#i'm taking my mom to get her nails done this weekend and this is the mb i'm bringing the nail artist ✨
Note
I wish you would write a fic where....reader is going to get a pedicure but her normal nail tech is out, and the owner's cute son (you pick the member) who's back in town volunteers to do reader's appointment. (hehehe)
Jess!!! I did it 🤣 I didn’t think I could but I actually had a lot of fun with this! Thank you for this ask. I hope I did it justice 💜
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Self-Care Sunday | JJK
Pairing: NailTech!Jungkook x Fem!Reader
Rating: 18+
Genre: Meet cute; fluff
Warnings: Some naughty thoughts but nothing explicit; slight references to gender stereotypes and occupations
Word count: 3k+words
Summary: You arrive at your mani-pedi appointment to find out that your usual technician is unexpectedly out. Instead, the salon owner’s son offers to do your nails instead.
A/N: Just for fun! Also, I was too impatient and wanted to actually post on a Sunday, which is why I didn’t have time to find a proper banner image for this. I’ll fix that tomorrow 😅 Thank you @midnightagust for your eyes 🥰 hope you all enjoy this!
Every weekend, you make a point to treat yourself to some form of pampering. Whether you went out to get your hair done or simply curled up on your couch to enjoy a book, ‘Self-Care Sunday’ was a big deal for you. It was a way to reset and prepare for the week ahead.
This weekend, you’re going for a mani-pedi. You walk into the nail salon about five minutes before your appointment time.
The small reception booth in front is empty, but the rest of the ladies who are busy with customers pause to greet you since you’re a regular. You begin to scan the room for your usual manicurist, hoping to check in and get set up.
Oddly, she’s nowhere in sight so you ask one of the ladies closest to you, who was giving a pedicure to another client.
“Annie just left. She said she was feeling sick,” she says to you.
“Oh no.” You look around again to see that everyone else is tending to their own clients. There’s no way any of these ladies would be able to take you on this morning. You’re disappointed but it’s not the end of the world. “I guess I could just reschedule my appointment–”
“No, hun, you don’t have to! It’s why she didn’t call to cancel. Our manager will take care of you.”
The salon’s manager, Lily, wasn’t afraid to jump in to help out whenever it was busy. It was a small comfort to know that the day wasn’t going to be a complete waste and you knew that you were in good hands.
The nail technician points to the vacant spa chair next to her and you help yourself. She pauses her work to fill the basin with warm water so you can soak your feet in while waiting for the manager.
“He’ll be right out, okay?” She says with a smile before turning back to her client.
Your eyebrows scrunch in curiosity. You could have sworn she said 'he,' but maybe you were hearing things. You dismiss the thought and activate the massage function on your chair, then start scrolling through your phone while waiting.
A few minutes later, you notice movement in your peripheral vision. As the figure settles on the low stool in front of you, you raise your head to greet them. Your voice gets caught in your throat when you realize that it isn't Lily.
"Hi!"
You’re stunned at the sight of a man sitting in front of you. He looks young and devastatingly hot. You would never expect to see someone who looked like him at a nail salon, let alone working at one. His big, round, beautiful eyes make you want to melt into the water your feet were soaking in.
“Uhm…h-hi,” you choke out once your brain lurches back to life. “I thought the manager was going to do my mani-pedi.”
He grins proudly, spreading a towel on the footrest of the spa chair. "Yep! You're looking at him!"
You feel confused. Did Lily quit or hire someone new? It’s been three weeks since your last appointment. In the background, you hear the other nail technicians giggling amongst themselves.
Seeing the worried look on your face, he explains, "My mom is taking a break, so I'm filling in for her."
You vaguely remember Lily mentioning her children in passing. Since she looks relatively young for her age, she’s always said that people are shocked to hear when she tells them that she has a grown son.
Well, consider yourself shaken to the core.
"I'm Jungkook, by the way," he extends his hand towards you. You're both baffled and overwhelmed by how handsome he looks. The massage chair's tapping setting propels you forward, snapping you out of your daze.
You reach forward to shake his hand and introduce yourself. Although he has a firm grip, his hands are surprisingly soft, sending a chill down your spine.
“When Annie said that she wasn’t feeling well, I offered to take the rest of her appointments for the day,” he divulges.
You look at him skeptically. You’ve never received a manicure and pedicure from a male technician before—especially not from one who was this cute.
He chuckles. "I know, I know. You're probably thinking, 'Does this guy even know what the hell he's doing?' Well, let me assure you that my mom personally trained me. If she's ever worked on you, you can expect the same level of quality from me. But I understand if you feel uneasy. The last thing I want is for a client to feel that way.”
You’re still apprehensive but he sounds confident. You get a grip and nod, giving him consent to continue with the appointment.
“Thanks,” he says softly and with a look of relief. “You booked a deluxe pedicure and manicure, right?”
The deluxe mani-pedi comes with a longer-than-usual massage on your hands and feet. Thinking about this man's hands kneading your tired muscles makes you sweat.
“Y-yes, I did,” you nervously confirm.
He nods in acknowledgment, and you gulp as he begins to dip the pumice sponge into the basin to scrub your heels. He’s careful and gentle with each pass, totally unlike what you’ve been used to. It’s a stark contrast to these ladies, who have manhandled you in surprising ways—especially the petite, older techs. They’re still sweet, though, and they do a great job, but you admit that this is a nice change of pace.
The rest of your pedicure prep goes smoothly until it was time for the massage.
He drains the water from the basin then he props your feet on the footrest. The stool is too low for his frame but he doesn’t complain. He’d rather make the adjustment so you wouldn’t have to bend awkwardly from your seat.
After drying your feet with a towel, he squeezes some lotion into his hands and starts massaging it into your calf muscles. Typically, some ladies prefer to keep their gloves on for sanitary purposes, but Jungkook has taken off his gloves just before the massage. You figured he was the manager on duty, so he could do whatever he wanted. And not that you had any objections, as the skin-on-skin contact feels nice. Better, actually.
You don't know why, but your gaze is drawn to his thighs, which are spread widely in front of you. It's incredibly distracting and you struggle to look away. You wonder if the awkward positioning of his knees against the spa chair is causing him to sit like that, or if there is something else between his legs that he's trying to adjust for.
“Is the pressure okay?” His question pulls you back into reality.
"What? Oh, yeah. It's good. It's fine," you manage to cobble together. His touch is firm, yet gentle enough to be relaxing. Silently, you think, if he was this good with your legs, how would his hands feel on the rest of your body?
"Are you sure? I could apply more, if you prefer. I always try to start off slow, but I can go deeper, depending on how you like it."
You grip the chair's armrests in response as your mouth goes dry. "N-no, you don’t need to go deeper. What you're doing is...great.” Your voice comes out breathy, but in an effort to distract yourself, you dig your phone out of your purse and start randomly scrolling through your social media feed. Now was not the time to be getting horny over your nail technician.
He suppresses a smile at your response. "Okay then.”
******
You manage to survive the rest of the pedicure without any additional incidents, much to your relief. He slips your sandals back onto your feet with ease, without smudging your freshly painted toes, and helps you over to the manicure table.
Once you settle in your seat, you rest your hands on the cushion and dip them into a cuticle-softening solution while he sets up the rest of his tools. While waiting for your fingers to soak up the solution, he checks in with you.
“Can I get you anything while you wait?”
“I’m good right now, thanks.”
"Okay.” Then, he leans in, lowers his voice, and asks, “How do you think I’m doing so far?"
You smile warmly at him. "I have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised." Your toes didn't look streaky, nor did he get polish on your skin. You were impressed!
Your response makes him smile from ear to ear, his nose crinkling in amusement.
"Thanks. I know most women think it's weird to get a mani-pedi from a dude."
You sigh and decide to fess up. He seemed self-aware and appreciated honesty. "Well, I have to be honest—I was definitely apprehensive at first," you admit then follow it with a shrug. "But then I thought, hey, it's a job. If you can do it and have the skills for it? Why not? It shouldn't be restricted by gender."
His brow arches at your remark. "My thoughts exactly!" He agrees emphatically.
You feel another spark of electricity surge through you as he lifts your hand. You watch as he examines your fingers under the light.
“Mm…nice, long, nail beds.” His compliment followed but his thumb brushing over your fingers makes your belly flutter.
“But I bet you probably get that a lot,” he adds with a laugh.
“Not as often as you think,” you say. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was coming onto you.
“Just a regular manicure, right? Not gel?”
“Yeah. I thought, if I got the gel, I can’t get the usual hand massage—”
“I can still give you the massage,” he interjects.
“Oh. But what about the oils? I thought it’s not good for the gel base?” You hesitate.
He shrugs as if it's a non-factor. "I can do the massage after I cure your nails under the light. That way, the polish adheres nicely and it’ll be all set. But if you still prefer a regular manicure, that's fine—we’ll do that. I just want you to know that you have the option," he assures you.
You purse your lips to think for a few seconds. “Well, if you’re sure the massage won’t mess with the gel—”
“It won’t, I promise!” He says confidently. “My mom’s old school and she’d never do it that way but I think that you can still make it work.” After he says it out loud, one of the female technicians next to him scoffs. Seems like she prefers the standard method, too.
Jungkook rolls his eyes subtly at her reaction and turns his attention back to you. “If you don’t like it, I’ll give you your money back.”
That sounded fair to you.
“Alright. I trust you.”
After you decide on gel polish colors, he begins to trim your cuticles and file your nails. But just when you thought you could easily survive the pedicure, him being this close, and at eye-level, was going to be an uphill battle. He looks so focused and precise in his movements; it’s relaxing to watch. Even the little pout he does while maneuvering your finger to apply the polish with the utmost precision to cover every surface of your nail is cute.
You make small talk while he works. Not the usual gossip that you’re used to with the female technicians. You feel comfortable around him but not enough to spill all of your secrets.
“So, are you doing this full-time?”
“No,” he answers before he guides your hand into the curing lamp. “I have a day job but I mostly work from home. My mom said that needed help and I didn’t hesitate to step up. She works very hard.”
Oh no…he’s not only cute but he also loves his mom. You can’t help but feel endeared. You also note that he doesn’t have a ring on his finger. Lily hasn’t mentioned any daughters-in-law, that you recall.
You decide to sound casual to break the tension a bit. “This job must be a great way to pick up women, too, huh?”
He pauses before meeting your gaze. The corner of his mouth curves into a cocky smirk. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
Your cheeks heat up. You immediately realize that your comment may have crossed a line, thinking you were at that level of comfort with him just because he touched your bare feet. You kick yourself internally for being presumptuous.
“S-sorry,” you shyly tear your eyes away from him. “I was just trying to make conversation.”
He brushes off the exchange. “It’s cool. Honestly, there aren’t many women falling over themselves to go out with a male nail technician,” he says in jest. “Some people have specific perceptions. They’re usually wrong but I don’t bother to correct them.”
“Oh,” you suddenly feel bad as you’d made assumptions about him too. “I mean, I think you have a lot of patience to be working on nails. Not to mention that you’re a handsome guy who gives great foot massages. I don’t see why any woman wouldn’t want to get more of that.” You catch yourself too late when you realize what you’ve just said.
He snorts your comment but doesn’t pile on it. “You’d think, right?”
You clear your throat and attempt to recover. “Well, you’re also easy to talk to. You keep the conversation flowing.” Your voice is still tight, embarrassed from your ‘cute guy who gives great foot massages’ comment.
“I appreciate that,” he smiles. He examines your nails, one last time, running the pads of his fingers over the polish to make sure that it has set properly. When he’s satisfied, he says, “Looks good. I’ll be right back, okay? Then we can get to your hand massage.” He excuses himself and gathers his tools to soak them in a cleaning solution.
When he walks away and disappears into the back room, you release a breath you seemed to be holding in for far too long. You’d never been this wound up during a mani-pedi.
A few minutes later, he returns and sets a warm towel down. He then moves the magnifying lamp out of the way, giving you a complete and unobstructed view of him. Unfortunately, this doesn't bode well for you.
“So, do you have any plans after this?” He asks casually while massaging circles into your forearms.
You’re all flustered again. “Not much. Maybe I’ll grab some mid-day coffee or something then head home.”
“Nice. Where do you grab coffee?” The feel of him dragging the pads of his fingers on your slicked skin, couple with his piercing gaze are causing your breathing to go ragged again. Suddenly, your brain blanks out on where your favorite coffee spot is.
“Just, uhm—” you struggle to pull the name out of your memory at first but manage to blurt it out when he squeezes your fingers. “It’s not far from here.”
“Oh. I don’t live in this neighborhood so I’m not familiar.” His thumb and forefinger knead your muscles in a way that should normally not feel arousing to you, but it does. And you can’t help when your thoughts slide back into wondering what else those magic fingers can do.
“I figured, if I was going to be helping out here more, maybe I should get to know the area– especially places to eat. You think you can you give me directions to the cafe?”
You shift in your seat. “Well, it’s sort of a hole-in-the-wall place. The GPS is kind of spotty on it. You have to be a local to really know where it’s at.”
“Well, my break’s coming up after this. Maybe we can drive together?”
It takes a couple of seconds for you to realize it. He's not stupid, and you were right – he's definitely self-aware. He knows that you're affected by him. Smiling to yourself, you’re happy to let him know that the feeling is mutual.
Your eyebrows twitch at how forward he’s being. “A break? But it’s only 11:30?” You laugh.
“What can I say? I think I worked you really hard–”
His response makes your eyes bulge and causes your jaw to drop.
“Oh, sorry–I meant to say, you worked me really hard.”
You throw your head back in laughter, and it makes him laugh out loud, too. He was a cocky little shit but you’re not mad at it.
When your laughs die down, he says, “I think we can both agree that we did our best to fight this–” he gestures at the space between you two.
“Oh, is that right?” You ask playfully.
"Yeah. I think we deserve a little treat. Maybe grab some lunch, wherever you want." You’re mildly aware that the massage is over but his fingers are still lingering on your hands while he patiently waits for your answer.
This is one of the most unusual ways you've been asked out, but there's a first time for everything. After thinking it over, you decide to give it a chance. "Okay. But if I agree to go to lunch with you, do I still need to tip you for the mani-pedi?”
He purses his lips in thought for a few seconds before countering. "Tell you what—if you let me take you to dinner tomorrow night, the service is on the house. We can call it even then.”
His playful proposition catches you off guard but it also intrigues you. Again, you find yourself unable to resist his charm.
“Alright.”
Your response makes him smile full-on and it’s infectious, so you can’t help but smile back. He starts to clean up his station, then turns to the older nail technician next to him who saw the whole situation unfold.
“Auntie, please don’t tell my mom,” he whispers mischievously, causing her to laugh after she agrees not to rat him out.
You giggle at his request and tell him, “I guess I’ll meet you out front whenever you’re ready?”
“Sounds good. We’ll take my car so we don’t ruin my masterpiece there,” he points at your hands.
You laugh at his retort and shake your head. Never in a million years did you ever think that you’d find a date a the nail salon. It’s one of the better things to come out of your Self-Care Sundays.
Main Fic Masterlist
You’ve reached the end! Thank you so much for reading!
If you loved it, please comment, reblog, or send me feedback! 📩. I love hearing from readers! If you didn’t like it so much, I would still like to hear about it. Help me become a better writer! 💜
#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fluff#jungkook x you#jungkook fanfiction#jungkook imagines#bts fanfiction#shina asks
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Like Mum!
Florence Pugh x Wife!Reader
Summary: While doing a Cooking with Flo on live, her wife surprised her with a daughter who shaved her head on her grandparents house during a weekend vacation.
A/N: So Florence and R are married and they have a daughter.
Masterlist
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"So after doing that, we need to dice the onions and garlics, lots of garlics of course" Florence starts to dice the said ingredients while going on live on her Instagram.
"No way... NO way my love. What happened?", Florence heard her wife scream from their living room, curious about the situation, she then shouted back "What happened darling? Everything alright?".
A few seconds pass and she doesn't hear a response from her wife that made her much more curious about the mystery that is happening in their living room.
"Well guys, I need to check up on my girls, hold on for a sec yeah?", Florence stated as she went off the camera and started to walk from their kitchen to the living room.
As she is nearing the room, she heard her parents laughing in the phone since her wife is face timing her daughter from Florence's Parents house and Florence saw her wife on the carpet stifling a laugh while shedding a tear.
Florence got to her wife's level and asked "What happened my love? Why are you laughing huh? Everything fine? I heard you earlier and thought something happened?" As confused as she can be, Florence heard her Mom on the phone and told Y/N "Okay, now her grandpa is fixing her hair."
Now Florence is much more clueless on the things that are happening. Her wife laughing her ass out and her mom telling her wife about fixing a hair cut.
So what Florence did is she take the phone that was laying on the ground and saw her daughter sitting on the bathroom sink, a smile on her face, her dad shaving her daughter's head.
"What...WHAT IS HAPPENING BABY? What happened?" she asked baffled by the things that she saw while Y/N just laugh out loud again, laughing from the reaction of her wife.
"What happened mum? Why is Elise getting her hair shaved?" Florence asked her mom, still confused.
Her mom answered, "Oh well, she saw a picture of you a few years back, you know, from when you shaved your head and told us she wants to also have that hair cut." still giggling from the things that are happening in her household.
