#i'll have to start figuring out one while i start plotting chapter 2 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fyorina · 20 days

Text

ᡣ𐭩 ICARION

FEATURING: beast dazai osamu

SUMMARY: dazai had known he was flying too close to the sun, he should have stopped himself while he still had the chance. {wordcount: 11.5k; fem!reader, romance & tragedy}

AUTHOR'S NOTES: installment fiveeeee otherwise known as part 2 of installment four LOL! ugh guys i'm dragging myself thru the trenches right now i'm so miserable - i wasn't even up to posting this today i won't lie but </3 i pulled thru </3 if only barely. fun fact this is actually only a 3 scene chapter but the second scene is just MASSIVE. i wasn't up to restructuring so you guys are just going to get it as it is. this is also unedited because i just wasn't up to it so bear with me regarding mistakes. JUST TO REMIND YOU ALL: the last installment is DELAYED - i have 3 finals next week and haven't had the time to finish it. it will be up by the end of may </3 sorry guys. wow this actually is attempt number three trying to post this correctly - i'm so shot

IMPORTANT NOTE FOR 17 & UNDER FOLLOWING THE SERIES: partially copy and pasted from badlands - if you guys read badlands, you know the deal. y'all knew what you were getting into. this is the smut chapter. but again, i'm not going to ask y'all to not interact/read a whole 12k chapter just because there's 4k words of smut, but i am going to say here the smut is in the SECOND scene. there is very little plot development in the smut itself, so i ask you guys, again, to respectfully scroll past it. i'll make the sentence when the smut starts red like this so you know that's when it starts, and then you can continue reading at the next divider. thank you for understanding! there is NO plot development in the smut, i'll reiterate that at the end where i put the summary in badlands, i restructured to make sure none of it was in it.

SMUT WARNINGS: unprotected sex, dazai cries </3 poor baby, sub!dazai, as always pussy drunk!dazai, bit of overstim on dazai's part too, jfhsuhdfsu i will say it starts on the bathroom floor so that might be a bit gross to some of you but dazai hardly even uses his apartment anyway so trust it's clean. bear with me. it just flowed from there i had to go with it. the story writes itself, i'm only the scribe. LOL let me know if i missed anything, i might have

SEE: UNREAL UNEARTH SERIES MASTERLIST READ: BADLANDS SIDE A

Dazai is hardly listening to the conversation at hand. They’ve been going back and forth for thirty minutes about inconsequential matters. Tolstoy is getting increasingly heated as he goes tit-for-tat with Nabokov, evidently the tripartite alliance between the Russian mafias is not quite enough to quell all of the bad blood that’s simmered between them, but something about the situation isn’t sitting right to Dazai. He can feel it in his gut, swirling in the depths of his chest—something is wrong but he doesn’t know what.

Mishima looks equally put out, gaze trained on Tolstoy and Nabokov’s conversation, occasionally looking back at his executives. Cao seems bored, head tilted back against the red cushions of the round booth as he smokes a cigarette; in all regards, he seems relaxed, but Dazai notices the way the fingers of his free hand are tense on the table, as if he’s bracing himself for something.

Something isn’t right.

Dostoevsky is cunning. Intelligent. He’s been lethally sharp in every universe that the other Dazais have encountered him in. He wouldn’t send Tolstoy and Nabokov into this meeting with them at each other’s throats like this without an ulterior reason. Dazai is missing something critical; he knows it’s not something as simple as wanting to give off the appearance of a divided front as means to get Dazai and Mishima to lower their guard. Nothing is that easy. There’s some ulterior motive that Dazai has to figure out.

Cao’s presence. Tolstoy and Nabokov’s blatant hostility toward one another. Mishima’s words from earlier, warning him that something seems to be brewing, that Tolstoy and Nabokov had been on edge since he arrived at the event hall. Dazai’s head hurts, and he can’t focus, not when you’re in the other room without him.

Already, he feels as if he’s been separated from you for too long, he’d been hoping this meeting was only going to last thirty minutes at most, and it’s been thirty minutes already and hardly any progress has been made. If Dazai didn’t know any better, he’d think that…

He’d think that Tolstoy and Nabokov were stalling.

At once, Dazai starts catching onto the things that he missed. The way Nabokov keeps glancing up at the clock on the wall above Cao. The way Tolstoy’s gaze keeps flickering to his phone. The way Cao’s attention seems to be elsewhere.

Cao Xueqin. A Dream of Red Mansions. A scrying ability.

His heartbeat slows and Dazai blinks. Once. Twice. Blood roars in his ears as his gaze twists down to where his phone is laying on the table in front of him, on its face. Tachihara should have texted him to let him know that he got to you. Him or Chuuya. He usually reports to Chuuya anyway, so Dazai figured that Chuuya would’ve gotten the confirmation. He turns his head to the side to look at the executive from the corner of his eye, trying to keep his breath as slow and steady and natural as possible when he realizes that Chuuya is frowning with furrowed brows, looking at his phone. Unsure.

Dazia reaches for his own phone, fingers deceptively steady despite the way his insides are curdling with a sudden jolt of anxiety. His eyes zero in on the top right corner of his phone. No signal. Dazai has been to this event hall countless times in this life and dozens of others—there’s always service throughout the building.

Unless it’s being jammed, that is.

Dazai’s blood runs cold, gaze dragging from his phone to the door that leads to the hallway connecting to the event hall where you are. He feels as if he’s been doused with icy water and lit on fire all at once. For a second, he doesn’t move—he’s not sure if it’s anxiety or fear, or both, but he knows it’s because you’re out there and Dostoevsky is plotting something while trying to keep him out of the picture in this meeting.

He should have known better. Mishima had assumed that Dostoevsky wasn’t in the building—he had his three best scouts prowling the whole building trying to place the real leader of the tripartite but had failed. Nabokov had apparently told him that Dostoevsky had to stay back to handle residual business in Russia, a blatant lie, one that has had Mishima on edge all night.

The one with the overcoat. The clown.

Dazai stills as he remembers the white haired man who hung around Dostoevsky in some of the other universes. Not all of the other Dazais encountered him—in fact, Dazai thinks there were only half a dozen other universes where he met the man, he can hardly remember his name, but when he did…

Spatial linking. Of course Mishima’s men hadn’t been able to hunt down Dostoevsky. Dostoevsky would’ve predicted that the Sun and Steel would seek out the mastermind with their scouts. He used the clown to enter the building without anyone knowing after the scouts finished their hunt.

Dazai had missed a critical piece on the board.

Dazai rises to his feet abruptly, mind numb, eyes distant, and lips parted to speak but no words escape them. Tolstoy and Nabokov exchange a sharp, pointed look, pausing in their hostilities, and Dazai knows. He knows.

Dostoevsky is going after you.

He hears Chuuya and Kouyou calling after him but it sounds like a distant buzz. His throat feels clogged, his heartbeat is erratic and uncontrollable, his ears are ringing. His surroundings are blurry, a part of him doesn’t even know where he is: the event hall, your apartment, in the cafe below the Armed Detective Agency, it’s all blurring together.

This is it.

His vision swims and his head spins. The hallway seems impossibly long, much longer than it was to walk to the room. He can hear Chuuya spitting curses, scrambling out of the room, and he’s sure that his other executives and the other mafiosos aren’t far behind, but Dazai’s mind is on a single track. He doesn’t know how fast he’s moving—fast enough that Chuuya is chasing after him but can’t catch him. Something is heavy and cool in his hand—his gun—numb fingers moving to click the safety off.

This is it.

He might enter that hall and find you dead, slumped over the bar he’d last seen you sitting at, blood splattered across your face. Limp, cold. Just like you were on your bedroom floor. In the booth at the cafe. He’s pulling you from the water. He’s screaming for Yosano when he’s with the Agency. He’s screaming for Mori when he’s with the Mafia. Sometimes he’s alone, and he has no one to call for help, so all he can do is hold you and cry.

It’s his fault. He knew this would happen from the beginning. He knew that being with you would lead you to the same fate that you’ve met in every other universe because of him. He knew that being with you would be your death sentence, but he couldn’t stop himself.

His vision swims again, the red and gold patterns on the walls of the event hall are indistinct blobs, he feels someone try to grab his wrist—Chuuya, probably—but Dazai rips himself free and pushes himself into the event hall.

He ignores the eyes on him and the way people all instinctively move away from the sight of him with his gun out, he’s sure he must look deranged but he’s hardly even keeping himself grounded to this reality. Pages pile around him, every single one has variations of the same scene that’s haunted him for almost eight years written on it; one is being written before his eyes, he can see the words appearing on the blank sheet. He needs to find you before it’s complete. He has to stop it.

His eyes cut across the room, toward the bar he’d last seen you at, and you’re there. You’re there. It’s almost enough to make him scramble to put his gun away, cover up his steep spiral of paranoia even if you are looking right in his direction and see the gun in his hand. He can hardly come to terms with the consequences of this, how you’re seeing him right now, because his gaze tunnels right in on the person sitting next to you and his world comes to a halt.

He lifts the gun. He ignores as people shriek and scramble to the edges of the room. He ignores the look on your face as he moves closer to where you’re sitting with Fyodor Dostoevsky. He ignores the way Chuuya and Kouyou and Piano Man have all skid to a stop somewhere behind him, trying to figure out what to do. Dostoevsky’s hand is mere inches away from brushing against your body, it would only take the slightest movement and you would be dead. It would be a game of who’s faster: Dazai’s trigger finger or Dostoevsky’s ability. Dazai’s always been quick to pull the trigger but now, faced with your life on the line, when he should be at his best because of what’s at risk, he finds himself scared and unsteady.

He can’t lose you. He can’t watch it happen.

He paces toward you slowly, steadily, he swears each step he takes echoes across the suddenly silent event hall. He doesn’t stop until the muzzle of his gun is pressed against the back of Dostoevsky’s head.

“Stand up.” Dazai’s voice is deceptively cold and steady for the rage and fear that’s clawing at his chest, threatening to take control.

Dostoevsky turns his head to the side to look at Dazai, faint amusement in his eyes. “Are you sure you really want to do this here, Dazai?”

The mocking lilt his voice takes is almost enough alone for Dazai to pull the trigger. And if that wasn’t, the way Dostoevsky smiles at Dazai like he’s won is certainly enough to push him over the edge.

Before he can, he feels Chuuya grab his bicep hard.

“You can’t do this here,” he hisses quietly. “If you kill him now on neutral territory, we’ll have all of the mafias in the Eastern Hemisphere coming after you and the government on your ass. You can’t do this here and you can’t do it in public.”

Dazai doesn’t care. He doesn’t care how many mafias come after him for killing on neutral territory when invited as a guest. He doesn’t care that the government will come after him for such a blatant murder. All he cares about is getting Dostoevsky away from you.

“Chuuya is right,” Kouyou murmurs, low enough for only Dazai to overhear. “We can cover this up as is. If you pull the trigger, there’s no hiding what happened here. You know better than this, boy. You won’t be the only person this affects if you do this. Think of her. She will be implicated for coming here with you. Lower the gun and let us handle sweeping this under the rug.”

Dazai can’t even bring himself to look at you. He’s scared of what he might find. But he doesn’t even consider lowering the gun, not until Dostoevsky raises his hands and slips off the bar stool to step away from you. Even when he does, Dazai keeps it trained on him, still tempted to blow his head right off his shoulders.

“I meant no harm,” Dostoevsky says smoothly. “I was intrigued, wanted to know the girl who’s managed to capture your interest. I must say, I see the appeal. Beautiful and intelligent, you have quite the eye, Dazai.”

Dazai’s lips stretch into a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. It’s not kind, and it’s mildly feral, and Dazai’s pretty sure he must look entirely deranged from the way Dostoevsky’s eyes widen in a mixture of surprise and entertainment, just enough to be noticeable.

“If you ever go near her again, I’ll put a bullet through your fucking skull, Dostoevsky.”

He should do it now. He should. Fuck Chuuya and Kouyou’s warnings, he should put a bullet in his head and be done with it, move onto handling Christie so that both of the major threats to your life are gone. But he can’t. If he takes this opportunity now, if he kills Dostoevsky so blatantly on neutral territory, the Pale Flame and Three Deaths will come at him in full force, and Dazai is sure the Red Chamber won’t be far behind them with Cao’s recent interest in expanding his business into Japan. And you’ll be caught in the crossfire of all of it, Dazai has ensured that by bringing you here. Dostoevsky must have accounted for all of this. He knew that Dazai would be put in a situation where either way, whether he kills him or lets him go, he’d be throwing himself onto a blade.

Is that it? Killing you wasn’t the goal, was it? Exposing Dazai was. Forcing him into this impossible decision.

Did he really just fall into Dostoevsky’s hands so easily? Even with all of the forewarning the other universes have given him?

It’s you. You always make him reckless, his mind is never as sharp whenever you’re involved, muddled with thoughts of you, plagued with spirals of paranoia and anxiety that make him double guess himself. It’s like this in every universe—he becomes stupid, he becomes rash, he becomes careless. It’s you.

You.

Suddenly very hyper aware of your eyes on him, Dazai lowers his gun, gaze turning in your direction. Dostoevsky lets out one last snide comment, something toward you, telling you ‘don’t you see’ but Dazai doesn’t even process it, heart in his throat as he looks at you. He doesn’t know what he expects—fear, betrayal, even anger. He’s not prepared for the emptiness. He can’t read a single emotion on your face, your eyes eerily void of any feeling as you stare at him.

He says your name quietly. His voice cracks. He should be embarrassed, so many people watching the scene play out, so many of his enemies and allies and subordinates, and he’s staring at you like a lost child with an unsteady voice, but he can’t bring himself to care. The fingers of his free hand are trembling, and the ones wrapped around the grip of his gun are so wound so tight that his knuckles are white.

You’ve never looked at him like this before. Not in any universe.

He thinks he might throw up.

You’ve been mad at him before, scowling at him whenever he distracts you from your work and snarling whenever he makes messes that he never cleans up, but your eyes always stay soft in spite of the venom you spit. He’s seen betrayal on your face a few times before, screaming at him through tears when he got a bit too close to a successful attempt, cursing at him for trying to leave you, but you hold him so gently that it makes up for the harsh words. You’ve been scared of him once, when he lashed out so badly during one of his slumps that he nearly hurt you, but even then, you were more concerned for him then you were scared for yourself, speaking to him softly to settle him down.

He’s never seen this. He wants it to go away. Desperately.

“I’d like to leave,” you finally say after a few moments of silence, and your voice is so vacant of emotion that it leaves him feeling even more sick.

Dazai nods, because he can’t bring himself to speak.

He holds his hand out for you, waiting for you to take it.

You don’t.

You haven’t spoken a word since the event hall, and Dazai doesn’t know what to do. He used to find peace in silence—for years, he’d become accustomed to it, isolating himself from everyone around him, keeping everyone at arm’s length. The most he ever spoke was a few sentences to give out orders to his executives; his voice had become hoarse and raspy over the years of self-imposed isolation, unused to being utilized. But the past few months with you have utterly obliterated any semblance of comfort Dazai had found in solidarity.

