#it’s one thing to be critical it’s another to be unnecessarily mean and hateful | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vampzxi · 1 year

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this isn’t anything hateful ,uncomfortable or offensive towards you or your mutuals, I promise…I really feel sick of what’s been going on.

The anonymous button was created for those who have some sorts of anxiety, insecurity or fear of communicating with others. It was created for them to reach out and ask, share, bond and in a way help them grow and regain that confidence that was slight or missing. But now it seems some of you have gained too much confidence in hiding behind that button to disrespect those who give you that opportunity to talk to them. An opportunity you aren’t worthy of.

Too much confidence in stepping out of line and talking mess; it’s one situation to give your opinions and thoughts of something you dislike. It’s a whole other situation to call others names, attacking them based on their decisions, experiences, and lives to which you have no business to! You’re lucky enough for them to even share a piece of themselves with you- and yet you take advantage of it and later on acting as if you’re the victim in this entire mess when YOU’VE started it. They’re strong enough to try and push through the uncomfortable feelings and screw up names and defend themselves because they know their boundaries, their worth. They clap back because it’s what you deserve. Advocating for themselves is never being difficult or acting as a victim. Their feelings are allowed to be expressed, they’re allowed to change their mind, disagree, express discomfort, and not always be silent or “chill” about everything.

I understand we all have our different opinions on things and it’s good to share it, there is nothing wrong with honesty and expressing but at this point (a long time ago it was a point) it isn’t even that. Opinions are really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding.

The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another's world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding. And yet it isn’t that now. It’s threats, harms, names, revealing, nosiness. Major difference between honest expressing and carelessly speaking and doing. Do ya’ll even rethink and reread what it is you’re typing before sending it? Of how that person has a life outside of this app that maybe is already affecting them enough and you come on here with your puterias, feeding your negative and fucked up energy to their minds and hearts, damaging them more? Why would you criticize another human being harshly? Have no decency? Have you ever felt the struggle between good and evil? Do you not have the capacity to keep your mind in your own business?

To shed your judgments on yourself instead of strangers? To learn out of your ignorance and into a place of acceptance and understanding? Do you not know what it's like to feel hated and let it scramble with you? If you did, you wouldn't pass opinions about people that are trying so hard to fight their way out of a personal hell. And then you’re there wondering why that person’s disappeared. It’s sickening and exasperating to see when people are unnecessarily mean. Like, you didn't have to make that comment. You could have just kept your mouth shut and left that person not feeling bad about themselves. What do you gain from making someone else feel like shit? Nothing of substance. Maybe a fleeting moment of power but that's gone as soon as it comes so why? There's enough unhappiness in the world without you adding to it.

This app isn’t- WASN’T for all of this…negativity, all this hatred, harassment, drama, toxicity. It was to escape from the real world for just a few moments, to create new bonds, to meet beautiful people in fandoms you could relate to and have a friendship with, to express yourself. To let others know you. But now, it seems the real world is just seeping through nearly everything and everyone, sharing a single post has everyone attacking you…it’s infuriating. It hurts too- you’re hurting people with your words. It’s disappointing to see what has become. And I'm sure we’re WAY better than all this. I know we’re all human, mistakes, flaws, bad paths we take. It’s normal and there's always going to be something bad and situations like these in life. And I realize that not every situation deserves a reaction, sometimes you just have to leave people to do the dumb shit they do. Sometimes we have to make peace with the fact that we might be the “villain” in someone else’s story even if we’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. We don’t get to tell them how to narrate their experience. But should we really make it a frequent occurrence every damn month? Do you not get annoyed by repeating the same cycle? By repeating the same words yet in a stronger way? Don’t y'all have a life, or have time to check yourselves first before hopping on here and calling someone a bitch? Ungrateful? Butting into someone’s personal life and revealing it? Asking weird uncomfortable questions and more shit that just irritates and hurts others? Grow up, please.

If they do unfollow you, delete, block, and leave— don’t think they’re being childish, petty, a “pussy” or that you’ve “won.”

It means your toxicity is invalid in their lives and they know their worth and appreciate their value. They don’t want any form of contact with that energy you have. They want to move on in peace and not give a damn of what you’re doing, thinking or saying. They have requirements, not expectations.

Don’t like the people on here? Block, delete, unfollow, unfriendly, erase, disconnect, turn off, and leave. Stir up whatever it is you want out of this app. Or if you are going to stick around, do us all a favor and shut up. Keep those thoughts and that energy to yourself…or a therapist. Matter a fact I don’t wish that on a therapist- turn to God. Seriously. He can handle you better than we all can. Don’t like what you read on a writer’s post? Bible- pick that up, work on kindness, respect, and humility. Thanks.

(I believe in you dizzy…all of you🤍)

oh wow. this was definitely a read but this is the sweetest and most realest thing ever ☹️☹️. like my eyes started to sweat☹️. thank you so so much, whoever sent this, REVEAL YOURSELF. SO I CAN KISS YOU ON THE MOUTH!! you have such a beautiful and kind heart, i really needed this. and i’m sure others do too ☹️☹️ thank you so much 🥹🥹 I CANT BREATHE!

tagging people who’ve been getting fuck shit in their inbox, i love you guys. ☹️🫶🏽: @zayswriting @vixentheplanet @marsolgy @verachii @inmyheadimobsessed

#dizzysinbox #like ur literally an angel #i’m gonna frame this

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deliciouswastelandgoddess · 2 years

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What makes a leader? - Kinn's Character Study

In the world of organized crime four things play a role in creating a leader

Nepotism

Popularity

Capability

Self confidence

One could argue that Kinn has the first three things working in his favour. He is the favoured son of the Patriarch ala Nepotism. We consistently see his underlings defending him and showing genuine protectiveness over him, popularity (Pete, Ken, Big go out of their way to uphold his honour).

And I know we been shitting on him since ep 9 but most of time he shows quick-thinking, level headedness, smart strategy, he always shows up for the family; there's your capability. He's not perfect and does lose control sometimes (when Porsche or Vegas are involved) but in general he is very thoughtful in his approach to every situation. I also like how he is never unnecessarily unkind to anyone who works for him or other people who don't (eg, Yok, Jom, the bread lady, etc.) . He is consistently polite to people and it's both a deliberate choice of his to be so and his natural personality.

The only chink in his armour is his own self confidence. Throughout the season so far the person who is the most critical of his abilities is himself. Sure his father advises and corrects him but thats just the natural correction and learning that everyone goes through in their lives - it doesn't mean he is not doing a good job (his father is also a little bit at fault here ngl but that's another story entirely). And sure the minor family constantly use underhanded and snipe remarks to undermine his position but again, that's just how the mafia world works.

So really the only one who is standing in the way of him being a confident and secure leader and also somehow have a fulfilling personal life is Kinn himself. Because of whatever happened with his first boyfriend he constantly feels guilty/insecure and thinks of his own soft heart as a weakness. He views his own sentimentality and attachment to his loved ones as a weakness (again his dad doesn't help as well). He hasn't reached that level of confidence and maturity where he realises that softness doesn't equal weakness.

To offset his soft image he uses outward cruelty and strict discipline - his mafia™ persona. Even his choices of clothes reflect this. It's not entirely his fault, the mob that answers to him also expects their leader to show some teeth but Kinn seems to lose himself in overplaying the Boss Man. This is the most evident in episode 1:

The fact of the matter is loyalty through fear can only go so deep. Loyalty through love and respect is how these organisations work and Kinn already has that! He doesn't realise it but he has it! He just needs to find a balance between being kind and being strict when he has to be - those two things are not mutually exclusive. You can actually see him growing in real-time. A key moment would be when he gave his gun to Porsche in ep 7. He listened to Papa Korn but also listened to his heart. He is already learning how to balance his life.

He still has a long way to go but even right now I think he is the best choice of all the brothers /cousins for this position.

And why is that? Why do I think Kinn makes a good leader even right now when he hasn't reached his true potential? Because he isn't obsessed with power. If anything he seems to hate it which is why you never see him misuse it or abuse it. He sees his position as a responsibility, a chore even and not some reward. He also understands that power is an illusion - he may have active power over the mob but the mob has passive power over him.

#kinnporsche #kinnporche the series #kinn theerapanyakul #mile pakhphum #kinnporsche analysis #kinnporsche meta

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cf56 · 1 year

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My thoughts on episode 8

SPOILERS for season 3, episode 8 of the Animaniacs reboot

Ah, time to watch another episode of Animaniacs, an episode I have definitely never seen before and definitely have not had an entire emotional breakdown over. The previews for this one got me hyped. I can't wait to see that 3D animation!

On a serious note, if you're a big fan of this episode, you probably shouldn't read this review. I'll try to avoid retreading ground I've already covered, and I'll try to keep my criticism reasonable and logical so hopefully everyone can at least see my side of things, even if you don't ultimately agree.

The episode starts off with the worst dialogue exchange ever written into Animaniacs.

It's just as shocking and painful to watch now as it was the first time. Wakko's expression here will haunt me and bring back bad memories for years to come.

This exchange is just such an impressively perfect storm of awfulness. If you changed any one thing about it, it wouldn't be so historically atrocious. It would still be bad, but not "makes me question my Animaniacs fandom" bad. What really sends it over the top for me is how Dot reacts to Wakko coming back and being alive. If she and Yakko simply greeted him cheerfully, it would be made super clear that it was entirely a joke and they were only messing around. I'd still hate it. I just wouldn't need to write a fic to cover it up. Instead, there's just no payoff. It's played straight until the end, when Dot is actually disappointed that her brother isn't actually dead. It's so unnecessarily overbearing. I know the entire thing is supposed to be sarcasm, but like... where's the joke? What's supposed to be funny about it? Haha, we don't value our brother and would be better off without him, but we don't actually mean it! Oh no, he's not actually dead, but I'm only being sarcastically disappointed over it. You can laugh now.

You know, I actually take it back. Dot's disappointment didn't really seem sarcastic at all. It just felt mean-spirited, straight up.

They had to realize something was wrong here. They specifically made it so Wakko didn't hear or react to what his siblings were saying. At least subconsciously, they knew that if Wakko heard it, the cruelty of the whole thing would be amplified tenfold. And it was already pretty damn amplified. Wakko not hearing it doesn't make this moment any better for the characters of Yakko and Dot.

I think these Warners are the real alien imposters, not the ones we saw in episode 6. They're implanted by aliens or the studio to make poor Wakko think he isn't loved.

It's pretty funny to hear the Warners say "Jackass Monkey" so casually.

No, Yakko, you are not technically a boomer. Baby boomers were born from 1946 to 1964. You were born in 1929, making you a member of the Silent Generation. (Ironic, isn't it?) Also, it doesn't even make a difference, since Wakko is the same age as you by that logic, and he clearly loves video games. Hey, you were the one who wanted to be technical about it.

Lore item: I believe this is our first confirmation ever that the Warners have red blood flowing through their veins, and not just ink or nothing. So, if they bled, they would canonically bleed red. Just a thought for all you angsty fan creators out there...

They also have real, organic organs and are not just inky blobs all the way through.

