#if i look at this for any longer i might lose my mind
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i love you sm u are my inspiration,, ah all ur fics have me blushing n giggling like a silly little girl.
can i request sum hcs for megumi x shy!touch starved!reader. reader is shy in general, even MORE shy with affection.... but craves it so dearly oh em gee (not me calling myself out)
love you have a lovely day <3
this is delicious on god
___
megumi isn't someone who initiates much with affection. in private he might be more inclined... but honestly it just doesn't cross his mind.
he makes the mistake of assuming that if you want affection, you'll ask for it/initiate it yourself.
and there in lies the problem. you never initiate.
not that you don't want to !! my god you'd love to cuddle up with your boyfriend, have your arms wrapped around each other, cozy up on his chest, maybe even take a nap right there. it sounds so wholesome you're overwhelmed by the idea. you'd do anything to have it... except actually asking for it.
because megumi doesn't initiate much-besides the occassional hand hold or quick kiss- you make the mistake of assuming he's not much of a touchy-cuddly guy.
and now you're both sitting on the couch watching a movie and there's a whole few inches of space between you and you're losing it.
your nerves couldn't be more obvious
hands fiddling in your lap, leg bouncing, chewing on your lip, playing too much with your hair- you're every sign of a girlfriend in distress.
(although it probably takes megumi a few minutes too long to actually ask you about it)
((sorry gumi, but you're not always great with your words))
eventually he gives you a concerned look and asks you what's on your mind
you're kind of a coward so you try to brush it off like it's nothing... but of course he just stares you down and waits for a proper answer because look at you, you're a wreck.
your eyes barely meeting his, you finally ask, "do you... notliketocuddle?" it's so quick and quiet megumi could almost miss it completely.
"what? what gave you that idea?" poor boy is genuinely confused.
so you nervously explain that it seems like he never wants to be too close to you, and now he's PANICKING because oh my god he'd love to have you glued to his side 24/7??? you're the only person in the world he wants to keep as close to him as humanly possible?? he just thought you were shy and wanted to take things slow!!
(he's trying to explain all of this to you in this moment... i'm sure you can imagine how messy his words are.. but he tries his best and it's endearing and you get the point)
it ends with him wrapping his arms around you and pulling you snug against his side, right under his arm so he can still hold you while you lean into his chest and finally start to enjoy the movie.
he can feel your anxieties melting away as you relax into him. he thinks you might miss the end of the movie with how slow your breathing becomes
... but he won't mind if you want to take a nap on him. he'd really like it, actually. any excuse to have you cuddled up to him a little longer
megumi learns the important lesson of initiating affection, and now when you're alone you couldn't keep the boy off you if you tried.
(you're still a bit shy though, but megumi thinks it's a win to see your pink cheeks)
#megumi brainrot#megumi x reader#fushiguro megumi x reader#megumi headcanons#fushiguro megumi headcanons
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I Like Me Better (One-Shot)
Heard an old favorite and couldn't help myself.
One-shot, pure fluff, Rise Leo, set in main timeline
He doesn’t… get it. Don’t get him wrong, he wishes he did. He wants to understand the hows and whys of the past few days, past few months. As he lies there on his own bed, he oh so desperately searches for answers.
But as much as he wants them, he also realizes that the only reason he thinks he doesn’t… is because everything in him doesn’t believe any of it.
He doesn’t want to believe that he thought you safe for shenanigans after you’d declared yourself unavailable. He wishes he hadn’t seen the broken lines that had led you to such a decision. He kind of hopes that it isn’t the reason he tried something new.
But it was. It is. And everyday he wakes up wondering how and why all while knowing, knowing why it is what it is.
Because every morning he wakes up next to you feels like a dream. Every time he opens his eyes to see the flickering ember that is you it feels so unreal, he wonders if his imagination has finally broken him down and he's officially gone insane.
“’Morning Leo.”
“’Morning.”
Because he’s never smiled this much. He’s never felt this calm. And usually, it’s a lot harder to get him to lose his words.
Not with you. Not with the way your pretty hands reach for his tense shoulders, making him fall back and churr the second they start kneading. And certainly not when, after all that, the next thing he gets is a kiss and a question.
“How was patrol?”
Every morning without fail. Every time, you fall into routine and he wonders. Just wonders.
“Boring, although Big Mama has been all too quiet lately. Might need to check on her again.”
“Are you going to need a hand?”
“I might. Depends if the application I sent gets accepted or not.”
“You really think she won’t catch on?”
“It’s Big Mama.”
All while wondering if it’s the same for you.
Do you get it? Do you understand? Because he doesn’t. He sure as hell doesn’t. It doesn’t stop him from smiling at your giggles, but he sure doesn’t get how things get so… comfortable. Along with how much he loves it.
“Well, let me know. I think Donatello finally perfected –”
“Really? You’re gonna yak about my brother this early?”
How much he adores your laughter before he cages you in with a kiss you huff against. How much he can’t help the shivers as your hand slides to and along his nape, breaking the kiss and bringing his forehead against yours. How much he’s impressed at how fast you manage to make him breathless as he presses his lips against yours without rhythm, without any other purpose than to blank your mind.
“Leo…”
If only because it gets him a response he knows he can’t hate along with an answer to his wondering, certainly when he pulls away just enough to catch the look in your eye.
It's you. It will forever be you. You make him feel so, so good. You took the mess he was and fashioned it into a man he can be proud of.
And he likes that. Pizza Supreme, does he adore it.
He settles his face in your neck with a chirp. He gives a few nudges with his beak before he mumbles something he knows will annoy you but can only hope you accept.
“Skip breakfast?”
He doesn’t want to share you yet. He wants to have your soft, pliant self a little longer. And from the way your lips find his, you agree.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise leo#rottmnt leo#rottmnt leonardo#rottmnt leo x reader#rise leo x reader#my writing
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youtube
This morning I went over to the church to see my favorite guy, who is so often surprising and challenging. He seemed a little out of sorts today, stammering and losing his place; I sometimes worry about this old guy, and I was paying attention. Then at the end of the mass he said that they're having air quality problems in the rectory and the EPA is involved. I hope he's not getting brain damage!
It was sort of funny, though, because the homily was about having trouble focusing--not being able to concentrate, and having anxiety about the future. That was pretty relevant to me, medically and otherwise. I'm writing this on the morning of the new moon, just to be extra flaky, about how much trouble I have forming goals.
Pursuing goals is also hard, but step one should be having a vision, and that's the really impossible part. When I was a little kid I had two ambitions: to be a writer, and to be dead. The latter thing represents one of the main motivating forces in my life, which is pain avoidance. I think this is the chief motivator of many people without them even realizing it; comfort-seeking itself can be a form of pain avoidance. Pain avoidance is not a legitimate goal, it's more of a reflex, and it can become a preoccupying distraction from any kind of actual ambition (especially as fulfilling ambitions often involves some amount of discomfort). Focusing on what you do not want is not equivalent to focusing on what you do want.
I never had a very good idea of what I want. I found this out when I went into therapy as an adult; I couldn't formulate any notion of what I wanted out of life. I couldn't even come up with any masturbatory, pie in the sky fantasies. I might vaguely be able to say something like "a bigger, nicer apartment", but I can't come up with any compelling ideas about what that would even look like. I try, but I know I'm faking it. Certainly part of my interest in religion and occultism is the idea that I could train myself to really clearly conceptualize any kind of goals or desires. In the case of occultism specifically (and, let's be honest, many forms of self-help), visualization is always a key element. In recent years I learned that I am abnormally incapable of forming mental images, and I have come to believe that this is intimately connected to my inability to figure out what I want or how to get it.
Nearly all of my thinking is verbal. I found out what aphantasia was while talking to my dad, who is extremely visual with an excellent grasp of spacial relations (something I have almost no concept of). He was shocked when I said I can't really picture anything, asking me "Then how do you do anything?" He said when he decides to make a sandwich, for instance, he automatically sees himself performing the actions of sandwich-making, and sees the aspirational sandwich in his mind's eye. Visualizing is essential to his entire executive process. It so happens that I am aphantasic and I have a lot of executive dysfunction. I no longer think this is coincidental.
(I'm also very faceblind, and I think this is connected; something to do with the ability to reconstitute a visual memory and relate it to something that is presently in front of me. But anyway...)
Perhaps oddly, I am an artist, or at least I have been. But I've never been able to draw from my imagination, like at all. The best work I've ever done is all swipes; I am a great believer in swipes, it can reveal a lot about your personal style and obsessions and when you re-draw someone else's art. But I can't just sit and think up something fun to draw, even when I try to just doodle I'm usually responding more to the lines I see emerging on the paper than anything I'm thinking or feeling. I think this is related to the fact that I'm an obsessive scopophile; I take in a lot of detail from my environment, and I watch movies with the same attitude and frequency with which most people listen to music. Recently I started to joke that I have an image deficiency and that's why I have to consume huge amounts of visual media, I need the external infusion. But like, it's not that much of a joke, maybe.
In my 30s I randomly developed this condition where scar tissue grows over your corneas, and I had to have a series of freaky eye surgeries. My doctors always asked if I grew up somewhere warm and sunny and windy, if I do a lot of outdoor sports (sometimes this condition is called "surfer's eye"); I thought this was pretty funny since I couldn't be more of an indoor kid, although maybe cycling is somewhat at fault. Still, my preferred diagnosis is that I watch so much trashy and violent crap that it literally scars my eyes. It's as good an explanation as any! And it does have this weird synergy with my other visual problems.
Anyway, it's not as if I've done absolutely nothing with my life. Quite a few personal achievements piled up in just the last couple of years; certainly I've benefited a lot from luck and the good will of others, but nothing would have happened without my own creativity and commitment. I just wish I had more, you know. Vision. I spend too much of my life "taking one day at a time" and waiting for things to happen to me, assuming I don't have much control over my experiences. I'd rather be able to imagine something that I want to happen and act on it; regardless of whether the thing is going to happen, I'd like to be able to formulate a goal other than paying the rent, or like, not waking up and going to sleep in a state of stark terror. I'm not sure how to get myself to that place, but maybe saying that that's what I want can count for something.
Anyway here are some photos of the thoughtfully planted shrubbery from the church. I missed the full bloom of the weeping cherries, but as soon as they die off the shrubs below turn bright red, pink, yellow, and white. It's pretty inviting I must say.
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possession
#carmen opera#carmen#traditional art#don jose#if i look at this for any longer i might lose my mind#id in alt
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What do u think of Gojo begging you to give him a handjob and promising he wont cum during NNN but surprise surprise he fails so u ruin his orgasm 🤯
I think YES???? this was insanely fun to write, tysm for the ask nonnie<33
tell me why i forgot nnn was a thing LOLLL
contains: fem reader, crack, handjobs, whiney!satoru, established relationship, cumming handsfree, ruined orgasm, failed edging, begging, gojo calls you 'ma'am ' once as a joke, 'baby' and 'princess' used for reader
2k words :p
MDNI
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔
"Baby pleeeeease." gojo whines, laying his head on your knees from where he sits between your legs on the carpeted floor,
"Satoru, you were just begging me last month to not let you cum during November no matter what." you sighed, he does this every year, making you swear up and down that you'll hold him accountable and not let him lose NNN, hearing from geto that if you last the whole month, the orgasm on December first was mind-numbing
of course, he wouldn't know, becasue every year he came crawling to you about how stupid this challenge was, barely a week into the challenge, and he was dragging you to the nearest surface and fucking you against it, filling your guts with his cum,
but not this time, miraculously he had held out this long, only eight days before the challenge was over. he of course had you to thank for thank, deep down you knew he really did want to complete this challenge, and thats why he was so insistant every time the dreaded month came around.
but Satoru was a slut for pleasure, especially for the kind of pleasure he got from you. Whether it was your hands, mouth, cunt, he could get off using any part of your body and he would be the happiest man on earth
"I won't cum, swear, just miss your hands on me baby pleeeease," he practically cried, hugging onto your knees, turning his face into your skin whining and groaning like a spoiled child,
"Toru, you and I both know you do not have enough self-restraint to just edge yourself," knowing him better than himself
together, you guys have tried edging, Satoru never being able to make it past the first time you stopped right before he came, once again saying how stupid this was, quickly fucking his cock back into you and bringing himself to the brink of orgasm using your body, cumming with no restraint, even though he was once again the one who brought the idea to you,
"I'm starting to think you might have commitment issues," you mumble under your breath, his fake cries and obnoxious pouting pulling you out of your thoughts, phone dropping by your side, looking down at him with a huff,
"Please, all you gotta do is rub my cock a little, just for a second please," he drags out the please once more, lip sticking out in a pout as he looks up through his snowy lashes at you, "jus wanna feel you please, it's been so long, need it, baby, please."
