oh yeah. it's all coming together.

only you and me

w/c: 6.7k

warnings: angst, mentions of weed, and some swearing

summary: whenever peter tries to tell you how he feels, harry gets in the way

a/n: ahhhh hi my loves! my mini writing break is over :,) life has been just a mess for me and i’ve been way more critical than usual about my work but i’m doing a little better and ready to get back into everything! this helped me a lot so i’m excited to share it with y’all <3 it’s also my first time writing harry osborn so lmk how i did lmaooofwfjj but yeah pls enjoy

-

“dude, she’s right there! just tell her!” ned whisper yells to peter, elbowing him for emphasis. they’re hidden behind a wall to watch you at your locker. you’re grabbing books while betty rants to you and mj rolls her eyes. “not now. she looks... busy,” peter gulps, gaze trailing down your body. he always finds excuses to put off telling you how he feels.

or rather, excuses find him. something comes up every time he gets the courage to do it. he has no idea why he’s so scared because he’s pretty sure you like him back. pretty sure. there are a few reasons why you might not. also, plenty why you might. you stay up late texting most nights, and you’ve even flirted a couple of times. it never fails to make peter blush. he trips over his words whenever he tries to flirt back.

he’s had feelings for you since the first time you two hung out alone. none of your other friends could make it, but you happily took him up on his offer to come over. you grinned through his whole apartment tour, asked about may and what she does. when peter showed you his room, you even complimented his movie posters, much to his surprise.

“really? you don’t think they’re, like, dorky?”

“no, peter. your interests aren’t dorky. everyone likes what they like.”

and, he liked you. he knew it from that point on. you’d know it too if the universe wouldn’t keep stopping him from saying that.

“she’s so...” peter pauses for a second. him and ned watch you pull betty in by her shoulders as if you’re going to kiss her. she dodges you, mj pushing her back, all three of you giggling about it before you grab betty’s hands and give her words of encouragement. “cool,” peter finishes, turning back to ned. “i mean, how she puts herself out there like that.”

“what’s stopping you from doing the same thing?” ned points out with a knowing smile that peter returns. you make it look so easy. whenever you’re comfortable around people, you can let go of any doubts you have. you stop worrying about what they might think and instead do what you want. it’s inspiring to peter, and heart warming getting to be one of the people you’re fully you with.

he wishes he could apply your wisdom himself.

peter shakes his head, staring down at the floor. “oh, you know. anxiety, fear of rejection. that fun stuff.” “so, yourself,” ned concludes, clapping peter’s backpack so hard it makes him stumble forward. betty and mj wave goodbye to you before heading to their first class. you’re still getting your things together at your locker. this is peter’s moment.

“come on, dude! y/n’s not busy anymore. you got this.” ned keeps his hand on peter’s back, adding on, “it’s been a year already.” “half a year,” peter corrects him in a mumble. he’s liked you for a really long time. “ok, i’m going. wish me luck.” he takes a deep breath and focuses in on you. “aw, dude. you don’t need it.” ned gives him one last pat on the back. “good luck, though.” “thanks, man. see you in trig.”

right as peter starts heading over, harry comes up behind you and covers your eyes. you squeal, jumping up and turning to him, laughing as you playfully hit at his chest. he brings you into a hug where your face is buried in his sweater and probably inhaling his super strong, super expensive cologne.

that’s what’s stopping peter, harry freaking osborn. his own friend.

peter quickly loses the tiny bit of confidence ned gave him. he figures it might be better to hold off on his confession and get an early start to class. unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. harry has already spotted him and calls him over.

“hey, pete! come give us some love, eh?” harry beams, an arm slung around your shoulders and you smiling up at him. you direct your smile to peter when he slumps his way to your locker. his lips pull into a barely noticeable frown. you notice. “there’s my guy. why so down, sunshine?” harry offers his fist for a fist bump. peter gives it to him, eyes staying on you.

harry osborn. where to begin with such a specimen? he’s the perfect combination of everything you’d want in a guy. he gets good grades, he’s a star player on on the basketball team, nice to everyone and makes you laugh, popular yet fits right into your small group.

he was friends with you before the popular thing. what kicked it off was him making varsity basketball while only being a sophomore. yep, he’s unreal. since then, he’s been balancing his cool life and also hanging with “the nerds,” as he likes to call you. he got his own feelings for you along the way. peter can tell.

he’ll give you rides home, compliment how you look, basically act like your boyfriend without really being it. it absolutely infuriates peter because he doesn’t compare to harry in the slightest. if he were you and had the choice between himself or harry, he would pick harry.

it’s been a factor in why he hasn’t come clean about how he feels yet. he’s not trying to create a love triangle that he doesn’t stand a chance surviving in.

“for real, peter. you good?” you ask him, eyebrows knitted together in concern. “fine,” peter lies and musters up a smile. “i’m just tired. didn’t sleep too good last night.” you’re only more concerned now. this has been happening to him a lot lately. you search for his eyes. “again?”

“aw, man. you need something for it?” harry punches peter’s shoulder and lowers his voice. “i know this kid who-“ “harry, stop.” your words are serious, tone lighthearted. you throw your head back on his arm. “do you really know a kid?” “i’m not telling you,” he says in an overly happy voice, you humming the same way. peter feels like he’s third wheeling.

“i was telling pete.” harry looks at him expectantly, peter’s mouth dropping open while he thinks of what to say. harry likes to mess around. this is a different level, though. “no thanks. i- i shouldn’t. i’m-“ “relax, i don’t know a kid,” harry chuckles and points at peter. “your face right now.” it’s completely flushed. you knock into harry’s side.

“ok, well literally no one laughed. you’re scaring him,” you tell harry sternly. peter tugs tight on one of his backpack straps. he doesn’t feel like he’s third wheeling you two now. he feels like your kid. he’ll never let ned mettle in his love life ever again if this is where it gets him. “he knows i’m kidding, y/n/n. right?” harry checks with peter. you make a face at him that says you aren’t convinced.

he switches his arm from you to peter, drawing him into his side. “look, pete. i’m sorry. the only kid i know who’s selling is chocolates for his band trip.” you’re satisfied with that, grinning at both of them. peter forces a laugh and nods. “no worries, man. i gotta get to class.” “good boy,” harry lets him go. “bye, pete. we’ll see you at lunch,” you remind him. he gives you a tight lipped smile. “see you, y/n/n.”

you and harry continue practically spooning each other as soon as peter is out of sight.

what the hell is going on?

peter is back to being grumpy, plopping down in his seat next to ned. their teacher has the lesson plan pulled up on the smart board. ned looks from it to peter, almost jumping in his seat. “oh, you’re back already? how’d it go?” “it didn’t go,” peter huffs, copying down the aim. he’s only doing it so he doesn’t have to look ned in the eyes while telling him he bailed. again.

“you didn’t do it?” ned repeats, peter writing something about pi and a unit circle in his notebook. he bites the inside of his cheek. “you have to do it at some point,” ned sighs out and picks up his pencil. even he’s getting tired of this, and ned never gets tired of a good friends to lovers moment. “i think she likes harry,” peter says under his breath. “huh?” ned gasps.

peter doesn’t feel like explaining the extremely awkward moment he just finished living. although, it wouldn’t hurt to get a second opinion. “y/n. he came over, and they kept hugging and whatever.” “they always do that,” ned almost scoffs, their trigonometry teacher moving to stand in front of the class. “yeah, but he had his arm around her the whole time we-“

the bell rings and cuts their conversation short. peter struggles to label the unit circle they learn about when his mind is filled to its capacity with images of you and harry all over each other. it’s not daydreaming. this is a nightmare. maybe, he actually will be having sleep problems.

peter’s morning is relatively decent after that. he gets to do an experiment with mj in chemistry, and she lets him take the lead for once. spanish is easy, health is okay, then he has a free period, then it’s lunch. things can only go downhill from here.

he thinks about hiding in the library until it’s over, but it’s the thought of harry eating your face that gets him to drag himself to the cafeteria.

flash is at the head of your table talking to harry when peter gets there. great, now he can’t eat his soggy chicken fingers in peace. “sounds dope. let’s go on the-“ flash stops saying what he was saying and nods at peter. “penis parker, you’re late.” peter takes his seat on your left, harry on your right. you glance over at him to make sure he’s okay. he acts like he doesn’t care, peeling open his milk carton.

“just text me later, man. get outta here,” harry dismisses flash, the two of them doing a bro handshake before he leaves. he’s well aware of his and peter’s history. he keeps them separate for the obvious reasons. peter appreciates it because saying no to flash is nearly impossible. he shouldn’t be so mad at harry, should he? he’s a good friend.

harry’s arm snakes around your waist and brings you closer to him. never mind.

“who’s up for sushi later?” he asks the table, everyone agreeing and saying how awesome that sounds. everyone except peter. you tap his shoulder with a small smile. “what about you, peter? you coming?” he realizes you’re all waiting for him to respond and puts down his milk. “uh, i can’t. homework,” he lamely answers.

“dude, we have homework, too. just do it a little later,” ned suggests, betty laying her head on his shoulder. you share a look with her, your eyes wide and a grin on your lips. that must have been what you were talking about this morning. she asked for boy advice. ned advice. why can’t this crap work out for peter?

“i really can’t. sorry, guys,” peter half heartedly apologizes.

he misses the disappointment that crosses your features because he’s pouting at his lunch again.

“homework, huh?” mj tests him, squinting as she takes a sip of apple juice. harry nudges peter’s side with two fingers. “you still mad about the sleeping thing?” “sleeping thing? what sleeping thing?” betty wonders while ned rests his head against hers. a quiet laugh slips out of you as you lean in to tell her.

“peter said he couldn’t sleep last night, so harry offered him...” you mime rolling a joint. “i said no,” peter clarifies, rolling his eyes at the inevitable teasing he’s about to get. none of you have even smoked besides harry. you’re being annoying about it. “of course you did,” mj sighs and kicks her feet up on the table. “unrelated to what y/n just said... harry, i have insomnia.”

everyone bursts into laughter at that, betty shoving her side and you pulling harry by his torso as he pretends to go into his backpack. peter wants nothing to do with any of this. he usually enjoys joking around with the group, even if it’s at his expense because it’s from a place of love.

today feels like you’re straight up making fun of him. harry might as well invite flash to join in.

“alright, alright, alright. enough of the weed talk,” harry decides, you removing your arms from him and grabbing your coffee. “you’re such a bad influence.” your voice drips with sarcasm. you bend the straw and take a sip while scooting closer to peter. “you really can’t come later? i feel like i’ve barely seen you today.” that’s on harry. “i wish i could, y/n/n,” peter exhales. “i’ll text you later, okay?”

you don’t get to answer because mj tugs on your arm, distracting you from peter. she explains how she has to do an art project on what it means to be a woman and needs help brainstorming ideas. you’re full of them, offering up an interesting perspective for her to use. peter smiles to himself as he listens in. you find a new way to impress him every day.

he should tell you that.

“hey, y/n?” “listen to her! you’re seriously my idol,” betty gushes, so loudly you don’t hear peter. not a single thing has gone in his favor at this table. he gives up.

peter locks himself in his room when he gets home from his overall terrible day. he does homework like he said he would, only taking a break for dinner, giving one word replies to may’s questions about school. he’d much rather be having sushi with you. he would’ve gone if the others didn’t.

after dinner, it’s back to grumbling and scribbling down answers. there’s a knock at peter’s door around ten o’clock, which he assumes is may saying goodnight. “i’ll be done in a few minutes, may! love you.” “it’s y/n,” you reply, the smile clear in your voice. his eyes go comically wide. that’s the last thing he expected to hear. “oh. uh, come in.”

you’re holding a small takeout bag, shutting the door behind you and walking over to his desk. you meet his twinkling eyes in the dim light that hits off his walls. from his open window, you faintly hear cars as they rush by and honk their horns in the distance, accompanied by a fresh breeze. it’s cozy, safe. it’s peter.

“hey. what’re you doing here?” peter questions, leaving his pencil in his binder and shutting it. you shake around the plastic bag. “i saved you a roll.” he bites back a smile, getting up from his chair. “may let me in. she was really chill about it,” you continue and hold out the sushi for him. “it’s a california roll. i wasn’t sure what you wanted, and everyone likes those.”

peter lets his smile spread out and takes the bag from you. “thanks, y/n/n. i was honestly hoping one of you would have leftovers.” you laugh softly, peter setting the bag down on his desk. he scratches the back of his neck. “did you guys have fun?” “yeah. i missed you, though.” you clasp your hands behind your back. “everyone did.”

“i feel bad i didn’t go. just... things felt off today,” peter admits the real reason he stayed home, you letting out a breath. “it was harry, wasn’t it? god, he was being so weird.” your arms drop back to your sides. “there’s a difference between playing around and actually upsetting people.” by people, you mean peter. no one else seemed too bothered by him. “i’m sorry, peter. i tried to make him stop.”

“no, you don’t have to apologize,” peter assures you sweetly, grabbing one of your hands. “it’s not your fault, okay? he probably didn’t realize what he was doing. the jokes landed.” he’s referring to ned, mj, and betty finding harry’s comments hilarious. you lace your fingers with peter’s and frown. “this isn’t like him. maybe he’s stressed about a game.” your gaze drifts off to the side, what you see getting you to perk up.

