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a-sexy-asexual-658 · 2 years

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The Twin Sister (Part 7)

Summary : (Y/N) Foster is the twin sister of Sophie foster. She's known as a crack head 'female Keefe Sencen' but what happens when Forkle could only carry two people at a time when the neverseen kidnapped her Sophie and Dex and had to leave her behind? What happens when he went back for her and it was too late? What happens when they raided a neverseen base only to find her bloodied and tortured? What happens when they find out she isn't the (Y/N) they all know and love anymore?

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"He's a Mesmer," Marella told Sophie at lunch and that caught my attention. Sophie had asked what Grady's ability was and I was just playing with my Rubik's cube, I had some pretty interesting stuff when we were packing. Marella asked what it was and I just told her, but when she asked to touch it I hissed at her and scooted away, it's mine! Anyway back to the whole mesmer thing.

"What's a mesmer?" I asked and she looked at me.

"Wow you really don't know anything do you?" she asked and I gasped, how dare she!? "I'm just teasing—sheesh. A Mesmer can put you in a trance and make you do anything they want while you're in it. It's rare. Not as rare as inflicting, but close." Stars filled my eyes. So. Fucking. COOL!! How can Grady be ashamed of that? It's so cool!! Wait what's inflicting?

"And inflicting is . . . . . ?" Sophie asked, reading my mind. Not actually- wait maybe she did. I gave Sophie a skeptical stare and she rolled her eyes. "I didn't (Y/N), your just predictable." I gasped in mock hurt and was just ignored.

" When someone makes you feel things. Makes you laugh, makes you cry, causes you incredible pain—whatever they want. It's extremely rare. I only know of one, and he's on the Council. But there might be another. Your history Mentor would know." Marella answered the question and I just tuned out the rest of their conversation, I had already got my questions answered. Also inflicting, AWSOME!! So so many good abilities. I kept thinking about what other cool abilities elves could have while humming the current song going through my head suddenly Marella opened something that smelt sweet and like strawberries.

"Want some?" She asked us and as Sophie shook her head but I nodded, I grabbed two from the box she passed me and took a bite. It tasted like sweet strawberries covered or more like soaked in chocolate. I made a noise of satisfaction and Marella giggled. "Yeah, they are good." We continued to munch on them as the subject drifted to our next session.

"What's your next session, (N/N)?" Sophie asked as I wiped my mouth with the sleeve of my jacket. The teachers had only bothered me once about my outfit choices but then my sweet loving sister came to the rescue spouting stuff about not actually defying the dress code. Something about capes and leggings not being required. Whatever.

"Healing," I answered her question and she hummed while Marella looked at me confused.

"Healing? That's not a subject."

"Yeah well, it is now. I study healing and stuff with the school physician Elwin." I said and she hummed. Soon the bell rang and we all separated to go to class, I headed to the healing center only to walk in on Elwin pulling a rack full of doctor robes with animal prints all over them. When he saw me he let go and turned to me with a smile while putting his hands on his hips.

"There you are!" He said then pointed to the rack. "Pick one, I'm teaching you how to brew some serums today." He said and I nodded. I put my bag on one of the hooks on the wall that held Elwin's jacket and bag. I took off my jacket and hung it as well as I ran over to the rack. I picked a blue one that had a bunch of reptile-like animals on it as Elwin led me to the back. He showed me how to set everything up and what everything was. "Ok, you start with adding a full vile of ******** " Que me picking it up and pouring it in. "And then you add a few dashes of *******" It continued like this for about an hour with Elwin showing me how to measure things and how to make it. Just as we finished it we heard someone walk in, Elwin walked out to see who it was as I put away all the empty stuff.

"Sophie?" I heard Elwin ask. "I figured I'd have to drag you back here to check up on you." I walked out and saw Sophie with a male version of Marella. (you can't deny it, they both have blonde hair and ice blue eyes) Does everyone have an opposite gender look alike? Ohh I wonder if I have one.

"I know," she said as I walked over to stand next to Elwin. "I have a tiny burn I need you to treat—no big deal."

"Well, let me check it out." As he went to walk over Bullhorn hissed and scurried across the floor. "Don't mind Bullhorn," Elwin said as Sophie backed against the door. "He's harmless."

At that second Bullhorn looked like a demented ferret with beady purple eyes, probably scaring Sophie as I just giggled. "What is he?" Sophie asked as I walked over and took her hand to look at the wound.

"A banshee. Adorable, isn't he?"

"Uh, sure." Bullhorn snapped at her ankles. The boy laughed and I suppressed a giggle.

"What brings you here today, Keefe?" Elwin asked, huh so this is the famous Keefe Sencen. Thought he'd look hotter honestly, hmm he looks familiar but from wear?

"Just helping a fellow prodigy, sir."

Elwin grinned. "I notice you've had to miss your session to do it."

"I know. Such a shame." He sighed dramatically. "But Sophie needed help, so what could I do?"

"What, indeed? And I suppose you'll be wanting a pass to excuse you."

"What a good idea."

"You always have been one to seize an opportunity." Elwin handed Keefe a slip of paper. "Session won't be over for another half hour, so I'd walk slow if I were you."

"Oh, I can't leave yet—not until I know Sophie will be okay." Elwin just hummed then turned to me.

"What do you see, kiddo."

"Red," I said with a blank expression. He only looked at me.

"Not what I meant." I hummed.

"It's a burn." I then raised Sophie's hand then sniffed it. My nose crinkled and I coughed. "It's a chemical one," I said and Elwin walked over to take a look. He flashed a blue orb around her hand and put his glasses on.

"It's an acid burn, close, it's easy to mix them up. I hadn't taught you about how to tell different burns yet, how did you know?" Elwin asked. A crooked grin split across my face as I stuffed my hands in the pockets of the animal sweater I was wearing and leaned back against the door frame behind me.

"Do enough pranks and you pick up a thing or two," I said and Keefe cracked up.

"You do pranks?" He said with a smile and I nodded.

"Yup. Your talking to the best prankster bad girl." I said with pride and a flip of my hair while he smirk taking a step toward me.

"Well, you're talking the best prankster, bad boy."

"Oh?" I mocked and we could hear Sophie groaning about 'having to deal with another idiot' while Elwin only laughed and led her away to treat her burn. Me and Keefe started to brag to each other about our pranks and reputations, and in the end, we planned to meet up and ditch study hall so that I can finally explore the school and he said he would show me all the best pranking and ditching spots now that we were 'prankster partners' as he put it. All though we did agree if we were ever caught it was every elf for themselves.

Well, the tour went extremely well and we are now lounging at the most hidden ditching spot as we ate a plate of butterblasts each that we had stolen from the mentors' cafeteria. I kept giggling and munching as Keefe told stories and made jokes.

"So how 'bout you, what was your greatest prank?"

"Ha no. You ain't spilling the beans on the Great Gulon Incident so I ain't spilling them on the Great Nitrocellulose Catastrophe." He gasped in exaggeration.

"Pwease!" He tried with a baby voice and a pouting face, the voice was annoying.

"Nope, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!" As I broke out into a witch cackle he pouted and tried to steal the rest of my butterblasts. I saw his hand reaching for them and snatched it, bringing it behind his back forcing him into a painful arm lock twist thing I learned in the underground ring- I mean martial arts class.

"Ow owowowow let go!!" He wined and I let go with a sheepish smile.

"Sorry," I said scratching my neck with a smile, FYI I wasn't sorry. No one takes my sweets, no one.

"It's fine—but how'd you do that?" he asked with curiosity and I grinned with pride.

"Self-defense classes, my human parents made me take them when we became literal children in high school. Although I was told to only use them when . . . . . people popped up." I said going stone cold when I said, people. Anyway, it was half the truth, I started taking martial arts when I was a kid but my parents only let me use it on those people, and they still don't know about the whole underground boxing thing.

"What people?" Keefe asked the dreadful question.

". . . . . . . . r@p!sts and assaulters." I said hesitantly. (I'm not comfortable saying that word, disgusting beings)

"What are r@p!sts?" Oh, bless his innocent soul. I softly put my hand on his shoulder and looked at him with a soft yet concerned face, which made him panic.

"It's better you don't know, save what little innocence you have left," I said then ate my last butterblast, got up, and left. Leaving him on the floor panicked and confused.

"Wait- What!?" I heard him yell behind me but I just left.

~A week later ~

Before we knew it Sophie's 'Great Cape Destruction' and the pranks that I pulled with Keefe in the next few days blew up and we suddenly became popular. Even I was overwhelmed because I was the type of popular where everyone hated me not the type where everyone wanted to be our friend. Soon people were asking us to sit with them and be friends and when Grady heard he seemed relieved. Sophie said it was because the more we fit in the harder it would be for Bronte to expel us- err her, I keep forgetting he said yes to me. Just used to me and Sophie getting the same response to everything I guess.

Me and Sophie kept sitting with Marella and Dex though, but sometimes Bianna pulled me away to go sit with her. Though for some reason she never let Sophie come, weird. Oh well, Marella wasn't happy about me sitting with them sometimes at first but when I came back to her with all the latest tea and gossip at their table she quickly threw that grudge way. And Dex being the loveable best friend he is didn't care.

I kept ditching classes yet passing them all the time, well except for alchemy and history, those were hard. But let's ignore all my flaws and talk about how I'm hot and perfect. My title of 'female Keefe Sencen' has been proven true but when I started disliking it Keefe - although laughed first- help me change it to 'hot prankster bad girl' although Keefe kept leaning to 'bad girl supreme' but I said no remembering all the times he referred to himself as ' bad boy supreme'. Also unfortunately what came with popular and my hot self was simping boys just like Keefe had simping girls.

Right now we were online for the leap master with me zoned out thinking about the next prank I should pull when I saw Sophie turn red. Protective sis mode activated. I looked around for the one who made her turn red and saw Dex also red. I deadpanned, you got to be kidding me. I pushed them five feet away from each other and gave them both a glare.

"What?" They asked at the same time.

"Both of you five feet away from your crush, you might not like Dex but it's clear he likes you," I said flatly and they both turned red. And for the 'both of you' part yes I'm protective of both of them deal with it.

"I-I don't like her like that!"

"Yeah sure and I'm straight."

~Later~

It was a long day at work today and by a long day, I meant at least five Karens showed up. So ya know how humans get Karen's like once a week or month? Yeah well, we get them practically every day because Kesler and Juline the owners of the shop are a bad match. It was funny at first but just got exhausting. When I walked inside my back was slumped and I was dragging my feet. As I walked past the dining room to get to the stairs Grady saw me from his spot eating at the table and laughed at my state.

"Long day?"

"Five whores- I mean five Karens." I corrected myself when Grady narrowed his eyes. Yeah, they've been trying to get rid of my habit of cursing by making me stop doing it at havenfeild.

"Hmm, I'll let it pass this time since your practically dead." Sophie then looked at me with a smirk.

"Friendly reminder, you wanted the job."

"Fudge you." Fortunately for me and not Grady and Edaline, they can't stop me from food cursing because technically I'm not saying a bad word. I went upstairs and took a shower, got into my animal onesie then fed Stinky. I went downstairs and Edaline conjured me a plate, as I started to eat my mind started to clear and I finally noticed the cute little animal in the cage across the table from me.

"Aww now, what's that cute little thing!"

"Wow you barely have enough energy to put food in your mouth but you have enough to gush over animals."

"Shut it I always have energy for animals and your lucky I'm even eating." Silence. Yeah, I'm not suicidal but everyone keeps saying I am. I mean yes I say suicidal things, and do things that indicate that I am but I'm not. I'm just careless with my life- wait that came out wrong!! "I'm not suicidal." I finally broke the silence and got out of my thoughts.

"Yes, you are!" Sophie yelled at me. Silence.

" . . . . . . so what is he?"

"An imp and his name is Iggy."

"Wow, how original."

"Says the one that named her muskog Stinky." I slammed my hands on the table.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!" Que me and Sophie arguing about which pet is better and Grady and Edaline sharing a smile at the scene that went unnoticed by us.

That night Edaline had brought Sophie to her room to help settle Iggy in but frowned when she saw the room looked like Sophie hadn't spent even one night in it. Me and Sophie started to sweat, Grady and Edaline still didn't know that Sophie had been sleeping in my room and we were afraid they would think we were weird if they knew. She turned to us and asked the dreaded question.

"Have you not been sleeping in your room?" As I tried to come up with a response Sophie came clean.

"No, I've been sleeping in (Y/N)'s. We've always shared a bed and room since we were little kids. It's more of a comfort thing now and we tried not to but when we did we got anxious, had nightmares, and couldn't sleep. Sorry if it's weird." It took a long agonizing minute for Edaline to respond but when she did she just had a soft smile on her face.

"It's fine, why don't we bring Iggy up to (Y/N)'s room." She said and we went upstairs and what Sophie said was true. We have tried sleeping separately but it never worked. Anyways we went to sleep that night with a snoring Iggy in his cage which was placed on my desk.

~The Next Day~

"Who's ready for the ultimate splotching challenge." A mentor said at gym class the next morning. I was confused and looked at Dex and he explained what it was. So I get to through goo in people's faces and not get in trouble? SCORE!! And if I win I get a detention pass. As I was about to go look for Stina, oh I could imagine the look on her face, someone grabbed my arm.

"Hey, partner!" Said a masculine voice and when I turned I was met with ice blue eyes.

"Hey, Keefe!" We spoke for a bit then walked up and I grabbed a red splocher. I grinned at Keefe with a wicked evil glint in my eye. "Don't worry I'll aim for the hair, maybe then you'll look like a real kid with daddy issues." He gasped in horror as his hands flew to his head.

"NOT THE HAIR!!!!!" He yelled although it sounded more like a squeak. I've had this sinking feeling he had daddy issues, mostly cause of how he acts, and I joked around about it a bit but I never really lunged into it because well we've only known each other for like two weeks. Remember lines, people, lines. Never cross them, the person might just hate you the rest of your life.

We stood across from each other and I hovered the splotch in front of us and as the coach yelled splotch it just stayed there. I decided to not do anything but hold it for a few seconds to test the waters but it only moved a few inches toward me and I watched as Keefe started to sweat a bit and crease his eyebrow. As everyone looked our way I acted like I forgot to push.

"Oh-shit-yeah!" I then pushed and as soon as I did it went flying to Keefe. At the last second, I smirked and redirected it to his hair.

Splat!

Silence. Everyone and everything was dead silent as we all watched the pink goo soak into his hair and dribble down his face. He had a dead look on his face and the air was extremely tight. He slowly raised his hand and hesitantly poked his hair and slowly brought it down and looked at his now pink fingers. When he saw the pink he squeaked a girly squeak and then fainted.

He fucking fainted.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" picture a serial killer from an anime or show and they laughed after they just killed someone, yeah that was me. Everyone gave me weirded out or frightened looks but the teachers just had a student bring Keefe to the healing center and we continued with our game. I splotched Stina in the face and may I say. Her. Face. Was. Priceless. Better than I imagined it. She made I fit about hurting her and trying to get me disqualified but as soon as a raised my fist, the one I punched her mom with may I add, she shut up.

We kept going and somehow it turned into the last three instead of the last four and Sophie and Fitz just stared awkwardly at each other as the teachers tried to figure out what to do.

"We can do rock paper scissors," I said carelessly while sneaking some splotches into my pockets to bring home for pranks.

"What's rock paper scissors?" Fitz asked and I just looked at him blankly. How do I explain such a simple game to him? Luckily Sophie beat me to it and explained it to him.

"No, Fitz you will just go against whichever girl wins since you are the winner of every game." The man I didn't care to learn the name of said and me and Sophie stood in front of each other. Sorry, Soph but I really want to hit Fitz with goo so I'm not going easy. "SPLOTCH!" The coach said as they threw the blue goo ball in the air, me and Sophie caught it at the same time and started pushing our minds out. It kept moving back and forth and Sophie threw her arms out trying to win while I kept my hands in my pockets. Suddenly a wave of energy coming from Sophie threw us both back and she hit the bleachers knocking her out as I, being used to being tossed around, grabbed the nearest object and did a weird twisty thing around it and landed on my feet. Still wanting to win and being petty I pushed the goo ball the last few feet and nailed Sophie in the face.

"Yes!! I win!!"

After I yelled I ran over to Sophie to see if she was ok but the coaches said she would be fine and had someone bring her to the healing center. Then me and Fitz went against each other. I had a wicked grin on my face and I could tell he was freaked out.

"MAKE HIM PINK!!!!!" Someone yelled from the audience and I turned to see it was Bianna. Fitz looked at her and glared playfully.

"Traitor!!" She only giggled as everyone kept yelling at me to turn him pink.

"Make him a pretty princess!"

"I want to see him with pink hair!"

"Make him see pink for the few days!"

"Ruin wonderboy's face!!" I could tell who said that last one, gotta love you Dex.

"Well gotta do what the audience wants, right?" I said as I grabbed a pink splocher and threw it in the air as I caught with my mind.

"Get ready . . . . . SPOLTCH!!" As the whistle(?) blew me and Fitz started pushing against each other. I regret to admit it but I was starting to get tired but I was not going to let his perfect ass win. I started to sweat but slowly the ball started making its way to Fitz more and more, I saw him start to sweat even more than he was already sweating and I could tell by the look in his eye he was starting to panic. I smiled slightly as the ball came to a mere 5 feet from Fitz's face, I then remembered the coach once said that you could get more force if you throw your arm out. I took my left hand that was previously in my pocket, to make me be seen as hot, relaxed, and uncaring, out and with a war cry, I pushed with the last bit of energy I had.

"FUCK YOU MINATURE ASSWHOLE!!!" I cried out as the pink goo splattered all over his face. There was a tight silence over everything before I heard a loud happy yell as I turned and saw Dex running toward me. Before I knew he had tackled me into a hug and we were on the floor laughing. Time went quickly from congrats to getting my prize to going to see Sophie in the healing center. I was sitting in a chair next to her cot with my feet perched atop her bed while I fiddled with the punishment dismissing thing.

Suddenly Sir Zayne walked in and grabbed me by the hood of my jacket and started dragging me out of the healing center. "Hey what the hell, man!" I said but he kept dragging me until we reached the empathy classroom.

"Your sister is fine, she just hit her head. You already missed half the period sitting there doing nothing, Let's begin your lesson."

"Dude! Do you know how fragile her tiny little head is? She could be brain dead for all we know!" He only deadpanned and pointed to the chair.

"Sit." And with that, I was forced to have an empathy lesson.

~The next day~

I grinned as Sophie gagged at the taste, yes I still won't lick the thing. They started to speak when Dex pulled out a box and opened it. I stole one of the treats inside it and ate it, mmm these are good. I gave Dex the look and he rolled his eyes pulling out a small bag and putting two handfuls of the 'prattles' in it. He then gave me the bag and I ate one more before putting it in my bag to munch on during class. I listened in on their conversation when suddenly Bianna came up behind them, I grinned and waved at her.

"Hey, Bi!" I said as she waved at me back and looked between me and Sophie.

"Hey, Sophie (Y/N)? Can I talk to you guys?"

Sophie spun around and froze when she saw Bianna. "Uh, sure," she said as I nodded as I hopped on the heels of my feet. Hmm, that prattle gave me some extra energy, I'm about to make it everyone's problem.

Bianna glanced at Dex and Marella. "Can we go somewhere more private?"

Sophie hesitated half a second, but I didn't and immediately hopped over to the beautiful brown-haired girl and followed her toward a deserted corner of the atrium. "Um, what's up?" Sophie asked.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over after school today."

Sophie waited for something as I stayed quiet, but Bianna seemed serious. "Why?"

Bianna looked at her hands, twisting her fingers together. "I don't know. I thought it might be nice if we could . . . try to be friends." The last words came out barely louder than a whisper.

Friends? I pouted at Bianna. Before Sophie could speak I did. "I thought we were already friends." I crossed my arms and she just smiled slightly at me.

"We are, I meant Sophie." She said and I relaxed. Some would take this as getting friend zoned but I take it as an improvement. As she and Sophie spoke I went into my thoughts to see if I had work today. Suddenly they both turned to me, "So can you come over?"

"Maybe? I have to see if I have work today." I said and she looked confused.

"Work?"

"Yup! I scored a part-time job at Slurps and Burps."

"Oh ok-"

"Wait right here!" I ran back to Dex. "Hey, Dex do we have work today?"

"Uh no, don't you remember? Dad said you could take today off."

"K! Thanks!" I then ran back to the still stunned Bianna and Sophie. "Yeah, I can come over!"

"Great I'll see you guys later." And she left. Huh, she's acting weird.

"Are you going to tell us what that was all about?" Dex asked, already at my side. He and Marella must've made their way over the second Bianna's back had turned.

"She invited us to come over after school today," Sophie said as we walked through the halls.

"What?" they asked simultaneously.

"She said she wanted to be friends with me and hang out with (Y/N)."

"Why?"" they both asked.

Sophie shrugged. "She didn't say."

"Please tell me you told her to go sniff a gulon," Dex begged.

Sophie looked down, unable to meet his eyes and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Aw, come on!"

"I didn't know what else to say."

"She's not that bad." I finally pitched in.

"You could have told her she's a stuck-up snob and you don't want to be her friend," Marella offered, completely ignoring my comment.

"Look, I know you guys aren't going to like this, but my life would be a lot easier if Bianna and I got along. If it doesn't work out, then I wasted one afternoon of my life. So what?"

