#her whole thing is about what her absence did to OTHER people and has nothing to do with the girl herself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seresinhangmanjake · 4 months

Text

The Favorite

dad!Jake "Hangman" Seresin x reader

Summary: The Daggers meet your and Jake's baby girl for the first time and arguments over who will be her favorite aunt or uncle quickly follow.

Notes/Warnings: part of the Oh, Baby Universe, but can be read alone. Based on a suggestion from @tgmreader

Words: 1288

Between the ‘She’s like your clone, Jake,” from Nat, the ‘Is anyone else surprised Hangman beat us to the baby train?’ from Bob, and the offended ‘Wait, you two were hooking up and you didn’t tell me?’ from Javy, Jake is clearly exhausted. Not that he didn’t anticipate being worn out after introducing his daughter to his team, you both did, but the last forty-five minutes have far surpassed expectations.

Being confined in a room with the Daggers historically proves to have its drama—whether in the form of unnecessary argument or playful teasing—but with your new baby girl at the center of everyone's attention, drama has started to take on new meaning in the form of obsessively watching Eve as if she might start doing tricks or giving you both grief for not spilling every detail of your ‘sneaky, secret relationship’ before this moment. To your relief, though, they’ve steered clear of asking questions about your absence over the majority of the past year. They don’t push, knowing that information will be revealed with time.

“It’s just…” Mickey begins as his eyes snap back and forth from the baby to Jake, “...so weird.”

When you chuckle, Jake rolls his eyes. “It’s not weird,” he counters.

“It’s pretty weird, man. You’re, like, a dad.”

“Lots of people are dads,” Jake says as he runs his knuckle down the cheek of the infant in your arms—his new little love.

“Yea, but you’re the dad of Y/N’s baby.”

As Bradley snorts at the obvious, you look to Jake to check on the effect of Mickey’s unfiltered words. His eyes are on your face and you smile to soften the sudden twinge of uneasiness speckled amongst the various green flecks in his irises.

Though Jake has expressed mental security in his place within the lives of you and your child, you fear what might occasionally be running through his mind. The last thing you want infecting his confidence is the consideration that maybe this situation is weird, that maybe he isn��t meant to be the father of your baby because he wasn’t intentionally chosen for that role.

Eve wasn’t planned. You can’t change that. And the choices you made when you discovered your pregnancy are enough to have any man reasonably questioning himself. But there is no other man you want as your baby’s father. Jake is it. You’re pretty positive he was always meant to be it, because your brain refuses to picture another in his place.

Jake’s stare breaks when Bradley starts to speak. “We all knew how these two felt about each other, even though they were doing nothing about it,” he says, shooting you and Jake a smirk so quick it’s barely acknowledged before he looks back to the group of pilots. “I promise you guys, once it fully sinks in, it won’t feel so wild that they accidentally made a tiny human.”

Nat’s head snaps up from Eve, but her finger remains wrapped in the infant’s smaller ones. “When, exactly, were you given enough time for it to sink in?” There is suspicion in her tone. Then her eyes go wide. “Did you already meet the baby?” she asks before turning to you and Jake. “Did Rooster meet her before the rest of us?”

As if sensing the shift in the room, Eve lets out a little whine and starts to wiggle in your hold.

“Yes, Nat,” Bradley answers for you. You can feel the sass bubbling around him as his arms cross over his chest. “By a whole three days.”

“Three days matters,” she retorts. “It could be the difference that makes you Eve's favorite. The earlier the interaction, the better.”

“She’s only a few months old. You might still have a chance, Nat,” Reuben chimes from the sideline.

“Don’t bet on it,” Bradley snorts. His sass is so expertly conveyed you’re shocked his tongue doesn’t stick out to accompany his words.

You’d scold him if not for the fact that these two often enjoy ruffling each other’s feathers when the opportunity arises. It’s all in good fun, but sometimes, depending on the topic, the teasing aspect goes over their heads.

You suppose it’s flattering that being your child’s favorite is enough to cause a bit of an upset, but it’s wasted energy. Jake will be Eve’s favorite. The Father and The Favorite are not mutually exclusive, and you know in a room full of the people she loves most in the world, Eve will never fail to run straight into her father’s arms.

Nat, however, does not consider that inevitability as she carefully slips her finger from Eve’s to face the six-foot-tall brunet head-on.

Jake mutters a curse, fingers rubbing across his forehead.

With his hands raised, Javy takes a step forward as if to prevent a physical altercation. “Alright, everybody take a breath,” he says. The winning, cocky grin that has tempted a woman or two or thirty is spread across his face. Then he points to himself. “I'm going to be the favorite. I'm her father's best friend.”

“I don't think that guarantees anything,” Bob says, only to receive a scowl in return.

It’s then that Mickey throws his own name onto the ballot. “You know, if we base this on entertainment value, she’ll obviously like me best. I’m the funniest.”

“Also the most irresponsible,” Reuben adds.

“What’s that got to do with it?”

“Um, everything,” Nat clarifies as Bob nods in agreement. “For one, you’ll never be the babysitter.”

“If you were the babysitter you’d need a babysitter,” Bradley chuckles, patting Mickey on the back.

Bob clears his throat and pushes his glasses up his nose. “That is very true; it would be chaos. What baby Eve here could use is a calming presence, and that’s me, so–”

“I’m calm,” Reuben interjects, pulling a scoff out of Javy.

“You also come up with insane ideas that make everyone miserable,” Javy says. “What are you going to do, have the baby compete in challenges only to suffer through two hundred push-ups if she loses?” he asks. “I think that’s grounds for immediate disqualification.”

Reuben’s response is drowned out by the additions of each pilot arguing their case for favorite aunt or uncle, and you’re too drained from the last hour to attempt untangling voices.

Jake sighs and shakes his head before taking your hand in his and leading you out of the living room, up the stairs to where Eve sleeps. You’re thankful that, at some point, despite the noise filling the room where your friends remain, your little girl managed to fall asleep. As you place her in her crib, you glance at Jake.

He’s sitting on the loveseat on the opposite side of the room, one hand running down his face, the other reaching out for you. When you take that hand, he pulls you onto his lap, shifting around until you’re comfortable with your back leaning against the armrest. A palm draws a lazy line of warmth up and down your leg.

“You’re a trouper, Honey,” he says, eyes unmoving from your knee.

You chuckle. “It could’ve been worse.”

“We should’ve done it one at a time; single-file line. The last thing I wanted was for you to be overwhelmed.”

Sitting a little straighter, you reach up to cup Jake’s cheek and guide his face toward yours. “Jake, I wasn’t overwhelmed. I’m fine and so is Eve,” you promise him. “Besides, they’re my friends, too. I knew what we were getting into.”

Jake leans into your touch before turning his head to kiss your palm. “They’re all crazy,” he says.

“Yes, but they’re ours,” you reply. Then you nudge your head in the direction of the crib. “And now hers.”

---

tags: @wkndwlff @kmc1989 @sagittarius-flowerchild @dempy @oliviah-25 @rosiahills22 @xoxabs88xox @matisse556 @hardballoonlove @lynnevanss @pono-pura-vida @tgmreader @amgluvsbooks @ravenhood2792 @djs8891 @shakespeareanwannabe @sailor-aviator @penguin876 @tgmavericklover @athenabarnes @emilyoflanternhill @wretchedmo @shanimallina87 @crowsreadsarahjmaas @mamachasesmayhem @sky2nd @jessicab1991 @rosedurin @averyhotchner @horseshoegirl @roosteraloha @b-bradshaw @memeorydotcom @ryiamarie @ateliefloresdaprimavera

#jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #top gun maverick #jake seresin fic #top gun #jake hangman seresin fic #jake hangman seresin x y/n #top gun hangman #dad!jake seresin #jake seresin fanfiction #jake seresin fanfic #jake seresin fluff #tgm #tgm fic #dagger squad

531 notes · View notes

dulc3vida · 2 months

Text

bunny!reader

only daughter of a ranch owner who is always away on business and may or may not be a narco. moved to the obx when she was really young. she misses home a lot, mostly because she had a pet tiger. dad taught her how to use a gun and she even has a couple of her own porque una nunca sabe. was called "conejita" or "little bunny" growing up bc she was always hanging out with the bunnies.

best paired with rafe because she's such a niña fresa. her dad's a narco (ALLEGEDLY) so it's safe to say that she has been spoiled her whole life. has never heard the word no and immediately fell in love with the luxury and class of figure 8. bunny is preppy, high maintenance and expensive. her dad has always showered her in money and expensive things to makeup for his absence so when rafe is giving her that AND his undivided attention, she's in love. is it freudian as fuck? maybe. is it real as fuck? yes.

rafe does step into the dad role a lot for bunny, especially once he moves her into tannyhill. its definitely freudian for him as well bc it makes him feel important and needed especially in season 3. season 1&2 she's like a trophy to him and she doesn't know where she stands because he's beating up all the guys she likes but he doesn't want to be her boyfriend (subconsciously knows he isn't good enough for her). season 3 is when he looks at her and decides that that's his girl, forever. whatever means necessary.

bunny lets rafe take the lead most of the time, but she's very calculating. friendship is transactional, which is why she's not really friends with the kooky girls. she has a few friends but she's very cautious and curious about everyone she encounters. they want something from her (some of the attention she recieves) while they offer nothing in return. bunny is shy and timid but people misunderstand her and think she's a bitch. she's not mean, but she can be. she's possessive and especially hates when rafe, or anyone for that matter, touches/moves her things around.

she and rafe both first fall in love with the idea of each other (rafe sees her as the divine feminine and bunny sees him as the american dream) which is why when they both display "unsavory" characteristics (i.e. rafes actual insanity vs. bunny's temper) it catches them off guard. they keep each other on their toes. like when rafe finds one of her guns in between his couch cushions.

she's upstairs doing her makeup and he's looking for his vape, damn near tearing the couch apart. then his hand hits familiar, cold metal. he calls for her once and she bounces down the stairs, a pout on her face.

"you made me mess my eyeliner up."

"what the fuck is this, hm?" rafe sets the gun on the coffee table between them.

"it's called a gun rafe."

"hey, hey. don't get smart with me, where did this come from?"

"it's mine." bunny takes it from him and shoves it back between the couch. "don't worry, the safety's on."

rafe studies her for a second. "where are the other ones?" she rocks on her heels and glances to the side before shaking her head.

"just that one." she plays with her fingers and he knows she's lying.

"okay." rafe chuckles, wiping his mouth with one hand before swiftly grabbing the back of her hair, tugging her through the house to collect all the guns bc he doesn't want his bunny to get hurt.

another moodboard inspired by @princessbrunette and @starfxkr (aka two of the sexiest blogs on tumblr.com)

#bunny!reader #rafe cameron x bunny!reader #rafe cameron #latina!reader

205 notes · View notes

spotlightlowlife · 4 months

Text

Alastor hazbin let down

By overhype and a lack of tone setting.

He isn't creepy

Try as they may, the glitchy effects just tell me that this is a quirky character, only most of the cast are quirky in character just not too flashy.

Nobody is particularly menacing, including Alastor who so far has been a bit menacing to a character who isn't going anywhere and unnamed extras who not even Charlie 'everyone is worthy', 'these are my people/family' cared about.

His secrets mean nothing to anyone

Where has he been for seven years? The same absence period of Lilith? Who cares?

What Alastor knows is what the audience and clueless Charlie doesn't, but others do.

All someone else's talk

In the pilot it was Vaggie who let us know who exactly Alastor was and ehat he was capable of, she wanted no part of him around, but nothing to loose, no opinion in the matter Charlie did.

Mimzy in her passing visit told us more about him, she actually bought his character down to earth a little which was actually a good thing, Mimzy let us know that Alastor could be fun, reminded us that he had a whole life, she offered us a time frame of his existence and let us know he has friends/acquaintances/connections.

Though the 'bringing down to earth' negative aspect would happen too this episode, through no doing of Mimzys but entirely of Alastors. Unfortunately Alastor appears to have cut off Mimzy as a friend, leaving him with a shorter reach.

Any other reputable character steals his spotlight

Alastair was outshone by Mimzy, who literally interpreted his song baiting the actual devil. In this episode he showed that he wasn't all too composed when not in control of the situation or when outclassed, his attitude to Lucifer case in point, who he can't possibly topple any time soon in any way. All would be fine if we got to see what he did about it when he had time to himself or what he would do when things escalated, a missed opportunity being in the last episode he would lose to Adam, which was great, Alastor gave off overconfidence and lack of interest as usual, but by now we have seen how much he wishes to insert himself among those higher, only for him to treat Adam like a nobody - how did he feel about the looming danger he was in and not being in the same ballpark as someone who felt confident enough to challenge? Who knows, he as good as drifted away like piss in the ocean.

We didn't learn of any particular interest or reason for lack of in Adam, for someone who does so much research.

Between these encounters, Rosie too managed to stand out more than him as his confidant who successfully run an operation, had a clear goal, seemed unconditionally helpful, a people person and got through to Charlie with nice enough advice and a ear to listen.

He struggles to keep up an act, something that's not utilized at all when it could be

Being overactive to Lucifer, showing dislike for no apparent reason and dropping the bomb seems like it was meant to get a laugh out of the audience, only for Alastor to go on to continue tormenting Charlie's dad and to build a rivalry. If a rivalry was the intention then the usual composed attitude would have fit. If there's a reason for a hatred he struggles to contain, it's a shame the time wasn't made to delve into this.

Significant characters could have done with more time in general honesty.

In other media we have Good omens had composed and sweet angel Azraphale drop an unexpected but very understandable fbomb (which may have been the first of the series) when he accidentally lost his body of 6000 years. There was a build up of the looming end of the world, years of preventative work going to waste, nobody listening and a pest in his home.

HH really missed a beat in having a character like Alastor first snap for no particular reason.

In other media, Durarara did excellent at deconstructing and humbling an unbothered and mysterious troll character, this being Izaya. In this supernatural series he would manage to stand out and consistently be a strong villain/antihero, managing to not become lesser dispite going from a menace holding a number of cards who claimed to love humans, to being proven to be a human with the introduction of his sisters, his very uncomplex backstory and generally getting dealt with by the series's most illusive gangsters.

Coherence could make things work, hopefully there's less going on next time and the ensemble cast can be dispersed out a bit better.

Better luck next time Alastor

#hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel critical #good omens #durarara #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel fandom #character comparison

66 notes · View notes

hxnbi · 3 months

Text

「 CURSED 」

synopsis: love is a beautiful thing, but so too can it bring indescribable pain

— pairings: fushiguro megumi x gn reader

— disclaimers: profanity, angst, death, no comfort, gn reader

— word count: 2.9k

gojo version | masterlist

Megumi knew that his life was at risk each and every second he was out on the field. He knew what he was doing would potentially kill him one day. He was a jujutsu sorcerer. This was what he signed up for the moment he agreed to that idiot Gojo's offer.

But he didn't think that you would be involved as well…

"Huh?"

There was no way he heard correctly.

That's right, this must all just be one sick joke.

"...C-Cursed?" Megumi repeated.

No… he had to make sure. His ears were just fooling him, right? Right?

Ichiji nodded. "I-It appears so…"

Hah. Of course not. Life was never on his side. It may as well just be mocking him at that point.

Yuji, seeing Megumi's unusual silence, decided to chime in. "Is it the same one from Yasohachi Bridge? In that case, we can just go, find the source, and then do the same with the one from the bridge, right?"

