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#i was at home getting changed and i was arguing with my sister cuz she kept unlocking the door
tvonq · 2 years
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hate not being able to open my eyes in my dreams
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nattikay · 6 months
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Ok, I just watched the Way of Water deleted scenes from the new Collector's Edition, and there's one thing I just want to get off my chest real quick.
....because I know the Spider fans who already hate Neytiri are going to absolutely flip a gasket when they see the alternate standoff scene.
First: understand that this version of the scene is not canon. It was changed for a reason. The additions seen in it are not part of the finalized canon storyline.
That out of the way:
Yes, the scene was dark. Yes, it would be morally wrong to kill Spider. But if your takeaway is "wow look how much Neytiri personally hates Spider's guts isn't she so terrible and mean and crazy!!", you're looking beyond the mark.
This scene was not about Neytiri and Spider. It was about Neytiri and Quaritch. While it's true that Neytiri and Spider don't have a great relationship, she didn't threaten to kill Spider because she hates Spider. She threatened to kill him because he's Quaritch's son, Quaritch's men had just murdered HER son not even a HOUR ago, and she wanted to put Quaritch through the same hell that his men had just put her through. Hence her repetition of "son for son".
The sky people have taken so much from her, right in front of her eyes: her sister, her father, her ikran, her home (twice), and now her CHILD, her beloved firstborn. That's enough to break just about anyone.
Neytiri was not thinking straight in this scene. She was nowhere near the mental state to make rational decisions or to weigh morality. She was grieving, she was enraged, and all she could focus on was making the sky people suffer the way they made her suffer. Neteyam was one very serious loss too many, and she snapped.
Yes, Spider is innocent in the situation, and if she'd gone through with it that would not have been morally justified. But she's not evil for having a mental breakdown, or for in a moment of rage and grief and pain and desperation threatening extreme actions that she wouldn't normally take; and she's not a permanent psycho who's gonna sit around plotting to randomly attack Spider at some arbitrary point in the future.
Because again, this was not about her issues with Spider. It's about her rage against Quaritch--a rage rubbed raw to bleeding by the pain of losing Neteyam--which Spider unfortunately just so happens to be caught up in the middle of.
That's all. No, I'm not interested in arguing about this, so don't bother. Just wanted to toss it out there before the fans go bonkers cuz I know that's gonna happen :P
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kulekrizpy · 4 months
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my friend/ex was really upset yesterday. his body is all messed up from various injuries, he needs dental work. i told him to call out of work bc he wasn’t going to get any sleep before his shift
he moved near his hometown with some planning but not a lot. he wants to go to school. but he won’t have in-state tuition since he was living in my state prior to moving. he works really hard at work but it’s physical labor and it only makes his health issues worse. he also doesn’t want to move up to a less labor-intensive position :/ he honestly needs to take medical leave
and he’s upset with my brother for various reasons, but last night he was drinking and it all came out and he messaged my brother and my mother about how upset he was about my brother breaking something of mine and not paying in full to replace it. he’s struggling with money on his own and he resents my brother for having a cushy job that he complains about and flouts authority on. in many ways my brother IS entitled and probably WOULD benefit from being punched in the face at least once for his shitty political views, especially bc my ex is genderqueer. but he has definitely not spoken frankly about it with my brother
speaking of which, now he’s in a less accepting place and tho he “toned down the queer” he still gets looks from ppl and it’s stressing him out a lot. he worries about going thru backroads in case his car breaks down and someone kills him
all his friends from back home are druggies or complete deadbeats or both and he’s had a falling out with everyone since he moved. he’s also worried one of his older friends won’t live beyond this year. so now all the friends he does rely on are in my area and not his and he’s very lonely and isolated. and that also means i’m his best friend rn, which he’s told me several times
a week or so ago he wanted to make a risky and illegal change in career and after i told him i wouldn’t have been friends with him anymore if he decided to do it, he told me he still wants to fuck me. when i told him i can’t be casual with him anymore so don’t say that, he said he didn’t say it properly and that he meant he wants to be with me, eventually. and it’s just a whole fucking thing. he can’t even articulate what he wants. i told him not to mention it again unless he was sure and confident he could actually be a good partner to me. and i told him i need time to get over him too
and last night, we were chatting and i realized he’d been drinking, and he’s in a negative spiral/combative. he messaged my family. i told him he should wait til the morning and he did it anyway. at that point i said whatever. the call dragged on for hours tho he needed to sleep for work. he was in such a state i didn’t feel comfortable getting off the phone with him in case he did something very risky, like driving drunk or idk what else. he talked about wanting to lay down on some train tracks…
AND he called me again at work the other day. like. on the work phone. he used to work there but it’s just… not professional. feels weird. esp bc he was doing it cuz he was drunk. told him to text or call my phone next time
he gets drunk and disregards boundaries. bc he also mentioned the dating thing last night while we were talking. and when i told him not to he sidestepped and kept going on about whatever rant. and he just argues abt everything when he’s drunk. DUMB shit. like me taking my bike apart to store it easier. like bruh leave me alone ??
in the end he called out of work, then talked to his sister and i guess she convinced him to drive up instead of doing something dumber. i asked if he was sober enough and he said yeah. which he would’ve said no matter what i’m sure :|
so. he got to his family’s place and i guess i’ll see him today sometime. i told him i don’t want to drink and my brother doesn’t wanna drink with him either, so we’ll avoid that at our house at least
he’s trying, but he’s also falling back on stupid habits. i just hope he can figure out how to get the help he needs
and i need to figure out how to keep my boundaries
the cats woke me up earlier. i need to sleep more before i see him. good night
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awkwardspontaneity · 3 years
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Hello. This is my first request for the Legend of Zelda, so I do not know how to write it correctly. I don't speak English and I'm writing this in a translator, so there may be mistakes here, sorry. In general, I want to see how the reader will react to the fact that Revali, Link and Sidon cheated on her. (something made me feel sad) Thank you in advance ╹▽╹
I'm so sorry something happened to upset you. If it's along the lines of this request give me a name😤👊 anyways thank you so much for requesting!! This ended up being so much longer than I intended but I'm pretty happy with it. I hope this is what you're looking for!
✨ requests are open✨
Warning: angst, cheating
Revali🐦
I think with his prickly nature not a lot of people would stick around long enough to get to know how much he cares
But some bitch saw how much he was training to perfect his powers to help Hyrule and couldn't resist
It started off as bringing him lunches and heat pads after a long day of training and then it escalated
They would wrap his wings up and suddenly he was letting them fix his braids. He never saw it as much more than a fan helping him out but you saw differently
It ended up in a big fight when you finally brought up how Revali was allowing this fan to hang off of him like they were his partner not you. You brought up excellent points like how he took such a long time to even trust you with braiding his hair and that he could at least let them know he's in a relationship.
Revali got upset (probably cuz ur right and he can't admit it) and snapped that at least they appreciated him
Yeah bad move. You walked out and bird brain left to train away the pain
You came across his first and decided to head to the shooting range with some peace snacks but what do you find?
You walk up the slope towards the archery range, a container of Revali's favourite snacks in hand. As you approach you see something sitting inside the hut and assume it's him. Sterling your breath you walk into the hut and what you find takes your breath away- not in the good way either. Revali sat there with his wings wrapped around them, too caught up on their liplock to notice you standing there.
CRASH
The container hits the ground with a shatter, ruining their little scene.
"Y/n-"
"Don't even try it." You wish your voice didn't sound as broken. No matter how much your heart squeezed in pain from the betrayal, you wanted to come off so much different- angrier. Because you were angry. "Just because we have an argument does not give you the right to run off with your new friend."
Revali flinches at the word and you feel a sick glimmer of satisfaction. He opens his mouth to protest, ignoring your glare. "I-I'm sorry." Your glare darkens and he immediately flounders for the right words. "You accused me of something I didn't do-"
Yeah, not the right words. You wish you could do something, anything to hurt him like he hurt you. But you had to be the bigger person no matter how much you wanted to snap that precious bow of his in half.
"I accused you, not have you permission."
"We can work through this, together" his wing reached out to you, but you recoiled to fast.
"We're not together." You walked towards the entrance "I hope it was worth it."
Link 🗡️
Link is a closed off person. Sure he has people worship him for his title as the hero of Hyrule, but he would never let that get to his head. You could tell this boy he's amazing and it still wouldn't get through his insecurities
Maybe it's cruel but, that almost reassured you he would never break your heart like that. You felt secure in your relationship
That's why it was so shocking when you found out he had fallen for Zelda.
It wasn't meant to ever be more than knight and princess. And you never should have found out.
You were walking towards the stables of your party was staying at. It was supposed to be a simple trip to complete some research out in the plains. Of course your trip was ambushed by an energetic princess who begged to come along for research purposes. You couldn't complain because the addition of the princess also came with your boyfriend Link.
Now you were looking for him outside the small ranch. You fully expected him to be caring for Epona like he always did after a long trip. His love for his horse was something you had always loved about him. The way he would stay later than everyone else to make sure she was okay. It had made stables kind of your spot. Hanging out at the end of a long day to talk and spend time together while caring for your steeds.
Maybe that was why your heart felt so utterly shattered when you did find him, standing next to the stable, with the princess in his arms. Maybe you could have fooled yourself into believing he was being friendly if he hadn't pressed a long loving kiss to her forehead followed by both her cheeks, chuckling softly as she giggled.
You knew they had always been close. I mean they spent all their time together. You'd just never thought that Link would do something like this to you.
You walked away from the stables fighting backs the tears in your eyes. It was only when you found you had walked into an older area, a spare shack outside, that you finally let the tears fall. Your heart twisted in pain as sobs tore from your throat.
Why hasn't you seen this? Why weren't you enough?
------
Your research trip was almost over. You had gone back late into the night to find Link on the edge of his bed head in his hands. He had shot up to demand where you had been when you finally walked in and although he looked like he wanted to argue, he accepted that you had been organizing your research supplies and notes in quiet.
That had been 3 days ago. You had spent the research trip sticking close to your colleagues, poring over each plant and testing their uses. The princess was too distracted with her own interests to really notice how you shied away from her presence. Link had though. And he was about done with you brushing him off in favour of your work. You both were busy so not having time was nothing new. But this was different. You couldn't meet his eyes and he had caught you staring at him and Zelda as if you were about to cry before. He was at a loss and now he needed to figure things out for himself.
However he wasn't quite ready for the answer.
"I saw you and Zelda together."
His throat closed up. He wanted to say so many things. How sorry he was. How he wished he could have told you himself. How he wished he could hold you and forget how complicated things were.
"it's okay." Now that, he wasn't expecting. "I thought I could be mad at you. Both of you. But I guess... It just makes sense." You sniffled softly. You really didn't want to do this. You hated that it had to be you who gave up. But we're you really going to fight? No. As much as it tore your heart into pieces, you would stand aside for them. "I wish that things hadn't changed but, clearly you don't feel the same anymore and I don't want to hold you back. I love you. So much. But I don't deserve this, and I won't put either of us through the trouble. I hope you two are happy together Link."
As you walked towards your friends to head home Link felt his heart clench. You deserved so much better.
Sidon🦈
You were a princess from another kingdom, betrothed to Prince Sidon of the Zora. We all know how these things go, neither of you were all that fond of the idea but you would go through with it. For your kingdoms
You tried to be as understanding as possible of the situations, knowing that the prince was just as trapped as you were. So you played along with your parents wishes.
You two went on dates and spent time together, getting closer and closer until finally you kissed him.
Things were great. You were planning your wedding and enjoying the time you spent with your fiance as you prepared for your future
It wasn't until a few days before the wedding when you were trying on your dress that things fell apart.
Your dressmaker had been in a bad mood, grumbling as they worked and even sticking you with needles a few times. You would have brushed it off as a bad day if not for the facts that they seemed so unapologetic.
You finally brought it up, softly asking if there was something wrong and if you could help. They snapped, going off about how you were ruining the princes life and that he didn't love you and was only marrying you for his kingdom and that he deserved to be happy.
They realized their mistake and left quickly, leaving you alone in your wedding dress with shocked tears slipping down your face.
You later made you way to Sidons office, hoping to clear some things up and maybe seek comfort from the one you loved.
What you didn't expect was to find him already comforting someone. Your dressmaker.
You watched as he whispered sweet nothings and reassurances to them. It was when he said no matter what they were the one that he loved when you broke away.
You stood in your room, packed bags beside you. You knew there were better ways to deal with this. You knew that your kingdom was counting on you and thus marriage. You just couldn't go through with it. Not anymore.
"Y/n?"
You sound around to find the Zora princess standing in your doorway. Mipha had become a close friend in your time in the Zora domain, even feeling like family as you worked closely planning the wedding. She had once told you that you were everything she could hope for in a sister and wife for her brother. You guessed it didn't matter in the end.
Finally you choked out pained words "I can't... I just... I can't do this anymore."
"If you are feeling nervous, I can assure you my brother would never hurt you."
This made you laugh. It was cold, similar to the ice creeping into your veins. "He would. And he did." You cut off Mipha's confusion, wringing a hand through your hair, "Sidon is in love with someone else. I made every effort to work through this engagement despite our... rocky beginning. But he didn't choose me back. He never wanted me, and I won't ruin his chance to be happy."
The room was silent after your outburst. You only noticed the tears when your friend wiped them from your eyes. She offered you a small smile, sharing the pain you felt. She was losing you and still understood it was best for you. You needed to move on and save yourself from a life of pain. A life of being chosen second.
"I hope one day we can meet again, sister."
You let out a choked mix of a son and laugh. Hugging the princess before you grabbed your bags and walked out the door, out of the kingdom that stole your heart and crushed it in its hands.
"I love you, always."
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(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Tuesday
Monday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Thursday (Part 2)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday
Spotify Playlist (collaborative)
Warnings: anxiety, doctor’s offices, taking pain pills (not sure if I need to tag that, but just in case), stalkers, blackmail, swearing, non-consensual taking pics of nudes, slight body dysmorphia, self-loathing, toxic friends
Word count: 5,326
(A/N): another long chapter, my little wlw heart loved writing this chapter! Also holy shit I was not expecting the first part to blow up, thank you to everyone that read it! Gosh, it’s enough to make a grown woman cry :’)
You cracked open your crusty eyes to Wilbur poking his head into your room. “(Y/n), Dad wants you.”
You groaned rubbing at your eyes in an attempt to get the sleep out of them. “I’ll be down in a sec.” Your voice was scratchy and thick with sleep.
He closed the door silently and you heard his socked feet thumping down the hallway. Your pain faded slightly into soreness, but your shoulders and upper back were slightly stiff. After you drug yourself out of bed, you shambled down the stairs to see your family at the table eating breakfast. Your stomach growled loudly, making you blush slightly in embarrassment. 
Your eldest brother snorted. “Hungry (y/n)?”
You slumped into your seat next to him slowly shoveling food into your mouth. “You have no idea.”
“You wouldn’t be that hungry if you ate dinner when you got home like I told you to do last night, young lady. You better eat every single thing on that plate.”
There was no arguing with a stern Dadza, so you reluctantly complied. Meanwhile, Tommy and Tubbo were telling Wilbur about your match animatedly. 
“And the ball was like fwoosh and she- the ball and-and-”
“And she hit it and Haley hit it to the other side! It was so cool!”
Wilbur merely smiled listening to them ramble about how badass you were last night. They made you feel genuinely happy that they admired your volleyball abilities; they were probably your biggest fans and that made your day most of the time. You remembered the first match they came to during your freshman year, they had run up to you right after the end-of-match whistle blew to spew about how good you were on the court. They met the team that day. Your team adored having them at your games, over the years they slowly replaced your school’s mascot. They played a huge part in morale boosts before and during matches. 
He looked over to you, “I didn’t know my little sister could be so badass.”
You felt your cheeks flare up. “It’s nothing I haven’t done before. It really wasn’t anything special.”
“(Y/n),” Philza pursed his lips, “you did all that with a bruised back, I’d consider that something special.”
“Wait (y/n), you’re hurt?” Tommy and Tubbo looked at you with wide concerned eyes.
“Yeah, but it’s not that bad. I can still move and stuff.”
Techno rolled his eyes, “it’s bad if you’re going to the doctor for it.”
“Eh, it doesn’t hurt as bad as it did yesterday, so I’m not worried.” 
“You’re deadass wincing everytime you move your arm,” WIlbur deadpanned, “it clearly still hurts.”
“Well yeah, I didn’t say the pain went away completely. Fuckin’ dumbass.”
“Language,” Philza glared at you two, gesturing to the two fifth graders watching the exchange with interest. 
You and Wilbur resumed eating and murmured out a defeated “sorry Dad.” You both glared at Techno when he huffed in amusement. 
“If you three keep bickering, you’re going to be late to school. Remember, you two have to drop off Tommy and Tubbo today cuz I’m taking your sister to her appointment. Now go get ready, I’ll take care of your dishes.”
Your brothers took off up the stairs, each competing to get to the bathroom first. Occasionally, you would hear shouts and slapping noises. You felt glad you didn’t have to deal with that today. Judging by Techno’s gruff voice laughing and an explosion of loud complaints from the rest, you assumed that he won today. “I swear, they’re gonna put me in an early grave.”
“You and me both Dad, you and me both.”
You went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of pain pills from the junk drawer. Various bottles of Motrin and Advil were scattered around the house because when you live with a rambunctious family like this one, people are bound to get hurt and headaches are common. Popping three into your mouth, you washed it down with a glass of water. The sound of the running water faucet and the slight splashing of water filled the silence of the room. 
“How’s your back? Does it feel any better?”
“Kinda, today it just feels more sore than throbbing, my headache went away mostly, and my shoulder doesn’t feel any worse, so that’s better I guess.”
He shut off the water and reached for a towel to dry off his wet hands. He moved over to the freezer and grabbed a frozen package of peas that your family never ate. You all used it whenever one of you would get a bruise. He moved behind you and held it against your back without warning. Flinching forward from the unexpected temperature change, you winced with the wave of pain moving brought you. 
“Shit, sorry.”
“You’re good. Just give me a little warning next time,” you chuckled. He gently placed it back on your back and you sighed from the slight relief that it brought you. You leaned into the peas and closed your eyes. “That feels amazing.”
“I bet. That bruise was pretty bad yesterday, can I look at it again?”
You reluctantly left the sanctuary that was the medical grade frozen peas and leaned forward, moving your hair out of the way for him. “Knock yourself out.”
He made a hissing noise as soon as he moved your shirt out of the way. “Dad, it probably looks worse than it feels.”
“...Have you seriously not looked at this yet? It looks pretty bad, hun.”
“Well, sorry I can’t move to look at my back without being in pain. I’ll try harder next time.” You snarked him.
“Hey, watch the attitude. Here, I’ll take a picture so you can see how bad it is.”
You heard the rustling of fabric as he fished his phone out of his pocket and the obnoxiously loud click of his camera app. You turned around to look at the damage. You squinted at his bright phone screen. Your entire back was swollen in some areas and was covered in ugly reds, blues, blacks, and purples. You made a disgusted noise in the back of your throat and cringed away from the screen. You always got nauseous seeing injuries.
“Yikes.”
“Yikes isn’t the only word I would use, it’s bad (y/n).”
“It looks worse than it feels, I promise. I’m gonna go get ready so we’re not late to my appointment. It sounds like the boys are finally done with the bathroom.”
You hobbled up the stairs slowly and made your way to the bathroom. The door was wide open ready for you to use. Turning on the light, you closed the door in a hurry so that your brothers wouldn’t try to get in again to hog the bathroom like they usually did. You frowned at your appearance. Your hair was sticking up in every direction and you had dark eye bags around your dull looking eyes. A few pimples dotted your skin like constellations in the night sky, but much uglier and more out of place. Turning your body, you scanned your figure. Your eyes watered as you realized that you had gained some weight. Adrian, Sammy, and Annie were right, you looked like garbage all the time.
You ripped your eyes away from yourself in the mirror with disgust etched deep into your features. You were disgusting through and through. Ripping your brush through your hair, you winced at the pain emanating from the back of your head. You deserve the pain for letting yourself go. Once you were slightly more satisfied with your appearance, you stepped out of the bathroom and quickly changed into the clothes you would wear today. You decided on a hoodie and a pair of tights. You didn’t feel like dressing yourself up. 
You once again walked down the stairs and slipped on your shoes to meet your dad in his car. You idly scrolled through your phone while you waited for him, looking at your notifications for the first time that day. You had ten texts from the group chat that you were in with Adrian, Annie, and Sammy.
Sammy <3
(Y/n) where the hell are you?
Adrian <3
Do you guys think she ditched us?
I knew she was ignoring us
Sammy <3
Who ignores their friends?
Annie <3
(Y/n) apparently. 
She has more important things to do ig
Oh my god
Do you guys think she skipped school?
Adrian <3
I wouldn’t put it past her
Maybe she finally gave up
(Y/n)
I’m sorry guys, I just have a doctor’s appointment today
I would never ignore you
Sammy <3
Yk, it’s hard to keep defending you when you keep ditching us..
(Y/n)
I’m not ditching you!
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys about my appointment
I’ll make it up to you guys
Adrian <3
How?
You’ve already skipped out on us enough already
Annie <3
Oh ik!
She can write our final research paper for us Dri!
I haven’t started it yet lmao
Adrian <3
Saaaame lmaoooo
Sammy <3
Guys, what about me???
Adrian <3
Idk, figure it out yourself
Sammy <3
Rude!
Uhhh
Ur gonna put together my final presentation for us history
(Y/n)
Alright, I can do that for you guys
Sam can you pls send me the rubric? 
Annie <3
Thanks love ;)
(Y/n)
No problem, I like doing things for friends
My dad’s coming, I gotta go
Talk to you guys later
Adrian <3
Byeeee (y/n), ur the best!
(Y/n)
: ) <3
You put your phone down as your dad started up the car and pulled out of the driveway. The drive was quiet as you stared out the window and thought about how much work you now had to do. On top of your own classes, you had two more to write and a presentation to make in a class you hadn’t taken since the first semester in your sophomore year. The research papers had to be at least four full pages long with a minimum of ten sources each due on Friday and you had no idea how big Sammy’s US history presentation has to be or what it’s even about. But that was fine, you’d do anything for your friends. 
“So, who were you texting? Your boyfriend?” He asked jokingly.
“Oh, just Adrian, Sammy, and Annie. I don’t have a boyfriend Dad,” because you were a closeted lesbian, but you wouldn’t tell him that anytime soon. “You know that.”