It’s become entirely intolerable, the silence is making him sick with anxiety; he has hundreds of lifetimes worth of memories with you and he can’t even vaguely predict what to expect from you right now. You’ve been tense and cold since leaving the event hall. Dazai tried to open up a conversation in the car once but found himself promptly ignored. Chuuya tried to say something to you but only received the same cold shoulder. Even Albatross tried to lighten the mood when the four of you got in the car, but all you did was stare out the window with your back to Dazai.

Now, you’re back up in his penthouse with him. You haven’t sat down. You’ve hardly budged from where you’re standing near the elevator—Dazai wonders if you’re scared of him now, if you want to be as close as possible to the only exit in fear of him lashing out at you. The thought makes him even more nauseous.

He doesn’t even know what to do with himself. He doesn’t want to sit down, he’s uncomfortable standing in the living room, waiting for you to say something, and he can’t bring himself to try to break the silence because if there’s one thing he learned very swiftly, it’s that he can’t handle being ignored by you. He’d prefer anger and hate to the stonewall iciness you’re giving him.

He can’t even fathom what you might be thinking right now. You’re not looking at him. You’re staring at the window that looks over the city, he can see the bright flashing lights from Cosmo World flickering faintly in your eyes. It’s so quiet that he can hear the distant honking of horns, police sirens coming from the streets below.

He just wants you to say something, do something. Yell at him. Scream at him. Hit him or punch him. Anything is better than this.

It feels like an eternity before you finally move away from the elevator. You still don’t speak, but Dazai watches raptly as you make your way into the kitchen. You fling open the cabinets, searching for something, and Dazai’s lips part to ask what you’re looking for but he decides against it. You stop with your jerky movements when you catch sight of the numerous bottles of sake Dazai has stored in his cabinets—room temperature, because Dazai can’t stand cold drinks, they make his teeth hurt. He watches you struggle to uncap it and his body itches to move toward you to help but he knows it won’t do any good. It’ll probably just piss you off more.

When you get the cap off, you’re immediately bringing it to your lips. One. Two. Three. Four large gulps before you put the bottle back down on the counter and turn to look at him. The emptiness in your eyes is gone, replaced by something caught between hurt and anger and betrayal. It makes his heart sink, but he thinks it’s preferable to the emptiness.

“You lied to me,” you finally rasp out, shaking your head as you pace behind the counter. There’s a whole length of a room separating the two of you and Dazai longs for your touch but he forces himself to stuff his hands in his pockets and keep still. “You lied to me, Dazai.”

“Osamu,” he corrects quietly without thinking, not liking the switch up. He’d finally gotten you to call him by his given name earlier in the night, he doesn’t want to lose it so quickly.

For the briefest of seconds, the hurt and betrayal in your eyes disappears and only fire rages in them. “Dazai,” you spit out pointedly.

Dazai almost draws back, not having expected that. In all of the other universes, you’ve always been gentle with him even when you’re livid. You speak his name softly, even with a tight jaw and fisted hands—his given name, you’ve never used his surname against him like this before. Probably because most of the major fights he had with you in those other lives, it was months into the relationship; it’s only been a few weeks in this life so of course-

Dazai realizes, a bit dizzy, that he’s about to lose you.

You found out too soon. You found out through Dostoevsky, through Dazai's own loss of control. You found out in the worst possible way and you found out too soon.

Dazai is about to lose you.

“Okay,” he murmurs, not wanting to test your temper anymore, giving in as a means to try to soothe your anger, regardless of how much it might wound him because being wounded is nothing compared to losing you. “Dazai.”

His compliance seems to do nothing to quell your anger from the way you just scoff and shake your head again, looking away from him. You stare out over the city, dozens of emotions cloud your expression but Dazai still can’t predict what you might do next. He feels out of his depth, in murky waters with an anchor tied to his ankle.

“I knew it, you know?” you finally say quietly. “I knew it from the beginning, honestly, but I kept making excuses for you. I mean, the guns. The secrecy. You weren’t really subtle about it. Did you think I was stupid, or something?”

“Never,” Dazai says honestly, without hesitation. He sees your gaze flicker down to the ground at his words, but you don’t make any move to speak again so he takes the opportunity to, in hopes that you’ll finally listen. “You’re the smartest woman I know. I-”

You interrupt him with a sharp laugh, it’s loud and almost cruel, and Dazai turns in on himself at the sound of it. He feels small and unsteady, like a child who’s being scolded by a parent. When you look at him again, your eyes are wide and wild, half-crazed in sheer disbelief. You don’t believe him. Of course, you don’t. It’s plainly displayed on your face. And why would you anyway? He’s given you every reason not to.

“If you think I’m so smart, why didn’t you think I would figure it out?”

He tries to say that he knew you would. That he’s been living in fear for weeks that you’d finally see him for what he is but when he opens his mouth to say it, no words leave him. Like he’s frozen in fear, ice crawling through his veins, stones weighing on his tongue; he can’t respond, and he knows that he’s only condemning himself more. He tries to force something out but he can’t even make the barest hint of a sound. The mindkiller. He’s never responded well to fear, much less when you’re involved.

You click your tongue, as if to solidify that his silence proves your point, or maybe you know what he can't bring himself to say and you just don't believe him. His stomach churns again, and dread spreads through chest when you say: “If I’m so smart, and I was going to figure it out anyway, why didn’t you just tell me?”

“You would have left.” Dazai is finally able to speak, but he speaks the wrong answer, clearly, from the way you let out another humorless, breathless laugh, eyes wide in disbelief. You look at him like he’s the most audacious man in the entire world. Maybe he is.

“Yeah, I would have,” you agree and Dazai flinches. “Without hesitation, without even looking back. And now, I can’t because you made me fall in love with you without even warning me about what I was getting myself into.”

Dazai’s heart should be leaping through the roof at your confession, but if anything, he feels even worse. His throat feels clogged and his chest feels so heavy. You’ve never regretted falling in love with him before. Not in any lifetime.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out, because he doesn’t know what else to say. The words are still foreign on his tongue, he doesn’t think he’s ever apologized to someone in this life before the last twenty-four hours.

“No, you’re not,” you say bitterly, looking away. “Isn’t this what you wanted? For me to care so much about you that when you finally tell me who you are and what you do, I won’t be able to leave.”

Dazai stares at you, lost. He remembers how just the other day he was finding comfort in the way you could read him so easily, knowing he didn’t have to speak for you to know what he needed at the moment. He thinks he hates it now, because you’re finally reading deeper into his soul and seeing him for the sick, twisted monster he really is. Just like he feared from day one. Manipulative. Selfish. Undeserving. His fingers tremble in his pockets, nails biting into his palm so deep that he can feel blood trickling down his skin, but not even the stinging pain can distract him from the numbness spreading through him.

“I didn’t-”

“Didn’t what?” you interrupt him. “You didn’t think I’d be upset? You didn’t think I’d be angry? Or maybe you didn’t think it would happen this soon? Is that it, Dazai? You thought you’d have more time to win me over in hopes that I’d take the news in stride. News flash, Dazai, no amount of time or charm would have made me accept this easily. Accept you easily. How could I ever accept any of this?”

Nausea rises to his throat so suddenly that he almost gags. He feels dizzy, taking a step back so that his back is against the wall, keeping him steady. Your last words echo through his head over and over again, he can’t escape them. The one person who’s always accepted him in every lifetime, the only person he was ever able to find a home in—how could I ever accept you?

His cheeks feel wet, his eyes are wide as he stares at you. He doesn’t know how to respond to that. He doesn’t even think he could if he knew how to respond to that. His lungs are burning and his throat feels so swollen that even just the thought of trying to speak is painful.

You let out a sharp breath, caught between a hysterical laugh and a sob as you press your hands to either side of your neck and pace across the kitchen. “What am I supposed to do, Dazai?” you ask, voice hoarse. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

He thinks it might be a rhetorical question, but he still forces out: “Don’t leave me.”

You scoff again, louder and harsher this time. Dazai’s eyes flutter shut as if to futilely minimize the blow. “I wish leaving you was still an option for me.”

Oh. He’s going to throw up.

He wants to blame it on the alcohol he drank earlier in the night. He wants to blame it on the stress of the past few weeks. He wants to blame it on anything but this, even though he knows damn well that this conversation is what triggered the bile that rises to his throat. He forces himself to move, nearly tripping over his feet to get to the bathroom because he doesn’t want you to see him vomiting up his guts.

He hardly makes it to the toilet, crashing to his knees and clutching at the seat as he dry heaves. Nothing comes up—he hasn’t eaten enough the past few days to have anything solid in him, too busy with preparations—but he can’t stop gagging, eyes stinging with tears and throat burning. He doesn’t know how long he stays crumpled at the toilet, losing track of time entirely, a part of him just wants to stay there forever so he doesn’t have to go back out and face you.

Evidently, he doesn’t have to go back out and face you because you come to him.

He’s gagging again when he feels your hand brush his back, hesitantly at first and then firmly. Your touch is warm, and Dazai thinks he must look pathetic as he turns his head to the side to look at you. Your expression isn’t as harsh now, your eyes are still conflicted but your face is softer. After a moment, you take a seat on the floor next to him—you don’t say anything, but you let out a soft puff of air as you slip your arm around his shoulders once he stops heaving.

He crumbles into your chest, body collapsing against yours. You wrap your arms around him, and at once, the numbness starts to fade away. His fingers clutch at your dress desperately, afraid that you’re going to disappear, but you only hold him tighter. You bury your face in his hair, forehead pressed to the top of his head.

“You’re so unfair, Osamu.” Your voice cracks, you’ve lost all of your fire, but Dazai finds no solace in it.

“I know,” he croaks out, throat scratchy and voice wavering. “I know.”

And then words are spilling from his lips before he can stop them, jumbled and hardly intelligible and he’s not even sure that you’re understanding what he’s saying but he can’t stop himself: “I tried. I tried to stay away, I tried so hard, you don’t understand. I knew it would turn out like this, I knew I would ruin you so I tried to stay away, but I’m selfish. I’m so selfish, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I knew better, I’m going to-you’re going to-”

The panic is returning, the words he wants to say but can’t push out are too damning: I’m going to get you killed. You’re going to die because of me. Dazai is breathing but the air isn’t getting to his lungs, his chest burns, and now even with your arms around him, the numbness is returning. It’s rapid now, spreading from his chest to his arms, down his abdomen to his legs; it’s going to consume him entirely, he can feel it, he can-

Oh.

Your lips press to his. Tilting his head back to angle his face up toward you, you lean down and press your lips against his, swallowing his words, his air, his panic. One of your hands cup his cheek while the other cradles the back of his head, Dazai can hardly kiss you back, his lips feel cold and prickly, but his eyes flutter shut as your lips move slowly and carefully against his.

Not for the first time, he thinks that he doesn’t deserve this. Especially not now. He tastes something wet and salty against his lips—he doesn’t know if you’re the one crying, or if he is, and he doesn’t want to know, so he forces himself to move. His arm feels heavy and clunky, and his fingers feel stiff, but he’s able to bring them up to your face, palms cupping your cheeks as the tips of his fingers tangle into your hair. He kisses you until his lungs are screaming for air, and even as he starts to feel lightheaded, he kisses you still, because your lips are the only thing able to push away the numbness overwhelming him.

When you break away from him, you keep your foreheads pressed together, nose nudging against his. You share the same thin sliver of air and Dazai feels dizzy, he wants to kiss you again but he doesn’t think he’s capable of moving yet, so he only stays crumbled in your arms, waiting for you to grace him with your lips again.

“I wish I still had the chance to be a better man,” Dazai says hoarsely, honestly, gaze searching yours desperately. “I would be. For you.”

Please believe me, he thinks to himself helplessly, because it’s the truth. He would try to be. For your sake. He might fail, he might be too far gone, his soul corrupted beyond salvation and his blood black beyond purification, but he would try. He would try so hard for you. But he can’t, not in this lifetime, not without risking everything he’s strove to protect since coming in contact with the Book. He has to stay the criminal, the monster, the demon so that you and Odasaku can live out your lives here. Until Dostoevsky, Christie, and any other person that could turn out to be a threat to either of you are killed, Dazai has to keep playing this role. He has to.

You don’t respond. Dazai thinks it’s because you don’t believe him and it makes him feel sick again. His lips part to repeat himself but you only press yours against his, as if to silence him.

You don’t believe him, the kiss confirms it, and his heart sinks but he can’t even bring himself to protest, to insist that it’s true. Instead, he decides if he can’t prove it through his words, he’ll prove it through his actions. Even though his limbs still feel leaden and clumsy, he forces himself into a better position, sitting up a bit more and bringing both of his hands up to cup your cheeks. He tilts your head back, leaning into you and slowly pressing you back against the floor and distantly Dazai recognizes that this is not the place for this but the thought is only fleeting, he’s too lost in the feeling of your lips against his and your body pressed to him.

And you let him ease you back against the floor. You let him tilt your head back and when his tongue darts out to swipe against your bottom lip, you part your lips for him. He doesn’t have to knock your knees apart, because you spread them just enough for him to slot his hips between them to keep your bodies flush. He wonders if you can feel how clunky his movements are—his fingers still feel heavy against your face and he can hardly hold himself up above you. He hopes he’s not crushing you with his weight, he might be, but you don’t seem to care.

He pulls back to ask if you’re okay with this but you chase his lips and he lets out a soft, muffled noise when you tug gently at his bottom lip and bring your free hand up to cup the back of his head, fingers tangling with his hair, pulling him back down to you. You drag your lips from his to slide them down his neck to the edge of his bandages. He twitches a bit at the feeling, wondering if you’re going to ask to take them off, but instead, you just trail your lips back upward, nipping at his jaw, and he shudders.

And then he finally hesitates, pulling away and not letting you chase after this time. He weighs his options in his head anxiously. He feels like he should do something, that he owes something—a lowering of a mask, a show of vulnerability, you’re entitled to at least that much after everything he’s done. Aren't you?

You give him a curious look and he tries to respond—he does, his lips part for him to speak but nothing leaves them. He swallows thickly, eyes fluttering shut as he braces himself before trying again, bringing one of his hands to yours and wrapping his fingers around it gently, lifting it from his chest to the bandages covering the left side of his face.

“Take them off,” he tells you, voice hoarse and shakier than he would have liked.

Your eyes widen, and he shudders a bit when your fingers smooth against the bandages, uncertain. “Are you sure?” you ask him softly, bringing your other hand to his opposite cheek, cupping his face in your hands again, eyes searching to make sure he means it.

Is he sure? Dazai doesn’t know. He can’t speak again as he stares down at you; a part of him is nervous, and he doesn’t even understand why. You already know who he is, what he is, but a part of him still fears that once you actually see him, something will change. And it’s ridiculous, so many other universes you’ve seen him without his bandages and you’ve never made him feel uncomfortable about it. But you’ve also never used his surname against him during an argument in the other universes, you’ve never regretted loving him, and you’ve certainly never wished you could leave him.

So, yeah, he thinks the anxiety of you removing his bandages and then seeing him in a different light might be more of a possibility in this universe than any other one. His body is more covered in scars than not, and he knows it’s not attractive; he thinks if he sees your expression shift in a negative way when the bandages come off, it might shatter him entirely.

