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#i tend to spiral really easily and if i feel good there's a chance i will immediately feel like shit again
sleep-nurse · 2 months
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am i a bad person if i physically am not able to help people who straight up tell me they want to kill themselves when i'm desperately trying to heal myself and trying to not spiral and even telling them that
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kroosluvr · 12 days
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someone on twt asked for royal trio tennis playing styles so i will think out loud for several paragraphs under the cut:
PLAYSTYLE
GORO AKECHI. the son of masayoshi shido, one of the best players of all time, so he has big shoes to fill. however he didn't learn from shido himself and was instead passed around various intl academies before settling in at shujin tennis academy. as a lefty he uses it to his advantage: his spin serve is killer and he's a menace with backhand slices and drop shots. he's not one to rush the net and only cleans up with volleys if his opponent is basically off the court already. though not PATIENT by any means, he's very very consistent and i think he seeks to wear you down quickly at the beginning of the match: you get the feeling that "oh shit this guy's an absolute wall, i can't counter this, it's hopeless" so that he can rake in the games from there. i think you have to go into a match with REALLY high confidence otherwise he'll break you pretty fast he also does passive aggressive mind games i.e. instead of passing u the ball to serve he hits em to the corner so u have to go fetch them. doing quick water breaks or none at all if he's winning so you're forced to rush. asking "are you sure?" on linecalls where it was DEFINITELY out just to make you second-guess yourself. he doesn't cheat, though, obviously,that's leagues beneath him, but he'll do little things to break your concentration in a match so there's already a high bar to vault over if u even want a CHANCE at beating goro akechi, but if you get on his nerves somehow then you can crack him from there. someone like akira's unpredictability and flippantness on the court without much sense of planning probably gets under his skin really quick
AKIRA KURUSU. wildcard....... he played a lot of sports growing up, baseball, soccer, track, basketball, u name it basically, but picked up tennis at around age 13 and Somehow was extremely good at it, and immediately scouted and currently training at shujin tennis academy. his athletic and naturally competitive nature means he's naturally really attuned to the nature of Competitive Sport: aka, if he's down, no big deal he'll just fight like hell to get back up. one of the things in tennis is that u can spiral real easily: losing a few points can turn into losing a few games then the match, however, that doesn't phase akira which is his biggest strength. he's really good at Wiping The Slate Clean and starting from scratch if he's down. he's really good at swapping strategies: he can be the moonballer, he can be the 25-ball-rallier, he can be the serve-and-volley menace. etc. and he can do this on the fly without any reluctance. the biggest thing apart from goro and sumi is that he's having FUN. he loves being on the court no matter what, the competition part is secondhand. meanwhile goro and sumi are really really wrapped up in their issues with tennis so the kinda Mind emptiness akira has puts him a step ahead (which they're envious of slash HOW DOES HE DO IT? slash working towards it) SO YEAH hes highly adaptable and fluid in his game style. though, ofc, he tends towards Flashier stuff (which can easily surprise his opponents) so i'd say he's a big fan of cross-cross-down-the-line and such patterns. deep rallies then sudden drop shot and while ur scrambling he beats u to the net. stuff like that. second serve on the first serve. etc. another thing is that his parents are pretty absent (different than the way goro is) i.e. they just dgaf about him entirely, no matter what he does, even if hes good at tennis. (while w goro at least shido would acknowledge him since shido is so far in the limelight). so i think this adds to his adaptability - he doesn't feel constrained the same way goro and sumi do, by their family relationships akira's also one to chat up his opponent mid match LMAO he's not even trying to distract them or play them like that but he's just a friendly happy go lucky guy in the end his thinking is "i hate to lose" so he just keeps playing and keeps winning. it's simple like that
SUMIRE YOSHIZAWA. younger sister of kasumi, she started rhythmic gymnastics w her at a baby age but even from a young age she could tell kasumi was going to outshine her. because of her own timidness holding her back, her own reverence of her sister, she could tell she'd never truly have the willpower/confidence/steadfastness to reach out and be Better than kasumi. because what she really wants is to imprint her name on the world - she doesn't want to be yknow. "kasumi and sumire" she wants to stand on her own, something she doesn't feel she can do if she keeps on with gymnastics. SO SHE SWITCHES TRACKS TO TENNIS another independent sort of sport where you're also scrutinized in the limelight and etc. it'd be difficult to learn this late in the game (age 11ish maybe.) but she's steeled herself and shes determined and READY. it was a biiig decision for her but her parents+kasumi were basically like ok <3 yay<3 and she doesnt reveal how insecure she was about all of that and living in kasumi's shadow and etc. she only confides in akira abt this later down the line (and then goro) her game is really like yknow textbook GOOD like all her shots are impeccable and perfect and really technically perfect. super impressive all around. i dont think she has any specific shots/plays that make her stand out, but her game speaks for itself already in how consistent she is and how steadfast she seems on the court (though inside she's lowk nervous) i think her game might be "predictable" just because of how pristine and mechanically she learned it, but the thing is her form and aim is just so flawless that even if you do know whats coming next you cant counter it all the time actually if anything i think she'd have a killer fast first serve. like CRAZY powerful i think she's not naturally "good" at tennis the way akira and goro are so she works 10x as hard to remedy it. more than just the physical/technical component, getting her mental right is the hard and most important part. when she gets deep into a match sometimes her brain gets the better of her, so in longlong matches she oftentimes loses so that's the current thing she's working on.
PUBLICITY
as with pro tennis comes PUBLICITY and BRAND DEALS and INTERVIEWS and MODELING and ETC
goro dgaf about that but if he's more Famous then he'd be more shoved into shido's face so he goes along with sponsorships and interviews and magazine covers even tho he lowkey hates it.
He doesn't do the detective prince thing here bc he doesn't need to be. he's outwardly bitter and pissed off and snappy the way we know him
akira and sumi are his biggest fans tho always collecting his brand deals and magazines and stuff. they also help tutor him in english so he can do interviews better LMAOO though he's really eyeroll about it
akira and sumi both are good with the publicicty aspect as opposed to goro. sumi, striving to become an intl star, expects it and trains herself for it in spite of her social anxieties. akira, well, is akira and is totally made for the limelight
this causes some sort of internal distress? in goro. he can't quite place it but he feels strange standing alongside them..... something like that. like, of course he wants to take the tennis world by storm, but in the way that he can rub it in shidos face. not really this... aspect? he's not sure what to do with this.
OTHER NOTES
sumi and goro are both highly superstitious and have a solid routine that they ALWAYS adhere to. i.e. goro always practices vs the ball machine the night before. sumi always rewatches rio iwasaki's killer 2016 matchpoint before matches. sumi never wears tennis shoes anywhere other than the court. goro never drinks other gatorade colors besides yellow.
meanwhile u could call akira up 3 mins before and be like hey matchtime and he'd be like ok<3 yay<3
sumi and goro also both analyze their opponents before matches i.e. looking up their ranking and stats and extrapolating stuff frm there while akira is like "oh narukami? from uhhhh. gekkoukan? no. yasogami? ohhh haha thats fun i dont think i played him before :3"
to me at least sumi doesn't come off as naturally competitive the way akira and goro are, inherently: i think she wants to be GOOD, and maybe (in this au) she wants to be Better than kasumi, to gain recognition, to stand on her own two feet: etc. but maybe she doesnt have the inherent Means to get there so that's a lot of what she gains from being friends with akira and goro, to get insight into their mindsets
akira and goro are doubles partners (for better or for worse) (it works great some days and horribly the next. you never know) they dont Seriously compete in doubles though, theyre both singles players to the end.
akira and goro switch off being sumi's mixed doubles partners. she doesn't really play doubles at all i think
sumi is the one who watches pro tennis the most. goro and akira don't really keep up
they all go to shujin academy but kinda half-homeschooled bc as pro players they dont have time for full-time school. theyre also traveling a lot so yeah
goro ties his hair in a low ponytail on the court, sometimes pins his bangs back. akira's hair is too short to tie back, i imagine he pins it back or wears a headband a la rafael nadal
sumi wears a visor! and contacts. akira wears contacts too but sometimes he wears glasses when hes silly goofy
mishima is a sports reporter LMAOOO well theyre all highschool age here so he's a Wannabe sports reporter.
it's also common knowledge that goro is shido's son btw. and goro's mom is dead also. i think only akira and sumi know abt like. his hatred and resentment towards his dad tho
ALSO they all idolize rio iwasaki bc i said so. shes prob like the coolest tennis player of the decade and also woah shes from gekkoukan thats cRAZYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! hamuko is her wife too. tennis coach ham:3 or smth
i think akira's story is then catalyzed later down the line by an injury - that he can heal from, but it forces him to seriously look at tennis and say for certain "ok this is my dream and this is something i want to devote my life to" the way sumi and goro are already devoted to
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greatseedling · 2 years
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✿ permanent plotting
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woah, i’ve been here on and off for four years with martel and i’ve apparently never made one of these?? better late than never, i suppose!! as much as i love all the spontaneous dynamics that have emerged over the years, i’d like to consider some longer-lasting and current relationship dynamics for martel. 
as per usual, by liking this post you are expressing permission for me to...
hit you up ooc to talk plotting and things regarding our muses
reach out to you during events and other group activities for plotting
send you a butt-ton of memes on fridays
engage with your minis and opens
slap you starters (with permission ofc ofc)
for transparency, i prefer to interact ooc with other 18+ muns only. thank you!
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below is a non-all-encompassing list of vibes to start. feel free to like this post or comment on it and i’ll reach out to you, or beep me if you want to reach me ooc and talk more about any or all possibilities:
✿ ACQUAINTANCES/FRIENDS this is a pretty easy place to land yourself, martel is a very loving and gentle person who can easily find the good in just about everyone. if your muse breaths... they could probably land themselves in here. while she’s friendly with most, it actually takes quite a bit of trust building for her to open up to the more sensitive bits of her life. her friendships are something she takes very seriously-- she’d bend over backwards for them. catch her stopping by to see your muse often, bringing them food and giving them tons of physical proximity. generally, if u just need a friend, she’s a wonderful one to end up with, and she particularly is good with those lacking self esteem especially.
✿ FOUND FAMILY did u want a mom?? a big sister?? just a mom friend?? she’s got you covered. martel is very maternal, especially with children and teens. she’ll fuss over you, set your bed time, and occasionally baby you. oops. she’s got a softeness for children, having raised her baby bro. if ur a child, you’ve probably already been adopted in her mind. she’s got a very fussy bit to her, she means well, but she might step into well-intentioned patronizing territory.
✿ ENEMIES you have to be a really unredeemable person who is hellbent and back to being terrible to land here firmly, but even if that was the case you’d likely be picking a fight with the other kharlan heros before she’d ever have a chance to response. if you want to be mean to her or have your muse hate her, you’re 100% welcome, but she doesn’t do conflict so... good luck. she’ll still try to win your favor.
✿ ROMANCE oh boy, good luck. while certainly possible, martel has a lot of complicated feelings here. she’s demisexual, and requires a close bond with someone before romance can truly be on the table, but its totally possible. sometimes she can come across as flirtatious, but most the time is unintentional. but if down the road something connects between our muses, let me know! martel has a partner, so i’m no longer open to romantic dynamics 👍
✿ HEALERS although she’s perhaps not in the best shape right this minute, martel’s a very seasoned magical healer and is studying human forms of herbal healing. she makes aromatherapy products and is great at bandaging up your scrapes and cuts. let her nurse your sicknesses. and injuries, she’ll take good care of you. conversely, if your muse knows healing, especially medicine/non-magical methods... teach her!! she’s super interested in learning more.
✿ GARDENERS/ARTISTS martel has been volunteering for years in community gardening and landscaping around spirale. she’s always found planting, moving, and tending to the flowers and bushes around the different sectors. maybe your muse has a green thumb! or maybe your muse is just looking for some fresh air! she’ll teach you about plants n nature...or even help you with your plant babies! or maybe your muse loves music? martel plays the panpipe as a little hobby and loves music and dance... she would love to listen to your muse play music or learn a new instrument. she also is secretly a fabulous still life sketcher. she does really impressive charcoal sketches, and she’d love to do a portrait of your muse!! arts n crafts are always welcome.
✿ WAR SURVIVORS / HALF-ELVES / FELLOW DEAD PEOPLE  hello, let’s bond. there’s a lot of shared experience here with people intimately involved in wars, discrimination, and death. she was born into a longstanding war, and comes from a world that was hostile and cruel to her. she died once, woot woot!!  i think there’s a lot of possibility to find companionship in shared experiences and this might be a good compliment for forging a friendship. lets get deep into it.
✿ TEACHERS so martel has zero education. she can’t read or write much beyond a kindergarden level. i think it’d be really sweet if someone with patience would like to try and teach her!! she’s a bit anxious, but she’d make a good student. ooooor, if you’d like to teach her how to cook or do something else... power to you! she’s curious, so she’ll totally
✿ ETC literally slap me with whatever vibe you’ve got. let create something spicy.
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authoralexharvey · 1 year
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hi hi!! i got sidetracked by last minute homework but I'm now here to ask you all the questions 💕
the empress, the hierophant, three of cups, six of cups, eight of cups, knight of swords, and ace of wands!
Hey Andi! Bring on the questions <3
Putting this under a read-more cause I'm a wordy bitch lmao
Send me tarot card questions!
03. THE EMPRESS: CREATIVITY (What do you do to feed your creativity and gain inspiration?) 
Anything and everything, to be honest. Read books. Play games. Go on walks. Stare at incredible art. Sometimes just the way the world works (the first inklings of the idea for ASMLP came about because I carry a notebook everywhere sometimes and one time it got me thinking about wizards with spell books so. When I say everything I do really mean it!)
05. THE HIEROPHANT: TRADITION (Do you have any writing traditions you follow or plan to implement?) 
I am getting better at "butt in chair, hands on keyboard"... Trying to make myself a schedule just never pans out because I depress myself with my inability to maintain it. You know what's been working though? Forcing myself to write when I have a moment. Woke up earlier than I anticipated before work? Time to write. On lunch? Time to write. Waiting with my fiance at the dealership so he can get his car looked at? Time to get writing.
