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keepingitformyself · 4 months

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we might just get away with it (ii)

AN: i’m so sorry for the delay on this second chapter, i got really caught up with uni stuff and then some personal projects i’ve been working on. anyways i have about a month off and will do my best to catch up on this story! hope u guys enjoy this one….happy holidays!

synopsis: hollywood is a tricky place for someone new like you, a certain elusive redhead is hoping for you to let her in.

pairings: writer!natasha romanoff x youngactress!reader

genre: fluff.

warnings: natalie is lowkey a mastermind. rumored romance with another certain actress…..

please do not repost my work anywhere for any reason at all. if you do see this happen to any of my stories, please let me know. thank you x.

3 weeks later.

new york is everything you love, put into one city. you thrive in it’s anonymity, ironically.

it’s got the strong sense of culture, the food, the creativity, and the people. like every single person who walks the streets is made to belong there, they all have their purpose for making new york what it is.

that’s what you think as you’re sat outside a coffee shop on 463 w broadway.

you make a note of how one day you’ll commit to living here. you also make note of just how reckless it’d be if you just up and left la then never went back. you hate la, you’ve come to find out. yet there’s so much that keeps you there. you hate it. you don’t belong there. but in some sense of the word, you do.

you sigh with the shake of your head, adjust the cap securely on your head, and tighten the large overcoat you have on. the latte in front of you seeming more interesting now. the still hot liquid distracts you from the intrusive thoughts.

your mind drifts off to natalie. you’re immediately taken back to that night at the party. it’s your first time thinking of that night in weeks. and you realize how you truly haven’t felt the way you did that night, since. you remember the conversations you had, you remember how she went to school at nyu, how she told you she hasn’t left new york since. how she never plans to.

you wonder how she’s doing, if she’s in the city. if she remembers you, or has even thought of you.

it makes you a little sad to think about. your life hasn’t slowed down since the release of the series and sometimes all you wanted was to find some small relief in it all. even with the short-lived moments of connection it feels odd to come back from something like that and move on with your life.

your thought is cut short with a text message from samantha.

greta decided to move the meeting a little earlier. she apologizes for the last minute change. can you be there in the next 30 minutes?

you text a quick reply saying that you’ll be there as soon as you can. with that, you grab your to go cup and find the nearest subway that’ll take you up to 19th street.

you make it there just within the thirty minute mark. a kind man waits for you to arrive at the door and leads you up the elevator to the fourth floor of the walk up.

you’re surprised to see who is seated next to greta when you walk in.

“oh good, you made it! let me introduce you to—” you cut her off.

“—natalie.”

the redhead stands from her seat at the table and reaches over it to shake your hand.

“it’s a pleasure we meet again.” her eyes say something different. not bad necessarily, but something more. you’re not sure what it might be. greta’s eyes light up at the gesture.

“oh you’ve met! well, natalie here is gonna be joining us as head writer right besides me and noah for the next season.”

it’s your turn for your eyes to light up. a sense of relief floods through you. natalie isn’t here just to be here, she was here to be part of something with you.

you turn to her with a genuine smile. though you’ve worked with the people in this room for over a year, natalie is drastically different to them.

natalie was the first person who spoke to you as if you were just you. she didn’t bother you about work and stuff.

she talked to you about things that interested you, that interested her. she talked to you like you were just another individual who happened to be at the same party she was at.

“that’s- that’s actually really good to hear. i’m really excited for how this’ll turn out.”you let out a laugh, one that says you’re still trying to comprehend the news.

“right well, let’s get the meeting started!” greta claps her hands together and sits down.

——

natalie hasn’t stopped staring at you since the meeting started.

she hopes you’re as interested in the meeting as you look, because then at least she’d be sure you haven’t figured out her staring problem.

she only catches your eyes whenever greta or noah turn the attention towards her, then you’re forced to look at her. but she’s always just in time to look away before you can notice the stares.

the truth is, natalie is an absolute maniac. she’s a psychopath. she’s a writer for gods sake!

writers have a tendency to be more in sync with their awareness which is great…but they’re also more able to get in touch with that darker side in their psyche. how else do you think she managed to snag a few award-winning films under her belt?

her creativity reaches into places in her mind most wouldn’t even consider to think of.

point is, natalie is a huge romanticist, and it’s a problem. sometimes.

in her defense, greta came up to her for this job. so in some sense of the word, it was fate. plus, tony had put in a good word, not that she asked him to. obviously.

up until that point, natalie had no clue on how to get to you. her only idea was writing her next screenplay and giving you the lead.

but now, the ball was in her court. she takes the next shot.

the meeting ended and everyone was seeing themselves out. natalie thinks of what to say while she’s packing her things but you beat her to it instead.

“it was really nice to see you again.” she hears you say. she lifts her head up, you’re smiling and your hands are stuffed into your coat pockets. a smile easily reaches her eyes at the sight.

“i’m glad. i’ve already got some plans for where i want to take this next season.” natalie replies with an enthusiastic smile.

you raise your eyebrows in surprise eager to know what she might have to say but you hold yourself back. she wouldn’t spoil that for you, even if you asked.

“i have trust you’ll do it right then, i’ve already grown so protective of this show, especially my character.” it was very true. there were moments where you really had to oversee things going on with the script. thank god greta was as collaborative as she is. you’d always try exploring things with your character and she was always very supportive of where you’d take things. it made the series all the more fulfilling to you, honestly.

natalie confirms that she’ll do anything she thinks is in your best interest for the show and before she even realizes it, you’re making a move she wasn’t expecting.

“i know this is on short notice, but…i saw this really nice bistro on my way here and, i’d love to get to know my head writer more…over brunch?” you ask timidly. the thought to ask her had occurred to you only a few seconds ago. natalie seemed wise, and you liked it and she was here with you now and honestly, you just wanted some good company while being in the city.

“yeah i can do lunch. yeah that’s great actually.” natalie was surprised. to say the least. she hadn’t planned to continue the day with you. she decides this was her chance in. her way of getting to know you better, something she’s been desperate to get back to since she realized it that night in her home.

you lead her out of the building where you’re met with the crisp wind of new york city. car horns and police sirens are heard as you walk through the streets of the flatiron neighborhood. on the way to the restaurant you ask eachother how you’ve been.

you tell her about how you just wrapped up your press tour in europe and had spent a few nights with some friends in london. natalie pays close attention to every word that is hung from your lips. she notices to light blush that covers your cheeks and nose due to the cold and she almost reaches out to pull you in closer.

as you speak, she tries not to notice the obvious man with the camera that makes himself known a few hundred feet away from you. a sense of pride makes washes over her at the fact that there’d be a picture taken of the two of you, together.

you end your story and in return ask her how she’s been. natalie doesn’t miss the genuine interest shown in your eyes as she talks.

even as you reach the restaurant and are seated you never lose your sense.

natalie talks and talks and you listen. you’re so entranced by her stories that you’ve come to find that you deeply admire her for what she does and says. it makes you feel all the more excited for the chance at working with her.

she tells you she’s never not writing. even before greta came along to offer her the role of head writer, she was still writing. natalie tells you about the screenplay she was working on, how she plans to direct it as well.

you beam at her revelation seeming genuinely excited at the fact that she’d be making a movie sometime in the future. you tell her that she better invite you to the premiere.

natalie laughs off your comment. she doesn’t tell you how she got back into her writing after she saw you on her screen for the first time, all those months ago.

or how you’re the muse in her next story.

once your ordered food comes in you sit in a comfortable silence as you eat.

“what do you do on your days off?” natalie asks suddenly. she looks up at you through her lashes, her fork playing with the baked eggs on her plate.

you’re so caught off guard by her question it makes you blush at the way she stares you down. you chew down the food in your mouth and answer.

“uh, i like going home, to see my mom. she doesn’t let me stay for more than i need to though, she says i need to go out and meet new people.” you chuckle. your mom was your biggest supporter but also your biggest critic. although she always enjoys her time with you, she was always telling you to go meet with some of your hometown friends.

it’s why you liked going home so much. she’s great at grounding you when you need to be.

“oh? and have you met any new people?” natalie’s interest is piqued by now. she carefully treads around the question, hoping, wishing for any information that’d give her an in into what she desperately wants to know.

who are you with when you’re not alone? who do you think of when you are?

“i mean, i’ve met some really cool people through mutual friends." you reveal.

“wow, so you haven’t met anyone you fancy?” natalie plays it off coolly. she treads along the sacredness that is your romances. and natalie doesn’t mention the fact that she’s read into your love life recently. the rumors of you and another actress.

the one you were pictured with in london very recently.

“huh? oh, no. i don’t really have anyone like that in my life right now.” you nervously chuckle at her question.

“so you and that actress aren’t a couple? you and jenna ortega?” natalie feeds a forkful of food into her mouth, seeming very nonchalant about what she just asked.

you try not to laugh at natalie’s question. your eyebrows raise in surprise at her very forward question. it’s almost comical, really.

jenna was amongst the close group of friends you stayed with while in london.

she was a flame, someone you’d come to deeply admire over the time spent knowing her. she tells you things that you learn from, you check on eachother, you bring eachother back down to earth.

and she was one of the few people you could actually depend on with your life in this industry.

the silent shock wears off. you’re not sure what to say, except the fact that you feel a little embarrassed at her question. that even natalie of all people had heard about your supposed love life.

something that you tried to keep nurtured as much as possible.

“she’s one of my best friends.” you finally say. more sure than anything. you try not to laugh at the accusation. the idea of it seeming so far away from where you are now.

“i haven’t even dated in such a long time.” you even go as far to say. anything to make it clear you’re nowhere near any level of romance with anyone.

you miss the look of surprise on natalie’s face when you say this. she sets her fork down to sip from the breakfast martini she had ordered. she sets her glass down and takes a look at you, leaning forward only slightly.

“i was so sure someone as pretty as you wouldn’t have stayed single for so long.” then she looks down at her plate with a small smile, contemplating. there’s a beat of silence.

finally, she looks up.

“can’t say i’m disappointed at being proved wrong though.” she finishes.

you laugh at natalie’s comment. it’s all you could do, not really sure at what she could be getting at. you even blush a little.

and natalie misses none of it.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow #black widow x reader #marvel

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queenofcoquette · 4 months

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making the holidays feel magical

introduction:

hi loves! i want to talk about how to make the holiday season feel magical! i'm mainly talking about christmas-related stuff since that's the holiday i celebrate this time of year, and i'm not really aware of traditions for other holidays. anyways, this can apply to you even if you don't celebrate christmas, just general stuff on how to have fun this season :)

why does christmas feel different?

i've seen so many people expressing how Christmas just isn't the same as when they were a kid, and it stopped feeling magical. i think that has to do with not being a kid anymore, for ppl with healthy childhoods they spent their childhood being unaware of problems in the world and things like that. also when ur not a kid there's stress from school, or work. pretty much if ur stressed year-round, the stress isn't going to go away during the holiday season, unfortunately.

making it fun:

play christmas music while studying/doing schoolwork. i've been doing a lot of studying lately for exams, and an easy way to make it feel festive is to have a cup of hot chocolate and some festive music in the background.

decorate. just adding extra lights, or paper snowflakes to your room can be super fun!

practice gratitude. this should be a year-round thing, but especially right now practice gratitude everyday. before bed reflect on everything you have and the little things in your life.

give back. this sort of connects with my last point. help other people- maybe donate clothes you don't wear anymore or that don't fit, donate cans to a food bank, etc.

find easy crafts to do. at the end of my english class we made paper snowflakes and it was super fun. just find some easy crafts you can do in your free time, put on some good music, and have fun.

bake!

do self care. bubble baths can be pretty fun, face masks, just relaxing and watching christmas movies.

watch christmas movies.

talk to old friends/relatives.

conclusion:

i hope you all have a wonderful winter being safe, happy and healthy. if you celebrate Christmas then i hope it feels magical- even if it doesn't feel the same as when you were a kid, i hope it still is fun and enjoyable. love u guys :)

also i'm going to visit some relatives on the 22nd so i'm not going to be posting during Christmas or really until new years, so i'll see u all in 2024!

#self improvement #self care #that girl #that girl 2023 #coquette #pink pilates princess #it girl #healthy habits #queenofcoquette

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doudouneverte · 8 months

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heyy, loved ur lena fic!

can u write felicitas rauch x reader where they are long distance girlfriends and feli is really insecure because she thinks that r would be better with another woman (maybe a teammate, that people think she's dating), and r says something like "i don't want easier, i want you"?

with a happy ending, please.

a/n: Thank you, I hope you will like this a/n2: I love Feli and Wolfsburg players but I need to tell you that I support Bayern Munich (but the VfL is a very good team to see play. p.s I love Ewa Pajor)

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Only you

*not my GIF*

Pairing: Felicitas Rauch x Fem!Reader; Erin Cuthberth x Fem!Reader (best friend)

Summary: Based on the request above

Type: hurt/comfort

Warning: insecure Feli, and maybe me who love a little too much write arguments

word count: 3237

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Feli would never call herself a jealous person, and honestly, it was true, but let's just say that she had her doubts and insecurities like anyone.

You met the German defender one day when your parents moved to Berlin for work. There you joined the Turbine Potsdam, where she was starting her professional career, and you also met one of your best friends, Lia Walti. Being only two years younger than the defender helped you quickly bond with her, and after a few seasons with her, you asked her out, and you were on cloud nine when she said yes. After more dates, she became your girlfriend, and nothing has been the same since. Well, not really; you decided to keep your relationships private except for your two families and close friends; nobody knew, and that was like that even after you moved back to England.

In 2018, you signed a contract with Chelsea, a new adventure for you, and of course, your girlfriend was supportive of your decision. Until now, everything was perfect for you two. Even if you faced Wolfsburg in the Champions League in 2020 after Feli joined the Wolves, nothing could make you happier than being with your favorite German player.

Well, that was until lately. It was not a big deal since your first step in the club became a habit for the fan to see you and Erin Cutberth together. You were the same age, and you played rather near each other on the pitch, so it was logical that you would bond with her. And honestly, Feli thought the same thing at first too. And it wasn't like your relationship changed since you didn't play together anymore; you still spent your holidays with her and her family in Germany, and sometimes it was her who came to England to see you. The few people aware of your relationship with the defender agreed with the same idea: you were clearly one of these cute, powerful couples, and sometimes Lia teased you about how much you missed her and how you seemed desperate when you were both busy and couldn't see each other often. But honestly, it was not easy for you to not miss her; she has always been the reason you felt so peaceful in her home country since your first meeting.

You loved anything about her, from her biggest quality to her little flaws (even if you still tell her that she's perfect); you loved how she laughed every time you made a silly joke; how cute she was when you told her a random fact you learned on the internet; or when you told her about the book you read on the plane to Germany. You also loved how she touched you, the little thing she made only for you when you slept at hers, or how she looked like you hung the moon almost every time you two were in the same room. Sometimes you wonder how the fans didn't put the pieces together. Of course you were never reckless in public; she was the one who proposed to have a private relationship, and obviously you accepted even if you felt the need to scream to the world that this perfect woman was yours and you were hers.

This night, you were lying on your couch watching TV when your phone rang on the coffee table. When you saw who called, you immediately accepted the call with a big smile on your face. "Hi darling, how are you?" you asked.

"Hi leibing (darling), I'm good, and you? I know that's late and you had a game, but I just wanted to hear your voice. I hope I don't bother you." Your girlfriend replied.

"Of course not; I was just about to go to bed, but I wanted to hear your voice before," you said, standing up and turning off the TV before heading into your bedroom. "How was your day?" You knew that she had a day off today because she played the day before, and she told you she would spend the day with some teammates.

"It was very good..." And then she started to tell you about her day, and you listened until she noticed you were ready to pass out. "Hey, it's okay, baby; you can sleep; we will talk tomorrow."

"I'm not tired." You mumbled, trying to stay awake.

"Yeah, sure." She said sarcastically.

"Ich liebe dich (I love you)" You said finally accepting to let your body rest.

"I love you too, meine Liebe (my love)" She blowed you a kiss that you reciprocated before hanging up.

The next day, like promised, you had a morning call with your girlfriend; she continued her story, and you were very attentive to any details until you saw a text from one of your teammates. Noticing a little change in your expression, Feli couldn't stop her curiosity.

"What's funny?" She asked.

"Oh nothing, Erin just tag me on Instagram. I think it's photos from yesterday's game." You replied.

"Oh, I see." The defender spoke casually, and you didn't notice the little change in her voice. The phone call ended only a half hour later, letting the German defender alone with her thoughts, and that resulted in her opening Instagram and rushing to see Erin's new post.

Like you said, it was photos from the previous game, which meant some pics with teammates, and it was okay until she found the one where you were tagged on. It was just a picture of her and you a little close (maybe too close for her) and laughing at something. Yeah, nothing special, but things went wrong when she opened the comments. A wave of comments like 'best team' or 'look at their smiles' for your girlfriend it was okay; you didn't really have control over what fans could say, but when she saw Zecira commenting 'best work wives' something snapped in her.

And the worst part was when she saw some teammates agreeing and you teased them instead of disagreeing. We're not going to lie, at this moment the defender was less than happy about that, but she knew you; you loved to tease people, and it was not like fans would misinterpret something like this...'best couple in my book'. Okay, now she had a good reason to freak out; even if it was a lonely comment, it was liked by too many people. Fortunately, she didn't have too much time to think about it because she needed to get ready for training.

At the training, everyone noticed that she didn't perform like she should; she seemed worried about something, but no one understood why. Despite her teammates worries, Feli didn't tell them anything; it's not that she didn't trust them; she just thought that it was childish of her to be jealous of your best friend. But some questions were stuck in her mind even if she wanted to focus on football, and that was evident the next weekend. Unfortunately for her, it was a game against Bayern Munich, and she knew she wasn't at 100%. And it showed on the pitch; Wolfsburg lost 1-0.

Later this evening, you called her a little preoccupied by her state and how she seemed absent during the game. "Hi honey, how are you?" You greeted her with a big smile, but she didn't reciprocate it. "Feli, are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, don't worry. I'm just overwhelmed by some thoughts recently." She replied shyly.

