I've heard that Arjuna loves Ritsuka and is closer to them than they were to the CCC protag can you confirm or elaborate on this?

So first I want to preface this by saying that I don’t really interact with media solely for shipping, and I also generally prefer servant/servant pairings as I find them more interesting than master/servant pairings (in the case of the Chaldea master)

WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY

arjuna canonically is in love with the fgo mc, and the fgo mc specifically. Like I got embarrassed thinking about saying it at first, but if you put his behavior on a girl people would be more than willing to say that he was in love with them.

This is even more obvious when you compare his relationship with fujimaru to his relationship to hakuno: while he gets along with both of them, his relationship with hakuno is much more distant and you get the feeling he’s keeping them at arm’s length

this is especially interesting bc it’s an inverse of what usually happens with servants who contract to both fujimaru and hakuno-by nature of the extellaverse’s format and smaller cast they’re able to devote more time to the relationships, building them up so they feel more natural and real than fujimaru’s, who often will have a few semi-flirty lines of dialogue thrown in in order to help the unit sell. That isn’t the case with arjuna-he’s much more closed off to hakuno than he is to ritsuka!

And in regards to ritsuka: even before his lines updated, he has some…interesting dialogue that suggests some interest in them

the uh. tone, also plays a factor in this tbh

He also straight up gives you the arrow he killed karna with for valentines, which while a completely insane thing to do on the surface is meant as a show of trust, to give you the part of himself that he is the most ashamed of, to give you permission to see it and hold onto it. It’s also probably a great backup catalyst if you ever needed to resummon him or even karna like hmmm. Trying to say something? Like you want us safe???🤔

Then in his second interlude we descend deep into his dream and confront his ‘dark’ side, who isn’t his dark side so much as he is a manifestation of the guilt, jealousy, and pain he feels as a regular human being that he couldn’t accept as part of trying to be a perfect hero. Notably, arjuna persistently tells both fujimaru and hakuno that he doesn’t want people getting close to him (bc they might see this side of him) and that if they do he would harm them.

He doesn’t. He doesn’t even TRY to attack the master, only fights himself. And you help him come to better terms with himself as a person who feels ‘unsightly’ emotions, which deepens your bond even further, leading to this:

he changes his bond 5 line from a fearful, anxious one about you seeing him to one where he expresses his joy and happiness at having met you, and his wish on the holy grail changes from wanting eternal solitude to wanting to stay by your side to the end. This is about as explicit as you can get for a game: we have a few random servants who will throw out explicit ‘I love you’s’ (hektor, osakabehime summer), but he changes his line of view from not wanting you to see his true colors to expressing relief and happiness at having met you, and wishing to stay by your side forever. That’s love! That’s character development close to the lines of what melt or jalter had, except his didn’t get events dedicated to it, only interlude and bond lines. If a girl like jalter can be considered in love with the mc by their actions despite the vagueness then his behavior absolutely can count

I mean look at this

We Are Literally Married Now

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Summary: Steve thinks you’re too young to like him despite the obvious hints you’re dropping.

Warnings: unspecified age gap

Word count: 2246

a/n: I’ve clearly spent too much time on TikTok recently, but inspired me to write something so that's good. It was loosely based on a request for a young reader x Steve, but I forgot part of the request so I'm gonna write something else for that one! Also, I wrote this on my phone so please excuse any typos I missed when trying to edit it lol

Masterlist

Messing with Steve is one of your favorite things to do. Tiny pranks, over the top flirting, poking fun at his lack of understanding of technology. Anything you can do to get him to roll his eyes and chuckle.

Nat would say it’s because of your feelings for him. She would be correct. Not that you’d ever admit that to anyone. Nope. So instead, you have your fun, and enjoy the way his eyes crinkle and his cheeks redden.

Your newest method of hearing the sweet sound of Steve’s laugh? TikTok. It’s a double whammy. One because he doesn’t understand the app and two because a lot of the trends make him blush.

It started as a fun way to blow off steam. Sometimes, being one of the younger and newer team members made you feel like an outsider. Of course, Peter was younger than you, but he had his own friends outside of the team. You didn’t have anyone else. When Tony found you and invited you to join, it was you against the world. Now you have this makeshift family.

Having your account on TikTok helped you when you hadn’t really become a part of the group yet. You bonded with Peter because of his account, and you found a new way to make Steve blush.

Anyway, you’ve learned way more TikTok dances than you ever would have thought just to see his pink cheeks. It’s not even always over the top dances that have him chuckling. The last trend you did had him laughing the entire day. It was that sound about Wednesday Adams having one thing on her mind. Only when it said homicide, instead of a deadpan expression you panned the camera to show Bucky and Sam arguing over who got the last donut.

Of course, you knew when you made the video it would appeal to Steve’s sense of humor. Sam and Bucky feature in a lot of your videos for that exact reason.

In general, you make a lot of videos featuring the Avengers just to keep Tony happy. He likes to be the center of attention, plus the only way he would approve of your account was if it could also feature as PR for the team. You agreed, as long as you had final say over what you posted. There’s nothing scripted or designed for a specific reason, you just feature the team sometimes.

Like when that sound from the Big Bang theory was popular amongst Avengers fans, you made a video confessing to Pepper that you’d been thinking about the Avengers, panning to show the team during training.

Of course, the text on the screen said “you are an Avenger” instead of “I believe that”, allowing you to play off the joke. But still, it was fun to include the team.

One of your favorite videos features none other than Scott Lang, mostly because nobody else would do it. Scott thought it was hilarious though.

Using the sound from New Girl, Scott played Schmidt and you Jess. The text on the screen read as follows:

Scott: You just walk around all day thinking about America’s Ass?

You: Yeah, don’t you?

Scott: No! How do you get anything done?

You: It’s hard…

Steve blushed like crazy when everyone cornered him to watch it. Bucky, Sam, and Tony wouldn’t stop bringing it up for at least a month. A part of you hoped he might make a move after that video, seeing as you put yourself out there, but he just assumed it was a joke and laughed it off.

Honestly, you were running out of trends that you could use to get him to understand your feelings. You only had two ideas left, and one of them would be mortifying if it didn’t work out…

-

“Steve. You’ve got to be kidding me.” Bucky sighed, exasperated with Steve for the umpteenth time that month. “You’ve been pining for forever, just make a move!” he whisper yelled, doing his best not to throttle his lifelong friend.

Steve rolled his eyes, purposefully ignoring Bucky’s pointed glare. The two men had spent the last hour looking through your TikTok account. Bucky was adamant that you liked Steve, but the blonde didn’t believe it, despite the so called proof Bucky kept forcing him to watch.

“Buck, would you please just back off? We’re friends. She’s too young to want to be with me like that.” Steve blushed, thinking about the context of his words.

Before Bucky could say anything about how repressing his feelings is bad for him, a new video popped up on your account. Bucky smirked when he saw the thumbnail was once again a picture of Steve, this time with a beard. Steve took the silence as an opportunity to escape, walking into his closet to change.

The video opened with a video of you and Natasha just hanging out, you lip syncing to the words “I like you have a cupcake.” You repeated the words as the video cut to you and Tony.

Bucky nearly dropped the phone when “smack my ass like a drum” blared from the speaker. He cackled bending over in a fit of laughter when he realized that’s what Steve’s picture was used for- and one where he had a beard to boot.

“What is it now, jerk?” Steve emerged from his closet, having changed into loungewear. The sight of Bucky fully cackling had him nervous.

Bucky tossed him the phone, doing his best to stop laughing long enough to tell him to watch the most recent video. With a hesitant sigh, Steve obliged.

Again, Bucky rolled his eyes at how obvious Steve’s feelings were. The second he saw you on the screen, he smiled. And not one of those half hearted polite smiles, a full on happy smile.

Steve’s eyes widened, nearly bulging out of his head when he got to the end of the video.

“‘She doesn’t want to be with me like that.’” Bucky mocked his friends earlier words, grabbing his phone back. “Punk, I don’t know how much more obvious she could be.”

With one more glare in Steve’s direction, Bucky finally left him to his own thoughts. Okay, so you made a lot of videos about how you find him attractive. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’d want to be in a relationship with him. Leave it to Steve to talk himself out of everything Bucky had spent so long trying to convince him of.

-

You were desperate at this point. You honestly thought the cupcake one would send him over the edge, but it didn’t work either. It has been three days, and you know Steve’s seen the video because everyone likes to tease him about it.

“Naaaaaat, it’s not working,” you whined, dramatically throwing yourself onto her bed. She laughed at your antics, briefly looking up at you before deciding to stop what she was going and give you her full attention.

“Look, not only is Steve one of the most clueless people I’ve ever met when it comes to women, but he can also talk himself out of believing someone’s interested in him. Especially you.” Nat watched as you lifted your head from her comforter, slowly turning to stare at her with narrowed eyes.

“Especially me?” you questioned. Why would you have a different standard?

“Y/N, Steve’s from the 40s. He’s super old fashioned. You're a hot young thing, super up to date on modern trends. He thinks you're just messing around as friends because he doesn’t believe someone as young as you would be interested in actually having a relationship with him,” she spelt it out for you, sick of trying to get you to figure it out on your own.

You took a minute to fully understand what she was saying, but then sat up when a new idea struck. “So you’re saying I need to be more direct?”

Her eyes narrowed, but she nodded nonetheless.

“I’ve got an idea. Thanks Nat!” you ran from the room before she could question your newest plan, instead checking to make sure her notifications were on for posts from your TikTok account.

-

“Steve!” you shouted when you saw him down the hall, about to turn a corner. He immediately stopped, turning back to see you running at him. “I need your help!”

You pulled him into the gym, briefly glancing around the room to make sure it was empty. Confirming nobody else was present, you set up your phone on one of the weight racks to record the two of you. It was already open to the recording section of TikTok, the sound you needed queued and ready to begin.

“What’s going on?” Steve looked between you and the phone, nerves heightening as he realized what you were doing. All of your videos about him thus far hasn’t actually involved him filming anything.

“I just need you to react to this trend, okay? It’s kind of old, but that doesn’t really matter,” you spoke quickly, trying to start the video before he could decline.

The music started playing instantly, with Steve awkwardly looking between the screen and you. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was reacting to, and it had him on edge. Just as the song reached the chorus, you turned and grabbed his face. Throwing caution to the wind, you followed through with your plan before you could back out, kissing him with all the passion and emotion you’d been holding back.

Steve froze, clearly surprised by your actions. Before you could pull away, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer. He kissed you with equal passion and emotion, no longer paying attention to your phone recording the moment.

Neither of you noticed when the music cut off, too wrapped up in each other. When the need for air overpowered the desire to keep kissing him, you pulled back to gasp in a few breaths. Steve leaned his forehead against yours, eyes closed and breathing erratic.

The two do you spent the next few moments just breathing, trying to come to terms with what just happened. You gasped when his hands moved, one resting on your waist and the other cupping your cheek. His eyes were still closed when you chanced a glance at him.

“What was the trend?” he breathily whispered the words, still coming down from the high of kissing you.

“Huh?” you mumbled, unable to comprehend the question when he was still touching you like this.

“The TikTok trend? What was it?” his grip on your hip tightened, but his hand framing your face remained gentle.

“Oh, uh, it was- it was kissing your best friend/crush.” You whispered, heart still racing from his proximity. Your nerves had never been greater. Yeah, Nat always tells you that Steve has feelings for you, but what if he was just being polite? Maybe he didn’t know how to reject you when you kissed him out of nowhere, and now he’s trying to find a way to turn you down gently. What if-

“Was my reaction good enough to post?” he broke your train of thought with another question. You took a minute to think about the question, your brain still moving like molasses

“Um, that depends…” you froze when his eyes opened and stared into yours.

“On?” he prompted you to continue.

“Which caption I can use.” you finished the thought, finally remembering the two most common outcomes of the trend.

“What are the choices?” Steve smirked when you looked flustered, clearly not expecting this conversation.

“Uh, the two-” he began rubbing small circles into your hip with his thumb, effectively cutting off your train of thought again. It wasn’t until he lightly squeezed your hip again that you remember you were answering his question.

“Right! The two most common captions are some variation of ‘this was so awkward’ or ‘we’re dating now’,” you managed to blurt out the choices, blushing when he smiled at you.

“Well, I know which I prefer…” you waited with bated breath as he prolonged the silence, enjoying seeing you so on edge. You nearly whined when he let you go, moving to pick up your phone from the weight rack.

You watched in silence as he typed out a caption, tapping each letter with his pointer finger. A small smile formed on your lips at his adorable old man behavior. He then managed to find the post button, adding the video to your account before handing you the phone to see what he chose.

Your smile only grew after you read the caption, dropping the phone and immediately kissing him again.

-

Meanwhile, Nat had gathered the rest of the team that happened to be around to wait for whatever video you had planned to be posted.

Tony, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Vision, Peter, and Clint all watched as the new video popped up on the screen. Peter bounced with excitement when he heard the song, instantly recognizing the trend. The rest of the group watched as you kissed Steve, mouths gaping open when he actually kissed you back.

Fans were already commenting about how long it took for the two of you to get together, but the team was too focused on laughing at the caption to pay any mind to the comments.

She said the trend was kind of old, but that fits because I’ve got a habit of waiting too long anyways.

Permanent taglist: @averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman @strawberryspence @sebastnstn @jswessie187 @ellobruv

Marvel: @leyannrae @livstilinski @oceaniamaddness @justreadingficsdontmindme

˗ˋ there you are

genre — angst, fluff (?) warning — mentions of death, grief words — 2,124

notes — it is 3:07 am, and i don't want to come up with a synopsis so, i shan't <3 this is my first writing post,, so uhh, please give me criticism !

violet chrysanthemum — unbearable pain at the thought of losing a loved one white chrysanthemum — reserved for sympathy and remembrance lyra — a constellation, which you can read more about here !

hugging his knees on the pavement, oikawa tooru couldn't help but overhear the faint chitter of loved ones greeting each other, serving as a reminder to why he was lamenting in the first place. a combination of heavy sobs and pleas of a miracle, he had grown used to, yet he still found the letters engraved on the cold stone in front of him almost foreign.

the anniversary of your death was fast approaching. caught in the fast lane of change, tooru has experienced almost every stage of grief. almost.

he remembers a shade of reddish brown framing your corpse. a metallic odour accompanied by tears burning every inch of his face, creating a sickly feeling in the back of his throat, which only multiplied as he released his frustration in the form of bargains.

' if only's ' and ' what if's ' his brittle voice had echoed — temporary truces, in which he begged and pleaded with every god and goddess known to the universe, in an attempt to negotiate his way out of this harsh reality.

from denial to anger, and from bargaining which soon melted into his current state of stark numbness in your absence. the past seemed more alive than the present.

stationed on the 4th, hazy reminders of a once living past seemed to obstruct his path of progression leading to the 5th and final phase of this grieving process that must inevitably follow. acceptance.

tooru is a competitive man. on the court, he is capable of adapting to new environments, examining their playing style, studying each and every player in a matter of seconds and having the ability to draw out their strengths — thus, blending into the team as if he was apart of the original line up.

yet, surrounded by this atmosphere of sorrow and anguish, he stuck out like a sore thumb. even after scrutinizing how others had dealt with this profound feeling of misery, their so called 'methods' were in vain, and he continued to suffer.

his fear of being second best, he now had no chance of overcoming. because as if in a race, tooru was exasperated, struggling to catch up with everyone else.

even the stars are lonely, but at least there were a multitude to keep company, and he couldn't help but envy them. your family, friends, hanamaki, matsukawa, hajime, even takeru had accepted the fact that you were gone, as they smiled fondly, memory sweet with you.

tooru could not remember the last time he smiled — a genuine one, that is. one that isn't plastered on when prompted with the constant ' how are you holding up? '. one that creeps up to his eyes to resemble a crescent moon. one with familiarity and love. one because of you.

the setting sun bathed everything in shades of lavender, painting the flowers propped beside your grave a colour he had wished they were. telling a tale of many consecutive days spent in this location, they bloomed brightly and never wilted away for they were regularly changed with a newer, hand picked bouquet. today, the flowers hadn't the ability to mock him, for today was different.

earlier, under what he thought were unfortunate circumstances, he was left stricken by the lack of purple petals accessible. left with no other choice, he let his fingers fumble along those coloured as snow instead. however, opting for these flowers proved to be difficult, as he realised he was breaking his routine.

because the shadow of the past still hung over, his fear of being second best soon morphed into a fear of change. a fear of everything changing. again, while he still had not adjusted to his scars wounded by time. it was nearing a year since tragedy struck. a year since that decisive moment of change.

but due to a sudden yet short lived act of bravery, tooru chose to cease sewing the seeds of habit, and as of right now, he found himself laying these flowers in their accustomed seat atop the gleaming stone. stems slightly compressed due to his secure grip, but petals remaining untouched. although both were chrysanthemums, the previous batches had been violet, and the current were white, simple as.

it is only when his nephew appears in his peripheral, he is snapped out of his trance, plastering a soft smile to veil his conflicting thoughts. hardly a word is spoken between them as takeru gently places an article of clothing on his lap, then is soon walking off.

leaving tooru with more questions than answers, his eyes shift downwards and widen at the sight of his old aoba johsai uniform folded ever so neatly. at an agonizingly slow pace, his slender fingers start to inspect every nook and cranny of the oversized — on you, not him — jersey. he holds it gingerly for this specific piece of fabric is a memory preserved.

and like a bridge to the past, tooru finds himself traversing along the nostalgic path, illuminated by memories time seemed to have dimmed.

as if the past is burned into his psyche, he still remembers the day you ignored him, well at least tried to.

though your actions were deemed fruitless, as you soon dropped your facade when he eventually caught up to you while you were walking home. mentally cursing yourself for your futile attempts at avoiding him, you had confessed that you were not in fact jealous, but curious as to why there were so many girls wearing his exact jersey. there was an attempt to stifle a laugh, yet one look at the stubborn pout on your face was all it took for tooru to burst out laughing.

"what is so funny?" you had tilted your head with a slight scowl painting your features.

impatiently tapping your foot, you waited for a response, but from his hunched figure and the smack! when he brought his hand to his knee was confirmation that his fit of laughter wasn't going to die out any time soon.

"oikawa" you had puffed, and the use of his last name was enough to get his attention, as he flicked an invisible tear off his face.

dramatically, with his hand latched onto his hip to form his signature stance, his free arm stretched out and squeezed your shoulders.

"they're not mine" he chuckled with a shrug and a smile — smug, yet genuine.

"listen tooru, i'm not dumb. you're the team captain right? the number 1's on the back practically mocked me!"

"may i ask, how many were there?"

"you mean how many were wearing your uniform? hmm i don't know, maybe every single girl i saw cheering?"

"yeah, and do you really think i'd have that many jerseys to give away? iwa-chan would be kicking my ass if i was constantly getting new jerseys!"

moments of silence passed and you figured that he was right, but your stubborn demeanour wasn't going to admit defeat that easily.

"i suppose that it would cost a lot of money, which you don't have, seeing as i was the one who had to pay for lunch yesterday. plus, you uhh, still seem as small as you were in first year so i assume you wouldn't need a change in size"

feigning a gasp, he clutched his heart and claimed that it was his turn to ignore you. snickering in response, he cupped your face and peppered it with kisses until he spoke up again.

"you know, ordering uniforms are pretty common for fangirls. buuut, you don't have to spend a single dime 'cause there's only one i'd like you to wear"

digging into his bag whilst motioning you to lift your arms up, he pulled out his aoba johsai jersey. he quickly put it on you and stood back, admiring how the cloth adorned you — no, how you adorned the cloth. this went on for a while, him staring at you in pure adoration, until his face lit up and he went back to fumbling in his bag.

"here! to fully establish that this is for you and you only, a limited edition, aoba johsai uniform, signed by the oikawa tooru" he beamed, placing the top of a permanent marker in between his teeth and biting the lid off.

his left hand found purchase on your waist as the other was in the midst of signing the front and back of your shirt with his signature. tooru being, well, tooru, he began to embellish the entire fabric in little hearts with ' tooru + y/n 's in large lettering, until he was interrupted by your arms outstretching and pulling him in for a hug. deciding against sulking about not getting to finish his oh so lovely drawings, he instead chose to reciprocate and nuzzle into your neck, basking in your warmth.

from then on, it was an essential garment to your outfits. yes, you were reluctant as the bright turquoise colour certainly did not match with everything, but ' you can pull off anything ' is what tooru had claimed. some fashion advice coming from the mf who wore plaid shorts <3

unlike the rest of your clothes in the closet collecting dust, it remained hung up on the handle, ready for use. from matches to study dates which later transitioned into sleepovers, he always complimented your attire in different ways as if it was your first time wearing it.

braiding his chocolate coloured locks, he lay on top of you, the back of his head on your stomach as he made an effort to mirror the rhythm of your breathing with every rise and fall of your chest.

after a lack of commentary, you noticed that he was not staring off into space, but rather the glow in the dark stars you had stuck up on your ceiling. deciding to take advantage, you extended your arm to switch off the lamp adjacent your bed, and while the light faded, the stars gathered overhead.

"oh - hurry up tooru, look! it's a shooting star, make a wish" you gushed, having one eye shut while the other awaited his reaction.

"come on now, you know i didn't bring my glasses with me today, hmph"

"no no, how does that saying go — you don't have to be able to see it to believe it! you're the one always saying those cliche quotes all the time"

".. angel, i'm sorry but this is all just a yellow blur to me. i really can't see anything"

huffing at his habitual use of endearment, you wrapped your hand around his wrist and straightened out his index finger to guide it towards the ' shooting star ' that had not moved from the centre of your ceiling.

"better?"

"much"

letting out a satisfied hum, you both closed your eyes, your conversation, but not your minds as they wished upon the faithful glints of gold which magnified the tranquility of it all.

you eased your grip around his wrist but he took this as an opportunity to interlock his fingers with yours. and with the stars winking from a pitch black sky, your wishes combined, and the soft squeeze of your hands, it was a silent promise that you would always be with each other.

perhaps it was the flower's slight change in hue which resulted in this caprice of fate, because for the first time, he finds himself recalling positive memories rather than remnants of your death.

and for the first time, tooru accepts. the unknown feeling envelops him, yet it does so with open arms, a welcoming smile, and no judgement.

the way he allows his tears dye the turquoise clothing a darker shade, he recognizes that he is no longer under the false pretence that all is well.

he need not question why the corners of his lips subliminally upturn, because as as he clutches this jersey, it's almost as if he is clutching you once more.

while the last stars still fleck the sky, he thanks those lucky stars, for it is you there with him, and he finds solace in your presence.

but this time, tooru isn't afraid to let go.

by no means does he intend to let go of you, no — never. but to let go of the affliction, pain, and instead have regard for the past in preparation for the future. in preparation for change.

and with his damp high school uniform, his smile that is heartful, and the lyra hanging heavy in the eastern sky, they all begin to coalesce into his former self.

the tooru who is not a genius. the tooru who underestimates his own strength, the tooru who overcomes adversity. the tooru, whom you are in love with.

and with the knowledge, and most importantly, acceptance, that you are no longer here with him physically,

oikawa tooru knows that wherever he goes, there you are.

NSFW A-Z List (Mama Mia! Jungkook)

***This contains smut, 18+ only please***

“Aqua told me you all had some questions for me so, I had my assistant fax me the prompt and, I’m really hoping she didn’t read it because, these are filthy ha. I hope you all enjoy yourselves.” 

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex):

“It kind of depends on the situation but, if I just had sex, I’m in a good mood. If Y/N and I are in the bed, I make sure I change the sheets and, I make sure she’s cleaned up and, feeling good too. Sometimes we like to talk about it. A bit of pillow talk is always great. PILLOWW TALK! Do you guys remember that song by that one dude in one direction? Great song. It’s like he left one direction and, immediately needed to say the word fuck and sing about sex.” 

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s):

“This is a weird question. I like my abs? I guess? I mean I spent like a million hours in the gym trying to tone up and stuff so, it’s definitely the only thing that stands out.” 

“Y/N is the by far the most beautiful woman on the planet so, it’s a little hard to pin point one specific part of her I like the most. If I had to choose, I would say her eyes. Sometimes she looks at me and, I suddenly forget all three languages I speak. She takes my breath away. Literally, who is she looking at like that? Me? Does she value my life at all? Is she trying to kill me? Probably. I love her :-)” 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person):

“Cum...I don’t really know what I’m supposed to talk about in this section so, I’m just gonna say- yes?? Is that the right answer?” 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs):

“One time, when Y/N was away on business, I jerked off so much in one day, I sprained my hand. I guess that isn’t dirty but, it is embarrassing. I’d probably do it again though, I’m so spoiled that I forgot what’s its like to go without sex.” 

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?):

“Yikes this question is a little hard for me to answer. Before meeting Y/N, I had a lot of different partners. After finding out my half-brother tried to steal my recipe, I got really down on myself. I felt really empty and, I spent a lot of time partying and, hooking up with random people. I don’t really know how many if I’m being honest. It was a lot though. After awhile I kind of snapped out of it and, realized I needed to deal with my issues head on so, after a bit of therapy, I was doing a lot better. Sexually, I’ve had a lot of experience but, intimacy? That’s a lot newer for me. And let me tell you my dudes, nothing is sexier than being with someone who truly loves and cares for you. I don’t make the rules.” 

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual):

“Missionary. Listen, I know it’s a boring answer but, I’m a sucker for passion what can I say? I like watching her face and, seeing all the little expressions she makes, especially right when I first push inside of her. Also, it’s the best position for her to scratch up my back and, I really love when she does that.” 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc):

“I don’t really find a lot of things to laugh about during sex but, I’m sure it’s happened at some point. Sex is kind of a serious thing for me now but, I wouldn’t stay serious if something funny happened because, sometimes funny things do happen. When they do, we laugh but, then I’m right back in the moment again. Y/N and I mess around a lot in our daily lives so, I like to use sex as a way to show her how serious I am about her and, our relationship.” 

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.):

“I got laser hair removal like 3 years ago. Yes, it’s possible to get it done in sensitive areas but, it’s crazy expensive. Or so I’ve heard, I’m not gonna lie to you, my idea of expensive and, other people’s idea of expensive are probably a little different. But yeah, I got it all lasered off so, it doesn’t really grow there anymore. I keep my face shaved too but, my arms and legs are free to grow all the hair they want.” 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…):

“With Y/N, I’m a little bit of a hopeless romantic, I can’t lie. I love all of that cheesy shit. Rose petals on the bed? Yes. Wine and chocolate on the shores of our private beach? At least twice a week. Leaving Y/N little post it notes all over our villa that contain all the things I love about her? Duh. I AM A SAP. I AM A MESS. I can’t help myself. My father collects first edition classic novels and, for Valentine’s Day, I had him send me the contact of his distributor so, I could buy Y/N the first edition of The Princess Bride. It’s one of her favorites. It was only $1,400 so, I definitely got a good deal. I also had a custom gown imported from France and, a prince-like outfit made for me. What do princes even wear? What is that called? Tights? I don’t know but, I looked like a goddamn Disney prince by the time I was done getting ready. I rented a different villa out for the weekend and, my interior designer decorated it like a medieval castle. We spent the weekend playing prince and princess and, it was probably one of the best weekends of my life. So to answer your question: Yes, I am romantic.”

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon):

“I only really touch myself when Y/N is away. Her and I have a pretty consistent sex life so, we have sex almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I don’t really have a need for it anymore and, it doesn’t feel nearly as good as sex with Y/N.”

