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JW4: Symphony of Carnage
If you haven't been paying attention, John Wick IS BACK!
The GOAT of Assassins! The Boogeyman! And the Best Husband Ever!
What spouse out there wouldn't want their significant other going on a killing spree after they die, all in the name of...
...
why has he been doing all of this killing again? - doesn't matter. Many have said to their loved ones that they'd kill for them, but how many of them can prove that as John Wick has??
Btw, do we know anything about John Wick's wife (Helen)?
What kind of person marries an assassin? I'm just sayin... she might not have been as saintly as we're led to believe. But, that doesn't matter - we know the story:
John Wick's possibly shady wife dies, but beforehand, gave John a puppy... and bad guys killed that puppy (”bad guys” worse than the GOAT of Assassins) - now JW has to kill four movies worth of people. He could have been a good Christian and forgave, but BLEEP that! He's more Old Testament - "eye for an eye" - or eye for your life, your whole family, associates, and the lives of most of the people who live on your block.
THE GOAT!
(TIME OUT: There are a lot of angry, sad, frustrated, confused people out there. Some of you might be overwhelmed by all of that and say to yourselves
“John Wick and I are a lot alike; we’re both mad and want to selfishly take out our pain on others.” Allow me to remind you that you are NOTHING like John Wick. JW is a calm, collected, honorable, trained assassin going after murderous psychopaths in the criminal underworld. Keanu Reeves is a sweet, humble man who is very VERY rich. You are nothing alike.
If need be (when life gets overwhelming) please get some professional help. There are way too many people in the real world trying to take out their personal demons with physical/verbal violence on others. If professional help is too costly, then your friendly neighborhood Praphit is here for you. For the low cost of maybe a beer or two, these unprofessional yet praphitic ears are here for you, so you don’t do something horrible. Ok. TIME IN :)
That “time out” being said, a movie where John Wick forgives, seeks therapy, trusts in the law for justice, and moves on with a healthy life would make an awfully boring movie plot.
GET’EM, JOHN WICK!
GET’EM!
KILL!
Of course, it's not just about his personal kills - John has interrupted the lives of his friends with his killing spree as well.
(lost everything)
(lost everything)
(risked everything)
Not to mention all of the stray bullets flying through heavily populated buildings in which John Wick is doing his thang.
How much is too much?
In this 4th installment, The Board of Crime Lords have asked themselves that very question, and have decided that John Wick is too unruly to stay alive. Old white conservatives understand this - WE NEED LAW AND ORDER! so they elect Bill Skarsgard to get the job done.
well, not himself... he's not going to get his hands too dirty; he's more like management. Can you picture Bill doing martial arts training for this movie?
No, right?? Yeah, he couldn't picture that either. He was like "BLEEP that! I'll just wear killer suits and talk on the phone a lot in a French accent."
And he does that well. Work smart, not hard. Ain’t that right, Bill??
There's so much killing in this movie! So... so very much... and it is AWESOME.
But, it's not just about the killing, it's also about how John Wick survives.
You've heard people say stuff along the lines of "God isn't done with you yet."
When it comes to John Wick, it's been more like God is rooting for John Wick; like He’s got money riding on John Wick.
Like Death keeps trying to run out to John, but God keeps stopping Death, and saying "Wait, I want to see how this plays out."
We've seen him fall off a couple buildings (not just fall and splat, but fall, bang his head a few times on his way down, and then splat),
he's been hit by several cars (sometimes while in a car himself, but most of the time, not), he's been shot, stabbed, sliced, he fell down thousands of steps (literally) in this movie - doesn't matter. John Wick will die when he's good and damned ready to die.
This movie is the climax of a symphony of carnage. It's been a crescendo of killing!
Think about the ride we've been on with John:
he's killed with pencils, swords, Lord knows how many bullets to the head he's dished out, he's killed with vehicles, he's killed people with horses, a library book.... yeah, a BLEEPING LIBRARY BOOK, he's engaged in knife-throwing fights, ax-throwing fights, and now in this one he doesn't even need his own weapon, he'll just steal yours and kill you with it - rockin nunchucks, setting people on fire, killing people with cupcakes... he didn't do that last one, but it wouldn't have surprised me if he had.
BEST ACTION MOVIE EVER! If John Wick Chapter 4 were a steak dinner, every bite of this beautifully choreographed film would be delicious.
I'm licking my plate!
Don't ask any questions though:
Don't wonder why this secret underworld of assassins does so much killing in public.
When you get to the part when Bill Skarsgard chooses some blind dude (played by Donnie Yen) to lead his team against John Wick, don't think on it.
As badass and handicapable as IP Man is, it's a questionable decision.
Bill needs to not only hire someone who can find JW (who takes out armies with a knife and a pistol), but someone who can sneak up on JW and beat him in combat... sure, go hire the retired , old blind dude.
Don't ask where all of the law enforcement are... there were some in the 1st movie, but...
Don't ponder on how/why 80% of the people in this universe appear to be assassins.
And certainly don't ask why no media outlets are covering this story. I know we love our celeb news, Trump news (indictment, baby!), and the royal family, but perhaps all of that should be pushed aside.
Imagine you're at the club
when all of a sudden bodies start dropping, with bullet holes through their knees, chests, and heads.
Most news outlets would care about that as it happens for like the eighth time this week, but.... it's just another day, apparently.
DON’T ASK! Just enjoy the movie.
My only complaint is that it's a lil long. You kinda feel it in the last 40 mins or so (it's almost 3 hrs long).
I was never bored, but... you know?? - I got stuff to do. But, as soon as I'm about to look at the time, something pops on the screen to recapture my attention. Whether it's John kung-fuing his way thru traffic, or a cool video game-like angle of JW blowing people away, or THIS lady (Rina Sawayama)
stabbing a dude 20 some times while he's trying to get away. He had stopped fighting her a while ago, but it was too late. He's in a John Wick movie and his name ain't John Wick.
I loved Rina btw (she plays Akira and a real-life musician:). I hope we get more of her.
Some complained about Keanu's acting. Some say it got worse somehow. I would never say such a thing, cuz he's my guy.
But, are those people right?
I'll say this - I was concerned about his running in the 3rd movie. He was running like he had to pee; it was confusing.
But, in THIS movie, he's running like a pro. I think he traded in his acting coach for a running coach. But, he has far more moments of running than he has lines, so he chose wisely. Way to go, Keanu. He doesn't need to sell lines when he's selling ass whupins.
THE GOAT!
Grade: A+
After four movies, with this one probably being the last one... I wonder what the lesson was in all of this carnage.
I think I've stumbled across it:
WALK AWAY!
Akira says at some point "Everything John Wick touches, dies." The people listening to her had a chance to leave, but nobody listened to her, and... yep. It was not pretty.
WALK AWAY!
In four movies none of these assassins who are going after JW ever stop and say "Nope. I'm outta here."
I mean if it were me, and I was an assassin going after him (1st of all I never would, but... )... seeing him kill like 30 trained assassins... looking at their bodies all mangled as he pulls out a picture of his wife and kisses it, before he walks towards me with a knife and library book, i'd be like "NAH! I'm done!" And I'd WALK AWAY.
It's ok to walk away, people. Don't be stupid. And If you must be an assassin (a horrible career choice, mind you), don't go after other assassins who don't seem to die.
Stick to fat, slow, dumb people.. who kinda wanna die.
BUT, most won't do that. Most won't walk away. Most will say to themselves and anyone else around, who's still alive "I got this."
Now, this is happening.
Big dummies.
#JohnWick#JohnWickChapter4#johnpraphit#praphitproductions.com#violence#shooting#therapy#mentalhealth#Praphit#KeanuReeves#lifelessons#assassins#Rinasawayama#actionmovies#moviereviews#kungfu#symphony#revenge
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Music and Shiiii_2/26/19 - The Diddy of Christian Music & Colonic - BLAOW!
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JACOB by Praphit
TRACKLIST:
Gospel Good ©
Gospel Good LIVE ©
All I Need ©
The Only One ©
JESUS ©
Beautiful ©
For All ©
How Dare We Not Praise?? ©
Come and See ©
PS 67 ©
Still ©
Wrestling with God ©
Cry out to God ©
Jacob ©
All tracks written and produced by John Praphit
BUY : )
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Baltimore Churches: TWT
Baltimore Churches - That Worship Thang Church - John Praphit
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Black Widow: It should have been Hawkeye
Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been a long road to get here.
"Black Widow" starts after "Civil War", which was about five years ago, but even before that... like WAY before -
The People:
"Everybody else has their own movie! Where's Black Widow's?! "Iron-Man" of course, "Thor" a god who comes to earth? - yeah, been done (by every religion!), The Hulk got movies and they sucked! Hawkeye? - who gives a shit?? but the one WOMAN in the group can't get a movie! Bleep you, Marvel!" (the people had a lot to say).
Marvel: "What?! We're not sexist! I mean.... maybe this guy is
(google it), but not us! And don't say Iron-Man 2. There's nothing wrong with that outfit.
C'mon!
I know it was a lil tight around biscuits, but that's the only size we had! We told her that she could unzip as much as she wanted to give her some heavy breathing space.
What do you people want from us??!"
The People: "A Black Widow Movie!"
So, after all of the men got their movies, and Scarjo's character died, they started working on BW's film :)
Then, COVID happened, and now FINALLY, for the low price of 30 bucks, you can watch it on Disney plus.
In case you forgot about "Civil War", Tony Stark was being a butthead, and allowed his team/family to be locked up. They hadn't caught Black Widow yet, so this old lead agent... guy (what's his face....
Ha! I just looked up his name... "Thunderbolt Ross". Thunderbolt?!
Ha! aaaaah, his mustache is more worthy of that nickname than he is...) said "Where's the sexy one of the group? - she should be easy to catch."
His subordinates: "Capt?? We still don't know, sir. But, I doubt he'll be EASY to catch."
Thunderbolt (Ha! aaah): "No, fool! The woman! - who's uniform doesn't fit!"
Tony Stark: "Black Widow? - she went that way."
They tracked her down to some bathroom, and that's where our story starts - with Scarjo on the toilet. I'm joking, but how great would that be??:)
I imagine that this wouldn't even be allowed. You know how certain action heroes have it in their contracts that they're not allowed to lose a fight in their films?? - I bet Scarjo has it in her contract that she's not allowed to be put in unattractive situations.
Case in point, there are a couple of times in this movie where BW's nose is bleeding from fighting - still looking good though (somehow).
Think about being on a date and your guy/gal’s nose starts bleeding... yeah, not attractive.
Of course they can't catch BW, cuz she's a freaking Avenger! She escapes and ends up down memory lane, where she reunites with her other "family".