“I know,” he chuckled, “it’s been a while since I’ve seen them. How have they been?”
“They’re good. Adrian got a job at the diner, he’s a host. Sammy and Annie have been focusing more on raising their grades.”
“Good for them! You should invite them over for dinner sometime.”
“I was actually thinking that I could maybe go hang out with them on Halloween...?”
“(Y/n), the family was going to take Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating.”
“I know, but there’s always next year. Plus, we haven’t been able to hang out in so long! We’re always free at different times.”
“I don’t know (y/n), what if they don’t want to trick-or-treat next year? What were you planning on doing with them?”
“We were just gonna hang out at Annie’s house and watch some horror movies,” you lied. He would never let you go if he knew you were going to a party. Especially one where alcohol would be involved and hormonal teenage boys ran rampant actively scouting for an easy lay.
“...I’ll think about it.” The car pulled into the doctor office’s parking lot.
“Thank you Dad! It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out together.”
He chuckled as you both walked into the lobby, checked in, and waited for your name to be called. About ten minutes later, you were summoned by a nurse so you went into the back leaving your dad to wait in the lobby. The nurse recorded your height and weight (much to your dismay, you gained four pounds) and asked you the standard questions about your injury and uncomfortable questions about your overall health. The clacking of her acrylic nails on the plastic keyboard filled the awkward silence.
Once that was done, she left and you had to wait a little bit for the doctor. After slipping into the backless gown the nurse left, you mindlessly scrolled on your phone. Jumping when someone knocked on the door, you looked up to see your family’s doctor smiling at you.
“Hello (y/n), how are we feeling today?”
“I’m alright.”
“I hear that you had quite the fall onto some concrete, is that true?”
“Yes, I landed on my back and the back of my head.”
She reached over and squirted hand sanitizer onto her hands, rubbing it in and looking back at you. “Can you please lay on your stomach so I can take a look at your back?”
You nodded, shifting on the uncomfortable paper covered cushioned table onto your stomach. You felt her cold hands gently graze your bruises before she pulled out her stethoscope. “Can you take a good deep breath in for me?”
You complied and she instructed you to let it out. Doing this multiple times along your back, she put her stethoscope away and continued prodding at your exposed back. 
“There’s definitely some swelling in multiple areas… It doesn’t feel or sound like you cracked or broke any ribs, which is excellent… Do you have any pain deep in your shoulder when you move it?”
“Yes, I landed on it wrong last night at my volleyball match.”
“How would you describe your pain? Stabbing, sore, throbbing…”
“More sore, but a little stabbing pain when I move my arm.”
She moved her fingers to examine your shoulder. “It doesn’t sound like a sprain or fracture, can you move it up and down for me?”
You moved your arm up and down, front and back, and side to side. “You still have a full range of movement, that’s good. Can I have you sit back up again?”
You sat back up and she started testing you for a concussion. After passing her tests, you were cleared of having a concussion. “Alright (y/n), it appears that you only strained your deltoid and teres muscles and you have severe bruising along your back. Make sure you ice your back and, if you have one, wear a shoulder compression sleeve. Anti-inflammatory medications such as Ibuprofen will help with the swelling. Other than that, you have a clean bill of health! You can still participate in volleyball practices, but you need to take it easy. Don’t do anything that will strain the muscles any further.”
“Thank you Dr. Samson,” you smiled at her. 
“You’re welcome. I’ll leave you to change back into your clothes and you’re free to go! You may leave the gown on the table.”
She left the room and you redressed yourself. Walking out to the lobby, Philza’s head perked up when he heard the door opening. He stood up and walked over to you with a slightly worried face. You both walked back out to the car.
“So?”
“Dr. Samson said that I don’t have a concussion, sprains or broken bones. She told me that I just strained my shoulder muscles and I need to keep ice on my back.”
He visibly slumped in relief. “Thank god. What’d she say about volleyball?”
“She said that I could keep playing, but I have to take it easy.”
“Good, wouldn’t want you missing finals on Thursday. Do you know if the team you’re playing is any good?”
“Dad, of course they’re good, we’re the top two teams in the area.”
“I bet their setter is nowhere near as good as you are and I bet the setter and spiker aren’t as synced as you and Haley are. You two make a good pair.” 
“Yeah we do, don’t we?” You looked out the window and smiled a little and felt your ears turn red. The very mention of Haley’s name was enough to make you feel like you were on cloud nine. The car fell silent again as you neared your high school. 
In your AP world history class, the class was looking at the test you had taken yesterday. Surprisingly, you got a 74% on the multiple choice part and a 50% on your essay portion, so that landed you with a just below passing grade. You thought you completely flunked that test yesterday, so that was a pleasant surprise. It took a good portion out of your overall grade in the class, lowering it from a comfortable A- to a slightly alarming B. You supposed it could’ve been a lot worse. Besides reviewing your tests, the class didn’t do much except starting the reading for the next chapter.
Your psychology online class went like it usually did, however your phone blew up with texts about midway through the block. Glancing down, you saw that it was Haley. Shouldn’t she be in class?
Hales : )
(Y/n) meet me in the locker room right after school
I need to talk to you before practice starts
It’s an emergency
(Y/n)
What’s going on?
Hales : )
I’ll explain after school.
Can’t talk about it over text
(Y/n)
Alright, see ya then ig
You felt your gut twinge. Something’s wrong, but you didn’t know what. You were worried about Haley, usually she was really bubbly. You’ve never seen the senior act so strange before. You could only wait the block out until the bell would release you from the confines of the library and into the locker room. After sending a quick text to your brothers that you were going to stay after school for your practice, you stared blankly at your laptop’s clock as you counted down the minutes left in the class period. Ten minutes. Eight minutes. Four minutes. Two minutes. Thirty seconds-
You shot up from your seat as the bell rang. Pushing past some groups of freshmen that congregated in the hallways, you made a beeline for the locker room. In the locker room, you found Haley sitting on the metal bench on the opposite end of the locker room with her back facing the last row of lockers and facing the brick wall. She was clenching her phone in her hand with an iron grip. You hurried to sit next to her.
“Hales, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
“It’s bad (y/n). Like, really bad.”
“What’s bad? You’re worrying me.”
Wordlessly, she unlocked her phone and handed it to you. On the screen was something that you weren’t expecting to see. You scrolled through the contents and felt your stomach drop with each scroll; someone took pictures of you and Haley throughout the match last night. Every picture was a violation to yours and Haley’s dignities, they had gotten zoomed in pictures of your boobs and asses. Deeper, there were even pictures taken of you changing into your volleyball uniform through your open window. You were only in your underwear. Haley had a similar picture that you scrolled past as fast as you could. Scrolling to the bottom of the text message thread, the person that sent Haley the pictures added a caption to the last picture. It was a picture of you and Haley together celebrating your match, her arm slung around your shoulder with your mouth open mid-laugh.
Unknown
I’m sending these out to the entire school unless you stop hanging around her.
If you tell anyone, the pics will be printed off and put in every single locker and bathroom the school has.
You’ll be the sluts of Klinkver High. 
Cut all ties now. You have two days. 
Do not try me.
“Jesus christ Haley. Who the fuck would do this? This is sick.”
She took her phone back and locked it without looking at the screen. “I don’t know (y/n). I wanted to tell you not to openly talk to me for a few days. We don’t know who took these, we don’t know what they’re capable of. I don’t wanna risk angering them.”
“We can find them! If we look close enough, we might find a few clues where they were sitting. Do you remember seeing anything suspicious last night?”
“(Y/n), our best option is to leave it. We just can’t talk in person anymore; we can still text each other.”
“Hales, how are we gonna not talk? I’m your setter.”
She ran a hand through her thick black hair. “I don’t know (y/n). Just-just don’t talk to me anymore, I don’t want your pictures leaked.”
“I don’t care about my pictures. My name’s been drug through so much shit this past year that it won’t affect me. I don’t want your stuff leaked.”
She gave a watery laugh, “you care too much, I love that about you…” Glistening eyes turned to look deep into your own. “I’m so scared (y/n), I don’t know what to do.”
You pulled her into a hug, wincing slightly when she squeezed her arms around your upper back. She buried her face into your shoulder and started shaking with muffled sobs. “Haley, I promise I’ll catch whatever sick bastard is doing this to you. You don’t deserve this.”
She said nothing as you rested your chin on the top of her head and started to rock her back and forth slowly. You two stayed like that even after her sobbing resided, finding comfort in each other’s presence. Glancing at the clock, you realized that you two have been in the locker room for an hour. Practice was set to start in fifteen minutes, people were going to start coming into the locker room soon. 
You reluctantly pulled away from the hug and looked Haley in her bloodshot eyes, “I’m not going to let those pictures of you get leaked. I swear on my-”
The door to the locker room swung open and loud laughter echoed throughout the room. Haley pushed you away and speed walked off to a bathroom stall, slamming the door shut behind her. 
“Damn (y/n), what’d you do? She’s pissed.” 
“It’s none of your business, Zara.” 
“Oh, so it’s a lover’s quarrel then~” She cackled, her hair bouncing slightly with each heave of her shoulders. 
“For the love of… Haley and I aren’t dating, we’re both straight.” She’s straight.
“Mmhm.” She brushed past you to go to her locker. You followed her, your locker was in the grouping next to hers. You shared the area with Haley. You changed as fast as you could so that Haley would have time to change before practice starts. Speed walking into the gym, Zara was hot on your trail wearing a shit eating grin.
“Why are you in such a rush? Giving your girlfriend the silent treatment?”
“Zara. We aren’t dating. For the last time, we’re both heterosexual, not homosexual!” You wildly gestured with your hands to emphasize your point, your voice being amplified by the vast gym. Coach Williams gave you a confused look from across the gym. 
“You just keep telling yourself that.”
“I’m serious.”
“Hi serious,” a soft voice replied from behind you, “I’m Jazzy.”
You groaned at the pun at the same time Zara started cackling, giving the short libero a high five. “Nice!”
“That was so bad, Jaz.” You couldn’t help the smile that found its way onto your face.
Zara poked your cheek with a wide grin. “C’mon, you’re smiling!”
“I am and I hate it.”
Your bickering continued with Jazzy watching you two with a content smile. The remaining members of the team (Haley, Marlene, and Zuri) filed into the gym right as Coach Williams blew her whistle. 
Practice went by slowly without Haley talking to you. Sure, you had the rest of the team, but it didn’t feel the same with you guys ignoring each other. If the team or Coach Williams noticed you two not talking to each other, they didn’t say anything. By time practice was over, you all went to the locker room to change. After slipping into your fuzzy pajama pants, you sat on the bench and texted Wilbur to come pick you up. He was supposed to pick you up after practice today because he and Techno took the car home after school. Five minutes passed and he still didn’t reply. He probably won’t see the text until you got home from walking.
You sighed, resting your chin in your palm as you leaned forward. One by one, the girls left the locker room until it was only you and Haley left. 
“Do you need a ride (y/n)?” She asked gently.
“But what if the person sees us together? I can just walk home, it’s not really a big deal.”
She rolled her eyes at you. “It is a big deal. It’s cold and dark out. You could get kidnapped or something. You don’t even have a coat with you. I’m giving you a ride whether you like it or not.”
You playfully rolled your eyes at her and stood up to walk next to her, “okay, mom.”
“Don’t give me that attitude young lady.”
“You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my real mom!”
She gasped and lightly smacked the back of your shoulder, “I married your- are you alright? Shit, I didn’t hurt you did I?”
“No, you’re good. It’s just this damned bruise.”
She moved her hands and frantically turned you around to pull the neck of your shirt down. You two stood in front of the school’s main entrance with the nauseatingly bright fluorescent light bouncing off the reflective surface of the tiles. The orange tinted street lights lit up the sidewalk outside.
“(Y/n)-”
“I know what you’re gonna say.”
She scoffed, “oh really? What am I gonna say then, o wise one?”
You turned around to face her, “‘oh, this is bad, yadda yadda yadda.’ Everyone’s been saying that about it. Honestly it looks worse than it feels. Tis but a scratch, m’lady.”
She snorted and covered her mouth, “never call me ‘m’lady’ ever again.”
You started to walk to her car in the empty parking lot. “Or what? What’re ya gonna do?”
“I swear to god, (y/n), I’m gonna leave you here.”
“Do it, pussy. Bet you won’t.”
“You really wanna bet?”
You grinned at her, “hell yeah.”
She broke off into a mad dash to her car, laughing freely into the night sky. You chased after her trying not to move your arms much, your laugh mixing with hers like a perfect symphony composed of the world’s best musicians. The sound of your rubber soles slapping the pavement resonated throughout the parking lot as you quickly gained on her. Reaching out to grab her shirt, she smirked at you and sharply turned to the right into the grass.
You grinned as her pace slowed down slightly. You’d be able to catch her at this pace. You pushed your legs to move faster as she looked at you from over her shoulder and shrieked in surprise at how close you were to her. You cackled at her reaction, reaching out once again, you grabbed her hand. She was stopped dead in her tracks as your shoulder was yanked with the sudden momentum, making you hiss in slight pain. Despite that, you didn’t let go of her soft hand. 
You both stood there under the moonlight and the soft orange street lamps trying to  catch your breath. The slightly damp blades of grass tickled your ankle as you shifted to face her better. Through gasping breaths and a dopey grin, you said “you… lost, pussy.”
She let out a breathy laugh as she pulled you to her car. “Shuddup.”
“Make me~”
She opened the passenger side door for you and got into the driver's seat. Her car smelled like vanilla and citrus. “Oh, you will later when I make you do more sets in weight lifting tomorrow, hurt shoulder be damned.”
She turned on the ignition and the car revved to life, soft indie pop wafted from the speakers. She backed out of the parking space and sped off to the main road. “You wouldn’t…”
“I’m your captain, (y/n). I can make you do whatever I want.” You felt your cheeks heat up a tad. You were happy that she couldn’t see you.
“Naw, you’re too much of a softie for that. Admit it, I’ve got you wrapped around my little finger.”
She chuckled as she pulled into your driveway and put the car in park. “...Alright, maybe you do. Just a bit.”
She turned to look at you. She looked stunning with the shadows accentuating the contours of her face perfectly. You found yourself glancing at her lips and leaning slightly towards you. To your surprise, she started leaning into you as well. Before your lips could finally mesh together, she pulled back with a sigh and ran her hand through her hair. You felt a rush of disappointment and fear course through your veins. She didn’t like you like that, you should’ve known better. You were so stupid. So, so stu-
“I can’t (y/n). I want to kiss you so bad, but we can’t. Not yet at least. Not until we find the pervert that took those pictures of us.”
You sighed, “right.”
The car was filled with awkward silence. Not even the soft music streaming from the speakers could alleviate the awkwardness. God, you really screwed up your friendship, didn’t you? Sammy, Adrian, and Annie were right; you messed up everything you touched.
You coughed, “I think I’m gonna…”
“Yeah…”
You grabbed your bag and walked into your house, the smell of chicken slapping you in the face instantly. Without checking in with your dad, you hurried up the stairs, desperate for the warm comfort of your bed. That, and if you wanted to get Sammy’s presentation and Adrian’s, Annie’s, and your research papers done by Friday, you had to start as soon as you could. You were going to skip dinner for tonight, you’d just grab more breakfast tomorrow morning. 
You plopped on your bed and got started on your research paper. Luckily, you already had all of the sources you were planning on using and the rough outline of each body paragraph, so writing the actual paper wasn’t going to take long. You worked until you heard a knock at your door. 
“(Y/n),” Techno’s monotone voice called out, “dinner’s ready.”
“Tell Dad I’m not hungry. Practice’s got me beat, I’m going to bed soon.”
He grunted, “you know he’s not gonna like that right?”
You felt frustration start to swim circles around your chest, “Techno, just tell him that I’m not hungry right now. Please.”
“Damn, you don’t need to be like that. I’ll tell him.”
You heard his stomping footsteps thumping down the hall. Shit, you pissed him off. You were a terrible person, he was just trying to get you to eat something, Pushing back the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes, you forced the panic that was starting to swirl around your body in laps deep into your being. You didn’t have time to deal with your failures and stupid emotions, you had to get this done. You didn’t have time to think about Haley’s warm breath ghosting across your lips. You didn’t have time to think about how she probably regretted almost kissing you. You didn’t have time to fall into an anxiety spiral, you needed to focus if you wanted Adrian, Annie, and Sammy to forgive you. You ruined yours and Haley’s friendship and did the same to yours and Techno’s. They were the only ones you had left. You needed to be a better friend.
Taglist (comment if you want to be added or if I missed you, it won’t let me tag some tumblrs :((( ):
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liesoverthec · 3 years
Text
Eddie Diaz is the oldest child in his family.
Recently y’all I hit a follower milestone (I’m not gonna say which one cuz it wasn’t THAT big but it felt big to me! Hello everyone 🥰) So to celebrate we’re going to talk about my favorite controversial topic - Eddie Diaz and his birth order in relation to his sisters.
At this point, I KNOW y’all know how much time I have spent watching this show at a microscopic level so if you want to argue with anything here, you have to bring me something better than “he has the vibes”. No, nuh uh, not gonna cut it buddy 😂
The hardest of hard evidence for Eddie being the oldest.
This quote from Eddie Begins - it’s Helena, talking at first to Eddie and then to Ramon in the last two sentences. She says -
“Your dad wasn’t there, he was in - Galveston? When you were born. And then Sophia, that was - you were in Gulf Port, and then Adriana was an emergency C-section. So you dodged that bullet 3 times.”
I hate to break it to yall, but “and then” is a chronological indicator. If she had said, “and Sophia…” or “with Adriana…” there could be wiggle room. But by saying “and then”, Helena is indicating a specific order that those events happened in. Which puts Eddie firmly as the oldest, with Sophia next and Adriana as the baby.
Also I’ve seen many people use Adriana as the oldest for fic purposes, so even if you ignore absolutely everything else I say - Adriana is the baby. Most women have c-sections for all following babies once they have their first c-section. It’s definitely possible for them to have natural births following a c-section according to my research, but whether or not that’s possible depends on how traumatic the c-section was for the body. And an emergency c-section which cannot even be held off long enough for her husband to come home screams “traumatic” to me. Which is also probably a part of why they just stopped having kids after Adriana was born.
Combine the two facts of “and then” and “c-section” and that already makes it pretty clear Eddie is the oldest, BUT THERE’S MORE!
We’ve MET Eddie’s sisters already.
What?!?!? You say. Uh YEAH! I say back. They’re in 2x18, both at Shannon’s wake near the beginning of the episode and then at Eddie’s ceremony at the end.
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This is the actress who plays Sophia Diaz.
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Does she look older than Ryan Guzman to you?? Cuz she doesn’t to me.
Here’s her in the show - which I’d argue actually makes her look even younger than her IMdB picture makes her look, which is obviously a choice made by the show involving the makeup department. There’s no way this woman is older than our dear Eddie.
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And here’s Adriana Diaz.
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The actress they hired to play her turned 20 this year, which is a whopping 13 years younger than Ryan Guzman. If they’d intended either of his sisters to be older than him, don’t you think they’d have hired women who were/looked older than him?
Here’s how Adriana looked on the show -
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It’s clear they aged her up, but there’s still no way, with the c-section info and this photo, that she’s older than Eddie. It’s just not happening. In fact, she’s still young enough that at the wake, she’s obviously been put on babysitting duty (you can see her over Helena’s shoulder on the left here), and she doesn’t get to be part of the adult conversation like Sophia does.
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And sure, I’ve had people try to tell me that this casting most likely isn’t set in stone, and if his sisters come back they’ll have new actresses, but don’t you think that when they made the decision to include his sisters on the show, they knew they had to make a decision they were sticking to? They’ve definitely changed some details before in the past, but moving Chim’s birthday from October to March is a VERY different story than changing whether Eddie has older or younger sisters. All of which is reinforced by the quote from Helena that’s above.
(Also if you wanna chat about what I think the girls’ personalities are like based off their two outfits we’ve gotten I HAVE THOUGHTS I’D LOVE TO DISCUSS!)
I got some counter arguments and character discussion now but this is already long so it’s going under a cut.
Information which could possibly point to other groupings, but can still absolutely be explained by the birth order for which there is CONCRETE evidence for.
The niece mentioned in 2x01.
Omg whenever I bring up Oldest Child Eddie, y’all LOVE to talk about the niece. Okay, go back to those pictures of his sisters - do either of them look old enough to have a daughter who is capable of working an iPhone to the extent shown in the episode? No, there’s no way, not without being an almost exact replica of Eddie’s story in which they got pregnant and married REAL YOUNG.
To be honest, I’m pretty sure the niece doesn’t exist anymore. I think the writers wrote her in for that one specific scenario and have since forgotten about her in blissful, blissful ignorance. But there are other possibilities for her existence - she’s a young woman he’s related to who is not actually his niece.
My father refers to his cousin’s daughter as his niece, and I call her my cousin, when in reality she’s my dad’s first cousin once removed and my second cousin. Yeah, who says that?!? No one, so it’s absolutely possible he has a cousin who is older than him who has a daughter who helped him with the photos. She could even be the daughter of a family friend, and Eddie just didn’t want to get into the details of it with Chim while his other hostile coworker is weirdly lurking in the gym on his very first day of work.
Also, that ep where we met Eddie’s sisters?? Don’t you think that if Eddie had an actual blood niece that age, she would have met and had fond memories of Shannon, and would have been at her wake, and then Eddie’s ceremony, since her mom was there? But the only other kid at the wake besides Christopher is a boy who looks to be around 8. No niece. And on top of that, neither of the sisters is ever seen with a man. If Eddie had an older sister who had a kid, it’s presumable that she also probably had a husband/bf who would have known Eddie even before Shannon was in the picture, and would have been at Eddie’s wedding, and therefore would have wanted to be there for Eddie after Shannon died?
I mean, that’s what I think. But at Eddie’s ceremony, the only person at the table with Eddie’s family who isn’t a known member of his family is a random LAFD firefighter.... who yeah, isn’t really a candidate for the husband of one of his sisters, ESPECIALLY since there’s a woman with him, and the only other person younger than 20 here is Denny.
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So the absence of either husband or daughter makes me think neither exist.
Plus we get a good look at Sophia’s left hand here, and she’s definitely not wearing a wedding ring, so she’s not married at this point in time. (God she looks so young here also, tell me again how she’s older than Eddie?)