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks):

“I have a few. I’m really sensitive to smells so, if Y/N smells good, I can’t keep my hands off of her. She has this one perfume from Gucci that I love so much. I can get hard just from the smell; it’s kind of pathetic honestly. I love  having sex outside too. It’s a good thing we have a private strip of the beach because, if we had neighbors nearby, they would hate us ha. I have a cashmere picnic blanket that we take down there a few times a week and, we always end up making love on it. Yes, I said making love. Get over it. Oh and, if Y/N says anything about my muscles or how strong I am? Instant turn on. I think I have a praise kink? Is that what it’s called? I love Y/N’s panties too. Lace, silk, cotton, clean or dirty; I don’t discriminate, just put them in my mouth. Lol, this is getting dirty…sorry Aqua.”

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do):

“I already kind of answered this but, sex on the beach or sex on our balcony are probably my top two.”

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going):

“I feel like I answered this one too because, I just talked about my kinks but, I would say my motivation is to get my girl off right? I get off easily. I have a beautiful woman all over me, saying dirty things in my ear… I mean, my orgasm is guaranteed. Y/N doesn’t take a long time to cum anymore because; I know how to please my woman but, I still want her to feel good. I want to see her let go and, let someone else take care of her for a change. She works so hard. I want to show her what a good woman she is. I want to show her how much I love her.”

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs):

“Threesomes, anal and, I’m pretty sure this is everyone’s answer but, bodily fluids belong in the toilet.”

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc):

“Yes.”

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.):

“Both. Sometimes I want to draw it out and, let her feel every inch of me but, sometimes I want to fuck so hard we are both sore the next day. It’s all amazing either way.”

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.):

“I love quickies. They are great in the afternoon when she and I have things to do but, we still want each other. They would get old after a while though so, we usually do both. It’s very rare that we just have a quickie and, nothing else but, sometimes it happens. Ever since we moved to Greece, we try to always make time for each other but, we both get busy from time to time.”

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.):

“I’m game to experiment a little bit but, Y/N and I have been together awhile. We’ve tried a few different things but, sex with her is so amazing, I don’t feel the need to experiment that much anymore.”

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…):

“I can last forever if I need to. Like I said, my orgasm is an easy thing to obtain with a woman like Y/N so, my focus is making sure she’s feeling it too. I can go for multiple rounds too, I mean it’s hard not to. Have you seen her? We have sex all night sometimes. I hope she finishes her conference call soon, I’m really starting to miss her…”

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?):

“Y/N owns a very tasteful collection of dildos made out of rose quartz and jade. I use them on her sometimes between rounds but, I don’t know how often she uses them beyond that. I don’t own any toys but, I do spend quite a bit of money on new lingerie for Y/N. She has an entire armoire for all of her outfits. Oh, we have gold handcuffs too. We take turns using them on each other.”

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease):

“Y/N has a really sensitive spot on her neck and, she’s really tender around her waist so, sometimes I come up beyond her and, brush my lips against her throat and, tickle her. She’s told me it turns her on immediately so, I like to play with her a little bit. We both tease each other a lot though, especially during phone meetings. One time, I was on a 4 way call with my investors and, she sucked my dick through the entire thing. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack but, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cum a little harder that time. Maybe that’s another kink of mine…”

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make):

“We live on a private piece of land so; we can be as loud as we want. I’m only loud when things are getting intense but, even still I’m not screaming at the top of my lungs. She isn’t crazy loud either but, I do try my hardest to get her to scream my name every now and again. Just for fun.”

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice):

“Y/N and I are in the process of buying an island in the Caribbean and, sometimes I get turned on when she talks about how much money we both have. I’m sorry, I know it’s a dick move but, it’s the truth. I donate millions to charity every year, I swear.”

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words):

“I’m like 7 inches I think? When I’m hard it’s probably like 8 or 9. I’m not sharing any more than that ha.”

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?):

“Pretty high. Unless I’m really sick or really busy.”

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards):

“If we’ve been going for multiple rounds, I’m pretty exhausted by the end of it but, I don’t just fall asleep. I don’t want to leave the bed afterwards though. I just want to cuddle with Y/N until we both pass out. If it’s during the day and, we’ve only gone once or twice, I’m not tired at all.”

“Aqua wanted me to dedicate this to @gldnrecs​ and, @bulletproofbirdy​. She says you guys are the best and, apparently you have a sweet spot for me. So, I guess I’ll dedicate this to you too ha. I hope you liked it.”

Party Girl - Chapter 1 - JJ x Reader

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: Swearing, underaged drinking (Basically the same as the actual show).

Synopsis: JJ x reader where reader feels trapped in her upper class world and meets JJ at a party before proceeding to have her life turned on it’s head.

I’m considering making this into a series but we will see what happens. P.S if there are mistakes it is because it is rather long so I probably missed out some things while editing.

The sea was your home, you’d been brought up with it. The waves lapping at the sandy beach shore had been your only constant and therefore it had come as no surprise to anyone who knew you when you said you wanted to become a scuba instructor. The dream had been far fetched and just that, a dream. To anyone from a less controlling world, such a job would seem like something reasonably easy to attain – aside from the cost of all the course’s and gear – because high grades aren’t needed. The people who think that don’t have your parents.

You had been born into a rich family and you weren’t complaining as far as money goes but money can only go so far and materialistic ideals often fail to bring happiness. With the money had come expectations and obligations which controlled your whole family’s lives and with the expectations and obligations came unhappiness. Your youthful dreams had been crushed by the ideals of your parents and sculpted into goals more accommodating to their high standards.

Your life had taken this turn when you were just 14 and you had gotten your first low grade in school. After your teacher called up your parents to inform them about your grade drop – which had been considerable – you had had to have the talk with your parents about your future. “Dive instructors don’t need high grades,” you had said only to have your sessions at the dive school you went to on the weekends ripped away from you; math tutoring filling up your weekends instead. From then on life as you knew it changed for the worst, partying later on became a habit because it was something you could do to help ignore the path your parents had laid out for you. This brings us to the now.

“Okay, what do you think of this?” you say peaking a head through the drapes covering the entrance to your closet, before throwing them away from your body dramatically. “Awe, why is no one looking?” Pouting you place a hand on your hip and stare expectantly at your two girl-friends. Abigale is lying on your bed on her back scrolling through her phone and Marlene is fixing her hair at your dressing table.

“Babes, sorry but this is far more interesting.” Abigail says continuing to scroll through her phone.

Marlene looks up, “It’s cute, but a bit revealing don’t you think?”

“It’s not by fault boys can’t keep it in their pants,” you reply flopping down next to Abigale on your bed and poking at her shoulder. “Time?”

“6.45, be patient. Just five more minutes till we go.” Abigale continues to scroll through her phone.

“Your brother and his friends are taking us, right?” Marlene says, pulling at the pieces of her hair that are too short to fit into her high ponytail.

“Yeah, well he said he would anyway. The hair-spray is in the second draw to the right.”

“Thanks, you’re a life saver.” Marlene proceeds to rummage around in said draw, finally pulling out a large can of hair-spray and getting to work on plastering her baby hairs to her head.

You lay there for a minute, the room silent aside from the music playing from your stereo before there is a rather harsh knock on the door.

“You girls commin’ or do we have to leave without you?” Blake, your brother, yells from the other side of the door.

“We are coming now,” you call back before bouncing up and off the bed and almost skipping around your room to switch off your fan, radio and finally the lights when both Abigale and Marlene have exited. You also remember to grab a jacket from the storage cupboard in the hallway so as not to be drilled into by Blake about your less then decent top.

When you get downstairs, you see both Rafe and Kelce standing near the door. A 6 pack of beer is in Kelce’s right hand and there is another one on the counter.

“Topper not with you tonight?” you question, skipping past both your brother’s friends and out the open door.

“No, he’s spending the night with Sarah,” Rafe says, following you out. Rafe has always had a thing for you and it makes you slightly uncomfortable when he blatantly hits on you. However, due to you always shutting down his advances he usually ends up with some other girl by the end of the evening – more often then not, Abigale.

“I call shotgun,” you yell as you get closer to Blake’s expensive new car.

“No, you don’t, you’re getting in the back.” Blake responds, coming up from behind you and guiding you to the back door. You pout but get in anyway, both your friends following you in. Blake and Kelce get in the front, Rafe not getting in at all and instead going over to his old motor bike. Rafe follows behind on his bike as your brother drives out the drive way. Rafe has been complaining about that bike for a while because his father refused to buy him one of the newer models due to Mr. Cameron not being a fan of motorbikes.

The car journey is short and soon you are near the beach. Blake parks up, Rafe gliding his bike in next to the car.

“You stay out of trouble tonight. I’m not being responsible for anything dumb you do,” your brother says sternly as you get out of the car looking a bit too excited.

“We’ll try keep her out of trouble,” Marlene says, getting out of the car behind you. You scoff slightly because you know that both Marlene and Abigale will be off with random guys at the end of the night. With a warning look from Blake you shut you mouth and turn away from him.

“See you suckers,” you say pulling off your jacket and chucking it into the still open car before running onto the beach. You slow to a walk when the gathering of people comes into sight. You here Blake curse you out in the distance and Rafe laugh but you don’t turn back and keep heading down to the party.

The first thing you go to do when you get down to the group is head to the kegger for a drink. The boy handling the kegger, is blonde and attractive. You can tell from his attire that he isn’t from the wealthier side of the figure eight – not that you expected him to be. His hair is matted with a mixture of sweat and beer.

“A cup, please.” You say as you reach him.

“Got lost on your way back from the golf course, princess?” The rugged boy says, running a hand through his blonde hair.

“Do you really take me as the kind to play golf?”

“Fair,” he says, pulling a cup from the packet and filling it up. Even though he is pouring you a drink he still seems slightly hostile. You get the feeling that he doesn’t want you on this side of the figure 8.

Giving you a now full cup, he begins to speak, “Now beat it, princess. You don’t belong here.” Your mouth involuntarily opens and affronted you turn you nose up at him slightly.

“Last time I checked there wasn’t any rules about where I can and can’t go,” you reply, annoyed. “Your allowed on our side of the island.”

“’Your side’,” he scoffs and you cringe at what you just said. “The only reason we are allowed on ‘your side’ is because we work there.”

You consider apologising but your pride gets in the way. Before you can turn and walk away Rafe comes up beside you.

“Praying on my kind now are you, JJ? Didn’t know you had the guts to try it with one of our girls.” Rafe comments slyly.

“As if I’d ever want to get with her,” he replies, looking you up and down. Now you are even more annoyed then before. Was he suggesting you weren’t good enough for him? Calling you ugly? The judging look he shot at you pointed to both of them.

“Let’s go Rafe, don’t waste your time on him.” You say out of anger and Rafe grins nodding before wrapping his arm around your waste, making you slightly uncomfortable, as you walk away.

“Yeah, run away like the cowards you are,” JJ shouts after you and although you can feel Rafe’s arm muscles clench, he and you keep walking towards your brother and friends.

Once you are far enough away from JJ you shake Rafe’s arm from around your waste and down your drink. Marlene has disappeared but Kelce, your brother and Abigale are standing in a group together. A girl you have never seen before is hanging off your brother’s arm and another one is standing beside him as he lifts his beer up to his mouth whilst talking to Kelce. Abigale is subtlety glaring at you from where she is standing over by Kelce. You guess it is because she must have seen Rafe’s arm around you before you shook him off. As you get over to the group you get another set of eyes on you. Your brother gives you a stern look and you role your eyes and sigh feeling like everyone is mad at you tonight.

“(Y/N), we need to talk,” Abigale states when you get over to the group. Kelce raises an eyebrow at you but says nothing as you bow your head and - grabbing two beers off the ground - you follow your friend away from the group. When you both stop walking you drop the beers into the sand and go to sit down, but as you see Abigale make no move to sit down as well you stop and straighten up.

“I saw you with Rafe, you snake.”

“Abby, I swear it is not what you think. He put his arm around me, not the other way around,” you close your eyes as you start to feel the buzz from the drink you downed earlier.

“Oh yes sure and I guess it was just a coincidence that you shrugged his arm off right when you got in eye sight of me.” Abigale pushes at your shoulder and you stumble back slightly.

“It isn’t like that.” You massage your temples.

“Tell me what is it like then?”

“For goodness sake Abigale, it is not my fault that he put his arm around me!” you exclaim rather loudly, frustration in your voice.

“You know what, why should I believe you? You have always been a slut. Don’t come near my man again or I’ll give you more just a push.” With that Abby turns away from you, flicking her long hair in your face and strutting back to the group. Slapping both hands to your cheeks you sink down to the ground and sit on the sand, facing out to the sea. Getting a beer and open it with one of the keys in your back pocket. You think about what she said to you. I’m not a slut, am I? It isn’t my fault boys come up to me when I’m dancing. It isn’t like I ever give them any indication I want more. You take a long sip of the beer before putting you head in your hands. Great, you think, I’ve probably just lost my best friends. Too be honest with yourself they weren’t amazing friends in the first place, you weren’t even sure Abigale liked you beforehand but you’ve known both of them since you were little so you stuck with them.

Taking your head out of your hands you finish up the beer. You crack open the other one and putting both lids in your back pocket and picking up the other glass you head back to where you had left your brother and everyone else. To your surprise they aren’t there but hearing a commotion from the main group of people you drop both your empty bear bottles next to the pile your brother and his friends had left and head over to the noise.

When you get over there you see what has been causing all the noise.

“Blake!” You yell, pushing through the people in front of you to get to set of fighting boys. A boy with slightly long hair is going at it with Rafe while JJ has your brother in a choke hold. Although your brother is bigger and a lot bulkier than JJ, JJ seems to over power him with fighting experience. Not knowing quite what to do as you see your brother gasping for air and in JJ’s grip, all that is rushing through your head is that you need to get JJ off him. You don’t trust the boy not to seriously injure him, after all he seemed spiteful enough to want to do so earlier. Thinking fast you run at them, jumping on JJ’s back. He lets out a startled huff but doesn’t let go of your brother.

“Let go of him, you dick!” you yell and when he still doesn’t you have another – not fully thought out – idea. You sink your teeth into his shoulder hard and he yelps, letting go of your brother and dropping him to the ground. The crowd are all making a ruckus behind you and the noise from them is all you can hear as JJ shakes you off him and you fall onto your but on the ground. Your brother gets up from the ground where he had been trying to catch his breath and punches JJ repetitively until he falls to the ground. He then sends a kick JJ’s way not paying any attention to you. Seeing the well-aimed kick at the boy you had just bitten; you jump onto JJ who is on his back on the ground.

“Stop, Blake! He has had enough!” You scream out ready to take the kick which never comes.

Suddenly, everyone starts bolting and you hear a yell, “Police!” someone says.

The beer hits you in that moment and you aren’t able to move fast enough. Next thing you know you find yourself pushed into a police car next to a pretty battered JJ. He ignores you for the whole journey, looking out of the window but you aren’t to bothered by it opting to worry about how your parents would react to this. You get to the station relatively quickly and once you have given the officers your name and parents details you are placed in an empty holding cell with JJ. You sit in silence for a while, considering the mess you are in and how you are going to deal with your parents who you know will be fuming.

“You really bit me,” JJ says, breaking the silence and massaging his aching shoulder. This brings you out of your thought and you look at him as he rubs the place you bit.

“Yeah,” you say sheepishly, scrunching your nose. “Sorry about that”

JJ shrugs it off, the malice from earlier some what gone. “Can you come take a look at my side for me? I can’t see it but it kills.” He turns around so you are facing his back, so your nod is lost to him, but he hears you as you shuffle closer to him. Your cold hands touch his bare back as you fingers pull his shirt up and he flinches slightly.

“Awe, can the poor baby not handle the cold?” You tease, opting to put aside your disagreement from earlier now that you will be sharing a cell for the foreseeable future. Running a cold finger up his spine, you feel him shiver again and you coo as he huffs, irritated. You can almost picture his expression and you laugh smugly.

“Just check my side, smart-arse.” He grumbles sounding slightly amused. You finally check his side and sure enough it is starting to bruise.

“That looks like it hurts,” you say, voice laced with concern even though you have only just met him. He tugs his shirt out of your hand and pulls it back-down.

“No-shit-sherlock.” He turns around to face you and you fall into him slightly as you had initially been balancing on you knees, hands on his back.

“I have a name you know,” you say pulling away from him quickly, face flushed. You’re not sure why you are getting so hot and bothered because sure he is good looking but you’ve known and know many good-looking guys and have always managed to keep your cool around them. You figure it must be all the drink going to your head.

“Oh, I know.” He smirks at you and you raise your eyebrows.

“So why don’t you use it then, Mr know it all.”

“Does it annoy you that I don’t use it?”

“Yes.” He gives you a look, eyes sparkling. He seems so free, so lively and full of adventure – these qualities draw you to him.

“Well, there is your answer then.” You huff in response and move slightly away from him and put your back to the wall. He moves to put his back against the wall as well, forgetting about his side temporarily. It is brought to the front of his mind again as he hits it against the wall and hisses.

“You okay?” You turn to him and scan his face. He just grimaces.

“Peachy.”

“Stop with the smart replies, you’re not falling anyone. I know you side must be hurting you more then you seem happy to admit.”

“And how would you know?”

“I’ve had my fair share of injuries.” His brow crinkles as he looks at you.

“You?” He sounds surprised.

“Let’s just say I’m not the most rational drunk.”

“A party-girl, huh? I never would have guessed.” He says, still grinning but his brow creases slightly; you don’t bring him up on it. “So, what else do you do in your free time?”

“Why do you care?” You ask, suddenly getting defensive. In truth since scuba diving had been stripped from you, all you had really been doing with your life was partying, studying and hanging out with your most likely fake friends.

“I don’t but in case you hadn’t noticed, sweetheart, we aren’t getting out of here any time soon, so amuse me.”

His comment annoys you slightly but not seeing the point of arguing you indulge him. “Oh, you know, the usual kooky things, shopping, big soirée’s, hanging with friends.” You say only slightly sarcastically.

“Oh, I don’t doubt that, but there has to be more to you then that.”

“I used to scuba-dive,” you say, looking down slightly and JJ can’t help but notice that the memory seems to pain you.

“Used to?” He questions you but is cut off as a police officer comes up to the cell door and takes out a set of keys, shoving one in the lock and unlocking the cell.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N),” he calls out and you stand up.

“That’s me,” you say trying to act more confident then you really are.

“Your parents have come to pick you up; they are waiting in the waiting room. You are free to leave,” the man says.

“Perks of having kook parents,” JJ spits out spitefully and when you go to look back at him, he won’t meet your eyes. His ‘angry at all people who are rich’ façade is back up and you roll your eyes at him.

“Are you going to be okay, JJ?” You say – one last attempt at making peace with the boy.

“Just fine, don’t worry about little old me.” He says will malice.

“Fine. Bye JJ,” you say icily.

“See you around, Princess.”

With that the police officer leads you out of the cell and to the explosion that is going to be the argument which is guaranteed to break out between you and your parents, but only when you get far enough away from anyone who could possibly hear.  

Part 2

His Own Hands | Chapter Three

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Words: 1,263

Summary: Bucky is settling in well with the Avengers but he keeps having nightmares - flashes of repressed memories of a girl being tortured by his hands and then vanishing into a swirling black portal. He's not sure who she is until Fury introduces them to their newest potential team member, a girl Bucky recognizes on sight and Fury calls "Portal".

Warnings: Hurt!Reader, Lack of Communication, torture, trauma, PTSD

Written for Nanowrimo 2020

Betaed by Saxxxology and Amory

Cover art edited by me

---

Bucky’s heart is in his throat and he finds himself hanging back as the other team members gather around Y/N to introduce themselves. Natasha clearly already knows Y/N and she takes up a post by her, sort of standing guard. Keen eyes immediately spot Bucky’s hesitation and Nat sends him a curious look. When Bucky shakes his head, she frowns and beckons him over with a small hand movement.

Knowing better than to argue with her, Bucky rises and cautiously approaches Y/N. She’s speaking with Bruce, leaning in a little with her full attention on whatever he’s saying and nodding as she listens.

“Y/N,” Nat says, bumping her elbow lightly.

“Yes?” Y/N turns to look at her, eyebrows rising in question.

Nat gestures to him and says, “I want you to meet Bucky.”

Y/N’s eyes settle on his face and Bucky can’t breathe for a moment as he waits for her to recognize him but all she does is smile.

“Hi,” she says, reaching out to shake his hand. “I know you. The Winter Soldier. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Bucky nods, looking down at her much smaller hand in his before quickly letting go. Nat narrows her eyes at him but doesn’t comment. Y/N’s smile falters and Bucky’s heart twists in his chest.

“I’m looking forward to working together,” she tells him.

He nods again, already moving away. He wants to stay and talk, get to know her better, but he can’t. His mind is racing.

Does she not remember him? He didn’t always wear his mask during… that time. She definitely saw his face. She should have recognized him. The only explanation is that she doesn’t remember.

How can she not remember?

--

“Please,” the girl whispers as she’s pulled from her cot by stone-faced assistants.

The Asset watches from the doorway, arms folded over his chest. A scientist - Yonkers? Something strange like that - stands beside him.

“Portal has a full schedule today,” the scientist is saying. “Hopefully she doesn’t cause too many issues. It would affect our results to have to drug her too much.”

The Asset nods at the same time Portal begins to struggle. Her efforts are clumsy, a little drunken, but she does manage to get in a good blow to one assistant’s crotch and he goes down with a groan. The Asset rolls his eyes and steps in.

She begins whimpering the minute he sees her, shrinking back in the hold of the remaining assistant. The Asset doesn’t hesitate, grabbing her firmly by her upper arm and dragging her to where the scientist waits.

“Where do you want her?” the Asset growls, giving her a little shake when she continues to struggle. She stills, hanging limp in his grip.

“618,” Yonkers replies, eyeing her. “We appreciate the assistance. We’ll have her back to you by dinner.”

The Asset grunts and begins the trek down to the sixth level. Portal does her best to fight him but she’s weak, both from whatever drugs she’s been given and from being denied food or water this morning for whatever it is Yonkers has planned. Her struggles are especially futile.

The elevator is at the end of the hallway. It’s old and rattly. The Asset keeps a firm grip on Portal as the metal box makes it’s noisy way downward. Yonkers shifts nervously, the way he always does, and the Asset ignores him.

The sixth is one of the newer levels. It’s clean and always smells a little of disinfectant. The Asset leads the way to 618, down the hall and around a corner. As soon as he opens the door, Portal’s struggles begin anew.

“No,” she pleads. “No, no, please, no-”

“Shut up,” the Asset snaps, effortlessly lifting her up onto the waiting examination table. Assistants rush forward to begin strapping her down with thick leather cuffs.

She’s still begging when he leaves.

--

“Barnes!”

Bucky’s head snaps up to find Sam in front of him.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sam asks. “Everyone is waiting for you.”

Bucky glances around the common room to find it empty, sighs, and drags himself to his feet. His boots make a heavy thump as he follows Sam down the hall.

It’s been two days since Y/N moved into the compound and Bucky has been doing everything in his power to avoid her, which she’s making very difficult. For starters, she gets along with everyone and he can’t seem to hang out with his friends without her at least being nearby. It also really doesn’t help that her bedroom is the one right next to his.

He winces at the memory of last night and the nightmare that drew both Steve and Y/N to his door. He remembers waking with Steve at his side, big hands smoothing Bucky’s hair and a low voice talking him through catching his breath. When he finally looked up, though, it was to see Y/N standing in the open doorway with a concerned expression.

“Is he…” she started to say at the same time Bucky shoved Steve aside, leaping from his bed to lock himself in the bathroom. Childish, he knows, but he couldn’t help himself. He needed to be somewhere she couldn’t see him, judge him.

“Bucky,” Steve had called, knocking lightly on the door. “Buck, what’s going on?”

Bucky had stayed silent, sinking to the floor to sit with his back against the door. He heard Steve speaking with Y/N, assuring her that Bucky will be fine and she should just go back to bed. A few moments later, Steve was back at the door.

“Buck,” he said softly. “She’s gone.”

Bucky had scooted far enough away from the door for Steve to open it. He had crouched beside Bucky, laying a firm hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Steve murmured. “I know you don’t like people seeing you after nightmares. I told her I would handle it and I didn’t realize she’d followed me.”

“It’s ok,” Bucky whispered, scrubbing a hand over his face. “She’s new. She doesn’t know. Go back to bed, Steve. I’ll be fine.”

It had taken some more persuading and Bucky getting back into bed before Steve finally left, closing the door behind him. Then, as Bucky lay in the dark processing the nightmare, someone else knocked at his door. He’d known who it was immediately and hadn’t moved, even when her voice reached him.

“Bucky? I, um. I just wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to intrude, I just… heard you and was worried. I’m glad you’re okay. If you need anything, um… you know where to find me.”

Bucky hadn’t gotten up or opened the door or spoken to her at all. He hasn’t seen her yet this morning, either, and he’s not particularly looking forward to seeing her at training. It’s not that he doesn’t like her - it’s kind of the opposite, actually. He really likes her. He’s only met her a handful of times since Fury brought her to the compound but she’s always been sweet and friendly. She gets along well with everyone, especially Nat and Wanda. Even Tony likes her. Bucky wants to get to know her, maybe even be friends, but he can’t allow himself to do that if there’s any chance that doing so could trigger a flood of harmful memories and do a lot of damage

The less time he spends with her, he figures, the happier she’ll be in the long run. That has to make everything worth it.

---

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Hard to love - part 6

 title- hard to love - 1, 2 3 4 5 pairing: fem!reader x Sam word count: 4.2k square filled: for @spnquotebingo​​ - “We are far from perfect, but we are good.” warnings: angst, swearing, some fluff, pre smut and more fluff A/N: last part, sad to finishes this because I've really enjoyed writing it but it had to come to an end. half edited but it’s 4 am and i need sleep so mistakes are there. Want to say thank you to everyone that read this series and hope you stick around for my next. (Working on a dean one or a love triangle one but both need work so i’ll update soon) 

MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN | series masterlist

It felt like you were in a mindless runt. You pushed any kind of feeling down, scared that if you felt even the smallest thing then you'd feel everything.

A few hunts back you had met Donna, she was a hunter/sheriff. You had rolled into  Stillwater, Minnesota after hearing about a case. She had seen right through your fake FBI get up right away. But instead of arresting you like you thought she would. You two bonded really fast, something about her was easy to trust. You gave her your number for if she ever needed your help.

You still missed Sam everyday but you remembered why you stayed away. You hoped he had moved on, it made it easier to think that.

But the one thing you didn't think would happen, she would know Sam and Dean. Of all the hunters in American you had to  befriend one who knew them. When she  called you  originally you thought it would just be the two of you but as you pulled up at the meeting spot you saw all three talking.

They hadn't seen you yet, you wanted to drive away and call Donna with a bullshit excuse but you had promised to help. You watched for a few seconds,  watching Sam mostly. He looked tired but he was still smiling. Donna always had a way to make people feel better even when everything was falling apart.

Donna was the first to notice you watching in your car, when she stopped so did the Winchesters. Both their faces dropped. You looked away, trying to pull yourself together.

You want to keep an emotionless façade, making yourself the villain you felt were. The boys were keeping a similar façade as well, not wanting Donna to know the issues.  

Looking straight at Donna, not having the will power to look either Sam or Dean in the eyes. Sam would of obviously told Dean everything. You couldn't help but remember what Dean said when you first came to the bunker.

'He's already wiped. Just don’t mess him around.'

And you did it the end, you let him think you were okay enough to be with someone completely.  "Donna" you smiled as she hugged you.

"Y/N, Glad you could make it. This is-" She drew away, turning you to face Sam and Dean. All the air left your lungs but you couldn't show it.

"We've met actually" Dean cut her off, if looks could kill you'd be dead.

"Oh I didn't know" she still smiled not noticing  the awkward air around the four of you. "so I bet you're wondering why I call you all here"

"Something like that" Dean muttered. Sam had yet to say anything but you could feel his eyes on you.

