#idk if i can get it here now and i don't need to budget myself like that anymore but like. man. that shit hit Different | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

littlelillycatsworld · 3 months

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weight loss breakdown (for once not a mental one impressive ik)

as promised heres my weight loss breakdown. I have awful brain fog words aren't working properly (using any and all brain power on English rn) and it's a bit all over the place please be patient with me I have most definitely forgotten some stuff I'll update when I remember

this is not healthy this is what works for me I know the limits of my body you are your own person please look after yourself and don't compare yourself to me. I'm a professional ballerina and ex-taekwondow artist

please be polite don't leave unsolicited advice if I need or want it I'll ask and right now I DONT.

I'm not suggesting that anyone should attempt to fallow this since this is actually insane

DRINKS

I drink lemon honey water or tea for breakfast most days depending on how much calorie dread I have (does that make sense?)

I will only allow myself to drink water, tea or diet coke/zero or ultra monster throughout the day

MEALS

OMAD when possible budget is 900 I rarely ever make it close to my budget

I'll only intentionally eat dinner unless forced otherwise. I must burn off whatever I can from dinner since I don't have classes that late

some days it's completely unavoidable and I have to eat snacks due to outside pressure like friends and family or my manager (he's apparently hell bent on keeping my ass alive)

binges happen we (I) acknowledge them we (me) move

if I feel faint when In class nothing matters I WILL eat I cannot run the risk of hurting myself or my dance partner when it's him who will be the one who makes sure i dont hit the ground

META DAYS

meta days are important please take them!

I must allow myself 2 grace days a week and I try to be gentle with myself. (essentially I'm gentle parenting myself on these days)

I try not to fall into my normal over the top exercise routine since I still haven't figured out how to make these days my bitch

my cal budget is normally around 1400 for these days

EXERCISE

I must do 10k steps at least (normally much closer to 25k)

I start every day off with a mile run sometimes 2 (depending on how much I want to not exist and weather conditions)

i go to the gym at my dorm when weather conditions are bad or it's to cold for me I run on the treadmill it's not as mentally stimulating as outside but I don't like the rain ice or wind too much

i can be expected to be dancing for 8-9hrs on my longest day so for the most part I don't need to worry too much about forcing myself to burn calories but it gives me peace of mind I burn an estimated 4500cal these days (impossible to know for sure since 2 teachers don't allow activity trackers)

around 3000 on my normal days but again 2 teachers are a pain In my ass

I play just dance religiously at this point it takes me 2hrs to burn 500 I do this after dinner or twice a day on the weekends where possible.

I still practice taekwondo and go to a studio to do classes once a week but it's not as extreme as it used to be (no longer training 6 days a week and doing competitions)

WEIGHING

I weigh myself most days

I don't weigh myself during my meta days I don't need the added mental stress

I get weighed by my school once a week but only update my profile if there is a big difference either up or down (accountability and all that)

FASTS

I normally do 24hr since omad

I don't count my medication, gum, diet coke/zero tea or lemon honey water as breaking my fast. if this keeps me mentally stable then idk it doesn't count (politely eat a brick if you try to tell me otherwise)

I always try to get at least one longer fast a week normally after dinner on wednesday to Friday dinner sometimes I can make it to Saturday dinner it just depends on who's around to make me eat

if your wondering how I've survived this far all I can say is I'm a spiteful little bitch who's going to prove a whole list of people wrong

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xoxoemynn · 5 months

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Hi friend! I appreciate your fighting spirit and hope for S3. As much as I'd like for it to be renewed, I think it deserves more than max would give. I'd prefer someone else to pick it up who would give them their 10 episodes and the amount of time they need.

Would it be more beneficial to campaign at potential buyers for a rescue rather than pleading with someone who's already made their decision? I feel like the BBC at least already had enough interest that they brought the broadcasting rights, and they have no problem with short running (3-5 season), 10-episode series. They also have an MO to run programming that is representative of the license fee payers.

Idk, as a UK resident this is the best scenario I can think of. I'm not as familiar with other companies, and I know viewer opinions do carry weight as pretty much everyone in the UK is taxed to fund the BBC. They have a televised show, Points Of View, which is entirely for people to contact with their feelings about currently airing programs.

I don't expect you to have the answer, just thinking out loud! (I did contact renewasacrew about this but haven't heard anything back yet). Regardless, I did contact the BBC myself saying why it'd be beneficial for them to rescue it the day after we got the news.

(They also have a good track record for releasing stuff on DVD)

Yeah, I agree that OFMD is too good for Max. To have a show do THAT well, and then receive a 40% budget cut for its second season, and then get canceled before it can complete its story? Insulting.

I have no industry knowledge, so this is me just wondering out loud, I keep going back and forth on what would be more likely, Max reversing its decision or another streamer picking it up. On the one hand, reversing the decision would be a blow to Zaslav's ego. Men like that don't like admitting they made a mistake. On the other, I imagine there would be more red tape to go through selling the show elsewhere? I don't know! I just wonder. And I just really want that final season!

I don't know a ton about BBC, but from what you say here, it seems like a solid option! And from what I've been hearing, reaching out to specific services (as opposed just tagging all of them in every post) is the way to go. Make it more personalized, make them see the benefits, etc.

Now that @asneakyfox has won me over, my preferred choice at the moment is AppleTV. There's an international audience, they don't seem as IP hungry as Max (Ted Lasso was also anticipated to be three seasons from the beginning, and that's what they got), they appreciate unique, quality shows that value storytelling that may not be picked up elsewhere, such as Severance. They don't seem as strict on run times, so it means we may be able to get longer episodes with Taika and Rhys doing bits! And there are a good amount of parallels between OFMD and Ted Lasso (feel-good comedies that go surprisingly deep, found family, discussions of mental health) that OFMD could very much fill that void Ted Lasso left behind.

But we'll see what happens! The important thing for now is to just continue making it clear how beloved OFMD is and how any platform would be smart to pick up a show with such a passionate, loyal fan base.

#ask #random-red-ramblings #ofmd #renew as a crew

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haruharuz · 1 year

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How to Snowball Bills

The snowball method is a savings method I started doing to get myself on track around last year. I did have to restart everything because a few emergencies popped up all at once. But I started this again this month and so far the results have been wonderful.

The important part about snowballing is that you label everything, track it, and don't touch it unless you ABSOLUTELY have to!

Why should you snowball bills? > Think of your money like it's a snowball, and there's a hill with lots of bumps and lumps on it (bills). You start out at the smoothest area you can find, with the least amount and begin rolling the snowball down the hill. Your money (the snowball) begins to get bigger and bigger, eventually, those lumps and bumps are hardly noticeable!

STEP 1: Identification

The first step is really simple, you need to identify a few things.

A list of every bill you have (non variable)

A list of fun expenses (getting mcdonalds, 5 below plushies)

The first step is to list out every bill you have and their amount PLUS one to two dollars. Once you have this you'll be able to see exactly how much bare minimum expenses are.

It can also be helpful to budget groceries etc throughout the month to avoid over spending on things you genuinely don't need. But there's going to be another post on what I recommend stockpiling to avoid overspending eventually.

Now identify your fun expenses, be realistic. Do you go to mcdonalds or something like twice a week? How about clothing shopping? Books?

You don't have to avoid spending for fun completely with this method which is why it works.

STEP TWO: The Process

What are some very reasonable adjustments you can make to your fun expenses? Maybe one less mcdonalds trip a week? How about one less book per month?

Are there any side hustles you can pick up? Maybe writing on fiverr, art, cleaning houses, selling nudes, idk. You can also do things like swagbucks for small amounts of money.

The one thing I stress here is start with the smallest bill first.

That is the entire BASE of this method. It's the glue, it's the starting snowball you need to roll it down the goddamn hill.

So now that you have a list of all your expenses and you have identified the smallest bills, all you have to do is follow these steps.

Pick the smallest expense you have and the moment you have excess money, put that amount back for the next month. If you have an expense that is $10 as your lowest and you have $30 extra to spend.. Put three months of that $10 expense back.