"How do you know this isn't a trap?" Marella asked. "Invite you over, then humiliate you. You could be walking into an ambush."

"That's not what this is."

"What? You think she isn't capable?" Dex sneered.

"No, but she would never do it at her house. Not with Fitz there."

"Right. I forgot. You and Wonderboy are friends."

Sophie blew out a breath. "Aren't you guys the teeniest bit curious what she's up to?"

She had them there.

"I want details later," Marella agreed.

"And you'd better not leave anything out," Dex added. Then Marella turned to me.

"And you better not kiss her prosperous ass.' I turned red.

"W-w-w-w-what!?!?" I screeched and she rolled her eyes.

"Come one, it's clear you like her."

"I-I do not."

"Yes you do, your stuttering and red."

"I do no- you know what just shut the fuck up."

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4738 words

Hey so that's it for this chapter, now to go rest the rest of the day. Last day of summer yay (note the sarcasm). Ugh. Well updates will be slower and so yeah. If you don't hear from me its because I mentally and emotionally died.

Goodbye!!

Sahiko out.

8 notes · View notes

calpalirwin · 3 years

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Phantom Pain

Summary: Trauma bonding turns into a full blown crush with Bucky

Word Count: 2.9k

And away, and away we go!

You heard the startled gasps behind you as you lowered your body before pulling yourself up on the pull up bar again. “Yes?” you questioned, repeating another rep.

“I-I-I-” a teenage boy's voice stuttered. “Mr. Stark!” he yelled in slight panic.

You sighed, letting go of the bar and landing on your feet. “Yes?” you repeated, turning to face the lanky teenager with his mop of brown hair, and his companion, a girl a few years older, stifling giggles into her hands, both of their cheeks flushed. “Oh,” you said in realization. “You must be Peter. Uh, Tony’s in the lab, I think.”

Peter nodded mutely, before quickly dashing out of the training room, leaving you face to face with the young woman. “Gay,” you said simply. “And I think Vision’s with Tony.”

Her blush deepened, as she too, hightailed it out of the room with a muttered “Tony has a brother?”

You chuckled quietly to yourself. Of course your brother wouldn’t have told his newest members about you. Something about it not being vital information, and liking the shock value of it.

“And this is the training room,” a voice you did recognize said as Steve came into your line of sight, a man matching his stature trailing behind him silently. “Oh, hey, Stark.”

“Capsicle,” you greeted with a salute.

“Stark?” the other man asked in confusion. “I thought-”

“Fortunately there’s two of us,” you corrected. “Or unfortunately, depending on your opinion of Starks in general. Y/N,” you introduced yourself, offering out your hand.

“Bucky,” the man said, shaking your hand.

“Nightmares, again?” Steve asked you, his eyes glancing about the room.

“Sometimes you frighten me with how observant you are, Rogers,” you said grimly.

“Nightmares?” Bucky questioned, intrigue painting the features of his perfectly sculpted face.

“An unfortunate lingering side effect of my time in the Army, yeah,” you explained. “Something I’m sure you can relate to,” you added with a pointed glance at Bucky’s left arm which was completely metal, your mind already curious to how it worked, and how to make it better. “Working out helps. Something about physical exertion canceling out mental exertion.”

“Well, I might have to join you some time. See if your theory holds up.”

You held out your arms, gesturing about the giant training room. “Feel free. Everything here is open 24/7 to accommodate the mad geniuses and PTSD freaks.”

“And which one are you?” Bucky asked. And you knew it was a stupid question given what little information you had already provided him with. But you could also recognize a flirting edge when you heard one.

“I feel like the answer’s obvious. But, in the event that it’s not, I’m both. Pleasure to meet you, Bucky. And welcome to Avengers headquarters.”

~~~

A couple nights later, you were in the lab tinkering about, when you saw Bucky walk by in gym shorts and a tank top, his hair pulled back in a small bun. “Can’t sleep, huh?” you called out.

His body tensed as he whirled around, relaxing when he saw it was you. “Yeah. Thought I’d try out your theory.”

“It’s a good theory,” you assured, before refocusing on what you’d been working on.

“You have a lot of faith in a theory I’ve yet to test for myself,” Bucky said, stepping into the lab with you.

“I don’t do faith. I do facts,” you replied bluntly.

“Mmm, then how do you know it’s a good theory?”

“A good theory isn't whether it’s proven to be correct or not. A good theory is about being able to be repeated and replicated. Tested multiple times over and over. My theory just also happens to be correct.”

“Wow, you are a Stark.”

“I’m not an idiot, is what you mean. But rest assured I don’t have the same level of arrogance my brother inherited from our father. Or at least, I like to believe I don’t. But, results don’t lie. The physical exertion that comes from working out is enough to distract the brain from the mental exertion that comes from unwanted memories. Is it perfect? No, because it’s not a cure. But it does well enough anyway. And you can take my word for it. Or Rhodey’s, or Sam’s, or Steve’s. And that’s just the military crew. Or, you can test it for yourself. As I said, it’s a good theory. Very testable.”

Bucky’s tongue clicked in his cheek. “Mmm, and if it’s such a good theory, why are you here in the lab instead of in the training room?”

“A distraction, is a distraction, is a distraction. And I have work to do.”

“And what is it that you’re working on?” he asked, stepping closer to peer over your shoulder.

“Prosthetic limbs for amputees. Ones that aren’t hunks of metal. No offense.”

“None taken. I didn’t exactly get a say in the matter.”

“Right… Sorry…”

“No, don’t apologize. Something more… realistic looking would be nice. But the metal’s worked so far. Enhances already enhanced abilities.”

A shudder went down your spine. “Right. Super soldier strength mixed in with whatever tech is loaded up in that thing. I’ve taken a lot of hits in my day that I’d hate to experience again, but I’d do it if it meant a guarantee of never being on the receiving end of being hit by that. Like… the damage you were able to inflict on Tony, even in his suit…” you let out a low whistle. “Damn… no thanks.”

“Sorry? I think?”

You laughed, waving a hand dismissively. “Please. It’s not that he didn’t deserve it. The amount of times I wish I could clock him myself… My only regret was having not been there to actually see it.”

“Why do I get the feeling you and Tony don’t actually get along?”

“Oh, we do. It’s just… typical sibling shit, I suppose. We had different ways of coping with our parents dying. He went the standard billionaire spoiled brat route. I went to the Army. He took over the company. I stayed in the Army. He realized the damage the company was actually doing and became Iron Man. I was part of that damage.”

“Shit…”

Again, you waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t get me wrong. He’s my older brother. I love him. He’s rectified a lot of his past by helping turn Stark Industries into the Avengers. He's, dare I say, gained a conscience. But he’s also far from perfect. Still too arrogant for his own good. But I like him a lot better these days than I used to. I mean, I’m here.”

“So… you work for him? Doing what exactly?”

“Yes, and no. I live and work here, yes. But I don’t necessarily work for my brother. I help him and Bruce out a lot. Perks of not being an Avenger myself means I’m here to keep working when they’re gone. But, for the most part I keep to myself doing my own project.”

“Right, the prosthetic limbs. Personal reasons?”

“Yeah, you could say that. Seen my fair share of wounded vets. And seen my fair share of their struggle with shitty prosthetics. And even if they are complete shit, they’re also expensive. But I’m in a position where I can make non-shitty ones and, pun not intended, not have them cost people an arm and a leg. So, that’s what I do. Each prototype gets me closer and closer to making them as realistic as possible. Restoring range of motion you won’t get with cheap plastic wrapped around steel. It’s like… a complete limb transplant. Or that’s the ultimate goal anyway. Make prosthetics so real it’s like you never lost a limb in the first place.”

“That’s… noble of you.”

You shrugged. “Let’s just say I have a soft spot for broken things.”

Bucky smiled at that.

~~~

For the next handful of months, it wasn’t uncommon for Bucky to find you awake in the lab, or for you to find him awake in the training room.

Some nights, the two of you would work out your frustrations of the memories that haunted you both, and you’d tease him about how it wasn’t fair you always drenched through your shirt while he barely broke a sweat, smiling at the way he’d laugh.

Other nights, the two of you would swap war stories while he watched you work in the lab, and when you gathered up the courage to ask to run tests on how the tech in his arm worked to further your own research, he willingly obliged.

“So… were you just an enlisted soldier, or an officer?” he asked one night while you tinkered away.

“An officer. Made First Lieutenant.”

“That’s just below Steve. Which…”

“Is still lower than Sergeant, yes,” you laughed. “Technically anyway. But as an officer, I would still outrank you.”

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… no offense, but First Lieutenant isn’t exactly brag worthy. I imagine you meant to go further. What happened? Was it the damage you mentioned with Tony?”

You nodded. “Yeah. The same accident that started his whole Iron Man gimmick was the same accident that ended my career.”

Bucky nodded, and you knew he wanted to ask more, but didn’t want to pry or overstep. And you were grateful for that. It was one thing to own up that your PTSD stemmed from an incident that ended your military career. It was also one thing to own up to how your experience in the military drove you towards creating prosthetic limbs. But to admit that there was a deep personal connection between the two? That wasn’t something you liked to fess up to. “I’m sorry,” Bucky finally said, feeling the need to say something about your half confession. To acknowledge it without asking more.

You smiled wryly at him. “It’s f-” Your face twisted, and your fingers white-knuckled the table as pain flashed through your leg.

Bucky’s eyes went wide. “You okay?” he asked, moving around the table towards you, his hands hovering nearby in case you fell.

“Knife!” you gasped out, gritting your teeth and humming loudly to keep from screaming out in the pain you knew wasn��t real. “Get me a knife!”

Bucky stood there, frozen, staring at you in horror.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” you barked at him. “I know you have a knife on you! Give it to me! That’s an order, Sergeant!”

That snapped Bucky into action. “Yeah, yeah,” he said, rummaging in his pockets. “Here!”

The sharp steel glinted in the lights as you took it from him and promptly shoved it deep into your right shin.

“What the fuck?!” Bucky yelped, jumping back. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” he repeated when no blood came pouring out of the wound as you yanked the knife back out.

“Aaaahhhh,” you sighed in relief, the pain ebbing away. You relaxed the tension in your body, breathing slowly. “Fuck… hate when that happens.”

“What… the… actual… fuck?” Bucky asked for a third time in a low whisper.

“Relax, it’s fake,” you said, flashing the knife. “See? No blood.”

“I- I-” he stammered.

“It’s called phantom limb pain. Happens in amputees all the time.” You took a seat, pushing up your pant leg to your knee, detaching the prosthetic and tossing it uselessly onto the work table. “Piece of shit,” you muttered, before pulling a tape-recorder out of your pocket. “Prototype 27. Failure, as of,” you spared a glance down at the date on your watch, speaking that into the tape recorder as well. “What?” you asked Bucky who was staring at you with his mouth hanging open.

“That explains… so much. But… why didn’t you just tell me?”

You shrugged. “It’s not something I tell people. Lost my leg in an explosion caused by weapons my family made? Yeah, not exactly a conversation starter.”

“I get that, but… c’mon. It’s me.” He gestured at his left arm.

“Yes, you who- and please don’t take offense to this- doesn’t remember the trauma of losing his arm, and has never experienced the pain that is phantom limb pain.”

“I don’t remember the trauma thanks to years of more trauma that is being brain-washed, and having my mind controlled,” he replied in a clipped tone.

“Yes, the entire world is aware of your trauma, Barnes. Must be nice to have people be aware of what you’ve gone through.”

“People would be aware of what you’ve gone through too, if you’d tell us instead of hiding in jeans and sweatpants!”

“Why would I tell people?! For sympathy?! Or to hear them tell me that I deserved it?! Because news flash, both of those outcomes fucking suck!”

His face crumpled. “Why would anyone think you deserved this?”

You scoffed at his naivety. “It’s poetic justice, Bucky. My own family took my leg. They took Tony’s heart, too, but hey! Look what he made as a result! Isn’t it fuckin’ marvelous?! Tony Stark loses his heart, but gains a soul. Y/N Stark. Loses his leg, and nobody cares.” The words were bitter on your tongue.

“You don’t strike me as the pity party type.”

“I’m not. That’s why I don’t tell people. And yes, maybe there’s a selfish part of me that does what I do strictly for me. Maybe I never would have thought to do all this if I wasn’t an amputee myself. But I’m here, and I’m doing it. And I’m not going to use my story to gain attention and credit that I don’t even want in the first place. Tony thrives in the spotlight. Me? Never been my thing.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think your project’s pretty great. And I don’t see your personal attachment to it as a hindrance. If anything, I bet it pushes you further. To keep trying, even when what you have is already worlds better than what’s available already. But I also get wanting to keep parts of you to yourself. The sympathy vote isn’t the best feeling.”

“Thank you,” you mumbled. “And I’m sorry for what I said about how it must be nice to have people aware of your trauma. Well… I’m sorry for how I said it. There’s quite a laundry list of things that will turn me into an asshole, and phantom limb pain ranks pretty high on that list. But I didn’t mean it as an attack, and if it came across that way, I do apologize.”

“Don’t worry about it. To an extent you’re right. The whole world knowing what happened to me… it dulls the shock value of a lot of things. Justifies a lot of my actions. So, for the most part, it’s incredibly beneficial. But sometimes I wish I could just… I dunno. Be Bucky without people making their assumptions about what that means.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I try to make it a habit of drawing my own conclusions about people rather than listening to the assumptions others have made about them. So, at least with me, you can be Bucky, and that can be however you want it to look.”

“Thanks. I’d uh… I’d like that.” He smiled softly at you, and you smiled back, watching as a blush crept over his face. “Um… Are you going to need help back to your room? Cuz I can help, if you need me to.” The blush grew darker as he shifted his eyes about the room.

“Uh…” you stammered, a blush coming to your own face. Normally when you tossed aside a rejected prosthetic, you either stayed in the lab until you made a new one, reattached the useless one and begrudgingly dealt with it until you felt up to making a new one, or, in super rare cases when you were sure you were alone, wheeled yourself about the headquarters in a chair. But, here was Bucky, offering to help hobble you off to your room. And the thought of him helping support your weight, or God forbid carry you was enough to make your heart sped up. “Even without the weight of a leg, I’m still not exactly light, or small,” you told him. You weren’t as tall as Bucky, that was true, and you certainly didn’t have super soldier serum running through your veins. But you were still very much the standard rugged American soldier type with broad shoulders and well-defined muscles of your own.

Bucky just scoffed at the notion before picking you up in his arms.

“Jesus, fuck!” you exclaimed, throwing an arm around his neck to help support your weight as he headed for the door of the lab. “I swear if you drop me…”

Bucky chuckled, his chest rumbling into your side. “Relax. I’m not gonna drop you. Now, tell me where I’m going.”

You rattled off the quickest route to your room, both hating the vulnerability of being carried in his arms, and loving the security of it.

“See?” he beamed proudly, as he set you on your bed. “Told ya I wouldn’t drop you.”

“Thanks…”

“Anytime.”

“Bucky, wait,” you called out when he turned to leave. “Um… Would you mind maybe staying?”

“Here? With you? In your room?”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, the 1940s gentleman thing is real charming.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s um… You know I’m gay, right?”

“Well… That makes the, uh… oh, I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but that makes having a crush on you a lot easier. Or a lot worse, depending on how things go.”

He blinked at you in confusion, not sure if he was hearing you correctly.

“I like you, Bucky. So are you gonna stay?”

He grinned, happily walking back over to you. “I like you too. And yeah, I’ll stay.”

Tag List

@cxddlyash @stanofalotofthings @philthepegacorn @youngblood199456 @binxiboo @creator-appreciator @felixtok @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @jessalyn-jpeg @lilyoflower @mychemicalimagines @rougese7en @milea @partiesandblurrypolaroids @summerdaughter

#phantom pain #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x reader #male reader #reader!stark #marvel #avengers #calpal irwin

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nbmudkip · 4 years

Text

STOP putting that “if you think queer is a slur youre a bigot/terf” post on my dash i swear to GOD im gonna snap!!! how many times a month are yall gonna make me repeat myself!!!! it is absolutely wonderful that queer has been reclaimed so widely and has become a label for many people BUT THAT DOES NOT ERASE THE HARM AND TRAUMA IT HAS INFLICTED UPON OTHERS!! you CANNOT just insist that anyone who asks for it to be tagged is a bigot because they dont want to SEE A TRIGGERING SLUR!!!

i dont even have the word blacklisted. i simply trigger tag it for the convenience of people who follow me and have asked me to tag it because it is a trigger to them. i have LITERALLY had this word weaponized against me for being gay and trans and people are insisting im a terf for daring to blacklist it so as not to trigger my followers??? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?????

again. i 100% support queer people. i 100% support people who have reclaimed it and identify with it and i support their right to use it. but insisting that i, a nonbinary trans person, am a fucking TERF for asking people not to use it in reference to me and trigger tagging it for my followers??? fucking abhorrent!!!!!!

i am tired of having to repeat this. i am tired of seeing people use queer in place of LGBT+ as an umbrella term to describe the entire fucking community. i am TIRED of being demonized and attacked for POLITELY REQUESTING PEOPLE NOT REFER TO ME WITH A FUCKING SLUR THAT I HAVE HAD USED AGAINST ME SINCE I WAS 13 GODDAMN YEARS OLD.

get your goddamn heads out of your asses and learn how to respect peoples’ triggers and trauma. if you can’t be bothered to do that, block me and don’t fucking look back.

edit: since i was asked, yes, this is fine to reblog. in fact, i encourage it.

#HOW MANY TIMES. HOW MANY TIMES ARE YALL GONNA MAKE ME MAKE THIS POST #HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL I HAVE TO UNFOLLOW #I AM SO FUCKING TIRED MAN #SO FUCKING TIRED #me.txt #q slur

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everlarkficexchange · 3 years

Text

Not today

Written by: @emilia206

Prompt 4: Trope: Jealousy Katniss. Modern AU Katniss Everdeen sees his ex boyfriend as the date of one of her coworkers in the company party. She shouldn’t care, because she broke with him, one year ago and still…. when their song plays, against her better judgements, she finds herself dancing with him. [submitted by @alwayseverlark]

Rating: Mature

Word count: 8062

British lingo you might be unaware of:

A-Level’s - Last form of examination before students go off to university.

Ladbrokes - betting shop

Tesco - food store

(If I left anything out, let me know)

A/N: Thank you to my wonderful beta @melting-starlight, on ao3 she’s Starlight_Wren.

Forlorn, she stares down at her lager, it’s the first moment of quiet she’s had since she entered the pub. Plutarch had been the first to drag her away, talking about everything from what his lunch was like to how much the station was missing her shows. She had only been able to nod and smile, making agreeable noises at the appropriate times, but otherwise letting all of his words wash over her. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, Plutarch had bustled off through the crowd to go talk to another unsuspecting colleague. She had tried to crane her neck over the other patrons’ head, to see if she could spot either Johanna or Annie, the only reason she had relented and come to this thing. But before she could make any discernible recognition, Fulvia, Plutarch’s right hand woman, had sidled up behind her, saying that they simply must ‘catch up’. Ever straight to the point though, she had skipped pleasantries and gone right to the heart of the matter. What had she been doing this past year?

The answer was a pretty simple one, but for some reason that escaped Katniss, it needed lots of explanation. She had spent close to forty-five minutes getting her brain picked apart. Trying, to no avail, to explain to the silly woman the exact reason she had uprooted her and left everything behind to travel all over the globe. Meeting new people, not many, but some. Enough people, Katniss thought. At first, there hadn’t really been a point in it, other than she had to get away from the shit show that was her life. Five years she’d worked at that stupid radio station, blathering on about meaningless things that made her mind fog up with the mundanity of it all. And all she had gotten out of it was a small damp flat in the north of London, with expensive bills and an insufferable landlord. Five years of only seeing her little sister once, twice if she was lucky, a year. Five years of shattered dreams and a dead end job. And still, this woman could not understand why she would want to leave. Of course Katniss never said any of this to Fulvia, but it had been swimming around her head throughout the entirety of the conversation. Instead, she had given watered down reasons and held her tongue as Fulvia had gone on to say, “But what about that boyfriend of yours? I remember him being so supportive…”

She didn’t want to get into that, how she had left him behind. It had been a year and the wound that it had inflicted still ran too deep, was too painful to get into. Especially with nosy, judgy Fulvia. So, she had politely excused herself from the conversation, taking to the bar and ordering herself an overpriced pint. Fantastic. It wasn’t like she was strapped for cash or anything.

Having given up on searching for Annie and Johanna at this nightmarish reunion, she had found herself a quiet corner in the buzzing room, sitting on a lumpy sofa and setting her drink down on an aged wooden table that had ring marks on the surface from drinks overspilling. It wasn’t often that she thought about Peeta, having long since trained her mind to immediately turn and run in the other direction if any thoughts began leading her down that painful path. But now, with Fulvia bringing him up, and being surrounded by people who had all been privy to their relationship, it was only inevitable that she should think of him. Specifically, the last time she had seen him.

—————————–

His face had closed off, completely shuttering all emotions that would otherwise flick across his face. And still, as he stood, staring blankly at her, she continued talking. Trying to explain herself, explain why she just had to leave.

“Please Peeta, believe me when I say it isn’t you,” she whispered, “I just feel so trapped in my own life, and I feel as if I don’t leave now, I never will get anywhere.”

“What about us?” he replied, tone blank and neutral, but still betraying the underlying anger and confusion.

