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astonmartinii · 5 months

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if you need me, let me know, gonna be around [mamma mia part seven] | formula one social media au

drivers: sebastian vettel, fernando alonso & fernando alonso

flo has finally given y/n the experience of motherhood, but she’ll never forget about her overgrown kids

MAMMA MIA MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, sebastianvettel and 1,934,033 others

tagged: jensonbutton

yourusername: venturing out from christmas hibernation and adding to the already overflowing collection of teddies. oh, and getting pics like that of jens while he's out "having a job"

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user1: i am a simple woman, i see dilf jenson, i lose all sense of reality

user2: gnawing at the bars of my enclosure

jensonbutton: oh wow who is that handsome specimen on the last slide?

sebastianvettel: the man who carelessly abandoned his family !!!

fernandoalo_oficial: a man who couldn't handle that i was the best driver in the family

jensonbutton: what ???

sebastianvettel: i'm sorry... is that the ghost of the man we once knew

jensonbutton: i'm not dead

fernandoalo_oficial: to me you are

yourusername: okay guys ... the bit is up !! we do miss you jense but we're happy you're happy :)

sebastianvettel: sure.... well at least you won't try and worm your way into the crochet club

fernandoalo_oficial: as long as you still come to some of my races :)

user3: glad to see parenthood has not changed these fools

charles_leclerc: why do my selfies never make the instagram :(

yourusername: charlie, if i posted every time you sent me a picture of you crying that's all my instagram would be

charles_leclerc: but ........ i thought i was your favourite

yourusername: you know i don't have a favourite

charles_leclerc: sure if that's what you want to tell yourself

maxverstappen1: we all know you say that to not hurt charlie's feelings because i'm your favourite

fernandoalo_oficial: you people are so dramatic

maxverstappen1: says you old man, i can scroll up you know

sebastianvettel: well you're all second to flo

charles_leclerc: she's disqualified from this competition, she's your actual child you have to say she's your favourite

jensonbutton: it's more who annoys us the least

user4: 2024 and nothing has changed here

sebastianvettel

liked by yourusername, fernandoalo_oficial and 1,045,388 others

sebastianvettel: love being miles away, missing my baby and getting a running commentary of how my "grid kids" are terrorising y/n

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user7: seb is on a mission to pick up every dad hobby ever. first beekeeping and now sailing

user8: don't forget the gardening and the crochet

user9: he's collecting the infinity stones of dilfism

yourusername: a full eight hours of sleep looks so good on you

sebastianvettel: so i don't look good all the time 🤨

yourusername: of course you do handsome. me and flo miss you :((

sebastianvettel: don't say that i miss you all so much

fernandoalo_oficial: maybe that's your sign to come home?

jensonbutton: yeah i think you should listen to the universe seb, you like all that crystal and salt of the earth stuff

yourusername: sebbbbbbbbb :(((((

sebastianvettel: STOP

user10: they are so precious to me

yourusername: no but seriously if i have to teach another grid kid how to iron i might lose my mind

charles_leclerc: ummmmm stop blasting me on main?

yourusername: learn to iron then

sebastianvettel: you still don't know how to iron? i thought i taught you in 2019?

charles_leclerc: clearly not well enough !! and y/n please name and shame the others so i'm not alone

yourusername: @landonorris @logansargeant sorry

landonorris: WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU Y/N? I CALLED YOU IN CONFIDENCE

logansargeant: i don't have any excuse, thank you for the lesson y/n :)

jensonbutton: at least one of our kids is well mannered

charles_leclerc: i am well mannered, sorry i love my grid mum and her kid. i do semi-know how to iron but needed an excuse to see flo :(

user11: free my girl from these incompetent men

mickschumacher

liked by sebastianvettel, fernandoao_oficial and 921,743 others

tagged: yourusername

mickschumacher: thanks nurse y/n and nurse flo for helping me - sorry about your mug

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user12: the plaster :((((((((

jensonbutton: IT WAS YOU WHO BROKE MY I <3 NASCAR DILFS MUG

mickschumacher: sorry !

jensonbutton: nuh uh mister @sebastianvettel sort your kid out

sebastianvettel: mick said he was sorry jenson, leave him be

jensonbutton: but when lando put the rubbish in the wrong recycling he had to go litter picking with you I WANT A NEW MUG

yourusername: you guys know they aren't actually your kids, you can't put them in time out

yourusername: you can barely put your own child in time out

fernandoalo_oficial: she's too cute i don't want to make her cry

landonorris: but it's fine to make me cry?

fernandoalo_oficial: yes. in fact, it's quite fun

landonorris: Y/N!!!!

yourusername: okay, babies let's all put the phones down for this evening.

user13: nooooo y/n please i could watch these idiots argue all day

yourusername: the main thing is that your finger is all okay and that you got a cute plaster out of it

mickschumacher: i very much love my lil cat finger

yourusername: so does flo, i think you might be stuck doing puppet shows for the forseeable future

mickschumacher: anything for miss flo

user14: mamma mia family dynamics you are everything to me

fernandoalo_oficial: why did mick get a kitty plaster and i got told to do it myself :(

yourusername: because you're a grown man and you injured yourself by tripping with darts in your hands

fernandoalo_oficial: mick is a grown man - HE CAN VOTE just because he needs seb's help with the paperwork does not change that

mickschumacher: you said yourself they are confusing !!

sebastianvettel: ignore him mick

fernandoalo_oficial: booooooooo

user15: i know these men provide the best entertainment for flo even if she doesn't understand a word they're saying

yourusername: she finds them very entertaining which then starts a competition to who can make her laugh the most

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, fernandoalo_oficial and 1,447,734

tagged: alexalbon, lilymunhe

yourusername: sometimes even my most competent grid kid needs some help, happy anniversary alex and lily x

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user16: UGH this is so cute

alexalbon: grid mum or emotional support retail assistant?

lilymunhe: so how much of the heartfelt gift was really you

alexalbon: 90% !!! i swear

yourusername: it was all alex he just needed the support (idk he said that jewellery shops are stressful)

alexalbon: they are !! i don't know how big fingers are :(

lilymunhe: thank you y/n wouldn't want the 27 year old man to get lost at the mall

yourusername: no worries, i somehow gained at least 15 extra children along with flo, i just go with it. he's less hassle than charles and max

charles_leclerc: rude.

maxverstappen1: gasp!

user17: i love how much y/n has really embraced the grid mum life

user18: i don't think she had much choice 😭

user19: the way she's like "oh i'll help you all with anything you need" and takes flo on all of these side missions and the guys just leave them to die 😭

user20: they're such dad's who don't want the cat but end up attached but don't want to show it

jensonbutton: wait which one of us claim alex? is it me? why was i not invited?

alexalbon: ur my williams dad :) and i think this trip needed a woman's touch (and flo's touch obvs)

jensonbutton: rude i give great gifts

fernandoalo_oficial: considering he's one of the least feral and has lily, i want to claim alex

sebastianvettel: i have too many kids you guys can have alex

alexalbon: sebastian! did our gardening afternoons mean nothing ?

lilymunhe: we'll take it nando

sebastianvettel: did you or did you not just make it a competition with george to see who could plant potatoes the fastest and then make a mess of my vegetable garden

georgerussell63: GUILTY

yourusername: soz but you all have to claim all of them, my rules now

user21: y/n and flo going to rule that house with an iron fist

fernandoalo_oficial

liked by yourusername, jensonbutton and 1,309,244 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

fernandoalo_oficial: glad to be back on the podium, but even more proud to call you my grid kid. we all love you, especially flo :)

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user24: THEY HAVE MATCHING MIFFY PLUSHIES

user25: miffy is dutch so that might be why max got them matching ones :)

yourusername: and flo is surgically attached to her miffy (she has named her maxi, even if she can barely say it)

maxverstappen1: you are one of my heroes and it was a pleasure to share the podium with you. there's no one else in the world i'd love to dedicate my podium to than lil mia x

fernandoalo_oficial: you've got me crying again

maxverstappen1: get it all out old man

fernandoalo_oficial: already back to the old man 🤨 i guess i'll take the nice messages while i can

user26: nando getting all mushy is so cute i can't believe this is where we are

charles_leclerc: let it be known that if i had a car fast enough i would also dedicate a win to flo, but for now she'll have to settle for a song

fernandoalo_oficial: is silvia going to kill you? because seb and y/n might kill me if they get your ass over this

charles_leclerc: but it's true, no?

fernandoalo_oficial: you will not trick me into slandering my old team charlie

maxverstappen1: LOL YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE

charles_leclerc: YOU KNEW THAT WAS MY IDEA THIEF

sebastianvettel: charles why am i getting a call from silvia?

maxverstappen1: LOL

charles_leclerc: brb just going to lourdes

jensonbutton: lol way to get outshined by your kid

fernandoalo_oficial: at least i was in the position to be outshined by my kid

jensonbutton: ERGH you know you can't bring that up

fernandoalo_oficial: you said that you couldn't wait to get away from us

jensonbutton: oop.

yourusername: my wonderful boys!

maxverstappen1: :D

fernandoalo_oficial: i love you both :)

maxverstappen1: awww thanks nando

fernandoalo_oficial: i meant y/n and flo but sure love you too buddy

yourusername

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, jensonbutton and 1,610,449 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: maxy, this means more than you could know, flo very much enjoyed watching 'blu' go fast :)

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user27: is this family going to make me cry? maybe.

user28: side note, how many animal onesies does flo have they're so cute

user29: she's like a lil teddy bear

maxverstappen1: glad to have officially won the title of flo's favourite brother

charles_leclerc: NOT SO FAST MISTER

maxverstappen1: maybe if you were faster you would've dedicated a win to flo :P

charles_leclerc: LOW BLOW

danielricciardo: don't even get me started on the daniel ricciardo erasure

maxverstappen1: shush daniel let the problem children talk

charles_leclerc: yeah daniel, problem children only

sebastianvettel: should we intervene?

yourusername: no, i'm intrigued as to where this is going to go

jensonbutton: i for one love watching these dummies fight

fernandoalo_oficial: let me get my popcorn

maxverstappen1: are we just entertainment to you?

jensonbutton: yes!

charles_leclerc: the minute flo can talk ASK HER WHO IS HER FAVOURITE

sebastianvettel: sure?

user30: they can never ask that question, one of them might never recover

maxverstappen1: for real though, i love you guys and i love flo. i'll send nando home with the trophy as well :)

yourusername: awwww thank you maxy :) @sebastianvettel @fernandoalo_oficial @jensonbutton new shelf needed please

jensonbutton: i'll leave this one to "the woodwork king"

sebastianvettel: am i the only one who does anything in this house?

fernandoalo_oficial: you can't be called the woodwork king and not do the work

yourusername: you don't even let them help seb

sebastianvettel: UGH.

jensonbutton

liked by sebastianvettel, fernandoalo_oficial and 912,774 others

tagged: yourusername, danielricciardo

jensonbutton: day 4,000+ of losing our actual girlfriend to our overgrown kids

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user31: PICTURE OF DANNY WITH FLO ALERT ALERT

yourusername: not my fault you guys picked up so many stray cats while in the sport

jensonbutton: i only claim lando and alex, the rest are the others' faults

yourusername: i know you love it really

jensonbutton: not when the little tornadoes hit our house, eat all of our food and steal my baby

danielricciardo: whoops

jensonbutton: and terrorise my pets DANIEL

danielricciardo: they terrorise each other jenson, maybe they aren't as well trained as you thought

yourusername: oh god...

jensonbutton: HOW DARE YOU !!!! BECKETT, SALMON AND CREAM CHEESE ARE VERY WELL TRAINED AND WELL BEHAVED

user32: old men are going crazy we love to see it

sebastianvettel: are we a bed and breakfast?

yourusername: i fear so. you need to run back from whatever ocean you are in we are low on staff now jenson is back racing. flo might be cute but she's a liability in the kitchen

fernandoalo_oficial: maybe we should just kick them out

yourusername: noooo :( not my babies

fernandoalo_oficial: can we at least charge them?

maxverstappen1: you people are the most stingy millionaires i have ever met

charles_leclerc: i pay you in piano sorry

yourusername: don't listen to them boys, flo and i love having you over

user33: so like is there any way we could open the mamma mia bed and breakfast to the public

fernandoalo_oficial: why do the grid kids see our family more than us?

yourusername: come home more often then :(

fernandoalo_oficial: i'm working on it the plane is delayed :(

jensonbutton: personally i would just run home but that's just me

sebastianvettel: i would simply just walk on water

fernandoalo_oficial: shut up. see you later

yourusername: yay !!!!

