#it certainly feels like you dont want my friendship anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

daegall · 2 years

Text

Tell me everything.

↳ Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything, but Donghyuck isn't all that sure if he can tell you about his feelings. (He obviously also doesn't know that you have a big fat crush on him too)

pairing: best friend!hyuck x reader

genre: fluff, crack, slight angst, best friends to lovers!AU

warnings: um parties, mentions of alcohol, reader and hyuck are so fucking oblivious, bro idk i dont rmember writing this fic im so sorry

word count: 8.8k words

a/n: oh my fucking god the rollercoaster this fic has been to me. i swear to god i have never ever been so blocked EVER im sos ososososoooo sorry this is SO overdue man i feel so guilty and at the same time i feel so disappointed in this fic but its ok ^^ i'll just grow out of it in the future and look back and laugh (with tears </3)

anw BIG HUGE thank you to the godess of editing herself, @jenotapes ! thank you so so sooo much aisha for the beautiful header, i cannot express how much i love it and how thankful i am, it's so gorgeous it's liek theonly good thing about this whole thing HAHA

The first real friend you've ever had, you have to say, is your mother, but really that's another situation.

Other than her, you'd have to say it would be Hung Renjun, someone you've known since middle school. You were inseparable during middle school, and sure you had a few crushes on him, but it's a lot different now.

You grew apart, but it doesn't seem like any of you minded it that much.

Your best friend after that, would be Lee Donghyuck. Someone you met through Renjun.

It was during Renjun's cousin's wedding where you met him. (You were only invited because this certain cousin used to be like a sister to you when you were younger. You like to remember all the tea parties you had together.)

But man, would you like to thank, and scold, both Renjun and his cousin for inviting you. Because of them, you found Donghyuck.

It was quite a unique way to find your best friend.

"You've got some moves!"

You turn around at the unexpected, and unfamiliar voice, alarmed at a (very cute) stranger with a light smile on his lips. Your lips go from a gape of surprise, to a bright smile that slips a laugh, "Thank you!"

"Do you have a phone number too?"

Yes, he had tried asking you out. Not only did you end up giving up your number, but you did go hang out a while after that.

You most certainly did (and still do) have the biggest crush on him, finding him so very charming and cute and, well, your type.

But for some apparent reason, he never asked if you wanted to actually date. You're not sure if he forgot, or he thinks you weren't interested or something, but he just didn't. You suspect he didn't have any more interest anymore. Not that you minded, (now. You minded a lot back then.) but it's getting a lot harder to keep in with every day that you get closer to Donghyuck.

It's gotten to the point where you don't even want to think of him, fearing that it would show and your whole friendship would be ruined.

Instead, you bake, as you always did when you had something particular on your mind.

Chocolate chip cookies, you had decided about 20 minutes ago, the soft and chewy ones that Donghyuck like—

"Holy shit," you whisper to yourself, voice hushed with realization. "did I just make Lee Donghyuck's favorite fucking snack without realizing?!"

Yeah, your crush on him has gotten a lot worse. You suspect this happened when he took you out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner when he noticed your dull state last week. He even paid for all the food!

You decide to let all your thoughts go as you close the oven with your fist batch of cookies, the rustiness of the screws more than enough to distract you. Gosh, nobody in your dorm building takes care of the poor thing. You remember when Yoo Jimin and Kim Minjeong attempted to roast a whole turkey but it came out way undercooked because the oven broke down within 30 minutes.

Just as you thought your mind was Lee Donghyuck-free, the door to the kitchen opens, and in comes all your thoughts once again, as your best friend enters.

"Hey there," he greets.

"Hi,"

"What are you doing?"

You shrug, turning around as you continue mixing the cookie dough. "I don't know, what does it seem like I'm doing?"

A chuckle slips from Donghyuck's lips as he approaches you, choosing to take a seat on the counter, next to the cooling rack. "Cookies?"

You only him in approval, placing the bowl back down on the counter.

To Donghyuck, your baking is one of the best he knows. First, would be his mother, of course, but you’re close to beating her, especially with the cake you baked for Renjun’s birthday a few months ago. He particularly likes your baking when you two are awake at midnight, and instead of using the oven, you choose to use the microwave, to make simple 2 minute microwave cookies or brownies. They’re the best for midnight snacks to have while writing an essay, or having an existential crisis together.

A moment later, Donghyuck finds you rummaging through the many drawers to find something. Once you finally find it, you go straight back to the dough, before you stick the object in, and scoop it back out.

In front of Donghyuck, is a teaspoon, scooped with your cookie dough. He mumbles a few words of gratitude, before taking the spoon from you and shoving it in his mouth.

While Jaemin and Jeno are your favorite taste testers, (due to their immaculate opinions of how much salt and/or sugar you put into your recipes) Donghyuck always somehow finds his way to become number one. Maybe it’s because you like to hear the compliments from him. (or your big fat crush on him. Both, most likely.)

"Oh, yum! This is really good," Donghyuck smacks his lips, savouring each second of the taste melting on his tongue, and gets a small sense of... nostalgia.

"Hey, did you put some—"

"—cinnamon? Yes I did, I remember you telling me how your mom would do it, so I decided to try it myself too. Good to know you like it,"

It was a simple mention during a debate of if cupcakes or cookies were better, but the very random fact stuck to the back of your mind whenever you thought of baking. You’ve been meaning to make some, but never had the time to until now. (Though, you do have a few assignments begging to be finished as you bake.)

While Donghyuck is so very thankful, and delighted, he's a tiny bit worried. He knows you only bake when you have a mind full of things you don't want it to be filled with. This happened when you flunked that one assignment and you baked a whole birthday cake to get your mind off it.

"Are you okay?"

You're surprised at Donghyuck's words, instantly halting your actions to turn to him with shock written in every part of your face. "Huh?"

"I mean," Donghyuck passes you the spoon back, wiping your hand when he sees its got some flour stuck to it, "you're baking. Cookies. A lot of them. You only bake when you're thinking a lot, what's up? I'm your best friend, tell me everything!"

And that is exactly what you've been thinking about. How attentive he is, how caring and kind he is. Gosh he almost makes you go crazy just by doing things like this to you, you might just tell him what's wrong to have him stop completely.

"Nothing," you breathe out, going back to check on the cookies in the oven, "just bored, I guess."

Donghyuck doesn't buy a single bit of it, and you know he doesn't. So instead, you decide to lie a little, hoping he wouldn't catch it.

"I was so busy yesterday, I guess I just wanted to relax. Decided to make some cookies for you."

At this, Donghyuck can't help but chuckle. Cookies? For him? "Just for me?"

Oh shit, did you say that? Silently, you panic, unconsciously shifting away from Donghyuck to hide your growing nose scrunch of embarrassment. "Uhh, f-for us...?" You hope he lets it go, you hope with your entire soul that he lets it go and accepts your stupid and poorly made excused for once.

Alas, he is Lee Donghyuck, your best friend who will never let you live down a single thing if you make a mistake. (You always question why you even like him.) There was a time you accidentally switched the names of two of your upperclassmen. The most embarrassing 2 weeks of your life when he would remind you every other day.

Donghyuck's head throws back with laughter, gripping the edge of the counter for balance. He's always looked so cute while laughing, and you don't miss the way your heart stutters. And neither does Donghyuck. His own heart feels like it's soaring, jumping all around his body, swirling and spinning all because of you. "Oh my god, you're so cute!"

Oh my god, he's driving you crazy.

To shut him up, you grab a cookie from the cooling rack, before shoving it in his mouth, flicking at his forehead. "Shut up or these cookies are going to Chenle."

Donghyuck nods, though laughing and chewing, winking and blowing a kiss at you. Once again, he feels his heart somersault when you reach over to wipe the few crumbs at the corner of his lips.

ii.

Lee Donghyuck never liked business management. Sure, it’s where he realized that the person he hit on at Renjun’s cousin’s party sat 2 rows in front of him, and yeah, Professor Lee is his favorite teacher, and sure, he sometimes likes the lessons–okay, maybe he just hates it today.

Or maybe today is complete shit to him. Yes, he hates today. None of your nagging during breakfast, or even lunch, due to your sudden cold you got overnight. He’s had to go through classes without you, only get one cup of coffee, and he didn’t even get one text from you. What’s up with that?

He feels completely relieved to be going back to his beloved room, expecting to do nothing but sleep for the rest of the day, and maybe watch some of his favorite reality shows. He just… he really needs to rest.

You know what he would kill for right now? Your cookies. The ones you made the other day for him, the ones you added cinnamon to and made him feel all warm inside. In his opinion, those are the best cookies he’s ever eaten. But he won’t tell his mom.

Yeah, one of those would not be bad for this shitty, shitty day. Or maybe you yourself, there to accompany him and cheer him up, but you’ve got a sickness, and need to rest. Him feeling down in the dumps is a lot less important than your health.

But apparently, that’s not exactly your own priorities.

Donghyuck doesn’t expect to see you here, when he swings open his dorm door, but there you are, with a mask on and a duster in hand. You seem to be cleaning out the bookshelf by the window, the one Donghyuck installed with you just for the aesthetics.

Why are you dusting it? Heck, why are you even here?!

“Y/n? What the fuck are you doing here? You need to rest right this second!”

You were just about to say something, to explain why you’re in his room in the first place, but your best friend beats you to it, rushing up to you, before he grabs gently at your arms. You drop the duster in your hand at this, gaping at the way Donghyuck tugs you to his bed.

It’s like every time you’re about to say something, anything, Donghyuck interrupts you with an action, pressing his hand to your forehead. “God, you’re still burning up. Have you taken your meds yet?”

FInally, you’re able to speak, as Donghyuck shuts up to hear you. Instead of words, a light laugh slips through your lips, as you shake your head in disbelief. “No, yeah, I took them right before coming here.” Donghyuck doesn’t say anything, but you can already practically feel the curiosity radiating off him, the frustration he’s about to spew out into words.

“I came here to clean your room,” You say, brushing Donghyuck’s hands off your arms, only to take them in yours softly. Instantly, his thumbs run over your knuckles carefully. You can’t deny the way your heart swirls with love. “since my dusty ass room is what gave me my morning cold.” Suddenly, you grow a bit conscious of how ridiculous you might seem to him, getting up to clean up your best friend’s room.

“Didn’t want you to get one, or something.” You can’t look Donghyuck in the eye, afraid that it would be the last thing to set you off into a hot, shy mess.

But unbeknownst to you, Donghyuck looks at you so gently, so lovingly and softly. He’s so very thankful for you, in so many ways. Just being in your presence has him instantly calming down, and forgetting about every single bad thing he’s had come across him today. Just the thought of you caring so much for him has him forgiving every single thing that’s ever hurt him in his life.

As if looking Donghyuck in the eye wasn’t enough to make you go crazy, Donghyuck’s hands suddenly slide up your arms, his fingertips brushing against your skin, before he wraps his arms around your shoulders, securing you tightly to him.

You feel, and practically memorize every time Donghyuck’s skin comes in contact with yours, touching, brushing, leaving trails of goosebumps. The best kind.

You feel so many things when Donghyuck hugs you. You feel shocked, and surprised, and at the same time so flustered. But those aren’t the strangers feelings in you. Others being worry, and dread.

This hug isn’t the typical ones that Donghyuck usually gives you. It’s tighter, tenser, he’s not giggling, and neither are you. Another thing that makes you feel awfully concerned about this hug, is the fact that Donghyuck has stuffed his head in your neck, and is breathing awfully heavily. It takes you one moment, then two, before you feel the tears and hear the sobs.

Instantly, your arms wrap around him instantly, tucking him closer to you, before you feel tears spring to your eyes as well. You don’t say anything, despite having so many questions, and Donghyuck is so very thankful for that. Sometimes asking for a reason and wanting to understand someone fully isn’t the best, in his opinion, but you don’t even have to ask to understand him. You’ve never had to. Just with an expression on his face, you can tell instantly what he’s feeling.

“One day without me and you’re already struggling, what would you do without me?”

Oh, how Donghyuck feels so safe around you. He pulls away from your shoulder, slightly grimacing at the sight of a damp spt, before a laugh chokes through his sniffling. “Nothing, so you better stick to me for the rest of our lives, alright?”

You do nothing but nod, and chuckle, before you start to wipe away Donghyuck’s tears with the sleeves of your sweater. Not the best choice for wiping someone’s eyes, but that doesn’t really matter right now. Donghyuck needs you, and you’ll be there for him.

“You wanna talk about it?” You mumble softly, brushing his hair from his face. Your best friend finds his heart swelling and thumping erratically with so much love at the look on your face. He’s always liked it when you take care of him. You don’t judge him, not at all. His needs are what you focus on, and it feels good to finally be loved for once.

“Can I?” He whispers in reply, falling into the warmth of your hands. His own grip at your wrists, holding them up to his face.

You smile, and it tells him everything. You’re not going anywhere until he feels better, no matter how long, or how hard the task will be. “Tell me everything.”

And that’s exactly what Donghyuck does. He tells you of how his morning was thoroughly mundane and how he seemed to have struggled to stay awake during class, and how Professor Lee even told him off for dozing off. He tells you each detail, every word and action, and you practically feel like you’re in the scene with how he describes it.

One thing he leaves out, however, is every feeling he’s felt. How could he? He’s sure to blurt out how incredibly safe he feels with you, how worried he was because of your cold, how all he could think about today was just you. Not to mention, how he really believes he cares for you, way more than a best friend should.

