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sp0o0kylights · 1 year

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Part Two

15 days before Christmas Steve Harrington flinches when the Christmas lights strung along the arcade flicker.

Eddie only notices because he makes a habit out of keeping an eye on questionable people when he's out and about.

Watches Harrington recover with a little shake of his head and a roll of his shoulders, as Gareth finishes up his shift, swapping cashier positions with Jeff.

Dustin and Lucas stick around long enough to greet Jeff as Eddie stares, before scuttling off to Harrington's car, pushing and shoving each other the whole way.

Eddie frowns, but decides to put the whole thing out of his head.

He doesn't need his little lamb's adoration of evil high school figures to poison his day.

xXx

12 days before Christmas and Eddie is starting to realize Harrington is everywhere.

There's a little holiday display the town center has put on. A temporary ice rink surrounded by dazzling lights, hot chocolate stands, and plenty of things to see.

Wayne and Eddie, with their traditional day of Christmas shopping complete, stroll within it, a cup of hot chocolate in hand. They never buy much--can’t, but it’s still something fun for Eddie to do with his Uncle and so and he bounces about with glee as they people watch.

A familiar shriek hits the air, and Eddie turns in time to see Mike and Dustin collide on the ice, while Lucas and his sister skate literal circles around them, laughing.

Unable to pass up on the opportunity to tease, Eddie flies to the edge of the rink, waving his hand and demanding one of the kids do a flip.

"A flip!? Eddie, I can't even skate a circle!" Henderson shouts, at the same time as Wheeler adds;

“Let’s see you try and skate with these idiots!”

“Sorry Wheeler, I think getting on the ice with you might be hazardous to my health.”

“Shut up!”

Delightful banter officially traded, Eddie turns to find his Uncle in a conversation with Steve Harrington.

Grin immediately faltering into a frown, he approaches cautiously right in time to see Wayne clap Harrington on the shoulder.

“It gets better.” Wayne says gruffly, in that tone he uses when he’s trying to give deeply emotional advice without the emotional part.

The younger boy gave a hard nod, muttering something that might have been “Thanks.”

Eddie jerked to a stop several steps away, but close enough for Wayne to see him, to know he was done and it was time to go.

Thankfully his Uncle picked up the signal, and made his way over, so the two of them could finish out their lap around the town center.

"He’s one of your classmates, right?" Wayne asked, as they turned away from the rink, Harrington back to watching the kids laugh and play around the ring.

"Not anymore." Eddie scoffs. "That's Steve Harrington."

Wayne hums noncommittally.

"As in, the rich Harrington's.” Eddie prods, because come on everyone knew who the Harrington’s were, just as everyone delighted in rightfully shitting on them. They weren’t good people. “As in, the assholes from Loc Nora?"

Another hum.

Then; "People are more than their last name, Eds. You should know that."

Eddie jerks back, stung at the admonishment.

Wayne’s not mad, never is, but Eddie recognizes his Uncle’s disappointed tone loud and clear.

"One of the gifts you got from me was seein’ through people's bullshit.." Wayne continues, before sucking in a draw on his cigarette. "I'm surprised you didn't see through his."

‘I don’t want to see through his!’ Is what Eddie wants to say, but keeps it to himself.

Changed the subject instead, shoulders hiked to his ears, because Harrington having some kind of claim on his new players was one thing, but his Uncle!?

He didn’t care about whatever crap the guy was going through. King Steve has been an ass for as long as Eddie had known him, the kind of bully whose downfall you cheered for.

Sure it was petty, but guys like Harrington reveled in pettiness.

So who cared if Eddie didn’t want to look closer at him now? Harrington wasn’t a lost lamb.

He was at best, an injured wolf, and no amount of sad looks was going to make him any safer to be around.

xxx

9 days till Christmas and Wheeler is having a tantrum that's delaying Hellfire's holiday oneshot.

"I don't get why he hates Christmas so much. He didn't even know Will when he disappeared!" Mike snips with his arms crossed.

Dustin is across from him, a furious scowl on his face, as Lucas stands between, a physical barrier between the two.

"As usual, you're talking out of your ass, Mike." Henderson spits, furious. "He was in Will's house with Jonathan and Nancy. That's reason enough!"

As if that makes any kind of sense, but then this isn’t the first argument that went into weird territory like this. Eddie’s always prided himself on pulling stories out of people, earning secrets and truths with a well trained ear and a smarter mouth.

The freshman though, were proving to be a hell of a challenge.

Mike throws his hands in the air. "I'm just saying, we all have way more reasons to hate Christmas, but none of us are acting like the grinch!"

“I know you can only have two good thoughts a day without breaking your brain, but you're being so stupid." Dustin thunders. "Did you ever think Steve might have other reasons to hate Christmas!?”

Eddie almost groans aloud, because of course, of fucking course, this is about Harrington.

The guy was a goddamn ghost at this point, hellbent on haunting Eddie’s entire life.

Didn’t even have the courtesy to die first!

"Guys." Lucas stressed, hands now firmly pressed against Mike and Dustin’s chest. “Come on, we’re wasting time. We can talk about this later.”

“Oh don’t worry about that Sinclair,” Eddie purred, making the three of them jump, as though they had forgotten they had a full ass audience in the form of the rest of the club. “I’m just docking their HP points for every minute they hold up the game.”

“Shit!” Dustin and Milke yelled as one, scrambling to get to their chairs.

Gareth and Jeff snicker, Grant making it known he was over their antics with a look that could have burnt gold.

Eddie clapped his hands once, hard enough for it to echo throughout the room. “If everyone is done bickering,” He announced, slipping into his DM voice, “we can begin our tale…”

He launches into the story he’d planned, and enjoys pulling everyone into it, all thoughts of Steve Harrington left behind.

xXx

5 Days before Christmas and Eddie is panic shopping.

He’s not the one panicking, nor the one shopping, but he has a car and friends who know where he lives, so he’s woken up at an ungodly hour of the morning (10 am) by Gareth, Grant, and Henderson of all people.

“Gareth’s sister took the car again.” Grant explains with dramatic, rolling eyes at Eddie’s exasperated face.

“I’m sorry you planned going shopping five days before Christmas?”

“Well--no-” Grant continues at the same time Dustin and Gareth yell protests.

They talk over each other for a moment, loud enough to make Eddie crave coffee and the comfort of his bed.

He runs one hand through his frizzy, bedhead hair before yanking it out and waving it around to catch his friend's attention. “Alright, I get it! You all decided to do white elephant gift thing last minute, and are now scrambling."

"Speaking of which, you're invited." Henderson tells him with a cheeky grin. "We're doing it on Christmas Eve."

Of course they were.

"Please man? It'll be fun." Gareth pleads, as Grant shoots him his patented puppy dog eyes.

Eddie sighs.

"I'll do it, but!" He sticks a finger in the air as grins broke out, "I'm demanding food and coffee and payment!"

With that he retreated from the door, stomping back to his room.

"Good coffee, too!" He hollers as he throws on clothes, happy chatter breaking out among his friends.

Several arguments and one run to the best to-go coffee shop in town, and Eddie was following his buddies around as they wandered through downtown Hawkins.

Since the mall had burned, shopping options had been rather limited, shops slow to reopen.

It made it difficult to buy things last minute, but Eddie found it was actually kind of fun as Henderson explained the rules they'd all agreed on (hopefully, Gareth added, because the rules had been passed along in pieces.)

"The goal is to get outrageous, funny stuff." Dustin explains as they browsed the local bookstore. "Nothing more than fifteen dollars, and nothing Christmas-y."

Eddie raises an eyebrow. "Nothing Christmas-y?" He echoes curiously.

Dustin nods, serious.

"Yeah. Christmas can be kinda a downer for some people. We came up with this as a way to celebrate without all the holiday stuff involved."

"Some people like Harrington?" Eddie guesses, sinking feeling in his stomach.

There's no way Grant and Gareth would've agreed to do a gift exchange with Steve Harrington.

Right?

Dustin sighs dramatically, whole body heaving.

"I know you've got a weird hate-on for him, but this time of year is really hard on Steve." He snaps, exasperated. "It's not my place to talk about it outside the Party, but he doesn't deserve to deal with it on his own."

There's that word again, Party.

Capital P implied, just as it implies that it's a group that Eddie is firmly excluded from.

It stings as it lands, an unintentional insult that reminds Eddie that his newest little lambs have secrets they refuse to share.

Nevermind the fact that Steve is clearly included.

Eddie collects secrets like candy, but his poking and prodding had yet to get him a solid answer on the mysterious "party."

Rather than press, Eddie raises his hands in surrender.

"Easy there, tiger. No offense meant."

Full offense meant actually, but Eddie wasn't in the mood for a full blown Henderson Rant.

Dustin narrows his eyes, but takes his words at face value. "You know, you guys would really like each other if you both just got over yourselves."

Eddie snorts, but covers it by playfully shoving Henderson's cap down into his face.

"When hell freezes over maybe. Now look, they have a new science fiction display!" The last part is sing-songed.

Thoroughly distracted, Dustin lets the conversation drop, much to Eddie's relief.

(Because really him? Liking Harrington?

Not in a million freaking years.)

xxx

It's Christmas Eve and Eddie is staring furiously at Steve Harrington's house.

"No one told me he was involved." He hisses angrily, knuckles white on his steering wheel.

"Oh my god, stop being dramatic." Dustin rolls his eyes as he talks, unbuckling himself. “I told you Steve hates Christmas, so this is how we’re including him!”

Jeff is looking equally uncomfortable, even as Lucas and Mike fall out of the van.

Gareth's car is behind him, Grant with him.

No doubt they too, are staring at the massive house in front of them in horror.

Slowly the elder Hellfire members file out, standing in a clump as the younger members rush forward.

They storm the door like they live in the damn place, fluttering about like moths.

"What the hell." Jeff mutters quietly to Eddie's left.

"Yeah guys, what the hell." Eddie repeats, shooting a glare toward Gareth and Grant. "No one mentioned this part!"

"We didn't know." Gareth defends angrily. "This was all the freshman!"

"Are you idiots coming inside or not!?" Robin Buckley of all people yells, appearing in the now open front door.

Or rather, one of the front doors, because Harrington is rich enough to have two.

"Shit." Eddie mutters.

"It's not weird if we just--leave, right?" Grant mumbles, shuffling from foot to foot.

"It's very weird if we leave." Jeff responds flatly.

A flare of anger ignites in Eddie. It comes from Steve Harrington invading this entire holiday, and Eddie finally has a chance to catch him off guard.

He'd be damned if he let it pass by.

"Brave faces men." He says, tossing his hair back with a jerk of his hand. "We're storming the castle."

Struts forward determinedly, present in hand, fully planning on making Harrington as uncomfortable as he had made Eddie.

Unintentional, or not.

xXx

It's the day before Crapmas, the one holiday Steve hates, and he's somehow been sweet talked into hosting the kids white elephant exchange.

Which was fine--they were welcome in his home anytime and they knew it--but they'd conveniently forgotten to mention this was a Hellfire Club event.

As in, Eddie "the freak" Munson and his crew of three other dudes whose names Steve doesn't know (but who probably knew his.)

"I dunno man, I wasn't the best person to a lot of people." He worried at Dustin this morning, when the brat had sprung it on him. "This probably isn't the best idea."

"Please Steve!? It's too late to change the venue and you promised you'd do a holiday thing with each of us!" Dustin whined on the other end.

At least he had the forethought to not actually use the word "Christmas."

"You did everyone else's, you can't skip out on mine!"

Everyone else's was simple shit like taking them ice skating, or shopping, or making gingerbread houses.

Not hosting a whole ass party with four people who likely hated his guts--and for good reason.

Which Steve repeated to Dustin, staring vacantly at his carefully decorated house.

Once again, his parents had called in designers to come keep appearances, sending along their usual message that they may or may not be home depending upon various work factors.

"We just never know anymore with your father's job honey." His mother slurred on the phone, four years ago. "We'll make it up to you, sweetheart. Promise."

Like more money on his credit card could fix years of ruined holidays.

(At least them being gone was better than forcing Steve to perform in their horrible holiday parties. Dressing him up like a doll, gathering drunk adults around the piano to make him play horrid Christmas songs.

Showing him off like a well trained dog, complete with finger snaps to signal him to move on to his next trick. )

“Steeeeeeve-!”

As always, Steve crumbled under Dustin's badgering.

"Fine, fine!" He’d said. “You're responsible for letting them know me and Robin are gonna be there though!”

Robin, who’d been laying on his couch, poked her head up at her name.

“They’ll know!” Dustin had promised.

Then abruptly hung up, like the brat he was.

Now four half-terrified, half-murderous looking dudes were staring Steve down as they awkwardly stood in his living room, and he had the wondrous realization that Dustin had probably sprung this on them too.

‘Little. Asshole.’ Steve thinks, but plasters the best non threatening smile on his face.

“Hey, uh, guys.” He says with an awkward little wave.

He gets three sets of glares and one impressive looking spooked face back.

Mike and Lucas were already tackling the snacks he’d put out, cheeks full of chocolates and popcorn. Dustin was re-arranging furniture to his liking, and Robin, in-between her four classmates and Steve, glanced at both sides and rolled her eyes.

“Steve, go pull the pizza out of the oven. You lot, come sit down, you look like you’re about to bolt.” Robin snaps, making everyone sans the kids jump.

Happy for the distraction, Steve quickly retreats to his kitchen, overhearing Robin try and get the elder Hellfire members to identify themselves.

Chatter fills the room, slow at first, but it becomes more fluid with Robin’s ruthless prodding. The pizza ends up needing another five minutes, which suits Steve since he hadn’t had time to pull out drinks.