Granted, if I am in a place with internet, which I often am, I tend to get sidetracked incredibly easily. I could be writing right now, for instance. That, too, I am learning to work with. I'm on tumblr again? Okay, I can scroll for five minutes and then I have to tab back. Shit like that.
24. THREE OF CUPS: CELEBRATION (How do you celebrate your wins, or plan to?)
I don't have like. A set way to. With my last publication, it happened to go live the same day I went to a pride festival which happened to have a talent show (hosted by Eric Millegan of TV show Bones acclaim) that I happened to get myself into last minute and I happened to get to read the first scene of said short that just got published. And that was pretty rad.
Mostly though I will twirl around my room or thank the Gods or get myself a nice treat because I deserve it.
27. SIX OF CUPS: CHILDHOOD (Have you written since you were a child or did you pick up the skill as an adult?)
My origin story technically is I've been writing since I was two when I scribbled in my mother's Tomb Raider (?) guide book, but the first thing I actually wrote was when I was six years old. Either way, I've been at this since I was a kid!
29. EIGHT OF CUPS: WALKING AWAY (At what point would you walk away from the goal of being published? Was there ever a moment where you considered it?)
Okayyyy so. Yes, actually.
2021 was... an awful year in a lot of respects. Dogshit awful bad. Working a job I hated, living somewhere I hated, feeling like I was going absolutely nowhere in my life in every single way. And it... sucked. It sucked so bad. And I could barely write a thing.
Worse still, I was watching a lot of my friends succeed. And like. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for them! But on top of everything else, it just felt like a constant downward spiral.
I made myself a deal. One more shot. A discord I was in was opening up submissions for an anthology. I told myself if I didn't get it, I would put down writing forever and I would give it up... Maybe not forever, but for a very long time.
Good news for everyone, clearly that's not what happened. I got published and now I'm building a small fanbase for myself. I'm in a better place all around tbh.
As for when to walk away from publishing I mean... tbh. I've all but sworn off traditional publishing. I know I stand no chance getting anywhere and I don't want to have my visions and my dreams neutered by an unfeeling, uncaring conglomerate. I am much happier doing this myself. That way, if I'm successful, I've at least earned it.
47. KNIGHT OF SWORDS: AMBITION (What is your loftiest, wildest goal?)
Answered this one!
64. ACE OF WANDS: NEW GROWTH (How do you grow the seed of an idea into a full story?)
Great question! Uhhhh It kinda depends on the project. Let's take ASMLP, for instance. I mentioned earlier just carrying a notebook around gave me an idea for a story about people who use spellbooks. I was also balls deep in Soulsborne Lore and wanted to write about monster hunters. I mashed the two together, started developing the colleges and where monsters come from and all that. Which led me to an idea a magic caster at a magic college who turns into a monster and whose "death" gets covered up. And from there, I built the characters and outlined a plot for once in my fucking life and. Boom. ASMLP was officially born.
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anouri · 2 years
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⭐️ !!
(directors cut ask game!!)
okay, so for this i want to talk about james & guilt in l'éphémère.
spoilers & tw: discussions of abuse (childhood & domestic)
i feel as though a lot of people (less so in jegulus-centred fics, more so when thinking of him as a side character or more broadly) tend to characterize james as a very happy-go-lucky, well-adjusted dude; which, this is a fair way to characterize him, i think, because well-adjusted, generally happy people do (apparently) exist in the world. especially with how supportive we've characterized james' family to be, it's certainly plausible that he's doing pretty alright.
but, here's the thing that i always get stuck on when pondering james' characterization: i think people sometimes forget that having friends who are going through a lot can weigh you down, and even be traumatizing for you too. think about it this way; in l'éphémère, it's explicitly stated that james consistently witnessed the aftermath of sirius being abused by his family, before ultimately he ended up being disowned/run away after being severely attacked. he's always witnessing this, whilst he himself is lucky enough to have a caring family that wouldn't even think of doing the unspeakable to him--and, well, that isn't fair! why should he get to have that whilst sirius doesn't? what has james done to deserve something good? in his mind, he hasn't. he's nothing special, and yet he somehow has grown up with all this good whilst witnessing his closest friends suffering or lacking the privilege that he has. continually experiencing this has caused him to form some sort of guilt complex: he could have helped sirius earlier, he doesn't deserve all the good in his life, his life is so perfect that he doesn't have the right to ever be sad, if he has a bad day he's being ungrateful for what he has, his friends have it worse than him he's just being terrible, etc... it's a downward spiral of self-blame and loathing perpetuated by the fact that he's a human being with emotions and that life simply isn't fair.
alright, so the bud of contrition is already present in james' mind, probably from adolescence onward. but what causes it to truly sprout in l'éphémère? well, it's his past horrific relationship with avery in which he is a victim of abuse. it's well documented that those who fall victim to abuse can begin to blame themselves for the abuse rather than blame the abuser, and unfortunately i think that this characterization of james is predisposed to this tendency. his propensity to feel guilty for any transgression (or anything he sees as a transgression that really really isn't) allows him to easily turn the blame to himself or to minimize what he's going through. and, after he's out of the abusive relationship, he refuses to tell his parents or any of his friends (other than sirius, and by association remus- since he lives with sirius) about what's happened, because he'd feel guilty for worrying them 'needlessly'. a lot of this can be seen in this exchange between him & sirius:
“I’ve not told [Effie and Monty] because…” [...] “I don’t want them to know that I’ve let something like this happen to me. That I’ve done this to myself.”
“What?” Sirius said immediately, his voice going up two octaves in what might be a baroque mess of anger, concern, shock, and worry. “Don’t you dare say you’ve done this to yourself, you hear me?”
“Well, I have, haven’t I?” James asked with what he had hoped was a laugh, but was really a sob. “I could have left, so long ago. The first time he’d done this, the second time, the third… But I thought if I’d give him a chance–”
“You choose to see the good in people,” Sirius interjected, unable to allow this stream of thought to continue, “That’s not the same thing as doing harm unto yourself [...]"
and also here:
It was rather easy to convince himself of that, because, initially, the insults were doled out only after James had made some sort of mistake. (Really, they were always minor transgressions that most people wouldn’t even seek an apology for, slipups and blunders that most people wouldn’t even remember the next day—but to Avery, they weren’t that, and if he had unintentionally hurt someone he was fond of and cared for, who was he to decide what transgressions were to be deemed minor or not?)
and then, if that isn't tragic enough, james toils with the fact that his own guilt and trauma seem to be affecting people he cares for. at this point, he feels guilty about feeling guilty--it's a mess. often, he feels particularly contrite when he pulls away from remus & sirius so as to not worry them with his sullen mood, but this causes them to only think the worst has happened, and then he feels guilty for inadvertently causing them to worry anyway. he feels as though he's going about hurting everyone he loves, even though he really isn't, and feels so fucking guilty about it because he's supposed to be the happy one, bc he had a great, picturesque childhood and has amazing friends--and why is he still bringing people down? he's sunny james potter, and yet he can't even seem to find the sun in himself anymore... this thought process culminates here, when he confides in sirius after he flinches away from reg on accident:
"Has [Avery] tarnished me forever?” His voice begins to shake, but he continues nevertheless, unable to stop the words from being pulled out of his tightening chest, the fragile thoughts falling from his mouth and shattering helplessly on the table between them, cracking open to expose every pebble of worry that has occupied his mind in the past twenty-four hours. “Am I nothing but rotten because of him now? Contagious? Spreading his toxicity onto everyone I touch—unsuspecting people, all because of him? And then at a certain point—what if I keep doing this? Then it’ll eventually be my fault, right? I can’t use him as an excuse for accidentally hurting people forever, there has to be an expiration date to all of this—so, I’ll be the one to blame, if not this time then some other time in the future.”
and god, i haven't even mentioned the fact that l'éphémère literally starts with james accidentally injuring regulus. lord knows that only adds to the load of self-reproach that's already weighing him down.
in an attempt to cut myself off because i could really bang on about this for the rest of my life, i'll leave you with this excerpt from chapter 32 that more or less summarizes the main points of james' thought processes when it comes to guilt and his role in the events that transpire in l'éphémère:
Really, he’s the common denominator among a multitude of things that have gone wrong in the past few months.
After all, he could start with the obvious: the injury.
But it’s more than that, isn’t it?
It’s the seed he had planted in Regulus’ mind that James didn’t trust him—or perhaps that he even feared him. A seed he had planted by flinching away from him when Regulus had only been doing something innocuous, something playful. [...]
And it’s also the concern he caused his friends, worrying Remus and Sirius due to his sudden, dismissive radio silence—all because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his own actions. [...]
It’s the rapid dismissal of Lily’s observation all those weeks ago. [...] Could he have single-handedly prevented the whiplash that all of them had suffered through hours ago?
It’s also the way he never truly bothered to ask either one of them about their brothers, not really. The lack of inquiry is caused by an odd sort of paradoxical selfish selflessness that he’s always operated under—although it has definitely been exacerbated in the past year—the manner by which he refuses to poke and prod at sensitive topics that likely should be discussed, both in an attempt to be considerate and because he fears potential repercussions that might be directed at him if he probes too much.
Quite suddenly, he realises that the further he goes back in time, the more instances he can find in which he’s made a mistake that inevitably led him to this very moment in time.
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blainke · 5 months
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Ok so I've been reading a LOT of good omens fics lately and something in me just snapped when I had a mental image of Crowley doing pottery and now here I am 3 hours later with the most self indulgent piece of writing I have ever made. Why would Crowley be into pottery? Easy, because I am and I am projecting. Also the first time I've written anything fic-like, and I haven't written anything at all in YEARS. SO you could say its been an odd day. But I loved writing it, and I'm curious if anyone else will enjoy my rambling. Be warned, its all over the place. Without any further ado, here is Crowley Makes a Pot (~3k words)
Crowley Makes a Pot
Pottery is a meditation, to Crowley. It is so human, but an act of creation so divine it feels like holding the universe in his hands again. All that raw potential of the clay, just a special kind of dirt they noticed is all really, one that can become anything. Over and over again -- until you take it to the flame, and it becomes eternal. No pottery is ever forced to become a subpar version of itself before actions become permanent. You can work a lump for as long as you have the patience for it, no matter how slopped with water it becomes, how unable to hold its shape -- given time, it will reform. The opposite is true as well for a forgotten pot, unfinished, unsatisfactory, long dried from the air and brittle as bone -- it can be brought back into life with just the addition of water. 
And time, of course. It will break the stiff walls down, moisture seeping in and softening everything. Eventually, it can be molded again into anything else in the world. Take the bits and globs and chunks of previous try’s, lay them all out and let the air and water and time do its work on the earth. You must tend it, tedious though it is, to make sure every point coalesces evenly. Turning and mixing until a semblance of structure is flowing through it, and excess moisture beginning to leave, can be formed into arches, slowly regaining shape.
This process is messy work, and the first few wedges always leave Crowley a bit annoyed, covered in slip, but also alight in a way making a big mess on purpose only can do. Plus, the longer he does it, it'll clean itself up in a sense. One of the nice features of clay. At this point, the addition of hands is necessary -- the heat from the body speeds the drying process as well as warming the clay into an easily workable consistency, and the movement smooths the uneven pieces. Soon, it will come to where Crowley is now. Where in his mind, the meditation begins. A moist, pomegranate sized, dense lump of clay, reworked from his past attempts. He watches, feeling the pockets of air folded into the clay slowly breathe out as his hands deftly push, rotate, push, rotate, over and over and over. Spiral wedging is his preference, the organic, beautiful shape it makes, the dance between the differing pressure and turning of his hands in tandem. 
This repetitive motion is the most important. It is the foundation of everything, and will dictate in no uncertain terms how your throwing will be if done improperly. Rushing through, you will plant the seeds of your own destruction into the clay in the form of random pockets of air that will cause bubbles and irregularities and infuriating popping as the clay stretches -- almost always resulting in a thin point that compromises the entire piece. Sometimes small bubbles can still be fixed, but it makes much more sense to be thorough enough to not have to deal with them at all on the wheel.
So wedging. So much wedging, hundreds of rotations for recycled clay like this. Fifty to a hundred would likely be enough for a lump this size, but Crowley is not going to be making the same mistake as his most recent failure. Damn impatience cost him the pot before it even had a fighting chance. So this time, he goes a bit overboard, and besides, it feels good. There is a mild and not unpleasant burn in his forearms from the work, and he feels almost hypnotized by the spiral in the clay as he works it around and around. 
Finally, the clay feels ready. It feels smooth, unblemished, bearing no mark of its previous collapses, ready to hold itself up again, to become something new. Bit like the birth of a star, if you stretch the metaphor far enough, and Crowley is. It’s all potential right now, but once it gets spinning, all the elements crashing into each other in steady chaos -- until finally, it reaches balance, and can explode into something bright and beautiful. He slowly works the spiral into itself, until it becomes a solid ball, ready to be thrown. 
This part is always good. The satisfaction of a simple first step, a visual and tactile experience to get you into the feel of the clay again before any decisions have to be made. Walking slowly to the wheel with the clay in hand, he lets his mind roll over the possibilities, hands doing the same to the cool surface. You could be anything, he thinks gently at it, heart softening like the wedging had the same effect on it as the clay. Knowing his propensity to be strict and unforgiving with his plants, this may come as a surprise. 
Think about it longer, however, and it becomes quite clear. A plant only has one chance on each leaf it unfurls, once it opens, that’s it, and the delicate body can be affected by anything if he doesn’t inspire them to be strong enough to persist. It could fall at any time. Better to stop at the earliest signs. Clay though, it’s different. It’s just potential, giving itself to him relentlessly, without end, without consequence, until he can agree with it that it will be satisfied this way forever. And then, he can make it so. He can take what he’s created and make it stable, solid, so much stronger than it could have been without the heat of the kiln.
The clay will work with him, endlessly, so long as he lets it. When he thinks of the gift that this is, it makes the world soften at the edges. Working with clay is intimate and vast, because it’s just you and the earth and the air and water and fire, together. It’s being able to take the elements of the world into your hands, and shape them into something, with as much room for error and change as you’d like. 
Until you add the fire. 
