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yellowstarwater · 1 year

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Alright now let’s get on to P2: E2 of my episode by episode analysis of part two of Inside Job. Again for those who haven’t watched part two yet spoilers.

P2:E2?Whoas-Feratu

First point it is rude that Reagan and Ron’s affair has to affect the rest of the group that is trying to work through their own issues. Yes I understand from a story standpoint the two are from rival companies and can’t get caught but they’re not even quietly making out! And I pointed this out during my first overall analysis of part two but Mothman is right Reagan’s “coping mechanism” can easily become an addiction if she is not careful. To Reagan’s she (and Ron) consider what they are doing as a healthy distraction.🚩🚩🚩 She at least admits that it is a distraction. But the reality of distractions are that they can only work for so long. And once it’s stops working you’re left feeling like you have a lot of things to do in a short amount of time. And some people can get very resentful of their ‘distractions.That is not to say that there will ever be a wrong time for Reagan to try to work on her issues. But it is sad to see her wasting resources that she could be using now. And it’s actually also not fair to Ron who is now probably compromising any progress he had made before hooking up with Reagan (remember that he was going long enough that he had to apologize for bringing a gun to group therapy…again) It is though in character for what we know about Reagan so far so I can’t be completely mad at it.

Next point you have to admit that Rand is making an effort to win Tamiko back. I’m sure that it is very shallow but he is making the effort and I have to point it out even if I still don’t like him. There is still though so much mystery to his marriage that don’t feel ever gets cleared up by the end of part two. But from what we’ve seen his previous marriage wasn’t good. And she admits to having a therapist which means she does go to therapy and part of the reason for that could be because of her previous marriage. So why would he think Tamiko would take him back even if you don’t factor in Keanu Reeves.

Next point Keanu Reeves! Was great he was just so fun I love how they played into the whole why don’t certain celebrities seem to age thing. Also lotus just grow from his pockets what? 🤣He was just fun all around and seemed to really enjoy himself!

From what we do know about Rand and Tamiko’s marriage it does make sense that Reagan wouldn’t have been very supportive of any of her mother’s relationships and for her to be worried about her mother getting hurt. We don’t get to see much about how Tamiko’s marriage to Rand has affected her but I’m guessing that must have happened to make her so resentful and always trying to find ways to get back at him. So Reagan being protective of the only parent she can slightly get along with makes sense. And I guess I can credit Reagan’s new relationship to Ron for allowing herself to be more supportive of her mother’s new relationship. And if Rand was my father I would totally be okay with Keanu Reeves replacing him too!

Okay Rand ordering Reagan to break up her mother’s new relationship is fucked up! Even though it plants the seeds needed to move the plot along the fact that he would make it her job to destroy her mother’s happiness is all kinds of wrong! But it’s good that she stands up to him against that.

The gang just knowing that Reagan is hooking up with someone is a nice touch and shows how close they are even if they don’t know who the person is.

Rand coming up with the idea to make a movie to when over Tamiko was funny though I am surprised that it never occurred to anyone to try to use Brett as a body double for Rand until Andre can work out the formula. But then we wouldn’t have the image of Rand’s man boobs and well the internet deserved that win. But again it doesn’t make sense that Brett would be responsible for tracking down Leo. And that was fun to watch.

Hmm comment about how they might all still be in the matrix that she created when she was eight makes me wonder if that’s going to be the big twist at the end of the series. I think it’s meant to be a joke but I am going to save that info just in case.

I have to point out that this episode is great it showing some of the positive aspects of Reagan’s relationship with her mother. While it was established in part one that her relationship with Tamiko was better then her relationship with Rand it still wasn’t portrayed as a very good one. And I do hope that in season two and beyond we get a chance to see their relationship more because while this was a nice episode for them. Doesn’t mean that Reagan’s relationship with her mother is healthy, it only looks like it is in comparison with her father. Regardless we know that Reagan has a good enough relationship with her mother because of this episode and that’s going to be something important to factor in when we get into the later episodes of part two.

The fact that even Reagan didn’t know that vampires were real and she works for the shadow government is kinda weird. It’s either that there is only a small amount of vampires or that the different companies that run the shadow government have different “company secrets” which means that there could be a group of people or species that Cognito knows about but the others don’t?

I do like seeing that there is a sense of closeness in Reagan and Gigi’s friendship. The fact that Gigi can tell that something is different and Gigi saying that she wants to give Reagan a makeover but later on let’s Reagan give her a makeunder. It’s nice to see that they have a decent relationship.

Brett reforming men with toxic masculinity is just everything! And just shows that Brett couldn’t be problematic even if he wanted to despite having quote “douche instinct” he just wants to be helpful and make new friends. Blaive Brettfordstein was an interesting choice for a fake name and clearly created so that he would look cooler. Brett you are cool and only change in positive ways.

Oh yeah Myc, Glenn and Andre are just helping Rand make a movie this whole episode. That’s all they do, Andre makes a youth serum that makes Rand into a younger buffer man but then backfires and turns him all the way into a literal man child. But Myc takes his role as a writer and director for this movie very seriously and it has funny moments. I mean the fact that he actually cares about continuity is going to be important later on. Also how long is the movie supposed to be if Rand wants thirty more sex scenes?

Okay Gigi knowing that Reagan and Ron are banging just because of a small look on Ron’s face shows that she is very observant and smart. And not a lot of credit is given to Gigi for how smart she actually is just because she’s not a super genius like Reagan. Also it makes sense that Gigi would be the character to not judge Reagan for having a relationship with someone from a rival company considering that we know that Gigi has tried to work for that company herself in the past.

Leonardo DiCaprio being the most bloodthirsty vampire is just the writers leaning head first into the memes. 🤣 And it works really well.

Again Reagan trying to find a way to break up her mother’s relationship with Keanu Reeves is nice when you consider that she really is trying not to seem unsupportive. Reagan pretending to be Keanu is funny too and when she gets caught you feel for her because she really is only trying to save her mother. The fights scenes between Keanu and Reagan were really cool. That being said I wasn’t surprised that Keanu Reeves actually really did love Tamiko. By all accounts according to what we know Tamiko must be at least late sixties early seventies . And I say this because in real life Keanu Reeves is fifty eight years old and Rand made such a big deal about him being younger. So Rand must be in his sixties or higher. I mean he went to college in the seventies and that was fifty years ago. And I’m pretty sure Tamiko is around the same age as him. Which would make her a bit too old to be used for her blood. Leo thinks that she might be forty but she’s not actually forty and Reagan is canonically thirty.

There were so many vampire puns!

So I guess this means that if we ever see those ageless male celebrities again on this show that means they are clones like Oprah. Also adult Rand in a diaper is something we all can never un see.

That being said the fact that Tamiko runs out on Keanu Reeves not because he’s a vampire but clearly because he’s older then she thought he was. And was going to give up staying young for Tamiko. For me confirmed my headcanon that Tamiko only tries to date younger men. My guess was between the ages of 18-25 but I guess that might be what she prefers but it’s not a deal breaker as long as you are younger. I also think it helped that Keanu was also a major celebrity. I am still upset with her for dropping Keanu Reeves like that but it’s probably because the show wouldn’t be able to add him on an even semi regular basis.

Well now that I’ve rewatched this episode I can finally start working on updating my Breagan story. If anyone is waiting for “Probably not a good idea but we were drunk?” Just know that I am trying and hopefully it will be updated within the next two weeks!

#inside job #reagan ridley #brett hand #breagan #rand ridley #tamiko ridley #gigi thompson #andre lee #glenn dolphman #magic myc

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chili-mango · 4 hours

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Actually, I think it's valuable to look back at these thought-dumps and see that there has been a slow but steady turn inward. I was very hurt and angry back in October, but now it's May and even though I still have complaints about the way you treated me, I feel like I'm thinking more about how the way I treat myself and how that contributed to our relationship failing.

Not in a "actually it was my fault" way. It wasn't either of our faults. But in like, a greater focus on trying to fix the maladaptive stuff I brought to the relationship.

I still don't know if we can realistically get back together, because I'm not secure enough in myself yet to withstand the moments your maladaptions might get the best of you. It's like, I don't know if we can work as a couple until BOTH you on your worst day & me on my worst day have the skill to make things work. Because, inevitably, we will both be having terrible days at the same time on some days.

And like. Me on my best day and you on your best day works. Me on my best day and you on your worst day works. Me on my worst day and you on your best day works. But when we're both having bad days? Jesus, we rip each other to shreds, emotionally.

We're both neurodivergent, depressed, anxious people. It's very easy for us to both be struggling on the same day. Maybe there are some communication things we can work on to help, but ultimately, if I'm feeling unlovable & vulnerable AND you're feeling unlovable & vulnerable, we're both going to be so sensitive emotionally that ANY mutual interaction is going to feel painful & like rejection even if that's not the true case.

In the most autistic-friendly, lack-of-subtext way that I can say it: my concern is that, until we understand how to healthily get through both of us having bad days at the same time, we'll just repeat the same patterns if we try a relationship again. And right now, I am 90% clueless on how we overcome that obstacle.

Truthfully, if I set aside the pain & resentment I still carry, I kind of WANT to be in a relationship with you again. But I don't want THAT relationship again, the one where we just keep unintentionally hurting each other. So it's like. That's the obstacle for me in terms of getting back together with you. There's no solution I can see yet that means we don't just get re-caught in the cycle of break-up/make-up.

Arguably, if we continued to live apart and go to both individual & couple's therapy to work on both our personal issues and our communication/conflict management, we could get there. But do we have the resources for that?

I can't support us both financially. Being enmeshed in terms of financial and living situation is too much for me. I'm not even going to agree to it "for the short-term," because I can no longer trust that the short-term won't become long-term.

So if we were going to try again, to me, that actually WOULD look like just being friends for quite a while first. You living your life. My living my life. Going on dates occasionally, but not so often it took priority over the rest of our lives. Not getting too enmeshed too quickly.

Because I'd really, really need you to be my friend first.

I guess I'm a little afraid that you won't want to be my friend unless I will be your partner, even when I'm not in a place where I'm capable of being anyone's partner. Maybe you'd be fine with that & that's just my insecurities talking.

I guess the thing I just need to keep reminding myself of is, if you cannot or will not prioritize being my friend, we aren't at a place where we could successfully be partners anyway. So really I'm not "losing" anything with you--- it would be a choice between being alone or being in a relationship but feeling alone anyway.

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freedomainblog · 1 year

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Philosopher Stefan Molyneux answers questions from Locals!

What are the benefits of talk therapy and what should someone expect to do when starting talk therapy? What Do you expect from a session and things to do in between sessions?

Stefan we need you to go back on Twitter, we need an update on Taylor Swift’s eggs, even if this is the one and only thing you tweet, I need to see it because I want to watch and see the leftists go absolutely crazy 🤪🤪🤪🤪, I want to see #Taylor& rsquo;sEggs trending on Twitter!!! Hahahaha!!

Does cyber-bullying violate UPB? Various forms of blackmail are illegal of course, much of which has been made easier in the social media age. The abuse through texts, and the digital manipulation games people play might be passive-aggressive, does that violate UPB?

Hello, Steff. An aunt in my extended family has recently shared that she was sexually abused by one of her siblings growing up. The large number of siblings who are now all above middle age, have not yet shown any signs of addressing this or treating the offender any different which is greatly hurting the victim. I would really appreciate some advice here. I think the other siblings need a nudge to deal with this obviously uncomfortable situation and fully understand that they are hurting their sister. For further context, I think they are all traumatized from a bad father and are ill equipped to deal with this without outside input.

What is your take on the Law of Assumption by Neville Goddard ? I came across this as my girlfriend often assumes how I feel or think without asking, and she’s usually not accurate so I find it irritating. My line of work tends to take a mental toll on me, and sometimes it’s hard to be upbeat and happy, my partner then assumes I’m unhappy with her or I take work stress out on her. We’ve been together a year and half, we live together in a house I bought before our relationship. She was untrustworthy early in our relationship, where I’m certain there was an affair. I felt a lot of resentment and it took me a long time to get over. She still denies anything happened and wanted to continue the relationship. I caught her lying a couple more times afterwards. But still foolishly stayed with her. Now this past August, at a high school reunion I got way too drunk and ended up having a one night stand. I chose to say I got too drunk and don’t remember what happened, as parts of the night I didn’t actually remember. But after people talked around town and she had heard things from her friends I decided to come clean instead of continue lying. It was a terrible thing for me to do. I think it had been easier for me to lie about it since I had been lied to multiple times by her previously. She since doesn’t trust me (understandably). Lately I guess I’m just feeling battered by work and home life, is it time to throw in the white towel, get her to move out and start over anew? We are in a viscous cycle for almost a year now. Where I had trust issues first, and now it’s her with the trust issues. there’s a lot more to it of course, but I’m trying to keep it shorter for the question. I guess I’m curious of your opinion, can the law of assumption help to overcome trust boundaries and repair a relationship? I tend to be a more positive, deep thinking person whereas she’s been through lots of trauma in her life, assumes the worst in most cases and is oppositional defiant. She is great in so many ways, but I know her childhood traumas cause her a lot of issues. It’s caused our relationship to suffer and now I’ve participated in doing serious damage myself. At 30 years of age, I’m starting to feel the panic of finding the right partner to start a family with, but am I choosing the wrong person? You often say it’s the individuals fault for staying with the person, and I do fear I may become one of these individuals who stayed with the wrong person.

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

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How do you think the Cullen's would have turned out if they lived their natural human lives and not forever frozen at an age / the state they were in? For example I think Carlisle would always be kind and tame but perhaps not as idealistic. Rose might grow bitter of the world since even if Royce didn't assault her I can't imagine he would be the loving husband she wanted. Edward, who watched his parents die and was dying himself, might not be as moody and miserable. Who knows about Jasper and Alice and Esme. Emmett would probably stay the same. Bella, if she never met the supernatural, probably would just be a quiet old soul but otherwise not mal adjusted. I can't even guess about Renesmee haha since she has no personality next to being ~inhumanly special.

I mean, sadly, we know the answer: they wouldn't be around very long and would have died miserably. There's no such thing as a natural human life, well, I suppose you can die of old age, but the fate of the Cullens didn't have that in store.

But let's get into it just the same.

Alice

Had James not come across Alice, she likely still would have been turned at some point by her maker, who seems to have been very fond of her. It was just a matter of time. The difference being that, instead of being a newborn completely on her own, her maker would have been there. This is an Alice very unlikely to see Jasper or the Cullens in her future, though who knows, Carlisle and her maker might very well cross paths someday due to the similarity of their work.

But I doubt Alice would ever end up on the diet.

For Alice to remain human, she can never have been sent to that asylum. In which case we have two options a) she's not sent to an asylum b) she's sent to a different asylum.

In the first case, Alice is more than likely murdered by her father. This is what got her sent off in the first place: she was running around town claiming that her father had murdered her mother and now planned to murder her. To shut the hysterical woman up, her father sent her to an insane asylum. Which effectively got her out of his life just as he wished.

If that didn't occur to him, then yes, Alice likely falls gravely ill or has some unfortunate accident that she cannot prevent.

Otherwise, Alice is sent to some other insane asylum, likely still loses all her memories due to electroshock therapy, and probably dies very young due to poor health conditions. The life she does live is utterly miserable.

Bella

Bella dies in a parking lot, she's hit by a truck out of control. Otherwise, Bella dies in Port Angeles, she's raped and her body abandoned in a dumpster. Otherwise, Bella is eaten by a vampire.

And if Bella miraculously survives all of that, I imagine her struggle with depression continues throughout high school and into college. In college, she may meet someone who catches her interest, in which case she becomes completely codependent on them for a sense of validation (as she did Edward and Jacob in canon).

The relationship is a toxic mess, ends in a very messy breakup, and Bella goes through her New Moon phase a bit later. She might finally get therapy and survive this very dangerous phase in her life, at which point, she finally starts the slow recovery from depression.

I imagine Bella will be struggling with depression though for all of her life and, if left untreated, it might very well kill her.

Carlisle

Had Carlisle not been turned this means the vampire likely drained him. Carlisle dies at the head of the mob, this sentences the other Cullens to death as well as now no one will turn them.

Let's say Carlisle wasn't as fast that day. He had a leg cramp, or something. Not being well in front of the others, he's not hit by the vampire first. This increases his chances of death, as the vampire seems to have killed the rest he took a bite of, but he could survive.

Carlisle lives with the haunting guilt that the one time he tracks down a true demon he brought death to his parish. Several died due to his actions, the demon got away, and now there's no sign of it. Carlisle completely and utterly failed.

This is probably the final straw for Carlisle. Demons exist, but they are beyond his capacity to hunt, this is a job for God and not mere mortal men. He stops the demon hunts, stops the witch hunts, and focuses himself strictly on helping the community and preaching.