fin.

note: writer's block has really been beating my ass so there's always mamma mia to get it flowing again. i'm still working on requests, hopefully they'll come along a little faster now! also - i started an instagram for my small business i am opening it's @badlydrawnf1cats, feel free to follow x

edit: mamma mia will return

taglist: @boiohboii @vellicora @faithm120601 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @luv4kani @eugene-emt-roe @magical-spit @ironmaiden1313 @jaydaaasworld @whoreks @rainerax @nonsensical-nonsence @laneyspaulding19 @chelseyyouraverageluigi @lxclerc @gemofthenight @woweewoowa @tagteamedbitch@imagandom@mypage-myfandoms@mehrmonga@asparklysoul @unstableplant @motorsp0rt@multilovebot@lili-flower03 @its-elias-world @jolixtreesunn@nothingfuninthislife@rileynicol3@kodzuvk@mochimommy2002@fluffyspaceprincess@roseseraj@black-swan-blog27@nyrasslut@justdreamersdream@asfaraslifegets@why4anne@ineffableperson@leilanixx@lunyyx @pupbistro @gaypoetsblog@rafaaoli@champomiel@sadsierra2 @rainerax @lokietro @thecubanator2 @nzygftoji @rockyhayzkid @nmw-am @slytherheign @erikasurfer @turn-around-look-at-what-you-see @greigreyhiyyih @duck-duck-goose-18 @dark-night-sky-99 @ironcowboycopnickel @sizzlingghostoperatorbagel @2bormaybenot @42ndbrokencompass @whotfisvale @lichterfee @sticksdoesart @glitterf1 @turn-around-look-at-what-you-see @lighttsoutlewis @tagteamedbitch @glow-ish @sadg3 @kagatinkita @litoriaxu

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v3lvieraven · 3 months

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Twisted wonderland boys x sleepy!reader

Note- in this context it’s just that your constantly sleepy. But I didn’t add ortho.

Riddle-

Honestly he’s very worried, but also finds it endearing how you cling to him all the time. He likes the fact he’s the one you go to when you get sleepy. Makes it a very big deal to everyone around him when your asleep, telling them to be quiet or else they might lose their head. Generally if it’s during class though, he will try to wake you up or help you focus. But he knows you can’t help it at all, so on those rare occasions he gives in, he will take notes for you and scold you after. Your punishment is getting a full nights sleep with him.

Trey-

He loves it, often times he finds you asleep while he’s baking something for the queen. It’s always a lovely surprise for him to find you in a place he loves being. Many times he had to redirect riddle so that you were not in his line of sight, considering you would get a scolding session. There’s many times that he’s saved you from riddle in that regard, your very lucky trey is riddles best friend.

Cater-

He absolutely loves taking pictures of you when you’d asleep (if your okay with it of course). If your okay with him taking pictures, then he might post a few. But majority are saved in a private folder. He brags about it a lot too, and will actively make sure you hear him bragging about how cute you are. Even before you have an established relationship he would seek you out so he could fawn over you. He’s definitely like Leona/Floyd in the sense that he will use you as a teddy bear

Ace-

He’s going to complain a lot, and make fun of you. No doubt. He finds it annoying at first, but once you get to know each other, he begins to love it. He definitely tells you that he hates your sleepy face, but he has so many pictures. Also he’ll tell you that he doesn’t want to carry you around, but he insists even when you tell him he doesn’t have to.

Deuce-

He finds you so adorable. Beats up everyone who makes fun of you. Despite him thinking it’s adorable, he will make sure that it’s not a mental health problem or a health problem.. just wants you to be healthy in every way possible. Still, he defends you and makes sure to keep an eye on you so you don’t fall over or pass out. He may not be as affectionate as ace, but he will still pull you onto his lap often.

Leona-

Lazy ass lion. He has the audacity to call you lazy! I think you probably stepped on his tail, then when he was yelling at you, you thought of him as a stuffed animal because of the ears and cuddled him. You were too tired to realize what you were doing, and the best part is he let you. Now he drags you to the garden to be his stuffed animal. He gets very possessive and won’t let you sleep near anyone else.

Ruggie-

He also finds it endearing, although he doesn’t have much time to spare, he will coddle you and fawn over you like cater. But he expects something in return for looking after you while your asleep, often makes you take him on lunch dates. Teases you about your sleepy face but immediately starts pouting when you stop.

Jack-

He’s flustered, big strong wolf boy is turned into a needy puppy in your hands. Every time you cuddle up to him during class, whether it’s because the class is boring or because your tired and the room is cold, he always gets startled. You thought you were bothering him and stopped which caused him to be even more needy.

Azul-

His sleep schedule was absolutely fucked up. So your sleepy personality actually really helped when you whined for him to take a break and take a nap. Almost made you sign a contract to only take naps with him, and is still considering it. Probably asks you about it though, if you say yes he will be ecstatic. Due to his workload he’s often pent up, in need of relaxation! Meaning you are his perfect match

Jade-

Jade teases you all the time without relent. He loves it so much how could he not! But only he’s allowed to make fun of you for it, no one else. If your sensitive then he will try to tone it down though. I can imagine that he took you in a wagon while he was looking for mushrooms. That’s been stuck in my head all day, him just pulling your sleeping form around in a wagon.

Floyd-

He’s too energetic for his own good! Like I said earlier, he will use you as a stuffed animal. Hauling you around campus and really anywhere he goes while hugging you. Bites you to wake you up or make you focus and pay attention to him. He hates that he has to chase after your focus but it’s all worth it when your half-glaring at him but are too tired to do anything. It’s very cute!

Kalim-

Also is too energetic for his own good! Will scream in delight when you lay your head on his shoulder. But he’s a sweetheart about it, may or may not carry a pillow around for you so that your neck won’t hurt when taking a nap. Unfortunately that’s not very good when the teacher can clearly see the pillow and it definitely makes you stand out.

Jamil-

He’s more calm about it, he wants you to do well in school, so he might scold you or “monitor” you while you sleep. It’s kinda creepy, most of the time he does that thing where he stays there and cuddles with you until you fall asleep. That’s until he figures out that it backfires because now you wake up whenever he leaves…

Vil-

Oh dear, this will not do! Your hair is a mess, and while it may look cute like that you need to brush it out. He will scold you lightly but only because he’s worried about you. Rook managed to convince him to do your makeup while your asleep, he kept those photos as his wallpaper. But overall he loves you deeply, even if you constantly sleep on top of him when he’s supposed to be doing something…

Rook-

He will find out what is causing this. No matter what. It doesn’t matter if it’s a health problem that he can’t entirely fix, or if it’s just something like lack of sleep or insomnia, maybe narcolepsy. He wants to know if he can help. He still teases you, but that’s mostly to mask his worry. Will slip in little reminders to take care of yourself.

Epel-

He isn’t one to like cute things, but your the exception! He likes how calm you are! (I figure him as a person who likes either a very calm/tired person or an energetic partner. No in between) Honestly he likes how easy going you are, sometimes he feels like his life is too intense and you help level that. Draws on you in your sleep, but also makes sure you take care of yourself.

Idia-

Aw your so cute! You look like those anime girls that sleep all the time. Honestly he loves it, the only part he dislikes is when you don’t eat or drink because of exhaustion. He cares a lot for you though, enough that he will pause his game or let himself lose because you need something.

Malleus-

Lovely dragon boy, adorable dragon boy. He’s so in love, feels honored that you trust him enough to be in such a vulnerable state around him. That being said, he will make sure under no circumstances you don’t get woken up. Unless you need to eat or drink or shower and stuff like that. Sebek is prohibited from being around you when your in this state, specifically because he started yelling at you when you were sleeping on malleus’s lap. It stormed that night.

Lilia-

Aw you are so adorable! He could just hang upside-down with you! He’s done that as well, sometimes you don’t wake up and he gets all giddy. Almost dropped you… he scares you awake though, mainly because he finds it so cute with the face you make when you get startled.

Sebek-

I’m not even gonna lie, you arnt getting any naps in around him. It happens once in a while, those times are very special. It only happens when he’s sleepy or when your sick. That’s when he allows himself to be affectionate and cut loose. Mainly he will hold your hand while you sleep or he might play with your hair, but that’s about it. It’s not that he hates physical affection he’s just not used to it.

Sliver-

Immediately falls in love. If he’s the one that’s more tired, your stuck with waking him up and hauling him around with you when needed. He won’t object though, just make sure you cuddle him later to make up for it. Really hates when his sleep is disrupted but when it comes to you, it’s a lot better. If your the one that’s more sleepy, then it kinda depends. You’re either screwed or you’re being dragged with him wherever he goes. Says he sleeps better with you

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lovebugdrabbles · 14 days

Text

Wriothesley Headcanons n$4w vers

notes: i need readers to please go into this believing bro is 35 years of age MINIMUM. or u won't get my VISION. also, my tags are messy bc it's my first time posting my writing on tumblr so just pretend ik how to tag my writing.

warnings: n$4w obvs, 1k words, untitled sentences for the aesthetic, semi-lit, i do use apostrophes, shortened words/abbreviations, i want him in a muzzle so that's mentioned, inappropriate use of handcuffs, i mention he gets rough, i write him as a sweetie pie lowkey tho, tbh it’s a little vanilla, i made a joke abt being ford tough and i feel that warrants a warning, biting, pet name ‘doll’ used, (brief mention) ass slapping , (brief mention) hair pulling, i call him a teddy bear a couple times, (mentioned) slight manhandling, i get a little too into imaging him subby, oops, i also get a bit caught up in soft dom wriothesley,

now playing |◁ II ▷| ‘doin time’ by sublime

methinks he's defff vers/switch but will fully let a partner take over or will take control himself. i don't believe he's picky in this department for a moment. i think he might prefer dom however his dom side has limits.

i bet he's sooo vocal. letting every little grunt and moan out. word vomits too. whatever he’s thinking, his partner will hear it.

big softie. idc. he is a SWEET MAN. 'love should be warm' headass.

so many pet names for his partner. doll, baby, baby-doll, babe, sweetheart, hon/honey. but doll or sweetheart r his faves.

using his title in bed makes him melt.

like i don't think he's malicious in bed. like truly. he seems teddy-bearish to me but i could be looking thru rose colored glasses i must say.

he's def a bit rough tho but i think it'd be in a playful way. there is times he’d get too into the moment and grab on a bit too tight to a thigh or the hair he's running a hand thru or snap his hips a little too hard but he doesn't mean to and will apologize immediately and try to make it up to a partner or even stop mid-session to make sure the other party is alright.

not opposed to using the cuffs if a partner asks. on him or his partner. but he needs enthusiastic consent before or he won't do it.

i do think he’s actually rlly good abt asking for consent to do things tho. but he does it in a way that it feels like part of sex and not just asking for permission ‘you like that?’, ‘you wanna keep going, doll?’ ‘wanna keep taking me?’ but he will make said doll use their words or he won’t keep going. mans is a whore for hearing a partner beg or ask him to do something and he's not above it either.

he seems like the type to wanna hold hands while going at it. like if his hands can reach his partners they are intertwined or at least touching. a pinkie wrapped around the other at the very least. he feels closer and just… better with it

y'all know the shirt that says 'warning this bitch bites' he needs it. will leave marks that last for days and absolutely loves if a partner does it too. but he does feel a bit guilty after especially if it's a hard bite so will pepper kisses on them after.

seeing his bite marks on a partner drives him crazy tho. like, makes him stop in his tracks and wakes up smth in him like a sleeper agent.

kisses thru-out the ordeal soz u can pry this from my cold dead hands. he feels a little guilty if he isn't kissing a hand, a clavicle or any piece of skin he can delicately place a smooch on occasionally when he's not biting ofc.

additionally: my brain has been occasionally FOGGED w thoughts of him in a muzzle. i'm drooling rn actually. i think he'd have a love-hate relationship with it since he wouldn't be able to kiss or bite a partner but he absolutely bends at a partner’s will when they tug on the bars and that's the best part for him

honestly i don't think he'd be comfortable going much harder than what i've mentioned. maybe he'd allow a few slaps on the ass but idk just seems out of character imo. being rough and tumble is for work and the ring and i think he'd keep it that way.

i did say he's a switch/vers so it's time to talk abt both sides of the coin :))))

when he's in a particularly subby mood; he's pathetic. a complete mess of a man.

its so satisfying to see a guy so high in power just groveling to someone.

