bag that has holes in it, way too many ripped pairs of designer jeans, and a scratched gucci belt that you will see him sporting often. might want to bash your face in if you flaunt your wealth and gets kind of whiny about it sometimes.

avery is the type of person that loves the outdoors and going on picnics. his romantic dream is to lay under a tree with the soft summer breeze and play some guitar for the love of his life <3 yes he has a guitar and yes he is actually good at singing even though he gets embarrassed about it. he fucking loves music.

still has that aries moon though, is extremely defensive and my one character who will actually fight in the group chat because what the fuck does he have to lose at this point! avery has extreme anger issues that hurt him more than anything. even though he’s banned from the underground fighting ring, he still needs an outlet and will have his hands shoved in his pockets because they’re either bruised to shit or discolored from how many times they have been bruised. can be found walking home after taking the late bus so he could go scream in a field somewhere.

this man? also naive as fuck. has been hurt by too many people and really just sets him up at this point. an open book most of the time, so much that it hurts him. will tell you everything about himself like the way he can’t sleep in silence and has to have ocean noises playing, but he can’t listen to whale noises because sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night and thinks it’s a ghost. however, his family stuff is off limits and he will spit in your face if you even think about asking him about it.

won’t hold grudges. the type to see a person for who they are as a whole and if they mess up, he’s just like “you’re better than that /: but it’s fine.” probably why he gets hurt so much

wanted connections

a roommate maybe? i pictured him living in an apartment because he probably wouldn’t be able afford live anywhere else. could be besties, could be someone he barely knows but he just needed someone to move in to split the rent.

the one person who he’ll let take care of him. it probably would take a lot to break through his walls, but this person can calm him down after he gets riled up.

since his ex went to yale, maybe one person who knew her and had somewhat of an idea of what happened. they don’t know everything but maybe from what they heard from his ex, they believe everything was avery’s fault and that he fucked her over entirely.

gut wrenching hate plots of where they really love each other but things just can’t work out for one way or another.

gentle romance <3 slow burn. someone who won’t hurt him PLEASE.

aaaaand someone who takes advantage of how naive he is

and friends. so many friends. he is just so friendly and he isn’t the type to hold shit over people’s heads.

other links

#intro

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make-it-mavis · 4 years

Text

Homesick (Entry #19)

(cw: vomiting, references to drugs) ----------

01/06/88 10:31 PM

Hey.

I’d thought that willingly bunking with Fix-it was weird. I had no idea.

You know pretty well my relationship to Wreck-it, but that’s not saying much. Anyone who sees us interacting basically knows the deal. There’s just not much more than the obvious. He’s huge, he’s dumb, and he’s got a temper shorter than a Nicelander’s arm, so, yeah, he’s my game’s resident prank and pestering dumping ground, fittingly enough. And, on the flipside, I’m small, I’m slick, I’m dang near impossible to catch when you’re that big and clumsy, and even when he does, and he throws me across the freakin’ map, I enjoy it. I’d wanna smash my face into the bricks, too, if I were him.

It felt a little close to insanity, then, thinking of welcoming myself to sleep on those bricks. I had basically nothing in my favor, other than the fact that we’ve never had a… y’know, serious fight, and very occasionally we’ll call a truce and rant about Fix-it over some root beers. Not much, but it had to count for something, right?

In any case, the arcade closed like any night. I was leaning back against my little lumpy brick knoll and idly plucking at my guitar by the time I heard those big elephant feet clomping on the bricks. I braced myself. Good or bad, it’d be uncomfortable.

“Alright, y’little guttersnipe, what did you leave me this time?”

He seemed to be talking more to himself than me. I guess he thought I’d left. Fair assumption -- why would I have stayed?

“Still here, trash gorilla.”

“What the--!?”

Stomp, stomp, stomp. He stood next to me, stance primed to smash if provoked. I didn’t bother looking up.

He barked, “You!”

“Me.”

“You wanna tell me what you’re doing in my home?”

He certainly didn’t sound happy, but I heard way more apprehension in his voice than anger. He obviously hadn’t forgotten what he’d seen on Niceland’s doorstep the night before. Remembering the look on his face just made me wish even more dearly that I had anywhere else to go.

I paid more attention to my guitar than him, hoping he would give up prematurely. “No, not really.”

“Oh, well, in that case, sure, just hunker down and make yourself a little nest without even kind of asking me.”

“Wayyy ahead of ya.”

Buttons easily pressed, he growled, “You got until the count of five to tell me what you’re up to, before I bowl you right down into the river, got it?”

“Sure you can count that high, monkey man?”

“Y’know what, let’s make it THREE. One…”

I rubbed my forehead, sporting a vicious withdrawal headache. I’d been brainstorming all day on excuses to throw at him, but always came up short. How do I explain away willingly staying in a dump with Wreck-it?

“Two…”

I finally looked up at him, with the sharpest glare I had. “I had nowhere else to go, okay! Happy now?!”

Wreck-it wavered for a second, like I’d thrown a ball at his head. He squinted, suspicious. “Wait. What do you mean? You’ve got plenty of places to go! I mean, Felix would obviously love to put you up, and--” he slowed, bogged down with memory, “--well… I guess you… were kinda screaming and smashing stuff up there this morning, so... maybe you’re… still mad at him or… something…”

He scratched his head. “Okay, maybe not Felix. But you’ve got your own place. That forest still looks pretty intact to me, sister.”

I went back to staring at my guitar. “I can’t stay there right now.”

“Why?”

“I just can’t.”

He went quiet for a minute. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his fist relax a bit and rap gently against his leg. When he spoke again, his voice was a bit lower, but still reluctant.

He said, “You’re trouble, you know.”

“Thanks.”

“Everyone’s talkin’ like you’re big trouble. Like you could be dangerous.”

“What do you think?”

He paused. “...I’unno. I’m trying to stay out of it. It all sounds like a really… y’know, delicate matter, and... that’s not exactly my thing.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about a neutral party. Part of me grimaced at the inevitability of him taking the majority’s side eventually, and part of me felt… safer, I guess. Like this guy wanted to go on pretending everything would just work itself out if he ignored it, so he’d be less likely to get up in my business. I had a glimmer of hope that we could both pretend nothing was wrong, moving forward.

I fiddled with my guitar some more. “Well… that’s probably for the best, huh.”

“But,” he growled, “you’re making it real hard to stay out of it, coming here. I just know you’re gonna get me wrapped up in this stuff, somehow. I oughtta throw you out on your keister before you get the chance.”

Looking up at him again, I asked, “Are you going to?”

His brow furrowed and his lips pressed together. He looked me up and down contemplatively, lingering in odd places. I got the impression that he was remembering the sight of me torn to ribbons. And then his eyes plainly fell to my neck. Suddenly, he looked as if he’d just read the saddest sentence of his life. Up until that point, he hadn’t noticed that I was wearing things that had belonged to you, that much was clear.

I felt the way most sprites must feel when they’re seen naked. I wanted to bury myself under the bricks.

“Gnah,” he grunted and threw his hand. “Look, if we’re really doing this, we need to lay down some ground rules. And these are real rules, not cute little make-being-bad-more-fun-for-Mavis rules. Agreed?”

“But I love those. The second kind.”

“Agreed?”

“Yes,” I leaned my head back, “obviously agreed. List your terms.”

“Okay. Rule number one -- no screaming. Everything that happened this morning? Don’t do that.”

“Noted.”

“Rule number two -- no name-calling, and-- and no no no, you look at me, right here,” he snapped his massive fingers, “when I’m telling you these, okay? Remember these -- y’know what, go ahead and write these down, while we’re at it. Take notes. Never can tell with you what you’re gonna conveniently forget. Go on, get your book out.”

Could have been worse demands, but I was still literally sick and tired, and not in the mood. I just blew a raspberry at the sky.

“Mavis.”

I blew a harder raspberry.

“Gh, you little--” my entire bag smacked me in the face, and not gently. “Don’t test me, kid. Start writing or you’re outta here.”

With a mighty groan, I did what I was told, and took down greatly paraphrased notes as he continued.

“As I was saying, rule number two,” he started counting off his fingers, “no name calling. You can’t be in my home and call me ‘trash gorilla’ or ‘homo erectus’ all the time. Leave the mean names at the door. ...Y’know, the metaphorical door.”

I raised my hand. “Question.”

“What?”

“Can I get them all out now, so they don’t slip out later?”

“Wh-- No.”

“Dang.”

“Okay, rule number three -- this is a big one. I don’t wanna wake up with anything written on me, or painted on me, or in my shirt, or stuck to my hair, or shoved in my nose, and -- y’know what, let’s just go ahead and make that, ‘Leave Ralph alone while he’s sleeping.’ I don’t turn into a toy when I close my eyes, got it?”

“Fine.”

“Rule number four -- same as rule number three, but about my stump. The stump is off limits. Don’t even sit on it. It’s not there for you.”

“Weird, but okay.”

“Rule number five -- whatever drama belongs in there,” he pointed at Niceland, “does not belong here. Okay? Don’t chuck bricks at windows or antagonize the Nicelanders or scream at Felix, none of that. They see you doing that from here, while I’m around, they’ll think I’m with you on it, you know? They’re all already not big fans of me, so don’t make that any worse.”

“Sure.”

“Uh, rule number six -- anyone throws garbage in here with food in it, that’s mine. You go get your own food.”

“Sheesh, gimme some credit. I got some standards on what kind of garbage I put in my body.”

He glared. “Just stay away from mine, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I wrote it down.

“Number seven… you know, just don’t steal anything in general, food or otherwise. No sticky fingers.”

