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solarwonux · 3 years

Text

89. “Just let me finish this level and I swear I’ll go down on you all night.”

93. “Fuck…did we use protection?”

twitch streamer!wonwoo x f!reader

w.c: 3.9k (honestly I think I forgot what drabbles were clearly lol)

warnings: some angst, smut, mutual masturbation, some slight panty stuffing, oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex, pregnancy scare, talks about plan b

note: excuse me everyone I literally love gamer and twitch streamer Wonwoo, but not everyone does. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one if you want more twitch!streamer wonwoo let me I will be happy to oblige, I have MANY ideas. Enjoy and please let me know your thoughts.

p.s send me a prompt for either svt or bts or both. I will also happily oblige to that lol

Masterlist || Drabble game

Watching Wonwoo play Zelda was not what you had expected when he had texted earlier asking you to come over. “Just let me finish this level and I swear I’ll go down on you all night.” He whispered against your lips in a half kiss when you walked in through his front door.

That had been over an hour and three completed levels ago. It was an empty promise long forgotten as he kept himself immersed in the game, talking enthusiastically about his day and random things his brain would conjure up on the spot. It was like you didn’t exist, and for the most part to his viewers, you didn’t. It wasn’t like you were his girlfriend or anything. Even if you were, you valued your privacy more than anything in the world. You preferred to work on your own things in the background away from his camera whenever you were over. This was something the two of you had mutually agreed to.

Casual hangs and casual sex.

Lately, your relationship had become the product of most of your stress. You never knew where you stood with Wonwoo. Sometimes he would literally invite you over to keep him company while he streamed only to kick you out the second he finished. “I’m too tired, you should go.” He would say pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “I’ll see you later.”

Of course, those moments were overshadowed by the soft touches he left imprinted on your skin. By the sweetness of the words he shared with you and only you whenever he wasn’t working. It made you want more. More of him, more of his attention, and more of whatever was going on between the two of you. But that was something you refused to bring up afraid that the only one harboring feelings for the other was you.

Heartbreak was not in your plans for life, at least not for a while.

You sighed, throwing your phone down onto the couch. Your patience was wearing thin. Maybe it had to do with the fact you were already having a bad day, and Wonwoo’s indifference towards you wasn’t helping. When you had gotten his text earlier, you couldn’t help but feel all giddy inside. The two of you hadn’t seen each other in a few days with work schedules being all over the place and not aligning. It was something to look forward to, not necessarily because of the sex--which was always amazing. But you really just wanted to talk to him. Lay down with his arms wrapped around you while you complained about work and how frustrating your coworkers were being.

By the looks of it, you weren’t going to get any of that, not even what he had promised when you had first walked in. You were tired, your clothes were starting to annoy and you wanted to cry. If it wasn’t for the fact that his front door was in line with his camera, you would’ve left already.

Wonwoo could sense something was wrong with you. Every time you sighed it felt like you were punching him in the gut. He really meant what he had said when you walked in earlier. He also meant the quiet I love you he mumbled underneath his breath when you walked past him and into the living room. He wasn’t sure when he had fallen in love with you, just that months ago he had woken up and you were the only thing he could think of. Every time he held you in his arms the three little words bubbled up in the back of his throat, wishing he could bring himself to finally say it, but his fear held him back. Afraid that you didn’t feel the same way.

“Alright, you know what I think that’s enough for tonight.” Wonwoo smiled into the camera, trying to keep up with the chat as they begged him not to go yet. “I have to go, my girlfriend is over and I want to spend time with her. Anyway, same time next week Monday guys.” Wonwoo nodded, stopping the stream. Once he was positive that he had turned everything off he felt his shoulders relax and leaned back in his chair. He closed his eyes for a second before opening them again, the panic surging through his veins was unbearable. He turned around in his chair meeting your equally shocked face.

He royally fucked up. He just confessed to his audience without meaning to confess. He had told his audience that you were his girlfriend and he hadn’t even asked you yet. The surprise and speech he had worked on all week, the reason he took a break from streaming until tonight, was for nothing. He had gotten ahead of himself and he didn’t know what to do now. Or how to fix it.

“G-Girlfriend? Wait you have a fucking girlfriend?” You stood up from his couch, blinded by anger. “What the fuck Wonwoo, when were you going to tell me? Before or after you fucked me?” You shouted, your heart was beating fast as you turned around to gather up your stuff.

Unbelievable. Here you were distracted, thinking about how cute he looked while he blamed his failure on his character. The pout that had formed on his lips as he pushed his glasses up his nose and blew out a raspberry, moving aside the strands of his newly dyed blonde hair. The frustration you had felt earlier, forgotten, replaced with admiration. Only for it to come back after what he had said, this time fiery red and ready to burn everything it touched.

“Stop, no wait, I don’t have a girlfriend. At least not yet.” He spoke fast, his words blending with one another as he quickly made his way to you. He grabbed hold of your laptop and held it against his chest.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better, did you just call me down to ignore me and then fuck me one last time before you called it quits!” You said in disbelief reaching over for your laptop.

Wonwoo turned around facing away from you. “No that’s not...that’s not what...fuck, calm down please and just let me talk.” He pleaded as he sat down on his couch, your laptop still clutched tightly in his arms. It was your prized possession, it held the first three drafts of the novel you were working on. He knew you well enough to know that you hadn’t backed anything up no matter how many times he told you to do so. So, he was positive that as long as he held onto it like his life depended on it (because it did) you wouldn’t leave without it.

You crossed your arms in front of you ”I am calm, but I don’t know if I want to listen to what you have to say.”

Wonwoo cringed, he was more nervous than what he had intended to be. He had an entire speech planned. Wrote it down, even got Jihoon to proofread it. He had performed it in front of his bathroom mirror every morning and night. He thought he had it in the bag, pumped up his chest a few times before opening his front door to you earlier. Yet, the second he saw you, he forgot everything he had planned to say. This is mainly why he had spent such a long time streaming. Hoping that the distraction would somehow help him remember.

It didn’t.

“Wonwoo, I swear if you don’t start talking in the next five seconds I’m leaving and suing you for holding my laptop hostage.”

Wonwoo sighed and slapped his forehead lightly before turning to look at you, “okay, I don’t think that’s allowed bu-”

“It is if I say that you stole it trying to steal my work, I don’t know I’ll find a way.” You shrugged, earning a glare from Wonwoo. You knew he hated whenever someone interrupted him while he was in the middle of saying something. It was something you would do to him out of spite, but in your humble opinion this time he really did deserve it. Though, it didn’t make you feel as good as you had hoped, “fine sorry, you can continue.” You sighed and sat down on his coffee table.

Wonwoo put your laptop down and leaned over his elbows taking your hands in his. “I love you and I want you to be my girlfriend. I know we agreed to just keep this casual but I can’t help the way my heart literally feels like it’s going to fall out of my ass whenever I’m with you. So yeah, I don’t have a girlfriend yet, because I haven’t asked you to be my girlfriend yet. But there’s no one else, only you, and I’m so-”

Wonwoo was cut off when he felt your body land on his, knocking the air out of his lungs. You hugged him, straddling his hips and burying your face into his chest, giggling. It felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders and you felt awful for assuming the worst and jumping to conclusions.

“Ask me ask me ask me ask me.” You bounced on his lap like a child. He groaned doubling over in pain.

He placed his hands on your hips to keep you from moving, “No now I know you’re actually trying to kill me.” He smirked and left a sweet kiss against your lips. A low chuckle running past his lips as he took in your pouting face, “fine, my love, my baby will you please be my girlfriend?” He cocked his head, his hands playing with the hem of your t-shirt.

“Yes, but only if you give me my laptop back and keep the promise you made me earlier.” You smiled innocently, playing with the hair on the back of his neck.

Wonwoo smirked, his hands made their way underneath your shirt. “No to the laptop, you work too much and I’m determined to back up everything on a hard drive later.” He rubbed his thumbs over the skin of your hips, slowly inching closer to the button of your jeans, “not sure I remember the promise I made earlier though, can you remind me?”

You kissed him slowly, tugging on his shirt, “you said you would finish a level before going down on me all night, and it’s four and a half levels later and I’m still waiting.” You whispered against his lips, before pulling away and bringing his shirt over his head, taking it off, throwing it behind him, aiming for the laundry basket, missing it completely, making you sigh.

“Well you didn’t give me enough time to answer, but that can be arranged.” He pecked your lips, pushing your shirt up and over your head, throwing it behind him. “You’d have to step into my office though.”

“Wonwoo, baby, don’t ever call your room your office.” You rolled your eyes and got up from his lap.

He chuckled, shaking his head and stood up, “oh no that’s not what I meant, room comes later. Tonight we start in my office.” He says cheekily, pointing his thumb towards his gaming setup. Your eyes grew wide as saucers, only making him laugh harder while he pushed you towards his gaming chair.

“Wait, you’re like not going to turn the camera on are you?” You said as he pushed you down to sit in which you obeyed. The colorful lights from his gaming setup kept you distracted as Wonwoo got down on his knees in front of you.

“Nope, I’ve just always wanted to eat you out while you sat on my gaming chair. But maybe one day in the future if you want. You can take over my stream and play animal crossing while I secretly eat you out on camera.” He smirked, the evil glint behind his soft eyes sent shivers down your spine. The little exibitionist in him coming out. You’d be lying if you didn’t find the thought of it exciting.

“One day.” You breathed, lifting your hips, helping him as he pulled down your pants.

Wonwoo sent you a wink pushing your thighs apart with his hands, “We can also play overwatch together. That cute little vibrator you keep hidden in your bedside drawer, stuffed inside your pussy.” He placed his index finger over the wet patch that had formed over your panties, pushing in slightly. “And everytime you die I up the speed, see how long you can last before you have me begging to turn off the stream so you can cum.” Wonwoo kept pushing his finger in you, your panties sticking onto you like second skin.

You threw your head back, digging your nails into the arms of his leather chair. “F-Fuck how long h-have you thought about this?” You lifted your hips as he added another finger.

“Right now, or maybe a few times when you’re not around.” He leaned down kissing your mound lightly, “but seeing you like this, sprawled out, wet and waiting for my mouth is reinforcing those fantasies.” He worked his fingers diligently, pushing the thin material of your panties inside of you. He couldn’t wait to stuff you full with his cock later.

You let out a whimper as his mouth traveled down to your clothed entrance. He removed his fingers licking up a stride, before taking one of your lips into his mouth and biting down on it gently. “W-Wonwoo please I want to feel your mouth.”

“You are, aren’t you?.” He looked, staring at you through the rim of his round glasses before repeating his actions again making you whimper. “Take your bra off, play with yourself for me.” He left a chaste kiss in your inner thigh and sat back on his heels. He palmed himself over his black tracksuit pants as he watched you slowly unclasp your bra, letting the straps slide down your arms. You were teasing him, he knew this but he didn’t care. Seeing you get undressed for him was one of his favorite past times, especially because you always went extra slow for him.

You threw your bra, not caring where it landed. You rolled your palms over your nipples, soft sighs running past your lips as you kept your eyes trained on Wonwoo. “Want to feel your hot tongue fucking me Woo.” You spread your legs even further pinching your nipples. You moved your hand down your body, your index finger playing with the seam of your panties. “Is this one of your fantasies? Me touching myself, sitting here?” You said, tilting your head to the side, moving your hand into your panties and running your index and middle fingers over your clit slowly.

“Yes.” He hissed, pushing his hand into his boxers grabbing onto his cock. “God, you make me so hard.”

“Let me see please.” You arched your back, your fingers getting faster. Wonwoo nodded, wasting no time to free himself, his hand wrapped tightly around his length. His index finger connects with the small bead of precum that had formed, showing you how sticky and ready he was for you.

“Want to taste?” You nodded letting out soft moans as you lifted your hips, into the palm of your hand, sticking your tongue out for him. “Fuck.” He cursed getting up on his knees, bringing his index finger up to your mouth. You closed your lips around it, swirling your tongue over the tip, savoring the salty substance.

You pulled away with a pop, taking your fingers out of your panties and bringing them up to his lips. He took them in, moaning around them. “Do I taste good?” You said taking out your fingers from his mouth, moving them over his lips, wetting them further.

“I’m going to have to take a closer look.” He said lowly, pushing your panties down in a haste. He spread your legs, licking up your slit, teasing your hole with his tongue. Being in between your legs was his second most favorite pastime. He savored every moment of it. Sometimes he would prolong your orgasm, keeping you on edge, so that when you came, your sweet substance would coat his lips, spilling down his chin and neck. It was the most beautiful site, one that only he had the privilege in witnessing.

“Mmm, your tongue feels so good Wonwoo.” You pinched your nipple while tugging on the roots of his blonde hair, pushing his mouth closer.

He moaned, slurping up your juices like you were his last meal. He wrapped his mouth around your clit, pulling it between his teeth before letting it go. “I want to be here forever but I don’t think I can last any longer without being inside of you.” He pushed two of his fingers inside of you. The feeling of your wet walls wrapped around his thick calloused fingers made his cock twitch.

“B-But I-I want to cum.” You pouted, arching your back away from his chair, pushing your hips further into his hand. “Please, I’m so close already.” You pant, the knot in the pit of your stomach threatening to break.

“Oh honey, you will. I’ll have you coming undone more than three times tonight.” He stated with determination and brought his mouth down again, closing his lips around your clit. He sucked harshly moaning sinfully. He fucked you faster with his fingers curling them upwards, reaching the soft mushy skin inside of you.

“W-Wonwoo f-fuck don’t stop I-I’m so close.”

Wonwoo let go of your swollen bud, slowing down his fingers as you clenched around them. “Look at me, I want to watch me while you cum.” You agreed with a pleasure filled sigh, watching as he pushed back his glasses. The sight almost had you coming undone.

He put his mouth on you again, increasing the pace of his fingers. Babbles coming out of your mouth as you pulled on his hair, motivating him to go faster. The squelching sounds coming from your wet, hot pussy sounded like music to his ears. He bit down on your clit lightly, sending you over the edge, your cum coating his fingers, while you moaned his name in a sweet sinful prayer. His eyes burning holes into yours, the sight was award winning, his cock begging to be milked out.

Wonwoo continued, riding out your orgasm. Until you felt the oversensitivity overcome your body “W-Woo, s-stop please.” You pushed his head carefully with the palm of your hand.

He kissed the inside of both of your thighs before sitting up on his knees, taking your face into his hands. “You always look so pretty when you cum.” He pecked your lips repeatedly, before wrapping your arms around you hugging you tightly. “I love you so much.” He kissed your temple.

“Why do you always get so mushy every time you make me cum?” You laughed gently, running your fingers down his back, making him shiver.

“You bring out in me, I can’t help it, stop complaining. I’m giving you time to recover before I bend you over my desk.”

“Not complaining. I love it.” You kissed his cheek. “And I love you.” You whispered in his ear, taking his earlobe, pulling it between your teeth.. He groaned, swallowing hard, his getting tighter around you.

“My desk, then my couch, then my bed, then the shower, and then my bed again.”

The sun had started to rise. It was five in the morning and your body was suddenly overcome with sleep, when Wonwoo pulled out of you one last time. He had kept true to his promise, literally fucked you the entire night, christening his apartment, except his kitchen. “If we have sex in the kitchen, the only thing I’ll be thinking about while I’m cooking is your mouth around my dick.” He said as he pushed you into the wide window of his living room, making you laugh.

“Do you have to work today?” He placed a delicate kiss against your collar bone, laying his head on top of your chest.

“It’s Saturday, why would I have work on Saturday?” You smiled sleepily, running your fingers through his hair. He sighed happily, pulling his sheets over the two of you and cuddling into you further.

“You’re always working, I just wanted to ask.” He shrugged, raising his body enough to leave a chaste kiss against your lips. “Take a break today and I promise that by the time you wake up again I’ll have all of your files backed up into the harddrive I bought you.”

You shook your head, placing both of your palms against his cheeks, squishing them. “Do you know how sexy you sound when you talk about computers.”

“Nope, but you once told me to divide you in half when I was explaining finances to you. Now that I think about it, that statement can go both ways.” He smiled laying down on his back, bringing you along with him. Your eyes growing wide when you felt it running down your thighs. You sat up in panic, removing the sheets of your body to see if your silent hypothesis was correct.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, confused.

“Wonwoo, fuck...did we use protection?”

Wonwoo pushed the covers away with his feet, sitting up quickly. He looked between your legs, his eyebrows furrowing in concern, “You’re on the pill still right?”

“We changed my formula, I had to stop taking it for a few days.” You threw yourself down on his bed covering your eyes with your hands. The tears pooling against your eyes. You felt the bed dip next to you. Wonwoo took your hands in his, revealing your tearful eyes to him making him sigh.

“Baby, don’t worry.” He kissed your cheeks repeatedly before sitting up again, “I’ll run down to the convenience store, get a plan b while you go take a bath. I’ll join you when I get back.”

“W-What’s happens if I take the plan b and still miraculously end up pregnant, it’s only ninety five percent effective.”

“Then I’ll be with you every step of the way. I meant what I said earlier, I love you so much and I plan to marry you and have kids with you one day. Don’t worry.”

Your heart felt full. The butterflies erupting in the pit of your stomach. Wonwoo and you had shared many intimate dreams and desires before, but this one felt different. This was a dream the two of you shared and it made you feel at ease. “Okay, okay I will, just hurry up please.”

Wonwoo scoffed, getting up from his bed, slipping on his sweatpants and sweatshirt. “Baby please don’t underestimate me. I’ll be back before you know it.” He leaned down giving you one last kiss before jogging over to his front door. “I love you.” He shouted, opening the door.

You laughed sitting up on your elbows shaking your head, “I love you, now hurry I can feel your child cooking in me.”

“Impossible, it takes roughly twenty four hours for my sperm to fertilize one of your eggs, and it’s literally been thirty minutes. Therefore you wou--”

“Wonwoo shut up just hurry.”

“Okay I love you.” He said while closing his front door. You laughed shaking your head falling back on his bed. Your entire body was aching and though you were a little scared, given obvious circumstances. You had never felt so much warmth and happiness in your life.

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opluffys · 3 years

Text

Problematic- Killer x Reader

very long. posted this on my archive, luffys. i can’t stop writing for him lol. also, thank you all for 100 followers!! i was shocked to see such a thing. i had to make the spacing ugly cuz tumblrs stupid limit. also, let me know if it copies weird. thank you again, and please enjoy!

-smut/nsfw-

You smoothed over the navy blue tie that nestled between random wrinkles of your shining white dress-shirt. Words couldn't describe how much you despise your office's dress code, but the pay was decent and they had free food, who were you to complain?

You, and other women who were stuck in their cubicles, grumbled at wearing these damned miniskirts. They practically showed off your ass, which you hated. You would try to wear leggings instead of just ridiculously long stockings, but that would get you in trouble. Pervs.

"(First Name), hon?" You heard one of your coworkers chime, holding a delicious looking apple fritter. You fought the urge to snatch it from her and scarf it down. You hummed in question, typing almost mindlessly on the desktop in front of you.

"I heard today is that big business meeting. Ya know, something us girls aren't allowed to know about." She rolled her eyes, getting a small giggle out of you. Of course she had a right to get angry, this place obviously favoured men over women. You remembered how a young man who recently joined took over your colleagues spotlight from her. Poor girl.

"Yes. I'm fully aware. I'm also aware that whenever they bring someone along, it's for taking notes. Boring, is it not?" You asked, looking up at her. She seemed to already devour the sweet snack.

She laughed loudly, getting the attention of some around the two of you. "Oh darling, of course it's boring! Any job is the worst... but some things always make it better, no?" She winked, tossing you a package that contained a small cake inside. Your eyebrow rose in question, what the hell is she planning?

You tore the plastic, hearing annoyingly loud crinkles with every squeeze. But the cake looked good, and you wanted it damn bad. So the entire work setting would have to deal with hearing you open your snack.

You finally ripped it open, placing the entire strawberry coated pastry into your mouth. Your eyes closed happily, the frosting tickling the roof of your mouth. But something had to ruin the moment, and God, you had nearly choked on the stupid thing. You scurried to the water cooler, placing a cone shaped cup underneath to catch some water.

"My mistake hon. Those things are pretty dry, aren't they?"

"You..." You coughed, wiping away the excess water from your lips, "You nearly fucking killed me." You glared at her. She laughed quietly, twirling her golden hair between her painted nails. "Oh Miss (First Name). This isn't how you thank your friend for a cake, is it? I saw you shove the entire thing in your mouth, and so did our friend over there. Don't make any excuses, now."

"Explain to me how the hell she had seen. She doesn't even work on this floor." You laughed, downing another cup of water. "She's right over there." Your friend replied, raising her coffee cup in some random direction. She waved back, her blue eyes beaming at you from afar. You worked with some strange people, that's for sure..

The two of you continued to chat, mostly about her husband and her newborn baby. You gushed at the cute photos she showed you. "And this one is him in a cute little suit. He looks just like his father, doesn't he?" she grinned, showing you photo after photo. You laughed, a stupid grin on your face. "He does! I just wanna pinch those chubby cheeks, he's so cute!" You mumbled, nearly crying seeing such a cute baby.

The two of you continued to stare at her new child, totally in love with just pictures. Even others had joined you, but caught by their boss, they all had to return to their floor.

"Oh my God! Look how dirty he got, how did you clean him? I would've j-" Interrupted by a hand on your shoulder, you freaked out internally, turning around at a neck breaking speed. It was your boss...

"Oh... Hello sir. I was just about to, uh. Go back to work." You nervously babbled, feeling your palms begin to sweat.

He rolled his eyes at your obvious lie, "Miss (Last Name)... That is not what I'm here to talk to you about. Can you come to my office, please?" He asked, turning to walk away.

You looked to your side, where your friend was just a second ago. She seemed to immediately disappear after your boss came to the water cooler. What an amazing person.

Just as quick as she disappeared, she was back at your side. "Ooh... Maybe he wants to get in your pants. He's not bad..." She whispered, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear. You quickly scolded her, assuring her that was not the case.

"I'm just going to see what he needs. I'll be back soon, hopefully." You grumbled, walking after your boss.

"You want me to what?!" You yelled, but, quickly realising how loud you were, you lowered your voice sheepishly.

"I want you to come along on today's business meeting. Your friend told me what a hard worker you are, yet I see you cruise through this job. Show me what you could do, yeah?" He hummed, adjusting the glasses seated perfectly on the bridge of his nose.

"Sir, please. I'm not good at taking notes-"

"Who said you had to take any notes? Just watch how it goes. I want you one day to lead one, as does my superiors. Besides, notes are the reason why we have interns." A huge sigh of relief came from you, this was a fucking field day. You didn't have to do anything, but sit your ass down in a comfortable chair, eat some junk food, and listen to some rich douche blab about how much money he has.

"But, there is a reason why I'm bringing you, Miss (Last Name)... I don't think you'll be too pleased..." He trailed off, what could be so bad? Again, all you had to do was literally nothing.

Fuck him.

Fuck him so hard.

That whole speech bullshit meant nothing, your boss had taken you along for two reasons.

Your breasts.

Yeah, just flaunt them in their faces will totally sign the deal, won't it? God you hate him.

"I cannot believe you." You growled, seated next to him.

He took his glasses off to push his hair out of the way, "(Last Name), I'm sorry... I thought you wouldn't mind, seriously. You're the only woman who isn't married that works for me, so. Ya know..."

"No? I don't know. Elaborate please, sir." You faked a respectful tone.

The two of you turned to the smooth black doors, opening so quietly, you barely caught it. Around seven or so men walked in, and they were all huge. Not to mention that they looked like they snapped people in half for fun.

"I'll pay you extra to shut up about this." He mumbled under his breath, standing to greet the people who walked in.

"Consider it done." You remained seated, not bothering to stand. They see you, don't they?

"And who is this?" The red haired questioned, gold eyes settling on you. You didn't notice for a second, thinking he was talking about the intern in the seat next to you. Then you had looked in front of you, and he was staring right back.

"Oh! Hello, I'm just here to... study..? Yeah? Don't mind me please, uh, sirs." You stood up, not offering your hand to shake for the sake of your bones. He looked you up and down, seeming to enjoy what he had seen, he didn't say anything, and you thanked whatever luck you had.

