I feel like the idea of "forgiveness" for people who've hurt you is like... Pretty christian based? Bc ngl. Why tf am i forgiving someone who abused me a lot. If we're talking "mental peace"... Well bud i kinda just gotta not think about it or when i do to work on my emotions around it so i can cope better with my trauma. Literally why am i forgiving people who dont regret hurting me and who would never apologize and how exactly does that bring more "peace"? Bc personally id feel like im ignoring something that bothers me a lot just so i can tolerate being around it when idk. Theres people who i definitely dont need to tolerate being around lol.

whats ur non mainstream film taste then? genuinly curious to hear. as someone whos ended up in some weird ass corners of the film world like Neil breen Zachary Oberzan 0 budget stuff i love hearing what kind of weird indie corners other people have gotten into :3

i will talk a lot below that prob wont be interesting anyway, but i have to say first that i mostly stopped watching movies and now i mostly watch things @yasminewestbank chooses (not all the time but mostly) bc shes a movie nerd, so she picks movies that are usually either genuinely good or at least watchable, and if it was just me alone id prob not be bothering to watch those anyway, bc even a great movie just doesnt give me that much. i suffer from pretty severe apathy :( so if u want someone who hypes up genuinely good movies rather than me who is like "this is genuinely good but im still apathetic and dont really care" then yasmin is better to talk to. (im also generally more of a nonfiction type when it comes to video content, i could hype up Tasting History on youtube most days of the week but i struggle to hype up any movie at all. oh, and animated shorts, there are always some interesting student films and stuff.) the rest ⬇

my taste is usually "its [symbolic or not] critical commentary on something i care about" (feminism and misogyny, classism, bigotry, racism, the queer experience, abuse, trauma, violence, human self development, etc etc) or "its portraying human experiences [internal and external] in an interesting or just realistic way", like. realistic but in a highly specific meaning of realistic. i dont care about realism as a concept itself in art (realistic visuals or realistic setting or realistic costume etc i rly do not care about), what i mean is just about capturing a real essence of human brains and experiences, not copypasting stereotypical ideas without meaning. i can also enjoy some more abstract like david lynch bc its expressing human feelings and experiences in an appealing way. im really big on symbolic stuff and will just keep talking about what different parts of the movie meant or represented after i watch something w yasmin.

(edit to add... i should prob note that many of the movies i mention have adult content and heavy topics depending on who you ask? but i assume ppl who read this would already know to check ratings and warnings)

on the criticising / teaching side of meaningful, it would be for example, Poor Things [2023].... on the realistic / documenting side, for example Burning [2018] or Naked [1993], and i liked ryuusuke hamaguchi's movies Wheel of Fortune and Fantasy, and Drive My Car (tho that one has a really badly written scene in it by the end that i hated) for the characters too. i dont know if those are the best examples its more just off the top of my head. theres also mainstream movies that fit my criteria, so for that criticising / teaching side, there's for example Pleasantville [1998], and Pretty Woman, which yasmin told me ppl tend to hate, but if thats the case i think ppl really didnt understand what it was about (it showed so much about misogyny and class issues, coated in such a way that you could get average boomers to watch it as a "romantic" movie without being aware of the actual meaning of what youre going into, the same way pleasantville can be watched as a goofy gimmick movie without being aware of the meaning youre going into, tho pleasantville is heavyhanded by the end, and i guess pretty woman manages to still fly over ppls heads? but not too surprising considering all those mainstream things now will literally just explain every joke and every meaning.... its like all of media is mickey mouse clubhouse, you know?)

i more or less prefer to watch an animated short or a weird animation on youtube/social media than watching a good live action movie. some animated shorts i really liked recently are Au Revoir Jerome, GLOIRE AMERE 40000, and BOLAVLK/WEREAWOLF, and vewn stuff. and i like those Molly Moon game tiktoks, as an example of like, low production stuff…. i dont care at all how much money or time went into something, but bc im usually not actively seeking fiction video content on my own, its more about what falls into my lap by chance, or yasmin/someone shows me.

i thought of listing more movies but its kinda hard for me to remember them after a while (re: apathy). i remember i liked another one from the Poor Things guy called The Favourite but i barely remember what happens in it. I liked one called This Must Be The Place, and one called Annette. those are movies yasmin showed me or that she picked for us to try together.

oh, one movie i saw on my own that i liked a lot is And Then We Danced. it has some less good parts, but overall it for some reason really lives rent free in my head. it felt like i went and lived in georgia with the characters for an hour, idk, it was done in an immersive way that impressed me and i found appealing. another one i remember from years ago is Lille Soldat (little soldier) which i really enjoyed the main character in. that stuck with me. ive tried to find this movie to show to yasmin, but its been hard to find.

i used to watch lots of random movies (from different countries, different times in history, i had a phase where i watched a bunch of really old horror movies) but most of its been forgotten and then i just stopped watching movies whatsoever bc the mainstream ones are generally unwatchably bad and i didnt have motivation to go out of my way to find good movies anymore. its still hard even with good ones. like, The Square, and Triangle of Sadness, i watched with yasmin and it was fine, but i had already tried watching The Square alone and had to stop after a minute bc it just made me cringe and feel bored. but watching it together with her was fine and i did enjoy the meaning. so thats why i say i might not even be watching good movies if it was up to me alone....

if u werent interested in that ramble i hope u stopped reading before now for ur own good :D i have an opportunity to express myself in rambles -> i will express myself in rambles

Why do you like obito(like in what made his character interesting to you)?

Hi thanks for sending this ask :) hm so I'm really bad at collecting my thoughts and saying things clearly but I'll try. I wish I could write excellent meta like some ppl. Like it's all in my brain, but it's just a swirly blob of half thoughts. But ok here are some of my personal thoughts about obito and why I like him as a character.

There's a lot I like about obito… I think most of what I like is pretty common among fans. But I mean theres also things in his character and life that have always resonated with me personally. In my life i have dealt with a lot of trauma, injury, disability, loss, etc and i have kinda projected my experiences into my hc's of obito.. especially regarding his healing process post cave collapse and abuse from madara. I felt a lot of things i assume he would have felt after I also suffered a major injury, and after other traumatic things with major ramifications…

Almost his entire life was altered by, and almost nearly defined by his traumas. How he deals with his it, (or doesnt really) is so painful to watch, but to me his strength is commendable. I wonder sometimes if he would've given up if it hadn't been for his heart seal, if his strength of will would've withered away from neglect. But then, after kks removed the seal, it kind of proved (at that point in his journey at least) that he still believed in his goal of a better world, and he wasn't ready to give up. How much of his strength of will was his own? How mych was madaras influence? It's hard to say. What role do we play in creating our own identities, and how much control do we give others- or is taken away?