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And if she’s not married with a kid, you really think Adriana is? If Adriana, the youngest, was married with a kid, you can bet she would have taken some of the pressure off of Eddie, so I really, really doubt she is.
And in addition, those pictures of Eddie had to be taken in Los Angeles, since he would have been in the fire academy for at least two months by the time the calendar would have even been mentioned. And we know his sisters live in Texas - otherwise we REALLY would have met them and had them have lines, plus Shannon says they live in El Paso in 3x15. So the niece what, comes out to visit Uncle Eddie before he even has an official stable job, but DOESN’T come for the wake and his official promotion?? No way. There is no niece. She’s either not his niece or she doesn’t exist anymore. Either way, she’s absolutely not evidence for Eddie having an older sister.
“I remember when my sister was applying to colleges, I think that’s half the reason I didn’t apply.” (3x09) + “If I hadn’t joined the army, I’d still be working with my pops.” (3x11)
So we know that Christopher was born when Eddie was between the ages of 21-23. So he would be 20-22 when Shannon got pregnant. So between the ages of 18 and 21-23, Eddie: graduates high school (and if he is born around when Ryan Guzman was, he’s probably closer to 19 when he graduates), works for his father, gets married, gets Shannon pregnant, joins the army and completes basic (2.5 months), then gets certified as an Army medic (another 4 months), and then gets deployed to Afghanistan all before Christopher is born. So to me, the timeline is - Eddie graduates high school and is not good at school and overwhelmed, so he takes a gap year to work for his father. During this gap year, Sophia is applying to colleges and Eddie watches her stress and decides it’s not for him, especially since he just got his girlfriend pregnant. They get married, he joins the army, does basic and medical training, and then he gets deployed, coming back home for Christopher’s birth before going back overseas. I think if he had known before graduating high school that he didn’t want to go to college, he would have joined the army then, because he clearly always wanted to do more than work for his father. I think working for his father was meant to be his stop gap/breathing room until the YOUNGER Sophia showed him that college wasn’t for him.
Character traits I think are better explained by Eddie being the oldest child.
No struggle with masculinity.
Despite all of the intense pressure they’ve shown us repeatedly that Eddie receives from his parents, Eddie doesn’t struggle with feeling like he’s not masculine, or even tries to assert his dominance over Buck/Chim/Bobby in a way you’d expect from someone like that (in fact we see that from BUCK, not Eddie.)
Because, I think, he’s an oldest child.
Eddie’s parents’ issues seem to stem more from their desire to control Eddie’s life than from any real obsession with him being the only boy in the family. If they were obsessed with him because he was the only boy, I think we would have seen that manifest somehow already, either from Eddie feeling like he has to be macho, or some comment from his parents about how Christopher is the family legacy. But we get none of that. And Eddie is fine being the butt of jokes, he doesn’t show off, he’s fine deferring to Bobby or Chim or Hen or Buck at calls if they know better than he does. He has decorations for every holiday and he cares about what his couch pillows look like (he even HAS couch pillows at all!)
In 3x01, Eddie specifically says, “Whenever stuff didn’t work out for me, my dad always told me to brush it off and keep moving forward, it wasn’t easy but he wasn’t wrong.” This is a perfect example of why I think his parents’ obsession with him comes from him being the oldest rather than the only boy, like it would be if he were the middle child. If it was about him being male, wouldn’t you expect a comment like, “my dad told me to man up” or that Buck just had to get over being benched and be a man? But there’s none of that.
The pressure to be perfect.
All of Eddie’s emotional issues stem from feeling like he can’t be seen as weak, rather than anything to do w/ him not wanting to be seen as less of a man.
For the first however many years of his life before his sister was born, Eddie would have been the sole focus of his parents’ attention, and I don’t think they ever let go of that.
In addition, as the oldest, Eddie would have been told he needed to be an example for his younger sisters.
All of which I think manifests itself in his struggle to be perfect, to hide his emotions when he’s feeling less than 100% (and maybe join a streetfighting ring), and not being able to ask for help from others - it has to be forced on him. He can’t show his emotions because his parents expected their oldest child to be perfect, not because he was a boy.
(Pressure to be perfect showing up as dating Ana, the ‘perfect woman’, anyone?)
The pressure to be a provider.
Ramon is obviously gone, A LOT - he literally missed the births of all three of his children. And parentification of oldest girls is much, much more common than the same of oldest boys. So if Sophia truly was the oldest, I think SHE would have been the one expected to step up and help around the house. And like I said, if they truly were obsessed with Eddie because he was the only boy, as would be the case if he was the middle child, don’t you think they would have wanted him to have every opportunity to succeed, and do a million sports and get a scholarship and be the bright shining heir to the family, while using their eldest daughter to keep the family/house in order?
But it’s obvious that’s not what happened, because Eddie really, really struggles with wanting to be the perfect provider for his family, in a way that screams “eldest child trauma” to me.
Baby Eddie, home alone all the time with his mother and his two younger sisters, expected to act like the man of the house because Helena was busy with the two babies, expected to help get his sisters’ lunch ready or help them with their homework.
And then when he (probably shotgun) married Shannon and she got pregnant, you can obviously see this trauma come into play, in two different ways I think. For one, part of the breakdown of their marriage was that I think Eddie didn’t know how to show love and care other than providing, which was not at all what Shannon needed. But then also, I think when Shannon got pregnant, Eddie saw back to his childhood of helping raise his younger sisters and he panicked. He wasn’t ready to be under all that intense pressure to provide for his family again and he ran.
And he’s STILL doing it, when he dates someone he thinks would be better for Christopher than because he really cares. He’s so used to sacrificing himself and his happiness to be able to provide for his family in a way that really truly rings as oldest child trauma to me. It being middle child trauma brought on by him being a boy just doesn’t ring as strongly to me, since if Sophia was older, she would have spend a least a good bit of time taking care of HIM, rather than vice versa.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sure, some of his behaviors could be explained as middle child symptoms, (the jealousy I think I saw someone say?) But I think they’re much more likely just personality traits of an oldest child who finally feels comfortable enough to leave the strict roles set by being the oldest, and is allowed now to be petty during a treasure hunt, for example.
I do think his traumas/character was influenced by him being the only boy, don’t get me wrong, but I think that came after. I believe it started bc he was the oldest child, and then once it became clear that they were done having children after Adriana, they focused on him being the only boy, but his role in the family had already been set as The Oldest, so the way they treated him and pressured him was shaped by that more than it was by him being The Boy.
Also, y’all gonna tell me you don’t wanna see Eddie and Maddie bond over feeling like they were given parenthood roles over their siblings too early??? Cuz me, I wanna see it. 😂
I hope all of that made sense, and sorry it was so sassy - I just have SUCH strong feelings about Oldest Child Eddie, and I’m about 90% certain that canon is going to back me up on this, if they ever decide to handle it.
(Side note if y’all wanna like tag the official account in the comments or whatever, DO IT cuz I want the show to know we want to see the answers!)
Lots of love!
🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝
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xoxo-teddybear · 3 years
Note
Hey idk if I’ve asked for this before but can you do nsfw Bakugo x fem reader fic, where you do work studies with him. He’s obviously going to be a little older 3-6 years, and you two have know each other since you were kids and he’s always just been a little nicer to you and cared about you more than others, and when you are working with him you get hurt and he flips out. You’re really confused and your like “wtf why do you care this isn’t affecting your job” and he gets mad your not getting the hint that he cares about you in a “not friendly” way, he ends up tch’ing and just says frick it and confesses that he has feelings for you and you’re just like cool I reciprocate and he’s like “with”... it just gets frisky from there... Idk if this is like a thing you might be interested in writing about, but like it just an idea😃... Anyways I love your work please keep it up🥺(sorry for any grammatical errors I’m writing this at 2:30am)
What Took So Long? - Bakugou Katsuki
Bakugo x f!reader
Warnings: NSFW, f!receiving, mutual pining, angst, injury, fluff, cursing, all the good stuff
BAKUGOU”S MASTERLIST
Summary: you and Katsuki have been close friends for forever, how long is it gonna take to realize both your love is mutual?
Growing up, you and Katsuki got along really well. You knew him before he got his quirk so you got to see his non-egotistical self. You saw the him that was kind and caring and he always looked out for you, always took care of you, always was there for you. In your eyes, you thought he thought it was in a big brother kinda way. Oh how that changed once you both became teenagers.
You both made it into UA, of course at different times, but you still kept in touch. You guys hung out like, everyday! It was always wake up, FaceTime, go to school, text throughout the day, and meet and go to either your house or his. It was like there was nobody else in the world except you two.
Throughout the years, you developed a small crush on the blonde boy. What went from a small crush turned into love. To you, it was unreciprocated love. He was 3 years older than you! He had to have seen you as a little sister. It only made sense! When you came to that terribly incorrect realization, you pushed back your feelings. What you had with Katsuki was special! You’re friendship meant the world to you. It didn’t matter if you wanted more, what you had was already perfect, there was no way it could’ve gotten better than this.
This. These moments. These memories being made with Katsuki kept you sane. As you both cuddled up and watched a trashy reality tv show in your room on your computer, you both threw popcorn at the screen at the cringe scenes.
“BoooooOOOOO!!” You both said as you threw a handful of the buttery snack. You both laughed at the moment as you settled down again. With you both laying on each other, your head on his, while his own rested on your shoulder, you were sure both of you would get neck pains the next day.
“So,” Katsuki started up a conversation, “how’s your third year at UA?”
“Ugh, don’t get me started. Classes got crazy hard outta nowhere. BUT, lucky for me, I have a UA graduate to help me out!” You said while nudging his arm.
“No way teddy bear, you’re finishing that on your own. As a graduate, that means I don’t gotta deal with that bullshit anymore.” He said as he popped some pieces of the snack into his mouth. With that, you pouted. Something he noticed and thought was insanely adorable. He poked your plump lips and told you, “hey, I’m helping you by letting you do your work study at my agency. You’re very welcome for that.”
“Helping? Suuukkiiii, you barely let me go out and fight. How am I supposed to get experience and actually do my work study if I don’t...you know..WORK?” You whined out. Katsuki had always been avoiding this topic. Yeah, he let you get your credits by going to his agency, but he never let you do any real hero work other than paperwork. Don’t get me wrong, you loved hanging out with him as much as you could, but it was beginning to get boring not doing anything at the agency.
“Y/N, no. You’re getting enough experience. Paper work is a big part in the life of a Pro,” he argued.
“Yeah, well saving people and actually getting out there in the field is a bigger part in the life of a pro.” You rebuttled as you flopped down next to him. You looked at him with puppy eyes and he knew what was coming.
“No.”
“Pleaseee Suki!”
“No.”
“Pleaseee!!”
“Nope.”
“Sukiiiiiii!!” You whined while tugging at his arm. He sighed before answering.
“One job, WITH ME, and that’s all you get.” He said while staring at you with a stern look. You smiled and jumped in the air.
“YESSSS!!”
So now here you are, on job number whatever. You weren’t sure how many you’ve actually been on because ever since your first job with Katsuki was a huge success, he let you join him more and more. You were almost like a partner to him now, fighting crime together. Except this time...things went a little south.
As the villain struck you down mid air with his quirk, you fell to the ground with a now burned arm. Katsuki saw red. No fucking way. No way in HELL is he going to let some shit faced freak bring harm to his teddy bear, his world, his best friend, and the love of his life. Yup. Katsuki Bakugou fell for his best friend. But could you blame him? You knew him better than anyone else, you guys got along so well, you were absolutely gorgeous and he was sure he’d give his life for you. 100%. So when this scum bag thought he could try and ruin you, he saw red. Blasting him a thousand times over and once he was sure he was out cold, battered, bloodied, and bruised he ran to check on you.
You were sitting on the ground holding your left arm where the burn mark was. Your costume was tattered and your head felt like it was gonna blow. Katsuki came along and didn’t really help with that all too much.
“YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!” He screamed. Oh, the throbbing your head had only increased with his booming voice.
“You see?! This is exactly why I hate bringing you along! You’re always gonna get hurt!” He said as he picked you up off the ground to help you stand.
“Of course I’m gonna get hurt Dynamight, my job as a hero includes a little beating every now and then for the sake and safety of others!” You replied, raising your voice as well.
“You’re NOT a hero Y/N!” He said as he reached out for your arm.
“Yet! Not yet at least! But I will be!” You replied while pulling away from him. His eyes were shaken and it was clear he was mad. You pushing his buttons didn’t help soothe his anger either.
“NO YOU WONT. Y/N ITS SO OBVIOUS YOU’D MAKE A SHIT HERO! YOU ALREADY GOT HURT ON SUCH A SIMPLE JOB, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK ANYBODY WOULD BE WILLING TO DEPEND ON YOU FOR THEIR SAFETY?!?!?” Bakugou heard the words he said and he thought he was doing the right thing. Granted, he knew the delivery was bad, but his message was in there. He didn’t want Y/N to be hurt. If she died on the battle field, Katsuki wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Y/N can’t be a hero, for her safety and his sanity. He loved her too much to have to watch her take beating after beating. However, Y/N took it in a completely different way.
“Are you trying to say I can’t be a good hero?!” You asked filled with anger and hurt.
“Y/N,”
“It’s H/N, Dynamight. That’s the name you’ll address me as for when we’re on the job. That’s the name you’ll have to get used to because I will be a hero!” You exclaimed.
“You can’t be a hero Y/N! You’re gonna get hurt! You always get hurt! You’d be more of a burden on a mission instead of an advantage! So just stop trying ‘Cuz you’re never gonna make it!” He screamed at you. Is this what he really thought of you. That you were weak and wouldn’t be able to do jack shit? As your eyes began to water, you walked away from him in silence.
“Y/N...where are you going?” He asked you as he followed.
“Recovery girl. She’ll heal me up and I’ll be perfectly fine.” You simply stated.
“At least let me help you,” Bakugou said as he tried to reach out to you, but you only stepped away from him again, which made his heart hurt a little.
“Don’t touch me, Bakugou. I’ll be fine on my own.” You said.
“Bakugou? Who the fuck are you talking to teddy bear?” He said as he got all up in your face. You only rolled your eyes and stepped to the side. You used your quirk to get into the air and travel faster. In the dust, you left behind a confused and hurt Katsuki.
“Uhh....Okay! See you later for movie night!” He yelled out as he watched you fly off. You’d still show up, right? Yeah, you’d show. You always spent everyday together after school and work so it only made sense...right?
Well he was wrong. Really wrong. It’s been a week since you last spoke to him, the longest it’s ever been, and he was starting to get into a depressing cycle. Wake up, call Y/N. No reply. Get ready, spam her. No reply. Go to work, text Y/N throughout the day. No reply. Get out of work, go home, shower, eat dinner, do whatever while stalking your social media, go to bed, spam a little more, call twice more, and still. No reply. He misses his teddy bear.
Y/N doesn’t even go to her work study anymore. She’s been doing everything she could to avoid Bakugou, and he’s noticed it all too well. He still gave her the credits, he wanted her to pass of course, but he was also tempted to stop doing that just so she could show up and see him. Thankfully he didn’t.
Now here lies Bakugou Katsuki, watching a movie by himself again, hoping his crush and best friend would show up. But again, like every other night for the past week, she hasn’t shown. The end credits roll in and Bakugou sighs as he looks down, thinking back to all he said.
‘Y/N ITS SO OBVIOUS YOU’D MAKE A SHIT HERO! ... DO YOU HONESTLY THINK ANYBODY WOULD BE WILLING TO DEPEND ON YOU FOR THEIR SAFETY?! ... you’re never gonna make it!’
Bakugou flopped down onto his bed.
“Great idea Katsuki, tell your dream girl she won’t ever reach her goals. That’ll win her heart,” he sarcastically said aloud as he cringed at his own thoughts. Bakugou just let a few tears fall, before rolling over and going to bed. He had patrol in the morning, maybe it’ll get his mind off of Y/N.
Orrrr maybe not. Because here he was, Pro-hero Dynamight, following around his 18 year old crush as she walked home after getting some coffee from their favorite cafe. Should he have been on patrol keeping the city safe? Yes. But was he going to take this chance to talk to Y/N to fix this shit? Yes.
Once Y/N made it to her doorstep she heard a voice behind her.
“Glad you made it home safe..Maybe we could pick up on that trashy reality show now that we’re both here,” Katsuki said while trying to joke around. Y/N only rolled her eyes at the hero and attempted to put her key into the lock. Katsuki was quick to react though. He snatched her keys out of her hand before speaking again.
“Y/N please! I can’t live like this! I can’t live without you in my life. You’ve been absent for a week and it’s been driving me insane!” He said while holding onto your wrist.
“Katsuki, give me back my keys.” You calmly said.
“Y/N, just hear me out.” He also calmly said.
“And listen to you say what Katsuki?! That I’ll never be a hero? That even if I was I’d be a terrible one? That I should just give up and stop trying?! Don’t worry, I already have. So now, let me go-“ Bakugou shut you up with a kiss. You were shocked and froze up. He kissed you with such passion and you melted into it, closing your eyes and letting him hold you as he pleased. He speperated from you before speaking again.
“You are not a terrible hero. Y/N you’re one of the strongest people I know. If anything, you’d be a better hero than me...but if you got hurt, I don’t know what I would do.” He said looking down. You turned your head in confusion at his small confession.
“Katsuki?..”
“When you got hurt that day, I was livid. I almost killed that guy, just for scorching your arm. There are so many worse things that could happen to you when you do become a pro and the fact that I freaked out so bad over a little burn is insane! I just want you to be safe. I can’t let you risk your life when I need you hear with me the most...... I can’t let the girl of my dreams get hurt.” He said while placing his forehead on yours.
“When I become a hero, I’d be taking on an oath to put others before my own. And that’s what I choose to do. I’m gonna get banged up from time to time and I understand you’re worried about me, but you have to trust me when I saw I’ll always come back to you. I love you Katsuki.” With that, Bakugou slowly moved in to give you another kiss. This time, you kissed him back, letting your hands travel to his soft, golden hair as he pressed you up against the door.
You heard him unlock your door during the kiss, and as he separated he spoke.
“Let me show you just how much I love you Y/N.” He pushed open the door and continued to make out with you. Kicking the door to close it, he pushed you up against the wall. There he picked you up, and groped your ass, earning a moan from you. With your mouth open, he slipped his tongue in, tasting all of you. He walked to your bedroom, kicking open the door this time, and shutting it the same way as before. He dropped you onto the bed as you both giggled in excitement. You noticed something though. He was still in hero gear.
“Shouldnt you be on patrol, Dynamight?” You asked as he came up to kiss your neck and you pulled him in closer.
“Dynamight has something better to do right now, Teddy Bear. And you know what?” He asked while putting his face right infront of yours.
“Tell me what, hero.”
“That’s the exact name I want you screaming.” He smirked. He tore off his top and mask before taking off your own. He then attacked your breast. He pulled off your bra before taking a second to admire your perfect curves. He squeezed a mound in one hand before taking in the other one with his mouth, biting at your nipple. Leaving hickies all over your chest, he was proud to see the purple marks that now adorn your upper body. He pulled down your pants and kissed your inner thighs. Right at the center was his treat. He pulled at your panties and stuffed them in his pocket.
“Hey!” You said after you noticed what he did.
“My little souvenir. Don’t worry about it princess, I’ll buy you more.” He kissed up on your legs and saw your arousal glistening. He licked his lips as his ruby eyes dialated. He was excited. He took an experimental lick as you moaned at the feeling and he savored the sweet taste. He could help himself, he dove right in for more. As his tongue lapped up against your clit, you moaned out in pleasure.
“Mm...yess Suki! Oh fuck right there..” you said as you pulled on his hair. He smacked your thigh, receiving a yelp from you.
“That’s not my name, princess~” he smirked against your pussy. He stuck his tongue in you and you cried out even more.
“F-Fuck! Dynamight, pleasee...more!” He squeezed your ass in approval as your legs began to shake. He knew what was coming and used his fingers to rub against your bud.
“Fuck..cum for me princess, cum in my mouth and let your hero taste you.” He said as your squirted in his face and Bakugou suck your clit, collecting all your sweet nectar.
“What a good girl,” he said as he came up to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.
“You ready for the main event?” He asked while giving you this cocky grin.
“Please..” you whined out.
“Please what, princess? You’re gonna need to be specific.” He knew what he was doing. He wanted you to beg. And you were going to do it.
“Mm..Please Dynamight! Please fuck me with your cock! Please fuck my pussy!” You begged. He smiled and smacked your ass.
“Good girl.” He said as he pulled down his hero slacks and stepped out of the material. Here he was, Pro-hero Dynamight and your now ex best friend completely stripped infront of you. His member hanging out with a hard erection and your eyes went wide at the length. He noticed this and tilted your chin up so your E/C diamonds could meet his eyes. “Don’t worry, it’ll fit,” he kindly said.
“Doubt it,” you sarcastically replied.
“Then we’ll make it fit, Princess.” You bit your lip in excitement. He pumped his cock a few times before placing the tip at your entrance. He rubbed his tip up and down you slit as he spoke.
“I’ve wanted this for so long princess, and now I’m finally gonna make you mine.” He said before he slammed in as you both cried out in ecstasy.
“Oh-oh my god..” you whimpered. He peppered your face in kisses to distract you from the pain. Once you adjusted to his size, you begged him to move.
“Please..more.”
With your permission, he began to thrust in and out of your heat, with hard, slow strokes. Both of you moaning as the sensation. The way he filled you up completely was euphoric. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, moaning into it as he picked up his pace a little more. You could hear his grunts and soft moans as he sped up, enjoying the way your pussy held him tight.
“Mm...Harder, Dynamight...F-Faster..please!” You whined. Katsuki listened, and he listened well. His strokes went deeper, his speed increased, and he fucked you harder than ever as he went up to your ear.
“Yeah...you want it harder?...deeper?....Mm fuck, faster princess? You like it rough? You like how Dynamight fucks your tight little cunt?” He asked while you cried out in pure pleasure.
“Y-yesss. Oh my god yes Dynamight. Fuck me just like this...ahhh!” Bakugou grabbed onto your ass with both his hands as he pummeled into you. You gripped his hair and he moaned at the feeling. He sucked on one of your tits as he looked at you. God, you were gorgeous. The blush that covered your face, you mouth hanging open with a slight smile as moans fall from it, and your eyes looking up like you’ve been fucked stupid.