“is that new?” you ask peter, leading him by his hand over to a poster he put up recently. it’s for 13 going on 30. you showed it to him a couple of weeks ago, and he clearly liked it a lot. any movie that makes it to peter’s wall is a special one. “mhm. i got it literally right after you went home the night we watched,” he chuckles and looks over at you while you study the poster.

you turn to face peter again, keeping your hand tight in his. “were you gonna tell me something earlier? at lunch?” he’s confused for a second, then he remembers your ideas for mj’s art project. the fact that you cared enough to bring it up after all these hours makes his stomach do summersaults in the best way. he shrugs and gives you a smile.

“the stuff you were saying about femininity and how there are so many ways to define it,” peter starts, you grinning back at him, at how he took an interest in what you were saying. “you’re so smart, y/n. you make me wanna be better.” a light pink dusts his cheeks. “peter, you’re a feminist?” you coo, joking but genuinely wondering at the same time. he squeezes your hand. “duh.”

“i thought so,” you nod, taking in the rest of what he said. “you think i’m smart? i trust you because you’re way smarter.” peter pffts in response. “i’m only good at, like, physics. you’re good at things that really matter. smart in that way.” you’re feeling your own face get hot. you swing yours and peter’s hands back and forth. “why are you the nicest person ever?”

the answer to that, may, peeks her head into the room. “hey, kids. it’s getting late.” she notices your intertwined hands and shoots peter a smirk. “i thought you were a cool aunt,” he teases, you sadly letting go of him. “she is. thanks for having me over so late,” you tell may on your way to the door. “oh, stop it. you can come over any time.” she puts a hand on your arm. “thank you so much,” you murmur back.

you walk backwards to the doorway, may leaving you two to say your goodbyes. “wanna hang out only you and me? on friday maybe?” that should make up for everything earlier. “yeah, of course. friday is perfect,” peter agrees and bounces on his feet as excitement takes over him. “thanks again for the sushi.”

“no problem. goodnight.” it’s taking every last bit of power in you to not freak out. “night. text me when you get home.” he presses his tongue into his cheek. you slowly pull the door shut. “ok, i will. bye!” it closes, leaving peter skipping across his room to his bed on one side and you doing a little happy dance on the other.

the next day at school, everything is back to normal. honestly, better than normal. your hangout with peter is tomorrow, and he’s planning on telling he likes you then. he already talked it over with ned. he’s relieved it’s finally happening, especially since him and betty have their own thing. she’ll be taking up most of his free time from here.

your group is spending lunch outside today, lounging across a picnic table, surrounded by trees and the shining sun in a bright blue sky. mj sits on the table and has her feet on the bench, which would usually bug peter to no end. he doesn’t mind this time because it takes up enough room that harry has to sit with ned and betty instead of you. you lean into peter’s side and stab a piece of lettuce from your salad.

“it’s so nice out,” betty sighs, ripping off half her cookie and giving it to ned. “we should ditch.” “oh my god, you sound like harry,” you groan between bites of salad. peter lets out a breathy laugh, you looping your arm through his. he grins down at where you’re linked. harry crosses his own arms over his chest. “she wishes.” betty only nods because her mouth is full of m&m’s.

“nah, seriously. i’d take us out somewhere, but i have practice after school.” he speaks quieter than he normally does, less confident. your theory about him having basketball drama was right. “what did we tell you? talk about the sports shit with your sports friends,” mj complains, sitting back on her hands. she glances at harry over her shoulder and catches ned mouthing you can’t say that.

sitting criss cross, she spins around to face harry, unenthusiastically saying, “what i meant was, you sound upset. what’s wrong?” harry gets into it right away, like he’s been waiting for someone to ask. “coach says there might be a scout at the next game. it’s a really good opportunity even though i don’t have to worry about... college yet.” the word makes him cringe.

“oh, damn. that’s a big deal. scary,” mj snorts, turning back to you and peter. her behavior makes ned internally face palm. “that’s awesome, dude. you’re gonna play amazing like always.” he gives harry a high five, who smiles nervously in response. he’s never nervous. “thanks, bro. you guys wanna come and watch?” he’s never invited you to one of his games before either.

this isn’t a group of friends that likes to spend their weekends in bleachers while angry teens shout around them.

“definitely. we’ll be there to support you, harry,” betty answers for everyone, ned pecking her cheek in satisfaction. mj cusses to herself before replying. “if i absolutely must, sure.” only you and peter haven’t said anything yet. he’s been chewing his lower lip, and you your salad. harry looks between you two hopefully. it’s more so at you, which peter doesn’t like.

“y/n? pete? it would help a lot, i’m serious.” he taps his fingers on the table until one of you speaks up. you’re the one who does. “i’ll go. this is pretty huge, right? congrats.” you reach across the table and squeeze his shoulder while simultaneously tightening your arm around peter’s. he takes that as a cue. “i’ll go, too. happy for you, man.”

though peter isn’t currently in the best place with harry, he should show his support by showing up. it can’t be too bad since the rest of you will be there.

a loud, long chuckle leaves harry as he hops up from his bench and comes to yours and peter’s. he bends over and wraps both of you in a hug from behind at the same time. his arms are around each of your shoulders, holding you so close his cheeks are squished against either of your heads. you giggle at that, peter finding himself laughing along and reaching back to ruffle harry’s hair.

staying mad at him is one of the world’s greatest challenges.

“you’re saints, both of you. my angels.” he kisses the back of your head, then lays one right on peter’s cheek, leaving him blushing red and grinning. “what about the rest of us? i never go to shit like this,” mj huffs and seems genuinely offended. harry wiggles his eyebrows. “you want a kiss?” his offer gets her flustered, which she can’t manage to hide. that’s a first.

“shut up. i’m just saying... never mind.” mj glares at you and peter, ned and betty making kissing noises behind her. “someone change the subject.” peter steps in. “when’s the game, harry?” he asks, harry snapping and waving his finger. “tomorrow! cancel your plans, kiddos.” “like we had any,” betty retorts.

some of you did. that was going to be peter’s hangout with you.

ned smiles sympathetically at peter before betty is getting his attention. you‘re unfazed and rambling to harry how proud you are of him.

did last night mean nothing? was it an empty gesture? were you only doing it out of guilt? peter must have read your visit wrong. he’s been wrong the whole time he’s liked you. you don’t like him back, you pity him. harry is who you’re really interested in.

may always says he should trust his instincts.

peter pulls his arm from yours suddenly, swinging his backpack onto his shoulders. you’re taken back because it’s so out of no where. you stop talking to harry so you can figure out his deal. “where are you going?” “bell’s gonna ring,” peter mumbles and picks up his lunch tray. he heads to the garbage can without another word or goodbye to anyone.

“i’m gonna go check on him,” you tell harry, already getting up from the bench. “you do that,” he acknowledges and calls mj’s name again.

peter tosses his mostly untouched food in the trash, seeing you make your way over from the corner of his eye. he tries to speed walk inside so he doesn’t have to talk to you. you’re too quick, cornering him between the door and brick wall.

“we still have ten minutes,” you state, worry flashing across your face. he’s avoiding you. well, attempting to. “what’s wrong?” peter gulps before saying anything. “my next class is on the other side of the-“ “no,” you cut him off. “what’s really wrong?”

he doesn’t feel like having this discussion. it’s bad enough he came to the realization his feelings are one sided. must he break that down for you so soon?

you toy with your sleeve while you speak because peter doesn’t. “i thought you and harry were fine again. i mean, he kissed you.” peter clenches his jaw so hard he can imagine the sound of it cracking. “it’s not about harry.” “what, then? what the fuck happened?” your sleeves are now balled in your fists. you hate it when peter does this angsty routine.

he keeps his voice low and calm so he doesn’t come off as jealous or hurt. he’s both of those things. “the game is tomorrow. friday. when we were supposed to hang out.” you meet peter’s eyes with nothing but remorse in yours. “i... i forgot,” is all you have to say.

you feel awful. he’s had a tough couple of days, and you fell through on your promise to cheer him up.

“clearly,” peter remarks, voice sharp. the way you’re looking at him makes him think he won’t like what’s coming. “peter, we have to go,” you almost whine. “i’m really sorry, i am, but this is a big night for harry. he needs us there.” peter stays silent. you’re twisting the knife deeper into him with every word. “i wouldn’t be cancelling if this wasn’t important.”

now you’re cancelling?

you reach for peter’s hand, but he shoves it into his pocket. that stings for you and him. “please, peter. we’ll hang out at the game, i swear.” this is the last chance you’ve got, so you pile it on. “harry won’t even be there, technically. he’ll... he’ll be on the court.” peter hadn’t thought about that. he lets himself unclench, starting to see the appeal. you add one more thing to lighten the mood and persuade him.

“i’ll buy you popcorn, all you can eat.” it’s that easy. cracking a smile, peter accepts. he’ll deal with his unresolved, unreciprocated feelings after he stuffs his face, courtesy of you. “you better. i’m gonna need it for this long ass game.” your face lights up, grabbing his wrist in both hands.

“so, you’ll come?” “i’ll be there,” he confirms. you throw your arms around his neck. he laughs into the hug and holds you by your middle. “i promise this’ll be the first and last game we ever go to,” you say and mean it. harry is lucky you’re even suffering through this a first time. “thank god,” peter exhales, resting his chin on your head.

that interaction leaves peter confused as hell. you’re crushing his mind and soul one minute, then hugging him the next. you were making him feel so special lasts night, and treating harry the same way today. it’s so jumbled that he isn’t sure if he’s in the friend zone or something more zone.

there are a ton of mixed signals coming his way, and he sucks at reading people as is.

he can’t take another second of this. he’d rather you come out and say you like harry already because it’s torture. knowing you don’t want him in that way would at least eliminate the possibility of anything happening between you two, and allow him to stop driving himself insane.

he’d be able to stop taking it out on harry, too.

the hold you have on peter, that you’re oblivious to, rules his every thought and decision. he’s constantly analyzing what you say to him, debating whether or not your affection is simply platonic. it’s been half a year of this madness, the night of harry’s game blurring every line so much more.

your group arrives a bit early to find seats and hype harry up before he plays. peter gets there after all of you because he’s not exactly in a rush to watch sweaty guys be aggressive. there’s only one upside, which is spending the night with you... and everyone else.

he steps into the gym that’s filling up fast with family members, friends, and the college scout harry was talking about. midtown has a different feeling to it at night. the smell of pencils is oddly stronger, and it’s a lot less intimidating.

cheerleaders are huddled in a circle while the team supervisor has them run their chants. the “leading official,” who peter thought was called a referee, takes his place off to the side. coaches give their players last minute instructions, players fool around with each other, a lot is going on.

peter scans the room for you, and grins a toothy grin when you catch his eyes. you’re sitting by yourself in one of the middle bleachers, only a bag of skinny pop in your lap. you return the smile once you spot him and wave him over.

“i don’t know why, but i thought they’d have an actual concession stand,” you explain the lack of fresh, buttery popcorn as peter takes a seat next to you. he catches the prepackaged bag you toss him. “it’s just a snack table.” “works either way,” peter hums and pokes the bag. “i’m not sure skinny pop is all i can eat, though.” “it’s good!” you defend the snack you chose for him.

“i’m kidding! you’re right, it’s kind of addicting.” he puts it by his feet for now and gives you a half smile. “you’re welcome,” you deadpan in a playful tone. “thanks.” he narrows his eyes. “where’s everyone else?” “right,” you twist around and gesture to the bleacher above you. mj is gloomily seated near the back. ned and betty are a few behind you.

“i told them to find their own seats so we can sit together, alone.” you look over at peter and move ever so slightly closer. “welcome to our friday hangout. just the two of us.” “aw, you didn’t have to do that,” peter laughs out, his knee bumping yours. “but, i’m happy you did.” he goes to put an arm around you, then harry comes racing up the stairs.

just the two of you didn’t last so long.

“y/n, i’m freaking out,” harry announces, zooming through your row to get over to you. he stops once he’s standing in front of peter and shakes him by his shoulder. “hey, pete. you made it.” “yup,” peter replies, pressing his lips together. you wince at his reaction, then quirk an eyebrow at harry. “you’re freaking out? why?”

harry sits down between you and peter, blissfully unaware of the moment he interrupted.

“i found the scout. he’s fucking terrifying as fuck. this super ripped guy, looks like he’d rather be anywhere else,” he talks quietly, like the man will hear him. “he’s not the only one,” peter says to himself, kicking around his bag of popcorn to pass time. you ignore him and grimace.

“shit. wait, how do you know it’s him? did they tell you?” you’re not sure how these things go. harry casually shrugs a shoulder. “dude has a clipboard. seems legit to me.” he gives you a cocky smile. “he’s also in the row before mj. that’s how i noticed. um...” his back now facing peter, he whispers something in your ear that makes you giggle.

peter’s face scrunches up as the spark of anger the past few days have lit reignites itself.

when harry pulls away, you motion for him to come closer with your index finger, cupping your hand around his ear and speaking into it.

nope, no more. peter is entirely about to explode. you cancelled your plans so you can force him to watch basketball, you sweet talk him so he’ll let it go, and you’re running right back to harry after all of that? what the hell does that mean?

peter stands up from his seat. “y/n, we need to talk,” he demands, you moving away from harry to respond. “ok, gimme a minute. we’re-“ “no, we need to talk now.” you don’t have time to refute because he’s taking your arm and dragging you away. harry squints at you in utter confusion.