David Harbour (who's great in this), as The Red Guardian.
Pretty much a pudgy, Russian version of Captain America. That, my friends, is the beard and gut of Russia.
Rachel Weisz,
the super smart mama, who forcefully teaches pigs to act like dogs and humans (you'll see).
And Florence Pugh - (Yelena),
who's just as bad ass as her sister BW. She's got a bit of a death wish though.
As far as villains - there's this RPOS (real piece of shit) named Dreykov, whom I'll get to in a sec. And Taskmaster,
who's kinda like if Skeletor and Snake Eyes had a baby, and that baby grew up to obsess over the Avengers' fighting styles (TaskyMasky has the special ability to mimic anyone's fighting moves).
"TaskyMasky"? Nickname? No? We'll move on.
Add prison breaks, explosions, car crashes, lots of jumping out of windows, and women with knives moving very fast, and you've got one of the most badass movies of the year!
Back to Dreykov (RPOS)- he's been picking up young girls around the world and forcing them to go through his “training program” to be his mindless assassins (and God knows what else). He has their minds controlled by some sort of serum.
There's a solid amount of dark content to chew on here, but they're able to do so with levity.
Here's a note for DC's movie universe:
This film deals with the horror of what I just described, abandonment, lots of family issues, guilt (cuz BW has done some things and some stuff), fighting for control over your life, and yet... I never feel the need for an antidepressant).
If this were DC, we'd soak in these issues. Batman has been unloading the death of his parents on us for decades.
When you gonna come out of the shadows and dance again, Batman?!
"BW" is able to make you feel how serious these problems are, but also able to keep the escapism train moving.
The action in this movie is on point! I have to say that it's way better than "F9" (which I recently saw).
The fighting is slick and even the car chases/crashes are better than "F9"
TaskyMasky (you're right, it sucks), is scary. TM reminded me of Michael Myers a bit. You're alone watching movies and eating ice cream when all of a sudden there's this demon staring at you.
I don't want to keep comparing it to "F9", but BW and Yelena must have went to the same action hero school that Vin Diesel went to.
They're both on that diet that makes their bones rubber, and their skin fireproof.
And what's the deal with Black Widow always jumping down from crazy high heights, with no plan on how she's eventually going to land?
Maybe SHE’S the one with the death wish... and that wish was eventually granted
(not too soon still, right? - Smh. They even made her death posh).
The Matrix -like acrobatics and unbreakable bones stuff didn't bother me, but the ending did a lil bit.
The ending gets silly and sloppy.
I give BW Batman-type passes, because again, she's a freaking Avenger! But, c'mon, writers...
There's a point when everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is blowing up AND falling to the ground from way up in the air.
None of the characters know how this will all land, and that's how the ending feels as well. It's like they sobered up, and said to themselves "Crap, we still need an ending. Bleep it, we'll just write some random stuff and have Scarjo do some heroic poses... it'll be fine."
And her poses are great,
but... no, it will not be "fine".
There's something that happens with the RPOS that made me literally LOL.
BW also engages in a lot of stupidity towards the very end. Plus, Marvel has been developing a habit of brushing horribly acts done by their "heroes" under the rug.
BUT, despite all of this, I'd still say this is one of my top ten... not just Marvel movies, but action movies in general. I'll grade it some what by wild action movie standards.
Good stuff!
Grade: B+ Makes me sad once again that BW is no longer with us. We can all admit it. We're all thinking the same thing - it should have been Hawkeye.
I didn't mention my main man Olatunde Olateju Olaolorun Fagbenle! His friends call him O.T.
He plays some dude named Rick.
Rick finds himself in BW's friend zone. This film taps at a bunch of emotional notes, but none so sad as the delusional note that Rick believes he's actually gonna get any from BW.
He's trying though.
He hooks her up with fake I.D.'s, transport (a frickin Jet), cool weapons, pertinent info, a place to stay, and all FOR FREE!
I'm sure he's saying to himself "Sure, I'm going broke and the FBI are now after me for helping her, but (as he looks at that bod, now covered up in clothes that fit her properly) it'll all be worth it.
She knows damn well what she's doing! Out of all of the sins from her past as an assassin (and there are A LOT of them... my God) this might be the coldest one. Forget booty action, not a peck on the cheek, not a hug, not even a hand shake! I'm trying to think if she even ever said "thank you". She did kick him once while he was sound asleep, to wake him up. Maybe that's all he needs to keep fueling his delusion.
I hope that he eventually sent her a bill for services. He's the true tragedy of this story.
#Black Widow#Scarlett Johansson#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#Movie Reviews#Marvel Comics#praphit#action movies#f9#david harbour#hawkeye#friendzone#sexism#joss whedon
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A message from Reverend Candyman
Before I even entered the theater, I was mad. I was mad due to certain people on social media stating that this film is "too woke", "super-woke", "BLM propaganda", etc, etc.
I'm not saying that they're right or wrong, at this point, but how did those people not know what they were getting into?
Did they not watch any "Candyman" films before this? Do they not know of Jordan Peele's previous film productions? Have they never seen any of Key & Peele? It's mostly race stuff!
Some of them were probably only hate-watching. There a re a handful of pundits I like to hate-watch. Sometimes, getting heated by their takes fuels my work days. But, I know what I’m doing to myself... *smh* but these people.
I didn't stay mad for long though, because Nia DaCosta, the director of "Candyman", is on point! This whole movie, strictly from a cinematic view, is very cool.
How bout that?? "The Rambling Praphit says Candyman is VERY COOL." :)
She'll be working on the next Capt Marvel movie.
Most people did not like that movie (I'm excluded from that crowd). Marvel is so scared of the public's dislike of that movie, that they're not even calling it "Capt Marvel 2". It's just called "The Marvels"; leaving the first movie's "captain" as far away from the title as they could.
I bring this up, cuz after watching "Candyman", I have high hopes for "The Marvels".
In the trailer we see some shadow puppet type action going on to tell Candyman's story.
So, if you haven't seen the 1992 film, you can get mostly caught up.
A creative way to knock out exposition.
They still didn't get into why Candyman rocks a pimpish coat. Or why he's called "Candyman". I mean... they address the name, kinda... (Razor blades in candy - also seen in the trailer) but there's a bit of a hole in the timeline of that story. Plus, how would Candyman (a vengeful spirit) even have the time or patience required to put razor blades in hard candy?
If he were an actual pimp named "Candyman", it would make more sense... but anyway...
The main character (Anthony, played by Yahya Adbul Mateen II)
needed more of Candyman's story , so he went into the depths to find more horror, and he found it.
Now, there's a white woman, who's the main character in the 1992 version, who does the same thing, and... let's just say things end poorly for her, and Anthony is foolishly following in her footsteps.
He's a broke visual artist, but thankfully he's got himself a suga mama (played by Teyonah Parris) ,
a not-so-broke art gallery director named Brianna.
Lesson number one, you broke artists - gym membership.
Follow the path of Yahya. He’s the only hard candy mama needs! Keep that suga mama money coming to fuel your art.
I appreciate this couple though - a lot of times (in movies) we see black couples where the woman is struggling to feed the kids with like 3 or 4 jobs, while the man juggles cheating on her, being involved with drugs, and dreaming of one day being the greatest rapper there ever was. We've been there and done that with black movie couples enough.
But, Candyman can't allow this couple to be too happy, so the killing begins!
Say his name 5 times! He dares you! After the fifth time, he appears to brutally kill you.
What kind of game is that? I could see if it was a 50/50 chance - win some money or die, but straight up 100% death?
Who would play such a game??
"Let's go to the top of a snowy, slippery mountain. Let's slide down it with crazy speed and immovable objects in our way." Who’s game?
(white people)
"Let's take a detour through the woods, at night, right pass the area where those teenagers were murdered, LAST NIGHT... I don't think they ever caught the perp. Oh, well... let's go!" Who’s going?
(white people)
So, who will play the candyman name game? - white people, of course :)
I heard someone say that Candyman is only killing white people. That’s not true #1, but #2 - they’re the ones mostly playing this game.
No, this isn't just some movie about a black, pimpish, man with a hook, killing white people.
We've got story as well.
Three parts to this story, actually:
The look -
Which I mentioned is great! The gruesome horror elements and the killings are well done.
In fact, the kill scenes are so good that I wanted to see more of it. A lot of the kills effectiveness come from NOT showing you the gore. There's plenty gore as well, but the balance of times when you have to imagine what's happening as people scream is also dope.
The horror part to the film is kinda slowed down though by the social commentary. part to the film:
The 1992 film has this as well, but it's more subtle, and flows with the story better. This... well, I can see why some hyper-sensitive conservatives might cry "wokeism!" I disagree with their sentiment, but I get it. If this movie had come out before 2020, perhaps the feeling would be different.
There's a scene that's directly addressing gentrification. It's a group of four people (three black people and a white dude) talking. The movie shows how the seemingly enlightened and likable white dude was involved in the convo, but still didn't really get it.
Perhaps that's how they see a lot of their audience with this, cuz there's no subtlety going on here at all. It's more of an "F U" at times.
It's effective hate-watching though.
Lastly there's the psychological part to the movie.
Something has clearly gone wrong inside of Anthony, and no one seems to be taking it all that seriously.
Something is also wrong outside of Anthony as well.... as seen in the trailer, he gets stung by a bee. One of those Candyman Bees! (Not a thing, but it should be)
It's... maybe... infected (they never really explain), and gets worse and worse.
Why doesn't anyone demand that he go to the doctor?! Not even his suga mama says anything! You know damn well, that no matter how sexy one may be, if you've got some sort of creepy Candyman infection, that's gonna mess up that sexy-suga-money flow, y'all feel me??
And if there is some sort of ghostly infection, shouldn't we be more scared of the bees than even Candyman?
He only appears when you say his name! The bees on the other hand...
I guess it's kinda real though - I could certainly see people these days getting "the candyman infection" I speak of, and saying proudly "It's not real! And I will NOT be treated!" while waving a flag, with their clearly infected hand.
These three parts collide, sloppily. It's funny, cuz the film, as I said, is heavy-handed with hot topics, but the story (particular in the third act) will confuse you. I mean, I get it, cuz I saw the original film, but had I not... ???
There's a scene when Candyman is summoned and he proceeds to kill a bunch of cops. THEY didn't even summon him! They said “Defund the Police” not kill’em!
Idk if Candyman had been listening to nothing but Louis Farrakhan and Marvel’s Kilmonger nonstop during 2020, and it's all spilling over or what?? Some people are overachievers.
Then he says "Spread my message"
What message is that?!