He lives knowing his father would have continued to be sorely disappointed in everything he does.

Carlisle likely marries within a few years, now that his father is dead and he's the established head of the parish. He may or may not like his wife all that much, but he has a responsibility, and having a wife and children is one of those. I imagine that they either are somewhat fond of each other or quietly tolerate one another.

If Carlisle has a son, the son is trained as a priest, sent to seminary as he was, and set to inherit the parish. If he has only daughters, then it will be her husband who will inherit the parish.

When Carlisle dies he is likely remembered very fondly by the parish for the good he did for the community. No one talks about the demon hunting disaster. He's buried next to his father.

Edward

Edward dies of the Spanish Influenza in 1918.

Had he never caught it, and thus never come across Carlisle, I imagine he lives a somewhat ordinary life. He goes to university somewhere very well established, perhaps even one of the Ivy League schools, I can see him training to become a lawyer. He either joins his father's law firm or, if his father's not a lawyer, some law firm in Chicago where he does quite well for himself.

He probably courts then marries some affluent, well to do, woman who hits all the checkmarks he expects from society. They probably get on quite well.

The market then crashes in 1929, when Edward's only 29 years old, and Edward gets to live through the depression. Edward may be lucky enough to retain his wealthy, however, he very well could not have been. Edward is now unemployed, destitute, and miserable just like the rest of the country.

I imagine this is very hard on him, he becomes very bitter and resentful, and as he desperately tires to find work it just gets worse. Edward becomes mired in cynicism.

Then the war hits, Edward is now 41, and he's too old to enlist in the army. He feels a sense of nostalgic bitterness that, once again, he can't go fight the good fight and has to cheer from the sidelines. Nonetheless, the economy starts to recover thanks to the war, Edward recovers with it and things get better.

Edward lives his ordinary human life and, perhaps, lives to sometime in the 1990's.

Emmett

Emmett is eaten by bears.

Had he not happened to be in the mountains that day then, likely, some other unfortunate accident would have befallen him. He's a mountain man, that's a dangerous life.

He gets eaten by bears, eaten by mountain lions, injured somehow and then dies, hit by a tree that he cut down, there are so many possibilities.

If he does live to an older age then he becomes the gruff mountain man stereotype that we all know. I imagine he remains a very friendly, cheerful, man, probably marries some local girl and has a very large family.

Esme

Esme kills herself. With the death of her child, that was the path she chose, and had she not been turned she would have been successful.

However, had her child lived, I imagine her life would have continued on the path it was on. She would have been a single mother, working as a teacher, and raising her child.

They would have been poor, but Esme seemed determined to make this work, and was doing an excellent job at it.

Perhaps, in time, she would meet the right man and remarry. However, I think that would take a lot of time as the whole issue was that she was hung up on the ideal of Dr. Carlisle Cullen who she met when she was sixteen and never saw again.

Regardless, she's far more of a real person grounded in reality than Esme the vampire ever was.

Jasper

Had Jasper not come across Maria, he likely would have died in the war. Many, many, people died in the civil war, and Jasper would be far from alone in that.

If not, he would have returned to the ravaged south, and likely found himself facing unemployment and very difficult times for wherever he came from.

Jasper would likely pull through, we know he has lived through hell in canon and pulled through there, though changed for life by the horrors of the civil war that will now never quite leave him.

Renesmee

Renesmee is never born. Her father is a demon a hundred years older than her mother. There is no chance that Bella becomes pregnant with Edward's human child, let alone his vampire child.

If Bella does become pregnant with a vampire child, she's likely been raped by Joham. Bella dies in confusion and agony, Renesmee is born into this world utterly alone, is picked up by Serena, and becomes yet another sister of Nahuel's.

Renesmee lives the miserable life that all of Nahuel's siblings do.

Rosalie

Rosalie is gang raped to death by Royce and his friends and dies in agony in an alley. Had she not come across Royce that night then likely, after they marry, he at some point rapes her to death and murders her.

The likelihood of Rosalie, with her parent's ambitions and her looks, of not marrying Royce is very small.

Even then, Royce is in town in general, that means all she needed was one bad night. Which, in canon, she had.

However, let's say she lives and Royce wasn't interested in her hand, she marries option number two. As you note, her marriage still likely isn't fulfilling. Rosalie is there to be beautiful and poised, to have tea with the ladies in society, and watch as a governess raises her children.

This is the world she lives in, and she accepts that, but over time she becomes increasingly bitter and resentful of this thing we call life.

TL;DR Remember, there's no escape from the pit of despair we call Twilight

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #the cullens #alice cullen #carlisle cullen #bella swan #edward cullen #esme cullen #emmett cullen #rosalie hale #jasper whitlock #rensemee cullen #bittemoi

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doctorstethoscope · 3 years

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The Right Chapter Nine || Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader

Hello and happy Tuesday besties! ICYMI, I posted a bit of smutty goodness for all of you 18+ folks here. If you’d like to be added to my general Hotch fic taglist please let me know!

Read previous chapters of this fic here!

contains: canon-typical discussion of violence, food mention, therapy, cuddling.

wc: 2k

When you woke up the next morning, there were flowers in a vase on your bedside table. You’re smiling before you’ve even wiped the sleep away from your eyes, grabbing the sticky note that was stuck to the vase.

“Would’ve sent these to your desk, but figured that wouldn’t go unnoticed by a team of behavior experts. Hope they made you smile anyways. -AH

An expert on behavior and he was only hoping that he could make you smile, you laughed to yourself, rolling out of bed and finding Aaron in the kitchen with a mug of coffee, packing Jack’s lunch.

“When did you find the time to do that, Hotchner? Don’t you ever sleep?” You asked, and he looked up at you, breaking out in a smile.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He shrugs, looking back down to his carrot slices as you cross the kitchen in pursuit of a cup of coffee. He places the knife down and tugs you closer to him by the palm of your hand so he can drop a kiss to the top of your head. It makes you feel warm all over. You hear the insistent smacking of small feet on hardwood and step away from Aaron in an instant, not wanting to be caught by Jack.

“Morning bud,” Aaron calls across the kitchen. Jack responds with a yawn, which makes you giggle. He smiles at you.

“Are you gonna have to go catch bad guys again?” He asks. “I missed you and dad.”

“Oh little man, we missed you too! We probably won’t get called away today but I can’t say for sure. If dad and I come home tonight, do you want to have a special movie night so we can all spend some time together?”

Jack nods ferociously, and practically starts buzzing with excitement. “Can we watch monsters inc?”

“Oh, that’s one of my favorites!”

“Dad?” Jack looked to his father for confirmation.

“Of course, bud. But you’d better eat all of these carrots I’m packing in your lunch if you want a treat.” Aaron smiled at Jack, who agreed easily. “Come on, we don’t want to miss the bus.” He said, ushering Jack out the door with a Danimals and an orange while you finished getting ready. You were struck for a moment by how easily you had slid into the Hotchner boys’ morning routines, and you realized that you would miss it once you found your own place. But it was for the best-- you hoped that you and Aaron would be serious enough to consider living together, but you didn’t want to force it too early in the relationship and cause problems.

When Aaron comes back, you’re dressed and ready to head off to work. He grabs his briefcase and suit jacket off of one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

“D’you eat?” He asked as he pulled his jacket over his arms.

“I had coffee. I’m not a big breakfast person.” You tell him, surprised that he hasn’t already noticed this about you.

“Grab a fruit.” He tells you.

“Did you eat?’ You ask him, and the tips of his ears turn pink. “Yeah, that’s what I thought, Hotchner. Why don’t you grab a fruit.” You teased, tossing him an orange from the bowl and tucking a banana into your purse as you stepped out the door, with Aaron locking up behind you. He wrapped his free arm around your waist as the two of you walked to the car.

“I have something to tell you, and you’re going to be mad at me.” Aaron confesses about halfway through your drive to work.

“Ah, so that’s what the flowers were about.” You said facetiously.

“No, the flowers were from your boyfriend, this news is from your boss.” He clarifies.

“Oh?” You asked, needing him to explain more.

“You’ve got a psych eval this morning.” He confesses and you groan.

“Ugh, Hotch, really?”

“Even if we could ignore what happened with Josh-- which, for the record, you shouldn’t-- you were held hostage by an unsub.”

“For like, twenty minutes!” You interrupted him.

“It’s bureau policy, dear. There’s nothing I can do about it.”

“And you can’t just say that you gave me the psych eval and I passed?”

“No,” he tells you, sighing. “For us to be together, we need to keep everything above board. Hopefully no one starts on a warpath when we decide we’re ready to share this, but if they do, I don’t want to give them any reason to undermine your professional credibility by arguing I gave you special treatment.”

You’re a little bit stunned by Aaron’s use of “when” rather than “if.” It’s not in a bad way, of course-- it’s actually, really, really good, to hear that he’s just as in it as you are, even if you hadn’t expressed it very well yet. The idea that he’s already thinking about the future-- even if it is your professional future, not exactly a white-picket-fence kind of future-- gives you butterflies. You realize you’ve waited too long to respond when Aaron speaks up again.

“I understand if that’s a lot for you to take on, or if that makes you rethink things. I wouldn’t hold it against you if you decided this wasn’t worth the potential professional issues.” He adds nervously, clearing his throat. You reach over and put a hand on his thigh.

“I think you’re worth the risk,” you smile at him, and watch him release a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Thanks for coming in,” Laura, one of the FBI’s resident psychologists said as you settled into the couch in her office. You err on the side of politeness and decide not to point out that you didn’t really have a choice.

“Not a problem,” you smiled at her.

“So how are you feeling?” She asked.

“I’m good. I’m happy to be back at work, and to get my field clearance back. I’ve missed it.” You tell her.

“That’s right, you’d been removed from the field for a head injury.” She said, peering over your file. “Service related?”

“No, I fell down a flight of stairs,” you lied, hoping she couldn’t read you as easily as Aaron could.

“Hmm, so you travelled with the team even though you weren’t cleared for field work?” She asks, and you’re pretty sure you’re not imagining the judgement in her tone.

“I didn’t go into the field. I stayed at the police station, in compliance to orders from my doctor and from Chief Hotchner. Unfortunately, the field came to me,” you attempted to make a joke. She didn’t laugh.

“Was it not possible for your duties to be completed from Quantico?”

“No, it wasn’t. The behavioral analysis unit works as a team-- we’re able to determine profiles as successfully as we do because we collaborate. My efforts, and the work of my team, would have been severely hindered if I had stayed behind.” You answer mechanically, trying, and most likely failing, to not sound defensive. “I fail to see how that’s relevant to my experience with Alec Gordon.”

“I’m just trying to determine if you’re engaging in a pattern of self-endangering or careless behavior.” Laura answers honestly.

“I can assure you that my attitude regarding my work and the work of my team is anything but careless.” You bite back.

“You came back to work very quickly after your concussion.” She says, and it’s not a question, so you don’t take the bait. “Any particular reason for that?”

“I felt ready to return, and Chief Hotchner was willing to accommodate my need to work partial days until I was fully recovered, so on the advice of my physician I returned to work on a modified schedule.”

“Agent, I don’t need to tell you that withholding information in our session or on the forms you filled out prior to our appointment today, will only hurt you.”

“With all due respect, I haven’t withheld anything and I resent the implication.”

“Very well, agent. I will have a complete evaluation sent to your supervisor by the end of the business day.”

“Thank you for your time,” you smiled, trying to make it look real.

“The door is always open, agent.”

“So, you kind of beat me to the punch this morning,” Aaron tells you as you’re walking out of the office together.

“What are you talking about?” You asked.

“Well, the flowers were a part of my master plan to get you to agree to come to dinner with me tonight, but it seems you’ve made other arrangements with my son.” He smirks at you as you both climb into his SUV.

“I guess now you know where you stand in the ranking of Hotchner boys.” You tease him.

“It won’t get me ahead of Jack, I know, but will you let me take you out to dinner tomorrow night?”

“Aaron,” you laughed. “You don’t need to take me out to dinner.”

“Yes, I do.” He tells you.

“We already live together. You’re going to have dinner with me regardless of whether or not we eat it at a restaurant.” You tell him, gesturing to his place as he parked the car.

“Maybe so, but you’ve already decided that we won’t be living together much longer. I care about you, and I want to spend time with you, and I’d like to take you out to dinner.” He said, shifting to face you now that the car was stopped.

You rolled your eyes fondly, feeling yourself blush. “I’ll allow it.”

“God, it’s like pulling teeth,” Aaron muttered sarcastically, breaking out into a grin as you laughed.

You both got out of the car and headed inside, where Jess and Jack were working on a puzzle at the kitchen table.

“Dad!” Jack says, looking up to see his father and abandoning the puzzle, launching himself into his father’s arms.

“Hey, buddy. Did you have a good day?”

“Yes, and I ate all my carrots so that I could have a special treat while we watch Monsters Inc.”

“He’s been waiting to tell you that all afternoon,” Jess laughed, standing up from the table and crossing to you to give you a hug. When Haley died, you and Jess got a lot closer, through Jack. “It’s good to see you,” she says as she squeezes you.

“You too.” You smile. “I’ve got to go change into my special movie night clothes,” you smirked, leaving Jess, Jack and Aaron in the kitchen.

“Jack, why don’t you go put on your pajamas, and we’ll start the movie in a little bit?” Aaron suggested, and Jack scampered off towards his room.

“Do you plan on ever telling that girl how you feel about her, or are you just going to look at her like she hung the stars in the sky for the rest of your life?” Jess asks Aaron bluntly.

“I can’t possibly be that obvious.”

“Aren’t you literally a behavior expert?”

“It’s being handled, Jess.” He assures her with a quick grin as you emerge from your room in soft flannel pants and a tank top.

“Do you want to stay, Jess? We’re just gonna order a pizza and veg out.”

“I wish I could. But you kids have fun.” She said, looking between you and Aaron. Jack comes running out of his room to give his aunt a kiss goodbye and you all settle on the couch.

Jack inserts himself in the middle of you and Aaron on the couch, a slice of pizza on a paper plate in front of him with the promise of ice cream later on. Aaron’s arm rests across the back of the sofa and his hand plays gently with the hair at the nape of your neck. You tilt your head in his direction, pulling Jack into your lap so you can scoot closer as the movie plays on. Jack falls asleep before you can even get him his ice cream, and you take the opportunity to rest your head on Aaron’s shoulder, his arm wrapping around your shoulder and tracing comforting patterns into the skin of your upper arms until the credits roll.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fic #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x y/n #hotch x y/n #aaron hotchner x you #hotch x you

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sapiowoman28 · 3 years

Text

Try (Chapter 6): Madam's Party

Pairing: Mark x Y/N x Johnny

Genre: smut, fluff, undercover au with cranky undercover agents

Warnings: mentions of Mark's mental health issues, brief mention of bathroom sex, drug use, Jaehyun is miserable, Doyoung is back, Taeyong saves the day, mentions of a fight. Oh, and Ten doesn't like women hitting on him.

Note: the next few chapters after this one and the next will focus more on the relationship between Johnny and Y/N as well as the dynamic between Doyoung and Y/N.

Mark watched the screen as his online payment went through. He had just booked his tickets for his trip to London. This time he planned to stay 2 weeks.

He had learned his lesson. That one time a year or two ago he stayed there for a month, and it was a total disaster. He came back with his head all messed up, panicking about life in general.

Then both Taeyong and Y/N convinced him to do some online therapy thing and things got better. He was in a better head space now. He was no longer a nervous wreck, overthinking his life and his future. But he kept his trips short. The London weather just didn't agree with him, and he didn't really enjoy the vibe there.

His phone beeped. He picked it up to see who had texted.

"Hey." it was Y/N. He missed his best friend terribly. But he wasn't sure if he was ready to talk.

"Hi." he replied after 2 minutes of staring at the message.

"You going for the party?"

"Yeah. With Kun and Lucas."

"I'm going too."

"With Doyoung?" he smiled to himself. "I heard he's going."

"Mark Lee! You never change do you?" he could imagine her looking exasperated. He giggled to himself.

Silence. He put his phone back down.

It dinged again a minute later. It was her.

"I should have used the safe word when you did what you did. Instead i just continued and got resentful. And made you leave after that."

"I should have been gentle.... I'm sorry Y/N."

"Maybe we need to talk about no go areas. Johnny thinks three of us should have dinner next week and talk. We're all new to this you know."

"I'm going to London next week. For two weeks."

"Can I go too? I really want to meet that weird uncle of yours who believes in aliens."

They ended up talking on the phone, catching up about life the past 2 weeks. Neither of them mentioned the incident again. The discomfort was still a little too fresh in their minds. But they were glad they were talking again.

