#i wish i found this sooner wtf
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Wildest dreams, part 18
Summary: Waking up, Y/N expected to find herself in Paul’s arms. Instead, she found herself clinging to bed sheets and an empty bed.
Warnings: fluff, angst, sexual content, swearing
Wildest Dreams Masterlist
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Paul promised he’d be there when her eyes opened. She remembers his words clearly, that wasn’t a dream. They made love, he drove her to the brink of madness and back and then he promised to be there when she wakes, so where the hell is he now?
A lump forms at the back of Y/N’s throat as she sits up, clinging to the bed sheets carrying his scent. It’s unmistakable – his promise is broken. Paul isn’t by her side, he’s not even in the room.
Inhaling sharply, her chest shudders. Closing her eyes she licks her lower lip before catching it between her teeth. Part of her wishes she could stop time and stay in that moment he held her so close that nothing stood between them – not even air could penetrate the tight bond between their bodies as they surrendered every atom of their beings to each other.
But she can’t stop time and he’s gone.
Why?
Where?
Swallowing thickly, she throws the sheets aside and stands. It doesn’t make sense. If he wanted to run, he could have done so sooner. He wouldn’t do it to her now. She refuses to believe he’d do it on purpose. Something must have happened.
Putting on her clothes, she shivers. Cold always finds her, sinking its hooks in her skin, spreading underneath violently until her muscles tremble in an effort to generate some warmth to battle the ice in her veins. Paul keeps the cold away, but without him it’s like falling through the ice into the freezing water below.
Checking her phone, she finds no new messages. Not from Paul at least.
Jacob sent dozens of texts. Embry had sent a few as well, and even Emily tried calling. She remembers her phone vibrating last night but in that moment the world could have been coming to an end and she’d refuse to acknowledge it because being with Paul was enough for her. If it was the end, she was already with the only person she’d watch it all burn to nothingness.
Huffing, she dials Paul.
From nowhere came the sound of a cellphone ringing, a classical cover of “Stay with me” by Sam Smith echoing the room. It’s on the nightstand on Paul’s side of the bed, her photo flashing on the screen.
Her heart quickens, eyebrows furrowing. He didn’t just leave, he wouldn’t have left his phone or her. Not after last night.
Rushing downstairs, she pops into the kitchen first. “Paul?”
He’s not here.
“Paul?!” She calls out, her heart dropping as the silence continues. “Fuck”, her hands begin to shake as she opens Jacob’s messages first.
“Is everything k?”
“Call me if u wanna talk”
“If u don’t wanna talk, just text me back, pls. Just so I knw ure home.”
“I’m getting worried”
“I’ll call ur dad. If you dnt text me back, I will.”
“Y/N wtf, I called ur dad and he says ure not home. Call me ASAP!”
“Paul’s not answering either and I’m seriously starting to panic”
“I’ll stop by his house to check on him and then I’ll look 4 u”
“I heard enough to traumatize me for the rest of my life. Glad you’re ok.”
Rolling her eyes, she chews on her bottom lip. She hoped to get a “We had an emergency, sorry to steal your man so early in the morning” text, something that would pacify her, but she’s never been quite good at finding herself in situations that had no answers when her mind would jump to worse case scenarios.
“I’m not paying for therapy. Just wanted to check if you guys had patrol or some vampires to chase this morning?”
Dropping back on the couch, she stares up at the ceiling. Who would have known she’d find herself falling for the biggest playboy she’s ever met, that he’d turn out to be her cosmic love and that she’d go from wishing never to see him again to wishing never to lose him? It’s incredible how unpredictable life can be – one moment can change it irreversibly, one person can make it so you never look at anything you’ve known the same way.
“No. Sam’s out with the pups. Why?”
Shaking her head, she bounces her right foot on the floor. Something’s not right. He wouldn’t just leave her like this – no note, no text, hell, his phone’s still in the bedroom.
“I can’t find Paul”
“What do you mean you can’t find him?!”
She snorts at the way Jacob’s text become proper and grammatically correct whenever he’s angry, same as it used to be. He used to teach her slang and how to shorten words to make texting easier back when each text cost and they had character limits. She’s never quite liked it, finding ways to shape her thoughts in a different manner rather than using Jacob’s ridiculous one letter words.
“He said he’d be here and he’s not and his phone’s in the room”, she grimaces before walking to the window. Pulling the curtain aside, she sees his Jeep in the driveway. “His car is here too.”
It took less than a second after the Seen for Y/N’s phone to ring, Jacob’s name plastered over her screen.
“Tell me everything”, Jacob says, his breathing almost ragged.
“I doubt you want to heart everything”, Y/N reminds him.
“I didn’t mean the part where you two fucked, I mean after”, his voice is low, still raspy. He must have woken up because of her text.
“Before we fell asleep, he promised me he’d be here when I woke up. He wasn’t. I called his phone and it frickin’ rang in the fucking room. I looked around the house and he’s not here. His stupid fucking Jeep is in the driveway and I’m starting to freak out because there’s no way in hell he’d just leave the house without anything on him.”
“Look, don’t go anywhere. I’ll be there soon and we’ll figure it out together. Okay?”
“Jake”, she pauses.
“Don’t tell me not to come. I know we still have a long way to go before we get back to that friendship we had growing up, but I care about you and you’re upset and despite common sense, I care about Paul too. So, stay there. I’m on my way.”
Hanging up, Jacob immediately called Embry.
“What do you want”, Embry grumbles.
“Better wake up Mr. Sunshine, because we might have a situation on our hands.”
“What kind of a situation?”
“Paul’s gone.”
“Gone? Gone how?”
Rolling his eyes, Jacob grabs his helmet and heads to his old bike. “That’s what I’m not sure about. Y/N called and she can’t find him.”
“He’s probably off somewhere licking his wounds from last night. Remember when he found out Y/N moved away for college? He went into the woods for weeks and never spoke of her after he came home. And that’s BEFORE he imprinted on her.”
“I remember it just fine”, Jacob sighs.
“They fought and he’s imprinted on her, so I’m not worried. He’ll come back soon.”
“But they didn’t fight”, Jacob interrupts, “quite the opposite.”
“Huh?”
“I wanted to check on him last night and…those weren’t the sounds of a couple fighting.”
“What are you….oh….OH!”
“Exactly the sound she made last night. Several times.” Jacob grimaces. The last thing he needed was to hear his best friend moaning as she was getting frisky with Paul Lahote. If there’s something his younger self would never believe, it’s that Y/N would ever let Paul’s penis anywhere near her and yet it was quite literally attached to her last night and his stomach churns at the thought.
“Where the fuck is he then?!” Embry raises his voice and Jacob sighs.
“That’s why I’m calling you now. Shift and see if you can find him. I’ll go to his house and find Y/N before she spirals.”
“Be careful about it”, Embry warns.
“What are you trying to imply?”
“I know what goes through your head when Y/N is involved. I knew back then and I know now.”
“She’s in love with Paul. I’ve imprinted on another. I’m not going to do anything stupid.”
“I really wish I could believe you.”
“Get going, Em. Paul might be in some deep shit and I don’t want to look her in the eye and say we couldn’t help him because we spent too long talking about things that will never happen.”
“I’ll call if I find anything.”
Inhaling sharply, Jacob pockets his phone and puts his helmet on. He’s not delusional to think he would ever be a viable option to Y/N, nor would she ever be a choice he could embrace with his own imprint being out there in the world.
What Jacob does know is that Paul adores the ground Y/N walks on, has been since before any of them truly knew it. She’s in safe hands with Paul. For now, at least. While he’s gone, for whatever reason it may be, Jacob will step in and make sure the fate Paul saw while imprinting doesn’t befall her in his absence.
It didn’t take long for him to drive up to Paul’s house. Taking a good whiff, Jacob frowns. There are no unfamiliar scents lingering around. If a vampire came close, half the reservation would reek for hours. All of the wolves would be out, tracking down the source. But there are no vampires here. It smells distinctively of Paul and Y/N.
It’s painstakingly obvious they’re imprints based off their smell alone. Paul has a woody smell of pine clinging to him from his work in the lumberyard and all the time he spends in the woods as he patrols, while Y/N has a floral scent – a mixture of lilacs and lilies. Woody and floral – complementary in every possible way.
Shaking his head, his jaw clenches. She’s his best friend, she’s always been his favorite human being, the only one who could see who he is through all the bullshit walls he’s built over the years. Y/N has always understood him at his core, supported him when he needed her without even having to ask for it, pushed him to be better when all he wanted was to avoid the world and when he left her after shifting, it felt like he was taken apart with every passing day.
When they told him he’s never to talk to her again, Jacob accepted his fate but he would follow her home, terrified of something happening to her. He was always there, sun, rain or snow, Jacob was following her from the tree line, ready to step in. Y/N didn’t know, but he would have done anything to ensure she’d live a long life, even if it meant she’d hate him longer.
It’s depressing it took so many years for her to finally find out the truth. He’s been away, tied to his imprint instead of his best friend ever since Bella gave birth. In a way, he’s resented Renesmee for taking him away from his home…from Y/N. He never asked to imprint, if he could choose not to, he wouldn’t have an imprint.
For years, Jacob’s tried figuring out the purpose of him imprinting on a vampire hybrid baby that he felt no true romantic affection for. He’s felt duty, he’s felt protective after watching her grow up before his eyes. Despite what most imprints feel, Jacob only ever felt like a parental figure. He loves her, he does, but he’s not in love with her and he doesn’t see that changing. Ever.
Unlike Renesmee, Jacob’s loved Y/N his whole life and yes, there are dormant feelings always lingering somewhere inside. She was his first friend, the first person he danced with, his first kiss. She was the first person he could be vulnerable with, the first person he could act stupid around and the only person he could come to with his hands bloody and know he would face no judgment.
Making his way to the door, Jacob smiles when the door open wide before he even reaches them. Y/N’s standing in the doorway, her lips pressed in a thin line, her arms opening immediately and without a second thought, Jacob allows her to wrap those loving arms around his neck.
Holding her close, he breathes through his mouth in an attempt to ignore how strongly Paul’s scent clings to her, overpowering the freshness of her own scent Jacob was once addicted to.
“It’s gonna be okay”, Jacob whispers in her hair, closing his eyes as his grip on Y/N tightens. And that was a promise. One way or another, Paul will come back and Jacob will watch from the sidelines how in love his best friend is with the very man she once detested. He’ll watch and he’ll witness their ups and console her when they’re at their lows, but he’ll never let her see the pain it will bring him. She’ll never see the worry in his eye whenever he’s not around her for he never knows when it’ll happen.
It’s inevitable, Jacob of all people knows.
When he imprinted, Jacob saw his life with Renesmee. He saw himself by her side as she grew, taking her to school, taking photos of her and her prom date, waiting up for her when she snuck out to a party. It all came true. He saw himself walking her down the aisle with Edward, babysitting her son, growing older while she remains younger. That’s yet to happen, but it will. At some point in his life, he will give up shifting and he will age and one day, he’ll be free of this life for good.
If his visions were true, if every other wolf’s visions happened just as they did, so will Paul’s.
Jacob will do everything in his power to make sure it doesn’t, but in his heart he knows his time with Y/N is limited, therefore too precious to ever tell her his heart is like sand in which her footprints will never be erased by waves of the ocean of time.
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PART 19
#paul lahote#paul lahote x reader#paul lahote series#twilight saga#Twilight series#twilight fanfiction#twilight#twilight fandom#paul lahote x oc#jacob black#jacob black x reader#embry call
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brother crab's winter 2024 parting thoughts: high card s2
WHAT THE HELL
HIGH CARD IS GOOD?!
tl;dr very flashy and aesthetic, consistently good in that regard, but the story was not always gripping to me. however, with the ultimate payoff in the last three eps, totally worth it imo
full review:
wow wow wow i'm kind of glad i fell way behind on anime and had the last three eps of s2 to binge all at once because hoooly shit i enjoyed that immensely
at no point did i think high card was bad, but it definitely had moments where it didn't fully grab me. there were times when it felt like all flash, no substance
and it's definitely not perfect, i have some serious and fairly significant gripes with it. mainly i'm really bummed that leo, wendy, and vijay never really got fully fleshed out. i mean i get it, finn's the main character and chris is the thinly veiled love interest also important so obviously they're going to take up most of the time, but i really feel like the other members of the crew had so much unexplored potential (especially wendy and vijay, because leo did sort of get his moment as a factor in the old man yaoi situation)
speaking of which THE OLD MAN YAOI!! man there were a lot of moving pieces in this show, and sometimes they came together in messy ways (or didn't really come together at all... some bits do still feel pretty disjointed and jumpy to me, tbh)
but overall the payoff of the s2 finale was absolutely worth it to me, particularly since it dealt with my favorites of those moving pieces: the old man yaoi and the sudden YANDERE ONIISAN ARC
i find myself really wishing the show had gone harder on both of those threads sooner, but like... honestly i'm not disappointed with how they played out. the whole theodore and ban thing could not have been more tropey (YEARS of loathing only for a "the one i wanted to protect all along was... you" and then dying for each other like HELLO yes an absolute tropefest BUT TROPES THAT I LOVE. GOOD FOR THOSE TOXIC DOOMED YAOI MFERS)
tilt has always been fascinating to me right from the character design and i am more or less satisfied with how things played out for him too, though i kind of wish we'd had more of this development spread throughout the series. i guess it was there, but... i dunno. in some ways feels like there could have been More (but i may be biased)
like you gotta feel bad for him, it's a sad story, but also that extreeemely creepy unhinged yandere oniisan "i have been stalking you i literally have a wall with giant blown up photos of you i hate the other guy who is calling himself your brother" sequence was SO FUCKING DELICIOUS LIKE WTF??? stunned and absolutely blown away by how hard they went on that, what a delight
(ironically it makes me think about how unhinged matakara in bucchigiri?! just doesn't work while unhinged tilt in high card works super well, but this is not about bucchigiri?! so i won't get too into that)
i am still admittedly just. kind of like. idk. i go back and forth on finn and chris, as characters and as partners. i don't dislike them but they aren't always all that compelling to me. sometimes they definitely are, but sometimes they just fall a bit flat to me. this probably isn't an issue with them as characters, though, just a matter of taste. i occasionally found the chemistry between them lacking as well, but sometimes it was really on point
same feeling about the crew dynamics in general. i looove a good like heist crew or spy agency crew, whatever it is, when the dynamics just click. and sometimes they didn't, here. i am too sleepy to articulate it properly right now but it just felt like there was something missing, some pieces not really fitting together. i didn't dislike any of the characters, but just... i guess wanted more team shenanigans? maybe there was no time for that but it would have been nice (like this is one show that could have done with a few filler and/or fluff episodes, imo!)
anyway. christ. my eye emoji-ing at tilt based solely on his character design finally paid off after two gay ass seasons lmao. good night
#crab watches#winter 2024#parting thoughts#high card#GENUINELY WAS NOT EXPECTING TO ENJOY THE LAST THREE EPS THIS MUCH BUT I SO SO SO DID#although lol holy infodump tf#this show loooves its infodumps esp in the second half of the second season#i didn't personally mind all the monologuing that much i guess#like it delivered the information fine#but the fact that there were so many ''LET ME TELL YOU A STORY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE'' scenes in a ROW#was just kind of funny#anyway. it's not like overall the best thing ever but it is wild fun and really paid off in the end (for me at least)#i am a sucker for toxic old man yaoi and the yandere oniisan was a bonus#damn that was fun#alright. going to sleep for real now lmao
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☆》 it was the best of times, the worst of crimes
angst ☆ songfic ? ☆ reunion ☆ smoker kei ☆ cheating ☆ alternate ending
inspo : getaway car <> taylor swift (I love her sm guys wtf)
part i , part ii
ㅤNo, nothing good starts in a getaway car.