“Oh..I’m gonna cum! Please, I’m gonna cum!” You moaned out.
“Not yet Teddy bear. Hold it,” he said as he gave your ass a hard smack and pulled out of you. You whined at the loss of his cock and looked at him with begging eyes.
“Turn around princess. I want you on all fours.” He simply said as he continued to pump his cock.” You moaned at the sight of it and smirked to yourself. He watched as you dragged your hand to your center and began playing with yourself.
“And if I don’t listen?” You smiled as you moaned at the way your fingers rubbed at your pussy. Bakugou grabbed your hand and got in your face before you could go any further.
“Then the brat who wants to cum so bad will cum for me 100 times over as her punishment.” He said as a threat but you only took it the best way possible.
“Sounds fun..Katsuki.” With that, he yanked your hand away from yourself and flipped you over before slamming back into you from behind and smacking your ass again and again.
“Ohh fuck...Ah...you think you’re funny, huh y-you brat? Let’s see how funny you are when I fuck you so dumb the only thing you’ll know is my name.” He said as he pounded into you. Your cried were muffled as you screamed into the mattress.
“Don’t do that, princess, I wanna hear your pretty cries,” he said as he yanked your hair, lifting your head up. He grabbed onto your neck and kissed you as you both loudly moaned into it. He squeezed your neck ever so lightly but tightly as he placed his forehead on yours to look down at where you both meet and become one. He sped up at the sight.
“I bet you love this. I bet you love having Dynamight’s cock deep inside you. Can you feel me? Huh? Feel me in your guts? Feel my big dick deep inside you?” He asked as he looked back at you.
“Y-Yesss! Oh f-fuck...ohhh so big!” Bakugou smiled at your comments and felt you squeeze around him.
“S-shit...you gonna cum? Gonna come on this big dick?” He asked as his hand traveled to you pussy, rubbing at your clit.
“Do it! Do it now, cum on my cock!” You squirted around his cock and Bakugou continued to fuck you through your orgasm and you cried out, and your upper body fell to the mattress. His hands grabbed at your waist as he pounded your pussy. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and bit his bottom lip as he threw his head back moaning out.
“Fuck! Ohh f-fuck, I’m gonna cum. You want my cum princess? Can I fill your pussy with my cum?” He asked while looking down at you. You had little tears poking at the ends of your eyes due to the mass amount of pleasure and Bakugou came at the sight. His thrust stopped as his hips met your ass in a final push, while his cum went deeper into your pussy, filling you to the brim. You both cried out as he finished and he kept himself in there for a little until you both caught your breath. He kissed up your spine to your cheek as he pulled out and layed down next to you.
As he pulled you closer to him he could hear your soft voice.
“A-amazing...Suki.” You said as you nuzzled into his neck. He only smiled as he realized you forgot.
“I hope so, cuz we’re not done teddy bear.” He said while smirking. Your eyes went wide as you looked at him in shock.
“Your punishment. Remember? I want you cumming on my cock a 100 times over. I don’t even want you to be able to walk for the next week.” He said while looking you right in his eyes. You took on his little challenge and straddled his waist before pumping his cock a few times and hovering over it. He watched the whole thing and licked his lips at you.
“Fine then Dynamight,” you said as his hands traveled to your hips. “Show me what you got,” you said as you slammed back down on him releasing cries from both you and him. This was gonna be a fun, long night.
After rounds 2, 3, 4, and 5, you both lie on your bed completely fucked out as you held onto each other. Bakugou was contempt as he held you under his chin and thought you were asleep. You were only resting your eyes with a soft smile on your face. Bakugou kissed the top of your head before softly speaking.
“I’m so sorry for everything I said teddy bear. You are the most amazing person in the world. I just don’t want you to be hurt. I wanna protect you for the rest of my life. I love you with my everything and I really want you to officially be mine. When you wake up, I’m gonna tell you all of this.” Bakugou sighed. Now it was your turn to speak.
“You don’t have to wait Suki,” you softly spoke as Bakugou looked down at you in shock. “I already heard it all, and I want to officially be yours too.” You said while looking right at him.
“Heh..I thought you passed out,” he teased.
“Well then I guess you’re not as good as you thought, Dynamight.” You teased back.
“You tryna say I didn’t fuck you good enough princess?! Cuz I still got enough for one more round that’ll be sure to shut your mouth real quick!” You only laughed at his little outburst.
“I’m good Suki. Trust me, you did more than enough.” You said.
“You’re damn right. And by the way you were screaming my name, I’m sure of it.” He proudly stated.
“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes and softly spoke. You both gently laughed at the teasing and embraced each other once more, but this time a little tighter.
After a few peaceful moments of silence, you heard him speak up.
“So..you’re being serious about really wanting to be mine..right?” Bakugou asked with worry laced in his voice.
“Of course I’m serious Suki. I don’t wanna be anybody else’s but yours.” You said in the cutest voice. Bakugou blushed at the confession.
“Ok then teddy bear. You’re mine now, and I’m never gonna let you go again.” He whispered. “I love you Y/N.”
“I love you too Suki.”
“WHERE WERE YOU?!?? A BANK WAS ROBBED, MULTIPLE PEOPLE WERE MUGGED, AND 2 VILLAIN BRAWLS BROKE OUT ON YOUR PATROL MAN!! ARE YOU GOOD?!?” Red riot screamed into the phone.
“Yeah, yeah I’m good. I’m great actually, a lot of good stuff happened on my patrol.” Bakugou said as he drank from his glass of water.
“Dude. Seriously?” The red head said in disbelief. What could possibly make up for all the crimes committed on his best friend’s watch?!
“Seriously. Gotta go, talk to you later shitty hair.” Katsuki said as he hung up the phone. As he finished cooking, he brought two plates of food to the couch for Y/N and himself. He had to carry Y/N there.
“What was all that about?” Y/N asked as she took a sip from her cup and turning away from the trashy reality show you both were watching.
“Just another reason why you’d make a better hero than me, teddy bear.” You awed at the compliment and cuddled into him. If only you knew how serious he was being.
Kirishima would know. For he was the one running around like a mad man trying to stop all the crimes committed due to his best friend being absent thanks to his horny desires.
A/N: YAYYY MY FIRST REQUEST! I really enjoyed writing this one and I’m sorry if it wasn’t exactly what you were looking for. I’m hope you enjoyed it tho! Feel free to drop more request for me to do!💗🧸
P.S. New series coming on the way!
593 notes · View notes
jean-kayak · 3 years
Text
Anon Request: As someone tired of Y/N’s being spineless cowards around fangirls that disrespect her and cause her issues cuz they love her bf, let’s have Atsumu, Terushima, Oikawa, and Sakusa react to their usually gentle black!gf clocking these bitches with no hesitation. She’s nice and tried to avoid them, but they wanted to intimidate her and they were greeted with a fist to the face with the force of a pro-boxer.
Fangirl: Stay away from him! He belongs to us!
Y/N: 🙂 *cocks back and punches her before looking at other fangirls* Anyone else? No? Good, I’m getting my back blown out after this anyways *goes to her bf*
A/N: lmfao, anon, thank you for giving me a good laugh with this one
Characters: timeskip!Miya Atsumu, Terushima Yuuji, Oikawa Tooru, Sakusa Kiyoomi
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🏐This was one of his games that you could finally go to, your schedule finally being cleared up
🏐It definitely wasn't the same watching your boyfriend play on TV, once again amazed at your boyfriend's talent
🏐He had scored the game winning point, his teammates and the crowd growing wild
🏐You hadn't told him you were coming, wanting to surprise him, so you waited outside of the stands, but you could see the many reporters lined up to interview him
🏐When he was done, you couldn't help but bounce on the balls of your feet, ready to see his reaction
🏐He doesn't notice you at first, so you call his name, and he looks around, his eyes widening when he spots you, and he's running over to you quickly, giving you a huge, sweaty hug
🏐"What're ya doing here?" he asks in disbelief, and you respond that you finally had free time from work
🏐He gives you another hug despite your protests before peppering your face in kisses, and your giggles stop along with his kisses when someone calls his name
🏐You both look and see a group of women all with his jersey number on them, and you instantly recognize them as the fangirls that you've noticed always hanging around whenever he did interviews
🏐He keeps his arm around your waist, and he steps a little closer to them. "Can I help ya?"
🏐You don't miss the way they eye you, and you raise an eyebrow at them
🏐"Is she your sister?"
🏐You laugh beside yourself at the petty question, not even being the least bothered by it, and Atsumu denies it, telling them that you're his girlfriend
🏐They all seemed more than shocked. "Oh," one of them starts. "I just expected her to be different?"
🏐Now you're pissed. Atsumu starts to defend you but you cut him off. "No, no, it's alright. They clearly have something to say," you start, stepping forward. "So, if you do. Say it."
🏐They all look between each other as you raise your eyebrows. "Atsumu there's no way you'd go for someone like her--"
🏐You deck her in the face, rolling your eyes when he falls onto the floor like a dramatic bitch
🏐"Oh, no, it looks like my hand slipped," you reply sarcastically as Atsumu's eyes widen, never seeing you or expecting you to do this
🏐You start walking away, stepping over the girl rolling on the ground holding her nose before turning to Atsumu. "Babe, you gotta get changed, right? Let's go."
🏐He jumps out of the shock he was in, glancing down at the girl on the ground, who's now being helped up by her friends before he runs after you
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✂️"I know, I'm sorry. I'll remember next time," and you roll your eyes at the phrase that he says every time he forgets
✂️You were visiting your boyfriend at work because he had an annoying habit of forgetting his lunch
✂️You walk into the salon, seeing Terushima immediately, and his eyes widen in surprise before turning into a guilty smirk when you hold up the food
✂️"What did I tell you?" you scold when you walk up to him, and he kisses your forehead as he takes the food from you
✂️He thanks you again before giving you a soft kiss on the lips, and you're walking towards the door when you hear it
✂️"You know, Yuuji, you're pretty cute. Did I ever tell you that?"
✂️You stop in your tracks, spinning around on your heels to see his client blatantly flirting with him when you know she saw you interacting with him
✂️He responds with an awkward chuckle as he rubs the back of his neck, stating that he's taken, glancing your way
✂️"Oh, I didn't notice," she replies, and you watch her with a deadpanned look
✂️You walk up beside him, tiltling your head to the side
✂️"You need something?"
✂️She doesn't even seemed phased, giving you a simple shrug that makes you narrow your eyes at her
✂️This was sort of a regular occurrence, but no one's been this bold before, and you always caught the stares from other women, because duh your boyfriend's hot
✂️"This your girlfriend?" she asks, distain in her voice. "She seems like a bitch."
✂️"Excuse me?"
✂️"Aww, don't be like that. Most guys lower their standards, you know?" You cut her off, your fist connecting with her face before Terushima can even blink
✂️She actually tries to fight you back, but she obviously loses, getting to the point where her only goal is getting you off of her
✂️Terushima's thinking that's my girl, but then he's like oh shit, I have to stop this LMFAO
✂️He's quickly pulls you off of her, having a surprisingly hard time doing so
✂️"You chose the wrong one, bitch. Show your face here again and see what happens." She's quick to leave, and when you finally calm down, you realized that you just beat up someone in public, and Terushima almost loses his job 💀
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🇦🇷You both stop when you hear someone call his name, both of you turning your attention towards the voice
🇦🇷You were walking out the gym hand-in-hand with your boyfriend going somewhere to celebrate after another win
🇦🇷When you walk out of the gym, the crowd has pretty much disappear due to Oikawa having a ton of interviews
🇦🇷He wraps his arm around you as you both laugh at an inside joke that you both had before he plants a kiss to your forehead
🇦🇷There's a small group of women with flags and wearing your boyfriend's jersey and he gives them a polite smile
🇦🇷This is nothing new for either of you, both of you already knowing what they want
🇦🇷He asks if they want a picture, already knowing the answer, and you easily take the pictures, this routine like clockwork to you
🇦🇷They giggle happily as you hand the phone back to one of them, and they all thank him before one of them speaks up
🇦🇷"Uh, this might sound weird, but are you seeing anyone?" You blink dumbly at her, like they didn't just see the two of you together
🇦🇷Oikawa has the same look on his face as he walks back to you, wrapping an arm around your waist before kissing your temple as he gives them a duh look, silently answering her question
🇦🇷"Are you sure?" another asks, and both you and Oikawa frown at the same time, as you feel yourself scoff
🇦🇷"More than anything in the world," he responds confidently
🇦🇷This isn't the first time fangirls have tried to come between your relationship, and he'll be damned if he lets it happen again
🇦🇷They all give each other questionable looks as you roll your eyes
🇦🇷"Is there a problem?" The tone in your voice surprises him, this being the first time he's heard aggression towards someone
🇦🇷"No, of course not," one answers sarcastically before reaching over and tugging your boyfriend over to them, the force so hard that he almost falls over. "We just think he would look better, happier with one of us."
🇦🇷You chuckle as you shake your head, and you reach over to take your hand off of your boyfriend, but she grabs at your wrist
🇦🇷Your reflexes are quick to kick in, and you yank both yours and Oikawa's wrist out of her grip before punching her in the face, probably harder than you needed to, but you were fucking pissed
🇦🇷Another girl tries to lunge for you, but you buck at her, making her quickly recoil. "You trynna get hit too?"
🇦🇷Oikawa's more than surprised, but he quickly puts his hand in yours before pulling you away from them with a proud smirk on his face
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😷He sighs heavily as he turns to see a couple of women walking towards the both of you, his shoulders slumping slightly
😷Sakusa's never been a big fan of groups of people coming up to him after games, his number one priority getting home and relaxing after his game
😷You understand this pretty well, always helping him make his way out of the gym trying to find the route with the lowest chance of coming in contact with a lot of people
😷You had just made it out the doors, and Sakusa's about to take a breath of relief when he hears someone yelling his name
😷He's not really used to having "fangirls" a term that you use, and bottom line, he doesn't like it
😷They always crowd him, always trying to pry into his personal life, which is why he was so drawn to you when you first met
😷You were the complete opposite, more on the gentle, quieter side which he appreciated, liking that he could come home to you after a lot of excitement and just relax
😷"I'm sorry, but Sakusa doesn't really do pictures," you speak up, another reason why he really appreciates you, showing you by giving your hand a soft squeeze
😷But to his dismay, they don't back down, they actually turn pretty hostile pretty quickly
😷"Oh, relax, it's just one picture," she argues, and you give her a small smile
😷"I know, but seriously, he doesn't really care for them," you try again, and they both scoff
😷"What are you? His babysitter?" You raise your eyebrows at them as you turn your body towards them
😷"I'm his girlfriend. And I'm telling you that he doesn't want a picture."
😷"Well, you seem like a piece of shit girlfriend." You run your tongue over your teeth as you nod your head, and she actually has the audacity to try and reach for you
😷Before Sakusa can stop her, you dodge her hand before clocking her in the face, she hunches over in pain
😷The other girl tries to do the same, but you repeat your actions, putting her in the same position as her friend
😷"You got some audacity you dumb bitch, the fuck?"
😷To say the least, Sakusa is floored, your actions he least expected to come from you
😷"Hope you enjoy your broken nose. I'm gonna enjoy my boyfriend fucking his piece of shit girlfriend into next week."
😷Sakusa chokes as you pull him away, his face heating up at your words
😷"Did you really have to end with that?"
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emelywrites · 3 years
Note
Hi there! Could you write a fic about Diego and the Little Hargreeves? After being basically raised by Diego, she is very close to him, right? I think it would be interesting to see how their father’s funeral happens with them there. Cuz their other siblings barely got to know her, but Diego is more a father figure to her than Reggie ever was, and how she would stand by Diego in everything and showing how much they love each other and rely on one another (he would be so overprotective for sure)
Oh my god, I’m so sorry I took several months to get back to this but honestly I didn’t know where to begin. Now, these past few days I’ve been writing this, and I hope you enjoy. 
(For more parts see my Masterlist)
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We Only See Each Other At Weddings And Funerals
Reginald Hargreeves was dead. You, 25 years old, far away from home, trying to stand on your own two feet, could not really care any less. You hadn’t seen your father since you and Diego had gone away from home. After you had graduated you went on to college across the country and now, deep in student’s debt and having just started to work, you truly did resent him.
What does one have an eccentric billionaire of a distant father for if not to pay one’s student debt? When you heard about it on the news one night you called Diego.
“Maybe there’s something in the will for you. God knows, you need it, Little”, he said.
“And to whom would he give something in his will? ‘The other child’? ‘The seven called her Little or something’?”, you wondered while putting some strong alcohol in your cart.
“And even if there isn’t. If you’re there we can discuss what you get. I don’t wanna go either but it feels like I truly have to”, he argued, “I think I’ll need you there, too.”
You sighed. He knew you couldn’t say no to him. He had raised you and that weighed quite heavily as an argument. “Fine. But I’m out the second someone asks who the hell I am and what the hell I want.”
That night you got quite tipsy and went to bed early because your drunk brain wouldn’t let you stay up. The next day at work you organised for a week off so you could go home for “a loved one’s funeral”, trying not to gag while you said that. 
On the train ride to The City you contemplated all the different scenarios that could play out. But nothing came to mind, really. Honestly, you didn’t even know what the others looked like. Diego and you tried to see each other as often as possible, so at least you were excited to see him. When you got off the train, he was waiting for you on the platform. You smiled brightly and ran into his arms, the duffle bag on your back slowing you down slightly and hopping around.
After you’d hugged for a little while he pulled back and took your bag. “Have you seen anyone yet?”, you asked on your way to the car.
“Well, yeah, I saw Klaus a while ago when I got him back into rehab. Not too excited about the rest”, he mumbled.
“I mean, Alison’s last film was pretty good apparently. I couldn’t go see it but I heard good things about it. It’s always great to hear “Hey, are you related to that actress? Cause you, like, have the same name and stuff.””, you laughed.
“Oh, and you know The Times’ alright selling author, Vanya, of course”, he rolled his eyes.
“You know, I think she was right. She was treated awfully, and so was I.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t write a book about it, for everyone to see, without even asking if we were okay with it.”
“Well, you wouldn’t have been alright with it.”
“Exactly my point”, he threw the bag in the backseat while you got in on the passenger’s side.
“Let her be, Diego. She’s been through enough, she doesn’t need us beating her up over living her life the way she wants to.”
He just rolled his eyes and then you proceeded to spend the rest of the car ride talking about your siblings and what had gone on in your lives while you didn’t see each other. When he parked the car next to your childhood home you looked at it with dread.
“Damn, this is what I took a week off for?”, you asked quietly, as if Dad could hear you if you spoke up.
Diego laughed. “Pretend you took the week off to see me.” You both smiled at that and got out of the car.
You took your own bag again and you entered the house. Pogo greeted you at the door.
“Oh, Master Diego, how nice to see you. Miss Hargreeves, I wasn’t expecting you.”
You gave him a short half smile and wrapped your hand around Diego’s wrist, trying to tell him that you didn’t want to make conversation and just get it over with.
“Nice to see you, too, Pogo. (Y/N) and I thought it’d be nice if she came along because she’s his daughter, too, you know. More than any of us, really”, Diego grumbled, obviously disappointed that you weren’t wanted.
“(Y/N)?”, Pogo asked, “That’s a very nice name, Miss Hargreeves.”
“Thank you. Diego came up with it after we moved out. Most people in the world outside this house have normal names”, you said.
You stood in awkward silence for a couple moments until Diego and Pogo nodded in a silent goodbye and you took off to explore the rest of the house.
“It hasn’t changed at all.”
Later that day all six of you stood in the courtyard, along with Grace and Pogo. Luther dumped the ashes while you stood next to Diego, his arm wrapped around you in a protective manner. You raised an eyebrow and let out a mocking snort when you looked at the pile of ashes on the ground, slowly getting soaked in the rain.
“You have anything to say, Little?”, Luther said with a raised eyebrow.
“No”, you said quickly.
Diego looked at you, who was looking at the ground, a smile that was trying to suppress a laugh on your face. The corner of his mouth twitched as he also tried to suppress his smile.
“You think it’s funny? Really? Dad died. Why are you even here?”, Luther asked you as he stepped closer.
“Hey, leave her alone, man”, Diego said.
“No, he’s right, it is funny”, you interrupted, “Look at that. It’s a pathetic pile of dust, that’s all he is now. That’s basically how he treated me my entire life, kind of ironic, huh?”
Alison snorted and Vanya’s lips twitched into a smile, before it immediately disappeared again.
“I’m here because I’m his daughter, too. Honestly, I’m hoping to pay off my student debt with a tiny piece of inheritance that I might not even receive because he forgot I existed. Some of my friends told me that their parents paid for their tuition, isn’t that crazy? And all my friends told me that their parents noticed them growing up. Anyway, I’m gonna get out of the Umbrella Academy’s hair. I was right, I shouldn’t have come.”
You turned to leave when Diego pulled you back. “You’re right. You have a right to be here just as much as the rest of us. Leave her alone, Luther. That’s my sister you’re attacking.”
“Boys, we don’t need a fight today or any day, really”, Alison tried to step up.
“This isn’t about you, this is about Little here, trying to sneak her way back in when it’s convenient.”
“It’s (Y/N) now, actually. And we’re all doing just that right now. We all left as soon as we could. You can’t fucking blame her for existing”, Diego shoved Luther, “Just because you stayed Daddy’s little boy doesn’t mean the rest of us didn’t grow up.”
Luther glared at Diego and then lunged at him. Everyone tried to do something about the two of them fighting but of course they never stopped until they knocked over Ben’s statue. I tightly grabbed Diego’s hand with a frown on my face and my eyebrows drawn together. Luther glared at us and then stomped off. The rest of us followed shortly thereafter.
This had been a bad idea.
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alirhi · 3 years
Text
random story snippet
@goblin-tea this is part of that story I was talking about/sending you bits of. I'll get into the better stuff (imo) in a bit, but this is a much better example of what the main characters are like than what I sent earlier lol
“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto,” she mumbled, still clinging to Audrey’s hand as she nervously followed Fiona’s example and took a moment to study the immediate area.
“No shit, Sherlock,” the blonde growled, yanking her hand away. Rebecca could stand there like an idiot if she chose, but damn it! She was going to explore and find a way home, right now. Clearly, her friend’s oh-so-brilliant spell had backfired quite horribly, and now they were lost, with no idea of where they were, when they were, or what was going…
Her thoughts were jarringly interrupted when Rebecca suddenly let out a short, high-pitched scream, causing both of her friends to jump.