The party was in full swing when Y/N arrived at half past 11. Yuta had indeed booked the entire VIP section and just about everyone was there. A small group of people had formed around Doyoung, fussing over him and his crutches and he was enjoying every bit of attention he was given. She rolled her eyes.

She wasnt sure if she was ready to face him yet. Their relationship had been terse since that incident where she punched him in the face during a heated argument. in the middle of an operation. in fact when Doyoung got into an accident during the next operation she was a little relieved he would be out for a while to recover. Now he was a little more mobile, it sure looked like he would be back sooner rather than later.

But having to deal with Taeyoung was worse. At least Doyoung recognised she was the best person to get advice on technology matters, and respected her recommendations. So maybe Doyoung being back would be a good thing. She decided to walk over. Doyoung had spotted her, and there was no escape now anyway.

"DDDDDDD!!!!!!" she shrieked excitedly hoping she was at least a little convincing.

"Oh my! Y/N! You are looking good! Must be the glow of love?" Doyoung winked as they hugged.

Stupid Taeyong. He couldn't ever stop talking about Johnny to everyone.

"I see Taeyong's told you."

"Yes, of course, he really really approves." Doyoung whispered. "I just hope you're behaving?"

Y/N sighed. The legacy of her and Mark was always going to be there. No escape. She wished they'd get over it for once. It only happened the first 6 months of her joining the unit. They had already declared each other as best friends a year ago. But everyone still insisted they had a thing for each other.

Some other person faked shrieked at Doyoung and she left as soon as she could, taking a seat at the bar to people watch, ordering a drink. She scanned the room, cursing silently as she saw Ten approaching.

She wasn't in the mood to talk about work now. He wasn't pleased with the first draft of her report, and wanted to make changes she didn't approve of. The guy had something stuck up his ass. It always had to be done his way, but it just wasn't always the best way to go about things.

"Hi my dear!" Ten gave her a kiss on both her cheeks. "Looking good! Heard from Taeyong you have a boyfriend now."

She was going to kill Taeyong.

"You look hot, Ten. I love your shirt! Are the girls throwing themselves at you again?" she grinned.

Ten grimaced. "I seriously don't want to talk about it."

"You're so handsome, I don't blame them you know." she pinched his cheek. He laughed.

"About the report you emailed me." he started.

"I saw your email. But i don't wanna talk about work tonight, Ten. Can we just have fun?" she pouted.

"Fine. I'll call you on Monday. Anyway i just came over to say hi and tell you how good you're looking. I've to go back to the guys. I've been tasked to keep an eye on Jaehyun tonight. He's being a little heavy with the drinking."

"I'm sorry, is this seat taken?" they turned to look. Mark.

"Hello stranger." Y/N grinned. Mark looked adoringly at her.

"I promise I won't tell anyone." said Ten, slipping away. "Your boyfriend won't ever find out!"

"What's wrong with him?" mark asked.

"He's been tasked with babysitting Jae."

"Oh man. Dude must be in a totally angsty mood now."

"Yeah this party isn't helping, you know. It's like Yuta rubbing in his face, 'I got a promotion, Jaehyun! I got a promotion! Yay!!!'"

"And you're drinking?" he tasted her gin and tonic. "You can't even handle the alcoholic content of Kombucha."

"Mark Lee! I swear to god! I was not tipsy on Kombucha that time. You need to stop telling that story to everyone. I can hold my liquor!" Y/N faked strangled him as he giggled.

Their eyes met. And the laughing stopped.

"I missed you." he said.

"You were the one who refused to talk to me. For two fucking weeks, Mark Lee! Two weeks!" she chided.

"You didn't talk to me either."

"I wanted to give you space."

"Thanks. I needed time to think."

"Are you done thinking?"

"Yeah.

"What's the conclusion."

"I agree with you guys that we need to discuss no-go areas. We can do that when I'm back."

"Ok. As long as your mind is not fucked up like that time... "

"It was just one time, Y/N! Just one time!"

"I'm just teasing you baby. Im glad therapy has helped you feel more grounded." She smiled. "I'm proud of your progress you know."

"I miss you calling me baby." he grabbed her hand.

"Mark, people are watching. I bet Kun's watching us now." she scanned the room, catching Kun's eye at the other side of the bar where he was with Lucas and Doyoung. Kun, realising he had been caught watching, looked away after shaking his head.

"Idiot." she cursed. "Maybe we should put on a show to irritate him."

Mark giggled.

"I can't believe Lucas and Doyoung are hanging out." Y/N nudged Mark, whose eyes grew huge upon realising that they were indeed siting together.

"Lucas fucking hates him, yo!"

"Well Doyoung doesn't like Lucas much either. Which makes this funny."

"Half the people here don't like the other half. They're all pretending."

"So are you pretending to like me too Mark Lee?"

"What do you think, Y/N?"

"You love me." she grinned.

"Well you love me too." he winked then stiffened. This conversation was getting odd. Y/N looked away.

They spent the evening in a comfortable silence, watching the party get rowdier and rowdier as more people joined. Some people started to bring out the magical stuff and it was downhill from there.

Y/N knew she was done for the night when she needed the rest room, only to enter it and find Yuta with his lady bent over the sink, him screwing her. She froze, they stopped to look at her, eyes dilated from whatever drug they had taken.

"Er. Hi guys!" she chirped awkwardly.

"Y/N!!!" Yuta exclaimed excitedly as Madam giggled. "Hi Y/N!"

"Bye!" she grinned.

she turned around stomping off. She needed to pee. Badly. There was only one person who could help her.

"Taeyong!" She yelled as she stomped towards him. He was talking to Mark and Taeil. All three of them looked at her.

"Hmm. Someone looks crossed." Taeyong teased. She wasn't in the mood for teasing.

"I need to pee urgently, but your two best friends are in there screwing. You're the only person who can sort this out, Tae! Please, put your tyrant nature to good use?"

Mark laughed hysterically as Taeil shook his head and smiled.

"Your wish is my command, Miss Y/N" Taeyong laughed before strding to the female restroom to scare them out.

"And you thought your unit was dysfunctional." Taeil said to Y/N who burst out laughing.

Taeyong came back after completing his task, and Y/N raced to the washroom, glad to finally be able to pee. She washed her hands, and was touching up her lipstick when she heard Mark's voice.

"Er. Y/N?" He stood at the door awkwardly.

"Mark, what the heck?"

"I think we should leave. A fight broke out."

"what happened?"

"I think Jaehyun challenged Yuta to a fist fight."

Y/N sighed. Maybe Taeil was right about his unit. And yes, it was time to call it a night. But she was hungry.

"Supper?" she asked Mark. His eyes lit up as he nodded his head.

#nct imagines #nct 127 imagines #nct smut #nct 127 smut #nct mark #nct taeyong #nct taeil #nct yuta #wayv kun #wayv ten #wayv lucas #nct doyoung #nct jaehyun

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buddiebeginz · 3 years

Text

tw: child abuse/other references to abuse

Finally caught up to the current episodes of 911. I have a lot of thoughts on Buck and Maddie and their family situation from Buck Begins (and the episodes before it). From stuff I’ve seen around online I get the impression that most people loved Buck’s begin episode but it’s probably my least favorite of the show thus far along with Eddie’s ep. I love those characters but I don’t feel the show did their origin stories justice especially not when compared to the kinds of episodes the other characters had.

As for Buck’s story I was glad we were able to learn a lot of new information about his past, considering that was one of my big issues with Eddie’s ep that it felt like a lot of repetitive info we already knew. I’m glad we got to see what Buck’s life was like before he became a firefighter and learn more about his relationship with Maddie and that he had traveled a lot. Still as someone who grew up in an abusive home I feel like Buck’s origin story with his parents was handled pretty carelessly at points.

It’s kind of a common thing I’ve seen with shows though unfortunately. It just seems that most mainstream media doesn’t know how to handle abuse storylines (especially abusive parents) unless it’s storylines dealing with more commonly understood abuse like physical or sexual. If it’s abuse like Buck and Maddie endured where their life looked perfect on the surface but underneath there’s neglect and emotional abuse tv shows often give the parents an excuse (like they were grieving) and finds a way for the family to come back together at the end. Because they weren’t really “that bad”. But emotional abuse like Buck endured can sometimes be worse than physical.

It’s clear that Buck’s parents are toxic and that Maddie and Buck should both stay as far away from them as possible. I was really bothered by the scene with Buck and his parents at the firehouse. It felt like the show sort of absolved Buck’s parents of all their wrong doing and made it seem like they cared about him, like they always had when it was clear they never really did. They had him to save Daniel and when he couldn’t it’s obvious they resented him. I mean look at that whole thing with the baby box. That’s how little they cared about him. They didn’t even make a box to remember his important moments. Yes people can grow and change but they don’t do it over night and abusers rarely change.

I know there was a line Buck said (to Maddie) at the end about how he could forgive them because he’s never felt like he had a relationship with them in the first place so it didn’t really matter, which makes sense in theory but in real life that’s never how it is when you’ve grown up with abusive parents. You can try and detach yourself emotionally from them all you want but they’re still your parents, there’s still a part of you that will always hurt from never being loved the way you deserved by the people who were supposed to love you the most. Things like that don’t get wrapped up all nice and neat like like it felt like they tried to do with Buck and his parents. I am glad Buck got to express some of how he felt when they all had that dinner together but he definitely didn’t owe his parents forgiveness.

------------

The part I had the biggest issue with though was at the end when Buck went to see Maddie. Buck had every right to be angry and remain angry for awhile, at the very least Buck had a right to tell Maddie how he felt and express why he was angry and hurt by what she did and I felt like the show robbed him of that.

Buck walked in the door talking about how he had basically lashed out on Maddie because he knew that no matter what she would forgive him. It’s not Maddie who needed to do the forgiving it was Buck. Buck had trusted her his whole life. She had been like a defacto parent for all intents and purposes as his parents refused to be there for him the way he needed and now he finds out the one person in this world who has been a constant in his life (at least before he joined the 118) has lied to him about something huge. It makes sense he wouldn’t just shake that off. So for the show to just have him come in and act like everything is fine with him and Maddie I felt like was a huge problem and major disservice to Buck’s character and growth.

I’m not saying I didn’t want Maddie and Buck to make up, I definitely did. But Buck has never been good at putting his true feelings first and expressing himself. Buck has been selfish at times (plenty in season 1) but he has never been good about speaking up for what he needs and speaking truthfully to the people in his life about things he was dealing with. I mean he barely told Abby how he felt when he saw her again, he mostly stayed quiet and let her make it all about herself when he really should have been like “wtf why did you ghost me for no reason?”. Or when he didn’t tell everyone how hard he was pushing himself to go back to work and then developed a blood clot, or when he was scared to tell everyone he was seeing a therapist. He holds a lot back.

My point is if we’re supposed to be seeing Buck mature into a “better” version of himself he even said something about Buck 3.0 in a recent episode. How can that change happen if the show doesn’t let him evolve and let his relationships evolve. Even with the 118. I know they love him but I feel like they still see him as the hot headed screw up from season 1 sometimes. It’d be nice if they saw how much he’s grown too. (Not talking about Eddie. Eddie sees Buck more than anyone else does. He was the only one who told Buck he had every right to express how he felt and that he didn’t have to forgive his parents.)

Back to Maddie I think it was vital for Buck and for their relationship that we should have seen Buck tell her something like “it hurt that you kept that from me when you were the only family I ever really had (before the 118)”. I love Buck and Maddie’s relationship so I’m not saying I wanted some huge fight or for it to get drawn out on the show but I wanted Buck to express his pain and for him to call Maddie out on how wrongly she handled things. I know that she was also a victim of their parents abuse (not to mention everything with Doug) but that doesn’t absolve her from her lies to Buck once they both weren’t living with their parents anymore.

To be honest I don’t even understand why Maddie called her parents to come to LA. She said something about how because she has a baby on the way she wanted to reconnect with them but there is no connecting with people who are that toxic. And her need to connect with them shouldn’t have had to involve Buck if he didn’t want to see them. I definitely don’t understand why Maddie thought it was her place to tell their parents about Buck going to therapy especially without asking him. She told Buck that he should open up and tell them how he’s been feeling but like why? They clearly never cared about his feelings before and it was obvious when they all had dinner together they still don’t. At the dinner I didn’t like how Maddie seemed to be quiet most of the time or trying to just keep the peace with her parents vs standing up for Buck the way he did for her. At one point their mother got upset talking about the hospital and it sounded like she was going to talk about Daniel and Maddie stopped her. It’s like Maddie didn’t want the secret to get out to Buck either. Yet Maddie had no problem telling Chimney.

I’ve seen people saying stuff like no one better hate on Maddie. I don’t hate Maddie but I have a lot of issues with choices she made and the fact that it didn’t feel like she owned up to them to Buck at the end. It’s altered how I look at her and her relationship with Buck to a extent. Maddie lied to Buck even when she didn’t have to anymore. She told other people something that she should have only been telling Buck. She told her parents Buck’s business. She brought her parents to LA without asking Buck if he wanted to see them. She tried to excuse her parents by saying “they were grieving” . Grief is not an excuse to keep huge secrets from your children, to lie to them continually, and it’s definitely not an excuse to abuse your children.

I have empathy for what Buck’s whole family went through including his parents. I can’t imagine the kind of pain that parents would go through losing their child. But no child should have to bare the burden of their parents pain and that’s essentially what they made Maddie and Buck do.

I know this got pretty long but Buck is my favorite character I relate to him a lot, even more so after watching some of the current episodes. These eps about his family were just painful. I wanted to protect Buck because I felt like no one in his family was. I know what he was feeling in these episodes. Alone and unloved and like he couldn’t trust anyone and like no one in his family was on his side.

The whole montage at the end with Maddie and Buck which was supposed to tug on our hearts and remind us of this great bond they share as siblings ended up feeling kind of hollow to me. I think it could have been a beautiful scene if the show had used it after allowing them to talk about what had happened. It would have shown all they had been through and how they had grown and were moving forward. That they were all the (biological) family they needed and their parents didn’t matter. But since the show didn’t allow that kind of recognition the montage felt more like the show was saying we’re just going to sweep all that drama under the rug now it’s over and done with, here’s some pretty pictures. You don’t instantly move on from knowing someone you trusted lied to you your whole life. I just really wish the show would have done better for Buck in these episodes and better with telling a storyline about abuse. I know this is probably an unpopular opinion but I just felt like I needed to rant about it. If you made it down this far thanks for reading. 💗

#please do not send hate if you disagree #911 fox #evan buckley #buck #buck begins #911 s4*#911 4x05 #911 4x04 #long post #buck and maddie #buck s4 #tw: child abuse #tw: abuse #911!

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squiddybeifong · 3 years

Text

Not-Quite Couples Therapy, Chapter 4

On Ao3 here!

Raven had sat in her car until the very last possible second, her head in her hands. Hoping that simply tearing up wouldn’t make her eyes too red, the goth begrudgingly made her way into the building. She hesitated at the sight of the stairwell’s door and opted to take the elevator again, resting against the metal railing as she watched the ‘Level 5’ button light up under the press of her finger.

Donna and Dr. Quinzel were greeting each other in the hallway when the elevator’s shrill ding! rang in the air. Raven sheepishly waved at them as she walked up, fiddling with her rings and ignoring the slight furrow in Donna’s brow as the three entered the office.

The psychiatrist gave a small smile as she sat in her armchair and crossed her legs, watching as Raven and Donna sat in their usual spots. Blue eyes looked over the couple, deciding that the harrowed look in Raven’s eyes and the tension in her shoulders should be the first thing to address. “How’s everything been going, you two?”

Dr. Quinzel briefly met Raven’s gaze, “We could talk about the obvious elephant in the room?” Her voice took on a lilt at the end, the therapist obviously not wanting to upset her before the session could really begin.

Donna leaned back in the loveseat, glad that she wasn’t going to be the first one to be analyzed as Raven softly deadpanned, “You mean my father.”

The blonde considered the emotions that the goth kept hidden just below the surface, her smile softening into something that was both professional and maternal as she saw how terrified Raven was at where the conversation was going. Dr. Quinzel’s answer came out as a sigh, “Yes, if you’d like to talk about him.”

Blue eyes flicked to Donna for just a second, “And how this has been affecting your relationship.”

Donna moved to play with one of her numerous bracelets, twisting one of the plastic ones around her wrist as the whir of the air conditioning filled the office. Raven, biting the inside of her cheek, fought the urge to let out a sigh at the psychiatrist’s words.

Her voice quiet, the goth admitted, “It has been straining some of my relationships, actually.”