"Okay, do you want me to let you sleep, or do you want to talk about it?" You asked.

"No, it's okay; I want to talk, but not about it, at least not tonight, please."

"Yeah, okay. But you know that you can talk to me whenever you want; I'll always be here for you."

"I know; thank you, Y/n, but not tonight, please." You frowned when you heard her call you by your name; it was not really a good thing when she called you like that.

"Sorry. Uh, I bought you something today; don't move." You got up from your bed and ran to get a bag. "Here, look at this; aren't they cute?" You asked her showing off a few shirts and a sweat. "I know you told me to stop buying you stuff, but I also know that you loved when I let my sweat at your home, so I brought this."

"You know that I love your clothes just because they smell like you, so I like this, but..." She stopped when you left the bed again and quickly came back.

"I know that, so," you said, taking your perfume and starting to spray the clothes, making her laugh. "Yes, I did it." You announced proudly.

"what?"

"I make you smile. I knew that you would be sad after the game, but when you took so long to respond to my text and didn't smile when I called you, I started to worry." You confessed, making Feli feel a little ashamed to let her thoughts make you worry.

"I'm sorry, meine Liebe. I promise I'll work on what's bothering me." She reassured you.

"I hope so because Svenja called me two days ago and said that you were not really yourself at training." Your girlfriend rolled her eyes; of course her captain would tell you that. "Hey, I know that you don't like when I'm worried about you, but I'm your girlfriend, Feli. I want to know when you don't feel good; I shouldn't have to wait until someone else tells me."

"It's nothing, Y/n." She said a little irritated by the conversation.

"And you continue."

"What do you mean?"

"It's the second time you've called me Y/n tonight. I don't know what's happening, but if I did something that didn't please you, I'm sorry."

"Not everything is about you." She said more angrily than she wanted. "Can't you just stop?"

"Sorry to be a careful girlfriend who tries to support you." You replied with an angry tone now.

"Oh, now you remember that you're my girlfriend? It's a little late for that."

"What--what do you mean?"

"Nevermind. I'm tired. Good night." She didn't let you reply before she hung up.

In your bedroom, you were confused, sad, angry, and hurt at the same time. You didn't like what you felt at this moment, but despite the need to call her back, you decided to give her some space. Since you two started to date, it was very unusual that you'd raise your voice against each other, and it was even more exceptional when you two argued. Tonight you tried to sleep with a bad feeling in your heart and some tears running down your face.

In Germany, Felica was also feeling bad. She knew that with that argument, she just broke two important rules for the both of you. First, never argue before one of you has to play, and you still had a game against Manchester City the next day. Second, never sleep angry at each other. She messed up; she knew that, but she promised herself that she would try to make up for it as soon as possible.

The next day, you were one of the first ones on the bus to Manchester. You sat against the window, tired because of your lack of sleep the previous night. You spiraled almost all the night before your body gave up around 4 a.m.When you woke up, you checked your phone, but Feli didn't text you, making you start the day at your lowest.

The other players gradually filled the seats, and like usual, Erin sat next to you, but when you kept spacing out and didn't notice her presence, she started to worry a little. "Hey, Y/n/n, are you okay?" She asked, placing her hand on your shoulder.

You snapped back to reality, making a little noise of surprise. "Yeah, sorry, I just didn't sleep well last night." And it was in this state that you played against Manchester City; of course, you were subbed off at the start of the second half when Emma realized that you were not in your best form to play the whole ninety minutes.

Back in London, you first thought of taking a shower and sleeping, but you needed to change your plans when, after your shower, you saw a text from Erin asking you if you were okay. You replied yes, but she continued to worry, and you finished by calling her and talking about last night.

The next day in Germany, Feli was training, but again, she wasn't herself, and that was because she spent the entire Sunday thinking about you. She watched your game; she saw that you seemed tired even before the game started, and deep in her, she knew it was because of her. At the end of the training, she pulled Alex and Svenja away from the rest of the group and the two girls.

"You fucked up, right?" Svenja asked, and your girlfriend nodded.

"But how do you know?" She asked.

"Because last night AKB called me, and even if Y/n didn't tell her anything, it was obvious that you two argued before her game. And according to how she played and how she seemed rather sad on the pitch, I concluded that you fucked up." Now the defender felt a little embarrassed; was it so obvious?

"Listen, we don't want to act like everything is your fault because we know it's not. It's just that we know sometimes you can be insecure, and it's okay; it's totally normal, but you shouldn't let your insecurities take over. You know that Y/n loves you more than anyone, and we know that too. Everybody who once saw you together knows how much you mean for each other." Alex said this time. "We don't know what she did, and we don't want to interfere in your relationship, but I think that you should let her explain whatever she did." The striker added, leaving the defender speechless and processing everything.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm sure she would forgive you; she can't live without you." The short captain said.

For you, the day was more calm. You texted your girlfriend, hoping that she would reply before the end of the day. After you spent the rest of your day with some teammates, you talked about your next game, which would be the second leg of the Champions League quarterfinal against Lyon. Even if you won the first game, you knew that you couldn't underestimate them.

Because of the preparation for the Champions League, you and Feli haven't talked since the last call. You were both busy, of course, but you also didn't want to argue again before a big game like this.

It should be okay after that. Feli wanted to apologize, but again her insecurities won when, after your game, she saw some posts about it and, more importantly, yours, particularly a picture with the Scottish midfielder. You were close; someone could misinterpret anything with how you looked at your teammates. Your girlfriend told herself that you were just overwhelmed by your emotions after knocking out the best team in Europe, but the fan's comments and the little red heart left in the comment section of your post by Erin broke something in her.

The night you waited for her to text you, but nothing came; you called, but she never picked up; you tried to text her, but nothing. The next day, it was her match against PSG; you watched it and couldn't help but feel bad about your situation with your girlfriend. So after the game, an idea popped into your head. The weekend you played against Aston Villa After coming back home, you took a quick shower and ordered a cab to the Eurostar. More than 10 hours later, you finally reached your destination. You were lucky that Wolfsburg played their last game at home.

It was early in the morning when Feli heard someone ring the doorbell. She groaned and was ready to send back whoever was there, but she froze when she opened the door. "Hey," you said when you noticed that she was too confused to talk. "Can I come in?" you asked, and without saying anything, she just nodded and stepped aside. "I miss this place," you said when you entered the house. A few seconds later, you were greeted by your girlfriend's dog. "Oh, little angel, I missed you," you cooed.

The German seemed to come back to her senses after a moment; she cleared her throat, gaining your attention. "Uh, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"I'm doing what should have been done earlier," you said, walking to the living room, followed by the defender.

"Wich is?"

"Feli, do you love me?" You asked ignoring her question on purpose.

"Wait what? Of course I love you." She said while sitting beside you. "What makes you think that I don't love you?"

"Because of the last few weeks. You and I acted like we didn't know each other. I texted you, and you didn't even read them." You cupped her face and forced her to look at you. "Tell me honestly. What did I do to make you act like that?" You asked, and she saw the tears in your eyes.

She sighed and took your hand. "You didn't do anything. Well, not you."

"Then who?" You asked, but she didn't reply; she just looked at her feet, a little ashamed.

"Nevermind, it's silly." She declared before standing up.

"No, it's not, Feli. If something bothers you, then it's bothering me too."

"Dann sagen Sie ihnen (Then tell them)." She told you, making you confused.

"Who?"

"Everyone. The fan, your teammates...Erin." The name of your best friend confused you more.

"What do you mean, meine Liebe?" But you didn't wait for her response until you reached her and were engulfed in her tight hug.

"I saw the comments," she admitted, sobbing on your shoulder.

"I'm sorry, my love." You placed your hand on her chin, making her look at you. "Hey, look, I know what people think, but they're wrong, you hear me? I love you, Felicitas, and nothing can change this. I don't care what other people think; I don't want the easy way; I want you, and only you."

She looked at you with glossy eyes and a light smile.

"I'm sorry that you ever felt like I would let you. I love you too much for that." You added. She wipped her tears before colliding her lips with yours. "God, I missed those lips," you said after she pulled away. "Now can we go cuddle because I'm a little tired of the trip?" She nodded, and you followed her.

In the bedroom, you were on her bed, cuddling as if it were the last time. "I'm sorry." she said quietly, trying not to break the atmosphere.

"For what?"

"I should tell you about that instead of giving you the silent treatment."

"Don't worry, it's okay. Just the next time, I want you to talk to me about that and anything else that could bother you."

"I promise I will." She said this before kissing your head. "Sleep, my love; I'll be there when you wake up."

"Feli?"

"Hmmm?"

"Ich liebe dich"

"I love you too, meine Liebe."

#woso x reader #woso fanfics #felicitas rauch #feli rauch #felicitas rauch x reader #feli rauch x reader #vfl wolfsburg women #vfl wolfsburg women x reader #vfl wolfsburg frauen #chelsea women x reader #erin cuthbert #erin cuthbert x reader

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josefavomjaaga · 4 months

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Hi Josefa I hope u're doing well and I hope u had a great holiday season!!! c:

I was wondering if you could tell me anything about Eugène in relation to Jerôme Bonaparte? Since they are quite close in age with Jerôme being younger, I was wondering if they had any relationship to one another, and what they thought of each other. I remember hearing about Jerôme being jealous of Eugène for what he perceived as "receiving special treatment" and being prioritized over him by Napoleon, but there weren't any specific sources linked to this statement and I don't know if there is any credence to it 🤔, Yaggy recommended that I should ask u about it because u know a lot about Eugène ^-^

Thank you, @flowwochair, and all best wishes to you, too. May 2024 have nothing but flowers for you!

Your question reminds me of the looong list of unanswered Asks! in my inbox, and that one of my new year's resolutions was to finally get to them. What can I say? I've never been good with that resolution thingie.

Might as well start with yours.

From what I have read, Jérôme Bonaparte and Eugène Beauharnais originally got along rather fine. They actually went to the same school for some time, the "Collège des Irlandais", and it's quite likely that Bonaparte sent his younger brother to this institution because Josephine's son was also there.

If you remember the timeline for Jérôme's naval career that I once put together for you (please scroll way, way down, it's in one of the reblogs 😊), the author also said a bit about Jérôme's school education. Apparently the two boys, Eugène 15 and Jérôme 12 years old, both lived in that boarding school from January 1796 to April 1797. That means, during the time when both Jérôme's older brother Napoleon and Eugène's mother Josephine were away in Italy.

With regards to Jérôme, I feel like it's also interesting to note that when Joseph and Napoleon left for France in 1779, the three youngest Bonaparte siblings Pauline, Caroline and Jérôme had not even been born yet. And Carlo died a short time after Jérôme's birth. I'm pretty sure the two older brothers felt more like father figures with regards to these siblings.

So, Eugène and Jérôme both had Napoleon as the not-quite-father in their life.

Françoise de Bernardy in her biography of Eugène cites a long letter from Jérôme to Eugène from 26 December 1796, that shows him in best spirits, mentions Eugène's sister Hortense and seems to indicate that the teenagers all got along quite well. Among other things, Jérôme mentions yet another quarrel between the Talliens, informs Eugène that Barras and Carnot expect both Jérôme and Eugène to dine with them despite Madame Campan giving a ball that day, and then goes on bragging about how he had been given a laurel crown by generals and politicians, was put on a table and embraced and applauded by everyone. (And if this happened at Barras', I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.)

According to Bernardy, Jérôme is already "the genuine rascal" that he would later be. Though I would like to put this in perspective, because Eugène at the time also seems to have had everything in mind but school lessons and homework, and according to the memoirs of Arnault, he even was a particularly bad and "stupid" student who drove his teachers to despair. It seems that, at this time, they both were two very charming and very spoilt brats, mostly concerned with girls, hunting trips and being flattered by people who wanted to get in the good graces of general Bonaparte. Jérôme, despite being so much younger, also already comes across as more confident and assertive than docile, polite and often insecure Eugène.

This may already be the main difference between them: Eugène, due to his innate desire to please and to gain the recognition of his new stepfather, will change his ways as soon as he becomes Napoleon's aide de camp and joins him in Italy (July 1797). Jérôme will always only do what Jérôme wants. (And to be honest, I kinda love him for that. Jérôme will always find a way to be a pain in Napoleon's imperial ass.)

I remember hearing about Jerôme being jealous of Eugène for what he perceived as "receiving special treatment" and being prioritized over him by Napoleon

I do not really remember anything about that (but then again, I've only read up on Eugène; this may be the same story from Jérôme's perspective). The closest thing I could find is a remark in the memoirs of Laure Junot about how the Bonaparte brothers would always hold Eugène - despite the fact they could not stand him - up as a shining example to Jérôme, causing the latter to despise his former friend. There also is an anecdote (the source of which I cannot remember atm) about Jérôme being furious because unlike Eugène he was not allowed to join the second Italian campaign (battle of Marengo, 1800), and later demanding Napoleon's sabre from that campaign as a gift in compensation.

Could I imagine that Jérôme was jealous of Eugène? Absolutely. This probably needs to be seen in the context of the Bonaparte-Beauharnais rivalry. The Bonaparte always regarded the Beauharnais as intruders and feared Napoleon might grant them too much money or influence. - Did Jérôme have any reason to? I'm not sure. Jérôme simply was a lot younger than Eugène, so of course Eugène was a step ahead of him in his career. It is also true that Eugène rose in rank very quickly and owed this solely to his stepfather. But in all fairness: so did Jérôme. And while Eugène at some point seems to have started to put in a lot of work and effort, even giving up his comfortable post as Napoleon's aide in order to remain in the military, and while he later as viceroy of Italy often worked from morning until midnight (much to his wife's chagrin), Jérôme seems to have seen his naval career as something of a pleasure cruise trip. Desertion from his post and month-long vacation in the United States included. As to his rule as king of Westphalia, I do not want to judge him because I have not read much about it, and in any case he was given very little leeway from his brother. But fact is: Jérôme was made a king. Eugène was not. So who had reason to be jealous?

I am not aware of much contact between the two of them later during the Empire. Eugène was in Italy since 1805. They may have met when Jérôme came to Italy for an interview with Napoleon, at the time when he gave up on his wife Betsy Patterson. But I am unaware of any reaction from Eugène to that. And later, when Eugène goes to Paris for the first time in almost five years, for his mother's "divorce" proceedings, he finds his house already occupied by - Jérôme. 😁

But the funniest (or saddest?) thing is that, while Jérôme was forced to join the navy very much against his will (as a disciplinary measure after the ill-fated duel with Davout's younger brother), Eugène for his part during his finale exile in Bavaria admitted: "I would have loved to be a sailor."

Thank you for the Ask! and sorry for the long rambling. Asking me about Eugène is a dangerous thing to do because I won't stop blabbering...

#napoleon's family #eugene de beauharnais #jerome bonaparte #ask #@flowwochair

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oldfarmhouse · 3 months

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Meg darling🫶

Hoping the holidays were everything you wanted them to be, (for the exception of the duration I'm sure) It seems days have been extremely speeding by if we want this or not! U know? Just stopped by to wish my favorite commentary blogger (you) best wishes, much happiness, and healthy vibes for our new year of 2024🙏🙌🥳👏✊🧘🏼‍♀️including peace and calamity ☄️namaste my friend

You're awesomely sweet! I'm certain you're aware how well your words can bring magic✨ to others🙌so Thank you.

Yes! The holidays were wonderful this season. For once, truly were stress free, and i appreciated this. I made myself not to worry this year as i had been doing for years. I get myself in a panic that someone would be left out, and other times worried that the turkey wouldn't be enough for the table...ridiculous i know😝 like that could be actually possible! Lol. So, beforehand, i made myself a promise this wasn't going to be anymore. It worked! Thank you so much for staying in touch for so long! Its so amazing. Xo meg

#ask #saying thank you #personal

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pop-punklouis · 1 year

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Hi Hope!

Happy happy birthday!! IDK if it's still your birthday, bc it is in my timezone and that's all I think I'm right on, but still. I'm a little sick so I only got round to this now 😭 I hope you have/had a wonderful day and I hope the year ahead brings you the bestest things and everything you can dream of 💞 and I definitely hope you find time to relax not just in this holiday season but throughout the upcoming year.

Re: shows. I see your point, and I do think it was kinda random that suddenly everything in the upside down is connected to ONE villain and it's a little complicated trying to make that connection. But I also kinda liked finding that out and spiraling over it what can I say I'm easy to please 😩 HOWEVER I think they could've done more with the mind flayer and esp the connection to Will like he deserves his moment I hate how they kinda just dropped it and I'm begging next season to revisit it. Season 2 was TOP TIER sigh.

Re: degree. As Louis said, faith in the future, y'know? I'm sure things will fall into place for you even though the uncertainty can be very scary. I FEEL you with the aspiring to me a mountain mama thing pls I keep saying I wanna disappear to like a remote island or something and live in peace 😩

Nooo that sounds so chaotic rip I hope your gifts are arriving in time etc some of my stuff is yet to come and I've just accepted my fate 💀 and we have a fake tree, we bought a gorgeous new one this time, chucked the old one. Never had a real tree :( so wouldn't know what it's like but it sucks that you couldn't get a real one this time especially when you're used to having one always :(

Re: color palette. Are you me?? Those are deadass the colors I'd pick for me too. I love earthy tones, I love all shades of green, and mauve, maroons. But also love muted shades, like pastels but with that grey tinge so it's even duller idk it's very calming to me.

Question for the day: who would you say inspires you?