Imagine if you say my name 5 times, and I appear in your kitchen, drink all of your beer, walking into your living room, and pee in the corner... then I say to you, before disappearing "Spread my Message".
You'd be like "What the hell?"
Despite this movies' flaws, I still enjoyed it. The social commentary really is important to the times we're living in, and should still be discussed, and not just discussed, by acted on.
Plus, I truly am impressed by director Nia DaCosta. I do recommend that you see it, but you should probably watch the 1992 one first.
Or who knows what message you'll leave with :)
Grade: generous B-
I doubt that there'll be a sequel, but if there is one, i really do hope that we can finally get to the bottom of this name thing.
With Candyman, I'm still thinking drug dealer. It's not that scary of a name. Maybe CandyHOOK! Hooks wielded by maniacs are always scary.
No? Yeah, it does make me think his hook is made out of candy.
With the bees involved, perhaps "Bee Guy", or "Bee King", but... they're not really his thing. Plus, that's lame, and kinda sounds like he's buddies with Ant-Man. That could hurt his street cred.
The 1992 film gets into a honey type of scenario as to the etymology. But, then, it should be "Honey Man", right? - that sounds kinda like a gigolo though. But, perhaps this is a good thing! That gives me an idea that could add some surprise to this whole name game thang!
Call his name 5 times and either receive drugs, murder, a confusing sermon, or sweet, sweet lovin.
Now, that's a game!
#candyman#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#Horror Movies#Movie Reviews#praphit#the marvels#captain marvel#nia dacosta#gentrification#white people#cops#blm#yahya abdul mateen ii#teyonah parris#gigolo#jordan peele
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Godzilla vs Kong: A Good Christian Film
It was Easter weekend, so I had wanted to check out a good Christian film. There is some new hotness out there called "A Week Away".
It's a musical, about a troubled teen, who breaks the law; his options are then to either go to juvie or go to a Christian camp.
Obviously, this teen would be white:) It's a spellbinding tale about right and wrong, about Jesus, and from the looks of the poster, it's also about some Christian booty - and the power thereof to save this young man's soul.
I was all set to watch it, but somehow "Godzilla vs Kong" ended up on my screen instead.
Weird, right??
But, I can find Jesus in any movie. I was sure I could find Him in this movie too, so I let this weird phenomenon take me:)
The trailer of G vs K had me hyped!
Godzilla and Kong, going WWE in various cities as their ring. I'm sold!
Then, they said "and here's the cast!" I really didn't care about the cast. I mean... let's say that a young Mike Tyson, time travels to 2021 and says he wants to fight Conor McGregor.
Young Time Traveling Mike Tyson vs McGregor??!! Are you kidding me??!!
The world would literally stop as these two fought (aka Tyson murdering McGregor in the ring).
And then, the promoters spent all their time hyping Mike and Conor's training staff, and the ref, and the people calling the fight, and why these two are fighting - WHO CARES?!
Some fights don't require much promo.
Unless they're going to interview Kong and Godzilla (and how great would that have been??), idc.
But, this movie sure does, so let's go through them, briefly:
Rebecca Hall -
I love her! I don't care about her in this movie, but I love her. She is the top smarty-pants scientist who's out there trying to manage this big thing(Kong). She's kinda like Dr. Fauci.
There's a cute,little deaf kid who everyone tells me is special.
I'm not going to make fun of this character, though
I'd really like to, because she does some silly things. But, what kind of asshole makes fun of a cute, little deaf kid??
Alex Skarsgard -
He's eye-candy. Fun Fact: he learned sign language, so he could better communicate with Kaylee Hottle (cute, little deaf kid - who in real life, is a cute, little deaf kid). That's awesome! - he's still simply eye-candy.
Eiza Gonzalez -
They needed a Hispanic person on the team.
Millie Bobby Brown -
Her character is annoying, boring, and disrespectful to her dad (a triple threat). She kept referencing the last Godzilla movie (which in it, apparently, her and her dad had issues), as if anyone watched/remembers that movie.
Annnnnd there's a crazy black guy in this
- he's kinda like Alex Jones.
More interested now? Nah, me either.
Can we please get to the fight now?!
Nope, gotta talk about "the why?" first:
You see...
...
Godzilla... um... see, there's some sort of energy that... we need, cuz ya gotta have energy, right?? So, Kong... he... *sigh* damn.
He's tracking the energy, but Godzilla is big like Kong, so... there was a war a long ago? Some rich dude is building some THING... there's a planet and a tunnel... and Kong has axe. Boom! PLOT!
Kong works with the humans a lot here, which doesn't make much sense. It seems to me that the humans are doing just as much damage to him as Godzilla.
Again, I don't care. Just say that Godzilla said Kong's mama is fat and ain't got no teeth, and that would have been enough for me.
An axe though??? What the hell??
JUST FIGHT!
When they finally do fight, it's very cool!
They fight in the water.
There's an epic battle at the end on some surreal planet full of butt eaters. Not joking, there's a scene where some creature swoops down and starts eating some dude's butt. I hope we learn more about Butteater Planet some day.
Like I said, Kong has an axe (and it's magical... yep)
And there's some Mortal Kombat-type action that goes on as well.
I loved the fighting, but it was only about 7-10 mins of the movie (and I'm probably being generous).
The other hour and fifty minutes are about the cast and "the plot". It's called Godzilla vs Kong, dammit!
That's all I need! It's the only reason I'm there! It's the only reason I didn't watch a privileged white boy sing songs about how he found love (in his loins) at a Christian Camp!
I recommend fast-forwarding through to the fights.
Better yet, just find the fights on Youtube. Trust me, the rest of the movie doesn't matter.
The fights are dope,
but not enough in comparison to all of the bullshit surrounding them.
I would have rather have had 30 mins of fighting, maybe a couple of breaks for them to sit down, drink some water, and get coached up... maybe have some comedians commentate (Chappelle and Burr, maybe), and right back to it. If they do this again, tell the actors to get out of the way!
Grade: D-
I think I found the Jesus in this though:
Many pay attention to church twice a year. A lot of long drawn-out services. BUT, you can skip around, to get to the good stuff if you'd like.
If you want the gospel - BOOM John 3:16 - now you don't even need to sit through the service (and what makes a long service longer? - watching it online as many did to escape The Ronas)
If you want your shot of religion, so as to not feel guilty until Christmas, then skip the Catholic services, skip the "Black churches" , cuz if you don't, you'll be streaming that service all day and all night. Find that little church, who doesn't have a staff or musicians yet, their tech might not even work right for the live broadcast, the feed could go out on you, but hey... it still counts for that Easter credit.
My point is, Jesus doesn't want you to waste your time, so don't watch this movie. Amen?
Amen.
#godzilla vs kong#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#monsters#Movie Reviews#praphit#king kong#godzilla#rebecca hall#millie bobby brown#dave chappelle#bill burr#wwe#fighting#a week away#christian movies#easter
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F9: What does Absurdity even mean anymore?
Due to COVID, I thought that my last movie theater experience was going to be "Bad Boys For Life". I'm happy to say that if I died today, I would be telling souls in Heaven that "F9" was the last movie I saw on the big screen (I'm sure that films are big talking points in the after life).
There weren't too many people there:
There was a woman coughing in the corner; I barely looked at her. I imagined that COVID was mugging her, and I didn't want to be a witness, and so have COVID come after me next. I'm vaxxed, but still I was thinking of ways to distract COVID, so I could enjoy the film.
There was an old couple sitting up front (like REALLY OLD... sitting UP FRONT... Ha! that's awesome). Awesome or not, I was going to point them out if COVID came after me. There were two obese kids sitting a few rows behind me that I could also point out, as well as my friend that I was sitting next to... what?? Look, they would ALL want me to escape, so I could bring my "F9" review to the people!
WHAT??!
Let's not talk about my survival skills, let's talk some Vin & the Fam - that's why we're here!
It took a while for me to remember what was going on:
Dom (Vin), Letty (M. Rod), and their... kid? Oh, right, they have a kid, and they moved on to start a new life together.
Didn't the real mom die or something?? Idk. You've got the British lady from "GOT" still hanging out with Luda and Tyrese.
(they so crazy)
"Hobbs and Shaw" are still gone
(making their own money, cuz bleep family!).
Brian (Paul Walker's character - rip) is apparently, now everyone's babysitter. So, if anyone in this gang, who could die on any of these missions, ever have kids, they can just send them off to Nanny Brian's.
There's a dude named Mr. Nobody who sometimes sends the gang on secret spy missions.
Oh, and people in the gang keep coming back from the dead. Boom! We're caught up with this absurdity. That's actually what I asked for when I got to the movies
"Give me one ticket for Absurdity please."
In this batch of the absurd, we find out that Dom has a brother, and he's John Cena (Jakob).
Charlize Theron is back! That must have been the worst bet that she has ever lost. I consider her to be one of the most underrated and underappreciated actors we've got, but movies like these ain't helping that case.
And who's idea was it to give her that haircut? - part of the bet she lost, I suppose.
It was reported that the gang goes into space (at least two of them do).
Annnnd the X-Men Jet is back!
(it really does look like that - Wolverine included)
Seriously, after the X-Men's last two movies (which were turrrible), I was expecting them to crossover for a fresh start. Why not?? They're a spy team now, that goes to space! - nothing should be off the table.
They're looking for two halves of some... war sphere?? If put back together with some key... idk... John Cena rules the world.
Remember when Vin and the gang were all about street racing, money, survival, and brown booty? - those were simpler times!
But, why discuss the plot? Seriously, why? None of it makes any sense. From Dom and Letty living like Amish people (which is an ending worse than death for action heroes)
to their convoluted explanation for bringing the latest person back from the dead (which reminds me of a married couple, when the husband or wife get caught watching porn, and try to explain that it was just a pop-up that came out of nowhere. The other spouse gulps their glass of wine and plows forward - that was me with this - gulping my soda (with a lil Henny) saying "whatever guys, let's please just move on".
and what's going on with the two brother's is a thin thread at best. AND the villain's motivation...
But, it's foolish to get into that., and take points off. I LOVE THESE MOVIES, but it ain't for the story.
Let's grade "F9" by its own standards:
Racing, Action, and Family (they graduated from booty to family):
Racing
They've done the racing in a small city thing before, but this time it's with magnets! - SUPER MAGNETS!
YES!
I loved this! Cars are getting sucked into magnets. They're using them to make people fly away and explode.
Which btw, they did my man Francis Ngannou wrong (an mma fighter). There's a fight scene with a giant white dude on top of a speeding vehicle. That giant white dude could have and should have been the role for Francis, instead he's just here to say high, and then blow up.