I thought the easter eggs were cool. Some folks probably didn't like them because they felt like teases for segments we never really got in the reboot, but I was fine with it.

Slappy still in the process of giving Chicken Boo that beating two seasons later.

I thought the 3D animation looked really nice. I was genuinely super excited to see it before the episode came out, and I hoped that the main thing I'd be doing was pausing to admire the animation. Other things overshadowed that, unfortunately.

On their own, the Wakko smells jokes would be fine. It's the kind of teasing that's in-bounds for the Warners, and this isn't the first time they've made fun of such a thing. Combined with what happened earlier, though, it just feels like the Wakko abuse keeps piling up. It feels like someone writing the episode randomly decided to choose Wakko as a target to pick on for the entire episode, and by proxy that makes it feel like Yakko and Dot randomly decided to choose Wakko as a target to pick on for the entire episode. It makes them feel like bullies. It's the total opposite of how their dynamic should be- take a few innocent jabs at your siblings, sure, but 99% of the harsh teasing should be directed outside of the group.

On a positive note, Wakko sticking his tongue out in 3D is really cute.

"Warner Brothers has STANDARDS! Well, not artistic standards, obviously."

Obviously...

Now, I said before that Yakko's apology to Wakko was a flimsy cop out, but I never went into detail on why I felt that way.

Let me be clear. If you removed the dialogue at the beginning at the episode, Yakko's apology would be a great sibling moment. I mean, reboot Yakko actually verbally expressing that he cares about Wakko? I'd be freaking out in a positive way. If it only happened after a couple jokes about Wakko's scent, it would be good.

However, taking into account everything that's happened, how Wakko has been a target to ruthlessly pick on since the instant the episode first started, the apology feels condescending and insincere to me.

If we got to the point that sweet, oblivious Wakko actually felt the need to call out his older brother, who he idolizes, over always picking on him, you know it's already pretty bad. He even points out one of the primary issues with it- Yakko is punching down when he makes fun of Wakko. Wakko is his little sibling who he's supposed to protect and support.

Yakko then responds with the same logic a schoolyard bully uses. "Come on, can't you take a joke?" The bully says, after making a target out of this one kid for the entire schoolyear. You might call it an overreaction to compare Yakko to a bully here. For one, I'm only using an example to show why this moment doesn't hit for me. Secondly, at least I had the sense to edit out the lines where I compared him to an abuser. Thirdly, I agree. It's a tragedy that I'm comparing Yakko to a bully right now. Wakko spoke up to try to defend himself against his siblings, and Yakko's response wasn't to genuinely apologize and promise to stop doing it- it was to justify his behavior and dig in deeper. Sibling teasing is sibling teasing, but if your family member who you love has to actually come up to you and tell you point blank that it's going too far, and you refuse to see the error of your ways, that's when it's really gone too far.

The last reason this is a flimsy apology- if this is how you express your love for Wakko, because picking on him is easier than saying you care, then why don't you do the same to Dot? There's still clearly favoritism being shown here towards one sibling, which is awful. Also, it's not how you show your affection. We've seen how Yakko shows affection. We've seen it explicitly, and it's nothing like this. Go watch Wakko's Wish if you don't know what I'm talking about.

I at least appreciate that they always kept the Warners as one unit and didn't ever have them fight each other.

I did find the echoed "d'ah"s to be funny, even as I was watching this the first time with my soul being ripped in two.

I didn't watch Starbox and Cindy the first time around, so as far as I'm concerned this is the entire new episode for me this time. I thought it was clever how they had a battle over lights in a child's room. I thought it was sad how Starbox has been Stockholm Syndromed into loving the self-admitted scary monster.

Through 8 episodes, there have been as many Starbox and Cindy segments as there have been Warner songs.

I feel like the Gold Warners had more potential than this. The concept of alternate copies of the Warners for the Warners to battle is interesting, but the problem is that these copies are nothing like the regular Warners. They don't talk, so you can't actually have an interesting battle of personalities that would naturally make up a Warner vs. Warner fight.

Wakko defending Dot is a GOLDEN sibling moment. But... you know what I'm about to say. I would freak out and cherish this moment forever in almost any other context. In the context it's been given, it only makes me kind of sad. Because Wakko still has a heart of gold, Wakko still stays loyal and true to his siblings, even when they have thoroughly proven they don't deserve it. And even when Wakko steps up to defend his siblings, and ends up being the one to save the day and show them how to get out of there, they don't even mention it afterwards. They don't apologize for how they treated him. They don't thank him for saving them. If there was only some kind of payoff at the very end, it would be at least a little palatable. There just isn't. Wakko is the only Warner who comes out of this episode looking like a good sibling. It just gives me the image of my mind of Yakko and Dot as bullies to their innocent brother who loves them unconditionally despite everything they've done to him, which is not even close to how the Warners should be in reality or how they're portrayed in any other episode.

Just Ralph being a better friend to Wakko than his own siblings in this episode:

I guess I should briefly talk about the video game characters in this episode.

Honestly, the best part about them was their names and character designs.

In this episode, Wakko:

-Heard his sister celebrating his death

-Still happily interacted with his sibs immediately after and got them into something that makes him happy

-Sat around and took care of the tower by himself for six months while his sibs played his favorite video game, not even playing with them or being able to talk to them at all

-After Yakko and Dot came back to consciousness, Yakko immediately physically fought with him over the privilege of being player 1

-Got a lame special move compared to his siblings

-Got his smell constantly made fun of by his own siblings

-Had to call Yakko out over it and got a paper-thin "apology" as a response

-Defends his sister, despite everything, by hurting himself. This is the second time in the episode he's gotten smashed by his own mallet.

-Fights with Ralph over the remote as soon as he gets out so he can save his siblings from the game

-Does not even get a hug or a smile from his siblings once they're out due to his heroics. At least, not one we were shown.

This episode is frustrating. There's so much good about it. The animation is so cool. There are funny jokes. There are multiple great sibling moments on a level above anything else we've explicitly seen in the reboot. If only that first minute was cut completely, I would consider this a great episode. It wasn't cut, unfortunately, and it drags everything else down with it. Doesn't it almost feel like the writers of this episode put in a bunch of wholesome sibling moments, realized they didn't want to give us that much, and decided to "balance it out" with all that awfulness? If that is the case, I hate it even more. They simply don't understand what we want from these characters. Is it fair to say an entire episode is bad because of one horrible dialogue at the very start? Honestly, I don't really care. That dialogue doesn't just drag down this episode. It drags down the season, the reboot, and my entire Animaniacs fandom. I can't help how I feel.

I don't think, even after everything I've said, that you guys understand the true depth of the effect this episode has had on me. When I was first spoiled over the infamous lines, I was at a point where I was feeling more passionate over Animaniacs and writing than I had since I first started all of this. I had just finished reading a fic, Don't You Forget About Me, that destroyed me in the good, angsty kind of way. That fic is about the Warners being magically made to forget about one another. It tore me apart to read about their relationships being destroyed so easily in the fic, to see them turned against each other. When I read that spoiler, back in early January, it was like it had all come true. What meaning does it have to read about them forgetting about each other when they apparently never had much care for each other in the first place? All the deep feelings I was feeling over that fic completely disappeared, in literally an instant. I went back to read it, and I felt nothing. (Through no fault of the fic- it's still really great.) At the time, I had an angsty one shot in the works, I was getting progress on so many fics at once. Reading that spoiler killed all that passion in an instant. Put simply, if this dialogue never existed, you would have gotten about 4-5 more fanfic releases from me over the past month than you actually got. I've barely touched any of those WIPs since.

Despite all the good, I can't ever forgive this episode for what it did to me. It has been super touching to feel all the love from the fandom after I expressed my emotions over this episode. It's nice to know we're in the same boat. Even after all of that, even with all the good in this episode, if I had the option to erase it from existence completely, to make it as if it never happened, would I do it?

Yes. In a heartbeat. I'm still not sure if my fandom will recover from what this episode did to me.

If you're a defender of that dialogue, I want you to know that I respect your opinion. I also want you to know that we're simply not on the same wavelength when it comes to how we view this show and its characters. Could those lines be classified as just harmless sibling banter? Maybe in your sibling relationship, but not in mine. It's been a little insulting to me to see the few out there who have claimed that only those without siblings would take issue over these lines. I've watched 133 episodes of Animaniacs and one movie. I've dedicated half my life to this show. I can tell you that what the Warners did here is not even close to in-character for them. To me, it truly feels like Yakko and Dot were replaced by unfeeling aliens for an episode.

Was this the least entertaining episode of Animaniacs ever? Far from it. If you showed this season to someone off the street who's never seen Animaniacs, they almost certainly wouldn't rank this episode as the worst of all of them. They'd probably rank it as one of the best. 90% of it is good, after all. 5% of it is mindblowingly bad. If someone who hasn't watched Animaniacs before saw this episode and only this episode, what impression would they get of the sibling relationship between Yakko, Wakko, and Dot? To me, they'd come off as bullies to the one true-hearted member of the group, Wakko, and that's heartbreaking to think about. So, while I gave it some thought, I can't do it. I can't rank this episode anywhere other than last. I hope to God that it stays there.

My current ranking of season 3 episodes:

Episode 6

Episode 3

Episode 7

Episode 4

Episode 2

Episode 1

Episode 5

Episode 8

Feel free to add to the never-ending discussion over this episode if you want, but don't say anything about any of the episodes that come after. They're all I have left to look forward to.

#animaniacs #animaniacs season 3 #animaniacs reboot #animaniacs 2020 #animaniacs screenshots #animaniacs analysis #animaniacs spoilers #animaniacs episode 8 #cfposts

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lawluenvy · 2 years

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anyways there are two types of kaeluc shippers:

1. the problematic ones, obviously, who ship it because they like incest and do in fact consider them brothers but hide behind the idea that they aren't related by blood to deflect criticism

2. the ones that don't consider them brothers, and view them more as close childhood friends. kaeya was "adopted" rather late to be truly considered a "brother" in the blood sense, related or not. family? yeah of course. he was taken in by diluc's dad as if he was a son- but friends are just chosen family, aren't they?

honestly, a lot of the discourse about this reminds me of sheith. i was a mega sheith shipper and we would get so much hate from immature tweens and teens who make everything unnecessarily sexual and problematic because they're on the internet unsupervised and exposing themselves to questionable content from questionable sources before they've developed the ability to understand these terms themselves, and so they latch on to whatever idea they see first and if it's a hateful one, then that'll be it until they grow up and start building a sense for these concepts themselves with a cummulative, better informed definition. this happens at different ages for everyone, but one thing for sure is that people on the internet are really stupid sometimes. people like things to be black and white, because they think it's easier, and they're scared of being wrong, so they impose strict worldviews on everything, disregarding every other person's experiences to put theirs on top. but that's not how the universe works. people see and experience things differently from one another, so you could be equally wrong as you are right about something somewhere.

looking into kaeluc more, i recognized some of the sheith shipper struggles in the kaeluc shipper struggles, and realized i was judging kaeluc shippers unfairly. i hated the idea of kaeluc right off the bat even before looking into it cuz i heard "brother" and envisioned a situation where kaeya was adopted as a baby and thus would truly have been raised alongside diluc as a brother, never having known different. i doubt i'm the only one who thought that.