shutting your eyes and sighing once again, unable to deny him any longer with him being so persistent, especially when he asks you so nicely, looking up at you with those beautiful eyes of his,
"oh my goddd Satoru, okay, fine." you shake your head, slapping your hand over your face, and he perks up, immediately abandoning his spoiled rich kid act, leaving fat kisses all over your knees, "yes yes yes thank you, baby, promise I won't let you down,"
he stands up and you peek through the cracks in your fingers, hand still on your face and your jaw practically drops at the sight, he is already sporting a huge tent in the crotch of his grey sweats, smile stretching from ear to ear while he looks down at you,
"you're already hard?" you exclaim, disbelief plastered on your face, "feelin' on ur legs made me hard," he says nonchalantly, the expression on your face not changing, "now up you go!" leaning down he scoops you up from under your arms and throws you over his shoulder like you weigh nothing, "woah! toru!" you exclaim, caught off guard as he takes long strides to your bedroom
strong hold on the underside of your knees as he hums, making his way through the hallway, finally reaching his destination and plopping you down in front of him on the hard floor, "how do ya want me your majesty?" he smirks, hands in his pockets waiting for your direction, "jus' go lay down on the bed you freak," pushing his solid chest back towards the king mattress,
putting on a show as he faux stumbles backward, flopping back on the bed, fluffy white hair on the pillows, putting one hand behind his head, the other coming down to rub himself over his sweats, "don't leave me waiting princess" biting his lip, lips corners of his lips curling up into a flirty smile,
"stop fucking touching yourself," you sigh, "gonna cum before I even get my hands on you." You're feeling undeniably aroused yourself, you and Gojo have a very active sex life, never going weeks without touching each other unless he is away on a mission. since he made quite the effort with the challenge this time around (largely thanks to you) you've been feeling pretty antsy, participation in the challenge yourself as a way of supporting him,
though there's no real pressure on you, if you wanted you could rub one out at any time. the only downside is that getting off on your own never felt as good as it did with Satoru,
he whistles, giving himself one last grope before his heavy hand joins the other behind his head, "yes ma'am" he says slightly teasing tone lacing his voice,
you crawled on top of him, resting your ass right above his knees, "remember Satoru, you're not going to cu-" he cuts you off, waving his hand in front of you, rolling his eyes, "yeah yeah, not gunna cum, I got it," he says snarkily, a little too snarky for someone who was quite literally on his knees begging you to touch his stupid cock, but you digress,
narrowing your eyes at him before sliding your slender fingers over his upper thighs, over his hips, teasing his lower stomach, barely grazing his twitching clothed cock on the way back down, repeating the process a couple of times, sometimes opting to skip over running your fingers over his cock altogether
his jaw is slightly slack, watching your hands intently, "cmon, don't be a tease baby," he sighs, pushing his hips off the bed towards you, "You're in no place to make demands right now," staring into his intimidating eyes challengingly,
he bites his lip, shutting his mouth, awaiting your move, pushing his shirt up, resting right under his pecs as you tease your fingers on the short white hairs of his happy trail, right above the hem of his pants,
smile now off his face, looking concentrated as he bites his lip harshly, eyes darting back between your fingers and pretty face, looking so concentrated on what you were doing,
your cunt was aching to feel him inside you, trying to push your own needs out of your brain, feeling nearly impossible as you exposed more and more of his happy trail the more you teased down his pelvis,
finally grabbing the fabric of his pants and sliding them down his incredibly toned thighs, he lifted his hips, aiding you in undressing him, his breathing started to pick up when you looked closely at his cock straining under his boxers
staring at a dark spot where his pre was leaking from his tip under his briefs, trying not to roll your eyes back when he made his cock jump. taking your index finger and rubbing it on the wet patch on the head of his dick, drawing little circles around it, his breath hitching, breathing picking up slightly watching you pull your finger back slowly, a string of cum connecting the two of you,
giving his boxers the same treatment, slipping your fingers underneath the hem and sliding them down, his hips raising again to make your job easier, and he's grinning so hard when your jaw drops open, watching his flushed cock slap back against his tummy, flexing the appendage again, putting on a show for you,
"your cock is so pretty Toru," you marvel, squeezing your thighs together so you can focus on the task at hand, "ur leaking so much," finger tapping his angry head a couple of times, proving your point as the cum makes little 'plap' 'plap' sounds when your finger comes in contact with him,
"There's so much it looks like you already came," you tease, finally wrapping your hand around his warm tip, hips leaving the bed once more to slide into your hand, "hips on the bed please Satoru," you correct, muscles in his thighs and abs flexing as you feel him connect his ankles together behind you,
starting to give him steady shallow pumps and his jaw is slack, eyes rolling back when you twist your wrist over the head of his neglected dick, "fuuuuck baby, just what I needed," he breathily laughs out a smile, "a little faster please," he requests, both hands leaving their place behind his head to grip the sheets by his sides,
"let me know when you feel close," you instruct, waiting to see him nod in acknowledgment before pumping your hand a little faster, sliding effortlessly up and down his cock with vulgar wet sounds thanks to his leaky cock,
"yesyesyes s-shit, squeeze harder," breaths entering and leaving his lungs rapidly as he tips his head back into the pillows, when you follow his instructions he lets out a long groan, abs clenching more frequently, your body jolting a bit every time he fidgeted his legs around the sheets behind you,
breathing heavily yourself, free hand coming down to press against the heat between your thighs, a temporary relief as you tried to memorize his every reaction he gives you,
"you close Satoru?" you question, noticing his breath come in shorter pants, warm cock twitching and straining against your hands, his thighs. tensing and unsensing more frequently, all telltale signs of his impending orgasm, "I asked you a question," you emphasized with a strong squeeze at the base of his lengthy cock, "n-no, not close yet, promise," he bites his lip, keeping his eyes screwed shut, sheets between his fingers practically ripping before you continue,
choosing to believe him you keep up the previous pace, squeezing your fingers tight around the tip of his cock on the downstroke and that's when you notice one of his hands abandoning his grip on the poor sheets to cover his mouth, his moans reaching a crescendo, and you know exactly whats happening
He's going to cum, and he lied to you about it
jerking your hand up his cock once more before you let go completely, anticipating his moves when he shoots his head up, hands reaching for his cock and you catch his wrists, pining them above his head, if he had half a mind he would break out of your grip with ease, but he was milliseconds from cumming, not having his usual strength coursing through his body,
"no! Nononono," he's protesting when his back arches, curling in on itself, legs thrashing under your weight as his cock dribbles out long spurts of cum, twitching and throbbing with every string, "Fuuuuck nooo, no, ughhh," he groans at you for ruining his orgasm, whole body twitching,
dick starting to soften in his own mess against his lower abs,
"you seriously thought you were gonna get away with that? you asked in an incredulous tone, hes pouting, letting out a long groan of your name before tipping his head forward and making eye contact with you,
"That was sooo mean" he pouts, "ive been saving that load..." he whines out, cock still twitching in the aftershocks,
"what was mean, is when I asked if you were gonna cum and you lied straight to my face," you spat, laughing in disbelief, swinging your legs off his torso while his eyes follow your figure, watching you wipe your hands using a tissue from the box you keep on the bedside table, he groans out your name again, "I'm sorryyyy, was feeling sooo good," he tries to justify
giving him a look that screams are you actually serious right now, as you start towards the door, "sounds like you need a pussyban to me," you deadpan, walking through the doorframe out into the hallway,
"WOAH!! woah, woahwoahwoah," practically teleporting his feet on the floor, hastily pulling up his pants as he chases you out of the room, hot on your trail, "baby! baby, haha, let's not do anything drastic now, kay?" he baffles in disbelief, worry laced in his voice.
#i could never put him on a pussyban#let’s be real#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru x reader#gojo smut#gojo satoru fic#gojou x reader#gojo fluff#jjk gojo#gojou satoru x reader#gojo saturo#jujutsu gojo#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#gojou satoru smut#jjk satoru#satoru smut#jujutsu kaisen satoru#jujutsu satoru#gojou satoru x you#satorugojo#gojou satoru x y/n
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Go spend some time on male pattern baldness or male(AMAB) balding forums/subreddits and such. I did after realizing it is happening to me and the ammount of people who truly don't realize how BRUTALLY it tanks people's confidence and mental health is insane.
There's no cure to baldness by the way, and it can start at any time and there's no way to predict how fast or slow it will go. The only real working option is a daily pill that usually just halts it, but it can stop working or just slow it down or cause major side effects. To regrow you have to use a daily topical solution, or use a roller to wound your scalp. None of these are surefire by the way, and if you stop them you'll just lose your hair and whatever you regained. It's a daily involved thing that might not work and often at best just retains. The best drug, the one that occasionaly gives regrowth, also causes shedding at the start, and can have side effects from growing breasts to brain fog to EDsyfunction(sorry, censoring cause tumblr). Now, those are INCREDIBLY rare and almost never happen but it weighs heavily on the mind of those already spiraling.
But that's just background. What I'm here to talk about is the pure woe you'll see on those forums. People speak as though their lives are over, as though they've lost every chance of finding a woman(predominantly, there's a running idea in such places that women don't like bald men or like them less) or doing anything. You can read countless stories of people who describe that they no longer go outside, are now filled with anxiety and self-hate, have gone from extroverted to never showing their face. And some of these people are kids who lost their hair in high school or even before, or are holding as best they can to a very receded hairline and feel like there is nothing they can do.
And then there's something touched upon far less in those communities, but is important to bring up here; baldness and masculinity. There's the horror of knowing so much of society sees a bald guy as a very masculine guy, at seeing that the best advice for being hot and bald is "grow and beard and big muscles bro". Imagine now you're AMAB balding and nonbinary, or a trans woman who doesn't want to be on hormones.
Just genuinely take the time to look at those forums no matter who you are. Understand what these people go through, what I am currently going through. It is soul-crushing, spiraling, brutal. I have the dream of one day being like Brennan Lee Mulligan or Matt Mercer and starting to lose my hair made me feel like I could never. I felt like and still feel like I would have to be masculine, have to be a bro-y dude, have to look older than I was(I'm fuckin 22). It was the feeling that I could never dress feminine again, never present as a woman when I wanted to again, that I'd always be viewed as a bald guy before anything else.
This is an incredibly vulnerable post for me, and I hope it reaches you all as well in a kind and understanding mood. There's a tendency online for people to joke about baldness, to make fun of it, to treat it as a playfull silly thing but it fucking ruins lives, and it shouldn't. It happens to half the population's sort of bodies and very often. It should just be a neutral thing. You don't need long hair to be feminine, you don't need hair to be feminine. You don't need hair for anything. I guess I'm just saying in general that everyone should be kinder about balding, more understanding, and view it with as much import as they'd view the pixels between this sentence and the next. None at all, I mean.
And for those like me, very feminine guys who wanna keep that and don't want a beard and are terrified of balding, here's some names and I do hope others that see this will add more;
Mr. Bruce (also in The Correspondents(band)
Alex Ward in LA By Night
Jason Carl in LA By Night
Cecil Baldwin of Welcome To Night Vale
Bob The Drag Queen
RuPaul(in looks alone, I know about the whole fracking stuff but this post is about looks)
tananasho on instagram
Also your mannerisms and style of dress will convey femininity far more than your hair. Yea sure a front-on neutral shot of you may not and maybe you need makeup and stuff, and hell maybe a lot of people might reject you more but it'll just filter down to the people for you.
And to all you artists and writers and creatives; make more bald characters. Try it out. Feminine ones, masculine ones, all sorts. None of the copout nonhuman sort, just dudes and girls and mates and individuals who are all sorts of things and also bald. It might make a few of the people going through the various vortexes of pain that balding causes feel a bit better.
And to those noticing I did not adress female hair loss much here, that was intentional. I am AMAB and currently a nonbinary guy who goes by any pronouns but often likes to present as fem. I learned I was possibly losing my hair and lost two months of my life, no work or going or anything, to male hair loss forums and research and spiraling. Checking my hair twenty times a day, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to think. And my situation was NOT unique, but it also did not give me any experience or understanding of female hair loss and what AFAB people may go through with that, so I don't feel knowledgeable enough to speak on it.
Also living with baldness WILL get easier and you will find something that works for it, by virtue of simply living with it. Things get easier with time.
#bald#balding#hair loss#hair#hair care#minoxidil#dermaroller#baldness#bald and feminine#bald fem#using a lot of tags due to this being triggering for many and cause I want it to be seen#and because I want those who went through what I did to be able to find it#mpb#androgen alopecia#also I know this post is long but I'm not sorry cause it's important. If even one person has a bit less stress then that's good.#feminine bald man
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A Hero on Socks | Virgin!Eddie Munson x Reader
Stranger Things Masterlist / Inbox
Summary: You've always known your now boyfriend Eddie was a virgin, but with how worked up you've been while teasing him recently, you're not gonna let the first time be over that quickly
Content Warnings / Tags: Smut, mdni, virgin!eddie, established relationship, wrap it before you tap it obviously, overstimulation, no use of y/n
Word Count: 1.9k
A/N: Couldn't resist my Eddie Munson fixation any longer. The title comes from a Dutch expression and it basically means someone who seems courageous but is actually a nervous little shit and it seemed perfect for Eddie. I haven't written in a little while so I hope this is still good <3 (This accidentally posted early so enjoy xx)
The two of you had been dancing on a delicate line of 'just friends' for a while now, and you're not even entirely sure what the turning point was, but eventually you crossed it, now officially being able to call Eddie Munson your boyfriend.
He made heart eyes at you every time you walked in a room, and not a single one of your friends failed to point this out when you told them you got together, none of them the slightest bit surprised.
It might be a new relationship, but you have known each other for years now, and you knew how to get what you wanted from Eddie. So yes, you knew he was still a virgin, but you failed to see how this would make a difference to you, you didn't care, people shouldn't have to worry that others will hold that against them. What you hadn't counted on, however, was how shy he actually turned whenever you started to tease him.
While you were still friends he would flirt with you unrelentingly, constantly making suggestive comments and touching you in one way or another. But maybe the fact that nothing was supposed to come of it gave him the boost he now seemed to have lost, because whenever you slipped your hand underneath his shirt when you were on the couch next to him, every moment you tried to heat up a kiss, he would go rigid, you would feel his body tense as he ceased any and all actions to create some distance between you.
You asked him what was going on, asked him if he didn't want to have sex with you, and you had never seen him swivel his head in place so fast, his eyes wide with confusion as he looked at you, sputtering to tell you that wasn't the problem at all. And that's when you learned that the dungeon master of the hellfire club was in fact nervous.
And really, it was quite cute to see the blood rush to his cheeks when you took your top off, his Adams apple bobbing as you sucked on his pulse point. The boy was downright bashful.
As the days passed, you found more and more ways in which to get a rise of out him, in more ways than one. From walking into the chill living room without a bra under your t-shirt to not so subtly grinding your ass into him while standing closeby, but your plan began to backfire as you just wanted him more and more yourself, wondering how much longer your patience would hold up.
The silent curses and groans had you losing your own mind with lust as the days passed, up until the moment he had finally snapped, dragging you into his bedroom in frenzy, trying to get you on top of him as fast as he could.
All of your hard work had led to this moment right here, you could hear his panting from underneath you, his breath becoming more shallow as the muscles in his abdomen started to twitch, and if you weren't so lost in pleasure yourself, you might have teased him for how fast he was becoming undone.
It's only been a few minutes, and there's a heat creeping up on his neck, you can't resist bending over to meet his lips in a searing kiss. When you move on to mouth at the soft skin of his neck, delicately sucking hickeys into it, the sounds that leave him are nothing less than sinful.