"I'm afraid it's not that simple," Ijichi interjected in his typical fragile tone of voice. "Unlike with your sister Tsumiki, we don't know what exactly Ms. [L/n] is cursed with…"

"Hah?" Megumi scrunched his eyes. "You're telling me that even the school doesn't have a single fucking clue about what happened?!"

"Fushiguro," Nobara reprimanded, her arms crossed over each other. "Calm down. We’re in a public place here"

"Tch… How exactly can I calm down when [Y/n] is at risk of dying?! Huh?! Has that thought crossed any of your minds!? You're telling me that I should just stay here and do nothing and wait for… for whatever fucking thing to take them away from me!?!"

Ijichi, Nobara, and Yuji all exchanged silent looks. They had never seen Megumi like this—not even during the exchange event—with that level of pure anger and rage.

When it came to you, nothing was "too much."

You were everything to him—his other half.

So, to have that other half practically ripped away from him… was unbearable. The void that would be left by your absence seemed almost insurmountable. That thought alone was enough to swallow him whole.

“F-Fushiguro,” Yuji scampered. "[Y/n] might be able to hear you.”

Your hospital room wasn't far from where the four were discussing—or arguing, by that point.

"I don't fucking care. I'll do what I want—"

"Fushiguro," Nobara snapped, interrupting with more force, making even Megumi stumble backward. "You stay with them and protect them. That's… all we can do right now. For their sake," she said in a softer tone.

"....."

"Tch."

He walked away, bumping shoulders with the poor, confused Yuji.

"Fushiguro! Wai—"

"Itadori, let him be. He needs some time to himself to think," Nobara interjected, making Yuji stop in his tracks. "This kind of news can be hard for anybody to accept. What we can do for him right now is give him space."

Yuji solemnly nodded his head. "I hope he'll be okay…"

This time, Nobara was the one who agreed. "Yeah," allowing their gazes to rest on where Megumi had just stormed off.

Everything felt muted outside the hospital rooms in the dimly lit hallways. It was painfully silent, broken only by the faint murmur of distant voices and the soft shuffle of footsteps. Megumi angrily slammed his arm against the wall, almost certainly bruising his hand, but he didn't care.

You were dying—you could be killed at any time, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. A sense of helplessness like never before, all too familiar. Why were people leaving him again, one by one?

…Does no one want him to be happy?

Was he just doomed to live in a world of black?

What would it take until he was finally free from the shackles of faith? Was he just condemned to wander through life, forever haunted by the ghosts of loss?

Only when he inhaled a breath did Megumi's gaze finally fall on his arm, and the crimson stain blossomed on his sleeve. You wouldn't want to see him like this. So he wasn't going to allow you to, and instead, he pulled up his sleeve, concealing the evidence of his pain beneath the fabric.

He needed to see you again, to be by your side while he still had the chance...

With each step back towards your hospital room, his heart hammered in his chest. What if you were gone? What if it already took you? What if—

"Megumi?" you asked in your sweet tone, but it was weaker, much weaker, barely more than a whisper.

His breath caught in his throat.

Megumi's heart couldn't take this. It hurt. It pained him to see you like this, so frail and fragile, robbed of the life that once defined you. His heart clenched in anguish.

You weren't a jujutsu sorcerer. Hell, you didn't even have the ability to see what cursed spirits were. But you accepted every part of him—his flaws, quirks, and demons. But all that love you had for him would be for naught, and here you were, cursed with the exact type of curse, except no one had a clue what was the cause of it or who was the one who never did it. You weren't able to handle the curse as well as Tsumiki could.

Even still, you would put up with it "for him," as you would tell him, reminding him and yourself as well...

"Megumi," you said, resting on your hospital bed, your voice hardly audible from all the machinery attached to you. It was disgusting—all this to supposedly "save you." A fever dream.

"Can you come closer for a second? I want to see you."

But without hesitation, he answered your call without a second thought. You cupped his cheek, your eyes locking onto his.

"Look at you… You look horrible."

Indeed, he did look awful. He hadn't slept in days, nor did he get many chances to eat or drink. The toll of sleepless nights and neglected meals etched shadows beneath his eyes, starkly contrasting the rigid routine he would follow before your curse. Each passing day seemed to weigh heavier on him, dragging him further into the dark, empty chasm of exhaustion and despair.

You gripped at your covers, feeling the weight of your words, and Megumi's anguish settled heavily on you. "I know that I'm not going to live…"

"Don't say that!" Megumi interrupted, his voice fraught with emotion as he sank back, his eyes reflecting that of desperation and fear. "I'm sorry… I don't like it when you say shit like that."

"Fushiguro Megumi," you whispered, reaching out a hand towards him and feeling a deep ache right in your chest.

All this was so unlike the stern, aloof, almost borderline arrogant boy you have grown to love. So seeing that facade shatter, all because of you… felt awful.

He avoided your gaze, his fingers tracing invisible patterns on the hospital bedsheet. "I can't lose you, too," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

There was then silence, interrupted only by the noises of the medical equipment on your bedsheet.

You mustered up all the strength you had left, and with a smile, "I'm still here, Gumi," you said softly, your voice barely audible over the beeping monitors. "And I'm not giving up without a fight."

Megumi finally met your gaze. "I know," he whispered hoarsely. "But… I can't lose you. I won't…"

"....."

You squeezed his hand, a silent promise passing between you.

"You… should go home."

"But—!"

"I'll be fine, 'gumi. Don't worry about me."

"..."

He could never find it in himself to argue with you. So he did what you asked and walked home by himself in the dark.

Alone in your shared home, the emptiness in the walls, the decor, and all the photos of you and Megumi reminded him every day of the future—and once you did pass, so too would the void also be stretched—left in your forever absence.

He dreaded every bit of this moment—every aspect of this fact. Because every moment that you weren't here confirmed an even bigger reality. That, someday, this will be the new norm.

His home… not, your home, never felt so lonely.

Only when he was watching you would he actually put something in his mouth after you told him off and heard the silent insistence of your gaze.

"You have to eat something," you scolded before coughing once again, the pain lingering without a moment of respite.

'Hah…'

Even in your own sorry state, you were worrying about someone else…

Megumi knew what he was doing was unhealthy, borderline self-destructive even, but that was of little concern when you were slowly losing your own life.

And you saw that. You saw that he was neglecting himself, and you would scold him for it.

"I'll be okay, Megumi. You know that."

'No…' he thought. 'I don't.'

You always said that.

Days passed, and all Megumi wanted to do was stay with you. Nobara, Yuji, and Gojo even visited you more times than once, and you all ate hotpot together. Yuji even brought a plate of his famous meatball recipe that you asked him to make "before you die," which made Megumi crook a smile the best he could.

It terrified him that you would even joke about a topic like that, but it was your own way of coping—he knew just from the fragile facade you would put up.

These small things kept both you and Megumi's minds off things.

…And perhaps a little too much.

"Gumi… I can get it myself."

You tried standing up, only for your legs to give and collapse right into Megumi's arms, which he held out in case such a scenario happened.

"Please… [Y/n], I'll get it for you. Please just rest."

It wasn't just Megumi anymore, but you had gotten much weaker, both physically and mentally.

The toll of your curse had left its mark, etching lines of exhaustion and pain upon your once vibrant pupils. Your once lively spirit now seemed dimmed, overshadowed by the weight of whatever was breaking you apart, one day at a time…

You found yourself unable to walk or to properly eat. It was almost like you were beseeching for all this pain to end. And it hurt him more than you could ever think—that his selfishness to keep you alive and just hold on was keeping you in despair.

Together in the hospital room, Megumi was brewing the tea you always drank alongside the so-called medications the hospital would provide.

That is, until Megumi eyed something on the countertop. A glass bottle collected dust with all the other useless medications that the hospital provided. 'What was that?' He didn't remember that bottle being there the last time he came—

No.

"...[Y/n]?"

Nothing.

"[Y/n]?" he tried again. And once again, no response.

'No…'

Turning around, he confronted the harsh reality of the circumstances. The air seemed to thicken around him as he dropped the plate to the ground, the clatter of ceramic shattering the oppressive silence. He dropped the plate to the ground.

It couldn't have been today, right? He immediately rushed to your bedside, your eyes now closed shut. His trembling hand sought out your pulse, but it came as nothing but a futile attempt to deny the truth.

'"No…"

The word escaped his lips in a whispered plea.

This couldn't be real… But it was. This was it. Today was the day.

But why was he so shocked? Didn't he prepare for this moment? He had known this day would come and had braced himself for the inevitable farewell, and yet… even he was unprepared for the magnitude of his grief.

Several hospital personnel burst into the room, only to be met with a sea of red, their faces contorted in horror.

It was a sight akin to a scene in a tragic drama, but this was no drama, nor was it a fantasy. This was no scripted fantasy—it was a stark, harrowing reality.

The sight of your lifeless corpse lay before them.

There was only the raw, unfiltered agony of loss, embodied in the form of your lifeless body cradled in Megumi's trembling arms, his cries echoing through the sterile walls of the hospital room. Megumi held you deathly close to his chest and his arms.

He didn't want to admit it, but he was horrified. That if he let go, that final fire of warmth in your body would disappear forever.

"S-Sir," one hospital personnel tried reaching his arm. "They're—"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

This was where you belonged. Yes. Right in his arms. With your head on his lap and his hand over your cold hand. You already looked to be deathly and inhumanly cold.

Despite everything happening around him, Megumi's focus remained solely on you, his grip tightening on your hand as if trying to defy the inevitable.

The hospital personnel persisted in their attempts to pry you away, but Megumi's resistance only grew stronger, his voice echoing through the sterile walls of the hospital room for them to leave.

Blaring lights and noises came from all directions, but Megumi couldn't hear them anymore nor see the person he cherished and loved with all his heart in front of him. Several figures were all crowded around, ripping him away from your corpse.

"Sir, please!" the staff tried again, this time with more force. "You need to calm down…"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

His voice broke. "How can I calm down?! You’re taking them away from me! They're…" He choked back a sob, hiding away how he really felt—pure desperation.

His arms ever so tightened on you as the hospital staff all exchanged looks; the question of whether they should intervene or give him a moment of privacy lingered in the air.

Because you were everything to him…

"We understand, sir, but we need to first—”

Megumi's protests grow louder, bordering on hysteria. "You don't fucking understand! How can you possibly understand?! She's…" Again, his voice broke. His mind raced, overwhelmed with grief and disbelief.

But how could he calm down when the very essence of his world was being torn away from him? How could anyone expect him to just stand there when the love of his life was lying there, cold and lifeless? How could he remain composed when his heart was shattering into a million irreparable pieces? How could he ever even begin to forgive himself if he were to just stand here and watch them take you away?!

But that was the inevitable, and it was all happening in front of his very eyes.

Megumi's heart sank as he saw you being pulled away from him by the hospital employees. His hands clenched into fists.

His words broke up, and all he could say were stuttering sounds. Hot tears streamed down his face, and he squeezed his eyelids shut in the hope his tears would stop. His choppy breathing and watery eyes remained unmoving for quite some time, and he stood there.

He had time. All the time in the world to take it in…

At that moment, a flurry of footsteps came from outside, in the hallways. Yuji, Nobara, and Nitta rushed in.

"Fushiguro! We heard what happened! Is it true that—"

Yuji didn't finish that sentence. Oh.

Their voices trailed off as they noticed Megumi with no expression, his gaze fixed ahead as he walked out of the hospital room.

“...Fushiguro?”

Nothing.

With his usual stoic facade, the boy continued to walk out of the hospital room without a word, leaving his friends bewildered.

"Wait! Where are you going?!" Yuji called out, his voice tinged with urgency.

"Away from here," Megumi responded curtly, his tone brooking no argument.

Only then did either of them truly get a look at Megumi's face. He looked close to tears, if not already.

Yuji physically stepped back. “...U-Uh.”

"....." Silence fell over the room as they watched him leave, his figure disappearing into the bustling hospital corridor.

But the second he was alone, without a soul in sight, he broke down. Every ounce of pent-up emotion surged forth, manifesting in sobs that wracked his body uncontrollably.

Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. Megumi bent forward as he stood against the hospital walls. Pressing his fist against the solid white wall, he began to tense. Just the pure and utter weight of everything—the loss, the emptiness, that final look in your eyes—all of it crashed down on him like a relentless tidal wave, leaving him shattered and raw, like a corpse with no spirit.

He couldn't cry again. You would never like that…

Whether he liked it or not, time would continue its march forward. It didn't stop—it never could—nor could it go back into the past—as much as Megumi wished it could...

Time after time, the people he loved would disappear. Always.

His parents, Tsumiki being cursed, and now, you. His one and eternal love. And no one could ever replace you—and definitely not that hole now in his heart, left by the loss of you.

Megumi clenched his fists tightly, the pressure enough to draw blood.

"I'm sorry."

But all the apologies in the world could do jackshit. It would never bring you back.

Megumi would never know what kind of being snuffed out your life…. It could've been a cursed spirit whose identity was never found by Jujutsu Tech.

And that angered him to no end. To be so useless, to never find out what creature poisoned and took away the only thing he ever wanted and needed in his life.

He had you, but there was no longer a spark, no sign of that vibrant life you once possessed.

For you were long gone—your body beyond cold.

©hxnbi. please do not modify, edit, copy or reproduce any of my works.

46 notes · View notes

dokidokitsuna · 4 months

Text

Goldilocks in Grimmland

This is so, so premature...but my muses have been with me from start to finish on this idea and I adore it, so I'm talking about it now! :D

So in the RWBY NeverFell AU, Yang's little mishap during the Vytal Festival actually follows her around for quite a while; with pretty much everyone but her closest friends whispering behind her back about what she did to Mercury. This is very isolating and frustrating for her, especially since she knows from Ruby's eye-witness account that Merc was definitely faking his injury. She's determined to figure out how and why she saw that illusion, and also kinda wants revenge against Mercury for low-key ruining her life. ^^; And her investigation eventually leads her back to him...except, he looks a bit different now. Shocked by his Grimmification and eager to know more, she dives even deeper into the mystery.

Unfortunately, by this time, Salem has arrived at Beacon, parking her giant whale outside the premises similarly to the way she did in Volume 8. ^^ And upon landing, it creates a Grimm-based ecosystem-- a dark forest that gradually spreads outwards the longer it stays there, only adding to the population of Grimm overrunning the area. That's a whole other issue, that the rest of Team RWBY will probably be helping with. For Yang, it's mostly just a giant hindrance to her investigation. She's got suspicions about Mercury (and knowing he's a silver-eyed warrior, suspicions about her deceased mother) and she's sure that the answers are somewhere in that Grimm-whale. But with the death-forest of Grimm surrounding it, it seems impossible for her to get there.

Until, she remembers she knows someone with a semblance that's perfect for the job. ^^

+++

There are several reasons why I love this idea: it gives Yang the spotlight for once in her life; it makes Mercury relevant; it provides an opportunity to get members of the main cast close to Salem.

But the biggest one is: IT GIVES ME AN EXCUSE TO USE REN!!!!! (≧∇≦)ﾉ

I've always loved Lie Ren; like Penny, he's one of those characters who's just impossible to screw up (in basic concept, anyway...). Across RWBY's many adaptations and spinoffs, he's always adorable and always looks cool in combat.

The only problem with him, and the reason I've rarely spoken about him, is that...people don't seem to care about him?? ;_; Specifically, in the source material, he's given so little to do that there just isn't much of a reason to care about him. He barely has any motivations that don't boil down to some variant of "protect Nora". Even Nora herself is given character connections and talking points outside of "her man", but Ren has no one and nothing else. He gets a couple episodes of spotlight in Volume 4, and that's it for the whole series. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I mean, just think about this: Ren is the only member of the main cast who doesn't have a character song. o_o Look it up, it's true. I had to look it up just to make sure, because I found it appalling...this is a character who was originally voiced by the creator of the show; why is he such an afterthought???