i bet he looks at a partner w the biggest puppy dog eyes, mumling the softest and breathiest pleases, his hair all tousled and falling over his face. he thinks he's willing to do anything a partner orders him to do atp.

especially interested in peppering kisses on a partner when he's in this mood. nuzzling and sighing as he wraps his arms around his partner and smooches.

this is the time he is very much not opposed to the handcuffs on him.

i think he'd asked to be praised or called a good boy on these nights. i don't make the rules.

this is when he gets vocal. whimpering included too.

but the facade almost immediately drops when aftercare starts.

on the topic of a dom wriothesley; honestly i dont see him getting into the rough dom role but staying more of a soft dom and being very comfortable there.

that is where the word vomit happens, talking a partner through it all when he's in this mood, telling them how good they feel, they're being so good, or to quiet down despite being a bit noisy himself but that's what his biting is for.

moaning into every bite. teeth marks and hickeys covering a partner the next morning leading to that system overload i touched on earlier.

willing to try more positions when he's in this mood fs but he truly believes you cant go wrong w the classics. *cough cough* missionary

this is when he gets real into it and loses himself in the moment like i mentioned earlier. hips bucking and hands reaching to hold onto a partner like they'll escape.

he gets a little bit rougher but its still not in a mean way more in a 'oh yeah? watch this.' type way. pulling a partner closer of man handling them to hold their hips in a better position.

occasionally those pet names get a very adamant 'my' in front of them.

i think this is when his most comfortable area of aftercare comes in but not before one last thing.

he'd like to stay holding a partner for a bit afterwards, letting everyone regain their bearings before hopping into aftercare mode if he was the one in control.

aftercare on top tho. tea, running a bath, helping a partner bathe if they so want, helping a partner get dressed if they're super sore, massages, just all out pampering, especially if he gets a little rough.

he equally enjoys reciving aftercare but is hesitant bc he says he's fine or he's built tough. BUILT FORD TOUGH. sorry idk where that came from and he is but the guy needs to let a partner take care of him sometimes.

the 'love is supposed to be warm' line weighs heavy on me if u cant tell. he's just a teddy bear :(( ugh i'll sob.

la fin !

end notes: tysm for reading the ravings of a madman !! i've had so many random ass thoughts abt him since playing the story quests lmfao and i wanted to get out of my fluffy/horror writing comfort zone so i wrote basically what i think he's like in bed jsjsjs. i may be posting some stuff on boothill from honkai star rail but it'll probably be more rambling just about robotics and prosthesis for now if i post. if i don't post that i'm wrapping up a wriolette fic soon and that will be up here or on my ao3 under the same user !! till next timeee

#wriothesely genshin #genshin imagines #wriothesley headcanon #wriothesley #wriothesley x reader #wriothesley x you #ns4w #n$4w #n$fw #genshin impact #wriothesley headcanons #wriothesley genshin #wriothesley x gn reader #ok funnies hidden in tags #just one night pls ur grace #i am begging #i'll do what ever you want babygirl

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rosemarydisaster · 3 months

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Magnus Protocol ARG

Im not sure if someone else has already done this (most likely) but I've been re-readin the magnus institute excell with all the kids names. Since the tests where psychological in nature I thought maybe I could figure out if the "Connor" Dyer profile worked for Alice. But I think I've found out something about Sam. This might be the most tin foil hat theory I've had in a while but it makes sense! I've connected the dots!!!!!

There's a couple of things I need to stablish first:

The names seem to be ranked from lowest to highest score on the empathy test.

Sam scored the highest, Gerry the second highest (Dyer is closer to the middle of the list).

The tests seem to relate to cognitive development, especially related to morality and empathy.

The Asch test measures your "conformity" aka, how susceptible you are to peer pressure. Basically, they ask you a question, everyone before you gives the wrong answer, and the test is whether you would give the correct answer or go with what the others said.

The Milgram test measures your obedience when in conflict with your morality. The (very) abridged version is: they tell you tu punish someone by shocking them with increasing voltages and if you refuse they ask you to continue. The experiment goes on until reaching 450 volts or if the participant completely refuses even when ordered to continue.

We know the Institute was trying to find Subjects, Agents and Catalysts (there's an amazing post about this from @alice-apparently )

Okay so I made a little excell with the relevant info:

Both Gerry and Dyer show low conformity and obedience levels. Which, knowing Gerry (and maybe Alice??) makes complete sense. We can assume that they both chose to give the correct answer even if everyone else answered differently, and they also refused to administer the punishment even when directly ordered.

Sam on the other hand, mr "would rather die than complain about being forcefed cake" did in fact go with what most people said instead of the correct answer. He also finished the Milgram experiment, going against his moral compass to obey the instructions.

I think they were trying to find viable subjects to groom into avatars for the eye. Hear me out. The kids with the lowest empathy score show high scores in the Milgram test (makes sense, they don't care as much about hurting people) but from 80% empathy forward no one scores high. No one except Sam, the one with the highest empathy score.

Why not just pick the one's with the least empathy? the least empathetic kids were also the youngest and the ones with lowest cognitive developement (I do not go in deph about the other test but you can see the scores for yourself here). This kids aren't useful yet, because maybe they'll become more empathetic (And as such, more resistent to the Milgram test) as they grow up/develop.

Not Sam. He has perfect scores in every single development test, he has the highest empathy and yet he's the most likely to be influenced to harm other people.

In episode 10 Sam confirms his obsession with finding out why they didn't chose him despite having the highest scores. Gerry was the second highest and he didn't get picked either. My theory is that Sam was indeed chosen, and the fact that he shows no survival instincts when it comes to figuring this mystery out is prove.

His test results show someone whiling to file useless papeworks with extremely personal information because "well, you're supposed to even if no one reads it". Also Teddy leaving for a job that somehow didn't actually exist smells like somebody trying to free a spot in the very Eye-coded OIAR. A spot that Sam is more than happy to accept.

I don't know if this is an incredibly long con to condition Sam into the perfect vessel for the eye or if the Magnus Institute had to change plans after burning down. If it's the latter I can see them being very happy when their specialest little boy signed up for the OIAR and fell right into their laps again. Either way, Sam's fucked.

#tmagp theory #tmagp #tmagp 10 #tmagp spoilers #tmagp arg #samama khalid #gerry keay #alice dyer #oiar

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seriousbrat · 23 days

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I'm extremely unfair to Remus on this blog, the truth is fanon remus is personally offensive to me on many levels so I'm loath to give him protagonism of any kind lol. But that's not fair at all to a character that actually, when all's said and done, I do love. perhaps the marauder I'm least interested in (lol) but he still rates high on my list of fave hp characters and I honestly find him a very pleasant perspective to write from. he's just like some guy. his big crime is negligence/avoidance and I love that for him. to be honest I think his position is a difficult one to fully understand, he is a character that I'm able to muster up a lot of empathy for because of that. like can any of us irl understand what it's like to turn into a literal monster every month since childhood, the point-blank rejection and hatred from society, and what effect that might have on someone's psyche? it's interesting!!!

moony's worst hits, lets go:

remus tolerating the marauders' bullying: obv this was wrong. he was the only one who recognised it was wrong, and he tolerated it. he 'made them feel ashamed of themselves' sometimes per sirius, but honestly I can understand why he never spoke up. I don't think we should underestimate how rare the marauders' tolerance, not only tolerance but the lengths they went to to help remus with his condition was. for a teenager? I can only imagine how that must have felt tbh. he likely thought that he barely deserved their friendship and loyalty and that he was lucky to have it so why would he do anything to ruin that

remus not telling anyone about sirius being an animagus: bad lol, his worst moment probably. again, though, I can understand it even though I don't justify it. the trust dumbledore had placed in him, first to accept him at hogwarts and then again as a professor (we know how difficult it is for werewolves to find employment of any kind) and he just couldn't face betraying that trust. Luckily for Remus it turned out ok but it is kind of insane that he didn't tell dumbledore tbh.

remus not writing to harry: idc about this personally lol but to me it ties into remus's inferiority complex. he doesnt, and will never, see himself as anything like a father figure to harry the way sirius does. he barely sees himself as a worthy father to his own kid let alone the complex case that is harry. is that unfair to harry and unempathetic? yeah probs but also it makes sense to me even beyond the reason Remus gives in canon for not writing. He put Harry in terrible danger in PoA and given Remus's self-hatred he probably feels guilty about that lol.

walking out on Tonks: his other worst hit. But I can understand him, even though I think Harry was 100% right to tell him off. Again we've got this man's crippling inferiority complex, from what he says he thinks he's a burden and a curse to both Tonks and Teddy-- and you know what, society isn't exactly contradicting this belief. Obviously Tonks doesn't agree and that should be all that matters, but sometimes it doesn't seem that way. There's avoidance here (Remus's big flaw) and I legit think he thought he was doing Tonks a favour by disappearing on some quest with Harry and likely dying in the process. Interesting stuff but also very sad.

all this to say, I don't believe in "defending" characters, just understanding them, and even though I barely post about him I do find Remus very interesting, worthy of empathy in many ways. I'll admit the werewolf thing leads me to give him more of a pass than other characters just because I find that so horrible lol and feel so sorry for him but anyway. a good character in my opinion.

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x-liv25-jamieswife · 1 month

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For the release of ttpd, can a girl get some sad Grayson hcs 😔✊ <3

sad grayson head canons

of course<3. i eat up sad tig hcs so i might make some for the rest of the brothers and avery (probably will). hope you like them! this one is going to be kinda dark (i like making my favorite tig characters suffer) so trigger warning for self-harm and suicidal thoughts/attempts. take care of yourselves, and try to talk to someone if you can. as someone who's been through a lot of shit last year, i can promise you things, at some point, start looking up (this might be corny, but i felt the need to say it) (i may be projecting in some of these cause i love making myself see myself in my fav characters if that makes sense).

grayson used to go out (like to the park or smth) and watch all of the kids playing with each other wishing he could be like them.

sometimes he gets so self-destructive he doesn't eat or drink water. he just lies in bed wishing he could magically die.

grayson heard the prochecy, the black dog, loml, and down bad from ttpd for the first time and started sobbing uncontrollably (so many other songs but yk, im not gonna write all of them down)

when he gets in those self destructive moods, he tends to piss people off/make people sad on purpose so that they'll get made and leave him (he secretly wishes that someone can see through all of his pain and be there for him)

very dark so trigger warning (even though i gave one at the beginning. you can never be too sure), grayson used to have scars on his ribs bc he would hurt himself. he never cut deep enough for it to actually scar permanently bc he 'has an image to uphold' according to tobias.

although swimming is a coping mechanism, it's also a form of self-harm for him sometimes. he swims until he can't feel his legs anymore, and sticks his head underwater for extended periods of time until he feels like he's about to drown.

i actually saw this in a conan gray interview, but he used to cross the street without looking left and right hoping a car would hit him.

he hears emily's voice in his head more often than he lets on. whenever he hears her voice, he'll press his nails so hard into his palms, they start to bleed.

he somehow managed to get his hands on some anti-depressant behind tobias' back and started taking them, but, sometimes, when he was especially suicidal, he would try to overdose on the pills. it never worked.

he's convinced himself that he deserves the pain he causes himself/the people cause him.

tobias knew about his unhealthy coping mechanisms but didn't do shit to help him bc didn't want him to 'soften up' making grayson think his grandfather thought he deserved the pain.

grayson will purposely make himself stay awake for days on end bc he doesn't think he deserves to get sleep sometimes (he needs to work. in his head, everything will go to shit if he doesn't)

sometimes he'll go swing on this swing they have in blackwood forest to feel like a kid again (it sometimes works)

he has this stuffed teddy bear nash gave him when he was a baby that he sometimes sleeps with when he feels alone (even though he'd grown now).

this one is extremely dark, probably the darkest one yet so tw for suicide attempt(ish its not really one).......... at the age of fifteen, he actually bought pills to overdose on and set a date (the 14th of may (really random)). he was going to off himself that day but didn't end up doing it bc his brothers dragged him out to play chess (idk, anything works). he said he'd do it some other day but never go to it. every year, on that day, he celebrates not offing himself bc he wouldn't have met the people he met and wouldn't have gotten to feel the happiness he now feels if he had.

he's convinced himself he isn't worthy of love (this one also applies to jamie, a lot of these actually do in my opinion, they're quite similar when you think about it. probably will make a post about this)

when he was a baby, he'd imagine his stuffed teddy was actually his mom when he felt the need to be held by a parental figure. it almost never worked, but he would always try again hoping it would magically start working.

he has panic attacks on a regular basis. ones where he starts pulling at his hair and stuff. he thinks he's going crazy after these, but avery reassures him he isn't (or nash, but i like the idea of avery being there for him as a friend/sister figure)

when he was younger, he used to ask people if they wanted to come to his house and play with him. they said yes but only bc he was rich. the second they'd step foot into his house, they'd leave him and start exploring.

this sort of goes with the hc i made that he denies himself food and stuff, but, when he gets cold at night and wants to lower the temperature, he'll force himself to stay in bed and take the blankets off to let himself suffer.

he secretly wishes people weren't so scared of him bc then he might have friends.

sometimes, he starts feeling so numb with everything he goes back to the cliff where emily died just to feel smth.

he's such a perfectionist he would cry whenever he got lower than a 90% at school.

it might not look like it, but he really cares about people's opinions of him and will do everything in his power to 'fix' what these people think is wrong with him.

whenever he gets mad at the world or at himself, he'll go to one of those places where you smash and break everything. when he's done, he makes himself sit in the mess and look at all of the destruction he caused (he sees this as him destroying everything in his life (like his relationships, etc))

to end on a brighter note, here's a happy grayson hc :)

when he was younger and wanted smth, he would jump with his hands clasped together begging for it with the cutest puppy eyes ever (i find this one really adorable and can literally picture it in my head).

not proof read so i apologize for any spelling mistakes<3. again, there are resources you can use if you ever need help. if you can, try to get a therapist, and, if you can't, talk to a friend/family member or call a helpline. things can get better. sending everyone lots of love.