"Well, I called you guys for the muscle and Y/N here for brains" she slapped Dean on his back.

"glad that's what I'm known for" you weakly smiled.

Dean muttered something under his breath but you didn’t caught it in time.

"So what do you know so far?" You said Donna, you could feel your façade dropping.

"well it all started a few weeks back, a local man was killed we had no leads until a women came in claiming she knew the man and dreamt how he died, days before he did" Donna explained.

"They could just be a physic" you hoped it was that simple, then you could leave.

"that was my first thought but then we got half a dozen calls about people's nightmares coming true" Donna finished the whole story.

"I'll look into some lore about dreams coming true and the rest of you can question people" You said.

"You sure you're okay alone?" Donna smiled still not picking up the tense.

"of course" you smile a bit to wide , nodding to everyone. "like you said these guys are the muscle and they'll need your help more than me".

Your eyes locked on Sam longer than the others. He just barely met your eyes. "right then, guess we'll caught up later" Donna said with the same cheerily tone.

After another smile you started to walk back to your car. You could do this, just this case then you could hide away. "Y/N". You stopped dead, If anyone was going to shout after you, you thought it would be Donna or even Sam but not Dean.

"Dean" you didn't turn around. "Just so you know I didn't know you guys would be here".

"would you of shown up If you did?" Dean said from behind, his voice was cold.

You swallowed and turned to face him. "No I wouldn't, and the only reason I'm staying is because Donna asked me to help. I'll stay out of your way as much as I can. I don't want to hurt Sam more than I already have".

"So you admit you hurt him" Dean argued.

You looked just over his shoulder, Donna and Sam were watching the two of you. "I know I hurt him, and I hate myself for doing it but this is the easier way".

"breaking his heart is easier?!" it was clear he was angry.

"Yes. Walking away is a lot easier than him dying or me dying. How you ever watched someone you love die?" You felt angry too. Of course Dean had questions.

He didn't say anything but his face said it all.

"This way I am the bad guy, this way Sam can hate me and move on and be- he can be happy" You felt like crying, everything was hitting you all at once. "I'm going to go and research and you can go back to hating me too".

He didn't say anything, only nodded. You looked to Sam again, he was doing the same, looking at you. Keeping the narrative as the villain you were the one to look away.  

Somehow the town had a store that sold a wide range of stuff. From supplies of spells to bones. You didn’t know to know what or whose bones they were but it was still  interesting .    

The section you needed most was at the very back of the store. They had old hardbacks and newer paper backs. You really had no idea what you were looking for, dreams coming true was strange. They sounded more like nightmares if anything.

Something that used nightmares. You swore you heard something about nightmares in polish folklore. In the end you left the store with 5 books, one in polish you could barely read.

The next step was to find a motel to stay until the case was over. You only had to drive for a mile or so before you found one that looked okay.

 you sent a quick text to Donna telling her where she'd find you.  All you did for the next 3 hours was read and take notes. The wall above the bed was covered in ideas.

You were stood on your bed with a book in each hand and a pen in your mouth. You stopped when the motel door opened. If it was someone trying to attack you, they had chosen the right time.  

"Hey, Y/N you find anything" Donna came in carrying some beer with her. "I thought we could have a girls night"

You spat your pen out, still holding the books. "Donna. I didn't think I'd see you again today" you jumped from the bed, putting the books down too.

"Well we finished with the questioning  and I wanted to catch up with you. Plus I wanna know what happened with you and the Winchesters" she shut the door behind her. Turns out she had spotted the tense from earlier.

"What about the Winchester?" you tried to play dumb but Donna saw right through it.

"I saw how you couldn't look them in the eyes, and then I saw the way you spoke with Dean" she eyed you seriously handing you a bottle.

"It's very hard to explain" you sighed, "I met them months ago"

"And the rest?" Donna asked holding her own beer.

"Not important. But want is, is this case and I think I might found what we are looking for" you point to the note covered fall. "now I'm getting most of my infor from a polish book and I can't read it all but the other books fill in the gaps".

"okay, I'll bite what we looking at" Donna sighed, knowing she'll get nothing out of you right now.

"Okay so I remembered something about witches and dreams but couldn't remember the whole lore but I found it" you jumped up on the bed pointing at all your work. "They're called Night hags, they're nightmare spirits  they feed on nightmares".

"and how do ya kill one of these night hags?" she pointed to all your research on the wall with the hand that held her beer.

"sliver but you need to do it when they're feeding, which is the hard bit" you bite your lips and picked up another book, "I found a summoning spell but we will need someone to act as bait".

"Well then better call the boys" she reached for her phone but you stopped her before she could.

"Do we need too? We can do it, you know girl power and all" you said, feeling nervous about being in the same room as the boys so soon. You thought you had at least tonight. "or we can do it tomorrow night? They're probably at a bar getting drunk anyway".

"I'll only agree if you tell me what's going on with you and the boys"

"Promise?" you bite the inside of your cheek, already feeling worried.

"You bet ya" she sat down on the bed, waiting for you to join her.

You sighed a sat down next her, getting your own beer. "like I said I met them a mouths ago, I saved them from some witch" you smiled at the memory. "Then I did a case alone with Sam and we bonded , like I really bonded. Then we kept in contact but I didn't see him for a while and when we finally did see each other again. I broke his heart because I can’t let myself love him, even though I do" you  felt your throat croak with a sob when you finished.

Donna just hugged you, "I didn't think it was something so big".

"I hate myself for what I did to him" you muttered, "I hope he hates me, it would make everything easy".

"maybe it's not too late. Maybe he still feels the same" she rubbed your back.

"but it scares me, what I feel for him and what he feels for me" your sobbed a little more. "All I want is for him to be happy".

-x-

After a while Donna left, you were too upset to talk anymore. You had just gotten dressed after a shower. The only light came from the streetlight outside. The bed had been cleared for all your things, everything was still and quite.

You sat down on the chairs by the window, putting your head in your hands.  Now you were alone you could take in the whole day, seeing Sam, your chat with Dean and all the feeling bubbling up again.

Someone walked past your window casing a shadow across the floor, you watched as the shadow stopped outside your room. Reaching for you gun you waited to see what would happen. You took a few steps towards the door, reaching for the door handle. You sung the door open and opened your mouth in shock when you saw who was standing there.

He was swaying a little, like he couldn't stand up for you. His long hair was a little messy from the wind and being messed with. "Sam" his name left your lips, you felt the pain of it.

He pushed his head up so he could stand taller, "Donna mentioned you were staying here and I want to talk" His words were wobbly. You could smell beer and whiskey coming off him.

"You're drunk. Tell me where you're staying and I'll drive you back" you went to hold his arm but he pushed it away.

"NO" you stepped back, taken back from his raised tone. "I'm not leaving until you speak with me".

You felt hopeless, "Come in before someone calls the cops" you open the door wider for him. "I'll call Dean"

"he's asleep" Sam muttered walking into the room. Throwing his jacket off and onto a chair.

"Fine. I'll get another room and you can stay here" you sighed and went to grab a few things.

Sam breathed heavy and turned to watch you. "just stay here", the lifted his hands up and sat on the bed. "We've shared a bed before".

"this time is different" you said, putting some steel in your voice.

"your choice" he muttered under his breath.

You pushed back your hair, "the right choice".

Sam stood up, catching himself a little and walked closer to you. "don't I get a choice!".  You couldn't answer all your fight had been taken over by your guilt and pain. Maybe you had only been thinking about yourself and how you weren't strong enough.  "you left before I could say I love you"

You face was wet with tears, that was the last thing you ever thought he'd say. You opened and closed your mouth to speak. He was waiting for you to speak but all you could do was stare. He raised his hand and held your face, a sob sounded from the back of your throat when you lent closer to him.

You felt more tears fall, you brought your hand to his. You had missed his touch more than anything, all the warmth from his hand was traveling through your whole body. Your lips parted when his thumb ran along them. "Sam. We can't".

He didn't move away or change his face.  You couldn't bear to look any longer so you closed your eyes. You felt his free arm go round you. Your breath quicken when he lend you to walk on.

You opened your eyes and looked into his hazel ones. They were half closed with  exhaustion. "we can sleep, just grant me that". You wanted to fight but you were to exhausted yourself.  It went like clockwork, you both settled down in bed, he wrapped his arms around you. He buried his head into the nook of your neck. And that's how you slept, safe in his arms.

-x-

Sunlight warming your skin woke you up, you could feel Sam's sallow breath on your neck. It was a slip to let Sam in, even more of a sip that you feel asleep in his arms but despised the regret you would feel late you finally felt whole.

You turned so you could face him, his hair had fallen across his face, his eyelashes casting shadows over his cheeks. You still had a whole case to get through when you both woke up.  But being in his arms again was all you had wanted since you left but like always you knew this wouldn't end well. God Sam would wake up thinking all was good but you were still so unsure if you'd make it out alive, Sam was right though he deserved a choice about how this ended.  

His eyes were beginning to open, you bit your lip as his sleepy hazel eyes focused on you. You wondered what he remembered from last night he was just drunk enough to speak with you but maybe he'd forgotten just how he'd gotten to your room.

"hi" you whispered, he smiled immediately when he saw you were still next to him, still in his arms.

"Hi" he voice was half wonder and shock. He brought his hand the back of your neck. "So…mmm what does this mean?"

You didn't know what to say because you were thinking the same thing, "honestly? I don't know, but you were right last night. I never gave you a choice, I just ran and it was wrong so maybe if-" you breathed heavy through your nose as he waited for you to finish, he already looked so hopefully. "If we take things slow  then maybe and it’s a big maybe I can let go of my fear for losing you".

He first answered by pulling you into a tight hug, you paused in a moment of shock but then put your arms around him. You could feel him grinning against your shoulder. He pulled away to speak. "I don't want to push you in to this".

"No, I need the push" you smile, running your fingers thought his hair, pushing it away. "I love you and I don't want to push you away, I need the time away and this half finished case to show me".

"Yeah, I was gonna ask about all the creepy stuff on the wall" he looked up to the wall above the bed and shrived. "Why have it above the bed?"

"because then I don't have to stare at it when I'm in bed" you laughed, you pulled him closer. "Kiss me?", he didn't need to be asked twice. You both smiled against each others lips, kissing Sam was hardly ever hard but this time felt like you were catching up on all the time you missed.  

 He pulled away  as his hands lifted your top from your head, you hadn't put a bra on the night before so you were left with nothing but your shorts. His hands went right to your breast and cupped them. He played with each nipple, you gasped into his lips. He then moved down as took one nipple in his mouth and sucked.   Your back buckled and you pressed more against him, when his tongue circled the tip.

You bit your lip to hold in a moan, you throat aching with the affect. He let your nipple fall from his mouth with a pop and went back to your lips. You tugged at his shirt wanting to feel his skin against your own. He answered you wish by taking it off. You let your lips fall to his neck and kiss along his neck and down this chest. His hands were moving all over your body as you kissed all the skin you could get to.

you stopped abruptly when you heard someone try and open your door. You looked from each other to the door, which was still trying to be opened. "Sam! Open up" .

You swore and pulled your top back on and pointed for Sam to get his own on. It was useless to try and lie to Dean but here you were, pretending you were 5 minutes away from sex.

"Dean" You sung the door open and eyed him. He looked from you to Sam who was still in bed waving over to his brother.

"Caught you two at a bad time then" he laughed and walked in with out being asked. "donna said you had a plan".

You watch shut the door and sat near the window, you then explained everything to them. Dean seemed happy with the plan but Sam looked a little worried. " You're okay with being the bait?"

You shrugged, "Gets the job done, plus you guys and Donna have my back". You took out your phone to text Donna to come. "You two can go and get the stuff I need, while I get dressed".

"sure I speak for Sammy too when I say you don't have too" he winked, purely  joking but Sam's cheeks still went red.  

"very funning. Now get lose and do your bit"

-x-

You were pasting  around the hotel room, picking up everything you'd need for the summoning spell, you knew that Dean, Sam and Donna were all outside waiting but you were still worried something could go wrong.

The spell was easy, only needed some dream rot, lamb's blood, bones and some of your own blood. Carefully you mixed everything together. Reading from one of the books you waited for the hag to show up.

The motel room was set up to look like you were trained enough for this hunt or any hunt. You made sure to hide your actual weapon and had just your gun to hand.    

All you needed to do now was wait, ever since the Djinn had gotten hold of you, you had been scared hunting something you didn't know and this was the first night hag any of you had hunted. You were hoping it would be weaker during the day.

Nothing was happening until everything did. First the lights started to flicker, then the room went ice cold. You stood up and looked around the room for any movement. When you got to the far left corner you saw a fog beginning to form into a space.  Your nerves took over and you shot at it. It moved faster than you thought, throwing itself at you.

You screamed when you hit the floor, head hitting a set of draws. Everything went out of focus, a face of an old lady was the first thing to become clear, before you could scream again she put her hand over your mouth.

The room went dark, when the lights in your mind came back on again you were in the same nightmare you always had but this time was different. Instead of Danny being there dead, it was Sam. This is what night hags did, they feed off your nightmares and here you were playing into its plan.

It took everything to pull out of the dream, there was the hag again now sat on your chest. Thankfully the gun was still in your grip, so you fired, praying the others would come.

You breathing went slack as she hit you with more power this time, now you were in the bunker. The lights red, your feet moved without being told .  You stopped in a hallway it looked the same as the others did but this one had Sam's lifeless body on the floor.  A sob overpowered you and knocked you down to your knees. You fell close enough at the blood that pooled around him wet you knees and hands.

You brought your hands to your face, even in the red lighting of the diner his blood was clear. It was just a dream, this is real. You repeated like a pray. The real Sam will save you soon, then everything will be okay.    

The lights suddenly came back on, the blood was even more frightening.  God you hoped this meant it was over, It had to end soon.

"Y/N! Wake up" a voice echoed through the empty halls.  You could hear more background noise too, more voices. You suddenly tired , everything was melting away.

When you next opened your eyes Sam was staring down at you, you were once again in his arms.  You let your head fall back with relief. "Oh thank God".

Sam smiled, "Did you doubt us?".

"No" you smiled, catching your breath. You looked around the room and saw Dean and Donna lent against one wall and a dead hag on the floor. "plan worked then".

"for the most part" Sam chuckled, "Apart from this" he pulled a strand of grey hair from your head. "Seems we were fast enough".

You felt the hair, you had read about people aging fast if the magic was strong enough but just a strand was weird. "I think I can pull it off". He only laughed and helped you stand,  "You guys on clean up?"

"Like you said once, 'I did the kill so you do the clean up'" dean clapped his hands together.

You pouted your lips, "But I did the research and have grey hair now! At my age too". No one seemed to buy it. You rolled eye your eyes." fine. Can someone at least help me get her in my boot".

-x-

You stood alone with Sam just outside Stillwater. After everything was done, you and Sam left to have sometime alone. The both of you were lining against your car. The moment was so peaceful it felt wrong to ruin it with words. But what you needed to say felt right.

"You always save me" You kept your voice low, as to keep the moment small. "Like with Djinn you were in that crazy dream and remembering you made me realize that none of it was real".  He reached for your hand and rubbed it in between his.  "Then with the hag. My fear was you dead, my new worst fear. I used to think it was a weakness but I was wrong".

He waited before speaking. "What am I then?", he sounded so afraid of what you might say.

"we are only a weakness if I let it be one and I don't anymore. I want to be with you, I want the messy, I want the hard because easy never last" you face him and smiled.  "We are far from perfect, but we are good".

"yeah. We are good" he smiled too and pulled you into his arms, you knew then that even with all the fear that this was where you belonged, in the arms of the man you love.          

yeah i def feel they’re tryna focus on selling rn but then i mean they’re company cause it’s def the company who are coming up with the selling and merch. I think it’s also cause they’re at the peak of their career and they all need to start in listing in the army etc etc. So they’re tryna get the most out of it. I wish we get our storylines back tho with the next album i mean mots7 was the most personal so there’s that. I can’t rly hate it bc everyone does it, but also it bothers me a lil too

anonymous said:

girl what you said abt bts being sellouts recently? i feel you. i'm trying so hard to get back into them it's so HERE LOOK AT THIS now that i feel like i'm getting suffocated. i miss the actual deep storylines and plots of their albums and songs and when they use to do halloween dance practices :( i'm so glad they're getting the recognition they deserves bc they're such amazing boys but also,,,, it's so exhausting now :/

//

yeah i think the fact that they have to enlist soon defo has influence on it. i also think they’re trying to get their strategy down before they enlist. this is so they can go to shareholders/investors/whoever with proper numbers and be like see this is what we can do, and what we can generate. then they take that model and apply it to TXT and all other artists directly under big hit. i think jin is delaying his enlistment till end of 2021 but can’t rmb if i read that from a credible source. anyway, i really wonder how they will handle things during enlistment and post enlistment.

and though you didn’t necessarily talk about it. i really have a bone to pick with the ads/brand endorsement that they are in. i mean some of the vids are pretty boring... or just like does not inspire me to buy the product. legit the guys getting caught with iphones despite being samsung endorsers is a big lol and if i am allowed to be a little critical, is sloppy on bts’ part. anyway I feel like the execution is trash when it comes to their brand endorsements lol. big hit nails the in house content production but when they partner up with other companies, it’s not great. though i feel that’s mostly on the brands and less so on big hit/bts.

these brands want bts as ambassadors to tap into the purchasing power that ARMY has. it's millions of people willing to buy anything they endorse but I just think they could do so much better. take brands like nike and adidas when they make ads, that shit moves you. you're like yeah that's sick!!! (e.g: nike’s you can’t stop us ad). yeah yeah they can’t go all out for a brand endorsement but i think they can do some low effort stuff. like downy for example could've done smth like make the guys make a fragrance, an exclusive limited edition product or capitalize on the fact that jk loves doing laundry.... maybe a cute little laundry day with jungkook and the boys lmao idk something that's just a little more genuine. it doesn't have to be cringe or high budget but at least it doesn't make me feel like it's just their name on a product. baskin robbins though they made a ‘bts flavour’ like the guys didn’t even have a hand in making the flavour? a video about them choosing the flavour would have made me go like ok i wanna try it. also they could get bts to work at a baskin robbins shops undercover or smth. idk something funny, something meme-y but perhaps bc of covid this wasn’t viable. anyway seeing them pose with ice cream doesn't make me feel like buying it lol. for Hyundai they could've done an outdoor camping episode, or a cute video about a road trip??? SOMETHING. like make me believe they actually like the products they are trying to sell at least. I want the ads to be more than them just saying look at this product hehe. like have you seen Thai ads? their stuff is top tier. and I remember the brands behind them because that's just the impact it has. maybe brand ambassador type products just are meant to be low effort. but a great brand related celebrity endorsed ad would be this one by budweiser & dwayne wade.

and to the other anon, i wouldn’t classify bts as sellouts as per se but bighit definitely has a very aggressive sales strategy. can’t say i’m the expert on sales and marketing but idk if this model is sustainable. i think first, fans who have been fans for a while will begin to get fatigued. maybe newer fans still don’t mind it or perhaps like it even, but eventually they might get fatigued too. but that may take years so perhaps big hit has it under control. can’t say i can fully understand because i’ve always been that person that has only ever voted, streamed and basically do things that are free in order to support them... i did buy tracks on melon in the early days to help lol but i’ve never felt the absolute need to buy everything they release, the albums and all the concert dvds or summer/winter packages. so i (and perhaps we) are not who they are targeting. maybe other people think differently and will always buy and never get tired of all the constant ‘buy this!’ type messaging.

but you are right haha i do miss the deep story lines, the goofy dance practice vids, the silly vlives where it wasn’t some curated event where they are doing smth (tho i like those too!!!) i just miss namjoon straight rambling for 10 minutes about his outlook on life, eat jin, jinminkook antics, [miss tae, hobi’s and yoongi’s vlives too] and i miss jungkook’s fancafe chatrooms... i remember one concert where in his ment, namjoon (and im paraphrasing) was like someone said something that made me sad. they said they felt like as bts achieves more, bts feels even further away from them now. (-- he went on to say not to feel like that, but i honestly can’t remember. i think this is the if our music can even make you feel 1% better ment but then again i am also not sure ahahahh!)

i didn’t feel that then but i feel that now haha. there isn’t anything wrong with it and i guess it’s just the reality of life! so so so happy for them and everything that they’ve achieved. amazing that they have a fan base that is so dedicated to them, and that continues to grow. perhaps i am just getting old...

Win This Fight (GOT7 Jackson Wang x Dancer You)

Angst/Fluff Word Count: 7K Was feeling inspired by how JYP has been treating GOT7 and IGOT7 recently  so i wrote about it. 

Not proof read & wrote this at work :)  This is purely fiction, nothing is real. GIF not mine!

Dancing had always been your passion, and right now you and your friend- and long time dance partner- found yourself in Korea auditioning to become idols. Many company representatives have showed up, some of them even bringing a few well-known idols too. The audition is set up like many ones that you have been to before. First they divide by gender, and you were immediately saddened because the one person you knew you were being separated from. Then they divide off people by how they look, and you look at your group and see that you are put in a group with all the other foreigners. Then they teach a dance number that’s 4 8-counts that repeats itself. If you cannot learn the dance by the next couple of tries, then you would automatically be dismissed. If they didn’t like the way your body looked then you would be dismissed. Honestly it was the most superficial audition but everyone knew that already. Everyone there wanted to be a famous idol, including you. After nonstop dancing for almost 3 hours everyone was called back into the larger dance room. You make eye contact and see that your friend Eric who is Korean himself has already made friends with other guys around him. Nonetheless he waves and so do the other 3 guys around him. ‘They seem to like you.” This girl much taller, who spewed nothing less of elegance with deep ebony skin and a pearly white perfect smile said to you. “Hello I am Nia, what’s your name?” “Hi Nia, I’m Y/N and that guy over there is my friend, we’re auditioning together.” “That’s nice you have a friend here! This is my first time here in Korea.” “No way it’s my first time here too! But I am sad to say if I do not get a job soon, then I will have to move back home.” You said “Yeah I do not want that either, I hope to become a choreographer here, and I’ve seen you dance and its very good!” Nia complemented “Oh thank you! I hope your dreams come true here. And you are an amazing dancer too, honestly everyone here is.” You said looking around at everyone’s faces. A man blew an air horn and everyone stopped their private conversations. “Thank you everyone for your hard work, if you have been selected by the companies then your number will be called. We will go by groups first starting with they males then the females. If you are selected please remain in the building, if you are not we thank you for your time and I kindly ask you leave the building peacefully.” Group by group he started saying numbers and they were also posted on the projector screen soon after he said it. Everyone was quiet, the ones that were accepted and even the ones that got rejected.

You and Nia went for coffee; the both of you had not made the cut. Luckily Eric did, so it wasn’t all bad. He actually refused to be idol, but accepted being background dancer for JYPE. You both had to go back to your respective countries seeing as living in Korea will be impossible for foreigners such as yourselves. As you two were walking the streets you notice a group of dancers that were also in the same audition as you going to another building. “Lots of people here are recruiting for variety shows or companies. Those dancers are probably trying to get into anything that will accept them.” Nia said “That’s dedication.” You replied. “Did you want to check it out?” “Sure, we have nothing better to do, we got rejected.” You said a bit salty You walk in and surprise it is another audition. You both looked at each other and thought that you had enough rejection for one day so you were on your way out. “Dancers go that way.” A man who was blocking our exit said “We are not auditioning.” You said “Sorry, but why not? There’s no harm in trying. I know were are not a huge company or anything but you can just try.” He said almost pleading He saw the hesitation on our faces. “This is a street dance variety show. It’s more like a competition but instead of people picking you, you get to pick your mentor. Kind of like the voice but the dance version.” “What do you say?” Nia asked “Fine, lets try.” We make our way backstage and notice a difference in the sea of people. Back at the company building everyone looked pristine and proper. Here there were people of all shapes, sizes and colors. People carried themselves with pride in how they dressed representing where they came from. It was so amazingly homey and instantly put a smile on both your faces. That audition was also very similar to the earlier one you had, except this one you actually received a call back. Looks like everyone would be staying in Korea after all. You and Nia moved in to the hotel where they would be filming the show and she helped you improve your skills making your movements more fluid, and you helped her by teaching her tricks to memorize choreography faster. They kept hyping up the show on advertisements, but all contestants were in the dark. No one knew who the mentors would be or who will actually be staying. All that was known, after the filming of the first episode more that half of the people will be asked to leave. Eric had been so busy with his new job at JYP that you had not been able to see him this past week. He said he had an assignment but needed your help with the dance moves. He told you to meet at one of the dance studios JYP owns because actual artists had been occupying the ones in the JYP building. You had signed an NDA so you weren’t even allowed to say that you were a contestant on the show, so when he asked if you would be staying in Korea you switched the subject to the task at hand. The job was to choreograph a couple’s dance to “I Don’t Care” by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber. He had the choreography pretty much done but needed a partner to help film it so he could submit it. You being the good friend and possibly the only girl that he knew decided to help him out because you know he would also support you the same way when the time called. After an hour of learning and perfecting it, he set up the camera and started to dance. We did it a couple times from different angles, so that when he goes home he could edit it. While doing a pickup routine we heard the backdoor close but we continued dancing because we needed the pickup shot. Though they glass we could see some figures and we could tell they were watching the dance we were doing and thank god they did not ruin the take by walking into the practice room. After we finished the last steps, Eric ran to stop the music and the camera, and ran to open the door. The figures walked in and they were whispering something and they all turned and looked at you. You tried to appear unfazed and took a seat by the mirrored wall and was mindlessly scrolling on your feed. Eric came back followed by the other people. “Hey Y/N, thanks so much for helping me but you need to go. Apparently this place was reserved for them at this time and I will get fired if they see you here.” Eric said and the unknown men were just staring at you behind him. “We just did this routine like 10 times can’t I catch my breath? And once you submit that video, they are going to know that I was here, so what difference does it make?” you said packing your stuff and pulling a large hoodie on top your body. “That’s fine, they won’t know when I filmed with you here, but if they find out it was during GOT7’s practice time, I will get fired.” “G-GOT7?” You looked at all of them, and some even waved at you. You couldn’t enjoy the moment too much because Eric was dragging you out. “I’m so sorry,” he apologizes, “I’ll make this up I promise. Thank you Y/N, you are the best!” Day of filming- You heard nothing of the assignment or if he actually got in trouble. You honestly couldn’t even focus on it, the nerves of the show getting to you. You prepared as much as you could knowing that during this first episode it is every man for himself. You arrive at the filming location and it is a huge ware that was remodeled to look like the streets. There were platforms on two sides, and a large stage in the middle. Surrounding everything were stadium like bleachers going all the way to the very top. By the sound booth, there was a VIP seating area with couches, and you guessed that is where the mentors would be sitting when they arrived. They were only looking for 42 people total for the show, and as you looked around there were well over 100 people there. You made your way up the bleachers and sat with the large group of contestants. After some time the announcements start for filming and the night progresses. Before the actual dancing part happens they start by introducing all the mentors. One by one they walk out and play their pre-recorded video that explains who they are. You were shocked by all the big names. The first one introduced as YG and was one of the main choreographers for BLACKPINK, herself a small woman cute as a button.  The second was AOMG and a representative choreographer from 1Million was the mentor. Third was a guy representing a newer company called P Nation founded by PSY. And last was one of the main choreographers for JYP. Collectively instead of going by their personal names, they went as YG, AOMG, P Nation, and JYP. Groups had already been made the day before and before they started calling the contestants down, the host said there was a surprise for us. “Currently there are only 42 spaces available and about 120 contestants right now,” the host started, “But I’d like you to introduce you to 20 other people that the mentors have chosen from their own companies that will also be competing for the 42 spots available.” Gasps and curses escaped everyone’s mouths. These 20 extra people who are already in a company are also going to be competing for a spot on the show? How is that even fair, they already have the advantage because there is no way the mentors will let people from their own company go home. So the fight was real, 120 people would be fighting for 22 spots basically. As the additional dancers walked in there was a strict divide and thick tension between everyone. You noticed a familiar face and Eric was sitting with the other JYP dancers. As soon as everyone was settled, one by one, or group by group, dancers would perform a minute routine and after everyone had performed they would be asked to stay or leave. You were in a group with Nia, another girl, and four other guys in total there were 7. You knew the risk of being in a group but it was collectively decided that we did better as a group than individually. They started with the performances and soon you were up. Surprisingly you were calm because you felt prepared and knew with the performance you were going to give, there’s no way the judges wouldn’t want you. You took your position and danced your heart out and left everything on the stage. The chemistry between dancers, the moves matched the music perfectly, not one mistake was made, and the difficulty level was high. The minute flew by and once the stage lights turn off you can actually see just how different everything looks on stage and it was beautiful. You look at the judges and they seem impressed, you look up into the crowd and see Eric staring at you in disbelief. You gaze over him and before you know it you are being pulled backstage again. You couldn’t focus on the other performances all the nerves finally hitting you. You decided if you do not make it in the competition then you’d give up dance. More commotion started as the 20 extra dancers started their sets. There was a clear difference in the way they moved. It was more precise and cleanly executed. Even Eric’s dancing had changed in a short amount of time. The nerves were up once again. If I say your group number congratulations you have impressed the mentors. If I haven’t then we thank you for your time. You look down at the patch where they wrote your number 95. You held hands with all your members and prayed so hard that he would call your number. “4, 17, 18, 30, 35…” the host started counting and there was a mixture of cheering and crying, “43, 56, 75, 80, 88, 91…” you heartbeat was out of your ribcage at this point, “95…” you all hugged and cheered out of happiness, “Lastly 97-100.” The last 4 numbers belonged to the last 20 dancers that were picked by the mentors. A lot of dancers were angry with production staff, and honestly you were too. But you didn’t say anything for the sake of the group you were in. There were more than 70 contestants left and that is when the individual judging began. But this show loves surprises and it the writers decided that instead of just the contestants suffering, the judges should too. So the new twist was the mentors do not have the chance of having equal teams. Instead there will be 2 mentors who will have an extra person. Making the 2 teams of 10, and 2 teams of 11. This put a little strain on the mentors because in the coming weeks, if no one who was chosen by them remained, then they would automatically lose the chance for the title. There was a box with 4 balls, one plain red, one with a red star, one blue, and one with a blue star. The one who picks the star one has the extra member. They went one by one starting off with P Nation who pulled out a blue solid color. Next was JYP who pulled out a red starred color. YG went next and pulled a solid red color, which left AOMG with the blue starred color. The numbers were decided and it was revealed which mentor saved which number. The first numbers called were groups that only one mentor chose- meaning no battle had to be done since it was unanimous- their spots were guaranteed in that mentors team. Starting backwards the group of boys from P Nation danced first and of course P Nation and AOMG wanted them. Since it is up to the group where to go, of course the picked their own company. This happened to every company, and the five they chose remained within their respective companies. Your group went and it was revealed that JYP and AOMG wanted you to join their team. You looked over to the team and Eric look excited because he could have the chance to be on the same team as you. The mentors were bickering with each other and wooing us to join their team. We talked it over and went with AOMG. People were shocked. You were too, but you were already rejected by JYP once and you weren’t going to let that happen again. Once all the teams were separated. Everyone had an abundance of contestants and needed to remove some members to fit the team limits. AOMG managed to rack up 15 people and needed to cut 4. You were sure those cuts will probably becoming for your team, because as you’ve witnessed before usually the girls are the weaker dancers. You held Nia’s hand and made direct eye contact with the mentor. He pulled out 2 of his dancers, 1 b-boy from guy from another group, and 1 guy from your group. That left the 3 girls from your group, 3 guys from your group, 2 guys and one girl from his original group, and 2 b-boys- 4 girls and 7 guys. Your emotions have been all over the place all day and when your spot was guaranteed you couldn’t help but cry. All the hard work you’ve put in before finally paid off and you are getting the dancing debut you have been waiting for. After some time, formalities and introductions were passed and each group needed to return to the stage to receive the weekly mission go over the rules. The host stated every week the dancers with the lowest scores/votes would have to battle and the loser would leave. When you returned to the stage you saw that Eric was not eliminated either. When you made eye contact with him, he shot a smile and you gave one back. Nothing was ever wrong with a little friendly competition.