Hope you have a wonderful day/night love ♥️

~🌱

HELLO BABE so sorry i’m late answering this rip it’s been….. so hectic the past few days 💀 but i’m finally free so!

thank you for the birthday wishes means a lot hope youve been well! does it get cold where you live? it’s freezing here in georgia. the coldest it’s been in years like 9 degrees or something and we’re all just bundled up on the couch watching christmas movies lol

re: shows: PLEASE season 2 will always have my heart and i’m hoping they give will the main character energy he so rightfully deserves in the final season and end with him conquering the upside down as a full circle thing 👐🏼

and oooo that sounds nice. i’ve gotten used to our fake tree and the lights that came with it have a remote where you can change them and it’s nice and soft to just sit and watch ✨ are you doing anything tomorrow for christmas with your family? we’re having a dinner but otherwise it’s going to be pretty relaxed. might get waffle house for breakfast with my dad per tradition!

re: color palettes: pls it just means we have taste 💅🏼 the best color palettes to gravitate towards if i must say so myself 👐🏼 and ooo the grey with the pastels does feel more calming i agree

hmm what inspires me? i think my younger self. little me. she is what has driven my choices and behavior and just how i live life the past few years. i live for her. how about you? 💕

with it being officially midnight here: hope you have a very happy and warm christmas love u holiday pal!!! 💋

#holiday pal 1

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outerbankies · 2 years

Text

new light: blue christmas — rafe cameron

new light series masterlist

summary: your boyfriend's upset that he's not as into the holidays as you are, but you just want to make sure he's okay.

warnings: drinking, swearing, family stuff around the holidays

a/n: i leave u all with my last little gift of the week, a new light christmas! hope u all have a great holiday season! wishing everyone love and light this time of year <3

“Can my big, strong, hot boyfriend please come help me unload the car?”

Rafe emerges on the front stoop of your home soon enough, padding through the front door you left open when you called for him, looking very perplexed and wearing socks with his flip flops. “What did you even buy?”

“Target was having a sale on their Christmas stuff and I might have blacked out,” you explain, throwing open your trunk. “See?”

“Oh my god,” Rafe deadpans, taking in the amount of bags in your trunk. “Babe, did you buy the entire store?”

“I actually went light,” you shrug. “Because my mom set aside some of the old decorations they’re getting rid of for us to use, remember? And I tried to buy stuff that was kind of timeless so it would fit that whole vintage vibe.”

Rafe furrows his eyebrows, then turns to load up with bags nonetheless, leaving you only two of the lighter bags to carry yourself. “Sure, sounds good.”

“When do you have time to decorate?” you ask, unwinding your scarf and hanging it on the rack by the door. “I was thinking we could start tonight.”

“We?”

“Yeah, Rafe. We,” you continue, rifling through the bags to find the monogrammed stockings you bought. “Could put on a movie and—ooh, you should make those really good spiked coffees you always make. I bought peppermint extract for my baking but we can use that to make them Christmassy.”

“Okay—yeah, I just… so this is like a whole event, huh?”

His sketchy tone is what makes you finally turn around and face him in the living room. He’s got his hands tucked into his pockets, observing the decorations with caution. “I mean, it’s decorating for Christmas.”

“I just didn’t realize Christmas was such a big deal for you—did you buy new pillows? We have to change out our pillows?” he asks, finally searching through some of the bags on his own.

“Do you not like them?”

“No, it’s fine, sweetheart. Really,” Rafe assures. He tears a red pillow with white stitching reading ‘jingle all the way’ out of the bag, setting it on your couch and throwing the plain pillow that occupied the couch before it out of sight. “See, boom. Beautiful. It’s officially Christmas now.”

“Rafe,” you say. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” he refutes. You drop the string of garland you were holding and cross your arms, giving him your most stubborn look until he sighs. “It’s just more than I’m used to. The decorations and everything—this is new for me.”

“Didn’t you do this with your family?”

You regret the question as soon as you ask it, but sometimes you just forget that things are different for Rafe. “Not really.”

You don’t press him any further, just coming to stand in front of him, the mistletoe you bought in the dollar section hidden behind your back until you’re right in front of him. “Well. Do you wanna help me this year?”

He looks up when he sees you holding something over him, rolling his eyes once he sees what it is. Rafe leans into kiss you, pulling back after a moment to answer.

“How could I say no to that?”

—

Rafe’s approach to the holidays was officially starting to bother you. When you asked him what his favorite Christmas movie was, he’d shrugged and said ‘Um, I dunno. Maybe that one with the ugly little clay people that they used to play on channel three when we were kids?’

He was extremely confused when you wanted to actually go cut down a real tree out in the mountains on a tree farm, wondering why you hadn’t just bought one at the store along with all of the other decorations. You’d explained that it has to be real because the house has to smell like Christmas, and he’d again shrugged. Before slightly cheering up at the fact that he got to saw down his own tree, carrying it proudly into the house when you got home. That had made you smile a little bit—you hoped he was starting to get into it.

But then he’d just turned bright red when you asked if he had any of his own Christmas decorations to put up, presenting a singular Frank Sinatra Christmas record and nothing else. And you didn’t dare mention it, but decorating the tree with all of the personalized ornaments your parents had kept for you over the years while Rafe had zero of his own had been completely awkward. He tried to shrug it off and help you move around the ornaments and tinsel you did have to cover the bare spots of the tree, but you still felt horrible over the entire thing.

“Rafe, they’re your sisters. You have to get them gifts,” you say in exasperation, rubbing your temples as the two of you went through your Christmas shopping list.

“Y/n/n, listen to me. They’re not gonna buy me gifts either, we’ve never done that,” he explains. “My parents take care of us, and that’s all we need.”

“Well, I already bought Sarah those Birkenstocks she’s been wanting and Wheezie’s eyeshadow palettes are in the mail. So.”

“Then why did you—baby.”

“Because, it’s Christmas. You buy things for the people you love,” you say. “Or you can make a gift if this is like, a consumerism thing.”

“Do we have to get them for our friends, too? Like, all of them?”

You don’t want to tell him that you’d taken care of all of your own friends already, their gifts bought weeks ago and sitting in your closet waiting to be wrapped. “Well, Secret Santa covers Topper. And Kelce and I do gifts every year, so…”

“Since when?” Rafe wonders, his face screwing up.

“Since forever. He bought me these slippers two years ago, look,” you say, propping your feet up on the coffee table.

He huffs. “Well I wouldn’t wanna put my name on a gift for your bestie—oh, fuck. Do we have to get John B a gift, too?”

“Well, dating Sarah for what, three years now? And we’re older than him and we have full-time jobs. And he’s gonna be there on Christmas, right? Yup.”

“Fuuuck,” he whines. “Why did I never realize how much work all of this is?”

“Because your step-mom has probably been taking care of all of this behind the scenes for your family for years. You can put your name on my Kelce gift, so that one’s done.”

“Oh, no, no, no. I wanna see the look on his fuckin’ face when I have a gift for him and he’s empty handed,” Rafe says, smirking and taking your laptop from you, going to search for his own gift.

“Wow, way to get into the holiday spirit. I love the spite.”

“I try.”

Your phone beeps and you start gathering your things, Rafe looking at you with a pout when he sees your jacket on. “Wait, where are you going? I thought we were Christmas shopping?”

“I am. Going to the mainland,” you say, collecting your purse. “Sarah said she’s on her way.”

“Wait, Sarah?”

“Yeah, she asked me to come.”

“Can you—did you guys invite Wheez? I don’t… I don’t want her to feel left out,” he worries.

“Rafe,” you tut, your hand coming to rest on the side of his face. “She was already going. They just asked me to come with them.”

“Really? I like that,” he decides, tugging you down by your scarf for a goodbye kiss.

“Me too.”

—

You treated Rafe’s sisters to a late lunch on the mainland after you’d all three shopped yourselves silly—well, Rafe treated all three of you, because when he asked why you were still gone he’d sent over enough money to cover the entire meal.

“So do you guys hate Christmas, too? Or is that just your scrooge of a brother?” you sighed, making the two girls across from you giggle.

“Rafe doesn’t hate Christmas,” Sarah says. “It’s just not a big deal in our family.”

“He told me that you guys don’t even decorate?”

“Rose does,” Wheezie supplies, pushing some food around on her plate. “But she’s pretty intense about it.”

“Yeah, we don’t get to help,” Sarah laughs. “Full interior decorator mode.”

“Ah,” you nod. Leaving it at that, at least until Wheezie excuses herself to the restroom and you realize Sarah hasn’t taken her eyes off of your face ever since you brought up the topic.

“What’s going on with him?”

“Nothing, Sarah. It’s just… I dunno. Rafe doesn’t seem into it at all,” you say, fiddling with the straw in your iced tea. “It’s like pulling teeth. He didn’t even know how the advent calendar worked—he opened day 22 yesterday because he was hungry.”

“I think for Rafe, it’s different?” she wonders softly. “Things are always different when it comes to him, just with my dad and work. The holidays are busy—all those parties and the networking, you know he hates that shit. So he just doesn’t have much interest in the fun stuff.”

You bite your lip as you nod, never having thought about it that way. “Thanks, Sarah.”

“Don’t tell him I told you that,” she warns. You cross your heart and she rolls her eyes, and you realized you’d really missed her when she was away at college for the fall term.

“You know I won’t. But thank you,” you repeat. “As a token of my gratitude, I feel inclined to tell you that Rafe got both of you gifts this year.”

Her eyes widen.

“What? Why? Since when does he do that?” You give her a deadpan look, pointing at yourself, and she groans in frustration. “Would you stop making my brother perfect? For like, five seconds?”

“What’s going on?” Wheezie says, sitting down at the table again.

“You guys have to buy Rafe a Christmas gift this year,” you tell her, waving at the waiter for the check.

“No,” Wheezie groans. “We have to circle back to the Patagonia store now, don’t we?”

—

Blythe came to spend the holidays in the Outer Banks with Topper this year, which was enough of a reason for your friend group to rent a cabin in the snow for the weekend before Christmas. Kelce bemoans his perpetual spot as the fifth wheel but comes anyway, saying he reserves the right to bring someone home from the one, singular bar in the mountain town, with no ribbing from any of you.

So you load up the car with enough alcohol for twice the amount of time you’ll be there and all of your cutest snow outfits, kicking Rafe out of the passenger seat when you pull up to Topper’s parents’ house for the caravan.

“What?”

“Blythe and I are driving together,” you remind him. “Go get in the car with the boys.”

“C’mon, what?” he whines. “They’re gonna make me sit in the backseat and you know my knees get sore.”

“Cameron,” Blythe says, ripping his door open. “Good to see you, merry Christmas. Get out of my seat.”

“Merry Christmas, Blythe,” he grumbles, offering her his seat when he finally gets out. He motions for you to roll down the window when he comes around to the driver’s side, leaning in for a kiss. “Drive careful, alright? I’ll put on your snow chains at the rest stop.”

“We’ll probably get there first, I’ll wait for you,” you promise. He narrows his eyes.

“Uh, we’re definitely gonna get there faster.”

You peek around Rafe to look at where Topper and Kelce are bickering over how to fit the last sled into the trunk. “Rafe, I know you’re not challenging me to a race in the snow.”

“No,” Rafe warns. “Drive careful, I mean it.”

“Alright, dad,” you tease, making Blythe groan next to you.

“Ew, you too,” she says. “Rafe, go away.”

“See you up there,” he nods, kissing your cheek one more time before heading off to his friends. You laugh as you watch him snatch the sled out of both of their hands where they’re fighting over it, fitting it in seamlessly.

You don’t wait for them to figure out seating arrangements, opting to get an early start on the drive so you and Blythe can stop at Starbucks for Christmas drinks and maybe still have time to pull over and take cute pictures when you first hit the snow.

“How’ve you liked Christmas in the Outer Banks so far?” you ask once the two of you have left the main strip of town. Blythe huffs a sigh and you throw her a glance.

“Good, it’s good. I missed Top—missed all of you. His family is just so intense,” she complains. “And it’s fun, but it’s a lot.”

“See, I have the opposite problem. I think I’m the Topper,” you say. “Rafe doesn’t wanna do anything.”

Blythe laughs. “Would you like to trade? We’ve watched Elf at least three times and I’ve been here for less than a week. And I think his mom wants us to go caroling.”

“That’s not fair,” you whine. “Why don’t I have a simp boyfriend?”

She laughs again, louder this time. “You’re joking right? ‘Make sure you drive careful, sweetheart.’ ‘Oh, don’t bother your pretty little hands putting on your own snow chains, sweetheart.’ ‘Let me ride in the car with you because I can’t stand two hours spent apart from you, sweetheart.’”

“Alright, enough,” you mumble, your cheeks burning as you pay attention to the drive. “I see your point. I just wish he was having fun, it’s our first Christmas living together and he just doesn’t seem into it at all.”

“Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“Why would I do that?”

—

Loose lips get you in the end. After a day of Rafe walking off to find better service for a phone call when everyone is building a snowman, missing out on making mulled wine with you and Kelce because he was watching the game in the living room, you finally snap when he doesn’t put on the matching ugly sweater you bought him.

“Rafe. Why?”

“What?”

“Where’s your sweater?” you ask, tugging on the plain black shirt he’s wearing.

“Oh. Um,” he mumbles, adjusting his grip on his beer, his thumb nail peeling off the label. “It was itchy. And I don’t like that the bells make noise whenever I move.”

You certainly didn’t skip out on the mulled wine, pushing him back into the bedroom the two of you had claimed and ignoring any jabs from your friends. “Okay, I’m not doing this anymore. What is going on with you?”

“What do you mean? Nothing’s going on,” he says, but his eyes give him away.

“Am I bothering you with all of this?” you ask, motioning to his discarded sweater on the bed. “You look miserable.”

Rafe groans, dropping his face into his hands where he sits at the end of the bed. “I’m sorry.”

That tugs on your heart strings and you feel bad you were getting a little testy, sitting beside him and putting your hand on his back. “About what, baby?”

“I just don’t know how to do any of this stuff. I don’t know the songs or the movies, I don’t have any of the fun traditions that you guys and all of your families do. Christmas for me always just meant stress and more work and never knowing what gift to get my dad that he’d actually like and—”

“Breathe, babe,” you implore.

“Yeah, trying,” he nods, catching his breath. “It’s just—this sounds so stupid, but. It’s hard for me this time of year. I dunno.”

“Rafe,” you say sadly, leaning your head on his shoulder once he’s settle down a little. “I didn’t know.”

He sits there silently for a second, just letting you lean into him. “Hm, figured Sarah would’ve told you.”

You look back up at him and he eyes you warily, and you sigh in defeat—of course Sarah told him. “I’m sorry. I was just trying to figure out if it something I was doing wrong.”

“S’okay,” he shrugs, pressing a kiss to your head. “It’s not you. I love watching you have fun with all of this. I just don’t… I don’t think I can see the excitement the way everyone else can. Just brings up bad memories.”

You make a displeased noise. “But Rafe—”

“It’s almost over, alright?” he rushes, standing up to leave the room. “And then I’ll be back to normal, I promise.”

You try to give Rafe space that night because you can tell he’s upset with himself and the way he’s handling things, opting to get caught up in the card games by the fire and Blythe’s special eggnog. He’s putting on a brave face in front of all of your friends, tucking himself behind you and hiding from conversations at any opportunity, but you can see right through the cerulean stare. You feel the urgency in his needy touch—how he just needs to be close to you but can’t or won’t explain why.

The other three don’t push it, but you’re grateful when they seem to all get the hint they should step away for a second, leaving the two of you alone with one last knowing stare sent from Kelce. The fire is crackling in front of the two of you where you’re curled up in his lap, soft Christmas classics playing from the TV while laughter spills in from the kitchen occupied by your friends.

“Do you wanna know one of my favorite Christmas memories?”

“Hm?” he asks, looking startled by your voice. “Oh, yeah. Sure.”

“My parents’ Christmas Eve party, when we were, god—eighteen, nineteen? It was the first one after we went away for college,” you start, waiting for him to catch up. He nods like he knows what you’re talking about.

“Oh, yeah,” Rafe says, then his eyes widen. “Oh, yeah. Oh my god, was that the one where we hotboxed your pool house, because we didn’t know we had to start sitting at the adults’ table that year?”

You giggle at the memory, thinking about the boys, you, Gretchen, and Margot sitting in a square at the end of the adult’s table, all trying not to give yourselves away. You sat there in silence until Margot missed her mouth and spilled practically an entire flute of champagne down the front of her dress, making Kelce laugh which caused a ripple effect until you were all teary-eyed messes.

And you would’ve been horrified by the disappointed look on your father’s face at the head of the table if Rafe hadn’t accidentally bumped his knee into yours from where he sat beside you, body shaking as he tried to contain his laughter. He’d brushed a hand over your knee and leaned down to whisper a sorry into your ear, and if you couldn’t use the excuse of being under an influence, you know your starry-eyed look as you told him ‘no problem, RC’ would’ve been a dead giveaway of your feelings. “That’s the one.”

“God, I still can’t believe we got away with that.”

“We did not. My dad definitely knew,” you tell him.

Rafe groans, but he’s smiling now, even where he’s hiding his face in your shoulder. “I cannot believe he lets me date you sometimes. Seriously.”

“But, see? Christmas can be fun sometimes, even if it’s just getting stoned at ill-advised times and causing a ruckus at the Y/l/n family Christmas Eve extravaganza.”

“Mm,” Rafe hums wistfully. “My dad and Rose went away on business on the 25th that year. I think Sarah went to John B’s—Wheez and I picked up a ton of Chinese food after we burned the turkey.”

You deflate against him. “Rafe.”

“No, don’t. This isn’t a ‘feel sorry for me’ moment—it was actually kinda nice, if I remember. We stayed in our pajamas and watched those clay people movies all day,” he says. “I dunno. Maybe Christmas isn’t horrible all the time.”

It was a start.

—

Through the years your friends have all calmed down and grown up, but that doesn’t stop any of you from getting a little rowdy at your parents’ Christmas party this year. Margot comes and Gretchen finally made it home too, so you blame the repeat cocktails on the nostalgia and everyone being back together.

And things are different now because when someone brings out the mistletoe you gladly stand up on your toes and plant one on Rafe in front of all of your friends, whereas when the same scenario happened when you were seventeen you’d been a deer in headlights, squealing in surprise when Margot sprung into action, pushing Rafe out of the way so she she could kiss you instead—a true friend, she is. Everyone laughed it off but they still tease you about it to this day.

Today, you’re still lip-locked with Rafe, ignoring the hoots and whistles from your friends, until Kelce is breaking you up and squeezing in for a cheek kiss from either of you and effectively ending the display. “Alright, mom and dad. We get it, you figured out your feelings. But it’s been a year of this shit and my eyes can’t take it anymore. Separate.”