His hands have a death grip on your hips, trying to ground himself but miserably failing every time you grind yourself further into him. You're trying to figure out what he's saying, but it's no more than mumbling in-between his moans of your name, and with how hazy your head is you don't have it in yourself to figure it out. It's only when he suddenly slams his head back against the pillow, face screwed up in a way you can see the small crease between his eyebrows as he curses wildly that you pick up on the fact he wasn't just close, no, he just came.
At any other time you would have found it adorable, you would have giggled and coed at him softly as you assured him with a sweet kiss that it's okay, but not this time. This time you've been getting yourself worked up from teasing him, from leading him up to this, from the feeling of finally, finally getting his dick inside you. So no, not this time, this time you won't let the feeling in your stomach fade away, won't stop just yet.
You feel his cum coating your walls, and the feeling only keeps you going further. It takes Eddie a few seconds to catch on in his state, heavy breath he's trying to catch and a permanent look of pleasure now etched on his face, but you know the exact moment he realizes from the small twitch his dick is already giving again.
"Sweetheart, what are you doing?" He sounds almost close to tears, but he looks at you with nothing but amazement in his eyes.
"You might be done Eddie, but that doesn't mean that I am" youre starting to get a little out of breath yourself, the sentence caught between small whimpers, he scrunches his eyes shut again when you tell him, and the most heavenly moan leaves his mouth as you continue to roll your hips.
You knew deep down that if he truly wanted to, he could easily get you off him, even in a euphoric state, and so you knew that he is enjoying himself just as much as you are.
His eyes snap back open as you start to go faster, chasing that warm feeling bubbling up inside you, his dick is fully hard again inside you, and you don't doubt it has turned an angry red colour by now.
"It's too much baby, I can't-" he doesn't manage to finish his thought from the guttural groan that follows him, and you can't deny it only turns you on further to see him this blissed out.
He's struggling to keep his eyes open, wanting to watch you but gettig lost in the vision of it. Torn between pleasure and pain, the two merging together as you keep going. You can feel the satisfaction of it tugging at your heart as you keep moving, feeling his throbbing dick inside of you as you change the rythm. Eddie is still a mess underneath you, whimpering and groaning for anything, for everything, and it’s too fun not to tease him further.
“What do you want Eddie, tell me and I might give it to you.” You wonder if it even matters what you’re saying, sure that at this point he’s far beyond reach, but he doesnt dare leave you unanswered.
“You’re so warm baby fuck, just please, please”
You lean into him again, leaving a trail of kisses down the spot on his neck you know make him go weak. “Please what, finish your sentences honey, or I’ll stop right now” The both of you know it’s an empty threat, you’re too close yourself to even dare abandon your goal, but the mere thought of it is enough to make Eddie give you anything you’d want, youre decently sure you could ask for the moon right now and he would go out to catch it for you.
“Please let me cum, I wanna cum so bad holy shit” He can feel you tightening around him as he asks, another pornographic moan leaving him, and you would have made fun of him for it if you weren’t basking in the fact you’ve got him wrapped around your finger.
“Alright baby, because you asked so nicely, go ahead, cum for me.” you whisper the response in his ear, and it takes him mere seconds to find your lips, hiding away in the sweet escape of your tongue against his. For the second time you can feel his cock pulsing his cum inside of you, desperate for the realease. And it’s that feeling exactly, the feeling of his pleasure, that tips you over the edge yourself. The ecstasy taking over your mind, helplessly keeping rocking against him as you slump over, moaning his name as you cum. He catches you in his arms, already tracing patterns in your skin as you’re still riding out your orgasm.
It takes you a few minutes to fully come back to earth, stars twinkling in your vision. You can feel Eddie’s steady breathing underneath you, his heart still thumping rapidly as you listen for his regular pattern of breaths, mimicking it in order to catch your own.
“You alright?” His soft voice soothes you, always so gentle, even if most can’t see it. It makes you chuckle this time around, amused at the irony.
“I feel like I should be asking you that.” He mirrors your expression now, a grin breaking out across his face.
“Never been better sweetheart” He accompanies his words with sloppy kisses all over your face, smacking his lips against you in a manner that has you giggling against him.
“Was worried it was too much is all” You look down when you tell him, and he cups your jaw, silently asking you to face him again
“There isn’t a world out there where there could be too much of you.” He kisses you slowly this time, not rushed, not chasing anything, simply enjoying the moment as it is.
You lift yourself up slightly, feeling him leave from inside of you, and when he does you already miss the feeling again. You feel his seed dripping out of you, revelling in how he filled you up until you were so, so full. He’s watching, and you can feel his dick make a small twitch at the sight as he’s holding his breath, completely fixated on it.
“Fucking hell-” he still can’t seem to tear his gaze away, and you’re not immune to the effect itself.
“Give me a few minutes and we can go for another round” You’re laughing at his antics now, his nerves seeming to have fully disappeared and the Eddie you know so well has made it back to you.
He coaxes you to the side to lay down next to him as he slides his arms around you, your leg tangling over his as you snuggle up beside him. Your limbs feel like jelly as he holds you, his fingers still delicately moving across your skin as you can hear his heartbeat evening out from where you're lying down on his chest. This was Eddie, your Eddie, a guy who put on a big show for everyone, but when he was with you got to see his true self, and it only made you love him more.
#eddie munson#eddie#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson smut#eddie x y/n#eddie x you#eddie x reader#stranger things smut#eddie stranger things#eddie smut#stranger things fic#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things#stranger things x reader#stranger things x you#stranger things x y/n#eddie fluff#eddie munson fic#eddie munson fics#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fluff#eddie fic#eddie fanfic#virgin!eddie munson#virgin!eddie
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For headcanon monday, I have this one in my head that when Azriel finds his mate she’s going to be so SMALL in comparison to him, like just so short and little standing next to this big Illyrian warrior - but Azriel LOVES it, finding any excuse to pick her up/carry/generally hold her, constantly teasing her about her size, and omg how *protective* he is over her not only because she’s his mate but because of her size, and she is just a ball of feisty energy that clearly has no fear of a n y t h i n g
STOP THIS IS SO CUTE OMG
Azriel With a Short Mate:
Azriel was already certain he didn't have a mate. He asked the Mother every night for years when it was his turn, when he would join his brothers, but when they went unanswered, he finally turned away from the childish dreams.
So, color him floored when he catches sight of you, his chest tightening with something he was too scared to think of.
You were arguing with someone right outside of Rita's; your small stature was immediately noticeable compared to the tall man you were fighting with.
He felt a surge of protectiveness overcome his senses, his shadows already reaching out to you before the guy not so gently pushed you.
Everything seemed to slow as he stepped forward, fists already curled, until he saw your own fist raise and collide with the man's jaw.
His eyebrows raised in surprise, stepping to the side as the man stumbled back and fell to the ground.
Your breathing was ragged as you shook your hand, curling and uncurling your fingers as you finally looked up at him.
And everything clicked into place.
The two of you grew closer quickly and, within months, already moving in together.
In that time, you realized Az LOVED your height. You had opened up about it one night as being an insecurity.
He listened and then held you close, able to completely cocoon you in his wings as he stroked your hair and whispered to you how beautiful you are.
"You're perfect, Y/N. Look how well we fit together."
He might also say this during sex but that's a whole other post.
He loves to hold you when he takes you flying, enjoying the way you can bury your head into his neck when he swoops down suddenly.
He carries you whenever you have too much to drink, when you're too tired to make it to bed, when you're sick, really just any time he can. It's his favorite thing.
He makes sure to match his stride whenever you two are walking, holding your hand and gazing down at you with the most adoring eyes.
Everyone teases you about your height difference, especially the IC, but Azriel makes you feel so secure that you no longer mind.
Even Az teases you sometimes, leaning his arm on your head or holding this where you can't reach when you're being a little bit of a brat.
The best thing about your height though is how protective he is of you.
You can hold your own in a fight, everyone knows that, but Azriel is so quick to rush to your defense. He'll stand in front of you, basically hiding you from how much taller he is as his wings flare and his shadows whisper against your ear not to be afraid.
You are his life. His heart. You are too precious to lose.
And, despite his protests, you protect him just as fiercely.
You basically have scary dog privilege. And you love it.
#acotar#acotar headcanon#acomaf#acowar#acofas#acosf#azriel#azriel headcanon#azriel x reader#azriel acotar#azriel x reader acotar#acotar reader#acotar reader headcanon
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[09:41] 💭 riding haechan (with some edging)
warnings: haechan x afab!reader, riding, unprotected sex, edging, breeding, light overstimulation, use of pet names (baby), MDNI
a/n: breaking my silence with a haechan hard hour.. i have no idea what inspired this but i hope u enjoy this.. it’s literally just filth
haechan can’t help the whimpers that fall from his mouth—not when you’re riding him so well and squeezing his cock with every slow, tortuous drag of your hips.
you’ve been at it for what feels like hours now, teasing your boyfriend until you’re sure he’s about to lose his mind. he’s close, has been since you straddled his hips and sank your tight heat down around his aching cock, and haechan’s thoughts are jumbled from how long he’s been teetering on the edge.
all he can think about is you on top of him, whispering dirty praises in his ear, all while dragging your pussy up and down his length. he doesn’t know what he did to deserve someone as beautiful as you on top of him. he can’t look away from you, eyes roaming every inch of your body as you bounce on his cock.
he thinks that if anyone were to be edging him to the brink of insanity, at least it’s you.
haechan knows you’re being mean without reason, pushing him around a little, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like it. he likes when you get him so close to the edge, his cock twitching and stomach tightening as he gets closer and closer, only to tear that release away from him completely.
as much as he whines and tries to protest, he loves every second of it. he’d never admit it to your face.
he places his hands on your hips, trying to guide you to a pace that’s faster and less torturous for his sensitive cock. he thinks that if he doesn’t get to cum inside you within the next few minutes, he might actually start crying. the tears that start to form in his eye are a dead giveaway.
you follow his lead, deciding to spare him just a little, and pick up the pace. he feels so good inside you, cock deep and hitting all the right spots. “good, s’good, baby,” you moan out, hands scrambling to find purchase on his chest.
you ignore the burn in your thighs from how long you’ve been riding him. you’re too close to stop now, and haechan’s nearly right where you want him.
“s-shit,” haechan whimpers, head falling back against the pillows. his hands squeeze your hips tightly, groping at the skin as he tries to fight off the urge to cum. the feeling of your tight pussy around him is becoming too much, and haechan seriously thinks he can’t last any longer. you’re sucking him in, working your hips up and down his cock as if you’re begging him to let go—begging him to stuff you full of his cum.
but he can’t, not when he knows that you’re going to stop. this is the game that you’re playing and without fail, haechan seems to lose every time. you get him so close to the edge, dangerously so, then deny him before he can even think about letting go.
his whines are loud, eyes brimming with tears as he tries so hard not to cum.
“please,” haechan tries, eyes squeezing shut. “m’gonna cum, please,” he begs, not sure if he’s asking for permission to cum or for you to stop before he loses control and spills inside your warm cunt.
you smile, stilling your hips to give him a break. you’re mean, but you’d never ignore your pretty boy when he cries so beautifully from underneath you.
“yeah?” you ask, coming up to run a gentle hand through his hair that’s sweaty and wet, sticking to his forehead from how hot the room is. “you think you deserve to cum now?”
haechan opens his eyes to look at you, nodding his head in desperation. his cock throbs inside you. “let me, please. wanna cum inside you so bad,” he begs again, hands coming up to roam along your waist and the curve of your back.
you let out a pleasant sigh at the touch, hips starting to grind in slow, gentle circles on his cock. you nod your head, finally deciding to play nice. “fuck me, hyuckie. fuck me ‘n i’ll let you cum, promise,” you whisper, leaning down to mouth at his neck.
haechan moans at the feeling, hips starting to buck. he’s been waiting so long for this—waiting for you to give him the permission to cum and fuck you like he needs. he wraps his arms around you and plants his feet on the bed, thrusting his hips up into your cunt.
he’s too desperate to care about rhythm, brain muddled with nothing but the thought to fuck, claim, and have you full of his cum. you’re squeezing so tightly around him, pussy wet and squelching with every thrust of his cock.
“hyuck!” you cry out, suddenly overwhelmed with how fast and deep he’s fucking into you. it’s so good and so much at the same time, sending you hurdling over the edge without warning.
“m’so close,” haechan groans into the air, hips still pounding into you as he chases his release. “gonna fuck you full, b-baby. gonna stuff you with my cum, c’mon, let me please,” he babbles without end, “wanna make you mine.”
“cum, hyuck—fuck,” you whine from the oversensitivity, hole fluttering around his cock as he fucks you past your orgasm. it’s overwhelming, but you need him to cum. “cum in me, baby,” you plead, words breaking off with a moan.
it takes one, two, three more thrusts before haechan’s spilling into you with a loud moan, cock twitching as his cum paints your walls. tears are rolling down his face as he finally gets to let go, arms pulling you down closer to his body. your pussy clenches hard around him at the warm feeling of his cum inside you.
you smash your lips against his, kissing him with need. he moans into the kiss before breaking away to pant against your mouth, the both of you exhausted from whatever just went down.
“you drive me crazy, you know that?” haechan asks between pants, eyes finding yours. there’s a fondness in his eyes that makes your heart swell.
you smile, placing a light and chaste kiss on his lips. “i know.”
a/n: i don’t know what came over me but i need haechan bad guys pleasepleaseplease someone listen to me PLEASSEEEE!!! also let’s talk abt how this was supposed to be my birthday hard hour present…. mind u my birthday was last friday….. anyways everyone say happy late birthday winnie
#haechan x reader#haechan hard hours#winnie’s hard hours#nct dream#nct 127#nct dream smut#nct 127 smut#lee haechan#nct x reader
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pairing: lando norris x femalereader
summary: lando seems too innocent sometimes. however, as your boyfriend, his hidden kinks start to unveil themselves. oh, and they're very, very hot.
warnings: cursing words, sexual activities, female pleasuring
"DO YOU HIDE any of your kinks from me, baby?" You asked, glaring at your boyfriend as his soft hair caressed your flesh. His beautiful face was buried between your legs, and his features lit up once you exclaimed the words.
"What?" His accent kicked in. His colorful eyes narrowed and a smile appeared on his lips.
"I'm no fool. You know what a kink is." You giggled and scratched his neck playfully. "Shoot. I'm prepared."
You heard your boyfriend’s delicate laughter. "Baby, I might be crazy in love with you, but I'd never reveal to you something like that."