He knows the irony of it. But somehow, it doesn’t hurt him in that way. Everything he makes has a choice, careful consideration, multiple opportunities for failure before being gently nestled into a space that will enhance them, make them strong. This flame is not a punishment, it is a gift. It is looking at something you created and saying I want you to persist like this. The way that you are, that I have worked with you in innumerable ways to achieve, is beautiful and ready to be set free into the world of permanence, set free from the cycle of death and rebirth of raw clay. We have spent all these hours together, quietly, in so many different states. I have attended you, and you have given me something to treasure.
Exhaling slowly, he finds himself already seated on the stool in front of the wheel, deliberately placing the bat on the wheel and securing the clay. His thoughts have carried him to this spot, as he finds they often do. A gentle tap of the foot pedal to ensure the wheel is on, wetting his hands generously in the bowl of water next to him brings his mind back to the present. He focuses, steadying himself. Centering, the first part of the pottery process, is the most important. Yes, wedging is the most important as of a few minutes ago, but now, when the clay begins to spin, centering is the most important part. It won’t matter how smooth and air pocket free your clay is from wedging on the wheel -- if it’s not centered, nothing will work, the shape will be uneven, and the clay is likely to collapse or wobble its way off the wheel.
He leans in, getting close and stabilizing his right elbow into his hip as he adds pressure to the lumpy ball, increasing the speed of the wheel. It slaps awkwardly in his wet hands for a moment, until the slow, determined, pressure of his body, and the now fastest pace of the wheel collide onto its form, and smooth it. When you throw, you get to start rough and fast, and Crowley appreciates that about it. As the process goes on, you have to continually slow down, and become ever more precise in your movements and relation to the speed of the wheel. But centering, the beginning, is chaotic and forceful and fast and wonderful.
He fights the off-center wobble of the cylinder, feeling the satisfying grounding he always does. Centering anchors you in place, if you do it right. The wheel is set low, so that sitting close in front of it puts your hips at the same height. This way, you can form connection points all the way from the vast stability of the ground, up through your feet, to your legs and hips, which are always stable in such a low seated position. From there, connecting your elbow into your hip, you can lean forward and place your hand to the clay in its most difficult to control state, and be immovable. Even pounds and pounds of clay at a time can be held in check by thin and unassuming arms in this way. In this merging of earth and water, strength isn't necessary to move mountains, only support. 
The addition of water and gentle guidance from the left hand is constant, easing what would quickly become dry and uncomfortable friction between the clay and his hand, as it becomes stable. He applies pressure differently now that it is, gently but firmly coning the clay up into a thin tower, and then pressing it back again into a low lump. Any potential for mistakes in the wedging process are double checked here, as the clay spirals around itself with the added pressure, changing its shape as it’s pressed up and down. The water works its way evenly into the body of the clay, and it softens further.
Centering is done when you can spin the wheel at top speeds, and the clay appears to be immobile. There will be no indication it’s moving, no wobble, just an illusion of stillness. Now is where Crowley has to begin making decisions. The pace of the wheel slows down, and carefully, he presses into the middle of the top, coaxing it open with just a few fingers. At this point, every other thought normally whirling around his head has been spun out of orbit by the centering of the clay, like the excess water and slip into the drip tray around the wheel. He is calm, all attention raptly honed in on the small cylinder in front of him. Every movement must be precise now. His clay is centered, but any irregular pull or accidental catch of a finger could undo that now.
Opening is one of the most satisfying steps to Crowley, it seems laughable, but its the moment he swears he can feel the appreciation of the clay thrum through him, up through his fingertips and hitting deep in his chest. Thank you. It says, thank you for taking your time with me, allowing me to be imperfect, working so closely and patiently to get to the point where I can be unfurled and become something. He presses down until there’s about half an inch to the bottom of the bat, and then eases it into a pull towards his own body. This part is intimate, he feels like he is saying back, there you go, come here, and let’s see what the two of us can accomplish together now. I've got you, you’ve been so good to me. 
The clay follows where he beckons, and as the opening in the center grows, forming a crude cup shape, he begins easing the pace of the wheel down a tad more. This is where he can be delicate. Must be, really. It’s a feeling he only lets out here, usually. Sometimes it will slip out around Aziraphale, this carefully hidden delicacy of his, but here is where he lets it truly free. It works well for the craft, as the clay requires not only delicacy in this state, but determined force to rise. Pulling the walls. 
He is delicate, but there is a tidal wave of restraint behind it, begging to be unleashed freely. He won’t do that, can’t do that, so it comes out here with a pressure that is perfect for these first few pulls. Slip of leather in his right hand, the fingers of his left deftly finding place on the inside even with the base, he begins. Deliberately, the pressure between his two hands increases on the clay, outside hand hooked just barely lower to make more clay move in these first pulls where the clay is stable and thick enough to withstand it. It feels like a miracle every time, the steady movement making the walls of the cylinder rise higher and higher, reforming rapidly into itself to reach up, stretching thin.
No words are happening in his mind now, and he exalts in it. It’s a feeling he can't describe, making the clay move this way. Ineffable, really. A dance. Lost in the music of the wheels’ low hum, the soft creation under his hands, moving with him. Demons are terrible dancers, but this is instinctual to Crowley now, and all he has to do is let the current of care pull him along with the clay.
Its more than double the height it was when it was first opened, and without hesitation, he moves to widen the base, beginning the shaping process. Its funny every time, the moment of anxiety he sometimes feels when he knows he will eventually have to make decisions about how the pot comes into existence. Always in the transition moments between centering and opening, when he knows the steps that happen the same way each time are coming to an end. He convinces himself he simply won’t know what to do when the time comes, that he hasn’t formulated enough of a plan for anything to be successful. It’s funny, because every time he actually reaches the point where the walls are pulled thin enough to begin to take their own distinct shape, it happens almost without thought. 
It is more an extension of himself at this point than a separate entity he has to force into his will. He moves, the clay moves. The collaboration between loose intentions and the particular preferences of this clay in his hands. This pot, it seems, is not concerned with showy curves or dramatic angles. Forming to the gentle pressures of his hands, its form emerges, a low round base, a slight pull in at the top, ending in a gentle flare. It will house an orchid nicely. 
His mind in a slight haze as he pulls back from the final adjustment on its shape, he locates his metal rib, ready to begin cleaning it up. Connected as he is to the clay in these moments, they are truly unique. With the piece so thin and full of the water necessary to keep it smooth enough to move, the speed of the wheel has slowed significantly, and with it, Crowley. Now, its time to scrape away the softest and messiest pieces on the surface, and see what clarity lies below. 
Gently, he lets the rib connect near the base of the piece, barely touching. It’s not enough to alter its shape, only pull off the slip coating the outside, and he feels it in his mind as well. The haze of such uninterrupted focus peeling off him like this last layer of the clay. He feels much like the pot now looks as the rib feathers carefully off the top of the piece. Made new, smoothed out, ready to settle in this new comfortable shape. A bit of time to firm up again in the world, and then the finishing details of the foot of the pot can be carved out, details that will make this pot who it is. Trimming the foot of a piece can change it entirely, and adds a whole new level of satisfaction to the process for Crowley.
He gets to say, Hello new one, you are soft now and have done so well in your first moments in the world. Take some time. Learn yourself, become comfortable as leather, and then we will trim the pieces of you that you’ve no use for. You will have time to become better, before this becomes permanent. Exhaling slowly, he lets the wheel come to a stop. A beat passes, with the first true lack of movement in the room seeping into him. The nice thing about the nature of clay, is that it will be a few days before he can touch this again. He takes a thin length of wire, presses it onto the bat, and pulls from both ends smoothly across, severing the pot from where it has been connected all this time firmly to the surface. 
Without the spinning of the wheel, his thoughts start to gravitate back into his mind, but slowly enough that he new fragile pot is deposited onto a shelf and carefully, loosely covered to firm up slowly. From here, he knows, his thoughts will speed up and up and up again, he will resume his normal pace -- until he can come back and trim it. Then, blessedly, the process of trimming follows a very similar cadence of starting fast and deliberate and hard, before easing down into precision and slowness. It is perfect for him. The gentle necessity of pottery starting with him where he is, and guiding him into a sort of peace he can only find this way, before setting him free again until the next time. Washing the now dry film of clay on his arms off, he grabs his sunglasses from a nearby snake sculpture that had been the first piece he actually fired, he walks out of the quiet studio. Until next time.
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Secret spies and drunken nights.
Part 4
Read: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5
A/N: Thanks to anon for suggesting I write about reader getting drunk before their birthday early. I enjoyed writing this quite a bit. Also when I am not intentionally sticking to certain pronouns, they tend to just mix. I myself use all pronouns and so that just naturally happens whilst I write too.
I really want to proof read, but my eyes have given up on me. I literally can’t focus them. 😔
Summary: You go out celebrating your birthday early, getting super drunk and you know Wanda won’t be happy when she finds out.
Word count: 1,7K
Warnings: alcohol, sexual suggestions, it gets really fluffy.
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The two women had told you they’d be out of town for a couple days. You knew the reason for their absence, but having not seen them in 3 days you were now driving yourself mad with thoughts of, what if they didn’t actually mean what they said, what if they just wanted sex, what if they are actually spies and out on a secret mission. The last thought spiraled into you imagining one of them getting hurt on said mission or them never coming back, which made you cry. Yes you were getting a bit out of hand with your theories. You cried and cried over this fake scenario you had created in your head, until you had no tears left. Then you just laid there for longer than you’d like to admit. Finally after several hours spent in a state that can only be described as catatonic, you felt something, frustration, anger. First at Natasha and Wanda for being secret spies who by now in your mind already left the country, without saying a word. Then you got angry at yourself for how easily you lost it, letting your mind play all kinds of tricks on you and for a second letting yourself get mad at the two people who had done nothing wrong. By the end of it you weren’t sure what exactly made you the saddest, missing Nat and Wanda or just how far you let yourself spiral. All you knew was that you needed a distraction and as if on queue the phone rang.
“Hi.” You spoke, with an apathetic tone, not really trying.
“Wow, well aren’t you chipper. Almost thought I got your voicemail for a sec.” The voice spoke mockingly on the other end of the line.
“Yelena? Why are you calling at this time of day.” You said almost grumpily, having forgotten about how you wanted a distraction and now just annoyed that she interrupted your wallowing.
“Um exactly, what time do you think it is y/n?” Yelena said laughing, but with slight concern creeping up.
“I have no idea actually?” Almost shocked yourself at how it may as-well be the next day and you would have no clue, how much time you had spent crying and staring at the ceiling.
“Oh, dear, I called at the perfect time, I see. Put on something cute and I’ll pick you up in five. We are going out and getting waisted. Half celebration and half mourning whatever’s been going on with you.” Yelena spoke confidently before hanging up. She never gave you time for saying yes or no to plans and she never gave you a chance because she usually knew your answer, but thought hers was better. You pulled yourself up feeling dizzy once on your feet. You didn’t check the time not wanting to know how long you had been in bed for. In your hazy state you struggled choosing good clothes, but eventually settled on the same outfit you had worn to your date. The outfit Wanda helped you pick, the clothes Natasha paid for. You felt comfort putting them on, feeling closer to them. God you had been on one date with them and you were already falling, this was unlike you in so many ways. Thank god neither of them knew what went through your mind or they would have already fled, unless that’s what they had done? Oh, no, no, stop it no more of that tonight. You were going out with Yelena to have fun, or at least forget.
As promised she showed up 5 minutes later, flask in hand as she often did.
By the time you had found a bar, you had already finished her bottle of liquor and she was now quite annoyed.
“Don’t look at me like that. It’s my birthday! You can’t hit me.” You spoke, with a smug smile, knowing she definitely would have on another day.
“Fine, I ‘ll hit you tomorrow.” She said, the look on her face indicating she was looking forward to it. You rolled your eyes at her, walking up to the bar.
“Two shots of tequila. Please.” You smiled. The bartender was really cute. You shook your head, that was not the reason you were here. You were forgetting the mess, that was the goal, not making it messier. Regardless of how good you were at that.
“She meant four.” Yelena said to the bartender, giving them a wink.
“Oh boy, this night is not gonna end well is it?” You giggle nervously at Yelena’s smirk.
“Oh! I’ll make sure of it.” She said, as the shots were lined up in front of you. You emptied them swiftly and Yelena did the same. As you did you remembered what Wanda had said about drinking. Technically you were still too young, but the bars here rarely checked id. A shiver went down your spine, imagining Wanda’s disappointed face.
“We’ll have a second round.” You ordered, eager to get rid of that thought.
“Wow, and to think I thought I’d have to force you to even have a beer?” Yelena laughed at you, as you emptied yet another shot glass. You gave a way a small fake chuckle, completely focused on the task.
“So, what is up with you? I know you always enjoy a drink, but you seem like you’re trying to drown yourself?” She raised an eyebrow. You pushed her glass towards her, avoiding the question completely.
“The bartender is cute.” You whisper to Yelena, head ducked as if to make yourself invisible. God damn, you sure didn’t last long before bringing that up, huh? The alcohol was quickly rushing to your head, having not counted for the missed meals of the day, due to your wallowing.
“Yeah?” She raised her eyebrow, not pushing you to talk, since you clearly weren’t in the mood. “Why don’t you go for it.”
“Uhm, no.” You said ducking your head. The memory of the two women coming back. You closed your eyes tightly, the room spinning now.
“Why not?!” She exclaimed.
“I am.. seeing some… one? Seeing… peop.. two wom… uhmm. I think?” You struggled to find the right words.
“Oh! You’re dating someone?” Yelena leaned in, with intrigue sparkling in her eyes.
“Well, two actually.” You said shyly looking at your hands. “The couple that moved in down the street.” Almost whispering now.
“No fucking way!! Omg, good for you! Who are they? Tell me more?!” She laughed, shaking your arm with excitement.
“Well, we’ll see.” You smiled now thinking about Natasha and Wanda. “They are pretty great, but it’s new. So don’t go telling anyone!” You were still smiling at the thought, though desperately trying to keep a warning tone.
“Of course, I am the best at secrets, I love them!” She said with a grin leaning in towards you. Rolling your eyes at the statement you nodded.
“But now you have to tell me everything.” Yelena spoke, eagerly. And you did. You spent the rest of the night drunkenly babbling on and on about Natasha and Wanda. And no longer were you feeling sad.