#the inheritance games #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne #avery grambs #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne

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dreamties · 2 years

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Slashers with a sweet & shy pushover GN! reader

A/n- I should be just about arriving to the airport by the time this posts (so I won’t be able to check it at all)- but I really hope everyone likes this! I’d love to hear from everyone <333

T/W: Swearing, inferences to non-con (not by the slashers !!), cringy pick up line I got off the web 😭, uhhh maybe other stuff? I think that might be it though. A teeny bit of angst tho!

Characters: Brahms Heelshire, Bo Sinclair, Vincent Sinclair, Lester Sinclair, Michael Myers, Billy Loomis & Stu Macher and Kurt Kunkle

Brahms Heelshire

you would follow his rules so well !! afraid that messing up even a single step will end in catastrophe (you couldn't disappoint the Heelshires like that 😔)

before meeting face to face with Brahms- and you still thought you were just taking care of a doll -you never purposefully broke a rule. not once. and this is something he had never seen his other nannies do !! he's impressed and curious, and begins to feel much more comfortable with the idea of heading out of the walls to greet you.

you're definitely thoroughly spooked when you actually meet him !!

but your reaction, frankly, surprises him. he's met with confusion, sure. but also curiosity and a sense of wonder.

your not scared- which maybe you should have been. but you were given no reason to assume that this man could be of danger to you.

you don't leap into his arms (though he would've been quite thrilled by that!), but you don't run away screaming, either. it takes some soft explanation from Brahms, but you adapt to it. you invite him down for lunch. quietly letting him know there'd be sandwiches, and you'd cut off the crusts just the way he likes it.

Brahms is an extremely handsy and clingy boy ! you're just completely oblivious to his advances though, poor Y/n :(

you're always getting upset when you have to deal with the rat traps, and it's not like Brahms is gonna help you- that ain't his job. the most of support you might receive from him is staying nearby to you as you clean them out. despite how upsetting it was for you, you handle the dead rats with care and respect.

I think having someone like you in his life really helps him,, mature in a way.

like when he throws fits, you always get so scared and start crying

and...he might not be totally aware that he is causing that at first, but over time Brahms starts to notice. and he feels awful about doing this to you.

"Y/n?" Brahms calms himself, reaching out to you in a tiny, quieted voice. He tilts his head, giving a worried look at your shaking form. You're covering your eyes with your hands.

You turn away from him, discreetly lifting your hands to wipe away your tears and then move them back into place with the same ease- perfecting the weeping image. Your throat feels tight, and even as you try to let your boyfriend know that it's okay, you're fine, it comes out warbled. Brahms frowns behind his mask. "I hurt you?" You shake your head in your hands. "Sorry, no, no- I. I'm sorry." "It's okay." "But-but-- I'm supposed to be taking care of you and-" you try to muffle your words. "My yelling hurt you?" He asks again. You finally drop your hands to your lap and twist your body to look at him. He's genuine about it, his eyes boring into your form. You simply nod. Your tear streaked face displayed entirely to Brahms. He brings a large, shaky hand to cradle your face. You lean into it as he says he's sorry again and again.

Brahms would adore being able to pull you close and cuddle up with you so much !! all soft and cuddly like a lil teddy bear

it is SO hard to say no to him, and he nearly always gets his way because of your push over nature :(

he will not be standing up for you, unless it's against other people or intruders (he's protective of you, just not from him...)

Bo Sinclair

Bo totally freaks you out at first !!

he's just so,,, him. and he's stubborn on changing. he's got a bit of a temper and tends to be loud (and violent) when he's angry. that's all he really knows how to be.

when you finally come around to him...I think it would be after witnessing a softer side of him. like he's feeling sad and avoiding his feelings, and just focuses on his work and doesn't talk much. cause he doesn't want to yell at you. and when you're given time alone with him, you offer to be his shoulder to cry on, and accept him with gentle caution. he doesn't accept it...but he doesn't flip out in a burst of anger. it's progress. and it shows the two of you are comfortable with each other.

He doesn't apologize much. He hates admitting that he's in the wrong, but if he ever makes you cry, then he's quick to comfort you.

That feels so unforgivable.

He'll promise though- kissing your forehead, cheek, then lips- that he'll be better. For you, for the sanctuary of Ambrose, for the love of his brothers; he'll be better, kinder. He'll lose cracked and falling bits from his angry facade.

and it sort of...works? Your kindness runs off on him, and he can slowly afford to be better towards you and maybe even his brothers. But damn it, Y/n, he ain't boutta be treating his victims like real visitors anytime soon. Whether you like that or not.

He stands up for you all the time. EVEN against his brothers! :O

If any visitors say shit to you, then you know for sure, they'll be hell to pay

It's just Bo's love language <33

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent isn't shy but...he does keep to himself more.

like...he has to participate in the killings. but he does that to keep himself and his brothers safe. to keep the town hidden. it's what he needs to do.

what he likes to do though, is stay in his work room, and create his wax sculptures. or lounge in his room, sketching. which I think is great for you, I'd imagine it would be pretty overwhelming for you to be around all of the brothers, all the time. but having that one on one time?? that's all the two of you really need. is that. each other.

speaking of him sketching !!

he loves sketching you. you're his muse. after he's done he'll gently slide it into your hands, for you to take a look. no matter how many times he does this, you always get so happy and end up as a blushy, blubbering mess. like !! vinnie !! ur so sweet !! i dont deserve this !! *tearing up from pure joy and the feeling of being completely and wholly loved*

Just because you’re a pushover does not mean you don’t have strong feelings! You can get really upset easily, but it’s much harder to actually share with Vince what’s wrong.

since he’s generally quieter (and watches from the shadows a lot :O)— he’s very perceptive. He’s often able to figure out when you’re upset before you begin showing it, y’know?

you’re not crying (yet) but there’s a twisted & scrunched line between ur brows that you’re desperately trying to smooth out— by willing your emotions to go.

but that’s not how that goes :( you’re only hurting yourself, love

Vincent will scoop you up and carry you to the bedroom. He’ll sign to you, asking what’s wrong. Petting your hair as he watches and/or listens for your response.

Lester Sinclair

Lester and Vincent are the only men I'd trust with an s/o like this

I think it would take a little longer for you to fully adjust to Lester though, he's so much louder and more out going than you are !! it's a lot to take in. but he's also such a sweetie, the two of you complement each other so well <3

Lester WILL stand up for you with passerby's and "guests" but I think has so much respect and love but also this terrified feeling around his brothers that he has a very tough time letting them know when boundaries are crossed.

if it’s emotional stuff, okay. Whatever. He hates that Bo can just— act like such a jackass to you with no repercussions! But…he’s Les’ brother. What can he do?

if it’s physical boundaries being crossed- Lester is slow to it at first, but he may start a physical fight with his brother(s).

Michael and Lester are akin to each other in this way, but Les openly expresses it more: how has he picked up such a lovely partner? He’s just the ol’ scraggly, road kill guy.

you seem to always see the best in people (or just naively unaware of your constant danger. . .)

will definitely try his best to get you out of your shell !! But is very understanding if it makes ya anxious doing certain stuff.

you’ll go with him to pick up the animals left out to rot!

you’re not real big on handling them the first few years you live in Ambrose, but the closer you get with ur boyfriend and the more accustomed you are to his way of life— you help him bring them to his truck and drop off ones you don’t need to decompose into the earth.

you won’t skin any animals with him- you’re still pretty timid when it comes to watching him do it.

but you’ll help clean his knives

And delicately scrub the dirt off his face, till he’s bright and new and fresh

and in return- not because of all the sweet things you’ve done (though he mighty appreciates it) but how much he loves you- he brings you to bed in his house. Getting the both of you comfortably under the sheets, tangled your legs with each other’s and the cooling features of your comforter. He’ll hold your head, your face, his entire love in his tough, overworked hands. Kissing your nose and wiping the tears before they meet his skin.

Michael Myers

oh, people yelling freaks you out??? well good news for you, because this man doesn't talk- at all !!*

*well okay, he does a little bit but-

I think Michael would be super confused on how he ended up with you in his life. you're all the things he isn't.

your kind and tender, and incredibly patient with Michael. you rarely get upset with how Michael functions. he's quiet and near emotionless, but you'll take him in your arms with care regardless.

while he may not be anything like you- that doesn't mean he should be treated like a monster. he's done a lot of dark things, but he isn't all the bad things he's done. he's more than his bad behaviors. and there's this raw sense of innocence to you. it's not that you don't know about everything he's done, and you're not ignoring it. but you're able to see everything that's underneath. and no one has ever been able to do that to Michael before. not at Smithsgrove, with Loomis and other doctors constantly surrounding him, poking and prodding, trying to figure out what made him tick. what was inherently wrong with his being.

just because he had murdered once didn't mean that it would happen again. it was a darkness that simmered beneath him. it was preventable.

you treat him as anything but a monster

it's that "sorry, but they asked for NO pickles" meme, except Michael's just standing there with a knife to some dudes throat, while you nervously hold your burger, shaking like a wet cat

You present yourself with all honesty, Michael can learn to be himself around you. Whoever he is

He likes that he can just sit in the same room as you, and do individual activities and not have to talk. But still having the comfort you're nearby <3

He'll show you his little "craft projects" and may even invite you to help out.

I'd imagine still being pretty nervous to help out though- it's not like you think he'll hurt you if you mess up, but that shy, anxious energy coursing through you says otherwise.

back tracking a bit— Michael is killing every single fucker that thinks it’s even remotely okay to mess with you. Or talk to you. Or. Breathe in ur direction.

he’s just Extra Extra protective with an F/O like this haha

love this guy <3

Billy Loomis & Stu Macher

these boys will tease you so much about it !!

but...if anyone else tries anything they may or may not end up dead the next day :)

they can't do that to every person though because that would "raise suspicion" or whatever. they'll definitely be chewed out for making fun of their baby though >:(

Also!! Billy will encourage you to stand up for yourself. he loves you and he feels so GOOD being able to protect you from any harms but dammit Y/n :\\ it hurts him to see you shoved around like that

Stu will be embarrassing the hell out of you every pick-up line he gets!

“Feel my shirt,” he tells you. You look up with a muddled confusion.

“I’m sorry?” You squeak out. Stu’s mind briefly wanders, I wonder if there are any good mouse ones. . .cheese? Hmm— next time. Yeah.

“Feel it,” he tries again, holding the hem of his sweater out for you to touch. He wiggles his eyes at you and you can’t help but cover your face at his expression.

“C’mon,” he whines. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like his little jokes but they’d been so consistent over the past few weeks. You’re boyfriend was a nutjob. But oh, did you love him. You laugh to yourself, feeling the fabric. It’s so soft- you want to bury your head in his chest. “Do you know what it’s made of?” You quirk a brow at him. ”Boyfriend material!” He grins, his whole aura beaming with a sunshine glow. The dust of pink and warmth on your cheeks blossom and you hide behind your hands, as Stu can’t help cracking himself up— finally covering your form in his. God, you were so cute when you were embarrassed.