Baffled by her mom's answer, Florence asked "How did she ended up like that?" and Y/N answered her wife "Well your dad was shaving his beard and Elise was watching, so when your father put the razor down, Elise run it through her front hair" while giggling in between "I have pictures of it baby, I will show it to you."
Florence finds it amusing that her wife is laughing so hard while their daughter is getting her hair shaved off.
"Okay, all done, go and say hello to your moms young lady" Florence's dad said as he brush of the fallen hair from his grandchild's shoulder.
"Hi Mum! I look like you now, LOOK!" as her daughter pointed to her ipad with Florence's picture with her hair shaved off "I look like Mum now, I'm so pretty" Elise added with a giddy on her voice.
"Yes my love, you look so lovely, I can't wait to see it in person." Florence said as she shakes her head wondering her child be as adventurous as her.
Y/N chimes in "Yes baby, you look so lovely, and you look like Mum now. I can't wait to see you later."
They ended the call with good byes and a few kisses.
Florence ended up laying down on their carpet, trying to process things "Wow, from all of my hair choices, she chose that" with a giggle on her voice and a sigh.
Y/N lays on top of Florence and said "Well she got it from you, you know. You're adventurous, wild, ready to try new things, and sometimes crazy, also a risk taker" and kisses Florence softly on her cheeks.
Florence smiles at the tenderness that her wife showed. "Well, she did really nail it, she looks like me." Florence stated amusingly at how her and her child are alike.
"Yes, you two are both alike, my lovely and wonderful girls" Y/N said and cuddled more into Florence's neck.
They are enjoying the quiet, not until they hear their fire alarm blaring because of the smoke that was coming out from their kitchen.
"SHIT I WAS COOKING" Florence got up from her position and almost throw her wife away from her to save her dish.
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#florence pugh x reader#florence pugh fluff#florence pugh imagine#florence pugh x y/n#florence pugh x you#florence pugh
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Happy weekend Fandom :) Per usual we have a few high content eps then the next is a little lower. Still a good ep to be had though. Seeing a softer side to Tim for Angela. What a good friendship they have. And the continued reasons to dislike Lucy’s parents so much. I go off on her mom so be prepared. They spend this episode apart which always makes me sad. But it’s a great episode regardless. Let’s get this started.
3x10 Man Of Honor
We start off the ep with some flashbacks to the academy. At first I thought my clip was shaky, then I realized its Nolan's shoddy camera skills not mine LOL This is the one moment I wanted to highlight out of the academy shots. Lucy’s reason for becoming a cop. It’s prominent for later in this episode. Especially with her bloody mom….Her feeling adrift since college and not knowing where she belonged. That when she stepped into the LAPD It finally clicked.
Saying she didn’t feel the time she spent before this was a wasted effort. Which is amazing most people regret the wasted time. To me I agree with her. It’s that time before you find your thing that eventually leads you to it. That need to want to protect others from harm as part of her reason. Fantastic and very Lucy. I do love her finding her place as a cop. It’s why she fights tooth and nail at everything she does with this job. What Tim saw in her from day one. That fire and drive to succeed. Love our girl.
The scene in roll call is hilarious. Jackson’s dad told him when he got P2 he got bottle of whiskey. That he was called up to the front and given this. They are both operating under this assumption when Grey mentions them. It’s too damn funny. I love their friendship so much. It truly one of the best parts of this episode. Jackson gets tongue tied so Lucy steps in for them both. Telling Grey it's their first day as P2's all exicited.
He asks them if they want flowers? Cupcakes? It's why Grey asks Lucy what the reward is for making P2 above. They’re insanely embarrassed by the time Grey is done with them. They get to ride together which is the highlight after all that. It’s so weird to have roll call without Tim there though. I feel his absence but I guess even T.O.’s get days off. Boo.
We catch Jackson and Lucy in their shop. Jackson keeps getting ‘Congratulations’ texts from his family. You can see the slight jealously on Lucy’s face. I totally get it. For the most part I relate to Tim. When it comes to poopy unsupportive parents I'm right there with Lucy. She and I are alike where I too have tried on a lot of hats. Just trying to find myself as well. My parents being judgy unsupportive jerks the entire way.
Lucy has finally found what her calling is and just wants her parents to be proud of her. Makes me wanna cry just writing that out. Because even when you don’t have good relationship, there is still a part of you craves that approval. When really is should be the other way around. They should be vying to be in your life.
Jackson invites her to his family tradition dinner. So sweet he really takes care of her so much. Lucy declines because her parents are supposed to come over for dinner. She thinks they’re finally coming around to her being a cop. Jackson is so excited for her and says that’s great. I love this scene. They’re so excited to be riding together it’s adorable. Getting to use ac and listen to music haha It's precious.
We cut to Tim on his day off. Yelling at Kojo to move when he’s given up on their walk LOL It's the way Tim whines at Kojo that makes me laugh so hard. Kojo refusing to get up even though they are close to the house. That dog clearly runs that relationship and it makes me giddy to no end. I adore any scene we get with Tim and his dog. Ovary explosion for me. I’m a huge animal lover. To have a dog and Tim in a scene? Phew lord. Gimme. Tim gets a text from Angela saying she needs him ASAP. He finally gets Kojo to move by asking him if he wants a steak? Lmao Spoiled Fur-baby.
Tim gets to the address and it’s a wedding dress shop. He enters hesitantly wondering what is going on... He asks the employee where she is? They tell him she is currently in the changing suite. She’s gone through half their tissue supply. Aww poor thing. Tim sighs and makes his way to her. Once inside asks what’s wrong? Is she going into labor? Lmao No love. Nothing like that. He is straight with her when she asks if she looks fat. I love how he tells her like it is while also being sweet about it. The Tim Bradford special. Telling her who cares what her stupid friend thinks. If she's not ashamed of her baby bump then screw everyone else.
Angela is still upset she can’t hide her belly in her dress. Then we get to see protective/supportive Tim come out. Mmm one of my fav flavors. Asking her ’Who said you have to hide your belly?’ Angela tells him her bridesmaids did. The dress she’s in was supposed to camouflage it the best and its not doing that.
I adore him building her up when she’s down. Look at him taking the skills he learned from Lucy. Using them in this scenario. I love it sfm. Tells her to show off her baby belly. To be proud not ashamed. To wear what she feels confident in. Ugh my heart Timothy. He’s doing exactly what she needed. This is why she texted him. To be that emotional support friend. Her face says it all in that gif above.
What I love about this scene we get to see another side of him. Not just work Tim. A supportive and thoughtful friend. If Lucy could see him right now she would be dying haha He asks her what her dream dress is? Angela tells him what she wants. He says he’ll go get the dress lady and they’ll start there.
I love this man so much. It’s insane. She looks so at ease and taken care by the end of their scene. What a good bestie does. Can only hope we can have scenes like this when Tim marries Lucy. Angela helping him out but giving him crap in a loving way baha Good man right here. Already loved him before this but this only adds to it. Like a sundae that was already delicious and adding on more yummy toppings. Only makes it even better.
Angela is trying on more dresses. Tim asking her if she’s doing ok? I’m loving this soft version of Tim. If he’s this sweet and supportive with Angela. Can only imagine how he would be with Lucy and their plans when they get there. Angela says hard to get dress on over her bowling ball. Naww Tim’s face when she finally comes out is so cute. Once again all I can think of is his face when he sees Lucy in hers someday. I'm sorry I can’t help it LOL My brain is wired to go there now with them together.
Tells her ‘Whoa.’ building up her confidence even more. It’s so sweet. Angela agrees it’s perfect and thanks Tim for doing this with her. He does the sweetest smirk and lets her know ‘Of course’. A crash interrupts their little moment. Two ladies are fighting over a dress. Tim and Angela come out to see the fight. The dress lady says she’s called the police. Not to worry. Tim starts to film it in case they need it for evidence.
Then his future wife and her bestie show up on the scene. Tim couldn’t be more delighted to watch her and Jackson handle this. Lucy is distracted the minute they enter the scene. Tim Is in a dress shop for one and two with Angela. Her reaction couldn’t be more pure and adorable. Asking if he’s there to help her pick out a dress? Just the thought of it is making her so happy and proud of him. The immediate joy on her face.
The thought of him doing this makes Lucy so damn giddy. Jackson doesn’t have time for her work flirt and goes after the suspects LOL Tim’s reply is classic Tim. God forbid she get to see another soft side of him. Which is exactly why she’s so giddy BTW. Tim replying to her question 'All he’s doing right now is watching her not do her job.' Ha God Tim you could’ve at least said hello. She gets nervous and side steps before helping Jackson. It's adorable. She's totally lost her place in her excitement and is clearly distracted by it.
The more the situation escalates the more Tim and Angela enjoy themselves. Angela commenting ‘They grow up so fast don’t they?’ One of them tries to take off with the dress. Tim helps Lucy out cause he can’t help himself. Sticks out his leg tripping the suspect. He could not be enjoying himself more if he tried. Just being a proud hubby filming her arrest and making comments along the way hehe Lucy's face while he does this. She is not amused at all. I’m cracking up. God I love these two idiots so much. Act more married please. You are fooling no one.
Her dinner will her parents Or really parent has arrived. Lucy being a wonderful daughter her mother doesn’t deserve. She's made lotus root soup which is her favorite for their evening Trying to curry favor with her before their dinner even begins. I get it. Her mom shows up solo…. Congratulates Jackson before he leaves. She is nicer and more of a supportive parent to Jackson than her own daughter… ugh been there…Lucy asks her where her father is?
Her mom says off handedly like it’s no big deal he’s at his book club. Like this dinner meant nothing to him. Her face kills me. Trying to just shake off the hurt. Melissa crushes this scene btw. My heart breaks for her over and over. Lucy continues to brush it off and say they can have a girls night to celebrate then. Her mom drops the hammer very early. Doesn’t even try to pretend to be happy about her graduating to P2. Says she isn't there to celebrate.
Saying how they need to talk about this whole police thing. Like it’s just been some random hobby the last year or so for her. Even gives a sarcastic 'Brava.' Like she didn’t almost friggin die from this 'hobby' last year. Telling her to do something meaningful with her life. To get a real profession. The emotional abuse happening in this scene hurts to watch. It gets under my skin as the hits keep coming. Basically saying what she’s doing doesn’t mean anything. Once again Melissa is wonderful in this scene. Watching how it slowly escalates and her body language through out. Trying to take what her mother is telling her and not let it affect her. It works for a little bit but not long...
States she wants Lucy to do something she’s proud of. One of the rudest things to tear your child down with. To only think of yourself and how their decisions make YOU look. Pisses me off so much. Just because my parents are the same damn way. To only think of themselves and not of their child. Such a narcissistic way to view Lucy and what she’s done with her life. How her career embarrasses them and they'd prefer her to just leave the last year or so behind. Just because it doesn't puff them up around their friends.
My parent's are obsessed with status as well. If I'm not using my degree (which I only got for them BTW) for a job it's not something to be proud of. Even though the job I currently have gives me independence to live on my own with no roommates (which is not cheap these days), pay all my own bills, and take care of me and my dogs with no help. But since it's not what they consider a profession to be proud of they aren't proud of me. So I relate painfully so to Lucy in this scene. Also the school thing such a boomer answer. My parent's are the same way.
To think school is the only answer to everything. That obsession with status and only wanting your kids to do their approved career choices. What makes them look good and smell good in front their social circle. Instead of thinking hey my kid is happy, they’re providing for themselves, they love what they do. They’re independent. No they only think how it negatively impacts them. I'm so mad for Lucy because I’ve lived this. The heartbreaking way she asks ‘Can’t you just support me?' Thinking why is this such a big ask?
This is why the support she gets from Tim is EVERYTHING to her. Why she lives and breathes for it. When you’re torn down your entire life it’s hard to have self esteem. Hard to believe you’ll ever be good at something. Even if you are you don't truly believe you are until someone tells you repeatedly. Emotional abuse growing up leaves lasting scars. You can see where it all stems from for Lucy in this one scene with her mother.
Her mom goes on to tell her to find a career that really helps people. Like a doctor. Uh she has. You just don’t like it. Says she doesn't mean to be blunt, but really she does. If her mom would take her head out of her ass for two seconds. She would see Lucy already has all the things she’s harping on her to achieve. I want to hug Lucy so much while her mom berates her. Giving me flashbacks to my own mother. The pot shots leave wounds that are hard to heal.
The way she says ‘They'll always love her but’ and there’s the emotional manipulation. Basically saying our love has a price tag and that tag is the job of OUR choice. Not the one that makes you happy but the one that is socially acceptable for them. The way she cringes and moves away from her mother's touch. Knowing it’s manipulative. Hurts my soul to watch. Last thing she wants right now is fake affection.
I do need to commend her for having the backbone to tell her mom to give her space. I've never had the guts to stand up to my mom. I just avoid her like the plague these days. Rarely interact with her. Easy when she lives on the other side of the country. All the way in Alaska and can stay there. So huge props to Lucy for being overwhelmed and setting a boundary in this moment.
That if she’s done expressing what a disappointment she is that she can just leave. Her mom doesn’t fight her in the least really. She does a little stomp trying to exude some power over her. It doesn't work. Then Lucy yells at her to go and she finally takes off. Phew. Hard scene to watch. The shot that pans out of Lucy is a great one but a heartbreaking one. Makes me so emotional to watch this scene. This scene resonates with me so much in the worst way. I wanna hug her so badly in that last gif. Wishing Jackson was there to do it for me.
The cuteness continues for Tim and Angela while they taste test cakes. This is a much needed contrast to Lucy's SL atm. Angela sighs and says this is stupid. That no matter what she picks Patrice will overrule her. Tim is sitting there all arms crossed. Has become one of my fav poses for him. Yum Tum. Says all authoritatively ‘Don’t let her.’
What I’m loving about theses scenes is we’re getting background on Tim. Which I always love getting. Why am I not surprised his dad got drunk and ruined his wedding? That his whole family seems like one giant disaster zone? (Other than Genny) I love him taking his past experience to help guide Angela with her wedding. Such growth. Saying a million things like what his wedding had you can’t control. But this she can. So to pick what she really wants.
Angela says she wants a Tres Leches cake, but Patrice will think it's too ethnic. SMH ..Tim goes into protect mode once again. I love it sfm. Letting her know ‘Screw Patrice. If she has a problem with Tres leches or anything else for that matter she can answer to him.’ Side note anytime Eric says any Spanish word I wanna climb him like a tree. He says it with the right inflection and it’s sexy af. You know he learned all that from his wife and I love it. Feral Caitlin will cool down now but hot damn. Protective Tim and a slight accent with a Spanish word? Lord help me. Also in the black hoodie? He’s trying to kill me.
Angela replies really? Tim nods his head and says 'Hell yeah.' Then proposes to him with a cookie to be her man of honor baha I love this episode for them. He tells man of honor isn’t a thing...She says yes it is. Lets him know he’s only person who’s made her feel sane. That she needs him to get through this wedding. He caves and says fine hehe Angela tells him his first duty is to fire her current made of honor Gretchen LMAO His reply ‘What?! ‘ I’m rolling. I love this man so much.
We catch Lucy and Jackson at the station next day getting their war bags loaded. Lucy saying he got in late must’ve had a good time. He shows her the necklace they gave him. St. Michael. Patron saint of cops. Lucy looks jealous and asks if his parents will adopt her? Jackson immediately sensing something is wrong. He asks if she had trouble with her folks? Picking up on Tim’s habit of being a lying liar who lies. She isn’t truthful with him and he can see right through it. The concern written all over his face.
Angela invites Gretchen to the station to be fired by Tim. It’s too funny. Tim asks why she can’t fire her? She says she’s working a case and has to go. Tim calls her a coward when he see’s Gretchen arrive lol. Another fun piece of history for Tim. He was at Angela’s nieces quinceanera. It’s how he introduces himself to Gretchen seeing as they met there before. Love them being close enough friends for him to attend that.
Gretchen is legit eyeing him the entire scene. Her eyes checking him out up and down. Can’t blame her look at the man. He is a sight to behold. Low key hits on him asking him if wants to make a little extra cash as the stripper? LMAO Too bad Lucy isn’t around to see this interaction. He always gets so flustered when someone does. I swear he doesn’t know the gorgeous creature he is when they do this.
Tim tells her she’s been fired from MOH. His cute little look when he says Angela picked him to be her man of honor. He’s happy to do it for her but doesn’t want anyone to hear it....lol You think she’s gonna be mad. Nope just relieved. Telling Tim it’s been a nightmare. Pulls out this massive book of ‘Patrice’s picks’ and the anti-anxiety meds that come with it. My god. Also the phone just for wedding needs. Tim’s face is hilarious he looks so very overwhelmed.
Lucy and Jackson get to end their day on a high note. They were able to link up with Nolan/Harper on their OP. Rescued a little girl and got her safely back to her mom. This scene is so validating for Lucy. Reminding her despite what her parents think this is her calling. That this is the right path for her and she’s helping people like she wanted to. May not be the way her parents approve but she is. Grey telling them that little girl wouldn't be here without their hard work. They're being put up for an award too from Grey as well. That is the icing on the cake for her in this scene. She needed this after that horrible fight with her mother.
