MXTX Side Characters Tournament Submissions

SUBMISSIONS ARE CLOSED

Rules

One character per submission. If you want to submit multiple characters, please do so in separate forms

No main couples (Bingqiu, Wangxian, or Hualian)

Preliminary polls may occur to decide whether or not to include other significant characters like Feng Xin, Mu Qing, or Liu Qingge. Minor but popular characters like Six Balls will be allowed.

Tag: #mxtx side characters tournament

Submission List below the cut (Dealer's Choice not included)

SVSSS

Zhuzhi-lang 

Submission 1: Snake boy my beloved

Submission 2: I love him

Shang Qinghua / Airplane

Submission (2): He's a sidekick and he's so sidelined that despite creating the universe he's treated as an afterthought - doubly a side character! But also? So relateable. He would absolutely have been on tumblr in his first life, he gets so excited about his blorbo who treats him terribly (until they finally get a happy ending in the extras - also! he has to wait for the extras to get his happy ending! very side-character of him). He holds the fascinating position of being mostly irrelevant to the story and yet without him the themes would totally fail. He deserves a win on something for once, okay?

Sha Hualing

Submission: Her cringefail losergirl swag has captivated me 

Mu Qingfang 

Submission: Ppl tend to completely forget he has a mad scientist side (see Jinlan arc) and if he gets into the tournament I'll have a reason to bring it up.

Daoist nuns triplets 

Submission: Authors of "Song of BingQiu" and the true culprits behind the ass wine extra. Stop crediting Liu Mingyan with their hard work! 

Mobei-jun

Submission: He's a demon tsundere who doesn't realize his human boyfriend is scared and easily squishable. Got demoted from king to cabinet minister during a hostile takeover but is pretty chill about it. Huge boobs.

Six Balls

Submission: When he was born he weighed as much as six balls. Current ball number unknown.

Helen of Troy*

Submission: uhm she isn't a Side character ? but she is referenced heavily by the main character and the subtext. This is integral to the plot of SVSSS because the subtext is where it's actually at. If all you do is read the book you will have several misconceptions of the plot. Anyway Shen Yuan!Shen Qingqiu is a metaphorical Helen of Troy within the story AND HE FUCKING SAYS THIS HIMSELF INSUSJSKS

*will have to pass a preliminary poll to be included in the tournament (<-thinks it would be funny to put her in)

Ning Yingying

Submission: Her glow-up in the SVSSS timeline is real! Instead of becoming Luo Binghe's childhood sweetheart, she roasts him for referring to her too familiarly. Love this for her. 

Gongyi Xiao 

Submission: He is such a Good Person who didn't deserve his fate :(

Qin Wanyue

Submission: Scum Villain's wettest and most pathetic loser! Of course, she's so pathetic that she's constantly overshadowed by more bombastically pathetic characters, but I think she deserves her chance at recognition. 

OG Luo Binghe’s Harem

Submission: Binghe's harem the whole collection all of them together an amalgamation of all the wives 

Tianlang-jun

Submission: Incredible character who does it like him 

TGCF 

Quan Yizhen 

Submission: He's a good boi and thinking about him makes me cry a lil'.

Yin Yu 

Submission: The guy of all time. The most average god ever. Someone give him a break. His face is so average that Xie Lian thought it was fake 

Ling Wen

Submission: Girlboss. Did nothing wrong

Bai Jing (Brocade Immortal)

Submission: no 1 ling wen simp (just like me fr)

MDZS

A-Qing 

Propaganda: She's so smart. She tricked so many people into thinking she was blind for so long. Also, she was really kind and considerate. Like she didn't have to save all of those people from Xue Yang. Oh and she's an excellent judge of character and super brave. Really hope she wins, she's such a fun little genius girl

Su Minshan / Su She

Propaganda: Idk I just kinda like him

Submission 2: Look at him having his own life and grudges and friendships and priorities completely unrelated to the main characters! He was so right to curse Jin Zixun 

Wen Ning 

Submission: This poor guy dealt with so much shit in life, only to be killed, resurrected, and forced to deal with Wuxian's bullshit for years on end

Jiang Cheng

Submission 1: Extremely traumatized yet also somehow the most normal and functional by the end. Huge bitch but I (and at least one of the other characters) think he deserves to be even worse after everything he's been through

Submission 2: Simultaneously badass and the most cringefail man. Extremely funny and stylish but still manages to be very uncool. Cries a lot. Also he's lost a lot of tumblr polls—let's give him another shot! We definitely love him more than his dad did!

Submission 3: He's got mommy issues AND daddy issues. He loves his sister and his shige so much. He's traumatised and incredibly competent. He rebuilt his whole sect! He's an asshole (affectionate). He's purple! He's got the coolest weapon ever conceived. I'm so worried about his blood pressure basically all the time. 

Wen Qing

Submission 1: Doctor, mad scientist, war criminal, protective big sister... she has the range!!

Submission 2: Wen Qing my beloved!! She did surgery on a grape. Mad genius for real. Also a loving sister with a very sharp tongue and maybe no sense of how far is too far. Can't wait for them to find her alive in a Koi Tower basement!

Submission 3: Justice for my girl!!!! 

Submission 4: She's bitchy and pragmatic and cares deeply and did an unprecedented operation (experimental and nonconsensual!), what's not to love? Also she deserved better.

Jin Ling

Submission 1: He may be a brat, but he has a good heart and a friendly dog. He thinks he's the main character of a much less intense story which keeps almost getting him killed 

Submission 2: Bestest boy in the whole world. He's got a dog! A helicopter uncle! His dad's sword! Yeah he can be a little brat but he's SIXTEEN okay (or thirteen, or whatever, MXTX HELP) and he's got an incredible capacity for forgiveness. He's so good!

Xue Yang

Submission 1: No propaganda submitted

Submission 2: It's not that he's evil. He lacks empathy and he goes into a disassociative state and commits atrocities.

Xiao Xingchen

No propaganda submitted

Song Lan 

No propaganda submitted

Fairy (Jin Ling’s dog)

Submission: The cutest, smartest, and goodest doggo! She's the one who led WangXian to the Nie sword tomb to save Jin Ling! and led Jiang Cheng to Guanyin Temple to save Jin Ling! and led Lan cultivators to the temple to help Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen (and Jin Ling!)

Bichen 

Submission: this sword has been through a lot…

Lan Xichen

Submission: Pay your respects to the captain of the WangXian ship! Those idiots would keep pining for another 13282627 years if it weren't for him!