“Seriously,” Gretchen agrees. “It was almost more fun when you didn’t know.”

“No it wasn’t,” Margot and Topper chorus.

Gretchen rolls her eyes and tugs you away with a looped arm, marching you both back toward the more dignified area of the party. “C’mon, I wanna go flirt with that bartender your mom hired.”

“Ooh, wait, really?!” you ask. “I love that for you.”

“And you need air,” she laughs, eyes scanning your flushed expression. “I swear, next time I come home you’re gonna be pregnant, Y/n/n.”

“Mmm, no. We don’t wanna have kids until we move back from California,” you say, immediately clapping a hand over your mouth as you realize what you just said. “Oh, fuck. Gretch—”

“Until you… what?”

“We haven’t told anyone, okay? So, shh,” you beg. “We just started talking about it. My parents don’t even know.”

Her eyebrows remain at their spot practically shot into her hairline. “You know I hate to ask. But do his?”

“No, nobody does,” you whisper. “So tight lid, alright?”

“Oh my god, wait. That’s so exciting,” she says, her lip pouting in adoration. “You’ll be so much closer to me. God, he’s so whipped—”

“Okay,” you interrupt, hands on her shoulders. “Let’s go find Cute Bartender and see if we can get him to shut you up, alright?”

“Maybe he’ll be my Rafe.”

Cute Bartender was decidedly no Rafe, at least in your eyes, but he was falling for every one of Gretchen’s usual tricks. You sipped your champagne flute in amusement as you watched her at work from a little ways down. She’d just moved onto asking him how exactly a Sex on a Beach got its name when a presence sidles up next to you, a black suit jacket brushing your bare shoulder.

“You’re way too pretty to be sitting here all by yourself.”

A comment like that would normally knock you off-kilter these days, ready to be shrugged off or politely declined depending on the situation. But coupled with your boyfriend’s very familiar voice, it has you turning to look at him in amusement.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I’m surprised your boyfriend isn’t around,” Rafe says, making a show of surveying your parents’ entire house. “I mean if I were him, I wouldn’t let you out of my sight.”

“Don’t have one,” you decide, stifling a giggle when something a little offended flashes in his eyes. Rafe shakes his head, sipping a little more of his drink before re-committing to the bit.

“No? Well that works out for me then, doesn’t it?”

“Depends.”

You’re out of practice in your flirt game but you can tell it doesn’t matter. Rafe’s a little tipsy and he’s absolutely hanging off of your every word. “Have we met before? I feel like I recognize you.”

“Hm,” you wonder, eyes roaming over Rafe in his black tuxedo like you’re trying to place where you know him from, when you’re really just checking him out for the tenth time that night. “Maybe. I grew up around here.”

“Me too,” Rafe says. “Shocked we never ran into each other.”

“A shame, really,” you say, testing the waters as you move closer to him. Rafe twitches where he leans against the bar when a festively painted fingernail traces the buttons on his crisp white shirt. “What should we do about that?”

“I’d like to take you home,” Rafe blurts, blinking dumbly. “And maybe you can just stay forever because you actually live there too because I’ve been in love with you for, like, half of my life.”

You throw your head back and laugh, slapping him on his chest. But he just grabs your hand and keeps you tucked close to him, gleeful smile matching your own. “Baby, you were doing so good for a second.”

“You know I can’t help it when I’m this drunk, Y/n/n,” he groans, still smiling when you wrap your arms around his waist under his suit jacket. “Fuck, I forgot how good of a flirt you are. You never pull the moves on me anymore.”

“Maybe you’re just immune to my charms by now.”

“Not possible,” he says. His eyes are glassy and he’s been smiling all night, and you know he’s finally starting to come around on Christmas just from the way he’s looking at you.

“Rafe? And Y/n, is that you?”

Your arms unwind from Rafe and fall to your side on instinct, faced with your AP Calculus teacher for the first time in years. “Mr. Torres?”

“I thought that was you two, wow,” the older man says. “How are you both?”

You take turns catching him up on all of your life updates over the years, stumbling over your words a little from the alcohol and from the fact that your old math teacher caught you both seconds away from making out in the middle of this party. You knew better than to be getting handsy when half of Figure 8 was in attendance tonight, and you guess this was your punishment. Mr. Torres orders another round of drinks for the three of you and covers the tip for all of it, turning to say one last thing before being on his way again. “You know, I always thought there was something there between you two.”

“I’m—I’m sorry?” Rafe says, clearing his throat.

“Yes, that year I had you both in my class.”

“Oh, we weren’t dating then, Mr. Torres,” you clarify. “This is uh, a little more recent.”

“No? Could’ve fooled me back in the day,” he says, smiling at you both. “Well, happy holidays.”

Mr. Torres walks off and you both stand there in a stunned silence until you groan, making Rafe laugh against you. “That was humiliating.”

“God. Who knew our math teacher was such a romantic?”

—

John B drops the two of you at home on his way back to The Cut that night, volunteered as a designated driver for the night by his girlfriend. Rafe lets you take the front seat but that doesn’t stop him from tipsily complaining about the lack of safety features in the back of the beat-up van.

“Is this thing even street legal?”

“I try not to think about that,” John B admits, pulling up to your street. “Monsieur and madame, your destination.”

“Thanks, kid,” Rafe says, helping you out of the front seat. “Merry Christmas. See you tomorrow.”

The two of you still-slightly-drunkenly shuffle around the house in a practiced routine for coming home after nights out, but you’re having a harder time with your heels this particular night. By the time you finally get them off and leave them by the front door, you expect Rafe to be in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Instead you find him with his bow tie undone around his neck, scarf and jacket still on, standing in front of the tree holding a small, neatly-wrapped box in his hands. “Hey, c’mere for a sec?”

“What’s this?”

“Well… Christmas is all about traditions with the people you love, right? And I thought it’d be cool if we started one,” he says shyly. “I mean, I plan to spend at least a few more with you, if that’s alright.”

“I was thinking quite a few,” you correct, feeling yourself smile as you slowly walk into the living room.

“Quite a few,” he agrees. “And one I always wanted to do when we were kids was open the first present on Christmas Eve, so I was thinking—I have one for you, sweetheart.”

“You do?” you say, pushing past him to kneel on the floor, digging around for a perfect present for him to open tonight. You hadn’t really planned for this but Rafe was trying, and he looked so sweet standing by your tree holding that box in his hands. “I can find one for you, too.”

“No, no, it’s okay. It’s kinda for both of us, anyway” he says softly, leading the two of you to sit on the couch together.

He places it in your lap and you slip a finger under the paper immediately, admiring his adequate wrapping job as you tear it open to reveal a white box. “And it’s definitely not, like, a huge deal, or anything—”

But you can’t hear him anymore as you find the wooden ornament inside the box, slowly pulling it out. It’s a picture frame, with a photo of you sitting in Rafe’s lap in Massachusetts from just a few weeks ago. At the bottom of the frame is an inscription that says ‘rafe & y/n. first christmas.’

“And listen,” he rushes to continue. “I know it isn’t technically our first, ‘cause we’ve been dating for over a year. But I dunno, it’s our first tree together in our first home and everything, and I just thought, you put all of those ornaments up on the tree this year, and this is the first time I’ve enjoyed Christmas in a really, really long time, and—”

“You know,” you squeak out, feeling those annoying tears start to brim your eyes. “For someone who doesn’t like Christmas very much, you give really great gifts.”

“You like it?” he asks in earnest, his hand falling to your knee. You look up, feeling the first tears overflow.

“Rafe, I love it.”

#rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron #outer banks imagine #outer banks #outerbanks

416 notes · View notes

kimberly-spirits13 · 3 years

Text

Spending Holidays with TT HC (Request)

Robin:

He takes you to the manor for the holidays

He’ll steel you away from the tread for just this one time of the year

Alfred stopped preparing a room for you since you always go into your boyfriend’s bedroom

Bruce is happy to have you over

You stay till New Years and then get back to the tower

He’s always getting rlly nice gifts for you but won’t shower you with them if you’re not chill them

Christmas movies are a must

He always wants to go to the Christmas fair

No patrol on Christmas cause uh no

He’s not cool with it

Ginger bread bake off

He’ll make sure to get plenty of junk food and candy canes

You’re an official part of the family and have to celebrate Christmas with them

It’s crucial to the relationship with the family

Not to stress u lol

Raven

I’d say that she doesn’t rlly celebrate that much for anything

Except for Christmas

She rly likes Christmas

She has stockings in her room and adds one for you

A mini tree with purple, black, and silver ornaments

Get her some books

Especially fantasy books

She uses magic to make snow fall in her room without the cleanup

Always the first one up besides BB on Christmas Day

No one knows how Santa gets his hands on the magical items he gets for her but it’s quite impressive

Santa is canon in DC so yeah we have ole Saint Nick

The one and only

She isn’t a big New Years person but likes the fire works so that’s a plus

Cyborg

CHRISTMAS MOVIES

he makes sure to have a stock of movies on the big screen

Candy canes everywhere

He has to wear a Santa hat all season because he’s extra

The man is prepared since August

Will not skip Halloween and Thanksgiving

He probably won’t take you home since he has daddy issues but might

If you take him home with you he’ll love it and beg to go more often

I’m pretty he sure can cook so he makes your favorites

Making cookies at 2am with Holiday by Nas X in the background for no reason

CAUSE YOU CAN

That’s why

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ARE A MUST

Titans tower is fucking LIGHT BULB during the holidays cause it’s so bright

No doubt a large Christmas tree

Beast Boy

He loves Christmas

Has a home alone tee for every day of December and will wear it

He loves food so you’re both out at ungodly hours getting holiday treats

He goes to sit in Santa’s lap and asks for pizza

He’ll probably want to volunteer during the season so be ready for that

He brings you onto talk shows and radio with him during the holidays and it’s always a blast

He’ll stay up till the sun rises to see Santa with you

Actually he kinda drags you into it

You’ve gotten to pet all the reindeer

He wants to make his nose glow red and fly around to cause chaos

How he enters every battle during Christmas

As Rudolph

Starfire

Wtf is a Christmas

SPARKLY TINSEL YOU SMILE

.....I’m in....

Basically you to teach her what Christmas is

Not rlly New Years

She wants to do everything tho

Deck out in Christmas decor for her room

She wears sweaters all seasons cause she saw it in a magazine

She flies to New York with you to see the lights

You two make snow angels when it snows

She loves The Grinch

And Disney Christmas specials

For some reason but can we blame her

Hot chocolate all around

It’s like a drug for her

Red X

Red doesn’t rlly celebrate the holidays that much

He feels like he doesn’t have to or have time to

Uh no

Not with you

You’re sure to sneak off from the team to see him

Even if it’s not extravagant you’re taking him to do something

Maybe walking around to see lights

He’ll probably steal something nice for you or possible not get anything and feel bad for it

You’re quick to make sure he knows you’re not upset

Hot chocolate all around

He likes New Years kinda

Kind of ignores it till you come

You make him see the fireworks on the beach

New Years parties and underage drinking

Almost got caught by the Titans returning you from party hopping cause you both drunk

🤫

Idk y but that emoji is kinda creepy but also hilarious to look when sleep deprived

Let me tell you

So sorry I forgot to do this! I hope that this makes up for some of it. Hope you all have a wonderful New Years 💜

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aziraphales-library · 3 years

Note

Looking for Christmas fics!!! Or winter fics!! Preferably both!! Happy or sad, smutty or not, but this year I’m starting to celebrate early (I deserve it) and I would love to do so with some good omens!! Thank u so much for all the work u do here btw, I’m pretty new to the fandom and ur blog has helped me discover so many amazing fics! Would also like to thank all the good omens writers! Never have I been in a fandom with such good and creative writing! I’m constantly surprised and amazed at the wonderful stuff u all come up with!

Hello!

Here’s a few Christmas human aus:

Snow Angel by Vagabond (T)

Human!AU. Aziraphale needs a date to his brother's Christmas party to avoid getting set up with someone. Anathema suggests Crowley, the office bad boy. They go, get snowed in, and have a heart-to-heart that ends in a Happy Christmas.

From a prompt: Human!AU: Aziraphale needs a date for family Christmas. He invites the office rebel/bad boy, Crowley.

muddle through somehow by curtaincall (T)

Aziraphale Fell runs a successful food blog, Celestial Comestibles, where he shares mouthwatering recipes and heartwarming stories about his happy domestic life in a cottage with his husband and son. As promotion for his upcoming cookbook, his publishers run a contest: one lucky winner will get to spend Christmas with Aziraphale and his family.

What the publishers don't know is that the real Aziraphale Fell is a single city-dweller. And if he wants to keep up his happily married persona, he'll have to acquire a cottage, husband, and son before Christmas.

As it happens, his friend and neighbor Anthony Crowley has his nephew staying with him for the holidays. One fake marriage proposal later, and everything seems tickety-boo--as long as Aziraphale can keep from developing inconveniently real feelings for his pretend husband...

Taking the Cake by Caedmon (T)

Aziraphale has noticed his handsome neighbor, but hasn't had an excuse (or the nerve) to talk to him. He gets his chance, though, when a bakery delivers a package to the wrong door a few days before Christmas and his neighbor comes knocking.

The Grinch Who Sold Christmas by darcylindbergh (T)

Anthony J. Crowley, a big-time attorney from London, is sent to small-town Tadfield to close a deal before Christmas that would sell out half of high street to a fancy developer and put him up for partner at his firm. The deal will run the local businesses out and change the landscape of the town forever, but that’s none of Crowley’s business; he’s just doing a job.

But as the town invites him to share in their lives, their hopes, and their holiday celebrations, and as the enigmatic Aziraphale invites him to share in something more, Crowley starts to wonder: if everything has its price, is he still willing to pay what this deal will cost?

And here’s some canon-verse fics!

Holidays in the South Downs by TurnipTitaness (G)

After stopping the apocalypse, Aziraphale and Crowley have retired to a little cottage in the South Downs. This is their first holiday season together. It's fluffy.

Deck the Bookshop with Decorations by Elphen (G)

Not one to decorate the bookshop for Christmas, Aziraphale nevertheless finds ornaments, baubles and other decorations hidden among the medley of items, not clutter, of the shop. What's more, he discovers that more is added over the course of December. There can only be one culprit, but why? Of all the things to Aziraphale is going to find out, one way or the other. Even if it means he has to actually ask outright. Set post-canon.

Christmas Gifts by Amaranthology (E)

Crowley has plans for Christmas this year.

It's posted so that you can read Chapter 1 and get no smut or continue with Chapter 2 for the full experience.

A Christmas Miracle (A Very Smutty Christmas) by IneffableScript (E)

After the Non-Apocalypse, Aziraphale feels he can finally enjoy Christmas. He thinks the only thing to make it perfect, would be to spend it with Crowley. But Crowley has a secret that might ruin Aziraphale's plans! Lots of fluff and smut, only a dab of angst.

Hungry for more? Here’s a link to the Christmas tag on AO3!

As always, if any of our follower have any recs, feel free to leave them in the notes!

~ Mod G

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yuzukult · 3 years

Text

effortlessly pt. 10 || jungkook & reader

title: effortlessly (the finale) pairing: jungkook x reader words: 4.0k genre: fluff, romance, school!au, smut some chapters notes: ;u; patience is key, epilogue coming out soon! p.s. hope you guys stay for my next jungkook series! ;u;

series: part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six || part seven || part eight || part nine || part ten || epilogue

The seasons come by quickly— Autumn, Winter, Spring. Last summer had come to an end with you leaving the admissions office with a plan and an answer; a decision that was made up completely by yourself.

You’re grateful for Jungkook because he doesn’t probe you about your decision and promised to wait patiently until you’re ready.

Autumn comes around with its descending leaves from the now naked trees, filling the roads with shades of golds, reds, and browns, sparse in air, leaving every scene on your walk to school like a sepia photograph. It’s the season of football, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin spice flavored anything, really, and Halloween. Then Winter approaches with a scare; a blanket of snow dropping over the school yard, the fields, and every corner of the entire city. Light jackets now replaced with thicker and longer ones, you can’t help but groan at the difficulty of tying your shoes with how stiff yours are.

“Ugh, why did I buy this again?”

Jungkook laughs merrily at the sight, mostly because you just look so small and cozy in your coat, struggling to reach down to your toes. He taps his thigh for you to place your foot, a grin stretching cheek to cheek. You comply as he responds, “Because it’s December, silly. You’ll be freezing standing outside wearing your little leather jacket that you think is going to make you feel warm.”

“It’s more of a fashion statement than warmth, Jeon.” He’s tying the laces of your Doc Martens, fingers nimble and cold, and thighs shivering from the remains of the snow that gets on his pants, the wetness seeping through the fabric and onto his skin. “Well, you’re going to catch a cold wearing that thing around. That’s why you need this.” When he finishes, he drops your leg down, pulling the hood of your jacket over your head snugly. “So please don’t get sick because that means that I also have to play sick to stay home and take care of you.” Jungkook is effortlessly caring.

Jungkook hates the cold. Only because it takes away a location for him to swim— outside. But this year, he doesn’t seem to hate it as much. Maybe it’s because now, you’re his, and he can replace the time he dedicated to swim outside to spend time with you instead.

Especially when he gets to see you in the Christmas Village, mouth gaping wide with a bright smiling following after, face brightened by the colorful string of lights that surround you. “Wow,” Amazed, your eyes twinkle at the view. “Now this is something to talk about.” He hates himself for not taking you here every other year, the guys convincing him that it was too romantic for two friends to go to, but he can’t help but wonder what if he took you years before and learned how much he was in love with you earlier?

You spend the holidays at his house, meeting his grandparents and extended family while your parents decide to go on a trip to Hawaii. It’s become a tradition, really, your parents ditching the whole family bonding thing, and you spending that time with Jungkook’s family instead.

His mom loves you. Although your sleepovers have slowly become stagnant because of her suspicion of you guys doing more than just movies and sleeping, she wouldn’t want anyone else to be with her son other than you.