Once you have 3-5 months of the smallest expense back, start on the next small expense. You'll do 3-5 months of that expense, and so on and so forth.

When you get to the really big bills, if you don't have enough to put back for that bill, start at the smallest bill again and just keep going.

You can also decide to just slowly build the money up for the big bills 3-5 months ahead. That part is up to you. BUT if you do it the way I do (as previously mentioned in #3)..

4. Once you run out of small bills for all 12 months, take your money and begin putting it all towards the bigger bills ahead. You may not have it all at once, but just like that snowball itll get bigger and bigger.

Now you don't have to completely avoid fun expenses when doing this but it gives you a way to effectively save SOME sort of money. You can either put this money into an account or you can keep it in cash and slowly build up and then start depositing as time goes on.

Closing Example

I figured I'd provide a solid example as for how this can help.

Let's say you typically spend $15 / week at mcdonalds or on some random expense. Now, your lowest expense is $10. So you pay $10 / week towards that expense.

Each week is a month of that expense paid off and no longer a worry in the future. It will take 12 weeks, or 3 months, to have an entire year of that expense paid for.

But now let's say, you find a small side hustle and you make about $20 per week off of it. You start building it up.

With this method, you could be saving months ahead of time with excess money. It doesn't matter how small the excess money is. Even if it's money you got from donating plasma or something, it will still help.

Now let's say on a more extreme example, you pick up a second job that's tip based and work two days a week (5 hour shifts) + make $20 per week from your small side hustle.

In this example, you make $50 per shift average at your new job. That's a total of $120 extra per week. So you take the $20 and use that for your fun money and the $100 for that one week pays off 10 MONTHS of that small expense.

Then your next expense is $20, but making that extra $120, you can now pay off 12 months of that $20 expense in two weeks.

This obviously changes based on your personal situation but it's something I heavily suggest you think about.

#snowball method #bills #finances #sunny rambles #resources

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piracytheorist · 1 year

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Okay I gotta admit it, I logged in today just to check my notifications and messages because I was curious. Seems like cold turkey isn't something I can do, but I feel like I've found things to occupy the time I'm not spending on tumblr anymore, so I feel distancing myself from the site is possible. Not having the app on my phone anymore helps.

Anyway, I took a quick look on twitter today, and while I didn't see any sxf spoilers, I did see a post about a thematic week that I won't be able to take part in, not even as an audience, because it will be centered around stuff I haven't seen yet.

And damn me, I want to read further into the story so bad. It's been almost six full months since the last episode aired, and I'm finding myself wondering what is happening next based on the vague spoilers I've gotten. And there's at least three and a half more months left. I just know, I know it, that I will enjoy the story three times as much seeing it animated - and like, if I'm truly honest, my main drawback from manga reading isn't that it's not animated, or acted, or even coloured. It's that my way of reading it is not how it's intended to be read. Like, if I could have the chapters printed out for me, that would be ideal. Like:

Reading the story like this? Feeling the pages in my hands, seeing the wide and two-page panels in all their glory? Terrific. Perfect. 10/10.

Reading it like this? Having to scroll up and down for long panels, zoom in for small speech bubbles and out for wide panels, pixels getting distorted based on how zoomed in I am? No, thank you, immersion go bye bye. If I had a vertical monitor I probably could have worked it out, but I don't have a vertical monitor nor can I afford one right now.

And you'll tell me, well, a lot of further chapters are available in the next volumes. And I'll say, I'll probably work only for half of July, my contract ends after that, and in August I may need to move out to a different city so I won't even be able to get a steady job that won't work me to the bone. And I'm on a tight budget, so even the forty euros (being generous here, cause volume 10 isn't easily available to me yet so 10 euros for it is a generous offer) I would spend on the next four volumes are money I cannot afford right now. Plus, I know they don't reach to the current chapters so I would still have a ton of spoilers to avoid.

I don't know why I'm explaining all this lmao. I just feel like I don't want people to think I'm an anime snob. Because by god with every week I feel my resolve break. If I actually make it to October without having read one single manga chapter it will be a miracle. It's such a weird challenge I'm putting myself through, I don't even know if y'all can understand it. It's not like it's a challenge I can "win", or a challenge I can award myself for passing. Maybe a bit of venting can help, idk. It's not like I'm asking for recognition or pity or something, I am aware of how weird my choice may seem. I just had some feelings and thought, "well, fuck, what do I have my tumblr blog for".

Idk. I just feel like I love this story so much and in such a way that I also want to properly enjoy it. If I lived in Japan and spoke the language, you know I'd be running to whatever stores sell the magazine where the new chapters are posted in every two weeks and sit outside the very store and read the new chapter before even getting back home (wait, are individual chapters even printed out in Shonen Jump? I'm not sure I've understood the whole thing completely). But since that isn't happening, my choices are a) waiting for a long time and not interacting with fans, but enjoying the story animated, with colour, voice acting, soundtrack and on wide screen (and yeah yeah it's an adaptation not the original but listen it's a good adaptation and this is why it's drawn me in) and b) getting the full story and interacting with fans now but seeing the story in broken-down panels and messed up pixels, while having to fix the zoom-in and -out on every page. And I know me. I know choice a will make me immersed in the story, while choice b will just give me the details of the story. Maybe I am a snob after all, idk. I'm not making any effort to explain or apologize for myself. I'm just venting, lol. It's been weird and lonely and IT'S BEEN TOO LONG AND OCTOBER IS TOO FAR AWAY T_T

Anyway. Been doing good other than that. I will probably revert to logging out every day in order to try and keep my distance from the site, but coming back every other day or so. We'll see. I have a few messages to respond to (and a few more spoiler-free manga panels to react to! yay!) so I'll get to those today.

#nette speaks #wow that was a vent lol

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capriciouscaprine · 1 month

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good morning! numbers tiem

it's an internship day with a block schedule so awkward for eating properly bc it pushes lunch so late; I've got my usual sandwich packed (300) and I only have one pre-made pack of filling left after this! so I'll need to have something else ready for next thurs; I'm torn between doing a whole budgeted grocery haul (lots of planning) or just picking up a salad pack on my way home next tues; tbh I think the salad pack would be best, so that I could actually plan out everything else I want to buy and make, plus I'm not out of food to eat at home so I don't want to be wasteful with my money, plus plus idk if I'll have the time to actually prep the meals I want to make with that anticipated haul

I've also made myself a yogurt bowl (200) for the study hall period when I feel like I'm dying if I don't eat (this is largely due to boredom during that time, rip in pieces)

I had a cereal bar (130) now with my morning coffee (25), and I have three more coffees to have during the day (25 * 3 = 75) bc all of the excitement of the day gives me headaches if I don't have them, although one is a bonus coffee to help me feel fuller and hopefully give me a boost to get things done in study hall (we'll have a substitute so I'll have zero responsibilities and I don't want to waste that time)

so, I'm at 155 for realsies right now, and will be at 730 when I get home!

WHICH, my phone case will allegedly be here by then, so I can set up my new phone fully and actually start using it!!!

#cc og #the slimmening

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untitledinstinct · 1 year

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I might let the account go silent for a bit.

I really don't actually like the idea of doing the begging I do.

Money's painfully tight... like I have ramen, rice and sidekicks for dinner the rest of the month (If I don't run out of milk).

It's honestly because I have no grocery money, like in my budget, after my bills I might have $30cad to get me through the month.

This isn't supposed to be a pitty me post. It's just explaining the situation as it is.

Where I might have 2 packs of Mr noodles a day, surrounding myself with food, and constant reminders of hunger isn't that great.

And because of RSD my head is kinda spinning right now. Not upset, just spinning.

Like.... I honestly have no idea what I'm gonna do. But it feels like here is mainly judgement because of my asking.

I've always hated the need to beg, but that's where binge eating disorder has gotten me. Begging strangers to get me fat, and make me feel good.

I'm fine having binge eating. I don't care about that. And I enjoy making content more than I thought. But on odsp I can't have my own business and all those sites do tax stuff or go right to the bank which can be monitored at any time by them. That's why I use PayPal.