“What the cuss is there to steal, numbnuts? There’s nothing here but bricks and broken structures, and like, maybe a pie tin or two--”

“Ap, ap, ap!” He pointed at me. “Numbnuts? That’s name calling!”

Rule number two was gonna be harder than I thought. There are just too many names to call him, and you know I hate to waste names. “Okay, okay. Paws off, I get it. Anything else, highness?”

Wreck-it squinted at me, and I wondered if he was trying to decide if ‘highness’ counted as name calling. Apparently, it didn’t. But then he started looking around the expanse of bricks, obviously trying to think like me, and find any opportunities for mischief.

“Number eight,” he continued, “don’t, uh… paint any of my bricks.”

There was a lengthy pause.

“...Why?”

“Oh, I dunno, maybe because I said so?”

“Okay, you’re really reaching, now, Wreck-it. I think you’re just about out of rules. You’ve also only got two fingers left to go,” I pointed at his eight counted fingers. “Which is, coincidentally, what she said.”

His face screwed up. “Eugh, Devs, okay, y’know what? Rule number nine -- no dirty jokes.”

“Seriously? You’re fine with Tapper’s dirty jokes!”

“Yeah, ‘cus his are nowhere near as dirty as yours! It’s GROSS, Mavis! And, just, ugh,” he pushed his hair back, pointedly looking away, “hearing how much dirty stuff you actually know about just… gives me the willies.”

“That’s what she--” the strain was nearly physical. “You’re gonna make this very hard for me. That’s what-- Ugh,” I pinched my brow, “I’m making this very hard for-- That’s-- GAHH--!!”

I threw my hat.

“Watch it,” he warned me. “Remember rule number one!”

“How can you be so squeamish!? You live and breathe GARBAGE!”

“NO DIRTY JOKES!” He pointed at me like I was a dog, continuing the trend of my cabinet-mates treating me like an animal. “THAT’S FINAL!”

“FINE! GEEZ! I’ll keep it suitable for all ages, including nine-foot-tall babies--”

“That’s name calling!”

I broke rule number one. But, to be fair, it was more of a furious shout to the stars than a scream.

“FOR THE LOVE OF LITWAK, WHAT’S RULE NUMBER TEN!?”

“EASY, kid! This is the last one, so listen up! Rule number ten…” he had his hands on his hips, assessing me in an odd way. He was silent just a moment longer than I’d have liked, but when he spoke again, his tone was much more serious.

“Look,” he said, “I dunno what you’ve got on you, or got back in your little hideout, but I don’t want you bringing any booze or buffs here. I can’t control what you do out there, but while you’re on my bricks… you’re sober. Got it?”

I wanted to say no. My first instinct was to call it all off. The withdrawal was only flooding higher above my head with every passing hour, and the thought of being denied my release stirred up defiance in me that bordered on violent. He had no idea how useful buffs were to me. He had no idea how painfully and desperately I wanted one, just one.

But after that split-second passed, I realized there was no use getting upset. It wasn’t like I had any booze or buffs or even the capacity to get any. That would involve leaving the game, which… I wasn’t ready to think about. Besides, like I said before, the withdrawal really, really sucked. But I recognized it for what it was, and knew it would pass on its own. Hardly my first rodeo.

The verbal reminder of how badly I wanted a buff, however, really brought back the emphasis on how bad the withdrawals were getting. Chills hit me like, well, a ton of bricks. My stomach churned and I made a grab for the bucket I’d brought with me.

“Okay,” I nodded, breathing heavy into the bucket. “Sober. Got it.”

For a second, Wreck-it seemed a mix of confused and concerned. “Are you--”

I retched. Hard.

“GEEZ LOUISE!!” His voice went way higher than natural, and I heard his feet stamp away behind me as he cried out to the Devs. Nine-foot-tall baby. From the other side of his stump, he called, “You didn’t tell me you were sick!”

“Didn’t come up ‘til now,” I didn’t have the strength to appreciate my own accidental joke. I called back, mostly into the bucket, “Don’t freak out, I don’t have a virus or anything. And don’t you dare try to make a rule about this, ‘cuz believe it or not, I ain’t doing this for fun.”

“I know that,” I could hear the eye-roll. “I’m not stupid. It just would have been nice to know what I was in for before I decided to let you stay here.”

“Well,” I was panting by that point, and the sweat was making a real comeback, “now you know. Your guest is sick. But she’ll get over it in a few days, and she’s gotten real good at silent puking.”

“...A few days, huh.”

The pounding of his fists against the brick scared the bits out of me -- just a thing he does before settling down, like a dog turning in a circle. After I heard him lie down, he asked in a tired, but not quite annoyed tone, “So… just how long are you assuming I’ll put up with you?”

I spat. “I… can’t say right now, I don’t think. But I don’t like this any more than you do. It won’t go on a second longer than it has to.”

He grunted. “If you say so, I guess.”

The conversation ended there, for a bit. I spent a while teetering right on the edge of puking, until I backed away from that edge enough to head to the river and rinse out the bucket. Since I’d started shaking so bad, climbing back up the bricks took way longer than it should have. It made me miss flying so much. Everything did.

Once I got back, I did my absolute best to arrange my nest of pillows in a comfortable way, but you can only do so much on a pile of bricks. I could feel their corners jabbing up at me no matter what. All the same, I settled in.

After maybe ten minutes, I said, “Hey, Wreck-it.”

He grunted again.

“I’ve got some rules, too.”

“No you don’t. This is a favor I’m doing for you, in my home. You don’t get to make rules.”

“Okay,” I sighed. “Do I get to make polite requests?”

“I dunno. Are they ‘for-real’ polite or ‘Mavis’ polite?”

“For-real.” I paused. “I think.”

“...Seems unlikely. But, I’m listening.”

“Request number one -- don’t talk to anyone about me being here.”

He hummed. “Easy enough.”

“Request number two -- don’t ask me about what happened last night. About how I ended up on that doorstep. I know you’ve been thinking about it. But I’m not going to talk about it, so don’t ask. Don’t ask anything.”

“Woah, okay, okay. I wasn’t… going to. I won’t. Anything else?”

“Yeah. Don’t try to talk to me about…” my sentence derailed. I didn’t want to say your name out loud again. Felt like it would hit me too hard. “...about the 7th.”

He was silent for a long time.

“That’s fine with me.”

“...Good.” I felt just about ready to delete from exhaustion, but had the distinct feeling that sleeping would be near impossible. I was just pulling up my blanket when Wreck-it piped up again.

“Rule number eleven--”

“No. No, you’re done with those. You can’t count on your toes, now.”

“Last one, for real this time,” he insisted. “Rule number eleven -- just… just keep your dang clothes on, will ya?”

I didn’t laugh.

It was a bizarre feeling. I knew it was funny, but my sense of humor felt like wet firewood. That little spark of laughter just wouldn’t catch.

“I’ll try,” I answered, “but I still plan on bathing.”

He grumbled, but made no further comment. That was it for the night. We went about our personal businesses of trying to sleep through the wrongness of it all. It took him a bit longer than I thought it would, probably because he wanted to sleep with one eye open, but eventually, his trumpeting snores started. They’ve never really bothered me before, but getting them point-blank is really an experience. Needless to say, they were far from a lullaby.

Not that anything resembling a lullaby would have helped. The sleeping conditions there were even worse than Niceland. Trying to sleep out in the wide open is just unnerving to me. My little nest faced away from the entirety of the map, and the dump doesn’t extend into another forest at its far end. It just fades away into blackness, farther than we’re programmed to roam. The air is cold outside of tree cover, and the bricks even more so, but nothing felt colder than that sight.

You sure can see the stars from there, though. But, of course, it was one of those nights where that’s a bad thing.

On a good day, the stars make me think there are good things even in the darkest places. The black sky here looks like it could stretch on forever, like if you flipped our game upside down, we would all fall into it and never see light again. That really freaked me out for a long time, when I first surfaced. But the more I looked at the stars and how pretty they are, the more I thought, if the sky really did go on forever, then there could be even more beautiful things out there. Including a place better than this.

But I can’t get there. That’s the bad part. Sometimes, all the stars do is make me feel trapped. The place I really belong could be out there, but I’m just stuck in a glass box I can’t break.

Feeling tiny and alone beneath that both confining and possibly endless sky, I found myself inevitably thinking of you again. I didn’t have a couch to fool myself with anymore, or any walls to imagine closing in tighter, but… I did have your scarf.

It reeked of memories. Not of events, but emotions. Smelling it felt like inhaling pure, raw panic. It made my head spin and really aggravated my nausea, but, for reasons I didn’t quite understand, I just couldn’t put it down. I knew it was keeping me up, but I didn’t care.

As I lay there awake, feverish as hell, smelling a mix of smoke and gasoline that was so distinctly you, staring up at the stars, I just couldn’t stop thinking… did you do what I never could, and find a way to get past them?

If you did, where did you go?

If you did, how could I ever hope to find you?

If you did, why the hell did you leave me here alone?

#fanfiction #fanfic #wreck it ralph #make it mavis #turbo #original character #homesick #i fuckin love writing ralph and mavis lmao

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rwbyconversations · 5 years

Text

Why Emerald and Mercury’s scene in Lost is one of the best scenes in all of RWBY

Lost is a really underappreciated episode in Volume 6. It tends to get overlooked because Dead End precedes it and that’s easily the weakest episode of the season, while right afterwards we get the three-parter of the Argus Battle and Adam’s return meant focus was shifted for a hot minute. But I adore this episode, nearly every second of it barring some choices at the end (barring Oscar getting shafted for development- again- and Ruby’s oddball speech of “we didn’t need adults this far” to Qrow), but it’s honestly one of the best episodes of the season in my eyes, and that falls down to one major scene- Emerald and Mercury’s conversation in the first third of the episode, which is one of my favorite scenes in all of RWBY.