“um, have a good game! we’ll talk later,” you call back to him, walking with peter even though you have no idea what his issue is and aren’t a fan of how he’s acting.

he releases you once you’re in the hallway. you make a point of harshly yanking your arm back, a scowl painting your lips. “jesus, peter. i was having a conversation.” “do you like harry?” peter blurts out. you’re so shocked at his abruptness that you don’t give him much to work with, only, “what?” “do you like harry?” he asks you again, this time less accusing and more curious.

“do i like...” you’re too aware of the seemingly hundreds of people surrounding you to answer comfortably. “can we talk about this somewhere else?” “sure,” peter nods, letting you lead the way since he did to get out here. you two go down the hall and choose the first room you see, which happens to be the custodian’s closet. it’s thankfully unlocked.

things were tense between you and peter on the way over, and it’s physically mirrored when you step into the room, air thick and smelling of lemon cleaning supplies. you tug on the string hanging down to turn on the light. it casts a faded glow, leaving you in mostly darkness. you sort of like it. this feels more intimate, which is fitting for what you’re both about to say.

neither one of you knows where to begin. peter’s question is ringing in the back of your mind, and you could touch on that, but there’s more to it than a simple yes or no. you don’t have to worry about it because peter gets his words out first.

“i think harry likes you, and i think you like him back,” peter restarts, already sounding deflated by what he came up with. “he doesn’t, and i don’t.” you take a step towards him. “he likes mj.” it’s peter’s turn to be shocked. the hint of a smile sets on your lips. “that’s what we were talking about. harry asked if he should take her to dinner after the game, and i said yes.”

this is going better than he expected.

“mj is the one who likes him, not me,” you reiterate and watch some life enter peter again, a tiny bit. he’s coming around, and he wants to believe you. his trust issues don’t. “but, you’re so... touchy with each other. the hugging the other day?” he mentions. you tilt your head to the side in amusement. “friends can’t hug?”

to be fair, you hugged peter yesterday. that’s a point rightfully shut down.

“he calls you pretty,” peter tries, raising both eyebrows. you have to laugh at this one. “you call may pretty.”

obviously, peter’s analysis skills could use some serious improvements. it sounds like he had the right idea, wrong person. your relationship with harry is platonic. hell, he’s crushing on a whole different person. this actually opens up the possibility of you liking peter in the romantic way, of him being in the something more zone. he had it backwards.

in case peter isn’t convinced yet, and because you really want to, you use one more trick to prove to him you don’t like harry.

“do me and harry do this?” your lips speak for you, colliding with peter’s unexpectedly yet easily. he feels like he’s floating, like he’s in some sort of magical wonderland until it hits him that this is real, and he should probably kiss you back. he does so softly and tangles his fingers in your locks. his hand supports the back of your head as the kiss goes on.

you push forward so your bodies are almost fused together, the closest you can be while you hold his jaw. peter breaks the kiss for a short breather, going back in without more than a moment passing. this one is feverish, his free arm looping around your lower back, hand resting on the small of it. you let out a giggle against his swollen lips and stroke your thumb over his jawline.

he’s been waiting to do this for the longest time, but he doesn’t have to tell you that. it shows in how eager he was to reciprocate, his shyness blossoming into passion. you feel yourself melting under his touch, the kiss eventually becoming a series of short pecks. peter gives you the final one. his pink lips form a grin when you pull apart. your hands stay on each other, not in a rush to go anywhere.

“woah, i like you so much,” peter laughs out. the words roll off his tongue naturally. “you know i like you,” you drawl, smiling at him, a full body smile while you caress his skin. he winds both arms around you and dips his head down to steal another kiss. you’re loving what’s happening. however, you don’t feel like making out while dirty brooms stare at you. you should take this back home.

“wanna get out of here? i do,” you suggest, voice muffled from his lips. they detach from yours and brush your cheek gently. peter makes a funny face. “hm, i thought we had to come. harry needs us,” he says what you did yesterday, earning a groan back. “you’re joking.” “i’m not. what kind of friends would we be, ditching him like that?”

he’s going to end you one day.

“yeah, no. i have no idea how basketball works, and i’d like to keep it that way,” peter drops the act, pressing his fingers into your sides. “i’ve been so mean to harry. i was...” “a dick?” you finish for him. it’s more of a statement than a question. to soften the blow, you rub his cheek with the tips of your fingers. “yup. he’s gonna think i hate him or something if we don’t stay.” his formerly smiley face is frowning.

“harry of all people will understand after we tell him our reasons,” you reassure him, nudging under his chin with your nose. “besides, he has other things to worry about. mj, the scout. it’s fine.” peter considers it, ultimately giving in to you like he always does, resting his forehead on yours. “i guess so. less distractions for him, yeah.” “exactly. that’s what i wanna hear.”

having his approval, you unwind yourself from him and head to the door. his fingers wrap around your wrist gently. “what about my popcorn?” a giggle escapes your lips. “you’re still on that?” “you said all i can eat!” his voice comes out high pitched, adorably high pitched.

“fine. i might have those bags you put in the microwave.” you smile when his fingers lock with yours, peter kissing the side of your head.

“even better. let’s go home.”

Honesty

Hi, again. Here is more content for all you lovely people because you deserve it and also because I need my distractions. Unless, of course, my downward spiral into mental unhealthiness is making my writing and quality complete strangers. Let me know if that’s the case and I’ll stop.

Anyways, here’s a one-shot that’s kind of long. Pre-calamity fluff is always fluffy until I remember that Link loses his memories and then it’s sad. I make everything sad, don’t I?

Zelda’s fingers were interlaced where she sat at her vanity, watching as her thumb brushed up and down the opposite finger. She tried to focus on the small tickle it produced, not the unsettling feeling in her chest, her flighty and unrestrained heart, her thoughts and feelings she couldn’t get a hold of.

“Your Highness,” Urbosa said with a few casual knocks on the open door. Zelda looked up as she came in. “You requested me.”

“Yes, yes,” Zelda said, turning in her chair. “I...need some advice.”

Urbosa’s eyebrows twinged upwards in surprise.

“It must be important,” Urbosa said. “Your father’s banquet starts soon.”

“This won’t take long,” Zelda insisted. “I…”

She exhaled a shaky sigh.

“I have a friend,” Zelda said. “She likes someone, but...she doesn’t know what to do. He’s below her station by quite the amount and although she doesn’t care...she knows everyone else will.”

Urbosa smiled warmly and knowingly.

“Sounds like your friend is in quite the situation,” Urbosa said.

Zelda forced a small smile.

Urbosa sat down in a nearby chair.

“Do you know how courting works in Gerudo culture?” Urbosa asked.

Zelda nodded.

“Once a Gerudo comes of age, she leaves the town in hopes of finding love,” Zelda started. “She explores Hyrule, gets to know herself, and finds someone who matches her.”

“When she finds that person,” Urbosa added, “someone she likes. She doesn’t delay anything. We as Gerudo are accustomed to be very outright with our feelings. A Gerudo interested in someone, whether they are male or female, comes right out and tells them.”

“Seems rather direct,” Zelda said.

“Gets the job done,” Urbosa said. “And it’s what I recommend to your...friend.”

Zelda peered at Urbosa’s expression. She knew. She absolutely and completely knew.

“Is it that easy to tell?” Zelda asked.

“You are blushing profusely, Your Highness,” Urbosa said with that hearty Gerudo laugh. “Come on, who is it?”

Zelda hesitated before her head bowed.

“The knight,” she said quietly, “the one with the sword that seals the darkness...Link.”

She wished she could dampen the way her heart swelled at the utterance of his name, the heat in her cheeks.

Zelda looked up to Urbosa to see her reaction, and she was smiling from ear to ear.

“You have a crush on your knight attendant?” She asked rhetorically. “That’s adorable.”

“I can’t stop thinking about him,” Zelda explained. “And I don’t want to stop, but I must have to. He is far from acceptable as a member of the court. My father would never approve.”

“You don’t know that,” Urbosa said.

“And with this whole calamity thing...I already can’t access my sealing power. He calls my studies frivolous, but an affair with my knight attendant really would be frivolous. Link has his own duties as well, not to mention the public already has marked me as a failure. I can’t add anything to their arguments.”

Urbosa nodded along.

“But…” Zelda continued. “Sometimes...sometimes when I see him...his blue eyes, his smile...sometimes all I want to do is forget everything and just sink my lips into his.”

“You and half of Hyrule,” Urbosa jived, a small mumble.

“Urbosa…” Zelda said despite the joke. “I don’t know what to do.”

Urbosa took a pause with pursed lips.

“You already know what I suggest,” she said. “Be upfront. Maybe after Calamity Ganon appears and is defeated, Link’s commendation will be enough to officially court you.”

Zelda looked down at her hands. Her hands that lacked the sealing power of the goddesses, her hands that were necessary to defeat Calamity Ganon. Until then, the prudent option would be for her to bury her feelings and focus solely on the power.

“Good call, though, little bird,” Urbosa said, Zelda tilting her head back up. “You two would make an adorable couple.”

Zelda inhaled to tell her to stop, knowing her heart could only take so much, but she was interrupted.

“Reporting for duty, Your Highness,” they heard outside. Urbosa stifled a laugh at how much Zelda blushed, the panic in her expression like a doe that had spotted its hunter.

“She’s decent,” Urbosa replied, completely amused by the way Zelda composed herself, standing up, smoothing out her dress, brushing away strands of hair that escaped from her updo.

Link, in contrast, was the complete opposite as he entered the room, the very picture of a royal guard. Not only was he in the uniform, but he was standing straight as a log, expressionless and waiting to be an escort to the banquet and nothing more.

At first it really was nothing more, the King worried of Yiga assassination so much that Zelda walking from her quarters to the dining hall was a worrisome affair. It was only after Zelda reminded the King that Link was a champion along with Mipha, Daruk, Revali, and Urbosa that Link was invited to the banquet. It also helped that Zelda acted like she was worried about assissination at the banquet as well, telling her father that it couldn’t hurt to have Link around and reminding him of the incident with the pot lid. Her father praised her wisdom but behind all the farce, she just wanted to spend time with Link.

“Hi,” she said with a nervous chuckle.

“Hello, Your Highness, Lady Urbosa”

His greeting was much more formal.

“Don’t worry, Link,” Urbosa said as she stood up. “You won’t have to escort me tonight. The Yiga know to stay away by now or else their numbers would decrease exponentially.”

She stopped before the exit.

“I do have a question for you though,” she said, Link turning his head.

“If someone had a crush on you,” Urbosa asked, Zelda’s eyes widening. “What would you want them to do?”

Link scratched the back of his head.

“Uhm.”

“Thank you, Urbosa,” Zelda said as she pushed her out the door. “I’ll see you at the banquet.”

Zelda returned to Link, averting her glance as she walked to meet him.

“What was that about?” He asked.

“Nothing,” Zelda replied.

She imagined telling him, him smiling or laughing with that chuckle, or hugging her, or kissing her. But he may very well show no reaction, his lips straight and unmoving, his expression warping to express confusion or, worse, disdain or disgust.

But for now he offered his arm with a small smile, something she wagered was the only thing that could pull her out of her flustered state. She remembered them talking at length at how he no longer shows his emotions outwardly. Zelda questioned why that was starting to change when it was just them alone before she realized she was staring into his eyes.

She latched her arm into his, them taking a stroll along the hallway as she looked anywhere else but at him. It proved pointless though, a blush adorning her cheeks at the mere thought of whose arm was linked with hers, his eyes, his smile, the way his blonde hair was messy under the cap, the thought of running her fingers through it…

Goddesses have mercy on her heart. Someday it may swell right out of her chest.

“It is customary for me to offer my compliments on your appearance,” Link said. “Escorting royalty to formal gatherings is an honor paid with those compliments. They told me so yesterday, briefing me on all sorts of things to say like ‘I hold envy towards the man who steals your heart’ or ‘No creature but you could take my breath in such a manner’.”

“Those sound familiar,” Zelda stated.

“And a bit outdated, don’t you think?”

Zelda laughed.

“You’re telling me,” she said. “Did they tell you about ‘In just one glance I know the meaning of lust’?”

“Yikes,” Link said with a similar laugh. “They must have left that one out.”

“The entire practice is outdated,” she said. “The whole thing is a precursor to courting. Most of my escorts are esteemed knights that are later suitors. It doesn’t seem so bad but when I have men twice my age doting upon me...it unsettles me to the core.”

“Also, like,” Link started. “Why is it only your appearance that matters? Why not your character or your intelligence?”

“Exactly!” She said excitedly. “Goddesses, I’m so glad you agree.”

“I’m just glad you finally got someone who isn’t going to say that stuff,” Link said. “And I’ll beat up anyone who has in the past. I’m serious, give me names and provinces.”

Zelda laughed again. It was so easy with him.

“That’s not necessary, Link,” she said. “But I appreciate the offer.”

The conversation lagged as they continued along the hallway.

“I hope you don’t mind that I give my own version,” Link said. “That you are gorgeous, inside and out.”

