#idk. it's in the past now. but i can't build new relationships. i'm trying and it's impossible
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Jungkook
𝓐𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓵 𝓦𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 | Intro
Jeon Jungkook truly fell for you- more than once.
Tags/Warnings: (fallen)Angel!Jungkook, Somewhat strangers to lovers, Fluff, Angst, some religious themes but only mentioned, clumsy romance, Flirting
Length: was supposed to be a oneshot, idk how long this is
Masterlist TBA.
There is no taglist for this fic.
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Your neighbor is a genuine angel. At least, you're convinced he is.
From what you know, he works as a gym instructor, but part-times at a local animal shelter where he helps with the heavy lifting and more physically demanding jobs. He's been in your town's local newspaper last week for building multiple new sheds there, so that the dogs have more opportunities to stay outside whenever they'd like while still being able to have shelter as well. He's helped you earlier this month to bring your groceries upstairs when the elevator was out of service, having found you struggling since you'd injured your leg.
He'd instantly helped you, offering to even go out and get you whatever you'd need during your time of recovery, and honestly, you wonder how that guy is still single.
You know he is, because your best friend, Jane, works at the shelter he helps out at. And according to her, he turns every woman (and even man) down whenever he's asked out. Apparently, he's not looking for anything at the moment.
What a bummer.
What's also odd about him, is his.. weird timing. He's always somewhere around whenever you're in trouble. From almost tripping on the stairs in the apartment building, to not properly looking both ways before crossing the road and almost getting run over- he's there to save you.
Ever since he moved here, about half a year ago, he's always been there last second to somehow pull your ass back from sure death or injury.
You're not sure what to think of it, currently playing with some puppies in the shelter while your friend cleans up the area they live in. "Maybe he's into you?" She wonders, putting the broom to the side. "I mean, could be."
"Wouldn't he have asked me out in that case?" You ask back, not convinced.
"Maybe he's shy?" She shrugs, sitting down with you now to occupy the playful young animals currently excitedly running around and occasionally nipping at your finger. "Just cause he's a looker doesn't mean he's also confident. He might be a softy." She tells you.
"He could be your early Christmas present you know?" She laughs, and you roll your eyes at that. "What? Looks like an angel to me!" She jokes, and you shake your head at that.
"The only angels I see are currently eating your jacket." You tease, making her quickly move to pull the zipper from one impish puppy who's trying to chew it up, successfully pushing the topic to the side for the moment.
You don't like talking about dating, and potential relationship, and all that stuff. You're awkward, meeting new people is awkward, and in the past, most of those connections frayed apart sooner or later either way.
So what's the point?
"Hey." Comes a voice you've come to know by now, from outside the gates and fences. "You ready to go?" He asks you, and you look at him, wide eyed and confused.
"Oh right, fuck!" Jane curses. "I can't drive you home today, so I asked Jungkook if he'd do it and he said sure!" She beams at you, while you glare with the most forceful gaze you can muster. "Don't look at me like that, see it as a chance!" She hisses, and you get up slowly to dust yourself off and grab your jacket from the top of the fence.
You're careful not to let any of the dogs out while leaving, before you wave at Jane who's giving you a cheesy thumbs up.
"I hope it's fine that I'm driving you." Jungkook offers kindly next to you.
"Ah, yeah, no issues." You brush it off. "Just.. weird."
"Weird?" He wonders, opening the main gate for you to step out before he closes it again, and leads you towards his car to open the passenger door for you. "I hope you know I'm not going to kidnap you." He jokes, and you playfully look at him with suspicion, before getting in and letting him close the door for you.
"I don't think you'd do that." You say, buckling your seatbelt while he smiles to himself as he starts the car. "It's just that.. it feels like you're always helping me, but I don't ever really get to know you past that." You shrug, as he maneuvers the car out of the parking lot to drive you both home.
"Would you like to get to know me past that?" He wonders, and again, you shrug.
Because you're not sure if you want that, considering that you don't even know if you want to only get to know him as a friend, or potentially more. Social interactions aren't what you're comfortable with, after pretty much isolating yourself with your job from home and disconnecting from past friends that turned out to be just interested in your monetary help- but nothing else.
And at some point, you just couldn't take the humiliation any longer.
"I don't know." You say because of that. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea." You admit.
"How so?" He asks, stopping at a red light to tap his fingers on the steering wheel to the soft beat of the car radio playing quietly in the background. "I'm not out for a one night stand or anything." He shrugs. "You're really pretty, and I think it's only fair to let you know that right from the start." he says.
"Why would that be something I need to know?" You wonder, and he smiles as he starts driving again as soon as the lights turn green.
"So that you know that I consider you attractive." He admits. "that I'm open to letting things become intimate, if we end up getting along well. And so that you know how to interpret my actions and words, you know?"
This is new.
You're not used to guys talking to you like this- usually, they're always incredibly cryptic, never open, never putting their cards on the table like Jungkook does right in this moment. And maybe that's what's so comforting to you right now.
Maybe that's what's making you trust him.
"Would you.." You begin, the familiar streets giving you the hint that you're close to home. "Do you.. I wanted to bake cookies today." You mumble out.
Jungkook chuckles, smiling. "That sounds cool." He comments, and you know exactly that he's teasing. "I actually know how to bake pretty decently too." He jokes, and you glare at him from the passenger side, as he parks the car in his designated spot. "What?" He looks at you, laughing.
"I take everything back, I don't like you." You cross your arms, and he grins-
Well aware that you're not being serious at all.
He's an angel after all. How could you not fall for him?
#bts imagine#bts fanfic#bts fic#jungkook imagine#jeon jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook imagine#bts smut#bts jungkook imagine#jungkook x reader#bts jungkook fanfic#jungkook smut#jeon jungkook fanfic#bts jungkook x reader#bts jungkook drabble
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First Lines :)
tagged by the wonderful @alllthequeenshorses who has been writing The Old Guard joe/nicky fics that deserve to be read!! go check them (and other good reads) out!
i, myself, have been sitting peaceably in the phandom quicksand. more specifically, the phandom quicksand that is crossed over with DC :)
~
As king, Danny is beholden to the emotions of his subjects, is able to feel them in the bottled swirl of an orb, the centerpiece to his icy crown.
i had the VIVID mental image of danny dragging a dead joker thru the streets of Gotham in a color blocking sort of thing? where it's a dark grey silhouette outline of danny and joker's body on a black street lined with towering white buildings- joker is trailing red and danny's looking back, eyes glowing green. a red sky and people observing on the streets. i might do this with colored paper? tmr actually since i've got the time
Approximately 54 minutes ago, Damian set off his panic button on his civilian identity.
i do not particularly like this line; i gotta go find batman's voice later, but i haven't found a way to continue Unknown Caller ID that i am happy with. please be patient with me, and if you have anything you think might happen/could see happening, i'm always up for a chat abt my fics! drop into my ask box! (anon is on too)
They’re in a transitional period now.
timeskip just slip me on, i'll be your blanket???? is that you??? guys idk if i'll finish it since it's mostly directionless rn, but istg in my heart of hearts it's not really finished and i'll never be free until i'm satisfied
Spencer stepped out of the elevator, sipping from his to-go coffee cup.
i found out about danny phantom x criminal minds, specifically the spencer reid is a gothamite trope, and I Need More. gotta do whatcha gotta do.
Today is the day.
from the Young Justice part of dc (screw it not being continuity, and also wally is dating dick wdym) crossed over with dp, of course, where danny joins the justice league as a consult/doomsday protocol, but he lives at the hall of justice and acts as a heimdall??? basically. the extended league is awkward around him bc he reminds them that they can't save everyone; inspo'd by a fic
Damian was gone.
not a cross over, it's just dc. is more of a character study on Alfred Pennyworth, maybe? but also i'm not really pulling from observing a ton of canon, it's more of my understanding and imagination on him and his relationships (and how his family's night activities affect him) [i love him and david mccallum is MY alfred]
~
aaand that's abt it, in terms of new things i've worked on in the past four weeks! imma try to tag some new folks (hello there!!), but no pressure, and anyone is welcome to post their first lines (tag me, i'd love to see them!)
@shire-bard @snakeinmeboots808 @lord-of-0blivion @crazycatgirl420 @astralalmighty @spacedace
💚.
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Do you have any fanfic recommendations? I'm fine with any. If you have sunflower fanfics recommend that will be awesome
I haven't read anything in a while because I'm in reading slump right now but I can still give some recommendations from the top of my head. I'll try to summarize the fanfic the best I can.