He’s bent at the waist, pulling out various cans when Dustin loudly announces his presence by barging into the fridge and smacking Steve’s ass with it.

With a yelp, cans fly everywhere as Steve drops them, bouncing off the floor and rolling across the kitchen.

“Henderson!” He gripes, standing up as the kid grins at him. He has all his teeth now but the smile will probably always feel cute to Steve. By-product of knowing the little shit for far too long.

“Sorry Steve.” He says dismissively, before stepping aside with a dramatic flair. “Now stop being a total housewife for a second and meet Eddie!”

The sound of cans still rolling ringing in his ears, Steve finds himself staring into Munson’s eyes.

Who looks all too delighted to have seen Steve fumble.

“Thought you were a jock, Harrington. What happened to those reflexes?” He smirks, and Steve feels his face flush red.

“Yeah well,” Steve says, hand reflexively rubbing the back of his neck, “Turns out hanging around kids kinda ruins them.”

This is clearly not the response Eddie was expecting.

Nor is he expecting Dustin to loudly announce that; “Steve once played a D&D campaign with us, but he totally ate it as a cleric. You should give him some tips, Eddie!”

Now it’s Steve’s turn to smirk, because Munson looks completely thrown.

“Is…that a joke?” Eddie asks carefully, looking between the two of them.

Dustin shakes his head. “Nope! You can ask Lucas’s sister, she was there.”

He then glances down at his watch, and gives the biggest fake gasp Steve has ever heard (and Steve once sat through Will and Mike acting in a play for their English class, while Nancy and Jonathan silently suffered second-hand embarrassment next to him.)

“Oh shit, I forgot something! Be right back!”

“Language!” Steve calls, as Dustin shoots out of the kitchen. “And be careful not to trip on the cans!”

Munson, who looks like he’s taken a wrong turn and ended up in the Twilight Zone, stares at him. “Did you seriously play a cleric?”

“Weave Healington was a brave man who sacrificed himself in a time of need.” Steve tells him seriously, just to see the guy’s reaction. “May he rest in peace.”

“Weave Healington.” Eddie deadpans.

Steve, keeping his face blank by the skin of his teeth, nods.

“Please tell me that wasn’t the pizza you just dropped.” Robin says as she flies into the kitchen, interrupting Eddie’s face rapidly cycling through different emotions with a badly wrapped present in her hands.

“Stevie boy dropped the pop, Buckley Bird.” Eddie says, recovering quickly. “I would not recommend drinking out of anything currently laying on the floor.”

“Noted.” Robin says, pausing to stare at the cans scattered about. “Hey Steve, did you wrap your weird eyeball thingie? Or do you want me to do it? I dunno how long the kids are gonna wait.”

Like a dog hearing a whistle, Munson’s whole head tips sideways. “Weird eyeball thingie?”

“Oh my god, it’s this--I don’t even know how to describe it. Like an alternative ouija board? It says it’s a “fortune telling game.” Robin makes the quotation marks with her hands. “It has this giant, ugly eyeball in the middle.”

She leans forward conspiratorially to add; “It glows in the dark.”

“Oh my god, Steve, your gift is Ka-Bala!?” Dustin says, bouncing up like a damn jack-in-the-box. “I’ve always wanted that game!”

“Robin!” Steve hisses, because of course she’d announce that right as Dustin would pop back up.

“Oh shit.” Robin says, shooting him an apologetic glance. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin your gift.”

Steve sighs dramatically, but keeps a small grin on his face so Robin knows he’s not really upset. “Guess I’ll have to go find a new one--which means your punishment is that you and Dustin are now in charge of the pizza. And also picking up all the cans.”

“Curses.” Robin says flatly, before breaking out into a grin herself, while Dustin whines.

“It’s probably for the best.” Eddie says, though the guy sounds weirdly like someone desperately off balance and scrambling to fix it. “You know you weren’t supposed to pick cool gifts, right Harrington?”

Steve raises his eyebrows at him. “Cool? It’s kinda weird. It’s disgustingly neon green. And Robin forgot to mention it’s a board game.”

He pushes Dustin’s hat down as he walks by, and laughs aloud when Eddie follows up by knocking it right off Henderson’s head.

“Hey!” Dustin squeaks, hands darting to cover his hat hair.

He’s ignored.

“Neon green, giant eyeball, fortune telling board game?” Eddie sums up. “Yeah might have to murder Buckley because that sounds rad as hell.”

Steve snorts as he walks down the hall and up the stairs, somehow unsurprised to find the metalhead is following.

“You want it, Munson?” He asks as they hit his second floor, Steve aiming for his fathers office. “You’re welcome to it, I never even opened the thing.”

“What do you want for it?” Eddie asks, following Steve right through the door, before stopping dead.

A typical reaction to someone walking into his fathers stuffy, stupidly expensive office. Like the rest of Steve’s house, it looks as though it was transported straight out of a magazine. Everything is shiny and worse--unused.

“Nothing, man.” Steve said, standing in front of said desk now with his arms crossed. “I mean it, it’s still got the plastic on it. You’re gonna have to sneak it by Dustin though.” He turned to smile at Eddie, feeling like they were sharing a joke, “He might physically fight you for it.”

For some reason this made a hell of a blush streak across Munson’s cheeks, before the guy coughed and swung into the office behind Steve.

“He can try.” Eddie managed finally, voice a shade higher than normal.

As he always did to social things he didn’t understand, Steve just ignored the change.

“Why’d you never play it?” Eddie asks, as Steve scans the shelves of stupidly expensive knick-knacks.

“Someone trying to impress my parents got it for me one Christmas.” He says with a shrug. “They wouldn’t let me open it then, and I forgot all about it until I was digging for something else.”

“They don’t care about it now I take it?”

Steve can’t help the snort that leaves his throat. “They’d have to be around to care.” Then to get the conversation back on track, says; “Okay, I’m thinking the shitty World’s Best Boss trophy.”

He points to the gaudy thing, all shiny from the ass kissing the person who’d purchased it had done in hopes Steve’s dad would give him a raise. Or not fire him, Steve never knew which it was.

"I take it your dad’s not gonna be here to care that it’s gone?” Eddie asks, walking up to stand next to Steve.

Another grin appears on Steve’s face, shared conspiratorially with Eddie when he looks over to the metalhead. “That’s my gift to myself man. I’m gonna see how long it takes before he notices it’s gone.”

Eddie whistled, quiet enough to not hurt Steve’s ears. “Fuck the old man, huh?”

“Absolutely.” Steve agreed, stepping forward to fish the trophy down.

“Gotta say man, you’re surprising me. I didn’t expect such a thing from you. Especially since Henderson told me you hate Christmas.”

Steve shrugged as he turned back around, new white elephant gift in hand. “Yeah it’s a thing I’m trying.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Not hating Christmas?”

“Not being a dick. Which,” He shook the trophy, “--means sticking it to the biggest dick in my life. I think I’ll always hate Christmas.”

Eddie snorted a laugh, then looked startled, like he hadn’t expected that reaction out of himself.

Steve grinned at it.

“You uh--you know if you ever want to talk about the hating Christmas thing, I think I get it. Or can relate. Sorta.” Eddie says, and it’s so stilted that it takes Steve a moment to figure out what he’s offering.

He almost asks him if he’s kidding, but thinks better of it.

“I think I’m less cut up about it then the kids are but, for what it’s worth--thanks.”

Doesn’t think he’ll ever take anyone up on that offer, epically not someone who doesn’t know that an entire hell dimension exists under them but--

It’s nice. To have someone recognize that Steve hates it. That there are reasons he might.

He recalls suddenly that the man at the ice rink who’d also seen through his melancholy was in fact, Eddie’s Uncle, and briefly wonders if this just runs through the family.

“Come on, I gotta wrap this and then get back downstairs before Robin and Dustin burn the house down.” He says instead, because he doesn’t want to get in his own head about it. Not tonight, when he knows the kids have gone out of their way in an effort to celebrate the holiday without making him feel like he was celebrating it. “Or worse, they start the white-elephant without us.”

“After you, my liege.” Eddie says with a dramatic bow.

Steve pauses awkwardly for a moment, before giving the world's most careful curtsey back.

(Laughs loudly as Eddie almost falls on his face in surprise, before the older man scrambles to chase after Steve, out of the office.)

xXx

It’s 12:00 pm, making it officially Christmas day, and Eddie Munson is rapidly re-evaluating his entire life.

Well perhaps not all of it, just the parts with Steve Harrington.

They’re playing the best white-elephant game Eddie has ever participated in, a cutthroat competition that’s filled the house with shrieks and laughter.

Henderson’s gift, cat-paw shaped mittens with “You’ve gotta be kitten me” scrawled on the back is the current winning prize, with Mike’s salt and pepper shakers made in the shape of two pigs “porking” being a close second.

The worst gift is a tie between the eye searing scarf Gareth’s mother had created (complete with bedazzled gems) and an abomination of a stuffed animal Grant insists is an ET doll.

It looked like a deformed llama sat on its ass, and Lucas already scared Mike with it twice.

Eddie’s own gift, ( a mug with Tom Selleck posing shirtless) was jokingly fought over by Robin and Steve to the bitter end, while Gareth was defending the blue circular cookie tin (the kind that mothers shoved needles and sewing threads into, but shockingly enough actually held real cookies) with his life.

Literally at one point, as he laid over it while Jeff tackled him.

Eddie himself had gone for the gold, wanting the trophy Steve had procured. He too, was defending it aggressively against Dustin, who was currently stuck with Lucas’s gift (one of his sister’s pet rock creations she’d apparently tried to sell to her classmates.

It was hideous.)

Now stretched out on his bed, legs in the air as he stares at the Ka-Bala game Steve had snuck into his arms with a wink, Eddie finds he’s the guy’s managed to go from haunting his whole life, to trying to haunt his heart.

Made him want to do the thing he’d angrily been against this entire time--take a look at the guy closer.

See past his bullshit, at the person hiding underneath.

Find out what Steve was talking to his Uncle about, and why his house looked like a Christmas themed tomb.

Why his parents were gone. What the hell made him he pick a cleric in D&D. How he met the kids and why Dustin thought the sun shines out of his ass.

But most of all?

Why the hell had Steve Harrington put a note on the back of the Ka-Bala game?

‘Hope you like the game..’ It read, with the dorkiest little smiley face. ‘I wouldn’t mind hanging out again.’

Below it was a number, and Eddie felt himself go red in the face.

Steve Harrington was a fucking mystery, but one Eddie himself, had been personally invited to solve.

‘Merry Christmas to me I guess.’ He thought, and tried very, very hard not to kick his legs in the air.

#I invite you all to end your xmas with some steddie fluff #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #steve harrington x eddie #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things 4 #0o0 fanfics #xmas special #fluff #Ka #Ka-Bala is a real game and its the goofiest looking thing ever.#white elephant

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thesherrinfordfacility · 9 months

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okay let's get them hard truths out in the open following episode 6, bearing in mind that i am in the UK and am therefore chronically sleep-deprived, and have watched the Feral Domestic™ maybe only like oh 7 times:

crowley is as much at fault as aziraphale. they are both as bad as each other. their own individual idiosyncrasies are literally the other's emotional downfall and if im honest im not entirely sure there's any way they can adequately move past it.

waxed on and on and on about it, but aziraphale's issue is not that he has any allegiance to heaven. he doesn't at all, and that is obvious in his initial reaction to the metatron, in that he essentially says that he knows his place and it is not Up Above. it is right there in the bookshop, and with crowley (even if he didn't consciously think it that explicitly at the time). he doesn't want any part of the heaven that it currently is, he has had enough and is tired of trying to be the angel that hides who he is and what he wants from his existence. that much is very much clear.

but the mantra throughout most of life is to be the change you want to see in the world. look at the major societal issues that are happening in the world today; people are rising up and fighting for what is right, and what they believe in, and wanting to make changes. now look at this opportunity that aziraphale has been given. regardless of the questionable motive of the metatron offering it to him; if you were in his position, could you say you'd find it easy to refuse that?

the issue here with aziraphale is that he (again, ill harp on about it until the cows come home) thinks that crowley - this demon that isn't a good demon because he is good and kind and gentle - would want to have his place in making that change happen; be by aziraphale's side whilst they create the world and heaven that is different from the largely shit one they've always known, hated, and feared. this is where the Pedestal comes in; like i said before, aziraphale has now been confronted with the fact that this demon, his best friend and love of his life, is acting in the way he's always acted but that aziraphale refuses to acknowledge... because to acknowledge crowley's shortcomings (which ill discuss in a sec) would be to question aziraphale's faith in him, and mean falling from the pedestal that has been aziraphale's status quo for the last few thousand years at minimum.

edit: this also needed adding because it touches on aziraphale's tendency to hold himself superior to crowley, which he also does in the Domestic scene.

crowley's issue is twofold. one, he cannot move on from the fall. second, that he is sometimes a manipulative and childish shit. the first is obvious, and his recent experiences with heaven have only compounded this (ie his conversation with gabriel/goob, where he lays into him about gabriel's part in the cruelty shown towards aziraphale to the point he almost makes goob kill/injure himself). crowley can also however be incredibly cruel borne out of his own pain. there were major hints in s2 that not only did crowley fall (no matter what the metatron says, im still not convinced he fell for only asking questions) but he fell from a great sodding height that in his mind should have made him untouchable. my thoughts on morality in heaven have already been discussed, but that must have had a huge impact on crowley; it is no wonder that it's a sore point and he feels bitter, resentful, and angry.