So I decided, if I don't like this, I gotta do right by him in NeverFell, somehow. And it was REALLY hard to think of a place to put him, until I suddenly struck gold with this idea. ^^ Yang's little 'detective story arc' had been a thing for a while, and although I wanted her to be separate from Team RWBY, I never really liked the idea of her being alone. A character like her works best with someone to bounce off, and Ren's coolness is a great contrast for her bubbly personality.

Plus, I think putting Ren in a position like this could service him, too: not only does it give me an opportunity to add his semblance, backstory, and maybe even a Nuckelavee fight to the plot in the absence of a V4 timeline; it could give him a chance to "flesh himself out" the way Nora did in V7. Y'know, allow him to really connect with someone besides Nora-- and then, maybe seeing how similar-yet-different Yang is to his childhood friend is what'll get him to realize that he's never done this before. That maybe he's stuck to the familiar dynamic of that early relationship for so long, that there are different sides of his own personality that he's forgotten about. Sides that are coming out now that he's on this new adventure, with a new friend~.

#now this #this I might ship a little bit #i do love rarepairs #rwby #yang xiao long #lie ren #I LOVE how these designs came out

59 notes · View notes

jamiesfootball · 8 months

Text

Today on the wheelodex of things I'd like to discuss regarding Mom City / the Finale-

It's fucking weird that Ted's mom didn't come to the match. I also understand it completely.

(And I don't just mean writing weird, although I do think the decision was in part made so that they wouldn't have to spend a whole character-centric episode's B-plot revolve around introducing a new character around. Which is another complaint on the overall pacing of s3, but i digress)

But I'm talking about the 'meeting someone's mom is like getting a manual on why they're nuts' of it all. Ted's mom:

Flew in from the states, without letting Ted know she was coming

Proceeded to stay at a hostel for a week, hanging around 'near' his place for ??? amount of time until he happened to walk past her

Did the 'oh no, I couldn't' dance with him regarding staying with him (conceded)

Did the 'oh no, I couldn't' dance with him regarding going to work with him (conceded)

Did the 'oh no, I couldn't' dance with him regarding going up to Manchester -- and was left back at his flat.

Like. Holy fucking shit. That was all in the span of like 1-2 days.*

This is what Ted grew up with. Someone who constantly refuses to outright ask for anything or confront anything without making it an exercise for the other person. She's so passive aggressive that makes Ted seem like a direct person in comparison.

But what's interesting to me is that when it came to coming to the match in Manchester, that's the one where Ted folded in the towel and went 'yeah just stay here then'. Because that is the antithesis of Midwestern hospitality, isn't it? To leave your guest--your mom--back at home while she's visiting while you go off and do something else, something interesting, for a long stretch of time. It certainly makes my learned southern hospitality shudder in social faux pas. That's just not done. It's rude. Ted does it anyways.

With passive aggression, it's about what's not said--not what is. Both parties tend to know that the person being passive aggressive actually wants the opposite thing. The 'polite' way to tell them 'no' is to pretend you accept what they're saying. Ted's insistence that she tag along is noticeably weaker than when he's telling her to take his bed or come to work with him. It's not that her counter-arguments are any better; it's that he does the courtesy dance in a way that gets him out of the situation by giving her what she's asking for.

So Ted, Ted, does something people could consider rude. Because the alternative is doing this goddamn song-and-dance with his mother again. And I think that's fascinating. Not just from a character perspective, but for how it shows Ted's priorities in that moment. He says it backwards, he says it in an absence, but it's implied all the same, I don't want you there.

His team is facing off against their white-whale. They've been chasing Pep's team and his strategy, and now they're going head to head. If his mom came to the match, he'd be focused on her. On making sure she was taken care of. He doesn't want that.

For him, that's about as close as we ever get to him saying that he wants something (that has nothing to do with Henry.)

Of course then, just like Jamie's dad hovers over him even when he's not there, Ted's mom follows him to Manchester in his head. When Ted talks to Jamie, he's got one foot back in his kitchen at home. He's there, but he's not there. He's talking to Jamie, but he's talking to himself.

And it makes me wonder how often this was the case--how often did he throw in the towel and give her what she asked for because he just couldn't take being the one who had to handle all the decisions. It's a backwards negotiation, making his mother show up for him. She does love him, but god you can see how much strain reassuring her that he loves her too takes.

If I may be so bold, I think Ted also deserved to say 'fuck you' to his mom without attaching a 'thank you'.

*(SIDE COMPLAINT - The timeline of Mom City expands and contracts to fill the narrative space as needed, and it was goddamn infuriating to write about just tell me when things happen damnit)

#there was more because I also do feel like this ties into his need to be there for henry without henry ever having to ask him for it #but whoops I've got to go to work now #ted lasso #dottie lasso #ted lasso meta

145 notes · View notes

pynkhues · 1 year

Note

What do you think about it is about Kendall that’s it’s like, of course he’s the only one with a real friend?

It's lowkey one of my favourite choices on the show, anon, just because I think it's so revealing in more ways than one. Like, it makes sense, not just because of who Kendall is, but also who his siblings are, and the different ways they navigate their way through the world.

Interestingly, I think Connor and Shiv actually have the clearest boundary (or hurdle, depending on how you look at it) when it comes to fostering friendships, and while I think those things are different, I think they're both steeped in these factors of them as characters that shape their experiences of adulthood.

I think Connor's stems from an extremely disrupted childhood between his mother's mental health, her institutionalisation, his father's absence and reappearance, and then his being pushed into a parentified role to the golden trio at a formative age (canon explicitly tells us that too! Camping trips, fishing trips, fulfilling the father duties at Shiv's wedding before Logan decides to show up!) when he should've been away at college building his own relationships, in order to feel he had any sort of place in his family.

Similarly, I think Shiv has been soaked in hatred for her own gender since she's been born. Her relationship with her mother is strained and seems to have been weaponised by her father, she likely went to an all girls school (Spence, I imagine, which is basically the all girls equivalent of Buckley, the all boys school we know Kendall went to) and her own misogyny hampered any genuine friendship attempts. I think Shiv probably had frenemies, but nothing deeply meaningful, because vulnerability and emotional honesty is something she can't allow herself if she wants to survive in a male-dominated household festering in a male-dominated industry. I think male friendships were off the table in that sense too because Shiv seems to have always sought power in whatever way she could, and the two things she has to exert power are her name and her sexuality and at least her sexuality is hers.

I think Roman's a little harder to put a pin in in that sense, because I think he's a little bit of both of them, and a whole lot his own thing. I think he's experienced a part of Connor's disrupted childhood by having been shipped away to school and for his physical abuse, and I think he's experienced a part of Shiv's self-loathing for a part of his identity he can't face up to, but I also think Roman on paper should have friends. Roman's funny and insightful and (most of the time) the right sort of mean, and he's no more self-defensive than the rest of them, but I think the reason comes down to the biggest difference between him and Kendall:

Roman can be honest without being vulnerable, whereas Kendall can be vulnerable without being honest.

Roman as a character isn't actually particularly duplicitous. He can absolutely be an asshole, but he doesn't play to what people want in the way that both Kendall and Shiv (and even to an extent, Connor) do. His moments of vulnerability though are rare, often private, often, still, fleeting and guarded, while his moments of honesty are more frequent, yet often just ugly and naked and there. He fronts to it, and takes it, and usually tells the other person to take it too, which is what he did with Gerri and Tabitha and even Lawrence way back at the start of the series.

Kendall's not an honest person, but he is someone who's inherently vulnerable, and I think it pulls people to him, despite themselves. We've seen it in real time with Naomi and even Greg, and retrospectively with Rava, Stewy and Frank. He can break, he can curl in a lap or bury a head in a shoulder while still telling half truths or nothing at all. God, probably one of the best examples is in 2.04 when he pulls Shiv into a hug while talking around what she actually wants to hear.

Kendall lets people mop up the blood while he either tries to hide, ignore or justify the wound, and I think that vulnerability lets people feel a degree of intimacy with him and protectiveness of him that becomes muddied as they discover that Kendall is inherently a dishonest person and an addict, as it seems most characters in this show have learnt the hard way. After all, discovering that he's not told you a whole truth doesn't erase the memory of the weight of his head against your shoulder.

#i kind of had two responses to this one anon #but i thought this was maybe the more interesting one?#because i do think their circumstances and personality types have been really formative in their ability to form relationships #i do also think a lot about birth order with the four of them though and how that shapes the way they engage with others #a part of that too is the fact that i think stewy and kendall met when they were little kids #(they met at buckley! it's kindy to ninth grade!)#(in theory they would've been six!)#and i like the idea of their friendship starting over something pretty innocuous #because you have no idea right?#and then at some point they just clearly became ride or die #kendall roy #roman roy #shiv roy #connor roy #hbo succession #succession meta

225 notes · View notes

emonydeborah · 9 months

Text

snw episodes rated by Una

in which Una is my unit of measurement, not that this is what she would think of the events

All from memory bc who has time

SPOILERS FOR EVERYTHING

1x01: she’s literally the catalyst for getting Chris off his butt and the whole episode. Barely in it but she did all the detective work for everybody. “Somehow I knew you would” with the little smile and “La’an!” in the softest voice immediately established both relationships and my abiding love for her. She’s literally driving the plot but still not there much; 6/10.

1x02: she shares some LooksTM with Chris. Chris was slightly subdued at one (1) dinner party and Una went something is deeply wrong. Chris is sad and Una tells him to live his gosh darn life. Pretty sure she flies the ship a bit. She’s here. Can’t complain. 6/10.

1x03: OOOOHOHO here we go. Whatever camera angle it is that shoots from the floor to watch people walk away and makes them look tall was excellently utilized. Girl was STRIDING everywhere. Hauled a grown man over her shoulder and was greeted with the shock and awe she deserved. Told her biggest secret (!!!!) to help the crew!!! bc she would sacrifice herself for them!!!!! also she googled her glowworm episode like it had not happened her whole life (which I will accept as a writer thing. but she really looked at a picture of someone glowing bc of an infection and went 😮). Girlie managed a whole ship of sedated/crazy people and did not let anyone jump into the sun/warp core. Had a deep talk with La’an and revealed more of their shared history. Stunning. 10/10.

1x04 another case of I can’t complain. As my favorite character I want her to be happy, but I will take some internal bleeding and other catastrophic injuries. As a treat. The sheer power of ordering the medical staff to give away her blood transfusion and then knocking herself out before they could argue. Unparalleled. Had no impact on the main plot but what she did do in her sphere of influence was important and exemplary. I’ll take it. 7/10.

1x05: back at it again with the b-plot but I AM HERE FOR IT. GIVE ME LA’AN AND UNA BEING GOOFY. Loved the death glare at Joseph so he would confess and how she pretended not to be huffy about her nickname. La’an went can we… play a game… and Una went YEs sounds educational. For science. The look of absolute shock and betrayal when La’an shot her and her little “ow.” “People are idiots. You’re fun.” La’an went lol my childhood was a bleak horror scape and Una went absolutely NOT I’m going to commit crimes to rectify this. I like people having wacky misadventures while the plot is plotting somewhere. 8/10.

1x06 Chris forgot her name. She had to leave so she wouldn’t verbally tear him to shreds in front of his crew. Most likely explanation. Where was she I miss her. 4/10.

1x07: she locked the pirates out of the ship!!! We love a competent first officer shooting people on her bridge. She shook her head half an inch and Spock went absolutely whatever you say. Chris was thrown to the floor in front of her and she crossed her arms and watched him get up. “We’re starting a mutiny.” "Someone's breaking the rules today." Legitimately appreciated her teamwork with Chris in planting the mutiny idea. Would love to see it again sometime. 7/10.

1x08: bow and arrow. She checked on Joseph after and I appreciated that they carried that through from her finding out about Rukiya before. Una was here but she wasn't Una. Also. If we're real she wasn't really there. I liked the eye shadow though. 5/10.

1x09: "you should really try the omelet." The breakfast scene is my favorite and in fact the only scene. Nothing else happened with Hemmer or Spock or anyone. Really short episode. I would have liked to have seen her face when Chris snapped the tongs. She tried to follow the shuttle to the surface with scans and Chris went nah babe we're fine. Let her do her job Chris. Breakfast scene 10/10. Episode 5/10.

1x10: notable by her absence. She checked on Chris and once again told him to live his life. She's not there in the future but I won't take points for that because Chris immediately went where is my bestie. I cannot function without my work wife where is she. Her arrest kick-started the series and for our cliffhanger she was arrested again. I'm sensing a theme. What will they incarcerate her for next and how will Chris break her out this time. I will always appreciate Chris going absolutely feral for his first officer/life partner. 9/10.

2x01: prison. She tells Chris not to be stupid and he goes don't tell me what to do *cough* I love you *cough* Not a strong start for our girl but I trust her to overcome. Once again Chris is going off on a mission to save her. Lost points for the brevity of her appearance and the weird black jumpsuit. 4/10.

2x02: Girl sat in a chair and watched her friends say nice things about her for days. I would shrivel up and die. Una looks teary. Her lawyer put some heat on a guy who said he would NEVER hire Una if he knew her real race and Una said that was too mean leave him alone. La'an confessed her feelings in public. Spock gave the whole courtroom a heart attack to make Una smile. Chris hugged her looking panicky. please don't go away again. Una looked at Chris like she wanted to kiss him or perhaps sip one milkshake through two straws. The whole episode is about how great she is. 15/10.

2x03: unfortunately for most of this episode she did not exist. Liked the professional and sassy attitude towards Pelia but I must reduce points for Una not existing. 2/10.

2x04: Una succumbed to a disease she should canonically be immune to. Fridged almost immediately. Chris said I need some good fighters and took his doctor instead of his super strong first officer who was familiar with the terrain. Una called Chris out on relationship nonsense like the og she is but this cannot repair the damage. Drove me to writing fix-it fic. -10/10.

2x05: Una is canonically one of the girls. She hangs out with some very specific junior officers including her emotionally constipated son and her traumatized daughter. She laughs very loudly and I like to think the writers are purposefully making her more open now that people know her genetics secret. Tells Mr. Spock how to be a Vulcan. Part of a lineup to talk to Spock and is a head taller than the rest of the line. All in all a great time. 9/10.

2x06: she yells at her former professor who is also thousands of years old. I would simply perish. "yoU HaVe CruMBs oN yOuR uNifOrM" Starfleet said we need someone to get this defunct and thus far unmanageable station up and running. Send Una. "Oh good, I was afraid I'd miss the speech." Rebecca Romijn note- she is nine inches taller than Carol Kane, but she manages to look/act a lot younger and smaller than normal. Pelia takes about 14 seconds to get Una teary eyed. "My final paper was METICULOUSLY researched." 8/10.

2x07: "That's ridiculous, we can't just 'Not Look.'" "Like... a p i n - u p p o s t e r?" Girl is constantly baffled the whole time. One (1) young man was unnerved by her and she went he knows how I die. She then winked at him and he almost had a stroke. We see a picture of her as she is idolized in the future. Excellent. Different flavor than 2x06 but still 8/10.