It was the semi-finals of the competition, and it was down to JYP (7 male dancers), AOMG (3 female 2 male), P Nation (3 male). YG was unsuccessful to keep all of her dancers so she was eliminated from the winning title but remained as a guest and mentor for the red team. At this point the show was just referencing to the groups as the red and blue team. Eric made it to the top as well as you. Since ratings and views were starting to decrease the producers asked each entertainment company to send an idol for the semis so that their fans would watch. This week was also the week that you had to do a sexy theme. That was the one type of dance that you were never comfortable with only because you are a hiphop dancer, so your moves always came out harder than most girls. Luckily the only 3 girls left in the competition was on your team and they immensely helped you look somewhat successful. Also part of the twist was the opposing team got to choose the song, so they chose “Dally” by Hyolyn, and Drunk on You by Jus2. A remix was made and you felt like you were the weakest link. Everyone else seemed so confident and you faked it and it showed. When the show started as always the contestants and mentors took their places and welcomed the invited guests. P Nation managed to get s Jessi, HyunA, and E'Dawn. AOMG managed to get Loco, Gray, and Simon D. JYP managed to get all of GOT7 to come for the filming of the show. The amount of big names and stars that were in one room was incredible. And you were feeling the nerves because if you were to be eliminated it should not be this night.

When they cut to commercials, proper introductions were made between teams and celebrities. All the celebs on the blue team were open and really fun to talk to. Even the star struck red team came on our platform and introduced themselves. When the blue team went to introduce themselves to GOT7 there was a wall. Bodyguards surrounded GOT7, and the blue team was instructed that no contact was to be made to the artists, even if they spoke to you. A distance had to be maintained and there was absolutely no touching allowed. If the rules were violated then you would be disqualified. The boys looked annoyed that JYP put a ban on even a hi-touch and couldn’t have a proper conversation with any one other than the red team. The blue team just bowed and were returning to the blue platform when Jackson spoke up, “Hey! You were in the dance studio the last time right?” You did not want to risk being eliminated so you just nodded and walked away. He looked hurt but Jackson already has his life settled, and there is no way you are going to let a guy ruin your career. “Good luck! Fighting!” he yelled as you stepped back onto your side. You half bowed but then Eric engulfed you in a hug and you could swear Jackson almost jumped towards you, but he restrained himself. “You know I have enjoyed this competition so far, and you’ve definitely grown as a dancer. I can’t wait to see you do a sexy theme.” Eric teased “I have also enjoyed your company but I think there’s only enough space for one of us, and we both know that’s me.” You said arrogantly throwing his arms off of you. “Here I am to make peace, and you do this?” He feigned offended “Nonsense consider it a warning.” You joked He pulled you aside and his face dropped serious, “You better not leave tonight. I know this isn’t your element.” He said hugging you “I won’t, I’ve practiced way too hard I-“ “Places people! Going live in 30 seconds!” “Good luck and remember, you are so sexy, don’t think too much about it, why do you think I only want you to be my dance partner never anyone else. You’re the best there is Y/N don’t forget it.” He said giving one last hug before going back to his own platform. You know that he was not romantically attracted to you but that small statement made you blush nonetheless. Jackson joins Eric and you mouth a thank you before heading back to your position. “What was that all about?” Jackson asked Eric, green monster showing “Just giving her a pep-talk. She doesn’t believe she’s a sexy dancer so tonight is out of her element. But the more she tries to fake sexiness the more awkward it comes out. She just needed a reminder to be herself and her natural sexiness will just flow out.” “Do you like her?” Jackson asked before he could even control his mouth “Not like that. But she is my best friend, and I want to see her succeed too.” The announcer flipped a coin and the blue team was first to perform. The words Eric said kept replaying in your head so many times you missed the first beats of “Dally”. You caught yourself up in time and felt your body stiffen. You see Nia and she’s effortlessly dancing, and then look over to the other girl and her long hair is also flowing. You look at Eric and he’s telling you to relax. Soon Jackson comes into sight as well and he is also taking deep breaths with Eric. It was quite comedic but actually managed to calm you down. It was your turn to dance in the middle and the chorus and highlight of the dance was approaching. You centered yourself and then let the music take over as it usually does and you found yourself gliding with the music and sending the camera a wink here and there. Soon it was over and when the lights came on the red teams mouths were hanging open and some were fanning the blush off their faces, even GOT7. You returned back to the platform and it was the red team, their challenge was to be smooth, like MJ and the song that was chosen was “K-Town” by Jay Park, and Hit-Boy. Their performance was not as long but it definitely was clean. The bottom two dancers of the night were chosen and it was you and the other girl from your group. You two had a dance battle to Cardi B “Bodak Yellow” and the fans decided who won. You, your teammate, and the host stood on the large stage, and all eyes and camera were on you. To say you have never felt more insecure in your life would be an understatement. The host stood between you two. “And the one that will be returning next week… for the season finale… a chance to perform at MAMA with their mentors and colleagues… and 10 million won is… Y/N!” Your teammate hugged and congratulated you and danced her way off stage. You thanked the host and the crowd and returned to your spot on the platform before letting out your tears of relief. Nia came to comfort you, and you honestly thought you were hallucinating when you saw Eric and other red team members come onto the blue side to hug you. The finals were not going to be easy. Even though you were on rival teams you all had grown into a family and it is always hard to see someone leave. We thought this was the end of the episode, but the producers love putting a twist into everything. This new one especially sucked. In order to get to the finals, each contestant would have to battle against an opponent and it was up to the crowd to decide who would win. JYP was already in the danger zone because they were the only ones left in the red team. It was between P Nation and AOMG to fight. To decide who was going against them, a drawing was made with balls similar to the beginning. The one that had a star was safe and the one that did not had to battle. P Nation went to pick first and it was revealed that they would have to battle JYP in the beginning of the next episode.

Finals No expense was spared for the last episode. Thanks to the last episode many more celebrities join in the live viewing of the final episode. Some celebs included, PSY, Jay Park, Yang Hyun-Suk, and J.Y. Park. Other group and artists decided to join as well such as, Got7, Itzy, iKon, Jessi, Loco, Gray, and Simon D. There was an opening number with both red and blue teams, along with the mentors. After the opening number it was time for the battle. JYP went first doing their performance with the 7 males, and P Nation performed after with the 3 males. As they were standing on the stage the tension was thick. If JYP won then they would have the chance to battle again, if P Nation won, then that would be it and the competition would be over because no one from the red team would be available to compete. Once again the live voting was being tallied on the large screen on top. Everybody watched as the numbers changed. After what felt like forever they started to slow down and once everything stopped it was revealed that JYP had won. Your heart broke seeing your teammates have to walk off the stage and now it was up to you 5 to bring home the title for the blue team. It was up to this one last dance that will decide the your fate. Since this was the final performance it was longer than the others too. After a coin toss JYP was the first to dance. Since everyone was already backstage you took a few moments to wish Eric good luck and he did the same to you. You decided to rehearse one more time and stretch before the performance. They gave the 2 minute warning and everyone was lined up behind the panels. Slowly you heard the music start and the panels opened. You saw the bright spotlight and the same thing was running through your head. If you win this you’ll get the prize money, you’ll get to be a part of AOMG, you’ll get to join the tour following the competition, but most importantly get to stay in Korea. As you were dancing you were appreciative of everything around you. You looked at your mentor who looked so proud and was cheering like crazy. You looked into the crowd and fed off the energy they were giving. You looked at all the celebs around you and appreciated that they took time out of their schedules to support the show. And lastly, you looked at you teammates who you didn’t choose but couldn’t imagine this competition any other way. When the final note struck you knew it was over, and all was left in the hands of the voters. Voting was open until the end of the show where they would announce the winner. Until then, the groups and artists performed a couple of songs. Most of the artists didn’t have backup dancers so they just asked the contestants to have fun on stage. None of us minded and we were actually having a lot of fun during the performances. GOT7 were the last to perform and it was instructed once again our team could not engage with their artists. So when they were performing, you could see the awkwardness and hurt in their eyes when the blue team remained seated even when they would personally ask for us dance with them. They handled the rejection professionally but it made our team look bad and that could affect our votes. After all when Jessi or Gray were performing both the red and blue teams were supportive. It felt wrong to have this restriction. You gave them the benefit of the doubt and it seemed GOT7 did not even know a restriction was set in place. Jackson said something to the red team and next thing you know, they are trying to drag the blue team on stage. Eric was the one to come up to you and you told him what JYP management said about the blue team not being able engage with their artists. His face practically fell and all you could do is shrug it off. They returned back empty handed and Eric whispered something to Jackson. You assumed it was what you told him. GOT7 finished off the performance and then returned to their seats. The two teams were once again called on the main stage. The host went over again what the winners would receive along with the title of Koreas best dancers. The lights dimmed down and a spotlight was on the host. “And the winner is…”

The studio had turned the warehouse into a club, and practically anyone and everyone involved with the show was there. Since it was an invitation only party, there were not many paparazzi, so the idols and celebs indulged and relaxed a bit. There was a huge dance floor and Nia and Eric seemed to be getting comfortable. You were swaying to the music when someone taps on your shoulder. When you turn around you see it is Jackson. “Hi.” He said showing his squirtle-like smile Your smile was wiped off your face and you instantly turned around and started walking back to your table. “Hey don’t be like that. Please let me explain!” “Under JYP’s new rule I am not allowed to associate myself with any of JYP artists even if they instigate.” You repeated the same monotone voice “Cut it out, please I didn’t make that stupid rule.” “Jackson please leave me alone before you get me in trouble again. You will not receive any repercussions I will. ” You begged He saw the hurt on your face and reluctantly left you alone. That put a sour mood on your night and you slowly made your way to the exit of the club. You reached the hotel lobby and was waiting for the elevator to reach the ground floor. Once it reached everyone rushed into the elevator. As the door was closing you saw someone sneak into the lift in the last moment, making the already packed elevator tighter. You got off on your floor and was walking to your room, when you opened it a stranger also ran in a shut the door behind you. He covered your mouth so you couldn’t scream. He quickly took off his mask and revealed Jackson’s face. “Don’t scream, we need to talk about what happened during the finals. I am going to remove my hand now.” He said cautiously and you nodded “My life will be ruined if anyone sees you here.” He took a step towards you, and you backed up in reflex. “Why are you afraid of me? I am not going to hurt you.” He said taking his step back “I am not afraid of you Jackson. It’s your guards and your company I am afraid of.” “No one knows I am here. I made sure no one followed me,” He said softly trying to soothe your worries. “Yeah, I’m sure no one is going to notice you’re missing downstairs,” You say sarcastically. He smiled that you actually spoke to him. He would rather have you angry and talking to him rather than sidestepping and silence. “You really are a great dancer. I thought I should let you know. I really hope to work with you one day.” Here is Jackson one of the best dancers in Korea saying he really wanted to work with you- a nobody. You slightly let your guard down, and spoke softly. “Too bad we can’t.” You let your head sink remembering those cruel words said. “You can if you join JYP.” He said softly lifting your chin, “We would not have to tiptoe around each other so much.” You looked at Jackson in the eye, did he really not know? “Jackson what do you think actually happened at the finals? What did JYP tell you?” “We don’t know why he put the restriction, but I think its because you are a part of AOMG. When the tour with them is over then you can join us at JYP.” “That’s all he said?” “Yes I swear! Is there more?” he said holding your hand “Yeah he just left out a small detail.” you said cautiously “Which is?”

“And the winner is AOMG!” Blue confetti started bursting out of the cannons, P Nation dancers joined you and the rest of the blue team in a group hug. A trophy was handed to Jay Park who then awarded it to the mentor. All the hard work had paid off, and things were finally looking upwards for you. The mentor came into a group huddle and handed raised the trophy. All of us were screaming and hugging in triumph. The host started saying the closing remarks and soon cameras stopped recording. This entire journey had been an emotional and physical rollercoaster. The red team made their way onto the stage and started to congratulate the blue side. Eric was the first to come up and hug you, clumsily bumping into Nia. Instantly they had heart eyes for each other. You went to go to the red teams members and shake their hands too. When you got to JYP’s staff they shook your hand as asked for a moment to talk. They went to the edge of the stage where no one was standing, “Congratulations on winning.” He said untruthfully “I hope you are aware of your restrictions concerning our artists.” “Yes but can I ask why you have been so strict with it concerning only me?” “It seems one of my artists have taken a liking to you and quite honestly you do not fit the look of a JYP artist.” You have been rejected for looks as a dancer many times which was a common thing in the industry. Its understandable if you don’t fit a role, but to be rejected for any kind of contact based on looks, that was new. “You are not our type, so we simply do not want you and him to be associated, hell we don’t even want you touching them. There is no value for us in your association with him, but if people found out you were associated with Jackson then that will boost your reputation. We are just taking precautions, if you get into a scandal then the press would read ‘GOT7’s Jackson friend Y/N…’ you get the idea.” You were livid, “I don’t need Jackson or JYP to make it big. Why don’t you keep a better eye on your artists and keep him away from me if you are so threatened.” “We cannot do anything that will hurt their image.” “And you honestly believe by putting these stupid restrictions you are what, saving their image?” You said walking away. Eric caught your irritated expression and instantly shielded you from anyone’s way. You quietly told him what happened and you made him swear not to tell anyone. You also noticed guards starting to follow behind all JYP artists. GOT7 was making their way to the blue teams celebrations (guards behind and all). They made a line and started bowing and shaking some of the higher ups hands. You were at the end of the line and put on the most sincere smile as possible and bowed with your hands behind your back. Jackson pulled you in for a side hug to take a picture with the winning team, but one guard pulled Jackson away and another one shoved you onto the ground. You looked up in shock that they would go to such extremes. Jackson pried the guard off him and offered his hand to help you up. You crawled back looking at the looming guard behind him. “Sorry here let me help you up.” Jackson said “For a dancer, she has two left feet.” The guard joked, “She tripped.” You backed up and got up on your own fighting off the tears. You ran to the middle of the crowd before you let the tears fall. When people asked you lied saying it was happy tears.

“THEY CAN NOT DO THAT!” Jackson was yelling in your hotel room, “How dare they say that about you, about anyone!” “Jackson it’s fine-“ you try to calm him and sat next to him on the bed “IT’S NOT FINE! Here I am trying to be the best person I can be and look how my company is treating you!” he said hugging you, “You don’t deserve that.” To say being hugged by Jackson felt amazing was an understatement. “Jackson it’s just me, I’ll be okay. It was just a blessing to be able to see you, let alone share a stage with you.” “Just you? What is that supposed to mean? Do you not understand what you mean to me? When you dance you have me captivated. There’s so much passion and love in your movements it is hypnotizing. You made me remember the reason why I joined this lifestyle.” He said releasing the hug, “ And they want to take away my new found light from me?” “I’m sorry as much as I’d like to, I can’t. Honestly it’s too much drama and right now I need to focus on building a career so I can stay in Korea.” You said placing your hand on his, “And I need to do it with out you.” “I believe in you, there is so much potential in you. I just wanted to be there for you every step of the way.” “I appreciate it, I really do.” You sighed, getting up to the door, “But I need to do this alone. You have enough things to do already and I don’t want you worrying about me.” Jackson stood behind you and brought your hands up to his lips. “I’m sorry. For what you are going through.” “You don’t need to apologize, you haven’t done anything wrong.” You reassured “Still I’m sorry, maybe we will run into each other again down the road. And when we do let’s not be like strangers.” You nodded and smiled. He embraced you for one more hug and planted a long kiss on your forehead. He looked and down at you and made a swift look to your lips before meeting your eyes again. “You mean so much to me. I don’t want to leave you like this.” He said cupping your cheeks. “I don’t want you to think for any moment that you are not valuable. You are so incredibly talented and your have the hunger and passion to go anywhere in the world. Don’t listen to them; they want to tear you down. You’re better than them you surpass them. And you’re going kill this industry, I know it.” “Thank you Jackson, for everything.” The way he was talking was making you weak so your voice was not over a whisper. “Make it big so that one day I could do this in front of everyone.” “Do what?-“ Jackson took the words from your mouth and kissed you. It was a hesitant, soft kiss but you didn’t pull away so he deepened it pulling you closer to him. He pulled away holding you like you were made of glass and hugged you one more time before walking out of your room. When you went to bed you still felt the tingling sensation on your lips and couldn’t help but smile. You had a new objective and that was to be the best.

A/N I left it open for a part 2 if people like it. I know I focused more on the dance side of it and it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you made it this far and want a part 2 lmk. Thank you! <3

Frostbite (End)

Requested:  can i request a fic between Y/N and Steve where they’re secret lovers but Y/N chooses team Ironman in Civil War and then fast forward to infinity war she finds out that Steve has moved on with Nat.

Part 6 | Frostbite Masterlist

Pairing: Steve x reader

Warnings: slight angst

Word count: 3.9k

A/N: Thanks for the memories, I love you guys. Thanks to everyone who’s read this mini-series. This chapter was inspired by the song Say it Again by Frances.

Day 74 since Steve’s confession

Y/N feels like she’s young again, being courted. Like the girl in the books she’s read, although she still hasn’t remembered. Though she admired Steve’s dedication to see her whenever he can – which is perhaps every time – she’s decided to run at night. It was her time to think. She knows no one is pressuring her to decide, but seeing Steve’s face every single day, knowing he was anxious to know what she was feeling made her unhappy. She wanted him to be happy, to not wake up every day without an answer.

The street lamps have become silent sanctuaries for her soul when she’s done running, she would always walk back. After the jolt of racing from point a to point b, wanting to get away from the tower as fast as possible, she would be coming back the slowest way she can. In these nights, she would think of Steve’s eyes, and how they sparkle like the stars in the sky; how each time, they’re a constellation to be identified. Steve’s in love with the girl she used to be. She shook her head, no it can’t be. It’s still me, isn’t it?

She was terrified of being alone too, who was she not to understand what Steve must’ve felt all those years?  Was it so wrong to crave for attention and claim one that’s right there, in arm’s reach? There are twenty-two lamp posts before the tower, and it feels as though her steps get slower and slower. There are still people wide awake, with the light on their windows floating in the sea of darkness. Could they be thinking of their lovers too? Maybe even during this one time she could relate with the people in their bedrooms, their lights still on, and their minds on the people who love them. Did she love him? Although he’s been nothing but kind to her, and her feelings have been swayed, there’s still something lacking. Like the last bit of gap between land and air before she could fall into the cliff, into his arms. She’s still on the edge, lacking that one step to fall. That’s what she thought of every night.

She wanted to cast snowfall for the people outside, light enough to make them look and receive something from above, but maybe not tonight. Nine more lamps until she’s back in the tower that had slowly unraveled from its being foreign. It felt like a box of memories, and she still hasn’t found the key. The council has approved for Y/N to be on missions now, and she’ll be on her third one the day after tomorrow. Her task being to monitor them, it was enough, just standing in the shadows. Everyone was still worried about her being on the field, so she was assigned on the sky.

She remembers the day she sat on the quinjet, the first time she’s ever had since forgetting. Her hand felt like it fit perfectly on the control; like they’ve been reunited to a place where they’ve always belonged. It was funny, that her hands knew where they belonged but the rest of her body didn’t. But it was enough, for now. Three more lampposts and she’ll be home. Home is such a strange word. The tower was nothing but a concrete fortress, shouldn’t home be a person? Was Steve hers?

One, she was standing in front of it now, the last lamppost; and behind it the tower stood proudly, although she thought of it coldly, it was the only place she saw herself in. Maybe it was because she really had no other place to go, and maybe it’s true, when you’re lonely, you take what you can get.  Y/N walked back inside, her steps light and quiet. She walked straight to the direction of her room, and once there, she jumped on her bed, on her back and huffed. Looking to her right, was the book. She extended her arm and grabbed it. Her fingers rubbing on the yellow stain on the cover. That night would never be erased from her memories, it was the first time she’s been reminded of something she still hasn’t remembered anything about. Even when her life had been relayed to her like a history book, it’s not the same until you really have gone through it. It was all talk and no show. By now she’s practically read the book too many times to count.

Y/N sighed, put the book on her chest and laid her arms wide on the bed, her knees dangling from the edge. Another night finished, another day still not remembering, another morning to deal with.

---

“Steve,” Y/N greeted, a smile on her lips as she saw Steve in the hallway waiting for her. It was music to his ears, his name escaping from her lips, the only melody he’d let a broken record play.

“Hi,” he whispered back. And although he wanted to hold her hand as they walked to the meeting, he knew that she still wasn’t ready. It was small, but waiting another millennium just to touch her hand would be alright. After all, here she was already greeting him with her lips turned up. “You ready?”

“Yes,” she bit her lip and they started walking. Her hair had grown long, he wanted to tuck it behind her ear.

“Do you want to drop by the bookstore later? Maybe we could find something new to read?” Steve asked. Y/N didn’t want to say it, but there’s only one book she’s interested in. But the look on Steve’s face is too hard to wipe away.

“Yeah, that’d be nice, Steve.” she nodded. Say it again, Steve thought. Say my name again. Steve looked to his side, trying to hide his boyish grin. He too felt like he was the boy back in Brooklyn, the prettiest girl walking with him. He wanted the world to know.

“They’re here. Let’s get started,” Tony declared the moment the two had stepped in.

They all sat round the table, while Steve analyzed the way of the mission and started assigning tasks. It was a rescue mission, and a quick retrieval operation. Something of Hank Pym’s technology was stolen, Hank and his wife have been kept captive, forced to create more. Hope was now part of the team for this mission, Y/N saw the sadness in her eyes, her worry, her not being able to sit still on the chair and wait for tomorrow. Time was ticking, but there wasn’t much of a choice. Hank had signaled that he bugged the replica they were creating, self-destructing the moment it will be turned on. The plan was to rescue him and Janet before the terrorists would activate the device. Their hideout would be obliterated. It was simple.

Y/N nodded as she was tasked with being the main pilot, to drop them off and wait until they’re ready to be picked up. Though her powers have come back and she was able to control it, it was still best for her to not be in combat, with her still recovering from amnesia. It was a risk they couldn’t take. When the meeting had ended, she saw Scott hug Hope, she saw the tears in her eyes, not wanting to lose her parents again and Y/N was more than willing to help Hope to get a piece of herself back.

The afternoon had flown by quickly, Steve had his jacket on and Y/N wore a sweater over her collared blouse. The sun was hiding behind the clouds, the air was cold but it didn’t matter. They both walked on the pavement, his hands in his pockets and hers on the strap of her bag. They were heading to one of the oldest bookstores in the city, a place she’d always went to before. The store had huge windows, and upon entering was the scent of coffee and old books. The mahogany wood floors and the army green wallpaper blending perfectly to look like a literary jungle. Black pendant lamps were hung through the aisles, warm light emitting from the bulbs, the books looking bright and yellow below. The store sold old books as well as new ones, but Y/N always walked past those crisp new copies and went straight to the withering ones. Those were the one that held memories. She would open one and flip through the pages, creases of the folds made by the previous owner, the writings of a blue pen underlining the best lines said, the dedication in front. She loved it.

“Look at this one,” Steve called out, holding a small gray book in his hand. “I used to have this book when I was young.” It was a book by Thomas Hardy. He opened the book revealing the yellowing pages. “After I read it, I started drawing the scenes the way I imagined it in my head. It wasn’t the way I always ended up the picture to be.” He closed it, it was a newer edition, with an illustration on the cover.