Just your presence, the sight of you, it makes him feel somehow inside. Like having a warm picnic late in the afternoon, the warm rays of the sunshine feeling oh so relaxing.

Like watching one of your favorite chick flicks or romantic movies with you after his breakdown, but not even paying attention to the movie because of the way you look so immersed and mesmerized with it has him himself in a daze. That one spark in your eye you always have when you’re so interested, the smile on your lips when you sigh with delight, the way your hands curl around Donghyuck’s wrist to bring you closer.

Donghyuck loves these moments. Donghyuck loves you.

iii.

Alright, Donghyuck does not love you. At least, he doesn’t think he does.

Not in these moments, when you bug him constantly when you very much know he needs to be focusing and finishing his essay.

But hey, in your defence, he’s got 2 weeks to finish it, and it’s not like he doesn’t have everything planned out for it. He’s been ready, much to your surprise. And as much as you are proud of him, you’re not so proud when he’s chosen to use the time where you two usually go to the grocery store near campus to do some assignment.

And it’s not like he doesn’t bug you every time you’re doing literally anything other than hanging out with him. There was a time you had to tutor Jung Sungchan (who will always remain your favorite student) but Donghyuck was around the corner, whispering (not so) quietly at you about how you should totally ditch math and accompany him wherever.

“Please, Y/n,” Donghyuck finally says after attempting to ignore you for 20 straight minutes. His hands are holding at yours, shaking them with the most desperate expression you’ve ever seen on Lee Donghyuck. “I’m begging you to just let me work. 30 minutes. Then we can go get frozen yoghurt from the dining hall, how’s that?”

You really can’t help but snort, and he can’t help but feel all his frustration flutter away just at the sight of your smile. Strange, he’s been feeling things. “What happened to the Donghyuck I knew last week? When I was sick? That made me swear not to leave each other because you couldn’t even last a day without me?”

“My god, Y/n!” Donghyuck exclaims, and at that moment, his fingers intertwine with yours. Great, let’s play a round of ‘how many times can your best friend make you feel things a best friend shouldn’t’ shall we?

“Yes, my love,” There goes one. God do you hate (read: love) when Donghyuck calls you that.

Donghyuck breathes out, trying to suppress a laugh. (it fails.) “I know I said that, and I still don’t take it back! I really mean it, I really do,” That’s two!

“But please, just let me finish this, and then we can go grab a snack, yeah?” Okay, that wasn’t that bad.

“My treat.” And that’s three.

This comment has you shutting up with a small smile, a swirling sensation of excitement stirring in you. This is the only indication your best friend needs to know you’ve agreed to his terms.

And finally, some peace and quiet. At least, that’s what Donghyuck thought.

“What’s your favorite color?” Donghyuck sighs when you start up after promising him you wouldn’t. He glances at you only momentarily, across from him with your arms tightly wrapped around the pillow Jeong Jaehyun left accidentally when he moved out. You have a small, almost mischievous smirk on your lips, as you lightly nudge at your best friend’s knee with your foot.

“I dunno,” he mumbles out, going back to his work, “never thought of it.”

And then he’s back to typing and ignoring you. Oh, how boring this was. It’s not all that fair, in your opinion, how Donghyuck is ignoring you when every time you’ve wanted to work he’s coming over with Chenle’s dog and a bunch of your favorite movies.

“Okay then, what’s your favorite thing to do?”

“Right now?” Donghyuck murmurs, and can’t help the jumping of his heart or curl at his lips when you crawl closer to him to bump your head against his side. “It would be working on this essay.”

“You’re so boring!”

Donghyuck simply dismisses your words, though you can see the slight smirk at the corner of his lips. He’s amused, and though he claims he wants to finish his essay, you know he very much does not mind your presence with him.

“Fine,” You huff out, “I guess I’ll just go and bother Jaemin or something.”

At this, Donghyuck perks up, eyes wide as he watches you roll off the couch next to him. His hand instinctively reaches out to grab at your wrist before you could leave, tugging you back to stumble back next to him on the couch.

Just as you expected.

“Oh? What’s this? The person who has been completely ignoring me is suddenly giving me so much attention?”

“Uh–” Donghyuck stumbles over his words, racking his brain to find a witty enough response to keep you here with him. Alas, as much as he tries, as hard as he searches, his mind becomes completely blank. It’s been happening lately, actually. Whenever he stares into your eyes, he’s struggling to find all the stupid witty comments, his heart feels like it’s being tugged at, it’s so strange.

“God, okay fine! Yeah, I want you here, but please, just don’t ask me stupid shit, okay?” Donghyuck proceeds to pat the space next to him, his gaze turning shy as he looks away bashfully. “Just–just accompany me, please.”

And surprisingly, you comply, for here you are, next to him, staring at his screen. Your head rests on his shoulder, hands playing with the pillows in your arms. You’re bored, but you can suck it up, just for Donghyuck, you suppose.

A sudden thought pops up in your mind, amd before you can stop yourself, you’re blurting it out.

“What do you want for your birthday?”

You notice how Donghyuck’s fingers completely stop typing, his work put on hold. “What?”

“I mean,” You start, your voice growing quieter, “your birthday’s coming up soon, right?”

All the other years you’ve celebrated it, it was always you throwing a big surprise party for him. It was always your gift for him. But since this year Jeno and Jaemin promised they would do it for him this year, it would mean you’re gonna have to get him a present too.

Donghyuck’s never heard this question, and strangely, he doesn’t really like it coming from you. He doesn’t want to demand things like he does with his other friends (read: Rich kid Chenle). He knows that whatever it is, he’s gonna love it.

“Your love?”

Your breath hitches in your throat at the response you receive, before you fly away from his shoulder to throw him a confused look.

Donghyuck’s face is… incredibly cute. He has a teasing smile, cheeks pulled up with his eyes bright. His chuckles are soft, though they resonate repetitively in your ears, and you can’t help but start chuckling as well.

“Oh really?”

When Donghyuck shrugs with a nod, you can finally come up with an equally witty response. “You better not complain if my gift is a kiss.”

To be honest, Donghyuck doesn’t mind. In fact, he kind of–holy shit Lee Donghyuck wants to kiss you!

iv.

Hyuck 🐻: Hey [22:10] Hey [22:10] Hey [22:11]

You: What [22:11]

Hyuck 🐻: Can we call [22:12]

You: Why [22:12]

Hyuck 🐻: Need help with an assignment [22:12]

You: Okay fine yeah sure [22:13]

Only you did anything but an assignment Donghyuck was struggling on. You went on a video call, he showed you a bit of the equations, and then you don't remember anything about any assignment after that.

The only thing you can recall talking about is literally anything other than it. Like Donghyuck's story of how his pinkie apparently stopped growing. (He's told you about 6 times already, but it's got to be your favorite story to hear.)

Nonetheless, you can't say you mind it. Donghyuck has been a bit distant lately, you're not sure why, but it's great to hear from him again.

Unbeknownst to you, Donghyuck is avoiding you just a little bit. Ever since the time on the couch where he quite wanted you to kiss him, he's not sure where his heart lies. In your palms, probably.

And he definitely feels like it is, especially when you start laughing at one of his stupid jokes through the screen. It's a tiny bit lagged, with your smile coming only a few seconds after your laughs, but it still shakes Donghyuck's heart. He can't even remember the joke.

He can't remember anything when he's with you, all he wants to remember is the curl of your lips, the sound of your laughter, the warmth you emit. Well, the warmth his laptop emits.

"Hey," Donghyuck starts. He picks on the bracelet you gave him last year, after you got it from some kiosk you found when you went on vacation with your family. It was the first real gift from you, and he cherishes it with all his heart.

"Didn't get to ask how your week was, how was it?"

Right, because he's been quite clearly ignoring you all week.

You visibly shift in Donghyuck's screen, going unseen for a moment, before you adjust your laptop on your lap. "It's been okay, got extra free time since Sungchan couldn't come to this week's meeting. Been sleeping a lot more."

"That's good," Donghyuck replies to your summary. It really is, because God knows how little sleep you get. Sometimes it's because of studying, or watching some movie just because you felt like it, or someone (read: Donghyuck) is occupying your time.

Your smile flashes on the screen, and it causes Donghyuck to smile himself, tugging his blankets closer to him.

"How about your week? What have you been doing to not call me every other hour?"

Let's see, thinking of you, staring at your contact photo for some reason, contemplating whether to call you or not, and, well, sleeping. And babbling about you to Lee Jeno.

"Not much, really."

His answer is definitely not what you expected, nor was it really what you wanted. You expected a whole rant, story time until the most ungodly hour of the morning, heck, even a witty little comment like how he's been thinking of you would be okay. (He would totally, but just scared if he would sound too serious because it's literally what he's been doing.)

And this clearly shows through your facial expressions, as your nose scrunches in dissatisfaction. "Really? Why didn't you call me then?"

Your words set a zoo that even Donghyuck has no idea of running around his body, sensations of happiness and giddiness ripple through his whole soul, and he has to physically hold back a grin.

"Why didn't you call me? Why does it always have to be me calling you?"

Donghyuck is lucky enough to come up with a natural and witty comment, a pout playing at his lips. They dangerously threaten to curl when you click your tongue, leaning in closer to your camera. "Fine," you mumble, "I'll call you next time."

Geez, and Donghyuck thought the zoo was enough for him. Now he has his heart shaking, bearing and clenching and buzzing with adoration for you. Holy shit... what was this feeling?

"Oh, by the way," these words once again capture all of your best friend's attention, it has him humming intently, unconsciously bringing his laptop closer to him.

"had this conversation with Chenle the other day," you explain the context, though you clearly know this was a lie. There was no conversation with Zhong Chenle, it was just a scheme.

"What's a random thing you have never had?"

Yes, a scheme to find him a birthday present.

"For example, I never had a gemstone before. Pebbles, rocks, sure. But like rubies and all that jazz? Never."

At first, Donghyuck was a little bit suspicious of your actions and words, but the moment you mention the gemstone and have you've never had it, his mind drifts off from the suspiciousness, instead racking his brain to find a thing.

It takes him a solid minute, one minute of a cute little thoughtful pout, one moment of his low focused humming, one minute of staring at his cute habits. God, perhaps you have it bad for Lee Donghyuck.

As you stare at him, you can't help but wonder what this certain object might be. Donghyuck's been gifted very random things by lots of people. There was a time he got a whole pack of chopsticks for Christmas. It was the craziest shit ever.

"Snowglobe."

You barely get to process his words, before you burst out laughing, very amused by his words. Though Donghyuck is confused, and shocked, he can't help but laugh along with you. He always found your laughter very contagious and enlightening.

"What?" He asks softly between chuckles, eyes glued to the screen, where you attempt to stop your laughter, but fail miserably.

"N-nothing," you snort, "that was just the last thing I expected."

And honestly, Donghyuck gets it. He gets it completely. Snowglobe, of all things, but it’s the truth, it really is.

Donghyuck leans in closer to his screen, if that is even possible, smiling fondly as you quiet down from your laughing fit. You have your face stuffed into a pillow, eyes shut as you try to regain and steady your breath. “It is pretty random, isn’t it?”

Your best friend can’t help but think you look… so precious. How many people in the world get to make you smile this much, how many people can get you to laugh as hard? For some reason, he can’t help but feel almost so special to get to have you in his life. To have you listen to his god awful jokes and to have you accompany him in a call. God, how did he even manage to get you to bake his favorite cookies?

And suddenly, when he glances at you, closing the window to his (finished and submitted) essay, you look way too good for a best friend. Grinning down at your laptop as your favorite part of your comfort movie plays, when have you ever looked so good before?

Considering the fact that Donghyuck was okay with you kissing you just a few days ago, and how you seem absolutely ethereal to him, he’s pretty concerned. What is going on? Why is he feeling this way towards you, after months of being so close, why has he only noticed now?

When Donghyuck softly smiles at the sight of you already mouthing along to your favorite dialogue of the whole movie, he realized that not only is he okay with you kissing him, he wants you to kiss him.

It’s been weeks since you’ve actually hung out properly with Lee Donghyuck, and after all this time spent without him, you realize how painfully boring life could be without him and how incredibly boring Lee Jeno is.

You spent a couple of days with him, and you agree with everyone when they say Na Jaemin truly might be his soulmate, because you don’t know how he can deal with such boringness. (Oh my god has Lee Donghyuck been influencing you too much?!)

Strangely, Jeno and Jaemin have been avoiding you too, but you know why. Even if they didn’t tell you, you know it’s because they would accidentally slip up and tell you their plans for Donghyuck’s birthday party and you would go scurrying off and telling him.

False, they are, because Donghyuck doesn’t…. want to talk to you. At least, that’s what you think, and that’s what you fear. What have you done wrong? What went wrong? The last time you spoke was… about 2 and a half weeks ago, when you had gone over to drop off one of his sweaters he left in your dorm.

He was quite awkward, to say the least. Fidgeting, nervous mumbling, he didn’t even hug you once, he was surely fishy. Ever since then, it’s only been texts, no meet ups or calls. Just texts. And you were initiating and continuing them all by yourself.

A pit of fear lies within you at the thought of you doing something to have Donghyuck stray away from you. Anxiety courses through your veins at the thought of him telling you that you should stop talking or something.

Nobody knows how you feel about him. Fear and love, or whatever you feel for him, nobody knows.

Nobody but Mark Lee. That guy’s great at getting you to spill your beans. Just an ‘Are you sure?’ and you’re going on and on about how confused you feel, how scared and how much you adore Donghyuck.