but it turns out that's not what happened.

kaeya was already his own person by the time he was taken in, and had memories of another father and another family. no matter how close he may have grown to crepus and diluc, he has clear, indisputable memories of other family before them. yes, crepus became his "adoptive" father. but that doesn't mean he ever truly viewed diluc as a brother in a familial way, and vise versa. they were "sworn brothers," whatever the hell that meant to them. it could be; hell yeah you are my brother and i am reluctantly related to you the way i would be a blood brother, or; i feel very close to you, we've shared many experiences together and you've seen sides of me that typically only family would see.

it is well within the realm of possibility, and not even weird, that kaeya and diluc could have had romantic feelings for each other at some point. it would be no different than crushing on the boy next door. just because they eat dinner together and sleep in the same house doesn't mean they're automatically related. residential and family law would get super weird if shared tenanacy meant you became immediate family.

my first crush was at the age of like 4 years old and i still remember it well. it was silly, but it was innocent. kids love each other all the time, and no, it isn't weird to talk about or acknowledge that. you can't just throw around loaded terms like "pedo" every time someone discusses children. respect them the way you do other human beings and recognize that kids have feelings. and they're allowed to have feelings. it's not weird, it's just fact. it's our job as adults to help kids with their feelings and to understand them- and we can't do that if we pretend they don't exist in the first place.

and as far as kaeluc goes, they were like 11 /12! we don't know the exact age but this is the estimation since kaeya was old enough to accept a secret and serious mission.

do you remember being that age? it was fucking wild. i was hormonal as fuck. i developed crushes on anyone who treated me like a person for one brief second cuz most other people were mean, and bullies. i had a new crush everyday and honestly that was so valid. it's not like i was harassing people, i just let other the presence of nice and cute people make parts of my day a better time.

proximity and a smile is all it takes at that age. any age, really.

so basically, shipping kaeluc doesn't automatically make you an immoral person, because, as is fact, they aren't brothers by blood, opening up the concept of their brotherhood to interpretation. they were already growing individuals at the time they met and lived together.

so yeah, some kaeluc shippers are fucked up and gross but others really aren't at all. some just genuinely respect their relationship, and see two men that have a beautiful bond.

i didn't think of it that way until i came across this kaeluc fanart that just really stuck with me. it wasn't sexual at all. just tender, and sweet. the artist really captured this idea of two men that care a lot about each other despite their complicated history. it didn't feel like i was looking at something that should be wrong. it looked like a worried partner kissing the other goodbye before a dangerous mission. it looked just like any other romantic relationship where someone is at risk of dying everyday they go to work.

so i gave them a chance, and looked more into it.

and now, i've really warmed up to the kaeluc ship if i take the perspective i did with sheith: they aren't at all related, they're friends who happened to grow up together and could be seen or described as brothers but really it's up for debate because no one version currently has any more validity than the other.

it's all pedantics, and we could argue this forever cuz unfortunately, we don't really have a way of determining to what degree they are "brothers" since they don't call each other that anymore, and there has been conflict surrounding the translation of the term that has been used in the first place.

the only way we'd know is by talking to them. but they're fictional characters.

and we're allowed to headcanon things about fictional characters.

you could be right or wrong and we might never know for sure. it's not like i can sit kaeya down and be like "how do you really feel about diluc?" or do the same with diluc.

one thing for sure is that they do care about each other, all the fighting aside.

and that's sweet, and it shouldn't be punishable by death to see that caring as romantic because it very well could be.

we really don't know

if any more clarity comes out i'll be paying attention to it but as of now, i no longer have any qualms with kaeluc as a ship in its own right

reallllllly excited for the diluc event tho!!! i just adore his new skin!!!!

#rant #mine #kaeluc #sheith #genshin #fandom

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sockhatingsapphic · 2 years

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my thoughts on buddie as "toxic shipping"

i recently read a post that discussed "toxic shipping" of mlm ships by straight women and their main/first example was buddie so i wanna talk about that. i won't be linking that post because i don't want people to hate on the op and clog their notes unnecessarily.

more thoughts and correct capitalization under the cut:

However, I do want to say that people often assume that the main shippers of mlm couples are cishet women and that is very often not true. I can't say this definitively, of course, and I've heard horror stories of middle-aged cishet white women who literally write mlm fanfiction but aren't cool with real life gay people (especially lesbians). However, as a (cis, white) lesbian I have many other queer friends who enjoy mlm fanfiction.

Okay, now more specifically with Buddie. I don't remember the exact points in this critique, but I'm going to try to focus on the ones I do remember. Hopefully, if that op finds this, they won't think I'm completely twisting their words. The first thing I want to say is that I don't know if the op has watched the show or just interacted with the fanbase. Either way, I have done both and want to add some insight.

Firstly, a big problem with non-canon mlm shipping is when fans hate on the real female love interests in the source material. Buddie fans definitely do this, but I want to give a bit of defense, centering three of the most important female love interests of both Buck and Eddie.

Abby Clark (Buck)

I don't have beef with Abby as a person or a character, but she very much hurt Buck and the way she left was a bit of an asshole move. I haven't seen a lot of criticism of her other than that and I think criticizing that is fair.

2. Ana Flores (Eddie)

Ana does get an unreasonable amount of hate, but it's still not that much from my POV? Most of what I've seen of Ana hate is just fanfiction where she is extremely OOC, and she doesn't show up enough on-screen for the audience to truly know her character. I think people mostly use her as a plot device, which is unfair but also kinda what happens to her in canon too. I also want to mention racism in connection with people hating Ana, as I am sure it (both consciously and unconsciously) affects how she is perceived, but as a white woman who has not done a lot of research I'm going to leave it there for other people to dig deeper into.

3. Taylor Kelly (Buck)

Oh Taylor Kelly. She is a much more active character than Ana, and even more than Abby simply because she's been in more seasons. Taylor has a very dynamic character on the show, and she gets a lot of that "canon female love interest of half of an mlm ship" hate. But also, Taylor Kelly fucking sucks! In canon, her and Buck have finally broken up, so I don't see a problem in saying that they were not right for each other, plus she did a bunch of really shitty stuff to the firehouse. She was literally introduced in an episode where she filmed the 118 while they were non-consensually drugged! And left after an episode where she made a promise to Buck about keeping their privacy and then immediately broke that promise for her job. Okay, I don't want to make this just a Taylor Kelly hate post, so that's all I'm gonna say about her. I understand that she has her own motivations and trauma but she's still done a lot of bad things and I am glad Buck broke up with her.

OKAY DONE WITH THAT

The other main point that the op had was that it's shitty to call a ship queerbaiting if there are already queer people/couples in the show, and representation of other diverse peoples (paraphrasing, please don't attack them). This is... kinda obviously not true? I mean, one of the best (worst for the audience) examples of queerbaiting is Sterek, which comes from a show with a Latin lead and at least a few queer side characters. Another good example is Supernatural, which does not have any main characters of color or queer characters (as far as I remember, and I'm not including Castiel because he was queer for like 5 seconds before dying), but has several POC and queer side characters, including some recurring characters like Charlie (and others, idk i don't watch spn sorry).

"But Zoe, those are different! 9-1-1 has main characters that are queer and POC!" This is true, but the importance of their queerness and/or race is rarely touched upon. Think about it: Hen and Karen get about 2 episodes per season that actually focuses on them and their relationship, and one of the first ones is literally Hen cheating. Not really fantastic representation. Also, like, queer people often flock together, so having more than one queer main character is not "unrealistic" or whatever the problem is.

Lastly, I want to talk about Buddie itself.

I don't really think it can be called full queerbaiting, because I think that has to go beyond the screen and include promotional footage (like Sterek) and cons (like Destiel), which I haven't seen any of. However, I am fairly new to the fandom, and only found out Oliver Stark is British like two months ago. So maybe there have been outside hints that could make Buddie queerbait if it doesn't become canon. Either way, there's definitely something there, and I don't appreciate the way outsiders have gaslit fandoms for several years into thinking they've just "put on shipping goggles" or something like that.

We all saw Eddie's entrance to the show, right? When "What A Man" starts playing as Buck slow-mo turns around to see Eddie half-naked? I don't think this ship is the end-all be-all of TV romance, but it's definitely got a lot of hints in there that were purposeful by the actors, directors, editors, and crew. If not queerbaiting, they have definitely participated in some queer-coding/romance-coding of this couple and we are not insane for noticing that.

ANYWAY

that's it, and I hope I didn't accidentally co-opt a discussion of a deeper topic, but I want other shippers (god I hate that word it sounds so juvenile) to know that we're not insane or seeing things no one else does.

thanks for reading and also all the fish!

#buddie #long post #discussion #shipping discourse #shipping discussion #mlm ship #queerbait #queerbait discourse

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unravelingthepages · 1 year

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Infernal Fall- Book Review

Hi! Infernal Fall by Bryan Timothy Mitchell is a book I just finished and the first of a series. It was released earlier this year. I enjoyed it!

I was intrigued reading the blurb of this book, to say the least, and the book delivered on all my questions. This is a Christian fantasy novel that takes us on a journey into the layers of Hell with the main character, Daniel, who just so managed to fall into Hell. Literally.

The Plot

There is only one way out of Hell.

Daniel Strong is a troubled young man with only one bright spot in his life—his girlfriend, Kristine. He hopes to propose to her on a hike in the mountains, but a mysterious artifact in a dark cavern ruins his plan. Things quickly go downhill—literally—as handling the ‘keystone’ causes Daniel to fall straight into Hell, leaving Kristine behind.

A soul-harvesting demon tells him the only way out is through, that he must go to Satan and bargain for his freedom. But the shadow-man responsible for leaving the keystone behind tries to show him there’s another way out. Against his better judgment, Daniel finds himself listening to the demon’s claims that appealing to the Master of the Underworld himself is his only choice.

As the unlikely group traverses the many levels of Hell, hurt, anger, and fear hound Daniel, reminding him how hopeless his efforts truly are. All Daniel can do is push forward in hopes of making it back to Kristine. Will Daniel heed Kristine’s words to choose life? Or will he succumb to the lies pulling him down with every step?

Book Review-

This book follows three characters. We see each of their perspectives as they somehow find themselves a team, travelling through Hell. I’m not going to lie, I got frustrated with them a lot and hated Daniel. But it’s also what kept me intrigued in the book, if that makes sense?

The world building is done well. It was easy to follow along to and for once, I didn’t find myself skimming through the parts which had imagery. I finished the entire read in a day itself.

I don’t actually think I can expand more on the book without giving spoilers but I will say this-

The book is well-paced.

It was fun seeing familiar characters like Lilith and Azazael play cameos here.

The entire concept of Hell and the layers of Hell was well-done and I loved reading about them through the story.