We find Tim and Angela on the rooftop walking toward something. She asks him what he’s doing? He tells her ‘Being your man of honor.’ They walk up to a trashcan that has the 'Patrice picks' book in it. He tells her he has one job. Give her the wedding she wants. He douses it all in the lighter fluid. Hands her the lighter and asks if she cares to do the honors? Then Angela praises him and calls him amazing.
He could not be cuter when she says this to him. Being Tim he deflects it with sarcasm saying ‘All the time.’ Ha! It’s much different than the smile we get out of him in 5x13 when Lucy calls him amazing. But it is different when the love of your life calls you that vs your bestie. Still I love this for him. The Patrice phone rings and Angela tosses it in the fire. Tim has them step back cause the battery in it is gonna explode LOL Such a damn cute episode for Tim I can not stand it.
Best part of the episode for Lucy is this next scene. I love Jackson so very much for his loyal and loving friendship. Also for how he handles this whole thing. Knowing something is off with her. He called her mom and was told what her mom said. Tells Lucy he told her mom if she didn’t apologize to her she wasn’t going to set foot in their apartment again. Such a good friend. That’s a true blue bestie right there.
Then he follows it up with something even sweeter. Handing her a jewelry case saying this was from the West family. To remind her there are people out there who are proud of her. Proud of what she’s accomplished. I’m melting this is so damn sweet. I might get a cavity. He helps her put it on. Then tells her he’s taking her to dinner. For baseball steaks. She asks if they can do sushi instead? LOL Jackson easily concedes and says ‘Deal.’ He'll do whatever she wants.
Jackson takes care of Lucy so well. Filling that role until Tim is ready to step in and take his place. He would’ve been SO SO happy for her and Tim. To see Lucy be taken care of and treated like a Queen. Which she so very much deserves. To see her properly loved and happy. Makes me emotional thinking he’ll never get to see how happy Tim has made her.
Such a good episode even though Chenford were apart their SL’s separately were so good. What makes them so great. Can have amazing SL’s even when apart. Although I prefer them together heh.
Side notes-Non chenford
Getting to see Capt Anderson in their graduation flash back. My heart. I miss her.
The flashbacks to them at school were every cute. Lucy kicking ass in their combat classes. Of course she did. Nolan even commenting 'Think twice before taking on recruit Chen’ Obviously.
Nolan had a SL but I didn’t care about it until it involved Jackson and Lucy 😂
Thank you as always to those to like, comment, reblog and support these reviews. They’ve helped me a lot getting through this extended hiatus. I hope they’ve been helping you all as well. Shall see you in 3x11 :)
#Caitlin Rewatches The Rookie#chenford#chenford hiatus#waiting on s6#fall rewatch#s3#3x10 Man Of Honor#the rookie 3x10#otp: doing my job#otp: you know me so well. too well.#otp: you did good#tim x lucy#tim bradford#lucy chen#the rookie#lucy x tim#eric winter#melissa o'neil#tim bradford x lucy chen#otp: some things matter more.
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okay, today was fine but also kinda blah with everything going on in the world today. I woke up at 2 and had some work stuff to take care of, namely our yearly "self-assessment" which is always a pain to fill out, but whatever it's fine. so I got that done, and after a bit I went out with my sister to get our nails done. she had called the place and they told her to come in at 6, since she wants a lot special acrylic thing, so that's what we did, but they ended up still telling us they were too busy and to come back tomorrow, which was a little annoying but oh well. from there we went to target to get some things for my sister's friend's baby shower tomorrow, which was a lot of fun because I love looking at baby clothing, it's just so tiny and precious, it makes me happy lol so I enjoyed that. Went home after that and we ordered pizza for dinner, all good. for the night we ended up watching a few episodes of cutthroat kitchen, which is of course always entertaining. my mom was out at a banquet at the church, and she eventually came home. my brother and I ended up getting into somewhat of a fight about roe being overturned and it really just pissed me off because as is typical for him he was being a total jackass, and it really just made me upset for the rest of the night, so that kinda put a damper on things. And yeah, eventually I showered and got ready for bed, and now I'm here and definitely ready for bed, so I'm going to do that now. Goodnight friends. Happy weekend.
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4/18 - on my way to work a goose was walking towards me in the middle of the road. asshole. I spent the morning immediately ravelling and watching YouTube, then we had a safety meeting but T let me skip it cause I had a ton of work. they talked about s's goose fight, she had to get 7 stitches in her head. holy shit. talked to T afterwards about it and turns out she was also pregnant. id quit too. G needed help with a shipment but actually he didn't and we ended up just talking about his car and how shein is taking advantage of duty loopholes and we're tryna go to court to stop em. ravelled all day. watched this anime called zombie Land Saga, it's cute. thought about trans stuff. I'm tired lmao. had lunch w mom, poke, talked about her real estate stuff and how my dad is an asshole and her allergy shots and aunt K's business that she let fall apart and B and how he backpacked Europe when she had me and she gave me a red velvet crumble cookie and a chocolate chip one for K. and I tried this maple cake one she had and it was delicious. when she left the goose wranglers showed up and I headed in and mom sat in the parking lot watching her while D and I stood in the stairwell watching as well and talking about suba and why they use border collies and then M rolled up and joined us and told us he had a one legged deer in his yard and I said "one leg????" and he meant 3 but that shit is hilarious. just a deer hopping around. or dragging itself. that's terrifying. spent the rest of the afternoon ravelling and watching that anime, got most of it done, oh yeah this morning I figured out this thing that my phone has been doing for months where I can't make or receive calls. finally sorted that. hopefully for good. came home, shaved, did my makeup, looked cute, worked on homework, watched a supereyepatchwolf vid about fake games, got a unit done, made poblano tacos, smoked, chainsaw man, dark souls, beeeeeeed. I felt really sad most of the day about just, trans stuff lol. enough of that for now.
4/19 - slept good, woke up awake, work was chill. spent all day pretty much ravelling and watching YouTube vids, some vids about trans manga, bought the flashlight M showed us at S's bachelor party in fuckin 2019, had it on the list forever lmao. can't wait. planned more of the trip with the cousins, went to Wawa on lunch for soda and zyn and a banana. fuck it, zyn every once in a while. I'm gonna have to quit eventually if I wanna transition, so I'ma enjoy it til then. calculated my net worth, did my time card, finished up stretch testing before I left. oh yeah I made a new insta. it'll be my main insta eventually, probably. I really like the name Elyse, and I like the portamenteau (redacted), so I made that the name and it'll probably be my artist name as well. blocked everyone I could think of, still private for now tho. ran in (redacted) after work for 40 minutes and got rained on, came home and showered, shaved, booster, makeup. talked to K about Taylor swifts new album. also a dude set himself on fire outside the trump trial. goth makeup, talked to K about makeup tips, worked on homework til 10. texted Dad about the pool and his new grill, guess he misses me he was blowing me up. mixed feelings. texted A about finances and she got a second job waiting tables, that's kewl. K ordered red robin earlier so I'ma eat and then play dark souls.
4/22 - decent weekend. painted my nails. spent the rest of Friday playing dark souls and watching YouTube vids, one about conservative comedy by Big Joel, another about the apple vision pro and how it's some black mirror shit, obv. stayed up too late. Saturday up around 1030, played balatro and watched YouTube, eventually got packed up and rolled out to band at noon. we got the basement room, I brought my laptop and some shit to record, Jonathan gave me a lil interface to use and I got a decent recording of all of our songs with placeholder vocals. solid practice. we're planning on covering sweet leaf by black sabbath so we worked on that a little as well but I need to actually learn the song. rolled out at 4, headed home, K was out with S and S so I worked on music for a bit before fucking myself in the bedroom, then like, it was 4/20 so I got mad high all night and made music and played dark souls. I don't remember how the rest of the night went. I watched Conan on hot ones tho and started watching his travel show. downloaded some plugins for Ableton, tried to soothe my sore ass neck. years ago this YouTuber I used to watch, Joe goes, came out of hiatus to make a video saying hey, I transitioned, I'm lily now. and at the time I was like, good for her ya know. rewatched it Saturday night, I don't know how that shit didn't crack my egg. like so much of it rung true to me. anyways. was up til like 230.
Sunday got up around 10, ate, watched YouTube and caught up on the chainsaw man manga. watched chappell rone's tiny desk concert and it fucking blew me away, she's incredible. played more balatro, eventually got working on homework, laundry, etc. shaved, did my makeup but like, lightly. went on a run at fair hill, in makeup, nails painted, did 4 miles and felt like, amazing. I mean the run was good but going out like that, I was really proud of myself. so minor tho. but then I went to Wawa for zyn and was kinda terrified but I did it. it's a step. gotta stop the zyn tho. anyways. came home, stretched, showered, worked on music a bit, more homework til I finished a unit, made a lil insta vid of the beat I was working on and then chilled and ate and smoked and played dark souls til bed around 11, which went poorly because I ruined my sleep schedule again.
it's Monday now, frazzled brain, watched a video about negative space and left a long comment, texted M about disco Elysium and we talked about Hades. talked to N about orthodontics. K is going to the derm later. made an Amazon cart with camping stuff, ran growth, played balatro, read too much reddit, thought about trans ness as per usual. that vid from yesterday did better than any other vid I've put on tiktok, so that's sick. one of those days where I can't keep up with my brain so I'm just along for the ride, I'm also physically exhausted from the run, trails are brutal. K and I are doing good, like, nothing has improved as far as, like, everything, but our conversations have been nice. and it's nice watching a show with her again. she's been really helpful with makeup info and style advice. idk, things have just been more pleasant.
the mantra has been "be nice to yourself" and it's gone a long way, I think. like before on days like today I'd be like "dumbass, you smoked too much and didn't sleep and now the day is ruined and you feel crazy. you're fucking up, yada yada". but now I'm like, fuck, I'm human. I did a lot this weekend. I'm kinda crushing it. I'm also like, on the daily, realizing how uncomfortable I am and have been in my body and starting to piece together reasons for my anxieties and behaviors. and the fact that I've managed to pull my shit together so well despite constantly teetering on the edge of depression and fighting the urge to flee from sobriety, like, I'm proud of myself. and I've done 39 credits this semester, you go girl. I'm mad nervous about the idea of medically transitioning, like at some angles I see a girl in the mirror but I'm nowhere near passible when dolled up. hair will help for sure, but like, I don't know. but if HRT helps my mental and I just end up looking like a feminine guy with boobs, I think I'm okay with that. as long as I feel better. and if not, I just stop before the boobs lmao. anyways, this accounting class is kicking my ass. I'll get it, but it's a lot of ratios and CVP analysis and it's breaking my brain. I'm gonna take this afternoon to get some cleaning done and maybe work on music, just chill out and get back to it tomorrow. gonna talk to D tomorrow and maybe plan the trip, been debating coming out to him, we'll see. the guy from that band hit me up with more songs and I feel bad but I gotta bail out of that, I definitely don't have time to be in another band, especially one where I'm not even in the band, I'm just free help.
oh yeah, I listened to some early 2010s dubstep Sunday, noisia, that shit slaps.
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Chapter 1
I hear him ignoring our toddler. I'm in the bathtub, where I go to escape every night at 5pm. It's the routine.
Today, we got into an argument over text. That used to be a daily occurrence, but it's rare now. I've given up on expressing my feelings. I've taken to only caring about myself.
February. I finish this coding boot camp in February and I'll be able to be financially dependent and get him out of here.
He slapped me in the face last weekend, after we had a house party with some friends. He says it's because he got too drunk. He's done it sober too. Regardless, there is no excuse.
At this point, I don't bring up how I feel mostly out of fear. It always escalates to that point now- to the point of physical abuse. I don't want my daughter to see it, that is my first and utmost priority. I also fear for my life. I have to come up for a plan for when I do finally kick him out. Do I have the cops here? Do I buy locks for all the windows? Do I change all the door knobs? Do I get a restraining order? I probably should.
I am busting my ass to finish these assignments. They want two a week...I'm pushing for four at a minimum. He's already told me he doesn't think I should get a job after I finish. I am hoping I find something that allows me to work remotely.
He's got music playing. The toddler is sick, I have had the humidifier going in there all day. All he has to do is watch her while I waste away in the bathtub. You'd think he would be able to tell, he'd be able to see how far gone I am, how close I am to losing it. I said to him today, over text, you're just not listening.
Anything I say, he just immediately gets defensive. It goes back to "Well remember ten years ago when you did that thing that hurt MY feelings? And I'm suddenly not allowed to hurt yours?" He can't just say sorry. He can't take accountability, he won't admit, "Yeah you're right, that was a fucked up thing of me to do," or "I haven't been the best partner lately."
I have been forcing myself to keep up with self-care and motherhood as a form of escapism. Skin care, nails, diet, excersise. I'm obese, but down 8 pounds since I've given up on fighting for this relationship. That was only a week ago. When he slapped me. For the last fucking time.
Amazing what happens when you cut off the dead weight in your life.
"Why haven't you left already?"
Well, because it simply isn't that easy. Financially, he's it. I'm a stay at home mom, he works. Luckily I signed up for this program in August and I'll be able to support myself once I graduate in February. That's only three months from now. That gives me time to formulate my escape route. The house is mine, it's family owned. Getting him out is the issue. I also genuinely do fear the anger I will face once I can really, truly get him out of here.
Oh yes, I've tried. I've kicked him out countless times. He won't leave. We had a motorhome, he wouldn't even go sleep in that even to give us both a break from the constant tension. I got rid of the motorhome recently, so I'm sort of out of luck there. Not that he'd stay in it anyway.
My plan for now is to just continue as I am. Walking on not only eggshells, but shards of glass until I'm able to support myself. The littlest things set this man off. I just stay silent. I keep the house clean, do my homework, do the laundry, do the childcare, do my job at her preschool as a classroom helper. I am so utterly exhausted. There is not much more that I can take.
I said to him today, "Will you ever do what I've been begging you for for eleven years? Why am I letting myself endure this?" And he had nothing to say. It's all my fault in his eyes. Not the fact that he's pushed me to this point.
At night, I fall asleep fantasizing that I'm sleeping by myself. In my own house, in my own bed. No man beside me. I never want to be in a relationship again.
I also fantasize that I live in a gated community, with security cameras and a safe room. I fantasize that I am safe from him. That I don't have to live in fear anymore. Someday, I won't have to jump out of my skin when he slams a door open or closed. Or worry about what damage he's doing to my belongings when he's throwing them across the house.
From the bathtub, I hear him clanking around dishes in the kitchen. I am not naive enough to believe he is cleaning. No, he's making himself some food because I finally stopped catering for him. He will leave me the dishes to do once I get out of here.
I tried not doing the dishes once. Let them pile up until there were none left in the house. He didn't touch them. He started washing one dish at a time. A single bowl and spoon if he wanted cereal- that was it.
I decided my child deserves a clean house more than I deserve a partner who helps out, so I surrendered that battle.
But I will win the war.
I am certain a fight is coming once I get out of the tub. After the text argument we had today, it's imminent. I just want to get out, clean the kitchen, and go to bed. The smell of ground beef wafts into the bathroom. Yep, he made some food. I'll be doing dishes.
I've been dealing with a sick toddler all day. She didn't sleep last night, she's been grumpy and had several tantrums today, but I still managed to get two assignments done. I didn't get much cleaning done. I was hoping the house wouldn't be completely trashed after my bath but as usual that was wishful thinking.
He wasn't always like this. Or maybe he was, but he hid it shockingly well. He was physically abusive to me when we were teenagers, but I guess I thought he'd just grow out of that. I should've left as soon as I started seeing signs, but I didn't.
The only positive thing I've gotten out of this relationship is my daughter.
The positives he's gotten? A house with no rent, a job, a beautiful child, a live in maid, free laundry service, free childcare, you name it he's got it. I take care of his budgeting, his bills, his grocery shopping. That man doesn't have to do anything other than go to work. He has one chore: take the garbage cans to the curb on Friday mornings. Half the time, he "forgets" to do that so I end up doing that too. Oh, and close the gate when he leaves for work. He doesn't do that either. Then I get in trouble by my grandma, who owns this house and lives across the street from us and gets really agitated when the gate is left open.
I wrote his resume for this job after he got fired from his last one, which I also got for him. I coached him for his interview. I filled out and certified his benefits for unemployment when he was fired. I applied for each job he interviewed for. I did his cover letters, answered follow up emails, et cetera. I truly do not know where he'd be without me. He'd honestly probably just have found someone as gullible as I was to do it all for him as well.
He calls in sick often too. Then my day gets ruined, because I don't want him here. The house ends up a complete disaster, I have to be silent, I can't even exist. This is also the reason he was fired from his previous job, and I'd like to prevent that from happening again. So, we fight every time he calls in.
He's a grown ass adult with a family. You'd think by now he'd have some semblance of responsibility. But I think he just sees us as a burden.
I get out of the bathtub finally. The toddler is off to bed, after a kiss and a dose of Tylenol. The TV is paused on whatever video game he was playing while he wasn't paying attention to our child, and the kitchen is a disaster as I predicted.
I wonder if he'll realize what he's losing when I am gone. Or if it'll be like a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders. I turn on my computer. I fill a bowl with ice cream, and top it off with blackberries. I am not doing the dishes tonight. Tonight, I am not cleaning his mess. I can pretend I am my own person, just for one night. For one night, the kitchen can stay a mess.