Btw spoilers for OMORI below
Swim Against The Tide by tsukithewolf: Post bad ending. Hero-centric. Main ship is HeroMari but there's background Photobomb and Suntan. Hero goes back in time and is trying his best to figure out the reason Sunny had a fight with Mari and trying to prevent the accident from occuring. While doing so, he decided to spend more time with his friends and understand them. This one is my favorite.
The Bridge by 00cat00: Sunny told everyone the truth and they all need time. But Sunny can't wait that long so he decided to jump from the hospital building. When he wakes up, he realized that he went back in time where Mari is still alive. One of my favorites too. This one got me really emotional especially at the end. Made me cry.
Endless Dreaming: It's in the middle of True Ending. Sunny was about to tell everyone the truth but he suddenly faints. Everytime he's about to tell the truth, he'll pass out. Omori and headspace isn't gone. Omori drags Sunny into headspace to hang out with him. Sorry Idk how to explain more, I don't really remember anything from this fic because it's been a while. But it's a really good read.
Yurushite by @/misty-wisp : Post true ending. But the gang didn't forgive Sunny and he moved away. Sunny started to sleepwalk and wake up in the middle of the night. Later on he found out that Omori is still here and the headspace is decaying. Sunny decided to investigate headspace. (Sorry if this isn't as accurate as possible I don't remember much >~<)
Dreamscape by @/omoriboii: I'll be honest with you here, I haven't read Dreamscape yet. Best I can summarize is this AU takes place in a virtual world in a game. It uses the beginning half of the canon leading up to the 'incident' then completely diverging from then on. (Sorry Omo I didn't do this recommendation justice😔)
Deep Sea Reprieve: Sunny found a baby mermaid. His name is Omori.
Magician in the mirror by @/aria0fgold : A short fic where little Sunny met a new friend who was in the mirror. He calls himself a magician and can grant his wish. Sweet friendship between the two.
Here are some sunflower fanfics I like:
They say, flowers are meant to be sunkissed by whitheredahlia: Basil-centric. Sunny moved away and lost contact with Basil. Four years had passed and Basil managed to recover from being abandoned yet again with the support system that is his childhood friends and years of therapy. Unfortunately for the flower boy, fate seemed to have other plans for him when he's met face to face with the person he's sharing his college dorm with. This is my all time favorite sunflower fanfic.
Bloom Later by witheredahlia: Sequel to 'they say, flowers are meant to be sunkissed'. Focus more about their relationship. From the description: 'Sure, maybe the boy he developed feelings for was also the same boy he committed a crime with, therefore trauma bonding them for life. But no one ever said every relationship starts out perfect, right?'
Flower Language by @/mirror-to-the-past: Basil centric. An AU where Basil never met the group and Mari is still alive. Basically an angsty delinquent Basil story where instead of cowering away when people picks on him, he fights back. Yes, he did meet the gang soon and developing bond with them. This is one of the earliest sunflower fic I found when I was new to OMORI.
Sunflower seeds in the rearview mirror: 'Sunny and Basil decide to go on a road trip before the Summer Everything Changed ends—too bad Sunny has no idea where they're going. The only thing he knows is he feels warm around Basil.' This one is from Sunny's perspective and he's an unreliable narrator. This fic is a fucking poetry, it made me cry. The emotional roller coaster it gave me. Also one of the earliest sunflower fic I found when I was new to OMORI.
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Hear me out- Agent 47 and Lucas both falling for the reader who’s a newer agent that’s working with them and Diana ( let’s just say Lucas doesn’t die )- maybe a small friendly rivalry😻
anyway idk just some headcanons or a small oneshot would be fine!! I shall give you creative freedom!! I’m sorry this is late hun feel free to take your time <334
Agent 47 x Myles x Lucas Grey a.k.a. THE BEST SHIP BC I LOVE MY FRIENDS [but second pov is used so can be read as genderfluid!y/n]
[I HAVE TO BE QUICK. LOVE YOU MYLES FIRST AND FOREMOST. SECONDLY HAPPY LATE BDAAAAYYYYY. 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 Okayokayhowabout I write hcs since I'm outta time? ALSO HOLY SHIT THE BEGINNING DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE LMAOLMAO-]
Also ngl lowkey forgor what Lucas looked like- 💀 BUT GYATT DAYUM ur taste in men is IMMACULATE- 🤩🤩🤩🤩
For Diana to even have CONSIDERED chosing you, you must've been the best of the best. Absolutely no stains on your record.
But knowing you my dear Myles, that isn't the case, occasional screw-ups here and there nothing too serious...
...I mean minus that incident where you nearly blew up an entire building and somehow managed to get kidnapped not once- but twice-.
Buutttt this isn't a realistic route. Instead, it's the route where you're hypothetically good at what you do. Taking people out.
Whether it be literally rizzing them up like the rizz god you are, or simply assassinating them. You're extremely good at what you do.
So let's say the mission required a group of people to easily blend in. Any less than 3 and the other partygoers would get suspicious. And suspicion draws in the suspect of the big bad:
Ash Croc. I mean it's understandable really with a name like "Ass-crack" it's no wonder the man turned to a life of crime, though you did briefly wonder- why didn't he just change it????
Moving on, he took up a new hobby. Which happened to be human experimentation. Every week or two Ash Croc would hire locals a hefty amount to befriend other locals of the area and then send them an invitation to his so-called "party".
Whether or not they accepted didn't change the outcome. They either came along willingly or with some light convincing.
For some reason this invitation always finds itself wormed in groups of friends no less than 3. Which is why you- Myles-, my dear friend, were chosen.
The mission is an overall success and you end up catching the eye of not one but two expert hitmen.
Moving on.
I like to imagine they have a sort of sibling rivalry like, "I spent more time with Myles today than you did." Or "I got Myles a better birthday gift than you." Stuff like that.
Smooching contests once you're together. Arguments on who is the better kisser and such.
Diana and you naturally make bets. It's very fun. Who confesses to you first? Lucas. Who has more relationship experience? Still Lucas. Now you owe a shit ton of money to the British handler.
Strike me down if I'm wrong but 47 and Lucas definitely play games to settle on who has you for the day ESPECIALLY if it's a special event like your birthday.
I have a feeling you would be the judge to prevent any cheating or foulplay on either hitmen's side. This doesn't stop them from trying to sneakily gain the upper hand however.
As for birthday gifts they definitely try to up one another with how expensive, good quality, and lavish they are. You mention one time that you like the color green?
Boom. full wardrobe of that.
They're like that one part of the fandom where if a character mentions something once they make it out to be like it's a staple part of their life the character can't live without.
After Lucas nearly fucking dies I feel like 47 would become subconsciously a bit more overprotective of his brother.
And Lucas?
He uses that fact to gain leverage at times, "It's half past noon It's my turn to spend time with Myles." "I could've died out in that forest and never seen any of you ever again." Hesitantly 47 backs off mentally reminding himself to insert himself into the situation more carefully next time.
Honestly I don't think that's what Lucas would say but hey, it's something along those lines, probably with more comedic effect too!
All and all very wholesome up until you accidentally get hurt on a mission and they force you to retire early.
HAPPY LATE BIRTH BEACHHHH-💞💞💞💞💞💞🕺💞💞💃
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No i didn't send a ask yet i was just checking to see if you got the ask since a previous ask i send to another blogger was never answered.
anyway, deep thought but if you think about it when people ship carmen and grey back at vile academy and during each one's brainwashing you're essentially shipping different characters making redcrackle have plenty of subcategories, what would be your ship name for each categorie( I can't be bothered to list how many there are i'm sorry).
also also, have you seen kitsukits redcrackle "arcade" amv and AuroralovesMCSM's "Carmen and grey being in love for 5 minutes and 30 seconds" complication video.
Oh ok!
I can see that lol.
I don't romantically ship them at the VILE academy stage [even if I do believe its an important dynamic to their overall relationship] because thats where its strictly platonic. But since I have been around around long enough that I know that people sometimes people use ship as just a relation"ship" marker [hi ouat I know you guys weren't actually shipping certain peeps lol. Like they had platonic ship names regularly and most people understood that :p] that part would probably be cracklesheep or graysheep because thats when carmen was just Black sheep and gray didn't have any attachment to his name graham but also wasn't hard line about being crackle yet.