Thankfully, unlike Jisung or Chenle (or both together), he doesn’t have certain days where he’s making fun or not, he’s always 100% considerate. You’re surprised he doesn’t have a significant other yet, he really deserves one.

And here you are, once again, in front of him, but instead of the library, or his dormitory lounge room, you find yourselves in front of a lake Mark had found recently. You might bring Donghyuck here someday.

“Damn, really? I thought this was gonna be our spot, but I guess you always have to show Donghyuck everything.”

“Well sorry, Mark,” You murmur, as you attempt to skip a rock. It bounces 4 times. “I’m sorry I have a big fat huge crush on my own best friend.”

Mark whistles at your 4 skips, nudging your arm with an impressed smirk. “You say he’s ignoring you?”

“Yeah.” You don’t want to be reminded of the fact. Mark can tell, but you do have to face it either way.

“I know these words might be said like, a thousand times to a thousand people, but it’s really what you should do. Give him some time, maybe he’s going through something–”

“–Mark if he’s going through something he would tell me, he always does! He calls me, usually right before he’s going to sleep, and when I hear his sigh I know. I would know instantly. And I’d be over at his in less than 6 minutes, and he would scold me for wasting my breath for him, and I would always counter how he would do the same thing, because he would!”

Mark isn’t exactly surprised to see you’ve finally cracked. Neither did he expect it, but he knew it would be possible. He lets you rant, he wants you to rant. Get all of it out, until it’s all gone.

“And the thing is, I don’t even fucking know if he would at this point.” You groan and grimace at the tears starting to bead at the corner of your eyes, throwing another rock at the lake. “Did I do something?”

“Y/n,” Mark calls out softly. You almost forget you have company, but with Mark’s hand on your shoulder, moving you in front of him, you know you can trust this company. “even if Hyuck did feel that way, he wouldn’t lead you on, you know he wouldn’t.”

He was right, Donghyuck always called out the bad people in his life and didn’t even hesitate to turn them away. It’s a trait you love about him, he warned you about one of your exes, and instead of scolding you, like he usually does, he went to have a full on conversation with him and full on punched him.

“But if he was leading you on, you’d be okay. He might mean a lot to you now, and in the near future, but there will be people there for you.” Mark has now wrapped you in his arms, patting comfortingly. He mumbles softly, as if he knew the perfect tone to make someone calm down. He does have the perfect tone to calm someone down.

“That’s not gonna happen, though. He loves you way too much to do that.”

Mark Lee is crazy good at comforting, he should probably do it as a job, or something.

“Yeah,” You laugh (with a quiet sniffle that follows), burying yourself in his embrace. You wipe at the small tears on your cheeks, laughing embarrassingly, but Mark assures there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. “God, you’re a really good listener,”

“I know.”

“And advice giver.”

“I know that too,”

You pick up one more rock, turn to the lake, before you toss it. “I think I’m gonna confess. I don’t want this to fester into something really bad.”

Mark nods, joining you in rock skipping. His rock bounces 5 times. “Alright, but if he says anything bad I’m beating the shit out of him.”

You laugh at his comment. Mark Lee is like the brother you always wanted.

vi.

It’s June sixth, Donghyuck’s birthday.

You had texted him a quick birthday text this morning, strike at midnight, like you promised. You haven’t texted him since then, only staring at the ‘thanks y/n <3’ he had sent you about 20 minutes after you sent the text.

At first, you were pretty surprised to see that he was up that late, and then the worry came and started getting you just a little anxious, before you brushed it off, concluding that he was only just playing some more video games with Lee Jeno on his birthday.

And then after that, nothing. No texts, no calls, no nothing. It makes you a little sad, but you’re way too scared to do anything about it. You plan to confess to Donghyuck. Today, at his birthday party Jaemin and Jeno are hosting.

It’s only about an hour and a half away, but you have no plans on getting ready for it. Not at all. For now, you have his wrapped gift in your hands as you stare at your ceiling and practice your confession in your head.

You were always good at memorizing things, speeches, formulas, anything. It was a little thing you enjoyed.

But now, trying to clear your head and recite the confession you plan to tell him, you can’t recall a single word. Just the thought of it going to your best friend, who has been ignoring you for god knows how long, it’s got your heart hammering in your chest and your hands shaking, your nervousness spiking.

You check the clock. 40 minutes until the party.

You’ve got to get your shit together.

Before you know it, you’ve found yourself at the party, Jeno and Jaemin both embracing you at the same time.

“A little late, but nothing too bad! Good to see you again, Y/n!” Jaemin mumbles, before planting a playful kiss on your cheek. You fake a grimace, wiping it off your skin. Jeno only giggles at the situation, before ruffling your hair and nudging his head inside. “You’ll be able to find Hyuck somewhere in there. Can’t be that hard, he’s the birthday boy!”

His words are meant to mean well, nothing with generous intent, but it makes you nervous. Just in a matter of time, you’re about to spill all the beans about all your feelings towards your best friend who probably doesn’t even want to be your best friend anymore. (He wants to be so much more, but you don’t know that.)

The party is busy, busier than you thought, with many people from your classes and some other people they brought, probably for free food and a chance of finding love. Or maybe Jaemin and Jeno are just immensely popular.

All these people, and yet no sign of Donghyuck yet.

His gift is tight in your grip, your fingers bouncing and tapping against it quickly.

The first few people you bump into are your close friends, Huang Renjun and Mark Lee, and you don’t miss the hopeful glint in Mark’s eyes. You shake your head quickly with a slight frown, which tells him everything he needs to know.

Next, are Chene and Jisung, who seem… strange. They’re giggling, which is normal, but they keep nudging at each other and they had started… poking and screeching at you when you asked where Donghyuck was. You had no choice but to check if they were tipsy, or something, only to find their drinks were just mixtures of a bunch of sodas. Gross.

About 25 minutes have passed, no sign of Donghyuck. How are you supposed to give him your gift? (read: how are you supposed to tell him you’re head over heels in love with him?) Is he seriously ignoring you in his own birthday party too?

You’re getting agitated, almost anxious as the time passes.

You run up to Jeno, when you spot him near you. “Hey, have you seen Hyuck around?” You yell over the loud music.

His face twists, and the smile on his face is wiped off and replaced with a slight frown. “You haven’t seen him at all tonight?”

You shake your head.

“That’s weird, he would have been the most excited to see you,”

You excuse yourself, the moment you feel a stir in your stomach. You had a slice of cake, and some apple juice, and you don’t think your stomach is agreeing to the combination. Or the thought of Donghyuck completely ignoring you.

It’s not too long of a walk to the bathroom, after all you could make your way through Donghyuck’s place with your eyes closed. Not a good idea right now, you could bump into that guy with 5 plates of birthday cake.

You finally make your way into the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind you. Instantly, the music is blurred out, and you close your eyes with a sigh when you feel your nerves calm down just a little bit.

Just a little bit.

They double in amount, however, when you realize that none other than Donghyuck is in the bathroom himself, sitting at the corner by the corner.

You both stare at each other, wide eyes of surprise, clearly unsuspecting of finding one another in the bathroom.

“Hyuck? What the fuck are you doing in the bathroom?”

“Uhhh,” Donghyuck desperately racks his head back and forth for a reason, any kind of reason. “Taking a shit?”

No, he was not taking a shit. Obviously.

You feel a whole whirlwind of emotions hit you suddenly, it strikes at your chest, your heart, before it tingles and moves to your fingers, where you squeeze Donghyucl's birthday present, before it moves onto your feet, as you take one step.

That's as far as it goes, however, and you stop very awkwardly in the middle of the bathroom. There's no point in stopping now, he's right here, you both have nowhere to go, and really it's now or never.

You take another step, and another, and before you know it, you're kneeling and plopping down next to Donghyuck.

It's awkward, at least you think it is. You don't dare look at your best friend, afraid that the moment you do, you'djust blurt out how much you love him.

Donghyuck, however, feels nothing but longing towards you. He longs for you, after weeks of ignoring you. But he doesn't let himself, it's his fault, he should deal with the consequences himself.

"Um—happy birthday!" You blurt out, and stick out your hand with the birthday present in it. It alarms Donghyuck, only for a moment, before he reaches out to it with a grin. You missed his smile.

Instantly, Donghyuck has an urge to unwrap it, to see what it is and treasure it with his whole being, to thank you and hug you and finally just be normal with you once again.

And so he rips open the wrapping paper, finding a snow globe sitting in his palm now. Donghyuck's heart follows each and every artificial snowflake floating about in the glass, swelling and swirling at the gift.

You're nervous for Donghyuck's reaction, seeing him gape at the globe with such wide eyes. Did he not like it? Was it too much? Maybe he wanted to get a snow globe himself.

But, it's nothing short of perfect to him. It's got a polar bear in it, with a santa hat and a christmas tree only half its size, there's nothing in it he could ever point out as a flaw.

"Thank you," Donghyuck finallu breathes out, "fuck, this is perfect—thank you so much, Y/n, really."

"I, uh, wanted to put a picture of us, but I didn't know how to do it so I bought a normal one instead" For the second time that night, Donghyuck's heart goes into a frenzy, just at the sight of your smile of pure happiness and eyes of relief. It pains him to think you could doubt yourself over something as silly as a present. You shouldn't ever worry about what you do to him, he's going to love you no matter what.

The atmosphere lifts a little but after that, as you both shyly smile at the situation.

However, it's not a clear sky just yet. There are grey clouds in the way, grey clouds you can't simply ignore.

And at those clouds, you ought to curse at. You haven't brought an umbrella, or a raincoat, even if you knew it was gonna rain. Here you are, sitting in the shade, knowing that if you step out, it'll start pouring.

But at that, you say fuck it! May it be a drizzle worth of rain, a hailstorm, heck a blizzard couldn't stop you.

"Hey, Hyuck?" You take a step out of the shade.

He simply hums back, gaze never leaving the snow globe.

You take a deep breathe, feeling the first droplet of rain on your skin. "Did… did I do anything?"

And when Donghyuck whips around at you with a shocked expression, you feel the winds of confusion kicking in, growing stronger as he rapidly shakes his head and denies it quickly. "What? No, it's just a snow globe,"

"No, no," You can't help but chuckle at his panicked tone, leaning your hand on your palm. "Not that. Just in general, you know?"

In comes heavier rain, feeling so weighted against your skin. It's cold, harsh, and wet, but you know it's going to be worse.

"If I'm doi g anything wrong, please don't keep it in, please tell me," Your words do more than just surprise Donghyuck, a stinging guilt pains him. Is this what you've been thinking about the whole time he's been gone?

"If I'm making you uncomfortable in any way, tell me. If I did something, tell me my mistake." Your voice is laced with more than hurt, or guilt, it has fear, desperation, and Donghyuck wants to punch himself because of all this.

You can't bring yourself to look at Donghyuck, just merely talking to him about the things you've been worried about is already a whole hurricane for you ti deal with, to fight. "If I'm lacking in any way, tell me what I'm lacking. Just please, tell me, Hyuck. You're one of the most important people in my life and I don't want to hurt you or make you feel bad in any way—"

“—Shut up and look at me!"

You hadn't even noticed Donghyuck calling out to you, not until he's grasped your hands in his, inteetwinign your fingers together.

"God, Y/n, I'm sorry. I made you think the exact opposite. I…" Donghyuck's sentence trails off, and before he knows it, he feels himself choking up once again. Just at the sight of you, so desperate, sorry for nothing, feeling bad, he can't get himself to say anything.

Despite that, he tries, shifting on the floor to face you, "Remember when we met? Two years ago, at Renjun's birthday party? Remember what I first said to you?"

It takes you a moment, but you do remember, how could you ever forget?

'You got some moves! Do you have a phone number too?'

Just by the look on your face, Donghyuck knows you remember. "I still stand by my words."

"...I got good dance moves?"

"Wha—No! After that,"

"...I have a phone number?"

"Oh my fucking god, no. I mean what I meant in general. Like—I was hitting on you," Realization rushed in you, and it hits you like a truck once the words roll off Donghyuck's tongue and register in your brain. Lee Donghyuck was hitting on you.

Donghyuck's heartbeat beats in his ears, terrifyingly loud, and his insides twist in fear and anticipation as he mumbles, "I... I fucking love you, Y/n. I love you so much it hurts, and it terrifies me."

"At first, I just thought friends would be enough. But then we became best friends, which I thought would be better, but god was I wrong. Realizing your feelings for your best friend is crazy, because you're scared of every little thing they do! When you asked me what I wanted for my birthday, you... I just really wanted to kiss you right then and there. When you gave me a hug when I had a bad day, I was so afraid that I would accidentally blurt out the words 'I love you', and when you started looking at me differently, longingly, I realized that I had been ignoring you without realizing. And I feel like an absolute bitch about it. I'm so sorry, for everything. For making you feel terrible just because I was being a fool, for neglecting you, and being an asshole and... and for my feelings. I understand if you feel weirded out, or disgusted, or anything, really. I'm just sorry."

The storm you once thought you'd try fighting away is now drying away, replaced by nothing but the sun after the storm, absolute gid and relief waving over you at his words.

Donghyuck looks so fucking ethereal right now, blushing shyly as he stares at the snow globe you gifted him, and as much as he feels embarassed, there's nothing in him telling him to stop holding your hands. He's holding them so dearly, running the pads of his thumb over your skin, his touch warm and comforting.

"Hyuck," You mumble softly. He doesn't look up. "I think I love you too, Hyuck."

In an instant, Donghyuck's head whips up to stare at you, blinking repeatedly and mouth gaping continuously at you.