Gray eyes flicked to Donna for the briefest of moments, Raven’s gaze settling in her lap as she intertwined her fingers and squeezed until the pads of her fingers turned white with pressure. “Kori --she’s my best friend, she hasn’t been sleeping right since the manhunt started.” Dr. Quinzel silently made note of the way Raven’s voice cracked at the word ‘manhunt’ but she didn’t speak up about it, something that the goth was eternally grateful for.

Taking in a breath through her nose, Raven closed her eyes and continued, “I don’t really tell people my last name anyway, but some of those who know… they’ve been avoiding me.” With her face facing her lap, Raven didn’t see the way Donna’s face hardened at the revelation, her fingers pinching the thin plastic of her bracelets, just barely remembering not to let them snap in the air. A shaky sigh slipped out of the goth as she fiddled with her rings, “The library doesn’t even want me helping out the kids until he’s caught.”

“That’s awful,” Dr. Quinzel gently spoke. She didn’t look at her notes as she wrote down her observations, her gaze continually going to the expected mishmash of emotions that crossed Donna’s painfully obvious features. The rock climber certainly understood why Raven was being pushed out, perhaps a sizable part of her even wanted to join the crowd in their exclusion, but there was something concerned and protective in Donna’s face that needed to be addressed if the couple was to get through the session.

Dr. Quinzel chewed the end of her pen, knowing where she wanted to take the conversation, “But Raven, I need to ask you something.” The goth looked up, an almost expectant glimmer of emotion that came in the dark circles around her eyes. She obviously hadn’t been sleeping properly, but the psychiatrist was struck with the understanding that Raven fully expected to be attached to her father’s decisions, no matter how badly she didn’t want to be.

“You do know that nothing he does is your fault, correct?” The blonde kept an eye on Donna as Raven sat on her hands, “We can’t control others’ actions, just our own. And from what I’m seeing, you seem to want nothing to do with him. I won’t fault you for that, Raven.”

Donna softly tilted her head, crossing her arms as she added, “And I won’t either.”

Raven’s head whipped to the side so fast Dr. Quinzel worried that she gave herself whiplash. Obviously not expecting Donna to be on her side, the goth tried to play off her surprise, tucking the wayward strands of hair back behind her ear. She inadvertently shrunk back half an inch when Donna met her stare head-on, the rock climber’s voice dropping low as she tersely added, “But that doesn’t mean I’m not fucking horrified that Dick thought to set us up.”

Raven’s face hardened and a retort was on her lips when Dr. Quinzel interrupted; aiming a reassuring smile the couple’s way, she rolled with the change in topic, “Yes, it’s out in the open. Donna, you know what Raven’s father has done, but his actions are his own. Raven has nothing to do with it, so how does that make you feel?”

“I just don’t know why Dick set us up, then.” Donna stretched her bracelet around her wrist over and over again, the repetition in both her words and her fingers’ movements just barely keeping her leg from bouncing as wildly as she wanted.

Her brows furrowed, “I have expectations. For myself and for who I keep in my life. I don’t know why he’d think I wanted to be with the daughter of a fucking druglord.” Raven winced at the venom in her date’s voice and ran a hand through her hair. Her voice was quiet and resigned when she spoke, turning her head to the fern painting as she repeated her claim from their last session, “We don’t even know each other.”

Donna clicked her tongue and fought back a scoff, “We don’t.”

Dr. Quinzel let out a knowing hum, professional experience knowing how close they were to getting a bit too personal. She clicked her pen and gently redirected the conversation, “Well, we could always come back to the topic later on.”

Raven crossed her legs and leaned against the loveseat’s arm, none of the tension leaving even as she stared at the fern’s brushstrokes. Dr. Quinzel once again worried that she’d gnaw a hole through her cheek but leaned back in her armchair rather than commenting on the couple’s coping strategies that she’d seen so far.

“Now, as for Donna,” Dr. Quinzel started, “You seemed to be worried about your family issues affecting your relationship as well. Would you like to speak on it?”

The rock climber seemed to start to panic, shaking her head and pulling her hands to her lap at the sudden flash of attention. Her voice was clipped as she forced a smile, “I’m fine.”

Raven didn’t look away from the fern but her chin did inch towards Donna, who was awful at keeping emotion out of her voice. Dr. Quinzel’s encouraging smile lit up the room, “This is a safe space, Donna. It’s fine to get uncomfortable; that’s kinda what therapy’s for.”

The blonde tilted her face, discreetly checking her notes as she assumed, “Is this about Diana?”

Donna’s eyes widened and Dr. Quinzel let out a knowing sigh, “Sibling rivalry is rather commonplace and completely natural, you know.”

“No, it’s not a rivalry,” Donna shook her head, her opposition to the word compelling her to speak. Her fingers clasped in her lap for a moment as she tried to think of what it was that she felt so jealous of when it came to her older sister, but when words failed her she resorted to fiddling with her bracelets again.

“It’s not like we compete or anything. I mean we do, but that’s sparring or trying out new techniques for when we actually try out for competitions.” Donna looked down at her lap, her glare loosening as she tried to put her feelings into words, “It’s never been a fight for how many accolades we can get. We’ve always celebrated each other’s accomplishments; she was in my corner when I taught a new rock climbing class and I was in the stands when she won both her Olympic golds. I just…”

Donna leaned back in the loveseat, sinking into the leather as she finally admitted, “I just can’t keep up.”

Dr. Quinzel didn’t comment on the dejection that filled the muscular woman’s voice, instead making note of it on paper. She nudged her glasses higher up her nose, “And that obviously bothers you. Have you ever talked to Diana or anyone else about this?”

Donna shrugged and rubbed the back of her neck, “Dick knows, I guess.”

“You don’t seem glad about that.”

The psychiatrist’s observation was met with a snort, “Well, yeah. He’s pretty much pierced it together from when I vent to him. I mean, I can handle getting my ass handed to me and I can even handle always being the second best.” A bit of resentment was creeping into her voice, “It’s fine to not be the first choice; I’m okay being Donna, the constant runner up. But it’s just--”

She stopped fiddling with her bracelets and let her shoulders slump as she realized why even the mention of her older sister brought a surge of anxiety in her stomach: there was something awful about being second best to someone who was too genuine to even think about being a sore winner. “She’s always so damn encouraging. It doesn’t matter if I’m too slow to qualify again, Diana’s gonna be there cheering me on.” Donna palmed her face with one hand, her words coming out in an incredulous laugh as she tried to bite back the glassiness that was taking over her eyes, “Even if it’s after she beats me in a sport she doesn’t even like!”

Raven shifted in her seat as Dr. Quinzel hummed out, “At least it’s good to have someone positive to go up against.”

That got her a laugh, this one softer than before. Donna wiped at her eyes, “I know! She cares a lot and even if I know the good that Diana can do outside of shot put and rock climbing… seeing how good she is at everything, I can’t help but wonder--”

Gray eyes just barely refrained from glancing at Donna. Raven let out a noisy huff through her nose as she palmed her face, easily guessing where Donna was going as she muttered under her breath, “What you’re good enough at?”

Running a hand through her hair, Donna tossed her hands in the air, “--then why aren’t I good enough?”

Raven furrowed her brows but elected to stay silent; Dr. Quinzel gave her a small smile, leaning forward to rest her clipboard on her knees as she tried to reassure her client, “I haven’t known you long but I sure think you are.”

“And I know I’m not.” Donna bit back a scoff and turned her head to look at her date, commenting on her silence, “And let me guess, Raven. You’ve already seen something, right? You already know why?”

Raven jerked back at Donna’s question, her eyes widening as she whipped her head to look at the rock climber, “I don’t think…” Her lips twitched as she faltered, “I mean I never said--”

“Oh I know you never said it out loud. Why would you? I’m just the jock who can’t even dream of living up to her family.”

Dr. Quinzel was hastily scribbling in her notebook as she let their conversation play out, determined only to interrupt if they resorted to insults. Neither of her clients noticed. Donna crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, her growing impression of her date’s background finally bubbling to the surface, “I’m not like you, Raven. I’m not the one who just has to not be a fuckup to be better than the rest of my lot.”

Her stare didn’t waver as Raven’s lips pursed into a thin line, the goth’s words coming out clipped, “At least you have a family to measure up to.”

There was a tense second of silence as the two glared at each other. Raven, against her better judgment, spoke out a parting quip, “Even if you’re too ungrateful to see it.”

She clicked her tongue and held Donna’s glower, her words aimed at the therapist as she spat out, “Can you imagine being annoyed at a sibling that actually puts in effort to encourage you? Who cares if you’ll never be able to measure up! At least you have an environment where you’ll be supported to try to get better.”

Donna scoffed, her anger getting the better of her as she crossed her arms, sarcastically agreeing with her, “Better to be annoyed by an overaccomplishing sister than to be associated with a murder-happy druglord, I suppose.”

Dr. Quinzel put down her pen and clapped once, holding her clasped hands together against her chest as tensions flared, “Okay! That’s quite enough. How about we reset things, hmmm?”

The couple didn’t break their stare, both bitterly wondering why their friends were so insistent on setting them up with someone who obviously didn’t understand the pressure that the other felt. Raven narrowed her eyes at her date, “No thanks. How about we just stop early again?”

“I would strongly advise against that,” Dr. Quinzel said. She sat up in her armchair, her jacket’s red shoulderpads and blue handkerchiefs reflecting the light onto her face and giving the lines of her mouth a more serious look. “You two need to learn how to properly communicate how you’re feeling, but we absolutely must go over proper arguing techniques.”

Both glanced at her from the corner of their eyes and Dr. Quinzel surged on, glad to have their attention. She held out her hands, her smile a bit strained, “You two are partners. There’s no reason to--”

“But we aren’t partners!” Donna’s words came out as an exasperated cry as she uncrossed her arms. She ran a hand through her hair and hastily wiped at her eyes, hating how she always lost her cool whenever her inadequacies came up.

Raven’s face hardened at her date’s somewhat accurate claim, forcing a nonchalant shrug as she abruptly stood to put back on her jacket, “She’s right. We aren’t.”

Dr. Quinzel’s concern was palpable as she tried to make eye contact with either of her clients, Knowing that both women were bound to be out of her office before they could resolve what had been said, the psychiatrist urged them one last time, “You two need to actually try to understand each other’s side. There’s a lot of familial pain for both of you; you’re actually rather similar in that regard. If you’d let me show you how to talk it out--”

Donna’s face scrunched up at the idea, her hands practically circling each other as she methodically played with her bracelets. Raven kept her face towards that painted fern, a sigh slipping out of the goth as she curled her fingers to keep her rings on while sliding her jacket over her arms. Gray eyes kept flicking around the room, picking up on how Donna seemed ready to jump out of her seat the longer they were in the same room.

Raising her voice a notch to do some sort of damage control before Raven could leave the room, Dr. Quinzel sighed out, “Okay, fine. You two take some time to cool off. Sometimes that’s what’s needed most. But do know I expect to see you both next week.”

The goth’s movements faltered for half a second then she practically teleported to the door, her pale hand tightening on the knob as she bid goodbye, “Thanks, Doctor.”

Dr. Quinzel’s eyes went to Donna as the tall woman sat on the edge of her seat, fiddling with her bracelets until the plastic one that she’d been favoring that day finally snapped, stretched too far without a reprieve. The therapist gave her a soft smile, not commenting on the bracelet’s fate, “There’s still quite a bit of time before 4 o’clock, Donna. We could still talk over what you said about Diana--”

The rock climber let out a choking sort of cough as she interrupted Dr. Quinzel, hiding her discomfort with an awkward smile. There was a hidden hope in her eyes that the half minute would be enough for Raven to have completely left the building as she stood from the loveseat.

“I’d love to, but I gotta go. Bye, Dr. Q,” Donna ran a tongue over her teeth but she didn’t wait for a response, almost skipping as her rushing steps took her out of the office and into the stairwell. As her sneakers loudly slapped on the concrete steps, Donna ran a hand through her long hair and tried to think of whether or not Dick was working a double shift that day; she desperately needed someone to spar with.

Back in office 527, all was quiet except for the ticking of the clock, which read 3:46. Leaning back in the plushness of her chair, Dr. Quinzel chewed on her bottom lip as she let out a sigh, staring up at the ceiling. The blonde let her brows raise, the full scope of disbelief and concern that professionalism concealed during the session finally showing on her face; it had certainly been a while since she’d had to witness such an argument during couples counseling. Letting out a sigh as she braced herself on the chair’s arms, Dr. Quinzel softly got up from her chair, closing the door to her office.

Neither Donna nor Raven knew how to properly argue within a relationship, that was for sure.

Her red-tipped nails clashed against her blue pen as she sat at her desk and scribbled out a single word on how the day’s session had gone, her lips in a thin line as she wondered what she’d see when she saw them the next week: ‘Disastrous.’

#wonderbird #donnarae #donna troy #raven #harley quinn #blind date couples therapy au #my writing #the angst chapter has arrived!!!!#that line about rae just not needing to be a fuckup is what was holding this chapter up tbh. I wrote it w/out thinking and then it killed me #jfc that fight was agony to write y'all. there is a Possibility that I was an unwilling witness to a really bad break up at like 3 am #in an ihop. my sister and I were looking into our pancakes like ;-; so I wanted to give harls that same vibe. feel like it came out well #anywho this chapter puts us at juuuust over 11k! 9k left of reconciliation and harley being a good therapist #and reconciliation means apologies which means flirting which means F L U F F so yknow. I'm Excited

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loveisharderthanitlooks · 3 years

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Thoughts on S02E04

Owen was absolutely intolerable this episode. He really does have great hair though.

I love seeing Marjan being a badass on the rink and the four guys there to cheer her on. We don’t usually get to see women in TV dramas play sport and have the men cheer them on. It was cool. And so aggressive.

I think I like the arranged marriage storyline here. I mean, it’s not the best storyline they could have given her. But as Marjan points out, it is a very common practice in a lot of countries and cultures and a show with so much diversity should show diverse cultures. I appreciate that it was shown in a positive light. It’s not something that Marjan resents or feels oppressed by, she defended it because she believes in it and the positive aspects of it were nicely contrasted with the disaster of the wedding they attended.

That wedding scene was actually so gross.

It’s really jarring to see some people at the wedding wearing masks and remembering that the pandemic is happening in this world too. Especially after just seeing everybody at the derby with zero mask wearing or social distancing. Are the 126 anti-maskers?

If they don’t want to depict the pandemic, just pretend it’s over or it never happened. I mean, we’re all pretending that Austin is sitting on top of an active volcano and life is just continuing as normal. We can pretend the pandemic is over too.

Carlos has also followed his father into law enforcement. It’s interesting that both Carlos and TK have followed their father’s career paths. But while TK has followed his father’s path so closely they work in the same firehouse, Carlos has opted for a different branch. There’s a meta post there about TK’s need to be close to his father and Carlos’ need for distance from his.

The timing in this episode bugs me. Carlos and TK are at the farmer’s market in the middle of the day, cut to Marjan and Salim at the restuarant at night, cut back to Carlos and TK getting back from the farmer’s market to have their fight. What were they doing all day? How long does it take to drive home from the farmer’s market?

Carlos being uncomfortable introducing TK to his parents even though he’s out is really sad and I’m annoyed at TK for shouting at him, even though I think his feelings are valid too. It’s a pretty common issue for lots of LGBT+ people that even when they’re out it can be very difficult to be out around family, and as a gay person, it feels like TK should be a little more understanding of somebody being caught by surprise and introducing their partner as a friend.

Just because they’re both gay does not mean that they have had the same experiences growing up. I think TK forgets his privilege - he grew up in Manhattan, with liberal parents, he has always worked with his dad, and the 126 were handpicked by Owen as part of a diversity drive. I’ve no doubt he’s experienced prejudice, but nothing like Carlos would have as a gay Latino in Texas. As with Marjan, there are differences in their cultures and experiences.

Owen and Gwyn absolutely sucked at listening to TK and giving him advice. Thank goodness he’s in therapy and has learned how to communicate his feelings from a professional because his parents suck. It’s actually sad. The relationship between Owen and TK was so lovely in season one, but now Owen is completely focused on Gwen and Gwen might has well be his second wife for all the relationship she has with TK. I mean when she showed up at the station in the middle of their shift, TK was right there and they didn’t even acknowledge each other.

I just really love the relationship between Marjan, Paul and Mateo.

Marjan literally grinding an axe - perfection.

NOTHING phases Grace. Scorpions, guy choking in his dead friend’s ashes, guy in a gun case, Imp - she just rolls with it. The scene with the imp was amazing. I love that the rest of the call center operatives all listened in and then just went back to work. Like yeah, it’s a weird one but we get weird ones all the time here.

YOU LOOK AT BABY CARROTS WITH ENVY!! Nothing can ever top that line.

