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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Blue Neighborhood Series: COOL (Rock-centric) - Mac

AN: Thanks as always to Meggie! Who is an angel on earth for betaing. I love her to death. And thanks to everyone leaving such amazing comments! It means so much!

Summary: In the aftermath of their night of revenge, Rock struggles to find where she fits in.

Monday morning brought the news: vandalism, several thousand dollars worth of property damage, a ruined reputation, and speculation.

The most obvious suspect, Heidi, had an alibi. The photos Widow had taken were time-stamped and location tagged. There was no trail for anyone to follow.

They had gotten away with it.

That should have made Rock feel better.

It didn’t.

And besides a few more names and faces in the hall, the night didn’t do much for Rock socially. She had thought, maybe foolishly, that some good old fashioned illegal activity might finally be the push she needed to make some friends. As it was, she was still eating her lunch alone in the old prop room above the theatre.

But she had her anime and her videogames and her ability to tune out the world around her.

She propped her phone up and clicked on the next episode of My Hero Academia. It was her third time watching it through, and she knew the episodes by heart now. But the familiarity offered her comfort in an otherwise hectic day.

Rock was so absorbed in the show that she almost missed the crash on the stage below her. Almost.

She clambered up on unsteady feet, heart pumping in her ears as she walked out of the stuffy prop room and onto the platform directly above the stage. She looked down and was shocked to see two familiar faces strolling through the prop trees that made up the set, giggling like children.

“Don’t break that!” Jan scolded, though her words lacked bite.

“I didn’t see it!” Jaida said, crossing her arms defensively.

“You’re so tall you can’t see anything below your knees, huh?” Jan teased. “Well, I guess we can’t all be future D-1 athletes.”

Jaida started to grab at Jan, who narrowly avoided her grasp. The two girls fell into another round of giggles. This time they both ducked their heads away, unable to keep eye contact.

Rock observed them warily, hair prickling on the back of her neck at how familiar this scene seemed. She should go, should leave the two alone, and allow them to get up to whatever they came here for, but something kept her rooted in her spot. Morbid curiosity.

When they settled down and color was high on both of their cheeks, Jan motioned to the audience widely. “Are you gonna shut up and let me do my thing or what?”

Jaida held her hands up in mock surrender, shit-eating grin still etched into her features, as she made her way into the first row of seats, spreading out her long limbs goofily, flopping around in an effort to make Jan smile.

Jan held back, but the joy still shone in her eyes.

She tried to steady herself, inhaling deeply, before beginning to sing.

Rock didn’t recognize the song, but she found that it didn’t really matter, the tone of Jan’s voice conveyed everything she needed to know. The notes drifted up into the rafters, settling high above the singer and melding to the ceiling. The emotion hung in the air. Sadness, self-reflection, loss. It plucked at Rock’s heartstrings more than she cared to admit.

She wasn’t the only one.

Jaida sat in the audience, previous sloppy posture made up now, back ramrod straight, eyes wide.

As the song came to an end, Jan gave a silly bow. Jadia smiled so bright Rock could make it out from where she was standing. The loud clapping echoed in the empty auditorium and Jan giggled as Jaida approached the stage, eyes still wide in amazement.

“I can’t believe you didn’t get the lead.” Jaida shook her head.

Jan sat down on the edge of the stage, her legs hanging off the side. “It just wasn’t meant to be, I guess.” She shrugged.

“Well, you’re amazing.” Jaida grinned. “But I agree,” she paused, “you sound much better on stage than in your backyard.”

Jan laughed, throwing her head back in abject joy, long strawberry blonde hair tumbling down her back and shaking along with her shoulders. Rock hadn’t seen her this happy in what felt like forever. She seemed lighter somehow. Freer.

When the two locked eyes again, something different passed between them, Rock had only a second to process before Jan leaned in to close the distance between her and Jaida.

The kiss lasted only a second before Jan pulled back. She was clearly shocked by her own actions, Rock could tell, because a split second later she was standing up on wobbly legs and running toward the exit of the auditorium.

Jadia was left to stare at the empty space she left.

Rock planned to leave. To exit quiet and daintily and pretend like she saw nothing. God clearly had other plans because as she began to tiptoe back the way she had come, her hand missed the railing, causing her to stumble and cry out before catching herself.

“Fuck!” Jaida yelled in shock, jumping about six feet in the air.

She shielded her eyes as she looked up into the bright stage lights. “Jesus, Rock,” Jaida exhaled. “The fuck are you doing up there?”

Rock blushed head to toe. “Oh, ya know, eating lunch.”

Jaida put her hands on her hips. “So… You saw that, huh?” She motioned to the space where Jan had stood.

Rock nodded hesitantly, unsure of what the correct answer was. Jaida pursed her lips and ran a hand through her dark hair.

“Can we, uh, keep this between us?”

Rock didn’t need prompting. She nodded once, firmly. Jaida offered her a weak smile in return before heading the way in which Jan had run off.

Rock’s head was spinning. She didn’t keep up much with school gossip, finding it confusing at best and defamatory at worst, but you didn’t need to be nosy to know about the infamous red truck photo. The school had gone wild a few weeks back, speculation circling in every social circle. The conclusion had been that Eastview’s ‘it’ girl, Jan, had been getting it on with the varsity basketball captain. Everyone had accepted it as fact, and, not feeling the need to question it, Rock had believed it too.

But based on the scared, and quite frankly, disgusted reaction Jan just had… Rock suddenly felt the need to sit down as realization dawned on her: Jan wasn’t the one in the picture.

And that opened a whole other can of worms.

Rock sighed. She really needed to find a new place to eat lunch.

…

Rock coughed out a cloud of smoke.