in the above context, id want nothing to do with heaven either. but crowley doesn't communicate and im guessing that his feelings about the fall are a No Go area in terms of what he's shared with aziraphale... so for crowley to assume that aziraphale turned down the metatron is grossly unfair - how was aziraphale necessarily meant to know how deep his trauma (if we're applying human mental health constructs) runs? he isn't to know that at all - so it does track that aziraphale would think that crowley would want to help him make a difference so they don't have to keep getting involved in the toxicity that is the heaven/hell politico-moral dichotomy.

what also upset me about the Domestic was the kiss. i loved it for what it was in isolation and it was a long time coming, and a huge movement in the dance they constantly have with each other, but it was in essence manipulative. i realise crowley was on his last emotional straw and yes, perhaps the love and devotion got too much for him to contain... but he literally just stood there and heard aziraphale tell him that he wanted crowley and he wanted them to be together. there were no qualms at all that aziraphale loves him as much as he loves aziraphale. so, what was the kiss meant to prove?

to my mind, it was manipulation; specific, a temptation. whilst very romantic and 'sweep him off his feet with the violins playing', it was also non-consensual and unwarranted on crowley's part - to the point of being derogatory and redundant (lets be clear: not a criticism on Neil for adding the kiss, im purely talking about crowley as a character and his Choices here). there was nothing to prove, nothing that that kiss could have possibly convinced aziraphale to do. so the only thing that leaves, imo, is that it was a temptation. crowley does not typically use temptation in this way, or at least that's the impression ive had throughout s1 and s2, so he chooses now is the time? to tempt aziraphale into staying with him? of course he does!

he's desperate, but also childish and immature and completely ignorant of what aziraphale is actually saying to him. aziraphale never denied him; aziraphale wanted him in this opportunity exactly by his side as he always has been. but that didn't fit with what crowley wanted, so he tried to make aziraphale bend to his will. aziraphale says the fatal words "i forgive you", but if he has (as i suspect he has) realised that crowley was trying to manipulate him... well, id probably say something as damning to crowley as 'i forgive you' too.

when aziraphale said 'nothing last forever', i realise crowley took that to mean him and the life that they built together, but it obviously wasn't that at all. aziraphale is saying that they have eternity ahead of them, that he wants to spend it with crowley, whatever has to end around them (ahem the world? apocalypse from s1, anyone?). aziraphale demonstrated consistently throughout s2 that he is trying to give crowley his own agency where heaven/hell are concerned (paraphrased but: "I want you to help me but if you don't want to, you are free to leave"). crowley however seemed that he was constantly one foot out the door in case things got Too Much (which, you know - valid) but aziraphale really did his best to make crowley not only not feel suffocated but also that crowley was wanted. and for anyone that is a tough balancing act.

the two of them have had 6000+ years of Not Really Communicating. this is the detritus that remains when they don't, and it was absolutely needed in this season. for them to break apart and break in and of themselves. s3 needs to be where they learn more about themselves than each other, and stop believing that the other is infallible, because such thinking - worship, blind faith - only ends badly.

#good omens #not the analysis this fandom wants #but the analysis that it needs #i will proof read this at some point so if shit doesnt read well or make sense just pretend that it does #aziraphale meta #s2 meta #feral domestic/final fifteen meta

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thorniest-rose · 3 months

Text

Hi everyone,

A lot’s happened over the last few days and I know that I’ve been under a lot of scrutiny and the subject of conversation, so I wanted to take a moment to talk about it with you. I didn't address it last week when I was told that people in the fandom were posting about me and sharing screenshots of my blog. This was to protect my mental health, but now I want to share my own thoughts.

It's really hard not to lash out in situations like this because of how much it hurts. To go through something like this is shocking and humiliating, it rips the ground up from under your feet. But I didn't want to go on the attack because I knew how much worse that would make things. No matter how opinionated I am, conflict makes me feel sick and makes me want to hide. So instead of lashing out, I've done a lot of thinking over the past few days, not just about what's happened to me, but about things I've done and what could have led to this.

Firstly, I want to apologise to everyone whose feelings I may have hurt when I posted certain things in the past. I want any space that I cultivate to be a happy, positive one for the people who spend time here and at times I think I’ve unintentionally created an atmosphere that has felt combative or alienating. I honestly never consider myself to be a well-known writer or someone whose voice has reach in the wider fandom. No matter how many followers I have or how many people read my fics, I always see myself as a girl just spending time on her tumblr, but that's naive and I should have recognised that in a shared space, all opinions are seen and have an impact.

Discourse is my least favourite thing about interacting in fandom and there have been times where I’ve let myself be drawn into it. That doesn’t mean it’s ever okay to look down on what other people enjoy and I really regret posting those things now because that’s not who I am as a person. Expressing displeasure and other negative feelings isn’t what I want to engage in and I should remember how easy it is for flippant, spur of the moment comments to be taken out of context. Saying things like “I don’t like this” even on my own blog is immature and beneath me and I’m genuinely sorry.

I am also in no way any sort of authority on how these characters are written, no one is. A fandom is for everyone. I’m passionate and vocal in my own space because I treat my tumblr as a slumber party with my friends, but in my enthusiasm, there have been times where it seems like I’m saying my characterisations are the only valid ones. I don’t think that’s the case at all, and I genuinely love and admire the creativity in this fandom. I’ve said this before, but just because I have preferences doesn’t mean I want every characterisation to be the same as mine because that would become extremely dull. I believe that any and all interpretations should have an audience.

However, while I take responsibility for the things I've said on my blog, the things that have been said about me in response have been extremely spiteful and damaging. I never wanted a war with anyone. I should know better than to court discourse in such a volatile fandom, even inadvertently. To take issue with me and what I said is fine, I accept the criticism and apologise; at times my comments have been juvenile and mean-spirited. But a group of people targeting me, screenshotting my posts, calling me names and attacking what I write isn’t proportionate at all and encourages a wider pack mentality. I think we should all remember that there is an actual person behind the screen reading the things that we post and that our words can cause real harm. It’s easy to dehumanise an avatar and a username. And I think it speaks to a rot at the heart of fandoms that so many people find pleasure in fighting and where feelings can fester into hatred and vitriol.

I am outspoken and passionate about what I love. I sometimes bristle at things I see that don’t gel with my ideas or at a misjudged tone, and I post about them instead of seeing the bigger picture and moving on. It’s a flaw and something I’m working on, to be more open and less reactive. I don’t want fighting or tension, and I don’t want rivalries. I also don’t ever want to make people feel like their characterisations are wrong/invalid/unworthy or that they themselves don’t belong and that I’m some kind of fandom queen bee trying to ice them out. While that’s genuinely never been my intention, I can see how things have been taken that way and I’m sorry for that too.

Again, I’m sorry to everyone I’ve hurt or alienated with comments that I’ve made. I always want to be kind and compassionate. And while I don’t think what’s happened over the past few days is OK, I can see the bigger picture and why things I’ve said, or the atmosphere I’ve cultivated, has planted seeds of resentment. I've also unblocked the person who's been posting about me, if they want to reach out to talk privately.

I know there are people reading this who have been following me for the past four years, and in that time have seen me struggle, and fall down, and make mistakes, but hopefully grow and learn from those mistakes too. I’m so grateful to you all.

I’m going to take a break from tumblr for a week or so, to spend time away from socials, to connect with friends and other passions and focus on self-care. And to write, of course, because I’ll always be writing, whether it’s here or elsewhere.

See you all soon,

Brooke 💕

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kairoot · 5 months

Note

Hiii! I love your blog so much! 💌

If your requests are open could I please make a request?

So basically I have dimple but because I also have braces I never really smile to the point my dimples are visible so expect for my family noone really knows I have dimples.

Could you maybe do a Ni-ki oneshot where it's like this & one day Ni-ki makes the reader liker super happy & he finds out she has dimples & sees her actual smile for the first time but the reader gets insecure about her braces?

I hope that made sense😭😭

Pls take care of your health & have a good day/night🤍

⟢ — dimple. | 니키.

genre: fluff

warnings: mentions of being insecure

requested: yes!

pairing: niki x fem!reader

milan’s note: thank u sm! 💕 im sorry this request took so long btw ❣︎ also i love dimples n braces??? i find them so cute omggg 😭

— play dimple by bts

skipping around your empty home, you giggled to yourself quietly. your family was out of town but you’d have your boyfriend to stay with you for a couple of days.

you hadn’t got to see him lately, only because of your schedules. you two would exchange texts and facetime quite often but it was never better than seeing him in person.

just as you were about to walk into the kitchen, there was a knock at the door.

smiling even more than before, you jogged up to the door, checking the peephole.

after verifying the person at your doorstep, you swung the door open smiling brightly.

“ki!” you jumped in niki’s arms, causing him to stumble back a bit. he chuckled, wrapping an arm around you and placing a kiss on your head.

“hi, baby.” he mumbled into your hair, placing another kiss there.

after a few seconds of being in the hug, you stepped back to let him breathe.

before he walked into the doorway, you noticed one hand behind his back.

niki noticed the confused look you gave him, causing him to look down to where the rest of his arm had been hidden. he pulled it back to reveal a colorful bouquet of your favorite flowers.

“ki, you didn’t-“ you smiled widely, your dimple on full display without you realizing it. niki nodded, grinning at your excitement.

“i did.”

you let him step into your home, handing the flowers over to you. closing the door behind you, you took the flowers away from him with the same smile plastered on your face.

not noticing this though, niki admired your smile. he’d known about your braces but never about your dimple. you never smiled hard enough for it to show but it made him feel proud that he could ever make you smile so hard.

but it also made him feel a little sad. why didn’t you show off such a beautiful smile more often?

“your smile is so adorable.” he shook his head, resting a hand on your lower back as you stood at the counter, placing your bouquet in a vase.

your actions halted for a split second, your smile falling just a bit. you didn’t even realize you were cheesing so hard.

“what?”

“your smile,” niki repeated. “it’s adorable. you should smile like that more often.”

“nah.. it’s-“

you bit back the new grin that formed on your face from the compliment he gave you. your hand came up to block it but niki was faster.

he held your hand in his, running his thumb over the back of yours.

“it’s pretty. i love it.”

he released your hand, bringing his up to squish your cheek a bit, causing you to beam like before, showing off those colorful bands.

he placed a quick kiss there before poking the cute divot in your cheek.

⟢ milan’s note: im sorry this was so short 😭 it’s almost 3am so my brains a little…

taglist: @haechansbbg @contyynishimura @sasfransisco @kgneptun

#kairoot #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enha niki #niki enhypen #enhypen scenarios #enha x reader #enha scenarios #enha fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen x female reader #enhypen fluff

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luna-rainbow · 2 months

Note

i saw someone recently say that they preferred sambucky over stevebucky (either platonic or romantic tbh) because they felt bucky was happier not living under the shadow of his former self? suggesting that he intentionally spent most of him time post winter soldier away from steve because he didn't want to be compared to a former version of himself that he couldn't return to? I'm a big lover of stevebucky so the idea that steve wouldn't be able to stop comparing (even if subconsciously) post-ws bucky to pre-ws bucky made me question the ship slightly? or that bucky was actually happier without steve in the readjustment process bc he could become his own person without preconceived ideas of what he should be like hanging over his head. I've read a few fics about this and i kinda wanted to know what u thought - would steve's knowledge of the old bucky affect their relationship so negatively that bucky would be happier alone/with people unfamiliar with who he was before (sorry for the rambling question)

Thank you lovely for the very interesting ask! I love these kind of hypotheticals!

First and foremost, don't ever let anyone convince you that you're only allowed to ship one pairing. A lot of people DO only ship one ship, and kudos to them, but you are not a bad fan if you want to ship Bucky with multiple people. Heck, I got into Stucky via Sambucky, and uh…anyway, here I am.

The idea that "Bucky stayed away from Steve because he didn't want to be compared to old Bucky" is one of my favourite angsty "loss of innocence" tropes to explore -- because yes, that's going to be one of Bucky's major insecurities after the Winter Soldier. He isn't the same person as before and no matter how hard he tries, he's never going to go back to who he was before.

The absolutely fascinating part, then, is how a fanfic writer decides to address this. So yeah, I can see this as the jumping board for a SamBucky story (or any other non Stucky ship).

But this is also a concept that not only fits in well within the Stucky fanon/narrative, it's also crucial to explore in order to bring the two of them back together. How does Steve accept that Bucky has changed, and how does Bucky come to trust that Steve accepts this changed version of him?

The answer is, for me, this is Steve we're talking about. Steve with all his tenacity and empathy and loyalty. This is Steve who's known Bucky since childhood, who probably knows Bucky better than the current Bucky remembers himself. This is also a Steve has fought one of the bloodiest wars in history. He is young, but he's not naive. The people of his time didn't have the right words for it - but he has seen a lot of mental health issues on the field. He's come out on the other end of the war still believing in the goodness of humans (his "I'm willing to bet I'm not" speech), so I have no doubt he will look at Bucky and see that -- yeah, you've changed, you've had terrible things happen to you for well over half a century, but you are also still the same kind soul that I grew up with, and that kindness is what's most important; I can still see him in you, even if you are different, and I believe you deserve all the love I can give you.

And you know what, there IS canon evidence that Steve believes in Bucky, believes in the goodness that couldn't be burned away with 70 years of brainwashing. Sam saying to Steve - (Bucky) isn't the kind you save and he won't know you - and Steve replying without an ounce of doubt in his voice, "He will." Or Steve going after Bucky to save him from the SIT because "he'd have done the same for me".