ㅤDull beats of music bangs in your head, your heartbeat seems to copy the fast pace of the beat, breathing even faster. You didn’t expect to see him, Tsukishima Kei, in a random college house party your boyfriend had invited you to. Your boyfriend knew you weren’t too social, you didn’t have much friends, so he thought it would be a good idea to invite you, he was such a good man, he cared about you and he took care of you, he encouraged you to make more friends, he helped you with anything you asked. He was such a good man, a better man, than the one standing in front of you right now.
ㅤHis tall frame even taller, he’s still active in volleyball, after all. He looked so much more mature. And oh wow, he still smokes. “Can I help you?” he scoffed, somewhat annoyed. Oh, he doesn’t remember you? maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe he doesn’t remember you at all, or maybe it’s the wrong person. You’ll assume the latter, seems like the safest option. Acting drunk even though you’re stone cold sober. Going back to what you were here for, you didn’t want somebody to like you because of your actions while you were drunk, you wanted them to like you for you. And you’ve found a person that does love you for you, two, actually, hell, you’re dating one right now, but for some reason it doesn’t feel right.
ㅤ“Nothing. You just look familiar” you sigh, turning your head to the ground from the patio you are standing on. You leaned your body to the fence of that patio, letting your elbows support your weight. “Really? How so?” he copies your movements, leaning to the fence next to you, smoke exiting his lips just like how Tsukishima used to in the back of your high school, somewhere you can be together (and your other friends) and nobody else can see you.
ㅤ“Well, there was a guy I liked in high school. He was pretty mean, kind of a bully” you chuckle, recalling all the times you were with him clearly. “He never paid any attention to me, I thought he hated me, but one night, he kissed me. It was… wonderful… I still think about that kiss, I still think about him. I miss him. I have a boyfriend though, so I doubt I could ever be with him again” a wave of overwhelming sadness sucked you in. You miss him so much. You miss how he looked at you that night. How his lips tasted like strawberries and how his breath smelled like smoke and how loved every single second of it.
ㅤ“Are you drunk?” he chortles. His teasing goes unanswered. You are so into your thoughts about him and how you wished you could’ve said or done something sooner. Coughing to hide his embarrassment, he speaks up again, “Alright, when did you kiss him?” he rests his chin on his palm as he looks at you as if he knew something you don’t. “Night after graduation?” “Night after graduation” you both say in unison, his more of a question. You twist your head towards him. Your eyes widen in shock. Something pierced through your heart, you felt so happy and relieved. But you can’t do anything, now. You have somebody else that loves you, and you like enough to be with.
ㅤ“Kei…?” you whisper in disbelief. “What’s up?” he laughs. That handsome laugh you haven’t heard. Finally, after 3 years you hear it again, and his smile. Oh my god his smile. You need to kiss him again. “I miss you too, too bad I’m also dating somebody else” he inhales his cigarette bud, his smile wiped off.
ㅤ“Well, you don’t seem too happy with your guy” he blows the same smoke ring into the sky. It’s almost like that night again, but now its somewhat cloudy. It’ll probably rain soon, you don’t have much time with him before it’ll start to rain. Raining means your boyfriend will search for you to take you home and no words will be exchanged. Even if you talk, its always the same thing, he always gives out the same responses, “that’s great, honey” “isn’t that fun” “aww sorry for that” “mhm, oh wow” you felt like a child, you wanted to be treated to an equal, not like a toddler babbling about their newfound interest.
ㅤ“Yeah, go figure” you sigh, once again. “Wanna tell me about it?” he asks, lowering his face to get closer to yours. Everything lines up like that night again. “Would you listen?” you reciprocate softly. “I didn’t get to two years ago, so why not now?” he put out his cigar on an ashtray readily available next to him. “Three years ago, Kei” you slide down to the floor, crossing your legs. Tapping the floor next to you, looking up at him, inviting him to sit down next to you. “It’s been THAT long?” he plops down next to you. something in him wants to lay his head on your lap, but he knew he couldn’t do so.
ㅤHe's been waiting for you. All this time. He isn’t sure why he lied about having a partner too, perhaps to have some relatability, connect to you in some way, but it’s not important now, what is important is now you, and how you feel and how he’ll never treat you like however this scumbag you’re treats you, although he hasn’t even seen or heard about him yet, he already hates him, all for you.
ㅤYour boyfriend, God bless his soul, is a good man. He loves and cared deeply about you. But lately, you’ve been, just, bored. He’s so nice, too nice. He’s so loving, too loving. There is no conversation to build your relationship, you can’t see his point of view, you can’t understand his stance, because he never told you. He always avoids self-inspection; everytime you try to raise your concern about how he acts towards you, he didn’t listen, resorting to empty apologies, instead of making things better. He would never start speaking about what does and does not bother him, nor listening to you explain what does and does not bother you. He treats you like a child. He isn’t a bad person, perse, maybe he just, isn’t Tsukishima.
ㅤYou wanted to leave him. You needed a reason.
ㅤAnd you admit all this to him. He laughs and groans at your stories and how you really just can’t take him anymore. But y’know who you can take? Tsukishima Kei.
ㅤDense silence fills the air. How do you tell him you love him? You kind of did that night, but it never was said, word for word. Fuck it, you’ll say it now. “Hey, Kei” you turn towards him, his face is so alarmingly close to yours, you can just-
ㅤYou instinctively crash your lips against him, it’s your turn to make the move. He still tastes the same, just like when you were 17 again. Tangy smell of smoke mixed with soursweet taste of strawberries deliciously, bringing memories back to you. You missed him and you missed his taste. His fingers interwaves with yours. Not waiting anymore, he shoves his tongue into you. his muscle scanning all parts of your mouth. You whine in pleasure, wanting more.
ㅤ“[Y/N…? [Y/N]…!” your boyfriend calls out your name. You want to stop. No, you need to stop. But you just can’t. You can’t let go of him ever again. “[Y/N] are you fucking serious right now!? What the fuck are you doing?” you can hear your boyfriend screamed from a distance, his body squeezing and pushing against all other bodies on the dance floor. Tsukishima pulls away from you. “No, no, no. This… this is wrong, [Y/N]. I’m still immoral, or whatever the fuck I was when I was in high school, yeah maybe I’m still him, but I can’t.. no, I can’t. You’re with him, you can be happier with him, I just. I don’t deserve you” he stands up, towering over you.
ㅤYou jump up, grabbing and shaking some sense into him. “Yes we can! Please! Can we please just try it!? Please say you love me too, so at least I know that we could!” you yelled. Tsukishima has never seen you yell before, He can see the desperation in your eyes. He feels so bad. You want him, he wants you, but he knows you’ll regret it, and so do you, but you’re willing to risk everything to feel the thrill of it all again. He stares intently to your eyes, he can see clearly your brows furrowing and tears threatening to spill from your eyes, your whole body shaking. He can see it. He can feel it all. It hits him like a truck all at once. His head cannot keep up with his heartbeat. It is all too fast, he needs to sit down, but this is his only chance to be with you.
ㅤBut he knew, he would, and could never, be the right one for you. Don’t let his bigger, more built body deceive you, he hasn’t emotionally matured yet. Unlike your boyfriend, who at least is ready to take responsibility. He isn’t ready. He’ll hurt you.
ㅤIt’s no surprise he turned you in.
“I’m sorry, [Y/N]”
ㅤCause us traitors never win.
a/n : this is pretty bad but i had an idea and i had to get it out somehow lol
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[Book Three of Three]
Story: 4 out of 5
Smut: 3 out of 5
Wow. Where the hell do I even begin?
First of all, Callum is definitely my favorite. Though he is very much an Archdemon and is rough and tough with his Lady Witch, he’s also very soft with her… and ugh, he melted my heart. I honestly did not expect him to WANT Everly to peg him tho lmao.
Everly was also my favorite girl because she was so pure and innocent, and corrected her path when she saw the true path Kent was leading them all down. These two are perfect for each other.
The trip to Hell was fun, as was Callum and Everly giving each other their metal (their piercings were the best out of all them), but I was NOT a fan of the final battle with the God. Don’t get me wrong, it was good, but THAT ONE SCENE had me gasping.
You know what you did, Harley. How dare you make me take a breather before I got back into reading. Holy shit.
All in all, I loved it. This book felt different and I’m guessing it’s because of Callum’s demon-y sweetness with Everly that I don’t think Leon and Zane quite possessed with their own females.
This trilogy was amazing and I’m so sad to see it end.
Now here are my rambling thoughts...
* So Everly’s mother took her own life? I call bullshit.
* Oh no. Poor Marcus. I can’t believe Jeremiah killed him like that. What a dick.
* She found her Coven family house!
* Callum’s here! And he’s… crazy? lol.
* He got a little excited and went a little feral 😂 Poor Everly doesn’t know what to think. And now she’s given him Sam’s name since he bruised her, and Callum is pissed. FUCK. SHIT. UP!
* Yessssss. Sam deserved that.
* lol the dead grandma speaks through an old radio. Wtf 😂
* I’m getting puppy vibes from Callum. A murderous puppy, but a puppy nonetheless.
* “I’ll be watching. If your father tries to keep you, I’ll ensure you escape. I’ll bring you home.” // “Home… I don’t know if I’ve ever really had a home.” // “Home is wherever I can keep you safe.”
* “You should wear a bell so you don’t give me a heart attack.” // “A bell? Like the one’s humans put on their cats?” He tipped his head curiously. “Only if you promise to drag me around on a leash. then I’ll gladly wear your collar.”
* Callum crawling just short circuited my brain 😂
* Who the fuck is hunting Callum?
* Fuck. Lucifer sent his right-hand to speak with Callum. If Lucifer interferes, I’m gonna be pissed.
* I’ve never been more glad for Kent to be dead. He fucking put magic dampening cuffs on Everly!? I need Callum to see them and lose his shit again.
* Wow. She pegged a demon 😏
* Fuck. Who cuffed Callum?! 😩
* So that’s how the book got in the box.
* Fuck Kent for making her strip like that.
* Fuck Mrs. Hadleigh too! Stupid cunt trying to hit Everly. Dumb bitch fucked around and found out.
* Run away, Everly! And go find out what the fuck happened to your demon.
* “Everly is not, and has never been, a mere fascination. She is my reason, my logic. She is my one and only God. Think I’m mad if you wish. There is nothing left for me in this existence except for her, and I would sooner rip myself apart than allow you or any other being to stand in her way.”
* I fucking hate Lucifer.
* Aww, Callum. He doesn’t wanna claim her because he’s afraid for when she dies… but she’s dying right now, so…
* “No matter what it takes. No matter what I must sacrifice. No matter who I must kill. For you, I would burn this world and the next.”
* Lmfao. Poor Everly is trying to find a spell to get rid of the wraiths before they notice her, and fucking Callum slaps the wall to get their attention 😂
* Goddamn. Callum and rope play. I dig it.
* She can shapeshift!
* Awww. Callum is so soft. Sometimes.
* Ugh. Juniper attempting to attack Everly still pisses me off lol.
* Callum is making me interested in rope play now 😂
* “I love you more than life itself, more than my own freedom. For you and you alone, I’ve stayed alive, Everly. For you, I would face everything I ever feared. I’ve lived a thousand lifetimes and I swear I’ve loved you in every one of them.”
* Oh shit… she walked into Hell with Callum. What’s going to happen here..
* So Callum is going to get a piercing for Everly… and not the other way around? Wow. I kind of wanted Everly to get a piercing tho lol.
* She pierced his dick 😂 and got a matching clit piercing in return. Such a brave little witch.
* I’m so glad the council put Lucifer in his place. Jealous fuck.
* What the fuck!!!! It killed her?! And she was pregnant!? You’re fucking lying.
* Oh my god. She was pregnant!
* She lived. She fucking lived 😭
#booktok book review#book review#souls trilogy#soul of a witch#harley laroux#everly hadleigh#everly laverne#callum#dark romance#monster romance#demon romance#demon smut#monster smut
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Had to rush this one to get it out after a busy day today kept me from being able to get started on it sooner.
Day 3's prompt was Attack and I had a little fun with it;;;
As always the Smegtober prompt list is by @a-literal-toaster-wtf
Every now and then there's gotta be something that breaks the monotony of life on Red Dwarf.
Words: 3928
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Life on board Red Dwarf was pretty uneventful these days. The ship was quiet and dead, devoid of the hustle and bustle that used to permeate every last corridor. Gone were the days of sucking up to superiors in the hope of advancing up the ziggurat. There were no superiors anymore – no Frank Todhunter to submit endless complaint reports to about Lister, no Captain Hollister to salute elaborately in front of in the hopes that sheer enthusiasm and dedication would be enough to secure a promotion. There was just about no-one at all, save of course, infuriatingly, for one David Lister, Third Technician – the last living human being, presumably in the entire universe. What a joke that was.
With only Lister as the single lazy, disobedient subordinate beneath him on a ladder that now only had two rungs left, and the only other life form on board being a bizarre humanoid Cat person who kept largely to himself and could hardly be counted on to give a smeg about anything beyond his own personal appearance, the ship was practically being left to run itself.
Sure, Rimmer tried to maintain some sense of discipline and order but with no-one around who actually respected his authority he was largely stuck ordering the skutters around and making demands of the ship’s increasingly absent-minded computer.
In spite of the futility of it all, he was just happy to have some sense of routine he could stick to, a sense of purpose beyond supposedly being ‘entertainment’ for Lister’s sanity’s sake. He mourned the living, breathing corporeal body he had lost 3 million years ago, of course, and the prospects of advancement and attaining officership that had died with him but at the same time there was a small part of him that was at least a little bit relieved to have an excuse not to have to keep trying to sit exams on subjects he couldn’t understand. You couldn’t fail if you couldn’t pick up the pen to sit the exam in the first place, right?
Being a hologram meant that technically he didn’t really need sleep, certainly not in the natural way a living body would need it, but a routine was a routine and even if he didn’t need it, it was good to be able to switch off for a bit and rest before another day of bossing around whoever would listen dawned. That was what he was doing now, lying as he was on the bottom bunk of the old grey bunk room, listening to the maddening sounds of Lister’s snoring emanating from the bunk above.
If he had had solid legs to kick with he would have given the underside of Lister’s bunk a good hard thump and shouted for him to shut the smeg up but in truth it wouldn’t have achieved much. Lister always started snoring again anyway.
He groaned, wishing fervently that he could even bury his head with a pillow to muffle the noise but that again would have required a body that could interact with its surroundings. Arnold Rimmer didn’t have that luxury anymore.
He tried to distract himself with something – anything – to try to help him drift off to sleep and had just about found a method that was beginning to actually work when the little screen on the wall above the washbasin suddenly lit up and the perpetually impassive face of the ship’s computer flickered into view.
