i hadn’t gone to my gen ed english class in like 3 days n today i finally went n got there kinda early so it was just me n my english professor and i started apologizing for not being there/emailing him/turning my late work and he’s just like “are you okay?” n i’m flustered m like yes but it’s just a lot going on right now—but i hate giving excuses bc in my eyes no excuse is good enough to avoid the consequences to my actions but he kinda cuts me off n is “u don’t have to tell me anything. i just want to make sure you’re okay.” and didn’t say anything abt the missing work MEANWHILE my nursing professor who knows i’ve been going thru it mentally and literally witnessed me start to breakdown in tears when she askef me if i was ok after she’d lectured me and made snide mean comments and jabs bc i didn’t come to her for help for something stupid and she has no idea how hard it is for me to ask for help or extensions because i’ve been taught that in this world i must do everything on my own, alone, and i have trouble asking for extensions bc i feel like they’re gonna say no bc i don’t deserve them bc i don’t have a good enough excuse to ask for one bc i was taught never to give excuses bc i should’ve done something more in the first place and so anyways i missed the extension for turning in the rough draft our big research paper n she emailed me AND CC’the director of the nursing program n was like u automatically get a 0 for the draft and if u don’t turn in ur final paper YOU WILL FAIL THIS CLASS AND WILL NOT GRADUATE…….anyways what im trying to say is that my gen ed english professor isnt. making me out to be a monster unlike my nursing professor who literally has more of a clue abt my mental health than him like???????

FOR THE BETTER

Hello and greetings to anyone that gets to read this. It is my first story. I wanted to try and see how this was received before continuing so please feel free to let me know how you like it. Please be easy on me it is my first one I am new to this, but I hope you like it. Its a bit slow right now but I swear the chapters will get going as we go along on this ride together. Okay *curvies* love ya! Enjoy!

Dark Clark Kent x (Black)!Plus Size Reader

SUMMARY: (I suck at them but here goes) After working miserable unfulfilling jobs, you decide to go back to school to pursue your dream in writing. You get the very handsome, very smart Mr. Kent as your English/Literature Professor. You've always stayed to yourself preferring to have your alone time and focus on your writing. Mr. Kent comes in to shake that way of thinking up and its all with your best interest at heart (well his best interest at heart){Cheesy, am I right?}

"For the weekend's assignment. Something very simple, almost high school level. Don't complicate it." Mr. Kent said dragging his feet to tell you all what the stupid assignment was.

"Get to the point." You thought out loud as you rested your head in your hand. He glared at you for moment before continuing. You felt your face flush, because-'no way he heard me' you thought.

"I want you all to write me a paper on...one thing you like about yourself and why." He rushed out. "I want you all to be as genuine as possible, if you're going to be journalists you have to capture your audience. If you can sell yourself, then you can sell a story. If you're a snooze fest......I honestly don't know what to tell you" He chuckled

Everyone groaned because why???

"Due next Monday on the dot. NO EXCEPTIONS!" He belted. "If you don't have your paper on Monday, you will stand up and give a 5 minute speech on said topic."

'What kind of teenage topic is this?' You thought.

"Don't give me lip guys, you signed up for this. I didn't make you do anything." He said pointing at all of you. "No complaining. Monday! Class dismissed." He announced causing everyone to scatter. You were just about out the door when he stopped you.

"Y/n, can you stay back for bit?"

"Yeah sure." You immediately got nervous. You weren't used to being singled out, you always managed to stay below the radar. You'd figured out ways to stay out of sight out of mind after always being criticized by your family, so getting asked to stay back wasn't a normal thing. You braced yourself for the "you can do better speech" and hoped it wouldn't take too long. You watched as the room emptied and he gathered his stuff.

"Come on, lets step into my office." He said leading the way with his hands full. "Have a seat." he said motioning to the chair in front of his desk. you sat feeling butterflies in the pit of your stomach. Literally everyone would've given anything to be where you were. Mr. Kent was almost mythical. You didn't know a day where you didn't think 'DAMN that man know he fine!' And you knew he knew it.

"Bet you think I'm gonna talk about your grades." he chuckled. "While I do require your improvement,"

'Require?' you thought hoping your face didn't covey your attitude.

"I wanted to talk about something else."

"O-kay?"

"I've notice, you're very um...to yourself, is everything-"

'Oh there it is.'

"Mr. Kent, please don't analyze me. I am a whole different breed of human. I don't do people."

"I'm sorry?" he asked tilting his head.

"I just value my alone time. You can't have that with people."

"You can still have space with other people in your life." he said shaking his head at you.

"I didn't say space, I said alone time, and that's not the same. That's still with people. Like, no." you said crossing you arms.

He stared at your for a second, the he began to laugh, and rub his eyes. "You really are something."

"Mm-hmm its true."

"I'm just saying its healthy to get out and socialize every once and awhile, not all the time, I mean-don't you get lonely sometimes?

"No, not really. I mean don't give me wrong I'm human. I get the urge to hang out, then I do, then I remember why I didn't want to do it in the first place." you said realizing you were almost ranting. He eyed you as if he didn't believe you.

"I tell you what, I know you say you're fine, but for my sanity, can we be friends? You know just someone to check on you, make sure you're okay? If-if you hate it by the end of the week then I'll let it go."

"Mr. Kent, no offense, but why do you care? I mean, you have your own life, I'm sure you got a nice family you should be there for, so like....I'm gonna need a it all to make sense."

"Its mean, don't get me wrong I enjoy solitude too, and its not because I don't like people," he chuckled, "but I know what its like to sometimes need someone I could just talk to when I really needed it most and not having it. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Its funny because it would always lead me home."

"Well that's the difference between you and me, there is no going back." you sighed. You contemplated it 'It couldn't hurt could it?' "Okay."

"Okay?"

"We can be friends." you resigned.

"Great!" he said clapping his hands together.

"Only til the end of the week." You said standing stretching. "So we good? Can I go?"

"Actually, what are you doing tonight? I mean, my ma is cooking dinner and-"

"Okay anything food related, I'm down." You cut him off.

"Good, well I'll pick you up at 6?"

"Yeah sure." You said trying to get away.

"Uh, Y/n?"

"Yes?" You asked sweetly.

"I'm going to need your address." He said knowing you knew he needed it.

You gave you your information and booked it out of there. You immediately went home and took a nap. The whole ordeal was a bit draining for you.

It was your phones constant vibrating that woke you out of a deep sleep. You let it ring a few more times before picking it up.

"What?" You groaned into the phone.

"Y/n are ready? I'm like 15 minutes away." Mr. Kent asked.

"Ready for what?"

"Food?"

"Food? Food! Oh shit!" You said jumping up remembering dinner plans. "I'll be ready when you get here." You said quickly hanging up and rushing to get ready. By the time you felt you looked decent enough, he called and told he was there. When you walked out to meet him, you saw his girlfriend was with him and you put on a small smile. 'Of course he has a girlfriend, why wouldn't he. Still a bummer though, oh well.' you thought to yourself as you walked toward them.

"Y/n this is Lois, Lois this is Y/n. Lois is one of the top editors at the Daily Planet." He bragged, and you immediately got nervous. You'd read her work and you'd give to be as good, even better at writing.

"It really is nice to meet you, Clark speaks very highly of you and your writing." she said smiling.

"Really? I mean writing is my passion, I'm aspiring to get at least in the door. I'm not an editor or professor, but I think I'm okay." You said realizing you were babbling on because of your anxiety.

"Be confident in your work. It shows when you really mean what you're writing about. It also shows when you're doubting yourself." She said smiling at you. You immediately liked her and hoped to get to know her for advice sometime. You all got in and they fell into easy chatter along the way. Every now and again they'd touch on a topic you'd find interesting or be excited about, and you'd really get into it, smiling and being expressive. You'd catch Clark staring at you, a bit shocked at how much you had to say after months of being so quiet, and you'd retreat like a turtle back into your shell. You tried to not enjoy being around them, but every now and again, you liked talking to people on your level. Every now and again, you'd get lost in the breeze of the night air. You'd look out and get lost looking at the stars and the moon out of the open window of the moving car. You get so lost you forgot the other two people in the car and you'd miss the glances Clark took at you through the rearview mirror. When you all arrived at his moms farm you practically gawked at all the land around. You driven by open field and corn fields, you'd never actually gotten to see it up close.

As you all got out, his mom stepped out and waved at you.

"Well, looks like we got extra family tonight." she said smiling. You immediately felt a bit awkward. "Oh dear don't be shy, any friend of Clark is family." She said pulling you into a big hug.

"Thank you for having me Mrs. Kent." You said smiling.

"No go on now you just call me Martha." she said smiling and leading you inside. "You two come along, you know the routine." She said waving Lois and Clark inside. Dinner was great, you even found yourself laughing out loud. It exhilarated you and scared you to have such a good time around other people. You almost, ALMOST, didn't want the night to end, but you missed your bed. As if reading your mind, Clark announced it was time to leave.

"Looks like someone is ready for bed." He chuckled.

"Yep, I miss my solitude." You said stretching. Clark shook his head at you.

"What?" You asked innocently.

You said your final farewells and got in the car heading home. The ride home was peaceful, there was a calm silence between you three and you smiled watching the love exchanges between the two. You could see how much he loved her and you could understand why, Lois was beautiful woman. Your mind jumped from reasons you weren't in a relationship, to the assignment Clark had given you for the weekend. One thing you like about yourself? That topic was always hard for you and you couldn't even begin to find the words to start. Over the years you'd tried hard to accept yourself, love yourself, and be who you were unapologetically, but the moment you got to the threshold of truly giving yourself a chance, all of the criticism, judgment, and years of being invalidated filled you with fear and dread and you'd go back to your shell and do what you did best. Stay in your own bubble. Tears stung your eyes as you tried to stomp down the voices of doubt and resentment, 'It's okay, I'm good, I do what I have to and I'm happy with it. I'm at peace.' you thought to yourself over and over.

"You okay?" Clarks deep voice full of concerned pulled you from your thoughts and you shook you head to bring yourself back to reality.

"Yeah, just trying to stay awake." you said avoiding his gaze. The ride continued in silence and you couldn't help but drift off. One moment you were letting the ride soothe you to sleep and the next you heard a voice cooing you to sleep.

"Shh shh shh it's okay" Clark whispered. You couldn't help but cover your eyes. You were in Clark's arms as he carried you to the apartment.

"Woah," you said trying to get out of his arms. He gently placed you on your feet like a flower.

"Hey, its okay, calm down." He said gently rubbing your arms.

"S-sorry, I've just never-"

"Had anyone carry you before." He said finishing your sentence. You shifted feeling a bit awkward.

"Well, thanks for dinner. Thanks Lois!" You waved at her before going to your door. "Goodnight." you said one last time as you got inside. During the weekend you were extremely restless and was finding it hard to concentrate long enough to work on your assignment. Even when you sat waiting for words to form in your mind you eventually got busy doing something different. The night before class, you had an idea pop in your head, and you decided to go for it. You just hoped it would all make sense, it was the only think your mind focused on.

intergalactic au w/ zhongli, childe, and xiao

prompt: futuristic/intergalactic!au w/ zhongli, childe, and xiao for my 1.5k follower event pairings: zhongli x gn!reader, childe x gn!reader, xiao x gn!reader, word count: 2.8k words (i really like this au, ok?) a/n: haha oh jeez ok my knowledge of intergalactic stuff is an amalgamation of different stuff so this is gonna involve a few different types of space stuff! some of these are longer than others, apologies for the discrepancies in length! i had to stop some of these from becoming full fics hhhh

ZHONGLI

“so,” you state, unceremoniously slamming your hands down on the metal lunch table in front of you. “rex lapis. discuss.”

the two colleagues sitting in front of you differ in reactions to your noisy gesture. the shorter and angrier of the two, xiao, jumps slightly at the sudden intrusion, despite the bustling noise of the starship’s cafeteria surrounding the three of you. at his side, zhongli sits, regal as ever, sipping on a cup of tea that fails to shake within his grip. the brunette sets the drink down on the table before him and looks at you patiently.

“what do you wish for us to discuss?” zhongli asks while xiao scowls at you in annoyance.

“there’s nothing to discuss,” xiao grumbles, cutting up cubes of the low-grade tofu in front of him with the side of his fork absentmindedly. “he died. the end.”

“did he?” you challenge and xiao lets out a heavy sigh of a man worn out by your mere existence. “alright, zhongli, hear me out on this. what if it’s just a coverup by the liyuean fleet? none of us really even knew what he looked like, who he was, et cetera et cetera, y’know? so like... he could very well be alive.”

“indulging in conspiracy theories,” xiao mutters. “how mature of you.” he grouchily stabs some of the decimated remains of the tofu cubes in front of them and takes a bite, wincing slightly at the low quality texture. however, zhongli’s honey eyes shine with mirth at your proposition. 

“i believe that such notions are never beyond the realm of possibility,” zhongli confesses, causing xiao to sputter and choke on his cafeteria meal.

“you have to be kidding me. that’s the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard. they could’ve just said he retired or something. why would the fleet cover up his existence with a falsified death?” xiao challenges, his gaze flickering between your smug expression and zhongli’s entirely placated one.

“some people say rex lapis turned into a dragon and flew away. oooo~! watch out, xiao, he’s going to come for you, oooo~!” you mimic the sounds of a ghost as you flap your hands in a wing-like motion, leaning in closer to xiao, who leans away in repulsion and fear. xiao shrieks slightly as you breach his personal space and he hides behind zhongli’s figure, whose intense gaze causes you to stop your teasing and sit up straight, despite a soft smile gracing his elegant features.

“(y/n),” zhongli questions in a soft tone reserved only for you. “did you finish your review of the engine room’s oxygen and sediment filter?”

you look sheepishly down at the tray of food in front of you. “no, but... nobody’s allowed in the engine room right now. some dumb intern got his keycard stolen so the whole room is on lockdown while they reprogram everyone else’s.”

“well, if you have no other tasks to complete today, would you like to assist me with my research?” zhongli asks and, with no hesitation, you nod in response.

“of course! do you still need help with analyzing how to best redirect flow of air in the suits of the astronauts traveling to planet 48-ab-9?” you say, looking to make sure you and zhongli are on the same page. he smiles at you, which gives you the answer you need before the words even fall from his lips.

“yes, but there may also be possible diversions to other planets and air pressure within the spacesuits on one planet may cause ruptures in the other and-” zhongli begins, but is interrupted by xiao standing up abruptly, the tofu on his tray barely touched.

“i am full!” xiao declares, which causes you to narrow your eyes at him in disbelief. zhongli, however, buys xiao’s blatant lie. “which means, like every upstanding worker of the liyuean fleet, it’s time to return back to the contractual chains of coding hell!”

you can only watch as the green-haired man scurries off without waiting for your responses, far too eager to return to the cybersecurity job he always seems to complain about.

“so, where were we?” zhongli asks, capturing your undivided attention once more. you let out a soft huff of amusement at the situation and flash a smile in return.