I know when people think of character arcs involving Lost they tend to go for the obvious lure of the Pyrrha statue, which, to be fair, is a really solid character moment and I loved a lot about it- especially the small reference to the Volume 1 OP of Jaune looking at the statue, it’s framed with almost the exact same camera angle. But as someone who mains my two murder kids, I cannot stress how hyped up I was going into Lost. Finally, after years of being relegated to background fodder with their one big moment since Volume 3 being their humiliating appearance at Haven where Emerald took a literal dive and Merc was left holding an arm like a numbnuts, Lost was gonna give me the content I’d been waiting for.

The fact that Merc and Em were getting the thumbnail- something neither of them had been in since Volume 3- was something that made my goddamn day when the thumbnail went up on VRV

And ultimately, I think the scene delivered, and delivered with a gusto that makes me unironically call it one of the best scenes of the Volume, one of the best of the show, in fact- and today I’d like to explain why I love Emerald and Mercury’s scene in Volume 6 Chapter 9, Lost.

1) The establishing context, or: a quick breakdown of Merc and Em in V6C4

Merc and Em had one scene earlier this volume, in Chapter 4, “So That’s How It Is.” It chronicles them and Hazel returning from Mistral several weeks after the Battle of Haven, Hazel having contacted Little Miss Malachite and gotten the heads up on where RWBY were going next. Spirits are low as they leave the ship, and an unexpected welcoming party in Tyrian doesn’t lift the mood. Emerald in particular lashes out at Tyrian when he mockingly notices Cinder’s absence, which just gives him all the motivation he needs to get up in Emerald’s personal space and mock her for her weakness.

Fun fact, in the Volume 6 trailer, Tyrian creeping on Emerald happens in Salem’s conference room, presumably to throw people off the scene on when the scene would be happening.

Tyrian proves to be as sharp as his dearly-departed stinger (now resting in Ruby’s cabinet of Maimed Body Parts), mocking Emerald in a delightfully chilling voice that “Cinder isn’t here to protect you anymore.” You know who is though?

This asshole, that’s who. Mercury fucking Black, finally showing the spine he lost after Volume 3 and getting up in Tyrian’s grill to protect Emerald. He even got his eyebrows back just for the occasion!

Never forget Volume 4 and Merc’s penciled-on eyebrows

It’s a short but sweet scene that sets up the duo’s dynamic well- they’ve really only got each other out in Evernight so even if they bicker... a lot... Merc and Em will watch each other’s backs because it’s that or deal with Tyrian, Watts and most importantly Salem alone. And that’s not a thought either of them truly want to consider.

The rest of the Evernight scene in chapter 4 has some small but important moments for them- I especially love Mercury being the first person we see realizing Salem’s about to snap because of his abusive father. If anyone’s gonna know how to read the room and know to get out of dodge before the glass starts shattering, it’ll be him. How he just stands at attention, eyes locked forward when everyone else looks at Salem is also a nice subtle bit of character- eyes forward, since he was probably told not to move without permission. Emerald’s sheer terror for much of the debriefing is just a masterclass in animation- her eyes are these narrow pinpricks that can’t focus on a single spot, she cringes in anticipation of a slap when she rats out Cinder (gee it’s almost as if Cinder is her abuser who conditioned her or something why do people still ship them), how she flinches when Salem touches her shoulder and only relaxes when Salem moves on and reveals that Cinder’s alive. It’s all just great stuff for their characters that you get from looking at their body language.

That’s all that we see of Mercury and Emerald until chapter 9, and unfortunately the last we see of them from there until the post-credits scene, but fortunately, this is a real doozy of a scene.

2) The actual scene

We open with Merc and Em alone in a room, Emerald bitterly noting how much she hates being kept in the dark about Salem’s future plans. Mercury agrees, stopping some training to note that at least Cinder kept them up to speed, before resuming his combat.

Mercury and Yang are two of the easier foils to compare and contrast to in the series, especially in the RWBY/CRME contrasts between Ruby/Cinder, Weiss/Emerald, Blake/Roman and later Adam and Yang/Mercury. Both are close range fights with firearms strapped to their limbs of choice, both have cybernetic limbs and as we learn later this episode, both had fathers with wildly differing views on their Semblances. But something else that connects them is that neither Mercury or Yang stay down for long when they get knocked out. Yang lost her arm and once she got back on her feet, she updated her fighting style to be more acrobatic and all-around, which paid off in dividends when she got to fight Adam and was able to move around his strikes. Similarly, the first time we see Mercury get some free time after Haven, he’s training... except he’s working on his fists, since he was overly reliant on his legs until now. I like this, it would have been easy to have Mercury just working on his legs or even just doing nothing but not only does it give the conversation a more lively feel, but it shows that Mercury is working on covering his weaknesses. And if there’s one thing Mercury hates, it’s leaving a weakness uncovered.

Your daily reminder that Yang vs Mercury is some of the best choreography in the show BTW

Emerald, seemingly out of boredom, decides to pry a bit and asks Mercury why he came with Cinder and Emerald in the Volume 3 flashback. I’ve seen some people criticize that Emerald is only asking this now, but given how when she tried to object to Cinder she got a slap for her troubles, I think it’s safe to say she decided it wasn’t worth Cinder’s wrath a second time for asking too many questions about Mercury.

Mercury tries deflecting with a simple answer “Just made sense,” to which Emerald calls bullshit with one of the most deadpan-laden lines she’s ever uttered. “It ‘made sense.’”

Mercury decides to keep up that path, trying to cover the question with his usual sarcasm and wit. It’s notable that his explanation gives nothing away that Emerald didn’t already know- Marcus trained Mercury to be an assassin, Mercury killed him and right afterwards, Cinder showed up. It’s almost clinical how, despite covering it with his usual wit, Mercury doesn’t let anything slip until Emerald gets under his skin by calling bullshit again, since to her that Mercury joined Cinder for as shallow a reason as “right place right time” is anathema to her- there has to be something in this for Mercury beyond just getting to fight. Mercury again deflects, giving Emerald knowledge she already knows- “Salem’s promised us everything. We win this thing, we’ll be top dogs in her new world.” Again, he’s only telling her what she already knows, and when he asks her what she gets out of this, Mercury manages to throw Emerald off the scent and tricks her into talking about herself- a topic Mercury enjoys because it means he’s not the one under the microscope.

Something I adore and hate in equal measure is how musically when Emerald talks about Cinder, the score itself changes to a more whimsical version of Cinder’s theme- as if Emerald’s using her Semblance on the soundtrack itself to paint Cinder in a better light.

Also something worth noting is the lighting symbolism for Emerald in the first part of this scene:

She starts in darkness, surrounded by light.

When Mercury gets a rise out of her, she walks out into the light to confront him, but Mercury moves into the darkness, a barrier separating them. But when Emerald begins talking about Cinder...

The camera pans to put Emerald back into darkness. This scene is loaded with this kind of symbolism on a lighting and musical level, the two dancing around the edges of light and dark, separated usually by the barriers that form from the overhead light.

Regardless, Mercury is perfectly fine to let Emerald prattle on about Cinder, right up until Emerald begins having a crisis of conscience. Not one based on how Cinder used her to stage a terrorist attack, no. Mercury butts in when Emerald’s crisis of conscience is based on how now that Cinder isn’t here, Emerald isn’t sure if they’re doing the right thing. And thus Mercury’s fandom finally got to see the scene they had been waiting years for: Mercury telling Emerald Cinder doesn’t care for them. Emerald gets angry, still caught up in the web of lies that Cinder spun around her, but Mercury doesn’t give a solitary shit about any of that and keeps saying things Emerald doesn’t want to hear- that Cinder never cared about Emerald, let alone either of them.

I absolutely adore how the ever-present smirk on Mercury’s face just melts off while he’s trying to get Emerald to realize Cinder never cared for them- either because he’s done playing nice or because he’s trying to stress to Emerald that he’s not messing around, just this once.

Mercury’s mocking line to Emerald finally sets her off, and she charges him furiously, trying to beat him into shutting up. But it doesn’t work- of course it wouldn’t, Mercury is leagues above Emerald in skill even if she uses her weapons, going in without them is tantramount to suicide. This guy danced around Coco and Yatuhashi and gave Yang and Pyrrha good fights while deliberately throwing both fights. Beating Emerald would take less than a minute if he tried. But he doesn’t. Mercury never actually hits Emerald, focusing on just blocking her blows. It’s only when Mercury finally decides to stop giving Emerald information she already knows and actually give her some honest truth that he begins trying, and immediately Emerald is forced back. But even then, Mercury throws his kicks. Compared to the ones he threw in training they’re sluggish, easily predicted. He’s not trying to hurt Emerald, he’s just stressing his point.

Literal chills went down my back when I heard that line the first time, Yuri killed it.

Mercury basically decides to throw his abuse in Emerald’s face, which I’ve seen some people deride and describe as Mercury basically playing the victim card, but I think this is perfectly in-character for him. Emerald’s locked in her cycle of abuse with Cinder, even though the bitch is on another continent and now is the perfect time for Emerald to break free, to get out before Cinder maims her like Marcus did Mercury... and she’s not. Taking. The chance. Of course Mercury would be pissed, of course he’d get heated for the first time- he’s basically watching Emerald squander one of the only chances she has to get out of this life before Cinder catches her again, and he (and the audience) know if Cinder gets her hands on Emerald again, that’ll be it; Emerald will be ride or die for Cinder all the way to the finish line due to her paternal/romantic love. If it takes Mercury being this most callous and blunt he’s ever been to finally get Emerald to see the truth or even just to make sure where she draws her battlelines, then he’ll do whatever it takes.