BRIEF OC INTRO AND A SHIT LOAD OF JADU HEADCANONS!!

hey guys,,,,…

back at it again at brainstorming what farms and farmers ill create once sve 2.0 comes out

idk if ive ever said this, or emphasized it enoigh, but im an avid jadu fan. like. i love him so much its not funny. like once 2.0 come out im dropping lance for jadu and camilla (im sorry).

so, in order to encompass that, heres a new addon to the barabell bloodline (if it isnt enough) with jo. (who actually pursues jadu)

there are shocking similarities between bo and jo its almost..,,, almost as if… almost as if jo’s one of bos… one of bos, and dare i say it, old designs. (shes not distrustful of guilds, tho, and is more rational than her cousin. otherwise theyre really similar in personality. they dont even knoweach other. i rly like to recycle i think its fun)

all of the extra shit under the cut cuz this is a LONGGG post

example here (pls ignore how bad it is ive grown ok. ive grown. ik the anatomys off. ik shes got back breaking tits. ik. ok. shut up)

and now, the new and improved one! where shes just better. i love her. oh, and also, yes ik she looks similar to ophelia. theyre both old designs of bo, but also half sisters. yeah, thats right. ophelias mom had an affair. anyways, i love them both equally (no i dont i love ophelia more)

anyways ik we had nothing on jadus personality but i cant help but think hes immature. like stupidly immature. and annoying. and talkative. but all in the GOOD way yk. ik his portraits and looks say hes probably more calm and mellow, maybe even a little cranky and professional, but also like…. his dialogue???

yes, jadu, i did kmow but mirages but thanks for telling me. i guess i am p well known im the guild… maybe, maybe just a lil bit hehe. im glad i stopped by too, even tho its just ot see ur face teehee

dialogue im referencing:

"Mon": "You've heard of mirages? Sometimes when it gets hot enough out here, the air shimmers, and it's like you can peer into a different world.$0",

"Wed": "I've heard people mention you a few times, @. You're pretty well known in the Guild, huh?$1",

"Tue": "yawn It gets pretty monotonous out here. I'm glad you stopped by to visit.$0",

yeah, but anyways i love jadu

did i ever share jadu headcanons? like, ever? im not sure. ik a lot of these are prolly not true, but i love to hc so many people as goofy. like. genuinely silly.

anyways, here's a bunch of jadu hcs

1) I know he's probably not going to end up AroAce, but I do not really see him being too into relationships. Like, he's obviously going to end up at a datable/someone who develops crushes considering he has blushing portraits, but I have never seen this guy being SUPER into relationships. he seems like he has little to no interest in them, or just doesn't experience those emotions. i might have to ease out of this headcannon, but that's cool. i can still heavily hc that he's demiaroace/grayaroace. who's gonna stop me? not any of you thats for sure.

2) super skinny. like. concerningly skinny. but he's self-conscious about it. idk if i've every brought this headcanon up in detail, but i've always imagined that magic can vastly alter the human body. like, it can go as little from pink hair (lance) to actually mangling and destroying the body from the inside out. in jadu's case, the energy the magic eats up leaves him without much fat or muscle on his bones. he often has to overeat just to keep up with it. the idea that he's never going to be physically fit for the job kinda bums him out, but his magic keeps him viable for his position.

3) silly. that's it. he's just silly sometimes. goofy, even.

4) really talkative. ready to info dump on anything he knows about, especially when under pressure/in high pressure areas. doesn't matter what it is. his job? yes. magic? of course. what happened in 2005? put a gun against his head and then he will. also really knowledgable in firearms. for no reason, either. like, he doesn't use them or want to. he just knows a lot about them.

5) if he does end up liking someone, chances are it's gonna be someone strong and independent. serious, but lets loose easily. like, as long as he can depend on someone and they don't need to depend back he's set. (mostly scared of accidently letting them down, but he's also kind of attracted to power that he doesn't have. like, he'd swoon over a chick that body builds proudly)

6) blunt. i think he's a really blunt person. not in a rude way, but also isn't afraid of telling the truth.

7) i think he's sometimes accidentally really horrible. like, saying things that would sound horrible coming out of any other person's mouth. don't get me wrong, jadu's a total feminist, lgbt ally/part of group, anti-racist, yada yada. like, he is super progressive, but sometimes it's just so easy to twist his words into something worse.

Jadu: I don't like the fact that you're right.

Jo: Why?

Jadu: Because it's you! It's just, you. And people like you. Like, I can't stand knowing I was corrected by someone like you.

Jo: Like me? So a woman? What, you think women can be right? Is that it?

Jadu: what.

Jadu: NO WAIT

poor example, but yall get what im getting at

8) genuinely funny. like, i think jadu would be an excellent comedian. probably pisses camilla and isaac off with out non serious he is. (camilla only in certain situations, tho)

9) really likes the song "macarena" even if it doesnt fit with the rest of his music taste.

10) probably a huge bookworm/nerd. i see him collecting old victorian romance novels either to rub it in lance's face that he has a larger collection than him (unaffective) or because he craves that kind of love, even if he can barely feel it. oh yeah, you heard me. jadu's INCREDIBLY guilty about his lack of romantic and sexual feelings towards people. it makes him feel like a total outcast.

11) short king. like isaac, i think jadu's probably considered short by American beauty standards. i'm thinking somewhere around 5'5-5'9 (165-175 centimeters to all my non 'muricans out there)

12) debating on whether or not i think he's trans. on one hand, yeah, seems like it. on the other hand, idk. maybe. if he is, definitely used magic to help him transition. (if i do end up hc him as trans, then he also definitely had a phase where he strictly used they/them and dressed femininely to try and convince himself that he wasn't fully trans. not that there's anything wrong with fem they/thems, or with trans people, but i think a lot of trans guys go through a forced feminine phase.)

13) listens to soad, icp, will wood, and slipknot. a little bit of lemon demon and tally hall, too. he also listens to a few mainstream indie rock bands, and a few old metal/rock bands.

14) fucking HATES math. absoltuely hates it. cant stand it. does not understand numbers at ALL. i actually think he's got dyscalcula.

15) also i think it'd be cool if he had echolalia, or at least frequently repeats phrases he likes or hears oher people say. mostly funny phrases, or phrases that aren't funny that he finds funny. (just like me when he repeats "shadow money wizard gang we loove castin spells")

16) definitely more internet inclined than any other guildmate of his. idk. i just think he's a part of the younger crowd, and therefore had some internet usage.

17) has a THICK galdoran accent, but has trained himself to talk in like 1000 other accents so he can mask his accent. like, if he was talking with someone from ferngill, he'd put on a ferngillian accent yk. mostly because his accents almost impossible to understand to non-galdorans

18) cannot take care of a plant even if his life depends on it. nor can he take care of a pet or anything similar. camilla cant ask him to babysit her slime (Sir Fredrick III, dont forget his name) because he'd end up cooking it for lunch without realizing.

19) loves exercise, but can preform in it well (due to the poor muscle growth). like, he loves going for a run or doing strenght training exercises, he just cant keep the muscle that he may put on.

20) has stupidly curly hair and cant control it for shit. has no clue how to maintain his hair, but is surprisingly good with makeup. like, REALLY good. (practices with camilla's makeup when she's not around. this does not make him less of a man do not say that)

ok there's 20. im sure i could come up with more (even nsfw ones if you gave me enough time to brainstorm. i have a couple but not a lot. as i've said, i dont see jadu getting down and dirty often, but ik he'll prolly be a datable once 2.0 comes out)

Smallville fanart? In 2021? It's more likely than you think!

I just love the idea of gen-z Clark so much

‘Intrusion’ extra, what it says about Jiang Cheng’s role in MDZS, and how Wei Wuxian looks back on his past with the Jiangs

I said back in like June that I’d write meta on this and then put it off for a few months, oops! Here we are, finally!

First things first, both the ‘Intrusion’ and ‘Iron Hook’ extras are not just silly romps featuring married wangxian and fanservice, as some people seem to believe?? I’d say both of them clear up pretty neatly, for those that are still confused, points of contention in the fandom - such as Wei Wuxian’s heroism, and Jiang Cheng’s role as an antagonist. Specifically, if his actions were justified or sympathetic, and if he was punished unfairly by the narrative.

The first and most obvious statement made in ‘Intrusion’ is the parallel between the story of Young Master Qin (YMQ), and JC and WWX’s youths. I’ll summarise quickly the relationship between YMQ and the fierce corpse that has been bothering him.