The Jeon’s have everything set for the holidays; from the tree with presents pleasantly wrapped placed intricately underneath, to the decoration that drapes the fireplace, to the strings of tinsel and garland that cascades down the staircases, and the wreath that hangs on the front door. Ms. Jeon is obsessed with Christmas and favors nothing more, perfecting the holiday over the years for her family... well, mostly herself.

Even though Jungkook spends day and night complaining about his mom, telling her that she’s dedicating too much money and time for this ‘stupid holiday,’ he’s still the best son and tends to her every need. When she struggles in the kitchen, he’s already by her side, asking her what she needs a hand in. Or when she can’t reach a portion of the tree while decorating, there’s an annoyed expression on his face but he utilizes his towering height to help her get those spots. Jungkook is effortlessly a family man.

“So, Jungkook, I heard you got into University?” His cousin, Sooyeon, asks. She is several years older than the two of you, almost completing her undergraduate degree. “I did! I got in with an athletic scholarship.” He’s genuinely happy, the way he shares this information, like he’s finally proud of himself and how far he’s gotten in life. The obstacles he’d overcome, the effort he had invested into the sport—they all were worth it in the end. Jeon Jungkook was reaching for his dreams.

It’s New Year’s Eve and Hoseok is hosting another party.

Underaged drinking is almost a rite of passage before entering University, and although you aren’t much of a rule breaker, it feels like something you need to do. Break out of your shell, despite the discomfort of knowing the consequences because once you get into college, none of this was going to be the same anymore. You won’t get to see Hoseok standing on the table, hollering out and swaying along to the song that plays. Jimin won’t be complaining about girls who reject him constantly. Yura won’t be there to call you out on your actions. And Jungkook, whilst he promises to stay by your side forever, there’s a possibility that it won’t happen.

“You look so pretty tonight.” Jungkook compliments you in a slur, cheeks rosy from the alcohol. You look down at your current attire; a silver sequined satin cami paired with a black leather jacket and jeans. Glancing up at the boy, you laugh at the sight of his cheeks, hand reaching up to pinch them. “You think so, Jeon?”

“If I’m being honest, I think you’re always pretty.” He hums against your hand, turning his face to give it a peck. “And I’m happy I get to be here with you. I hope you never go, and I hope nothing comes between us. It’d be nice, you know, if we...” He drifts off, mind fogging with thoughts that made him giddy because he’s giggling incessantly.

“If we what, love?”

“If we got married. Then we’d be best friends then high school sweethearts that made it.” Jungkook’s words soar you to the moon. He shares the same dream, whether or not it happens.

When the clock strikes 12, in spite of his current intoxication, he doesn’t forget you. Cupping your face in his large, warm hands, lips puckering up, he smooches you all over, laughter erupting from you. Jungkook is effortlessly a happy virus.

“Has Jungkook asked you to prom yet?”

“What?” Skimming through the pages of your notebook while in homeroom, you’re only half paying attention to anything Yura is saying. You’re on a mission to find something and even Yura can’t stop you.

Winter is still lingering, mostly waiting for Spring to make its appearance and nobody else is more excited for it to come than Yura. Only because it’s prom season, of course.

“Jungkook,” She reiterates, this time louder. “Jeon Jungkook? The love of your life? Is he asking you to prom?”

“Oh, prom.” Stopping at a page, your finger browsing through the highlighted and colored writing while furrowing your brows, focusing on the task. “Uh... no?”

“No?!” Yura exclaims, startling you out of your actions. She’s got your attention now. “It’s two months away. You won’t have enough time to find a dress or test out how your makeup is going to look and the shoes! What about your shoes?”

“Well, if it has your panties in a knot, why don’t you ask him yourself?”

You regret telling her that because she does. Your comment during a time of not fully investing the entirety of your attention has brought you to this: a locker filled to the brim of red roses. There’s a card in the middle of it all, so you grab it, tear it open where in the sloppiest writing it says: turn around.

There Jungkook was, in all his beauty, standing in the middle of the hall with a box of donuts in hand, opened with the writing: i donut want to go to prom with anyone else but you!

It’s not that you hate it. No, you disgustingly love it, but you wished you had Jungkook all to yourself. He’s too great, and him standing in his uniform with donuts from your favorite bakery, you can almost feel the piercing glares from other girls down the hall. But he’s yours, nonetheless, and you didn’t wish for anything more.

Yura’s exaggeration on how long it’ll take to find a dress isn’t so much of an exaggeration when you’re shuffling through dresses in the department stores with her for the next two months, the quantity of gowns dropping by the hour. You’re grateful you found something just two weeks before the date.

Although you think the prom theme being “Hollywood” is the tackiest thing you ever heard— the sight of Jungkook standing outside of your house with both a corsage and boutonnière in hand with his hair styled back, black suit and tie with a white button up underneath, your breath hitches. He makes you feel like you’re in the presence of a celebrity; he has the ability of grabbing the attention from an entire room, despite leaning against such an old car in need of a new paint job.

In spite of it all, he seems in awe as much as you are. He thinks you’re gorgeous like this— like he’s the one who is lucky, not the other way around. You lean over, hair blown out and in a black gown that hugs your curves and compliments only the parts you wished for it to, wiping the little drip of drool that falls out the corner of his mouth. “You good, bub?”

“More than good,” he says, voice raspy. “You look... stunning.”

“Speak for yourself.” Jungkook is effortlessly handsome like this, and you wish you could keep this view all to yourself. But tonight is a time to be far from selfish.

You want to flaunt Jungkook, more than he wants to flaunt you, you convince yourself. Mostly because when you step into the gymnasium that’s fully decked out in decor, everyone’s eyes are on Jungkook.

“I think they’re all looking at you,” He would say, but you’re not stupid. Your arms are linked with a God-like man with a personality that represents it. He does nothing but help you walking in your unfamiliarity in heels, introduce you to some of his classmates that you’ve never met before, yet manages to dedicate enough time for just the two of you, dancing the night away, whispering sweet nothings into your ears before pressing his lips against your forehead delicately.

Jungkook wins Prom King that night while some pretty girl in your grade named Nayeon wins Prom Queen. He doesn’t devote his dance to her though, he apologizes and takes your hand instead.

When he takes you home that night, the only expectation you had was to go home, shower and change into your sleepwear and sit by the window sill to talk the hours away with Jungkook from across the way.

But it’s prom. So you drive with him down the shore, wearing a spare hoodie he leaves in the trunk of his car for days that get cold after practices, and holds your hand while you stomp barefooted in the sand. He’s so pretty under the moonlight, you take note, the way that it shines on the bridge of his nose, brightens the shade of brown his orbs are, and brings warmth into his smile and laughs when you share stories about your high school years.

The two of you make love in the backseat of his car with the sunroof opened, under the moon. Although it feels corny to do and such a cliché concept to have sex on prom night, it doesn’t feel that way with Jungkook. You argue that his car might not be able to take the constant movements, but Jungkook doesn’t care. He just wants to shower you with kisses and love throughout the hours that pass by.

When you come back to school the following Monday, Yura sits backwards nervously in her chair, staring at a letter that sits on your desk. Furrowing your brows in confusion, you gesture the piece of paper with your chin. “What’s up with that?”

“It’s... a letter, from Le Cordon Bleu. Pretty much to the equivalent to an Ivy League for culinary schools.”

Oh. Now you understand why the air felt weird. Quickly, you shuffle into your seat and slide off your backpack onto the floor. “Okay, well. What are you waiting for? Open it!”

She whimpers. “I’m scared.”

“Well, you told me to stop being scared and just do it. So, bitch, do it.”

While protesting, she does as told. Tearing the envelope open and the unraveling of the sheet of paper was nerve wrecking, possibly even more for you.

“I... got in.” Holy shit. “You got in?”

“Guess who’s going to France, bitch!”

It’s a reality, this sight of your best friend; the brightest smile on her face, cheekbones defined from the excitement in her. A dream she had, a dream that you never even knew had been a priority in her life, was coming true.

Whether or not it was jealousy, you were proud of her regardless. Yura was able to attain her goals before even graduating high school. After further research, you learned that there were many locations for this school, and her dream was to be able to expand her knowledge throughout all those countries.

You’re tired of hearing him talk about his plans for the future where it sounded like none of the routes included you. Jungkook goes on from when the sun rises to the sun sets about what he wants to do in life, where he wants to go, and where he hopes to be at whatever age. You could listen to him talk for hours like it's a song on repeat that you never grow to hate, but today, it felt inconsistent. He had all these things he wanted to do but where were you?”

“Where do I even fit in all of this?” You finally get the courage to blurt.

Jungkook’s forehead is creased in disbelief at your outburst. “What are you talking about?”

“Well,” you start, fumbling with the fabric of your shirt, “you haven’t even mentioned me once. It’s like you’re also planning for your escape out of this relationship.”

He’s fuming. It’s been a while since he’s been this mad, especially since your last huge argument had nearly been a year ago. Otherwise, with Jungkook, there had been small disagreements that were recoverable but it feels different this time. “You don’t get to be upset with me for planning a future without you because if I’m being totally honest, you still haven’t told me what you decided that day you walked into that office, and I’m feeling rather insecure about whether or not you trust me!”

“Don’t hate me,” eyes glassy and voice wavering, your bottom lip is quivering, on the verge of tears of pure fear that Jungkook would resent you for your decision. “I told the recruiter to give that position away to someone else.”

“And why would I be mad at that?” He says, pulling you into his embrace, pressing a chaste kiss against your cheek before nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry I lashed out. I’m glad you came to that decision, I’m glad you’re telling this. Even if it’s not on the sidelines of the swimming pool with me, nagging at me what to do. Because you’ll still be there to support me.”

Your shoulders slouch, still feeling guilty wash over you like a tidal wave. “I just didn’t want you to be upset because of how much effort you went through to get me there. To even get me that offer.”

“I didn’t do anything, love.” Before a tear can escape further down your face, he swipes it away with the pad of his thumb after he pulls away. “You did that all yourself. They found you, knew who you were, and loved you. I just led them to find you. So, what did you decide on instead if you didn’t take that apprenticeship? Are you attending another University?”

“No,” You respond abruptly, rubbing your head into his chest again, muttering your next words into the fabric of his shirt. “She told me that it doesn’t take away my opportunity to still attend University there. So I enrolled there as undecided.”

There’s silence between the two of you before he finally speaks up. “Undecided?”

You don’t want to face him. Especially if the expression on his face may show disappointment, and that’s the least thing you want to do to Jungkook on your list. “Yes.” You mumble. “I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I thought at least going to college and trying to figure out while I’m there would be at least a start in the right direction.”

Grasping you by the shoulders, he tugs you away to clearly see your face. Finally meeting his gaze, his face showed the opposite. A gleaming smile pulling on the edges of his lips with eyes that shine and sparkle underneath this lighting, you’re stunned by his reaction. “I’m so proud of you!”

“What?” Lips swollen from the crying, you pout, almost bursting out in hyperventilating tears because you didn’t want this to end before college even starts. “You chose something. You made a decision on your own, solely based on what you felt was the best for you, not because you wanted to make someone else happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you.” Jungkook is effortlessly unselfish because he wants you to be his personal coach, yet he’s telling you to do what you want to do. “I just want you to be happy. I’m happy if you are.”

“But... I should be honest with you.” He’s the one who seems uneasy now, chewing on his bottom lip anxiously. “I... not only accepted the scholarship, but they want to send me to the States for a couple months in the summer for training with Taehyung.”

You’re not stupid. What that’s code for is that there’s a chance they’re going to keep Jungkook there, offer him another University scholarship elsewhere in the States, and continue his training. How could they not? With the way he swims, his drive and ability to adapt to any situation, he’s desirable to any team. He might not be yours anymore, and as much as you wished you could keep him all to yourself, he’s Jungkook. Who wouldn’t want him?

You learned that ever since you met him. Jungkook is so wonderful, he’s meant to be shared, and everyone should know him. He’s the spark in your life that you never knew you needed until you meet him.

It only sucked because it felt like once you finally got him, it’s already time to let him go.

Yet when you see him standing by your side in the crowd of people in your class, on a large patch of grass that they call a football field, cap and gown in the shades of your school colors, you can’t hate anyone for wanting a piece of him. He’s only eighteen but he’s managed to accomplish so many of his goals in such a short span of time. He’s able to catch the attention of an audience bigger than the crowd at Madison Square Garden. He was able to swoon the majority of the female population in your high school. Jungkook did what even he thought was impossible, he did more than exceed his own expectations.

So when you’re standing with your diplomas in hand after throwing your cap in the air, the grin that’s glued onto his face does everything to your heart. How lucky were you to experience a first love like Jeon Jungkook?

There wasn’t much time left. Graduation is over, degrees now in hand, and futures that are waiting for your attendance.

It’s Summer again, the excruciating heat beaming from the sun’s rays reappearing, an entire year passing by since your confession to Jungkook. Although you’d rather be spending your anniversary in the next few days leading up to it, there’s a different occasion tonight under this familiar sweltering heat.

Jungkook leaves tomorrow at noon for America yet he’s procrastinating the remaining stuff he needs to pack for his trip. Well, he says it’s a trip, but you have a feeling that his stay is going to be longer than anticipated.

If you’re being truly honest with yourself, you’re scared. Eighteen, best friend/boyfriend who had been with you your entire life is leaving for the unknown. Your other best friend is leaving to pursue her dreams elsewhere as well, alone and without anyone to support her physically.

But you can’t help but think about yourself. What did this mean for you, someone who was losing the most important people in her life that were all going to hunt their aspirations, while you were just... undecided?

Laying in the field of grass, head resting comfortably on Jungkook’s arm while his other sits on his chest, the two of you admire the sunset in the midst of your silence. The hues of red, pink, orange, and yellow fill the sky, dancing and blurring into one another, gifting you a sight that you’re grateful to view with Jungkook. It was going to be a while before you got to see him again, and you’re hopeful that it’ll feel just the same.

“Three months,” He’d repeat constantly, every time he sees the pain in your expression. You both had gone so long without truly being each other, and now that you finally fessed up your hidden emotions, it’s hard to let go. “It’s only going to be for three months. Then you’d have me again.”

“But you don’t know that.” You’d say, heart tightening in agony. “There’s so much of this world that wants you, Jungkook. University is just one of the potential first stops. Someone is going to take you away, whether you like it or not. You just have too much talent and potential.” Jungkook doesn’t agree with you, but he doesn’t voice this. Not tonight, at least, if it’s the last time he gets to be with you for a while.

Just like the sun, Jungkook eventually has to go away. He leaves for the States with Taehyung to train for the summer, projecting that he’d be back in time for the fall semester to start University with you. Even through texts and phone calls you get from him, he can’t give you a date when he’d be back, but he misses you dearly. You want to stay hopeful that he does return, attending classes with you again, study-dates, meeting up for coffee afterwards, have lunch and dinner, and continue your sleepovers, maybe even find an apartment and move in together.

Yet again, Jungkook... he’s effortlessly Jungkook. The guy loved by everyone, yet has the hardest time loving himself. The guy who has such a promising future, one that’s almost a guaranteed dream come true for him. There’s no need for exchanges of ‘I love yous,’ because you know he does, yet you don’t want to hold him back, so you let him go. Whether or not he comes back for the fall semester, you’re not sure, but one thing you do know is that Jeon Jungkook will be your first everything, and your current everything.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jungkookxreader #jungkook x reader #bts #bts smut #jungkook smut #gyukultfics

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runrundoyourstuff · 3 years

Text

Seasons

(A Steven Universe Fic, 2632 words)

Written with love for a holiday exchange with the wonderful @mimik-u !

Prompt: Steven teaches one of the Diamonds about something beautifully mundane (a la Peridot learning about rain.)

It’s almost comical how the Dondai pales in size when compared to the Arm Ship—and the magnitude of the difference only grows as Steven descends the ridge. There are some items, both of human and Gem origin, that seemed larger when he was smaller—when he was younger—when everything mysterious in the world, every new thing he learned about himself, filled him with wonder. The Diamond ships, however, are not among these items. They’re as large now as they always seemed to him, if not quite as foreboding. As are the Diamonds themselves, and he is reminded of this, as Yellow disembarks from her spacecraft.

She doesn’t see him right away. Or if she does notice the car, she doesn’t have the frame of reference to recognize it as his, and even after he parks it beside the ship and gets out, it’s several moments before she turns around and acknowledges him standing there.

“Steven!”

“Hey, Yellow.”

“When I called, I hadn’t realized…” She sputters. “Your...your family returned my message to inform me that you were leaving on a conquest—”

“A conquest?”

“Yes, they said that you were going to travel—”

“Yeah, but not on a conquest!”

“Of course, of course, a scouting mission, then—”

“No! Nothing like that! Just a trip! I just...needed to hit the road for a while. Figure out what’s next.”

“I...right, of course. Your—I mean, the Pearl said that you would be taking a hiatus from your Diamond duties…”

At this, Steven chuckles. “Pearl wants me to.” But then he becomes serious. “I shouldn’t laugh. She’s trying to make sure that I take care of myself. She—all of them really, want to make sure I know that I don’t have to be involved in any Gem stuff if I don’t want to. That it’s my choice. And ya know, it’s true that I don’t want it to be my whole life, not like it was when I was a kid. And because there’s no hierarchy anymore, I do want to give other Gems a chance to manage things on Earth if they want to—to show them it doesn’t always have to be a Diamond, and I’m not a Diamond anyway—but I do want to be involved, ya know? Or at least know what’s going on! I put so much work into everything, and not all of it was bad. I was really proud of a lot of what we did, and the Gems are my family…” A pause. “Anyway, that’s all to say that I routed some of the messages from the Base to my phone.”

“I see. I…” She pauses. “I didn’t intend...You did not need to come. I merely called because I didn’t want to catch you off guard. Give your...our...Given my history, I thought if I showed up on your planet unannounced—”

“It’s not my planet.”

“No, of course not. I meant the planet on which you reside. I’ve already...I did not intend to make you feel that…that you needed to come fix—”

Steven raises a hand. “I know. I just happened to be in the area, so I thought I’d stop by. Say hi.”