"Wait—fuck, wait really?!"

You laugh at Donghyuck's shocked expression, leaning forward to bump your forehead against his shoulder.

"Wait—no—Y/n don't play with me. You love me?!"

"Yes, Donghyuck!"

"Fuck, wait, you said you think you love me. Do you love me or not?"

"Oh my god, I love you! I love you, okay? I don't think your feelings are weird, I think it's dope,"

Donghyuck still continues to gape at you, with what seems like the whole galaxy in his eyes, staring at you as if you were his sun and moon and stars and every beautiful thing out there.

Donghyuck gently shurgs you off his shoulder, before he automatically finds his hands on your skin, caressing your face ever so dearly. The look in his eyes do not change, nor do they falter, desperately staring into yours.

"Are you sure you love me?"

You lean forward to bump your forehead against his, "One hundred percent. You sure you love me?"

Donghyuck shifts to brush your noses together, and you can practically feel his grin against yours. "One hundred percent,"

With that, Donghyuck's lips lock with yours, so softly you feel almost lightheaded. His hands on your face still trace their ways through each inch to your jaw and neck, memorizing each part of you. Donghyuck's lips feel soft, taste of birthday cake you can only assume is from when he blew the candle earlier.

Each peck, each push and pull of your lips feel almost like a dream, but the small smiles and occasional laughs bring you back to reality.

When you pull away, Donghyuck instantly brings you into his arms, planting kisses on every free spot he can find on your cheeks

"When did you realize you love me?"

You hum at the question, "Few months ago."

"All those weeks I've wasted… pining over something I already had?!"

"I quite like it, it adds to the yearning, don't you think?"

Donghyuck only huffs, bringing you closer to him.

"Oh right, speaking of all those weeks we've wasted, care to fill me in on those weeks?"

"What should I tell you?" Donghyuck mumbles, pulling your fingers between his. He reaches down to press a kiss to each of your knuckles.

"Tell me everything?"

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fangirlstorycreator · 1 year

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Hey beautiful 💚I have a request. If it's okay for you to write about 3kk Daniel where he's like 19 (bc of collage) would you make a scenario were he and y/n are the bestes of friends and got really close but before the kiss could happen Mr.miyagi interrupted and then a few days later he and y/n are fighting over Aly (I hate her in rl tho) and y/n is speaking but he couldn't hold it anymore and kisses her? If you don't want to do it it's totally fine it's a TIG page so I would understand 💚💚💚🙏

Of course I will write a Daniel one for you bibi 😊 I hope you like it 💚

You had been friends with Daniel for as long as you could remember, and over the years, your friendship has grown more and more each day. You loved learning karate along side Daniel and enjoyed the lessons from mr miyagi. Daniel saw him as one of his closest friends and he would always go to him for advice, but sometimes Daniel said that Mr miyagi would interrupt at the wrong time, case in point tonight. You and Daniel were just putting a few things away in mr miyagi's dojo when you both stopped for a moment to take a breath and sat on a little wooden bench outside the back door. "That equipment certainly is heavy isnt it Daniel?" "You could say that again" Daniel says before letting out a breathless giggle.

"Why isnt mr miyagi helping us put this stuff away?" "He said he had to call a friend of his, but dont worry Y/N were able to do it by ourselves" "You say that, and yet were both sat outside trying to catch our breath from carrying heavy things from one room to another" "Well you do have a point I supose" This makes you both giggle, and you cant help but slightly blush when you see Daniel smile at you like that. Trying to distract yourself, you look up into the night sky. "I cant belive how beautiful the stars look tonight, it's so clear" "Yeh....yeh your right" he replies. A little gust of wind blows against your bare arms and makes you slightly shiver. You did feel a little cold before, but now it was starting to seep into your skin. And Daniel notices the goosebumps on your arms.

"Hey, are you cold? Hear, let me help you" He sat right next to you, wrapped one arm around your back and places his hand on your arm, and his other hand did the same with your other one. That's when be started to rub his hands up and down your cold skin, trying to warm you up. "Thank you Daniel, you know you didnt have to do that though" "I know but, I uhh...I didnt want you to get to cold...." You couldn't help the little smile that spread over your face as you looked at him. That's when, just for a moment, everything seemed so quiet, so still, and the only thing you and Daniel did was look into eachothers eyes. He looked a little nervous at you as his eyes darted between your eyes and your lips, you knew you wanted to kiss him. You both started to lean in slowly, and just as both yours and Daniel's eyes closed as your lips almost touched.... "Daniel! Y/N! Why isnt this stuff all moved?" Shouted mr miyagi from inside the dojo.

You both pulled away awkwardly. "I uhhh, I supose we should get back inside?" "Yeh....yeh your right Y/N" You both stood up and went insde to finish putting the things away, and you didnt speak to Daniel for another 2 days after that. When you were coming out of a corner shop after those 2 days, you bump into Daniel. "Oh hey Daniel" "Hey Y/N, what's up?" "Just getting a few things, I uhhh... supose I'll see you at the dojo this afternoon?" "Yeh, I'll....see you there" Giving him a little smile, you turned to walk away, both of you felt so awkward after the other night. You arrived early in the dojo and it was just you and Mr miyagi, he said to you "Daniel is not hear yet, so I must run out and talk to my friend. I will only be about 20 minutes, are you ok to wait for me and tell Daniel?" "Of course mr miyagi" He leaves the room and heads out to his car, where he proceeds to drive down the street. As your looking out the window, you see Daniel arrive, but he isnt on his own, hes with Aly. You knew Aly had a crush on Daniel, and deep down you were worried that he felt the same for her. You could see her rest a hand on his shoulder, but he barley noticed and shrugged it off.

She walked away while Daniel wade his way inside, to see you on your own, and no miyagi. "Hey, where is he?" "He had to pop out for 20 minutes, he had to see his friend" "Oh...ok..." You both just stand there, twiddling your thumbs and looking away from eachother. "So? You were hanging out with Aly I see?" "Yeh kind of, she saw me walking down the street and tagged along" "she ummm...seems quite taken with you" Daniel looks quite confused. "Aly? Are you kidding me? No no she does see me like that" "You dont see it Daniel because your a guy. You dont know what girls do when they want a reaction from a guy. The way she smiled at you and rested her hand on your shoulder, that was a signal" He just chuckles. "Nah nah if a girl was into me, I'd know" You just look him straight in the eye. "Would you?" The room goes quite, and you dont know what to say next. "Listen Daniel, just....just tell mr miyagi I'm not feeling very well ok? I'm just going to go" "What? Why?" "I just dont think.....its nothing just, I'm going to go"

You try to walk past him to get to the door, but he takes your hand in his, stopping you from going further. "Y/N, did I do something to upset you? Please tell me" "Daniel its nothing, I think...I think you and Aly could be a nice couple that's all, and if she likes you like that then I dont want to bother you-" All the time he is listening to you speak, he just cant stop thinking about the other night when he almost kissed you, and he knew that Aly made you feel uncomfortable, he wanted to show you that you didnt have to feel like that. He stopped your speaking by pulling you in by your hips and pressing his lips against yours. It definitely shut you up, and you both just stay still in that position, feeling the softness of eachothers lips. It was only a little kiss, and you both pulled away so you could look at eachother. His eyes were so beautiful, and you felt so close to him, finaly not having to hide it anymore. Giving him a smile, you rested your hands on his cheeks and pulled him in for a much slower and far more passionate kiss, you both took your time and just enjoyed the blissful time you were sharing.

His hands were starting to move, from your hips, one was holding your back and the other came up and rested against your cheek. And of course, your hands just held his body closer to yours as the kiss deepend and got so much more sensual. After about a minute, you both pulled away and looked at eachother again. "That was way better than I imagined" "You imagined kissing me before Daniel?" He blushes and starts to stumble over his words. "Well uhh- yes- I- I mean- umm maybe once- or or twice- I uhh" You just smile and plant another small kiss on his lips. "I imagined it to Daniel" He breathes a sigh of relief, smiles at you and is about to lean in for another kiss, when mr miyagi pulls up outside in his car. "Shall we continue this later Daniel?" "I'd really like that Y/N"

#daniel larusso x reader #daniel larusso

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moodr1ng · 16 days

Text

re last post while im being chatty (sleeping pills do that to me): i have a kinda strange relationship w my knuckle tattoos. when i was 17 i was in a pretty rough spot in life. though i wasnt in The Absolute Worst Years, things werent going great on pretty much any front. i was failing out of school at the time, i saw no future for myself, i felt like i had fucked up all my options beyond any redemption. i lived in a "bad neighborhood", in a social housing apartment where i shared the one bedroom with my sister and my mom slept in the living room. i had like, two irl friends and one of those friendships was quite toxic and codependent. my mental health was abysmal and my parents were at the end of their rope with what to do with me. nobody even believed id manage to graduate high school anymore. i had no money except what i could glean from art commissions on tumblr and whatnot. i was perpetually broke and so were my friends (we shoplifted quite a bit at that time). i always knew my mom and i didnt exactly have much money but i was really feeling it then, and more than that, i felt like this prophecy was hanging over my head, that i would too end up like my parents: an underpaid worker in a shit job with seemingly no upsides or ways to move forward.

yet i had an inkling that one day i might get out of this; that i might one day escape this and 'rise above my station', 'make it' in some way. i pictured myself as someone who did make it: an older version of me, who i pictured very clean-cut and acceptable-looking, maybe wearing a suit or something. i hated that version of me; the sellout. i looked at that future me and thought: dont you dare forget about me. dont you dare forget about all of us here - not just my family but everyone i loved, and the people in the same neighborhoods and the same situation. i guess it was a moment of class awareness and solidarity. i thought: ill never let myself become a clean-cut, law-abiding, middle class sycophant who looks down on people like me.

so i got commission money for the cheapest tattoo machine i could get, some $50 crappy machine i got off ebay that came with needles and inks, and i sat at my kitchen table one afternoon with an internet friend on a skype call and tattooed my own knuckles - right hand tattooed with the left hand and all. i chose "DIRT POOR". i thought: there. not only can i see it, everyone can. i can rise up as much as i can in the world. but there will always be this neon sign on my hand that says: i came from here.

and i stuck with that for a very long time. i loved those tattoos. when i stopped loving them (because theyre kinda ugly, and i dont like explaining them to people, etc) i still loved the meaning behind them.

but then i actually 'made it'. i mean, not really. i didnt truly make it. i dont have a job, my main income is disability benefits, but im blessed that i also have my etsy shop and a roommate who helps with rent and a very cheap apartment, all of which means i have an income thats almost minimum wage and benefit from a lot of government aid, and through that ive set aside sizeable savings. i dont have to worry about paying for my food or home or clothes or other necessities, and i can go for drinks with friends or order takeout or buy myself little eccentricities just because i want to. i certainly didnt turn out clean-cut and proper in a suit, but i got to a place that 17 year old tattooing himself on a dirty kitchen table thought hed never get to.

and now that im here the tattoos feel.. silly. shameful. the people who ask me about them are most often panhandlers - and when i translate what it means to them i feel like such a poser. like, dirt poor? really? but im not dirt poor. im doing fine. if i dont get into the extensive backstory of the tattoos every time, i just.. look like someone trying to look rougher than i am. i feel like im appropriating a struggle that is no longer mine. and i dont even like the tattoos anymore and havent for a long time, and now the message itself doesnt feel worth having them.

like id forget where i come from if i didnt have it etched in my hands? like i even needed that reminder anyway? in the end, i got these because i didnt trust myself - because i thought my class solidarity was disingenuous, opportunistic, based only in my current circumstances. but ill never forget how i grew up. the message is already in me. i never needed a reminder. my past will always be a part of me.

so, anyway, ive been thinking of getting the tattoos lasered off. im far from being sure i wanna do it, though almost only because of the price, but ive been considering it often. i still feel a bit like its a betrayal of my 17 yo self. but then again, i think if he saw me now, 10 years older and in the position im in now, hed probably get it. hed see i havent really changed, not in the important ways. i think in the same way i need to forgive my past selves, maybe they too need to forgive me for moving on from them. so i really might get the laser, if not soon, then someday.

if i do, ill still have other hand and finger tattoos, so it wouldnt change much if i get new knuckle ones. if that does come to pass - im thinking "GOOD LUCK" this time.

#97 #substance use #long post #hmm actually one place offers laser removal for 150€?#like obvs thats not cheap but. i can afford that.#maybe i really should go for it.. after the summer has passed though

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iamnmbr3 · 1 year

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i shouldn’t really get into petty celebrity drama but do you think chris and tom are still friends? i dont know any of them personally, but it’s just kinda weird how they were so “close” in 2011-2016 then after that everything looked like it fell apart? i understand tom was going through a “rebranding” process after all the drama and mishaps he had in 2016-2017 and hid away from everyone for a while but it’s very strange that neither of them are hyped to talk about Thor and Loki’s relationship and the importance of those two characters together. i often wonder if there was a fight between the two or possibly a controlling Disney dictating how Thor and Loki SHOULD be and wanting to separate Thor and Loki? (I’m also sure Taika plays a role in it since he hates Loki with a passion) cause they seriously NEVER talk about eachother anymore, or the importance of Thor and Loki’s relationship. it kinda makes me sad because it almost sorta represents the end of my childhood and love for the brothers i had when i was 13. and now that i see them apart, out of character, loki constantly mocked and the actors ignoring and not speaking to eachother it’s like i lost something and im trying to grieve through it.