2x08: lots of Significant Eye Contact with Chris. She said if you don't get this ship where it's going asap I will revoke your command and drive us there myself. "Everyone is on their own journey." I feel like she knows Joseph murdered a man in sickbay but we don't know for sure. She's out here being a competent first officer and telling the captain how the crew is feeling. I like the reminder of her priorities. Chris is here to explore and it's Una's job to make sure he has a functional crew to do so. 6/10.

2x09: Una Chin-Riley, musical theater nerd, had the absolute time of her life and I am so happy for her. Girl JUMPED into that first song with much soulful pushing of buttons. "A surprisingly beautiful baritone." Chris asked Uhura the singer how musicals work and Una answered. Is feeling her feelings so much these days she started singing about her job. Waltzed through the halls with James T Kirk. La'an went I would like to not do this please and Una said feel your feelings. Fly away with me. Accept yourself. Love yourself. "You came in here hot. On fire. It's making me sweat." The whole ship is singing and La'an is making friends. This was the best day of Una's life. 1000/10.

2x10: Una volunteered for a dangerous forbidden mission to save her husband's gf and spent the whole time stalking around the bridge like a tiger or a mom looking for sales at Target and giving hopeful speeches. She did tell Spock his gf might be dead but if you want to look for her go for it champ. "ORDERS CAPTAIN" Chris is hanging on by a thread. Una is the thread. Not a great end if I'm honest but she did look fantastic walking around murderously. 5/10.

#snw #snw spoilers #una chin riley #this took me days #there was a lot to consider #strange new worlds #pikeuna #do these rating match my opinions of the episodes? not necessarily #but do they directly correlate to my mood while watching them?#yes #and yes that’s the second time I’ve linked that same fic #I have strong feelings

104 notes · View notes

dearreader · 13 days

Text

hello fellow members of the tortured poets department.

apologies for my absence from meeting, was being a little to tortured and not enough poet lately 😑.

but i would like to enter into evidence the songs for the days i missed. because it is late i might combine some songs together if they’re next to each other and if the idea for both over laps.

because of that this post will be analyzing fresh out the slammer and florida!!! but specifically how these songs start to explore more about the “american dream” theme that runs throughout the album. i’ve been waiting until these two songs to fully explore it as florida!!! is well… the most obvious place for me to start.

previous days: fortnight; THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT; my boy only breaks his favorite toys; down bad; so long, london; but daddy i love him

references to america are prevalent throughout the album. this does make perfect sense actually considering taylor had set up home base in london and even wrote songs mentioning certain spots (and even liking a boy from london). so taylor choosing to focus the next album on america and coming home after being away fits very well. taylor spent years away because she was afraid of people and moved to a different country to get away. but when she was left all alone and the relationship ended (so long, london) she had to go back home.

this is what we see in fresh out the slammer. the song feels more like a transition song, ie. moving from one location to the other. the song over all is not one of my favorites on the album as while it is nice i don’t feel like it adds as much depth. though i do think it adds more details to certain things touched on. specifically with taylor personifying london as her former partner transitions a bit to this song as she refers to him as a place and what that place did to her. it’s especially interesting to me seeing her refer to it as a prison at times considering in reputation there was also those motifs too but with fame and she felt more sheltered with her then partner. but now it is shown to be also caging her. she ran from one cage to another to protect herself, which is valid, but is now realizing that instead of seeing it as a safe haven.

the main part i want to focus on the song though is how she refers to her next partner viewing her as “the girl of his american dreams”. this is an interesting line and totally not referencing the 1975 as it paints a very distinct picture. the phrase “the girl of his dreams” means the person he thinks would be the ideal partner. this is shown in the media though as negative or in a overwhelming personification with the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype. so already the phrase is on shakey ground, but there’s nothing wrong with saying a partner is “your dream” partner. it can be a compliment.

however, taylor specifically adding the “american dream” to the phrases changes it entirely. she’s now evoking the idea of the american dream that’s the pull yourself up by your boot straps and end up with a house, a car, a wife, and two kids idea. i’m not going to sit here and dissect THAT cause that’s a whole ass lecture. but taylor saying this man views her as “the girl of his american dreams” is saying that she is the ideal partner to settle down with and start a life with. to have a family and get married. which is also noted on many other tracks as something a partner did to her but never followed through. which is ironically what the american dream is. it’s a lie sold to people to keep working and they can hope for a better future. but in actuality they have to keep working and climbing relentlessly to achieve it and never can reach it.

so by taylor saying she’s the girl of his american dreams, he’s selling her a false narrative that she desperately wants and craves but he has no intention on following through and will just use her until he’s done. it’s a very interesting word choice i really like.

and how that idea connects to florida!!!

florida is probably one of the most notoriously known states in america next texas and new york. it’s a hub for weird stories and hurricanes and just all together a chaotic place. but people still love it. in fact, it’s also another part of the american dream as the idea for a lot of people is to retire in florida after they lived their life. which is why i wanted to combine these two as they flow into each other.

taylor uses florida as both a place physically but also metaphorically (and technically as a person if we view it as the “miracle move in drug”) which ties into her using london as both a place and person. florida is the “state” your in post break up and leans into the chaoticness of the actual state. she uses the wildness that everyone has of florida to describe a post break up high.

there are MANY things she uses to describe this. but let’s first look at her referring to her partner as a “hurricane with her name/i got drunk and i dared it to wash me away/barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine”. hurricanes aren’t a stranger to florida and have done extensive damage to the state. but taylor refers to it as a storm with her name, ie. he was made just for her and in this state he’s out to destroy her because of how much damage their relationship did to her overall. but she acknowledges that she did tempt it, she did let it get this far and she had to drink her way through while hiding just to make it out alive.

but this florida, no one asks for questions about why you hate your ex because no one else in this state cares. in fact, they’ll help you hide the body if you help them. so taylor can throw her former lovers who she considered her home town (a reference to london boy “home is where the heart is, but that’s not where mine lives”/“but god i love the english”) but he never considered her more than a passing guest or her feeling like she was arrested there, because of her love for him and wanting to make it work or him keeping her locked away is open to interpretation. so she’s pissed, she’s running free and wanting to escape it all and is in the one state no one cares because they’re going through hell to and can’t bother to care about you.

in this case taylor is referring to florida as the clarity of post break up and running wild and free. which also does tie back into my previous days post about but daddy i love him as that plays into the classic romance piece of a forbidden love. it’s a very quintessential american idea of trucks through fences and small town elders saying to stay away from the good girl. and taylor even introduces it in fortnight by refrencing florida and “another night lost in america”. she is actively introducing the listener on page one to the idea of her longing to run away from it all and have freedom, but freedom looks different there than in florida.

bdilh->florida!!! just screams the idea of american hopes and dreams and young love. it’s wild and loud and messy and destructive and doesn’t see the future. which then later gets wrapped up somewhat in i hate it here from the anthology tracks. because taylor saying “i’d say the 1830’s but without all the racists and getting married off for the highest bid… nostalgia is a minds trick if i had been there i’d hate it” which can be her acknowledging that the idea this man sold to her and the freedom she fantasized about wasn’t what it actually was and hates it in hindsight.

this post is disjointed, and i apologize, but the idea of the american dream running through has been something i keep going back to on relistens and i wanted to introduce it to the community for discussion. thank you again for letting this be late.

#kelly babels #ttpdminutes #fresh out the slammer #florida!!!#the tortured poets department #song analysis

22 notes · View notes

celestemagnoliathewriter · 4 months

Note

Ok ok ok so this is something I have pondered for a bit now that I have re-entered the Remadora fandom again for the first time for probably almost 15 years. As you seem to be the de facto keeper of some of the deepest headcanons of this niche topic, I am curious what your take is.

Question: How many people do you think know, at least initially/when it happened, knew Remus left?

Hear me out here. Ok so the book isn’t remotely clear how long he was gone because we only get an update in like Feb/March when Ron returns but the Pottermore bio that he was actually gone for like 3 days, which is still absolutely a dick move, but significantly different than being gone for *months.*

Now, most fics I’ve read at any point have included him *saying* in some form that he’s leaving, either in the form of a letter of sorts, or I do really like TauraNorma’s whole scene in Flying Colours in which it’s an in-person conversation, but beyond dissociated from reality on his part.

But, if I were in her position, I don’t know how much I’d divulge to others? It would certainly be a difficult position. If she did stay with her parents for that period, or after, (I do love Remus saying she’d safe at her parents’ house as if they didn’t literally just get tortured. Bro. Really?) she *does* have some plausible deniability of “he had to go to some Order business” to them to have some shield for her own embarrassment.

Maybe to Molly and Arthur as a “hey if my husband lands at your house or something, wanna shoot me a message?” but past that I’m not 100% sure how I land with others knowing. It seems very possible to me that when Ron is with Billy and Fleur, Ron, while listening to Potterwatch or something, offhandedly asks them if he ever went back to Tonks and them being like sorry wat. And Ron having the unfortunate task of regaling what happened at Grimmauld Place in August. I could definitely see it spreading from there and more of their acquaintances finding out from that discussion but obviously Tonks is like 8 months pregnant and they’ve been living together seemingly the entire time.

Ok I’m sorry this ended up shockingly long. I may not have been entirely sober when furiously typing it out the first time.

Ahhhh what a compelling ask, @millennihilism!

I'm honored you consider me the de facto keeper of the HCs on this, but I'll also be the first to say that there are a LOT of differing opinions on this one because of the lack of canon data.

You're correct that Pottermore says that Remus was only gone about 3 days. We have no idea what circumstances he left Tonks in. Letter? In person? Dashing away in the night without a word? Who knows.

From a close reading of DH, there's no indication of how long Remus was gone. You could say 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 8 months ... technically all canon compliant if you're not using Pottermore as a source.

That being said, my personal HC is no more than a week, and again, I know that many people would disagree with this assessment of Remus's absence, but I believe it's a shorter absence for many reasons, including an answer to your question of how many people knew that he left her.

Remus is a dick, but he's not *THAT* much of a dick. He's a coward, but he's not *THAT* much of a coward. Remus does have a good bit of kindness in him, and he's brave enough to do the right thing when push comes to shove. Harry literally shoved him. I think that put Remus squarely in his place and shamed him enough to return to Tonks.

Remus's support system is down to almost nothing. He presumably has the following people outside of Tonks: Molly and Arthur, Bill and Fleur. That's it. He thought he had the trio, but that wasn't true, given Harry rebuking him.

We know from Remus that he's been tailed by a Death Eater for three days before he came to Grimmauld Place. If he's been tailed by a Death Eater, where could he have been? Certainly not the Burrow, where they'd find him. Certainly not Shell Cottage, as it's under the Fidelius Charm, presumably. So that gives us an idea that if he was tailed by a Death Eater for three days (curiously, the amount of time Pottermore tells us he was gone for), and just now got to GP to talk to the trio, he's been on the go for three days by the time he gets to the trio.

Because there is nowhere to go for Remus, that puts him in an awkward position. I don't think that anyone outside the Tonkses knew he left her. I think that Remus left, and Tonks vacillated between being sure he was coming back and being really terrified and scared that something would happen to him. Oh, and anger. Lots of righteous anger. I can imagine she told her parents by way of explaining that she was living with them now. It's possible she told him he was on a mission, but they didn't believe her.

Because of the 3 day ordeal of being tailed by a Death Eater, this is why I do NOT think that Remus went to the Burrow or Shell Cottage before he came to GP, or after, for that matter. While we know that Remus knows about Shell Cottage - when he announces Teddy's birth in the spring - we don't know when that information was given to him. I don't think Lupin could've been gone for months and months because we do know that Ron was at Shell Cottage, and he didn't mention Lupin being there. It's possible Lupin went to Shell Cottage for a few weeks, but I'm also not buying that for other reasons.

Bill is the most lenient and understanding of the brothers, but there's a huge difference to me between Ron leaving his friends when times got tough and Lupin leaving his pregnant wife in the middle of a war. Plus, think of Fleur. Do you really think Fleur would be okay with Lupin crashing at her house to avoid his responsibilities? She gushes about how brave her husband is in the hospital wing scene. She'd look at Lupin like the tiniest and most miserable snail in the world if he dared use her home as a hiding place from his wife.

I also don't think that Bill and Fleur would be on Remus's side over Tonks. Bill was two years ahead of Tonks in school. Bill might have kinship with Remus after being attacked by Fenrir Greenback, but that kinship, IMO, is not going to be enough to defend Lupin's actions on leaving his wife. I also believe Lupin knew this, which is why I staunchly believe that Lupin NEVER went to Shell Cottage in his time away from Tonks.

So at the end of the day, who knew that Lupin left Tonks? Initially, likely only the trio and the Tonkses. Remus returns fairly quickly. I can imagine Ron sharing Lupin's arrival at GP to Bill and Fleur, who probably had shock and disappointment at Lupin's actions. But by then Lupin's back home so it's in the past. I assume Molly and Arthur would've been told through the grapevine, possibly Kingsley too, and everyone just keeps it under wraps because it's Remus having a moment of panic.

And for how long was Remus gone? I take the 3 day to a week position because Lupin had no viable places to stay without endangering other people, which seems to be his number one fear. I also take that timeline because he's being tailed and he knows it. He returns to the safest place, his home with Tonks and her parents, where they can be in hiding (forever furious Ted couldn't have stayed with them?? why did he die??? it makes no earthly sense except to give Teddy Lupin his name and have another orphan raised by his grandmother??)

At the end of the day, I will never ever ever ever buy the idea that Remus was gone for a long time. He does the right thing when push comes to shove, and he was shoved by Harry. He is a coward, but when the time is right, he does the brave thing. He also loves Tonks, and Tonks is forgiving and kind. That's why they work.

I hope this answers your questions!!

#remadora #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #asks #remus x tonks #send asks #tonks x lupin #remus x nymphadora #lupin x tonks #tonks

30 notes · View notes

peterman-spideyparker · 1 year

Text

Quiet (Loki x Fem!Reader)

Author’s Note: Hey everyone! This fic has been a long time in the making because you know ya girl--she's a perfectionist and wants to give all the ideas their due credit to do them justice, especially when it comes from a request. So, this one is for you, Nonny! I hope it lives up to what you hoped for! Enjoy! :)

Summary/Request: Could you maybe write a Loki x reader, where they all live at the tower and the reader tends to talk a lot because she hates silence and it makes her uncomfortable. One day Loki basically tells her to stop talking for once, not knowing that this will hit a nerve due to people having told her to shut up and that she is annoying her whole life. She then is very quiet for the next few days, everyone noticing. Loki actually misses her rambling and eventually finds out about her past, causing him to apologize.Oh and could this also end with them confession their crushes :,) and maybe a kiss

Warnings: Angst (anxiety/depression, past trauma/belittlement) hurt comfort, light sprinkling of fluff, hopeful ending, one swear

Other Characters: Tony Stark

Word Count: 1,622

Has Loki ever been particularly welcoming? No. He’s not that kind of person. Did he at least seem like he didn’t mind when others were around him? Yes. So, you use this latter aspect of his personality to your advantage to try and grow close to him, talking about whatever you can think of when you have the time, hoping something that you say might spark his interest.

". . . and while I was there," you continue, recounting your stroll down a street littered with small bookshops, "I saw the most gorgeous hardcover—."

“For once in your life, could you just shut up?” he snaps, the hardcover book in his hands angrily snapping closed. “It’s insufferable with you talking all the time—I can’t hear myself think! You’re so incredibly annoying. Truly, do you think anyone around here enjoys listening to you go on and on endlessly?”

Loki’s words cut you like a knife, making the silence in the room ring louder than it ever has before, his words pulling you back to when you was a child, chastised for the same thing.