She shook her head sadly, tears falling unbidden from her eyes. Desperately wanting him to hold her and tell her it would be alright, but needing him to stay well away from her so that she could do this. Finish this, clean and precise as Johanna had told her to do it.

“Right,” Peeta said, voice hollow.

They stood there, silence engulfing the little flat. It was never silent in there, the generators downstairs always humming, her boiler constantly gurgling away, but it seemed even these held their breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I think you should leave now,” Katniss said to her feet, not daring to look up at his face.

She stood in her kitchen, stock still, as if any movement from her would cause her to break and shatter on the linoleum tiles of the floor. She listened as Peeta collected his toothbrush and spare clothes. Katniss flinched at the sense of finality she felt when the door banged shut.

————————-

Their break-up had been anything but clean and precise, and it wasn’t a wonder considering that Katniss had been at the helm of it. It was ironic, really, that for five years, her income had depended on her being able to talk for hours about nonsensical things, always upbeat and on the ball for the listeners chiming in, but when it came to her own boyfriend, she hadn’t been able to get the words out right. She had made him think that it was him that was suffocating her, when in actuality it was everything. She was pushing thirty and already she could feel herself stagnating.

She wished that she could do it again, try not to make such a mess of it as she had done. How could she have known, though, the profound affect it seemed to have had on Peeta? He had always been so supportive of her decisions, only asking that she open up to him and be honest. Of course she hadn’t expected him to be completely OK with her decision, but she had been hoping that he would at least understand her reasoning. Instead, he had been angry and confused, perhaps even rightfully so, before he had completely shut down becoming cold and distant in the moments prior to him slamming out of her little home.

“Penny for your thoughts?” a perky voice said next to her, pulling Katniss out of her reverie.

Looking up, Katniss couldn’t help but smile at the big brown eyes that were peering down at her. Rue. Her intern from a year ago. She didn’t look much different, just a little older and worse for wear. But that’s what this job did to you, lured you in with promises of bigger and better ahead, before getting you trapped and very much stuck.

“You don’t want to know,” Katniss replied, shuffling over and making space for the young woman.

“Oh, and why’s that?” Rue asked, her lips quirked upwards in a smile.

“Neither thinking, nor talking about it will solve a thing,” she mumbled down at her glass before taking a prolonged drink from it. She reveled in the fizz and slightly bitter taste as it washed down her throat.

“Well, if you’re gonna be all closed off to me, your favourite intern, I’ll let you in on all of my issues to date,” Rue said, taking a sip from her own glass.

Katniss smirked. It was true that Rue was her favourite intern, but that wasn’t exactly a feat. Most interns that Katniss had been given the responsibility of taking care of had been so awful that they were fired within their first two weeks of working at the station.

“So, remember how you warned me before you left, that this job ‘will suck me dry of all inspiration and motivation’ whilst also ‘dashing my dreams and love for the craft’ but not before ‘restricting what me on what I can talk about, and instead giving me stupid shows that will make me want to die’?” Rue paused, taking a drink from her pint.

“Yes, I do recall telling you all of those things, I assume you’ve come to the conclusion that I was correct and that you should have saved yourself while you could,” Katniss said, trying not to gloat at the fact that she was at least right about something, and it wasn’t just her overreacting and being dramatic.

Rue nodded her head vigorously, her corkscrew curls bouncing, “Well, I’ll be honest. At the time, I thought you were just being dramatic, or maybe you were bitter about something, but you really were so right. I can’t get anyone to take me seriously or invest in any bigger show ideas, or get them to take on or promote more obscure artists. The sponsors continuously overlook me so that they can pour more money into presenters who have a body to boot. Even though that shouldn’t matter, ‘cause we’re on a fucking radio, nobody is looking at the face or body behind the voice anyway!”

“And as soon as I try to get Plutarch or Fulvia to give me a recommendation so that I can move to something a little more low key and less industrious, they tell me that I shouldn’t leave, that I have so much potential, and that it would be such a waste for me to go do something less mainstream, because how will I ever be recognised then?” Rue finished with a defeated groan, flopping back against the leather cushions.

Looking up at the ceiling, Rue asked, “How’d you get out? I mean for me, it’s just an endless cycle of early mornings, playing music that makes my ears bleed, and frustration that after all my hard work, I’ve just become another peppy girl on the radio.”

Katniss snorted at this, “Depressing, isn’t it? After all the analysing of different styles of music and poetry, it amounted to this.”

“Fuucckk,” Rue groaned at the ceiling fans, “It’s depressing because it’s so painfully true. Do you know how many hours I spent holed up in my room studying for my Music and English A-Levels just so I could at least get a seven, and now I’m stuck here.”

Katniss nodded her head, “Only ‘cause I did the same thing though. What were we thinking?”

“Ugh, I know! My mum told me that this was an ‘unsustainable career path’. I hate to say it, but I think she may have had a point.”

A crash came from the other side of the room, effectively interrupting their mutual venting session, a clattering of glasses fell to the floor and shattered, causing both Katniss and Rue to jump before turning around to see what happened. A flustered waiter apologised profusely to a skimpy blonde who looked upon him with narrowed green eyes, and a stain that looked an awful lot like red wine spilled on her yellow dress. The few people who had been applauding the waiters slip up began to slow their claps when they realised that the unfortunate woman who now had a stain across the front of her dress, was not taking it on the chin as it were. In fact, she looked like she was a few seconds from throwing a fit.

“Oof, would not want to be that guy,” Rue remarked, “Glimmer looks about ready to go get his ass fired.”

Katniss turned to look at Rue, who was leaning her chin on the back of the sofa, “How’d you know her name?”

Rue made a face, “She’s a presenter at the radio station, she does the show that Annie used to do.”

“Shit, really,” Katniss said, blowing air through her teeth to make a low whistling sound. “That show was one of the more popular ones.”

“Still is. Rumour has it that the company hired her to replace Annie, who was making noises to leave, so they sent her Glimmer as an intern. Annie left a week later, claiming that the work environment had become insufferable.”

Katniss had turned back to watch as the waiter bent to pick up the broken glass, whilst so-called Glimmer rolled her eyes impatiently at another waiter who was handing her paper towels to try wipe up the mess on her dress. While watching, Katniss listened intently to what Rue was saying, “People weren’t surprised when she quit. Glimmer is quite literally the epitome of a toxic work environment.”

“Oh well, this just makes me all the more glad that I left,” Katniss said. Annie had emailed her when she’d quit, but hadn’t given a reason why. At the time, Katniss had just assumed it was because both Johanna and herself had already left, but this must have been the breaking point for her.

“Oh, she’s not even the worst of it,” Rue said, a cynical smile touching her lips as they watched another woman with jet black hair and pinched features walk up to Glimmer, she took the paper towels from the waitress and threw them down to the floor, yelling something unintelligible, “That’s Clove. As you can see, she’s got quite a temper on her. She’s the one who replaced Johanna as DJ. The two of them together are quite… formidable.”

Katniss turned in her seat to grab her drink from the table so she could drink and watch this scene unfold in front of her. She would be lying if she said that it wasn’t just a teeny bit entertaining. Taking a sip from her mellowing beer, she almost choked when she saw who was joining the show. Blond ashen curls, broad shoulders, and a slight limp from a rugby injury that had never quite healed. It was Peeta. Her Peeta, consoling this shallow, pitiful, blonde bimbo.

She could feel Rue’s eyes on her, watching for a reaction. Katniss swallowed painfully, oblivious to the taste, eyes glued to what was happening in front of her very eyes. Maybe it wasn’t him. It couldn’t possibly be him. There was no way, absolutely no fucking way, that the Peeta Mellark that she had known all throughout secondary school, was even remotely affiliated with such a cow. Deep down, Katniss knew that she was possibly being a little harsh, but jealousy, lots of it, was rearing its ugly green head, skewing her opinions.

“Yeah, and then there’s that,” Rue uttered, “reason number fuck knows what as to why I ‘strongly dislike’ Glimmer.”

Katniss breathed deeply, shoving down the irrational, possessive anger that was overcoming her. She cleared her throat, which had become exceptionally tight in the last two minutes, “Are they… an item?”

“I wouldn’t say so,” Rue said, turning around to face the other way again, “as far as I know, they’re just fuck buddies. Who knows, though, maybe he does the wine and dining as well.”

Katniss, following suit, also turned around, sitting stoically, and taking slow sips from her sweating drink. “So he’s fucking her.”

Rue nodded, sighing a little as she did so, “I know it might not be my place to comment-”

“It probably isn’t then,” Katniss interrupted, wanting very much to go back to her hotel room now.

“But,” Rue continued, “you were really fucking dense to let that man walk away from you. I have no idea what happened between the two of you, but even I can appreciate that ass, and oh my god those shoulders,” she pretended to fan herself, before turning incredulous, “and he’s not even my type.”

Katniss snorted at this, turning around for a quick second, to survey the specimen that was now patting down an incensed Glimmer. She couldn’t deny that he still looked sexy as fuck. He definitely seemed to have fared this year a little better than her. Turning back around, she looked down at what she was wearing. A simple dress that she’d bought from a charity shop when she was sixteen, it was light blue and the material was soft and light, perfect for the humid weather that London summers were, but it did look as if it might be on its last legs. Her hair was loose for once, and hung in ebony waves down her back, but otherwise she hadn’t made much of an effort, as could be seen by her scruffy trainers and mismatched socks. She didn’t need to impress these people anyway.

“Yeah, stupid indeed,” Katniss muttered.

They sat there then, silence washing over them, until the unmistakable sound of a speaker system being plugged in echoed throughout the crowded room. Katniss looked up to see her friend climbing up onto the bar, a little wobbly on her feet, but her voice was commanding no less.

“Alrighty, I’ve been asked to do a little set tonight, but because I forgot to set up a good playlist that will please all of you old folk, I’ll be taking requests,” she made to get off the bar, but paused mid-step hollering across the room, “And if I think your song request is shit I won’t play it, feel free to take it personally.”

Katniss didn’t really care much for the offer to request music, she was just relieved to know that Johanna had, in fact, shown up. She had been wondering whether either of her ex-work-colleagues had actually bothered. Knowing that Johanna was here, though where she’d been all night was something Katniss would like to know, meant that Annie was probably here as well.

Rue, on the other hand, immediately got up. Kissing Katniss on the cheek, she proclaimed, “Oh, I have a song that Jo simply must play.”

She walked off into the crowd, but abruptly turned back, looking down at Katniss, who was still cocooned in the soft leather of the sofa, “Also, if you get any interesting job offers don’t be scared to recommend me,” with a wink, she waltzed off again.

Alone once again, and trying desperately to distract herself from the ‘pat down’ Peeta was assuredly still giving Glimmer, Katniss gulped down the rest of her pint, before standing to go get another.

Waiting at the bar for the barmaid to get to her drink, she tapped out a rhythm on the polished wood. Distracted, she almost didn’t notice the familiar opening chords to a song she hadn’t let herself listen to in a year.

Johanna’s voice sounded over the speaker system, “For all you lovesick idiots here tonight, Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey.”

Katniss’ breath stilled in her chest, this must have been some sick joke the universe was playing on her. Despite herself, Katniss searched the room for the familiar face that she had once danced to this with at prom. Scanning the crowd, her eyes finally landed on a seemingly just as stunned Peeta Mellark, his face so pale and pinched he looked like he was about to throw up. He, too, looked to be scanning the crowd. He couldn’t know that she was here, could he? She knew that she should probably shrink back into the shadows, or, better yet, vacate the premises and head back to her hotel room, to avoid any unnecessary drama that she most certainly did not need. Yet, against her better judgement, she stood her ground, not actively looking to be seen, but not hiding from sight either.

Her eyes stayed on him, noticing with a missed beat of her heart that Glimmer and Clove were both conspicuously absent. The song had already passed the first verse when Peeta’s eyes finally locked on hers. His eyes widened in surprise, but beneath it was still the same warmth and affection that had always been. Her sharp intake of breath told her all she needed to know, those baby blues could still make her knees weak, could still make her feel like she was adrift and untethered in a desolate ocean, with him being the only tether to reality. Their gazes locked on one another as the second verse began;

A singer in a smoky room

The smell of wine and cheap perfume

Peeta’s eyes stared holes into her, and for a moment it was as if no time had passed, as if he was standing on the other side of the school’s assembly hall as an entire year group of nervous sweaty eighteen year olds danced the evening away to overplayed 80’s tracks. Katniss was even greeted with the familiar erratic beating of her heart, wishing and hoping that he’d just bottle up the nerve and ask her already!

That night, she had been the one to walk across the dance floor to ask him to dance, but tonight, it seemed it would be Peeta who would take the first tentative steps towards her.

For a smile they can share the night

It goes on and on, and on, and on

Drink forgotten, Katniss stepped away from the bar, walking towards the people already congregating to dance on a small open space on the floor. The first chorus sounded through the room;

Strangers, waitin’

Up and down the boulevard

Their shadows

Searchin’ in the night

Streetlights, people

Livin’ just to find emotion

Hidin’ somewhere in the night

They met in the middle, and Katniss looked up at him through her lashes.

“For old times sake,” Peeta murmured down to her, offering his hand.

She tried not to let his remark sting, that their relationship is in fact in the past. That he had moved on from her, that she should too. But falling into his arms, head resting over his breast bone listening to his heart thumping away, letting him sway them to the music, felt so natural and familiar. The tears stung behind her eyes, and she bit her lip to stop herself from sobbing out loud. She didn’t want to be sad, to mar this song with her regrets, when it was accompanied by so many good and happy memories. Of the two of them messing around in his kitchen, or her bedroom.

So, she swallowed down her tears, and let herself fall back in time to when things were simpler. Letting the music and words wash over her, rejuvenating her weary soul.

Workin’ hard to get my fill

Everybody wants a thrill

Payin’ anything to roll the dice

Just one more time

Some will win

Some will lose

Some were born to sing the blues

Oh, the movie never ends

It goes on and on, and on, and on

She laughed when he spun her, then recaptured her in his arms. He swooped low, before lifting them back up and spinning them in slow circles.

Strangers waitin’

Up and down the boulevard

Their shadows

Searchin’ in the night

Streetlights, people

Livin’ just to find emotion

Hidin’ somewhere in the night

She took the lead, moving them faster, along to the tune of the song. Pulling away from his embrace, but holding on to his hands, as she spun herself to lean her back against his chest with his arms crossed protectively over her.

Don’t stop believin’

Hold on to that feelin’

Streetlight, people

Don’t stop, believin’

Hold on

Streetlights, people

As the song began to slow again, and Steve Perry ad-libbed his way through the end of the song, Peeta turned her again so that they were pressed chest to chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and their steps became so minuscule they could do it on a pie plate if they wished to do so. She stared up into his bottomless blue eyes, a genuine smile lighting up her face for the first time this evening.

“I missed you,” he whispered.

Her smile faltered slightly, and she looked down, ashamed at how easily she had let herself fall back into his arms. The moment of magic had ended, and she was thrown back into the icy cold reality of her life. For christ’s sake they hadn’t spoken in a year, and now suddenly they were dancing and laughing on the dance floor!

Don’t stop believin’

Hold on to that feelin’

Streetlight, people

He turned them one last time. He leant his cheek on the top of her head, sighing quietly as if knowing about the beratement Katniss was giving herself in her head. He swayed them as the song faded out. She pulled away, chancing a glance up at his face. The pain she had inflicted onto him shone through his eyes, and though it killed her to do it, she could only pull further out of his arms, backing away. He watched after her, arms limp at his sides, and she turned, pushing through the crowd.

“Oi, watch it!” Someone called after her as she shoved past people.

Finally, after stepping on numerous toes and elbowing a few people in the sides, she made it over to the makeshift DJ table. Johanna was leaning against it, chewing on a toothpick as she announced in a lazy drawl the next song. Behind her shoulder she could see Annie leaning heavily into some guy with bronzed curls and tanned skin, Katniss thought that she had seen him before in a couple of Annie’s instagram posts.

“Ahhh, Brainless,” Johanna called out when she spotted a breathless Katniss standing before the table, “here to make a song request? Maybe another one that you can dance to with lover boy.”

“What the fuck, Jo?” Katniss cried out, “Did you put that song on just to mess with my head? ‘Cause it sure as hell worked.” Katniss ran her shaking hands through her hair, not caring if she messed it up, or if it got tangled.

Johanna raised her eyebrows in surprise, “Wait, you don’t actually believe I put that song on, do you?”

“Well, who else, Johanna?!”

“I didn’t even know you were here up until five minutes ago, let alone him!” Johanna spat out, incredulity lacing her voice, “And besides, I’m only taking requests this evening. I did let everyone know,” she sniffed, rolling her eyes.

“Ok fine, if it wasn’t you, then who?” Katniss hissed, “Because I will start throwing arms if I have to, Jo.”

“Jeez, don’t get your knickers all in a twist, it was only a little dancey,” Johanna teased. Looking at Katniss’ bemused face, she relented, “If you promise to not beat the living lights out of her, I’ll tell.”

“‘Kay fine, I promise,” Katniss said, her anger subsiding a little. Whoever it was, it wasn’t their fault that she couldn’t just leave when she definitely should have, “Just tell me who.”

Johanna nodded her head in the direction of the bar, Katniss followed her gaze, eyes greeted with an apologetic looking Rue. Rue grimaced a little, apparently having watched Katniss’ outburst. At least she looked sorry, Katniss thought.

Her anger having dissipated, the feeling of regret and sadness settled cold and heavy in her stomach. She deflated against the table, feeling very tired all of a sudden, “I need a smoke,” she muttered, “Lighter,” she held out her hand.

Johanna grumbled under her breath, fishing through her pockets for a lighter. “Give it back after,” she warned, slapping it into Katniss’ outstretched palm.

Katniss weaved her way through the crowds once more, being a little more careful to not piss off so many people this time, until she got to the coat rack next to the door. The coat rack itself was leaning over under the weight of all the coats draped over the top of it. After some digging around, Katniss found her light jean jacket and pulled it out from underneath the mountain of others piled up on top of it. Pulling it on, she pushed open the door to the pub and stepped out into the night.

It looked like the sun had just gone down, streaks of orange fading into the sky as dusk settled over the stinking, sweltering city. It had cooled off quite a bit from earlier, and Katniss huddled herself further into her jacket, trying to leech off any residual warmth from it. She walked down the shallow stone steps, found herself a place to light her cigarette. Leaning against the cold brick wall behind her, not caring if she got her coat or dress dirty. She fished a loose cigarette out of her coat pocket, and lit the fag, taking a long drag from it, breathing it back out into the cooling air.

“Those things kill, you know,” A voice sounded from behind her. She scowled at how it made her heart leap hopefully in her chest.

“I know,” she almost growled, wanting him to fuck off back to Glimmer already. She couldn’t deal with having him thrust back into her life, pretending like nothing happened between them. Like she hadn’t irreparably fucked up their entire relationship, just because she felt ‘claustrophobic’.

“I thought you were quitting?” Peeta asked, walking to stand next to her and pulling out his own cigarette.

She passed him Johanna’s lighter, “You can’t talk,” she snorted as she watched him light his, “And anyway, I am. I just keep emergency ones in all of my coats, and in a few of my trousers.”

Peeta laughed at this, “Yeah, sure does sound like you’re quitting.”

“Hey,” she protested, “I never keep a lighter on me, that way I have to ask someone, and then they’re also accountable for my inevitable lung cancer.”

Peeta’s eyebrows rose at this, and he took a puff from his own cancer stick, “Oh yeah, and how long did it take you do that mental gymnastics.”

Katniss only rolled her eyes, and they both stood next to each other staring out at the street. They watched as a bus pulled up at the stop, and an old man stumbled out, hobbling into the Ladbrokes opposite. A siren blared somewhere in the distance. Two extremely drunk men sat on the steps a good ten metres away from them, but were loud enough for their slurred words to reach the two.

“Listen Katniss, about before,” Peeta started, breaking their comfortable silence, “I didn’t mean to make you feel crowded or guilty, or anything like that.” He looked to her, but she stared resolutely ahead, taking slow small puffs from her cigarette.

“It’s fine,” she finally said, “forget about it. I probably shouldn’t have even danced with you in the first place, what with you being with Glimmer and all.”

“Ah, shit,” Peeta breathed out, “I didn’t think you knew about that.”

“Yeah well, I do,” Katniss snapped.

Peeta looked as if he wanted to say something, but Katniss cut him off before he could, “I really don’t want to know.”

Peeta nodded his head. They were quiet for a moment.

“I mean, it’s not like you’re not allowed anyway,” Katniss said, scuffing the toe of her already scruffy trainer against the cracked pavement.

Peeta huffed out a bemused, short-lived laugh, “Care to explain that, whilst we’re out here talking civilly?”

“What?” Katniss asked, “Are you asking why I broke up with you?”

Peeta nodded his head once more.

Katniss sighed, “I feel like I’ve told myself and everyone around me the same explanation about a million times, but standing here it doesn’t feel like enough.”

“Well, that’s convenient,” Peeta whispered.

Katniss sighed, trying not to sound too exasperated. What’s it to him anyway, she thought. “Look Peeta, I told you before, and I’ll say it again. It wasn’t you.”

“Doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop asking myself if I did something,” Peeta said.