They grew up together in YMQ’s grandmother’s house, since they were a similar age they played together

The fierce corpse (FC) was a servant in YMQ’s grandmother’s household

The grandmother took a liking to FC, and he was in some ways treated less like a servant, and more like a member of their clan, and was allowed to attend school with the other boys

YMQ specifically notes that his grandmother used to praise FC a lot

YMQ describes a story at the school in which someone answered a question, and FC incorrectly claimed he answered wrongly. When FC pushed the matter, the other students became annoyed and drove him out of the class

It is very heavily implied (to the point where ‘implied’ isn’t really the right word) that ‘someone’ was YMQ, that he had actually answered the question wrongly, and that he felt shown up by someone he felt should be below him proving so, and that he led the other boys in driving FC away

FC left the school and didn’t attend again

I probably don’t need to lay out where the similarities are…?

In response to YMQ’s story, Wei Wuxian (rhetorically) says this - ‘“Regarding the solution to that problem, in the end, who was right and who was wrong?”’

Aside from just exposing the kind of person YMQ is, in reference to a story wherein ‘FC’ is clearly a stand in for WWX, and YMQ for JC, MXTX’s decision to highlight specifically that it was FC that had the right solution to the problem is not insignificant. Nor how she specifies that he was the instigator of FC’s expulsion, while hiding behind the mob mentality of the other students.

Another interesting detail is that YMQ deliberately obscures the truth throughout the chapter, because despite his refusal to acknowledge it, possibly even to himself, he knows that between him and FC he is the one in the wrong. Similarly, JC obscures the truth about WWX, to the wider cultivation world during the period of WWX’s ‘downfall,’ (Ch.73) but also, more importantly, to JL after WWX’s death. JL believes that WWX ordered WN to kill both JZX and JYL (Ch.42). Of course, if JC did not have a guilty conscience, he would not feel it necessary to lie about these things. Or rather, convince himself that they are true, as he still blames WWX for the deaths of his parents’ and JYL and the end of the story (Ch.102).

YMQ’s attitude about servants is bad enough that it upsets Sizhui quite a lot, and shortly after their interaction with him, we have this exchange between LSZ and Wangxian.

‘Lan SiZhui thought about it, “I do not know either.” He responded with honesty, “He never did anything truly evil, but perhaps I find it difficult to deal with people of such character. I do not particularly like the tone with which he mentioned the word ‘servant’…”

He paused at this point. Wei WuXian was oblivious to it, “Typical, typical. Most of the people in this world looks down upon servants. Servants sometimes even look down upon themselves… Why are you two looking at me like that?”

Halfway through, he interrupted, not knowing whether to laugh or frown, “Stop—is there a misunderstanding here? How could I compare? Lotus Pier isn’t the usual household, after all. I’ve beaten Jiang Cheng up way more times than he’s ever beaten me!”

Lan WangJi didn’t say anything, but instead gave him a silent hug. Wei WuXian couldn’t help but smiled. He hugged back, stroking Lan WangJi’s back a couple of times. Lan SiZhui coughed. Seeing how confident Wei WuXian looked, not at all sensitive to the word ‘servant’, he was finally at ease.’

There’s a lot going on here...

Firstly, WWX definitely does not think badly of himself because his father was a servant, because WWX doesn’t think badly of servants. It is also true that Lotus Pier wasn’t so strict with hierarchy as other sects (Ch.51, Ch.71), and that WWX and JC sometimes playfully fought on equal terms in their youths. But WWX was also very clearly treated badly in the Jiang household due to his status, notably by YZY (Ch.51, Ch.56, Ch.57, Lotus Seed Pod extra), JC does also repeatedly enact real physical violence against WWX, that he simply brushes off (Ch.56, Ch.59). You could argue that the example from Ch.59 is under extenuating circumstances and therefore should not count, but the same excuse cannot apply to Ch.56.

Knowing this, Lan Wangji’s response to this, to hug WWX, does not feel casual at all. Instead it comes across as if he is offering comfort, which WWX accepts.

Finally, this exchange finishes with ‘Seeing how confident Wei WuXian looked, not at all sensitive to the word ‘servant’, he [LSZ] was finally at ease.’ To me, this seems to suggest that the entire purpose of this was not at all reader directed exposition about how good and equal the Jiang household was, but rather a WWX-typical veneer meant to appease LSZ’s concerns (taking a moment to quietly fangirl about how good MXTX is at ‘show, don’t tell’). Also suggests that WWX is aware on some level that he was treated badly, and LWJ is too - presumably, it is something that they have spoken about.

Continuing with the story of YMQ and FC…

YMQ returns to his home village as an adult wearing a jade pendant that belonged to his now deceased grandmother

FC asks to borrow it, YMQ allows it, thinking FC is missing his grandmother

FC returns telling him he has lost the pendant, YMQ thinks he has actually sold it, and has him beaten, it is very heavily implied that he breaks his leg

In the present, YMQ admits that he doesn’t actually think FC would have gone so far as to sell something of his grandmother’s

This is reflective of JC’s attitude towards WWX throughout his life, with regards to how he frequently comes to the worst conclusions about him, without having any real evidence, and lashes out at him for it. I spoke about this a bit before here. Most notable example is probably during their conversation in the demon-slaughtering cave wherein they discuss WWX’s defection, and JC decides that WWX is acting carelessly and playing the hero, though admits himself that WWX is following the Jiang Sect’s teachings, then declares WWX an enemy of the cultivation world behind his back.

The ambiguity of FC’s death, and YMQ’s role in it discussed in part 3 of the extra is referencing WWX’s own death, and JC’s role in it. In the end the conclusion is that whether or not YMQ was responsible, FC did not hold him to it.

In the end, FC is content to simply throw some fruit, and punch YMQ in the face in vengeance for his death, and even goes out of his way to avoid hurting LSZ when he is fighting him. He returns the jade pendant, that he really did lose and not steal, and goes back to resting peacefully.

WWX, LWJ, and LSZ’s views on YMQ’s fate are as follows

‘Lan WangJi gently tugged Lil’ Apple’s rein, his voice calm, “He was fortunate.”

Wei WuXian agreed, “Indeed. Young Master Qin has got quite the luck.”

After some time, Lan SiZhui finally couldn’t hold his words back any longer. Sincerely, he spoke, “But I still feel that only one punch might be a bit insufficient…”’

JC didn’t even get a punch to the face. I’d say he got off very lightly indeed.

Character Design Thoughts for Shen Yuan & Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky in ‘The Untold Tale’

(This is a Follow Up to This Post)

Hello, @averydrearydiana! Loved reading through your tags! I’m excited that you’re excited! Since I’m also seeing comments on AO3 speculating about how our transmigrators are going to appear as in The Untold Tale, I might as well give my current thoughts and have this archived on tumblr for future reference.

A fun fact about TUT is that a lot of the imagery in the story is inspired by Chinese PVs and popular C-dramas and literature. Since TUT is conceived as a lovestory to SVSSS, one element that I’d wanted to incorporate is playful attempts at satirical genre deconstruction. With that comes with me playfully poking fun at some clichés or things I’ve noticed in Chinese works.