You were so bored, the thought of money keeping you seated. Also, the fact that you didn't want a bunch of men seeing your ass whenever you had tried an attempt to stand.

You studied, sure, but not the meeting. You were looking at the clients. They were an interesting little group, but one had you staring a little too much.

You kept telling yourself it was only because of what he wore, which had totally covered his face. He sported a disposable mask, as well as darkly tinted sunglasses. All you could see were the blonde bangs that fell in his face perfectly, and a neatly trimmed goatee poking from beneath the mask.

The dark suit he had on looked like it was about to burst, the material straining every time those bulky arms moved an inch. Part of you wanted to feel how strong those arms really were.

Oh, you were staring. Damn right, and you weren't hiding it, either. Seems like the red hair was the only one who could intimidate you.

The thing that had finally amused you, he started staring back.

At first, you couldn't tell, only because his head was tilted in your general direction. A sly smile soon appeared on your gentle features when you realised you had finally gotten his attention.

You used your hand to fake fanning yourself, taking one button from your dark blouse and popping it open. It hadn't shown much, just your bare clavicle. But you now had piqued his curiosity, his eyes were on you. Which really wasn't a good business idea, since the red hair had no idea what he was talking about. You didn't think the other guys did, either.

You saw his tan digits do the same thing, two buttons were removed from their place, just barely showing his pectorals off.

What bored people need are distractions, and damn, did you have a distraction.

You swallowed thickly seeing his muscles tense at the warm air, you reached to open another button, getting a peek of the dark blue brassiere cupping your breasts.

You assumed he didn't like losing, he was removing two buttons at once. Pretty soon his entire chest would be on display, not that you were complaining. It's just that, well... you really couldn't do the same. Not without getting everyone's attention on you, and all you wanted was the blonde.

You had a nice view in front, and so did he. A nice pair of soft breasts looking supple between the bra you had worn. He didn't even know anything about you, yet his thoughts were clouded with lust.

"(Last Name)?"

You looked to your side, your boss, and the red hair, were staring at you. Not you, actually.

"This isn't what I had in mind by your womanly charm... But whatever makes you happy." He whispered, trying to get back into whatever he was talking about.

"You and the lady switch." The red hair smiled mischievously, who? You? Why would you switch spots..? You felt perfectly safe between your boss and the intern.

"I don't think that's needed, sir..." You shyly reached to piece your shirt back together, stopped by your boss. He gave you a look you couldn't say no to.

"I want more money. I also want a vacation, with pay." You whispered, feeling all eyes on you. "Whatever you need, (Last Name). You're the one holding this business meeting together, now go move spots!"

The one who stood up was seated between the blonde, and the red hair... Oh God.

You rose off of your seat awkwardly, pushing the skirt lower. You nervously started walking over to where you would be sitting for the next hour or so. You were scared. Scared, and also weirdly aroused.

The blonde guy seemed to be interested at this, changing his entire stature to stare at you adequately.

You knew the red haired male just wanted a better view at your boobs, you didn't care about him though. Frankly, he could look all he'd like, you were covered, and you were getting money.

You reached for a random magazine, using it to fan yourself briefly, but finding it useless. Unbuttoning your shirt had actually battled the heat to an extent, so why not? The view couldn't get better.

You continued to flip through the magazines contents boringly. You were back to square one, just this time, with two attractive men sandwiched between you.

You nearly fell asleep, hearing your boss and these guys drone on and on about stuff you didn't care about... plus, you were hungry. You knew this office had some food around somewhere.

"Please excuse me." You faked a cute smile, walking out of the stuffy room. You set a pace to where the break room was, but you couldn't find it... this wasn't your workplace, it was theirs. You could ask for directions, but it seemed the entire office was cleared out.

"Lost?" You heard an incredibly deep voice say, turning quickly to see who it was. How cliche, it was the blonde from earlier. Nevertheless, you were glad to see him.

"Obviously, how about you lead me to the break room? Or, wherever the food is." You smiled, waiting for him to walk ahead of you.

You felt a hand on your shoulder harshly spin you around, meeting the blondes burly chest. "You can't go walking around like that, can you?" He questioned, reaching to button your blouse.

"How sly. If you want to cop a feel, just ask. Doesn't mean I'd let you, though." You smiled, holding his hands to stop him. They were so rough, littered with scars on the once delicate skin. "You guys aren't all into business, huh?" Your thumb moved over his knuckles multiple times.

He made a small noise, barely noticed by you, and walked ahead of you, motioning to the break room. You happily followed him, a newfound skip in your step.

A couple of turns, and the two of you were there. Oh, you want to transfer to this firm, their break room was stunning. Unlike the meeting room, the walls and doors were curtained, and not totally clear. Thank goodness, you didn't want anyone to see you pig out.

"Hello air conditioning. Oh baby, I've missed you." You sat down on the cushioned spin chair, twirling around a couple of times. The blonde folded his arms, staring at you and your weird antics.

"What kind of food you guys got?" You pondered aloud, turning in your chair a bit more. "Take a look." He responded, a slight change of tone was heard, but you didn't notice, nor care.

You stood up and rushed over to him, placing your hands delicately on his covered abs to see what was in his arms. He opened the pale pink box, revealing a spread of pastries that were beautifully decorated. Your mouth was practically watering, eyes silently begging for the confection.

Your grubby hands almost got their way, but the box was lifted well above arms reach.

Screw him.

"Come on..." You grumbled, starting to button your shirt slowly.

The bastard sat down on the chair you were previously on, opening the box. "No clue why I should be giving someone I don't know my food. I think I'll need a favour in return." He grinned, unnoticeable to you.

"Your food? Give me a break, you couldn't eat all of that. Your muscles would turn to shit." He chuckled quietly at this, "Very funny."

You didn't mind offering him a favour, since you were interested in the man.

"Oh? You want a favour, do you?" You sauntered over to him, taking a seat on his thighs. "Let me know what you want, and I'll negotiate." You whispered, feeling his body tense the second your body met his.

Your hands started to tangle in that pretty mess of blonde hair, "The second I saw you, my thoughts were cloudy... fucking dirty. My boss told me to try and focus on this shit meeting, but all I could focus on was you. So, what can I trade you for a donut or two?" You smiled, taking his hand into yours.

"You're the one telling me that you had dirty thoughts. Show me what you can do." He rasped, his deep voice radiating a sense of urgency.

"This would be the part where we kiss, but well, ya know." You stood abruptly, showing his arousal from where you had sat.

You went on your knees, the hard floor making you a little uncomfortable, but nothing you couldn't handle. You didn't mind the change in pace, again, he was an attractive man, and you were a horny woman. Match made in heaven!

You fumbled with the belt a bit, finally slipping it off and tossing it somewhere. You slid his dress pants and boxers off in a single fluid motion, his cock anticipating your touch.

"Fucking big..." You mumbled in awe, touching it softly with two hands. He wanted to gloat, chest swelling in pride. He knew damn well he was big, but it felt good to hear a woman say it.

You kissed the tip of his length, precum spilling forth as affirmations to continue. Your lips stretched around his girth to swallow more of him, taking him deeper and deeper, you heard him groan and tilt his head back.

Your free hand reached to cup his balls as you continued to lick and suck him. You find his sensitive spots quickly, easily hearing his breath hitch every time your tongue pressed against a specific vein.

Now that he had felt your lips and warm mouth, there was no way he'd ever feel the same with just his fist alone. He could thank you for that, or curse you.

You quickly grew impatient since he wasn't filling you, so you decided to do the job yourself, and put a show on for him. You reached under your skirt, shoving your wet panties aside and pushing into your slick insides.

You audibly moaned around him, free hand lightly pressing along other sensitive areas you found.

Fuck, just watching you take him in made his head swim. He didn't know you, but all that mattered in the world was you in this instance.

All that was heard in the room were the lewd sounds of you pleasing the man in front of you, and also pleasing yourself. It gave you a hidden rush, that the two of you could get caught at any moment whatsoever.

Seeing your eyes become glossy with every passing moment nearly made him finish right there. Feeling your warm throat constrict around him nice and tight- fuck. He didn't want it to end, he wanted to sit here with you forever and see you please him.

At times you would whimper against him, feeling yourself leak onto your fingers and curling them deep inside of you, you wanted to be vocal. You wanted the entire damn office to walk in and see. You wanted red hair to see what you were doing, giving oral to his friend. You wish you could sign the deal like this.

You took him out of your mouth for a second, head laying on his thigh for a bit. You wanted to take care of yourself first, seeing as he was a little insatiable. Small pants left you as you rubbed your clit quickly, trying to meet your end. "Oh, oh fuck... Yes I'm so close, so close. So close, so... clo-oh!" You screamed, feeling your arousal drip onto your thighs, you groaned. What can you wear now?

"Now, I think I've earned something. Don't you?" You asked sweetly, gripping his cock tightly, feeling it twitch lightly in your hands. "For entertaining me, I guess. But don't think we're finished after this." He groaned, feeling your mouth back on him. Your (eye colour) hues looked at him through the tinted glasses, challenging his stare.

"Finish already."

You didn’t want it to end either.

Your other hand was your best friend, pumping his length and toying around with him in general. He wasn't very loud, you'd get lucky to hear a grunt or some other noise. But, it was fucking hot as hell whenever you heard anything from him.

You took him to the base, the blonde curls tickling your nose. The urge to gag and release him was strong, but you evened your breathing and calmed yourself. You felt him in the back of your throat, awaiting his release. You sighed around him, he was so heavy inside you, you could feel yourself get excited once more.

Then, you had remembered your boss. Today, he seemed somewhat eager to hand you all of your demands. Plus, it seems that you have blonde in the palm of your hand. You could get him to sign the deal, and you could get promoted. Which, of course, meant one thing.

More money...

You felt him twitch inside your mouth, just barely, but you caught it. Oh, you fucking caught it alright. You released him, slowly, real slow. Dragging your tongue around him and kissing his head as a final goodbye.

You stood, pulled your panties up, cleaned your thighs as best as possible. And, as much as you didn't want to, you started to leave the room, leaving blonde asking tons of questions in his mind.

"Oops! Forgot something!" You chimed, walking over to him, he let out a sigh of relief, thinking that you were talking about him.

When you had, once again, sat on him, all of his worries melted away. He thought that you'd tease him a little, and get back to what you were doing. You leaned closer to him, opening your mouth slightly.

And you had reached for the stack of donuts behind him. Bliss.

"Sign the deal, and I'll show you something better than my mouth, blonde."

You were about to return to the meeting, but it seemed the others needed a break as well. You turned to the blonde to make sure he was adequately covered, and somehow, he was. However, it was pretty funny to see him pressing his lower half under the table.

You stepped over to your boss, discussing a potential raise. "When does the meeting continue?" You licked the excess vanilla off of your fingers nice, and slow. You knew damn well he was watching.

"Hm? I think in fifteen minutes? Where'd you get that donut?" You handed him yours, since part of you desperately yearned to be close to that man again, what was he doing to you? Either way, you knew that getting a pastry was your perfect coverup.

"If you're getting more, please get the intern one. He's too scared to go with these guys. I guess he prefers staying alone." Smart guy. You nodded to him, heading over to grab two croissants. If he didn't like it, more for you.

You took two sweets into the little bag that was provided, and not a word was said. You wanted to banter with him, not get the cold shoulder... You knew that he would come around eventually, though.

"Chocolate, or vanilla?" You surprised the intern, nearly giving him a heart attack. "V-vanilla?" He asked, you gave him an odd look, handing him the bag. "Hope you like it," You smiled, starting to fan yourself once again. Damn, this room was hot... "also, you should get outta here. Make some new friends, acquaintances I guess. Don't stay here alone."

"I would stay but, well... This room has no air conditioner. So, bye!" You left quickly, not trying to get into a conversation with him. You wanted to stay in the same vicinity as the blonde, maybe even red hair...

Well, there's red hair right there. He was pretty far from you, thank goodness. He seemed to be looking for something though, he turned in your direction.

Oh?

Oh.

He was looking for you.

You?

"Calm down, maybe the thing is behind you." You mumbled to yourself. Okay, this is not where you wanted to die, not before you and the blonde have a fling.

"You... Boob girl." Boob girl?! You wanted to laugh, if not for the fact that he looked like he wanted to end you just with his terrifying gaze.

"I don't know what you did to him, but now all of a sudden he thinks your shit deal is a golden ticket."

"Huh?" You had no clue what he was talking about, honestly. You were not paying attention in that meeting.

"Don't fucking play dumb. Killer wouldn't agree to some stupid shit like this. Maybe I would, but not him."

"Killer? The blonde guy?" You asked, looking up at red hair.

He nodded, his features growing more and more angered with every passing second.

What a scary name he had! How rude of him not to introduce himself. Well, you didn't tell him your name, either.

"I know you had something to do with him even considering the stupid fucking thing. How did you get him to change his mind so randomly?" Looks like any answer you provided would end badly.

And suddenly, your confidence skyrocketed, you felt invincible. So, you said something that you'd end up regretting immediately.

"With my mouth."

You left him to stand there and process what you had just told him. Chatting with the intern looked like a better option now, quickly slipping inside the meeting room.

"Hey again." You smiled, sitting next to him, talking about how good pastries and other sweets were.

You opened the interns notebook, which had contained barely legible handwriting, that had been basically all what the meeting was about. Time for you to catch up! Well, it would've been, but the door opened and people had started to come back.

You wanted to wave blonde over to sit next to you, but red hair seemed to be gunning for the seat next to you. No, no no. You were not going to sit next to him. You weren't going to die, at least not yet.

Luckily, the blonde came in right after red hair, and sat next to you. Red hair gave a look to the intern, he wanted him to sit away from you, again. Your boss gave you a nod.

"No, he stays here." You said, a hand on his shaking shoulder. That seemed to calm him a bit, he was literally vibrating in his seat. "I don't wanna die, I can move. It r-really is no problem."

"It's okay dear. You can stay. I'm eager to hear your notes that you've been taking. I'm sure this kind man can get a seat elsewhere." You almost laughed when you had said kind man, but kept your composure.

Usually, he would yell. He would probably kill, too. But from the look on his associates faces, he couldn't refuse. He assumed you were important to your boss, you weren't, you were very expendable, but he didn't need to know such a thing.

He grumbled and walked across from you, sitting there with an angry look. You didn't mind, he could stare all he had wanted.

And you were, sadly, once again back in square one, bored in the meeting, this time, just not hungry. Hungry for something- someone else though, yes.

"Blonde." You whispered, scooting a bit closer to him, red hair was still looking at you. You used this to your advantage, since apparently conversing with his friend made a vein stick out.

"If you manage to sign the deal, you can do anything. Literally anything, and I'll be okay with it." His attention shifted to you, barely enough for the others to notice, but very obvious to you. He desperately wanted to make you pay for earlier, so he agreed.

Just like that, the meeting was over. Your boss ecstatic, and red hair questioning how this had happened. You sat with your hands laced together neatly. "Let me see your notebook, dear." You asked, offering your hand. He gave it to you quickly.

'Thanks to (First Name).'

You handed it back to him, adding a little crooked smiley face with the fountain pen. He looked at you with question, "Show him later, I have a favour to owe." Your boss came over to talk to you, but you didn't have time. You've been after one thing this entire time, and it's waiting for you. "I'm taking the rest of the day off," better take tomorrow too, since you doubt you could walk right... "tomorrow as well. Please talk to the kid when you have time, I'm leaving."

The blonde was waiting for you, leaning on the door coolly, strong arms crossed. You wanted the threads of his shirt to pop. "Ready to cash in that favour now?" You smiled, your red lips stretching into a smile. Saying not a word, he led you to what you would think to be his office. A very spacious and barely decorated room. A few houseplants lay astray, but you believe they were already inside the office, the blonde too lazy to remove them. Or maybe he secretly liked them?

"Sorry about earlier, I guess I'm kind of a tease." You giggled, removing your panties, only leaving the skirt on. You unbuttoned the blouse completely, letting the thin material remain on your smooth shoulders. "I've been waiting all day. Do what you'd like." You whispered, reaching over to remove his dress shirt. His large hands stopped you quickly, "How sly. If you wanted to cop a feel, you could've asked. Doesn't mean I'd let you, though." He mused, mimicking you from earlier. You rolled your eyes, but quickly forgetting when you felt him run his thumbs over your soft breasts. You held onto his wrists, little gasps leaving you every so often. He knew what he was doing, you knew it wasn't his first time. He pinched and groped every sensitive part of your body, all in the first time of touching you, being with you.

He fumbled with his tie a bit, finally getting it off. "Put this over your eyes." Handing you the blue tie. "What f-" Oh, he was going to use his mouth. What a pity- you had wanted to see what he had looked like. You put the tie on, no hesitation. If his hands were that good, imagine what his tongue could do.

You felt him on your neck, small puffs of hot air making you heat up. His lips clasped around the thin skin, tinting the (skin colour) a darker shade. You tangled your hands in his hair again, scratching and pulling. Something was nagging at you that he liked his hair getting touched. "Please... Please I need to feel you, i-inside." You grew desperate the second he used his mouth. Hands were bad enough, but you needed him. You desperately wanted to feel him fill you.

"You're so wet, so quickly too. I had barely started..." You felt his fingers near your warmth, arching closer to him when you felt his fingertips against your swollen clit. You whimpered, feeling yourself grow more and more aroused with every second that had passed. You teased him, he'll tease you just as bad, no, worse. He would press against your clit so softly, or push his finger inside of you just a little bit, before taking them right out. You were a mess, your body craved release, instead, whenever you felt buildup you were completely denied.

"Come on, Killer..." You gasped, feeling his fingers freeze inside of you. "I don't recall telling you my name." He was a bit confused, did he? "Red hair told me. He accused me of making you sign the deal, which I had done."

"It would be fair if you tell me yours."

"Who said I'm fair, blonde?" Even with being blindfolded and all, your hand knew where it was going. You snaked down his pants and undergarments to grab his erection, a pleased groan coming from him. Gently, you started to pump his cock, feeling him press closer to you.

With a shaky breath, he stopped you, seating you on the desk. He spread your legs slightly, kneeling lower to become face to face with your dripping cunt. You kicked off your heels, hearing them land in a corner. Feeling his warm breath on your inner thighs, your grip on the edge of the desk tightened. Part of you had just wanted to feel him inside, but another half wanted to take it slow.

You felt his fingers return, a welcomed sensation by you. Following his digits, you felt his warm tongue on your desperate clit. Screaming out in pleasure, you began to squeeze him in between your thighs. His large arms slightly opened your legs, since you were literally squishing him. Scissoring your tight insides with his fingers, and taking care of your clit with his skilled muscle, you felt your high nearing. When he closed his lips against your clit, sucking between a fine line of harsh and softly, you nearly lost it right there.

Enjoying this man more than you had with other one-night stands, a small frown settled on your face for a second. You knew that you'd never see him again, and part of you hurt in realisation. These thoughts quickly disappeared, feeling him lick long, desirable strides over your warmth. Hands flocking to his blonde hair that you were all too familiar with, pulling it pretty hard. When he didn't do anything to stop you, you continued grabbing and feeling the soft strands slip through your fingers.

He was playing you, as if you were a one of a kind instrument. Strumming you with expertise while hearing you sing beautifully in return. Your world was pitch black, heightening the feeling of blonde please you. Within the tie, your eyes were closed anyway, mouth open, yelling affirmations to boost blonde's drive to make you finish.

Adding a third finger inside your wet pussy, you couldn't take it anymore, the buildup from earlier making it harder and harder to push back the inevitable. Wrapping your thighs around him tightly, while simultaneously gripping his hair as hard as possible. Yelling his name, you felt your orgasm hit you hard. He wasn't finished, though. You continued to feel him lick and suck your overstimulated clit.

Your brain felt fried, unable to form even a comprehensive sentence. Just the feeling of your legs quake in pure bliss. He separated your legs and rose to his full height. Your body was slightly slumped over, hot puffs of air passing through your lips. He walked over to a small hand towel, wiping off the excess slick from his face. He took a look at you on the desk, still basking in your orgasm.

When his face was mostly cleaned up, he went back over to you, taking a seat in the plush spin chair. He didn't say, or do a single thing, for a moment, all he did was admire you. Looking at your curves and small scars that settled on your (skin colour) flesh. His hands itched to trail each imperfection, lips yearning to kiss and mark it anew. However, those were not things that would happen of the first night of being intimate. He knew on a normal day you'd never reveal so much as a blemish to a single soul.

Yet, part of him questioned if this was a 'normal day' for you. Getting into a sexual situation with someone you had barely even met, not even using his proper name. Hell, he didn't even know your name!

"Tell me your name." He whispered, delicately biting and sucking your clavicle. Easily leaving a darkened mark on the sensitive skin.

"Only if you tell me yours." Hesitation was heard in your voice, you still wanted that sense of anonymity between the two of you, but the words he spoke had broken what little sense you had left. "You already know mine, don't you?" He paused, feeling his hands where his mouth had left.

"I do, but I'd prefer to hear it from you, not your buddy." His expression was somewhat puzzled, such an odd reason, but no harm would be done by answering.

"Killer."

You opened your mouth, closing it quickly. Your teeth met your bottom lip, gnawing at it nervously. You had no issue with telling people your name, but this felt different. It was, different. That's the issue. "Is it really important..?" You asked, arms trying to find his shoulders. "A little." He answered, truthfully? You didn't know.

"(First Name)."

You felt his lips barely brush against your own, subconsciously, you inched closer to him. You never wanted to kiss someone as bad as him, yet, you wish that you'd never feel the almost loving exchange. God knows why you felt so self-conscious about such a small thing, just around him, it felt unusual.

You pushed whatever trivial thoughts you had to the back of your mind, you weren't going to ruin this because you're too embarrassed. You were quickly reminded of the tie covering your entire world, and you wanted it gone. "Let me see you." You said, a tone so hushed you barely heard it yourself.

"Not yet." He was so close, you basically felt the words he had said against you. Your mind continued to tell you not to kiss him, not to want him.

But you did. You wanted him, real bad.

You went against any logical thought, meeting his lips in a fierce kiss. You felt his large hand on your hip, nearly covering the entire thing, his grip bruising the delicate skin. Your toes curled at the intensity of the kiss, lips bruising one another. Any sound you had made from pleasure was swallowed by the man on top of you. Your hands attached to his now naked back, leaving small moon shaped prints that would soon disappear in due time.

While you had been distracted with the best make out session of your entire life, you hadn’t even felt his cock get closer and closer to your anxious pussy. But, you did feel when he shoved himself inside of you, quite harshly.

Your back arched, body trembling lightly. Your legs, if not forced opened by his large figure, would’ve closed immediately once you felt his tip. You were loud. You weren’t going to hide that, your voluminous moans and whimpers fuelled him, urged him, so desperately to sate you. Bottoming out inside of your warmth, he sighed, it was very quiet, as an individual, he did not speak much. You felt his forehead on your own, panting lightly, unlike you, a mess within one thrust.

It was almost a loving gesture, how you can feel his nose to your own, lips ghosting against yours several times. Pulling him closer, you caught his lips once again, moaning into the kiss over, and over. Starting to move now, since you were partially silenced by the kiss, your grip on his back somehow tightened, eyes watering as you felt his large and impressive girth drag deliciously against your insides.

Unconsciously, you had been squeezing him as tightly as possible every time your body thought he was pulling out. This had made it hard for him to keep himself calm, he didn’t want to lose control. He wanted both of you to enjoy yourselves, slowly. Your faces separated from one another, a small noise coming from you realising you had lost so much warmth. Your face lay in the crook of his neck, leaving small marks on him. Delicately biting and sucking the skin, you groaned when you felt his arms begin to roam your body. Finding the smooth curve of your breasts, he squeezed them softly, immediate getting a reaction out of you. The stimulation on your body was too much, his huge cock basically tearing half of your body, and his dexterous hands pinching and grabbing your body as much as he could.

Moaning loudly, you had half a mind to be embarrassed. You were sure everyone in this office could hear what the two of you were doing, but with every passing second of Killer slamming himself into you, pressing against just the right spots, you didn’t care anymore.