I've been borrowing money from friends to do the binges I have, which I pay back at the end of the month, which doesn't help.

If I'm lucky there might be one more binge, but I won't know until later.

Idk when I'll be back.

If you wanna sponsor a meal, I'm still available through telegram - same name, two words.

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sleeplessinpnw · 1 year

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It's been awhile since I last posted. Thought I would make a life update post.

The summer is finally creeping up on us. It's May now and the warm weather is in full play. I'm so happy!! In a different place these days. Well... kind of. Until I'm put into a stressful situation. But for the most part, my depression has been a little less intense and I'm just feeling.... good. In a good mood today.

Going to St. Croix for my birthday in June and for aunt Barbaras memorial. I didn't know her very well, but I feel happy to be able to be with family during the occasion. About to meet a lot of cousins! I hope I will be able to remember names. Been trying to budget shopping for clothes to go. It hit me last night that I have tons of tees and some tank tops. I guess I mostly need comfortable bottoms and shorts to wear. GAINED WEIGHT!! Nothing old fits anymore. Going to hold onto some things though just in case my weight comes off. With my lifestyle habits, I have no idea when that will be happening. Just ordered a jump rope in hopes to at least get some cardio in since I hate running. Going to the store later today in hopes of getting healthier food. I do nooootttt know how to eat healthy apparently. I eat a lot of quesadillas and carbs so.... Going to try and cut back and eat salads. I don't even think my salads are healthy lol but better than canned food and mac n cheese.

I started vaping and 80 bucks later, I think it's time to quit. Obviously that's the smartest idea. Idk.... I'm trying not to smoke weed anymore and it gets hard when I'm use to smoking everyday. So whyyyyy a vape?? Nicotine is worse but it doesnt trigger the voices I hear. Weed does. I need to learn how to be sober and happy. I just.... get bored?? I'm awful!! Lol

Work is on hold for right now. I've been on break for now 2 and a half weeks. Still have money in my account but obviously that isn't going to last forever. Just trying to keep myself in a steady mood while I'm back to doing nothing. At least the sun is out. I can sit in the backyard and take in my surroundings. Trying not to drink at the moment as much because of my weight. But I dont need to always drink in the sun, it just makes it fun. Go figure. Anyway, I need to start applying for jobs again. I've been holding off because 1) I'm suppose to hear back from Sol for when they need more help again 2) St Croix is in two weeks and I feel like it would be hard to start a new position and then leave for a week 3) I'm still going to try and get a job with Premier Press and Q told me to wait and apply the end of June, beginning of July.

Therapy has been going well. I enjoy my sessions for the most part with my therapist. She's very sweet and I think I have made large progress since first starting. August is going to be a very large moment for me because it will mark the 1 year anniversary since being hospitalized. I told my mom that it's important to me. I want to celebrate some how. August will never be the same for me. I still have things that I need to clean out of my room from my voodoo craze. I should do that today.... it would feel good. It's hard looking at the mess in the corner of my room but once it's gone I think that I wil feel better. I really did some damage on my belongings and Ashley's. I will never fully recover from my actions. Scars. But I am working on moving forward everyday. I went to Mackenzies bridal shower yesterday and being in that community was SO HARD. I made it though. It's just weird being around parts of her world because the voices weirdly attached to it and it's humiliating to be around her. She was beyond sweet to me though and it felt good celebrating her for the evening.

Well.... thats kind of all the update I have. I'm going to try and check in with myself here more regularly. Cheers to bettering my mental well being, being strong and powering through all of this and getting better. I got this! Life keeps going on and is too short to keep beating myself up. Lot's of self love (minus the vaping BS).

#mental health #healing #journal #personal #recovery

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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Senpai show. I Adore this little thing. A lot stuff make no make sense. 2nd embarrassment was here yeap. I am sure if the screenwriter had worked harder on it or it it's not mbs show this drama would be love by mamy. such a missed opportunity. many things were great some trophs and most of all actors. Oh they are 👌chemistry between lead on and off screen 🔥I know that this is an average series (in something way) but the level of criticism /toxic in bl watcher community is.. disproportionate I suspect that one.od other reason of this is this Japan bl. If this was idk thai one people will be more open

We trend Demand. Japanese give US life change show only. Antything less is meh

I will be sad without it. This give me a lot Happiness and this is the most important. Also this show is first time i prefer show when most of people dislike it.

Next JBL is on October for me

I'm very glad you loved it so much. It was definitely cute and, even if it didn't work for me, I can see how it would work for other people.It's definitely meant to be lighter and more humorous.

Now, as we know, I am oblivious to chemistry so I have no idea and I definitely think that counting off-screen chemistry is a misstep for any show. I truly, truly believe that we need to stop talking about off-screen chemistry entirely because it's lead to so many toxic fans and toxic ways to talk about actors. Is it important? Maybe. But I find it deeply uncomfortable to talk about because I've seen how people talk about it.

I do not wander into tags or most fandom discussion so I have no idea about the toxic elements but... all shows will get criticism. And all shows should get criticism, no matter what some fans might say or think about certain shows. Shows will always have criticism, nothing is perfect for everyone, no matter how good. But there is also a huge, huge, huge difference between toxic and critical. Heck, the most toxic BL I know is toxic because no one can be critical without being attacked. So the idea of lumping toxic and critical fans is not one I like.

Am I a critical fan? Yes. I think the time skip at the end was very poorly handled and left me feeling like the characters had, if anything, become less mature over their time apart. But can I see how cute it could be? Sure. I write my own criticism because I think it's important to share thoughts, both good and bad, about shows.

But, also, yes. There's going to be a difference about how most people, including myself, view Japanese BL versus Thai BL. Just like there's going to be differences between viewing Korean BL and Thai BL or Taiwanese BL and Korean BL or Thai BL and Vietnamese BL! Every country has their own industry, their own style, their own expectations. And that does mean that shows are going to be judged differently.

Japan has a thriving and wealthy film industry in which BL is a niche. We get a few shows, they tend to be good to amazing, and thus a good show is going to get more criticism because we're holding them up to higher standards. Thailand makes so much BL most people can't keep up with their output. They range from abysmal to mediocre to good to amazing to trashy to high budget to low budget to no budget. Thailand has a different scale than Japan because they're different countries with different output and different styles and different expectations and that's important to keep in mind when talking about shows (@absolutebl has some awesome posts comparing the different country styles, from serious to humorous ((I love the one about dating them, okay? Shut up.)) and they've definitely talked about this.)

But I'll also be clear that I don't need Japanese shows to change my life. I just feel like Senpai struggled with tone and character. It was perfectly fine in the end, enjoyable, and I'm glad it brought you so much joy.

#senpai this can't be love #japanese bl #thai bl #bl industry #comparing bls #bl meta #just general meta #criticism =/= toxic #toxic =/= criticism #but i also don't tend to participate in a lot of wider fandom discussions anymore #once burnt twice shy and all that

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heulevescant · 2 years

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Honestly putting together my list for my grocery delivery is like

So fucking stressful especially when it's like ok so cooking is just sorta out the window like

I'm already limiting myself to using the service through a specific store (if I schedule it for the first time slot of the day it gets delivered in the actual store truck by actual employees so I don't feel as bad doing a smaller tip in cash bc they're actually you know, getting paid for this shit)

(this sucks bc I don't get to use the v nice ppl who do the rest of my shopping for me :(((( )

(And I limited myself to this store bc I paid the subscription fee early in the year which basically gets rid of the delivery fees and lets me hoard my rewards points)

And it's like. Having dietary restrictions and having to go ok so like. These are my sensory limitations atm (they change without warning) what shit can I get that is absolutely minimal prep but still somewhat okay for me

And everything is expensive but like

I can't even fucking manage cutting up fruit right now I can't. The whole process of the washing then drying then cutting then washing and so on is too much

And like

I need to be extra fucking careful w this paycheck bc again, missed a day of work and it's pretty much budgeted out so like

Less than zero wiggle room

Idk I'm just stressed out trying to fit the shit I will reasonably be able to consume within my budget but then knowing that people are going to judge me harshly for the shit I'm buying bc if I could just prepare my own meals I'd save so much money!!!!