Picking up your phone, you walk back to your room, curling under the blanket and doing the best to fight the voice in your head making his words play on an endless cycle.

Now, has Loki thought that it was odd he hasn’t seen you in nearly a week. While the silence was welcome, he did find the absence of your voice unusual. It was like a background noise he had gotten used to, and now that it was gone, he realized that part of him missed it—a large part of him. Unfortunately, he hasn’t even seen you at all to try and initiate conversation to have you talk. But you’re bound to come around. You always seem to. You have to.

“You!” Tony all but shouts as he strides into the living room. “What did you do?”

“Apparently, I always ‘do something’ according to your team,” Loki says indifferently, not bothering to look up as he turns the page in his novel.

“What did you do to (Y/N)?” Tony rephrases, yanking a book out of Loki’s hands.

“What do you mean?” he asks, rolling his eyes.

“(Y/N) hasn’t spoken in days. When she does, it’s only a couple word responses—she’s a walking ghost. She’s catatonic. All of this started after you two decided not to join the group out the other night. So I’m gonna ask you one more time: what did you do to (Y/N)?”

“I just asked her to be quiet.”

“Did you say it like that, or did you say it in your entitled asshole way?”

“I didn’t think I was harsh.” His thinks back to his exact words. “Maybe I could have phrased it better. But she wouldn’t be quiet!”

“Listen. I don’t care if your a frost giant or a god—you could be Santa Claus and I wouldn’t give a shit. But you need to go and apologize to her right now.”

“I don’t have to do anything, Stark.”

Tony gets dangerously close. “You listen, and you listen to me very carefully, Loki. (Y/N) has been the closest thing to family for me since I met her. She is nothing but good, and you did something to make that good person feel upset and small. You hurt her, and I swear I will make you feel that pain tenfold if you don’t try to right your wrong. She doesn’t deserve whatever you did to her.”

Shoving the book into Loki’s chest, Tony storms away, muttering to himself. Loki stares as the billionaire walks away, leaning forward to place his book on the coffee table. Stark always seems to exaggerate, but a sinking feeling in his stomach tells him that nothing has been blown out of proportion in the scenario.

Numb. That’s the only word that you can think of to describe how you feel—how your heart hurts, how the noise in your head is loud and intrusive, the way that the heaviness in your limbs drags you down.

“(Y/N)?” Loki asks, gently knocking on your door. “May I come in?”

You don’t respond, and Loki strains his ears to hear any kind of moment through the wood. When he hears nothing but the air conditioning, he tries again. “(Y/N), please. I just want to talk.”

Talk. That’s rich, coming from him, wanting to do the one thing that he demanded you don’t do. You don’t move an inch, and after a few seconds, he twists the doorknob open and slowly enters the room. You listen to how he softly closes the door behind him, standing silently in place before taking steps toward you until his is by the window in front of you.

“I’m so sorry for the way I spoke to you and for the things that I said,” he breathes. “The others are worried about you. They miss you. I . . . I’ve missed the sound of your voice. I would give anything to her it again and her you speak of things that bring you joy.”

Tears sting at your lash line, and it takes all you have to not have them spill over as you let him sit in silence.

“(Y/N)—.”

“Do you know what it’s like? To be told over and over how annoying you are? That your opinion didn’t matter and you should talk less? That the best thing you could possibly offer someone else is silence? That . . . that it’d be best if you just disappeared?” you question, tears rolling down the curves of your face as you remain turned away from Loki. “I don’t like silence. Bad things have happened in the quiet—it makes me uncomfortable. So I talk. I do it, but I always seem to get pushed back into a quiet corner.”

Loki doesn’t say anything, letting the weight of your words hit him like a ton of bricks.

“Then I come here, and everyone takes me as I am, never asking me to be anything or anyone that I’m not. So I talk and I feel safe and comfortable.”

“(Y/N), I—.”

“I don’t want to hear any more of it, Loki. Please leave. Don’t talk to me again.”

Not much touches Loki, but your words make him want to cry. “I truly am sorry for how my words affected you,” he says softly before leaving. “I . . . I never wanted to hurt you, especially never like that. I never wanted to hurt you.”

The smell of one of your childhood favorites dances across your nose. Your grandmother’s walnut cake. And it doesn’t just smell kind of like it—it smells identical to what you remember. It’s like she’s cooking in the kitchen. As you get up and carefully walk down the hall, you wonder if you died on a mission and this is the way you’re being greeted into the afterlife. Only, you weren’t on a mission with the team . . . Or at least you can’t remember that you were.

When you round the corner, you see Loki standing with an apron on and his sleeves rolled up. As much as you want to taste whatever he made, you don’t want to be around him. Before you can totally backpedal out of the kitchen, Loki sees you and calls out.

“Please, sit,” Loki says softly.

Against your better judgement, the embarrassment of being caught drags you to the island. You sit wordlessly on a barstool as he cuts you a slice of the cake, sliding the small dessert plate toward you.

“I heard this is your favorite,” he says gently.

You slowly twirl the fork in your fingers, having the tines of the utensil gently puncture the sponge.

“Your grandmother would make you cake like this, if I’ve understood correctly,” he continues. “I hope I’ve done the dessert and her justice.”

You can’t help the tears that sting at my eyes and the sniffle. “She never had me be something I wasn’t,” you say softly. “She was my only family I felt like myself around. She’d make this cake and sit with me and let me talk and talk.” You dip your head to hide the tears brimming at your eyes. “I never felt more alone than when she died.”

Loki doesn’t say a single word. Instead, he wraps his arms around you, stroking your hair as you hug. You hold him tight, fighting to keep the tears at bay.

“I’m so incredibly sorry, (Y/N), you have to know that,” Loki whispers softly. “Please—you don’t have to accept my apology or forgive me for that matter. We all miss the sound of your voice.” He exhales a shaky breath before he speaks his next words. “I miss seeing you smile. I hate that I’m the reason that it went away.”

You pull back from his arms, and he wipes away the fallen tears from your cheeks.

“How did you get her recipe?” you croak. “I don’t even have it.”

“Well, the God of Mischief has his ways, doesn’t he?” he offers with a small smile. “Will you take a bite?”

Picking up the fork, you cut a bite of the cake and put it in your mouth, immediately being transported back to your childhood. You wrap your arms around Loki and hug him as tight as you can.

“Good, I take it?”

You just nod.

“I want to hear you speak, darling.”

You flash him a soft smile as you look at him through bleary eyes. “It’s delicious. It’s like she made it.”

He sniffles a smile and kisses your forehead, his fingers giving you the gentlest of touches.

“Tell me, darling, what are you planning to do this weekend? Spare no detail.”

Permanent Taglist: @majesticavenger @steampowerednightvaler @themusingsofmany @just-the-hiddles @toozmanykids @dangertoozmanykids101 @clints-worldavengers @theburningbookshop @itwasthereaminuteago @peter1ismybrother@hellskitchens-whore @dpaccione @catnip987

Loki Taglist: @myownviperroom @drakesfiance

183 notes · View notes

myfandomprompts · 1 year

Text

𝐀𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 | 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐞 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑𝟒

Summary: Council is in session.

Warnings: angst, fluff. Masterlist (Part 33 - Epilogue)

A/N: I mingled with the canon age of some characters, especially the younger ones. For scenario purposes. Hope you understand/don’t mind.

The sooted and melted black walls of Harrenhal were suffocating as you entered the Great Hall where the peace council will be held. Many lords and most important nobles or the realm were already there, seated or walking around, talking in hushed tones as you looked around for anyone familiar, Aemond close behind you.

The first thing you noticed was Addam’s absence. Your friend had come to visit you after your awakening the day before to announce his departure. His demand, with the support of your father, had been granted by the Blacks regarding the restitution of his brother, and Addam was to be instituted Lord of Atranta in lieu of his late father, the Wayfarers ordered to leave the stronghold vacant as an act of good faith for the upcoming peace treaty. You have been glad to see him but the conversation has been shortened by Aemond’s immediate request to talk to him in private, away from your ears.

Upon their return, you noticed that you had never seen them so calm, an odd occurrence for them as they often did not see eye to eye when in each other's presence. Only a slight tension could be felt when Addam kissed your hand goodbye. When you tentatively asked your husband what they had talked about, he only dismissed you and proceeded to take you in his arms, a gesture he seemed to do more often than before. So you did not insist, thinking that it was maybe for the best, as much had happened during your involuntary absence.

The second thing you immediately noticed as you entered the hall beside Aemond, was the whispers his presence elicited. Most of the lords present were not aware of your husband’s recovery, and had not expected him to be present for this council, both scared of what he might say and of him. Most of them considered the Kinslayer unworthy to have a voice in the upcoming parlays, and the dark looks they sent him were very well returned by the man in question as all lowered their gaze when he stared back.

You knew Aemond was only here to protect his family’s interests, very well aware that nothing he would say would please his great cousin or his mother as it would jeopardise the peace, but it did not prevent him from thinking that this whole debacle was some enormous sham.

“I’ll be right behind you,” you whispered to him as you spotted the withdrawn benches meant for the audience to witness the session against the wall, where your place would be, behind your husband and father. Aemond did not let go of your hand.

"You shouldn't even be here," he whispered back, making you stop in your tracks so he could look at you. “You should be resting.”

“You should as well. And I would never miss this. Not when there is so much at stake.”

"Mh,” he voiced, glancing around the room with a dark eye, his shoulders tensed from his repressed loathing of the people seated across the room.

The Blacks were for the most part, already seated at one side of the stone table. Rhaenys was looking regal next to her husband, Corlys Velaryon, himself seated next to Cregan Stark who was talking to a black-haired woman you knew to be named Alysanne Blackwood, known as “Black Aly”.

You recognised a few others, namely Lord Tully, Manderly, and a few Rivermen lords whose name you did not know, next to envoys from Jeyne Arryn, Royce, Tarly and a few other sent to attend in stead of their liege. Behind them you recognised Ser Lorent, standing tall in his armour, and you wondered what your mother would have said, seeing her cousin still loyaly defending the honour of the Black.

But it was the man he was standing so close to that drew your eyes, for Jacaerys Velaryon, macabre looking due to his only recent release a week ago, as part of the prior terms for the treaty, was seated next to his grandmother, hard gaze looking around. Your father had been keen to release him as early as possible, assuring that it would show their dedication in ensuring peace at all cost to the Blacks. You knew Alicent had vaguely protested, but the rest of the Green lords had agreed to it, eager to not see their armies reduced to dust before peace could even be addressed.

You stared at him, hoping that he would look back and see the faint smile you were giving him, for he had been your friend once, and even though you had been on opposite sides, you still held him in your heart, as Lucerys was. Joffrey was not present, but you wish you had been able to see him as well, memories of your time in King’s Landing and Dragonstone with them not easily forgotten.

But he did not meet your eyes as you felt Aemond follow your gaze next to you and still. He was then quick to press his hand to the small of your back to push you forward, dark jealousy emanating from him even though you were completely and utterly his.

From your seat behind the row of Greens were Lords that included your father, Jason Lannister, Adrian Tarbeck, Ormund, some Greyjoy and Redwyne envoy, as well as Alicent flanked by Ser Cole, mirroring the stance of Ser Lorrent at the other side of the table, and you realised how high the tension was. You were doomed to stare at the nape of your husband, seated next to his mother with threatening calm, while the maester that had been chosen to state the terms of the treaty officially began the session.

For the most part, it was boring, the terms agreed upon preliminary to the sessions stated one after the other, mostly regarding the restitution of lands or castles to some of the defeated party, and reparation for the damage caused. You sat through it in silence, witnessing the occasional interjection from Corlys or Jason Lannister. But it all went rather smoothly despite the palpable tension until the topic of the ruling of the Seven Kingdoms came.

“...and as agreed with prior debate, both sides have recognised Jacaerys Velaryon, son of Rhaenyra Targryen and Laenor Velaryon, as heir to the Iron Throne and King of the Seven Kingdoms…”

You saw Alicent scratch the skin of her fingers in frustration and Aemond's neck tense, although his hand was still leisurely drumming the stone of the table. Some Green partisans next to you whispered in indignation.

“May I ask what becomes of Daemon and Rhaenyra’s spawns? Aegon and Viserys Targaryen ?” asked one of the Greyjoys, earning a few nods of approval from some Greens who would consider the two more legitimate to the throne than Jacaerys, the name “Strong” resonating within the walls of Harrenhal with strength.

“They are away and well cared for. They shall inherit Dragonstone as soon as they become of age, and assist their family in royal matters,” answered Lord Tully calmly.

“Dragonstone should be given to Viserys’ direct descendants, Targaryens with dragons, not dragonless children,” spoke Jason Lannister, earning a dark look from both Lord Ormund and your father at his side.

“I’m afraid that will not be possible, my Lord,” replied Corlys with icy calmness, although his tone indicated that your side was in no position to make any demands.

The mention of Aemond and Daeron’s inheritance had turned some curious heads towards the former. Still, your husband said nothing, the ghost of a dangerous smile dancing on his lips as the tension heightened around the hall.

“I understand how precarious the predicament is, and for that peace to endure, we must make concessions, in order to avoid future bloodshed, to not reproduce the mistakes that had been made,” Cregan Stark strongly stated, silencing the whispers around him and making Alicent inhale sharply. “The bond among the House of the Dragon must be reforged, and thus alliances shall be made.”

Rhaenys nodded before speaking in her turn. “I have two granddaughters. One is already married and meant to be Queen, however, Rhaena Targaryen shall be a great match for one of the Dowager Queen’s sons.”

It was Ormud who spoke first.

“I can envision Daeron Targaryen’s betrothal to Rhaena Targaryen, and for this, we are grateful. However, we have come with another proposition that we could agree on.”

All looked at him with interest as he glanced at your father and Alicent, but the latter had her gaze lowered on the table, eyes in the void. Ormund cleared his throat as Aemond finally turned his head toward his great-cousin.

“I suggest that Jacaerys Velaryon’s first born shall marry one of Aegon’s twins, Jaeaherys or Jaehaera. This way, the bonds of the two families shall forever be intertwined.”

There was a short silence, then whispers filled the room again as a frowning Lord Manderly addressed Ormund.

“We were not aware that the usurper’s children lived. They have been lost and unheard of since the sack of the capital. Why have you not come with this information in the preliminary council?”

“I assure you my Lords that the information had been retained only with the better of intents, for we did not wish to jeopardise the peace in any way, bringing forward facts that you would consider as a threat before the appropriate time,” your father replied, the way he spoke with dexterity making every Black settle down.

“Ha!” laughed an angry-looking Riverman, looking between your father and Aemond. “I see that Hightowers and their tricks never end. The twins live much older than the unborn heir they are to marry, and already their claim to the Throne seems assured. I have almost expected the Kinslayer to marry his daughter off instead. Very convenient indeed.”

“Settle down my Lord, or I will have you removed from the session,” demanded Rhaenys, whose eyes had not left Ormund. “This is an alluring proposition, one I see nothing against. It shall be discussed further among us.”

She glanced at her husband who only gave her a look of approval, as did Cregan, who had always been the first to throw agreements that could prevent Targaryens to put the realm to the torch, and could only express his blessing. All from the side of the Green relaxed, with a few exceptions.

Then ensued several betrothal propositions, among which, Joffrey Velaryon, who had hereby been stated as the next heir to Driftmark by his grandfather, would be married to one of Lannister’s four daughters, the Lord most happy to finally marry his blood into royalty.