“Emergency. There’s an emergency going on,” Holly announced flatly, as though it was the most boring, unimportant news ever, and then waited a beat. “It’s still going on.”
Rimmer’s eyes snapped open and he jerked immediately upright so violently his head momentarily phased disturbingly through the underside of the bunk above. Correcting his position, he swiftly swung his legs round off the bed and turned to stare bewildered and alarmed up at the screen.
“What!?” he cried, already feeling the creeping claws of panic begin to close in around his chest. “What is it? What’s going on?”
Holly regarded him with the same misplaced bored disinterest with which he approached most things.
“It’s an emergency, Arnold,” he said.
“Yes I know that you gimboid!” Rimmer snapped, not at all in the mood for Holly’s impassive, deadpan lack of urgency. “What kind of emergency?”
If Holly had been offended by the insult, he made no attempt to show it.
“A rogue ship has appeared,” he explained simply. “Probably want to loot us for everything we’ve got. They’ve fired a few test shots at us already.”
“Fired a few shots!?” Rimmer echoed, horrified, leaping fully to his feet. “We’re under attack!?”
“That’s usually what being shot at implies isn’t it?”
“Smegging hell…” He dragged his fingers through the tight brown curls of his hair and turned frantically to look at the top bunk to see how Lister was taking the news only to find that its occupant was still sleeping soundly, utterly oblivious to the situation. “Lister!” he hissed, and then when that inevitably had no effect, he leaned in closer and shouted. “Lister, wake up you moron! We’re under attack!”
Lister jerked awake suddenly at the noise, almost toppling straight out of the bunk in surprise before he managed to catch himself just in time. He blinked groggily, confused, and dragged a hand tiredly across his face, peeling one eye open to squint unappreciatively at Rimmer. “Huh? What?” he said intelligently and Rimmer could only roll his eyes in response.
“Some help you are in a crisis…” he muttered, incredulous with exasperation, before leaning forwards to hiss urgently into Lister’s sleep-crumpled face. “Get this through your tiny little brain: We – are – under – attack!”
It took only a moment longer for Rimmer’s words to sink in but when they did, almost instantly Lister snapped to attention, leaping off the top bunk with an athleticism that did not match his physique and fixing Holly with a look of alarm that now perfectly matched Rimmer’s.
“Under attack? Holly ‘s this true?” he asked, grabbing his jacket from where he’d tossed it earlier in the night and pulling it on hurriedly over his bare arms.
Holly nodded solemnly on the screen. “Sure is, Dave, but I’m managing it for now,” he said, a self-satisfied tone of confidence detectable in his voice. “Shields will only hold out for so long though, mind you. Not what they used to be after 3 million years.”
“What are they? More humans?” he asked, curious and hopeful even as he anticipated the more likely response.
“Don’t know,” Holly supplied helpfully. “They didn’t respond to any transmissions I sent out. Maybe not interested in a friendly handshake. Best guess would be rogue droids or something.”
“Or aliens,” Rimmer added, nodding vigorously. “Hostile aliens that’ve come to do weird things to the lot of us.”
Holly regarded him for a moment before nodding along slowly. “Yeah,” he said flatly. “Or that.”
Lister dragged a disbelieving hand across his hair, tangling his fingers in the base of his locs at the back and tugging anxiously. “Smeg…” he breathed helplessly, unsure of his next move. “What can we do? Can we outrun them? Can we fight back?”
Beside him Rimmer clicked his tongue and let out a short, curt, humourless bark of a laugh. “Lister, this is a mining ship not a battle cruiser. How could we possibly hope to fight back? I say we try to lose them somehow. Give them the slip.”
Lister shot him a dubious look and smiled sarcastically. “Oh yeah. Ship the size of a massive city floating through deep space. An easy thing to hide, Rimmer.”
Rimmer’s nostrils flared in indignation and he put one hand on his hip and the gestured expectantly at Lister with the other. “Well do you have any better ideas, dog breath?”
Lister frowned and sucked in his lips, tapping the end of one of his locs against his chin repeatedly. His eyes were darting all around the room rapidly, his mind racing to come up with something but nothing particularly helpful was coming to mind. With no better suggestions forthcoming he conceded that at least for now, Rimmer’s suggestion was better than nothing.
“Can we outspeed them, Hol?”
Holly inclined his head in what was probably intended to be a non-committal shrug. “Well, it’s worth a try, I s’pose. Mind you, I’m not too good with multitasking these days. It’s hard work maintaining the shields and diverting enough power to the thrusters at the same time. Might not cope.”
“Well, it’s all we’ve got so get on with it!” Rimmer snapped, impatient, his entire hologrammatic form feeling like it was about to glitch out from the stress of the situation.
If there was anything that could be done to get this whole mess over with as soon as possible – preferably in a way that did not result in having themselves scattered across the vast expanse of space – he didn’t want to be wasting any more time with useless chit-chat. If the shields really were at risk of imminent failure then time was absolutely of the essence.
Holly didn’t seem to be getting the memo, however. He seemed quite content to sit right where he was and explain in detail the difficulty involved in trying to perform two powerful, energy-draining commands at once whilst also maintaining the rest of Red Dwarf’s vital operational systems, as if there wasn’t currently a major situation taking place that needed dealt with.
“Look,” Lister groaned, aggravated, cutting in before Rimmer could open his mouth to let the inevitable argument ensue. “Let’s just hurry down to the Drive Room and see if there’s anything we can do in there. Maybe we can take some of the strain off Holly by doin’ it manually.”
“You’re a lifesaver, Dave,” Holly said, nodding appreciatively.
“No problem, Hol,” Lister said, waving a hand in acknowledgement as he made his way swiftly out of the room. “Let’s go, Rimmer.”
Rimmer stared stupidly after him, utterly dumbfounded. He didn’t seem to agree with Holly’s assessment of Lister’s capability at all. “What, we’re putting our lives in your hands?” he cried, hurrying after him, gesticulating wildly at the ridiculousness of the situation before pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers and scrunching up his face. “God, we’re doomed.”
Lister sat himself down at one of the control panels and fixed him with a tired, unamused frown.
“Are you gonna stand there complaining or are you gonna do somethin’ to help me out then?”
“What do you expect me to do?” Rimmer cried, holding his arms out and gesturing broadly, pointedly, to himself. “I’m a hologram! I can’t exactly push buttons and flip switches anymore can I?”
“Smeg…” Lister groaned, pressing his fingers into his temple and rubbing irritably. He didn’t have time for Rimmer’s snippy sarcasm right now. There would be plenty of opportunities for him to take offense at Lister forgetting the one little detail of his hologrammatic status later when their lives weren’t at stake. What mattered right now, in the meantime, was actually getting there.
“Right,” he said, defeated, seeing no other alternative option. “Go get the Cat. We need all the hands we can get.”
“The Cat?” Rimmer all but spat derisively, unhelpfully, in response. “What good’s that git going to do? He won’t listen to either of us.”
“He will if he thinks his wardrobe’s about to get blasted to bits.”
Rimmer had to admit he couldn’t argue with that logic. The Cat was a fickle, self-absorbed creature even at the best of times but if he could be relied on for one thing it would be self-preservation (and by extension the preservation of his clothes) and right now, for once, perhaps that would work to their advantage.
“Fine,” Rimmer huffed reluctantly, turning on his heel to hurry off down the corridor. “Anything to get this over with.”
Lister shook his head as he watched him go and then swivelled round on the chair, turning his attention back to the confusing array of screens and buttons before him, each one more incomprehensible than the one before it.
He squinted, perplexed, at one screen in particular before glancing at another and then back to the first again, brows knitting together in a frown. Something was odd.
“Where are they, Hol?” he asked, tapping a few buttons to try to adjust the readouts on one of the screens. “I can’t see anything. Nothin’s showin’ up on the scanners.”
“Well, they’re using a cloaking device of some kind, aren’t they?” Holly replied stolidly and matter-of-factly, as though it was a perfectly obvious answer. “Gone invisible. Don’t worry, though, I’ve got ‘em.”
The furrowed crease in Lister’s brow only deepened further as he continued to frown down at the console, casting his gaze repeatedly across the energy output data displayed on a small screen to his right.
“I don’t see any power readings for shields or anything else on these screens either…”
“Well, you wouldn’t would you? I’m taking care of all that so you don’t have to.”
Lister straightened up a little in his set, little seeds of doubt sprouting in his mind as he recalled something Rimmer had said earlier about Red Dwarf’s combat capabilities (or lack thereof). Something wasn’t adding up here.
“Hang on,” he said slowly, taking one long final sweeping glance at all the screens in front of him, the beginnings of a knowing yet exhausted smile starting to tug upwards on the corners of his lips. “Red Dwarf doesn’t have any shields does it? This is a load of old tot isn’t it, Hol?”
Holly blinked, an affronted frown creasing his face. “You what?”
The grin blossomed further across Lister’s face as he fixed Holly with a simultaneously amused and accusatory look. “This is another joke,” he said, this time with absolute certainty. “You’re playing us for fools again!”
Holly’s usually impassive features crumpled into something that looked positively scandalised. “I resent that accusation, Dave,” he said, offended. “I’m a highly intelligent supercomputer, utterly dedicated to the wellbeing of my crew and the running of the—”
“It’s true though isn’t it?” Lister cut him off, mouth splitting open now in a toothy, gerbil-like grin, the brown of his eyes twinkling in triumph.
He watched, victorious, as a look of defeated realisation flashed across Holly’s eyes and he knew then for sure that he had him read like an open book.
Holly dropped the offended act and his mouth quirked upwards into in impish, conspiratorial smile, how own eyes positively gleaming with mischief.
“I had you there for a minute though, didn’t I?”
“Smegging hell, Holly,” Lister breathed, dropping his head back onto the chair and letting out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a ragged sigh of relief, his whole body growing limp and heavy where he sat, all of that wound up tension and anxiety draining out of him in a sudden rush leaving him feeling thoroughly exhausted. “You nearly gave me a heart attack. What’d you go and do that for?”
“Well it’s a laugh innit?” came the simple deadpan reply.
He laughed in spite of himself, dragging the back of his hand across his forehead and fighting the urge to let himself fully devolve into hysterics. The absurd reality of the situation was sinking in and the ridiculousness of it all was making him feel oddly giddy.
“I’m 3 for 3 now,” Holly went on, sounding very pleased with himself. “An absolute king of japes, I am. No-one can touch me. I am without a doubt the undisputed, undefeated prankster prince.”
Lister simply shook his head and grinned, fully beside himself with disbelief at this point and absolutely not prepared in the slightest for the fallout this was likely to cause.
“Man, Rimmer’s gonna go absolutely spare when he finds out…”
As if right on cue, the hurried, aggravated tones of one Arnold Rimmer came echoing back down the hallway, accompanied by the unmistakable clacking of heeled boots on metal flooring and before long he rounded the corner looking thoroughly harassed, followed closely behind by the Cat, dressed in a fancy satin dressing gown, the decorative sleep mask he’d been wearing pushed up over his forehead, exaggerating the depth of his unamused frown.
“Alright, Lister,” Rimmer said, straightening up and placing his hands on his hips. “I brought the Cat, now what’s happening?”
“This better be worth it!” the Cat snapped petulantly, reaffixing the belt around middle and shooting Rimmer an unappreciative glare. “I was in the middle of an incredible dream! It had stringy things and pretty cat girls and everything!”
“Will you for once try giving a single solitary smeg about something other than yourself?” Rimmer hissed through gritted teeth and before the Cat could open his mouth to make a response Lister waved the both of them quiet.
“It’s alright, guys, you can calm down. Everythin’s fine.”
Rimmer blinked down at him, bemused. “What?” he asked, looking searchingly round at the surrounding screens as though they might stand a better chance at providing him an explanation. “Why? What’s happened? Did we lose them?”
Lister shook his head. “No.”
“No? Then wh—”
“It was a prank.”
“A pr—” Rimmer started, not comprehending and then he faltered altogether.
There was a beat, then, probably no more than a few seconds in length, during which the weight of Lister’s words slowly sank in to Rimmer’s stunned, utterly stupefied mind but when they finally did the resultant expected eruption was absolutely earth shattering.
“A PRANK!?” he bellowed, eyes bulging and nostrils flaring, the hands at his hips curling into tight, white-knuckled fists and bracing themselves furiously at his sides. “This was all just a prank!?”
“Yeah,” Lister said simply, unaffected by the outburst, inclining his head towards Holly’s display monitor. “Another one of Holly’s classic japes. There is no ship, he just made it up.”
Another beat, and then:
“WHAT!?”
Rimmer looked positively wild with anger, as though he was at risk of popping a vein at any moment. His face had darkened and his jaw was set so tight that any other man might have crushed his own teeth to dust from the pressure his whole body was brimming with.
He whipped his head round to scowl furiously at Holly’s inane, smiling face, his own contorted expression absolutely incandescent with rage. “Is this true?”
“Well, it’s a bit of entertainment, isn’t it? You have to admit things get pretty quiet round here most of the time. Can’t blame me for wanting to have a bit of fun every now and then.”
Rimmer was reaching apoplectic levels of rage by now. He didn’t know what to say. For the last several frantic moments he had been practically vibrating with panic, fearful for his life (or what amounted to one for him these days) and now he was being told it was all just a joke, just another deeply unfunny prank being played on them all by the world’s most deadpan sadist.
“You— You—!” he struggled uselessly to string together enough coherent words to formulate an insult before ultimately giving it up as a bad job. There simply wasn’t an insult specific enough to cover this.
He breathed out roughly, in one long, ragged, forceful breath and then he brought a hand up to massage the bridge of his nose and tried to will the anger to subside before it made him too dizzy to stand. “I really hate you sometimes, Holly…” he said eventually in a small, exhausted, utterly defeated voice. “I really, really do.”
Throughout all of this, as Rimmer progressed rapidly through the several stages of processing this whole mess, the Cat stood to the side shaking his head in disbelief and rolling his eyes.
“You mean to tell me you fools woke me up from my beauty sleep over some silly prank? I thought there was supposed to be an actual emergency! Now I gotta start my sleeping routine all over again! That is the last time I ever take orders from Goalpost-Head over here.”
With that, he turned promptly on his heel and made his way out, leaving Lister alone with a thoroughly despondent Rimmer who had by now sunk down shakily into a nearby chair and dropped his head in his hands.
“I don’t believe this,” he muttered into his palms, voice coming out muffled and muted. “I’m trapped on a floating rust bucket in the middle of deep space surrounded by children… If Hell exists this must be what it’s like…”
Lister regarded him with a raised eyebrow and a lop-sided, commiserative smile for a moment, equal parts sympathetic and exasperated. Sure, Holly’s little joke had given them all quite the scare but it wasn’t like he hadn’t pulled something similar before. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for Holly to pull some decidedly unfunny practical joke to keep things interesting every now and again. Regardless of how well it was executed, it certainly staved of the worst of the boredom, of that there was no doubt.
An involuntary yawn ripped its way out of Lister’s mouth and he raised his arms up and arched his back away from the chair, pushing into the stretch. Now that the adrenaline rush from the initial panic had long-since subsided, he was well and truly ready to do nothing more than to clamber back up into his bunk and go back to sleep for a good several hours, and provided no actual emergencies decided to present themselves any time soon that was precisely what he intended to do.