Just the face bandages then, he bargains with himself, swallowing thickly as he forces himself to nod. You sit up from where you’re still laying back against the tiles, propping yourself on your knees to shift closer to him.

Dazai thinks his heart might be in his throat when he feels your fingers unclip the clasp holding the bandages together around the left side of his face, eyes fluttering shut as you slowly unwind them from around his head. He isn’t sure why he’s so nervous for this part—there are no scars on his face, but he still feels distinctly vulnerable, like he’s giving you a window into himself that might reveal more than he means to. He can barely breathe as he feels the last of the bandages fall to the floor, he can hear you push them to the side.

Still, he keeps his eyes shut, counting each second that passes. He’s anxious, can’t even bring himself to look at you until you cup his cheeks again.

“Look at me,” you say quietly.

Dazai does as you ask, he always does. He doesn’t know what he expects when he opens his eyes to meet your gaze; he prepares himself for the worst, for a twisted expression or thinly veiled pity, but he finds none of it. Rather, your eyes are soft and fond, tracing over his face, looking between each of his. He can feel the pads of your fingers gently brushing over his cheekbones, tracing absent patterns.

“You’re so handsome, Osamu,” you whisper, one of your hands sliding behind his head, intertwining with his hair. “Why do you wear them?”

Dazai doesn’t know how to answer that. His throat feels swollen at your words, eyes a bit misty and fingers trembling against your thighs. Instead, he breathes out, “Kiss me.”

And you do.

God, when you kiss him again, it’s so intense that it has his head spinning. He doesn’t know how long he sits there kissing you, back against the cabinets with you half in his lap. It could be a few seconds, or a few minutes, or a few hours—he has no concept of time whenever his lips are against yours. It’s only when you press your hand against his shoulder, murmuring for him to get up, that he finally pulls himself away from you.

Dazai forces himself to push up to his feet—it’s much more difficult than he thought it would be, nearly tripping over his own feet, but you follow him up to your feet, steadying him when he almost tumbles over. You bring your hand up to rest against his cheek, fingers gently toying with the edges of his hair. He leans into your touch, eyes fluttering shut for just a moment before he forces himself to look you in the eye.

“You’re so frustrating,” you say softly, but all of the fire is gone, replaced by that same soft look you’ve directed toward him—not him—hundreds of times before. “You are so frustrating, Osamu.”

His throat feels tight again, the sound of his name on your lips causing a wave of warmth to spread through him, the numbness slowly subsiding.

“I know,” he whispers, swallowing thickly, and you sigh, gaze averting to the side for a moment before you look back at him. He still can’t fathom what you might be thinking and it scares him.

But then you kiss him again, your other hand coming up to his other cheek and his hands fly to your waist, holding you close. You walk him backward, out of the bathroom and into the hallway. His back hits the wall and you press your body close to his, and this time it’s you whose tongue is darting out to brush his bottom lip, urging him to part his lips for you. He does, and he thinks he might be in heaven when he feels your tongue dip into his mouth, sliding against his tongue. His eyes flutter shut, rolling back just a bit when you trace the back of his teeth with your tongue before sucking gently on his bottom lip.

Your hands slide down from his face to his chest, over his jacket, down to his waist. Your fingers hook in his belt loops and Dazai groans as your lips ghost from his down to his jaw, breath shaky as trail slow, wet kisses to the sensitive spot behind his ear. He can hardly do anything but follow along as you guide him from where he’s been backed against the wall into his bedroom, dazed and entirely consumed by your touch. His head already feels a bit fuzzy, breath hitching as your teeth graze his pulse point, kissing down to the edge of his bandages and then across his throat.

He barely even knows where he is until he feels the back of his knees hit his bed and he topples backward until he’s laying flat on it. His chest is heaving, head dizzy and breath shaky as you straddle his waist. You don’t kiss him again and Dazai wants to drag you down for another but he can’t even bring himself to move. His body refuses to cooperate, nervous that he’s going to make the wrong move.

“Do you want this?” you finally ask after a moment, voice raspy as one of your hands squeeze his gently, as if to get his attention.

Dazai’s brows furrow a bit, lips parting to respond but for a second, no words leave them. You wait with the patience of a saint as Dazai tries to process what you’re asking and respond to it. After what feels like an eternity, he nods once. Of course, he wants it. You search his eyes as if to make sure he’s not just agreeing to agree, and once you’re satisfied, you continue you with:

“And do you trust me?” you ask softly, your gaze gentle as it searches his face for the next answer.

Dazai doesn’t hesitate this time, and he speaks as he breathes out, “With everything.”

He can’t tell what you’re thinking, but your expression is still soft and your touch is still gentle as you run your thumb over his knuckles. Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the gentleness you show him. You lift your hand to cup his cheek and he leans into your touch, throat spasming beneath his bandages as he waits for you to say something.

“Let me take the lead then,” you say quietly, his eyes widen a bit at your words. “I want to try something.”

He watches you carefully for a moment, guarded and studying you. He thinks this might be another first, and the thought alone makes him feel a bit giddy because he can’t recall any other life where you’ve ever been the one to take the lead like this, especially the first time the two of you sleep together. You look a bit anxious the longer he goes without responding, so he nods and says, “Okay.”

He’s pliant beneath your touch as you lean down to press your lips against his; he lets out a soft, muffled noise when he feels your hips shift, unintentionally grinding down a bit on his straining cock. He’s more hesitant this time in the way his lips move against yours, unsure of what to do with himself. His fingers twitch from where they're resting on the bed, itching to grab your hips but not wanting to make the wrong move.

This has happened every time one of you tries to take the next step, either he gets interrupted or he ends up getting cold feet because he’s scared of doing the wrong thing and making you uncomfortable. And it’s ridiculous because Dazai has so many memories, he should know at least vaguely what you like and what you don’t like but he thinks having the memories are a double-edged sword because he overwhelms himself if what ifs: what if he assumes you like something and you end up not liking it in this universe, what if he does something that you only liked after the two of you have been together for a while and you’re uncomfortable with him doing it because you’re not as comfortable with him. Maybe Dazai is just overthinking it all but how can he not when you’re involved. He wants everything to be perfect for you.

“Is this okay?” you whisper, separating your lips from his just enough for him to answer your question. Your breath mingles with his and Dazai can hardly think straight; it’s hot, dizzying, there’s something so intimate about it that it makes his body fuzzy.

“Yeah,” he says, eyelashes fluttering as he looks up at you. “It’s okay.”

You kiss him again. His lips move against yours desperately, needy, he’d be embarrassed if you weren’t matching his energy, but you are. He can feel your fingers tugging at his hair, your hips grinding down against his. Every time you start to pull away, he lifts his head from where it’s laying flush against the pillows, chasing your lips.

He needs you. His hands slide from your thighs to your waist, keeping your body pressed to his. He’s needed you since the day he came in contact with the Book and learned about you, since the day he met you at the club, maybe even since the day he was born even if he hadn’t known it at the time. He thinks his entire life has led to this, to the two of you being together; your souls have been entangled since the moment you were born and he isn’t sure how he ever thought a life without you was possible.

“I need you,” he gasps against your lips, hips jerking up just a bit to try to alleviate the pressure building in his lower abdomen, desperate to reach down and unbutton his slacks, but wanting you to make the first move.

Whatever nerves that have made him get cold feet all of the other times the two of you have tried to take the next stop are long gone. You don’t give him any time to wonder if he’s doing the wrong thing—the fingers of one of your hands intertwining with his dark locks, just tight enough to make him hiss into your mouth, eyes rolling back at the pleasant sting. Your other hand slides across his chest, even through his dress shirt, your fingertips seem to scorch through to his skin, leaving his body tingling everywhere you touch.

“You have me,” you tell him, breathless, and Dazai can’t bite back the noise that slips from his lips, wanton and obscene, borderline pornographic—if he was any more coherent, he might be embarrassed but he can’t find it in him. Not when he’s finally getting what he’s wanted after all of this time.

His hands fly down to his slacks, he fumbles with the button and zipper before yanking them down just enough to free his cock and he watches as you sit back on his thighs, eyes wide and lips parted as your gaze focuses in on his cock, watching as the leaking precum dribbles down his length, alongside the vein running along the underside of his cock.

“Please,” he breathes out, fingers biting into your thighs as he bunches your dress up to your hips, another low moan spilling from his lips just at the thought of what’s about to happen, lashes fluttering.

You don’t even take off your panties, clearly driven by the same desperation that he is as you slide them to the side and position yourself above his cock and Dazai gnaws at his bottom lip when he feels the tip pressing against your entrance. He can feel how wet you are already, so drenched that your slick is dripping down the length of his cock. His hips stutter up instinctively, but instead of pushing inside, his cock slides between your folds and he whimpers, arm flying to cover the lower half of his face. You don’t let him, fingers wrapping around his wrist to pull his arm from his face and pin it to the mattress above him.

“Don’t hide yourself,” you say softly.

Dazai thinks there must be stars in his eyes as he looks up at you. You’re so beautiful, lips parted as you pant softly, an adoring expression on your face as you look down at him. He loves you. He loves you, god, he loves you more than he’s ever loved anything in his life; he thinks that nothing the other Dazais ever felt for any of the other yous could ever compare to how he feels for you.

When his tip starts to push into your tight hole, all he can let out is another loud, lewd noise; his head falls back against the pillows. His ears are ringing, but distantly, he can hear you gasp. His vision is blurry as he forces himself to look up at you but Dazai thinks you look otherworldly with your head tilted back as his cock starts to stretch you out, lips swollen and wet from the kisses you’d shared. He thinks he must look insane, pupils blown wide and eyes wild as he tries to focus on the sight of you. All of the clever wheels that usually turn within his mind are crumbling.

His fingertips leave crescents in your thighs as you sink down on his cock slowly—too slow, it leaves his head dizzy as your warmth slowly envelops his length. He’s imagined this so many times before. Dozens. Hundreds. He has so many memories of the feeling of your body flush to his, thighs over his shoulders as he fucks you deep and slow, swallowing your moans, but he thinks that nothing compares to this, the sight of you above him, watching your body tremble and face shift as his cock stretches you out. He barely refrains from letting out a string of strangled curses, barely able to hold his eyes open to watch you.

You give yourself a moment to adjust, and when you do, you look down at Dazai. He thinks he must look a mess—chest heaving, breath erratic, eyes heavy and lidded and entirely glazed over—but he doesn’t care, not with the way your hand slides up his abdomen, fingers tracing patterns along the bandages covering his body. You look beautiful—you always look beautiful—but you look extra beautiful right now, and he thinks he could stare at you forever and never tire of it.

Experimentally, you roll your hips—it’s still slow, agonizingly slow—and Dazai throws his head back, another obscene moan spilling from his lips.

“Fuck,” he gasps, his fingers falling from your thighs to twist the sheets below him, knuckles white. “Feels so good. So good.”

You let out a hum that’s caught between a moan and agreement as you continue the slow rolls of your hips, hands sliding up and down his abdomen in a way that’s deceptively innocent and soothing compared to how his cock is dragging along your walls. His body shudders at the feeling of it, heat pooling in his abdomen so quickly that it has his whole body tensing as he tries to push it away.

“You’re so perfect.” Words spill from his lips, more of a babble than anything else as you lean down to ghost your lips over his jaw, nibbling over the bandages covering his Adam’s apple. It bobs beneath your teeth as he lets out another shaky noise. “S’like you’re made for me. I’d do anything for you. Anything. You know that, right? Anything you want, it’s yours.”

He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, clawing at the sheets and occasionally reaching for your thighs, and he doesn’t know what to do with his body, hips jerking up at an erratic pace, like he’s trying to meet your pace but his body simply can’t match the slow rolls of your hips, desperate for more. He doesn’t know how you’re so put together—maybe you’re not, he can see through a blurry vision how your lashes are fluttering with each roll of your hips, breath shaky, but you’re just not as far gone as he already is.

“Anything?” you murmur, and he can feel your lips curve up against his neck.

“Anything.” His breath hitches, fingers reaching for your hips as he rocks his up into you, a desperate attempt to get you to pick up the pace. “‘d give you the whole world, burn it for you, anything you want, I’d give it to you.”

His hands slide up from your thighs to your waist as you lean down to press your lips against his in a deceptively innocent kiss. He tries to chase your lips as you straighten up but you don’t let him, one of your hands curling around his throat—not choking him, but firm enough that it goes right to his cock, lips parting in a silent moan—while the other braces back on his thigh.

He thinks that nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of you picking up the pace. His breath hitches, he chokes over a moan, stars sparkle in his vision as the tip of his cock presses deep inside of you. You sigh out his name and Dazai thinks this might be the closest he ever gets to heaven: you on top of him, cock buried to the hilt in your cunt, the sight of your blissed out face above him as his head spins.

“Oh, fuck,” Dazai cries out, back arching and hand flying to cover his face again but the hand you have on his thigh flies forward to snatch his wrist before he can, pinning it back above his head. Dazai’s eyes roll back, you’re leaning over him entirely now, leaning most of your weight on the hand that’s pinning his wrist but the new angle adds pressure onto how you’re squeezing his neck, paring his airways just enough to make his lungs burn. “More. Faster, fuck, I-ah-”

His voice falls off into another moan, head falling to the side to press his cheek against the pillow. He thinks drool is starting to pool at the corner of his lips but he doesn’t care, he can’t even think at this point, too lost in the lewd sound of skin-on-skin, the sloppiness of his cock fucking deep in your cunt, your soft moans and gasps, lost in the feeling of your tight walls clamping down on his cock, the warmth, the wetness, your fingers digging into his wrist and the sides of his neck. He wants to tell you that he needs more but the words are garbled, entirely unintelligible.

He forces his eyes back open, feeling the tears spilling over his cheeks just from the intensity of it all, the intensity of you. You’re gentle with him even when your hand is wrapped around his throat and his cock is splitting you open—he can feel the soothing circles you rub with your thumb, he can see the way you’re searching his face to make sure he’s okay. Dazai is just so overwhelmed that he can’t stop the way his next moan breaks into a sob; acutely realizing just how deprived he’d been of any type of care or love before meeting you, and forcibly coming to terms with the fact that he is never going to be able to go without this again, without you again. He’d known it to some extent before this, the thought of losing you and the light you bring him has made his stomach churn violently but this…

He’s torn from his thoughts when you suddenly stop the rolls of your hips, halting the spreading heat in his lower abdomen desperately. The noise that escapes him is something caught between distress and betrayal, dark eyes wide as he looks up at you questioningly, but the expression on your face makes his breath catch. Your hand slides up from his throat to cup his cheek, your other hand releasing his wrist so that you can hold his face between your hands, thumbs wiping away the tears spilling over his cheeks.

Distantly, Dazai recognizes that he’s still choking over sobs and that’s probably why you’ve stopped and that only rips his chest apart more because of course, you’re still putting him above you—even when you’re mad, even when you’ve just fought, when he’s betrayed you in a way that should be unforgivable, you’re still kissing away his tears and putting aside your own needs to take care of him

He doesn’t deserve you. Not in any universe, but especially not in this one.