"Why?" You frowned, starting to get a bit annoyed.
"I don't know, I just..." Lando let out a breath and got up. "I feel like you're too perfect to know that I picture you and me doing such dirty things."
He got comfortable on the bed next to you and then gently grabbed you by the wrist, dragging you to your favorite seat. His lips. You dat on him, as your chest was on his eye level. You could already feel something sharp and hrad poking your thigh.
"Lando, I..." You tried to find the right words to persuade him. Sometimes, he made you think that he'd never been in a relationship ever before. Or maybe that he was too perfect for you. "We are a couple, aren't we, baby?"
"Yes, love." His response was instant, and his hands found your waist, grabbing it as if he were the owner of it.
He indeed was.
"Okay, then tell me, Lando." You tried to change his mind by fake-puppy eyeing. It always worked, to be honest.
Lando proceeded in a long exhale. "Fine." You noticed him bit his lip. "But don't you dare asking me to actually do it in real life."
You chuckled. "Why?"
"You'll see why once I say it."
You moved yourself on top of him to get more cozy, and his eyes were very beautiful. It's too beautiful, in fact.
You couldn't resist that. No straight, non-blind woman could, you were sure about that.
You'd like to take control and ride him once he was done telling you what he had to say. But you couldn't way for much longer. You could already feel yourself soaking wet down there, and he hadn't even touched you wet.
"Okay." You tried to make this as brief as possible. "Tell me."
"Well..." he started. "You know how much I love your ass." Lando blurted out.
Of course, you knew how much he adored your curves. He didn't miss a single chance to smack or squeeze your ass whenever the opportunity occurred.
You smiled. "Go on."
"Well, I--" You could tell he was a bit embarrassed, and that kind of frightened you.
You and him had been together for almost a year, and he seemed to struggle revealing things ti you as if you two had hust starting seeing each other.
"I think I know where this is going." You said, caressing his soft cheeks and hair. His face was kind of red, making his innocent eyes pop up more. "I can already tell it's something really, really dirty." You teased him, and he blushed even more. "And hot."
Gosh, you were so freaking wet.
Lando's eyes filled with pure curiosity. "How'd you know?" He wondered with his beautiful, british accent.
"You're so hard beneath me that it actually hurts my thigh."
Surprised by your statement, Lando looked around and exhaled as if this was too much to handle. He grabbed you by the waist hard and pulled you closer to him.
He didn't proceed to kissing you, though. He just rested his forehead against your, closing his eyes and placing his hands on your cheeks.
You heard him shallow. "You know, you're making it more difficult if you say things like that, angel."
"Thanks for telling me." You smiled against his smile, feeling his warm breath tickle your sensitive skin. "I'm writing it down so I can do it more often." You teased again.
His pretty eyes were still closed as if opening them would mean losing control.
"Fuck, (y/n)," Lando growled. "Don't do this to me, please." He begged, his eyes remaining stubbornly shut.
Please.
"Okay, if you want me to stop, you'll have to tell me." You smiled. "I promise, I'm not going to suggest doing it unless you say so."
Your gaze finally met his.
He applied a small peck on your nose, then on the area of your lips, then lowering his head to reach the skin of your neck.
Your flesh was warm under his touch.
"Ride my face, baby." His accent pronounced.
Your eyes widened, and you were so glad he didn't witness that. His head was buried on your neck and hair.
"Do you want me to?" You asked, just to be completely sure. "Do you think you're going to handle it?"
"Yes, just do it?" He started kissing you.
"Really? What about breathing?" You pulled just a few inches away in order to be able to talk. "Are you sure you'll be able to breathe?"
Lando filled the gap between the two of you once again, not letting you exclaim a word. "Just shut up and ride it, baby." He pulled your shorts and panties away with our swift move. "From now on, you're not opening that beautiful, little mouth of yours again. Only to beg for more or scream my name. Got it?"
You tossed his shirt on the floor, and then your own shirt followed as well.
He laid down, and before you even got the chance to understand what was going on, he pulled you to him. Without talking, he placed you on top of his head, and he twisted his tongue to make your stomach swirl into a million circles. "God, I knew you were soaking wet." He said.
He did that a few more times and a few moans escaped from your lips.
"Move your hips for me, love." Lando said, encouraging you.
You did as he said and the feeling on your stomach only got more intense.
Too much.
Too hot.
Too perfect too handle.
Just like Lando.
He geabbed your thighs with possessiveness, swnding another wave of pleasure through your entire system.
"Fuck, Lando..."
At first, he just utilized his tongue.
He wouldn't let you come until three of his fingers were into you.
You screamed in pleasure and the orgasm arrived only when he said it.
This is heaven, you thought. And it also goes by the name Lando Norris.
#f1 drivers#f1#formula 1#formula 1 imagine#formula one#f1 memes#formula 1 memes#formula one oneshot#f1 x reader#formula one imagine#lando norris x reader#lando norris one shot#lando norris fanfic#lando norris smut#lando norris#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x oc#lando norris fluff#lando norris f1#lando norris fanart#lando norris social media au#formula one fic#formula 1 one shot#formula one fanfiction#formula 1 fanfic#f1 x you#f1 one shot#f1 smut#f1 x y/n
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Drag Me Under
Request: anon—Colby and Reader are friends who won’t admit their romantic feelings to one another, and in order to make her jealous, Colby interacts with another girl, but instead, it makes the Reader distance herself from him. Make it very angsty and fluffy.
Summary: Colby decides to get with another girl to make the Reader confess her feelings for him, but it backfires nearly costing them their friendship instead.
Warnings: Angst, Jealousy, Vomiting, Alcohol, Colby x Reader smut, Unprotected sex, Couple Arguing, Crying during sex, Body worship, Praises, and fluff that will put tears in your eyes…
Words: 9.8k
No Y/N Used
Title is from ‘Drag Me Under’ by Sleep Token
My heart ached with every second I wasn’t safely unaware in my sleep.
A desperation gnawed bone deep, and I wasn’t in any place to get rid of it. Every second I was in that house my stomach was in knots to the point where I couldn’t hold food down.
I hated him; oh I hated him so much that it made me sick.
And then not even my sleep was safe.
I thrusted awake in the dead of night with sweat across my skin and my legs pushed so tightly together I thought I would combust. The last time I woke up teetering the edge of a climax I was in high school when hormones were high and common sense was low.
I lay there until the sun cast a blue sheen to my room, and thought about whether his hands in real life would feel as world shattering.
And then I would see him in real life, he would open his mouth, and I would roll my eyes and inwardly kick myself. For such a pretty face and beautiful body, he sure was a bonehead and a half. God, it pissed me off. Every time he opened his mouth I was reminded how clueless he was, how much of an idiot he was.
So tell me why I was head over heels for Colby when there wasn’t a chance in heaven or hell he’d look in my direction for anything more than brainless banter?
“The fuck happened to you?” I shot a glare in Jake’s direction when I entered the kitchen. My eyes must have been puffy and red since it took work to keep them opened. I heard the padded soles of my house shoes against the tile; I couldn’t even take full steps without dragging my feet. He sat at the island—in my opinion, with no better appearance than me—eating cereal and scrolling on his phone.
”Why are you here?” I snapped back. “You’ve been back for longer than you’ve lived here.”
”Jesus Christ,” he laughed. “I forgot how rough you were in the morning.”
”Talk to me about it again and I’ll dig your eyeballs out with that spoon—“
”It’s nine in the morning, why are we doing this already?” I glared at Sam as he walked in the room. I proceeded to make my own lazy cereal.
”He said I looked a certain way—“
”I didn’t say you looked like anything, I just asked what happened to you?”
”Nothing did,” I snapped back and whirled around to face him. “But something might happen to you if you don’t shut up.” Jake’s eyes widened as they glanced down at the spoon I pointed at him.
”I don’t think a spoon will do anything to him,” Sam said. I glared at him next.
”Want to find out?” He took a step back when I took a step towards him. I sized him up. “You’re not worth dirtying another spoon.”
I grabbed my bowl of cereal and walked out of the kitchen.
Last night we had a party.
Now, I’m not one to usually lose myself at a house party—that was such a lie—but apparently I took it too far last night, and throwing up before it’s one am and looking like road kill in the morning “ruins parties” or something. I assumed Colby was still asleep. Or at least in his room.
I walked up there and held my breath when my knees hurt while taking the stairs. I took a bite of cereal and didn’t even think twice before barging into his room. He was still in bed; laid on his stomach with an arm over the edge like he checked the time on his phone but then fell back asleep mid placing it back on the table.
He made a deep whining noise as to say “what the fuck are you doing here” but I didn’t mind it and closed the door behind me.
“Dipshits downstairs were threatening me already and I thought you’d be too asleep to do that so I’m tolerating your presence for breakfast.”
”It’s like—“ He squinted as he checked his phone. “It’s nine forty. Why aren’t you asleep?”
”You’re the only one still in bed.” He grumbled and lay back down albeit this time on his back. I walked over and sat on the edge of his bed facing him with my legs crossed. I took another bite. His head lifted and he looked at me then my bowl and then he plopped back down.
”Why are you here?”
”Jesus fuck if you all want me to leave so bad—”
”No, don't go,” he said as I went to get up. I sat back down.
I took another bite in hopes that if I swallowed cereal the butterflies in my throat would go down with it. His voice was so much deeper than usual and his hair poked in every direction. He ran a hand through it as he focused on whatever was on his phone.
“Weren’t we going on the podcast toda—“
”Oh shit, yeah,” he interrupted me as if his remembrance was too visceral to keep quiet. Then he sat up. The blanket fell to his lap and his hands covered his face. Then he looked at me and then my cereal again.
”You better not have taken the last of it.”
”Tell that to Jake and Sam.” He shook his head. “When did you even go to bed last night?”
”I think like four or something,” he replied with a yawn.
”Oh,” I said and took my last bite.
”You were asleep by probably two,” he scoffed. I wanted to kick him but it would have been too much work. He laughed and continued, “Fuck you were so sick I thought I was going to have to make people leave, but Tara brought you in the bathroom for like an hour and then you fell asleep.”
”God forbid a girl be a lightweight.”
”Last night was worse than usual, did you do anything different?” I sighed and recounted my steps yesterday. I went with the boys on a hike and we had a late breakfast then I filmed a video with a friend so by the time I made it back home, we had a small snack for dinner and the party started. I also had four too many shots.
”I didn’t eat enough and drank a lot more than I usually do.”
”You’re an idiot.”
”Me? You’re the idiot for forcing me to go on that stupid hike and then I’m hungry all night and the alcohol wasn’t hitting me—“
”You’re so dumb,” he laughed and shook his head as he stood up from bed. My throat clamped tightly together as my eyes fell down his body and up again before he would notice. “Maybe you should have eaten something then.”
”I had chips.”
”Chips aren’t enough when you drink that much.”
”Whatever,” I grumbled. I didn’t have the grit in me to bicker with him, not when he looked like a God despite slowly making his way into his bathroom with a light hangover. I couldn’t look away from his dark skin when he curved the corner out of sight.
I didn’t care if he might have caught my gaze in the reflection of the mirror.
“Is only Sam and Jake here?” He asked. I had to choke down the tension in my throat.
”Um, I’m not sure. I saw them then ran because they were being mean.”
”I mean they’re not wrong; we all look like shit after a party.”
”You’re an asshole.”
”Someone has to be.”
”Not all of you can be mean to me! Besides,” I swallowed tightly when he walked across the doorway towards the sink. He washed his hands before washing his face. “I’m about to be put through the ringer right now; Tara said she was coming back before the podcast so we can take photos or something.”
He walked back in the room and it took work to look at him in the eyes.
”Sam and I might go—“
”On a damn hike again, I thought so.” He laughed and slung his jeans at me before he pulled them on.
”You should order real breakfast for everyone,” he said when he pulled on a shirt and grabbed a hat, his phone, and shocks and shoes.
”Alright, give me your phone.” He rolled his eyes and tossed it to me.
I followed him downstairs while scrolling through breakfast options.
“Hey Sam,” Colby said as I followed him into the kitchen.
”Oh hey.”
”Wow he’s up already.”
”Do you have shit to talk to everyone when they first wake up?” I snapped at Jake. He burst out laughing.
“Want to go still?” Colby asked Sam and completely ignored my banter with Jake.
”Yeah let’s go,” Sam said and rinsed his cup out at the sink.
”No no, that wasn’t talking shit. I only save that for you.” I flicked him off as he picked up his backpack. “I’m going. Got some stuff to do apparently,” Jake said.
”Yeah cool, we’re going out for a little bit anyway. Unless you’re up for a morning hike.”
”I’m not up for anything that starts with the word ‘morning.’” Jake said back, and I rolled my eyes as I purposely collided into my shoulder as he passed me. “See you guys.”
”See you,” Colby said and he turned to me. “You sure you wanna be here by yourself?”
”Rather than sweating my ass off in the am? Fuck yes. I’m taking a shower then parking my ass in bed until Tara gets here.”
”Fine,” Colby laughed. “Let’s go, Sam.”
And they were gone.
I took a shower and paid extra attention to my puffy face. If photos were in my near future, I needed the help. Then I sat in bed like I said and watched Netflix while scrolling on TikTok until the food arrived.
It was an hour later when it did, and I was pushing the food in the oven to keep warm when Tara arrived.
”Oh my god it smells so good,” were her first words to me.
”I ordered food for us. We’ll have breakfast when Sam and Colby come back.”
“Sweet. You’re in one piece this morning,” she giggled as she dropped her backpack and placed the smaller makeup bags on the island. I rolled my eyes.
”Yeah, a shower and a boy-less house works wonders I suppose.”
”I was surprised you didn’t crawl in bed with Colby last night. I mean, unless you did after I left.”
I choked on nothing.
”What do you mean?” I gasped; my face already heated up. What did I do last night?
”You had a lot to say about him when you were drunk and sobbing in the bathroom.”
”Tara,” I gasped quietly. “What did I say?” She laughed; a pink tone on her face. “Tara!”
”I didn’t know you wanted to kiss Colby so badly. You actually hide it really well. I mean… Mostly.” The walls around me crumbled and I turned away from her so she couldn’t see the blatant blush on my face. But it was too late, she burst out laughing. “It’s okay! It’s not that big of a—“
”No one was supposed to know that,” I mumbled.