As much as I loved these scenes, they were too quick in some areas. I think if they had slowed some of the magnet stuff down a bit, we could appreciate more what's happening.
Action
M.Rod is legit.
She needs her own franchise. The only action star I enjoyed more than her was Vin, and that's really due to the absurdity of one scene. Do y'all remember the "Civil War" scene when Captain America has one hand on a building and another pulling back a helicopter??
It's the same level of strength needed for what Vin does in some underground chambers. You can see a bit of it in the trailer. He pulls the whole place down, and then, just like in "Civil War", he ends up in the water (but unconscious). Oh, and he does this after beating up like 50 people at once.
Ha! I love it! Then, how he is rescued (cuz c'mon, he can't die) is splendidly preposterous, and I mean that is a complimentary way.
That scene is perfection.
The only action that bothers me comes from Dom's sister (mia).
She just doesn't sell being a fighter, but whatever. No disrespect... she’s beautiful, but... her hair might weigh more than the rest of her body.
Apparently, the highest trained fighters (agents) in the world (who have GUNS) never trained for a unskilled, unprepared, 110 lb woman in her 40's with a frying pan.
Family & Corona
Tyrese and Luda are always funny, but their act is growing a bit thin. It actually felt like an act this time around.
I think it's time to add another black man in the mix; perhaps one who's older than they are... TRACY MORGAN?
Throw an OG in there and it'll freshen things up again. I do like though how Tyrese is starting to suspect that they might be immortals.
I think they should test that theory out in the next movie; maybe have Tyrese break the fourth wall, kinda like Deadpool, as he realizes this is just a dumbass movie.
Dom and Letty's kid... terrible. I'm sorry! This is a bias of mine, but kids normally suck at acting. This one is no exception.
Just get an older actor to play the young kid. I'm thinking Ryan Reynolds would have been a good choice.
You may be saying "that's absurd!" - I'm glad that y'all can still tell what that word means, cuz I can't.
The rest of the chemistry family magic is great!
Oh, and Cardi is here, but... barely (for like 30 seconds, if that).
No rapping, no wapping, no cursing... kind of a waste of Cardi B, if you ask me.
John Cena aka Jakob with a K!
Meh. JC def has charisma, just not in this movie. He doesn't stand out at all. You know?? - The Rock, Jason Statham, Charlize Theron, etc all have a presence about them in this franchise. Cena?! what happened, buddy?
There are certain music artists whom you'd think would have a great personality based off their music and how they dress.
But, then you meet them, and you realize that they're just normal bozos like you and I (only rich and famous). And normal bozos like you and I, AT TIMES can be boring.
You gotta have some flair if you're not going to have personality. Give my man some pink glittery highlights, a face tat, some vampire teeth, and maybe a chainsaw for his left arm or something.
Grade: Good action. The absurdities were funny. I was entertained! Production was great! BUT it's getting tired, my friends.
It's the same formula that I've mentioned and then, like always, they're grilling and drinking Corona's in the sun.
After nine movies (with at least two more on the way)... I never thought I'd say this, but it's actually not absurd enough.
Wait... I seriously can't believe I just said that.
I need to say that again to know it's real.
This movie wasn't absurd.. enough? ENOUGH. IT WASN'T! They're going to need to step it up for the next two.
They were in space, but not for long. They raced for the most part in regular cars (regular for them). . You only brought ONE person back from the dead??! C'mon! We can do better.
I'm giving it an entertaining C+
I like that we saw different younger Dom's (during flashbacks) through time. I think that the next type of vehicle they bust out should be a DeLorean.
Y'all feel me?? TIME TRAVEL, baby!
Vin and the gang race through time! They can have Tracy Morgan. They'll each have a younger version (or older) of themselves join the group. Cardi B will actually do something this time - maybe turn into a car!
And maybe Cable shows up as they tie it to Marvel.
Think bigger, Vin!
#f9#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#action movies#movie reviews#marvel#praphit#vin diesel#michelle rodriguez#racing#fast and furious#cardi b
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Old AF!
Old AF!
Starring Joe Biden.
Nah.
There was a lot of oldness in this movie though, so maybe he was in it, and I just missed him.
It'd make for a good show, I think, right?? "Old AF"? I'll produce it, and ask Joe Biden do outrageous things for someone of his age: like parkour, slam dunk competitions, fighting Jake Paul, wrestling an alligator.
And then he'd be like "I can't do that! I'm Old AF!" (laugh track), and then I'd get him to do it anyway.
I'm sure Netflix would pick that up.
People, M. Night is back! This time he's using our fears of getting old to twist us.
Getting old can be scary for sure, but from the trailer we see that the process is sped up a bit. Normally, we can slowly process one gray hair, two gray hairs, to fifty. But, this is like if Michael Myers was father time himself, and instead of his nonchalant pace and magical pop-ups, he's grabbing a knife and sprinting after you.
(”Get yo ass over here!”)
Scary.
It all starts off well enough.
What?? Oh, so you think I'm going to do that thing when I say it "starts off well", and then trash rest of the movie? Psssh, you don't know me. See, that's your problem... always thinking you know something.
It starts off well enough :)
Drama!
There's a family that's cute on the surface, but there's a lot of issues underneath:
Mommy and Daddy want a divorce.
They're a bit cryptic at first as to why. What are the main reasons these days?
Money, communication, and sex/intimacy, I think?
I won't give anything away. Let's just say that... Daddy is into clowns... watching... during sexy time, and Mommy wants no parts of that anymore. That's not what's going on, but it could have been.
We'll say that they had money problems too... because Mommy won't stop betting on... idk. Turtle Racing.
And they DID actually have a lot of communication issues. There's an illness going on that they don't want to deal with. We'll say it's Mommy's feet; they're HUGE! Everybody in the family is tripping over them. It's tearing them apart!
The son is really annoying. Ever been stuck in the car on a long trip with someone who is unbearably annoying? Ugh, that's this kid. So, there's the drama of him getting beat up by... really anybody, at any moment. You're praying that he does. Don't be annoying, kids!
And their daughter likes to sing on long car rides, and she is NOT good AT ALL! She's terrible, but again, another issue that this family doesn't want to deal with. She's going to end up on some singing competition, embarrassing herself and the family. It's just a matter of time before she realizes just how awful she is...
See??! The drama!
They say to themselves, "Our family is falling apart, so let's go to a resort on an island, hosted by some creepy white dude, packed-in and surrounded by strangers. Yes!
The white dude hosting IS creepy, but super-polite. I get uneasy (as a black man) when white people are overly polite. Either something is about to go down and you're trying to keep me here to trap me or you've done something horrifying, and you're trying to make up for it.
Creepy Dude’s staff at the resort were also very polite. One of them, I THINK, was Clint Eastwood’s daughter. Who would think you’d see her at the mysterious resort? I wish I could find a pic of her in this movie, cuz she is super-fit. I mean... her arms are poppin! POPPIN!
Like is you don’t accept her professional kindness, she would beat you down.
POPPIN!
Oh, and M. Night was there! In the scene!
He was their Uber driver. You have to give him full stars, right?? It's the Twist Master!
This resort wasn't working out (shocking), so they decided to go to the mysterious beach where people go missing, but no one seems to care.
Perhaps that's the perfect spot when a marriage is on the rocks and a hefty alimony payment might be looming.
A decent set-up! All was well enough! And then.... yeah, you were right!
The BS began with the first body drop, and never stopped.
This movie is not good, people.
I knew from the trailer and honestly, and unfortunately, because of M. Night, that this movie was going to be trash. There are many problems, but I'll sum most of them up:
#1 - Contrivance
They make a point to tell us what everybody does for a living. And everybody seems to have the exact skills required to move the plot along. A paleontologist, a numbers guy, a champion swimmer, a doctor (not just any doctor, but one who's the top dog at his hospital), etc - c'mon M. Night.
Only in fiction can someone call out for a doctor, and not only find one, but find the exact type of doctor needed for your situation.
That's some divine intervention. Even if there IS a doctor around, most of them (like all of us) are too self-involved to actually help.
I live in Baltimore, and I can't even find a witness for crimes committed, let alone a doctor!
They even had a black dude written in for the white people to blame for everything. Oh, and he's a rapper. Cuz of course he would be.
I'm calling you out, M. Night! Why couldn't this guy
- who played the doctor, have been the rapper, and this guy who played the rapper
(with a ridiculous rapper name "Mid-Sized Sedan") have been the doctor?! Huh?! Huh, M. Night?!
Problem #2 - Trying to explain everything that's happening
So, all of the strangers see the first body drop, and they all become scientists and mathematicians. All that smarty-pants-word-salad that they tossed up to explain something that no one could ever explain.
It's like movies with time travel. The best ones are the ones that barely explain it. They just say "Time Travel, sonn! Shut up and enjoy the movie!" When they try to explain it, we all realize how silly it is; that's what M. Night did wrong here.
It got to the point when every time there was a scream on the beach, I wasn't scared for them, but thinking "What bullshit are they gonna deal with and try to explain this time?"
This woman in the movie is thinking the same thing.
She's looking right at the director, thinking "Dammit, M.Night."
Now, some might say, "Well, did he at least get the twist right?"
What do you think??
What's actually going on is kinda projected. You'll be surprised by the details, maybe, but probably not by what's generally happening.
Plus, it's one of those things when after watching this film, you'll start thinking about it, and the more you do, the more it doesn't make any sense. I won't spoil anything. I'll just ask How long can you hold your breath under water? How long can the average person hold their breath under water?
Hmmm.... maybe that was part of the twist. The island makes one old, but they can now break records for breath-holding under water.
There's also a point in the picture when M. Night screws up... like really bad.
I'm talking about his character (uber driver:)
If I were making a movie, and I was going to be in it, I would be the frickin MAN! I’d be the hero, AND the villains, AND the twist, AND my own love interests. But, perhaps this (”humility”) is part of M. Night's genius.
Grade: Well, the only reason I don't fail this movie is because of a scene (that was not meant to be funny) that made be laugh out loud.
There's a couple of those types of scenes, but this one in particular...
I won't spoil it, I'll simply say "The Pretzel Lady".
It's a serious moment that's made utterly ridiculous. It's not funny enough for you to rush to the possibly covid-ridden theatres, but funny enough to wait until it's available to stream, and fast forward to "The Pretzel Lady".
This movie would have been better off as a Horror/Comedy. Take the writing out of M. Night's hands, and in the hands of a established comedic writer.
I think that there's a lot of funny and levity to be brought to this Beach of Aging,
but... again, perhaps I just don't get M. Night's genius
Grade: D-
I really wish now that Joe Biden was in this film. He could have been part of the contrivance. "Is anyone here a doctor? Or Sociologist? or the president of the United States?"