---

zhongli is a consistently overlooked member of the liyuean fleet, residing as one of the few interplanetary geologists on board. to put it simply, zhongli works alongside you, an environmental engineer, to help ensure the safety of liyuean fleet explorers as they venture into unknown territory. you develop the products and do routine maintenance on various air quality-related machinery within the massive mothership of the liyuean fleet, while zhongli studies previously-recorded information about other planets in order to provide hypotheses about what potential new planets’ geological systems may be like and what needs to be done for astronauts to acclimate to them.

the talkative geologist is polite to all, but talkative to few, one of whom is you. while the two of you work side by side, the man has a tendency to ramble about the compositions of different planetary soils and what they means to human life should they encounter it. if you’re being honest with yourself, the topic nearly puts you to sleep, but you find it adorable that he can talk so passionately for so long on such a mundane topic.

you let zhongli ramble for three reasons. one: you don’t have the heart to tell him to stop. two: you have a massive crush on him that only seems to worsen the more you see his amber eyes nearly glow with passion whenever you ask questions about his work. finally, three: you’re waiting for zhongli to slip up and reveal why someone of his talent finally got assigned to the mothership immediately after the supposed death of rex lapis.

as he launches into another rambling session, you can’t help but zone zhongli out as a startling idea pops into your head about the calming man who loves three things in life (history, tea, and rocks, in that order).

could he be...? you push the thought out of your head and decide to accept the liyuean fleet command’s announcement at face value. commander rex lapis is dead and there’s absolutely, certainly, definitely no way that zhongli is the man who once brought the tsaritsa’s warships to a crumbling halt.

right?

CHILDE

the dashing rogue with a heart of gold is certainly one of the most respectable men in the galaxy. he saves damsels in distress and redistributes wealth to the poor. he’s perfect in every manner -- don’t you see his charming smile? how could you not trust him? he’ll lure you in with sweet words and false affections, brushing your hair behind your ear as he makes you giggle and flustered due to his flirtations. the illusion pops when he waltzes away from you with a wink and you realize you’re missing your wallet a few minutes later. 

childe, a man of many aliases ranging from the theatrical tartaglia to the mythological ajax, is one of the galaxy’s most wanted thieves. he’ll insist he’s not a kleptomaniac, but feeds off the golden veins of wealth he steals from others as if he is a vampire, a primal instinct he can’t seem to control. no target is too big or small for the man, especially if a rival is involved.

in this case, it’s you. he finds you at a bar, in which grating electronic music blasts overhead and rainbow lights paint his skin in different colors as they flash to the beat. childe is forced to yell over the music, yet none of his signature charm is lost as he does his best to cozy up to you, buying you a drink and warding off any unwanted suitors, especially the alien with eight hands who wont stop insisting that he just wants to hold one of yours. 

you almost let yourself get swept away in his radiant baby blues and his wispy, ruddy brown hair, but you’re smarter than that. you can see the intelligence in his eyes and you wonder if he can see it in yours. despite his kindness and his genuine enthusiasm to hear what you have to say, he holds an arrogance in his posture that shows that childe is underestimating you. you know what he’s after: the keycard to the liyuean fleet engine room, one you had swiped off some unsuspecting intern earlier in the day to deposit in your own safekeeping, in hopes to one day sell it to likely nefarious evildoers who would pay a pretty penny for an access key like that.

but buyers have never been one to keep secrets and you’re far too aware that loose lips sink ships -- or in this case, the main starship of the liyuean fleet -- and childe is far too aware of the card that lies within your possession. you smile as you feel his hand gently tug your wallet out of your coat pocket, an action that would have gone unnoticed if you weren’t a master thief as well. you let him walk away as he winks at you and promises to see you again, a blatant lie on his behalf.

you’re gone from your seat before he realizes the keycard isn’t in your wallet -- nothing is. it’s empty, aside from a faded business card offering the services of your thievery, with a smiley face drawn on the back and two words: duped ya! emblazoned next to the face that taunts childe. a rush of adrenaline ripples through him and he’s not sure whether it’s due to rage or excitement. as he reaches into his pocket, he decides it’s the former as childe realizes the keys to his ship are missing.

childe can’t help but smile when he sees his ship missing in the public dock nearby. after all, he had a new goal: tracking you, his treasured spaceship, and that damned keycard down, even if he would have to scour the entire galaxy just to see your eyes once more.

XIAO

“hey,” a familiar voice barks, which xiao ignores as he nuzzles his face further into his elbow, having fallen asleep at his desk. “hey!” the voice is more insistent and he feels fingers dig into his shoulder, shaking his slumped over form and moving xiao’s wheeled office chair slightly. “get up. you’re sleeping on the job and night shift is coming soon.”

as the voice continues to not leave him alone, xiao finally realizes who is speaking to him. its you. upon this realization, xiao concedes and sits up, wincing as he adjusts to the harsh fluorescent lights that illuminate the room.

“there is no night shift. we’re in space. that’s not a-” xiao complains, but upon seeing you and realizing what you’re holding up in a bag in your hand, ceases his whining and instead chooses to look up at you with wide eyes. “holy shit, is that surface almond tofu?! how did you get that?!”

“sheesh.” you begin, waving the bag slightly back and forth. “i didn’t think you would get this riled up over it.” 

“i would sell my soul for a bag of that after suffering through the eternal misery that is the food on this godforsaken ship.” xiao deadpans and you can’t help but think he’s almost serious. he extends his hands to you and you can’t help but note the way the sleeves of his uniform are pushed up to his elbows, especially since his forearms showcase a plethora of scars that you rarely get to see. they signal that the man is an outsider to your legion of computer nerds (and that his well-defined forearms are really hot, but that’s beside the point). 

you quickly snap out of your daze as his hands crinkle the bag you’re holding and you lightly swat his hands away from the bag, glaring at him. a scowl crosses his features at your actions and he slumps against the back of his chair, swiveling to fully face you.

“the tofu is yours, but i need something in exchange,” you bargain and you watch as xiao’s eyes narrow at the horrid implication held within your tone. “a lot of my cybersecurity guys are out trying to rework the engine room’s login mechanism... it’s a long story. anyways, i was wondering if you’d find it within the kindness of your heart to pick up one of their shifts.”

“you’re not paying me for this shift, are you?” xiao asks and you can feel your face scrunch up in irritation.

“listen, i went to hell and back to try to get you this tofu so you would say yes and you’re worried about payment? they cover lodging and food when you work he-” you begin to rant, but a rare smile from xiao makes the words die on your lips as you feel heat rise to your face.

“i never said i wouldn’t. you’re always so quick to judge.” his tone is condescending as he smirks smugly at you, reaching to take the bag of tofu from your now slackened grip as you stare at him, visibly flustered by his haughty tone in tandem with a grin you scarcely see.

“oh... uh, alright,” you try to recover, readjusting your posture to stand up straighter, willing yourself to stay composed. his golden eyes stare directly into yours as he plucks a cube of tofu out of the bag with his index finger and thumb. without breaking eye contact, he pops the tofu cube into his mouth and, after swallowing, licks his lips. “let’s um... let’s get started!”

---

xiao is a former yaksha, an elite fighter who served as part of commander rex lapis’s most trusted squadron of soldiers. after an injury rendered him unfit to return to battle, xiao decided to look for other ways to help defend the liyuean fleet, which resulted in him joining your group of cybersecurity experts, who protect the fleet by making sure all systems remain secure and that there are no electronic security breaches.

at the beginning of his job, xiao was fairly terrible with technology and would have been fired nearly immediately for his incompetence if not for his direct recommendation from rex lapis himself. unfortunately for you, you were assigned his superior and nearly lost your mind when the man had to stare at the keyboard in order to know where the keys were as he typed. xiao’s attitude was initially offputting, both sardonic and angry, but he eventually sheathed his bitter defensive weapon of haughtiness and condescension in order to ask you for help outside of work hours to help him learn how to be better at his job.

now, several years later, the two of you are fairly good friends (as good as one can be friends with xiao, you think) to the point where he whines about his dumb bumbling friends (zhongli and some other person you had yet to catch the name of) who run in circles around each other, despite the fact that they blatantly like each other. each time he complains, you scratch your head in confusion, because you and him do the exact same thing.

you’re not entirely oblivious. you’ve realized that xiao acts... different around you than he does around most people. he’s softer and more open, but you don’t want to get your hopes up, so you’ve made yourself more open in return, hoping that he’ll realize your interest. often times, your flirtations will leave him flustered and reeling, but on rare occasions, xiao will take the opportunity to fluster you instead, which is far more effective than any way you could try to charm him. you’re fairly sure he can read you like an open book, so you wait for him to confess his emotions to you.

little do you know, xiao feels the exact same way about you as he awaits your confession. no, he’s not scared of rejection. he’s a former yaksha, do you know how many people he’s taken down? why would he be scared of heartbreak and the utter agony that follows as he’s forced not only to deal with rejection but report to you at work every day? ... oh. maybe he is a little scared. just a teensy, tiny little bit scared.

but hey, if the two of you are lucky, maybe you’ll both confess at the same time after the tension between the two of you nearly suffocates you both.

Your belief in personal responsibility would be Republican if Republicans weren't the party of "let's cover up a coup" and "Why should I wear a face covering to prevent others from getting sick?" You do have a sense of calling yourself out for your past misdeeds, which I don't think Republicans do.

I don't know if it's Republican or not, but I do think that Democrats and liberals/leftists really do shy away from personality responsibility and it drives me insane. I'm not saying that people shouldn't have room to make mistakes but actually, there are consequences to the decisions we make and the actions we take, and we have to be cognizant of that.

Like, not everybody is equally good at everything and that's fine, not everybody has to be equally good at everything! However, people being better at certain things that are valued more in our society doesn't mean those things are worthless and morally inferior or whatever. I've seen this so much with humanities people online yelling that like everybody who's good at STEM is a war criminal that supports Raytheon or whatever and it's morally superior to be working at a literary agency making $37k a year, but actually, the reality is that a lot of STEM jobs are well-compensated because everybody who complains on social media about how much engineers are paid uses Twitter and Tumblr to complain!!! These jobs are paid well because their services are in high demand! And, I'm saying this as someone who is not great at coding but has worked very, very hard to be slightly better than mediocre at coding so I'm able to compete for jobs that pay more than $37k a year.

Also, even if people aren't naturally good at things, they can improve their skills through hard work and putting in the due diligence like your capabilities in academia or in sports or in art aren't immutable. For instance, I took a physics class in college and I struggle with physics a lot, so my boyfriend at the time would work with me on every single problem set and help me study for the prelims and final. But, despite all my effort, I still barely scraped a B- in the class after begging the professor to round my grade up while that boyfriend got an A+ in the class with very little effort because he's simply much, much better at physics than I'll ever be.

And, if I hadn't worked as hard as I did in that physics class, I flat out wouldn't have passed. I did every single homework assignment and was always at office hours, but I got a C on the first prelim, I got a D on the next prelim, and it's only because I busted my ass to get an A- on the final after doing practice problems for a week straight that I managed to get a B- in the class. It's not fair that I had to work so hard to get a B- while other people coasted and got A+s but that's just how the world works, and my choices were either to fail the class or do the work so I did the work. And besides, I managed to ace some other classes that people who are amazing at physics and computer science comparatively struggled with, so it kind of evened out.

And I honestly wish other people would have that same mentality instead of like, being salty that Tumblr user Dhaaruni doesn't think that effectively banning calculus in public schools is a good policy because it screws over kids that are good at math.

HI, IT'S ME! YOUR LOCAL CHAOTIC WEIRDO!!!!! I'M BACK AGAIN LIKE I AM TWICE EVERY WEEK

IT'S MY BOY DAVID THIS TIME! WHY AM I SO HYPER! MAYBE BECAUSE THEY KISSED! AND I HAD TO SUPPRESS MY SCREAMS BCAUSE IM IN CLASS AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY IS OUTSIDE MY DOOR (NOT LITERALLY OFC)

OK OK OK OK OK OK

MAX AND DAVID ARE AT THE LONDON INSTITUTE YESYESYESYES

He rather liked that part in a story – when the hero fell, and everything seemed bleak. It always meant that hope was just around the corner. Because darkness never lasted. It was always followed by light. There was nothing more beautiful than that kind of sunrise.

THIS

I literally live my life by this analogy

AHHH DAVID IS ON HIS TRAVEL YEAR AND MAX IS WITH HIM

SCREAM

well i can't scream because my mom is sitting right there and I have class in 4 minutes so imma smile really wide

“Are you planning to read the entire library during your travel year?” Max chuckled.

“Of course not,” David replied. “I will need longer than a year to accomplish that goal.”

Me.

Wait

does max not being able to make portals have something to do with his lineage?

like

demon parent

ok so my programming class started 2 minutes early but screw programming I'm gonna be studying minds not this shit

ok that's a very bad attitude for someone who needs good grades in this year

Max was always hungry.

this is so me

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

TY

THEY MENTIONED TY

also if David doesn't become an institute head in the future THEN WHAT'S THE POINT

“Where is the kitchen?” Max interrupted.

max is such a mood

He had told Max that he had centuries to perfect his magic, that there was no need to rush it. Max had given him a noncommittal nod and nothing more.

HE'S GONNA MAKE THE BEST PORTALS YOU'LL SEE

“I won’t tell the Consul,” Kit winked.

At the mention of the Consul, David straightened up. He had been trying to get into Alec Lightwood’s good graces for years now. He didn’t think sharing a room with his son would do him any favors.

DAVID UDUCDFUHKDUHVUHSDH

PLEASE IF WE DON'T GET A CUTE ALEC AND DAVID SCENE SOON

KIT CALLED TESSA MOM

oh my god

Word was that Mr. Herondale had gone back to his obsession with brewing tea.

JACE

I have so many emotions right now but all I'm gonna say is that I'm so so proud of Rafael

“Do you not want to sleep with me?” Max asked.

UH-

WELL-

DAVID STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE AND ALL THE SHIT

STOP IT

OH MY GOD THE ONE BED TROPE

MAX IS IN HIS ARMS I'M ABOUT TO-

takes a deep breath don't scream. everyone outside this door thinks you're taking programming class

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY

AWW JULIAN PAINTED PORTRAITS FOR THE INSTITUTE

The one of Will Herondale and Tessa Gray – A love that had transcended reality and lasted a lifetime.

The one of James Herondale and Cordelia Carstairs – A love that had started with a lie and then blossomed into nothing but happiness and devotion.

The one of Lucie Herondale and Jesse Blackthorn – A love that had been so powerful that it rewrote the past.

The one of Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild – A love that had walked through hell and shaken up the heavens.

And then there the final one. The one of Kit Herondale and Tiberius Blackthorn – A love that had survived distance and darkness and doom.

This omg...

He wanted a love story. The kind he read in the books. The kind he saw in these portraits.

But he wasn’t a Herondale. He wasn’t sure if he was destined for that kind of love.

HEY

DON'T THINK LIKE THAT

The first part though

same

He might have been a little too excited. It was biologically impossible to control yourself when you find a stranger reading your favorite book in the whole world.