There's a lot of unknowns, a lot of grey when it comes to obito. Nothing is pretty or neat when it comes to him.

I am also SO fascinated by his relationship to love. I think on the surface he thinks he doesnt care, he has no love left to give. But i personally believe love is at the core of all his actions (like sasuke!! I am on the sasuke defense squad...) i mean yeah, his relationship with his emotions (love especially) is toxic and unhealthy no doubt... but ultimately what's important to me is that his love and joy were so so strong as a child- and so nearly destroyed- that he later clings so tightly to the little he has left. I think trauma can do this to us. It can make us jaded and resentful and hurt others, to try to make things better. But often what's at the core of all that is this desire for things to be better. For the suffering to go away.

Like ok. Obito wants to violently destroy the world that hurt him and his loved ones. And not just destroy it, but rather create a better world in its place. A world that promises no more pain ot suffering. That is telling. I think that others in his situation would gladly see the world rot into oblivion, and not feel bad about making it burn a little faster. But not obito. He wants to burn it all (perhaps as fast as possible!) in order to create a utopia. But here’s the kicker... it’s a utopia in which he will never find peace himself, where he will wonder alone for eternity. Oof.

I wont try to say if he was totally right or wrong/good or bad/selfless or selfish, just that i can empathize with his motives and his trauma. Most of all i dont think its fair to categorize him as either a villian or a hero. He exists outside of that binary and obviously exhibits traits of both which is a lot more interesting to me. I definitely like the duality/ficklness of his nature. He's hard to pin down, he doesn't fit in a box, he's kind AND he's cruel. Obito is good and bad and none of the above. He's multiple people all in one. Idk I just think he's neat.

I wish his journey in canon was cathartic for him but i dont know. It wasn't for me in the end chapters. Thats why i like au's :) (Side note, I think rin should have roundhouse kicked his ass when he saw her in the end. And thennnn they could hug and make up).

.

Hmm ok this was all over the place sorry I hope this makes sense. If u made it this for thanks for reading my unedited essay. I really like obito. Sending u love and joy.

April 8th-April 14th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from April 8th, 2019 to April 14th, 2019.  The chat focused on Radio Silence by Vanessa Stefaniuk.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Radio Silence by Vanessa Stefaniuk~! (http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until April 14th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. What do you think happened in Wren’s past to make her the way she is? How does this also tie in to what happened between her and Conibear? Will she ultimately overcome these issues? If so, how do you think it’ll happen?

€heshire777

My favorite so far is Shy's expression when Wren grabbed his arm on the bus.

€heshire777

I don't have the link handy, sorry

€heshire777

Radio Silence should totaly do a jam with noosehead

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Do you think Matt is hiding something from the group given his video call at one point? If so, what is he hiding, and what’s stopping him from saying anything to the group? What does the person he was talking to have to do with it?

starkfield

1) I love Brent's worry going into overdrive when Colbie and Shy get left behind and the bus is looking for him, worried that even an old lady walking her dog is in desperate need of help...it's such a great character moment as you realize how much he notices/is always mentally juggling

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene this read through is probably the scene where wren and shy finally talk. i appreciate how natural everything felt, yet at the same time felt like a concentrated efffort on wren's part to finally get shy to talk to her. brent also kind of set up some expectations about whether theyd get along or not, so it was some good immediate payoff to seeing that yup, he right. 2) I think it's pretty clear Wren was an abusive relationship before she met the band. Who with it's hard to say. It could be a boyfriend but given her age id also believe it was her father. But regardless i think for all of wren's confidence that she has a lot of self esteem issues that shes trying to get over and it doesnt help when ppl like conibear are around her reinforcing her worst fears. i think shell overcome them, but i kind of think she needs to get a therapist if she doesnt already have one. which, theyre on the road a lot, so i dont get the impression she does have one.

3) Probably Shy because I find Shy the most relateable. Also I like shy because i kind of feel like he has the most potential for growth. Not to say the other characters arent growing or have issues to deal with, but i feel shy kind of starts on the lowest rung of the ladder. So when he grows and changes, like how he finally learns to talk to Wren, its really noticeable and really satisfying. Like watching your baby grow up. 4) for the life of me i cant fathom what matt is hiding. at first youd assume the obvious: that he wants to go solo. but that doesnt seem likely given other things hes said. and youd also think hed have said something by now if that was the case. though i feel like hes avoiding the subject because he feels like the others, especially colbie, would take it as a betrayal. as for the person he was talking to, who i believe is his cousin, i think shes just involved in the sense that he needed to tell someone. so he told her cause she cant exactly go spilling the beans to the band for him

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Given the focus on communication and relationships, what was your favorite moment where the challenge relationships present was on display? Overall, what do you think we can learn about the two from the comic?

RebelVampire

5) I've always really love this top panel with the Brandenburg Gate http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/comic/174 Cause man, there is so much attention to detail in the panel. Not just for the architecture, but all the little activities of the people too. It really feels like a hot tourist spot. Not to mention I love the angle used cause it really gives an impression of granduer and scale. 6) i really liked the recent one between matt and shy where shy was upset matt had treated him like a kid when dealing with samantha. at first i was kind of was more on the other character's page where i didnt really get what shy's deal was considering samantha had been the awful one. but then when shy was forced to communicate his feelings, it just really struck me as an "omg this makes sense." but i somehow feel this reaction i had was 100% what communication and relationships are all about. because sometimes we dont understand how we hurt others, and sometimes we forget that ppl arent mind readers. so for me, it was a moment where communication really was at the heart of it and it showed that without communication, relationships really just dont work that well. which this last sentiment i think is the take away from the entire comic. communication is key, because if we dont make others understand, we cant expect others to just magically know.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Why do you think Liz took a chance on the band? What happened between her and Pandora, and how might this come up again given the past history Radio Silence has with the Sirens?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. Overall, how do you feel Shy will continue to grow and change over the course of the story? What role do you think Wren will have to play in his future?