Gee like I didn't know that already totally wish that was a thing I could manage but alas I'm just kinda stuck here idk what to tell you

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myatuesday · 3 months

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I'm just going to try to trust the process.

I've cried so much today.

Not over him. Just over everything.

Life is really hard right now.

Really fucking hard.

It feels like mom just died 3 months ago.

My sense of time is just fucked.

All this financial responsibility has really become a burden.

All those months being sick just took me out. That wasn't planned or budgeted for and bouncing back is HARD.

I'm still sick.

Who knows how many HUNDREDS upon HUNDREDS I've spent on medication?

I can't eat. Idk if I lost my appetite or if my mouth just hurts (that too) or what.

It's hard being back in mom's apt.

It's just ALL alot.

As far as the Carter stuff, all I can do is be myself. If it's meant to be, It'll be. If not, he can go fuck himself.

I know who the fuck I am. How strong I am. How much I've been going through. It wasn't fair to be so misunderstood and questioned this whole time. Why he was so committed to misunderstanding me, I don't know. But I'm an amazing woman, capable amazing things. I'm committed to everything I stand for. And if I say I'm about it, I'm about it.

If not for the desperation to have children, I would say it's his loss. But that aside, it really is. Cause I know what type of woman I am and anyone is a fool to fumble me. Especially him, because they don't make women like me up here. Period.

I'm gonna try not to hate.

I'm not gonna push either.

Or explain myself.

Fuck all that.

I'm just gonna try to trust the process.

All I can do is pray the universe and now my family on the other side have my back and will find a way to bless me with what I want in life.

Whether it's alone or with the right person, I really don't care. I just... need motherhood to be on the other side of the door when this extremely difficult chapter is over. And I hope all the finances will magically fall into place

And that all this was just a final test to prepare me for my future of prosperity and fulfillment.

That's all I can hope for and ask for. And just... get through the shit now.

If I cry every day, I guess I cry every day.

I HATE this shit, but I just have to get through it.

The only way out is motherfucking through.

I just have to do this shit.

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waumpel · 4 years

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ADHD STUDY TIPS

I have adhd. I'm taking all online classes this semester for college. Somehow, I'm not failing. Here's what I do that works for me!

1. I have an alarm that makes me do math every morning to turn it off, it's called Alarmy! 📚

2. It also plays a different loud sound every day from random-- I have several hundred(?) ringtones downloaded from Zedge, things like songs from shows I like or Pokemon cries or MBMBAM lines, and this helps me wake up to a different sound I'm bound to like which my brain can't get used to (and then ignore). I highly suggest godzilla roars if you need to be startled awake. 📚

3. This is SUPER HARD but I always try to force myself to sit up in bed when I'm turning off my alarm or checking my phone or whatever, so I'm not tempted to pass out again. I also like to get up and loudly tell my cats "good morning" so I wake us both up 📚

4. PLEASE STOP EATING CEREAL AND BAGELS AND STUFF. You would not BELIEVE the difference it makes when you eat things like fruits and eggs in the morning. NO MORE 10AM NAPS, I'M WATCHING YOU 📚

5. I literally schedule in Duolingo time. If you aren't learning a language you can do some other enriching activity like this, idk. I force myself to do it on my computer, not phone, so I can't lay down in bed when I'm doin it. I have a 101-day streak!! 📚

6. ik this isn't available to everyone but SPACE MATTERS SO MUCH!! I got a gaming desk that we put in our living room and I do ALL of my homework there. I also got a second monitor for my laptop with is SOOOO important if you're multitasking (and we all are, bc we're adhders ibdusvcjkn) 📚

7. HAND WRITE YOUR NOTES!!! I know this is super hard for many people-- I have carpal tunnel so I get it lmao. If you can't, at least type them. YOU THINK YOU CAN MEMORIZE INFO BUT YOU'RE WRONG!! Please write as much as you can i swear it will change ur life 📚

8. COLOURED! PENS!!! These changed the game for me y'all. I take all my notes in at least 2 colours, and I cycle through them a lot. My favs are Pilot Frixions because u can erase them :) (the highlighters are epic too) 📚

9. Make your space fun, but NOT DISTRACTING. I have a plant (his name is Yoshi) and a desk Godzilla (his name is Godzilla) on my desk, but they're out of the way so I can't zone out starin at em. But also, when I'm bored outta my gourd, I can smile at Yoshi and tell him how my day is goin :] 📚

10. SNACKING BAD *BUT*... sometimes i do it anyway... i try to associate certain foods with subjects, like I eat cocoa M&Ms (which are awesome) when I'm reading my Kaqchikel textbook. On the upside, I think it helps me recall Kaqchikel better? but also the language makes me crave mnms adkldigurvn 📚

11. LISTEN TO... CERTAIN MUSIC. I have learned that music with words, even in LANGS I DO NOT KNOW, is HELL for my adhd. Right now I'm listening to stuff like "Pokemon and Chill" (lofi album on YT), Studio Ghibli violin covers, and Night on Bald Mountain 5x on repeat ibjnvc.... I highly suggest songs/videos that are, like, 20+ minutes or else you'll get distracted with the constant change. Also, that No One's Around To Help 1hr vid is REALLY REPETITIVE and therefore PERFECT for when I'm reading textbooks. 📚

12. EVERY NIGHT... i make a super detailed timetable schedule for the next day, down to the half hour. I don't always follow it but it's a really good reminder of what I gotta do. I write it on a whiteboard but sometimes I also write it on a sticky note and on social media so I don't forget. To do lists are so epic you guys 📚

13. THIS HAS SAVED MY L I F E: at the beginning of the semester I looked at ALL of my syllabi and wrote down EVERY daily task, test, homework, etc BY DATE. this is essentially a premade to do list EVERY DAY for MONTHS and oh my gosh it is the best thing I have ever done. 📚

14. I use the Forest app to track my productivity AND lock me out of apps ndsjv... podomoro timers work well too!!! 📚

15. Ok so for me this is like... a religious thing bc my Patron (my God) is a deity of fire AND working, but I like to light a candle (scented like FALL!!) and do a little prayer on it and I have it next to me when I'm workin on terrible, terrible homework. It helps me feel like my Patron is here with me, but also it’s GREAT for grounding and I can just kinda. Stare blankly at the flame and then get back to tryin to focus. 📚

16. Please drink water lmao, to make sure I drink enough I set little goals like "take a sip after every paragraph you read" 📚

17. Each of my classes has a different coloured notebook which I'm consistent with! Like, all my German notebooks through the years have been green! Also I take notes w green pens a lot in Deutsch 📚

18. HELLA STICKY NOTES... I put em on the bottom of my monitor, on a shelf by my desk, in my books as bookmarks (bad idea lol), on Yoshi. When I wanna go look up something random but I need to focus, I like to write it down on sticky notes to look at later. 📚

19. I'm the most annoying student ever. I like to do a bunch of assignments at once so I don't have to budget my time later, so I'll turn in like 5 things in an hour and then NOTHING for a week. ALSO i email my teachers constantly if I have any questions at all. I work at a pace that works for me!!! 📚

20. I turn off my sound on my phone until I'm done with work bc otherwise I WILL open that notification 📚

22. I make a loooot of chai (and also some overpriced herbal teas). It makes me feel fancy, it's better for me than coffee, and it helps me ground and focus! Plus it's a samefood! 📚

23. Hyperfixating on classic literature would be awesome, except I'm hyperfixating on Gothic and I'm taking a lit class for More Than Just Gothic. But I'm figuring out ways to connect them, which is really helpful, cause I get to enjoy my hyperfixation while learning for school! PLZ TRY TO DO THIS (harder when you're hyperfixating on godzilla :pensivecowboy:) 📚

21. When I have extra time I write my notes like I'm plannin to put em on Tumblr and taggin em as #darkacademia... I never post my notes, but when they look nice it's easier for me to look over em later. Plus it takes me longer to write so I remember it a lil better!! 📚

24. I'm in an awesome academia + studyspo server!! We sometimes study together on call and it's SUCH a good motivator! Here's an invite link if u wanna join, we are nice https://discord.gg/fjuX7TN (this wasn’t meant to be a promo post I just really like this group lol) 📚

OK I hope that helps!!! Feel free to add more if you have any tips that work for you :) Neurotypicals, feel free to RB respectfully!