She heard murmurs from her companions, some judgmental, others bored. She did her best to ignore them as she raised the contraption to her lips again, and someone leaned over with a lighter.

The weed burned her. Throat and nose alight with a smell that felt like it was filling the space between her brain and her skull. She didn’t cough this time, which she counted as a victory, and she passed the bong to her right.

Widow encouraged her. “That was good! Usually newbies cough for like an hour.”

Rock just nodded, if she opened her mouth to speak she knew she would cough. She held it in, content for now to hold her breath and wait the feeling out. She took the time to admire her new position, even if it was just for the day.

After not so subtly mentioning her social predicament in the group chat, Widow had been among the first to offer her an alternative.

Rock found that she actually used the group chat that was formed after their night of shenanigans a lot more than she thought; every now and then she shared funny videos she found or had a sidebar conversation with Jackie about their statistics class. Some of the other girls used it frequently too, with Crystal and Heidi being the most vocal. The cheerleaders mostly kept to themselves, but would react to conversations with an emoji or two. Even Widow chimed in every now and then with a biting comment or a response to someone’s question.

Rock felt lucky her self-deprecating joke was answered at all, let alone by three separate people.

For now though, she just thanked the stars that she got to spend more time with Widow. After their night of illegal activity, Rock had been itching to learn more about the mysterious older girl. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt drawn to her presence.

Rock tried to relax as Widow’s friends settled into easy conversation.

The outside air was welcome on her heated skin; the fall breeze dancing up and down her legs, feet against the brick of the shed. They were still on school property, which caused a bit of underlying panic in Rock’s gut, but her companions seemed unbothered and had clearly been doing this often enough to not be nervous.

They were far from the school, Rock reasoned, the long-abandoned athletic shed being located just a stone’s throw away from the already distant baseball field. There was virtually no way they would get caught. Still.

The bong made the rounds again and Rock hit it twice more, only coughing a bit on the second exhale.

She didn’t start to feel the effects until a bit later. At first, she couldn’t even tell, her mind already thrumming with nerves, but as her heartbeat slowed in her chest and her thoughts began to calm she felt an unfamiliar wave of weight fall off her. Before long her head felt hazy and light and she was smiling widely, giggling at the blades of grass jumping, dipping, and turning in the wind.

Widow smiled encouragingly at her and said something that Rock didn’t hear. The older girl waited patiently until Rock made eye contact before repeating herself.

“We gotta get back,” she said. “Class starts soon.”

Rock nodded, but it made her head dizzy so she stopped. Widow extended a hand, and Rock took it gratefully, doing her best to appear unfazed by the sudden movement upward. She must have failed because Widow’s eyes suddenly looked concerned.

“You okay, Roxy?” she asked genuinely.

Rock nodded. “Yeah, I just…” She trailed off.

She just what? What? Wat? Water. She needed water.

She let Widow lead her to the school, all the while doing her best to fight the heaviness of her eyes. They made it inside with a few minutes to spare, minutes Rock gratefully took to guzzle water from the fountain.

Widow rubbed her back in slow circles, reminding her to breathe and to take it slow. As the bell chimed above them, Rock felt her stomach flip unpleasantly. The echo of the noise bounced around in her head, and she suddenly didn’t feel so good.

She lied through her teeth when Widow asked her again if she was okay. Rock didn’t want to be a bother. She had already been enough of a burden by smoking Widow and her friend’s good weed and now she was keeping Widow from class. Rock shook her head and did her best to assure her that she would be fine. Widow only left after getting Rock to pinky promise she would text her if anything went wrong.

Rock practically sunk into her seat in her next class. Her head felt light but her eyes felt heavy and the weird combination of sensations was doing a number on her thoughts. As their teacher began to pass out test grades Widow’s words echoed in her head, “don’t freak yourself out or your trip can get real bad.”

Easier said than done.

It felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on her head, as Rock saw yet another bright red D on her test.

Fuck.

Her parents were gonna kill her.

Not because they really cared a lot about her grades, but because it meant they’d have to come into the school and have another useless talk with her teachers about her performance.

Rock’s parents were… busy. From the time she could comprehend the word, that’s what her parents had been. Busy with work, busy with social engagements, busy with things that a silly little girl would never understand. Busy. And that had been fine. It meant that Rock didn’t have a bedtime, could order from her favorite pizza place every night, could not do her homework for weeks at a time. But Rock quickly learned that she’d really rather have parents than the freedom to fall into a sugar coma every night.

Her parents were busy. They didn’t have time to cook dinner or clean the house or, well, parent. Rock had taken on that responsibility, helping her little sisters to bed, making sure they got their homework done on time, packing their lunches for them. She did her best, learned to cook, how to drive, and how to head a house, but she still fell short a lot of the time.

Especially when it came to her own needs.

And because she never really had a strong family structure, Rock had become self-sufficient to the point of isolation. Maybe that’s why it was so hard for her to make friends, not that she had much time to dedicate to outside relationships anyway. Still. It would be nice to not have to go it alone all the time.

All of a sudden the room started spinning, as opposed to the calm relaxing way it had been moments ago. This time it was a violent thrashing instead of a gentle rocking, and Rock felt herself gripping her desk in an attempt to slow it down. The people around her started staring, she could hear their whispers without straining her ear.

But what really got to Rock was when the person behind her tapped her lightly on the shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her seat, banging her knee forcefully on the desk instead.

“Woah, sorry!” The guy apologized, but his words felt like they were delayed with his mouth and she could practically feel them hitting her skin, and Rock needed to get out of here now.

She stood up to the best of her abilities and sprinted out into the empty hallway. The whipping motion of her head as she desperately searched for the nearest bathroom only made her dizzier. The nearest women’s restroom was blissfully empty, and Rock wasted no time before dousing her face in water, her makeup be damned. She scrubbed and scrubbed at her skin, the only action that made her feel like her body was her own.