As we get an orchestral reprise of I’m The One, Mercury finally gives us a new hint into his backstory- one of the most fucked up of all the cast according to Kerry- for the first time in three years. Marcus didn’t just beat Mercury senseless, didn’t just excuse it as training and potentially even cut off Mercury’s legs to refine him into a perfect killer- he stole Mercury’s Semblance with his own, seeing it as a crutch that Mercury relied on and holding it over his head with the promise of its return once Mercury got strong. To quote the normally Unirkable Merc himself, “So I got strong, but I never got it back!”

Mercury forced himself to get on the level of titans like Pyrrha and Yang without having the safety net of a Semblance like they have- he got strong in spite of his father, not because of Marcus taking his power from him. But that power- that strength that lets him fight at a skill ceiling beyond what Marcus likely thought possible, destroyed this young child. It stole from Mercury, things that he can never get back- a literal piece of his soul was taken from him and the thrill of the fight is the only thing he’s ever found that can fill the hole. That confidence is earned because Mercury was defiled by his father and spat in the face of destiny, he chose to get back up and try and earn back what was rightfully his. And when he got the strength to kill his abuser and burn his house down, just to realize he couldn’t get that power back? In walked Cinder Fall, looking for another lost youth to corrupt and twist the worldview of- and here was one such youth, with all the corruption done complete with a neat little bow on top.

All of this- all of this- goes without mentioning how not two volumes prior we had a different character go through an arc involving her Semblance and a father figure teaching her how to control it and not let it control her.

I’m just saying guys if you still wanna live in denial over Yang and Merc’s foil status and how they’d be the coolest rivals in the show, door’s right there, I’m gonna be here eagerly awaiting their proper rematch (Fuck off and die Volume 5, you mountain of wasted potential).

The kicker (pun not intended) is Mercury’s line at the end of the training with Emerald- “I’m right where I’m supposed to be,” he confidently declares, absolutely sure in himself. The whole dynamic of the scene has been Mercury and Emerald calling bullshit on each other’s excuses, with Mercury dominating once he got Emerald to play the Cinder card. But he gets so caught up in his rage over how he got defiled by Marcus, that he loses sight for a second and forgets that he’s lying to himself as much as Emerald- the difference is he’s gone thought he cycle before and seen it so he can see that Emerald’s in it, but he hasn’t yet realized he’s gotten caught in a different cycle and still can’t see the trees from the forest. Denial is a recurring trait in Mercury and Emerald, and one neither of them are ever truly free from (”Salem promised us everything,” like how Marcus promised you back your Semblance, Mercury?). Emerald attacking Mercury after he mocks her “crisis of identity” can almost be taken as her subconsciously agreeing with Merc that Cinder doesn’t care, but after all she’s done for Cinder, everyone she’s hurt and helped kill, the idea that it was all for less than nothing is something she’s got to run away from- the alternative is just too nightmarish.

Mercury “I’m right where I’m supposed to be” Black, ladies and gents. He’s feeling really confident in these scenes, can’t you tell?!

And who sees this and realizes it, but none other than Tyrian fucking Callows of all people. And of all the people in Salem’s castle, who expected him to be an adept armchair psychologist? Tyrian is blunt, completely unforgiving in his assessment of Mercury and Emerald- they’re trapped in a cycle of violence, pain and misery, and they’re too afraid of what’s on the other side to ever leave it- what’s waiting for Mercury out in the world of Remnant? All he can do is kill, and now that he’s burned his bridges with Huntsmen society, all he’d wind up doing is assassination work like father like son. Granted, Tyrian being the one to break this down to them both is... ironic given how Tyrian himself is trapped in Salem’s web of devotion and has been for so long he couldn’t find his way out if he wanted to, but here he raises a valid point.

After this the scene mostly moves away from Mercury and Emerald and becomes Tyrian informing them and the audience that Watts and Tyrian are going to Atlas to intercept RWBY, but before he leaves, Tyrian leaves some parting advice.

“Do what makes you happy children, please? I’m begging you.”

Reading through the mile-wide lines, it’s obvious Tyrian wants them to run so he can hunt them down himself, even though he denies telling them they should leave earlier when Emerald asks point-blank if he’s telling them to go (of course he isn’t saying that, he wants them to come to the conclusion himself, no fun stalking prey when the hunt’s made easy for you after all). But the scene ends with a somewhat more optimistic note.

Emerald and Mercury, still unsure about a lot of things after this group therapy session, are still standing together, almost more unified than they were before now- no barriers of light and darkness separating the two now. And that should be something that terrifies anyone who crosses their paths, especially the guy who made a point to T-Bag Mercury and basically promise he’ll draw the straw on killing them if they stray out of line.

3) Conclusion

Mercury and Emerald are my favorite characters in the show, and while that’s been a bit harder to maintain in the Dark Times of Volumes 4 and 5 where they got nothing to do, 6 reminded me and a lot of other people why they’re the characters to keep an eye on in future years. They have these wonderfully dark backstories that let them serve as haunting foils for two members of team RWBY each (Emerald and Ruby and Weiss, Mercury for Blake and Yang) that show how far things could have gone if the RWBY girls had been born with a bit less luck. On top of all that, I’m The One is just a killer of a song that excites with its spiteful air, its cockiness only accentuating how horrific these two have had it.

Mercury and Emerald start the Mistral seasons separated by a barrier (the window) but after their conversation in Lost and time away from Cinder, the barrier’s gone. They’re closer than they were before. And Merc got his eyebrows back too, that’s a sign he started caring about Emerald!

Their scene in Lost I feel encapsulates a lot of what keeps them together and what makes for one of RWBY’s best dynamics- they don’t really like each other a lot of the time, but they have each other’s back come hell or high water because they need each other like a lifeline. Mercury does, at least a little, genuinely care for Emerald; he goes about it in a dickish way but trying to recognize Cinder’s abusive behavior is one of the most noble things he’s done all show. And while Emerald did try to attack him, he goaded her into it and she was indignant with rage when Tyrian pinned Merc down. Everything about the scene just works for me, from the small musical cues (alongside the return of I’m The One and Cinder’s theme, I love how right before Emerald attacks Mercury, this beeping starts and then accelerates into this droning sound like a flatline, which really captures Emerald’s temper reaching fever pitch and then snapping, to the lighting symbolism (Merc and Em both begin the scene in darkness but come together in the light at the end after Tyrian leaves, alongside everything I said above) and of course, Katie Newville and Yuri Lowenthal both knocking it out of the park with a home run of a performance, alongside Josh Grelle being his usual self when Tyrian shows up. While it was overshadowed by Jaune’s scene with the Pyrrha statue, I’d be very comfortable marking Emerald and Mercury’s spotlight scene in Lost as not just a highlight of the season, but one of the best scenes of the entire show. Everything came together for this ambrosia of a scene, and I can only hope I sold how much it means to me and how much I appreciate the work that went into it on a technical, writing, animation, acting and musical level.

Keep an eye on Merc and Em is all I’m saying, and if you’ve written them off in the past, I hope this convinced you to take another look at them and hope they get their due time to shine in future.

Thank you for reading.

#rwby #mercury black #emerald sustrai #Tyrian Callows #yang xiao long #salem #marcus black #taiyang xiao long #rwby analysis #yuri lowenthal #katie newville #rwby volume 6 chapter 4 #rwby volume 6 chapter 9 #josh grelle #rwby6 #so that's how it is #lost

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tanstaaflaos · 4 years

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A rant from Trump supporters

The following is a cut and paste from someone I know on Facebook. In short, they don’t particularly like Trump but like liberals and progressive ideas even less. They justify their vote for Trump as giving a finger to liberals and the media, rather than supporting Trump. In short, a very selfish and short-sighted mentality that is unfortunately prevalent in today’s world. These folks will continue to vote against their own interests if it means they can “win” while sticking it to the liberals. Here’s the rant:

🛑 STOP! 🛑 EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS ⬇️ If you are a liberal who can’t stand Trump, and cannot possibly fathom why anyone would ever vote for him, let me fill you in. It’s not that we love Donald Trump so much. It’s that we can’t stand you. And we will do whatever it takes — even if that means electing a rude, obnoxious, unpredictable, narcissist (your words not ours) to the office of President of the United States — because the thing we find more dangerous to this nation than Donald Trump is YOU. How is that possible you might ask? Well, you have done everything in your power to destroy our country. From tearing down the police, to tearing down our history, to tearing down our borders. From systematically destroying our schools and brainwashing our kids into believing socialism is the answer to anything (despite being an unmitigated failure everywhere), while demonizing religion and faith, and glorifying abortion, violence, and thug culture. From calling us racists every time we expect everyone of any skin color to follow our laws equally, to telling us that our “tolerance” of lifestyles we don’t agree with isn’t nearly enough — no we must “celebrate” any lifestyle choice or gender option (forget science) you throw our direction or you think it’s fine to calls us homophobic or some other degrading slur you decide is okay to call us — ironically all while lecturing us on hate speech. While you gaslight us about 52 genders, polyamory, grown men in dresses sharing public locker rooms with little girls, and normalize the sexualization of young children, you simultaneously ridicule us for having the audacity to wish someone a “Merry Christmas” or hang a flag on the 4th of July, stand for the national anthem, or (horror of horrors) don a MAGA hat in public. So much for your “tolerance.” (See why we think you are just hypocrites??) We’re also not interested in the fact that you think you can unilaterally decide that 250 years of the right-to-bear-arms against a tyrannical or ineffective government should be abolished because you can’t get the violence in the cities you manage under control. That free-speech should be tossed out the window, and that those who disagree with your opinions are fair game for public harassment or doxing. That spoiled children with nose-rings and tats who still live off their parent’s dime should be allowed to destroy cities and peoples livelihoods without repercussions. That chaos, and lawlessness, and disrespect for authority should be the norm. This is your agenda. And you wonder why we find you more dangerous than Donald Trump? Your narrative is a constant drone of oppressor/oppressed race-baiting intended to divide the country in as many ways as you possibly can. You love to sell “victim-hood” to people of color every chance you get because it’s such an easy sell, compared to actually teaching people to stand on their own two feet and take personal responsibility for their own lives and their own communities and their own futures. But you won’t do that, you will never do that, because then you will lose control over people of color. They might actually start thinking for themselves, God forbid! This is why we will vote for Donald Trump. Not because he is the most charming character on the block. Not because he is the most polite politician to have ever graced the oval office. Not because he is the most palatable choice, or because we love his moral character or because the man never lies, but because we are sick to death of you and all of the destructive crap you are doing to this once beautiful and relatively safe country. Your ineffective and completely dysfunctional liberal “leadership”(?) has literally destroyed our most beautiful cities, our public education system, and done it’s damndest to rip faith out of people’s lives. However bad Donald Trump may be, and he is far from perfect, every day we look at you and feel that no matter what Donald Trump says or does there is no possible way he could be any worse for our country than you people are. We are sick to death of your stupid, destructive, ignorant, and intolerant behavior and beliefs — parading as “wokeness.” We are beyond sick of your hypocrisy and B.S. We are fed up with your disrespectful divisiveness and constant unrelenting harping and whining and complaining (while you live in the most privileged nation in the world), while making literally zero contributions of anything positive to our society. Your entire focus is on ripping things down, never ever building anything up. Think about that as there is something fundamentally very wrong in the psychology of people who choose destruction as their primary modus operandi. When Donald J Trump is reelected, don’t blame us, look in the mirror and blame yourselves. Because you are the ones that are responsible for the rise of Donald Trump. You are the ones who have created this "monster" that you so despise, by your very actions. By your refusal to respect your fellow Americans, and the things that are important to us. You have made fun of the “fly-over states,” the people who “cling to their guns and religion,” the middle class factory workers and coal miners and underprivileged rural populations that you dismissively call “yahoos” and “deplorables.” You have mocked our faith and our religion. You have mocked our values and our patriotism. You have trampled our flag and insulted our veterans and treated our first responders with contempt and hatred. You have made environmentalism your religion, while trashing every city you have taken responsibility for. You scream from the rooftops about “global warming” and a “green new deal” while allowing tens of thousands of homeless people to cover your streets in literal sh!t and garbage and needles and plastic waste without doing a single thing to help them or solve the environmental crisis your failed social policies are creating. But we’re supposed to put YOU in charge of the environment while gutting our entire economy to institute this plan when you can’t even clean up a single city?? You complain — endlessly — yet have failed to solve a single social problem anywhere. In fact, all you have done is create more of them. We’ve had enough. We are tired of quietly sitting by and being the “silent” majority. So don’t be surprised when the day comes when we finally respond. And trust me it’s coming, sooner than you might think. And also trust me when I say it won’t be pretty. Get ready. When Donald Trump is reelected it will be because you and your “comrades” have chosen to trash the police, harass law-abiding citizens, and go on rampages destroying public property that we have all paid for and you have zero respect for. When Donald Trump is reelected it will be because we are sick of your complete and utter nonsense and destruction. How does it feel to know that half of this country finds you FAR more despicable than Donald J. Trump, the man you consider to be the anti-Christ? Let that sink in. We consider you to be more despicable, more dangerous, more stupid, and more narcissistic than Donald Trump. Maybe allow yourself a few seconds of self-reflection to let that sink in. This election isn’t about Donald Trump vs. Joe Biden. This is about Donald Trump vs YOU. So if on the morning of November 4 (or more likely January 19, by the time the Supreme Court will weigh in on the mail-in ballot fiasco that we are headed towards), and Donald J. Trump is reelected? The only people you have to blame is the left-wing media drones and yourselves. You did this. Yep you. I copied and shared this and if you give a shit about your country then you should too.

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elle-eedee · 4 years

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dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here

#my worst post. look at it everybody #descendants #high school musical #disney channel #lemonade mouth #wizards of waverly place #good luck charlie #zombies #princess protection program #read it and weep #zapped #dadnapped #radio rebel #how to build a better boy #the term 'dcom daddy' was coined by poddin this together so nobody's allowed to get mad at me for it. also im right about each of these

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lonestarbabe · 4 years

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Morning! (For me) FRD back again! Seven though she isn't my favorite character, (TK and Carlos share that) Grace is def top 5 (pulling in second since the other two doofuses tie) Something, I hope they touch on with her is the struggles that can come with our job. We know Judd suffers from PTSD, but we also have a high rate of PTSD and burnout from the job. Now I don't live in a bigger city like Austin. Too put it into perspective, we don't really have paid firefighters. They are all (1/?)

volunteers. Technically one fire department gets paid, but they are still volunteers who have jobs before the station so no one stays there 24/7. But we are roughly an hour from Atlanta, GA and we have a lake that is fed from a major river in our area. During the summer months we have our fair share of boating calls. Just a few years ago there was a bad one where a person was killed and a young girl lost her leg. Now I didn't work that, but a coworker did and I know they, for months had (2/?)

trouble sleeping. (He's doing better now) my very first call as a baby dispatcher was my grandmother, she was fine, and she called so often I even joked with my coworkers at the time that she would probably be my first caller. We also only have two people on at a time. We also just got the CAD system last year. (I've been there just shy 10 years). Since I've been there I have had my fair share of calls. I have (so far) just two that will stay with me, but having been there so long (3/?)

I've learned to let things go, but I still do feel that fatigue and burnout. I started out weekends and the occasional weekday shift, then I moved to a 3p-11p shift, and now I work 11p-7a. I feel the fatigue a lot less, for a while I hated my job, but when I moved down to a calmer over all shift, it reset things for me personally. I love knowing I'm helping people. Though, I think the scariest thing for me has been (4/5?)

just a few weeks ago, we had severe storms roll through, and thankfully I work for a director who understand that our fur family mean just as much as our actual fam. But I have no kids or spouse, but I have my dog, so if it looks like severe weather is coming, I can bring him up there because the building can survive high winds. Anyway, the most sever was supposed to miss us, but my partner and I were minding our own business, no calls, and all of a sudden the siren starts going off (5/6)

she and I look at each other, flip the tv to the local weather station, just to find out there is a tornado heading to MY community, where my dog is alone and probably scared. When I tell you my stomach dropped, it fell to the floor. Luckily, the rotation dissipated quickly and nothing happened, but for me, knowing that I couldn't protect my own. Gut wrenching. But yeah, that got WAY off topic. So yeah I hope we see more from Lonestar and the OG we see the struggle for us dispatchers. (7/8)

Also last one I swear, can I just say after the second to last episode of the OG 911, I literally told everyone in my life that I was so thankful to work at a small agency that we know literally all the officer (not so much for the Sheriff's office atm cause the quarantine and them getting new guys) but yeah. We know everyone and I have called an officer on duty for sketchy people coming up to dispatch. There I'm done. This went on long enough! Haha

HELLO! Glad to hear from you again! I got busy with work stuff, so I’m only getting to answer this now. Good afternoon to you, though!

I do really love Grace, even though she isn’t my fave (and we haven’t seen a whole lot of her, so I think I’ll definitely love her even more as the show progresses and we get to see more of her in action and the emotional impact of her job on her, which we got a glimpse of in the last episode especially). It would be nice to see that PTSD/ Burnout element. Grace has been dealing with a lot.

Like she had to be on the call when Judd nearly died and the rest of the firehouse did die, which alone is so traumatizing and with all of Judd’s issues, she’s had to push a lot of hers back I think and kind of focus on helping other people, and that’s something dispatchers have to do regularly where they have to stay calm and try to figure out how to help people when they don’t have all the facts and still have to process really scary and hard to handle information. I think a lot of people don’t realize how hard that would be and how important it is! You take them for granted as just the voice on the other end and not the human dealing with such hard circumstances and having to often figure out what is going on (because panicked people aren’t always able to make the most sense!).

I think no matter where you are, there are undoubtedly haunting calls that I imagine just stick with you are so hard to handle. Where I live, we also don’t have a paid fire department, but even just looking in the news, plenty of horrific things still happen to people and lots of those were surely handled by people like you! Even of you just get a couple calls that really stay with you, that’s still hard to deal with I bet. It’s definitely not a career I could handle.

I’m glad that you were able to move to a shift that seems to be better for you and that your boss values fur family because I think that seems to be helpful and helps you keep up your morale when you go to work and deal with the issues people call you with. And yeah, that moment where you felt like you couldn’t protect your own would probably really resonate with Grace in that tragic moment where she lost so much while she was also trying to do her job and help people. Rarely do we get to see how important dispatchers are, so it’s great that 911 and Lone Star show that so well!

It would be helpful to work in a smaller department and be able to know people I think. Makes it easier for you to do your job in some ways. Though, I can imagine there are some drawbacks too.

