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#i have to cook eggrolls tonight too

dropsofletters · 5 years

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question mark

title: question mark pairing: wong yukhei/reader (with a hint of huang renjun/reader) genre: chinese restaurant!au/cook’s assistant!au summary: upon liking one of the waiters in the restaurant her friend, ten, works at, she decides to ask him for help on how to get this waiter’s attention. ten’s idea sounds marvelous—giving him a fake fortune cookie that makes renjun talk to her. actually, it becomes a terrible idea when wong yukhei is the one receiving the fortune cookie. type: fluff/angst

The fish move with efficiency; patient, relaxing movements of back and forth in a space filled with tiny rocks, small openings for them to go through and a lot of blueness, indicating that they were coexisting in a tank. Three orange roughy’s create a sense of luckiness, their colors shining even brighter under the golden light that delicately casts over the tank. It’s the first thing she sees once she steps into the one of the many Chinese restaurants in town, taking in the way one fish moves its mouth softly, creating little bubbles arounds its mouth. The fishes’ home was spacious, though there was a smaller one by the side—dark and muddy, with a fish that she did not even dare to look at out of fear, but she is curious. It must be a type of fish that needed to be in the dark, or too dangerous to be near the others, but she crosses her arms over her chest out of fear (or as a way of sheltering herself) when the fish gets too close for her liking. Once again, she returns her gaze to the brighter tank with eye-catching fishes.

There is a kid by her side, touching the edge of the tank and the little girl tries to get the fishes to follow her index finger’s movement, but they don’t. Once the girl notices her gaze upon her, a smile is sent her way—bashful and tiny, with all the innocence in the world until her name was called by a womanly voice and the little girl turns on her pretty baby pink shoes with lights on the soles.

She notices by then that she had stopped at the very entrance of the Chinese restaurant her friend worked at, her hands hidden deep in her jeans’ pockets as she watched the fishes. A moment after her realization, her eyes look around the place. The entrance led to the tank to her right that worked as a division for the tables in the restaurant and the entrance, by her left there was a TV that was displaying the latest episode of some cartoon with weird graphics, but right in front of said device is the counter in which most workers hid behind of. The walls behind the counter were prettily decorated in mirrors and shelves that showed a variety of drinks, all from around Asia, with years and years of existence. The counter’s surface was woodened, around it are the highest stools she has seen in her life, which are taken by two or three people having drinks in said place.

All around the walls, that have a quarter of their surface painted in red and the rest is in gold, are family pictures of the owners of said restaurant. She doesn’t recognize any, then again her friend is only a mere waiter in said place. Once she steps further inside, she sees the tables that hid behind the tank, with pretty red tablecloths and people chatting loudly, food served on top of the table for them to grab for their pleasure. There is a waiter passing by, though she doesn’t pay much attention to whoever it was.

She needs to find Ten in this place.

It had been a pretty rough year for Ten—he couldn’t find a job for the life of him after he quit his job in some music store that was about to close down (“It’s better to leave than being kicked out”, he prompted at that time and she agreed with him), but after some job hunts of his own and a lot of internet searching, he found out that some Chinese restaurant at the very center of the city needed a waiter and after two weeks of working diligently there, he had insisted on her visiting the place. Fancy and homely, exquisitely cultural and highly fresh with the smell of nicely cooked food. She thinks she really will like this restaurant, its food, just like Ten said in that phone call they had a few nights ago.

She, on the other hand, deals with her work at some jewelry store in the oldest mall in town, meeting people of wealth almost at every given moment of the day. That and studying does take up a lot of time from her days and she feels bad that she is neglecting her friend of years, so she decides that tonight is the night to finally order something—she wants some Chinese food, a nice dinner in a place that wasn’t her couch or her room or just her own workplace, and she needs to eat something different just for once.

Her fingers press against the counter to sit up the stool, lost and found when she meets gazes with someone who vaguely reminds her of Ten, but he’s not her friend. He is looking at the TV, the soft skin of his cheek pressed to his palm as he steals one glance at her before parting his lips delicately and calling out: “Ten!”

Sooner than later, she hears the sound of someone knocking their head against the counter and she gasps as she pulls her hands away from it. Her friend does emerge from under the counter, holding three clean plates in his hands but still not looking at her. “Instead of bossing me around, you should be working.” Ten adds in his high-pitched voice, placing one hand on his waist as he holds the plates with the other. “I don’t care what show you’re watching, it’s your job to help Kun out with the plates, not mine Hendery. I’m a waiter.”

Hendery looks over his shoulder, pushing his bangs away from his face before squinting his eyes. “Waiter. It has wait in it, so wait until I finish this episode.”

Ten rolls his eyes comically, whispering something under his breath before straightening his back up. “Yes, good evening, what would you like to—?” He is cut off the moment he lifts his gaze up to look at her, placing the empty plates down onto the counter before a wide smile spreads across his face. “Oh my God, you came! I thought you wouldn’t come since you’re so busy nowadays!”

She chuckles at the sound of his voice, pressing one hand to the back of her neck. “I felt like going out. It has been a while since I’ve eaten a good meal.”

The black haired male clasps his hands together. “Okay, so,” He starts with ease. “I am dealing with plates and dishes and whatnot, I’m not on waiter duty right now because of…reasons you might have seen.” He throws a not-so-subtle scowl at Hendery who pays no attention to him, still engulfed in his cartoons. “But sit down right over there,” He points at an empty table with two seats. “And I’ll send a waiter your way.”

She gets off the stool, whistling softly at Ten’s professionalism. “Damn, you really fit well here.”

Ten raises his eyebrows up and down happily. “Whoever did not employ me before is missing out.”

“I can imagine.” She adds with a smile and then she points to her back with her thumb. “So, that table and I wait?”

Her friend nods his head before picking up his plates and pushing a small door open with his hips by passing through. She watches him leave before walking over to her table, taking a seat on the comfortable chair before she picks up the menu that is right in front of her, matching the walls and the decorations on its totality. She reads over the menu quite quickly, everything sounding (and looking, there were pictures) marvelously delicious. Her mind immediately settles on the idea of having some honey chicken with a serving of eggrolls and she wants to go out of the way a little bit and order Mantou to fill herself up.

She takes her phone out to wait for whoever was going to be the employee taking her order but she doesn’t even get to open any social media when she hears the sound of someone’s lightweight voice saying: “Good evening, Miss. I’m your waiter for the night, Renjun. Have you picked what you’re going to order?”

His voice is different from Ten’s, it’s sweeter and less teasing, and once she trails her gaze up to look at the young man, she realizes there are no similarities between the two. He is delicate, small face and equally as small eyes, with a nice slightly long nose and rosy lips. His white button down and trousers were the same uniform that Ten wears, with the slight difference that his is a bit more oversized and less fitted. Good-looking comes short as a compliment for this Renjun guy. “I…uh…I…” She clears her throat, looking down at her menu before giving it to him. God, where is she supposed to look? She doesn’t know, definitely not directly to his eyes so she can meet his curious gaze as to why this client wouldn’t speak. “Honey chicken.”

He scribbles that down on his little writing pad. “I see. Something else?”

What was it again? “Oh, and one serving of Mantou…and eggrolls.” Once again, she looks at him and he is writing down on his jotter, the pen moving in between his soft-looking fingers. “Thank you.”

“What will you have to drink, Miss?”

Cute eyes. Nice cheeks. He is not that tall. Charming, really. “Uh…” She realizes then that she had not listened to what he said. “Pardon?”

And since his good-looking features need to be heightened by something, he decides to chuckle. It’s joyful, makes his shoulders shake with the slight movement as he looks down at the menu before repeating himself. “Something to drink. I imagine you will drink something while you eat, right?”

“Yeah,” She adds dumbly, her lips parted before she looks to her left and her right quickly, almost as if to remember the names of the drinks. “…Water’s fine.”

“Water it is.” Renjun whispers to himself and then, he clicks his pen against the page. “They’ll be right out.”

“Yeah.” She repeats and she wants to slap herself for her dumbness. “Thank you.”

With a nod of his head, he leaves towards the place where Ten had gone to and she doesn’t know if it would be a great idea to run out of there before she could meet Renjun once again, but it is definitely not her first choice. She sighs, opting to concentrate on her phone instead of further questioning her actions in front of the cute-looking guy.

Luckily, he doesn’t say much when he delivers her food and he goes back to work with a small bow, one that she dismisses quickly. She starts to eat, relishing on the juicy, sweet and delicious taste of the chicken and loving the heat of the eggrolls that showed just how much of an expert the chef is. She thinks Ten is lucky to be able to smell food like this—every day, and she is certain that he sneaks a hand here and there to grab something to eat.

Almost in cue, only a few ten minutes later, Ten appears in front of her, rolling up the sleeves of his button down when she questions him. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

One to give an answer to everything he was, and with a smile he reaches for one of the three slices of bread on the untouched plate before giving it a bite. “Hendery—” He stops himself when he realizes how gross he sounds while speaking with his mouth full, bringing one hand up to cover his mouth. “Hendery said that he would give me a break for thirty minutes. The same amount of time he spent watching that cartoon.”

“Are you even able to eat with me?” She asks, not waiting for his response before giving him her last eggroll and a piece of chicken. Not that it was much, she asked for an individual sized serving.

“Kun’s a nice friend. I doubt he will tell his uncle.” Ten replies, but she is still as confused as ever.

“Kun? Uncle?”

Ten nods his head at that, taking a bite of the honeyed chicken. “Kun is the chef. I met him at a party like two years ago, so I know him—he makes these masterpieces,” His fingers point at the delicious treat in between his fingers, obviously there weren’t enough chopsticks for him in the table. “And when I came here, I didn’t expect him to work here, but his uncle is the owner of this restaurant and technically he’s in charge, so he won’t say a thing about me eating a bit.”

She hums and there is a brief moment of silence in between the two, Ten’s calf resting against her leg as if it was nothing. Really, it meant nothing for the two. “…And what about—?” She cuts herself off, leaning forward on her hands and licking her lips to take away any honey from the skin. “Renjun.” She whispers the name, more likely mouthing it and Ten raises his eyebrows.

“What about him?” He adds with a smirk, knowing that his friend is not as out-there as he is.

“He’s…well,” Her fingers play with her chopsticks before grabbing her last piece of chicken, leaning forward once again to give it to Ten and the man thankfully opens his mouth, still listening to her. “Cute? Very cute. Uh…I made a fool of myself in front of him but he’s cute.”

Ten almost chokes on his chicken, but he doesn’t. Instead, he laughs happily at her before smacking his hand softly against the table. “In front of him? That kid? I mean, well yeah—compared to you he’s not a kid, but he is a dumbass. Why would you make a fool of yourself in front of him?”

“He made me nervous, I guess.” She replies in a tiny voice, taking a slice of bread and pushing the remaining one to Ten.

“He made you nervous?” Funny he finds it, incredibly so, clutching his abdomen as he chuckles. “I wouldn’t think he would really make anyone nervous. He’s not smooth…or really just boom!” He makes a noise as to indicate his beauty. “Dazzling, but that’s my very humble opinion. Maybe, the kid has some sparkle within him.”

Eager to know more about him, she quizzes Ten’s knowledge. “Did you know him before you started working here?”

Sadly, he denies it. “No. I only knew Kun and…Lucas!” Then, he snaps his fingers as if he had been reminded of something. “Which, let me tell you, Lucas…” He starts and then, he makes an okay sign with his fingers. “I do see you with. Tall and gorgeous and dumb…but you know, the dumber the better.”

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t be mean to people.”

Ten cackles at that. “I’m joking.” Yeah right. “But yeah, Lucas goes to dance classes sometimes in the same academy as me…so we’ve met there, but he’s not like super professional about it.”

“And Renjun?”

“He works part-time here. Goes to college and whenever he has free time, he works. He does his homework by the counter sometimes.” She moves her hands in a circular motion, as if to indicate for him to continue. “He’s sensitive, I heard, he cried in the tenth anniversary of the restaurant for some reason.”

She coos at that. “Aw, that’s ado—”

“But he gives me the vibe that he’s a demon in disguise.”

“As in bad?”

Ten shakes his head. “No, no.” He swats his hands. “As in…I would not let my lunch near him because he might poison it just for fun.”

“That’s bad.”

“That’s what young people do.”

“Oh, yeah, because you’re a grandpa.” She adds sarcastically and then; she finds her wallet inside her purse. “By the way, ask for the check. I really don’t want to make a fool of myself in front of…you know who, and I want to leave a tip so you can give it to him.”

Ten sighs, pushing the chair away from the table making it drag obnoxiously across the floor. “You know you have to talk to him sometime, right?”

She gives him a toothy grin, grabbing his arms to push the sleeves down and fix them properly. “That is what you will help me with.”

But what does Ten ask in return? A tip for him, as well.

There are plenty of questions that run through her head, like Usain Bolt from one side to the other. She can’t catch them, really, nor is she able to give an answer to most of them. It’s strange, how people never truly know everything about life mainly because perspectives existed and what was something to you could be nothing to someone else.

One of the questions she finds no answer to is—what is wrong with that fish in the dark tank? She knows it moves, thankfully, she discovers that on the day she was on her way out to the Chinese restaurant, stealing one last glance at it to see it swim, but it was just…creepy, at its realest form. There has to be a movie about that fish coming up in theaters soon, she believes, but she thinks it is just her mind, right?

The second thought, or puzzlement really, was: what will Ten do to make Renjun be interested in her enough to spark a conversation? She thinks a nice outfit is out of the way and acting dumb was never something unequivocally attractive, but Ten has been mysterious for the past few weeks, two to be exact. He says he is reading the situation, whatever that is supposed to be to him, and while she loses herself in work and textbooks, she stops paying as much attention to it as she was. She has a life, after all, and it’s not all dreamy sighs that are sent absentmindedly to the pretty guy with the small smile and oversized uniform.

But Ten says that he has finally found the ideal plan almost twenty days after she goes to that restaurant, and he swears up and down that she needs to come to his apartment to meet up with him. She brings the most necessary things, like a bag of chips and two diet cokes that were freezing, but other than that she is concentrated on the fluttering of her heart, the coldness of the atmosphere, the unknown feeling of the future. Renjun is just…there, at a perfect time and a perfect moment, when the thoughts of flirting and sending fluttering kisses towards someone sound like the epitome of happiness. Sure, it’s only an addition to her real happiness, but it sounds like a good distraction from her daily tasks.

Ten’s place is not particularly organized, either, he has a lot of sweatpants and baggy clothing for his dance practices and classes somewhere along the living room. The kitchen is tiny and he rarely uses it, normally he makes do with what he has in the refrigerator and most of the things he has do not need cooking. Pushing past the living room and the kitchen was the bathroom to the right, smelling like his usual cologne and mouthwash, the door always closed and two doors at the very front, one which was his little laundry room turned office turned practice room and his bedroom, which has the prettiest view outside of its window of a graffiti-covered wall and a trashcan.

As always, she takes a seat on his couch, bringing a cushion up her legs as she crosses them one over the other. Ten has already opened the bag of chips and the two cans of soda as he speaks quickly. “So, I had a hard time studying Renjun and I discovered a few things about him.” Before she could speak, however, Ten sits down and picks up the remote, turning on the TV on an old channel that showcased music videos, though she doesn’t pay much attention as the faint sound of music plays in the background. “And he loves fortune cookies. That’s the thing, I see him eating them from the trail sometimes or when some client doesn’t take it.”

“Okay?” She whispers, not knowing where Ten is going because…almost everyone in this world could like fortune cookies or eat them, at the very least.

He raises his index fingers up in the air, as if pointing something out. “So I asked him,” He drops his fingers and then, he chuckles. “He says they are the tastiest he’s had, which is a compliment to Kun because he makes them, taking a bag of fortune papers with him and filling them and doing all the things he does. I don’t know—chef stuff.” Ten calls out quickly and she frowns deeply, still not understanding what he is saying. She brings her can of soda up her lips and takes a soft sip before her fingers reach for the chips but before she could grab one, Ten swats her hand with his. “Here,” He stands up and goes look for something inside his backpack before returning, opening the plastic that covered the fortune cookie before giving it to her. “Read it.”

“I thought you were going to be my fortune.” She complains, putting the fortune cookie down. “I don’t want to read my fortune. I just need to find a way to make Renjun talk to me—”

Ten sighs. “Patience. God, you’re so annoying.” Ten indicates and she puckers up her lips, feeling his fingers push the fortune cookie nearer to her mouth. “Open it, read the thing, eat the cookie. Easy.”

She cusses under her breath, slicing the cookie in half and placing one of them inside her mouth, the crunching sound resounding in the room along with the noise of her voice. “You smell like farts.” Ten laughs the moment he hears the comment that the fortune cookie read and she squints her eyes at it. Lucky numbers, the red letters, it all looks legit. “Wait, what’s this—?”

“I printed that. Told Kun to put it inside a cookie and made sure the cookie looked a bit different from the others.” Ten indicates and then, he takes the other half of her cookie and munches on it soundly. “So I thought—hey, that’s a plan, I add something on a piece of paper that sounds like you’re the love of Renjun’s life and once he reads it, he will believe it’s true and bam!” He claps his hands together to specify a sound. “You’ve got yourself a man.”

Truthfully, Ten has always been a big genius. Not the type of genius that professors talk about when explaining the beauty of intelligence, but the type that knows how to solve problems in life easier than others. His wit and creativity was incomparable. “…And what will you put in the paper?” She asks and then, she chuckles. “You’re so—this is amazing!”

Ten pretends to dust something off his shoulder, bragging about his knowledge. “I know.” He accepts the compliment easily. “We’ll write something specific but simple, like…find the girl with the pink dress. Because you have that really pretty pink dress, the one that has a top and a skirt but looks like a dress—that thing.” He comments quickly and then; he raises one of his legs so he can rest his elbow on his knee. “And I’ll finish it off with a talk to her, and I’ll give it to Renjun while you’re there and he’ll be all confused but when he sees you, he will just trust the cookie.”