When Rock felt steady enough, she made the brave decision to sit on the grimy bathroom floor near the window unit until she felt better. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head against them for an immeasurable amount of time. Girls entered and exited the bathroom, but Rock paid them no mind.

After a while, when the world stopped spinning, and she felt more like herself, she stood up. She glanced down at her phone to see three notifications from Widow.

W: you still feeling ok?

W: you should have lunch with us again

W: everybody really liked having you

Rock declined politely.

…

Lunch with Brita, Gigi, and Jan didn’t go much better.

Gigi had thrown out the offer after Crystal and Widow. It was half-baked at best, Rock knew. She still went, willing to give the whole experience a chance. The night of the revenge plot the cheerleaders hadn’t seemed so bad. Maybe a little stuck up, but ultimately harmless.

Rock quickly found that her assessment had been correct. They were harmless. Harmless and boring.

Jan spent the whole period practically mute, picking at her lunch with a fork. Rock couldn’t help but wonder if Jaida had mentioned her presence that day in the theatre. By the way Jan was refusing to make eye contact with her, not even deigning to smile, Rock was pretty sure it had come up.

Brita was too involved in texting whoever and ignoring the puppy dog eyes from her boyfriend to notice Rock’s appearance. Gigi was sulking, but attempting to make light conversation with Rock.

“So… uh, you going to Homecoming?” Gigi asked.

Rock shook her head. “Nah, gotta babysit my little sisters.”

“Oh.”

It was mostly true. She always had to look after her little sisters. But mainly she wasn’t going because she had no one to go with. And as much as Rock was perfectly fine on her own, she had no desire to be reminded of it for an entire night.

“Well, Jackie and I are going together,” Gigi said. “As friends,” she quickly corrected.

Gigi glanced over at a still quiet Jan, something strange passing behind her eyes and sneaking into her tone. “And we aren’t sure yet if Jan is taking anybody, but she’s riding with us.”

Jan glanced up at her name and offered Gigi a weak smile.

“So if you change your mind and need a ride, we got you.” Gigi smiled. “I mean, we all live next to each other.” Gigi gave a weak laugh at a joke she didn’t make.

This had been a mistake.

Rock didn’t consider herself to be incredibly exciting, but the sheer lack of personality coming from the table made her feel sucked dry of any creativity and will to live. Rock mentally patted herself on the back. She had given it a go with the popular kids, young Rock would be proud to see her sitting with a bunch of cheerleaders. Finally socially important.

She could tell Gigi meant well, and no offense to her, but Rock would literally rather get hit by whatever insufferable party bus the girls had no doubt rented than go to Homecoming with their group.

But Rock just smiled and nodded politely. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

…

When she attempted to eat with Crystal, Heidi, Aiden, Jackie, and Nicky things went a little better.

Crystal welcomed her with a warm smile and even walked with her arm in arm to the art room where they ate. She sat on the tabletop and the two went through and traded food like they were in grade school again. Crystal gawked at how good Rock’s fried monkfish and coriander sauce tasted, and Rock hid a blush at the compliment to her cooking.

As Aiden and Heidi filtered in they each gave Rock a smile and a polite wave, before delving into another one of their nonsensical arguments. Rock tried to follow their logic but got lost halfway through and just settled for looking at Crystal with raised eyebrows.

“They always do that.” Crystal rolled her eyes at the two.

Jackie entered a few minutes later and joined in on the argument. Crystal and Rock just sat back and enjoyed the added layer of entertainment.

“Jacks always uses big words that neither of them knows and then they fight about that too,” Crystal whispered, eyes alight with mischief.

Rock giggled at the statement as she saw it play out before her very eyes.

All of a sudden Crystal’s posture changed, her previous relaxed shoulders suddenly upright and attentive. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why.

Rock wasn’t immune to the charms of women, having chosen not to label her sexuality just yet, but knowing a good looking woman when she saw one.

And Nicky was good looking. Her beauty only rivaled by her impeccable fashion sense. It was kind of unfair, really.

Crystal coughed awkwardly as Nicky made her way over to the two.

“Hello, Roxanne,” Nicky greeted as she sat next to her.

The extra beat of silence as Nicky didn’t greet Crystal rang out pointedly.

“How have you been?” Nicky directed her question to Rock, who stumbled out some form of an answer.

“Fine. Good. Fine. I’ve been… good.”

Nicky smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Good.”

After another ten or so minutes of pointed silence, Rock excused herself, the art room suddenly feeling less freeing and more restrictive with the added tension. She let herself out the big metal doors that lead directly from the art room to the outside, let herself breathe in and out once before completely breaking down.

Four years of buildup released itself in gasping breaths and a stream of tears.

She was a senior in high school—a damn senior—and she had no friends, no life, and no plans for the future. She had missed out on football games and sleepovers and trips to the mall and parties and all the things that high school movies drill into you from the time you can talk that make the whole four years worth living.

Rock had missed it all. She had been too exhausted or too bored or too… busy.

Fuck.

She was just like her parents.

And wasn’t that just a kick to her already wounded pride.

Rock heard footsteps approaching the door so she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and plastered on a fake smile for who she assumed to be Crystal.

She was shocked to find Nicky looking at her concerned, a carton of cigarettes half out of her back pocket.

“Hey.”

The two stared at each other for a moment.

“Sorry, did you want to be alone?” Nicky asked genuinely.

“No, no,” Rock shook her head. “It’s totally fine.”

Nicky looked awkwardly at her feet and then awkwardly at the cigarette box in her hand. “You want one?” She offered.

Rock looked at the package doubtfully and shook her head. “Thanks though.”