Shen Yuan’s Celestial Design

Before I talk about his mortal appearance, I have to give a lil context about his celestial design in the story. We already know what he looks like as the celestial fortuneteller in TUT’s cover art that I’ve already posted on tumblr. As everyone knows, I was heavily inspired by this Chinese PV:

(TUT ch1 - Excerpt)

Among the things I’ve noticed are the fictional characters with white hair. We have a whole subculture of fans liking male character designs with white hair in anime and animation. Taking that a step further, they’ve even shown up in C-dramas, i.e. Teng She from Love and Redemption (technically more blond than platinum white, but shhhhh, just let me have this), Dong Hua Dijun from Eternal Love of Dream aka Three Lives Three Worlds, Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms (rest assured, I’m aware of the source material’s controversy, but let’s not get into that here), etc. One of the tags for TUT is Opposites Attract. Luo Binghe’s color coordination is aligned with black and red mostly. Now, visually speaking, what’s the opposite of that?

The yin yang symbol.

Fun fact, besides black vs white, green (SY) is the complementary color of red (LBG) on the color wheel. Now taking everything I’ve said, to take it even one step further, my thought process at the time was, “why not go the extra mile then and just have SY be albino? Within context of the Heavenly Realm, that character design makes sense.” TUT is me subtly riffing off what I can (for the good ol’ meta humor), but making the content come across as a legitimate story experience. As Protagonist A and Protagonist B, LBG and SY have to look visually striking together. With all that said, let’s talk about....

(In reference to the original tumblr post)

Shen Yuan (Mortal)

I’ll keep some elements of his albinism from his celestial form (light sensitivity and pale skin mostly), but SY’s mortal form is essentially SY pre-transmigration but within context of the xianxia genre.

For his appearance, let’s just keep this Author’s Note^ and TUT’s summary in the back of our brains. This is the fanvid I was originally inspired by for SY’s mortal appearance:

(TUT Summary - Excerpt)

For what he wears, I’m currently feeling very heavily inspired by this PV:

His mortal appearance wouldn’t be considered as “strange” or “otherworldly” compared to the “ethereal fairy-like beauty” SY retains in the Heavenly Realm, but as a side-effect of the 【PROTAGONIST’S HALO】 and his +20 CHARISMA stat, he would still be considered attractive to people even when he takes on a mortal appearance. (Mainly, I like the idea of Bing gē taking large shots of vinegar seeing SY turning heads no matter which appearance SY takes on, and Luo Binghe glaring at these “insects” for even “daring to lay their unworthy eyes on his fated person.” The thought of it just makes me laugh.)

What I mean by how SY’s mortal form being very much based on how SY appeared pre-transmigration but in the xianxia genre context, I mean he’ll have his dark hair (but longer), a “scholarly air” (as a nod to his novelist background), dark eyes, and even his glasses technically (the divine monocle mentioned in ch3, which is also a subtle nod to Sha Po Lang and a riff on men wearing monocles in other Chinese works andit’salsoforeshadowingbutshhhh).

(TUT ch3 - Excerpt)

Shen Yuan originally was an author in his forties pre-transmigration, so I like the idea him having a mature air about him in the Cultivation World as well. So for both our Protagonist B’s celestial and mortal appearances, the idea is that you can look at him and immediately recognize him as a protagonist of the danmei setting. My only two prerequisites are that his appearance screams “hello, I’m Protagonist B” and that he appears in “scholarly” attire.

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky (Mortal)

Keeping in mind the original tumblr post where I wrote my thoughts on who I’m transmigrating him as, currently I’m thinking it’s a combination of these two PVs for his mortal form:

As a nod to him being a successful novelist, I wanted him to also appear scholarly. A scholarly crown prince, if you will. For his attire, imagine all the C-drama clothing you’ve seen actors wear in period dramas, and you already have a good idea already of the direction I’m heading down.

As the prince of the cannon fodder emperor, I very much like the idea of Airplane perhaps having a baby face and brown hair (as a small nod to fanon!SQH from SVSSS) but with a great body (a huge source of inspiration are clothing worn by Prince Yu and Prince Jing of the three princes from the C-drama Nirvana in Fire). Since Airplane will also be able to select his Character Creation stats like Shen Yuan had, one thing I’m fairly certain is that he will max out his CONSTITUTION—because “game logic” and not wanting to die. (For those who don’t know, the CON stat in tabletop RPs essentially indicates a person’s overall health, wellbeing, and vigor checks...so him maxing it out is equivalent to him being as invulnerable as a cockroach. A high CON means overall healthiness, which means your character probably is full of energy and vitality, can heal rapidly, and will rarely get sick—if ever. Low CON usually means a higher susceptibility to sickness and disease, wounds that fester and linger, and a general fatigue would haunt you, etc.) Like how SY zeroed in on his CHA, Airplane would have prioritized +20 CON (+5 modifier), especially knowing the fate that’d await him as a prince and the vicious environment that is expected for palace intrigue plots (the harem is a big factor, with concubines and consorts and even the empress sabotaging each other—just to win the favor of one man). Against poison or whatnot which is a cliché in palace intrigue plots, rather than relying on luck, you typically stand a better chance of passing the CON check if you have a high modifier aiding your checks. He’s basically become impervious to illnesses, most poisons (probably being able to spring back quickly), and is considered the healthiest prince in all the mortal imperial line. <- This could be taken both seriously and humorously simultaneously.

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky (Deity/ Celestial)

For Xiàng Tiān Dà Fēijī’s “actual divine body” that is currently asleep and won’t be awakened until Airplane completes his mortal trial to “regain his cultivation powers,” the face should obviously be similar but, as Xiàng Tiān Dà Fēijī, he would appear regal and dignified as a god of this world:

Imagine something along the lines of mortal Airplane as the man on the right, celestial Shen Yuan in the center, and deity/ celestial Airplane as the man on the left. I envision a respectable appearance that would knock the air out of Mobei jūn and make him recognize Airplane despite any visual dissimilarities, and in a way we have the Four Beauties of China: Luo Binghe, Shen Yuan, Mobei jūn, and Xiàng Tiān Dà Fēijī.

I will say I currently have an idea of making Airplane have “golden” eyes in both his celestial and mortal forms. (Spoiler alert: in my notes, I’d written down to give Airplane yellow eyes as an Easter egg to Yanxi Palace, I believe, where there was an episode where someone of the imperial harem schemed against the empress and almost had the newborn baby killed because that and the yellow skin was an inauspicious omen. We later find out through a timely intervention that the true reason was due to jaundice—because of the diet/ pregnancy cravings she ate for a period of time which resulted in her son’s symptoms. With Airplane’s high CON and another trope I’m bringing in which’ll have to do with the Medicine King’s Valley/ Valley of the Medicine King, his yellow eyes are the only side effect that lingered from that traumatic event which would have killed him had they gotten away with their scheme. A lot of palace dramas have to do with the vicious harem plots, so this would potentially be one such example.) The reason being that this is the identifying marker for MBJ to clue in that they’re the same man he will have loved. And I think that has romantic potential.

Misc.

Now addressing the other tags, yes, essentially speaking, Mobei jūn might just very well experience his very own Big Damn Reunion trope that Bing mèi had suffered from SVSSS. Poor MBJ. He’s in a tumultuous ride of his own with him considering Airplane as his own fated person, hahaha. But for the Moshang dynamic, I want him—a demon—to find himself taken with Airplane in his mortal guise—and subsequently his true celestial appearance once he finds out. I very much also want SY to jokingly snark to his fellow transmigrator-and-writing-colleague about him getting in a relationship with his own “creation” (MBJ). And Airplane would jokingly snark back about SY “ruining his ‘first son’ as well” (LBG). If you can read between the lines of that, then kudos. I’m glad to hear you’re looking forward to the palace intrigue.