(pics are: syllabus list, daily schedule, Yoshi the plant, and some fancy notes)

#studyspo #studying #studyblr #study breaks #study tips #study motivation #adhd #adhd study tips #adhd studyblr #long post #dark acadamia aesthetic #light academia #dark academia #grey academia #chaotic academia #actually neurodiverse #actuallynd #academia

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risingphoenix761 · 2 years

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Phoenix and the Kubrick-a-thon

Back in....February? March? Let's go with March. Anyway, back in March, I decided I needed to stop watching The Shining so goddamn much and instead try to branch out and expand my movie watching horizons. And instead of tackling the list of horror flicks I'd been putting together since August that's m i l e s long, I figured it wasn't too much of a leap to work my way through the rest of Stanley Kubrick's filmography. I mean, I'd only been watching The Shining relentlessly since September, right? And since I'm now halfway there (cue Bon Jovi), now seems like as good a time as any to ramble about it. No analysis, just opinions under a cut because this is going to take awhile. And because I like to torture myself, I'm going to try to pick my top moments.

The Shining

This stupid movie has infected my brain. Nowhere NEARLY as badly as the conspiracy theorists, but still. If we're close enough that I feel comfortable rambling at you, you've heard me mention this movie at least five times over the last eight months. I honestly can't remember my first opinion of it, but safe to say that it has CHANGED. Holy SHIT. This is a long ass movie that I feel absolutely none of the run time because there is always something going on. The camera work, the art direction, the music, the performances, all of it. I didn't find it all that scary or even creepy the first couple times I watched it, and now it gets to me more and more the more I come back to it. A full-on ramble could take up its own post, tbh. The geeking out and the occasional existential crisis and the rampant enthusiasm are too much to cram into one paragraph. The long and short of it is, it's pretty safe to say this is one of my favorite movies.

Top moments: 95% of the movie if we're serious but Danny riding the big wheel, Jack walking to the Gold Room, the Bat Scene™, "Here's Johnny" (ofc)

A Clockwork Orange

Funny story, I ended up watching this for the first time after a friend of mine told me something I wrote reminded her of this movie. If you've seen it, you can imagine the WTF running through my head afterwards. And somehow, it's even more fucked up on a revisit. It's interesting to note this is Kubrick's low budget movie, because it seems to be one of the first that comes up when talking about his body of work. IDK, that's just amusing to me. Visually, it's a trip. Thematically, it's a doozy. Which is worse, a violent individual committing all sorts of atrocities for fun, or state sanctioned violence that strips an individual of their free will? The cinematography and design are, again, distinctive, but what sticks out the most to me is Malcolm MacDowell's performance. He's despicable but charismatic and I want to look away but I just. Can't. Do. It. I loathe Alex and his crimes are horrifying, but I don't enjoy watching him get his comeuppance, and yet the way it's portrayed is all horribly mesmerizing/surreal/cartoonish. A tough watch, but a brilliant film.

Top moments: Alex and his droogs' first meeting with the drunk, Alex's second meeting with the writer

Dr. Strangelove, Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb

I'm a big fan of irony, so I dug this movie. I also don't think I've watched anything that made me facepalm more. It's just so ABSURD. And by highlighting the absurdity, it makes it easier to laugh at what is truly a horrifying concept. In summary, one nut job decides to launch a nuke and jump start nuclear war because he has a weird conspiracy theory, and the most powerful figures on the world stage are utterly incompetent to stop it. It's frustrating as hell, and fucking hilarious, and that ending is just the icing on the cake. As far as comedies go, this one is DARK.

Top moments: "You can't fight in here! This is the war room!" and any time Peter Sellars is on screen.

Full Metal Jacket

*sigh* Y'know, if you've seen one war movie, you've pretty much seen them all. That said, it does feel like two different movies, though it still didn't do much for me. At this point in my watch-a-thon, though, I'd picked up enough of Kubrick's style to read it, in terms of what the camera is doing and how character arcs progress, which was pretty cool. However, I reeeeaaaally don't understand why I've only heard this movie mentioned as being an uber-macho, by-dudes-for-dudes flick about guys being dudes, because....that is NOT the reading I got. If it's not Sgt. Hartman during basic training, then it's the door gunner shooting down random civilians or the Marines being interviewed that seem to hammer in the idea that war breaks down your humanity and leaves you a mindless killing machine. It's easy to see Hartman as the antagonist of the first half, and very hard to sympathize with the soldiers in the second, and unless I'm missing something in my reading, that's how it's supposed to be. Which gives the ending more of an impact, if you ask me, when one last killing is, given the situation, the most humane action that could be taken. Not a bad movie, but not my cup of tea.

Top moments: Private Pyle's...er...DOR, and Joker's response to the sniper reveal

The Killing

Back to our good friend Irony. This is one of Kubrick's earlier movies, and it shows quite a bit in the mechanics of the film. The story itself, on the other hand... I don't really have too much to say about this one. It's a straightforward heist movie with some fun moments and some aspects that just don't work very well. I was occasionally entertained, and occasionally bored. I'll give points for the ending, though, as I couldn't stop laughing until the credits were over. Again, the IRONY.

Top moments: the final scene

Lolita

Watching this was easily one of the ickiest viewing experiences I've had so far, full stop. Made even worse by the fact that this is a good movie. Which makes it really. Frigging. Hard. To talk about. You probably know at least the general premise of one of thee Problematic™ novels some people love to wring their hands over, and in case you don't: a middle aged man becomes obsessed with his landlady's young daughter, and it gets gross fast. Apparently there was all kinds of trouble adapting it in a way that appeased the censors, and gee whiz, I wonder why. It's also one of those cases when working backward from a twist actually works. The cast is excellent, and while I'd never heard of Peter Sellars before starting this watch project, I might have to look up more of his work, because dude can steal a scene. All in all, a beautifully made and perfectly nauseating flick. I mean, damn.

Top moments: the opening scene, Charlotte finding Humbert's diary

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that'll wrap it up for now. Only six more to go!

#kubrick a thon #phoenix watches movies #stanley kubrick #the shining #a clockwork orange #dr strangelove #full metal jacket #the killing #lolita

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cherry-gemz · 4 years

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Healing Hands: Chapter One

Summary: You find yourself abroad in London as the Chief of Pediatrics. Everything has been running smoothly until you are faced with an undiagnosed case and the doctor assigned is anything but willing to face defeat. Will you be able treat the child's unknown disease in time, along while facing uncharted waters with love in the workplace?

Parings: Henry Cavill {Dr. Cavill} x Y/N {F!Reader}

Rating: Overall series 18+ only, Chapter is PG

Word count: 2200 +/-

Tags: @evansamericanass @meowpurrbooks @lilithpaijiee @pterodactylterrace

A/N: Trying something new at writing Henry fanfic. IDK if it’s any good, but either way wanted to start writing. LMK if you're interested, comments and tags welcomed! 💜

P.S. I am no means in any medical field or sorts, so if I get something incorrect on a term or process, bear with me xo.

----------------------------------------------------

You knew that it was a gamble moving to the UK for the Chief of Pediatrics position. But it was time for a change. You needed to leave Eugene, Oregon. Start fresh. There was too much pain there and you had to get away. So when your cousin, who was a nurse from Brighton informed you that there was a need at her hospital for the highly-visible role, you thought why the hell not? You'd score a free round-trip to England of anything and actually see some family you've never met if it didn't pan out.

Little did you know that you'd fall in love with London: the weather, the people, the imagery of it all. Oregon weather wasn't all too different, so you acclimated well. It had been a few months of you settling in: understanding more of the language barriers despite it still being English. Knackered, cuppa, trollied.