Nicky nodded and pulled out a bright red lighter, flicking it open and holding the cigarette to her parted lips. Rock watched her, fascinated by the way she effortlessly held the smoke in her lungs, then exhaled just as gracefully.

“So… You are a fan of Death Note?” Nicky asked, blowing out a small cloud of smoke.

Rock looked up at her words.

“You have a Ryuk sticker on your laptop,” Nicky explained. “He is Ryuk here, yes?”

Rock nodded, shock still evident on her features. “Oh, y-yeah,” she stammered out. “It’s one of my favorites.”

Nicky smiled, easy and effortless. “Me too.”

“You…”

Nicky rolled her eyes. “Yes, I like anime. Why is that so hard for people to understand?”

Rock ran a hand nervously at her neck. “Well, you look like that.” She motioned to Nicky’s frankly editorial outfit of a black turtleneck tucked into copper pants, nude platforms, and minimal gold jewelry accentuating her model-like posture.

Nicky quirked an eyebrow up as she exhaled another cloud of smoke. “And you look like that. I do not see a difference.”

“Yeah, okay.” Rock scoffed and rolled her eyes. “You watched anything good recently?”

Nicky didn’t hide the way her eyes lit up, and Rock felt her stomach twist in anticipation.

“Okay, I know it’s taboo,” Nicky worried her lip between her teeth, nervous energy suddenly rolling off her in waves, “but RWBY is really good,” Nicky rushed out.

“You did NOT just say that to me!” Rock exclaimed, doing her best to hide a smile at Nicky’s defensive expression. “The animation—”

Nicky cut her off, free hand expressively gesturing. “—it’s shit, I know, but it gets better!”

Rock shook her head disapprovingly, barely biting back a laugh at this point.

“And there are lesbians!” Nicky added animatedly. “Well, they aren’t confirmed yet,” she conceded, “but they will be!”

Rock continued to shake her head. “How dare you say you like anime!”

Nicky looked at her hard, but the underlying tone of abject joy still rang out clearly. “Listen, bitch, I watched all of Attack on Titan and read the manga. I paid my dues, let me enjoy this.”

Rock couldn’t help the raucous laughter that escaped her. Nicky joined her moments later, the two smiling all the while.

“Okay, okay, fine.” Rock held her hands up in surrender.

Nicky smiled widely.

It was a good look on her.

Rock winced as she put out the cigarette with her expensive-looking heel.

When the two made eye contact again, something different swam in Nicky’s cool blue orbs. “Crystal will kill me if she knows I’ve been smoking.”

Rock nodded, a sudden understanding of the situation dawning. “Your secret is safe with me,” she promised.

Nicky offered her a weak smile, before allowing her face to reform into the pristine, confident force of nature she always was. She nodded her head to the art room door and Rock smiled in response.

And Rock allowed the brief thought to cross her mind.

Maybe she hadn’t entirely missed out.

#rpdr fanfiction #rock m sakura #jaida essence hall #jan sport #widow von du #gigi goode #crystal methyd #nicky doll #jaida x jan #friendship fic #blue neighborhood series #cool #mac #s12 #tw marijuana

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joeybelle · 6 years

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Oh, how the tables have turned -- Part 3

Clyde Logan x Reader

Inspired by @clyde-prompts: “Some guys are rude and use ableist slurs against Clyde. The reader is with them, and although she feels bad about what’s happening, is too scared to say anything in front of her “friends”. She comes back to the bar a couple nights later to try and show him she’s not a bad person. They get to know each other and fall in love”. Doesn’t fully follow the prompt

Warnings: Language, first person POV, driving under the influence cause I assume everyone does it in that movie, IDK what I’m doing.

Rating: Mature

Setting: Pre-Heist

Tags: @lonelyravenclaw @kyloren-supreme-ben @onmyknees4steve @elsablackswift @helloimindelaware @mwcritics

A.N: I’ve decided to slice this fic into 3000-ish words parts for people to be able to scroll past it without much annoyance. Pert 3 ended up being much longer than expected, so i had to cut it into two parts somewhere in the middle. It’s not perfect, but you’ll be getting both parts today. When I finish editing. Might take a while. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the story. Feel free to drop me a line anytime or just message me if you wanna squee about Clyde Logan in general.

Rejection is always a tough pill to swallow. It wasn’t the first I’d gotten rejected and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but it still didn’t go down easily. I found myself moping at home the next few days, following what I’d gotten used to calling the ‘series of unfortunate events’ related to Clyde Logan. Not that I had that many alternatives anyway, being a friendless nobody in a small town, but this time it felt self-imposed.

In the meantime I cut the grass in my yard and discovered a few rose bushes that were beautiful, but mean to my hands, I watched how the living room ceiling started leaking one rainy afternoon, signalling a pretty serious hole in the roof, nearly broke my neck going into the basement because there was a missing step I hadn’t seen before; I opened the vodka bottle all by myself and realized that he had been right, drinking alone wasn’t fun at all, but I was doing it anyway to hide my shame; I ate ice cream and binged Netflix shows for the rest of the week.

But there’s a limit to how much time you can spend alone at home before starting to go insane. I reached mine the next weekend and for a moment I considered paying Mellie a visit, but then I remembered the whole Clyde ordeal and I decided against it. I was sure that he’d told her everything and I really didn’t feel like talking about it. It was bad enough that I was beating myself up over it, I didn’t need someone else to rub it in. So, since the Duck Tape was off-limits for obvious reasons, and I didn’t feel like exploring for another bar in the neighbourhood I was left with only one option: the country fair.