I’m especially very happy to hear you’re looking forward to the descriptions! I personally love worldbuilding in the stories I consume I’m an interior designer and realtor irl, so I’m glad my love of house details and landscape, etc shows in TUT. For the pseudohistorical vibe, in the Mortal Realm, I will be referencing the Forbidden City of our Chinese history and a couple popular period C-dramas. Take the settings of period C-dramas like Ruyi’s Royal Love in the Palace, Yanxi Palace, and Nirvana in Fire as examples for what will be awaiting us when we finally meet Airplane in his mortal body. In the Heavenly Realm, the descriptions will be heavily referencing shows that contain aesthetics such as those of Ashes of Love, Love and Redemption, and Eternal Dream.

Take this with a grain of salt just in case I change my mind later on, but in the chapter when we meet Airplane for the first time, I probably won’t say which character he is in the first scene. I’ll give plenty of hints in the first scene so that you all can make your guesses before the big reveal, but I’m fairly confident you all or most of you will be able to pinpoint who he is among the cannon fodders. We’ll meet the emperor, who is discussing with his sons about the matter regarding the approaching calamity that is Luo Binghe. Then when we transition into the second scene, we’ll know exactly which “royal prince OC” it is that our beloved Airplane has transmigrated into, hahaha.

(*Keep in mind, for everything written above, some details are subject to change. Nothing is official until it appears in the story, or I’ve actually drawn my ideas out and posted online to both my tumblr and twitter. These are just my current thoughts.)

A goal of mine for TUT is to make the story widely accessible, meaning it doesn’t matter if the reader is new to the SVSSS fandom or aren’t familiar with the Easter egg references or meta jokes or subtext or even the Chinese culture, or even if English is not their first language. Having knowledge beforehand might help someone notice more hidden details in TUT, yes, but it is a humble wish of this writer for her esteemed readers to be able to dive into the story and get the enjoyable feeling like they’re reading a genuine danmei novel. It really makes me smile whenever I hear feedback that I am able to emulate that experience.

Very exciting developments indeed are in store!

Batfam/Avengers Crossover Chapter Six: Blooming Bromance

Tagging (Let me know if you want to be tagged): @the-fair-maiden-of-fandom

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Category: Gen

Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types

Relationships: Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Natasha Romanov & Damian Wayne, Clint Barton & Cassandra Cain, Tim Drake & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tim Drake & Duke Thomas, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent, Dick Grayson/Wally West, Roy Harper/Koriand'r/Jason Todd,

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Selina Kyle, Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown, Barbara Gordon, Justice League (DCU), Alfred Pennyworth, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, Thor (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Peter Parker, Alfred the Cat (DCU), Bat-Cow (DCU), Goliath (DCU), Selina Kyle’s Cat Isis, Kate Kane (DCU), Duke Thomas,

Additional Tags: Batbrothers (DCU), Avengers Meet The Batfam, MCU/Batfam crossover, Crossover, no beta we die like robins, rated T for Jason’s language, I bleeped it out though. Just to be safe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, canon? What’s canon?, Deaf Clint Barton,Deaf Character, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Happy Batfamily (DCU), Birdflash and joyfire are implied/referenced,

Summary: Tim hangs out with the youngest Avenger. A bromance is blooming.

Tim sighed into his mug of coffee. Everyone in his family - minus Stephanie and Babs, since they didn’t live at the manor -  had been gathered in the cave to discuss the ongoing conversation between some of the interdimensional visitors. They - consisting of Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, and Tony Stark - seemed to have been really freaked out by some of Jason’s snide comments, and were now discussing if the bats were in fact trustworthy.

Tim blamed Jason for this whole mess. Jason couldn’t hold his stupid tounge, so now Bruce had called everyone - after Cass told him what was happening -  together to spy on their guests and work out a plan.

Their conversation wasn’t that interesting either. It was everyone going back and forth, never changing their own arguments. The most interesting thing that happened was when Stark hopped on a computer and started to do research on them. Not that they found much.

“No way in f*** are we amicable!” Jason exclaimed when the article was brought up and read aloud.

“Aw, you sure little wing?” Dick asked, elbowing Jason.

“T-t,” Damian said, rolling his eyes. “Will you two imbeciles shut up? I’m trying to listen.”

Turns out there wasn’t much more. As soon as the Avengers dispersed, Tim turned off the computer. “Now what?”

Cass frowned. “They need trust. Show them.”

Bruce nodded. “Yes, it would be best if they trust us, as we are the ones sending them home. Lack of trust might provoke unnecessary responses from them. It would be best if we can work well together.”

“Show them.” Cass repeated vehemitaly.

“I agree with Cass,” Tim replied. “We shouldn’t just tell them to trust us. That could be taken quite badly. We need to show them.”

“How?” Duke asked. “I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but you are definitely not good at showing your emotions well.”

Bruce sighed heavily. “Yes, Duke, you have made that abundantly clear in the past.” Duke smiled at that, looking rather sheepish. Bruce frowned in concentration. “Let them make the first move. If they try to question you, don’t hold anything back. Try to be friendly.” Tim noticed he directed that last part at Damian and Jason.

“Don’t hold anything back?” Jason asked, an evil smirk growing on his face. Tim shuddered inwardly at whatever gruesome tale Jason was planning on sharing.

“Within reason,” Bruce growled.

Duke stood up. “Well, that sounds good for you guys, but I have Gotham to patrol.” Duke strolled off with a decidedly self satisfied smile on his face. He clearly thought that he was getting out of sharing his life story.

Bruce sighed once more. “Very well, Duke. Good luck.”

Duke nodded his thanks as he made his way to the changing rooms to get ready for his patrol.

*****

“Dude, this is incredible!” Peter had given Tim a chance to look at his web-shooters, and Tim was being a total fangirl over it.

“Thanks,” Peter replied, seeming quite proud. “The basic design is mine, Mr. Stark supplied some improvements though.”

Tim nodded as he continued to examine the device. “Are these veins turbine pumps?”

Peter grinned. “Yup! They compress the web fluid before shooting it out through the spinneret holes which cold-draws the solution and extrudes it through the air, where it solidifies.”

“And during the process the  nylon gains a four-fold increase in tensile strength?”

“Exactly!”

Tim shook his head at the brilliance. “Wow, this is utterly brilliant!”

“Thanks! Do you want to see the chemical formula?” Peter asked. He seemed really eager to talk about it with someone his own age.

“Of course!” Tim hit his forehead. “Gosh, I’m sorry! I completely forgot you came to me to see if we could make more.”

Peter shrugged, “no worries. I’m glad you like the devices.”

Tim reached over to one of the coffee tables in the sitting room they were occupying and handing it to Peter, who promptly began to write down the formula.

Upon seeing it, Tim gasped uncontrollably. “Oh my god, this is the greatest thing I have seen in a long time!” Peter had to be a genius to come up with this, Tim decided.

Peter grinned at Tim. “Really?”

“Totally!”

“You guys done fangirling?” A voice came from the door. “ ‘cause we have some people to decimate!”

Tim looked over to find Jason leaning against the doorframe, two nerf guns in hand.

“Decimate?” Peter asked.

Jason rolled his eyes. “Capture the flag on the back lawn in five. Bring whatever non-lethal weapons you want. You can get ‘em approved before the game starts.” And with that, he strolled off.