SO TRUE

“I see you already made a new friend,” Max said.

He sounded a little…odd. As if he was not pleased that David had made a new friend.

honey...

take a guess

can I jump in and bash their heads together?

“You are thinking of conjuring chocolate syrup, aren’t you?” David chuckled.

“How do you always know what’s on my mind?” Max chuckled back.

Because I know you, David wanted to say. I just wish I knew what’s in your heart too.

OH MY GOD I CANT WITH THIS

“You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup!” Max was yelling, standing on the chair.

They residents laughed harder, and David shook his head fondly. He hoped one day Max would pursue a career in theatre. He was a born showman.

can I have chocolate syrup?

also, the way David is just so fond of him like DYUSDGYJCDYUJM

“By the angel, do you have to be a drama queen about everything?” the boy next to them muttered – not so quietly.

David blinked. That was uncalled for.

But Max being Max was completely unfazed. “Of course I do. My Bapa would be personally offended otherwise.”

exactly you rude little shit

Max often pretended like people’s words didn’t hurt him - just as he pretend that fire doesn’t burn or wounds don’t bleed.

wow ok stop calling me out

Is max jealous??????

is he??????

how are people so good at languages like damn

TY

TY

TY

TY

“Oh my god,” Max groaned. “Is he already telling people to check on me?”

LMAO

using mundane medicine...

that's risky

but it's also something that WILL help

can't warlocks tamper with the blood samples?

A part of him wondered if that’s why he had agreed to send Max away to London – at least for a week. Because sometimes you didn’t want other people to see you were hurting.

alec I really goddamn hope you're dealing with this well

some of whom had even decided to die than get help from a warlock.

alright then gets my knives but you chose this :D

Nobody brought a book down for breakfast if they didn't like to read.

yes but sometimes also to seem busy so people won't bother you or you won't look alone.

“I know,” the boy said as he walked past them to the gate. “I sat on the stairs and thought about life for a few good minutes.”

his family is the one who took over David's previous institute (i can't spell that. marse- marselli- wat??) methinks.

The gang always visited whenever all of them were in the city together. They would have so much fun! Of course, the 'fun' mostly entailed Rafael stopping Georgia from drinking random potions she found in the stalls, Selena stopping Lexi from opening a psychic booth to help people talk to Raziel and of course David stopping Max from running to the gambling booths.

LMAO, I CANT WITH THIS-

Rafe: I am anxiety.

me at any given moment

EW TESTICLES HE'S EATING THOSE-

ok maybe I'm the only person who's really picky when it comes to food and doesn't eat the majority of things

“Anything on Magnus Bane?” Max asked.

“No,” the woman snapped and shoved some of the letters into a bag and hide it under the table. “Leave Magnus Bane alone!”

“Appreciate your loyalty,” Max winked at her and started examining a diary.

I like her.

"Everyone should be participating in this" -my programming teacher

me, an intellectual: participating in what?? goes to the class web THE FUCK IS THAT

“Something for the shadowhunter?” the woman smiled. “Perhaps an unpublished snippet from the Beautiful Cordelia?”

“Do you have any love letters?” David asked.

“Hmmm,” the woman went through the pages. “I do have a correspondence between an Iblis demon and Christopher Lightwood? Would you be interested in that?”

if u don't mind I would love to see both of those-

you know I just remembered I have a computer assignment I need to submit by the end of this week fml

“Never fall in love with an immortal,” she giggled again. “We don’t like staying in one place.”

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

MAX WHERE ARE YOU

why are we using x and 3 in programming class what the heck is going on

“I’m not just some warlock,” Max said, his voice low. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.”

GIVE HIM THAT NECKLACE BACK

we usually have programming once a week on our physical school days and those are fun because my and my friend are continuously passing notes and talking to each other through writing

The scene where Max fought off all the evil people who tried to steal his valuable belonging. He would fight without breaking a sweat and throw magic fireballs at everyone and then get his necklace back. And then he would kiss David in front of everyone and it would somehow rain all of a sudden.

But life wasn’t a movie or a book. Life was just life.

life's boring

fuck life

I just heard a student ask "why are we not taking out the values of b and c" BESTIE I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING PROGRAMMING AND NOT ALGEBRA?????

“I know there wasn’t anyone to protect you before,” Magnus Bane had said. “But we are here now. We will protect you. This will protect you.”

He hadn’t wanted it back then. He didn't even want it even now.

He didn’t want something to protect him. Most importantly, he didn’t want to cover his scar. He didn’t want to hide it. He wasn’t ashamed of it. It wasn’t a mark of a victim. It was the mark of a survivor.

So, David had smiled and given the bracelet back.

“I never wanted to be protected,” David had replied. “I only ever wanted to be loved.”

The warlock had smiled at that and given David a hug. It had felt different than other hugs he had experienced since he had come to New York.

It wasn’t just the magic. Magnus Bane carried so much love inside himself you could literally feel it through him.

I'm gonna cry during my programming class (where we're doing variables apparently all of a sudden??)

this is so beautiful

“I wasn’t talking about Bapa,” Max said now. “I was talking about the other one.”

David chuckled at that. “Oh, yeah. He is definitely going to kill you.”

what flowers would you like at your funeral?

so Jackson has family troubles

I've definitely got that

yeah I know what it's like to be jealous of someone else's perfect family

JACKSON WTF

Is he trying to ruin max's relationship with his family???

oh hell no

JACKSON THE AUDACITY

“One stolen necklace, One broken nose and One bruised cheek,” he said. “And you’ve been in London for less than a day.”

kit seriously? but is he wrong though?

“This is what I get for falling for a Lightwood-Bane,” David sighed and walked through the portal.

WELL AT LEAST HE'S SELF AWARE

Jackson...

in some ways, I can empathize with him. my younger self anyway. but Jackson this is not how you do things

There was a moment of silence and then Magnus Bane giggled.

“I do love it when the quiet ones go feral,” the warlock grinned.

MAGNUS

NOT.THE.TIME

(me too)

“David!” Mr Herondale gasped. “Is your hand okay?”

yup that's Jace y'all

David hated violence. He hated fighting – which he was often not allowed to say out loud considering he was a shadowhunter.

But it was the truth. He hated hurting people – or even things. It made him feel sick.

“It’s alright, Chouchou,” Mr Herondale ran a hand through David’s hair. “Next time, just-”

“Use my words?” David asked.

“Just don’t get caught,” the man winked.

and that is why I would never want to be a shadowhunter.

I know saying that doesn't do anything but when I first read tsc I wanted to be a shadowhunter really badly and damn that was some time ago but now...violence of any kind is my biggest trigger idek why. and I hate that so much because what kind of a person gets triggered by loud voices and fighting EVEN ON SCREEN??? I usually just push myself to watch stuff because it's dumb. I refuse to see trigger warnings before reading a book or watching a show because damn it, I should be able to stand those things I'm, not a child. and it may be doing me more harm than good but I shouldn't feel like this in the first place

okay...that was long

ANYWAY

“David, I appreciate you standing up for Max,” the Consul said. “But next time, please try not to punch anyone in the face.”

“Yes, sir,” David nodded. “Because it’s wrong.”

“Because it means more paperwork for me,” the Consul groaned and then straightened up. “But yes. Absolutely. Very wrong. No punching people!”

LMAO ALEC

Jackson...

oh

oh

oh

I was wrong then

He was grinning. Magnus Bane must have raised hell in the shadow market.

that must have been fun

Max was doing that thing where he was not trying to pout but he was mostly definitely pouting. It made David want to kiss him. But then the Consul spoke, and David reminded himself he didn’t want to be the third person to get punched in the face this evening.

well-

“I understand that Jackson has been through a lot. But that’s not an excuse for him to hurt those around him. I learned that lesson the hard way. So, you shouldn’t excuse his behaviour.”

someone's trauma and pain is never an excuse to hurt others

but that doesn't mean we should invalidate their trauma either

“You can stay back and try to help him. I won’t stop you,” the man got up now. “But if he tries to hurt you-”

“You will unleash hell?” David chuckled.

“Worse,” the other man grinned. “I will unleash Lexi.”

that is much much worse

Books brought him comfort in so many ways. Just holding one in his hands automatically made him feel better.

oh my god

he gets it

I always have a book with me when I'm out even if I'm not gonna get the time to read it because just the weight and comfort of it in my hands or in my backpack brings me so much comfort and helps with my social anxiety so much

no one understands when I try to tell them that

you get it...

someone gets it finally

AYYY IRENE

“David, it’s very sweet that you want to protect Jackson,” Kit pointed out. “But literally no one is buying that. Not even Irene.”

The lynx purred on his lap as if she agreed with Kit.

“I could break into a liquor cabinet,” David said a little indignantly.

David is the nicest you can get

David wouldn’t. Apparently, everyone already seemed to know that - even the lynx he had met five minutes ago.

we are solving something in class and it's really quiet because we're all doing our work (I'm reading the fic so-) and this one person had their mic open and they kept on whispering their steps and it was so weird I cant-

BUT YES DAVID IS A CINNAMON ROLL. EVEN THE LYNX KNOWS

“We were talking about shitty fathers,” Jackson pointed out. “You’re welcome to stay.”

“I’m gonna need something stronger than red wine for this conversation,” Kit chuckled.

I remember that bitch

David used to do it when he was a child. He used to pretend his life was a story. He used to pretend everything that happened to him was happening to some other boy – a boy who wasn’t real. A boy who lived inside a book. Because it hurt a little less when you pretend like it wasn’t happening to you.

But the pain was still very real.

OK YOU CAN STOP CALLING ME OUT NOW

“I fucking hate ogres,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Was your father an ogre too?” Jackson asked.

“He was more like a harpy,” Kit snorted. “He was always flying and fleeing. I didn’t know how deep his talons were in my head until it was too late.”

you really like traumatizing all your characters, don't you?

I really fucking hope the ogre got what he deserved

and if the angel is dead then fuck everyone

“I mean, there was that time when Sebastian Morgenstern turned my father into the endarkened, and then he went around killing people. So, I would say he was more like a zombie,” the man was explaining now. “The zombie father tried to kill me but my brother killed him first.”

“Good lord!” Jackson said in shock.

Kit chuckled softly. “Boy do shadowhunters need therapy.”

they really do

He knew about those from New York. He knew Mr Herondale and Miss Fairchild went for one together.

YES GET THEM THERAPY

“Yikes,” Kit chuckled. “I’d prefer something classier. How about London Boys?”

“None of us are from London though,” Tiberius pointed out.

“The Beatles are not actually beetles, Ty,” Kit chuckled. “It’s just for pizazz.”

damn guys

Then the idea of a band turned into a possible YouTube channel where they would react to cute animal videos.

YS DO IT

“When people do awful things, really awful things, at one point we stop being surprised. Like what Valentine did to his children or what our fathers did to us or what those women did to Rafael. We might have been shocked or disgusted. But it wasn’t unrealistic, was it?”

“I guess not,” the boy said.

“Even when they did the most unimaginable acts of cruelty, it somehow managed to fit into our imagination. We accepted that the world can be unrealistically cruel. The kind of cruelty we will never understand. But why isn’t it the same for kindness? Why is that when someone is too kind, we automatically feel uncomfortable? We judge their intensions or think they are just pretending to be nice. We think they are being unrealistic. Why is that?”

we get so used to cruelty that kindness feels weird

“But that’s how our life works, doesn’t it? It’s a giant ball of what ifs and could have beens and if nots. What if my father had loved me instead of hurt me? Could I have been kinder if I was hugged instead of being abused? Would have I been a different person if not for my trauma? Our lives are an endless collection of theories about our real selves. The one didn’t we never had the chance to become.”

THIS

I used to spend a bunch of time on the what-ifs but those are useless. so screw the what-ifs and live in the present

“I guess we’ll never know, Jackson. None of us will never know how we would have turned out if things had been different for us. We never got the chance to be who were meant to be. Instead, we became who we had to become to survive what we went through. We will never know our true selves. We only know the version of us that made it through all the trauma.”

“Christ, that’s depressing,” Jackson said.

“It is,” David nodded. “But we made it through. We survived. I think we should focus on that.”

you survived. that's what matters

“There is nothing wrong with wanting to be rescued,” David smiled.

I wish I had heard this before...

maybe I don't always have to be strong. maybe it's ok sometimes just want to be saved.

I'm so happy that both Jackson and David found each other

David had learned Gaelic. Jackson had learned how to play the piano.

They had laughed and lived and loved and learned.

And they had survived – one day at a time. The London Boys.

they survived.

I know I'm always key smashing and screaming but these words, these lines, all these chapters mean so so much to me.

“You’ll write to me, won’t you?” David asked, hugging Jackson closely.

“No,” Jackson replied. “I will FaceTime you like a normal person, you weirdo!”

David laughed at that. “I prefer letters. They are more emotional.”

“I’ll text you,” Jackson countered. “With emojis.”

oh to have someone write me letters.

I love writing letters

once at the end of a school year, I wrote little letters to everyone in my class anonymously. even the people who had been mean to me. that was like 1-2 years after my transfer to that school and everyone practically hated me but I wanted to do something nice because who knows what someone is going through. I ended up not putting them in people's desks...

I threw them all away :)

but writing letters is superior

I often write my feelings down and give the letter to someone rather than talk to someone

if you receive a letter from me or a custom-made gift...you have reached my ultimate friendship

oh my god. THIS IS HOW I SHOULD TALK TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS ABOUT MY FEELINGS

It's kind of been a mess between us and I want to talk to her but I didn't know how to.

this is why i shouldn't send asks-

JACKSON CATCHING UP ON MAX AND DAVID

“You know what it means,” Jackson grinned harder. “Also, if that wanker tries to break your heart, I will break his face.”

“You know he is the Consul’s son?” David giggled.

“I’ve done it once and I will do it again,” Jackson shrugged. “He better treat you right.”

"wanker"

I HAVE A BRITISH ONLINE FRIEND AND THEY CALLED OUR AMERICAN ONLINE FRIEND A WANKER

AND OUR OTHER BRITISH FRIEND JOINED IN

WHILE ALL THE NON-BRITISH PEOPLE WERE LIKE "huh"

Lexi had cut her hair even shorter. Her girlfriend apparently got something called an undercut.

“Just in case someone dared to assume we were straight,” she had winked at him.

how many years has this fake dating been going on...

CENTURION SELENA

fterA the twins went to bed, David stepped out of the institute and went looking for his heart.

"went looking for his heart"

OH FUCK I FORGOT TO JOIN MY CLASS

MAX STOP DEPLETING YOUR SELF GODDAMN

And then somewhere along the way, Max’s heartbeat had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.

Max, with all his chaos and drama and danger, had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.

oh my god that's a parallel from canon

“Tell me why.”

“Ain't nothing but a heart break!!"

Max-

Max could make fireballs that killed demons on the spot. He could summon things from anywhere. He could heal people with his eyes closed. He was one of the youngest warlocks allowed to visit the spiral labyrinth.

Max was a warlock in every sense. A good one. A great one even.

he is so talented...