I used to really love country fairs and carnivals and all that when I was a teenager, but it was probably because I’d be with my friends and there would be booze and food and we’d just be stupid together. I wasn’t sure I’d find them as charming nowadays, but at least I’d be moping outside, in public, which was an improvement to being secluded in my own home, waiting for another rain to invade the living room through the ceiling. So I showered, dressed like a semi-decent swamp witch and went to the damn thing.

As expected, the country fair didn’t impress me at all but it was a way to kill a few hours while feeling like less of a hermit than usual. I ate something, tested some insanely sweet drinks, and stuffed my face with enough ice cream to endanger my health, so in the end I found myself sitting on a bench, dangerously close to a food coma, with nothing better to do than to watch the crowd. Other people seemed to have way more fun than me. There were couples holding hands, parents with their kids, teenagers in groups visiting attractions and Clyde Logan with a blonde kid attached to his arm. Wait, what?

I have to say, this was the last place I had expected to see Clyde Logan. In my head, country fairs didn’t really fit his style (because I had spoken to him twice and I knew all there was to know about the man, obviously), and I assumed he’d be too busy with the bar to come to one anyway. I remembered that it was pretty early and the bar probably wasn’t open yet, but his presence in my field of vision was still unexpected.

I sighed dramatically and leaned back, arms crossed over my chest. Speak about bad luck, I thought. I came here to avoid him and here he was, swinging a blonde kid on his very toned arm. Actually, I didn’t mind the view. He was distracted by the kid and far enough not to notice my staring, so I indulged in it for a moment. There’s no harm in looking, right? Especially when he was wearing a dark, short-sleeved shirt that seemed at least a size too small, the buttons threatening to give in anytime he flexed his muscles while lifting the little girl in the air. His niece? Maybe. She seemed vaguely familiar, so I assumed she had been part of the onslaught of school kids that were sent to visit the college I worked at. Or maybe she was his kid. I had no way of knowing for sure.

Whatever the case, he looked really good doing it. He was smiling for a change. An open and honest smile lit up his usually somber face, and I just couldn’t look away. I caught myself wishing he would smile at me like that, but then I realized that we were practically strangers and I hadn’t made the best impression the first time we met. And since he clearly rejected me, I had to get over this crush ASAP if I wanted to live peacefully in this town.

The little girl let go of his arm and ran back to a couple that, after a bit of squinting, I recognized to be Jimmy Logan and his sister Mellie. They both looked different—after all it had been more than a decade since I’d last seen them—but not so much that I didn’t recognize them. Jimmy lifted the girl in the air and kissed her, then put her down and looked straight at me with a shit eating grin on his face. The feeling was similar to being punched in the gut. I remembered that in another life I’d dreamed of Jimmy Logan looking at me with a smile, but right now the only thing I felt was panic, so I decided to get the hell out of there before Mellie noticed me and I’d have to be part of a very awkward conversation.

But luck definitely wasn’t on my side today, because the little girl started running towards me yelling ‘Miss’ at the top of her lungs. Oh, now I recognized her: she was the pageant girl. Really smart kid, very bubbly and friendly, talked my ear off during the college tour. Her favourite subject was, of course, pageants.

“Hi!” I said, when she stopped in front of me, grinning from ear to ear. “You must be… uhhh… uhhhh.” Crap. I had been calling her pageant girl in my head for so long that I’d forgotten her name.

“Sadie!” she helpfully reminded me.

“Sadie, right. How are you today?”

“Good. Daddy brought me to the fair to see the auctioneers. And later uncle Clyde will win me a unicorn.” I did my best not to steal a glance at Clyde at the mention of his name, not wanting to invite any more attention towards me. Hopefully I’d be able to get out of here before the adults ganged up on me.

“Awesome!” I said, panic clearly noticeable in my voice, because Jimmy Logan was rapidly approaching (despite his visible limp) with Mellie following closely. “It was nice seeing you today, Sadie, but I have to go now. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for your unicorn.”

“Aw, leaving already?” She looked genuinely sad and I felt bad for her, but I felt even worse for myself, so I had to go.

“Yeah, leaving already? Without even saying hello?” Jimmy caught up to us before I was able to disappear, so I put on my most believable fake smile and hoped for the best. “Come on, don’t be a stranger, Baby,” he said, pulling me into a hug.

“Well, I kinda thought I was,” I mumbled, but returned the hug. He seemed like a nice person, plus I’d held him on a pedestal for so many years that I could indulge in a hug.

“Daddy, why are you calling her baby?” Sadie aske, giggling.

“Cause that’s her nickname,” he said, ruffling her hair. He explained to her that I’d been called baby ever since I was little, but she had to be polite and call me by my real name. The kid giggled again and I mouthed ‘I hate it’ which made her laugh harder, before turning to face her dad once again.

“I am surprised you know that. I lived under the impression that you had no idea who I was,” I said, going to hug his sister. “Hi Mellie, long time no see.” In hindsight, I should have kept my mouth shut and pretended we were at least acquaintances. And although I knew it could be interpreted that way, I wasn’t bitter that he never acknowledged me in my teens—after all, it was just puppy love and it had been a decade since then—but I was curious what had prompted this sudden display of familiarity. If anything, I would have expected Mellie to come alone to say hi.

“Hiya, sweetheart. It’s good to have you back.” She warmly returned my hug.

“What do you mean I had no idea who you were? You’ve been coming to my games since you were twelve and cheered louder than the whole cheerleading squad.” That was true. “How could I not know my biggest fan?”

“So you what, ignored me on purpose?” I said, arching an eyebrow.

“Well, it’s not like I did it on purpose,” he said and laughed. His laugh was still the same as I remembered, loud and contagious. “But my brother here had the biggest crush on you and I just didn’t wanna make him more jealous.” Well, this was unexpected.