“You guys play Capture The Flag?” Peter looked excited.

Tim stood up, organizing the notes, then setting them aside. “Yup! It can get pretty wild though. Think you can handle it?”

Peter grinned. “I think so.”

*****

“Welcome to the 67th annual Bat Fa-”

“It's not annual and you know it Dick.”

Dick pouted as he looked over at Tim. “Come on, Timbo, let me have this!”

“Drake is correct, Grayson. You are acting idiotically.”

Tim glanced over at Damian. “You’re admitting I’m right?”

Damian glowered at his brother. “Of course not.” “But you jus-”

“Are we playing or not?” Someone had managed to rope Bruce into the game, but he was being pretty snippy about it.

Dick sighed, looking defeated. “Fine. Capture the flag. You all know how to play?” Everyone nodded, except Thor.

“I am unfamiliar with this specific midgardian game.”

Dick nodded. “Ok, that’s fine. Good chance to go over the rules anyway. There are two teams, each take one side of the playing area. So each team has a flag, or item of some sort that they each place in a visible yet defendable position. Part of the team defends their flag, while the other part attempts to steal their opponents’. If you get caught on the opposite team's territory, they put you in jail. Only one of your teammates can get you out, by tapping you. Get it?”

Everyone nodded. “Good. A few extra rules that must be followed,” Dick looked pointedly at Jason and Damian as he continued, “ include: no maiming. Serious injuries of most kinds are off limits. Lethal weapons are also out, unless you know how to use them nonlethally. You are also not allowed to leave the playing area at any point. Nor are you allowed to use cookies as bait in any traps. Especially Alfred’s cookies.”

Dick looked pointedly at Tim during the last rule, much to Tim’s chagrin. It had been one time!

“And finally, no touching Alfred’s shrubbery.” Everyone with the exception of the Avengers cringed at that. “Everyone understand?”

There was a chorus of “Yups” “Yes’s” and “f*** yeah, b****!” Tim didn’t need to be the world’s second greatest detective to guess where that last one came from.

“Good,” Dick said, grinning. “We’ll have two teams. Captains are Bruce and me. Let’s get into a line and start dividing.”

Tim got in line, grumbling slightly. A few of the Avengers had also joined, specifically Peter, Thor, and Banner. Tim wasn’t sure how much of a help Banner could be without “Hulking out” as Peter put it, but the guy seemed smart. It seemed like it would be an interesting game.

“Lil’ D!” Dick called, quite predictably. Damian grumbled and walked over to Dick’s side.

Bruce took longer to choose. He examined the faces of each person, one by one. “Tim.” Tim smiled, he had been expecting Dick to choose him, but with Bruce, Tim didn’t have to deal with the demon brat.

Dick chose Thor next, then Bruce chose Jason. They continued back and forth till Dick’s team consisted of Damian, Thor, and Banner. Bruce had chosen Tim, Jason, and Peter. Cassandra had opted to Referee the game, much to everyone’s relief. They could play everyone against Cass, and his sister would still win.

“Flags?” Cass asked once everyone had assembled with their teams.

“I got these from Alfred!” Dick said as he grabbed two large banners from beside a tree. One was Green, the other Blue.

Cass nodded. “You get Blue. Bruce, green.” Once Dick had handed the other banner to Bruce, Cass continued. “Ten minutes to plan and hide flags. Then go.”

They split up, Tim following right behind Bruce. “Ideas?” he asked when they were all in the cover of the trees that they had chosen for their side.

“The flag will go up in the old oak tree, as high as you can get it, Peter. I want Jason on Guard Duty near the tree, I’ll be farther out doing a border patrol. Tim and Peter, you’re both on infiltration duty. Skirt the sides as much as possible. Dick will most likely be trying to cross over, avoid him if you can. Watch out for Damian, too. He'll be joining Dick. Thor will most likely be guarding their flag along with Banner. He won’t be able to resist the pun. They should be pretty easy to take down.” Bruce paused for a moment, thinking. “Dick will probably place his banner somewhere near the westward fountain. Use the ivy wall to the east as cover.”

Everyone nodded, and separated. Peter scrambled up the oak tree with ease, and placed the banner at the literal top. It’d be almost impossible for anyone to reach it, but Tim knew Dick would love the challenge.

A couple minutes later, the guard routes were established, and Tim had shown Peter the way to the flag by drawing a diagram in the dirt. Tim quickly wiped it away, however, when Cass sounded an Airhorn. Tim had no idea where she had gotten it, but didn’t bother trying to figure it out. Tim sprinted to the side almost immediately, Peter right behind them. They wove through the trees, keeping to the shadows. Peter wasn’t nearly as stealthy as Tim, but they both kept out of sight.

Right as they were about to cross over the border, Tim stopped them. “Let’s get an aerial view before we proceed.”

“Sounds good,” Peter replied as they started to climb a nearby tree. Turns out it was the right choice, because they were awarded front row seats to Bruce grabbing Damian by his collar.

“Not today, Damian. You’re going to jail.” Bruce smiled fondly as he carried his youngest son away from the border and off to the previously chosen prison.

“Grayson!” Damian shreeked. “How dare you abandon me! Unhand me this instant, Father! Grayson! You shall rue the day I make my escape! This insult has not gone unnoticed! I refuse to be kept against my will by plebeians! You had better drop everything to assist me Grayson, or -”

Damian’s outraged voice slowly faded away as he was hauled off.

“Oof,” Peter said. “Think Dick will get him out?”

Tim snorted before shaking his head. “Knowing Dick, he’ll be remorseful for a bit before completely forgetting about the kid.”

Peter nodded. “Well, one less person we have to deal with, right?”

Tim grinned. “Yup! We should probably get going.”

*****

“Mmff! Mfffff-mmmf!”

“I think we did a good job, whattaya say, bug-boy?” Tim and Peter grinned down at a bound and gagged Thor and Banner. Both trying and failing to escape their bonds.

“I think we did quite well, bird-boy.” Peter replied. “But we should probably get going.”

Tim nodded as he plucked the banner from atop the fountain, right where Bruce said it would be.

“Let’s go!” they race off towards the border.

It didn’t take them long for them to reach the wide patch of grass marked with a hastily placed length of rope, but their path was blocked. Thor had managed to get out of Peter’s webs, and chased after them. He stood  facing them, his hammer out, pointing at their chests.

“Halt! I must not allow you any further.”

Tim grinned. “Bet I can take him down first.”

Peter grinned right back. “You’re on!”

Togather, they charged the norse god. Peter was flipped over Thor’s shoulder, shooting his webs out and pulling Thor’s helmet over his eyes, though he quickly pulled it up again. Tim unleashed a flurry of batarangs, which Thor dodged. This, however, set him off balance. Tim activated a smoke bomb, and expertly navigated the limited visuals to attack Thor, who was in the process of throwing Peter to the ground.

When the smoke cleared, Thor was once again on his back, taken down by Tim. Peter was also on his back.

“You okay there, Peter?”

Peter groaned and rolled over. “Yup. You won, though.”

Tim crowed. “Hah! Yeah, I did!” He offered his hand to his downed companion. You did a good job too though. We make a great team.”

Peter stood, and together they crossed over the border holding the banner just as Dick came out of the trees being chased by both Jason and Bruce.

“Aw, crap.” Dick said upon seeing Peter and Tim already back on their own territory.

Almost immediately, Cass appeared. A newly freed Banner also appeared. Well, he limped out of the trees.