I think another crux is that recent gif set - the "I'm following the little guy from Brooklyn" speech. That was a vow - it was Bucky saying "I loved you (platonically/romantically/wte) when you were a poor disabled scruffy kid in the dumps, and I will love you just the same even if you're a buff blue-eyed Adonis." Their story, as always, encircles each other's - it is now Steve's turn to say "I loved you when you were a nerdy protective flirt and I will love you just the same even if you're disabled and scruffy and dealing with horrendous PTSD". I think that vow also highlights just how important Steve was, even at that point, to Bucky, which means…their loyalty will always draw them back to each other. Once Bucky sees Steve has faith in him, he will have faith in himself to rebuild his identity in a way that's true to him.

It really depends on the writer, but most versions I’ve seen in which Steve and Bucky separate (over this issue) write Steve as either obtuse, selfish or emotionally immature…which is not how I read him to be. I think he has the emotional maturity to accept that Bucky will have similarities but will also have stark differences to who he once was...but then, time leaves its mark on everyone it touches, not just Bucky (I kinda touched on that concept on my "Learning to Want" fic *self plug*). It's a rough road and on some days there's going to be more setbacks than progress, and yeah on some days Steve is going to get frustrated and upset and maybe even a little defeatist, but I think both he and Bucky have that tenacious survivor streak in them that will pull them through, especially if they're together.

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #stucky #asks #stucky meta

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1d1195 · 7 months

Text

Zipper Extra V

Read the rest of Zipper here

@jhughesangel (I hope this is you, I think you changed your Username on me since the last time I posted about these cutie pies) I hope you like this, I think you're probably my #1 Zipper fan so it's most important to me that you enjoy it specifically💕

This part is based on this ask from my amazing 🐱-anon, but I lowkey struggled as usual so it turned into Harry being whiny again but I gave her a full blown sob-fest. So hopefully I got it a little right--maybe a little more than normal anyway.

~4.7k words

Warnings: fluff, angst. Maybe a little bit of 18+ stuff but don't blink or you'll miss it.

(Maybe listen to Lover for some ambiance if you feel like it.)

He should have asked her out the moment he met her. They should have been one of those couples that had known since grade school they were destined for each other. It shouldn’t have taken Harry twenty years to come to his senses.

“Are you sure you want to be with Harry?”

It happened while they were at dinner with friends. Her friend Sarah had been wary of their relationship essentially since it started. Harry wasn’t supposed to hear their conversation, he was seated a few seats across and down from the pair of them. It was a hushed whisper and honestly, he had to strain to hear anyway while the guys in the group chatted about something else. Another pair of ladies were off getting drinks at the bar. Leaving Sarah and his angel to chat.

“What?” She nearly laughed. It was a joke, surely, that one of her best friends would say such a thing. Of course, she was sure. In fact, she wasn’t sure of much else in her life. Christmas was on the twenty-fifth, Australia was wider than the moon, nine times four was thirty-six, and she was in love with Harry. It was a fact of life.

But whatever the guys were talking about was irrelevant. Harry was focused so very hard on hearing every word of her conversation—especially when he heard the beginning of it. “I just worry you’re settling,” Sarah whispered. “You don’t have to, you know. You shouldn’t.”

“I really love Harry,” she affirmed. That made Harry feel marginally better.

“But he was an asshole,” Sarah reminded her. “Like...for a really long time,” what hurt more than them talking about this while Harry was in earshot...even if they thought he wasn’t paying attention was that Sarah was right.

“But was he?” She smirked like it was a joke. Surely it was a joke. Sarah loved Harry. She loved Harry. They had a rough start. A different start than most love stories. But it didn’t mean that he didn’t love her any less than if they had a normal approach to their romance. Harry worshipped her now. He wished he always did. He would probably regret it for the rest of his life.

“Babe, he should have kissed the ground you walked on for the entire time you knew him. Yes. He was an asshole.”

“He is not an asshole,” she said softly. Bless her gentle heart for defending him. Harry wanted to kiss her and thank her for being so kind even though she was wrong. Sarah was completely correct. He should have kissed the ground she walked on all the time. For as long as he knew her. He should have asked her out the moment he met her. They should have been one of those couples that had known since grade school they were destined for each other. It shouldn’t have taken Harry twenty years to come to his senses.

“Look, I love Harry,” Sarah said. At least she knew that much. “I just...don’t want your heart to get broken because Harry’s already showed exactly who he is.”

Harry knew that he had a lot to make up for still. But she always reassured him that it wasn’t necessary. It wouldn’t stop him from trying to fix the years of heartache he caused. Harry still thought about the sound of her perfect voice cracking when she asked him why he didn’t like her. Back when he was feeding her Chinese food because he was so worried about her health and how sick she looked from working herself so hard.

Maybe it would never be enough. But Harry wouldn’t let her slip away. Not after wasting all the time of their childhoods, teens, and early adulthood. Harry would never stop proving that this was good, they were meant to be. It was why she instilled confidence in Harry when he seemed like the shittiest boyfriend in the world: forgetting her birthday, giving her the silent treatment when he was frustrated, or when he accidentally ruined her white T-shirt with one of his blue socks. She felt—no, knew—that they were meant to be.

So why wasn’t she telling Sarah exactly that? The pause in their conversation was deafening. Even over the laughter of their friends. Sarah was sipping her drink. Like she was grateful she got through to her. Harry waited anxiously for her to say something.

But she never did.

Sarah didn’t bring it up again or press further. It was all Harry could think about. He wanted an answer. He wanted to know why she paused. Why wasn’t she defending him? Was she...agreeing? The other ladies returned from getting more drinks and the conversation looped back into everyone chatting away.

But Harry felt terrible. She seemed to notice almost instantly. Of course, she did. She always noticed the change in Harry’s demeanor. Always worried about him. She was perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Without fanfare, she got up to change seats to get closer to him; people shifted silently allowing her space. She perched gently on one of his legs, leaned forward, gently kissed his cheek. “You okay, baby?” She asked quietly, nosing at his ear.

No. Not at all. “M’fine,” he grabbed her hand and wrapped his fingers between hers. It didn’t make sense that she would suddenly feel like Sarah was right. Their fingers fit together perfectly. It was fate. They were...perfectly...imperfect.

“Wanna leave so we can go make out?” She asked with a smile.

It was hard to be frustrated when she was adorable. He wished that he had gotten his act together years ago. “Yes, please, kitten.” She pecked his cheek again.

The ride home was quiet. She didn’t pay much mind to it because she got a little sleepy after having wine. Harry took the time to think about how terrible he was as a boyfriend. What her silence meant. Was he making this a bigger deal than needed? He should have asked right then.

But they arrived home and made out for a significant amount of time before falling asleep. Harry had his hands in her hair and his lips devoured hers. His tongue searching for the answer to a question he didn’t ask out loud.

His hands slid down her body and back under her shirt. It made him moan against her lips while she kissed him. An involuntary shiver coursed through her body as he touched her. She dreamed of Harry like this more often than she cared to admit. More so when they started working together. Ever more so when they started being friends. She dreamed of Harry’s voice in her ear whispering to her while he kissed her, touched her, slid into her, and made her whimper, begging silently for a euphoric release. “S’matter, kitten?” His lips touched the curve of her ear making her turn to mush in his hands. “Y’worked up?”

She shook her head. “Just...really happy,” she whispered back. He smiled into her skin. He forgot about Sarah’s question. Forgot about how she didn’t say anything to defend him. It wasn’t the time to worry about it. Right now, he wanted to focus on her beautiful body, her soft lips, and just having her in his arms where he felt she belonged most.

Harry’s cologne made her dizzy, made her feel so safe and warm. She didn’t think about what Sarah said. It wasn’t a thought in her mind. Harry wasn’t her settling. He was worth the wait. No matter how painful it was at times. He was hers now; that’s all that mattered. Even at his worst, he was just a bit grumpier than she would have liked.

If not being friends for so long of their lives and not being a couple for just as long—if that brought her to him now, then it was well worth it. She would redo it over and over again and not change one thing. Harry was perfectly... imperfect. Their life just got stuck for a minute. Like when a zipper gets caught on something. They had to clear up the issue and start over from the spot it stuck. But they fit together... perfectly. Snug together zipped to the top. This is where she was meant to be. She wasn’t settling. Not even a little.

Harry was unbelievably nice following the night out. She wasn’t complaining in the slightest. It was just a little different. Not quite out of character, but the behavior usually followed a missed date or something that irritated her slightly.

He had to have gotten up an extra hour earlier to bring her coffee and walk with her to work. He held her hand and massaged his thumb on the back of her hand. During lunch she spoke rapidly about her cases, the book she was reading, a new recipe she found and wanted to try. He nodded eagerly at everything. Harry hardly spoke as she filled their lunch hour with just her voice.

But the way he gazed at her made her feel so warm and fuzzy. He had this smile that made half his face quirk up at an angle that made him look like an angel. She loved him so much it made her stomach twist. “What?” She asked wiping her hand across her face. “Do I have something on my face?” He chuckled, shaking his head. Silently, he walked around his desk, pulled her to her feet, wrapped his arm around her waist, cupped her hand in his, and began to slowly sway to the music playing from his phone. Her heart felt like it wasn’t whole up until that point but suddenly it felt like all the pieces snapped together. She looked up at him curiously, a laugh falling out of her mouth as she did. “What is this, Harry?”

He shrugged. “Jus’... I love you, a lot,” he murmured into her ear, pressing a kiss on her temple.

“Enough to dance in the middle of a lunch break?”

“Especially,” he nodded firmly. As if it was obvious, as if it was the only thing that made sense. If this was what everyone did when they worked.

She tried to remember if she had forgotten his birthday. Or their anniversary. But nothing popped into her mind. They were in work clothes, uncomfortable shoes, and her hair was tied up, so it was out of her face. It wasn’t her best look. It wasn’t necessarily what she would consider a good time to dance. But Harry never ceased to amaze her with how romantic he could be.

“Harry Styles, I love you so extremely, much,” she whispered. The sigh that left him sounded relieved, but she didn’t think much of it. She was happy to be in Harry’s arms in the middle of work and dancing like it was the most natural and normal thing in the world.

Even if it wasn’t, she thought it was because of him.

But just a few days later Harry practically ignored her. They were watching a movie together and Harry was more engrossed in his phone than the characters on screen.

“Harry?”

“Hmm?”

She blinked in surprise. “Um... are you mad?” He shook his head, but it felt like the opposite. Frowning, she turned her attention back to the movie. Maybe it was work. There was no way he could be mad at her over something. Nothing came to mind. “Upset?” She asked without looking at him.

“Everything is fine, love.”

She reached out for his hand, he held it lightly, brought it to his lips, and then dropped it back to the couch. Maybe she was reading into it. But dancing in the office in the middle of the week couldn’t have meant nothing and it certainly couldn’t have reverted to this standoffish tone and behavior in a matter of days. Harry scrolled through his phone again silently. “Are you sure—”

“Kitten. M’fine.”

The frown on her lips and between her eyebrows deepened. She was sad that Harry was upset. Even if he wasn’t admitting it. But more so she was worried that it was something she did. Sometimes she had to piece it together because of the knack Harry had for not telling her when something bothered him.

After a few moments of silence, a few moments longer of him ignoring her, he put his phone back on the coffee table. Carefully he pulled her into his lap, so she straddled his waist and he smiled at her like he did right before they danced together. “I adore you,” he murmured bringing her mouth down to his.

She forgot any worry she had when he did that.

It was impossible not to notice that Harry was still acting...weird. Since they started dating, he had always been more loving toward her, of course. Especially compared to the decades he wasn’t dating her. But this week...he was nearly attached to her hip. It was like he was nervous to leave her alone or move from her side. Maybe it was something in the air; they were approaching their second anniversary. Maybe Harry was trying to actively remember it this year. It wasn’t his fault—not really. He forgot her birthday again...and their first anniversary. But he warned her from the very beginning that it would happen. She didn’t mind. He always made it up to her and it wasn’t like he...meant to forget it. He set reminders and everything, but he kept managing to be busy.

Perhaps he was starting with the romance before he forgot it so it would lessen the blow.

But then he switched to that off-putting behavior like when they were watching a movie. It switched so rapidly back and forth. Hour by hour. It was like she had two different boyfriends.

After dinner, Harry was in his silent phase again. He was nearly ignoring her. She hated it. “Um...I’m gonna head home, baby. Do you need anything?” She asked.

“No, thank you, kitten.”

He didn’t even try to stop her. Didn’t worry about her Ubering across town alone. Nothing. It was completely different than the guy that begged her to stay the night—that he would wake her and dress her while she slept all in the name of snuggling with her until the morning. Sighing, she rubbed a hand over her face, grabbed her bag and kissed Harry on the cheek as she left him on the couch.

Certainly, she would have remembered if she did something to upset him. She tried to remember every interaction over the beginning of the week when his weird behavior started. As she got into her Uber her phone rang, alerting her that Harry was calling.

“I booked us a weekend getaway,” he murmured.

Blinking at the window, she bit the inside of her lip. “Oh?”

There was a smile in his voice. “Booked us all kinds of pampering, kitten,” he said excitedly.

Oh, he was the most confusing man she had ever met.

Their dinner was eaten in silence. Right after they watched another movie without really watching because Harry was busy melting her into the couch cushions with his lips and hands. Harry started clearing his own dish and silverware before she finished eating.

It was enough. She got out of her seat, leaving the plate on the table and followed Harry to the kitchen. He kept his back to her, so she had a moment to look at his cozy frame, draped in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. It made her dizzy to be around him when he looked so cozy. It made her sad she had to bring up something that might upset them both.

But she needed to be an adult. They needed to talk. “Harry, what has been up with you? You’ve been practically suffocating for half the week, and now you’ve all but...stopped talking to me. We’ve talked about this; you have to tell me when things bother you. We can’t use the silent treatment.”