****************************
Yelena was being picked up by a friend and so you were left to walk home alone. It was maybe not the best idea, but it was thankfully not far. So on you went slowly making your way home, stumbling over your feet every few steps. You had started humming some song, completely out of tune, a smile on your face nonetheless, as you head was clouded with intoxication. Your humming came to a stop as you reached Wanda and Nat’s house, the two women standing outside by their car, apparently home from their trip. Your mind told you to run the opposite direction, knowing this was a horrible time for them to get home, but your legs were jelly.
“Y/N, sweetheart.”Wanda waved, with a big smile. You started walking towards them, trying to look sober, but failing miserably.
“H-hi.” You smiled, half lifting your hand for a wave. Trying to focus your eyes on Wanda’s, but struggling.
“You’re drunk.” Wanda said, her smile fading, as she eyed you suspiciously.
“J-ust… little.” Having real trouble making coherent sentences now. “Birthday celebra… celeb-celebrate.” You smiled content with that. “Early.” You followed up, at the sight of Wanda’s frown. Natasha rolled her eyes.
“Dumb, baby.” She chuckled, earning her an elbow in the side from Wanda. Wanda turned motioning towards the house. You just looked at her blinking.
“Can you walk on your own?” Natasha asked with slight amusement. You shifted one leg forward, not quite feeling the ground like you should.
“Oh, shit.” Was the only words formed before you went falling head first into a snow drift.
“декта!” Wanda exclaimed with wide eyes of shock, covering her mouth with both hands, before rushing to your side.
“God, котенок you keep falling for us.” Natasha took your other arm. They helped you inside, guiding you to the couch.
Wanda’s eyes were filled with disappointment and concern. That look on her face, sunk in your chest and you felt like crying. You never wanted to see her like that again.
“Im.. s-sorry.” Your voice shaked and tears started coming down your face. You wanted to say more, but the guilt had traveled up your throat, pain locking your jaw shut. Wanda hugged you close.
“I just care about you, декта.” She whispered.
“I missed you.” You whimpered against Wanda’s shoulder.
“We missed you too.” Natasha spoke, running her hand along your back, as you squeezed Wanda tighter.
“You need sleep, baby.” Wanda moved away cupping your face, wiping away your tears. She went on running her thumbs soothingly over your cheeks. You kept your eyes closed focusing on the touch, scared to see her face again.
“Open your eyes.” She spoke sweetly and so you did. Her eyes now calm, as they looked into yours and her features soft once more.
“I’m not mad honey. We do need to do something about your problem with listening, but that will have to be taken care of tomorrow.” She spoke softly but something shifted in her demeanor as she glanced at Nat, who simply smirked. You swallowed hard, unsure whether you should feel excitement or fear, but you didn’t feel any fear. You never did with them, in-fact you felt safer than you had ever felt before. You smiled at that thought. The two women giggled at you curiously. Wanda tilting her head, seemingly attempting to peer into your mind.
“Okay.” Nat interrupted with a chuckle. “Let’s go to bed.” She grabbed you away from Wandas gaze.
“Together?” You spoke curiously, getting sleepy just by the thought of being cuddled up between the two.
“Yes, kitten. Were you planning to sleep on the couch?” Natasha laughed, her grip on your waist tightening, helping you up the stairs. Wanda follows close behind her.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Requests are open 😘🧡
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wannabegwenstacy · 3 years
Text
Bangtan in Bed: Kim Namjoon | NSFW
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Kim Namjoon: The Dom Daddy 😈 - HAPPY JOONIE DAY!! 210912
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Rating: 18+
Contains: Daddy/Baby Kink Dynamic, Dirty Talk, BDSM, Bondage, Orgasm control, Sensory play, Dom/Sub Dynamic, Marking, Impact play, Lingerie, Stripteases, Anal, Cum play, Cream pies, Oral Fixation (kissing)
A/N: I ended up accidentally switching from third person (them/they) to second person (you) halfway through. i'm sorry about that, i wrote this in two different sittings and i forgot i was originally writing in third person.
Series Masterlist
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⇣Below cut⇣
Daddy kink!
We have all sensed it. Man's got a daddy kink! So, let me kindly introduce you to Daddy Dom Kim Namjoon.
If his never-ending flow of "Baby's" while in front of a camera didn't hint at his interest in pet names as a kink, especially the "Daddy" and "BabyGirl/BabyBoy/Baby" dynamic, then IDK what will.
Like mans got an IQ of 148, he knows by now that we are practically dripping at his little "baby" coos!...He does it for a reason
Which also makes a good case for his love of dirty talk!
He picks up languages pretty well and he has said himself that he wanted to be a poet once upon a time. He is an amazing lyricist.
He is good with his words, and he knows it! He also has that deep sexy voice of his that I'm also pretty sure he's quite aware of by now so a chance to make his partner melt with those very same words of his. he isn't going to think twice about using them.
Joon is kinky, but he is like Jin. He isn't really one to parade around his gifts in the bedroom. He would rather keep those times sacred.
I see Joon having an interest in the BDSM scene. Collars, Restraints, Blindfolds, Rope, Lingerie, Stockings, Fishnets.
With him also dabbling in the BDSM arts it's not a surprise that Joon seems like the type to need a strong level of trust. He needs to trust his partner and for his partner to trust him.
So, I don't see Joon really doing one-night stands. Casual maybe. But not quick hookups.
Lingerie! He loves a good strip show and lap dance.
Seeing his partner being the one to take control over him every once in and while was thrilling to him.
Them dressed in pretty little lace lingerie with stockings and a collar that had diamond letters spelling out their given pet name he assigned to them.
Him seated but not restrained, told not to move, for daddy to be good for his precious baby.
Them bending forward, pressing one hand to the back of the chair, and the other gripping the chair between his legs being careful to not touch him only getting close.
They would lean in getting only an inch from his face, eyes flicking from up and down looking from his lips to his eyes before leaning in even closer hovering over those very same lips teasing a kiss then leaning back watching as he chases after them pleating.
They would stand up hitching their leg up to rest on his thigh in a pointed fashion before slowing leaning down and unbuttoning the clasps, giving him an innocent look, then hooking their thumbs in the thigh-high pastel hose before rolling them down and pulling them off.
Standing up and wrapping the hose around both their hands like a strand of rope circling him watching as he shifts in his chair being the one told to behave this time around.
They would circle his chair once then almost twice before settling behind him leaning down close to his ear pressing one single kiss under his ear before lightly running their teeth across the cartridge nibbling then running their tongue across sucking at the length of his ear sweetly. Followed by blowing cold air eliciting a shiver from him.
They would then use the hose to tie back his hands making sure he can't touch them now even if he wanted to.
Only dishing out the same treatment he has given to on so many occasions
Fair is fair after all.
A tease for a tease.
A denied finish for a denied finish.
A bite for a bite.
A hickie for a hickie.
In reason obviously, you don't want to make the job too difficult for the stylist noonas.
But if you were really playing fair he would cover, under every piece of concealed flesh hidden under his clothing would be adorned in marks just like he has done many times before to you.
Joon tends to have a possessive streak in the bedroom, you are his baby.
But with that possessiveness comes the need for secrecy and devotion to the other, so he tends to hide his markings he leaves from other eyes. He's careful.
Methodical with his placements.
Under the waistband of your jeans, on you inner inner thighs during winter, little bruises left behind from his hands, and little crevice indents from his nails breaking the skin.
Hand prints left, sore swollen bruised skin. A reminder every time you sit down.
He loves to watch you squirm the following days after a particular heated night. It's cute.
Speaking of spankings. He loves giving them.
Having his baby bent over ass up bare whimpering under him.
He adores all form of impact play but his favorite is just using his hand. Feeling his baby red and flush.
Plus he gets to kneed at your pretty pink peach after wards so it's a win win in his mind.
"Oppa hit me harder, i like it" (Joon's verse in ProMeTheUs)
He's an Ass man through and through!
Everything involving your ass.
Watching it giggle when he's giving you backshots.
Cumming on your ass
In your ass (w/ condom).
Oh, he loves anal! Fingering you or even using toys. But his favorite obviously is fucking your pretty pink hole.
Sometimes he'll get daring and fuck you raw.
Cumming in your ass then pulling out to just watch it slowly leak out, running down your thighs, and pulling in the mattress. And if he's lucky, pooling with your own.
Fuck! He really can't get enough of that perky little ass.
Its a shame he can't always treat himself with you all the time. He loses himself to easily, just spiraling into a mess of grunts, growls, and groans.
When fucking you like that he doesn't sadly get to indulge into his other guilty pleasures that involve you and that beautiful body of yours.
Instead, of himself shaking and losing himself he changes his focus on to you.
Whining for your own release, begging for him to fuck you, to push you till you can't take no more.
Squirming. Hands and legs tied away. Out of use. Spread and open for him.
Only letting you cum when he knows you are at your worst then letting that growing tension snap plunging you into your release.
Occasionally he will add some ear muffs, blind folds, and/or a cherry flavored lollypop to the mix. Dialing your senses to 10.
Telling you to suck on the lolly until it's gone or blow a bubble with some bubble gum.
He would kiss you after, tasting just how sweet you can be.
Which I think this is a good time for me to mention Joon has an oral fixation for your lips. He loves kissing you.
Foreplay and aftercare are never skipped and always littered with kisses.
Soft pecks to lingering kisses & lip bites. Leaving your lips and red and swollen as your cheeks.
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NEXT UPDATE: Seokjin! - 210919
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gretavansidecut · 3 years
Text
Room to Breathe
Pairing: Josh Kiszka x Gender Neutral Reader
Word Count: 4,297
Summary: You're out at a crowded bar with the boys and start to have a panic attack from all the sensory overload and your crush Josh helps you through it
Warnings: swearing, alcohol use, general angst, detailed descriptions of sensory overload, anxiety, and spiraling negative thoughts. If you find any of these things to be triggering or otherwise upsetting, please proceed with extreme caution!
A/N:  So I haven't written a fic in like... God, six years maybe? But this idea popped into my head the other night and just wouldn't leave so I figured what the heck, why not give this writing thing another try? I had an absolute blast writing this, and I hope you all enjoy it!
     You held your head in your hands, trying your best to steady your breathing as you took refuge in the bathroom stall. The pounding, brain-rattling music of the honky-tonk was slightly more bearable in the relative quiet of the restroom, but you still found yourself grinding your teeth as the noise was beginning to get to you. Densely packed places were always a challenge; you weren't necessarily afraid of crowds, or claustrophobic, or anything like that, it was more that the combination of the overbearing noise and the feeling of being packed in like a sardine tended to make you a little... Panicky, to say the least. It didn't help that just getting into the bar in the first place nearly gave you sensory overload either. But you weren't about to bail early if you could help it, and you weren’t about to let a little creeping panic ruin a night on the town with the guys of Greta Van Fleet, especially not when Josh was the one who'd invited you to come along. Besides, you could handle a crowded, noisy bar for one night, right?
     The sudden slamming of the bathroom door made you jump in your stall, the rowdy voices of drunk patrons shattering whatever peace you'd had up to that point. You let out a heavy sigh, figuring it was for the best as you'd already been in there for at least five minutes. Any longer and the guys might've started to get worried, or worse, come looking for you. You emerged from your stall, ignoring the drunk people and their slurred conversation to your left as you washed your hands, and then taking a moment to splash some water on your face. Just the thought of going back out into the noise and crowd was enough to make your chest tighten, and you couldn’t help but feel a little pissed off at the current situation. You’d been looking forward to this night out for over a week; a chance to properly spend time with the guys outside of work after doing odd jobs around their studio for the last few months, and you’d especially been looking forward to spending some time with Josh. As much as you hated to admit it, you’d developed a little bit of a crush on him over the course of working at the studio, but you figured there was no harm in dreaming as long as you kept things platonic and professional. He seemed to enjoy your company and laugh at your jokes, and you definitely enjoyed his in return. 
     You let out another shaky breath, taking a few more seconds to steel yourself before heading back out there. You knew this place would be packed, and you’d been ready for it, honestly you had. But today had just been one of those aggravating days, the kind where every little thing seemed to go wrong and rub you the wrong way. And when that happened, the panic would tend to creep in more easily, and with greater intensity. Still, you resolved to hold yourself together as best you could and not ruin the evening, glancing at yourself in the mirror to make sure you were presentable, before turning around and reentering the bar.
     All at once, the blaring music and roar of the crowd hit you, and you couldn't even hear yourself think. There were flashing neon lights hung up on every wall, a few TVs scattered here and there playing some sports channels, and people zipping about all over the place. It felt like your whole head was ringing, your eyes and ears begging for mercy already as you made your way back to the far corner of the room where the boys’ table was. You could eventually pick out Josh's boisterous laughter through the mayhem, and the four of them came into view just in time for you to see Josh lob a pretzel about 4 feet into the air, only for Jake to expertly and effortlessly catching it in his mouth. Danny and Sam both cheered at once, each of them swiftly downing a shot of tequila as Josh shared a high five with his twin.
     "Hell yeah Jakey, ten in a row, that's a new record!" He exclaimed in triumph, grabbing his glass and finishing what was left of his salty dog in one gulp. When he was done, he noticed you approaching the table and his eyes immediately lit up, though whether that was because of you or the sudden rush of alcohol you weren’t sure. Still, it was always nice to see him smile, even when you felt like you were on the verge of losing your mind.
     "Heeey, Y/N's back! Now we can get this party going again!" He slung an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to his side as he grinned from ear to ear. In any other situation your hopeless crush on him would make you nervous if he got this close to you, but after your perilous trek to the bathroom and back a little contact from someone besides a total stranger was more than welcome.
     "Yeah, what took you so long?" Jake teased, popping another pretzel into his mouth. "We were starting to think you'd fallen into the sewers or something!"
     "No, that's what you thought Jake, me 'n Sam were betting they'd run off and joined the circus!" Danny added with a grin, his words slightly slurred from the tequila at this point.
     You swallowed tightly, flashing them a half-forced grin as you shook your head. “Guys, c’mon, be reasonable here, it was nothing like that... What really happened was an alligator popped up out of the toilet and we had a riveting conversation about quantum physics and string theory.”