He thinks he could stay here for eternity. Fuck the rest of the world. Fuck the Port Mafia. Fuck his plan. He just wants to stay here with you, your lips brushing his, sharing the same sliver of air. He leans into your touch, groaning against your lips when he feels your walls spasm around him.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathes out, unsure if you can even understand him. “You’re so-”

His words fall off into another moan, and he can’t control his hips as they thrust up sharply against yours, another string of incoherent curses escaping his hips as your breath catches and you straighten back up, head falling back as you gasp his name.

Your nails dig crescents into his upper thighs through his bandages as you brace yourself back against them. You move your hips again—faster, this time, harder, and Dazai thinks his head is in the clouds. He’s so deep inside of you that he can feel everything, jaw falling slack as heat spreads through his body too rapidly for him to get control over. He wants to throw a hand over his mouth to muffle the lewd, pitched moans spilling from his lips but he can’t drag his hands from where they’re clawing at your hips, desperately trying to help you meet him with each thrust.

“I-hah-shit, I’m gonna-fuck-”

He slurs out your name and several obscenities, trying to warn you that he’s going to cum when he feels his cock twitching inside of you and his abdomen tensing, but you only lean down to press a lingering kiss to the corner of his lips and Dazai is gone. He wants to watch you, he tries, but he can’t hold his eyes open, they’re half-rolled back as he chokes over moans of your name, hips stilling as he cums deep inside of you. His body twitches, expression twisted as he presses his head so hard into the pillow that he thinks he might permanently indent it.

His head is spinning, lungs burning, sweat beading at his forehead and hair matted to his face—he thinks he’s never cum so hard in his entire life; all of the nights he spent alone, desperately trying to fuck his hand to the thought of you in attempts to mimic how you’ve made all the other Dazais feel, to give himself some semblance of the pleasure you’ve brought him in other lives to hold him over on particularly lonely nights, they’ve never felt like this.

You don’t stop, even as he squirms and lets out jumbled pleas beneath you, body shuddering at the overstimulation but you’re too lost in chasing your own high now. He spasms beneath you, nails digging into your thigh as you fuck his cum deeper inside of you, bouncing on his cock desperately. He doesn’t care that the sensitivity is pushing his body to the brink, letting you use him however you want if it means he gets to see you like this.

Dazai’s head feels light, pins and needles pricking his body—he thinks he might pass out but he forces himself to hold on, enraptured by the sight of you on top of him with your eyes half-rolled back, lips parted and throat bared to him. Your tits are half-spilling out over the low-cut of your dress and Dazai thinks you’re fucking divine. The only holy thing in this godless world. He wants to spend the rest of his life worshiping you.

“I’m gonna-” you gasp, head falling backward as one final roll of your hips that has your clit grinding against his pelvic bone sends you spiraling over the edge.

Dazai wants to sear the image of you behind his eyelids, watching as your nails drag against his thighs, drawing red lines even through the bandages, back arching, head tossed back—your body is trembling violently as you cum on his cock, expression twisted and entirely blissed out, sobbing over his name. He chokes and gasps at the feeling of your cunt tightening around his sensitive cock again, jaw tight and spots dancing in his vision as he’s so abruptly pushed over the edge a second time, the coil in his abdomen tightening and snapping all within the span of a few seconds.

He’s still reeling when he feels you slump forward onto his chest, burying your face in the crook of his neck, shivering in the aftershocks of your orgasm. He’s only half aware as he instinctively brings his hands up to rest on your hips, rubbing soft circles of your hip bones to try to soothe you.

He shudders when you press a kiss to his neck right at the edge of his bandages, and then tilt your head up to press another on his jaw. One of your hands comes up to caress the back of his head, fingers carding through the dark locks in a way that has his eyes drooping shut.

“We’re not done with this conversation,” you finally say after a few moments of silence, voice soft, breaking the silence. Dazai stiffens a bit, lips parting to respond but no words leave them. “... but let’s just lay like this for a while first, okay?”

He lets out a shaky breath, still not entirely convinced that he’s not going to lose you, so he lets his eyes flutter shut as he nods. He may as well bask in this for as long as he can, and if you notice the way his fingers dig just a little deeper into your skin after your words process, you don’t mention it.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, “okay.”

Dazai wakes up the next morning and you’re nowhere to be seen. The bed is frighteningly cold next to him and his heart is instantly in his throat. He doesn’t waste a second before he’s sitting up in bed, looking around, eyes wild and heart racing. He doesn’t settle down, not until his eyes fall upon where you’re sitting curled up on the chair of the desk he never uses, eyes trained on the dark clouds outside the window, the beauty of the sunrise wilted by a morning storm.

“His intention was to make me leave you.” You’re not looking at him, but you must have heard him sit up. “Fyodor Dostoevsky. The things he told me, they were to make me leave you.”

Dazai doesn’t move an inch, throat swelling. He forces himself to ask, “What did he tell you?”

He isn’t sure if he wants to know.

“It doesn’t matter,” you say—Dazai thinks that it definitely does, but he bites back the questions that rise to his tongue because you’re clearly not about to budge on your answer. “Who is he?”

“A monster,” Dazai bites out, bitterness seeping into his tone as he leans back against the headboard, eyes still trained on where you’re curled on his chair, gaze distant. “You have to stay away from him.”

“Well, I didn’t intend on seeking him out,” you say it so dryly that Dazai nearly finds humor in it. Nearly. The smile that rises to his lips is mirthless at best. You turn to look at him, finally, and Dazai finds only cool indifference on your face; the fondness, the softness, the gentleness from last night are all gone. He wonders if you regret it, but he doesn’t let that thought linger, it’ll only make him sick. “... He doesn’t seem like the type to give up.”

“He never is,” Dazai murmurs, ignoring the brief, questioning look you direct toward him, mind drifting off to all of the Russian’s incessant attempts to take you from him in all of the other universes. “Did he tell you what his plan was?”

Dazai doubts it, but maybe there was something he said to you that shed some light to it.

“He didn’t have to,” you say quietly. “He wants Yokohama, for whatever reason—couldn’t figure that out, I think he’s looking for something—and clearly, he has to get through you to get it. He thinks the best way of getting through you is by taking me away from you first. That’s what I’d gathered from how he was talking at least, what he was saying about you, the way he was phrasing it. I’d put together enough on my own during the night to fill in the blanks. He told me things about what you’d done as… what you’d done as boss of the Port Mafia—things you’ve done to enemies… to allies. He told me that I’d see the real you as soon as you realize that the meeting he set up was a farce; that the mask you put up would crumble and I would see you for the demon that you are.”

Dazai doesn’t respond, jaw tight as he averts his gaze to the window—he’d played right into Dostoevsky’s hands. He can hardly bring himself to look at you; he wonders if you do see him differently now that the cloud from the night before has worn off, but he can’t bring himself to ask. Now’s not the time anyway, there are more pressing matters.

“... He’ll come after me again, won’t he?” you ask quietly. “Getting me to leave you willingly didn’t work. If he’s so set on me being the trigger to your downfall, then he’ll come after me again.”

He would. As he always has. Of course, Dostoevsky would try to get to him through you, he’s tried it in every universe, and Dazai hadn’t been careful enough. He hadn’t been smart enough. He’d known this was going to happen and was still arrogant enough to believe he could somehow prevent it. He was a fool, and he was a fool at the cost of your safety. He doesn’t know how to respond to you, he doesn’t want to confirm your suspicions, he doesn’t want to admit that this is all his fault, that he knew this would happen and was selfish enough to pursue you anyway.

“... I’m scared, Osamu,” you finally say quietly, and you suddenly look a lot smaller from where you’re sitting on his desk chair, hunched over with your knees tucked to your chest. “I’m really scared.”

Dazai’s heart claws up to his throat and he pushes himself out of bed, still dressed haphazardly in his suit from the night before. He makes his way over to you and kneels in front of you, hands curling around your ankles as he looks up at you.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he tells you, voice a bit more raspier than he intended for it to come across as. “I don’t care what I have to do to ensure it, how low I have to stoop. I will not let anything happen to you, do you understand?”

Your eyes meet his, and he can’t help but notice that doubt still riddles your gaze as you search his face, as if you want to believe him but can’t bring yourself to. A pit starts to grow in his stomach, wide and gaping as he realizes that this is all really about to happen, and one mistake on his part could lead you to the same fate you’ve met in so many other worlds because of him.

Finally, the doubt slowly clears as you let out a soft breath, nodding, and Dazai inhales sharply, laying his forehead against your shin as he lets his eyes slide shut.

He won’t let it happen. Not again.

again there was NO plot development in the smut - you guys didn't miss out on anything, pinky swear. i restructured the scene to fit the only notable scene (bandage removal) into the part before the smut, so if that felt a little forced, that was why </3 it wasn't supposed to be there. i was struggling trying to figure out how to move it upward a bit. the only arguable "plot" development was dazai letting go of his control freakiness to let her take the lead

#ᡣ𐭩 carina’s archives #dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai smut #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x you #dazai osamu smut #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd smut #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs smut #bungo stray dogs x you

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thepixelelf · 1 year

Text

Oh Baby, You - svt smau

The birth of your son three years ago was what caused your breakup with Wonwoo, your longtime (and at that point, long distance) partner. Now, you're getting concerned that Orion is starting to look a lot like his dad, but that's not your only problem. Wonwoo is back… and he's living across the hall.

Genres: smau, romance, drama, comedy, angst, single parent au

Pairing: jeon wonwoo x afab they/she reader x mystery member(s)

Warnings: coarse language, conversations about sex, mentions of pregnancy, mama/mom/mother is used to refer to reader's parental status sometimes, infidelity, light alcoholism, miscommunication as a plot device, some of the teenies are not so nice at times, slut shaming, angst, everything is unrealistically dramatic because this is basically a kdrama in text/twitter form. warnings may be updated as they come, but I will label chapters properly if it's anything major

Note: unfortunately, I did have to make the mc for this series have female reproductive organs because, well... that's the plot. I couldn't find a good way around it :( if anyone reading this is discouraged, please know that pretty much every other fic I've ever posted is gender neutral. So, if you think you might've liked this smau, please check out my masterlist! hopefully there will be something you like there :) ALSO! if anyone makes fun of Orion's name just know that it's the name of a precious baby cousin of mine and if you bully smau Orion you are bullying irl Orion!! do not touch him!!!

(new!) Updates will post when I have the time and motivation

The taglist is full! Leave a comment under the post linked here if you're not on the main taglist to be notified when Oh Baby, You is completed.

Profiles I: Orion's Prettyboy(gn) Posse

Profiles II: Wonwoo's Famous Friend and the Other Guys

Profiles III: Gyu and the Rise of Capitalism

1. Everybody Loves Vernon

2. Tens Among Tens

3. Grown Ass Men

4. I Hate This FUcking Family

5. The Ones Keeping Secrets

6. A LITTLE Curious

7. You Go Girl Get His Ass

8. The Calm

9. The Storm

10. It's Been a While

11. Fucked Up Coincidences

12. Not... a BAD Guy

13. Still So Affected

14. Just My Type

15. Nothing to Hide

16. Fists Up

17. Act Natural

18. Girl, They Blocked You

19. Plot Relevance

20. Actually it is a Date

21. It's All Pretty Confusing

22. Scripted

23. All it Takes is a Smile

24. Yoon Jeonghan is Watching

25. Completely Surrounded

26. No Such Thing

27. What Does That Mean

28. A Name I've Heard Recently

29. Can't Risk It

30. Errand Day

31. One Day at a Time

32. Confrontation

33. Not Looking to be a Parent Any Time Soon

34. What if I

35. For This Little Guy

36. Get Blocked

37. I'll Take Care of You

38. Messed Up, Stupid, and Jaded

39. You Fucked Up

40. That's For You to Figure Out

41. Need to Try Something

42. Recovery Mission?

43. Your Everything

44. You're Cute When You're Like This

45. Not Sponsored

46. This is Nothing

47. Promise? Promise

48. Hhrk

49. A Busy Afternoon

50. Cherry

51. Don't Freak Out

chapters loading...

OBY Ask the Characters Game

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senblades · 2 months

Note

Tell us about the planning doc!!!

thank you very much for indulging me HAHA

So I started writing the planning doc like. When I really shouldn't have LMAO- I wasn't busy right then, but I was absolutely about to be. Oh well! What's done is done.

The planning doc is, essentially, a full outline of all the plot of fftsr, told exclusively in dumb jokes and memes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Or, well, more accurately, a dumping ground for all my ideas in chronological order, marked with dates and some (emphasis on SOME lmao) of the confidant rank ups for Akechi and Ren.

I'll share some of the outline already written in chapters to get my point across: (UH MAJOR AND MINOR SPOILORS FOR FAITH FOR THE SECOND RUN- earlier chapters, mostly)

As you can see, not everything from the doc makes the cut. Sometimes things just don't work anymore, or I can't quite find a place to shoehorn it. I'm pretty sure a line showing how Sumire was struggling without a team never made it into the chapter- or, if it did, it was so negligible that it doesn't even matter.

Plus, I definitely hadn't figured out all the scene-by-scene POV's by that point. The "April 18" bullet point implies that scene might have taken place from Sumire's POV, but the final chapter actually has it as Ren's.

I also put all my Metaverse powerpoint slide intermittently as they become relavent. I'm not actually sure if this explanation ever made it into a chapter... I think Akechi might have implied it? But I don't think it was ever spelled out, since I couldn't find a smooth way to do it. Oh well! Here it is now!

There's also outlines of character conversations and motivations, as expected. The level of detail within the planning doc is VERY uh. Well, it's dependant on a lot of things. There are some major beats that I just hadn't thought of until writing the actual chapters, but some of the character-related convos that are more centred to the plot got written down pre-writing chapter 1

From memory, I think the above scene also changed slightly in the final fic. Sometimes what I write as character motivations in the planning doc ends up being VERY DIFFERENT by the time I get to the actual chapter. And, sometimes, the characters just run away with a scene HAHA

Speaking of character convos, some of my jokes in the planning doc made it, almost word for word, into the fic's chapters. Akechi hysterically wondering if Rank 3 is the "deepest darkest secrets" Rank Up is something that I wanted to immortalise lmao

As you can also see, though, not all of the confidant rank-ups were planned- Magician rank 2 is implied, but I didn't actually know what it was going to be at the time.

And then there's the confidants I didn't have planned at ALL:

(UH SPOILERS UP UNTIL CHAPTER 46)

The Tower and the Aeon are the worst offenders of this: I retroactivaly added the Aeon into the planning doc- an easy feat, since it coincides with the Justice, but just know that it absolutely wasn't there originally lmao. The Aeon came about in two stages, if I'm remembering correctly- I wrote the dream sequence where Ren didn't remember shit, but some vision of Crow was there and did remember, pretty much on a whim, and then thought "okay what if that kept happening though"

I think that descision was one of the best things I could have done lmao- it made October third MUCH more exciting to write (and, I assume, to read)... (originally Metatron was not a factor in the boys remembering- just some annoying headaches and visions. Shadow Maruki was also a last-second addition! While Ren was off galivanting with Crow, I wanted to give Goro something interesting to do as well. So! Impromptu therapy session)

Now the Tower... I did have some. uh. Plans, for cognitive Akechi right from the start; I can't remember my exact thought process for when I started cooking for this confidant, but I think I saw a comment on Throw Away Your Mask explaining why the Tower was particularly apt for the character it's used for in that fic, and thought "wait I can cook with this". or something HAHA I can't quite remember. (I was also VERY MUCH inspired by Marigolds and A Tale of Two Tricksters for all of that... (love those fics you should read them if you haven't))

All of the PT's rank ups are missing from the planning doc, too. I knew I wanted to have all of them as confidants, but I had no idea what their arcana was going to be, or when those confidants would start or rank up.

