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el-velvis · 3 months

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Adam x reader (hazbin hotel)

How you two met

Headcanons:

¦ First part ¦

The time that you passed with Adam were now really less than the first times, he noticed that and tried to cheer you up in every way, but he had an big... BIG ego, so that means that in public mostly and in private he was more Attached to you, he made more maschilist jokes and at the same time gave you a lot of gifts, you were going crazy...

Even if you didn't noticed that but he was really afraid of you in every way, your beautiful hair and your beautiful eyes that always looked up at him when he get closer, your wings that twich every time that he put a hand on you or just innocently Pinch your cheek to annoyed you, all of that big carcather that he has to carry on is just because his in reality very selfconscious, he never had more than two Women, ève and lilith that left him for lucifer.. After that he just tried to became stronger even if he liked someone he couldn't just show it as a normal person do, unfortunately...

One day he wanted to finally ask you out for real this time, so he prepared with the help of Lute a love letter, "looks like a child made this sir" Lute said smirking a bit "OH FUCK YOU LUTE! Im trying here bitch!", a little plushie that looked... Like him because when he was at work he thought that you would be alone for long so with that you would feel... Always.. his presence.. And a ring... The best part... It was a bright one.. Brought for This occasion, he was really anxious...

He was all prepared and wanted then to find you and make you the biggest happy person alive, he wanted to love you every day and make you feel alive... But... You weren't always around... Or maybe you weren't around as you used to.

He noticed that you tried always to walk away If by pure chance he crosses paths with you changed your path, at first he thought it was a coincidence but as he went on he understood that you wanted to move away, why? Why you too? What had he done wrong?... He didn't know but after some time he finally found you and wanted to confront you and understand what was going on...

He found you in the library of the church where all of angels and part of Heaven go to study.

Your paranoia was getting bigger and bigger, "why me?"... "surely he'll just want to use me"... "he's not what you think, he doesn't really love you, he's Adam the first man on heart, every girl are on his knees for him he'd never choose someone like me"...

Adam Fly all the way here and decided to talk with you, obviusly with his style, he entered the library and took a look around, you were obviusly sitting in a table in the corner alone.

He stare at you for a moment and decided to make his entrance "hey bitch what's up with you? You know who i am? You can't just disappear like that", he talked a little too much loud even because someone turned around and stare at you two in a pissed way, you were in a public library After all.

You just stopped reading and were surprised by his presence, he was now towering you with a hand on the table and the other pointed at you, you shush him and You pull it to a more secluded place, "h-hey what the fuck!" you finally looked at him in the eyes and spoke and a trembling sigh came out of your mouth "listen Adam... First of all you can't enter a library like that, and second of all why are you here? Don't you have something better to do?" he looked at you confused and a grin appered on his lips "ohh~ your cunt is in a bad mood today? I can fix that you know Im famous for my to-" you didn't let him finish and started to feel tears coming from your eyes "ENOUGH!" he froze "why you keep doing this?? Why?" your face was turning red "doing what" he whispered a little taken back by your sudden reaction "you always try to flirt with me in some ways and then you treat me like Im just a piece of meat, why you always bother yourself with me uh? Why you can't just leave me, i know that you have millions of girls that maybe are better at that! But im not like one of them! And if you just wanted to be my friend just for that maybe... Im sorry but no... I dont want to continue like this.." a first tear came out.

He was shocked, what did he do wrong? Someone made you think like this? You liked someone else?, in his mind everything was running fast every possibility to understand your sudden reaction, he started to speak again "what.. What does that mean? I never did something like that!" he starting to raise his voice in irritation "i was always the one to make things for you! I always tried to make everything possible what the hell do you think bitch! Im fucking Adam! Im perfect! And you should just appreciate that i choose you!".

You couldn't believe it... He said that, he could have been with someone else if it was not for you... Now is clear... Tears were running down your red cheeks... "oh...so that's why..." you started to cry, he stare at you panicking, you couldn't read his face for the mask "Im just a second.... Or maybe a the last choice for you?"... Your face was now purple and your troath was burning, you could see only a blurry figure in front of you for how much tears were forming... "w-what n-" you didn't want to hear him and so you Fly away faster as you could, you just wanted to Return home and forget all of him...

He was paralyzed.. He didn't know what happened, He had come looking for you to take you out to eat and finally declare himself, and all after a flap of wings disappeared in a second... He was the wrong one? He was the one that made you soffer? How? What did he do wrong?

After that evening he went back home were Lute was waiting "sir how did it go?" he didn't respond and just went to bed, Lute remain a little by his attitude... "sir?" "Fuck off Lute!" she just followed him and sit down on the bed silent.

After a while he looked at her and in a angry and pissed way he storm out "what the hell did i say? Just go away bitch! Go away and leave me alone like the rest of the world!" the last part came out broken... Something broke inside of him... He didn't know what was happening but started to sob in his pillow... "DONT STARE AT ME BITCH! DON'T-.. DON'T LOOK AT ME" She was approaching to hug him, she didn't say anything, she knew that at any moment he would explode..

He was buffering in the pillow and suddenly felt warm, the arms of Lute were around him, he tried to pull away sobbing and pissed "DON'-DON'TOUCH ME... *sob* DON'T... don't..." he lets go and stays in the embrace, and he starts crying and venting about what happened

After he vent for like 2 Hours he stayed like that with tired eyes... "sir... You need to find her and tell her what you feel, but you have to put aside your ego" he just pull away and in a pissed way said "i dont have an ego! And i can't she don't want to see me again after what i did... What i did wrong?" he asked, "sir if i have to be sincere you are always a piece of shit, with every one, you want the attention but can't get Attached with someone because you are afraid you Will lose them.. It's not like this that life works, you need to stand up and finally accept what you are, you are not only Adam.. " he stare at her," yes i am only Adam, the fucking first man that give life to all of them why they can't accept it!", "sir... You are not only that, i observ when you talked with y/n how your face change and how nervous you become, how you want to surprise her with little hand gifts, but too afraid to recieve her compliments.... You are not only Adam.. You are a human sir...", he became flustered and embarassed by the exact description of himself "wherever bitch..." there was a moment of silence... "Lute...?" he whispered "do you think... That... Im in time to go and talk with her?".

Lute push him out of the window "FUCKING FLY FAST SIR" he then fuck her off but was excited scared and all type of emotions he can have and Fly to your house as fast as he can "please don't leave me y/n, please dont leave me y/n please dont leave me y/n".

He finally arrived... He was about to faint from how fast he went, while he was catching his breath he landed on your balcony, and knocked 5 Times, The fifth was a spasm of the lungs.

You were in your bedroom and started to take sleep when you heard 5 knocks on your window... You turn your head to see... "no.." Adam, you were a little susrpised but didn't want to open him, that would be rude so you stand up with a big groan and open slowly the window "what.." you asked in a cold tone.