Only idiots would underestimate Magnus Bane’s power.

EXACTLY

He is probably going to be Consul like next week.”

David chuckled. “Next week?”

next week????

“Yeah, his smoking habits,” Max rolled his eyes.

Rafael wasn’t the smoker in the family. He knew who it was, but David would never open his mouth. It wasn’t his secret to tell.

this keeps on getting better

“It’s my hair!” David laughed.

“And you’re my David!” Max argued. “I say you are not allowed to grow your hair.”

MY DAVID

MY DAVID

MY DAVID

“I don’t want to downworld-splain it to you.”

Max blinked and then laughed. “You don’t want to what?”

“Downworld-splain,” David mumbled. “It’s when shadowhunters explain downworlders how to be downworlders.”

they were SO close to kissing

I'm gonna get in there and lock them in a closet together and tell them to FUCKING GET WITH IT

Remember who you are. Remember where you stand.

remember who you are. remember where you stand...

I know this is supposed to be about portals.

OH MY GOD THEY KISSED

THEY KISSED

IM SO CLOSE TO SCREAMING CLASS AND EVERYONE OUTSIDE THIS ROOM BE DAMNED

OH MY GOD DAVID FELL

reminds me of when alec fell down the stairs-

OH MY GOD I'M GONNA SCREAM

WE'RE GONNA GET MORE MAVID CONTENT SOON I'M SCREAMING INTERNALLY UYDRVFY7VSDU7UYVFSDUYGCADUYIGJCDSHJKGDVCSUGISDVHVF

ok, I have a computer assignment to get to and tests to study for. BUT I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO MUCH!! THEY FINALLY KISSED I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!

Also I know I tend to go off track and you can totally ignore that. i just go crazy. BYEE

This live blog gives me so much life you don't even know. I am go glad you enjoyed the chapter. I love hearing you rant about it. It's refreshing lol.

And I looooooove the lil anecdotes you share in between. Also wtf is a programming class like nobody wants to learn programme what kind of hetero nonsense I-

FINISH YOUR ASSIGNMENTS AND STUDY FOR YOUR TESTS I'LL SEE YOU SOON :)

I am Confusion

There are only two things that anyone really needs to know going into this. I'm white and I'm Christian. If we wanted to be specific, I'm exactly half Dutch, and the remaining stuff is a fun concoction of various other European countries, most of which is German. My father, apparently, didn't have it in him to continue the pure Dutch lineage (and neither did either of his brothers). In terms of my faith, I have been a devout Lutheran since I was a child. That is not to say that I haven't been exposed to different denominations. My parents divorced when I was young, which just about killed my Baby Boomer Grandparents. My dad was raised Baptist or Methodist, I can't quite remember, and after separating from my mother, gravitated towards a non-denominational setting. My mom, on the other hand, comes from a strong line of proud Lutherans.

When my parents were still together, we went to my grandmother's church. Zion was huge. Members numbered in the high thousands, the sanctuary had three isles, and they had four separate services throughout the weekend to accommodate everyone. When I was little, this did not bother me. My grandparents were highly respected, integral members, and, by extension, so was I. I was there every day of the week, if not for church on Sundays, then for kindergarten, or my sibling's basketball games, or my soccer games (with orange slices and everything), or I was visiting the graves of my older brother and my cousin, or it was summer and I was participating in the extravaganza that was VBS. All of this to say, church from the ages of 0 to 5 or 6, was quite literally my second home. That is until my parents divorced and it was forced to become my third.

From the ages of 5 to 10, I experienced some serious religious growing pains. Not only did I have to adjust to only seeing my dad on weekends, but now I had two different churches, with parents that took two different approaches to the faith. As I said above, my dad was only Lutheran for my mom's sake. He's not a particular dude, so this wasn't really a big deal for him. So when he married my step-mom, they found a church that better suited their combined beliefs. Well, okay, they searched for a church that better suited them. We cycled through a lot over the course of my childhood. Ultimately though, they settled for a non-denominational church that was drastically different from the hymnal/creed/sermon formula I was used to.

My mom, on the other hand, stayed true to Lutheranism. We moved to be closer to her job, which meant finding another church to call home. I grew up in St. Louis, which fortunately meant that I could throw a rock in any direction and it would probably hit some sort of Lutheran church. We settled at one for a number of years before we all collectively decided it was no longer the right fit for us. (I'll be honest, at 9 years old, I was partially motivated to "find a new church" by the fact that everything about it was boring. Leaving one could mean that I didn't have to go for a couple of weeks). Our decision to leave led us to Epiphany.

Epiphany, for lack of better phrasing, was a God-send for me. I was a shy kid, I am a shy person. I do not approach people of my own volition. But the kids at Epiphany did not have this issue. In the words of my younger brother, "they didn't act like they didn't know us." They immideatly welcomed us into their little group, and we quickly became the tightest knit circle of friends I've ever had. I was quickly enrolled in the three-year confirmation class held on Wednesday afternoons, and was effortlessly folded into the spirit of the community. I have never clicked anywhere as well as I did with the people of Epiphany, and I will forever be thankful to God for the family He gave me with them.

When I became part of that community, church became something more. I started listening to my Pastor's sermons because he wasn't some stranger, he was one of my best friend's dad. My input in bible studies became valuable, my opinion valued. I wanted learn and to understand.

Long story short, church has always been a huge part of my life, and it is the source of some of my greatest comforts in life as well as my biggest struggles.

Here's the thing, I also grew up in a single school district, one that was extremely liberal. So, in direct contrast too my religious background, at school I was taught to be an ally to the LGBTQ+ community, to stand against injustice, and fight for equality. To summarize my political views, let me just say that I have been heavily involved in musical theatre since 6th grade. And I'm on Tumblr.

I stand by these political beliefs and my religious ones. I'm a proud Democrat and a proud Lutheran (or as I like to call it Diet Catholic). But then I read the Bible, and I have no fucking clue how to make sense of anything.

What seems like common sense to me, is expressly forbidden. For so long, I told myself that it was not my place. I am unable to condem someone because I am a sinner myself. I am no better than any other person around me. I am not inherently righteous just because I happened to be raised in the faith. None of us are. A person's sin is between them and God, and an outside party (maybe with the exception of a Pastor) has no place to throw in their two cents. And this works great, until Jezebel has to swoop in at the last minute and has to fuck everything up with her sexual immorality. All of the sudden, I must repent for simply "tolorating" it.

Any discussion of homosexuality in a church setting makes me extremely uncomfortable because I am so afriad that I'm going to say something that has me thrown from the premiseses. Because God forbid I say that LGBTQ people are valid in the eyes of Jesus. I have also found that this is one thing I refuse to bend on. I know that, if it comes down to it, I will choose basic human decency over identifying as Christian.

I am not a confrontational person. I am not an activist, but every day I wish that I was. To quote John Mulaney, " I need everyone to like me so much." Which, unfortunately, means that I probably won't ever build the courage to actually say stuff that matters. It will always be one of my biggest regrets that I am not as outspoken as I should be.

Well this turned out to be much more of a rambling mess then I intended it to be, but I have an assignment to finish and I really don't feel like editing.

Thanks for sticking around,

Wez

Only Human

Chapter 10: Downtime

Authors note: Apologies for the long delay. Schoolwork has been burying us and stress from Covid-19 has been at an all time high.

Within three days, Marcus’s mood had significantly improved. With two new allies by his side, he felt markedly more secure in his surroundings, although he still occasionally looked above him from time to time out of instinct. 

He was in the back of Spyper’s van with Ari and Cally, quietly playing a game of Uno amongst themselves. 

Looking up at Intelligent, he said, "Yo, big guy. You look like you wanna ask us something." 

“I do, actually,” Intelligent said, setting aside his book. “You three seem really close. How long have you known each other for?” 

"Six years and 348 days," Cally answered, setting down her cards. 

"Technically, longer," Marcus added, "But we officially met during the summer." 

6 Years and 348 Days Ago… 

The rec center was alive with activity during the summer. It made sense that three random 10 year olds would be here. Marcus, Cally, and Ari were all there, going about their business. Marcus was busy taking boxing classes, Ari was attending choir lessons, and Cally intently watched a lecture on computer programming. 

The classes all ended early that day, leaving the three kids not knowing where to go. So they all ended up in an empty tennis court, sitting and waiting for their parents. 

To kill time, Ari fatefully began chatting with Marcus.

“Hi. My name’s Ari,” He greeted, waving to Marcus. “What’s your name?”

“Marcus. Aren’t you that short kid who sits in the front of the class?” 

“Yeah, that’s me. You’re the kid who’s taking boxing lessons, right?” 

“The one with anger problems,” Cally chimed in from the corner, reading a book. “Yeah, that’s him.” 

Marcus threw a candy wrapper at her. 

“Hey, be nice!” Ari frowned at Cally.

“It’s true, isn’t it? No point saying anything that isn’t true for the sake of one’s feelings.” 

“You sound really mean.” 

"I heard that once you get smart enough you stop having emotions," Marcus shrugged. 

"That's a lie," Cally hissed. "I just don't see the value in being dishonest." 

Marcus rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and the fact that I called you a loser that one time has nothing to do with it." 

"I just refuted your theory on my lack of emotions. I can hold a grudge." 

“How do you even know he has anger issues? Because he boxes?” Ari asked. 

"My mom is the school secretary. She has me do a lot of the paperwork so she can go out. Some of that paperwork got Marcus to see the school therapist." 

“Why does the secretary have a 10 year old doing her work? Isn’t that against the rules or something?”

"Not if the principal doesn't find out." 

“So you’re being mean to Marcus even though you’re the one breaking the rules?” 

“Look. Ari, right? If the people who fed and sheltered you and could kick you out if they felt so inclined and barely gave a crap about you told you to do something, would you do it?” 

“Isn’t it against the law to kick a kid out of the house?” 

“Probably. Wouldn’t stop my parents.” 

“You sound like you have issues. Maybe you should see the school therapist.” 

“I don’t want to get landed in foster care. Too much of a risk to my psyche.” 

“And being treated like sh_t by your parents isn’t?” Marcus asked. 

Ari and Cally stared at Marcus. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?” Cally asked. 

“Yes, actually.” 

Ari whined. “Isn’t cussing bad?” 

“Eh. Some people don’t like it, and my parents don’t let me swear when we’re in restaurants and things like that.” 

“Wouldn’t the community rec center count as a place you shouldn’t swear?” Cally asked dryly. 

“I guess, but there aren’t any adults around.” 

Cally deadpanned. Ari pouted. 

Leaning back, the intelligent kid pulled out some gum. “Want some?” 

“What flavor is it?” 

“Spearmint.” 

“Eh, sure.” 

“I love mint!” Ari beamed. 

“Not my favorite, but I’ll take it over 5gum,” Marcus added. 

“Ugh. 5gum.” 

“What’s wrong with 5gum?” Ari inquired, popping a piece of gum into their mouth.

“Tastes like trash,” Marcus groused. 

“It’s an insult to gum.” Cally sat. “The least horrible flavor is mint.” 

“And even then, this spearmint gum beats it by a mile,” Marcus added. “I don’t see how anyone can enjoy 5gum. It’s like eating plastic.”

“Better than nothing.” 

“I’ve never had 5gum before, but I’ll take you on your word,” Ari said. 

Present 

“So, yeah. That was fun.” 

“So you three started out arguing with each other, and now you three are basically inseparable,” Intelligent remarked, leaning back in his seat. “A lot must have happened in those six years.” 

“Yeah. For one thing, we became study partners. I had to tie Cally to a chair to keep her from doing all the work for us.” 

“I was not that bad, Marcus.” 

Ari winced. “Well...” 

3 Years Ago… 

“Cally, this is a GROUP project! That means we ALL have to work on this!” Marcus shouted, taking the papers away from Cally. 

“You guys did a lot of the research. And you know I’m a better writer than you,” Cally reasoned, reaching for the papers again. 

“Yeah, right! You were the one hogging all the research, and you’re the one who’s been doing all the writing so far! I know you’re a good writer, but you can’t just hog the entire project!” Marcus protested, holding the papers out of Cally’s reach. “Just about the only thing you haven’t tried to do yourself are the visual aids!”

"Ari can do those." 

“Exactly! That’s the only thing Ari’s been able to do with you hogging everything else!” 

“I just want us to get a good grade!” 

“And we will get a good grade! But ya gotta let us help, too!” 

Cally sighed, sitting back down. “Alright, alright.” 

“Thank you. Now let's get on with this,” Marcus said, dividing the papers equally between himself, Cally, and Ari.

Present 

"Okay, maybe I was a little too overbearing. But my grade was on the line!" 

“Cally, calm down. We got a perfect A on that assignment,” Marcus assured. 

“I know,” Cally granted. “And then you almost got suspended three months later.” 

Marcus scowled and grumbled to himself, folding his arms at the memory. 

“I still think punching that guy in the face was overkill,” whined Ari. 

“It was not!” Marcus protested.

Cally raised an eyebrow. 

2 Years and 9 Months Ago… 

“Violence was unnecessary,” Cally pointed out as she wrapped up Marcus’s hand. 

“Then that kid shouldn’t have ran off with my notebook!” Marcus snapped, wincing as Cally tightened the bandages around his hand. 

“You could have taken it back. Most everyone is scared of you anyway, given how your fight with Albert ended.” 

“That kid wouldn’t give me it back, even after I asked!” 

“And you decided to punch him in the face instead of just snatching it,” Cally added. 

“Both of those are mean,” complained Ari. 

“It was MY notebook!” 

“Still,” Cally frowned. “Your temper could get you hurt.” 

Marcus grumbled something, hissing as Cally started patching up another scratch. 

“Please stop moving.” 

“But it hurts!” 

“And?” Cally deadpanned. 

“Cally,” Ari pouted. 

“I know. Sorry, Marcus. I’m just worried, you know? I don’t want your temper getting you hurt one day.” 

“I know, I know. But I’ve got it covered, alright? I’ll be fine. I can handle it,” Marcus assured. He grunted and rolled his shoulders once Cally was done bandaging his wounds. “F_ck, I’m gonna be sore in the morning…” 

“Yeah, you are,” Cally sighed. “And try not to swear in front of Ari. You know he hates it.” 

“Sorry Ar, force of habit,” Marcus apologized. 

Ari hugged Marcus. “It’s okay.” 

Present

“And now here we are. Honestly, I wish all our problems were that I was a control freak over grades and Marcus punched people out.” 

Marcus nodded. “Preach.” 

“But they aren’t. Superbeings want to rip our guts out because we apparently can stop a world-ending event,” Cally sighed. 

Marcus folded his arms and thought for a moment. “What are we even supposed to do to stop it, anyways? Is there a superweapon we have to stop? Do we have to go to space and bring down a spaceship or something?” 

“I dunno.” 

“Hmmm...Hey, big guy! Do you know?”

“Sorry, I have no idea what the others are planning. Me and Spyper have barely heard anything about this whole situation,” Intelligent sighed.

“Well, what have you heard?” Ari asked earnestly.