“Am I persuading a guy into liking me?” She asks and Ten swats his hand.

“It’s just a bit of help.” Ten adds and then, he pokes her shoulder with his finger. “Come on, tell me I am the best person you’ve ever met.”

“That’s questionable, considering the plan hasn’t worked, yet.” Maybe, she is a bit of a pessimist, but what if Renjun decides to ignore that fortune? There is a bitter taste in her mouth, as if the idea sounded too perfect, too unreachable.

Ten scoffs. “It will work, trust me.” The confidence in his voice serves to relax her and then, the sound of the bag of chips being played around with shows that he is eating once again. “I need you there next Wednesday, at seven at night—wear the pink dress, that’s all you need to do, and nice lipstick. That’s what gets young guys going.”

She rolls her eyes. “Ten, you’re not that old.”

He cackles at that. “I know.” He comments easily and then; he releases a soft breath. “If not, I’ll have to just casually put your number inside an eggroll and give it to him.”

“Sounds like a nice plan, too.”

“Jesus, to choke him? —yeah, maybe.”

One question is still unknown: will Renjun take that as an initiative to talk to her? It is uncertain to her, but she holds onto the hope that there is something in those fortune cookies that gives her fortune, as well.

The fabric of her pink dress is constricting, a little bit unlike herself. One thing were dresses, summery and flowy, or tight and dressy when the occasion happens—sometimes once a year, sometimes at a party—, but wearing a dress to a Chinese restaurant only to have some fried rice seemed…stupid. It was clearly stupid, although she knew she looked beautiful, wearing that one lip-gloss that she had bought recently, the fabric of her off-the-shoulder top hugging her chest nicely, highlighting the skater skirt with the snug material around her waist.

It was at that moment that she understood the moody fish on the dark tank. Because she felt like it.

All she could think about was how this plan was made by Ten—and Ten’s plans were always excellent. The coo that her friend had given her the moment she stepped inside the restaurant was enough to boost her confidence, his wink when he was the one attending her as a waiter had been the little push she needed (“You look good enough to eat, relax.”, he had said and she chooses to believe him). However, the more she sits there, taking whole bites of fried rice past her lips, she wondered if this was the right way to get a guys’ attention. It felt wrong, really, because the steps to get someone to like her were simple: talking to them and seeing where that goes to. Besides, Ten is taking his precious time into working and she understands, but she is about to finish her plate of food and Renjun is right there, by the counter, his golden skin glowing delightfully under the lights.

Whether it is ridiculous or not, she is not certain, but Renjun is quite visibly a handful of a guy. She knows by the way he smiles that making him laugh would be a pleasure, and there is something about him that tells her that honesty spills past his every word. She wonders, if she was truthful, wouldn’t Renjun be more interested in her? If she was not there, seated in a pretty two-piece combo in the shade of pastel pink, but instead dressing like how she always does and talking to him…would everything be easier?

It’s part of life to learn and understand the concepts of society, societal rules and relationships with other human beings, so adventuring she does when she watches Ten appear with a fortune cookie in his hands, similar to the one she has by the table. Truthfully, hers says something along the lines of finding life where she least expects it, but it is complete nonsense: she is alive already!

From her position in a table near the counter, she hears Ten’s sweet laugh when he bumps his hip with Renjun, who stops counting the money that was given to him to look over at the man. “So, Renjun,” The dulcet tone of Ten’s voice is fake, quite clearly, but if Renjun notices she doesn’t recall. All she knows is that Renjun’s concentrated face is beautiful enough to be displayed in a museum. “I know you like fortune cookies a whole lot. Here.” He puts the fortune cookie on top of Renjun’s hand before tilting his head to the side. “Enjoy.”

Renjun chuckles, looking at the cookie that he holds in between two fingers. “Dude…thanks.” He says, clearly grateful but his actions of opening the cookie are interrupted by Hendery. She curses silently, her heart by her throat beating so loudly it could stop, all she can think about is how Renjun is going to act. For all she knew, he could completely ignore what it says…or, maybe she should check if there are any other women in there with pink dresses. There’s an old lady nearby with a dress with pink flowers…

“Be careful.” Hendery says once he passes by the two males, tapping with his fingers the bell that calls out for the cook’s assistant that Ten always loves to talk about. The bell makes the assistant go pick up the small sheet of paper that indicated the order the chef needed to cook—Kun, she thinks his name is. With one leg crossed over the other, Hendery continues. “He could have poisoned it.”

Ten scoffs. “If I had to poison anyone in this whole restaurant, it would be you.” He points out with certainty, but he widens his eyes towards Renjun. “Don’t trust him. That fortune cookie is safe.”

“Didn’t doubt it.” Renjun says, his fingers reaching for the cookie to open it but once again, he is interrupted by the sound of big steps patting against the floor. The smell of food invades the restaurant quickly, like stirred vegetables and a lot of soy sauce, but her gaze meets the sight of a very tall young man. His hairline is sweaty, black strands of hair a bit dirty all thanks to the heat of the kitchen, he wears a gray t-shirt and jeans, an apron that looks a bit too dirty and flushed cheeks on his tanned skin. Plump lips he has, with big curious eyes as he reaches where Hendery is.

“What’s up?” And of course, he has a deep voice—so deep she could drown in it, but it is nothing compared to Renjun’s sweet voice. He must be the well-known Lucas Wong that Ten talked about often. She also knew him by other names, such as Xuxi and Yukhei.

“Order.” Hendery says, tossing the sheet of paper to the man before being called over by another costumer. Saturdays were always the busiest, Ten says, but she doesn’t concentrate on that as she tries to pretend that she is eating peacefully and not eavesdropping at all.

Lucas coos at the sight of the fortune cookie in Renjun’s palm. “Haven’t had food in a hot minute. Kun’s been on fire in the kitchen.” He adds with an eye-roll, but his orbs widen soon after before chuckling. Loud, he is very loud and his laugh is the same. “Not as in…real fire. Kun is fine. But you know…he doesn’t let me eat since four.”

“It’s seven.” Ten comments after looking down at his watch. “And you always take bits of food here and there while cooking. Are you really that hungry?”

The man who made her heart race laughs after scoffing. “See how tall he is; his parents must have wasted their entire salaries just giving food to this giant child.”

Lucas shakes his head at that. “Not really. Jealous because you’re not as tall as me?”

If Renjun is actually jealous about his height, he doesn’t say it, but what he does is give his fortune cookie to Lucas and reach for one of his own. “Take it as a gift, Runny Mouth.”

Wait.

No. No. No!

He shouldn’t be having that cookie!

Ten realizes of Renjun’s doings, shaking his hands as if to stop the two younger men. “Uh…the fortunes will the wrong if you exchange the cookies.” It is stupid of Ten to say that, out of all people, he is not a full believer of fortune cookies, most of the time he made fun of them because his fortunes were never real. However, she almost wants to jump out of her seat to back him up on that.

The tallest of them all interrupts Renjun’s words before they even go past his lips, munching on the crunchy fortune cookie before trying to give the fortune to Renjun with a filled mouth. The dark haired short male denies it with a smile. “Keep it, bro, that’s your fortune.”

“No—”

“Love is cladded on a pink dress.” The man’s widened eyes look around the room as Ten makes up any kind of excuse on the spot (“Pf, we all know fortune cookies are not real”, he says) but Lucas is already trying to find love in a pink dress. She bites her bottom lip and looks down at her almost finished plate of fried rice when his gaze falls upon her. She feels shy, like a traitor, somehow dirty in any sort of way and surely, Lucas is actually good-looking, but she feels her heart breaking the slightest when Renjun mumbles about his girl in a pink dress being there. The sound of steps makes her feel anxious, tightening her grip on her chopsticks before she hears that same deep voice that she had listened to earlier saying: “Hah, hi.” It comes with a short laugh and the sound of the seat across from her dragging obnoxiously. Ten says something along the lines of Lucas having to go back to work, but he doesn’t listen. “Uh…You know; this is going to sound weird but a fortune cookie told me that I needed to talk to the girl in the pink dress. And you’re here. Pink dress. Cute girl, by the way.”

She doesn’t know what she is thinking—should she look at Ten and ask for her? Should she talk to Lucas? Should she say that the cookie was meant to be eaten by Renjun? All those questions pop inside her head all at once but she settles for an uncomfortable laugh as her fingers tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Yeah…thanks.” She mumbles shyly before sighing. “That’s sweet.”

Lucas leans back on his seat, his long legs extending enough to touch hers before smiling. His smile was absolutely astonishing, but in her mind the only smile she wanted thrown her way was Renjun’s. Stupid crushes. “I’m sweet, but you can call me Yukhei.” He says with raised eyebrows and an annoying laugh coming soon after. She wants to stop her laughter, leaving it behind her lips before grumbling out a small:

“The dress is actually pastel pink, not really pink-pink.”

Yukhei ignores anything she says, however, pressing his elbows to the table. “What’s your name?” He asks, plump lips rolling on the words beautifully and without another option, she decides to sigh and tell him her name. His eyes glisten, filled with life and emotion before he stands up from his seat. Was that all he was going to do, just get her name? “The chef will kill me if I stay here talking to you…but…uh…” He hides his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Good talk. Dinner’s on me.”

She shakes her head. “Nope. I can pay—”

“I’ll pay, really, don’t worry about it.” Yukhei says and then, he taps his long fingers against the table. “The only thing I ask in return is for you to consider coming back here anytime.”

“Oh…why?”

“Just want to get to know you better, that’s all.” His corny line makes his laugh loudly, covering his mouth before waving cutely at her. She waves back, eyebrows drown into a scowl as she watches Yukhei go to the back of the counter, Renjun patting his back with a big smile on his face and some mumbled words along the lines of ‘bro, that was smooth’ and since then, she knows she has to take matters into her hands.

The only bad thing is that now Yukhei will be all over her whenever she comes to the restaurant. Ten would be enchanted by this.

She dares to say, if she ever hears the song Shallow again, she might as well bawl.

The movie had been great, a romance of sorts with the edge that led her to believe love is nothing more than a big, explicit, ball of emotions that hits you so fast that you never realize you ended up falling for someone. She thinks romance movies are the luckiest she will ever get at love, watching two people unfold in a love story that was written by those who thought they knew better about the subject than anyone else. They probably did, but that is far from the point. She had heard Ten sing the song a few times in the past, always making sure to breathe the same line out in a short breath. His voice is lovely, sure, but her day hadn’t been the best and watching another couple pick a ring for their wedding as the song plays in the background had turned her mood bitter. Coffee was never good bitter, and life wasn’t either.

The job is not as easy make it seem, she has to make sure every single diamond is in place by the time she leaves—the last thing she wants is having her boss believing she is stealing something. She needs to keep an eye on people and tachycardia might have come her best friend with how fearful she was of getting robbed when it was getting late and the jewelry store was still open. Luckily for her, the security system in the mall is as good as it can get and a guard passes by when it gets too late, but it is seven at night and that couple is taking their precious time looking for a ring.

It’s their special night, she tries to reason with herself, they just can’t pick anything, but that is not what is bothering her. For the past two weeks, her mind goes back to the ever-embarrassing reminder that Wong Yukhei had been the one receiving the fortune cookie that Ten had planned on giving to Renjun. It is the type of embarrassment that crawls up on her, that paralyzes her eyes on the ceiling whenever she goes to bed, that makes her move around and groan at the reminder of the moment. All she wants to do is blame Ten, but at the same time she blames herself.

Why exactly did she think it was a good idea to do that?!

The couple coos at the sight of a big, red diamond in the middle of a ring when she hears the sound of the bells by the doors clinking against one another to indicate the entrance of someone. She clings to the edge of the counter, glossy and elegant, as she manages to pray to all the existing beings in case it is a thief, but thanks to the sound of the same humming words of the song she likes but hates at the same time, she recognizes who it is. Ten, with a black cap and all-black on, tossing his leather jacket over his shoulder in good fashion and with such confidence that she feels awestruck.

The suit she has to wear for work is a little bit too snug when she realizes there is someone by Ten’s side, wearing his uniform that fits him a bit bigger than the rest, hair a bit dirty all thanks to the aromas of food that cling to him as he serves people. Renjun has always looked dazzling, at least in her eyes, but his golden skin matches nicely with the glistening diamonds and while Ten looks like he could have been part of that place, all expensive and naturally confident, Renjun is in awe as he looks at the diamonds, the necklaces, the rings and the earrings.

“Hello.” Ten sings the word as he gets close to her, watching as she raises her index finger as if to stop him. She mouths the words ‘give me a minute’ and Ten rolls his eyes, nodding his head before settling the bag of takeout on the counter. The smell of Chinese food immediately fills the air up, different from the vanilla scent the shop is covered in. The dim lights suddenly only show the sight of Renjun, the wood and dark ceramics that surround the place only growing darker at the sight of him. All she can think about is him and when he turns around to look at her, she pretends she is looking at the ring the couple has picked. Red, like the sight of his blushed cheeks that she keeps dreaming about. Will he ever blush thanks to her?

After she tells the couple the insane amount those rings costed them, they pay with their credit card and they leave with the pretty bag that holds the box with the rings inside. The moment the door is closed, Ten welcomes her in a big hug, the material of the counter digging onto her hipbones, uncomfortable and making her release a pained grunt.

“My sweet, gorgeous, simply perfect friend!” The exaggeration is there thanks to Renjun, because Ten might not be the best of friends, but he feels bad whenever he really knows that he ruined everything. His arms release her, making her smile softly as Renjun nears the two. “I brought you some hot food in my break and I brought Renjun with me. I hope you don’t mind.”

But he knows she truly doesn’t mind in the slightest bit. “Not really…” She says and then, she bows a little with her head. “Uh…nice to meet you.” After the short sentence that gives a beginning to their encounter, she adds her name. “…I-I have heard wonders about you, Renjun.”

Renjun’s cheeks lift up in a smile and he quirks his head to the side. “So have I about you!” Whether it comes from Ten’s runny mouth or Yukhei’s infatuation for her, she doesn’t know, but she is glad that Renjun knows about her.

“Really?” She questions. “Good things, I hope?”

The guy with the dark hair nods his head, leaning on his elbows against the counter. “Excellent. Ten always talks about you.”

Ten takes the box of takeout away from the bag and while folding the plastic bag, he nods his head. “See? I’m a great friend, just that I don’t show it.”

He truly is, but she will never admit that out loud. She smiles and takes the box of takeout before nodding her head. “Thank you, Ten.”

Renjun, however, continues the conversation with wary eyes that scan the place with curiousness. “Whoa, all of these must be worth a lot.”

“They are.”

“And how did you get to work here?” He asks and she feels her chest bursting with joy. Even with the little mistake Ten had made, Renjun is still showing interest in getting to know her.

“Uh…” She bites her bottom lip before chuckling softly, shortly. “I just applied for everything to earn some money and…this place needed someone.”

“Do you like it?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah!” She replies with ease, because it is exactly what she knows how to say. She is always one to speak without thinking and after seeing his eyebrow being raised comically, she corrects herself. “Well…sometimes. It’s scary staying here late at night and then having to close the shop and all, you know?”

Ten is looking at them as if he had made a match made in heaven, sneaking a quick bite of whatever he had brought her in the box of takeout before Renjun takes his phone out of his pocket. “Then, let’s do something. I have to work right now, but just to make sure you get home alright…maybe you could give me your number and I could give you mine so you text me when you get home safe, alright?”

She doesn’t know what hits her—realization or the sudden need to choke on something, maybe air itself, because the oxygen is knocked out of her lungs and she stares at his hand holding his phone, hesitating, pondering, until she finally takes it in between her fingers. Once she types her number down, she finally mumbles what she wanted to say. “Yes, of course.” Tossing her phone to him with quickness, Renjun jots his number down and adds it with his full name Huang Renjun, not sharing a shy smile or blushed cheeks with her, instead he only gives her a nod with a half-up smile.

The moment is interrupted by the sound of Ten’s phone ringing, the man picking it up with a sigh before saying. “Yes?” He asks and someone is heard screaming on the other line, making her turn to look at him. “Yeah, Kun, I know I said twenty minutes but we had to walk here and—let me speak, fuck!” Ten screams on the phone and then, the person on the other line continues rambling. “I’ll be there in twenty. Don’t worry.”

“We gotta leave?” Renjun asks and she feels her heart jumping at the thought of Renjun wanting to stay.

Ten nods his head, though a smile creeps up his face when he looks at his friend’s expression. “Yep. Kun is going nuts.” Her friend gives an affectionate tug at her hand before waving with his other hand. “Text me, too, okay?” She hums in approval before Ten pulls away, rushing out of the door after Renjun said his goodbyes and only after the door is closed, she lets her happiness show through a grin. Mission accomplished, is all she thinks.

Texting Renjun could easily be compared to pulling a trigger.

Once she gets home that night, the first thing she does is text Renjun. The text simply indicated her name with a greeting, only to indicate that she had gotten home and Renjun’s response had been as simple as she had never expected it to be.

Okay. That’s what he said and that is the worst outcome that she could have ever imagined. Part of her brain wondered if Renjun was not much of a texting person, but if he wasn’t then why would he ask for her number on the first place? It seems impossible and the moment she tells Ten, he is equally as confused. However, the meaning behind Renjun asking for her number comes to life nine days after Renjun asked such question and she feels absolutely stupid the moment she does notice the reason of his actions.

The restaurant is obviously a place Renjun frequents often and just like how he is trusting enough to confide to Ten, then he also should be close to others. That includes Yukhei, the tall guy that received the fortune cookie that was meant to go to Renjun. It is after her last class of the day, when she is walking out of the classroom and checking her phone for any texts when she sees it. An unknown number had texted her, a lot of emoticons and exclamation marks, making her stop on her tracks as she is reminded of the cook’s assistant.

“Hi! This is Yukhei. Lucas. The tall dude from the restaurant Ten works at. Renjun gave me your number just so I could talk to you. He told me your name…so let’s skip that. How is your day going?”