This was all for the second part, i notice that you really liked the first so i thought that would be interesting put a little angst for this , if you want the third part let me know! Have a great day🫐

#adam x reader #light angst #angst with a happy ending #angst #adamapple #hazbin hotel adam #artists on tumblr #love #hazbin hotel lute #lute #y/n #x reader

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moondust-writes · 2 years

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͙۪۪̥˚┊❛ [dating headcanons] ❜┊˚ ͙۪۪̥◌ .ೃ࿐ shadow the hedgehog ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･safe for work; romantic

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ one thing that should be clear is that this hedgehog is traumatized - i mean, someone he was close to died, and then he almost died at the end of Sonic Adventures 2 (did die, even, until the fandom decided they wanted Shadow to be a returning character). a relationship isn't going to be easy

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ the first hurdle, would be befriending him. unlike others (i.e. team sonic), he would keep anyone at an arms length, try to avoid becoming attached - and immediately pulling away as soon as he notices any attachment ╰┈➤ this is how he is with everyone; he used to be open and less guarded with others, like Rouge and Omega, though his anxious attachment style later caused him to pull back - this is unavoidable, and questioning him about it will only cause it to worsen for a week or so

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ you'd have to be the one to take the first step when it comes to starting a friendship, be it as small as just sitting in the same area doing your own thing, or even initiating a conversation despite the 'dont talk to me' energy he often radiates - it'd be like talking to a wall, so hopefully you can keep up a one sided conversation

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ you'll know that he'll start to consider you to at least be an acquaintance when he starts to allow himself to be in your presence longer than usual, and even give brief responses to whatever it is you had been talking about. even if it is just as small as a hum of acknowledgement; when he considers you to be a friend? he'll start to seek you out every now and again when he has the free time to do so, and even engage in a proper conversation ╰┈➤ it is during the friendship that he begins to catch feelings; there will be moments of vulnerability, of openness. only when he realizes he doesn't mind it when you hug him or hold his hand to drag him somewhere that he will realize he is becoming attached and pull away

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ the confession is far from planned - more so accidental. but either way, he is the first to confess. it wasn't one of his smoothest moments, 'embarrassing,' more like it; but it was sweet, endearing ╰┈➤ you or his friends would have confronted him about the sudden distance, and while he'd try to avoid it, the pain from the single question of 'did i do something wrong?' would hurt too much; he had to let you know it wasn't you! even if it would damage his pride to admit that he, the ultimate lifeform, was scared and didn't know what these feelings meant(it was adorable, to see him flushed red as he put his feelings into words, the shade darkening as you explained that what he described was love - and that it was okay to be scared)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ the start of the relationship was, well, rough. but! shadow is determined to show that he is serious about you! due to what happened to maria, he will be protective - even if you can fend for yourself. some firm boundaries and reassurance can fix this; he'll get better over time

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pet names aren't something shadow deems to be necessary, so he'll typically just use your name or some nickname derived from it. if you express your love for them, though, he may just use 'honeydew' or 'darling' ╰┈➤ pet names won't be used in public on his end though, he views them as intimate things for only you to hear him call you - they're just for you and only you

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ personally, i think he's more shy when it comes to PDA, but all for it! you just won't often catch him being the one to initiate it unless he sees someone eyeing you or something is going on nearby. his default is holding your hand, but if he is a little bit more bold, he may just wrap his arm around your shoulder

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ not much of a cuddlebug, but he adores giving fleeting touches behind closed doors or when there is a moment alone with you. typically its a short peck on the lips, or a simple hug. at night, though, he will gladly cuddle, typically being the big spoon

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ shadow can have nightmares, though it isn't often that it occurs. on these nights, please let him bury his face in your chest while you groom his quills. it helps so much, and the purrs you get in return are absolutely precious

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ all in all, he would do anything for you and be vulnerable just for you; with help, he might even just be able to let himself joke around and have fun with his friends like he used to <3

#moondust trail #headcanons #sonic x reader #shadow the hedgehog x reader

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cooki3face · 9 months

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cookie face master list ♡

message: this is my official master list for my tarot readings and any of my other favorite post that I’ve made so far, I make a lot of posts that aren’t titled or formatted in any way so this a good tool to use to be able to find any of my posts that are important to find that have any important information or did really well. Thank you to the user who recommended I create one of these, I had started making one some time ago but I ended up giving up because I was intimidated by how many post I had and how I would format this master list. ❤️

public psa & content breakdown (PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU INTERACT!!!)

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ tarot readings:

cookie face tarot info: (please read!!) (personal tarot readings open!!)

Cookie face tarot readings ♡ | book

entertainment:

your first time alone with your spouse 🖤

their last dream of you ☁️🔒

how people see you ⭐️

what will your marriage be like 💍

what would your divine masculine be like as a father

their favorite things about you 💐

how does your person view intimacy with you (18+)

what kind of seducer are you (18+)

what will you be like as a mother

what permanent union w/ your divine feminine would be like: divine masculine reading

why are they silent?

what lessons are you learning in love right now?

Messages from spirit on conflict between Israel and Palestine 🇵🇸❤️

your next quantum leap

what your in laws would think of you (and their child)

messages for singles from your divine counterpart

messages from someone who let go of you

what you need to hear right now: channeled from spirit

what’s going on in your friendships

Your present reality vs far future

***

energy check-in:

~ Energy check in w/ advice : July 2, 2023 ~

~ Energy check in w/ advice : June 27, 2023 ~

energy update 🧿: 8/18/23

six card pull: energy update ♡

***

divine feminine/divine masculine:

what’s going on within the divine masculine collective | divine masculine update | June 30, 2023

what would your divine masculine be like as a father

divine feminine/divine masculine update & twin flame update : 8-23-23

Divine masculine & Divine feminine update / twin flame update 🖤 : 8/30/23

what permanent union w/ your divine feminine would be like: divine masculine reading

***

spirit baby readings:

spirit baby reading 🧸

spirit baby reading🍼

***

disclaimer: any readings that I do can be switched around to resonate with any sex/gender. I’m just a woman and most of the imagery I’m attracted to is feminine in nature and I have a large feminine following and community so often times I feel their energy strongest when I’m channeling for the collective but if you’re a masculine energy that doesn’t mean there isn’t a message for you in a reading of mine!

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ spirituality/self-care/healing:

"Physical Pain In The Body And Their Spiritual Meanings"

“Differentiating between steady boundaries and self -sabotaging as a trauma response: how to identify & what to do”

“Understanding the difference between “niceness” & kindness”

My opinion on organized religion

"Manifesting with conviction & intention: What is it and how to do it"

"How to fix a broken sleep schedule: relaxation tips & creating an ideal bed routine"

“Your anger is the part of you that knows your mistreatment."

people pleasers

"men who refuse to grow up will find women who suit their lifestyles"

"Normal people have trauma"

"Nobody is responsible for your triggers and you aren’t responsible for any of anyone else’s"

"Grew up hearing that I was way too picky or that I wasn’t going to get everything that I wanted"

"my anxious attatchment style & mother wound"

"manifestation & energetic frequencies: what people want most in life"

"The dark night of the soul"

“How to navigate the dark night of the soul”

"A fear of being seen"

“wounded feminine energy vs wounded masculine energy”

“healing attachment styles”

advice for growing teenagers and young adults

***

parenting:

"you don't teach your children not to hit people by hitting them"

"gen z not taking sh*t from anybody"

gen x and millennial parents need to get help

***

affirmations:

Self assurance and inner alignment affirmations

Self love & self worth affirmations

divine feminine & divine masculine affirmations: Aug 21, 2023

***

dating/relationships:

"Marriage doesn’t just have to do with love/Women get nothing for marrying for free" : hypergamy

"Loving someone how they want to be loved vs. Loving them the way you want to love them"

“Differentiating between steady boundaries and self -sabotaging as a trauma response: how to identify & what to do”

“Your anger is the part of you that knows your mistreatment."

people pleasers

"love isn’t enough to make a relationship work"

"Rules for Navigating Men That Aren’t The One" (this is a really old post,but it falls under the category)

“What it means to love unconditionally & accept people for who they are”

“Healing attachment styles”

“When people say “please stop saying choose better or stop telling us to choose better because you know men pretend to be someone completely different in the beginning and then change.””

***

divine feminine/divine masculine:

"Broken femininity is generational trauma"

"cancer moon placements & the mother"

"Marriage doesn’t just have to do with love/Women get nothing for marrying for free" : hypergamy

"divine feminine in a twin flame connection: the best thing you can do for your divine masculine is keep loving yourself more"

divine feminine & divine masculine affirmations: Aug 21, 2023

“divine feminine & learning to transmute energy: introduction”

“Whatever you give a woman she will multiply it & give it back”

wounded feminine energy vs wounded masculine energy

““A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek him just find her."”

twin flames, soul mates, & karmics:

"divine feminine in a twin flame connection: the best thing you can do for your divine masculine is keep loving yourself more"

"separation & no contact in high level soul connections"

"is it possible to have increase of sexual energy before meeting your twin flame?"