Thank you, your Grace. That was amazing. I DIDN’T FEEL A THING. Perfection.

Judd is the holder of Owen’s single brain cell.

Carlos and TK have such lovely chemistry. Massive kudos to Rafael and Ronen for how they portray their relationship.

I loved the talk between them. Communication is so sexy.

It’s not like I demand to see them kissing (especially in the midst of a pandemic) but if that had been a straight couple there would have been a kiss. All the straight couples have kissed. We know at least one other Tarlos kiss that was filmed and then cut. There should have been a kiss at that point.

Carlos’s hands are so big. I’ve never noticed that before.

The lyrics of the song when Marjan is walking down the hotel hallway is “for you”. I heard “fuck you” and I had to google it because I thought I was losing my mind.

Where Marjan’s storyline for this episode feels like it has wrapped up and complete, Carlos’s story doesn't and it’s something that will play out in future episodes.

I did not see the pregnancy plot coming. It’s not going to end well, is it? Lisa Edelstein isn’t going to stick around Lone Star forever. At some point she’s going to leave. Worst case scenario she dies and Owen becomes a single father to a baby. (Best case scenario, she returns to New York and Owen goes with her. TK stays with Carlos. Judd takes over as Captain.) Most likely scenario, the baby doesn’t make it. It plays into Owen’s belief that he’s invincible but those around him get hurt.

#911 lone star #s02e04 #my thoughts

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a-student-out-of-time · 3 years

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ASOOT Timeline: May 2012 (Part 2)

It’s Gonna Be May, Part 2 of 3! We’re transitioning from Twilight to Practical Exams, with a few new friends joining the party! One of the main things I’ve learned from doing this timeline is that a lot can happen over ten days.–Timeline Anon

May 15:

The Student Council debates the recent events. Asukasei Hino doesn’t particularly care, as the only people who were hurt were Reserve Course students, but Kiriko calls him out on his attitude. They are all informed that Hope’s Peak has decided not to make the incident public.

Mahiru chides Honami for trying to kill Natsumi, but assures her that they are still friends.

Honami is going to have regular therapy sessions from Miaya from now on.

Natsumi wakes up in the infirmary and is consoled by Fuyuhiko and Peko.

May 18:

Hajime returns to school and is officially introduced to everyone in Class 77-B that he hasn’t already met yet (Sonia, Kazuichi, Gundham Tanaka, Akane, Nekomaru, Teruteru Hanamura, and the Ultimate Imposter).

Chisa talks to Jin Kirigiri and Koichi Kizakura. She convinces the headmaster to advocate on Honami’s behalf to the Steering Committee.

Mikan is still taking care of Natsumi in the infirmary; Natsumi is mostly all right except that her throat hurts from the strangulation, making it hard for her to talk. The two girls start to become friends.

Miaya promises to help Honami through her issues.

Fuyuhiko thanks Hajime for saving Natsumi’s life. In gratitude, he offers the Kuzuryu Clan’s assistance should Hajime ever need anything. Hajime talks him into sparing Honami from the Clan’s wrath.

Mahiru thanks Hajime for saving Honami. She even hugs him.

Hajime meets with the Steering Committee and officially rejects involvement in the Kamakura Project, giving the Committee an epic “the reason you suck” speech in the process. His scholarship is cancelled, but he is allowed to continue attending Hope’s Peak thanks to Chiaki’s money.

May 19: Natsumi is released from the infirmary with no lasting damage. She gives Mikan her number.

May 20: Honami is suspended until the fall semester, but she’s allowed to keep seeing Miaya for therapy sessions.

May 21:

Hajime and Chiaki begin their next mission: stopping the terrible events of the Practical Exams. Chiaki’s first order of business is to establish a friendly relationship with the trio at the heart of this issue: Ruruka Ando, Sonosuke Izayoi, and Seiko Kimura. Hajime, meanwhile, takes on the side mission of exposing the secrets of Hope’s Peak Elementary in order to save the Warriors of Hope.

Umeko is making a tachyon detector for the Practical Exams. The detector will prove that tachyons are real…and reveal any time travelers in the area.

Nagito suggests that Mikan should talk with Seiko.

May 23:

After an episode involving time drugs, Umeko tells Chiaki about her new project. Chiaki is understandably concerned.

While investigating priority targets online, Hajime finds out that the Otonokoji twins are coming to Tokyo in the summer for a concert. He manages to secure tickets from Ibuki, who thinks that he wants to go on a date with Chiaki.

Hajime gives Chiaki a list of important people who were caught up in the Utsuroshima killing game, then fills her in on the situation with the concert. Chiaki, in turn, warns Hajime about Umeko’s tachyon detector. They consider bringing her on board their team. Before leaving, Chiaki admits that if Hajime had asked her to the concert for real, she would’ve said yes.

May 24:

At the front gates, Ibuki is giving Mahiru some advice about how best to support Honami when, all of a sudden, a young journalist shows up looking for interviews. Said journalist is Nikei Yomiuri, one of the people on the Utsuroshima list. Chiaki arrives in the middle of Nikei’s interview with Ibuki, recognizes his name, and gets his business card. She also mentions Hope’s Peak Elementary to him.

Ibuki, who is clearly trying to be Hajime’s wingwoman, gives Chiaki some extra information on the Otonokojis and their band, Melody Rhythm.

Later in the evening, Hajime contacts Nikei and promises him the story of the century if he can find Hope’s Peak Elementary and dig up information on their dirty little secrets (as well as those of the WOH parents) before Class 77’s practical exams. Nikei agrees, and the two begin to work together via dummy email accounts and the like. This is the first time that Hajime uses the name “Kasugano” to hide his identity. This alias, which was the name of Hajime’s old favorite teacher, is going to stick.

Fuyuhiko and Natsumi have a long-overdue late-night conversation about Natsumi’s insecurities. Fuyuhiko tells his sister that he would never leave her behind, that they’re equals, and that she needs to do what makes her happy without worrying about what other people think.

May 25:

Natsumi calls Hajime early in the morning, tells him about the talk she had with her brother, and thanks him for saving her life. She also requests that he meet her at school on Monday so that she can give him something.

Mahiru feels insecure about the photo collage she’s planning for her exam, but Honami reassures her that her photos will inspire people around the world.

Hajime spends time with Hiyoko and buys her some yellow-less gummies.

Hajime meets Ruruka and Sonosuke. He learns a bit about their talents, their relationship, and Ruruka’s friendship with Seiko. The latter proves problematic, as Ruruka both greatly admires Seiko’s skills and resents the fact that Seiko can’t eat her candy. Furthermore, Ruruka is resistant to the idea of making sugar-free candy that Seiko can eat.

Mikan confirms that Hajime’s ankle is a lot better now. Chiaki comes to pick Hajime from the infirmary, and while Mikan is distracted with medical supplies, Hajime and Chiaki make plans to meet Umeko by the fountain at 1 AM the next morning. Unbeknownst to them, Mikan overhears this.

Hajime and Mahiru have a bonding moment where Mahiru admits that she had him pegged as unreliable at first. She’s glad that she was wrong. Chiaki teases Hajime about his obvious crush.

Nikei contacts Hajime with some dirt on one of the WOH parents: Junya Utsugi is cheating on his wife with his dental assistant. There are even photos!

#mod talks #a student out of time #submission

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keshetchai · 3 years

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personal posting / alcoholic parent mention / medical

first mentioning that im furious at my primary care for not referring me for a covid vaccine because she can’t...prove i have asthma, because ??? “just because i prescribed an inhaler doesn’t mean you have asthma.” like, ...okay, whatever. thanks.

unfortunately, i do not feel excited for pesach. I actually love pesach. but I love it in person, face to face, at a table of people. i can’t have that. that’s probably for the best because as much as I love pesach, I don’t love a holiday with four cups of wine as a central ritual when my low-contact/estranged father has been an alcoholic for 10+ years now and his poison of choice is red wine. he’s hit the stage where he is dying slowly, but that could last years or months. I don’t know.

late december he was formally diagnosed with covid-19, when we thought he’d already caught it early on. then after recovering he had a stomach surgery scheduled for a separate issue, and basically the hospital had to stop operating because he was bleeding too heavily as a result of his enlarged liver. they stopped with only a small percent of surgery done, and stabilized him a bit, and then he got transported back to the US. because he basically hit his healthcare limit from private insurance in another country. now he’s on VA stuff. i think they recently discharged him, or will discharge him in san diego.

his kidneys and liver are failing, in addition to major intestinal issues, his gallbladder needing removing, etc. i mean, he will absolutely die of liver failure if he drinks any more. but relapse is almost an inevitability after forced sobriety while hospitalized.

his siblings - my aunts and uncle - all finally realize truly how bad it is. my aunt karen is close enough we were able to talk (masked, in person) about why I am extremely low contact with my dad, why I was frustrated my aunts and uncle kept asking me if I’d heard from my dad...etc. because like, I don’t. we talk on birthdays, father’s day, maybe new years, maybe once about my brother.

i showed her my texts history where it was literally just

2020 - my birthday, his birthday, question about my brother.

before that was 2019, i think an exchange about getting me off of his cell phone plan formally.

i gave her all the sordid details, about his drinking when he had custody visitation with me and my brother, about telling my high school teachers he was not my custodial parent/an alcoholic/unreliable, how there were a serious of fracture points in our relationship that broke it bit by bit until finally in college he spent father’s day weekend trying to convince me to volunteer to kick myself out of his apartment where i’d been sleeping on an air mattress and working as a temp because his second wife decided to rant to him how much she hated me and wanted me gone. how i sent him an email calculating his alcohol expenses weekly and told him he owed me money. a million other little things... and she listened and understood and sympathized and was mad on my behalf.

but i sent an email informing her siblings also of some of this stuff, about my feeling that my dad needs rehab and that we can’t force him to go, and neither of them responded. and i know it got sent, because karen replied to my email too.

the other two have been silent. what hurts is that of course, my other aunt A did text me the other day, asking if i could join a family zoom meeting saturday night, with my dad, to check in on him. no response to anything I said about how I feel about my parent who is an addict and slowly dying, lmao. just join a zoom meeting. I had to pry to ask if it was like, going to be an ~intervention~ or something.

i was so relieved to be able to say “sorry, not this weekend. those are the first two nights of passover, I won’t be available.” i told her i could be there some other evening, but not to hold up everything on my account, even if my dad did ask if i would attend. i pity him, i do. but i can’t help but resent everything done, and what i learned when karen told me he inherited about $40,000 in early 2018? I think? and he’s spent it all. he was working and he still spent it. i know when my mom sued for back owed child support, he settled. I don’t think he paid up in full - which that inheritance might’ve done.

when my grandmother had lost an eye due to cancer, she also funded his trip to the ukraine to meet some woman. she needed that money to get a glass eye. but delayed it for her son. he ran out of money on this pointless trip and his siblings bailed him out. they’ve been paying for his plane tickets. he continued to ask his dying mother for money, until karen intervened a little, and even then...

he ran through forty thousand dollars after my grandma died. and didn’t think about anyone but himself with that money. my aunt basically - i mean in nicer words - explained i won’t inherit anything most likely, he probably doesn’t have assets anymore, and i was like, well, yeah.

...this sounds cold and awful but i have assumed for awhile my dad will die young and also that his siblings will have to pay for the funeral. even if i felt obligated to do something as his first born child -- I don’t have the money for funeral expenses, mostly because of him!

anyways i’m disappointed my family didn’t acknowledge anything i said, i’m sad pesach is going to be isolated again, i’ve been stressed about dealing with expectations about how i should feel about my dad dying, with digging up old resentment and hurt and having to think about him more than i ever normally do...

i finally submitted an intake form for the local jewish fam services therapy offerings and they were like “we don’t have openings now, we may in spring” today and i emailed back like “i’m fine waiting, it’s already spring....” time isn’t real anyways!

maybe i should look for other therapists right now but i wanted to go with jfs first lol. just. sigh.

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sleep-i-ness · 4 years

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Therapy (Bucky Barnes x reader)

For @just-trying-to-survive-marvel‘s 500 writing challenge

Prompt: “I don’t need your help. You’ve already done enough”

A/N: Is it bad to say how much I hated writing the end of this? It’s not edited because I just finished it but I hope you enjoy (please leave feedback) <3

Bucky had adopted the habit of carrying around a small black moleskin notebook on his regular walks spent exploring the ins and outs of New York City. Having spent so much of his life in and out of the cryochambers, brainwashed and mindless, nothing made sense in this strange new world. Some days he forgot where he was, thinking he was back in the 1930s with small, fragile Steve, who he needed to look after. Others, nothing made sense anymore, fragments of half-coherent thoughts flitting through his mind as he stared blankly at the wall in his dimly lit room. Those days he didn’t get out of bed until Steve dragged him out, sighing as he saw the brooding confusion brewing in Bucky’s mind. The rest, which lay few and far in-between, yet had been more frequent of late, were the only days where the modern world made any sense and he grabbed those opportunities with both hands. This meant he often ended up returning to the Tower many hours into the early morning, eyes shining with the day’s results as he discovered New York and how it had changed.

Steve often worried about him; the horrors of the past still haunted Bucky, and he never lost the ghosts from the past that hid behind his eyes. On his good days, Steve felt the hope inside him rekindle. Maybe one day he could have his best friend back, not the soulless husk that wandered around aimlessly nor the one stuck firmly in the past. The way Bucky’s eyes sparkled as he recounted the tall tales of the crazy trouble he had got himself caught up in reminded Steve of Bucky’s boxing days back in the ‘30s, where he would be wrapped up in his stories of the ring, adding elaborations wherever he could to make his adventures seem more interesting. Nearly always, they ended up with him victoriously defeating his opponent after a long and arduous struggle. Bucky had enjoyed painting himself to be the hero in these situations. Steve couldn’t ignore the irony, considering the unspeakable horrors HYDRA had put him through and terrible crimes he had been forced to commit. On Bucky’s bad days, Steve felt despair curl into its familiar spot in his heart.

Some part of him couldn’t let go of the image he had in his mind of his best friend and this new version just didn’t live up to what he expected him to be. Steve knew that was messed up. Of course, Buck was different. Being a brainwashed assassin for 70 years would do that. But thanks to the help of their friends in Wakanda, he’d been assured that all the brainwashing had been removed. Therefore, he’d hoped that the Bucky he’d known would return. And that all would go back to how it had been; him and Buck together through everything.

When he hadn’t, Steve could barely bear to be around him. Bucky hated to admit it, but it hurt. Knowing that his best friend was constantly disappointed in who he was. Seeing the corny smile slip off his face and his brow furrow when he thought Bucky wasn’t looking. Hence, Bucky tried to stay out for as long as possible, roam as far away from the Tower before Steve’s helicopter parent instincts kicked in. It was almost ironic that little Steve, well, not so little anymore, was the one looking out for him.

It should have been the other way round.

Therapy had been a word that Steve had offered up one day, accompanied with a shy smile. The team had a great one and Steve had been sure that no one would mind if Bucky booked a slot with her, he’d assured firmly. And thus, Bucky had instantly agreed, if not only to keep that smile on Steve’s face for a bit longer. To offer him hope that maybe one day he’d become the man Steve so desperately wanted him to be. The beaming grin in response had made the decision worthwhile; he wasn’t sure if he’d seen Steve that happy since regaining some sort of control over his brain again. He just hoped that he’d achieve whatever high expectation Steve held for this session.

Which was why Bucky was here. Opposite you, wearing a thick sweater in the summer sun to cover up his arm and lessen any fears you may have in response to seeing him. He had to remind himself that although you were a therapist, you were still just a civilian. And the media had not been kind to him.

“So, Mr Barnes, would you like a drink? Coffee? Tea? Water?” Your question takes him by surprise, that much is obvious in the small movement of his eyebrows, although the rest of him stays perfectly composed. He didn’t know what to expect from therapy, maybe something a bit more Good Will Hunting-esque. Or simply some talking, a Eureka-like moment and all problems instantly solved.

“Um, coffee would be nice… thank you. Black, no sugar.” When you got up to make it, he was even more confused. Why wouldn’t you just have a pot ready? Surely it would detract from the time with the client to have to fiddle around with the pot and sorting out the coffee granules.

The silence as they both waited for the pot to boil was deafening and Bucky soon found himself looking around the tiny yellow room with its monochromatic knick-knacks. Everything in here was sleek, almost succinct in its manner of serving a purpose and nothing more. The plain blue and white clock on the wall was geometric and placed directly next to three perfectly straight wooden shelves, each one painted a cool white.

Once the pot had boiled, Bucky found himself holding a steaming mug with a soppy depiction of a cartoon duckling on it. I Love Ducks More Than Humans, it loudly proclaimed. It felt out of place in this impersonal room, filled with items of purpose not decoration.