#FND #if I ever have dispatcher questions I know who to ask ;)#thank you this was so interesting #and I appreciate you sending it to me!!#comeonbacktothefrontporch

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silver-falling-star · 5 years

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Sing me a song, o muse, of your bitter hatred against catcher in the rye bc SAME

Oooooh boy, I smell one of my long winded rants coming on. Strap in folks its about to be a wild ride.

So, Ima preface this by saying that I have NOT read it since I was forced to read it in 11th grade. For like, several fucking reasons. (the primary one being that I don’t want to, the 2nd one being I don’t know which bookshelf my dad stashed my copy on. He stashed all my required readings on various bookshelves after I was done with them. Because we were all given copies for free by the teachers that we were allowed to keep. I’ll chalk this up to private school benefits I guess? I’ve been out of the public school circuit since the end of 5th grade) So basically my memory of like, most of the events that take place in the book are foggy at best and unremembered at worst.

@ my mutuals and followers who like this book, that’s fine you do you, but I personally am not and probably will never be a fan of Catcher in the Rye. My feelings of why I dislike it are my opinions and I’m not gonna force them on you.

Problem 1: Main character is an unsympathetic asshole

My biggest gripe about the book is honestly a gripe I have about SEVERAL books. Unlikable characters, and I don’t necessarily mean written poorly (though I don’t remember being awed by how the book was written, I’ll be honest.) I mean unsympathetic asshole little bastards that make you want to just chuck the book across the room. Other books that share this problem are The Great Gatsby (that book is hot fucking garbage in terms of likeable characters and I WILL die on that fucking hill do not even @ me), Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie (Main character is an asshole little snobby bitch and despite being a murder mystery written in first person she literally figures things out at such a pace its not fun for the reader because she STILL ends up caught in shit situations she KNEW WAS GOING TO GO DOWN BECAUSE SHES SUCH A SPECIAL LITTLE SHIT- okay that’s a rant for a different post) and The King Must Die. (If you ever want to read a book with shit diction, pick it up.)

Now, as a writer/roleplayer of almost a decade, I’ve made plenty of characters that fall into the unsympathetic asshole role. My problem isn’t with the archetype, it’s often used and often done well (fandoms later trying to apologize for them aside) My PROBLEM comes when that’s either the archetype for the only character given any spotlight, or ALL the characters have that problem. (see, Great Gatsby.) Holden Caulfield(or however the fuck you spell it) is an unsympathetic asshole, and also the character who’s perspective is the only one we get to see, and the only character we really know much about. (Mainly cause he just doesn’t deign to care to give a legitimate effort in giving a damn about anyone else aside from how innocent children/his sister are. More on how creepy that shit is later.) Making a book like this means that I’m far less likely to enjoy it because I want to be able to root for someone. I can root for an asshole, so long as they’re likeable in some regard. Holden is a grade A fuckboy in the making and as such I am not a fan.

TL/DR: It’s possible to have likeable unsympathetic asshole characters, it is almost impossible to do that if that’s all you have exposure too in your cast.

Problem 2: I was really not in the best place to receive such a fucking depresso espresso lesson about life.

Switching gears momentarily from problems with the writing/book itself to problems with the timing of this book showing up in my life. High school was the time when all my trauma I’d successfully… repressed? Avoided dealing with? whatever, basically all my mental health shit suddenly decided to spring itself on me and yell “SURPRISE, YOU’RE MENTALLY FUCKED AND WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!” in 10th grade and it wasn’t until halfway through 11th grade that I even started getting a handle on shit. I almost failed high school and it was *bad*, especially for someone who was just trying to get to college so I could get to vet school and be qualified for a job that requires an ass load of education. So in walks this fucking book and it’s message of “adulthood is a sham, nothing matters and you really should just fuck around and do whatever because it’s all bullshit anyway. Childhood was where it’s at.”

Like???? Alright, that’s not what I need to hear when I’m barely passing high school. Go to fucking therapy and get some help, we all have trauma and therapy is the best path to work through it. I dunno like, yeah okay some people need to hear that message at whatever time in their life they read the book, but that message really wasn’t great to my Anxiety/Depression/ADHD struggling ass trying to just stay steady enough to get into college.

Honestly, even to this day I HATE HATE HATE books with depressing messages like that. I already deal with the struggle of being afraid of failure, getting where I want to be, all that shit. I don’t want that in my literature. Give me a person who struggles but still succeeds and finds some sort of happiness and self-worth in the end. Give me someone overcoming their traumas in such a way that they can at least have a good quality of life afterwards, even if the trauma will never leave, so long as they’re happy. I’m tired of YA novels that try and sell our generation and gen z the message that life sucks. Give me more hope, more heroes, more people making a difference because hell life is short so best make the most of it making a difference.

To quote GotG, why do I care so much about stories that revolve around saving the world, even if that world is just as small as a found family?

And my existence might as well be a happy one and have HOPE GOD DAMMIT.

TL/DR: If a book leaves me feeling like shit after reading it because it ends on a super shitty note, I’m generally not going to enjoy that book. And the fact that most YA novels these days that are given to highschoolers fall into this category is hot garbage when this is around the time they’re trying to find some sort of direction in life.

*Note: I realize that there are times and places for books that give more somber messages. Hell, I’ve even enjoyed some books with messages of such a tone. But media these days, and honestly for most of my life starting in mid to late teenage years (and maybe earlier) has started taking a turn towards the more depressing/somber stuff, and its overwhelming and just bad. And even back then when first reading it this was something I picked up on and didn’t enjoy. It just was not the right time in my life to hear a message so devoid of giving a shit.

Problem 3: Holden is honestly, super fucking creepy.

Okay, we back on the train of the actual book’s writing. Holden the dipshit is honestly, really fucking creepy. Towards women specifically. I have no direct quotes from the book specifically, but I DISTINCTLY remember the way he talked about women (or even young children/girls) being creepy as shit. Like, he waxes lyrical about his kid sister and her classmates and how innocent they are and how he wants to be the “Catcher in the Rye” to keep them innocent and to keep them from realizing how bad the world is. Great, lovely sentiment Holden. Except that the way you’re going about it comes across as being a pedophile. You’re at the very least sexist as fuck, because you’re objectifying the fuck out of people anyway.

That scene with the sex worker in the hotel room is also one I remember making me feel super uncomfortable. Not because the sex worker is there, but because uh, just, god, that whole scene gave me the creeps. Probably because I felt bad for the woman, coming into the room expecting to be paid for work and there’s just this kid who breaks the fuck down, tells her some depressing shit, and maybe pays her? (does he pay her? I can’t fucking remember, I’d like to think he does, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t, because he’s an ass.) Actually, bigger question IS HE EVEN OF AGE TO HAVE SEX WITH HER LEGALLY? HOW OLD IS THIS KID? HES STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL RIGHT?

…. so I looked it up, he’s 17. SEVENTEEN. HE IS A M I N O R. I’m like 99% sure that the woman he hires is like, twice his age at least. That’s straight up illegal.

god this just gets worse.

TL/DR: Holden is a 17 year old creep who comes off as a pedophile in the way he talks about kids, and also definitely hired a sex worker while he was underage. Idk if that was legal at the time this book was written, but if it was (and I doubt it), that has aged very poorly.

Problem 4: It’s got a lot of male fans who fall into that all too dangerous category of having Fight Club or Rick and Morty being their favorite bit of visual media.

Okay, again, not a problem of the book. But when the majority fanbase (or at least, the most vocal part) are a bunch of abusive men who don’t realize that the message they took away from a work of fiction is incredibly problematic? Or worse, know and don’t care because they think their take is superior? Uhhh, how do I say, big yikes.

Like, this could be your favorite book, whatever, that’s you, I don’t care, but if your reasoning for it is because Holden is, in your opinion, an unflawed idealized version of yourself/your ideals?

thats a nope from me bro.

———-

That’s all I can do off the top of my head without going in and reading the book again. Which I probably won’t do for a long time, because I don’t need to hear that struggling to make a place for yourself is dumb and proves you’re just “part of the machine, the man has made you his bitch.” while I’m still trying to y’know, get to where I want to go.

But there you go, four solid reasons why I really really do not like Catcher in the Rye.

#catcher in the rye #Me? make something short winded? never in my life #maybe I'll update this with findings if I ever go back and read it again #though #given that my ability to sit and read through things is basically null and void at this point that won't be for ages

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timeoutforthee · 6 years

Text

More Guardian Angel!Remy

“So be mean and get drunk? That’s what you my guardian angel is encouraging?”

“Yes. Be mean, get drunk, punch homophobes.”

Taglist: @scrapbookofsketches, @thekeytohappiness-is-you, @khadij-al-kubra, @beautifully-terribly

TW: one homophobic slur, slight violence, and drinking

Disclaimer: I don’t really know what I’m doing, but this story just keeps getting longer. So. Also this chapter was inspired by this amazing post by @awkward-turtle-patton

“You did what?”

“Oh my God, it’s totally not a big deal. The kid wanted proof. I lowered my sunglasses. Big deal.”

“Yes big deal! Very big deal!” Nate sighs and rubs his temples, “Remy, why are you like this?”

“Um, better question, why are you such a buzzkill?”

“Because I take my job seriously, Remy, unlike you-”

“Oh, just because I want my charges to work for their success instead of rearranging everything around them so that everything falls into their lap-”

“I don’t want my charges to suffer, Remy!”

“So instead you’ve just created waves and waves of self-entitled dickheads-”

“I should have gotten Virgil-”

“For fuck’s sake, it’s been 22 years, let it go-”

“If I had, he would have been a respected intern in an office right now-”

“He would have given up art, Nate!”

“So?!”