”Okay, well I’m sorry your drunk self needed to tell someone that badly. At least it was me and not him. I had to convince him to not stay with us and that I could handle you.”
”Really?” I gasped. She nodded.
”How much do you remember?”
”Hardly anything.” She bit her lip in thought. “Tara,” I warned. “What else did I say?”
”You should talk to Colby.” My stomach fell out of my ass.
”No. No way. Why do you think I should—What else did I say about him?”
”You—well… All I’m saying is if you talk to him, I think it will all work out.” My eyes burned as tears nearly developed.
”Talk about him about what?” I gasped. “I don’t understand.”
”You know he likes you!” She finally yelled. “Like holy fuck! You two are down each other’s throats without actually being—Okay, listen to me very clearly. Colby is so head over heels for you. Just talk to him, okay?”
”What did I tell you?” My voice shook.
”You said you wanted to just kiss him and fuck him and then maybe he would love you the way you love him.”
I shut down.
My breathing slowed and the tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t speak.
”You’re not stupid.” Her voice dropped as it filled with a comforting seriousness. “And you’re definitely not worthless. I know he’s an idiot—fuck, all the boys in this house are idiots—so that doesn’t mean his obliviousness means he doesn’t want you or doesn’t think you’re worth going for.”
”Tara,” I choked. “You’re dumb.” She laughed.
”I know, so are you. But you’re not an idiot.” I laughed harder and she hugged me before we took the bags and I led her down the hallway to my bedroom.
“God, I can’t believe I said that.” She laughed.
”I mean, it’s not surprising. Also I take it back.” She sat on the bed as I opened up the bags. “You are an idiot becasue how the fuck do you not see how dumb he is about you?” I glared at her.
”He’s not—No. He doesn’t like me like that. If he did, he’s had plenty of times to tell me.”
“Which is why he’s an idiot.” I rolled my eyes.
”Let’s talk about something else.”
”Sure.”
Later, after photoshoots and after the boys came back and showered, we ate a one pm breakfast. There was no freeing myself from what Tara told me, and the thoughts reverberated behind my eyes sevenfold when Colby was around. It must have been obvious because I caught Tara’s stares or glares after I looked at Colby.
It was time to leave for the podcast.
Tara left and said that she was getting ready with friends to go out that night to which the three of us contemplated. If the podcast went well and we didn’t have any other responsibilities, Sam said we would go.
“What about you then?” The interviewer turned to me. “What was your upbringing like? Because Sam and Colby’s were pretty different but they stayed together and formed this whole life around spirituality even if they grew up on and are kind of on different sides of now.”
”Yeah I grew up in a spiritual household like Colby,” I explained. “But it wasn’t really—It wasn’t that intense. I knew about spiritual things and spirits but it wasn’t really on my radar until I got older. I kind of developed an interest in it all after some experiences with friends in college. After feeling what spirits can do or-or make you feel like, I guess? It opened up an entire world I didn’t really care about and suddenly I needed to involve myself and understand it more. Because it’s fun.” I looked at the boys and Sam’s eyes went back to the interviewer’s as Colby’s lingered on mine. “And if like—clearly it’s affected my friends as much as it has—then how can I not be completely interested in it, you know?” I looked back at the interviewer.
”Has it changed the way you view religion then?”
We talked about religion and spirituality for a while, and I didn’t mean to talk as long as I did about it. My hands shook and grew cold, and I got sick of the sound of my own voice.
”But no!” The interviewer said after I backed out. “It’s all so interesting and your beliefs and experiences mean a lot!” He went on to talk about his beliefs as well before handing the conversation back to the boys.
“It’s all so subjective and personal, you know?” Colby started. “We may have different beliefs spiritually or within religion, but we all are on different journeys and I believe that what matters most is the life I lead when I’m here on earth. Like was I actually caring or had compassion for people or did I dwell on upholding close minded beliefs that turn me into a hypocrite? Like-Like if after we die, nothing is the way we thought it would be, at least I know that I did my best to care for other people and not control them.”
”I agree,” I said. “Which is why I’m so open to everything. Anything can be true, so in a way, what does it matter? Why does it matter so much believing in any one tangible religious doctrine if we aren’t even sure of it? I mean, the one thing we all are 100 percent sure about is that we’re all people. We’re all flesh and blood here regardless of anything else so I’m doing my best to take care of people and have compassion for them. Messing with ghosts is fun and even if we know they’re real or not—that’s not really my issue here—we-we don’t know what they are. Like yes, supernatural things have happened to us which can make us firm believers that there are spirits and there are things on the other side, but what I’m hung up on is how do we know for sure what we’re talking to? What if none of the spirits are people at all?” I felt Colby’s eyes on me and I had to look away from him and towards meaningless things in the room or else my tongue would tie.
”My logic is that we as physical people can’t see or go to the spiritual realm and talk with people—spirits—who passed. So then how can we as spirits—after death—talk to physical people now? It’s all a mystery and something we will never know so what’s the harm in trying to learn more and more?”
”That makes a lot of sense,” the interviewer said. He talked more, but I gambled and looked at Colby. Warmth was in his eyes when they met mine, and I was glad that Sam took the next talking bit because I didn’t know what was going on anymore.
It took effort for both of us to look away and tune back into the conversation.
“I am fatigued,” I sighed dramatically as we kicked back in the car. Sam started music and put the car in drive.
”That was really good, though,” Colby said from the front passenger seat. I sat behind Sam and looked at Colby when he stole a glance at me.
”It was,” Sam agreed. “But now my brain is fried.”
”I mean what’s stopping us from going out then?” I asked playfully and Colby laughed.
”That’s true, Sam. We can chill now that that’s over.”
”Jesus, two nights in a row?” Sam gasped.
“I can always make it three—“
”Fine,” he cut me off. “Text Tara and we’ll meet up with them at some point.”
After we got home, we went to our separate rooms to get ready. My brain was fried as well; Colby was right. I wanted to relax and have a good night with my best friends without ruining it like I did last night.
As I finished putting on makeup, Colby came into my bathroom.
”Oh hi,” I said.
“Hello.” He stood next to me. I needed to hold my breath and focus on myself in the mirror to keep from ogling over him. He looked so good. There weren’t words I could come up with to describe how good he looked to me. His skin was so dark; the late spring sun already had a vengeance for Los Angeles. And the black and white shirt he wore was one that always grabbed my attention in the worst way.
”Okay, you guys ready to go?” He nodded. I didn’t say anything about the way I caught his gaze falling down my body in the mirror like mine did to him that morning.
”Sam’s on the phone then we’ll go.”
”Sweet.”
“You look really good,” he said and my stomach tensed.
”You do too,” I replied with a confidence I didn’t think I had.
At the club, we found our friends and claimed our table for the night.
“Okay, I’m getting like fourteen green tea shots,” Tara said.
”Holy shit, you trying to put us in the ground already?” One of her friends gasped. There were seven of us.
“It’s only two a person,” she clapped back.
”And it’s only like ten pm.”
A while later, the shots were brought to our table. We drank one and I already felt the relaxation flood my skin like a warm blanket. I turned to Colby who stood at my side.
His eyes were already on me.
“What?” I laughed.
”Nothing,” he said with a smirk and shook his head. He looked back at the table. He shoved his side into me and I shoved him back. We didn’t look at each other though as the conversations rolled on louder and louder.
By our fifth shot, I felt it. I really felt it.
Tara ordered us two mixed drinks already, and multiple drinks were between Sam and Colby as well. My heart raced with every brush of Colby’s arm on mine. He talked with his hands more the drunker he got, and every time he moved, his arm brushed against mine.
Finally, he turned to me. Our attention was on each other and no one’s intervened.
”Keep touching me Colby and I’ll push you away.” He scoffed a laugh at my sudden words.
”Yeah pretend you don’t like it all you want.”
”What does that mean?” I coughed.
”I saw you looking at me. Fuck,” he laughed. A hand strung through his hair. “You always do. And I always notice. Especially when I’m not wearing any clothes.”
”Of course you know when I’m looking at you because you’re always staring at me first,” I laughed and his eyes darkened. “Have something to say to me?”
”Mm,” he sighed and looked away like we weren’t talking about anything important. “Not now.”
”Of course you don’t,” I jeered. He glared back at me.
”What does that mean?”
”It can mean whatever you want.” I turned back and sipped on my drink until the sound of bubbling air flowed through my black straw.
“You’re really cute when you try to flirt with me,” he said quietly behind me.
The rest of my drink nearly shot up my nose.
”You’re ridiculous if you think I’m flirting with you.”
”Yeah? Then how many times have you looked at Sam like that?” I whirled around to face him with wide eyes.
”You’re saying a lot to someone that you call a best friend, aren’t you?” His eyebrows rose.
“And you look at me and touch me a lot more than you would a best friend.”
”Maybe I’m a touchy person.”
”You got that right,” he scoffed. “Can’t say anything to you without you throwing a fit.”
”Don’t be a dick.”
”I don’t have to try to be one if I have one.” I grimaced.
”And you won’t have one if you don’t learn how to shut your dumb mouth—“
”What the fuck is happening?” Sam laughed as he stepped to us. We were a couple feet from the table.
“I’m not sure,” he said too sweetly to me. “Ask her.”
”We’re not doing anything,” I laughed and shoved him away before I spun back to the table.
”Let’s go,” Sam said. Colby drank down the rest of his drink and left it on the table.
”Where are you going?” Tara asked as Sam pulled Colby further into the club.
”Perusing,” Sam replied and the boys were gone.
”That sounds disgusting,” Tara scoffed. I looked in the direction they went. “If you wanna go you can, we aren’t holding you here. But watching your best friends suck face doesn’t sound very pleasing to me.”
”Y-Yeah, I’ll stay here,” I said distantly. Tara grabbed my attention and looked at me in the eyes.
”You can go with them.” Her all knowing tone sickened me. I smiled as to not let on the rest of the girls and Jake and Johnnie onto anything if they noticed what we spoke about.
“No no, let’s get more shots.”
I was wasted.
Utterly wasted.
The club was loud, the voices louder, and my friends’ hands on me as we enthusiastically spoke and danced and partied ebbed my frustration with Sam and Colby.
It had been an hour.
At most, maybe. I’m not sure. I lost my sense of time.
There was still no sign of them.
I couldn’t make out the words shared between Tara and her best friend. We sat on sofas now completely dumb and unable to stand without falling over. Jake and Johnnie lingered and talked to other people I recognized, but I couldn’t find Sam and Colby.
Until I saw a flash of familiarity.
There he was, Colby. He stood somewhere between the bar and the dance floor in perfect view. My eyes narrowed on him and he smiled and talked to a girl.
My stomach dropped. My blood boiled. I swallowed down nothing and my tongue got stuck to my throat due to dehydration.
She wore a tight little dress and her wavy hair draped down to her ass which was nearly out. I held my breath when her arms stringed around his neck.
Why was he talking to her? Like that nonetheless?
I watched as she got closer to him and then his hands were on her. I should have looked away if I was a good best friend and respected his privacy, but in my head, I wasn’t just a best friend to him.
Colby was mine.
So to see his eyes on her then his lips on her; it unraveled me. Acid burned my throat as I watched them talk. Her eyes met his lips and her body pushed to his—
When he kissed her, I jumped to my feet.
”What—Oh no.” I heard Tara ask me where I was going, but she must have seen Colby. He was that close to us. So much for fading into the darkness.
If I had gotten to the restrooms a millisecond later I would have missed the toilet.
”Hey,” Tara called as she said my name. She followed me into the stall. “Shit. Are-Are you really drunk?”
”What the fuck do you think?” I spat back with a roughened voice. Fire was in my eyes when I looked at her. “He-He fucking—oh my god—I’m going to kill him.”
”Yeah, hey I know. Let’s just-Let’s just chill for a second—“
”How can I chill, Tara?” I practically screamed. “Colby was fucking kissing someone!”
”What’s wrong with that?” She pried. I looked at her like she was delusional. Did she not remember the conversation she started with me this morning?
”What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong is that it’s not me!”
And she smiled.
”There, finally you admit it.”
”Tara,” I cried. Tears welled in my eyes. “He’s so-He’s so stupid.”
”I know. Do you want to go ruin his night or something?” I contemplated it. Tears rushed down my face and I didn’t care if it ruined my makeup.
”No,” I sobbed. She looked at me with utter concern. “Because I just wanted him to be happy.”
She hugged me as I cried.
I swore something died in me the moment I saw him kissing her.
I knew Colby hooked up with girls sometimes and I knew it wasn’t serious. But I was serious about him even though he never would be serious with me. It was all too confusing. He flirted with me and called me out for flirting. He allowed me in his bed, but he never touched me, and he changed clothes in front of me frequently. We were as close as physically possible in every way except sexually.
Maybe he never liked me.
Maybe he never wanted me like I was delusional enough to believe.
I left that club with Tara before anyone else.
I wasn’t drunk anymore, but when I got home, I vomited until I cried again and again.
It was only a couple hours later at most when I heard commotion. The boys got home. I didn’t hear anyone else with them though. Then, the fighting.
”You’re just so fucking stupid.” Sam’s voice. “Make sure she did actually make it hom—oh wait yeah her shoes are right here.”
”What are you talking about?” Colby spat back at him. “I didn’t do any—“
”You know what the fuck you did.”
”Sam, don’t fucking start with me.”
”I brought you with me because I wanted you around me. And maybe help me get someone. I did not intend for you to make out with her.”
”I didn’t mean it like that.”
”Didn’t mean what? You kissed her literally right in front of them; in front of her!”
”I know…”
I couldn’t listen anymore.
My bathroom was closer to the front of the house so I raced to my bed and lay in it. I cried until the sun rose, and sometime between dawn and mid morning, I fell asleep.
The next time I could tolerate the sun, it was late in the sky. I turned over and moaned at the tension in my back. I slept weird and still in my clothes from the night out.
I crawled out of the pit that was my bed and checked the time. Three pm. I got up and immediately walked to the shower.
The water was so hot it inflamed my skin. I was puffy with redness, but I needed the sting. I needed the warmth because there was nothing inside of me. Colby was still Colby. Just less mine, right? I must have taken it too far. I let my emotions go and they were too connected to him. I had to move on. I couldn’t do this to myself anymore.