I unfortuantly can't share some of my best jokes from the planning doc, since I'm joking about MAJOR SPOILERS from future chapters HA

ty very much for letting me gush lmao <3 <3 <3

#ask #fftsr #I was a little afraid someone would ask me this question and I'd forget every thought I've ever had about my fic #but word vomit has been achieved!

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otomefiend · 9 months

Text

Victor & William Rex

Story Event: Villains want to bother little 'Robin'

Chapter 3 Premium

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Aww, my heart. How is that those two shady guys are so precious. The dialogues were so moving that I felt emotional practically the whole chapter. Kate is so kickass with those two. ♡

~~Part 1~~

Kate: "There's something both of you are not telling me, is there?"

William: "May I ask what made you think that?"

Kate: "First off all, you're not the type of people who'd carelessly expose themselves to danger."

Kate: "Furthermore, William has mentioned he was Her Majesty's double in the past."

Kate: "It wouldn't be a stretch for it to happen again since there's a precedent."

William: "... and yet this time we've entrusted you with this role."

Kate: "Yes. That's why 'no attempts on the Queen's life were meant to happen this time round'."

Kate: ".....mhm, you must have known that in advance."

(On the other hand, the carriage incident was something no one could have predicted?)

William: "Anything else?"

Kate: "Yes. I haven't seen Lord Elbert, Alfons or Roger since last night."

Kate: "Are those three on a mission pertaining to Her Majesty appearing in public......?"

At that point, Victor started clapping his hands with delight.

Victor: "Kate! You're so bright and observant!"

Victor: "Ah, if I could, I'd squeeze you in my arms right this instant."

Kate: "Then..."

William: "You're correct on all accounts, Kate."

William: "Both of us were certain that no incident targeting you would occur 'in here'."

Kate: "... why 'in here'?"

~~Part 2~~

Victor: "There's no shortage of those who'd want to take the Queen's life... either out of frustration with the class system or for personal gain."

Victor: "So once again we've been tipped off there was a group of people plotting to assassinate Her Majesty for money."

Victor: "That's why we leaked false information."

Kate: "What kind of information?"

Victor: "That the person who was to take part in the parade wasn't Her Majesty but her double."

Victor: "While the Queen herself had an important meeting in Oxford."

Kate: "Then right at this very moment --"

~~~

A series of gunshots could be heard in the mansion where important talks were supposed to take place.

The men who had plotted the assassination were mercilessly piled on the dinner table.

Alfons: "Dear, oh dear, to cause such a commotion at the meeting place..."

Alfons: "I guess there'll be no talks or some other crap happening here. Don't you agree, Your Majesty?"

The woman sitting on the chair gently removed her veil.

Elbert: "... is it finally over?"

Roger: "Yeah, it's done. Ha-ha, El. You've been chilling there all this time, haven't you?"

Elbert: "... I'm just glad I had no need to be careful trying to avoid their shadows."

Alfons: "I'm sure the parade over there has ended by now, hopefully with no incident."

Roger: "I guess. I wish we could've enjoyed Kate's performance as Her Majesty."

Elbert: "...a shame."

Elbert: "... where's Her Majesty now?"

~~Part 3~~

Elbert: "... where's Her Majesty now?"

Roger: "Looks like Victor is hiding her somewhere safe."

Alfons: "I'm sure all of the details will only be known to the two accomplices."

~~~

(I suspected something was going on, and it was all happening behind the scenes...)

(... I guess that means Her Majesty is safe and sound?)

When I touched my chest with a feeling of relief, Victor shrugged apologetically.

Victor: "I'm sorry we kept it from you, Kate."

Victor: "I hoped you would enjoy Her Majesty's life without any worries."

William: "How cunning of you to be the only good boy, Victor."

William: "We wanted you to have fun, and we thought you might figure it out yourself."

Kate: "Hehe, isn't that a bit contradictory?"

William: "Oh, I won't deny that it's very contradictory."

Kate: "I'll take that as a sign of trust from both of you."

Victor: "But that doesn't change the fact that we kept secrets from you."

Victor: "-- therefore, we'd like to make it up to you if you allow us."

Kate: "Huh...?"

William: "Kate, why don't you go on a date with us?"

A few minutes later I was taken to a place I wasn't expecting.

~~Part 4~~

I found myself on the roof of the Crown Castle.

(I shouldn't be surprised that it's so high..!)

Victor: "Hahaha, what a great view, don't you agree? It has cleared up and we can enjoy a lovely evening."

Kate: "You're not planning to jump off here, I hope?"

William: "Not exactly, though come here, Kate."