The only criticism I had with the book was the at times iffy character development. I would have loved to see more of it and maybe more deep insights into why they are how they are. Daniel was so unnecessarily angry all the time and that was his character trait but it didn’t explain why a supposedly ruthless demon would let him punch him. I also found it weird that the demon wasn’t better at hiding his emotions, I mean, shouldn’t you be a better actor after living in Hell for years? And lastly, the way both the demon and Beau went along with Daniel when he clearly wasn’t a fit leader. Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

All-in-all, I would definitely recommend this book to you if you enjoy Christian fiction, think about different interpretations of the afterlife and such.

Thank you to bookinfluencers.com and the author for my free e-book of this read.

In order to keep me up to my ears in books please consider using the following amazon affiliate link to purchase this read. It would be at no extra cost to you and would really help me out, thank you!

purchase this read: https://amzn.to/3to1msu [it’s on Kindle Unlimited!!]

‘just one more chapter’ is the very unhealthy motto I live by

#book blog #book review #book reviews #Christian fiction #Infernal Fall #reading #bibliophile #bookblr #book blogger

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railmeoveryourheadstone · 4 months

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Rules

General rules

Roleplay style

I am most comfortable roleplaying "book style". Meaning dialogue is in "" and actions are outside of that. However, the length can vary depending on who I am roleplaying with, the circumstances of the roleplay, and tense/POV is the same.

Just don't make responses too long, please, perhaps four reasonable paragraphs at max. I am a tired soul and do not have the energy to respond to line of text upon line of text. Plus, too much text can make it difficult for me to properly react to everything in your post. Cause of the nature of this blog, I may take a while to respond depending on my mental state.

18+ muns only and moots only

Considering the nature of this blog, I will not be roleplaying with minors, sorry. Ageless blogs will be blocked. I am also more comfortable roleplaying with moots, feel free to follow me. I'll look over your blog and, if I want to roleplay you, I'll follow you from my main! If not I will probably hard block (since soft blocks can be overlooked and it also helps me because my memory sucks).

If you do not wish to roleplay with me and I follow you, a roleplaying blog, please block me. My main blog is @silver-heller.

Don't be a dick

Here are some things I've experienced that I consider dickish behavior and that will lead to an immediate block:

Insisting I purposefully went against a prompt or response/am meta gaming. Assumptions make an ass out of you and me. If you are unsure what one of my responses means, all you have to do is ask. I am especially sensitive to this when I often check my responses at least a million times, so don't be a butt about it.

Controlling my character or backseat roleplaying (dictating how I play my character).

Shitting on certain types of roleplayers unnecessarily or constantly participating in/stirring up discourse. In my opinion it is best to block and do your own thing instead and I hate discourse.

Nitpicking responses. I am typically okay with changing responses if we want the RP to go a certain direction or a missed/misunderstood something. Doesn't give you permission to play the roll of the RP critic.

Meta gaming or making your character over powered to force the roleplay in a certain direction. Communication is key, roleplay isn't a battle.

Being a bigot. And yes, before you ask, I consider things like "my character likes women so wouldn't date a transwomen" transphobic. Get the heck out of here. Yes, this also includes people who paint plural people as crazy or alters as evil ("I'm crazy cause I talk to people in my head" type of jokes and attitudes will get you blocked).

Treating me like I am my muse. I am not, we are not the same person.

Don't do any of these things and we should get along swell!

A block is a block

A block is code for, "I really don't want you in my space, like, at all. Please leave me alone". Don't send your friends after me looking for an explanation, don't block evade through another account, don't jump through hoops so you can see my blog again and please for the love of all that is holy don't stalk the blog you aren't supposed to see.

If you feel the need to vaguepost about me, block me

If you don't feel you can come to me about something or genuinely that annoyed at me, please block me instead of vagueposting and just hoping I'll see it. It's not a good way to communicate and just leads to hurt feelings.

What you do after that point is your business, but don't be a dick and consider my rule above.

Here are the general things I won't roleplay

Assault, CSA, incest, or abuse of any kind. If it is in the character's past that is okay, but it can not involve my muse and if it's romanticized, it's an instant block. Abusive relationships with my muse are a no go.

Muse death is really not my thing, sorry.

I do not like animal abuse or eye gore, please avoid them, thank you.

I will not roleplay with any muses under 20 on this blog, sorry.

Spicy Rules

Style note

I tend to be uncomfortable using the direct phrases when it comes to certain body parts, so I might use other terms for them. Terms such as sex, piece, stick, flower, delicate part, privates, etc. If you're not comfortable with that or plan to be judgemental about it, don't follow me!

My policy on ships

Just because our characters sleep together does not mean I ship them. I ship based off emotional chemistry. If we roleplay, and you end up wanting to ship our characters, let me know! I'm general, don't assume relationships and discuss with me first. Aka don't start roleplaying with me and suddenly be like "they're best friends from the old days actually" or something.

Here are the spicy things I won't roleplay

Rough or forceful things.

Anything involving pain, bleeding, or physical injury, whips, crushing, and biting included.

Daddy/Mommy dynamics.

"Punishments" are a no go for me.

Intense sub/dom. I just really don't like aggressive or forceful doms, I prefer gentle doms who are very in tune with their subs.

Male pregnancy or pregnancy/breeding in general.

Feet stuff isn't for me, sorry.

I don't like anything involving waste like poop or urine. I am also not comfortable with anything involving blood or corpses.

Feel free to send in the code "love me dead" to let me know you've read the rules!

#rules💀

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truc0nfessionz · 2 years

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things are getting more serious with ivy. it's hard to deny that.

she loves me. she knows she does. she says it every day, and based on her actions i believe her.

it's hard because i was here a few months ago with aziza - begging for this. begging for her to say she was here. begging for her to say she cared. begging for her to love me and show up for me.

and still, it's hard to accept this love for a few reasons.

first, i feel guilty.

loving ivy means letting go of the possibility (for now) that it could be B. and in the back of my mind, i guess i always hoped that it would be. maybe there's a part of me that still does.

but to miss out on the love that's pouring itself in my lap? to miss out on this amazing human who makes me soul feel light. who adores me. who loves me in all the ways i have been wanting.

i can't do that. i won't do it. i deserve to be happy.

the second reason it's hard to accept is because i fear judgement.

judgement from the nuggets the most.

i would hate to hear the criticism that i wasn't single for long enough

and i want to acknowledge that it comes from a place of love

but it also comes from a place of judgement, and i don't need that from friends.

i want to be happy. i want to be well. i'm not going to make my life unnecessarily hard.

i am sad about the B thing. if i think about it for more than 2 seconds, i am very sad. because i love B. i'll always love B. i love our memories together. i love all the laughs, all the things we learned, all the sketchy situations. we basically grew up together. and for that, B will never be replaced.

but as much as i'll always love B, it's not the right time for us to be together. and i guess this is the first time i've felt something really serious for someone where i felt like they might actually fill that position in my life.

it hurts to allow someone to stand near where B once stood. but i also know right now, that person shouldn't be B. not at this moment. we still have so much growing to do. we still have so much learning.

i'm sad for the ways in which we became nasty with each other in the end. i'm sad for the ways in which i contributed to our demise. i'm sad for the ways we're angry with each other and may never be able to forgive.

but i genuinely believe this person has been in my life for a reason. i love B and i always will. and i hope whatever iteration comes next for us is one of peace, of love, of happiness for one another - if we're together or apart.

i hope there is never hate or bad energy between us in the universe, because sometimes, B feels a part of me. i don't know if that feeling will ever go away.

and i adore Ivy. i can see myself loving her so much. but she will be an addition to my life, she can never replace who B was to me. who B will always be to me.

B is my very best friend. she has been for years. i am devastated by the fact that we aren't in each others lives right now, but i understand why. i hate that i'm causing her pain. i hate that she feels pain. and for that i feel so guilty. i feel like the only thing there is to do is stay away - let her heal for real. maybe she would've by now if i didn't always pop up out of the wood work.

i know that the universe's timing never misses. everything is in God's plan. but sometimes i'm scared i'm doing the wrong thing.

i'm not. i'm divinely protected. but holy shit, am i ever scared.

#8.29.22 #self check

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thecreelhouse · 2 years

Note

Another B*lly ask here ignore if you don't want to have this discussion on your blog, because I honestly understand not wanting to interact with this topic.

Going off that other anon, yes B*lly stans really blame Max for a lot of things than her abuser. There were a bunch of people who were angry at Max's speech in vol2, saying the Duffers just shit on B*lly even in death and it was apparently ooc for Max to wish for B*lly to dissappear, those are the words of the Duffers not Max because they are evil people. It's insane to me because I feel like I watched a completely different show than them, because they think after s2 Max and him were close and had a almost normal relationship. I mean I shit on the Duffers constantly, but one thing I have to give to them is how they handled both Max and El's relationship with their abusers. I was skeptical before s4 (especially when the first reviews said something about Max avenging B*llys death) but they did a good job showcasing how complicating those relationships can be. As soon as I heard Max say she wished B*lly would dissappear I knew how much hate she would get from those fans. I mean like the other anon said, they believe her standing up to him in s2 was her perpetuating Neil's abuse and makes her like the same level as him, I know it sounds so fucking dumb. It's not like she had to watch her brother almost kill a guy, who was probably the first one to stand up for her. Speaking of Steve, they also justify him getting beat up because he in their eyes threw the first punch unnecessarily, completely ignoring B*llys violence towards Lucas. Plus some even go so far to say B*lly thought of Steve as a pedophile for not telling him the truth about Max's whereabouts. This is by far the most insane take I've seen so far like I was speechless.

They also shit on Caleb after the interview, saying his opinion doesn't matter, only Dacre's who apparently played him as non racist. I think that says everything about them, dismissing the things the main black actor says about their clearly racist fav. Even when people acknowledge B*llys racism it's always compared with no those are Neils beliefs he just repeats them, as if that's not what racism is lol. They always blame anyone but B*lly, he was 18 years old not a child who didn't know better he could start think for himself. I understand he was abused himself, and nobody deserves that but it's not an excuse for his actions. They baby him so much but at the same time are hyper critical of Max who is an abuse victim herself. Saying she should have known better or reach out more, etc. Like Max was 13/14 she's a child trying her best ugh.