Harry hated the way she said “we”. He hated it because she meant it so kindly—they were a partnership. They would get through it together no matter what it was. Even though everything she said was all on Harry.

But she didn’t tell him what she was thinking either. That much was made clear by her conversation with Sarah. Maybe she resented Harry more than he thought. More than she let on. Maybe that was her issue. But Harry didn’t want her to have an issue. He wanted her to be her—she was perfect. Truly. But sometimes Harry thought she didn’t push back. Maybe if she did when they were younger, things would be different. They would have gotten together sooner. At best, that was joint blame. But at worst, of course, that was Harry and his unapproachable nature the entire time he knew her.

But Harry didn’t speak.

“Is this just...some... trick? So you don’t forget our anniversary? I already told you I don’t care—”

“Jesus Christ, that too,” he muttered to himself and ran a hand through his hair. Just another thing that he was bad at. Another reason she was just settling for less than she deserved. She watched his head fall lower. His shoulders slumping forward. He needed to do something about the important dates.

She sighed, feeling exasperated by his reluctance to tell her what was wrong. “Harry, I’m trying to help, but—”

“Why didn’t you defend me?” He asked. His voice cracked as he spoke.

The sound of distress in his voice made her stomach violently ache. She had never heard Harry so sad before. It was heartbreaking. “What are you talking about, Harry?” She tilted her head and the annoyance in her voice was gone. Harry was clearly upset, and that broke her.

“Sarah said y’settled,” his voice was so sullen. Sad. The poor thing. He was leaning against the sink, facing away from her. Harry was tall and fit. His shoulders were broad, and she never felt as safe walking down the street at night as she did when Harry was beside her.

Right now, he looked so small and broken. His tall frame shrank under the weight of whatever he was feeling. But she didn’t even know what he was talking about; what did he mean about Sarah? “What... when did Sarah say that?”

“When we were out with everybody,” he mumbled. “Last weekend. Y’jus’... sat there,” he couldn’t face her. Because of course Sarah was right. Harry didn’t deserve her. She was too good.

“Baby,” she whispered softly and touched his back. She felt him stiffen beneath her touch. She frowned. “I don’t know—”

She was going to make him say it. She was going to make him say the very words that plagued him since the dinner conversation he overheard. This was worse than just thinking about it all week. This was punishment for everything he had ever forgotten. Every moment of those twenty something years accumulated into this one moment of absolute anguish—and he had to say it out loud with his own words. “Sarah said y’settled for me. And... that y’shouldn’t be with me.”

There was a flurry of activity in her brain trying to place what he was talking about.

“Harry,” she tried to keep her voice quiet and soft. She didn’t want to say he was ridiculous because it was so obvious, he was upset, and she didn’t want to minimize that feeling. Harry had a lot of emotions for someone who rarely expressed how he was feeling (except for grumpy—he was good at that one). “Baby, please look at me,” she whispered.

“No,” he muttered grumpily.

She sighed. “Baby, please,” she pleaded softly wrapping her arms around his waist. “S’okay,” she promised. “We’re fine.”

“We’re not fine,” he sounded so broken. Her heart thudded in her chest. This felt bad.

“Harry,” she tried again. He tried to push her away. It felt so awful. It was like... an ending. Her heart was breaking. “Harry, stop,” the tears sprung to her eyes. “Please,” she begged but her voice made this shaky cracking sound so loud and so sharply Harry thought she broke a bone—it was the only thing that could sound so sad like that. Harry nearly forgot why he wasn’t looking at her. He spun so fast to face her. He examined her for injury quickly scanning her from head to toe.

“Kitten?” He asked. She sniffled and Harry frowned, pulling her toward him and kissing the top of her head. “S’matter, love?” He whispered. As if he hadn’t just broken her heart.

“I should have defended you,” she croaked. She should have. Even if she didn’t remember the conversation now. Harry was sad. It made her sad. This was so bad. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Harry. I don’t... Sarah was just looking out for me... I don’t know—” she hiccupped.

“Kitten, s’okay,” he murmured comfortingly, rubbing his hand up and down her back soothingly.

“You’re gonna break up with me, aren’t you?” She asked.

His mouth dropped open releasing a surprised gasp. “Baby, of course not. No,” he squeezed her tightly. “I may be an idiot, but m’not stupid,” he kissed her forehead, his lips lingering on her forehead for a long period of time.

“Why wouldn’t you look at me? You said we weren’t fine,” she continued to snivel and ruin Harry’s shirt. His cologne was so comforting it was hard to remember why she was sad. Maybe that was his plan. She would forget that they were having an adult conversation. That it would lull her gently and he could break up with her.

“Kitten,” he sighed and brought his hands to her face. “I love you with m’entire being.”

“But...” she sniffled finishing his thought.

“Y’don’t think you’re settling? Sarah was right... I was so mean t’you... and I should have worshipped—”

She sniveled more. “I don’t care about that.”

“Please stop crying, love. You’re breaking m’heart.”

“I think you want to break up,” she repeated, her voice shaking with every word.

“Angel, m’never letting y’go,” he promised. “It took me a while...but m’never gonna lose you. Not ever,” he brushed his thumbs below her eyes swiping away the tears that had fallen. “Baby,” he murmured. “I jus’... I feel like m’going t’be groveling forever and I should...but s’hard. I want t’be the best for you.”

“But you don’t need to grovel. You are the best.”

“I don’t think y’believe that...s’why y’didn’t answer Sarah,” he smirked sadly. Like he knew her own thoughts better than herself.

“Harry,” she whined. “That’s not true.”

Harry kissed her forehead. “I’ve loved you for s’long… I was too stupid t’realize it.”

“You said you weren’t breaking up with me!” The silence was deafening. The sound of her tears and sniffles were the only thing that could be heard. “Baby,” her voice cracked again.

“I think you should break up with me.” The sobs that left her at that moment were so loud. So full of anguish, it broke Harry’s heart. “Kitten,” he whispered. “S’okay.”

“I hate Sarah.”

“No, y’don’t, angel. Not at all,” he murmured. “She’s your best friend. She loves you. She wants what’s best for you.”

“You are what’s best for me.” He didn’t say anything in response. Why didn’t she just defend him last weekend? Why did Harry overhear? “You’re just gonna give up?”

“No love, of course not. Jus’ told you m’never letting you go.”

“So why are you—”

“Kitten, y’need t’know you’re a queen,” he returned his hands to her face a rubbed away the tears again and pressed a kiss to the center of her forehead. It felt like the pressure of his lips was seeping right through her skull and easing all the tension in her brain. “You deserve so much more than me.”

“I don’t want it,” she sniveled. “Please stop telling me what I need,” she whimpered. Harry didn’t speak. She tried again. “Were you mad...all week?”

“Not at you, m’love. At myself. Y’did nothing wrong. Y’jus’...brought it t’my attention. I wanted you t’defend me...but I... I didn’t really do anything worthy of defending myself,” he shrugged. After a few moments he spoke again after contemplating the week. “I guess I was pretty mad with myself,” he admitted. He wanted her to defend him. But she couldn’t. Subconsciously or not. There was no reason to defend him and his shitty performance as a person growing up in her life. Forgetting her birthday, their anniversary, or just...anything. His grand gestures didn’t matter. She was an angel in every meaning of the word. His perfect angel. It was infuriating. But she just...didn’t have it in her to tell her best friend that Harry was worth it. It made him mad. It wasn’t fair, it didn’t make sense, but it made him mad, nonetheless.

She frowned, the tears slipping over his thumbs faster than he could push them out of the way. She felt helpless. It was her fault it was like this. It was her fault that Harry wanted her to break up with him. It made her sick to her stomach. “I don’t want to. Please don’t make me,” she sniffed again. Harry had never seen anything as sad as the tears in her eyes. “You make me whole, Harry,” she cried still, and Harry felt like he was really making this worse than he wanted it to be. He just wanted her to be sure. She deserved every bit of happiness life had to offer... and part of Harry thought that might not be him.

“Hmm?” He smirked sadly. That piqued his interest though. “How’s that, baby?”

She inhaled shakily and Harry saw the tears start to settle. She swallowed trying to regulate her breathing so she could speak quietly. “When you danced with me at work,”

“Oh?” He asked.

“That was the most…romantic thing I’ve ever experienced,” she looked at him through her wet lashes. Harry thought that even when she was sad, she was the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes on. It pained him to think he was ever anything but sweet to her. That he didn’t cherish every moment with her like he wouldn’t get another.

Smiling, he wrapped his arm around her waist and cupped her hand in his again. “Yeah?” He asked, starting to sway just as he had the other day. It felt just like it did in that moment. Her heart seemed to stop and start at the exact same moment. She wished with everything in her that she had fought Harry and told him that he was an idiot back when they were younger. Not because she was mad—just that she wanted more romantic moments like this. All the pieces of her heart snapped together. Her cheek smushed against his chest listening to his heartbeat. “Like this?” He whispered.

She nodded silently. “You’re the most confusing man I’ve ever met.”

He chuckled. It was a warm, gentle feeling and made every nerve in her body feel like it was melting. “M’sorry, baby,” he kissed the top of her head.

“I don’t want anyone but you,” she whispered. “You bought me all those flowers, all the getaways, the way you get medicine for me when I don’t even know I need it. You always check to make sure I ate lunch. And when I fall asleep on the couch you always take the hair elastic off my wrist,” she reminded him. “I’m sorry. You are so worthy of being defended.”

Harry chuckled quietly, his breath getting lost in her hair and warming the top of her head. “Then s’enough for me,” he twirled her beneath his arm, wrapped her back into his embrace and dipped her to kiss her so sweetly she thought her heart would totally give out. She wasn’t sure she would ever get over the electric feeling of kissing him. She hoped she never did. “M’sorry I didn’t tell y’what I was feeling. I won’t bring it up again. If y’want me, I won’t question it.”

She pressed her face back into his shirt and clung to him like she would somehow fall out of his hold. “You never need to. I love you so much,” her voice was firm.

“Good,” he nodded. They danced quietly for a few moments in total silence. Her breathing evened out. He kissed her hair again. “In case I haven’t said it in a while and it wasn’t completely obvious...I love you so very much too, kitten.”

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autisticlancemcclain · 6 months

Text

———

“Keith Kogane, you magnanimous dumbass, would it kill you to ask me out like a man. Something like that.”

Hunk presses the pause button. He tucks his phone back into his pocket. He turns to Shiro, expectant, prepared.

“So,” he says.

Shiro stares at the space in front of him, fingertips pressed together and in front of his face.

“So.”

“Your brother is kind of an airhead.”

“He is indeed.”

“No offense to Keith. He has his smart moments. Probably.” Hunk’s mouth twitches. “Sorry. I said that to not be mean and then immediately thought of the whole Voltron cheer situation and laughed in my head. I promise I don’t actually think Keith is stupid.”

Shiro’s mouth twitches. He forces his face to remain neutral. It is a challenge.

“Keith refused to name his pet gecko as a child,” he shares. “He insisted the gecko would reveal its name when it was ready.”

Hunk bites his lip very hard. He looks deliberately away from Shiro.

“He was thirteen.”

The yellow paladin presses his hands to his eyes. He tries visibly hard to compose himself. He fails.

“…I see.”

“My fiancé often said he must have been born blond.”

“Boy, do I have news for you.”

Shiro raises his eyebrows. “More news than your recording of Lance processing his love?”

“There was an incident beforehand,” Hunk explains. “You know how Lance does those leg stretches sometimes? When we have agility training?”

Shiro inclines his head.

“Well, apparently last week he did them in front of Keith and Keith was so distracted he walked into a wall and broke his nose. He had to go into a healing pod.”

Truly, Shiro would love to say that he’s surprised. He’d love to say that his brother, known gay, was not so fixated on a cute boy that he walked into a whole ass wall hard enough to break his nose. He would love for that to be true.

But he knows his dumbass brother.

“Oh my God.”

“And he still isn’t picking up Lance’s hints.”

“Oh my God.”

Hunk nods, patting Shiro’s hand sympathetically. “We gotta do something, man. I can’t keep watching this.” He pauses. “Also, I really want to stop hearing about what Lance thinks about Keith’s Galra form. I really can’t hear any more talk about fangs in places fangs should not be placed. It’s not good for my mental health.”

Shiro sighs. Even he has heard Lance’s mutterings about Keith’s fangs, and Lance still gets all shy and star-struck around him. At this point it’s gotta be a human rights violation.

“I’ll see what I can do,” he promises.

———

He finds his brother in the training room, because of course he does, getting absolutely demolished by the training bot.

“You’re getting your ass kicked,” Shiro observes.

Keith grunts.

Shiro makes himself comfortable at the edge of the mat, sticking a straw in a juice pouch and sipping it leaisurely as he watches the twerp get pummelled. It’s amusing, in the way watching those test-dummy car crashes are amusing. Or videos of kids crying in fear of Santa Claus.

“Level failed,” echoes the pleasant voice of Space Siri, as Lance and Pidge have dubbed the disembodied robot voice of the training room. “Try again?”

“Fuck off,” Keith mutters to it.

Shiro stretches out and pokes him with his toe. Keith only half-heartedly tries to slice him about it.

“Somebody’s brooding.”

Evidentially deciding he would rather vent in Shiro’s direction than fall for Shiro’s transparent attempts to goad him into a fight, he flops down dramatically, stealing Shiro’s juice pouch and rudely sucking back the rest of it. Fucker.

“He’s so confusing,” he says, free arm flailing. “Just — all the time.”

Shiro politely refrains from asking him to clarify. He knows who he’s talking about.

“Hm,” he says instead, supportively. “How unfortunate for you.”