This could be creepy, because she had never given permission to Renjun so he could give her number away. This could be sweet, because this showed Yukhei was interested and that he really wanted to get to know her. This could also be annoying, because Renjun should notice by now that she is not actually interested in Yukhei, but in him. Either way, it seems like no one realizes she is attracted to Renjun, because once she responds to that text all those days ago, Yukhei hasn’t stopped texting her daily and she always replies.

Turns out Yukhei is a funny guy, the type that has her snorting out a loud laugh simply because he is random. His voice is very deep and he uses it to his advantage, always sending her small voice recordings to have her smiling to herself. He might be annoying, that is very palpable as well, when he compliments her endlessly and oh-so-tackily (“You look like trash, may I take you out?”, he told her once, and sooner than later he was adding as many sad emoticons as he could. “Not in the bad sense! Cute trash!”) or simply when he asks her to go to the restaurant. All she knows is that Yukhei is making it very hard for her to keep that barrier up in between them.

“I’m actually a college student.” She reads as she dries her hair with a towel, shivering at the coldness of her room and the ever-lasting weather that keeps bringing rain outside of her windows. “But I want to drop out.” He confesses, like other of the things she has gotten to know in the weeks she has texted Yukhei. He talks a lot, that is for sure, but he never makes everything about himself—he always makes sure that he is showing his interest towards her.

“Why is that?” She types before putting her phone down, choosing to bring a blow-dryer with her to make her hair go dry. The sound of her phone going off with a few texts go unnoticed by her thanks to the sound, but after a few minutes of the calming heat touching her cheeks and her hair before it became annoying, she put the device down, turned it off and promised to unplug it later so she could concentrate on reading Yukhei’s rant.

“I’ve never been good at the studying stuff.” Yukhei confesses. “And sure, it’s all fun and games when people see I’m funny, but after a while, people take me as if I am dumb…and no one really wants to work with me, or treat me as if they need to explain things twice for me. I’m not dumb.” He continues and then, she realizes that she had treated him the same way. All she saw in Yukhei was how nice it was to talk to him, how funny he was, but she had never taken the time to listen to him, masking it as if she was never interested in the first place. “I worry about that a lot. I never cared about my grades but now I compare myself to everyone…and everyone knows everything! How are people so damn intelligent these days?”

“Two things. You’re not dumb. Don’t compare yourself.” She types and Yukhei replies the moment he receives it. That means he is looking at the conversation, probably taking his break from work just to talk to her.

“Either way…maybe I’ll drop out.”

“Take a break from it, if that makes you feel better, but don’t drop out because you feel dumb—drop out if, in the long run, it won’t make you happy.”

Yukhei takes a while to reply to her, he deletes the previous messages and then he gives her as much as a ‘thank you’. She knows he means it, that he doesn’t want to talk about it, that there is a bit of insecurity that comes from that small part of himself but that the rest of him is filled with confidence, all of that is palpable, but she doesn’t push him. If time is what he needs, she shall give it to him.

Only that Yukhei texts her the next day, sending her pictures of the food he was preparing, along with a picture of himself resting his head on Kun’s shoulder as the man frowns angrily at something. Probably cooking. That is when she notices Yukhei always pretends like he is alright.

But it’s not like she cared, right?

“It’s a party that Kun hosts every year. He calls his uncle over and all. We get lots of food and drinks and we all dance and talk. It’s a good thing. You should come to talk to Renjun.”

That’s what Ten should have said; honest, inviting, sweet. However, Ten was never one to be fully sugarcoating things, and instead, he had invited her to the restaurant’s anniversary party in his usual mannerism:

“Yo, get to the restaurant’s party as soon as possible. We need to make plan C work: eggroll seduction.”

She doesn’t know what he is planning, perhaps to put some fortune inside an eggroll only to give it to Renjun, but she doesn’t ponder on the idea. All she does is get out of work at the time that she usually does and she takes a stop in a fuel station’s bathroom to get changed into proper clothes, just some jeans and a blouse that is loose-fitted enough to have her eating without worries of it being too snug. After all, it has been well over a month and a half since the last time she was inside the restaurant and all she wants to do is fill her mouth with food as much as possible.

The restaurant, expectedly and fortunately, is nicely decorated with little red and golden balloons filled with helium that reach the ceiling, people going around (and the vast majority are employees, friends of employees or just Kun’s family members) talking to one another, not dancing quite yet because they are not tipsy, but they are talking and eating from the food that is displayed for them. Some hold plates that hold their foods, others drink absentmindedly as they speak and her first idea is to go to talk to Ten, not wearing his uniform for the first time inside the restaurant but his casual clothes instead, but she is interrupted when someone places something cold against her arm.

She winces, turning around to curse at whoever had done such thing, but she is welcomed by the smiling face of Huang Renjun. He holds a big glass of Coca Cola with a lot of ice to her as he talks. “Sorry. Had to do it.” The confession makes her smile, and be it another person she would have probably snapped, but because it is Renjun she is enchanted. Glad. Happy. Livid. “Hope you like soda.”

Not her favorite, but she will take it. “Yes, thank you.” She replies and then, after taking a gulp of the perfectly sweet drink, she speaks. “So…you taking my number—”

Renjun chuckles at the initiation of her words, pushing his dark hair away from his forehead, his oversized band t-shirt covering his body under his equally as big red hoodie. “Oh, yeah. Yukhei had been talking about how pretty you are to him and I had to help a bro out.” Help a bro out, she doesn’t know if that is enchanting or just plain out annoying. What does she need to do? Does she have to get on her knees, grasp his hands and tell him ‘please, just notice that I have been checking you out every time I’ve gotten here, let’s just talk’? “Why? Wanted me to text you?” Renjun asks, not quite flirting by his tone of voice, but more-so teasing her, leaning a bit forward to clink her glass with his, almost in a joking mannerism (or definitely, if that’s the case).

She chuckles, learning a thing or two about Ten’s flirting antics when she says: “Don’t know. Do you want to find out?”

Renjun is taken aback by her words, parting his lips to chuckle before taking his phone out of his pocket. “I could find out,” He waves his phone in the air slowly, in between two of his fingers. “Just like how I couldn’t.”

The moment is interrupted, as always, thanks to Kun, who is getting out of the kitchen with two big trays of food. “Renjun! Help me here!” Renjun turns around, muttering his apologies to her before rushing towards Kun, taking the tray from his hands and looking like a prince charming when he sends a tight-lipped smile towards her.

Once again, her endeavor becomes a hunt for Ten in the seas of people, but it is quite hard to see with the people that are there and there is no dancing crowd, so that means it will be harder to find her slightly-short friend. She looks around the place, taking small sips of her drink (that tastes even better because Renjun gave it to her), when she realizes her name is being called by someone, but it is not the high tone that Ten possesses, it actually belongs to Yukhei.

She tries to look for the sound of his voice, but only when she catches a glimpse of the big hand and long fingers that wave at her, she trails down her gaze to see Yukhei’s smile as he waves at her. What surprises her, really, is that Yukhei is there, washing the dishes while everyone is having fun, his rings discarded to the side as he plays with soap, sponges and water.

And from the corner of her eye, she sees Renjun talking to Ten and someone else, but her heart tugs at the idea of everyone having a great time and Yukhei having to work, so her feet act over whatever her head is thinking and she drags herself to the counter, sitting on one of the tall stools to lean over the slightest, looking at him face to face as she asks:

“What exactly are you doing?” Perhaps, she feels annoyed because he is always an interruption for her movements towards Renjun or she actually feels like her heart is about to burst with how cute Yukhei looks. White t-shirt, hair pushed away from his face, plump lips showing a big smile.

“Kun is busy and he doesn’t like it when the restaurant is a mess, so I’m helping out.” Something that could be done by Ten, or Hendery, even Renjun himself! But Yukhei had decided to do it himself, moving his long fingers to reach for a sponge to really clean the plates and the big amounts of glasses that will keep piling there, considering people weren’t re-using stuff. “I didn’t know you were coming. Ten invited you?”

“Yes,” She breathes out and then, she gets off the seat. “Wait up.”

“Uh, where are you going—?”

She pushes the small door that leads to the counter, her waist touching the woodened material before she stands beside Yukhei, picking up the other pair of gloves that is there before taking the soapy plates and washing them with water. “I’m helping you. People will keep making a mess and you’ll be here forever, so I might as well help you.”

Yukhei shakes his head, wrapping his gloved hands around her wrists to stop her. “I’m okay and you don’t work here. Leave it to me.” He says with a smile but she pushes his chest away from her body with her elbow.

“What if I say no?” She asks, looking over her shoulder and making Yukhei chuckle.

“You can’t say no.”

“Watch my lips.” And only then, when he drops his gaze to look at her lips, she realizes that he licks his own, now glossed and perkier. He flutters his eyelashes and she notices the closeness, the tension, uttering out a small: “No.”

Yukhei chuckles at that, letting go of her wrists and continuing with soaping the plates. “Okay, if you insist…” He trails his voice and she nods her head, concentrating on letting the water relaxingly fall over the plates, washing them and putting them to the side for them to dry later. She will help him with that, too. However, the little moment of silence is interrupted when Yukhei’s hip bumps against the side of hers. “Thank you,” He says, deep voice showing all levels of happiness. “And thank you for that talk weeks ago. I have some good news thanks to that.”

She frowns, trying to remember what he is talking about. “What talk?”

“The college talk.”

“Oh! That!” She replies and then, a dumb smile appears over her face. Only when she feels someone looking at her, she looks from the corner of her eye to see Ten taking a glance at her and she mentally curses herself for having Renjun noticing the closeness between Yukhei and herself. “…Tell me.”

“I got a good grade.” He tells her, not in a whisper because by now she knows he is unable of whispering with how loud he is, but it is the closest he will ever get. “Like, actually sat my ass down and studied, got a somewhat nice grade. I did not fail or do mediocrely good. I actually did…nicely.”

She can’t help but smile happily. “I’m proud of you.”

Little did she know that she spends most of the night with Yukhei, after washing the dishes and deciding to leave the rest to Hendery, they go over to the piles of food and she gets to have bites of everything with Yukhei. He speaks with his mouth full, slouches a bit to get to the plates and he never stops talking. He compliments her on her makeup, says something about her lipstick looking nice on her and most of the time, his gaze is over her lips. He says he loves pink on her, somewhere during the evening, and she knows he is so into her that she wishes she could be, too.

As she is biting on an eggroll, she feels someone wrapping their arms around her shoulders, the weight of someone’s chin resting on her shoulder as she hears the joyous sound of Ten’s voice. “Sorry to interrupt,” He starts before a smile appears on his face. He smells thickly like alcohol and even from behind her, he is moving a bit in what seems to be a dance. Is he dancing with her…without her knowledge? “My ass is too fucking heavy and lazy to drive. Care to drive me home?”

She frowns, looking over her shoulder to look at Ten, whom had only pulled away when she pushed at his chest slightly. “In what car? You don’t have a car. You sold yours a year ago, remember?”

“No, no. My cousin lent me…his…”

The fumbling of keys resounds as he holds the keys of said car in front of her and she sighs, taking the keys from Ten’s hands and turning around to look at Yukhei, whom looked less than thrilled to have her gone. “You’re leaving?”

“Can’t let my drunk friend drive.”

Yukhei pouts at that. “Well…yeah…that’s true.” Then, he gives her the purse she had brought with herself before smiling. “Remember to visit me here whenever you want.”

She bites on her bottom lip, nodding her head as she tries to come up with someone—affirmation or denial, whatever she really feels, but she comes short with a small: “See you, Yukhei.”

“Okay, so I don’t know how this game is called…” Yukhei starts as he laughs loudly at his own words, taking a set of cards with himself before sighing. “But I do know how to play it. Basically, I divide the stack of cards in two and I give half to you, half stays with me. Whoever gets the highest card, can ask the other person any question.”

With her knees pressed to her chest, chin resting on her knees, she raises her eyebrows. “Any question?”

“Any question.”

Although, she already knows Yukhei is trustful and honest, even more so when she opted not to go to the restaurant once again, but she did respond to his texts—to the point she ended up accepting on going on a date with Yukhei. He picks a pretty restaurant downtown that has tables on the rooftop, showing a nice view of the city and letting the wind blow softly on them. It’s not the windiest of nights, so the cars would be safely in place as they play, the fabric that is under them keeping them comfortable as they sit on the floor, the little picnic they had long gone, only leaving them with cans of soda.

What is surprising is that Yukhei had called it a date, and she had not even corrected him. Yukhei had been open about what he feels for her, the attraction turned crush that keeps him a smiling mess around her, that has him acting funny but sometimes serious only to get her attention. He doesn’t lie, neither does he hide anything, but she is hiding that everything had started because of a crush she had on Renjun. One that doesn’t exist anymore, but the past is always there to be a mosquito biting at her memories.

Yukhei looks like he was taken out of a movie, bright blue t-shirt and skinny jeans that keep him casual yet enchanting. He shuffles the cards around, giving her half the stack and keeping the other part for himself. “At the count of three, we’ll flip the first card, okay?” She nods her head, the remains of food filling her mouth as she sticks her tongue out in concentration. “One, two, three!”

When the cards are flipped, she realizes she has a Q and Yukhei has a three, earning a grunt from the man. “Okay, I’ll start,” She smiles, placing her hands over her thighs and sighing. “Uh…What is the strangest thing that has happened to you in the restaurant?”

Yukhei chuckles at her words. ��Is that really your question.”

“Is that a question I hear from you? You can’t ask questions.” She taunts and Yukhei smiles, nodding his head and raising his hands up in the air in surrender.

“Ah, yes!” Yukhei says when he remembers something, rubbing his left eye as he speaks. “There was this one lady that once got to the restaurant and Hendery asked for my help because she kept trying to lie to us saying Kun’s food was the Devil’s or something like that. I had to talk to her…but she dropped to the ground and pretended she had a heart attack after, only not to pay.” She opened her mouth in surprise when he said those words.

“No way, you’re lying!”

“Nope.” Yukhei shakes his head with a smile. “But I didn’t know back then that it was a feigned heart attack, so I carried her in my back and took her to the doctor. When the doctors told me that she did not have a heart attack, Kun almost died of a heart attack. But he forgave her after she paid the meal.”

“Oh my God…” She trails her voice and with a chuckle, she takes the next card, placing it down to see that it was a seven. “Go ahead, your card.”

Yukhei whistles as he puts his card down and a perfect ten shows his win. “So, I win this one.”

“Yeah, yeah,” She takes a sip from her can. “Just ask.”

“I’m just gonna ask, then.” The flirty tone of his voice is palpable as he leans forward and lets a loud chuckle leave his lips. “Do you like someone?”

Oh no.

Fuck no.

She wishes she could stop, but she can’t, all she wants to do is run away…but once again, that is not in the list of possibilities, so with one look at his rounded eyes and his glossy and plump lips, she replies with closed eyes something that would surprise him. “Yes. I like someone.” Since when?! She asks herself, but it is too late to stop now. Yukhei lets his smile drop and his hands play with the card on his hand before placing it against his bottom lip.

“Who?”

“Only one question per round, loser.” She tells him and when she puts her other card down, she is thankful it is the highest card.

And all she does that night is win just so she doesn’t have to answer that question

With a lollipop stuck in between his teeth, lips rosy and perky as he hears her speak, she sits across from them. A confidant of sorts? Maybe that he had become, the only person who is fully capable of understanding her and the situation, how wicked it had turned and just how much it had flowed to come what it was. Ten’s legs are resting comfortably on his couch as she takes up a spot on the floor. All she can think about is how the black bean noodles she had were starting to make a mess of her stomach, but maybe her need to throw up comes from being so stupid.

It’s not complex, there are far worst things that she could be going through, but it is stupid of her to believe that what she did, does and continues doing is not wrong. Ten has the time of his life, sucking on the cherry lollipop before sighing. “So, let me see if I can understand,” He straightens his back when he starts his sentence. “And maybe I’ll get it wrong…because The Notebook? That shit has nothing on how dramatic you are with your life.” The comment should have brought to a smile to her face, or maybe it does, she doesn’t recall. “You and Lucas went out on a date…and were playing a game of cards. He asked if you liked someone, and you said yes.”

“Pretty much.”

“And is it Renjun?”

Renjun, the person who absentmindedly started it all. Getting over a crush is something that happens all at once, it is in one swift motion that she realizes she doesn’t like Renjun anymore. Surely, his tiny eyes had once held the stars, and without even talking about his lips anyone would say that she had dreamed about kissing them at least once, but that is far from the point. Now, she sees Renjun as…the waiter from the Chinese restaurant she likes the most, just that one person with sweet cologne and oversized clothes.

It’s the lack of attention from him, or maybe it’s the fact that she never truly had a conversation with him to like him that much, but it’s a weight taken off her shoulders. What needs to be taken care of, now, however, is a whole different ordeal.

Wong Yukhei and his sufficient need of making her life impossible.

She shakes her head. “I told you I don’t like Renjun anymore.”

“…I told you so!” Ten nags, like he always does whenever he is right. “But you said he was, like, the only guy you’ll like this entire year and look at us—May, you already like someone else.”

“That’s the thing,” She points out, standing up and getting dizzy as she feels the acids from the food she had going up her throat. The least she wants is to throw up in Ten’s apartment. “I don’t know if I like someone else.”

“So it’s Renjun.”

“I know it’s not him.” She confirms. “I…said it in the heat of the moment. Kind of because saying you don’t like someone in a date is like saying ‘yeah, I would never touch you, not even if I was paid to do so’.” Ten blinks at her, because he has never met someone that makes their lives as difficult as she makes hers. All she does is sigh, resting her weight over Ten’s calves only to have him whine.

“Get off.”

“Okay.” She mumbles and then, she slaps her hands against the sides of her thighs. “What doesn’t Yukhei understand about not making things complicated? All he seems to do is just go out of his way to…I don’t know, dramatize my life. I’m going Broadway next year, watch it.”