RebelVampire

7) im really torn between saying shy and wren or shy and brent. so ill say both. cause i super enjoy watching how shy and wren come to get along even though their personalities are so opposite. like opposite in the way i never know what to expect when theyre interacting, so that makes each interaction exciting. but i also like shy and brent just cause of how mother hen brent is with shy. and honestly, theyre just super adorable when theyre together. 8) I'm going to be boring and say I think Liz took a chance on them for the exact reasons she said: she liked their sound and thought they had potential. though probably not shown i imagine once she met them, she saw their chemistry and charisma and thought "perfect." as for what happened between her and Pandora, i really think it might have had to do with the sirens. Either something before like Liz was supposed to help Pandora and Pandora betrayed her. Or it could be after the Conibear incident and Liz told Pandora to step up and doing something. and Pandora was like "lol nope" and Liz was like "how dare" but i do think pandora will be vindictive and use the sirens to irritate liz. and everyone will be sad

9) one of my variety details i think deserves more attention is how great the comic is at throwing in languages to kind of show everyone's ethnicity and add character to them through that. like how wren and shy both swear in different languages. or wren's extremely heavy accent that's really spot on for what it would sound like. i think it really helps bring the world together and emphasize the setting as well. because youd expect a british rock band to have more opportunities for different languages and stuff like that just due to how connected europe kind of is in general. overall though, just an endearing detail to me. 10) I think Shy still has to grow and stop being so, well, shy. Like even the recent incident with Matt kind of shows that hes n ot the best communicator. and i think thats something well see continue to change and hell voice his opinion and communicate his feelings more and more. and i think wren will definitely help with that cause she is more than willing to remind him ppl cant read his mind and he has to say the things for ppl to know the things.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. As a band, do you feel that Radio Silence will continue to be successful and grow their popularity? Or, do you feel they will crash and burn? What challenges will the band continue to face in regards to either path?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. What do you think is the story with Colbie and his family? Why do you think Colbie’s dad is trying so hard to contact him? How might this affect Colbie’s place in the band?

RebelVampire

11) I think this comic's strength is realism. Like this feels like an actual band that might exist and how theyd actually go about their actual daily lives. Even between the social media stuff, it just has this really endearing authenticity that helps draw you in to the drama and slice-of-life stuff. 12) I think theyll continue to grow, but i kind of feel that its their personal relationships that are gonna be the biggest obstacle to their growth. Cause I mean you have wren is keeps bottling up her past and no way that isnt going to blow up some day. You got Matt keeping secrets. You got Colbie's family issues. And then I kind of even think there might be issues with Brent cause i think theres gonna come a point where Brent has to pick between family and the band or something like that. And all these are gonna bring about drama and test everyone's dedication to staying cause love of music and fans can only take you so far

RebelVampire

13) i am most looking forward to things about wren getting revealed. cause i feel like the time is drawing near where well at least get an answer or two, and im interested to see what sort of depths this adds for her character. 14) I get the impression that Colbie's mom and dad might have divorced maybe and then she died. or maybe no divorce. i just assume divorce cause it sounded like she had money to give colbie which wouldnt work as smoothly if the mom and dad had shared accounts. granted i guess i also assume death too just from how colbie phrases buying gifts and stuff to matt. as for colbie's dad, well, probably typical rich dad. didnt have time for his son, son goes off to do his own thing, dad is like wait a second get back here. as for why hes trying to contact colbie? I mean i could assume the typical get back home here? but then maybe his dad is just angry cause colbie hasnt called him. and like will suggest colbie comes back out of vengence for colbie cutting him out of his life. i dont think itll have much effect tho outside of everyone else finding it a big deal while colbie doesnt really want to talk about it.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Radio Silence this week! Please also give a special thank you to Vanessa Stefaniuk for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Radio Silence, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/