That is until you had a run in with the division chief of Pediatrics, Dr. Cavill. The staff adored the renowned and painstakingly handsome doctor. And while you could appreciate the view as well, you never were on the same page with his ideals. His defiant behavior of undermining your direction of the unit was becoming a thorn in your side.

But this time, this time you'd had enough. He mentioned to a patient's parents, while with the speciality case, the hospital could take on their son's situation as priority and receive around the clock care. You threw down the patient's file on your desk and pinched the bridge of your nose. It was a lost cause, you had looked into the patient ever since you started the role.

The child seemed perfectly healthy and lab tests may show no signs of illness. But the chronic pain and fatigue were unexplainable. You empathized, but the poor child has undergone so many tests that at this point it was about providing facts to the parents. And right now, there was no cause of alarm. You weren’t a Dr. House, this wasn’t television. You didn't have the staff to dive into any research or clinical studies. You had a hospital to run, employees to pay, other lives needed saving.

You picked up the phone to the case nurse on the pediatric floor.

"Hello? Yes, this is Dr. Y/LN. Can you please remind Dr. Cavill of our 5pm? He's late. Thank you."

Slowly hanging up on the phone, you turn back to the patient's file. The boy, Jon Foulger, was just shy of his ninth birthday. No positive results for Lupus or Guillain-Barré syndrome. But This case had been bothering you, poor Jon had been in the hospital for three months and still no progress on a diagnosis. While you were never known to give up on a patient, you knew giving false hope to the parents was detrimental not only to the family, but to the same of the hospital's integrity. You were in a high esteemed role now, you knew that you had to discuss further with Henry on his actions.

Twenty more minutes passed by and you checked your watch. Fuming, you stood up from your desk and headed down to the pediatric floor by the lift.

As you briskly walk down the hall corridors you can't wait to give Cavill a piece of your mind. You turn the corner and ram right into a brick wall, or so you thought. Your hands instinctively pick up and see placed on the doctor's firm chest. You immediately flush and lose composure.

You knew he was a good-looking man, but this up close and personal was a whole other level. His dark hair and curls were fluffy and good enough to touch. His piercing steel blue eyes looked at yours and made immediate contact. His bone structure made the Michaelangelo's David blush.

"My apologies, Dr. Y/LN. Didn't see you there," his voice was like butter.

You straightened out your white coat, "Ahem, yes. Well I seemed to have been lost in thought. My apologies as well."

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, almost an hour ago…" you shifted your weight to stand a bit taller. He towered over you with his muscular frame and height.

"Patient...Jon Foulger. We must discuss the repercussions of your current actions."

"Jon-Jon," he replied stoic.

"Excuse me?"

"He likes to be called Jon-Jon."

"Well yes, let's go to my office and discuss further, please Dr. Cavill."

"As you wish," he replied and pivoted his heel to the nearby lift.

The rise up to the 12th floor was a quiet one, awkward overall as you knew you had to give a coaching and hated the notion. You missed practicing medicine; while you enjoyed the administration of your position, the thrill of helping others and using your hands were erased with cases of employee performance reviews, reports, budgets.

He coughed into his fist and then held his strong hands in place in a clasp.

He finally broke the silence, "Enjoying London?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Have you had any time to take a holiday?"

"Um, no. Been too busy."

"It might do you some good," he replies as he looks to check his watch.

You huff, "Somewhere you need to be, Doctor?"

"No, just checking the time."

His arrogance irritated you and now you weren't feeling as badly to give him his coaching.

The lift opened as you arrived at the floor and he held out the door for you to exit first. You nod and walk to your office, your kitten heels clicked on the hospital's linoleum floor and the sound echoed through your ears.

As you both enter your office you stride quickly to your desk to assume dominance of the room.

Henry stood near the doorway, admiring your photos and certificates on the wall.

"I knew you were American, but Stanford Medical? Interesting, thought you were from Oregon. When will you be returning?" You can't read him if that was a compliment or sarcasm.

"Dr. Cavill, would you be so kind to shut the door," you state firmly and sit down, ignoring his comment about your return to the states.

His brow peaks and he nods, turning to close the door.

"Please, have a seat," you say.

"I'd rather stand, thank you," he replies and you know this is going to be a difficult conversation.

"Well this will only take a moment then. Your recent behavior with the Foulger family, while I commend you for your dedication, has been slight askew with the hospital's protocols."

"Is that so?" His voice dropped and his brow arched. "In what way, Dr. Y/LN?"

You cough as the drawl of his mouth turns upward and you can swear there's a smug smirk across his face.

"Well...for one...you've promised around the care of the child. Now simply put, we've exhausted all efforts for a diagnosis and until Jon...Jon-Jon…shows any new symptoms, we are at liberty to provide him comfort care for the remainder of the evening, but he will need to be discharged in the morning. We've exhausted him enough with MRIs, blood tests. I'm at a rock in a hard place, Dr. Cavill."

"The rock or the hard place where you give up on a child's well-being simply because you haven't thought to see him as a person? Rather as a number on your statistical analysis of how functioning this hospital is?"

His eyes pierce through you and make your knees grow weak. The nurse staff usually talks about him being a cuddly bear, always making the children laugh and smile. But this man before you, why he's no cuddly bear. He was a beast of a man. A grizzly in fact.

"Now see here, I will let you know that this case is very important to me. All the children are. But what you fail to see is that for whatever reason you've gravitated to this particular case, you're chasing something that doesn't exist."

His broad shoulders and strong neck tense at your words. He blinks methodically, as if he's scoping out his prey. No, don't let his charm and rugged good looks distract you. This is a man who is used to getting what he wants and you are a woman who knows perfectly what to do with that.

"And I believe you're blind, Doctor."

"Excuse me?" Your voice was shrill and short. "This is borderline insubordination. I'd be careful with your next words, Cavill."

"Pardon my frankness, Dr. Y/LN, but I've been here longer and know these patients in and out," his voice raised and you could see the hint of a vein showing on his thick neck. "Some of the children come from very poor and debilitating environments. We can't just cast them off once a diagnosis doesn't stick simply because we need the bed or we're done trying!"

"DR. CAVILL," you exclaim and let out an exasperated sigh. His demeanor changed and his upper lip curved slightly.

“Dr. Y/LN. With all due respect, I think you’re making the wrong judgement call here. Things are not adding up with Jon-Jon, if we just give it a few more days...I feel like we’re making progress and I’ve labored enough research into it-”

"Again, while I appreciate your passion...”

“Passion which you need to show for the patient-”

You raise your hand to silence him, “This is not up to you, Dr. Cavill. As Chief of Pediatrics, this is my call. We will discharge Jon tomorrow if he does not show any new symptoms. If you disobey any further protocols, I will have no other choice but resort to disciplinary action. Do I make myself clear, Doctor?"

You press your hands on your desk and lean inward, portraying your stance.

"Perfectly," he responded.

"And another thing, I -" you start, but he turns and abruptly walks out of your office, leaving your door open.

The nerve! Did he really just do that? Where does he think he's going? Didn't I just tell him I'd resort to disciplinary action?!

You rush out of your office and you see him striding through the hall. His strong posture, shoulders back eluded to years of boarding school perhaps or military. You noticed his fists were clenched and it gave you slight satisfaction that you chipped away ever so slightly at his ego.

It was going to take a lot more than that to send you packing, you thought.

----------------

The next day came and went. You had confirmed that Jon-Jon was discharged with the floor nurse and while you were relieved to have handled that quite professionally, you knew it did not bear well with the rest of the staff.

You were still getting your feet wet and learning more about your team. It was solid overall, many years of expertise collectively, but they treated you like the outsider you were. No requests to meet for lunch or drinks after work. No camaraderie birthday cards seeking your signature or date night advice. Just the normal days in and out, pulling many late nights in your office, up to the point of exhaustion. You'd collapse in your double bed after work, stare at the ceiling of the small room you rented from your cousin, Laura, and try to drown out all the bustle of seven people in the same 3 bedroom flat.