Thoughts circled my head and I felt the burning in my eyes.
But at least he’s happy.
Tears fell again.
I liked him; I loved him so much that it didn’t matter. I decided, as I pulled on warm sweatpants and a hoodie, that I would let him go and not lead him on anymore because clearly he wasn’t following me. I had to protect myself and to do that, I would have to make sacrifices.
Rule number one: No longer am I allowed in Colby’s room.
I didn’t go into his room that day, or the next.
I walked in the kitchen. The boys were nowhere to be seen. I grabbed a serving of the breakfast they ordered earlier. As I ate, I scrolled on my phone at the island. The quietness of the house was therapeutic but, in a way, nerve racking. What were they doing? What was Colby doing?
Rule number two: Stop thinking about Colby every two seconds.
I failed immediately, but I reminded myself that thoughts are habitual and I’ve broken habits before, I can do it again.
But my heart ached.
It ached so deeply that there was no other reason for this ache unless something intrinsic was severed within me. What was wrong with me? Colby had been my best friend for years now, and if he didn’t want me as more than that, then how amazing was it that I was still this close? I couldn’t ruin it.
The backdoor slid open.
My heart raced as Colby walked in; I could recognize him from his footsteps.
”Oh hi,” he said sweetly. I smiled back.
Rule number three: Don’t let him think you’ve been heartbroken
”Hey,” I said. I didn’t like the way he flinched at the rough sound of my voice. He knew I was sick. He turned with concern in his eyes. I cut him off. “What are you guys doing today?” His head cocked to the side with confusion.
”Uh—I think we’re just editing and we have some meetings to go to.”
”That’s cool,” I said unassumingly. I got off my chair and threw away my trash.
”What do you want to do? I was just editing outside for a little bit.” I grabbed my phone and walked to the other side of the kitchen.
”I had stuff to do, but I’ll see you guys later.”
I let go of the breath I held when I closed my bedroom door.
I couldn’t keep myself together in front of him so in order to keep my third rule, I decided that distancing myself for the time being would be best.
Message from Colby; What do you want for dinner?
It was dark outside when I emerged from my room.
The downstairs was louder now; business must have been done. I walked into the kitchen in search of food. They must not have gotten something yet.
Colby said my name when he saw me. We met again for the second time that day in the same place.
”Did you guys get food?”
”No, I was wondering what you wanted.”
”I don’t really care,” I said. It was easier to say than a bunch of other words. My voice already burned from just looking at him. His eyes were filled with question and he didn’t say anything. “Uh, let me know when it’s—“
”Stop,” he said. I turned back to him. “Don’t leave.”
”I was just going to my room.”
”Are you okay?” I looked at him like he was silly.
”Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
”You-You’ve been in your room all day? You never do that. Did you get sick last night?”
“That doesn’t matter,” I deadpanned with finality. His brows rose and his lips closed. “Let me know what you guys get.”
And I went to my room.
A message from Colby, once again, was the last message I read before I fell asleep; Hope you feel better <3
Three days later I said more words to Colby than he said to me.
I couldn’t tell if it was because it was easier for me to talk to him now that the initial sadness had passed, but it confused me. He didn’t try to talk to me during meals and he stopped texting me entirely.
I messaged Colby; Hey, are you and Sam going on the hike this morning?
He didn’t respond. Two hours later I was met with two sweaty boys downstairs. That was odd. He never didn’t respond to me, especially about their damn morning hikes.
My days were long and lonely.
I didn’t understand his silence towards me. Maybe he was afraid that I was mad at him because I avoided him for a while. My thoughts were interrupted when Sam burst into my room.
”Sam—“
”Alright,” he sighed harshly. “I’m not leaving until we figure out what the fuck is going on.”
”Sam,” I gasped when he sat on my bed across from me. “What-What’s going on?”
”Cut the shit. You’ve been cooped up in your room for almost a week now and Colby’s turned into a moody bitch, so tell me why you guys are arguing.”
”We-We aren’t—“ He glared at me. He knew. “I hate Colby.” His gaze softened and something attuned to shock plastered his face. “He’s so-He’s so fucking—ugh! I hate him so much. This is his fault.”
”What’s his fault?” He asked quietly. Tears already welled in my eyes.
”He-He—oh my god—you can’t tell me he’s that fucking stupid to not know that he’s led me on for so long, right? Like genuinely. He flirts with me like that and then-and then makes out with other girls in front of me then pretends like everything is fine? And now he’s ignoring me like he has some right to? Fuck no. He’s the idiot who started this.” Sam gawked at me and it took a second for him to collect his thoughts.
”You like him?”
”Sam,” I gritted my teeth. “I love him so much that I’m not telling him shit about any of this mess. He clearly doesn’t want me so I’m not ruining our friendship too. I’m trying to make my feelings for him go away but now, it’s turned into this—“
”Oh my god,” he whispered slowly as disbelief now replaced his emotion. “Oh my god! I’m going to fucking kill him.”
”What? Why?’ I fired back.
”This was on purpose.”
The room shattered around me.
”What?”
”I’m—You—Someone, hold on.”
“What?” I gasped. I launched myself out of my bed as he rushed through my door. “Sam no! What are you doing?”
”Talking to him about this. I���m not losing my best friends due to ridiculous miscommunication.”
”Sam please!” Tears flowed freely down my face now. “Please don’t tell him—“
”Don’t tell him what?” We froze as we looked down the corridor into the living room.
Colby stood in the middle as if we was in the process of walking inside from the back yard.
”Oh no, I’m not. You’re going to. And I’m leaving.”
”What? Sam no, please. This isn’t fair.” Sam yanked his arm from my grasp. He went up to his room and closed the door.
The silent stillness of the house in between Colby and I gutted me.
“Hey,” he said sweetly and I spun away from him as he took paces towards me. “Hey.” His paces quickened when I wiped my tears. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
”You fucking tell me!” I yelled at him. I pushed him away from me. “You fucking tell me, asshole.”
”What? What is wrong with you—“
”What’s wrong with you, Colby?” I yelled. This time I didn’t try to wipe away the new rivers of tears. “Why would you do this?”
”I’m not doing anything—”
”First you lead me on, then you kiss her, then you pretend like everything’s fine, then you ignore me—Why the fuck are you ignoring me?”
”What?” He gasped as his eyes widened. “What are you talking about? I—Who are you talking about? I didn’t kiss anyone. And I responded to you!”
”Look at your fucking phone!” I finally screamed; my voice throbbed with pain. “And don’t fucking gaslight me, don’t fucking lie to me, and don’t fucking play dumb; what do you mean ‘I didn’t kiss anyone;’ you kissed right in-fucking-front of me!”
”Oh my god,” he whispered. He was frozen, idle in fear.
”You’re so fucking stupid, Colby! Why would you do this to me? I’m so upset and it’s-it’s like destroying me. Why can’t you just talk to me—“ I stopped moving and looked up at him silently when tears welled in his eyes too.
”I’m sorry,” he whispered.
”What?” I gasped. He blinked quickly and tears streamed down his face.
”I didn’t realize—oh my god—you’re telling me all this time…”
”All this time what? Please! Make sense—“
”You’re telling me all this time you’ve been ignoring you because I did actually hurt you?”
I stood in shock.
In fiery visceral shock.
Neither of our tears stopped.
”Obviously!” I gasped. “I have wanted you for so goddamn long and you like purposely led me on to kiss someone in front of me? You’re so fucking—Ugh! I hate you!” His lips parted in shock. He said my name. I didn’t care. I didn’t mind the butterflies that overwhelmed my stomach.
”I-I thought you wanted-I thought you wanted me but you wouldn’t tell me you do and it-it would make you jealous and-and you would—”
“You kissed her to make me jealous? And then ignored me?” My voice scratched through my screams.
“I-I didn’t know what to do. You weren’t telling me and I-I thought you would come to me—“
”If you kissed someone else first?” I yelled. I swore my heart pumped so fast it would run away. “Am I a game to you? Just something to play with?’
”No!” He finally shouted. “I’ve wanted you so bad but you never told me you wanted me so I thought I made it all up—“
”You’re such a fucking idiot! I swear to god I’m going to kill you.”
”I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize—“
”You’re the worst, Colby. Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
”Why didn’t you talk to me?” His voice finally rose above a whisper. I scoffed.
”Maybe because you clearly had your eyes set on someone else! Maybe I came to terms with the fact that I couldn’t have you romantically but at least I still got our friendship.”
”No,” he choked. “No you should have fucking told me!”
”You should have told me!” I screamed back. “Colby, I-I can’t do this if-if you’re—oh my god.” I covered my face with my hands as sobbed wracked through me.
“No,” he demanded and his hands latched onto my wrists. “Don’t do that. Don’t close me out again.”
”Why? It’s not like you’ll want me now!”
”I want you now. I wanted you a year ago and I’ll want you a year from now.”
”Colby,” I gasped as he yanked my hands from my face.
“You’re not a game to me, and—holy shit—I’m so fucking stupid. I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have done this, I-I didn’t know what to do because I thought—no, I knew—you wanted me but then you pretended like you didn’t so I thought that if I kissed someone else it would either make you jealous and come steal me from her or if you didn’t want me anymore it would help me get over you.”
I shook my head.
”You’re so stupid.”
”I’ve been told,” he rolled his eyes.
”I wanted you so bad; you hurt me. I literally couldn’t breathe. Watching you kiss her made me sick; I almost couldn’t leave the club because I was so sick.” More tears fell down his face.
”Fuck, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have—this is such a mess.”
”And then I told myself, ‘God, of course he doesn’t want me. I’m just his best friend and he always goes for prettier girls who aren’t friends with him first.’” His hands still held my wrists. I looked at them. He gently let go of them when he noticed I looked at them.
But then his hands slowly moved to my face and held me.
”Colby—“
He kissed me hesitantly as if he assumed I would push him off. All he wanted was a taste even if that was all he would ever get. I could tell from his uncertainty; the light weight of his touch.
But I grabbed his clothes and pulled him closer.
He gasped into my mouth when I took him deeper. His fingers left imprints on my face now, and my nails dug into his skin. Fire ate up my entire being, and I held onto him so I wouldn’t fall over.
He tasted better than I imagined, and I imagined many times.
He was all I thought about in the dead of night. He was all I wanted when I was lonely. This time it was me who gasped and moaned into his mouth, he grabbed me and shoved me backwards until my back hit the front door.
”No,” he gasped for breath. He still kissed me. I found myself speechless as his hands held me close and raced over my body. “It was always only you; only thought about you—“
”Okay, can I go before…”
“Jesus Fuck,” Colby gasped and turned around. We stepped from the door and saw Sam coming down the stairs.
”I’m so glad we aren’t fighting anymore but for the love of god, I’m leaving—“
”Leave,” Colby demanded and opened the door. I couldn’t look Sam in the eyes; Colby laughed once about something. Sam had a backpack, I wondered how long he thought he would be gone for.
Before the front door closed all the way, Colby grabbed my hand and hurried me up the stairs.
A head rush almost knocked me off my feet. My heart pounded, and when he closed us in his room, I cursed myself for breaking another rule. If they applied anymore.
”You drive me so crazy—Shit, I literally thought I was crazy,” he said as he kissed down my neck. My uneven breath couldn’t form a word as he pushed me down on his bed. I was familiar with his sheets, but never like this.
Never with him on top of me.
He kissed me again, but this time I parted my legs and allowed his hips to slot in. I gasped at the pressure, and he too let go of moans as he thrusted himself against me.
”You really didn’t know? You really didn’t?” His voice was scarily quiet. I shook my head with closed eyes.
Tears fell down my temples.
”I don't know,” was the only thing I could choke out.
”Oh my god, look at you,” he whispered as he grinded his hips down with mine. I knew he watched my face unravel with pleasure even as my eyes were closed, and he brushed my hair back away from my face. “Wanted you here for so long—fuck—I didn’t mean to mess it up, I’m so sorry—“
”I know,” I fired back. “Touch me already.” He let go an uneven breath as well and he rushed off of me.
”Up, hurry. Lie down normally.” I hurried to his pillows and lay down on them. He crawled over and watched me from his hands and knees. I looked up at him and just looked. His hand on my face nearly lulled me to sleep.
Safe; that’s how he made me feel. That’s how he always made me feel. I needed him so desperately for so long that when he put me in that precarious situation, I realized that that was what he had taken from me.
Now with closure, he brought it back.
He shook his head.
”You’re all I’ve imagined, I promise you that.”
”What do you mean?” I timidly asked. He kissed down my neck and my body melted into the sheets when his hands memorized my body.
“No one compares to you. I needed you as close as possible.” He took a break from speaking and kissed bites into my skin. I gasped and arched my back at the sudden sharpness so he linked his arm under me. My hands found his hair and finally, finally, his hand invaded my shirt.
“Colby,” I moaned and caved into his touch. He moaned against my skin and continued his work painting purple and red into it.
Finally he pulled my shirt off.
“But I was too scared to fuck it up; can't fucking lose you.”
“You won't,” I gasped. His kisses passed my chest and dipped onto my stomach. They don't miss an inch of skin, and I couldn't help from sporadically moving from how sensitive his lips made me.
“So perfect, so beautiful; just wanted you under me.” I held onto him; his hair, his arms, any part of him I could find. Finally when his mouth cascaded down my stomach and over my side towards my hip, his fingers interlock with mine. Still, he has a hand delicately held under me.
“Please.” I didn’t even realize the plea left my mouth; that was how gentle the sigh was. He looked up at me from where he kissed.
”Please what?” His voice was so soft I could have fainted.
”Touch me, Colby. Just take off the rest of my clothes.” He smiled into another kiss and still took his time with me.
”I will, don’t worry.” My stomach recoiled in anticipation. I wouldn’t let him let go of my fingers. I held onto him tightly.
I reeled against myself when he kissed lower and dipped his fingers into the hem of my pants. I moaned his name and and I shivered from the feeling of his breath and laughs.
”So impatient,” he whispered, and it sent chills across my skin.
”I’m not,” I whined. He kissed across my navel and to the other hip.
And then I felt it.
His free hand ever so slowly made its way down my body until he teased me through my pants. A hard breath pulled between his teeth.
”Fuck, I can feel how warm you are. How wet you are.”
”Colby,” I gasped. “I said I needed you.”