Pushing off tiredly to his feet, he wobbled unsteadily on the spot for a moment before bending down to reach for Rimmer’s shoulder, intending simply to gingerly tap him to get his attention, but when his fingers inevitably passed straight through him instead of connecting with solid matter he jerked his hand back as though he’d been burnt and scowled down at it, inwardly cursing himself once again for forgetting that Rimmer couldn’t be touched. He was still getting used to that it seemed.
“Hey,” he said, opting instead for the only other available method of getting his attention, his voice dropping to something gentle and encouraging. “Let’s go back to sleep, eh?”
Rimmer lifted his head slowly and scowled miserably up at him, his eyes dark and hard, but Lister could see that there wasn’t any real fight left in him. Inclining his head towards the Drive Room exit, he indicated for Rimmer to follow him. “I dunno about you, but I could do with a lie in,” he said half through a second interrupting yawn.
Rimmer rolled his eyes. “You always have a lie in,” he said flatly, straightening up slightly, the faintest beginnings of a sarcastic smile beginning to pull on his lips. “You don’t know how to do anything else.”
Lister threw an impish grin back at him. “Yeah, but I’m thinking of making this one a marathon lie in. See if I can break me old record.”
Rimmer huffed a laugh in spite of himself, in spite of how utterly drained and exhausted he felt, and Lister felt a small warm swell of triumph bloom in his chest at that little victory.
Getting to his feet and following Lister to the exit and out into the corridor that led back to their shared sleeping quarters, Rimmer quietly, privately, conceded that maybe, just maybe, a lie in after all this sounded pretty good right about now.
#it's after 4am and I havent read this one back bc I just wanted to get it done and out so it might be a little messy#smegtober2023#when this month is all over I'll maybe get round to tidying up some of these if i feel they need it;;
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just to offer a different opinion to the other anon who thought doc was gaslighting joel about the whole tommy situation…. we have to remember that they weren’t just regular broken up exes like they were when joel broke up w her pre-outbreak. he straight up hated her (or at least acted like he did) and told her multiple times that he wished he never met her and never wanted to see her again. in my mind, that behavior dissolves any and all claim you have over someone, even to those who would normally be off-limits (i.e. family members). doc was absolutely in the right in that conversation imo. honestly, joel should be on his knees thanking doc for even looking in his general direction atp after the way he treated her all those years.
i get it that dating the family members of exes is weird (and if doc and tommy got together in an AU where the outbreak didn’t happen and sarah didn’t die, i would be more on joel’s side) but in this universe, with the way joel treated her, honestly he has zero right to be mad at her for anything (though i get why he was, bc the real emotion behind his outburst was probably just jealousy and anger at himself for not getting his shit together sooner). that’s my take on it 🤷🏻♀️
Hi Bestie!
Another view on the Doc/Joel convo about Tommy!
This is a little more in line with how I approached the Doc/Tommy relationship from a writing perspective (which doesn't necessarily mean it's the right interpretation! However it came off to you is right for you!)
Another part of this, Doc is so fucking wrecked by EVERYTHING with the outbreak and Joel and really only has Andrew to rely on for support and Andrew had Jess. Doc didn't want to pull him away from the life he was making for himself by bogging him down in her shit. She was lonely and just a very broken person - she couldn't even come around to the idea of trying to date someone after Joel she was so devastated by him and she internalized all of it because she had no outlet. Tommy knew all of these really devastating things so she wouldn't need to explain it, was kind to her, wanted her and was so willing to go along with whatever she needed that he felt supremely safe.
Even if Joel was THAT cruel to her in a breakup in a no-outbreak scenario, she wouldn't have dated Tommy because she wouldn't have been so fragile. She would have had support (Cass, Louisa), she wouldn't have survived everything she had to get to that point so she wouldn't have the same trauma. Tommy would have been totally off the table, even if he put the moves on her. It'd have taken her a while but she'd have found a Derek or a Brad on her own within a few months and kinda-sorta moved on. At least to the extent of having a somewhat fulfilling relationship with him if not being head over heels in love with him. The Tommy/Doc situation was one that came about only because everyone was so fucked up from trauma and Joel's reaction to it was to lash out to force distance between him and the person he loved most and Doc's was to self destruct.
All that being said, I don't blame Joel for being pissed about it. Especially since he directs his anger at Tommy and not Doc. I think he understands how much he hurt Doc (not that he wants to think about that, he'd much rather dodge that thought as much as possible) but he's like "WTF Tommy I didn't do anything to you fuck you."
ANYWAY! That's part of my thesis on the Joel/Doc/Tommy situation lmfao I could talk about this all day because there were LAYERS to me planning out that relationship lol LAYERS Y'ALL
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This was my outfit yesterday! I feel very self-conscious about this aspect of myself. Going to Cornell was not easy, and it makes people both under- and overestimate me. I absolutely hate it. But also, it has really helped me so much and I acknowledge the privilege.
In 9th grade, I told my plaver (<7 always) that I wanted to go to Cornell… my parents wanted me to go college, preferably a top tier one. We were lower middle-class at best because of poor money management, unstable mental health, and the challenge of cultural assimilation into a new country (something ny parents still have trouble with (not judging)). Money was always tight and especially after my brother was born and especially when my dad had a stroke in high school.
So I was trained by my mother to push myself to excel in every subject, even if I didn’t like it.
I did ok. I did enough to get me into Cornell but I had a hard time internalizing much of the knowledge I accrued or forced in my brain. Often, I felt like I couldn’t understand why I knew something - I just knew it because I had to know it.
I had constant anxiety and SI. In addition to several undiagnosed and unmanaged chronic pain issues. And crippling depression (my parents asserted that if anyone found out I was depressed or sought mental health care then I would not get into college… or even have friends).
I got into Cornell in my senior year (lol I guess this is the timeline) and I was incredibly sick. My trauma was catching up to me. My hs ex was incredibly abusive. My parents, even more so. There was *something* going on with my brother but no one listened to me, and I’m still mad about that. I wish he had gotten into treatment sooner.
I missed more than half the days of my senior year in high school. I had migraines, extreme pelvic pain, and… near crippling fear/anxiety/depression. And most doctors didn’t really believe me. My school? Wayzata High School?? Well on behalf of the now-politician, Ginny Klevorn, white suburban mom™️ extraordinaire INSISTED that I needed consequences (despite me basically making up all my homework and exams) … so they gave me straight Fs for one of the quarters in high school. But they did make my parents take me to therapy until I graduated - too bad that my first therapist was also abusive and was later fired.
I was furious.
I worked my ass off to my detriment to attempt to do as well as my other over-achieving peers. I definitely wasn’t learning - I swear that I didn’t know what I was doing half of the time. I didn’t have a lot of money or resources either - we just got creative most of the time. I just had to get good grades and do a million extracurriculars and volunteer and learn how to drive and come up with excuses about my behavior and play the violin and deal with abuse and pain. I was definitely not the best student but it was good enough. Four Fs would ruin all that though.
I got in anyway because I incorporated it (and my immigrant upbringing - I think that was the trend back then, oof) into my essays… I got a sizable financial aid package. And I visited and accepted.
And then I went and was so severely depressed and in bladder pain the whole time that I ended up with a 2.99 GPA, more trauma, maladaptive behaviors, no idea what I wanted to do in my life but applied to UMich’s MPH program on a whim and someone took a chance on me. And the Cornell degree.
I did work hard but… Cornell was traumatic. It’s really not ok that we are known for suicides and general bleakness. The “easiest Ivy to get into, hardest one to get out of” or whatever? Fuck that - I saw grown adults crying or majorly stressed out because they might be put on probation or cast out of the engineering degrees. Or the level of absolute corporal punishment of students using the answer manual to finish homework and then they all had to go to a hearing?? And you could have some permanent mark on your record? Wtf? Do you remember that? It was a witch hunt and also extremely unreasonable. I felt like I and so many other people I knew were constantly on edge.
My urologist in Ithaca also FUCKING SUCKED. He did this weird procedure trying to literally stretch out my urethra with rods… and I got so much worse. He slut-shamed me constantly. He was the only specialist in the area - and not specialist in my conditions. I think I was his only regular AFAB patient!
And I got my first back hernia at Cornell.
And a devastating friendship breakup that I will never truly understand. I was so lonely for a while.
But the wines class was good.
I met amazing people there, and I’ve had unforgettable experiences. My best friends were from there. I did learn how much I couldn’t learn, and I taught myself how and did really well in grad school.
And now it helps in job interviews and stuff. And makes people (read: me) think I’m elitist. Yay.
And yeah - I think college and then ending up with 5 degrees is one hell of a trauma response.
#Cornell#cornellclassof2012#engineering#abuse#systemic ableism#ableism#illness#mental health#childhood abuse#trauma#harm#neurodivergence#college
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top 5 movies :) OR top 5 songs
top 5 songs bc i dont watch many movies!! and uhh to narrow it down ill do vocaloid songs bc theyre what ive been listening to a lot today!
1 biohazard - crusher-p + mystsaphyr (i really like the one using big al so thats what im linking, but the original and remaster are both good!!)
2 palette - yuyoyuppe (IT WAS SO HARD TO JUST PICK ONE but honestly i just love lukas voice and how good it sounds here!! and the music is really awesome too!!)
3 rats died - p.i.n.a. (this song and video are a little weird and i think that rules)
4 puzzle - circus-p (this song makes me so happy and motivated :] and the video is super cute!!)
5 help yourself to seconds - powapowap (i really love how mikus voice is used here and the song hits rly close to home for me)
honorary mentions under the cut because my vocaloid playlist is long as fuck and i like to talk about music
whatever, whatever, whatever by neru i loop this one a lot and i find it really relatable, i wish i had found it sooner!!
six trillion years and an overnight story, but specifically the eng cover by joydreamer. ive liked this since i was like 10 so its nostalgic for me. i also really like ia, i just now realized its a song that typically uses her wtf :D
whatever yama says goes - pinocchio-p when i was looking this one up to link it i noticed someone made a homestuck animation to it and im so intrigued. the thumbnail is vriska. but anyways this song is really catchy and interesting to me and i draw while listening to it a lot
god mistook my gender. - slave.v-v-r gender <- doing the looking at hand komaeda sprite pose
love love nightmare - nantoka-p , francium <- nothing to add to these ones. I like them
also im like. obsessed with the drv3 songs that mcki robyns-p has made especially perfect fiction and hiding from the truth (and kaedes song, killing harmony, but it mades me sad :[ i like kaedes)
#ask#ask game#this took me several hours to answer because i was listening to so much music to narrow this all down. i have 18 youtube tabs open rn. help#anyways uhhh yeah :] i downloaded the utau program today and im learning how to use it and make music so vocaloid n stuff is on the mind#also if i hadnt narrowed it down to this specific genre please know this post would be like 3 miles long. i like whjen theres noises !
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Now Or Never
[Part 3]
“Why did you leave so fast?” It was past midnight when I stood in front of Seo-jun’s door.
“Bora!”
“Can I come in?” He hesitated but stepped aside anyway. I entered his home and Seo-jun led me to his living room, told me to stay put while he went to the kitchen to make some tea.
“Listen, I love my friends. But they’re just that, friends! And yes, I admit it, sometimes I get influenced by what they say or think about a certain guy I’m seeing but that all stops. It stops tonight!”
“Have you talked to him?”
“No. Because he’s not my top priority. You are! I wanted to talk to you first. I’ll talk to Jay tomorrow.”
“Bora ...”
“I really like us. I think this is heading somewhere, don’t you think?”
“I do, but-”
“No buts! No doubts. I’m telling you, you have no reason to feel threatened by anyone of my friends! If they don’t agree with who I’m in a relationship with, I don’t want their friendship!”
“You don’t mean that!”
“I do! I mean that! In fact, let me call Jay right away.” I took out my phone dialing his number. Luckily, he was in the studio, so I told him I had to see him and that I was coming over.
“Do you want me to go with you!”
“No, I’ll be fine. Meet you back here in a bit?”
“I’ll wait!” He leaned down and gave me a kiss.
Smiling, I pecked his lips too before I walked out the door.
Unfortunately, Jay wasn’t by himself in the studio, or maybe it was better this way.
“Where’s the fire?” Ph-1 asked jokingly.
“I wanted to talk to you. All of you. About tonight.”
“Oh oh.” Gray added, probably sensing where the conversation was going.
“What happened while I was away? Why did Seo-jun leave so suddenly?”
“What makes you think it was us?” Gray asked, looking over to Jay.
“Just a hunch. So? What happened?”
“Nothing.” Jay spoke for the first time, sounding irritated.
I realized they wouldn’t talk on their own so I took it upon me to speak. After all I was the one who had something to say.
“Seo-jun and I are in a relationship. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better! If you really care about me, I assume you’ll be happy for me. If not, we’ll, that’s not my problem!”
“We just want to make sure he’s a good guy.” Ph-1 said in their defence, earning a chuckle from me.
“You didn’t even talk to him, didn’t even asked him one thing, anything!
Listen, I care about you but if you make me choose, I choose Seo-jun! If you’re really my friends you’ll try and get along with him. Please! For my sake.”
I wrapped up my monologue, wished everyone a good night and left. The ball was now in their corner.
Satisfied, I arrived at Seo-Jin’s place, happy to find him waiting for me outside.
“How did it go?”
“Said what I had to say and since no one protested I assume they understood I’m serious!”
“I must say I like the fact that you’re fierce. Come on, I’ll pour us two glasses of wine and put on some music!”
But the peace didn’t last long. Soon Jay started dating someone, someone who’d flirt with Seo-jun every chance she got.
“Don’t you mind?” I asked Jay once when his female friend was absent.
“We’re just casually dating, she can flirt with other men. I flirt with other women too.”
“Whatever.”
From then on I asked around if Jay and his date would join any group activities before Seo-jun and I joined.
“I really don’t mind, babe.” Seo-jun had once said confidently.
“It’s just so wrong. Like, wtf? How can he not care that she’s flirting with other guys? He said he’s flirting too but I never saw him flirting with anyone else.”
“Does it bother you?” He asked carefully.
“Absolutely not. But as a friend I don’t want him to be made a fool by some woman.”
“You’re a good friend.”
A week later I met my friends for drinks and fried chicken. Seo-jun was on a business trip and Kiseok assured me that Jay wasn’t coming.
To my surprise he was the first one I saw sitting at the table. His female friend was nowhere to be found. It was a nice evening except for the fact that Jay was constantly looking my way. I was feeling slightly uncomfortable but then remembered that he was still a friend and I would treat him as such.
“How come you’re by yourself tonight?”
“What about you?” He asked instead.
“Seo-jun is out of town on business.”
He nodded, downing his somaek, then proceeded to talk to a girl at the end of the table. I didn’t know her but assumed she was someone’s date.
“Who is she?” I asked Kiseok, my gaze pointing to the stranger.
“Backup.” He answered with a meaningful look.
“I better go.”
“Why? Is it making you uncomfortable?”
“The fact that Jay forces himself to chat up some random chick because he thinks that it gets on my nerves? Yes, it’s making me very uncomfortable. If I go now at least he won’t have to keep pretending for long.” I said, shaking my head.