I'm sorry this is so long, but B*lly stans just make me so angry. Like I get some of them, I've seen reasonable takes about his characters but others are just something else. When I first watched the show without being in the fandom, I'm new to it, I was neutral towards B*lly, like I disliked him in a normal way but then his stans tried to make him out to be this completely different character than he was canonically and it just made me hate B*lly sm. The complete opposite of what they wanted to accomplish.

no bb you’re so so so okay and your feelings about it are so valid bc it’s so beyond fucked. the way they throw him up on a pedestal and try framing survivors of his abuse as the abusers is SUUUUUUCH a scary tactic that abusers use commonly irl. i think that’s one of the main reasons why i can’t fuck with anyone who stans him. that and the racism obviously.

and honestly i know anyone could come at me and try to be like “but you write about kurt!!!1!1!1!” like…. ya babes but I don’t deny his character was fucking awful too lmao like. at least own up to the fact that your fave is problematic, recognize that, and maybe don’t internalize it and try to mirror his mindset/actions/words bc that’s just fucked.

anyway back to your points— yeah that’s textbook abusive behavior, deflecting the damage you’ve done on others to make it seem like you’re the victim. max did what she could to protect herself and the party because no fucking adults listened, and b*lly wasn’t stupid, he knew when and where it was safe to unleash hell on her. constantly a dick , but we saw behind closed doors how fucking scary he got.

also that’s so fucking infuriating that they’re being so dismissive of a black actor’s perspective on their character. like….. how fucked do you have to be in the head to try and argue that caleb doesn’t know what he’s talking about lmfao….. and these are the same folks that will have blm in their bios but try to ignore the blatant racist views their fave had. even if it was “indirect” at some points, anyone that doesn’t have fucking hay for brains would recognize that immediately after watching b*lly interact with lucas.

even if he DID get those views from neil, you’re absolutely right, he’s old enough to know better enough that that’s fucked up, old enough to know he has a lot of unlearning to do. and i get it, if we really want to get technical, i know the american schooling system has always taught us that racism is a thing of the past, and back when you didn’t have internet at your fingertips, living in a small sheltered town of mostly white folks, it’s not hard to fall into those shit mindsets. that is NOT me excusing any of this by the way!!! point is b*lly definitely knew how to be a bully, and it grew into something so much worse. trauma can really fuck a person up but it’s NOT AN EXCUSE!!!!! i say that firsthand lmao like i have lost people due to my outbursts and bad episodes and taking it out on them unintentionally but it’s something i still take responsibility for you know? you don’t get out of jail free card that just because you’re suffering yourself. just because you’re hurting doesn’t give you an excuse to hurt others!!!!!!!!!

sorry i’m rambling lmfao. anyway. the mental gymnastics they go through to defend their shitbag fave is absolutely astonishing. the disconnect to reality and the cherry picking is so fucking ass backwards; there’s no reason for them to try and defend him with “he was abused!!!!!!! where’s ur empathy!!!!!!!!!” and then go and excuse the fact that he literally wanted to beat (and probably kill if he could) lucas just because he’s black. i just can’t say enough how fucking insane it all is.

#sorry i’m so scatterbrained today bb but i so so appreciate you sharing ur thoughts!!!#y’all are always welcomed to share thoughts as long as ur not being a jerk to me or anyone else here but anyway #answered

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separatist-apologist · 2 years

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What do you think of Nessian both ACOWAR and ACOSF? Personally I’m in a very hate nessian(mostly the Cassian part) phase that idk how I’ll ever get over.

Your feelings are valid, anon. I think Cassian was characterized very specifically in ACOWAR/ACOMAF as like, the other side of the coin to Nesta. If Nesta is a solid wall, Cassian is the wrecking ball. He knows precisely how to get beneath her skin because they are mirrors of each other in some ways. In ACOWAR (and ACOMAF to some extent), it felt like Cassian was doing this as a way to get Nesta to be honest- with him but also herself. Almost like a trust fall. It read to me as "I see you for what you are and I like it" and "You don't have to pretend around me".

And it was working. Nesta, who cannot make herself trust anyone, SCREAMS for him, saving his life. He is the only person who can motivate her to help when she doesn't want to. She takes up the role as healer almost in direct conflict to her thoughts of him on the battle field- if Cassian is the warrior, Nesta is a different sort of protector. His soldiers fall and he can bring them to her to be bandaged.

And while ACOWAR had its problems in their relationship, she demonstrates that she is literally willing to die for him, body covering his, trying to shield him from Hybern. It was reminiscent of ACOMAF when, shredded wings, unconscious, Cassian is still crawling across the floor to try and keep her from going into the Cauldron. They literally say "Until death do us part"

And then ACOSF took all of that and said "it didn't mean anything". Nesta is traumatized from the war and instead of finding a way in like he'd always done before, Cassian participates in the isolation in a way that felt deeply out of character. I don't believe for a moment ACOWAR Cassian would have left Nesta to fester like that.

ACOSF shows that Cassian is mercurial and moody and worst of all, DEEPLY insecure. He's had 500 years to deal with being a bastard and yet every time Nesta tries to make him understand how she feels, he throws that in her face or makes it the topic of conversation. Cassian seems hell bent on breaking Nesta done more than she already is, needling her unnecessarily and he gets a pass because men are allowed to react with rage and anger as acceptable emotions but women are not (which is why I think a lot of the Nesta criticism comes from a place of deep misogyny.). Nesta will say something mean "I hate Rhys" and Cassian will not take the high road "Well everyone hates you, too." Imagine hearing Rhysand say that to Feyre when she's suicidal. And we're in Cassian's head, so we KNOW he knows she's suffering. He just gets mad and says whatever he wants, knowing it will hurt her, and he gets all these passes from the fandom because these books are deeply heteronormative and the scripts for acceptable male behavior have been ingrained in readers.

Consider when Nesta tumbles down the steps. Azriel, at dinner, hesitates. "Did someone do this to you?" he asks, glancing at Cassian. It's not funny. We're in Cassian's head for it. Cassian knows Azriel thinks he hurt Nesta. He's not offended by it.

And if that's who Cassian is, then the book should have been them growing to meet each other in the middle. But Cassian's POV exists only to push along the plot and I think that's why he is the way he is. He's there to tell us whats going on with Koschei, with Hybern and Eris and the human Queens. Nesta, trapped in the house of wind, can't know those things so we need a vehicle to see all that stuff but like OH MY GOD who cared about so much of it? Briallyn was another one dimensional villain with no stakes because her personality was literally defined by "do crime" which is not compelling.

I'm writing a dissertation. JFC I have so many feelings. Like I understand why Cassian ended up how he did in some ways. The character belongs to SJM and I know people are like, you're arrogant for thinking you could do better than the literal author but I do think fundamentally SJM did not understand what made Nessian so compelling. They were so different from Feysand, their dynamic was rough and tumble and I think people wanted to see more of the man who joked around with Feyre but also went to war for her on that ice lake in Winter Court, and instead we got the worst boyfriend we'd all collectively ever dated.

And only ACOSF Cassian could make Neris a compelling ship. I think if ACOSF had been ACOWAR Cassian/Nesta, Neris would not exist like it does now

#and i stand by all this #im not tagging it anti because its only critical #but also not tagging the characters just out of respect #i am a cassian stan pre-acosf #sjm critical

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destielhasmedead · 3 years

Text

This is a post about Dean having undiagnosed ADHD by a person who has diagnosed ADHD. Therefore, I’m not a doctor and not an expert, but I know how I react and see many of those qualities in Dean.

Typical things that go along with ADHD are:

Hyperactivity

Hyperfocusing

Stimming

Hyperfixations

Impulsivity

Emotional dysregulation

Black or white thinking

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

Trouble maintaining friendships/relationships

Substance abuse

Risky behaviors in general and sexual

*some of these also go along with other neurodivergencies- Ex. Stimming and Hyperfixations. This post is about his ADHD and not another disorder. And not all are needed to have ADHD Ex. I tend to not struggle with substance abuse.*

I’ll just go down the list:

So hyperactivity

This can be seen through fidgeting, restlessness, being talkative, and the inability to sit still.

In this example, it takes Dean quite literally 20 seconds before he gets bored and moves his attention, https://youtu.be/o1eL-3BJihg?t=20 (watch up to 40 seconds)

The clip below shows Sam typing and Dean having to sit in a chair and wait. Dean starts making noises and in less than a minute he is up and leaving to go somewhere else.

https://youtu.be/zvy_IKIHH5k

This might also be an example of stimming.

The definition off google is: “behavior consisting of repetitive actions or movements of a type that may be displayed by people with developmental disorders”

In the video, it is known as a vocal stim.

When Dean gets excited he is also known to stim - at the time I stamped in the link below, you can see his hands wave/tap at the railing. People with ADHD feel emotions more strongly than others do. This is why he may seem happier than usual when he gets pie (when it’s something he has regularly), or in this case, celebrate a holiday.

https://youtu.be/b82JDE0d6C0?t=29

Many of these can go together, such as you may stim when hyperactive, or stim because you feel strong emotions. So, with that in mind, I’m going to bring up emotional dysregulation.

Same as feeling extreme happiness, he also gets angrier over things that could be managed differently.

I hate to do it to you, but I have to bring up the prayer scene.

https://youtu.be/tcNVxm8HAXM?t=89

Specifically, the part where he talks about controlling it. Here is a part from the transcript if you don’t want to watch

“I – Ohh. I don't know why I get so angry. I just know – I know that it's – i-it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just – it comes out. And I can't -- I can't stop it. No matter how – [Sniffles] how bad I want to, I just can't stop it.”

He is struggling to manage it. It’s an impulse.

And that’s what I’ll talk about next.

Dean is known to get mad, but there are other forms of impulses. Such as his tendency to make rash decisions and just go out on hunts without backup, or make a deal for Sam without thinking through the consequences, or through any part of it really. Also, besides his life, his relationships are also put in jeopardy.

He unnecessarily risks his life when if he waited for Sam or Cas he would be okay.

Risk-taking occurs because of the dopamine deficiency in ADHD minds. For him, these risks often are seen through him making deals for others at the expense of himself.

Part of this risk-taking revolves around sex

He seeks the dopamine high that comes out (sorry no pun intended but) of these situations. Dean has only had a few more long-term sexual relationships, but even those ended fairly quickly. He is prone to one night stands.

Okay, I’m going to switch gears to hyperfocusing and hyperfixations

The difference is the state.

Hyperfocus: This is a highly focused attention that lasts a period of time, but then ultimately goes away. Dean is typically in this state when working on Baby or when they are going after something. Or, how he spent hours building the Malak box.

https://youtu.be/YAkIQb7Xtzo (peep the gay moment)

This is also a state in which someone with an ADHD mind is able to be less distracted and stay on that task.

Hyperfixation: Is being immersed or obsessed with one subject or activity.

So, I can hyperfocus on a hyperfixation.

Some of Dean’s fixations are cowboys and old westers, cars, cult horror movies, and cartoons.

This can be seen in Scoobynatural when Dean knew exactly what was supposed to happen in the episode and things about the characters Sam, who also watched the show hadn’t known.

https://youtu.be/yWRZsq8nQT8?t=221

As well as the numerous times Dean has information on cowboys- one example:

https://youtu.be/nIsxiYkoBKk

Substance Abuse: It’s no secret Dean struggles with alcoholism. ADHD is 5 to 10 times more common among adult alcoholics. I don’t have much to say on this subject, since it’s very obvious he has issues with it. And again, these issues are more relevant for people with ADHD because of the impulsivity, and behavior problems that may occur.

RSD or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: The definition is “a condition in which a person feels extreme emotional sensitivity and pain due to perceived or actual rejection, teasing or criticism”.

Say what you will, but Dean is a very emotional person. Typically, he shows his pain or sadness through anger or alcoholism. Any time Sam does something small, he takes it personally. He gets mad at Cas and feels betrayed for seemingly small mistakes, that for him feel huge.

RSD also contributes to his difficulty maintaining friendships and relationships: He pushes people away when things get hard and before they can get too close to him.

This is shown when he erases Lisa and Ben’s memories. https://youtu.be/rTBCWT9c9lo?t=159

As soon as things might get hard he leaves before they can get mad or reject him.