Kurt Kunkle

Kurt loves doing those trendy couple tags and challenges- in hopes that'll help his channel grow and he'll get more recognition :)

he absolutely drags you into these...even if you don't want to

he shows you off a lot, which makes you so nervous !! but he's so proud and excited to call you his partner <333

He kind of just. Ignores your anxiety and pushes you out of your comfort zone. Like all the time. you'll be fine!!! He promises. C'mon! Join him! Pleasseeeeee !!!!

you still try your best to be patient with him though, even if he's not always really patient with you.

As for soft cuddly time with his precious, beautiful partner that deserves literally everything??? Oh baby, he's all over you.

He adores being allowed just. In your presence.

You're so sweet to him. He could drown in the warmth of your arms spread wide, clinging onto his body, fingers curling in the fabric of his tee-- cuddling like he's a big teddy. It's cute. He wishes he could see it from at outsiders pov

There will be no Kurt making you cry in this household !!! No, no...you poor darlins.

He totally messes up a lot though, and you'll tear up even at his mistakes.

He's recording an intro for his channel and his voice is a little too loud. It catches something more stern one night while playing Fort Nite on stream, jokingly calling out a commenter.

He won't rush to care for you right a way, but he'll awkwardly hold you in his arms and try to kiss away your tears <33

Kurt is a little wacky but he's also just suuuuuuch a fucking sweetie, cutie, whatever. All of the pet names 🥰

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somuchbetterthanthat · 4 months

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There are several posts I want to do about the office dynamics in Protocol, but I think as a summary, beyond "fascinating", i'd say that I'm amazed that three episodes in, we've already got such a nuanced idea of how they all navigate with one another.

The first impression we get from Episode 1, for example, is that Alice and Colin get along, possibly that Colin actually genuinely likes Alice ("Ha. Tell Alice it's funny."), and in contrast to how Alice and Gwen snip at each other, you want to immediately make them a "pair" (not at all in a romantic sense, just in a "oh they're the Friends" here).

But episode 3 shows that it is more nuanced that that -- yes, maybe Alice and Colin like each other on the surface, but Alice is ready to go behind Colin's back for the work, which shows us they're colleagues who are friendly, and not friends per say. Doesn't mean Alice wants the friendly relationship to disappear, since she asked Sam to go on about it rather than do it herself, because she doesn't want to antagonize Colin, or loose that connection between them, but it's obviously a very different relationship that Sam and Alice, who are friends who happen to be colleagues now, where Sam can casually tell Alice /nope, not going along with that/ and Alice readily goes /fine/ and doesn't push the matter.

I think Teddy amplifies the idea of the difference between a friendly colleague you like and a friend pretty well in ep 1. Teddy says even though he leaves they can all still hang out together, and Alice is hesistant when she agrees, the conversation trailing off. And like. Yeah. That often what happens, isn't it? You are at a job and you really like your colleagues, you guys do friendly stuff together, but when one of them leave the job, or you leave the job, you might catch up a couple of times with them at the beginning, but then, well, they've got a new colleague, you've got a new job, life changes, and suddenly the link is... Broken. Not because you didn't like each other! But because work was keeping you glue together. (Kinda the same thing that happens with a lot of school friendships).

I was initially taken aback by Alice asking Sam about 'her favour', but now I'm like. Yes. This is how it works in office spaces sometimes, isn't it? There are people that you like, but there is also work, and the line constantly blurr on what you think is best and the genuine connections you might want with the people you work with. Also, admitedly, Colin DOES Behave wildly enough that it's not like Alice could really talked to him about central IT. Or, rather, presumably she tried several times and it's clearly not happening so you need something to shake the status quo.

BUT ALL OF THIS TO SAY, I'm fascinated by Alice "Oh we're all a big family here" Dyer, by Alice "Just Do the Job and Do Not Care About the Cases" Dyer, about Alice "Yes yes I was born here and i'll die here" Dyer, about Alice "Oh It's Not So Bad Here" Dyer. She makes a big show of being unbothered by everything that happens, breezing through and just doing the 'bare minimum' to get paid at the end of the night, but I'm getting the feeling she's actually extremely attached to this job, the same way Gwen is, and even the people here too.

#my next post is about gwen and alice because oh my gOD #but anyway can you believe we're only three episodes in and we can do all those speculations about the characters???? Like Holy Shit #Protocol was Specifically Made for Me who Always Yearned for More TMA Interactions--#the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers

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moni-logues · 10 months

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Kintsugi 5

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

Genre: strangers-to-friends-to-lovers, non-idol!au, angst, smut, tiny bit of eventual fluff

Summary: In a fit of spiteful, post-break-up self-improvement, you sign up to a baking class. Yoongi, in a bid to appease his demanding girlfriend, signs up, too. Determined to make him your friend, you end up with more than you ever imagined.

Word count: 7.2k

Content: depression, self-harm (cutting)

A/N: first and foremost, please read the warnings; there's literally only two and one is a pretty significant one so plleeeeasssseeee take heed!!!!!! And let me know if there's anything else I should be tagging for it. Feels too flip for me to ramble in my usual way here given the content of this chapter, so just to say be safe, and I hope you like it! Thank you to my betas @amethystwritesbts @quarter-life-crisis2 @here2bbtstrash

Chapter Four | Masterlist | Chapter Six

Chapter Five - The other shoe

The sun was shining and birds were singing and you wished you were a character in a musical so you could burst into (tuneless) song and run across a field in a circle skirt. You hadn’t felt this good for a long, long time.

“Looks like someone’s in a good mood,” was Taehyung’s greeting to you as you plopped down in your chair next to him. “You get laid or something?”

You had, in fact, got laid last night. It had been even more anxiety-inducing than you had thought it would be, particularly given that Sungbin was a verified Greek god of a man and, well, your body had been through a little since the last time you were fully naked in front of someone new. You had put your body through a lot. The body keeps the score and it also shows the scars. You did not tend to keep them on display and you had hesitated and become awkward and flustered when you remembered them, when you realised he was going to see them, going to see what you had done to yourself.

He didn’t mention them. He didn’t make it weird. He didn’t avoid them nor did he bring extra attention to them. He acted as if they weren’t there at all. Then he made you come until you were seeing stars.

“That good, huh?”

It had been that good. Or maybe it had just been a long time. Either way.

“I think I’m going to fall in love with him, for real,” you said, all dreamy and moon-eyed, staring at your computer screen and seeing nothing but love hearts.

“Girly...” Taehyung’s voice had a slight warning note but you let it wash over you.

“I know, I know, but seriously. I feel happy, Teddy. Legitimately happy. I feel like I can see a future unfolding, a future I might actually want to live in.”

“With Sungbin?”

You shrugged.

“Sure, why not?”

He didn’t answer, not really. You could feel his reluctance; you could almost hear all the questions he wanted to ask. You let him think them. You weren’t going to let anyone burst this bubble.

“What are we doing this weekend, chick?”

You looked up from your desk and took the coffee cup in Taehyung’s outstretched hand. He sat down next to you.

“What do you mean ‘what are we doing this weekend’?”

“What do you mean ‘what do you mean “what are we doing this weekend”’?”

“What do you mean-”

“No, I’m serious. We always do something, but I haven’t seen you for weeks now.”

“Teddy, we are together every day. You’re seeing me right now!”

“That’s not the same and you know it! You’re reserving all your time for Sungbin these days.”

“That’s not true.”

Not entirely. He wasn’t being fair. It was true that you had seen Taehyung a little less over the past month or so but it wasn’t like you hadn’t seen him at all. You had someone else in your life now; you would’ve thought Taehyung would have been a little relieved to get some time back, to be honest.

“Well, what about you?” you asked. “You’re spending all your time with the barista.”

“Hyunjin. And I’m really not. I still have plenty of time for my other friends. For you.”

“Are you suggesting that I’m not making time for you?”

He shrugged.

“I know you’re really into Sungbin right now and things are going well and that’s great. I’m genuinely fucking stoked for you and I hope that it’s everything you want it to be, but I feel a little tossed aside, yeah. Especially because I’m the one who’ll have to pick up any pieces if it goes south.”

That hurt. Coming from Taehyung, that really hurt.

“Why do you think it’ll go south?”

“I’m not saying that it will but you’re honeymooning hard right now and it kind of feels like you’re putting a lot of eggs into one basket. You’re ditching me to spend all your time with a guy you’ve know-”

“I’m not ditching you!”

“I’m just saying you’re letting yourself be taken over by this. You haven’t seen me outside of work for ages. I know you didn’t go to therapy last wee-”

“How do you know that?”

“I know when your appointments are and you were posting on Instagram with a cocktail in your hand at the time.”

“What makes you think I didn’t rearrange the session?”

“Did you?”

No, you didn’t. You skipped that one. Just one. That would hardly hurt. And you were feeling so happy right now, the need for therapy had receded a little, dipping past the horizon, not entirely out of sight, but almost out of mind.

“That is exactly what I’m saying-”

“No, what exactly are you saying? Is this about wanting to see me more or is it about telling me that me and Sungbin are going to crash and burn?”

You could feel tears burn in your eyes and you desperately wanted not to cry. You always cried. All the time. It was exhausting and embarrassing and you were at work, right now – you didn’t have time for this.

Taehyung’s eyes softened and this made your tears well even more.

“I’m saying that I miss you and I’m worried. You are acting like he’s fixed you, like the only problem in your life was that you were single and now you’re not so everything must be perfect. But that’s not how things work and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m not stupid,” you spat, your voice thick with unshed tears. “I don’t think he’s fixed me. I think he likes me. And I like him. And we are together-”

“Are you?”

“What?”

“Have you had that conversation? Are you together?”

“Well-… What about you and Hyunjin? Have you had that conversation?”

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “We’re keeping it casual for now.”

You didn’t like the sound of that. You hadn’t talked to Sungbin about it because you didn’t think you had to. You thought you were on the same page. Isn’t that what dating was? You dated and then, if you kept dating, you were in a relationship. It was automatic, by default. Why would you date someone if you didn’t want to keep doing it? If you didn’t imagine a relationship with the person, what was the point?

You managed to blink your tears away but an uneasiness had settled in your stomach. What if you’d got it all wrong? Did Sungbin want to keep it casual? You didn’t. It was already too late for that. You were a goner.

Maybe Taehyung was right.

Was he?

You sniffed.

“Well maybe Sungbin and I aren’t.”

“Does he know that?”

Fresh tears. Anxiety. Your old friend insecurity crawling up your throat again. You should have known that this was coming, that there was a line you needed to acknowledge and either cross together or not at all. It hadn’t been like this with San because you had known each other so well before you got together, it really had been a foregone conclusion. This time, though... And there was so much Sungbin didn’t know about you, so much you knew you would have to share at some point and didn’t want to. The thought of revealing your ugliest self to him – to him, a flawless specimen of a man, inside and out, his parents’ pride, and the person you thought most about – was nauseating.

You stood and walked off to the printers, pausing there only long enough for you to realise there was nothing you could pretend to print. Then you carried on to the kitchen, making yourself another coffee, even as the one Taehyung brought you was sitting, steaming, on your desk.

“I’ve been thinking,” you began, sitting across from Sungbin at an outside table, running your finger up the wet glass of your iced latte. “What are you doing for Halloween?”

He looked a little taken aback.

“Halloween? In October?”

“Yeah!”

You held your palm tight against your glass, the discomfort of the cold playing distraction. You were trying to be casual about this. It was normal. Of course you’d make plans. Why wouldn’t you? You fought off the voice in the back of your head saying that you wouldn’t if you were just ‘keeping things casual’. That was why you had to ask.

“I... have no idea yet. It’s only August.”

“That is true, but I’ve been thinking. Teddy always has this massive party for Halloween and does costumes and everything and I would like, this year, to outdo him.”

The party thing was true. Taehyung did throw one every year. And he did always have a good costume... You also always had a good costume, because he planned and bought it for you, but Sungbin didn’t need to know that part.

“Wow, if he’s planning it this early, it must be big.”

“Oh, no, he’s not yet, but I want to get a head start. Like I said, this year I think we can beat him at his costume game.”

“We?”

“Yeah, there are so many good couple costumes out there; it’ll make more of an impact if we do it together, right? Two is more than one etc.”

“Right, yeah, uh... Sure.”

“We don’t have to decide right now, but get your thinking cap on. I am going to destroy Teddy this year and you’re going to do it with me!”

He chuckled a little and you thought this was good. Halloween was, as he suggested, months away, but he hadn’t said no. That counted for something. You ploughed on.