I do this, every so often. I tell people I get up at five sometimes so that I can have coffee early, or exercise before the toddler wakes up, which is sometimes true. But mostly it's to do the dishes I left from the night before. To clean up whatever mess he left me. So that my child can wake up to a clean house, with breakfast ready. That is, if he doesn't call in sick.
The door slams open. God, here he comes. The fight is coming, I'm doomed. Please just leave me alone. Play your video games and ignore me. Sit outside and smoke weed and ignore me. Please. I can't hear another "shut up bitch" or "fuck you". The images of him flipping me off with hatred in his eyes are burned into my mind. I can't believe how much I loved this man. Still would, if he wasn't like this.
I don't think I love him anymore, because I don't cry. I used to. For days. Until my eyes were so swollen I couldn't see. Now, I try to and I can't. I'll shed a few tears, maybe. I know my feelings are hurt. I know that I have been a sobbing mess on the floor over this same old shit, 100 times before. But I guess you can only cry over the same exact hurt so many times, before your brain decides to stop allowing you to feel it so intensely. He definitely doesn't cry.
His video game unpauses. I guess he isn't coming after me yet. Or he's giving me the silent treatment, which used to pierce me to my core. He knows that, that's why he does it. Now it's just a relief. I guess he hasn't caught on to that yet. Once I stop caring about things, he finds other ways to hurt me. I've never stopped caring like this, though. I've never been so apathetic. I truly do not care what this man does anymore. Good luck hurting me now. Oh, you're giving me the silent treatment? Oh gosh, I'm simply devastated. Now I'll have to sit in my bedroom with my cats, eating ice cream and playing my own video games, free from your abuse. Poor me! I'll act extra sad, he'll be ecstatic.
If someone shows you who they are early on in a relationship, believe them. If you take nothing else from this, just remember those words. I can't say I regret all of it because without it I wouldn't have my child, but I wish I'd had her with someone who gave a single shit about me. Believe red flags. Be picky. Don't settle. You'll probably get slut shamed, but at least you won't be getting hit or be called a bitch every time you say "Hey, you hurt my feelings." At least you won't be trapped with no escape.
That's another one. If you're a stay at home parent, have a getaway plan. I have tried, and nothing has worked. I tried telling my mom, once. I sent her photos of the bruises. She said, "all men are like that after they have babies." I never spoke to her about it again. This was also all happening prior to babies, but she was correct that abuse tends to worsen after children. She was incredibly off the mark with her comment, and I now know where I stand as a person in her eyes. She would never take me or my daughter in.
My dad is a drunk living in a motorhome, you do the math for that one. He also loves my boyfriend. Most people do. He's very good at being fake around others. Puts on a great show.
Other family? Not a chance.
I have one best friend who said she would help me if she could, but she's in a studio apartment with her boyfriend. No room for me plus a kid.
Long story short, I'm trapped. Don't let yourself get there. Don't be like me. If you can get out, do it.
The door slams open again. I jump. It doesn't phase him. He isn't even the least bit concerned that his presence terrifies me.
He's going to bed, he says. That means I can either get out of the room or go to bed too. I live on his time. I decide to go ahead and go to sleep, since I'm getting up early tomorrow. I get up to make sure all the cats are inside, and make sure all the doors are locked. All things he could've done if he had wanted to. I glance at the dishes. Still piled up next to the sink.
I go to sleep.
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Chapter 1: Waking Up
I never thought I would need to worry about sleep as an adult. You begin to think about all the times you took advantage of sleeping in or going to sleep during your bedtime. I remember when it was time to go to bed, fighting every drop of sleep in me.
As a kid, I could not help but be energetic, thinking about how I would race to my room to lie down in bed. I was getting all warm under the blankets before my parents came in to tell me 'goodnight' and give me a kiss on the forehead. It is crazy to think how long ago it seems, but in reality, it was barely two years ago.
I still remember the smell of my dad's suit jacket and how he always smelled of his manly musk; that was so comforting. He would kiss my forehead twice and smile with his soft face before getting up and being replaced with my mom. She smelled sweet and would wear a perfume that always had strawberry as the strongest note resonating off of her. She would lay with me for a bit, and this would give us the opportunity to talk, and I never enjoyed it.
Dad would always smile and leave before Mom would get even more comfortable, almost squishing me completely. It wasn't that I didn't love being with my mom. I did. Just, sometimes, I wish she wouldn't treat me like a baby. She would pull me close to her warm chest and begin brushing her hands through my hair.
"So, how is school going?" She would always begin with this, and I never knew what she would expect me to say. Um, it's going well, I learn. It was always so weird, but this time was no different, and it should have been.
"Mom, it's always going to be the same. I just learn and see my friends." I sighed and tried to pull away from her grip a bit. I always wanted the opportunity to look her in the eye. To talk with her face to face instead of always feeling like a baby to her. She just held on to me, though, and kissed the top of my head.
"So, there are no boys yet, then?" She chuckled a little at this comment, and I had to roll my eyes.
"Mom, you know not everyone goes to school thinking about boys," I told her before breaking her grip and moving slightly away from her.
"I know, but I think that when it does come to boys, I just help you make the right decisions." She smiled and took my hand. "It always will sound weird because I'm supposed to be your mother, but trust me when I say I'm only looking out for you." She kissed the back of my hand and patted it twice.
"I know, I know," I said, taking my hand from her grip before turning away from her a bit. "Why can't we talk about other things?" I asked. She always takes control of the conversation, and I just wanted one chance.
"Fine, what is it that you want to talk about? Should we go shopping and talk more? What about getting our nails done and talking?" She turned her body towards me and began thinking aloud. "My schedule is a little busy this Thursday, but I can take an early weekend for you. We can play hookey on Friday and talk. What do you think?" Her eyes landed on me, and I knew she wouldn't get it. She didn't understand that I just wanted to talk to her sometimes and not be doing anything else. Why is it like making a doctor's appointment?
"What about right now? Can we just talk?" I looked away and tried lowering my voice a little, but I knew the answer before she could even say it. I started to let my brain begin to play the same thing I heard every night, and as she began speaking, I couldn't help myself.
"I know-" I can't help it.
"Actually, can you just leave? I think I'm just really tired tonight." I interrupted her, and I didn't know just how much the look on her face would haunt me. I didn't know what she was feeling. I didn't know what was going to happen. And I didn't know that I would regret seeing her get up with that fake smile I knew she only made for me. I watched her get up and kiss her hand. I felt that hand touch the top of my head, and I would look into her eyes, which looked at me concerned. I would say nothing as she walked away to the door of the room.
Why did I watch her open the door and walk out? Why did I not call her back and try to talk with her? Why didn't I give her a hug? Why didn't I ask her to stay?
-
I remember when I heard the first noise, and I thought Daddy was working late again. I remember hearing you talk, and I did not know what to think. When I first heard the sounds, I just lay there because I knew you didn't mean to wake me up. I should have waited for you to come and check on me like you always would.
It wasn't unusual for you and Daddy to talk late at night; I know it was part of his job to work when he needed to. I didn't think about how much you two definitely tried to make things normal for me. I knew you would pressure him to spend a couple of minutes with me every night so that I could feel your love. I knew you would spend all day cleaning and making sure everything ran smoothly at home while working on your career.
The only thing that I can remember about that day is how stressed I had been. At school, we had to choose our career path, and I could not pick a path. I knew what I wanted, but how would I have known if it was the right choice? I wanted to ask you how you choose what you want in life. How was I supposed to make such a big choice like that?
The teacher even looked at me like I was pitiful, and I knew you guys would look at me even worse. I could hear all my friends and peers share their dreams and careers with each other, and I couldn't even write down one choice. I should have taken that opportunity, but I let it go to waste. I let that night pass by, and I paid no attention to anything. I didn't wait for you to check in on me. I didn't get up and go to the bathroom randomly. I didn't even open my eyes.
-
The thought of seeing her face leave my room played over and over again in my brain. I could feel the pressure against my arms and the pain that would soon follow. I need to get out, I need to get help, I need to get up. The pain keeps growing intense, and I wince at the thought of what feels like a needle pressing into multiple places in my arms. I move, but it hurts the more I try to break away from the pain. Why won't this stop? Why can't it stop? I just want it to-.
"Stop!" I hear my scream come through my ears, and I open my eyes as I lurch forward unsuccessfully.
"I've got you. I've got you." I watch as my vision settles on a small face, and it's looking down at me with small eyes. "You were dreaming. I got you." His warm hands slide from the middle of my arms to my shoulders.
"Tae, what are you doing?" I could hear my own voice cutting in and out. I slide up from beneath his grasp to sit up and look at his face.
"Well, I heard you mumbling, and I got a little worried." His hands dropped from my shoulders as he moved from over me to the foot of the bed. "My mom brought me some Kimchi and my cake. I wanted to see if you wanted to come over, but then I heard you, so I had to check on you." I could see his look of concern, and I knew he would take it out of proportion.
"Oh, well, thanks." I sat up straighter, pushing my hair back as I tried to examine my environment as normal. I tried to avoid eye contact with him, and I'm sure he felt the same.
"What were you dreaming about anyways?" He asked, brushing off everything as he got up off the bed and began walking out of my room and into the living area. I could hear him sit on the bean bag that was there, and I took my chance to get out of bed.
"Nothing, just a little bug." I lied as I took the hair tie around my wrist and gave myself a little messy bun before walking out of the room myself. I walked past the living room area and went to the bathroom to begin getting ready. I looked at myself in the mirror before grabbing my toothbrush and applying the toothpaste to the bristles.
"Didn't sound like a bug." He muttered, and I peeked out of the bathroom to give him my sinister side eye, but he was not even paying attention to me.
"No one asked you what it sounded like. What is most important is why you are breaking into my apartment?" I applied my toothbrush to my teeth and began brushing as I waited for his answer. He looked back at me, and I got the opportunity to give him an annoyed look at how comfortable he had just made himself. His feet went up in the bean bag, and he began looking around for something before eventually giving up.
"You were the one who gave me the key." He chuckled before finally settling down and just groaning. "I just wanted to make sure you ate." He stood, and I could see him pass by the door and make his way into the kitchen.
"I gave you the key to let my mom in." I tried to push all the froth in my mouth so he could hear me articulate each word, but he looked at me confused. I quickly spat it out and placed my hand on my hip. "The key was for you to let my mom in, not you."
I was half annoyed, and he knew it, cutting his cheeky smile at me before pushing his hair back from his eyes. Honestly, I was comforted in the fact that he was there when I was waking up; it was nice to have someone calm me down for the time being. At the same time, he was getting annoying, always walking around me and pushing my tiny buttons. He had been this way for ten years, and I always thought he would grow out of it and mature. I thought back to when I first handed the key to him and how he was laughing and asking if this meant we could have sleepovers. I could not help but roll my eyes at the thought before washing my mouth out. As I finish trying to wash my face, all I can hear is his clattering of dishes.
"What are you doing?" I yelled at him as I dried my face and started walking towards the noise to see what he was doing.
"I am making you breakfast." He said, placing bowls on both of the mats and motioning for me to have a seat. "You don't have rice; lucky my mom made some fresh this morning!" He smiled before reaching into the bag he had brought in and was lying on my back counter.
"What did your mom pack this time?" I tried to peek, but he scolded me and took the whole bag.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" He stumbled past me before placing it on the floor and pulling things out like a magic show. He pulled out Kimchi, fish, seaweed soup, rice, and finally, bean sprouts. "Like what you see?" He asked as he began to open everything one by one.
"More like, what's the special occasion?" I said, catching the smell of the fish and soup. I took a deep smell, and he laughed at me.
"Special occasion? No special occasion; I actually just wanted some fish. She heard my voice on the phone, and she got all concerned. You know her, always concerned. She just told me that she was bringing me lunch and breakfast." He had taken everything out now and sat down at the table before he placed rice in my bowl.
"Thank you, eomma!" I said cheerfully before tussling his hair. "I'll make sure you get better." I took my utensils and began eating the fish right away. When the touch of the fish landed on my tongue, I could not help but gasp and savor the taste. "Mmmm," I closed my eyes and had to breathe the flavor into my body. His mom's homecooked meals were always comforting and delicious. She had always known how to cook anything; I guess that's why she did have her own little restaurant.
"That good?" He laughed and put the whole fish on my plate, revealing a smaller one underneath. "Here, eat more!" He smiled, and I had planned to. There will never be a time that I won't turn down a meal. I put my utensils down, picking up a spoon to taste some of the soup. It was just as delicious as the fish, and I loved how creamy it was. I couldn't help but squeal with delight.
"So good! Wow! How has she been?" I took another spoonful of the soup, and it was time for me just to eat. I got my utensils ready and began to eat the soup and fish, placing some kimchi on top of it before shoving it in my mouth.
"Much better than your relationship with bean sprouts." He laughed before putting some on top of my next spoonful of food. Ew. I looked up at him, and he just laughed more. "Just eat. She is doing well. You know, she has this casting party or something that is going on. She says that business has been well, but she's been busy." He said, and his head hung low as I could see he was starting to think about his mom.
"Hey, then why don't we help her?" I ask, chewing my food and letting the taste resonate over my tongue. "When is the casting party?"
"Tomorrow, I think? She has so many things, but I'm sure that was tomorrow." He placed his hand on his lip, thinking harder.
"Text me later the details, but now you eat so you can feel better. I can hear your voice cracking, too." I laughed and put some bean sprouts on his plate before pushing the soup close to him. "Don't forget to eat the soup; you need your strength for tomorrow." I smiled and watched him start eating before I continued.
I peeked up and watched him eat slowly, and all I could see was his small eyes dart from one food to another. He was always excited about food, and I could see that 11-year-old kid all over again, rushing to pour more and more food into his mouth. Only now, he was a 21-year-old kid who still swooned more over food, especially sweets. I smiled softly and began to finish my final bites before standing up. I carried my bowl to the sink and grabbed a couple of glasses of water, placing one in front of him as I began to drink the water.
-
I finally grabbed my bag, checking for my notebooks and pens before I let the door shut behind me. It felt like I had already experienced an entire day, but it was barely 8 a.m., and I still had to go to class. I fixed my skirt a final time before heading down the stairs and beginning my long trek. After having Tae over for the morning, it was nice to be able to think freely for myself finally. I opened my bag, lifting the top flap, and pulling my earphones out before placing them in each ear. Taking out my phone, I scroll through my list of books to read and begin playing the one that catches my eye the most.
"The Alaska Interior- April 27th, 1992. Greetings from Fairbanks!" The book Into The Wild began playing, and I couldn't help but stay attentive to every word being read. I listened and walked through the streets, thinking of myself walking to my dreams. One step closer, that's right, you are close, I thought to myself. I think to myself, I should be taking the chance to jump into my dreams. This trek has already been tedious, but I will get to my Alaskan dream before I know it, I'm sure!
"Hey!" I felt something slimy against my leg, and I looked down to see a brown poodle licking my leg. I couldn't help but flinch and look around to see the person attached to the leash and saw this tall guy laughing. I take the earphone from my right ear and take a step back to look at him. "Hey, don't you have better control over your dog?"
"Monggu always gives kisses in the morning." He said, his voice low and subtle. He called the dog over to him and began patting it. "Sorry."
"Yeah, maybe you should be." I huffed and walked past them, placing my earbud back in my ear. I just wanted to get the opportunity to be unbothered today; why can't I enjoy that? I continued my walk, passing by a coffee shop and seeing him and his dog just standing there. Doesn't he know how rude it is not to ask or even warn someone? I gave one more huff before he soon was out of my sight.
I just wanted today to be peaceful. I tried to collect my thoughts and listen to my book again.
"-They'll pick up a copy of Alaska magazine, thumb through it, get to thinking, 'Hey. I'm going to get on up there, live off the land, go claim me a piece of the good life." That sentence alone spoke volumes to me, someone who constantly looks at people in magazines, shows, music videos, and every other app on my phone. I often find myself getting carried away with the thoughts of wanting to be where they are. Watching as they go on extravagant trips, followed by fashion that they can afford to have and friends that they have made from that fame. Although being followed around would be tiresome, living peacefully sounds like a dream. That is the good life for me, living for myself and sharing that life with those who mean a lot to me. Although that list is short compared to others, maybe I can dream, can't I?
As I close in on the university building, I begin to amp myself up. Studying has never been my strong suit, but I very well will continue to try. That is all I can ever do. As a little kid, my parents always told me that the one thing no one can take from me is my knowledge. That I needed it more than most things in this life. As a boy, my father watched his parents give away every dime they ever had because neither of them knew how to read, count, or how things work in the real world. As he grew up, he watched loan sharks come and take every week from his parents, even when all that was left was for him. He did everything he could to help, but with no prevail, he would always be a young child who did not know enough to help.
The moment that my father was old enough to help, the loan sharks had already taken everything there was to take from his parents. They were left with no home, no money, and no respect for their name, and he vowed he would never let it happen again. He made sure that there was no way for that to happen by studying as hard as he could. He got acquainted and enjoyed studying law; that's why he was able to make such a good life for me. He knew from the beginning what he wanted to do, and I loved my dad for that. I only hoped to have his drive towards a future, but for now, it will be towards studying until I can find that passion.