Zelda smiled. It wasn’t rehearsed. They were his words. He didn’t have to say them.

“No, I don’t mind,” she said.

They stopped, facing the large doors that would lead to the dining hall.

Zelda could already hear the bustle of straggling conversations, the clatter of plates and silverware, the shuffle of maids and kitchen staff as they prepared for the banquet to follow. Just one push, one crack of the towering doors and their time would become everyone else’s.

“When we go through these doors,” Zelda said quietly. “You’re going to go silent and stoic again, aren’t you?”

“I told you it’s my default,” Link replied.

Zelda shook her head, looking to him.

“Not always,” she argued. “With me it...it’s like you come alive.”

“You understand the pressure I’m under,” Link said, turning his head as well and Zelda praying to any goddess that her impulsiveness remains curbed. “It’s easy to just talk to you. When I’m with you...I feel like maybe everything is going to be okay. I feel my stoicism fading quickly when I’m around you, even though I know it should increase, you being royalty. Perhaps I should apologize.”

“No, no,” she implored. “Please don’t apologize. Your candidacy makes me so happy. I like you a lot when you become yourself.”

Link tipped his head with a smile.

“Really?”

“Well, yes,” she said. “All those emotions and thoughts you hide, of course you’re not yourself when you hide them. After all, haven’t we established that it’s what is on the inside that really counts?”

Link looked to the doors, Zelda tracking the movement with her eyes.

“Not to them,” Link stated. “You know the stories better than I, of all the heroes before...their unflinching bravery and how because of that, they overcame so much. I must be that image, for the public, for the King, for the champions, for me. Hyrule can’t afford for me to be anything else, especially now.”

“How do you do it?” Zelda asked. “Restrain your actions that act on empathy? Hide the deepest parts of you and show nothing? I used to think you were void of emotions, thoughts and feelings you had to have but simply didn’t. You convinced me so well that my frustration overcame me. How...how did you do it so well?”

“You wish to emulate it,” he stated. His voice was sharp and dark.

Before Zelda could voice her affirmation Link voiced a,

“Don’t.”

Zelda didn’t know what to say before they heard her father’s voice shout something from the inside. Authoritative, the muffled exclamation surely signaled the start of the banquet.

In silence, the Princess and her escort pushed upon the doors, pulling the eyes of all in attendance. Murmured conversations ensued as the guests took their chairs. Link tried not to listen and so did Zelda, the knight guiding her to a pair of empty chairs close to the head of the table.

Zelda was closest to her father, who was the head, with Link next to his charge. Link knew the champions were on his other side, but paid them no mind. The only thought that occurred to him was that he was glad to see smooth red skin closest to him instead of prickly blue feathers.

“You shine too bright,” Link said, whispering in Zelda’s ear. The volume and closeness made her blush. She listened intently, but watched her father, ensuring he didn’t see the overwhelming evidence of her infatuation. “To dim yourself would be a sin. Silence is a lonely and dangerous road to take. As your knight attendant, I must protect you from it.”

“So you value honesty, then?”

“I’m unaccustomed to the practice myself,” he said. “But I appreciate yours, how you go on about this or that. It’s an enthusiasm that fascinates me. If this burden stopped you from the happiness you find in that, I would be very sad for you.”

Zelda smirked, anticipating words in her head of teasing her knight attendant for that comment.

“Greetings, all!” the King boomed, Zelda’s focus going from Link’s stoic profile to her standing father. “We celebrate another year of prosperity in our kingdom. We are stronger than ever and with my daughter on the cusp of a great breakthrough, the goddess Hylia will strengthen us further.”

His words were laced with a commanding tone, a subtle reprimand and demand of Zelda that only Link seemed to catch. The King shot Zelda a distinct glare of discipline, to which Zelda bowed her head and Link furrowed his brow.

If it weren’t against his sworn duty, Link would have protected Zelda from her father.

“Tonight,” the King continued as Link took Zelda’s hand under the table. From the point of view of any of the other guests, Link and Zelda showed no change, even as their grip tightened. “We welcome you all to celebrate Hyrule together. Enjoy!”

“I’m sorry I can’t protect you from him,” Link said as the food was served. “His words.”

“No one can,” Zelda said. She didn’t look at Link, but her voice was hushed and her focus was on the food. Link similarly reacted, or rather, lacked reaction, his hands going through the same motions of handing to the next person a plate of food. Any more obvious conversation and hushed whispers into each other’s ears and they knew onlookers and gossip-mongers would cry affair.

“I want to,” explained Link. “But it’s hard for me to be honest about some things, given the situation. Not honesty in the strictest sense of the word, but...it’s more a problem with speaking openly and frankly than actually flat-out lying. As much as I want to, I can’t defy the King. Hylia knows what will happen to my commission and I doubt he’ll let me protect you anymore. I’m sure you understand.”

“I do,” Zelda said. “You have a duty, like me. Speaking where it isn’t our place is something else we can’t afford. We must focus on defeating the calamity first. Nothing else matters.”

Link took her hand again, the connection hidden under the wood of the table, away from the eyes of those who look to scorn.

They spoke no more words to each other that night. Their hands stayed connected until the sweat made Link withdraw, not wanting to disgust his charge when in reality Zelda missed his touch.

Link exchanged a conversation with Mipha and one with the King where his voice wavered a bit, but otherwise he was a man of few words. He was praised for his heroism and resisted speaking once again at the King’s comment that Link specifically has done everything he can to fulfill his destiny. King Rhoam went on to hope with a fervent heart that the calamity will be defeated. Link always knew he intended well with his words but that didn’t mean they stung Zelda any less.

But as far as formal gatherings went, there was only really one good thing about them. The attire was thick and scratchy, always a size too big. The eyes were numerous and weighed heavily on them. The way he felt closed off, the silence he was accustomed to made him feel trapped. Every time he opened his mouth, he felt as if he would be better off closing it, that the wrong words would escape it.

So Link was glad when the one good thing about these kinds of gatherings fell asleep on his shoulder.

He looked down and smiled at the way she breathed, cooed with a peaceful sleep. It was more than an excuse to get him out of there. It was something that warmed his heart.

The King acknowledged that it was getting late and told him to take her to her chambers. Link nodded and gently picked her up so that her bent knees drooped over one of his arms, the other supporting her back.

With a soft concern he handed her over to her waiting handmaidens and the door to her chamber was closed before him.

Something rose within him, something hot and cold and good and bad. He stood, staring at the intricately carved doors as he realized, for better or worse.

He was in love with her.

pjo/hoo characters as among us colors + how they play (a definitive list):

percy is dark green, obv bc of the sea etc. the superior color, 10/10 not just because it’s my go-to lmao. i feel like dark greens a pretty neutral color but slightly better at imposter than crewmate, but gets shit done pretty well either way. goes for dark blue or cyan if he can’t get green, and matches cowboy hats with annabeth but might wear the cheese hat when playing alone.

annabeth is white. just her aesthetic, and closest to grey for wisdom, athena, etc. she’s definitely binged game theory videos and will win as imposter or crewmate every time, but has the best imposter strats and will not hesistate to kill/frame you. same vibes as that guy on tiktok who’s an absolute god at among us, dream energy for y’all who are on minecraft yt. facilitates discussion and is crazy convincing either way. goes for black or blue if she can’t get white, twins with percy on the cowboy hats. percabeth is defo EXTREMELY competitive w each other and fucking terrifying when they’re an imposter duo.

grover is lime, if nothing else for the nature aspect, but i also think lime green + dark green make a good team, ie percy and grover’s friendship that rick still hasn’t acknowledged but iTS FINE he’s definitely a hell of a lot better at crewmate than imposter, and prob genuinely feels bad for killing folks. has the sprout hat (or the goat horns as a joke) and plays as yellow orange etc as fruits if he can’t get lime.

hazel goes for yellow bc i feel like yellow is almost never imposter and just kinda vibes in the background, not super active in discussion but can kill a bitch if necessary. bad bitch vibes, probably goes for purple or cyan if she can’t have yellow. DEFINITELY has a witch hat for #jokes and you CANNOT tell me that she, annabeth and piper (+ percy on occassion) haven’t recreated the tiktoks where the witches chaotically run in circles around dead bodies. immaculate vibes all around.

jason’s cyan because i fucking hate cyan and his eyes + the sky or whatever. noob energy even though he’s played a lot but he’s got the spirit. better as crewmate than imposter but not amazing at either (sorry to come for you like that my guy), and he probably goes for blue or yellow if he can’t get cyan. does not wear a hat, or goes for the toilet paper to match w piper’s plunger (see below).

piper’s blue or pink (sarcastically ofc), i can’t really articulate it but those are just the vibes. she’s decent at both imposter and crewmate but has a knack for imposter, esp when teamed with percy, leo or annabeth. wears the toilet plunger hat and goes for black blue or pink.

frank is red bc red is always imposter but shit at being imposter, and i feel like he wouldn’t know how to play all that well and just do it for fun w his buddies. red can usually be pretty aggressive in chat but we’re gonna ignore that bc my king would NEVER. idk why but he probably has either the chef hat or toilet paper, and goes for brown or dark green if he can’t get red. also probably gets killed first or voted out first, but we still have to stan x

ok i hate to be basic or whatever but nico’s always black. he doesn’t get it, he dips from the lobby and joins another. good at imposter and pretty good as crewmate, can usually find liars. i also feel like he’d be a lil trigger happy w the vents but never gets caught bc he’s experienced in shadow travel lmao. definitely has the same energy as those plague masks so that’s for sure his hat.

reyna’s purple bc she’s hella roman, absolutely fucking terrifying as imposter, esp when teamed w annabeth or jason, and usually facilitates discussion in chat. wears the knight helmet as a hat, and goes for black if she can’t get purp.

leo’s orange bc ✨fire✨ and he probably wears the scream mask. absolute fucking chaos as the imposter, and acts sus for no reason as crewmate. ok at both, may be slightly better as impos. goes for red or brown if he can’t get orange, name is prob festus or some shit lmao.

anywho these are the colors they’d use, i will not be taking criticism at this time. for all you connabeth shippers, conner and percy would 10/10 fight over dark green to impress annabeth, and yeah❤️ hope y’all enjoyed

Ooo if you’re still doing the character ask how about L, Light Yagami, and Misa from Death Note :o

OH HELL YEAH. answers are under a read more bc it got LONG

Light Yagami

do I like them:

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no*

*he IS well-written, and I love him as a character. I just also really, really hate him

5 good qualities:

 potato chip

he’s actually very smart even if he doesn’t know how to apply that intellect literally at all (high intelligence low wisdom king)

he plays mario golf with ryuk which is very cute

doesn’t know how to act straight even when he thinks he’s acting straight. I respect that

he lives for the Drama of everything he does. very dedicated to the aesthetic of having a Rival and Enemy

3 bad qualities:

extremely manipulative, and he treats the women he dates like shit. actually, he just doesn’t treat women very well in general (sees naomi and thinks “well, she’s a woman, so I could physically overtake her if I need to.” yikes.)

who wouldn’t like Misa she is a gift, fuck you light

god complex, and he kills for no reason but convinces himself there’s a reason

favourite episode/etc:

“New World” because he dies <3

otp:

Light / death <3

brotp:

honestly, I love Light and Ryuk’s dynamic. Light gives him apples and plays video games with him, and Ryuk makes fun of Light while also doing all his weird shit

ot3:

none

notp:

Light and any girl tbh, it makes me uncomfortable

best quote:

I can’t think of the EXACT wording, but when he’s on the bus with his fake date for the bus jacking, and the girl he’s with is UNDERSTANDABLY freaking out because there is a guy WAVING A GUN AROUND, and Light just looks at her and is like, “What’s wrong?”

Light,,, you’re trying to act like a normal high school student,,, at least Google how people tend to react when threatened with a gun, jesus christ

head canon:

mario golf is the only video game he owns, and he just has it to seem like a normal teenager, but he doesn’t actually enjoy it

BUT he also has to be perfect at it so he’s clocked in like 500 hours of gameplay before he even met Ryuk

also, he’s gay

Misa Amane

do I like them:

MISA!!! I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!! GOTH QUEEN!!!!!