Ten nods his head, because he always knows what to do and with a small hum, he replies: “Everything is going to get settled. Just…be patient. Sit your ass down.” Somehow, she doesn’t feel relieved, not even when she talked it out with someone she trusts. “Do you want more noodles?”

With a wince, maybe a bit of a gag, she shakes her head. “Nope.”

At least, he was there to feed her through the pain.

When Yukhei laughs, his nostrils grow larger.

But that happens to everyone, right? Plastic surgery or not, it’s not something she realizes at first—but with Yukhei she does. Perhaps, it’s the fact that they are alone in the very mall she works at, her shift about to end and Yukhei talking as they munch on slices of pizza. Like he said, he made the pizza guy stay after his shift just to get that pizza done, so she is thankful for his actions when he goes to visit her on his free day at work.

The most adorable and sweet thing that could be done was that, exactly that, with Yukhei’s smile growing big as he stuffs his mouth with pizza and coats his lips on the grease from the meal. His mouth is full when he holds his big (and greasy, really) hands out to her, both in front of his body. “Let’s play a game.”

“You’re always going crazy for games.”

“Huh, better a child at heart than an old man with the possibility of dying.”

“True.” She whispers and then, she gets away from the counter, standing in front of him and taking the way he places his last bite of pizza inside his mouth, a big chunk making his cheeks grow in size. She extends her arms as well, hands displayed for him before sighing. “You push me; I push you?”

Yukhei nods his head happily, swallowing whatever he had inside his mouth. “Whoever falls loses.”

“Be careful with the counter, though.” She points out and Yukhei rolls his eyes.

“I know, I know.” Then, he pushes her lightly, making the woman gasp as she rolls her arms to keep her balance. Once she is in equilibrium again, she scolds him.

“That took me by surprise!”

“Whole point, sweetheart.” But what he doesn’t expect is that she pushes at him, as well, and Yukhei almost stumbles back it if wasn’t for him leaning on his shoes. The man opens his mouth in surprise before chuckling. “You got some WWE strength within you.” He adds and then, he bites his bottom lip. “My type of girl.”

“Oh shut up, push me.” She tells him, missing the way her heart skips a bit before she feels Yukhei pushing at her once again, quite weakly.

“Now you do it.” And she pushes, but she doesn’t get him to move making her groan.

“Your turn.”

Suddenly, she feels Yukhei pushing her a bit too hard and the thought of falling fills her heart, embarrassment already making a home out of her brain. Much to her surprise, she feels a pair of arms wrapping around her waist to bring her with him, their abdomens touching one another as Yukhei catches her. “Sorry. I went too strong on you, are you alright?” A breath being released as he looks around her face is enough to have her smile dropping. All she can think about are Yukhei’s wide eyes, his plump lips pressing against hers, like two pillows or two cherries she would like to take a bite of. It’s messy, how her head comes up with a million thoughts but she can’t settle on one.

Kissing him, maybe?

Perhaps just hugging?

Pushing him away would be the best option, right?

“As alright as I can be.” Her voice is merely a mumble, coquettish in its own way and Yukhei smiles, moving her hair away from her face to look at her. She can sense his need to kiss her, but there is a barrier in between the two. Her uncertainty. “Let’s try again.” She says and Yukhei seems lost for a moment, before finally letting go of her, his disappointment shown in his every feature before he changes it for a smile.

“Let’s go, then.”

There is this one client with plump lips and the most innocent looking face, apparently called Sicheng, that takes his time into picking the type of earrings he wants to give to his girlfriend. He looks wealthy, exudes elegance and softness, but that is far from the point. It is during her shift, when she is attending that costumer that she gets a text from Ten, one that makes her heart skip—no, it makes her heart stop at the thought of what he is saying happened.

“So…I may have told Yukhei about the fortune cookie thing accidentally. I’m sorry.”

She obviously screamed at him through text, asked him who gave him that position to confirm or deny something that they had planned, and her anger was blaring from her like the lava of a volcano. It’s then that she realizes something, happiness is never quite palpable until it is taken away from someone, and the realization of the fact that Yukhei might mean to her more than she intended to hits her all at once. Before she knows it, her worn-out shoes are hitting the pavement with harsh footsteps, her body leaning forward to go faster. All she wants to do is talk to Yukhei, probably scold Ten and fix what she had created in the last few months.

That night, the air was thicker, like it could not go through her nostrils and to her lungs. The burning of her heart came from her own actions, as if she had taken a lighter and decided to inflict the pain that suddenly makes her feel at guilt. The temperature could have been hot, just like how it could have been cold. It could have rained, or it could have not. What she knows, something so certain that she’d write it in her deathbed, with her eyes closed, only concentrating on what she feels, is that Yukhei always had the purest of intentions with her. To flirt. To have fun. To make her days better, even by the slightest, sometimes with a joke so bad that she needs to laugh.

And her own egocentrism, her narcissism, had led her to become that muddy fish in the dark tank, attacking everyone even if they were not dangerous.

Is Hendery there, by the TV, like he always is? She doesn’t recall.

Is Ten serving people with a smile on his face? That’s unknown.

Is Renjun somewhere? Perhaps.

But Yukhei is carrying some plates, putting them over the counter and calling Ten over. It is quick when she walks over to him, standing in front of his body in the counter to see his usual attire. Sweat appearing by his forehead, plush lips a rosebud shade of pink, eyes filled with what she knows is anger. Had she ever seen Yukhei angry? Not really. Not even in a million years would she have thought that Wong Yukhei, out of all people, would be mad at someone. Let alone her.

“Yukhei, we need to talk.”

With his lips pressed tightly and his hands touching the edge of the counter, he speaks. “Not really, no.” Yukhei tries to move away, to another part of the counter, but she follows after his steps, even if that means following him around the restaurant.

“Listen, I am so sorry—”

Yukhei looks up, shaking his head. “I said: we don’t need to talk.”

Before he could move away, however, she takes him by the arm, pulling him closer even if that meant having his tall and taut body leaning on the counter. Their faces are close and he is battling a bit with himself to stop his motions of looking deeply into her eyes. “Yukhei…what Ten told you happened months ago. The fortune cookie was not for you, yeah, I admit that much. But the texts, the talks, the dates—all that was true.”

“Yeah, because I tried to make it happen.” Yukhei adds before pulling away from her, her body stumbling slightly but she catches her balance. “I showed you my only insecurity and you treated me like everyone else treats me. Dumb, like a fucking dumb-shit.”

She sighs. “That’s not true, you know it.”

“And you knew I liked you. I had to ask people for your number and ask you out on dates and—god, you never even initiated conversation—”

“I’m dumb, yes, I’m the dumb one here.” She corrects him, resting her hands inside her pockets before sighing. “But Yukhei, you really mean a lot to me. I like you, I really, really do.”

It can be seen in his eyes, brown and glossy, emotionless as they take her in, that he doesn’t believe her and when he takes a paper from one of the waiters, he replies. “Get out of the restaurant. Now.” His deep voice that always sounded lively now sounds like her worst nightmare.

“Yukhei—”

“Now.”

Perhaps, she lost that battle.

Okay, so maybe…just maybe, most certainly, totally, really, she likes Yukhei.

It is something she realizes a week and a half after their encounter at the restaurant, that she can’t live properly without a message from him, that all she wants is to make him smile, to hear his jokes, to help him out with tests because he has a tendency to fail—to do anything to make him happy. Most importantly, all she wants is to kiss his lips, promise there is no one else that she’d rather be with and make it a promise. It’s dizzying, sure, to feel that way all so suddenly, but it gives her a sense of purpose.

She realizes, by then, that she is better at plans than Ten will ever be and that honesty is the only way to get out of that mess, so with her prettiest set of casual clothes she goes to the restaurant she knows oh-so-well. Red and gold and prettiness that seeps through every corner, the smell of the best food she has ever had, all that reminds her of good memories and now, some bad. In her mind, she just wants to talk to Yukhei, but he is probably in the kitchen helping Kun, that means that she needs to ask someone to go look for him.

Before she could ask Ten, however, she bumps into someone and she hears someone cussing softly before speaking up. “Uh, sorry, I was not looking where I was—fuck.” That voice is one she recognizes, higher and softer than Yukhei’s, definitely one that she had dreamed about in the past. When she looks up, Renjun is standing there, flushed cheeks, an uncomfortable face on. It means he probably knows what happened. “Do you need anything? I don’t have the time to talk and—”

“Can you tell Yukhei to come talk to me? I’ve tried contacting him but he doesn’t answer my calls or my texts.”

Renjun bites his lip, shaking his leg before shrugging his shoulders. “He doesn’t want to see you. I’m not getting into your business…more than you already made me be inside of. I am involved and I didn’t even know I was involved.”

She releases a sigh, because surely, Renjun was the person that started all this absentmindedly, and he really must feel uncomfortable. “Sorry, I was stupid…and I didn’t know what to do. Just know that I don’t feel like that anymore.”

“Yeah, good, because…you know…sorry but I didn’t like you that way? I don’t, right now, either.” Renjun confesses and it would have felt like closure, if only what she felt for Renjun was as strong as what she feels for Yukhei.

“I know.” She replies, raising her eyebrows. “So, care to call Yukhei?”

“I’ll try…but I can’t promise anything.”

The air is cold, crisp, and her bomber jacket is not enough to keep her warm as she stares at that door that leads to the kitchen. The only person that comes out is Renjun, only minutes after, sending her a saddened glance that makes her lose hope, but she stays seated in hopes of getting Yukhei to go out. However, as prideful—and rightfully so—as the man was at that moment, the only person who goes out is the cook, Kun, someone whom she hasn’t talked to at all, but she knows about.

Maybe, it’s time to give up.

The only thing she wants, after almost a month of not talking to Yukhei, is for a window to open for closure. Surely, if whatever happened in between them needed to end, then she wanted the story to have a final chapter. It hurts, a little bit, sometimes when she is working or when she is alone in her room, she thinks of him. Big hands that wanted to shelter her from the world. Lips that would have kissed all her worries away. Eyes that looked at her as if she was the only woman in the world. Yukhei did not deserve what she did to him, lie to him that was, or hide something from him if that was the case, but she did not know what to do—and in her defense, she thought Yukhei would not be angry that long.

“Please, please, please.” She begs as she hears her phone going off with the tone that indicates she is calling Yukhei. She paces back and forth in her room, socks touching the cold floor and making her shiver slightly, her legs are shaking out of anxiousness and she hopes, prays, that her last try on calling Yukhei takes something out of the situation. “Please…pick up…”

Yet, she had already called him a million times, and calling him another time would not make the difference. Yukhei is angered, perhaps he has already gotten over her— “My mom knows a police officer. Keep calling me and I’ll contact him.”

That voice, deep and fun. All she knows is that the sound equivalent of calloused guitar hands would be Yukhei’s voice. “Y-Yukhei…uh…no, don’t call the police.”

There is a moment of silence, a sigh and she imagines he is pushing his hair away from his face. “What is it that you need?” He whines slightly, something that she has never heard him do, always being on the opposite end of being teased. “I told you I don’t want to talk to you. Leave it like that.”

“I want you…to go out on a date with me. Like, real date. As in…I will really try because I like you.” The confession downs on her at that time, that she likes him so much to the point she misses every second that she spent with him.

Yukhei scoffs in between a chuckle, however. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

“Yukhei, I am serious. I’m sorry.”

Whether Yukhei is someone who forgives fast or not, is something that she has learned. He’s prideful, much more when he is hurt, and with a moment of silence, he releases another sigh. “You don’t have to pity me. I know you don’t like me and that’s—”

It is her time to raise her voice. “I’m not pitying you! I really like you.”

Thick and dense is the silence that follows soon after, like a foggy night with hot chocolate and equally as warm showers. Yukhei sniffles and then, he clears his throat. “You serious?”

“Of course…” She whispers, now bashful that she had been so honest, but that is part of life. Living her truth was the most freeing part of her life. “So…”

Yukhei clears his throat, the sound of shuffling on the other end calling her attention. “Then, take me out to dinner. You pay. On Satuday, eight sounds great to you?”

She’s awestruck, like she had never heard the sound of his voice. Yukhei ressembles a dragon to her at that very moment. “…Yes, yes!” She replies, a big smile appearing on her face as she sees a bright future ahead of them.

“Good,” Yukhei says and she can sense a smile on his face. “Make me forgive you.”

“…I will.”

“You know, there is one rule and one rule only in this restaurant.” The sound of Kun’s voice is heard around the restaurant, only thirty minutes before it opens as he showcases the paper that Ten had taped to the wall near the counter, next to one of Kun’s family pictures. The cook points at the paper with two hands, almost as if showcasing it with happiness. “No making out. No groping. No kissing.” Ten’s handwriting is clearly seen in the paper and Kun’s sarcastic smile just makes it a little bit funnier.

If she was asked three months ago if she ever imagined to be in that position, her back pressed to the counter as Yukhei holds her waist and looks into her eyes, conversing about life and what they were going to do after his shift ends, she would say that it was impossible and that Yukhei was angry at her. However, with her arms wrapped around his shoulders and his cologne touching her nostrils, she feels like she is living the best day of her life every single day. “Come on, Kun, I’m not making out with her or groping her.” Yukhei defends himself and Kun releases a big sigh, shaking his head before walking over to the kitchen.

“I give up.”

“So do I.” Hendery comes from his spot in front of the TV, zapping through channels to find something to watch. “There are two types of annoying people in this world: Rick and Morty lovers, and these two.”

She laughs at that, rolling her eyes at his words. “Says the guy who used to watch that show.”

“Pictures or it never happened.” Hendery bites back but she returns her attention to Yukhei, who hides his face in her neck as he lets out a long whine.

“I’m so tired, I don’t want to work…” Yukhei speaks loudly, like he always does, and she takes it upon herself to run her fingers through his hair, his dark strands brushing in between her fingers. He lets out a contented hum at that. “And I get out at ten today, I don’t think I can take you out…”

“I can always eat here.” She replies and Yukhei opens his eyes, big and wide as they stare at hers.

“Food here sucks.” Yukhei says, loud enough for Kun to hear it, and a smile appears on his face when the cook speaks in a loud tone.

“Just get to work, you dumbass!”

“Boss is calling.” Her boyfriend says before trailing his hand down to the back pocket of her jeans, leaning forward to press a short kiss to her lips, his plush ones serving as pillows that touch her own. His kisses trail to her cheeks, her neck, blowing a raspberry onto the skin to create a sound, tickling her as she giggles.

“Stop, it tickles—!” There is a blush hinting to appear on her face when she feels her boyfriend being pulled away from her, Ten taking him by the arm to drag him towards the kitchen.

“Go to work!”

And a smile spreads across her face when Yukhei waves at her from the door, blowing a kiss obnoxiously along the way, and suddenly she realizes her romantic life is no longer a question mark, because there is not a man in this world that is as honest as he is with her.

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theamberfang · 4 years

Text

Journal 295: Tense

I was feeling pretty stressed today, and there are a variety of potential reasons.

First of all, I essentially began my day pretty late—according to my own schedule anyway. I took a shower at 13:00 and ended up starting to write at 15:00. Getting my body cleaned did help though; if I had never managed the shower, I don’t think I would have managed to write anything at all. Though, while starting late probably exacerbated any anxieties I had, I was likely already stressed in the first place to. (I guess it may have been feeling dirty and really needing that shower.)

Second, there’s the pretty obvious option of it having to do with NaNoWriMo. I managed to draft a little scene last night, so there was definitely an expectation that I would continue today. As is often the case, that expectation may have made me really anxious, and it became especially obvious when I faced it directly.

There’s also the fact that I had the online trans support group tonight. As much as I tried to tell myself that I didn’t need to worry about the video/microphone, it’s still something I’m aware of. If I could stop worrying about things by telling myself I don’t need to, then solving my mental health problems would be so much easier.

The last thing is about tomorrow’s DBSA group, and it’s something I’m not sure if I mentioned last week. Tomorrow, the group is having a sort of early Thanksgiving, since the group is cancelled for actual Thanksgiving. I committed to bringing some food, which mostly involved asking my mom about it. There are two layers to it: that I’m bringing food at all and I’m worrying about what everyone will think about it and that I wanted to participate in cooking it, which means getting out of my comfort zone and being in the kitchen with Mom.

Oh, and the food is beef lumpia, a type of Filipino eggroll. I actually managed to observe my mom doing most of the early prep, so I have a solid grasp of the whole procedure now. She mixed a bunch of ground beef with a variety of chopped vegetables—carrot, onion, bell pepper, garlic, celery—in a bowl. I didn’t watch this part (because apparently the beef was still too cold to continue), but she told me that she was going to add eggs, salt, and pepper before letting it marinate overnight. Tomorrow the plan is to roll them in lumpia wrapper (I think it’s made of rice, but I literally just know it as lumpia wrapper from the packaging) and fry it.

So yeah, all of that may have contributed to me being general anxious and unable to write much. I didn’t even participate much in group tonight. To be fair, there were quite a lot of people this time, but I also felt really tense the whole time.

Part of that tension may have been from a new face (to me) making me feel somewhat uncomfortable, in a way that actually made me grateful that I didn’t have my webcam active because of the way I reacted to them. Primarily, they did seem to indicate that they were high, which might explain a good amount of their offputting behavior—really, a bunch of subtle things that I can’t quite articulate at the moment. What really threw me off was that after admitting they had a crush on a popular celebrity, they then indicated belief that the feeling was mutual.

Now, I’m not meaning to be judgemental. I have at least a rudimentary understanding that more serious mental illnesses can lead to these sorts of delusions (especially when drugs are involved). To be fair though, I’m not a trained professional, so I’m not ready to handle this sort of thing with a straight face. There’s actually a regular in our DBSA group (or at least, he was regular for awhile) who seemed to have similar delusions, but I haven’t been in too many groups with him.