“You’re fucking loud, doing too much of a good job?”

Arrogant, he and red hair had that in common. You thought of an insult in your mind, but all that your mouth was capable of doing was screaming again and again, just a whimper of his name came from you. He pressed his hand over your mouth, covering the sounds that emerged. He loved how you had sounded, yes. However, he did not want anyone else hearing you, getting curious and scoring an eyeful of you in your naked glory.

His hand was rough, you felt the scars on your agape mouth, accidentally wetting his hand. He didn’t mind, and neither did you. You moved your own hand to where his remained clasped over your mouth, grabbing the larger one tightly, some moans still seeming audible. In an odd way, it looked like you were trying to hold his hand. No, you were trying to pry his hand off, but this wasn’t what he had interpreted it as, since he could see and you couldn’t. Absentmindedly, you traced the many veins that resided in his hand, nails leaving small lines.

Slightly embarrassed, he removed his hand, not bothering to wipe the saliva off, he stuck two of his large fingers inside of your mouth. This had actually done a better job at keeping you quiet, and he could tell it made you more aroused as well. Manoeuvring your body in a weird way so he wouldn’t be able to continue drilling into you, you had forced him to stop. You pulled his fingers out of your mouth, holding his hand with both of your smaller ones. “What’s with the baby pace? Can’t handle me, blonde?”

He chuckled quietly, “I don’t think you could ever handle me, miss (First Name).” You pitched your voice a bit lower, making yourself sound sweet and sultry, “Why don’t we find out, Killer?” He had to hold himself back for a second, wondering if you were serious. You were loud and he was just going at a pretty lazy pace. Imagine if he actually had let loose…

He didn’t want to imagine.

Flipping you over, your stomach pressed against the desk. It was a little uncomfortable, but what made you uncomfortable was when he removed himself from within you. Bunching up your blouse, he held onto it tightly, stretching your pussy with his large length. He set a fast pace, quickly getting lewd sounds from you. Fucking you into the desk, your hands grasped at the wood for dear life, feeling the force come from the man behind you was like a drug, and you were a fucking addict.

His other hand remained still on your hip, the grip hard and bruising. Every feeling was welcomed by you, though. Pressing your body into the surface harder and harder as he basically anchored himself to your shirt and hip, you screamed wildly, loving this new pace. Flesh to flesh contact, as well as your sounds, was the only thing anyone within a mile radius could hear, very easily. “Let me- oh… fuck yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes..!” You forgot what you were going to say, the second you started speaking you had lost to him, his cock relentlessly pleasuring you. “Let me… top.” You mumbled, almost not registering in his head, since he also was lost in the pleasure you provided for him, he finally realised what you had asked.

“No.”

You grew a little angry at this, only asking for one little thing, only to get denied. “Please..?” You asked, faking a sweet and innocent tone. You felt his thrusts stutter a bit, barely catching it. He had shown a moment of weakness in front of you, and you were going to seize the chance. Using your exhausted legs once again, you nearly kicked him off of you, forcing him to sit down on the office chair.

“I asked nicely, you know.” You nearly growled, your temper not something to toy around with while intimate. He put his sunglasses as well as mask on, fixing his hair in a way that you couldn’t see his face. He knew you were about to rip the tie off, somehow... And that is exactly what you had done, so when you had seen him completely covered, you were a little confused. Adjusting to the dim lighting was easy, blinking a few times, you sauntered over to his lap, your breasts moving slightly with every step you took. Taking a seat, you sighed blissfully, looking up at his covered face. “I think its time for me to show you what I can do, blonde.”

Feeling his impatient cock dangerously close to your dripping cunt, you grabbed him, squeezing the tip of his cock, drawing a little precum out of him. Standing over him, you teased him by barely putting him inside. You knew he was desperate to be lost in your warmth again, but you were going to make him work for it. Holding onto both of his large arms, you lowered yourself inch by inch, moaning his name quietly when you felt him deeper from this angle. You looked up at him, seeing his dark shades grow foggy. You couldn’t hear him, but his glasses gave him away. “You’re so good. Fuck, you’re stretching me so much!” You hated talking like this, but you knew this would make his ego skyrocket. His chest began to heave a little more than before, showing that your words had effect. Staying still with his cock buried deep in your velvety folds, your arm wrapped around his back, the other grasping his shoulder.

His hands deepened their hold on your hips, a sting of pain surging through you. Hissing from the sensation, you smiled, your smeared lipstick following the curve of your lips. “You wanna play like that, do you blonde? I’m good at games too, ya know.” At first, he initially didn’t know what you were talking about, too focused on the throbbing of his cock to be paying attention to you. But when you hadn’t made a move, he had known what you meant. “I don’t think either of us likes this game.”

“Speak for yourself, I’m enjoying it.”

He was not going to just warm his cock inside of you, though, it would be rather enjoyable another day. What he wanted was to leave marks on you, make it difficult for your legs to work, not this shit.

He tolerated it for another minute, but when it grew clear that you had no impression to move, he started to lift you by the hips. “What are you d-doing?!” You yelled, not ready for the feeling his erect cock provided to you.

“What you wouldn’t.”

He started bouncing you on his cock steadily, watching your breasts bounce with rhythm. Your palms were pressed to his tan pectorals, screaming and whimpering with each thrust. Feeling him so much deeper inside, you couldn’t take much longer, you felt your sanity start to slip. You were literally going insane just due to the pleasure Killer had given you. “Just like that, fuck, just like that!” You gasped, squeezing his chest while raking your nails over the skin.

“Oh? You mean like this, don’t you?” He questioned, faking a kind tone while ramming into the spot that made you see stars over, and over.

“Kiss me…”

His pace slowed, his eyes scanning for the tie, but you discarded it somewhere in the room.

“I won’t look, I promise.” You reassured, screwing your eyes shut. He didn’t know why, but he felt as if he could believe your words. Maybe it was because the two of you shared intimacy, but in this moment, he didn’t care. Pulling his mask down just so his mouth could show, he met you in soft, yet fiery liplock. Arching yourself to close the nonexistent space in between the two of you, you held him like a lover, delicately laying your hands over the scarred skin. His muscles twitched in response, not used to the loving action.

Your whimpers and moans being swallowed in hot, open mouthed kisses, your walls tightened on his length, slowing his pace a little.

Separating from the kiss, your eyes still closed, tears steaming down your face, you screamed his name while convulsing in pure bliss. Finally reaching your orgasm, it had probably been the best one you’ve ever experienced, making your toes curl, back arch, head hang back while your tears stained your cheeks.

Continuing to slam into your sensitive nerves, small sounds of pain and pleasure left you, returning to the kiss.

Grabbing a handful of your ass harshly, your body stiffened in response, making inaudible noise while the two of you had continued essentially taste one another, not getting enough of each other.

Keeping your eyes closed as promise, you wanted him to reach his finale too. “You’re so fucking big. Fuck..!” You panted, hands on his shoulders to not slip off of him.

“I know.”

There’s the arrogance again, you rolled your eyes, even in the darkness there was sass inside of you.

You had wanted to top, but he was the one controlling you, moving you up and down, kissing and marking your body as his.

Since he was pretty much in control, he flipped you again, bending you over the hard desk. His hand sneaked to your clit, lightly pinching the overstimulated nerves, causing you to scream loudly.

He smiled in response, knowing in his head that he had mapped out your entire body and how it, as well as you, had reacted to different touches.

Happy with the rhythm he had set earlier, he continued to fuck you into the desk, hearing nothing but affirmations from you. Slamming his hips against your soft flesh, his cock went deep inside of you, more tears leaking from your eyes. His eyes attached to the way your pussy had practically sucked him back in with every thrust, greedily trying to milk him dry. His grip tightened, thrusts growing uneven and sporadic, he knew he was close.

Hitting your womb with unknown precision, he nearly came when you spontaneously squeezed him impossibly tight. Feeling the inevitable buildup, he met you with a couple more powerful thrusts, before groaning deeply, spilling his seed deep inside of you.

Pulling out hurt the two of you, the nerves screaming to stop. The room was a new temperature, even hotter than the meeting room.

“You’re not good for me…” You whispered, unable to move from your uncomfortable position on the desk, the fear of falling off holding you still.

He eyed your swollen pussy, watching the cum leak out steadily. He resisted the urge to pound into you again.

“Says who?” He asked, getting up to grab a towel for the both of you. “My mental health.” You stilled, feeling the sensation of exhaustion overcome you.

“Well, I think we can overcome that, can’t you? If you just want the sex, that really hurts my feelings.” He faked emotion, you rolled your eyes.

“Maybe I do, but you’ll find out soon enough, blonde.”

He hummed in response, throwing you a red cotton towel.

“I guess I will.”

You heard a knock at the door, it was more of banging on it, actually. You knew you were loud, but you didn’t think anyone could brave their way in here. You frantically tried to get yourself dressed, only to feel a hand on your shoulder.

“Calm down.” You did, literally immediately.

Making a move to open the door, even though he was practically naked, save for the small towel clung to his hips, you panicked once again.

“You did say I could do anything, didn’t you?”

You nodded, raising a brow. You thought finishing inside was the thing he wanted to do, not whatever this was.

Unlocking the door, and cracking it open, you heard that familiar, yet terrifying voice from earlier. He questioned why Killer had told him to come to his office, as did you.

Then, it clicked.

You were in for a long night.

-might write a part 2 idk idk-

#one piece x reader #one piece smut #killer x reader #fanfic #one piece killer #smut #one piece

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flightlessangelwings · 3 years

Text

Work of Art ~ Chapter 2/2

Marcus Pike x tattooed!fem!reader

Chapter 2/2

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: fluff, Marcus being the best boyfriend, reader’s boss is an asshole, attempted kidnapping, reader is a badass, hurt/comfort, happy ending

Notes: This part focuses less on the tattoos and has more drama because it’s me lol. Thank you to @we-can-be-himbos for beta reading as always! Moodboard made by me

The sun hit your face as you stirred from your sleep. Marcus’ bed was soft and warm and you didn’t want to get up, but when you realized he wasn’t there you figured it was time to. It had been a few months since the first night you came to his place, and things couldn’t be better. Marcus was better than anyone you ever dated before, and always went out of his way to make you feel special. You quickly felt a strong connection to him for sure, and he felt the same about you.

Dates with Marcus Pike were always an adventure, even if it was just out to dinner. He loved to take you to museums and art shows. Of course he took you by his work to show you off too. He even went with you once while you got a new tattoo. You had even convinced him to get a small one of his own. The longer you dated him, the more nights you spent at his place; not that either of you had any complaints about that.

With a yawn and a stretch you rolled out of his bed and slipped on an oversized t-shirt that barely tickled your thighs. You stepped outside the bedroom and into the living/dining space where Marcus was focused on the stove in front of him. His back was turned so he didn’t see you yet. You saw that he only wore a pair of grey sweatpants and the sight in front of you made your mouth water.

Marcus must either have felt your gaze on him or heard you walk in because as you stepped closer, he turned around to face you. He let go of the handle of the pan where he worked on breakfast for you both and his eyes roamed all over your figure. You felt yourself heat up at the way he looked at you, especially how his eyes zeroed in on your bare legs.

It was no secret that Marcus Pike loved your tattoos. He always spent plenty of time tracing his fingers along the ink patterns in your skin and he always kissed all over the artwork that adorned your body. Marcus was especially fond of the ones on your thighs and hips, since he was the one that saw them more than anyone else.

“Morning,” his voice was still rough from sleep as he broke the silence in the room. Marcus didn’t hesitate to close the gap between your bodies and wrap his arms around you as he placed a series of soft kisses on your skin.

You giggled as you leaned into his touch, “Marcus don’t forget about the pan there,” you said between kisses.

He blindly reached behind him until he felt the knob and shut the stove off. Marcus was too focused on you to care if he burned the food. “You’re a better breakfast anway,” his voice was low as he groaned into your skin. Still, you felt the grin on his lips as he pressed them against you.

“Marcus!” you couldn’t help but laugh at his cheesy line.

He responded with a heated kiss on your lips as he backed you up against the kitchen counter. With his arms around your waist, Marcus leaned his body into yours now that the counter supported your weight. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders to pull him in as close as you could as you wrapped one of your legs around his thigh.

You kissed each other sloppily but passionately, and you both quickly got lost in each other’s lips. Marcus kept one hand firmly on your hip while the other trailed down your side and ran over your bare thigh. He stroked the skin of your thigh a few times before he ran his hand up and gave your ass a firm squeeze. The feeling of his large hand on your skin made you sigh into his mouth, and you felt Marcus grin against your lips. The two of you were content to stay like that, or even go back into the bedroom, but the sound of your phone interrupted.

“Ignore it,” you spoke against his lips as you pulled Marcus back in for another kiss. You moaned into his mouth as you rocked your hips against his and you felt the rumble of his low groan against your chest.

But when your phone rang again, Marcus broke away with a disappointed look on his face, “Maybe you should answer it.”

With a sigh, you decided to see who it was since it was unusual for someone to call you so much. Your face turned into a scowl when you saw it was your boss, Rodderick. “Hey Rod,” you put on your fake voice and used the nickname he hated just to annoy him.

“I need you to come in today,” he sounded irritated, but he usually did with you so it was hard to tell the difference. He had no real reason to dislike you, yet for some reason he always gave you a hard time. You did your job very well, and you even got promoted to head concierge in the years you worked there. At least the owners of the hotel liked you even if the manager didn’t.

“Rodderick, you know this is my day off. I can’t,” you dropped your voice as you didn’t bother to hide your annoyance.

Marcus watched your face with a frown as you went back and forth with your boss a few times before you hung up the phone. “Are you going in?”

“No way,” your face brightened up when you met his eyes, “This is our one day off together this week, I’m not giving that up,” you wrapped your arms around him again and kissed him softly. Kisses with Marcus Pike were always just what you needed, and you craved them all the time.

Marcus held you close again as he leaned into your kiss, just as addicted to you as you were to him. But, in the back of his mind, something still bothered him, “You know, I could put in a good word for a job around the office for you,” he suggested tentatively when he broke away, “I hate seeing you deal with him.”

From day one, Marcus hated the way your boss treated you. He noticed it right away, and though he tried to do what he could to help, there wasn’t much he could do for you. Marcus had offered to help you find another job before, but you always turned him down. You told him that it was hard for you to leave that place after having been there for so long, and you finally got the promotion you tried for and you didn’t want to leave so soon after getting it. Marcus understood, but always kept an eye on you regardless. There was something about Rodderick that gave him a bad feeling.

“It’s fine,” you couldn’t help the way your heart flipped in your chest at his concern for you, “Don’t worry about me.”

Marcus looked at you with a light in his eyes as he cupped your face, “I always worry baby.”

The two of you stayed still for some time as you just looked into each other’s eyes. You clung to his shoulders as if you would fall over if you let go. The tension in the air became palpable, and there was a thought on both your minds that hung in the air between you. Marcus rubbed his thumb over your cheek a few times and you leaned into his touch. The adoration in his eyes as he looked at you made you melt and you felt like you could cry from the rush of emotions that ran through you.

“I love you,” Marcus confessed bluntly.

Your eyes went wide as you gasped.

“I know we haven’t been together long, and I’ve been told I move too fast before,” he felt the need to explain himself as he rambled on when you stayed silent, “But what I feel for you…” he said your name, “Baby I can’t help it. I’ve fallen for you. And it’s ok if you can’t say it back yet but I…”

“I love you too, Marcus,” you cut him off in a hushed whisper as you tightened your grip on him. Marcus had told you about his past relationships, and you quickly wondered why anyone would let his man go. But it was their loss, and you found yourself lucky that he chose you to be with now. You were determined to succeed where the others failed, and you knew from the first night that you spent with him that you didn’t want to be with anyone else.

This time, it was Marcus’ turn to be stunned into silence, and he just stared into your face with an open mouth. But he soon recovered and swept you up into his arms again and kissed you like your lives depended on it. You giggled into the kiss as you let yourself get swept away by this wonderful man that you fell in love with.

“So how about we enjoy our day off then?”

The next day, you found that you didn’t want to go into work. You would rather just spend another day alone with Marcus, but life dictated that you both needed to go into work. You both made plans for a weekend getaway soon, so you had that to look forward to at least. And even though you dreaded facing Rodderick after your phone conversation the previous day, nothing could bring your spirits down.

You stepped into the lobby in your work uniform and a big grin on your face. You quickly got yourself set up for the day and greeted your coworkers. It was another quiet day, not too many check ins or check outs on the schedule. This was the slower season for your hotel anyway, so it wasn’t anything to be concerned about. But your mood was brought down when Rodderick called your name from his office.

With a sigh, you made sure the others were alright on their own before you headed into the office, “Everything ok, boss?” you decided not to push his buttons today. You were in a good mood, and you didn’t want to argue with him right now.

He sat at his desk and held his head in his hands, “I don’t ask for much from you,” he sighed, “And yet I’m constantly disappointed.”

So this was how it was going to be, “Rodderick, yesterday was my only day off this week. I do my job well, the owner likes me, I never call out…”

“Yeah, well I still shouldn’t have hired you,” he cut you off, “You and the disgusting way you mutilate your body with those tattoos,” you swallowed hard and tensed your body but stayed silent, “I’m surprised your FBI boyfriend can stand to look at you naked.”

“Ok that’s crossing a line,” you spat back, “My personal life is none of your business, and you better stop there before I go to HR and tell them what you said.”

That shut him up and he dismissed you. So much for your good mood.

The rest of the morning was uneventful, and Rodderick avoided you for the most part. You were more than ok with that though, and you wondered what would happen if you told Marcus what he said. You knew your boyfriend would be angry and insist you quit your job. You also didn’t want him to worry so much about you and put himself on the line for you. His own job was stressful enough without having to worry about yours.

But as you kept an eye on your boss’s behavior throughout the day, you noticed that he was acting strange. Truthfully, his behavior had been off ever since the theft and he definitely was shorter with you since then. But the past week or so he seemed to look over his shoulder more and had more meetings with men that gave you the creeps.

You had a strange feeling something was up with him.

So, when he stepped out of his office for a meeting, you slipped in to see what you could find out. His desk was a mess, but that was nothing new. Quietly, you thumbed through the papers until you found something odd. Near the bottom was the contact information of the man who was arrested for stealing the painting from the lobby months ago.

You furrowed your brows and looked at the computer screens, where the security camera footage was displayed on one. On the other monitor, you clicked through a few things until you found the footage from the night of the theft, and you found that the footage was tampered with. And it looked like Rodderick was messing with more recent footage as well, as if he was trying to figure out how to edit the timeline.

Something felt off, and you quickly pulled out your phone and took pictures of everything you could before you set everything as close to where it was before you messed with it. Hopefully it would be good enough that Rodderick wouldn’t notice that you went through his things.

You slipped out of his office just in time and as you took the first few steps out, your boss came around the corner from the concerference room. He gave you a questioning look, but you didn’t say anything and went back to your computer. As soon as Rodderick went into his office, you pulled your phone out and sent the photos to Marcus. Surprisingly, he replied almost immediately with a text that said “call me.”

With an excuse that you needed a restroom break, you slipped away again and locked yourself in the bathroom at the far end of the hall to put some distance between you and Rodderick. As soon as the door was locked, you called your boyfriend’s number and he picked up after the first ring.

“Is everything ok? How did you find this?” Marcus couldn’t hide the worry in his voice. He knew right away what the pictures you sent meant, and immediately his first concern was for your safety.

“Yeah I’m ok,” your heart pounded with nerves, “I don’t know, Rodderick was acting weird, so when he went to meet with this electrician I snuck into his office and found that. It’s odd, Marcus, even for him,” you tried to keep your voice down in case your boss tried to spy on you.

Marcus didn’t want to say anything to you until he was sure, but the investigation into the theft at your job was not closed. They caught the guy who did it, but there were too many unanswered questions. Even after the agents interviewed him, they still had more questions than answers. But your photos made everything click in his head.

“Listen to me,” he tried to keep his voice calm for your sake, “We’ve been investigating and we think your boss had something to do with the robbery,” he heard you gasp but he kept going, “But we didn’t have concrete proof until now,” he quickly explained that Rodderick had gotten himself into debt with some shady people and tried to hire the thief to steal the art piece to pay it off. And with what you found, all the pieces fit. But now that meant you were involved, and it was the last thing Marcus wanted.

He continued, “I’m coming to you with a small team. I want you to stay away from Rodderick until I get there ok?” Marcus’ voice was serious and you heard the slight tremble in it that told you he was worried. He knew you couldn’t stay hidden in the bathroom, so the next best thing was to act as if everything was fine until he got there, “I’ll be there soon, baby.”

“Ok,” was all you should whisper back, “I love you Marcus,” you added in a hushed voice.

“I love you too,” Marcus replied back with your name before he hung up.

Your hands trembled from nerves, but you had to keep yourself level until he could get there. You knew he would be as fast as he could, so you just had to pretend everything was ok until then. Just before you unlocked the bathroom door, though, you grabbed your phone again and turned on the recording function before you slipped it into your pocket. You weren’t sure why, but a voice in your head told you to do it, so you did.

With a deep breath, you flicked the lock. Everything will be ok, you told yourself.

But the momentary calm soon vanished when you were met with Rodderick’s face right as you opened the bathroom door. You jumped with a gasp before you collected yourself again.

“Rodderick! I didn’t see you there,” you tried to play off your nerves as you moved to go back to your desk.

However, he didn’t let you and he grabbed onto your arm before you took more than two steps. “Let’s talk,” his voice was low and threatening and immediately the nerves took hold of you again.

“I need to get back…”

“They’re fine without you,” he insisted, “You and I need to have a little chat,” Rodderick pulled you down the hall and used his master key to open an empty guest room and pushed you inside. He stayed in the doorway to block your exit as he ushered you into the room.

“Something wrong?” you asked as you played dumb and hoped that he wasn’t suspicious of you. Although you knew that was a fleeting possibility from the rage in his eyes.

“Why were you in my office?”

“I uhh…needed some paperwork,” you tried to come up with a convincing lie.

He paused for a moment, “Then why were your hands empty when you left?”

You took a deep breath, “Couldn’t find it.”

“What about your bathroom phone call?” his eyes bore into you and you suddenly felt so helpless.

“That’s personal,” was all you said.

For some reason, Rodderick’s face twisted into a smile, “You’re a terrible liar. You think you’d do better dating a FBI agent and all,” he paced and you remained silent as you waited for an opportunity to bolt, “Your love life really complicated things for me, you know that,” suddenly his tone was pointed again as he stopped, “I know you figured something out. You’re smarter than I give you credit for, I'll give you that.”

Still, you said nothing.

“Can’t really frame someone who is fucking an FBI agent,” his confession caught you off guard and for the first time you showed a reaction. Rodderick grinned darkly, “I needed the money. I got myself in with some people I shouldn’t have. And because I don’t like you I was going to rig it so you took the fall. Two birds one stone thing. But you can’t frame someone when they’re with a fed all the time.”

“So you were behind the theft?” your voice was weak but you tried to keep yourself strong.

“I knew you figured it out. You acted funny ever since I caught you leaving my office.”

When Rodderick lunged for you, you ducked and ran towards the door. You only hoped that your phone picked up his words as you moved as fast as you could towards the lobby. You heard your boss shout your name behind you, and you ran as fast as you could. He couldn’t dare hurt you while on the premises, but he could easily force you into his car and take you somewhere where he could possibly do something.

Luckily for you, just as you reached the lobby, Marcus and his team burst through the front door with weapons in their hands. He spotted you immediately and extended one arm out to you where you ran right into him. Marcus held you tight against him with one arm while the other pointed his gun at Rodderick, who hadn’t noticed the team yet.

A chorus of, “Freeze, FBI!” rang through the lobby as several agents pointed their weapons at your boss.

Immediately he froze and put his hands up in surrender. But before the agents were able to cuff him, he lunged for you one last time with a “You bitch!”

Marcus quickly pushed you behind him so he could shield you with his body and his team was able to restrain Rodderick in no time. From behind Marcus, you shook with adrenaline as you clung to his jacket. It wasn’t until the rest of the team took your now former boss outside that you finally let yourself exhale.