"some twin flame connections could be toxic and can be hard to deal with, is this true?"

***

I believe that’s it guys, well not all of it ofc there are post I left out that were just little thoughts and think pieces I had that weren’t really all that relevant but most of anything important or sought after is right here. I’d like to say, that some of posts are really old and my format and theme was completely different so when and if you click on them and they look extremely foreign or aren’t well executed that’s why, I’ve been running this blog since 2020/2021, thank you. 💋

***

My social media platforms:

Instagram:

Main: @cooki3face_

tarot acc: @cookiefacetarot

Tiktok:

@cooki3face

***

about me post ❤️

Last updated: Friday, February 9, 2025 @ 2:35 pm

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raisedbythetv89 · 11 months

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To me, I don’t think Buffy or the audience can ever truly know if she’s in love with angel or just in attachment with him. I believe she is just in attachment and especially before innocence and after his encounter with the first, just full on enmeshment with him. No boundaries whatsoever, his pain is her pain (which is extremely common in parentified children who feel they have to protect their parents from their pain like what buffy does with joyce), just like how she describes her feelings towards riley later which is NOT a good thing, empathy is good, taking on others pain as if it’s your own is extremely unhealthy. (Yes I’m pulling on my psych degree for a tumblr post, human behavior and buffy are two of my special interests)

What I mean by “in attachment” is that she has all of the same anxieties and insecurities about angel that she does with her father. Angel’s erratic and unpredictable behavior plays on her anxious avoidant attachment style SO AGGRESSIVELY. He keeps showing up, giving her little information at all and even less about himself and then vanishing leaving her hanging, and anxiously wondering about him which can mimic thinking you’re romantically interested when really it’s just an unresolved problem you desperately want to solve. She has a lot of valid criticisms about him before they’re officially together about his inconsistencies, him treating her like a child, him being too old for her and then all of a sudden she’s saying she wants to die when they kiss and that she loves him (after he forces her to say she loves him before he’ll tell the truth about drusilla). That is exactly how falling into attachment goes. Once you’re hooked all your feelings that are caused by a bad relationship with a parent are projected onto the partner who you are unknowingly recreating that dynamic with which is why such intense and strong feelings can happen so quickly and suddenly you’re ignoring all concerns you had before forming this attachment with someone.

He’s not her soulmate, he’s just the first guy to treat her like her father did and if you don’t address that cycle the relationship is recreating it can be impossible to move on because they will ALWAYS feel like something is unresolved and if you don’t know why you feel that way you can misinterpret it as true love or destiny because why all would you suffer so much and still love them if it wasn’t? It’s a mistake SO MANY of us make in our romantic relationships and these portrayals of unhealthy attachments being sold to us a soul mates doesn’t help us at all.

She does it with Riley also but she walls herself off so she doesn’t get AS attached to him as she did angel but their relationship is still her trying to fix the relationship with her father by changing herself so maybe this time he’ll stay. It’s why his opinion still matters so much to her when he comes back in season 6 despite him being a truly awful person to her who has done nothing but make mistakes and whose opinion should not matter to her at all after everything he put her through. He is another pseudo father figure she craves approval from.

It’s why I love her relationship with Spike so much despite all the bad they go through before season 7. We know her feelings are real because Spike doesn’t play on her anxious-avoidant attachment at all because he is ALWAYS there even when she’s mean and claims she doesn’t want him there. And to me everything they do to each other makes perfect sense, their relationship is exactly what two people with severe trauma and one with anxious-avoidant and one with just anxious-attachment going into a relationship together looks like. You hurt each other A LOT because you’re working out all your issues with each other and they don’t have ANY help from a therapist or someone who can help minimize the hurt so they both just use their worst coping mechanisms and the fact that they go through all that and still get to be together and happy and healthy on the other side is just everything to me because that so rarely happens in the real world, where you get to be with the person who was also a catalyst for healing and having to go through all that suffering together only to have to start over -hopefully from a much better place - but still with someone else BLOWS. So Spike and Buffy to me are about hope and healing (including the unpleasant and very ugly, dark parts of healing people rarely talk about) and getting to do each phase of that with someone AND enjoy being happy and whole together is just UGHHHH I love it so much.

#spuffy

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soshadysoquiet · 8 months

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If I could re-write TUA s3 - Allison Edition

Key Allison S1 traits:

Default Rumours - her default from childhood to 1-2 years ago (max as far as I can tell) is to rumour people to get what she wants / needs. She even returns to using them when faced with the threat of Viktor despite their recent conversation

Wants to Connect - Allison wants a connection to her family, especially Viktor, but also takes the time to interact with most of the others.

Lashes out when angry - comments by Viktor

Quiet when disappointed / hurt - comments by Luther and Diego esp.

Is not trusted / respected by those closest to her over big matters: Namely Viktor and how to handle The White Violin-ness / basement - would be interested to see why people think this is, lots of possibilities...

Allison covers up things she's ashamed of / guilty of until called out - Claire's custody, her childhood rumour etc.

Allison smokes occasionally and drinks at least socially.

Key Allison S2 traits:

Again off rumours, but defaults when threatened / others are.

Has found / is still trying to connect to people - although here the show starts doing its characters massive discredit in my opinion; swapping to them bonding almost purely through experience and humour rather than words and affirmations - her scene with Luther at the BBQ is one of the few of these, but her and memory -returned Viktor defo deserved an on screen convo about this, hell they all did.

Lashes out when angry - physically now vs verbally and to the point of cruelty, such as with racist biggots (so no judgement there just observation). - Is this an upspike due to stress, or a return to form? We don't know enough about how Allison used rumours as a child to be sure.

Quiet when hurt / disappointed - with Ray following rumour convos esp.

Still not trusted / respected: How best to stop Viktor (again), Ray and her never having a reaffirming convo following their last rumour question - no shade on Ray, but is sad to see that she's still not trusted unconditionally by someone. (especially when we're later meant to believe, or, worse, Allison believes Ray was perfect. Seriously these kids are all so traumatised they need so many hugs.

Still hiding guilt / shame - her powers now mainly and past. Don't think Ray even knows she had a daughter before.

Allison now drinks when very stressed, does not smoke any more - odd choice to change this without explanation (they have an obvious get-out with her throat but, still) or is it to indicate she hasn't needed to do this with Ray in her life?

Which, sigh, leads us onto S3:

Key Allison S3 traits and where they are / aren't consistent:

Use of rumours: Oddly mixed, using them at odd times and only really severely - now I know part of this is for plot progression but Ive written my proposals below so just to bear in mind. Is now occasionally so desperate to fix things with rumours that they go into really bad territory or she's rumouring herself.

Desperate for connection - sadly now because of her trauma at this point, her attachment style becomes very anxious (with Viktor, Luther) aggressive in convo-style or deeds (with Luther, Diego, Lila) or completely despondent (with everyone else between her and Viktor in ep 2 and when she and Sloane share a moment after Luther's dad-demise.)

Lashes out when angry, ahem, yeah. Following her finding out about Claire this skyrockets. I'd say this reaction is actually pretty on-brand for her character, but I think (will go into below) that the show could have handled her having this reaction whilst doing it in a different fashion. To a point they're picking elements from the comic - where Allison does indeed rumour Luther to kiss her, but this show also isn't word for word from the comics, so I think we can alter things...

Quiet when hurt / disappointed - she frequently takes herself away to drink more / after a scathing comment / shuts herself away in room or try to rumour herself to be happy.

Still not trusted / respected by those closest to her: Viktor especially has a part to play in this this season, who just doesn't trust her with information. The rest generally brush her aside, even the Sparrows are dismissive of her. It's a lot. I know none of them listen to each other, which by this point is canonically insane (Allison's track record for good gut feelings should be more well recognised by the sibs just as much as Five's apocalypse sense always being dead right.)

Covers up her guilt / shame still - such as the Luther Business

Allison now drinks frequently from the stress and smokes again.