I don't really keep track of celebrities but my instinct is no. I mean. To some extent maybe their friendship was kinda hyped up for PR. Idk. I didn't really follow it. but yeah I think Chris became pretty jealous of Tom's popularity. And these days Chris def seems to be favored by Tom over execs.

There seems to be a lot of hostility towards Tom from a number of cast members and form Disney as a whole. A lot of the anti Loki stuff seems aimed at knocking down Tom and reducing his popularity and trying to recast him. Even the ooc Loki in the Loki show feels more like a mean spirited parody of Tom than of Loki.

@nikkoliferous wrote a bit about Chris apparently becoming jealous of Loki & Tom's popularity here.

Certainly some of the stuff he said in the LT interviews seemed pretty pointed. Whereas as far as I know Tom has always been gracious and polite about Chris in all of his interviews.

it’s pretty sad. to turn on someone just bc they and their character are popular. smh.

#asks

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berah-ronah · 2 years

Text

OKAY SO here are my miscellaneous thots on nona, roughly organized

FIRST OF ALL: as THEE BOE stan, this book was FANTASTIC for me specifically. We got a glimpse at the BOEs internal dissent, their variable views and methods, and got to finally see them as PEOPLE rather than as a shadowy terrorist group. We Suffer fucking ruled, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Our Lady of the Passion for being a real anti-House firebrand in a way that’s completely justified.

My theory is that the Angel has a sort of magic thats the inverse or is orthagonal to necromancy

She has some form of intrinsic value to the BOE in a way that drives them to keep her physically safe, in a way that they most certainly dont for other people, and may be similar to the way that they treat House necromancers/lyctors working with them as Assets

There’s some direct risk associated with placing her around violence; the way they talk about her, it implies that even being PRESENT is somehow bad or risky, and might be an inverse of the way necromancers thrive on sudden violence and death.

They have a bodyguard SPECIFICALLY called a lifeguard tasked with protecting her, and it appears to be a role that requires advanced and specific training, NOT TO MENTION that the word “lifeguard” is MUCH more specific than bodyguard and is semantically linked to bodies of water (like the River)

The cryptic line she has about being a message or inheritance; my money is that shes linked to casseiopeia in some way, maybe a soul passed down through a genetic or ideological lineage. That would connect her to River magic more, since it would link her conceptually to Abigail (a spirit magician, and the first person to discuss the concept of non-Necromantic magic tied to the River)

IN ADDITION i think that alecto is trans of gender

she clearly has some issues with the body she’s in (which is a literal hyperfeminine ideal crafted for her by jod), and considering the tone of the series, i wouldnt be surprised if jod talking about trying to cram her in his mouth and failing was both discussing the metaphysical aspect AND was also a blowjob joke

(sidebar: its VERY funny that my girlfriend jumped on the theophagy angle and i jumped on the blowjob angle; really shows that shes a semi-gnostic Idealist and im a vulgar materialist)

In general, would be an interesting take on the Pygmalion myth (which jod specifically cites), in that he crafts her a body, BUT she hates it and feels that its intrinsically horrible

Gideon makes me SO so fucking sad in this book.

despite being given the visible outer signs of success and acceptance, its yet another situation where she’s just a weapon for someone else to wield; first it was as harrow’s cavalier, then it was as jod’s heir and prince, and in BOTH cases shes fundamentally unfulfilled (although it is obviously much, much, much worse as jods heir).

like you KNOW that if harrow could make her indestructable the way jod did, she WOULD have, because both of them are leaning on Gideon and refuse to give her AUTONOMY (even if jod is unquestionably worse).

the entire sequence on the ninth where she instinctively goes to say “we” when talking about the niners before correcting herself, then kills crux and feels NOTHING because he never gave a shit about her other than as a thing to abuse, fucking HURT to read.

i HOPE that she gets actual friendship and self-fulfillment and community in the last book, not because i think that her and harrow Wont Work, but because she needs people who are genuinely and honestly friends with her; not because they need her, but because they enjoy her company and want to help her be her best self, especially since her closest friends (cam and pal) also dont really exist as People anymore.

Like yes, gideon is capable and smart and dashing, but she needs a shoulder to lean on, and as much as i love harrow, she has that particular form of self-hatred in which the only way she can conceptualize supporting gideon is to remove herself from gideons life or sacrifice herself for her; gideon needs someone who will STAY and who will listen to her insecurities, comfort her, and give her the material and emotional support she NEEDS. she needs someone to unconditionally accept and comfort her in the same way she did to harrow in the saltwater pool

i have to let my other thots percolate and reread it to REALLY get to work BUT thats what ive got so far

#the locked tomb #nona the ninth spoilers

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masonreds · 1 month

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Hiyaaa🩷

This isn't how you expected tonight to go. DRAMA

You couldn't handle your feelings for him anymore. You hated being friends when deep down you know you knew what you wanted and the possibility of him turning you down, rejecting you just thinking about it made you an anxious mess. OHHHH POOR GIRLY😢

You just knew it was Mason. The person who'd you been trying to avoid for the rest of the night. OH HERE HE IS🤭

'Last I checked, the afterparty hasn't been moved to the bathroom.' SILLY

'What's bothering you?' HE KNOWS HERRRR

Mason just ignores what you said. 'You would've at least made five sarcastic comments in the last two minutes if everything was fine. You forget how i can read you like a book.' He pauses. 'And you certainly wouldn't be hiding away from your own birthday party for most of the night. Especially when you always refuse to let me leave without helping you clean up.' OH CUTIE PIEEE😢

'Cut the bullshit, Y/N.' He told you sternly, before continuing, 'I watched you blow out the candles. I saw that look you made after you made your wish, and you looked up at me for a split second. And that look you had on your face, as if you were going to start crying right there and then. You masked it quickly, but I saw it. I’m not going to stand here and pretend I didn’t see it.’ CAN HE BE MY BESTIE TOO?

‘Because you’re my best friend,’ he reminds you. ‘And I feel like I have a right to know what I did that made you make that face.’ There’s a beat of silence, and he says, in a lower tone than before. ‘Because I would do anything to make sure I never see it again. It breaks my heart seeing you like that.’ HE IS JUST THE CUTEST I CAN'T

‘C’mon princess, don’t cry sweetheart,’ he beckons. ‘Please. Just come out and we’ll fix whatever’s happening. I swear.’ PRINCESS, GIGGLINGGG

Oh how you wish things were different, and how you wished you were destined to be with him. YOU AREEE, TRUST MEE

‘Because,’ you squeeze your eyes shut as more tears spill over. ‘You can’t see me like this. I don’t want it to change our friendship.’ DONT BE SILLY

‘What if I want it to affect our friendship?’ He sighs. ‘What if I want you to think you can come to me when you’re upset? Do you really think I’d push you away when you’re like this?’ OHHH🤭

‘But if the only reason you’re not coming out is because you’re afraid of how I’m going to react, then I’m the one who fucked up for making you think that you always need to be in a good mood around me,’ his voice softens. ‘I’ll leave you alone if you want, but please don’t try to push me away.’ HE IS IN LOVE, ISN'T HE?

‘Princess?’ He asks. Your chest tightens at the sound of that stupid nickname again. It started off as a joke, Mason teasing you after you shared your love of fantasy books and fairy tales with him. And it stuck around, quickly becoming Mason’s favourite way to make you flustered while you always shoot him with an annoyed glare. You always told him you hated it, but after a while you began to carry it with a sense of pride. As much as it pained you to know he was only joking, it always made your heart contract in a way he was only capable of causing. SHE IS HIS PRINCESS 🥹🥹🥹

‘Because-’ you whisper. ‘Because you’ll hate me.’ OH SHUT UP

‘As much as I want to tell you why I gave you that look tonight,’ your voice is slightly muffled with your face buried in his hoodie. ‘I know it will ruin our friendship and I don’t think I can bare losing you.’ IT WON'T RUIN ITTT

‘Please don’t say that,’ he tries to meet your eyes. ‘There’s nothing that you could say to me right now that would make me even think about hating you, okay?’CUTIE

‘I can’t keep pretending that I’m not in love with you.’ SHE SAID ITTTT

‘I thought us being friends would be enough, and for a while it was. I was fine loving you platonically, because I figured having you in my life as a friend would be better than not having you in my life at all. But my feelings never went away, they just continued to grow stronger and stronger and-’ you try to discreetly wipe your eyes. Your tears blurred your vision almost completely. ‘I knew you would never love me like I love you, because guys like you don’t date girls like me. The date models or influencers. The type of girl you brag to your friends about.’ OH MY BABY GIRL😢🫂

You’re rambling now, you can feel it. You find it impossible to stop until he speaks. ‘What if I feel the same?’ SCREAMINGGGG

‘Please give me a chance to speak, will you?’ He grips your shoulders gently, placing his face close to yours. And then he goes on to saying something you would’ve never expected. ‘Could you just pump the breaks for a second so I can tell you that I’m in love with you too?’ ‘You do realise that I’ve been crazy about you for years now, right? I just didn’t know where you stood so I never had the guts to ask you out,’ He lets out a breathy laugh and runs his hands through his hair. ‘Oh god if I had known that you liked me back even a little I would’ve said something! I–I just thought you never saw me like that,’ He trails off. He stops and turns to me suddenly. ‘Princess, I am so sorry. All this time you felt like you couldn’t be yourself around me, like you couldn’t just tell me how you felt.’ YAYYYYY WE HAVE A NEW COUPLE IN TOWNNN🤭🤭🤭

‘How about you let me deal with some of the mess in the living room, while you wash your face and wind down a bit?’ he suggests. MY MAN

‘You’re not staying?’Mason looks at me with a smile. ‘Of course I can stay.’‘Let me tell you something, princess,’ he stares deeply into your eyes, refusing to let your gaze slip from his. ‘I’ve never, never left your side willingly.’ THIS BROKE MY HEART AND THEN PUT IT TOGETHER AGAIN

‘Good,’ he replies. ‘That’s a relief because I honestly didn’t feel comfortable leaving my girl alone right now.’MY GIRLLL

OMG I LOVED THIS, THE WAY SHE WAS SO SCARED AND HE WAS SO REASSURING

HE TELLING HER I LOVE YOU BACK IMMEDIATELY CAUSE HE KNEW HOW SCARED SHE WAS

AND SHE NOT WANTING HIM TO LEAVE🥹

WOW, MISSED YOUR WRITING 🩷 THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS, CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE AND MORE 🤭🩷

Oh my god! You’re so sweet!! You have no idea how much I appreciate this. I keep giggling whilst rereading it 🥹 thank you for taking your time in writing this!! 🥺🩷

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agottamndelight · 2 months

Text

To, you, who are no longer Dear to me,

I wanted to tell you that I saw you got a story published. The little kid in me was so happy and proud for the little kid in you. You took those stories and fanfic and drawings and all the things we did together and you turned it into something new, and someone else validated that. I turned mine into maladaptive daydreaming, no further. When I was trying not to be angry at you anymore, I told myself that my stories let me make it through my boring,scary, or hard times, and you let your stories destroy your life. You weaved a story that someone else (your child, or my child, or me, when I am feeling bitter) needed to be the priority before you, that we all pulled away and would never love you again. And then you slowly, slowly like a glacier, told yourself that story, and told us, your best friend and the family who loved you, other stories until you had effectively shut everyone else out.

And then you picked new people to tell this new story to, the sad one where no one understood you or loved you anymore, and none of it was your fault, like you had no responsibility in your actions or respect for the thirty years we've known each other to simply reach out and ask for help.

Or even to tell me you didnt want my help anymore. You couldn't tell me we'd grown apart.

It was cowardly. And unfair to our friendship.

Maybe, I tell myself, it was necessary. Looking back, I was deeply unaware of how I circled you, how I protected you from things I thought were bad decisions. I took agency away from you in a way i wasnt aware of and shouldn't have done. Everyone deserves to hold decisions in their own hands as theirs and theirs alone, good or bad.

For all your beautiful language, did you not know how to tell me that? I certainly didn't know I was doing it, so maybe we had become codependent long before we could untangle that.

We had language for so many other things. We shared so many other things. I wish I could untangle you from my memories to figure out if I would be me still.

For my part, I now see that the way i treated you was unfair. But since your response to my good bye letter, I dont actually think we understand each other enough to offer apologies or amends. I suspect you still need to believe the sad story where no one loved you so you can continue, so I have guesses but I don't, at this point, know what you think i should apologize for.

I dont know if I feel like, or even need to apologize for anything anymore.

So congratulations on being published, you worked for it and you deserve it. I hope it was worth the ruins of your marriage and your friendship, and I suppose, time will tell if it is. I am not so self righteous or arrogant to think that it might not be. Part of me hopes it is. It's not my job to talk you through things or help you make good or bad decisions anymore.

I hope you are well

I hope you treat your new friends better than you treated me.

Sincerely,

3/26/24

#to you who are no longer dear to me

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frogtanii · 3 years

Text

[buckle up; this one is a long one (1.6k words)]

things weren’t supposed to turn out this way.

she was supposed to show up, apologize “sincerely,” and the boys, her boys, were supposed to welcome her with open arms and swiftly discard of you.

instead, she was sitting in the back of a cramped police car with two pigs, one of which had a horrible b.o. problem and an affinity for sauerkraut.

it was so frustrating.

and, of course, it was all your fault.

you’d been blocking her from true happiness ever since the beginning when you’d first met in middle school. it was crazy because you’d actually seemed nice; kind, understanding, and you didn’t judge her for what her father did to her mother or for how she acted out because of that.

sure, you were a little weird and sometimes you could be downright rude to other kids in your class but you cared for her in a way that no one else had before.