Black or white thinking: Or, also known as all or nothing thinking, means that an individual thinks in extremes. Your mind doesn’t recognize the shades of grey. It wasn’t really until season 6 or 7 when Dean started to sometimes accept the grey area. But, that was a hard lesson to try and learn.

He saw good and evil - monster and human. Meeting Benny, and later the good that came from Rowena and Crowley helped.

Even with Jack though, even though he hadn’t met the kid, he saw only one half of him. He deemed him to be bad, cause in his mind he can’t see the grey part, which in this case is “he’s half-angel, half-human. But, that doesn’t define his character”.

Overall, in my opinion, this is enough to convince me Dean has ADHD, but, now you can decide for yourself. :)

*these are only some examples - there are more I did not include because this has already taken me 2 weeks to finish*

#i spent 20 minutes highlighting the words in colors #so thanks tumblr for deleting it #anyway enjoy #supernatural #dean winchester #adhd #adhd dean #jensen ackles #spn headcanon

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caffeinatedseri · 3 years

Text

The Strength of Selfishness

Each character in BSD has a degree of selfishness or selflessness in themselves, but the way this concept is executed opens discussion on the nuance of “selfishness,” or specifically the flaws in believing selfishness is an inherently bad trait.

Atsushi

Atsushi fits the description of selflessness, but I’d argue that he’s actually more selfish than he thinks he is (keeping in mind that being selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing).

Akutagawa points out how Atsushi will needlessly risk his life in order to protect others, which sounds like a pretty heroic act, but it comes with a cost. Atsushi isn’t invincible, especially at this point in the story when he hasn’t fully mastered his ability, but his insistence on protecting others puts him in constant danger.

At the end of the day, Atsushi would have a greater chance of surviving many of the dangerous situations he puts himself into if he was more selfish by protecting himself before others.

However, Atsushi is also somewhat selfish in his motivations for acting so virtuously.

Once again, Akutagawa points out how Atsushi only acts this way because of his deeply rooted belief that he has to risk his life for someone else in order to give his life value. You could argue that Atsushi only saves others as an attempt to prove to himself that he’s worthy, an inherently selfish motive. If Atsushi actually died, he would be endangering the people he could save in the future.

Selfishness also includes self-centeredness. Particularly with Akutagawa, Atsushi’s tendency to focus solely on himself becomes especially noticeable. Atsushi constantly doubts himself and his strengths; he also ignores his privileges and the struggles of others, particularly when he can’t completely understand them — hence why he views Akutagawa so harshly but sees Kyouka and Lucy as people who need to be saved.

Despite all of this, Atsushi still creates a positive impact in other people’s lives. His innately selfish motivation is what drives him to protect others, and he ultimately succeeds in doing that (case in point Kyouka and Lucy again).

Akutagawa

Akutagawa is pretty similar to Atsushi in how his past led to his inevitably selfish motives, but his manifests in a different way.

Akutagawa has to be selfish to protect himself, due to a mix of his past prior to joining the mafia and Dazai’s teachings that collectively reinforced the belief that if he’s weak, he can’t survive.

This results in Akutagawa taking other people’s lives, a direct contrast to how Atsushi saves others, in order to prove his worth as a strong individual that deserves to live. However, this sentiment narrowly crosses the line of hypocrisy when Akutagawa does the very same thing that he criticized Atsushi for: looking for value in his life through other people.

Akutagawa also unnecessarily risks his life in order to prove his strength, which is arguably more dangerous and selfish than what Atsushi does.

When Akutagawa fights Hawthorne, he practically eggs on Hawthorne to kill him, or at the very least fight with the intent to kill. Akutagawa was also injured before entering this fight, so running away would’ve been all the more reasonable than continuing to fight.

Drawing another parallel to Atsushi, Akutagawa has that very same resolve of risking his life unnecessarily to prove his worth.

It’s undeniable that Akutagawa has killed many people — which is arguably extremely selfish — and loss of life really isn’t something that I want to push as morally correct. However, I would like to push the idea of redemption: finding a way to escape this messy lifestyle. I sincerely doubt that the incessant cycle of killing is any good for Akutagawa, or that it’s the life that he wants to have.

With Atsushi and Akutagawa, both of their character arcs will develop accordingly to this balance of selfishness and selflessness.

Ranpo

Ranpo is characterized in a slightly selfish way, but this mindset comes with good reason (relating to Ranpo��s past).

When Atsushi was kidnapped, Ranpo places priority on protecting the agency. If he were to meddle with Atsushi’s problem, which was technically a personal issue, then the agency as an organization would be put at risk. This isn’t necessarily a “wrong” mindset, but it is self-centered.

Of course, this is one of many examples to showcase Ranpo’s arrogance, but his arrogance is actually a form of self-protection.

“So his father knew, after all. He understood that Ranpo possessed an extraordinary gift. He knew his son had the special ability to observe, remember, and uncover the truth in the blink of an eye. That was why he sealed it away. He didn’t want Ranpo to go astray, to ever hurt others and make the world his enemy. His father wanted Ranpo to learn virtue and what’s right just like any ordinary person until he had grown up with good judgment and knowledge.” — LN 3, “The Untold Origins of the Detective Agency”

Before Ranpo met Fukuzawa, he was just a young, lost boy who didn’t recognize his extraordinary talents. His parents taught him to be modest to allow him to develop as a normal person, but he never truly understood who he was in comparison to other people because he was orphaned at a young age.

Thus, Ranpo had to embrace his superiority, in an albeit dramatic way, in order to accept the world and himself. If he believed that people weren’t as intelligent as him, then he wouldn’t have to hate himself for feeling like an outsider to a world he doesn’t understand.

Similarly to Akutagawa, Ranpo’s selfishness isn’t born out of hatred or negligence for others, it’s simply a survivalist instinct.

Dazai

Dazai’s case is a little trickier to define, but I feel that he’s changed a decent amount throughout the series. I’ve seen some people argue that Dazai only helps others because of Oda’s dying wish, which would make his motivations for doing so inherently selfish. This rings true for Dazai before becoming a part of the agency, but I’d say he’s changed a lot just from interacting with the other agency members.

Dazai’s shown to be capable of the selflessness that involves risking your life for others, but because he’s Dazai, he’s most likely never going to actually die (he has taken necessary precautions to make sure he doesn’t die like in Dead Apple). In this case, Dazai was willing to risk his life for intel from Fyodor, similar to how he got captured by the PM intentionally for intel on Atsushi.

What he says here is especially important: “Certainly, people are sinfully stupid. But what’s so wrong about that?” The Dazai that was once isolated from others, that lacked a sense of direction and purpose in life, has grown one step closer to finding that purpose.

It’s no secret that character to character relationships have a big impact on everyone in BSD, but it’s especially relevant for Dazai who’s growth comes from learning about human nature. He and Fyodor both share a level of super intelligence that ostracizes them from the rest of society, which consequently makes them incapable of understanding other people.

Dazai’s statement here just shows how he’s willing to look past people’s mistakes — yes, they may be sinful and/or stupid, but that’s just a part of human nature.

And in this case, he acts in a stupid way by risking his life for someone else. Yes, it may be stupid, but this selflessness is also a part of being human.

I’d also like to add that Dazai was somewhat selfish in leaving the PM so suddenly after Oda’s death. As an executive, he undoubtedly had some responsibilities to handle, and not to mention Chuuya who was dragged into the mafia because of him in the first place. However, leaving the mafia was ultimately better for his development, and you could argue that the PM is doing just fine with Mori remaining as the leader. Thus, Dazai is another example of how selfishness isn’t harmful in nature.

Mori

On the topic of Mori, he’s a character who outright acknowledges his selflessness as a necessity for the mafia’s advancement.

As I mentioned before, selflessness is a stereotypically heroic trait, but it’s flipped around in BSD. You see protagonists with greater selfish convictions than the antagonists, who live their life based on this idea of selflessness.

Of course, just because Mori is an antagonist, this doesn’t mean that selflessness is an innately “evil” trait. In fact, this selflessness is how he grows his organization and gains respect from his subordinates. Mori’s selflessness is used for the benefit of everyone else in the PM (ignoring the obvious crimes that the mafia commits of course).

Oda

Oda is often seen as the role model example for a “good man,” in the world of BSD — which is true to a certain extent. We certainly know how he was selfless in a multitude of scenarios, from saving the orphans at the Dragon’s Head Conflict, to his resolve to not kill anyone, and his push for Dazai to leave the mafia.

However, I’d like to discuss Oda’s selfishness. Oda was well-aware of Dazai’s issues during Dark Era, and he seemed like the only person who would understand Dazai at that level. Despite this, he still chose to die.

“(Dazai) is just a child who’s too smart. Just a crying child who’s been left alone in the darkness, a world of nothingness far emptier than the world we can see.”

— LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Oda is an idealist first and foremost; when reality fails to match his ideals, it becomes unbearable for him to continue living on.

Oda was selfish in his conviction to die, because he knew he could’ve done more for Dazai, but he chose to leave him with a dying wish rather than staying with him to potentially fill that void of loneliness.

(I’d like to mention that Oda wasn’t wrong for his choice, because Dazai ended up on the right path in the end. It was simply an act of selfishness that ended for the better).

Kunikida

Kunikida is an idealist, much like Oda, but he also draws close to being a realist at certain moments.

Kunikida shares the same selfless resolve as Atsushi: to save everyone. His ideals seem unbreakable to the point where he would risk his life and succeed in the end no matter what, purely because he’s just that committed towards his goals.

This treads closely to Atsushi’s selfishness. In this case, for Kunikida, it’s somewhat a part of his self-fulfilling prophecy to make his ideals come true, but he acts selflessly because of these ideals that he believes in.

An important thing to note here is Fyodor’s grin, because Fyodor — as an idealist — is well aware of the fact that the greater the ideals, the loftier these ideals become in reality.

“By that very logic, then Miss Sasaki was not responsible for any of these recent events! She didn’t even want a world in which all criminals are rightly judged! She only— Tell me, Dazai! Was it right for her to die? Is this the ideal world I’ve sought for…”

— LN 1, “Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam”

At the end of the Azure Messenger Arc, Kunikida realizes the flaws in his ideals when he fails to uphold them. By trying to save both Rokuzou and Sasaki, he ended up losing the both of them. No matter how hard he tried to save them, there was no possible way for him to achieve the level of “justice” that he desired.

This teaches an incredibly valuable lesson to Kunikida that shifts his mindset towards a more selfish direction.

Kunikida’s experience leads him to teach Atsushi, another person strongly motivated by ideals, to not follow the same path as him. You could interpret this as a sign of Kunikida’s declining resolve, but I prefer to view it as another form of self-preservation.

Kunikida very well understands the pain that comes from not meeting his ideals, which could easily affect to Atsushi considering how difficult it would be to save Kyouka.

The scene in which Kunikida goes to save Atsushi parallels what Kunikida told him previously: “Your boat can only carry one person. If you let someone beyond salvation come aboard, you will only drown together.”

Notice how Kunikida is in a boat with plenty of space, but out of fear that his ideals won’t be upheld, he’ll lower them to an lesser standard. Instead of trying to save two people, he settles for one, despite the fact that he has the capacity for two.