So, here's my reviewed S3 with the above in mind:

Stronger gut feeling that something is wrong following Sparrows in the Umbrella Academy

Less jokes, more genuine worry when they're all injured after - though increasingly distracted by need to hunt for Claire.

Claire business and Viktor's transition goes the same - though maybe she could ask one of the fam to come with her? Luther pos? Just as a thought.

The fam have the same initial non-reaction that Viktor berates them for - I'm not sure if they actually know or not / how much they know

Cafe scene can go the same way OR Allison starts quietly but then shouts 'heard a rumour you all Shut Up'/etc to stop the cacophony of noise - maybe then bolts, Harlan gets spotted etc. This begins the slippery slope of regressing back to the mean of her rumour use.

I think it's then 1st Kugalblitz meeting? Honestly when Diego is complaining about Stan initially Allison's reaction could become more 'I heard a rumour you stopped complaining about having a child'/etc [- which could then lead to an interesting Diego arc. I find it interesting that Allison doesn't interact with Stan once, in fact other than Diego and Klaus, I don't think anyone else even talks to him. Which is pretty awful when you think about it - I would like to see Allison then leave, try and bond with Stan but she just can't feel it / it's too much and she retreats again] - could then start trying to pep talk herself out of using rumours / rumour herself in the mirror.

Kugalblitz conversation - at this point Allison might be threatening rumours just to give herself that pause before a freefall 'If you don't get to the point you're getting rumoured' the fam starts to notice this change in her and are leery of it - I'd love to then see some snippets from their childhood but alas, a gal can but dream

As the season progresses, Allison's rumours become more desperate and connection-coded (rather than non-con coded, thanks for that TUA) so when they have Briefcase chat at sparrows, she rumours them to give her the briefcase (they are compelled to go with her to where it was / is - the hotel.) Viktor and her can bluster about the rumours on the way back vs following the plan 'it's not like anyone ever follows MY plans or we might not be here in the first place' could be a good take for Allison. On the way to the hotel does she try and rumour Ben into being more like their Ben / remembering?

Back at the hotel we can then have Sparrows Vs Brellies + Harlan - Fei sent some birds secretly to alert the others IDK

Then we have Sloane Vs Allison - the Interrogation grunge match. At this point Allison is done, so she just tries all kinds of rumours and Diego is a bit more cautious - gives a 'hey maybe calm it down' as he got rumoured earlier so 'I heard a rumour you backed me up for once' and he he's just saying 'I am!' Allison doesn't really notice that the rumour doesn't have much effect, for Luther's interruption he gets 'I heard a rumour you listened to me for once' and he does, and he's angry - but after it's worn off he thinks back about when he hasn't listened in the past. *This replaces her Other Luther rumour for me because I don't need to see that - I'm still half convinced it also serves a dual purpose as just a way to also show a woman getting sexually overpowered even though she'd 'asked for it' so it's completely bleh bleh bleh no either way for me and we don't need it*

Her and Diego have a convo - you know you didn't need to rumour me back there, I already have your back - Allison going into how it's felt like no one's had her back for the last year, going into the constant stress of living in Dallas, could mention 'apart from Ray, and now I've lost him too' [I'm curious here of what is more therapeutic - the racist-people-beat up at the bar or Allison actually getting a meaningful connection and sharing some of that emotion, I'd like the second to come into play to start giving her some emotional room here, but don't want to deny her and Diego some pay back, food for thought]

Five and Lila come back, Allison sees he had the brief case, possibly 'you had this the whole time?' 'did have' Allison lashes out - some cutting remark I can't think of, but leading to basically 'I heard a rumour that you actually cared!'/etc (about us / my daughter) Five just replies with 'I do' and he's pissed but as with Diego it's no different than how he was anyway

Viktor and giving up Harlan moment - Can't remember if Allison was there for that or having a moment to gather herself???

Five maybe gives her the time for one of his Awkward Gramps Bonding convos about how he does care, Allison vents a bit, he says he's trying to fix it, Allison can say she's not sure that's enough and maybe Five says 'I've wondered that all my life' or something equally sad and the two of them and Klaus share a drink and look at his peeled skin, lovely bonding. Allison there to hear that Klaus kinda died- maybe asks him to clarify, but how did you survive then? The three of them ponder, Allison reflects she has more to lose still. They all go off to the biker gang with Five bc why not. [in the bar there there's a fight and Klaus dies but comes back - Allison can try to rumour him back to live bc I love stories where she does that, Five can actually have A Reaction to a sibling dying / go on a little psycho murder spree that Pogo sees and is like oh shit they are more Reggie Kids. Allison helps rumour Five to calm down (they could have one of their comic-canon chats about his urge to kill Vs not wanting to) Klaus re-alives himself and they find out well shit he's immortal. Pogo tells them about Reggie's madness. Klaus is all - huh maybe I shouldn't have taken him off the pills then, oh well.

Back at the hotel, Viktor has snuck Harlan out to do Special Training (I've probs got the timeline a bit wrong but eh) Lets make this better by if we real need Harlan to die he can die via giving his powers back with just enough life for a Meaningful Death Convo with Viktor as he goes but Viktor still feels guilty.

Maybe the K5A tag team turn up in time for this and Klaus keeps trying to get in to stop the storm-swirl of powers (the three of them all try, trying to 'save' viktor - Allison can gain her power upgrade this way, Klaus can have a 'funny death montage' as the team realise he's the only one who can get through - this also powers Klaus up enough to banish ghosts - maybe there's a lot around Harlan from the accidents he's had. Five can, like, have a breakdown seeing Klaus re-die over and over again it finally breaks him and Allison does what she can to help.

They all go back, Five making unceremonious use of Harlan's body to appease Sparrows and Allison and Viktor having a bit of a fight now because it came out about the mothers, Klaus also upset - went to talk to dad for nothing?? Allison (to just them? to hotel?) 'I just want you to Trust Me for one god damn day!' and rumours - a number of them, well shit, now she's actually responsible for that - apologises but no no, they trust her, it's fine - we can see the consequenses of her rumours in a dif way here. Allison ashamed and they all keep turning to her for her opinion for stopping the Kugal blitz etc - she's freaking out a bit and having to employ team work - doesn't want their trust if it's blind like this but also shows that she's able to connect to them all to get the best from them - what was the math whizzes' plan - will it work Five - well I trust you Allison - and I trust you, all of you, so will it work? - this way the fam also see the trust she's able to put in them

Kugal blitz of course blows, they go to the hotel at the end, Allison thinks she's lost her chance to see Claire. Reggie being there and weird and no one listening to him save Ben.

Allison gets to go to the bachelor party and karaoke with her idiot brothers god dammit - it's a 'lets make sure Allison knows we're here for her too' moment - awkward as it is, naturally

Reggie corners Allison still, she's lost and grieving her daughter still and has had A Lot the last while. He cuts her the deal and she goes to the others, when you said you trusted me - I'm asking you genuinely to now - they go fight the Kugal - takes some convincing, Five's done and broken from all the breakdowns over Klaus dying, Klaus is actually expressing his emotions with his siblings after being angry for being withheld info from and 'I told you so' Luther just wants to get married, Ben is being Ben and her and Viktor need to re-connect a bit more than the others whilst Diego is worried about Lila- So Reggie does in Luther, Klaus, they go to Oblivion and the rest is more or less as it was except it's less agro and more Teamwork Yay we love to see it.

When Allison presses the button, the others don't fight her on it - they trust her. She presses that button with a smile - end of S3!

If you've read this far, I hope you enjoyed my Ted Talk 😂

#tua #the umbrella academy #allison hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #diego hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #luther hargreeves #five hargreeves #season 3 #It could have been better #or at least different #A re-imagining to give Allison a more satisfying arc #potentially anyway

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secretlythepits · 4 days

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Love in Action, Love in the Stars

I’ve vacillated on how I feel about the idea of love languages. When I first heard about it, I was gobsmacked. Amazing! That was years before I even met my husband, when I was utterly single.