Vanessa’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/quietsnooze

Vanessa’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/quietsnooze

 im really tired of this drama for the sake of drama scenarios that keep coming up. like theyre completely avoidable but people choose really selfish and self centered ways of doing things and then dont even take into account the amount of people it affects. our friend was late for fishing so he left without him but didnt bother to say anything about it and just left while our friend was in transit. i mean, theyre both pretty rude. hes rude for being late, hes rude for leaving without notice. but no one cares that at 5am, our friend showed up at my house and then slept in my bed for the next 5 hours before deciding to head over to his friends house for a bbq. no one cares how that inconvinienced my day. no one cares that i didnt want to do that, or have our friend over at 5am but i'm not that selfish. i'm not soo self centered that i would turn away our friend at 5am when he's upset. it's not the right thing to do, so of course i invited him in. but he had no desire to listen to any of my problems. i couldnt talk to him about any of my plans or desires. the next day i asked  our friend to come over so i could grab and he did but he had hit his car in a parking lot and wanted zip ties to secure something. i tried to help but he was downstairs and didnt want to get up and find zip ties for our friend. so our friend took it upon himself to go downstairs himself where he was promptly yelled at for bothering him. today our friend called me five times from 8am and when i finally answered he just wanted to chat about how he wasnt mad anymore and wanted to be a limo driver and other such nonsense. i thought about how many times the calls interrupted my day, created anxiety for me, made me think i was being a shitty friend for not answering. even once i did answer he called back later when i was trying to sleep! i sent a simple text to him saying our friend was no longer mad and wanted to be a limo driver now. this was more just commentary on something that happened in my day. at the end of the day i recieve a long message telling me how he doesnt need to be reminded of this annoyance and is trying to distance himself from other ppls bullshit and if im not getting in the middle of it then why am i saying anything. i felt caught off guard - mostly because i didnt do anything. all i did was comment on something in my own day and now he was triggered to the point of attempting to take it out on me. i told him it was a joke and meant to be a joke and i had no idea he was still annoyed and that he should speak up so i dont invite people to his house because i dont care whether or not hes friends with anyone, quite frankly. but dont trap me into scenarios which cause drama and upheaval because i made a single comment about someone and you failed to mention that you dont even like this person. then he replies that its "his fault" and he just doesnt want to deal with it because it "already ruined fishing, it ruined his afternoon and now its ruining his dinner". i simply replied, "cool, same here". because he never takes into account how much something may be "ruined" by his behavior and attitude. what about me? what about the fact that i asked to stop "dealing with our friend's bullshit" in february when he made inappropriate remarks to me? or the fact he was willing to give drugs to him - on several occasions - despite knowing that im really not down with it at all? but we've continued, for four more months, until the breaking point became him being late for fishing. please. this has continually ruined my general life experience for the past year. the two main people in my life are two of the shittiest people to be considered "main" people in my life. a schizoid drug dealer whom i met through a girl i can no longer even consider a friend because she is equally as crazy and a guy who is best known for being the catalyst of his best friend committing suicide because he fucked his best friends girlfriend. this is a terrible landscape of my life right now and literally all i can do is continually displace myself from THEIR bullshit because the amount of inconvinience they place on to my life far outweighs whatever inconvinience they feel from each other or from me. the thing is though - i dont "trust" my gut fully. i'm actualy more inclined not to trust my gut but my gut is continually right about a logical outlook on someone or their behavior and what that could define in their morality and ways of thinking and acting towards people. my gut told me my first boyfriend was kind of an asshole and that we didnt truly have much in common and that i was filling a role he wanted me to. i knew this, but i continued for many years. my gut told me my abusive ex was an absolute piece of shit but i stayed with him out of pure desperation because i honestly thought it would be better than this and honestly it is not. my gut tells me my current relationship is a real relationship but neither of us are capable of having a real relationship based on our own personal issues and demons and lack of emotional maturity. it's like equal contributions to why it doesnt work at a level we both want it to. we both want to have a mature adult relationship. we both understand to a degree how mature adult relationships work. we are not in any capacity mature adults. we are overgrown teenagers struggling with basic life skills, possibly on a level that is even more of a struggle than our average peer, trying to pretend that we are in fact adults and capable of managing a relationship. we are not though. ive been in long term relationships and understand that bringing up things like "its my fault" or "your right/wrong" doesnt actually add anything to the relationship. admitting it's "your fault" doesn't do much; putting into action - "i'm sorry i misinterpretated what you were saying but im definitely not into hanging out with him any time soon" is far better. but its not up to me to "police" how he should speak. it's up to him to decide that this method of communication is a lot more fair for both parties. it allows him the freedom to express what he wants and thinks while respecting that i'm someone with my own brain and individuality. but thats not where we're at. you cant force maturity. you accept this persons level of maturity or you find someone who has passed that level or possibly wait it out? but waiting it out is a fucking gamble and that's the gamble i've decided to take. you know, i'm not entirely prepared for an adult relationship where i literally contribute equally to the relationship as a whole.  i'm not ready for that in myself as a person. as an individual, my life would not benefit from a relationship with a partner giving to me equal to what i give - we would both starve and live on the streets and drive each other bat shit crazy and smoke endless amounts of weed. that's a really terrible life. but at the same time an equal partner to him would be someone unstable, someone who plays with monogamy, someone unwilling to pay into the relationship and carrying burdens of past lovers. someone who has a short temper and bad attitude, who is outspoken on their hatred of the world and people around them and brutally honest regarding split second thoughts and emotions they have towards those people. he wouldnt put up with it. honestly. so neither of us are ready to ask for much in a partner because we are not giving much in return. either of us. and thats a hard thing to accept and like.. i think even my doctor might have an askewed opinion on this because he wants to see me as a victim; maybe ive portrayed myself as such but we are not looking at the other side of things. who is this person and why are they in my life? why do they remain to be a significant person in my life by their own volition? they choose this. something in them wants to see me succeed and be healthy and do well and feel loved and cared for. that does not mean they are _responsible_ for my success, healthy or wellbeing. they are semi-responsible for giving love and care because of the definitions of the relationship they created but theyre not responsible for MAKING me FEEL loved and cared for. i have to accept the knowledge that they love me. so yes - why is he not "helping me"? thats what it comes down to. why am i not receiving some kind of "help" from him? but why is he responsible in giving this help? why are the parameters of an assumed healthy relationship by other people who may or may not even be in healthy relationships being put on something private and considerably always one sided as no one accept our mutual friend has seen our relationship grow? it's almost antiquated, but not naive or dumb, to think because hes a man, because he makes money, because he fucks me and loves me, that he should support me. that he should give me a place to live. give me money. offer it to me. why? where the fuck does it say that anywhere? that's not the stipulation upon fucking someone and that's actually a hard thing for people to swallow i think. maybe its a really ultra feminist idea -- just because a man fucks you doesnt mean he owes you anything other than like.. respect of consent. he doesnt even really owe you a ride home. honestly. he doesnt even owe you a drink or dinner. you made an adult decision to give yourself up to this man and he doesnt owe you shit in return. of course, it goes both ways. he buys her a drink - she doesnt owe him anything either. no one owes anyone anything. it's all a matter of your own free will and choice in how you will behave. what kind of person is fucking anyone because they bought them a drink anyways? but thats simplifying - over exaggerating, even. its the guy that asks a girl on a date and spends 150$ on dinner and buys an expensive bottle of wine and takes her to a concert he bought the tickets for; but he doesnt get laid. its now frowned upon - like he struck out on it. like she owed him her body because he decided to spend all this money. but just because youre in a "relationship" -- which is self defined to begin with. like the basic of it is two people who are close and know a lot about each other and spend time with each other and are possibly intimate. thats it. thats all the fuck there is. they owe you nothing in the past present or future. its just two fuckig people spending time together. thats it. how they choose to spend that time is totally up to them and whatever makes them as a couple and as individuals happy. and when you cant find that balance you no longer spend time together and thus no longer have a relationship. i also though, have to break out of this old mind set i've had for years that is a really ignorant mind set brought on by upper middle class people degrading me and my upbringing. but it happened for so long and so often that it's hard not to now believe it and default to this line of thinking. i feel like i've been reprogramming my brain. and i have to or else i remain in limbo - i have anxiety about life and then i feel bad about not working and then i have anxiety about not working and cant work because it's all just a cycle and i've just been made to feel like such a piece of shit, such a subhuman because this is the path ive "chosen". but in a multiple choice scenario where your choices are given to you and you have to select one, your level of free will has been diminished. and thats the scenario you live in when you are in poverty. but i'm too sick to get out of poverty. i feel stupid in some ways for believing this doctor will help me get on disability and receive more money. but i just want to live. i just want to live and be able to survive without this constant anxiety and worry about how to eat let