Carmen looking at Graham looking at her romantically and going 👉👈maybe maybe? And allowing carmen to take the initiative in prioritizing her protective feelings over him?and lowkey allowing graham to again gain affection for her in an entirely different light...Hmmm
Svdjdkdokd i guess grahamcarmen or carmgray because she is still insisting on calling him gray and ascribing his new flirtation and doing good as like a mishmash
Gray pretending that she would have made the choice to be carmen while being on the island with that sinking feeling that no. carmen exists because she was chose to leave and connect with the outside world? And more than just acknowledging it wanting to protect it at the cost of what he valued most? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Cracklecarmen?
Tbh I've really grown attached to red crackle not just because its the first way to make it clear that i want these 2 to kiss because its the clear romantic shipname lol but also because its kinda what they choose to portray themselves as. Carmen using her red coat and name from the outfit she got off the island to signal the need to stop VILE to anyone who can find her and Crackle as a codename of the path that gray is choosing to follow even as he finds something good inside him trying to make it to the surface
and their relationship allowing them to clash but also want to look past that to the people who made these choices because they care about them.
And what makes it fun is that those subcategories include past subcategories, build on them, and change aspects of their relationship ever so slightly until we end up with something that is not at all how they started [gray in love with carmen and carmen with her deeper feelings of being forced to go without him as fully expressed as the finale allowed] . And when their memories are in place they acknowledge that. Its all rc to me...but I get it ! Exploring each category is VERRRRY different and I even sometimes tag them dark! Redcrackle for the dark red caper version of them instead of redcrackle because that is just ...different.
and my username lol is because I LOVE her nickname for him but always champion that entirely ignoring " graham " isnt....like they do need to adress that...somehow...not even to always go by his name because he's not anti-his nickname [and as you can see i think that carmen conflating his flirtations as something gray now can do 🥰 is hmmmmmmmmmm] but its still...~~~~~~idk. I am very appreciative that he does have a full name.
I have actually a playlist trying to save as many rc vids as I can find so yes! I have seen the arcade fanvid but like I might have just saved the other vid and watched the episodes again 😭
Edit: IALMOST FORGOT HIMALAYA AND TRAIN RC they can be cracklecarmen uwu
#red crackle thoughts#asks#im sorry for like not super creative shipnames i just actually am ok/like rc as the blanket
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I've hated the past year in so many ways but then talking to the same friends again I realize I have changed and am changing and maybe that's good
I have a higher tolerance for intense conflict at work
I am recently traumatized by a new life thing, but also have new emotional fortitude and certainty in myself after being gaslit and failed by the institutional justice mechanisms
I'm learning to navigate filing discrimination claims
I've gotten more resilient in the face of gossip and loneliness
I have less tolerance for people shaming things they don't understand even as a joke
I am better at moving on from people who don't want to see me for as I am or communicate effectively
I'm better at communicating in institutional language
I'm leaning more into nuance even with people I disagree with on moral grounds. While also still taking action.
I'm defining my values and life goals more clearly with a broader view of culture, surviving capitalism, and resisting complacency
I'm more comfortable with taking risks and facing fears for social things tho I'm still working on that
I am reflecting and healing and trying to repair relationships with family members who have done harm that some people would consider unforgivable, but I am building bridges. I am pushing them to grow and they are responding. They are growing too, into a parent I needed 20 years ago and never had. I cannot undo my childhood but they can change now. I am still healing and may not forgive. But at least that is not how they will be forever.
I am grieving the childhood I lost, and the break of trust in unconditional love that I lost. The destruction of the idea that parents are supposed to be safe.
I'm really sad about this but I feel like some people I don't want to be around because their tolerance or open mindedness is lower than I thought. I feel bad saying that because it feels pretentious.
I'm rethinking worldviews and values more in such a different way
I'm not articulating this very well.
It's not all good, overall my dating life is shit, I don't plan to stay where I currently live for much longer, it's for me. I have been profoundly lonely often or separated from community.
I love my home and sometimes I feel like I'm outgrowing parts of it and that makes me want to cry and have it fit like a snug mitten again
I'm not very stable financially or mentally RN cause of low income, stress, grad school, uncertain future plans, etc etc
Changing is sorrowful because I can't undo it. I can't change my perspective back. I can only live with it
In the next year, my whole life will be restructured and idk what it will be. I am choosing excitement over fear.
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this or that post
I wasn't tagged but @rownanisntwriting left their tag post open for anyone so I took it <3 you can find it here !!
historical or futuristic
I'm okay with research but I'm scared of estimating something from the past and some historian being like "actually you're wrong" so I would struggle (I already struggle when I write my victorian era fantasy settings {steampunk?} and have to think about things that I don't know about) -- futuristic kind of has that appeal of like we don't know what's going to happen in the future so I tend to write that more than historical.
opening or closing chapter
I LOVE WRITING OPENINGS I LOVE WRITING INTRIGUING OPENINGS -- to be honest I love writing intriguing closings to chapters as well, they both bring me joy but opening chapters bring me more joy. because i love writing a thought from one of the character's pov, and then switching to another character in the next chapter directly opposing that thought hahahaha it gives me so much joy and power and I love it so much~
light+fluffy or dark+gritty
Dark and gritty all the way, give me your angst, your monsters, your dark haired lover in the night. I wanna see pining, I wanna see two lovers on two sides of a war, I wanna see enemies fall in love with each other, I wanna see fights, I wanna see RAW. OPEN. WOUNDS.
animal companion or found family
I love animals and I'm not a huge fan of family (don't mind reading it, have a hard time writing it) so yeah. animal companion on this one. I actually love reading animal companions, especially when they can talk to the character, so yeah, would love to write that too.
horror or romance
Romance. All the way. I do love writing morbid things but honey I pretty much only read/write romance. I love building up the romantic tension, the relationship. I love reading it unfold before my eyes. ugh. romance. 💖
hard magic system or soft magic system
I like a magic system with clear rules on what you can and can't do, and I think that I like soft magic systems but I think I tend to write sort of.. hard-leaning magic systems since my brain wants to find a logical rule for everything. I don't like terrifyingly scientific magic systems that hurt my brain and take a long time to explain, but clear cut rules are nice (i honestly have no clue where the line is between a hard magic system and a soft magic system help)
standalone or series
I like both but to me the idea of writing a standalone is nice. A whole adventure, all the action, romance, and drama bundled up into one clean package. The plot would also be simpler/shorter too so... yeah idk it's just nice for me to think about I think I'd like to write one.
one project at a time or always juggling 2+
yeah uhhh i have a fanfiction, a main wip that I wanted to write but is now ultimately on the backburner due to me being too scared to try to outline it without figuring out the two magic systems which are a hell in themselves, and I might be dreaming up a new wip. so. yeah.
one award winner or one bestseller
Honestly I'd like an award winner but if bestseller gets me more acclaim and chances of my book being turned into a movie/show (which, make no mistake about it I will be watching their every move to ensure they do not butcher my masterpiece) then yeah I would take bestseller. Either is fine, though.
fantasy or sci-fi
yeah I don't hate sci-fi but I write and read fantasy WAY WAY WAY more. like almost only. fantasy. rarely do I read sci-fi nowadays, although it's not a hard thing for me to read/write. I just really like dark princes who rule over a magical kingdom, magical animals in a magical forest, etc. you get the point.
character description or setting description
I like both but I pay way more attention to character description than setting description. I'm sorry but flowery descriptions of characters get me so bad,, it might be because I'm an artist and I like making characters as pretty/quirky as possible so yeah. talk to me about how your ml has "silver blue eyes" or how your fl has "auburn hair."
first draft or final draft
I have not reached a final draft yet but I long for the day where I have and I look at all my work and think about all the work I've been doing over the past months (years??) and go "it's finally over." and then I have a whole manuscript that I can actually try to publish. like, getting to the "i'm ready to publish" stage is such a big goal for me.
love triangle in everything or no romantic arcs
yeah no. I'd rather have a series/book be entirely platonic than have a bunch of love triangles.
constant sandstorm or rainstorm
rainstorm!!!! i love the rain so much. ⛈️⛈️ I also love the ambience of thunder + flashing lighting
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@apexulansis sent:ㅤ👫
relationship headcanonsㅤㅤ✧ * º •ㅤㅤaccepting!!