Wrapping Up

Something I would like to try is dropping the times from my schedule. I originally added them as a sort of guideline so that I wouldn’t procrastinate all of my goals to the end of the day, and for a long time I did manage to keep in mind that they were primarily suggestions. Recently though, I feel like I’ve been putting more significance on being “on time” in a way that isn’t helpful.

One theory I just had is that maybe my routine has been thrown off. I stopped doing the whole dancing thing because it left my back hurting one day, and I’ve also stopped doing Khan Academy to focus on NaNoWriMo. I think I should try getting the dancing going again—just with a bit more caution from now on.

Tomorrow’s Tasks

Dance for exercise

NaNoWriMo

DBSA; 1700

Journal

#daily journal #personal #support group

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imaginetonyandbucky · 6 years

Note

Imagine Tony has been in the habit of enthusiastically indulging Bucky anytime Bucky actually chooses something. But Bucky has gotten too used to it, and is sort of riding roughshod over Tony now. (Not maliciously, just thoughtlessly.) Tony of course has no idea how to talk about the issue and so has been just going with it and letting it build and build. Finally a(nother?) major boundary is crossed and Bucky realizes what's been happening. Cue amends/compromises for a happy ending?

[A/N: This takes place in our Communal Kitchen ‘verse, between chapters 33 and 34 of Winter is Coming. But you don’t need to have read that to read this.]

Buckywas Bucky again, and not the Winter Soldier, thank god for smallmercies. Seeing Bucky triggered -- and then being forced to triggerhim again in order to win him back -- it had been one of the worstexperiences of Tony’s life.

AndTony had quite a few terrible experiences to choose from.

Ithad been even worse for Bucky, of course, and it was showing. Evenback to himself, he was quiet and withdrawn. And it didn’t takelong for Tony to realize that he was falling back into the habit ofletting others -- especially Tony -- tell him what to do.

Buckyhad noticed it, too; Tony could see him struggling with it. Therewasn’t much Tony could do to help, aside from watch his ownphrasing and try to be supportive of Bucky’s efforts to fight thoseingrained instincts. And to reward assertions of Bucky’s ownpreferences over Tony’s.

Ithad started small -- Tony said, “How do you feel about Chinese fordinner?” and Bucky had visibly braced himself before he responded,“Nah, I’d rather have Italian tonight.”

Tonyhad been craving eggrolls, but supporting Bucky’s fragileindependence was infinitely more important. He could have eggrollsany time. So Tony had swooped in on his boyfriend and kissed himbreathless. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

Andso it went.

Itwasn’t like it was hard. Simple things. Food choices -- and whenhad Tony ever really cared about food, except as fuel, so switchingfrom Mexican to Indian wasn’t too much of a big deal. Or movies;and after Bucky had watched enough modern cinema to have developed ataste in movies at all -- aside from just watching with all thediscernment of a four-year-old -- they were mostly compatible in thatdirection.

Buckyliked science fiction, the more cerebral and speculative, the better.He scoffed at the original StarTrek,but devoured JupiterAscendinglikeit was Oscar worthy. Bucky might have had bad taste, there, but hey,it was just a movie. Tony had sat through worse. Really, he had. Hewas sure of it. Maybe. But it was okay, they couldn’t agree oneverymoviethey watched.

Theworst part about it was on the rare occasion where Tony argued(because he was Tony and he always argued; it was in his very natureto be contrary). When Tony pushed back, Bucky would flinch,like he expected Tony to hit him. Or spew a mouthful of hateful wordsat him. Bucky recovered, quick enough, usually with a shake of hishead and a ready smile, and sometimes with a kiss, but Tony noticedhe was always… just a little less himself, after. For a while.

SoTony tried to argue less. With Bucky, anyway. Nothing was importantenough to see Bucky cringe like that, even for an instant, to have toremember Bucky’s life held in his hands. And really, Bucky askedfor so little, and he was so loving and generous with Tony...Relationships were about compromise, right?

Pepperwould be proud of how he’d grown.

[mobile readers, ‘ware the readmore!]

Sowhat if Bucky wanted to take the Tesla when they went out, instead ofTony’s favorite Audi?

Itwasn’t like it was any trouble. It wasn’t like Tony didn’t liketheTesla, too.

Okay,Tony did get in trouble the time that Bucky had wanted to stay in bedand cuddle, and Tony had missed an early investors meeting. Pepperhad been livid.“I didn’t forget,” Tony protested when she paused to draw abreath. “I just lost track of time, a little. Bucky wanted a littleextra cuddling this morning, and you know he’s been under theweather lately.”

“Tony,your boyfriend is older than you and me and Jim put together,”Pepper snapped, her eyes flashing dangerously. “He is grown upenough to be left to his own devices, whereas the Japanese PrimeMinister wanted some personalreassurancesthat integrating Stark Technologies for the majority of their publicutilities coordination was going to go smoothly. Reassurances that cannot give him, because I am a woman.” This was even moredangerous, although Tony would like to point out that certaindisagreeable sexism issues in other countries were entirely outsideof his wheelhouse. “Japan has a population density of three hundredand fifty per square mile; that’s a lot of people to be withoutpower if these new grids can’t hold up to the strain!”

“Ipromise I will go and see him at the embassy before his trip isover,” Tony swore. “Seriously, I didn’t mean to miss it, Ijust...” He trailed off, and held up his hands helplessly. “Comeon, Pep; you know me better than that. You know I didn’t mean it.”

“Iunderstand that you are indulging your boyfriend, and I’m veryhappy for you that you seem to have learned somethingaboutrelationships,” Pepper said, and she was gritting her teeth in away that suggested happywasthe least of her emotions at this particular point in time. “However,you have more than one relationship. Friends, and co-workers, and acorporation. Balance, Tony.” She sighed at his particularly hangdoglook. “Stop giving me the Bambi eyes. I’ll send him a fruitbasket. But you’d better get out there. Tomorrow at the latest.”

“Absolutely,I promise.”

WhenTony came back from his visit with the Japanese Prime Minister, hefound Bucky hunched over a computer terminal, feverishly comparing...climbing tools? “Hey, babe. What’s cooking?”

Buckylooked up, giving Tony a wide, brilliant smile. “Tony, hi,” hesaid. “Missed you.” He reached out and tugged Tony into his lap.“Was watchin’ some television while you were gone. Documentary onthe Discovery channel. Kinda reminded me a bit -- well, minus theorcs and trolls -- of that movie, what was it? With the littlehobbits, and the ring? That. Yeah. And you know, there’s a spot,Voronja, out in Georgia -- the slavic Georgia, not the state. I wasthere once, for a mission, but I thought it’d be nice to see whenI’m in my right mind. Deepest cave on the planet, they say.”

Well,that sounded moderately horrible. Tony had pretty much avoided cavessince the whole Afghanistan kidnapping incident. But far be it fromhim to discourage another’s fun. “Yeah? You should do that,” heagreed. “Sounds like a heck of a trip.”

“Yeah?”Bucky snuggled up against him, rubbing his chin on Tony’s back.“It’d be fun, right? When do you think we might be able t’ getaway for a bit?”

“...We?”Oh god, Bucky wasn’t thinking that they’d bothgo,was he? “You mean, we,we?”

“No,me an’ Steve,” Bucky said, rolling his eyes. “Of course, we.Us. You an’ me. Like, a vacation.”

“Avacation. In Georgia,” Tony repeated. “In a cave.”

Buckymade an amused little noise. “Legally, I think I’m stillconsidered a Russian citizen.” That had to be a joke, Bucky hadn’tbeen considered a legal anything for most of seventy years. He hadn’texisted, officially, on any country’s census.

“Idon’t know,” Tony hedged. “This thing with Japan has Pepperwound pretty tight. Might be a while before I can get away.”

“Oh,yeah, okay,” Bucky said. He swiped the screen with his right hand,spinning the menu options away. “It… it can wait. Cave’s notgoing anywhere.”

Damnit, he sounded so disappointed. So dejected. Tony scrubbed his handover his face. “Give me a couple of days,” he said, “and I’lltalk to Pepper, see what we can arrange. Maybe we can make it astopover on the way to Japan or something.” He’d never been anygood at denying Bucky anything.

“Great,”Bucky said, and he sounded really pleased. “You know, there’s somuch I remember from then, an’ ain’t very much of it good. I’dlike to show you one of the few things I remember that was pretty.”He nuzzled at Tony’s neck. “You’re th’ best.”

Andnow Tony would have to be the world’s biggest heel to deny him.

Tonykissed Bucky and resigned himself to a cave. And a round or three ofnightmares.

***

Buckyhad ended up on the far side of the bed again. Tony sometimes calledit the continental drift, where both of them pushed away and therewas a huge swath of empty bed between them. It didn’t happen toooften; the room temperatures were usually quite cool and Bucky putout a lot of body heat, which meant Tony was often curled up on oneside or the other.

Absently,Bucky put out his hand and started patting around for his boyfriend.

Therewasn’t even a Tony-shaped divot in the bed. The memory foam hadcooled enough to be smooth and flat.

Buckyopened his eyes. A distinct lack of Tony in the room. He listened. NoTony in the penthouse, actually. Huh. Bucky was only a particularlydeep sleeper in the first couple hours after he fell asleep. Afterthat, Tony shifting around to get out of bed would have woken him, atleast enough to remember Tony leaving. Sometimes he got an idea inthe middle of the night and had to go to the workshop.

“Hey,J,” Bucky said. “Tony down in the ‘shop?”

“Heis, sir,” JARVIS said. “I believe he woke early and did not wishto disturb your rest.” There was a brief pause, as if JARVIS wasconsidering. “If I might, sir, a word?”

Buckyflashed a grin, knowing JARVIS would see it wherever he was. “Youneed me to go rescue him from himself?” Tony was prone toforgetting to eat, sleep, drink, sometimes forgot even to go to thebathroom unless he was reminded, and over the years, he’d gottenremarkably good at ignoring JARVIS’s mild suggestions that hiscreator might, actually, be human and need to tend to his meat body.

“Presently,”JARVIS agreed. “In the interest of his continued good health,however, I wish to offer something of a trend analysis, if I might beso bold.”

“Haveyou, a day in your existence, ever been less than assertive?” Buckyloved the AI, considered JARVIS nearly as much of the family as Tonydid. Sassy, intelligent, and possessing a certain dry wit, andunimaginable depth of compassion for those humans he took under hiswing -- so to speak.

“Whereit pertains to Mr. Stark’s wellbeing, certainly not,” JARVISsaid. “I have noted a marked increase in restless nights over thelast ten days, and a significant uptick in fear response wakingpatterns indicative of nightmares, in the last four. Analysissuggests that the upswing began when plans were laid for yourupcoming trip.”

“Yeah?That Japan thing got him in a right lather? I know Miss Potts’sbeen givin’ him a bit of a hard time, but--” Bucky shrugged. Hedidn’t know. Business really wasn’t his area of expertise,except, perhaps, in sabotage. He wouldn’t have thought that wouldget Tony wound up, though. From all indications, the Prime Ministerhad been delighted with the system’s promised efficiency, and Tonyalmost never made technological promises he couldn’t deliver on.

“Mr.Stark has been to Japan on numerous occasions. It has never causedthis significant a deviation,” JARVIS said. “I believe the issuemay be with some plans for your stop in Georgia. Specifically, yourforay into spelunking.”

Thecave was beautiful, Bucky remembered that clearly, remembered beingstruck by the natural power of the place, even in the midst of whathad been a particularly tricky mission -- removing and relocating avaluable geologist whose hobby had been the exploration of caverns --without alerting anyone as to when or where he’d gone missing.

Heblinked. “Wait, Tony’s havin’ nightmares about spelunking?”

“Thatis my speculation, yes. Have you reviewed the file on Mr. Stark’skidnapping, some years past?”

“The…Ten Rings thing, or somethin’ further back?” Bucky knew that Tonyhad spend an inordinate amount of time being kidnapped or held forransom when he was a child, all the way up through his college years.It was kinda disgusting, really, that Howard had never been able totake better care of his own kid.

“Thatis the incident to which I refer, yes.” JARVIS had the tone of avery patient teacher with a particularly slow child. “Are youfamiliar with it?”

Buckywas familiar with a lot of Tony’s life. JARVIS even knew that, hadaccessed all the Hydra files Bucky had liberated about Tony Stark.The Afghanistan incident, that he only had passing knowledge of; theTen Rings hadn’t exactly filmed their brutalities, most of thetime. He’d seen a few pictures, the original ransom demand, theremains of the terrorist camp after Tony had destroyed it.

“He,uh. Got hurt, bad. Took shrapnel in the chest. Would have died,except some scientist put a damn electromagnet in his chest, to keepthe pieces from tearing his heart open,” Bucky said. That much waspretty common knowledge. Everything Bucky knew after that was…well, after. When Tony got back to the States and started on the paththat would eventually lead him to become Iron Man. “They, uh.Wanted him to build them a bomb and tortured him, when he refused.”Bucky shuddered, not liking to think of Tony, how alone he must havefelt, without even the damnable peace of cryo, the numbness ofmissions, to ease the agony.

“Indeed.The Ten Rings cell that held him made their camp, at least partially,within a system of caves in the mountains. He and his fellow prisonerwere kept in one of the deepest of these caves, to reduce the risk oftheir escape.”

Buckytook the force of that like one of Tony’s old missiles. Oh.

“Well,”Bucky said, slowly, “don’t I feel remarkably stupid.”And JARVIS had talked him through it like a toddler, forcing Bucky tocome to certain unpleasant conclusions, not only about the cave, butabout himself. “I… uh. Thank you for bringin’ this to myattention. I’ll… I should go talk to him, yeah?”

“Ithink that would be prudent,” JARVIS agreed primly.

Itdidn’t take him particularly long to get to the workshop,especially since he took the stairs. He’d long since proven than hewas faster than the elevator, a fact that annoyed Clint Barton to noend.

Giventhat JARVIS knew he was on his way, Bucky found it more than a littleannoying when the door didn’t open to his print. Bucky scowled,then knocked on the damn door.

Tonywas clearly visible, working at his usual station. He glanced up atthe knock and waved Bucky in. He made a face and said something,possibly to JARVIS, because the door clicked softly as it unlatchedand opened.

“Hey,sweetheart,” Tony said as Bucky came in. “Is it morning already?”

“‘Bouthalf past seven,” Bucky told him, as if Tony couldn’t check thetime. “I… hey.” He crossed the room and tipped Tony’s chinup, studying his face. A few days worth of stubble had filled in thespaces around his normally fastidiously cultivated facial hair, andthe circles under his eyes were probably visible from the moon.“Honey? Were you… were you gonna tell me?”

“Tellyou -- what? That I had a few bad dreams? It happens to all of us nowand then, nothing to do about it.”

“Yeah,I know that, we all get ‘em,” Bucky said. That much was true;there wasn’t a single member of the Avengers that didn’t sufferfrom the occasional sleepless night. He chewed his lip. “Old wivestale.. When you have a bad dream, you tell someone about it, shareit. And then, wham, you never have it again. Wanna tell me?”

Tonyshrugged, looked away. “Not much to it,” he said. “Stuck inAfghanistan again, only this time I can’t find my way out. Wind upcornered, out of ammo, power drained.” He held a breath, and let itall out in a gust. “Usually manage to wake up before they startshooting.”

Usually.

Buckydeposited a kiss on Tony’s curls, sticking up in all directions asif he’d been shoving his oily hands through them. He probably had,knowing Tony.

“Huh,”Bucky said. “Sounds terrible. I’m glad you’re okay, baby. Iget, you know I get ‘em, stupid nightmares. You know I can’t sitin th’ recliners, ‘cause being tipped back like that just gets mespun up.”

Tonynodded. “I know,” he said, more steadily. “I know that’s aproblem. That’s why we just have a bench down here, when I’mworking on your arm. I couldn’t do that to you.”

Buckytook a deep breath, pulled Tony in close. “So… uh. Why do youthink I’d wanna do that to you?”

“What?No, of course you wouldn’t!” Tony sounded genuinely offended onBucky’s behalf. “Why would you think that?”

Buckyhad to tread very carefully; Tony was prone to getting his back up,doubling-down, if he thought he had to prove something. “There areother things to do, in Georgia,” Bucky said. “Ruins, and somepretty little traditional villages, an’ all kinds of food shops.Wine tours. If you still want to go. I could even go do the cavesmyself, just for an afternoon.”

“Oh.”Tony sighed. “That’s not the same, honey. If you want me to gowith you -- you said you wanted to show it to me.”

“AndI do,” Bucky said, because he was pretty sure that it was importantnot to lie, even to spare Tony’s feelings. “I wantalot of things. But one thing I want, more than anything else? Is foryou to be happy and comfortable. Baby, if this thing isn’t going tomake you happy, then I don’t need it. That’s… that’s okay.”

Tonyshook his head. “I can’t just say no for every little thing youwant just because it’s not what I want,” he said. “That’s notfair.”

“You’renot sayin’ no to everything little--”

Oh.Oh, god.

“--Tony,you’re not saying no to anything.Like, ever.”Guilt shook Bucky all the way down to his core. “What the hell,Tony?” He pushed back a bit, so he could look down at Tony’sface, caught the way Tony’s eyes slid away from his gaze. “Tony?”

“Ican’t,” Tony said, eyes fixed firmly on the wall. “I can’tsay-- I mean, I can,obviously, I know I can, but you get so... it’s like you think I’mgoing to hurt you for picking the wrong thing, I can’t take it. Ican’t do that to you.”

Thenoise that came out of Bucky’s throat was practicallyunrecognizable as a word, a half-protest, half strangled groan. “Oh.”Bucky was a little wobbly in the knees, like a newborn baby deer.“Can… come here, come here, let’s--” Bucky teetered backwardand then shuffled, moving them over to the cot where he could sitdown, heavily. “I didn’t know.”

“Didn’tknow what?” Tony folded down next to him. “That you wereflinching? I’m not surprised, it’s just... something in youreyes, the way you hold your shoulders.”