(un)fortunately, you didn’t come alone — you were a packaged deal. your childhood friend, daishou, came into her life right along with you. she didn’t mind at first; daishou was fun when he wanted to be but he was mostly full of snarky comments and sarcastic quips.

the three of you spent all your time with each other; from playing at the playground to helping her begin her makeup youtube channel in 8th grade.

you all got along pretty well up until you got to highschool. once there, you threw yourself into your studies, sort of retracting yourself from her and daishou.

how selfish.

she couldn’t help but feel betrayed by you—you knew how bad she was at making friends and you didn’t even care, leaving her all alone to fend for herself.

well, not all by herself.

daishou was a constant. no matter where she was, or how alone she was feeling, he was there to provide entertainment at the most, and his presence at the least.

it wasn’t always the healthiest, most functional friendship, she could admit that. there were weeks that daishou would choose to ignore her for no apparent rhyme or reason, citing his explanation as he just didn’t feel like it.

obviously it sucked but he was her only friend, ever since you so cruelly abandoned them. i mean, you still ate lunch with them every day and invited them over to study and hang out, but it was not the same.

with you so absent, she grew closer and closer to daishou to the point she was spending almost every waking moment with him. and, as the story so goes, she fell for him, head over heels.

she knew it was a bad idea, if their friendship was anything to go off of but she didn’t care. she was desperate for love and physical affection and he seemed willing to at least give her the latter.

after she decided to confess, nerves all the way in her throat and a box of chocolates behind her back, daishou took her virginity in the back of his ford fusion, hard, fast and nothing like she’d imagined.

the next day, she’d cornered you in the library (where you always seemed to be) to tell you the good news. your face was unusually blank as she detailed the best night of her life to you, your response being less than stellar when she was done. “please be careful,” you had said.

what did that even mean? you clearly wanted to keep daishou safe from her which was ridiculous because weren’t you supposed to be her friend too? she’d stormed out of the library after that, determined to demand a kiss from daishou to make her feel better.

that day was one of the last that she’d see you for a while. you got caught up with clubs and schoolwork (and apparently therapy for god knows what) while she got caught up with daishou.

things with him weren’t... great. they never really were but things were getting even worse. his random bouts of silence got longer and though it was only freshman year and they’d been dating for less than 5 months, he’d meet with her after school with a hickey plastered on his collarbone that she knew she didn’t put there (she sucked even harder over the spot to claim it as her own).

as she said, things weren’t great but they weren’t horrible either. they remained that way all the way up until sophomore year.

you and her had drifted even further, hardly speaking to one another unless it was for a project or to vaguely greet one another in the halls. it was okay though. you had all your other friends and she... well she had daishou.

speaking of, her “boyfriend” had been more distant than usual. she wasn’t an idiot and she knew he’d been seeing other girls on the side, but she believed she would be the one he’d end up with, the one he’d marry.

how foolish she had been.

it was prom night and she felt beautiful. her beauty channel had finally begun picking up traction (she’d just hit 13k subscribers the night before!!) so she filmed a prom night makeup tutorial, making sure that every square inch of her face was perfect. donning a silky blue floor length dress, she felt like a princess and she certainly looked the part.

she showed up to daishou’s house about 30 minutes before the event, ringing his doorbell with an elated grin painted all over her face. he had mentioned in passing that his parents and older sister would be out for the weekend, leaving the house for themselves. that meant sex and sex meant being wanted.

after the third ring of the bell, she started to get nervous. maybe he wasn’t ready yet? maybe he needed help with his tie? just when she was about to wring the bell again, the door swung open to reveal daishou... not in his suit.

“oh, it’s you,” he’d grumbled. “‘m not goin’ to prom.” she felt her breath catch in her throat. she’d protested and begged for an explanation but he wouldn’t give one to her. eventually, she’d followed him into his house, furious because how could he do this to her? on her night?

it didn’t take very long for him to get fed up, his snake-like eyes honing in on her, filled with venom. “‘m not goin’ because i don’t like you anymore. you still look pretty though.”

just like that, with just a few words, he’d shattered her heart. she was frozen in place, completely disconnected from daishou, her love, as he not-so-gently pushed her out the door, slamming it in her face.

she felt tears stream down her cheeks and before she knew it, her legs were carrying her to a place she hadn’t been in months.

banging frantically on the door, she cried out, begging for someone, anyone to hear her. the door opened quickly and there you stood. you’d clearly been studying but as you took in her frazzled appearance, it seemed as though your heart broke.

you ushered her inside, sat her own the couch, and began to make her a cup of tea, your parents having been out for the night as well. once the kettle went off, you quickly prepped her drink and gave it to her, the words flowing out of her like liquid once she had taken a sip.

she didn’t know why she was even there but despite the animosity between the two of you, you seemed like you truly... cared. (neither of you mentioned the tears that stained your favorite t shirt or the quiet apologies you muttered into her hair).

that night quickly went and passed and by the next day, she was feeling rejuvenated and more like herself. however, that feeling quickly dissipated when she caught you in the hallway between classes speaking with daishou behind the stairwell in hushed tones.

within the span of a few hours, her heart had been broken twice and she was sure she’d never felt such heartache before.

she turned on her heel and darted away, avoiding your every attempt to talk to her for weeks and weeks until you just... stopped trying. after you’d cut off conversation, yet again, the sadness quickly festered and morphed into anger.

that anger only grew when she watched you graduate at the top of your class in your senior year, your smile blinding as you accepted your diploma. it only grew when she saw that you had made it into the university of your choice on your instagram story, her own rejection letter torn up in the bottom of her wastebin. it only grew when she saw you’d made your own youtube channel, her own going untouched and neglected (her last video had been a half-assed “get ready with me” that had more dislikes than likes due to her horrible makeup and even worse attitude).

soon enough, the rage had intensified until it had taken over her whole being. she was just so angry at all that you’d done to her, all the ways you’d ruined her life that she couldn’t keep herself from plotting your demise.

when she got the email from the hyper house management team that invited her into the house and offered the option that she could pick someone she wanted to move in as well, her anger turned into excitement.

this was her chance. this was her moment to turn your life into a living hell, to make it at least a fraction of what she went through by your hands.

she was going to make you pay and god, was it going to feel great.

the metal of the handcuffs chafed her wrists as she adjusted herself against the cool leather of the cruiser, the discomfort removing her from her reverie.

yeah, right. it seemed as though she was the only one “paying” right about now.

she tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling, tears filling her eyes but refusing to fall.

things definitely weren’t meant to turn out like this. not at all.

℗ poker face

not like this

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - OMFG THE BACKSTORY REVEALED I AM SO OVER IT >:(( this took me forever to write and i still wasn’t able to include everything i wanted to so hop over to my asks if you need any clarification!! oh oh && just a reminder, this playlist is from meiko’s perspective so chances are, things didn’t exactly go just like this wink wonk KAJS ANYWAYS DONT FORGET TO FEED ME ILY <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

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novamirmirsblog · 3 years

Text

FwB minor safe

THIS IS SAFE FOR MINORS. and by minors I mean 15+ cause there's still some kissy kissy and implied sex. AND SWEARING. Seriously tho, no under 15s reading this.

When you had first met Natasha, she hated you. Or at least that’s what it seemed like. She ignored you, refused to train with you, and when she did train with you, you always ended up in the medical bay, and she always, always had something to say when you came back from a mission. You had really hoped to at least had a friendly acquaintance with the other woman on the team. You always had Wanda but she was often pining after a certain red synthezoid. You only realised Natasha wanted to be friends when Clint let it slip that she was like a cat. He was clearly sick and tired of the two of you constantly fighting and wanted it to end. Or perhaps it was Steve who finally wanted it to stop. It didn’t really matter who because now you had a way in.

Your friend’s grandmother used to rescue stray cats and while Natasha certainly wasn’t a cat, you figured the same rules applied. First, you would make extra food when you knew she would be there, telling her there were leftovers if she wanted them but never pressuring her into eating with you. Then, you slowly began just sitting in the same room as her, always a distance away from her so as to not make her uncomfortable. Eventually she began to warm up to you, even going as far as letting you sit on the same sofa as her.

Things all changed one night when Natasha came back from a mission gone wrong. She had been given bad information and the data she was supposed to collect wasn’t there. She was pissed. Steve called you into the lounge and told you to stay out of her way if you valued your life. It made you slightly nervous. The two of you were friends but you weren’t that close. Not close enough to know for sure whether or not she would hurt you. Everyone retreated to their rooms and locked their doors, not wanting to be in the way of an angry Black Widow. Because that’s who was coming back. Black Widow, not Natasha Romanoff.

You couldn’t sleep that night so when you saw a figure enter your room, it scared you shitless. You grabbed the gun from under your pillow and pointed it at the figure.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“That’s kinky babe and maybe we should revisit that idea but right now I want to fuck you senseless.” Natasha - no the Black Widow’s voice spoke out in the dark. It was that kind of muffled sound that you only heard in the depths of the night when no one else was awake.

You lowered your gun but didn’t take the safety off. Just in case.

“There’s no need to be nervous darling. I’ve seen the way you act around me.” Natasha walked towards where you were on the bed, leaning down and lifting you by your chin up to her lips. “Just tell me to stop and I will.”

You moaned as Natasha’s lips connected to your neck, roughly sucking and biting her way to your collarbones. She leaned you back and wrapped a hand around your neck as she looked at you. Even in the darkness, you could see how black her pupils were and feel how heavy her breathing was.

“I need you to understand that this doesn’t change anything. We are still just friends.”

"I understand." You leant up to kiss her but she just laughed as she pushed you down and kissed you harder, leaving you alone once she had finished playing with you.

Nights like that became routine between the two of you. If either of you had a bad mission, or were just feeling lonely, you would end up in your bed. It was never Natasha's bed and most of the time Natasha was in control. Occasionally however, if you had a particularly bad mission or Natasha had seen unspeakable things, she would relinquish control and you would savour every minute of it. Perhaps if the two of you were dating, you would be able to have control more- no you couldn't think like that. It was a dark hole that you couldn't go down.

Somewhere between the rough nights and the friendly movie nights the two of you had, you had fallen for the fiery woman. Natasha made sure that you always remembered that it was just a 'friends with benefits' arrangement by never sleeping in your bed. It was a tricky balance for her though because she would cuddle you all the time during the day. It was almost as if she regretted sleeping with you.

The friendly flirting between the two of you drove the team absolutely crazy. It was like everyone except you two could see how perfect you were for each other. You just fit together. Yet whenever they asked either of you about it, you both denied it vehemently with a sad look in your eyes. The team had had enough. They were done with the two of you fucking, flirting and then crying yourselves to sleep when you both realised you didn't have the relationship you wanted.

It was Wanda's brilliant idea to have a game night. She had watched a sitcom where the characters played truth or dare and confessed their love for each other.

"I'm not so sure that will work witchy." Tony said after Wanda had finished explaining her plan. "Maybe we should play 7 minutes in heaven or spin the bottle."

"Why? How is that better than my plan? All they do is suck each other's faces off. We need them to admit their feelings for each other." Wanda stood up, slightly defensive over her plan.

"I...I think I have a better idea." Steve spoke up and everyone turned to look at him. "How about we kidnap Y/n? Y/n wont believe us if we tell her Natasha loves her and Natasha isn't going to admit it over a game of truth or dare. If we kidnap Y/n and stress Natasha out a little, then she might finally admit she loves Y/n."

The room was silent. "Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you" Clint muttered, causing the rest of the room to break out into a slightly nervous laughter.