ㅤalthough they initially only occasionally crashed for the odd night at talon's base after he shared its location with them, mostly using it to lay low or make use of the training room, byan slowly started showing up more often over time. as they started hanging around with more regularity, more of their belongings were brought and left behind — anything important to them was still kept on their person, but the things they would usually have to leave unattended in whatever abandoned building they were calling home at the time would progressively fill one of the bedrooms (and maybe a few of the surrounding rooms). at some point, they just started living there full time without ever announcing it to talon. they don't think he minds, or surely he'd have kicked them out by now, but there is an underlying and unaddressed fear that if they ask to call the base home, they'll be given a no in answer.
ㅤwhile they do have a tendency drag ardaka down to the training room to show him moves that they've finally perfected in search of approval (something they don't really realize they're doing it for), what byan doesn't draw any attention to is the amount of time and work they put in to getting those moves down. more diligent in learning and practicing the skills he teaches them than they ever were in school, they spend hours most if not every day in the training room. he's no doubt spotted them in there in the middle of the night on more than one occasion, practicing to blow off steam when they can't sleep.
ㅤbyan asks a lot of questions. they haven't always done it, it's a more recent occurrence as they've found themself more comfortable around ardaka and more willing to listen to and learn from him. most of the time, it's questions relevant to bounty hunting — about weapons, strategy and methods, specific combat moves, etc. — but they've started slipping in more that have to do with ardaka himself. it starts more with asking about past jobs and marks — his favourites, the quickest one, the hardest one — but have slowly begun including questions about where he's from, about some specific kariian traits, and about some of his life experiences. unlike with questions relevant to his work and teachings however, byan never presses for an answer on personal questions if he doesn't want to give one. nosy as they might be, they know what it's like to be needled about things you aren't comfortable discussing or having someone else know, and they don't want to be that guy who tries to force it out of you to satiate their own curiosity. any time he does provide an answer though, there are usually like five follow-up questions.
ㅤwithout recognizing it, byan does try to bond with talon. they often try to spend time with or around him outside of their lessons, most commonly using the excuse "idk i'm bored and half this base is so empty, where else am i supposed to go?" a lot of the time they'll simply sit around in the same room, messing around on their omni-tool while ardaka does his own thing, occasionally piping up with some inane or irrelevant comment or even come plodding over to share a particularly funny meme or video. there have been times where they've more actively tried to engage with him though, typically by trying to convince him to watch a movie with them or join them in trying out this new video game they stole.
#apexulansis#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ANSWERED: OOC.#tmw ur mentor kinda just slowly becomes ur dad#who u look up to and want to spend time with#oops how'd that happen
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This may be weird to ask but I have a new boyfriend who I really like, and he's way more experienced than me and has had a lot more partners and it's kind of intimidating idk. Do you have any tips on how to deal with this?
Hi hi hi. Yeah, I totally understand how you feel lol. I'm not letting this post be reblogged but hopefully it helps people out nonetheless.
First of all, if your boyfriend is making you feel bad or insecure about being less experienced than him or trying to make you jealous by bringing up other girls constantly, dump him ASAP, that's extremely shitty and you don't have to put up with that. But, if this is really about you and your feelings and he's genuinely a good guy, proceed down this answer accordingly.
I'm not a huge fan of casual sex, especially compared to my fellow college-educated 20-something coastal liberals who partied a nonzero amount in college, and I'm a very competitive person by nature. But, I'm not generally jealous about people I date having slept with a lot more people than me (and that's basically every guy I'd want to date at this age lol) because my first serious boyfriend was extremely promiscuous before he met me, and since we broke up and got back together a few times, he also slept with a lot of people in the interim that we weren't together, many of whom I had to interact with socially.
He never cheated on me, and he very intentionally didn't sleep with people I was friends with, but when we were discussing getting back together, I had to grapple with the fact that in the 4 months we were broken up, he slept with a few soccer teams worth of girls, many of whom I was socially acquainted with if not remotely close to, while I was completely celibate. Basically, if I wanted to get back together with him, I could either hold what he did when we weren't together against him and drive myself insane with resentment, or I could accept that we saw sex differently on principle. As someone that's otherwise pretty anti-rule, the converse of my perspective on sex being 100% valid is that other people's are as well, you know?
Basically, I got out of my head and tried to be logical about it. I rationalized that he'd never cheated on me or lied to me, and I trusted him when he told me that he wanted me without overthinking it, which was extremely difficult for me. I took him at his word that he saw sex as meaningful with me because he liked and cared about me and wasn't comparing me to the dozens of other girls. And, even though we eventually broke up, I don't regret it despite all the other issues our relationship had.
(This is also exactly why the people my second serious ex-boyfriend had slept with prior to me made me WAY more jealous because I knew he cared about them. He'd slept with even fewer people than I had when we got together, and ironically, he actually cheated on me while the first guy never did, isn't it funny how life works??)
So, the long-winded answer to this question is that you have to either accept his past for what it is, or you probably have to break up. If you are fundamentally not okay with the fact he's slept with a lot more people than you, which is valid if it's really how you feel, you really can't have a relationship with him. But, if you want to be together and like, build a life together etc. you have to genuinely be okay with it, even if you obviously don't have to be friends with his ex-partners etc. since I think that expectation is insane.
Does that all make sense? Ironically, that first ex-boyfriend and I are now good friends as of this year so I definitely texted him this response to see if it made sense and he said yes lol.
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TW⚠️ negative paranoid thoughts and stuff-
I'm looking for a place to share more of my complex thoughts, I like the format of Tumblr so I'm thinking about doing it here. My problem is that people might think I'm negative and avoid me- or think I'm annoying but I have no control over that. I just think it'd be fun- I've been writing a lot about how I feel lately too, but I can't share any of it- cus it's too personal.
A thought I had yesterday that I don't fully remember was "building a relationship on the guides of being helpful to someone [don't remember what] what happens once you're not helpful anymore? They'll just throw you away" as in- I'd feel they don't need me anymore if I can't be helpful- or funny- or interesting, or this or that.
A thought I had today was that I might have Avoidant personality disorder, but that was just a thought because for the past few days I've been trying to figure out what's going on in my head- i told a buddy of mine that I might have BPD, OCD, Autism, ADHD, PPD, dyslexia- but- I have no way to know.
I've also been thinking a lot about plutonic relationships with other people, not like- getting into one- just how to deal with one and parts of one- I'm not a very social person- I just got surprised when I called myself a person- but I am one. Anyway, I tend to warm up to people I'm close with but I get intimidated easily- a lot of people are like "why would people think I'm intimidating, lol?" But I just get anxious with new people- or people I don't know much about...
Wow this is a lot- let's move on to something else-
So- I er uh- actually
Another thought
I had
Was that people would think I'm a Parasocial
But based on the Definition- I'm not- but what if they all think I am? I mean I might be- I don't know. My brain worries a lot about how I come off to other people- that's not special or anything- everyone does that- it's embarrassment, it's shame, it's Anxiety.
I have some type of paranoia thing- I keep getting scared of things that aren't real- like- I'm good at visualizing things in detail- I'm not flexing I'm being serious- and my brain can see me- doing what I'm doing right now- and then it adds a horrible twist- and then I get scared.
I'm making brownies today- with chocolate and stuff in them- idk why I'm telling you any of this but
I don't now.
I'm gonna post this- hope people I like see it- get scared later and then delete it.
Oh wait-
Not paranoia
I forgot the word
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There was a recent poll going around about the last time you cried...
I really don't know. I know I need to. Stuff has been building up, but I'm... Idk I havent had the space to release it.
Between work and single-parenting, and a house that's always breaking in new and unexpected ways, and a body that is in a constant state of utter fatigue and barely suppressed pain...
I just have to keep myself together and function for one more day. And then one more day after that.
Feeling my feelings and dealing with the physical and emotional aftermath? I can't picture when I might have the time and space for it.
If I let myself fall apart, I honestly don't know if I would be able to put myself back together. And my kiddo depends on me for everything.
I have to be able to work and maintain the house and fix all the day to day issues as well as the random stuff that comes up unexpectedly.
If I'm even sick for a day or two, things start to pile up past the point that I can get it back under control.
I have to keep my physical pain under control as well. Crying is definitely a migraine trigger, so I very much try not to let myself go there if I don't have to.
I used to cry much easier, but working a job where people very much want to get under your skin and tear you down for their own satisfaction... Yeah, I had to learn to swallow it and save it for later.
I used to go cry in the breakroom or in my car on the way home. But working from home now, with my kiddo always present doesn't permit me that space anymore.
Years of living in a toxic relationship also forced me to bottle a lot of things. I couldn't show any weakness at home.