Intelligent paused for a moment and closed his book. “I don’t know if it’ll help much, but I have heard that the Freaks found something they could use to turn everyone on the planet into Freaks. What that thing is, where it’s being kept, or if it can be destroyed, I don’t know.” 

"Sh@t. Anyone you know who may know something?" 

Spyper glanced to the back of his van. “We do know someone who may know. She works for HECU.” 

"I count four who fit that description," Cally said, eyes taking on a pink tint. 

Spyper paused. “Is Rudra included in that count?” 

"Yes. So is the scientist everyone is scared of for some reason." 

“Oh. Yeah, that would be Anita.” 

"What's her deal?" 

Ari shifted. “Is she evil?” 

“Well...I wouldn’t say she’s evil, but she is crazy,” Spyper shrugged. 

“How crazy?” 

“She builds weapons of mass destruction for fun.” 

“And wants to dissect us for ‘science.’” 

“Hmm… don’t like that,” Marcus winced. 

“Don’t worry, she’s not as evil as Brutal and his pals.” 

“That’s good,” Ari nodded. 

“But enough about that. We need information. And to get to safety. Spyper?” Intelligent turned to his buddy, who grinned and started his van.

~Heroes Day~

Au: Kaishi

Part: Fourteen

Theme: Fluff

“Did you see this, Kai?” You asked as your eye scanned the paper that Kaishi brought home from school earlier today. He raised an eyebrow and opened his hand for you to give him the paper. Just as you assumed, he made a face of visible disgust and started to crinkle the paper up before throwing it in the trash. “Kai, you can’t just do that! It’s his homework, and it’s worth a pretty big percent of his grade. In fact, this could make or break him. You know how his grades have been dropping a bit from his math lessons. You husband glared at the paper in the trashcan  and crossed his arms. “I don’t care. Just because I’m on the right path of life right now, doesn’t mean I like heroes suddenly. I still feel the same about them. No son of mine is going to tie into the hero propaganda just for a grade. Sickening. I need a shower.” He then trudged off towards the bedroom for the rest of the night. You sighed and shook your head. “Old habit die hard I suppose.” You shrugged and headed to Kaishi’s bedroom. Once inside, you interrupted his playtime (or as he calls it, building a lego hospital), and sat with him on the plush carpet. “What did daddy say?” He looked up at you with hopeful eyes. “He said no, of course. We still need to do it anyway, so pick someone that’s like a hero to you and we can begin.” Kaishi nodded and grabbed his papers. 

You went to sit with him on his bed and watched him gather his papers he collected for the project. “Who is your hero?” You asked him curiosuly. He thought about it for a second before opening his mouth up. “I don’t really know. I think a lot of the other kids will choose All Might. Some of them will pick Endeavor. I know Ishida will pick Hawks. I don’t really like any of those people.” He explained to you. You nodded and rubbed his head gently. “Well the paper said you didn’t have to pick someone that was an actual hero. You can just pick people that are like heroes to you. Who is someone that is like a hero to you? Pops? Uncle Chrono? Me? Cousin Eri? Who?” You questioned him gently. He took a little time to think before smiling widely. Meanwhile, Kai had long since finished his quick shower and was going to check up on you two when he heard your chatting and stopped outside of the door. When he heard you carrying through with the project against his wishes, he almost went in there and grounded both you AND your son. Then he paused once he heard the answer Kaishi had just given you. 

“My hero is daddy!” You smiled widely at him and ruffled his hair. “Oh yeah? Tell me why so I can write it down for you and we can have your summarize it later.” You grabbed a pen and listened to him explain. “My hero is daddy because of how cool and strong he is. He can control his quirk really well, and he rules the yakuza like a king. One day I will be the new ruler. I will dress and act just like daddy, except I won’t be grumpy sometimes. I will let all the workers have free puppies too. Even uncle Rappa can have one! Oh! And I’ll be old enough to drive, so we will have all our meetings at the fair because I never got to go there before. Oh, and Pops can have all the food he wants! I don’t care what the doctor says about his blood pressure stuff. And you can have a bunch of money and jewelry mommy/dad. I promise this!” Kaishi rambled on and on, while you scribbled everything down and laughed. “Wow, I think you’ll make a great leader little mister.” You put the pen down and went to tickle him. Kai stood outside the doorway a minute longer as he clutched his hand to his chest and smiled at the warm feeling erupting. His son didn’t value those twisted heroes...

Kaishi valued him. 

He valued the yakuza over hero society. Kai couldn’t be anymore proud as he laid down and waited for you to come to bed. Once you had tucked Kaishi in and finished helping him with the assignment, you settled down for bed. Kai turned t face you and smiled gently. “Angel I apologize for my reactions earlier. I can see that his grade is very important. I will support him despite my personal views.” You smiled and kissed him gently. “It’s good you’re saying that because we went ahead and got the assignment done anyway. Besides, you’ll be pleased to know who his hero is.” You flicked Kai’s nose and rolled over to get some sleep. The next day, Kaishi came home from school with a perfect grade on the assignment, and a note from the teacher about how well it was done. He had also successfully risen his grade in class and could progress in school to the next grade level. “Good job baby! We’re so proud of you!” You hugged him tightly as Kai stood to the side and smirked. Once you finally let go, Kaishi turned to look at his father expectantly. Kai knelled and poked his son’s nose gently.”Good job brat.” Then he reached in his pocket and handed Kaishi something the boy would value for the rest of his life. 

His very own plain black medical mask. 

One step closer to being just like his hero

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

TIp Jar: https://cash.app/$YuTakeyama

Best of the Best | Part 1

Genre: Smut and Angst

Word Count: 4k

Summary: You promised yourself you’d never fall for another clingy, needy boy who demanded you gave him all your love, only to leave you after he has sucked you dry. Yet here you were, making that same mistake again. Alternatively: It wasn’t easy being perfect. Sometimes, Taeyong needed someone else to take control. Sometimes, he needed to be broken down completely in order to be put back together again, better and stronger. 

A/N: I tried to get as close as I can to ty’s actual personality in this one. This is largely inspired by his verse in Whiplash and some tidbits about his life that I learned from @nctforuandme she’s honestly single-handedly responsible for reigniting my obsession with ty so thank you a lot babe

Warnings: femdom, sub!taeyong, dom!reader, student/professor relationship, age-gap, dry humping, thigh riding, degradation, sexist remarks, breath play, semi-public sex, cheating, Miss kink (?), pwb professors with benefits, usage of the painfully cliche trope of “but you can’t fall in love with me”

“What is this?” You hear someone bark out. At first, you don’t think the wrathful inquiry is directed at you. After all, who would dare speak to you this way? But when you hear the same voice shout out again, much closer this time, you look up to find that the person, that poor fucker, was in fact talking to you. “Are you deaf? I asked you a question.” The students, who were just starting to file out of the room at the end of your lecture, freeze in their tracks and look over, varying degrees of shock and trepidation displayed on their faces. One of them, a tall bespectacled boy who you know you guess is a friend of the boy with the suicidal wish, Lee Taeyong, bravely steps forward to try and pull him back, muttering quietly to him, “Let’s go, man. It’s not worth it.” But the silver haired boy shakes him off, never taking his hateful gaze off of you. “No, this is bullshit. This paper is worth twenty-five percent of our final score and she gave me a D. A fucking D! This is gonna mess up my whole grade.” Gasps echo around the room as more students come into the room instead of getting out in order to watch the scene unfold. The boy’s friend pales and urgently whispers to him, “Dude, the man-eater is gonna have your balls for this. Apologize and let’s—“ You’ve heard enough.