“Do you find anything you like?” She asked.

“I have,” he nodded, but not continuing to say what. He pressed his lips together and smiled. Y/N walked to another aisle. As she stood on the opposite side of the shelf, the books creating windows where they could see each other, she spoke.

“Would you like to have coffee after this?” Steve couldn’t hide his delight.

“S-sure, I’d love that.” He looked through the books, at Y/N’s face focused on looking for the perfect novel. She was beautiful, especially under this light. She tied her hair in a low pony tail, a strand of hair falling from her face. Seeing her made his heart melt every time.

After a few more minutes in the store, Y/N decided not to purchase anything at all. She followed Steve to the counter where he paid for his. It was packed in brown paper, and tied with a beige string. Y/N wondered what he got, he didn’t say when they were skimming through the books. But her curiosity would soon be over.

“Here, I got this for you.” Steve handed the brown package to her as they made their way to the café. Y/N’s breath hitched, she looked up at him and smiled.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.” He put his hands back in the comfort of his pockets.

“Thank you.” She started to pull the string. And he paused, biting his lip.

“Can you open it later instead?” he asked, gently.

“Why?”

“I think it’s the best time for it.”

“Oh, okay,” she nodded.

Steve was happy he’d ask Bucky about coffee, he didn’t know a place to get the best one. So, when Y/N asked him to have coffee this afternoon, he had an idea of where they should go. It was located just at the edge of the town, before it went south. It was a hidden gem, it was never full of people. It was perfect. They were greeted by one of the staff mopping the black marble floor, gold veins stretched over it. The young man looked at the pair and for a second was in awe, but quickly regained composure and gave them a friendly smile. Steve smiled back, a silent thanks for giving them privacy.

“I never thought there’d be a day where we’d be inside a café,” he said with a light chuckle. Y/N smiled, and looked down, remembering the stories where all she ever drank was water and juice.

“My past self would be shocked,” she replied.

“What would you like?” Steve asked getting up from his chair to order.

“I’d like a hot latte, with a little bit of cinnamon sprinkled on top.” She intertwined her fingers, and rested her elbows on the round table.

“Coming right up,” Steve gave her a playful salute.

When he was gone, she stared at his gift. Why was there a need for this to be opened later? Why not now? She looked at Steve who’s standing by the counter the barista wide-eyed at the super soldier as she tapped in his order. When she’s moved to the sink to make the drinks, Steve looked back at the table, his eyes locking with Y/N. She flustered, having been caught gawking. He winked, and she shook her head, keeping a laugh in. Every time she looked at him, she was in search of that one thing. And every time he’d catch her looking, her heart would pound so fast, like it’s going to jump out of her chest. When he came back, a tray in hand, she asked him a question that almost had the staff needing to mop the floor again.

“Do you like dancing?”

“Uh w-well, I wasn’t really good at it.” His eyes round, looking at hers, what is it, Y/N?

“But do you like it?” his pulse quickened. Her voice was soft, like fingertips brushing a petal.

“Yes, I d-do,” he breathed, “especially when it’s with the right partner.”

Her eyes looked back into his, and for a moment they were in their own bubble. Steve waited for more, ask me more, Y/N.

“Will you take me dancing when the mission’s over?” he almost died, right then and there. This girl sitting across was the death of him. A sheepish smile cascaded all over his face, like little boy given the biggest present on Christmas morning.

“Of course, it w-would be a dream to.”

Y/N picked her mug and placed it close to her lips, hiding her joy behind it. Steve chewed a piece of his muffin to keep his mouth from smiling so much, but his eyes failed to hide it.

-

“All set and ready for lift off.” Y/N spoke on her lapel, her hands on the controls. Clint sat beside her, her co-pilot. Natasha has been laying low for now, and Y/N felt gloom when she found out she used to be the one who sat beside her. But she knew she was in pain, and maybe one day they can talk about it. For now, everyone was settling themselves on the quinjet. Tony has flown ahead, and when the perimeter has been cleared, they set off. It wasn’t long before they were hovering on top of the building, a huge industrial structure sitting in the middle of the forest. The vines dancing around the cement, greenery has blended into its cold façade.

“You ready?” she heard Scott ask Hope, as they both stood on the edge of the jet. She nodded and put on her helmet. Steve started another rundown of the plan to clear it before they engage.

“When you get Hank and Janet, Y/N will be ready to pick you up. Vision and I will retrieve the tech, the others will block the gates. The moment we’ve gotten that we all clear the building, before they could activate the double. Okay?” They nod and Y/N started her way to get everyone in their places. Steve looked at her before he jumped off. With one look they could already speak without words. She’d know that Steve wanted her to be safe and that she wanted him to be the same.

The moment she’s left by herself she was already anxious for the to get back. She watched as Bruce, Tony and Thor fought the soldiers from the outside. Clint was shooting arrows with finesse, his targets oblivious to the man in the trees. There she was with this four men in her view, with half of the team taking care of the dangers inside, the tall walls blocking her from them, making her more curious to what’s happening. She could only ever hear their voices on her earpiece, the commands they’re spewing out, and the corridors they’ve cleared. Everyone was moving so fast, but time felt like it was too slow.

“I’ve got Janet!” I hear Scott on the wire. “But Hank’s not here.”

“I see three men with the double, Hank’s not on this floor either.” Sam reported.

“We have five minutes ‘til they power up the decoy. Exit the building, take Janet to the quinjet.” Steve’s voice rung through the earpiece.

“Where are you going?” I hear Bucky.

“To get Hank.”

“I’m going with you,” Hope beeped in.

Y/N quickly flew the quinjet to the rooftop, where she saw a beautiful gray haired woman in Scott’s arms. The soldiers outside seem to be coming from different directions, but the team has been fighting them with ease. Three minutes, there still wasn’t any sign from Hope or Steve. Janet is worried sick about her daughter and her husband, whenever one of them is safe, two will always be in danger. Two, Tony has started flying around the perimeter, Bruce has held Bucky, keeping him from coming in the building when they’ve only had a few seconds left. Even though Bucky knew he wouldn’t get to help Steve in time, it was better than waiting. But Bruce knew better than to risk one more life. One, the three hasn’t still been heard of. Where could they be? Time was ticking, Janet looked like she was dying, Y/N’s hands was shaking, but she willed herself to be strong as she held them all up in the air. The ladder swinging idly. Thirty seconds, they heard Tony shout, Hank was on the rooftop, his arm draped around Hope as they trudged towards the quinjet.

“Where’s Steve?!” Bucky screamed.

“They were too many, I-I lost him ins-side,” Hope looked ashamed for getting out without him.

“Steve!” Tony called out, but static only replied.

“Come on, come on, come on.” Y/N whispered as she shook her head.

Nine seconds, eight, seven – Y/N’s heart was racing, she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t fathom losing another piece of her past.

“You have to speed off Y/N,” she heard Tony command. “The impact of the explosion is vertical, you have to get off the roof.”

“But, Steve-“

“I’ll get him,”

“Tony, I-“

“Go!” the force in his voice was frightening. Y/N flicked the switch and there they were lifting off the ground. The moment Clint sat beside her on the cockpit, she unbuckled her seat belt and ran behind to look at the structure, looking for any sign of Steve. Clint looked back at her, sorrow in his eyes. Three, two, one. Dust started spiraling out of the building, fire and smoke all together, concrete crumbling. And that’s when her breath paused for the longest time. Her eyes grew wide. In that moment, she saw the kid in her arms, the child she couldn’t save who was standing just five feet away from her. The dust floating in the wind, the cement pressing on her leg, the gravel scattered all around her; the red stain growing bigger on his polo. She was looking ahead, at the building that had just crumbled before her. She saw her body covered in ash, when she wiped it off there weren’t any. She remembered the hours she was stuck underneath, the child still in her arms, lifeless, and her eyes red from the endless streak of tears.

Her head felt like she hit a wall; she was seeing visions of Steve’s shield hit on Tony’s suit. The look on Steve’s face, his blue eyes pleading. Y/N put a palm on her head, where a scar has healed.

“Ah!” she screamed, stammering, Thor caught her. She felt blood streaming from her head but when she reached to touch it there was nothing.

“I h-hate how I-I still love you even though you’ve hurt me so much,” it echoed through her ears, suddenly it was all coming back to her. He was the one she told this to.

“Steve. It’s Steve. I love him, it’s him” she pulled herself away from Thor. “Let me out, I need to save him.” Clint looked on, not knowing what to do. The building’s already broken down, gray as covered the sky.  

“I know, Steve.” She blinked, her tears now coming rapidly, “I-I kn-know even if you can’t s-say it.”

“Clint, open the damn door.” She hissed, her head still aching.

“Y/N, it’s not safe out there,”

“Please,” she stared into Clint’s eyes. Without waiting for his reponse, she shot a shard of ice hitting the controls perfectly, the door opening, the wind rushing violently. She jumped off and her powers surged through her. She raised her arms in front and her feet landed on a mountain of ice, tall enough to touch the sky. She knew the risk of using too much of her powers, but she didn’t care. She slid faster than she’s ever did. Her heart was raising, “come on, Y/N.” she scolded herself for being too slow even when she’s almost as fast as Pietro ever was. Her tears froze and dropped heavy like bullets.

The moment her feet landed on the remnants of the building, her heart pounded harder. Where could he be? She ran all around, clenching her fists as a roar of wind made a path for her, clearing the stone and anything that could cover anything.

“Steve?!” she cried out. “Please! Come back to me, please.” Her last words, almost a whisper. She was whimpering, she didn’t want to lose hope even when the whole world would tell her to.

She saw something glimmer under the ashes, blue and red. Her breath hitched, it was his shield. “Steve!” she ran towards it, dug it out of the rubble and there he was. His face covered in black powder, his suit in muck. Her heart leaped out of her chest, she grabbed his body and hugged him tight, rocking him slowly. “Wake up, please wake up.”

She pulled his hand and put it on her cheek, “It’s me, Y/N. I remember you now. Please, come back to me.” Tears are falling on his suit like rain. “It’s me, Steve. Me.” She repeated her words as if her identity is the antidote to bring him back to life. She was losing hope. She put his body down, raised her hands as the gravel around him flew off, giving him space. She was desperate, she pressed on his chest and started pumping. Her hands were shaking, and she hated herself for being so feeble at a time like this. “Stay with me, I won’t ever forget you. I promise, just wake up.”

He eyes were still closed. She was panicking, her palms on his chest became fists. She was hitting him hard, desperate. “Steve!” she growled, “Don’t leave me My heart was only ever yours to break.” She was huffing. “Help!” she shouted into the distance, her fists hitting Steve’s chest. She hit him again, nothing; and again- nothing. And agai---.

He coughed, “Y/N,” the first words that escaped his lips. She pulled him close, his head on her chest, the sudden contact stunning Steve.

“Oh my god.” She breathed.

“I’m okay, don’t cry.” He spoke, his breath tickling her neck.

“I love you, Steve.” Steve couldn’t believe it. Was he dead? This was too good to be true.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.” A tear shed from his eye as he heard her say that. 

“I wished I could’ve done that sooner.”

“What?”

“Almost die.”

She hugged him closer, an audible squirm from her lips. Steve let out a laugh even when they’re covered in dirt, he was home. She was home.

“I still have a beautiful woman to take out dancing.”

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THE BLITZ.

A/N: hi, this note will be a little bit longer than i usually try for! first of all, sorry for the long wait for this part, it was just a bit harder to write and try to properly encompass all the right emotions. if you’re new to this fic, you can find part one here! there will be one more part to this series, and then i’m moving onto newer things. (i love trilogies)

i’d like to point out that i do not consider myself a master at history, so while i did do my research to be as accurate as possible, it might not ALL be correct. *now, i tried to capture some of the symptoms of mental illnesses in this fic, and though i don’t know if i’d say it’s triggering at any point, i would rather warn you guys just in case bc everyone has different triggers. i never specify which mental illnesses are being displayed though it can be assumed to be ptsd/depression. again, i’m not an expert at how mental illnesses can affect people, this is based off what i’ve searched up/what i’ve gone through.* 

lastly, i worked really hard on this fic, so i’d love to hear your feedback!! feel free to leave me any messages on what you thought, i would really appreciate it. i did go over and read it all again as i went along, so i would say it’s mostly edited, but i may have missed some things. okay, enough rambling! enjoy!!

WARNINGS: 12.1k words+, smut, a lot of angst, cussing, fluff, displays of the effects of mental illnesses 

PART 2.

November 1942, Birmingham.

Frantic voices and rushed footsteps flooded the sidewalks of Birmingham. Children held onto their mother’s hands while they were led through the panicked crowds. “Over here, miss!” One man urged a mother and her family to follow him into the underground cavern that would serve as protection for them during the airstrikes. This was routine, not new or sudden for the citizens of the city.

Y/N had just come back home from work, which had been a long and tedious day, when the warnings of an airstrike came. Of course, there had been warnings before, and she often found herself spending nights in bomb shelters with her heart thundering against her chest. So far, she had been lucky, as both her loved ones and her home had been safe. However, luck was not promised to remain for eternity, and she knew better than to be hopeful in times like these.

After grabbing the paper-plane necklace from her dresser, she had rushed out of her own apartment, only to follow the bustling crowds towards the designated bomb shelters. The first time, she had brought a blanket with her, but she now knew there was no chance of sleep when the threat of death loomed over her.

“Did you bring your book to read for us?” She overheard a mother ask Marc, an individual who did his best at comforting those in the shelter alongside him. He read to the children who paused their sniffling and crying to listen to the male entice them with a fairytale world. If she was being honest, his storytelling helped to put everyone at ease by allowing them to escape into an imaginary world, children or not.

“‘Course I did, lovey. I’ve got a bloody good one to read to them,” He assured her to which Y/N grinned at, taking her place by sitting in the corner. She had been here before, considering it was the closest bomb shelter to her home. Most of the people from her community utilized the shelter that the basement of this factory provided for them. Whereas a basement was secured to serve as an air raid shelter, it still did not guarantee ultimate protection.

She knew Harry disproved, considering he wrote to her often about purchasing one of the new shelters invented, such as the Anderson shelter, to share with other apartment dwellers. Though she promised to look into it, she never did. The basement was enough for her, and she had grown comfortable and more at ease with the company of those who came here with her.

It was silent for a while besides the occasional sniffling and prayers sounding throughout the room. Y/N held the necklace close to her chest as it made her feel closer to Harry. She remembered when he gave it to her, the night before he left. He told her when she felt panicked or anxious, to hold onto that necklace and remember he is always with her. In fact, he insisted she always wear it, so that she felt less alone, but she felt it was far too valuable to risk ever losing, thus she kept it in her dresser’s drawer.

Routine followed as it usually does with the dust from the ceiling falling onto the ground as the bombs hit the city, followed by more weeping and praying. Marc did his best to ease the nerves of the crowd by reading stories from his book of fables, though it was harder this time as the noises boomed above them.

Y/N knew it then, that this time routine had fallen short of offering full protection from the air strikes, and this time, she would experience loss. So, she held onto Harry’s necklace tighter, hoping it would at least provide her and the rest of the people shoved into this basement protection from the death those bombs promised.

A few gasped and some shrieked as the noises came closer and boomed more heavily than before. Even Y/N had put her hands over her ears, eyes squeezing shut as she attempted to drown out both the noises and negative thoughts circling through her mind. Tears began to form, but she remembered her promise to Harry, to be strong for him.

So, she collected her breath and opened her eyes to see a small girl trembling beside her. Lips curving into a frown, she slid her hand down to reach the girl’s and clutched it in her own. “It’s gonna be alright,” She promised her, giving her hand a gentle squeeze as the girl whimpered and curled into Y/N’S touch. Her heart ached at that, wondering where her parents or loved ones were, but she didn’t dare ask. She only provided comfort.

Her own hand clutched the necklace tighter before presenting it to the little girl. “See this?” She asked her softly, looking down at her with a small smile. “An angel gave it to me before he left. Y’know what he left for, hm?” The little girl shook her head in response to which Y/N grinned softly at.

“He left to protect us, and he wouldn’t let anything harm us, ever. So, don’t worry a single bit, because we have angels on our side,” Y/N comforted her, her thumb running over the back of the girl’s hand as she felt her relax slightly. “Try getting some rest, yeah? I’ll be right here to make sure the angel does his job, okay?”

The child nodded hesitantly, and Y/N knew it would be hard for her to actually be able to sleep, but it was worth a shot. After all, the poor girl looked exhausted and frightened beyond belief. Allowing the girl to rest her head on her lap, she ran her fingers through her hair soothingly and rested her own head back on the shaking wall behind her.

Eyes falling shut, she attempted to focus on the readings of Marc while the sounds of warfare and tragedy continued on above them. Her thumb ran over the pendant of the necklace as she drowned out the reality around her by singling her thoughts to a particular, green-eyed angel.

April 1943, Birmingham.

Today was a great day. No, that would be an understatement. It was a day that Y/N would never, ever forget. However, it proved to come along with its own obstacles, as well, considering she was running late on her way to the train station.

When she received the letter from Harry that he was coming home on this day, her heart skipped a beat. She wasn’t sure if she was reading the letter properly or if she was merely dreaming. She cried that night, happy tears because after being apart from him for almost four years, they were to reunite. Though they had not seen each other and only communicated through the occasional letters, her love for him had never wavered, and she knew, ever since the night they met, that he would be the one for her.

Waking up in the morning to realize the day she had been dreaming of had finally come was an indescribable feeling. Though, she had to wait till 4 pm, and she currently was rushing out of her office building at 3:45 pm.

Her job had grown more and more important to her over the course of the few years. The boss, who she had worked directly under in 1940, was soon drafted for the war movement, and with a lack of workers to support his family business, he appointed Y/N to oversee how it was ran. Receiving that news was a prideful moment for her, considering all she had ever wanted was to run her own business and have an important role in society.

She was damn good at it, too. Not only did she keep Mr. Porter’s family business running, but she actually managed to increase his profits by gaining more business through several advertising efforts. Of course, she did so through the help of other women who participated actively in promoting the company. It was women who revived his business, and she would not let that ever be forgotten.

That didn’t mean no men worked there, either. In fact, there were quite a few who surely did their effort in helping the business, but they did so with spiteful remarks and dismay that they were working under a woman. Y/N paid no attention to their ignorance, though, knowing that both her work ethic and success was something they could never grasp in their tiny minds. If Harry were there, he would poke fun at their fragile masculinity being insulted by a woman’s success.

So, being the boss of men did come with its downsides, such as a lack of obedience on their part. Raised in a society where women were seen as inferior, it was very difficult for them to recognize that being employed by a woman is no different than being employed by a man. However, this is how she ended up stuck at work for much longer than she expected, considering Johnny had decided going out for drinks was more important than filling out some expense reports.

The family business she was looking over specialized in clothing for both women and men. With many other clothing stores and companies, ones far bigger than Mr. Porter’s, it grew difficult to find a way to really stand out. However, Y/N found a way through making the company’s relationships with clients more personal through custom designs. Moreso, she found a way to lower prices without having to let go of workers or to lose profit. Lower prices was quite a seller in wartimes.

“Cathy, I just finished the reports, please send them out for me!” She had hurriedly exclaimed as she grabbed her coat and threw it around her shoulders, frantically rushing out of the building.

“Our own ‘boss’ leaves early, how’s that fair?” Johnny scoffed, shaking his head.

“Oh, shut up, Johnny,” Cathy rolled her eyes.

The train station, luckily, wasn’t too far away. Y/N couldn’t drive though, considering she lacked a license and a car, so she was forced to sprint there since no cabs were in sight. In fact, the station was only a few minutes away from her apartment, well their apartment.

After the bombing that night, when she had comforted a little girl without being able to ease her own nerves, Y/N unfortunately found out that her apartment building was torn down. It was a devastating time, considering most of her possessions were long gone. She sought help through some donation centers that were generous enough to offer her spare clothing.

Even worse, though, Harry’s flat was destroyed, too. She had frantically written him a letter, apologizing for giving him such troubling news while he was already struggling to survive. For a few weeks Y/N lived in the apartment of Tom, her grandfather. He lived right above his bakery, so waking up to the aroma of bread in the oven wasn’t something she would complain about. However, she received a letter from Harry soon after, stating that she should find a new place for them to live together. Even when Harry wasn’t there, he managed to make her the happiest girl alive, and to know he had plans to live with her after the war was over made her giddy.

So, she had apartment searched, and finally found a flat that was perfect for them. An additional benefit was that it was only across the street from the bar they had met at, the Interlude. However, as she was passing by the bar right now, she noticed how the Interlude sign was barely hanging on, and the letters had started to rust. It looked like the physical representation of war, still surviving but hardly so.

Out of breath and panting, her heels clicked on the floor as she finally made it to the designated train station. Her eyes roamed over the crowds of people reuniting with their loved ones, happy tears and sobs coursing throughout the setting. But, she couldn’t spot her love. “Harry!” She called out, voice shaky as she looked around for him.

Harry was beginning to give up hope. He had arrived at the train station, groggy yet anxious. It had been about ten minutes since he got there, and he was starting to think that perhaps, Y/N had forgotten about him. He was rather paranoid about it throughout the war. Of course, she wrote to him, but whose to say that she didn’t do it out of pity and had actually found a new lover, but was waiting to tell him the news so he wouldn’t get discouraged while in battle?

Pulling the duffel bag over his shoulder, his eyes squeezed shut, trying to fight away the hurt that was building up inside him as he was beginning to confirm his paranoia. That was until he heard the faint call of his name. Now, he knew her voice, he had it memorized in his mind. When he laid in a cot or on the dirt during the war, he would often imagine her speaking to him, consoling him and murmuring sweet nothings into his ear.

Then, he saw her. She looked different, a bit older and exhausted, but still held that same fiery innocence within her. She looked as if she had been through hell but was still fighting through, pushing forward with the strength buried inside her. After imagining how this day would be like for years, this seceded all his expectations. She looked like a bloody angel, here to finally rescue him from the atrocities he had witnessed and been part of.

“(Y/N),” He croaked out, his own voice trembling as she turned around, her eyes catching his in a startled expression. Her nose scrunched up, eyes filling with water as her mouth fell open at the sight of him, her Harry.

She ran to him, arms spread out as she launched herself onto his body, her arms looping around his neck and ankles crossing behind his back. His arms hastily wrapped around her waist, stumbling back slightly but burying his face into her neck. Both of them released the tears that threatened to spill out.

“Oh my god, you’re here, you’re actually here,” She whispered to herself as if it weren’t true, her hands lifting his face to cup in her own palms. Her eyes searched his before she pressed kisses all over his face, not realizing just how much she missed the touch of his skin until she felt it again. “I can’t believe you’re here,” She sobbed, smiling widely.

He looked like her Harry, green-eyed and curly-haired, but he looked like a different version of himself. He was tired, anyone could tell that, and he was in pain. His eyes held untold stories, ones he probably would never have the heart to tell or even revisit. His sad smile spoke volumes of the battles he went through, and she wanted to cure him of all his hurt and suffering.

“‘M here, can’t believe I’m holdin’ yeh’ in my arms again,” He murmured back, looking down at her with his own goofy grin. They both smiled at each other, forgetting about the world surrounding them, before leaning in close and connecting their lips for the first time in almost four years. Every single ounce of emotion was poured into that kiss, their angst, their nostalgia, their love, their shock, their passion, and their joy. Neither of them dared to end the kiss until they were out of breath, so as not to miss a moment of each other ever again.

“I missed yeh’ so bloody much,” He told her, leaving kisses on the corner of her lips as he held her tighter to his body. He had always imagined holding her close to him again as he laid down to sleep, but was unable to. He thought about her body strewn over his, her fingers lazily tracing patterns on his chest. She was what kept him going, kept him pushing through all the death and blood around him.

“I missed you more than anything, H, I can’t even begin to explain to you how much I missed you. I’m so glad you’re here and you’re okay,” She responded softly, hugging him once more as she pushed her face into the crook of his neck and held onto him tightly. “I love you.”

He breathed out, tears threatening to resurface as he was reminded of how much he had missed this, missed all of this for so goddamn long so that he could be a killer. “I love yeh’ more, petal,” He told her firmly, his hand reaching up to tangle itself in her hair, stroking it. She still felt as soft as ever. That, at least, had not changed.

— —— — —

The entire walk back was filled with giggling and wide smiles that seemed unable to be wiped off either of their faces. They appeared just as in love with each other as they had been four years ago, and to bystanders, a certain radiation glowed off of them.

“Oh! I should be carrying your bags for you, give me that,” Y/N insisted as they stopped in front of the new apartment building, Harry’s eyes taking in the scenery.

“None o’that, ‘ve got it,” He waved her off with a roll of his eyes, but she reached out to grab it from him anyways, yanking it out of his grip. His brow rose challengingly, before he mumbled an, “Alright.” Then, he stepped forward, gripping her waist.

“Harry! What are you-“ She began to say as he picked her off her feet and threw her over his shoulder, her head dangling by his back as a surprised shriek passed her lips.

“Guess I’ll have to carry yeh, then,” He cheekily explained to her, chuckling under his breath as he felt her small fists hit his back in response.

“You’re ridiculous, H,” She scolded him, though the smile could be heard from her tone, and her heart was full of only love for him. So, she hung over his shoulder, holding his duffel bag in one enclosed fist.

He managed to open the front doors of the building, much to her surprise, because the Harry she knew had awful coordination skills. Y/N gave a sheepish grin and waved her hands at the other apartment residents that were lounging in the lobby. Luckily, there was an elevator, and Y/N thought he would finally put her down, but he insisted on carrying her all the way to their flat.

It only made matters worse that Melinda, Y/N’s neighbor from across the hall, was opening her front door to enter her apartment, the same exact time that the pair of them arrived at their own loft. Melinda awas a rather judgmental lady who had come from an older generation. It was easy to say that she was rather displeased with Y/N’s choice of attire or her stumbling home, comapletely wasted, after a long night. So, it probably didn’t help that she saw Y/N slung over some stranger’s shoulder with her dress hitching up her thighs and showing far too much skin than Melinda would’ve liked.

“Hi, miss!” Y/N still attempted at greeting her politely, giving her a small wave, to which Melinda merely huffed and scoffed at before rolling her eyes and storming out of her apartment, mumbling something about what the youth was like these days.

“Thanks a lot, H, she already hates me,” Y/N groaned, only met with his chuckles in response.

“How can anyone hate yeh’ with such a cute bum?” He teased, giving her ass a small pat to which she gasped loudly at.

“Harry! We’re in the hallway!”

“We don’t have to be if yeh’ opened this door up.”

“You gonna put me down then?”

“No.”

She sighed, before tugging her cross-body purse closer to her reach and digging out the key. “Here, love,” She told him, blindly reaching her hand back towards him to pass the key over. He took it graciously and with some trouble, he managed to unlock the front door (though after a few curse words were dropped).

“Watch your head, doll,” He warned her as she ducked down lower once he entered the loft, taking it in for the first time ever. He adored the place already, and her aroma lingered throughout the apartment. Harry would easily be able to tell that it was decorated by Y/N from the little plants that accompanied every window, and the blanket strewn over the couch, which Harry knew she always used while watching her favorite shows.

He could smell the freshly baked cookies, and it tugged at his heart because he knew she baked them specifically for him, remembering the time she had brought him chocolate chip cookies when they had gotten into a terrible argument. He was never able to stay mad at her for long, but her chocolate chip cookies were enough to cure anyone’s anger.

Kicking the front door shut with his heel, he finally decided to give her a break and allow her to stand on her own two feet. “I like what yeh’ve done to the place,” He remarked softly, her lips twisting in a grin. “Alright, down yeh’ go.”