     The guys erupted into laughter; Jake covering his mouth so he didn’t accidentally spit out his pretzel, Josh cackling to your left, Sam almost choking on his beer, and Danny holding his face in his palm as he snickered drunkenly. Even in your heightened state of anxiety, you couldn't help but genuinely laugh along with them in the moment. After all, even in a stressful situation the guys were still a hoot to be around. They each had their own oddball sense of humor that made you, a fellow oddball, feel right at home with them. And the fact that Josh's arm was still wrapped around your shoulder was pretty nice too. It was almost enough to make the blaring noise and packed-in-like-sardines feeling of the bar bearable... Almost.
     You were able to keep it together enough to have another round of drinks with them, finding solace in a simple vodka cranberry as the guys got drunker and more boisterous. Danny and Sam decided to have an arm wrestling contest, which Danny won quite easily given his drummer's arms, though that didn’t stop Sam from challenging him to a rematch, and still losing, five more times. Then Jake ended up slipping into his Oliver Reed impression, made all the more credible in his intoxicated state, and he began to ramble on about how wild and wonderful the filming of Tommy had been. Josh of course piped in when he could, commentating on Danny and Sam’s contest like a sports announcer and slipping into his own goofy voice as he ”interviewed” Mr. Reed. If this were happening anywhere else, literally anywhere else besides an overcrowded bar in the most overcrowded part of Nashville, you would've been having the absolute time of your life. But instead you found yourself getting more and more tense with each moment that passed by, the pounding noise and mass of shifting bodies behind you making your pulse race and your head ache. Your drink had done absolutely nothing to calm your nerves, and not even the continued feeling of Josh's arm on your shoulder seemed to help, and you were starting to resent the fact that you couldn't even enjoy that.
     You finally hit your limit when you felt the sharp point of someone's elbow jab into the middle of your back, and you flinched hard away from the source of the sudden contact. You could feel Josh’s arm tighten around your shoulder slightly, and everyone's heads whipped around to see a young woman, clearly drunk and looking very apologetic.
     "O-oh shit, I'm so sorry sweetie!" She slurred out, steadying herself on her feet. "Didn't mean t'hitcha! Jus' tryin' to get s'more drinks for my table!"
     The guys all nodded, assuring her it was and honest mistake and she gave them all a smile and a wave as she staggered off towards the bar. You, on the other hand, couldn’t even bring yourself to look at her, your eyes locked on an empty glass on the table as the ringing in your head became unbearable, every nerve and muscle in your body suddenly taut like a bowstring. The guys kept talking, though what about you had no clue, unable to make out what they were saying as your own pulse pounded in your ears. In the back of your mind you thought you could feel Josh's thumb rubbing gently against your shoulder, almost in a soothing kind of motion, but you honestly couldn't be sure right now. Every molecule in your body was struggling to keep it together as you quickly spiraled into a frenzied panic, and the only thing you were absolutely positive was true was that you had to get out of there fast.
     "Hey... You alright?" Josh's voice was suddenly clear and crisp in your ears like a bell, and it was enough to snap you out of your spiral for just a second and address the table. Though the way Jake, Sam, and Danny were looking at you expectantly made you feel like you wanted to run and hide under a rock. If there was one thing you hated more than having a breakdown in public, it was people knowing you were having a breakdown in public.
     "O-oh yeah, I'm good! Sh-she just startled me is all..." Your voice trailed off, and you swallowed dryly as you fought back tears. "I... I'm just gonna s-step outside for a second and get some air, yeah?" You said with a plastered-on smile, doing your best to not let them know anything was wrong as you reluctantly wormed your way out of Josh's grip and made your way towards the nearest door. You pushed your way through the crowd, ignoring the protests as you bumped into several people along the way, struggling to focus long enough to make it to your goal. You could feel your throat tightening, hot tears stinging your eyes as shame and embarrassment crept into your panic stricken mind. ‘Seriously? You couldn't even handle one night out in a crowded bar? You just had to let your sort-of-crappy day get to you and ruin everyone's night, didn't you?’
     Finally reaching the door, you stumbled out of it, desperately trying to catch your breath as you welcomed the sudden rush of fresh air. Unfortunately, in your panic, the door you ended up choosing wasn’t the one that led to the bar's outdoor area like you thought, but the front door, and you suddenly found yourself adrift in the churning tide of rowdy, drunken humanity that was the Broadway strip on a Friday night. You didn't even bother trying to hold the tears back at this point, completely overwhelmed and hyperventilating as you found the quietest spot in sight, an empty doorway on the other side of the bar's front windows, and sank to the ground. You hugged your knees tightly as you brought them up to your chest, shaking as you buried your face in your arms, the blaring noise, blinding lights, and sheer presence of the crowd causing you to shut down on the spot.
     The feeling of a hand on your shoulder jolted you out of your stupor, and you scrambled away from the touch as fast as you could with a startled scream. You were fully prepared to yell at whatever stranger had just touched you, because the last thing you needed right now was some rando putting their hands on you. To your mix of shock and relief, it was Josh's face that you saw, his eyes a little wide as he held up both of his hands in a defensive manner.
     "Easy Y/N, it's just me, it’s Josh!" He said as softly as he could while still being audible over the throng of the crowd. You couldn't find it in you to respond, just staring at him like a deer caught in a car’s headlights as your body started to shake uncontrollably. You suddenly realized there was, in fact, something you hated more than people knowing you were having a breakdown in public, and that was your goddamn crush knowing that you were having a breakdown in public. In the back of your panic-stricken mind you wondered, if you just stayed still long enough, whether Josh would just turn around and leave you alone. You realized just how futile that thought was when he did quite the opposite and extended a hand out to you.
     "It's pretty intense out here. Let's go find a quieter spot, alright?"
     The rest of your body still shaking, you nodded your head eagerly, accepting his hand as he pulled you up off the ground. Once you were standing, he let go of your hand and wrapped that same arm around your waist, pulling you in close to his side as he cocked his head in one direction.
     "You're ok, just stay close to me, I'll get you out of here."
     You hastily nodded again, unable to make words or maintain eye contact as you turned your gaze to the concrete below you and let Josh guide you through the sea of bodies. It felt like you were in there forever, the crowd shifting all around you, and any time you felt someone get too close, your body began to lock up and freeze. The only thing that kept you upright and moving was Josh's arm curled around your side, keeping you grounded as he led you away from the worst of the crowd. Eventually it dawned on you that the number of people around you were thinning out, the noise getting less and less intense as Josh led you up a street and then some kind of steep ramp. A cool rush of air and the sudden smell of water hit your nostrils and you glanced upwards to get your bearings just in time to realize that Josh was leading you over the river on the pedestrian bridge, towards the eastern side of the city and away from the bedlam of Broadway. You were about three quarters of the way over the bridge before he pulled you off to the side, leading you right up to the railing where you could clearly feel the breeze. The cacophony you'd just escaped from was still very much audible from this distance, but you found its volume to be much more bearable now. There was also plenty of room out here, as well as far fewer people, and for the first time since you'd entered the bar earlier that night, you felt like you could finally breathe.
     You leaned forward, bracing yourself against the railing as you took deep breaths in through your nose, before slowly exhaling through your mouth, and you could feel your body ever so slowly start to relax more and more with each one you took. Josh was quiet for the time being, his hand moving from your side to your back and rubbing up and down in a soothing motion while you caught your breath. Despite feeling calmer, the tears were more difficult to stop, anger and embarrassment at yourself nagging you in the back of your mind, unable to shake the feeling that you'd just ruined whatever fun he'd been having that night.
     You felt something soft touch your arm and you looked up to see a packet of tissues in Josh's other hand as he offered them to you, still silently rubbing your back. You happily accepted them, tearing the plastic open and grabbing a couple before reaching up and wiping your face, your breath still hitching here and there as you tried to steady yourself mentally. After a few more moments of quiet you finally heard Josh speak up, his voice soft and concerned.
     "How're you doing? Any better?"
     You bit your lip out of nerves, nodding as you finally worked up the courage to look him in the eye for the first time since leaving the doorway by the bar. You were expecting to see anger, annoyance, judgement; honestly all the things you felt about yourself right now reflected back at you in his face, but instead you saw nothing but sympathy and concern painted across his features. In any other situation you'd be positively swooning over how he was looking at you so tenderly. It was another couple moments before the ability to speak finally came back to you, and you let out a heavy, shaking sigh.
     “Y-yeah I… I’m alright now…. Thanks.” you trailed off, trying to swallow down the shame that had been slowly creeping into your mind. “I… I’m so sorry about this… I d-didn’t mean to ruin everyone’s night.”
     “Ok, first of all-” Josh said in a calm but firm voice, his palm on your back pressing into you a bit more and pulling you closer to him. “We’re not gonna do that tonight, alright? You didn’t ruin damn thing, you had a panic attack and that’s not your fault.” It took everything in you to not star crying again when he said that, though at least this time it would've been because you were touched by his concern and not because you were upset.
     “And second, I should be the one apologizing to you. That street can be really intense if you’re not ready for it, and I should’ve checked with you ahead of time that you were. I never would’ve picked such a crowded spot if I knew that was gonna be an issue for you.”
     You sniffled a little bit, shaking your head as you slowly pulled yourself together. “I-it’s ok, really... Like, normally I can handle crowds and loud noise, but being packed in like that, with everyone bumping into you and all the noise and lights on top of it... that can just be too much for me to handle sometimes, you know?” You watched as Josh nodded along to what you spoke, indicating that he was listening, and knowing that he wasn't going to judge you for how you reacted was helping the residual panic and shame you still felt fade away.
     “And then on top of that, today just like.... kind of sucked, in general. I mean, nothing terrible happened or anything, but it was a whole bunch of little things, one after the other. I totally fucked up making breakfast, my cat threw up on my favorite pair of shoes, I got a parking ticket for a really ridiculous reason, and I have some other work deadlines coming up that’re stressing me out, so I already wasn’t in the best headspace to deal with all of...That tonight.” you gestured your hand back towards the direction of Broadway. 
     "Then when that chick jabbed me in the back it just... snapped something inside me. I-I know it was an accident, and I don’t blame her for what she did, but it honestly startled me so bad, and I just lost it..."
     "I don’t blame you,” he replied sympathetically “That’s entirely too much shit to deal with in a single day.” 
     "And like... I-I know I could’ve asked for a raincheck, but I didn't wanna like, be rude or have you guys think I was blowing you off. Because I didn’t want to blow you guys off! Especially not for something so stupid..."
     "Hey, it's not stupid at all." He replied adamantly, giving your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Those kind of crappy days have a way if wearing you down way harder than you’d think." 
     You let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding as it felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. You’d been so, so worried that Josh was going to be angry, or that he wouldn’t have understood what had happened, as had been the case for you so many times before. His hand began gently rubbing your back again in a soothing motion, and the two of you slipped into silence for a moment, letting the cool breeze coming off of the river wash over you. Even with the music still pounding in the distance, you could hear the sound of the river rushing under you if you listened closely enough, and so you did, finding the sound incredibly soothing. It was almost hypnotizing in a way, and you weren’t sure how much time had passed before Josh spoke again, but when he did, you were a little surprised by what he had to say.
     “I know a couple smaller clubs on the outskirts of the city we could check out next time. They've still got all the good drinks and music, but they aren’t nearly as intense as that one was.” he suggested, flashing you a warm smile.
     “I mean, don’t get me wrong, those definitely sound like my kind of place. But you seriously want me to hang out with you guys again after that whole mess?”
     “Of course! So you had a bad night, it happens to the best of us. We aren’t gonna hold it against you. Besides, why wouldn’t we wanna hang out with someone as awesome as you?”
     You let out a small chuckle,  a smile tugging at the corner of your lips as nervous blush crept onto your cheeks. “Well, I’m not sure about awesome... but I’m glad to know you guys enjoy my company.”
     “What, are you kidding me?” he retorted enthusiastically, his dark eyes sparkling in the dim lights of the bridge. “You’re absolutely awesome! You’re so nice and welcoming to everyone, you’ve got an incredible sense of humor, great taste in music, and you are delightfully weird!” You were glad the lighting on the bridge wasn’t the best where you were standing, because your face was rapidly turning red as he kept showering you with compliments. 
     “Well, thank you.” You replied somewhat shyly, a grin spreading across your face as you found Josh’s good mood infectious, feeling much more at ease now than you had earlier. In a sudden streak of boldness you struck a small pose, with one hand framing your face dramatically. “But what, no mention of my flawless good looks?”
     You were just kidding around, of course, and Josh knew you were too. But even still, you couldn't help but notice the way Josh’s eyes widened and his smile twitched ever so slightly when you said that, or how he seemed to be blushing if the way his cheekbones suddenly appeared darker were anything to go by. 
     “I mean...” he began with a small shrug, his smile downright sheepish at this point “That’s so incredibly obvious that I kinda figured it went without saying. But they’re definitely a bonus!”
     You let out a nervous laugh, feeling your face burn from the sudden rush of blood to it, and you turned to face back towards the river. You couldn’t keep looking at him when he said that, not when he said it while he had his hand on your back, not when he was blushing while he said it, not when he said it so... so earnestly. You pressed into his side a bit more firmly, and you swore you could feel his heart beating faster in his chest.
     “Yeah, well... don’t sell yourself short, you’ve got a face that could give Errol Flynn a run for his money.” you half-teased, nudging him affectionately in the ribs with your elbow. He let out a small chuckle beside you, his arm still firmly wrapped around your shoulder and he gave your arm a soft, affectionate squeeze in return. The two of you said nothing for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company and touch as you both gazed out over the river, watching the lights of the city twinkle and glimmer on it’s dark surface.
     “Is... is it cool if we just stay up here for a little while?” you asked, suddenly feeling very physically tired after this whole ordeal. “I hate to just ditch the others and leave them in that bar, but I honestly don’t think I could handle going back in there tonight.”
     “Oh don’t worry, a bar is the best place we could possibly leave them.” Josh said with a chuckle. “But seriously, we can stay out here as long as you need.” he assured, giving you a firm hug from the side and flashing you a soft, reassuring smile. “We don’t have to go anywhere.”
     A sudden surge of warmth and fatigue washed over you, and you found yourself leaning more heavily into Josh’s frame, which he seemed to welcome, finally letting your head come to rest on his shoulder. Your eyes slipped closed for a second, and you took a deep breath before letting out a soft, contented sigh.