alone how to deal with issues i've been struggling with since my teenage years. so i'm really hopeful, on the inside, because it would be jynxing it to be hopeful on the outside. but i'm tryng to go with it. i'm trying ot believe that he's right and right now i am making myself sick, i am perpetuating the cycle by not trying all these avenues of help. instead of worrying about not working or having money, i'm just trying to be. i'm just trying to know that i am sick and it's not "my fault" and i'm not "a burden". it's "okay" that i'm not working right now. i wouldnt be capable of it if i tried. and those failures because i am sick and unable to succeed just add to the issue. so i am tryng to focus on what works for me. because i am doing "the right thing". i'm doing the few things i can do, what i'm supposed to do - it's atleast given me some results. i have a few projects on the go and one remains to be the most successful thing ive done in the past year of my life and the success i've gotten from it has been something i have consistently worked hard for and has given me a reason to perservere in some very dark moments. i dont think people realize that though. they just see it as this thing i like to do but i see it as one of the very few reasons to wake up and do something. i feel responsible to people i have build a decent relationship with even though i have discovered that everyone is a human being and all have flaws which make them difficult to work with at times. maybe a majority of the time, even, but this is how i created something that has a purpose to me. something that goes beyond financial gain and politics and drugs and death -- something that is just good. it's just nice and good. it's not poisoned - though it has been threatened to be. and it has taught me so many good lessons in life and business. its one of the best things i have done. i want to continue my belief in that and myself. i lost that in the past six months. i lost the confidence that i knew what i was doing but i was allowing other people to do shitty things, to take control, to take advantage when they didn't care. and it was okay they didnt care. but i cared. and now that ive shown that i cared i am receiving more positive feedback and gaining more respect including from people who did not really enjoy me before as a person. i believe the best steps i can take right now is to focus first and foremost on my health and mental well being; which is accepting that my mental health directly affects my physical health and thus i am not a bad person for being tired and feeling sick even if i'm physically active and eating healthy. secondly is to secure a foundation in which i can build a stable independent life on regardless of how that is secured - even if it is not viewed as positive in popular opinion, like disability. it doesnt matter because independent means seperate from other people so other peoples opinions dont actually matter in this scenario. even if that means losing close relationships - such as the one with him. if i have true belief that this is what is best for me and i am literally putting it into the action when i want nothing more but to die on a regular basis then it is worth losing a relationship for if it means i'm going to live until next year. if it means i have a personal reason to live until next year. third is to allow myself to follow my ideas through and promote a healthy work ethic in myself that will build towards better socializing and potential revenue streams. it does not matter right now that its not making money. i am not bill gates over here. i'm not trying to reinvent the wheel. i'm just trying to do me. it's not about how this "directly affects my life" because i "dont have money". i am not capable of earning money through normal ways and cleaning apartments is not sustainable or worthy of investing my time in when it doesnt benefit me in any way but a brief 50$ spent on weed to nurture myself from the experience. quick-cash scenarios are feeding the cycle, even if it seems beneficial short term. some of my ideas are artistic, some are more administrative with real potential to make money without relying on 20$ jewelry sales. i really want to elevate what i'm doing in all areas of my life because that level of attention to detail is what makes me feel good about myself. looking at what ive created and seeing it as aesthetically pleasing and professionally sound to my eye and recieving positive feedback for it makes me feel good about myself. and i deserve to feel good about myself and i'm not self absorbed; the things i do are very charitable and serve my community and peers as well as allow me to explore my thoughts and ideas creatively. it is very easy to feed into the very quick dim witted insults that i get about this though. "sure, i wish IIII could just sit at home and play on the computer getting diability but i have to work" -- at first response, we've both forgotten why i'm even sitting at home to begin with; why it's hard for me, why i would be getting disability. all that's seen is someone "sitting at home". they do not see the sickness. they do not experience the life i've lived. i've been contnually slashed at by almost everyone i've ever known and just gotten up like "okay, it's cool, i got this" and acted like everything was fine but i'm bleeding out and have been bleeding out for a long time. you just cannot fix this overnight. and it's only now even as i write this that i realize i havent even focused on myself like this in years. literally years. i've actually felt very surreal lately because this shift in focus like i dont know anything of whats happening becuse i dont know myself and this is new to me. i feel disconnected. but ive spent a long time analyzing other people. and their actions towards me. and how ive felt about their actions towards me. and how their actions affected my life afterwards. very rarely have i ever analyzed just myself. my own actions, my own desires, my own beliefs which have little to no influence from outside sources. my combining life experiences to form the opinions which make up who i am; not who i'm told i am by my parents or my boyfriend. just me. and for a very long time i would say or think that whatever i thought about things, whatever my opinions or beliefs were, they werent that important. they werent as important as what everyone else thought because i wanted to be seen as a good person because good people experience a positive life. i want to have a positive life. i didnt want to be around drugs or drunks or stupid people. i wanted to join groups and do good things and be altruistic. i wanted and maybe still want to in some ways, serve people. because everyone else is more important than i am. its taken me a very long time - like a stubbornly long time that is actually exactly how long it would take me because thats exactly who the fuck i am - to admit that not all people are good. like even if 50% were good, even if 70% were good, there are billions of people on this planet so 30% would still be a fucking shit load of people that more than likely are walking past you on the street. they gotta live somewhere. you cant pretend like absolutely none of the bad people that clearly exist in the world dont exist around you. and unfortunately, and i'm still really stubborn on this, i think the number is higher in terms of bad people. i see a lot of bad people on a regular basis. not even associated with me. just out in the world, people doing shitty things to other people. so i think i could almost safely say atleast half of the worlds population are probably assholes. so to live in the belief that you are not important perpetuates a serious amount of trauma and abuse by the sheer number of assholes who exist on this planet. you actually need to be much better prepared in order to really sift through who is an asshole and who is not an asshole. if you think you're a piece of shit then no one is an asshole because whatever anyone does, they're better than you anyways so how could it be "bad". how can you "complain". it's not downgrading the trauma thats experienced - for example, my abusive ex, but knowing i wasnt important allowed me to stay in the relationship. i perpetuated the abuse by staying and accepting i wasnt important. when i left, it stopped. and even if i think i'm not important, at 27 years in, i really also don't like trauma and abuse. i do not like those feelings even if feeling important is not "important". but in order to stop trauma and abuse, the number one thing that must change is not feeling or believing me or my thoughts or emotions are important. what i regularly would deem as selfish is self-sufficient. it's survival. my stubbornness in believing the world is good is causing me serious harm. people are not all good, they do not all have good hearts but it's okay because some are good. all of them are human beings with flaws, but some are good human beings with flaws. so the fourth most important thing right now is breaking and creating connections with the "right" people. i am tired of drug users. i have been tired of drug users since i was sixteen and i am still tired of them now. i have never known a good drug user. i have never wanted to remain friends with one. i have never become a regular drug user. i am constantly embarassed and ashamed of the times i spent on drugs. it's okay to be alone if it means not spending time with people you're not going to do anything with anyways and you don't feel a good connection with. i want to be heard. right now, i'm not being heard. i believe thats a serious flaw in my closest relationship but i believe the voices in his head are screaming so loud, even when he's trying to listen, he can't hear anything past his own bullshit. it's not for lack of trying. i would love for him to be finished being friends with our mutual friend. ive not wanted to be friends for sometime but he didnt particularly care. even though i respect the time ive had with our mutual friend and the help hes given me and the time hes spent with me when ive been feeling down - he has never been helpful. he has also only ever fed me weed and even harder drugs when i have been particularly down. he has hindered my recovery many times and triggered issues. the only reason he is in my life is so i can buy weed easily. and that in itself might be causing an issue in my life. the other week he handed me this book, "i'm okay - you're okay". he told me it was basically what i try to say to him; not the contents, just the title. and i guess that sums it up -- what i'm doing is "okay" and what he is doing is "okay". it hurts, yeah. because i'm a human being with flaws and emotions and my own issues and other people - many other people, not just him - will trigger these issues. a lady at the hospital coldly said, "to me, it might be nothing, to you, it might be everything". but it's true -- this might be nothing to someone else. ive occassionally thought successful marriages have docile women who have accepted that men can be ignorant and aggressive people by nature. everyone seems to have a story of an overzealous over the top angry man - even if they were just angry and no one was harmed. but to me, it's everything. to me, it triggers immediate fear and a response of crying and wanting to run away beause something bad is going to happen. it's not just being yelled at - something bad will happen. when he screamed at me on the weekend, things shifted. i could feel a level of embarassment; it wasn't like he was really trying to prove something. he knew it was a disgusting display, immature and extremely unhelpful for my particular situation. he wanted to quickly sweep it aside - just as he did again today when he realized i wasnt actually trying to start "something".