His hands gripped her waist tightly as he began to lower her down to the floor. Her own hands slipped to hold onto his shoulders, in order to not lose her balance. He paused, though, once their faces were leveled to each other. Her feet dangled right above the floor, and for a moment, she finally realized what it was like to be at Harry’s height.

Not a word was spoken as they gazed into each other’s eyes, memorizing the exact color spectrum of their hues that were filled with love and compassion. His arms moved to encircle around her waist, clutching her to his body with their chests pressed against each other tightly. Eyes searching one another, they gave into their deepest, animalistic desires and soon their lips were engaged in a passionate kiss.

The electricity of the kiss spread throughout either of them like a wildfire, setting their insides to flames— the damages to be dealt with once the chaos was over. Her arms looped around his neck loosely, moaning softly into the kiss as she felt him press against her, grinding his hips onto hers. He groaned against her lips once he heard that soft moan pass from her flushed assets, forgetting how much he loved to hear the results of pleasuring her.

Their kiss felt like a battle in the war itself, both of them fighting to take control as to where the kiss was leading to. They were fighting to keep this feeling alive and to never lose it again. Their anger for the war, for society, and for the whole bloody situation was poured into the mere touch of their lips against one another. His teeth nibbled on her bottom lip as she parted her lips for him, his tongue poking in before he pulled away, both of them panting. Moving her head up, she captured his nose in an open-mouthed kiss, dragging her bottom lip along the flesh.

“Where’s the bedroom?” He whispered out hoarsely, his tone low and full of lust.

“Straight then take a left,” She rushed out hastily, already longing for the touch of his lips against hers once more. He followed her directions within a few seconds, her ankles locking behind his back once more as she held onto him tightly.

He maneuvered his way through the apartment while she planted kisses along his face— all over his face, actually. His features were covered in her pecks as her hands moved to cup his face in her small palms. “Missed your cute nose,” She murmured, pressing a kiss there.

He chuckled lowly, throwing open the door of their bedroom and taking a quick look around. “Like the curtains,” He admitted to her, glancing there as she left small, gentle bites along his jawline and down his neck.

“Thank you, I thought you’d like the floral pattern, too,” She told him in between kisses, squealing as her body was thrown onto the bed. Looking up at him, she sat back on her elbows.

“Think it’s time to finally break our bed in, hm?” He cheekily asked her, her own nod being enough for him to hastily peel off his shirt. She worked at unbuttoning the top of her dress, letting the polka-dot fabric slide off her shoulders before lifting her hips and throwing the dress to the side.

His hands unbuckled his belt, shoving his trousers down. “Take everything off, I can’t wait, ’s been too long. Just wanna feel inside of yeh’ already,” He demanded, his eyes moving from her face to her figure as he cursed under his breath. It had been so long since he had been touched, since he had felt her, that he could already reach his release right now.

And, she felt the same as she watched him stand in only his boxers. His body was definitely more toned than when she had first met him. Of course, Harry had always kept up a nice figure, considering factory labor did require such physical work. But, his muscles were more defined than ever, and she noticed a few scars lingering on his side. She unclasped her bra, setting it to the side before tugging down her underwear, the same time he took off his boxers.

A silence lapsed over them once more, both of them memorizing each other’s bodies and comparing it to four years ago. They both felt a sense of insecurity, unsure if their dreams and fantasies of this moment would be fulfilling enough in reality. But, when Y/N reached out for his hand, and his palm slid into hers, it was an undeclared statement that this moment was perfect already, just because it was actually happening.

She gave him a gentle tug onto the bed, and he hovered over her with either hand on either side of her face. Staring down at her, he leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her lips before lining his cock up to her entrance. She mewled out as he began to push inside her, it being so long since she had felt him, or anyone, inside of her.

Head thrown back, her eyes squeezed shut, an overwhelming sensation of pleasure washing over her. He gave her a few moments to adjust along with for himself, too, in order to compose himself and resist the urge to cum right now. “Fuck, yeh’ alright, baby?” He asked her lowly, his forehead resting against hers as he waited for her response.

“Mm, I forgot what it feels like,” She replied with a soft laugh, her eyes creaking open to peer into his before a soft smile pressed on her lips. “Missed it so much.”

“Bet yeh’ did, dirty minx that yeh’ are,” Harry muttered back, the both of them laughing as he continued to push inside her, pulling his hips back to thrust slowly as she moaned out. His groans met her soft whimpers and whines as he continued his deep, slow thrusting. When her eyes fluttered shut again, his brows furrowed, shaking his head and moving a hand to cup her chin in his palm. “Open your eyes, want yeh’ to look at me when yeh’ cum.”

She nodded slowly, forcing her eyes to remain open, even when his cock hit that one particular spot that had her back arching and her hips bucking. It didn’t take long for either of them to reach their climax, considering it had been forever since they had had sex. Pleasing yourself with your own hand was efficient, but it wasn’t nearly as amazing as this. And when they came, their eye contact never broke, both of them murmuring their soft, “I love you.” He even had to wipe away her tears during it, although she couldn’t help it. It was an overwhelming amount of emotion to have Harry back at all, let alone inside of her.

And, although the first time of the night was gentle, he didn’t hold back on her for too long. The both of them went after each other again and again— with Harry between her thighs, or Y/N with her pretty, little mouth wide open— until they were both far too exhausted to even think about cumming once more.

She left him laying on bed, chest covered in a thin layer of sweat as he shut his eyes to regain his composure. Y/N had babbled something about fetching them both some water before they go to bed, but Harry had already dozed off by the end of her sentence, falling into a rather fast slumber.

Y/N didn’t have the heart in her to wake him up when he looked so peaceful, so she downed her glass of water before going back into bed and snuggling into him, a leg thrown around his waist. It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep, either.

However, both of their sleep was soon interrupted.

Gunshots sounded around him. Airplanes flew over them, bombs dropping from the aircrafts and collapsing onto the very ground that innocent civilians once lived on. Blood soaked through his uniform as he clutched his side with one hand, his other hand clasping the palm of James in his own.

James had been his first friend, considering they met each other at training. They bonded well, both having a quick wit and a rather cheeky sense of humor. It was pure luck that they were sent off to the same station, and Harry had quickly grown a liking for the blonde-haired male.

That was his first mistake— growing attached to anybody he met in the army, and he would now learn to never make that mistake again. James was his last piece of England, the reminder of home, a home that came along with his sweet Y/N.

Now, his reminder lay on the dirt beneath them with blood seeping through the bullet-wounded embedded in his chest. His lips were parted as he wheezed heavily, trying to capture another breath though it was fleeting away from him quicker and quicker.

“Gonna be alright, okay? Just hold on fo’ a mo’, and a medic will be here, alright?” Harry encouraged him, rocking back and forth on his heels as tears slid down his cheeks, covered in dry blood and mud.

James didn’t have the strength within him to respond, to mumble that it was time to let go. Instead, his pale, blue eyes stared up at the sky, and his chest heaved with each last breath he took.

“Please, gotta stay wit’ me. Can’t do this without yeh’, yeh’ know I can’t,” He murmured lowly, his bottom lip trembling as he attempted to stifle the sobs that were rising in his throat.

But, James’s fingers went limp in his grasp, and Harry recognized the way his eyes wouldn’t flutter any longer, instead peering up eternally into the vast openness of the sky above them. The very sky that taunted them with the idea of an escape, but never provided them with the means to get there.

Sobs wracked throughout his body as he realized he had lost his dear friend, had seen him die right before his very eyes. And, he couldn’t feel any anger or desire for revenge. He knew his captain would use James’s death as motivation to avenge him by killing enemy soldiers.

But, all Harry could think about was the fact that perhaps he had taken the life of someone else’s friend, too.

Y/N shook Harry awake, his lips parting in a loud gasp as he sat up hastily, trembling. She had awoken to his repeated mumbles of, “Stay with me, please.” It wasn’t until she felt his body shaking beside her that she had the urge to pull him out of the nightmare he had sunken into.

“Harry, baby, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” She whispered to him, her eyes clouded with worry as she reached out for him, but he flinched away, not fully recuperated from his nightmare.

His breaths came out in short pants, chest moving up and down heavily, as tears continued to slide down his pale cheeks. Then, it pieced together in his mind— the fact that it was a nightmare of what had occurred to him. And when that settled in his mind, he sobbed harder than before, curling forward into his body as he hid his face in his palms.

Though, Y/N was concerned he would refuse her touch once more, she hated to see him like this, all alone and suffering. So, she reached out for him again, this time surprised he let her arms slide around him. Pulling him into her chest, she sat up against the headboard, clutching his body to her own. Pushing his head into the crook of her neck, she allowed his tears to dampen her skin as she ran her fingers through his sweaty curls.

“Shh, it’s alright, H. You’re safe now, you’re home,” She murmured to him reassuringly, pressing small kisses to his temple. She continued to soothingly run her fingers through his hair, or to rub his arm up and down, until his cries finally quieted down and silence loomed over them.

Although, it was true that Harry was safe now— he was far from being home.

— — — — —

Being back at home with Y/N was a product of heaven. On the other hand, though, Harry was questioning whether a heaven existed anymore. After taking part of the cruelties of war and witnessing it, it was hard for him to establish faith in an afterlife.

He was trying, though, to move on from it and to become an active part of Y/N’s life again. It had been four weeks since his return. Those four weeks seemed even longer than his time spent in war with each minute dragging on as he recalled memory after memory of the bloodshed that stained his boots.

He attempted to put on a front that he was alright, offering Y/N the widest of grins whenever she asked if he was truly fine. Of course, she knew he wasn’t, he was rather easy to read. However, she was troubled with figuring out how to help him.

His nightmares had progressively worsened over the weeks, too. It was safe to say that his state of mind was rather unstable, but he was acting as if that just was not the case. It is questionable whether he acted that way for the protection of Y/N or for himself.

Harry was in bed, the blankets pulled around his body to keep him warm as he nuzzled his head further into the pillow that smelled faintly of Y/N. He had lost track of what time it was, but from the ruffled sheets on the right side of him, he knew that his love was no longer home. She had been providing for the both of them, her work covering the costs of what it would take to take care of two. It wasn’t like she minded, whatsoever, as she thought the proposed gender roles of society were unfair.

Sighing, his eyes creaked open to spot the sunlight already pouring through the windows and brightening the room. His lips turned downwards into a frown. He distinctly remembered telling Y/N to keep the curtains closed when she left for work. He disliked waking up to such light in the room and much preferred the darkness that enveloped their surroundings.

Sitting up, he leaned back against the headboard, his head tilting upwards as eyes fluttered shut. He was still exhausted, and he didn’t feel like doing much today. Today would be a relaxing day for him, he decided. Just like yesterday. Maybe, even just like the day before that. He had had a series of relaxing days, recently.

The sudden sound of a loud crash had his eyes opened wide. His muscles tensed, back straightening as the loud clatter sent him through a wave of alarm.

The tray crashed onto the floor as the frantic nurse rushed to his side, eyes blown wide.

“Abigail, pick that up! Regain yourself,” The doctor sternly directed her before returning his gaze to the emerald-hued male that laid on the cot.

He didn’t appear as a man in this very moment, but rather back to his younger roots, reflecting the composure of a mere boy, entirely innocent. Blood seeped out from his lower abdomen, tainting his skin with the color of red.

The nurse, with shaky hands, picked up the tray and hurried over to the bedside. She knew she should be prepared for this, should’ve known what was going to come out of battles and war, in general. But, when she had seen his body being carried in, skin pale as snow and eyes both droopy and exhausted, she had panicked. When she saw the blood pouring from his wound, his hand clutching it as labored breaths escaped his lips, a wave of anxiety rushed over her.

“H-here,” Abigail murmured in a trembling voice, the tray being placed beside the doctor as he removed the pressure he was pressing onto the wound. Her blue hues shot towards Harry’s green orbs, trying to gauge out his emotions through his eyes. His green orbs peered into her own, pain filling them as the doctor began to stitch it up.

He let out a loud groan, head thrown back and banging against the bed as his hands curled into fists. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Commotion surrounded them as more bodies were brought in, dead or alive. Blood stained the floors, and the aroma of the room set the scene with tragedy. As Harry felt another incision press into his body, a loud scream fell from his lips, eyes squeezing shut until his vision blurred out entirely and his body slipped into unconsciousness.

A thin layer of sweat was beginning to form on his body, his hands curled into fists by his side. Green eyes darted around the room, trying to find the source of the sound. He was the only one there, though. So, what could it have been?

Stepping out of his bed hesitantly, his jaw clenched as he reached for a nearby object, settling on the book that Y/N was currently reading. Holding it tightly in his palm, he kept it raised slightly, in case he had to whack an intruder with it.

Feet moving him slowly towards the noise of the commotion, his breaths became more raggedy as reality blurred with his memories of war. For a split second, he felt like he was back in the cot, thrashing and squirming as his wound was tended for. Shaking his head, he shut his eyes before reopening them, the scene filtering back to the apartment he shared with Y/N.

Confusion settled throughout him, trying to decipher which moment was the present and which was the past. Stumbling on his feet, his chest rose and fell with heavier breaths, panic settling throughout him. Was he imagining being with Y/N? Was he still in war? Maybe, he was still lying on the cot. Maybe, he had never woken up, still blacked out on the bed he bled on.

Lump growing in his throat, he sauntered into the kitchen, eyes blown wide and wild like an animal.

“Oh, Harry! You’re up,” Y/N exclaimed cheerfully as she turned over her shoulder from her spot near the stove, shooting him a fond smile.

His panic settled down when he heard her voice, blinking a few times to regain himself.

Once he realized that he was, in fact, in the comfort of his own apartment, he set down the book a bit lower. Y/N noticed the object in his hands, brow arching as she gazed at him curiously. “What do you have that for?”

“You…” Harry trailed off, brows furrowing in confusion. When had she gotten home? Why hadn’t she greeted him before beginning to cook? He felt ridiculous for his entire panicked state a few moments earlier, thinking he was back in war. “What was tha' noise?” He settled on asking, confusion laced in his tone as he ran a hand through his hair, eyes still darting around cautiously.

“You okay, bubba? Look a bit lost…” Y/N frowned before pointing to the pot on the stove. “I was trying to get it out of the cabinet and dropped it.”

“Yeh’ were awfully loud,” He told her, his jaw set as he stared at her with a bit of a harder gaze. His frustration at himself for being so foolish was now unleashing on her. He felt frustrated with her for not being more careful, even though she had always been klutzy like this, since the day they had met. “Can’t go around dropping things all the time.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Is that what woke you?”

“Why didn’t you come wake me when yeh’ got home? Yeh’ startled me,” He continued to scold her, leaning back against the counter as he attempted to get himself to relax. The faint noise of gunshots was still ringing through his ears, and he had to try hard to concentrate on her voice to erase the memories.

Y/N furrowed her own brows at his harsh, accusing tone and his composure. Sighing softly, she decided to let him be moody with her. In fact, she had been letting him get away with a lot, lately.

For the past four weeks, Harry had been burrowing himself deeper into the covers of their bed rather than getting out of it. She knew something was wrong with him, and he refused to get help for it, which troubled her. How could he fix himself if he wasn’t willing to accept there was something worth fixing? Instead, he acted as if he was alright, which was absolutely ridiculous to her, because nobody was expecting him to be fine after the atrocities he witnessed.

“Sorry, H. You didn’t do much the other times I would wake you up, so I didn’t see the point,” She responded with a shrug, turning back around to stir the pasta she had began cooking.

He scoffed at that, rolling his eyes. “Oh, m’sorry I’ve been tryin’ to catch up on my rest after hardly having any for the past few years,” He huffed out, tone dropping to a lower, quieter tone. “Some of us haven’t had the luxury of a bed, yeh’ know?”

Y/N shut her eyes, taking in a deep breath before exhaling slowly. She had to be patient. He was just frustrated, for whatever reason, and taking it out on her. Although he had been an awful amount of dismissive and defensive lately, she knew her sweet Harry still lay within. He just had to be reasoned with, not treated like a burden.

“Never said you couldn’t sleep, Harry, just was explaining why I didn’t want to wake you. I’m sorry for being loud, okay?” She breathed out, tone a bit sharper as she attempted to gain control of the situation before it spiraled into something bigger than it had to be.

When he didn’t respond for a few minutes, she sighed and turned to look back at him. “Now that you’re up though, maybe we can talk about your plans, yeah? I know you said you don’t want to work right now, and I’m perfectly capable of providing for the both of us, so don’t take this the wrong way, but… I think you should look into a job. Not for the money, but for you. So, you can have something to do all day while I’m gone. It might keep you distracted from your thoughts and help you move on from everything,” She rambled on, a bit nervous to how he would react as she shifted on her feet and bit down on her bottom lip.

He eyed her, his orbs unreadable as he considered her words before shaking his head slowly. Even the thought of facing the outside world just felt exhausting to him. There was no motivation in his bones pushing him to strive for that, connection with the world surrounding him. Instead, he felt like simply lounging in bed, hidden from society by the sheets that covered his body.

“Dunno’ if m’ready fo’ that quite yet,” He hesitantly replied, giving her a small shrug as he looked down at his feet. “Think I need to be at home fo’ a bit longer.”

She swallowed, nodding slowly along with his words. Sending him a tight-lipped smile, she responded, “It’s your choice, H. I’m not going to force you do anything, just thought it might help your mental state, which reminds me… I was talking to a friend at work, Amanda. She has a brother who was in the war, too. She told me he was also suffering from nightmares and random panic attacks in the middle of the day. But, they got him a psychiatrist to see, and he’s been doing a lot better—“

She was about to continue when he cut her off, “Also? What do you mean also? Have yeh’ talked to her about my problems?”

Her lips parted before closing, attempting to think of a smart response. “Well… I was just worried about you, bubba. There’s only so much I can do to help, and I wanted to see what other options we had.”

He breathed out an annoyed sigh, pinching the bridge of his noise. “S’not your business to tell anyone. S’private fo’ me and yeh’ to know only,” Harry murmured, his tone irritated as he stared at her with disappointment.

Y/N shifted under his gaze, clearing her throat and looking down at her feet. “Okay.. I’m sorry, I won’t do it agian. Just still think you should consider seeing so—“

“I’m fine, (Y/N). I just need some time, alright? I’ll be in bed if yeh’ need me. Try not to be loud, please,” Harry dismissed her, turning on his heels and walking out of the kitchen before she had a chance to reply.

She stared at his retreating figure with a longing gaze, wondering where her Harry had gone and just what she could do to get him back to her.

— — — — —

That same night, after Y/N had eaten her dish of pasta, she had laid in bed with him. He was already asleep, and after how mad he had been before, she didn’t want to wake him up— especially if it was just because she wanted his arm secured around her waist.

So, she slept with no cuddles. However, it was the same routine as most nights. He woke up at about 3 a.m. with sweat layering his skin and gasps heaving passed his lips. Within moments, Y/N had dashed out of bed to grab the glass of chilled water he would enjoy to help relieve his panicked state of mind.

Her hand was rubbing soothing circles on his back, looking at him with worried eyes. “You okay, baby?” She whispered softly, resting her head on his shoulder gently as she peered up at him. His eyes were still squeezed shut as if attempting to force out a bad memory from resurfacing into his mind.

“Mm,” He merely hummed out, head leaning upwards against the headboard.

“You can talk to me about them, you know? Maybe getting it off your chest will make you feel better,” She offered, just like she did every night. But, she held onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, this night would be different.

Maybe, this night he wouldn’t just wave her off. He would dive into the thoughts that tortured his mind and allow her access to his vulnerability, in order for her to understand the pain he was going through properly. However, their communication had been severely lacking, and she was entirely left in the dark.

When he didn’t reply, she continued on, “Opening up about it might make it easier to cope, yeah? I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on in your mi—“

“S’fine, (Y/N). M’just going to go back to sleep,” Harry mumbled tiredly, setting the glass of water on the nightstand beside him. He shifted back onto his side, laying down with his back turned to her. “Goodnight.”

She let out a low sigh, tears beginning to form in her eyes at how easily he dismissed her. The distance was killing her. Even laying beside him in bed, she felt so far away from him. He was out of her reach, in a different land where she couldn’t steal him back from or offer him an escape route from.

“Yeah, goodnight, bubba,” She murmured sadly, a frown forming on her lips as she laid back down, her eyes never shutting.

Perhaps, it would not have even mattered if she had woken him up for cuddles. Even when he was awake, he didn’t bother to wrap his arm around her tightly. Instead, their bodies remained on their sides of the bed, separated and barely grazing one another.

— — — — —

The next week had been the same. Harry would promise her everyday that the next one would be different, and that he would get out of bed. Maybe, he would even go for a nice walk, he insisted. She had only tried once more to mention seeing someone, a professional, and when he had snapped at her in a louder tone than beforehand, she stopped.

Secretly, she hoped he would realize it on his own. It would save her the difficulty of having to have an argument with Harry over what’s best for him. For Y/N, though, her morning routine was rather typical.

She would wake up at around 8 a.m., being careful to step out of bed quietly, so not as to disturb him. In fact, she had to walk with one hand reaching out before her, to feel for her surroundings. Harry hated when she opened the curtains before he awoke. She forgot why, but it was something about how the light was too bright for him when his eyes first crack open.

Though, she didn’t bother to argue about it. He was difficult enough to deal with right now, considering all he did was sleep or dismiss her. So, she just agreed to his terms and instead blindly stumbled about the room, being careful not to bump into anything. In fact, she had gotten rather good at it with all the practice these past few weeks.

As she buttoned up her blouse, she leaned down to press a small kiss to Harry’s check, smiling sadly down at his slumbering figure. “See you soon, H,” She whispered, pulling away slowly, but it wouldn’t have mattered what she said. He didn’t stir a bit, instead resting peacefully after another long night of thrashing in bed, only to wake up in a terror.

Grabbing her bag, she slung it over her shoulder and tiptoed out of the room, shutting the bedroom door behind her. She wasn’t that hungry today, and quite frankly, she had been afraid to cook while Harry was asleep, because he got upset if she was too loud. Instead, she grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl, taking a bite out of it before exiting their flat.

The streets were still filled with the aftermath of buildings collapsing. Some parts of the pavement were cracked, and other parts were untouched. Y/N gave a wave to Melinda as she spotted her across the street. Sighing softly, she frowned as Melinda only scoffed before turning her head the other way. She would never understood what problem that woman had with her. Shrugging it off, she continued her way to work, which wasn’t too far of a walk.

Opening the front doors, she stepped inside, the warmth surrounding her as a fond smile pressed on her lips. Unlike others, Y/N truly adored her job, and she wouldn’t miss a day of it. “Hi, Cathy,” She greeted the female with a soft nod of her head.

However, she was met with wide eyes and a scared expression from the girl which made her brows furrow. “(Y/N), thank God, you’re here! M—“ Cathy began to explain her worries, before a voice cut them off.

“Ms. (Y/L/N), it’s good to see you,” The familiar voice interrupted, making Y/N turn around with a confused expression. All of her questions were answered in a split second as the face registered in her mind. Mr. Porter had returned from war.

Eyes widening, she blinked rapidly as if the sight in front of her weren’t true. “Oh my… Mr. Porter! You’re back, I-I had no idea, wow. It’s amazing to see you here.. are you.. how has everything been.. are you fine?” Y/N stumbled over her words, hurriedly rushing over to him with a hand extended, his own sliding into hers to give it a firm shake.

He sent her a warm smile, chuckling lowly at her stuttering before nodding. “Yes, came back a week ago. M’alright. Thought I should spend some time with the family before I returned, but I missed this place. I wanted to come back as soon as I could,” He explained.

“Well, of course.”

“Why don’t you step into my office?” Mr. Porter suggested, gesturing to the same room which Y/N had referred to as her office. Her heart dropped at that, not liking the idea of giving up her dream so hastily. Swallowing, she sent him a forced smile before stepping inside the office.

“Take a seat, miss.”

She complied, sitting across from her usual spot and uncomfortably shifting in her spot. Hands folding into her lap, she waited for him to take his seat. The two stared at each other awkwardly for a moment before he cleared his throat. “Well, it’s fair to say that you’ve done a tremendous job at keeping up the numbers for the company,” He started.

“Thank you, sir,” She beamed, pride filling inside of her.

He nodded slowly, leaning forward in his seat as his hands folded on the wooden desk separating the pair. “Yes, of course. You deserve credit for that, really did a great job at it. But, I’m back now, so it’s time I release you of those duties and start working in my position once more.”

Her lips turned downwards slightly, though she knew this was the inevitable. She had to prepare for this eventually. The only thing was she had no actual time to prepare herself for this today. It had all been sprung upon her. “Right, I understand entirely, Mr. Porter,” Y/N slowly responded before continuing, “But, I was thinking instead of going back to my old assistant’s job, I could work as a sales associate. I have a lot more experience now, so it would be perfect really.”

Mr. Porter grimaced slightly, clearing his throat yet again as he stared at her with dismay. “Here’s the thing, Ms. (Y/L/N), many men have returned from war now. They’re in need of jobs, and I’d rather save those jobs for them. After all, they’re in need. The assistant job is yours as a thanks from the company and myself,” He told her, brow arching as he awaited her reply.

She was stunned at that. She had singlehandedly brought this company to a better place, and now she was being demoted back to a job she could have gotten absolutely anywhere, based solely off the fact she was a woman. Anger stirred inside of her, brows furrowing as she shook her head at him.

“Excuse me, what? You mean to tell me, you put me in charge of this business instead of other men, and now you’re not giving me a job because other men might need it?” She snapped, tone frustrated.

“Well, I gave you the job of running the company purely because you were the only one who knew how my job worked— from watching over as my assistant for so long. You knew how it all ran. Plus, I couldn’t risk putting a man in charge, he had a higher chance of being called in for war when the draft first started,” Mr. Porter tried to reason with her.

Now, she was angered. This whole time she had believed that she was chosen for her skill and effort, but no. It was because she was his assistant. Not only that, but he knew perfectly well what she was capable of, yet he was demoting her regardless.

“Why’re you giving me back my old job? You clearly see what I’m made out of.”

“Other men need those jobs, you can’t be selfish about this.”

“Selfish?” She asked incredulously, scoffing. “Nothing about me was selfish when I took over your business and ran it, so it wouldn’t collapse. Not only that, but I made your numbers better than from when you were running it. Is that why you want me to be an assistant? You saw how much better I did your job, and you couldn’t handle it? So, instead, you need to put me back in my supposed place.”

She knew she wasn’t helping her case by acting out like this, but it was all too much. If he really wanted to thank her, he would be giving her the job she wanted, the job she deserved. Instead, she was being put back in her previous position where she wasn’t seen as worth anything, really. It was a giant step-back in her plan for success.

“Now, don’t get emotional, miss. Being emotional like this wouldn’t work for a good sales associate, anyways. Are you going to snap at your clients like this?”

That was it. He was really pointing out her frustration rather than logically answering her questions. And, why? Because she was a woman. If you showed emotions, it just proved their conception that you weren’t fit to be in the positions you wanted to be in.

“I can’t believe this. I really, really can’t. After everything I did, the long hours, everything…” She breathed out, shaking her head as she scoffed again in disbelief. “You know what? Good luck keeping up your business, because I quit.”

Mr. Porter rose his eyebrows in shock at this, shaking his own head now. “Miss, I don’t think this is very reasonable. I don’t know what to say to this all. I thought you would be happy with what we were offering, but…”

A moment passed, the silence washing over them before she waited for him to continue speaking, to think of something. He owed her words, he owed her gratitude and apologies for the lack of respect he had for her.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Ms. (Y/L/N),” He settled on.

She backed out her chair, standing up from her spot and staring at him with disappointment. Walking over to the door, separating his office from the rest, she reached for the doorknob.