     “Thank you so much for everything you did for me tonight. I seriously can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.” He hummed softly in reply as he leaned back against you, the weight of his cheek suddenly pressing into the top of your head. 
     “Anytime, Y/N. I’ll always have your back.”
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Nagito’s Fluff Alphabet
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Mod Ibuki: Yes!!! Two of Mod Ibuki’s favorite things! Fluff and Nagito! Here you are, Nonnie! I hope you enjoy! Fluff alphabet is from @mod-sonia-writes-stuff
A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?
-Nagito loves being able to just spend time with or around his SO. I feel like one of his favorite things would be quiet dates while cuddling and just enjoying each others company.
-Nagito would love to do quiet activities with his SO like reading outside or going for walks on sunny days.
B eauty- What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?
-....This man you guys.... Nagito would believe every inch of his SO is the most beautiful thing in the universe! Nagito would adore his SO in all of their being.
-If his SO is insecure about something, you’d better believe he’s going to spend the next few hours telling you about how much he adores every bit of you and how your so called “flaws” are really just what make you even more beautiful.
-Although, Nagito is more of one to fall in love with his SO for who they are, rather than what they look like. I think he finds his SO’s kindness to be the most beautiful thing about them.
C omfort- How would they help their S/O when they feel down/have a panic attack?
-Nagito can read his SO like a novel. When he notices them starting to spiral, you’d better believe he’ll be there with his arms open. Nagito has had more than his fair share of panic attacks, so he’s also pretty quick to realize when his SO starts to spiral.
-He starts out by pulling you into his arms and repeating sweet nothings as well as reminders that you are safe.
-After you calm down, he’d ask you if you’d want to talk about it, and he’d hands down be the best listener when it came to needing a listening ear.
-If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s completely fine! Nagito would spend the rest of the day telling you how much he loves you and would probably be watching your comfort shows/movies with you.
D reams- How do they picture their future with their s/o?
-Honestly, Nagito never even would’ve thought he would’ve gotten this far. His luck has blessed him with an angel.
-He’s hesitant about planning ahead too much, because he’s afraid his bad luck will jinx everything.
-But deep down, Nagito would be happy as long as you loved him forever, and he got the chance to love you forever <3
E qual- Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?
-Nagito overall is pretty passive, most of the time he lets his SO make decisions because for a while, he didn’t believe he was good enough to be making decisions.
-It took a lot of love and convincing on your part to remind him that you are equals in your relationship and you wanted his input.
-Even after he brings to make suggestions for date ideas and such, he would always seem to want your approval. Give it to him. Give it to him now
F ight- Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?
-Honestly, fights with Nagito are about as rare as they come.
-I honestly find it hard to believe Nagito would really have true fights with his SO.
-When/if they do fight though, usually it would be about Nagito’s SO trying to help him with his self depreciation.
G rattitude- How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?
- Nagito is beyond grateful for his SO! He’ll let you know every second he gets the chance to as well!
-“SO, I truly am lucky to be graced with your beautiful hope every day”
- Nagito is more than aware of what his SO is doing for him and honestly feels guilty at first. He thinks he doesn’t deserve you, but overtime that insecurity fades
H onesty- Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?
-I think Nagito would be a mostly open book with his SO, although it would take a while for him to open up to them.
- Once he’s comfortable, I believe he would tell his SO just about anything
I nspiration- Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helping them over some personal problems?
-I think we all are aware of Nagito’s self depreciation by now.
- It took a long time, but eventually you were able to help him break this hateful way of thinking.
-Anytime he would say he was trash or unworthy, you would step in with complimenting him instead
-“Are you really sure it’s okay for trash like me to touch you?”
-“Nagito, I think you’re beautiful. And yes, I’m completely sure.”
-The first time you did this he was completely taken aback
-Nagito.exe has stopped working
J ealousy- Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?
-Nagito does get jealous easily, but not in the traditional sense.
-For instance, if he sees his SO spending time or talking with someone else, he goes back to self deprecating.
-When he gets like this, he does one of two things
1) distances himself as much as possible in the current area or
2) Tends to hover or even become clingy
-After the first few times, his SO picks up on his behavior and tries to include him in the conversation or holds his hand while drawing patterns on his palm as reassurance.
K iss- Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?
-Nagito is pretty hesitant at first when it comes to kisses.
-He’s so afraid that he doesn’t deserve you and feels as if he’d be dirtying you in some way at first.
-As for the first kiss, I believe that his SO would have to initiate it.
-This would be his first kiss as well, so he wouldn’t think he would be very experienced, but it’s a good thing luck is on his side because his kisses are always gentle and comforting
-The first few kisses you share are very soft, almost as if your lips are barely touching at all.
-After a while though, he realizes how addicted he is to his SO’s kisses and quickly becomes more comfortable
-He’ll never outright ask for a kiss, however you can usually tell when he wants one.
L ove Confession- How would they confess to their s/o?
- I believe after Nagito allows himself to love you, he would tell you right away
- He would wrap his arms around them and whisper to them about how in love he is with them and the hope that they emit
-You can feel just how fast his heart is beating as he confesses and how it speeds up when you tell him that you love him too
M arriage- Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?
-Nagito has always wanted to get married, but I do believe he would be scared that his luck would get in the way
-It would take some time and a lot of heart-to-heart conversations, but he would eventually ask you to marry him.
-I believe he would propose to you on a pretty relaxed date while doing something you both enjoy
-When married, Nagito would be a stay at home husband because of his illness while his s/o would be at work or whatever they choose.
-Because of Nagito’s wealth, you don’t necessarily need to work if you don’t want to. However, he would be fully supportive of whatever his SO chooses to do.
N icknames- What do they call their s/o?
-You are 100% without a doubt “My Hope”
-Would also call you “Angel”, “My love”, or “My dear”.
O n Cloud Nine- What are they like when they are in love? How do they express their feelings?
-I believe that Nagito would definitely follow his SO and be kinda clingy
-When this boy is w h i p p e d for his SO he is going to follow them around like a puppy
-He also looks at his SO like they are the most precious thing in the world (because, well, to him they are)
-Nagito would be one to wrap his arms around his SO and whisper in their ear about how much they mean to him
-Please play with his hair when he does this
P DA- Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag about their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?
-Oh 100% upfront about his relationship
-When talking to others, he will always find a way to talk about his SO and how wonderful they are with a lovestruck look gracing his features
-When it comes to physical PDA though, it takes a while for Nagito to get comfortable with the idea of it’s something you desire.
-After a while though, is almost always holding your hand or hugging you from behind
Q uirk- Some random ability they have that’s beneficial to the relationship
-Hmm so I believe that his luck combined with his knowledge of romance stories would be very beneficial.
-Nagito swears he knows nothing about relationships but this man is S M O O T H
- Nagito is 100% the guy that would have flowers delivered to your work because they reminded him of you
R omance- How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliche or rather creative?
-Like stated above, Nagito is a hopeless romantic who tends to be more on the cliche side.
-He would quite literally do anything to make his SO happy. Want chocolate and snuggles? Done. Can’t sleep and want to watch a movie? He’s there with your favorite blanket and snack.
S upport- Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?
-Nagito would be supportive of his SO i’m just about anything they set themselves to achieve as long as it doesn’t harm them in some way.
-He will always be there to support and love you no matter what you set your mind to <3
T hrill- Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?
-Leave Nagito’s luck to spice just about anything up. That being said, he prefers to plan things to be pretty simple in the beginning. Sometimes however, his luck can make your plans take quite the unexpected turn
-I believe he would like to have some sort of routine and stay on the calmer side though. Just enjoying being in the presence of his SO is already more than enough for him
U nderstanding- How well do they know their partner?
-Nagito is very good at reading people, his SO is no exception
-Nagito is able to read his SO like a book, and sometimes you’re convinced he knows you better than you know yourself
-He can pick up even the slightest hint of discomfort or unease that you may produce in .5 seconds
V alue- How important is the relationship to them?
-Your relationship means absolutely everything to Nagito. Not a day goes by when he doesn’t think of his SO
-It was his dream to someday be loved, and now that he’s got that, he’s going to hold onto it as best as he can
W ild card- A random fluff headcannon
-Nagito absolutely LOVES playing with his S/O’s hair. Whether he’s simply running his hands through it, or braiding it, he’ll always be content.
-He’s also very good at braiding hair, and if you ask him to braid it, he’ll be there in 10 seconds with a comb and a hair tie.
-He also loves his hair being played with. He’ll fall asleep the quickest with his head on your chest and your fingers running through his fluffy hair.
X OXO- How affectionate are they?
-Nagito is a very affectionate lover. You wouldn’t be able to go a day without knowing how much he loves and appreciates you.
-I personally believe that Nagito’s love language would be physical touch, so he would always want to be close to you any second you have the chance
Y earning- How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?
-Nagito would be very down when missing his SO and I believe he would become even more withdrawn.
-He usually copes by reminiscing about time the two of you have shared and by looking at pictures you two have together
Z eal- Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship?
-I believe Nagito would do just about anything for his SO. As stated before, his relationship means just about everything to him so you’d better believe he’d be willing to go to great lengths for his SO.
-You are his ultimate hope after all <3
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kinomiakai · 3 years
Note
i saw your post about the college headcanons and absolutely loved them!! so i was wondering what are you canonverse sns hcs?
Ahhh thank you so much anon!! I’m so glad you liked it!!! Oooh this is really tough, I tend to keep playing around with canonverse ideas, but specific headcanons…hmmmmm okay okay, I’m going to focus on post-war fun stuff! Here we go:
It takes time. Naruto is over the moon to have Sasuke back but has no idea where to put all of his “I need to get Sasuke back” energy and Sasuke is too scared & tired to want anything at all. Sasuke is closer to admitting it than Naruto is, and on some level, Sasuke’s acknowledged and accepted how he feels. Naruto catches up pretty quick once he realizes that pulling Sasuke back from where he’d been spiralling into hasn’t actually miraculously solved all the ways he feels about him.
Both of them have a big barrier to saying it out loud even after they start to realize things. They stay sort of stuck in the “you’re the most important person in my life. I know you from the inside out. I feel the best when you’re beside me.” and don’t really let themselves touch the implications of that. It all feels too dangerous & they’re fine with physical danger but emotional is a whole different beast.
There’s a LOT of realization moments once they both come to terms with the fact that they’re in love (and have been for a long time). It’s those revisits of your past that you had totally different rationalizations for at the time, but now that you know it suddenly makes so much more sense, like, “oh. that’s why I felt so warm whenever I’d look at him” and “oh. that’s why I hated when he’d ignore me that much”
They feel the closest when they’re sparring. It’s muscle memory, like they never really forgot. It lets them indulge in nostalgia and in each other, and it’s a convenient excuse to move together in movements they have pretty much memorized without having to question why or say anything out loud. It’s comfortable and easy.
Nightmares abound, lots of guilt and sad nights. Naruto tries to stifle his tears because of the whole “it’s only okay to cry when you’re happy” bt and Sasuke challenges every single one of his thoughts until he breaks. Sasuke is full of quiet guilt and regret, and Naruto coaxes him out of it every day. There’s a lot Sasuke doesn’t want to talk about, but Naruto talks for him, and Sasuke feels strangely…settled, after it all. Naruto slowly learns to just find Sasuke and be like “…call me a crybaby already” when he feels it coming on. 
Naruto never wants to blame other people and so Sasuke does it for him. For every thought Naruto has that explains why he should have been good enough, should have been able to do something, Sasuke has twenty for all the adults around him. Naruto really struggles with being able to admit he was mistreated because he turned out fine!! he’s okay!! so what if he was stuck in an apartment alone with barely enough money to survive and no one ever checked on him, they were busy! But if Sasuke talks about his childhood, Naruto’s the first to say it wasn’t right. That someone should have gotten Sasuke out of there. That someone should have done something. And when Sasuke points out that Naruto doesn’t think that about himself, Naruto just says “it’s different. That’s not the same.” Sasuke says something along the lines of “you only think that because it was done to you.”
In that way, they’re good for each other. Sasuke makes Naruto revisit the part of himself that’s angry with the world for how it treated him, and Naruto makes Sasuke revisit the part of himself that wants to believe in people. That loved freely and easily and that let himself feel it all, because everyone was worth that love. 
They live together, somehow. It’s not all the time. It’s not necessarily even in Konoha. But either Naruto is sneaking off to see Sasuke every chance he gets or Sasuke appears in Naruto’s room almost every night. If they’re not together, it’s a mountain of letters back and forth. Once they break the silence between them, it’s like a flood. They can’t stop talking. It feels like their friendship is completely unharmed by so many years apart—it’s just effortless.
The first time they kiss is confusing and amazing because a part of them KNOWS they feel the same, the same way a part of them knew they were in love, but it’s so, so hard to admit. And they both wait for the rejection, for it to be a dream, for it to be too good to be true. That feeling lasts a long, long time.
The rest of the details tend to change from fic to fic, I think, but these headcanons stay pretty strong between them, even if they aren’t explicitly visited. I hope you liked these!!
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hypnomicimagines · 3 years
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Hey there! May I request for headcanons of Doppo, Hifumi, Gentaro and Samatoki with a male s/o who gets alot of attention from girls and the girls always tend to take his attention away and keep him busy? If you're uncomfortable with writing this please ignore it and have a great day!! ^^
Aohitsugi Samatoki:
Samatoki wants to tell these girls so bad that you're fucking a man and they don't have a chance, his spite levels through the roof if you actively ignore him for them. Your boyfriend normally has anger issues but you can tell when the issue is more deep-seated and not his surface-level anger, especially when he gives you the cold shoulder like you do to him when you're surrounded by girls. Samatoki lays it out once he finally gets tired of the lack of confrontation, telling you it's either him or your hoards of women, and that you should at least respect your boyfriend enough to give him the attention he deserved.
Izanami Hifumi:
Hifumi understands perfectly how it is sometimes and his own clients can be quite distracting when you're around, but Hifumi's distraction is because it's his job. If it really starts to bother him he'd begin to whine that you're not giving him enough attention, asking if you're doing this on purpose to make him jealous because maybe you were feeling a little neglected. After explaining the situation more Hifumi gets a better understanding and his negative feelings seem to float away, telling you with a smile he can understand exactly why you were so popular.