“Also, what do you think to a double date?”

“Oh. Um, who with?”

“Teddy and Hyunjin. They actually got together the night we met! Might be fun. Also, to be honest, I really want Teddy to meet you. It’s been long enough, haha; you need his seal of approval!”

“A test?”

“Yep. He’s my bestie so he has to approve.”

“Right. Yeah... Ok. You and he are really close, then?”

“Yep. And, besides, it gets to a point where someone’s seen you have enough breakdowns that you have to keep them close: he knows too much!”

There was a pause and you could see Sungbin considering his words. You fought the urge to move it on, to brush over it, to drop a hundred words a second to blow past it. But you also just had to... check, to let him know, to try to drip-feed him the information you, truthfully, didn’t want him to have but knew that he had to have, if this was ever going to be serious. It made you anxious, slowly revealing your brokenness to him, pushing him closer and closer to the threshold at which he might say ‘stop, that’s enough; I don’t want you anymore’. He hadn’t yet, but you’d barely begun.

“Breakdowns, huh?”

“Yep. Although, actually, while it was Teddy who held me together after the break-up, it was my ex who really did the heavy lifting before that.”

Sungbin nodded thoughtfully and you didn’t know if you imagined his eyes flicking down to your thighs or not. Probably imagined. But it wasn’t like the two didn’t go hand in hand.

“Sounds rough.”

“It was. Both times, haha.”

He nodded again.

That was enough, you thought. That had to be enough disclosure for now. You could feel it pressing on you, like the oppressive summer humidity; you felt stifled by your exposure, almost a little giddy with the force of your discomfort. If this is what it was like, revealing your darkness to someone, you crossed all your fingers, hoped, and prayed that this thing with Sungbin would last so that you would never have to do it again.

You went home with him that night and there was a background buzz of something in your head, this kind of vertigo-swirling of standing too close to the edge of a cliff, an unsteadiness of foot that Sungbin was able to kiss away but which came back two-fold when you were lying naked in his bed. You tried to look at yourself, discreetly, objectively; what did you look like to him? Was he looking at you differently now, tonight, armed with new knowledge? What did he really know? What had he taken from the things you had said? You didn’t want to ask him, didn’t want to talk about it more, didn’t want to have to explain and elucidate and make explicit things that you hoped he would infer.

He didn’t seem different, then, didn’t turn off the light or kiss you goodnight any differently from the way he had before. Maybe it was fine. Maybe your brokenness wasn’t fatal. Or so you could dream.

“Last day, baby!” you cried when Yoongi put his bag on the counter at your very last baking session.

“So it is,” he replied, cool as ever.

You shoved him.

“Be excited! We made it! We’re bakers!”

He rolled his eyes and grinned.

“A rather generous term for yourself, isn’t it?”

You shoved him again.

“How dare you? Do I need to remind you of last week’s triumph? Or should I say my triumph and your tragedy?”

You weren’t being entirely fair. Yoongi’s buns had failed because he had taken on the risk of your illicit ingredient, allowing you to follow the recipe correctly. It was gallant, really. He even said that his buns were alright, not that bad, kind of ok which you knew without having to try them was untrue.

“Should I remind you who is responsible for my tragedy?”

“No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You grinned at each other and started unpacking your bags. It felt easy between the two of you now. Long gone was your anxiety that used to accompany Thursday evenings, that gnawing embarrassment and glowing shame that you used to feel in Yoongi’s proximity, sure that you were the worst person in the world and that he wanted to get away from you, desperate as you were for his friendship and approbation. You didn’t have to be desperate anymore, because you had it. You were friends. In the spirit of said friendship, you had agreed to celebrate your last baking class tomorrow, so you could get as drunk as you liked without having to suffer the consequences in the office.

“Generous term,” you scoffed, looking at your layered cake at the end of the session, assembled and decorated and still standing. “How very dare you. Look at what I’ve made! I’m a genius!”

Yoongi laughed quietly and swiped a finger through the buttercream frosting on top before you could swat his hand away. He put it to his mouth.

“Yeah, it’s not bad.”

“Not bad!”

You swiped a finger through the frosting on top of his cake.

“Yours tastes like shit.”

“Well, now you’re just being mean and I won’t let you have a slice.”

“Fine.” You turned your back on him to put some things in your bag and then turned back. “I didn’t want to eat your shit cake, anyway!”

“You had better be careful or I’ll bring this as dessert for tomorrow.”

You gasped.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Yoongi turned to face you head-on, a smirk on his lips, mischief in his eyes.

“Wouldn’t I?”

You mirrored his expression and crossed your arms.

“I won’t let you in my apartment.”

“Not even for the booze?”

You faltered. You didn’t buy the expensive shit that he did. You still fully believed that expensive alcohol didn’t give you such bad hangovers. You didn’t want to lose this spat, didn’t want to come out of the bit, but also didn’t want to say no to booze.

“You can leave the booze on my doorstep and go.”

Yoongi broke first and laughed loud, tipping his head back.

“You’re spoilt,” he said.

You sniffed haughtily.

“I deserve nice things.”

Then he gave you that smile that he did sometimes, warm and soft, that made you feel like a broken open caramel truffle, oozing and sweet and sticky, like the two of you were stuck together, sugary fingerprints on your skin and a brown sugar taste on your lips. It was like a secret smile, for special occasions; you wondered who else got to see it.

“Yeah, you do,” he agreed. “Which is why I’m bringing this cake to dinner tomorrow!”

You groaned and pretended to fall, dead, to the floor. Yoongi laughed again.

“I mean it.” He packed the last of his things in his bag. “I’m going to bring this and you’re going to eat it and like it.”

“Over my dead body.”

“If I recall correctly, I do, in fact, owe you a murder, so that can certainly be arranged.”

You both laughed this time and you could think of much worse ways to go, much worse last things to see before you died. Yoongi picked up his stuff and his cake and turned to leave.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“With bells on!” you called after him.

You had taken the Friday afternoon off, just to make sure you had enough time to shop and prepare and, gulp, cook dinner for Yoongi who you were expecting that evening. It was a celebration of your finishing the class but it was also a sign of intention, a new set-up for this kindling friendship that didn’t have anywhere else to meet. You’d take turns: one of you would cook and one would bring dessert and you’d alternate fortnightly. You weren’t sure whether you’d got the short straw to be tasked with dinner first or if you’d rather it were this way. You got the feeling Yoongi was a good cook and you didn’t want to have to follow that, but it felt like a lot of pressure being the first to host. You felt a little embarrassed of your shoebox apartment and cheap things and you knew Yoongi would never care—you knew he would understand completely—but it made you feel a little small, that this was all you had to offer.

Never mind, you said to yourself. He didn’t care and neither would you. It wasn't about the venue; it wasn’t even really about the food. It was about the company. It was about making a space and a time for you and Yoongi to hang out. It was about making a commitment to taking your friendship outside of its bounds and cultivating it. That was what mattered and that was all you needed to focus on.

You were scrolling on your phone, looking for recipes when a message from Sungbin came in.

Sungbin: hey I’m wfh today. I'm about to have lunch can you come over?

Obviously, the answer was yes. You did your best to make yourself look presentable in a rush and hot-footed it across the river to him.

“I ordered food, hope that’s ok,” Sungbin said as he gestured to the dining table where two bags of lunch had been placed.

“Sure! I’ll eat whatever.”

It felt a little strained, like the world had twisted itself into an uncomfortable position, but you put it down to the fact that you had never been to his apartment during the day before. He was also working; maybe he hadn’t shrugged off his focus yet. His job was still new and still stressful and this lunch was interrupting it. He was quiet as he sat down and you felt stifled. He ate a forkful and another. Then he put his fork down.

“Thanks for coming all this way. I really wanted to speak to you but work is really hectic so I can’t get away.”

“Yeah, no worries! I have this afternoon off anyway, so it’s no big deal.”

“Oh right. Good. Um.”

You thought to yourself that you were getting good at this: letting silence reign. Maybe it was all the time you’d spent with Yoongi; maybe it was all the time you’d spent in therapy. Maybe it was a sign that you weren’t letting your anxiety run your mouth anymore – even if you really, really wanted it to.

“I thought we should talk,” is how he began.

“About what?” Your guts twisted as you asked.

“I know you were talking the other day about all sorts of plans and things and I just wanted to be clear about... where we are. What we are.”

“Oh, right.” Your voice was airy and thin, even your lungs being squeezed by this cold-creeping fear working through your body.

“I really enjoy spending time with you and I’d like to continue that but, ah, I’m not looking for anything serious. I don’t want... a relationship, y’know? I just moved here and I’m still finding my feet and getting to know everyone and everything and I don’t want to, uh, settle into anything? And I get the feeling that... you do. I didn’t want, um, wires to be crossed or uh, I didn’t want things to get complicated or- I just thought we should talk before it went on any longer. I wanted to just make myself clear. I would like to keep seeing you but I think you want... more than I do. If I’m wrong, just tell me, sorry if I’ve assumed but I, uh, just, get the feeling...”

“Right.”

Your eyes were already blurry with tears. Here it was. The other shoe dropping. Taehyung was right. Sungbin didn’t want you. Not really. He knew who you were and he didn��t want you. You tried to tiptoe into it; you tried to slowly heat the water in the pan but you’d overcooked it. The frog was jumping out. You wanted more. Too much. More than he wanted. He didn’t want you. He didn’t want you that much. He didn’t want your broken parts. He didn’t want your ugliness. He saw your scars and he heard of your breakdowns and he knew that was ‘more’, too much. He didn’t want to carry you. He would have to carry you if you went on for too much longer. You had to be carried because that’s who you were: you weren’t enough, not even enough to lift yourself up. All your good parts, the shiny parts, the parts you thought you had in you somewhere... It wasn’t enough.

“It’s not-” Sungbin was trying to start again, to explain, to let you down even more gently. “I like you; I think you’re a cool person and we have fun. I just can’t commit to more than that. I don’t want to lead you on or pretend this is going somewhere it’s not. Y’know, I really appreciate you making all these plans and things but that’s just- it's really, well, it’s a bit too much for me right now. Do you know what I mean?”

You nodded and hummed and bit your lip to stop it wobbling. Your face was burning with embarrassment: that you were being dumped, that you were crying about it when this hadn’t even been real to start with. It had never been what you thought it was. It was just fun. You had pictured parties and holidays and walking off into the sunset but that was just you. It had never been that for Sungbin.

He didn’t want you. Like a woodpecker pecking at your skull, it hit you again and again: he didn’t want you. He didn’t want you. You tried to show yourself to him and then he didn’t want you. You took him to your water’s edge and he decided not to swim. You should have seen this coming. You should have heeded Taehyung’s warnings. You should have had this conversation before now.

You could feel yourself spiralling, crumbling, sitting at his table with an uneaten salad bowl in front of you. You couldn’t speak because you didn’t know what to say. ‘Please just love me’? ‘Can’t you change your mind’? ‘What if I were different’? ‘I can change’? Would anything make a difference? You couldn’t be different. Not really. It hit you at that moment: you would always be you. All of these things that you had been doing to try to change, to be better, to grow, to stop being such a mess all of the time. They wouldn’t work. Couldn’t work. Couldn’t change who you were. What you were. You’d always just be... this.

“Yeah, I understand,” you whispered, your voice trapped in your strangled throat. “I have to go.”

You stood and whirled around, heading immediately for the door, shoving your feet in your shoes any which way, as long as they stayed on long enough for you to escape.

“No, wait, hold on!” Sungbin called, following after you. “Don’t just go, please. I want to talk- I don’-”

But you were opening the door and running down the corridor and he was calling, but not running, after you.

You wanted to break down, just fall to the floor in a heap and stay there until the ground ate you up but you had to get out of his building. The lift was stifling, a too small metal box with mirrored walls that showed you your red eyes and running nose and face contorted with the effort of trying not to cry, with the fact that you were crying anyway.

You had never felt so stupid. Humiliated. You wanted to scrape your skin from your body with the shame of it. Of course he didn’t want a relationship with you. A man who already loved you and loved you for years didn’t want a relationship with you anymore; why would Sungbin, with the world at his feet, settle for you?

You were crying on the subway again. You had sworn you wouldn’t do that. Not after the break-up. Not once you’d finally stopped crying over San. You weren’t going to be that person, that’s what you’d said. No one took any notice; no one said anything; everyone averted their eyes, but you could still feel their attention, were still so aware of the way they were not noticing you. You were a weirdo, a pathetic woman crying on the subway in the middle of a Friday afternoon.