Buckynodded. “Yeah, I c’n-- I see where it’s comin’ from. It’shard,asserting myself. I…” Bucky’s face and neck heated and heducked his chin so he didn’t have to look at Tony. “... you know,have to work my way up to it. Assets don’t have opinions. An’ Iknow, baby, I know. You’re tryin’ to make it easier for me. Iappreciate it, every bit of it, even if I didn’t quite notice atth’ time. But… Tony, we can’t go on like this, not either ofus.”

“Idon’t mind,” Tony said stubbornly. “Helping you is so much moreimportant than anything else.”

“Doesn’tseem very fair to you,” Bucky said. “An’ long run, I don’tthink it’s very fair to me, either. How’m I s’posed to getbetter at a thing, if I don’t get any practice. Tony, listen to me,please? Just… I swear, I don’t know why you think you deserve somuch lessthanI do. We’re partners, right?”

“Ofcourse.” Tony looked up at that, eyes searching Bucky’s face. “Iam listening, I just -- I’m trying to help you practice wantingthings,speaking up for yourself, having your own opinions. That’simportant, honey.”

“I’mnot disagreeingwithyou,” Bucky said, trying to untangle the situation. “I’m sayin’it’s more than yes/no. It… it’s not that simple, an’ I’msorry it took me so long t’ see that it wasn’t that simple. Iain’t been doing right by you, baby. My stupid messed up brain. So…hey, hey, stop lookin’ all sad like that, we’re gonna fix it,right, because that’s what adult people do when they’re in arelationship, okay. Okay?”

“Okay,”Tony agreed, though he still looked kind of sad. “I don’t knowhow, though. I want to help you. I likehelpingyou.”

Buckysmiled. “I like you helping me, too, honey. I like doing thingswith you, I like… all of this. What I don’t like, is yousacrificingyourcomfort for me. Okay? You gotta tell me these things, so that I know.Baby, I’d have never asked you t’ suffer, jus’ for me to have alark.”

“I’mnot--” Tony bit down on the lie, and huffed. “Yeah, okay. I...don’t want to go in any caves. That’s not... not my idea of fun.”

“Okay,Tony,” Bucky told him, and if he felt that vague tinge of unease,that sense of doom, he suppressed it as well as he could. It wasn’teasy, but that’s what they were doing, right. Compromise. It was athing. Bucky could feel uncomfortable for a few minutes, so Tonywouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable for several days leading up to,and probably after, and certainly during.“Then we don’t have to. So, do you still wanna go to Georgia, orwe can jus’ skip that an’ do vacation some other time, when we’vegot some time t’ think of something we bothwantto do?”

“Ialready wangled the time off out of Pepper,” Tony pointed out. “I’mnot about to admit to her that we could’ve scheduled the Japanmeeting earlier. We can still take a vacation together, like yousaid. Do some of that other stuff you mentioned.”

“Okay,Tony,” Bucky said. “We’ll do that. Tourist stuff. See all theplaces where I’ve been an’ didn’t notice what I was lookin’at. I like that idea. Honest.” He nuzzled into Tony’s hair,breathing in his scent. “I like spendin’ time with you. That’swhat’s most important, you know that, right?”

“Yeah,”Tony said, curling in closer. “Yeah, that part... That, I knew.”

“So…”Bucky said, still talking into Tony’s hair, “d’ you havesomehin’ down here you need or want t’ be doin’?” Maybe theycould make this work out, if Bucky knew what the expectations were,or the demands on Tony’s time, or his well being. Then he wouldn’thave to worry, when he asked for something, if he was beingunreasonable. And Tony wouldn’t have to be concerned that Bucky wasflinching, when he said no.

Tonylooked around at his shop. “Not really,” he said. “I wasjust... puttering, so I didn’t wake you up.”

Buckytraced a little circle on the back of Tony’s neck, then rubbed withhis thumb, soothing away tension. “I’m awake,” he pointed out,“if you wantedt’come upstairs an’ indulge me in some cuddling?”

Tonyappeared to give that some thought. “I think I have time for that,”he said, his mouth ticking up into a little teasing smirk. “I’dlike that.”

@27dragons & @tisfan

#prompts #winteriron #tony stark #bucky barnes #tony x bucky #27dragons #tisfan #midnightwhispers12

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ladysdork · 7 years

Text

Some Days It All Comes Crashing Down

“Jay? Fuck, Jay?” Dick’s fingers run along his neck, searching for the clasp on his helmet. “Shit, he’s hyperventilating.”

Jason doesn’t like being stuck underground. Luckily, he has a very patient knowledgeable boyfriend to lay on the ground with him. Tim can be comforting.

“Hood, report,” the deep gravel of Batman’s voice rumbles in his ear and Jason frowns, lips pursing slightly. The ancient subway system is completely clear at their end - it’s just some rusted tracks, graffitied tile, and squeaking rats. Nightwing is making shadow puppets with the flashlight as he searches, the two blue fingers twisting into snouts and mouths. They’ve been at it for two hours and the only suspicious thing they found was a box of old honeybuns stamped four years ago that still looked fully eatable. He had dared Dick to try one, but then Bruce immediately banned them over the comm before Dick had gotten past tearing open the wrapper.

“Nothing here, just Wing’s circus animal light show,” he could hear Bab’s snort muffled by her hand but still there through the line. “Yeah, you picked him, O. That’s on you.”

“Not to be a bummer,” Steph’s voice came through. “But those three stooges you were lookin’ for? But we’ve got em all tied up with a pretty pretty bow on top over here. So if the Batmobile could come pick them up we can all get back to being above fuckin’ ground.”

“Location?” Batman responds.

“Right under that Chinese place Red Robin likes,” Steph answers breasily.

“Ugh, eggrolls,” Tim’s voice practically moans over the line and Jason has to consciously not choke a reply. He figures that a couple months into dating he should be used to the pornographic sounds his boyfriend makes over various types of food. “Can we get lo mein for dinner? I’m ordering for us once I have some kind of cell coverage.”

“Are you ready to rendezvous?” Damian’s crisp tone cut past Dick’s echoing laughter through both the comm and the air around Jason. “Meet at the center?”

“Can do,” Steph chirped. “Red Robin and Spoiler en-route.”

“You know that’s not real French,” Tim starts at the same time Damian announces he and Cass’s agreement.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Dick starts, and Jason already knows he’s going to hate the next words out of his mouth just by the tone. “But, um, my normal map tracker got zinged by a bullet a week ago and I haven’t had the time to fix it so I don’t really know how to get there can someone-”

Jason knows, he can hear in the distance, Dick is continuing to talk even when Damian cuts in. But all he can hear is the sudden whoosh of veins dilating and a pounding heart pushing a wall of blood past his ears. All he can feel is the numbness creeping up his fingers and the constricting python around his chest as his brain re-starts at ‘stuck underground in Gotham’. He’s already been here. He’s waited for people and they didn’t show up and that’s how he woke up in a suffocating coffin with no air underground and had to claw his way out with bloody fingers and his nails never grew back right or his ribs or-

“Jay? Fuck, Jay?” Dick’s fingers run along his neck, searching for the clasp on his helmet. “Shit, he’s hyperventilating.”

Jason knows someone else responds, sounds like Tim’s angry voice, but he’s jerked away from the fingers reaching around his neck, trying to suffocate him or pull him out and back to life and either way it isn’t good, and he trips, falls back and lands hard on his spine. The pain radiates for a second, bringing enough clarity and awareness to his limbs that Jason pulls them all in, ducks his head into his hands, and stays.

No one can reach him. Hands can’t pry him open, apart, vulnerable to attack or misguided affection. He is strong enough for that, knows where to hold onto his neck and tuck his elbows in. Kicks won’t reach anything too important - kidney’s might get hit but usually he just throws up, no wait, he’s got kevlar, and bones might break, no wait, he’s got kevlar, but the pressure of curling up is keeping his chest even tighter and he can’t breath fast enough because something is over his face-

He isn’t sure how long he stays curled up - a panicked tone floating around him - before he hears a good voice. A safe voice.

“Jay, it’s me,” Tim. “It’s Tim. I’m sitting right in front of you. I’ve got you covered, okay?”

He can’t nod back, can’t open his mouth to speak because something is still on his face so he can’t get enough air and it’s all muggy and warm, so he taps with fingers-

“Okay, I understand. Jason, you’re okay, it’s your helmet. I’m going to remove it though,” he feels fingers press softly against his shoulders, two sets sliding up steadily until they push on something and his head is pulled free. Light blooms beyond his eyelids, and he tries to open them but it’s too much. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. You can keep your eyes shut, I’ve got you, Tim’s got you. We are sitting on the ground, and I’m here. Your helmet is off, but it’s near by. Just off until you can breathe enough to put it back on, okay?”

He nods. He can do that. Breathing is such a simple task and if he can’t do that he deserves to stay dead.

“I’m lying down with you, okay,” he hears the grit and dirt move and then feels air ghost across his face. “Okay, Jason, can you give me one hand? So I can breathe with you?”

He shakes his head. He can’t. He needs that hand.

“Okay, that’s okay. I’m going to count them out, but when you think you can, if you can, just reach out. My fingers are still on your arm, so just follow up me okay?”

Yeah, yeah, he can do that. He’s dead but apparently he can do that. So when he feels Tim’s fingers trace up to his shoulder, rest against his bicep, he nods.

“Good. Okay. In, one, two, three, four. Out, one, two, three. In…”

He concentrates on the warmth of Tim’s hand. His palm is pressed against him, more pressure than warmth through the leather jacket. But he knows how warm Tim is. Which is to say not at all, usually. But he wants to feel it, so he wiggles his fingers. Just a little. Just so the tips press against his chin and he can feel the stubble - it’s been a long week of papers - and that makes it easier to move his arm. So he works on extending it, feels Tim’s fingers move to rest against his side and press to his ribs as he settles his own big hand on Tim’s chest. He stops listening to Tim’s counting, just feels the rise and fall under his hand, against his hand, and does his best to copy.

“Good job, Jay,” Tim’s voice makes it past his brain that still says dig, claw, fight. “Good job. I’ve got you, you just keep breathing, okay? As long as you breathe, we are going to be just fine.”

That’s a fucking lie. Just over the weekend Tim woke up screaming because he had a very realistic nightmare that everyone died. It has happened to him before and it could happen again. Jason knows it. Tim knows it. But they both hope to God it won’t. But expecting fine in their like ignoring the bomb in the warehouse. But living like death is right around the corner is impossible, exhausting, too much. So until then, he’s going to live the rest of his days cleaning up coffee mugs and waking up to Tim talking in his sleep. He’s going to live.

He can do this.

For Tim. For himself. For them.

He opens his eyes, just little slivers in case it’s still blinding like it was before, but Tim’s blocked most of the light and all he can see is blue. The same light blue he wakes up and falls asleep to. The same blue he kisses and sometimes has to pry away from computer screens even under death-glare and bo-staff. Which is no joke coming from his boyfriend, Jason's seen what happens when he levels that weapon at others, but tea, cuddles, and smores poptarts - eugh - make an excellent bribe. Tim shifts slowly, fingers curling around to pull them closer as he tips his head and presses their foreheads together. Tim is warm, solid, steady. There and patient just like always. The familiar swirl of Tim cologne, coffee, and sweat slowly permeats his head, wrapping him in a Tim- sized bubble and grounds him back to this safe moment.

Jason isn’t totally sure how long he’s been on the ground. But he guesses ten minutes. Which is plenty enough time to spend on an old subway track. So, he copies Tim’s breathing some more, makes sure he’s doing it right, before pressing harder against Tim’s head.

“Help me up?”

“Of course,” it takes another minute of helping muscles unlock and joints creak but then he’s standing, Tim staring up at him with that soft worried smile. His eyes are all crinkly at the edges. “Do you think you are okay to walk?”

“Yeah, yeah, I am,” Jason swallows and clumsily tangles their hands together. “But-”

“I’ve got you,” Tim fixes the order of their fingers so it feels right, squeezes gently. “Dick went to go get the bike, but we can start walking. We aren’t far.”

“Okay, sounds good.”

“I think you scared him. He was staring at us until I got on the floor with you. Then he said he didn’t want to be in the way,” Tim laughed slightly and Jason drank in the sound. “Even though he was standing a good several meters off.”

“Yeah well I think I did kind of shove him away and fall to the ground.”

“That would explain it,” Tim squeezes his hand again, gaze flicking back up to Jason instead of down at all the iron spikes and rocks and broken glass. “Need anything else?”

Jason takes a second, runs an assessment down his body. Feet are good, he can feel his boots crunch down on shifting soil every few steps. Legs are walking a little slow, feel a little shaky, but nothing he doesn’t experience on the regular. His chest is breathing. He feels a little nauseous, but that will fade into hunger by the time they get home. So he smiles slightly, knows it looks wrong but also knows Tim knows that, and squeezes back.

“I’m good. Alive and with you. So, good,” Tim’s stomach rumbles. “But I’m not cooking tonight so you should order in.”

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gillian-ybabez · 7 years

Text

Hurricane Harvey Log 3

<<Previous

Author Note: This is the last of my logs from Hurricane Harvey.

Day 2 – Saturday

I kept my phone connected to power up until it went out early this morning. After that, I turned on power saver mode. On standby, I should have a little more than a day of battery.

Water turned off today. I have drinking water so that’s not a big concern. I’m more worried about how I’m going to manage the bathroom. When I wrote my apocalypse novella, I gave a lot of thought to how to use the bathroom without running water. I didn’t include it in the novella because it seemed too gross to discuss. I hope I don’t have to enact the plan I came up with.

Later

Water came back on but there are warnings to boil before drinking or using to cook.

I took a bag of trash out. When I opened the door, a black void greeted me. I grabbed the LED lantern I have been using to light the apartment. After I dropped the bag into the trash can, I turned off the light. It was not the total darkness I had seen through the door. The corner store has lights as does the Lowe’s that is just within sight. A glow comes from the distance.

Day 3 – Sunday

Water is back off.

I took a leap of faith and went to Lowe’s to charge my phone. There was not a dedicated area for people to plug in like I hoped but an associate pointed out an outlet I could use. Unfortunately, it was behind a couple of coolers and another associate made me step out. Thankfully he led me to another outlet that was on the sales floor.

While I was standing beside the outlet, a woman passing by asked me where the portable fans were. I said no and she stood there staring at me for a moment before finally saying, “You don’t work here do you?” I said no. She laughed and said I looked official. I’m not sure if my it was my Voltron shirt or the wires leading from my purse to the outlet that made me look “official”.

I managed to get a partial charge before the store closed early for the day. I am going to be turning my phone off for hours at a time, turning it on only for a few minutes to check for messages and news.

Later

Listening to Coast to Coast for the first time. It’s filling the of void my paranormal podcasts. Many of them cite Coast to Coast as inspiration but I have never sought it out before. Tonight I was missing my podcasts but needed to conserve my phone battery. My eyes were tired of reading and just music wasn’t enough. I switched over to the AM bands hoping to find a news talk show that wasn’t conservative.

“…men in black, aliens, glitches in the matrix.” This caught my attention and immediately I suspected I had tuned into Coast to Coast. The signal was slightly broken so I continued scanning. From one end of the AM band to the other, I encountered the show three more times. The last was the clearest. The guest was talking about synchronicity in his life, coincidences that defied logic.

How coincidental that I wanted to listen to a paranormal podcast and found the show that inspired a lot of them?

Day 4 – Monday

I’ve been reading Maria V. Snyder’s Study series. I read the first two books long ago. The third book came out but too much time had passed and I couldn’t follow the story. A little while later I bought all three book and set them aside to read one day. I’ve finally dived into the series. I’m almost done with the third book and I realized there is too much to resolve in what is left of the book. I thought there were only three books in the series but there must be more.

I went to the corner store and bought a couple of egg rolls off the roller grill. and a cold Big Red. It’s only been two and a half days since my last hot meal. Truthfully I could have gone longer but the ease of acquiring the egg rolls was just too much of a temptation.

I finished the third book of Snyder’s series. She pulled off an ending that tied off most of the plot in a fairly satisfying manner. I’m disappointed that the character described as having very dark skin was the ultimate bad guy and not being mind controlled like I hoped. Most of the characters are described as being various shades of brown so they weren’t the only poc in the book but they were the darkest and no one else was described as being as dark.

Day 5 – Tuesday

I woke up several times during my night but didn’t turn my phone on until 10 am. I looked for the icon in the upper corner to let me know a message had been received. None appeared so I checked Facebook and Twitter for the latest news. I turned off the screen and rolled over back to sleep for a few hours. Around 1 pm I woke up. I read a little and then I got up to shave and shower. My plan was to go to the corner store and get something hot to eat, eggrolls, hotdogs, corndogs, whatever they had ready and hot on their roller grill.

After my shower, I was standing in my room, dressed only from the waist down, when I heard a clatter and thump from the front door. A second later, my roommate appeared standing in my open doorway. I crossed my arms over my breasts and she turned away while apologizing. I quickly found a bra and shirt. And that was the end of my solitude.

<<Previous

"Hurricane Harvey Log 3" was also posted on my website, Gillian's Notebook, home of my writing. Help support my writing by becoming a patron. Reblogs help to spread my writing to new readers.

#hurricane harvey #memoir #stories

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varietyofwords · 7 years

Text

Addendum, Part Sixteen (Chicago P.D.)

Title: Addendum

Chapter: Got the Munchies (Part Sixteen)

Fandom: Chicago P.D.

Rating: T/PG-13

Author's Note: This oneshot picks up at the end of "A Night Owl" (3x15).

The ringing ceases with an audible click, and then her gravelly, giggly voice filters through the speaker and into his ear. The sound of it tugs his lips upward into a smile; the question contained within it causes his own chuckle to burst forth because, yeah, he kind of does have the munchies now.

"Starving," he tells her, and his smile deepens as her laughter cuts through the phone, as he follows her instructions to hold on and listens to muffled words as she tells someone not to leave something anywhere. He has no idea who the someone or what the something might be, but his attention is pulled from what he overheard to the silent mimicry of the last two people exiting the store.