“WHAT?!” Spinning to face the taller woman, she took a deep breath in preparation to chew her out, and then promptly hid behind her. “…Is that a dinosaur?”
“Deinonychus,” Rebecca confirmed in a reverent whisper. Her screech had been from excitement, rather than fear; the giant grin on her freckled face was evidence enough of that. Though she knew she was the only one who cared about the details, she still explained in a rush, “Fast, smart, and very deadly carnivore from the late Cretaceous period, probably the basis for the oversized velociraptors in Jurassic Park… A raptor’s colorful feathers make it look like a ridiculous, disproportionate toucan, which is probably why the producers chose to make it look more like our friend here. Fossils of the deinonychus have never been found with any indication of feathers.”
“It does have feathers, you walking Wiki!” Audrey hissed, stepping back. No way in hell was she going to stand there like an idiot and get eaten by some parrot on crack.
Fiona remained rooted in place beside the other redhead, though she did stoop to pick up Rebecca's forgotten staff, just in case the curious animal decided to attack. A tiny smile played at the edges of her lips at the toucan comparison. It did sort of look like one, in a weird way…
Swallowing past the sudden lump in her throat, their nerdy friend nodded. “Yeah… Most of this type of dinosaur did, so paleontologists kinda figured the deinonychus would, too.”
The prehistoric bird of prey studied them, almost seeming to ponder something. Just as Rebecca was about to make a Philosoraptor joke, the fascinating – if deadly – beast twitched, letting out a series of loud clicking noises.
“…Huh. Whaddaya know. That dude on youtube was right…” An answering call echoed from somewhere to the left of the three shivering girls, and startled the amateur paleontologist out of her daze. “Oh shit.”
“What?” Both of her friends shot her nervous glances, reluctant to take their eyes off of the giant predator. Why wasn’t it moving?
“Run.” When Fiona shot her an incredulous look, Rebecca shook her head. Normally, yes, she would caution against any sudden moves around a wild animal, but this was different. More clicks from their right, answered by the one animal they could see, illustrated why. “He’s calling in reinforcements – run!”
That was all the motivation the shivering blonde needed. With a terrified shriek, Audrey turned and bolted into the forest, Rebecca and Fiona hot on her heels.
“I think it’s safe to assume,” the oldest woman gasped out, jumping over a fallen tree limb, “that we’ve somehow been sent back too far.”
“Ya THINK?!”
"Now's not the time to get snippy!” Her lungs were burning, her legs cramping, and though she could hear the creature gaining on them, she had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn’t putting forth much effort. She and her surrogate sister were both overweight to the point of obesity, and as such, speed wasn’t exactly on their side. In fact, it had been one of the things they’d hoped to go back and change; if they never got fat, they wouldn’t have to deal with the health problems associated with it or the hassle of constantly trying and failing to lose it.
Risking a glance to the side, she noticed Fiona keeping pace with them, and winced. She was hanging back to help them, she knew. By far the skinniest and healthiest of the three of them, she was lightning fast compared to the other two. While both her companions were morbidly obese, Fiona was lithe and fit, with legs like a gazelle. She was going slowly so she could defend them with that big stick if she had to. That was the only logical explanation Rebecca could come up with. The fact that the 'big stick' was her own walking stick was momentarily lost on the eldest of the three.
Mother above, she prayed desperately, if there’s even a trace of magic left in my blood, please, please unleash it now to give us speed.
Too angry and frightened to bother with logic, Audrey just rolled her eyes, yelping when it caused her to trip over a rock and nearly sent her sprawling. Fiona caught her by the arm and helped her steady herself, and she managed a tiny grateful smile, even as she snapped at the redhead, “Shut up! It’s your fault that we’re in our own personal Jurassic Hell, being chased by a fucking raptor!”
“Cretaceous!” Rebecca snarled, dodging around a rather intimidating thorny bush. “And it’s not a raptor, it’s-”
“I DON’T CARE!”
“It’s actually quite fascinating,” Rebecca asserted through wheezing gasps for breath, “if you think about it. We finally… get to see… proof… that dino…saurs… were more like…flightless…birds…than…”
“I don’t give a shit if we’re being chased by an ostrich or a crocodile!” Audrey screeched before her friend could finish. “If I end up something’s lunch, it’s your fault! And you know what? Fuck you! Fuck your stupid spell. Fuck your obsessions. Fuck your fucking imaginary friend and the horse you both rode in on for good measure!” Even in a life-or-death situation, somehow an old inside joke popped into her head, and she managed to suck in a deep enough breath to scream, "AND YES, HE'S NAMED 'SIDEWAYS'!"
“Guys, this really isn’t the time to be arguing,” Fiona pointed out as calmly as she could, glancing over her shoulder to see how they were faring. It wasn't good. She could deal with Audrey and her rather offensive temper tantrum later, she decided; escaping the turkey-sized ball of feathers and teeth chasing them took precedence.
“Sorry…” Pouting a little, the blonde risked a glance back, and nearly wet herself when she saw that their prehistoric pursuer was getting closer and closer. “Oh, fuck me…” Something brushed the side of her head, and she jumped, but it was only a leaf hanging down from another large tree.
Wait. Leaf…tree… She glanced up, relieved to see that the branch was low enough for her to grab hold. Circling around so that she wouldn’t get caught by their feathered menace, she pushed herself just a little bit more and managed to haul herself up onto the branch. “Guys!”
“What are you doing?!” Rebecca cried, having been too focused on running to notice where Audrey had gone. Fiona had been taking up the rear, focus switching between the others and the predator, but had been looking primarily in the latter’s direction for a few minutes. When she turned and saw only Rebecca standing there, she froze and glanced around. As they spotted Audrey in the tree, they also became aware of the fact that their enemy seemed a lot closer than before.
“Can raptors climb?” Audrey called out, wincing as she watched the scene unfold. Though she had long legs and strong, muscular calves, Rebecca outweighed her by a good fifty pounds, and it was visibly taking its toll. She was tiring, and the blonde just prayed she could pull herself up to safety before that thing or its as-yet unseen companions ripped her apart. She had plenty of reasons not to worry too much about Fiona.
“Come on.” Urging her tiring friend on, the skinnier redhead decided to take at least this one cue from Audrey and circled around the trunk of a massive tree, making sure Rebecca followed. It confused their attacker, bought them a little time, and kept them from getting out of earshot of Audrey.
At her friend’s soft, gentle reminder of what she’d been asked, Rebecca frowned. She wanted to remind the treed woman that they weren’t being chased by a velociraptor, but dismissed it as a waste of time. Instead, she considered her question as she doubled back.
Could this breed of dinosaurs climb? “I…I’m not sure,” she panted, one hand coming up to press against her chest. “I don’t think so. Their arms are probably too small to pull them up.”
“Then get your ass up here!”
They reached the tree, and Fiona quickly jumped up like it was nothing, setting the staff aside and braced across two nearby branches to keep it from falling. She and Audrey then each stretched out an arm, hands extended to grab Rebecca’s and pull her up as the youngest of the three continued, “And pray Jurassic Park was wrong about more than just the raptor’s appearance, cuz here he comes, and if he brought friends, you’re toast!”
“It’s not a raptor!” Rebecca reached for their hands, though she harbored little hope that she could actually get her fat ass up there. With or without their help, in her mind, she was dead.
“Please note, you’re the only one who cares,” the other young woman grumbled, grasping her friend’s wrist and exerting every bit of strength she had left to pull her to safety. Rebecca had virtually no upper body strength, and without Audrey and Fiona, would never be able to make it up onto the branch, despite being taller than both of them.
She almost dropped the larger girl when she suddenly yelped. Fiona glared at her, trying to compensate by taking more of their friend’s weight until she got a better grip on her arm.
Still a bit startled, she searched Rebecca’s eyes for some sign of what the hell that had been about, and found only fear. “What? What’s wrong?”
“Pull me up! Pull me up!” Refusing to say anything else, she gritted her teeth and pushed with all her might, kicking all the while. What she knew the blonde couldn’t see from her perch was that the dinosaur had caught up to her while they both struggled, and had grabbed hold of her calf with its sharp claws. Suddenly, she was glad for the long leather boots that, only moments before, she’d been cursing.
As the creature went for Rebecca again, Fiona grabbed the staff and whacked it as hard as she could over the head. It turned on her for a moment, but before it could do anything, Rebecca kicked it in the face. Taking advantage of the opportunity she’d just created, she stood on the hungry animal’s head and pushed off. At last, she was seated on the rough limb, with the deinonychus just barely out of reach. Gasping desperately for air as she turned and clung to Audrey, she glanced down at the bewildered creature and managed a breathless “thanks!” The moment Rebecca was safely out of reach, Fiona crept along the branch and headed for a different one. The tree was old and strong, but the three of them in the same spot could easily snap the branch and send them right to the dinosaur’s clutches.
Once she settled on another perch, they sat there for a moment, contemplating their luck, both good and bad, and watching the hungry animal watch them. All three knew that with a little effort, the thing could probably reach the two on the lower branch with those lethal, powerful jaws. Since it had clearly not yet figured this out, none of them really cared. Audrey was exhausted and sore, the entirety of her plump body throbbing unbearably now that adrenaline had begun to flee her as she had fled the dinosaur. Fiona was desperately trying to get her breath back, and though she felt fine otherwise, she knew she’d feel like she’d been hit by a bus in the morning. Rebecca, too, was exhausted and sore, though the pain in her muscles and joints hadn’t yet registered. Her gaze shifted from the restless animal to the long jagged tears in the back of her skirt, which she studied with a sort of numb, detached fascination.
“Well,” she said finally, still scarcely able to breathe. “That was exhilarating.”
Fiona laughed.
“Exhilarating?” Audrey gaped at her. “Are you fucking kidding me? We just almost became something’s soon-to-be-fossilized lunch!”
Shrugging, Rebecca glanced down at the prehistoric lizard…bird…thing. And suddenly she felt pity for it, and all the living things around them. After a long silence, during which the deinonychus finally lost interest and stormed off in search of easier prey, she finally murmured, “We survived, didn’t we? That’s more than anything else in this time period can say.” Where were its companions? The question bubbled up out of nowhere, and once formed, refused to be dismissed. She'd heard it call to someone, and heard an answer... Or had she? Had she imagined it all?
“We don’t belong in this time period!” Audrey's reply startled her out of her confused reverie. Her voice was shrill, expression aghast as she stared at the other woman as if she’d lost her mind. Perhaps that was obvious. For a second, she considered that maybe shehad gone mad, and this whole nightmarish situation was just a scene playing out in her ever-overactive imagination.
Then she shifted, and the ankle she’d twisted when she tripped on a rock sent a twinge of pain up her leg. The idea of any of this being anything less than horribly, undeniably real was scrapped, and she glanced around. She would merely search for makeshift supplies, she decided. She would rewrite Rebecca’s stupid spell, and get them back to the present. If this experience was meant to teach them anything, she was sure it was that the past can’t be changed, which she was suddenly ready to accept as Gospel truth. Life sucked, but they could make it better if they just focused less on whining about it, and more on actually doing something about it.
A strange weight on her mind drew her from her thoughts and she turned to look. Rebecca was staring at her.
Huffing a bit, she gestured to her shredded clothing. “That’s going to get infected. You’ll probably die before the week is out.”
“Thanks, Captain Optimism,” the other woman growled, rolling her eyes.
“We don’t have anything to wrap it with!” she snapped, interrupting her friend’s attempt to assure her that she was fine.
“I can rip something if you want,” Fiona offered, gesturing to her clothes.
“We have no idea what’s poisonous and what’s not,” Audrey continued to rant as if the other young woman hadn’t spoken, “We’re about sixty-five million years away from peroxide, never mind penicillin. And all of this is assuming you just get some kind of nasty infection. Every carnivore with at least one nostril can probably smell all that blood for miles. If we don’t get the hell back to modern times, you are going to die!”
To shut her up, Rebecca sighed and reached down, shoving her torn skirt out of the way to show the long scratches across her boot. She could see them alright through the slashes in her skirt, but clearly Audrey was less observant. “I’m not bleeding, genius. He was aiming to grab, not gut; he didn’t get through the leather.” She gestured, but wasn’t the least bit surprised when Audrey only shook her head and looked away.
“I’m just worried about you,” she whispered, much more subdued as the fight slowly drained from her. “You got lucky this time, but as long as we stay here, we’re in danger every second, from everything.”
As if only just then remembering that Fiona was there, she whipped around and stared up over her shoulder at her. "And how the hell are you still corporeal? How were you ever in the first place? I mean, nice to meet you, I guess? But what the actual fuck is going on?!"
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tchallasbabymama · 3 years
Text
M’Baku’s Love- Chapter 4
Heyyyyyy y’all, enjoy chapter 4! Check out my masterlist HERE to catch up and read my other fics. Let me know if you want to be tagged!
Word count: 3052 After their kiss, Monae seemed to be avoiding him. They arrived and left at the same time almost every day, but she always found her way to her car quickly and was gone before he even stepped out the door. About a week had passed before M’Baku grew sick of it and headed down to her office to confront her on the sudden change of behavior when he almost ran over N’Jadaka.
“Yo, what’s up with you?” asked the prince.
“Nothing.”
“Nigga you walking around here looking like ‘Hulk smash’, what’s wrong?”
M’Baku sighed, not in the mood to deal with N’Jadaka at the moment. He reluctantly gave in, knowing he needed to talk to someone before he did something stupid like barge in on her in her office like he had planned.
“She is not talking to me.”
“Who, Monae? The fuck you do?” His right eyebrow lifted as he eyed M’Baku curiously. The Jabari chief rolled his eyes.
“Nothing! I just- we kissed,” M’Baku sighed. “And she has not spoken to me since.”
“All I’m hearing is you’re a bad kisser,” N’Jadaka smirked.
“...Is your cousin still here?” M’Baku deadpanned.
“Nope, you’re stuck with me and Lil Bit.”
M’Baku started massaging his temples, he could feel the stress headache creeping up on him. 
“Fine,” he gave in as he and the prince ducked out of the hallway and into an empty conference room.
“The issue was not my kissing, the issue is that damn ring on her finger. Sometimes she is hot, sometimes she is as cold as the mountains. I know she is engaged, but I cannot help but want to be around her.”
“Damn, you got it bad. What happened to being ‘unattached’ while you’re here? I was just talking to Neicey, the new Black American history teacher, about you and she seems like she’s down for whatever, if you know what I mean. She might be able to help you get Monae off the brain. Here’s her number.” He handed M’Baku a slip of paper. “You do know how to use your phone right?” 
M’Baku loved the prince like family, but sometimes he just wanted to punch him in his smug face. 
“Yes I know how to use my phone, N’Jadaka.”
“Don't ‘N’Jadaka’ me, I’m trying to help your big ass.”
“You are right,” he conceded with a sigh and looked down at the number in his hand. “You said her name is Niecey?”
“Yup. Go talk to her, she doesn’t have another class until 3. Last time I saw her she was down by the court.” N’Jadaka said while walking backwards and disappearing through the door, leaving M’Baku alone to think about his next moves. 
Of course he wanted to pursue Monae, but he knew that would be a dead end with the way she was treating him now. He decided a little fresh air wouldn’t hurt and stuffed her number into his pocket before heading outside to the basketball court. 
M’Baku saw her before she saw him, and once again Monae ran straight into him. Without even looking up she knew who it was. She’d know that body and that cologne anywhere.
“M’Baku! Hi, I’m sorry...again,” she tried to laugh off her nervousness.”Anyways, gotta jet!”
“Not so fast,” M’Baku lightly grabbed her arm. “Why have you been avoiding me?”
“I’m not-” M’Baku cut her off with an eyebrow raise and a look that made her heart beat in her pussy. “Ok fine I am.”
“Why though?” He pulled her in closer and she backed away.
“Because that kiss should never have happened and if I’m around you too much it might happen again.”
He smirked.
“So you avoid me because you cannot keep your hands and lips off me? That is understandable, I have been told I am irresistible.”
She chuckled, neither confirming nor denying his statement.
“Monae, as much as it pains me to say this, we could just stay friends. That way you keep your honor and I get to keep you in my life without you running away every time you see me. Eh?”
Monae was quiet for a moment, contemplating the proposal. Could she really  be friends with this man?
“Deal.” She reached her hand out to shake on it and he returned the gesture.
“So where were you ‘jetting’ off to?” M’Baku asked her as they walked towards the front doors of the outreach center. 
“Home, actually. I know it’s early but my sister, Jazz, is in town and I want to spend as much time with her as possible before her break is over.”
“Oh, well, have fun and give her my best.”
“Will do.”
And with that, they parted. Monae headed to her car and peeled out of the parking lot while M’Baku watched with a smile on his face. Friends? Who was he kidding?
Shaking all non-platonic thoughts of her out of his head, he finally made his way to the basketball court where he noticed Niecey heading right for him.
“M’Baku, right?” She asked, clearly knowing the answer already.
“Yes, and you must be Niecey.” He took her hand and kissed the back of it.
“I am. So N’Jadaka tells me you’ve had your eye on me...I thought you were feeling Monae for a minute there.” she laughed.
“Monae? She is engaged. So, would you like to go to dinner tonight? You pick, my treat.” he tried to play it off and change the subject. Luckily it worked and her face lit up at his proposition.
“Ok, it’s a date.”
_______
“Look, she is a nice girl, but she was so...dull. I had to try way too hard to engage her in conversation.”
“Maybe she was nervous?” Shuri asked, only halfway listening as she examined the communication device designs her highschool aged students came up with. 
“For what? It was only dinner,” M’Baku sat down in a huff.
“Some people get nervous around people they like, M’Baku, it’s normal,” the princess said defensively.
“Ohhh, the plot thickens,” said N’Jadaka as he entered the room. “They didn’t like the flowers?”
M’Baku and Shuri answered at the same time.
“What flowers?”
“Shut up!”
“My bad cuz, I thought that’s what- you know what? Imma go-”
“Actually I would like to talk to you after we discuss the princess and her crush.” M’Baku added teasingly.
“They’re not- ugh, fine.”
“How did you meet?” M’Baku asked her, desperate to talk about anything other than his boring date with Neicey.
“I met them at a conference for Teens in Tech at UC Berkeley. They’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, but they barely know I exist and I didn’t send the flowers because I chickened out. There, happy?” she rolled her eyes and went back to her work.
M’Baku grinned, finding her nervousness a nice change of pace from her usual arrogance. 
“Ah, young love. I do not miss it,” he mused.
“Oh like your situation is any better? At least my crush is single.”
“At least I can talk to mine,” he said under his breath.
“Not without her fiance coming up to the Center,” Shuri pointed behind M’Baku to a tall thin man in a nice suit heading down the hallway towards them.
“Derrick, my man. How’s it going?” N’Jadaka put on a fake smile and tried to dap him up, but Derrick wasn’t on the same page so it ended up being more of an awkward fist bump.
“Going good, going good. Just here to see my girl,” he turned and stuck his hand out to M’Baku. “I don’t think we’ve met. Derrick Jones, attorney at law.” M’Baku stared at his hand a little too long before shaking it.
“Lord M’Baku, Chief of the Jabari,” he introduced himself with a sly smile.
“Oh a chief? That’s awesome man, I bet all this is boring as hell to you huh?”
“Quite the contrary.”
“Cool...cool...well, I gotta go find Momo. See you all later!” 
Shuri gagged as he walked away and they all looked at each other in disgust at the nickname.
“‘Nae’ would be so cute, but ‘Momo’?...For an adult human? Absolutely not, I don't know how she stands that man.” Shuri rambled on about her disdain for Derrick. “Did you see how he deflated when M’Baku introduced himself with his title? He thought being an attorney was such a big deal? Ha!”
M’Baku couldn’t help but laugh and agree with the princess. Even without Monae in the picture the man was insufferable.
“And he didn’t even acknowledge you.” N’Jadaka added, shaking his head.
“Nope, just the men.” Shuri smiled sarcastically before turning to the chief. “If it’s not clear already, I’m on Team M’Baku. Fuck that guy, Monae deserves better. Even if it's not you, she doesn't deserve...that.”
“I agree...and thank you, I knew I would grow on you eventually.”
“Yes well it would’ve gone quicker had you not insulted my intelligence when we first met. This ‘child’ can hold a grudge.”
“Oh I am aware.” They smiled at each other before M’Baku’s assistant found them and interrupted.
“Excuse me, M’Baku?”
“Yes, Deontae.”
“There’s a phone call for you from Abiola, he says it’s urgent. Something about a snow bank...”
“Ah yes, thank you. Udakus, I will see you both later.” M’Baku saluted them in jest and was on his way to handle his business when he overheard two people arguing in a conference room.
“You don’t have to! I make more than enough money!” said a man whose voice M’Baku couldn't quite place. He continued down the hall with Deontae typing away on his tablet, but stopped in his tracks when he heard the other person. They both looked up at each other, recognizing Monae’s voice immediately.
“But I want to! What part of that don’t you get? I like being here with these kids a-and these people. The Wakandans are amazing and-”
“I’m sure they are sweetie, but this neighborhood is dangerous and I don’t like you being here. Do you know how many kids are probably downstairs trying to break into my car as we speak?!”
M’Baku rolled his eyes and he and Deontae shared a look. No matter how nice his car was, it wouldn’t attract anywhere near as much attention as the Wakandan technology in the Center. 
His disdain for Derrick grew as he realized he had just mentally defended the useless gadgets of the lowlanders. 
“Nobody wants your stupid car Derrick! There are literal hovercrafts in this building, nobody cares about your Audi.”
Deontae stifled a laugh.
“Wow, so it's like that? Why are you lashing out at me?”
“I’m not lashing out at you, I just want to keep my job that I love and you didn’t even ask me about moving first!”
“I figured if you didn’t want to go with me we could do long distance. LA isn’t that far-”
“Yes it is.”
Derrick let out an exasperated sigh.
“I’m taking this job whether you're coming or not. You need to figure out your priorities.”
Deontae’s jaw dropped and he wasn’t able to pull it back in time when the door swung open and Derrick pushed past the two of them. When Monae looked up and saw them her face turned to stone. She was horrified that they had just witnessed her in such a vulnerable state.
“My apologies, we were just walking by and-”
“We didn’t hear anything!” Deontae forced out. M’Baku gave him a look and he shrugged. He wasn’t good under pressure.