Before kiddo was old enough to understand, I would sometimes take kiddo and go for long drives and just let things out. Especially when my best friend passed away, and the atmosphere at home was hideous, and work was punishing... those car drives were life-saving.
But I don't have a car anymore, and kiddo is old enough to be really upset if I break down.
So I keep it together. And keep keeping it together.
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Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.
Grooming Can Look Like:
1. "Is that your real name? I don't really like to call people by their usernames."
Asking for personal information right away - It gives a false sense of intimacy and can be used later to threaten or blackmail.
2. "I see you like Band. My parents hate them. 😂 Do your parents know your music tastes?"
Segueing quickly into private life, sometimes asking invasive questions about home, friends, family, etc - It tells them whether or not a person is isolated, unhappy, self-destructive, unsupervised, etc. The more vulnerable a person is, the more successful grooming can be.
3. "I like your fan art. Do you do nsfw? Nothing crazy, just flirty..."
Bringing up sexuality or other adult subjects in a general way - It pushes the person's boundaries gently, getting them to talk about nsfw things in a way that feels nonthreatening.
4. "That post made a good point. I would never guess you're 14. You're really mature and well-spoken."
Describing the person as mature, smart, wise, resourceful, street-smart, etc - It's flattering, and it gives the illusion of equality and respect in their interactions.
5. "People hate what they don't understand. You're just so unique. I get it."
Reinforcing that the person is unique, misunderstood, above others, etc - It increases isolation and forms a sense of dependance on the groomer.
6. "Omg look at this guy's outfit! It's so hot! You know, you could totally rock something like this!"
Sexualizing the person in flattering ways - It feels like a compliment and edges farther past typical boundaries, normalizing more and more sexual interactions.
7. "That guy was out of line. 😤 I couldn't help it, I messaged him and told him if he doesn't leave you alone I'll doxx him. He won't be back. He knows I'll do it. Please don't be mad, I just hate when people mess with my friends... "
Defending the person, often inappropriately - It's a show of devotion to the person, a display of the potential for aggression that serves to nudge boundaries, and can be used to threaten or coerce later.
8. "I'm totally with you on Ship X. It's so bigoted to break up Ship Y like that. We ought to try to get those freaks banned."
Creating an other to unify against, often inappropriately - It creates a sense of intimacy and serves as a way to push boundaries by encouraging inappropriate behavior.
9. "Idk why you let her waste ur time. U don't need phoneys like that. You have me!!! 😂"
Discouraging competing relationships - It increases isolation, vulnerability and dependence.
10. "Listen, don't worry about your phone bill. I got it. Sent it thru your Kofi, plus a little extra. You deserve it."
Giving gifts, money, or paying bills - It creates a sense of intimacy, and possibly financial dependence. And it can be used as a source of guilt.
11. "Where are you??? Tell whoever you're with that I miss my bff!!!!!"
Checking in, keeping tabs, tracking or asking for updates - It diverts the person's attention onto the groomer, interrupts their social life to further isolate, and creates a pattern of guilt and responsibility for the groomer's feelings.
12. "I can't believe you'd abandon me like this. You know I have depression. Are you trying to make me suicidal? The least you could do is give me a couple weeks to find a new therapist. I'm gonna need one now."
Threatening to harm themselves, or implying that they might if contact ends - It plays on that sense of guilt and responsibility and can be used long after abuse has happened, to prevent disclosure.
Grooming doesn't happen by accident. By definition, it's deliberate. When someone begins grooming, they have already decided to abuse. From that point on, interaction has one goal. It creates a situation where the person being targeted has conflicting emotions about what's happening, no one they trust to give advice, and no way to break out without being the bad guy.
The setup - the grooming behaviors themselves - vary. One abuser might use many approaches, and might even change methods if a target isn't receptive. I think we can all agree that guilt-tripping and displays of aggression aren't healthy under any circumstances, but many common behaviors are things that can happen outside of grooming, in other contexts, and be ok. (An old friend might give generous gifts purely out of friendship, but someone who's practically a stranger, giving generous gifts, acting like an old friend, is potentially predatory.) That's why it can be so hard to see. We can't simply ban their tools or latch onto keywords. There are no elements that are always present. There's no set pattern. There are few flags that are always red. It's not that simple.
The only reliable and realistic way to keep vulnerable ppl safe is to teach them to recognize potential grooming by looking at the entirety of the situation, to trust their feelings, and to speak up.
#im js#grooming mention#how to fix the worlds problems with a tumblr post#i cannot understand grooming survivors calling for bans and crackdowns#when it so obviously does not matter what is available to a groomer - they arent gonna just shrug and pack up and go home#theyre gonna switch tactics and then were back where we are now#except with a false sense of security#thats very very bad#without even touching on how unrealistic and oppressive it is to ban pretty much anything thats used in grooming#ffs i could argue that the most impactful thing a groomer can give is attention/encouragement#now are we gonna ban that or are we gonna teach kids to recognize when its manipulative and not genuine#be real here
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ALL RIGHT BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT
Power of Three as a series is just. full of weaknesses, most of which come down to poor continuity and structure. I'm not gonna try and fix ALL of those, bc that'd be laborious as hell, but I will pick out things that I feel are the most egregious as case studies.
What Po3 does have, tho, is an absolutely shining strength in the concept of its three main characters. After twelve books of Blandly Heroic Protagonist Syndrome, Jayfeather is an absolute godsend. He's angry! He's rude! He's unhappy! He's not nice. I Love Him And He's My Son. Lionblaze has his invincible pride (hah) and emergent bloodlust, and Hollyleaf has her moral absolutism and certainty. These are good starting points for characters. Sadly, the lack of continuity undermines what could have been three really good character arcs.
So! I present to you:
HOW TO MAKE "WARRIORS: THE POWER OF THREE" NOT COMPLETELY SUCK ACCORDING TO MY PERSONAL TASTE; A NON-EXHAUSTIVE, NON-CONSECUTIVE LIST BY ME
ONE
- Have there be a persistant, overarching series threat. Sol is a character with amazing villain potential who does literally nothing except hang around, and do exactly 2 Bad Things completely off-screen. This Is Not Good.
- Instead, have him be present from the second book onwards- initially introduced as a friendly but enigmatic outsider who is slowly revealed across the series to be a complete black hole of a personality, a social parasite quietly rearranging whatever community he's a part of to just-so-happen to benefit him as much as humanly possible. His "preach individualism not starclan" methods are not so much values as one strategy out of many. (to those who know me- yes i have a type. no i will not apologise.)
- Maybe his ultimate goal is to dissolve and centralise the clans or something so that he can live out his life as a political puppetmaster in all the cat-luxury he likes. idk it's hard to imagine overall stakes for this rewrite BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL DOESN'T HAVE ANY
TWO
- For gods sake you don't have a series based on the premise of "the main characters develop super powers" and then only have the second power confirmed by the end of the fourth book. I understand the first book mostly focusing on Jayfeather- his powers are obvious from the start, he's got the strongest personality of the three, he gets access to most of the prophecy plot stuff because of them. But you NEED to have the other two show an interest in something concrete happening to them beyond that, and you need to at least hint towards the other two having something unique to them even if nobody clocks it yet.
- Have Jayfeather tell his siblings about the prophecy by the end of book two at the latest. The amount of time he spends noodling around not sharing it with them is inexcusable. It's not that it's out of character for him to hang onto a secret for a bit, it's just that there's no point and it slows everything down. It would be equally in character for him to go to his siblings and be like "look, i'm SPECIAL. well you as well but ALSO ME". Boy starts off as desperate for recognition, what can I say
THREE
- Have Jayfeather discover that StarClan don't withhold signs or information on purpose for the sake of "building courage and faith" or whatever nonsense. Seeing and communicating the future is metaphysically very difficult, so interpreting signs and messages is a genuine skill, or even an art. The cats of StarClan, however, really are just ghosts, much more similar to living cats than the currently living believe. This is the impotus for Jayfeather's discarding of his reverence for StarClan, which remains consistent throughout the series.
- Have Hollyleaf and Jayfeather both still change their cat careers in the first book, but put place more attention on the fact that they basically switched jobs. Have a scene where they end up yelling at each other, because can't the other see how lucky they have it? The tension breaks when they realise they've both lost something important to them- Jayfeather his chance to prove he's as capable as a sighted cat, and Hollyleaf her path to helping her clan in the way she thinks is best. They commiserate together, and reluctantly promise to do the best they can with their lots, so they don't waste the path the other wishes they'd taken. This closeness is eroded over the series as they disagree more and more on the subject of StarClan and its role in their moral choices and obligations.