The former Marine who cracked jokes about a pot shop being his stepping stone out of rehab stands silently by the front door; his military training evident in the way he positions his body and keeps his eyes scanning the horizon as his boss - their boss - works on locking up for the night. Jay's brow furrows when he spots Brianna patting the guy's chest as she says her goodbyes for the night, when he notices how the gesture causes the guy's eyes to widen slightly and his jaw to lock tighter.

Yet the furrow in his brow releases when he hears he say his name, and Jay shifts slightly in the driver's seat of his car as he drags his attention back to the woman on the other end of the line. Gives a small nod in farewell when he catches Terry's attention as the former Marine watches Brianna dart across the parking lot to her car, as his new coworker eventually follows her lead and heads to his own pickup truck parked three spots down from Jay's car.

"Are you done for the night?" The voice in his ear questions, and Jay offers a hum in response before asking if Erin still wants to grab dinner. "Yeah, I gave Burgess her toothbrush so I'm good for dinner."

"Her toothbrush?" Jay questions because he has no idea how a toothbrush became a part of getting drinks with Burgess and some of the women from Med or Firehouse 51. But Erin's soft chuckle accompanies instructions not to worry about it, and she shifts the conversation to be about when and where they want to meet for dinner.

"I'm beat. Can we just do takeout at my place?"

"Hmm," Erin hums, and the sound of music, laughter, and clinking beers downs out the sound of her voice for a moment as she pretends to consider his offer. Or, at least, he hopes it is pretending because while he'd happily take her out wherever she wants to go or cook her something at home, he also thinks curling up on his couch and fighting over the last egg roll sounds like a better way to end a day where he worked back-to-back shifts. "Better idea. We get takeout at my place."

He scoffs at bit at her suggestion - his eyes fluttering shut as his lips twitch into a smile - because he should have known that her objection would be centered around his apartment. He can count on one hand the number of times she's stayed there overnight since they went official back in October. Can't count on one hand the number of times she's complained about the lack of windows, the smallness of his couch, or the minimal number of pillows on his bed. All complaints that, if he's been honest, he's started to consider in his decision to start looking for a new place.

New apartments - whether rented or owned - cost money, though, and that's why he's ended up spending his night working security at a pot shot. Setting aside his reservations about putting more drugs on the street - even if it is just pot - and agreed to stay on his feet for a couple more hours a day instead of spending his downtime on Erin's couch. Getting in that form and function.

"Your place, it is," he agrees after a moment, and he glances down at the clock to try and come up with an accurate ETA. "Want me to pick you up at Molly's? I can be there in twenty."

"No," she replies explaining that he'd have to drive past her place to get there and, besides, she and Burgess drove over seperately so she needs to get her car home anyways. "I'll head out now and meet you there. Is Chinese good? I call and order our usuals."

"Yeah, that sounds great. I'll see you in a bit," Jay says ending the call when Erin says she'll see him soon. He toss the phone onto the passenger seat beside him, shifts forward in his own seat, and reaches for the key in the ignition to turn the car over. His eyes scan over the empty parking lot once more before he shifts the car into reverse and heads towards Erin's place.

Traffic is heavier than he anticipated for this time of night, and the smell of takeout Chinese food already permeates the hallway by the time he finds a parking spot and makes his way inside Erin's building. Figures that means almost all the eggrolls have found a new home in Erin's stomach as he raps lightly on the door to her apartment.

"Hey, babe," she says when the door swings open, and the repetition of her earlier greeting causes him to smile because who knew Erin Lindsay was so into pet names? And before he can stop himself, before his stomach can tell his brain that he is far too hungry to start this right now, his arm is snaking around her waist and pulling her into him. His head dips down, and his lips find hers. Capture the words she was going to say, the question on her lips in a series of hungry kisses as he backs them both into the hallway of her apartment.

The door slams shut behind them thanks to the kick of his boot against it, and he slips his hand under her blue jean shirt and her black tank top to rest it against the bare skin of the small of her back. Presses another kiss against her lips until he feels her hand press against his chest, until he feels her pushing him ever so slightly away. And his head rears back to give her some space, to take in the slightly stunned look on her face.

"Okay," Erin says in that same joking tone she used less than an hour ago when she answered the phone and poked fun at his new job. "Aren't you supposed to be too mellow to do anything but eat?"

And he tries to laugh at her joke, tries to come back with a suggestive comment about what exactly he wants to eat tonight, but the fingers on his chest switch from holding him back to softly tracing circles onto his skin through the fabric of his jacket and she's looking at him in a such a way that makes it clear those kind of jokes aren't going to fly tonight. Makes it clear that she knows something happened.

"Did she hit on you?" Erin questions as her eyes narrow, as her laughing mirth becomes twinged with a bit of jealousy. Jealousy that deepens as he stumbles through a convoluted reply of denial and then acquiescence of the possibility followed by assurance that he's not interested.

"I'd tear up her phone number," he promises, "but I kind of need it for when I have to call out sick."

"Thought you didn't get sick?" Erin sass back.

"I don't," he assures her, and his features twist into a smirk. "I just like having you take care of me. Nothing cures all ailments like undiluted soup out of a can."

The comment earns him a roll of the eyes and a light smack of her hand against his chest because she forgot to add a cup of water one time and he's never let her live it down. Yet the fingers that smacked him still as the smirk on his face droops, as her eyes search his for an answer that he's not sure he has to give.

Seven years ago, he would have been drawing too many similarities between Terry and himself and Mouse and the other members of his unit who made it home with limbs and demons attached. And he's not sure how to tell her about that, to let her know about the part of his life that he's tried to put behind him. How to explain that he was too weak to face the third tour that Terry managed, that he ended up falling down a similar hole to the one the Marine is trying to crawl out of.

But he's not that guy. Not anymore. So, instead, he reminds her that six months ago, the two of them would have been running an op to bust up the place that now employs him.

"Well, the brass says this will clear up resources. Let us go after the big fish moving the heavy stuff rather than the backyard growers or those with a couple of plants in their garage like Al," she offers with a shrug and a small smile. The smile falls, though, as she looks up at him, as she sees the way his jaw has become locked. "If you really need the money, Jay, I'm sure something could be-"

"No," he interrupts because his dad's mantra of an honest wage for an honest day's work still screams in his brain despite the years of silence between them. Because he doesn't want to work something out with Voight or the Outfit or whoever helped her cover the down payment on this place. His desire to move, to put down firmer roots in Chicago can wait until he's got the cash in the bank, and he can pick up a couple of shifts protecting weed rather than taking it off the street to make that happen.

"It's not so bad. There are some good folks there. Former military guys."

"Oh,yeah?" Erin questions as she steps out of his embrace, as she jerks her head to the side in a gesture for him to follow her the rest of the way into the apartment. "Anyone you need to buy a toothbrush for? I've got extras."

"A toothbrush?" He questions because he still has no idea what a toothbrush has to do with how they both spent their after-work hours tonight, and the befuddled look on his face was clearly what she was going for because she laughs. Promises to tell him all about it over dinner as she heads back into the apartment towards the living room and he follows to find the food assembled on the coffee table in front of the couch. The cartons of fried rice, lo mein, and kung pao chicken open and plopped next to two bottles of beer and small, empty take away container that he would be willing to bet today's paycheck used to contain egg rolls.

"You ate all the egg rolls?" Jay asks in an exasperated tone as he peels off his coat and drapes it over the side chair.

"Hey, you're the one with the extra paycheck," Erin replies with an unapologetic smirk on her face as she grabs the carton of fried rice - a pair of chopsticks already haphazardly sticking out of the carton - and falls back onto the couch. "You can spring for the extra egg rolls when you've got the munchies."

#linstead #erin lindsay #jay halstead #chicago pd #otp: that's why you have backup #cpdfic #fanfiction #mine #story: addendum

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todaywefeast · 7 years

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This Week’s Round Up

Aaaand I’m back, as if nine months haven’t passed since I’ve posted on here! Anyways, we’re just going to roll into the latest meals since I think work, school and my good camera being broken are good enough excuses for letting this little diary get neglected. But I’m back and I’m still eating so, yeah . . .

The first photo isn’t your cooked, everyday food, but it is food for my soul. I credit the high quality photo to my sweetie who sent me these virtual flowers from his farm since he can’t hand the real ones to me at the moment. I have this photo on my phone’s wallpaper and it fills me with so much delight, all warm and stupidly happy inside for a few moments. Yummy colors, yummy feelings.

Caulifried Nuggets are one of the many veggie focused foods I’ve made which have come out incredible! I credit this recipe to the amazing woman behind Sweet Potato Soul who gives me hope that maybe, maaayybe in like ten years I’ll have gone fully vegan. In the meantime, I’m just playing around with vegetables and exploring the versatility I sometimes only read about in my favorite food journals and encyclopedias. In other news, maybe I’ll do a post on the many reasons why I’m not vegan one of these days . . . onward

Vegan Dish gone wrong. So because my sister is a whiny vegan who insists every meal I make be vegan, not for the politics of veganism and disdain for the mistreatment and mass consumption of animal products, but because she wants to eat 3/4 of the meal I’m making and leave me with the crumbs. That being said I also think its nice to cook a meal we can share with each other. So out of the fourteen meals I cook in a week I try to make three of them vegan. These eggrolls were one of those meals. I thought hey, I love eggrolls, she loves eggrolls, I’ll make some super basic eggrolls and not put scrambled eggs in there. #vegan. No Maya, no. How did I forget that eggrolls have eggs in the wrappers not just the filling?? #collegehasscrambledmybraincompletely Unfortunately I only realized this after my sister took the first bite of one of the crispy rolls and we were both like, “Gosh these taste odd.” I pick up the packaging to see if they’ve expired or something . . . nope, that’s just the taste of eggs. Ughhhhh

And tonight I’m making a veggie chili with some black beans, diced and sauced tomatoes, portabello mushrooms, zucchini, and a red onion. I’m going to try out this pre-fab carne asada spice mix, even though I hate pre-fab spice mixes, this thing has been catching my eye for like 3 years so I need to establish a concrete reason to hate it, other than the fact its prefab and has “lime flavor”(soooo transparent #eyeroll), so I’m going to try it. I technically got the smoked paprika because I used all of my sister’s supply of it, but it’s also going in the pot too along with some cumin and dehydrated jalepeno flakes (which are made from dehydrated jalepenos from the farm, not in some creeptastic lab, no shade to the chemists, I just hate vague labels and terms like flavor/natural/”spices” [which effin’ spices people, if its a secret just say so, jesus!!!]).

More later, hopefully lol

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adauntlessangel · 7 years

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The Most Shocking Surprise. | Dustin

In Response To This.

It all started a few nights ago when she and Dustin were eating Chinese take-out from their favorite place. A Netflix marathon on in the background, eggrolls and sticky rice being shared all around. Halfway through Finding Dory, it was somewhere close to midnight, Zoey felt like she had an upset stomach. Cramps, nausea, she even had a headache. The blonde assumed it was just the start off to a bad period, so she suffered in silence. Not that she was embarrassed to tell Dustin about it, she just didn’t want to spoil their evening with her female problems. But before Dory could find her family, she felt like she needed to lay down. So, giving her beloved boyfriend a gentle kiss goodnight she climbed up to bed, letting Dustin finish up the film since he really wanted to see the ending. Whereas, Zoey had watched the movie a million times prior to tonight. Changing out of her sweatpants she put on a much more appealing silk pajama set -- that and she felt too warm. Almost as if she had a fever, she just didn’t feel herself. It got worse when she bent down to pick up her discarded clothes and something twisted in her gut. It felt like someone was wrenching her stomach to the point she nearly didn’t make it into her ensuite bathroom. It passed just as soon as it hit -- and she suddenly felt better. Granted her breasts were a bit sore, though given the upcoming period she didn't think too much about it. After all, she had been quite stressed lately, and that usually did little to nothing to help with cramps. Raiding her medicine cabinet she grabbed some Midol, assuming that would fix the problem. She climbed into bed that night, only waking very briefly when Dustin came to join her and she curled up beside him.

The next morning Zoey had woken up to make her and Dustin some breakfast. She figured bacon would be a nice surprise for her man, but the sizzling smell of the cooking meat made her stomach churn all over again. It was the most overpowering, disgusting smell she’d ever encountered. Covering her nose with a dishtowel she checked to see if they were out of date -- but no, they were perfectly fine. But why the hell did they smell so bad? Frowning Zoey tried to push through it but the smell literally made her gag to the point she opened up the windows to let the smell out. Which probably wasn't’ a good idea in the middle of winter, but she didn’t care. It smelled horrible. So when Dustin made a comment about her trying to freeze him to death she laughed softly, biting her lip sheepishly she shrugged. “I-I think I burnt it. It smelled horrible..” Though when Dustin checked -- he said it was perfect. So, Zoey just shrugged her shoulders, kind of glad he wasn’t looking too much into her strange behavior. Brushing it off she asked him how he slept and if he wanted her to make him a lunch or something before they headed off for work. The rest of the morning went on normal as planned, then, she went for her usual snack, some yogurt with granola and berries. One spoonful of it and she nearly flung the carton away from her desk. Grabbing her bin she spit into it and quickly rinsed her mouth with some of her water. “Becky!” She yelled as she saw her assistant come running. “Did you check the date on that yogurt? It might have been old..this tastes..” Zoey’s nose wrinkled at her favorite food. “It tastes terrible..” She wiped her mouth with her napkin, and spit into the bin once again. Though when Becky quickly came back, holding up the carton stating it was in fact well within date, Zoey couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong... “What the hell..” She mumbled. Becky informed Zoey her doctor wanted her to pick a date for her reschedule and Zoey waved the girl off. Zoey assumed it was just a routine check-up, but, what it really was, her birth control shot. She was nearly two months behind on it. She’d been so busy pulling in a whale of a new client she’d be putting it off, she had completely forgotten about it. She thought rather than every 4 months, the shot lasted every 6. When the cramping started again, worse than last night, Zoey informed her colleagues she would finish up her drafts at home. She wasn’t feeling to well, and told Becky to tell her doctor she would try and make an appointment for the following month. Licking her lips, Zoey decided to take a walk and pick up Dustin’s favorite snack, well, mostly her favorite but he seemed to enjoy them as well. Donuts from a cute little bakery down the street from her place. Usually, Zoey would just get half a dozen for the two of them. Though when she saw those pastry goodies she felt a hunger inside her that she never had before. So, she got a dozen donuts to take home. Though, she ate one on the walk back.

Walking in the front door she placed the bakery goodness on her kitchen counter and sent Dustin a cute little text. She had one of her favorite skirts on, and she bent over to pick up a book from the bottom of her bookshelf when a loud, embarrassing rip echoed through her study. Frowning she stood up and maneuvered one hand to her behind to find she felt her skin through a large rip in the material. “What...” She moved into the bathroom, looking in the mirror to find she did, in fact, rip her skirt. Granted, when she put it on this morning ti was snugger than usual and she scowled. “That god damn dry cleaner..” She frowned at the sight. Dustin had bought this for her... Groaning she wiggled out of the ruined material and she threw it into the garbage. She assumed her dry cleaner was to blame -- not the fact she had gained a little bit of weight. Her bras had been tighter, Dustin having commented on it one night in bed playfully. Zoey just assumed it was all hormonal, girls bodies changed often during this time of the month. So when she checked her calendar and saw her period was a couple days -- nearly two months -- late, she assumed it was all due to stress. She considered the few little teaspoons of blood the month prior had been her period. So, she wasn’t too worried. With the line of work she was in it wasn’t uncommon for her to be a week or two off with the stress. So, she changed into her pajamas and found herself eating another donut while she read through her drafts. She had some powdered sugar on her cheek when Dustin let himself in and she smiled brightly. “Hey babe.” She leaned up to kiss him and she giggled as he brushed the sugar away. Though when he pointed to the box she felt her jaw drop. She’d eaten half of the donuts she’d bought earlier...that was horrible. She hadn’t even realized it and she sighed as Dustin pressed his thumbs into her shoulders. He went on about how she shouldn’t be so stressed over her work, and just take a break... Though what the male was enticing had her more than eager to take a more than well deserved ‘break.’

It was a few days later and Zoey was down at the local park, brewing for inspiration as she sat on a bench. It was then as a familiar voice pulled her attention she smiled. It was her doctor. She was being scolded about not coming in to visit her more often and Zoey shrugged. “I’ve been so busy I told my assistant to schedule and appointment today..” She lied. Though when her doctor called her bluff, saying she’d be more than happy to take Zoey on her lunch hour, the blonde cringed. “G-great..” She laughed softly, gathering her things up and following her doctor back to her office. “Things have been stressful, you know.” She rolled her eyes as she sat on the little table, bed, thing and her doctor took her vitals. “You know,” Her doctor spoke. “You shouldn’t be so irresponsible missing your shots like this.” Zoey frowned, explaining they were every six months. Only to find out she was wrong -- very, very wrong. “Oh..” Zoey exhaled as she realized she missed a shot, or two... and she gave a small smile. Her doctor assured her it might have remained in her system but it would be a good idea to take a... “A pregnancy test?” Zoey laughed. “Come on, it’s birth control for a reason.” To which her doctor replied. “Of course -- when you take it on time..” With that, Zoey was handed a little cup and told to pee in it. While in the bathroom, Zoey began praying. She couldn’t be pregnant, not now. Not when her career was at a prime point, not when things with Dustin were going so well. She couldn’t be pregnant, not now. She was pleading with whatever god that this would be a negative and that she would be lucky enough to get out of this. So when she was waiting with her doctor in her office, Zoey peeked over her desk at the test in her doctor’s hands. “What does that mean? The two lines?” She sounded hopeful, though her doctor’s expression destroyed it. “It means you’re pregnant.” To which, Zoey laughed. A nervous shaky sound regardless, but she laughed. “Oh, that’s a good one. Come on though, be serious.”