When you got off the train, you considered throwing yourself on the tracks. You would never have done it. Too many people around. A traumatised driver. Delayed and cancelled trains. Compounding your worthlessness by ruining other people’s days? You hadn’t sunk that low, not yet.

You traipsed home, your feet feeling lead-heavy, your legs feeling weak and, as soon as the door to your apartment closed behind you, you dropped to the floor. You gasped in huge, choking sobs; you couldn’t see for your tears and could barely breathe. Your chest felt as though it were caving in on you, squeezing the life out of you. You dragged your nails across your skin to try to feel something else, something different, some other kind of pain and then a thought came to you, sharper than it had been for months, clear before where it had been vague. A directive, not just a thought anymore.

There was a reason you didn’t keep razors in the house but your nails certainly weren’t cutting it. Then you remembered the knives Yoongi had bought you, how he had impressed upon you that they were sharp, that they were good quality and barely used so they should still, now, be sharp. You dragged your body to the kitchen counter and ripped open a drawer. You picked one at random – it didn’t matter which – and sat back down. You shuffled to pull off your cycle shorts and there they were, your mosaic thighs, criss-crosses of light, thin lines and thicker scar tissue. You had always taken a weird pride in the neatness of it. You had always cut carefully and deliberately, as though you were creating something other than scars, other than a mess, other than something you had to hide from everyone. You went over them again, re-cutting all the old lines, each sharp slice of pain a relief, grounding, pulling you back from somewhere.

The relief made you feel hysterical, silly even, the strange, old euphoria of hurting yourself, of being in control of that hurt rushing through you and making you dizzy. It was like coming home. Your breathing came more smoothly and your heart slowed and your tears began to dry and you couldn’t stop, not yet. You had to see how far you could go. A little more. You needed just a little more. You had plenty of real estate; you could make more. You could expand the design, your bloody, little, monochromatic Mondrian.

You felt empty when you stopped. Drained. Exhausted. Sick to your stomach. You let yourself fall sideways, lying on your dirty kitchen floor. You had nothing left in you. You lay there, unmoving, letting your brain tell you whatever it wanted. You didn’t care anymore. About anything. You had nothing. You had nothing to give and no one to give it to anyway. If you blipped out of existence, well, that would be the best-case scenario. Like Buffy’s key in reverse. Blink, and you had never existed at all. That would have been nice.

It would still be nice. If you could just disappear off the face of the earth. You couldn’t bear to look towards the future – a future you didn’t want, that you knew wouldn’t be better than this. The thought of it made your soul shrivel, made you dig your nails into your reddened thighs, made you cringe and wince. When would it be over? Why couldn’t it be now?

You distantly heard your intercom ring but it felt as if it were coming from another world. You were gone. You were out of this world. No one missed you. Your apartment was a glitch, a tiny black hole where no one could go and no one wanted to go. It rang for what could have been a short time or a long time—you'd lost all sense of it. Then you heard knocking at your door.

Then more knocking.

Then something akin to thumping.

“Hey,” Yoongi’s voice rang cleanly through the wood and metal. “Are you in?”

Your phone started buzzing noisily on your side of the door, rattling against the floor bar in the entryway. Then there was silence for a while. You assumed he had gone away.

Your door beeped and swung open and there were footsteps, the quiet flomp of shoes hitting the floor, the rustle of a carrier bag. You remembered you had given him your codes in the interest of fairness -- you did have his, after all. You felt so detached from everything that you didn’t know how you felt about that. Yoongi quietly called out for you. You didn’t respond. Didn’t even feel like you could.

Your apartment was small enough that he could survey the entire space in a few small steps, so he would barely have to enter before he would see you. You knew the moment he did; you felt the way the air was sucked out of the room for a second. You felt him freeze, could hear the seconds tick by on the clock on the wall. Then he came into your line of sight, kneeling in front of you, saying your name.

“Fuck, don’t be dead,” he whispered.

He held his hand underneath your nose and felt you breathing. You felt the weight of the sigh that left him.

“Shit, fuck.”

He bent over, turning his head to try to catch your eyes; you could see him but you weren’t looking at him. You weren’t looking at anything. He was a blurry approximation of a man in front of you. He called your name for a third time.

“You, uh, are you alright? ... fuck, fucking stupid. No, obviously not. Fuck. Ok. Uh. I-. Can I... What can I do?”

You couldn’t give him an answer. It was as if all speech and movement had been taken from you. You really had nothing left. You couldn’t give him anything. You felt like a husk and that was all you wanted to be.

“Shit, what should I do? I.. I do-. Well. Ok. Can you sit up?”

You couldn’t even shake your head. You were aware of him continuing to mutter to himself. He stood up and disappeared for a minute or two; you heard the open and shut of cupboards, the rifling through of your jars and bottles and boxes. He returned with a light load.

“I have to-” he started. “I’m going to. You.. I have to- I'm going to touch you, ok? I have to lift you up?”

He hesitated as he came closer but was firm when he gripped your arms and lifted your body off the floor, pulled you sitting upright. You tipped your head back against the cupboard and a deep sigh pushed air from your lungs.

“I still have to- this might hurt. You don’t have much stuff. I, uh, yeah, ok. I have to clean this.”

You closed your eyes when he pressed a soaked cotton pad to your thigh. The burning sting of antiseptic made you feel a little bit alive but it was so short-lived.

He was muttering again.

“Fucking hell. I can’t. You don’t have anything useful. How am I-. What... This is... Fuck, this is going to need stitches. Is it?”

You’d almost never heard him talk so much, not like this, not to himself, not with all these half-finished, curtailed sentences, this stopping and starting. Yoongi was straight-forward, even when he was feeling chatty. This Yoongi was going around in circles.

When your eyes finally focused on him, he looked pale, paler than usual. A little grey possibly. His mouth was pulled in a taut, grim line when he wasn’t mumbling himself through the task.

“Still fucking bleeding? Shit, did I make it bleed again? I can’t- I...”

He sat back a little and looked at you; his eyes were sharp and focused and you couldn’t look at them. Yoongi took your chin in his hand, less gently than you might have expected, and he held you there until you looked at him.

“How can you not have a fucking first-aid kit? What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?” The anger in his voice registered only dimly. “There’s a pharmacy on the corner and I’m going to go there.” He paused and his eyes were steely and his jaw tight as he worked his brain around how to say what he needed to. “I’m going to go and I’m going to come back and if I get back here and you’re dead, I am going to kill you, ok? I know I promised to kill you but I was fucking joking and you’re not allowed to be dead. Is that clear?”

His face softened as he waited for an answer. You managed to nod your head. He held you a few more seconds before he stood and walked out.

It could have been only seconds or it could have been hours until he returned—you neither knew nor cared—but he did return and he dropped a plastic bag on the floor beside you. He tipped it upside down and dumped its contents. He wasn’t looking at you now, not at your face, just at your legs, as he cleaned and tended and muttered to himself some more. He unwrapped bandages and folded over gauze and you let him lift your legs and place them back down. You let him do whatever he needed to, wanted to. It didn’t matter.

When he was finished, he sat back and sighed. He ran a hand through his hair and you saw his eyes alight on something to your left. You couldn’t read the expression that came over his face. Something like horror, something like disgust, something like despair. He leaned forward onto his hands and grabbed the offending object; he threw it into the sink with a metallic clatter.

He sat opposite you for some time. You didn’t say anything. Neither did he. You felt hollow. You could hear it, the wind howling through your empty spaces. You felt like you were all empty space. Just an echo of nothingness trapped in skin. Every part of you hurt, as if the pain were radiating out from your heart, filling the void inside you with a sharp, persistent ache. You couldn’t talk. You couldn’t bring yourself to do it, to have to hear yourself, hear your existence continuing in the world. It hurt. As long as you were silent, you could fade away, you told yourself. Just disappear. Yoongi would go and you would be alone and you could just disappear.

“Do you want to eat?” he asked. “You should eat.”

The thought evidently set him on a path because he stood and opened your fridge, opened your cupboards, looking for food. He stepped over you and then stopped, foot in mid-air. He turned back to you.

“If I’m going to cook, you’re in the way. Can you move?”

You blinked. You sighed. You looked down. Then you felt his arms wrap around you as he pulled you to your feet. It was an awkward drag and shuffle to the sofa, your feet tripping over themselves, Yoongi lifting but not really carrying you.

“Fuck, sorry,” he said on a heavy exhale as you dropped like a stone onto the sofa. “I’m going to cook now.”

He held a bowl out in front of you and, when you didn’t take it, he picked up your hands and placed them against the ceramic, lowering it all into your lap. Then he sat next to you.

“Eat.”

You looked at the food, steaming hot; it smelt nice. You wondered what on earth it was and how he could have found the right ingredients in your house. You were still not exactly domesticated, despite your efforts. Yoongi kicked your foot.

“I mean it. Eat.”

You sighed and continued staring into the bowl. Eating would mean conceding to living, to staying alive. You felt defeated but you also wanted to avoid this defeat. Everything about you felt wrong. Hideous. Like things were crawling beneath your skin. You didn’t want to continue that existence. You didn’t want to feed it.

Yoongi took the bowl from your hands and placed it on your coffee table.

“Fine,” he said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Absolutely not. You shook your head.

“What do you want to do? I don’t know what to do. What can I do?”

You, again, fell sideways, lying on the sofa with your legs still dangling down. It wasn’t entirely comfortable but that hardly mattered. You couldn’t answer; you didn’t know.

Then Yoongi did something that you wouldn’t in a thousand years have expected him to. Just as you had, in his apartment, weeks ago, he crawled behind you and wrapped his arms around you. You stiffened, convinced for a second you might split and shatter. He was warm and soft and you could smell his hair and his breath tickled your neck and it hurt so much. It all hurt so much.

You breathed in deep and when you exhaled, you choked, crying again. You didn’t know you had more in you. You had thought you were dry, but just as there was no end to your sadness, there apparently was no end to your tears.

You lay there, letting him hold you as you cried, letting the sun lower in the sky, letting the stars come out.

“I’m fucking sick of it,” you gasped. “Sick of it, sick of it, sick of it.”

“Sick of what?”

“Everything. I hate it. I hate everything. I hate it. I hate being alive. I hate being me. I can’t stand it. I don’t know how people do it. I just want it to stop. I just want it to stop.”

“Life?”

“Yeah.”

“I get it. I don’t want you to stop being you, though. For what it’s worth.”

You couldn’t hear that kind of thing. Not now. You couldn’t take it.

“You just don’t know me,” you whispered, your voice hoarse from crying and thick from new tears.

“Tell me, then.”

“I fucking suck.”

“How?”

“Literally everything I am. Fundamentally flawed. I’m broken and stupid and I can’t be normal and no one can ever love me because I’m this. I’m just this all the time and I can’t get better and I thought that I could but it’s just me and my fucking broken head and I ruin everything. I ruin everything for everyone and always will and no one can stand me. No one can and I don’t fucking blame them. I can’t stand me either. It makes me sick to be such a useless heap of junk. I’m a worthless waste of space because what is the point of me? What do I do? I need people, I cling to people, I make myself their problem until they can’t take it anymore. I’m depressed and stupid and I will never achieve anything and never do anything and I might as well just die right now because who cares? Literally who cares. I tried and I fucking tried but I’m still me and I can’t run from it or change it and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be here. I don’t know what to do anymore. There is nothing for me. The future is black and it’s bleak because I’ll be there. I’m always there. I can’t get away from myself. I can’t bear it. I have to live like this? For years? More and more years? Twenty? Or thirty? Forty years of this? It makes me sick to think about. I can’t think about it. I can’t think about having to be alive like this for another day let alone any longer. I hate it. I hate being me and I hate being alive and I just wish I wasn’t. I wish I could just disappear. I’m a broken, useless, fucked in the head piece of shit and no one will ever love me because they can’t. I’m unlovable. I’m this and it makes me unlovable but I can’t change it so I will always be unlovable and I can’t do it. I can’t live like that. I can’t do it anymore.”

You took a deep, shuddering breath and Yoongi said nothing. He was quiet for long enough for your shame to creep back in, curling its fingers around the door frame and pulling itself in, unbidden and unwanted. You were embarrassed now, again. You felt stupid. Again. You felt pointless and petty and pathetic and you were about to shrug Yoongi off, to tell him to leave, to crawl into your bed and hide under the sheets when his arms tightened around you. You heard as well as felt him take a deep breath.

“Yeah, I understand.”