At one point in my marriage, when I was a bit frustrated, I remembered and tried to work with it. I told my husband about it, but he didn’t really take it in or care much. Still, I observed him and saw him give me Acts of Service. I mirrored him because I saw that’s what he liked. Mostly, whenever I wanted to bring us closer, I’d bring him beverages as a quick way to connect: Ice water when he was outside, a beer or coffee if he was watching tv. It sounds funny, but we’ve always been good at responding to each other’s small gestures. If one of us takes a step closer, the other does the same.

But he wouldn’t/ couldn’t speak to me in my love languages: Affection and Words of Affirmation. I continued to speak his language and mine to him, but he only replied in his. After a time, I started feeling resentful. I saw the feminist problem with love languages: that women are the ones who primarily read about and apply this idea, while men just keep doing what they always did. Did love languages con me into doing all the work in the relationship and trick me into giving him a free pass?

I stopped my Acts of Service campaign and he didn’t notice or make more of an effort, but things got less pleasant between us. I started speaking more frankly and harshly about my needs not being met. I learned about attachment styles and guess who is anxious and guess who is avoidant? There was a stale mate in the air as we needed to change but I was no longer willing to do my part without getting what I wanted in return.

And then I rekindled my long lost love of astrology. I went deeper than ever before, getting into planets and houses and transits. My husband is a Capricorn. My dear friend, who is both a kindergarten teacher and an astrologist, observed that my husband shows his love and devotion through action. That’s being a Capricorn, the cardinal earth sign. It is who he is and who he has always been and if I looked at just his actions, I would see a pattern of consistent effort demonstrating how much he loves me.

I am a Scorpio, the deepest water sign. In fact, I am a fixed water sign, so I’ll always want to stay in the deep waters of emotions. Words and feelings are ocean in which I exist.

For some reason astrology resonates more profoundly with me than love languages and attachment styles. All three thought methods explained our differences, but astrology taught me not to try to change it. Astrology invites me to just accept it. We are who we are and rather than trying to change each other, bridge a gap, or heal deep trauma wounds. I can just observe, accept, and appreciate our differences.

Right now, our house is project central. My husband is hiring people right and left and wielding chainsaws and screwdrivers to put our house in tip-top shape. He is taking care of our future needs as best he can, while he still has strength. It is love in action. It’s also the fear he can’t find words for. It’s also my practical earth sign being who he has always been and will always be: someone who takes care of business.

And when I bring him a glass of water, when I handle the serious talks with the kids, I am being who I am: the water sign who has the language and insight to flow into the gaps of silence and complete the understanding.

It feels so good to settle

into the stars.

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romaine2424 · 11 months

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Daily Blog June 27, 2023

Arg! I'd hoped to spend sometime planting the pretty flowers I bought yesterday but to my dismay I discovered an invasive weed was mixed in with my Shasta Daisies, which are just about to bloom. The kind of weed that attaches to your clothes and skin. Gloves came out and two hours later, I made a huge dent. Flowers tomorrow.

I had mentioned there were would be additional categories I'd throw into the mix and today I have one I've been anxious to get to. I'm going to call it Magical Elves. They are the people who help make fandom run. I mentioned @phoenixacid in an earlier post, who has been hosting @hd-fan-fair for ten years. This category will cover folks like her and that do even more...yes, even more...

What I'm reading:

On the Discord Drarry Fans Writers and Artists there is a channel for recs. I stole this one from there but then discovered I'd already read it. However, it was long enough ago that I don't remember all of the details. I think I read it when it first came out and before I hopped back into fandom in spring of 2021. The Ordeal of Being Known (146k) by @lou-isfake. I'm only on chapter 3 right now but I just love this Draco and his Oscar the Grouch house-slippers and his house-elf Timsy. The writing is so fresh and clever, I find myself smiling most of the time. Here's the summary, which I think gives you a flavor of the writing style I'm talking about:

When Auror Potter is anonymously cursed with silence by being forced to hide his own voice inside his mind, there's unfortunately only one person in the country with the qualifications to fix it: Certified and Licensed Healer Legilimens, Draco Malfoy, specialist in Mind Curses and Afflictions. It's obviously a terrible idea, a disaster waiting to happen, but Draco's never been able to back down from a challenge... especially from Potter. Features fuzzy cartoon slippers, devious house elves, 90s music, and lots—LOTS—of memories. Ron is annoyingly hot, Hermione sees right through you, Harry is a powerful idiot, and Draco is a reclusive masochist that would buy an entire city if it would make a kid happy. (And Pansy is "5'2, I wanna dance with you, and I'm sophisticated fun.")

Go read The Ordeal of Being Known on AO3.

Hit the Keep Reading!!!!!

Magical Elves:

The first person I want to highlight in this category is actually someone I've met in person at HP Cons and we've stayed in touch over the years in real life. *hugs darlin* You've probably seen @sassy-cissa's name as an author or maybe an email asking you about a fic for a fest but I'm betting most of you have no idea how much she's done for fandom for more than a decade and half, especially for Drarry fandom.

Let me list the ways in how awesome she is:

Current modding responsibilities:

25 Days of Draco and Harry (started in 2009) What 2009 ? Oh my! And do you know she reads each and every story posted for the fest and comments, too! HD Mpreg Fest – (started in 2011 – I've been modding since 2018) HD Fan Fair/Career Fair – co-modding since 2019)

Previous modding responsibilities:

Co-mod for H/D Erised from 2014 to 2018 Moderated the H/D Prophet from about 2016 to 2021

See that last one H/D Prophet. Take a look at the link just for a moment. Every Drarry WIP that was updated that week was listed, fests' status, drabble prompts, etc...Every single week. The prophet soon closed down after a few more months due to lack of participation (fandom had moved away from LJ).

Communities owned and/or Maintain:

On LJ: Slythindor100 and HarryDraco Mpreg On Tumblr: H/D Mpreg and Slythindor100

In addition, why yes there is more, Sassy writes, too, and beautifully! Sassy-Cissa (on AO3). Over 109 stories, mostly Drarry, some Hermione/Severus and a few Harry/Ginny...but as she put it....(but they usually end up divorced or Ginny dies). *snicker*

And she's on FanLore! And she also betas for some of the best.

So I know this is long but I just want folks to be aware of those working in the background, making our experience here in fandom enjoyable and filled with lovely content. They truly are magical elves. Sassy doesn't post much on Tumblr or on Discord but she does pop-in now and then. Next time you see her name, you'll now know who she is.

Tumblr Tidbit:

Did you know that you can edit the text below the Keep Reading line on your post and it will make the changes to all reblogs of your post. Edit above and sorry the reblogs will show the original. This comes in handy if you're making a Masterlist of works or something else that has lots of links or needs to be updated frequently.

Happy Tuesday and Sorry this was so late. My ancient computer decided to crash multiple times. Rom

#romaine2424 daily blog #June 2023 #Magical Elves

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ina-nis · 3 months

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One of my therapy practices had to do with attachment styles and I went to see how did it change for me - because I knew it has changed again.

I went through them all.

I used to have an anxious attachment style, then I spent many years with a disorganized/fearful-avoidant attachment style and, more recently, I've reached avoidant-dismissive... but not for the reasons one would think.

I have a lot of issues with the whole concept of "attachment styles" because it feels very much like astrology. It's prescriptive and judgmental, without any room for nuance. The "avoidant" is as much as a boogeyman as the "narcissist". Someone with a working brain can see the issues in this and how it can be much more harmful than helpful.

For the avoidant-dismissive style, there's the assumption that a person closes themselves to others, not letting people in too close, and this is why they behave that way, and not the reverse.

Yes, of course I find it difficult to open up to others and let people in, because I feel like it's a waste of my fucking time? Because I always end up having to do the emotional labour in these connections, because I always end up having to compromise core values and boundaries for the sake of staying together.