Uncle Joe: "Yeah, I'm Joe Biden. And I'm the president of the United States. I'll save us."
As he makes a weird sound with his mouth that unleashes a UFO to the appear in front of them all to take them away from M. Night.
I
f Netflix doesn't take "Old AF", perhaps they'd take this show.
"Undercover Biden".
The first episode could be him (posing as a detective) trying to help a police squad track down a missing person, with a mere sniff of some of their hair.
Call me, Netflix!
#Old#old movie#m night shyamalan#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#Movie Reviews#Horror Movies#praphit#joe biden#old people#comedy#relationships#marriage#francesca eastwood#writing#race
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WandaVision: When you can’t let go of that robo-lovin.
So, I just finished watching "WandaVision", and I must say, right off the bat
- I LOVED IT!
Disney Plus is finally paying off. I'm in the group of peeps who got DP, not for the mouse, but for the ones whom the mouse is in bed with, and most recently on Mickey's playtime Marvel List - Wanda Maximoff and her robo-boy toy VISION... or is that “THE Vision”? - that seems kinda ostentatious, but whatever.
When I first heard that Wanda was getting a series, I said "Who cares?"
I don't care bout no Wanda! What has she been other than a weird pest?
Let's review:
She tried to kill the Avengers, she accidentally injures and kills innocent people, she was getting in the way, so Tony Stark had to get his CPU (Vision) to babysit her, she falls in love with the CPU - can we talk about how strange this is? I didn't say wrong, just different, cuz honestly, we may be headed there soon.
That movie "Her" might be a reality with how tech is going these days.
But, imagine I come to your home and fall in love with your laptop (which messes everything up for you with all your devices and your social media), THEN (as Wanda did with Vision), I run off on some romantic journey with all of your devices. Imagine how Tony would have felt, if he was still with us.
She had one job when it came to Thanos, and it ended up not mattering.
Then, went full rage on the wrong Thanos.
Idk if that’s a look (Thanos) pain, release, of he’s listening to his jam. Kinda looks like he’s saying “JESUS”. But, Wanda is pissed.
Wanda: "You took everything from me!"
Thanos: "Lady, I don't even know you!"
I didn't care about Wanda. But, damn, Marvel is so good that in one episode they made me care; one trailer, really.
If you had not seen the trailer for this series, you might be confused by the first episode.
You might even ask yourself - "What the bleep is this nonsense?!"
We want heroes vs villains. We want super-powered explosions. We want capes, ridiculously tight clothes, bulky armor, and anything else that makes no sense to fight in.
You're giving me "Bewitched"?
I DID see the trailer, so I knew going in that it would be a slow burn with some nostalgia, some quirks, and some eeriness; right up my alley.
The change in Tv decade styles btw *chef kiss*
I figured that they'd be trapped in some mysterious, magical world - which they are...
Unless you're super geeky with the funny books, there's no way you'll see what's coming in this mystery.
And it IS a mystery, not only to the audience, but for the characters involved in this show. Don't nobody know what the hell is going on.
But, LaWanda and Vishawn
(sorry, I just wanted to use this pic - Ha! Y'all are crazy.)had help figuring things out:
Rambo
Yeah, it's actually Monica Rambeau,
but... admit it, some of you kept thinking about Rambo too, right??
No offense to this actress, but I'd rather see old man Sly play Rambo, and HIM be in this mysterious WandaVision town.
Let's get Disney a lil bloody. Wishful thinking, I suppose.
Marvel WILL BE venturing into multiple universes soon, so perhaps Rambo finds his way to team up with The Punisher? Huh?? YEAH!
But, no... Rambeau (meh No personality, but whatever).
Randall Park -
He's that person we all know who has made us laugh so much in life, that they don't even need to say anything anymore; you look at them and laugh.
I love this dude!
Kat Dennings -
I remember liking her more in the Thor movies. I found her annoying, this time around.
She joins the mystery to figure tech stuff out, and she's a doctor or something (don't you forget it!). She also asks the team she just meets
to get her some coffee, and acts like they're disrespecting HER, by their lack of response.
I know she's a doctor and all, but damn! Imagine some electrician comes to your place to serve YOU, they're condescending to you, and then they ask you for some coffee.
Get the hell outta here!
Oh, and there's a dude named “Director Dick”. That's my name for him, but the name fits.
The people in this town are acting out as if they've been scripted for some show. And all of these characters, AND US, get to figure it out together -
through antics from different times in Tv culture.
Times sure were different back in the day:
No social justice issues implanted or cursing or sex or drugs... now, I'm not saying it was a better time, just a different one :)
A time when dad jokes ruled! Simple times!
Ignorance was bliss.
But, it kinda wasn't - not really.
It's like having an animal die on your property somewhere, and it starts to stink. You COULD find the truth of the stench... or light candles everywhere.
Some really strong candles - maybe some of those Gwyneth Paltrow candles.
Though the stench might get covered up, the problem is still there. At some point, your kids could find the dead rotting animal... maybe start playing with it... you get the point.
In this show, the townspeople's minds have been taken over by someone or something, and it's torturous for them.
So... bliss on the surface, but... not so much, going deeper.
I tell you all of this, plus great production in each epi, a good slow-burn mystery, and fun with comic characters in a way we haven't seen before on screen, and
hell yeah - Grade: A series.
Now... spoilers.
You might want to leave now.
People, Wanda is the villain here. I'm not sure if that's the message the writers are trying to convey or not, but I don't care; she is the clear villain here.
Here’s Wanda reading some Hell book, conjuring some dark spirits - nbd.
We are rooting for her throughout this show; even after we find out that she has been (even if not maliciously) controlling every one, we still root for her.
I'm not saying that's bad, but we can't forget about what she has done! Remember, I said that the mind control was torturous for the townspeople.
There's a very emotional moment at the end of this series between Wanda and Vision, and between them and their kids (yeah, they have kids... that's a whole
other thing). This moment is well done and touching. There's even a bad ass fight between Wanda and the "true... villain"? - of this story. I'll get to her in a sec (There’s a badass Vision fight scene as well).
I loved all of that! But, at the end of the day...
I know Wanda is grieving and all, we all grieve, but we all don't, in our grief, take a whole town hostage, torture the people, all while playing house with our family.
That's kinda sick, no??
Are we doing a girl-power thing? or a “witches are people too” thing? or “but she’s doing it all for her family” thing (yeah, they’re not actually real, but whatever)? I don’t know.
I'm not sure that we know what a villain is anymore. It used to be clear - the guy with the beard was the bad guy, or the guy wearing the black outfit
was the bad guy, or the people who aren't Americans are the bad guys :)
But, movies like "Joker" and "Deadpool" and Harley's joint have
confused some.
Who else would be the villain? There's a character, the villain (i guess), a witch named Agatha Harkness, played by Kathryn Hahn
Here she is saying “I’m the villain? Really? What about her?!!”
- she's excellent btw; def the highlight of this show; her and Paul Bettany's hair game.
But, let's compare:
Agatha:
betrays her coven back in the day, sure, but why you bringing up old shit?
She allows Wanda to play out this fantasy for a while, and even played along.
She could have just killed her when she was ignorant; that's what I would have done.
She eventually shows Wanda the truth (granted, she then wants Wanda's power, but hey, everything has a price. And for all we know, she would have used
all of that power to... cure the worlds diseases or something... though prob not:).
Annnd maybe she killed an imaginary puppy. Convo for another time: if you kill something that's not real, does it matter??
That's it!
She didn't (like Wanda): abduct a town, torture its people, bring Vision back from the dead (kinda), endanger soldiers who were just doing their jobs,
create weird fantasies
(And did she have sexy time with previously dead, fake Vision? This thing gets even weirder if she did. But, let's not go down that path.)
Oh, and she magically punted a black woman (Rambo) the length of a football field just for her asking Wanda some questions.
When the townspeople finally regain their minds (Lord knows how long it's been), they look at her with disdain, and I don't blame them.
And what does Wanda do?? - shrug, put on a hoodie, and fly off - to break into somebody's home and read some devil book.
Where’s cancel culture in this universe?
I know she made us feel, but I ask again, who's the villain here?
Still Grade A stuff for me (again, I loved this!), but c'mon, people.
We get a glimpse of Captain Marvel 2 as well. My fingers are crossed. I actually liked the first movie.
But, many others did not, and one of the reasons - Captain Marvel doesn't have much of a personality, and another - she's too powerful (no risk).
So, to answer the critics, we have Monica Rambeau - another ridiculously super-powered hero, with no personality. So, two unrelatable characters flying around
in space, as Sam L Jackson tries not to curse. But, if Marvel can make me care about evil ass Wanda, I'll still hold out hope for Capt Marvel 2.
#wandavision#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#wanda maximoff#elizabeth olsen#paul bettany#praphit#bewitched#disney#Marvel Comics#Movie Reviews#comicbooks#cancel culture#witchcraft#kathryn hahn#rambo#captain marvel 2#action#mystery
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Mortal Kombat: Earthrealm’s Crappiest Fighters
I think we can all agree that the old school Mortal Kombat theme song ("Techno Syndrome") is one of the best songs of all time. Well... by "best" I mean annoyingly spellbinding. It kinda gets in you; especially if you've been following Mortal Kombat from the beginning of their run since the early 90's. "Dun Dun Dun Dun - DUNDUN (gong)... FIGHT!"
Then, it be like "Kano" and you be dancing "Liu Kang" and you start shakin it. Then, it gets to "Sub Zero" and you're like "Ahhhh Shit! Here it comes!" And then "Sonya" And everybody and their mama shouts "MORTAL KOMBAT" I'm telling you, back in the day, every time that song played - here comes the dancing AND fighting. Then, the cops would show up wherever the song is being played, and they'd dance a bit too, before they started looking for black people to shoot - it was a great time had by all.
This song demanded a rebooted movie from the classic (that's right, I said CLASSIC) 1995 film.
In the first movie, it was Liu Kang and a bunch of losers. I'm mean, just look at them.
You don't fear anyone there except for Liu; not even white Raiden (at the top).
With this 2021 reboot, we've got the same ol tournament plot - something about a martial arts tourney to decide who rules all of the worlds.
There's something about the MK logo appearing on people; it could appear out of know where - on your arm, face, butt, who knows??
Of course the bad guys have been cheating, and once again the ones chosen to fight for earth are Liu Kang and a bunch of losers.
Look how badass he is - you think making fire come out your body is easy?! This Liu mutha *uckin KANG!
Granted, You've got Raiden
- with the correct race and ethnicity this time, but he's kinda slow. This whole movie, you'll have fight scenes, people are dying. The ones not dying are screaming for help, and Raiden never shows up until those people who were crying out are also dead.