While waiting for the taxi, I texted Seo-jun, glad I had someone to come home to.
Hurry back! I already miss you too much.
#h1ghrmusic#h1ghrgang#Jay Park#MORE VISION#more soju please#khh imagines#aomg scenarios#aomgofficial#aomg imagines#jay park AOMG#AOMG#aomg jay park#park jaebum#park jaebeom#park jaybum#jay park scenarios#Jay Park fanfic#jay park imagines
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(captions~)
- After beating up two gyms, Nemona, a titan, and Giacomo (who I kept accidentally calling Giancarlo... Sorry!) I decided it was time for Look #3 for Paldean Skye! I like droopy eyes more, and I wanted to be able to wear hats again. Big boots are also fun~
- After beating Iono Skye had to tell yet another person that she didn’t want to be a Champ before returning Kofu’s wallet and breeding some more mons for the ‘dex. (I want all forms of flabebe-florges and im still missing all the orange ones...) The cheese slice on the far left there clipped through the lower bread slice, lol. Oh, and I finally realized the Notices menu keeps track of your sandwich powers... I feel dumb for not noticing that sooner, ugh.
...Then I checked the post-Badge #3 classes and realized I unlocked Mid-terms, nooo!!
pic 1: dec 17th: "I can't wait to see the face you make when I kick your shit in!" ...I wish she was fake, but I know she's not. (Well, I don't know that bc I'm still avoiding story spoilers...)
pic 2: Babe, you blind? That's the blurriest display I've even seen, and... what the fuck did you do to the keyboard??
pic 3: OMG, my second favorite Kanto bug... Can't wait to ramble about Venonat with this guy. (I'm not going back to Badges for a while, probably...)
pic 4: I decided to change up the eye and eyelash shape this time! Too bad this is the closest I can get to being a bangs girl...
pic 5: Yup, I'm rocking the black and white ribs backpack, heh! This puffy hat cost 26k, wtf... :(
pic 6: dec 18th: the desert sure is filled with dust, holy shit???
pic 7: ...Would this be harder to spot in his Scarlet outfit, when he has a red jacket?
pic 8: "I already told Mr. Hassel NO. I'm only getting badges so my Pokemon obey me!" Skye grumbled.
pic 9: "...Well then," the woman frowned, displeased.
pic 10: Finally decided to look at the sandwiches I unlocked (haven't picnic'd since i started getting badges) and found this egg power one, but I thought there would be more cheese and bananas. bad bites...
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Secrets NOT Worth Holding
PROMPT: After hearing some news that sounds like Charles doing, Y/N storms back into camp to question him. He doesn’t easily give up the information, so Y/N tries a different approach.
PAIRING: Charles x Reader
TYPE: Male x Female Reader
WRITING: borderline smut? It gets steamy for sure.
WARNINGS: Suggestive.
WORD COUNT: 0.4k
NOTES:
AHHH 150 NOTES?? WTF YALL THANK YOU!! I also had this idea stuck in my head for awhile. ONCE AGAIN, found this prompt on instagram!! I also wanna let yall know that REQs ARE OPEN! Request anything you want, and 9/10 I will write it. I might come out with a prompt list sooner or later.
“Charles! Where are you?” Y/N calls. Hearing rustling noises, she turns around and sees Charles in his tent.
“Over here dear, is there something wrong?” He lifts the tent flap, letting you in.
“I heard some… chatter during my walk in the city.”
Charles plops on his bed and rubs his neck. “What type of gossip did you hear from the city, half of it is nonsense anyways.”
Y/N huffs and crosses her arms.
“I heard that someone killed a pair of bison hunters, now normally I wouldn’t assume every dead body is from you guys, but this one felt a little… familiar.” She lingers on the last word, side-eyeing Charles.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about sweetpea. I’m not the only one who dislikes bison hunters.” He responded, picking up his gun and started to clean it.
“Y’know, you always kept your hands occupied when you had something to hide.”
Charles flinched “I haven’t cleaned my rifle in days, and I planned to clean it today anyways.”
Y/N had enough of him dodging answers. She knew it was a 90% chance that Charles shot the bison hunters. She wasn’t even upset, just wished he did the job a little more discreetly.
If regular questioning isn’t working, Y/N is gonna get the information out of him, her style.
She slides her hand onto Charles shoulder, leaning close into his ear, making his breath hitch.
“I’m not mad love, just tell me if you did it or not.”
He chuckles, before whispering back “Still don’t know what you’re talking about dear.”
That stubborn idiot.
“I’m sure you do.” She mumbles back.
Y/N kissed his neck, her lipstick staining his skin. She makes her way to the collarbone causing Charles to grip her dress while biting his lip. Smiling, she sneaks her hand under his shirt and runs her nails along his back, eliciting a moan from the man.
“So, it was you who killed the bison hunters hmm?” she questions again, biting his earlobe.
Charles was in a daze, skin on fire and every thought turned into mush. He mumbles a yes before burying his head onto her shoulder.
Y/N laughs, and runs her hand through his hair.
“Now that wasn’t so hard was it love?”
Charles didn’t lift his head out of embarrassment, knowing that all it took was a few kisses for him to let down his defenses.
#rdr2#rdr2 charles#charles smith x reader#charles smith x Y/N#charles x reader#charles x Y/N#im so down bad for him wtf#rdr2 writing#Charles Smith#writing#writers on tumblr#y/n#borderline smut??#suggestive#red dead redemption 2#THIS PROMPT WAS SO GOOD SO GLAD FOR INSTA#CHARLESS!!!#short#does anything for his GF#nukabrain
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[P]raise || P.S
[ꜱᴇxᴜᴀʟ ᴇɴᴄʏᴄʟᴏᴘᴇᴅɪᴀ - ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ P]
Summary: Everyone gets distracted in class every so often, but not everyone is as lucky to have a hot professor to be distracted by.
Pairing: DILF!Park Seonghwa x female!reader
Words: as many as I fucking want to wtf
Genre: Smut
⚠ alcohol, unprotected sex ⚠
You felt something hit the back of your head and snapped out of your daydream. You looked at the floor to find the tap of a pen you recognized all too well.
"Fuck you whore." You mouthed, as you turned around to throw the item back at your friend.
"Read the note that fell on the ground!" They whispered (rather loudly).
You looked at the ground once more to find a crumpled-up piece of paper. You considered leaving it on the ground, purely to piss them off, but you were afraid it was some stupid shit that would cause a poor cleaning lady a severe trauma, so you picked it up.
If you keep daydreaming about the man you're not passing this class
xoxo
You crumpled it up again and stuffed it in your pocket. Was it that obvious you were eating him up with your eyes? I mean, how could you not, your professor was literally everyone's wet dream: tiny waist, nice ass, wide shoulders, slick jawline, and dark eyes that put anyone in that class into place. God, you wished he'd put you into place.
Your gazes met for a split second while you were imagining all that, and you immediately looked away. Would that make you weird? I mean, he's teaching a class of course you should be looking at him. Would he think you were thinking something weird by averting your gaze?
Before you could keep overthinking, his voice along with chairs being dragged on the floor took your attention.
"Alright everyone I need to pick up my daughter from school a little earlier today so you're dismissed, see you Friday."
He sighed and placed one hand on his hip, as another brushed his hair back.
That was another thing about Park Seonghwa: his daughter. She had visited the university once and all of the students (and teachers) were sad to find he had a daughter because usually, a child came with a partner. But after some pushy (and borderline disrespectful questions) that left the teacher feeling quite uncomfortable and uneasy at the time, the university found out that he wasn't married, had never been married, and was single. When he was younger his girlfriend at the time got pregnant. He was overjoyed, but her not so much... The disagreement over the baby caused a huge fight between the two and the relationship would never be fixed, but he begged her to have the baby and so she did. Afterward, she left him and his daughter and fled to God knows where. By the looks of it, he hadn't been too heartbroken, all he cared to know was that his baby was safe and healthy in his arms.
Of course, the whole 'loving single dad' scenario was another thing that made everyone's hearts melt, especially when he came to the university with her, hand in hand, wearing her sparkly backpack unicorn over one shoulder, whenever there were no classes.
"Would it be so bad to fail this class? I could see him for one more year..." You commented as you and your friend left the class, stealing one last glance at the eye-candy professor.
"You are desperate."
If looks could kill, your friend would be dead on the ground.
"Don't forget we agreed to go out with my partner and his friends tonight." They warned.
You had completely forgotten, and honestly, you wished they had too.
"I totally forgot I had that... thing."
"Ah, ah, ah," they cut you off "you promised you're going. I don't want to go alone and you already said yes, don't cut yourself out now."
You groaned and hung your head low.
"Fine."
You knew they would give you hell for months if you didn't go, so you thought what the hell, might as well get it over with. Their partner and their friends were kind of a pain in the ass when drinking, so you weren't really excited for the night, but you figured the sooner you went, the quicker it'd be over with.
Once you got to your apartment you decided to take a nap, so you'd survive the night. You knew you'd probably end up having to go home by yourself, since your friend and their partner usually got drunk and horny and went back to their place to fuck, so you'd have to stay awake for a long time without drinking much, and that called for a nap.
You woke up with an annoying ringing sound, that you didn't recognize for a long minute, until you remembered: the party. You sat up in panic, having absolutely no clue what time it was. The room was pitch black, except from the light coming from your phone.
"Where the fuck are you? You were supposed to meet us at my house half an hour ago, I swear to God if you're bailing on us-"
You immediately got up and started getting undressed.
"Yeah yeah I know, I'm running a little late, I'll meet you guys there in like, 40 minutes? See you!"
You gave them no time to reply, as you immediately hung up to get ready. You took a quick shower. You had no time to wash your hair, but you wanted to make sure you at least didn't stink. Not that it made any difference though, inside of bars and clubs you went in smelling like vanilla and flowers and came out smelling of sweat and cigarettes.
You did a quick makeup look (to hide the fact that you had just woken up), fixed your hair as best as possible, put on the cute outfit you thought of while trying to sleep, and left the house. The uber got to your place relatively quickly and you were able to meet your friends right on time.
You had mixed feelings about these ambients... You didn't love having to scream over the music to talk to your friends, or bumping into everyone and having a drink spilled on you every so often, or even the smell, which was arguably the worst. However, it was different. It was a little change to your routine that started becoming boring. The loud music allowed you to hang out and be social without actually having to have tiring small talk, the alcohol allowed you to get loose, and the fun and energy that exuded from the place was a good contrast to the same sad, tired faces you saw every day in the halls. There were good and bad sides to going out but you agreed that letting loose once in a while only did you good.
Your friend told their partner to go grab drinks for everybody, while they dragged you to the dancefloor. When the first song came to an end you were handed two drinks. You held up two fingers and mouthed 'two?', confused.
"Yeah! You didn't come to the pre-party at my house, we're all tipsy already gotta catch up! Down one of them!" Your friend yelled in your ear, over the sound of the booming bass.
You shrugged, there were enough men around you that you knew would take care of you, so you downed one of the drinks. Your group cheered and you smiled and raised the empty glass over your head. As you began drinking the other. And then another, and another, until your arms and legs felt like they moved by themselves. You were bumping into people and dancing like you were alone in the room (but you weren't, and you looked like an idiot).
You took a break from your 'dancing' and fanned yourself. Even though your jacket was long gone, it was still warm, so you tied your hair, and told your group you were going to get a drink.
Before making it to the bar, you bumped into someone.
"Shit I'm sorry- oh hello..." Your tone shifted as soon as you saw the man.
Tall, dark, and handsome, with a soft yet intimidating appearance. His eyes and hair were dark, and his outfit stood out from the other people in the room: the man had light skinny jeans, black combat boots, and a black, short-sleeved button-down with white scribbles and a couple of the buttons undone.
Your body was pushed up against his, and he instinctively placed his hand on your lower back when someone bumped into you from the back, and you were able to see his face clearly. His eyes were wide as if he had seen a ghost.
"Do I know you? Your face is familiar..." You asked.
You squinted your eyes to try to recognize the face, but the room was spinning and all you could make out was that he was handsome and you wanted to do him.
"Uh yes, miss I'm-" He took a deep breath and removed his hand from your back, the alcohol clearly boggling his mind as well "I'm your professor, so yes, my face should be familiar."
Your eyes widened, just like his, as you recognized the sharp features.
"Seonghwa!? I mean- Mr. Park? I'm sorry..."
Those words left your mouth but you didn't mean them, and he knew it.
"Well if you are why are you still hanging onto me?"
He looked down, and he meant to look at the way your hands gripped his shirt, but he didn't miss the way your breasts pressed against him, and for the first time that night a blush that wasn't caused by the alcohol crept on his cheeks.
You looked at your own hands and then back up at him.
"You're right, I'm not."
It was your stupid drunken self-talking, and your sober self was in the back of your mind praying that it wouldn't affect your grade. You gripped his shirt tighter and pressed your thigh against his crotch, feeling something grow hard, slowly.
Seonghwa's alcohol-filled head (and dick) were telling him to go ahead, but the one remaining conscious part of him that wanted to keep his job told him he should stop, and so he grabbed your shoulders and pushed you away, lightly.
"I'm sorry Miss, I should go."
He left you pouting on the dance floor, and you watched as the perfectly built man headed outside.
Seonghwa took a breath of fresh air and brushed his hair back. The man reached for the pockets of his jeans and took out his cigarettes. He didn't smoke, really, only when he was extremely stressed or alone in a night out, which was the case. He didn't want to be a bad influence on his daughter or have her inhaling second-hand smoke, so he tried to keep it minimal. Although the pressure and stress of being a young teacher and a young single father were fucking with his head. Sometimes he wanted to let loose, be a little irresponsible, do things without having to think about the consequences, you know, normal 25-year-old things, enjoying life and being dumb while you still can. But he had responsibilities, and he knew he couldn't do all the things his friends did, including fucking whatever girl he pleased. Seeing all those women who were around his age in class wasn't the easiest task: Seonghwa was no less of a man than others, and he too had urges, but unlike his friends, he couldn't act on them. That was including you. God the way your outfit hugged your figure and exposed just enough was driving him crazy, but he couldn't. He had to remind himself of it, not for the sake of his job.
The man headed back inside. He knew it was probably a bad idea, however, he didn't want to waste away the money he spent on a nanny by going home early. Seonghwa kept his distance from you, drowning the memories of your body and horny eyes in more alcohol.
But as you both kept drinking, the inevitable happened.
It happened in the hallway to the bathroom, the lights were dim and the music was muffled by the thick door. There were red LED lights on the ceiling, giving the room a sort of erotic vibe, and the second your eyes met your brains were too fogged by the lust to think about any consequences.
Seonghwa grabbed your waist and put you against the wall. He spread your legs by pressing his thigh against your crotch and moving it slightly from time to time. The male moaned into the animalistic kiss as your hands gripped his hair.
The teasing way his thigh moved teasingly annoyed you, and you tried rubbing your crotch against his leg, but he held your hips in place. For the first time, he broke the kiss, and looked at you with eyes dark as ever.
"I'm in charge here, you move when I tell you to." His scary demeanor went away as soon as it came, and he began stroking your cheek "You don't want to be a bad girl, do you?"
"No Sir..."
He gripped your face with his right hand, bringing his free one to spank your ass.