“If you would get your head out of your own ass-”

“Well at least my ass has wings!”

And, okay, rude. He definitely didn’t have to go there. Remy purses his lips, and even with the sunglasses, Nate can feel the glare behind them.

A guardian got their wings when they significantly changed the outcome of their charge’s life. Nate had made it his mission, as a guardian angel, to rearrange their lives until they had the most power possible. Remy was more focused on happiness, and honestly, who knew their own happiness better than the human? That’s why he stayed back and let them have most of the control. It’s also why he still didn’t have his wings yet.

Which he wasn’t bitter about. At all.

“Fine,” he said, “I’ll go back and check on Virgil.”

Virgil was going to be okay.

That was a mantra he had repeated to himself since day one, and now he had a guardian angel to confirm it. Which should, in theory, be comforting. Except he had found out that his guardian angel was kind of a mess, which was fitting, really, and Virgil couldn’t really judge. Still, maybe he should, like, pray or something and request a switch. Could he do that? He really should have asked more questions. Did it even matter who it was? How could he trust that a random guy could have his destiny all planned out?

Remy told him to trust fate. Until yesterday, he didn’t even believe in fate. He believed in choices and consequences. He made the wrong choice by studying art, and he was suffering as his consequence.

He gripped his beer a little tighter. He didn’t know why his co-workers had asked him to come out tonight. He didn’t particularly like any of them, and he had a feeling they didn’t really like him, either. But his choices for the night were either sulking in the bar or sulking at home. And he was getting really tired of his mother fluttering around him like he was a directionless teenager again. He was a directionless twenty two year old, thank you very much.

He tipped his bottle back and tried to change his line of thinking.

I’ve come a long way. Just to end up in the same place- I have friends. Who haven’t called- I have professors on my side, professors who believe in me. Too bad you’re disappointing them-

The bartender sat a glass filled with dark brown liquid in front of him. He furrowed his eyebrows.

“What’s this?”

“Black Russian,” the bartender replied, then he pointed, “From that guy.”

Virgil turned. There, lounging on a chair across from the bar, was Remy. His glasses were still in place, but his Starbucks cup was replaced with a wine glass.

He looked back at the bar. He needed some stupid angel magic to get him out of this mess. He needed to know why destiny put him back here. He needed something.

Remy didn’t offer him anything, except for this. A very, very human way to forget.

What the hell?

Virgil twisted in his seat, raising the glass. Remy raised his in response.

“Here’s to you, Remy,” then he downed it.

Oooooh, he was dead. Nate was absolutely going to kill him.

But, like, honestly? Worth it.

Virgil did not get drunk often. He was always so carefully guarded, and having all those walls come crumbling down in the blink of an eye was not something he actually wanted to do. Most of the time.

“It’s bullshit, if another entitled angry white man comes into the God damn store and asks me why ‘is card isn’ working I’mma scream. Sir, I am paid to take your money, my degree is in art how the everlovin’ fuck should I know the inner workin’s of a GAS PUMP?!” Virgil slurred as he stood on top of the bar.

The patrons were starting to become uncomfortable. Mainly because they were entitled, angry white men who definitely have told off someone in customer service at least once. The bartenders, however, seemed to be entertained, and were hesitant to yank him down.

Okay, also Remy had, like, a little bit of influence.

“And you know what else I hate?”

“Virgil, maybe you should-”

“Shhh!” Virgil said, raising a finger to his lips to cut off a co-worker, “I hate when pregnant mothers come in and buy cigarettes. Like, it’s 2018, are we still doing this? And like, fine, I guess you do you, but fucking secondhand smoke issa thing.”

Virgil trailed off as he stared in wonder at the ceiling. Remy noticed that the song in the background was changing. “I LOVE this song!”

Virgil slowly started swaying to the music. Remy clapped a hand over his mouth. He was so, so dead, but his human was having fun, and didn’t he deserve that?

However, it was brought to a halt when someone shouted “Fag!” at him from across the bar.

Virgil stopped and narrowed his eyes. He scanned the crowd until he landed on the guy, some rando with a trucker hat. He jumped off, with far more grace than he really should have, and stalked over to him.

As he got closer, the guy started to second guess if that was exactly a good idea. Virgil may have been lanky, but he was currently towering over him with a fire burning behind his eyes. They stared at each other for brief moment before Virgil swung and decked him. Between the punch and the surprise, the guy fell off the stool he was sitting on.

“Yes!” Remy cried, standing up. He technically should be against violence, but honestly? He was against homophobia more. Punch more homophobes, 2k18.

The bartenders headed over to kick Virgil out, but he just waved them off with a slurred “‘m goin’, ‘m goin’.”

His guardian angel followed him out, finding him sprawled on a patch of grass.

“V, honey? You good?”

“Mmmmhmmm. I’m stargazing,” he said, pronouncing his words carefully. Remy glanced up. Whoa. He had never really been on Earth at night time. He didn’t know the stars looked this beautiful. Pausing briefly, he laid down next to his human.

“Remy?”

“Hm?”

“I’m gonna regret this tomorrow, aren’t I?”

“Oh, honey, I don’t need to look into the future to see that.”

“D’you look into my future a lot?”

Remy sighs, “Kinda. I have a few charges, and they all have multiple outcomes based on life choices that they make everyday. I can’t look into every choice or option you have, especially since I know I probably won’t step in. But I always look at the major ones.”

“Thas a lotta big words fer you,” Virgil says, still staring at the sky.

“I’ve been around for centuries, doll, I can speak as fancy as I want to. I just don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“Oh my God, you sound like my coworkers. Like honestly? It’s not that deep. I talk like this because I want to. I drink Starbucks because I want to. I wear these sunglasses because I want to,” he pauses, “I may be an angel, but I’m not above enjoying humanity.”

“Y’know, I bet if I was sober, that’d be real deep.”

“I literally said it wasn’t that deep-”

“Shhhhh,” Virgil says, bringing a finger to Remy’s lips.

Okay. Maybe he should have cut Virgil off a little bit earlier.

Suddenly Virgil is moving his arms so that he’s hugging Remy to him. He lays his head on his shoulder.

“V? You good?”

“I don’ get hugs anymore, leave me ‘lone,” Virgil says, “So, how does the angel thing...work?”

“Okay, first, you have to be more specific. Second, work is boring and I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“D’you like it?”

Remy pauses, let’s silence hang in the air for a bit.

“Yes,” because he does. He doesn’t like some of his coworkers’ snide remarks or judginess. But he likes seeing humans rise to the occasion, likes seeing all the twists and turns their life could take, likes to see where they ultimately choose to go.

Virgil nods, his cheek rubbing against Remy’s shoulder. Actually, now that they’re cuddling, Remy can’t remember the last time someone hugged him. He reaches over and brushes a few purple locks off of Virgil’s forehead.

“Don’t do that, I’ll fall asleep…”

“Honey, I’ve seen your sleeping habits. You need it.”

“Ruuuuuuuuude,” Virgil says, then, “Why’re you here?”

“My boss was worried you wouldn’t be able to handle seeing an angel. It’s a lot for humans, sometimes.”

“Tell your boss I am a-ok.”

Remy laughs, “Considering the circumstances, I think he’ll have some other things to say.”

“Whaaaaat? You mean you’re not supposed to get drunk with your clients?”

“Okay, the only one drunk here is you, I was kicked out before the party started-”

“Wait, wait, wait-d’you make my coworkers invite me out tonight?”

“Nope, that was all them. I know you’ll find this shocking, but people like you, Virgil.”

“But I do not like them,” Virgil blinks, “Do they have tragic backstories? Should I be nicer?”

“You’re already nice-”

“Thanks, I have anxiety.”

“Uh, yeah, I’ve noticed. But honestly, you should try and get a liiiiittle bit meaner. Like, your comebacks are iconic, and it’s truly tragic I’m the only one that’s heard them.”

“So be mean and get drunk? That’s what you my guardian angel is encouraging?”

“Yes. Be mean, get drunk, punch homophobes.”

Virgil laughs.

“And, like, for realsies? Your co-workers have been through some stuff, but mostly, they’re just a result of living in this place. Call it a small town curse.”

Virgil nods, then quietly says, “Remy?”

“Yeah?”

“Am I gonna end up like them?”

“I already told you, V, there are bigger things in store for you.”

“I know,” Virgil yawns, “But I don’t believe you.”

“I’m not surprised,” Remy says. He glances down. Virgil is resting his head on his shoulder with his eyes closed. Remy sighs. He needs to give the kid some tiny spark of hope, enough to encourage him but minor enough that he doesn’t change the outcome of his life.

No pressure.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #guardian angel!remy #remy sanders #me @ me: hey did u know u can write without projecting #me @ me: lol sounds fake but ok #virgil sanders #my writing

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hyunjins-wife · 6 years

Text

|Pancake| A Bang Chan Scenario

Okkkkkkk this was requested by my beby @channiechanchan sooo here it is. I hope you like it Sonette. #SONAH5EVER

AND SHE REQUESTED THE MOODBOARD soooooooo I put them together...