Walking around on campus is always messy, consisting of friend groups that have always been together, couples littering the lawn, and everyone else who is just trying to get from point A to point B. I was the latter, just trying to get to my Humanities seminar before I could not find any seats. I had a full day ahead of me, and luckily, I never had a class on Friday. I was going to need every bit of rest I could get after today. As I made my way to the main building, I walked towards the vending machine, hoping to get a snack and drink for later. I noticed a small girl kicking at the window, begging for her items.
"Come on. I've been here for 10 minutes now." She breathed, and I could hear the despair in her voice as she crumbled in front of the machine.
"What's the matter?" I asked, and her face gleamed with hope as she looked back at me and almost broke my heart with her eyes.
"All I wanted was my coffee. I've bought two, and it refuses to let me live in peace. Stupid machine." She stretched her leg out to kick at it, and I moved slightly closer. Today, I was just running into all types of weird people, and Tae, when would it get better?
"Want help shaking it?" I asked simply, placing my earbuds into the container and storing them in my bag.
"Yes, please." She stood up quickly, straightening out her pants and then moving to just one side of the machine. "Now we will show it who is boss." She said, and I could hear what sounded like pure hatred in her voice for the machine. We both took ahold of the machine, me reaching almost the top with my arms, and I looked at the girl standing opposite of me. She tried with her might, but her arms could only reach the top of the middle. She was cute, her eyes fixed on the problem at hand and determined to get her coffee.
"Ready, shake," I told her that I wouldn't even need to try hard. She began to shake the whole machine as if her life depended on it. Little people sure had a lot of pent-up energy in them, or at least she did. The next thing I knew was the sound of two thuds, one after another, threw her to the front of the machine on her knees. She was reaching inside the machine, already pulled out two coffees, and smiled with the biggest grin of success.
"Here." She said with a grin and handed one of the cold coffee drinks to me. "I really only need one. I bought the second one since the first did not drop. Take it as a 'Thank you"." She said sweetly, patting my hand once more before going off towards the other end of the building. At least this time, I got a coffee out of it, but who was that girl? I looked down at the coffee, and it was actually my favorite since it was sweet. Whoever she was, I knew I at least owed her a decent thank you.
I looked back to the area she went to, making a mental note of what she looked like and the coffee that she had bought before I went on working on the vending machine. I looked back in and searched for what I thought would make a good snack, especially since I already had a big breakfast. A banana continued to catch my eye until my stomach decided that, at that moment, I wanted a banana. I swiped my card and began to input the number, waiting patiently as my little banana slipped down. I reached down and grabbed it, standing up straight and starting my journey down the hall.
I held the coffee and banana in the same hand, pulling out my phone with the other. As I walked down the hall, I skimmed through the apps that were already open, thinking about what topic would be discussed as I walked through the door. The lecture room was empty, for the most part. Most students would not even try to come in until closer to time. I used to laugh at how often I would beat the professor to class, but now I enjoy it. Any time that I can spend with myself and enjoy my own company is always something I look forward to. I swiped most of my apps closed, leaving only the recording app. I usually recorded all my lectures and seminars so that I could replay them and study a little better.
I checked the time: 5 minutes until class began, and I happily took my seat in the second row closest to the window. I wanted to be close so my recorded notes were clear but away from the front enough so I never gained attention. I laid down my phone, pressing record before I opened my bag for my materials. I placed the coffee and banana in front of my bag to make sure nothing would get squished. I pulled out the blue notebook that I used for this particular class and my favorite purple pen. For every class, I had a designated notebook and pen that I would use. This just helped me make sure my mind was as prepared as my physical being was. I placed the pen and notebook beside one another, making sure to open to the next blank page. I was ready, and when I heard the door open, I couldn't help but look out the window. I saw a few birds in the tree, jumping on each limb before taking off.
"Is this seat available?" Everyone had already begun slowly coming into the room and taking seats. I hadn't noticed, but the third row and first were already full. I looked up at the stranger who was motioning at the chair next to me. His eyes were big and brown, his face looked like it was in a natural pout, and his lips stretched to form a smile when we locked eyes.
"Uh, sure," I said, moving my things further down from his personal bubble and fixing my body to adjust away from him. I saw him smile wider from the corner of my eye, placing his things on the table before putting his bag beside his feet. I returned to looking out the window, but I could feel the hole being burned into the side of my head.
"Is this your first class here?" He asked, and I waited. There was no way he was talking to me; it wasn't like people don't talk to me, but in class, it was weird. What makes it weirder is we are already four weeks into the semester. I've been here every day, but I guess not everyone enjoys or works hard to even attempt to study.
"I've been in class 12 times," I responded. This class specifically was only available on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I knew this because I always had my humanities classes to look forward to, while Tuesdays were always a bit more complicated.
"12 times?" He questioned and blew out a puff of air. "Why only 12?" He laid back in his chair a bit to stretch before turning his attention to the professor as he entered the room.
"We've only met in this class 12 times," I whispered harshly to him and waited for the professor to begin the class.
"What is your major?" He asked, and I could not help but roll my eyes. Why does it matter? Why does he keep trying to talk to me? "I take seminars 1 and 2, and I don't think I have seen you before." His voice dropped lower, and when he finished, the professor began his lecture.
"Good Morning, ladies and gentlemen. As we begin this morning's lecture, we will begin by analyzing Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs." I usually spend this time listening deeply to the professor and taking notes vigilantly. I picked up my purple pen and began to write the date and topic but was rudely interrupted by a half-torn sheet of paper. I flipped it over and revealed just a few words.
'Are you new?'
'No.' I pushed the paper back towards him and tried to focus on the professor, and I began to write down the triangle model he completed on the board. I completed the triangle and began sectioning off the multiple parts the professor identified.
'Why haven't I seen you before?' The note appeared on top of my hand, covering everything else in my vision. I was getting tired of this. What are we in, like high school? I tried not to make any drastic sounds or show irritation, so I did not bother the professor, but I was already ready to change seats. I pulled my hand from under the paper, placed my pen on top, and responded before throwing it toward his notebook.
'I am trying to learn.'
I heard his body settle down, but my guard was up. I didn't want another note, and if he wrote another, I needed to be prepared to leave. I looked behind me a bit, noticing an empty seat next to the window, but it was in the fourth row. I've never sat that far back, but I was prepared to if necessary. It would be the first time I would have changed seats or even been that far away. My father always said that sitting in the front won't make you dumb, but sitting in the back won't make you smart. I always went for the middle, but now this was ruined.
I actually anticipated a response and found myself being on alert and waiting for the response he would give. It did not take long, but after being able to take notes in peace, I just had to look over and see what he was doing. I was at least expecting him to be a little more annoying. An image of Tae sitting next to me in class popped into my head. That is honestly the last thing that I need to envision in class. I shook my head and tried to focus on the professor again. He continued on about the Hierarchy of Needs, writing down examples and mentioning how pertinent it was for us to know this information.
"When analyzing and identifying which need is missing or is not yet fulfilled, remember to associate the characteristics and examples of each. Now, don't forget to bring reasonable research proposals on Tuesday. If you have yet to schedule an appointment with me to discuss it, you will have until noon tomorrow. That is all, see you in the next class." He said, grabbing his things.
I was completely shocked and could not believe that the class had passed by already. It felt like it had just begun, but I only had a 30-minute break before my next class. I began to collect my things before turning to the side of me and noticing the guy had already gotten up and was making his way out the door. I rushed to put my notebook and pen in my bag before galloping after everyone else. By the time I reached the door, he was no longer in my sight. What was he wearing? I began to look around the hall outside and tried to focus on what he looked like, but the only thing I could think about was his smile. Annoying.
I pushed my bag up on my shoulder and walked down the hall. Now was the perfect time for me to begin eating my snack, reading, and catching up on any notes. I walked to the next building over. My next class was Korean Literature and Language. I took up space on the circle couch table that was across from the lecture hall. There were multiple circle couches that were two half spheres put together with a circle table in the middle. I placed my bag down and began to unload my pink notebook and green pen. I reached in for my headphones and noticed a small piece of paper. I did not put that there. I need to focus.
I left the note, pulled out my earphones, and turned my attention back towards what I was doing. I pulled out the coffee next, opened it, and placed it at the top of my notebook. I took the banana out next, placing it next to my pen, and looked back towards my bag.
I placed both earphones in before opening the notebook and looking at my previous notes. I just need to stay focused. I unlocked my phone, opened my app, and began to play my book once again. I wouldn't even get through the opening quote of chapter two before I felt a bump on my shoulder. I quickly turned around and was greeted by that familiar smile as she jumped into the seat next to me.
"Hi," I heard her preppy voice sing as I pulled out my earphones and set them aside. I gave a small smile and took a deep breath.
"Hi," I tried to sound a little bit excited, but I'm sure she knew I was not feeling it. I tried to scoot over so that she could have some space, but she only moved closer towards me.
"What year are you?" She asked, turning her head slightly to the side and staring with her eyes that spoke volumes.
"Uh, this is actually my 4th year," I stated slowly, thinking about what that meant for me. "What about for you?" I followed up with, waiting for her response.
"Technically, this should be my 3rd year, but I completed classes during the summer so that I could graduate sooner." She smiled thoughtfully and held my arm a little tighter. "So, Unnie, what class do you have next?" She asked, and I scoffed in my head. I just met her, and we are already formally talking to one another.
"Korean Lit and Language. You?" I asked, and she gasped.
"Me too! I wanted to take that class so badly; now I can take it with you, Unnie. Want to study after school together? Do you have time?" Woah, way too many questions. I tried to reevaluate what was going on, and before long, it was time for the class to begin.
"Uh, I need to get ready." I started putting things back into my backpack, and she tried to help.
"Here." She said sweetly, picking up my notebook and coffee. "I'll carry these for you." She stood there holding them and waited for me silently.
"Thanks," I reached for it, but she smiled and turned her body towards the classroom. "Where are your things?" I asked, and she smiled.
"I actually was sitting in the classroom already. I just saw you and wanted to see you." She smiled and trotted towards the room a little.
"Oh," I watched her walk straight into the room and placed my things down in the empty space next to her items. No wonder I never saw her; she was always in the front row. I guess looking at the back of someone's head; you never know what they look like from the front.
She sat in her chair and patted the chair next to her. It wasn't that I did not want to have friends, but I tended to focus more on the reason for being at school. I always made sure to focus on school, but now I'm afraid to sit there. Why am I afraid to sit there? My legs wouldn't move, and I don't know if I should. I just need to go. It's no big deal, just go. I forced a smile, and the next thing I knew, my legs just moved. I pushed my hair back a bit before taking a seat next to her, and she sighed, turning to the front of the room.
"I really love this class; what about you?" She asked, and I shrugged a bit.
"I mean, it's definitely something nice to learn." I looked down at my notebook, reaching for my pen. I saw her reach for something as well before I placed my pen on my desk. I reached for the can of coffee that was straight ahead before placing my hand on top.
"Oh, we're so alike!" She squealed, and I turned to see her with her coffee in hand. I smiled softly. She was so sweet. It was nice to have someone who was happy around me.
"I guess so." I smiled and tried to think of something to talk about. "Year 3, what's your major?" Is that really a good question to ask? I watched her face and waited for a reaction. I opened my coffee, raising it to drink as I waited for her response.
"Well, I'm a Psychology major, but I wanted to be able to take this class. The only problem was that this wasn't in my course of study. So I took some classes through the summer so I could get the opportunity to take this class." She said so innocently, smiling and looking like she was trying to catch her breath a bit. That was so cool, Psychology. She must be really good at studying, and she's so young. I took a drink and moved a little closer. So she's like almost a doctor.
"Wow, that's amazing." I smiled, and she blushed a little before opening her coffee. "That takes a lot of commitment, school during the summer." She smiled as she took a sip.
"Not really. I just studied online mostly. It helps." She took another drink, and she smiled more. Her smile was very charming.
"Well, I think it's really cool." All of a sudden, it hit me. "Jennie! My name it's Jennie." I smiled and couldn't help but mentally beat myself up. I didn't even tell her my name.
"Minji." She said. "I'm sorry, I get carried away sometimes. I just feel like I've known you forever." I laughed a little because somehow I felt the same. The door began to open, and I looked towards the opening door and watched as the class came flooding in, with the professor breaking out in the middle of the herd.
I watched as the final students came in, turning to Minji, who was now completely focused on the teacher. She was watching him like a monitor, and it made me smile. She did somehow remind me of a younger version of myself. I turned in my chair, pulled my phone onto my lap, and began to record the session. I placed my phone face down and began following suit and paying close attention. I slowly worked my way through my coffee and fought myself on whether to save or eat the banana now.
The class continued through; this class was one of my longer classes. After this, I actually will be able to grab lunch, and now this was all that was on my mind. What should I have for lunch, kimbap, bbq, I don't know. I could feel my mouth begin to water, and before I knew it, my stomach made a tiny growl. I couldn't help but sit up straighter and try to make my notes look better. I will be fine. I paced myself through, looking at the professor expressing the strength and power in the poetry. He was reading a poem written by Goreyo scholars, and I was attached to every word. I was surprised when he closed the book, and I could hear a couple of people behind me groan. Maybe this is everyone's favorite class.
"Next week, we will be looking at more classical literature from the Sijo period. That is it for today's class." He spoke softly, closing the book, and it was like his enchantment over the whole class left. I began to hear movement, and slowly, everyone within the room began rising to their feet, and I turned towards Minji.
"Let's get lunch." She said, standing up to pack her backpack. She opened it and began piling her notebook inside and dropping the pen in the first pocket she saw.
"Uh, sure. Where?" I asked, taking my backpack and opening it, laying my notebook inside the pouch, and placing my pen in the holder.
"I go to this nice cafe all the time. It's right next to campus. Come on." She said, moving past her chair and moving towards the door. She was such high energy, and I almost feel like I can't keep up. I closed the flap on my backpack and got up to meet her at the door.
As we made our way down the hall, she continued to talk, telling me about everything. She was very talkative, and I couldn't help but listen. It wasn't that I hadn't had friends. I just always preferred to be by myself. I always felt like it was hard to connect with anyone, and I felt like the friendship would always eventually disintegrate. So, I guess if you think it hard enough, it really will manifest. I took another look at her and smiled. Maybe in another life, we did meet. Maybe we were friends or sisters in that life. I reached down for my phone, looking in my pockets, and then opened my bag. My phone, I must have left it on the desk.
"Uh, I think I left my phone in class. I'll be right back." I turned around to go and grab it, but she just followed.
"I can come with." She skipped and walked right next to me.
"Maybe you were my sister from my life in Goreyo," I told her, laughing, and she put her hands in the middle of her stomach before bowing like a maid of the court.
"Thank you." She spoke in a slow and serious tone before we both burst out into laughter. As we made our way to the lecture room, I opened the door and immediately saw my phone on the desk. I made my way closer, but when I reached to grab it, I was stopped. My hand covered before I could fully take hold of it. I had completely ignored whatever was going on. I took a look around and stopped in my tracks.
"Hello again." A voice boomed softly into my ear. I turned towards the stranger and noticed who it was. "Read my note yet?"
Out of everything I experienced so far, waking up was definitely the hardest part.
#kpop#bias#girl group#blackpink#exo#bts#taehyung#kim taehyung#v bts#bts v#exo kai#jongin#jennie#kim jennie#blackpink jennie#jennie blackpink#minji#newjeans minji#newjeans#fanfiction#fanfic#his words are pretty
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All I wanted to do was go home and relax or work on my car. Now I just want to take an ambien to knock myself out. I feel like my chest is caving in.
I was just doing the closing paperwork and got a text from the assistant manager (the one who did the stuff to me). I've been very clear about how uninterested I am for months and how uncomfortable he makes me just being around him, since he touched me and texted me a bunch of weird stuff last year. I don't even talk to him, except for when I have to say something work purposes. I guess today his wife and daughter are going on vacation, so he's home alone... He started texting me just as I was closing the store, inviting me to his house and he's awaiting my decision for his plans...
My friend asked me if work has been okay since what I told him last fall when I came up for some car parts, and I fucking said I was okay and avoiding the guy at work as much as possible. I thought he finally got the point that I am not interested and he left me alone. I thought I was making something of nothing of still feeling so anxious since it happened last year. Same fucking day I tell my friend that I'm doing my best and seems like he's left me alone, I was wrong. At this point I'm not even angry anymore, I'm just tired and feel like I'm suffocating. I tried to ignore it but he's texted me 4 times in the space of an hour and probably will continue all weekend. I have to fucking work with him all week (Monday - Thursday) next week because my boss is going on vacation. I hope he will leave me alone because the guys in back (our parts drivers) are still there.
When I came home I told my mom and showed her the texts. She's more disgusted and angry than me. She wants to get his number and say some things... I'm so out of energy with this whole thing and I don't want to say anything but she wants me to screenshot it and send it to my boss. I don't want to start anything before he's off and hope nothing happens so I make it through the week. My mom isn't happy with me because I won't stand up for myself but I'm so fucking sick of dealing with this. I just want to go to work and be normal. I feel like it's my fault for doing my hair and makeup this morning, and doing my nails last night. I just wanted to feel more confident today and give myself a mani which I haven't done in such a long time and wanted to do.
I'm exhausted. I feel pathetic. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Bridal photos - BTS
It's so bizarre to me that these things that I scheduled back in JANUARY are here and happening. And that's only going to continue as we get close to the wedding day.