“Everyone, get the hell out of my lecture room.” Your voice booms out, making students jump in fear and slip out hurriedly. When you see some still hesitate to leave, their curiosity getting the best of them, you threaten, “I’m going to count to five, and if I see anyone else in here after I’m done besides Mr. Lee, they can expect a zero on their next exam.” At that, everyone quickly rushes out. Even Lee’s friend backs away, his hands raised in the air as if to say he has nothing to do with his friends stupidity, and then he leaves too. When the room is empty sans you and Lee, you speak again. “What seems to be the problem, Mr. Lee?” “I want you to change my grade to an A.” He demands as if it was his right to get the grade he wanted, looking every bit the spoiled brat whose daddy always gave him everything he’s ever asked for. It wasn’t a look becoming of a young man studying at a prestigious university such as this, and the look you give him in response speaks volumes of how little you appreciated that.   “You don’t deserve an A. Your work wasn’t up to par.” You say dismissively. Your response seems to make him light up with pure fury. “Bullshit! I worked my ass off on this paper. I’ve been getting straight A’s eve since I set foot in this damn college. I’m not going to have my perfect score ruined by you.” “Well, you should’ve thought of that earlier. Maybe then you would’ve given me something better than the dismal excuse for a paper that you handed in. You’re lucky I even let you pass. Don’t make me rethink my decision.” You threaten him, hoping to dissuade him from his silly tantrum. Despite your reputation for being a merciless “man-eater”, you really didn’t derive any joy from making the lives of your students miserable, whether they were male or female. You cared about your students. You took pride in your work. That’s the whole reason you were so strict in the first place. You wanted to have a positive impact on their lives. You worked your ass off so that years from now, one of these students might look back on their college years and think ‘Man, I really learned something of value from Miss ___.’ That used to be the case anyway. Now, having endured years of indifferent students and spiteful colleagues, you’ve all but lost your passion for what used to be your dream job. But even so, you still cared about your students and you were still willing to let Lee’s little tantrum go if he backs down and apologizes, despite him having so brazenly disrespected you in front of the entire class.  But it seems he’s not too smart, that one. “I gave you my best work. I always give my best work! That’s why every other professor before you has given me straight A’s.” “Hmm, is that why? Funny. And here I thought all the others were just kissing your ass because your father is a major investor in this university and they’re just trying to save their own cowardly asses. Sorry, sweetheart, I’m just so dumb sometimes.” You smack your forehead with your palm, pretending to extrude the stupidity out. “Don’t you dare—“ He seethes, looking absolutely murderous, and you swear you can actually hear his teeth grinding together. “I got this far through my hard work and my hard work alone. I will not let you take that away from me.” “Let’s see that hard work in your next assignment then.” You try to end it there, feeling weary already, but still wanting to give him a second chance that he didn’t deserve to tuck his tail between his legs and run. Turning your back to him, you grab your folder off the desk, looking to gather your things and leave, but he promptly rips it from your hands and throws it to the side, your carefully collected and sorted papers flying out and scattering all over the floor. You don’t have any time to react as he backs you into the desk and looms over you with equal parts anger and desperation. “Look, just tell me what you want and you’ll have it. You want a Rolex? How about a nice Louis Vuitton bag, huh? Say what you want and it’s yours. Just… please, I need that A.” His sudden change in demeanor from lethal to excessively desperate was concerning and a little bit unsettling. Why did he need that A so bad? It’s not like it’s going to affect his overall score that much. He won’t get a perfect GPA but it wouldn’t be too far off. “Mr. Lee, look at me.” You sigh in exasperation and gesture towards your generic, economic outfit of a simple white blouse and a black skirt. “Don’t you think a watch or a bag that cost more than my entire wardrobe would look silly on me?” “I could buy you a whole new wardrobe then, to fit your new accessories. Is that what you want?” He hurries to say, a knowing glint in his eyes as if he’s onto you. “Are you even listening? What I want is for you to leave me alone.” You take a step to the side, trying to get out from under him but he slams his hands down on either side of you, trapping you against the desk. “So the rumors about you are true, huh? You really are a bitter bitch who takes pleasure in making the lives of her male students miserable in order to make up for her own sad and loveless life.” He snarls, looking down his nose at you. “You know, maybe if you weren’t such a frigid bitch, a man would actually want to touch your shriveled up pussy. Give me that A and I’ll give you that dicking I know you’re dying for, baby.” “Oh, but Mr. Lee…” You gasp, looking up at him demurely, lulling him into a false sense of security as you lightly trail a hand up his chest towards his neck. “I don’t fuck little whores.”   You circle your fingers around his neck and press down, cutting off the gasp that tried to fight its way out of his throat. As you lightly choke him, you monitor his reaction closely, ready to pull back at any sign of distress. But just like you had predicted, he stays rooted to the spot, looking at you like an animal caught in a trap, his eyes jumping around in alarm as he tries to catch his breath and make sense of what is happening. Smirking, you press down harder on his throat, slimming his breathing down to a wheeze. “What makes you think that you would even be allowed to put your dirty, little cock anywhere near my pussy? You’re just a stuck-up, spoiled little brat who needs to be reminded how to properly talk to his superiors. Do you know what you should be calling me, boy, or are you too dumb to even remember?” “Yes,” He grits out, getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen to his brain. He was glaring bloody murder at you but he never once attempts to pull back. You knew he wouldn’t. You had always been an excellent judge of character, a skill that’s came in handy quite often in your profession, and you knew just what this boy so desperately needed. “Yes, what, little slut?” “Yes, Miss.” He wheezes out and bucks his hips against you, making you snap at him and press down harder on his windpipe, blocking his airflow entirely. “Did I say you could do that? How are you going to ‘give me that dicking I’m dying for’ when just having my hand on your throat is making you hump me like a horny virgin?”     All at once, you take the pressure off his neck and he folds over, molding his body to yours as he sucks in deep, gasping breaths. Grabbing his jaw, you press your face close to his. “Look at you, so wrecked already. Are you that easy? I didn’t even need to touch your little dick. I bet you would cum if I so much as lay a finger on you, wouldn’t you?”   When he doesn’t reply, you clench your hand down on his jaw, your fingers digging into his cheeks, and ask again, “Wouldn’t you?” “Yes, Miss.”  “Would you like that?” “Yes, please, Miss.” “No.” You deadpan, “You don’t deserve it.” He slumps, looking positively crestfallen, but doesn’t protest. You’re quiet for a moment, your face a mask of cold disinterest as you stare him down, watching as he slowly unravels under the weight of your unimpressed gaze. He was trying so hard to hold onto his pride even as his eyes start to tear up and his hips move ever so slightly against you, timidly pleading you to give him something, anything. "You really want that A, huh?” Your face breaks out into a triumphant grin, “OK, I’ll give it to you.” Caught up in your game, he had forgotten what this was about in the first place, and so he starts, thrown off by the sudden reminder. “That’s what you wanted, right?” You taunt, smirking as you watch him gape and fumble. “Yes, b-but—“ “B-b-b-but,” You mock, laughing, and the boy’s face flushes crimson. He bites his lip and averts his eyes in embarrassment. You smile at him knowingly, stating state what you knew he wished to say, “But now you’re all wound up now and you want to cum too, don’t you, greedy little slut?” “I'll tell you what? I'll give you that A you’re whoring yourself out for, and I’ll not force you walk out of here with blue balls and a stiff cock. How does that sound?” The boy gives you what might possibly be the most innocent look you’ve ever seen on his face, or anyone’s face for that matter. He was wide eyed and slack jawed, fear and hope flitting over his face in alternating ripples as he tries to make out what your angle here was. You half-expect to see little restless ears sprout up from the top of his head for how much he resembled a frightened little kitty right now. He looked so unlike his normally cold and severe self. Right in front of your eyes, he seems to transform into someone else entirely; his white skin turning warm and tan, his demeanor tender and inviting, his sharp features broadening and a full, boxy smile replacing the thin-lipped pout on his face… But as soon as you blink, he’s Lee Taeyong again, and not the boy who broke your heart so many years ago. Pushing him away, he stumbles on unsteady feet as you walk around the desk and sit on the leather chair. You pat your thigh, flushing the intrusive thoughts away and ordering him tightly, “Come here.” He doesn’t protest, just walks up to you in a daze and sits down on your lap, straddling your thigh between his legs and looking at you expectantly. “What I’m offering you here is a chance to get everything you want. If you can get yourself off just by riding my thigh, I’ll give you that A you so desperately want." Taeyong looked positively terrified, his face paling as he tries to figure out if this was a trick or not. Taking pity on him, you cradle his face in your hands and gently ask, “Can you do that for me, Mr. Lee? Can you show me what a good, hard working boy you are?” He nods fervently, eager to believe you, his hands going to his pants to unbutton them, but you brush them away. "No. Keep them on. I want to see you make a mess for me." Sucking in a breath, he whispers harshly, “Yes, Miss.” When he starts moving on top of you, it’s a little uncomfortable. He is somehow both heavy and bony, but you don’t dwell on it for long, not when he almost immediately picks up his pace, grinding against you earnestly as if he just suddenly realized how badly he needed to get off.  You watch his frantic movements in amusement, remarking, “You know, if we had enough time, I would never have let you off this easily. I would’ve edged you on for so long that you’d cum on command.” He shivers at your words, his hips grinding down harder against your thighs as delicious little moans fall freely from his mouth. You support his head in your palm as it lolls to the side, “Then I’d make you cum again and again. I would make you cum so many times that by the end of the night you'll be crying and begging me to hurt you even more." “Yeah, yeah,” He moans encouragingly, clutching onto you and swiveling his hips around in circles, his cock driving into the flesh of your thigh hard. "Be quiet kitten or someone will hear your mewls." You laugh, slipping a hand under his shirt to softly caress his stomach. He was shuddering like a leaf above you, barely able to control his movements, and he doesn't calm down. He only gets louder. "Damn, you’re a loud little slut." You push the fingers of the hand that had been cradling his face into his mouth, muffling his moans, and he immediately goes to work licking and sucking on your fingers like a lollipop.  "I knew I was right about you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew that you were just begging for someone to strip you off of your abrasive and entitled attitude and whip you back into shape. But no one ever did, right? They all saw you acting cold and clawing at anyone who tries to come near, and they assumed you’re a lion trying eat them up. But you’re not a lion. You’re just a frightened little kitty looking for someone worthy enough to tame him.” You confidently, watching as the boy melts under your words, allowing you to gaze upon his true self.  You know it’s hard for him, exposing himself like this, so you try to be gentle with him. “Poor kitty, you must’ve been waiting for so long. I can’t imagine that your pretty little girlfriend ever took charge of you like you crave. I bet she just lets you do whatever you please with her. I bet she never once punished you for being so insolent or fucked you until you cried out for forgiveness. Isn’t that right, little kitty?” Taeyong’s legs clench around your thigh and he pulls his head back, your fingers slip out of his mouth and tracking strings of saliva behind them as he cries out, “I’m so close, Miss. Please, let me cum.” Since all of this must be so overwhelming for him and yet he was still well-behaved enough to ask before cumming without you needing to tell him to, you decide to take it easy on him. “Cum, little kitten, show me what a good boy you can be.” He gives a few last erratic thrusts before his body seizes up and he cries out, finally cumming. You quickly clamp a hand over his mouth to muffle his screams, feeling warmth coat the fabric of your skirt as he shudders above you. When he hunches over you, completely spent, you wraps your arms around him and rub his back soothingly, listening to him gasp for air and feeling his heart beat wildly through his frail rib-cage. "Hush little kitten. It’s OK. You’re OK. I’ve got you.” "Thank you, Miss." His reply is muffled as he buries his face in your shoulder. As his body slowly relaxes and his breathing settles down, you slowly become aware of what exactly you just did... You got yourself sexually involved with a student, a clearly troubled boy who craves affection and support and who probably now thinks you can give him that.  Why do you always go after the broken ones?  Technically, it wasn’t against school policy to hook up with a student but you could still get a lot of grief over this, and that’s just the administrative and interpersonal-relationships  aspects of it… You sigh, pushing the boy up so you can lock eyes with him. "You did well, Mr. Lee. You’ll be getting that A you were promised. You just need to keep what happened between us to yourself. After we leave this room, you have to promise to never talk about this again, not to me, not to anyone. Is that understood?" You hope he would gladly take your offer and leave. After all, he just got the grade he wanted and an orgasm to boot. But when he hesitates to answer you, you know you’re in trouble. “Mr. Lee, do we have a deal?” For another agonizing second, he remains quiet, throwing you into a vicious loop of worrying about all the improbable reasons behind his silence and how you’re going to deal with them and all the possible ways this could end badly for you.  Finally though, he breaks eye contact and answers you with a timid, “Okay.” As you watch him leave the lecture room, his gait funny because of the sticky mess in his pants, you pray to god that the feeling of dread washing over you is completely unjustified and that this wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass later. •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• As always though, your gut feeling was correct. After your little encounter with Mr. Lee, it was like he became obsessed with you. He would openly stare at you during lectures then find any flimsy excuse to talk to you after, leaving his friends to scratch their heads and wonder why the boy who was just about to end you a week ago was now always following you around like a little duckling. It was all getting very suspicious and you found yourself forced to intervene quickly before anyone figured it out. Rounding him up in your office--a concerningly easy feat seeing as the boy was more than happy to be locked up in a room alone with you-- you turn on him, “Mr. Lee, what on earth are you doing?” “I—I am asking you about the assignment.” He gulps, trying not to give himself away and failing miserably. “I don’t understand the part where—“ “Cut the crap, Lee. You understand it perfectly. You’re not very smooth, you know? Now tell me, what is this about?” You demand. You weren’t slick either. You knew what he wanted but you were desperately hoping you were wrong, the sickening sense of déjà vu coursing through your brain so strong, it was nauseating. You couldn’t handle another needy, clingy boy who demands all your love then leaves you when he has run you dry. The boy scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, and stumbles through his words, "Can I... can we...do... it again? What happened last week, I mean. Not exactly the same though! I can make you feel good too I swear I—“ “Didn’t we agree to never talk about that again? You’re talking about it.” “I know but I just can’t stop thinking about it! That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had and you didn’t even touch me. Holy shit, I can’t wait to see what you can do if you actually touch me.” “Then I’m afraid you’ll be waiting for a long time. What I did was wrong and unprofessional and as your professor, I sincerely apologize to you for that. It can’t happen again." “Why?” He whines childishly.  "Because I’m your professor.” You say it like it’s matter-of-fact, because it is. “If the other professors find out I’m sexually involved with a student, they’ll ostracize me. It’s already hard enough with all the malicious rumors running around about me just because I’m a woman who dares to be assertive and not let men walk all over her. If they find out about this, it will just be more proof in their minds that I hate men and I’m taking it out on a poor student.” “They won’t find out. I’ll make sure of it. I'll keep pretending I hate you and no one will ever know. And even if they did, I can shut them up. You said it yourself; my father is the biggest investor in this college and they all want to stay on my good graces. Please, I need this.” “That’s not how it works, Mr. Lee. They’ll only shut up in front of you but they’ll still talk behind your back. Why don’t you just hire a dominatrix or something if you need this so bad?” "I don’t want a fucking dominatrix. I want you." There was that fire in his eyes again, the all-consuming passion to get what he wants at whatever cost that you’re so used to seeing from him. This Taeyong was completely different from your previous lover. He was rage and determination and cold, blue fire; nothing like the warm and soothing orange of the other, softer boy. You knew this Taeyong. You could handle this Taeyong. “I don’t want a strange woman whipping me around and telling me to lick her boots. I want you. You get me! You saw me in a way no one ever did before. I just... I’m so close to losing it. I have to put on this persona every minute of every day but it’s slipping off and I can’t keep it in place anymore. I need to let go for once and let someone else take charge or I’m going to snap. Please, help me.” The problem is that you believed him wholeheartedly; you sympathized with him wholeheartedly. Because beneath his hard exterior, there was a soft, mushy thing inside that frail rib-cage of his that mirrored your own. You couldn’t turn him away when you saw yourself in him. So you agree, under one condition. “You can’t fall in love with me. If you do then it’s over.” Taeyong laughs incredulously, taken aback by the weird condition, and his mood immediately lifts up, clearly not taking what you’re saying seriously. “Look, Miss, I’m just trying to get fucked. Nobody’s falling in love here, at least not me.” That arrogant smirk was back on his face again. He looked so damn confident. So why was your gut feeling telling you that this is all a huge mistake? “Good.” You say, squashing the feeling down and taking in the beautiful, broken boy. •❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅• A/N: AHHHHHH I’m so excited for this series y’all. This was long overdue. Anticipate a lot of angst with this one. It’s gonna be dark but not in a criminal way, more like a slowly soul-crushing way like THERAPY. ahahahha as always I live off feedback and I’m anticipating your wonderful messages 

( sabrina carpenter. nineteen. she/her.  )   everything’s fine, MAYA HART-HUNTER,  you’re in the good place!  do you remember your last days in GIRL MEETS WORLD? but don’t worry, your  ( bay windows, perfectly messy hair, pencil sketches, subway stations, layered necklaces)  will fit perfectly with the rest of the good place, so long as you commit to the  UPBEAT OPTIMIST  despite your tendency to commit to  (a constant need to prove she isn’t broken)  that the architect of the good place said you were. it’ll just be like a fun acting exercise! just play along and everything will continue to be fun.

honestly the only one that’ll fully read this is me but i just rewatched all of gmw so here’s a few of maya’s defining quotes with some info tacked on ! (to sum it up: major daddy issues, minor mommy issues, craves stability, great artist, cares SO MUCH about her friends, deserves better !)

maya penelope hart-hunter, nineteen, crossning

��hi, i’m maya. you’re really cute. we should hang out sometime. you make me happy. you don’t pay enough attention to me. this isn’t working out, it’s you, not me. we can still be friends, not really.” 

maya is introduced as riley’s shawn, as her very best friend in this universe. she’s bold, fierce, rebellious, loud, and everything that riley isn’t. she wears lip gloss, she marches right up to cute boys on the subway, she is the night. she is dark and mysterious. 

“ i was a little girl, and i climbed through an open window because i heard singing. i was attracted to what i saw inside. it was someone safe…”

she and riley meet as small children when she wanders into her open window. her parents are fighting. they never seem to stop fighting. 

she never leaves riley’s side. it becomes a simple understanding that they are an extension of each other, no longer separate entities. her loyalty is a defining quality to her.  

“i do go outside, riley. i watch the light move during the day. and you know what happens at 5:30? you turn gold. everything is more beautiful at the beginning and the end of the day, and i want people to see that. i want to capture that. i didn't mean to believe in something.”

maya is an amazing artist. she can also sing, but she is partial to painting and sketching when she is at home. her favorite teachers are, as expected, her art teachers, and that is always the class she excels in. 

"when i was real young, i used to come to this park and look at this statue and wonder if i would ever have friends as good as these. that would hands with each other and smile. i used to wonder what it was they were so happy about. now i know.”

this just be a cute quote. her friends are the stars in her sky and she really would do anything for them if they need it, sacrificing herself over and over if it meant they could be spared for even a second longer. 

“i’m gonna get an education from him. and i’m gonna earn my own money. and someday i’m gonna have a good place with good walls and a good roof.” “and what are you gonna do for everybody else?” “everybody’s a lot of people. but if i could afford it, i would fix somebody else’s roof.” 

she understands not having a lot. maya has a hole in her wall and a leak in her roof. she takes care of things gifted to her because she knows the value they truly hold. she comprehends that if her mother didn’t work extra shifts, her lights wouldn’t be on and their water wouldn’t flow. she doesn’t take what she has for granted, and it definitely stuck with her as she grew into adulthood.  

“you had everything. family meals around the table. i wanted that. ‘how was your day, maya?’ ‘it was great, dad.’ you had that. you went to bed with a smile on your face every night, while i went to bed wondering if my father was going to be at the breakfast table in the morning. i wanted that.” 

maya has half a mom and her father left, which she blames on her half a mom. of course, she doesn’t realize that it’s because her mother also got left, but shawn helps her see that. this also starts to build up her wishing for shawn to step in as a more permanent part, but hope is still for suckers, ladies and gents! 

“my teacher thinks if i forgive you, it'll bring me peace. and he's usually right about these things, but i don't see how he's right about this one. and i can't. your job was to stay. you don't think i had it in me to allow my father to grow?”

when maya writes to her father for an assignment, she gets the closure she needs to understand that it isn’t her fault he left. of course, it doesn’t fully settle. it never does. and she realizes that she can’t forgive him for leaving yet. daddy issues galore. but she’s not angry anymore and that’s important.

“i could always hear my mother crying in her bedroom. i’d try to go in and stop her from crying… but i couldn’t. so, i’d try to fall asleep next to her… but i couldn’t. ‘mom, would you stop crying if daddy came back?’ ...and she’d look at me and say, ‘we don’t need anyone else, babygirl. all i need is you…” too much responsibility. can’t sleep, riley, been up since i’m four.”

after katy and shawn get engaged, maya is scared. she doesn’t know why they can’t just date forever. she really doesn’t like change. plus! they don’t have the best records! she even tries to come between them, to ask why shawn would be doing such a thing when he knows what the universe does to people like them. 

they get married anyways!!! shawn surprises them with an entire wedding set up on the roof because that’s how he rolls (spontaneous and romantic), and he surprises maya not too long later with adoption papers which is why she’s maya hart-hunter now. 

“my voice is still my voice, riley. you're gonna need to show me a lot more than clothes and hair and a boy before i believe that it isn't.”

when maya starts to get good grades, starts wearing more dresses, starts showing signs of growth as a person, she is told she simply is becoming riley. i personally hate this plot line! but it’s canon so i gotta mention it! i feel like she should’ve been allowed to grow!!!! she should’ve been allowed to have good things happen to her!!!!!!!!!!!!! but whatever!!! 

“i feel like... if you know me at all... and you know the last thing i would ever do is want anything that was riley's.”

triangles are one of maya’s biggest triggers because she was part of one and it really almost tore apart her entire life. liking the same boy as riley consumed the better part of her middle school years and her first year of high school. i don’t think she ever actually stopped liking lucas, but she stepped back again for riley’s sake because, as she says, the last thing she would want is something that belongs to riley. her first boyfriend falls directly under that category. so she filed all of those feelings away to never be touched again because if they were horrible things would happen! 