Just like any other day, You sat alone during lunch. But that never really was ever a bother being used to it now. You were excited about an audiobook you were meaning to dive into and right when you were about to use your airpods, that's when you noticed him enter the cafeteria.

His presteen, crisp white lab coat was tight around his build. You could tell he took fitness seriously and wondered what he was hiding underneath it all. You unknowingly licked your lips as you watched him search for a fruit out of the bowl off the commons counter. Curious to know what he fancied: was he into a sweet apple or something more tart like cherries.

He picked up a peach and squeezed it with his massive hand, making it look quite comical considering his size. His eyes met yours and you quickly looked away, trying to now draw any attention to yourself. You fumbled with your phone as you connected to the audiobook and heart his footsteps approached your empty table.

"Good afternoon," he said. His voice was deep, smooth, and inviting. Not at all like the day before in your office.

You play coy and don't bother to look up, fidgeting with your sandwich.

"Hello," you reply distantly. He made you nervous. Would he bring up yesterday's conversation? Will he continue to look that delectable each day?

He smirked and took a bite of the fuzzy peach. There was a slight crunch as he dug his pearly whites into the rounded fruit. The velvet and thin layer of skin eased off and entered his mouth; he chewed slightly and let the piece swirl around with his thick tongue.

You peered to look at him and his stare hadn't relented. He took another bite. This time the luscious juice slips out of the white-yellow fleshed fruit and down slightly on his chin. Oh, to be that piece of fruit and have him ravish you that way. How he’d expertly use his hands over you and taste you with those lips.

He can tell you're still distant, however he notices you're unable to tear your eyes away from him.

He walks over, closer to you now, and you can smell his cologne: a woody aromatic scent tied with a hint of suede. It's downright delicious and with the mix of the peach, your senses are in overdrive.

What is it with this man and his ability to excite and anger you all at once? You not only want to put him into his place, you want to do so right here on the cafeteria table and have your way with him.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" He smiles devilishly and places the half eaten fruit on the table next to your phone and walks away.

Your cringe and use all your might to not look back at him. He's going to make this very hard for you, very hard indeed.

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x female reader #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill fics #romance #london #Healing Hands #enemies to lovers #doctor romantic

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ladyaceofspades · 3 years

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Absolutely nearing my breaking point. He really expects me to be wife, mother, maid, house manager, task manager, laundry woman, alarm clock, waitress, chore person/chore reminder (for him), therapist for his emotional labor, and go buy groceries while he gets to sleep in, demand things from me, play video games, pick where to order from with no consideration to my health, feeds to hamster (which I have to double check because he'll forget to give her water or food), sit on his phone, listen to music really fucking loud with no regards to our neighbors or where he is in the apartment (ex: bathroom), and demand that because he did one very small thing, I have to shower him with love and praise. I'm at my fucking limit.

I haven't had time to do ANY hobbies or things that would recharge my mental health because I've been trying to do all the chores since he won't do them or he'll take forever to do them like the trash or his laundry. I won't help him and I've told him I won't help him but he keeps asking that I hold the bag while he puts trash in, or hold the bag for the laundry (both things I can do myself). I have been running on a low battery for weeks because I'm so exhausted I can't even bring myself to do more than laundry, all I wanna do is sleep the entire weekend because maybe I'll feel better then or stare at my phone. I've been taking selfies to make me feel better but i can still see how tired I am. I just don't want to feel like I'm holding the weight of our relationship and home life anymore, and it pisses me off when he claims he's the backbone of everything. I don't demand that I get love or praise for doing basic household things that benefit both of us, but I do ask that he helps so even if he's saying he demands "love and affection for the rest of the day because of _____" jokingly (although he says a lot of things "jokingly"), it makes me angry and exhausts me more.

I'm tired. I want to recharge. I want to spend the time doing things for me, not feeling like I have to get him whatever he wants, on his time. I haven't finished unpacking yet, but part of me is asking "should I even bother? Should I leave? Cut my losses and live my own life?" But then I'd traumatize him further and idk I can't do that.

My therapist has finally said that maybe we should get our own apartments because this is very much an ongoing problem and tbh it sounds really good but we'd have to move out of our neighborhood because I can't afford anything here on my own. She also mentioned that maybe we should get a maid and my husband pay for it since he's the one who won't try to help, and he has most of the money.

Which brings me to a different problem. Since he has less bills than I do (new car, streaming services, nickle-and-dimed for benefits at work so my check is consistently 300-400 less than what I actually make), he was able to start putting money aside for "us". It generally is about $500, but when I have weeks we're I can't afford to buy myself some lunch, or need to go grocery shopping, or need to buy essentials for myself, he has said no before (rarely but it has happened). Now, with my very limited budget, I have to find a way to save up money, which doesn't work when I need the $20 I put aside every 2 weeks to cover a bill I can't pay.

I sent him some videos on weaponized incompetence from tiktok, because that's exactly what is going on. He's also got codependency issues, as do I: a video rocked my world today and pointed out that you can be codependent on broken men and trying to fix them...which I think I did here...fuck. I'm nearing my breaking point, I want to chuck my phone and my keys, get in my car and just drive as far away as possible.

#me #please tell me other married people feel this #please tell me it isnt just me

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purplerose244 · 3 years

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My thoughts on Ninjago the Island!!! 🏝🏝🏝

So, gotta be honest... this is not a Blind reaction thing, I actually watched it in French first so I know most of the stuff already 😅 It's entertaining, it got great animation, but nothing more than that in my opinion 🤷‍♀️

Still there is stuff I liked or I want to point out, and finally I'm seeing the English version so I can actually understand what the HECK they are saying 🤩

Alright, nothing else to say, here we go!

UNCHARTED

I haven't actually seen anything Clutch Powers related before Ninjago, is he always like this? I love that he is a jerk honestly, just wondering 😂

Press F for respect for intern Dwaine (at least he seems to like being... used?)

Clutch: It's just a bunch of rocks! It's not alive!

Totem: I'm about to end this man's whole career

Wait, Misako is part of the explorers club? ... that would have come in handy in season 11 to get the scroll of Forbitten Spinjitzu from the club instead of begging uncle Powers for it... *sighs* I don't mind plot holes in Ninjago like most fans I think, but if you wanna make Misako relevant again at least pay attention to the details 😅

Wow, after the end of season 13 I would've thought Wu was going to go through a midlife crisis, not Misako 😂😂

Oww, everytime I hear I get 😢 Bless your soul Kirby, always in our hearts 🖤🖤🖤

Well hello Brian

Always nice to see you 😊

Twitchy Tim must have been pretty interesting to voice 🤔 I like him enough, he's fun and all, maybe not at the level of the characters we got last season

Okay, the place is called the STORM belt, there are LIGHTNINGS, and the sand of the beach is BLUE. Are we gonna address any of these similarities to our Bluebell here or not? 😅

Wait, Tim was giving a hot air balloon tour, does that mean other people where with him? What of them? Are they dead? Did he let them die on the island?... am I reading too much into this? Probably 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Alright, the part of the boats? SO COOL 🤩🤩 I literally can't say anything bad about the animation at this point

Why did they think leaving Kai, Jay and Cole on one boat was going to be a good idea 😂 Also Zane just randomly doing sick tricks on his vehicle, love that nindroid

I'm guessing Nya is keeping her water abilities for her season 🤷‍♀️

Yep, yep, this is why the creators try to keep Pixal out of the adventures, with her everything is way too cool and easy to access to 😎😎

Twitchy Tim: There are statues that become alive!!