Katniss finally turned to look up at him, as he stared up at the darkening sky, searching it for the few visible stars, “We’re not even thirty yet, Peeta, I’m not ready to settle. I wasn’t last year, and I definitely am not this year. And I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if you told me you weren’t ready yet either, and you’re allowed to be with whoever you want, even if it is someone as silly and shallow as Glimmer. I guess it’s better to get your mid-life crisis out the way now,” she said with a smirk, before sobering and adding quietly, “I’m not completely oblivious Peeta, it’s not like I don’t see her appeal.”

Peeta looked down at her, opening his mouth, she was sure, to deny that Glimmer’s big boobs were the reason. She held up her hand to stop him, “Who knows though, maybe someone’ll convince me to come to this thing again next year, and I’ll see you again. Hopefully with someone other than Glimmer. And just like this year, I’ll steal you for a dance, and then lure you outside for a smoke, and we’ll catch up,” she paused for dramatic affect, stealing herself for what she was going to say next, “After that, you’ll kiss me, right up against the cold brick wall,” she watched as Peeta’s eyes widened at her bold statement.

Maybe it was her pint of beer that had made her so free and uncaring with her sentiments. Though Katniss would never describe herself as a lightweight, she admitted to herself that it had been a good six weeks since she’d had a proper drink. On second thought, she remembered the last time she drank before tonight being a little over a week ago, and it had been a cider. She grimaced at the thought. Fuck, she mused, when did I become a lightweight? Peeta cleared his throat uncomfortably, prompting her to continue, but unsure of whether she was finished or not. Katniss mentally shook herself before finishing in a low, sultry voice, “Just like you’re going to do this year.”

“Fuck,” Peeta breathed out, and Katniss watched him visibly struggle to swallow. She tried, and failed, to suppress her smug little smirk, that she could still affect him like this. It eased the green beast within her, the one that had wanted to stamp her foot and cry out earlier when she had witnessed Peeta wiping down the front of Glimmer’s dress. She shook her head. She didn’t want to think of Glimmer, Peeta was out here with her now, that must count for something, right?

“Are you, umm - being serious?” Peeta stuttered, and despite herself Katniss grinned at how flustered he was getting, the pink staining his cheeks betraying how agitated he really was, “Or are you just pulling my leg?”

Katniss took a long drag from her fag, sucking on it until it was down to the stub, “Do I look like I’m joking, Mellark?”

She watched as his pupils dilated even more in the darkening night, until the blue of his irises were only thin rings around the black pits of his desire. She reveled in being able to do this to him still, after all this time. It comforted her, in a weird, possessive, unhealthy sort of way.

“No,” he whispered, voice hoarse and barely audible. He dropped his cigarette on the floor, not even bothering to stamp it out before stepping forwards. Large hands came to a rest on her waist, pushing her further back against the wall. She bit back a slight moan at the way he seemed to shelter her, the stark contrast of the cold wall behind her, nipping at the backs of her legs, and the heat that enmantend from his body and radiated onto her. She took a deep shuddering breath, pushing her chest upwards against his. Her hand shook slightly as she stubbed out the remnants of her cigarette against the wall next to her, before letting it fall to the ground as well.

Their faces were so close now, their mouths only a hair’s breadth apart, all it would take is for one of them to lean in, to close the tantalisingly small space between them. “Tell me you want me to,” Peeta uttered, breath fanning her face. She bit her lip, a sly grin gracing her features.

She leant up on her tiptoes, tracing a path to his ear lobe with her breath, “Peeta Mellark, I want you to kiss me up against this brick wall, until I’m breathless and my knees are weak.”

He groaned loudly, and she was about to tell him to be quiet when his lips descended greedily on hers. Knocking the breath right out of her, as he sucked and bit tenderly against first her top and then her bottom lip. She whimpered, admitting to herself that she had missed the way it felt to be kissed by someone who cared. Who didn’t just do it as a way to get into her underwear.

It was his turn to smile smugly, he pulled away from her, and she chased his lips with her own. Wanting them back, wanting him to plunge and plunder. She huffed out a frustrated growl when he moved even further away. She opened her eyes, taking in his face that grinned with feigned innocence down at her, “What’s the matter Everdeen?” He asked teasingly, “Knees not weak enough yet?”

She glared at him, he knew exactly what he was doing, and she wasn’t having any of it, not tonight. Lifting her hands to his hair, she played with the blond locks, smiling up at him demurely. She would tell him what she wanted step by step if necessary, but she didn’t think it would be. Cocking her head to the side, she mirrored his look of feigned innocence, before tangling her fingers into the shorter hairs at the back of his head, and pulling his lips back down to hers. He grunted against her, and she opened her mouth ever so slightly in invitation.

It took her all of two seconds to lose all inhibitions, Peeta’s hands moved up from their resting spot on her waist, one cradling the back of her neck and one stroking up and down her back in a motion that made Katniss giddy with desire. Their tongues met in a dance, reacquainting themselves. Peeta’s dove into her mouth, rediscovering everything he already knew about her.

Peeta placed his leg in between her own, which had opened a little of their own accord, bringing it upwards slightly, daring her to grind up against it. Stubborn as ever, though, Katniss refused to take the bait. Knowing him, he would probably tease her, pull away before she could really get going. But when he tugged on her bottom lip with his teeth, she relented. She could feel her knees turning into jelly, forcing her to slump down onto his leg. She ground down on it experimentally, the rough material of his jeans rubbing up against her boy shorts. Katniss swore into his mouth, and did it again, letting the motion stimulate her throbbing center. She was almost glad that he couldn’t feel the intensity of the heat that seemed to be pouring from her core, but another part of her needed him to know that he could still do this to her. Could still drive her to do halfway insane things, like letting him ravage her up against a wall with all of her ex colleagues a mere few metres away. Pulling his head down further, she held him there, desperate to drink more of him in.

“Katniss,” he whispered against her mouth, before diving right back in.

It was her turn to grunt at the power in which he started almost devouring her mouth, she could only cling to the locks of hair wrapped around her fingers, in hopes that she wouldn’t just crumple to the floor. She was rocking against his leg in a steady rhythm, each stroke of his rough denim trousers against her center making her more frantic, desperate for more. Her nerve endings felt frayed, threatening to short circuit and send her spiralling through the abyss. Peeta continued to busy himself with her mouth, pulling away before delving back in, more thorough and rough each time, so that she could only whimper helplessly into his mouth.

It was when the hand that had been stroking leisurely circles into her spine crept towards her front before meandering downwards, that Katniss came somewhat to her senses. She stopped his hand with one of her own, before it could get to the hemline of the skirt to her dress. She pulled away from his lips that had been stroking soft sublime on hers, and looked at him. Eyes blown wide, lips swollen and red from kissing, blond hair tousled and mussed from all her incessant tugging. She was sure she was mirroring this disheveled appearance back at him. He lowered his leg from where it had stayed resting against her, but his hand stayed trapped between their two bodies. If it weren’t so painfully obvious how much they had missed each other, it would be comical how fast and hard they’d fallen back into heated touches and frantic kisses.

She took a deep breath, wondering if she should apologise, or at least explain, but her brain was still fogged with arousal, and she was finding it very hard to look him in the eye. Instead, she got back on to her tip toes and brought her arms up around his neck, pulling him close to her for a hug. She rested her head against his shoulder, and he slowly brought his arms around her waist, holding her to him as well.

“One day, Peeta,” she began, talking into his neck, “one day…”

“But not today,” he finished for her.

She nodded and squeezed him tighter, a hundred memories of them together flooding her mind, and for the second time this evening she had to fight back the urge to sob. She could only be relieved that he had understood, understood why she couldn’t let him do that, not now, and certainly not here.

He squeezed her back, and she swore she felt him inhaling her smell, at any other time this would have turned her on beyond reason, but now it only saddened her. How had she managed to fuck it up again? He pressed a quick kiss into the juncture of where her neck met her shoulder, before releasing her from his grasp.

She wobbled, still a little unsteady on her feet, but managed to start walking in the direction of her bus stop. As she walked past the two drunk men that were still sitting on the stone steps to the pub, she heard one of them call out to her.

“Is the show over, sweetheart?” he asked, sarcasm along with whatever he’d had to drink lacing his voice, “That’s a shame, me an’ Chaff here were really startin’ to ge’ into it.”

Katniss turned to look at the man who had said it, scathing reply waiting at the tip of her tongue, but before she could say anything, the other man, Chaff she assumed, slurred out;

“Won’t you give an ol’ man a kiss before you go?” The two men guffawed as he made kissy faces at her.

“Arseholes,” Katniss muttered under her breath.

The man with salt and pepper hair down to his shoulders called after her again, though all traces of amusement were gone from his voice. He sounded surprisingly sober when he told her, “I see the way you have him wrapped around your finger, sweetheart, you could live a hundred lifetimes and still not deserve what he gave you tonight,” he burped loudly and continued, “One day he’ll realise that, he’ll realise that he’s better than tha’, be’er than you.”

Katniss tried to ignore his words as she waited at the traffic light for the little green man to pop up so she could cross the road, but they still made her blood run cold, because maybe he was right. She turned her head to the side, waiting impatiently for the cars to come to a slow at the T-junction, when the old man, who had since left the betting shop, added his own snarky comment to the fray. If she had known how many people were watching them, she wouldn’t have let it get that far, or go on for so long.

“When do you think he’ll notice the exact degree of your indifference?” He asked in a voice that was weathered and old, but still demanded her attention. He had posed his comment as a question, but he said it as if he already knew the answer. She wasn’t indifferent, she thought, but doubt coursed through her. Hadn’t she just used him to prove a point? A stupid petty point, that she was better than Glimmer. She shook her head at the notion, it had just been a drunken mistake, nothing more.

She turned her head to face the decrepit old man, biting out a response, “Those are some awfully big words for a filthy old beggar, let’s hope you don’t choke on ‘em.”

The old man threw his head back and laughed, his cracked voice making it sound more like a cackle than anything. To her surprise the man actually did start choking, on his own blood. He bent forwards, crouching low as he spat blood to the floor.

“Gross,” Katniss muttered, before hurrying across the road. To hell with the traffic, she thought, she just needed to get the fuck out of here.

The shame and regret were already starting to curl themselves around her, and she felt almost sick with it. She was once again being reminded of how easily being around Peeta could fuck with her head, how it could make her do things that she otherwise wouldn’t do. That she’d sworn to herself wouldn’t happen again. Because, yes, her drink might have had something to do with it, but it was also him, he was intoxicating. The moment she had noticed he was in the room, she had wanted him, needed him. And it might be true that she could make him feel the same way, but people never seemed to see that he was just as good at it as she was. He was always the sweet golden boy, who had had the misfortune of falling in love with the likes of her.

She looked across the street when she arrived at the bus stop. The pub was pouring light from it’s windows and she heard the music playing. Peeta had already disappeared, and Katniss wondered how much he had heard. She hoped none of it. The old man was shuffling into the Tesco next door to the Ladbrokes, and the two men were still sat outside the pub, drinking from flasks. She looked up at the timetable that the bus stop provided, and cursed under her breath when she saw that her bus wouldn’t be arriving for another seven minutes.

She was about to start walking down the highstreet, so that she wouldn’t have to stand, waiting like a sitting duck, when her phone vibrated in her coat pocket with an incoming message.

Pulling it out of the pocket, she read what it said.

Johanna Mason [Sent 10:21pm]: Where are you? I’m hungry and bored, wanna get smth to eat?

Katniss considered ignoring the message, but her stomach rumbled in response to the thought of food.

Katniss Everdeen [Sent 10:22pm]: At the bus stop across the road. Don’t you have a set?

Johanna Mason [Sent 10:22pm]: Ofc you are. Yh I do, but any moron can do this. These song requests are driving me insane tho, so… food?

Katniss Everdeen [Sent 10:23pm]: Yh alright, what tho?

Johanna Mason [Sent 10:24pm]: I could really go for a kebab… and a smoke. We’re leaving now.

Katniss looked up from her phone. Shit. Johanna’s lighter. Peeta still had it. She watched as Johanna banged open the doors to the pub. Trailing after her was a wobbly Annie and the man from earlier. Katniss looked around her, hoping one of the many corner shops littering the street were still open, but they were all depressingly closed. Katniss glared at the closed signs on all the shop doors as if their existence offended her eyes, because in that moment, they really did.

She’d get that lighter back - she turned and saw the group crossing the road - though, maybe not today.

#emilia206 #alwayseverlark #prompt 4 #Springtime Edition 2021 #submission

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calunasteria · 3 years

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please, xanny. | sanzu haruchiyo

"𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙢𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙗𝙪𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙨 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚."

- wherein sanzu haruchiyo falls in love. that's all. (i'm bad at summarising my stories, i'm sorry ><)

current word count: 3.1k

tw (throughout the series): mentions of drug use and abuse, manipulation (gaslighting) and toxic relationships, mentions of blood, death, and murder, rape (attempt), use of deadly weapons, slight nsfw (??) - kindly tell me if i missed one. thank you.

date started: 07/29/21 (wattpad) | 07/31/21 (tumblr)

date ended: -

01 ! please,xanny.

what was it? was it the alcohol? was it the food they ate earlier? maybe it was spoiled, or worse, maybe it has drugs? probably no.

maybe she's just overthinking things.

maybe she's just imagining all of this.

to say that she's inloveㅡ no, cross that out, to say that he's inlove is dangerous.

but how is it that the sanzu haruchiyo, bonten's number 2, is making her feel numerous things?

he reeked of instability, insanity.

yet his touch was as soft as the cotton, gentle like the wind, it was comforting.

say....

have you ever known what it felt like to drive on highways, with gnawing trepidation?

to taste betrayal and fondness while running on an endless tunnel of vague roads?

to be loved by none other than sanzu haruchiyo?

"welcome everyone, to our company's afterparty, please enjoy yourselves for tonight!" honey dripping voice echoed throughout the wide spaced room that is decorated with some dimmed and flashing lights, shimmering crystals plastered on the wall, extravagant leather couches, and large, black speakers booming with music. her soft, delicate hands then set the microphone down, as her wavy jet black hair bounced and swayed as she walked down the stairs with elegance.

"nakashima-san, the director wants to talk to you, he said to head towards the VIP area, over there." a small voice beside the stairs managed to squeak out, catching the girl's attention and turning her head to the direction he pointed at.

"did he told you the reason why he wanted to talk to me?" she asked, voice filled with a hint of irritation and tiredness - the complete opposite of how she sounded earlier on the stage. the boy shook his head, then uttered 'excuse me' before dashing away from his superior.

the girl then just sighed and walked towards the bar counter, which is the complete opposite of the direction she was told to go.

"one grey goose martini and a plain cranberry juice, please. thank you." she ordered as she sat down.

"wow, you're actually gonna drink tonight, kasumi? are your shits finally getting to you, girl?" the lady beside her stated with amusement as she popped out of nowhere, a glass of whiskey found in her hand, still laughing and smiling drunkenly.

"yes, kaoru. where the fuck were you? you were supposed to be the one to speak up front earlier to welcome the guests, not me, because i was the one who arranged this. and now boss said he wanted to talk to me about something." kasumi vented to her friend while her friend's grin just got wider, further infuriating her.

"whY THE HELL ARE YOU SMILING KAORU I-"

"calm the fuck down, kasumi, don't let boss get into your nerves, okay? its just me, so inhale, exhale. nice! see, just go drink your shits and talk to boss later. maybe hand in your resignation slip, you know?" kaoru laughed while wiggling her eyebrows and hugging kasumi.

the two talked to each other for a while before kasumi bid her goodbye and stood up to head to the direction she was supposed to go to earlier.

her heels clacked on the expensive marbled flooring while her black silk dress hugged her curvaceous body, gently flowing while walking.

upon reaching her destination, there she saw her boss with at least 4 women whispering and flirting with him, one on his lap and 3 beside him, along side with his other friends and acquaintances. they both shared a glance momentarily as kasumi forcefully smiled to her boss.

"ah yes, everyone, excuse me for i have something to finish up with my personal assistant." her boss announced to all the people around him, making kasumi uncomfortable and embarrassed, by all the stares she accumulated and daggers she got from the women who was flirting earlier with her boss.

"let's go, darling." sentence uttered by her boss before they left the place with him grabbing her wrist, and oh heavenly archons how irritated kasumi was because of her boss' actions and words.

she was practically being dragged away the from the event area, their shoes resonating throughout the empty hallways that are connected to the parking lot when she asked him, "excuse me sir, but where are we going? i thought you said you wanted to talk to me?"

"hmmm, yes. that's right, don't worry, kasumi-chan, we're just going to talk while where on a late night drive, and it'll definitely enlighten you. now get in the car." he ordered with flirty yet stern voice but kasumi did not budge at all - she just stared in disbelief to her boss, anger bubbling up within her.

"kasumi, we both know that i don't like repeating myself, now do what i said, please."

"i'm sorry but i don't think i'll go with you since we can talk here. so just say what you need to say so i can get on with my life, thank you." she declared cheekily.

"i said get in the car, why are yo-" he blurted out with annoyance but was cut off when kasumi said, "seems to me like you don't have anything to say, well i have one, i'm resigning, kitamura-san, i'll hand the file tomorrow, so if you have any requests, tell them to your next assistant." then proceeds to walk away that made her boss snap.

rushing towards her with malice and anger, with his system being controlled by the alcohol he consumed earlier, he grabbed kasumi's hair making her stumble and lose her balance, while the towering man held her waist with his left arm and his right arm held her face forcefully, and whispered to her from behind, "that's what i hate about you, you're so fucking stubborn, you and your smart ass mouth, i hate it so fucking much makes me want to shove my dick down your throat to make you obey me, and cry you bitch."

kasumi had chills run down her spine when she heard her boss mutter those words to her, and when she felt him grinding on her from behind ㅡ the last string of patience she had snapped in half, all she can see was red.

she used all her strength to stomp on the man's foot making him clutch down because of pain inflicted by her stiletto, releasing his hands that grasped her smaller frame. her hands then moved swiftly with anger to slap the man before her, knees being lifted up to kick his crotch making him to finally crumple down on the floor, silently mumbling profanities under his breath containing hatred.

"the next time you pull that stunt with me, or with other girls, i'll make sure you won't have something called dick after that." she threatened, voice laced with venom as she tried to wipe the ruffles that ruined her expensive, dusk colored dress.

"don't think you'll get away with this, bitch." the man croaked out while standing up, eyes filled with animosity, but then falling on his knees once again when a sharp, solid whipping sound tore through his thighs, vermillion colored blood gushing out of the gaping hole that was shot, followed by his shrill, agonized wail.

"seems like you grew stronger these past few years, kasumi-chan." a familiar voice grinned, few meters away from her.

"haruchiyo." she whispered under her breath, astounded.

***

"kasumi? are you listening?" a soft feminine voice spoke out, breaking the deep trance the raven coloured hair girl was in - chasmic ebony eyes stared at the person next to her, embarrassment creeping up in her system, realizing that she hasn't paid any attention to the words and sentences that her friend was telling her.

"i'm sorry, kaoru. what were you saying again?" she apologized, tuning her attention towards her half eaten sandwich that she was munching earlier.

"i was asking you if you know that boy over there, 5 o'clock," kasumi whipped her head towards the direction her friend gave her, eyes landing on a somewhat familiar person - he had a medium length hair dyed with bleach blonde, eyes glimmering like precious blue zircon gem, long and beautiful eyelashes that highlighted his daring eyes and a noticeable black mask covering half of his face. he looked so serene among the vast crowd filled with bustling people.

"sanzu?" she asked turning her head to her friend who's eyes sparked with curiosity and underlying suspicions.

"how'd you know him?" the petite girl squinted her eyes to her friend, making kasumi roll her ebony orbs. "i just happen to know his name. after all, he's in a gang, right? toman, i think."

"i wasn't aware that you know about gangs, kasumi-chan. perhaps you like their leader, huh." her friend teased earning another eye roll from her brunette friend. "i'm just kidding. its just that i haven't saw him without his mask. some people say he has nasty scar on both side of his mouth, and i don't know if its legit, but given the fact that he wears that mask, its probably true." kaoru shrugged and stood up to head to their class.

sanzu haruchiyo. he was definitely mysterious, kasumi mused, as she walked. he was quiet and he had a calm demeanor when he talks. they weren't close but they shared a small talk in the past, and usually its just about school, like each of their classes borrowing and returning some school supplies and other little things. she never even heard him speak more than 7 words. well, it wasn't a big deal, since she thinks that he's just an another person on this world who has probably their own shits to deal with. he was insignificant to her as she was to him. or so she thought.

their room was filled with silent mumblings, a heavenly boring stupor that kasumi tried to fight, heavily lidded eyes blinking slowly in the hopes of trying to understand their lesson - she was tired and sleepy and it was not long until their class ended, her mind being awakened once again like a newborn baby, because she's going home.

their house reeked of alcohol and despair, of cigarettes and sorrow - it was a hopeless sight. everything was a mess. kasumi then heard a faint coughing on their kitchen and there she saw her ill mother who's trying to wash the dishes with her frail arms, her thin and small frame found her daughter who rushed to her side to help her do the chores but then just told her to sit down and rest.

"mama, you're not supposed to be doing that. you're the one here who needs to rest, i can handle that. besides, where's papa?"