5 good qualities:

in love with love, which is very romantic of her   

have you SEEN her??? an absolute fashion ICON!!!! she knows what style she likes and she ROCKS IT!!!!!! good for her! good for her!!!

she’s very loyal, even if that’s also a negative, since it causes her to be blindly devoted to Light despite him not treating her well. BUT, she’ll do anything for the people she loves. Misa would be the friend who you could call at 2 am to help bury a body, and she’d do it. She’d also kill anyone you asked her to, especially if they wronged you

she’s really smart!!! but people don’t expect her to be smart, which lets her weaponize her intellect. she can take those who doubt her by surprise and put them in a grave

she’s very friendly and sweet!! she’s willing to be friends with anyone as long as she thinks they’re a decent person, and I love that about her

3 bad qualities:

blind devotion, as I mentioned before. Misa, just because Light killed the person who murdered your family doesn’t mean he’s worth your time :/

doesn’t respect people’s personal space, especially when she’s excited

 doesn’t dump Light’s ass for Rem, which is a CRIME, Misa, please, you have that amazing monster girl romance potential, why waste it

favourite episode/etc:

I actually really like “Performance”?? It’s when Misa is meeting with the Yotsuba group. The scene between her and Rem in the bathroom is really good to me, and I like seeing Misa’s acting skills in all their glory

otp:

Rem / Misa. Rem is literally willing to die to keep Misa safe,,,,, hhhhhh it GETS TO ME, dude ;-;

brotp:

Misa and L!!!! All their interactions are really cute, I think. Also, I like Misa and Mogi. they’re fun

(I’m going to push my p5 / death note crossover agenda and also say Misa and Akechi <3)

ot3:

none

notp:

Misa and Light. Misa, I love you, and you deserve better

best quote:

When Rem tells Misa that the only way to kill a Shinigami is for them to fall in love with a human, and Misa says, “What a wonderful way to kill.”

head canon:

she only listens to evanescence. also, she’s pan

L

do I like them:

Absolutely, L is fantastic

5 good qualities:

determined, and will go great lengths to accomplish what he thinks needs to be done

even though he WILL do things that are morally questionable (or just straight up immoral), he doesn’t like putting people’s lives at risk

his posture is a Mood

extraordinarily smart, knew Light was Kira basically immediately and never gave up on that theory even after they started getting close. get his ass, L

 king of one liners imo

3 bad qualities:

does go too far with his methods, even if he thinks they’re necessary (the way they held Misa in custody, for example)

please for the love of god eat a vegetable

gets worked up a little too easily sometimes… as he says, he’s childish and hates to lose, and that can work against him

favourite episode/etc:

“Silence.” I really love the entire tone of the episode where L dies, and his urgency when Rem starts killing… holy shit

otp:

L / a very long, good night’s sleep

brotp:

as mentioned before, I really like L and Misa!! I also like the dynamic he has with soichiro yagami?? all the conversations they have about Light are phenomenal, they make me feel Emotions

ot3:

L / a very long, good night’s sleep / being alive

notp:

hmmm, I’m not really in the death note fandom, so I’m not aware of what ships are Popular for him besides L / Light, but…. I don’t like the idea of L / Misa existing :/

best quote:

when Misa is twirling them around with ~let’s all be friends together~ and he just goes “wee, yay, fun.” I quoted that ALL THE TIME in high school sdjlkhfksjdhf

head canon:

L sometimes puts his hair into little pigtails like Misa’s, because he thinks it’s cute. let him have nice things

also, he’s nonbinary (he / they) and gay

Songs of a Lost Memory

I wrote this thinking about a possible ending of the series that I would like to see. I apologize that I can't seem to get the "keep reading" link to work out on mobile.

“I’ll never forget you, Marinette.”

“I know, Tikki, and I wish I could say the same.”

“Goodbye.”

“I love you.”

It had been three months since the final battle of the Miracle War. The end of the war, along with the defeat of Hawkmoth and Mayura, brought on a long awaited peace in the city of Paris. But the final victory was not all glory. Emilie Agreste, the long missing mother of Adrien Agreste, and the soul motivation of her husband Gabriel's decent into villainy, was lost forever. The only casualty of absolute power corrupting absolutely.

Much to the surprise of the miraculous holders, Adrien was able to let go finally after gaining the closure about his mother’s disappearance. It had also helped that the heroes who stood and fought beside him were not just his comrades, but once the holders of the miraculous were exposed of their identities, they were also his dearest, closest friends.

The hardest task the heroes had to face now that the war was over, was the arrival of the Supreme Guardians of the miraculous. Who came to Paris to retrieve the lost Miracle Box Master Fu had escaped with 176 years before. Meaning that Marinette, as the acting Guardian of the miraculous, once she returned the Miraculous to the true Guardians, she relinquished all memories she had of Ladybug and the miraculous as well.

Though memories of old friends like Alya, Juleka, and Rose would remain vivid in Marinette’s mind and heart as ever. All the friends she gained after receiving the Ladybug Miraculous were lost in the wake of duties being passed on to the new Guardian.

They would be forgotten like the blurred images of a bad fever dream. And those who were aware of that fate, chose not to break their hearts any further saying their goodbyes to Marinette and going their separate ways as her time as Ladybug drew to a close.

Among those who would drift away from Marinette’s memories were Adrien and Kagami who coped with the loss of their best friend by finding solace in each other’s arms, and soon their hearts.

Luka, on the other hand, had disappeared as swiftly as he seemingly materialized in the cabin of the Liberty all those years ago.

But today was not the day to sulk about the Marinette that was lost. Today was the day to celebrate Paris’ newfound peace. A new day to welcome a new Marinette who, despite forgetting all the wisdom she gained during her years as Ladybug and the Guardian, carried herself with the poise and grace of the wisest of sages. And to reintroduce her to those who missed her presence dearly.

Ivan and Melene, who suggested and planned the celebration, called it Marinette’s ‘clean slate' party with a smile that echoed with a tinge of sadness. Though she remembered her two friends fondly, Marinette had no recollection of her influence on their journey in love.

The party was held at the Liberty, the only place in Paris anyone could think of that was worthy of the fun and music the former miraculous holders were about to unleash in the name of a good time.

And it was everything everyone expected it to be. Great food was displayed on many tables and beautiful decorations adorned the deck of the Liberty, which still had plenty of room for all the dancing that would take place. All that was left to do was to wait for the lady of the hour to finally arrive.

Kim, Max, Alix, Rose, and Juleka leaned on the edge of the Liberty, watching the currents of the water move down the Siene while waiting in silence. Reminiscing of their times in school before the rise of Hawk Moth and Akumas.

“So Max,” Kim asked looking to his smaller friend who happened to wear his best bow tie and suspenders to the event, “is there even a small chance that Mari might remember anything?”

Max sighed and pushed his thick glasses up his nose as he answered. “I’ve done the math several times, and her odds are always the same. 4,786,275,963.72 to 1. Marinette honestly has a better chance of sprouting wings than remembering her time spent as Ladybug.”

The group exhaled a sigh in unison upon hearing the impossibility explained to them, Max included.

Alix turned to Juleka. The violet haired woman stared out at the water. Her head resting on her hand that was propped up with her elbow on the Liberty’s railing. “hey, Jules, is your brother here?”

“Ya.”

Alix looked around the ship's deck and returned her gaze at her quiet friend.

“Um…where?”

“Sulking…”

Alix joined her brooding friend mimicking the same pose on the railing. “it’s not fair, Jules.”

“Life and love never is, Alix.”

Juleka thought of her brother who once had a smile that made her think of the brisk carefree winds of the sea. A smile that had disappeared at the end of the war. She did not know which was worse. Her brother’s loss of the woman he loved, or the realization she returned his affections and confessed her love during the final battle; knowing that the end of the war would bring the end of Paris’s miraculous era, and the loss of his lover’s memory of him. Luka Couffaine assured the former heroes that he was going to be alright and would carry on, but being his sister, Juleka knew her brother and could see him crumbling to pieces inside.

The violet haired beauty was taken out of her thoughts when a soft hand with pink fingernails reached out for her own. She turned to see Rose giving her a smile and a bright blue wink of her big doe eyes.

Rose always knew what to say without uttering a single word. And soon Juleka’s lips turned into a content smile as she gently turned her hand to hold the pixie blonde’s hand in hers.

The silence of the group was broken by Nino running to them as he adjusts the red hat on his head while he spoke.

“Hey guys, Alya just sent me a text. They’re about to approach the dock.”

“Where's Adrien and Kagami?” Rose asked as she took a glance around the Liberty’s deck, “I sure hope they made it. “

“They did,” Nino answered with a smile. “They were gonna meet Alya and Mari at the dock and talk for a minute before heading in.”

Alix interrupts threw conversation with more concern in her voice than she wished to reveal, “don't you think that's a terrible idea?!”

“Chillax dudette, Alya's got it covered. She is my girlfriend after all.”

“Well I hope this party doesn't end before it starts because of this.” Alix harrumphed as she crossed her arms in disapproval.

At the dock, Adrien and Kagami stood before the Liberty. The blonde young model tapping his fingers against his thigh erratically until Kagami placed her slender, sword worn hand on his and laced their fingers together.

“You're nervous,” Kagami spoke, looking ahead with the familiar air of stoicism that Adrien had never seen in anyone else.

“If course I’m nervous," there was a slight quiver in his voice. “Kagami, what if she doesn't like us? What if she does some strange love at first sight thing?”

“Adrien, she could never dislike us. And if she falls for you. We just tell her we're together right away, and she will accept it. We’re just two people making a new friend. And she's about to meet two new friends. History doesn't usually repeat itself.”

Adrien turned to his long time fencing partner and now girlfriend and gently cupped her face in his hand. He still was unsure how he managed to meet such a wonderful and wise person.

“I hope you’re right, Kagami.”

Jade eyes met an amber gaze and, for a moment, there was only the two comrades turned lovers in this world, and time slowed to a standstill around them.

“Heeeeeey! Lovebirds!”

It was Alya walking down the Parisian street toward the dock; hand in hand with a dark haired girl in a light pink sundress embroidered with flowers along the hip. Her hair was loose and draped her petite yet toned shoulders.

It was the princess herself, Marinette DuPain-Cheng.

“C'mon, girl,” Alya was heard saying as she hurried across the last empty street before the dock with their friend. Meeting the couple who were waiting. “I gotta introduce you to some friends of mine.” She held her hand over to Adrien and Kagami drawing Marinette’s smiling face in their direction. “This is Adrien Agreste and his girlfriend Kagami Tsurugi. And guys, this is my friend, Marinette.” The bronze woman turned her hands to her companion's direction.

Marinette smiled joyfully as she waved, “Hi, it's wonderful to meet yo-" she trailed off as she looked into Adrien's eyes and furrowed her brow as she tilted her head in concentration.

“I’m sorry, but have we met before?”

Adrien's blood went cold as he began to stammer his words, “I…uh…umm,” much in the same way Mari used to when they first got to know each other years ago. Before he was able to muster an excuse Kagami chuckled softly into her hand quietly before pointing behind Marinette. Their new friend turned to see a bus stop nearby with an ad for Agreste fashion that had Adrien on display.

With a loud laughter, a hand on her chest and a rosy tint on her cheeks, Marinette felt like a fool for a second. “oh goodness! I should have known you were that Adrien Agreste. How silly of me!”

Before long the four were roaring with laughter only to be interrupted by Nino and the gang calling to them from the Liberty.

“Hey, Adrien, quit keeping the ladies all to yourself and get up here with us!”

“Yeah or we just might start this party without our guest of honor!”

“Yeah!”

The four reunited friends looked up at the Liberty. And Adrien turned to the three women beside him. “well I believe it’s time to head in M'ladies.”

Marinette began to rush on ahead of the group up toward the gag plank, as the guest of honor they referred to was her. She suddenly stopped before turning around and pulled Kagami and Adrien in a loving embrace that took them off guard.

“I’m so glad to meet you both! I hope we can be great friends!”

Adrien and Kagami returned their affection and held their friend tight while saying together “the best.”

A few hours into the party, everyone had celebrated a toast to Paris' freedom from Hawk Moth and the threat of akumas. Afterwards they played games, ate, drank, and were merry as they told stories about the hero’s that helped save the city that Marinette did not remember. She simply assumed she was just too busy to notice.

The party's most anticipated guest was having a wonderful time and thought it was such a kind thing to do for little to no reason. It truly made her feel special and loved, this all meant the world to her. But the young lady could not help but feel that something was undeniably missing. The longer she thought about it, the more she became disgruntled because the only thing that she could picture was a marine teal blue.

“Is something wrong, Marinette?” Melene asked her pondering friend with concern, placing a kind hand on her shoulder.

Marinette sighed and played with her manicured nails.

“For weeks now I have felt that something is missing. So much so that I even dream about it. It’s always the same dream too, I hear a beautiful melody, and I see the most serene eyes looking into my own. Someone says something, but I can never make out the words. I just hoped that maybe I would happen to meet the person with those eyes and finally say hello.”

Marinette looked up at Melene and Ivan who walked up and began to listen. His inner poet compelled to listen to the words of her heart. They looked at her with an aura of sadness about them that the girl wanted to shrug off in embarrassment.

“Eh heh heh, don’t mind me. I’m just talking a bunch of nonsense!” Marinette tried to laugh off the mood she leaked into the room.

“Actually that sounds just like Lu-“ Ivan began before seeing Rose and Juleka waving their arms in a frenzy in the Hope’s he would just stop talking!

Luckily he got the hint.

“Uhh JAGGED STONE! He plays music and says tons of things that make no sense!”

Marinette giggled into her hands as the girls out of her view quietly sighed and wiped their brows in relief. “No, Jagged Stone’s over there talking to Miss Couffaine.” She pointed over to the open stage on the deck where a woman with silver hair in a thick braid talked with an eccentric man with magenta hair and the typical rock star outfit. Jagged spotted her pointing his way and waved before giving them a thumbs up.

“Rockin’ party, kids!”

Marinette waved back before turning around, a sigh escaping her lips. Melene shot a glare at Ivan as he rolled his eyes, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. He certainly dodge a bullet.

“You know I think I’m gonna grab a mineral water from inside and sit down. I think the sun might be getting to me.” Marinette pointed to the stairs that led inside the Liberty’s cabins, “I’ll just be a few minutes, really.” And she hurried off to the stairs before her friends could respond.