Monae wiped her eyes and M’Baku felt so helpless. All he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and make everything better...that and beat Derrick senseless. 
“It’s ok, we were uh, pretty loud,” she said, avoiding eye contact with M’Baku.
“What do you need from me?” He asked her, his voice soft as a pillow. Deontae’s head tilted to the side as he took in the scene before him.
She thought about it for a moment, not able to say what she really wanted, which was to crawl into his big strong arms and never leave.
“Just some time,” she sniffled and cleared her throat. “Are we still on for lunch?”
“Of course-”
“Great, see you then!”
Monae breezed right past them and towards her office, and Deontae turned to see M’Baku’s dejected face.
“Wooooooow,” he started with a laugh. “Woooow… you like her don’t you?”
“Keep your voice down,” M’Baku whisper yelled, looking around for any possible prying ears.
“You got good taste, I’ll give you that. Shitty circumstances though.”
“Yeah, tell me about it…” M’Baku’s shoulders slumped as they made their way back to his office.
--------
“You have barely touched your burrito.”
Monae looked down at her plate and noticed he was right.
“I guess my appetite isn't too big today, too much on my mind.” She sighed and pushed her plate forward.
“I know it might be weird, but as your friend you can always talk to me about anything.” M’Baku knew he didn’t want to talk about Derrick, but he would do anything to make her feel better.
She looked at him for a few moments before she began. “I don’t know how much you heard, but Derrick got a job in LA and wants me to move with him. He’s always hated that I work here for some reason...I just wish he would have discussed it with me first, you know?” She twisted the ring on her finger and bit her lip nervously. M’Baku nodded to show he was listening, but his eye kept being drawn down to her ring. That little silver band with the fancy rocks in it that meant so much to her.
“He just- he means well, he does. He wants what’s best for me-”
“But should that not include what you want?” he asked in earnest, trying very hard to remain friendly. “If he is to be your husband, ask yourself if you can marry a man who doesn’t listen-”
“M’Baku”
“-to what you say you want. What do you see in him? He treats you like a child-”
“M’Baku, stop! Ok, I didn’t ask for this. It’s more complicated than that.”
“It doesn’t have to be…”
She looked at him as a tear escaped. 
“It’s been seven years M’Baku, I can’t just throw that away!”
“So you would rather waste a lifetime being miserable all over seven measley years?”
She stared at him with a silent fury in her eyes.
“I knew this was a bad idea.” Monae called the waiter to bring her a to-go box and her check, refusing to let M’Baku pay for her this time. 
“Monae, I-”
“Don't bother. I’ve had enough men telling me what to do for one day.”
M’Baku had never meant to make her feel that way, and as she left the restaurant his heart sank. 
The walk back to the Center was a blur, as was the rest of the day. M’Baku couldn’t get her words out of his head. He decided to give the one person he knew he could come to with this a call, hoping they would answer.
“My son, how is America treating you? You have not seen any police have you?”
“Just in passing, mama.”
“That is still too close for my liking with those killing machines they carry everywhere. Are you eating? You look thin. I will send some stew with the king next time he goes to the Center.”
M’Baku smiled warmly at his mother’s unnecessary concern. He was eating just fine and hadn’t lost a single pound, but he would never in his right mind turn down his mother’s cooking. 
“Thank you mama, I would love that. How are things?”
“I will be happy when you come back and I can retire again. The council is driving me crazy. This week the big issue is snow bank height. Can you imagine? Arguing over damn snow banks.”
He chuckled, missing his mother’s animated voice. 
“Now, you have not called me all week. What is wrong?” she abruptly changed the subject.
“Why does something have to be wrong?”
She sucked her teeth and he could already picture the look on her face. It’s the same one he gets when he senses bullshit.
“M’Baku, I raised you. I know you, now talk to me.”
He let out a deep sigh, contemplating how much he should tell her.
“I met a woman here, but she is engaged to a man who does not treat her well.”
“Engaged? M’Baku I raised you better than that-”
“I know mama, but I did not know at first. Apparently here the women wear rings to signify they are betrothed.”
“Just the women?”
“Yes, it is quite an odd culture.”
“I can see that...well son if you truly have feelings for her and this man does not treat her the way she should be treated, what would it hurt to make your feelings known?”
“That is the thing, mama. She knows, we-” he sighed, knowing this wouldn’t go over well. “We kissed.”
There was silence on the other end of the line before a slow chuckle turned into a belly laugh, leaving him confused and speechless.
“Mama, are you done?”
“I am sorry son,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “You just reminded me so much of your baba. You know, we were in a similar situation. He was in your shoes, and I was the young lady. What is her name?”
“Monae.”
“Such a pretty name, I am sure she is just as beautiful.”
“Even more so.”
“Hm, I bet. Anyways, long story short, your baba stole me from my betrothed.”
“He what?!”
“I was supposed to marry Hodari-”
“The head fisherman?”
“That is the one. Our parents had arranged for us to be married, but my heart was not in it. Then along came your baba, all tall and handsome, and I never looked back. My point is, if it is meant to be then it will be, but you cannot just give up if you truly think she feels the same way you do.”
“I do not want to give up, mama, but I do not want to push her away either.”
“Then let her come to you.”
Next Chapter
Taglist: @maddeningmayhem​, @theblulife​, @devnicolee
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daughterofhel · 3 years
Text
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My icon died last night.
The little black and white cat, Auk (or-ick). A silly name from a badly remembered name from my childhood.
He was pretty much deaf; car got him.
I haven’t seen him since I left Texas, as I moved for a year to VA before finally moving to be with my wife in Vento. One of my guy friends family took him in on their ranch.
It was fitting; I did get Auk from a ranch. He was used to it, loved it even. And this was without the competition of an unhealthy amount of breeding stays like the ones I grabbed him and Ivy up from. I could only take two, my friend the same.
Funny. I had originally gone there to see the birth of a colt only to leave with a cat. Return the next day and get one more, a friend for my tiny runt of a thing.
And who should but all demand it be him to leave with me but Auk? The friendliest of cats that I’ve ever had the pleasure to be around. He also thwarted my attempts at having two girl cats. He was insistent to leave with me and you don’t argue when you’re chosen you know?
I won’t detail the tears following or the rough road and chaos that went on, but many double shifts back to back to back endlessly, a medicated clumsy grandmother with rapidly failing health, and complex roommate situations, I just wasn’t able to provide the needed time and care for my cats.
I cried the entire 45 minute drive to my buddys property when he said he could take them in. I had to pull over twice. They also cried the entire time, being afraid of the car, which made it harder. My buddy, He was the same guy who rescued a big pup clearly abandoned some years back. I had helped train him to not jump on people and other stuff. His folks also owned a longhorn ranch, lots and lots of space.
Those cats deserved better and this was a familiar element, now neutered, vaccinated, and with no stray competition and the dog was so careful. But god. I never wanted to say goodbye to my cats. It didn’t matter though, what I wanted; they needed care and time I wasn’t able to keep providing.
So I dropped them off. As expected, Ivy kept close but never got too close to the family. She simply doesn’t trust; I’ve no idea why such a little thing bonded instantly with me and remained quite the fixed cuddle bug. But she had. I felt worse about it with her than Auk if I’m to be honest.
Auk loved attention. Loved fetch. Belly rubs. This cat was a classic dog and a huge whore for attention. XD He essentially made himself at home and lavished any and all attention, to which my buddies mother instantly fell for this fuzzy dorks charms. He has been well cared for.
I know younger me could’ve and should’ve done better when I got these cats. Mind you, I’ve been gone for over 10 years now, so it has been quite some time. I’m doing what I wish I could have done for my cats then with the two rescues we got last year here.
I was young and working so many hours for nearly no profit after stuff was paid, even living at home and with roommates. I couldn’t afford the extra vet fees I needed or the fanciest of foods or any of that. I loved them, and I felt them being with me instead of the half starving state they were in from constantly competing with so many other cats, was still a better option for them. I still was at least able to do some of the important visits for them.
I cleared their fleas and earmites. I never did get rid of Ivys worms, though I desperately tried. I tried so many ways to get this pill into that cat. Even crushed into wet food. Friends helping to wrap and hold her to make her swallow. All the tricks we found, failed. She just. She wouldn’t take it. And I didn’t have the cash to go every single day and time she needed a dose to a pet clinic. I had checked more than once. It was so much money.
Older, better situated now.. I’ve been able to do right by the cats, Nyx and Tivali, that I have now.
We even saved Nyx’s eye. We have a system to give her her seizure medicine every 12 hours. They’re both fully up to date with their shots and are fixed. Ears totally clean. Monthly newly added anti flea tick collars.
The best food we can reasonably find at the local pet shop; their pelts are beautiful, soft, shiny, and they never smell.
We’ve even found a biodegradable corn based litter we can flush which has been the greatest find.
We get semi regular check ups on our girls and they’re doing just fine now. I’m still proud about saving Nyx’s eye. It was a tedious ordeal. 3-4 times a day we had to clean and medicate a cats eye. We got good at it even if she wasn’t fond of it. Thankfully the vitamins they required were like treats. Even the antibiotics from the colds they had from the shelter.
I miss Auk. And Ivy. And I wish I could’ve not only given them the life I’ve given my current cats now, (I’ve constructed basket beds, hammocks, a whole canopy jungle gym and rope bridge to boot for them with my wife!), but I wish I could have been the one to have them in my life still. I know it was not possible. It wouldn’t have been possible.
But I think of them. A lot. And I knew it was inevitable. Auk would’ve been well over 13 or so years by now. A little old but could’ve lived longer yet for sure. My buddy didn’t mention he has gone deaf. Of course he rarely goes home himself; I don’t blame him. Life’s complicated.
I have mourned these two cats multiple times now. So I’m not thrown into tears upon this news, I’ve cried plenty over the years already. But I’m still sad to hear that fuzzy delight has passed on. I won’t ask, but I hope, and believe, the accident was a quick end for such a friendly guy.
I’ll mourn him eventually in full. I know I will. But considering this is the fourth major bad news I’ve gotten in less than a month and most of it a week, I thought to write about it. If only to keep sane.
May I not receive the same news of my grandmother or my sister who both remain in the hospital.
And god. May my mother stop forcing me to recall and talk about our shared trauma under my father and just keep me up to date on my families health. I don’t want to be crushed under this suffocating vice on my neck that makes me hesitate to call and see my family. I know she needs to vent. And god. I try to let her. I do. I try to be kind; she needs it.
But it isn’t the time and place when I’m trying to figure out if my grandmother is dying or getting better. I shouldn’t have to receive that confirmation, be granted a brief video called hello and check in, with the price of an hour long dredge through a past I personally have gone to two different types of therapy through to try and cope with. Which, only to some degree, have helped.
One of the last longer calls we had she all but said she hoped her theories on my father possible molesting me were true, so, you know, that would be one more trauma we had in common. She went on and on, even trying to provide loose evidence to her theory. Troubling sentences I would say in my rare visits. Etc. She just. Wouldn’t. Stop. And that was after an hour of recalling how terrible her life was with my father and the abuse, the screaming, the terror, the hiding, the injuries, all of it. As if I wasn’t left to live my life with this very man she said her three years with ruined her more than all her past shit combined.
She assured me she was a good mother who tried. And honestly. No. But I do believe she tried. But she was already weak emotionally and mentally and my father wrecked what was left. She left me sometimes for a couple days lock in that house when I was in diapers. You don’t forget that shit. I’m still scared of the dark. I can’t reason with myself on it. But being mad about all of it doesn’t change anything and would hurt a woman already broken. Why would I do that.
Still. It bothers me. So fucking much. But she’s such a fragile person in a fragile emotional state with everything else on top. She’s been heavily depressed for many many years and it’s a bunch of other stuff that spirals and honestly, at this point, she’s toxic even to herself. I’ve tried working on it with her but it matters not if she’s not willing to work on it too. I don’t know my mother besides her many traumas. We’ve been separated and estranged for most of my life. Unless I was physically able to actually be there and provide a use.
But that’s par for the course; no one will have you around if you’re unable to provide something for it. My wife’s the first person who genuinely seems to enjoy having me around just because and wants nothing more. I do stuff of course; but with her I am not afraid a slip up could mean everything it taken away and lost. I can forget the dishes once or had a bad mental health day and stay in bed without it having catastrophic consequences. She’s such a wonderful kind woman; I cannot help stressing over how to repay her.
I try and I’ve expressed my distraught on the topic and though she always seems baffled and confused about my insistence that I should be doing far more, that lass doesn’t agree at all. It’s her parents home so I am not able to freely run the house as I would on our own, as I’m able and have in many places, so I’m often less useful with the restrictions. She’s also use to the flow and swing of things and has things half done before it’s being asked.
Our own place will make life smoother and calmer for both of us; most importantly her. I’ve watched this family, sweet, but absolutely tone deaf to how many and often their demands are tossed to her. All the other kids moved out with partners. Hell, the oldest s child basically lives here. Our own hurdle with raising a kid who we don’t have the final say on any single thing. His grandparents are enablers cuz they don’t want to hear any loud noises, no matter what. And that causes strain when the kid can and does get anything and everything as long as he kicks up a fit. And he sure as hell does. There are days it’s so bad my wife’s in tears. And that pisses me off. The kids a good person, but the fact no one will actually parent and draw definite lines and be firm with No’s can also make him horrible too.
I’ve to deal with the chess match that is my father. I often call him my own personal Devil. He kind of is. But one I’m familiar enough with at this point in my life. I know where and when to cut my losses, where to step around, when I need to swallow my pride or the easily seen through lies, and nod my head. If he was all terrible, I could have cut him from my life. But no one ever really is. And I do know I owe it to the man; he has helped tremendously in my life as much as he’s been a big problem of it. I know his biggest fear is to be alone and forgotten. I wouldn’t do that, not even to the devil.
I need some bland news. Not thrilling. Not depressing. Just some ‘hey that happened’ ‘oh cool.’ Kind of news. Just a small reprieve.
Im. Scared. Of what’s next.
I. Know that things are teetering dangerously into a very very tragic terrible story on my mothers end. I know her husbands already super suicidal. My half brothers severely autistic, non verbal, among a few other things and will require his whole life to have someone be there for him. He’s not stupid, and I hate when people treat him as so, but he is absolutely unable to care for himself. He doesn’t have the right motorskills even, though we’ve gone to many different places to try and help him find ways to do actions in his own way that still get the same result. I admire how he’s such a positive little man, generally not just happy, but delighted. I aspire to look at the world like he does. He reminds me to try. I do love that about him.
He is, however, a Big boy, 15 now, and growing. He’s also very strong now. My mother is getting to an age where his, as well call em happy slaps, are really hurting her. He is generally good about slapping your hands and not your back if you provide them. But when he is upset he is a shover; one bad fall could really cause a lot of chaos for my mother with her health. The husband spends most of his time locked in his room.
My half sister is epileptic. They have done tests for years and can’t figure out all her triggers or the whys. They just sometimes stop for a long time then suddenly happen. She’s 16, turning 17 soon. And I don’t even know if she’s going to be, since my mother won’t let me know. And there are large gaps from my sister being on tech due to concerns of what triggered her seizure this time so she’s often removed from electronic devices for a time.
When I had turned 21, my mother and her husband tried to have me sign a paper to become legal guardian of my half siblings, should something happen to them, so the kids didn’t get separated.
At that time, I was still taking care of my fathers mother along with working at a shit job, and had a house full of temporary roommates who I had offered rooms to as a sort of safe house for them. I have a knack for finding people from broken homes, what can I say? With the house my father and I built, we had space, so I used it. I was able to help the girls get out of toxic places, get on their feet, and move on. Not all of them always. But it did generally work out. One has a boyfriend who was growing worse to her on top of getting more and more into hard drugs while also she dealing with an abusive aunt who got worse once her mother died of cancer. So she was stuck with the terrible boyfriend. I had her stay with me as soon as I heard.
Another was complicated, but generally revolved around the alcoholic mother and the many, shady, men in and out of the house. The dangers of that alone were.. problematic without the friend also being suicidal and not taken seriously. I’ve stayed many times with her to just hang out, clean, cook, or even read a book cuz she just wanted to hear someone talking and such. You know? Until eventually I had her move in with me too.
Another’s mothers died of a cancer and dad an alcoholic; not abusive, he just became childlike and super forgetful. To a hurtful degree in his totally dependent state, whenever he was home. Plus their whole little trailer smelled of piss. And her boyfriend (they’re married with kids and happy now) was in jail. He had a bad past but had cleaned up his act quite well, but. Well that’s complicated. We all know that the police don’t squint at details of any issue if the accused has a problematic past.
I had two different girls with trouble at home who were being used by their family to constantly work, clean, and pay for everything.
I had an ex and her girlfriend with problematic homophobic parents who were terrible and semi violent so I had them stay with us so they could be together somewhere safer.
I did not. At all. Have the assured means to also be a parent of ten children with very different needs nor any medical benefits to help out with.
I also knew, that, with how my mothers husband was, if he had some guarantees for his children’s safety, he would likely end his life if he could. He’s been so close so many times. If signed this paper, he would have the last big most important concern that’s kept him from.. I just. I didn’t want him to do it. I selfishly didn’t want to be responsible for my siblings that would take away any bit of time I had for myself away. If anything happened, I would not abandon and forget my siblings. That’s absurd. But my mother implied heavily she wanted to be sure of that. And thus this paper.
I was struggling to find aid for college so I could go to school (never got to, by the way. Minus two classes in total. Aced them both, but it doesn’t matter. Credits in the wind). I was already dealing with my grandmother. The girls I chose to help. My shit job. My fathers temper and his horrible horrible ‘on again off again’ girlfriend. The chaos that alone committed.
I was busy providing a safe space in my home and making sure it stayed that way for the rare times trouble makers made the mistake of stepping up to my door to try and harass my girls.
I often worked 10 days in a row before a day off. Many of those days often had double shifts which were 16 hours. Sometimes I got an hour nap on the double shifts.
I just couldn’t do it.
And now. I remember something that came to mind back then that comes back to mind now. My moms husband adores my grandma. She’s been better to him than his own mother. She’s dying. He’s not taking it well and his mental health has always been pretty low and in the last couple years, already dangerously rock bottom. I’ll admit, same.
His daughter is now in the hospital. My brother is smart but there are some things we can’t really explain for him to get. He understands something is wrong but not sure what and it upsets him. He doesn’t like change and gets super fussy for it. Which can be taxing and hours and days and weeks of it. Grandmas been in the hospital for a couple more or more now. She coded a few days ago but they got her back.
If grandma dies. If something happens to my sister…
God. I don’t see that man sticking around.
And with my mom isolated. A lot of it her doing with her own family but also a good part of it being dumb petty bs of other folks that have no reason to behave like that (a whole drama I don’t have the energy to keep up with..). I just.
I see it as a domino effect of terrible terrible events I don’t want to write.
My mothers side im not very close to. I don’t blame my cousins, we were kids ajd our meetings were brief as they were. But the adults kept their distance with me. No one expected me to survive and decided it was easier to not get attached. To not get involved with me, and by extension, the devil himself, my father. So I never got the chance to know that family. Even when I tried.
So the only family I do have some ties to ajd know, is in a hospital bed, or on my dads side, and they’re dying to. And I get it… that at a certain age in life, many of the people around you start to. It’s just life. Ajd it sucks. And I miss having a best friend. I miss having friends who just seem to like to have me around. Want to have me around.
And I wonder if the friends I thought I made with my roommates were just because I provided something for them. Sure we laughed a lot, we cried over shared traumas, celebrated holidays together so as to not be alone.
But not a one speaks to me now. And hey. That’s also life. But it makes me feel pretty shitty; every where I look in the past, I can’t see any relationship, family, partner, friendship, that ever had me around unless I was providing services they wanted and needed. And I don’t mean the natural give and take.
I’m aware that I’m not the friend folks have around. I’m a fun distraction at best and have been told and reminded as such. I feel like shit cuz my wife’s wonderful and the best person in my life, and yet I still mourn having close friends to hang with. I miss gaming together the most. Or the bullshitting. Sharing food.
I’m not a nice person. I’m working on it. I am. I’ve also, for years, been working on my own personal problems so as to not bring them into even conversations. I don’t know what I am doing wrong but I just.. can’t seem to keep anyone around. And frankly.
I find myself crying about it a lot with no idea what to do.
And. I’m burnt out.
I don’t want to make friends anymore. And yet I still crave it. Which sucks. I can’t stop seeming to want that. And I keep trying. And trying.
I’m trying to accept and be happy with any bit of time I get from the few friends who talk to me. I try to take my chances where I can to hang out (online, as they’re all distance by now), cuz I know it’s a short window and I’ll be lucky to get a next time in the near future.
Online is harder to provide a use, and once the ‘honeymoon phase’ of the friendship winds down, some drop off the map entirely. A few abruptly. And I just. That’s fucked me ho a ton. I can’t even express how many hours I stay sitting. Thinking. Unable to understand what I am not doing or what I am.
It’s a pity party. I know. But it’s fine. I’m still the only one at it and though I’m quite forward even with nerves eating away at me, I still just don’t know how to keep anyone in my life.
It’s taken almost 6 years for me to relax enough to believe my wife will, in fact, stick around.
But at this point in time, I’ve realized, on a note I just keep getting really sad over, that the bits of friendship I’ll get to experience with people, will be brief, snippets, and frankly, only if I am providing something they’re not getting.
I’m essentially the magazine next to the toilet when you have a bad bad stomach bug and your phones dead.
Man’s that’s.. probably my own doing. I know I’m a lot of woe is me in here. And it’s a post talking to me, so I’m indulging in it. I absolutely can’t out loud or in life. I’m working on just.. trying to feel instead of ignoring it. Per my therapists suggestions. So I feel fucking overwhelmed, sad, and alone. Isolated. Heavily.
Ignorance is bliss for real. I wish I wasn’t so aware that I was the friend you go to when all options are down and you’re bored. When you are in a bind and need a safe spot (I don’t mind that one but it does suck that it’s the only time some folks pop back in or up). That if I’m not working then no one even has a small little want to just say hi. I wish I had people who just wanted to say hi because they just.. missed me? I gues?
I wish I knew how to be better as a person and a friend. I thought I was making strides on that. I really had. And yet.
Here I am. Just.
Bitching to the void. Becuase my wife doesn’t need me to add more to her life with her father (finally back from the hospital after surgery) and his health concerned along with everyone else’s and the own sets of ordeals here. I don’t need her to fret over me.