FOUR
- Speaking of Hollyleaf! I nearly threw my phone across the room when the first Omen of the Stars book claimed that Hollyleaf "worked so hard to discover her power to help her clan". Where, Ms Erins??? I would have LOVED to have seen that!! Hollyleaf expresses absolutely no concern over the details of what power she has/will develop, and only has a couple of scenes even touching on her ambitions to help her clan. She has some vague ideas about becoming leader and like one scene where she gets to do some leadery things, but that never gets followed up on. What does happen is that the whole "warrior code" thing becomes more and more a part of her personality (for no clear reason) until she snaps.
- Hollyleaf going off the deep end is something I wanted so badly to get into and be moved by, because I could see where it comes from! Her moral certainty is fascinating, especially since it's based in something as abstract as the warrior code- which, when you think about it, isn't really... anything. There's no concrete set of rules that make it up, no traditional wording or cat philosophers, not even any fables. It's a handful of agreed-upon, common sense rules- don't cross boundaries, don't take prey that isn't yours, respect your ancestors, and don't murder. That's it!
- So, combining the above points, I think Hollyleaf not being one of the Three should stay, but both the audience and the characters are given good reason to believe she is. By around the third volume, make it so that Hollyleaf has found that her power is to get cats to "Do The Right Thing"- i.e. what she wants them to do. She sneaks off often to see Sol, who teachs her how to use this power. Her siblings are concerned about this new power, having already gotten a glimpse at what Sol can do, but she's confident that she can only use this power for good. Volume-specific plot happens, Sol manipulates her into causing him to win, she is shocked and horrified, and vows to stick ridgedly to what she knows is right i.e. The Warrior Code
- However, the more fervently she tries to stick to this abstract idea, the less it gives her results, the more her power seems to be failing. Believing that StarClan is taking her power away from her, she becomes caught up in a faith-guilt spiral that puts her in the position to snap at the end of the series. By that point it's clear to her siblings that Hollyleaf has no power- she was just very, very good at persuading people to do what she wanted.
FIVE
- Lionblaze is a girl now because I Said So. This Cat Is Trans And There's Nothing You Can Do About It.
- Her relationship with Heathertail stays the same- childhood sweethearts who are torn apart as they begin to understand the nature of the societal divides that exist between them.
- This can be used to contextualise the whole "half clan/outsider blood" thing as a cultural contradiction. In reality, inter- and outer- clan relationships aren't at all rare. They can't be, otherwise the whole society would be inbred out of existence in like five generations. But if at least one society of humans can spend a good 200 years pretending Sex Is Bad And Sinful Actually then cats can have persistant cat-racism in the face of all logic. Heathertail clocks this contradiction, Lionblaze doesn't.
- Her relationship-to-power arc doesn't need changing all that much either, other than starting much sooner and being more consistent. At first, she's completely overjoyed by her power, since unlike her siblings, it lines up so well with her ambition- become the finest warrior any of the clans have to offer. As the berserker rage aspect becomes more prevelent, she becomes more and more disturbed by the fact that she isn't disturbed by what she can do, and that she doesn't want the escalation of her power to stop.
- Tigerstar still does his thing, but Brambleclaw knows about it. He recognises the signs from when his father used to visit him, and tries to train Lionblaze in his own way. She ends up caught between wanting to be a good warrior, and testing the limits of her power.
SIX
- Jayfeather can stay basically the same because he's my perfect little angy boy and nothing needs to change. His arcs can be strengthened by having a more robust relationship with Yellowfang where they try to out-bitch each other, and coming to terms with his internalised ablism. Maybe he has a chat with Mothwing about faith a couple of times. Him furiously lashing out at being offered help transitions into an acceptence and understanding of his abilities more naturally. He never stops being A Grumpy Old Man.
- All fucking past-lives unexplained time travel goes in the BIN. Doesn't fucking happen. You can have that lore dump sprinkled across the books, or come from going deep into the tunnels and having a surreal meeting. Make it properly eldritch-level scary, shake Jayfeather's confidence in the idea of them being just a bunch of ghosts.
SEVEN
- Have the way Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight present very clearly as parents to the Three be explicitly, textually unusual. One of the things I liked so much about the first series was an almost total lack of emphasis on who was mated with who, and who was related or not. It felt very real to how feral cat colonies form, where raising kittens is a communal job. This gets completely dropped the moment series 2 starts and now the cats have monogamy.
- This emphasis on the family unit and fostering close relationships between parents and kittens is deliberate on the part of both Leafpool and Squirrelflight. Their aim is to cover for Leafpool so she doesn't lose her role as medicine cat- something she already gave up Crowfeather for before she was pregnant.
- In that little bit of backstory, have a robust reason for both Leafpool and Squirrelflight to leave the camp while Leafpool is pregnant and giving birth, possibly one that ties into the present day story in some minor way. I don't know how, it would just make that element of the story a lot more ground than "we left, the kits were born, then we came back and everyone was cool with it"
- When it comes to the "I am Not your mother" reveal, Jayfeather and Lionblaze are confused and hurt that they were lied to, but come to the reasonable conclusion that well, since they were raised mostly by Squirrelflight, saw Leafpool often, and are loved by both, they don't hate her. Lionblaze has something of a crisis over being half-clan, possibly initiating an attempted reunion with Heathertail. Jayfeather is more concerned with how other cats will think it makes him lesser, something he's still sensitive too.
- Hollyleaf, meanwhile, completely fucking snaps at the way her mother Violated Part Of The Code. It's a completely irrational reaction, but expected because she's been growing more and more reliant on The Code for the whole series, and less and less stable in her attempts to aid her clan and train to be its new leader.
- Squirrelflight is the one to murder Ashfur. This is easy to work out while reading- she's literally the only one of the four with a motive who isn't a perspective character. The mystery is less around finding out who did it, and more about why she did it (it's very ambiguous as to whether it was an accident or not). The main tension comes from who finds out when.
- Lionblaze is shocked, awed by how far she'd go to protect the three of them, and reassures her she did the right thing (as a way to salve her own uncertainty over her own longing for violence). Jayfeather makes it all about himself because he's Jayfeather- upset that he didn't know immediately, instead of, you know, figuring it out in a few hours because he can basically read minds. They try their best to hide it from Hollyleaf, who is already rattling around the final volume as a full-on antagonist, but are unsuccessful. This almost costs them something incredibly important- possibly Squirrelflight's life.
EIGHT
- the whole plot with the Tribe Of Rushing Water is a MASSIVE can of worms that could be removed from the series without issue. As it is:
- Characterize the Tribe as uncertain of how to fight other cats, because yes, they haven't had to do this before. DON'T characterise them as pathetic, doing whatever their leader says without thinking, and with ancestors who have Given Up
- Have some of the Tribe be really good at the violence. Worryingly good. Have others be sickened by what they're being asked to do.
- Have some of the clan cats reflect on what they've done. Hollyleaf would be all for introducing this society to jesus The Code, but even she might be horrified at being thanked by a tribe cat who can't wait to get out there and win themselves glory, only to be killed a few hours later
- The Tribe begin a new tradition of marking the walls in the mud they use as camoflage in order to commemorate their battles, and memorialise the fallen. One of the characters reflects on the fact that in a generation or two, the Tribe will feel like it's always been this way. How many of their own traditions- those that feel almost like natural law- started out the same way?
- Have Sol as the leader of the invaders, or maybe having insinuated himself into the tribe as a "mediator" and doing his charismatic cult leader thing.
NINE
- Cinderheart isn't a reincarnation of Cinderpelt. She's just named after her bc Cinderpelt saved her mother from a badger. this is because I think the reincanation thing is stupid and I can't think of a way to make it good.
TEN
- No more using tails as hand gestures like covering people's mouths. Never. None of it. It's expunged from existence.
Disclaimer: I haven't read Omen of the Stars yet, so I can't account for anything that might happen in that series that's grounded in Po3. I'm like... two thirds of the way through the first volume. I'm Not Impressed.
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My take on a Genshin Impact Circus AU Part 4 with Noelle as a strongwoman and Amber as a death-defying archery stuntwoman. Their backstories are under the cut!
Noelle:
First off I have a very self-indulgent headcanon that she is ridiculously strong. Like. Can benchpress people. Canonverse or AU.
She used to help out around the circus and she was kind of indifferent to the fact that she was likely going to be a maid. It's a respectable profession. And helping out at her childhood friends' (Kaeya and Diluc) manor as she'd been born into doing seemed like a good job.