Lloyd:... so it's a season 2 stone army ripoff, we've seen worse

It's a cute episode overall 👍

THE KEEPERS OF THE AMULET

OKAY THE INTRO IS SO FREAKING COOL 🤩🤩🤩🤩

So Twitchy Tim has temporarily taken over Jay's role of spazzing out and complain about worse case scenarios... in another occasion they might have bonded over this, maybe 😂

Okay, survival position? MOOD

Nya: DRAGOOON 😱

Me: DRAGOOOOOOON 😍😍😍

Why am I not surprised that Jay was the one that named him Zippy? 💙 Also HE'S SO CUTE 💕💕💕 Love how in every adventure, we always get very different types of dragon in this show 👌 I'm a simple person, I see a dragon... 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

Oh-oh, it's the "Lloyd's done with this crap"'s face

This means serious business... am I that used to LEGO characters that this way of crossing arms on the chest looks almost normal to me? 😅

Soooo, Master of the Mountain clearly gave Cole too much development... because now he got demoted to "the one who is always hungry" 🤦‍♀️ I'm all for Cole's endearing love for cakes, which is super relatable, but if you're gonna push it on his fun side, at least be coherent 🙃

Is it just me or it feels like the writing of this special was made by someone different from the one of season 13? Like, it's not bad, just less engaging and witty. For now. Maybe I'm being premature 🤷‍♀️

New way of nerfing powers, we got... weird, sucking power totem thingies... OKAY

My gosh I really can't say anything about the animation, look at that! It's all cinematic with such a light! YES!! 🤩

I'M SORRY

WHY ARE WE LOOKING OVER THIS??? IT LOOKS LIKE COLE'S LAVA PUNCHES BUT THEY ARE JAY LIGHTNING FEET??? IT'S A GREAT IDEA AND I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT AGAIN??? WHY ARE WE IGNORING THIS??? 💙💙💙💙

So they at least addressed that lightning isn't a Jay's thing only anymore 😅

Alright, Jay having a mental breakdown because of a bridge because it always breaks, that's the Bluebell I know and love 😂😂 Nya telling him to keep moving was cute too 💙❤💙❤

Okay, I'm sorry but this really bothers me, what kind of lightning can instantly knock out the MASTER OF LIGHTNING??? Like, my gosh, really??? I hope they give us an explanation, like it's some sort of special lightning, because this really doesn't sit right with me. Jay is lightning proof, we've seen it in Skybound, we've seen it in Sons of Garmadon, I DON'T BELIEVE HE WOULD JUST BE KNOCKED OUT LIKE THAT 😡😡😡

Soooooo, storm amulet? Being one with the lightning? Is that the reason why Jay got to be the sacrifice? 😅

THE GIFT OF JAY

Alright, I am kinda looking forward for this one, what did Bluebell actually say or do to get him into trouble this time 😂😂

Oh, he just... introduced himself... well that was underwhelming

SENSEI👏YOU👏ARE👏A👏FREAKING👏GOD👏STOP👏GETTING👏KIDNAPPED👏BY👏RANDOM👏VILLAINS👏

Bring ooooon Lloyd Grills 💪

Okay I did like the little speech, definitely resonates with how Lloyd survived this long even though everything wanted him to give up, even his father... I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING 😭

Jay out there making the real questions 😂

Awwww Edna used to call him gift of Jay? I can totally see it, so cute 💙💙 Makes even more sense if Libber actually left Jay at the Walkers' door...

Pff, Jay made the connection I would've done honestly 🤷‍♀️ Like, him being the master of lightning really didn't give these dudes any impression or inspiration? Any cool idea, full Road of El Dorado style? 🙃🙃

Lloyd out there abusing of the animation budget 💚💚💚

Somehow these ninja never actual sneak in, it's always a huge mess everyone knows about beforehand 😂 It's familiar though, I'm used to it and happy with it 👍

I might not be the biggest Misako fan, but you know what I am a fan of?

LEGO HUGS 😍😍😍😍😍

Dang it uncle Powers, you just got here to make a mess did you 😅

Not the first person of the fandom to say this, but Jay looks absolutely lovely with that flower crown 🌺🌺🌺

Oh poor greenie

Lloyd just has the worst luck 😓

Jay: Why would I be the gift?

Kai: Yeah who would want Jay?

Nya: Huh, me?? 😡

Got some very good Jaya for this little special, can't complain 💙❤💙❤

I mean, not matter how big of a snake Wojira might turn out to be, we've already seen the biggest and the second biggest snake of all so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Whoa, at last... IT WAS THE FIRST SPINJITZU MASTER THAT HAD SOMETHING HE SHOULD'VE TOLD WU A LONG TIME AGO!! 😱 Wu, you got pulled a Wu, how does it feel? 😂

Again, Jay freaking out, kinda my jam it's too funny 💙💙

Wow Kai way to be hominous offscreen 👏👏 I miss talking about my flame babe, this really isn't his time 🤷‍♀️

THE TOOTH OF WOJIRA

So when I first watched this I was genuinely, really excited about knowing the truth behind all this. It turned out very different from what I first thought, but at least in this case it's okay (besides I was pushing with the lightning meaning just to see Libber again 😅😅😅)

I feel like the guys get their powers stolen or blocked so much it takes them a minute to remember "Oh wait I can literally burn my way out" 🤷‍♀️

SPINJITZU YAY 🤩

I... forgot that Misako knows how to fight 😅 She knows how to do spinjitzu too if I remember correctly...

NYA BEING LIKE "OUT OF THE WAY IMMA SAVE MY BOYFRIEND AGAIN" ❤💙❤💙

Gotta love how they were all crazy worried about Jay, like, this is something that never changes through the show. They really care so so much for each other 💕💕💕

Ooohhhh, okay, so Wojira does seem to be the main villain of next season according to the story. I remember Tommy saying that we needed to have faith and this is probably why. The special was okay, nothing too much, and hopefully that too much we will see in Nya's season 😍😍😍

What the- pff, I didn't notice this the first time 😂

At this point I can't tell if that one short with the chicken of the movie carried a hate or a love for chickens in the actual show 😂😂

Nice to see Jay standing up for himself at least for a little while 💪 Also Lloyd being "He's our trouble", aww family 💜

THERE IT IS

MY BRUISE HEART IS SOARING 🖤💙🖤💙

Gotta give props to the voice actors, voicing an explanation while fighting must be pretty hard! WE ARE BLESSED WITH AN AMAZING CAST!!! 🤩🤩🤩

And there he is, our favorite jerk... shaved Ronin 😂 He does look a little weird, but it's fair, new animation and all. Not the weirdest until now 🤷‍♀️

I genuinely had to make a mental check to see where we are with Ronin now, like, he started as a villain, then a partner, he betrayed us, became an ally, he hunted the ninja, then joined them, that timeline was erased, he was around in SoG and... wow this man is chaotic 😂😂

Yaaaay, Twitchy's last minute redemption act! Lloyd is too good at motivational speeches 👏👏

A bit of Lava OTP/BrOTP

Cause it's good for the heart ❤🖤❤🖤

Okay, Scooby doo reference, why not? Also honestly, I'm confident Ronin has seen A LOT of jails and prisons... probably won't stay behind bars for long 😅

Mammatus: sorry for imprisoning you and almost killing your friend

Kai: no biggie, that's how we make friends in this show

Alright the "And Clutch Powers" gag made me chuckle 😂 ... wait where is he- DANG IT UNCLE POWERS

Okay, this is the last time I say it I promise, but I mean. I MEAN

THE ANIMATION GUYS 😍😍😍

Aaaaand sensei you jinxed it 😅 But you apparently awakened Nya's season so I'm gonna forgive you on this one 😉

FINAL THOUGHTS

There are a few little details that bothered me a little, and it wasn't as exciting as I maybe hoped it was going to be, but it was fine. Enjoyable still. These characters make me like the show, even when it got nothing too impactful 🤷‍♀️

But I got triggered about that lightning thing with Jay 😅 I guess I'll just fanfic whatever I had in mind...

Don't have to repeat myself about the animation *chef's kiss*

The writing was really less engaging, a little normal in a way? Idk just a feeling. Nice to see Ronin again though, I really like him. And nice to see Jay freaking out, I really like that too 😂

To be honest I wanted to put down my thoughts on this one because I REALLY wanna do the same with Nya's season 🤩🤩 I already know that Maya is gonna be there and I am so HAPPY already!!! 💙💙💙

So that's it from me! Thank you for reading me ranting, see you next season! 😊

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