“Right!” He throws his hands up in the air, sending his bayard flying in one direction and the empty juice pouch in another. Shiro watches it go with great sadness. “One second it’s — Keith, you suck so bad, ugh, you’re such a weird dweeb. And the next it’s I’m hanging out with Coran and you’re not allowed to come and also I hate you.” He looks at Shiro expectantly. “He’s so!” He gestures vaguely. Shiro assumes it’s meant to mean something.

Shiro stares at him.

“See, to me there’s no dichotomy there,” he says slowly. “You said that as if it was two different sentiments. But in fact that was the same opinion expressed twice.”

“The tone was different,” Keith insists. “The dweeb thing is affectionate. He says it in a friendship way. I’m sure of it.”

“Friendship,” Shiro echoes.

“Exactly,” Keith agrees.

Shiro hums. He’s quite sure, now, that he is not going to explain to Keith in any words of his own how much of an oblivious dumbass he is. There is no sentence or string of sentences that Shiro can use to demonstrate just how obvious Lance is being, and how obtusely Keith is responding. He’s going to have to be clearer than that.

But. For his own amusement.

“Could you maybe explain how Lance shows his friendship to you? So I can better understand, of course.”

“Well, for starters, he says we’re enemies but always wants to pair up,” Keith says. “That’s friendship, right?”

“That’s certainly one way to put it, sure.”

“And the fact that we hang out so often.”

“Of course.”

“And the clothes stealing, of course. Lance says I have gross mullet germs but he’s always stealing my jackets, so that doesn’t add up.”

Shiro purses his lips. That is — whew. Poor Lance is in the trenches.

Keith pouts. “I just don’t get why he flips around it all the time, man. I mean, one second he’s all smiles and nudging my shoulders, and the next he’s bright red and stomping away. He’s so confusing!”

Shiro can take this no longer.

“Keith, I am going to show you something,” he says, digging his phone out of his pocket and pulling up the file Hunk sent him. “Okay?”

“…Okay,” Keith says hesitantly.

Shiro stares at him for a moment longer. Then he sighs, shoves the phone into Keith’s hands, and presses play.

The video starts shaky, audio muddled, and when it clears Lance is lying sprawled on Hunk’s bed, pillow strewn dramatically to the side.

“I just wish I could get it through his fool head that he is loved by me particularly in such a way that I want to hold hands and kiss and generally be nuisances of the affectionate kind. You know, romance,” he is saying.

Keith goes still next to him. With every passing word his jaw drops lower and lower.

“You could also ask him out like a man,” Hunk is explaining.

“Choke and die,” responds video-Lance, and then the audio cuts. Shiro puts his phone away.

“So?”

“I have to go immediately,” Keith says. He’s up and halfway out the door before Shiro can blink.

“Shower first!” he calls. “You just sweated it up with the training hot for God knows how long. Wash off before you do anything romcom-y.” Keith disappears around the corner. “Keith, do you hear me? Shower first! Keith!”

———

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aesterblaster · 2 months

Text

Bad Dogs Can Learn New Tricks

Which Blue Lock Characters Have Gone To Therapy, In My Humble Opinion. (+ Who Desperately Needs To But Hasn't + Who Might In The Future)

Warnings: Some spoilers for way past the U-20 Arc, also not an extensive list of characters, honestly kind of funny. I wasn't trying to be TOO serious

Songs: Falling Behind / Laufey , The Main Character / Will Wood , Nothing's New / Rio Romeo

Has Gone To Therapy And Loves Their Therapist Gang

-Anri, There is no way she is able to have that much patience and take that much shit from corporate without having a therapist. I think she uses like 1/5th of her paycheck on books about improving your life and stuff like that LMAO. Her therapist is also a woman so it helps her to have someone who understands her frustrations with not really getting credit despite being one of the founders of Blue Lock. Also sometimes she gets worried she's unethical towards the boys so that weighs on her.

-Kenyu, Look it's still in progress ok? He was just starting before he came to Blue Lock. Once he realized he was going to lose his vision he started working with a professional and found it really helpful. In fact they were the one who encouraged him to go after Blue Lock in the first place. One of the reasons he was so quick to say sorry to Isagi is because he has those #coping skills.

-Gagumaru, After having a run in with a bear in the woods he kept having nightmares and his parents made him go to therapy. Well it was kindddd of therapy..it was a hippie who's a family friend. That doesn't mean he doesn't know grounding techniques. He even taught Naruhaya how to calm down from a panic attack once. But yeah, he doesn't really tell people that he went to therapy

-Snuffy, After his best friend's death he went to therapy ASAP. The type to only call his therapist once every 5 months and still have a rock solid relationship with them. His therapist helped him break his womanizing habit and realize that he's enough all on his own. 100% did some soul searching and stepped away from the scene. He also combined the therapist with a personal trainer to really max out his healing process. 100/10 dude for it.

"I Have Gone To Therapy And It Didn't Work" Crew

-Chigiri, Similar to Kenyu, his parents thought he might need some mental health help after the trauma of thinking he'd never be an athlete again. But he was one of those cold shoulder my mom is forcing me to do this cases. He never actually worked through what he might do if this whole thing falls through. Also snarkiness 100, his therapist almost quit because he was so insulting to them. Chigiri just felt ashamed that his parents even thought he should go in the first place and convinced his sister to also beg them to stop taking him lmao.

-Isagi, Okay at some point his parents realize he takes faliure wayyy too hard and tried to get him in therapy. When he talked to the therapist though the dude was like "Yeah, he's just competitive. Nothing wrong here." Alas, he's been masking for so long that he's incapable of revealing his issues to anyone who hasn't known him for 3 years or plays sports with him. Also, he convinced himself he doesn't need it and then idly imagines just going apeshit and killing his enemies to cope with stress...like bro...

-Noa, Why do you think he gets along with Isagi? All jokes aside, his PR people probably asked him to do it and he went and then secretly never went back. It honestly didn't work because he wasn't willing to give it a chance. And still isn't!!!! Would rather backflip off of a yacht than tell someone in a lounge chair about how growing up in intense poverty still haunts him sometimes, makes him question his worth and avoid conflict in day to day life. Sometimes he wonders if one day he'll wake up and find out it was all a dream....But nah he doesn't need therapy!

-Oliver, He was soooo close to actually getting his mental health in check but then his therapist retired. After that he got another really seasoned one and saw the amount of case files in his desk and just felt like a straight up burden. One of those "other people have it worse" and "it is what it is" guys. He's very open about his emotions and feelings so he just talks to his friends when he's really struggling. (Even though Sendou never says the right things-) Like yeah it's their job but why bug these nice people when sex?? Why talk about issues in sessions when he can get drunk or go train for 4 hours??? Riddle him that?

The "I Need Therapy And I Know It" Team

-Ness, He has so many fucking issues. Honestly, despite his devout worship of Kaiser he does realize that his behavior isn't quite healthy or normal. Dude tries to show you a funny video on his phone and all of his ads are for Betterhelp. Genuinely trying to figure out a diagnosis. Yes he has looked up all sorts of personality disorders and no he doesn't think he has any of them (He has at least two). But again, Ness is self aware enough to know that some help or someone to talk to who sees him as an actual human being would be nice.

-Niko, He cannonicaly describes himself as very very introverted and nerdy, also he hides his face. Tell me you were bullied in school or at least had an extremely traumatizing incident without telling me. Kind of never had anyone, just people who hung around because of his soccer skill or avoided him like the plague. He is that guy who will rant about "society" online for hours and fantasize about moving to a different country thinking he'd get better treatment there. Cripplingly lonely and self conscious at the end of the day, in all honesty. Also he genuinely wants a therapist but just can't afford one.

-Hiori, Obviously his parents are the ones who stop him. He tries to go and his mom realizes where he's making her drive him and swerves off. Even when he gets his license, you just know they're tracking everywhere he goes. He doesn't have enough privacy to really get better like that, Hiori has to wait until he moves out. Still genuinely fucked up by the fact that Gagumaru has gotten therapy and he hasn't. Just listens to emo music and plays video games and pretends that that fixes everything. He's totally releasing a top-selling book about his horrible childhood after Blue Lock.

-Bachira, Is he outgoing and silly? Yes. Does he need better coping skills? Also yes. Men will tell you the most horrible and traumatizing childhood memories about getting jumped and then laugh it off, and it's him, Bachira is men. He ties to brush off his trauma with humor but it never really works. He knows that he genuinely needs to talk to someone other than Isagi or his mom about the Monster and how it was by his side for so long. But also never goes through with getting professional help, just thinks about it sometimes.

The "What's Therapy? Fuck You!" Group

-Kaiser, Oh god, don't even suggest it to him. I headcannon that mental illness kind of runs in his family. He's watched family members be taken away for being too out there and openly mentally ill so he has a reason to not trust doctors. Just associates therapy and things like it with abusive institutions. If he told a therapist all of his issues, he'd probably be sent to a psyche ward. Just the threat of being sent there single handedly kept him from killing himself or talking about his feelings when he was younger. He will continue to just be slightly abusive to the people around him thank you very much.

-Ego, Bro's got the government banning him from soccer and you think he's thinking of therapy? When Anri tells him he needs it offhand, he's like, revenge is my therapy. Insane as fuck but thinks that it's a good thing. He is not willing to talk about his issues to anyone, but especially not someone who will write it all down. Genuinely ruined a few relationships in his past because the main people he attracts are the "I Can Fix Him" people and it just never works. Suprisingly unself aware for how much he analyzes others.

-Barou, His main issue is just shame and failed gifted kid syndrome. But as soon as he's back up he's convinced he doesn't need help. Barou suffers from really high highs and really low lows but he also has the mental fortitude to handle it. He is a well adjusted and kind enough person outside of the soccer field so he never considers that he needs therapy. When he feels bad about himself he hits the gym but he's never really opened up to anyone and he sure isn't going to start once he gets more famous. Especially when he's seen as one of the best right now, can't risk his reputation.

-Rin, He's would rather gut himself with a sword than admit that his mental illness doesn't make him a cool loner wolf and just a lonely person who hasn't healed his inner child. Kind of just wants someone to baby him and tell him everything's going to be alright but in the mean time his barriers are up 24/7. He disdains therapy, thinks that he'd just be seen as a pay check and he kind of isn't wrong. Rin would rather pay money for expensive cleats than spend it for someone to suggest him breathing exercises. He also had a traumacore phase, but he'd rather not talk about it.

#every once in a blue moon my brain works #blue lock #bllk #blue lock headcannons #bllk headcannon #bllk anime #feel free to add on in tags #rin bllk #isagi yoichi #barou blue lock #ego jinpachi #kaiser michael #bachira bllk #hiori yo #niko ikki #ness blue lock #bluelock #chigiri blue lock #bllk fanfic

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

Note

AITA for planning to move out of my fiancee's place?

This one might be long so... sorry. Tried to sum it up the best I can. Hi, it's the anon moving in with the vegans. So my fiancee (20) and I (21) moved in with a pair of vegans, one of which has since moved out so now we only live with Sam (26).

Sam is polyamorous, and I thought I was too (although I now think I might be just aroace), and since moving in my partner has discovered that, unlike they previously thought when I was interested in someone a couple years prior, that they are also polyamorous, and have started dating Sam. I was totally okay with this, because I'm very poly-positive and wanted my fiancee to have a chance to discover themself and experience new things.

However, since moving in, they spend 90% of nights sleeping with Sam in their bed, and the other 10% in mine. I've been feeling really lonely about that, and expressed that, and they've responded that they've just been having a really hard time lately with their mental health, and that it's not personal. I'm trying to be supportive and understanding and patient, but I feel very isolated in this house.

Everyone in the house has chronic pain, although my fiance and I have more flare-ups than Sam does. But while there's a lot of leniency when they don't do chores, I'm still supposed to get all of my work done AND theirs, without my pain levels taken into account. This has led to me losing hours of sleep due to being expected to finish chores after getting home at 1am from my shift.

There's also the money problem: I am currently working two jobs to pay rent, and Sam makes triple what I do in salary. My fiancee only works one shift a week by choice, to pay for therapy, and thus doesn't pay rent. We are splitting rent equitably, so I'm not paying nearly as much as Sam, but still if I had the chance to cut back on hours at work to actually take care of myself (emotionally, pain-wise, actually having time to do my physio, etc) I would take it in a heartbeat. But I'm not dating Sam so I feel like there are a lot of double standards here.

I like Sam. They GM for our TTRPG home game and I have a great time. I sincerely don't want to lose those good times. But my mental health is at an all time low and I feel like a third wheel to my fiancee. I've known them for 6 years, we've known Sam for almost 1. I've started a tally of how often my fiancee sleeps in my bed vs in Sam's, and in the past 18 days, they've slept in my bed once. (I started the tally because I convinced myself I was making things up). That all said. I like Sam. But now I'm starting to have feelings of resentment due to... all of this whole situation.

This has led to me reminding my fiancee daily how much I miss them and how lonely I am, talking about moving out (they confirmed they would still live with Sam if I moved out), and being more vocal about my mental health struggles. I've started talking to my friends about it, so quite a few of them are in on the situation, and most people are advising me that I need to communicate more or that we just shouldn't get married.

I love them a lot and do still want to get married, but I also want to break up just because it's hurting to stay in this situation.

That got a lot away from me sorry, I'm probably missing some details, but I really want to know, am I the AH here? Should I be more sympathetic to my fiancee? Am I being unfair to Sam?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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been-around-seen-things · 7 months

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CW: discussion of suicide

I’ve been mulling over a number of thoughts after eps 1-3 about Ed’s storyline, and I want to get them down before the new episodes come out, so here goes.