Kannonzaka Doppo:
It's a good way for Doppo to start spiraling. Do you even want to be with him? Has he been too busy at work for you? Was this all because he was a terrible boyfriend and you wanted to find someone more stable than he was? You can tell Doppo is in a sour mood but it's like pulling teeth trying to get it out of him; he truly just didn't want to say it out loud as it would make it too real, and if he was overreacting then it was just embarrassing. You'd have to hold your boyfriend in your arms while apologizing, stroking his hair and promising that you really only had eyes for him.
Yumeno Gentaro:
Gentaro keeps his emotion hidden under the surface and he's not easily bothered by many things, but this is something that can be quite annoying in general. Don't think that he wouldn't pull you to the side and away from this group of women, reminding you exactly who it was you were dating. You think jealousy looks good on him with Gentaro letting you know everything looks good on him, giving you a coy look as he tells you to get the show on the road so you could finally return home together.
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Text
What Would An Angel Say, The Devil Wants to Know Part Three (Lena Luthor x Reader)
(Part One) (Part Two)
Summary: Is honor and training worth it?
Words: 1217
Warnings: Violence, language?
A/N: Part 3 because this is the only thing I had inspiration for lmao.
Taglist: @natasharomanoffswife​ @natasha-danvers​ @aaron-despair​ @username23345​ @xjiasx​ @nowthisisliving27​ @higherfurther-romanova​ @summergeezburr​ @marvels-writings​
-X-
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Watching the humans tend to her ward, Lena absently nibbled on her thumb as she stared at the trembling blonde accepting medical treatment. This woman – Kara – was important. Very important, her bosses had stressed, yet she couldn’t help but resent her slightly. If it wasn’t for her, your impending death wouldn’t be hanging over her head like an anvil waiting to drop. If she didn’t die, you would. She was meant to save the world but if you were gone, Lena’s would crumble.
Her training demanded she let you die – to put humanity first – but the nasty feeling twisting about her belly left her questioning everything.
This was all for the greater good…
But could she really sacrifice you?
You, who had apparently let her win? Who had shouldered a punishment no one deserved? Who had warned her in spite of everything?
Tears pricked the corners of Lena’s eyes as your smile overtook her thoughts. How the color of your irises sparkled in the light whenever she told a joke or playfully scolded you for your crass behaviors. The way your laughter echoed in her ears despite having not heard it in so long. How your fingers flexed when you wanted to reach out and touch something desperately, even when you knew you shouldn’t.
Could she go through the rest of eternity without those things? Could she live without you, knowing she could’ve saved you?
She hated the finality of it. Knowing your bosses would have no problems ending your existence, stripping away everything that made you you until you were nothing, merely a soul cast out amongst the others.
Gone. Forever.
“Kara, are you alright?” a collected – albeit slightly concerned – Cat Grant inquired, dragging Lena away from her morbid spiraling.
Nodding, Kara glanced at the metal contraption that had nearly stolen her life, long digits digging into the sleeve of her cardigan. “Y-yes, Ms. Grant, I think so.” She shuddered. “But I think I should probably send my guardian angel a lot of ‘thank you’ thoughts tonight.”
Such heartfelt words would normally strike a chord within Lena but they only earned a broken sigh.
What am I going to do?
-X-
Gaze trained on Lockwood, you warily righted yourself as you studied the slimy demon.
“What? No hello for an old friend?” he mockingly pouted, hand clutching his chest dramatically.
“I’d offer a friend a hello if I saw one,” you replied snidely, eyes narrowing slightly. “But since all I see is you, I think I’ll pass.”
“How hurtful, (Y/N)! My, my, not nearly as friendly, are you? What happened?” His twinkling eyes and seemingly innocuous question left you rearing back, bristling at his sheer audacity.
“I think we both know why,” you hissed, venom dripping from your words. Your glare was deep and threatening but it only served to amuse the smug man.
“Oh.” His eyes flickered over your clothed torso, lingering on the freshest scar healing in the center of your chest like he could see it through your robe. “I guess learning your place must’ve stolen a bit of the spirit, huh?”
A low snarled escaped as you advanced on Lockwood, daring him to keep talking. You weren’t above destroying his wings and tossing him off the building. “What do you want? Besides someone stroking that massively unimpressive ego of yours? I doubt you’re here for fun.”
He shrugged. “Truthfully, I’d prefer you dead but since you’ve given a final chance at redemption, I suppose I’ll have to wait for that.”
“If that’s all, maybe you should get lost but I’m absolutely going to hate disappointing you.” Crossing your arms, you arched a brow expectantly.
Lockwood chuckled humorlessly. “Apologies, but I can’t do that. They’ve sent me here to help you succeed, among other things. I’m your ‘helper’ until this contract is fulfilled.”
“I don’t need your help,” you spat. “I never have and I never will. Anyone stuck with you helping them is doomed to fail.”
“Then it shouldn’t matter that I’m here. If you don’t need me, I’ll simply be a bystander. Watch the ‘master’ in action,” Lockwood sneered, lip curling as he met your dark glare with one of his own. “Even after your “correcting” you’re still a bitch, aren’t you?”
Growling, you shoved Lockwood, sending him stumbling back in surprise. “Keep talking, Lockwood, and I’ll send your soul back to Hell without a fucking body.”
“It’s not my fault you let some angel corrupt your mind. Was she a good lay? Did you at least get a taste before she left you for dead?” he taunted, face inches from yours.
Fury washed over you in waves – at him, at yourself, at her – and your fist met his jaw with a thunderous crack. Another hit met his nose before you tackled him, straddling his waist as you started pounding his head into the rooftop.
“Don’t fucking talk about her like that!” you roared. “You don’t know anything!”
Catching your wrists, he shoved you off and scrambled to his feet, ignoring the pain radiating through his face as he stared guardedly at you. You were one of the best fighters and he…was not. If he wasn’t careful, you could easily overpower him and follow through on your promise.
“Even now you still defend her.” Clicking his tongue disapprovingly, he shook his head. “She twisted and warped your thoughts until you became weak. Made you question your training – your calling – yet you stand here ready to fight for her when we both know she’s going to let you die. This contract is your last chance and she’s already messing with your head.”
You swallowed harshly, trying to ignore the sharp feeling piercing your chest. “She…”
“Is going to let us kill you,” Lockwood finished abruptly, his usual smirk missing as he stared at you, silently pleading for you to listen. “She is going to ruin this and keep the human alive. She’s already done it once – and she’s going to do it again.”
Gritting your teeth, you peered down at your clenched hands. Despite your hatred for him, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was right. She was bound to her duties, strict in keeping order. Your life wasn’t going to matter in the scheme of things; she wasn’t going to shirk her responsibilities just because you might not survive.
“That nice face of hers is going to get you killed,” he warned seriously, tilting his head. “Her words might be flowery and pretty but you’re a demon – her enemy – and she’s going to do anything in her power to keep you from succeeding. You might’ve thought you were friends but all she sees is the contracts she’s going to save as long as you’re buying into her angelic bullshit.”
Lockwood cautiously reached out and squeezed your shoulder.
“If she doesn’t care about you, you shouldn’t care about her. Finish this contract.”
Huffing, you rolled your eyes. “I thought you wanted me dead, Lockwood?”
“I do,” he admitted with a nod, “But I’d prefer to be the one doing it instead of letting some angel get you killed. I guess you deserve an honorable death.”
Smacking his hand off your shoulder, you inhaled deeply and glanced out over National City.
“Fine. Let’s get this done. I’m tired of this fucking city.”
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aseioh · 3 years
Text
Of Stars and Moonlit walks pt.3/?
Chapter 3: Evening with a view ( TRIGGER WARNING: PLEASE NOTE THIS CHAPTER DEALS WITH SUICIDE OF A FAMILY MEMBER. )
Days blur into weeks as life continues to buzz around the Castle. With harvest season fast approaching, Alcina and her daughters has been busy. Thankfully, most of their ‘wine making’ operation is contained in the basement. Donna has never ventured below the castle, and even though she offered to help with their ‘harvest’ Alcina declined good naturedly. After all, the process of creating “Sanguis Virginis” was a family secret -even though all the Lords knew what was inside the wine- still she appreciated the offer.  
Donna herself has been busy with helping Heisenberg in his factory, between this and her own work as Mother Miranda’s chief interrogator for prisoners, she was often left haggard at the end of the day. But beneath the tired feeling, Donna was proud of her work.  
After all she was needed, she wasn’t disposable.      
Donna remembers the first time she entered Heisenberg’s Factory and found it stifling. The metal doors that never seems to open and the constant smell of oil that permeates the air made her want to regurgitate her breakfast.  
‘Heisenberg himself carries the same smell, along with the smoke of his preferred cigar.’ Donna muses as she makes her way to the hidden lift at the side of the front warehouse. The lift itself was a new addition, after Heisenberg noticed Donna’s reaction to the metal doors he graciously installed the one way lift for her.
“A direct access to our workspace! We need to be efficient and what better way than an ‘in and out way’. No need to walk around the factory floor.”  Heisenberg boasted as he revealed it to Donna at the end of their first week working together.
Donna has never been more grateful with her ‘brother’.  
The two of them shared a passion of building things, a trait Mother Miranda noticed early on and took advantage of. Donna with her dolls and Heisenberg with his technical proficiency, the two would always discuss their newest projects after every meeting.  
When Mother Miranda said that she needed to expand her control, and increase their territory Heisenberg volunteered to make her a ‘mechanical army’, and with Donna’s help with in the early stages the plan was going along nicely.
Today had been a rather slow day for the two of them, after the field test of ‘Soldat’ prototype Heisenberg offered a break on their work. Of course, with nothing new on their plate discussions quickly turned to Donna’s stay at the Castle as well as its colorful inhabitants.
“So how’s the stay at the gilded castle?” Heisenberg inquired, as he lazily smoked his cigar, the red dot at the tip reminds Donna of the Soldats central weak point, something they need to remedy if they want the mechanical man to have a chance.
Donna sipping her tea frowns at the question. “Quite fine actually. I wished you would stop teasing Alcina, Karl. One day she’ll get so angry at you that you’ll end up as confetti on the floor”
“ohh, are we having a party Mistress” Angie pipes up from her stool.
“Now, now you know I’m only joking. and Alcina’s too strung up, it’s funny to piss her off. Besides I’m genuinely curious, are they treating you well? No headaches or nightmares? I know you get stress in new environments”  
“I’m fine Karl, Alcina and the girls are lovely. Even Angie is having fun” at that the Doll nods enthusiastically. “As for the headache, its manageable, the herbal tea helps”
“and the last one?”
“Like I said, manageable.” She said with finality
“Right, you know I care about you Donna. If anything happens, you’re more than welcome to stay here. You’re friends are getting antsy sometimes but all is well here. I’m sure they’ll be happy when they know that their Mistress is in the same room as them”  
“Thank you”
“Right enough about that.” Heisenberg extinguishes his cigar and stands up animatedly, walking to the side table with blueprints laying on top, he motions for Donna to follow him.
“So I have this new idea… what do you think if we attach a huge propeller at the head of one of the soldat”
The afternoon at Heisenberg’s factory just became interesting again.
----
In her dreams she wasn’t fast enough.  
It was always the same scenario, her and Mother standing near the viewing docks of the waterfall. The sound was deafening but she can distinctly hear Mother talking and saying that she will always be there for her and urging Donna to run back inside the house.  
Donna turns intending to follow her Mother’s order. She hears a soft “goodbye love” and when she looks back Mother is gone.  
Gone. Gone.
Gone…  
She makes her way at the edge of the viewing dock and looks down…  
---
It was Bela's turn to patrol the corridors of the castle, with the harvest of maidens it isn't uncommon to see one or two of their 'prey’ to try to escape. As she makes her rounds near the guest wing she hears a scream.
 ‘Donna!?’  
Bela hears Donna scream and rushes to the woman's room, thinking that someone had managed to escape and made their way to Donna's room or even worse. Bursting through and seeing there are only embers near the fireplace, Bela was about to light a candle when she was stopped.
"STOP!” Donna and Angie both shouted, the duality of their voices unnerved Bela. Donna was hunched over the bed, her hands shielding her whole face.
“Are you alright Donna?” Bela doesn’t sense anyone is in the room, and she felt her shoulders sag, she didn’t even realized that she was holding her breathe. Getting a better bearing of the room, she understands why Donna stopped her.  ‘Ah, she's not wearing her veil’ quickly turning around the other direction she makes her way to the fireplace and stokes it back to life.
Donna still feeling the effects of the nightmare answers in short burst.  
Bela doesn't know how to react on these situation, usually when one of them does experience nightmares they would just usually walk around the castle to decompress and shake the feeling off. On worst occasion when it was really bad they would knock on their Mother's door to seek comfort.
‘How do you comfort a woman?’  
An idea forms in Bela's mind “Would you like to have a short walk? That usually calms me down when I suffer nightmares” Donna considers the invitation, sensing that Bela will not leave her easily she agrees beside she doesn’t really want to be alone right now. She wouldn't want to worry Alcina if she finds out she had this outburst.
“Yes, I would like that” Adjusting her veil she stands up and makes her way to Bela. “Angie will you stay here. Alcina probably heard that scream, will you tell her that I'm with Bela if she comes by?”
"Yes mistress” Angie agrees and settles by the wingback chair near the fireplace . Donna approaches Bela, touching her shoulder. Sensing that it’s alright to turn around, Bela faces the woman, based on the tensed shoulders and wringing hands in front of her, she makes a bold move and gently takes one of the hands.
"Come, I know the perfect place where we can go.”
‘She has warm hands.’  Donna though looking down on their joined hands. She wonders when the last time someone held her hand this way.  
She comes up empty.  
A quick detour to the kitchen for some tea and Bela leads them to the Castle Garden.
Thankfully, it was a warm night.  
By this point Donna has managed to settle some of the earlier tension she's been feeling. She even managed to smile a little, although her companion cannot see it.  
“I will always be surprised at how big this Castle is. Tell me are you also the one that tended to these plants?” Donna motions to the assorted flowers encircling the garden.  
“Unfortunately not, we have the gardener take care of this area. I'm afraid I cannot tend to them when it becomes too cold.”  