”I didn’t think you were lying, but oh my god.” Without another request, Colby pulled my sweatpants and underwear down in one. I couldn’t stop staring up at him as he rose to his knees. He tossed my clothes away and pushed my knees apart.
”Oh my god, I love you. You’re so perfect; every part of you. Wanted you so bad.” I couldn’t breathe as he spoke those words over me. His fingers trailed down my inner thigh and jumped to the other leg without even teasing me. I writhed against him, and the problem was, he didn’t even touch me yet.
”Colby,” I gasped when he kissed the side of my knee. His lips fell lower. “Colby, please,” I whined but he ignored me. His other hand pushed my other thigh back as he kissed down my leg. I knew he felt the way I jolted at every touch; the pleasure zapped through my body. I clenched around nothing every time his lips neared a centimeter close.
“Love you, let me taste all of you.” I wanted to cry.
I was so mad at him.
I hated him.
I loved him so much that if I died when he tasted me it would have been enough.
My nails scratched against him as I tangled them in his hair and he moaned against me, from pain or pleasure I didn’t know. As his mouth dipped closer and closer to where I needed him most, his other hand traveled down my other leg. I couldn’t stop moving, moaning, and his hands held me down so I couldn’t push myself into him.
”Please, please I need you—“
“I know,” he sighed. Then his eyes met mine. “Won’t you let me kiss and touch every part of you first? You’re so so impatient.”
“You-You have! Please, just touch me.”
“I am touching you.”
The tears fell again. My head tossed back to the pillow.
”I’ve wanted you for so damn long and-and then all this happens and this is how you repay—oh fuck!” I looked back down at him as he licked me once, twice, and then slotted his lips around me. “Colby, oh my god, yes, oh fuck thank you!”
Maybe the kissing was also to calm him down and hold himself back.
Because next thing I knew, his hands pushed my legs back roughly and he moaned into me deeply. I couldn’t open my eyes; moans yanked from me as he worked me relentlessly with his tongue. He moved with me when my hips rolled uncontrollably, and he never allowed me to pull him harder on me nor further away. He was right where he wanted to be.
”Fuck,” he moaned when he pulled away. Licked me once. “Taste so fucking good.” I couldn’t breathe when he dragged his fingers down and saturated them with my fluids.
“Oh my god yes, please—“
He slowly pushed two inside as he leaned his head against my thigh and watched me with stars in his eyes.
“Oh fuck,” I moaned and couldn’t keep the strings of moans behind my lips. He still watched me in awe as his fingers worked me ever so slightly. I rolled my hips with his hand. His other hand held the side of my thigh and I covered it with my own. “You feel so good, want you to do this so bad.”
”Yeah? How did you pretend I touched you?” Pink heat fell down my body, but he pushed against the spot inside me harder. He didn’t move faster though.
”I—oh fuck—I imagined you-you fingering me like this and-and…“
”And what?” His voice was disgustingly sweet with a teasing tone on the edge. I didn’t know if I wanted to smack the dazed look off of him or melt in his heart eyes.
”And-And you would use your tongue.”
”How do you want me to do that?” He teased in such an irritating way. I closed my eyes tightly partially in embarrassment but also arousal. Anything he said with this tone could get me on my knees.
”You already know,” I grumbled.
“Do I?”
”Colby, please,” I exasperated. “Taste me again. Make me feel good.” That must have set him off because he sucked in a breath before doing just that.
My hands now curled around the bedding under us. His arms held me down even as his tongue and fingers worked me. My eyes closed as I drowned in his touch. He quickened his pace and listened to my body when I writhed from stimulation.
”Fuck, you—oh my god so fucking perfect,” he said with a smile as his fingers moved in and out quickly.
”Colby please, need you.”
”You have me.”
”Want you inside of me.” He gave in.
He lifted himself up and pulled his clothes off. I would have tried to take them off myself; I always dreamed about undressing his perfect body, but I couldn’t move. I stared at him frozen with a warmth I didn’t know.
Then he leaned over me and his hand brushed my hair away. He held my face. His eyes watched over my face and I couldn’t blink as I soaked in his appearance too.
”So perfect,” he whispered. I gasped when he thrusted against me. I pushed my body up into his when he teased me and drenched himself in my arousal. “Love how responsive you are.”
I kissed him and he melted into me.
I drank down his moans as he thrusted into me in time, and his hands raced up my arms and held my hands on either side of my head against the pillow. I gasped for air when he pulled away. My eyes closed as his body overwhelmed mine.
He didn't say anything, only planted kisses against my face and neck when he easily slid into me.
“Colby—“ I gasped, and he moaned when his arm slid under me. He watched me as he moved faster.
”Yeah?” He teased lightly. With a smile, his eyes closed and my heart skipped at the sound of his moans. “Feel so good around me, holy shit.”
”God, I love you,” I whined. He groaned loudly and kissed my skin with a bite. More moans forced from me as his hips met mine with a higher intensity. Tears fell down my face again, and this time I didn’t try to wipe them away.
All the pain and frustration and confusion welled inside of me like an overflowing spring, and of course it took his kiss, his touch, his body to break the seal. He finally let go of my hands and I touched his skin like he memorized mine. He lost himself inside me when I touched him and scratched him. I kissed him and also left love bites because I felt the same.
He was mine just as much as I was his.
“You-You, fuck, you’re so much,” he moaned.
”How?” I kept my voice tense in my throat or else I would let it go into loud humiliating moans that would probably be unintelligible.
”Too much; I-I didn’t think I could ever deserve someone like you.”
”I don’t-I don’t deserve you. How does anyone deserve someone at all—oh fuck, Colby!” My words were slurred into moans as he fucked his hips into mine with intention.
Then he grabbed one of my hands and shoved it down in between us.
”Touch yourself, baby. Want you to cum with me.”
”Oh fuck,” I whined; I couldn’t contain the ways those simple words made me feel. His tone, the feeling, the touches; it was too much for me and I was crumbling and crumbling fast. “God I hate you,” I moaned through gritted teeth. He shook his head quickly with furrowed eyebrows.
”I know, I know; I’m so sorry.” And his actions felt like it. I could feel how sorry he was when I lay under his gaze and when my body reeled under his touch.
”Close—“ was the only word I could pronounce and he nodded with a small smile.
“Good because I-I am too.”
”Inside,” I gasped.
”Want me to cum inside you?” I nodded quickly. He held me so tight I knew I would see bruises later. I looked forward to it. “Yeah that’s it, baby. Make yourself feel good. Oh my god, I’m so-so fucking close.”
”Please,” I gasped. “Harder, I’m going to.” He didn’t say another word as he lifted himself up and grabbed my waist and fucked me like he wanted. I held onto him and I saw how quickly it washed over him; his face twisted with pleasure and I couldn’t blink as I watched his orgasm overwhelm him.
The feeling alone, of him finishing inside of me, was enough, and I knew I would never get his moans and his pleasured face out of my thoughts for a long, long time. I had to take my own hand away from me because it was all too much. He fucked me through my orgasm even as overstimulation settled in his body.
The moment I went to push him away, he stopped moving and groaned with relief. I pulled him down until all his weight was on me. He kissed me like he meant it. I didn’t think I could ever kiss him without meaning it.
”Please let me in,” he sighed as he caught his breath. “Want to be with you and you only.” I nodded quickly.
“We can only have each other.” He nodded enthusiastically as he rose to his elbows. I held his face in my hands. “God I fucking love you so much and if you’re an idiot I’ll kill you.”
”I’d deserve it.” I only smiled before I kissed him again.
A few more minutes of silence passed, and that was when I realized the sunset orange streaked through the blinds of his room. The golden rays illuminated through his dark hair as I brushed through it.
”Wait, how—Was Sam going to be gone the whole night?” Colby laughed.
”I’m not sure, but I’ll tell him to only come back once I text him.”
”What, why?” He looked up at me with an unimpressed boyish smirk.
”Do we not have a lot of time to make up for?” Heat spread across my face again and I shoved him back down to lay on me again.
”Shut up,” I laughed. “I guess so.”
”What? Do you want to get up and work or something?”
“No, I’d rather take a shower. It’s fucking hot in this room and your cum is all over me.” He laughed and rose up to his knees. His eyes flickered over my disgusting body.
”Pretty sure it’s yours as well.”
”Whatever, it’s so gross.”
”Let’s take a shower then.”
”Oh, so you can get me dirty in the shower and then after all over again?” He rolled his eyes. Goosebumps raised in my skin in the wake of his touches.
”We’ll take as many as we need, I just want you.”
I rolled my eyes as if it was the corniest thing I ever heard, but I swooned like a girl because that was all I fantasized coming from his mouth.
✧˖*°࿐
Taglist (Comment to be added):
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#sam and colby#colby brock#sam golbach#18+ only#minors dni#colby brock smut#colby brock x reader#rosie writings#rosie hub
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humbly requesting ghost x reader where he thinks he’s too old and damaged for reader. i headcannon ghost to be anywhere between 35-38 and the reader would be early twenties. he’s all emo and “oh they’re too innocent, i’d hurt and ruin them” and reader is just like “i would die for this man.”
Too Old For You // Part One
Summary: You've been crushing on him for a while now, even going as far as taking a stab for him. But it isn't enough for him to notice you; you're too young, too nice for someone like him.
Warning(s): medic!reader, fem!reader, age gap [reader is early twenties, ghost is mid/late thirties], mild injury/blood, hurt/no comfort
Word Count: 817
A/N: I enjoy hurting my own feelings :)
꒦꒷ MAIN MASTERLIST ꒷꒦ GHOST MASTERLIST
// have a request? ˗ˏˋ ASK BOX | AO3 VER | PART TWO .ˎˊ˗
“You’re an idiot, you know that?”
You did know that, by this point, at least. He had only told you about a hundred times.
“I can do this myself. It’s my job,” you let out a hiss as the Lieutenant purposefully wrapped the gauze tighter than necessary. You weren’t even supposed to be involved — you were supposed to keep hidden until the situation was handled.
He ripped off the end of it, fastening the small clip to keep the wrap in place. “Keep quiet,” he wanted to be irate. But you meant well, and that’s what bothered Simon the most. He, of all people, didn’t deserve to be the one you sacrificed yourself for. You were lucky it was a knife through the hand and not through the heart—where the intruder had been aiming the blade intended for him.
The gash in your palm would be a life-long reminder, doomed to leave a nasty scar.
Nothing says I’m in love with you like taking a stab in the hand for him, but it was abundantly clear he was too headstrong to let you be with him. Or was intentionally dismissing your signals entirely, you weren’t sure which one was more disheartening.
Ghost sets your injured hand back down, letting you admire his sloppy patchwork. It got the job done, it didn’t need to be an aesthetically-pleasing bandage. He used an alcohol wipe to cleanse the bloodstains on your forearm, now an unnecessary service. Perhaps it was his way of apologizing for you being injured on his behalf because he surely wasn’t expressing it through words.
You reached over with your unharmed hand and placed it over his, stopping his meticulous wiping, “I got this.”
The stubborn Lieutenant only flicked his gaze upwards from your hand on his, a brief scoff escaping his lips. Whatever the hell that meant. “Least I can do is get the damn blood off you, kid. Jumped in front of a bloody knife for me.”
Kid. It was like nails on a chalkboard to you.
He continued muttering and shaking his head in disapproval, running the alcohol wipe along your flesh until there was no trace of crimson.
It wasn’t a motive of stupidity, nor was it to prove yourself. You weren’t even a soldier, there would be no use trying to be tough in front of him. Your true motive was admiration for him, and even now, with a stab wound, he’s too mule-headed to let you in. Any longer, and you might just lose your mind entirely.
“Thought you would be relieved, I guess.” You shrugged, speaking with a small bit of defeat. “Knife was supposed to go right there.” A finger pointed at his heart but didn’t dare make contact. You knew better than that,.. Sort of.
Before you could finish outstretching your hand, his unoccupied one clamped over it, breaths a little heavier. Followed by a look that could only be described as intense contemplation; should I break this hand or continue to gently hold it?
“You don’t have the slightest clue what you’re doing, do you?” Simon questions, thumb instinctually caressing your knuckle to balance out the iron grip he maintained. “You’re confused.”
You were too young, too nice in his eyes. It was your job to be a healer, a good one, too. And his job? A trained killer. To him, it was too ironic, too striking of a contrast. An arrangement like that would never work—Simon was too mature, too damaged, downright unworthy of your kindness. At least that’s what he had himself convinced of, even after the knife incident.
You replied hastily, a slight tinge of frustration showing. “I’m not confused, Ghost. I know what I want—I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.” You would’ve done it again if it meant another chance at restarting this conversation. A conversation that now was nose-diving into a point of no return.
“You shouldn’t have done it at all,” he sighed, amber eyes flooded with internal conflict. His grip released with one swift movement, and now his palm rested on either side of you, but it wasn’t intimidation he was after. “I’m not the bloke you want to jump in front of a bullet for, trust me.”
“Simon—” You blurted amidst his attempts at swaying you, cradling your bandaged hand. What more would it take?
“—Ghost.” He interjected, taking several steps back from his looming position. If he didn’t walk away now, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from poisoning you.
It wasn’t right. You deserve someone better than him. “It’s Ghost. We’re not doin’ this, Kid. I’m not doing it.” His words were like a punch to the gut, more painful than a stab to the hand, that’s for sure.
The door to the infirmary slammed shut, only seconds before his footsteps faded into silence, stranding you with the solitude of rejection.
#mw2#mw2 fanfic#call of duty#task force 141#task force 141 x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley#ghost mw2#simon riley headcanons#simon ghost riley#ghost mw2 x reader#ghost x you#ghost x reader#cod x reader#cod headcanons#cod x female reader#cod x gn!reader#cod x you#cod x y/n#141 task force#tf 141
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⋆꙳✧༄ Making out with them
❖ Characters: Reo, Kunigami, Nagi
❖ Reader: genderneutral
❖ Summary: what making out with them is like
❖ WARNINGS: Kissing, making out, mentions of sex (briefly hinted to it happening)
❖ A/n: don’t want to miss a post? Sign up for my Taglist in my Navi!