“Mr Barnes-”

“Please, call me Bucky.” He interrupted instinctively, smiling to ease the rudeness of his outburst. “Mr Barnes was my father and Lord knows how long he’s been dead.”

“Bucky, would you mind telling me what brought you to therapy?” Your grin is easy and genuine, putting him at ease as he leans back into the couch.

What had brought him to therapy? Bucky wasn’t sure of the answer himself; he didn’t have much of a reason except trying to change himself for Steve. But that wasn’t the answer you would be looking for, and there was no need to add another potential problem to his already mile-long list, starting with daddy issues, skimming over the numerous previous job-related traumas and now ending at fear of not being enough for his best friend. “I suppose it was Steve. He was worried for me and suggested therapy, so I wanted to give it a try.”

“But what do you want to get out of therapy? Not what your friend wants, you personally.”

Bucky hesitated. He knew that opening up would be good, and something about the simplicity of the place made it feel a lot easier to tell the whole truth to someone. “I don’t feel like myself, or who I used to be anymore. I’ve changed but people don’t seem able to see that.”

“I understand. It must be really difficult to not feel understood, can you tell me more?” Your voice was sweet, coaxing him to say more. It made his skin crawl, he felt like he was back at HYDRA with one of their ‘therapists’ who would coerce him into revealing information he wasn’t supposed to know and then they would wipe him, the excruciating pain reminding him that he couldn’t trust a therapist.

But these sessions were meant to help him. And so, he went back the next week, nodding with a fixed smile when Steve asked him how they were going. ‘Great.’ And the grin that Stevie gave him made it all seem like a good idea. Even though he felt like a cornered animal in the sessions.

It wasn’t your fault. You were lovely as far as he was concerned, but the way you spoke to him to get him to open up made him want to dive out the nearest window just to escape. And all this simmering frustration came to a head when you asked him a pointedly blunt question, nothing like the previous ones that had all danced around the topic.

“Bucky, I can tell that you’d rather not be here and we’re not making any progress unless you talk to me. What did HYDRA do to make you so afraid of what I’m asking you?”

Bucky froze, resentment bubbling up as he tried to regulate the words that were threatening to spit themselves out of his mouth. To attack her for not knowing. How could you know? How could you not? It was all over his file, the torture he’d undergone, and you had the audacity to ask what made him ‘so afraid’.

“You know what,” Bucky grimaced, biting down hard on his tongue.

“Bucky, please. I’m here to help. Please don’t shut me out because I haven’t understood you yet.” Her eyes pleaded with him to just give it a shot and he shuddered. He’d seen that expression before. It had usually twisted into a smirk as he was dragged away for yet another excruciating memory wipe.

“Maybe I don’t want your help. Maybe I’ve just been forced to come here but it’s turning out to be useless.” He bit back, hand clenching around the porcelain mug.

Your mouth opened and closed without a sound, face pulling into an awkward smile as you tried to soothe his raised temper. The longer you kept eye contact, the further your face fell and you gulped, throat clenching harshly.

Crash. The mug was crushed between his fingers and the tension was broken. You exhaled shakily, brushing your clammy palms against your long skirt. Bucky could hear your pounding heartrate from where he sat, a good few yards away. It filled him with remorse, like a splash of water to the face. He refused to be that person anymore

“I’ll grab a dustpan.” You smiled weakly, quickly moving out of his line of vision. Bucky didn’t move an inch, eyes staring blankly at where you’d sat. A shuffling noise by his feet startled him as you crouched down, scooping the shards up. He should be the one doing that, he realised.

“I’m afraid that’s the end of our session. But I do hope that you’ll come back next week, even if it feels like we’re getting nowhere.”

Guilt gnawed at Bucky as he nodded stiffly, making his way out the door without a single word. He turned round to say something to you, but when confronted with your face, he found he was unable to.

And the next week he was back. He would compare it to a drug, his inability to quit it, but that would imply that he enjoyed or craved therapy. He liked the way Steve seemed hopeful, less cautious around him. He liked your company, in a way. But he couldn’t stand the endless questions.

He was early, sat on one of the short armchairs stationed around her office. The person before him was loud, talking angrily about not being able to deal with it anymore and how he just couldn’t look at somebody. Was therapy meant to be that aggressive sounding? Your mild-mannered voice was much fainter and Bucky physically had to stop himself from leaning in to eavesdrop.

The door slammed open only moments later, Steve storming out and you hurriedly following him. When his eyes fell upon Bucky, he deflated, feet stuttering to a halt.

“I can’t do this.” His voice cracked as he spun round to look at you, eyes wild and frantic. Bucky frowned. “Buck, I can barely look at you without feeling like a failure. I thought once you’d had the brainwashing removed, you’d be back to normal. But you’re still not and…”

Bucky’s heartbeat was deafening in his ears, blood roaring as he drowned out the rest of Steve’s excuses. His eyes focused in on your face, patronizingly, mockingly sympathetic and he clenched a fist subconsciously. Some sort of exclamation from Steve at the sight of it caused him to forcibly relax all muscles, relieving any underlying tension that might still be visible. It did nothing to quell the sickening sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach, throat clenching as he tried to swallow an invisible block.

“I’m going to go.” Steve brushed past him, not even looking back once.

Did he feel any remorse? Bucky wondered, a bitter taste on his tongue. Any sadness? Guilt? Anything about telling Bucky that he couldn’t deal with this PTSD-riddled version? He never thought that Steve, who stood up to every bully and against anything and everything morally wrong, would turn his back on him just for not being the man he once was.

“Bucky?” Your tentative voice broke him out of his reverie, your vibrant yellow skirt cheerily mocking him.

“You did this.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. There was only one person who could have twisted Steve’s mind, who could have turned the one person that Bucky always thought would have his back against him.

“No.” You were defensive, suspiciously so, your posture stiff. You sighed, turning back to head into your office. “Will you come in?”

“I don’t need your help. You’ve already done enough. Aren’t you sick of destroying lives by twisting people’s emotions? Do you enjoy playing the saviour in order to create chaos?”

Your face fell at his words and Bucky felt a vindictive joy at the sight. He knew that it was unfair to enjoy seeing your cheery façade slipping, but he couldn’t help it. It was as if something deep inside him was egging on the cruel remarks on the tip of his tongue, begging him to cut deep with his words.

“Bucky, I won’t force you to come in, but my office is always a safe space for you to enter. Always.”

You turned with a forced smile, although it was more of a grimace, shoulders slumping as the door swung shut in Bucky’s face. He could hear a muffled sob through the door and a towering wave of icy guilt crashed down upon him, clearing the red haze.

He hadn’t meant to make you cry; it was just that… he wanted someone else to feel the same as he did.

He wanted someone else to get punished for Steve’s actions.

Bucky raised a metal fist, sleeve slipping down over his wrist as he hovered in front of the door. He wanted to offer some sort of apology, and comfort, because it clearly wasn’t your fault. Bucky had easily overlooked the months of awkward silences and faked smiles between him and Steve, but something had been wrong for a while.

It wasn’t your fault Steve was unable to let go of the past.

“Just give me a sec,” your voice quavered with a sniffle. A sharp burst of shame startled Bucky and he wheezed quietly, clutching at his left shoulder. The door tentatively swung open in front of him, your puffy face forcing a watery smile. “Oh. Bucky.”

“I’m sorry.”

His abrupt sentence startled you, a flicker of confusion flashing across your face. Bucky didn’t know whether he should feel worse about the fact that his apology was such a surprise to you, or just accept the fact that he’d been a complete and utter dick to you.

“It wasn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have just blamed you because you were there. I’ve been nothing but an asshole to you and I’m sorry.”

You blinked at him owlishly.

What else did you want him to say? Bucky shifted onto his left foot, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Do you want-“ “I’m just-“

Bucky shared a hesitant chuckle with you as your sentences tripped over each other’s. He gestured for you to continue speaking, unable to help the small smile that crept onto his face.

“Do you want to come in?”

Now, sat on the little white couch, steaming mug of coffee in his hands, Bucky looked at your hopeful face. You had assured him that you hadn’t meant to push last week and that you would go at the pace he felt comfortable with. This session you were starting off with his childhood and then, slowly, over time, trying to work your way to the present. Together.

Maybe therapy wasn’t so bad.

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anotheronechicagobog · 4 years

Text

Enemies to Lovers Noah Sexton x dawson!reader

requested by: @bitweird1

written by: @anotheronechicagobog

Warnings: swearing, mature themes, child neglect, slightly Dawson bashing but they really just didn’t know, canon compliant threats

You had spent your entire life struggling and working your ass off. No social life, extracurriculars for the sole purpose of applying to universities, and spending the majority of your life studying because according to your dad at least one Dawson had to become a doctor and your older siblings had decided that it wouldn’t be them, leaving you to do nothing but prepare for the future that had been hand-picked by the man you felt abandoned you. And then Noah fucking Sexton just waltzes in having put in half the effort and riding the coattails of his much more intelligent sister who gave up a career as a doctor because of sexism. He spent far too much of his time flirting with everything that had boobs and a pulse. You didn’t like him because he took nothing seriously and didn’t have a responsible bone in his body, and he hated you because you were incredibly uptight and didn’t have a sense of humour.

“Maybe you’d have more friends here if you didn’t have a stick shoved up your ass.”

“I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to become a doctor.”

Everyone was getting really sick of your fighting, so they banded together and made things worse. They had badgered you until Doris had enough and dragged you to Molly’s. You refused to drink or eat anything, resulting in more snide remarks between you and Noah. Just when everyone was developing a migraine before they were anywhere even close to drunk your parents burst through the door and marched over to you. And suddenly, everyone in the bar, including your siblings, were subjected to and twenty-minute rant from your parents about how you should be grateful they pushed you towards medical school and all the activities that got you scholarships, that they didn’t abandon you, and that they clothed and fed you because a third child cost so much money, how you never took anything seriously and were always joking around, and how you were a disgrace to the family. Once they finished, your dad dragged you out by your arm, your mom followed muttering about why couldn’t you be more like Gabby and Antonio.

You walked into the ED the next day as robotic as ever. The pitiful and awkward stares were ignored with ease, it was something you were quite used to if you were honest. Your parents were always scrutinized by your teachers and DCFS. At the end of the day, though, they weren’t abusive enough for any charges or housing changes to be set. They weren’t like that with Gabby and Antonio, who had mostly moved out by the time you were in kindergarden, you were their last chance to help them prove to their family that they didn’t fail as parents. And they made sure you knew it.

“Dr. Dawson, you’ve got a patient in treatment one. Also, uh, are you okay? I feel pretty bad about last night.”

“Oh, don’t worry about anything. I’m fine, and my parents were right I should’ve been studying. It was a poor decision on my part not to. I’m gonna get to this patient, but you really don’t need to feel bad, okay?”

She nodded absently as you turned your back to her. ”Hi, I'm Dr. Dawson, can you tell me what brought you in today?”

---------------------------------

Your patient had just gone up to the OR to have a blood clot removed and you made your way to the doctor’s lounge, followed by Noah Sexton. ”Hey, Y/N, are you-”

”Yes, Noah, I am okay. Yes, I'm sure. I am fine, I am always fine.”

”From my experience when people say they're fine they're usually not.”

”Noah, I am okay.”

“I don’t believe you.”

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The next few weeks were a maze of pitiful stares, hushed concerned words, and a silent Noah. All of it was completely unnerving. It all came to a head when Dr. Charles approached in the ED you about starting therapy with him, talking continuously about all the points ‘brought to his attention’, not even giving you the time to tell him the majority were false. “Excuse me?”

Your stomach coiled in anger at his words. Not only were you more than capable of doing your job, but you already had a therapist. With basket case parents like yours, it was blatantly obvious that therapy was required. But the audacity of your co-workers to gossip so much that it came to the point over half the points Charles brought up were complete BS was astounding. Not only that, but he’d apparently spent the last few days internet stalking you to try and find some of your demons. “Dr. Charles, do you consider me a danger or liability to any of the patients or doctors at this hospital because of my relationship with my parents?”

“No, you actually seem to be well balanced mentally.”

“Then what, on earth, made you think it was appropriate to go around behind my back asking everyone at the hospital their opinion about me and what happened at Molly’s, or stalk me online to try and get a read on me, and then ask me blatantly at work, in the middle of the shift, in front of all my co-workers and superiors? What made you think it was okay to loudly bombard me with rumours and hearsay while I’m working?”

“Well, I thought that since it’s my job to check on all the ED docs, I’d check on you.”

“... You’re joking, right? I am the only person in this department who goes to therapy. Don’t kid yourself, you don’t check on anyone here. You judge them and make sure they know it. And quite honestly, you don’t have the best reputation for looking out for the mental and emotional state of your colleagues. This confrontation was not only completely inappropriate, but rude, obnoxious, presumptuous, riddled with unchecked errors, and unprofessional.”

“That’s not how I would word it.”

“It’s how I see it, and how I’ll word it with HR.”

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No one was pitying you anymore, not since the tongue lashing you gave Dr. Charles, who was on very thin ice with the hospital. While bringing up Robin and Sarah may have been a bit of a low blow, it exposed some issues with Dr. Charles that needed to be addressed. The only person who acted as if you were made of glass was Noah Sexton. While he had been a bit of a pain in the ass, this was worse. He was being sickeningly nice to you and it was getting on your last nerve. Yes, your parents were abusive. Yes, you had a messed up and traumatic childhood. But did that limit your abilities? No. Did that make you mentally unstable requiring therapy and fragility from your coworkers? Absolutely not.

He came in with coffee exactly the way you liked it, again. With a muffin, again. “You have to stop.”

“Stop what, Y/N?”

“Stop acting weird. You don’t like me, you hate me, actually. The only reason you’re being nice to me is because my parents resent my existence. I do not need or want your pity. So stop treating me like a china doll, and start treating me like your coworker.”

“Okay, okay, I uh... I’m sorry. I just, I feel guilty, okay? I gave you such a hard time for being so frigid and then when your parents showed up at Molly’s and started screaming at you for existing and having a life of your own, it just all made sense. And I gave you shit and trouble for coping with your crazy-ass parents. And then Dr. Charles came by to talk to you and I just felt even worse because even though I didn’t tell him anything, it was our fighting that put the spotlight on you in the first place. You shouldn’t have had your dirty laundry aired to the entire hospital, that’s happened to me a few times and it’s horrible, and I feel bad because I know that I was a contributing factor to all the shit you’ve had to deal with at work.”

“I get where you’re coming from, but let’s be real, everything would’ve turned out exactly the same way if you weren’t involved. The gossip mill runs strong at Gaffney.”

“Yeah, it does. I still feel bad.”

“Well, you’re forgiven then. So you can stop treading delicately, buying me coffee, and being creepily nice to me.”

“I am not being ‘creepily nice’! And how can being nice be creepy anyway?”

“Yesterday you followed me around offering to help me take my gloves on and off constantly, to the point where a patient who came in for falling out of the ceiling above the women’s changeroom said ‘that’s just weird’.”

“... Okay. I’ll stop. But I gotta be honest, I don’t think I can go back to arguing with you all the time.”

“That’s fine, just stop acting so weird that a couple I caught having kinky sex after an STD swab said ‘that made us really uncomfortable’.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice. Seriously, you didn’t have to tell me twice.”

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SIX MONTHS LATER

You and Noah had actually managed to become good friends and roommates. Shortly after he started acting like a normal person around you, not an instigator or a psycho, you found yourself enjoying his company. And yesterday, when you’d come home to find your room completely torn apart by your mother because your father had tried to frame you for using weed, you were done. Most of what you owned had been destroyed in your mother’s search, which sucked, but it made packing up all your stuff into your car much easier.

So far you’d ignored 43 texts, 12 calls, two visits from Gabby when she brought in a patient, and one visit from Antonio who didn’t even bother trying to lie to you. He also threatened to impound your car, you threatened to tell Voight about the time he and Lindsay got drunk and hooked up. It didn’t even matter that she was in New York now, Voight wouldn’t even blink before bludgeoning him down. He swore at you, “how could you break mami’s heart like this?”, and “can’t you just behave and do what you’re told for once?”

You looked him dead in the eyes, heart beating erratically at you older brother supporting your parents belittling and abusing you, “You sound like dad Antonio.”, watched his face fall, and left. Noah stopped him when he went to follow you. “You good?”

“Uh, not really. I don’t have a place to go tonight.”

“Did your mom kick you out?”

“No, I left. I can’t do it anymore. I break out in hives whenever I even think about my mother now. I just can’t go back.”

“Well, you don’t have to. I have been looking for a roommate, we can move you into my place after shift.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Now come on, it’s prank week. Stohl pissed off Manning last week and she’s been planning revenge ever since, you do not want to miss this.”