She’s needed distraction and I’ve left her alone for a couple weeks now to her drawing. Probably one of the best things I did do for her was clean up a space for a literal drawing room for her. She’s happier for it. People compliment her art and she rather enjoys the well deserved attention.
I personally would love to have her around more. But I’m having a lot of bad shit days. Weeks at this point. And I’m using my energy to be useful in setting the table or doing the dishes, the cats, playing with the nephew, etc.
All I want to do is sleep.
Frankly. I’m tired of waking up.
But for her. I will.
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crazycrackersworld · 3 years
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Today at 1:30 p.m. my Aunt Theresa passed away. She had been in the hospital with pneumonia and covid for about 2 weeks they never could get her oxygen where it was supposed to be , and couldn't get her to keep food down they couldn't fix her.
Just a couple weeks ago we were all together in her house throwing her a birthday party for her 70th birthday my Uncle Mike came down from Colorado and had surprised her the place was full of family and friends and laughter joy and happiness and none of us knew what was right around the corner. None of us had any idea what events were going to be getting to unfold within a week or so and I don't think we would have believed it if someone told us.
She got sick thought it was pneumonia she was dealing with it and I'm one night my Uncle Jerrry couldn't get her up out of the bathtub she didn't have the strength to do it on her own and he couldn't help her so he called the ambulance and they took her to the hospital and that's where she stayed.
And in that amount of time Uncle Jerry spent two stays in the hospital of about a day or two each before getting sent home on cousin Tim went to stay with his dad to help him out but clearly he was sick right away he's been in the hospital since this past Monday hopefully he gets better.
My mom did not pick a real winner to be my biological father since I've never met him since he pretty much ran and disappeared as soon as he found out she was pregnant. So for the first few years of my life my mom's family stepped up and between my five uncles and my grandfather it was like I had six dads and between my mom and my grandma and my two aunts it's like I had four moms. Everybody helped, I learned different things from everybody and I consider myself very lucky to have had all those people in my life.
A lot of times people in the family made jokes all my Aunt Theresa not being The brightest bulb on the tree or the sharpest knife in the drawer it was always done out of love. In reality was she the smartest person no, she wasn't the dumbest either she did have a tendency to forget things or get things wrong and we just chalk that up to being Theresa.
But despite any of that or any shortcomings she was one of the kindest most caring most generous people I've ever met in my entire life. She truly had a beautiful soul and had a way of lighting up a room when she walked into it almost always in a good mood even when she wasn't in a good mood. I remember her smile and her laugh I remember how even as an adult when she would come back to Wisconsin to visit after moving here to Arizona and she would see me it was like just taking a look at me just brightened her day.
I had made the decision to not move back to Wisconsin permanently and and to stay here for the foreseeable future couple weeks before her birthday party and I only told a few people cuz I wanted to keep it a secret because I wanted to tell everybody else at her birthday party I wanted to tell her at her birthday party it was kind of my present. And I remember the look on her face when I told her she didn't look like a 70 year old lady she looked like like a little girl who had just gotten the doll she wanted for Christmas or the piece of candy she had begged for all day and she gave me the biggest hug and she was so happy that I was staying. And now I'm here and she's gone and it does not seem fair or right I am hurting more than I have in a very long time.
My cousin Jeanette lives in Maryland and Tim even though he's here obviously as I mentioned he's in the hospital. And so my Uncle Jerry who isn't in the greatest health in the first place is all alone in that house because he just lost the love of his life and I honestly don't know how long he'll last without her. I always thought my Uncle Jerry and Aunt Theresa would be one of those couples that once one pass the other one would just kind of give up and die of a broken heart soon after. Because they loved each other that much. I'm sure their marriage wasn't perfect, they had their problems and their issues with both of the kids but they stayed together through all of it neither one of them ever gave up on the other one neither one of them ever quit. They had the kind of marriage that I always hoped one day I would have.
Obviously my love life has not turned out that way, but seeing them together still always gave me hope and I guess it still does.
I can't list all of the things that I am going to miss about her so I guess the only proper way to say it as I'm going to miss everything about her, just everything. I'm going to miss everything about her.
There was a time in my life where I had moved out of Mayville didn't tell anybody where it went and I distanced myself for my mom and my dad and as I was slowly beginning to patch that relationship there were a few times that I did reach out to my Aunt Theresa for help for a ride somewhere you know maybe even a few bucks for some groceries and she never judged me she never lectured me she gave me the ride or she borrowed me the money she was always there for me.
I'm not saying other members of the family weren't I'm just saying the entries that was a little different she almost felt like a second mom sometimes let's face it I probably needed more than one mom i'm kind of a bastard.
So today at 1:30 p.m. I I lost one of the most beautiful people that I have ever known and I am here in what is still a foreign land and I feel so alone and I'm trying to be strong for my mom and she just lost her sister and I'm trying to be strong for my Uncle Jerry because he just lost his wife and he's worried about his son and I am trying to be strong for him because he just lost his mom and he's in the hospital sick with what most likely killed her.
So I try to be as strong and resilient in front of everybody else as possible when inside I am just falling apart cuz it's something I can't make better I can't fix this and I want to I want to fix it so bad.
So I will probably cry myself to sleep after drinking half of my jar of moonshine and I'll wake up tomorrow and I will try to hold him to tears so I can be there for my mom and everybody else because right now they need them more from me and I'll just have to keep my grief inside as much as I can and realize that other than family nobody really cares if I'm broken or not.
But for everything that she ever did for me, heck for me Lisa and Katana at the beginning, the least I can do is be strong for her sisters and her brothers and her children and her husband. The least I can do to honor her memory is to be there for everyone else like she was always there for me.
I don't know about everybody else in the world but she seemed to always see the Best in Me even when I was screwing things up left and right she always Saw the Best in Me. Two summers ago and her and my Uncle Jerry were up in Wisconsin they they picked me up from jail to take me to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription and then to basically break the law and take me to Sue's apartment so that I can give Sue some contact information and some other stuff cuz we really haven't been able to talk cuz I didn't have any money on my books. And even when I walked out of the jail and she's standing there I mean there was no judgment there was nothing she was just happy to see me and happy I was safe. I mean one of the most lowest points in my life where I'd screwed up just about as much as you can she just hugged me and told me she loved me.
And that was my entries I know her kids might have some criticisms and they might not think she was always the best mom and maybe Jerry might think she wasn't always the best wife and maybe my mom and my Aunt Margaret and my uncle's might not think she was always the best sister but I can tell you she was just about the best a screwed up kid like me could ever have and I thank God that she was in my life and I wish she was still here.
For me myself I can definitely say that my life has been better having had her in it and it's going to be a little emptier now that she's gone and I hurt so much I do I hurt so damn much I miss her already.
Oh God I hope I get some sleep tonight, some good sleep unbroken nightmare free but I don't see that happening.
Because of all the covid stuff I mean Uncle Jerry was able to get my Aunt Margaret and my mom in to say goodbye to her but that took a lot of arguing apparently. I was at work and nobody wanted to tell me what was going on because I wanted to make sure that I was safe and it was paying attention to where I was driving and I understand all of that I do but I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
So I guess that's what I'm going to do right now I'm going to say goodbye. Auntie Theresa this is your nephew Sean, I am so sad to see you go and I am going to miss you so much. But I know you were really sick and I know you were really scared and I know you were in a lot of pain it is cliche as it is I am glad that you're not in pain anymore I really am. But the selfish part of me wishes you were still here because I don't want to say goodbye I don't want to lose you I don't want you to be gone forever because forever it's too long.
I'll do my best to keep an eye on Tim and Jerry and even Jeanette I'll do that for you because I love you so much I just love you so much. And it hurts so bad that you're gone. And I just hope that I can keep making the positive changes in my life that I know you were so proud of I'm so proud to watch me fix myself and I just want to know that you're looking down and you're still proud of me. That'll mean a lot.
So until we meet again someday goodbye my sweet sweet aunt I hope it's peaceful where you are, and that Grandma and Grandpa were waiting for you and that you weren't scared.
And in addition to goodbye, I love you Aunt Theresa I'm going to miss you....
Love Sean
May you rest in peace
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carrackian · 3 years
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‘Toxic’ Anime Fandoms (But I’m just angry)
Ok so this is gonna be a long stupid ramble because I (An idiot) found some articles online about toxic anime fandoms... and by god does it piss me off. SO in this essay I’m gonna incoherently scream about why these articles I found are just lacking in explanation, and then I point at the glaring flaws. Not to mention I’m using multiple articles, but they all like to use similar arguments.  Warning, I’m gonna paraphrase because these articles are long winded about literally nothing.
The Naruto fanbase is toxic because people compare everything to Naruto, and people get upset when you don’t put it in your best anime list!! Honey... HONEY, that’s how all fandoms are. Naruto was likely people’s first introduction to anime, and people are defensive over their nostalgia, I mean like you saw the uprising with the new Ben 10 and Teen Titans Go, other than the fact that they’re BAD, but people were upset and still are (which is yet again understandable)  Seriously, if I made a list that said ‘Best Things Ever’ and I didn’t include something that they liked, then I understand why someone would be upset, and maybe comment something. It’s the day in age where if you have an opinion someone will probably be upset with you.
The Deathnote fanbase is toxic because people like to say it’s good and act offended if you haven’t watched it! Well I mean... Yeah? That’s how fans of a show can act, it’s just exaggerated. I mean seriously, if someone told me they haven’t ever played Undertale, or heard anything about Homestuck- I’m gonna wonder about what part of the internet you’ve been on because I played Undertale for the first time in like 2019 thanks to how much my friends praised it, and I only got into Homestuck in very late 2020 because one of my friends went on a three hour rant about homestuck and I needed the context for so much stuff. Hell, I only have any knowledge on Deathnote because my friend took their old Deathnote Manga and gave it to me for my birthday- which was a touching gift since they really love Deathnote. 
The Hunter X Hunter fanbase is toxic because it doesn’t get attention from weebs, and the fans sometimes get angry. Seriously? That’s what we’re mad about? This is literally so fucking petty my god- next ffs.
The Jojo fanbase is toxic because ‘is that a jojo reference memes’ and because fans want you to watch Jojo. Fucking- AGAIN!? jesus christ. You wanna know how I got into Jojo? My tooth was pulled, and it was the first time I ever got any teeth pulled, so I was high as hell and spitting out blood occasionally. I didn’t want to walk home that day (for obvious reasons) and so I stayed late so I could get a ride from my friends parents. So when another mutual acquaintance came up, and he was playing the Jojo game on an emulator. This got into the three of them telling me about Jojo, but only super vague pieces of it. High off my ass I got home, binge watched like two seasons of it, and forgot everything that happened after the first episode. So I managed to get through the first season (again) before I got caught up in other things (ahem, pokemon) Not to mention that its normal to want to share something you like with other people. Back when I read books regularly I used to keep a list of books to recommend to my friends.
The Demon Slayer fandom is bad cuz too many spoilers :(  Okay? This... This doesn’t a toxic fandom make. Yeah it’s shitty, but like full fucking on- that’s not toxic?
The Dragon Ball fanbase is toxic because people think Goku is the strongest and argue about it, and it’s dying, but like I’m also proof that DBZ fans aren’t bad! Okay? And? Like I full on mean that. I’m a Dragon Ball fan and let me tell you- I’ve literally never seen a single fucking person actually say anything like that unironically- or during a power leveling video that’s an actual discussion about power scaling. Not to mention that for the most part people watch shows for the actual show? Like the plot, characters, storyline- ya know, the actual fucking show?
The Attack on Titan fanbase is toxic because fans sent death threats to the author for ending the manga. Jesus fucking christ- okay, yeah that’s toxic! So... where’s the catch? They also wrote their own endings to the manga. I swear to GOD- WHAT THE FUCK. Fanfiction has existed forever you ignoramus, bleach-snorting, styrofoam eating IDIOT. Seriously, I literally fucking rewrote the entirety of Naruto (Multiple Times over) are you gonna say that I’m Toxic? How about the multiple other hundreds of people who have literally rewritten entire works of fiction.
Now, what do I consider toxic fanbases? The top three are: Undertale, Homestuck and Steven Universe. The Undertale fandom managed to be so bad that people were actually kinda scared of it. Not to mention that it is a good game, people just went a bit too far. If you killed anyone people would send death threats, Markiplier (a really cool youtuber) had people yell at him for giving Sans a southern accent, and I mean the fact that it’s so big made it worse. The Homestuck fandom had many bad moments where some fans caused harm to others, damaged products, the girl who nearly killed herself trying to dye her skin for a cosplay, AND LITERALLY CHANGED THE CONVENTION FIELD. The Steven Universe fandom nearly killed a fan because she drew a fat character thin, they turned on the fucking creators for saying this was bad, multiple racist, sexist and homophobic things just existing while people pretend to be fake woke.
And this has been- I literally knew all of the bad fandom stuff because I lived through it. Problem is, I lived through the popularity of every single anime on this list while actively in more internet spaces, and I don’t fucking see it. Seriously, when I think of toxic anime fanbases I think about anime like Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, where a bunch of 30 year olds get horny over a child and then say that they’re fine because she’s ACSHUALLY 2,000 years old! I mean fuck, my favorite meme is literally the- “Men be like “You’re not a real anime fan if you don’t watch ‘Is it wrong to piss on my bunny sister’s feet?’“ Like- fucking exactly. Both these fucking articles have ‘I think that when someone is a little mean or says something kinda annoying they’re TOXIC!’ Like bitch no, when I think toxic I think of the gaslighting fanbases that end up with multiple people with mental disorders or someone dead- which let me tell you, is a surprisingly large amount of fandoms? 
Anyways so I’m done, mainly because it’s like super fucking late and I’m so tired
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marshieee · 4 years
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Sunflower🌻
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Y’all i almost forgot about this story of mine I’m also working on my another forgotten story of you being yamaguchi’s twin sister and having a cat and dog relationship with tsukishima. I also planning on making the “i wanna marry someone” as a text, but i guess it’ll take a while.
Masterlist
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Oikawa puffed his cheeks as he placed down his phone, doesn’t mean he has a lot of fans he can’t treat a girl right.
“I can treat a girl right, heck I’m gonna make her my queen, serve her and stuff”
He mumbles to himself. Maki and mattsun already saw oikawa’s distress face and litterally had a plan on teasing him as they look at eachother gosh talk about soulmate .
Oikawa did’nt brother to reply anymore he’s pretty sure that aj would just tease him. He looked outside the window and suddenly the thing that aj just mentioned to them suddenly pops up in his head.
“Flowers huh”
If that’s true, what flower do me and my soulmate share?
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“Do you literally need me?, just like you said you were born here so I’m pretty sure u basically KNOW the place”
It’s been a good half an hour since your cousin been ranting on picking you up from the station. You just rolled your eyes and pinched his sides.
“OW WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!”
“shut up we’re on the bus dumbass, and besides just so you know i was gone for years duh”
“You’re talking like you’ve been gone for enternity, literally nothing changed here since you left except some fee small shops closed and new ones started to open that’s it”
“So there’s still some changes kenji”
“Oh shut up you know what I’m talking about”
You just looked out the window, didn’t have any energy to argue with more like you don’t wanna argue with him since you’re both in the bus you can’t just freely shout at him like you two always do.
“Sejoh is still big as ever huh”
“Yeah so?”
“I’m not talking to you dimwit i was talking to myself”
“Girl—tsk”
The bus was now in the busy streets of miyagi, alot of students are now going home,some went to a family restaurant,some just sitting on the benches having good talks. You remember when you did that with your friends here in miyagi too, you can also see some exhausted adults going home from work.
“This place hasn’t changed at all”
“I told you so”
“Yeah yeah i know genius you don’t—“
Suddenly out of nowhere, for a split second you swore your vision was filled with glowing...
“Sunflowers”
Out of nowhere you suddenly felt a wave of nostalgic feelings for a second.
“Hey, you ok?”
“Huh? A-ah yeah yeah I’m fine, i think i just got exhausted from traveling too far”
You closed your eyes and just placed your head on your cousin’s shoulder, futakuchi was confused at first but then just let you be.
Yeah maybe I’m just exhausted from traveling that i see hallucinations.
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After class
“Now that was boring”
“You’re just making excuses you literally didn’t even listened”
“Like i said cuz it was boring”
Aj stretched out her arms and got her bag, iwaizumi just scratched his head feeling frustrated.
“Awww don’t give me that kind of reaction iwa-chan I’ll eventually get it if you teach me”
“I’m not your teacher”
Aj looked at him from behind and smiled “but your much better than our teacher i learn a lot from you fyi”
Aj started to walk towards the back door again, iwaizumi following her from behind can’t help to have a small blush from what aj said to him. Oikawa was just waiting outside their classroom immediately saw them and smiled.
“Hey boo! Why didn’t you wait us outside?”
“I can’t wait here?”
“Your room is literally on the other side of the building oikawa, and it’s just beside the stairs”
“But i miss you iwa-chan~”
“Wanna die?”
“Now now as much i love to see some bloodshed around here i need this man to take me to the new ice cream shop so please don’t iwaizumi”
Oikawa stuck out his tounge and iwaizumi immediately choked him. Oikawa was tapping his shoulder furiously signaling him that he can’t breathe.
As if iwaizumi cares.
“What are you two doing? Come on i want ice cream”
Iwaizumi eventually let go of oikawa who almost faced death, they both started to follow aj.
“Sometimes i thought how could you be so violent at me”
Oikawa still gasping some air while massaging his neck. Iwaizumi looked at him and smirked.
“Because you deserve it, you look like someone who needs a good hard discipline”
“Ooooooh iwa-chan so kinky~”
“WTF?! DID YOU JUST HEARD WHAT I SAID?!”
“Oh no no i did not sir”
Aj stopped and turned around waiting for them to catch up, with a smirk on her face iwaizumi already know what she’s up to. Aj went in the middle of the two and looked at oikawa.
“How kinky iwa-chan, choking tooru and giving him a ‘good hard discipline’ “
“Please stop making it weird”
“Hahahahahaha shit iwaizumi your future meant to be will be so sore”
“Aj please, oi oikawa stop giving me that look!”
Aj looked at her side and saw oikawa giving iwaizumi the look of horror mixed with disgust, aj eventually laughed hard.
“Iwa-chan is that why?”
“SHUT UP THAT’S NOT IT!!STOP MAKING IT WEIRD SHITTYKAWA!!”
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
They were in the busy streets of miyagi, like per usual they always encounter few of oikawa’s fan that they have to literally stop and wait from the sidelines. Few girls were suspicious of aj thinking that she was oikawa’s girlfriend even tho oikawa and her explained to them that they’re just friends.
“That girl is the second bitchiest person i ever encountered last week the blonde girl is is still number one”
“Oikawa you really need to do something about that”
“Like what?”
“Like post something on your social media or something? You do have one right?”
“Yeah i—“
Out of nowhere his vision was filled with glowing sunflowers, but disappeared immediately. Too confused he didn’t noticed a pole and hits his head. Aj and iwaizumi who didn’t noticed that oikawa was lagging eventually turned around when the heard a loud pang.
“Owww”
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA”
Iwaizumi held his tummy while pointing at the pained oikawa, aj on the other hand is holding herself from laughing.
“Honey pffft are you o-ok? Pfft”
Aj went to oikawa holding her mouth to prevent her from laughing. She saw the red mark on his forehead and immediately turned around and giggled.
“Ah what show shittykawa, are you ok tho?”
Aj who eventually calmed down turned back at him while wiping her tears, still giggling at what happened.
“Yeah what happened boo?”
Oikawa was about to explain to them about what had happened but thought maybe they wouldn’t believe him instead he just gave a shrug and laughs it off
“I think i was too pre-occupied by volleyball I didn’t see where I’m going haha”
“Well honey be careful next time, we love seeing you this dumb but please be careful who knows what will happen next”
“Yeah she’s right”
Aj went to a vending machine and bout a small orange juice box, she grabbed oikawa’s hand and gave him the juice box
“Place that on your forehead, my treat”
“Thanks aj”
She just smiled, “now let’s go get my ice cream”
Oikawa bit his lips, he didn’t know what was that, hallucinations? Maybe and then again aj’s story came into his mind again.
“No that’s impossible” he scoffed.
“What’s that boo?”
“Ah nothing nothing let’s go”
There’s no way that’s true.....right?
Fun Fact:
*Aj usually don’t call Oikawa as oikawa, she calls him either tooru or boo or other pet names. She calls iwaizumi as iwaizumi,hajime or iwa-chan thank to oikaw.
*Oikawa has been in the same class with the two except now.
*Aj literally wanna fight any stubborn girl who keeps saying she’s oikawa’s gf.
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starbuckie · 4 years
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Some Quarantine Lovin’ Chapter Five: Love is a Many Splendored Thing
Marvel Highschool! AU
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: Obscene amounts of fluff, kissing, swearing, kinda a lot of angst
Description: Bucky Barnes is absolutely, no doubt about it, in love with Y/N L/N. He’s loved her since the day he laid eyes on her in the third grade. He loved her when he had his own girlfriend, and when he was barely friends with her for a whole summer. And of course, in his freshman year, they are now stuck together. In a house. During a worldwide quarantine. This should be fun.
**WARNING: MENTIONS OF DEATH, CAR CRASH, MENTIONS OF ABUSE, AND INJURY IN THIS CHAPTER** 
Words:  5,207 words
A/N: Hey guys! We’re almost at the end of this series, and I’m a little sad. This was my first ever fic, so it’s always gonna be my baby. This chapter deals with death, mentions of abuse, and a car crash, so if you didn’t see my warning above, and you are triggered by any of these things, please do not read because I don’t want to upset any of you. However, if you do read and find something offensive, please please contact me and I will do my best to fix it, and I don’t mean any harm at all, and am sorry in advance. Also, I listened to this “howlos” playlist while writing this and it is an absolute masterpiece. Moving on from that, thank you so much to my beta @transparentfestivaltiger as always, and thank you for reading!
(also seb looks like a freakin’ baby here)
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Things didn’t change as much as Bucky thought they would after he and Y/N confessed to each other. They still had the same sweet friendship from before, but now they could sneak in a kiss or two, and there were a lot more heated glances and affection. 