“I am, Zoey. You’re pregnant. Congratulations.” Zoey’s face probably gave away that this wasn’t as...delightful news as she would think it would be. “I...no.” Zoey shook her head. “I’m not pregnant I got my period. I’m getting my period, I’m not...check it again. Those things are false all fo the time!” Zoey argued and to that, her doctor raised an eyebrow. “Well, I mean we can do an ultrasound to --.”Zoey interrupted. “Yes, Yes! Do that! You’re wrong, I’m not...I’m not.” She shook her head. “I am not pregnant. I took the shot, and I just can not be..” She laughed again as her doctor led her back to the exam room. Though she felt confused when her doctor told her to take her pants and underwear off. “It’s a transvaginal ultrasound, if you are pregnant, the baby will be too small to show up on a normal exam..” Brilliant -- Zoey couldn’t help but wonder if she could sue this woman when she was wrong. Then again, the blonde was also in shock. She couldn’t be pregnant. Her and Dustin...they weren’t prepared for a little one right now. She certainly wasn’t.. So, when she walked back in with the pink gown on and went onto the one bed all women hated, she pretended she was somewhere else. That was until her doctor told her to look at the screen. She saw a weird little blip on the black and white monitor and she frowned. “What is it? A Tumor?” She asked with a blanch at the idea of that. Though she was corrected as she was told it was her baby. That she was nearly ten weeks pregnant. That little blimp. It was...that was? “That’s a baby?” She asked softly, never having realized just how small they actually were. For some reason, Zoey started crying. “Oh.” She whispered softly and she bit into her bottom lip as her doctor promised to print out a picture for her and write out a script for prenatal vitamins. She explained to Zoey she shouldn’t drink coffee or alcohol, stay away from certain fish, etcetera. Nodding, Zoey got dressed and she smiled softly. Funny how seeing something so small was once terrifying, but seeing it on a screen...she felt different. Until she realized, she had to tell Dustin. “Oh no.” She whispered as she walked back to her office. She couldn’t see anyone right now, she needed to see Dustin. She needed to talk to him...she just hoped he wouldn’t be angry with her.

Hustling back to her house, Zoey decided to surprise Dustin with a romantic dinner. With a particular theme -- baby ever. Baby corn, baby back ribs, baby carrots, baby...everything. Candles were lit, sparkling water in their glasses, gentle, almost lullaby style music playing. Alright, perhaps she was taking this a couple steps too far, but, she knew Dustin would understand. He was...the most amazing guy in the world. Plus, she knew once he saw the little photo he wouldn’t be able to feel anything but the way she felt right now. For once, Zoey felt lucky, truly lucky to be able to have such a nice man to hold her affections. Wearing her favorite white dress, she artfully draped her curls to the side of her face. Her pink lips tainted with a lighter color, her make-up verging on the edge of natural, nude colors. She was finishing up their desert, Dustin’s favorite, she wanted to make this as easy of an adjustment for him as possible. She wasn’t asking for marriage or anything like that -- she just needed his support. She needed him because she couldn’t do this alone. Granted she could, she was more than financially stable enough for this. She just wanted him to be with her. So, when he came in she smiled, greeting him with a warm embrace, a gentle kiss. Nothing to out of character for her, but enough Dustin probably expected something. Either mind-blowing sex or some type of good news.

Half-way through their dinner, she couldn’t help but giggle. “I kind of made a theme for tonights dinner..” She pointed out with a cute little smile. Her blue eyes practically glowing. She wanted to wait to tell him after they ate, but she was literally about to burst. “Okay, well...I have something to tell you.” She whispered as she looked over her practically consumed meal. “So, like I said, what did you notice?” Dustin was used to her little, random things. It came with being in a relationship with an author. When she needed research for a particular scene, her and Dustin usually acted them out. He seemed to enjoy the last novel, it was verging on the edge of erotica, far better than 50 Shades of Grey, and almost as romantic as a Nicholas Sparks novel. Regardless, now she was literally bouncing in her seat with excitement as he went on about the food. “Little big things?” She guessed but then she laughed and shook her head no. “Try again.” She whispered softly as she bit into her bottom lip eagerly. “Is your book based on Giants or something?” Giggling she shook her head no once again, but she could see Dustin was at a loss. “Okay...well, baby carrots...baby corn..” She emphasized the word ‘baby’ and she smiled brightly. She couldn’t believe something so small terrified her, but that picture beneath her napkin wasn’t scary, it was beautiful. “What, is it a children’s novel?” Zoey felt her face drop before exhaling slowly and she shook her head no. “No, no. It has nothing to do with a book..” She frowned as she leaned back into her chair and she smiled softly. “I had a doctor’s appointment earlier today.” She whispered softly and moved to sit on Dustin’s lap. She pulled the picture over, leaving it face down before smiling at Dustin. “And I found out something...kind of amazing.” She licked her lips and brushed her fingers through his hair as she flipped over the ultrasound photo. She saw he looked confused, so she let him stir for a minute before whispering softly. “I’m pregnant..” She felt him go rigid beneath her and she placed a soft kiss against his temple. “I know it’s terrifying but...I just...” Zoey let her eyes move over the picture. “I can’t see how something so tiny is...so scary.” She was biting into her bottom lip, hoping he wouldn’t react poorly. “I love you Dustin...and I know we’re probably not ready for this but, together, I think we can do it.”

[ @karenindies ]

#karenindies #meme #wishlist answer #c. Dustin

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madeitloveitpaleo · 4 years

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I have been following a Keto lifestyle since January 2018 and over that time I have lost a total of 88 pounds and learned a lot about what types of recipes and meals help me stick with this low carb life without sacrificing my grocery budget or a ton of extra time in the kitchen.

I consider this our family’s VIP list of keto meals.

Easy to prepare….check. Not too many ingredients….check. Tastes amazing….check.

There are a ton of low carb recipes out there, but I’ve narrowed down the list to the ones we make repeatedly and remain on a regular rotation.

When you find yourself making a recipe all the time, that’s a sure sign that it not only tastes really good, but is easy to make.

Check out this post for more details about why I started a keto lifestyle and how we also save money doing it!

One of my biggest keys to maintaining a keto lifestyle is picking a handful of go-to meals that you love and are easy to make. There are so many great keto meals out there to choose from.

I recommend finding recipes that require very little shopping for additional ingredients and can be made fairly quickly.

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1. Taco Bowls

Taco Tuesday doesn’t have to end when you cut the carbs. One of my favorite things about tacos is everyone can make them exactly how they want them. It’s a perfect meal if not everyone in your family is eating keto.

I make the ground beef and season it the way we all like and then everyone makes their own tacos the way they prefer.

I love making taco bowls with seasoned ground beef, sour cream and scooping everything up with cheese chips.

Making crispy cheese chips could not be easier! Just microwave a slice of cheese for a minute and let cool. Once it’s cooled you can break it into crispy cheese chips.

Taco tip: Skip that seasoning packet, it contains a ton of carbs! We season ours ourselves and eyeball the amounts. We typically use salt, pepper, oregano, chili powder, chipotle powder, garlic powder, onion powder and paprika.

2. Bunless Burgers

It would be pretty hard to find an easier meal than a bunless burger. In the summer, we love to grill them and in the cooler months, we use the air fryer.

You can be as simple or as creative as you want with your bunless burger.

Most of the time, I enjoy my burger with a slice of Muenster cheese, yellow mustard and a sprinkle of Everything but the Bagel seasoning.

The options are endless to get more creative. Use different cheeses, try it with pickles or top yours with avocado slices.

Don’t forget about bunless hot dogs!

3. Chicken Thighs

I have never been a fan of chicken breast. I can never seem to cook it well without drying it out. That is never the case with chicken thighs. They are basically foolproof and always juicy.

Did I mention that chicken thighs are way cheaper than breasts? We pick up a family pack of chicken thighs when we go shopping and when we get home we separate them into dinner size portions.

If you’re a Costco shopper, definitely check out the organic packs of chicken thighs that are a steal and you can easily make 3-4 family dinners out of them.

Here are our favorite chicken thigh recipes that we use again and again:

Cracklin Chicken from Nom Nom Paleo

Chicken Thighs with Creamy Basil Bacon Mushroom Thyme Sauce from Julia’s Album

No Mess Crispy Chicken Thighs from Jennifer Banz

Asian Chicken Thighs from Nom Nom Paleo

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I'll be posting a recipe roundup #ontheblog tomorrow of my favorite #paleo recipes with 5 ingredients or less. We had one of these quick, simple dinners tonight, Cracklin Chicken from @nomnompaleo. This recipe is crazy good and all you need is chicken thighs (skin on, bone out), ghee and some salt and pepper (or magic mushroom powder 😍) and you're good to go. Check out the full post tomorrow! #michelletamismymarthastewart #chicken #nomnompaleo #5ingredientsorless #organic #eatclean #foodstagram #recipe #paleorecipes #paleolifestyle #whole30 #whole30alumni #whole30recipes #whole30homies #protein #simple #love #magicmushroompowder

A post shared by Dawn @ MadeItLoveitPaleo (@madeitloveitpaleo) on Jul 21, 2015 at 5:38pm PDT

4. Sausage, Carrot & Zucchini Casserole from MadeItLoveItPaleo

I’m all about a great casserole and this one is my favorite.

Everything goes into a casserole dish and gets sliced into individual servings for the week. This casserole is full of veggies and is so satisfying.

→ Recipe: Sausage, Carrot & Zucchini Casserole

If you want to try another variation of a yummy casserole, check out this version using peppers and chorizo!

5. Chicken Wings

We love chicken wings at our house! They are affordable and so easy to make. We usually get the wing sections and we don’t even bother to separate them. No need to take the extra step unless you are really particular about eating them as flats and drums.

Here is a roundup of all of our favorite Keto Chicken Wing recipes that we make again and again.

→Keto Chicken Wing Recipe Roundup

6. Crispy Fried Eggs over Greens

I could eat crispy fried eggs over greens every day and never get tired of it. If you’re into creamy, dreamy yolk, then you know what I’m talking about.

I heat butter in a pan over medium-high heat and once it’s nice and hot, I add my eggs. I let them cook until the edges are nice and crispy and the white on top is cooked.

→ No recipe needed!

7. Leafy Greens with leftover meat, grass-fed hot dogs or chicken sausage

This is just an extra way of saying “salad”. Yep, salads are a clutch move when eating low carb.

Greens + Meat + Dressing and you have one easy meal on your hands.

→ No recipe needed!

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8. Broccoli & Cheese Soup from Wholesome Yum

I eat this soup all the time and literally never get tired of it. This soup is crazy easy and only requires a few ingredients to make.

I make it even easier by using a big bag of frozen broccoli. I only change up one thing in this recipe and that is to add 1/2 cup finely chopped onion, because I think it makes the flavor even better. I also love to add a little crispy bacon on top!

This recipe makes enough for almost two weeks worth of lunch. I freeze it in individual servings using silicone muffin tins.

→ Recipe: Broccoli Cheese Soup from Wholesome Yum

9. Kale & Salmon Cakes from MadeItLoveItPaleo

When we’re cleaning out the pantry, I always make these simple cakes using cans of boneless, wild-caught salmon that I like to keep on hand from Trader Joe’s.

They reheat really well and I love having them for lunch.

→ Recipe: Kale & Salmon Cakes

10. Kalua Pig from Nom Nom Paleo

If you haven’t made Kalua Pig from Nom Nom Paleo yet, you are missing out on one of the best recipes ever – low carb or not. This pulled pork is juicy, tender and you can use the leftovers in so many ways.

I regularly add this to soup and salads, but my favorite way to use it is to add it to a hot pan, get it nice and crispy and serve it with fried eggs and greens.

→ Recipe: Kalua Pig from Nom Nom Paleo

11. Chaffles

I finally jumped on the chaffle train a few months ago and it’s opened up a whole wide world of meal possibilities. If you haven’t already heard of chaffles, it’s a waffle made from cheese and egg.

No recipe required here kids – 1/2 cup of whatever shredded cheese you want to use mixed with one egg will make two mini chaffles.

Mini waffle makers are everywhere these days, but this is ours and it works like a champ. You can get it at Target and Amazon.

Here is what I like to do with my chaffles:

Taco Chaffles: Ground beef, a dollop of sour cream and cilantro

Barbecue Chaffles: Brisket + sugar-free barbecue sauce (check out this brand, their sauces are amazing!!!)

Open-Face Egg Chaffles: Fried Eggs + a sausage patty

Chaffle Toast: Smear your chaffle with cream cheese and maybe even a sprinkle of Everything but the Bagel seasoning

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12. Breakfast for Dinner

Breakfast foods are my favorite. Eggs and bacon specifically are my jam, so I looooove having breakfast for dinner.

Scrambled eggs, fried eggs or an omelette paired with bacon or sausage is a yummy way to change up your regular dinner routine.

I also love to take leftovers and use them to make an omelette. In the picture below, I added my leftovers from a local Mexican restaurant – carnitas, cheese and cilantro – and it made for an AMAZING dinner!

→ No recipe needed!

13. Egg Roll in a Bowl

The concept is simple, it’s the insides of an eggroll (with a few tweaks), minus the crunchy wrapper, enjoyed in a bowl.

This recipe is completely and ridiculously easy and it’s now on the menu weekly. It’s delicious, filling and reheats beautifully for leftovers.

Did I mention this is a one-pot meal? That’s right, one pot = one dish to clean. That’s what I’m talking about!

→ Recipe: Egg Roll in a Bowl from MadeItLoveItPaleo

14. Pork Chops

Pork chops are not only delicious, but also really budget friendly. Our favorites are thick, bone-in pork chops. They give the most flavor and are pretty much foolproof when it comes to cooking.

Similar to dark meat chicken – thicker, bone-in pork chops are harder to overcook and are juicier than the thinner, boneless version.

→ Recipe: Oven Baked Pork Chops from Cooking LSL

15. Snacky Meal

I love a quick and easy “snacky meal”. Whenever I’m short on time or low on options, I put together a quick meal of low carb goodies. Almonds, cheese, lunch meat and pickles are my favorites that I almost always have on hand.

Just grab a serving of a few of your favorite low carb foods and make a snack plate. It really doesn’t get much easier than that!

I hope you found this list of my go-to keto meals helpful!

When you have several go-to meals that you enjoy time and time again it makes following this low carb lifestyle so much easier.

We save so much time meal planning and grocery shopping, because we rotate some variation of these meals over and over.

If you’re wondering what we eat on the side, it’s always one of two things: Roasted vegetables or leafy greens (spinach or spring mix), sometimes both.

We love serving meals over a bed of greens to make sure we’re getting plenty of veggies. Just grab a handful of greens, throw them on a plate and serve your food on top.

Roasted vegetables are almost as easy. If your favorite veggies take longer to prep, try prepping them over the weekend and cutting them up into bite sized, ready to roast pieces.

We usually go for zucchini, mushrooms, kale chips, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower and radishes.

Roasting is a time saver, because all you need to do is throw your cut up vegetables on a large baking sheet, toss with some oil, salt & pepper and into the oven they go. They are cooking themselves while you prep the rest of your meal.

We usually roast everything at 375 for 20-30 minutes (except kale chips which take a fraction of that time). I wait until everything is deeply browned before I take it out.

Check out these recipes for some simple and easy roasted veggie side dishes:

Foolproof Kale Chips

Easy Roasted Brussels Sprouts

Smoky Roasted Mushrooms

The 15 Go-To Keto Meals that helped me lose 85 pounds! - I consider this our family's VIP list of keto meals. Easy to prepare....check. Not too many ingredients....check. Tastes amazing....check. #keto #ketoaf #ketorecipes I have been following a Keto lifestyle since January 2018 and over that time I have lost a total of 88 pounds and learned a lot about what types of recipes and meals help me stick with this low carb life without sacrificing my grocery budget or a ton of extra time in the kitchen.

#Keto #Made It & Loved It #real food

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hotfitnesstopics · 6 years

Quote

Hi all! How was your weekend? We had such a fun weekend even though we were constantly on the go. I took a big step in “taste” this weekend. We had dinner with my boss and coworker on Friday night at Buckhorn Steakhouse. I actually braved trying the Honey Ginger Salmon and you know what??? I actually liked it. To date, I’ve only liked salmon raw, in sushi because cooked is too strong for me. Perhaps I am turning a corner and I can start ordering all those low point salmon dishes I see! Hopefully it wasn’t the wine or the great time we had that made it such a delicious meal.We spent a good part of the weekend running errands and doing a bit of shopping for birthdays, a work going away and for The Husband. My favorite thing I picked up is this cute wine bag and Bruce – he goes in your wine to cork it.I did a little work this morning before whipping up a quick breakfast to power up for our day. A healthy eggroll (3 sp) plus 1/2 a mango.I also picked up a grande iced nonfat 1/2 caffeine latte with a banana for snack (3 sp). We stopped for lunch at Vasquez Deli. I feel really proud that I got the chicken taco salad, took out 9 chips for scooping and crunch and gave the rest away. (10 sp)Before prepping for the week, I read a magazine and shared my snack with The Husband (he almost always eats or steals half my snacks so I double up lol). Nectarine, Pluot and a perfectly hard boiled egg – all zero points!For the week, I cut up a watermelon and made this Chile Relleno Egg Casserole for breakfasts.I also got the night off from cooking as I made this Tortellini Pizza Casserole for dinner last night.Just so we could have leftovers tonight. I square is 8 Smartpoints. It’s so easy, versatile – mix & match your toppings and delicious.HERE IS WHAT IS ON THE MENU THIS WEEK: Lazy Chicken Enchilada Casserole, Southwestern Salad Lemony Chicken Bacon Pasta Summer Cobb Salad Taco Salad or Healthy Nachos What is on your menu this week? I am so excited that Shark Week begins tonight!! Night all! from Danica's Daily https://ift.tt/2NC3OEV via IFTTT

http://www.fitnessclub.cf/2018/07/meet-bruce-this-weeks-menu.html

#IFTTT #Blogger

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