"Emotional intimacy, trust, and dependency on others are difficult concepts for you. You prefer to create personal boundaries and rely on yourself" are indeed difficult for me because the majority of people I've met are more interesting in fucking around and/or having casual relationships, which I have no interest in (because I have plenty of those already).

All the time, all this time, I'm here busting my ass in therapy, trying to fix my shit and chasing people after people, and I cannot fucking trust them because they can't even do the bare fucking minimum. Why the fuck should I keep on going with someone that I can already see, from the start, it's not good for me? How many times I've had this exact same conversation with myself and reached the exact same conclusion?

I'm angry because this is something that I'll have to sit with in therapy and talk and I'll be made to feel like this is my fucking fault when it really isn't.

Instead I'll be labeled an avoidant (the irony of this term coming up again after so long, huh?) and difficult when I'm literally, physically and mentally exhausted of trying to bond with people that have no fucking interest in me? Or only temporarily? Or only casually? Or only sexually? Etc etc etc etc etc......................

"Well, just keep on looking then!" I am doing that already! It's exhausting too! I'm in a constant state of social exhaustion because of that. It's a pain in the fucking ass.

Yes, I'll keep on relying solely on myself because I cannot count on other people to do shit for me. I cannot trust people won't bail the moment shit hits the fan - because they always fucking do, how funny, huh? I won't let people in to be hurt again.

I'm going to filter people through very strict and demanding ways, my quality of life is a priority for me. My internal peace too. I don't need others and I sure as fuck don't need dead weight around me.

I'd love to be in a relationship. I feel like I'd do anything in my power to make that happen AND YET I'm just one side of the coin here. It can't work if I'm doing all the work. It can't work if I'm the only one wanting it. It can't work if communication is shit. It can't work if I'm the only one investing time and energy, making sacrifices and compromises to accommodate another. It can't work if a relationship is not being prioritized and nurtured properly.

Of course I'm an avoidant, I'm protecting myself from the sea of literal shit that is other people, and it's infuriating to me that I can't help but love them.

I'm not going to blame myself anymore. Not for a problem of social nature. I'm doing what I can. I'm following the treatments to the best of my ability.

It doesn't depend only on me.

Let me be an avoidant if that means I'm not subjecting myself to subpar relationships and bullshit from others. I hate being single, loneliness greatly harms me but the alternative - this bullshit - is literally unbearable. I don't want to go through something like this ever again, no thank you!

#avoidance #avoidant #inanis post #loneliness

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fashionably-forgetful · 7 months

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Do You Have An Anxious Attachment Style?

An anxious attachment style is one of the three primary attachment styles in adult relationships, based on attachment theory developed by psychologist John Bowlby and later expanded upon by Mary Ainsworth. The three main attachment styles are anxious, avoidant, and secure. Anxious attachment style is characterized by a strong desire for emotional closeness and a fear of abandonment or…

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spurgie-cousin · 3 months

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i'm just scared all of the time, and i can't maintain friendships because I get anxious and need constant reassurance. It's tiring. I think I lost my closest and oldest friend who understands my issues and have done so much, because I thought she was pulling away, and wrote a long ass paragraph about me apologizing for being a bad friend and I'm just... so tiring but I can't stop or else I'm going to miss the social cues.

i don't know if you're looking to vent or for advice, so if it's the former I'm sorry you're going through that and just ignore the rest of this. if it's the latter, there's likely a deeper issue causing your need for constant validation and until you figure out what that is and address it, there will never be anyone who can validate you enough to soothe that anxiety. It's like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it.

one truth that i think can be hard to come to terms with while struggling w/ mental health/neurodivergence issues is that we are ultimately still responsible for how we treat others. that doesn't mean we don't deserve understanding from the people around us or that the things we struggle aren't serious, but what it does mean is that other people don't owe us *endless* grace and forgiveness if our behavior is affecting them. esp if we're aware of that behavior and there are things we can do to address it. it doesn't feel good to not be trusted or to constantly have your intentions questioned.

obv there is a ton of nuance to that statement but I say this as someone who struggled with anxious attachment in the past and lost relationships over it. doing some reading and eventually reaching out to a professional helped me do a 180 in that dept. of course i can't say "do x and y and it'll fix everything" bc everyone's different, but even just doing some research on anxious attachment styles can be really really helpful.

#advice #mental health #I'm a broken record but the only way to fix these kinds of issues is to address them head on and for me that easiest with a professional to #help guide me.#at some point you have to take responsibility for your own healing

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sucuretcannelle · 10 months

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INTEGRITY– Do they stand firm in their beliefs? Would they lie or refrain from disagreeing to avoid confrontation?

LOVE– What attachment styles do they experience? How involved are they in their friends, family, and loved one’s worries, hopes, or goals? Do they turn to their loved ones for support? Do they let people who love them help them?

SELF-CONTROL– How easy is it for them to perform a new task well? If they want something, how hard is it for them to wait?

For Ai, Nash, and Jason ^ :D

𝐖𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡

—Aibreanne Raye Haius, Heiress to the Empire

INTEGRITY– Do they stand firm in their beliefs? Would they lie or refrain from disagreeing to avoid confrontation?

Aibreanne can be a bit shifty with some of her beliefs, but that's because she's in a position where she's constantly learning things. If it's something deeply relating to her character, it'll take way longer for her to change her opinion.

Aibreanne doesn't lie a lot, but that doesn't mean she strives to be honest most of the time. If there is something she wants to hide, she just stays neutral when asked about it. Usually it is to avoid confrontation about things she's not quite ready to talk about.

Disorganized and anxious. It's not that surprising, her parents weren't the best and she never felt like anything she did was valid. She found it difficult to trust others and herself, has a strong fear of rejection, and an intense fear of abandonment. She doesn't show these things as much as she used to, but they're very much still there, and she may have gained some problems along the way.

Ai listens to her family and friends whenever they want to talk to her. With people she's closer with/less nervous around (Eliana, Char, and Alexi), she might press to know about their worries and goals, but that's just because she cares about them and wants to see them succeed.

Her first line of support is her parental figures (the mentors) and if they aren't available then she goes to Alexi and her closer friends...but that's only when she knows she can't fix her problems easily or quickly.

While she likes support and encouraging words, she feels a bit of panic when they offer to help. It makes her feel like she's putting some weight on their shoulders and that's the last thing she wants. If they do follow through with it anyway, she does end up feeling extremely grateful.

SELF-CONTROL– How easy is it for them to perform a new task well? If they want something, how hard is it for them to wait?

Aibreanne is a jack of all trades, so most of the time she can be unusually good at things even though she claims that she's never done them before.

Aibreanne is getting more used to being Wrath, but wrath is just now starting to get used to her. Due to her sin (and a lack of stability with her powers revolving around it), recently, she's been starting to get physically ill when she has to wait too long for something. In fact, she's been getting a bit ill with things that would normally irritate her just a bit. She should get that checked out

Anyway with time it'll even out but she still won't have the patience she used to have when she was a mortal

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞

—Nash Morningstar, Bounty Hunter

INTEGRITY– Do they stand firm in their beliefs? Would they lie or refrain from disagreeing to avoid confrontation?

Always. The only way someone could convince him to change his beliefs is when they do not service him anymore

Nash only really lies about small things. Big things? He usually does them on purpose and doesn't feel the need to lie about them unless it'll cause chaos around him for a long time

Avoidant. He loves being around people but deep down he feels like he can either do just fine without them or he doesn't feel as connected to them as he thinks he is. It's not like he's not used to fending for himself either, that's what he grew up doing, and he could easily go back to that. He doesn't really acknowledge the fact that there are people that actually do love him and care for him.

Nash does find a lot of joy in helping the people he's closer to, even if he doesn't usually show that.

He tries his hardest not to turn to others for support (with serious problems). He finds it extremely humiliating when he can't do everything on his own and it's best if he's just left alone with his problems until he gives in and asks for help.

SELF-CONTROL– How easy is it for them to perform a new task well? If they want something, how hard is it for them to wait?