imma not even proof read this....but this is a convo again, before i even met my true love

Texts to x:

idk what i was talking about....i think US and education and free education

*sent a pic from usnews.com*

“Wiener Professor of Social Policy at Harvard Kennedy School, believes that the last 30 years of rising American inequality can be attributed to three key factors:

The US government does ‘considerably less’ than comparable democracies to even out disposable family incomes, Jencks says. And current state and local tax policies ‘actually increase income inequality’ (in america, yeah, because people in low income areas dont use this to their advantage--future writings will make this make more sense. This is from december 2016 or january 2017...dont remember).

‘All the costs and risks of capitalism seem to be shifted largely to those who work rather than those who invest’, he said

Compounding the economic imbalance is the unlikely prospect that those at the bottom can ever improve their lot.”

Me: shouldnt that mean that not only should we work. But invest [in things that can help us develop--ex: infrastructure companies, and all things that benefit to the public--instead of the government being a monopoly, we (markets, the people) will put in our money to companies we like that we believe will be the best for us, and just let us give money to all these companies, that will work together since theyre all gonna do the same thing and we all just want the same thing, and they can just collaborate and make the best that they can. And then we didnt have to pay taxes and not know where it is going. In a sense, investing in companies is like paying taxes, but more transparent and more control of where your money goes--which is to support a company to do x,y,z to help benefit your community and/or country]? But like….thats not taught in school because they want to keep the power limited to only a few and not the masses (the markets, the people who all gather and pool their money in all of these companies that will then go to work together and make the best thing they can make) lol. Oh america…

*pic from same thing*

“Hendren, along with Harvard economists Katz and Raj Chetty, now at Stanford Uni, looked at the lasting effects of moving children to better neighborhoods as part of Moving to Opportunity, a short-lived federal housing program from the ‘90s. Their analysis, published in May, found that the longer children are exposed to better environments, the better they do economically in the future. Whichever city or state children grow up in also radically affects whether they will move out of poverty, he said”

Me:Power of association!! And media flaunts the “low-income” area lifestyle...and they keep the cycle going! Gotta learn the system (the cycle). Exploit it. Give back to education and other welfare shit [but only let them pay if they 1. Waste our help 2. Are greedy 3. Keep fucking up more than enough times that we can afford--which i assume is where an actuary would come in--keep reading because i mention more to this with prison, media, college tuition]. BUT. I think the the biggest thing to give back is knowledge (of surroundings, their influence, give them power to empower them, let them be them and not what media makes them want to be, not what their surroundings want them to be) and the confidence and the belief that we all can come together and learn of ourselves, our difference (and explain to one another why--but it always goes down to that we are human and just want to survive) and to learn to get the power from within us already, and use that and use things we learn and use them for good. Use this and that part of what the world offers and tie them together and make it for the good of all. Knowledge of self, history, psychology, cycles is power. Power over our human. Our flaws and ego and pride.

Me: we think that public things arent ours (when they literally are--we share them--it was our taxes--so that the government can do this and make it available for us--but yeah, it has no explicit value--we paid with taxes--we will think it is not worth it and not good--but thats where people who do value this PUT THEIR OWN VALUE IN IT. then they abuse it and fuck it up for everyone and as a result….we wasted….as a result, we inflate. As a result, we fucked ourselves over. We as people in a democracy rely on one another...so stop stealing. Stop wasting. And with this mindset, then we know we are obligated to have it and it is evenly given to us (because we gave it to ourselves!) and we help not just other people, but you help yourself.