And you didn’t. You entered the ED to find one of the most hated doctors in med spitting out Gatorade. “WHaT thE heLL?! That was sooo-ughghghg-” he couldn’t even finish his sentence before running to the doctor’s lounge to throw up in the bathroom. To Natalie’s credit, she didn’t crack a smile or react at all as she gracefully stepped over the spilled orange Gatorade. She briefly reminded you of a fae, graceful, beautiful, and cunning as all hell. You made a mental note never to cross her. Later at lunch, Natalie opened her sushi container, slightly deconstructed each piece, loaded all the pieces up with wasabi, reconstructed them, and popped one in her mouth. Everyone sitting near her had their eyes flash in recognition. Stohl had a habit of stealing other people’s food, and no matter how many times anyone told him to stop, they were just bullied into compliance. As a result, everyone had to dictate their food choices around his palette. Which meant no spicy food. Something that sucked for nearly everyone because hot food was a favourite for most people in the ED. But Manning wasn’t taking his shit. Not today. Something that worried everyone sitting around her because she would get in trouble for eating her own food how she liked it. It wasn’t until one of the HR workers, Holly, sat down beside Natalie and engaged in conversation that everyone realized the full scope of her plans. Stohl plopped down beside you and stole half of your sandwich right out of your hand. Ranting and raving, insulting everyone, stealing food, he made his way all around the circular cafeteria table until he got to Nat. He scooped up to pieces and threw them in his mouth just after he finished the words ‘insolent underlings’. Everyone held their breath as they watched his pale face redden exponentially. His eyes widened. And then he screamed.

He yelled, he swore. “I’m going to report you to HR! You tried to poison me!”

“You stole food from everyone, something inappropriate, unethical, and unprofessional. You stole her food. That she made spicy to her tastes. She didn’t try to poison you.”

“And just who the fuck do you think you are?!”

“Holly Scott, from HR.”

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You and Noah were doing great, as roommates and as friends. “Hey, do you have any plans for dinner tonight? My parents invited me over for dinner and they asked me to extend an invite to you. It’s nothing major, they wanted to meet my previous roommates, too. Make sure you’re not a hooligan.”

“Okay, sounds fun. What should I bring?”

“Yourself...?”

“It’s rude to show up at someone else’s home without a gift.”

“You don’t need to bring my parents a gift.”

“Oh, I’m bringing a gift. I’m just asking you for some input.”

“Okay, well they really like wheelie shoes-”

“Ha, oh my god, I meant for what your parents would like, not you. And want wheelie shoes? Those have been out for a while, Noah.”

“Hey, do not laugh at me! They are just a very effective and fun way to get around.”

“Would you like them to light up too?”

“... Is that an option?”

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You knocked on the door while Noah rolled his eyes at you. “I grew up here!”

“Well you don’t live here anymore and it’s rude to just barge into someone’s home and act like you own the place.”

“Oh, you must be Y/N! I wasn’t expecting anyone to knock, usually, Noah just barges in and acts like he owns the place. Come in, come in. It’s freezing outside.” You gave Noah a side-eyed smirk as you took off your coat, while he looked bashfully embarrassed. “Uh, here Ms. Sexton, I brought some homemade empanadas, they can be put in the fridge or kept in the freezer, and it’s best to reheat them in the oven. 350 F, ten minutes from the fridge and about 20 if they were put in the freezer.”

“Oh, you really didn’t have to do that.”

“I was raised that when you go over to someone’s house for dinner or an event, you bring a gift. And it was either this or a house plant.”

“Ha, good idea going with the food, it’s a Sexton family trait that will kill all the plants we touch. Thank you very much.”

“Hello, you must be Y/N. It;s wonderful to meet you- and what smells so good?”

“Y/N brought empanadas, and they are going away so that you and I can enjoy them later. Now everyone, to the dining room, dinner is just about done.”

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Things started to change a bit a few months later when Choi had to physically restrain Noah from attacking a drunk bar fight patient who called you a slut in the middle of the ED. You’d been confused but Maggie just kept saying that it was a matter of time.

When you’d been hanging around at Molly’s with Noah, Sarah, and Darren, Noah had his arm casually wrapped around your shoulders, something your sister gave you the eyebrow for from her place at the bar.

After you’d been mugged and beaten, you’d run to the 21st, where your brother promptly unleashed the most fearsome demon hell has ever cowered from, AKA Hank Voight, he also called Noah. And when your brother finally made an arrest and got Voight to calm down a little, he’d entered the breakroom to find you fast asleep, curled up against Noah. Who sat in an incredibly uncomfortable position, holding you and stroking your back. You missed the dark look that crossed his face, or the one of fear that had crossed Noah’s but something of an understanding had fallen to Noah. The two of you needed to talk.

So you did, and it went well, so well that you planned a date. Then another one. And another one, until you two had been dating for six months and figured it was time to tell your families. You were shaking in your boots, the Sexton’s were all incredibly close and incredibly doting on Noah, so even though they liked you, you had absolutely no clue as to what the reaction would be. To your relief, it was happiness, they loved you as much as Noah apparently, and they relished in the changed you’d caused in Noah.

Your family, on the other hand, did not react well. Which was why you’d made sure that you told them in a very public place, and had only ordered waters before you told them. There was yelling, screaming, your father waving his arms around so much Antonio had to use his cop voice on him. In the end, you and Noah had been there for around five minutes before throwing some cash at the waitress as a tip for leaving her with your family, and hauling ass out of there. The two of you had ended up just eating pizza on the boardwalk in your fancy clothes and heading back to the apartment late.You both had work the next day, but while you were an intern, Noah was not. And while you were off giving a patient a sponge bath, your siblings cornered Noah at the nurses desk. “Sexton, is there a place the three of us can talk?”

“Uh, sure, this conference room is free...”

“Perfect.”

“So, I take it this is about-”

“Nuh-uh. You do not talk. We do.”

“You are dating our baby sister.”

“We may not be as close to her as you are with your sister, but she still means a lot to us.”

“We love her. We are two people with some pretty dangerous skills. It is for these two reasons that you will not hurt her. Ever.”

“And if you do, don’t forget who I work with.”

“No one will ever find your body.”

“Are we clear?”

“Uh, hmmh... Clear. Crystal clear.”

“Good. Now do you know where Y/N is? We’d like to take the both of you out to lunch or something, just the four of us, to make up for the dinner of many disasters.”

#One Chicago #chicago med #Chicago Fire #Chicago PD #noah sexton #noah sexton x reader #antonio dawson #gabby dawson #maggie lockwood

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sammysdewysensitiveeyes · 4 years

Note

Ranking Brotherhood of Evil Mutant members (including all interations) from your, most to least favorite and please expound why. I do like asking for opinions.

Hmmm....there have been several iterations of the Brotherhood, and I’m not very familiar with some of the later versions, so I’m just gonna go with the earlier versions that I know. Bear in mind, this is entirely subjective, and I like most of these characters, so a character being lower down doesn’t mean I hate them. Going from favorite to least favorite:

Pyro:

Anyone following this blog has probably noticed I love this dude. I’m not exactly subtle about it. I think he’s interesting and fun, as villains go. He’s snarky and cocky, and actually rather friendly when he’s not trying to kill you - very Affable Evil. He’s not necessarily a very good person - he’s self-interested, and can be rather vicious, but he’s a character that I thought could potentially come over to the good side. He seemed, at times, to get into the whole “Freedom Force” thing, and clearly enjoyed saving people alongside Longshot. He seems to bond a great deal with his team-mates - Mystique, Avalanche, even Stonewall (although he was a dick to him and Commando when they first joined). He even pals around with Blob, even though he also snarks at him sometimes. In AOA, Pyro was the only one helping and being protective of Phantazia. And now in Marauders he refers to them as his “friends,” and is perfectly happy traveling around with people that used to kick his ass, even appearing impressed with them (especially Storm), and being a surprisingly good team player. I don’t think Pyro would necessarily become a good guy for altruistic purposes, but I think he enjoys having “adventures” and getting attention and hanging out with his team-mates. I think if Pyro was on an X-Team, and was made to feel welcome, he’d probably be content to fight alongside them and follow the rules (which is basically what he’s doing right now with the Marauders), and maybe some of his team-mates’ virtues would rub off on him a bit. (There was apparently a version of X-Factor pitched to Marvel years ago that included Pyro on the team, and I’m disappointed that never happened, although I loved the X-Factor that we got.) And of course, there was also Pyro’s somewhat redemptive death, where he came to regret his past actions with the Brotherhood and wound up sacrificing his life to save Senator Kelly (fat lot of good it did, since Kelly got assassinated shortly after, but hey, he tried!)

Along with all of that, I am also really intrigued by Pyro’s back story of being a romance author and journalist. There’s the whole dichotomy of a guy who callously burns people to death and also writes gothic romance novels in his spare time. And honestly, it sounds like he’s lived a really interesting life before the Brotherhood - traveling all around South East Asia, working as a journalist covering Indonesia and Vietnam (I’d assume he speaks at least a little bit of Indonesian and Vietnamese to be able to live there and cover news). His motives for joining the Brotherhood have never been established, and I’m dying to know more about how he met Mystique, and why he decided to leave what was apparently a successful career and probably fairly comfortable life to go be an international terrorist. Was it money? A promise of adventure? Did he really believe in Magneto’s cause? Was he already getting into criminal activity before he joined the Brotherhood? There’s a lot of potential for development there, but unfortunately most writers (except Claremont) tend to completely ignore all of Pyro’s backstory. I’m still hoping that Duggan at least makes some reference to it, even just a throwaway comment about how Pyro used to write novels.

TL,DR: I like Pyro because he’s fun and clever, he makes friends with his team-mates, and he’s a writer.

Toad:

Toad is a really intriguing character, but mostly I like him because he’s actually got a lot of potential, but he’s had a shit life and can never seem to catch a break. In the earliest issues, he was just Magneto’s abused lackey, and appeared quite sniveling and pathetic, but later on it was revealed that he’s actually quite intelligent (and good with machines), he just appeared “stupid” due to all the abuse he suffered during childhood. Toad also has a lot of interesting powers - writers seem to give him a new one every other appearance. His stamina, agility, and super-strong legs could actually make him a pretty good fighter if he got proper training. Plus he’s got the prehensile tongue, pheromone secretion, acidic saliva, secretion of a paralytic resin, mind control over frogs - his Marvel bio is a long, long list of secondary powers. Toad could be quite formidable if he actually got his shit together, and there are AU’s (like House of M and Age of Apocalypse) where we see a much more stable, competent, intelligent Toad who is living up to his potential. But 616 Toad remains a joke, He’s either a low-level bad guy (they tried to level him up in the 90′s by making him the leader of the Brotherhood, but it didn’t last) or a pathetic sad-sack used for humor, or both. His attempt to “join” the X-Men led to him being the janitor and basically getting treated like shit (he literally had no bed?) then getting kicked out when he follow Husk to the Hellfire Academy, even though he did that largely out of concern for Husk, and actually helped her and Quentin escape.

Basically, Toad has been subjected to horrible abuse pretty much his entire life, he has a mutation that makes him appear “ugly”, and everyone treats him with, at best, pity, and at worst, hatred and disgust. I’ll admit, he’s had a few chances to better his life that have fallen through because of his own bad choices (and he’s done some horrible things, especially when he was leading the Brotherhood in the 90′s), but most of the time he’s just getting continuously kicked while he’s down. To a certain extent, it’s really a matter of comic writers not being willing to take Toad seriously - he’s considered a joke villain, and therefore gets written that way, because he’s there as an accessory in someone else’s story. At least the Toad/Husk storyline seemed to focus some on Toad himself as a character, even if it ended badly for him. Sometimes, I kinda think Toad is written as evil or pathetic so that writers can justify other characters being shitty towards him. Like, Magneto’s early treatment of Toad was absolutely, inexcusably horrible. Magneto treated everyone in the Brotherhood badly, including his own children, but it seemed like Toad caught the worst of it. Pietro and Wanda were also disgusted by Toad, although they had good reason, since his affection towards Wanda was pretty creepy. Later on, Magneto was revamped into more of a noble, morally grey character, and his past abuse of Toad was mostly forgotten. I don’t think the writers are necessarily doing this on purpose, but it kind feels like Toad remaining a pathetic bad guy was partially a way to excuse Magneto’s poor treatment of him, since Magneto was being reinvented as a more likable character. And not just Magneto, but just about everyone who finds Toad disgusting or cracks jokes about how gross he is – it’s okay, Toad is awful so it’s totally fine to have the physically attractive good guys mock him and treat him like garbage. (Hell, the artists can’t even decide what Toad’s physical appearance should be. Is he skinny? Fat? Does he have green skin? Is his nose ridiculously long or closer to normal? Who knows what we’ll get in each issue. And God forbid he be drawn without his tongue lolling out of his mouth.)

Also, I think that a lot of Toad’s worst personality flaws are at least partially due to the abuse he suffered. To be clear, I’m not justifying the things that Toad has done. He set up death traps for people who wronged him, murdered Sauron’s girlfriend, and stalked and attacked Wanda multiple times. That’s pretty shitty of him! But I also think the abuse had a huge effect on Toad and how he interacts with people. Like, his tendency to obsessively latch onto people, and act like a sniveling lackey – the dude has had pretty much no love his entire life, and he’s always been treated like garbage. Of course he has no self-esteem, of course he’ll fawn over anyone that shows him affection. He’s been raised to believe that he is garbage. Even his tendency to gloat over others being punished, and his whole “I’ll tell Magneto, and you’ll get in trouble!” thing is an understandable survival mechanism – other people getting in trouble means that he’s not the target, for once. Obviously I can’t condone Toad trying to murder people that wronged him, but his anger and resentment is also understandable after the poor treatment he’s suffered. In fact, I think it’s actually healthier for him to be angry than to think that he deserves it. And a lot of the shitty things he did as Brotherhood leader also felt like him desperately wanting to be taken seriously, to be respected – also not a bad thing to want, even if his actions were terrible. Basically, Toad has a lot of personality flaws, and he’s also had a lot of experiences that created or exacerbated those personality flaws. The guy needs serious, long-term therapy, and I think he could become a better (or at least more competent) person if he got the help that he so obviously needs.

TL, DR: Basically, Toad deserves better.

Avalanche:

I have to admit, a lot of my love for Avalanche is all about his relationship with Pyro, be it friendship or something more. (It’s something more in my headcanons, I will forever ship them.) But he’s also a character that we don’t know much about, in part because he tends to talk a lot less than a certain chatty Australian. He seems, more than anything, to be a practical-minded punch-clock villain, who is mostly in it for the money. He doesn’t seem to enjoy putting on a show and reveling in his powers like Pyro, and he doesn’t seem to have the same mean streak that can be seen in Blob (and Pyro, to be fair). I’m sure there are probably instances of Avalanche being dickish and cruel, but in a lot of his appearances that I’ve read, he seems very practical. Do the job, get paid. He also seems fairly content to be a follower or a lackey – happy to take orders from Mystique, or even follow Pyro’s lead when Mystique isn’t around. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his own ideas or opinions, but he doesn’t particularly feel the need to be a leader. Like Pyro, we also don’t know much about his past before the Brotherhood, except that he was married at some point. Where’s his wife now? Why didn’t it work out? Was it because of him being a mutant, or was it his activities with the Brotherhood that drove them apart? Does he still love her? Why did he join the Brotherhood in the first place?

Avalanche also seems to care somewhat about his team-mates, although he’s not as openly friendly as Pyro. During Freedom Force’s disastrous last mission, he made the difficult call to abandon Pyro and Blob to save Commando, something that he was clearly broken up about. And of course, he was willing to go on a mission in the Savage Land with Pyro to get a Legacy Virus cure (that unfortunately didn’t actual exist). Avalanche is selective about who he cares about, but he still shows that he cares through his actions. I don’t want to make this all about Pyro, but I really love their relationship. The stoic, quiet guy/chatty energetic guy dynamic is great. They just love being bros and committing crimes together, and they are quick to work together and back each other up, even in their earliest appearances. I would totally read a min-series focusing on the early days of Mystique’s brotherhood, especially if it gave us some good Avalanche, Pyro and Blob development, and didn’t just center around Rogue and Mystique (both fantastic characters, but they’ve both got a lot of attention directed at them already.)

Also, Avalanche likes to garden, which is nice. And at one point he just got fed-up with everything and tried to retire and become a bartender, which is very relatable. Unfortunately Red Skull murdered him after that. Sorry, Avalanche. I hope you are resurrected on Krakoa, living your best life.