“I see.”
Silence follows, as they made their way to the center of the garden where a small gazebo was located.
“Are you feeling well now?” Bela asked after some time, hoping that the open air and the calm night has settled Donna’s nerve.
“Yes, thank you. You were right the short walk really helped.”
Bela can tell with Donna’s posture that she was still not a 100 percent alright, so she decides to distract the woman with questions. “How did you become one of the Four Lords?” at the question Donna’s head snapped up.
‘Shit!’ Bela blanched further, if that was even possible for her. ‘what the hell kind of a question is that? Mothers’ going to kill me’  
Donna studies the woman in front of her. She weights her options on whether to tell Bela the truth or not.
‘You weren’t fast enough’ the intrusive thought taunts her on.  
“First, do I have your word that what I’m about to tell you here will not leave and that you will not divulge my secret to your sisters?” Donna asked seriously as her voice takes on a lower timbre  
“Yes”  
“My Father was the village doctor and we have always lived at the Beneviento mansion. One day my Mother met an accident when we were out near the waterfall. I say an accident because that was what Father said, Mother slipped while I was turning to go back to the house”
“And the truth?”
“She jumped. I don’t know why and until now I have never learned her reasons, but one moment she was there and next she was just gone.”
‘Gone’ she hated that word and the absence it implies.
“My Father never recovered from the heartbreak, then one day he met an accident and I was left alone. Alone in the truest sense possible. The only one I have left was Angie” Donna pauses trying to catch her herself and willing her mind to not spiral down further.
“There were the house servants and the gardener a nice old man who taught me how to care for my plants, but other than them I was a ghost. Just counting my days, existing without living. Then one day Mother Miranda showed up.” At that, Donna smiled recalling the time that the woman suddenly appeared on the anniversary of her mother’s death.
An Angel with black wing. Or was it the Devil?
“She offered me salvation from my loneliness; she gave me the gift to influence others. The moment I’ve received her power, I gave a little of myself to Angie and I was never alone ever since.” Donna lets her story end. Looking at the young woman in front of her, she was surprised to find tears streaming down Bela’s face.
“I’m sorry, I know it was an upsetting tale-“ Donna starts only to be interrupted by Bela standing up and embracing her.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Bela whispers as she rest her cheeks on Donna’s head “But I hope that you will never feel alone again, Mother’s here, Cassandra and Daniela are here-“
“And you’re here as well” Donna finishes Bela’s sentence
Chuckling “Yes, not to mention, Heisenberg and Moreau. Donna, I swear as long as I’m here you will never feel alone” Bela declares as she tightens her embrace
Donna sinks further into Bela’s embrace and for once, she felt it.
She felt peace.  
The two stayed in the same position for some time, With only the moon and stars as their witness.
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Man I should’ve done V’s route before Ray’s route because doing Ray’s first gave me all sorts of pain with V’s. It’s like someone grabbed my heart and crushed it right in front of me to watch Ray slowly spiral down and become so desperate for MC’s attention and validation. Going as far as to say when MC says they like V, he just goes “I don’t care if I’m second place, I don’t care if I’m last. Please don’t leave me. Hurt me if you need to, don’t go” AAAAAA
V’s route was just painful for me😭 Day 10? Just pain and only pain, like I was sobbing. I literally can’t fathom nor believe that Ray really reached a point to conclude he wasn’t deserving of love and happiness after Mint Eye disbanded. Like he wasn’t deserving of a second chance. It truly did hurt to run away with Saeyoung after saving V. AND THOSE TIMES RAY SND SAEYOUNG WOULD INTERACT IN CHATROOMS?! RAY TELLING SAEYOUNG “Please don’t hack anymore…” AND HE JUST DOESNT KNOW HES TALKING TO HIS BROTHER JUST HURTS. it just makes sense in the way you write VAE Ray as someone a bit more frazzled and easily overwhelmed bc of everything that happened. It just hurts, I only ever want what’s best for this boy. If VAE Ray would let me, I will validate and love him unconditionally for the rest of my life.
But yeah I recently finished V’s route and it broke into my house and beat me up 😔 and Saeyoung finding out Ray “died” was the finishing blow. I knew he was alive bc spoilers, but for some reason I was still grieving?? I’m rambling bc ut was such an emotional experience and maybe if I did V’s route first and then Ray’s my heart wouldn’t feel this demolished.
Yeah, for anyone that can play those routes for the first time now, I would always suggest that you do V first. Even if you don't like him most, it will save you a lot of emotional turmoil if you do his route first. When I was playing, I didn't have that choice because I was playing when those things came out in real time. So, I can definitely understand the emotional turmoil that you're going through right now because it's still haunts me very much to this day.
Can you imagine living through those months before the after ending came out and we didn't know what was going to happen to him? Those were the worst months of my life. I really did think they were going to try to do a narrative foil situation, flipping what happened in the secret ending. Like, V living but Saeran dying instead of him. I'm glad that's not the case, but it was something that did haunt me at the time.
At the very least, you know that Ray is okay and though it will take time... he'll find peace in his heart. Watching what happens emotionally to Saeyoung is the most painful thing. I try not to reply that after ending simply because watching him breakdown hurts me too. I think it's normal to go through this stage of grief even if you know the outcome, because experiencing what happens in that situation in real-time can only hurt you emotionally. I know that I have a hard time listening to the phone call from day 10. There's just so much on that route that is going to hurt you.
In VAE Ray's case, I'm glad that you feel like he feels true to form. There's a reason why he's so skittish and tends to be wary of everything around him. He lost everything and everyone in a matter of seconds and it broke him. He's managed to make sense of his pain but it took a long time to get there. He still has a lot of trauma and a lot of fears that linger inside of him. He's almost always going to be afraid of loud noises and he's going to prefer Solitude at the end of the day. He doesn't think he's worthy enough for anything good, but he lets himself be happy with his brother and V. He may be able to find sense of something in his life, but it's going to take him a while to get there. It's why he's such a fun character to explore after what he went through. At least now you can read the Maid Fic and have context for the pain!
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wh33zy · 3 years
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My Read on Terrorist: the Black Sheep of Junjou Romantica
Tonight, I wanted to do an analysis of the most controversial couple to enter Nakamura’s arena and to make waves in the BL world. I will be analyzing them both separately and then together. Through the scrutiny of all fans alike, they have prevailed and have become one of the healthiest as well as charming couples that Nakamura has created to date. This is all despite the fucked up situation that they’re in.
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So, why were/are they vehemently hated? The main reason I found was because of their seventeen year age gap. As a refresher: Miyagi starts the story at the age of 34 and Shinobu starts at 17, months away from turning 18. Miyagi was more recently divorced from Shinobu’s older sister, Risako, who are both the children of the dean at Mitsuhashi University where Miyagi works as a tenured professor. Upon hearing about Miyagi’s divorce, Shinobu flew back to Japan from studying abroad in Australia in order to pursue him. Through Miyagi trying to get Shinobu to fall out of love with him as well as trying to help get him into college, Miyagi ends up catching feelings for Shinobu. This is where their relationship starts. 
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Takatsuki Shinobu: He isn’t a terribly complex character, but one of the most interesting yet. He still remains quite mysterious, as he won’t share any details about himself unless someone asks, so for likes/dislikes as well as hobbies, I think he has a lot of potential to be even more interesting as the chapters go on. But, we do know that he is incredibly book smart from the way he excels in all of his studies/studied abroad/is bilingual and socially smart with the way he seems to make a lot of friends pretty easily. 
His emotions run incredibly deep, and each one he feels hits him incredibly hard where he can’t help but express it outwardly. He has a pretty aggressive way of doing it too. This is evident by the way he’ll throw a punch if he’s mad (not a serious one) or tackle Miyagi in a hug when he’s really happy. He’s an open book who’ll let you know what he thinks without any fear, no matter who you are. Not only does this make him the peak of direct and straightforward, but this can make him rather intimidating and come even more aggressive than he already does.
He’s a tough guy, doesn’t look it, but he is. He’s a little rough around the edges. I am of the opinion that he was sent to Australia to be tamed but only came back tougher. The Texas of Britain only made him even stronger and this is evident by the way he cowers when he’s fourteen when he’s confronted by three grown men. If adult Shinobu were in the situation, those three men would have their souls snatched. What this paragraph is saying is that Shinobu is the type of person who when thrown to the wolves, he comes back leading the pack. 
He’s also the most ambitious and determined in terms of getting what he wants out of life. If he wants it, Shinobu will try his damnedest to get it with no hesitation. He’s either all in or not at all. At the same time, however, he won’t waste his own time/energy. If it isn’t meant to be, he will completely change course to move on. 
I think this is what separates him from almost all of Nakamura’s characters; when he found out about Miyagi still having feelings for his sensei, he wasn’t willing to wait around. While he did love Miyagi with all he had, he took it upon himself to look out for his own best interests and move on. I think he realizes that love, more specifically with Miyagi, is an amazing luxury and a dream but not a necessity in his life. Shinobu wanted to be someone’s number one and someone to be ride or die for him as well, since he would be the same, so he only accepted Miyagi when became that someone. 
At the same time, Shinobu didn’t force nor want Miyagi to forget about his sensei because he understood that she was an important part of his life. While it does seem like he was acting in desperation, this is why I don’t think it was. Shinobu wanted Miyagi before his sister married him so when the divorce happened, he took his chance to pursue Miyagi, and was ready to back out (more than once!) when it didn’t seem like it would work. 
Here’s the thing that makes him more mortal: he’s kind of insecure. While he does have confidence in his abilities to do anything, he actually worries about what people think of him. He wants to be well-liked, he wants to be someone who people think is great. He also worries a lot about how Miyagi sees him, if he’s too immature and young for him. However, he turns these things into self-improvement instead of wallowing. He constantly works on improving cooking and being more social, smiling more, etc.
At the end of the day, Shinobu has a lot of self respect, a drive to improve, and is very considerate towards others (although it’s not obvious, he is!) and I found him to be pretty mature for someone just entering adulthood. All of the reasons above are why he is one of my favorites and why I find him a force to be reckoned with. 
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Miyagi Yoh: He’s a pretty simple guy: Graduated high school, went to college, found his career, got married (then divorced), is a history buff, and an avid reader. He has pretty traditional leaning values and views and can be a jokester at times. There really isn’t a lot to Miyagi, but I personally don’t think there needs to be. He’s actually the more laid back one in the relationship, although he has his moments where he can be uptight and more reserved. 
He’s a more gentle person and definitely cares about being professional, about the proper ways to go about things. Although he is ambitious when it comes to the important stuff, he can sometimes be quite wishy-washy and unsure of himself. His confidence in his own abilities isn’t terribly high, but he does try his best. He does tend to go with the flow sometimes and struggles with handling difficult situations.
He also has his insecurities that are quite similar to Shinobu: his age and if he good enough. In the manga, you see these come up a lot, since he worries about these things pretty often. It’s why he gets so bothered by Shinobu smiling and getting along with girls his age. He can’t help but worry that maybe Shinobu might want that “normal” life and leave him for it. 
Which brings me to his main problem: anxiety. A lot of Miyagi’s acting out or on impulse stem from harboring a lot of anxiety. He tends to worry a lot about the future, if he’s doing enough, if he’s good enough, Shinobu’s feelings, Shinobu’s well-being, Shinobu’s future, and being left behind again. When he spirals into anxiety for one of these reasons, he tends to shut down and close himself off or act on impulse. 
While it does seem like he has a much better handle on controlling, hiding, and understanding his feelings/emotions, he really fucking doesn’t. What he really does with his feelings is not express them or acknowledge them and hold them in until they explode. I think this stems from the fact that he’s supposed to be the ‘calm and collected adult’, and having to hide his feelings for his sensei when he was with Risako. Now, let’s talk about his sensei for a moment: the sensei I’m referring to is the first women he fell in love with when he was in high school where they had a similar age gap to him and Shinobu now. Sensei was terminally ill and Miyagi helped with some of her care and was also there at the time of her passing. He never seemed to get over her for the next seventeen or so years after that. Miyagi squashed down his grief, so he never really coped or got through it. 
It and the divorce also left him with some abandonment issues which is another explanation why he was so upset when he found out Shinobu was planning to leave and went after him even though it collided with him not wanted to acknowledge his feelings. This also explains his jealousy when he sees Shinobu acting cheerfully with others; he’s afraid of being left behind again. 
So, I can confidently say that Miyagi doesn’t like dealing with his emotions and maybe doesn’t know how to. He’s also not confident in how he should go about them. This is especially prominent in the way that he’s not sure when/if he should be affectionate with Shinobu. He worries about the timing of it, what if Shinobu isn’t in the mood, if he should bother Shinobu with it in the first place, etc. This caused him to not really take any initiative in their relationship for a while until he realized it (with Shinobu’s help of course) and worked on it to improve. 
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The Relationship: So, ironically, although they have the most problematic and drama inducing set up, they are the healthiest couple yet. They are healthier than the main couple on the cover (I have yet to see Romantica be as open with each other as they are but Romantica is on their way)! Of course, they’re not at Mistake level...yet. 
Whatever problems in their relationship, insecurities, inner most feelings, and needs are discussed. They are both big on communication, and have been irritated when one of them isn’t talking. They also don’t hide their feelings or issues from each other, so their level of understanding one another’s points of view is pretty high. If there’s something wrong, they talk it out and it’s solved by the end of the chapter. Showing affection also is not a big deal in the sense that no one is too embarrassed or too desperate. They can hug and kiss casually without it being a big thing. They never have to wonder if they’re wanted by each other and they make it obvious that they care. They also make an effort to spend time with each other and plan dates. They also are interested and invested in each other’s lives/interests. They are just plain sweet on one another.
Terrorist is what the title suggests: Pure Romance. 
But all of this is ignored, these two barely given a chance by a lot of fans because of their age gap. Because an almost middle aged man is dating his ex-wife’s younger brother which is the ultimate betrayal by a sibling and an ex. Which, I understand! I totally don’t blame someone for being uncomfortable with this sort of thing and it turning them off! But, don’t hate on them and then in the same breath uplift Egoist/Minimum or Nostalgia when they WISH they could be half as functional and sweet as Terrorist is. 
And that is the darjeeling!
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