Clyde had conveniently stayed out of my line of sight, keeping his distance, but now I turned to look at him. Never in my life had I seen anyone blush so furiously in a matter of seconds, his whole face even his ears becoming a deep shade of red. He was glaring at Jimmy who seemed really unfazed by it.

“Is that so?” I pressed, feigning innocence, but deep inside me there was a little devil laughing maniacally. I mean, I was aware that it wasn’t very nice of me, but I was feeling a tiny bit of petty satisfaction knowing that I wasn’t the only one embarassed by the whole situation. Misery loves company.

“Yeah, he only ever came to my games to see you cheer,” Jimmy said, same shit eating grin plastered on his face, seeming completely oblivious to his brother’s discomfort.

I smiled back but wonder what Jimmy’s motive was. Talking to me out of the blue, after never acknowledging me before, snitching on his brother in a matter of seconds. I knew he was insanely loyal to his family, so why sell him now?

On the whole, the situation was beyond comical. Jimmy was grinning, Clyde seemed set on killing him with a glare, Sadie attached to his arm again asking ‘Is that true, uncle Clyde’ over and over again until he finally mumbled something that sounded like ‘It was a long time ago’. He looked at me like a deer (or a moose) caught in the headlights and I could feel my own cheeks burning. I was in hell.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?” I asked Mellie, who stood next to me, arms crossed and an amused smile playing on her face.

“‘Cause he’s a bit of a coward and you were infatuated with my other brother,” she kindly explained.

“Right.” Made sense. I still felt like something that I should have known about back then— who knows, I might have liked him back—or you know, forever hold your silence type of thing. But knowing this now explained a lot of things.

Now that the petty satisfaction that I had felt for embarrassing him had died down a little bit, I understood why Clyde rejected me and didn’t seem to react to my flirting. If someone I had been crushing on in my teens showed up on day, insulted me or trampled on my insecurities then tried flirting with me I would have been much less gracious in rejecting them than Clyde had been. Yes, it had been more than a decade since highschool, and I was pretty sure his crush on me was dead and buried (like the one I used to have on Jimmy), but it was something that could potentially still hurt after years. So once again I was flooded by guilt.

“Well, it was… uhh… fun meeting you guys, but I have to head back now,” I said, getting ready to bail. Enough embarrassment for a day. Served me right for wanting to get out of the safety of my home. Never again.

“Come on, we’ve just met and you wanna leave already?” Mellie said with a disappointed look on her face.

“It’s not that, I just have some things to do at home,” I tried excusing myself. “Give me your phone number and we can hang out another time,” I said fishing my phone out of my pocket.

“The things will still be there tomorrow, but you’re never getting back today,” Jimmy said with a wink.

“Wow, who knew my brother was a philosopher,” Mellie arched an eyebrow at him. I laughed.

“Please, Miss,” Sadie latched onto my hand, pulling me towards the booths. “Daddy said I’ll get to be your guide today, show you around the fair. Pleaaase.” How could you say no to a kid? Big-eyed, freckled, and more full of life than I’d ever been.

I looked over to Clyde who had returned to a somewhat normal shade, although there was still some pink tinting his cheeks. He still seemed highly uncomfortable about this whole thing, his whole body looking tense. I tried imagining what he felt: a week ago he was living a (supposedly) peaceful life and then Baby was back in town and he’d been insulted, hit on and then embarrassed by his brother in front of his family. If I’d been in his place, I would have faked my death and left the country by now.

“I don’t think I should…” I said, hoping that at least one of the siblings would take the hint and leave it be.

“Nonsense!” Jimmy proclaimed, patting me on the shoulder and nudging me towards Sadie. “Come stay with us a while and I promise you’ll have plenty of time to do whatever you were planning on doing.”

“Are you willing to help out?”

“If that’s what it takes…”

I snorted. “Half an hour then I’m gone,” I said, following them towards the booths. I send Clyde an apologetic look, hopefully he wouldn’t be bothered too much by my presence for the next half an hour. He seemed to have regained his composure and was following us closely.

Sadie was still holding my hand as we were mingling into the crowd of people staring at the attractions. She diligently explained to me what everything was, like it was my first time going to a country fair. It was entertaining to watch. She was a really cute kid and honestly, after so many days of self-imposed isolation, it was nice to interact with people in my free time.

“So, how’s it like being back in your hometown again?” Mellie asked, once Sadie ran over to her dad.

“Nice, peaceful.” Or that’s how it should have been, if I’d been a little smarter. “But it’s gonna take a bit of getting used to. It’s definitely keeping me busy. My roof just started leaking, something I never thought I’d have to experience, but hooray for adult life,” I laughed.

“Did you get it fixed?” she asked, a little concerned.

“No, not yet. Called a couple of contractors, but they didn’t have any opening this month.” I sighed. “I don’t have that many contacts in the area, but I’ll keep looking and hope there won’t be rain anytime soon.”

“That sucks,” she said and turned to her brother. “Hey Jimmy,” she yelled, “do you know anyone who can fix a roof?”

“What happened to it?”

“I don’t know,” I answered, truthfully. “It’s just raining into my living room.”

“I can come take a look when I’m free. If it’s not something big I can fix it for you.” He offered.

“Thanks, but…” Was I stupid enough to refuse? Yes.

“You don’t trust my skills?”

“Oh, I do, but I don’t want you to waste your free time fixing my leaky roof.” It wasn’t just that. I generally preferred to work with people I didn’t know, who were paid to do a job and with who I could argue at the end if the job wasn’t done properly. With friends and family, you just accept what you get, smile and then pay someone else to fix it later. Plus, if they refused payment, you’d have to find a way to make it up to them which meant more complications. And in this particular case I knew I shouldn’t be spending more time with Clyde or his family if I wanted my unrequited crush to die anytime soon. But how do I tell Jimmy that, when he seemed so eager to help?