This instance is a moment of selfishness from Kunikida, an act of self-preservation to prevent the inevitable pain that comes with unmet ideals.

However, Atsushi subverts his expectations by pushing himself to save Kyouka regardless of his sinking boat, because Atsushi’s own ideals motivate him to do so. Kunikida teaches Atsushi to be careful with the balance of selfishness and selflessness; Atsushi teaches Kunikida the beauty in being selfless.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #bsd atsushi #bsd akutagawa #bsd rampo #bsd dazai #bsd mori #bsd oda #bsd kunikida #idk what an idealist is tbh

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funkymbtifiction · 3 years

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A perspective from INFP in self discovering

About discovering who I am, I totally agree with you.

As Fi-dom, self is a core of my worldview. It’s like a root of tree so self discovering, to me, is not very different from the tree growing from sapling to a great oak. In my opinion, self discovery is not just about what feels right and wrong but how we adapt to life as it glides our way. It is the understanding and embracing of ‘self’ without any analysis just me, as I am. Everything is measured against self in terms of ‘value’ that is independent from logic or analysis just how it is in accordance to self. On its own Fi is just a hollow trunk of tree, and tree can’t grow unless it has minerals, air, water and environment to live in. That is very similar to how Fi feels for me. I just exist solidly in place and everything comes passing by, and I learn from those things, those experiences to understand myself better. It is just like how the environment shapes the tree’s growth and how they interact with the world.

From the previous analogy, it’s like the tree is Fi-dom and environment is Ne or Se function. I can’t say I understand Se, but as Ne-aux, the experience that I gain throughout my life is seen through the lens of potential rather than concrete. Let say I work on some project, what I work and the result itself doesn’t matter as much as the lesson I learn from said project (Ne > Si serves Fi). And that lesson is internalized, incorporates into another shade of self. It is another point that I don’t know whether other Fi-doms feel the same way, but to me, Fi is not against the world. I’ve never felt against the outside world, instead it feels like we all are connected through the same thing of being living being, but the 'journey’ of life is different each person to the next so we can’t judge anyone even if we believe something is wrong, because everyone has different experience, so does their judgement. That brings us to another part of self discovering that is self bettering.

To me, it’s not just learning things and discovering my self by testing against outside world, the core of it all is self-betterment. IFP doesn’t just discover and accept self as it is, I believe we do have a very strong sense of duty to be the best version of ourselves. So we constantly change and tweak our sense of self in order to be more 'complete’ and a version of self that we can live without regret. It works both way. But it is all in service of Fi, of self. For me, life is like a long journey. We still remain ourselves, but everything is added and tweaked along the way, in the end, we are still our 'self’ regardless.

*My enneagram, instinctual stack (6w7 Sp/So with 9-3 fix) and every other thing influences how I view the world, so it might not be the same with other Fi-dom or any person of any type for that matter.

Btw, what about ENFP? or other types, do you experience self discovery similarly?

Thank you for this. I love it. So Much Gratitude to You.

For me, being an ENFP, it’s like a tree being whipped by the wind. The branches sway all over the place, gathering thoughts, ideas, concepts, possibilities, and sometimes the moisture never gets down to the trunk, which is where “I” am. Even so, when the branches are being whipped around, something in me tells me to hold firm against the storm. I will lean one way for awhile, discover it is uncomfortable, and shift back into an upright position. The older I get, the straighter I stand, because I have learned to “let go” and “just be.” I used to try to make sense of everything, but now I feel freer to say, “I don’t know how I would feel about this. I don’t have an opinion about that yet. I THINK I feel this way about this, but I have not experienced it, so I may not.” I make intellectual speculative judgments only to find out they do not hold in real life – I have to learn who I am and what I feel about things independent of my “ideas” about what I would feel.

Life teaches me all the time who I am, because of how I react to it. It is a process of constantly self-evaluating and re-calibrating my ideas about myself, which is hard because Ne has an idea about me that is not true, and I’m not aware of it being untrue until I self-evaluate or see myself in a situation that proves this idea wrong. I am much harder on myself for not living up to my own standards than I am on other people. I think of myself as worse than I am – meaner, more callous, more detached, because those are the things my low Te does when I am stressed and those behaviors discomfort me. My dad once said that I am harder on myself than anyone else he has ever met – unnecessarily, because I am such a “good” person. I thought, “How can I be a good person when I have so many hateful and selfish thoughts??” For me, it all comes from within; how I am inside dictates the kind of person I am, and to do something resentfully even if is a “good” thing to do means I am failing to be truly good.

My ENFP self wants to be someone who is open-minded, but I see myself as judgmental for having critical thoughts; I want to be accepting, but at the same time cannot ignore my idealistic desire for the world, and the people in it, to be better versions of themselves; and this will cause me to think about myself, whether I am being my “best” self and get frustrated by my limitations. I want to transform overnight not do the hard soul-work of sanding my rough edges. I need and want change right now, not to have to work at it. I want to be the butterfly, not be in a cocoon, and nothing upsets me more than to think I might never change, that I am stuck being this way forever. That I will always be fearful. Always be critical. Always be judgmental. I don’t want those things for myself, but cannot deny that they are a natural part of me.

I am different from you in that I have strong opinions of how people 'should’ be (more considerate of each other) but knowing more about someone can evaporate my moral judgment about them and help me to understand them and have empathy for their situation. You said we cannot judge anyone on their journey, because it is theirs - that is something I want to make true for myself but have not managed it yet because my Ne sees what possibilities exist for them, how they are not filling their full potential, and wants to nudge them toward it. INFPs are all about the self-journey, ENFPs wants to help others find their path. But at the same time, I never push anyone too hard, since I respect that ultimately, it is their life and their choices. But that does not mean I do not try to sway them with “new ideas.”

Ultimately, I am the only person that is going to be in my life forever. I have to learn to love and live with myself. If I cannot do that, how can other people love and live with me? I am an ongoing project, as much as a tree. But the only one who gets to prune me… is me. It has to come from within, not an external criticism. I have to reach into my trunk and ask myself if this criticism about me is true, or is also about them, and from there, I will change if need be.

#submission #infp #isfp #enfp #esfp #mbti

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ssamie · 3 years

Text

six. “friends die together”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide

masterlist. suicide freak!

kenma slowly opened his eyes. the dim rays of the sun were slowly peeking through his bedroom window as he stretched and rolled around his bed, wrapping himself up in a blanket burrito as he felt his eyes slowly fluttering close once again.

it had been atleast a week since he's actually gotten sleep, and now he's just trying to relish in the feeling of rest before he completely disregards it again.

all of a sudden, his phone rang.

"what the.." he mumbled with a groan

it was currently five in the morning, and he knew kuroo was smart enough not to call him. especially since kenma would usually just be gaming or would just straight up ignore him.

"hello?" he muttered to the phone, not bothering to check the ID

"good morning!" y/n's chirpy la-di-da voice resonated from the phone

immediately, kenma groaned and rolled his eyes. he had to fight the urge of hanging up the phone then and there.

"what do you want? and why are you calling me so early in the morning?" kenma asked

"now, now! don't be so stingy kenma-kun!" she laughed "i just wanted to check up on ya, that's all" she said, followed by soft humming of a melody

kenma blinked as he groggily listened to her words. "oh. okay.."

"thanks for that, i guess.." he said

"aww! your voice is all deep and gravelly in the morning! very hot." she chirped

kenma sighed. he could practically sense the stupid flirty smile appearing on her face. "and you sound oh so happy. as always." kenma chirped back sarcastically

a small smile grazed his lips as she started laughing on the other line.

"oh, kenma! you're so funny!" she chuckled "when have i ever been happy?"

"wait what-"

"anyways, kenma-kun.." she trailed off, her cheerful tone now dropped as an eerily serious and guarded one replaced it.

"y-yes?" kenma gulped

"im afraid im in a tight spot as we speak. its quite critical. please come to the location i will send you." she spoke in a monotonous tone

"huh? wait!" kenma exclaimed. he sat up on his bed, subconsciously reaching for his nekoma jacket which was messily laid out on the foot of his bed. "what are you talking about?" he asked, his hands were shaking, as well as his voice.

"its a crisis! only you can help!" she said

"okay. i-i'll be there.."

humming under her breath, y/n patiently waited for kenma to arrive. she didn't have so much faith at first, but once she heard the soft thumping of feet on the ground, she grinned.

"w-what happened?" kenma asked through ragged breaths as he skidded to a halt infront of her "a-and what are you wearing?" kenma asked

he took notice of her rather formal attire, laying underneath the sand colored coat she had. his brows then shot up as he calmed his ragged breathing.

"is this because of your weird detective work thing? did you get trapped?" kenma asked worriedly. when she didn't answer, he simply panicked even more. "why did you call me?! you should've called those other detective people!" kenma exclaimed

"i got in myself" she admitted with a small innocent smile

"what?" kenma deadpanned, now starting to regret running atleast eight blocks just to help her

"well, you see.. i heard there's a way to commit suicide by getting stuck in an oil drum. so i decided to give it a shot" she said with the same innocent smile. she then chuckled sheepishly as she started sinking deeper into the oil drum.

"but now that i've wedged myself in this deep, i can't get out on my own" she said

kenma simply stared her down, looking unamused, tired and annoyed. "i see." he says

"i think i might die" she pouted as she sank deeper into the drum.

kenma grunted and sat on the ground, sitting a few feet from the drum she was stuck in. he was kind of impressed on how her whole body hadn't snapped in two yet.

"well, isn't that what you wanted?" kenma said with a huff of annoyance

"i like suicide" she said with a scoff, sounding somewhat offended "but i don't like suffering and pain! why would i?"

"i see" kenma said with a sigh. he sat up from the ground and narrowed his eyes, trying to look for a way to free her from the oil drum

"also, i learned this only after i stuffed myself in here, but it wasn't even a suicide method!" she laughed

"but, it was actually a torture method from the-"

before she could even finish her sentence, she was cut off as kenma pushed the oil drum over, sending her and the drum rolling off. he let out a huge breath of air as he cradled his aching hands.

"ni-nice job, kenma-kun" she squeaked out as she wiggled free of the drum. "but now.. we have only an hour left before school starts" she said as she patted down her clothes and combed her fingers through her hair

"and i heard from nekomata-san that he has some news that you boys would surely love" she said as she stretched her aching muscles

"are we really gonna move past the fact that you wedged yourself in an oil drum!?" kenma exclaimed in aggravation

". . ." she looked at him with a dumb smile before sending him a wink and a thumbs up.

"yep! we sure are!"