“boyfriend and girlfriend eventually.”

stepping back from lucas worked out in her favor because it opened the door for josh! who riley could never like because that is indeed her uncle! she went out here and there with a few artsy boys throughout her high school years just so that she could double date with riley, but nothing ever stuck. she didn’t mind. her and josh were also awkwardly always more than just friends but never more than friends, but as she got older, her feelings for him just got stronger, so she buried them and focused on school and art and life and boys are simply just not everything! contrary to popular belief! and what her journal from sophomore year with ‘mr. and mrs. josh and maya matthews’ doodled all over it say! 

then toward the middle of her senior year, she started going to more nyu parties after a messy breakup (not technically a breakup because maya didn’t think they were dating which was the entire issue!) with missy bradford (who hosted the best parties) and that is where she starts running into josh more often. he starts walking her home, they are constantly talking, they’re hanging out, and it’s not that they didn’t do that before during family game nights and family outings and family things or even sometimes just to do it when he was around, but now she sometimes actually on campus because she has friends at nyu, mutual friends of his from parties that invite her to trivia and concerts and events. then, her birthday passes and their age isn’t an excuse anymore. 

when she dies, she is rounding out her freshman year at nyu. she is majoring in art education, is finally dating the guy of her dreams, and has the world in her reach. :( 

exactly how she dies in my app/ last memory: she and josh were driving in the car and she turned the voice off the gps because it interrupts her music for no! good! reason! plus why does he even need the voice? she is sitting right there she can just tell him when to turn. it’s so annoying and her voice is way better and so she is turning it off despite his protests because she wants to get through one song peacefully, it’s not going to kill them to turn off the stupid robot voice- but it definitely does. she gets too lost in her song, forgets to tell him to turn, he takes his eyes off the road because he is sure they have missed one, she can’t believe he doesn’t trust her navigation skills, he points out that she was giving a concert not navigating, she repeats it back in an annoying voice with a face that he laughs at, she restarts the song because he interrupted it, and bam! dead.

🍱2/2 i dislike ppl who shout during arguments and ppl who refuse to listen to others views. i also love pyschology, conspiracies, and having someone who will tease me back. i think that trust and communication is a high priority, but someone who can understand and talk with is just as important.

I need a name babe! Even if it’s a fake name and you send it when you see this on anon (just lmk this was your matchup) it will help for my Masterlist.

Pt 1: hi there cld i get a haikyuu matchup? 🍱 1/2 i'm a straight 5 6' female with dark short curly hair and dark eyes. i love sleep, writing, reading, listening to music, running track, and debating. i'm witty and playful to keep my guard up and observe. i get high grades but know that i cld push myself far more. i'm organised and tend to be a perfectionist and prioritise that over many things. i'm not a huge fan of pda and prefer for affection to be private .

when you described yourself you basically described Kiyoko! You two would definitely be bffs. But nonetheless, your man is sooo happy you are heterosexual because I think he would cry if you weren’t. Who might do something like that, you ask? Well, none other than your match:

————————————-

Asahi Azumane!

you two match on every single level except the fact that Asahi isn’t very teasing

He’s more serious but having close friend like Suga, Daichi and Noya who tease him all the time, he is used to you:

You two met in Psychology 101 in Uni

When you came in all the seats were taken except the one he had his bag on so you just politely asked him if you could sit there

The boy who finally blended in with his adult peers, scrambled to move his bag before even looking up at you when he finally did, though, he’d never seen prettier brown curls or prettier brown eyes

“Wow you’re pretty.” He said while staring as you sat down and removed your books from your bag.

You turned to look at him as did several students around you two and Asahi then realized he had said that aloud.

He looked like he was going to throw up from humiliation so using your witty and playful personality you just nudged him with your elbow and leaned over to whisper, “Thanks. You’re pretty too.”

As to which Asahi felt much better and everyone turned their attention back to the professor

The both of you would work together for psych assignments and it was hard not to develop crushes

He admired your intelligence sooooooo much, he bragged about how smart you are to his friends

he was a straight B+ student and seeing you pull A after A at the university level just made his crush more intense

And your CURLS omg . He could spend hours talking about them with Suga and Daichi

“And today I think Bianca put something new in her hair because her curls were even tighter and she just looked so beautiful—“

“Asahi. Ask. Her. Out.” Muttered Suga and Daichi in unison. That must have been the 17th time he’d mentioned your attractiveness today and they always answered him with the same thing. Forever the annoyed parents.

luckily, the ex-captains pushed him enough to the point where one day he did ask you out and you two really hit it off when you weren’t talking just about school

Your man is tall, dark, and handsome, an absolutely gorgeous specimen

And his dorm room is even more organized than yours, much to your delight (he still has laundry laying around though lol but...minor fix)

He values sleep, writing, reading, listening to music so much too so when the two of you are together you rarely fight over what to do

But.... When you two do have an argument, your bf is literally the kindest even when he’s angry with you. Sometimes you wonder if he is even mad lol. He never NOT EVEN ONCE raises his voice at you and you give him the same courtesy (or you try to)

When you do mess up and yell at him he just gives you a sad & disappointed look and you can’t stop kissing him and hugging him to get him to forgive you

He always does because you’re his life 🥺🥺

Your friends just gush over how much they wish they had a best-of-both-worlds (strong and sensitive) boyfriend like yours.

AND NAP DATES WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND ARE THE BESSSST OMG

He knows you love feeling safe and small wrapped up in his strong arms so on your one year anniversary he literally buys you the most comfortable mattress in the world

The type that makes you feel like you’re sleeping on clouds:

The two of you aren’t the showy couple. You’re intellectual and you both pick eachothers brains with debates

But you’re both also intense athletes so one of the best things you do is challenge eachother to tackle outdoor sports and beautiful hiking trails you can get your hands on

When you’re backpacking up Kamikochi:

You’re in front of him: you almost fall and your life flashes before your eyes

Asahi catches you easily and sets you upright, kissing your forehead.

He makes you feel so safe with his gentle being and you manage to complete the whole thing that very day!

You two aren’t the most flashy, PDA-craved, obnoxious couple out there and I think you two both appreciate that fact

But you are deeply in love and a relationship happiness like you two have only comes around once in a lifetime. 💕

what do you think of "my top 10 fics of the year"? do you consider that grading (if it's not in order)

This is a great question and thank you for asking/also I’m flattered that you even care to thoughtfully engage with this question :). 

First of all, I didn’t intend to sound like the fic police. People can do whatever they want! When we put fic or creative stuff out there in the world, people might talk about it in ways that hurt. Or even not talk about it, and that hurts too. Hey, it’s a strange thing, sharing stuff. If people are doing fic recs and fic lists and giving kudos, I don’t think all that is necessarily bad and a lot of it can be super kind and very gratifying.

I think what gets me is the grading specifically. So no! I don’t consider a “these are my faves” lists to be grading at all. Seeing those lists makes me happy for those authors! And seeing people celebrate and promote the work they loved is wonderful. I also think it’s totally cool for people to share their personal opinions? Like “here are the ones I go back to forever,” that’s a personal statement. Of course there are works that take off in a fandom, and resonate with a lot of people, and part of the fun is getting to share in that conversation and squee together over it and those authors have had a very nice thing happen for them and that is grand.

Here’s what gets me, when people say “these are objectively the best fics out there.” Or even, “these are The Classics No One Can Touch” in our fandom. I just wish we would do a little bit less of that kind of claim, in fandom. Yeah, it’s true that some fics get really popular and I think those authors deserve to celebrate. It just gives me a sad when people present that popularity as the same thing as value. We all know that popularity is strange and so is virality online, and I find it hurtful when people post a list (even when I’m on it! Because let me be clear, I am actually super overwhelmed by the success I have had on my fic and very grateful for it) and they say “these are straight up the best ones, objectively.” It’s just a little crass, a little discouraging? A little like becoming the fic police yourself and saying that there is only one way to write and one way to resonate with people. Some authors and some fics have gotten me so deep in the heart and been there when I needed them and they were a totally weird small out there strange creative fic – and I just want those things to have space to breathe. 

I mean, I come at this as someone who works with marginalized students and learning and achievement data all the time? I have a big chip on my shoulder when people want to give number rankings or grades to things and I’m like, who are you and what’s your basis for evaluation?! Even when we don’t intend to make a big statement, I think ranking and assigning grades immediately changes the tone of a conversation about fic, ya know? Discussing “these are things that resonated with me” just hits so much differently than the ranking and the grading. Again, not the fic police. People can do what they want. But fic is often so personal and sharing it can be so hard and we do it for different reasons and I think there’s this element of professionalization in a fandom that has a large number of people and a lot of reach and that pressure? That professionalization? I fully believe both as a writer and as a cognitive scientist that it is directly opposed to creativity. We need to let people feel like they can be different and weird and not writing for popularity. I just believe that. That’s where the good shit comes from.

There’s always going to be a certain amount of conversation about “the best” fics in any big fandom and I’m chill about that. I just think that if we are interested in cultivating a community that lets authors flourish and encourages new ones, we should think about whether we’re making the space for less popular people, for newer authors, whether we’re being broad and inclusive, ya know? And I am interested in that part of how fanfic works as a social community–others might not be! That’s chill too. I don’t have the energy or time to promote fic or authors systematically on my blog and it makes me too socially anxious, but I do think about how a community would do so, and I think about the dynamics of seeing fics only get read if they’re based on that viral spread, and on the other hand I watch people like @twopoppies put so much work into fic recs that include authors I’ve never seen a moodboard for but who have amazing writing I was happy to discover, or I appreciate blogs like @larryfanfiction for making *so* many beautiful image boards for people’s fic, like that’s really celebratory content. I guess my big rule when I’m thinking about things like encouraging community is, am I being additive? Am I helping the side that needs a little more help?

There’s also just anxiety as a thing. I avoid nearly all “awards” kind of blogposts and summaries at this time of year because even if someone handles it super well and does it very graciously and tries to include a vast amount of fic and authors, even though I myself have no lack of kindness and am grateful for all the readers my fics have gotten, it just is anxiety-provoking for me to see things that feel like a competition. I bet there are a lot of authors out there who feel like me, and if you’re reading this and you feel that way then come over to my chill corner of zero competition and unconditional celebration. Hey, you made a thing????? you won!!! 

S c h o o l Did you/do you like school? Looking back after a few years, I think I did overall. I wouldn’t have said that in the moment, though. I got very easily overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out. Many tears were shed. A lot of anxiety was induced. I hated the presentations and taking exams. There were parts I did like, though. There were assignments, books, courses, teachers, and activities that I liked. The learning aspect of stuff that was of real interest to me was enjoyable.  What was/is the best thing about going to school? The worst? I listed the good and bad in my previous answer. All that being said, I do believe education is good and important.  What was/is your favourite subject? Least favourite? My favorite was always english and then psychology, obviously. That was my major. My least was always math. That was the absolute worst.  Who was/is your favourite teacher? Least favourite? My favorite in elementary and middle school (my school was a K-8th grade) was Mr. McGill. He was my 4th grade teacher, but he ended up being an 8th grade teacher later on and I was able to have him again. He was very funny and cool and made learning fun. He genuinely cared about his students. Everyone loved him. In high school it was my sophomore history teacher, Mr. Coffey. He reminded me so much of Rob Dyrdek from how he looked to how he acted. He was cool. He always jammed out to Red Hot Chili Peppers before class. In college I had a few awesome professors. College professors are usually pretty rad.

What did/do you do for break/recess? Recess I just hung out with my friends. I forget what we did, exactly. I couldn’t go on the playground (I’m in a wheelchair). I probably just watched them for awhile or something. I remember playing 4-square. Probably stuff like tag as well. I honestly don’t really remember what I did for recess in elementary school. In middle school we just hung out. *shrug* Oh, and had snacks cause most of us always brought chips or whatever to munch on before lunch. People were suddenly your best friend if you had Hot Cheetos haha. In school break was lunch and I just ate and hung out with friends mostly. In college if I was campus for a long time I usually ate between classes, studied, did some reading, got coffee, messed around on my phone and watched YouTube or Netflix or something.  Did you/do you do any after school activities? What? In 5th and 6th grade I was a Girl Scout. In middle school we had electives, but that was during school so I guess that doesn’t count. I think it was like toward the end of the school day, though. Oh, also my local community college offered some fun classes for kids during the summer and I did some of those. In high school I was in a couple clubs. I was VP for one of them. When I was at community college I was an active club and then board member of the psychology club. In university I didn’t do anything, ha. I went to my classes and went home.  Did you/do you take part in a club or sport at school? What? No sports, but yeah the club stuff I just listed. ^^^  What age did you start school? Like 3 in preschool. If you've left school do you wish you were still there? Nope! haha. I served my time as I say. I’m doneeee. S l a n d e r Do you take things people say at face value? Not always. Depends what they’re telling me, obviously. If someone was like, “there’s a huge meteor crashing to earth tomorrow” I’m gonna look into that lol. What is the worst rumour that has been spread about you? There weren’t any. Not that I ever knew of, anyway. I wasn’t relevant. Can you honestly say you never act two faced? No. I think we’ve all been fake in some way or another at some time or another. Some people are just fake people, though. Like that’s just who they are as a person, ya know? I’m not one of those people, but I can’t say that I’ve never been before.  Do you get talked about behind your back often [someone tells you]? I’m sure my former friends have talked a lot of shit about me over the past few years and rightfully so. I wouldn’t blame them at all. Now I’m probably not even on their radar anymore and they probably just don’t give a shit, which I also wouldn’t blame them for. Apart from that, I mean I’m sure people have said stuff about me behind my back and I’ve been told things before. For the most part; though, I really feel like I was always pretty insignificant and not even on most people’s radar. Do you believe everyone is somewhat of a gossip? Yeah, pretty much. Some are just make it their life; though, and live for the gossip and drama. Don't you think those who insult others and their lives just seriously need to get a life of their own? I don’t understand the obsession some people have for people they claim to dislike or hate. Like, why are they so invested and give any of their time to someone they don’t like? It makes NO sense. I see that so much on the internet. I watch YouTubers and there will be so many haters who just have to get their fix and watch the video and talk shit about the person. They just have to leave that comment and make it known. I’m just like, WHY. I don’t waste my time watching or following up on someone I don’t like. I don’t feel the need to leave a rude comment. It’s real easy to just X out the video and find something else. Why waste your time??? I’ve just really been seeing that a lot lately especially on YouTube. Same with celebrities. There’s some I’m not a fan of or don’t particularly care for, but I have the need to go tweet and tell them that I don’t like them or talk shit in their comments. Make comments to yourself or to someone privately, but you don’t need to make it known to the person. I just move along with your life. That goes for anyone. We all talk shit sometimes, don’t act like you never do, but you don’t need to insult people to their face. S p o r t s Do you like sports in general? Nope. Do you prefer field sports, team sports or other? I prefer no sports. Do you run/jog regularly? Nope. Do you like/enjoy swimming? What's your usual stroke? Nope. What sport do you like to watch but not to play? None. What sport do you like to play but not to watch? None. Who is your favourite sportsman/woman? What sport do they play? I don't have one. Are you sporty, average or hate sports? Sports are just not my thing, man.  R a p Do you like rap music? Yeah. Whose your favourite rap artist? Why? I have several. I’m probably most into Post Malone these days. I like Drake, too. There’s also the newer genre, emo rap, that I’m into as well. That includes like Juice WRLD and Travis Scott. Thennn there’s like rap rock. Linkin Park, one of my top favorite bands, fall under that category. Whose your least favourite rap artist? Why? Hmm. Name me a few rap songs that you like? I don’t wanna.  Name me a few rap songs you dislike? I don’t wanna. Is rap one of your top 3 genres of music? I don’t know, man. I just like variety. Eminen or Dr. Dre? Eminem.  Dizzy Rascal or Will.i.am? I don’t think I’ve heard of Dizzy Rascal.  D12 or Bone Thugs n Harmony? I liked a couple songs by D12. Haven’t listened to them in a long time, though. R e a d i n g Do you like reading? I love to read. What's your favourite book? Whose your favourite author? I can’t choose a favorite. I just can’t. I’ve been reading a longgggg time and have read a lottttttt of books. I have too many favorites. Fiction or Non Fiction? I like fiction better.  Sci-Fi or Historical Novel? Hm. Probably sci-fi out of the two. Fantasy or Horror? Horror. Romance or War Novel? Romance. Do you prefer films or books? I enjoy both. How many books do you think you own? Quite a lot, but not as much as I used to. I’ve been reading a lot of ebooks for the past several years, so I have a lot of those. I have a lot saved in my Kindle app. What books have you read that made you sad? I’ve read countless number of sad books. What books have you read that frightened you? I read a lot of mystery and psychological thriller, so. What books have you read that were terrible? The only ones I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve read are the Fifty Shades of Gray series. :X What books have you read that left you wanting more? So many. I get really into a book and the characters. I love a series.  R e l i g i o n Do you believe in God? Yes. Do you believe in multiple Gods/Goddesses? No. What is your religion called? Christian. Do you believe in Angels and Demons? Yes. Do you believe in Heaven and Hell? Yes. Do you believe in The Devil? Yes. Not like how he’s portrayed in movies and such, like the red dude with a pitchfork, but yes.  What rule/ideal in your religion do you think is the most important? The 10 Commandments.  What, to you, is the difference between spirituality and religion? Religion consists of practices, beliefs, and a relationship with God. Spirituality is more within yourself.  Q u e s t i o n s O f O d d n e s s Do you like tandoori chicken? Never had it. I don’t even know what that is. Can you hear a man's voice right now? On the TV. What nations tea is the best? I don't know. Can you remember what you were doing at 12.30pm yesterday? Sleeping. Does the colour purple make you feel a particular emotion? No. What age are you going to be in 2020? I’m turning 31 this year. D: What colour are your siblings eyes? Brown. Do you more often get a sore throat, cough or sneeze? Sore throat or cough. Do you get more headaches, earaches, toothaches or sore eyes? Headaches and sore eyes. Do you usually wear plain coloured clothes or dual/multi coloured? I wear a lot of black, but it has stuff on it it’s not just a plain black shirt. How far away is the nearest take away place from your house? Like a 2 minute drive. Do you think sarcasm is a good tool or just annoying? It can be annoying when done excessively. It can just be rude sometimes. I have my sarcastic moments, though.  What photos do you have on your phone? Saved photos of stuff I found online, my doggo, some of me, just various things. What's the model of your phone? iPhone XR. Do you drink hot honey and lemon when ill? Nope. My younger brother swears by that kind of stuff when he’s sick. What word would sum up today? It’s only 6 in the morning. I need to go to bed omg. This week? Uh, itt’s just starting. This month? Meh. This year? Way too soon to say. Favourite type of muffin? Banana without the nut and blueberry. Streusel on top makes them even better.