“It’s no problem. I’ll take a look and if it’s something I can’t do, I’ll put you in touch with some people. When are you free?”

“Not sure, my schedule isn’t fully decided yet.”

“Then give me a call and we’ll see what works for the both of us. Clyde gimme your phone.” That earned him a frown from his brother.

“Why? What happened to your phone?” he said on what I guessed was a rather disapproving tone, but handed him the phone nonetheless.

“It’s broken.”

“He forgot to pay for it,” Sadie explained with a giggle.

“I didn’t forget, I’m not paying it in sign of protests to the shitty plan they forced down my throat,” he muttered. “Anyway, what’s your number?”

He punched in the number and gave me a call. I typed the name Clyde but then changed my mind and saved it as ‘Logan Bros’. Clyde never really wanted my number, so it was just a way for me to get in touch with Jimmy if I needed help. I decided to never call it unless the roof caught fire and I was trapped underneath.

The phone went back to Clyde and I saw him fiddle with it a bit, probably saving the number. I wondered what he saved me as. Probably used my real name, since I’d never heard him call me Baby. Although for some strange reason, I wouldn’t have minded even if he did. No matter how much I hated the nickname, I was sure I’d very much enjoy it if he moaned it in my ear as he pulled me closer to his chest and… stop. Restrain yourself, woman.

Sadie kept her promise and was a very good guide, which meant I was now very well acquainted with everything at the country fair. Jimmy had bought us corn dogs and cheesy fries and donuts and refused to let me pay for anything, so I retaliated by buying everyone snow cones and funnel cake. By the time we reached the shooting galleries, I was so full I was ready to burst.

As Sadie was searching the booths for the toy she wanted I bought a bottle of water, hoping to wash away the nausea caused by all that deep fried food I had shoved down my throat earlier. Seeing that Clyde had fallen behind and we could finally be alone for a bit, I decided to go and talk to him.

“Sorry for crashing your family outing,” I said, standing besides him as we both watched Sadie’s quest to find the best toy. “It wasn’t my intention.”

“It’s alright” he said, briefly glancing at me. “I have to apologize for how my brother acted today. I guess he’s just excited that you’re back in town. He doesn’t have that many friends.”

I had to admit that Jimmy Logan being lonely and not surrounded by hordes of friends was something that I would have never imagined. But I could see it now, after all we were both in the same position: two formerly popular kids that had fallen from grace and were now regular nobodies. Most friendships we made in our teens weren’t the kind that lasted a lifetime.

“I’m actually really enjoying this,” I said, trying to open the water bottle and failing. My hands were still very greasy from all that deep fried food. “But don’t tell anyone or I have a feeling I might get friend-dopted by your family and you’ll never get rid of me,” I said with a wink, to which he smiled. An actual smile. Directed at me.

“Lemme help you with that,” he said, noticing my pathetic attempt at opening the bottle. He held it under his left arm, effortlessly unscrewing the cap.

“I’m completely useless” I mumbled retrieving the bottle, and he chuckled.

In the meantime Sadie seemed to have found what she was looking for and dragged both Clyde and me towards one of the booths. She showed him what he wanted and after paying he was given a shabby airgun. I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone look at a rifle with more contempt in their eyes. I was certain he was used to a different type of guns, especially since he had been in the military.

“Piece of crap,” he mumbled, to no one in particular, disgust clear in his voice.

“Welcome to the glamorous world of carnivals, Mr. Logan,” I laughed.

He shot me a dirty look and aimed. He missed the first two targets, but got the other three. It was still quite impressive, I was sure the only thing I’d be able to hit with any rifle would be my foot, especially since everyone knows the games are rigged and the guns aim screwed on purpose. He paid for another round and I kept my fingers crossed. Sadie had climbed onto her father’s shoulders and was cheering from above.

This time he got the first target with very little effort. And the second one. And the third. By the fourth I was probably as excited as Sadie, although a little less vocal. The fifth target came down just as effortlessly as the others and both Sadie and I cheered loudly. The vendor faked excitement and handed him the toy, making a bit of a spectacle to attract other customers. ‘Look everybody, you can win even with one arm!’ he bragged, and I hated him already, but Clyde didn’t even seem to notice.

“Which one do you want?” he asked Mellie, after giving Sadie her toy.

“One of those,” she said, pointing to a bunch of little plushies that could be hanged on the rearview mirror.

“Alright,” he said, and paid for another round. This time, it seemed like he didn’t even have to aim. He just pointed the rifle and the targets went down one after another, to the vendor’s increased irritation and to my delight.

Clyde gave the toy to his sister who thanked him with a kiss on the cheek, then turned to me. “Which one do you want?”

“Me?” I said, taken by surprise. “You want to get me one too?”

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#clyde logan #clyde logan x reader #clyde logan x oc #logan lucky #clyde logan fanfictio

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biavenger · 6 years

Text

Regret;

Summary: “I regret those times when I've chosen the dark side. I've wasted enough time not being happy.” -Jessica Lange

A/N: I’m taking a break from my possible Girl Crush pt. 3 (let me know if you’re really interested!) and was feeling really inspired after seeing Thor: Ragnarok. Enjoy!

The awkward silence shrouding the kitchen table was palpable, making every bite of breakfast that much harder to swallow. Loki had just arrived, chained in actual shackles, for the Avengers to keep an eye on while Thor was off on “Asgardian business” (whatever that meant- none of them were quite sure). Steve had made a valiant attempt at sparking some lighthearted conversation, but it fell flat as nobody particularly felt much like talking.