Once downstairs and in the Liberty’s kitchen, Marinette walked to the pantry and pulled out a can of mineral water and sighed to herself. As she readied the tab to open the can, it slid out of shaking hands as the sound of a guitar’s melody flooded her ears.

Though she had never heard the tune, tears welled up in her light blue eyes. She wiped her spontaneous tears in awe as she focused on the music to pinpoint its location.

It came from the lowest cabin of the ship.

Drawn to the song, Marinette stealthed her way down another short staircase and tiptoed down the hall to avoid anyone from stopping her pursuit, and to reach the source of the music unnoticed.

As the melody grew louder and clearer, Marinette’s heart began to skip a beat more and more until she a reached a wide, open doorway. She peeked in to see a dimly lit bedroom, the only light entering from the small round windows of the ship. On the bed that was pushed against the wall sat a man with blue and black hair with his back turned to the doorway. Playing a melody on his guitar that made Marinette’s heart both swell with love and sink in despair. He poured his everything, his very heart and soul, into every note that sang from each string.

The song reached it’s end and the guitarist slowly wrapped his arms around his instrument, heaving a sigh so heavy and shaken, Marinette could almost hear the tears as they rolled down his face.

“Sass,” he said quietly to the empty room. “I don’t know what to do.”

Unsure of what to say, the words “excuse me" escaped Marinette’s lips in a whisper. She didn’t have curiosity about the name he spoke, she only wanted to understand his music.

“I’m sorry,” the stranger spoke in a voice, deep and tired. “Please, don’t worry, I don’t want-"

“No,” the woman cut him off gently. “Please…why does playing something so beautiful cause you so much pain?” The desire to understand this man she had never met grow stronger with every passing second. It was almost painful in her chest.

“M…Miss…” he began without turning around to face her. Marinette began to wonder if he was avoiding looking at her. But something told her it was not to avoid her seeing his tears. But something deeper. “Do you believe in Second Chance?”

“Of course I do,” Marinette answered as she leaned her back onto the doorway watching this mysterious musician who hid himself away. Why did her heart flutter so around him?

“Not long ago you could say it was my superpower.” He said with a short laugh that was forced in an attempt to lighten the mood. “But anymore, the idea seems impossible.”

“How come?” Marinette asked, desperate to understand the man she just met moments ago. Her body desires to inch closer but remained set in the doorway out of respect.

“It…no longer matters. I lost her.”

“Who?”

He remained silent for seconds that felt like years before he slid black painted fingernails up the guitar neck and began to play once more the melody that lured Marinette down to the cabins; it was a siren song that called to her.

“Her.” He spoke of the song as if it were a third person standing in the room.

Marinette could not help herself but to ask “what happened?”

“She’s gone. And all I have left of her is the song in her heart,” he confessed as he continued to play.

“It sounds like you loved her dearly,” she placed a hand to her chest and closed her eyes, but her heart would not calm down.

“More than anything, and I always will,” for the first time in their conversation, his voice rose in volume slightly and was warm with content.

“What was she like?”

The room remained void of words as the song floated around the walls before he answered her question

“Extraordinary.” He began with love and admiration in his voice. “Clear as a music note; sincere as a melody…”

The words he spoke grabbed Marinette by the heart and shook the deepest core of her being. Her cheeks grew rosy and her eyes widened with understanding. They resonated inside a part of her that felt chained away in a secret place that was now free to escape to the surface. Revealing to her heart a secret she had no clue she hid from herself.

Suddenly she pictured those eyes she had seen every night in her dreams. Those deep ocean blue eyes staring into her own. Before she was aware of her actions, the words that fell from her lips matched the ones she was hearing for the first time.

“She was the music that played inside my (your) head since the day we first met.”

Upon hearing each other utter the same words, the guitar’s song stopped as the man slowly turned to Marinette. His eyes wide as if he was looking at a ghost, partially hidden behind scattered tufts of black and blue hair that gracefully fell down along his face were the soulful ocean blue eyes that taunted Marinette every night for the last three months.

Those eyes were now looking into her soul once again in the waking life and Marinette could not help but gaze back into them. She spoke a single word that shook the man down to the deepest center of his soul.

“Luka…”

“Ma…mamaMarinette!”

In the moment, the invisible shackles that chained the two bodies still suddenly shattered like glass as they raced to each other. The guitar fell with a harmonic thump as Luka hurriedly climbed off the bed and reached out as they collided into each other in the most desperate embrace. The urge to hold each other was so overwhelming with passion it was almost violent.

Determined to make sure the other was real, they pressed their lips onto any skin they found exposed in hard sweet kisses.

Luka showered his love in kisses he had held back since that moment he opened his eyes and she stood before him in the same cabin when they were young.

Marinette held onto him as tight as she could. Unknowingly the same way he held her the day she crumbled under the pressures of her responsibilities and cried into his chest. Though the memories of her time as Ladybug were forever gone and forgotten, the warmth of Luka’s embrace felt so familiar.

And she never wanted this familiar feeling to slip away ever again.

Luka entangled himself tight against Marinette’s body, hoping to weave his body and soul into hers so that they would never part. He thought of the Snake Kwami of Second Chance and pondered if the magical creature had left behind just enough magic for one last miracle, and if Sass had done so, Luka would remain grateful for the rest of his days.

Cranberry

The ideal Holmes is tall and dark with sharp edges and an intelligent look to him, but also posh and with a sense that you could fold him into origami if you really tried. Dresses well, but wouldn’t look out of place sprawled dramatically over a couch in a dressing gown with a pipe and surrounded by drug paraphernalia. Once made a pillow fort and sat in it to think. Caught somewhere between handsome, pretty, and weird looking. Emphasis can be on any of the three. CANNOT have facial hair.

Holmes Adaptations

S-Tier

Miss Sherlock (Yuko Takeuchi) - 95%

You’ll notice, of course, that nowhere in the earlier description did I say Holmes needed to be white, a man, or even human. None of those qualifiers or the lack-thereof prevent someone from looking the part -- it simply becomes necessary to compare them to the characters around them. And when I picture a female Sherlock Holmes, Yuko Takeuchi embodies the exact image in my mind. Her sharp edges, piercing eyes, and impeccable fashion, along with the powerful weird energy she brings to the role, fit Sherlock perfectly. She does look more than a bit like she could kick my ass, but more in the manner she dominates the room, which is perfect for the character.

Sherlock Holmes (Jeremy Brett) - 85%

I haven’t watched this adaptation, though I’ve been meaning to get around to it. So this ranking is based solely on screenshots and promotional images. And honestly, as ugly as i find this guy, he totally nails it. He even kind of looks like the illustrations in the stories. I won’t give him a perfect score because his hair could be darker and his face is a little small, and there’s just barely something missing. But as far as “canon” Holmes adaptations go, he’s the cream of the crop.

A-Tier

Sherlock: The Abominable Bride (Benedict Cumberbatch) - 80%

Definitely the more accurate of the two Cumberbatch Holmes designs, the sleek fashion and slicked back hair complement Cumberbatch’s angular build and “somewhere between pretty and just weird” face. He’s tall, dark, and posh. If there’s anything holding him back it’s simply that even dressed up properly, there’s something still a bit modern looking about him.

Fate/Grand Order - 78%

Given that his design and presentation are a direct reference to both Brett and Cumberbatch’s portrayals, it’s a given he’d place so highly. It’s really hard to nail down a 2D Holmes, especially in the anime style this game employs, since it has a tendency to prettify characters by default. True to form, FGO Holmes is far neater and more precise than I’d like. But he’s by no means a bad design, and depending on the image he can really hit the spot for me; he’s definitely a chart topper in the realm of 2D Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: The Furtive Festivity (Gregory Johnstone) - 75%

There aren’t many Holmes that we only get to see as an old man, in no small part due to the ACD estate’s notoriously malicious copyright practices. Johnstone ranks so highly not due necessarily to the details of his look, but the overall feel he embodies. This Holmes is soft, affectionate, more than a little floppy. His hair and costume portray a man well grown into his eccentric life, and his face is sharp and mature enough to suggest the brains underneath; even if that’s more wisdom than intelligence in this particular story. This is a Holmes designed by someone who really loves Sherlock Holmes, and it definitely shows.

BBC Sherlock (Benedict Cumberbatch) - 75%

Cumberbatch’s features still naturally suit Holmes well, and he’s tall and striking enough to cover the rest. But this isn’t a rating of his acting performance aside from the visuals it supplies; it’s hard to modernize Holmes, especially since it makes perfect sense for Holmes to gel well with the changing times; he was always a man ahead of his era. BBC Holmes’s trademark trenchcoat and curly locks aren’t traditional Holmes, but they suit him well enough.

Yuukoku no Moriarty - 73%

The long hair is an unorthodox take, but I'm certainly not complaining. YnM's Holmes definitely nails the youthful scientific exuberance of an early Holmes. It's clear they were going for a sort of BBC/ACD mix, but with their own spin. Pretty -- he is an anime boy, after all -- but all sharp edges and full of energy. Decent, way better than most anime Holmes designs manage.

B-Tier

Basil of Baker Street [The Great Mouse Detective] - 70%

Comparing the character to those around them is especially important when it comes to non-human characters, who naturally don’t have the same features. Putting Basil next to Dawson makes this abundantly clear, as they make a perfect portrait of Holmes and Watson. For a mouse, he’s thin, angular, even a little ratlike; all decisions that suit Holmes well. I have some complaints about his ensemble, though; while the dressing gown suits him well, his normal brown coat and hat don’t work so well with his fur; the monochrome look makes him come off a bit scruffy and unrefined.

A Study in Black - 68%

Rules are made to be broken, they say; here’s a Holmes with well maintained facial hair and who’s shorter than Watson, and yet I can without question say they were the right decisions. This Holmes takes a very different design approach than any other on this list, even the other modern takes, but he embodies the spirit of Holmes much more than if he’d tried to match every detail. Holmes is still gaunt and striking, eccentric and fashionable. He looks absolutely great.

The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes (Robert Stephens) - 62%

Stephens in this role is, I have to say, far too soft. But he’s playing a different sort of Holmes, and I can’t resist keeping him here. There are some parts of the look he has down; he certainly looks high class, and the softer elements of Holmes’ character look good on him. Holmes’ traditional costume, the hat and coat, look out of place on him. But that suits the message of the film, and may very well have been intentional.

C-Tier

Dai Gyakuten Saiban - 58%

Not the only blond Holmes on this list, but it doesn’t suit him as poorly. From a character design standpoint, it looks very good. As a Holmes, it’s unorthodox. He’s not gonna be a chart topper with it, but I wouldn’t rule it out. This Holmes’ real problem isn’t his coloration, merely that he’s much too conventionally attractive. His jaw is a bit too wide, curls a bit too lovely, the peek of lavender under his coat a bit too rich, and I can’t look at him for too long without blushing. Do some cocaine and get back to me.

Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone) - 55%

Now, this one might be controversial. I don’t think Rathbone Holmes looks very good. I can’t put my finger on why; his head is the right shape, his nose very sharp, though his face looks very smooth and he seems overall vaguely packed in. Like he was plucked out of the sky just before walking on set. The shapes are all right, it just seems off to me. I guess what I’m getting is that his look is too obviously produced. He looks too much like an actor portraying Holmes, rather than Holmes. But I know he’s gonna be the guy a lot of people swear by, so I won’t defend this placement too hard.

Sherlock Hound - 45%

Really, what is up with the monochrome design on some of these cartoons. Sherlock Hound has the darker hat to make up for it, though, so it’s a little better. Applying the same rubric as Basil to him... doesn’t get the same results. As far as I can tell, this just looks like a normal dog. And a scruffy light-furred one, at that. There’s a contrast between him and Watson, sure, but it could’ve been pushed further. At the end of the day this is an average guy dressed as Sherlock.

D-Tier

Herlock Sholmes [Code: Realize] - 40%

This is a very pretty anime boy. I’d pick him first in whatever dating sim this is. ...Wait, this is supposed to be Holmes? How can you tell? Look, I know it’s hard to make an anime boy Holmes. Holmes’ key design elements aren’t his costume or his hair, they’re the things that make him unpolished. And anime dating sim boys don’t like to be unpolished. But really, this is just a steampunk boy who likes tea. Nothing here reads as Holmes to me.

Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) - 35%

Now, I love this movie. RDJ got me back into Sherlock Holmes when I was younger. And as this character, he has a very specific and well designed look. ...Does that look gel with canon Holmes? I don’t think so. He’s rough, he’s scruffy, he’s short and wide and strong-jawed, and he refuses to go for a clean shave. I like him a lot, but he’s not very Holmesian. He does, however, nail the eccentricity and his costume design works for him well. I do like a messy Holmes. So I won’t go any lower than this.

F-Tier

Basil [Blush Blush] - 28%

So, he’s got the outfit. There’s that. But otherwise... This is just some soft ugly anime boy cosplaying Sherlock Holmes. He doesn’t have a single trait that works in his favor. On top of that, he’s got the same problem the other Basil on this list had -- the all monochrome light brown just looks weird, and not Holmesian at all. And this boy doesn’t have the excuse of literally being a mouse. This is just an ugly design.