"I'll allow you to call me Seonghwa... Just this once."
The man looked around. The people constantly coming in and out of the bathroom gave them no privacy. Seonghwa tsked, annoyed that at the people around him, but not for one second did the thought of leaving this task behind cross his mind.
"Let's take this somewhere more comfortable, yes?" He asked, rubbing your cheek with his thumb.
You simply looked at him, with defenseless eyes, and nodded. And, as he took your hand and got into a cab with the destination being his house, you wondered if you had passed out on the club and this was all a dream. Whether it was or not, you were definitely going to enjoy it.
The professor's house was adorable, small, cozy, very clean, and well decorated, as expected from a man like Seonghwa.
Your heart stopped when you saw a young woman coming down the white wooden stairs of his house.
"Mr. Park you're home ear- oh, you accompanied."
The girl smiled at you, bitterly.
"Yes, Annie thank you so much for tonight, here's uh,-" He shoved his hand on his pocket, hurriedly searching for bills "here's your payment. Have a good night."
The man grabbed your hand and started walking upstairs.
"Sir this is like, at least 50 dollars more than the usual."
"Good night!" He said again, desperately wanting her to fuck off so he could fuck you.
You expected him to get into the bedroom and smash you against the wall, and inside he wanted to do no less, but something stopped him. He lightly closed the door and pressed you against it with his body. His hands played with the skin under your shirt as he kissed your neck.
"I want to fuck you against every single surface on this bedroom and make you scream so loud my neighbors hear, but my kid is sleeping, and as a respectful parent we're gonna have to keep it down, is that okay?" He asked, kissing the spot right below your ear.
You gripped his shirt tight, as he began sucking and biting.
"Yes sir- sorry, Seonghwa..."
He pulled away from your neck and smiled, his dark eyes shining for the first time that night.
"Good girl."
You moaned quietly in his ear as his mouth made its way down your body. He hooked his finger around the hem of your shirt before removing it completely. Your bra was gone as quickly as the shirt, and as his mouth worked around your breasts, his left hand sneakily undid the button and zipper of your pants. You didn't know what to focus on, the way his mouth left sloppy kisses and hickeys on your breasts, or the way his hand slowly made its way inside your panties.
You bit your lip to prevent any sound from coming out of your mouth, but by the way, he moved with such experience, you knew it would be hard. Your hand tangled in his hair once more and tugged on it, causing him to moan against your skin. The sensation of it all just made you want to scream and beg for more, as his fingers sped up the movements on your clit, and the frustration of not being able to do so was building up inside you.
"Shit, please..." You whispered.
Seonghwa ceased all movements, keeping his hand still on your pussy.
"Can't take it anymore princess?" He asked, pausing for a second to see you nod.
His hand moved further into your womanhood, feeling how wet you were. He smirked and placed two fingers by your entrance.
"You're already so wet for me, such a good girl..."
Before you could reply he shoved two fingers in you, slamming his lips against yours in the process to stop you from making any noise. Your moan was muffled by the kiss, and you held his shoulders, trying to keep yourself steady as he fucked you with his fingers at an incredible speed.
He could feel your breathing become faster and the kiss sloppier, and once more he stopped right when you were on edge.
"Why... Why would you do that?" You asked, looking at him with puppy dog eyes.
He tilted his head and smirked.
"Cute." He thought, before removing his shirt.
"I just wanted to prepare you for the big finale princess."
The man picked you up and swung you over his shoulder before setting you down on his bed. Somehow he had managed to spank your ass a couple times in the short distance.
You watched as he stripped from his pants, the bulge in his boxer staring right back at you. You couldn't stop staring at how perfect his body was, even when he hovered above you. You ran your hands down his body, making sure that he was indeed real, and Seonghwa licked his lips and smiled shyly, as a small blush rose to his cheeks, a little embarrassed at how obviously you were checking him out.
He grabbed your chin, and gently lifted it up, so he could catch your lips in his. Every time he kissed you it was the most amazing mixture of romantic, passionate, and intense. You had never felt anything like it and you weren't sure you'd ever feel it again, so you just wrapped your arms around him and enjoyed your time with him.
You could feel his hard cock brushing up against you, and your sneaky hand trailed down his body. Your finger hooked around the waistband of his underwear and pulled it down just enough so you could get a hold of his cock. Seonghwa pulled away, to watch the way you collected his precum on your thumb, and put it on your mouth.
Seonghwa simply smiled and stroked your cheek.
"You look so beautiful..."
You blushed at the compliment, and Seonghwa removed your underwear so smoothly you barely realized. He got his cock fully out of his underwear and ran it across your folds, stopping right by your entrance. Seonghwa held your right hip in place with his hand and looked at you before moving. You gripped the sheets and bit your lip in preparation, before nodding.
He entered you and immediately started snapping his hips against yours at a pace your head couldn't fully register. Seonghwa's eyes darted from the way your tits bounced right in front of him, and your pleasure-filled face.
He himself had a hard time keeping down the noise, only letting a few grunts escape through his gritted teeth.
"Shit you're taking me so well- such a good girl for me, aren't you."
You moaned quietly, and Seonghwa's cock twitched inside you at the sound.
"F-fuck yes! I'm a good girl for you- only for you."
He moved both his hands to hold your waist as he slammed into you harder and faster,
"Shit princess I might not last any longer if you keep talking like that."
Whimpers and moans kept slipping out of your pursed lips and eventually your walls tightened around his cock, finally cumming after being edged twice.
"Such a good girl, doing so good for me, shit-" He stopped himself as he pulled out just in time, cumming all over your stomach.
You cheekily took some with your index finger and put it on your mouth, grinning widely as you did you. Seonghwa, although breathless, bent over, smiled, and pressed a small kiss against your lips, playing with your hair in the process.
"You did so well for me, really well princess."
You let those words sink in as he stood up and quietly grabbed a towel from the bathroom. By the time he came back you had already passed out on his bed, so he cleaned you up softly and joined you in your deep sleep.
When you woke up with a dry mouth and pounding headache there wasn't much you could remember, other than a man hovering over you, doing God's work on your body. But the face on your memory was blurred out, and it only came back to you when you looked to your site, to find your teacher cuddled up to you.
You felt proud that you were able to bag him, but you were also horrified by it. You slid out of his grasp slowly, as to not wake him up, and got dressed as quickly as possible so you could leave the house quietly and hope he didn't remember anything, as you still had a semester and a half to go through.
You were pretty successful in your mission: you were able to get dressed, leave the room and go down the stairs without anyone noticing you. That was, until a little adorable voice sounded behind you, just as your hand was on the doorknob.
"Are you my new mommy?"
Her voice was like an alarm, and as soon as she spoke Seonghwa came running out of his room, causing you and him to make the most awkward eye contact ever. You bolted out of his house without saying anything.
You thanked God it was a holiday and you didn't have to go anywhere, because you felt just like you looked: like shit. Your body felt as if it had been beaten up by a group of people, and your head was pounding. Once you got to your bedroom you washed off all of the stickiness and run down makeup with a hot shower and got into bed. You considered ranting about the amazing night you had with your professor to your best friend, but it was a serious thing that could possibly put his job on the line, so you kept your dreamy night to yourself.
You soon fell back into a deep sleep, and before you realized it, it was Friday, and you had a class with Mr. Park. Oh no.
You lowered your head as soon as you stepped into class, earning a couple of confused looks from your peers. You hoped he hadn't seen you arrive, but he had. And today he was especially aware of your presence.
He was very distracted by your presence, and even when you weren't looking at him, he swore he could feel your burning stare on his back, so he just ordered the class to do exercises.
At some point, you forgot about the whole ordeal and you were so focused on your assignment, that when you raised your hand to ask a question you somehow didn't expect him to answer.
Seonghwa was pretty shocked himself, he was sure you didn't want to interact as much as he didn't, but he had to reply nevertheless.
"Yes, miss Y/N?"
You stopped in your tracks and slowly put your hand down.
"Do we give this back to you by the end of the class or should we just file it and hand it over at the end of the semester with the rest of the assignments?" You asked, your eyes never leaving the paper.
"Uh just leave it on my desk."
You pursed your lips and nodded, you didn't want any other exchange with him but he was still your professor and you didn't was to be rude.
"Thank you, Sir."
"You're welcome prince- Y/N." He caught himself before he finished the sentence, but the slip up caused you to look up at him.
You made eye contact, and both of your rosy cheeks confirmed that you both vividly remembered the previous night.
The rest of the class felt very tense, and it was the longest two hours of your life. After the time had passed, the man dismissed the whole class, with one exception.
"Miss Y/N would you stay back please?"
After everyone left the class, you approached the professor. The cutthroat tension was making you uncomfortable, and you could tell he would have avoided the encounter if he could.
Seonghwa placed one of his hands on his hip, and the other ran through his hair as he sighed. You fiddled with your hands nervously, waiting for him to say something.
"Y/N, about the other night... It was a mistake."
Your shyness passed as quickly as your anger came. You couldn't believe your ears, you couldn't believe this man used the most cliché excuse with you. And on top of that, saying it was a mistake. A mistake! As if the sex hadn't even been good!
"Are you serious? You can say whatever you want right now, you can say we can't do it again, or that we shouldn't do it again or whatever the hell you want but out of the few things I remember from that night your face and the noises you made were some of them and that weren't the noises of someone making a mistake. So don't you stand there and make it seem like you didn't have a good time, 'cause I know damn well you did. I know the consequences of what we did and I get it that we can't continue but don't bullshit me, and don't lie to yourself."
You finished your sentence, looking him in the eye angrily and with your arms crossed in front of his chest.
This bratty behaviour of yours just made him want to bend you over the desk and discipline you back into that good girl he had on his hands the other night.
His eyes turned back into that dark colour they had when you hooked up, and you swear he could eat you alive.
"You're right. It wasn't a mistake and I could, and would, take you on that bed again every day of the week but I don't want to risk my job over booty calls. I have a kid to take care of and that depends on this job."
There was a small silence, both of you got what you needed off of your chest and suddenly the aura wasn't as tense.
"Well," You started, sighing "if you ever need someone to fuck, you know where to find me."
You smiled at him, before starting to walk out, but just as you hand touched the doorknob, you felt a familiar pair of hands hold your waist, and his breath fanning your neck. His hard-on pressed against your ass, and you teased him by wiggling your behind. He groaned in your ear and kissed your neck.
"Maybe just one last time."
#ateez#ateez smut#kpop#kpop smut#seonghwa#ateez scenario#ateez scenarios#seonghwa smut#ateez seonghwa smut#park seonghwa#park seonghwa smut#ateez reactions#ateez masterlist#ateez dom#ateez kink#seonghwa self insert#seonghwa x reader#seonghwa scenario#seonghwa fanfic
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Fireworks
A/n: this is not requested but i needed to write something for me and I always love writing best friend!jisung (this turned out to be hella long btw). Also i just realized this is the 16th jisung fic on my masterlist wtf. Welp happy sweet sixteen jisung.
Tag List: @mini-meanhoe @leggomylino @hanstagrams @desertofdessert @hoes4hoseok @yangomangos @jeonqqin @geminirules @crscendoforsung @mrsunshine999 @jisungsjheekies @hannie-squirrel00 @cotccotc @kodzu-ken @konenichi @yangs-jeongin @binniebutter @skzwriternet
Warnings: cussing probably, lil distressed jisung, alcohol consumption
Word Count: 5.2k
Summary: Y/n and Jisung practically grew up together. Y/n always dreamed of getting her fairytale happy ending. So, Jisung is surprised when she is settling for an all but labeled ‘arranged marriage’ to an asshole that Jisung knows doesn’t love her. Not like he does. Can Jisung convince himself to go after what he really wants and take the risks that come with it? Can Y/n face the facts that what she has wanted has been in front of her all along?
Genre: romance, fluff, angst, non-idol!au, bestfriend!au, friends to lovers!au, wedding crasher!au, Fem Reader
❃
“Please, come today!”
Jisung sighed over the phone. “Y/n. I have no knowledge whatsoever about dresses. Especially wedding dresses! They’re all white! What’s the difference?” I could hear the murmurs of Changbin and Chan on the other side of the line. “See. I will be no help at all!” Despite the negative connotation of his words I could hear the tiny smile in his voice.
“So, we’re meeting outside the shop at five.”
“Y/n, I’m not going.”
“2146 Chyeongsong Ave, got it?”
“Yes, I’ve got it.”
Letting out a happy laugh I hung up on my best friend, sure that his attendance could be accounted for. The wedding was three months away. Jiho, my fiancee, had no desire for a big wedding and it seemed the sooner we were married the happier he would be.
But, I had always dreamed of a magical wedding with hundreds of people watching me marry the man of my dreams. So, we compromised. He said I could plan as big I wedding as I wanted as long as I could get it done in three months and he would pay for it.
Jiho was the son of one of Seoul’s big company presidents. His family was very kind and seemed to welcome me with open arms despite my less than formal upbringing. Jiho grew up in a penthouse apartment and went to the best university in Seoul.
I grew up in a tiny house in the rundown suburbs next door my best friend, Jisung, and busted my ass to get scholarships and pay my way through a cheap college. Jisung was beside me in all the big moments in my life. He was my best friend and I loved him more than anything.
“So, what did he say?”
Sooyoung’s head of curly dark hair popped over the cubicle divider separating our two desks. I laughed and gave her a thumbs up. “You doubted my power of
Jisung persuation?”
“Never. You could convince that boy to run around Gangnam with his shoes on his ears and screaming at the top of his lungs if you wanted to.” Laughing at the thought, I turned back to my computer, desperately watching the minutes tick by before I would get to start searching for my wedding dress.
❃
A slightly chilling breeze blew across the street. Jisung regardless of his lack of enthusiasm on the phone picked me up from work to walk with me to my dress appointment. My mother, other best friend Yuri, and Jiho’s sister Bo Rim were already waiting outside. Everyone greeted us with a smile as we walked up. My arm was looped with Jisung’s and my hand was stuffed in his jacket pocket since it was cold.
My mother smiled and embraced Jisung with a kiss on the cheek before motioning us inside. My entourage and I were quickly greeted by a consultant. “Hi! My name is Hyunsoon, I’ll be your consultant today. You must be the gorgeous bride, Y/n!” She smiled looking me up and down before glancing at my arm linked with the man beside me. “And is this handsome young man your husband-to-be?”
Jisung shook his head dark hair falling in his eyes. A tight smile sat on his lips as he answered the woman. “No, I’m just the best friend. I’m not going to stay for the whole appointment.” She nodded looking at Jisung with new eyes. “I want to be surprised. Regardless, Y/n will look radiant in whatever she chooses.”
After a few questions about my wedding Hyunsoon led me back into a dressing room and my family and friends to a couch with mirrors around it.
“Are you excited for your wedding?” She asked with a kind smile, placing dressing on the wall of the dressing room for me to see.
“You could say that,”
Her brows furrowed. “You don’t sound very excited?” I shrugged and laughed nervously. The dresses she had picked out were very pretty. Sensing I had nothing more to say on the topic she helped me into the first dress.
It was weird to see myself in the garment. I watched her fix the dress with clips so it would fit as it should before looking over to me. The dress was more of a ball gown style. It poofed out just above my hips and was strapless with a sweetheart neckline.