Word Count: 1,986

Requested: yes

There are certain perks to being bestfriends with a CEO

You and Chan had been best friends since you were in diapers

Your mothers had gone through high school together and were each others maid of honor

Chan’s mom had him first

About a year before you

So he was almost a year older than you

But you two didn’t care

You were kids

You had gone to the same elementary school

But when it was time to go to middle and high school you ended up in different schools

Chan was home schooled

His dad opting to teach him the ins and outs of the family business that would become the multi million dollar company that it is today

You went to normal school and you were finishing up your junior year of college

You were majoring in accounting and had been looking for an internship for the summer

You had called Chan’s mom asking if she could talk to her husband about a position

But the news she gave you left you in shock

Chan had taken over the company a couple months ago

Meaning you were going to have to talk to him

Now there was a slight problem

You hadn’t talk to Chan in almost 6 months

Not that you didn’t want to talk to him

He just stopped answering your text and snapchats

So you jut let him be thinking he had been busy

Which apparently he was

Extremely busy

You thanked his mom and hung up the phone

You sat in your apartment for a moment wondering if you should actually call Chan

You decided to call his office number instead of his personal

You waited for someone to pick up and soon enough a woman picked up the other line

“Bang Enterprise, how may I help you?”

“Uh yes I need to speak to Chan”

“Yeah of course you do. I’m sorry but who is this?”

“Will you just tell him it’s pancake?”

“ok...…. hold on one second”

You get put on hold and sit for a moment kicking yourself at how crazy you sounded

Pancake was a nickname Chan had called you all through elementary and high school

You had called him waffle

Why?

Well when you were 7 and he was 8 he had asked you which you like better

You liked pancakes

He liked waffles

And so he started to call you pancake

You hear the phone picked back up and expected the woman to tell you to stop calling or something

But you were surprised to hear a familiar voice call out your nickname

“Pancake... It’s been a while”

You froze for a moment before you stuttered out a response

“Yeah, yeah it uhh has hasn’t it”

“I must say I was shocked when my secretary told me a pancake was calling me”

“Yeah sorry it was the first name that came to mind that I thought you would recognize”

“It’s fine, so, what did you call for”

“Oh yeah, well I was originally going to talk to your dad about this but I called your mom first and she told me you took over the company so I called you. I’m about to finish up junior year and I’ve been looking for an internship”

“Ohhh yes, accounting, hold on and let me see”

You sat for a moment and listened to him click away at his computer

“How would a job sound, Instead of an internship that you don’t even get paid for? I have an opening”

“No no that’s ok really I don’t want to intrude”

“Pancake we literally took baths together when we were kids, trust me you aren’t intruding. So how about you start Monday, meet me in my office at 8 and I’ll show you around and help you get settled”

“Ok yeah I’ll see you then. Thank you Chan”

“It’s no problem I’m glad to be able to have such a brilliant person join the company. I’ve missed you pancake we’ll have to get lunch and catch up. Oh I’ve got a meeting I’ll see you Monday, bye Love”

You sat with the phone to your ear for a minute or two as you tried to calm down the raging blush on your face

This was going to be interesting

You thought your cliché feeling for your childhood best friend had been forgotten

But man were you wrong

As soon as he had called you that old nickname your heart sped up and you knew you were still in deep

So Monday rolls around and you get ready and head to the company

You get off the elevator on the right floor and walk towards the secretary’s desk

You stand in front of the lady

She must have only been a year or two older you

She looked up at you

“Uhh I am supposed to meet Cha-”

“It’s Mr. Bang around here hun”

You stood shocked for a moment at the rude tone of voice she used to interrupt you

You were about to say something when the door at the end of the hall opened

You turned to see Chan basically sprinting at you

He collided with you while screaming

“Pancakeeeeeeee!!!!!!!”

You laughed as you reciprocated the hug Chan had wrapped you in

“Hey waffle, long time no see”

He broke away and smiled at you before grabbing your hand and pulling you in the direction that he had come

You walked into what you assumed was his office

And man what a room

It was simple but modern

His desk sat across from the door with a stone wall behind it

The walls were glass windows and the view was amazing

You turned to Chan to catch him already looking at you

“This is amazing”

“I’m glad you like it”

I really do”

“Good, because you’ll be in here a lot”

You look at Chan for a moment before he continues talking

“I said I have an opening. The opening is for my personal accountant. You will take care of everything important. From charity events to traveling and other things. But you’ll also deal with my personal account. I’m not smart enough to deal with it at this point”

You stood for a moment processing everything

This was your dream job

“I don’t know what to say other than thank you Chan. This is a dream come true”

“It’s no problem. Oh and your desk is over there. Since you’ll be dealing with the important stuff you’ll stay in here so nothing gets out that doesn't need to be out”

You nodded before heading toward your desk and setting your bag down

You turned back to Chan to see him already looking at you

“C’mon pancake it’s time for your tour”

You followed Chan out and toward the elevator

He stopped at the secretary’s desk

“We’re going to tour the company and then be out for the afternoon so you can leave whenever you like”

You watched as the secretary attempted to keep a conversation going but Chan said goodbye quickly and was leading you toward the elevator in under a minute

But you didn’t miss the dirty look the girl sent you

You knew she would be a problem

You toured the building and met several people

There were a bunch of people and you were amazed by how smooth everything was running

Chan knew what he was doing

You walked around for a couple of more hours

You were on the elevator again when Chan told you where you were going next

“Where do you want to eat lunch? I was thinking barbecue”

“That’s fine I don’t care. Whatever you want”

“Alrighty then barbecue it is”

He led you to his car and opened the passenger door for you

You thanked him and got in

You got there quickly

The place was only around the corner from the building

You went in and got seated quickly

There wasn’t really anyone there

You and Chan didn’t stop talking for the rest of the day

After lunch he took you around to the little shops that surrounded the company

You missed him

And he missed you just as much

You finally got back up to his office and grabbed your bag

“Goodnight Chan. I had a great time. Maybe tomorrow I can get some real work done”

“Yeah but where’s the fun in that? Kidding. I’ll see you tomorrow pancake”

You smiled and walked to the door

But before you could walk out Chan said something else

“I’m glad you called me. I missed you, a lot”

“I missed you too Chan”

You smiled at each other for a couple more seconds and then you turned and left

You got back to your apartment 10 minutes later and flopped onto your bed

“Bang Chan stop this right now. I can’t fall for you again“

But you knew you were already in way too deep

But what you didn’t know was that Chan was laying in his apartment thinking the exact same thing as you

He had fallen for you and now he was screwed

He could never hide a secret well

Although your obliviousness helped a lot

So a couple weeks go by and you and Chan just got closer

You had walked into the office on a Tuesday morning when his secretary stopped you

Over your first couple of weeks you had figured out several things about her

She likes Chan

She see’s you as a threat

And she is just really rude

You asked her what she needed

“I don’t know who you think you are but you will never have a chance with Chan. Why would he like a pig like you anyways?”

“Well I do like barbecue so I guess that helps”

You turned to see Chan standing there giving the girl the scariest look you had ever seen

“I expect everything out of your desk by the end of the day, your fired”

Your jaw dropped

Before anything could be said Chan had grabbed your hand and dragged you into the office

“I’m sorry if I had figured it out sooner she would have been gone a lo-”

“Chan it’s ok. She didn’t bother me. I found it hilarious that she felt so threatened by me”

HE looked at you for a moment before crossing the room to you

You went to say something but he grabbed your face and closed the distance between the two of you

The kiss was intense

He pushed you backwards without breaking contact

You felt your back hit your desk

He grabbed your waist and hauled you onto the desk

You broke away and burst into laughter

He looked at you for a moment before you calmed down

“I’m sorry. It’s not that I don't want to kiss you. It’s just this is the most cliché thing that has ever happened. Like I thought falling for my child hood bestfriend was cliché. But this, this takes the cake”

“Yeah I guess it I pretty lame, but you fell for me?”

“Yeah. I mean how could I not. You should have know. I let you call me pancake even though I hate nicknames for the most part. But I love that you call me that”

“Oh well I guess I’m a bit oblivious”

“Yeah and you try to call me the oblivious one”

You both laughed for a moment before you went quiet

You looked back at each other and Chan leaned down a kissed you again

This time it was soft and sweet

It told you everything he felt

And your heart felt like it was going to burst

You broke away and stood up off the desk

“So waffle, now what?”

“How about a date”

“Sounds good to me. What do you want to do?”

“How about we go for barbecue?”

“Really?”

“Whattttttt I”m hungry”

“Of course you are. C’mon then piggy lets go”

OKKKKKKK Here is your early birthday present Sonette. I hope you liked it:333333- Kenah<3</p>

Masterlist

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xz017 · 5 years

Text

oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???

got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker

the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.

her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like

basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that

girl be actin homeless---mood

so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like

‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’

n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao

‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’

i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao

anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!

cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke

i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that

but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me?????????????????????

um...no one

like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway

cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’

n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE

n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.

n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time

n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate

and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve

n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset

cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck

deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts

n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT

n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO

n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS

n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually

n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive

n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like

no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here

n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...

cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane

n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more

n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican

and she gave me a sideeye

but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right

im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?

im scared.

like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race

n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen

like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?

my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school

n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh

im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist

i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule

like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack

wat is the truth rip

the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.

my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow

n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.

which is ye know good for her rip.

i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities

like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like

binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye

n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm

mine is for science n validity

hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...

bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip

but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?

im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???

prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???

what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.

i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.

that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.

n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip

i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man

meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip

god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly

# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me

now im sad

im dead.

omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’

DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready

like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love

the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love

the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness

but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh

bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip

meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...

i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do

but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble.

bitter but like...humble

‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’

‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’

‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’

oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?

had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.

my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni

rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you

n she was like so no children then:(

n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro

but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?

anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...

sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji

rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh

At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that

then she was like ew nO

then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card

which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.

so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth

but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?

really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.

nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR

rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand

i miss the gays

i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well

add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand

n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--

n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’

n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’

n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip

Big sand honestly.

it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand

i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8

#personal tea #read more only #entry

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