"he's out, i think. but don't worry, kasumi i'm almost finished. we can then eat dinner afterwards so you can talk to me about what happened today with you? you don't have work tonight, right sweetheart?" her mother's voice was definitely her haven, it was warm and sweet. "yes, sure." the girl replied, already at ease but then her phone chimed loudly, signaling that someone texted her - it was her co-worker that texted her he can't attend his shift, and was asking kasumi to be the one to replace him for the mean time.

what are the fucking odds.

her mother noticed the younger's change of emotion and asked, "who was it, sweetheart?" and it pained kasumi to leave her mother alone again but she needs to work. she needs the money. "i need to go, i actually have work since im covering for my co-worker's shift. i'll be right back, so make sure you eat your dinner. i love you." she kissed her mother on her forehead before she left.

***

"thank you, come again!" the girl chimed in, weariness evident in her voice. it was 2:30am and god knows how tired she was. this was supposed to be her day off but the universe just straight up said no.

"nakashima-san, i'm so sorry, you can now go, i'll take it from here on. please take this on your way home as a compensation for what you did to me. thank you! take care on your way home." her co-worker apologized, shyly smiling and blush evident on his cheeks as he handed her a plastic bag filled with some foods and snacks.

kasumi uttered her thanks, with a small smile as she went to change her clothes to go home already as all she wants to do right now was sleep and rest.

upon reaching the store's parking area for bicycles, she noticed that one its tires was flat. she sighed loudly, venting out her exasperation and frustration.

"well, guess i'll walk then. fuckkkkkk. this isn't my day huh." she groaned, muttering some profanities before going on her way home.

it was a chilly night, the breeze was crisp and wintry, with her trembling breath rising up forming a ghostly smoke, vanishing into thin air as she exhales. her whole body was quivering because her cardigan was too thin for this type of weather. kasumi hugged herself in hopes of warming herself up. the skies were tainted with midnight blue perfectly combined with the pitch black heavens decorated with gleaming constellations and stars, along with the dimly hanged moon.

her way home usually takes around 30-40 minutes with her bike, and around an hour and a half if one decides to walk. it was a peaceful and cold night not until she passed this one dark alleyway where there were 2 men laughing their asses off, and another one drinking away his life. kasumi paid no attention to the men and just picked up her walking pace to quickly get out of the picture when her left arm was sharply snatched by one of the men in the dark alleyway.

"hey pretty, wanna have fun with us?" the man grinned like a maniac, his yellow teeth visible and his breath smelled like rum and hostility combined together. the other men laughed like crazy while the last one ogled at kasumi's body.

"no, let me go you ugly bastards." kasumi snapped, snatching her hand away from the man, before turning away to run. she wasn't dumb to not pick up what in fuck was happening back there, so she tried to regain her composure by trying to find her phone to dial the number of her friend who's probably still awake by now to call for help when her hair was maliciously dragged backwards making her lose her balance only to fall on the ground and be dragged away. the plastic bag she was carrying along with her phone was now nowhere to be found.

only her hoarse cry for help was audible, she was too slow, too tired, too exhausted for all of the things happening to her - but her body was flailing so hard, trying to release herself from the man's tight grasp on her hair and it felt like its going to be ripped off her head anytime soon when they stopped on the same alleyway the men were previously drinking. "bitch thought she can get away with us, well let me tell you something sweetheart, we don't take no as an answer. plus you were wearing that thin-ass blouse, you're trying to seduce us after all so let's have fun shall we?" the bald headed man smirked while he held kasumi down on the ground.

she was terrified, frustrated, and she's doing her best to try and fight them all away. she was able to slap and kick the two of them, desperation was highly evident as she frantically scramble to her feet but that was as far as she can go for she was violently punched and slapped before she fell down with her vision getting hazy, tears streaming down her face non-stop as she lost all her energy to fight. everything was becoming blurry and she was now just hoping for everything to just end.

she was so lost in her train of thought that she didn't even realize that the men who were trying to break and ruin her were now out cold, laying on the freezing ground while a man towered over them.

"stand up." was all kasumi heard when she snap back to reality and saw a figure standing before her, wearing an all black outfit - black jacket, black jeans, and a black mask. his straight bleach colored hair was neatly tied up in a ponytail too.

"stand up." sanzu repeated as kasumi tried to stand up, still shaken by what happened to her and the picture of the scene before her. kasumi then felt something drape over her shoulder when sanzu came near her, his mint and delicate masculine scent filling her senses.

"follow me." was all the boy said before he exited the alleyway leaving her all alone with his jacket that he gave her. following his footsteps, while tightly clutching his jacket, she saw a shiny, and expensive looking car few meters out the alleyway with sanzu standing near it, and as she got closer to him, she heard him say, "get in."

not wanting and not having enough energy to fight nor say anything, kasumi just silently obliged to what he said. after getting inside the vehicle, sanzu followed afterwards, turning on the car and driving to god knows where - kasumi was drained, and she couldn't care less what would happen anymore although she wanted to say and atleast utter her gratitude towards the boy beside her, but her voice just seems to be gone. the car ride with him was silent, but it wasn't awkward. it wasn't uncomfortable. it wasn't scary either, rather, it was surprisingly comforting.

moments later, kasumi saw a familiar house outside her window when sanzu pulled up and opened the door for her, handing her some of the things she brought earlier - her bag and her phone.

he didn't talk, he didn't say anything before heading out and going inside his car once again, and driving away.

kasumi was dumbfounded.

she have so many questions whirling over her head like, how did he know my place? why did he do that?

she entered their house with her head aching - cross that out, with her whole body aching, everything that happened to her this day had taken a toll on her. she was definitely traumatized and shaken by what happened. with her literally dragging her body towards her room desperate to rest and lay down on the soft and smooth mattress.

and even though she was almost raped, and potentially murdered, the one thing that stuck in her head was sanzu. sanzu haruchiyo.

and she swore to find him tomorrow before she fell into a deep slumber.

#bonten #bonten tokyorev #sanzu haruchiyo #tokyo manji gang #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers kokonoi #toman sanzu #toman gang

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laceymorganwrites · 3 years

Text

The story of the sad chapter 17

Word count: 1,792

Pairing: Ban x goddess!reader

Warnings: uuuuh swearing, maybe a teeny tiny bit of blood and gore?

A/N: eheheehhe we´re back~ I´ll try to update this at least once a month but I can´t promise anything. thanks for your support

Grabbing your sword, you dashed forward and slashed Hendrickson´s shoulder, though the wound you inflicted didn´t last very long, soon you were followed by your friends, each of you getting a few good hits in.

Though nothing seemed to work, in this state he was invincible and it enraged you.

How dare he use magic as dark as this? Wasn´t he aware of what happened all those millennia ago? Wasn´t he aware of the consequences? What goal could be so great as to forget all about that?

Resurrecting the demon clan to him meant power, but he didn´t think about the source of it, he didn´t think about the fact that they would betray him as soon as they could walk the earth again.

“Leave the rest to us…” Meliodas announced to Elizabeth before joining the fight.

The princess now rested next to Hawk, trying to protect his dead body.

You tried to regain your composure and focus on the fight, trying to make out Hendrickson´s weak points, but he kept attacking you and your friends so that it was almost impossible.

In a flurry of magical blows, Gowther lost his head and glasses, you almost stepped on them, but quickly picked them up to hand them over to him.

Meliodas told all of you to get ready for your big attack.

A smile formed on your lips, finally.

It was time.

All of you got ready to use your strongest attack on Meliodas, so that he could in turn counter them on Hendrickson.

You made it your mission to distract the demon while Meliodas gathered as much magic as he could, using your wings to take him off his feet and slashing your sword at him with full force.

“Tell me, what did you gain from all this? You know, demonic magic might be strong on its own, but you underestimated us! This is the end for you” you called out to Hendrickson, letting him know that he has lost.

It was impossible to dodge or stop Meliodas´ attack at this point.

The shockwave from the attack was so great that it shook the ground, you had trouble staying on your feet and fell against Ban, who caught you.

He smiled at you, even through the chaos and was more than relieved and happy to see you mostly unharmed.

All eyes were on the exhausted Meliodas as Merlin returned with the king, he was better now since she treated him.

You looked around the battlefield, holding Ban´s hand tightly and took in the damage and loss, but also a bitter sense of victory. At least for now.

For now you allowed yourself to smile, to exhale the breath you didn´t realize you were holding, to revel in your boyfriend´s presence and feel the happiness of him being there with you.

In a fit of guilt the holy knights knelt down before the king, apologizing for their sins and asking for his punishment.

You had to chuckle a bit, they were good souls after all. But that was just how the demons liked it, they took the good souls and made them rotten, good souls were easier to corrupt, to bend to their will.

It wasn´t their fault, they simply were taken in by a greater power than them. A power they simply couldn´t defeat by themselves.

The king announced that there would be no punishment and that the knights should repent for their sins in rebuilding the kingdom and working hard.

Then the king faced you and your friends, expressing his gratitude.

“I guess that´s just what we do” you chuckled.

“We can´t help but aid those in need” you stated, smiling at him.

No matter how evil they painted you as, your group were always after helping people.

Elizabeth also got praised for being brave and making this all possible, if she hadn´t searched for your group and wouldn´t have stumbled into your bar, you wouldn´t have been reunited with all the others.

Well, most of them anyway.

The princess started crying, blaming herself for Hawk´s death, while you and Ban went over to his dead body to pay your respects.

He had been with you in those years when you were almost happy, always being there for you and everyone else.

As if by some sort of miracle, the little pig revived, making everyone around you smile in shock and happiness.

You only smiled to yourself and looked over to Elizabeth, she probably didn´t even realize what she just did.

A part of you was glad she didn´t, that meant she didn´t remember anything heartbreaking and utterly sad, but even so… not remembering your one true love was still the worst curse in your opinion.

Everyone cheered and for a moment it felt as if everything was back to normal, whatever that strange state might be.

Elizabeth hugged Meliodas and healed his wounds, once again not comprehending it was her doing.

She reunited with her sister, overwhelmed by everything happening, her cheerfulness knew no bounds.

You leaned against Ban a bit and he laid an arm around you, pulling you closer to him and gently tracing his fingers over your shoulder.

Exhausted you all made your way back to the Boar Hat to rest a bit.

“I just want to sleep… for a week” you groaned as you threw yourself onto the bed.

Elaine giggled.

“But then you´d just miss everything! And we´d miss you” she joined you on bed, resting her head on your shoulder.

“Hm, okay you got a point” you thought out loud, shifting a bit so you were more comfortable to which Elaine jokingly complained.

“You can´t even sit still even when you´re supposed to rest, can you?” she giggled.

“I guess not….it used to be so easy back then. After every battle I´d just sleep the whole day” you reminisced.

It was a nice memory, the bed always felt the softest after a long and hard battle. Returning home meant feeling each and every one of your muscles ache, sneaking out to meet Estarossa for a bit only to have to hurry up the rest of the way so you wouldn´t cause any suspicions.

And nobody would bother you in the day after the battle, it was a peace and quiet you didn´t know anymore.

But it was also one you never wanted to have again.

You much preferred the chaos of your friends, talking with Ban until you both fell asleep in each other´s arms.

“Now you have something to fight for” Elaine smiled and you nodded.

You never gave it much thought back then. Sure, you always thought you did it for your friends, but you didn´t have friends. It was simply your duty you had to fulfill, the expectations that came from leading the army rested heavy on your shoulders, making you more exhausted than ever.

But now you had your friends and love lifting you up, cheering for you, truly. It made you feel so alive, more vibrant than the brightest colors imaginable.

You would always give it your all when it came to protecting your loved ones.

With that thought and a smile on your face you and Elaine slowly fell asleep.

Within the next few days the rebuilding of the capital and everything else that got destroyed was of the utmost importance.

Everyone helped and of course so did you.

It was nice having a routine again, it felt going back to your normal every day life even though you never had anything of the sort.

Though lately you seemed to crave normality.

It wasn´t like your life was bad at any means, it was just that you were sick of fighting.

Elaine and you were on lookout and helped rebuild the roofs and other things in high places, handing the others the things they needed.

Together you worked quite quickly, after all you unfortunately had a lot of experience.

After a while you came down to the ground again and stretched your tired muscles.

“I´ll go see what the others are up to, keep an eye on everything for me, will you?” you smiled and Elaine nodded.

“I hope they´re almost done! The festival is about to start” she reminded you to which you nodded and made your way to the Boar Hat.

As soon as you stepped through the door you could smell Ban´s cooking, making you even hungrier than before.

You exchanged loving smiles and you joined him behind the counter, checking your inventory.

“Mel, we need to stock up soon” you remarked and he nodded.

“Yeah don´t worry about that!” he said.

Gilthunder visited you a bit after you arrived and sat down to talk with Meliodas.

Meanwhile you and Ban sneaked into the kitchen, cleaning up together.

Well, you were cleaning until Ban grinned at you and gently pushed you against the wall, a dreamy smile on his lips and his eyes full of adoration as he closed the distance between you and kissed you passionately.

His one hand gently cupping your cheek, tracing his fingers over your beautiful skin, his other placed on your waist to be even closer to you.

Heaven wasn´t a place, no. It was right here, right now in this moment. With you.

Your lips against his, this feeling of needing air but not wanting it, craving more and more of your touch.

This was truly heaven to him.

You eagerly kissed back and hooked your arms around his neck, smiling into the kiss and just enjoying his presence.

If you could you would stay like this forever.

Ban still had the same look in his eyes as he broke the kiss, so focused on you, getting lost in this moment. Nothing else counted right now. It was like the outside world didn´t exist.

“Fuck, I really love you, you know that?” he whispered, his smile never leaving his lips.

Time stopped, your heart jumped out of your chest and stopped at the same time.

Those were the words you both dreaded and wished for at the same time.

And now that he uttered them, you didn´t know what to say.

“You don´t have to say it back right now, I just wanted you to know. Now was the right moment for me and I will wait for yours to come. And if it doesn´t that´s alright too. I would never pressure you into anything. You´re too precious to me” he said and it was in this moment that you knew, though something held you back.

You didn´t like it in the first place, this queasy feeling in your stomach.

Ban laid an arm around you as you two exited the kitchen, celebrating Elizabeth officially joining your party.

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witchbitchheadedtoaditch · 3 years

Text

Shadow Work Prompts Part 2

Hello my loves! I'm going to add some more shadow work prompts (primarily because... Kaye needs to do shadow work and maybe this will convince them to do it. (It won't. We all know it won't. But we can hope....))

I'm gonna put these below the cut just so people don't have to scroll through this long as fuck list on their dash if they don't want to see them lol

Some of these are really, really heavy, and do touch on things like sexual assault, abuse, death, etc., so this is the trigger warning for you.

A lot of these are also focused on women and AFAB folks because I'm trying to reconcile with my femininity and whatnot.

Anne Carson Quotes

You remember too much, my mother said to me recently. Why hold onto all that? And I said, Where can I put it down?

Why does tragedy exist? Because you are full of rage. Why are you full of rage? Because you are full of grief.

Words bounce. Words, if you let them, will do what they want to do and what they have to do.

Eros is an issue of boundaries. He exists because certain boundaries do. ... Eros: the boundary of flesh and self between you and me.

Desire is no light thing.

It is easier to tell a story of how people wound one another than of what binds them together.

Reality is a sound, you have to tune in to it not just keep yelling.

All mortals owe a debt to death.

...sex is a substitute, like money or language.

...your story begins the moment Eros enters you. That incursion is the biggest risk of your life. How you handle it is an index of the quality, wisdom, and decorum of the things inside you.

Myths are stories about people who become too big for their lives temporarily, so that they crash into other lives or brush against gods. In crisis their souls are visible.

Philosophers say man forms himself in dialogue.

There is no person without a world.

If there is anything dearer than being alive, it's dark to me.

We humans seem disastrously in love with this thing... life.

The underworld's a blank and all the rest just fantasy.

Caught between the tongue and the taste.

What is mortality after all but divine doubt flashing over us? For an instant God suspends assent and poof! we disappear.

Girls are cruelest to themselves.

What really connects words and things?

Blessed be they whose lives do not taste of evil

Perhaps the hardest thing about losing a lover is to watch the year repeat its days.

Consider incompleteness as a verb.

You can get used to anything, my mother was in the habit of saying.

I am talking about evil. It blooms. It eats. It grins.

I don't want to be a person. I want to be unbearable.

Beauty makes me hopeless.

The dead... are victims of love, many of them.

To live past the end of your myth is a perilous thing.

You read a hundred military manuals you won't find the word kill they trick you into killing.

I went mad, a god hurt me, I fell.

Those nights lying alone are not discontinuous with this cold hectic dawn. It is who I am.

Love does not make me gentle or kind.

Your grief is as great as your splendor was: some god is weighing the one out equal to the other.

You can never know enough, never work enough, ... never leave the mind quickly enough.

Language is what eases the pain of living with other people, language is what makes the wounds come open again.

Where does unbelief begin?

Everything that is me is with me.

A wound gives off its own light...

I began to think I was someone thirsting for God.

You are a person in love with the impossible.

When we are denied a story, a light goes off.

Some conversations are not what they're about.

I lack myself.

Who knows what will happen if I'm alone with my grief.

I... forbid that you should ever lose your screams.

You are not a god. You are not that enlarged self. Indeed, you are not even a whole self, as you now see. Your new knowledge of possibilities is also a knowledge of what is lacking in the actual.

There is a loneliness that fills the plain.

The women of mythology regularly lose their form in monstrosity.

We live by waters breaking out of the heart.

Time as hunger. Time passing and gazing. Time as perseverance. Mountain time. Time as paper folded to look like a mountain. Time compared to the wild fantastic silence of stars.

What are we made of but hunger and rage?

When I look at you, even for a moment, no speaking is left in me.

Kelly Cherry Quotes

I didn't find my story; it found me.

There is blood everywhere and I am lost in it. I breathe blood, not air.

The story of [their] great-grandfather [or any ancestor]... was [their] own story, too.

Ashe Vernon Quotes

Don't you dare, for one minute, believe that my kindness makes me anything but insurmountable.

Understand that I am not your next victim in a laundry list of broken girls.

I will eat you alive before I let you make a meal of me.

What they don't tell you about standing up for what you believe in is that your feet will bruise and your legs will ache.

I'd like to take a moment to submit a formal apology to my soft parts because they kept me warm when I was trying to freeze to death, and I hated them for it.

I let myself be afraid.

When you learn you are only as good as your beauty routine, you forget how to define yourself by anything else.

I will know how to be vulnerable with you, but I won't know how to not regret it.

I know how to put my body inside someone else's but not how to make it beautiful.

I love better at a distance.

I am as much lion as I am lion tamer.

I got good at inflicting pain the same way I got good at soothing it.

Quit picking old wounds and going tor walks in the aches and pains you already made it through--you call it healing, but it sounds like a good way to take a haunting home with you.

I am a cathedral of almost-lovers

Louise Gluck Quotes

We look at the world once, in childhood. The rest is memory.

I thought that pain meant I was not loved. It meant I loved.

The soul is silent. If it speaks at all it speaks in dreams.

Intense love always leads to mourning.

You will never let go, you will never be satiated.

It will feed you, it will ravish you, it will not keep you alive.

Why love what you will lose? There is nothing else to love.

I speak because I am shattered.

I don't need your praise to survive.

Whatever returns from oblivion returns to find a voice.

Nakedness in women is always a pose. I was not transfigured. I would never be free.

The unsaid, for me, exerts great power.

I am tired of human... I want to live on the sun

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

There are places like this... you enter as a young girl... you never return.

Writing is a kind of revenge against circumstance, too: bad luck, loss, pain. If you make something out of it, then you've no longer been bested by these events.

The riddle was: why couldn't we live in the mind. The answer was: the barrier of the earth intervened.

It is true that there is not enough beauty in the world. It is also true that I am not competent to restore it. Neither is there candor, and here I may be of some use.

You're not a creature in body. You exist as the stars exist, participating in their stillness, their immensity.

And then, suddenly, something is over.

You must be taught to love me. Human beings must be taught to love silence and darkness.

Sappho Quotes

Someone will remember us/I say/even in another time.

Their heart grew cold. They let their wings down.

What cannot be said will be wept.

What is beautiful is good, and who is good will soon be beautiful

Once again love drives me on, that loosener of limbs, bittersweet creature against which nothing can be done.

Love shook my heart like the wind on the mountain rushing over the oak trees

Love is a cunning weaver of fantasies and fables.

I know not what to do, my mind is divided.

The female creature is a letter.

No holy place existed without us then

She who loves roses must be patient and not cry when she is pierced by thorns.

Because I prayed this word: I want.

If you had a desire for good or beautiful things and your tongue were not concocting some evil to say, shame would not hold down your eyes but rather you would speak about what is just.

Wealth without virtue is no harmless neighbor.

I am weary of all your words and soft, strange ways.

Paisley Rekdal Quotes

Does it offend you to watch me working in it, touching my hands to the greening tips or tearing the yellow stalks back, so wild the living and dead both snap off in my hands?

I can wait longer than sadness.

It is such a small thing to be proud of.

Should I, too, not be loved?

We are even now still so young

I loved him. I loved forgiving him.

Yasmin Belkhyr Quotes

Contrary to wound, I still know nothing of defeat.

Contrary to ache, I still know nothing of guilt.

I help: a good daughter.

Someone always ends up holding something mangled.

It wasn't enough to feel... he had to see, to know.

Adrienne Rich Quotes

There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep and still be counted as warriors.

Lying is done with words, and also with silence

Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence, grappling with hard work.

When a woman tells the truth she is creating the possibility for more truth around her.

My heart is moved by all I cannot save: so much has been destroyed

If you are trying to transform a brutalized society into one where people can live in dignity and hope, you begin with the empowering of the most powerless. You build from the ground up.