☰ Reo:
ꕤ Reo is very timid in the beginning since he got raised in a very rich household and doesn't want to risk any scandals happening
ꕤ If you're with him for a while and he trusts you not to use him, he will be so much more open and relaxed
ꕤ He gets so eager now to hold you, kiss you, have you
ꕤ Absolutely loves it when you sit on his lap, holding you close and looking up at you as if you're an angel with the light illuminating you so beautiful
ꕤ His lips are so very soft against yours, his kisses quite sweet but the longer you kiss, the more he loses himself
ꕤ Reos soft hands grab at your clothes, your curves and just everything he can reach, wanting to be even closer if that's possible
ꕤ His tongue dances eagerly with yours, dominating your mouth and claiming you as his in a heated kiss
ꕤ only pulling away to look at each other with glossy eyes, your shared saliva making your lips shine softly in the light
ꕤ he can't stay parted for long before his lips find yours again - worshiping your soft lips with his
ꕤ worshiping… that's something he does with your entire body soon after, tangled in the sheets and clothes long gone
☰ Kunigami:
ꕤ Kunigami is very shy at first, not because he's scared but he's rather nervous, wanting to make everything right
ꕤ He wants you to fall into him, mind wiped clean by his lips and unable to think of anything but him - being rather selfish for once
ꕤ He hates this possessive side of his but you're his and he wants to claim you as such over and over again
ꕤ When making out things get heated pretty quickly with him laying on top of you, legs tangled to the point where neither of you knows where one starts and the other ends
ꕤ It's as if you become one as soon as your lips lock, slightly chapped lips gently kissing yours as his strong hands hold you close
ꕤ his hands either find their way to your hair or he wraps his arms around you, resting half of his weight on you but he needs you to know that you're his
ꕤ His tongue invades your mouth the moment your lips part for him, making an effort at gently massaging yours with his own
ꕤ With this proximity you two share, it's no surprise that most times it ends with more than just kissing
☰ Nagi:
ꕤ Nagi that sweet boy, oh my. The first move definitely needs to be made by you
ꕤ Kiss him when he's giving more attention to his video game or reward him with a sweet kiss when he wins, I promise he will focus only on you the second your lips are on his
ꕤ he might whines a little if you do it mid game but the way he holds onto you and pulls you closer on his lap are proof enough that he enjoys it
ꕤ He gets so lost in your kisses it's really sweet, slender fingers dipping under your shirt just to touch your skin in an effort to be closer - he doesn't even notice it when it happens
ꕤ pouts when you pull back for even a second, kissing is just too comfortable when it's with you cuddled up that close and he doesn't want it to stop
ꕤ Nagi will pepper kisses along your jaw and neck if you stop kissing him, trying to get you to kiss him again
ꕤ If he's too impatient he might just be so bold and claim your lips with his again, gently swiping your lips with his tongue but leaving you to chase his tongue back into his mouth
ꕤ Since he's quite touchy already, things get heated really fast, begging you with soft whispers to please ride him
Network: @tokyometronetwork
#blue lock x reader#blue lock smut#blue lock fluff#reo x reader#kunigami x reader#nagi x reader#reo smut#kunigami smut#nagi smut#reo mikage x reader#reo mikage smut#reo mikage#rensuke kunigami#nagi seishiro#bllk x reader#bllk smut#bllk x you
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No Time To Lose
Summary: Bucky is going to confront you for why you have been avoiding him but when he comes home he finds out you have been kidnapped
Warning: Mentions of kidnapping and torture
Part 1 Part 3
Bucky couldn't bear the growing distance between you any longer. He knew he had to talk to you and stop the tension that had been building. The constant absence of your touch, your laughter, and your presence had made him realize just how much he needed you.
One evening, as he mustered up the courage to have the conversation, he decided to surprise you at home. He wanted to show you that whatever he did wrong he deeply regrets it and stop whatever had caused this sudden change in your behavior.
However, when Bucky entered the apartment, he found it eerily quiet. The atmosphere felt heavy, and his heart clenched with a sense of foreboding. He called out your name, but there was no response.
Panic surged through his veins as he quickly searched every room, hoping to find you. It was then that he noticed something off—a broken vase on the floor, shattered glass scattered across the room.
Bucky's hands trembled as he desperately dialed your number, hoping against hope that you would answer. But each ring went unanswered, intensifying his anxiety. Fear gnawed at his heart as he realized something was terribly wrong. Where were you? Why weren't you picking up?
Unable to waste any more time, Bucky quickly dialed Sam's number, his voice filled with urgency. "Sam, it's Y/N. She's in trouble. I can't reach her, and I don't know where she is. I need your help."
Sam's voice conveyed his concern as he responded, "Don't worry, Bucky. I'm on my way. We'll find her together. Just hold on."
Bucky's mind replayed every moment, every conversation, searching for any signs he might have missed. Anything that could show what had happen to you. Bucky's mind raced with worry as they searched for any sign of your whereabouts. Doubt gnawed at his thoughts, questioning every decision he had made leading up to this moment. Did I miss any signs that something was wrong? Should I have noticed your distress sooner?
But as the minutes ticked by, Bucky's conviction grew stronger. Deep down, he knew you would never willingly leave him without a word. Your love had been genuine, your connection real. It didn't make sense that you would simply disappear without a trace. His gut told him that something was terribly wrong.
That is when he saw Sam walk in with a computer in his hand. "Well I asked the landlord for the security cameras and he was happy to give it to Captain America." Sam says laughing trying to lighten the mood as he sits down, but no reaction from Bucky. "Well what did you find?" Bucky says eagerly. "I see that Y/N got captured while heading in, but its a little blurry to see the number plate." Sam says while showing Bucky "But I do know someone who can get it, wait here." Sam walks out to make a phone call.
The guilt intensified, a suffocating presence that threatened to consume him. He blamed himself for not being there, for not protecting you when you needed him the most. His mind raced with a barrage of "what ifs" and self-recrimination.
Sam comes back awhile later to inform Bucky he found where Y/N is held captive and they rush off to find you.
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Y/N's heart raced as she found herself trapped, held captive by Brock. She knew Bucky would come for her, and she held onto that hope tightly. But the more Brock tortured he, she felt as if all that hope was slipping away.
"Poor, poor Y/N I really thought your boyfriend would save you" Brocks says putting a knife near your neck. "I can't believe he would let someone as precious as you thrown away"
"I don't give a fuck what you believe" you say spitting at brock
Brock punches you and you feel blood come out of your moth. "You need to learn to not be a bitch, before we can play". You can see the look Brock gave you and it didn't make you feel good. He starts to walk away and comes back with collar and puts it on you. You try moving your neck but you feel a sudden pain of electrical shocks.
He lifts your chin up "You better hope your boyfriend comes in time, because a few more shocks and your dead" he says with a smile while he walks outs.
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A few hours later you see the door open in but the tears in your eyes make it hard for you to make out the figure. There was so many of Brock's henchman here you couldn't tell which one was Brock or not.
That is when she caught a glimpse of Bucky hiding behind some crates. Bucky gave you a soft smile while he disapeared into the dark.
However, luck seemed to elude him as a creaking floorboard betrayed his presence. The sudden sound alerted Brock's henchmen, who immediately converged on Bucky, trapping him within their grasp. Bucky's heart raced as he found himself outnumbered, but he refused to back down.
As the first henchman lunged at him, Bucky swiftly dodged the attack. He retaliated with a powerful punch, sending his assailant crashing into a nearby wall. But there was no time to savor the victory as the others closed in, their fists flying.
Amidst the chaos, Bucky caught a glimpse of Sam swooping down from above. The familiar wings of his Falcon suit glinted in the darkness.
You saw while Bucky was fighting the henchman, Sam was taking you out of the facility and to the hospital. "You okay there, were almost to the hospital, then I'll go back for buck" Sam says holding you tightly as he brings you to the hospital. But you eyes start to close slowly, you didn't want to hold on for life anymore, you didn't want to be Bucky's burden, you just wanted some peace.
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#bucky x reader#bucky x reader angst#james barnes x reader#james barnes x reader angst#winter soldier x reader#winter soldier x reader angst#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x reader angst#lvrdrafts bucky barnes x reader#lvrdrafts bucky barnes x reader angst
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hiii, can you write something for enha heeseung with innocent and inexperienced reader? I would love to see what you do with it :))
──★ ˙ ̟🐇 Requests open, thank you ! ──★ ˙ ̟🐇
Heeseung isn't new to sex, he is not someone who can't control himself either, but when it came to you, weirdly he felt himself holding back.
He was taken aback by the request at first, "friends help each other out, right?" but not this way, right? He didn't necessarily go against the request, year of bubbling tension underneath his self control left pushed him to blurt out an unsure yes. All self-control and concern thrown out the window as soon as you had entered his room. Your hair, the way it framed your face and fell on your shoulders, the small curl of your lips every time he greeted you, and the faint powdery sweet scent that lingered on your skin every time you hugged him drove him crazy. He couldn't ignore the carnal desires as a man he felt towards you.
when you did enter the room and looked around, it seemed like any other college kid's. But it was different this was Heeseung, who had many a girls leave his room flustered, with his lovebites on their skin and his essence coating in between their thighs, yet it was different with you. He didn't merely look at you as an object, He had a responsibility to protect you from potential trauma, yet despite that he found his fingers on the hem of your shirt, trying to peel the clothing item off of you when you started looking around unsure.
"I'll take it slow, yeah?' he leaned his forehead on yours and finally connected your lips to his, not wasting another minute to taste you. He had been waiting for this for months now, fuck being friends when you could be fucking every night, when he could touch you on the curves he imagined to be heavenly to hold on to as you descended on his dick. Yet when you told him you were a virgin, he was taken aback. How come someone of your visuals could be a virgin?
You had waited for this moment for so long ,too , you could not deny the sweet taste of his skin on your lips , and the way he so skillfully rid you of your bottoms, only to gently guide you to the bed. Sure you had done some foreplay things before in a random bathroom, but never been penetrated, which scared you. It scared you because the boy in front of you was slowly losing his sanity and patience when his fingers gripped your thigs and almost bent you in three layers. The tent in his pants became unbearable as the his lips collided with your nipples, licking and sucking on the sensitive buds, finally getting to taste you, whimpering as the taste made his mind hazy, his eyes darkening when he finally decided to rid himself of all the unnecessary clothes and take you right here and now.
'Fuck, I might be going back on my word now." he bit his lips as his finger beds made contact with your slick entrance, the action making you jolt and arch your back. The feeling was so foreign, your own rendezvous in the bathroom not even comparable to the delicious pain as Heeseung' s two digits scissored inside you.
"You like that yeah, it feels good?" as much as he was asking, he was begging with these words, trying to get you to come undone on his fingers alone as the other hand gripped your legs over his shoulder, trying his best yet again to not just slam his red and abused tip in your begging core. When he could no longer handle the wetness and the warmth that engulfed his fingers, and you were starting to visibly shake from the pleasure and the bubbling oncoming orgasm, he threw your legs back on his soft mattress, the covers surrounding you in a comforting cocoon.
He takes it slow with you, enters your walls so slow, agonizingly slow, his tip already stretching you out so well, thankful that he used his fingers on you first. Your thighs ache from propping yourself up on his lap, but he does not care as his deadly grip plasters you flush on his chest, his hips bucking up strongly up you, the sensation getting too much for him.
"Fuck this, we aren't friends anymore, whatever this is, this is what we are now" he grunts through thrusts and pants and you have no other choice but to just bury your head in the crook of his neck, letting him nibble on your own.
#enhypen heeseung smut#enhypen heeseung ask#enhypen smut#enhypen#enhypen hard hours open#enhypen drabbles#enhypen heeseung headcannons#keeper writes#enhypen asks open#enhypen requests open#enhypen heeseung#enhypen x reader#enhypen hard hours#enhypen imagines#enhypen fluff
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If YouTube shuts down in five years or if the channel stops doing well or if you just burn out or whatever, what’s your backup career? I feel like a lot of “content creators” become super specialized into doing content creation stuff
This question is interesting, because you've given voice to one of the anxieties it took me the longest to overcome.
My thesis on life is you can't live in any sort of healthy manner if you're constantly planning for the worst case scenario - what you would do if everything in your life suddenly changed. Like how you can't live comfortably anywhere if you've constantly planning for the next time you'll move out.
For me, that question takes the form "what if youtube suddenly exploded", but everyone has a scenario like that. In fact, everyone has an infinite number of scenarios like that.
What would I do for I living if I got sick or had an accident and could no longer meet the physical demands of my job?
What would I do if I had a breakdown and needed everything to stop?
What's my contingency plan for if my entire company exploded and I got laid off without warning?
What've I got lined up if a global pandemic shut down all in-person jobs?
What's my backup plan if I lost the sense I needed to create the art I specialize in?
What if my mind deteriorated and I could no longer engage with reality at all?
What if technological advancement replaced the need my job currently fills?
What'e my plan for if I lose someone I love and it breaks me?
What will I do if a natural disaster destroys my house?
Where will I live if a meteor hit the earth tomorrow?
The idea that "content creators" overspecialize ignores the fact that most people get very comfortable doing the thing they spend most of their time doing, and very rarely seriously plan for the scenario where their One Thing is ripped away from them and they have to find something else. The phenomenon of "person loses their job after years of work" is famous for being massively disruptive, and that isn't because everyone in the world is dumb or bad at planning ahead - it's because a disruption like that is a disruption, in the same way that an injury will always hurt. I don't think it's a failing for someone to live their life as it currently exists, just like it isn't a personal failing if someone experiences a catastrophic change and has to readjust. You can't solve a problem that doesn't exist yet, and if it does happen, it'll come with information and parameters that you'll need to actually deal with it rather than just worrying about it.
If youtube explodes, maybe I'd join our other youtube friends on another platform as we all worked to solve the same problem together. Maybe I'd be in a financial position where I wouldn't need an immediate fallback plan and could take uncomplicated time off. Maybe I'd pivot 100% to writing. Maybe I'd drop off the grid and live in the woods for a while. Maybe I'd get serious about pursuing voice acting or theater. Maybe a friend would recommend an opening at their normal person job. Since we're only pondering a hypothetical catastrophe, we can't predict any of the other factors that'd be in play that would actually determine how we'd handle it.
Most of us will experience many life-changing turning points, and in turn get to experience many different lives. I'm very much enjoying this one, but I'm not worried about what the next one might look like. Overplanning will spoil the adventure with needless anxiety - I'll just be excited to explore it whenever it comes.
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