Me: however the only issue i see is that middle class people who are really trying their hardest to survive out here are definitely the ones who deserve more. (Their market is getting smaller, but they are paying more (is it because it will then add more people to middle class? But those below us dont use it to their true full advantage to educate themselves and move up from their surroundings and change their lifestyle around). And thats where middle class working people will then have to cut down on keeping their minds and bodies healthy--they overwork with unhealthy food--that makes them lose money and unhealthy--and that makes them become poorer and poorer. We ALL can do something about this. And i think that for working class middle class people, they shouldnt get health insurance benefits--but rather things to AVOID getting it, because 1) they are still getting unhealthy because they are still in the system and 2) continues for them to keep paying into these things--and instead pay to innovations in food, and making sure the planet is okay, there isnt an imbalance in one thing that can tip something and cause a famine or extreme weather or a drought or have too many certain animals and how that can throw off the whole ECOSYSTEM.) their quality is getting worse and worse because they have to settle for less (government stuff--which we give to) and they are paying more and more (...so instead of doing that....instead of getting food from this and that with harmful things on them...instead of making yourself sick, give yourself life! Ensure yourself and your health and your life...or you can make your own company and run your own self sustaining home and life and have balance--and teach others, and give to them). We cant even buy good things for a good quality life. Housing. Goods. Etc. like. Food is the BEST remedy and preventor. Get healthy food and you keep your health. Its worth spending your money on that, instead of then having to spend it on things mentioned before. Same with education and spreading knowledge and ideas and giving it all back. Because it is a chain reaction. We are all interdependent. Be smart. Be empowered. Give yourself power. Get rid of the money. Dont be afraid to let go of that bc if you dont, you are afraid of your true life. Give live and power to yourself. Get health. Make sure you are healthy. Eat healthy. Live healthy. Feed your brain healthy things. If you have to, live in a shitty area for cheap, but your environment doenst define you. What you put into yourself (that true life) is what defines you. You can define yourself.

Me: and because they get taxed so much, ppl cant afford to go to school because they are just trying to make it alive (and they get stuck in there. And they go to drugs. They go to crime. They go to temporary satisfaction. They get a girl pregnant and they cycle continues and/or gets worse.

Him: yeah but knowledge costs money a majority of the time. Education costs thousands. GOOD education reaches the hundred thousands (my reply rn: UMMMM. Doesnt matter!! That is subjective!!! Life is always the same! But it depends on the PERSON! Do you find value in something because you put your efforts in it? Someone can have a SHITTY life, but they can either learn from it, or let it USE THEM and OVERPOWER them. They are giving their circumstances the power over them, when they can take that circumstance, learn from it, gather knowledge and ideas and MAKE IT BETTER FOR THEMSELVES!)

Him: i agree we should fund our own shit (my reply rn: yeah we should, but then whatever we get...USE THE BEST OF IT, even if it is small, because you are gaining experience and knowledge and you can take it all and add it all up to make it enough for you!)

Me: like people arent making enough. So they cant rely on the government alone. They need to learn the system (aka take what they were given. Use the lessons. Take it all apart. Rebuild it to make it better for yourself...afterall...the system is there because you let them….so make the most of it...spend more money on healthy food...spend more money on books. Spend more money on travel. Spend more on living! Everythingggg is interdependent)

Him: public water fountains, parks, etc...would be so much cooler and cleaner. How would you use the system? If you dont control the system? (ummm….i have control over myself...i dont let the hate, and greed, and all those 7 sins all around me corrupt me). If you wanted to control the system (which i dont at all. I want to liberate people from their fears that they feed into them and then provide a solution to get money off of them and repeat it….we can innovate without having the extremes happen...see one flaw and fix it! Before the whole thing collapses!) you need to be the one giving the government money and that requires hundreds of millions (unless we all stop living in the grid and in the system that they made for us and be more self reliant on life sustaining things and happiness….then we dont need money...at all lol). We could have it all if all our tax dollars didnt go to war (which is the extremes that happen….but we let things keep falling and getting worse…)

Me: so then they can 1) afford to live. Not just live and make it. But to have a healthy good quality life that they can actually enjoy 2) fund a better education for kids, aka, the future of our country and our world. (so we dont get stuck in the cycle) and we need NEW ideas. Because were stuck in a patriarchal and oligarchy society (which i will write about later on about how females were actually the ones who run the world--and we still do--but it is the man who is given too much power and wants more and more and then will attack their giver and keep all of the incoming ones down) ALSO! READ MY SHIT! MY STUFF THAT I WROTE IN ENGLISH CLASS! Because I do mention that we can educate more people and improve the country in the long term. Instead of sending them to war with bad weapons and for a temporary profit that is only good for the short term and for one side. But for the long term? And the longer and wider term? It doesnt work. And it sucks for not just america, but then any other place we connect with through trade and all that other stuff and it gives us the result of having to shoot ourselves back down. Whatever we do short term, comes back in the long run in a bad way.

Him: and there hasnt been a new system of eons. Capitalisn, facism, democracy, and communism is the best humanity has been able to do. Yeaeh we can do a lot more than 50% of our taxes going to us lol

Me: Communism will stop growth. And its just not in our human nature (or any nature). Because we need incentives….we need to work for an unknown set up and set it up (the bar) for ourselves and see where we go from there. We need to not just know what we get and/or dont get out of x,y,z….but its what drives us and what makes us take risks to then go to our highest point

Him: hmmm. The incentive in communism arguably could be that you want the best for everyone (MY SIDE NOTE...or they just want everyone to just be their puppets and set everything up in their way….which is close to dictatorship and totalitarianism and extreme authoritarianism….). Like you dont want anyone to be homeless so you give up your mansion for an average sized home so that maybe 10 more people can have average sized houses who never had a house. (or….we all can be given all these things….like set with all the greatest and biggest things ever...but if we dont put in the effort and the time….then that will just become smaller and smaller and we lose our own value that is already within us…..)