“Team Grumpy Wins,” Cass says triumphantly. It took a moment for Tim to realise what she had said.

“Wait, I thought we didn’t use team names?”

Cass smiled and pointed at Bruce. “Grumpy.” She then turned to Dick. “Happy.”

Jason smirked. “That’s an accurate assessment.”

He and Cass high-fived.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Dick said good naturedly. “Good job guys. You up for another round?”

“Different teams this time,” Tim replied.

Dick smiled, “Sounds good! Maybe Dami should lead this time.” Dick’s eyes widened. “Crap! Damian!”

Everyone burst into laughter as Dick sprinted towards Team Grumpy’s jail.

I’ve been doing a lot of fashion designs for work, so I wanted to do some for myself!

Assorted OCs from assorted projects, check the captions for who’s who, or check out the same post on my deviantart here!

All of these were heavily referenced off photos I’d been collecting for fashion inspo; click the read more to see all of them:

*This post is for my friends please don’t reblog

This post has been a long time coming lmao. Lil Kim and Remy Ma dropped “Wake Me Up” and I’m about to shove my opinions down your throats. So I’ll start with the positives. I️ absolutely LOVE the ‘updated’ beat. “Queen Bitch” by Lil Kim is such a great song and definitely one of her best. The beat was amazing to begin with and the update wasn’t super in your face or offensive in any way. I️ have mixed feelings about the flows. Yes, I️ get that she’s gonna reuse the same flows as “Queen Bitch” but I️ feel like the callbacks were a little excessive. I️ think the beat was an amazing callback but she over referenced the lyrics to Queen Bitch making it sound a little less personal and innovative. To begin with Queen Bitch was heavily influenced/written with Biggie’s help. He provided the reference track to show her how to execute the song to the fullest making it feel extra unoriginal. It went from Biggie to Kim and years later to Remy. I️t feels like a tweaked copy of a copy. Personally I️ love both her verses however, objectively speaking they definitely weren’t perfect. The line “My hands like Mayweather’s” is good and all but as my pal Olly pointed out Mayweather wasn’t known for his punches but for his defense. But on the other hand of course if you got punched by Mayweather it’s still gonna fuckin hurt. Kim’s chorus was okay. It was a little bland and repetitive and she doesn’t sound like herself but the humble reference was dope. Remy’s second verse is fun af but soooo repetitive. She rhymes ‘shit’ literally 8 times in a row. It’s difficult to stomach from an analytical standpoint. Nicki does the same thing in “Rake it Up” with the word China. Nicki did it bc she’s into using homonyms/homographs but that’s not what I’m babbling about rn. Again, when Remy rhymes shit 8 times in a row it’s because Lil Kim had rhymed bitch in “Queen Bitch” 7 times during her first verse. So not only is it repetitive as shit (pun intended) it’s also not at all innovative or creative. The strongest lines in verse two were definitely “‘cause you a clown and Homey don’t play that shit” you kiddos probably don’t remember the show “In Living Color” but this line was a great reference to a great show that jump started a lot of careers. The bars that dig the deepest are definitely “I heard he lay that dick, you let him filet that fish/You just met him, how he bae that quick?” This of course is a shot at Nicki Minaj and her new boyfriend Nas. Remy is implying that she heard Nicki fucked Nas and made him ‘bae’ too quick seeing she recently cut off her engagement to Meek Mill. Ouch Remy. She then raps “I'll say it to your face, don't gotta relay that shit/If Nick-ole a Kid-man, OJ that bitch!” Oh my god where do I️ even begin with this. Remy in her Genius video explains the lyrics and starts the video off by saying this song is “not about anyone” like bruh you can’t say “I’ll say it to your face” and “it’s not about Nicki” she’s being incredibly hypocritical. Now to the most frustrating line of all. “If Nick-ole a Kid-man, OJ that bitch!” First of all, OJ was not married to Nicole Kidman he was married to Nicole Brown. Second, Nicole Kidman is an actress and has no ties whatsoever to OJ. Third, Nicki’s full name is Onika Tanya Miraj, not Nicole. Fourth, Remy caught her mistake AND KEPT IT IN KNOWING IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE. It’s so frustrating listening to her claim to be an artist dedicated to her craft when she won’t even fix a simple but vital mistake because it “sounded dope”. Again, hypocritical. Now to the final line of the second verse. “If that's your dog, I suggest you go train that bitch!” She’s telling Nas to control Nicki bc Nicki’s out here not paying homage to rappers like Lil Kim who helped lay the foundation she built her empire on. I️ agree with this but not the control aspect of course. She’s her own woman but I️ really hate that the artists I️ respect and look up to disrespect each other and drag other women down like it isn’t already difficult enough in a male dominated industry. I️ also feel like Remy just didn’t put enough into this song. She had two simple verses, used a blueprint of a blueprint, and didn’t fix sloppy/lazy mistakes. Lil Kim closes the song with some of the worst, unoriginal lyrics I’ve ever heard from her. I️ Love Lil Kim to death but I’m so disappointed in this song. So much potential wasted. Kim should have had a rap verse with complex metaphors and her famous fuck you attitude and voice but instead we got what sounded like a washed up auto tuned Kim. She didn’t sound like herself, she was slurring words, wasting space (there should have been a rap verse in place of that nonsense) and the auto tune made it unlistenable. I️ honestly can’t even listen to the ending because it’s that bad. I️ skip after Remy’s verses. I️ do love the song though it’s a bop if you don’t over analyze and skip Kim’s verse. I’d probably give this song a 4/10 maybe a 5/10 on a good day. Beat was good, some great lyrics but mostly stale and unoriginal, and having Lil Kim and Remy Ma on a distrack @ Nicki is such a fuck you so I️ dig that distrack wise.