"i hate you so much" kenma muttered

she smirked teasingly and loomed over his shoulder "hehehe~ well if you hate me so much, then why go through all the trouble to help me?" she cooed

kenma scoffed and flicked her away. "because we're.." he trailed off "nevermind.." a small blush covered his cheeks faintly, but it was enough to get her attention.

she chuckled lowly and poked his cheeks. she narrowed her eyes and tauntingly stared him down. "oya? what's this, kenma-kun? do you like me or something?~" she teased

kenma flinched and covered his cheeks with his hands "no! no i don't!" he quickly denied "i just thought that.." he muttered quietly

"since we're friends and all.. i thought it'd be right to help you.." kenma admitted bashfully

stunned from his words, she couldn't really do anything but stare at him blankly with widened eyes. "we're friends?" she asked

kenma spluttered at her response, suddenly feeling anxious and embarrassed, thinking that he overstepped their 'relationship'

"um- i mean.. i just thought that since we've been hanging out but.." kenma said nervously. he fiddled with his hands as he looked down at his feet, too embarrassed to look her in the eyes.

"sorry, i guess i overstepped. sorry for misreading things" he apologised

finally realising what she's done, she gasped in horror as she looked at his heartbroken expression "oh my gosh." she muttered "im so sorry!"

she frantically patted his back, and stroked his hair "i-i meant like- i didnt know you considered me as a friend!" she exclaimed "i kind of thought you just see me as a suicidal leech or something!" she shrieked

"im sorry kenma! kill me now!" she exclaimed dramatically

kenma finally looked up to see her tearing some of her bandages off, only for her to tie it tightly around her neck.

"im sorry!" she cried as she squeezed tightly, trying to strangle herself to death

"wait! don't do that!" kenma said in panic. his hands pried the bandages off and hastily threw them away.

"you don't have to kill yourself over me" kenma sighed

she sniffled and crushed him in her arms "kenma! you are most certainly my most treasured friend!" she cried

"i would die for you and with you!"

"let's not go too far" kenma said with a small smile

"shall we start with the double suicide now?" she asks, fully ignoring his interjection

"no <3"

"fukurodani?" she muttered, looking quite confused and clueless

"yes. it seems a three-day practice match has been scheduled" nekomata said with a smile "their coach suggested the idea and who was i to decline, am i right?" nekomata chuckled

"this will be a good opportunity for the team to train and explore new ways of playing for future tournaments." nekomata then looked at y/n and sent her a close eyed smile. "and a chance for you to test your managing skills, y/n-san" he said

she nodded in agreement.

"well then, now that that's settled.. you’re free to go! rest up and eat well! you'll be playing nonstop starting tomorrow" nekomata said as he ushered them out of the gym

"thanks, coach!" the team yelled

as the team arrives by the gate, they started to disperse. fukunaga, inouka, teshiro, and shibayama ended up declining the offer of an afterschool hangout. they claimed they needed the rest for upcoming games, so they left them be.

"bye guys! bye y/n-senpai! see you tomorrow!!" inouka yelled from across the street. the energetic first year was waving both his arms around while shibayama drags him along. fukunaga sends them a quick nod and a small wave before they completely disappear from sight.

"hm, so what do you guys wanna do?" kai asks with a smile

"let's eat!" lev suggested with a grin

"sure. where should we go? i don't really have a particular craving right now" kai said as he looked at his friends expectantly

"we should eat at the diner near that convenience store" yaku says "it's cheap and they serve great food"

simply humming to herself, y/n takes a quick look at the boys who seemed to be lost in their own conversations. her (e/c) colored eyes then landed on kenma, who seemed to busy with his game.

kuroo was holding on his bag, making sure the pudding-head wouldn't walk into oncoming traffic. she smiled at the boy, taking in his overwhelmingly beautiful features.

yamamoto was beside her, ranting about his friends from karasuno and their 'goddess of a manager'

"we’re here!" lev unnecessarily announced as he skipped into the said diner. "what should we eat?" he asks

"fish-" ; "meat-"

yaku and kuroo freeze and look at each other. their eyes silently roam one another as they look at the other with judgment.

"hah? are we really doing this again, yakkun?" kuroo scowled. the taller bedheaded male leaned down to get all up in yaku's face, while the latter simply did the same

"dont call me that stupid nickname, bedhead!" yaku scowled as well "and fish? pssh, what are you a grandpa?" yaku said with a snicker

"could you stop making comments proving you lack docosahexaenoic acid?" kuroo sneered in aggravation

"you're ought to eat more fish to fix that.. maybe even your height problem!" kuroo taunted

yaku scowled and gripped the taller boy's collar "your stupid face is begging to be hit!"

"no! kuroo-san, don't let him hit you!" lev yelled "he's feral!"

"oi! shut up!" taketora hissed as he covered lev's mouth with his hand

yaku turned to face lev, evidently irked and angered by his comment. "hah?! come here, you tall lampost! -"

"wah! yaku-san i didnt even do anything!" lev exclaimed with teary eyes as the shorter boy continued to kick him

kai and taketora then took initiative to calm their friends down. partially because they didn't want anyone injured. but mostly because they were fighting infront of the diner, and it was starting to get embarrassing.

"ke-n-ma~" she cooed in a sing song tone

kenma sighed and quickly glanced at her, before averting his attention back to his game "what?" he said

she smiled and laced their arms together. she then pointed to a bridge not so far away from where they were standing. "you see that bridge?" she asked "and the pretty river under it?"

"oh god. i see where this is going." kenma groaned. he turned off his game and followed her finger, eyeing the bridge she was talking about.

"wouldn't it be so nice if we just jump off-"

"how about we don't do that?" kenma cut her off with a sigh

"but you're my friend right?" she whined childishly "don't friends die together?!"

"how about we don't die at all. doesn't that sound better?" kenma tried to convince her with a sheepish smile

her smile fell as she narrowed his eyes, seemingly disgusted and offended by his statement.

"what? no, not at all."

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thelightofthingshopedfor · 3 years

Text

I genuinely do not know how to engage with the Loki fandom anymore without regularly tanking my mental health, and I have no idea what to do about it.

the thing about my brain is that it sucks, see, and one of the big ways in which it sucks is that it is incredibly easy for me to miserably fixate on anything that upsets me, which then often expands to include all kinds of other tangentially related things that also upset me, thereby becoming a very bad spiral even if the thing that originally upset me was objectively not a huge deal. (I’m also really, really good at catastrophizing, which just accelerates the whole process.) at best, I then find it completely possible to do much of anything, like work on anything creative, or do my actual job that pays my actual bills, or in general remember that anything good can ever happen again. about all I can do to reset my brain when that happens is to ignore every single one of my responsibilities and do something really distracting like playing a game so my brain is engaged in something other than eating itself alive, or maybe just take a sleeping pill and go to bed. (if neither is an option, then it just sucks even more.)

for reasons that I certainly hope are obvious, that’s something I prefer to avoid.

the thing about Loki is, he’s been my absolute favorite character for about a decade now. he’s my comfort character. I can’t reliably write anything except Loki fic (which would be enough of a personal investment even if I hadn’t written a fic or two that helped me deal with the death of my dog a few years ago and my generally unhealthy feelings about death as a concept, but I did that too). I’ve spent a not-inconsiderable amount of money--again, over the past decade--on my collection of Loki stuff because it makes me happy, and I’ve invested probably even more thought and emotion than money into this character. Loki, in general, is very important to me, if for no other reason than that he’s been part of my life for a long time.

and the thing about the Loki show specifically is, I mostly like it. in part this is because I want to like it, because I’m invested for all the reasons mentioned above. there have been aspects of every episode so far that I’ve enjoyed without reservation or qualification...and there have been aspects of every episode so far that have made me cringe or genuinely upset me for one reason or another. but because I want to like it, and because I have that tendency to fixate on things that upset me in a way that makes me absolutely miserable and renders my brain completely useless for doing anything except continuing to be upset, it is genuinely unhealthy for me to spend much time at all reading negativity about the show.

some of the criticism I don’t totally understand and that’s less of an issue, but a lot of it has merit, a lot pretty obviously comes from a place of actual pain, and there’s a lot I agree with (or at least understand even if a specific thing doesn’t bother me as much). so if I read much of it, I will fixate. I will lose sleep. I will be pretty much unable to do things I actually need or want to do. if I want to avoid those things, it’s not enough just to avoid reading really intense criticism of the show; I have to actively seek out positive opinions, both to reinforce my enjoyment of things I already liked and to provide additional viewpoints on things I didn’t particularly like on first watch so I can keep myself from fixating on them (which my brain is quite happy to do on its own, without even seeing specifically negative posts, so you can probably imagine how much worse my brain gets having the negative opinions reinforced).

like--maybe this all sounds kind of silly, I don’t know, but I’ve lived with this garbage brain for more than three decades and I have a pretty good idea of how it works, at least in terms of what makes it even more garbage. to take care of my mental health, I have to approach certain things in certain ways, and I’m...working on not feeling like that’s silly all by itself. in this specific case, that means avoiding a lot of the negativity and making an effort to seek out positive opinions. as long as people tag appropriately, that shouldn’t be hard, right?

well you’d think so, except actually no, because I’ve had the worst time finding people who like the show and don’t also spend a significant amount of their time dumping on fans who hate the show or just, like, have any issues at all with any aspect of it for any reason. it starts to feel like people think that if you’re not worshiping at Marvel’s feet and loving every second of everything in this massive profit-driven franchise, then you are deluded, whiny, entitled, stupid, sadistic, or some combination of the above. and you know what, maybe it’s weird but I absolutely find that just as upsetting as negativity about the show itself. constantly seeing that stuff is equally bad for my mental health, equally likely to make me miserably fixate on it and lead to a spiral of “everything is bad and hopeless and nothing will ever get better in literally any aspect of life so why even bother trying?”

for reasons that I once again hope are obvious, I still want to avoid that! regardless of the cause! and apparently...I don’t have that option. people typically don’t tag criticism of criticism, or at least not with anything specific enough to be really useful, and it sure seems like I can’t look for the positive opinions that help me enjoy the show and avoid unhappily fixating on things I didn’t like, while also avoiding the negative opinions about other fans that also get me unhappily fixated on things that upset me. so the only alternative is, what, take several steps back from fandom entirely? well, I’d have to stop using Tumblr at all for at least a couple weeks, probably avoid the finale for quite a while, stop writing for the most part because Loki fic is too tied up in the overall fandom and I struggle too much with writing anything else, stop reading most fic for the same reason, stop working on customizing any Funko figures or other action figures that aren’t just for Etsy, and generally give up a lot of things that make me happy. weirdly enough, I don’t want to do that either.

if everyone in this fandom 1) tagged appropriately and consistently and 2) stopped being unnecessarily mean to and about their fellow human beings, I’m pretty sure it would be basically fine. and of course there’s no possible way I can make that happen. if I want to keep enjoying something that does genuinely make me happy often enough to be worthwhile to me, it seems like I just have to choose between two different types of mental-health minefields rather than, you know, being able to avoid all the mines.

so what am I supposed to do with that?

(this is...more or less okay to reblog if you’ve felt at all the same way, wherever you might fall in your opinions about the show itself, as long as you make sure to not be an asshole about it to anyone. this is not the place to talk about how much you hate the show, and it is also not the place to talk about how awful Those Whiny Fans are. take that somewhere else and for god’s sake put a useful tag on it.)

#loki #loki show #loki series #marvel cinematic universe #brains behaving badly #mental health issues #I don't know what else to tag this #loki spoilers #not really but just in case #really hope I don't regret posting this

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