Twisting it, she turned her head over her shoulder, confidently speaking her last words to the man, “You know what, Mr. Porter? You will be damn sorry.”

She swung open the door and strode out, head held high as she ignored the many eyes on her. The front door of the office building was thrown open, shutting behind her as she refused to spare a second to glance back at her lost dream.

— — — — —

Though she had been rather confident in her strides out of the building, the walk back home was filled with her distraught and sadness. It angered her, how easily she had been dismissed by Mr. Porter and Harry. The rage fueled her all the way home, where she opened the apartment door, not bothering to be quiet for once. She wanted to scream, to fill this lonesome apartment with noise.

Letting it slam shut, she listened to see if Harry had bothered to get up today. He hadn’t.

Jaw clenching, she walked into the bedroom, noticing that he was still asleep in bed, and she just couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t handle another day of the distance and silence between them, especially not when she needed him. Because she had needed him when he was gone for war, and while she had done her best at being there for him, he hadn’t bothered for one second to be there for her.

Stomping to his side of the bed, she yanked the sheets off his body and snapped harshly, “Get up, Harry.” He groaned, not opening his eyes as he reached for the blankets and tried to envelop himself once more. “I’m not fucking kidding. Get the up right now.”

Her vulgar language did a better job at waking him up, mostly because he was stunned at the tone she was taking with him. Eyes parting open, he sat up with much dismay, rubbing his eyes slowly with the balls of his fists.

She moved to the curtains, peeling them open hastily and forcing the light to flood inside the room at once.

“Hey—“ He began to groan out, hands shielding his face from the light.

“No. I’m opening up the curtains, because I want the fucking light in our room. You know why, Harry? Because, it’s daytime. Normal people are awake at this time, they’re out in the streets and doing something. They’re not in bed still, whining about whatever the fuck is going on in their mind. They’re doing something with their lives,” She began her angry rant, her hands waving in the air.

“Wha’ the fuck is your issue?”

She scoffed, running a hand through her hair before it slapped down onto her thigh. “What’s my fucking issue? Where do I start, Harry? Maybe, the fact that you are still in bed is my issue. Or, maybe, it’s the fact that you’ve promised to get out of bed and do something every single day. But, here, let me give you a little spoiler. You won’t do shit today, just like you didn’t do shit yesterday. And, want to hear the funniest part of it all? I let you mope around all day without saying a single thing.”

Now, Harry was getting rather frustrated with her words. After all, it was so simple for her to say all this, when she didn’t understand the processes and thoughts that went through his mind. She didn’t understand how badly he wanted to be able to go out and be normal, but the memories stopped him. It led him to be unmotivated to do much of anything, his thoughts running wild as he would rather shield himself away from it all.

“Mope around? Is tha’ what yeh’ think I want to be doing?” He asked her slowly, his tone laced with disbelief as he stood from the bed, anger surging throughout him. “Of course, yeh’ would say that. Yeh’ don’t understand a fuckin’ thing about wha’ I’m going through.”

“I don’t understand? That’s fucking rich, Harry, coming from you.”

“How? S’true, yeh’ don’t get it, never will.”

“Maybe I don’t get it because you don’t tell me anything. You keep it all trapped in that tiny, little brain of yours, instead. And, you know what, Harry? You may have gone through shit, but so have I. You think the war was only out there, on the battlefield? It came here, too. But you wouldn’t know that, would you? Because you never bothered to ask or care. You never noticed when I couldn’t fall asleep at night because I could still feel the buildings shaking from when I was hiding in shelters, so I wouldn’t be bombed.”

“Yeh’ really gonna do this? Yeh’re gonna act like what yeh’ went through was close to what I did, huh?” Harry questioned her, tone low as he stepped closer to her, their bodies only a few feet apart. Both of them were angrily gazing up at each other, Y/N’s chest heaving up and down as she let out frustrated breaths.

“M’not acting like I was out there, on a battlefield, fighting for my life. I’m not acting like I had my experience worse than yours, but it doesn’t make mine any less important! I worked my ass off for a job that I just got fucking fired from, and you didn’t once ask me how it was running a company. You didn’t care to! No, because it’s just about what you went through!”

He paused at that, adjusting to the fact that she was now jobless. It explained the sudden change of mood into one of rage and anger, but he couldn’t properly register that now. No, because, now he was getting the rage filled inside of him out. Most of the anger wasn’t even directed at her, but at himself for how his mental state had been lately. Yet, here he was, taking it out on the girl he loved, instead.

“Yeh’ didn’t see your fuckin’ friends die on the ground that yeh’ were just standing on! Yeh’ didn’t see their eyes shut for the last time, and you sure as hell never had that almost be you! No, yeh’ were safe in your fuckin’ bomb shelters, crying and shaken up, while I was taking somebody’s life, so that I could save my own!” He yelled at her, the vein on his forehead bulging as his eyes danced wildly with anger and his steps had advanced till they backed her up against the wall. His hands slapped down onto the wall behind her, on either side of her face, making her flinch slightly.

She was scared of this man, the man representing a monster that was hidden within him. She didn’t trust this man. Her own hands shoved at his chest, keeping his body a few feet away from her own.

“I took people’s fuckin’ lives, do yeh’ understand that?” He asked her, his voice dropping to a quieter pitch as he stared down at her.

“No. You can’t expect me to understand any of it when you haven’t bothered to talk to me about it,” She breathed out, ducking from beneath his arms and pacing around the room as she ran a hand through her hair nervously. “We don’t talk anymore. In fact, we haven’t talked in a long, long time. Like, a genuine conversation. I worry about you, you dismiss me, and then we sleep. And, we act like it’s all okay, because we want it to be okay. But, you can’t expect me to understand shit when you haven’t bothered to talk to me about any of this!” Her tone had grown harsher by the end of it, her brows furrowed.

“S’not like it’s fuckin’ easy to talk ‘bout,” He scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief as he turned around to stare down at her, making her feel small in her spot. But, she held her head up high, just like she did in Mr. Porter’s office.

“But, you haven’t even tried! You haven’t tried to talk to me! You just wave me off like I don’t even matter, like I’m not even there! And if you can’t talk to me, I told you to see a profe—“

“Don’t go on ‘bout this again,” He cut her off, sighing dramatically as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“No, Harry, I will! See a fucking professional to help you, because I clearly can’t, and you need help. Because, I can’t fucking understand, isn’t that right? Because I couldn’t possibly understand, and you just couldn’t possibly ever, ever talk to me about it, yeah?”

“Isn’t this enough for you!” He suddenly snapped, stalking towards her as he gestured towards himself, “Isn’t me being back here enough for yeh’? Why do you want mo’ from me, huh? I came back from the war for you, I would’ve given up a long, long time ago. But, I didn’t, because I promised to come back for yeh’.”

She had given up at this point, the anger replaced by sadness and devastation from the series of events that had transpired. Her shoulders sagged as she looked up at him with wide, upset eyes, sending him a small, sad smile. In a faint, quiet tone, she whispered, “You may have come back from war, Harry, but you never came back home.”

The words struck him, his own heaving chest slowing down its breaths as he attempted to regain his composure. Blinking down at her, he stood in his place as he allowed the words to register and process in his mind. Her own shaky figure walked towards the bed in a hesitant manner, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Eyes peered out the window ahead of them, arms wrapping around her own body as she attempted to provide herself with some comfort.

A low, trembling breath left her lips, eyes shutting as the tears that had been threatening to spill unleashed, falling down her cheeks slowly. Silence loomed over the pair, both realizing that they were stuck in this very moment.

Neither of them knew what to do, because both of them were so broken in different ways. Do they fight? Do they fight for the love that they had stayed alive for? Or, do they realize that perhaps there was no more time for fighting? That, perhaps, they had lost the determination to fight for it, because they were far too exhausted, themselves.

Harry, in what seemed like a trance, sauntered to her, sitting down on the bed beside her, their shoulders hardly touching as he kept his hands in his own lap. His own gaze rested ahead of them, both of their breaths being the only sounds that filled the tense room.

He had survived for her. Or, maybe a part of it was for him, too. If he went through the difficult efforts of war for her, why wasn’t he willing to fix himself for her, too? Maybe, it was because he just didn’t have it in him, anymore. Maybe, he had lost the version of himself that could love her properly on the battlefield.

He parted his lips, to say something, anything, that could regain her hopes that it would work out, but he couldn’t find the words. So, he said nothing instead.

She hadn’t bled like he did. Her wounds didn’t appear like scars on her skin. Instead, they ran deep inside her, eating at her flesh and organs. She couldn’t show him evidence of her pain and suffering during the war, but that didn’t mean it didn’t exist.

Even then, she had continued going because of how she promised she would be strong for him. So, she had remained strong all those years, pushing forward and fighting through any obstacle that was thrown at her.

Now, though, her strength was diminishing, and she needed him, even for just a second, to lean on. However, he couldn’t provide her with that support, when he could hardly support himself. Her strength had worn thin, from trying to fix him and the company, only to lose them both so suddenly.

But, still, it had to be alright, right? Her mouth opened, searching for something to say to him, anything, that could reassure him that they would be okay again, but no words came to mind. So, instead, she remained quiet, never once inching closer to his body.

And, there, they sat, looking ahead of them into the vast future of their lives that they could not predict. They sat beside one another, not speaking or touching, but instead remaining in absolute silence as their thoughts circled through their minds.

Minutes passed as they rested in their spots, scrambling through their minds to find the ghosts of themselves that had once loved each other with so much strength and compassion, but had now been replaced with new versions of themselves, ones foreign to each other.

And, as those minutes passed, it had dawned upon them both that since Harry had returned from war, they had been sharing their bed with a complete stranger.

Thoughts on Season 3 of Fuller House (3B):

Thoughts on 3A here. So just binge-watched all 9 episodes of it today haha and here are my random thoughts:

I LOVE THE GIBBLER FAMILY I LOVE FERNANDO AND KIMMY!!!! I JUST NEEDED MORE AND MORE OF THOSE TWO TOGETHER THROUGHOUT THIS SEASON AND/OR MORE GIBBLER FAMILY MOMENTS IN GENERAL THEY’RE JUST SUCH A WARM, LOVING, AND ADORABLY PERFECT FAMILY WHEN THEY’RE TOGETHER AND SO FUNNY WHEN THEY TRY TO OUTSHINE EVERYONE ELSE I LOVE THEM HAHA

Seriously, Andrea Barber is such a great actress!! Like honestly, she should really win an Emmy for this show I am not kidding haha. She is soooo entertaining!! and wickedly talented at acting!!!!

DJ AND STEVE YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! FINALLY!!!! I’VE WAITED SO LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!! I’m not exactly 100% down on the whole DJ x Steve thing; I’ve said before that I think currently, the actor who plays Matt has more chemistry with DJ, but DJ x Steve was how it was SUPPOSED TO BE and I’m 2000% down for that. Also, idk how, but I think the Steve actor guy (Scott Weinger) somehow got cuter/more likable over the Season 3 break. He just seems to look a bit cuter and has more chemistry with DJ now lol (the kind he should have had at the beginning of Season 1).

The wedding fiasco... didn’t go down as ideally as I would have liked it to... it was the ultimate break-up — a wedding break-up — so it was, in a way, what you would have expected: really sad and harsh-letdowns all-around... idk how it could have turned out better (although there really is no excuse for how Steve and DJ treated their significant others ://). I am glad they didn’t drag out the whole DJ x Steve thing, though. And the Japanese-set episode was really fun!! Really enjoyed seeing all of the different, beautiful sights and experiences!! Wish we had gotten to see more of those :33 (The Japanese episode was definitely a bit shorter than I had expected.) Also loved how the episode was shot.

The appearance of the Japanese boy group Sexy Zone made me think of K-pop, and how much I love it, so I could relate. Sorry, guys, I just had to put that in there :PPP 

KIMMY’S FASHION STYLE IS JUST SLAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! PROPS TO HER STYLIST IDK HOW THEY DO IT BUT SHE MAKES WACKY AND CRAZY LOOK SO AWESOME AND GOOOOD!!!!!

That alligator scene was top-notch. Great acting/balancing!

Seriously, as much as I love DJ and Steve, I will be so, so, so, so, so sad to see John Brotherton (the guy who plays Matt) go if he no longer gets a larger presence on the show. I have really, really appreciated the character Matt and have really enjoyed watching John’s performance.

Max, thankfully, is getting a little less annoying to handle on-screen (might have to do with his lack of scenes with the dog, which perhaps makes him less juvenile???). Also not exactly into his whole “I’m a smart guy”-type persona, but it’s not done terribly or maybe I’m getting used to it, so I can live with it. Idk, I just know I laughed more at and enjoyed his scenes more than I used to (he’s my least favorite character on the show, and probably still is).

Not really a fan of Max’s relationship with CJ’s girl, either (seems a bit forced), but whatever. If they want to make them that horrendously (I am not exaggerating when I use that word) cute couple, then more power to them.

Kinda sad/disappointed we didn’t get to see Popko for 3B, but he was a jerk, so it’s all okay. Ramona didn’t exactly get any love interests this time around, which is fine. And I really, really hope she doesn’t get with that high school dance-team guy, ugh. The dance-rival thing-y is cute enough, though, and I can see it being pulled off in the future.

I also don’t know why Ramona would skip out on SAFSPA: seemed like it was definitely her dream/goal as portrayed thus far, but okay, maybe it wasn’t. I thought the lesson we got out of that whole parent/kid situation was really good/nice.

Jackson and Rocki are a thing, and I AM LIVING FOR IT!!!!!! I’m just a sucker for nerdy guy/cool girl relationships, tbh :p :p

Still don’t like how Gia (a.k.a. Rocky’s mom) is sometimes cast as the “villain,” but oh well. I guess that discrepancy comes from us wanting post-Full House to be absolutely, 100% “feel-good,” but Gia was inherently written as a “bad” character, so she’s destined to be somewhat of the “bad” girl, no matter how far we get into the Fuller House world. At least she was written as less “evil” this time around.

ADORED Fernando and Tommy; ADORED Fernando, Tommy, and the race-car storyline; and ADORED Fernando and Tommy vs. Jesse and Pamela moment.

Tommy’s cute rn and had some really, really adorable moments this time around (funny enough, I enjoy him with Cosmo more than I do Max + Cosmo). I just really hope he doesn’t end up becoming annoying and unlikable like Michelle was on the original show. I liked Michelle as a baby/younger, but I didn’t enjoy her when she got older/was a toddler.

Honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of the “let’s be cute with babies” on TV-thing, especially on the original show, but I really liked seeing the guys or anyone holding and playing with the babies this time around. For once, I was like, “You know what?? I get it. This totally warms and melts my heart into a million pieces.” Idk, something cute and maybe more maternal?? within me just spoke :’pp

I STILL don’t think Stephanie should have a baby, especially when she has no job, no stable relationship, etc. I also kind of don’t want anymore babies lololol (first Jesse and Becky with Pamela, and of course, there’s already Tommy); there’s already so many people I have to keep up with on this show haha. But if that’s where they want to go, then hey, I’m glad the surrogate’s Kimmy and not someone else.

Needed more Stephanie and Jimmy. Or just Jimmy tbh.

When I saw Vicky, I gasped out loud. Could NOT believe she’s back, even though I already knew she’d be back/had a strong feeling she would be (idk if it was announced).

I DO NOT want the older guys (aka Danny, Jesse, Becky, and Joey) back for the majority of next season. It just seems like whenever the older guys come back it’s more of a static “callback” than actual progression of the episode/overall storyline. I enjoyed a lot of this season because there was less of the older guys; vice versa, I much more enjoyed seeing the older cast members visit this time because there wasn’t so much of them around. So yeah, reaaaalllly hoping we don’t see that much more of the older cast during the next season (if they get a next season), since they all announced they’re going to move back to San Francisco.

On the other hand, I’d really like to see Danny and Vicky finally get a news/television show together and get married already, lol.

I do like it when the older and newer generations are well-integrated, though. The Danny, Jesse, Joey, Steve, and Fernando scene was really funny and one of my favorites. Fuller House is basically just one big fanfiction that isn’t perfectly written, but it’s pretty snappin’ close, and it’s all TRUE AND Y’ALL GET TO CLAIM IT AND CALL IT CANON!! :P :P

Like I said, glad the whole DJ x Steve thing didn’t get dragged out, but a little disappointed it wasn’t exactly, totally resolved... But it’s okay; I can live with it, for the most part. At least they’ve decided they really do love each other, got in a good kiss, and want to try to pursue a real relationship again (hopefully that doesn’t get messed up next season). Excited to see what happens when they’re finally together after the “6 months” are over huehue...  

CAN YOU IMAGINE STEVE BEING A DAD AND HELPING JACKSON, MAX, AND THE REST OF THE BOYS OUT?!?!? LIKE MAYBE THEM COMING TO HIM FOR ADVICE ON “BOY/GUY STUFF” AND HIM ANSWERING ALL OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND/OR TRYING HIS BEST TO HELP THEM OH MY WORD IT WOULD BE SO CUTEEEEEEE!!!!

Happy that there wasn’t so much drama over “whether DJ would pick Matt or Steve”; I really didn’t want that plot point to drag on forever :V :V There was a lot more focus on the girls and family-interactions this time around, which I liked, even though it meant less of the adult pairings altogether.

TBH, there weren’t that many substantial main storylines or funny lines during this half of the season, imo (SHOUT OUT to that “ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM” EXCHANGE THOUGH; that scene was hilarious!!). A lot of it focused on everyday family interactions or Stephanie’s “surrogate/trying-to-get-a-baby” storyline (for those who are curious, I’d say the most we got this season was a solid on Stephanie’s storyline, and DJ and Steve confirming they will be getting together, but there really isn’t any further development toward their relationship. Also surprised they didn’t have a Christmas episode??) But tbh, I’m not mad. It was nice to not have to worry about any big romantic or whatever-else-possible drama, and just focus on seeing these characters interact with one another as a family. It was just ordinary, nice, and cheesy fun, and somehow kept me laughing and smiling like an idiot the entire time (which, in a way, is a nice nod to the original show’s purpose). This is really, really just a feel-good show. And you can see that reflected in the cast. You can just tell how comfortable everyone is with one another, and at times, you can see some real tears about to be shed during a couple of heart-felt scenes. It really is just about one big, ordinary, and optimistic family (although sometimes a bit too optimistic lol; I think they give themselves a bit of a dig about that at the end). So yeah, Fuller House is cheesy, ridiculous, lame, or whateverrrrrrrrr you want to call it, but I love it. And I enjoyed watching every episode of the entire second half of this season :’333

Please tell me they bring on Urkel as a special guest for Season 4.

Please tell me they will get a Season 4!!!! I KNOW THE SHOW SUCKS AND IS CHEESY AND LAME, BUT I AM LIVING FOR IT AND LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT!!!!!

Yup, I think those are my thoughts for now. Might add/edit some more points in later if I can think of anything!! lol :P :P

idol secrets - Got7 Jaebom

wc: 4k 

genre: suggestive, sexual mentions 

pairing: jb x reader 

synopsis: y/n and JB have been keeping their relationship from the public eye for some time, but at an award show they get caught in a situation that could blow it for them both?

being in love was hard enough, especially when it was a secret. there were moments where you didn't mind it being a secret, it was almost nice that it was just shared between the two of you; other times it got to you. hearing rumours about JB with other idols, edited moments between him and others and vice versa. you'd both kept up this secret for 6 months, and boy was it hard. you and your group RO5EY hadn’t long debuted so you were hesitant about getting a bad rep so early on; hence the secret. you knew some idols were public about their relationship, but the girls had told you that it was best to keep it on the down low for now, especially because got7′s fans were mostly girls; you never wanted to offend them. you knew they were important to JB, so they were important to you. 

you and JB had met after you and the girls had featured on Weekly Idol; where you were all doing boy group dances. low and behold, got7 Lullaby came on, one of your favourite songs of their’s. you were all lucky enough to be allowed your own instagram pages, which is where JB found you. the moment his dm came through, quite frankly your heart fell out your ass. scared you’d offended them. ‘not bad, think I could do Without You, better though’ he wrote. it was enough knowing that he’d seen RO5EY’s debut single, let alone seen you dance to Lullaby. being from rival agencies mean it was a big no no to ever conversing outside of pleasantries at award shows and such; let alone texting. but that almost made it better, no one would ever expect it. a JYP idol that's been debuted for 7 years, and a YG newbie who's been around for less than a year. who would have guessed? 

from that dm you mostly FaceTimed, knowing that going out in public would be hard. luckily he didn’t live in the JYP dorm anymore, so occasionally you could sneak round to his apartment and spend some time with him. but him coming to the dorm you shared with 4 other girls was impossible; they were all cool with it, but if other trainees or press found out, it was game over. so typically you kept it to pleasantries at events, trying not to make too much eye contact, staying as far away from each other as possible. which was hard, believe me. you could both sometimes sneak out of his place at night and walk round or get some street food, but only really late at night, to avoid him being recognised.

it had been a crazy year, releasing your first album, being invited to award shows, shooting your reality YouTube series, life was a dream; but being nominated for ‘Best New Artist’ at Mnet Asian Music Awards was the biggest shock of the year. all the girls were so excited, and you couldn’t have been more proud. preparation for the show began early, rehearsals, costumes, award show outfits, it was a lot. you’d barely had time to see JB, but he’d still wait for you everyday outside YG and walk with you for a while; listening to you talk about rehearsals and how nervous you were. it was moments like this you loved, no one else about, just you two. 

finally the day came around, you didn't care about winning, it was always so exciting to see other performances and meet other groups you'd loved for so long. you'd arrived at the venue, emotionally and physically exhausted from preparing for your performance. there was a nervous buzz in the dressing room as stylists and makeup artists ran around trying to do everything in a very short space of time. you'd been thinking about jb all day, wondering what he was up to, had he arrived yet, how he was feeling. but to be safe, you'd not looked at your phone all day, knowing that if you messaged him; toxic news articles were only a few clicks away. and you didn’t need that kind of pressure today. the other members were chatting about who else was at the show tonight, when you suddenly heard his name. ear pricking to attention you looked up from the makeup chair to the mirror in front of you. seeing them behind you pulling a little smirk. you widened your eyes to hint to them to stop, knowing that if even the makeup artist heard, you and jb are dead meat to the public. they pressed their fingers to their lips with a chuckle, too close. 

finally you were all left alone to rehearse a little before the show, giving you guys a little privacy. ‘so, have you heard from him yet’ Ara said pulling your tired body down to the sofa. ‘I don't know, I’ve not been on my phone today’ you responded, cracking open a bottle of water. ‘what why?’ she responded. ‘too scared I guess’ you said after taking a big sip of water. ‘you don't need to be, everyone has been so supportive, I know hate scares you but Roses are showing more love than others are showing hate. honestly look’ she said handing you your phone with a smile. ‘you unlocked your phone and went straight to twitter, only to be greeted by a flood of love and support from everyone. as if one queue, a message from jb popped up at the top of the screen. 

j: just got here. sitting front row, I'll try to not stare too much. good luck y/n; jb x

a small smile appeared on your lips as you slid down to reply.

y/n: likewise. see u after x

keeping it low key, even in text. with that, a staff member burst into the room taking you all by surprise. ‘right ladies, time to go’ he said then promptly talking into his mic. you gathered yourselves before taking one last look in the mirror. amazing what 2 hours in a makeup chair can do, you thought. the walk down to the stage was always the worst, but somehow knowing jb was in the audience made you feel much better. or worse. it wasn't clear. 

you all made it to the side of the stage, doing a group hug before dispersing to your positions. you loved the song, the routine, the girls, your fans, your life had become a dream. but not being able to share it with jb publicly hurt. more than you thought it would. the music started, hearing the intro in your in-ears. the lights and music complimenting each other perfectly. being the first one to sing you felt the pressure, you set the tone for the performance. bad start, bad performance. as the lights lit up the stage you could see the faces staring back at you, moving to the music that filled the room. you almost didn’t want to see jb, thinking it would make it worse. but as luck would have it, there he was, as promised; front row. the rest of got7 all grooving with the music, reassuring. his gaze was low and sultry, as he did best. his eyes not moving off you the whole time, you'd look away to come back, only to find him still staring. 

as the song picked up and it came towards the dance break, you realised this was the first time jb had ever seen you do this live. and the choreography wasn’t exactly 100% PG, it was a liiiittle sexy one might say. but there was nothing that could be done about it now, you were already doing it. on the floor, running your hand up your tight then your side, you flicked your eyes up to see jb looking absolutely mesmerised by what he was watching. you could see him taking a sharp breath followed by a nod of approval. well done you. the lights dimmed and the audience roared with applause, the relief you felt was unmatched. you'd never get used to that feeling. you looked around to your band mates to see them all beaming from ear to ear, proud as ever. 

back in the dressing room you all made a quick change into your award looks and had your makeup touched up before going back out there. the energy in the room after a performance was something you never wanted to forget. the pride, the relief among a million other things. before long you were all ready to go and take you seats. a member of staff walked in front of you to escort you to the seats. as you kept travelling down the stairs you began to feel worried. they usually sit the more well known artists at the front, in camera view. while the newer and lesser known groups are further up. apparently not. you'd passed all the groups you thought you'd be sat with, giving them a polite wave as they smiled to you. now at the front row of seats the man gestured for you to sit down. front. row. it suddenly dawned on you, jb is front row. you flicked your head round to see where he was, having seen him on stage. you couldn't see him, but you did see Jackson smiling at you, which meant, he wasn’t far away. 

you all took your seats, you on the end. your head looking down, not wanting to lift it up in fear of seeing him. sheepishly, you lifted your gaze towards where you'd seen Jackson; now all of got7 were looking this way. they all gave a small applause and congratulated yourself and the rest of the girls on your performance. you thanked them and smiled, trying to keep it short and sweet. you didn’t look long enough to see jb. 

the outfit you were wearing was kinda short, making sitting down a little uncomfortable. with the knowledge that you were probably in camera view you were very wary of showing too much. tugging the skirt down wasn't helping. suddenly a tall figure loomed over you, quickly placing a blazer over your lap. you looked up to see jb making the same sultry smile at you. ‘better?’ he remarked. you nodded sheepishly, but not breaking eye contact. sheer panic set in, what would people’s reactions be? only to be followed by Jackson, mark, Bambam and Jinyoung doing the same for your other members as to not be suspicious to anyone. they really did care. the other members thanked them and the boys returned to their seats. jb staring for just a few seconds longer. the crowd cooed in approval, hearing whispers of them being ‘such gentlemen’ that of which they were. 

the rest of the show you were casting quick glances over to jb and you could feel him doing the same. never at the same time, obviously. the show nearing a close you all began to feel the nerves.. it wasn’t about winning, everyones love was enough. but you still couldn’t help but want the title, you'd all worked so hard for it. with that thought looming in your mind the host stood on the stage ready to announce the winners of each category. ‘Nominated for Best New Artist’ the words echoing round the room. you almost blacked out for the nominees, just doing an autopilot applause when everyone else did. ‘RO5EY’ you heard, casting a smile towards the camera that was looking directly at the group. then going back to the autopilot clap. ‘And the winner of Best New Artist 2021 is...’ the tension growing around you. ‘RO5EY’ the host said smiling. applause and cheer filled the room as you just sat stunned. what the actual fuck just happened. coerced out of your daze by Ara pulling you up out of your seat, you placed jb’s blazer on the chair as you came back to. the walk up to the stage felt like a blur, but you somehow managed to get up there without falling and breaking something. bowing to the host before he stepped aside for the group to make an acceptance speech. Ara did the honours, without a single complaint as you didn’t think you could string 2 words together at this point. 