He picked me up and started moving over the rooftop.

~~~

He ran through a dense forest, across a drawbridge...

For the three of us to finally end up on the roof with a view of Big Ben.

By then my fear had turned to curiosity.

Victor: "How was your trip through the night sky, Kate?"

Kate: "It was so much fun! I wish I could fly again."

William: "Heh, you really like doing naughty things."

Victor: "We love kids who are naughty. Otherwise, we wouldn't get on well with them."

We looked at the streets of London, then at each other, and burst out laughing.

My day started abruptly with a surprising proposal from these two, but by the end I felt that I had learned so much.

(Her Majesty's thoughts, her resolve but also a few things about Victor and William)

Kate: "Thank you for giving me this valuable experience."

Victor: "The pleasure was ours."

Kate: "...I'm still not sure what I can do as a fairytale writer."

Kate: "But I will look for things I can do, for Victor,"

Victor: "........."

Kate: "For William,"

William: "........."

Kate: "This day reminded me as well that I'd like to be of service to Her Majesty."

Victor, William, even Her Majesty... might have lost their freedom at some point in the past.

That's why they craved freedom and wanted to give it to people whilst living surrounded by evil themselves.

Kate: "May the Crown, the symbol of freedom, shine above everyone's head one day."

Victor: "........."

William: "Pfft, haha, are you feeling nostalgic, Victor?"

Kate: "Why nostalgic?"

William: "Hmm, it must have been on the way home from our first mission after establishing the Crown..."

~~Part 5~~

Kate: "May the Crown shine above everyone's head one day."

Victor: "........."

William: "Pfft, haha, are you feeling nostalgic, Victor?"

Kate: "Why nostalgic?"

William: "Hmm, it must have been on the way home from our first mission after establishing the Crown."

William: "Victor said, 'I've made up my mind, William. The name is 'Crown', what do you think?' Then he added,"

William: "May the Crown shine one day above the heads of all who seek freedom."

(That's what the name 'Crown' means...)

Victor: "Every time I talk to you, I feel so very grateful you became our fairytale writer."

Victor: "Just as you open your heart to us, we want to open our hearts to you."

William: "We're listening to your desires, cute little Robin."

The two men standing on either side of me smiled so beautifully that I let out a sigh.

Just looking at those smiles made my heart flutter and left me with a feeling I could go anywhere,

And do anything.

-- it's as if I had become the strongest.

(...I'm in trouble. I'm having so much fun with you guys that I don't want this night to end)

Victor: "Haha, what a lovely expression, Kate. Can you tell me what you want right at this very moment?"

William: "Kate -- tell us what you want."

I was sure that these two strongest people could see through all my desires.

(If so)

Kate: "Victor, William. Would you stay with me just a little longer --"

Looking at the faces of the self-righteous king and the Queen's aide, I told them my true feelings.

Epilogue

#ikemen villains #ikevil #victor & william #victor #ikevil victor #william rex #ikevil william #ikevil story event #fan translation

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exhuastedpigeon · 6 months

Text

December 2 - 8

Here's your weekly rec list! I didn't reread anything this week, but I will be rereading some of the fics I read this week so it all balances out, probably.

The lists are tagged as ‘Han’s Buddie Recs’ and 'Han's Weekly Fic Recs'. Comments in italics are from me!

Newly Read

Your Love is an Oil Slick (It Glows like Rainbows, It Stains My Soul) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/@letmetellyouaboutmyfeelsExplicit || 67.9k When Eddie's son claims he has an imaginary friend, Eddie doesn't think much of it. Christopher is seven, it's what kids do. But then weird things start happening around the house, and Eddie starts dreaming about a handsome blue-eyed man.

Turns out, Christopher's friend isn't so imaginary.

Their house is haunted.

If you liked Hot Ghost Problems by ebjameston this fic is for you.

Both Blade and Branch by Daisies_and_Briars/@cal-daisies-and-briars Mature || 62.8k The chances of being struck by lightning twice are incredibly minute, but Buck still manages to pull it off. During a double date with Marisol and Natalia, nonetheless. Eddie manages to resuscitate him, but as Buck recovers from yet another trauma, Eddie can’t help but notice there’s something very different about him. He’s not quite sure what version of Buck he got back

This fic made me rabid. I’ve bullied at least three people into reading it in the last week and now you all are my latest victims. Read this story!!!!! It’s so damn good.

you and i'll be safe and sound by spaceprincessem/@spaceprincessem Teen || 50.8k the buddie hunger games au

This fic does such a great job staying true to Buck and Eddie’s characters while keeping the same plot/structure as The Hunger Games books. Highly recommend it!

yearning from wanting you by farfromthstars/@buckactuallys Mature || 18.3k while christopher is at camp, buck and eddie strike up a friends with benefits situation. it doesn't really get complicated until the kid comes back.

it hurts to hope for more by 42hrb/@exhuastedpigeon Mature || 15.5k Buck wants to be a dad, it takes a couple break-ups and a major non-romantic heartbreak for him to figure out that maybe he already is.

This is half shameless self plug, half I actually read this fic this week after I posted it and was like 'damn bitch you actually did it, you wrote the fic you wanted to read'

reachin for me (makin love to someone else) by inbetweenthestacks/@organizedstardust Explicit || 8.3k Buck says Eddie’s name while having sex with Natalia.

can't do a love song (not the way you sang them to me) by hattalove/@hattalove Mature || 7.3k in which buck sleeps around for healthy reasons, and thinks about his next-door neighbor a healthy amount.

even when the heat breaks I’m still yours by thewolvesof1998/@thewolvesof1998 Explicit || 6.1k Buck and Eddie get stuck in a cabin during a heatwave, they finally take the next step and fuck nasty on the floor.

Ruin Me Like Castle Walls and Burn Me Like a Village by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/letmetellyouaboutmyfeels Explicit || 6.5k When a call goes wrong, Buck sees a new side to Eddie, and starts to realize a lot of things about his best friend. And himself.

Dragon Eddie and extremely hot sex? Yes please.

I have not wanted syllables by iphigenias/@oatflatwhite Mature || 3.3k Five times Buck and Eddie don’t say “I love you” + one time they do.

moth to a flame by brewrosemilk/@gayhoediaz Teen || 1.7k Eddie’s kiss is so gentle that Buck aches.

From the way in which he could be pushing Buck back into the lockers and cage him in - but is doing anything but. To the careful, barely-there hold on his face, and the sweet brush of his lips - light as a feather, no pressure added, tongue absolutely nowhere in sight.

WIPs

let you set the pace by devirnis/@devirnis Explicit || 12.7k (1/2 chapters completed) When Eddie had first broached the idea with Buck – haltingly, like he was afraid Buck was going to take offence, or something else ludicrous – Buck had gotten hard so fast that he’d felt lightheaded. Two whole days where Eddie would keep him tied to the bed (or other furniture, Buck’s sure) so he could have his wicked way with him? Buck must have done something very good in a past life.

#Han’s Buddie Recs #Han's Weekly Fic Recs #buddie #buddic recs #buddie fic rec #buddie rec list #rec list #fic rec list #911 #buddie 911

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thebestofoneshots · 1 month

Text

WOLFSTAR X READER SERIES

Gilded Constellations | THE INTERLUDE Part 2

Summary: You meet Sirius and Regulus at a family vacation in the Caribbean, but things don't go as planned and you end up losing contact once the trip is over. Years later your family moves to England and you get accepted at Hogwarts where you finally see Sirius once again, along with all of his friends. One of them with a mysterious secret, that you'll uncover as you embark on your own Hogwarts adventure. Mostly canon-compliant. This IS a wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.

Series Masterlist | Previous episode | The first Interlude

You guys know I wanted to make another interlude, but upon lack of time, and because I don't want to have you wait another week to read the next chapter (darling @aremuslupinsimp for sure needs someone to vent about the absolute rollercoaster of emotions that it is) I've decided to make it a WEEKL-LONG EVENT!

But Lilly, What does that mean? It means you can send as many questions as you might have and I'll try to address all of them within the week. Including anything related to last week, this week's, and the next week's chapter (although I will not spoil that one).

Adding a few questions here, just as a start:

Have you always known where the story is going or have you kind of figured it out along the way? do you have the ending planned?

Hey love! I do have a base idea of where GC is going. I've had these big plot points thought out from the very beginning to the part where they all start dating. Having said that, a lot of things that happen in the story, and that are in between those points, are just me letting my imagination soar, and a lot of those chapters end up being some of my favourites.

I wanted to end the story either before they end school or before 1981, but now that I've gotten so attached to the characters, I've honestly thought of writing past that, and "fixing" some of the things that happen in canon. But who knows, that's like a whole other fic just on how much plot it would have.

SoIi can’t really remeber if the ‘prank’ that Sirius pulled on Snape had already happened in Gilded Constellations, if it hasn’t will it be happening or will it just get skipped over?

It's happened already (in 5th year). That's the reason Snape is weary about leaving Vixen in the Shack in "Bad Moon Rising". He knew she would be in danger because there was a werewolf inside. He couldn't say anything to them because of the young twisting charm Dumbledore put on him, and he's never been brave enough to stand up to the other Slytherins, so he went straight to Lily and told her Vix was in danger.

That's why Lily knew about Vixen being in danger when Sirius showed up with a fox in his hands and was livid about it.

Tu penses prévoir combien de chapitre pour GC si tu sais sinon si tu sais pas une estimation de chapitre que tu aimerais écrire pour GC ?

I'm terrible with estimations, originally it was going to be a short 5 chapter-long series. And then I wanted to end it at thirty, and then at forty. So far I've written 55 chapters, but I'm thinking of ending before chapter 70. (That's IF I don't get carried away).

Do we get to know if Sirus ever got that necklace back from the first few chapters?

Oh, the necklace is still on Vix's neck and it's going to be HUGE in the next couple of chapters. I've been building on is for a while and I'm really excited about it finally happening.

How is it going with Remus' and reader's fireworms?

They are amazing! They've implemented a whole system that helps them get fed automatically. They're probably going to ace that test.

Are we seeing more to Nina?

Definitely.

After they come back from winter break will the study group start again?

I mean, there're going to be a LOT of things happening after the Winter Break, but I assume yes. Also the reading club, the reading club is going to happen.

How long do we have to wait 'till Remus, Reader and Sirius go out?

I think I'm about one or two chapters away from writing that, but I'm a few chapters ahead. But it's waaay less than before.

Does Nina have a little crush on Reader or is it just me?

I mean, there's a reason why the ribbon she tied on her quidditch gear was enough to defend Vix from Barty's spell. And why, more than once, Nina's love has proven to be a strong protective spell over the reader.

Are we getting more lessons like some of the first chapters?

Yup, not very soon, since the next few chapters will all be happening over the winter break, but once they're back in school, certainly.

Further questions will be answered directly on asks as they come.

I'm really excited about the questions I might get, also a bit terrified about the questions I'll get after Chapter 44, but of well, the show must go on.

Love ya lots, Lils xx

Series Masterlist | First Interlude

Taglist: @rayrlupin @callmelovergirl @warcelia @ireneop @endversewinchester @moonyunebi @smuttysluttybitch @mazzymoons @drugs-for-memes @sofiacblair @vmpir3lvr @remuslupinisbae @rabluver @willgrahamisalesbi4n @thatobsessedreader @itskailey24 @hell0-kittie @belovedmoony @blacksgarden @loving-and-dreaming @cassie-love20 @starchaser-lily @zucchini-queenie @springflwer07 @sseleniaa @cometsghost @orkwardx0 @imdoingbetternow @sbrewer21 @remuslupinsbae @maxinehufflepuffprincess @wifiatthetrainstation @unstablereader @msblacklupin @oliversaurus @jaylienpotter @remussbitch @hermionelove @izuoyarmin @themarauderswife7 @keira-kaz2y5 @lampthemacarenagod @bugg06 @a-n-1-m-3-f-r-3-4-k @darlingeels @kissmeunicornbaobei @xluansstuff @boo8008 @angelmixer @voteforintensedreams @allons-y-molly @aremuslupinsimp @imaginexred @writingshae @nyanwyn @poetrypirate @crazyhorseforgot @saturnhas82moons @ryeyeyer @mothraantics @maqqiekwon @desikudisworld @pastelorangeskies

Leve a comment telling me if you wanna be tagged on Gilded Constellations

Want to support me? Like and reblog this post (reblogs are extra nice since they help me get my work to more people), also guys, I absolutely love reading your comments, so do throw them my way if you have any!

Read more Marauders Fiction

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sun-dog-au · 18 days

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🌙Welcome to the SunDog AU!☀️

(In which you can ask Sniff questions!)

An alternate universe based in the general Moomin franchise created by @flowerbloom-arts , this blog follows the story of Sniff and a few other people in Moominvalley as strange things happen that have to do with their sky.

Sniff is an odd and easily tempted child who may not remember much of his own past, but perhaps time will tell if he is involved with these supernatural shenanigans!

[Join the AU discord]

[The AU in its current state is a reboot! To see the content made for the older version, you can look at the masterpost here]

Main Story

(Not written yet!)

Comics

While the AU is no longer a webcomic story, I'll still make comics for bits of story and songs that wouldn't fit into the main story, such as adaptations of moments from the books/comic strip or original backstory and silly moments from before or between the main storyline. These will be listed by order of in-universe chronology.

Adaptation - Moominmamma and Moomintroll adopt Sniff (Moomins and the Great Flood)

Lyric comic - Omen by Mother Mother (intro)

Illustrations

Sometimes I just do little drawings that don't fit elsewhere, so this is the section where I list the ones I did. These will be listed by date posted.

Miscellaneous

(tba)

Tarot Cards

(tba)

Reference sheets

Every character has a unique design that intentionally diverges from canon in the AU, so I made reference sheets for them! Some of them may be original characters, which are colored in red.

Sniff, Query

The Moomins and the Snorks

Snufkin, Little My, the Mymble's Daughter

Mrs. Fillyjonk and her kids, Mabel

The Muskrat, Stinky, Cedric, Mr. Hemulen, the Inspector

FAQ

Some bits of information are needed to be known before diving into the main plot of the AU. Here are some important questions about the setting of the AU that some of you may ask, or if a certain question is asked often enough, it'll be added here.

Any non-frequently asked questions about the meta of the AU that you may want to know will be in the #Queries To Bloom tag.

When does the story take place?

The story starts in the summer of 1949, less than 4 years after Sniff was found in a supersized dark forest by Moominmamma and Moomintroll while on their search for Moominpappa (a.k.a. Moomins and the Great Flood). After that, it's just a matter of figuring out the timeline yourself.

Which adaptation is this story following?

The story is set its own unique canon which primarily follows the books and comics, but does take characters, stories and lore details presented in Shin Moomin, Tanoshii Mūmin Ikka, Moominvalley 2019 and maybe even other sources.

Did the original stories made by the Janssons happen in this AU?

With very few details skewed here and there, the first few Moomin books (Moomins and the Great Flood, Comet in Moominland and Finn Family Moomintroll) have taken their place over the course of a year and a half from 1945-1946 in-universe. There are also a few comic stories, if changed in detail, which have already taken place for the 2 years before the story begins, these comics are; Moomin's Desert Island, Moomin Builds a House, Moominmamma's Maid, Club Life in Moominvalley, Moomin Falls in Love, Moomin's Lamp and Mymble's Diamond.

Other stories will either be adapted in the main storyline (the AU will be primarily written as an adaptation of different stories from previous adaptations with a few original stories) or will be implied as having happened between chapters.

#moomin #sun dog au #moomins #moominvalley #masterpost #master post #long post

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stayarmytinyzenmoa-l · 8 months

Text

Sweet [Pt. 2]

University AU

TW: Language, Smut, Explicit Talk About Sexual Topics, soft giggly sex because i'm a fucking simp, smut with some plot Smut Warnings: Masturbation (M and F), implied use of clothing to get off on, porn, first-time sex, penetrative sex, cumming into a condom, oral (M and F receiving), blowjob, cum swallowing Genre: Smut, Romance, Comedy, Fluff (lots of it) Pairing: Liu Yangyang x Reader YN Pronouns: Female (She/Her) Word Count: 5.7K

[NCT Masterlist] | [Previous] [Ao3 Link] | [Wattpad Link]

Notes: I didn't plan to make a part two, let alone for it to be the smut chapter, but here we are. Tired. Horny. And a little sinful. Alsooo this can be read as a standalone! you don't need to have read part one! Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

"Hey, Giselle mentioned that you're a virgin, right?" Yangyang asks. You nearly dropped your glass.

"What? I mean, yeah? Why?" You held your glass to your chest as he approached you, leaning in like he was about to kiss you, and you being delusional enough to close your eyes and maybe pucker your lips a little, leaned in too.

"No reason," he pulled away and walked off like nothing happened. Your eyes shot open.

No reason.

No reason?

No freaking reason?!

Your face was hot and your embarrassment clear while he grabbed his backpack and carried on like he didn't just fluster you to no tomorrow.

"Well, I got lab, I'll see you later, babe," he waves at you and leaves out the front door of your now-shared apartment. You, meanwhile, stood still, not knowing what to do now and, soon, your hand flew up to your mouth and you let out a silent scream.

"God, that tease," you grumbled. You've barely had a day of peace since dating that guy, not that you were complaining, but you figured after months of dating he'd have grown out of it but, nope, he's still that teasing piece of shit he was when he first kissed you. But... sex?

Sex?!

Whole new ballpark. If you needed help to learn how to kiss you didn't even want to experience the embarrassment of learning how to have sex. It'd be a total turn-off with you floundering around trying to find out how to even hold a dick let alone suck one and fuck, oh god, you can't just ask him how to do that.

"Oh, girl, you're at a total loss," Giselle grimaces. If you couldn't ask Yangyang, why not ask your best friend? Leading you to now, in a Starbucks, asking how to have sex.

"I don't even know where to start," you said with your head in your hands.

"Well, first thing's first is that you don't overthink it, (Y/N)," Giselle sips on her iced coffee. "Secondly you just have to go with it. I'm surprised you two haven't fucked yet."

"Shh!"

"Oh, it's fine, everyone's wearing headphones, hon," Giselle sighs. "You really have no experience? At all? Not even with yourself?"

"Like... like masturbating?" You whispered.

"Exactly like that," Giselle tips her drink to you. "You haven't tried shoving something up that pussy?"

"Giselle!"

"It's fine," she says loudly. No one responds. "See, no one's listening."

"Oh... geez, fine, okay, yeah, I've... I've done a little bit of... masturbating," you muttered, recalling the few sparse times curiosity got the better of you when it came to your fingers just quickly brushing over your pussy in the shower. "But definitely not enough to consider it experience," you shook your head. Sure, you'd pushed one finger into your pussy before but that has to be nothing compared to an actual dick.

"Look, even looking at your vag is experience, hon, it's not that different than kissing except his dick will be in you while you do it," she explains and you held your iced tea to your face, cooling it down while you listened to her. "Just don't be weird about it, (Y/N). Has Yangyang been asking you about having sex?"

"No," you shook your head.

"Are you sure?" She leans against the table now.

"Yea... actually..." you thought back to the previous month.