I’ve seen so many folks hard hit by Ed’s suicidality, needing to mind their mental health before rewatching, and—yeah. Folks who know me as a fic writer and who have read A Bug to Remember can glean some idea of where this topic has touched me. My own lowest time was literally two decades ago, so for me it’s not so much about that.

I just keep thinking about the okayness Ed performs in ep 2, which obviously isn’t entirely convincing, but nevertheless covers up that he’s already made his decision.

Which makes me think about someone I mentored and who died by suicide in 2019. Her name was Katie. I’m going to speak her name here because talking about her and thinking about her keeps her present for me.

Katie was deeply complicated, but, well, so is Ed, obviously. Ep 2 reminded me so vividly of her performance of okayness. She was professionally successful, organized, seemed to have it all together. I know others who also loved her have had the very natural “I should have known” reaction, but I don’t necessarily feel that way. For people like me whom she saw as mentors, she very deliberately hid the cracks, the pain, the suffering. Looking back on it now, I can see how our closeness was more about how much she made me feel comfortable sharing myself, while she remained pretty thoroughly walled off.

All of this makes me think about all the lies, the terrible lies our brains tell us. I talked in sort of a jumbled way on Twitter about the stories Ed tells and tries to tell about himself. The stories we tell and believe about ourselves are so fundamental to our very existence, and Ed has so much trouble believing any positive story about himself.

We first see him trapped in the narrative of Blackbeard, in which he is a “ghost.” He imagines himself as Stede Bonnet, but that’s a violent story with an intended murderous end. Jeff the Accountant is a story that’s fun at first, but the fallout just ends up hitting him where he’s most sensitive, his deepest feelings of unworthiness.

The most believable story for him is the Kraken. Clearly he wants something else, but it feels like literally the only option.

He tries to imagine himself as Jeff the Innkeeper, but he can’t keep from being a dick to himself long enough to even fully imagine how that story could play out.

His only positive stories, of course, are with Stede: first, playfully imagining himself as a chef, someone who can do anything. That one ends happily, albeit only temporarily—the brief dream of being co-captains. And then the possibility of running off to China together—but that’s an option that means Ed leaving his whole identity behind. It’s a running away, not an integration of the stories he carries. And then losing the possibility of that story—well, we know what happens.

And so. Here we are. Ed is alive, and he needs a new story that doesn’t cause himself and everyone else around him so much suffering. Ngl I had a real hard time on my first watch with how much pain there was all around. But that’s because, as always, this show is emotionally truthful even as the events are sometimes preposterous. I’m excited to see what other story possibilities are there for Ed. What he can find himself able to believe.

#back to my brain being 99% pirates at all times #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #edward teach #blackbeard

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punkboyjack · 6 months

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The shit lie of SRS in Iran

So it's a something stuck in my brain ( and my life ) that I think people need to know about it is the thing about LGBTQ+ people in Iran especially T because I'm trans and it's little too much complicated in iran

Bing trans in Iran has some benefits in look but it's a lie

We are known as mentally ill people

We have the same problems as any other LGBTQ+ person in the world but with a higher rate

Most of the time, they give strong psychedelic drugs and hormones to trans children ( or just LGBT childrens )

And I was so paranoid about it that I wouldn't take any of the psychiatrists' pills when I was depressed (my parents don't know that I just got better somehow and no one doubt about it)

The Iranian government also monitors online transgender communities, often subjecting them to censorship, and police routinely arrest trans people

Unfortunately most Iranian parents like boys so trans woman's are badly treated almost 92% of trans women in Iran faced verbal or emotional violence and over 70% had faced physical violence

And the rate of murder and attempted suicide among trans people in Iran is high (mostly trans women).

and that really sad bcz one of the trans woman's that a used to know have Ben send to who knows where for the military training by her dad because ( HE was not man enough)

1_pre surgery is hell : we go on a all girl / all boy schools and I think it's like Catholic schools over there

And people don't respect us we mostly have problem finding friends we don't have the From the social point of view, it is almost impossible to identify ourselves as transgender because the government has strictly separated men and women. I didn't really know what my problem was until I was 13 years old

Worst and most important part is telling our parents that we are trans and they should support us because all the work of the license is done with the consent of the family ( I'm so lucky about my parents by the way so good for me but holy fuck who made that rule in the first place)

2_ the surgery is chipper here (it's a lie ) -> we spent Soo much money and time ( and mental health) on permission to do surgery and people who do this surgeries are not even have expertise in this work And they have long-term side effects that are not good at all

first submitted to a long and invasive process

including virginity tests ( idk whyyy)

formal parental approval ( I told you)

, psychological ( it's just the worst part you can't imagine how terrible this psychologists are ),

inspection by the Family Court ( like a god damn criminal )

If we don do the SRS we are basically nothing to them and Thay don't give a fuck about us unless we did something wrong or something and then we are basically dead as hell

Like let's say you are a heterosexual trans men who don't want to do a surgery and you have girlfriend who loves you and respect's you

Will no you don't you are just a lesbian to them and will if they found out what's between your legs you and your gf are going to be executed I'm not joking

3_After surgery, is hard as hell : discrimination, from the law, the state, and from the people around us

Given the lowest quality of hormone therapy, we usually do not have reliable sources for it . Surgery under the hands of non-specialists causes dangerous side effects, and if we are imprisoned, we will no longer get hormones

And not so fun fact : Most of the gay people in Iran are recognized as transgender and they have to tell us about the process because otherwise they will be executed. For the government, changing their gender of poor gay people shows a better face than killing them

And yeah rest of your gay life you are just unfortunate person stuck in a person of your own body

Bruh I read it all over and I'm not even close to the realty it's too much

#free iran #iran #trans #trans boy #transgender #trans girl #transmasc #trans man #LGBT #LGBTQ #queer #trans woman #trans pride #gay

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miguelswifey04 · 10 months

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Hiiii can I please request a an established relationship Miguel x reader where reader stress smokes and Miguel doesn’t know and reader hides the fact that they smoke cigs from the stress (reader is a scientist in the fic for spider society!!) and one day Miguel find out and he’s disappointed and pissed 😮😮 also it could ends in fluff or smut it’s all up to you😸🫶🏻

YES! this will end more in fluff but i could always make a version that ends in smut so let me know 💆🏽‍♀️!!

it was a starry night you had went up to sit on the rooftop of your apartment building to relax as per usual. you always had a little smoke sesh after a long strenuous day at the spider society in the labs running experiments all day long with miguel. whatever your boyfriend needed you did it and he expected nothing less from you and so it was the only way you could unwind to relax. to be by yourself. you became one with nature as you looked up at the stars shimmering in the night’s sky. you loved stargazing at night on the rooftop and being by yourself whether it was to smoke weed or light up a cig. you usually like to smoke weed since it was the “healthier” option but today you were just in the mood to smoke a cigarette. deep down you kind of regretted keeping this fact from miguel that you smoked. ironically enough you were a scientist obviously being well versed in biology, biochemistry, and the medical field but to be honest you were just a human being. you did not care if smoking would harm you or not as this was your outlet of becoming undone. smoking and going to a secluded area was your little getaway from it all.

unbeknownst to you, you did not hear the footsteps of you boyfriend miguel treaded quietly behind you. your back was facing him as you puffed out an air of smoke from your mouth while holding your knees to your chest and running a hand through you air. you felt him grip your rest and knock the cig out of your hold and that startled you. you were about to scream until you turned to face him. he was fuming to say the least. from all this time that he had known you--you hid the fact that you smoked from him. “what are you even smoking??” he said in disbelief as his grip on your wrist did not waver at all. miguel was big on health and you well-being. to say you smoke behind his back left him perplexed in a turmoil of emotions. you knew smoking was bad for your lungs but you pushed that fact deep in the crevices of your mind.

“look miguel—“ he had pulled you up to your feet as you know faced him completely. “why? you know smoking is bad for your health!!” his eyes squinted at you in anger and in disbelief, his red eyes were now glowing under the night sky. you felt ashamed because you were going to keep this away from him and you did not intend for him to find out about your smoking habits. “because it helps me relax!” you spatted out as you pulled your wrist away from him, “i am sorry but this is my only way of relieving stress..” he scoffed hearing you spew out those words. he shook his head taking offense as to what you said as his nostrils flared. “your only way to relax?? you are an adult you should be able to find better and healthier ways to relax.” Miguel’s voice boomed in authority while he looked into your eyes the way you shifted under his gaze. he knew you felt ashamed and hurt at the same time but how would anyone feel if they found out their partner had unhealthy coping mechanisms. he wanted you to be healthy. you were the only person he had left. you now realized why he acted the way he did. you can’t blame a man who is always so hard on himself and trying to keep everyone safe. you sighed as you hung your head low mustering up the right words to tell him. “miguel, I’m truly sorry i kept this away from you. i hope you understand how stressed i`ve been feeling lately.” your eyes were a bit glossy as you wanted to cry but you held back the tears from spilling. everyone and everything has been so hard on you as you and miguel were trying to fix the mess the spot had made. miguel admired your sincerity as he had calmed down a bit. he broke the distance between you as he embraced you in his arms. his arms held a protective hold on your body as he kissed into your hair and rubbing circles on your back.

“promise me you will quit. i`m sorry for raising my voice at you. i love you so much and i don’t want anything bad happening to you.” he said softly into your hair. he had felt you nod against him as you took his words to heart. “of course, and ill promise to find better ways to manage my stress. i love you more, miguel.” he slightly parted away from you as he hooked his fingers under your chin brinigng your face against his. his eyes had now returned to the dark pools of honey the ones that you have fallen in love with as he gently brushed his lips against yours. you felt so loved and happy that miguel was very understanding despite the fact he can be strict as he usually ruled with an iron hand. but for you, he was soft and kind. he let himself be vulnerable around him as he wanted you to feel the same. he dropped all his walls just for you letting him get to know his good side.

#spiderman atsv #miguel o'hara #spider man: across the spider verse #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel spiderman #spider person #spidersona #atsv x reader #miguel o’hara x y/n #ao3 works #smoker reader #scientist reader #atsv miguel #miguel spiderverse #miguel x you #🌱 lin writes

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one-idea · 5 months

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I’ve been thinking about my Zoro Arc and I need to work out the villain. I know one is going to be a devil fruit user that is attacking Zoro’s old dojo/village. (The secondary villain is Koushiro Zoro’s old Sensei but I’m still deciding if he is an antagonist or a straight villain)

Part 1

Part 2

I want it to feel like a real arc with an enemy that is a threat. So I know I want the devil fruit user to have a zoan fruit. More specifically a mythical Zoan fruit. And I know I want them to be almost impossible to cut.

So where do you go when you need a monster? DnD monster manual of course! And I have some ideas.

We got two camps of thought humanoid monster and monster monsters

We will start off with the humanoids

First we have the death knight

This ideas actually wouldn’t be a zoan but would have a fruit like Brook that keeps him alive. Maybe he’s an old member of the shimotsuki family and is angry with Koushiro’s actions (his desire to hand of the soon to Zoro, someone out side of the family/giving Zoro the sword, and maybe the murder of Kuina👀 I’m really starting to lean into the idea that Koushiro killed his daughter)

This would mean that not only does Koushiro want to take Wado Ichimonji from Zoro but so does the creature he came to fight.

With an armor class of 20 and hit points of 180 it makes the. Near impossible to hit and hard to whittle down their health. It would be a long fight

The second camp is monster monster

First you have a Behir

They are creatures that are a mix between centipedes and crocodiles that can breath lighting.

I really like them because it means Luffy has an advantage against their lightning breath like he did in Skypia. But they are also known to physically coil around their victims like a python and consume them whole so he’s not completely safe.

Its armor class is 17 and hit points 168. A hard beast to fight but not impossible.

Second is the Bulette

They are known as land sharks and are massive predators that live to feed. They are tunnelers digging underground and popping back up.

With an armor class of 17 and hit points of 94 they are hard to hit but easy to take down if you can get some hard hits in.

And finally you have the Tarrasque

Tarrasques are crazy with armor class of 25 and a hit point of 676. Almost nothing can hit them and even if you did you would barely damage them.

Like I almost don’t want to uses it because of how broken it is. The thing is 50 feet tall and is known for its legendary destruction. Like it might actually be to hard to fight.

What do you guys think. I really like the Behir or a Death Knight.

I want the crew to have to fight while Zoro is also going through it emotionally. His job is to protect the crew. But the crew is here because of him. Fighting one of the craziest things they’ve seen. It’s not going down no matter what they do. The crew is getting hurt.

And the person who called him here is acting like Zoro, and more importantly Zoro’s crew aren’t worth dirt because they are pirates. Normally Zoro wouldn’t care, but they came here because Zoro was honoring his teacher and his friends memory, and now Luffy and the others are in danger.

(Top this off with the realization of how Kuina died, and the person Koushiro actually is and it will be fantastic) (like I said I’m really starting to lean into “twist villain” Koushiro.

#shimotsuki koushiro #wado ichimonji #monkey d. luffy #one piece #roronoa zoro #straw hat pirates #koushiro villain au #zolu #one piece zolu #luzo

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toomanyplotbunnies-sendhelp · 3 months

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Hello and welcome to Day 5 of "Let's Explore My Plot Bunnies"

Do you know that moment when you hear an opening from a childhood TV show that you were obsessed with before and your brain is like, "But what if you combine this with this and make it into a fanfic idea?". Cause this is how my brain came up with a Mo Dao Zu Shi Pokemon AU. (The Diamond and Pearl Openings are still my jam to this day)

The AU is not fully detailed in my head (yet), but I came up with two versions for it, so I will just write down some details I already have for both versions:

Ver.1

Edit: As of February 6th, this has a title : "Some roads are not meant to be traveled alone"

Wei Wuxian is a new Pokemon Trainer that just started his journey with his partner Vulpix (Kantonian)

Lan Wangji is a more seasoned Pokemon Trainer (he has been on a journey for at least 2 years) and has an Alolan Vulpix as a partner.