here i am again, smashing the crystal vases and good china, ravaging the beautiful dining room and chucking antiques across the room. i want to be done here, i want to be done here! i want to move on, but to what? i can’t remember how to even be a person, i can’t find the light and this tunnel is so dark and endless, we don’t even have headlights to guide us. i came here to bring you on a date in the stylings of nineties classic it takes two starring kirstie alley and the olsens, except instead of mka we are switching them out for young taylor swifts, that’s right two of them, which is all i could think about the entire time i rewatched it again. so here goes nothing, we open on a street corner in philly because this is our version and the ahhccents are gonna be mewr sewth philly than ahhhnything. taylor swift number one, let’s call her taytay the scrappy orphan that has self-professed lousy english like aintcha gonna wanna git ewta here before they catcha? nobody even blinks and in pigtails and a worn out backwards baseball cap on her head, this ten year old who is probably played by an eight year old swift bc coming from a fellow tall person we just sprout from the crib it’s nuts, i’ve always looked older than i was from being tall. so eight year old swift is playing ten year old scrappy orphan taytay who is always chewing gum and has a baseball bat as kirstie alley (YOU.) look out the window and yell at her like, cmahhn tay! you got an appt with the butkis’ and i told u not to get that dress dirty! and tiny taylor chewing gum is like awww cuhmuhhhhhn doi-anne! just lemme knahck this one outta the pawrk first! that’s not the line it’s something else referencing the fact that they’re playing in the middle of the street of their inner city neighborhood. she is the pretty white girl of the orphanage so it makes no sense she hasn’t been adopted but is of course the star athlete of the kids and favorite of the social worker you-kirstie alley. she is accosted by kids and called a reject and lil taytay’s all why i awwwghta! she’s making her best >:| face, and pop goes the weasel she hits the ball and probably breaks a window or something and as she runs to the cab the kids are like, the butkis ppl are creeps that collect kids! and taytay is tayrrified before threatening the other kids with her fists in the air as the cab drives away. cut to a close up of a nineties cellphone and private plane landing, and taylor number two is wearing a practical pantsuit in beige and just won another piano competition, and she overpronounces all of her t’s at the end of her words. let’s call her fancita. yes i’m serious, i’m already so tired and bored of this story, it was way more exciting after rewatching the other night. whatever this story is just a remix of the parent trap anyway and that’s why we have two baby swifts and don’t ask me why, don’t ask me why i’ve taken you this far down the rabbithole but let’s just keep going until we find each other. so fancita is an aristocratic princess that plays tennis and i don’t know, i’m just trying to get to the part where they are like omg let’s get this social worker and rich man who has a cell phone company before that’s even a thing, and while orphan taytay is in danger of becoming the next adopted butkis - which in this version is just straight up trafficking ring i mean come on, they were pedos and it was heavily insinuated in the movie, but basically she’s in danger of being adopted into an abusive hellhole and fancitay is like hey girl hey! when her butler arrives to pick her up from her private jet. the nineties always portrayed wealth with these long ridiculous limos and british butler limo drivers, which as we now all know rich people are just driven in cars w tinted windows and the only people riding in limos are seniors in high school, but i digress. she meets her new soon-to-be stepmother, also played by taylor swift, present day style. she’s all, when i was your age i had already been through three stepmothers, you’ll be in a tibetan boarding school as soon as the wedding is over tomorrow! for this she is in her satanic red high priestess dress from lwymmd, golden snake rings at all. actually let’s just say at some point she’s bathing in diamonds as well, i mean there are many versions of her current snake-embraced image that we can use for this but that’s not the point, it is that im not even in love with grown taylor swift! i am just trying to fill the void of my dead wife who loved children and built a camp conveniently across from the literal castle we live in. i haven’t been there since, pushes back hair like sigh, since she died ten years ago right after fancitay was born. i’m all, cell phones, i hate the damn things. back when i invested in them everyone thought it was just something out of star trek and now i’m a lonely billionaire marrying snake taylor in a haze of confusion and thinking that’s what i should do, fancita needs a mother after all. you’re a tough talking protective mama bear that wants to adopt orphan taytay but you’re just a social worker and what? the butkis’ already had the paperwork go through to adopt her?? i come to find you after a failed horse meetup planted by the taylor twins to apologize for leaving you to get yelled at by steptaylor, and you’re like look keep your fancy cell phone company lifestyle and keep it moving, bucko! in the movie they get into a food fight but i’m not trying to go that deep, but basically we fight until you, an enraged four foot two version of kirstie alley okay you’re actually just a tiny goth and i’m a clumsy ogre, that part never changes. you push me with all your might, not necessary trying to push me into the river but it happens and i’m all, oh my god i feel like a kid again! this must be love! okay but seriously, that part’s the realest. i do feel like a kid again, and this must be love, mustn’t it? what will our tiny taylors tell us? we don’t know what it is or why, but it makes sense because we feel it, i can feel you. even when you say to your fellow social worker friend (played by your bandmate and beloved drummer) guys like that only date girls with food names like candy or muffin or cookie, and princess taylor disguised as orphan taylor turns around from her archery practice, greatly offended and snapping back, his dead wife was a teacher that loved kids and built this camp and she wasn’t a food her name was kathy with a k played by kourtney in a brief shot of her glamorously in a casket but dripping in jewels and hands delicately crossed over her chest. whatever, goth kourtney fantasies are not the point ok i know that. you look at princess taylor disguised as pauper taylor and are like well excuse me jeez, you don’t gotta bully me over it. sigh so then the state comes for her and accidentally send my daughter to some terrifying child sex ring that nightmares are made of and turned into dateline episodes, and this one is no less horrifying. orphan taylor shows the butler various scars and marks and bruises to show that she’s a fraudulent child that happens to just be another cute blonde that adults didn’t look closely enough at and notice bc they aren’t actually twins in this story, they’re just strangers that look alike. which honestly is prob when they first really started making the olsens insane irl like, pitting them against each other by pointing out fraternal differences and how one was the cute one the other was just the sister oh, don’t even get me started, dear. steptaylor comes home with ultra long extensions like repunzel after sneaky orphan taylor put gum in her hair. the original she gets it all cut off and suddenly her loss of beauty is signified by a short haircut which is so dumb and we just can’t agree with something so stupid, so in this she comes back with thousands of dollars worth of hair that isn’t hers just to prove her worth and appeal, which honestly is much sadder than a short sassy do any day. we get to the home of the butkis’ but no one answers and a neighbor who in the actual movie looks exactly like mike, like no shit just put a bass on him and it’s like every dude in a band probably but him specifically - unless i hallucinated it, the point is! he originally says oh that guy works those kids into the ground at the factory all day, or something like that, but in this version maybe he just shudders bc everyone just gets the pervy vibe from this butkis guy. the door gets kicked in as they are just about to initiate her into the butkis cult of abuse, and i don’t know i think it just ends with like, kirstie alley and the dad kissing? like they don’t get married or anything i don’t think. which leaves so many questions open like, if they do end up getting married, will the taylors become friends? will fancita resent taytay for taking up space and attention away? or will she be so grateful for good mother that everything will be fine and normal and fall into place? it seems like they’re all destined to end up on doctor phil. i mean, what happens when this bonehead (me) doesn’t continue to invest properly and his dumb luck cell phone business inevitably plummets because by the late nineties they’re a dime a dozen and each one is a sinking ship. what happens when they go bankrupt and all have to be poor, will they stay together? will princess taylor be like this is all your fault you’re bad luck with your poor people vibes! bc she can’t understand the crashing economy and how this is just what happens to people, one day you can be rich and the next totally broke, and it’s not really anyone’s fault. are you going to still love me even though i am horrible at saving money is what i’m asking? like, can you just quietly move money around in my accounts for me and put stuff in my savings when i’m not looking? because if i see literally any extra change i’m going to be like time to go eat giant cheeseburgers and drink ourselves into a coma! i got a groupon for a hotel stay in florida, let’s road trip! i know what your biggest concern is besides money and it’s because i know you like the back of my head (not at all), but the answer is no, steptaylor drowns in a sea of snakes at some point because i don’t have time for a decent end for her. i feel like it should be more feminist, like maybe she gets a job slinging mary kay and in the process realizes not only is she a boss at making her own income but that she doesn’t even need the amount of makeup she had been using before. she has like her own spiritual journey in the background somewhere far, far away from us and our super exclusive love, as well as our twin daughters taylor one and taylor two. i have completely forgotten their names by now but i’m just here to see if you even still love me. well? do you??? i’m just trying to prepare you for when i’m like, starting every other sentence with “you know when my wife died…” at really inappropriate times like, to a cashier in the checkout line or just in bed when we are having a romantic evening that i was bound to spoil in one way or another, so it may as well be with dead wife talk. you will probably just laugh and attempt to smother me with a pillow for being so, so embarrassing. i miss you i love you i hate you i don’t know you. i want you. do i ever even say anything else anymore? i mean it is halloween season so technically i don’t have to be original, right? you are the only ghost i could ever truly love, and that’s saying a lot seeing as how i arrived to this world haunted. pls tho, don’t ever stop being my best boo.