"Hey, so, uh..." Yangyang sits on the couch next to you and you naturally attached to his side. "Have you ever thought about going further than kissing?"

"Huh?"

"Like... further."

"Like... hugging?"

"..." Yangyang stared at you, ready to correct you, but instead he shut his mouth. "Never mind," he shakes his head.

"What? What is it?"

"No, no, it's fine, yeah, actually, cuddling, let's do it," he pulls you to his chest and buries his face in your hair.

"Okay...?"

"Oh, dammit, butterfingers," the book slips out of your hand and drops to the floor. You bent down to pick it up, feeling a slight stretch in your calves as you did so, and, once you did, you straightened back up and dusted off the cover, nearly jumping in place when you heard Yangyang whistle behind you. "Oh, Christ, you scared the hell out of me, Yang!"

"Sorry... uh..." he swallows harshly. "Hey... did you want to go to bed?"

"It's... it's 3 in the afternoon, why would I want to go to bed right now?"

"Never mind."

Your lips moved in harmony with his while hands wandered around each other's bodies. And with the sultry sounds of lips smacking together your legs naturally clenched together while Yangyang pushed forward, one hand slowly parting your thighs until one of his legs was nestled between them. His lips moved down your jaw until he was kissing your neck and you gripped onto his arm to stop him.

"Everything alright?" He asked you.

"I think I left the oven on."

"What?"

"I think something's burning!"

"Huh?"

"Be right back!" You scrambled off of the couch and ran to the kitchen.

"(Y/N), could you grab my laptop for me? It's on our bed!"

"Yeah, I got it," you grabbed the laptop, your hand brushing over the trackpad for a moment, but just enough for it to turn back on, and immediately as soon as you heard the girlish moan you shut the laptop. "Here you go," you handed it to him quickly before running off.

"Hey, Yang?" You walked into the room and he was quick to grab a pillow and hug it to his chest, slamming his laptop shut in the process. You eye him suspiciously. "Anyway, have you seen my leggings?"

"Which ones?"

"The burgundy ones."

"Those ones?"

"Yes."

"Well, uh," he leans forward, somehow tucking the pillow further into his lap. "No, why?"

"Oh my god, you're so flushed right now, are you alright? You're not getting sick, are you?" You held the back of your hand to his head to feel his temperature and he nodded.

"Yeah, no, I'm good, just, uh, tired," he says, nodding with his lips pressed in a straight line.

"Oh, uh, okay," you nodded. "I'll pick up the medicine on my way back from the gym, then," you smiled.

"Hey, so, what do you think about sex?" Yangyang asked, his face red with alcohol.

"Hmm... I don't usually think about it, I think," you muttered, also drunk.

"Do you want to have sex?"

"Mm... I do want to get McDonalds."

"Oh, I guess he has been kinda hinting at it all month," you mumbled and Giselle groaned in her hands.

"God, only Yangyang could date you because I would've lost my damn mind if my boyfriend did the bend and snap in front of me and walked away," she shakes her head.

"Bend and what?"

"(Y/N), look, it's not something you should feel pressured to do, let me make that clear. Sex is a... should be a very intimate moment between two people who trust each other, I say talk about it with Yangyang, see how he wants to do things because, god, you're the most virgin person I know," she says, "and I swear to god if he pressures you into having sex I will crush his balls."

"Giselle! No need to go that far!"

"But, then again, I guess you're crazy about that guy anyway so you do you, hon," she shrugs. "Have you really not been horny once around this guy?"

"I mean, I'm sure I have but I just didn't know how to act on it," you shook your head.

"You know, that feeling you get when you're starting to get all hot and bothered? When your thighs suddenly rub up against each other to lose any tension down there? How when even the slightest shift of fabric against your pussy gets you going?"

"I... that's..." you stammered and held your iced drink to your face again. You'd be lying if there weren't times that that happened. You could remember a few times you'd squeeze your thighs together after some seductive thing he said to you.

"But what if he's embarrassed of me?"

"(Y/N). We are talking about Yangyang, right?"

"Yeah."

"He literally showed up to lecture in a pink hoodie and orange shorts. I don't think he has any shame."

"But-"

"No 'but's. Just trust yourself and trust him too!"

"Okay, yeah, I can do that!" You nodded. "I just have to get in the right situation for it to happen naturally, though!"

"Of course, yeah, but also, girl, do not, and I mean do not, watch porn."

"Of course not! But... why?"

"It is the most unrealistic depiction of sex ever."

"But... it's literally sex."

"(Y/N). You really think anyone would moan the same way they do in the pornos?"

"I mean... no."

"Exactly. And I don't know about you but as hot as DP is it's uncomfortable as fuck if you don't use enough lube," Giselle rolls her eyes.

"What's that?"

"You... I feel like I'm corrupting you, never mind. TL;DR, talk to Yangyang and be straightforward about it, and absolutely no porn!"

"Hey, Yang!" You came home earlier than usual, not feeling like going to your last class of the day. You bounded behind him on the couch, wrapping your arms around his shoulders from behind and peering around him to see what he was looking at.

"Hey! You're home early," he pressed a quick kiss to your cheek and you nodded.

"Yup! Plenty of time to do stuff now!" You watched him play Tetris on his laptop. "Oh, wow, 147 lines."

"Yeah, almost done," he says. "What did you want to do today?"

'Have sex!' Oh my god, you'd die inside if you said that out loud.

"Oh, you know, whatever," you shrugged.

"Whatever?"

"Whatever."

"Okay," he finishes his game and turns to look at you. "Want to watch something with me?"

"Sure, yeah!"

Attempt 1: Failed.

"Hey, Yang!" You walked past him in bed, grabbing a few new pajamas from the dresser. "I'm going to take a shower," you announced.

"Okay?" He peers at you from around his laptop.

"Right now, I'm going into the shower."

"Got it, have fun," he says.

"Yeah, yeah, I think I will," you nodded, trying your best to toss hints at him.

"Yeah...?" He tilts his head with a confused smile. "I'm sure it will be fun, doing..."

'You? Doing you?! Let's have shower sex, that's hot!' Again, you'd die inside if you said that out loud.

"Whatever, doing whatever it is that you do," Yangyang shrugs.

Attempt 2: Failed.

"Yangyang!" You climbed onto his lap right as the movie started and you wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in close. "What are we watching?" You looked up at him, moving your hips slightly against his and pressing a short kiss to his neck.

"Finding Nemo."

Fuck!

Attempt 3: Failed.

You checked for the fifth time and, yup, you are definitely on incognito. Yangyang had left the apartment for work a bit earlier and you had the whole place to yourself, so what time better than now to search up what the fuck sex included. You had been scrolling down Reddit, reading through whatever relevant smut fanfiction you could find, and you even scrolled across Adam and Eve just to get some semblance of what to do, and... nothing.

You had no idea what to do.

'Absolutely no porn!' Giselle's words echoed in your head, but you're desperate. You needed some kind of visual how-to and you're definitely not checking WikiHow any time soon.

Just one video. One to get a taste.

Looking both ways to ensure you're home alone, you slowly typed out 'porn' in the Google search bar and clicked the first link that popped up, but the wall of... porn on the webpage was so daunting, how would you decode this in the first place? You barely knew some of the lingo and much less which one to watch but then, a silver lining.

Masturbation. You can do that, you've kind of done that, and you had to admit after all that research you could feel the friction between your thighs. The skin close enough to your pussy was sensitive, now, and every time the comforter brushed up against it you could feel your thighs rub against each other. Fuck it, let's do it. You clicked on the masturbation video with the highest rating and you pulled your panties off. Your hand hovered in front of your pussy, and you stopped.

The air was cold against it, but at the same time, it felt so warm. You pressed an experimental finger to your outer lips and you felt a slight shiver run up your spine. Sensitive, very sensitive. The video you'd clicked on, luckily enough, was a guided masturbation from the channel 'Domommy," whatever that meant, but, hey, this should work.

"Be good now, spread that pussy," the female voice was sultry and, carefully, you followed her movements. "You're doing so well, baby, do you think you can finger yourself now?" Your face was hot with embarrassment, you couldn't believe you were doing this but... for the experience, you can do it. Slowly, you follow the given instructions, and you swallow back a sound.

Sure, your lack of experience may be what's leading to this sensation anyway, but you're pretty sure it couldn't have been this easy to get turned on. Slowly and unsurely, your finger traced around your entrance, and, with a shudder, you pushed it inside and your breath caught in your throat. You'd masturbated before, but this time it was different.

This time you actually had someone to think about while you did it, and it made the whole experience different. You imagined what it would've been like if it was Yangyang who'd been doing this to you instead, guiding you through the motions before slipping his hand into you himself. Many a time you'd held onto hid hand, your finger interlacing with his, and now you wondered how they'd feel inside of you.

You listened to the video carefully, following the movements and obeying instructions, but then you hit a point of the video you couldn't follow anymore. When the woman pulled out what had to be a comically large dildo you couldn't stop the short and surprised gasp. She wrapped her hands around it's base and pumped it up slowly before wrapping her lips around it and working her mouth down its shaft and, actually, it was kind of hot. When did you add another finger into your pussy, you weren't entirely sure but after some maneuvering, your back arched just slightly while a silent moan made its way up. Now this was nice, you never really got the whole masturbating craze until now and damn, you've been missing out. You didn't realize that you were rubbing your clit a bit harsher until you heard the door unlock.

"I'm home!" Yangyang's voice rang out in the apartment and you panicked. "(Y/N)?"

Shit! You quickly closed the website and shoved your laptop on the nightstand, but a quick glance downward spelled your demise. Naked, completely, nothing, nada, birthday suit, you're caught either way. And when your phone rang you panicked even more.

"(Y/N)? Are you in the apartment?" Yangyang's voice was getting closer.

"Just a second!" You scrambled off the bed, wiping your hands on your bare torso before grabbing the closest shirt to you and pulling it over your head while silently thanking whoever that it was oversized and fell just past your midthigh. You pushed yourself off of the floor just in time for Yangyang to open the door. You both stared at each other, you trying to subtly catch your breath and him staring at you with slight confusion. "Hey! You're home early," you hid your hands behind your back.

"Yeah, uh, slow day," Yangyang says. "Are you alright? You look... tired."

"Me? Oh, yeah, I'm good! Great even!" Your panting between words betrayed you and you forced a grin.

"Yeah?" Anyone could tell he wasn't convinced.

"Mmhmm," you gave him a curt nod.

"Cool, I'm gonna shower," Yangyang points toward the bathroom. "But, I would like my favorite shirt back," he points toward you and you look down.

"Absolutely not."

"What? Why?"

"Because it's also my favorite shirt."

"Babe, do you even know what band is on that?" You look down again. It was one of his old punk band shirts from high school.

"Pierce the Veil."

"Yeah, no, stick to STEM, babe, that shirt says My Chemical Romance."

"Goddamnit!" You cursed. Damn unreadable fonts. "But, uh," you hugged your arms to your torso as he neared.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asks.

"Stellar!"

"Yeah?" Yangyang presses his hand against your forehead before feeling just under your jaw. "You're burning up."

"Didn't you say you were going to shower?" You tried to deflect his touches.

"Yeah," he nods with pursed lips. You both remain staring at each other. "Alright, 'fess up, what are you hiding?"

"Nothing!"

"You're hiding something, I know you are!"

"No, I'm not!"

"You are! You always hide your hands when you're lying!"

"I do not!" You do, actually. But right now you happen to have whatever was in your pussy all over your dominant hand.

You know that horrible moment when you were nearly caught doing something relatively naughty and now you want to crawl in a hole and die? That's right now. You leaned back while Yangyang leaned forward, looking right into your eyes. Why was he so adamant about pulling this out of you? So what? You were a little horny and you wanted to make sure you had some kind of idea of how to have sex at all, how were you supposed to know that he'd be home early?!

To make things worse, you couldn't deny the growing heat between your legs. Your thighs rubbed up against each other, orgasm left hanging somewhere unreached.

"Okay," Yangyang lays off of you, grabbing a different shirt from the dresser and a pair of boxers before walking off. You fall on the bed, legs still hanging off the edge of it and hands folded in front of you. Embarrassing, that was so embarrassing. And to make things worse you were still horny, dammit! And you had no idea how to quickly reach an orgasm before Yangyang finished showering and... fuck. "Be right back," he calls over his shoulder, "don't finish without me."

"Yeah, okay! Wait... what?" You turned over your shoulder too, but instead you heard the bathroom door shut. Your face heated up and your eyes widened.

No, no way he knew what you were doing. You were sure you'd gotten rid of all the evidence. You got up and, a nervous habit of yours, started pacing and then... realization. You look down, under your foot, and you almost scream in pure shock. You bent down and picked up your earlier discarded panties and chucked them into the laundry basket.

"Fuck!" You cursed out loud and you swore you heard Yangyang laughing. You were at a crossroads now. Finish yourself off somehow and pretend that nothing ever happened or wait for Yangyang to get out of the shower, possibly embarrass yourself, and have him finish you off instead and... oh god, you're really thinking about this. How hard could it be to give yourself an orgasm anyway you were so close earlier if he didn't come home early, you would just have to repeat what you did earlier and maybe a little quicker, easy! And you were already a little worked up from earlier and maybe something about Yangyang made you even more needy so even just a touch should be good enough to get close. "Okay, think, (Y/N)," you thought to yourself while sitting down on the bed again, your back turned toward the door and your knees pressed against each other.

Then you heard the shower turn off.

"Dammit!" You whispered to yourself. In all your overthinking you couldn't even properly make a choice.

Fuck it. Plan C.

When Yangyang closed the bathroom door behind him he let out a breath he'd been holding since he noticed your panties on the floor. He dug a hand through his hair and took a nervous glance at his reddening face.

Did he...? Did you...? Were you...?

...

Without him?!

He bit back a somewhat sexually frustrated sigh and pulled his shirt off. You'd been curbing his advances for a whole month and surprise surprise he nearly walks in on you masturbating and... fuck.

Or, alternatively, maybe he's overthinking it. You are you, and you have been completely ignorant of anything he's done to remotely hint to you that he'd been insanely fucking horny all month. God, what was he? A hormonal teenager? He looked down and, well, he might as well be one. He tugged his belt off and turned the shower on while kicking his pants off.

Okay, Yangyang, you know your girlfriend well enough. And if he did know you well enough then he knew you were weighing two options in your head right now.

Option 1: Pretend nothing ever happened and go about the day.

Or option 2: Wait for him to come back.

But... he was in uncharted territory right now. Sex wasn't tricky, it was just never brought up in the relationship. And, sure, he's a guy, he's seen his fair share of porn and he's certainly cummed into a few socks before but fuck he's never had sex with a partner. This month has been a struggle for him, he'd been waking up with the horrid morning wood and you'd just been existing and that alone sent him down this hormonal spiral.

Fuck it, he washed his hair quickly and scrubbed down, being careful not to be too harsh on that probably soon-to-be-ignored boner of his. He could just beat one out right now, not like it'd be the first this month but...

Huh.

Maybe you'd go with option 2.

Maybe, or maybe not. Yangyang hit his head against the shower wall, feeling the warm water sliding down his back. Okay, finish this first, see what mood you're in when he gets out, then think about nutting into the nearest cocksleeve-looking thing to him if necessary.

Fuck it. He wrapped his hand around his cock and started to rub one out, he had to finish himself off before long or else you'd get suspicious. After a whole month of going blue-balled, this was just another day, but fuck he couldn't get the image of you giving him a handjob out of his head and it was doing nothing to bring down his boner. He bit onto his free hand while he picked up the pace, feeling himself getting closer until he heard you shout outside and he felt the tenseness in his jaw loosen as he started to laugh instead, easily picturing the look on your face while you picked up the pair of panties that were just so innocently lying on the floor next to the bed.

Well.

Fuck it.

He finished up his shower quickly and took a deep breath before leaving the bathroom. And when he walks back into the bedroom...

Yangyang ducked back into the hallway, his laugh practically echoing around the apartment.

"What?! What's so funny?!" You shouted back and, when Yangyang looked back in the room, he threw his head back in laughter. "Liu Yangyang!"

"Sorry! Wait, hold on!" He clutches his torso and tries to compose himself but the glance up at you sent him into another fit and you groaned.

"Yangyang I'm so embarrassed right now don't make it worse!"

"(Y/N)," he holds his hand up and takes a deep breath before noticeably looking away from you. "I love you, babe, but, fuck, why did you have to burrito yourself in our comforter?" He stifles back another laugh.

"I read on Reddit that if I'm warm enough I won't be horny anymore."

"Oh my god," Yangyang breaks out into more laughter. "This was not what I was expecting, at all," he walks into the room, drying his hair quickly with a towel before climbing next to you. "So, how are we going to do this?"

"Do what?" You sank into the covers. Yangyang pulls it off of your head, at least.

"You know what."

"I do... but I don't want to say it, it's embarrassing," you shook your head.

"You know, consent's pretty important for things like this."

"I know!" You wondered what your expression looked like right now. Somehow, you brought your knees close to your chest. "But... mm..."

"You don't know what to do, huh?"

"Nope."

"There's a first for everything," he shrugs. "So, how about it?" He leans closer to you and you lean back slightly. "Do you want to have sex?" You're silent, your lips pressed in a tight line while both of you stare at each other.

"Yeah, I do," you nodded and a sly grin rose up Yangyang's lips when you pulled your hands out of the comforter and wrapped them around his neck, easily pulling him into a kiss. It wasn't long until you'd found your rhythm, your hand had found its way into his dampened hair while he was pushing that fucking comforter off of you.

"Damn, babe, you really rolled yourself up in this," Yangyang pulled away and you snickered.

"I know, hold on," you pushed it off of yourself, and once it was pushed somewhere else you moved on top of him and continued right where you left off. Your legs straddled his waist and his hands rested on your thighs, he pressed small kisses to your neck while he rubbed circles into your hips.

"You had fun without me?"

"Maybe a little bit," you let out a small laugh when he pinched your hips. "Glad you're here now though," you pull his shirt off of your body and he whistles.

"Hold on a second," he looked you up and down. Fuck, he'd been fantasizing about this all month and now, finally, he gets to live it out. He had to drink in every moment. "Okay, let's do this," he pulled his shirt off too and it was your turn to trace his jaw with your lips. His hips grind up against yours, the friction from the fabric causing your pussy to moisten more while you moaned against him. His hand moves to your pussy now, his fingers ghosting over the inside of your thighs while your hands set on his chest, and you swallowed down a shaky moan when he lightly tapped his finger on your clit. Then, he pushes his finger in, and you grip onto his shoulder.