"When's Y/n's next mission?"

~~~~~

You were sent out on a routine solo mission. It was something a lower level agent could have easily done but you were happy to get out and away from the compound for a bit. You loved your family but their constant questions about Natasha were getting too much. It was a constant reminder that you guys weren't in a relationship at all. The more you thought about it, the more you tried to convince yourself that a relationship wasn't even what you wanted. You had been on a few dates since your arrangement with Natasha had begun, mostly to throw her off the scent of your growing crush. However, when you returned from your failed date (because they always failed), Natasha was always there to fuck you hard and rough. Sure, she would leave it a few days, distancing herself as much as possible, sometimes completely ignoring you, but she would always come back. The mission was complete and you were making your way back to the Quinjet, too distracted in your thoughts of Natasha to realise someone was creeping up behind you. You were knocked out cold.

When you came to, you were in an abandoned warehouse, tied to a chair. It was all very James Bond like. You tried to look around, but everything seemed blurry.

"I can't believe you hit her so damn hard!" You heard a voice ring out.

"I didn't mean to! Oh my god she's going to kill me." A deeper voice, probably male, spoke.

The voices sounded kind of familiar but you couldn't work out where from.

"Natasha, we found her!" that was the last thing you heard before passing out again.

"I am going to murder whoever did this to you Y/n." Natasha told you as she carried you to medical. She refused to let anyone else touch you and didn't let you out of her sight for one second.

The usually fearless avengers all froze and turned slightly pale. They were 100% going to blame this all on Steve. If anyone had a chance of surviving the Black Widow, it was a super soldier and besides, it was Steve who had knocked you out. Bucky had told him not to use his shield to do it.

You awoke to find yourself in a hospital bed with a very concerned Natasha holding your hand. You gave it a little squeeze and smiled at her.

"Never ever ever do that again. Do you understand me? I thought I lost you..."

"It's okay Tash, I'm fine." In that moment it was so hard to remember that the two of you were just friends, that you would never be anything more than friends.

"Date me."

"What?" You were stunned and not completely sure you hadn't just hallucinated.

"I can't do this friends with benefits thing anymore. I know I was the one who said it was nothing more but I think I'm falling for you Y/n. Do you know why I was so distant with you to begin with?"

"Because you're a cat?"

Natasha smiled, she couldn't even bring herself to laugh she was so nervous. "No Y/n. It was because I really liked you. You walk into the compound all happy and beautiful and I dont know what to do. We would spar and I would get weird tingly feelings wherever you were touching me and it made me confused. I tried so hard to stay away from you but then you started leaving me food, or sitting with me, or trying to make jokes and I just couldn't stay away. When you didn't come back to me on time, I was so scared. I thought you were dead. When we found you..." She ran her hand through her hair, her other hand never letting go of yours. "The relief I felt nearly made me fall to my knees. I understand if this ruins our friendship but I really can't continue on just being your friend. I think... I think I love you." Natasha whispered that last part so quietly you almost missed it.

"I would love nothing more than to date you Natasha. I was so worried that I was reading too much into things and that my feelings were wrong and would ruin everything. It's why I dated other people for a bit."

"Well good. How about we-" Natasha was cut off by an announcement from F.R.I.D.A.Y.

"Considering agent y/l/n is up, Mr Stark request's both your presence in the lounge."

When the two of you made it to the lounge, hand in hand, they all clapped. Natasha scowled and held on tighter to your hand and you just laughed.

"Why did you call us here?" You asked

"Well, the thing is, we don't want to be murdered so we're really hoping you'll stop Natasha from doing anything drastic."

"What did you do." Natasha let out lowly, she knew you shouldn't be up and about, that it was better for you to rest until you were feeling completely better again so she wanted this over as quickly as possible.

"Well...-"

"IT WAS STEVE'S IDEA!" Wanda blurted out. "I just wanted to play truth or dare but nooo. Stars and Stripes over here wanted to make things all dramatic." Wanda waved her hands in the air.

"What was Steve's idea?" You asked, still a little slow on the uptake. Natasha wasn't though. You could feel her becoming tense and you held her hand a little tighter.

"...The kidnaping..." The team hung their heads in shame, trying to simultaneously look at their shoes and keep an eye on Natasha.

The room was completely silent before you burst out laughing. "You're kidding me? You actually kidnaped me just so Natasha would admit her feelings for me? Guys I'm dying." You wheezed as you tried to catch your breath from laughing so hard.

Natasha however, didn't find it nearly as funny.

"Natty, darling, it's fine. They did it because they care." You whispered into her ear, leading her out the room before someone could get easily injured. Getting blood out of carpets was a pain.

"Your days are numbered Super Soldier. I'm coming for you." she said, watching as Steve's face turned completely white before turning and leaving the room with you.

#natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha x reader #natasha x you #natasha x y/n #natasha romanov x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #black widow x female reader #black widow imagine #black widow x reader #black widow x you #black widow

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makiema · 3 years

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finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel.

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part:

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway, this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is:

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have:

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is:

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human.

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol.

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer)

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya.

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer.

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon.

#bsd #stormbringer #soukoku #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #bungou stray dogs #stormbringer spoilers #bsd meta #bsd analysis

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drkcnry67 · 2 years

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i thee finally wed...

A/N: this is part 2 of my d'artagnan x reader fic for @randomfandomimagine's 10k writing challenge... hope you enjoyed the first part cause this is gonna tie the story up in more ways than one... ps. sorry bout all the spelling, grammer, and punctuation errors... its been a rough few weeks.

pairing: D'Artagnan x reader...

prompts: ~"look, i know you might beat me up for saying this, but you're adorable." + romantic

summery: read part 1 here and see if you can guess what this one is about...

word count: 2,920

mentioning @sweetness47 @randomfandomimagine

2 weeks ago you said yes to the man who you loved secretly and silently for a long time. Now happily engaged you both set off to embark on one mission that is sure to change your life forever...

At the castle you and D'Artagnan are sitting in with the queen and treville going over a few details for your quick pressed engagement... The wedding in a week and a half and you guys were still at the bottom of the checklist...

Anne: yn, I have sent word to one of the nicest dress shops in town told them that I would pay handsomely for a beautiful dress for my personal assistant to get married in to be delivered a few days from now...

Treville: I've gone over with the cooks on what meals to prepare and given them a list... There will be samples of all the food brought to the garrison later...

Anne: and I took the liberty of sending word to the pope to get you a title D'Artagnan, I know neither of you have had the easiest lives, but working here in the palace as a musketeer and as my assistant certainly are too have some good meaning to what the pope says. It's not gonna be anything fancy, I mean I asked him if he would be willing to grant the title of count and countess to the heroes of the palace!

You looked at d’artagnan and smiled happily…both of you bowing to the queen before going to stand by the window, looking out at the world before you… the garden being set up for the reception that would take place in a week.

D’artagnan: i can’t believe its happening…

yn: do you know how unbearable it has been waiting for the right moment where it would just come out about my feelings not knowing if you felt the same way… not being able to say anything for fear of ruining the friendship…

d’artagnan: it was horrifying… it was like everyone could see it except us…

yn: but now we are together and not gonna waste anymore time… it is…

just then porthos comes through the door interuppting your thought.

porthos: its rochefort he wants to meet with yn the hero of the council meeting… his words not mine… he is insisting that she come alone to the center of the maze immediately…

d’artagnan: absolutely not

you had to put your hand on his chest as he pulled you into his embrace to keep you in one place…

anne: cant we send someone to keep an eye on her…

porthos: well thats kinda why treville sent me… i can climb into a tree near by overlooking the center of the maze to keep an eye on her while she meets with him..

You take a step back from D'Artagnan, and look at him with a small smile.

Yn: my love dont worry you taught me well, plus with porthos in the tree im not gonna be in any danger…

before you could continue to speak, you were interupted…

d’artagnan: but what about distancing yourself from him…

porthos comes up and puts his hand on d’artagnan’s shoulder which makes d’artagnan turn to face his friend…

porthos: he wont get close enough to even touch her… i have a plan but it will require the use of your spare blade d’artagnan… as well as a well crafted trap waiting for him upon exit from the maze and if things go sideways ill jump down from the tree and meet you guys on the other end… this is the only way you and yn can truly have your happy ending as well as find out why rochefort would have a vendetta with the king and queen, why he would hire that page boy who died cause of him and his motives…

By the time porthos and D'Artagnan were done talking you were already outside headed for the garden…

Anne: before you boys go yn told me something her own plan to get him to confess.. yes your plan still works but yn twiked it… she didnt want either of you to get hurt… so she said she was going to finish this once and for all no matter the cost.

Neither d’artagnan and porthos waited for the rest of backup they went out to try to stop you… but got there too late… you were already in the maze talking to rochefort… from the look of things, they are going well but things dont last as good as they appear.

Rochefort: I'm still very surprised you came without some form of hidden escort… I assume then that your fiance doesn't know you are here…

Yn: no he doesn't but I must too know why would you hire a page boy whose innocent in all his rights to poison the king and queen… I'm very very curious, I mean that being we are both the consults to their Majesties and it's not nice to akill them out in the open like that… I also will note that the musketeers all saw you slip out of the room before the goblet did it's work to me…

Rochefort: then how are you…

Yn: Aramis and the castle doctor made a remedy to cure all poisons… now your turn to answer the question… WHY DID YOU FORCE THAT POOR PAGE BOY TO DO YOUR DIRTY WORK???

Rochefort: because I am sick and tired of being rejected by the queen and every other lady in this damn castle I figured if at least one or both of them drank the poison it would take care of all my issues…

Yn: so you forced an innocent boy to do your dirty work and this is the reason for it… because the queen wouldnt reciprocate your feelings. Is that it… do not think that this wont leave this maze and find its way into the hands of their majesties and you will be executed on site for the attempted murder of the king, the queen and me… is that really what you want or…

Rochefort was now behind you holding you tight with his hand to your throat… you felt his grip tightening, your breathing struggling… porthos and d’artagnan being the loving people they are waited for any signs of your coming out of the maze…

Rochefort: feel that, that your breathing slowing down, thats your lungs shutting down, that is your own lifeforce shutting down… your precious musketeers havent trained you well at all… your own fiance doesnt even care enough to try and interrupt our little meeting… i guess you will die before your wedding date even arrives… what a shame… maybe ill blame the poor gardener… you know those rose bushes need to be better maintained…

That was all he managed to get out before you stepped on his foot, gasping to the air that you now had flowing freely through your lungs once more, you ran through the maze and let out a very very strange sound… it was raspy and sounded like a dying rooster greeting the morning… you collapsed on the wrong side of the maze, your body hitting the ground like a bat out of hell… well something rather hitting the wall… you could hear footsteps approaching you, voices shouting… and then rochefort held his sword to your throat as the musketeers and the kings guard and the king and queen themselves all got to the party…

Louie: Rochefort, put down the sword and come quietly and I can promise you a quick death.

Rochefort: we don't need these formalities, after I kill this twirp, I'll kill you, then I'll finally bed the queen like I always dreamed of, and you guys will be answering to me as the new King…

Rochefort bringing his sword up and starting to bring it towards you now stopped just inches before your face as a gunshot is heard Loud and clear…

Suddenly familiar hands pulled you away from the falling body… you were now safe in the arms of the man you were long over due to marry… D’artagnan ushers you back inside the castle and to the safe room, the quarters the queen uses for privacy… he sits you on the closest day bed, and brings you a glass of water…

D’artagnan: that was both incredibly brave and incredibly stupid… i am very proud of you, but when the queen had told us of what you were doing porthos and i figured we should loop in the others and the king… thats why we were all there when you were held at sword point…

Yn: who pulled the trigger?

D’artagnan: athos… as the only officer who didnt have the look of concern and shock on his face he pulled the trigger figuring that either me or porthos would snap out of it long enough to pull you out before his collapsing body could crush you…

Yn: dont freak out and know that there was no way i could have avoided this from happening but he kinda grasped my neck tight, like it feels like there might be swelling or at the very least a bit of bruising…

D’artagnan adjusts his position to better look at you…

D’artagnan: can i take a look?

At that moment there is a guard that comes in and announces aramis, the king, the queen, athos, constance, porthos, the popes emissary and captain treville… aramis comes over to where you and d’artagnan are sitting…

Yn: aramis…

Aramis: yn, may i instead apply some medicine to your neck… it is going to make you feel alot better later on… please lay your head in d’artagnan’s lap and hold very still as you try to tilt back as far as possible, if nothing else just tilt back enough so your neck is semi straight, ill prepare the medicine then i think there are some people who wish to speak to you…

Yo do as aramis says but wince slightly as he begins to apply the medicine, but d’artagnan’s fingers running through your hair was the only thing keeping you from moving in that moment… once aramis was finished you were allowed to sit up… but you continued to lean against d’artagnan till constance approached first…

You stood up for that hug, you wouldnt had it any other way…

Constance: remind me again why you decided to be all noble and heroic?

Yn: cause i was sick and tired of watching that creep try to hurt my friends and family for once in my life i was not going to risk him spoiling my wedding… not with how much stuff we went through to get to this point… d’artagnan, my love and everyone else in this room i want to move the wedding date up… i mean we can do a bit of a bigger wedding at a later date but right now i want to not waste any more time…

Once you were done hugging constance again, you and d’artagnan were approached by the popes emissary. Both you and d’artagnan bowed and addressed the emissary correctly…

Rholin: as soon as we received the queens letter, the pope and i talked it over, he had me draw up these papers all which bare his signature and state that you D’artagnan of the kings musketeers may continue your duties to serve the king as a musketeer but shall have the title of count, which comes with an estate close by.. I'll have those papers delivered to you guys on your wedding day but to everyone here it is my highest honor in the sight of God and these witnesses, to precide over the signing of these documents… you both shall be supreme in all you do in and out of the court…

You and D'Artagnan signed the papers, shoke hands with the emissary, and were greeted by the queen and kings approach…

Anne: rholin, is it possible to marry these 2 before your stay is done… so like in 3 days?

Rholin: is that do able for the count and countess…

You and d’artagnan look at eachother a moment and then d’artagnan speaks with the upmost eagerness…

D’artagnan: can we speak privately a few moments?

You shake your head before speaking up…

Yn: we dont need to speak alone… the sooner the better, besides we are way passed over due to be wed…