“Hey,” Marcus turned around and spoke your name in a gentle voice, “You alright?” He wrapped one arm around you and placed his other hand on your face to inspect your expression. When you were quiet, he said your name again and the look in your eyes nearly destroyed him. He had never seen you look that afraid before and he never wanted to see you look like that again.

“I’m ok,” your voice was weak, “Shaken, but ok,” you tried to chuckle, but it fell flat.

“I got you baby,” he wrapped both arms around you this time and held you tight against him, “You’re safe,” Marcus kissed the top of your head, “I’m sorry baby, I should have told you. I should have gotten here sooner.”

That was when you realized that Marcus Pike was just as scared as you were. He hid it better than you did, but you heard the way his voice shook and you felt the way he trembled. He really did love you, more than anything. And his fear for your safety proved it in that moment.

“I’m ok Marcus,” you repeated in a stronger voice, “Can we just get out of here?”

“Anything you want, baby.”

It broke protocol for sure, but Marcus didn’t care. All he cared about was you, so he took you back to his place and made sure you knew you were safe. He was quiet at first, but you knew he was going to ask about what happened, so you recounted the whole experience for him. The whole time, Marcus held you close and kept his gun closeby just in case. Whether it was for your peace of mind or his, neither of you were completely sure.

A few days went by until you were able to get back to your normal self, and Marcus barely left your side the entire time. He worked on the paperwork and followed up on the case from home where he could keep an eye on you. He also made sure that your work was aware you would be out for some time. Marcus sat at his computer with files all over his desk while you were in the shower. He was happy you got back to a somewhat normal routine fairly quickly, and you attributed that to his watchful gaze. Being around him definitely helped you feel safe again.

“Marcus,” you voice cut through his thoughts and he looked up to see you in the doorway in a tank top and sweatpants. You looked better today, like the life finally returned to your eyes and for that, Marcus was grateful.

He stood right away and crossed the room to you, “Everything ok, baby?”

You smiled warmly, the first genuine smile in days, “I’m fine.”

“Come, sit,” he guided you to the couch where he sat you both down and pulled you onto his chest. The sound and feel of his heartbeat was a comfort that helped you enormously in the past few days. Not to mention his warm, safe embrace and his sweet words that he always spoke in your ear as you fell asleep.

“I think I’m ready to go back to work,” you told him as you felt his hand run up and down your body. Your own hands played with the bunched fabric of his shirt as you spoke.

“You sure?” Marcus didn’t want you to push yourself, and he would be there for you for whatever you needed. True, you weren’t in as bad a situation as you could have been, but any situation where you were in the slightest bit of danger was too much for Marcus. But you were strong, he knew that. He also knew that you wouldn’t want to stay cooped up in his place forever.

“I’m sure,” the certainty was clear in your voice.

“Is there any way I can convince you to work at my office?” Marcus was only half joking, “I can put you in another department if you’d rather so it’s not weird for you,” when you were quiet he added, “I just want you safe, baby.”

You were quiet for some time as you thought it over, “I know,” you finally spoke in a whisper, “But I guess I have a knack for investigating though, so it doesn’t sound like it would be terrible…”

Marcus shifted you both so you sat up, “You mean it?” The look in his eyes made you melt and you couldn’t say no to him even if you wanted to. You bit your lip and nodded and he hugged you tightly. “Thank you,” he whispered into your ear, “And no one will give you a hard time about your tattoos. I promise.”

That made you both burst into laughter. It was nice for Marcus to hear your laugh again and he nuzzled you as he kissed wherever he could. It would be a change, but it was nothing you couldn’t handle. And with Marcus Pike at your side, you knew you could handle anything.

“I love you baby,” he spoke low in your ear.

“I love you too Marcus.”

#marcus pike x reader #marcus pike #marcus pike x you #marcus pike imagine

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ssa-dg · 3 years

Text

Walls are Built to be Knocked Down

Overview: this takes place in season 7 episode 2. You joined the BAU after the death of Emily and JJ’s departure. However when they both come back, everyone is shook up.

TW: mentions of drugs, murder, rape (it takes place in the episode). Adult themes

Relationship: Spencer Reid x (female) reader

Word count: 3352

Author’s note: so I have been wanting to write another short story about Spencer but couldn’t get myself to do it. Glad I got inspired by episode 2 of season 7. This is when Spencer is still mad at JJ about Emily. The unsub is the one who is neuro-divergent and is obsessed with his brother’s wife. If you have any suggestions on how to write a better Spencer Reid, I would love that. I struggle with writing an accurate Reid because he is supposed to be so smart and I’m the type of person who has been told she’s “dumb” so it’s an insecurity of mine. Give me advice if you have any just be nice. P.S. the formatting on this is so weird. I don’t have my laptop rn because it’s getting fixed and the mobile version of this app sucks lol

You and Spencer were never really good friends. You two were good coworkers and you always got along well, but it took Spencer a lot to let people behind his wall. So when you joined the team from the whit collar unit, after Emily’s death. You could tell everyone on your new team was grieving, and because you didn’t know them all that well you didn’t pry. Though slowly each member let things slide to you about their grieving. You didn’t expect that to happen but you weren’t surprised. You were always a reliable person, old friends would come out of nowhere just to talk to you about their problems, or random people in cabs, on the subway, etc. You just had that air about you, one that was dependable, nonjudgmental, and understanding. Your family called it your superpower.

So when Emily turned out to be alive and JJ and Hotch knew the whole time, the team was stunned. You didn’t fully comprehend the travesty of what they went through but you understood the pain and relief that accompanied them. Knowing they probably had 100 million different conflicting emotions swirling in them you suspected they’d be going through “it” the next months.

As JJ walked into the BAU with Prentiss talking about how she had passed all the qualifications to finally become a profiler, JJ saw Spencer come out of the elevator. “Hey, where have you been?” JJ asked him, “I wanted to do brunch this weekend”

“I had to deal with some stuff with my mom,” he flipped through the pages in a file to avoid eye contact with his friend, “have you seen Y/N?” he finished.

“Uh, she’s at her desk I think,” Spencer sped off to your desk. “He hates me,” JJ finished.

You sat at your desk looking over case files when Spencer came rushing up to you. “Hey, Y/N,” he greeted you and looked around.

“What’s up?” You asked expecting there to be a reason he came to your desk.

“Nothing just wanted to say hi,” he saw JJ and Prentiss go into the round table room.

“Well, hi,” you laughed and followed his gaze to your two co-workers. “Ahh, I see,” you said out loud.

His head looked down at you,” what do you mean ‘ahh, I see,’?” He was obviously annoyed by your statement.

You raised your hands up in surrender, “nothing, nothing. Shall we go?” You stood up and tilted your head towards the conference room. He nodded his head.

When you guys walked in and you went to sit in an open seat next to Morgan, Spencer lightly grabbed your elbow and pulled you the opposite way and had you sit between him Emily and JJ. You just looked at him knowing what he was doing. Although you gave him a glare to indicate you didn’t like being manhandled by him, you secretly enjoyed it. You were unsure why it did it but it created a feeling in you that you were not ready to associate with your coworker. He just gave you a bit of a ‘don’t-say-anything’ glare and looked back down at the file. You rolled your eyes and felt Prentiss looking at you. You shrugged your shoulders as if to say ‘I don’t know why he just did that’.

In walked Rossi and Garcia, “look master of all things Italian, I am having a Fellini festival at my house this weekend and I must serve the beautiful food of his country.” Garcia insisted.

“Maybe you should show a Disney movie and stick with burgers,” Rossi responded, still a bit offended by the pig substitute.

“You know, Rossi, you could always give Penelope a cooking lesson,” Derek suggested.

“I could help,” you spoke up from across the table. Everyone looked at you confused, “You all act like I’m not Italian. I used to go back there every summer to visit my extended family,” you rolled your eyes and defended yourself.

“Oh my gosh that would be amazing. That would be like- that would be like the iron chef meets the BAU,” Garcia looked back and forth between you and Rossi. You felt Spencer’s eyes on you and looked at him. His scrunched up eyebrows and set jaw told you that he didn’t know that about you or maybe he forgot. You just smiled at him, and tilted your head like it was nothing.

“And we could do it at your house,” Garcia looked over at Rossi.

“I don’t have a house. I have a mansion,” he laughed.

“All right let’s get started,” Hotch instructed.

Everytime JJ talked at the round table, Reid couldn’t even look at her. He kept his gaze down and you saw the muscle in his jaw bone tighten as he clenched his it. The victims were girls who all looked the same, helping a bit to narrow down the victimology. The dump sights also helped narrow down the geographical, although nothing was ever set in stone right off the bat. Everytime Spencer spoke you could tell there was hidden meaning beneath it all directed towards JJ.

On the jet you dug in deeper into the case. You started to notice Spencer stuck close to you, as if you were an extra layer of shielding from JJ. He sat next to you and when JJ spoke he’d either look down at the files in his hands or at your files in your hand. “Dave you and I will talk to the parents.Y/LN head over with us to the police station, and get us set up. Go over what they have and talk to the detectives. Morgan and Prentiss go to the disposal sites. JJ, you and Reid to the abduction sites,” Hotch ordered. JJ gave a soft smile to Spencer and you felt him tighten up next to you, and look away from her. Her smile faded into concern and annoyance and looked at you for help. You just shrugged unsure how to help.

Once you collected all the information on the crime board at the station you helped out Hotch and Rossi at the coroner's office. Then you got the call that there was a third victim. There he burned the woman’s tongue with sulfuric acid. As you, Rossi, JJ, and Reid looked over the body. The quips JJ and Reid were throwing at each other was escalating quickly.

“— instead of dealing with it. He’s acting out,” JJ looked up at Reid as she spoke about the unsub but also meant it for Reid. If looks could inflict pain, the look Reid responded to JJ with would have seriously injured her. Spencer walked off in anger. JJ looked around for help, or maybe back up. You looked at her giving her ‘I’ll take care of it’ look and went after Spencer.

Once you caught up to him and tried to talk to him he wasn’t having it. He quickly dived into perfecting the profile and ignored all conversation about anything else. He was reinforcing the walls he built around himself.

Now back at the station, you all delivered the profile to the police force. Spencer was still not looking at JJ.

Once the profile was delivered Spencer went into the room where the BAU was working out of, JJ following him.

“Spence. Look we gotta talk about this,” JJ insisted.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he responded.

“I get it, okay? You’re disappointed with the way we handled Emily,”

“Listen I have a lot going on alright,”

“You know what I think it is, you’re mad that Hotch and I were able to hold our micro-expressions at the hospital. And you weren’t able to detect our deception,” JJ finally getting angry and defending herself.

“You think it’s about my profiling skills? Jennifer, listen the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend,” the tears beginning to well in both of their eyes, “and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.”

“I couldn’t,”

“You couldn’t or you wouldn’t,”

“I couldn’t,” she shouted and defended herself.

“What if I started taking dilaudid again. Would you have let me?” he asked.

“You didn’t,” she answered, confused why he was asking.

“Yeah, but I thought about it,” he confessed, and hurt even more that she didn’t realize how low he actually was during that time.

“Spence,” she called out as he tried to walk away, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s too late, all right?” He walked away from her.

“Reid,” Emily called for him and looked back at JJ.

You followed Spencer out the door. You knew it was risky to seek him out right now but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to try and help him. You couldn’t explain the pull he had on you right now but you usually followed your instincts and they hadn’t let you down yet.

“Spencer, wait up,” you tried to catch up to his long strides.

“Are you here to tell me off, or ask me to apologize to JJ? Because if so, don’t waste your breath. I’m not going to,” he angrily twirled around to you, which made you stop yourself before running into him.

“I wasn’t — I wasn’t going to say that. I know why you’re mad. And I think the way your acting is justified, maybe a bit immature but it’s justified,” you answered.

Spencer looked confused at your response then angrily he said “why am I acting this way then? Why am I so justified?” He was testing you in some way. If you said the wrong thing he’d yell at you too, and he would build that wall around himself so high no one would ever be allowed in again. He was hurting and right now he felt like hurting others was the only way to feel like he was in control.

“You feel betrayed. You understand why Emily had to fake her death. You understand why no one on the team was allowed to know but you don’t understand why JJ was in on it and how she kept her cool. You don’t understand how she could watch your heart break over the loss of a loved one and stand there with the knowledge to save you from all your grieving. JJ is your best friend, you trust her and love her. And best friends are supposed to help take away the pain, and you feel betrayed and taken advantage of because of that,” you finished. You could tell by the look he gave you that the wall he was building was not prepared for you to hit it so hard it cracked. His face went from openness and feeling seen, to defensive and angry at you not giving him a reason to yell at you. “You want her to understand and feel the pain she caused you. which might be why you are acting out? But when the time comes you’ll forgive her because you know deep down what you need JJ and her friendship and eventually you’ll remember all she did for you. Right now you’re hurting, but the way you get rid of that pain isn’t about being mean or hurting her, you’ll need to remember your love for your friend. And find it in yourself if you can forgive her. Am I right?” You asked him, but you already knew the answer. He let out a sigh and looked down at you. He looked at you for the first time in all his time of knowing you. You understood what he was going through more so than his closest friend, and even more so than some of his teammates who had known him for years. How could he have overlooked you for so long. He quickly looked down at your lips and the tension between you two changed. The breathing between you two became heavy and noticeable. He turned quickly and stormed off.

Eventually you all caught the unsub and saved the young girl. This time on the plane though Spencer sat in the back. He spread his stuff across the table indicating he didn’t want anyone to sit there. You took the hint, and even though you had never been close to Spencer other than him using you today for an emotional defense, you felt a coldness being away from him. A coldness, you didn’t even want to know where it would lead you.

Emily walked back to him after a short time on the plane. You could tell what she was doing and thought it was a good idea. You looked at them and analysed their behaviors. You saw the shift in them as Emily laughed for a second and from the back of Spencer you saw him move in his seat to avoid the subject. Emily leaned in as she began to explain her side of what had happened. Spencer was still mad, but by the way his shoulders sloped he was more tired than angry.

You got dressed up in one of your favorite black dresses with knee high black boots and a fancy long coat. As you pulled into the parking lot, you were a bit self conscious about what you were about to do.

You walked up the steps, found the door you were looking for, and knocked lightly. You heard some shuffling around and then heard the door unlock.

“Hey,” you spoke softly as you took in Spencer standing before you. He quickly looked you up and down and smiled, “what are you doing here? I thought you were helping Rossi teach the others how to cook?” He asked.

“Well I was, but I thought my friend might need me more tonight,” you softly smiled at him. “I was wondering if you wanted to go get something to eat,” you shyly asked, “or if you have plans, we can do something another time,” You looked at his attire and enjoyed the blue sport coat he was wearing, along with the colorful shirt under it. His hair was brushed with a light amount of product in it. It was like he was ready to go out.

“No, I was actually going to go to Rossi’s,” he admitted and you knew what that meant for him. It was more than going to Rossi’s, it was actually forgiving JJ and Emily.

“Well, I can take us, if you want,” you offered as you jingled your keys in front of him.

He gave a soft laugh, and nodded his head as he grabbed his stuff from his apartment.

“I just need to stop somewhere real quick to pick something up,” you added.

When you showed up to Rossi’s you were obviously late. But the smile on everyone’s face as Spencer walked in the room was worth it. You walked behind them with your arms wrapped around Derek and let everyone take in Spencer. You quickly handed Rossi, the cannoli’s you made and brought for desert.

After everyone said hello and got to cheers their wine glasses, it was time to cook. Instead of you cooking, Rossi decided you needed to help supervise. As you reminded everyone what the texture of the pasta had to be, and how the pancetta should look like cooked, you felt yourself always catching Spencer’s eyes and smiling.

“What’s that about?” Emily asked from behind you.

You turned startled by her, “what do you mean?”

“You and Reid, you guys came together and now you won’t keep your eyes off of each other. So what’s going on?” She asked.

You shook your head, “nothing is going on. I just gave Spencer a ride,” you responded.

“Uh-huh,” Emily skeptically looked at you. You rolled your eyes at her. Once you knew Emily wasn’t looking you slipped a glance at Spencer again and saw him smiling and laughing at something Garcia said. You couldn’t help but smile at them.

“I should say thank you,” you heard JJ say behind you.

You turned and looked at him, “why?” You asked a bit confused.

“You brought Spencer here, and he’s talking to me again. I can’t help but think you had something to do with that,” she answered.

“I didn’t do anything. He came to that conclusion on his own,” you responded.

“Well, either way, thank you for being there for him. I know he has a hard time opening up and trusting people,” she whispered. You nodded your head unsure how to respond. Out of everyone on the team you knew JJ and Emily the least as they weren’t on the team when you joined and had just returned.

As the finishing touches were put on everyone’s pasta you took a seat at Rossi’s big dinner table. You were used to sitting next to Garcia and Rossi. You expected the same people to sit near you but Spencer was quick to steal the seat where Garcia usually sat. You looked up at the young doctor standing over you as he placed a bowl of pasta in front of you. His smile told you everything. The weight of his anger had lifted and he felt rejuvenated. You gave him an odd look as he placed his glass of wine in the spot next to you. He just gave you a goofy face back. You ignored it, but you couldn’t help the feeling bubbling in your chest as you over thought him picking the seat next to you instead of next to the others like JJ, Emily or Derek.

You felt bloated after your meal but it didn’t really matter to you because you felt loved. With your Italian heritage, eating and sharing moments like this is where you felt most loved. This was no exception. You loved this BAU family that you were a part of. As the night went on and moved from the dining table to outside in Rossi’s backyard. You crawled into a loveseat couch and Spencer followed and sat next to you. You pulled a blanket off the back of the seat and draped it across you both. Spencer smiled in gratefulness.

“Say Grazie to the wonderful Y/N, for making and bringing the cannoli,” he announced and brought out the delish Italian treat.

“Oh my gosh I love cannoli,” squealed Garcia. Each person grabbed one and a silence fell over the group as they ate their cannoli. You couldn’t help but snuggle into Spencer a bit as the night moved forward and the talking kept going.

Slowly people left. Hotch was one of the first to go as he had to get back to Jack, then Derek and Garcia, next was JJ and Emily, and you and Reid.

The drive back to Spencer’s was filled with music theory facts, as the two of you got on the subject because you played your favorite songs playlist. One by one you each played songs that mean something to you. You enjoyed hearing the songs that made Spencer Reid, Spencer. They were all over the spectrum of music from classical to pop to indie to folk. You two sat in the parking lot for about an hour before you felt yourself yawning often.

“I should go so you can get home,” Spencer noted sadly.

“Unfortunately, I think you’re right,” you agreed.

“Unfortunately?” His right eyebrow was raised flirtatiously.

You blushed, “yeah, I had a fun night with you.” You looked down in embarrassment.

Spencer moved to place his hand on yours. He hesitated for a second then covered your hand. “I had a fun night too,” he admitted. You looked up at him and smiled.

“Good, because I still owe you a dinner,” you added playfully.

Spencer pulled his lips in and bit them, then let them slide out into a soft smile. “I look forward to it,” he responded.

He waited at the apartment complex entrance for you to pull away.

The memory of tonight would be one you cherished for a long time.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #david rossi #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #derek morgan #criminal minds season 7 fanfics #criminal minds imagines #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #ssa-dg

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fr3aklike-me · 2 years

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omg, i do that too it’s literally so helpful !! it puts things into perspective so well. and yes it’s so nice, i never feel like i have to say something about it but also it feels like i can say something too. IT WAS SO COOL i love that, and everyone else pretty much does that too and it’s so nice, all of my coworkers wear their pride shirts too even the straight ones. yes yes yes i don’t like the overcompensating, it feels fake (even though like you said it’s usually meant well) and it’s almost like WAY too much attention on it. it does feel dividing !! like we are all people too ! i know, they’re so sweet, they’re also paving the way for me being the first queers in the family. my grandparents on that side are extremely religious and it didn’t go well for a while, but now they’re accepting. my cousin (my aunts daughter) also had a girlfriend for a while so that makes them think it runs in the family so i hope it’ll just be normal one day. but awww i love that hahaha !! i know right, growing up and kind of being unaware that anything was going on in the world with it makes it so much crazier now to see that everything was a lot more recent than I thought. awwww that’s still such a good subtle way to hint at it though i love it. YES if you’re addressing one by name the other one is the wife hahahah it’s truly very simple ! i know, i really hate it. i’ve definitely had little crushes on men here and there but it’s never the butterflies and the daydreaming and aggressive urge to kiss them like it is for non-men. it’s almost like i still settle for a man that’s my friend, even though what i’m probably feeling is a desire to continue being close friends yknow ? awwwwh that’s literally all i want , you’re so sweet and i want you to always feel cared for. you really really deserve it <3 i hope this isn’t weird to say but yk how before people kiss sometimes they’ll put their foreheads together and look into eachothers eyes and just be close ? okay you make me feel like that, i feel like i could trust you like that. and i really really appreciate that because i don’t feel that way often and it just makes me so happy (and also wish we could actually do it LOL)

yeah he’s super cool !! awww what are your grandparents like ? HAHA omg that’s so funny, but yeah it’s just part of the journey hahaha. yessss it feels so good after ! oh that’s such a good feeling too, im so happy you were able to do that ! okay wait that made me think of another way to say whatever the fuck i was trying to say in the last paragraph bc ik it doesn’t make the most sense. i feel like i could cry in front of you, i don’t cry in front of people but that’s your skill of -loving, caring soul- hehe but i also just like to journal about my days or make lists and schedules for the next day if it’s gonna be really busy, rants, exciting things, just things like that !! i wanna do cooler journaling like how people put art or little clips from their days (concert tickets or stuff like that) ! i’ve done a couple things like that too, like i did a page of meaningful texts i got and seeing the beauty in life. i used to be really depressed but after i wasn’t anymore, it was easier to see the little things and it was the first time in a while i noticed small gestures of people !! what about you ?

yeah as a kid to say those things it’s really concerning but i just really want something to come of that case soon. it’s been way too long. omg the bermuda triangle has always confused me so much, i get so afraid when i have to fly out of the US because the plane often goes right over it. hahahha that was a funny episode, i loved that show !! i think it’s more ships, but it’s still crazy. on that note, have you ever heard of the Malaysia Airlines flight 370? it disappeared in 2014 and oh my god, it’s had me in a chokehold since i saw it on tv that day.

yeah, I really like the small town vibe and how close everyone is, it’s super cool for them to go anywhere and be known. like it still shocks me when I go to a restaurant and they know my name yknow ? oh my god yes, it was crazy how she couldn’t see it. literally Logan, Logan called her out and that’s the funniest part. he had been living that way his whole life and he could still see it. it’s almost like she became entitled to it and she completely changed. i know, it was explicitly white privilege too and honestly they all could’ve afforded to travel and learn about different cultures but they decided to spend it on galas or whatever tf. i really hope that we as a society can move past racist jokes like it’s not even funny. okay, Scientology is basically a cult for really rich people, they make you go through courses and each course costs a shit load of money and they change the courses a lot so you have to retake them, you can’t leave the cult once you’re in it otherwise they will sue you for millions and millions of dollars and it’s just a bunch of stuff like that. it’s super harmful and you have to be basically perfect all the time. a lot of people end up selling their assets too just to pay for Scientology and it’s really sad. omg, what’s the video that sounds super interesting !!

awww you’re so sweet omg. it does feel like that sometimes still, i still get asked “when are you getting a boyfriend” except my dad just asks when i’m gonna be dating, i think he knows lol. awww omg, yeah i’m really happy i came to accept it too, it’s so much better this way hahaha i don’t feel like i’m constantly doing something wrong for not having a crush on a man. proud of me ?💗😭🥺

awww that sounds so tough, especially with your mom being secretly supportive but that rly sucks having to be so secretive about yourself like that. does you mom maybe know how your dad feels ? (but also i remember my friends mom who used to be muslim still had that don’t ask don’t tell thing, she married a man just for show and had a “girlfriend” that moved kinda far away and she would go there, she told us she’d sleep with her but it didn’t mean she liked her, but one day she almost cried talking about her it was SO SAD) so it’s really unfortunate that growing up with that attitude around you and never accepting yourself can be a forever thing :( but yeah that makes sense, around family for sure but does she support you now ? even like secretly ? do you think you might ever tell you dad ?