Tony had buried his nose in a newspaper, focusing way too long on the comic section to actually be reading it. Loki was pushing his eggs around on his plate, not interested in the cuisine that Midgard had to offer. Bucky was clenching a spoon so hard in his hand that it was starting to warp, and Natasha was so uncomfortable that she went to start training an hour and a half earlier than she planned to. Steve was the only one who had eaten anything at all.

The only indication that anyone else in the tower was even awake were the pitter-patter of bare feet running through the hallway leading to the kitchen, and all four men sitting at the table were silently praying that another person would be joining to make things less...well, uncomfortable.

A bright smile lit up Y/N’s face as she dashed into the kitchen, a plate filled with the eggs and bacon that Steve had gotten up early to make for everyone. “Good morning, everyone,” she greeted as she slid into the open seat between Bucky and Steve.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Steve teased her through a mouth full of eggs, but luckily Y/N could understand him from experience, “Glad you could join us.”

“I’m glad I could join you; I hate sleeping through breakfast,” the girl laughed, noticing the new member of their breakfast club, “Who’s this?”

“Loki, God of Mischief and son of Odin ,” Loki introduced himself before anyone else could, causing Tony to roll his eyes behind his newspaper, “Pleasure to meet you. I would offer you my hand to shake, as is the Midgardian custom, but these village idiots don’t trust me to be unchained.”

Y/N seemed unfazed by any of the flowery titles Loki felt the need to include in his introduction, as well as his insult of her friends. Her grin seemed immovable as she replied with a simple, “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Why can’t you hit me harder,” Y/N complained as she adjusted the grips on her hands, “Nobody’s going to take it this easy on me during a real mission!”

Bucky rolled his eyes, making eye-contact with Steve to silently ask him for help. Steve, however, just put his hands up, refusing to take a side. “You know why, doll,” Bucky replied, giving the girl a minute to adjust her fighting stance before taking a swing at her.

Loki watched from a bench in the corner of the room, where he was very over-dramatically chained directly to a metal pillar. His jaw clenched as he watched Bucky put his hands on the girl, fixing the way she had positioned her arms in a way that would protect her body better.

“Jealous?” Natasha seemed to materialize from the wall next to Loki, also focused on the scene before them. Loki simply snorted in response, shaking his head at the ridiculousness of the accusation. “I don’t think the idea is as crazy as you make it seem,” she replied before walking over next to Steve to give him critiques for Y/N.

It had been several weeks since Loki’s arrival, and all the Avengers except for Y/N had insinuated that on some level, Loki must have been attracted to the woman. He couldn’t stand it.

Instead of appropriately directing his anger, he took it all out on Y/N. The girl seemed unfazed by his words and actions, though, and just continued smiling and doing her best to make him a comfortable guest in the tower.

“Can I get you anything? Water?” She had offered one day, peeking her head into the library where Loki was allowed one hour, unchained, to read books and relax- on the condition that he stayed in the room.

“You can leave me alone,” Loki sneered in response, not even looking up from what he was reading to regard her presence, “Have you ever considered that you are the most annoying being to walk the realms, and everyone would be better off if you shut your stupid Midgardian mouth?”

“Oh,” was all she said in response, blinking once before disappearing from the doorway, which was immediately refilled by Bucky and Natasha’s looming forms.

“I’m going to kill him,” Bucky started charging the god, until Natasha grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Let me talk to him,” she said, “But if that approach doesn’t work, I call dibs on ruining his stupid face.”

Y/N tried not to cry, ever. It didn’t solve any problems, only created a new one as it caused her head to ache for the rest of the night after. However, if she couldn’t stop herself from crying, she would stop others from being able to see it.

She was practically the emotional backbone of the tower. With all the trauma that the other Avengers had gone through (Tony with the nuke, Steve with being in the ice, Natasha and the Red Room, Bucky and Hydra....the list went on), she felt her problems were minuscule at best, stupid at worst, so she took on a lot of emotional labor for everyone else in the tower.

“Hello?” a voice accompanied a quick few raps at the door, and Y/N gave herself a final sniff before wiping the tears off her face, “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” Y/N hoped the stuffiness of her tone wouldn’t give away the fact that she had been crying, “Yeah, of course. Come on in.”

She stood and turned to see Loki in the doorway, unaccompanied by another Avenger, and also unchained. Instead of pressing the emergency alert button that Tony had insisted to install in every bedside table in the tower, she sat back on the bed, her back to him. “If you’re going to escape, you better do it fast,” she said, feeling the weight of the bed shift as he sat across from her.

“Please look at me,” his voice shook, causing Y/N to turn around and notice the pallor of his skin, which was alarming to her, “I didn’t mean it.”

“I can’t believe you.”

“My dear, I could have escaped any time these past few weeks if I had tried,” Loki said, reaching forward to capture her hand in both of his, “I stayed....for you. I just...said those things, because, well, I can’t understand how you can be so happy.”

“I’m not always happy, Loki, and I haven’t had a happy life,” she explained, ignoring the hurt expression on his face as she pulled her hand away from him, “I used to work for Hydra, you know. And they treated me like trash there, and I didn’t want to be there, but they had threatened me. Bucky and Nat got me out of there, with the help of the rest of the Avengers.” Her head hung as she told the story; even years after it happened, it still hurt for her to talk about. “I had to choose to be happy, Loki. Because I couldn’t afford to live with the alternative.”

A few tears managed to streak down her cheeks, causing Loki to reach out and brush them away with his thumb. Y/N flinched in response, before leaning into his hand.

Loki felt encouraged to pull her closer, cupping her neck in his hand as he pressed his lips to her forehead.

“I regret those times when I've chosen the dark side,” he muttered against her skin, “I've wasted enough time not being happy.”

#loki #loki x reader #loki imagine #thor imagine #loki imagines #avenger imagine #avenger imagines #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #imagine #imagines

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