“Ah. Alright.” The silence resounds. Yellow’s eyes flit away.

“So,” Steven says after a moment—looking for something, anything, to cut through the quiet. “Why Zona?”

“Is that what this place is called?” Yellow glances around. “I needed an area of the Earth where I would cause the least disruptions, where I could dig a sufficiently large hole such that I could access the Cluster. I initially planned on going to one of the Kindergartens, as we’d already irrevocably destroyed all hope of organic life thriving there—I thought I could minimize the destruction. But each already has a fairly extensive subterranean framework that makes it impossible for me to dig deep enough.” She sighs. “I realize this place isn’t perfect. My digging will certainly disrupt some of the plant life. But it appeared at least that there were few humans in the vicinity…”

“Mm.” Steven leads against the hood of his car. “I’m surprised you brought your ship out here and didn’t just Warp. We’re not that far from the Beta Kindergarten, and there’s a Warp there...”

“Those Warps weren’t built for us. We’re much too large.”

“I guess that’s true, but you could always shapeshift.”

“Hmm. I suppose. But there was also the equipment to bring.”

“Equipment?”

“Yes, I...There are...billions of shards in the Cluster. I figured...if I am going to dismantle it and reconstruct each of the Gems whose shards it conatiend, it would likely be easier for me to do it on Earth, rather than bringing all the Shards back to Homeworld. I don’t want to risk losing any of them or damaging any of them even further in transit…And while I may need to ultimately to transport some of them back to Homeworld to locate all the pieces, and though it may be disconcerting for the other Gems to reform on Earth...I…” She leaves the syllable hanging in the air, turns her head away. Steven can just barely make out her tense jaw as though she is gritting her teeth. Sparks radiate from her skin.

“Yellow? Are you...okay?”

“I’m fine!” But then she bows her head, inhales and releases, murmurs: “I apologize, Steven. I am not angry with you. I simply…It has been difficult enough for me to face each of the Gems I have reconstructed on Homeworld. Once they recover from the shock and the terror, they have each looked at me with such disdain. And those Fusion experiments, while they were certainly terrible, pale in comparison to the Cluster. I can only imagine what each of the Gem’s contained within it will feel. And I will deserve it. I hurt so many Gems in the service of the Empire.”

Steven opens his mouth to respond, but before he can, Yellow continues, speaking ever rapidly, ever louder, as though desperate to expel the words. “Do not try to assuage my guilty conscience! That...is not your responsibility. I shouldn’t have just put you in a position to think that it was.”

Another tentative backpedaling, Steven thinks. A walking on eggshells moment, like he’s witnessed with the Gems and Dad over the past several months. And difficult though it is for him to sometimes believe, it’s not as though Yellow is wrong, at least not if he trusts his therapist. But there is a distant look in her eye, a panicked tension in her cheeks, which, when coupled with the fact that this is the first time he’s seen her since his breakdown, makes Steven wonder if she is remembering that day on the beach.

His own memories of it are fuzzy-to-nonexistant; he remembers the pain, and the panic, and the anger he’d held despite knowing that he shouldn't. Then, he has a vague impression of multiple embraces, of Connie kissing his forehead, of crying hot, cathartic tears...And then he’d woken up in the Cluster’s hand, with the eyes of most of the people he loved and almost everyone he’d ever fought all on him.

Despite his own lack of recollection, however, Connie assures him that she’d given everyone—the Diamonds included—something of a blunt talking to that day, a rallying speech, but she won’t elaborate on the specifics of what exactly she’d said. Might that—whatever its contents— be behind Yellow’s hasty assurances now?

“Okay,” Steven responds finally. “I won’t try to make you feel less guilty. But can I show you something?”

Yellow furrows her eyebrows. “Very well.”

“It’s just on the top of the canyon.”

They deliberate for a few moments on the details. Yellow offers to carry him, but even if she’s not White, Steven declines being held in a Diamond’s hand, and while she could shapeshift to fit in the passenger seat of the Dondai, she ultimately elects to simply follow behind the car as Steven slowly drives it up the cliff.

They reach the plateau just as the sun begins to dip in the horizon, casting a golden glow over the grass, over the Autumn leaves, just starting to paint themselves with the vibrant shades that return year after year.

Steven opens the door and steps out. “You never spent much time on Earth, did you?”

Yellow considers. “No.”

“Do you know what I think my mom fell in love with about this planet?”

“Organic life, of course. Humans.” She gestures to Steven. “Obviously.”

“Well, yeah, but not just them. Us. I think it was this stuff too.”

Yellow squints. “These weeds?! These...dying outgrowths?!”

“With things that change. Things that grow. There’s so much of it here.”

“Hm.”

Steven paces over to the grass, then sinks down onto it so that it brushes against his bare calves. It’s mostly soft on his skin but there are dryer patches too, scratchier places on the ground as some of the longer areas start to dry out for the season. The sun dips lower in the sky, and it leaks hues of pink and orange onto the daytime canvas of darkening blue. Yellow looms behind him.

“Feel this.” He pats the ground next to him, and tries not to wince as Yellow’s gargantuan hand settles down on the grass. “You might not be able to tell, but it’s growing. Even right now. By the time the snow—frozen water that falls from the sky—starts to cover it in a few months, it’ll probably be a few inches taller than it is right now. And then it’ll take a break for a while, but when Spring comes next year—when the weather gets warmer again—it’ll start again.

“The trees too. Look out there—they grow taller every year, and every year the leaves change into those beautiful colors you can see. And the shades are similar every year, but never exactly the same. Then the leaves fall off, and then bud again and come back. And the trees keep getting taller. And every time the leaves return, the whole tree is a little bit different too.”

Yellow hesitates. “These are familiar to me. Someone, I believe a Peridot—your Peridot—”

“She’s not my Peridot, but I know who you mean.”

“Yes...Well, she brought some of these...trees...from Earth to Homeworld, and determined how best to make them grow there. I’ve been gazing at them through the windows of the palace ever since, but I hadn’t realized how elaborate, how ever-present, their growth cycles were…”

“I’ve lived on Earth my whole life, and I only just started thinking about it recently. It’s easy to take for granted, but it’s really incredible when you stop to think about it.” He angles his head upward. “And it’s not just the plants. Look at the sky. It changes like this every day.” A pause. “Well, it’s really not the sky that’s changing—Connie told me that it’s an effect of how the planet moves around our sun. But from down here on Earth, it looks like it’s always changing. In a different way every day. I don’t think it’s like that on Homeworld.”

Yellow settles next to him at last, squatting, and then kneeling. “It isn’t. Things are constructed on Homeworld—not grown. We have a sun, but our sky does not transform like this.”

“Exactly. And I think that’s why my mom fell in love with the Earth so much. She was so in awe of how everything naturally grew and changed here.” Steven sighs, clenches him gemstone beneath his hand. “I’m still angry at her a lot of the time, but, like, I get it. She saw herself as this monster.” Here Steven pauses, glances away for a moment before finally letting the words return. “And she didn’t think that she was capable of growth or change. All she thought she could do was pretend to be someone else. And then she found herself on this planet where all anything did was grow for real, and she wanted to be a part of that even in some small way, so she made me.”

“Steven…”

“But the point is, she was wrong. She could have grown as herself. I think she did, even if she couldn’t see it. And she and I aren't the only Gems that grew. All of my friends and family have. None of us is the same as we were when I was a kid. Maybe it just took coming to Earth to see that, ya know? Gems can grow and change, just like the trees can, and the grass, and the sky.

“So yeah,” Steven continues. “White hurt you, and you hurt Mom, and Mom hurt Pearl and Garnet and Amethyst and Spinel and you, and everyone she hurt hurt me, and I hurt Jasper and Dad and a lot of people and could have hurt a lot more, and you hurt all the Gems who were corrupted, and who became the Fusion experiments and the Cluster...and that’s all true, and we all have to deal with that and make the things we did wrong right the best that we can. And it’s hard, and it sucks. But the ways we’ve been hurt and hurt other people aren’t all we are. We can grow and change too. As ourselves. I think the Earth is just one big reminder of that.”

Yellow’s brows are once again furrowed, her jaw agape. “I…”

“So, yeah, it’s going to be hard to face all the Gems in the Cluster as you put them all back together. But it’s the right thing to do. And if it ever becomes too much, you can always come up here, and watch the world change and grow to remind yourself that you’re growing too. You’re better than you were, and if you keep working at it, you’ll keep getting better.”

Then, without waiting for Yellow to respond, Steven stands, walks back over to the Dondai. “Now, I gotta hit the road. I want to get to Vegas by tomorrow. It was nice to see you, Yellow.”

“You as well, Steven.” Yellow rises to her feet.

“Good luck,” he calls out the window as he pulls away, and glancing in the rearview mirror, he sees Yellow’s arm raised in farewell, something like a small, apprehensive smile on her lips.

Six months later, after a sojourn up and down the West Coast, Steven returns to the ridge en route back to Beach City for a visit. He pulls up just as the sun is rising over the canyon, glinting off Yellow’s arm ship, and off of the chest and arms and backs of the little gaggle of Gems gathered next to the ship and the adjacent hole. Yellow is not among them, though. She stands on the crest of the cliff, gazing at the trees, at the little buds beginning to spring into being on each branch.

“Steven.” She turns to him in greeting as he gets out of the car.

“You’ve been busy!”

“Yes, we’re progressing nicely.”

“We?”

Yellow nods. “Some of the Gems I reconstructed from the Cluster decided to remain here to help. Then others in Little Homeworld—and even a few on Homeworld itself—learned about what we were doing, and traveled here to volunteer.” She pauses. “They’re here for the sake of the Gems inside the Cluster, not for me. Still, it is nice not to be alone.”

“Mm.”

Yellow turns from the trees to the canyon, in the direction of the rising sun. The growing orange light catches her Gemstone too, and it glimmers in it. “It’s a beautiful morning.”

“Yeah,” Steven says. “It is.”

[ao3]

#my fic #su #yellow diamond #steven universe #the cluster

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artificialqueens · 3 years

Text

Things That Were (Branjie) - pureCAMP

A/N - … Hi.

I won’t get into it, I don’t think I need to. But here’s a return no one expected, at least.

I wrote this based on some Feelings I have and also Jinkx’s song The Auld Lang Syne Song from… Christmas Queens 3? It has this beautiful sad, wistful, nostalgic kind of feel and it made me nostalgic for love and that strange time between Christmas and New Years. Largely sad, mostly bittersweet. Dedicated to my love Ortega, and in part for the nostalgia fic challenge.

I appreciate any and all support I’ve been given over these past months.

You have a new memory from (1) years ago!

Brooke swipes across absent-mindedly. She doesn’t think much about it, they pop up all the time in the holiday season. There’s a little loading screen, decorated with animated tinsel, that flashes in her face before every ounce of breath is knocked out of her body.

This is what dying feels like. Brooke wonders if there’s a loading screen before entrance into the afterlife. She supposes it would allow the dead some time to adjust, at least.

It’s a perfect, filtered picture. The Christmas tree looks beautiful, even as the pine dies, all decked in shades of red and gold, glittering twists and lights that twinkle gently enough to lull you to sleep. It stands tall in the background of the photo, illuminating everything with a cosy glow. At the forefront of the image, Brooke is that kind of happy, sleepy, warm drunk. Full of Baileys, probably, and little mini mince pies and leftover chocolate from boxes opened and half-finished. There’s a glass of red wine behind her, slightly visible on the table. She’s cradling Henry to her chest, kissing the top of his head.

Vanessa is next to her. The remnants of plum lipstick still on her lips, grinning, Apollo in her arms. She’s beautiful. She looks and feels like how Christmas is supposed to - welcoming, kind, gentle, sweet. And Brooke knows that she’s drunk too, and right after this she burst into laughter and her foghorn voice shattered the cosiness and it was so right and so them. And she knows how her stomach had twisted horribly after they took it.

It’s perfect. She won’t share this one. It will stay in her archives. It’s really been a year, huh.

The cats look at her accusingly, as if they know. They probably do know. They know everything about Brooke. Every flaw, every fault. If they could speak, she knows they’d ask for Vanessa instead of her. Well, tough. Vanessa’s gone, Brooke thinks, almost aggressively as if she’s trying to telepathically tell them so. Vanessa’s been gone for a year.

Or has she? Vanessa isn’t the one who left. Vanessa isn’t the one who walked out without warning, who pretended the bliss was as blissful as it looked and then ran from it all. No, no, that was Brooke.

She shuts off her phone, clicks the button to make the picture fade to black. The switch from warm and bright to black is jarring. It’s probably how Vanessa felt, waking up to an empty bed.

“Brookieeeeee,” Vanessa sings. She’s grinning, cheesing so hard that her eyes have disappeared, nothing but the flicker of a fake eyelash visible from them. “Brooklyn Briiiiiidge…”

Brooke turns, laughing, and waves away the whistles and teasing mumbles from their friends. “Vanjie?”

She pushes her lips together and makes kissy noises, wordlessly begging. Brooke gently holds her chin, lifts her head, kisses. She tastes like cinnamon and nutmeg and chocolate, a festive concoction of things that Brooke usually hates but loves on her. Vanessa looks amazing in gold and she’s an Oscar from head to toe, sparkling, beautiful.

Akeria makes pointed eye contact with Brooke, then mimes gagging herself with two fingers.

Vanessa rolls her eyes, the fondness on her face so evident that it could light up the entire bar. “I love you.”

And Brooke kisses her. The kiss says what it needs to.

Christmas a whole year ago. Brooke made a series of decisions. Stupid ones, maybe. Definitely. She doesn’t know who she’s kidding.

Funny how she finds it so hard to kid herself. Apparently, she had no issue kidding Vanessa.

A little while after Silky comments that Brooke really shouldn’t still be living in the shithole apartment she rented at 20, she realises that as rude and bluntly honest it had seemed at the time, she’s right. She resolves not to mention this to Silky, in case her ego inflates too far and she flies away like Aunt Marge (she thinks this with love), and starts looking online. And it’s impossible.

So out comes the phone, because there’s only one person to go to for this. For anything. Because she’s always there and she’s always willing and she only ever wants some quality time as payment.

B: Vanjie [8.22pm]

B: Vanjerella….. [8.22pm]

B: Vanessaaaaaa [8.23pm]

V: brooke lynn hytes [8.24pm]

B: Not the full name… am I in trouble? [8.24pm]

V: do u wanna be? ;) [8.24pm]

B: Hmm… I’ll think about it… [8.24pm]

B: Anyway I need your heeeeeelp [8.24pm]

V: i gotchu boo [8.25pm]

V: what u need baby [8.25pm]

B: Cutie [8.25pm]

B: I’m going apartment hunting, help me look? Idk what to even look for [8.25pm]

V: exciting!!!!!! [8.26pm]

V: babyyyyy this is so exciting for u omg!!! I love moving [8.26pm]

V: i hope i can help!! im usually terrible at this but i think we’ll have fun!! [8.26pm]

V: although i gotta wonder what made u ask me instead of somebody smart like nina [8.27pm]

B: Ah shit, great point nvm I’ll ask her [8.28pm]

B: Jk. Asked u because ur always here visiting, may as well find something u like as well <3 [8.28pm]

V: u bout to make a bitch cry [8.29pm]

Vanessa was over in maybe ten minutes tops, Brooke remembers. It was like she could read Brooke’s mind, and she’d brought coffee for them both to keep them going and even a little bag of kitty treats from the place she’d stopped at (“a guy was sellin’ them outside and I felt a little sorry for him in the cold so I bought ‘em. They’re good, the ones you usually get!”). They were up for hours scrolling, and then searching in person just so that she could act as a second opinion.

Brooke stands up from the couch and walks slowly, heavily, towards the window. Her Christmas tree is silver this year, silver and purple, and as pretty and icy as it had seemed when she decorated it, it feels cold and desolate now. It reflects on the glass and for a moment it’s hard to focus on the world outside when the world inside is so disturbed, but she manages. Dark as it is, the lights of the city are never gone, and she has a beautiful view of a metropolitan paradise laid out beneath her.

Vanessa loved the view. She picked it, in a way. Brooke was unsure about the viewing, and Vanessa wheedled, tugging her arm and telling her she’d love it.

She did love the view. But it was Vanessa’s view, that she saw first, that she loved first. Now it just makes Brooke feel sick. Sick at herself. Like it’s not hers to look at, and she shouldn’t.

She looks away.

A change of scenery helps to calm the mind, Brooke thinks. Nina told her that once, she vaguely recalls, as she sobbed helplessly into the arms of the only one who would listen. The only one who didn’t think of her as a raging evil bitch, and more of a hopeless coward instead. It’s not much better, but it’s a small comfort given how much she hates herself for it. She’s more inclined to go with what the rest of them all thought after it happened.

It’s late, anyway. Maybe it really is time to read a book and push down the thoughts and try to sleep away the regret.

“Oh god, oh god. Vane- fuck,” She breathes.

Waves of pleasure shoot through her, beginning deep in her belly and sending shockwaves all up Brooke’s back. Her hands grasp at the sheets around her head, desperate, clinging, her mind and body totally incognizant of each other. Her body is on fire, and her mind isn’t even functioning correctly.

Vanessa’s mouth is hot and fast and her tongue is skilled, and every time she grazes over her clit with the swift, feather-light touches Brooke thinks she’s going to pass out. Her fists grab tighter and her toes curl and a gasp floats from her lips, accidental, unstoppable. She manages to tear one hand away and threads it into Vanessa’s dark hair, urging her to keep going.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, fuck…” She manages.

The goddess between her legs doesn’t stop, not until long after the inaudible mumblings have stopped falling from Brooke’s lips and her breaths are finally starting to slow, and she wonders how Heaven is meant to be above them when she feels herself sinking into it right now. Brooke thinks absent that maybe Heaven is here and everything else is Hell because nothing feels like being with Vanessa feels, and when they’re naked and intertwined and breathless and warm maybe they’re closer to God than they’ll ever be.

She catches herself before three words make their way out.

“God, this fucking mattress…” Is what she ends up producing. It’s digging into her back, lumpy and old. She’s only just noticed, in truth.