“Our only demand is for the twins to reside at King’s Landing, over our supervision, until we know of the gender of the heir. After which the other shall be sent as a stewart to one of the great houses,” Corlys’ demand was most vehemently opposed by Alicent, but after a few points made at each other, it was agreed that the other twin shall be sent to Oldtown, where their family resided.

“This is not enough,” spoke the angry looking Riverman again. “One child shall not repair all of the damage that had been done by the fires of dragon riders during the conflict. The Riverlands were torched, hundreds died. What stops them from reiterating their actions with only one child in King’s Landing under the Crown’s care?”

Several lords nodded with force, and you felt your heart quicken in your chest.

“He is right. The two princes are a liability, and their crimes are great,” added the envoy from the Eyrie. “They ride dragons, one of them being the largest alive, the other as big as Syrax. We cannot let this be tolerated if peace is to be enforced.”

Aemond hadn’t moved, but you could feel his eye digging into the skull of the envoy. All the room seemed to grow uneasy at the same time, the burning subject of what should be done with the Kinslayer finally put forward.

“Nothing of the sort will happen,” assured Ormund, aware of the many scolding eyes directed at him. “What happened in the Riverlands had already been assessed, and reparation shall be applied. It was war, my Lords, and war causes awful acts. In that, we are all guilty around this table, as I am sure you will concede.”

“It still does not suffice,” replied the lord at once, scathing. “Unless he is put in a cell or executed, we cannot predict what the Kinslayer might do. He is known for his rash actions, had put ablaze the Riverlands and yet he sits at this table.”

Silence followed, as all held their breath for Ormund to speak, or something to happen. The atmosphere shifted inexplicably as silence lingered, and it was when you glanced at your husband that you understood why. Aemond had stopped drumming on the table, instead straightening up in his chair, as if ready to stand up.

When he spoke, his tone was sharp, taunting. “Very well observed, I am here, aren’t I? Listening quietly to your pitiful attempts to avoid the realm to tear itself apart, bargaining my family and taking titles. Still, I did not argue, so I advise that you hold your tongue before suggesting my demise or interpret my intentions. I would not want my rash actions to emerge.”

His words had an instant effect, some lords turning slightly pale and others seething in their seats, not comfortable with the idea that none could stop Aemond Targaryen and Vhagar if they wanted to, his current collected demeanour held by a thread that this Lord kept tugging at.

“That is most right, you had said nothing,” the Lord pointed out, unphased. “We have not seen you take part in this council nor do you seem to believe that your crimes shall go unpunished.”

“Let us not be sidetracked here,” chimed in Ormund before Alicent could. “There is nothing from our part that would endanger the very essence of what this council is trying to accomplish.”

But Aemond was smirking.

“You speak of my crimes, but I don’t see you taking any actions regarding the murder of my brother and grandfather in cold blood,” he said, anger nagging at the surface.

“The assassins were employed by Daemon Targaryen and him alone,” interjected Corlys with a dark eye directed to the envoy of the Eyrie, urging him to calm. “And he had already paid the price for this choice, as you well know.”

“That might be the case, but the Qorgyles didn’t,” retorted Aemond, his resentment towards Sandstone still burning strong. “We all here know the truth about their involvement.”

“The Qorgyles are a Dornish house, thus falling under the jurisdiction of the Martells, who had chosen to remain neutral throughout the conflict, and wish to remain so. No measure shall be taken in their stead, they will deal with their bannermen on their own terms. This is not our place.”

Aemond had lost his smile, replaced by a clenched jaw and a cold rage he was struggling to maintain. “Then I suggest that they be quick about it, otherwise I might fly there and render justice myself,” he threatened, but proceeded to only stare at the opposite side as faint gasps travelled the room at his words.

“Here! This is what I am talking about,” exclaimed the Riverman before turning to address the entirety of the room. “Tell me, my Lords, what prevents him, a hot-blooded Kinslayer by none but two occurrences, from riding the most dangerous dragon in existence and 'render justice himself' as soon as this council is over?”

As words of approval erupted around the room, Alicent had opened her mouth to retort, mirrored by Rhaenys who intended to reiterate her threat to have him removed from the hall. But a powerful roar echoed from the outside and everybody stiffened, listening to the sound reverberating through the walls. Aemond had found his seething demeanour again, no longer leaned in his chair but instead ready to stand up, his dark eye solely directed at the Lord who had spoken. When the roar died in the air, a cruel smile had appeared on his lips.

“Frankly, my Lord, nothing.”

Gasps and horrified comments erupted around the room, the menacing tone with which Aemond had spoken making Alicent feel the need to put a soothing hand on her son’s forearm. But your husband only laughed and looked around the chaos as if it was the most amusing thing he could witness.

“This is outrageous!” came the voice of a noble from the Blacks side as well as several others that shouted similar statements.

“He has a daughter, does he not?” exclaimed one of them. “It might be a fair bargain to have her in King’s Landing, with the royal family. Put her in fosterage, make her a companion, have her under the Crown’s watch.”

Aemond instantly stiffened while you fought the urge to stand up as well.

“Leave my daughter out of your machinations,” snarled Aemond, clearly fuming as panic overtook you. “She will be the servant of no one, and certainly not for my nephews and their offspring.”

“Perhaps you would have her marry the next heir instead?" retorted one of them in laughing disbelief. "Was that your plan all along, to put your lineage on the throne?”

“That is enough,” came your father’s strong voice, making most of the head turn to him and preventing Aemond heaving in fury next to him to reply. “My granddaughter shall take no part in the negotiation as she had already suffered at the hands of the Rogue Prince. I do not take you, my Lords, accountable for it, for I am aware that it was his actions and his alone. In return, I only ask of you to settle to the terms we agreed upon,” he said, glancing at Aemond who was ready to cut the next one who would speak of his blood, hand at his belt.

You almost expected for the lords or your husband to resume the fight, their feud far from completed, but a frustrated sigh travelled the room and Cregan took on speaking.

“We do have to assess the fate of the late King’s progeny, my Lords, as well as his widow’s, as I am sure you realise,” he said, taking care in ignoring Aemond and looking between Lannister and Ormund. “Due to the outcome of this conflict, we cannot let the Higtowers and two dragon riders anywhere near the Crownlands. We must act accordingly.”

Jason Lannister as well as his bannermen and your father nodded in defeat, while Alicent and Ormund fell into silence. But as talks of exile, being sent to the wall, army requisition or even imprisonment was discussed, you only half-listened as you found your gaze transfixed on the silver-haired man a few feet away from you.

You knew Aemond to be resilient, never yielding, and you wondered what his current cool demeanour meant for you. He had assured you that he would rather live than die fighting, but you had never envisioned what it meant for his legacy, for your daughter. It felt like nothing would ever be enough, not for her.

“Is that is to be the case,” replied Rhaenys to the argument you had not followed. “If this council only settles to confine the Hightowers within the borders of the Reach, alienating the previous terms of the negotiation, then we must make another demand.”

Lannister, who bore a sinister expression, addressed her. “And what do you propose, Princess?”

“For one of you my Lords, to be granted a place at the council.”

Lannister made a faint strangled sound. “I believe that my brother’s place in the small council as master of coins is still assured? Or has it changed?”

“No it hasn’t, my Lords, however, Lord Lydden would be a fine addition to the King’s council, wouldn’t you agree?”

You straightened up in your chair at once, noticing how Aemond had done the same and was now glancing at your father who cleared his throat before talking.

“I am flattered, Princess, but my duties and the health of my wife concerns me greatly. I am afraid that I will have to-”

“Your family are most welcome in the Red Keep, my Lord, as will you. Your wife shall have the best care there is. I see no issue on the matter here,” Rhaenys stated, and when she made the most fleeting glance at Aemond, you, as all those on your side, understood.

The presence of your father at King’s Landing was the only solution they had come up with to keep Aemond Targaryen from acting against them if he ever wanted to. Vhagar was untouchable, as were you and his family, and having any Hightowers in the capital would not benefit them in any way. So instead, they would have Daeron and your father at court, hoping that would be enough.

As you glanced at Aemond, you could see how his shoulders moved with each breath he took, but still said nothing as your father stared back at Rhaenys before nodding in defeat. “Very well, Princess. I thank you for your proposition.”

You thought about your brother, who was once again abandoned as Lord of Deep Den, and about Daeron, once again separated from his family for the sake of peace, mostly a way for the Black to have both Vhagar and Tessarion apart.

The session dragged on for an hour more without any skirmishes and when it ended, you directly came to your father.

“Do not worry for me. All will be well,” he assured as he took you in an embrace while you felt Aemond approach at a respectful distance. “What matters is that your mother, brother and you are left in peace, as well as our House.”

“Still, I cannot help the feeling that all of it is my fault,” you replied, glancing up at him from your position against his chest. “I am sorry.”

“Oh but you are wrong, Y/N.” he said before bringing his mouth to your ear so that no one would hear you. “All is as it should be, the true heir sits on the Iron Throne and the fighting has stopped. I, for my part, cannot help the feeling that my role with the Greens has accelerated this outcome, and all thanks to you, my darling.”

You smiled at him, realising that when your father had abandoned his allegiance to the Blacks for your sake once, he had not forsaken his honour, and his duty towards the realm.

He would be a fine addition to the council indeed.

When he departed, passing next to Jacaerys with whom he had a rapid word with, you felt Aemond’s hand snake up around your waist to drag you out of the hall.

“Your father finally gained what he wanted, it seems,” he stated as you reached a less crowded area within the castle.

“You know it to be untrue. He only did what he had to, for the continuation of what he has worked so hard for to endure,” you replied, glancing at some Blacks who were eyeing Aemond with indignation. But he had no care for it.

“Mh. I guess I should be grateful. He was much more efficient in defending my own daughter than I was,” he said bitterly, and you glanced back at him, eyes widening slightly.

“She won’t be taken away from us, will she, Aemond?” you asked, searching for reassurance.

“Of course not,” he replied, taking hold of you so he could kiss your forehead, and you melted into his touch. “I won’t have you, her or my mother out of my sight anymore, they cannot reach you while I am here.”

You closed your eyes, enjoying the warm feeling his words were giving you, his strength radiating through your very being.

You slightly parted from him. “What happens now?”

Aemond only smiled at you.

-0- Epilogue

I am forever grateful to @enchantingcupcakecollectionfan for beta reading (even though I apparently manage to be alright this time)

@let-love-bleeds-red@crazylokonugget@jeyramarie@ephemeralninon@mrswhitethornbelikov@dudfahsn@missusnora@queenofterrasen418@honeytrapsblogp-graham@heathclifftragedyy @discowizard88@ivartheblessed@xceafh@bubbletae7@omgkatherine01@tzipora-art@signyvenetia @ml0103 @nsainmoonchild @lonadane @skythighs@bietchz@samnblack@mariaelizabeth21-blog1@projectcampbell @ripdragonbeans @caribbeangal@polireader@zillahvathek@moni-cah @literishdegree99 @a-beaverhausen @thekinslayer @maniccrystalhippie @princessofdarkwinter @isaxbella749@claudie-080102@ebaylee422@hydrationqueensworld@crumblychunksofheaven@officiallyunofficialperson@grungegrrrl@stargaryenx @dark-night-sky-99 @notanenthucutlet @saeselkie

#aemond #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen #aemond imagine #aemond x oc #aemond x you #smut #angst #prompt #fanfiction #aemond one eye #house of the dragon #hotd #aemond x original character #aemond x female original character #aemond x reader #aemond targaryen x you #ywawm

153 notes · View notes

strxwberrychocolate · 1 year

Text

˗ˏˋ bittersweet ࿐ྂ Fujio and the girl who’s been in love with him since middle school

notes: based off the boy I've loved since 6th grade who I know will never like me back and resembles fujio's personality a little too much. It's going to be 8 years as of 2023 October and I'm still not over him but it's okay, I'm alright with pining. the oc is literally just a self-insert so it's a mirror of myself and this is written in first-pov. long story short, this is my life story put into a short fic

warnings: canon-typical violence, recreational drug use, underage drinking, alcohol abuse, smoking, mentions of abusive relationships, implied physical abuse, mentioned eating issues, weight-related talk, shotgun kisses, blood, mentions of periods, references to depression, victim blaming, unhealthy coping mechanisms, mild gore, this is basically a trauma dump in the form of a fic so plz be aware, not edited

pairing: fujio x oc (one-sided), sachio x oc (one-sided)

word count: 6309

❝how did love become love?❞

—

I don’t really remember life before Fujio Hanaoka. But then again, who genuinely remembers life before middle school? I met Fujio in middle school, 6th grade to be exact. Fujio came to my middle school around a month after it started because he was visiting his grandfather in the countryside and his mother decided to prolong their stay. One thing I noticed was that Fujio was popular. Very very popular among all the kids in class. It was then I realized that I was the outsider in this classroom. Everyone had gone to the same elementary school in this classroom and they all already knew each other. But I didn’t feel like an outsider for too long because the teacher had Fujio sit next to me since it was the only empty seat left. I had always been a pretty shy kid so making conversation was always hard but it seems that Fujio knew that so he talked to me first. We talked about the elementary schools we went to, the area we lived in, what we wanted to be when we grew up, and the annoying people in the class. Fujio talked and talked and talked to me and all I did was listen.

It wasn’t long till I fell in love.

Fujio knew everything about me. He’d been there at almost every major stage of my life.

Fujio was the one that taught me how to ride a bike, he was the one that listened when I felt insecure about the way I looked, he listened to me talk about my dreams and aspirations, we celebrated when I got her first period with cake(It was more like comforting but it was still a core memory). We’ve been with each other for really most of the important parts of our lives. But I wasn’t his best friend nor was I the one he loved. He loved me but not in the way I wanted him to.

Middle school ends quicker than I wanted and high school starts. We don’t go to the same high schools but at least it’s in the same area. Fujio goes to Oya High and I go to Meiwa Girls School. It’s like a 5-minute distance from each other. Fujio stays at Oya High for a week until he has to go to the countryside to help his mom take care of his grandfather. I was absolutely devastated but there isn’t anything I could do. I became friends with Tsukasa Takajo during Fujio’s year-long absence. It seemed the blonde boy misses Fujio too. Things happen in SWORD but that isn’t too important. Nothing was really important to me while Fujio was gone. It sounds stupid I know but I was a bit of a hopeless romantic. It was horrible, I know. I waited and waited and waited.

Things happen during Fujio’s absence other than that whole shit show that is SWORD’s politics. I meet a guy. He’s sweet. He goes to Shutoku Boys High School. We got together too fast. I used to say it was love at first sight. I think I was wrong. No, I definitely was wrong. I don’t really remember how we met— they say the brain blocks out things that were traumatic and too much for it to handle. Was that how it was for me? Things were sweet at first, we’d text and call each other all the time. He was sweet. I think I loved him at one point, at some point. But none of that matters. None of it matters after everything he’d done. We’d talk to each other all the time, eventually, my sleep was gone trying to comfort him about the breakup he had 3 years ago, going out with my friends after school stopped and so did so many other things. I used to really like swimming, I don’t remember the last time I went. I guess I lost all the motivation to do anything.

I thought it was fine. I thought this was love. I was wrong.

It was a conversation with Tsukasa I had during my 6th month with him that made me realize what was wrong. “Sweetie, you do know you’re getting abused right?” Tsukasa said with his signature blank face, using the pet name akin to an insult

I laughed awkwardly because I in fact did not know that. It took all night for me to convince Tsukasa not to go beat the shit out of my boyfriend. I think if Tsukasa hadn’t been all burnt out since Fujio’s departure he definitely would have gone to Shutoku and beat the shit out of the guy.