Me: Yeah but that wouldnt be fair if we all get the same and one does wayyyy more than someone else and they get the same. (thats like someone who is a sinner, but the more someone wastes and the more they do this and that….then it will be more repentance they need….which is imo, something that would be a good college structure. Get a set salary, and if the teacher passes x amount then they get a raise from the people who set it. However, if a student still decides to fail...then they must pay back for what the professor may have been given the raise for….or they can just pay for what they failed bc the teacher had a set tuition and gave their best to teach these kids and not let them put the knowledge to waste...it would teach kids to really apply what they are learning in the time they are given and be smarter and choose smarter, etc….because they dont want to work for x amount of time just to repay the teacher….or….students can get a stipend for their efforts and continuous good grades...which could also act as a positive praise….like there is a negative punishment where they take something someone likes to punish them….or they give them something they dont like….which is suffering something in some form). Human nature doesnt work that way. We need to change the mindset and let people think like this: do your best. Educate yourself. Empower yourself. Dont let the bad 1% of the 1% fuck u up. Try to get involved. Voice out your opinion correctly and strong and respectively and still listen to other opinions and then put that one together and then you can make a good and/or maybe better deal. And spread it

Him: but then its not fair that most people have to be at the bottom for others to be successful

Me: (ummm….started from the bottom….duhhh lol. Its the effort!). No..because we will be educated and school would be available. And tbh. We ALL have the tools we need to succeed. And yes...it will be harder for others because they started at the bottom and/or they were oppressed (and again it goes to their perseverance and their risk taking and how they calculate this and that and knowing what they want and why..because every view that is higher than where they were is always better than the one below….so never really have expectations. But go in increments of getting it done….because then you will be happy you got there, and be happy you have more than what you previously had and then you can use all that you used before, like the leftovers, and then add more to that from where you are now and then how you can get even higher...kinda like exponential growth). But they need to use the tools more resourcefully. Like yo. We got the internet. That has everything on there and it connects people and knowledge and thats just expansion waiting to happen...and the reward feeling will be beyond them. Theyll be super happy. Share and spread how. Their stories of success and it will inspire people. And thats why people think education is being wasted and not as valued as it should be anymore (because a lot do waste it and its because they are just another cycle…) people dont use it to their best advantage and they dont realize how advantageous it is, so it only SEEMS like it is getting people nowhere. AND on top of that (culture), there is a lot of entertainment and superficial things out there that distract them. And entertainment takes the education process out. I reallllyyyyy think education and learning in general is great. And i do think that entertainment can be cut down lol. Like idk. Raise prices for those things and make people get pushed out of that due to the fact they will waste mad money and time on it and not get anything in return. I actually want to be an educator. But not the typical one. Just empower people and put emphasis on autonomy and using resources out there to their best ability and even get creative about it. Emphasis on self education, reading, thinking deeper, questioning underlying things, learning outside of school, connecting things and how things affect what and who and why and how and where it all starts and what the time was and repeat that. How to actually improve things and do research and develop our own thoughts and stuff, instead of just rioting and protesting and boycotting and strikes. Instead of when there is a problem, dont fight with nothing….go make something. Because again…..that damage will be reflected in our own tax money….so really take these things and use them to make it better...i think knowledge and questioning everything you THINK you know...and wonder if it is rlly you or just what THEY want you to think (which is what DJ Khaled is trying to tell us)

*sends pic from usanews.com*

“‘Its definitely been a strategy’ to justify starving government resources, which in turn weakens it and makes it less attractive as a tool to accomplish big things, said Skocopol. ‘In an everybody-for-themselves situation, it is the better-educated and the wealthy who can protect themselves’”.

The middle paragraph tho. They already have a huge privilege to be in school. I have the internet and books too so i can even further my knowledge. However, that is not accessible to everyone. And they will be left behind and isnt it a constitutional thing that we ALL have the liberty to use things to achieve our pursuit of happiness?

im rly tired.... irl stuff Stressful i dont like whats happening in my irl rn and i feel rly bad and just wanna lay down and pretend im not here 

escapism: browsing horse selling sites, fantasising about just buying a cheap horse and giving up life 

also more random discourse pondering 

1. did... certain ppl in the fandom literally decide a bunch of things about me bc of some posts i made bc.... esp one reblog i got was apparently not even directed at me with the “ppl r nasty!” stuff (im glad bc fair), but just, it sounds like some ppl did make assumptions. who gave u the right to assume a bunch of stuff about me? like suddenly everyone who thinks Random Adults arent responsible for personally and individually protecting Random Minors also have all kinds of other “”immoral”” opinions and stuff that i never talked about in my posts.... (again, protecting minors is the parents’ job foremost, its great if we can keep minors safe but is the right way of doing that letting them hang out in unsafe spaces?? again most social media isnt safe for minors and if ur allowed to post adult content on it, then that is indeed the rule of the site, so minors shouldnt be on it if it can harm them... and again. i was an abused child and i saw nsfw stuff online, its not any sort of foreign experience to me, but when i was a minor i didnt push the failed responsibilites of my parents onto other adults bc its just not their responsibility. i care about protecting kids a lot as an abuse victim, but if ur gonna call ppl immoral for being adults who exist, i dont agree.) 

2. isnt part of this actually that, rather than adults invading teen spaces, teens are invading adult (mixed age) spaces and demanding other users (not the site staff itself!) that the space be changed for them? while playing sso, i follow all the rules and dont do anything unsuitable for it being a family-friendly space. however, on any social media space that allows adult content, if teens demand how adults should act or what they should post on this site (aside from obvs illegal or abusive matters and following the site rules! obvs!) then like.... isnt it weird? this whole moralism is just rly similar to jeh*vahs witnesses showing up telling u “actually u cant be gay. u need to stop living in sin and doing immoral things, follow our rules otherwise u r on satan’s side and u wont get to live in paradise” like.... check urself bc i rly dont think u wanna be that person. anyway, the point is that a fandom outside of the original game and official media abides by the rules of the site on which the fandom is located, thats how the world works...... like ive said many times, being able to mark posted content as mature and it being hidden from minors via the site functionality (ao3, da, youtube, twitter) + using warnings, is the safe and decent thing to do when nsfw content is allowed on a social media. 

3. sex is evil, a lot of the stuff is coming down to that too. rly backwards going... its scary reading so many ppl talking exactly like religious extremists but thinking theyre just “normal nice ppl” and not identifying as religious while theyre still saying all the same stuff. not to say nsfw content is safe for minors etc but its just like..... a lot of it doesnt sound like its about that its not phrased like “lets keep the minors away from social media” its phrased instead as “lets remove sexual content” (especially “immoral” content, which is heavily religious thing to be fighting about) 

thats just me rambling....... anyway..... irl rly shit right now and dunno how to handle everything, just want 10 horses