As soon as Y/N’s parents had come home that evening, they knew exactly what had happened. Of course, Mary and Charlie L/N had known that the pair of best friends liked each other: it had been obvious since the third grade. Though Y/N and Bucky may have not realized it that early, they had practically been an old married couple since the beginning of their friendship. Now that they were in a “relationship”(or as much of one as they could be in while quarantined together), they weren’t allowed to sleep in the same room together, and they were watched a lot closer. While Bucky blushed and apologized every time Y/N’s parents caught them kissing, Y/N laughed. She knew her parents were happy for her, and frankly, it was adorable to see Bucky turn into a bumbling mess. 
It had only been two weeks into quarantine when they had kissed, so they unfortunately still had to go to classes. Of course, no one else knew about it but their friends, but Bucky wanted to yell it to the world, thus having him proclaim, “I kissed Y/N L/N!” in their physics class, which disturbed Mr. Fury, but he congratulated them nonetheless. Yeah, there was non stop teasing from their classmates after that. 
The weeks kept rolling by, and soon enough, they had a week off of school for spring break, when Bucky took his best girl on a date. The two claimed to be in a relationship, but after Sam pointed out that Bucky had never actually asked Y/N out on a first date, he panicked. With the help of her parents, he managed to pull off a date at Prospect Park, right by the big lake. Bucky had insisted on being a “proper gentleman” like his mama has taught him, and went so far as to pick Y/N up from the front door, which her parents swore was the cutest thing they had ever seen. He made his mom’s old pumpkin pancake recipe, and they had breakfast for lunch, sitting in the grass, just talking for hours, and trying to refrain from removing their masks so they could make out with each other. Once it had finally hit evening, they walked hand in hand on the way back to her house and spent the rest of the night watching movies and cuddling.
After that, the duo wanted to spend the rest of spring break catching up on sleep that they had missed, but Y/N’s mom forced them to wake up at eight in the morning every day that week to get exercise. Neither of them were pleased. However, as much as they disliked the exercise, it gave them a chance to be alone. Y/N and Bucky went on tons of walks around Brooklyn, strolling down memory lane as they found someplace that they had forgotten about from when they were younger. It was nice for the two of them to just talk about their futures and how much the virus would affect it. 
Spring break was unwillingly coming to an end, but Mr. L/N refused to let either one of the students be seen in online classes until they had cut their hair. Sure, it was only mid-April, but Bucky’s hair had turned into a messy flop of brown hair that fell just past his ears. While Y/N opted to cut her hair herself(which resulted in a choppy, uneven cut that Bucky and her family made fun of), Bucky asked Y/N to cut it for him.
“Are you sure, Buck?” She chided. “You saw how mine came out, and you make fun of it, yet you still ask me to do it?”
The messy-haired boy sat in a chair in the bathtub, in just his boxers, holding a spray bottle of water. “Y/N, your hair may look like shit,” he grinned at her face of mock offense, “But I trust you completely with mine. Plus, you’ll actually be looking at it while you cut.”
“I was looking when I did my hair!” Y/N argued.
Bucky laughed at her exasperation. “If you were looking in the mirror while cutting that, it makes it so much more sad.” She scoffed at his witty comeback and snipped off a piece of his hair. “Hey, give me a warning!”
“Sorry, baby,” she giggled. “Are you ready now?” With a deep exhale and nod of his head, Y/N took the spray bottle from his hands and began to dampen his hair. It didn’t take too long, just a few quick snips by the base of his neck, and she considered it done, and a hell of a lot less scruffy looking. She had spent her last day of break looking at styles and instructions on how to cut hair on Pinterest, and while she knew she wasn’t a professional, she thought she did pretty damn well.
“Okay, Buck, you can look now.” Y/N handed him a small compact mirror, and he dramatically squeezed his eyes shut. Rolling her eyes at his reaction, she said, “Come on, quit being a drama queen. I think you look very handsome.”
Finally, Bucky opened his eyes and looked at his shorter cut. She was right, it didn’t look too bad, and he looked less “homeless” as her father had called it. Running a hand through his freshly cut hair, he grinned, but stopped after taking in her words. “Was I not handsome before, doll?” He wore a small frown on his face, which Y/N kissed off.
“Buck, you’re always handsome, don’t be silly.”
He smirked and pulled her onto his lap. “I know.”
She leaned her head down on his shoulder and whispered, “Cocky bastard.” He delivered a pinch to her hip, which made her yelp. Grinning, he kissed her and she turned in his lap to straddle him. Her hands slipped into his freshly cut hair and tugged, making him moan a little into her parted lips. During their make out, however, they didn’t hear the footsteps of Mrs. L/N, and only looked up when they heard her groan. 
“Good lord, can you two not keep your hands off of each other for five goddamn seconds?” Y/N quickly got up from Bucky’s lap under her mom’s careful watch. “Ria is on the phone, right now, but I’ll tell her to call back.”
At the mention of her older sister, Y/N jumped out of the bathtub. “No! No, I'm here, let me talk to her!” She scrambled to get to the phone, but slipped on the bath mat and landed on the tile with an “oof”. Bucky, being the protective boyfriend he was, immediately got up and ran to her.
“Are you okay, doll?” Her nose was a little red from bumping it on the ground, but she grinned nonetheless. Ria’s laughter could be heard over the phone, and her mom was trying very hard to stifle her laughter. With a quick nod, she took Bucky’s hand and got up.
“I’m great! Ria, you’re a little shit.” The girl stalked over to the phone and started talking and squabbling animatedly with her sister on the call. 
Bucky and Mrs. L/N took one look at each other and started cracking up together. She pulled him into a hug, and whispered, “You make her so happy, Bucky. Thank you so much.”
He looked up to this mother figure of his and shook his head. “No. Thank you, Mrs. L/N, for being so happy for us. To be honest, I didn’t think you or Mr. L/N would be too happy ‘cuz of my father.”
The older woman frowned at Bucky and looked at him dead in the eyes. “You have nothing to feel guilty about, Bucky. Your father doesn’t define you as a person and trust me, James, you are the best kid that I know. You take good care of your little sister and all who you love, and every day I think about how lucky your mother was that she got to have a kid like you.”
Bucky’s eyes started to fill with tears, but he managed to whisper out a “thank you” with a croaky voice. Dropping a kiss to his forehead, Mrs. L/N walked away, leaving him with a sad smile on his face until Y/N popped her head back into the bathroom.
“Buck! Ria wants to talk to us both! She misses you a ton.” He wiped the tears from his eyes, which Y/N noticed, but didn’t mention, and went to grab his hand to walk to her bedroom and talk to Ria.
School started again the next day, leaving the six students in their friend group complaining and nearly on the verge of crying within the first two classes. They didn’t have finals this year, but teachers still assigned them “tests”, which really were the same thing with a different name. 
As it grew closer and closer to the end of the year, it became hotter and hotter, Y/N and Bucky becoming sweaty messes in their study rooms. One particular early May afternoon, Y/N sat in her bedroom, waiting for her play rehearsal to start. This year, they were (going) to put on a production of Steve Martin’s Picasso at the Lapin Agile. She was cast as Freddy, the local Parisian bartender, so she was working on her accent with her lines from her script.
“Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.” Y/N spoke loudly. From behind her, she heard a booming laugh.
Bucky stood in her doorway, grinning, no shirt on due to the blaring hot weather. “If that was your French accent, then you definitely need to keep working on it.”
He walked into the room, swooping down to place a kiss on Y/N’s awaiting lips. His arms would’ve wrapped themselves around her shoulders, but she quickly pushed him back. Chucking at his frowning expression, she said, “It is way too hot to be hugging me right now, but we can settle for a romantic high five.”
“A what?” 
She sighed like it was the most obvious thing. “Well, as much as I would love to, I cannot hug you right now because it’s too hot. What I can offer you, however, is a romantic high five. A high five that says, we’re not just friends, but we’ve been dating for about a month and it’s not just platonic.”
Amused expression on his face, he plopped himself down on her bed. “And how would one share a ‘romantic high five’ with their ridiculously beautiful girlfriend?” Grinning, she walked over to him and gave him a high five while kissing him. He smiled against her lips, and asked, “Like that?”
With one more peck, she sat back in her seat and picked up her phone. “Exactly like that.” They were fools who were completely, and utterly in love with each other, though neither of them had said it to the other yet. Lovesick smiles painted on their faces, they both sat staring at each other until Mrs. L/N suddenly broke into the room, wide eyes teary and a frown on her face. Both of the kids looked to each other, then at the mom. 
“Mom, what is it?” It was concerning for Y/N to see her mom in this panicked state, considering that her mom was well put together, and she had only seen her break down on a few occasions. 
She turned to Bucky, and with a small voice, said, “It's your father, Bucky. He’s gotten into a crash.”
Silence.
That was all that was left in the room. When Bucky’s heartbeat stopped pounding, he could hear his harsh breathing and see Y/N in front of him, her hand covering his heart. “James, can you hear me? You passed out.” Her hand moved to his cheek to wipe off tears he hadn’t even known were falling. “My mom’s getting Becca into the car so we can go to the hospital, though I told her you might not want to go right now. He’s going to be in surgery for the next few hours, but it’s whatever you need, okay, James? Whatever you need.”
He sat up, grabbing Y/N’s hands and squeezing on to them tight. “I want to go.” Though Bucky was worried, he pulled himself together on the outside. Goddamn it, Barnes, he thought, pull yourself the fuck together. He knew he was being too harsh on himself, but it was part of his nature, and he couldn’t get rid of the nagging voice in his head telling him to do better. “I’ll go put a shirt on and meet you guys in the car. Do your parents have masks?” Y/N nodded, tears in her eyes, and placed a featherlight kiss to his forehead before he left.
He grabbed a hoodie from the guest room, and turned to leave, but saw Becca’s baby animal book. It had been his before, something his mom would read to him to calm him down, and he saw it as his comfort object. Snagging it from the bedside table, he ran through the halls and out the door, where he saw Mr. and Mrs. L/N sitting in the front, and Y/N waiting for him with the car door open on the left side. He and Y/N climbed into the back seat and strapped themselves in, trapping Becca in her car seat in between the two teens. 
Becca’s pretty blue eyes were teary, and she whimpered quietly, almost as if she knew what was going on around her. She was just one year old, still so innocent, and wasn’t even aware that her father never looked after her, or beat her mother before she had died giving birth to her. Bucky grabbed onto her foot softly, an action that consoled Becca’s quiet cries. 
The car rumbled beneath them, and Y/N looked over to Bucky on the other side of the car. His face was stoic, staring out of the window with a sheen of calm surrounding him. His eyes weren’t teary anymore, but she could see the storm that was brewing beneath them. She knew that he was worrying a lot, his thoughts probably a jumbled mess of negativity, and underlying guilt. It wasn’t his fault, not even close, but she knew for a fact he was blaming himself anyway. She reached over to lay her palm over the hand that was holding Becca’s foot, and Bucky looked over to Y/N’s eyes, and gave her a small, sad smile. 
The rest of the car ride was silent, Y/N’s parents choosing to say nothing, knowing that Bucky didn’t want to talk. He would always get closed off with his emotions during hard times, and it took him a very long time to open up about his feelings. When the New York-Presbyterian Brooklyn Methodist Hospital came into view, Bucky’s heart started to beat at an alarming rate. 
“Y/N, Bucky, how about we drop you off at the front, okay? Tell them that you are his son, they’ll help you.” Y/N’s mom was facing them, trying to remain calm. Bucky nodded, and when they pulled up to the front, the two students worked together to get Becca out of her seat and jump out of the car. Y/N hoisted the small baby up onto her hip as Bucky grabbed her hand and led them inside the doors. 
The light was an unnatural blinding white, and people surrounded the waiting room with masks on. There were people sleeping, people tapping their feet nervously, and people looking like they would love nothing more than to get out of the room. Briskly, the two marched up to the reception desk. Surprisingly, it was Bucky who spoke up.
“Excuse me, ma’am, my name is James Barnes, I’m the son of George Barnes, and I believe he’s in surgery right now. His contacts are the same for all of us, and I think you called a Mary L/N to inform us of the accident.”
The pretty blonde at the desk looked surprised at the straightforward greeting from the young boy, but she just adjusted her mask over her nose a bit more and nodded. After a few seconds of typing, she turned to the side and grabbed a file of paperwork. “Hi James, my name is Tina, and I’m a nurse here. Your dad is going to be in surgery for about an hour more I believe, but here’s the paperwork that you or Mrs. L/N are going to need to fill out. If you have any questions, you can come ask me.”
With a quick thank you to Tina, the three children went to go sit in the back of the waiting room, where a small cluster of seats stood. Y/N texted her mom to let her parents know that they had made it inside quickly while Bucky started filling out the forms. “Wait, Y/N, can you ask your mom to bring the book that’s sitting in the backseat?” 
He knew it was trivial, but he really needed that book. Y/N could see the pleading in his eyes, and nodded without question. She would have to ask him later. “Of course, James.” She always called him James during serious moments, knowing that it was what his mom called him, and it soothed him a lot. He continued to fill out the information he knew on the papers. About ten minutes later, Mr. and Mrs. L/N came in, masks on and book in hand from the parking lot. There was only one seat left, so Mr. L/N let his wife sit as he stood and looked around the area. 
It was surprisingly very quiet for the next hour and a half. Bucky had finished the paperwork with the help of Mrs. L/N within thirty minutes, but he spent the rest of his time assuring Steve’s family he was okay on a phone call and reading the baby book to Becca over and over again. 
“Not a hot dog; my hot dog.” Bucky spoke in a higher pitched voice than normal. He was always gentle with his little sister, wanting her to know that he was a calming, caring presence in comparison to his loud father. Becca pointed to the pigeon holding a hot dog on the page, giggling and spouting nonsensical baby gurgles. 
Y/N smiled at the two, and closed her eyes while listening to Bucky read the children’s book. Though he had read it numerous times in their time in the waiting room, his soothing voice just lulled her to sleep even more. She hummed a song under her breath, and let sleep take over her. 
“Mary L/N! Is there a Mary L/N in here?” A nurse dressed in baby blue scrubs and a mask entered the waiting room and Bucky shot out of his chair. Y/N rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and brought Becca closer to her chest. As Y/N’s mom raised her hand, the nurse walked towards them. “Can I talk to you alone please?”
Bucky and Y/N looked at each other with confusion written on their faces, but Mrs. L/N answered the kind nurse before Bucky could open his mouth. “Of course, lead the way.”
He knew what this meant. There was no other reason that the nurse would ask to speak to the parent alone, and his heartbeat started speeding up again. A lump rose in his throat, and he was barely able to say, “Can I hold my sister please?” Y/N nodded, knowing what the nurse and her mom were talking about as well. She handed the now quiet baby over to his shaking hands, and looked into his eyes. 
They didn’t even shed a tear.
Bucky could barely remember walking down the white hallways, turning the corner, taking deep breaths and holding onto Mrs. L/N’s hand. Y/N and her dad weren’t allowed in, as they were trying to keep as low of a number as possible inside the room, so he didn’t have the comfort of his girlfriend being there with him as he faced one of his greatest fears. 
The room was quiet when they entered, another nurse and a doctor standing at the foot of the bed where George Barnes lay. His eyes were shut from what Bucky could see, but his head was bruised and covered in a bandage, most likely covering a shaved head and gaudy scars. “He was drunk, James, he didn’t have control, and the other car didn’t see him either. He had serious trauma to the head, and a broken wrist when he entered surgery. George was in critical condition when he was brought in, but he died in surgery. I’m sorry.”
Bucky managed to nod numbly and look down at his dad. He didn’t know what to say to him. “We’ll give you a few minutes alone.” The nurses and doctor shuffled out of the room and Mrs. L/N placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder.  
“Do you want me to leave, James?” Again, he softly nodded without a word and didn’t look up as her footsteps echoed away in the empty room. Bucky secured his arms around Becca better as he walked over to take his father’s cold hand.
Bucky could only hear his heartbeat, as all the monitors were off. Even his little sister was quiet, her small squirms nonexistent. He took a few deep breaths through his mouth,and let them out through his nose. His blue eyes focused on his father’s hands, ones that used to bring him so much pain and suffering, that now laid limp and still. Finally, Bucky let out the three words that he had never heard back from his father. 
“I love you.” Pause. Becca started moving around again, but he shushed her gently. “I think that’s all that needs to be said. Goodbye.”
He placed a soft kiss on his dad’s temple, and left quickly. As soon as he opened the door, he pushed past all the people waiting for them to be done and made his way back to Y/N in the waiting room. He could hear the doctor calling his name after, but Mrs. L/N must have stopped him because he stopped hearing it after a while. Y/N stood up when she saw Bucky, but he silently grabbed her hand and led them outside. Glancing over her shoulder, she shooed her dad away, and followed him outside.
She didn’t speak until they were back in the car. They had walked around for a while, realizing they didn’t know where it was. Settling into their seats, Y/N took the bottle of hand sanitizer from the front seat cup holder and squeezed some into both of their hands. “Are you okay, James?” 
He looked at her with a straight face. “Yeah.” She frowned with his short answer, but she knew he wasn’t telling the whole truth.
“Bucky, you know it’s okay to cry, it’s just me here. It’s okay to let your emotions out sometimes. You can talk to me, like always.” She reached over to take his hand, but he moved it away. She knew it was just part of what he was feeling, but she couldn’t help but to feel hurt either way. 
“I don’t need to let my emotions out, I’m fine,” he responded in a clipped voice. Y/N nodded softly and placed her hand on Becca’s foot, wondering what had happened. Sure, Bucky had had times where he wouldn’t talk to anyone, but eventually she would always be able to get to the bottom of it and support him. This new, closed off feeling from him was different for her, and she didn’t know what had gone wrong. It was quiet for the next twenty minutes as they waited for Y/N’s parents, and even then they barely spoke. As soon as they got back to the house in Brooklyn Heights, Bucky took Becca and immediately went to their room. Y/N let out a dejected sigh and started to head to her room to email the director of her play, when her mom stopped her. 
“Honey, give him some time, okay? He’s just lost his father, and I know that he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, but it’s different now. Both of his parents have passed, and it’s a really big change for him.” She brought her daughter into a hug and dropped a kiss on her cheek before retiring to her room. Y/N walked into her room, flopping on her bed, quiet tears for her boyfriend rolling down her face.
Bucky didn’t attend dinner that night, which was okay with the rest of them. Y/N was still having a hard time not going to his room and smothering him in sweet nothings and hugs, but she understood that he needed time to process the past few hours. Her mom was right: it was a huge change. He was now orphaned, and only fifteen. Eventually, he’d need new guardians, and none of his close family was alive, and his other relatives from Romania probably had no clue he existed.
At around one in the morning, when Y/N’s parents had fallen asleep, Y/N crept out of her room quietly to check on Bucky. The door creaked a bit when it opened, giving her a view of her boyfriend sitting cross-legged on the bed, shoulders shaking from his silent sobs. He looked up upon hearing the door open, and wiped his tears off as fast as he could. “Hey, doll.”
She didn’t say anything but simply pushed him back down onto the bed gently and wrapped her arms around him. It took a few seconds, but the tears started falling again, his crying quiet. Y/N just held him for a few minutes, as he let out his tears, and rubbed his chest soothingly. When he was done, he kissed her gently and said, “Thank you.” It took another few moments, but he started talking soon enough. “I shouldn’t be sad. Right? I mean, he’s the man who hit me and my ma relentlessly, and all my life has been nothing but hell because of him. I should be fucking celebrating right now. Right?”
His watery blue eyes stared into hers, and she sighed, taking Bucky’s hands and bringing them to a sitting position. “I think it makes sense.” Y/N whispered.
Makes sense? It made no sense to him. “How can you say that?” He questioned incredulously. “This man treated us like shit, he blamed Becca for my mom’s death, he would hit me, tell me I’m not good enough,and I still worked my ass off for him. He didn’t love us! And after all the shit he put us through, put me through, why do I still care? Why do I still love him? It doesn't make sense.” Hot tears slipped down his face again, as he whispered, “It doesn’t make sense.”
He started to cry again, and Y/N pulled his head into the crook of her neck as his arms latched like vices around her torso. Running her fingers through his short brown hair, she said, “It may not make sense to you, but no matter what, as horrible as he was, that man is still your father. What he did to you was evil, pure evil, it truly was, but I can understand why after everything you’ve been through, you still love him. It doesn’t make you less of a man or weak. It makes you stronger, and I can’t be more proud of the person you’ve become since I met you. You have nothing to feel sorry for, James Buchanan Barnes. This is not your fault. None of this is.”
She moved her lips to his, and they moved against each other languidly. “I love you, James.”
His eyes opened, and hers watered up at her confession. “I love you too, Y/N.” They brought their lips together again, her thumbs rubbing small circles onto his cheekbones as they breathed each other in. When they finally pulled away, Bucky had the smallest of smiles playing across his lips. “Thank you, Y/N.”
Y/N made sure Bucky was staring at her directly, and she spoke with a firm voice. “Whatever comes next, we’ll get through it together. I promise, James.” Pressing his lips against hers one more time, he grabbed his phone off the stand and started to swipe through it. “Are you okay, Buck? You need anything? We can talk more if you need.”
Opening Spotify, he opened his “Slow Dance with Y/N” playlist. “I Can’t Believe That You’re In Love With Me” by Billie Holiday started playing, and Y/N knew exactly what he was doing. Bucky had had the playlist since the sixth grade, when he first bought his phone with the money he earned from babysitting, and the pair had danced to it numerous times before he had started dating Dot. But he didn’t even play that with her. No, this one was for his best girl, no matter what. Y/N was too special to share with anyone. Offering her his left hand with a shy grin, Y/N smiled big with an eye roll and graciously accepted it.
“Oldies music again, Bucky?” She was teasing him, and he knew it as well. Y/N absolutely adored this playlist, that he made just for the two of them, with her entire heart. Pulling her flush against his chest, his right hand coming to rest on her waist, he kissed her hair lightly.
“Well, you have always called me old fashioned, sweetheart.” He twirled her around, her giggling as they danced around the room. Becca slept soundly in the crib and the moonlight illuminated their faces. “I think this song fits in well right now.”
Y/N sighed, letting her eyes close. “It really does.” After a few seconds, she remembered her previous question that had gone unanswered and asked again. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about anything else, Buck?”
“I think I’m done, doll. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Just wanna dance with you.”
And he did, softly dancing barefoot, with the occasional twirl, until falling asleep hours later. When Y/N’s parents came to check in on them the next morning, they smiled seeing their daughter and the boy she loved so dearly wrapped around each other, quiet snores escaping the both of them.
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