The week leading up to the bridal photos, I was a ball of nerves. The weather wasn't looking good - AGAIN. Apparently, if we need rain, I just have to schedule photos related to this wedding, and the rains will come.
Mom came up for the weekend to help out, and I'm so glad she was there. The whole day was chaotic and busy, but luckily it turned out perfectly. It started with a shower and blow drying my hair, so it was clean and ready for my hair appointment later that day. Then we loaded up my dress, shoes, and accessories into the car, and mom took off to pick-up my bouquet. I drove her car down to my nail appointment, where I got the most needed pedicure, but also got stupid acrylic nails put back on. (I hate them and solemnly swear that this is the last month I will ever do it. I'm getting them off the day after the wedding, no questions asked.) I wish they weren't so pretty for photos.
Nails ran way longer than I expected, so I had to have my mom come pick me up from there so we could head straight to hair and make-up in Saratoga Springs. That appointment was SO FAST considering she did a full glam face of make-up and curled both my hair and my halo... in 40 minutes. She's magic! She was darling, and I felt so good about the final look. It was natural enough, but glowy and light and just perfect.
After that, we kept checking the weather and noticing that it was only going to get worse the later it got. The original plan was to do photos at 7:30, but we started to wonder if we should just take advantage of the clear, albeit overcast, skies we had. I texted our photographer, and she agreed to meet us at 3 instead.
Of course, Brayden's custom suit wasn't ready (people suck) so he had to wear one of his old ones, but it was the first time I've seen him in a bowtie and he looked so good!
Once we got to the Capitol building, mom helped me change into my dress in the street (hahahah) and then we walked over to the grand staircase, where we did our own little first look. It most definitely got interrupted by our photographer who of course did not know that's what we were doing - so that's ok. (; But how fun for him to finally get to see the dress on me, and he really loves it!
From there, we moved quickly into doing photos. We did almost all of them on the staircase or on the upper patio by the doors. We did both formal photos of us together and just bridals of me individually. We had to work quick, because the rain was imminent. But we pulled it off. She sent us some sneak peeks, and I am DYING at one of them. All this work was worth it, even if we just got this one photo out of it. UGH so happy. I want to wear this dress forever and ever.
Once we were done, it started to downpour! Seriously, every time!!! We had to wait it out underneath the staircase for a bit haha. But our photographer left and then finally there was a break in the rain for mom to go grab my change of clothes and the dress bag so I didn't have to risk it on the way back to the car. I sure leave glitter everywhere I go though hahah. I love my dress.
Mom was the perfect dress fixer, bouquet holder, and cheerleader during our photos and it was a fun day to share with her.
We got to eat our first meal of the day once photos were done, and Wingers has never tasted better.
And then we spent our entire night hot-gluing our programs together - so what a perfect way to celebrate! (;
The wedding day is getting SO CLOSE!
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My Alpha
Ethan’s point of view
Switches point of views
Get ready to meet our boy! ;)
Italics are notes/messages
*******
Liana and I walk back to the house. Showing her my wolf was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Seeing her smile and laugh brought a lot of happiness to me. When she got sad, I was worried. I don't like seeing her sad. She had asked me to take her home. On the drive to her house she didn't utter one word. My wolf was going into a frenzy thinking she was rejecting us. Doubts crept into my mind as we pulled into her driveway. A guy, I'm assuming is Aaron, standing on her porch. She wants to go back to him? The other side of me freaking out and screaming in my mind telling me to kill him.
"Liana!?" I say as my voice shakes.
"Yeah?" she turns towards me a look of concern on her face.
"You'll be... okay right? You'll come back?"
She smiles lightly, "Of course I'm coming back. I have to talk to Aaron and my mom."
I let out a deep breath and look at the steering wheel. He's not calming down. I need him to stop freaking out.
"Hey," she grabs the sides of my face and forces me to look at her, "I won't leave you. I'm coming back."
Leaning in, she kisses my cheek. My wolf finally calms down.
"Thank you for calming him." I say to her.
"Of course. I love him and I don't want him to feel that way."
My heart swells. Love. She loves him. But me? She doesn't love me.
"I'll be back tomorrow morning. Nine AM sharp."
"Okay."
She gets out and waves after me as I drive away. I just hope she's breaking up with Aaron. I don't know how my wolf will react if she doesn't want him anymore. I don't know how I'll react if she doesn't want to try this with me.
Liana's POV:
I sigh as Ethan drives away. My mind is already racing about what will happen with Aaron. I was already eager to get back to Ethan. I felt guilty because I was already more attached to Ethan than I was to Aaron.
"Liana?"
"Hi Aaron." I say walking up the stairs and into the house. He follows behind me.
"Please tell me he was just a friend."
"Listen Aaron I think we should-"
"You are not breaking up with me right now."
"A listen to me-"
"How long? How long have you been cheating on me Liana!?" He screams at me. I flinch at his sudden violence.
"I haven't been cheating-" I gasp as he slaps me.
"Bull. Don't lie to me Liana!"
I'll have to lie.
"Not long. A few days."
"Seriously Li I thought we were special."
"We were but-"
"We're done. I don't want to talk to you."
"Aaron I'm sorry-"
He turns around and pushes me up against the door. His hand wraps around my throat as he yells.
"I said I don't want to fucking talk to you."
Clawing at his hand with my nails, he releases me. I fall to the floor crying.
"You're weak and pathetic." he spits on me before he leaves.
I want Ethan. I want Ethan so bad. I pull out my phone to see a text from my mom.
Mom: Won't be home this weekend. Had to travel out of state to get organs for transfer. Love you!
I cry harder. I just want Ethan. I crawl up the stairs to my room and pack a bunch of clothes in a duffel bag. Writing a note to my mom, I walk down stairs and set it on the island in the kitchen.
Mom,
Hey it's Li! I got accepted to a study abroad for acting. It's so cool! They've booked me a flight for tonight and since you weren't home I figured this is the best thing to leave you. Especially knowing your phone will be off all weekend. I don't know how long the study is but hopefully a few months at best! Love you!
~Liana
I hated having to lie to my mom but it was for the best. Grabbing my hiking books from the shoe closet, I tug them on then made my way through the woods. Following the path I took last night I see the tree Ethan held me up against. It's crazy to think I had only met him yesterday. And to miss him already, it's insane. I walked in on a mating tradition last night. A mating tradition! I didn't even know they existed. I didn't know werewolves existed. I was still skeptical until Ethan transformed. Seeing his wolf was- I'm brought out of my thoughts by the sound of crunching leaves. I start breathing heavily.
"Ethan, this isn't funny." I say, slightly worried it's not him.
A boy walks around the tree and sniffs at me. I glare at him.
"You're Ethan's mate." He states.
"Yeah so?"
"I'm Grayson, Ethan's best friend. I'm assuming you're looking for him."
"Yes I am."
"Okay follow me."
He grabs my wrist and tugs me along. Soon we're back in the valley walking in the direction of Ethan's house. He lets go of my wrist as I follow behind him.
"So how did you find out you're Ethan's mate? I mean you're human."
"I walked into the mating tradition unknowingly."
"Oh that makes sense."
"How did you know I'm Ethan's mate?"
"You're wearing his sweatshirt so you smell like him."
"Ohhhh."
"What happened to your neck?"
"What about it?"
"You have a red handprint there. Ethan didn't-"
"No! Ethan didn't do anything. My ex boyfriend, well I just went to breakup with him because I felt guilty about liking Ethan. When I said that we should break up he didn't take it too well."
"I'm so sorry that happened to you. After Ethan finds out he's probably going to have people look after you. Just to make sure you're okay."
"Would you want to be one? At least I would know you."
"If he mentions it you can count me in."
"Thanks Grayson."
"No pro-"
"Liana?" I hear a voice call.
Looking around me I find Ethan jogging towards us. When he gets here I wrap my arms around him and pull him into a hug. He hugs me back but sends a bewildered look towards Grayson.
"What are you doing back here? I told you I'd come pick you up in the morning." Ethan says pulling away from the hug.
"I broke up with Aaron and my mom isn't going to be home for days. There was no reason for me to stay."
"How did Grayson even find you? I-" he stops, noticing the hand mark around my neck. His eyes darken.
"What is that?" He growls out.
"Aaron didn't like the breakup but I'm okay."
"He laid his hands on you?"
"Just my neck and my cheek but Ethan-"
"Grayson go tell my father we need to send out a few people."
I look at Grayson as he starts backing away.
"Grayson don't you dare move. You are not sending people after him." I scream.
"Liana I will do whatever I want. He put his hands on what's mine. He needs to be punished."
"What are you going to do to him?"
"Beat him up til he's half dead. You wouldn't want me to kill him."
A tear slips down my cheek. Of course I don't want him to kill Aaron. As much as I hate Aaron for what he did, we had history and he deserves a good reason as to why I was breaking up with him. I couldn't tell him I was leaving him because I found out my soulmate is a werewolf. I turn to see Grayson still standing there.
"Well what are you waiting for? Go get the people!"
Grayson runs toward the house as I turn to look at Ethan. He has a small smile on his face as he pulls me into a hug kissing the top of my forehead.
"Thank you." He whispers.
*******
#grayson dolan#dolan twins#ari’s fic recs#oc#ethan dolan#lianamariesummers#madisonrosemorrison#ari’s masterlist#ari
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summer 2021 nails mb
ig- @ji_niiiii / @yveningset / @manicuredbylena
#i'm taking my mom to get her nails done this weekend and this is the mb i'm bringing the nail artist ✨#k.txt#misc
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♡ Becoming my dream girl ♡
Thank you @2pretty for your amazing guide ♡
My dream girl is an improved and elegant version of myself. She practices self care on her daily basis through every single attitude and decision. She isn't dramatic or exhagerated, she's perfectly balanced and thinks before speaking anything that could destroy her peace or others'. She manages to keep up with all her college activities and business tasks while looking put together, awake and beautiful. She's smart and studies every week day for both college and work but still taking weekends to rest and find balance. She has the ability to prep beautiful dishes, she's very body-active, learned Spanish in some months by herself and has a lot of money invested so she can get her family a house. She's full of an elegance that comes from within and she shows a bit of it through her social media by sharing a sneak peak into her lifestyle.
♡ 15 facts about my dream girl ♡
she studies at least 1:30h every week day.
she knows how to start the day and she takes the weekends to slow down, rest and to prepare for the coming week both mentally and by scheduling actitivies.
she never misses any appointment and she does everything in advance.
she is well spoken and has etiquette.
she's always put together, head to toe and a beautiful bright smile.
she knows how to keep her house clean, organized and beautiful.
she is fit and has a great body control because she gets active at least three times a week.
she speaks Portuguese, English and Spanish.
she has saved $20k and she has built up the best investments.
her wardrobe is full of versatile pretty items and she wear everything with grace always expressing her true self. She doesn't have any defective or useless item on her wardrobe.
she never puts herself in danger, she always takes the best decisions for her own comfort and safety.
she knows how to balance thoughts and she thinks twice before starting any discussion that may destroy her or others' peace.
she keeps in touch with her family calling them every Friday and visiting her mom every other weekend.
she knows how to make beautiful and delicious dishes.
her social media are clean and they only add up to her elegant manners.
♡ Becoming her ♡
♡ Every day habits
Always take an uber drive when you go to unknown or to unsafe places
Get the groceries mostly online so you don't come home with heavy bags
Face washing and shower every morning followed by a nice and healthy breakfast
Study at least 1h for school and 30 min for business
Schedule and set alarms for every appointment a day or hours before it's due
Daily teeth care
Think a lot before saying anything that could start fights or disagreements
Always practice making beautiful dishes, even for simple meals
♡ June (1, 2, 7)
I will focus on getting used to having classes and to study again. So I must study every week day and be consistent on my morning routine. I must keep balanced my work and my studies so I really need to schedule everything on my work. I must start getting my body active again. On the first 2 weeks I should save 2 days for either working out, dancing, stretching out or to do yoga. Then I must add one more day. I will take Mondays to clean my apartment.
♡ July (5, 6)
Time to focus on getting furnitures I still miss, especially for the living room and for my bedroom. I will save 1k in my currency for that. I must get decor items for both and to make a little comfort space in my bedroom. My hair always annoys me because I usually feel like it's not put together and it messes a lot with my overall look along with my nails, I get to change that. My teeth are quite yellow and I'm hating it, go back to a beautiful bright smile lady. I'm dying to get my nails done but I keep on saving it for later so I don't spend money on nails. This month will require a lot of money but I'm ashamed of my apartment's look and I don't want that anymore, I want to be proud of it.
♡ August (10)
I'm hoping now that I started to slowly get new clothes on June, along with makeup, but this is the time to make it more intense, to get more at once and to throw out every item that I feel ashamed about whether because it's old or because it's defective.
♡ September (8, 15)
My birthday month and break from college, so I expect using my free time in a productive yet relaxing way: improving my Spanish. I will already have built a nicer enviroment, willl be already using better clothes and looking put together all the time, so I can also start focusing on my instagram, start making tiktok videos and maybe a Youtube channel.
♡ October (4, 14)
Time to focus on good manners and to work on creating beautiful meals. I will learn these mostly from Youtube videos and blogs, but traditional books won't be left behind if I can have any.
♡ November (2, 3)
A month to work harder on scheduling and doing things in advance so I can exceed 9 and make it $40k instead.
♡ December (1, 3, 9)
The last college semester has come, time for the last exams of the year so it's important to study every day and to get things done days before due. A hard month for business so both schedules should be aligned and I will end the year with more than double the first goal.
-
known sources: 3rd pic, food pic, 1st and 5th pics, 6th pic
my updates: click here
#dream girl#dgg#lifestyle#womeninbusiness#successful#successful woman#successful women#powerful women#business girl#business woman#luxury lifestyle#beauty#black women in luxury#romanticize#routine#morning routine#growth#personal growth#self improvement#self development#way to wealthy#wealth#wealthy women
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Word count: 3900+
Rating: explicit, 18+ only
Outline: It’s Father’s Day again, and you and Whiskey are trying to revive your sex life. Based on the fic “An Unexpected Occasion” with permission from @quica-quica-quica
Agent Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x “You” (cis/het female reader; “blank canvas”/no physical description/no name/no use of “Y/N”)
Warnings: oral sex/M receiving; oral sex/F receiving; unprotected P/V sex in the context of established relationship; use of clitoral vibrator; medium-level bondage/wrists and ankles/F receiving; medium-level impact play (spanking/hands/leather flogger) F receiving; light throat play/hands on neck/F receiving; a smidge of lactation kink; one instance of Jack calling himself “Daddy”; Jack running his FILTHY mouth; mentions of pink champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries
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Things hadn’t been exactly dead in the bedroom since your daughter was born, just a little slow and awkward. Jack had taken to fatherhood like a champ, cuddling and cradling the baby in his strong hands when she made her appearance just before midnight on New Year’s Eve. You had nothing to complain about, outside of the usual hormonal shifts and new nursing mom adjustments. Your pregnancy had been textbook-healthy, and other than refusing to sleep through the night, your 6-month-old baby was sweet and easy. Her gray irises and peach-fuzz hair had darkened since birth, and now she was a copy of her daddy, all dark eyes and dimples. The only thing you missed from your “before” life was the higher frequency of good-quality sex with Jack.
You knew from your own work with new moms that it sometimes took months for new parents to get back into the swing of things, but it had still been a rude surprise to find that you and Jack were so tired and busy with parenting that it sometimes took a whole week or more for you to find a mutually-agreeable time to get busy. It sucked, and you missed him.
Just like last year, Jack was out on assignment the week leading up to Father's Day. Valentine's Day this year had been a total bust. Both of you were so wiped out that you had spent the evening bickering and then passed out on the couch in front of an action movie at 8:40 p.m. before waking up at midnight for a quick fumble. Your birthday in April had been similar. You had taken the baby to Grandma's for the evening, and instead of having a romantic dinner out, you had gotten into a minor fender-bender and spent the evening with a heating pad on your neck while Jack argued with your auto insurance company's 24-hour hotline.
So you decided that since it was Father's Day and you were feeling a smidge less tired, and a pinch more sexy, you would use Jack's week away to prepare for a mind-blowing weekend. You bought new bed sheets, got your hair and nails done, and ordered some items online that you hoped would spark his interest again and lead to something playful and fun: lengths of soft, specialized bondage rope, a leather flogger, and a new vibrator, shaped like a tongue with a little divot on one side to cup your clit.
A nurse at work had turned you on to the device, claiming that the soft silicone and specialized shape had given her better climaxes than she’d ever experienced with 30 years of bullet vibes. At least that was one good thing about being in the business of having babies; nobody was shy about sex or the human body. You had plugged it in to charge and took the time to read through all of the instructions, holding it against your hand to feel the different levels of vibrations. You wanted to save the test run for Jack’s return; you were eager to see what he thought of it.
You also chose some lingerie that seemed fairly forgiving for your post-baby body: a black babydoll nightgown with hot pink lace, and a sheer robe and slippers to match. As a labor & delivery nurse you knew better than anyone what pregnancy did to women's bodies, but it was still a little upsetting to see the odd bumps and rumples on your torso that didn’t seem to want to shift. You figured (hoped anyway) that when Jack saw the effort you were going to, he wouldn’t care what “flaws” were hiding underneath the gauze and lace. An hour before Jack was due home, you showered and dressed in your new lingerie. A box of chocolate-covered strawberries and a bottle of pink champagne were chilling in the fridge. Now you just had to wait.