Depends on what it is. He can be either really good at it or really bad, no in-between.

Nash cannot wait for anything to save his life. If he wants something, he'll whine and complain about it till he gets it. Eventually he does fall silent though, which is kinda scary.

—Jason Jones, Lakeland Nurse

INTEGRITY– Do they stand firm in their beliefs? Would they lie or refrain from disagreeing to avoid confrontation?

Sometimes, not always. If he finds a few good reasons to change them, then he will.

Jason lies a lot. Most of them are to prevent arguments and it usually works. However, he can't really bring himself to lie about things that he knows will catch up to him in the near future.

A bit avoidant. After the death of his father he felt like he had to take care of everyone it affected, so he's not used to taking care of his own problems (he just lets them sit) and letting people help him.

With family, he usually wants to know what's going on with them (good and bad) and nothing will really get him to change that. With friends, sure he would like to know, but he wouldn't really ask unless they haven't talked about them in a long time.

Jason doesn't like to lean on others if he has the chance. He doesn't want to make them worry so he just keeps quiet about most of his issues.

If they really want to help, he won't stop them, but he might just give a simple "don't make me say I told you so" if he feels like the problem is deeper than they make it out to be

SELF-CONTROL– How easy is it for them to perform a new task well? If they want something, how hard is it for them to wait?

Jason is pretty average at everything. If it's a harder task, of course he's gonna struggle, but his skills are never surprisingly good or surprisingly bad

Jason is a very patient person, and that's a huge negative for him. He tends to wait for things that won't ever happen and it takes other people around him to make him snap out of it

#oc: nash morningstar #oc: aibreanne raye haius #oc: jason jones #content: ask game

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seesgood · 2 years

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psychology + mental health deep dive !

general mental health related trigger warnings apply. feel free to include more or exclude those facts / test results that take too much time or don’t apply, you can check out this list for more personality-related quizzes to include!

QUICK FACTS ,

diagnoses: none at present , probably some type of trauma related disorder depending on the verse / time. triggers: unexpected biting / roughness, mentions of former abuse / people calling her out on how she should react to damon’s abuse positive coping skills: organization, talking to people, likely breathing techniques or mantras negative coping skills: hyperfocusing on tasks, poor sleep management, avoidance, over-dependency / co-dependency, minimizing symptoms / history attachment style: anxious love language: words of affirmation + physical touch myers briggs / mbti: enfj

HISTORY EXPLORATION ,

are their diagnoses formal ( via a doctor, therapist, etc. ) or informal ( self diagnosis, a hunch, unrealized, etc. ) she’s never had any formal diagnosis but she probably would have fit criteria for like panic disorder or ptsd

have they ever been treated / medicated? she probably saw a therapist like one time at her dad’s request after the divorce, but she probably refused to go back. no medication history.

have they ever been hospitalized or treated on an inpatient basis? no

how old were they when they first started experiencing / realizing symptoms? mid-teens, she definitely started having a lot more anxiety-related issues when her dad left due to fears of not being “perfect” enough, and then it all came to a head after damon, when she would have panic attacks semi-frequently

do they have a family history of mental illness? none that she’s aware of

how was mental health handled / discussed in the family / community? it wasn’t! bill very likely discussed it in terms of being able to be treated / trained / conditioned out, so her view is that a lot of it can probably be “fixed” through some level of intervention, and therefore she probably grew up thinking that a lot of mental health aspects meant you were broken

what are their thoughts on mental health / their diagnosis? she refuses to think about it or acknowledge it because she doesn’t know how to properly explain it and she’ll minimize it to no end

in what ways has their diagnosis shaped their life or experiences? she’s never processed a lot of things because she’s never known how to, and therefore she just kinda keeps it all internalized and therefore if it’s brought up unexpectedly or she’s confronted with it, she doesn’t have the tools to manage the reaction

SYMPTOMS: note that all of the below are, on their own, normative and typical aspects of human functioning. they become “symptoms” when they last longer than “normal” or when they pose a significant impact on someone’s life / functioning.

BOLD all that are present, ITALICIZE those that are resolved or in the history.

depression. anxiety. panic attacks. dissociation. derealization. depersonalization. suicidal ideation. self harm. homicidal ideation. psychosis. auditory hallucinations. visual hallucinations. delusions. mania. hypomania. racing thoughts. hyperactivity. attention difficulty. flashbacks. nightmares. hyperarousal. hypoarousal. hypersexuality. hyposexuality. psychopathy. risky behavior. catatonia. somatic / bodily concerns. mutism. phobia. agoraphobia. hoarding. obsessions. compulsions. body dysmorphia. hair picking. skin picking. amnesia. illness anxiety / hypochondria. sensory loss. speech difficulty. comprehension difficulty. communication difficulty. tics. defiant behavior. irritable mood. vindictiveness. aggression. pyromania. kleptomania. paranoia. attention seeking. narcissism. avoidance. dependency. pica. rumination. food restriction. food binging. purging. soiling the bed. insomnia. fatigue. sexual dysfunction. delirium. developmental delays.

explanations / elaborations on any of the above symptoms:

she never self harmed in the typical sense, but she would definitely do things that qualify as inadvertent self harm --- like neglecting proper sleep scheduling to work on a project or not really taking care of herself. the dissociation and hypoarousal are both things that she experienced a lot after damon, as well as the panic attacks ( which can still pop up time to time )

tagged by: no one i made it :) tagging: @shesdaylight , @sithdestined , @desafia , @klarsynt , @sororanimarum , @negotiaetor , @webheadedhero , @littlebennettbitch , @lowsurvival , @fatedtragedy , @awalkoflife , @heirceleste , @eiiidetic + and everyone else bc im curious .

#ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ʙʟᴏɴᴅᴇ ᴅɪsᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ⸺ character study.

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nowis-scales · 1 year

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After finishing Blood-Splattered Child you should post a behind the scenes with all your struggles writing it and call it Blood-Splattered Writer😂

Oh my goodness, can you imagine? It would contain such wonderful segments as:

• Yes internal critic, I know you think Ryoma is out of character here, but that’s because he tends to repress his emotions, and the whole point of this fic is to make him stop doing that

• Haha you thought this was therapy JUST for Ryoma? No, whole Hoshido family, figure out your issues

• Oh my god wait this research site says the attachment type that best matches Ryoma’s isn’t all that likely for him?

• Ah great now I’ve gotta make Ikona more of a dick for realism

• WAIT A MINUTE that attachment style is most likely to happen in a situation where the parents inconsistently respond to the child!! Why is Camilla an anxious attachment style? She’s the one who should be disorganized! Poor Ryoma. His more likely attachment style is only considered sexy on Camilla but not on him. No “I can fix him energy” for you

• Anyway yeah Ikona still has to be worse, but this just proves that the writers didn’t do their research… which I guess at the very least doesn’t disprove my pitch here so crisis averted!

• If we want to go by Fire Emblem’s “medieval” shtick I’ve technically pulled Japan’s (Hoshido’s) attempted colonization of Korea (Seonbi) like waaaay too early considering I literally watched propaganda films they made, but… it’s still the Meiji era so fuck it, it counts, it’s an inspiration anyway

• Oh okay if I want to write some of these symptoms Ryoma would probably need an ex… I guess I have to make up a girlfriend for hi- WAIT. Akitomo is born.

• Aw shit, I shouldn’t’ve done friends to lovers with Ryotomo, now I’m attached to them as a couple and they’ve already broken up

• Alright and now I am going to write some of Ryoma’s insecurities and- whoops, that’s Takumi

• How do I write Ryoma and Hinoka close enough that she’s got some more insight than the others, but not so close that people start misconstruing their close relationship and telling me they don’t want to see either of them get with Camilla or Ryoma get with Felicia, and instead want to see them get with each other

• How do I get around having to research Meiji-era Japanese toilets for this scene?