*time skip, you, the queen and constance met with the dress designer the next day… to finally choose your dress… well turned out the dress that the queen had asked the designer to make was finished… you were absolutely in love with it… the corset, the silk, off the shoulder, flowy sleeves, the flowy ankle length dress in a light pink color, the corset lace in black with a red satin ribbon to tie the corset. D’artagnan and you parting ways that night, after a meaning ful dinner and chat, some making out but nothing major… agreeing to see eachother at the alter. D’artagnan also agreed to move your stuff from constance’s to the garrison as you were staying at the castle within the private room that night and the next… with constance and guards around there would be no funny business… that next night, the eve before your wedding is where we go to now…*

Constance: are you sure that you want to wing your vows… i mean shouldnt you at least have it on paper?

Yn: im sure constance besides im counting on you to have it all memorized when i say it so it can be put into a scroll and mounted somewhere. As with what d’artagnan says as well…

Constance: now now, no talk like whatever you were about to say… sleep is vitally important, for tomorrow you marry your best friend…

With that you and constance curled up like 2 friends at a sleepover and fell asleep… meanwhile d’artagnan and athos were having a kinda odd conversation… but all matters aside they wound up going to bed, with d’artagnan’s thoughts only on the next day, your wedding day, the day he never thought would arrive.

Now that day was here, you and constance along with the queen were getting eachother ready for the day… but all you could do was think about d’artagnan and how tonight you would sleep side by side as husband and wife.

D’artagnan, treville, athos, porthos, aramis all standing in the garden, the king approaches them with the pope’s emissary… conversation ensues, but treville soon excuses himself to go find you… treville knocks and lets himself in…

Treville: my goodness… yn, you look stunning. D’artagnan is a lucky man indeed… i wanted to let you girls know that they are ready when you are… and yn, d’artagnan says that he is very excited to see you come down that aisle…

Yn: thank you captain treville, i also have a message for him… will you please tell him that today is the greatest day of my life and im the luckiest girl in the entire kingdom and that i will be coming down that aisle shortly…

Treville bows out gracefully as you stand by the window over looking the garden able to kinda see the festivities below. Long story short, you went down to the entrance of the aisle where the queen and constance went ahead of you, queuing the band to start playing…

the first glance between you and d’artagnan after not seeing eachother for 30 hours, that look was captured by a photographer..

after a nice set of vows, some words by the pastor, the declaration went something like this:

rholin: i need you both to affirm your marriage in front of these witnesses...

yn: i thee finally wed D'artagnan for the rest of my life.

d'artagnan: i thee finally wed YN for the rest of my life.

rholin: i now pronounce you husband and wife. d'artagnan you may kiss the bride...

d'artagnan cupped your cheeks and kissed you passionately.. the crowd however small it was cheered.

rholin: may i introduce for the first time Count and Countess D'artagnan and YN...

the crowd continued to cheer, as you and d'artagnan just rested your foreheads against eachother.

The look on your face, the look on his face, the first kiss as husband and wife. The first dance. The signing of documents. The escort to the estate on the outskirts of the castle grounds…

You and d’artagnan went inside and christened so to speak the entire lower half of the house. Falling asleep in one of the spare bedrooms on the main floor…

waking up the next morning you open your eyes to see the still sleeping face of your husband, you reach up to move a piece of hair from his eyes.

D'Artagnan opens his eyes slightly, and moves kissing you And smiles as he pulls back.

D'Artagnan: good morning wife

Yn: good morning husband

D'Artagnan: look, I know you might beat me up for saying this, but you're adorable.

Yn: why would I beat you up my dear husband, I love hearing these sweet comments from you.

D'Artagnan kinda pulls you closer his hand on your waist.

D'Artagnan: what do you want to do today?

Yn:I say we Christen this bed further, then Christen every room in this estate and happily be the count and countess we are meant to be

That's that, the kissing and passion ensued, making this the best time of your life.

#musketeers #d'artagnan #followers celebration

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justwonder113 · 3 years

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Hey first of all, I have to say that I adore your work. You have absolutely amazing fantasy and writing skill so I thought would u mind writing a scenario where Y/N and Iwaizumi have to break up even though they dont want it. I mean like they love each other but there are some circumstances that makes them to break up. Like I need a real angst without a happy ending.... I know I'm depressed.

First of all, thank you so much for requesting and saying all these sweet things. I would literally hug you if I saw you. Please note that you are an amazing human being and deserve all the best. Please take care of yourself. And whenever you feel like you want to talk to someone note that I'm always there for you. I really hope you like it^^

Iwaizumi x Reader-Let's be greedy for tonight

word count"2k (my hands slipped)

WARNING: Angst, break-up themes, heartbreak, Iwa and reader break up because they have their own thing going on, pragmatic reader who's more mission oriented than emotional.. fluff if you squint

Honestly you didn't even understand how you got here. Everything was just fine few days ago. How did everything go to this? Where did everything take the wrong turn?

Just a few days ago you were comforting him because of the loss against Karasuno. You spent the whole night together just holding each other close but now.... It felt like that there was this huge gap between you and none of you knew how to get over it. This wasn't supposed to be a sad thing, both of you were supposed to be happy, wasn't this what you wanted?

You and Iwaizumi had one of the best relationships. He was the most amazing partner and companion you could ever ask for. He was the most supportive, loyal and kind person you have ever met. No wonder you fell for him even thought you were sure you wouldn't fall in love with anyone.

Honestly, you had nothing against love, but because you had set your priorities straight from the young age there was no physical room for it. You had your goals and you wanted to achieve them more than anything, you were determined to make your life as meaningful and as perfect as you could. Getting in a relationship would be nothing more than a distraction, it could ruin everything you worked so hard for up to this day and you were not willing to risk it.

Iwaizumi was on the same boat. He had his priorities straight and knew what he wanted in life and what was needed in order to achieve it. Especially now that he realized that in order to achieve his goals he needed to go to California to study. Your paths would part and there was no denying, both of you knew that long distance relationships didn't work and that it would only drag you down.

None of you planned to get in this relationship, both of you knew that this was inevitable. Both of you knew that you two were not meant to be.But why did it hurt so much? You knew that you would have to eventually break up with him, why did it hurt so much knowing that you could no longer see him, talk to him and hold him and be held by him?! Why did it hurt so much knowing that you would no longer have a chance to just be free with him? Why did he have to become your anchor? Why did he have to make you feel so good about everything?

You would never even think that you two would date. At first you were intimidated by him, he looked kind of hot headed and rough so you thought it would be better to avoid him. But as the time went by you got to know him more and more and started to respect him more and more. What was there not to respect and like? He was on top of everything and instead of being rough and all he was in fact really polite and a very caring person.

You got to know him more and more when you had to sit next to him after his seatmate asked to trade places with him because he couldn't see board well and you agreed. You rarely talked but you were on good grounds with him.

Your friendship deepened when he saw that you were having trouble understanding one of the subjects and spent most of his free time helping you understand it, you were sure he would stay for more but his friend, Oikawa interrupted you saying he had to come to practice. When Oikawa saw you he immediately bombarded you with all kinds of questions. You didn't get why got him interested but didn't say anything and tried to answer his questions, that day you got invited to attend one of their practices. Iwaizumi tried to explain that if you decided that you didn't want to it would be completely fine but you promised you would attend one of their practices for sure. Both of the boys smiled at you sweetly and them said their goodbyes. You didn't even know why you agreed, you just answered without even thinking.

Thinking about it the day you actually went and saw one of their practices may have been the day you started to see him in different light. They had a practice match against some college team, the game was so captivating you couldn't look away. And both Iwaizumi and Oikawa were so amazing! The whole team was really good but you didn't really know any other playing members, though some of the faces were familiar. You were sure that they were going to win but suddenly Oikawa's apparently injured knee started acting up, Iwaizumi was immediately by his side, you hadn't even noticed if anything was different but it certainly didn't pass by Iwaizumi's eyes. You were amazed that he saw the slightest change in his friend's demeanor and immediately called out to him. He helped him out of the court and bought to him water and cooling pads. You were watching with astonishment written all over your face.

Since that day you started talking to him more and more, at first you were asking how was Oikawa because you felt awkward that you didn't even knew how to approach him and start up conversations. You felt this sudden urge to talk to him all the times, you felt like knowing more and more about him, you just wanted to get close to him. You were trying so hard to get his attention. Thankfully you two got close to each other and started hanging out more and more. He would invite you to his practices and then would never fail to walk you home.

He was always willing to listen to anything you had to say, and was always there to support and be there for you. He remembered all the small things about you and always made sure you were feeling good first. You couldn't even count how many times and in how many ways he has helped you out. You just hoped you were for him the same way at least remotely close. He was like an iron wall, nothing seemed to get past him, he was always the strong one, the one in control, but he would sometimes let his guard down and let his true thoughts out. You knew it was hard to him, it was same to you. You just hoped you were helping him in any way whenever he opened up.

You actually got together on the beginning of your second year, when you got into an argument with him. He was feeling extra grumpy and insecure after he saw that you were all friendly with Oikawa somehow and at some point he let out his biggest insecurity while grumbling and told you that you, like many others, only were with him to get close to Oikawa. When you asked why did he bring that he simply answered that all you did talk about was him and somehow it offend you so much you just looked at him for a second and next thing you know is that you're confessing while yelling that he's a dumbass that the only one you like is him.

That's how you came clean with your feelings both to yourself and Iwaizumi. The next five minutes were kind of really adorable and awkward as hell, well maybe four because first minute was definitely spent on making out with each other. And damn your first kiss would be memorable as hell.

Looking back on everything you went through all these almost two years you were devastated that you had to leave each other. And it devastated you that after all these both of you had trouble even speaking to each other. It's been an hour and neither of you had said anything. You just lied there in complete silence, just your fingers barely grazing each other from time to time. You knew one of you had to break the silence, one of you had to say anything.

"I'm leaving in two days, I packed most of the things I will just have to go over some stuff tomorrow." Iwaizumi sighed as he massaged the bridge of his nose. This was the first thing he has said since forever. You turned to him to admire him for the last time. Were you going to be fine without him? Lately everything was so blurry in your life, you were not sure if you knew everything was worth it anymore.

You broke the silence and decided to come clean"I'm proud of you, I want you to know that. I'm sad that we have to break up, even though I really didn't plan it I'm in love with you, deeply, but I'm also so proud and happy for you. You're going to do amazing things in life I just know it. Don't be sad about the break up, we knew what we were getting at when we started going out... I don't want to let go but you know it's for better." You smiled at him and put your hand on top of his and he held it so tightly it made you feel at ease.

Iwaizumi straightened up and hugged you tight snuggling his face against your neck. "Thanks love, I really needed to hear that." He took a deep breath, "I don't want to break up with you too. I really love you. You have been the most amazing partner I could ever ask for. I know I'm no good with words and forgive me if I sound too cliche, but damn I am as sure that you will achieve everything you set your eyes on, as a fact that the sky is blue. You're most determined and hardworking person I have ever met, and it pains me that you don't see all these amazing stuff about yourself. You're amazing, you're strong, beautiful and really intelligent. Don't forget it just because I won't be able to remind you it as often as possible." He kissed your neck lighly.

You let out a quiet huff of laugher and snuggled better against him, you could feel your eyes watering up. "That's quite hypocrite of you Iwa, I can tell you the same you know. You need to see more that you're just as amazing and competent if not more. Promise that you won't forgetting either." You whispered quietly.

"I promise. God I'm going to miss you so much!" If it were possible he bought you even closer and started peppering your face with kisses making you giggle.

"God you're getting so sappy, I'm barely recognizing you." You teased which resulted in you getting pinched on sides.

"I'm not the one crying." He said without even missing a beat.

"My eyes are just misty, don't flatter yourself." You lied but was there a point the tears were streaming down on your face.

"Oh shut up smartass." He rolled his eyes making you smirk.

"Make me!" He grumbled and sealed your lips in a kiss, making you shut up and melt against him in a second. The kiss was passionate, full of love and desperate at the same time. Your lips spoke all the words you couldn't pronounce for you, and it bought momentary comfort to both of you, you were terrified of when you had to pull back and face reality again.

"Can you stay with me tonight? I don't think I'm ready to let go yet. I want to be greedy and hold you like you're still mine, it's dumb I know it will only hurt me more but please," You mumbled against his lips, drunk with the pleasure, he only nodded and continued kissing you."

That night you lied in each others arms, feeling content and terrified of the tommorrow. Neither of you let go of the other for the whole night, afraid to lose the other. Maybe the novels were right and you also were lovers who were right for each other and maybe there was a possibility of soulmates existing but unfortunately for you it wasn't a good time. And when the sun would rise everything would end, your perfect paradise would disappear and you would have to start a new page of your life.

Maybe you would meet in the future and maybe there was a tiny possibility that both of you could hit it off then the time was better and both of you were at least merely satisfied with your achievements in life. But you were not naive enough to hope on that. Both of you knew that you would have to let go of each other but now you were feeling greedy and wanted to make your last nigh with him being completely engulfed in each other. Just for tonight you would be greedy and selfish just so you could feel at least a bit more at ease before completely breaking your heart.

So this is it love I really hope you will like it, feel free to tell me if you have another request or just talk lol. Tell me if you have any comments about it or would like to change anything about it too.

Lots of love and please take care of yourself!!!

PS, I didn’t really proof read it so if there’s any mistakes please bare with me I will edit it as soon as I can^^

#iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi angst #haikyuu angst #haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst to fluff #Requests #hq imagines #hq x reader #hq x you #haikyuu x y/n #hq #haikyuu!!#angst #oneshot #haikyuu fanfiction

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batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years

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yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

#i love all of you guys so much thanks for all these asks #some of these are literally from march but fuck it #the day tumblr puts dates next to anon messages is the day i close my inbox crawl into a hole and die #it's such a basic task to answer asks but i don't want to bother anyone with asks clogging up their timeline #and if i don't have a funny or good answer i'm like 'uhh okay won't answer it now then'#so this is for you #also i deleted a few asks because it gives me mental pain to see my inbox go over 50 and it's almost at 100 #i was complaining about having too many asks to the-real-peter-parker like months ago and then i had 45 asks in my inbox #now it's amassed to going over 100 twice #but no i love all of you and you're great and you're all fantastic and i lvoe you #muchos kiss kiss #kiss kiss for my kiddies lvoe you #invincible spoilers #dc #dcu #dc comics #ask #anon #bataranswers #i really wanna try aguapanela now i'm gonna see if i can find panela somewhere and review it for you babes #uh yeah that's it #muchos gracias for all your questions babes

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