Vanessa’s head lifts, her makeup smudged in a way that feels beyond sinful to look at. She licks her lips coyly, sucks off her finger, and offers a lazy, heady sort of smile.

“The mattress? That’s all you got, boo?”

She’s laughing, happy, delirious. Brooke laughs too. “I don’t have to say anything about you. Isn’t the state of me enough?”

It is. On her back, chest peppered with bruises not yet formed, chest rising and falling beyond her control, legs still twitching slightly. Brooke’s completely spent, blissed out, exhausted. Vanessa’s still worn out from hers and yet her tongue is musical and the melodies were handcrafted by all the muses of the ancient world.

Still smiling, Vanessa shifts so she’s hovering on top of Brooke and then leans down to kiss her, their bodies colliding, Brooke tasting herself on the lips of her lover. It’s nights like these that make her feel like the world is a good place to be. That everything is fixable, everything is brilliant.

“We should get you a new mattress, baby,” Vanessa tells her when they break apart. “And I’ll probably never leave.”

Brooke forces a laugh, but the idea isn’t laughable. Vanessa and Forever go hand in hand, somehow.

And they do go shopping for a mattress for Brooke’s place. They wander through stores and discuss mattress firmness and size and height and flop down until they feel as though they’re ready to drop, and then Vanessa lands on one and yells “BROOKIE!” so loud that her voice - that goddamn voice - almost shatters the glass. She’s laying down with a beam on her face like nothing Brooke’s ever seen, pure sunshine, and she clearly has the best taste in mattresses because when she buys it, Brooke’s never slept so good in her life.

The bed is cold. Brooke deserves a cold bed. She left Vanessa in one, so it’s the least she can deal with it.

They weren’t always at Brooke’s - sometimes it was Vanessa’s too, for the sake of variety. Looking back on those memories makes Brooke feel like the biggest idiot in the world. Which she is, of course, and she knows it. But even here, the mini Christmas tree is cold and isolated, and Vanessa gave it to her as an early gift last Christmas, and Vanessa chose the mattress, and Vanessa picked the view. Brooke stares at everything that Vanessa has touched in her life and wonders why in the world she let herself ruin something so good. It’s selfish and stupid and self-sabotaging and that angel of a woman deserves so much more.

She thinks about sharing the picture. She could caption it with that song, ‘Now I’m in the house you chose and the bed you bought to face your perfect view’, and that could be her apology. Because she knows all too well she’s too much of a blind coward to say it properly. And Vanessa won’t see it even if she does share, because they’re not friends anymore. Someone will get it to her - probably Silky - but that’s not worth it.

Brooke opens her phone again, and swipes away from the picture before she does something stupid. Then she opens her texts.

B: Are you busy? [10.11pm]

B: Oh shit sorry, just saw Yvie’s insta, u guys are out tonight. Ignore this x [10.13pm]

N: No no! They’re out, I’m home because I was working all day and I was too tired :( [10.19pm]

N: What do you need hun? <3 [10.20pm]

B: If ur tired it’s okay, I’ll talk to u another time x [10.20pm]

N: Shut up. I’m here [10.21pm]

N: I think I know what’s going on. Right time of year [10.21pm]

B: I’m just an idiot, idk [10.22pm]

N: Nope. Stay where you are, I’m coming over. [10.22pm]

N: Did she text you? [10.24pm]

B: She’s not that stupid lmao why would she [10.24pm]

Nina is the only one who bothered to ask what the hell was going on when it happened. It’s not like Brooke can blame the others, and she doesn’t either. If someone did that to her best friends, she would be the same. And she is the same - she hates herself passionately for it. But Nina has this untraceable kindness to her, this unfathomable tenderness that seems to have no beginnings, no ends, no limits. It flows so freely from her, like a gift.

She has no idea how much time passes by crying and looking blankly at her phone, or even any idea when she started crying, but the doorbell rings and Brooke answers it already in tears and Nina sweeps her into a hug like it’s the easiest thing in the world, and maybe it is. To love your friends is easy and natural, like taking a breath in clean air.

To love someone special is like inhaling in water, drowning, getting lost. And you have to be content with the helplessness in order to survive it, or at least strong enough to swim and keep it going. You can’t just sink. Brooke couldn’t handle drowning.

“I’m a fucking idiot,” She weeps into Nina’s arms, once her choking sobs settle into streaming tears. It’s not better, just different. “I wanted to be with her forever and that was so fucking scary.”

Nina rubs her back. “Breathe, breathe. It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.”

“Is- is she okay?”

Stupid question. Brooke isn’t sure she even wants to know.

The hug finishes; they’re on the couch again. Nina pulls out her phone, frowning, and pauses like she’s thinking. She looks guilty, which is unusual.

“I would never normally show a friend’s text, y’know? It’s private, I don’t do all that betraying trust stuff. But I know she’ll delete these tomorrow morning and I think you should see them before she does.”

V: so its been a ear then hasnr it [10.56pm]

V: a year of fwithout brook [10.56pm]

V: honestly fuck her yknw what i man [10.56pm]

V: she fuckin broke mt heart man why did she do that [10.56pm]

V: i miss her an the stupid vats so muhc [10.57pm]

V: tha sonf auld lang syne plaed earlier in the bar bef4 eht club [10.57pm]

V: very apropaotye hahahahksjkdh [10.57pm]

V: may rhe acwanriance be forgot forever and fuckung ever [10.57pm]

V: is okay i can lobe w the bitternness [10.57pm]

V: i just kisd girls unt il it dont hurt [10.57pm]

Brooke sobs. Again, loud, shaking, broken. Because Vanessa is hurting so much even a year after it happened and everything feels so raw and it’s entirely her own fault for crushing the dream they were building.

“I miss her so fucking much, I don’t know why- I don’t know why I walked out,” She babbles, helpless and hopeless and hurt. “I’m fucking lying, Nina, I know why, I know why I did it. Why did I fucking-”

She knows all too well. Because Vanessa helped her pick an apartment and Vanessa picked her bed and Vanessa loved her cats. Because Brooke could imagine them getting married and growing old and it had barely been four months by the time Christmas and New Years were rolling around and everything seemed so serious and so intense, and that didn’t mean it wasn’t fun but it was scary in the same breath because speed was terrifying.

Brooke is bitter, but only at herself.

New Years Day. January 1st, a brand new year, a bright new start. The frost glistens freshly on the undisturbed morning, and all across the city, singles and couples sleep through the dawn, hungover or still passed out drunk, party hats akimbo, party blowers still suspended in smudged lipsticky mouths.

It’s early, enough that the daylight is blinding but pale and faded. Vanessa’s bedroom has the huge window that she never covers, and she sleeps through it like the dead. Brooke wakes up and looks around.

She looks at everything but Vanessa, but eventually her gentle snuffling is too much to ignore and she looks down at her beautiful sleeping form. She’s a disaster, hair everywhere and glitter still all over her face, and she’s the most breathtaking woman in the entire wide world. Something heavy and all encompassing sweeps into Brooke’s chest, and she can identify it by name. It’s only four letters, but it strikes a fear in her like an old god from a lost world. She needs to vomit. She needs to run. She needs an escape.

Before she even knows who she is again, any of the things that ended up staying half their time at Vanessa’s are stuffed into a couple of carrier bags and she’s in her dress from the party and out of the door into the cold winter air, panicked, unable to breathe.

It’s a heart attack, she thinks. Or a panic attack. It’s an attack that feels like it’s going to kill her, and she runs away, and she runs all the way home and barricades the door shut, dropping her belongings on the floor, numb and confused and cold. It’s the start of the new year and she begins it alone, hyperventilating.

Within a couple of days the worried texts subside and the angry vengeful ones start flooding in, and just like that Brooke’s lost the best thing that ever happened to her and all of her friends along with it. Because she got up on new year’s day and abandoned Vanessa fast asleep and that was the end.

It’s ugly and chilling, how much she cries into Nina’s gentleness. The only thing that stops her is, ironically, the thing that makes her feel worse, the characteristic ‘ping!’ of Nina’s phone, undoubtedly more drunk texts.

V: i hoper he fucjibg bubble bursts this tie of year [11.23pm]

V: every jhanduary first for the rest of hersitnkin life [11.23pm]

“I deserve it,” Brooke whispers hoarsely, “But she doesn’t. She never did.”

“Neither of you do,” Nina tells her sadly. “They don’t all hate you, they hate what you did the way friends always do when breakups happen. You both deserve to be happy. And both of you have been dreading New Year’s for this exact reason.”

It hurts to hear, and Brooke wishes she doesn’t have to listen, but her friend is so goddamn wise it feels stupid not to.

“Two days until it’s officially New Year.” Nina kisses her hand. “Can you keep living like this, Brooke?”

It’s not like she even has to say it for Brooke to understand. “She hates me.”

Nina shakes her head. “No she doesn’t. She loves you.”

“That’s worse.”

“You love her.”

“I know.”

“You got scared.”

“I still am.”

“Face your fears.” Nina holds her at arm’s length, forcing her to look right into her face. “This hurts more than what blundering through it would, surely? Fire doesn’t always mean you get burned, sweetie. Sometimes it just warms you.”

She makes no fucking sense.

“I can’t play with Vanessa like that again.” Brooke swears. “I can’t.

The transitional period between Christmas and New Year doesn’t feel like real time. It’s just liminal space, a waiting room of chronology, a suspension in space. If she’s honest, trying now causes no harm, because it’s like it didn’t even happen. Maybe she should, maybe she will.

Eventually Nina leaves, pressing a kiss to her forehead and promising that somehow everything is going to be okay. She’s like a fairy godmother, Brooke thinks to herself. Always knowing, always positive, and total magic to behold.

She’s awake all night long just staring at the time on the top of her phone, lying in bed sideways and wondering if she’ll do it. It has to be right. It can’t be when she’ll still be awake and drunk and angry. But it can’t be on the anniversary of her biggest fuck up, because that just feels like some kind of sick joke and that’s not what she wants.

The entire night passes. At six am, her finger hovers over the send button for a full three minutes. She counts the seconds.

B: I fucked up. If u’ll have me, I’ll never mess u around again. I didn’t know I could love someone so much and then u came along and everything sped up and I wasn’t fast enough. I shouldn’t have thrown away what we had when it was as close to perfect as anything can get. This message is all me me me I I I but if ur okay with it, I think new year should begin right this time. I’ll hold u and I won’t let go, and u don’t even have to hold me as long as ur here. Everything is up to u. I’ll learn to live with what I did if u say no. Because I totally get why u should hate me. I hate me too, kinda. U did nothing wrong. U were and will always be perfect. [6.03am]

B: Full disclosure is I was scared of how much and how quick I loved u. But it didn’t go away even when I hurt u. I was stupid to do that, and I don’t wanna do another year in the shadow of that massive mistake. [6.05am]

B: I won’t say it here, because thats cheap for u. But I’ll say it when I see u again. I promise, and I want to [6.13am]

She falls asleep with her phone in her hand after being awake all night long.

She wakes up four hours later.

V: ur dumb [9.51am]

V: theres a party at yvies for new years yknow [9.52am]

V: im not saying ill kiss u at midnight but [9.52am]

V: fuck around and find out [9.52am]

(tags: purecamp, branjie, brooke lynn hytes, vanessa vanjie mateo, lesbian au, things that were, fic challenge, nostalgia challenge, nina west)

#rpdr fanfiction #purecamp #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #lesbian au #things that were #fic challenge #nostalgia challenge #nina west #s11 #(you will always have a place here! -v)

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sayosdreams · 3 years

Text

Some tumblrs I’m thankful for this holiday season (obviously there’s a ton of ppl I’m forgetting but here’s a few in no particular order):

@grandma-noob-lord : thank you so much for being w me from the start!! You’re like an older sister-y figure to me at this point :) thanks for your support through everything — when my account got deleted, when I post stuff, when I’m struggling w stuff, etc. I really appreciate you ♥️ I love talking to u, even tho it’s p sporadic. You’re an amazing person and Im so thankful to have connect w u!

@thewayshedreamed : ahhh!! Dani, you’re amazing!! I love talking to you and reading all your fics. I consider you to be my friend (I hope that’s ok?) and I’m eternally grateful for how many of my prompts you’ve answered!! Thanks for supporting me for a long time :) I rly enjoy our convos (I know they’ve become more occasional cuz I’ve been busy — sry! — but still) ♥️♥️♥️

@perseusannabeth : Sim, you’re so kind and just overall amazing. I loved your acc, and then when I found out that you were the one being supportive and nice in my ao3 comments, I was super shocked :)) I consider u to be my friend 😊 I’m sry for taking 749363 years to answer your prompt btw. Make sure to get some sleep & say hi to Asim for me, even if it confuses him xD

@caotica-e-quieta : Idk what to say to you, Ste, except that you were one of the first writers’ whose fics I read on ao3 where I was just floored. And I was like “wow, she’s so incredibly talented”. I’m still so excited and lowkey fangirl whenever I get a message from u. ilysm ♥️ Thanks for your support through tough times :) i feel incredibly blessed to have been able to talk to you and get to know u a bit over tumblr

@julemmaes : Ire, well, first off I haven’t even known u that long but it kinda feels like I have??? I absolutely adore your writing and had an ACTUAL crush for the first time in like a year due to your amazing character building (I’m still tryna get over Ezra so plz don’t hurt him too much but don’t rub his perfect bf in my face either plz) anyway, you’re rly kind and an incredible writer and I’m so blessed to have met u :) love u & ur blog

@bookstantrash : you are probably my fav commentator (is that the correct word?) seriously, every time I post a new fic or chapter, you always reply w your detailed reactions and it gives me life and motivation to write so thank you so much for that :)) I’m also so happy that I was able to convince u to post your writing bc otherwise I wouldn’t have met Kaelin!!

@ncssian : first off, I LOVE your writing and your blog so, so much. I’m sure u know I’m addicted to A Favor and I love your blog colors. Secondly you’re so nice ♥️ thanks for cheering me up and writing me stuff and just generally being super kind and friendly to me!! And thirdly, I’m so glad to have met you through tumblr :)

@ladynestaarcheron : girl, u know I love your writing (I’ve been clear in that regard, I think) but anyway Lizo, I think you’re also a rly cool person even tho we barely talk and I love your blog!!

@moanypony8 : number 1, thanks for being so supportive!! Number 2, kudos to you for posting all your writing :)))

@letstakethedawn : I’m so glad we met through the GC and we got to talk. I’m so happy that u posted your writing and I love just generally talking to u. <3

@illyrianshadowhunter : thanks for all the likes and reblogs !! I rlyyy appreciate all the support

@nightcourtcinnamonroll : Thanks for always liking and reblogging my posts :) I love your writing btw

@simping4bookboisngrls : hi Cassie! You’re honestly so sweet and I’m so happy I was able to get to know you through the GC! (Finch & Jason r great, too) Anyway, I hope we get to talk more :)

@maastrash : hey! We haven’t talked in a while, but u were one of the first ppl I messaged and talked to on tumblr and I’m so happy we got to do that :) I love your writing & I think you’re a wonderful person <3 i hope you’re doing well!

Obv there’s a TON of ppl I adore on tumblr, so I decided to limit myself to 14 (also its 2 am so plz forgive me). But just know that I love and appreciate each and every one of you.

That mean you. Yes, you. *blows kiss*

Love you♥️

#sayosdreams #thanks #happy holidays #appreciation

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loved-lefthaunted · 3 years

Note

What are your thoughts on all the evermore songs?

oh my god. this is such a hard question for me so brace yourself. it’s taken me nearly 2 months to write this out and i still don’t think i’ve managed to encapsulate all my thoughts.

So, I have very strong feelings about evermore. I immediately loved it three times as much as folklore, for a variety of reasons. I can do a song-by-song breakdown alongside my general thoughts of the album below:

Firstly, I want to preface this by saying that I do not disregard the impact that folklore had on me prior to evermore’s release. I am not oblivious to the fact that folklore likely primed me for the sound that evermore had and that my mind was set up for a similar sounding album so was willing to receive it with more open ears.

That being said, I think that evermore is the superior album. The overall emotional range and sonic variety of the album is wider and more thought out. The different songs provide a more well-rounded listen in my opinion and give me much more emotional investment than folklore. Each individual song feels strong and there are far more songs with single potential than folklore.

So let’s get down to it:

1. Willow - iconic. The big sister that cardigan deserves. The song that I wish the Lover album had been. A song so fully devoted in such a soft and sweeet way without feeling sickly. A mature way to dedicate a song to the person that you can’t live without but in a way that doesn’t throw pink confetti at your face and tell single people to fuck off. TAKE MY HAND? OKAY TAYLOR. WRECK MY PLANS? FOR SURE BABES. THAT’S MY MAN? 100% FEEL U GAL.

2. Champagne Problems - LOOK. I AM CLAIMING THE NAME SAMPAGNE PROBLEMS FOR ALL FUTURE CONTENT. I want to be proposed to just so that I can reject them and then get wildly drunk on overpriced alcohol. It’s heartwrenching in a way that Taylor hasn’t been since the likes of Treacherous. It doesn’t throw sadness at you, overwhelm you with tears. It hides heartbreak within a soft piano riff and gorgeous imagery.

3. Gold Rush - a sapphic daydream. i cannot believe this is real. The return of a heart-thumping drumbeat and the most lovely, pure song that just describes the infatuation with someone beautiful and how you can wonder about them and be so happy about them and jealous of them all at once.

4. ‘Tis The Damn Season - this christmas song makes me wish i had a boy next door in my hometown that i could randomly sleep with. why don’t i have a fluffy hallmark holiday film based upon this premise? why isn’t there a christmas music video to show me how their interactions work during the holidays and how it differs so vastly with their normal lives? Why can i feel both the distance and the closeness that these two people feel? the cutest dedication to a very un-cute casual relationship. a bittersweet shout out to the people who make us happy for a few fleeting moments spread out over the long haul.