Breaking up with him had been the hardest part. It took 4 months, and 4 tries. Todoroki had been helpful in that. The last try was where Todoroki came in. I won’t go into detail but jealousy and me having to stand my ground was involved. The breakup wasn’t pretty but I was free. Surprisingly I didn’t cry. The breakup happened at 6 am, the morning before a major math test. I’m pretty sure I failed but it was okay, I was free and it was all that mattered. I went to Oya High that day and skipped the rest of my afternoon classes, I wanted to tell Tsukasa and Todoroki about it in person. Turns out, everyone knew about my little problem. Maybe it was because of my very obvious physically deteriorating health and the depression I think I had that made me lose so much motivation that my curly hair was now straight and frizzy. It was nice to have all the support.

Mostly everyone was supportive and I think I may have talked about it too much, my past relationship I mean. But I just wanted the validation that I wasn’t wrong, that I wasn’t going crazy and all the things he did to me were in fact wrong and disgusting. But some people said it was my fault. Some said I should have left earlier. It made me feel worse. Tsukasa says they’ll never know what I went through unless they’ve experienced the same thing. No one will know about the nights I stayed up crying, not eating and— ah~ I’m rambling again.

This guy had been a huge factor as to why I changed so much. When I was young, I had issues with eating, I didn’t eat that much and it bothered my mom. But when I did eat she’d encourage me to keep eating so I didn’t fucking die of starvation or something. My ex had been the first to ever tell me to stop eating. I guess it messed me up a lot. Even after I broke up with him, getting back into my usual more healthy habits was hard. Really hard.

My confidence had already been non-existent before but after the breakup, fucking hell I felt terrible.

It was 3rd year and my grades were horrible, my skin, my teeth, my hair. I just really wasn’t having a good time. I used to drink before. For fun. Now it was just to forget. I wasn’t sad about the breakup itself, I wanted to forget about all that he’d done to me, everything I went through. I was angry. It made me angry that I went through that. How could I let myself go through it? Why didn’t I leave? I think all the anger I was feeling just drowned out all of my sadness.

I let go of the chance of ever falling in love again. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to feel that way, this way ever again.

But I guess one part of me knew that if Fujio ever came back and asked for my heart, I’d tear through my skin and muscles and pry open my ribs to give it to him.

—

❝I’m hiding in the rain, always smiling❞

—

It was like the universe finally had pity on me and one day finally, Fujio comes back. I see him outside the gates of Meiwa. Girls are staring at him of course, watching from afar, giggling. I don’t blame them. Fujio was handsome. He had a nice smile and nice features. He was really really good-looking, even more than the last time I saw him. “Fujio” I said walking over, a huge smile on my face

Fujio smiles right back at me. “Hey, long time no see! Miss me?”

“Definitely didn’t” That was a lie, I did, I missed him a lot

We stayed out that night, catching up. I patched up Fujio’s knuckles as I usually did and now we were sitting at an empty park just on the border between Oya and Sannoh. We were sitting on the swings, Fujio right next to me. The sun is setting, lighting up our surroundings in a warm orange and pink. Fujio looks pretty. His tanned skin it lit up in gold. He looks gold. For all I know, Fuijo was spun from pure gold thread. “Tsukasa told me about it… You and that guy” He says

I already knew Tsukasa was going to tell him. I was always a bit scared of that, telling Fujio. Would he be one of the people that supported me and comforted me or would he be one of the people that blamed me for what happened? “Yeah…” I say hesitantly “It was… a lot”

I close my eyes silently waiting for some kind of belittlement or blame but instead, I feel someone stand in front of me. “Hey” Fujio says

I open my eyes. He’s standing in front of me looking down at me while I stay sitting on the swing. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself have you?” Fujio asks, hand coming up to take a strand of my hair between my

I flinch. That was a huge mistake. Anger flashes through Fujio’s eyes as does pity. I feel terrible. Fujio looks like he wants to ask me something but he doesn’t. What he does instead is crouch down in front of me. “Hey” He says, his voice is a little quieter now

I’ve never heard his voice sound like that. It’s new and for some weird reason, I feel guilty. Fujio is looking up at me from where he’s crouched down. The swings are pretty low to the ground so he isn’t tilted his head too far back and I’m not tilting my head too far down either. “You didn’t deserve that” Fujio says

He takes my hand. I know this was supposed to be something heartwarming but my heart was just beating so fast and I started imagining us getting married and having kids and having grandkids and— yeah I got carried away. “And I mean it” Fujio continues “I know whatever I say isn’t going to make it better or change anything that happened but you didn’t deserve that no matter what other people have been telling you”

Figures. Fujio knew what people were saying. He always did. “What if they’re right?” I ask

There always has been this voice in my head telling me that what happened was my fault, that I deserved it. I know I didn’t but, your mind tends to be your own enemy. Fujio scoffs. “Be fucking for real! You…” He tugs a little at my hand and takes the other one as well “...You are the nicest person in this shit hole that I know. You’re so nice to everyone, you may not be the smartest and you are a little stupid and slow but… You’re so sweet. Don’t fucking let anyone tell you it was your fault because no one except you knows what happened. Never, never in your life will you ever deserve to be treated like that.”

Not only did it make my heart feel like it was doing an Olympic-level gymnastics routine in my chest but, I think I finally got the validation I needed after everything that happened. Fujio did just call me stupid in the middle of it but that didn’t matter. Not now. “I’m so so proud of you for getting out of that relationship” Fujio’s thumbs rub along my knuckles, I think he felt me shaking “It doesn’t matter how long it took you, it matters that you did it. You’re okay or… You’re going to be okay. I promise I’ll help you and I’ll make sure that fucking piece of shit will never hurt you again”

Finally, finally I was comforted the way I wanted. I finally got to hear everything I wanted someone to tell me in the first place. Being told you weren’t too broken and you could still be healed felt good.

Hearing it from Fujio was really just a plus point.

—

❝Eyes meeting but hearts apart, it’s so sweet yet so bitter❞

—

Fujio was… Friendly. He was charismatic and very handsome so of course he’s had a bunch of girlfriends and talking stages and friends with benefits. A lot of girls liked him as well, many asking me to set them up with him. I guess in the end I’ll always be that one rare girl best friend that actually isn’t something to worry about. I’m not too sure how to feel about it. Sometimes it feels like Fujio has kissed everyone but me. Am I jealous? Of course, I am. Even now as he shows me a picture of the new girl he’s dating. “She’s pretty” I gush and nudge him, because if I don’t nudge him I might just kiss him

I think I’m a pretty good actor. I’m good at pretending that my heart isn’t tearing itself to shreds every time he talks about another girl. I should definitely win an Oscar award for these performances. I’ve never tried to make Fujio like me. Because I know he doesn’t and no matter what I do, it is no use. I’m not his type nor the one he will ever love. Love can happen eventually, I know that but Fujio will never love me, I’ve already come to terms with that. But even if I have, that doesn’t mean I’m over him. “You think so?” Fujio says with a grin looking right at me

I nod. It’s really all I can do.

One thing Fujio likes doing is try to set me up with his friends. Today, it was Sachio. Don’t get me wrong. I like Sachio, but not the same way he likes me.

Sometimes I think my unrequited feelings for Fujio is just karma for all of Fujio’s friends I have rejected.

Fujio tells me Sachio really likes me. I think at one point I did like Sachio. He’s sweet. Really nice and respectful and would definitely be a better boyfriend than Fujio ever would be. But maybe it’s just me holding on so tightly to my first love, only ever having my eyes on Fujio that I’m not ever able to look at anyone else. I want to. I really do. But at the end of the day I always come back to him. I don’t expect for Fujio to return my feelings I just… I don’t know.

Maybe one day I’ll get over Fujio, move on. But I don’t think so it’ll happen soon.

I hope it does. Soon I mean.

Because my hands are starting to burn from the rope called first love I’ve been holding on so tight to.

—

❝Ruinous imagination consumes me, makes me dream sweeter dreams❞

—

“You really wanna meet Sachio?” Fujio asks me

“I’ve already met him Fujio” I tell him

Sachio was nice. I wasn’t over Fujio but I could stay stuck up on him either. It wasn’t healthy and I knew it. I should get over it, I should try. Not only to get over Fujio but also what my asshole ex did to me. Fujio aside, I was tired of feeling so angry all the time. I didn’t tell anyone that I felt angry rather than sad. What if I tell them and everyone that was supportive of me starts calling me crazy too, or stop supporting me through it? I think my emotions were always something I kept to myself. I didn’t want to tell anyone about it. It didn’t matter to me who stopped supporting me just not Fujio, never Fujio. I might actually go crazy if he does. Honestly speaking, I think I already am crazy. I won’t be surprised if I go for some psychiatric test and the results come out with a diagnosis telling me I’m crazy. After everything that’s happened paired with my weird dependency on Fujio, I think I am crazy. “Yeah but, no you know he likes you” Fujio says “Are you gonna give him a chance”

We’re inside a convenience store. Fujio wanted to get something to drink. He’s standing in front of the fridge trying to figure out what he wants while I’m standing in front of one of the glass doors of the fridge staring at my favourite drink. I want it. But I don’t really have the energy to bring my arm up and open the glass door. It’s weird. I don’t have the motivation to even do the things I like. I want to stop feeling like this. I thought being here with Fujio would distract me from the feeling but I guess not. I thought my heart was only filled with Fujio but that void after my breakup is getting bigger and it hurts. “Maybe…” I say, staring at my blurry reflection in the glass

I look tired. I’ve always had eyebags due to having low iron and a shitty sleep schedule but now they were darker. My skin thankfully looks the same and isn’t dull. I think I should thank myself for being so strict about my skincare routine and eating habits. But the glow in my skin doesn’t matter when the look in my eyes just shows how fucking exhausted I am. It’s not really my eyes that I’m worried about. It’s my hair. I’ve always loved my hair. Everyone has. It was curly and long and Fujio really liked it. It wasn’t curly-curly with ringlets but more wavy-curly. Now it was kinda straight and a little frizzy at the ends. Oh. It feels like I was seeing my own reflection after years. I look like this? This is what Sachio likes? I don’t think I’ve ever felt more ugly in my life. To make things even worse, there’s an annoying pain in lower belly. I’m on my fucking period. “...Hello?” Fujio nudges me

I look at him then look away. I can feel Fujio looking at me. I want him to stop. I feel gross. Fujio opens the door and I watch him take the drink I was staring at. “You were just staring at it” Fujio says

Before I could tell him I don’t want it, Fujio’s already heading for the counter and he pays. Oh. I think I’m going crazy. “Come on” Fujio calls

I follow his words and go outside. Fujio’s already sitting outside the convenience store on the curb. I sit down next to him. “You didn’t have to get that for me” I say

Fujio shakes his head. “You were just staring at it… So I got it for you” He says and opens up the drink before handing it to me

I take it. “Why were you staring at it?” He asks

I know I shouldn’t be admitting it out loud, but I tell him anyways. “I don’t know… I wanted to get it but like… I don’t know. It felt like too much work”

Had I been making any other expression, Fujio would have laughed at me and called me lazy. But no. Instead he gives me a sad look. “You’re fucking depressed” he says

Wow. I definitely wasn’t expecting that. “H-huh?”

“Don’t h-huh me!” He says, mimicking my words

Fujio grabs the drink he just gave me and aggressively puts the cap back on. “You need help” He grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me “Why didn’t you tell me before”

I feel weirdly ashamed right now. Tears well up in my eyes. “I told you that I’m here for you. If you’re feeling like fucking shit then you should tell me” Fujio says

He takes his hands off my shoulders and now he’s holding my face. Something wet touches my cheek and Fujio’s eyes soften. Oh. I’m crying. This was more embarrassing than it needed to be. “You don’t need to pretend to be happy or a certain way around me. I’ve already seen you being weird and fucking embarrassing! So please” Fujio says, his thumbs wiping away the tears running down my cheeks “Please just tell me what you feel. Tell me when you don’t feel okay, tell me when you’re sad, tell me if someone is hurting you, tell me if you’re scared. Just tell me”

I’m shaking. Fujio just keeps telling me everything is okay, that he’ll make everything okay. It’s unrealistic for him to say so, even I know that but any kind of comfort, even the unrealistic kind sounds nice when you’re hurting. “I promise… I promise, everything will be okay” He tells me and presses his forehead against mine

I guess there was a reason I was never able to fall out of love with Fujio. When he does things like this, how could I ever get over him?

—

❝I close my eyes but thoughts of you bring turmoil to my nights❞

—

“Has anyone ever told you how obvious you are?” Tsukasa says to me

I stare at him in confusion. We were on the top of the temple. Yes, the temple whose stairs Fujio falls down on a daily basis. We were meeting his new girlfriend. This sounds horrible but I’ve already forgotten her name. “Huh? Obvious about what?” I ask

Tsukasa nudges me. “You like him”

My hands tremble. I didn’t expect him to say that. “What? No” I deny it immediately

The blonde boy next to me on the bench only laughs. “You think I’m an idiot? You’re really really obvious. You like him, everyone knows”

Um. What? Tsukasa sees my reaction and sighs. I’m not sure what face I’m making but I think it might be the same one where Tsukasa told me I was getting abused. Fun right? “No one has told Fujio about it but he does know”

This just keeps getting even worse. “What?”

I want Tsukasa to stop talking. I don’t want to hear anymore but I have to. “Fujio knows you like him. He’s known all along. But Fujio also knows you’ll never confess to him because you know he doesn’t like you back. That’s why he keeps you here with him unlike the other girls who have confessed and then got rejected” Tsukasa explains

I’m not to sure how to feel about this. I look over toward Fujio. He’s with his girlfriend further away. It looks like she’s arguing with him but he’s only smiling. I watch him reach over and he grabs her waist. Instantly she stops and her cheeks flush red. Or I think they do. I can’t really see far away and I don’t want to wear my glasses. You know anxiety and stuff. Seeing the world clear just doesn’t help and I think the 480-720-pixel resolution that is my eyesight really helps with calming my nerves. But right now it feels like I can see everything clearly. Fujio’s lovestruck look, his girlfriend’s shy smile. I can see it all. I wish I couldn’t. “He… Knows?”

“I won’t tell him that I told you. But yeah he does know. That’s why he’s always been trying to set you up with someone else because Fujio thinks you don’t deserve him”

I frown and look away from the two lovebirds. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tsukasa scoffs. “Oh please, we all know how much of a shitty boyfriend Fujio would be. I’m his best friend, I know. Fujio is to friendly and you’re still healing…” Tsukasa tells me “But okay, let’s say all that with that motherfucker from Shutoku didn’t happen. Being with him would make you so fucking insecure. He’s talking to new girls every day. He’s so fucking affectionate with everyone, you’d be wondering if he was cheating every other day”

Tsukasa was right. I knew he was. I thought about this before. Fujio wouldn’t be a good boyfriend. If there was ever a day that he maybe did like me back, it would be painful being with him. But still, I was still so fucking in love with him. I hated myself for it. “I know” I mutter quietly “I just can’t get over him”

Tsukasa next to me sighs and he rests a hand on my shoulder, lightly squeezing. “Try talking to Sachio more. I know him, we all do. Sachio’s nice. I’m telling you to use Sachio to get over that idiot over there but… Maybe you should try looking for other guys. You’re not gonna get over Fujio without actually looking” He tells me

He was right. Ugh fuck. Maybe I should talk to Sachio.

Why not?