looking out into the audience again you saw jb, smiling from ear to ear at you; the most comforting smile. ‘you did it’ he mouthed. knowing there were so many eyes on you at this point, all you could do was cast a small subtle smile. hoping he knew how much you cared. being honest Ara’s speech went in one ear and out the other until she mentioned Roses; snapping you back into reality as they cheered in the audience as you blew kisses to where the noise was coming from. with that, you made your way back to the seats, electrified with what had just happened. 

you all sat through the rest of the awards before all of the groups are invited on stage for the finale. clutching jbs jacket as you walked back up the stairs and stood as groups filled the space around you. the stage had an open top, and it wasn't as warm as it was when you'd performed; the cold breeze wrapping round your bare shoulders and legs. fireworks filled the sky as you all looked up applauding the beautiful lights that loomed above you. the hustle and bustle of artists congratulating each other and dancing around you made you feel less isolated. without warning a hand pulled the jacket out from your grasp and draped it over your shoulders, immediately eliminating the cold feeling and replacing it with a comforting warmth. you shot round to look who it was. jb was stood before you, hands still on your shoulder. panicked, you quickly thanked him, trying to make it look as casual of an interaction as possible. only to see that behind him, other members of got7 were doing the same for your members. wow they really did care enough to help make this look as non suspicious as possible. ‘I'm so proud of you’ jb said, smiling at you. ‘thank you, it feels like a fever dream to be honest’ you chuckled. ‘no, you deserve it. all of this’ he replied, dropping his hand from your shoulder and down your arm that faced the back of the stage so no one could see. then turning back to face the other members, knowing that even this short of an interaction was too long. 

you held out for the rest of the finale without looking his way, thanking other artists and making pleasantries with many; before you were all ushered off the stage and back to your dressing rooms. finally making it back to your dressing room, you realised you'd still got jb’s blazer around your shoulders. you needed to return it before anyone saw you leave with it; it was a good time to do so while all the makeup artists and stylists were gathering their things. blazer in hand you quietly searched the halls for got7′s dressing room. after a few minutes of searching you found it, already hearing a rumble of voices in there. you gently knocked on the door, preparing a story just in case a staff member opened the door. low and behold, and to your relief; Jackson opened the door. shouting you name which spurred on a loud cheer from the rest of the boys as he grabbed your arm and pulled you into the room. the boys all gathered round and engulfed you into some kind of got7 sandwich hug. not unwanted. finally letting you go, you looked over to the sofa to see jb sat there, lovingly gazing at you. ‘ill never get sick of that look’ you thought. his big brown eyes still make you nervous. ‘lets go into the hallway’ he said standing up, wrapping one arm around you waist. warranting an ‘ooo’ from the apparently “grown up” boys. 

closing the door behind him, you were backed up against the wall, his broad frame dangerously close to you. your breathing was sporadic, clearly under pressure here. ‘I just came to give you this back’ you said lifting the hand with his blazer clasped tightly. he looked at the blazer dismissively. ‘do you know how hard this is’ he said, never breaking the gaze. ‘I know’ you said, staring back up at him. ‘seriously, especially when you pull that shit on stage’ he mumbled in a low whisper. you frowned, not knowing what he meant. ‘new dance?’ he retorted, mockingly. you chuckled, realising he meant the dance break that wasn’t very parent friendly. ‘oh I see, yeah that's new’ you smirked. ‘I made a mistake sitting front row, far too close for someone who's trying to keep his hands off you’ he said leaning into your neck. his breath dancing across your now exposed shoulders. his hand following the trail, moving a piece of hair blocking his path before gently grasping your neck. you took a slow inhale, desperately trying to steady your breathing. his warm plush lips meeting the sweet spot of your neck, ruining your finally steady breathing again. ‘this is getting harder to hide’ you whispered with laboured breath. ‘I know, maybe we shouldn't’ he replied, lingering over the place he’d connected. you smiled both at the feeling and at his suggestion. ‘you know we can’t’ you replied running a hand up his chest. ‘we could, might have to quit music forever but we could’ he chuckled into your neck. ‘don't tempt me’ you replied tugging on his belt, pulling him in even closer. hearing footsteps down the hall snapped you both back to reality, quickly putting some distance between the two of you. pushing some hair back over your neck, to conceal any potential mark he'd left. 

a staff member holding a clip board and a bin bag emerged from around the corner, casting a small smile towards to two very awkward looking individuals that you were. ‘thanks for the jacket’ you said, desperately trying to sound casual. ‘no problem and well done tonight. i’ll see you round’ he said, hands in pockets. you watched the staff member make his way towards the next corner, almost out of sight. you spun round to walk away; knowing you'd been far too long. your heels echoing throughout the hallway, nearing the door you came though you turned around, curious is jb was still there. he was, leaning against where you'd just been pinned to, watching you walk away. you smiled before putting your hands on the door to push them apart. ‘it’s getting really hard you know’ he shouted to you, still leaning. ‘I know you are’ you retorted, smiling back at him. he leaned his head back onto the wall, knowing exactly what you meant. 

the relief you felt getting back to the dorm and getting into bed was amazing. the girls all chatted into the night, about what the schedule was for tomorrow, who they saw at the event. until the topic of apartments came up. ‘maybe we should look at getting our own place, for the 5 of us. its getting too cramped in here’ Ara said. the girls all agreed. ‘yeah then y/n can have jb over and wouldn’t have to sneak out every night’ Mina retorted. causing the room to fill with laughter. ‘ha ha very funny’ you mocked, not even looking up. ‘it wouldn’t kill us to look’ Ara said, picking up her phone and heading straight to apartment listings. ‘oh no’ she said, sounding far too serious for your liking. ‘um- don’t freak out. but you were spotted with jb tonight’ she said, clearly waiting for you to freak out. ‘what!?’ you yelled, running over to see what she was seeing. an article on twitter headlined ‘jb seen with rookie YG debut’ a literal nightmare. clicking on the article as 4 other head appeared around you to read at the same time. it wrote about the jacket and him putting it on you on stage, the finally being spotted outside his dressing room after the show. fuck. the comments were mixed, but mostly about you. how jb couldn't have any interest in someone so new. or how he wouldn’t be attracted to you. then the hate, ugly, untalented, ungrateful. separated by the his true fans, the real ahgase; who said they would be happy for him no matter what. and the Roses having your back. 

your heart sank. it was over. there's no way your companies would allow you to be in the same room as each other now. you picked up your phone, seeing you'd already got a message from jb. 

‘don’t panic. I know you are x’ he wrote, how did he see it before us.

 ‘I am, we should have been more careful’ you replied, tears filling up your eyes.

 ‘just let the company handle it, we’ve done nothing wrong’ he said, you could almost hear him saying it. that comforted you.

 ‘okay’ you responded, bluntly. 

‘its going to be okay, I love you’ he said, that was the first time he'd ever said that. 

it didn’t seem right considering your relationship was now in grave jeopardy; but you knew he was willing to risk it all for you. and you felt the same. 

‘I love you too’ you typed back, eyes full of tears now. 

Ara opened her arms for you to lean into, her comforting rub on your back sending your overly tired, stressed body into a deep sleep.

the morning was just a painful reminder of what had happened the night before. now more companies had picked up the story, more fans had heard about it, warranting more views for you to stress about. Yang Hyun-suk had called a meeting with the group upon hearing the news. and to be frank, you were shitting it. 

‘so firstly, congratulations ladies. Best New Artist, you should be very proud of yourselves. But we need to discuss this article.’ he said, now sounding very serious. ‘this is a very competitive world, anyone and everyone are willing to tear you down, for no reason. they will make stuff up, blow things way out of proportion as they have done here’ he continued. the feeling of total fear turned into confusion, does he think its not true? ‘you have to be very careful with who you associate with, especially boy groups. their fans are loyal, and don’t like it when they're seen with other females. you can understand that right’ he said beginning to sound more compassionate. a look of confusion clearly plastered all over your face as Ara steps on your foot to signal you to stop. ‘absolutely’ she responded. ‘you just have to keep interactions shorts, stick to the pleasantries, hello, thank you, goodbye. that's all.’ he continued. you nodded shyly, still trying to grasp what he meant. ‘I’ve worked in this industry for a long time, I know how these articles work. they take one interaction and make it a bigger deal than it is. ill release a statement squashing this, but you all need to be more careful’ he said, sitting back in his chair. ‘we will sir’ Mina chimed in, not giving anyone a chance to say anything. ‘good, don’t worry y/n I'll get this sorted’ he said finally, giving a caring smile, clearly seeing you looked distressed by the matter. Mina elbowing you to stand up and leave, still bewildered by what just happened the girls pulled you into a hug. which was very much so needed. ‘god that was close’ Ara laughed. tears filled your eyes as you bust into tears. ‘oh my god, what's the matter’ Mina said throwing an arm round your shoulder. ‘I thought it was over for us’ you cried, burying your head into her arm. ‘don’t worry! he said he would fix it, now go, I know you want to see him’ Ara said brushing the now wet hair from your face. 

////////////

if you guys would like a part 2 of this please let me know! also my requests are open if you want to have something personal written for you :)

all love x 

50 BOOKISH QUESTIONS TAG

This is awesome. I can’t wait to do this! Thanks @kafkalit for including me!

1.       What is your favourite book and/or book series of all time?

·         Choosing a favorite book of all time is a hard thing to do. I would say the one that comes close is The Shining by Stephen King and The Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling. I’ve read both multiple times.

2.       What is the longest book you have ever read? How many pages?

·         HP and the OOTP. It’s almost 800 pages.

3.       What is the oldest book you have ever read? (Based on its written date)

·         Canterbury Tales by Chaucer

4.       What is a book series that everyone else loves but you do not?

·         Twilight. Not hating on the series, but it’s just not my cup of tea.

5.       What book or book series would you like to see turned into a film/ TV series?

·         Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor. I know there is a 1978 movie but this is such a powerful story, I would love to see it be retold in a newer version. Also, The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by Avi and Lisey’s Story by Stephen King.

6.       What is your favourite stand-alone book?

·         It by Stephen King

7.       What is a book that you feel glad for not reading?

·         Twilight

8.       What is a book that you feel guilty for not reading?

·         Lord of the Flies. I have a copy though, and I’ll get to it eventually.

9.       What is a book you have read that is set in your country of birth?

·         So many! But my favorite is probably Bastard out of Carolina by Dorothy Alison.

10.   What is a book that you own more than one copy of?

·         Harry Potter Series. I have two hard bound copies of the series and one paperback. (I got the paperback for my kids to read with when they get old enough so they don’t destroy my hard-bound versions-teehee) Also, I have E-book and print copies of several books such as Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Hunger Games and a few more.

11.   What horror book made you really scared?

·         The Shining by Stephen King and also, Revival by Stephen King. Revival is one of those books where it takes SK FORVER to get to the point but when he finally does, it rocks your whole world and haunts you for days. Seriously.

12.   What book do you passionately hate?

·         None that I have read. I have books that I don’t care for but I have never read a book that I hate. Not saying that there isn’t one out there just waiting for me to hate it, but I haven’t found one yet.

13.   What is the biggest book series you have read? How many books are in it?

·         The Harry Potter Series. 7 books in that one.

14.   What book gives you happy memories?

·         Harry Potter. I love HP so much, I have so many wonderful memories of escaping to Hogwarts when I was a teenager.

15.   What book made you cry?

·         Several have made me cry but the worst were Bastard out of Carolina by Dorothy Allison and Wire Mesh Mothers by Elizabeth Massey.  Both books are about child abuse and are very depressing.

16.   What book made you laugh?

·         Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz. That book is a fantastic balance of humor, horror and sadness. I laughed out loud several times. I can’t wait to finish the series.

17.   What is your favourite book that contains an LGBTQ+ character?

·         Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café. I LOVE this book and movie. While Fannie Flagg doesn’t explicitly say that Iggie and Ruth are lesbians, it’s made quite clear. Also, Without You by Anthony Rapp. That one is non-fiction but it is one of my favorite autobiographies ever.

18.   Have you read a book with a male protagonist? What is it?

·         So many. Odd Thomas, The Shining, The Portrait of Dorian Gray, Harry Potter, The Inheritance Cycle…

19.   Have you read a book set on another planet? What is it?

·         I don’t think so! I’m trying to remember but I can’t think of any.

20.   Have you ever been glad to not finish a series? Which?

·         No. I have only read a few series and I enjoyed them all.

21.   Have you ever read a book series because you were pressured?

·         This question reads like it’s from an after school special: nerd edition. LOL never have I had another book lover “pressure” me into reading. I can just picture it now, some skinny kid with tape on his glasses and wearing suspenders, approaching me outside a book store and thrusting a book into my hands. “Hey, read this. It will make you feel good, man, real good. Don’t you wanna be cool? Don’t you wanna read what all the other kids are reading?” then disappearing slowly into the shadows, the sound of his asthmatic wheezing following him into the darkness….

22.   What famous author have you not read any books by?

·         Stephanie Meyer. I will not be reading Twilight but I recently picked up The Host at a thrift store. I hear it’s good, so I’m gonna give it a try at some point.

23.   Who is your favourite author of all time?

·         Stephen King

24.   How many bookshelves do you own?

·         Two but one of them was custom built and takes up an entire wall in my guest bedroom.

25.   How many books do you own?

·         460 (Print books. I also have like 200 E-Books.)

26.   What is your favourite non-fiction book?

·         Without You – Anthony Rapp

27.   What is your favourite children’s/middle-grade book?

·         Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred Taylor

28.   What is your next book on your TBR?

·         Les Miserables

29.   What book are you currently reading?

·         The Lovely Bones

30.   What book are you planning on buying next?

·         Not sure. I just buy from thrift shops and yardsales so I find different books at different times. Although, I am planning on continuing my goal of completing the Fear Street collection and the Sweet Valley Twin collection for my kids.

31.   What was the cheapest book you bought?

·         Like I said, 99% of my books come from yardsales and thrift stores so I get books all the time for 10c and 25c.

32.   What was the most expensive book you bought?

·         Deathly Hallows at the Midnight Premier. I think it was like $25.

33.   What is a book you read after seeing the movie/ TV series?

·         Harry Potter actually, I watched The Chamber of Secrets like 10 times in one weekend when my sister bought the VHS and loved it so much that I went out and bought the book series (as far as it existed at that time. I think it was around book 4?)

34.   What is the newest book you have bought?

·         Deathly Hallows, at the midnight premier. If you mean the latest book, it would be a few used books that I picked up last week at a yardsale.

35.   What three books are you most looking forward to reading this year?

·         The Hunger Games, The Life of Pi and the rest of the Odd Thomas series.

36.   What is a book you love that has a terrible trope? (Love triangle, etc)

·         Probably the Gossip Girl series. It has the whole rich- b*tch trope going on as well as a love triangle and also, Chuck. Read one scene with him and you will understand, lol. I read the entire series for the characters of Dan and Vanessa and do NOT get me started about how pissed I was that the TV show changed Vanessa from her magnificent self to the girly little girl-next-door. Ugh. I literally stopped watching the moment that Vanessa appeared. No.

37.   Have you read a book in a different language? What was it?

·         Yes! I read a couple of children’s books in Chinese and Korean back when I was studying those languages.

38.   What is a book you’ve read that is set in a time period before you were born?

·         I love historical fiction so there are many but to pick one, I will go with Son of the Sword by J. Ardian Lee. It was one of those fantastic books that I happened up on in a Dollar Tree once.

39.   What book offended you?

·         None, really. I don’t get offended easily.

40.   What is the weirdest book you have read?

·         I love this question because it lets me bring up this book called, The End of Mr. Y by Scarlett Thomas. Geez that book is trippy.

41.   What is your favourite duology?

·         The Shining & Doctor Sleep by Stephen King

42.   What is your favourite trilogy?

·         Most of the series that I read have more than 3 books. So, I will go with the Lord of the Rings.

43.   What book did you buy because of its cover?

·         Nightmares and Dreamscapes by Stephen King. I would have bought this book anyway, but man that cover is fantastic. Without a doubt my favorite book cover ever. I almost want a tattoo of it.

44.   What is a book that you love, but has a terrible cover?

·         20th century Ghosts by Joe Hill. That was my first Joe Hill book and I didn’t even now who he was (SK’s son) and I almost didn’t buy it because of the cover. But, it was on sale for like $3 so I went for it. Man, I’m glad I did. Joe Hill is such a talented writer. Who would have thought a story about a blow up doll could make me cry.

45.   Do you own a poetry anthology? What is your favourite poem from it?

·         Several. My favorite is the poems of Emily Dickinson. Hope is the Thing With Feathers is my favorite.

46.   Do you own any colouring books based off other books?

·         No but I really want the Harry Potter ones.

47.   Do you own any historical fiction?

·         Oh yeah.

48.   What book made you angry?

·         Wire Mesh Mothers, Bastard out of Carolina and Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry made me angrier than any books I have ever read.

49.   What book has inspired you?

·         Lisey’s Story. It’s all about accepting the present and the past and moving on. Beautiful story.

50.   What book got you into reading?

·         I got my first book when I was 3. I always loved reading. I honestly can’t remember, because I have been a book worm since I could hold a book.

I tag @misstchotchke and (If you haven’t already) @macrolit

Thoughts on Season 3 of Fuller House:

Yeah, I know it’s a horrible/corny show (and I didn’t even watch the original growing up leoooool), but Fuller House is also a very sweet, fun, family-oriented, and heart-warming show – which can make it enjoyable, imo. Anyways, I’ve just finished Part 1 of Season 3, and I just can’t NOT talk about it y’all:

Season 3 of Fuller House is not the best, imo (yes, I’ve watched all three seasons of this show lol). It has some great and funny moments, but it’s not Fuller House at its best. Yes, Season 1 was a bit cringe-y/slow, but I blame that on everyone still getting into the groove, so it’s understandable (and yes, I do think S1 had better writing/dialogue than S3). Season 2 is the best of Fuller House so far imo; it had the same level of writing as Season 1, but also the best jokes/most laughs from me so far. Season 3 of Fuller House just seems... Iunno... off???? Like, maybe it’s because the episodes were shorter so Season 3 just seemed wayyyyyy more choppy and quickly cut/edited (ESPECIALLY THAT FIRST EPISODE LIKE OH MY WORDDDDDD), or maybe it was Jodie Sweetin’s accident that called for a slight lack of energy/inactivity??? But overall for me, S3 just seemed a lot more rushed and a lot less witty, in terms of writing and dialogue (if you can believe this show was ever sharp – which I argue it was and/or had its great moments :p). There were just too many times during this season where there was no good punchline for a joke’s set-up or the audience laughed their heads off and I didn’t (I’m actually okay with a laugh track as long as the audience isn’t laughing at every dumb joke like I refuse to do). There did seem to be some great servings of nostalgia though, with parallels between the older and newer episodes (I didn’t catch much, though). Overall, I give the first half of this season a B+. It wasn’t at its best shape, but Season 3 of Fuller House still did a great job of mostly developing the characters and giving everyone screen-time.

By the opening scene of Episode 1 of Season 3 of Fuller House I was like “wtLOL PLEASE TELL ME FULLER HOUSE HASN’T BECOME A MUSICAL PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”, but whenever the adults were doing a number for karaoke night, I was kind of down for it looool *hides face in shame*

MY WORD bless their stylists/make-up artists because at 30+ years old, a lot of the original/older cast still looks GREAT!! Like, is John Stamos getting younger?!? haha Candace Cameron Bure and Jodie Sweetin both look AMAZING for their age!! I just want to be able to rock some Adidas, a tight-fit dress, or any of Kimmy’s outrageous outfits by the time I hit their age!! Also, the children are growing up too look pretty fine, too!!

Max is still annoying to me, though arguably less so this season; his parts have always been the ones I drudge through the most. He’s just... not pulling off the “pretentious” or “know-it-all” attitude just right. Also pretty sure I hate his “gf” Rose more then him leol. I also can’t really stand the Max and Cosmo scenes, though I kind of just go with it now.

The original trio’s wives lol... Danny suddenly revealing that he’s gotten a divorce from Terry (the “one time you brought her here” joke was hilarious though lol) and was unexpected for his character, and we never really get to see Joey’s wife... On the one hand, I get it: what purpose would either of these women serve for the show now, and I’m sure the writers had no idea what to do with Danny’s and Joey’s love lives when they were planning on starting Fuller House again. On the other, the OCD-shipper in me really wants a continuous and logical storyline for these two post-Full House lol.

I can’t tell what is a shipping scene and what is specifically character/episode/storyline development anymore??? (although I suppose the two aren’t mutually exclusive.) Which, I think, is a good thing. At some point during this season I realized that Fuller House is really starting to become a show that is just about the happenings of an everyday family – just like the original. All of the characters are getting their own storylines and development – and in a pretty evenly distributed manner, too imo. Which is amazing if you think about it because Fuller House has like 20+ characters to account for at this point. It’s just a show you can watch and laugh with your family now – and the storylines are interesting and enjoyable for both older and younger generations imo – which is pretty stankin’ cool, if you ask me.

I can’t believe they brought Grandpa Katsopolis back!!!! Like W O W. This show knows how to indulge their fans, snap.

I feel for Jackson breaking up with Lola, but honestly, I wasn’t feeling that ship. There just didn’t seem to be any strong chemistry there. I am kind of digging the “nice guy” Jackson and “bad girl” Rocki ship though haha..... (idk, I’d just really like to see that dynamic play out), but I kind of don’t like how they’re making Gia come off as a “bad” mom (even though I barely watched her character/parts in the original show). I think I would have liked it more if they played her more as the “competitive and super-cool mom” type.

Also good to see that Jackson is finally getting a bit more development as a character, instead of just being the “dumb/loser kid/student.” Is he going to become the Reese (of Malcom in the Middle) for Fuller House through his superb coffee-making talents?? :p

I’ve loved Fernando since Season 1 (even though I think everyone else really didn’t), and I’m glad that he’s stayed on since. Honestly, I needed, was watching out for, and was kind of disappointed that I didn’t get more Fernando x Kimmy moments!! >:c

STEPHANIE AND JIMMY ARE THE CUTEST COUPLE EVERRRRRR!!!! LIKE EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! LIKE OH MY WORD JIMMY IS AN ABSOLUTE DUMB-DUMB AND THOSE TYPES OF CHARACTERS USUALLY DRIVE ME OFF A CLIFF BUT OH MY WORD HE IS SO SWEET AND CARING AND BLESS THE WRITERS OF THIS SHOW FOR ADDING HIM LAST SEASON AND KEEPING HIM FOR THIS ONE BECAUSE HE IS TOO SWEEEEEEEEET ♡♡♡ HAHA MARRY HIM ALREADY STEPHANIE MARRY HIM!!!! XDXD

Kind of disappointed in the Gibbler House?? Like, it looked a bit too fake and the inside wasn’t as weird/whimsical/preposterous as I imagined it to be/expected. I also don’t like the idea of Fernando not living at the Fullers’ with Kimmy and Ramona (somebody has to be the next Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky!! haha), although I do think that Jimmy needed to live somewhere (and I do like the idea of Fernando buying it for Kimmy~).

Speaking of which, are Fernando x Kimmy or Stephanie x Jimmy the next Uncle Jesse x Aunt Becky??? xDD Idk I used to really love Fernando and Kimmy but Jimmy’s been really workin’ his way up there by being such a sweetie and AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE ANYMORE!!!! XD

I don’t blame Ramona for breaking up with Popko, but MY WORD they made such a cute couple!! I honestly hope he changes for her in the future... *fingers crossed, mind slightly doubtful*

Also, I don’t necessarily ship Ramona and Jackson (though I am definitely absolutely not against it), but when Ramona was like “why can’t I just find a nice and caring boyfriend?!?” after her break-up with Popko, and I was kind of like, “.....You mean Jackson????” XD Idk, I think the Ramona x Jackson shippers have gotten a bit too far in my head.

I’m #TeamSteve 100% – I think they should have been end-game in the original, in the first place – but I cannot deny that there is currently more chemistry between Matt and DJ than there is between Steve and DJ. Chalk it up to old age and a younger, better-looking Matt beating out an older and less attractive Steve (although to be fair, Scott Weinger’s been out of the acting game for a while), but I have to admit that I enjoy watching DJ interact with John’s character more than I do Scott’s at times. (People say Steve was a bit creepy during Season 1 and maybe 2 and I do agree that he came off a bit strong in the beginning, but I partly blame that on Scott’s return to acting; also I think that most of Steve’s desperate scenes at the beginning were pretty funny – come on, this is a comedy, y’all). Honestly, I’m just hoping that whenever anybody sees the slight lack of chemistry between Steve and DJ that they remember the wealth of chemistry that did happen between the two in the original and remember that #TeamSteve will always be the one to live on in our heart of hearts lol.

The wedding dress scene between DJ and CJ was so heart-wrenching... and savage lol. On the one hand, I do ship Steve and DJ 110+%, and yes, they do look like a “pretty” couple haha. On the other, if any girl had worn my wedding dress, I too, would have “killed her” LOL xD

Idk how Jesse and Becky’s baby almost outgrew DJ’s baby (though I get why they did it), but she. is. so. stankin’. cute!! Also I’m getting Michelle Tanner vibes from her :3

I actually kind of liked Joey in the original (minus the puppet), and I can see and like the idea of him running a brood of 4+ children, but his kids are. SO. A N N O Y I N G!!! Their "mischievous” antics come off as corny, cheesy, and annoying rather than adorable, making the kids seem like horrible, immature jerks rather than possibly lovable ones... although I suppose that’s how everyone felt about Joey in the original anyway lol.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but Stephanie’s whole “I can have a baby now!!” storyline is moving wayyyyyyy too fast, imo. (She and Becky getting excited over her finally “getting to become a mom!!” was so sweet and awesome though; I love how she doesn’t see being mom as an “obstacle” to her identity as a woman :’3) I’m okay with Stephanie seeing a fertility specialist, but honestly, I think it was brought up too soon. I would have rather had her see a fertility specialist sometime in Season 4 and let there be more development between her and Jimmy first during this season. As soon as she was told there is a possibility that she could be a mother, things escalated too quickly (although I suppose with invitro, things kind of have to). On the other hand, I don’t understand why Steph would want to have a baby now anyway when she clearly can’t afford raising one at this point: aren’t they always joking about how broke and how much of a freeloader she is right now?? (Oh well, chalk it up to the disillusion of this all being a fake TV show, I suppose.) On the other, other hand – and probably my most unpopular opinion – is that I don’t think Stephanie should raise a kid by herself. I’m sorry, but I really do believe that kids need two parents at the helm to give them a balanced, well-rounded life. The single-mom life is hard and raising kids all by yourself is no joke (I speak with some experience). I just think she really needed to get her life together and/or find a stable bf/husband before she thought about raising a child (being a mom is great, yes, but whatever happened to her developing singing career???)

Overall, I needed more jealousy storylines and PDA between the adult couples lol. Only DJ and Matt seemed to have any sweet moments, while everyone else’s love life was kind of put on the back-burner. I would have loved to have seen Kimmy get a bit jealous over Fernando and the real estate agent and/or Gia (maybe they’re developing this one, idk) or Jimmy getting jealous of Stephanie’s possible “baby daddies” lol. Idc if it’s cheesy or lame; I just really needed that in my life. Again, I think everything was paced a bit too fast at the beginning of Season 3, but we’ll see how the second part ties things up.

The ending OH MY WORD THE ENDING!!!! I cannot believe they left us on a cliffhanger where Matt is about to propose to DJ but DJ has just unknowingly confessed to Steve while they are both about to attend Steve’s upcoming wedding in Japan!! Talk about the drama waiting to happen for the second half of Season 3; I CANNOT WAIT FOR PART 2!!!

Welp those are my thoughts on this season so far. Will probably write a follow-up post with my thoughts on the second half of Season 3 when it airs!! Feel free to reblog and discuss any of these points with me!! I really need to talk to some more people about this show lol!!