Elementary (Jonny Lee Miller) - 25%

Now, I've only watched a few scattered episodes of Elementary. Partially because I'm morally opposed to shows that only gender-flip half of the duo, partially because I’m absolutely outraged by the travesty they made Moriarty. But this isn’t a bad character, per-se.

But, like, this is just some dude. This isn't Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes [Clue] - 23%

I love Clue so much. That probably doesn’t surprise anyone. I have the season pass in this game, which automatically gives me every DLC character they add for free. So I was super excited to hear there was gonna be a Sherlock crossover. ...But this is just ugly. Another light haired square-jawed monochrome asshole pretending to be my favorite character. There’s nothing Holmes about this. (The rest of the designs in the pack are no better, but this isn’t about them.)

Skylar Holmes [Blossom Detective Holmes] - 20%

Now, Blossom Detective is a show that I famously disliked so much I immediately sat down and screenwrote my own Holmes cartoon on the spot. And Skylar certainly feels like she should be in the “part 2″ of this list, but a Holmes she is.

She's cute and she accessorizes well, but she's just not Sherlock Holmes by any stretch.

Sherlock Shellingford [Milky Holmes] - 10%

Now, look how cute she is! Sherlock Shellingford, present and accounted for. She’s got TWO Sherlock names so you know she’s the real deal. Now, this is just an objectively good design. She's exactly what she needs to be to serve the role she plays!

And that isn't Sherlock Holmes. Sorry.

Holmes & Watson (Will Ferrell) - 0%

Get out of my house.

Holmes Archetypes

Not all Holmes’ are meant to be the Canonical Sherlock Holmes, of course; some are just neat references, or characters who naturally fit into his role whether the author intended it or not. Let’s address them here, and remember that not looking the part doesn’t really reflect negatively on these ones as they’re stand-alone.

S-Tier

Dylan Reinhart [Instinct] (Alan Cumming) - 90%

Dylan is so point for point Sherlock Holmes that it’s hard to call him an archetype and not a straight adaptation, or possibly a rip-off if I’m being harsh. But I’m not supposed to be rating him by portrayal, just looks - and he’s really good. He’s the exact right blend of weird looking, though not as angular as he should be. His sharp eyebrows and nose and high hairline work fantastic, and he wears a suit very well. He’s a perfect little bundle of posh and nerves, and though he’s not perfect the fact that this isn’t actually supposed to be canon Sherlock Holmes makes this placement very unsurprising. He wouldn’t look out of place on the other list.

Hubert von Vestra [Fire Emblem: Three Houses] - 85%

Oh? What’s that? You don’t think Hubert von Vestra is a Sherlock Holmes archetype? Okay, then explain to me why he uses the word “sentiment” exactly twice in his supports. Atheists 1, Church of Seiros 0. Anyway. Let’s start with the obvious. Hubert looks like Benedict Cumberbatch. But, he looks like a vampire Benedict Cumberbatch who did a lot more cocaine. And if you don’t think Sherlock Holmes should look like a vampire, youre lying.

A-Tier

None yet. Please submit your Holmes and I will add them.

B-Tier

Heinwald [Dragalia Lost] - 67%

I would never look at this design and think "well, that's Sherlock Holmes". Heinwald looks more like a zombie or the bride of Frankenstein, very Halloween. His look being so specific does come at the expense of his Holmesness, but he's still got more than a few traits down and he’s an absolute treat.

L Lawliet [Death Note] - 65%

This is a very, very weird looking man. Key points: dark hair and eyes. gaunt, sharp, and mostly angular (though with a softer face). Extremely foldable. This man could 100% pass for Holmes, if someone else was dressing him. Put him in a suit, comb his hair? Yeah. It’d really work. But until then, he’s just most of the way there.

Kyoko Kirigiri [Danganronpa] - 63%

Kirigiri really gets jilted here, because she could be much higher. Unfortunately, she has to be part of a series that with only a few exceptions just reuses the same face and body for most of its female characters. Kirigiri definitely has the sharp and focused feel she needs to pass for Holmes, and she dresses well. The white hair is the opposite of the dark he usually touts, but it’s striking. Unfortunately, put her next to any other character in her series, and she blends back in.

Miles Edgeworth [Ace Attorney] - 60%

Feels a little weird to put Edgeworth on here when the actual Sherlock Holmes is in his game, but he fits the character much better if not the narrative role. So let’s go over the looks. His jaw is a bit wide, but he’s very pointy, and I certainly have never gotten the impression he’s a physically strong man. He’s very fashionable, and with his big cravat and sharp hair he makes a cutting silhouette. I’d say he needs a bit more to really nail the look, though.

C-Tier

Will Graham [Hannibal] (Hugh Dancy) - 45%

Despite being a noted Hannibal Lecter fan and possible homosexual, I still haven’t watched Hannibal. I’m taking people at their word that Will is a Sherlock; I definitely would have assumed otherwise looking at him. He reminds me deeply of BBC’s John Watson, and it’s hard to see anything else. But I don’t hate his look; he reads as clever, he looks good in darks, and I wouldn’t complain to see him cast as Holmes. He’s better than some of the lower-tiered canon Holmes actors, anyway.

Ranpo Edogawa [Bungo Stray Dogs] - 40%

This is another submission, and I don’t know who this boy is. I really doubt he’s actually a Holmes, given that he’s named after a real non-Doyle writer, but I was begged to include him. Let’s go. I really like his outfit. He’s got an aesthetic I like. Is it Holmes’? No. This kid looks like he’d fit way better as a Baker Street Irregular; maybe he should audition.

D-Tier

Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) - 35%

Take everything I said for Robert Downey Jr, and just mess up his hair a bit more. House is scruffy, poorly put together, and not wearing anything that costs over $100. As a Holmes, he’d work as one of his disguises; I wouldn’t be super surprised if this guy suddenly cleaned up and looked the part -- but it would take a lot of cleaning. I love his look, though -- again, he isn’t trying to be canon. House is an explicit Holmes parallel, but he’s still his own character.

F-Tier

Walnut Cookie [Cookie Run] - 20%

Given how much “Holmes costume” and “Detective costume” are conflated, it’s possible this gingerbread baby isn’t even supposed to be a Holmes reference, but I’ll take her. She’s an excellent design - but a standalone one. Shes too soft, warm, and curly looking to pull off canon Holmes.

Just Deserts~Chapter 3

I got a message last night requesting the next part, so I actually just banged it out since it was halfway done. Excuse the lack of editing plz.

Chapter summary: Tawney is struggling to juggle working her job and working for Ransom. The picture becomes clearer on how he treats the people surrounding him, including women. He gives her a nickname she’s not quite fond of. Warnings: language, themes surrounding racism

Chapter 3

August

              Tawney had been working for Ransom for three weeks, and she was really starting to regret her decision.  But it wasn’t much of a decision, was it?  She was so tired she could barely remember how everything played out.  All she knew was that she would never text and drive again.  If she had just kept her eyes on the road for another couple seconds, the accident would have never happened.  She wouldn’t be losing her mind working two jobs.  She wouldn’t be struggling to stay awake during the day. She would feel like she had some resemblance of a life. 

              And Ransom, oh God.  What a nightmare.  It was like he was purposefully trying to make her life a living hell while she was at his house.  His little side remarks, his looks of disapproval, the way he was constantly judging her and her work.  It felt like he was rubbing his lifestyle in her face at all times.  With his careless early morning or late-night messages about food, or complaining about something she had done, or not done.  “The mashed potatoes were too lumpy”, “Asparagus is disgusting, don’t put it on the list anymore”, “Don’t be late today. You were five minutes late last time”. He was blowing up her phone more than anyone.  He was the biggest asshole she had ever met.

              Of course, his car had been patched up and was like brand new.  Meanwhile hers was still a mess, and the door was getting worse by the day.  She ended up having to use a bungee cord to hold the door closed once she climbed in.  If she wasn’t so busy trying to keep up the pace at work, and trying to keep up with Ransom’s ridiculous demands and standards, she would have had a mental break down.  But there truly was no time for that.   She had to keep her head held high, she would not let Ransom get to her, or her idiot hot-headed boss.

              Tawney had somehow managed to fall asleep while icing cupcakes.  Her boss had come in and found her with her face down, icing squeezing out of the bag and making a mess on the counter top.  He must have truly enjoyed the way she jolted awake when he shouted at her, her eyes as wide as dinner plates and blue icing stuck to the side of her face. And then he truly did enjoy lecturing her for ten minutes about her mess.  “If this new job is keeping you from performing up to standards here, then you need to seriously reconsider your commitment to this company.” He had told her, sternly.  She hadn’t told him about her arrangement, and she wasn’t going to.  Truthfully, she was starting to hate both jobs equally.  

              It was her day off from the catering company, but that just meant that she could get over to Ransom’s earlier and hopefully be done before noon.  The thought of being free for an entire afternoon to do nothing but sleep had her ecstatic.  With her head and sprits low, she marched up to Ransom’s door and rang the doorbell. While she waited for the door to open, she looked to her left and saw a gardener trimming the hedges.  The poor man was older, with kind eyes and wrinkles that spoke to his possible wisdom, but above all things, she noticed the darker tone of his skin.  She wondered, did Ransom get a kick out of having “help” that didn’t look like him? She wondered if this man of Hispanic decent had ever stepped food inside that house.  She wouldn’t have put it past Ransom, to keep the divide between the haves and the have-nots, or rather the privileged and the under privileged. The man truly seemed to get a kick out of rubbing his lifestyle in other people’s faces.  Secretly, she thought that it was the mark of an empty man.  What did he have to show behind all of those designer clothes?

              The door flung open and caught her off guard, but it was who answered it that truly shocked her.  On the other side of the screen door stood a pretty blond woman with bright blue eyes, wearing nothing but a man’s crisp white button-down shirt.  Her hair was messy, but her pink lips were curved up in a sarcastic smirk.  Tawney couldn’t help but notice that the shirt barely hit the woman’s thighs.  She looked away instinctively, not wanting to get too familiar with this strange woman.  The screen door swung open. “You must be the help.” The woman’s perky voice carried through the air. When the words hit Tawney’s ears, she turned back to the woman and gave her a perturbed look.  While she knew what she wanted to say, she knew better than to actually say it.

“I’m the chef.” Tawney corrected her.

“You make the food.” The woman spoke again.  And again, it felt like she was trying to take a slight dig at Tawney.  Of course, birds of a feather flock together… and fuck each other.  

“Right, that’s exactly what a chef does.” Tawney didn’t mind letting her claws out a bit that time. This floosy wasn’t about to talk down to her, she didn’t work for her.  

              Tawney pushed past the woman and stepped inside the house, hurrying to the kitchen to get away from the broad.  She was far too tired and lacking the patience to deal with some air-headed trick trying to talk down to her.  The woman followed her, stepping lightly in her bare feet, but staying hot on her heels.  Tawney could feel the woman’s eyes on the back of her head.  She huffed as she set down her knife bag and unrolled the assortment of cutlery, almost daring the woman to keep disrespecting her. The woman came up and tapped her perfectly manicured nails on the marble countertop.  The sound was grating on Tawney’s ears, and she sarcastically put her hands up on the marble and turned to the woman with a fake smile.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m vegan, just so you’re aware.” The woman replied, sounding ever so prideful, “What breakfast recipes do you have for vegans?” and then she licked her lips, “I worked up quite an appetite.” The fact that she was trying to brag about having relations with the dickhead that owned the house made Tawney audibly snort.  The two women eyed each other, perhaps sizing each other up.

“Never been one to cook a lot of vegan foods.” Tawney made one last attempt to be civil.

“Yeah I bet, you look like you enjoy your fried chicken.” The woman insulted her.  

Oh hell no.  Tawney wasn’t about to let that one slide.  

“Look, trick,” she started, “I’m not sure if your comment was supposed to be racist or about the size of my ass, but if you think you can stand there looking like any other common house whore out of a lifetime movie and insult me…you can kiss my fat, black ass.” She leaned in closer and glared at the woman, “I don’t work for you.  And you say you don’t eat meat, but I’m willing to bet, since you’re sporting a guy’s shirt like some dumb trophy, that you had some meat in you not too long ago.  And if you’re that hungry,” Tawney reached out to the fruit bowl in front of her, picked up an apple, and tersely set it down on the counter in front of the other woman, “Here ya’ go.”

The woman’s eyes went as wide as dinner plates and she opened her mouth, preparing to come back at her with something, but Ransom’s hardy laugh cut through the air and stopped the situation from going any further.  Tawney turned and saw him strutting into the kitchen, with all of his usual pride.  He eyed both of the women as he approached the counter.  Tawney looked him over, curious to see what a rich man wears when he first gets up.  He had some jersey black shorts on, and a loose-fitting red shirt.  Maybe they didn’t look expensive, but she was sure they had designer labels on them.

“Hugh…you tell this….!” The woman started, surely about to tell him to kick Tawney out.

“Relax, sweetheart.” He cut the woman off. “How about you two just kiss and make up?”

Gross.  And apparently the other woman thought so too, because her face showed absolute disgust, and she huffed as she stormed away. Tawney’s face remained the same, and she stood there without budging, waiting to hear what Ransom had to say to her.  She wouldn’t have expected anything less from this man but to act like a pig, apparently this other woman didn’t know the man all that well.  What else should have been expected?  Tawney eyed Ransom, who in return leaned on the counter and gave her an amused look.