Until we know the assumptions in which we are drenched, we cannot know ourselves.

The truth of our bodies and our minds has been mystified to us.

It will take all your heart, it will take all your breath. It will be short, it will not be simple.

You look at me like an emergency.

The unconscious wants truth. It ceases to speak to those who want something else more than truth.

In a world where language and naming are power, silence is oppression, is violence.

There is no 'the truth', 'a truth'--truth is not one thing, or even a system. It is an increasing complexity. The pattern of the carpet is a surface. When we look closely, or when we become weavers, we learn of the tiny multiple threads unseen in the overall pattern, the knots on the underside of the carpet.

The moment of change is the only poem

There is nothing revolutionary whatsoever about the control of women's bodies by men. The woman's body is the terrain on which the patriarchy is erected.

The scars bear witness but whether to repair or to destruction I no longer know.

Not biology, but ignorance of ourselves, has been the key to our powerlessness

What kind of beast would turn its life into words?

Truthfulness, honor, is not something which springs ablaze of itself; it has been created between people.

You touched me in places so deep I wanted to ignore you

Silence can be a plan rigorously executed, the blueprint to a life, it is a presence, it has a history, a form. Do not confuse it with any kind of absence.

Most women have not even been able to touch this anger, except to drive it inward like a rusted nail.

We have lived with violence for so long.

This is my body, take it and destroy it

We have been raised to fear the yes within ourselves, our deepest cravings. And the fear of our deepest cravings keeps them suspect, keeps us docile and loyal and obedient, and leads us to settle for... many facets of our own oppression.

Every journey into the past is complicated by delusions, false memories, false namings of real events.

A language is a map of our failures.

The more I live the more I think two people together is a miracle.

Poetry is, among other things, a criticism of language.

How do you make it, all the way from here to morning?

An honorable human relationship--that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word "love"--is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other.

You grieve in loneliness, and if I understand you fuck in loneliness.

We write from the marrow of our bones.

The liar has many friends, and leads an existence of great loneliness

We must use what we have to invent what we desire.

William Styron Quotes

We're all in this game together.

In depression this faith in deliverance, in ultimate restoration, is absent. The pain is unrelenting, and what makes the condition intolerable is the foreknowledge that no remedy will come-not in a day, an hour, a month, or a minute.

It is hopelessness even more than pain that crushes the soul

We each devise our means of escape from the intolerable.

Reading--the best state yet to keep absolute loneliness at bay.

Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.

Let your love flow out on all living things.

Loss in all of its manifestations is the touchstone of depression--in the progress of the disease and, most likely, in its origin.

Kai Cheng Thom Quotes

I wanted to protect you, but I'm starting to think that the best thing you can do for people is teach them how to protect themselves. Every girl needs to be at least a little dangerous.

A sanctuary is a place where the door only locks from the inside.

Sometimes to be somebody else, you have to be nobody first.

You will be able to stop hurting people when you stop hurting yourself.

When you're a child trapped in a situation of physical or psychological depravation, you learn shame as an efficient, elegant mechanism of survival: shame simultaneously shields you from the reality that danger is out of your control (since the problem is not that you're unloved and deprived; it's that you're Bad) and prevents you from doing or saying anything challenging that might provoke a threat.

It's good for you to cry sometimes. Even if there isn't a reason.

When you live in a community of queers, anarchists, & activists, crisis is the baseline and stability an outlier.

You are mine like nothing has ever been before.

Safety is, I believe, an inherently classed, raced, and gendered experience that frequently runs the risk of being used for regressive ends--ironically, for restricting the freedoms of the vulnerable, those who are never really safe. Often, we see the call for safety actually reinforce the power of oppressive institutions, like the police and the prison system, in our lives. When we choose safety over liberation, our movements fail.

When they looked at me and my sister, even their love was hungry.

Some people will cling on to anything that makes them feel even a little bit free.

Forget, if you can, all the promises you've ever made and the lies that you've told.

Once you start hurting people, you can't stop

I feel tired. I don't want to be myself anymore.

Sometimes it's important to be alive.

Sometimes, there is nothing you can do but surrender.

You are always disappearing in the hope of being seen. You are always shrinking to fit into someone else's arms. You are collapsing ever inward, a galaxy to become smaller.

Gregory Orr Quotes

If we're not supposed to dance, why all this music?

Even hell is holy.

I was born with a knife in one hand and a wound in the other.

Maybe she loved me, maybe not--who knows? Not even the gods can see into a human heart--it's that dark.

Writing often reveals us to ourselves, lets us name what's important to us and what has been silent or silenced inside us.

And to live only once--what if that's not enough?

Maybe it was always simple: loss surrounds us. Who would deny it? We ourselves are loss, are lost.

I want to study the book of the world: every vanishing page.

The dead sing us songs I'm learning to answer.

#shadow work #shadowwork #prompts #shadow work prompts #witchblr

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mittensmorgul · 3 years

Note

Can’t everyone use tumblr how they want?

YES!

This site is exactly what people make of it for themselves. That was the exact point of that post. The fact that people reacted negatively to it at all proves my point. Seriously.

I have a number of other anons that are clearly from people who don't actually follow me, and are only here in a reactionary fashion having seen it on someone else's reblog, or else heard about it in passing and decided the best reaction to an ultimately harmless and rather bumbling post was to take personal offense and bring anonymous hate to a stranger on the internet. (and at least one not-anonymous "go kill yourself" type comment on the post itself)

THAT was the point of making that post.

For people who might be new to this fandom or new to tumblr in general (or even for people who have been here for years), your experience here is exactly what you make of it. I haven't seen that sort of vitriolic kneejerk reaction to anything I've written or posted in years. That post touched nerves. So it was a bit of an experiment, and I'm sorry to everyone who experienced any of that negativity second-hand. NOBODY should be made to feel like shit when engaging with something that is supposed to be fun. But I've learned over the years that that's exactly what some people consider fun.

There are new people to this fandom since the absolute free for all of the weeks after November 5th. We all reveled in those weeks before the show collapsed in on itself two weeks later. It was like 15 years worth of Hiatus Blogging followed by... well... some of the worst genuine hurt and disillusionment I've ever experienced or witnessed inflicted on a fandom by a piece of media.

There have to be at least a few people who floated into this fandom during that emotional roller coaster who want to make sense of it all, who were at least curious enough about how a show could've brought the characters to that emotional moment in 15.18 before effectively ignoring it all and burning the entire 15 year narrative to nothing just two episodes later.

Some folks stuck around to dig through the ashes of fandom in search of carrion, and that's fine. Some have zero desire to ever engage with the show or the fandom beyond mocking it for ever having existed at all, and that is also fine! But some folks? They might be wondering why anyone ever saw anything in this narrative to begin with, and they might be interested in knowing that there is this vast collection of information available to them (funny that none of my self-righteous anons even mentioned those, outside of one pointing out that my phrasing introducing that section of links was easily interpreted as condescending... which... yeah... again that was the point, and no I will not edit that language. none of us are free from sin).

Tumblr hasn't "changed." It was always this way. This site is not a monolith. Fandom is not a monolith. Even smaller groups within fandom aren't monoliths. Things that are considered "tumblr standard etiquette" do not exist across this entire website. And even within the supernatural fandom, and even within the tumblr-destiel-portion of the fandom there aren't "rules" dictating how you interact with anyone. Well, the one specific rule we should all be able to agree on is that you don't bring hate to real actual human beings, and yet...

There has ALWAYS been the option to engage with fandom here on whatever level an individual chooses. And that hasn't really changed since the finale aired. Anyone who thinks that Tumblr or the fandom has "evolved" or "changed" has likely just fallen in with a different fandom bubble then they'd existed within before. None of the bubbles have actually popped or disappeared. But which one you experience is entirely your own choice. You curate your experience here.

That was the point, illustrated by the vast array of comments I actually got on that post, structured with a little bit of everything including "tumblr mom from 2014." Everything pisses some people off, you know? Even the perception that some stranger on the internet might dare to lay down an arbitrary "rule" that zero people actually have to follow. See what I mean?

Because if any of the people who kneejerked at it actually followed me, or knew me at all, they wouldn't have kneejerked. They would've seen the point.

So your experience is what you make of it here. There are resources for people actually interested in engaging with the narrative or the fandom or the history of it. People mock "tumblr moms" or "fandom moms" all the time, but there wouldn't ~be~ a fandom without the people who actually build those resources. I.e. adults with the time, money, and personal investment in actually sustaining the fandom, instead of running around with torches trying to burn it down at every new whiff of perceived ~drama~ to latch on to.

For example, all of the scripts we've been acquiring and sharing with the entire fandom free of charge. I know that the fandom bubbles who seize on those scripts like hungry vultures to cough back up out of context "gotcha" posts postulating whatever theory of the differences between script and screen will dredge up the most drama or outrage in their fandom bubble... they haven't even considered how those scripts were acquired and made available to them. To them, they are "leaks." They are gifts that fell out of the sky and landed in their laps. There isn't even the barest curiosity about their origins or relevance beyond whatever social nourishment they derive by making up stuff and spouting it out with unearned authority. It's sad. But if that's how they enjoy the fandom, it's nice to remind them that none of the fandom they cannibalize would exist without the rest of us, too.

Yes, even the people you disagree with. Even the people who ship the things you find disgusting or repulsive. Even people who have an entirely different experience to your own. Even the people who are only here for those gotcha posts.

Fandom is not by nature a nihilistic shitshow, or no fandom would survive the amount of drama the 1% try to bring to it. Here have a fanlore article about this phenomenon. Right now, in Supernatural fandom, it feels like more than 1%, but I promise it really is only 1%. They're just really loud. There's actually other avenues to participatory fandom available to anyone who chooses to find them. Parts of this vast fandom that aren't focused on that 1% of reactionary leg-chewing at every turn. None of them are (as the linked article confirms) truly 100% free of unnecessary drama or bad behavior (including ME, I mean I MADE THAT POST!), but on tumblr you can curate your own experience. Fandom actually can be fun without burning down the thing you claim to be a fan of, or attacking other real human people for having the audacity to exist on the internet in a way you might believe is out of touch or pathetic. Seriously, nobody deserves to experience that from anyone over a fucking television show. Like seriously, take a step back and examine your life and your choices at that point.

Tumblr was exactly the same as a fandom community when I joined as it is now. Throughout my entire time here, I've curated my own personal experience to exactly what I derive the most personal satisfaction from. During that time I have had numerous friends and mutuals lament that their personal experience had become so toxic, but they were afraid to trim those blogs from their dash for fear of having no content left to engage with at all. For years there have been follow lists and blog recs and people desperate to find a more "peaceful and fun" fandom experience. People grow exhausted and embittered when their entire experience of fandom is an emotionally draining drama train. It's like pandemic doom scrolling, but for the thing that should be a respite from that sort of mindset, something that's supposed to be entertainment. The show did enough to us all, we don't have to turn around and re-inflict it on each other day in and day out on tumblr dot com.

So if even one person saw my post and thought well shit maybe I actually want to engage with a wider swath of fandom and see what's there, after seven months of post-finale drama, this whole other region of fandom is still here, still being the curators of the archives, the creators of stories and art and meta and gifs and videos and actually caring about it all that will keep this fandom going long after the current round of exhausting drama inevitably plays itself out.

The amount of in-group language in the negative replies I got was unsurprising. It's like folks are living in an alternate universe that doesn't mesh at all with what I experience on this exact same hellsite. Almost like we exist in entirely different bubbles of fandom, with entirely different purposes for existing at all. Everyone on this hellsite gets to pick which bubble (or bubbles) to take up residence in. Some people simply forget that their personal bubble isn't the universal defining experience of this site. Unfortunately, I doubt my little disruption to their bubbles will actually make any of them see that, but you anon... I think you did.

You are highly encouraged to engage with fandom EXACTLY THE WAY YOU CHOOSE. You have the ultimate power in controlling your entire experience here. Tumblr and Supernatural Fandom on tumblr is not Just One Thing that everyone who wants to participate in must conform to one specific code of ethics or behavior to be part of. And that NOBODY has the right to tell anyone else they're doing it wrong (including ME! I am 100% including myself in this!).

It's not MY job to dictate how anyone else experiences this fandom, as much as it was not the job of the people who reblogged my post (which I did not personally shove into their eyeballs with a demand for compliance... how did any of those people even *find* my post?) solely to tell me how *I* need to change how I experience the fandom, you see? Don'tcha love hypocrisy!

But the point was made for those who care, and a lot of people got to update their block lists (I still don't block anyone, as I said I curated my fandom space here and generally don't follow folks that don't personally make me happy and enrich my life by engaging with their content. However other people choose to engage with *my* content (any of it, going back nearly 50k posts over the last decade) is their business entirely. Sometimes I just feel the need to draw out people who are all too eager to expose their own whole asses in public. Mission accomplished.

#fandom problems #and again i'm sorry that anyone i know was exposed to ugliness because of this #but everyone i know also knows that i'm probably the least easily upset person in this corner of the fandom #if even one person achieved a modicum of self-awareness that their experience is not universal #that there IS no universal experience even #then i guess the point was made

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joonsdiary · 4 years

Text

worth fighting for (06)

pairing: jungkook x reader genre/warnings: a pinch of fluff, a dash of angst / royalty au, historical au / tw: indignant!koo, apologetic!reader, jimin being the supportive bun that he is, if you came for a fun time this chapter probably isn’t? word count: 4,815

summary: fresh out of the perils of war, jungkook didn’t think that his task as the newly appointed general would be to look after you.

SIX.

“Congratulations, Y/N. The distance you so crave is finally there.”

You mumble to yourself as you watch Jungkook’s back disappear into the horizon. Had it not been for your sharp tongue, perhaps you would’ve prevented the damage you’ve inflicted upon him. You hadn’t seen his expression as he didn’t bother to face you, but his slackened shoulders are enough to let you know how he feels. Your heart wrenches painfully as you swallow thickly.

Yes, his mistrust towards your capabilities is unwarranted, inflicting your pride. You aren’t some weak helpless princess who needs to wait around and be rescued – you are more than capable of saving your own ass. But that doesn’t give you the authority to overstep your boundary and bring up his dead brother, of all people.

You blink up at the sky, unable to keep the tears pooling from staining your flush cheeks. There’s no use in feeling sorry for yourself now, though. You have to apologize, and somehow make it up to him. An action that’s easier said than done if Jungkook does not brush you off with every attempt.

But he does.

Throughout the rest of the day, you chase him around like a puppy does their master. There’s not much left to do since Jimin gathered firewood when you were busy stomping on Jungkook’s feelings. The tents have also been set up, courtesy of both Miyoung and Jimin. That doesn’t stop Jungkook from coming up with creative ways to dismiss your presence, though.

“I’m going to relieve myself. Will you follow me there, too?” Jungkook deadpans and you wilt away, cheeks flaming with embarrassment.

“No,” you toy with the string of your dress. You look up at him and open your mouth to say the words that are eating you up. You don’t have the chance to, though, because he turns to leave in search of a dense forest area. Your shoulders slump in defeat as you massage your temples.

“Did something happen between you and the general?” Miyoung approaches you with caution. You don’t turn to address her presence, but you nod at her inquisition.

“I was being a dimwit.”

“You can be a bit dense at times,” Miyoung mumbles thoughtfully, and you give her a slanted gaze. She returns the favour with a playful smile. “What is it; you finally confessed, and he rejected you? It was so bad that he wants to avoid you, but you can’t help how your poor heart yearns for him.”

Her statement is like cold water being splashed to your face. “What do you mean finally?”

“I’m not going through the whole spiel about you acting jittery around him again,” she says wryly. “But you’ve been really, really obvious.”

Your face blanches, and Miyoung gives you a puzzling gaze.

He hasn’t noticed though, right?

You push the thought away since what she said hasn’t crossed your mind. You’re bound to someone by agreement, and you have no plans of tearing that for something as meagre as your feelings.

“Judging from your reaction, I’m guessing that’s not what happened?” her brows creased with worry, and you shake your head.

“Would you believe me if I say that I’ve done something more idiotic than that?” you give her a sheepish grin and dive into telling her what happened. Your gaze travels to Jimin, ensuring he doesn’t hear any of what you’re saying. It’s enough that one other person knows of your stupidity. She listens with intent and waits for you to finish.

“…and then he just walked away. I’ve been trying to apologize to him since, and you can guess how that went,” you awkwardly point to the direction Jungkook has gone. She doesn’t say anything for a while, and dread fills your chest. Her silence speaks volumes on her position in this matter; she thinks you’re in the wrong as well.

“I can see where you’re coming from,” she begins slowly, uncharacteristically picking her words as if not to say anything that will disfavour you. “But you didn’t have to bring up the topic of his late brother like that.”

“I know,” you exhale, feeling exasperated. “I know that. I slipped in the most immodest way possible. But he doesn’t want to give me the room to explain.”

“Perhaps you should give him some space. It looks like he needs it if he’s actively avoiding you.”

I know that, too.

You sigh defeatedly. “Maybe you’re right. It seems selfish of me to keep pushing myself where I’m not wanted.”

“He’ll come around,” she offers a reassuring smile, which lifts your mood in the slightest.

But two days pass, yet there’s still no sign of Jungkook’s temper thawing. He rescinded his offer to teach and you agree amicably, opting to listen to Miyoung about taking the diplomatic approach in order to give him the space he needs. It’s not like he had been willing to teach you more either way, so you graciously collect your losses. If avoidance is what he desires, it’s what he’ll get.

Jimin has noticed the surly atmosphere, but he doesn’t dare ask anything. You feel apologetic for placing him in the dark by not saying anything, but you don’t think your ego could handle another moral beating after confiding with Miyoung.

You’ve chosen to stay in the carriage in the instances where you’re not needed, which happens to be most of the time since they still refuse to task you with too much work. You occasionally volunteer with Miyoung but otherwise avoid Jungkook like the plague, and you refuse to eat any meals with them as you hide away in your tent. You delude yourself into thinking that it’s the easiest task you could possibly be assigned but hearing his laughter on the other side of the closed doors prove harder than anything you’ve ever done.

You prepare your heart, nonetheless, telling yourself it’s the punishment you deserve after breaking his.

On the third day post-Jungkook, a soft knock comes at the door of your carriage. You put down your embroidery — a suggestion from Miyoung you’ve gingerly agreed to complete despite how tedious you think it is. Hope blooms in your chest and you eagerly open the door. Perhaps Miyoung talked to Jungkook about your intentions to apologize —

“Your Grace.”

Jimin’s crescent eyes greet you, and you try to hide your disappointment with a stiff smile. He steps aside as you disembark, stretching your limbs that have been bent to one position for hours. The afternoon sun is hidden beneath grey clouds, and you don’t have to squint too much as your gaze sweeps the surroundings.

“General Jeon wants to unrein the horses. It seems like we might camp out for a while. He predicts a storm might be coming and would rather be stationary when that happens.”

You nod as your eyes search for the said general. Your shoulder deflates when you don’t find him.

“I can still stay inside though, right?” you offer a meek smile, hoping he’d say yes.

“Actually…” he trails off as he rubs the back of his neck bashfully. “I’ve noticed you’ve been keeping to yourself a lot and…well…”

He meets your gaze, a grin forming on his lips. “I was wondering if you wanted to go for a horse ride. Help you stave off some of that dark aura surrounding you lately.”

You allow yourself to laugh at his statement, already feeling more at ease than you’ve been the past few days.

“If you insist,” your words are filled with excitement. He offers his elbow and your palm rests on the crook of his hand.

“None of them are Luna, but I promise you they’re just as wild-spirited.” You allow him to guide you to where two horses await, saddled and unbound from the carriage. Approaching the caramel-coloured steed, you hold your palms out and run it along its neck.

“I’ve been so preoccupied these past few weeks to even ask if this was possible,” the horse neighs as you run your fingertips through its thick mane.

It doesn’t take long for you to settle down and once you do, Jimin mounts his horse.

“Thank you for inviting me,” you turn to him with a genuine smile. “And having a horse of your own to ride this time around.”

“I wasn’t going to let the same thing happen where you leave me behind. As powerful as my thighs are, I still don’t stand a chance in catching up to a horse,” his tone is bright as he claps his hand on his thighs for full effect. You laugh at the memory as your grip tightens around the rope.

“Don’t blame me for feeling excited. I’m sorry it got you in trouble though,” you lament, feeling apologetic since you heard he was severely punished by the stable master. You suspect the order came from your father, though, hence his reluctance for you to bring Jimin along. But in a scenario where you had to place your trust in the hands of a few, there’s not an inkling of doubt in your mind that he would be one of them.

“It was nothing I couldn’t handle.” The certainty in Jimin’s tone is enough for you not to press.

The two of you begin at a slow pace, and you welcome the cool breeze of tousling your hair in every direction possible. You bask in your false sense of freedom, your spirits already lifting the slightest.

“I’m sorry, too, for my recent actions,” you begin as vaguely as you possibly can. You’re not sure how much Jimin knows about your situation, but you have been ignoring him too as of late. It doesn’t feel fair, especially because he’s the one making an effort to bridge the gap you’ve built.

“That’s quite alright. Given your circumstance, I understand if you feel closed off at times.”

“Circumstance?” Your brows knit in confusion and you face Jimin. He returns your confusion with a small smile.

“Trekking an unknown path towards the Northern border, where no Southerner has been able to do in three generations since the conflict started. Not only that, but you’ll have to marry their monarch.”