but aww have a great day too, sorry it took so long to respond !! and happy ramadan (im sorry i don’t know if that’s the right term ahh)

-💟

omg right! writing things out and seeing them physically outlined, rather than just kind of whirling in your brain, brings such an acute kind of awareness about what's going on. and I love that your work environment is so comfortable and friendly that you feel at total ease with whatever you want to do, love that for you. and omg them wearing the pride shirts is actually just so sweet. that kind of explicit support from a group of people is just so heartwarming and welcoming. yes, yes, "paving the way" is exactly what it is. honestly, it's just so admirable to see relatives from years ago who were the first ones to come out and be open about their queerness - because, yeah, they didn't have any relatives to lean on in terms of also being queer, so they truly paved the way for us. I even have a few relatives who are out, some more public than others, and just knowing that they had the courage to be some of the first ones to do that almost makes me wanna tear up in gratitude for how strong they were, and how it gives us such support in our generation. I definitely understand the whole thing about other relatives being religious, but I'm so happy your grandparents on that side are more accepting now! it can definitely be a process sometimes, but it's always great to see people becoming more open and welcoming. OOOF the whole "it runs in the family" thing people will say gets on my nerves so much - like, if there are two heterosexual parents, and they have a heterosexual kid, no one would ever say that, so why is it being said for queer relatives? it really just needs to be more normalized. oooh, I see - yeah, like, having a platonic relationship with a guy, and the desire to be their friend sometimes gets perceived as a desire to be romantic. I feel like so much of it is how heteronormative society is in which we feel like if we have guy friends, we have to like them at some point instead of only being platonic. even my friend and me were talking about it yesterday - not this exactly, but how the media and films/shows don't give nearly as much appreciation to platonic relationships as romantic ones, even though they are so important. and omg... I literally had to put my phone down and just smile when I saw that last bit. okay, I also just reread it and am smiling again omg. it's not weird at all. I actually am so touched you actually expressed that feeling to me so honestly, I'm actually feeling extremely honoured rn. like lkdjfkfj I'm actually combusting rn - I am so, so fucking happy you feel that trusting towards me. and I am literally gushing rn bc forehead touches are my literal weakness. I also now feel so comforted by all your responses and your company. you're so sweet and attentive, and I just feel so comfortable and warm when I see you've sent a message. trust me, I wish I could put my forehead against yours and stroke your cheeks dkfkfjjd

oooh, so my grandparents - I am much closer to my mom's parents. and my grandfather on that side is super goofy in the best way, he loves calling me by this nickname and will try to dance in the living room when we visit. and my grandmother is literally one of the kindest souls in this world. she is so caring, gentle and understanding, and is so thoughtful and motherly - literally everyone loves her. dfjkdfj omg I am actually tearing up rn thinking of her ahhh. really should call her soon. and she's very sensitive, which I relate to, and just - ugh, I love them. and omg, what you said in the last paragraph - I definitely understood what you meant, and am still feeling so moved by it rn, especially bc it's so intimate and trusting. and omg, like 🥺 it actually is making my heart swell up rn that you feel that comfortable and trusting with me. like, I am actually so touched that you feel that trusting with me. thank you. it seriously means the world to me that you'd feel trusting enough to be so vulnerable with me, means the world to me.

omg, I love that! I feel like journalling is the best that way, when it's totally freeform and you write whatever you're in the mood for that day. it totally takes the pressure off. omg, if you're comfortable telling me, what kind of things do you like to rant about in your journal? things like shows, movies, music? or like, things on your mind? omg you definitely should try the art and ticket pasting! it's so nostalgic and beautiful to look back on. whoa, and the meaningful texts pages sound so fucking cool omg, I love that you did that. and I'm sorry to hear you struggled with that in the past. and I'm so happy that you find yourself being able to notice the beauty in little things now too. <3 and for me, I also journal sometimes with prompts or guided questions, and other days rants, and some days just a single sentence about my day. I'm also working on a scrapbook rn for the year 2021 and also want to do the thing where I paste on art, text and tickets onto pages, hehe.

omg, honestly, I'd be a bit scared too. I need to read more on it though, because I don't know much about it all and I think it sounds so interesting to learn about. AYEEE YOU WATCH "SUITE LIFE"? I love both of the shows, they were my absolute childhood omg omg. and I haven't heard about the Malaysia airlines! was it a flight that had vanished? things like that really gnaw at my head, it's totally understandable you felt so invested bc there are so many unanswered questions with cases like that

your town is like that? that is so fucking cute and sweet, how the people at the restaurant know your name. is your area pretty close-knitted, like is everyone pretty familiar and knowing of each other? LMAO RIGHT I LOVED LOGAN IN THAT MOMENT. bc he straight up told her, she is just as privileged and worse is that she denies it. and, for sure, there's definitely lots of white privilege in it. like, a complete disregard for other cultures, foods, traditions, etc. there's one episode where Lane's mom wants her to wear a traditional Korean dress, and everyone is, like, disgusted by it and that made me so mad. like, they only were revolted by it bc it didn't look like a Western wedding dress, I thought it was so beautiful. and it just sends such a bad message about traditional wear to POC who watch it. exactly, and what'd you think of the revival? it went even worse omg. damnnnn, wtf, my mouth just opened in surprise. Scientology just sounds so extensive and overbearing, like all of the courses, and the attempts to make members perfect, then being unable to leave?? it's so scary wtf, and really eery how they're trying to make them all "perfect." and here is the video! although, warning, it does depict violent scenes in the film, forced marriage, and literally opens with a brutal and violent shot.

oooh, I see, kind of people still expecting you to date a guy. and omg, I'm so glad to hear your dad frames it in a way more gender neutral way! and I love that for you, it's so freeing to just totally relish in your queerness without feeling like you're doing something wrong. and omg, of course I'm proud of you <3 it takes so much effort and strength to get to place of acceptance, and the fact that you have worked to become more proud and comfortable with who you like is something worth celebrating, it's amazing

for sure - like, my mom is supportive, like, where she works. but, then, if there's a chance one of her kids will be out and proud, and potentially face getting cut off by relatives, then I think she gets much more scared and encourages secrecy to avoid that. so, my parents are divorced now, so bc of that, it's a bit harder for her to know at this point how he feels. and that story - yes, exactly, that happens so, so much in the community - a queer person entering a marriage with someone they don't love, and it's just so fucking sad because they're in a relationship, sometimes for so many years, that they feel no genuine romantic love for. yeah, it's actually extremely sad, bc then, some people spend their lives never having that acceptance. she does support me more now, and a few months ago, promised she'd back me up on if I came out publicly to my family, but she still shows hesitation pretty often, so I think she goes back and forth. and it's out of fear, yeah, but it's like, I'm not doing anything wrong, so I should be the one she's supporting, you know? and I definitely do want to tell my dad, but it might be later in the future, like if I move out or get a partner - might happen before, but I'm waiting for a good chance.

omg it's totally okay! and "Ramadan Mubarak" and "happy Ramadan" both work, thank you so much! it's well... it's going LMAO I'm excited for the fast to be done in, like, ten minutes. how was your day?

also, just know that when I write you messages back, I am carrying the energy of someone in the Victorian era writing out a letter and spritzing my perfume on it before sending it with a dove.

#answered asks #💟 anon

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worldwidemochiguy · 4 years

Text

expectation ≠ reality (18+)

When you first met Jungkook, he was so kind, with wide eyes and a sweet smile, but soon enough he dragged you into a tumultuous marriage where you were barely allowed to draw breath on your own. But, when you meet Taehyung, the cute delivery boy with blond hair and a penchant for flirting, you start to wonder if you’ve found your second chance.

Masterlist

Warnings: Yandere behaviour, possessive behaviour, slight dub-con, graphic penetrative sex, DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE A MINOR pls im not tryna get arrested or anything

Word Count: 4K

a/n: thanks to @gucieguciekook for requesting !! hope u enjoy lol <3

Expectation ≠ Reality

You have had enough.

From the moment you agreed to marry him, Jungkook had been getting steadily worse and worse. He had always been possessive to a fault, but you mistakenly saw it as a sign he truly cared and treasured you. You cooed over his obsession with littering hickeys all over your neck, blushed when he called you ‘Mine. Only mine.’ When he asked you to move in way too quickly, you thought it was a sign he was committed to your relationship.

How wrong you were.

Not that he isn’t committed, of course. God, if there was ever a word to describe Jeon Jungkook, it was committed. He is obsessed with you. He slowly started cutting you off from the outside world, persuading you to stay in when your friends invited you out, and convincing you they were terrible people when they inevitably stopped interacting with you. You had cut out everyone else in your life because of him.

Your parents:

babe, they don’t approve of our relationship because they don’t want you to be happy with your own life, they want to control you and treat you like a kid. you don’t need them anyway, you have me.

Your coworkers:

i called in sick for you today, babe. you don’t need to go there anymore, i have more than enough money for the both of us.

Even your pet:

your cat? oh, i’m sorry baby, she got hit by a car. no, don’t cry, baby, now you can give all of your attention to me instead of that rancid furball.

Jungkook had isolated you and exhausted you to the point where you agreed to marry him, convinced it could not make your life any worse.

Again, you were wrong.

With his ring on now your finger, Jungkook is even more assured of his ownership of you. You are no longer allowed to cook or go into the garden, both deemed as dangerous activities where you could somehow be harmed by a vegetable peeler, or maybe grass cuttings. You have no access to the internet, and the only books you are permitted to read are simple, dull books with no plot or dusty old historical text books, obviously the only things Jungkook is certain wouldn’t give you ‘silly ideas to confuse your pretty little head.’

~~~~

“Jungkook,” You murmur, voice muffled as he presses your face into the pillow.

“Yeah, baby, say my name just like that.” He grunts, attempting to tug off your skirt with one hand while the other is fisted in your hair. You roll your eyes and shift your weight so he can take it off properly. After he had separately ripped all your pants at some point in his haste to take them off you, you had realised it was simply easier to wear something less finicky.

As soon your lower half is bared for him, he starts running his large palms greedily over your skin, for his own benefit rather than yours.

“Fuck, look at you.” He mutters, before digging a thumb into a bruise he had left on your ass. You yelp and he chuckles lowly behind you. Just as you expect, he presses firmly on the bruise and you clench your teeth, burying your nails in your palms and refusing to make a noise. He waits for a second, but you remain stubbornly silent.

“Huh,” he says, “I guess baby’s pain threshold has risen a bit, yeah?” He strokes a possessive hand between your shoulder blades and you repress a shiver, before he loops his arm around you and lifts you onto your hands and knees.

“I guess I’ll just have to fuck you harder then.” He resolves, before shoving himself into you roughly.

Jungkook is not small, putting it lightly, though you hate to afford any kind of praise to that bastard. He is long, and thick, and you really hadn’t been very turned on at all, just letting him do what he wanted so that he’d leave you alone, so you don’t blame yourself too much when a scream bursts out of your lips. You can barely hear his smug laugh behind you over the burning sensation in your core. He doesn’t give you any time at all to adjust, roughly pumping himself in and out as you try to hold in your whimpers.

“So fucking tight, baby.” He grunts in your ear, punctuating his words with harsh slaps against your thigh, “You sure you can handle my cock?” This is his offer: Admit that I’m hurting you, admit that you’re weak and at my mercy, and I’ll stop. That’s all you have to do.

You clench your teeth and press your face into the pillow again.

He sighs behind you, though you can tell he’s quietly pleased, before pulling out of you and walking away. Him yanking out and leaving you roughly stretched and exposed to the cold air is almost as painful as when he shoved into you in the first place, and when he returns you resent yourself for feeling the slightest hint of relief.

He is carrying a bottle of lube, normally used for when he decides he wants to fuck your ass instead. You tense up, preparing to swallow your pride and beg him not to — it’s been a while and you’re not sure you can take the pain — but he senses your fear and smirks.

“Don’t worry baby, I’m just gonna make it a bit easier for you.” As he speaks, he’s slicking up his cock and soon enough he’s getting back up on his knees and taking ahold of your hips, pushing himself in slightly gentler this time.

The coolness of the gel soothes — but doesn’t eradicate — the burn and Jungkook has started to move in long, rolling strokes inside you that are almost pleasant.

“See, baby?” Jungkook coos as his hands move around to stroke your stomach, “I don’t want to hurt you, you have to know that. I hate hurting you, but you never tell me to stop. You have to know your limits, baby girl. You’re just not strong enough.”

His words — though patronising, and awful, and the kind of thing that make you want to whack him in the neck with one of those massive historical tomes he provides you — are spoken in that soft, Jungkook tone that he used to make you fall in love with him. It reminds you of those days when he was just Kookie, your cute study partner with a bunny smile and a pretty singing voice and broad muscly shoulders that flushed along with the rest of his body when you complimented him.

The Jungkook that you know him as now — the one swiftly bringing you to a reluctant and resentful orgasm — is the opposite of soft. He is rough and impulsive and controlling and you honestly fear what would happen if you tried to ask him for a divorce. He wouldn’t let you go, probably. He’d just laugh at you, and then shove you down and fuck you to make you remember who you really belonged to, like he is doing now.

You try to contain your pants as Jungkook starts a series of staccato thrusts. You are sure Jungkook would hear you, even over the obscene sound of his hips slapping into the back of your thighs, and would be obnoxiously proud about it for the next month. He would already be smug enough having made you come, which you have given up trying to stave off because Jungkook — damn him — is really good at fucking you until you can’t remember your own name.

He reaches around to pinch your clit harshly and you decide that now is as good a time as any to give up your last remaining vestiges of pride. You come with a piercing whine, clenching around him rhythmically until his hips stutter and you feel the unpleasant sensation of warmth spilling into you. He doesn’t stop, pumping every last drop into you and then dropping on top of you, pinning your body to the mattress.

After a while he rearranges himself so that he is spooning you, arms wrapped stiflingly tight around your waist, and his now-flaccid cock still tucked inside you. You grimace. Jungkook had always fallen fast asleep after sex, but now you are wide awake, hyperaware as he snores behind you. You don’t know what you’ve become. You hate him. But sometimes he says things that make you wish he wasn’t a monster, that make you wish he was the boy with soft smiles and expressive eyes that you had fallen in love with. You live for the resurgences of that humanity, because it is the only thing you have to look forward to, apart from the eventual day when Jungkook finally snaps and kills you.

~~~~

“Jungkook,” you say over breakfast, and he looks up with his cheeks full of pancake.

“Yes, my angel?” He asks, eyes twinkling — he loves when you say his name — and your breath catches, and for a second everything is perfect and you are having breakfast across from a boy who loves you more than anything. And then you see the annoyed glint in his eye — you hadn’t immediately answered his question — and you come crashing back to bitter reality.

“I-” You start, then stop, unsure of how to phrase the question into a compliment, that way Jungkook is more likely to give you what you want.

“Say what you want to say, baby. You know how I hate to be kept waiting…” He gives you a shark’s smile.

“I… I really loved all the books you gave me.” You tell him, making sure your voice is exactly the correct tone of gushing admiration.

“Really?” He replies, a pleased expression on his face as he strokes your hair back gently.

“Yes, and I- I was wondering if maybe… I could have some more?”

His hand drifts down to rest at the hollow of your throat. It curls slightly.

“N-not that I’m not grateful-” You stammer, “B-But… I liked them all so much I read them too quickly, and now I have nothing else to do with you’re gone.” You end the statement with a playful pout, and you feel your self-loathing level up a notch.

“Baby, you have to remember to take your time with things like that.” Jungkook grinned, standing up and getting his briefcase. You move to the door where you are supposed to administer a farewell kiss before he goes to work, just like always.

He smiles, satisfied, before looking sideways slightly so you can get up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. He reaches around to squeeze your ass quickly, smirking when you squeak in shock.

“Don’t be greedy baby, take what you’re given.” He tosses a ‘Love you!’ over his shoulder as he goes, and when you call it back the words taste sour on your tongue. You wonder if you had ever uttered those words sincerely.

~~~~

You had been thinking Jungkook had forgotten about your request for books, so when the doorbell rings at six o clock and you answer it to see a cute delivery boy with a bundle of books tucked under his arm, you are surprised to say the least.

“D-Delivery for Jeon Jungkook?” He stutters, and you had been expecting him to have a slightly high, nervous voice so the deep, thick drawl shocks you in more ways than one. You can feel yourself melt just looking at him. His eyes are so… innocent, just like Jungkook’s when you first saw him. His nose cutely scrunches as his blond hair — longer than Jungkook’s — falls in soft clumps over his eyes. He huffs a lopsided breath and the light strands flutter about momentarily, before settling back just where they were. You think you’ve fallen in love.

You realise you’ve been staring at him this entire time, but to be fair, he has been staring right back, and you feel yourself become flustered.

“Uh, yeah, that’s me. That’s my package.”

“Sorry ma’am,” He starts in his honey voice, before grinning. He seems to gain confidence due to your flustered state. “-but this package is addressed to a Mr Jeon Jungkook, and you certainly don’t look like a ‘Mr’.” He mutters as his eyes drag up and down your form. You are only in your nightie — Jungkook always likes it when you wear pretty, flimsy things — and this stranger’s gaze is making you blush in a way you know Jungkook wouldn’t be happy about.

“Yeah, that’s… uh, that’s my husband. Jeon Jungkook.”

“Your husband, huh?” The delivery boy does not seem put off by the mention of a husband, in fact, he seems almost spurred on by it. “And where is Mr Jeon Jungkook right now?”

“He’s working late. He would normally be back by now but he called and said he’s spending the night at the office.”

“Working late, huh?” The delivery boy repeats in that cocky drawl, and oddly enough, it reminds you of Jungkook. “You know, if I had a wife like you waiting for me to come home, I don’t know if I’d even make it out of bed long enough to go to work in the morning, let alone stay there overnight.”

Your eyes widen as your cheeks darken, and his open, bright laughter is the nicest thing you’ve heard in months.

“What happened to the nervous delivery boy?” You spluttered indignantly, and his laughing slowed down, though his eyes were still twinkling. Just like Jungkook’s used to do.

“He relaxed when he realised you were just as affected by him as he was by you.”

“Who says I’m affected by you?” You ask boldly, and then immediately retreat a step when he moves towards you.

“You’re giving yourself away, sweetheart.” He smirks, before advancing another step into your home. “You know… empty house… husband at work… it seems a waste not to use this opportunity.” He waggles his eyebrows at you, and you scoff, forcing him back with both hands until he is outside the door again. He lets you push him with a brow raised lazily.

“That sounded like a line from a bad porno, and I’m pretty sure Jungkook would literally kill me if he found out.” You fake a laugh, covering up your very real and valid fear that Jungkook would actually kill you.

“Jungkook’s the possessive type, huh?”

Yes, you scream internally.

“Well, I’m pretty sure no husband would like delivery boys sleeping with their wives.”

“What about delivery boys visiting their wives during the day?”

You pause, hands floating in midair, about to take the parcel out of the delivery boy’s hands.

“Huh?”

“I could come around in the day while your husband’s at work-” He sped up when you raised your brows, “-not to do anything, or at least, anything that you’re uncomfortable with, but just to talk. I can tell you’re lonely.” You scoff and roll your eyes, ignoring the fact that he’s absolutely correct. You turn back to him, ready to decline his offer, when you see his puppy eyes. Your resolve crumbles.

“I don’t know,” You had no way of telling what punishments Jungkook would submit you to if he found out. He didn’t even let you talk to your parents, so you could hardly imagine he’d be pleased with you chatting to young, attractive men while alone at your house.

“Come on!” The delivery boy wheedled. “He’d never know. He’s practically asking for it, he leaves you alone day after day, all you have for company are these stupid books!” A dismissive gesture to the collection of Austen, Dickens and Shakespeare you are carrying. “Aren’t you bored? Don’t you want a little excitement?”

You tiredly fumble around for an excuse.

“I don’t even know your name.”

“My name’s Taehyung.” He introduces himself promptly. “I’d like to visit you tomorrow at lunch time, if that’s alright.”

“You sure you don’t have a delivery then?” You ask hopefully.

“I don’t.”

You release a weary sigh.

“You’re going to come no matter what I say, aren’t you?” He responds with a blinding grin.

“I love that we’re learning things about each other! You can already anticipate my actions,” He starts listing off ‘facts’ on his fingers, “you know my name, I know you’re trapped in an unsatisfying marriage-”

“I’ll see you tomorrow Taehyung.” You shut the door firmly, cutting him off.

You hear a muffled ‘can’t wait!’ from the other side of the door and if you happen to blush and giggle like a lovesick schoolgirl it doesn’t matter because no one else is there and therefore it cannot be proved.

~~~~

Taehyung starts paying you regular visits. He keeps up his job obligations even when he’s off the clock, bringing you food that Jungkook wouldn’t let you eat, newspapers since Jungkook doesn’t let you know what was going on in the outside world, and even snapshots of his day.

Taehyung is an aspiring photographer. He has a small apartment outside of the city and an obsession with strawberries and a dog called Yeontan. He has a life, a life that you are desperately beginning to yearn for. Taehyung tells you once that he wishes he could take a photo of you outside, because he knows this perfect spot — a field full of wildflowers and sunshine that would compliment your beauty perfectly — and you burst into tears.

You tell him, as he rocks you gently in his arms, that you are trapped by Jungkook. That you hate your husband more than anything. That you can’t remember the last time you felt the sun on your skin. And so, quietly, carefully, the two of you begin to plot.

It is not as simple as calling the police. Jungkook has enough money that there is no crime he cannot buy his way out of, no officer he cannot bribe into submission. No, you have to disappear completely. You begin passing along your possessions to Taehyung so he can take them back to his place, gradually, so that Jungkook doesn’t notice you are withdrawing from his life one pair of shoes at a time.

You daren’t risk taking any money of Jungkook, but Taehyung tells you it isn’t a problem, which is slightly strange since you know Taehyung must have quit his delivery boy job so that he could see you every day, and surely he could do with some extra cash. You tell yourself it’s sweet that he doesn’t care about material things, he just cares about you.

“What are these?” Jungkook asks one morning, when he is greeted not with eggs sunny side up and a kiss, but a stack of papers.

“A divorce contract.” You tell him, trying to ignore the waver in your voice. He only raises an eyebrow at you, and you blanch.

You had been expecting yelling, threats, maybe even violence. Taehyung had begged you to just leave without a trace, and abandon Jungkook to his own horrid life of loneliness, but you just can’t do that, even if it is the safer option. There is still a small, pathetic part of you that clings to the idea of Kookie, the boy with wire-rimmed glasses and carefree smiles who always accepted your help with questions he couldn’t answer. Even though you know that side of him is now long-dead, if it ever even existed in the first place.

However, Jungkook is currently subverting all of your expectations. He sits there calmly, leafing through the papers.

“These don’t make any sense.” He remarks. You attempt to snatch them back, but he holds them out of your reach.

“Yes, well, I wasn’t really expecting you to read them.” You reply, embarrassed. The fake contract had been your idea, a way of telling Jungkook you wanted a divorce without actually saying the words. Of course, you had expected him to fling them into the fire, or something equally as dramatic, not read through them carefully and snort at all the typos.

“I understand.” He declares eventually. “You want my attention, so you’re pretending that you want to leave me. Very funny, baby.”

“That’s not true!” You burst out, cheeks burning. “I am leaving you, divorce contract or not.”

“Hush, baby, you know I don’t like it when you lie.” Jungkook purrs, his eyes burning dangerously.

“I don’t care what you like anymore, Jungkook.” You respond, suddenly furious, “I’ve spent so many years as your wife, being terrified by you, being controlled and miserable. Now I’ve got Taehyung, and I’m finally happy! I love him, Jungkook, not you. I’m leaving.”

You turn away and storm to the door, but hesitate when you hear Jungkook chuckle.

“If you think you are liberating yourself by going to Kim Taehyung… you are wrong, baby.”

“H-How do you know his family name?” You ask, fear starting to invade your mind.