Revised Syllabus for Spring 2020

the long version (tl:dr version w/ specifics in next post)

PRINCIPLES

1. Nobody signed up for this situation - not for the disruptions to our own personal lives - not for the changes to our collective present and future - and definitely not for the changes for how we teach and learn

2. In spite of that, we have to carry on - you need assignments, grades, and course credits - I need to provide those in a way that fits the situation

3. The best response to difficult situations is a humane response, so here's mine: - I will prioritize you and your needs - I will prioritize simple solutions - I will prioritize communication & support - I will prioritize flexibility & accommodation

4. We can't just do the same things but do them online - some assignments are no longer possible - some expectations are no longer reasonable - some learning goals are no longer valid

PROMISES

1. I will not ask anyone to learn a new learning platform and nothing I ask you to do for this class should require anything beyond a smartphone

I will continue to use the class blogs on tumblr to post assignments and information

all reading and study assignments can be done using free materials easily available from the internet

you may turn in any work using email

any discussion opportunities will use free and basic social media

participation in any discussion will be optional

2. I will provide clear reading and study assignments on a predictable schedule

weekly learning and study assignments will be posted on Mondays

additional notes and information responses will be posted on Wednesdays and Fridays

I will also post answers to submitted questions on Wednesdays and Fridays

every assignment will be presented in a clear and consistent format

3. Under the current circumstances, the only thing I feel I can require for successful completion of the course is basic participation

I believe I have already taught all the essential skills, terms, and concepts in our courses -- it's all practice and improvement from this point on

I just ask that you stay in touch by sending me a question or comment on the course material as often as you can or wish -- preferably at least once a week  

it won't be a class unless I know you're out there, so I have to hear from you

if I don't hear from you, I'll have to assume you are no longer taking the course

if you can't stick with the schedule because of your circumstances, but still want to complete the course, contact me and I'll try to work something out

4. I will not change the overall course learning goals, but under the current circumstances I will reduce the amount of material I assign, and I will change the grading system

each assignment will always focus on a single topic with clear recommendations for study

I will also provide a few additional options or resources -- and if you, personally, want more depth or suggestions for further learning, ask me for them

the new grading system is basically a pass/fail system:

if you were present and completed at least some of the assignments in the first half of the term, you have already earned a B in this class

if you are present and complete at least some of the assignments in the second half of the term, you will earn an A in this class

if this seems like a gift, all right maybe it is, but I expect you have more important things you're dealing with than this class at the moment . . . so maybe pass the generosity on to someone else, ok?

5. Of course I will not change the basic academic expectations for higher education

plagiarism remains unacceptable

no claims without evidence

seek information from ethical, high-quality sources

any question or comment you send me must be clear, concise, concrete, and connected to the themes and issues of the course -- don't send me anything you wouldn't want to see posted on the blog

civility and respect for one another is essential -- practice good netiquette, not just in this course, but always -- (i.e. don't be a d*ck).

6. I will be here for you

I will be available via email, on twitter, and possibly via other social media (but not Tik Tok -- hard pass, don't ask)

I will respond to emails and other messages as promptly as I can

I will hold online office hours on a regular schedule, during which I will try to respond immediately to emails and messages

I'd like to expand my office hour availability using a face-to-face platform like Zoom or Skype, but I'll do that later

I can't be available 24-7 because I have stuff going on too -- but that's true for us all, right?

I will be posting media and informational snacks, comfort food, and nutritional supplements, because that's just what I do I can't help it sorry not sorry

HOPES

I hope you and all your loved ones stay safe and healthy and well

I hope we all come out of this feeling more connected instead of  more isolated

I hope you all know and remember that Caz is a special place where everyone is doing their best for you

I hope you will stay curious and value learning, and encourage others to do the same

I hope you use everything you know and everything you are to make your world safer, healthier, and better

I hope that this is all over soon

. . . and I hope that if I've made any errors in this syllabus, or if you have any questions about it, you'll let me know

PS - it would be great if you sent me an email saying you’d seen this

PPS - did you notice that I used the explainer format?

Depression

My friend recommended that I reach out to my sculpting teacher and ask him if he offers mentorship out of class or if he knew of any other artists offering that.

My instincts didn’t feel right, but I did it anyways. I got one of the biggest rejections from him and I can’t say it didn’t hurt. I knew it would happen, and I still did it anyway. Went out with my two close friends today, but they were all over each other. I love them dearly, but everyone is reminding me of how alone I am. I don’t feel wanted by anyone. I know that’s not true, but that’s how I’m feeling. 

People will say I’m cute, but once they learn A) I don’t just want to hookup and B) Oh, you’re trans and otherkin? Too weird for me.  Yes... I get it... I just wish it wasn’t this way. God. I just want someone to make me feel valued. A friend or even a teacher. One of my instructors from my first year, who I love dearly, saw me today and made a funny comment that always makes me laugh. He’s the only string of happiness I felt today. I’m internally thanking him for it. This depression is absolutely killing me. I don’t have a partner. I hardly have friends who are available. My cat is no longer with us (my mom and my sibling had to put her down while I was starting uni in this other country) and I have to return home during winter break without her presence. I don’t know what to do. The university’s one counselor (Yeah, just one) is super booked. Not only that, but he didn’t help me with this issue last year and made crude comments towards me. 

I have an assignment due tomorrow that’s not even finished and it’s worth 30% of my grade. I don’t want to get out bed. I just want to lay down and not much. I feel like I’m rotting. If it weren’t for my twin sister and my beliefs, I don’t feel like I’d be here. I just wish things were different. I just want someone.

Just in case y’all needed some good ol’ evidence that A) my C teacher knows nothing about C (or teaching for that matter) and B) some college teachers are scum of the earth, here ya go:

THE CONTEXT:

Every week we have quizzes on the week’s topic. This week was loops. The quizzes are 10 questions and multiple choice, so like super easy to pass but of course also super easy to fail. I missed 4, and yes I’m admitting up front that 2 of them are 100% my fault, I wasn’t paying attention, but because I missed 4 that means I got a D. I should also mention, the quizzes are automatically graded.

The 2 questions I’m not taking credit for missing though went as follows:

The code on the left is a direct C/P from the quiz. Now, it’s clear what’s meant to happen is it compared myVar (which at the start is equal to 0) to 99 and says essentially “If 0 equals 99, write true. Otherwise, write false.” So the answer that should output is “False”, because 0 does not equal 99.

However, as you may notice, the if-statement is missing another equal sign, so instead of comparing myVar to 99, it’s instead setting myVar to 99, and because it gets successfully set to 99, the if-statement reads that as being true, and so it goes ahead and writes “True” instead of “False”, as is shown in the console on the right.

So, of course, the question on the quiz being “What will output from this code?” I answered with “True”, and of course, that was apparently wrong. I was apparently supposed to glean that this was clearly a typo and answer with what the code should’ve output, not what it actually does output.

The other question:

Again, the code is a direct C/P from the quiz. It’s clearly meant to exhibit a loop that continuously prints until the variable ‘row’ is no longer less than 10. The question here was “What will be the first value output from this code?” and it’s clear that the intended output is that it will print “row = 1″ first, so the answer should be 1.

However, maybe you noticed the semi-colon after that there while-loop. Now ya see, what that does is change the entire meaning of the code, because instead of printing “row = “ every single iteration until row is no longer less than 10, instead it’s taking row, which in the beginning equals 0, and it’s basically doing the entire loop in the background. So essentially, without you being able to see anything, it’s starting from 0 and adding 1 until it’s no longer less than 10, so until it hits 11, and then it’s moving to the next line of code which says to print “row =“ along with whatever ‘row’ equals at the time.

So evidently, the answer should be 1, but because of this typo, the answer is 11. This question actually stood out to me more than the other one because this is a multiple-choice quiz, it’s not like I’m writing in my answers here, and 11 was in fact one of the available answers, along with 1. So I swear it almost feels like they knew you’d answer with 11, as you reasonably should because 11 is the answer, but they did that just to fuck you over, but I digress.

SO OF COURSE, I emailed my teacher as calmly and rationally as I could (after having numerous other issues with him). I basically just said “Hey, the code in these two questions have typos in them, so the quiz marks these answers as wrong even though they’re technically the right answers.” I explained everything pretty much as I did above, included those same pictures, and said “I can’t possibly imagine I’m the only one these will trip up so I thought I would point them out.”

This was his response:

Again, for context, I looked this guy up online on one of those teacher-rating websites. So I knew going in how bad this guy was, unfortunately I just didn’t have any other option. Not to mention, the single most common complaint I’d read was that he likes to go on long-winded off-topic tangents, and I figured being that I’m taking this class online, that wouldn’t bother me because there are no lectures, just reading, so NBD (but as you can tell from his response, this common complaint seems very self-evident).

The other complaint however, that I guess silly me didn’t think would be that huge of an issue is that he refrains from doing any work he deems to be “extra”. Which leads me to this:

I have had some really shitty teachers in my life, the former-shittiest being one who taught an AP-level class on subject matter he was entirely unfamiliar with and he frequently saw zero issues with allowing us to utilize our classmates, our textbooks, or even the internet on tests. In an AP-level class. I say this with no hyperbole, we all got A’s in the class. Not because most of us even learned anything, but because of what was said above along with the added fact that he never graded any of the tests himself, he always left it to students, sometimes students who hadn’t even taken the test themselves yet.

You know what happened to him? He lost his license and works at Costco now. Don’t get me wrong, he was occasionally a nice guy (when he wasn’t throwing chairs at students but that’s another story), and I wish him the best, but I am very very happy that he is no longer a teacher because he was not a good teacher.

But of course, as you might’ve noticed, him being a shitty teacher worked in my favor. This one however, is not. And TBH, I don’t even know what to do. In high school it was easy, we all went and talked to the councilor and principal, because they’re the adults so they need to deal with it.

Now I’m the adult, and I’m the one shilling out hundreds of dollars to fail quizzes because of typos, and to be marked down on assignments for personal preferences that are not listed anywhere on any of the rubrics, and to learn from a guy who brazenly admits to putting zero effort into teaching his class.

Like, I know there’s a whole thing about teachers not making much money. I get it. That sucks. Teachers definitely need to be paid more. But this, this is absurd, and this does not make me want to pay teachers more. This is, as a teacher might call it, a bad apple ruining it for the rest of the bunch.

Theses whole “reusing old assignments from other teachers w/o reviewing them” bit, or the “using an auto-script to grade and never opening the code to read it myself” bit, or the “deeming everything short of pushing the run button on my auto-script as being ‘extra’ and not doing it” bit, or the “acknowledging when a student points out an error on my end that impacts their grade w/o doing anything to fix it” bit...these bits are why college professors are nothing but scam artists.

EDIT: I will add that, I’m giving him until Monday to change my grade. I’m trying to be the good guy here and give him the biggest benefit of the doubt and say “Okay, maybe he replied to my email late on Friday, but he was done w/ his day so he’ll change my grade come Monday.” Or maybe tomorrow, since tomorrow is the due date for it anyways.

But I should point out, that while that might absolve this issue in particular, there are still many many other issues with this “””teacher””” that go beyond this one issue, and I’m still contemplating going to the department head about it, or someone else. Whoever I need to go to about it, because it’s ridiculous that we’re all paying hundreds of dollars for this 40-50+ year-old man to be treating this class like he’s a 16 year-old working at Taco Bell, which quite frankly, is a discredit to 16 year-olds working at Taco Bell.