“Do you want to go out and show them?” I nodded and helped her pick up the many layers of tulle skirt. Hearing fabric brush against the ground as we walked out of the hallway, the heads of my entourage turned. Several smiles were seen from my view in the mirror as I stepped up onto the pedestal.
I gazed once again at the dress in the mirror. It was a gorgeous gown; there was no doubt. Feeling ready for their opinion, I turned around to face the peanut gallery. “What do you think?” My mother was quick to gush over the skirt. Bo Rim and Yuri both raved over the shiny beading on the bodice. Mrs. Nam, Jiho’s mother seemed to like it just fine. My eyes fell on Jisung who said nothing. He looked at me, arms crossed and fingers brushing over his bottom lip. “Ji?”
“It’s....nice...”
Struggling not to laugh I replied, “One of the most incredible song writers I know and the only thing he has to say is ‘nice’?” My friend chuckled and his stare raked over the fabric before looking back up at my face.
“It’s not you. You don’t look like you. You look like some frilly puffy marshmallow girl.”
From anyone else the comment would offend but all I could do was laugh. “He’s right this is definitely not me.” Nodding the consultant ushered me back into the dressing room. Five dresses later, nothing felt right and I was beginning to get stressed out. “What do I do, Hyunsoon? Nothing feels right. I’m not feeling those....fireworks.” The beautiful woman looked at me in question. “Sorry, it’s something Jisung and I say to each other. It’s like our wish for the other to find so much happiness that it feels like...actual fireworks.” I explained with a light laugh.
She sat down on the floor with me, moving the short silk robe further over my thigh, a gentle gesture. “Tell me more about your fiancee,” She kept her hand on my knee and rubbed soothing circles on my skin.
“Ummm....well...his name is Nam Jiho. He’s really nice and very very smart. Like holy fuck, he is insanely smart. He spends most of his time at work and he really likes to run as well.”
She looked at me expectantly. “That’s it?” I nodded, a little unsure of what else she wanted me to say. “And you love him?”
“Of course! What kind of a question is that? I’m getting married aren’t I?” Though I smiled, she could tell there was the smallest bit of insecurity. She thought for a minute tapping her fingers softly on my knee.
I felt somewhat lost among the mountains of white fabric scattered about the room. “Okay then! Whose opinion matters the most to you out of everyone you brought with you today?”
“Oh- Jisung. Of course.”
“Tell me about Jisung,”
A hefty sigh left my lips, but a small happy smile soon replaced it. “Jisung is....he’s like....my person you know? Like anytime I need him- even when I don’t need him- he’s always around. We grew up together. He is my everything. I trust him with more than my life. He’s just....Jisung. He is fully himself and unapologetic about it.” Ilaughed recalling thousands and thousands of memories with him. “He is a total asshole. Way too confident. But, he gets really shy sometimes. He’s also very genuine and has the biggest heart. Without Jisung...I wouldn't be who I am today.”
She smiled and pushed herself off the ground. “I will be right back!” Just as she closed the door, Hyunsoon winked over at me and left me alone in the dressing room.
❃
Jisung’s POV
I was beginning to feel restless. Y/n hadn’t come out in at least thirty minutes. My leg was going to bounce off my body at this point. Unable to sit still any longer I pushed myself off the plush couch. It was getting harder and harder to control my heart seeing Y/n walk out in all these gowns knowing she was going to marry another man.
Wandering through the labyrinth-like rows of white frocks, I found myself thinking once again about Y/n. Not bothering to cage my thoughts they ran wild with daydreams of Y/n choosing dresses imagining what I would think of her walking down the aisle. Her smiling at me instead of that asshat, Jiho.
Turning down an obviously dead end, my eyes fell on the mannequin standing in the center of the row. A delicate dress hung on the figure.Tattooed lace around the bodice and down the front of the gown to the hips fading like waves on shore. The back was low and open and my mind filled in the gaps, picturing Y/n’s soft skin laying beneath the fabric. My fingers brushed over the long thin sleeves.
The sound of the a door closing snatched me from the my tantalizing reverie. “Oh- You’re Jisung right?” The woman asked walking closer. I recognized her as the one helping with Y/n’s appointment. I gave her a short nod, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket. “I actually need your help.”
“Anything for Y/n.” The beautiful woman’s brow quirked up and a smile slid onto her painted lips. “I mean....anything...for the bride.”
Her tongue slid over her white teeth. There was so much white around, my head was starting to physically hurt. “Uh huh. Anyway! Y/n basically hates everything not only I have picked, but also everything she’s picked.” I stood waiting for the part where I could possibly help. “She trusts you. She wouldn’t stop talking about you.”
“I’m sorry....I don’t see how-”
“I see you’re looking at dresses. Have you seen one that you like? Maybe....one you would like...on Y/n?” My eyes fell to the floor, glancing over at the mannequin briefly. My quick gaze did not go unnoticed by Y/n’s consultant. “Well...Jisung....don’t you have good taste.” She walked over to dress form and checked the price tag before giving the gown a once over. “Revealing taste too....” She sang with a smirk.
I looked away rubbing the back of my neck, the area feeling very itchy all of a sudden. “I-I- uh...the dress just seems like her. It’s very.....mesmeric. Her.”
“She did say you have a way with words.” Hyunsoon, I think her name was, walked over to one of the racks pushing past dresses until she pulled out one I assumed was in my bestfriend’s size. “Go sit back down! I know she’s going to love this one.”
My head tilted back and I let out a sigh. As much as it pained me, I knew seeing that dress on Y/n and knowing it was ‘the one’ would be it for me. I’d snap and in front of all her family, soon to be and current, I’d confess how much I loved her and that I didn’t want her to marry that dick. I’d ruin what would be her perfect happy ending. Well...in her words....her ‘Moderatley-Happy-Fiancially-Stable Ending’.
“Actually...I’m gonna head out. I know she’s gonna love it. Tell her I hope she gets her fireworks.”
Willinging myself to start moving, I walked past Hyunsoon and towards the door, only stopping once. A glimpse. I caught only a glimpse. The door of Y/n’s dressing room opened and I saw the bright smile on her lips as she looked at the dress being brought to her. “That’s your last look, Han.” I mumbled under my breath. “Now turn around and walk out.”
With every ounce of willpower left in my body, I did.
❃
The TV droned in my rundown apartment. My two closest friends, outside the one I was deeply in love with, were half drunkenly lounged in my tiny living room. I scowled at the television, taking another drink from the bottle in my hand.
“Dude- slow down. That’s like your sixth drink.” The eldest chided, tossing a balled up fast food wrapper at my head.
Ignoring the fellow musician’s advice, I chugged the rest of the beer shooting Chan a look. “Chan let him be. You know what tomorrow is.” Changbin sighed. Turning, I found him hanging off an armchair upside down, scrolling through his phone. It was silent for a while until the inverted boy spoke up again. “I still don’t get why she’s marrying that douchebag.”
Knowing where this conversation was going I escaped to the kitchen, preoccupying myself with grabbing another beer from the fridge. the other two boys paid me no mind and continued the discussion as if I was invisible. Chan’s attention turned back to me as I plopped down next to him on the dusty old couch. “Han, didn’t you say you caught the guy cheating like....multiple times....”
It was true. I had caught Jiho not once, not twice, not even three times, but four times I had got him with other women. Jiho liked to go out to clubs. The scumbag would pretend that he was working late so Y/n would be none the wiser, then he would stay out until three in the morning drinking and getting with random girls he met. The bastard didn’t even have the decency to frequent establishments he knew I wouldn’t be at. My music career was in the dumps lately and I had resorted to DJ-ing at downtown clubs.
That fucking asshole even had the audacity to flirt with other girl while Y/n was around. She had invited me out with the two of them for drinks after a promotion at work. The second she leaves for the bathroom Jiho starts making moves on the waitress. Right in front of me.
“Yeah....well, there’s nothing I can do about it.” On multiple occasions I had tried to tell Y/n about her terrible fiancee. Every time I tried, all I could see was the look of hope on her face. the look that practically begged for me to tell her that Jiho and I were finally getting along. And....I couldn’t do it. I could never do it.
“Boo hoo. Horton hears a bitch ass liar!” Changbin slurred from his awkward position.
“What?”
“That is quite possibly the biggest lie you have ever told.”
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. Chan yanked the beer out of my grip and handed me a water bottle instead. “Oh and what do you suppose I do then?” I managed to get the words out before Chan less than gently shoved the water in my face.
The man beside me sighed and shifted to face me fully. “You love Y/n. Yes or No?”
“Yes.”
“She needs to know that.” I shook my head. No, she did not need to know that. I was not going to be the reason Y/n ruined her chance at a good life. Looking around my apartment I saw nothing but disappointment. Most months it was hard to make rent and I could barely afford to do anything but the bare necessities. She deserved better than what I could give her. “We all know Y/n is only settling. This is definitely not the fairytale ending she always talked about.”
“Chan, there’s no such thing as fairytales. Even Y/n knows that.” Inwardly, I grimaced at my own words. Had Y/n been around to hear those words I would have been slapped upside the head.
“How do you know that? Do you have proof?” Changbin mused, a drunk smile on his face. “Let’s say this is a fairytale. You and Y/n have to be the main characters! The prince and the princess always get to together in the end! Duhhh!”
Even in my sour and depressed mood it was easy to laugh as Changbin slid off the armchair and landed on his head. “He does have a point, Ji.” Chan said, listing his head back onto the couch. Two of his fingers pushed the bottom of the bottle back up towards my face. “You’re the leading man in your own life, dude. Stop acting like the best friend. If you want her go get her.”
My thumb brushed over the grooves in the plastic . The alcohol was quickly clearing out of my system. A numbness filled my body as I contemplated the options put in front of me. Maybe it was time for me to be selfish. Maybe it was time for me to get what I wanted.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself off the sofa and headed for the door.
❃
Thirteen hours. Thirteen hours before my best friend’s wedding and I was walking to her house at two in the morning to confess my feelings for her. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I mumbled under my breath. The view of her parents house was growing closer as I walked down the street. Y/n told me earlier in the week she would be staying there the night before the big day.
Just like so many nights in our teen-dom, a familiar yellow glow from Y/n’s bedroom window illuminated the street below her house. Through the second story window I could see glimpses of movement. For a moment I just stood, doubting all the decisions I made in the last twenty minutes. I could chicken out here. Turn around and go home. She would never know.
Just as I was about to turn around, I was caught in daze by the image in the window. Y/n stepped into view, radient like a new morning. From the little I could see from the street, she was wearing the dress I had picked from the boutique. Her hair was messily pushed back and strands fell in front of her eyes. The glint of the standing mirror flashed across from where she stood. Her beautiful E/c eyes trained on her reflection.
She was breathtaking. My chest got tight just looking at her and a cold sweat was born on my palms. I watched as she rung her hands together, nervously twisting the rings on her fingers; a habit we both shared. Y/n let out a shaky breath before returning her gaze to the looking glass, this time with a smile.
Her delicate fingers reached up and brushed her cheek before they stretched out as if to shake some invisible person’s hand. Her smile grew brighter as she talked to this imaginary person. She laughed and looked truly the happiest I had seen her in a long time.
My eyes fell to the road, scuffing my shoe on the asphalt. She was happy. No matter how badly I wanted her.....there was no way I was going to take that away from her. Y/n’s happiness mattered more than mine. I could find comfort in the knowledge that she would be happy. That she would be taken care of. That she got everything she deserved. Everything I could never give her.
Turning on my heel, the cold air and truth bleeding me sober, I walked back into the city away from my happy ending.
❃
Y/n’s POV
Thirteen hours. Thirteen hours before my wedding and I was questioning everything for absolutely no reason. The rest of my family was long asleep. Yet, here I sat in my wedding dress feeling like everything I was doing, every decision I made.....was wrong. I felt like crying for no reason, my throat refusing to be anything but tight.
Coming to my feet, I smoothed out the gorgeous gown and walked with no purpose until I found myself staring at the mirror on the far side of the room. The girl on the other side of the glass looked like a bride. Why wasn’t I happy with that?
Standing up tall like my mother lectured many times in the past few days, I pursed my lips and put on a pained smile. “Hi, I’m Mrs. Nam Jiho,” The name felt unclean coming from my lips. Tilting my head, I rubbed my face before staring back at my reflection. I sighed pushing back the feeling of tears begging to spill over.
“It’s nice to meet you, my name is Nam Y/n.” I shivered, swallowing the last bit of moisture in my mouth. “Nam....Y/n.....Y/n Nam....Mrs.Nam Y/n.” The more I tried to look at the person who I would become the more I felt like crying. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Mrs. Nam Y/n....” Before I could finish the words I broke into tears. Loud sobs filled my room and all I could do was stare at the hollow shell reflected in my mirror.
My heart ached. The air in the room around me felt heavy, like a weight on my shoulders, pushing me down into the ground. Pushing past the lump in my throat, my eyes returned to the mirror, this time fixating on the photos framing the glass. Pictures of my friends and family.
My heart lifted seeing a photo of Jisung and me. It was an old picture from highschool, probably taken on one of those disposable cameras you could get at corner stores. His school uniform was slightly too big for his then thin frame. My skirt was just a little too long and my shoes were never quite the right size. We were seated on the bleachers outside the school. Jisung sat on the row above me and let me rest between his legs. His arm was wrapped around my shoulders, as he leaned around to kiss my cheek. I was caught in the middle of a laugh and Jisung looked so happy right next to me.
I smiled remembering the day from the printed memory. A friend we both had lost touch with had taken the photo while we weren’t looking. We then got teased for days afterwards. My fingers brushed over the delicate fabric of the dress. The dress that Jisung had chosen. Jisung. Almost every happy moment of my life....was tied to Jisung. Taking a step forward, I looked back in the mirror. Sniffing away the tears, I smiled.
“I’m please to meet you....I’m Mrs. Han Jisung,”
The smile on my face grew bigger and my heart swelled. Reaching up I brushed away the tears that spilled over before holding my hand as if meeting one of the guests at my wedding. “Jisung and I are so pleased you could come to our wedding,”
The feeling in my chest had me wishing to cry all over again but for a different reason. I wanted to jump and scream at the top of my lungs the name ‘Han Y/n’. The more I said it, the more I felt like a teenager again.
All I could think about was Jisung. His dark hair, dyed one too many times, leaving it slightly damaged but somehow still soft. His big, round, doe eyes. The way he told the stupidest jokes. His voice- not just when he sang, but even simply speaking his voice was one of my favorite sounds. Pressing my hands to my cheeks, I pulled away finding them hot.
“Fuck...I’m in love with Jisung.”
❃
“Okay, I need everyone to give me some fucking space!” I shouted, effectively silencing my dressing room. One by one, my maid of honor ushered the ladies out. I let slip one time that I am having second thoughts and all hell breaks loose.
Sitting at the vanity, my head fell into my hands. I was dejected. Confused. And obviously sitting with a pretty big headache. I hadn’t heard from Jisung since the dress appointment and he didn’t answer any of my texts this morning. It was like he was avoiding me. Eyeing the champagne on table I contemplated drinking the whole damn bottle then just going through with the event. As much as I wanted to get married, I didn’t want to do it to someone I didn’t love.