“I know a lot of things about Mr Kim,” Jungkook spits, and his anger starts to bleed through. “He is not who you think he is, baby. Are you sure you want to go?” His patronising tone is the last straw for you.

“I’d rather die than stay here with you.”

“Who knows, baby, Mr Kim might just fulfil your wish.” You blanch again, hesitating with your hand on the lock, a breath away from freedom.

“Y-You’re just trying to scare me.” You stutter, and you hear him sigh behind you.

“No, baby, I’m trying to warn you, but you insist on being so, so dumb. I don’t like to see you hurt, remember? But, if this will teach you a lesson about how lucky you are to have me, I guess I’ll have to let you go. Just remember, baby, when you’re with him and it’s not all you expect it to be, I will be coming for you.” As he speaks, he rises from his seat and moves across the room until he is right behind you, his breath ghosting on the back of your neck as you stubbornly refuse to turn, hand still poised on the latch.

“I’m not coming back.” You whisper, and you feel a huff of laughter against your neck.

“No, baby, I’ll rescue you, and take you back. I promise, you’ll be counting the days until you’re in my arms again.”

~~~~

Jungkook watches from the window as your harried form disappears into the distance. Cursing softly to himself, he turns on his phone and pulls up a number he is loathe to possess.

“So, she left you, huh?” A cocky voice drawls across the line.

“Shut it, Kim.” Jungkook snaps, “She’s still my wife, she still belongs to me.”

“Oh? You didn’t sign the divorce papers?”

“Yes, very funny by the way, Kim. ‘I hereby announce that Kim Taehyung has been our mother’s favourite from the moment of his conception.’ You should’ve become a comic instead of a criminal.” Jungkook reads a line from the fake files.

“Well, I could say the same to you, baby brother, allowing your wife to leave you like this. It’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in years.”

“Half-brother.” Jungkook growls. “And she hasn’t left me.”

“The tracker I planted on her begs to differ.”

“She’s just…” Jungkook huffs, “Confused.”

“No, she’s just got good taste, obviously.”

“You really are pathetic, stealing your little brother’s toys like this, hyung.” Jungkook taunts. “Soon, very soon, I’m going to come and get her back. I better not find her too broken when I get there.”

Jungkook hangs up, mutters a curse under his breath, and then starts planning the inevitable gang war he’s going to have to embroil himself in because his wife can’t keep her damn legs closed.

#yandere #Yandere jungkook #yandere bts #yandere jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook #jungkook x reader #yandere kpop #yandere taehyung #yandere taehyung x reader #bts taehyung #bts taehyung x reader #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts fanfiction #bts smut #jungkook smut

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tamakeey · 4 years

Text

there are children present (pt. 1)

doctor! ushijima wakatoshi x doctor! reader

ushijima is was your typical pediatrician at the miyagi health clinic

the only difference is he’s 6′2 and very beefy which is pretty funny when he’s surrounded by kid-size furniture everyday

his rough exterior scares his patients at times but everyone in the pediatrics department knows he’s a real softie on the inside

everyone until y/n joins the pediatrics team at the miyagi health clinic

on her first day of work, y/n lost her way around the big building

she looked in all directions hoping someone would see her confused stares and help a poor girl out

luckily ushijima spotted the girl while she was looking down at her phone, seeing the message her supervisor had sent her yesterday about the wing she would be working in

however, in y/n’s eyes, seeing a giant walking towards her with an intimidating aura made the girl shiver in her hospital clogs

as ushijima grew closer to her, she flinched in fear, and began chanting words along the lines of “pls spare me”

when ushijima saw her visibly shaking in his presence, his face morphed into one of confusion

in his mind he was questioning do I really scare people that much

he took a deep breath and mustered up the most gentle, nurturing voice he could to speak to the woman

“I apologize if I startled you, it was never my intention. you just looked lost and I thought you would need some of my assistance” ushijima said shyly

y/n feels terrible having misjudged his intentions and forms a look of guilt on her face after hearing him speak to her, having a minor yachi panicking moment

“I’m so sorry, I’m just nervous around new people. I would greatly appreciate some help finding my way to the pediatrics department please. I would hate to be late on my first day” y/n responds while craning her neck upwards to look at the tower man

ushijima nods, letting out a quiet “follow me” as he led her to the department he works in everyday

as they arrive to the pediatrics department, y/n is in awe at the miniature chairs and table fit for toddlers, chalkboard cluttered with doodles, and small toys in the waiting area

suddenly she hears the receptionist greet ushijima from the counter

“ahh hello yamagata, I see you came into the office earlier than usual today” ushijima replies stoically, proceeding to scan his card into the door, allowing him access to the department

y/n begins to question how he has access to the pediatrics department, believing he worked in a different department and only helped to guide her to where she needed to go

as she goes in, she is greeted by her supervisor

however, she did not expect for her supervisor to be a grumpy old man with the bushiest eyebrows she has ever seen

“hello, you must be y/n. I am your supervisor tanji washijou. I see you have met our top pediatrician, Dr. Ushijima Wakatoshi” the elder greeted the poor girl whose soul has suddenly left her body

not only did she misjudge ushijima when he was trying to help her, he’s also her coworker

“you will be assigned a nurse who will be your partner working here. your patients are now their patients, so it’s best to get to know your nurse as you will have to work together to help the patients that come in” washijou continues

the girl nods as she follows washijou down a long hall to an office area where she sees the room section off into cubicles that are labeled with a name plate for each pediatrician

y/n spots the cubicle that has her name plastered on one of its walls and walks towards it

“I see you have found your cubicle, this is where you will work when you have no appointments, whether it’s looking at documents and analyzing test results, all that will happen in here” washijou explains

y/n nods signifying that she understood the elder’s words and began looking around her cubicle, imagining the personal items she may store here to make it feel cozier

washijou brings her out of her thoughts as he walks out the door, informing the young woman that he will be bringing her assigned nurse to her cubicle so they could get to know one another.

as y/n is unpacking her work bag, she hears the door open which causes her to see who is entering office area

she sees two men walking towards her, one immensely tall and the other shorter in comparison to the giant he stands next to

the shorter male has noticeable ash blonde hair with darker tips, although he looks tough, she notices a comforting aura surrounding him which makes her less frightened than her previous encounters

the taller male, for sure intimidated the poor new girl he’s 6′2 with dark ginger hair and although he is on the lankier side, his resting face is what causes the girl to avoid his piercing stare

as they stop in front of the girl, she realizes these are the nurses that have been assigned to her

“hello, my name is semi eita. I am a registered nurse who has been here for a few years. I look forward to getting to know you and working along side you” the shorter male introduces himself

y/n notices his gentle, deep voice that has put her in a calmer state as she replies “good morning, I am y/n y/l/n, I am excited to work with you as well and hope we can build a closer bond as we work alongside one another”

noticing the poor girl fiddling with her fingers as she glances at his taller counterpart, semi begins once again, “this is kawanishi taichi, he is currently fulfilling his residency requirements under my supervision, so he will also be working fairly close beside you”

“I look forward to working with you” kawanishi speaks for the first time in his lazy tone while bowing to the girl

“thank you, I hope to provide a good learning experience for you” y/n responds, bowing back to the tall boy

soon, the door is being opened again, and y/n sees ushijima walking in with a tall red head wearing blue scrubs

“I’m just saying wakatoshi-kun, the content within the jump magazines are more amusing than the ads” the tall red head asserts

ushijima nods and then approaches the trio standing at y/n’s cubicle

“hello Dr. y/l/n, this is my nurse tendou satori. I apologize, he’s a little bit on the loud side” ushijima says quite bluntly

“wakatoshi-kun, that’s very harsh to say. I’m hurt” tendou replies

y/n giggles before responding back, “pleasure to meet you tendou, I hope to be able to get to know you better while working in the same department with you”

the rest of the day was spent with the five getting to know each other due to the slow day in the office and none of them having any appointments for the day

during the next few months, y/n is forming close bonds with those she met on her first day (minus washijou) and adjusting to her job phenomenally

getting to know her patients, noting all their symptoms, and diagnosing them in a fairly quick manner

leading her to be fairly popular in the office as many parents are bringing their children to her office

ushijima, although very efficient in analyzing his patients’ records and diagnosing his patients very quickly, struggles with communicating to them in a manner that would not scare them off

especially today, when one toddler in particular was not fond of his scary appearance

the little boy had walked into the checkup room, holding his mother’s hand

his bangs cut in a slant direction (they’re basically uneven and looks like the hypotenuse of a triangle, I suck with descriptions so I’m hoping you all know I'm talking about shirabu LOL)

when tendou walked in to take the child’s temperature and blood pressure, the child was struggling to remain calm as a towering red headed male with crazy eyes kept looking at him dead on

after taking the necessary data on the child, tendou says quite animatedly “alright shirabu, Dr. Ushijima will be with you shortly, make yourself comfortable and help yourself to some books in the bucket”

shirabu’s mother hands him a little book which leads him to flipping through the pages and pointing at the cute animals within it

once an a while having to blow his uneven bangs out his eyes

all of a sudden the door opens and when shirabu looks up, his whole face pales and tears begin gathering in his eyes

to shirabu, a giant, mean looking man stands in front of him, ready to yell at him, kill him, or anything horrible in-between

before ushijima could let a word out, shirabu begins to sob loudly on the examination table

ushijima stops walking towards shirabu, as his mom reaches out to console him

as shirabu’s mother is trying to comfort him and tell him how ushijima is here to make sure he's healthy, shirabu continues to sob louder and repeatedly scream “but he’s so scary”

ushijima freezes on the spot

usually when children are frightened of him their parents are able to calm them down

but shirabu is relentless and stubbornly continues to cry to his little toddler bum’s desire

ushijima excuses himself from the room, stating that he will be back shortly, shutting the door behind him

outside the examination room, ushijima was silently panicking

why was I cursed with such a big body

why do people always think my facial expression is scary, it’s just my resting face

I’m not mad at least 98% of the time

I just want the kids to feel safe and comfortable to tell me their problems so I can fix them as fast as possible :(

as he was having an internal conversation with himself, y/n walks by and notices the distress on his face

she begins to grow concern for the man, she’s grown to know as a giant teddy bear

yes she caught feels for him within the past few months

semi and kawanishi never let her live it down, making it their mission to fluster her on the subject at least once a day

she walks over to the conflicted giant, but not before noticing the three nurses around the corner staring at her with a smirk on each of their faces

ofc tendou is in that upside down position (y'all know which one I’m talking about)

rolling her eyes at her three spectators, she turned back to ushijima to deal with his internal crisis

“Ushijima, did you need help with something?” y/n asked as she approached him

“no, I do not understand why my latest patient is so afraid of me. I did not even get to speak a word before he started screaming. usually I at least get one word in” ushijima replies as the cries of shirabu could still be heard through the door

y/n winces at the boy’s shrill cries but is also impressed that it is able to resonate past the wooden door

“did you want me to try to talk to the patient first? hopefully, get him to ease into you” y/n offered

ushijima nodded curtly, handing y/n the patient’s information which she glances over fairly quick

y/n takes a deep breath and opens the door, which causes the cries to come at a higher volume

shirabu opens his eyes after hearing the door open, thinking the scary tall man came back to kill him only to be greeted by a smaller woman with gentle eyes

the child halts his cries, but the tears keep falling silently

y/n grabs some tissues from the counter and wipes the poor boy’s face which is red from all his sobs

she crouches down to the boy’s height and smiles gently at him

“hey little guy, I’m Dr. y/l/n. I heard you’re being a brave little boy visiting the doctor today” y/n speaks in a nurturing voice

shirabu nods shyly, still tucked away in his mother’s arms

“I promise you Dr. Ushijima is nothing you should be scared of, he’s the best doctor in the building who will help you feel better” y/n explains gently to the boy who shakes his head in his mother’s shoulder

“he’s giant and scary” shirabu speaks for the first time while fiddling with his smol bby fingers

“I'll let you in on a secret little guy” y/n whispers towards shirabu

being the curious child he is, shirabu lets go of his mother and scoots his little bum towards the edge of the examination table to listen in on the secret

“Dr. Ushijima looks scary, but he’s really gentle and soft. just think of him as a soft teddy bear because really that's all he is” y/n whispers making the little boy giggle thinking of the tall mean doctor dressed as a soft bear

“with that said, will you be okay to see Dr. Ushijima now?” y/n asks

shirabu nods with the picture of his doctor dressed as a bear freshly engraved into his mind

y/n nods and bows to shirabu’s mother before stepping out of the examination room to fetch the giant pediatrician

“he’s ready to see you now, he might actually be very excited” y/n informs ushijima

ushijima nods, takes a deep breath, and walks into the room shirabu is in

shirabu look up to the tall doctor, eyes still slightly glassy from his previous crying session

although he is still shaking in his child boots (shoes? sneakers? whatever shoes your heart desires)

he refrains from screaming out, imagining the big man as a teddy bear like he has been for the past couple minutes

“hello, I am Dr. Ushijima and I am here to help you fix your problems” the giant doctor voices out, still nervous on the inside

after half and hour of speaking to shirabu, ushijima concludes that the poor boy just jammed his fingers and just needs to tape them

“may I ask what you were doing that caused you to jam your fingers?” ushijima asks gently

the boy shakily replies “I was setting the volleyball to my friend but my timing was off”

ushijima eyes light up at the mention of volleyball as he ask incredulously, “you play volleyball?”

the child nods timidly as ushijima gets a glint in his eyes that is unfamiliar to the poor boy

“I played in high school, I was a wing spiker” ushijima replies causing the child’s eyes to also light up

“really, that’s so cool. I’ve been watching old clips from high school nationals and the wing spiker on shiratorizawa is amazing. he has so much power, I wish to set for him someday” shirabu rambles before he looks at ushijima and recognizes him from the videos he’s been watching

“WOAH YOU WERE THE ACE OF SHIRATORIZAWA FROM THE VIDEOS I WATCHED?!?” shirabu exclaims with stars shining in his eyes

ushijima chuckles and hums a positive answer causing the little boy to spitfire questions to the man such as:

how many points did you score each game?

did you ever break the floor with your serve?

has anyone ever broken a bone from your deadly spike?

shirabu’s mom began to scold shirabu for bombarding ushijima with too many questions making the poor toddler bow his head in shame and slap his chubby cheeks with his own hands as a self-punishment

ushijima seeing the poor inflict pain on himself began to panic and continuously ask the boy to stop hurting himself

“I would love to answer your questions sometime but I have a patient coming in 20 minutes but feel free to contact me through my email or phone number on the clinic website if you want to continue talking about volleyball. I see you have a great interest for it” ushijima says making shirabu look up adorned with red cheeks and starry eyes

shirabu nods eagerly asking his mom to help him use the computer when he gets home so he can talk to ushijima

“I also wouldn't mind coaching you on my off days. I haven’t played volleyball in a long time so please toss for me sometime” ushijima says crouching down to the shirabu’s height and giving him a small smile

said boy squeals in excitement and claps his little hands together

“THANK YOU SO MUCH DR. USHIJIMA” shirabu exclaims, going in and giving ushijima a hug

shirabu’s mom could definitely be heard in the background lecturing shirabu on his manners and personal space

but ushijima doesn’t mind

in fact, he is touched that a patient feels so comfortable with him and enjoys his presence

releasing himself from shirabu’s hug he then speaks, “well then I’ll be off, I hope to hear from you soon”

shirabu hops off the examination table and bows to the tall man and exclaims, “yes, thank you for everything, doctor”

shirabu grabs his mother’s hand and leaves the room as ushijima holds the door open for them

as ushijima walks into the office room, he sees y/n typing reports on the computer

he approaches her and taps her shoulder causing the poor girl to jump in her seat

“I apologize for startling you, I just wanted to thank you for helping me calm down shirabu earlier” ushijima shows his gratitude

“it’s no big deal, I'm glad to be of use to the best pediatrician in the whole unit” y/n replies with a smile on her face

ushijima then notices his heart beat quickening and thumping louder than normal

he believes that anyone could hear its rapid beat without requiring a stethoscope

#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #ushijima x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #hq x reader #hq imagines #hq scenarios

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purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1266

Retaking this survey I took nearly exactly a year ago, which would be around the time of one of the lowest points in my life. A lot has changed and I’m *so much* happier these days, but it doesn’t hurt to revisit and acknowledge the emotions I went through then.

Are you afraid of lifts? 2020: I only feel afraid if I’m the only person riding the elevator. If I ever got locked inside I’d always feel a lot better if there’s at least one other person stuck with me. Otherwise I try not to be too bothered by lifts. 2021: Yeah, as much as possible I would still only get in if someone else was also planning to get in; elevators that are also visibly old and unmaintained tend to scare me away, too. But generally, riding the elevator isn’t a phobia of mine.

Who did you last talk to in person? Is that person attractive? 2020: That would be my mom and yes, I think she’s very attractive. Not in that way of course, but you know what I mean. She looks very young for her age and we always get mistaken as sisters. 2021: My dad. Sure, I think he looks okay.

Have you ever had a deep, personal conversation with a stranger? 2020: As much as possible I don’t like having deep conversations with someone I barely know, but sometimes I can’t escape the situation and I end up being a part of those talks. The nicest conversation I had was with a client during my first internship – he has his own company now, but over breakfast he told me about his struggles, his old unfulfilling 9-5 job, and gave me so much valuable life advice. He was so genuine and so nice and at that time I stopped minding the fact that he was a stranger and I’d most likely never encounter him again. 2021: Ooh I remember that. Yeah, he was lovely to talk to and I definitely have not encountered anyone with stories like his ever since. Anyway, I’ve grown to be a lot more extroverted over the past year so I certainly wouldn’t mind a conversation with a stranger, as long as they haven’t established themselves as a creep or pervert.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your own appearance? Why? 2020: Probably an 8. I don’t have a problem with my physical features for the most part, but I don’t like my front teeth and that my body hair is thicker and grows more quickly than average. Those are the two things that mess with my self-esteem the most, and the two factors that took out the missing two points. 2021: 9. I still have the same points for self-esteem issues; but I’ve embraced them slightly more over the last year.

Who was the last person to send you a message on Facebook? When was the last time you saw that person? 2020: Rita. I probably saw her sometime in early March. Maybe during a board meeting for our org before the lockdown was implemented. 2021: Angela. Sometime mid-July, I think? when we went to the BTS pop-up store together with Reena and Hans. I might see her again next week for her birthday. I have to see her reaction when she opens up the present I plan to get her.

If you decided, at this moment in time, that you were going to make a sandwich, what would you put on it? 2020: Assuming my hypothetical pantry is full, I would go for a southern-style chicken sandwich with chicken breast and spicy mayo. My stomach just rumbled, what have you doneeeeee 2021: Holy shit that sounds so fucking good right now. Can I just steal my own answer? Spicy crunchy chicken sandwiches are the shit.

Are you good at controlling your emotions, or do you tend to let them get the better of you? 2020: It’s 50/50 at best. Sometimes I let self-control win since it’s usually the most responsible choice and it’s also to avoid drama, but there are days where I recognize that self-care is just as important and so I allow myself a healthy release whether the release is one of sadness or resentment or anything else. Repressing my emotions and letting them bubble up over time isn’t healthy, either. 2021: I’m a lot better at it now. I think I have done a lot of growing and maturing and processing over the last year, and I don’t get into dramatic outbursts nor repress my feelings too much anymore. Whenever I feel deeply I let the emotions stay, but I also know when I need to reach out and seek help.

At this moment in time, what do you want the most? 2020: Normalcy. 2021: At this moment in time, I wish I could go back to when I took this survey and reassure the me then that everything was going to turn out absolutely fine. But right now I wish I also had sushi.

How many times have you cried over the person you love/like? 2020: Too many. 2021: I don’t love anyone in that sense.

How exactly are you feeling right now? Why do you feel the way you do? 2020: I haven’t been feeling anything in particular these days. To be honest, I’ve just been doing a lot of…floating around, existing, trying to make it to the end of the day unscathed. I believe I’m feeling this way because there’ve been a lot of major life changes happening and I simply wasn’t prepared to deal with all of them simultaneously. 2021: Jesus Christ that was brutal to read. How the fuck did I...manage? Anyway, right nooooow I feel quite content because a new episode of Run BTS came out and I really enjoyed it!! I also feel cozy because it’s actually quite cold tonight, so it’s making me feel sleepy faster than I would like lol. What’s the relationship status of the last person that put their arms around you? 2020: She’s been married for the last 23 years to my dad. 2021: He’s been married for the last 24 years to my mom.

Has the last person you held hands with, ever told you that they love you? 2020: Yeah. 2021: ^ Gross. But yeah to answer this question in 2021 – yes she has, in a platonic, sisterly way. We say it all the time.

Is there someone you used to hang out with all the time, and now you don’t anymore? If so, do you ever miss that person? Why do you think your relationship changed? 2020: Sure, Sofie’s the first person I thought of because we used to be the best of friends. We simply grew apart when college started, since she studied in Manila and I was all the way in another city. It would’ve been too difficult to keep up the friendship with both of us also starting to have different goals and priorities, as well as new friends. I miss her sometimes, but I’m not desperate to see her anytime soon. I’m sad to see our relationship fizzle out the way it did, but we’re both pretty happy and have been doing well and that’s enough for me. 2021: I stopped hanging out with Aya because she is an abusive piece of shit, and I obviously value my friendship with Jo far more than tolerating an abuser and keeping them around in my life. As for missing her, no, not really. I’ve always found it easy to cut people off and wipe out the positive sentiments I would use to have about a person.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘H’? What color are that person’s eyes? 2020: I don’t know a lot of H people so it was probably Hannah even though I haven’t talked to her in a while. Her eyes are dark brown/black, like nearly every Filipino. 2021: Hans. Same, dark brown/black.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘M’? How did you meet that person? 2020: OMG this was so tough to think about. The only person I can think of is Angela but that’s only because her first name is actually Maria. We met on the first day of 1st grade, back in 2005. I accidentally stabbed her with a newly-sharpened pencil and made her palm bleed, and for some insane reason a lifelong friendship was established that day. 2021: Macky. He’s a coworker but is a couple of positions above me. At first I took issue with my workplace not using honorifics, but when I learned it was a tactic to get everyone comfortable with one another, I soon got used to it.

The person you love/like is offered a job in another country. Would you let them go, or try and convince them to stay? 2020: Let them, because that was what we agreed on. 2021: No matter my feelings towards the situation, I would never interfere and ask them to stay.

Is there anyone you dislike so much, that you actually can’t stand to be around them? 2020: Back in college I hated being anywhere near a frat guy. They all had the same vibe, had the same fashion sense, used the same slang, had the same shitty work ethic so I always knew whenever one was nearby. 2021: One of my uncles, who I believe has COVID literally right now because he refused to get a vaccine. Can’t say I feel awful.

When was the last time you wanted to cry, but didn’t, because you didn’t want to show that you were upset? Why? 2020: I’ve been hiding my emotions and my tears from my family the whole month because we’re not a showy family when it comes to our feelings. We deal with our emotions privately, in our own bedrooms. 2021: Like two weeks ago when my teacher in my Korean classes shared a song recommendation with us and it turned out to be this really emotional, introspective song about dealing with life anxieties. It was beautifully sung and I nearly cried, and the only reason I didn’t was because I was in a virtual class full of strangers and I wasn’t about to start bawling my eyes out in such a situation lol.

If you found out that someone had been talking about you behind your back, would you confront them? 2020: I probably only would if they’ve always been super nice to me to my face but talking shit about me if I’m not around. It would be something I’d want to get into the bottom of. 2021: Depends on who the person is and if I think they’re worth my energy or not.

Which do you think is worse - saying something and then wishing you hadn’t, or not saying something and wishing you had? 2020: I hate nothing more than being too afraid to say something and then never having the space to say it again. That’s the type of regret that stays with me and keeps me up at night. 2021: I still go with the latter.