“Oh, that,” your eyes flit back to the small patch of road ahead of you. You’re unsure what Jimin has in mind as a destination, but he promises it’s not a long ride. “The least I could do.”

Jimin dips his chin.

“I know you’re attempting to diminish the responsibility you’ve chosen to bear, but you have a lot to lose, too.”

You shake your head at him, unable to acquiesce with his considerate words.

“Compared to what you went through during the war…” you trail off, unsure of how to continue. The last time you talked to someone about death and loss, they walked away from you. Perhaps you’re not as eloquent as you’d like to think in spite of your status, so you don’t say anything further.

“Forgive me for speaking out of turn, but this isn’t a competition of who suffers the most like you make it sound to be.” His smile is mellow, his voice gentle but not condescending. The kindness in his eyes almost deceives you into falling infatuated with him. “You don’t have to undermine your sacrifice just because you think you’re not losing a limb or getting stabbed with an arrow.”

The sentiment is enough to fill the corner of your eyes with fresh tears. You laugh softly, sounding slightly unhinged. “You make me sound so benevolent.”

“Aren’t you, though?” His lilt is playful, but you shake your head in disagreement.

“Far from it, actually.”

“You’re too hard on yourself, you know. You both.”

You don’t have to ask twice to figure out who he’s talking about. Curiosity is nagging you but you’re unable to find the right words, so you let silence permeate.

“Did he say anything…?” you whisper, and you’re sure Jimin didn’t hear it.

“About you?”

His reply catches you off guard, and you make an effort not to seem overly eager. “No, just… broadly speaking.”

“If you must know,” Jimin pauses and eyes you suggestively. You pull the ropes to halt the movement of the horse. He mimics your actions, and you fall in step with each other, pulling the reins so the animals would follow. His features soften as he looks ahead. “He hasn’t spoken much of anything. Of you.”

“Oh.” You try not to sound distraught, but your voice wavers. “I guess he must still hate me.”

“Do you think he’d still be here if he hates you?”

You blink up at him, and with the most impassive tone you can muster, you answer, “Yes.”

“You’re right,” he says after a short pause. “He’s hard-headed in that way where he’ll see this through to the end, regardless of how he feels.” Jimin chuckles as he shakes his head. You grin up at him. “You’re both stubborn— ”

“— as a mule, I am aware,” you finish for him, and his eyes twinkle in amusement.

“Am I that predictable?” He places his hand on his chest in mock offence. You nod at his inquiry, realizing that you’ve been missing this type of banter.

“Thank you, Jimin.”

His eyes form into crescents, smiling from ear to ear at your appreciation. He stretches his arms out wide. “Now that you owe me…”

“Name your price, Park.”

He throws his head back and barks out a laugh.

“It’s nothing complicated,” he begins once he’s calmed down. “But Miyoung refuses to tell me what went on between you and General Jeon. I know she knows.”

“And you couldn’t have asked Jungkook?”

“The man will snap me in half if I so much as attempt it.”

“You’re being dramatic,” you roll your eyes and bite back a smile. “Also, quite bold of you to assume that I’ll tell you. Is that why you’ve decided to bring me along on this trip with you — butter me up so you can get the answers from me?”

“It was worth the try,” Jimin grins, shrugging. “But really, I’ve brought you here because I think you need to unwind. You’ve been spending a lot of time stacking brick walls around you. Miyoung was starting to worry.”

Your heart swells and your face grows warm, thankful you have the company of the right people. You slowly realize you did yourself a disservice when you decided to close the door on the two people who care about your well-being.

“Now help me help you end this lover’s quarrel so we can move on along,” Jimin’s tone is still light. But you shake your head defiantly, ignoring the pervasive radiance of your cheeks. He pauses his walk, and you do the same.

“It’s not like that at all.”

You close your eyes, steeling your nerves as you let out a shaky breath. Jimin nods in understanding and patiently waits for you as you gather your thoughts.

* * *

Jungkook treks through the sparse wooden area. The task has been like clockwork every time you stay somewhere new. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened weeks ago, so he’s thorough in his search. He wants to make sure no stone is left unturned, metaphorically speaking.

The only difference this time is he didn’t bring his horse along. When he told Jimin to free the horses for the night, the older suggested that he leave his horse to be looked after, as well. He agreed, but now he doesn’t think it was a good idea. Especially since his thighs are throbbing from all the walking he’s done. The weariness is enough for him to call it a day and head back to camp.

Until he hears an inconspicuous laugh. By a man.

His body goes rigid, his brain wires into autopilot as his legs deftly take him to the source. The closer he walks, the clearer it’s becoming that he’s heading towards the carved-out path he’s already gone through hours prior.

“…snap me in half…”

His ears perk up in recognition, eyes thinning into slits as he attempts to form the image of Jimin’s face from a distance. He steps closer but realizes he’s not alone, so he turns his back against a sturdy tree.

Your voice cuts through the air and arrests him on the spot. He still couldn’t make out much of what is being said, and he desperately wants to know.

“No, you don’t,” Jungkook grumbles to himself.

But his feet move closer and he stands behind another tree.

“…brick walls around you. Miyoung was starting to worry.”

Jungkook is beginning to feel like a half-wit. Nothing is stopping him from going up to them as a normal person would. None of this sneaking around horseshit. But he’s unsure what your reaction will be if he does show up all of a sudden. He has been the biggest idiot in the whole country the past few days, so he will not be surprised if you walk away and leave abruptly if he steps out.

“Should I really disturb them?” He mumbles to himself.

He’s surprised that you’re even doing something besides isolating yourself either in your carriage or your tent.

No thanks to you, his subconscious nags.

It isn’t his intention to push you out all the way. He wasn’t feeling bothered by your subsequent attempts to talk to him after he walked out on you as he makes it out to be. But his ultimatum had been the sword fighting lesson; your lack of protest when he revoked it made him think you gave up trying. He didn’t let his surprise be known – he’d been the one who wanted to cancel, anyway. Then so be it.

He’s not surprised when you took it even further and refused to converse or have a meal with anyone. The action feels like an exaggeration to him. He’s the one who lost a brother, after all, not you.

He is caught in a daze for a moment, lulled by the soft timbre of your voice. No discernible word files in his mind — it’s not information he doesn’t already know. He isn’t the least bit surprised that you chose your confidante to be Jimin; as Jungkook has learned himself, Jimin gives quite the advice. The man is practically like a walking library — at times he could be spewing utter nonsense, but more often than not he says the most knowledgeable things only an elder would know.

Yet it seems odd to Jungkook. Yes, you talk to Jimin and are friendly with him. But to be able to confide in a stable boy, of all people, when you are royalty? Technically you can command anybody to talk to you and keep you company, but that’s not the case. It seems to him that it had been Jimin who’s coaxed you into opening up; like how friends would.

Jungkook’s stomach drops. There had been a moment where he genuinely thought of you as a friend, but he needlessly threw it aside by being obtuse.

The next words you utter disarms him.

“...I didn’t mean for him to interpret as if I wish it had been him who died instead.”

A twinge of guilt carves out of Jungkook’s chest as he tries to remember exactly what you said that day. The more fragments of his memory slip through his fingers like coarse sand, the more foolish he feels. He scarcely recalls what you’ve told him verbatim that had him so irate at that moment. He can only remember his reaction to it.

The anger bubbling from the pit of his stomach. The jealousy and hurt coursing through his veins. The regret looming over him as he walks away.

“I shouldn’t be here.”

Stalking around private thoughts that you choose to share with anyone but him, feels all sorts of wrong. He shouldn’t pry, especially after ignoring your attempts at apologizing and pushing you away roughly like a rag doll.

He wills himself to walk away from the conversation. It’s the least he can do.

* * *

Speaking to Jimin after refusing to talk to anyone for a few days feels cathartic. You’re thankful that he provides a peaceful aura and being able to let everything out is invigorating.

“How do you know Jungkook’s brother, anyway?” Jimin asks as you descend back to the path you came from.

“Oh,” you blink for a few moments before chuckling. “I guess I haven’t told you. I grew up with them, so to speak. Hoseok taught me everything I know about bows and arrows. We were practically —”

“— attached at the hip,” Jimin cuts you off suddenly. You look at him quizzically, but nod in agreement.

“Are you sure you’re not my soulmate? We practically finish each other’s sentences all the time,” you tease. But his face is unreadable as if he’d gone in a completely different dimension without you. He grows quiet and you let him soak in the information.

“You didn’t grow close with General Jeon, though.” He says slowly, sounding more like a statement than a question. You nod your head, nonetheless.

“He was quieter and more distant back then if you can imagine,” you begin softly. “Although he was quite a pain to deal with at times; who isn’t at seven?”

Jimin laughs, nodding in agreement.

Your memories of Jungkook are sparse, but you’ll never forget the day he challenged you to a game of archery at the height of your lessons with Hoseok. You were eleven and Jungkook would only be around every so often, always getting called by his father for his own training. You shake your head at the thought, still unable to wrap your mind around how a mere thirteen-year-old boy could be shoved into the harsh environment of endless training.

“But he had always been competitive, especially against me. Although he still hasn’t beaten me at archery. Maybe that’s why he dislikes me so much,” your nose wrinkles at the thought.

Jimin scoffs and shakes his head. “On the contrary…”

“Hm?” you look up at him, and Jimin’s eyes widen in panic. He looks away momentarily before clearing his throat.

“What I meant was — you lied, completely! About having beginner’s luck.” Jimin’s cheeks are ruddy when he turns back to you, and you wonder what has him so flustered. “The highwaymen that stop us next time better be on the lookout. We have a master archer in our midst.”

You eyed him suspiciously, but a grin forms on your face all the same. “Flattering could only get you so far, Jimin.”

“I only aim to tell the truth, Your Grace,” his head shakes and you roll your eyes. Jimin hesitates before continuing. “I’m sorry for your loss, albeit belatedly. I’m sure you were devastated to hear about what had happened to him.”

Your mood plunges, but you muster a small smile. “Hoseok was like an older brother I always wanted to have.”

Jimin’s forehead creases in confusion, but he nods in understanding. You swallow the lump that wedged itself in your throat.

“His presence was always so bright; his ability to bring a smile to everyone is such a gift. That’s why losing him feels like you’ve been robbed of warmth,” your eyes trail forward, but they’re unseeing. Your thoughts flit back to Jungkook; if you are here feeling like your heart has been ripped out of your chest, you can’t begin to imagine what he’s going through.

“You remind me a lot of him,” you beam at Jimin, anxious to shift your mood.

“Sounds like I have a lot to live up to,” Jimin chuckles.

“You have the whole radiant part down. You’re practically bursting with sunlight at the seams.” You squint and pretend to cover your eyes for full effect.

“Flattering could only get you so far, Your Highness,” his eyes flicker with playfulness, lips unable to hold back a grin.

“I only aim to tell the truth, Jimin.”

His laugh bubbles from his chest as satisfaction fills you to the brim.

* * *

“I don’t want to speak out of turn…” Miyoung begins cautiously, but her lips are set in a straight line. “But will you stop pacing, for the love of god?”

Jungkook glowers at her, fists balled as steam billows out of his ear. The frigid wind does nothing to cool down his boiling body, but the grey clouds mirror his current mood. Despite the overcast masking the skies, he knows that the sun is about to set sooner rather than later.

Yet there are no signs of you or Jimin returning from your impromptu trip. He’s been mulling over the decision to leave you for hours, and every second that ticks by weighs heavier on his shoulders.

I knew I shouldn’t have left. He sighs in an attempt to alleviate the tension in his muscles. “They were supposed to be back hours ago.”

“I had no idea. It’s not like you’ve said it about five times in the last ten minutes.” Miyoung says sardonically, but Jungkook knows she’s just as anxious as he is. It’s evident in the way she looks towards the direction where he also came from every minute. “I’m sure they’ll be back at any moment now. I’ll start preparing a meal.”

She turns to leave just as the winds pick up their speed, ruffling Jungkook’s tunic. He nods wordlessly, but at her proclamation of finding something to do, Jungkook resumes his pacing. He’s thought about going to the same spot he saw you and Jimin, but that seems like a terrible idea the more he thinks about it.

One, you’re probably long gone by now and he wouldn’t know where you went next. Two, there’s an off chance that you’ll miss each other, so leaving would be futile and a waste of energy; you’ll be back, he’ll be gone. What a travesty.

“Why did I decide then to have some morals and leave them be?” he groans and dips his head into his palms, slapping himself in the process.

For a man with a calibre such as him, he’s currently lacking in all his areas of expertise. Nothing makes him feel more inept than his inability to care for you, which speaking candidly, is his sole task. Surely, he’s had more daunting responsibilities; one that requires him to think on his feet but at the same time not make haste decisions. So far, he’s done neither and no one is to blame but himself.

He feels the soft patter of the rain on his forearm, followed by the quivering rumble of thunder. Jungkook comes to a halt, his heart being propelled faster than a horse in a race. The light drizzle turns to a torrential downpour within minutes, and he curses the heavens; their timing couldn’t be more perfect.

“General!” Miyoung beckons, which compels Jungkook to run and seek shelter. Encased in the warmth of the tent, he shakes off the remnants of water in his hair as he heaves a deep sigh.

“There’s no reason why I shouldn’t go out there now.”

Miyoung rolls her eyes, and Jungkook gains an inkling as to why you insist on keeping her around out of all your chambermaids. If he didn’t know any better, he might think you two are cut from the same cloth.

“Terrible idea. Do you not hear that?”

As if on cue, the second round of thunder rippled through the silence. The wind howls louder, causing the tarpaulin to tremble with fear. A shiver runs down his spine.

“We don’t really have a choice—”

Jungkook is cut off by the pounding of hoofbeats against the dirt, which is all the consent he needs to bolt out of the safety of the tent. He squints against the rain as one horse approaches. His heart sinks.

“I was closer here than I was to her, so I assumed it would be better—” Jimin slides off the saddle and Jungkook quickly takes the ropes from him, not bothering to take his own ride.

“Where?” his tone is clipped, head swimming with endless thoughts as he awaits Jimin’s reply.

“She said something about dipping her toes in the water, I—” Jungkook’s feet slipped in his first attempt to embark and he cursed under his breath. Calm down, Jeon. His trousers squelch uncomfortably beneath him as he takes a seat, but that might be the least of his worries.

“Stay put in case she comes back.”

He doesn’t need to ask why Jimin had left you in the first place; you had probably forced him to go back on his own. Tugging at the reins slightly, he carefully steers the horse in the right direction. With one command he is off; his lungs burning in his chest as thousands of water droplets pellet his face, blurring his vision.

— previous ; next ; series masterlist

#jungkook scenario #jungkook fanfic #bts scenarios #jeongguk scenarios #jungkook fic #bts fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jimin fic #bts fanfic #jungkook #jeon jungkook #writing

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eisukevint · 3 years

Text

The Secret

Summary: Kissed by the baddest bidder X Harry Potter

Pairing: Eisuke/Mc

a/n: I had this sudden idea so I wrote it down. It’s kinda good, kinda bad. I skipped on my maths test for this so please show it some love👉👈

. . .

Run

The drumming of her heart escalated even more than the times his slender fingers unconsciously stroked her.

If you ever feel like you’re in danger, run

She could’ve fished her wand but she couldn’t hurt him. She daren’t, that’s what she thought as she stood transfixed chilled to the bone.

Even if it’s me

She didn’t understand what he meant at that time, but now she did.

RUN

and she ran.

He was never open with his emotions. From the day his muggle parents abandoned him after finding out about the ‘freak’ he was. Finding refuge in an elderly wizard’s humble home, kind enough to look after him, he was eager to learn all aspects of magic. His sole reason? Not to be looked down upon by anyone.

The feeling of revulsion he got from the people who birthed him confirmed that he would never be accepted as one’s own. To them he was abnormal. And he was aware of that. To rid of the desolation, drowning in books was his only option. Until he met her, or rather, them.

Mc and Soryu too had their own demons but together, they were a team. One everyone looked up to. Some even called them ‘The Golden Trio’ and they couldn’t be more accurate. To say the three of them knew literally everything about each other was not wrong. Except Eisuke. Well he had a secret concealed to all. Not even his best friends knew what he had hidden from them.

Nearly Halloween the days got even colder and the already thick fog amongst the forbidden forest seemed even more dense than normal. The sun was almost setting. Soryu had gone home to spend days with his family while the other two stayed at school with no such plans. They didn’t even have a family of their own to begin with so they decided to indulge in each other’s company for which they were more than just exhilarated. They’d known each other for almost five years now and they couldn’t help but feel attracted to the little spark between them.

They tip toed out of the castle, careful not to get caught by Mrs. Norris.

They decided to get Buckbeak and spend some time in the pitch of the forest forbidden to all. Poor Buckbeak, Hagrid’s most adored Hippogriff became a part of their silly escapades. They seemed overjoyed. Little did Eisuke know that tonight, the moon was to gleam a little too much against the black of the night sky.

The duo grabbed his harness and led him into the dark forest oblivious to the nargles luring in the depth of the area. They kept on walking until they reached the area around the whomping willow leaving the hippogriff near the forbidden forest. The two bickered back and forth until the topic of the conversation shifted.

“Soryu was such a dork!” She let out a laugh thinking about to the time on the train when he got all shy the first time they met. Sulking how he got a booger flavoured one in bertie bott’s every flavoured beans. She was still in the midst of hysteric memories when all of a sudden Eisuke stopped. Not feeling his presence beside her, she looked behind to see Eisuke intensely staring at her. A certain glow in his eyes like he was curious about something unusual.

“And what about me?” He asked taking measured steps towards her.

“What...?” She tipped her head to the right dumbfounded.

“What did you think about me the very first time we met?” He asked again once he was within her reach.

“Oh! Well you know you uh,”

Eisuke’s mesmerising gaze robbed her of all her words. Bitterly slowly he raised his hand and cupped her cheek rubbing his thumb across it as if testing something fragile.

“I’m tired of having to share you with Soryu when I want to keep you all to myself” He uttered under his breath but just as he was about to bob his head down, his sight caught the moon. In his state of excitement to be alone with her, he forgot to take his potion. The fully round moon at its very peak glowered brightly as if to mock him of the curse he was bound with.

She sensed the change. The changing colour of his eyes. His limbs taking a more inhuman form. The uncharacteristic change in his body that she roughly had to pull away from. She watched helplessly as he writhed in pain. She almost didn’t want to believe her eyes, that he had turned into a monstrous werewolf. She wanted to think this was a dream but she knew it wasn’t because anything and literally everything could happen in the wizarding world.

“Eisuke?” No reply as the werewolf rubbed his left eye with his hand like paw.

“Eisuke, are you-

That was, until he howled.

Eisuke or to be more clear the werewolf inched towards her perilously. She knew she was in danger.

Just one flick of her wand and she’d be safe. She even knew the spell. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. Because after all, the man under the skin of the werewolf was the one she adored more than anyone. The one she didn’t have the heart to inflict the slightest of injury to. To the one she loved wholeheartedly but had to keep it to herself. She knew this wasn’t Eisuke but it was still him. The werewolf closed onto her.

So she ran.

She ran as fast as her legs could take her. Luckily she was near the forest now. She made a mad dash for the trees so she could hide herself.

Standing behind a wide tree trunk she got some time to catch her breath but the werewolf had caught up to her. Hearing a gruff sound, she twisted her head around to catch a glimpse of the creature.

Avoiding it, she circled the tree but she accidentally came across the beast. A growl from behind caused her to whip backwards only to be met with the glinting eyes of the werewolf. She wanted to scream, but it was of no use. No one could help her.

The monster lurched at her swiftly. She braced herself for the impact but it never came. Instead she watched as buckbeak came to her rescuse chasing the creature away. She needed to get out of the place now. She worried for Eisuke. She had so many questions racing through her mind that only one person could answer.

She tossed and turned in bed as sleep completely left her. Last night’s events ruling her brain.

She climbed down the stairs to the common room, completely empty as it was only six in the morning. As soon as she heard an all too familiar groan, she rushed towards the source of the voice. There, Eisuke was sprawled across one of the couches in the room, his face covered in small cuts and minor bruises , probably from when the hippogriff drove him away.

“OH MY GOSH. ARE YOU OKAY?” She half asked half shrieked, tears instantly pooling in her eyes. She touched his arms which had slightly bigger cuts.

“I- I’m fine. Just a bit.. sore.” He replied with his trademark smirk.

“Shut up! Do you know how scared I was? Why didn’t you tell me?! You twat!” The tears started flowing from here eyes and dropped on his hands as he silently wiped them away. She hugged him tight but not with force that would hurt him.

“Hey, just let me clean up and i’ll tell everything to you, sounds good?” He suggested,tempted to not let go of her but he didn’t want her seeing him in this miserable state.

Half an hour later, they met up at the entrance of the clock tower where, thank god, not a single person was in sight. The second she laid her eyes on him, she jumped into his arms hugging the living daylight out of him. Eisuke, not bothering to resist, wrapped his arms around her too.

“I was worried out of my mind! Do you have any idea what agony I felt when I saw you like that?! You-“

He held a finger to her mouth to shush her and the tears were once again threatening to fall.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry but i’ll explain everything. I guess there’s no use hiding it anymore.” He said in a collected voice to calm her down. But there was a hint of caution in his voice. Almost as if he didn’t want anyone to know his dirty secret.