How she got into the circus life requires a bit of backstory. Back when they were kids, Kaeya, Diluc, and Noelle would mess around (as kids do) and have little challenges for themselves. Who can run the fastest, who can do the best cartwheel, who can jump the highest, and the like.
Noelle got a little hesitant as she got into her early teens bc she was always told to be ladylike, so she spent one or two of their hangout sessions watching Kaeya and Diluc and talking. One day, however, Kaeya and Diluc are being Teenage Boys and lifting heavy things trying to outlift each other. Noelle has lifted furniture when cleaning up after these two so she figures this one unladylike thing would be okay.
She comes up behind them and just. Picks them both up. On top of the things they were lifting already. Kaeya and Diluc have to take a second and just look at her like "yeah no you are never sitting out of our competitions again"
And so they try other things like cartwheels and tests of courage like who can climb the highest on a tree and things are back to normal.
Skip forward a few years and Crepus dies. There's a huge mystery around it that not even his son's attendants are privy to. The only thing people know is that the sons have been sent away to boarding school. The whole manor is abandoned, all the workers fired.
Noelle for the next few years spends her time working at laundromats, and other odd jobs, but eventually she runs out of luck and suddenly there's too many people and not enough opportunities.
One of her friends from one of her old jobs invites her to go out and see this new circus that happens to be in town. She goes because why not. And wouldn't you know it one of the acts is her childhood friends doing these death-defying stunts that hit her with a wave of nostalgia bc their entire act consists of essentially the song "anything you can do" but with more and more dangerous stunts.
Noelle of course has to say hi, so they catch up and Noelle's lack of work comes up and would you look at that Aether and Lumine happen to have an opening for a maid.
So Noelle settles in, continuing to lift heavy shit to clean under it (Bennett swears up and down he saw her lift a fridge once but he might've been sleep-deprived). She also got into helping Chongyun with the techy stuff so sometimes she'll be at tech rehearsals moving things around and one time a rope holding up a person breaks near Noelle and she. catches it.
Now, one night. One of the acts drops out at the last moment bc injury or last-minute commitment or the like. And it leaves a gap in the show. Everyone else is busy. And panicking bc the circus is still relatively new and they really need to build their rep rn.
They start wondering what kind of last-minute acts they can put together like "what about the gymnasts??" "They all have group routines" "do they have old routines??" "Not polished enough for what we need" and someone somewhere pipes up "man I wish we had a strongman or something" and Diluc and Kaeya immediately whip their heads around to look at each other for like half a second before Kaeya bolts. He finds Noelle doing her usual rounds she's been doing for like a month now and Bennett was right, she is currently under a mini-fridge that she is lifting over her head whilst leaning it against a wall.
Kaeya takes Noelle by the shoulders and just zooms her over to where the commotion is happening and pitches the idea to Aether and Lumine. They're hesitant as hECK bc this is a huge risk they're taking since Noelle isn't even a performer but Diluc pitches that they could literally just scatter really heavy items and have Noelle clean under them and as long as she looks at the audience every once in a while it can be played off as a bit.
Noelle with qUITE the stammer says that she'll try her best but at this time is in need of a moment. She has never performed before. Kaeya and Diluc have to go perform so they leave her with a shoulder squeeze and a thumbs up.
She gets on-stage. She flinches under the lights for a second. She takes a deep breath and focuses on the first thing before her with her best "oh heavens, it's filthy in here", and she gets through the entire act by doing that for every object. So the audience is seeing this seemingly petite young girl lift the equivalent of a hecking car in order to clean under it.
Needless to say, there's roaring applause the second Noelle leaves (which she hears from far away because holy shit I just cleaned for people and they liked it)
This was a bit of a one-time thing and she goes back to her regular maid duties until the circus gets a new strongman by the name "Zhongli".
His style is more about lifting exTREMELY LARGE ROCKS, and breaking them in half whilst giving a history/geology lesson on them.
He quietly observes the maid who he hears fantastical stories of That One Time She Charmed An Audience By Cleaning. He was bewildered at first but saw the merit of it while watching her clean. He immediately decides that this girl has sO MUCH. POTENTIAL that is being wasted by having her work as a maid. He has nothing against maids or their profession, but he invites her to train with him.
Noelle gets hELLA stronger and they come to a conclusion. Noelle performs part-time and is a maid part-time. She doesn't have a particular performance style. She'll sometimes play catch with Zhongli and his big rocks, other times she'll be in the background of performers like Amber in the art lifting some hEAVY SHIT.
She gets along with Chongyun super well bc Chongyun has to make less trips to move his equipment since he's worked with her. She's a blessing for when they have to pack up and move.
Amber:
Amber's story is a little more straightforward. She started out engaged to a suitor. Amber was the kid in kindergarten who was learning about dragons and "idk what everyone else was doing". She's known what she wants for a long time, and what she wants at the moment, is not a relationship.
Throughout her childhood she was a very lonely child. Her family exposed her to lots of academic or ladylike things (do not ask me when this au is set, it's the 1800s and the 1990s at the same time or a suspendes steampunk time) to get her away from the thing she liked most: archery. She'd been exposed to it as a kid and latched on.
This drove a bunch of suitors away, so her family got more desperate and exposed her to more classes and activities to get her away from it. She went "that's easy, I'll just practice at night"
So she does that. She practices at night and underperforms in the coming weeks. It is during this time that her parents (high class ppl) find her a man to marry for some business deal idk.
The man's nice enough. It's just obvious he can only take Amber in small doses, and Amber takes full advantage of this to practice and stay in shape.
How Amber gets into the circus life was essentially running away. She bonds with Eula over this.
So because of all the attempts to make her fit into the ideal lady description, her rebellious streak said "yeah we're going to go as far away from that as possible" and she goes "I'm going to run away with the circus" bc that's what the books she's read say is the most rebellious thing you can do.
She finds THE FIRST circus she sees and begs to be let in. This is the shadiest most sketchy place but Amber sees it as the key to her freedom. She signs a contract.
They treat her like the US treats their students. She barely gets time to practice for performances and she's mostly doing dirty work. When they ask her what she can do she's like "I'm really good at archery" and they go "cool, you're going to be doing that while everything is on fire now. Can you do a handstand"
Essentially they push her and push her and push her to do more and more hazardous things she has to pick up on under the threat of being kicked to the curb.
After a while of this Amber is extremely burned out (pun intended) and as she's packing up after one of her shows, covered in burns but proud bc she hit all her targets without killing anyone, she's approached by a blond foreigner.
Tbh for all she's read, Amber really doesn't consider leaving and this time she can't run away since she's now bound by a contract (not Zhongli's btw in case anyone was wondering).
This foreigner tells her that there's so many ways to improve her situation and that he runs a circus looking for members.
Amber refuses since she's not getting tangled up in another legal mess, but she takes his advice on how to take care of her burns, and improve safety while she's performing.
Skip a few months. She hears word of this mysterious new circus around. Her encounter with who she'll later know as Aether stuck with her, and so she goes. To see whether she could really shoot her arrows without being burned alive.
After a show one night, she tries to get past security and fails repeatedly. She turns to leave and wouldn't you know it there's Aether. And Lumine. Waiting for her once she turns the corner. Amber's biggest concern is her existing contract and when Aether and Lumine say they have a nICE lawyer, Amber sees her next step to freedom.
Aether and Lumine essentially gain custody of Amber (but like for adults) and Amber is. Shocked. She's walked through her new contract of employment clearly and essentially treated like a human being.
And now that she knows things and has more freedom (though still under the watchful eyes of Aether and Lumine to see how she does) her creativity and competitive streak flourish. She decides she actually doesn't hate fire, she just doesn't like when she doesn't know when or where it's coming. And she makes fast friends with the gymnasts, so she ends up incorporating that into her routines. Now she uses her canon goggles to protect her from the burning eyes of prolonged smoke exposure when she uses fire.
When she meets a little pyromanic girl named Klee, she's thrilled that someone this chaotic and sure of herself exists.