Do you know anyone who seems almost incapable of showing their emotions? 2020: I wouldn’t say I know anyone exactly like this, but I know of people who have built a great big wall around themselves and are super defensive when it comes to their emotions in a way that you’ll never know if they’re going through something. The first person I thought of was JM. 2021: My dad is extremely unexpressive. I guess I can say I kinda get it - he has to keep up his image as the father of the house and all - but I hope he has his own, healthy ways of processing his emotions, even if they have to be done in private.

What are 3 things that are guaranteed to make you smile, or put you in a good mood? 2020: Good Mythical Morning, seeing my orgmates, and driving. Driving seems to put me in a really good mood these days, though that’s likely because I haven’t had to do it as often as I used to. 2021: BTS, my dogs, and talking to Angela and Reena.

Do you look more like your mum or your dad? 2020: I’m a carbon copy of my mom, I’ve been told more times than I can count. 2021: Well yeah, that hasn’t changed.

When was the last time you saw your grandparents? 2020: I last saw my paternal grandparents in February; with my maternal grandma, two Thursdays ago. I have not seen my maternal grandpa since June or July 2015. 2021: Start of August for my maternal grandma; and I believe it was June when we most recently visited my dad’s parents. I visited my maternal grandpa at his columbarium slot during his birthday last year.

Have you ever felt really attracted to someone, but been deterred because you found out they didn’t have a very nice personality? 2020: No. If I get attracted to someone, that means I’ve already decided that they’re attractive on all fronts, including their attitudes and personality. 2021: ^ That is such a damn lie lmao. I remember getting attracted to this boy Lance from high school and thinking he was so cute and that I should probably try my chances with him...but I immediately got turned off when I noticed how he was slightly immature for his age and I stopped pursuing him immediately.

Have you ever hugged/kissed someone you’d only just met? 2020: Probably when I was out drinking, yes. 2021: ^ That’s true but that only goes for hugging.

Where is the person you would most like to see/be with? 2020: There is no such person. 2021: All my friends and best friends are at home. At least they should be at this hour, lmao.

When was the last time you bought a CD/DVD? Which one was it? 2020: The last CD I bought was Beyoncé’s self-titled album, but I can’t remember if I bought it in late 2013 or early 2014. 2021: ^ 2020-me had no idea :’) Anyway, the last DVD I placed an order for was Map of the Soul ON:E, though I’m not getting that until October. The last thing I was able to successfully receive was my Butter CD set.

Have you ever gone against someone’s advice and then regretted it? 2020: I don’t usually ask my friends for advice since I don’t want to possibly be the jerk that asks for advice but goes against them. I’ve always just gone with whatever I think is best for myself. 2021: I guess I’m still the same as I found myself agreeing to those two sentences.

Would you ever apologize for something that wasn’t your fault? 2020: Welcome to my life. 2021: Before, I used to. I won’t let shit like that pass now.

What’s been the best thing about your day so far? 2020: I’ve done a good share of self-care activities today…I actually got up in bed and have been taking surveys, I ate a lot for breakfast, I took a shower, and fixed myself a cup of coffee. The bar has been set very low since August obviously, but considering I’ve been skipping out on a great deal of activities that used to make me happy, I’m just glad I accomplished several today. It’s the little joys, guys. 2021: Getting good feedback from my boss on a deck I had to work on all day today. Also the new episode of Run BTS, aka my favorite thing about Tuesdays.

Has anyone ever cried in your arms before? 2020: I can only recall one person who’s done this. 2021: Sure.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’? Is that person older or younger than you? 2020: Tina, but her full name is Christina so she counts. I keep forgetting she’s a year older than me. 2021: Coco. Yeah, I believe so.

Do you keep a lot of things from your parents? 2020: Yes. They know my good side - my awards, achievements, job prospects, all the shiny stuff they can be proud of. They don’t need to know how mentally fucked their firstborn actually is, because it’s not like they’d know how to deal with all that weight. 2021: Yes.

Who was the last person you confided in? Do you regret it? 2020: Angela. Not at all. She’s been my rock for the last 15 years. 2021: Andi, and no. I trust them with my whole life and then some.

What was the last film you watched, that you hadn’t seen before? What kind of film was it? What did you think of it? 2020: I’m Thinking of Ending Things is a psychological thriller. It’s not for the faint of heart, especially those who’ve been feeling depressed and/or existential lately. It certainly didn’t make me feel good and I wish I could unwatch it, not because it was bad but because it was a bit too triggering. 2021: Be With You; it’s a Korean film that’s mostly romance but with a super super slight tinge of fantasy if you squint your eyes hard enough. I loved it a lot; both the leads are sooooooooo pretty to look at and the kid is a fantastic actor. I also cried a lot, but I do think the ending could’ve been executed better as it felt rushed.

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you hugged/kissed? 2020: Lots. 2021: Nothing more than extremely petty fights, the last of which we had approximately 12 years ago.

Using one word only, describe the day you’ve had so far. 2020: Lonely. 2021: Routine.

#survey #surveys

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kpoptrashibnida · 4 years

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Enough Pt. 14

A/N: Hey guys! Here is the new update for Enough! I hope you guys enjoy it and as always I enjoy receiving feedback! Please don’t hold back and let me know what you guys think! Also, I did my own gif lol I could not find what i wanted for this chapter, so I decided to ‘make’ my own. Please don’t judge me too harshly, I am not tech savvy xD

Mina and Suho were kind enough to pick you up from the airport once you arrived at Seoul. They were being very tentative with the way they spoke to you and it annoyed you that they were treating you like a ticking time bomb. You tried to ignore it and smile as much as possible without it looking fake. You tried to keep up with the conversation as Suho drove you to your house. Mina was updating you on how her doctor appointments were going and you were genuinely happy to hear about your future niece or nephew. They insisted on taking you out to dinner but you were tired and just wanted to go home and sleep. Suho and Mina shared a look and agreed to drop you off home.

Pulling up to your apartment you felt a strange wave of sadness overcome you when you realized that you actually moved. You’re back in Seoul, away from what means the world to you. Suho helped you with one of your suitcases as you rolled the other one up to your apartment. Mina tagged along, insisting on helping even though you refused to let her carry anything heavy. You opened the door with the new code your building manager gave you and you were surprised to see how it looked exactly the same. You don’t know what you were expecting, since no one entered your apartment during your time away. But you definitely were not expecting to feel an emptiness. The place that once felt like home now felt like a foreign place to you.

“Okay, well I guess you don’t have much to unpack. Do you want us to stay and help?” Mina offered, feeling bad about leaving you alone

“No, it’s fine. You guys have done enough for me. Go home and rest, you must be tired.” You say, rubbing Mina’s stomach in a loving manner.

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call.” Suho said and gave you a pointed look, which made you smile.

“Of course. Thank you guys, really.” You gave them a smile, not knowing what you would do without them.

“Okay, good night.” Mina gave you a strong goodbye hug, making you emotional all of a sudden.

You walked them to the door and bid them farewell, thankful to be left alone. You sat on your couch and closed your eyes, exhaling a long breath. The last 36 hours replaying in your head like a movie.

When you arrived at the Friends Corp. building you were nervous and full of jitters, not knowing if you were going to see Jaehyun or not. You walked to the HR office to return your employee badge and access card. You then proceeded to go to Wendy’s office, saying goodbye to her and answering her questions about why you were leaving all of a sudden. You gave her a brief explanation as to why you were headed back to Seoul and kept an eye out to see if you saw Jaehyun. Once you were done talking to Wendy you went down the hall to look for Johnny and Mark, hoping that Jaehyun might be with them.

“Noona, I just can’t believe that you’re leaving. Why?” Mark asked, extremely sad that you were leaving.

“I know, we didn’t even have time to throw you a going away party or anything.” Johnny whines, still not believing that you were actually leaving.

“Wait! Does Jaehyun know?” Mark asked, realizing that he wasn’t there.

“Wait, he called out sick this morning.” Johnny says, trying to put the puzzle pieces together. “Did something happen?” He questions.

Your eyes welled up with tears as you look at your two friends and you try with all your might not to cry in front of them.

“Um, Jaehyun and I broke up last night.” You say in a whisper, hoping that if you don’t say it too loudly it isn’t true.

“WHAT?” Both men exclaimed, shocked at the news that their two great friends broke up.

“Why? What Happened?” Mark questioned, not believing that this happened.

“There were just some… issues we could not work through, and I have a lot of projects waiting for me in Seoul that cannot wait.” You explained, not wanting to get into the details.

“Damn I’m sorry.” Johnny says, giving you a hug.

“You guys can come and visit me any time.” You say with a small smile. You say your final goodbyes and leave the building, a dull ache in your chest.

It does not surprise you that Jaehyun was not at work but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t sad. You were really hoping to see him to at least give him an explanation. It would have been ideal if you did that at your apartment, but you were frozen in place, just watching your life crumble around you. You were angry with yourself for not fighting for your relationship; for not fighting to keep Jaehyun in your life and saving your relationship.

The whole process of getting to the airport, going through security and finding your gate was all done on autopilot. Your mind was not present and your body was just going with the motions. Namjoon got you a seat on Business Class and you were thankful because all you wanted to do during your 15 hour flight was sleep and cry with some privacy. And that is exactly what you did. Plus watch a movie or two once your eyes burned from all the crying you did. Thankfully once you landed you had regained some control over your emotions, so Suho and Mina did not know of what you did on the plane. You’re pretty sure they had an idea though because you were uncharacteristically quiet.

You had not realized you were crying until your body was shaking with sobs, tears streaming down your face. You hated feeling sorry for yourself. You felt pathetic and dumb and crying was not going to fix anything. Crying was not going to take you back to New York and fix everything, it’s not going to take you to that night and not let Jaehyun go until this was resolved. It’s not going to take you back to the moment Chanyeol entered your life again and put up your walls to keep him out completely. Even though crying was not going to fix your broken heart, you could not help it. Your sobs echoed in your apartment, filling the empty spaces around you. With a trembling body, you made your way to the bathroom and took a shower. The hot water helped relax your tense muscles and wash away the grime from the long plane ride. You were grateful to come home to a clean apartment, courtesy of Namjoon and the company. The time you spent in the shower was enough to relax you into a sleepy lull. You were exhausted from the plane ride, the crying and all the events that took place. You closed your eyes and hoped that sleep would soon envelop you and temporarily make you forget about everything that happened.

_________

“Noona! I am so happy you are back!” Jungkook greets you with a tight hug the second you enter the building. You can't help the laugh that escapes your lips at his tactics, the sound sounding foreign to your own ears.

“Kookie! Look at you! I wasn’t gone a full year and look how buff you got.” You say playfully, pinching his bicep.

“I have been hitting the gym with my hyungs. I wanted to be buff for when you came back.” He says, jokingly flexing his muscles.

“Okay gym rat.” You say with an eye roll, headed to the elevators.

You were greeted by all your coworkers, pleasantries exchanged as you made your way to your office. You felt strange in your office but you knew the feeling would go away soon. Once you were back in your routine and submerge yourself in your projects, you knew the feeling would go away. You heard a knock on your door and you whip your head towards the noise, heart hammering in your chest.

“Hey! Can I come in?” Namjoon asks, hovering by the doorway.

“Yes, of course.” You say, heart still hammering. You were stupid to think it was Jaehyun knocking at your door. Old habits die hard.

“I emailed you the new projects that need to be handled first. After that, you can choose the order in which you complete the other ones.” Namjoon explains, noticing the lack of a smile on your face.

“Sounds great, I’ll get right to it.” You say with a small smile, giving your attention back to your computer.

“Is everything Okay?” Namjoon asks, noticing your odd behavior.

“Yes, everything is fine. I’m just a little tired, I’m not used to the time difference yet.” You say, hoping he’d take that explanation.

“Okay, well pace yourself and take it easy.” He gives you one last knowing glance before he leaves your office.

And just like that you shut yourself out of the real world and immerse yourself in your work, something you were good at and wouldn’t sabotage.

________

“Get up. Now!” Mina says as she pulls the comforter off your body.

“What the hell Mina? How did you get into my apartment?” You complain, the bright sunlight burning your eye balls.

“Because I know your pin, genius! Now get up, you’re not going to spend the whole weekend wallowing in self pity. We are going for a nice walk to the Han river.” She says matter-of-factly, looking cute in her exercise clothes.

“No.” You reply, trying to snatch the comforter back.

“I said get up, I’m not playing with you! Don’t you know you’re not supposed to make a pregnant woman angry?” She questions, smacking your but hard.

“Ouch!” You whine, kicking your feet like a toddler. “Mina, I don’t want to go to the Han river, I just want to stay here. Leave me alone!” You whine, wishing she wasn’t a good friend right now and would let you rot in your apartment.

“Bitch if you don’t get up I swear I will punch you, you know I will! Me being pregnant is not going to change the fact that I will beat your ass.” She threatens. You know not to mess with Mina because she will beat you up if you make her angry enough.

“Fine! Fine! I’ll fucking go. But just so you know I will hate it and I will complain the whole time!” You huff, getting out of bed and heading for your closet.

“That’s what I thought.” Mina says, satisfied with herself. She doesn’t like to get violent but she will if she needs to.

You come out of your closet dressed in a jogger set, glaring daggers at a smug Mina.

“See? That wasn’t so hard.” She smiles, making you roll your eyes at her.

“You’re lucky you're pregnant with my niece or nephew.” You say, making her laugh.

“Okay, let’s go before it gets any later.” She says in a sing-song voice, annoying you already.

The walk along the Han river was actually very relaxing, but of course you would not admit that to Mina. You enjoyed the breeze hitting your face, alleviating the perpetual weight you felt in your chest. You inhaled the cool air and blamed the stinging in your eyes to the cold wind.

After a nice and relatively quiet walk, you agreed to get some lunch with Mina. she needed to eat because she was eating for two and could not skip any meals. Suho actually had set up reminders on her phone, much to her annoyance. You thought it was cute though, Suho was very immaculate with the things he cared about.

After eating some jjajangmyun, you went to some shops to buy a few items you needed as well as some groceries. You had been ordering take out all week since you got back to Seoul and you decided it was time you started cooking again.

“I can’t believe you have been eating take out this whole time! You are insane.” Mina chastises as you make your way up your apartment building, grocery bags in tow.

“Yeah I know.” You huff, not wanting to be lectured by your best friend. At least she has that aspect of motherhood down.

“Thanks for helping me out today. And for taking me out for a walk.” You say once you have put all your groceries away, Mina getting ready to leave.

“No problem. You know I’m always here for you. Don’t hesitate to call, okay?” She says.

You nod and give her a hug and kiss her belly before she leaves, leaving you alone once again. This time however, you did not feel as empty as you had been, which I guess is a good thing.

_________

“Are you sure I need to go? I can stay here, I really don’t mind.” You say to Namjoon, hoping he would let you have your way.

“What? No! What are you saying? I sent you over there to oversee this whole project and now you’re saying you don’t want to go? Don’t be ridiculous! Our investors are expecting to see you there, a lot of people are. I’m sorry but you’re not getting out of this and that’s final.” Namjoon rants, not believing what he is hearing at this moment.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” You sigh, you didn’t like making Namjoon upset.

“We leave in two days, so if you don’t have a dress already, please go buy one. The company gave you a card with a wardrobe budget for events like this. Use it.” He commands, not taking no for an answer.

“Okay, I will.” You put your hands up in surrender, already hating the thought of going shopping. Normally, you’d love to go shopping with Mina. But as her due date is approaching, Suho has been even more overprotective than usual and does not want her going out and doing too much. So now you are left to go alone and you completely hate that.

“Hey Noona!” Jungkook greets cheerily, sitting down on the chair in front of you.

“Hi Kookie.” You greet, moving the food around on your plate. Just the thought of returning to New York after three months of being back in Seoul is enough to make you lose your appetite.

“Are you excited about going to New York with Joon hyung?” He asks, oblivious to your sour mood.

“Not really. I still need to buy a dress.” You groan, pushing the food tray away from you.

Jungkook gives you a pointed look and swallows a mouthful of rice.

“I can go dress shopping with you.” He offers, giving you a sweet Jungkook smile.

“Won’t you get bored?” You chuckle at his ridiculous offer.

“Of course not! I’d never get bored while hanging out with you noona.” He says, warming your heart a little.

“Well I have to go tonight. Are you available after work?” You ask, not believing that you are actually taking him up on his offer.

“Of course! We shall meet at the lobby at the end of the day. There are some good shops in Gangnam that we can go to.” He offers with a smile.

“Okay, sounds like a plan.” You say, a small smile creeping on your face.

“Now eat. You’re too skinny.” Jungkook pushes your food tray back to you, making you roll your eyes at his antics.

You did manage to eat your food however, some of the previous nerves ebbing away.

At the end of your work day you made your way to the lobby of the building where Jungkook was waiting for you.

“Noona! Ready to go?” He asks, opening the door for you.

“Yes, let’s get this over with.” You say, Jungkook whining at your lack of enthusiasm.

You guys took the subway to Gangnam and Jungkook pointed out some shops that he knew had some nice dress selections.

“I don’t know Kookie, these dresses seem a bit…. Extravagant.” You say, looking through the racks of dresses.

“Noona, it is an extravagant event, so you need to dress the part.” Jungkook says, holding up a dress for you to see. You scrunch your nose and shake your head no to the insultingly revealing dress.

“Come on! You gotta show some skin.” He whines, making you laugh.

“Jungkook, are you sure you did not just come with me so you can see me in a skimpy dress?” You accuse, laughing when you see Jungkook turn a slight shade of incriminating pink.

“Noona~!” He whines, he did not do it for that reason but he will admit it was a perk.

“What do you think of this one?” You ask, pulling a silk dress from the rack.

Jungkook looks at it for a few seconds and nods, thinking it's a good contender.

You looked at the reflection in the mirror and smiled, liking what you see. The dress was a beautiful midnight blue. It had a plunging V neckline with necktie straps, a partially open back and a high slit that showed a hint of skin. You felt beautiful and sexy and you hoped that the dress caught the attention of a certain someone that was going to be at the gala.

You open the door to the dressing room and twirl the fabric around, showing the dress to Jungkook.

“Whoa noona, you look amazing.” Jungkook exclaims, eyes roaming your figure in the dress. You looked amazing in it, like the dress was made just for you.

“It’s not too much?” You ask, feeling the silky material in between your fingers.

“Not at all! It’s perfect. You’re perfect noona.” He smiles, making you blush at the compliment.

“You’re too sweet Kookie. Okay, I guess this is it. I’m sick of dress shopping.” You say, heading back to the dressing room.

“We have only been shopping for like an hour and a half.” He laughs, thinking it was funny that a girl did not enjoy spending hours shopping.

Once you had paid, Jungkook convinced you to go out for some drinks and dinner. You were hesitant, not really in the mood to socialize. Even though three months had passed, you were still hurting from your breakup with Jaehyun and you just wanted to go home, drink too much wine and pass out. Jungkook thought that the sound of that was ridiculous and convinced you to do otherwise. You went to a trendy place that had recently opened up and it was full of young people drinking and having a good time.

Jungkook was fun company and you were enjoying his conversation. It was really helping you keep your mind off of things but you were not keeping track of how many shots of soju you were shooting back. You had pent up frustration and sadness that you needed something to numb it.

“Whoa noona, are you okay?” Jungkook asks, eyeing your swaying form.

“Of course Kookie! I am doing grrrreat!” You say, imitating Tony the Tiger.

Jungkook laughs as he moves the soju bottle away from your grasp.

“Okay Noona, I think that I need to get you home. You are done for the night.” Jungkook pays for the bill and helps you up, offering to carry your garment bag and purse. He had your arm draped around his neck as he maneuvered you out of the restaurant and out to the uber he requested.

“Okay noona, just rest your head and don’t make sudden movements.” Jungkook Instructed, making sure you wouldn’t vomit in the car.

Jungkook struggled to help you out of the car and to your apartment. You were very dizzy and had to stop twice because you thought you were going to throw up. Getting into your apartment was an even bigger challenge because you could not punch in the right code. So after a few minutes of trying, you were actually able to open the door.

“Okay noona, I put the garment bag in your closet. Do you need anything before I leave?” Jungkook asks, making sure you were not going to fall over.

“No, thank you Kookie, you’re the best.” You say, pulling him in for a tight hug.

“Of course. I had fun with you today.” He says, giving you a small squeeze.

He was about to pull away when you pull him back in for a kiss, taking him by surprise. He did not react at first but soon enough he reciprocated the kiss. You pull him closer, if that was possible, and let your hands roam his chest. You lightly moaned into his mouth, hands reaching under his shirt to touch his skin. Your hands were starting to lift his shirt up when Jungkook finally realized the turn of events.

“Noona, noona hold on.” He murmurs against your lips, trying to stop your wandering hands.

“What? You don’t want this?” You ask, biting your lip and looking up at him from under your eye lashes.

“Noona, I think you are very attractive and trust me, I would love to go further with you but you are drunk. And I don’t think you are in a good place for this right now. I’ve noticed that something is wrong and if I were to ever… sleep with you, I’d want to make sure it was right.” He says, placing your hands by your sides and giving you a small reassuring smile.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to come on to you like that.” You say, tears welling up in your eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay. Don't cry, it’s okay. I’m not upset.” He says, taking you to the couch and gently sitting down next to you.

“I just, I went through a hard breakup and I am feeling very emotional. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I’m sorry I roped you like this. I appreciate you so much Jungkook. I really do. And I roped you into all of this.” You say, the guilt creeping in from attacking Kook the way you did.

“Noona, it’s fine. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m here for you. We are friends.” He gives you a small smile, squeezing your shoulder. “Are you feeling better?” He asks, noticing that you looked more sober.

“Yeah, I do feel a lot better. Thank you for today, I really needed it.” You say, giving him another hug.

“Any time. I’m heading out. Have a fun time in New York. you’re going to be the belle of the ball.” He says with a cheesy wink, making you laugh.

After Jungkook left you decided to take a shower to clear your head and sober up. You needed to pack for your trip to New York because you did not want to be doing it last minute. The thought of seeing Jaehyun again made your heart beat uncontrollably in your chest, stomach churning uncomfortably. You knew it was going to be awkward but you were really hoping you could see him and speak to him. You were so tired from all the overthinking and drinking that you went straight to sleep without realizing it.

_________

“You okay?” Namjoon asks, looking at your silent form next to him on the airplane.

“Yes, I’m fine.” You say, closing your eyes and trying to ignore the people still boarding the airplane. You wish you could close the door to your seats.

You were not in the best of moods but you didn’t want to project that to Namjoon. Your head was still whirring with chagrin at the thought of coming on to Jungkook the other night at your apartment. He had made it clear he was not mad and that it was not going to be weird between the two of you. And you also had the prospect of seeing Jaehyun again, which had your heart hammering and your stomach feeling nauseous. It was going to be a long flight and you did not want to be a bummer to Namjoon.

“I’m not stupid, you know? I know we have a professional relationship but I like to think we are friends too.” Namjoon gives you a pointed look, a clear indication that he was not going to drop it until you talked to him about it.

“We are friends Joon.” You sigh, looking at him between the seat divider. He raised his eyebrow, a silent sign for you to go on.

You took a deep breath before you delved into the story. Telling him about Chanyeol to that ending and then to Jaehyun and how you sabotaged that. You told him about Chanyeol being back in the picture, how he was Loey and why you were dreading this whole event. He was stunned at the story, of how you kept this from him all this time. If you really wanted to stay back from the gala, he would have considered it because he did not want you to be uncomfortable.

It felt good to talk about the whole thing with someone, a great pressure lifting from your chest. You had killed a good three hours talking to Namjoon about your situation, you had dinner and you were starting to feel tired. You were glad that you had Namjoon with you now that he knew about what happened. You just hoped that you could survive this thing.

___

“Okay so after dinner, the performances are going to start. The opening act will be Loey and Ara.” Wendy gives you the run down as she walks you to your table.

“Sounds great, let me know if there’s something else you need me to do. I have my phone with me.” You tell her, approaching the table. You look around and notice the slightly different people sitting at the table.

“What, um, is this the original table I was supposed to sit at?” You ask Wendy, remembering that you created the seating chart with her.