Standing up, I manuevered the champagne filled vessel away from my body and popped it, the sound letting loose a satisfying echo. The bubbly liquid filled the glass flute I picked up. My first sip was interrupted by a knock on the door.
“I told you guys I needed space! Just fuck off!”
Downing the glass, I turned to pour another one. Drunk ceremony was looking like my best option right about now. The click of the dressing room door opening caused my ears to prick up. “I said fuck off-”
“That’s not very nice language coming from the bride.”
Jisung stood in the doorway, hesitant smile on his face. His hair was almost styled, pieces still falling loose over his forehead. A black blazer hung over an untucked slightly wrinkled white dress shirt. His slender hands were shoved in the pockets of his blue jeans.
“Coming from you that’s rich,” He watched me drink in his appearance. “Jeans, Ji? You come to my wedding in jeans and Doc Martens?”
My best friend rubbed the back of his neck, eyes trained on the carpeted floor. “To be honest....I wasn’t sure I was coming at all.”
I blinked, trying to process the words just said to me. My best friend....the man I loved more than anything in the world...said he almost didn’t come to my wedding. “Excuse me?”
“Y/n....we need to talk....”
My chest tightened in anticipation as I watched Jisung close the door. He stayed on the opposite side of the room seemingly nervous or afraid to even look my way. A hint of a smile appeared as I watched Jisung anxiously turn the silver rings around his fingers. “Ji, have you been avoiding me...”
Instead of answering, the man’s eyes fell to the bottle on the vanity. He motioned to it, wordlessly asking for a glass. Stepping away, I allowed him enough room to cross and pour a glass for himself. He downed the flute like a shot almost making me laugh at the similarity between us. “Didn’t you want to get married outside? In a forest if I remember correctly?”
“Don’t change the subject, Jisung.”
“I’m not.” For the first time I felt like Jisung really looked at me. His eyes seemed to soften. Before I could once again appreciate how beguiling his eyes were, they retreated back to their place on the floor. “Y/n....this isn’t you. You deserve a fairytale ending. Your fairytale ending. You don’t deserve a shotgun wedding in some church with nobody watching just waiting for the hour de vours to be passed out.”
“I’m not pregnant. This isn’t a shotgun-”
“Please just let me finish, Y/n....”
Nodding, I leaned against the vanity and watched my friend’s hands brushed through his dark locks. The silver hanging from his ears glinted in the bright fluorescent lighting. “Y/n...Don’t....don’t get married.” He seemed encouraged by my reaction, or lack thereof. “I think about you a little more than I should. A lot more actually. For a long time. Y/n/n, I’ve been in love with you since grade school.”
A familiar lump began to form in my throat and a pit formed in my stomach. Gaining confidence, Jisung’s eyes met mine. “It’s been killing me...seeing you with that asshole. I know you’re happy. I know that you’re better off with him. He can give you everything that I can’t, because you deserve to have a nice house. You deserve to be spoiled with gifts and trips. You deserve to not come home every night and worry whether the rent has been paid.” Jisung stopped and stared at the empty glass in his hands.
“You always talked about fairytales when we were little. Well...my fairytale would just be us. No magic. No princes and princesses. Cause you’re enough for me. More than enough. Y/n, you’re it for me. You’re my fairytale.”
His eyes widened seeing a single tear rolling down my cheek. Before continuing Jisung watched me with shaking hands carefully set the glass flute on the vanity behind me.
“I- I want you to be happy. If you’re happy with Jiho then I will go out into that church and clap when you get hitched. Because, that's what friends fucking do and that I can give you. But...if there is any chance....any part of you...that loves me at all....even a little bit....”
He gulped, fingers ferociously twisting the rings on his right hand. Not many would believe it, but Jisung was shy. Introverted. It was rare to see him like this. Jisung wasn’t afraid or nervous, but more timid or demure. I could almost see his heart physically stop beating as I opened my mouth to speak.
“I’m not happy, Ji.” He blinked, big, brown, doe eyes trying to understand what I meant. “I want to be. But, I can’t be happy with someone I don’t love. I don’t care about the money or the gifts. I just.....want my fireworks. I think you can understand that more than anyone.”
Jisung nodded dejectedly, shoving his hands into the pockets of the blazer that seemed to be holding itself together with only a few threads. He seemed to not understand what I was saying. “I do....understand- I mean. That’s all I want for you. If you can’t be happy with Jiho or me then-”
“Fuck, Ji. You really are dense aren’t you?”
“What?”
Reaching forward, I twisted the collar of Jisung’s slightly unbuttoned shirt and pulled him closer. Before our lips even touched I could feel electricity in the air, sparking and making room hotter. Finally feeling my lips against his sent my stomach on a rollercoaster; twisting, turning, loop de loops, and free falls giving me the greatest feeling spreading to the rest of my body.
The feeling of my fingers sliding up his neck, must have brought Jisung out of whatever shock induced daze he was in. Like second nature his arms wrapped around me, cool hands pressing into the bare skin of my back. There was nothing but fire in my stomach as Jisung dragged his lips over mine at a painstakingly slow pace. The man smiled feeling me pull and tangle my fingers in his soft dark tresses.
“Fireworks?” I asked, pulling away with my bottom lip snagged between my teeth.
“Millions.” Jisung’s thumb brushed over my cheek before he leaned back in capturing my lips in another death defying kiss. “Did you drive here? I took the train.” He mumbled between kisses.
I laughed feeling happier than any moment before in my life. “My car is out back. You’re driving.”
Opening my eyes, I saw that signature smirk my best friend was famous for. For the first time I knew why my insides did flips when it was directed at me. Lacing his fingers with mine he dragged me from the dressing room and led me through the halls as fast as we could run with one of us in a wedding dress. As we reached the car, slamming the doors shut, the bells in the chapel started to ring making the both of us grin. Jisung leaned over, fastening my seatbelt before kissing my lips like they were his only source of air.
“You make quite the gorgeous runaway bride,”
❃
Masterlist
#stray kids imagines#skzwriternet#stayracha#stray kids preferences#stray kids reactions#han jisung imagines#han jisung imagine#han jisung oneshot#han jisung au imagines#han jisung smut#han jisung friends to lovers#jisung imagines#jisung imagine#han jisung#stray kids jisung#han imagines#han jisung fluff#stray kids masterlist#stray kids angst#stray kids scenarios#stray kids fake texts#stray kids au imagines#stray kids incorrect texts#stray kids soulmate au#rubber ducky you're the one#stray kids friends to lovers#han jisung bestfriend au#han jisung wedding au#stray kids wedding au#kpop imagines
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This was Presto’s original concept! They were originally some sort of sona that was like a playable character, explaining why they’re pretty much a mad rat rip-off, they were originally gonna be named “Deranged rabbit” (this also being a rip-off of mad rat’s name lmao).
Their backstory was almost the same with a few changes, in the final concept Presto is abandoned and wanders around until being found and taken to the lab after developing abandonment issues, in the original version they were straight up sold to the lab and held a grudge against humans, wanting to kill them all just because they’re sad one of them abandoned them. The chemicals and the experimentation in the lab also made them go koo-koo.
And while’s Presto’s relationship with mad rat is “You are very determined and nice wtf!!! i feel so safe around you i haven’t felt that way in a long time!!! I wish i had became your friend sooner :(” Mad rat’s relationship with deranged rabbit was basically
Thanks for listening to me ramble about my dumb mad rat dead oc again!!
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the day isym said: i'm gonna fuck shit y'all up
So this is how it ends. I guess I won't be able to let this go sooner, or not ever.
Following the lives of these incredible characters since 2014 had been an astonishing journey for me. And now, we reached the end of one of the most-loved mangas, Attack on Titan/Shingeki No Kyojin—probably the only masterpiece that will touch my heart like this in this lifetime.
What an awful timing it was that chapter 139 arrived at the time I was supposed to be celebrating with my mutuals on exoltwt lol. While, overall, I rate AoT as 11 out of 10, I can't eschew that the culmination has left me qualms and questions unresolved.
Let's start with Armin thanking Eren for his sacrifices for Paradis—which equates to thanking him for committing a global genocide (bro, wtf???). This did not sit right with me, but I'm taking into account that Armin could see there was no easy way out, and that he believes achieving peace requires sacrifices, notwithstanding his altruistic nature and efforts to not completely throw away his humanity.
And I'm also considering the fact that, with the reality Paradis had, bringing off peace without lives being taken was a wishful thinking.
His idealistic worldview clashed with Eren's, and he wasn't able to present a solid resolution 'til the windup. And yet, Armin was still willing to talk things out with his best friend so they could come up with a better plan, without further casualties.
Up until the very end, he wanted PEACE.
I think, this is what makes Armin admirable, contrary to what other readers paint him out to be—weak and useless. He's one of the strongest and skilled characters in AoT imo. He didn't need to be a Titan or an Ackerman. He's innately whip-smart and a natural tactician, making himself a consequential character despite his lacking combat skills.
Weighing up Armin's burdens and the mental load he carries, it hurts to be in his shoes, especially since he's the commander. He's torn between his friend's life and the rest of the world. He took the responsibility of the Rumbling aftermath to shoulder Mikasa's burden and let her live in peace.
And in the end, conflict dragged on, and he ended up with a large obligation to the people.
There were little appearances of Historia, which I initially found a bit absurd since she's among the important characters in the whole series. She didn't say anything, and her pregnancy was for what again? I was disappointed. Her bearing a child held no importance and was a random subplot.
Conversely, amid a slew of readers demanding her clarification on knowing Eren's plans from the get-go, her explanation on the matter would be unnecessary. It seemed to me she has done her part on how the story would play out. And if there was an epilogue or a succeeding set of panels, Historia might've made her comeback since her role as the queen is expected to hugely partake in peace propositions.
And over and above these, the final chapter seemed...rushed? I feel like some panels need to be fleshed out more, such as the whole of Founder Ymir's feelings towards that bitchass abuser Karl Fritz. I was appalled that the root of the sufferings that prolonged for two millennia was because of her martyrdom and servitude to the king and the royal family, which she described as love.
But in reality, without having to chew this over, Ymir didn't really know what true love is. She was a slave since birth, her family was massacred by Karl Fritz, and was impregnated thrice by this murderer who never gave a shit about her. She lived a wretched life, manipulated and abused, and died after jumping in front of the spear to protect the king.
Brought by fear of losing the power of the titan, he made her daughters eat Ymir's flesh and told then to bear many children. Sick fuck.
Then Ymir discovered Mikasa, who she deemed a mirror of her own. The difference, however, is that Mikasa's love for Eren isn't one-sided. And so her greatest desire to be freed from an abusive relationship was accomplished after discovering what real love is through EreMika.
Speaking of Eren, I can understand why plenty of readers condemned him. The guy, who masked himself as a peak tsundere, cold, temperamental bastard, exterminated almost the entire global population, and when asked by Armin his reason, he said he didn't know why, so from here we can assume he neither had a goal behind that warped undertaking nor did it for the greater good.
But Armin is smart, and Eren's silence was a tacit answer. The predicament seemed unsolvable, and wiping 80% of humanity is his last resort to hold off the rest of the world from attacking Paradis.
Taking also into account that he didn't mean to have his mother killed by Dina after rerouting her from Bertholdt. If he didn't, Bertholdt wouldn't end up as the Colossal Titan and Armin wouldn't have eaten him and died along the way.
Bear in mind that Eren believed Armin would save the world, but if he kicked the bucket—and had Eren, who was obviously enslaved by his destiny, altered anything in his memories—would unravel another reality unknown to Eren that could pose a bigger risk.
And the fact that he let the familiar fate dictate him meant opening a door to another door of possibilities of achieving world peace, with Armin taking the lead.
By making himself the bad guy in his story to make his friends be the heroes, the ending suggests that harmony would work out in the end.
In 139, Armin, Reiner, Pieck, Annie, Jean, and Connie were planning to make peace negotiations. And through this, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Levi finally bidding farewell to his comrades bawled my eyes out—this is probably the saddest shit ever AoT has ever done to me, next to Erwin's death. Levi is the last one existing among his original comrades, and it sent a pang to my heart when he did his final salute, wearing a faint smile while wrapped in bandages.
It was not indicated what he'd been doing post-Rumbling. The end of Titans' curse also put an end to the Ackerman bloodline's "awakened power" and above-average human strength, so he's probably a military consultant or mentor, given his amazing contribution as humanity's strongest warrior.
It was also shown he remained in the capital and is with now-grown Falco and Gabi, who both have shown their potential for a military career.
Meanwhile, unlike Levi, Mikasa chose to retire and live in her hometown. While others remark her ending as tragic (I'm guilty of this tbh), her former comrades were on their way to see her and visit Eren's grave next to the tree from their childhood, making her not entirely lonely. I wished she and Armin were in the same multiple frames of the latter panels of the final chapter as they both grieve losing Eren. But given Armin's new and bigger responsibilities for humanity, it's impossible.
EreMika may not be endgame, and I may be bound to perpetual frustration of them never getting the chance to wear their hearts on their sleeves, I am satisfied with the ending—imperfect but fitting. It's actually funny that my feelings got the best of me upon reading the last chapter, and cursed at the story for not ending in absolute peace and bliss, forgetting that AoT had always been a poignant, anxiety-induced, existentialist story, and hinted at a bittersweet finale from the start.
#Hajime Isayama#Attack on Titan#Shingeki No Kyojin#AoT 139#attack on titan#snk#SnK 139#AoT ending#SnK ending#Eren#Armin#Mikasa#Eren Jeager#Eren Yeager#Armin Arlert#Mikasa Ackerman#Levi Ackerman#Levi
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here are my top 10 books of 2021 in no specific order with ratings because even though no one asked, i shall deliver:
the hating game (4.5/5)
a comfort book. it’s just so good and i’ve read it six times already so. something about an office enemies to lovers romance hits different.
today tonight tomorrow (4.5/5)
made me cry because i’m graduating hs this year and it made me feel a lot of things. also neil. kiss me pls.
good omens (4/5)
ugh, so good. aziraphale and crowley are the original blueprints of enemies-to-friends-lovers and i love them with my whole heart. also david tennant, hmu in 3 months <3
the secret history (3.5/5)
love this book with my whole dark academia heart. it took me a long time to get through but ugh 😩 yes. love it and i wish i read it sooner.
circe (4.5/5)
amazing. wonderful. splendid. so beautiful and good and heartbreaking and the way it’s written>>
a thousand splendid suns (5/5)
broke me. in so many ways. still have not recovered.
the night circus (3.5/5)
nah because wtf. who allowed ms erin to use words the way she did? it was so beautifully written and the love story 😩
battle royal (4/5)
SO GOOD. nah because i read this two days ago and wtf. it was so good??? ms lucy parker?? you??? the rivals to lovers 😩 older characters 😩 CAKE BASED ROMANCE?? 😙🤌🏽
the ministry of utmost happiness (5/5)
captivating. a must read. also south asian rep so it automatically slaps. but seriously, read this book.
the raven cycle (series) (4/5)
i do not remember the plot or what really happened, BUT! the found family trope was STRONG in this one. also?? gay rep! and i just love them all so much. i think. from what i remember.
#books#top 10 books#book recommendations#book rec list#book reccs#dark academia#december 2021#i rec all of these books#so read them#or else 💪🏽#hana’s book reccs!
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