5. Tolerate It - i have very VERY strong feelings about this one. it feels like it both encapsulates romantic and non-romantic love so perfectly. It pairs perfectly with the likes of Closure (more on that later). We all deserve to be celebrated. In a world of people settling for less than they deserve, we should reach for those who deserve us. We are worth it. Find someone who will show us how worthy we are. It’s aching and slow and painful and just....everything. Just because someone has always been there doesn’t mean they deserve to continue to be there. Tolerating you is not the same as deserving your loyalty.

6. No Body, No Crime (feat. HIAM) - IT TOOK 14 YEARS BUT TAYLOR FINALLY MURDERED A MAN IN COLD BLOOD AND I AM HERE FOR IT. MEN ARE TRASH, LADIES. REMEMBER THIS. ENGRAVE IT INTO YOUR TOMBSTONES. TATTOO IT ON YOUR FOREHEADS. MEN AS AN ENTITY DO NOT DESERVE US. MURDER THEM. A YEEHAW DREAM. (I have no strong feelings about HIAM but the existence of Este’s name is a blessing in itself, their backing vocals are a lovely addition and a true testament to their friendship as we know how protective Taylor is about mixing business and friendship through collaborations)

7. Happiness - this song is HURTFUL. a song about growth, a song about finding yourself amidst the loss of a partner, a friend, a family member. a loss so deep that it will hurt you for years to come and take a piece of you away forever. but a loss that you have to be resigned to and grow from and let go of. the slow build of the backing is something i haven’t heard since Holy Ground. Both songs talk about loss and moving on in such starkly different ways but still encompass the feeling of reminiscing on something good and pure and perfect whilst battling the knowledge that it’s over and trying to be happy for the person now that they’re gone.

8. Dorothea - the sweetest girl in the neighbourhood. a childhood friend that we all miss having. a person we watched grow into something massive and successful and we’re so genuinely happy for them. the song encompasses the feeling of a distanced joy. a joy that has nothing to do with you, everything to do with this person that you’d be happy to accept again with open arms but will be equally as happy to watch succeed from a distance. a bouncy backing track and lovely vocalisations that really build a sense of a warm hug and the feeling of soft morning sun on your skin.

9. Coney Island (feat. The National) - alright. so i’m sat on a bench in the cold, wrapped up in a winter coat and a hat and gloves and a massive scarf that covers half of my face. i can see the air when i breathe out. there’s an empty ferris wheel at a deserted fairground and i can remember when it was alive and bustling and when i was surrounded by all of the people closest to me on a late summer’s day. and i miss them. i yearn for that to be back. the way we yearn for a time before covid, before masks and elbow touches and sanitising everything. a time when you could sit around a table with your friends and welcome someone with a hug and visit your family for the holidays. a time of joy that was so overlooked until it was gone. The presence of The National is also a breathtaking addition and truly deserved after Aaron’s input on both folklore and evermore. I’m glad they saved it for this song.

10. Ivy - this song just radiates GREEN. Am I in a forest? Am I just in a greenhouse, watering the plants? The guitar/banjo sounds make me so horrifically nostalgic for Speak Now era. The male backing vocals remind me that Taylor has evolved so far from the girl we used to exclusively listen in conjunction with Caitlin Bird and Liz Huett.

11. Cowboy Like Me - one of the only songs I don’t really care about? it’s not bad, it’s just not great. it’s yeehaw without the accompanying passion. It’s the end of a sad, sad wild west movie. It’s a backing track in a scene of a TV show when someone is going on a journey alone to find themselves. But it’s nothing special.

12. Long Story Short - DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ME. THE BEST SONG ON THIS ALBUM IN MY OPINION. THE STRONGEST BEAT, THE NOSTALGIA OF 1989, THE LYRICS OF RED, THE FUCKS GIVEN OF REPUTATION. THE PERFECT IMMERSIVE TAYLOR EXPERIENCE. TRULY A 10/10 ENTITY. I WILL HAVE THIS PLAYING AT MY GRADUATION. I SURVIVED.

13. Marjorie - the loss of a grandparent is always a lot. i’ve lost 2 due to Covid and it’s cut me deeper than I ever imagined. Marjorie is the 50′s sepia toned daydream that sends you flying back to being a child and being taught life’s most important lessons when you were far too young to understand them from someone so much wiser than you. It feels like I’m being taught to live again. Another build up backing track, but in such an uplifting way? A way that makes you think of the sun slowly coming out of the clouds. Of the end of a rainstorm and the start of a new day. Optimism and innocence. Peace and hope.

14. Closure - right, the return of sadness. The use of the clatter and discord in the background. The death of a Big Machine (subtle and perfectly done). She’s doing better. We all are. It reminds me of the friends I’ve lost and crave to have back but know I’m better off without. We have to let go of this. Close the chapter. You don’t even need the epilogue, it’s over. The production makes me so uncomfortable and it’s SO NECESSARY because lack of closure is UNSETTLING. It’s horrifying. It’s devastating. But the lyrics and the power of the song show how strong you can be and how important it is to push through the discomfort and continue to live.

15. Evermore (feat. Bon Iver) - the titular song. The return of Bon Iver’s vocals and the lone piano background are truly something to be commemorated for years to come. Although it lacks the painstaking hurt of Exile, this is one of her most simple pieces of artistry on this album and it’s BEAUTIFUL. Something that feels bare and raw. A song that cuts deep and shows us the true core of what she’s currently feeling right now: that although pain might feel forever, it’s not. all pain, much like joy, is fleeting and we have to feel it but we need to remember that it’s only a piece of our experience and place it into context. The song veers on self-pity and wallowing in hopelessness until the latter third, where suddenly hope rises out of the ashes alongside a slightly padded out production from Bon Iver’s vocals. A strong end to the album. This song sets us up for future albums on a note of optimism. It’s a new dawn.

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fanfic-corner · 3 years

Text

Christmas!

18/12/20 - It’s nearly time... so whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I hope you have a lovely holiday and enjoy reading about our boys being festive.

a covenant of salt by museaway on AO3. (5,175 words).

Tags: Christmas, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, First Time, Holidays, Fanart, Men of Letters Bunker.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: They didn’t put up a tree on Cas’s first Christmas in the bunker.

Notes: This was so wholesome and was written excellently - the ending gave me chills!

It Started with a Fanfic Competition by Tenoko1 on AO3. (124,487 words).

Tags: Humor, Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Accidental Plot, Personal Growth, Found Family, Fluff, PTSD, Therapy, Alternate Season 12, Charlie Lives, Crack, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: What started off as a game becomes a journey of friendship, love, and personal growth; filled with all the ups-and-downs that will make and bind a family.

Notes: This was written beautifully (I adore Tenoko1′s fics!). It is so wholesome, absolutely not afraid to call characters out on their bullshit, and genuinely has more character development than we see in the entire 15 seasons of the show.

Cuffed to an Angel by mattzerella_sticks on AO3. (72,529 words).

Tags: Fake Relationship, Professor Dean, Writer Dean, Detective Castiel, Fluff, Angst, Mutual Pining, Bisexual Dean, Gay Castiel, Christmas, Sharing a Bed, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, New Year’s.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester has a lot going for him: he's beloved by his students, he's finished writing his first book, and he's living comfortably in New York City. The only problem is... he's single. That wouldn't bother him much if his family wouldn't be visiting for the holidays. With cuffing season over, Dean has to face his family alone... or will he? Castiel DiAngelo is a simple detective who hasn't really celebrated Christmas in over 9 years, holidays and family being a sore spot for him. But after taking Dean up on an offer, he finds that you can't really avoid the holidays. Will these two be able to pull off a seminal holiday trope? Or will certain developments get in the way...

Notes: This was painful to read in the best way - I was waiting for the inevitable moment when everything goes bad, and when it did I was actually screaming! U absolutely adored this fic.

Welcome All Winchesters by almaasi on AO3. (60,237 words).

Tags: Romance, Fluff and Smut, Fake Relationship, Fake Marriage, Mistaken For A Couple, Friends to Lovers, Bi-Curious Dean, Artist Castiel, Chef Castiel, Agender Castiel, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Marriage Proposal, POV Alternating, Alternate Universe - Human, Domestic Fluff.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: When Dean’s engagement breaks off three days before Christmas, he’s left with nobody to accompany him on a road trip to his family’s mountain log cabin. His best friend Castiel happens to be available, and is willing to help him through a tough time. But when Dean's mother and brother arrive, expecting to meet the person Dean plans to marry, they understandably assume Castiel is Dean's fiancé. After a weekend of comfortable domesticity, sharing clothes, intimate conversations, and definitely-one-time-only therapy sex, it feels almost too easy for Dean and Cas to fake a loving, romantic relationship. The hard part is going back to being friends afterwards. They can’t keep their hands off each other, and they’ve discovered some fun things to do together which they’d never tell another soul about. And, oh boy, feelings. Now being ‘just friends’ is so impossible, it seems as if fate had another plan for them all along...

Notes: This was so cute, even if Dean was a complete idiot. Also, ferrets.

How to re-gift fruitcake and other tips for surviving the holidays by museaway on AO3. (4,663 words).

Tags: Christmas, Neighbours, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Alternate Universe - Human.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: The saying goes you should “love thy neighbor,” but Castiel Novak was the neighbor from Hell.

Notes: This was so cute and funny and sweet... my heart is gonna explode.

all those lovely things by museaway on AO3. (7,870 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe - Smith/Wesson, Christmas Party, Co-Workers, Trapped in Elevator, Cuddling & Snuggling, Ridiculous Premise, Christmas, Holidays.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Oh, no. No. No. He’s not dying in a freak elevator accident on Christmas Eve with Castiel Novak. No way.

Notes: This was so cheesy but in that really fun, Christmas rom com way.

Peace And Good Luck To All Men by KismetJeska on AO3. (31,367 words).

Tags: Christmas, Alternate Universe - Human, Humor, Dysfunctional Family, Unrequited Love.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Christmas in the Milton household was difficult enough without the added complication of guests- and if Luke and Gabriel placing bets on who can get with Sam first wasn’t bad enough, then Cas developing a ridiculous crush on his sister’s boyfriend definitely is.

Notes: This was absolutely hilarious and officially the second fic ever to convince me to ship Samifer (kind of). I love the idea of a dysfunctional family Christmas.

Snow Place Like Home (But My Home Is With You) by almaasi on AO3. (47,814 words).

Tags: Alternate Canon, Christmas, Domestic Fluff, Sam Ships It, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel’s First Christmas, Bed & Breakfast, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Smut, Marriage Proposal, POV Alternating.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: It’s Christmas Eve, and Dean, Sam and Castiel are snowed into a small town with a big festive spirit. They splurge on a fancy room in a B&B – hey, they deserve a treat. There’s a tiny plastic tree and a working TV, so they could perhaps overlook the lack of hot water and Dean having to bunk with Sam. Sleeping arrangements soon reach a happier equilibrium: Dean’s just cuddling Cas to keep him warm, he swears – the tingly feeling means nothing! Christmas Day arrives, and Cas still doesn’t have a gift for Dean. Dean doesn’t know what to give Cas, either. Sam has a few ideas, but will the other two truly understand what he means?

Notes: This was the Christmas fluff we all deserve after this year.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year by fairychangeling on AO3. (8,152 words).

Tags: Christmas, Alternate Universe, Explicit Sexual Content, Homophobia.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Castiel doesn't have a date to the office Christmas party until his best friend Dean volunteers to accompany him. Everyone thinks they’re a couple, but they’re not. At least, not at first.

Notes: This is amazing... as they say, it isn’t Christmas without a homophobe being punched! (or fired).

I Won’t Even Wish for Snow by Annie D on AO3 (6,521 words).

Tags: College/University AU, Christmas, Mistletoe, Mild Angst, First Kiss, Castiel POV, Fluff, Friends to Lovers.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: It’s the third year that Castiel’s spending Christmas with his best friend’s family, and he expects it to be much like the previous two. Then mistletoe happens.

Notes: This was so cute and hit me right in the feels!

Santa Doesn’t Wear Eyeliner by crossroadswrite on AO3. (2,091 words).

Tags: Jock!Dean, Punk!Cas, High School AU, Christmas, Secret Santa, Artist!Cas, Christmas Sweaters, Fluff.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: In which Dean is a jock, Cas is a punk and they're each other's Secret Santa.

Notes: This was so adorable - especially Dean’s nervousness - and such a great idea.

Failure (to Cuddle) is Not an Option by Annie D on AO3. (3,766 words).

Tags: Christmas, Cuddling and Snuggling, Schmoop, Angst, Humor, First Kiss, Friendship, Fluff, Plot What Plot, Dean POV.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: All Castiel wants for Christmas is to cuddle, is that really too much to ask?

Notes: This was so cute and I can totally imagine this actually happening.

So, enjoy! I wish you a very merry Christmas and hope that you stay safe and have a nice time. And don’t worry, I’ll be back in time for some New Year’s fics.

#christmas #destiel #fic recs #spn family #spn fanfiction #fanfic #supernatural

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normadeathmond · 4 years

Text

the spanish princess ep 3 thoughts

(now with pictures!)

this week was surprisingly silly for an episode named ‘grief’, and indulging in entertainingly dumb historical shenanigans is when this show is at it’s most enjoyable. comments, complaints and lots of poking fun inside.

- i am not the biggest fan of charlotte hope’s performance in this series, but i thought she did good here, showing catherine fighting her grief before putting on a brave face. i do think she would do better in the role if catherine wasn’t written as such a cardboard strong woman™ all the time.

- lmao i love wolsey and how low-key hammy phil cumbus is playing him, you can tell he’s having a whale of a time

- political genius maggie pole, everyone

- love that catherine’s seduction technique is to bring up wolsey, there rlly are three people in this marriage

- what even was that scene - catherine pressuring henry for sex, him calling blow jobs unnatural and then trying wank off to the sight of her neck (was that supposed to be a hint at him beheading his later wives)?? rip to whatever got left on the cutting floor to make room for that nonsense

- blah blah blah the scots are violent and barbaric, lather rinse repeat. i am always distracted by how there is not even one nursery maid in the whole of scotland

- i enjoy catherine dunking on the name barnaby, it deserves it. (surely one of them babies should be named henry after the king?)

- given that there’s a reference later on to thomas more being a great favourite of henry’s, why isn’t he hanging out in these council scenes? i’m sure he can still eyefuck maggie pole while also dispensing sound advice. and is howard just gone forever now? i was hoping he’d stick around as catherine’s begrudging ally

- his smug little face! perfection!

- ursula, possessor of this show’s singular brain cell: marrying for political power and monetary gain? sign me up!

- jokes aside, this was a good scene. i like that ursula isn’t portrayed as greedy, but instead someone who’s realistic about what she wants from life based on her family’s experiences so far, even if she is a little naïve to think money and titles will protect her absolutely. i also liked that maggie’s objections weren’t so much “but twu love!” as much as “but maybe find someone you can stand to be around for twenty years of marriage”

- catherine: i am a political genius also catherine: *can’t keep a straight face in public for two seconds*

- honestly catherine is a real shitty friend. i get that she’s struggling, but calling lina’s kids “ordinary children” like they don’t matter and her bitchy “you’re having a girl” last episode is such mean girl behaviour.

- the great scottish babysitter shortage of 1515 continues

- hahaha of course the one good scot™ is a raging anglophile

- also why is angus being written as such a literal angel? he’s going to have to turn into a prick at some point

- if catherine can hire lina some wet nurses do you think she can throw a few coins meg’s way for a nanny?

- please can all of catherine’s scenes just be her and wolsey cattily sniping at one another

- i really dislike how in order to make catherine seem smart everyone else has to be clueless - first advising maggie pole on how to petition the king like she’s new to court and then being the one to suggest mary pick her second husband. it’s a weak way to prop up an under-written heroine.

- my baby ;_; (georgie really is shining as an actress this season)

- this part was very cute, i like their squabbling childhood friends with secret deep romantic feelings dynamic. i thought we would get more of mary this episode though :(

- the court musician is the babysitter now? pay one female extra to hold the baby, i beg you

- sorry to my girl meg but this speech/sing-a-long was bad. this show is just not good at the rousing speeches.

- guess everyone’s going on a road trip to france! the whole royal fam taking a nice holiday to recently enemy territory seems totally believable!

- seasick wolsey is the highlight of this episode

- maggie: all creatures crave union, there’s nothing fanciful about it ♫ you and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals ♫

- ARE these two gonna fuck?? i genuinely thought it wouldn’t go beyond a lot of angsty longing looks because matthew graham compared their plotline to remains of the day and laura carmichael said something like “it’s the incredibly religious, pious people’s version of a steamy romance”, but uhhh their horny little convo in the coach is starting to make me wonder if thomas more’s cold bed isn’t going to get a little warmer in a few episodes

- also i was hoping more’s marriage would be portrayed as two pals who got married for convenience rather than his wife being painted as a prude who denies him sex

- this dress 😍 also, her face 😍

- i can’t tell if maggie is an impatient idiot or a genius who figured henry would give her everything she wanted out of spite if she said catherine told her he wouldn’t (i give this show too much credit, it’s definitely the former)

- i know groom of the king’s stool is an easy thing to dunk on for a modern audience but the royal arse wiper was a very trusted and intimate friend of the king who commanded a lot of royal favour, so maybe hop off your high horse maggie

- tudor sexpert maggie pole: don’t say yes yet, sweetie, u gotta check if you’re hot for him first ursula: please stop talking

- i hate myself for loving them

- i like that even though compton is an awkward, slightly creepy weirdo, his crush on maggie does seem 100% genuine. i assume he’s going to get entangled in the henry/anne hastings affair next ep and that’ll let maggie wriggle out of the betrothal somehow?

-not this show making me feel sorry for henry. i like that they’re giving him human feelings about the loss of his children and ruairi is giving a great performance.

- this was really the best french accent they could find? but mary attempting death by pillow fight was hilarious

- no one: bessie: your grace, I do believe charlie brandon is truly sex on legs

- lina seems absolutely terrified that she pissed off catherine, a very healthy friendship dynamic there!

- shouldn’t wolsey have a swankier outfit now that he’s an archbishop?

#the spanish princess #apparently i am a wolsey stan now #more of him and catherine going after each other like two drag queens in the interior illusions lounge thnx

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