“Oh.” She starts hesitantly, going slightly pink. “Yeah it is, but Jaehyun asked to be moved to a different table.” She says, looking visibly uncomfortable.

“Oh!” You say, trying to ignore the pain in your gut that made you feel winded. You thank her for guiding you to your table and taking a seat, greeting the people in your table. Namjoon was sitting there so you were glad you were with someone that you felt comfortable with.

You tried to focus on the conversation taking place at the table and not on the fact that Jaehyun asked to change tables. You understood why he did it, but it didn’t hurt any less. You tried to be discreet while you looked around to see if you could find Jaehyun, but it was hard to locate him. You reprimand yourself for being so unprofessional, remembering that you were not here just as a guest but you also have responsibilities in this event.

After dinner you went to look for Wendy so you could get ready to begin the musical acts of the night.

“Everyone, we want to thank you for being here tonight. Your support and contributions to the opening of this pop up shop. This would not be possible to everyone’s contribution. So without further ado, Miss Wendy Son will be presenting the acts for tonight!” You say, passing the microphone over to Wendy as she steps up to the stage, a dazzling smile gracing her face.

“We all know everyone has been anxious for our opening act, so without any more delay, I present Ara and Loey!” She presents, the crowd roaring with applause.

The two of you made your way off the stage and made your way to your seats again, waiting for the show to start.

You glance around one more time before Loey and Ara hit the stage and you finally find what you are looking for. You see Jaehyun sitting at a table close to the stage, surrounded by people from his department plus Johnny and Mark. You made eye contact with him and you felt like your stomach dropped to your knees. He only held the eye contact for a few seconds before turning to the woman next to him and smiling at something she was saying. You recognize her from the PR team, which made sense that she was at the same table as him. You tried to normalize your breathing as you look at the stage again, the lights of the room dimming and the music blasting from a speaker.

All the performances were spectacular, Loey and Ara definitely were the highlight. They did a spectacular job with their duet, the crowd amazed when Loey was revealed. Ara also had a solo and there were other bands and artists performing. The performances lasted about forty five minutes total, leading to the final portion of the gala which was just dancing and drinks. You tried to make your way towards Jaehyun’s table but you were stopped by some of the investors, wanting to congratulate you on your collaboration of the gala and the opening of the pop up shop. You were trying to be a gracious host, but you noticed that Jaehyun was no longer seated at his table.

You knew it was very unprofessional to be looking around while having investors and members of the board speak to you, but you were looking through the crowd trying to find Jaehyun.

You were finally left alone and you decided to do a lap around the reception hall, hoping you can find the person you’re looking for and without interruption. You were trying to get by people without touching their sweaty bodies and without getting stopped again. After a futile attempt you make your way to the back table, wanting to get some punch because you were too thirsty from all the talking you did. You felt a finger poke you on the side and you whir around, anticipation clouding your mind.

“Hey, you look amazing.” Chanyeol says, dazzling smile highlighted by his new platinum hair.

“Hey, new hair?” You ask, not knowing what to say.

“Yeah I decided to do something different for the gala. You like?” He asks, twirling around and showing you a 360 degree view of his haircut and outfit. He had changed out of his performance outfit and into a black tux paired with a white shirt and a black bow tie.

He looked very good, you give him that, but you were not in the mood to engage in conversation with him.

“Yeah you look good.” You say with a smile, glancing behind him to see if Jaehyun was behind him. You did not want the night to end before you could at least greet him.

“There you are! We need to go with Namjoon, he wants to present us to a possible investor.” Wendy says as she approaches you, noticing that you were with Chanyeol after she was speaking a mile a minute.

“Oh, hello Mr. Park.” She greets with a bow, embarrassed at interrupting the conversation.

“Hi miss Son, no worries. I know you are busy ladies. I’ll leave you to it. I guess I should look for Ara and make sure she is okay.” Chanyeol says, bowing once before leaving.

You follow Wendy to where Namjoon was, passing many people along the way and greeting them with smiles and hellos. You caught a glimpse of Jaehyun with a group from the HR department. He looked gorgeous with his charcoal grey suit, white shirt and dark red bow tie. You once again made eye contact with him, but it was very short since you had to keep moving to keep up with Wendy and not lose her in the mass of people.

It was about an hour later when you were finally free. You were walking with intent even though your feet were screaming. You frantically looked around the hall, hoping to find Jaehyun. You noticed Mark and Johnny hanging out by a wall, speaking to each other. You march towards them hoping that they know where he is.

“Hey guys, how are you?” You ask, approaching the dapper young men.

“Noona! You look so awesome!” Mark says, giving you a hug.

“Thanks Mark.” You smile, ruffling the boys hair.

“You did an incredible job! But you have been very busy, I noticed that you were speaking to people non stop all night.” Johnny says, giving you a hug as well.

“Yeah it’s been a pretty crazy night. Hey, have you seen Jaehyun by chance?” You ask, feeling bad for cutting the conversation short, but you really wanted to find him.

Johnny and Mark shared a look, something made you feel like it wasn’t a good sign.

“Yeah he left about a half hour ago.” Johnny says awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh, I see. Well, he must be tired too, he also played a big role in all of this.” You say, trying to mask the disappointment in your voice.

“Yeah he was. Well we are heading out too. Have a good night and a safe flight back to Seoul.” Johnny says, hugging you.

“We are going to come visit you, okay?” Mark says, giving you a reassuring hug.

“Yes please, I really want you guys to come.” You say with a smile, bidding them goodbye.

You stand where they left you, mind blank and eyes not focusing on anything. You could not believe that he was gone. Just like that. So this was it. No chance of speaking to him again. You did not know when you were going to see him again and you were too big of a coward to call him. Besides, what you wanted to say was better if you did it in person and not over the phone. You felt defeated and thought it was time to go to your hotel so you could take a shower and drink all the contents of the mini bar. You were so busy tonight you didn’t even get a chance to fully enjoy yourself and have at least one drink.

You found Namjoon and told him you were going to head over to the hotel, deciding that it was time to call it a night.

You were waiting for your town car to come to the front of the building when you hear someone calling your name.

“Hey! I was trying to get your attention since before you left the building. Did you not hear me?” Chanyeol asks as he jogs up to you, breath visible in the cold night.

“Oh, sorry, I did not hear you.” You say, looking out for your car.

“Are you crying?” He asks, peering at your face.

“No.” You say, not realizing you had been crying, a few stray tears running down your face.

“Uh, okay. Well I sort of wanted to get a dance with you.” Chanyeol tries, getting closer to you and placing a hand on your arm.

“Chanyeol, I’m not in the mood right now. I just want to go to my hotel, I’m exhausted.” You say, biting your lip in an effort to hold your tears in.

“Hey, hey look at me.” He says gently, lifting your face to look at him. “Are you okay?” He asks again, emphasizing the ‘okay’.

You feel your lip quivering and shake your head no, tears finally overflowing.

He hugs you into his chest, feeling your body shake in his hold. You cry into his shirt, hoping that you would not stain it.

Chanyeol held you and felt his heart squeeze; he did not know why you were crying but he hated seeing you like this. All he wanted to do from now on is be there for you, whenever you wanted or needed him, he would be there. Just like he always should have.

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masterofmunson · 5 years

Text

temper

Billy Hargrove x Reader

Summary: Billy’s red, hot temper makes him lose the one thing he has. You.

Warnings: language, angst

Word Count: 3.7k+

AUTHOR’S NOTE: hi i had so much fun writing this!! there’s something about angst that I love so much lol. pls tell me what you think!!! thank u!!

Tears of frustration threaten to spill down your cheeks. God. If Mary knew you were near tears over your stupid boyfriend, she would kill him. There’s no doubt about it. Mary would kill Billy. If any boy makes you cry, they deserve Mary’s wrath, your doofus of a twin brother included. She punched Roy in the nose when the three of you were in the third grade because Roy broke your Barbie doll. He laughed when he broke it, and then cried when Mary punched him.

You shake your head and let out a broken sigh. Your eyes are trained on the front doors of Hawkins High as students spill out of the building. You don’t know what to say to him.

What can you say? Billy had punched your brother. Billy had punched your best friend. He had punched your overprotective brother in the face because Roy was looking out for you.

Two days prior, Jenna Olson had a party at her lake house up the road. You couldn’t go, you had a shift at Macy’s and couldn’t get anyone to cover for you. Billy had wanted you to ditch your shift completely, but you rolled your eyes and laughed at him. Instead, you told him to go have fun with his friends. You trusted him then.

Now, you’re not so sure.

When Roy stumbled into the house with the help of his girlfriend Christine at two in the morning that same night, he roared and hollered for you. It had startled you awake and you ran down stairs to make sure he was okay. You were thankful your parents decided to go to Chicago for a weekend date.

Christine struggles to get him to sit at the kitchen table as you stare at your brother, tired and in awe of the damage on his face and his knuckles. You were in utter disbelief.

Roy told you everything. He saw Billy hanging onto a slu of girls, all of which who weren’t you. Like any brother would do, Roy told you, he confronted your boyfriend. Then a fight broke out.

Christine told you the grimacing details while Roy moaned and groaned for an ice pack and ibuprofen. It shocked you to your very core. Billy knew how close you were to Roy, and yet he destroyed any relationship the two of them could’ve had when his fist met Roy’s face. It broke your heart.

That night was the first night you locked your window. Billy was the last person you wanted to see.

Now, sitting in Billy’s Camaro, your eyes are anywhere else but looking over at his. You’re seething with anger, disappointment, frustration. It’s obvious in your tense shoulders and the way you bite the inside of your cheek.

You feel so stupid. You believed Billy when he said that he wanted to change, that he didn’t want to be like his father and solve confrontation with his fists anymore. You believed him when he said that he loved you and kissed you and loved on the right spots. You believed he was starting to change when he kept walking when someone pissed him off, when he started smoking less, when he made an effort to have a relationship with Max.

You hate feeling so wrong.

A silent tear slides down your cheek and you quickly wipe it away.

“Sweetheart,” Billy chokes out, reaching for your hand. You recoil from his touch and his heart drops. “Please say something.”

You look over at him and lean your back against the door. “What should I say, Billy?” you snap at him. “Was it worth it? Did you get the same rush like you did when you did the same thing to Harrington?”

Billy winces and he looks down into his lap. He fumbles with his fingers.

You know it’s a low blow, but you don’t care. You’re hurt and upset. The shame he feels is nothing compared to your heartbreak.

Silence falls between the two of you and you glance out the window. You stare at your car. Roy’s waiting on the hood of the trunk with Christine. The bruises he sustained cover his entire face.

“Well?”

“No,” he answered quietly. “It wasn’t. I was just so angry that he would accuse me of stepping out on you. He was drunk, Y/n. He didn’t see me shove the girls that came onto me. He saw what he wanted to see. He’s never liked me.”

“So that gives you the right to punch him? To make his face into your own personal punching bag? It doesn’t matter that he was drunk. You still hurt him. You hurt me. Roy is my brother. He’s my best friend.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

For a moment, you believe him, but that night flashes in your mind. Roy’s black eye and busted lip. The way blood pooled down his nose and on his temple. It frightened you.

You turn your back to Billy and reach for the door handle. Billy reaches for your arm and gently pulls you away from the door. You turn your head to look at him. For a moment, you think you see tears in his eyes.

“I said I was sorry,” Billy tells you, his voice desperate and broken.

A bitter laugh escapes your mouth and you shake your head in disbelief. It sends a shiver down Billy’s spine. The nerve he has to say that to you, like it changes anything that happened. You can’t believe him.

“Are you kidding me, Billy?” you snap at him. Your temper rises with each passing second. “Do you really have the nerve to say: “I said I was sorry,” to me? What did you think was going to happen at the end of this conversation? That we would kiss and makeup and I’d tend to your wounds? Saying sorry doesn’t change what happened! I’m not the one you should be apologizing to. You beat the living shit out of my brother! You scare me!”

Tears fall down your face and your voice is cracked and raw. A sob escapes your throat and you squeeze yourself into a ball closest to the door. Your shoulders shake and your hands tremble. Billy stares at you in disbelief. A tear escapes his eye and quickly wipes it away.

His fear had come true. Billy had managed to tear up your heart and scare you, something he swore to you and himself that he would never do. He hates himself for it.

You quickly unlock the door to his car and stumble out, holding onto your backpack tightly. You slam the door shut with such force that it makes Billy jump in the driver’s seat. He winces and watches you hurry off towards your car where your brother awaits.

Billy sniffs quietly, wiping his nose before angrily hitting the steering wheel with the palms of his hands.

Approaching Roy, you wipe at your cheeks and shake your head at both your brother and his girlfriend. The last thing you want is to sob your guts out in front of them. You just want to get into the car and go home without another word from either of them. You don’t want their pity or disapproving stares.

“I’ll take Roy home,” Christine tells you, wrapping her arm around Roy’s. You nod quietly, watching the two of them walk towards her car before climbing into the driver’s side.

Tossing your backpack in the passenger seat, you let out a heavy sigh.

The sound of Billy’s car engine rings through your ears. A tear slides down your cheek.

Mary would squeeze your face together in a weak attempt to make you laugh if she saw you like this. Too bad she called in sick today. If she knew how much Billy had made you cry, there would be hell to pay. You’re almost certain.

….

There’s a soft knock on your door. It’s the knock Roy uses when he knows you’re sad or upset. You’ve been sad and upset a lot lately.

“Yeah?” you shout over the music, rolling over on your bed so you face the door. You toss your book to the side.

“Can I come in?” Roy asks from behind the door.

“Sure.”

The door clicks open and Roy steps inside. He sends a soft smile your way before walking over to your bed. You reach over to turn off your radio. You sit up and twist your body so your legs are dangling off the bed. Roy takes a seat beside you. You stare at the brown carpet beneath you. Roy nudges you gently. You return the nudge and it makes him laugh. You smile too.

“You doing okay?”

You shrug silently, letting out a soft sigh. Your eyes are trained on the floor. You glance at him.

“I think I should be asking you that,” you joke lightly. The bruising on his right eye is nearly gone. The large gashes on his cheeks are now small cuts and there’s still a tiny bandaid on his nose.

Roy laughs, rolling his eyes at you. “I’m fine,” he answers.

It’s been two weeks since the fight and break up with Billy. Roy is mostly back to normal appearance wise and you’ve tried your best to stick to the routine you use to have before Billy came along.

You pick up more shifts at Macy’s and make an effort to hangout with the coworkers you like outside of work. You return to your study table at Benny’s Diner in the evenings you’re not working, but now you’re by yourself. You spend more time with Mary. Everything is relatively back to normal on your end.

Your not so sure about Billy’s. Knowing him, he’s back in his old ways, relishing in his self destructive behaviors and his new found freedom as a single man again. You have no clue. You’ve tried your best to avoid him at all costs and you’ve done a great job so far.

That, or Billy’s made it his mission to avoid you at all costs too. He hasn’t even spoken to you since your break up and his half ass apology. His eyes only lingering on you when you pass him in the hallways.

Silence falls between you and Roy and he lets out a gentle sigh. “I know that these past two weeks have been rough on you. I know you won’t admit it, but I know you miss him,” Roy tells you quietly.

You open your mouth to protest and scoff at his assumption, but Roy raises a brow at you. There’s no point in lying to him. You sigh, nodding your head at your brother.

“I know I shouldn’t,” you mumble shamefully. Tears form at the corners of your eyes and you hate yourself for it. You feel pathetic. You told yourself you were done crying over him. A year long relationship be damned. “He hurt someone that I love. He hurt you, Roy. You’re my brother, my dingus of a best friend. I can’t be with someone that hurt you like that.”

“Y/n—”

“Plus, he hasn’t apologized to you, so fuck that,” you interrupt him before laying back down on your bed. That was your deal breaker. If you were to ever speak to Billy again, it would have to be after he apologized sincerely to Roy. Anything less than an apology was shit to you, despite what your heart wanted.

“Hey, Dingus, if you stop interrupting me, I can tell you that he did,” Roy tells you, shoving you with a push of his hand. You shove your foot into his chest.

Your brows pinch together in confusion. “What are you talking about, Doofus?”

“Billy did apologize to me,” he answers. “He came over the other night while you were working. He seemed really genuine about it. He looked pretty upset. We talked for awhile. Things are okay between me and Billy now.”

You stare at Roy in utter disbelief. Your heart stops beating inside your chest. You can hardly breathe. You don’t believe him. You can’t. Billy doesn’t apologize to people other than you. Billy apologizing to Roy seemed impossible. Billy’s pride and stubbornness would get in the way of a sincere and genuine apology.

“I said sorry too,” Roy continues. “He was telling the truth about the girls at the party. Christine said she saw the whole thing. Besides, she was sober. He did push those girls away.”

You swallow the lump in your throat. Your head starts to spin. You don’t know what to say.

You take a careful breath inward and glance at your brother. He smiles at you and you sit up carefully. “Did he….” you trail off in a whisper, “did he say anything else?”

Roy grins. Your soft eagerness to know what else Billy had to say makes him smile. Roy nods his head in affirmation. “He did,” he answers. “He said that he loves you and that he hopes you can forgive him one day.”

You nod your head slowly and Roy laughs softly before shoving your knee one last time before standing up from where he sat on your bed. He leaves your room and gently shuts the door behind him.

You lay in bed, music now off and the book beside you long forgotten. You stare up at the ceiling. Shock runs through your body. Billy apologized. He apologized without telling you. You can hardly believe it, but you do. There’s no reason for Roy to lie to you.

You climb out of bed, not bothering to change out of the running shorts or old t-shirt your wearing. You comb through your hair before pulling it out of your face. You grab your house key and a ten dollar bill from your purse before walking out of your bedroom and heading downstairs. Toeing on your shoes, you open the front door and step outside. The mid May weather hits your skin just right as you shut and locked the door behind you.

You stop in your tracks when your eyes meet Billy’s.

He sends you a soft, nervous smile. Billy anxiously runs a hand through his hair as he leans against his car in your drive through. He’s holding a bouquet of white tulips in his hands.

“Hey,” Billy’s voice is soft and timid. It’s the same tone of voice he uses when he knows he’s fucked up with you. It’s the tone of voice he uses when he’s almost in tears.

You swallow hard. “Hi,” you greet him gently, walking down the porch steps. Your heart starts to race with every step you take closer to him.

Silence falls between the two of you and you scratch at your arm nervously.

“I’m walking over to Benny’s if you want to come,” you mutter quietly, staring at your shoes. You glance at Billy and he nods eagerly at you.

“Yeah, sure,” he replies, pushing off his car and joins you on the sidewalk. You walk quietly side by side as you head to the diner. You glance over at him and bite the inside of your cheek.

When you arrive at the diner, Billy opens the door for you and you thank him quietly. The bell above the door dings as you step inside. The two of you walk towards a corner booth, away from your normal table. You sit across from him and reach for a menu. You stare down at the table.

“How have you been?” Billy asks you quietly.

Your eyes meet his and you swallow hard. You shrug. “Fine, I guess. I’ve been working a lot,” you mutter. You glance down at the menu again. Another awkward silence falls between the two of you.

A waitress comes by and takes your order. You move your menu to the side and glance out the window. When the waitress comes back with your drinks you stare at Billy.

“I meant what I said,” you tell him, fighting back tears. “You scared me, Billy. When I saw Roy’s face that night, it scared the living daylights out of me.”

Billy nods his head. “I know. I know it did and I hate myself for it. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

Tears glisten in Billy’s eyes as he stares at you. You sniff quietly and wipe your nose with the back of your hand before setting it on the table. Billy reaches for your hand and his heart jumps inside his chest when you don’t pull away. He squeezes your hand and brings it up to his lips, kissing your knuckles gently.

“I don’t know what to say, Billy. I don’t know how I can move past this. You don’t trust me,” you tell him, reaching for your drink and taking a long sip.

“I do trust you,” Billy replies, squeezing your hand. He holds onto your hand like his life depends on it. He blinks back tears and wipes at his face. You’ve never seen Billy this open and vulnerable in such a public place before. The fear of anyone finding out that his tough guy personality is all just for show forces Billy to only be his true self behind closed doors with you. It shocks you. Hope blossoms inside your chest. Maybe this is a sign.

“I do trust you,” Billy repeats, a tear slides down his face. “I’m scared that you don’t trust me.”

You stare at him. Shock is written across your face. Your heart stops. You don’t know what to think, what to say, what to do. You can hardly breathe. A tear falls down your cheek.

You stumble out of the booth and nearly run out the door. Blood pumps through your ears and you’re numb. You can hardly hear Billy shouting your name. You just start running home. You can’t breathe. Your chest aches with each inhale. Your lungs burn.

“Y/n, baby, wait!” Billy shouts, running after you. His hand finds yours and he pulls you back. You spin around and stumble into his chest. You brace yourself against his chest.

“I can’t believe you don’t think I trust you!” you shout out of breath, gasping for air as you stand in your driveway. You shove him and he finds his balance against his precious car. Tears coat your cheeks. “I know you, Billy. I know you would never cheat on me. I know because you love me. I know because despite all the shit you’ve been through and who you pretend to be, you like who you are when you’re with me.”

You grab his stupid jacket and shake hit shoulders. Your eyes meet his and another tear falls down your face. “I love you, Pea Brain. I know who you are. I trust you. I trust you with every part of me.”

Billy laughs in disbelief and wipes at his eyes. Tears coat his warm, red cheeks as he cries. “I don’t want to lose you again. I don’t want to lose you to my temper. I never want to scare you like that again. Please forgive me,” he whispers to you. Billy’s voice is soft and gentle, desperate for your answer.

You stare at him with tears of your own on your face. You’re breathing heavy and your head spins. You take a small steps towards him. It makes Billy’s heart race as he watches you carefully.

“Please,” you whimper, staring into his glossy blue eyes, “please work on your temper. Promise me you will.”

Billy nods his head. He reaches for your hands and kisses them firmly. “I will, baby. I promise. I promise to work on my temper,” he tells you, sniffing quietly as the last of his tears dampen his cheeks.

A deafening silence falls between the two of you and you turn your head away from him. Your heart races and you let out a careful breath. Your eyes meet his.

“I’m sorry, baby. Please forgive me.”

Another tear fall down your face and you nod your head. You walk straight into his arms and hold on to him as tightly as you can. Billy’s arms wrap around your torso as he hugs you. A cry of relief escapes Billy’s mouth as he holds you.

His fingers card through your hair and you squeeze his t-shirt. You pull away from the crock of his neck and rest a hand against his cheek. He leans into your touch and you rest your forehead against his.

“I forgive you,” you tell him, brushing a few of his blond curls out of his face. You hold his face gently and brush a tear off his cheek.

Billy’s nose brushes against yours and presses his mouth against yours. The kiss is soft and gentle and he cradles your neck. You tug on his hair and relish in the feeling of his mouth on yours. He pulls away and kisses your forehead.

“I love you,” he whispers.

You smile gently at him and kiss his cheek. “I love you, too,” you tell him, wrapping your arms around his waist. Billy grins and kisses you sweetly.

“Do you want to come inside?”

Billy laughs, pushing your hair behind your ear. He smirks and presses kisses across your face. “Isn’t Roy home?”

You raise a brow at him. “And that matters you you because….” you trail off with a growing smirk.

Billy shrugs, kissing you warmly. You smile against his mouth. “It doesn't. I just don’t want him to hear his sister having too much fun in her bedroom,” he teased. “He doesn’t need to know what your moans sound like. They’re for my ears only.”

You gasp at him and shove him gently. Heat spreads across your face and Billy steals another kiss. His taste and touch linger on your skin.

“What makes you think that I’ll be having any fun?” you ask playfully, biting the inside of your cheek.

Billy grins. His smile meets his eyes. It makes your heart jump inside you chest. He squishes your cheeks together. “Just a hunch,” he answers, kissing your pouty lips.

“Oh, really?” you hum.

He nods. “Mhm. That and it’s been two and a half weeks since I’ve touched you.”

You laugh, shaking your head and lacing your fingers with his. You kiss the back of his hand. Your Billy is back in your arms and you couldn’t be happier.

“Okay, Mister. That’s enough outta you.”

Billy laughs and you steal one last kiss before tugging him up the porch steps inside your house and into your bedroom.

#hi pls tell me what u think!!!!#billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagines #billy hargrove imagine #billy x reader #billy imagine #billy imagines #stranger things x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things imagines #my writing

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knicole0527 · 3 years

Text

How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though . But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

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