“You know how I live with Cadmus. Cadmus once took me to his friend’s house where I got lost in the Ottery forest. It was almost midnight and it was a full moon that night. I don’t remember what really happened. I just know that the werewolf got close to me. I was attacked.”

Mc listened with bated breath as Eisuke casted his eyes downwards.

“All of it was a blur. I fainted and they found me somewhere in the middle of the forest. Do you know what happens when a werewolf bites you?” He asked her.

“You turn into a werewolf.”

“I see you’re not that dumb”

“Shut up” He chuckled and continued.

“Yes, that was when it all started. On full moon nights, there was only minor pain. It was bearable. But three years ago, its effects replenished. It got worse. I don’t know if you remember but do you recall me leaving you and soryu to go off somewhere and you’d ask me where I went off to?”

“No..” A quite sob left her body.

“Yeah. I didn’t want to seem pathetic so I just disappeared. I hate it. It’s a curse honestly. The pain is unbearable. But I can’t do anything. Sometimes the wolfsbane potion helps. There was never really anyone I could talk to about it so I never really brought it up. Also i’m so sorry I hurt you last night. For scaring you. For worrying you. I completely forgot about it last night. I really-“

His words were cut off as Mc grabbed the back of his head and softly touched her lips with his. His eyes widened at her subtle boldness but kissed her back. He was at peace. That was exactly what he felt. Maybe she did return his feelings after all.

She pulled away after some time with a tinge of pink on her cheeks. Eisuke too was blushing and that was one exclusive sight.

“I guess i’ve wanted to do that for some time now.” She muttered shyly but he heard her clearly.

“Really? Because same.” He was about to go for another one but she stopped him with a hand to his mouth.

“Hold. Up. How DARE you say you’re pathetic? You’re the most smartest wizard of your age, you know that? Literally every other envies you. And you’ve been enduring this pain for that long? You don’t have to keep everything bottled up! Just talk to me. Talk to Soryu. He’s your best friend! You’re not alone you daft selfish little twat. You’ve got me! And Soryu too! We’ll always help you no matter what! So don’t you ever say that you don’t have anyone!” She burst out with a single tear flowing from her left eye.

“Okay okay, I’ll talk to you about everything. I’m not alone. I get it. Happy now?” He spoke innocently but she crossed her arms with a huff.

He hooked a finger under her chin and gently lifted it.

“Please?” There was the face she failed to say no to.

“Fine” She unfolded her locked arms and turned to him only to see Eisuke gazing at her with the same intensity as last night.

“May I?”

A short nod and he thrashed his soft lips, despite certain cuts, on her silky ones. All words were laden in that one kiss and feelings were being conveyed when,

“Bloody hell”

. . .

hmu if yall want a part 2! This took a big chunk of time. So please don’t let this one flop flop. I kind of screwed at the end.

@miss-alien-pixel @huntertheblackwolf @leoamber66 @kbtbbposts please rate this🥺

#kbtbb eisuke ichinomiya #eisuke ichinomiya #kbtbb eisuke #soryu oh #kbtbb soryu #kbtbb soryu oh #kissed by the baddest bidder #kbtbb #voltage inc #love 365 #otome #otome romance

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yukimoji · 4 years

Text

My World: Part 1 ( Tanjiro Kamado x Reader )

(a/n: hello! “my world” is a mini two part series! this was inspired after listening to some of my favorite opm songs on repeat lol. part 2 will be coming soon! hope you all enjoy!)

Part 1 I 2 I 3

Total words: 3937 words

Genre: Fluff

No manga spoilers

!!Slight mentions of Blood and Death!!

You've never really considered the possibility of true love coming to you all your life.

Growing up in a demon-infested world, life seemed to be fond of throwing you into hardships and struggle. Sure, some may argue that what breaks us makes us even stronger. However, every time you came face to face with a demon, all the horrors of the world would slap you in the face.

Life was rough, to be frank. Losing your family, the agony of training to death, and the endless amount of missions that never seemed to end. All this has taken a huge toll on you, as you become even more frustrated the longer you fight.

Even in the midst of those moments of uncertainty, you've seen rays of sunlight peeking through the dark and gloomy clouds. The way you watched children play around every time you visit a new location, the way laughter and joy was abundant despite the ever-growing threat, or even the way some people would cling to you to sing praises of gratitude after being rescued from a demon would always warm your heart.

These little bits of happiness can bring just the smallest of smiles to your face, and you were secretly hoping that maybe soon, you will also be happy and enjoy the warmth of love that would've had surrounded you without a care in the world.

But you could only hope, only dream. You can't stop fighting for even just a second.

Not when your life is still in the hands of danger. Not when there's a likelihood of a horrible and painful death looming over you.

You're not going to stop until you have avenged your family and the numerous deaths that Muzan Kibutsuji has inflicted upon humanity.

You've never really considered the possibility of true love coming to you all your life, but that seemed to have changed when you finally met him.

Tanjiro Kamado is a peculiar boy.

The first time you met him, you were sent on a mission at Mt. Natagumo with several other slayers. You were in a rough shape, after seeing how your comrades were turned against each other and were ruthlessly murdered in front of your very eyes. You couldn't move after being badly injured from a rouge katana stabbing you somewhere in your body. Pain and suffering was the only thing you could feel in that moment, and it seemed like your life had flashed before your eyes.

Minutes later, in front of you, a glimpse of a green and black checkered haori appeared. A boy wearing hanafuda-like earrings that seemed to twinkle and reflect the rays of moonlight with every slightest movement. He had Burgundy locks, which seemed to be swaying from the cool breeze, a red scar adorning his forehead, and a dashing pair of crimson eyes that gazed at you with such concern.

The powerful emotion directed towards you seemed to have left you breathless. The next thing you know, you've been taken away to a safe location where no one could hurt you.

"Stay here, okay? Don't move too much or you'll get even more hurt." His voice trailed off, holding you so delicately, as though you were about to fall apart at any moment. He looked worried, his nose wrinkled, and his lips was in a hard line when he saw how much you were in a horrible state. Then, looking at you, he smiled softly.

"I'm going to go now and find help, okay?" You could only nod and stare helplessly as he stood up and ran, presumably trying to find help.

And then, everything went dark.

You were in the Butterfly Estate's Ward the next time you saw him. Miraculously, as you were lying motionlessly in your safe position, the Kakushi came and got you all patched up. You were then taken to the Butterfly Estate to heal and rest.

But it seemed that recovery itself was a challenge.

You had a hard time sleeping, because a certain blonde-haired boy, whom you later learned to be named Zenitsu, kept screaming and whining to the poor girls who had given his medicine. Apparently, he was almost turned into a spider and the medicine was supposed to help him go back to his regular form.

"I GOTTA TAKE THIS FIVE TIMES? A DAY?! AND I HAVE TO KEEP TAKING THIS MEDICINE FOR THREE MONTHS??! IF I TAKE THIS, I CAN'T EAT ANYTHING YOU KNOW! I MEAN, IT'S REALLY BITTER! IT'S SUCH AN ORDEAL!!"

You could just stare in disappointment at the ceiling. Zenitsu's eyes exploded up in tears as he proceeded to have a tantrum, leaving the poor butterfly girl sweating in front of him, not knowing what to do. If you weren't hurt and just mainly having a bad time, you'd have already smacked the guy for his childish behavior.

Laying after an empty bed besides you, the boy with the boar-head, Inosuke, did not seem fazed at all. But then, you also discovered that the poor soul had his throat crushed by a demon. You could only assume that he was also beyond tired to even deal with Zenitsu's antics.

"SO, YOU MEAN MY ARMS AND LEGS WILL HEAL JUST BY TAKING MEDICINE? FOR REAL?! LISTEN, ARE THEY REALLY GONNA HEAL? TELL ME HOW THEY'RE GONNA BE HEALED!"

"Please stop shouting, will you?" The butterfly girl spoke out, attempting to calm the aggressive boy down.

After what seemed like an eternity of wails, Aoi and a pair of Kakushi came into the ward, one of them carrying a very familiar boy behind his back.

Your eyes widened when you saw the boy who rescued you calling out to Zenitsu. You didn't even hear Aoi scolding Zenitsu, who was whimpering and trembling in his bed sheets. Aoi left the ward annoyed with a huff, and you just stared at the kind boy as he was put down on the floor and went on to have a conversation with Zenitsu.

Judging from their discussion, Zenitsu and the other boy appeared to be friends. Zenitsu started to ramble about how mean Aoi was, and the Burgundy hairy boy realized how small his friend had become. You could just look away when the snot started to spill out of the rowdy blonde's nose.

However, as soon as you turned away, Crimson eyes found your exhausted body lying a few beds away, and his eyes gleamed as he remembered you as the slayer he had rescued the night before. He sighed in relief, because you were still alive even after all those injuries.

He observed your form, and he picked up the scent of exhaustion coming from you. Who wouldn't be? He wondered. He was just glad that he managed to save you in time, after seeing how countless slayers were murdering each other, he's just happy that he managed to save one more life.

But apart from fatigue, he couldn't help but pick up the scent of resentment and sadness surrounding you. He came to understand that your friends and comrades were all gone, not to mention that you may have lost all of your family, too. If there's someone who can understand you, it's him, because he's also lost his family and his sister became a demon.

After cleaning up, it was his mission to befriend you at all costs. He went into the ward and took the bed next to you and Inosuke. Per usual, Zenitsu was already bawling, and Inosuke continued to be in a sour mood.

You, on the other hand, could only look at the ceiling with a dark shadow cast on your face that the hanafuda-clad slayer could only assume to have been irritation caused by his blonde partner. As he claimed his bed, he turned and grinned softly towards you.

"Hello!" He greeted enthusiastically.

You get startled and pulled out of your thoughts of murder, as you tilt your head only to be greeted by the bright expression of the boy next to you.

Jesus, this boy could rival the sun with the warm and inviting aura he had.

"I'm glad you're all right! My name is Tanjiro Kamado, what's yours?" he introduced himself happily, leaving you speechless as to how friendly and cheerful this boy was.

"...[ Y / N ]. [ Y / N ] [ L / N ]." You manage to blurt out. Tanjiro's eyes sparkled, and his smile grew even more.

"EHHHH??! SO THE PRETTY GIRL CAN TALK! AND HERE I THOUGHT I'M NEVER GOING TO HEAR HER WONDERFUL VOICE!" Zenitsu cries out in excitement, laughing and waving about to himself as a vein started to pop out from your neck.

"SHUT UP, MONITSU! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!" Inosuke yelled out, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at Zenitsu's face, effectively shutting him up.

Tanjiro could only chuckle nervously, as Inosuke grumbled in irritation and Zenitsu muttering out little whines after Inosuke's outburst.

"We're sorry about that, they're always like that." Tanjiro explained, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "Anyway, what a pretty name! It's nice to meet you, [ Y / N ]- san! I hope we can friends!" He exclaimed happily.

You flush at his words and looked down in embarrassment, but then, you paled when realization hit you like a brick.

You never thanked him for saving you.

You whip your head towards the boy, your brows knitted together in determination.

"I never thanked you for saving me, Kamado-san! I am deeply grateful for your generosity! I owe you my life!" you proclaimed and bowed your head, leaving Tanjiro raising his hands in reassurance.

"Oh no, it's fine! Really!" He sweats, "And you can call me Tanjiro, you know!"

After that encounter, you seemed to have grown closer to the trio. During your time in the ward, you spent much of your time talking and joking around. After a while, Inosuke became arrogant and wild, which you discovered was his "natural" self. Often his attempts to pick fights bugs you to no end, and it doesn't stop there as Zenitsu has been even more irritating ever since you first spoke to the Burgundy-haired boy.

"[ Mispronounced Name ]!! I DARE YOU TO FIGHT ME RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!"

"[ Y / N ]- chan~! You look pretty today!"

"COME ON AND LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN TRULY BEAT THE GREAT INOSUKE, [ Mispronounced Name ]!"

"[ Y / N ]-chan, Inosuke is being mean to me again, can you please comfort me?"

"Why are you looking at my face like that, [Mispronounced Name]?!"

"You would marry me, right [ Y / N ]-chan?!"

You pass. No thanks.

As days go by, you and Tanjiro would grow even closer, as your friendship with him continued to grow. He was a very open friend. He's also sweet, caring, charming, not to mention he worries about others before he could even think about himself!

"Inosuke, do you want to eat more? Here! Have some of my Tempura!"

"Zenitsu, please, stop crying! You're getting the poor girls into unnecessary trouble!"

"Oh, you wanted to me to accompany you to Shinobu-san, [ Y / N ]? Sure! I'll be with you all the way!"

God, does this boy do bring a big smile on you face.

He would also tell stories of adventures, describing each event with such vivid detail. You could only listen in awe as he proceeded to tell you how hard he trained in order to join the Demon Slayer Corps.

You gazed in silence as you observed the Tanjiro's calloused hands. He must have endured and suffered so much, maybe even more so than you did. The boy just remained there, a tiny smile on his face as he proceeded to show his hands for you.

You gulp, and averted your gaze from his hands to make eye contact with him.

"It must have been really hard, huh?" You whispered, the corners of your mouth pulled down as you stared at the boy, an unreadable emotion present in your eyes.

Tanjiro only chuckled as he pulled his hands back.

"Yeah, it was really tough. But come to think of it, my hands are proof of all the hard work I've put into being a Demon Slayer. Sure, sometimes I felt like dying and even giving up, but the fact that I've reached where I am now just gives me the confidence to go even further to help those in need. " He explained.

He lifts his hand and glances at it. His eyes were filled with determination as he recalled why he had become a Demon Slayer in the first place. Confidence overtook his expression when he broke his eyes from his palm and smiled at you.

"My hands are a reminder that I will never stop fighting for the safety of humans. I will always protect them, so that they can never witness the kind of horrors that we as demon slayers have to go through."

Your praised his sense of selflessness. In this life full of hardships, it was rare to find somebody as genuine and kind like Tanjiro. It was a trait that you admired wholeheartedly. With him, it seemed like your whole world would light up because of the sheer amount of positivity he would radiate.

It seemed, for a moment, that your dark and cruel world had taken a turn. In the blink of an eye, you've been welcomed with smiles and snippets of joy every time you interact with the boys. Your laughter became more frequent, not a dull hour would pass by, as you would find yourself becoming more fond of the crimson-eyed slayer.

You'd get to learn more about Tanjiro and his history later on. The boy's face would always light up by the mention of his family, and he would still be fond telling stories of his memories of the time they were still alive. The guy's got five siblings! 5!

Now, you truly understood how much patience the boy had with his two companions. Hearing him talking about his family gave you a sad sense of longing, and soon enough, you also opened up to him about how you, too, had a family, and that they were also killed by demons.

You told him stories, memories that just seemed like scattered visions located on a distant shore. You'd feel the sides of your mouth pulling up, your solemn [E / C] eyes showing a nostalgic light in them. Tanjiro would laugh every time you mentioned how much of a rucus your siblings were, would smile at you with delight as you mentioned your everyday life, and would nod in agreement as you recalled of your love-filled memories that happened a long time ago.

It was nice to know, though, that you had someone who could relate to your loss of family.

Speaking of family, you also had the opportunity to meet Nezuko, the little demon sister of Tanjiro. You have to confess that the thought of a demon battling alongside a demon slayer made you laugh at first. There was a reason why you became a demon slayer, and that is to slay any demon you meet in order to protect human beings.

You've been in conflict with the situation for the first few days of getting to know Nezuko. Your instincts were screaming at you to get a sword and just kill her then and there, but you also realized she wasn't like any other demons. If Oyakata-sama seemed to approve of her presence, then maybe you might come to accept her as well.

Tanjiro has taken note of your behavior towards Nezuko, but he can't blame you. Your family was killed by demons, so you had every right to be suspicious of Nezuko. He was grateful, however, that you took restraint and tried to accommodate her, despite his keen sense of smell telling him that you're more than ready to put an end to her demon life.

It seemed like Nezuko also wanted to be your friend. During the nights where you can't sleep, you would always go to the rooftop and gaze at the starry sight above. Not long after you arrive, the demon girl would find you and she would sit beside you, accompanying you the whole time.

The first few times, you were tense towards her. As much as you respect Tanjiro and Oyakata-sama's wishes, her status as a demon still bothered you to no end. Nevertheless, you would just let her accompany her because you knew that she had no malicious intent towards you. She seemed to understand your conflicted feelings towards her, as she would just sit and stare at the sky the entire time the two of you would sit at the roof, never once trying to force you to interact with her.

However, one interaction made you view Nezuko in a whole different light.

You wake up in the middle of the night, whimpering, soaked in cold sweat. You've had another nightmare, a vivid flashback of your mangled family dead in your old home. You sighed softly, and you looked around the ward to see the trio still sleeping soundly. A few minutes pass, and you realized you couldn't fall asleep again right away.

You got out of bed stealthily, and you went to your sanctuary, where you would eventually meet the demon girl again for the hundredth time.

You sat down on the edge dejectedly when you arrived. You've had this same kind of nightmare too many times, but the sight of your family lying helplessly dead in their blood pool always gets to you. Your lower lip quivers, brows buried together as you try to fight back the tears threatening to spill out. You cover your face as you try to calm yourself down, but a hand pats your back to console you.

You're shaking when you turn your head and come face to face with Nezuko. Sadness clouded her eyes, little "mmhm"s coming out of her bamboo muzzle, as if she was trying to say it was all right;

"You're going to be all right."

You looked at her, and wondered, how could a demon look so human? Her hand on your back proceeded to caress you in a circular motion, her eyes held so much compassion and kindness that you almost forgot she was a demon.

But that doesn't matter anymore.

You broke out crying, warm, thick tears falling from your eyes. You hiccuped and sniffled, already racked up with sobs. Nezuko didn't waste any time and embraced you, and you embraced back almost instantly. Your cries echoed in the night sky, and you're weeping so hard that your tears are staining Nezuko's kimono. But the girl never stopped, and she just remained there and comforted you the whole time.

Once you finally calmed down, you sat there for a little longer, gazing up at the night sky. Nezuko was still sitting beside you, just like what she did when she spent time with you on the roof. You pulled your eyes away from the stars, and you gazed at Nezuko. She stared at the tranquility of the stars above and was happy with it. You're sighing softly, now feeling foolish to have ever doubt the girl.

"Nezuko-chan?"

The demon averts her gaze from the sky, and looks at you, her head tilting to the side slightly. Her rose-colored eyes flickering with concern. You gulp, and shamely looked down.

"I'm sorry. For ever doubting you. I guess you really are something special, huh?" You apologized, a flush creeping up to your face as you looked down in embarrassment.

"Mmhm!" Nezuko just hummed, when you looked up to see that she was giving you a happy expression. She put her hand on top of your head and began to rub it in a reassuring manner. You could only just chuckle fondly at her actions.

When she pulled her hand back, it was your turn to pat on her head. Her eyes widened momentarily, before she let out a joyful noise, lifting both of her arms to victory. You chuckled at her adorable shenanigans as you continued to bond with the affectionate demon.

Little do you know, a pair of crimson red eyes gazed at both of you, watching you interact with Nezuko. Tanjiro felt a sense of satisfaction, seeing how much you seem to care for Nezuko now. But he couldn't help but feel a funny sensation in his chest. Seeing all of you happy and treating Nezuko like your own sister made him feel something.

He could only look in admiration as you laughed and played with Nezuko, his sister always happily reciprocating any little pleasant interaction you would have granted her. He smiled, seeing how happy you were and how you seemed to glow under the moonlight.

You looked absolutely beautiful.

Come to think about it, he grew rather fond of you these past few weeks. The way you would light up at a joke, the way you would scrunch up your face with irritation, and even the way where you would listen to him with such concentration when he's reminiscing about his family seemed to make him feel funny and warm all over. Your little actions and quirks had Tanjiro hooked, and with every little adorable action you do, it would make the burgundy-haired boy grow even fonder for you.

It also didn't help that when he found you at Mt. Natagumo, his initial thought was, well, that you looked very pretty. Although, he suppressed this thoughts towards you because, well, you were such in a rough state and he was beyond worried. It was not the time to be a Zenitsu when you were hurting so much!

Wait, pretty? Fondness? Affection???

Tanjiro looked away from the wonderful sight, and proceeded to run back to the ward. His face reddened and he put a hand on his chest. His heart was beating like crazy! He couldn't believe what he was feeling towards the [ H / C ]-haired girl!

As he arrived, he instantly covered his face with his blanket, trying to make sense of the warm, fuzzy feeling he would get every time he thought of you.

He couldn't help but think of your wonderful smile. God, how much he had grown to love your smile! And the way your eyes would flutter, the way you giggle at even the most ridiculous joke, and how you would just- ugh!

He could only cover his face with his hands in embarrassment as he proceeded to have sweet yet confusing thoughts about you. He felt he was going mad, and he's trying to make sense of his emotions towards you.

He realizes something in the midst of his breakdown. He recalls how the couples at Asakusa would intertwine with each other, how Kazumi cried out for his deceased fiance, and the memory of how his mother and father would look at each other with such devotion and tenderness while overlooking him and his siblings. The way all the couples portrayed themselves in his life reminded him of how he would think and feel about you.

He widened his eyes as a quick gasp escaped his lips. His face flushed more and more out from the revelation as he desperately tried to calm himself down from the intense surge of emotions overwhelming him.

And in that moment, it was clear.

That he, Tanjiro Kamado, now wished the whole world for [ Y / N ] [ L / N ].

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