You've got Kung Lao,
but he's kind of an asshole.
So, yeah, really just Liu again.
His team of losers:
Kano
- Imagine if fate chose Jeffrey Dahmer to defend earth. Yep, that's pretty much what we have here.
Jax
(on the left)
- some Arsenio Hall lookin guy who's about to have his arms destroyed (we learn this from the trailer)
Yeah, so fate chose a guy with no arms to protect Earth! Well done.
Sonya
- while everyone else has powers of fire, ice, lightning, she's got pretty pink rings that shoot out of her hands.
That's her tough face. Like she's saying "Leggo my Eggo."
And Cole
- who specializes in getting his ass beat. Even his super power revolves around getting his ass beat.
Ladies and gentlemen, Earthrealm’s mightiest fighters! - here to save us!
There is plenty of action throughout this movie. I loved it!
Some of my favorite scenes:
Scorpion vs Sub Zero
From the very beginning, there's gore, blood, and guts! Sub has been after Scorpion, and in the process, comes after Scorp's family.
Can I just say that I've seen this whole enemy of your past comes after a reformed assassin before - the reformed badass assassin's family is always so meek. Life Tip, kids: If you're going to be a professional ass-kicker, then you need to be with a life partner who can defend themselves. I'm not saying they need to be a family of killers, but get them to take ONE Karate class, at least!
Goro is also very cool-looking (2021 version on the left)!
Way more menacing than the first time around (95 version on right) when he let some dude punch him in the balls to end the bout. I understand that it happens, but... you don't see Thanos or Darkseid getting punched in the man zone and looking all goofy afterwards.
The fight scenes involving Liu Kang and Kung Lao were awesome!
Sub Zero in general was the main menace. He is haunting.
The violence. The gore. The campy parts as well, made this movie very enjoyable.
However, the third act kinda slows down. At some point, Raiden realizes "Wait, our team is just Liu Kang and a bunch a losers." And he has everyone camp-out and reflect... and drink. This is when the movie loses steam for me.
It's as if the action, the already next to terrible, campy dialogue, and "plot" run out of gas.
I mean, you have the typical "Hey, guys, let's work together!" type of thing that happens:
Arsenio Hall grew arms, Sonya tries to convince us that her pink rings are cool, Cole... well, is still getting his ass beat. But, everything gets a lil lazy. The ending fights go by too quickly. And the very last scene feels like everyone is tired, and so they just wanna go home.
We all know that evil is not going to win here, but I feel like it could have had it not been so lazy. Shang Tsung (the main villain/ evil sorcerer), supposedly having all this power just rolls out. It's like he looked at his watch and was like "Well, it's been fun, but I gotta get back to the wife. Peace!"
Plus, it was supposed to be a tournament... there was no tournament in this film. In fact, you had characters kill people and shout out things like "fatality" and "flawless victory" themselves, which is kinda weird.
Other than this laziness, I loved it! The action and fan-service leading up to the lazy third is still entertaining enough to outshine any lack one may feel towards the end. Again, I really enjoyed it! - And if you're a die-hard MK fan, you will too! - it's really made for you.
Grade: generous, entertaining B
One thing about all of these characters that kinda bothered me was the fact that they're all so comfortable with killing.
There's a scene where someone gets chopped in half, blood splatters all over them, and they're just like "Meh, on to the next."
It's a tournament full of psychopaths!
I wonder if when the sequel comes out (and there will be one) if they'll address a lil of this, shamefully pull back, and introduce some "Friendships"
#Mortal Kombat#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#fighting#violence#martial arts#Movie Reviews#praphit#action movies#liu kang#techno syndrome#scorpion#subzero
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One Night in Miami (without cocaine?)
"One Night in Miami"
When I first saw this title, I was brought back to my many nights in Miami.
I looooove Miami! One day I’ll return, when it’s not covered and caked with COVID.
It is my home away from home (Baltimore).
Bmore is like a nagging spouse; you love them (maybe), but... they make you feel a certain way, you know??
Miami is like... that vacation that you take, out near a special friend, who you know is now single.
You're not going to do anything, but... (YOU'RE NOT), but you just wanna go near, have a lil bit of fun... and dream.
Ha! People, don't listen to me :)
I thought that this movie was going to be about these four prominent black men spending one crazy night in Miami.
A boxer, a singer, a football player, and Malcolm X enter a night club.
I was thinking more of a Judd Apatow comedy.
Then, I watched the trailer - not so much, but I figured I'd give it a shot anyway.
This is a story (based off true events) about four famous, successful black men, coming together, for one night, in Miami, who come from very different worlds:
Cassius Clay (Muhammad Ali)
A world where he'll beat the hell out of you, and then dance and joke over your motionless body, as he makes his way to the cameras for a pose.
Sam Cooke
A great singer and song writer, doing the things you'd expect someone of his caliber to do - a loose life, you know?? :)
They teach you in music class, that a career in music won't promise you money, fame, or fulfillment, but it will promise you getting laid, breaking hearts,
, addiction, and quite probably child support payments.
A loose life :)
Jim Brown (NFL Legend)
The strength of this man, in that game, at that time.
Don't get me started on the plantation that is the NFL, but back in that time, whew! There's a scene early in the film that will (should) piss you off.
Something is said to Mr. Brown (with a casual N-Bomb), while trying to enter some old white dude's home.
This person who is his "supporter" or even "friend" (ew) that... if it were me... maaaaan, this would have been a whole
different movie. If I were in this movie, and that was said to me, I would have gone back to my trunk, calmly pulled out my samurai sword,
calmly walked back into their home, and then things
would not be so calm.
X-rated for violence.
But, Jim had a strength and wisdom in that particular moment not to do that (though I'd debate that he should have:), but to store up and later redirect his
anger towards progressive ends.
Malcolm X -
We all know this brotha. Not a violent world like boxing or football, but still plenty of violence around him by a world of words, oppression, and
an expression of his truth.
These four decide to party it up!
Now, this is Miami - I'm thinking cocaine, brown booties dancing to awesome music, and at least one person (there's always AT LEAST one) who though doesn't speak any English, everything he/she says to you (that you might not understand), is infused by fun... and a certain level of shadiness.
I love this person at the party, but beware :) At some point, the cops might show up to the party, looking for them.
I was thinking MIAMI! Cocaine! Maybe shady fun! Maybe shady booty! And some Cuban food!
I was thinking this, but I was wrong again:
Malcolm X was hosting this party. His style reminds me more of some old school Christian ministers I know.
No drinking, limit the jokes, no touching, no dancing... well, you could dance, but you need to keep that COVID space, you know?? And there's a bit of a
McCringleberry’s Ref vibe happening.
Just vanilla ice cream and philosophy; that's all Malcolm needs at his parties, and that's all they got. Not even a board game in sight. No, Monopoly... NOTHING!
Though I imagine that playing Monopoly with Malcolm might be stressful -
as some old white dude manipulates the rules for you, and might even refer to you as a dog or a dirty ass boot.
Just four righteous, successful black men, hanging out in a room, in Miami, in the 60's.
I have to give high praise to these actors, the screenplay writer, the cinematographer, and Regina King (director).
I loved everything about this movie!
Every scene in this picture is meaty. Whether you're meant to laugh, cry, grasp a point made, or just experience these brothas shootin the shit, you feel it.
The discourse between them is so good. Like I said, they all come from different worlds, but it's the struggle that brings them all together.
Though they may each see the struggle differently, they can connect and draw strength from one another in the process.
It of course gets heavy at times, as debates do, but it's not like a Facebook debate; they can get real, real ugly.
Even as these guys fight and get legitimately angry at one another, you can still tell that they love and respect one another.
The movie isn't preachy either.
Personally, I'm tired of preachy movies, whether religious, socially aware, save the planet, etc. This movie does a good job of sticking to the story of how these
characters, these heroes of that time, would relate to one another, and not forcing anything upon the audience.
Grade A, baby!
Now, I don't know if any of this story "based off true events" is, you know?? - TRUE. I know that they were really friends, and they did meet in Miami
for one night, back in the day. But... maybe it all went down like this.
Maybe they did play a very intense, racially charged game of Monopoly, pray, and then go to sleep.
Or maybe they went to the strip club and shared fart jokes with one another, I don't know!
Regardless, this version here is def worth your time.
#one night in miami#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#muhammad ali#sam cooke#malcolm x#jim brown#nfl#race#praphit#black lives matter#Movie Reviews#drama#regina king#miami#cocaine#monopoly
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JL - The Snyder Cut: A Quarter Pounder With Cheese
Was it 2017 when The Regular Ass Justice League came to the big screen? Idk. I can't remember anything before COVID.
I thought that movie was... decent. It was somewhere between "ok" and "good"; that's not a knock against it. It's like a quarter pounder with cheese. You know??
- it's about 1pm at work, and you ain't had lunch yet. You'll annihilate
a QPWC, but you also can't say it's a gourmet burger from some fancy spot; they put love and time into their burgers. If you compare a QPWC to THAT... then you might call it somewhere between "shit" and "almost ok"; movie snobs said things like that.
I wasn't like the snobs. I was like - "QPWC". But, in the defense of the snobs, it's hard not to compare the reg ass JC to a gourmet burger like The Avengers:
A team is assembled, there's a destroyer of worlds lurking about, there are magical alien objects to collect, there's a part in this new version that has a similar battle axe scene to Thor/Thanos, there's a character who at times can be a bit sexualized - and I'm not talking about Wonder Woman. I'm talking about
Aquadude.
"Wait, are we about to eat? I better pop this shirt off. I don't wanna get food on it."
"Wait, are we about to watch Tv? I better pop this shirt off, so the couch doesn't wrinkle it."
Zack Snyder came along and said "Quarter Pounder With Cheese?! Well, yeah, but that wasn't on me at all. Y'all need to see MY vision! MY burger would have been glorious!"
So, here we are... kinda like a second date, when the first one was 'ok', but not quite "the one". DC was like "That date, we were rushing things and may have gotten a lil handsy. We were copying moves we saw in other films and it was awkward. And something was up with our face that night.
BUT, this time, will be different!"
Let's talk about what's different:
#1 - The Flash
We get a lil more back story with him, but in the process an awesome scene where he saves some black woman with his lightning speed (so fast that everything is slow). I loved this!
The black woman whom he saves, I can only assume is Iris. I'm not a super comic geek, but I've seen the Tv Series (hence my assumption).
Flash is apparently all about black women. Maybe I should go back and read some of his comics. Perhaps he ONLY saves black women; pretty, young, single black women :)
He had better be careful with his hands as he saves them, with things all slow. I was watching him when he saved Iris.
