asked the really sweet expo kid how he's feeling and he very funnily goes mannn i'm at work mannn

strong silent bartender very gently told me after I mixed up a spicy marg order with a regular marg that it's normal to make mistakes and he does it every night (i don't believe him)

told a couple I waited on that I was going to clock out and go home with them to watch netflix and then actually ran down the street after them bc the dude left his bookbag and I yelled I really am coming with you!! think they were drunkenly horrified for a moment. should have followed them home for good measure.

keep blowing my money on ubers bc im too tired to bike

was so sure I would be able to get up in the morning but can already feel my body shutting down and rejecting the idea of moving before noon

ready to just go see a movie and be a normal person already

wish I could just inject sleep and rest into my body with a syringe and keep going

ominous zoltar fortune from last summer fell out my wallet just now at the atm

i hate the concept of keep your enemies closer btw i hate fake calculated bullshit it's very bad karma and the most miserable people with the worst luck in life think this way. try keeping your friends close and being a normal person.

he was a sk8r boi but i introduce him as my girlfriend

being fake takes so much energy i feel like ppl overestimate how much i am willing to give. like being fake nice is exhausting i would literally never extend myself if i didn't mean it bc i'm already so fkn tired and i think ppl don't seem to realize it takes so much more effort to manipulate than to just be real and normal. if i don't want to do something i won't. appreciate things for what they are and recognize that your overly suspicious nature stems from your own tendency to put on some persona that is inauthentic to your true nature and there's something inside yourself that you don't like that you project onto others for one reason or another. i don't care enough about what anyone thinks to try and trick them.

everything is beautiful and nothing hurts (except my feet and my back and my neck and my dick, dog)

"you're getting along better with the younger people in your family" i think this refers to work family a lot of them are in their early twenties and i love them so much i find them endearing and relatable and i love to hear about their lives and understanding the world through their eyes

"you need to go to therapy for your nervosa" no shit sherlock therapy only lasts like a half hour there's barely time to delve into any of the horrors

was so sure I would go in this morning (despite defiantly saying I wouldn't) bc I normally wake up automatically at 5 or 6 without trying but today slept in til 9:30 and my body is like...girl no. my hot bartender-therapist (not coworker but girl at bj's) told me to listen to my body when I was overly tired the other night so I am considering her my professional advisor from now on and passing back out for the day. feel bad bc it's jazzfest wknd but I am no good to anyone rn and will only get in the way. maybe tmrw will be alive again for both shifts. having zero days off is r☆tRded nxt wk will be way less insane

waited on the sweetest couple tonight. they were so young and in love and sat together on the same side of the table and excitedly described how much they loved the potatoes to me with stars in their eyes and it wasn't about the potatoes it was about their shared experience of discovering pieces of a new city together and learning each other in the process. sometimes hope is found in the power of someone with all their defenses down so willing to see the world with curious eyes despite having seen so much evidence that would otherwise leave you forever jaded and untrusting. like sometimes that's really all it takes and all that will ever truly matter.

"to love is to allow yourself to be hurt by the other person but trusting them not to"

footage of me on my way to the doctor to get whatever medication is prescribed for the diagnosis of "needing to be held" and general sleepless nights

i ride for my people hard when i am on your team i will fight for you to the death this goes for like any facet of life friendship business love whatever so it's just like. either get on board or get the fuck out of my way. this is about a lot of things going on rn and a general pattern i notice throughout my life. the ppl i work with at this particular place are very nice and treat me very well and i'm very spoiled so i feel extra bad for being a bitch bc i ate three eggs at 9am and then took it out on someone (sustained only on altoids by 10pm) who was just trying to understand a missing piece to a logistics puzzle who is like very calm and patient and i am looking forward to not running on fumes in the future so i don't spend my three hours of alotted sleep time staying awake hoping i didn't cause too much additional stress for anyone. also it's very stupid how I expect everyone to be treated like a human with compassion and fairness except for me if I do anything flawed I am going to put myself in the punishment corner over it before anyone else can and lose my fucking mind over like. the most minute thing that ultimately has no longterm effect on anyone but god forbid i make an error. ugghfjfjf

left my fucking air on all day and a receipt disappeared during shift change and i casually chewed out my manager for daring to ask me a very normal question three seconds past the point of wanting to order my salad. i could smoke a full pack of american spirits with the filters pulled out right now but i won't bc i'm a good christian woman

dreamy eyed bartender taught me the proper way to zest citrus without slicing my fingers off. the intimacy will surely carry me through the busy weekend. i should get a life.

when no one is around love will always love you

all i rly need is a little nap a little popcorn 7 bars of chocolate and to be treated like the most valuable royalty that ever entered a room it's really not that difficult