The two meet in Kalos, more specifically in Lumiouse City. WWX wanted to see if he could start challenging the Gyms right away, and his Vulpix got a bit too excited and ran off and got lost.

Lan Wangji is in Lumiouse City for a vacation rather than to start a new journey. His Vulpix is the one that finds WWX's Vulpix. Seeing that the Kantonian Vulpix is very young, LWJ feels anger towards the trainer who let the young fox unattended.

When WWX finds them, LWJ is ready to berate him for being irresponsible, but WWX's "Please never run off again like that Vulpix. I was so scared." stops him in his tracks.

WWX turns to thank LWJ for finding his Vulpix and apologizes for the troubles. LWJ, instead of just accepting the apology, tells WWX he shouldn't be so careless, especially when his Vulpix is so young. (LWJ is kicking himself for saying that) WWX takes offense because he wasn't being careless, nor was he abusive towards his partner.

And so their first meeting is kind of a disaster. That, however, doesn't stop them from constantly meeting around Lumiouse for the next week and then the universe (aka me) decides they should journey around Kalos together. (We all know how the relationship will progress)

Ver.2:

Edit: As of February 6th, this fic has a title:

"Life is a journey you must walk to behold"

In this version, WWX is from Hoenn (Hoenn has a lot of water = Lotus Pier). He and Jiang Cheng have been journeying through other regions (started in Hoenn, went to Kanto and Unova) but this year they want to have an individual journey for themselves.

Jiang Cheng wants to go to Johto, while WWX is going to Sinnoh.

I am on my "Give Jiang Cheng a Shinx" Agenda because just imagine him having a Shinx that is as much of a trouble maker as WWX. (Jiang Cheng's sanity is in danger)

WWX has an Absol as his partner. (The similarities between Absol's lore and WWX's personality make me believe that this is a good pair.) Also, Absol is definitely the one that is more serious and responsible between the two.

Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen are from Johto and their family is well known for being Coordinators.

Lan Wangji has an Eevee that evolved into Glaceon as a partner and has participated in a lot of Pokemon Contests in Johto and Kanto.

Lan Xichen has a Lapras as a partner and is not as interested in Pokemon Contests. He does, however, like to nurse Pokemon back to health and thinks about becoming a Pokemon Doctor.

LWJ wants to go and journey around Sinnoh and learn more about Pokemon Battles (the Lan family doesn't like how trainers that challenge Gyms push their Pokemon so hard, and they are more against Pokemon Battles. In their words, "Contests are a more refined art. Pokemon Battles are barbaric and violent.") LWJ doesn't want to jump to conclusions on that topic, while LXC believes both can be just as good, but it depends if the Trainer is a good person or not.

LWJ, once in Sinnoh, wants to experience a Gym Challenge for himself, so he decides to go to Oreburgh City and challenge Roark, the Gym Leader.

He ends up watching a battle between Roark and WWX instead and falls at first sight for WWX and for his passion for Pokemon Battles. WWX is also very kind to his pokemon, so inner LWJ aproves even more of his choice in love interests.

WWX and LWJ end up traveling through Sinnoh together. (Team Galactic is the main villain that they seem to find/fight against all throughout the journey too)

On the other hand, LXC meets Jiang Cheng and decide to travel together through Jotho, with LXC using this journey to further his knowledge as a Pokemon Doctor and to learn more about Jiang Cheng, who, although says harsh things all the time, is a kind person.

LXC and Jiang Chen end up dealing with Team Rocket during their journey.

There you have it.

This is about everything that I have about this AU. Honestly, I think this one will probably continue to grow in the back of my mind for a while longer before I come up with a title for it and, possibly, even scenes (be it Battles or Contest Performances).

So, what do you think? Good? Bad? Let me know!

I might post some more things later today, but for the moment, I am gonna wish you guys a good morning/day/night.

Till next time,

- TooManyPlotBunnies-Send Help

#fanfic ideas #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #wei ying #lan wangji #lan zhan #lan xichen #jiang cheng #pokemon au #wangxian #pokemon trainer wwx #absol is probably the best pokemon partner for wwx; i will die on this hill #did you know Absol and Glaceon can breed? cause I didn’t till today #pokemon contest #pokemon trainer #pokemon coordinator #pokemon doctor #someone save me from my own brain rot

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anonymouspumpking · 5 months

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Completing your dream

Hello guys, this is a long Trafalgar Law fic, I hope you liked it. Pls bear with me because it is the first fanfic I have written and english is not my first language, enjoy it. :)

Summary: You are a girl looking to fulfill her dream, which is to become the best doctor the world has ever seen, but to achieve this she has become an apprentice to one of the most renowned pirates of the worst generation.

Part one:

My dream is to become a great surgeon and doctor. I find medicine to be something magical; Being able to discover the cause of an illness with the symptoms given by the patient, formulating a medicine that acts effectively and safely to treat the disease, performing procedures on a living being to heal it… is simply incredible. Since I was convinced that I wanted to be a surgeon, I decided to travel the world, and learn from the best doctors I could find. That's howI found out about him…

Six months ago:

I was an intern in a hospital at Alabasta. I had been studying under Dr. Drake tuition for about a year and was very happy with the progress he had helped me achieve. I was doing a basic vendage on one of the patients that was in the hospital, when I noticed the doctor approach me.

The doctor looked at the bandage I had made, thought for a minute and then spoke: “I congratulated you very much on all the progress you have made y/n, I have to admit that you have been from great help since you arrived at the hospital” the doctor said with a proud air. “When you are done with the patient, I would like you to report to my office please.”

After checking that everything was appropriate with the patient, I putted away the medical equipment I used and headed towards the doctor's office.

“Did you need me, doctor?” I asked him, sticking my head out the door.

“Ah y/n, yes, I wanted to talk to you. Please take a seat,” he said, pointing to the chair in front of his desk with his hand.

"Is everything alright?"

“Yes y/n, in fact, I wanted to talk to you about your dream. I know you want to become a successful health care worker and gain as much knowledge as possible, but I'm afraid I can't teach you any more than you already know.” The doctor looked at me with a thoughtful air and continued… “You see, I don't know how legal it is for me to suggest this to you, but I have heard about a pirate known for his medical skills and knowledge.”

“Doctor, I don't really understand what you are suggesting to me” I responded with a confused face.

"The pirate, also known as the surgeon of death, is a person with extensive knowledge in medicine and surgery. I suggest that, if you don't mind becoming a pirate, look for him and ask him to be your tutor, at least for a while. It is said that he has a devil fruit under his power that allows him to manipulate the body in unimaginable ways, I think it would be very fruitful for him to learn from it.”

I looked at the doctor thoughtfully. Learning from this pirate would definitely help me become a better doctor, but how much will it be worth risking my life for my dream? After a few minutes in silence, I dared to speak.

“And do you know where I could find it?”

The doctor smiled triumphantly. “I decided to tell you this information because it was seen not long ago on Drum Island. By now it should be one or two islands ahead of ours.”

“I see, so if I want to reach him soon I must leave in a short time, right?” The doctor nodded his head and added: “I hope you manage to fulfill your dream y/n, you are a very determined and dedicated young woman. I am sure that, if you work hard, you will become one of the best doctors in the world.”

I gave the doctor an honest smile as I shook his hand in gratitude. “Thank you very much for your time and dedication doctor, I learned a lot under your tutelage.”

Currently:

I know I've been looking for the surgeon of death for a while, but unfortunately, I lost track of him a few months ago. Fortunately I was able to gather more information about him and his crew and was finally able to give this island “Rusokaina”. I heard that the heart pirate crew was going to stay there for a few days to gather some resources and medicinal plants. I had been walking around the island for a few hours when I heard voices in the distance.

“We leave in 5 minutes, make sure you don't leave anything.”

"Yes captain!".

“I'll be in my study in case you need anything, Bepo, take care of the medicinal plants we found! “Sachi and Penguin, don’t forget to carry the fruits and food we got!”

I approached silently so I could get a good look at the situation. There were people carrying many boxes and things onto a yellow boat (if it could be considered one) with a Jolly Roger with a smile. When I was going to get close,r I noticed a presence behind me, and when I turned my sight I saw… A polar bear?

“What are you doing and who are you?” The polar bear asked curiously.

“! AHHHHHH, THE POLAR BEAR TALKS!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as I felt my heart skip a beat.

The polar bear screamed in fear when I started screaming. "Captain! Captain! There is a strange girl spying on us, screaming!”

I hadn't finished recovering from the shock when I heard “Room”, and “Shambles”. At that moment a tall man with black hair appeared in front of me and threatened me with his katana.

“Who are you, what are you doing here and why are you spying on us?” the man asked defiantly without moving the katana from my sight.

I stood up carefully and my instinct was to raise my hands to show that I had no weapons with me, I took a deep breath and spoke. “I'm y/n, I'm looking for the captain of the heart pirates, which I assume is you…” I said scared.

“That depends, who are you and why are you looking for him?” The man did not take his eyes off me at any time and he did not lower his guard either.

“I want to talk to your captain, I want to make a deal and negotiate with him.” I responded as calmly as I could.

“Speak,” the man said coldly.

"I'm just a simple medical student, I heard that you are one of the best doctors in the world and I would like you to be my tutor for a while."

The pirate looked at me coldly. “I'm not anyone's babysitter, and being a pirate is not child's play, it's dangerous. Go back to your house brat. “If everything I mentioned before was not enough, what do I gain from that negotiation? Besides having to take care of a girl.”

I started to turn red from anger, who does this person think he is? I took a breath to calm my spirits and finally spoke.

“I know that being a pirate is not child's play, I have had time to think about it carefully. “I have been following your trail for approximately six months to ask you to teach me more about medicine.” “And to answer your question about what would win, well, I will be part of your crew this entire time, there will be no exceptions and I will also do heavy work. If you fight, then you won't have to worry about me, as I know how to fight, and you won't have to “be my babysitter,” as you say.”

The man saw me thoughtfully and finally lowered his katana. “You will be on probation for a month, if you prove to be a nuisance I will throw you on the next island we see.”

“Deal,” I said cheerfully as I shook the pirate's hand.

The pirate looked at me surprised and shook my hand to finally introduce himself. “Trafalgar D. Law, Captain and doctor of the heart pirates.” “Y/n, nice to meet you.”

“Bepo!” Law shouted, “Make sure you introduce her to the entire crew and make sure she knows the Polar Tang properly,” he said as he walked away towards the ship.

“Yes, captain,” the polar bear responded smilingly. “Nice to meet you Y/n, I'm Bepo, the navigator from the heart pirates,” he told me, smiling from ear to ear.

“Ehh… hello, sorry for the question and for scaring me earlier, but what are you?

“I'm a mink,” he said proudly.

“Bepo, stop talking and get on the boat,” Law shouted from the other side of the boat.

Bepo looked at me and asked me to follow him. After a few minutes, the ship finally set sail. “Sorry for the captain's attitude,” the mink said sadly, “But despite seeming like a cold and unfeeling man, the captain is really kind. Come, I'll introduce you to everyone."

I followed Bepo towards what seemed to be a dining room where all the crew were. “Hello everyone, this is our new crew member, her name is y/n,” Bepo introduced me. “Hello, nice to meet you,” I said with my best smile, trying not to die of embarrassment.

“Hello, I am Saichi”, “I am Penguin”, “Jean Bart”, “My name is Ikkaku, a pleasure”, “I am Uni”, “Clion” “I am Hakugan”.

I took a seat next to Ikkaku and the others began to ask me questions. “How old are you?”, “Why did you join the crew?”…

“I'm 21 years old and I joined because…” I was saying before someone interrupted me.

“If you're done wasting your time, I need you in my study y/n,” Law said seriously standing at the door that led to the dining room.

“He's already angry,” Sachi said mockingly. “It's the captain being the captain, what can we do,” Penguin replied, laughing.

“You two shut up and get to work!” Law yelled from the door.

I got up, said goodbye to everyone and followed the furious Law towards his study. Once inside, Law sat at his desk, which was filled with papers and maps.

“You can sit here,” he pointed to a chair in front of the desk. I nodded and sat calmly in front of him. “I want to know more about my new crew member, so I'll ask you some questions.” “I also want to know how much medical knowledge you have.”

I nodded and gave him a smile. "Alright"

"How old are you?"

"twenty-one"

"Why are you here?"

“Because I want to learn everything I can about medicine from you,” I responded with a shy smile.

"Where you come from?"

“From the south blue”

After two hours of interrogation and a brief medical exam, Law finally let me rest.

“Well y/n, I think that's it,” a triumphant smile formed, “I don't notice anything suspicious about you and you have a lot of prior medical knowledge. "I think you will be very useful to me in procedures and medical operations."

“Thank you Law,” I responded, smiling but tired.

“You seem tired, so I'll guide you to your room.”

I nodded and followed Law to what would be my new room.

"Rest for today, tomorrow I will explain to you your duties and tasks within the crew and the schedule in which you will be with me so that I can teach me more about the medical world," the captain said calmly.

“Thank you very much Law, and good night.”

“Good night y/n”

I lay down and fainted on the bed. I was very tired, today had been a very long day and the next would be too. Before I knew it, I was already fast asleep.

#one piece #trafalgar law #trafalgar d law x reader #trafalgar one piece #trafalgar d law x you #trafalgar law x y/n #long fic #trafalgar law x you #trafalgardwaterlaw

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