Sometimes, you might have to feel some one up in the process f saving their life, you know?? I don't know, but Flash does :)
I'm just saying... my man might get hashtagged, if he's not careful.
#2 - Darkseid
He is the thing of nightmares and it's perfect! He is everything that I wanted Apocalypse in that awful X-Men movie to be.
A villain as powerful as Darkseid should look menacing.
Not like this -
But, like THIS.
YES!
He looks like he has been possessed by several spirits, and all of these spirits are high on meth and voodoo.
#3 (now this was unfortunate) Lex and The Joker make an appearance.
(Joker here lookin like he just got finished eating ribs. What the hell is going on with his mouth?)
Ugh.
We told y'all that these two were bad. Real, real BAD!
It's like me saying that the cologne you were on our last date smelled like expired sauerkraut juice, please don't wear that on this next date.
YET, here it is... stankin up the joint!
Some may say, but Joker revealed some things that could be interesting for Batman, moving forward...
Spoiler Alert - in the future, Batman bleeps up! That's not much of a revelation. Batman is always screwing up.
Just look at Arkham - full of his screw ups.
But, that's a story for another day (a day that hopefully, will NOT include actors Jared and Jesse).
#4 - Martian Manhunter.
He looks smoove. I don't know much about him. I've seen him in some cartoons. I imagine that someone who
knows nothing at all about this universe would have been totally confused. But, regardless, he looked great!
I hope we'll see him in the future.
Why is the second part of his name "manhunter" though? First order of business, if he joins the team, is to change his
name. Though perhaps all martians have names like that:
"Martian Boozehound", "Martian Cock Blocker", "Martian Narcissist". Maybe they'll all join one day.
The Martian didn't really move the plot though. He was just there to be kinda "look-at-me".
Think being on this second date, and at dinner, the person randomly starts juggling.
You're like "That's really cool, but can we get back to the meal."
#5 - Steppenwolf!
YES! YES! and more YES!
There's no way anyone can hate on his new look.
We also get some backstory as to why he's doing what he's doing. Before I thought he was simply being mean because his name is "Steppenwolf" A name like that demands that he be bullied.
But, here, we find that he has pretty much been canceled.
I don't know what he did or tweeted, but Darkseid wasn't having it.
Now, he's gotta do everything he can to get back into the fold; popping up random places and doing what he must
to be redeemed - kinda like Louis C.K.
#6 - A lil more attention to the characters
a) Alfred being a gadget wiz.
b) Wonder Woman reminding us how amazing she is. Where was this woman in her sequel? THIS WW, I’d follow to hell and back.
c) Aquadude had some more scenes for build up as well.
Unfortunately, this woman was a part of it.
She's not bad at acting, she's just a bad person (look her up if you don't know what I'm talking about).
d) Batman though --- it's not that I don't like Affleck in there. His Batman just looks so old, slow, and tired.
There are some more chemistry/slightly flirtatious scenes with him and WW, and I'm like "Dude, there's no way that you have the energy for that action." :)
e) Cyborg though (Ray Fisher)-
He's the star of this cut! Before he was just the angry black guy. In this one... next to Superman, I'd say he was the most key to their victory.
As far as this second date:
It looks way better. There's a lil more story added. It's dark and depressing, but that's just how DC and Snyder roll..
This is probably why we don't see Shazam; he's way too peppy for the group.
Seriously wowed by the effects. I couldn't sit through 4 hours straight, but when I broke it up, I really enjoyed it!
However, it's still the same movie. You know?? The same failings are there from the first. It makes me think more of what could have been.
What if they had treated Ray Fisher better (look it up, if you don't know)?
What if they had taken their time to build up to this movie like Marvel did with The Avengers?
What if Batman and The Joker didn’t go through a identity crisis every few years?
Amy Adams is in this movie! She's one of the best actors around, today! I keep forgetting that she's in it, because they
wasted her talents.
It's like our date got buff, dressed up this time, took us out for a nicer LONGER time, but they still rushed and were handsy, they were still a lil too dark
(dating tips, kids: save your stories about your messed up childhoods for at least
date #3), and they were still wearing that damned sauerkraut cologne.
Once again, good stuff, when not compared to a gourmet meal. More like a fancy McDonalds, serving us a quarter pound
STEAK with cheese.
Grade: B-
#the justice league#the zack snyder cut#the snyder cut#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#DC comics#comic books#movies#Movie Reviews#batman#praphit#the joker#dating#quarter pounder with cheese#mcdonalds#burgers#action movies#wonder woman#the flash#martians#aquaman#the avengers#cooking
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“Project Power”- Add it to the list, Jamie :)
In these tense times of protests, economic woes, demon sperm,
and mad scientists giving us advice on how to stay safe
(Psssh, plus he’s a Nationals fan? Smh... that monster),
it's natural for us to call out for a hero.
I know that I'm first on your list (If you don’t know, get it together, I'm practically "Black Dynamite", especially since I haven't seen a barber in forever)
, and I'm flattered, but I'm a busy man. Much like common sense, I may not always be around to lend a hand.
You might want to turn to The Avengers, but
- yeah. They're kinda done without a leader.
NEXT!
Batman?
But is it the old, sad Ben Batman?
- or...
... whatever the hell this is? Batman has got issues right now.
NEXT!
Politici... Ha! Sorry, I can't even... Ha! Just no.
NEXT!
Firefighters!
Sure, but unless your place is on fire or you're having a bachelorette party, they won't be of much use.
Somehow, next up is Jamie Foxx.
Yeah, I couldn't believe it either, but there he is - "Project Power".
Let's look at the official description of the movie shall we -
"A former soldier teams up with a cop to find the source behind a dangerous pill that provides temporary superpowers."
Seems like it should be a fun, yet awful movie right??
I'm not even gonna bullshit you. This movie is awful, but not in the fun way.
It's a Grade F, and that's that.
For starters, the trope-filled story never gets off the ground. I still don't know why or how it doesn't, but I was never invested in this flick. There's no depth to it. It's just those two, and a teenager, bypassing law enforcement to tackle the war on drugs.
This war starts with a character named "Newt", played by music artist (previously a rapper) / actor, Machine Gun Kelly.
There are certain actors that consistently make poor choices for movies that they're in. It's to the point where if you see them in a trailer, you know that the movie is going to be bad. Now, he's not one of those actors, because you can't call what he does "acting". But, he is always one of the reasons why the movie he's in will be bad.
If you're unfamiliar with his bad choices, here's a brief recap:
*Making music
*Beefing with Eminem
(this is not a pic of him from the movie, it's what happened to him once Em launched his diss track at MGK
- goodbye "rap career")
*Dating Megan Fox
Even his character made poor decisions.
*Here's him drinking a big gulp, obnoxiously loud during a drug dealing meeting (I imagine Trump doing that in meetings).
*Then, his character has his own name written on his own door, WHEN THE COPS ARE LOOKING FOR HIM!
That's just amateur back-in-the-day cartoon villain stuff, right?? Back when they had giant evil lairs.
Plus, he can't be a very good dealer, being that we don't see all that many people using this drug. If this were real, I imagine that everyone would
at least try it; especially the way our world is going right now. Granny would replace the hard candy in her jar with power pills.
I could go on and on, but I digress.
Joseph Gordon what's-his-face was good,
but like most of the characters in this movie, he was one dimensional.
He's a renegade cop who will doing anything to get this ridiculous drug of the streets. Anything includes taking the drug
himself to even the odds. The other cops know that he's doing it too! How do they see him doing something blatantly against the law that they serve and... oh wait.
Then, they've got the black teenage girl, who's facing real systemic racism, who focuses way too much on her rap skills rather than school work.
Whom adults also feel to need to take out of school and put her in life-threatening situations.
And Jamie Foxx...
let's just review a few of the times in which he played an action role.
That’s him a lil behind Josh Lucas. Who’s that, you ask? - exactly.
Here he played a sick violinist... I think. It’s been a while. But, I remember him physically fighting with Robert Downey Jr (him in the back), so we’re adding to the action list:)
Here he is behind another white dude. And a another movie that we forgot about.
Here he is behind the white dude again... at least we know that white dude.
Lemme look at the poster for “Project Power” again -
aaaaah, see, now it makes sense to me why Gordon Joseph whatever-his-name-is looks so confused in the poster.
He’s like “Jamie, aren’t you supposed to be behind me?”
There are a few more, but we’ll end with this one...
Yeaaaaah... *sigh* Yeaaaaah. Let’s put that back in the vault.
Idk...
Somehow Tom Cruise, who's almost 60 and 5 foot 2 is so much more believable as an action star than Jamie Foxx.
Don't ask me how. It's one of the great mysteries of our time.
Oh right! - There WAS “Django Unchained”,
but that had the absurdities of Quentin Tarantino and some comedy in it.
Maybe if they didn't take "Project Power" so seriously it would have worked.
I mean it's about drugs that give people temporary superpowers. Drugs already give people powers (kinda):
1) Super Balance - idk about where y’all live, but here in Baltimore, there are leaners in every alley way exhibiting this power.
2) The ability to make your problems dis... well, not really disappear, but... you get the idea.
3) And loss of teeth! How about that one??! Pick them up, and use them as projectiles? YEAH!
But, these SUPER powers in the movie are more like speed, strength, fire, ice, all of the regulars.
The effects at times were good,
but at other times it looked like a bad video game; with the dumbass boss fight as well.
Don't waste your time, people. I was hoping for Funny-Bad, but I got Sad-Bad. You know?? I kept thinking
"*sigh* Oh, Jamie."
Have any of you seen "The Boys"?
(a dark, but funny take on superheroes)
They could have done something like that. Jamie Foxx is hilarious, and that Gordon Joseph guy is pretty funny as well. Be creative. Be raw.
But, nope. They had to tell us a serious tale of a world where drug addicts have super powers, and comedians are our only
hope for protection.
#project power#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#projectpower#jamie foxx#joseph gordon levitt#dominique fishback#comedians#praphit#superpowers#drugs#tom cruise#video games#machine gun kelly#eminem#Movie Reviews#action heroes#drug addicts#cops
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These “M*F*K*Z” make me want to cut some vegetables.
This past Friday was the 13th, so of course, as a lover of horror, I had to break out a scary movie in the home.
At first, we thought - Classic
Then, I thought, maybe some foreign freakiness.
Or maybe some goofy mayhem to celebrate the night.
Somehow, we ended up with "MFKZ".
It's an animated movie about a young black man, who feels trapped in the city, while the world
appears to be against him. Seems too real, for some, right?
- I thought so too, but I was told there are a lot of chase scenes in it, so I was game.