Blob:

Another character who is often not taken seriously. Blob is mean-spirited, crass, and often self-interested, much like the rest of the Brotherhood members. He also was extremely close to Unus, and clearly devastated when Unus’s powers went out of control and killed him. Blob is one of those characters where I think his physical appearance has led to him being designated as a bad guy by the writers – he’s big and gross, so, just like Toad, he’ll be portrayed as a bad person in order to justify the good guys being terrible to him. (Yes, I know there are “ugly” good guys, but let’s face it, they are rare. Most of the good guys look like models.) Blob also, like Toad, gets a lot of crap for his physical appearance, something that is literally part of his mutation. I think some of Blob’s nastiness is definitely a defense mechanism, lashing out at others because he is used to being attacked. It also seems like Blob is really lacking in close friendships, like what Mystique and Destiny or Pyro and Avalanche have (“friendship”). He was really the odd man out in Mystique’s brotherhood. He’s willing to pal around with various Brotherhood members, including Avalanche and Pyro when they’re not picking fights with each other, but he doesn’t seem to have a best buddy after Unus’s death. I kind of admire Blob’s toughness. It would be easy for him to completely lose his self-esteem, like Toad, but he stands up for himself and never grovels to others. He is frequently insulted for his mutation, but he also seems comfortable in his own skin, which is good. He shouldn’t have to feel bad about his own body.

There was an AU story that showed a softer, more thoughtful Blob who wound up in a relationship with Psylocke, so we know he’s capable of showing a better side of himself. To some extent, I like Blob’s crass, take-no-shit personatliy, but I’d also like to see writers give him more depth. I’d especially like to see him reunite with Unus on Krakoa, and the two of them hanging out enjoying each other’s company. I’m also enjoying the cameos we get of bartender Blob on Krakoa, I hope he is also living his best life.

Phantazia:

Honestly, I mostly just want to know more about her. All we really know is that she has a PhD (in some kind of scientific field, I think….she is reading a book on astrophysics in one comic), and she was willing to join Toad’s Brotherhood (and she was also the only Brotherhood member that received an invitation from Exodus to Asteroid M). Why? What was her life before that? Who knows? Most of the time, she seems rather cold, and a bit distant from her team-mates (but I can’t entirely blame her, the Brotherhood is a rough crowd. It’s hard to be the new team-mate, and probably especially hard to be the only woman.) She did seem concerned about Pyro when he was suffering from the Legacy Virus, but she kind of dropped out of sight when the Brotherhood disbanded. She seems like she was mostly in it for personal gain, especially since Toad’s Brotherhood was more about petty crime than mutant rights. Apparently she was deeply affected by Wanda’s reality alterations, which took a toll on her mental health, and was last seen in a SHIELD holding cell. I hope she pops up again on Krakoa.

Rogue:

The only reason Rogue is so low on the list is that I sometimes forget she was ever a Brotherhood member, and because I like to focus more on lesser known characters. But I really like Rogue! She’s tough but sweet, and an incredible badass. Leaving the Brotherhood for the X-Men meant walking away from her team and foster-mother(s), but she still did it, and became one of the X-Men’s most dependable and valued members. I love Rogue’s past, her relationship with Mystique, her relationship with Gambit. I love how she doesn’t take shit, but she also doesn’t go around acting like a jerk, like some of the “tough” characters. (Wolverine, basically.) I like the complexity of her struggles with her powers, and her knowing that her strongest abilities, like strength and flight, were basically “stolen” from someone else. I feel like I should say more, but Rogue is very popular and has had loads written about her already. Rogue is cool, and she deserves the best!

Mystique:

A truly fascinating character. She’s also lower on the list because she is fairly well-known and popular, and also because she can absolutely be a manipulative piece of shit, willing to throw everyone except Destiny under the bus. Yet, at the same time, we see her appear to genuinely care about people, like Rogue, Nightcrawler (after the unfortunate “toss baby off a cliff” incident), Destiny, even Pyro occasionally (she has a nice moment with him on Muir Island, and also calls him “friend” in X-Factor). She’s a character who can never be entirely trusted, which is a large part of what makes her interesting. I think she truly does care about a few, select people. Hell, there’s an early issue in which Mystique fights a bunch of robots programmed to look and act like the X-Men (courtesy of Arcade), and she completely breaks down after having to “kill” the Rogue robot, then hesitates to attack the Nightcrawler bot. I think Mystique can also be extremely callous, cold and manipulative, but I don’t think she is completely evil, just very self-interested, like a lot of villains. Also, she’s probably seen and experienced a lot of shit over her long life that contributed to that callousness (I figure if I’m gonna cut Toad and Blob some slack, I should do the same for Mystique.) I do wish she would stop committing rape by deception in stories (meaning sleeping with someone while disguised as someone else). It’s something that gets glossed over, even though fandom generally despises rapist male villains (and rightfully so), but Mystique pretending to be Blink and sleeping with Mimic is barely a story blip.

Mystique is also interesting just because she’s such a badass. She’s cunning, a good leader, a good strategist, excellent spy, good at hand-to-hand combat (she only loses to Arcade’s X-Men robots because she hesitates). She is damn formidable! She’s also lived a varied and interesting life. There’s a reason she’s gotten so much exposure in comics. I can also understand her being short-tempered while leading the Brotherhood, as she has to deal with the three stooges of Pyro, Avalanche and Blob. Then things get even more complicated during the Freedom Force days. Mystique has a lot of shit to deal with keeping those idiots in line. Her relationship with Destiny is probably my favorite thing about Mystique, they are beautiful wives, and I hope she gets Destiny resurrected so the two of them can live happily together on Krakoa. (Unlikely.)

Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch:

I don’t have much to say about these two, even though I like them. I’m starting to run out of steam in terms of character analysis, and I tend to think of them more as Avengers than Brotherhood members. They both deserve better. Also, they are mutants and Magneto is their dad. Retcon? What retcon?

Destiny:

I don’t have much to say about Destiny because she is very mysterious – always working according to some plan that only she knows. So it’s hard to really know her as a character. She seems like a very intelligent and calm woman. She’s always chilling while the Brotherhood guys are freaking out or picking fights with each other. She also faced her own death bravely and willingly. She seems to have a good sense of humor. One of my favorite stories is Mystique disposing of Destiny’s ashes after her death. She is throwing them off a boat at a specific time and place, according to Destiny’s instructions – and the wind blows them back into her face. Obviously Destiny planned it as a last prank, and I have to like a character who sets that up. Also, one time she let a rock wall collapse on Avalanche and Spiral because she knew they wouldn’t be seriously hurt, and she hated Spiral and wanted to enjoy her humiliation. That’s some impressive pettiness. Destiny is cool, and I hope she comes back.

Sauron:

I don’t really care about him at all.

Mastermind:

Seems like a real creep, especially with his manipulation of Jean Grey/Phoenix in the Dark Phoenix saga. At least he apologized to her at his death. Also, he’s got three daughters, the dude gets around. Regan, Martinique, and Pixie (WTF?! I just read that in his bio.) I am really confused by there being two Mastermind daughters with the same powers, but apparently it was actually a mix-up between two writers. Oops!

That’s all. I know there have been later Brotherhood iterations with other members, including one or both Lady Masterminds, but that was during a time when I wasn’t reading much X-Men, so I’m not familiar with most of those characters. I might have more to say if I eventually read some of the later Brotherhood stories.

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marlsbuck · 4 years

Text

— && guests may mistake me as ( haley lu richardson ), but really i am ( marley buckley + cisfemale + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 6/13/1994 ). i am applying for the ( vet tech ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( 211 ). i should be hired because i am ( witty & empathetic ), but i can also be ( indecisive & absent-minded ) at times. personally, i like to ( dance, knit & volunteer at the zoo ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work.

hi pals! we’re back with a marley mae revamp! our favorite lil cowgirl is getting the makeover she deserves, so let’s get started, shall we?

before we get too into it, though, we have a stats page and a pinterest (which is also getting a revamp before too long bUT...i digress).

lil tw moment: abuse, alcohol, drug, death mention tws. per usual, i went a little heavy on the tws just to be safe!

- marley mae buckley was born june 13th, 1994 to finnegan and shailene buckley.

- her father is a chief exec at an oil company and her mother was a stay at home mom and socialite, the latter of which she preferred.

- the family moved to billings, montana shortly after marley was born so her father could be more involved with work. this meant her mother had more time on her hands and more time to attempt to mold marley into the perfect daughter.

- except marley liked dirt, climbing tress, and pretending to ride the family dog like a rodeo bull.

- needless to say that did not go well????

- substance abuse tw early in marley’s life, her mother mixed prescription pills and pinot, which only made the tension between the two more intense.

- abuse tw baby marls never understood why her mother would want to self medicate, essentially checking out and missing a majority of her only child’s life, until one night after her father came home after a day of ‘meetings’. smelling like expensive scotch and cigar smoke, marley saw her father hit her mother for the first time.

- abuse tw she didn’t witness the actual abuse often, but marley started noticing the signs more and more often. bruises around wrists, large sunglasses when it wasn’t sunny out, concealer caked around her eyes and jaw. for a while, she begged her mother to take her and leave, but marley’s mother refused - firm in her belief that she wouldn’t be able to make it on her own.

- so they endured. more often than not, marley’s mother took her pain and frustration out on her daughter. it didn’t take long for marley’s parents toxicity to turn her into an angry, resentful person. marley was around 8 when she started acting out - “accidentally” breaking things around the house, saying out of pocket things at her father’s work events or fancy dinner parties. marley was 10 the first time she left home and didn’t come back for hours on end, only to come back and realize no one had really noticed she was gone.

- when she was about 13, marley really started acting out and rebelling. she started hanging out with a rougher group of kids who were significantly older than her. even though she never took part in the more intense stuff, marley did manage to get herself into some trouble that finally managed to catch her parents’ attention.

- one night, while out with that older, rougher group of friends, marley was arrested for a destruction of property charge. since she was a minor, her parents were called immediately and, after making a sizable donation to billings pd, made the whole thing go away.

- officially done dealing with marley and the whole “mothering” of it all (if you can call it that), her parents shipped her back to their hometown of big timber to live with her paternal grandparents.

- she tried to run away a few times (even going so far as to steal her grandfather’s work truck - even tho she didn’t get far because she didn’t know how to drive stick yet) because rebellious, but after paw made her stay and help one of their cattle give birth, marley fell in love.

- marley fell in love with every animal on the ranch - all their quirks and distinct personalities. it quickly became the home marley’d never had. it was warm and loving and full of joy and life. her grandparents became the only parents she’d ever really known.

- they were the only reason marley agreed to go back to her parents. they’d made a deal that if she behaved at “home”, she’d be able to spend the rest of her summers at the ranch.

- so marley went back to her parents and did the dance classes, and dinner parties, and even did the whole debutante thing and “came out” to society.

- at 16 she petitioned to be emancipated and a judge granted said petition. she promptly moved into the renovated barn at the ranch that her grandparents had rented out while she finished school.

- marley ended up graduating early and began attending classes at the local community college, eventually getting her associates in science all while still working on the ranch when she could.

- at 19, marley began classes at montana state, majoring in microbiology as a pre-vet track.

- death tw shortly after she finished her first year at msu, marley found out her mother passed unexpectedly. when she went to attend the services, her father effectively disowned her (even though they hadn’t spoken in years) and blamed her for her mother’s issues and death.

- marley came back to the ranch more depressed than she’d ever been and instead of dealing with the hurricane of emotions she felt, marley dropped out of school and ran

- marley drove all along the west coast, eventually settling on a cattle farm in texas.

- there, marley met literally the worst thing to ever happen to her. only a month or two after settling in texas, marley started dating wade because mess attracts mess. duh. his parents owned the farm she was working on and he gave her attention. that’s it. that’s all it took.

- abuse tw it didn’t take long for the gas lighting, lying, and cheating to start. a short six months into their relationship was when the physical abuse started. growing up, she’d always told herself that she’d never allow a man to treat her the way she’d watched her father treat her mother - that she’d be stronger than her mother and leave after the first time. finally, though, marley realized the battle her mother had fought to endure all those years of abuse and just how hard it was to muster the courage to leave.

- to this day, marley carries around the guilt of spending years blaming her mother for being weak and missing the opportunity to apologize while she was still alive.

- eventually paw caught on and WASN’T having any of it. so he snuck down with maw in the middle of the night while wade was out on a bender and packed marley’s shit and took her back home to the ranch like the knight in shining armor that man is.

- two years of animal therapy and literal therapy, marley applied to finish her bachelors in chicago after maw suggested it. she was accepted and once again left her home behind, but this time it was to chase her dream and we’re all v proud.

- she’s been at the mlanati now for two years and has finished her bachelors and is a certified vet tech. she’s currently in her last year of undergrad and is getting ready to start applying to vet schools officially.

hcs!

- marley is a jeeple. she owns a 2008 black jeep wrangler x. 100% named it ringo. definitely has a black jeep of the family bumper sticker and let me tell you, this girl is SO proud.

- y’all will never catch this girl in shoes. she will start the day in shoes and by the time lunch rolls around she’s barefoot. the only pair of shoes she enjoys wearing are her justin boots or her vvv worn out vans.

- she knits when she’s anxious, which is more often than not now that she’s in a new place. but it also means she’s giving out cute lil beanies and scarves to her new frens.

- loves and i mean LOVES westerns. tombstone and gunsmoke were staples growing up.

- also probably the worlds biggest dolly parton fan. if it involves dolly, marley is in.

- ALIENS, MAN. your girl loves aliens and most space things. roswell (the og and new shows) are her jam bc...y’know....cowliens.

- she has three tattoos: some wildflowers on her upper left ribs, “worthy” in her grandpa’s handwriting on her upper right forearm, and the silhouette of big timber peak at the nape of her neck.

- marley is also one of those people that doesn’t need a ton of sleep? 4-5 hours max and she’s golden.

- cold brew coffee also runs through her veins. her coffee order is a trenta cold brew with hazelnut and almond milk, thanks. it’s also probably one of the reasons she never stops moving....ever.

- big time questioning her sexuality. marley’s only ever been with men, but uuuuuhhhhh WOMEN y’know? also nb folx are v nice. we do not discriminate in this house.

- 2 cats! doc (7 y/o himalayan long hair) and ike (2 y/o munchkin). both rescues she met while volunteering at a shelter.

- snake tw would also v much like a colombian rainbow boa pls and thank

- will always make time to take a dance class or book space to just dance all her feelings out. it’s one of the few joys she has that comes without feelings of pressure or stress.

- holds most people at arms length. she’s more than happy to listen and support everyone around her, but is a literal steel trap when it comes to talking about herself and her past.

- alcohol/drugs tw not a drinker. buckley’s don’t have a great track record of being able to handle their liquor (never let her do shots pls), so marley sticks to the occasional blunt. esp when she’s feeling extra anxious, it calms her down and evens her out.

- she do be jumpy af! loud noises (that don’t obviously come from animals) make her anxious and shaky. it’s the *pTsD*.

- marley’s triggers include but are not limited to: grabbing her face/chin, breaking glass, loud noises - specifically yelling, general violence, the smell of vodka or scotch and cigar smoke, being grabbed from behind/picked up without warning.

wanted connections!

- travel pals! : people marley met on her trip from montana to texas! she wouldn’t have stuck around long, but she was a hot ass mess and these would have been people who met her at p close to her lowest? so seeing her at the malnati would be like meeting a whole new person. she’ll probs be hella flustered and embarrassed so, like, we love that.

- hype squaaaaaad! : marley’s self esteem is still.........nonexistent, almost. she’s all about giving the love, but is the worst at accepting it, so obviously we need someone to shove all the love and positive affirmations her way! help ya girl see her worth!

- post hook ups! : likely only one or two! marley isn’t one to hook up unless she’s feeling pretty awful about her self and needs some instant validation. can be awkward or cordial! i’m down to plot specifics!

- crushes! : unrequited or nah (lbr i’d live for unrequited pls) male, female, nb - gimmie it all! babie is ready to give all the love....kinda. from afar. bc trauma. bUT!!! leggo. lololol.

- confidant! : literally probably the only connection that’s limited to one person. they know eeeeverything. every horrid, gruesome detail about marley’s past and all her insecurities. they could be someone that met her when she was on her way to texas/she met in texas or someone she met after and got to witness one of her panic attacks post texas. aka the one person she trusts most.

- scurry folx! : pls gimmie plots where marley is at odds with someone, whether or not it’s because they scare her a lil (aka angry, aggressively loud, bully-ish type someones) or just people who can’t handle her goofy, oddball, pollyanna type personality! i. need. ANGST!! pls. ty.

- chemistry, ofc!

#×○┆ooc⌇a salutation & a farewell #malnatiooc #manatiintro #bc i don't remember which one this goes in lmfao #but honestly if you make it all the way through this #you deserve a drink or candy or something #ily

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