Jack arrived home right on time, and you sprang up from the couch to greet him at the front door. He lumbered inside with a groan and dropped his overnight bag in the foyer. You didn’t give him a chance to remove his hat before you were rushing to embrace him. “Jack! Baby, I'm so glad you’re home.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so glad to see you. Where’s the baby?”
You let go of him and stepped back so that he could take in your new outfit. You spun once to give Jack the full view, and then stepped up close to give him a kiss.
“She’s at Grandma’s for the weekend,” you murmured against his lips. “I have champagne in the fridge, and some surprises for you for Father’s Day.”
Jack chuckled and groaned at the same time. “Oh, honeysuckle. That sounds divine, and you look amazing.” He kissed you and slid one hand down to grab your ass. “Is this my surprise?”
You laughed. “Part of it! Come with me, cowboy.”
You led him to the bedroom and made him sit down on the bed. He toed his boots off and started unbuttoning his shirt. You knelt behind him on the bed and rubbed his shoulders as he undressed. “I’m so glad to see you Jack. Are you in the mood to mess around?”
He stood up and turned to you as he removed his pants. “You tell me, sugar.” He slid his tight jeans off and you saw his erection straining against his briefs. He chuckled at you as he stood in his undershirt and hat.
“Oh yeah,” you waggled your eyebrows at him. “I’m so glad you’re home, Jack. We have a lot to catch up on.”
He threw his hat on the dresser and leaned over you to plant kisses to your cheeks and neck and collarbone. You leaned back and he lay on top of you, murmuring against your neck and hair as he nuzzled you. “What’s new, pussycat?”
“Oh, well…” you hummed contentedly. “I did some shopping, got my nails done, bought this new nightie…”
Jack moved down to nuzzle your cleavage. “I see. And what’s underneath? Is that for me, too?”
“Oh, of course Jack. And I got some new toys that I hope you’ll enjoy playing with, too.”
“Is that so?” Jack pulled back and smiled at you. “Can I see?”
You grinned and nodded. “Let me up.”
Jack rolled away from you and you practically bounced over to the closet to retrieve the large gift bag you had put together. He sat up on the edge of the bed and took the bag from you with a raised eyebrow. “Heavy,” he commented.
He reached in and pulled out the leather flogger first, a wicked smile spreading across his face. “Oh, honey, you know just what I like.” He ran his fingers through the leather falls and then slapped it once, lightly against the bedspread. “Well that’s going to be fun.”
You threw your head back and laughed. “Keep going. There’s more in there.”
Jack reached into the bag and pulled out three bundles of soft bondage rope in pearl gray, white, and black. A soft “Ohhh, I see,” fell from his lips. “You need to test my rope skills, keep me fresh? Is that it?”
“Well it never hurts to practice.” You winked at him. “Keep going, there’s one more thing in there.” You clasped your hands together and waited for Jack to set the rope down on the bed. His hand disappeared into the bag one last time and he pulled out a small white satin drawstring bag; the storage bag that the company had included with your new “device.”
Jack frowned as he opened the bag and pulled out the black vibrator. “What’s this?” He cocked an eyebrow at you.
“A new vibrator. Very advanced technology, and it’s rechargeable and waterproof! Seven different vibration patterns and each one has five different levels.” Jack let out a long, low whistle at that.
You wiggled your eyebrows at him again. “You wanna play, cowboy?”
“Oh, honeybee. I thought you’d never ask.” Jack reached an arm out to circle around your waist and pull you closer. You put your hands on his broad shoulders and leaned down to kiss him as his hands cupped your ass.
The two of you melted together and time slowed down. You had missed this, missed him; missed the easy intimacy that you had shared so much of before the baby came. He felt familiar and good and strong under your lips and hands, and you felt like you had all the time in the world to reintroduce yourselves to each other.
Kisses turned into groping, and you stopped Jack only once to remove your robe and heeled slippers. When you stood before him in just the nightgown and the matching G-string, Jack ran his eyes and his hands appreciatively over your body. You suddenly felt silly that you had ever imagined that Jack would care about any postpartum changes. This was a man who was covered in scars and dings of his own from years of a physical job, he wouldn’t care that you were softer in some places and more wrinkly in others. He just wanted to love you.
You leaned over Jack to reach for the white bundle of rope, and offered it to him as you kneeled down between his legs. You tugged at the waistband of his underwear and he lifted his hips to help you get them off. His cock sprang free and you moaned at the sight of it, taking it into your hands and mouth to lavish attention on him. Jack unwound the length of rope as you kissed and caressed him, then he reached down to pull your wrists up above your head. You pulled off and looked up at him with a smile as he expertly wrapped your wrists, palms pressed together in a prayer position.
He looked down at you with a gentle smirk. “I didn’t say you could stop, honey.”
You hummed out a laugh and bent your head down between your elbows, going back to work with your mouth. Jack leaned back slightly to give himself room to finish wrapping your wrists. When he was done he gave it a tug. “Too tight?”
You pulled off long enough to say, “Just right, baby,” before diving back down to try to swallow him all the way to the back of your throat. Jack groaned softly as he put his large hand across the back of your neck. The broadness of his fingers and the warmth against your skin made you shiver. You hummed out a little noise of pleasure and Jack suddenly hissed and moved his hand under your chin to lift you up off of him.
“You keep going like that, honey, and I won’t make it to the good stuff.”
You smiled up at him, lips slick with saliva. “Well, where do you want me, cowboy?”
He put a strong hand under each elbow and helped you stand. “Why don’tcha lie down and I’ll return the favor for a while?”
You nodded and switched places with Jack, lying back on the bedspread and letting him open your legs. He ran one warm hand up your calf and opened your knee, then repeated the movement on the other side. He kneeled on the soft rug next to the bed and leaned his head close to your crotch, flipping the hem of your nightie up and back. He stroked your lace-covered mound with his fingers.
“Oh, baby, you look gorgeous. So pretty for me.” He placed his open mouth on your panties right over your clit, pressing down to make a seal with his lips before he breathed out gently. The sudden warmth of it made you shiver, and you moaned out his name. Goddamn him; he always knew how to ramp things up to 100 when you least expected it.
Jack hooked your G-string to the side and slid two thick fingers into you, crooking them just right to brush against the spongy spot behind your pubic bone. You arched your back and moaned again. “Jack! Jesus, warn a girl first.”
“Oh but that wouldn’t be any fun, honeysuckle.” His voice was low, all honey and velvet. “You got me all these nice surprises. I thought I’d return the favor.”
He crooked his fingers up again and you squealed as your hips bucked. Jack’s free hand came down on the inside of your thigh with a sharp slap, just above the knee. He smoothed the impact with a warm stroke before running his fingers higher to pinch the inside of your thigh, right where you were most ticklish. You groaned out a laugh as the pinch shot sparks of pleasure and gentle pain to your core.
“You better hold still, girl, or I’ll give you something to moan about.” His words made a rush of wetness seep out between your labia. He pinched you again, gentler than before, and followed it with a kiss to the tender spot. His mustache tickled you there, and you gasped out a giggle.
“Oh, yes sir! I’ll be a good girl.”
“Good, that’s what I like to hear. Now stay still while I concentrate.” He removed his fingers and hooked the elastic waistband of your G-string, pulling it down and off before diving back in with his lips and tongue and fingers, working you open. You felt liquid drip down between your crack as he devoured you, his digits pulling more wetness out of your core as his tongue and lips pushed you open and over the edge. You gasped as you came, trying your best to stay still as you clenched around Jack’s thick fingers. The silken ropes around your wrists strained but held tight. He really was good with a rope.
Jack kissed and petted you softly as you came down, murmuring sweet words into your soft folds. “That’s my good girl, so wet for me... I love this pretty pussy… you have no idea… so good for me… you pretty girl, gorgeous girl...” He placed one last, loud, wet kiss on your mound and then stood up. You smiled up at him as he leaned over you, bracing himself on his fists as he lowered his mouth to yours. Jack was all things at once; soft and warm lips under a cold and damp mustache, his own masculine cologne mixing with your scent on his mouth. The combination and the echoes of your climax made you lightheaded.
Jack stood up and wiped his face off with an open palm. “You ready to play, honeysuckle?” He winked.
You nodded and were surprised at how clear your voice sounded, given how fuzzy your head felt. “Yes, please.”
He grinned at you and gripped your upper arm with a firm hand, helping you sit up and scoot back to recline against the pillows. He grabbed the length of black rope and secured your left ankle to the corner of the bed frame, then did the same with the pearl gray rope on your right ankle. Jack’s movements were swift and gentle, and when he was done you gave your legs an experimental tug. You were spread open and secured in place; you weren’t going anywhere.
“Oh, Jack. Have I been a bad girl?” Your voice was high and playful. “What did I do to deserve this?”
Jack smirked at you as he picked up the black vibrator and turned it on. “It’s not what you did, honeybee. It’s what you’re gonna do.”
His words pulled a gasp from your throat and sent a new rush of slick to your pussy. You moaned a low, needy sound as he kneeled on the bed between your legs and brought the vibrator gently to your clit. You bucked and moaned, feeling the silken bands of rope tug against your ankles. Jack put one large palm on your thigh to hold you still. He nestled the flat tip of the vibrator into the folds surrounding your clit and positioned it so that the shallow divot cupped the sensitive bud.
You were suddenly rocketed into another plane of consciousness as a surprise orgasm wracked your body. Chills crept up the backs of your thighs and down over your nipples. The keening, high-pitched wail that reached your ears surprised you; you hadn’t even realized that you had cried out.
Jack petted your thigh softly as he pulled the vibrator away, keeping it pressed feather-light to your outer labia. “That’s my girl. Good girl.”
You came back to yourself slowly, floating back into the room as you opened your eyes. Jack smiled at you with satisfaction that verged on smugness, like he had just solved a puzzle. He turned off the vibrator and tossed it gently on the bed. “You alright, honey? Did that do something for you?”
“Jesus Christ, Jack. Fuck… oh my god… oh, fuck me…”
Jack smirked at you, “That good, huh?”
“I’ve never come like that in my life. Jesus Christ…”
He crawled up over you, pulling your bound wrists above your head as he kissed you. You felt your breathing return to normal as he explored and probed your mouth with his eager tongue. One strong hand held your jaw in place as the other squeezed and groped your breast. You felt something damp and warm trickle out of your nipple.
“Oh, Jack. I’m leaking a little.” You laughed. “Sorry, it’s been a couple of hours since I pumped for her.”
Jack let go of your chin and worked his mouth down to your cleavage. He opened the split cups of your nightgown and cupped one breast while he brought his mouth to the other, talking and murmuring to you between sucks and licks. “You know I don’t mind, sugar… so sweet for me… you like it when Daddy tastes your honey-sweet milk?”
You guffawed. “Don’t call yourself that, please. It’s weird now.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, honeysuckle. Should I stop?” He looked up at you and winked. “You can call me ‘sir’ again if that feels good.” He worked his way over to the other breast and suckled some more. You felt a spurt of milk leak out as he gently rolled your nipple between his front teeth.
“Hell,” he kept going, laving the stiff bud with the flat of his tongue, “... you can call me all sorts of mean names if you just let me keep tasting you like this.”
You threw your head back and moaned. Jack let go of your nipples and positioned himself at your entrance, lining up and diving in with one swift movement. You both moaned in unison and gasped as he pumped into you. He felt so good, so stiff and heavy inside of you as he rocked you gently with his hips. The ankle restraints tugged gently at your feet, reminding you of the delicious, vulnerable position you were in.
“Jesus, honeybee… you feel so fucking good wrapped around my cock.” Jack grunted as he thrust into you. “You gonna be my good girl? Take my whole load?”
“Yes, Jack! Yes… I’ll be your good girl.”
He thrust up into you harder, pistoning his hips and shaking the whole bed. He pumped a few more times like that and then lifted himself off. “Turn over for me, sugar. Let me spank you with that new whip.”
You nodded enthusiastically. Jack reached down and released each ankle, and then helped you flip over onto your knees. You braced yourself on your elbows with your wrists still bound, and the sight of the bright white ropes against your skin sent a delicious shudder down your nerves, stiffening your nipples and raising goosebumps on your shoulders.
Jack kneeled behind you and spanked your ass cheek experimentally with an open palm, gauging your reaction. You let out a soft, “Oh…” at the first several slaps. He increased the pressure, sending your hips canting forward a few inches as you moaned.
“Oh, Jaaack…” you breathed out the words. “Oh, you’re so good to me.”
Jack picked up the flogger and brought it down on the other cheek. His first whips were soft, barely harder than a tickle. He was waiting for you to guide him.
“Harder,” you urged. He smoothed your buttocks with his warm hand and then brought the leather strings down with a crack that sounded sharper than it was. You egged him on, “Harder, I said. Make it count!”
Jack gave you one solid crack and you cried out. His voice was gruff and sandpapery. “Like that, sugar? You like it when I spank you?”
“Yes, Jack. More… please.” You rocked your hips back and lowered your shoulders to raise your butt higher. “Give it to me. Please, sir.”
Jack alternated open-palm slaps against your ass with strikes of the short whip, lashing you until your cries reached a squeaky high pitch. He stopped and smoothed his warm palms over your skin, then leaned down and lavished open-mouthed kisses on the area.
“You nice and wet now, honey? You ready for me again?” He pressed the head of his cock to your slick entrance and paused.
“Yes Jack, yes please. Get inside of me.”
Jack thrust inside of you, hard, and it sent your head reeling. He skated one big, warm, flat palm over your sweetly abused ass, murmuring praises at you as he pounded steadily into you. You raised yourself back up on your elbows for stability.
“You’re my fucking dream girl, you sweet thing. Can’t believe I got so fucking lucky with you…” He gripped your hips with both hands as he pounded into you, then he leaned over to growl into your ear as he wrapped one large hand around the front of your throat.
“You like that, you fucking dirty girl? You filthy little angel? You’re such a sweet girl, letting me fuck you like this.”
You leaned forward just an inch, increasing the pressure on your throat as he continued to grunt into your ear. The sensation of his warm breath on your ear combined with the delicious feeling of his thick fingers around your neck, and you felt yourself clench around his cock.
Jack’s speech started faltering, interspersed with thrusts and groans. You knew he was getting close. “You-” his breath hitched. “Fucking... fucking pretty girl. Fucking-” He groaned again. “...goddamn gorgeous girl… Fuck!”
His hand tightened just a little around your throat and you felt your pussy clench again, sending him over the edge. He let go of your neck and bent over your back, resting his sweaty forehead between your shoulder blades as he rocked into you. You felt him, hot and sticky against your skin as he released into you.
You collapsed onto the bed and he lay on top of you. Your breathing slowed together as you both came back to Earth.
---
“Was that a good welcome home?” You leaned over to Jack’s side of the bed and held a chocolate-covered strawberry up to his lips. He took a bite and moaned. You giggled contentedly and tapped the rim of your champagne flute to his. He nodded at you and swallowed, washing the bite down with a sip of pink champagne.
“Yes, sugar, thank you. That was amazing.” He wrapped his free arm around your shoulders and pulled you close. “I know it’s been a rough year, but I feel like we’re getting back on track in the bedroom. I’ve missed you like this.”
You looked up at him and smiled. “I missed you, too, Jack. Happy Father’s Day.”
---
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#pedro pascal fic#pedro pascal x you#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal characters#agent whiskey x you#agent whiskey x reader#agent jack whiskey daniels
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The Destructive Secret
Chapter 7
A/N- I'm back! At least I think I am 😂 I wrote this while I was struggling with writer's block so I don't think it's great but the next chapter I'm working on I feel back to the old me 🥳🤞
Summary- Are your lies finally going to catch up to you?
Word count- 2.8K
Pairing- Chris Hems x reader x Liam Hems
Warnings- Mature themes, cheating, swearing, smut
Strictly 18+ only!
Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.
Posted: 2nd Sept 2021
Taglist:- @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke
@chickensarentcheap @jjpogueprincess @longlostinanotherworld
@mostly-marvel-musings @darklydeliciousdesires
@monet-belle
The Destructive Secret Masterlist <
The guy turned to leave before looking back over his shoulder at the door, his hand on the door handle.
"If it makes any difference I would choose you over your brother any day." He winked as he left the room.
"What the actual fuck." You shout, storming out of the bathroom in a huff. "There's no way he's gunna stay quiet, it'll be all over the press come tomorrow." You paced the room, your heart beating fast as the adrenaline rushed through you. This was it, this was how it was all going to end. Liam would know as soon as he saw the headlines, all those late night and weekend conferences at the same time as Chris was conveniently away with work.
"To be fair, he does have good taste in men." Chris' usual nonchalance annoyed you, how come he could stay so calm? Why did he make you sound like a crazy person for actually worrying about what might happen.
"It's really not funny Chris, do you want our business known by strangers before we even have chance to speak to Liam and your Mom Chris, she's going to hate me." You feel the warm tears dripping down your cheeks before you even register you're crying. The thought of their mom hating you upsets you more than the thought of Liam hating you. Cathy, their mom was like your own mother, from day one she'd taken you under her wing.