There was a pregnant pause and Yoongi cleared his throat.

“But I don’t think any of those things about you. For what it’s worth.”

Chapter Four | Masterlist | Chapter Six

#yoongi x reader #bts x reader #yoongi fic #bts fic #yoongi angst #bts angst #tw self harm #tw cutting

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the-s1lly-corner · 7 months

Text

Eyeless Jack cuddling + sleep hcs !

short little break in between TADC stuff since i kinda miss writing for creepypasta, and i miss EJ... lil guy.. also side note, carrots irritate my throat real bad and i kind of. got forced to eat something with carrot so im in hell rn im so so mad, i can even like. go make tea w/ honey in it like people keep telling me to do because honey ALSO fucks me up.. hot cocoa my beloved i am PRAYING that you save me from this torment, even for just a moment *crumples onto the floor into a pathetic dried up heap)

okay so obviously, like the other eyeless jack (well all the other creepypasta stuff) i write this is leaning very heavy on my take on him as well as how i personally draw and perceive him in my head

for one hes short but hes thick, so cuddling him is like cuddling a large teddy bear!

i actually had to look through my old posts to remember if i hc him to be hot or cold; and hes cold! freezing cold, actually.. good for the summers but not so much now that its the colder months... unfortunately, thats just an aspect of the thing that made him... well, eyeless jack... he doesnt really, warm up.. i think the coldness actually gets worse overtime since in my au hes becoming less and less human, so overtime cuddling actually gets more uncomfortable :(

moving on from some more... sad ideas, i think hes soft. like hes built, he has muscle, but i think a fair amount of that is just plush chub (i am an advocator for beefcake ej!!!)

it takes a while for him to get into the swing of wanting to actually... be physically close to you and have you be vulnerable with him since internally he does have fears that the bits of him that make him crave human meat may rear its head in...

but he does eventually warm up to you after some time..! it just takes a lot of reassurance and trust building, as well as developing a system should there ever be a... situation..

i dont think he sleeps, either, demon stuff you know? like i think at first he could sleep if he wanted but overtime loses the ability to sleep altogether... but hey look at this way, he wants to watch over you for the night until sunrise. he wants to make sure youre safe during your more vulnerable moments

and i think thats really sweet, actually

i need to write more ej stuff... i miss this guy so much, i miss my hcs... i think i might write angst for him soon.. i feel evil

#creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #eyeless jack x reader #eyeless jack x you #eyeless jack imagine

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slocumjoe · 1 year

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how would fo4 crushing companions react to an unintentionally touchy sole? for example they hold their hand without thinking when leading them somewhere, lean slightly against them while waiting, etc

(also if you dont mind could you write the one for x6 post railroad ending instead of sole being director?)

ohohohoho yesssssss

I love prompts like these because I get to inflict suffering

Companions (most of which are touch-starved) react to a touchy-touchy Sole

Cait; At first, totally thinks Sole is just fucking with her, like...teasing. So even if she's initially startled everytime, quickly recovers. Might respond with her own, rougher touches. Sole gently puts their hand on her shoulder, she gently punches theirs. She's conflicted on it, though. Obviously, being touched is a bad thing in Cait's book...but Sole is a good thing. So...what's she supposed to think, here? She does find their sudden clingliness cute. Teases them for it.

It's not until she processes that Sole is touching her that shit hits the fan.

Okay, shit, Sole is touching her. Holding her hands, pressing up against her. Okay. Fuck. What does that mean? Is it flirting? Shit way to flirt, if they want to get going in the sheets, they should just say it. After This Moment, any touch is going to be like a flashbang to her. Might start leaning away. She's confused now, she isn't sure what this is or what she wants from it.

Curie; Crushing or not, really likes the touchy-touchy! It's new sensations for her synth body, and Curie is touchy with everyone. Getting to be touchy-touchy with her favorite person? Wonderful! She lavishes in the affection and probably returns it tenfold. If Sole brushes hands together, she'll grab theirs and hold it tight. Curie isn't a shy person. Her stomach might be filled with butterflies, and her heart does some weird stuff, and she loses all control of her facial expression, but Curie is Curie. She lacks the mental illness nerf everyone else has. There will be a moment where she questions the intentions, and she'll be sad at the thought of Sole not meaning anything by it, but Curie is nothing if not optimistic.

Danse; If you listen carefully, you can hear the Windows shutdown noise. Danse all but lives in a giant metal husk. Even if he didn't, people don't touch him anyway. So. Sole? Touching him? He bricks. Hard system reset, absolute crash. Shit is frying up there in that thick skull.

The second time it happens, the Reaction is worse. Third time, Worse. This multiplies until Danse starts getting used to it. Does that mean things go well for him? No! This is Danse, here! He convinces himself they don't mean anything by it. Even if they did, which they don't, nothing could happen. He's either their C.O, or a synth. And besides, they deserve better anyway. Danse doesn't think highly of himself, and he never has.

No matter what happens, he lets Sole do whatever they please. Danse is a teddy bear thats never gotten to fulfill his function as a teddy bear. He'll be dammed if he ever admits it, but good God, does Danse need it. It's a rush of euphoria. This man has been kept in Power Armor for years. And it's Sole. If they went octopus on him and didn't let go, a part of him would be screaming, yes, but everything else would be melting, too relieved to protest.

Deacon; Fully leans into it. Thinks their touchy-touchy is funny, even if he's freaking out. Will walk while dramatically swinging their hands around. You know couples at amusement parks? Or, really, couples in any public setting? He does that. And thing is, Deacon is not a touchy-touchy person. He'd rather not, actually. But Sole likes it, and the dirty looks they get from people when Deacon is condemning Sole to the Couple Shuffle (iykyk) is too good to pass up.

Internally worried, obviously. Again, mental illness nerf. He would like touching Sole in a more...personal way. Not sex, just...it's the intention. Holding hands is one thing. Holding hands with a friend is another. Holding hands with a partner is a whole other beast. But Deacon isn't sure he'd actually want to pursue anything. Ideally, he'd stop this, keep his distance. But also ideally, he'd knock his own shit off and just be upfront...he's not too keen on either idea. Hey, what if we give each other piggyback rides?

Gage; Also goes Nope, but his nope goes in several directions, compared to the other Nope's. Gage doesn't trust like that, for one. It's different with Sole, yeah, but whenever Gage is presented with something new, he throws all the caution he has at it. He trusts Sole. He thinks them his better half, his partner in crime. But...this is weird. Objectively. Touching a guy like Gage is a weird thing to do. Once he picks up that they don't notice they're doing it, calms down. Then panics for a completely different reason.

Why the fuck is the Overboss touching him?

Gage starts doing the math. Okay, maybe they're just touchy when comfortable. That doesn't mean anything. It's definitely weird. But why are they touching him? Gage isn't the most cuddly person. That's what the fucking rusty spike armor is for. Sole doesn't care. Sole presses into him, brushes their fingers against him, puts their bedroll next to his. Are they...like...anxious, or some shit? Is this a Symptom? Should he be worried? Where Danse has Windows shutdown, Gage has a few notes of the Jaws theme.

At no point in this process does he allow himself to think about how it makes him feel, because Gage has better shit to do (no he doesnt), he doesn't feel anything for them (yes he does), and even if he did (he does), Sole doesn't mean anything by it (Sole has been flirting with him for weeks).

Hancock; Honestly, Hancock started touching first. He's a physical guy. So, Sole also being touchy-touchy doesn't phase him. He's certainly happy to see that they feel comfortable with him, and want him close, but for once, Hancock doesn't suffer the mental illness nerf.

YET. Because whoops, once he examines why Sole might be touching him, we're off to the fucking races!

When people touch Hancock, they're usually hinting at something. Sole either is, or isn't doing that. If they are, Hancock has to consider if he goes down that path. Do they hook up? Hancock would prefer more than that. What if Sole does too? Okay, does he even deserve Sole? Back up, now. Say Sole isn't trying to get in his pants. He still wants them. They're dangling right in front of him, and he can't have them. Youch. Does he stop touching them, ask them to stop touching him? Should he take what he can get?

Ah, hell.

MacCready; Much like Hancock, probably started touching first. But, MacCready's touchy-touchy is more like Cait's. Playful, teasing, that thing. Shoulder-punching, flipping their hat, maybe even tickling if he and Sole are really close. MacCready has issues, but not the kind that, like, Danse and Hancock share.

Oh man, Danse and Hancock would hate to hear that. I should really write that comparison essay.

Despite this, once Sole starts touching him just to touch, the play-fighting stops. He likes them, and they're giving some signals that they like him. So, he might start returning the little touches. Not intentionally, either. Reach over and wipe dirt off their face, slip ammo into their pockets, gently bump them to get their attention. The only companion who doesn't read into it. He doesn't really notice it at all. It just starts happening, and later down the line, after he and Sole get together, does he think about how natural and normal it is to touch them and be touched.

Nick; I don't think Nick has a ton of sensations. At least, not in his body's current state, old and torn up. He'll notice Sole touching him, but he can't really feel it. You'd think that would lessen the agony.

Nick wants nothing more than to not be in this body, but he's kind of stuck. And Sole keeps touching him, in this body that he can't feel them in. It's like big glass wall between them. He can feel them touching the glass, but not their hand. Whereas everyone else gets the benefit of contact, Nick only gets reminded of what contact might feel like.

It's like a theater performance, mimicking something from the past. It doesn't help that all of those memories of touch are of Jenny. Thinking of 'your' dead fiance when your current flame is touching you is not a good omen for starting a relationship.

Honestly...I think Nick wouldn't want to be touched. He wouldn't turn them away, tell them to stop, because they're seeking comfort. But he couldn't enjoy it. Not physically, and so not emotionally.

Piper; Piper isn't touch-starved, averse, or deeply insecure like other companions. So, she has a pretty normal reaction. Piper pauses the first time it happens, and has that moment of 'omigosh they touched meeee'. Feels really stupid for it. But she's a young woman in love, damnit, if she has hearts in her eyes for while after, following Sole like a lost puppy, that's her business.

Piper knows that Sole is doing it subconsciously, but she also takes little steps forward herself. So, she might, say, play with their hair absently, or ask to braid it. Or offer to do their makeup, if they wear any. She might fix or adjust their clothes/armor if it needs it. Little touches with the benefit of the doubt. If Sole escalates, she's escalating. Will throw her legs over their lap, tuck herself under their arm, come up behind them and rest her chin on their shoulder.

Piper reads into it only a tiny amount. She almost goes crazy over it, but stops herself, realizes that trying to analyze Sole and their feelings is only going to complicate things. So, she just does her thing, and hopes it goes somewhere nice from there.

Preston; Much like Piper and MacCready, has a pretty normal response. He doesn't notice it at first, takes someone else to point out how touchy Sole is for him to realize. Preston is, again, canonically not a touchy person, but Sole's contact is quick and light, so he's not uncomfortable with it. Might even return it briefly, like patting them on the far shoulder if they lean into him.

Interestingly, Preston is the only companion to really think about his own feelings about it in a healthy way. He makes sure to keep himself objective and rational. Okay, he has feelings for Sole. Sole keeps touching him. He would like for that to be charged, but the only way to know that is to ask. Preston isn't ready to ask that, so he doesn't need to worry about it. He can have his feelings without knowing if they're reciprocated. He can deal with it when he's ready.

Look, Preston has put up with a lot of BS in his life. He's going to avoid making his lovelife just as difficult.

X6-88; Sole touches him for the first time. X6-88 refrains from throwing them across the room, as he is supposed to, typically. Sole does it again. X6 refrains again. This continues for way too long without any developments.

X6 eventually stops himself and goes "I should probably think about that, huh?"

Starts with himself. X6-88 experiences physical and mental sensations around and about Sole. That would aptly be considered "having feelings." Is he in...love? How would he know? Maybe its indigestion. Alright. He may or may not have romantic feelings for Sole. That's not helpful. He cares about them, he knows that. But is that the love those Pre-War musicians never shut up about?

What about Sole and their insistence on physical contact? They're a little colder than he is, coursers run warm. They move differently, too, more stilted, there's hesitancy. Coursers move like water, with no pause or consideration. So, even something like a simple tap is alien to him, because he finds Sole completely alien, in this regard.

He's going to try and ignore it until Sole does something else that throws his head all out of wack. But for now, just...deeply confused. Has so much else to process first.

#fo4 #fallout 4 #paladin danse #preston garvey #piper wright #nick valentine #x6-88 #robert joseph maccready #companions react #hancock #porter gage #teddy danse truthers where r u

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