• Spoiler alert: I did not get around researching Meiji-era Japanese toilets

• I need to think about balancing how often Ryoma’s problems are solved by his own volition and how often he is guided by the lesbians

• God, needing characters to come in and out from other countries is so annoying. Why’s everything gotta take so long? Can I use the Water Travel for the Vallites at least? Please?

• I am not writing Sumeragi close to how he canonically was, I’m just a child who was blessed with a great dad, so my reflex now when presented with this figure that is ambiguously a good dad is just to make a guy similar to my dad

• Oh fuck someone asked me why I made a particular choice and I can think of why I made it, but it needs evidentiary support, but I can’t find the evidentiary support anymore, goddammit!

• Oh god I almost implied that Ryoma and Felicia were already married by referencing the scene from their S-support where he makes the riceball for her during a platonic scene

• I need to stop putting my emotional intelligence onto Ryoma. He does not have that. It may be one of my strong points but it is not his

• Actually I need to stop doing this with the entire Hoshido family, they can’t all be emotionally intelligent but still have this many issues

… And that’s probably only the twenty I could come up with lol. If we tack on the actual personal life stuff that has happened while I’ve written it, then it could go on for much longer

#miscellaneous blood-splattered child content #unsuspecting-person asks

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mejomonster · 10 months

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I'm reading a book on dating called How Not To Die Alone and

1. Not the worst advice I've heard. Fairly researched base and to the point and mostly useful

2. I am intensely disappointed to say it has almost no advice on how to avoid abusive relationships. It touches on how anxious-avoidant attachment styles tend to attract each other, but not how that also can often align with addict-codependent, codependency generally, childhood/complex trauma and people repeating patterns they're unaware of (such as repeating the same abusive relationship pattern despite efforts they have Blind Spots so clear Red Flag information in this book would've been nice:/ ). It also does not go into how if you have no trouble finding a relationship, but a lot of trouble breaking up from a toxic relationship or finding yourself in repeated toxic relationships, then there may be some pattern that needs addressing. In a book ALL about finding a lifelong relationship, that seems kind of important to skip touching on? Given that like... if you follow its advice of making-it-work, committing to decisions (satisfier), and not hesitating to jump into dating (make yourself Date people now)... you can see how if someone's pattern to date say "people who are controlling" or "people who drive other connections of mine away and isolate me" or a personal pattern of "being passive rather than assertive and not enforcing ones boundaries" well... with such a pattern, following that advice could easily lead to "Oh I'm dating a guy who says I can't call my mom or he screams, I am working it out by talking with him to not yell and he says he'll stop then yelled again when I tried to call a friend, a cop had to come because he threw some things but I committed to this relationship and he's Such a great loyal partner he Never Cheats and I'm sure we can work this out! After all, I WORK on things, I'm satisfied with the CHOICE I made, and I want to actively be in a relationship instead of running away!" And now they're in a relationship where perhaps it's safer at rhat point to break up and move somewhere safer. :/ anyway I have cptsd and while I'm fairly aware of my "blind spot" instinctive habits caused by said trauma, I would have appreciated more of a framework of how to include "screening for red flags" and "setting boundaries" and "when its unsafe to stay in a relationship/when youve done enough and should break up instead of being the omly one putting in effort" when following this books advice. Although this book did say 50% of people securely attach so maybe the advice is for them? But the book said they're mostly in relationships! Leaving the book to say anxious and avoidant people should seek out the Few secure attached partners left to date. While the book... still doesn't give much advice for those anxious and avoidants who Often run into each other on how to check for compatibility/red flags, how to healthily provlem solve versus when they need To LEAVE and give up on trying to fix (you know... the way codependent people have the tendency to try to fix to the point they should probably leave and help themselves and leave others to focus on themselves).

3. This books advice for people who Hesitate to date was to... set a deadline to date within 3 weeks. Maybe I'm a pessimist. But I feel like if I were to successfully meet that deadline I'd have to date someone I know I'm incompatible with (as in I know I don't like them, I know our values don't match at all, I know they're looking for something I'm not like a hookup only etc). I sure hope (again) that this book covers "make some basic ass qualities you screen for and AVOID these X red flags". Because like... if the requirement is "person is unsure or looking for loving relationship, person is mildly attractive, person is single, person has vaguely similar surface values, person has at least 1 basic interest in common" I've found one match on a dating app for that in a year. Actually I lied. I'm not remotely interested in the one match I found so not even mildly the looks I tend to like, but I'd say maybe that's still dating material in case in person looks register different right. So like... the book suggests at least 1 date a week. I'm contemplating how on earth I'd find someone to match those requirements once a week lol. And that's not even including slightly less basic but rather useful traits I'd hope a dating partner has like "is somewhat honest and can respond okay and mostly honest if I attempt to communicate" and "can get transportation to some dates and pay occasionally" because I do not have the resources to constantly drive and pay for everything 100% all the time, and "can contact me first at least occasionally, responds in at least a week, and sooner if a text is urgent like I'm at X we are meeting at 2 where are you" and "can generally be independent of lover in the sense they can notice their own emotions, needs, wants, and stressors and either take actions to address them or communicate they need help" (to me if its say needing emotional support in ways i didnt notice, to family if its say help finding a job, to coworkers if it's say needing less hours, to a therapist if say they realize they need a professional etc). If someone can't tell me when they're upset and just starts screaming at me, or their life falls apart and they have no skills at just asking for some help and seeking some solutions, I'm not prepared to be someone's everything and I do not want to be. I don't want codependency. I want a partner who can call friends too, if say I'm exhausted. I want a partner who maybe likes me helping them apply for jobs but is also capable of doing it without me or going to a resource center to get help if they don't know how to do it. It's similar to the transportation thing: can they ride a bus or call a cab or family member if say I'm sick in the hospital and they have no car? Can they ask someone for a ride themselves, or will they be screwed if I don't drop everything for them. If I need them to come get me becayse I fainted and my family is far away, can they find a way to come get me themselves? Are they self aware enough to be able to admit when they're depressed or anxious and tell me so we can talk ways I can help, can they reach out to others if they realize they want or need their whole social support network? I hope so. And while I wish these were very common traits, they aren't always. There's plenty of people who do not address their own feelings or problems unless things get bad enough they are forced to. There's plenty of people who will do none of X work in their life if someone else will pick it up for them. I've been in codependent relationships before and I'm not doing it again. I would prefer to date someone at least mildly self aware and mildly responsible about addressing their own needs and problems and communicating important things (like when they need help, when they lashed out over a bad day, when they're hurting and need it addressed etc). People won't show these traits yes or no on day one. It takes a while.

Anyway back to the point I guess lol... I'm absolutely confused as to how to find someone who meets my basic "mildly nice looking, some surface values and hobbies in common, single, looking for unsure or long term love, no obvious huge red flags" like once a week. Maybe.... maybe you just "have to" ask out clearly incompatible people, for the practice???? So I guess I could whittle the requirement down to "not necessarily single, clearly not interested in the same thing so don't crush on them and stop any crush, not your kinda looks, but at least mildly similar values so you don't rip each others heads off, no obvious red flags like controlling/threatening/ignoring consent so a first date isn't dangerous" I guess that could be practice. Since them not being single would make them incompatible for me off the bat, and I'm not going to let myself like someone unavailable who won't want me long term. I'm not sure if this book is arguing I should waste time on dating incompatible people just for practices sake, tbh? My instincts say that sounds like a very very bad idea. Because I have some prior dating experience so I do know what is a red flag, what I like and dislike already, and how to be social and fun. And like... dating people I'm incompatible with just sounds like such a waste of the other person's time and energy (and mine) on time with people we won't ever be with again (except maybe as friends). Amd worst case, I catch feelings. Then get heartbroken it doesnt work, over obvious incompatibilities I was already very aware of.

#rant #as usual i guess the advice resding is actually stressing me out more #if i cant date once a week i wont find love????#did u know being in a bad relationship worsens your health? like how a #good relationship significantly improves your health.#wrll my health is shit. i dont really love the idea of worsening it by dating incompatible people week after week :/

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