#genshin impact#genshin#genshin impact noelle#genshin impact amber#genshin amber#genshin noelle#genshin impact circus au#genshin circus au#circus au#genshin impact fan art#genshin impact fanart#genshin fanart#genshin fan art#genshin noelle fanart#genshin amber fanart#genshin impact headcanons#genshin amber headcanons#genshin noelle headcanons#my art
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hey, no offence, you kind of seem like the "don't ask me for advice I myself don't even know what I'm doing" kind of person, but I thought I'd try nontheless: How do you interact so well with your readers? Because whenever I make some kind of note at the beginning of my chapters, or some kind of announcement, my mind just blanks and I can't get more than a few sentences out.
bloody hell i bricked it when i read ‘no offence’ i was like this is it this is my first hate comment isn’t it omg but alas i just am a slow reader and you’re asking a question. as right as you are that i am very much the ‘don't ask me for advice I myself don't even know what I'm doing’ kind of person, i still love it when you guys ask me things and will always try my best to answer, so please don’t hold back on that account. it’s less that i dont want you guys to ask me things and more that i dont want you thinking my advice is actually Professional or Valid in any sense past my own opinion.
i’m so flattered that you like the relationship i have with my readers as it’s one thing i’m really proud of myself for. i don’t really have the kind of personality that allows me to create strict reader-author boundaries and i always knew i wanted to be less of a Suave Distant Author and more of a Omg Lets All Scream About This Story That We Love Together Author, so idk i guess from the beginning i’ve just always gone into this chatting to you guys as equals and not like i’m someone high and mighty, if that makes sense?
A big part of it is just that i don’t have much of a filter. i didn’t really understand the purpose of author’s notes at first so i just used them to chat about literally anything that was on my mind, and now i’ve got a stupid reputation for having ‘funny’ author’s notes because of this when really i just didn’t get the memo about them and now it’s too late to turn back. when i say lack of filter, i mean look at how i even started answering this ask. i literally just type any thought i have. i dont really care if it’s interesting/relevant/funny etc, i just have to say it because i am a ✨mouthy cow ✨. and a lot of readers picked up on that and said it made me seem like an actual person?? and they were less threatened by me???
but having said that, a ridiculous amount of my mutuals have come clean and said that when we first started interacting, they were really intimidated, and that’s something i’ve had to work on to show people i’m actually Just An Idiot And Am More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Me.
So yeah, to summarise, it’s a constant thing that needs building on as there are always gonna be new people, but i just think it’s best not to try and put yourself on a pedestal. humanise yourself, chat about nonsensical things. at the end of the day it’s your fic and no one can tell you to shut up, so just go feral <3 xx
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HELLO YES IS ONE OF(?) THE FELLOW TRANSMASC BEEDUO ENJOYERS, RESPONDING AFTER A MULTIDAY DELAY.
CANT BELIVE THAT HANDHOLDING SHIT.
As someone else who has (on a certain level) like, made that connection, of someone I can be very affectionate with, but am still in the gender closet with for various reasons. I can absolutely understand your impulse and the preassure... a lot of my hesitation is based around a fear of going against some kind of perceived "ground work" in that relationship. And then I get frustrated because in this relationship and others i just would not have to think so much about this and how I present myself if I had just been born a cisguy. I am also just yearning for bro friendships where I'm just perceived as a dude from the get-go, even if I end up acting ""feminin"" or some shit.
But when I think about all the relationships I've had, I wouldn't want to have "skipped over" any of them, even if I wasn't, or didn't start by presenting my truly authentic self. I can't bring myself to regret or fully resent any of those connections, even if in my heart I can't always regard them as 100% "valid" or "genuine" in the context of how I know I was/am perceived and how I present. I dunno, I hope that makes sense, and helps in some way... I guess what im trying to say is, even if I have wishes and yearnings of how things could be different, I still am happy to have had the relationships I've had.... and I know ill just keep meeting new folks and either things will work out or they wont, and that'll be ultimatly for the best...
But hughu its also kinda silly when I think about it, that some internet dudes make me confront and think about all this shit. But it also does make sense too.
I don't know its very hard to explain, feel free to just ignore all this.
yes!!!! i TOTALLY understand this!
it's really frustrating because i would love to seek out other communities and environments that may lead into relationships similar to that of like??? SAME AFFECTION????? but im afraid to put myself out ANYWHERE new because i don't want to be perceived as like... woman-lite or anything. i don't want anyone to have to rethink how they perceive me i just wanted to present in the way that i feel.
similarly to what you said, i don't want to build something on "ground-work" i know i'll have to break down and like. make the REAL ground work pretty much?
and yeah! same! i get frustrated as well because it would just be much easier to deal w/ if i was just. cis. but i don't dwell on that too much, luckily
however i still run into the same issue:
(more long winded venty shit below, ur invited to me being extremely vulnerable on the internet have fun)
how can i deal with this and make this easier for myself? is it... achievable even? like! yeah! how can i simply start new relationships with this... pre-established certainty of "that is a Boy! a BONAFIDE boy!" like... not even cis but just.
i struggle with the idea that most people who aren't trans will like... not... TRULY respect my identity? like behind closed doors. which is something i know a lot of trans people struggle with and honestly that is... our own issue in regards to trust. if no one throws and red flags that they don't actually respect your identity, then you really just have to trust that they do.
it's just... honestly putting conditions on like. your trust i guess. PERSONALLY. like im putting conditions on myself such as: if i present masculine then people will respect my identity and assimilate to how i identify, even if i don't present that yet.
which... usually isn't the case? people may take longer to assimilate but if someone is going to respect you, you can usually tell. or i feel like i can.
however. i guess. i want to shortcut the assimilation? but it's unfair to me to just put myself on hold until i don't need to ask people to like. REALLY understand liek HEY. THAT PITCHY MOTHERFUCKER IS A DUDE. because it's hard. and i, in my tiny pea brain, feel like a shortcut would just already be presenting male boy man MASCULINE. however, like i said, it's unfair for me to put that on myself bc that's a LONG time to wait!! that's coming out, getting a new wardrobe, and ALSO getting HRT!! that doesn't just happen in one day.
i explained to some friends that like. sometimes i wish i could just present a certain way and then no one could really ever know me intimately.
and it's definitely not that im... ASHAMED of being trans!! it's very nice and cool! however i feel sad that like... we're still adjusting as a society in terms of like... gender i guess? like... i do not want to be seen as woman-lite by anyone. in any degree. and sometimes you need a deeper understanding of gender to get past like... the weird like. ok he's... he's boy but like kinda not boy??
IT'S JUST. MMM. BEING PERCEIVED AND NOT INTERPRETTED CORRECTLY IS VERY TERRIFYING AND I HATE IT AND UR RIGHT BEING CIS WOULD BE EASIER, I DON'T NECESSARILY WANT TO BE CIS, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO EMULATE CISNESS WHILST REMAINING QUEER WHICH I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S POSSIBLE.
however same!!! the relationships i have now i love and i care very deeply about and i feel that like... even though they've known me before i was like "ok masc and he/they" and shit like that, i do feel like they understand like
*points* boy!!
however when it comes to strangers it's so... scary. and like IDK. ITS SO FUNNY BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS BEFORE. AND IT'S WHY I WANT TO LIKE? EXPLORE THE COMMUNITY FOR OLDER TRANS PEOPLE. LIKE HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS???? how can you just BE OKAY when like... introducing yourself to strangers.
how can you just let... strangers in?
which is also *THROWS THINGS* THE WORST PART!!! I WANT TO BE A CONTENT CREATOR BUT I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!!!! I WANT MY VIEWERS TO GO BOY BOY BUT THEY WONT BECAUSE I HAVE NO FORM OF PRESENTATION BESIDE A PERSONA AND A VOICE AND MY VOICE IS PITCHY!!! ITS SO HIGH AND PITCHY!!!
and it's frustrating!! because i don't want an audience who doesn't like understand BOY!!! NOT WOMAN-LITE!!!!!!! NOT WOMAN GOING THRU PHASE!!!!!
BOYYYYY!!!!!
TLDR;
being trans is hard and i just don't want to be seen as woman-lite. i want to bee seen as like cis boy but trans. like i think i'd take more kindly to someone being like "omg i didn't even know you were trans!" to like someone infantilizing me and calling me a sweet little boy bean. and thats a lot easier between close friends! even though they have heard my voice and they've listened to me talk about being trans! they understand. and strangers?? have the potential to not. like they might? but what if they dont... and that's. Scary.
#asks#anon#prince is a fahjay#actually anon this has been a therapy session in and of its own and it's helped a lot! my therapist was like#THIS IS MULTILAYERED#THIS IS GONNA NEED MULTIPLE SESSIONS#and i was like ahhh shit ur right#but this actually helped me compose my thoughts! :]#trans achilleans getting sent into queer crises by bee duo squad#new long ass tag
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