Yeah, definitely different from masturbating. Carefully he moves his hand out and when he pushes it back in with another finger while doing a slight scissoring motion with them and you near turned into jelly on top of him. Your hand moved to the waistband of his boxers, tugging at them slightly to hint that you wanted them off, but when he didn't get the hint, too focused on fingering you, you rubbed your hand against his dick and he choked out a shaky breath of his own.

"Condom?"

"Nightstand," he nods toward it and you pull the drawer open, near immediately gasping.

"I've been looking for these!" You pulled your leggings out and Yangyang's face grew redder.

"Shit, I forgot I hid those there!" He reaches over and pulls it out of your hand, quickly chucking it to some other side of the room.

"Yang!"

"Don't look at those, I'll buy you new ones."

"Why?!" He silences you with another kiss that you quickly melt into. Probably not a good idea for you to see the cum stains on it, at least. He reaches over and grabs one of his condoms and pushes his boxers off to roll it over his dick. "Naughty."

"Just how you like me," he grins against your lips and, he lines his dick up with your entrance, its tip lightly grazing over your clit sending you into another wave of pleasure. "If you feel uncomfortable, just let me know and we'll stop," he holds your hips in place and you nod.

"I haven't done this before," you admitted quietly.

"I know," he says, "but, can I tell you a secret?" He looks up at you with half-lidded eyes. You nod slightly, "I haven't done this either," he says quietly and, somehow, a weight is lifted from your shoulders. "So let's just go with it," he relaxes his hold on your hips and you sink down on him slowly, feeling a little discomfort at first and pausing to adjust before moving further down. Yangyang's head hit the headboard gently while he moaned softly.

"Ah..." you swallowed down the louder moan while you moved up now, still trying to accustom yourself to his size. "Sorry, it's... definitely bigger than what I usually put up," you hid your embarrassment by digging your face into his neck.

"It's okay," he groans. His hips moved up slightly, meeting your movements and slowly you both worked your way until you felt your hips hit his and you lightly bit down on his neck. He turned his head just slightly, pressing a small kiss to the side of your head. For a moment, you both stayed like this, and it felt amazing. Your hips moved up and both of you stilled your breaths. "Fuck..." you moved your hips back down and damn.

Why didn't you fuck before? Soon you were both moving together, hips grinding and thrusting against each other while you shared open-mouthed kisses with tongues moving against each other. Your hands held onto his arms while you moved against him and your thighs clenched around his waist as you felt a growing tension in your abdomen. You both separate for a moment, just enough to catch your breath before Yangyang moves again. He pushes you down against the bed so he's over you, pushing one of your legs up until there's resistance and leaning over you with one hand next to your head, he loops his arm around your leg and pulls you closer to him, thrusting his dick into you with a new beat and turning you into a mess under him. You moved up and down the bed slightly, hearing the bedsprings beneath you with every thrust, and you scrambled to find something to grab onto as you neared your climax.

"I..." your sentence is interrupted by a pointed thrust, your back arching against the mattress and Yangyang clenching his jaw while straightening to grab onto your waist. "Oh my god..." you twisted your head to look away from him and, gently, he pulled you back to look at him, pressing his lips to yours and tugging at them between his teeth.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," he mutters, and you feel him quicken slightly.

"Oh... Ah, don't stop, please," your legs widened on their own, making it easier for him to slip in and out while he moved toward his release. You moved your hips up to meet his, feeling his cock constantly grind against this spot that hit you just right. You moaned louder, that feeling inside of you growing tighter each time you felt him move inside of you, until he pulled out and, with a moan, cummed into the condom.

But... you still haven't cummed yet. You didn't want to say anything, you didn't want to risk ruining the moment, but when Yangyang pulled the condom off and moved further down you had no idea what he was thinking of doing until he held your thighs down.

"Yang?"

"Don't worry, I know," he pressed a small kiss to the inside of your thigh and you felt him hold your legs apart, his hands digging into the soft flesh while his lips moved up toward your pussy. He licks up one of the folds and your head dug into the mattress.

"Oh hell," you bundled the sheets in your hand and he dove in. You could feel your legs starting to grow weaker with each movement against your pussy and you shook your head. "I think I'm almost..." you stopped yourself, feeling Yangyang push his tongue into your pussy you gave in and finished your sentence with a loud moan. "Oh my god... fuck, fuck..." you pushed yourself up on your elbows now, catching a quick look at him eating you out and sending you over the edge. "Oh god, I'm cumming, I'm gonna cum," your legs tensed before they started shaking, feeling your pussy clench around him while your head spun for seconds and you fell against the bed, your chest rising and falling with deep breaths. Finally, you sat up.

"You good?" He was sitting up again.

"Uh-huh," you nodded and closed your legs. You looked at each other for a moment, his face still tinted pink and yours no doubt heated as well. "You good?"

"If you're done I can handle this," he nods curtly. You shot him a look.

"I've got this," you moved back toward him and Yangyang swallowed down a nervous sound when your hand wrapped around the base of his dick.

"You sure?" He shot you a worried look and your jaw dropped, slightly offended.

"Yes!"

"How do you know?"

"I'm just going to let it go naturally!"

"Are you sure?" Yangyang shot a worried glance down and you nodded. "Wait, stop, why are you squeezing?!"

"Huh?!"

"Fuck!" Yangyang lets out a strained moan and you stifle another laugh before moving down on him. "Fuck..." his voice dragged out when your mouth wrapped around the top of his cock. Your hand moved up his dick slowly, softly, near teasing while your tongue circled over it. His hand rests on your head before it moves down and pushes the hair out of your face. You tilted your head slightly, his dick poking the inside of your cheek and he had to look away before he nutted right then and there, and slowly you moved your head down his dick and he whimpered. "You... shit," he bites his hand when you finally find a good routine. Your head moves up his dick now, your tongue flattening against it all the way when he slowly pushes your head back down and you swallow the bit of precum that dripped out of him. You felt your own wetness drip out of your pussy with every movement down his cock and one of your hands found its way back into yourself. You pushed your fingers every time your head bobbed up and down and Yangyang groaned. Then, his hold tightened only slightly against your head and attempted to pull you off but, you stayed put, moving your head further down until he hit the back of your throat and he couldn't hold it back anymore, cumming immediately as soon as he felt your lips hit his crotch and you swallowed. You moved your head off of his dick, savoring the taste of his cum against your tongue and, in a bold move, you licked your lips.

"Hm," you hummed happily.

"What?" He catches his breath.

"Sweet."

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babyangelsky · 9 days

Text

Two Worlds: Novel vs. Series (Part 2)

In my first post in this little series, I went over some of the differences between the novel for Two Worlds and the show. The novel is very convoluted and a lot of changes were made so in that post I only covered the changes to World 1 and now I am here to do the same for World 2.

Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to read that absolute monster of a breakdown, I appreciate you a lot 💖

As I stated previously, the official English translation of the novel is only updated through chapter seven, which equates to roughly episode 3 of the show and can be found here. (Trigger warning for discussion and sometimes graphic mentions of suicide)

Okay, let's do this!

World 2, aka the world Kram travels to in the series

Generally speaking, there haven't been as many changes to World 2 in the novel as there were for World 1. There also hasn't been as much that has been cut entirely, with one exception which I'll go over.

Of course, I suspect that might just be because of how early it is in the novel. Bear in mind, the translation is only updated through chapter seven so far and major changes could well very happen later on. My scope is limited to what has been made available.

That being said, in the chapters dedicated to World 2, we pretty much only get Phupha's perspective. Kram is present, as are Tai and Wayu briefly, but we don't get a whole lot of them and we don't spend any time in their point of view. Again, with that one major and also one minor exception.

The Prologue

Because the prologue takes place in World 2, I chose to cover it here instead of in my last post.

In the show, the prologue takes place after Phupha's death and consists of some flashes of his relationship with Kram as Kram walks along the edge of the waterfall. He drops Phupha's locket into the water, falls in while trying to reach for it, you know the rest.

In the novel, the prologue opens with Kram lost in the forest, also after Phupha's death. From his mention of a legend, we can infer that something happened surrounding Moonshadow cave but we don't know what.

Kram is distraught and crying and all he wants is to go home, but when he makes it out of the forest and arrives at the place is house is supposed to be, it isn't there.

Speaking of legends...

Moonshadow Cave

The mechanics surrounding the waterfall haven't quite been fully explained in the novel yet, only alluded to, but changes have been made here as well. Mostly out of necessity.

In the show, travel between worlds becomes possible on nights when the water turns blue and glowy.

In the novel, however, it's unclear whether conditions for travel between worlds exist. There's no mention of specific times or the water turning blue, but there is mention of a whirlpool near the bottom of the pool that's fed by the waterfall.

I suspect therein lies the mechanic that allows travel but again, it just hasn't been explained yet.

How Things Start Off

The show opens in World 1 with Kram but the novel opens in World 2 with Phupha.

(As an aside, I should mention that in the novel, the worlds are differentiated by 'present day' and '5 years ago'. The chapters that begin with '5 years ago' take place in what the show establishes as World 1 and the chapters that begin with 'present day' take place in World 2. It's helpful to keep that in mind if you do what I did and go to the novel after the show.)

Phupha wakes up from a nightmare wherein he dreamt he was being murdered. He has a headache but nothing to take for it, so he decides to go to the drugstore and feels someone watching him as he walks.

We learn that he has been having nightmares about being murdered for a while now and as he's in the store, he notices a figure staring at him from across the street. He can't tell who it is and when he looks again, they're gone. We also learn that about a month ago, someone slipped a note under his apartment door warning him that someone was plotting against him.

He feels himself being watched again as he leaves the store but can't see anyone. As he tries to shake off his unease, he gets a call from Wayu telling him that there's a problem with the "new kid" that's about to start working with them.

Wayu has learned that despite a very convincing fake ID, absolutely everything about this new kid is fake. Wayu suspects the involvement of the gambling mafia but Phupha tells him not to do anything.

The New Kid

Yeah, it's Kram.

The Interview

The next day Phupha is meant to go to see Auntie Lhu with Kram, but before they go we get a flashback to the interview, which if you'll recall is where Kram meets alternate Phupha officially in the show.

There are only a few details that are different. The interview goes just about as well in the novel as it does in the show but here, our boy Kram is a lot more timid and hesitant as Phupha asks him questions. He also doesn't play the nepo baby card when Phupha tells him to leave. Kram simply tells him that he can't because Auntie Lhu told him to come find Phupha.

It's also Phupha who says that if Kram wants the job, then that meeting with Auntie Lhu has to take place. Kram agrees and calls Phupha "your grace (khun chai)" which feels familiar to Phupha for reasons he can't explain.

The Trip to the Waterfall

There are a few more differences here than there are in the interview. Because we spend so much more time with Kram and Tai, the show just kind of cuts to Kram and Phupha at the waterfall. In the novel, we get some lead up.

The interview takes place in a flashback the morning Phupha and Kram are set to go to the waterfall. They drive there together in one car while Wayu and some guards following in another car. On the way, Phupha confronts Kram about lying about his identity and tries to talk to him about the why but Kram apologizes but he's being kinda cagey.

At one point he calls Phupha "khun chai" again and when Phupha tells him not to, Kram responds that that's what he used to call him and doesn't explain further.

Once they get as far as they can by car, the two continue by foot. Kram leads Phupha up the mountain just like he did in World 1 because Auntie Lhu's house is a good way up. Phupha gets tired and dizzy part way through the hike so Kram suggests they stop to rest at Moonshadow cave.

Phupha doesn't want to rest for very long because he doesn't wanna be late for the meeting but Kram keeps insisting because of the height and Phupha's tiredness and accidentally slips and mentions Phupha's mother's death. Only Phupha hasn't mentioned his mother at all and things immediately go south.

Phupha is demanding answers but Kram ain't giving any so Phupha tries to leave. Except he can't, because KRAM PULLS A GUN ON HIM.

WHY DO YOU HAVE A GUN, KRAM?

He says he's not going to do anything and just wants Phupha to jump into the waterfall. Phupha refuses, Kram fires a warning shot, Phupha still refuses. So Kram decides to forget about the gun and rushes Phupha instead.

The two of them tumble over the edge and fall into the pool. Kram is still holding onto Phupha, who sees the whirlpool at the bottom. Fearing getting sucked into it, he punches Kram until he lets go and swims to safety.

Phupha emerges from the water. Kram does not.

Post-Waterfall Aftermath

Once again, instead of cutting to the aftermath, we get some lead up. And get to spend some time in Wayu's perspective.

Seeing Phupha's car but no Phupha, Wayu and the guards begin to look for him. They follow a stream that leads to the pool and find Kram trying to get out of it. They help him and Kram tells them that he and Phupha fell into the water accidentally. Wayu doesn't buy it.

We switch back to Phupha's perspective. He's in the forest trying to make his way back to his car but spots Wayu's car instead. Wayu is very relieved to see him and repeats the story that Kram had told him.

Phupha is very surprised that Kram is alive and in the car, so he tells Wayu the truth about what happened and suggests they take Kram to The Archive to get some answers.

Something else they cut out of the show is that as they're all driving out of the forest, they're stopped by Auntie Lhu. She asks them to let Kram go but they refuse since they believe Kram tried to kill Phupha. They go back and forth for a bit until Phupha gets fed up and decides they'll leave on foot if she won't let their cars through.

Kram tells Auntie Lhu that he'll go with Phupha and she relents and lets them leave.

The Archive

'The Archive' is the rather ominous name given to the secret prison Phupha takes Kram to in order to extract answers from him. Phupha's aunt (the one we know later betrays him) uses it to do shady shit for the benefit of the family company.

Things here happen pretty much the same as they do in the show, except for the fact that it's a guard who beats Kram instead instead of Wayu and Phupha is angrier and a bit more involved than he is in the show.

Kram passes out and it's at this point that things deviate.

As Phupha gets lost in thought because of all the shit going on and the warning Kram reiterated, a shot rings out behind him. One of the guards in the room with them has fired at the ceiling and demands that they untie Kram.

Surprise except not really because the guard is Tai!

Tai forces Phupha, Wayu, and the other guard into a cell at gunpoint and before he leaves with Kram, he once again reiterates to Phupha that his life is in danger from the person closest to him. Not only that, he tells Phupha exactly how he's going to be killed and surprise-not-really-surprise, it's the same as in the nightmares that Phupha has been having.

The Stabbing of Viroj (Once More with Feeling)

The conversation Phupha has with his father Adisak after Tai and Kram escape The Archive happens pretty much the same as in the show. Adisak wants him to go abroad, Phupha doesn't want to, etc. The only thing I'll note is that Phupha is thrown off and a little hurt by how much his aunt agrees with Adisak since she's the person he's closest to because she practically raised him. She even says she wants him to go so he won't die!

DANGER, WILL ROBINSON. DANGER!

Just as he does in the show, Phupha goes to visit Viroj after talking to Adisak but in the novel we get to see a bit more of the relationship between Phupha and Run before shit hits the fan.

It's not made entirely clear in the show, but Run isn't Viroj's biological daughter. She was a foster daughter he later adopted. Phupha seems very attracted to her, he cares for her a lot, and believes they're very well suited, but isn't entirely sure if it's love.

Phupha is waiting for her to bring her work to his bedroom so they can spend some time together that he hears her scream.

We know what happens next. Viroj is stabbed, although the wound isn't too deep. Phupha has his hemophilia realization, calls for help, help won't come, so he decides to take Viroj to the hospital himself. And because of the incident with Tai back at The Archive, Phupha believes he's somehow stopping help from coming to them.

As Phupha, Run, and Viroj are on their way to a hospital in the next province, Phupha calls his dad Adisak, who in turn calls help. The call goes the same as it did in World 1; somehow the hospital knows that Viroj was stabbed despite Phupha not having told that particular detail to Adisak.

The Crash

In the show, Phupha gets run off the road by the masked man he after manages to get Viroj to the hospital and learns the truth of his parentage from him.

In the novel, they never make it to the hospital and Phupha doesn't learn the truth from Viroj. Instead he learns the truth from Wayu, who he'd asked to dig into some information and who learns that Adisak was sterile and thus couldn't have been Phupha's biological father.

As they're driving, Run notices that they're being followed. The car is flashing its high beams at them and honking continuously but Phupha doesn't slow down or pull over.

Turns out the people following them are Tai and Kram. Tai is shouting for Phupha to stop but of course, Phupha refuses. He does think it's strange that Tai and Kram should appear precisely now but his gut tells him that they don't want to hurt him.

Unfortunately up ahead there's a pickup truck blocking the road and Phupha doesn't see it in time to avoid it. He swerves, side-swipes the truck, and the car ends up flipping a couple of times.

The wreck is approached by a thoroughly fucking creepy and psychopathic masked man whose perspective I personally really did NOT need to spend any time in, and the chapter ends with him detailing his plan.

And that, beloved reader, is where the translation leaves off for now. The only thing I left out is a huge flashback about Viroj and Adisak's history that spans like a chapter and a half. I left it out because despite giving us a lot of insight into them, it's not quite within the scope of me detailing the differences in the main plot of the show and the novel.

I could write an entire essay on them alone. I already had a lot of feelings about Viroj in the show because he's such a tragic figure, and he's even more tragic in the novel. There's a lot of love in my queer little heart for his character and it broke for him.

I am going to keep reading the novel as it's updated because it really is a fascinating story despite being so convoluted. I'm having a great time reading it. Obviously I'm not going to keep writing about the differences because who knows how long it'll take to complete the translation, could be a year from now.

But if there's anything you wanna know, feel free to ask!

#two worlds #two worlds the series #two worlds spoilers #two worlds novel #two worlds novel spoilers

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