"My Mom would love you no matter what, you know she thinks of you as her own daughter. It's me she's going to blame, Liam's her baby."
"Yeah you're probably right but still what are we gunna do?"
"Let's relax babe, you don't know what's going to happen and you can't change it if it does happen so what's the use in worrying about it. Come here."
"You piss me off Chris, you're so laid back. This isn't something you can just sweep under the carpet. It's serious." You needed to take your anger out on him, to let it all out so you could feel better. The four walls of the hotel room were becoming claustrophobic, you wish you could just put your headphones on and just run for a while to clear your head, that's what you usually did.
"I know it is but what can we do? I've done everything we can do, now it's out of our hands. We'll work it out tomorrow, can we enjoy our last night together without all the serious talk?" He raises his eyebrow at you, smiling that sweet, goofy smile of his that has your heart melting.
"You piss me off even more when you look at me like that. I can't stay mad at you and how could I say no to that?" You put your arms around his back, loving the way his height makes you feel so small and safe. He wraps his arms around you, stroking your hair and holding you close.
"That's why I love you yanno."
"Why?" You ask, looking up at him through your eyelashes, your neck stretching to reach his height.
"Because you never say no." He laughs, a real laugh that you can feel on his toned stomach, shaking against you. It was the best feeling hearing him laugh like that, it'd been so long since you'd heard him laugh. Your life being full of a lot of drama and upset recently that you were appreciative of the little time you had left together.
"Maybe I should start then." You pout pretending to sulk.
"No way, I love how easy you are." He picks you up so you can wrap your legs around him, looking down on him for once. You punch him lightly on his shoulder, still pouting. "Ok, ok I'll stop teasing. You know why I love you though."
"Tell me."
He sits down on the end of the bed with you still in his arms, resting on his great big, thick thighs. He moves your hair behind your ears so he can see your face, studying it carefully with a look of adoration in his eyes.
"I love you because you're absolutely drop dead gorgeous, I mean the first time I met you, you literally knocked the air from my lungs. I've been obsessed with you ever since." He shuffles slightly beneath you, getting himself comfy. "This would never have happened with just anyone, I'm not a dick that goes around sleeping with his brothers girls." You give him a questioning look, your eyebrows furrowing. "Seriously, it took fucking everything in me to try and resist you. I'd never felt that before, never been one of them that wants what they can't have. Until I met you. Fuck me you were an absolute bombshell." You frown at him. "Are, still are a bombshell, don't look at me like that." He laughs.
"Tell me more." You whisper, feeling yourself tear up at his revelations as you run your hand through his hair, his eyes closing as you do.
"Am I stroking your ego?" He smiles slyly. "Do you remember the first time you met me?"
"Of course I do, me and Liam had already been together a year but you'd been in Australia. I was eighteen, young and dumb..."
"And full of..."
"Do not even finish that sentence, you're ruining the moment." He laughs at you but quickly gets back to being serious.
"You were eighteen and ridiculously mature for your age, I was twenty six and still acted like a teenager. I remember you walking in in that little denim skirt and tank top, smiling at me with that beautiful smile. The first thing I noticed was your eyes, the way they lit up when you smiled. You had me right at that moment, I was smitten. Then you introduced yourself as Liam's girlfriend and my heart sank."
"I can't believe you remembered what i was wearing, it was twelve years ago." You kiss his forehead, holding his face in your hands. So glad you had the opportunity to talk like this, knowing all this made you know you hadn't made a mistake. "I was so nervous walking up to you, I'd only ever seen you on photos and crushing on you when you were in home and away. Then you're there in front of me looking sexy as hell and I knew I had to make a good impression."
"Little did you know, five years later I'd be bending you over that table and giving you everything you'd been searching for?" He questioned, raising his eyebrow at you with a smirk.
"No, dick! Little did I know you'd sweep me off my feet and make me question everything I ever knew."
"I am a dick but that's why you love me isn't it?"
"Your ego definitely doesn't need stroking. I fell in love with Liam when I was still a girl and I fell in love with you when I was a woman. People change, needs change and..."
"And I give you everything you need." His hand travelled to your ass pulling you into him, pressing against his growing erection.
"You do, you need to work on your arrogance though." You laugh. "But seriously I'm done with all this now, we can't go on like this anymore. I want all of you, all of the time."
"So you've made your decision." His lips part, his head resting against your forehead.
"Was there ever any doubt?" You question, running your finger over his lip and grinding against him subtly making him groan.
"Fuck Y/N, I fucking love you so much it's crazy." He says through gritted teeth, holding the small of your back as you raise your hips, your face contorting with need. "What would you do if I asked you to marry me?" His hand travelled down the back of your shorts, cupping your ass in his hands.
"What do you think?" You tease, taking his bottom lip in your teeth and pulling gently.
"I don't know, that's why I'm asking." His face was set seriously, he wasn't joking, he wanted to marry you.
"Of course I'd say yes, once we'd dealt with everything." You smile watching his face light up.
"You're going to be Mrs Hemsworth and mine, not Liam's. I can't fucking wait." He picks you up, gripping your ass making you squeel before planting you back on the bed on your back.
Leaning over you, his palm caressing your stomach, kneeding your breasts with his long fingers. His erection poking into your clothed heat.
"You're so fucking perfect, are you ready to cause destruction?"
"Like now, in bed or?..."
"You know what I mean." He laughs, reaching down to attach his lips to your neck, sucking gently.
"If it means I get you then yeah, I'm ready."
"Right answer. You've made me the happiest fucking man in the world yanno?" His hand moves under your top, pushing it up to your chin as his lips finally meet yours. Kissing you deeply with everything he's got, your body rising from the bed to meet his.
"I think... I can... Make you even happier." You say between kisses, pushing down his boxers, your nails scratching his skin gently as you do.
He rests on one elbow watching you free his cock from its barrier. You cup his balls in your hand, stroking along the length of his cock with the other. He groans, pushing himself into your hands.
"I'll be happier once I'm buried inside this perfect pussy." He kneels between your legs, pulling your panties off before hovering back over you.
"Go slow baby, I want to feel everything." You whisper.
"Fuck, I can't guarantee how long I'll last." He moans, lining himself up and slipping in making you both moan as his cock stretches your walls perfectly.
He rests on his elbows, holding your face in his hands as he gently thrusts into you, wrapping your legs around him and pushing him in further, deeper. Hitting your spot with the curl of his hips, agonisingly slowly. You look into each others eyes, his forehead resting against yours. Tears in your eyes from the intense intamacy.
"I love you Y/N." He declares gruffly, his voice deep with lust.
"I love you too." You whimper.
Moaning everytime his thighs connected with yours, flesh slapping together, bringing your hips up to meet him. Him grunting with every thrust, your sex noises filling the otherwise silent room. The sound like a symphony to your ears, turning you on even more to hear his exclamations of ecstacy.
"It's always been you Chris." You whisper, making his pace become sloppy, losing his composure and restraint at your words. You can see it on his face as it twists, his cock twitching inside of you.
"Come for me baby." He grits his teeth, the muscles in his jaw tightening as his body goes rigid.
"Ah fuck." He brings you over the edge with the last of his powerful thrusts, your legs shaking around him, the feeling of satisfaction melting through your body simultaneously. A proud look on his face as you both come together and he falls limply onto your sweat laced body.
You stay like that for a while, both enjoying the moment, his cock still twitching inside of you. The heaviness of his body burying you into the mattress but you don't complain.
You don't want him to move, you want to memorise the feel of his heaviness and how his cock feels inside of you. How his rough face feels against your smooth skin, his hair tickling under your chin. You trace the muscles on his back, the defined shoulders and lean waist. Your hands gripping his tight, round ass and you close your eyes, remembering every dip and ripple, dreading the thought of being without him in your arms for at least another couple of weeks.
"I don't know how I'm going to watch you walk away tomorrow." He rolls on to his side, pulling you into him. "I think that's the hardest thing to deal with out of everything."
"I was just thinking the same thing." You looked up at him through your eyelashes, your fingers brushing against his tight pecs. "You know we've been doing this for nearly 6 years now and I don't think I've ever felt as close to you as I do now. It's going to be even harder for me to leave this time."
"I don't even want to think about it but we only have hours left together, what's our plan?"
"You mean when and how do we tell Liam?" You ask sitting cross legged in the bed, reality kicking back in. You have to go home to Liam and leave Chris all over again, back to the lies and sneaking about.
"That and when am I going to be able to see you again? I don't want to wait as long as last time, you know how crazy i start getting when I don't see you."
"We've got your cousin's wedding next week. I'll see you there." You risk a glance at him, pain set on his face.
"You'll see me but you'll be arm in arm with Liam and I'll be alone again."
"How about once the weddings over and done with, we can tell Liam about us?" You watch his face change, like a little boy.
"A week? I can do that, I think. But I'm not going to the wedding alone."
"What do you mean? A date? With who?" Panic laced in your voice.
"I don't know but I'm sure I won't be short of options."
"Are you fucking with me? Liam thinks you're dating a married woman, where you going to find one of those?"
"I don't know but I'm not turning up to a family party on my own again, my aunties can be fucking brutal."
"Well don't expect to playing all happy families and me being all nice." You sulk.
"Are you jealous?"
"Yeah, duhh."
"Come here." He pulls you into arms wrapping his legs around yours. Comfortable silence drifting over you both as he strokes your hair and you fall asleep in his arms.
***********
You wake up in the morning smiling, then remembering what day it is and that you have to leave to go back to boring reality and your smile fades. Chris stirring beside you, his muscly arm resting over your stomach, locking you in place.
"Chris, wake up." You whisper in his ear, admiring his sleepy, perfect face. "It's 9.30 we've gotta check out at 10." He makes an unrecognisable sound of exasperation, his eyes opening, puffy with sleep or lack of in this case.
"Aww man, can't we just stay in bed a little longer, I don't wanna let you go."
"You need to go check out first so we don't leave the hotel at the same time."
"Fuck sake. Back to reality it is then." He says all hint of jokiness gone from his tone as he sits up and rubs his eyes.
"I'm afraid so, I need to go grab my things. Text me when you've left please."
"Wow! I feel used, do I not even get a kiss before you run out on me?"
"I was just dealing with the business before I dealt with the pleasure, like I'd just leave without giving you a kiss." You threw yourself on him, wrapping your legs around him as he leant against the headboard. Taking his lips in yours, open mouthed kisses that left you both breathless.
*****
You packed up the couple of things you'd actually taken out of your pull along suitcase, you'd spent most of the weekend naked or slobbing about in Chris' t-shirts so all your clothes were still folded and packed.
You were anxious about going home to Liam and having to pretend again, having to try and not slip up about where you'd actually been. You literally had to go through possible conversations in your mind, conjuring up imagined answers to Liam's possible questions so you didn't get caught out. It was hard work.
Then you got the text from Chris telling you he was out of the hotel and on the road back home, followed by how much of a good weekend he'd had and how much he loves you.
You couldn't help having a spring to your step as you walked through the lobby, a weekend full of love making and reminiscing would have that effect on anyone.
After you'd checked out, the anxiety set in, like stepping out of this hotel would be like stepping in to an alternate universe. A universe that wasn't simple and easy like it had been this weekend but stepping through those revolving doors would mean that will all end. This safe feeling of being alone, away from prying eyes would end as soon as you stepped foot outside and it did, a ominous feeling sweeping over you, goosebumps covering your flesh. Maybe you conjured up the feeling in your own mind, manifesting it into existence but you couldn't shake it.
A feeling of being watched, was it your imagination or not? You didn't know, all you knew was how much you wanted to get out of public and back home. As you stood in front of the hotel, picking up your suitcase to carry it down the stairs, something caught your eye. A flash. And then another flash coming from your peripheral.
#smut#chris hemsworth#chris hemsworth fanfic#chris hemsworth smut#chris hemsworth x reader#chris hemsworth x you#chris hemsworth thor#chris hems x oc#chris hems x you
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I have been spending the last four hours switching between googling the cheapest cities to live in where weed is legal and you won't get gang-raped for being Trans-spec, googling countries that will pay you to move there and be a warm body in a village, and considering checking myself in for a 72-hour suicide hold.
I went to my mom, sister, and brother's house and wound up telling them about the situation, which is - we're supposed to be out of here this weekend and we have nowhere to go because our transitional housing fell through. I'm Feeling a lot of Feels because I already have put Kono through hell by rehoming her with my brother, I can't seem to make money to save my life, I'm on a new ADHD med, I'm Tired of fighting life all the time, and I am possibly going to be homeless after this weekend. Anyway.
My sister and I got into a screaming match because I am having a mental breakdown and mom and her kept trying to solve shit, and I talked to three different case workers today with three different areas of expertise, as well as my own searching skills (which are pretty damn good), and none of us has found a solution. I meant it in a, "Hey, could you STOP because I'm already PANICKING and NOT NEAR ANY KLONOPIN," kind of way but instead, I chose violence and said, "What makes y'all think you're gonna find a solution the four of us couldn't?" You know, how you do.
And my sister got snippy, and my mom did a little too but I think she understood more that I was Freaking Out. She understands a little more than my sister does the concept of imminent homelessness and what it means. My sister has mostly had housing guaranteed her entire life. Mom and I haven't. So I think she kind of understood a little more. She was still pissed tho.
Shit came to a boil and I exploded because of some shit my sister said, and I said some shit back, and she said she wasn't gonna help and to get the fuck out, etc. My niece was freaking out during all of this, too - I'm convinced she has PTSD because of her dad, but my sister doesn't believe in mental illness or something nowadays so idk what to do about it.
I blocked her on all platforms because every time I talk to her, I feel like I'm being done a favor to be held over my head, or just bad about myself. And yeah, that's probably an indication that I need to switch up my antidepressants, but she refuses to even take hers. And I was already... Not well, mentally. My mom sarcastically told me that that would help the problem and I responded and she hasn't responded back so I'm gonna just assume I'm persona non grata for the next few days. It's fine. 🙃
When I got home, I had to pee, and when I finished I just stared at all of the pills I have in stock, to manage all of the things that are wrong with Raven and I. I know the right combinations to make me go to sleep peacefully and then just go. I even know what the dosages should be for someone of my height, weight, and drug tolerance. It wasn't good.
I guess I should be thrilled that my gun didn't even enter my mind as a way to kill myself - I don't even want to kill other things with it. It's a threat display, not a means to an end. So... Yay?
Raven was there in the most awesome ways possible. I am not gonna go into that because I don't want to discuss how shitty I was being and feeling but Raven helped. A lot.
So I learned that 1. My sister needs to fix her shit. 2. I need to fix my shit. 3. Guns aren't even on my radar as a suicide method, score one for staying alive today, 4. Raven is amazing. 5. Italy looks nice. 6. I'm fucked.
I'm just... Tired. You know? I'm tired of fighting the system tooth and nail to survive. I'm tired of not being able to work. I'm tired of having shitty knees that are going to take DoorDashing away from me soon enough - the pain I'm in while driving is immense. I'm tired of being in pain, all the time, and of having to just grit my teeth because I dislike narcotics. I'm tired of capitalism making me feel like a failure, and I'm tired of not being able to work hard enough to be a success despite that. I'm tired of being a flake and not being able to do anything by myself anymore. I'm tired of memory loss and being so reliant on pills that make my stomach hurt and being pushed towards dementia early to get a tiny bit of function. I'm tired of not being able to shower every day or do the dishes every evening. I'm tired of not being able to cook because standing upright is Too Much.
I'm tired.
I'm just tired.
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TW. ED VENT.
May 14, 2021. Cal count: idefk
I'm so disgusted with myself and I gotta get it out. Little bit of back story here, yesterday was my mom and sister birthday and they planned a trip to the ocean for the weekend. They wanted me to come with if I was still off work from an injury. Checked in with the Dr. and I'm still out for a while, so I went with. Got myself a new swimsuit and sandals. Completely forgot how hard I've binged the week I've been out of work on OJI. We drove the 4 hours out and are hanging out. It's cool. Sister and her friend that came with wanted to go to the pool which was expected. I went into the bathroom and changed into my new swimsuit. Size is perfect but.. the way my body looks in it.. I almost had a meltdown looking in the mirror. Why do I look like this. Why did I eat so much. I was doing so well. I hardly ate and got to one of my weight goals. I probably went right back up to where I started. I'm gonna lose my mind. I'm here with family for their birthday and can't skip out on eating the whole time.. I'm so stressed ... I don't wanna make them think anything is wrong. But I can't handle the monstrosity I see in the mirror. I sat poolside in sweats and a hoody the whole time. I couldn't do it. Couldn't just get over it and go swimming with my sister. I feel like a bad big sister.. I'll make it up to her. I'll take her to go get nails done or something... I hate this. I care breaking my fasts and binging. If I could just stick to it, I'd be a million times happier. Why am I like this?
#imagine weightloss#weightloss#safe for ana#thin inspo#tw#ana fast#ana safe food#i need to lose this weight#safefoods#working out#need to lose more weight#tw weight#tw ana#tw ed things#disordered eating tw#tw ed talk#ed vent#ed things#tw ed#not pro just me#i want to be skinny#wannabe skinny#skinny#thinsp0#thin inspiration#ana#tw eating things#ed blog
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