Besides, what's scarier? - having a monster break into your home and brutally slaughter you (but it's over quickly)?
or
slowly dying in a God-forsaken hood?
We both know the answer I'm going for, but honestly, if I had the choice I'm going for the hood... unless it's a sexy monster.
I'm fine with sexy monsters knocking on our door, but that doesn't serve my post, so let's go:
"MFKZ" starts off by introducing us to a place called "Dark Meat City", where the action takes place.
Apparently, names like "Crack Whore Town" and
"Broken Home Valley" were taken.
Our hero is named Angelino,
and he is a pizza delivery man by profession, though he can't seem to keep a delivery job.
His best friend is a skeleton with a head full of flame. I don't mean that figuratively, for some drugged-up punk rocker.
I mean an actual skeleton.
He’s kinda cute, right? - like he could Ghost Rider’s son.
Angelino also has a legion of roaches as pets (I’ll spare you a pic). Standing back from this info, "hero" may be too strong a term for him.
He's out doing his delivery thing in "Dark Meat City", when he sees a beautiful woman named Luna. Luna winks at him.
It is here when I paused our tv, to warn Angelino. If you find yourself in a cesspool of iniquity, but see one shining as a light
, and she happens to be a beautiful woman, who is playfully winking at your ugly ass, KNOW... it's a trap.
Angelino does not listen to me, and that's when the chases begin.
He's chased by cops, SWAT, MIB, well-suited gangsters, street thugs, the government, demon aliens (yikes), he has a hidden power
inside which also gets him into trouble, Luchadores
(though they're chasing him to help him... and they're teamed
up with his legion of roaches, but still). How many of you know that if you find yourself in a sitch which requires professional wrestlers and roaches to save you, you've messed up in life. Again, "hero" is too strong a term for him.
That's it! This movie is all about a variety of chase scenes.
And if that's it, it can make for a bad movie. I got bored several times. I actually started making dinner while watching.
People got mad at me, but they know that movie is kinda boring. It's one of those on-your-phone-while-you-watch movies.
Still, a scary premise to ponder:
You're stuck in life. Your place has roaches. You feel like everyone is after you. There's some sexy woman or man who winked at you once, and now you curse that day. You're scared.
You keep hoping that some writer/producer/director will magically place you in a different story or make this story that you're in better... but much like this movie, they never do.
So, you accept your fate and live happily ever after with a thousand roaches as your friends. The end (Ok, so not so much “scary” as it is sad).
Spoiler Alert, that's kinda how this movie ends, if you can even call it an ending.
Wow, that IS sad; a lil too sad, so let's just give this a Grade: D, and focus back again on the sexy woman or man who winked at you...
... who may or may not be wearing a napkin for a skirt.
Sure, it's probably a trap, but what if you seized that trap anyway. Sweep that trap off its feet!
Have some fun with that trap! Get into some trouble with that trap!
LIVE, DAMN YOU! - without the roaches! Maybe the powers that be still won't write you out of your "Dark Meat City", but that's a better story to hear about than redundant chases. Maybe I'd listen more to your story, instead of periodically tuning out to cut vegetables.
Whatchu gonna do with your Luna? Ride her into victory or let her ride you into Hell?
I'm not sure if I should have worded it that way, but y'all know what I mean... I think. Plus, I'm too lazy to change it.
And it smells like dinner is ready, so FKIT.
Ride on!
#mfkz#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#urban#city life#praphit#animation#dinner#friday the 13th#Horror Movies#Movie Reviews#scary#relationships
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Reminiscence: Hosting it and Ghosting it
What if you lived in a world where you could capture more than just a moment in time on your phone, but could relive any moment in your memory? What if you could feel that moment whenever you wanted? Who knows?? - We might not be too far away from that now:
The first steps of your child. A favorite Christmas. A first kiss... though I don't know why anyone would want to remember that... the FIRST one?! You were probably a kid, and it was really awkward. Why would you want to feel that over again? Nah, your first fight would be better.
Maybe somebody stole your toy, or your phone, or maybe your gf/bf... you'll feel your fists hitting their face, blood flies everywhere, some of their blood gets in your mouth, and that's when you developed your literal taste for BLOOD! YES! THAT'S the moment!
Or maybe the moment some divorce money comes your way. Maybe you married into wealth. You take that first check cashed, and rock an IG story for the ages that you know your ex will see. They text you, angry as hell... you've never felt so alive!
These are the moments, people!
Is this movie a science fiction one - yes, but there's much more to it.
Our guide through all of this science fiction is Hugh Jackman. He is a former military guy/professional Reminiscence"... dude.
You walk into his lab, give him lots of money, he makes you get naked, dunks you into water, laughs at you a lil bit, and then takes you on a journey to whichever memory you'd like to visit.
But, you have to be careful with the memories that you suggest. He'll be able to see other things around that memory as well.
You might have the memory of playing outside with your dog ( a happy moment), but after that moment, he witnesses a shameful memory of you burying someone in your backyard. OR maybe before that special dog moment, he witnessed you putting on some dirty underwear. Maybe you like it dirty.... the dirtier the better. Now, you're going to prison for the burying thing AND everyone thinks you’re nasty (cuz he ain't keeping that dirty secret to himself).
He has a partner as well to keep him honest... ish.
Thandie Newton
(side note: this movie was directed and written by Lisa Joy, co-creator of "WestWorld", so you'll see a good bit of WW actors in here)
Anyway, Thandie...
- she presses buttons and gets drunk. If you can find a government job where they let you get drunk while you work, then you know God likes you. And she drinks A LOT. Hugh's not quite a choir boy himself.
Is this a movie about addiction? - kinda.
She's also a former military person / pusher of memory buttons. Later on, they shoot people together. It's a whole lot of fun!
Is this film a drunken buddy cop type of thing? - a lil bit.
The plot gets going when Rebecca Ferguson walks through their door. She has lost her keys, and wants Hugh and Thandie to use their tech to help her remember where she put them.
This science they have is used to bring about heart-warming moments, bring comfort to those in pain or dying, it's used to fight crime, and even save lives! They're using it, in this scene, to find a woman's lost keys.
Is this film a bit of a comedy? - depends.
Why did they help her and not say "You get the bleep outta here!" ?
Did I mention that this was Rebecca Ferguson?
When R. Fergie shows up to your office looking like that... you don't say "no".
So, a sexy person with questionable morals walks into your life and you say "hell yes" to them... annnnnd then the shit goes down. We've all been there. Hopefully, it leads to some sexy time; which in this case, for Hugh, it does. And hopefully, it does not lead to murder and that... loose person you've been playing with, vanishing... which in this case, for Hugh, it does.
Hugh was like "People don't just vanish! Especially, people who have booty that's so SO fine." I disagree with Hugh.
This happens all of the time. My generation calls it "hitting it and quitting it"... you may hit it a bunch of times; perhaps through a Summer, but the plan is always, at some point, to quit it. Some people call it "Hosting it and Ghosting it", i think... but it boils down to a Summer fling.
Hugh should be letting it go, but he can't ("I'm Wolverine, bitch! You don't vanish until I tell you to vanish! Something must have happened to her! Right, Thandie?! *Thandie's at the bottom of a bottle right now*"), and we're on our way.
Is this a mystery? - yes! but still more than that.
It's like dating apps:
You go out with someone, but you don't really know them. You have what you thought was a couple of great dates, and then.... *poof* it was hosted, and now it has been ghosted". Now, you track them down, but in the process, you find that most of what they told you is a lie.
They're not a doctor, they work at a RadioShack (they believe it's going to make a come back). You don't think that there's anything wrong with working there, but you quit your job to run away with a doctor... this might be a lil different now. You find out that they're a... well, you don't want to call them "easy", so... let's just move on.
Annnnd maybe they sell drugs... exclusively to old ladies. This is not what you expected, but that lovin was so sweet that you don't care. You'll search all the memories you can, in your mind, and the minds of others to find that lying, hoeish, radioshack ass.
This movie has got some elements of coping mechanisms, obsessions, delusions, etc. So, how!?? - with a stylish-looking movie, a good idea, a great cast, and plenty of interesting elements to this story... did genius creator, Lisa Joy, mess this up (and she did mess this up)?!
Let me take you through MY memories:
I remember Hugh narrating throughout this film. He's a bit pretentious and overly zen with it. It's like a person who has read the latest Dr. Smarty Pants book, and are all about "teaching" you things you didn't ask to learn. This would be fine, if this film wasn't ultimately about a Summer Fling.
I remember Hugh and Thandie being drunk at work. I remember the Ferguson booty call, she vanished, there was some killing that the cops of the town didn't seem to care about, perhaps Hugh crossed some lines here and there, but there wasn't really an anchor point for his character, so who knows?? I remember a bad ass fight scene between two middle-aged men jumping from rooftop to rooftop. VERY COOL! - unless you focus on the "middle-aged" part, then it's just funny. Any age, really...
If it's me, and I'm chasing someone, and they jump from the roof we're on to another - regardless, if they're ok or not (and they probably wouldn't be), I'd be done. I'd be like "You've earned your freedom. I won't chase you anymore. There's other fish in the sea."
An then the movie just kinda ends...
The mystery is solved, but you might realize that none of this had to happen, if someone had simply used their phone. A phone call could have stopped a lot of death. I haven't spoiled anything, but you'll understand, if you watch the movie.
That's the difference between us and Hugh Jackman?? - If your car breaks down, you might call AAA; they come and help you - THE END.
But, Hugh, might purposely leave his phone in the car, run off to find a mechanic, beat the holy hell out of the mechanic (killing three people in the process), and then drag that poor soul back to the car to fix it. ACTION, baby! That's why Hugh gets paid the big bucks! Who uses phones to make calls anymore??... pssh, especially in a science fiction movie.
Good idea. Good production. Poorly written. Too much going on.
Grade: C
Hugh hasn't made a good blockbuster in a while, right?? Maybe some things here and there (maybe), but perhaps it's time to put those claws back on.
I watched "The Suicide Squad" recently. There's a simple story about Batman villains on a suicide mission, killing people. SIMPLE.
And then a Starfish from outer space invades. People love that stuff!
This movie had too much happening. Should have kept it simple:
Hugh and Thandle getting drunk and stealing memories... .maybe using them to blackmail celebrities and politicians.
Lots of guns and romance, and then a giant Jellyfish from outer space invades earth.
THAT'S a movie, Hugh! Get it together!
#reminiscence#john praphit#praphitproductions.com#hugh jackman#Movie Reviews#thandie newton#rebecca ferguson#praphit#wolverine#action movies#relationships#drinking#addiction#mystery#westworld#lisa joy#science fiction#hit it and quit it#ghosting
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