—

❝Don’t wanna let go so I let go❞

—

Today was one of the rare days I was wearing my glasses. Fujio insisted on some bonding time with resulted in Sachio Ueda, Yuken Odajima, Tsukasa and Fujio’s girlfriend and me going to the movies. Now Fujio and I were waiting outside the bathrooms on the bench, waiting for all of them. I had sat next to Sachio during the movie, sharing popcorn with him. Fujio told he didn’t tell Sachio that I know he likes me. I guess now that I do know, things are pretty clear. I don’t know why I haven’t noticed it before. Maybe it was because I was too focused on Fujio. “Why does he like me?” I ask Fujio “I’m not pretty or like… Smart. There isn’t really any redeeming quality about me”

Fujio is fiddling with the movie tickets, his and his girlfriend’s. He looks at me, giving me a weird look. “You don’t think you’re pretty?”

I push my glasses up my nose and shake my head. “No. I’m not. I mean come on Fujio, look at me” I tell him

I guess I’ve always been pretty insecure about myself growing up. Especially when middle school started. My parents and relatives have always told me I’m pretty, backstabbing cousins and aunts say things to me out of apparent jealously. I pretended to think I was pretty when I was at home. I don’t think I’d ever be able to tell my mother how I actually felt about myself when she was always so proud of the way I looked, that I was so pretty. I think it would break her if I told her I hated myself— that I hated my face, my body, my own skin. I could never tell her. It was with my friends I could really spill out all my feelings. “Yeah I am” Fujio says “You’re not ugly”

I roll my eyes. “Uh-huh”

Fujio nudges me in the ribs. “I mean it. You’re definitely not ugly”

He leans over and brings his hand up. He’s so so close to me right now, I can feel his breath, see every pore and blemish on his skin— he’s still so beautiful. Fujio pulls my glasses off my face. I have told him many times not to do that. Taking my glasses off for me always felt so unnecessarily sexual. I didn’t tell Fujio it was like that though so he still continued doing it whenever I wore them anyways. “You’re very pretty, that’s one of the reasons Sachio likes you. But Sachio aside, you’re not at all ugly. You’re pretty” Fujio tells me and his other hand brushes a piece of my hair behind my ear “I’d never be friends with an ugly person”

My cheeks are no doubt red. But I play it off by punching his arm. “Fuck off” I mutter “Let me wallow in my misery in peace”

Fujio laughs softly. I want to kiss him so bad. “You are stupid though” he says

I hit him again and suppress the urge to kiss him. Fujio isn’t mine so I can’t kiss him.

—

❝will our eyes ever meet each others again?❞

—

I often wonder what kind of a person I would have been if I never met Fujio, if I hadn’t fallen in love with him. It sounds like a nightmare. I can’t imagine my life without Fujio. Maybe I’m just that much in love with him. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. Sometimes I wish I was in love with Sachio instead. But now, sometimes has turned into an almost every day wishing as I watch Fujio and his girlfriend play around in the park while I sit alone on the bench. It’s 12:30 am. I should be going home. I’m not even allowed to be staying out this late. But I haven’t gotten any calls from my mom, maybe she’s already asleep. I say and lean back into the bench. There is something painful watching the person you love fall in love and be in love with someone else. Even more painful watching them receive it back. “Hey” Sachio sits down next to me

I look at him and smile. After the movies Yuken insisted on going to get some stuff because he hadn’t smoked in so long. Stuff meaning weed and next to me Sachio is smoking some as well, the spliff between his fingers as he leans back against the bench next to me. Yuken and Tsukasa are off to the side talking quietly amongst themselves while smoking and Fujio’s still with his girlfriend, pushing her on the swings. “You feeling okay?” Sachio asks me, taking a drag before slowly exhaling “I heard about what happened with the guy”

Sachio has always been the kind of guy everyone went to when they had some kind of problem. He was nice and gave really good advice. “Yeah… I mean… It’s taking a lot longer than I expected for things to get better” I say quietly

I started taking a lot of painkillers after my breakup, not just alcohol. Thankfully Fujio seemed to catch on and stopped before things could get serious but I still feel like absolute shit during random times of the day. “Well you can’t expect to get better overnight. Your relationship was 9 months… That’s a long time. So you can take your time getting better too” Sachio says

I turn my attention to his lips, watching them wrap around the spliff and slowly exhale. Sachio sees and grins. That’s kinda hot. “Wanna try?” He asks

I stare for a moment at the drug wrapped in brown paper. “I don’t know how”

Sachio’s red-rimmed eyes are saying so much but so little at the same time. I don’t know what he’s thinking. But whatever he is thinking is making him hesitant to do whatever he wants to do next. It’s a short moment before he speaks again. “Come closer” he says

I obey without thinking, the sides of our thighs pressing together. Sachio takes my glasses off my face. Haha fuck. He brings the spliff up to his lips and then pauses, still looking a little hesitant. “Inhale okay” he says before taking a drag

Sachio leans over and I don’t move. He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. He leans in closer, closer, closer. I can see his pore, the blemish, the moles, I can see all his skin up close. I think he’s going to kiss me but Sachio hasn’t closed his eyes. I realize he hasn’t exhaled yet so I have an idea of what he’s doing. Sachio’s lips press to mine but not to kiss. Well kind of. He exhales smoke into my mouth and I inhale. His lips feel soft. It feels nice. Sachio pulls away not too long after but I can still feel his lips on mine. I exhale, coughing a little bit. My throat burns but it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be. “Didn’t know you knew how to do that” Sachio says with a little laugh

My face is probably red right now. “Uh… I saw Odajima teach a girl how some weeks ago” I mutter

Sachio laughs. “Of course you did” he says

He’s smiling hard. I wonder why he he likes me. I wish he didn’t. Sachio shows me how to properly smoke after that. He doesn’t let me smoke to much though. It’s not too bad but he says he knew I probably didn’t each much so I shouldn’t else I’d feel nauseous. It feels weird being high. I’ve drank but smoking was a new territory for me. I feel a little lazy. But not the bad kind. This doesn’t feel too bad. I have a feeling I’ll get an earful from Fujio later, he’s been giving me looks. Fujio doesn’t smoke, Tsukasa does. Tsukasa gets scolded by Fujio on a daily basis when he comes back smelling like weed. I probably won’t do this again. I look at Sachio who’s already looking at me. Maybe it’s the weed that is making me lose lipped but the next words leave my mouth like vomit. “Why do you like me?” I ask and regret it immediately

Sachio smiles. “Why? Do I need an exact reason?” He asks

Something twists in my chest. It hurts. I don’t want him to like me. Not because I like Fujio, but because I don’t deserve to be liked by someone as nice as him. I’m a horrible person. “You deserve someone better,” I tell him “I’m not fishing for compliments here but I’m not exactly the most extraordinary”

Sachio sighs. The spliff is finished and now all we’re left with is uncomfortable questions. Thank god I’m high or I probably would have ran into the middle of the street and got myself hit by a bus on purpose. “I don’t care if you’re not anything extraordinary” He tells me shaking his head “I like you and you don’t get to decide who I deserve… That’s for me to decide”

I want to cry. I want to so badly feel better again or maybe at least get over Fujio. “But I… I’m not okay. I probably won’t be for a while. And no matter how hard I try I… I don’t want you to wait for me forever Sachio. What if I can’t ever fall in love again?” I tell him, almost whispering at the end

Sachio turns his entire body and is facing me. “I don’t mind waiting” He says with a smile “But me and my feelings aside, you can take as long as you want to feel better. It doesn’t matter who’s waiting for you. Me or Fujio or anyone. You need to feel better for yourself”

I fumble with my hands while staring right into his eyes. Does being high make you emotional? I don’t know. But fuck I felt like crying. “How do I know if I’m better… It feels like I never will”

Sachio is smiling so softly at me. It makes my heart hurt. His hand comes up and he takes a stand of my hair between his fingers. “Your hair. Maybe when your hair is back to how it used to be is when you’ll be better” He tells me

It’s 1 am. I should be at home. But here I am, with Sachio— the boy that loves me the way I wished Fujio loved me. I wish I loved him back. There are so many things I want to ask Sachio right now but I don’t. How do you get over someone who was never yours, to begin with? Who do you blame when you’ve broken your own heart? I don’t say anything but Sachio keeps talking. “I’m not forcing you to love—like me back… Right now I’m just telling you to take your time and maybe love yourself first” He says

Stop loving him goes unsaid but I know he wanted to say it. At that moment in Sachio’s eyes I see something of myself. He looks at me the same way I look at Fujio. It hurts. I wonder if this hurts him as much as it hurts me. But here’s the thing, I could get over Fujio and maybe I could even one day love Sachio back. But I’d never be able to forget the feeling of hurt nor the thought that I may only be loving Sachio back because I don’t want him to feel the same way I feel right now. I look toward Fujio who’s wrapping his girlfriend up in his arms and kissing her forehead. It feels like pieces of glass are tearing into my heart.

Had someone told me being in with would be so painful I would have never fallen for Fujio in the first place. I look at Sachio and feel almost a little better.

Does he wish I get over Fujio?

Does he pray at night for me to love him back?

I’m not sure I want to know. Maybe my problem is that I love Fujio way more than I love myself. Maybe the day I start loving myself again will be the day I get over Fujio. Sachio’s hand comes up and he brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear.

It’s 1:35 am, I’m supposed to be at home sleeping but instead here I am; high in front of a boy that doesn’t love me back and sitting next to one that does. I feel ungrateful and cruel.

I hope I never break Sachio's heart like I broke my own.

#fujio hanaoka #high&low the worst x #high&low #high & low #high and low #oya high #high&low the worst #unrequited love #Fujio Hanaoka x OC #high&low x reader #fujio hanaoka x reader #high&low the worst cross #sachio ueda #hanaoka fujio #ueda sachio

114 notes · View notes

notalkingbusiness · 4 months

Text

The Book of Carol & The Heroine's Journey - Part 1: The Descent

The Descent sees our heroine in crisis.

Carriger says The Descent’s trademarks include a broken familial network, the heroine’s pleas being ignored, the heroine involuntarily withdrawing from her community, and the heroine’s family being unable to help her.

Let’s take these one by one and think about how they could be used in TBOC.

(1) Broken familial network. The heroine’s familial network has been broken – someone she loves is in great danger. More often than not, someone she loves has been taken from her.

In TBOC, Carol’s familial network is broken because Daryl has been taken from her.

Carriger says “If you want to set your heroine into motion quickly, take someone she values away from her” – that’s certainly true for Carol, isn’t it? Nothing would set Carol into motion quicker than Daryl being in danger.

Carol knows in her bones that there’s no innocent explanation for Daryl's absence.

Carol will have more questions than answers at this point in the narrative, but there's one thing she knows for certain: she'll do whatever it takes to get Daryl back.

She’ll do whatever it takes to bring the man she loves home.

(2) The heroine’s pleas ignored and she abdicates power.

The heroine needs help in bringing her loved one home. She needs resources and manpower, but she’s unable to get the support she needs from her community.

Will we see Carol's pleas being ignored? I'm not sure. I guess Ezekiel could say that she’s worrying over nothing.

Or someone could really twist the knife in and suggest that Daryl might not want to come back. It would be untrue, of course, but a comment like that would eat away at Carol.

She'd wonder if she did something wrong. If she unknowingly drove him away.

A naysayer's comment could ultimately make Caryl's reunion all the sweeter when Daryl instantly sweeps Carol off her feet.

A passionate, romantic reunion could put some of Carol's demons to bed forever.

(She is enough. He loves her. He'd never abandon her.)

While we might not see Carol's pleas being ignored, abdicating power is undoubtedly part of her story. We last saw Carol as one of the leaders of the Commonwealth government, but her loved ones will always take priority over work. She’ll drop her government responsibilities at the drop of a hat to rescue Daryl.

Normally I’d be a bit wary of a story in which a woman abandons her career for a man, but I was never convinced Carol wanted a leadership role in the Commonwealth. It felt like putting a square peg in a round hole. Carol doesn’t have to run a settlement just because that’s what Maggie and Michonne did. Heroines don’t value power and influence, that’s not what’s important to them.

Love is the most important thing to a heroine. They want what’s best for the people they love. They prioritize keeping their loved ones safe and happy above all else. That’s Carol’s whole personality in a nutshell, right? Carol’s love has always been and will always be her superpower.

In TBOC, I’m hoping Daryl asks Carol what she really wants.

Spoiler Alert: Carol doesn’t want to go back to her desk job at the Commonwealth. She wants to build a life with Daryl. She wants new adventures with him.

(3) The heroine’s withdrawal is involuntary.

The heroine is motivated by the desire to protect her loved one, rather than a desire to travel or seek glory.

This follows on nicely from the point I was making about Carol and leadership – about what Carol wants and values. Carol’s withdrawal is involuntary because it’s not like Carol has a burning desire to see France. (New Mexico, on the other hand ...) But if France is where Pookie is, that’s where she’ll go.

Carol has always been driven by love; glory has never been on her radar. We've seen this on the flagship show time and time again. She'll pull off these amazing stunts and she'll still be wondering if she's done enough. Case in point - remember the moment just before the Terminus hug?

Carol emerges from the woods wordlessly and cautiously. She keeps her distance from the group.

My reading of this scene?

I think, even after saving everyone, Carol was bracing herself for another rejection. Carol was ready to drop Daryl’s crossbow and melt back into the trees, if that was what her family wanted. She was not expecting a hero’s welcome.

Carol loves fiercely and selflessly, always putting others first.

We need to see Daryl putting her first in TBOC.

We need to see Daryl being as devoted to Carol as she is to him.

(4) The heroine's family offers aid but no solution.

The heroine’s family is sympathetic, but they can’t solve her problems for her. They can’t bring her loved one home for her.

I’m not sure how much TBOC will provide on this front, both because of filming constraints and other complicating factors. I don’t know how much Carol would tell Judith and RJ about her mission. And, let’s face it, they’d both try and join her if they knew Uncle Daryl was in danger.

But Carol could have an honest conversation with Lydia. For instance, Carol could explain the situation to Lydia and ask her to look after the kids. Lydia wouldn’t want Carol to go alone either. But Lydia could agree to hold the fort because she knows she’s not ready for a mission like this, not after her recent amputation. This would very neatly hit the “family offering aid but no solution” beat. Also, Carol and Lydia screentime was sorely missing in S11 so I’d be very happy if that could be rectified in some small way in TBOC. I’d love to see Lydia acting as a sort of confidant for Carol.

Heroines value their relationships with other women, and I really hope TBOC recognizes that central tenet of the Heroine’s Journey.

Final Thoughts on The Descent:

The Descent will be a bittersweet watch if TBOC is taking Carol's emotions and motivations seriously - if they're not afraid to show just how much Carol loves Daryl. The joy of having Carol back on our screens will be counterbalanced with Carol's deep emotional turmoil. Carol's going to be thinking about all those people she's loved and lost, all those people who went missing and never came home.

TBOC is inherently an emotional journey for Carol - Melissa McBride should be taking the lead when it comes to the emotional core of Carol's story. She's spent over a decade with this character - she knows Carol's headspace and heart space better than anyone else. She is absolutely essential in ensuring character and story integrity.

Over to you!

What do you think Carol values most in the world? What are her most powerful motivations?

If you’re in favor of TF cameos, who do you think Carol should interact with and why?

Do you have other ideas for what you’d like to see during The Descent section of Carol’s journey? (Don’t be shy! There are no wrong answers or silly questions.)

Thanks for sticking with me :) I hope you'll join me next time when I'll be talking about The Search.

#caryl #carol peletier #twd caryl #melissa mcbride #the book of carol

24 notes · View notes