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#i have made a Real post
birdo-is-here · 8 months
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getting a post liked by user Ongawdclub the most gratifying experience ever
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andthebeanstalk · 11 months
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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its-tea-time-darling · 8 months
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im sorry, we turned your boyfriend into a mole. yeah and all of tumblr‘s interested in him now. sorry
edit 9/12/23 11.22 CET
and so it begins…
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fic1, fic2 @pathsofoak ao3 tag. Mole Poem @thaliaisalesbian . fic by @tourmelion .
update:
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ao3 link. please vote for mole scene in most underrated goncharov scene poll
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slutdge · 2 years
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day one of trying not to think about fucking that old man
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rooolt · 5 months
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fantasy high junior year finale in which no matter what’s going on they must stop everything to sit and take an SAT for three hours
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aregebidan · 1 year
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i love you goncharov mythos, i love you innate human urge to make things up, i love you tumblr blorbos created By tumblr, i love you meta insight into current internet attitudes toward character archetypes that's inherent to this process of creation, i love you opportunity of witnessing yet another major event for very online people, and most of all i love you katya
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fraudefiscal · 6 months
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manfailure enters to his "head over heels arc" and acts totally pathetic about it
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 months
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There's nothing he can't do. Yet.
(Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll!)
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chaosgenasi · 1 year
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We came to a young world. We came to a world of raw, elemental wonder. Of chaos and exultant passion. Of energy vaster, and more potent than anything we beheld in the cosmos... It doesn’t seem like it’s random or chaos. It just seemed like potential.
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missingmelody · 3 months
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They HATE each other!!!!
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inkskinned · 1 year
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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
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ningadudexx · 5 months
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youtube
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youre either the best in the world or your nothing at all
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egophiliac · 11 months
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a bunch of assorted episode 7 stuff from the last couple of days! because they're still taking over my entire brain! (I keep forgetting that the diasomnia uniform has that weird spike...chain...thing on the back. do you think when they get bored they, like, throw balloons at each other and whoever pops one first wins? is this what the dialounge is like in the off-hours?)
hey when do we get to see maskless red Lilia. please Twst I'm dying over here
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How does your Wheeljack feel about King-Kong?
I G1 one enjoyer I see, I get the references ;)
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Ok, but to answer the question, yes, he does in fact like King Kong, along with many other pieces of human cinema, especially the ones with giant monsters or dinosaurs. wheeljack is always looking for inspiration for new projects/inventions, and being on Earth has provided him with tons of new inspiration.
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taeyungie · 8 months
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Compilation of Jungkookie hugging his soulmates ♡
⤷ because that's something I wish the most to happen for me and you, Sky. My wish for you this year is that our friendship lasts a lifetime, that we will never run out of reasons to hug and cherish each other, because without you my universe is not complete. 🥺 I truly believe that our friendship was meant to be, that if soulmates exist - what we feel for each other must be exactly the definition of it. I can't wait to finally meet you one day so we can properly make up for all the hugs we needed to happen.
Happy birthday to the love of my life – Sky, aka @jung-koook. I love you the most. 🌻
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mfshipbracket · 1 year
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welcome to ghost mod's thought experiment, the m/f ship bracket bonus round where every single m/f ship from the original round is pit against reylo of the 97/3 #shreksweep infamy.
why, you ask? mostly cuz of this.
they're going from lowest to highest per the original rankings, starting off with our newcomers adam/eve. 9 polls per day will roll out on queue throughout the est evening from may 12th-18th! after polls are closed one week later, i will post the final rankings of who swept the hardest (or failed to sweep...)
all polls can be found under the #bonus round tag, and this masterpost also contains links to each specific poll. there is also a spreadsheet with current bonus round standings and stats from the original bracket if you like numbers. :)
disclaimer: not a reylo hater. i'm just ardently devoted to the bit
DAY ONE
1. Adam/Eve (The Bible) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 2. Barbie/Ken (Barbie) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 3. Branch/Poppy (TROLLS) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 4. Hori/Kashima (Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 5. Naegi/Kirigiri (Dangan Ronpa) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 6. Fakir/Ahiru (Princess Tutu) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 7. Jake/Amy (Brooklyn 99) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 8. Sonic/Amy (Sonic the Hedgehog) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 9. Vax'ildan/Keyleth (Critical Role/TLOVM) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)
DAY TWO
10. Barry Bluejeans/Lup (The Adventure Zone: Balance) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 11. Westley/Buttercup (The Princess Bride) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 12. Lucas/Max (Stranger Things) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 13. Bella Swan/Edward Cullen (Twilight) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 14. Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa (Six of Crows) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 15. Zagreus/Megaera (Hades) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 16. Greg/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 17. Orpheus/Eurydice (Hadestown) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 18. Sans/Toriel (Undertale) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)
DAY THREE
19. Megamind/Roxanne (Megamind) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 20. Inuyasha/Kagome (Inuyasha) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 21. Mamoru/Usagi (Sailor Moon) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 22. Anne/Gilbert (Anne with an E) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 23. Mako/Raleigh (Pacific Rim) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 24. Nancy/Jonathan (Stranger Things) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 25. Wanda/Vision (Marvel/MCU) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 26. Aragorn/Arwen (Lord of the Rings) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 27. Rayla/Callum (The Dragon Prince) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)
DAY FOUR
X. Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars VS King Charles/Camilla (United Kingdom) 28. Anakin/Padme (Star Wars) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 29. Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sharma (Bridgerton) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 30. Percy/Vex'ahlia (Critical Role/TLOVM) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 31. Kyo/Tohru (Fruits Basket) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 32. Batman/Catwoman (DC) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 33. Tenth Doctor/Rose (Doctor Who) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 34. Cassian/Jyn (Star Wars) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 35. Joyce/Hopper (Stranger Things) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 36. Aang/Katara (ATLA) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)
DAY FIVE
37. Mermista/Seahawk (She-ra and the Princesses of Power) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 38. Robin/Starfire (DC/Teen Titans) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 39. Tamaki/Haruhi (Ouran High School Host Club) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 40. Mulder/Scully (The X-Files) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 41. Glimmer/Bow (She-ra and the Princesses of Power) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 42. Zuko/Katara (ATLA) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 43. Steven/Connie (Steven Universe) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 44. Han/Leia (Star Wars) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 45. Beast Boy/Raven (DC/Teen Titans) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)
DAY SIX
46. Edward/Winry (Fullmetal Alchemist) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 47. Peter/MJ (Marvel/MCU) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 48. Katniss/Peeta (The Hunger Games) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 49. Marinette/Adrien (Miraculous Ladybug) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 50. Kim Possible/Ron Stoppable (Kim Possible) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 51. Darcy/Elizabeth (Pride and Prejudice) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 52. Roy/Riza (Fullmetal Alchemist) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 53. Miles Morales/Gwen Stacy (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 54. Zelda/Link (Zelda Series) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)
DAY SEVEN
55. Twilight/Yor (Spy X Family) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 56. Sokka/Suki (ATLA) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 57. Hunter/Willow (The Owl House) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 58. Chidi/Eleanor (The Good Place) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 59. Ms. Piggy/Kermit (The Muppets) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 60. Rapunzel/Eugene (Tangled) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 61. Howl/Sophie (Howl’s Moving Castle) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 62. Percy/Annabeth (Percy Jackson Series) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars) 63. Morticia/Gomez (The Addams Family) VS Kylo Ren/Rey (Star Wars)
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