“You really know how to make friends, don’t you?” he spoke sarcastically.

“She started it.” Tawney placed the blame on the bimbo. “And I thought only the help calls you Hugh.” Her tone emphasized the grandiosity of his ego.

“She did help me, quite a lot in fact.” Ransom joked as he walked around the island and to the fridge.

“Oh God.” Tawney lamented loudly into the air.  She didn’t need to know that.

“Just wish I remembered her name.” he said as he twisted the cap off of the orange juice and took a swig right from the jug.  Tawney scoffed, audibly showing off her disgust again.  But of course, it wasn’t surprising.

“Well you might want to try to remember it, and apologize to her if you’re hoping to get her in your bed again.”

“Won’t happen again.” Ransom confirmed as he placed the jug back in the fridge. “Lousy lay.”

“I really didn’t need to know that.” Tawney was sick of the conversation.

“Just slice up an apple and make her some toast.  She’ll be on her way in a bit.” He said as he ran a hand through his ruffled hair.  “But I’m starving.  How about you whip me up an omelet? Peppers, onions and cheese.  And some bacon on the side.” He walked out of the kitchen and back towards the hallway, but stopped and turned around. He pointed a finger in her direction, “And just a warning…watch your attitude.” And he turned and walked out.

“Dick.” She muttered under her breath.

              Tawney fixed breakfast for Ransom, and the trick, and just as he had said, she was out the door.  Tawney watched on as the scene unfolded from where she stood in the kitchen, making aioli.  The woman was back in what had to have been her clothes from the night before, a skin tight black sequin dress with a low back and Christian Louboutin pumps.  To think that those shoes cost as much, or maybe even more, than her rent was a daunting reminder of the world she was serving in.  She may have sparred with the woman, but that pretty blond was in a whole other league. She was the kind of woman who would look down at her, shrug of firing her without even an ounce of knowledge or understanding of what life was like in someone else’s shoes.  The only common ground between them was evident when Ransom casually told her he would consider giving her a call, and avoided kissing her goodbye.  Both women knew what that meant, and the blond shot her one last look before she turned and walked out the door.  In that moment, she felt bad for the woman, and knew that she would likely be driving off with a broken heart.  Race and class may have set them apart, but every woman can relate to that empty pit of a feeling of being used by a man.  

Every woman, except for Tawney.  But she knew what a broken heart felt like.

“Well,” Ransom piped up as he unceremoniously shut the door behind the woman and approached Tawney again, and something in her stirred, something that made her feel like she had to worry, “Now that that’s over, we have other matters to get to.”

“Like what?” Tawney was afraid to ask.

“Like my friends coming over later for dinner.”

“You’re supposed to give me 24 hours’ notice.” She reminded him, curtly.

“Well it was kind of last minute.”

“Why?  To share last night’s adventures with your buddies?” Tawney realized she overstepped her boundaries as soon as she had said it. But the look on the woman’s face as she left had her momentarily siding with her opponent.  Ransom cut his eye at her.

“A gentleman never kisses and tells.”

“Nobody calls you a gentleman.” She should have bit her tongue, probably.  Ransom’s brows bounced with a little shock, and maybe a little entertainment.  

“That sass is going to get you in trouble, Tawney.” He warned her again, and then his expression changed to a more humored one.  “You know, I think I’ll start calling you Tea.”

“Tea?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s not my name.” she shot back.

“Yeah no shit.  But it suits you.  You can be hot or cold.” He smirked, “I kinda like it.  Besides, what kind of a name is Tawney?” they had had that very discussion previously.  She drew in a deep breath and slowly released it, trying not to get ruffled.  “Oh, come on, it suits you!” he tried to defend himself. “You’re either burning someone with that attitude or icing someone out. But you know what? As long as your sweet to me, everything is fine.” He tilted his head, “Like sweet tea.” He chuckled. “Yeah, it works.”

“You were saying about dinner?” she wanted to get him back on track.

“Six people including me. It’s a hot day, so something not too heavy.  But not sandwiches.” He thought more, “If you need something, call Maria.” And he walked away and into the living room.  Tawney sighed and leaned back against the sink.  She was tired, physically, mentally.  Her hopes of having an afternoon off were dashed in a matter of seconds.  Who gave this man the right to change the rules on her?  And who gave him the right to call her something other than her own name? How much longer would she have to do this?

“Hey,” she called out to him from the kitchen and he turned from where he was sitting on the couch and looked at her. “How much longer do I have to work for you before my debt is paid?” she finally asked him.  His eyes darted around and then back to her.

“I don’t know.” He replied, sounding annoyed that she had asked.

“Yeah, well, it’s been four weeks.  I’m exhausted.  Trying to balance this on top of my other job is killing me.  I’m barely staying awake at work.”

“Then quit your other job.” He made it sound so simple.  Her skin started to boil with anger.

“I have to work!  I have to pay rent!  I’m barely getting by as it is!  But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” she snapped.  She looked at him as he eyed her in return.  “You like to talk down to me, but you have no idea how hard I work.  I work my ass off.  Your car is fixed.  Mine is still a mess. I know you may not think my time is as valuable as yours, but I have a life, you know.”

“A few more weeks, we’ll be even.” He turned back around, dismissing her concerns.  She glared at the back of his head, grinding her teeth and wishing she could throw that last apple at him.  Instead, she turned back to the sink to collect her thoughts.  

              She looked out the window at the sink and saw the gardener working outside.  He was on his hands and knees pulling weeds, wiping the sweat off is his brow with his forearm. His wide brimmed hat might have kept the sun off of his face and neck, but it was a hot and humid day, and it wasn’t even noon.  Tawney immediately felt bad for the poor man, it was sad to see someone his age even working that hard on a hot day like he was.  While she was unfortunate enough to be caught up the web of this affluent asshole, the man outside still had it worse than she did.  

              Without giving it another thought, Tawney filled a tall glass with water, ice, lemon juice, a teaspoon of sugar and a lemon slice. She stirred it vigorously, making sure all of the sugar dissolved and didn’t just sink to the bottom.  She made her way towards the door, walking past Ransom as he sat on the couch, watching TV.  He glanced up at her.

“Thanks.”

“It’s not for you.” She retorted as she let herself outside, not giving him another second.  

She marched around the house until the old man saw her and slowly got to his feet. He looked unsure, concerned about why she was approaching him.  She held out the glass, which was already collecting condensation from the heat of being outside, but the lemonade was still cold.  The man eyed the glass, and then her, but eventually took it from her and guzzled it down in a few gulps.  He handed the glass back to her with a nod. “Gracias.” His accent was heavy.  Tawney took the glass and smiled.

“De nada.” She replied. The man’s eyes lit up.

“Hablas español?” he sounded hopeful.

“Oh, no.  No, I’m sorry.  Just that tiny bit.” She apologized for getting his hopes up.

“Ah…okay.” The man smiled and nodded, saying he understood.

              Tawney gave one last small smile and walked back around the house, feeling proud of herself for thinking of the poor man. She felt good about her deed.  Upon walking back into the house, her eyes went right to Ransom, who was also staring her down.  “Cute.” Ransom commented from where he sat.  She shrugged and headed back into the kitchen. “And I’ll take one too.” He called out after her.  She had to bite her tongue, again.  

              She made dinner as quickly as she could, keeping in mind what was available.  Deviled eggs, Caesar salad, a linguini with shrimp, tomatoes and zucchini.  For dessert, she got creative, enjoying the space to try something she hadn’t in a while.  She grilled up some peaches with a honey glaze and made an amaretto flavored whipped cream.  Of course, she had to store it all in the fridge, which meant giving Ransom instructions on how to serve it.  She wondered if the man-child would throw a minor fit over having to lift a finger.  “The appetizer and dinner are to be served cold, the linguini can be hot or cold.  For dessert, simply place one of the peach halves on a plate, top it with the whipped cream. You can even drizzle some of the juice over it.” She instructed him as she finished wiping down the counter.  

“Fruit for dessert?” Ransom sounded off put.  

“You said light, so I went for it.” Tawney replied, rolling up her knives.  She looked up and saw him standing there, staring at her.  “It’ll be good, I promise.” She reassured him. With her steps quickening, she headed for the door, not wanting to be around when his friends showed up.  She could barely stand him.  Or his female company.  She hated to see what his friends were like.

“Tea,” Ransom stopped her as she gripped the doorknob to leave.  She winced, wondering what else could possibly need her attention.  She was surprised when she turned back to see him standing there with his hand outstretched to her, and a $50 bill in between his fingers.  She eyed the money, then looked back up at him.  “Just take it.”

              She was suspicious, almost scared even.  But that $50 was already spent in her mind, she was already calculating which bill to put it towards.  Fixing her AC unit, filling her gas tank, putting it towards rent, so many things.  So many things that a measly $50 didn’t cover.  But it would help.  She licked her lips, cursing at herself in her mind as she took the money from him.  Was this a tip?  Would she owe him her life after taking that money?  She grimaced at the idea of him rubbing her face in it, but it was too late, the money was in her hand.  

“See you tomorrow.” He bid her goodbye, like nothing had changed.  He had to have been used to handing money to many people, valets, waiters, hopefully his gardener who was practically melting in that heat.  She stepped out, tossing the idea around of handing the money back to him, but he had closed the door before she could even try.

She looked down at the cash in her hand, feeling a strange combination of anger, guilt, shame and somehow, gratitude. Maybe the money was for entertaining him in some sick way.  She didn’t want his money, she wanted to get her life back on track.

Previous chapter here.

CATS: 1998 vs 2019

Alright, going to do this already.  Note: these are my personal opinions.  Intelligent rebuttals will be considered and replied to, anything else may likely be ignored.  Also spoilers, and LONG.  So onward to a comparison of the 2019 movie against the 1998 filmed stage version.

Edit before posting: Apparently I never queued this.  I feel a little silly now

Plot/Framing:  The use of an abandoned Victoria to frame the introduction of the plot of the Jellicle Ball and Munkustrap acting as narrator/guide to Victoria is a decent idea, and one that worked fairly well.  Granted, when you take a book of poems and turn them into songs, it’s a little hard to create plot for a musical, but inspiration comes from everywhere.  Victoria is a pretty blank slate for directors to work with, so having her be the framing vehicle is a really good idea.  She’s the white cat, the dancer, doesn’t have any specific lines of dialogue or song attached originally.

I think that Munkustrap didn’t have enough presence in the movie.  He’s the primary narrator, he needs to be someone we want to pay attention to, not just because he’s the one who happens to be singing or speaking at the moment.  Maybe it’s a difference in how the two versions were filmed, and the focus was a little more on Victoria as our window into the world of Jellicle Cats, but I didn’t catch myself looking for him, or even noticing him in some shots, and you want your main source of information to be someone/thing you’re aware of, if only to see the mood of the scene.

“Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats” and “The Naming of Cats”: I thought the pacing was a touch fast, but I can understand trying to get all the material of the musical to fit into a film.  Same with the cut lines here, and it did flow very well for the most part.

Having each cat introduce themselves via their song, and thus their entry into the competition for the Jellicle Choice, is interesting, and it does give a reason for not doing either the songs “The Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles,” or “Growltiger's Last Stand,” as they are the Jellicles entertaining each other in “play within a play” scenes.  It also gives Growltiger a reason to be a villian/henchman of Macavity’s, by using a snippet of his song during one of the capture sequences.

“The Old Gumbie Cat”: I was not happy.  Rebel Wilson is an amazing singer and actress, and I was very much looking forward to her interpretation of Jennyanydots.  What I saw was a petulant, whiny brat, instead of the example of Edwardian do-gooder.  Also, the mouse costumes were ridiculously bad, and the replication of the cockroaches was just showing off CGI work for no real effect.

“The Rum Tum Tugger”: No.  Why would you use this version, it’s a trainwreck?  And the music choice made no sense!  Jazz by itself would have been fine, but as far as the hip-hop/rap elements go?  Are we trying to make the timeframe screwy?  I miss the rockstar Tugger.

“Grizabella: The Glamour Cat”: Alright, Jennifer Hudson is amazing.  That said, I don’t think she made sense as a casting choice.  Grizabella is older, she’s past her prime and her singing should have more of that age and grit to it that shows her experience.  If you’re going to use someone younger, at least put some convincing age makeup on her, and choose a singer who has a huskier tone.

“Bustopher Jones”: James Cordon did a very good job to make this about more than a cat who eats his way through life, though I’m not sure about his scavenging through the trash.  He’s supposed to get huge amounts from the gentlemen’s clubs he attends, I would have thought the proper attitude of “the St. James’ Street cat” would not allow for his digging in the garbage.  And the sensitivity about his weight was stupid.

“Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer”: Perfect.  The mischief makers in their element, and Victoria having to deal with the fact that they can be not nice cats, it works.

“Old Deuteronomy”: Judi Dench was an interesting choice for the role, but it works.  There are some slight differences that come with having a matriarch for the Jellicle tribe instead of a patriarch, and they were handled with grace.  It also is a way to give Dame Dench a role in Cats that fits her experience, since her injury during the rehearsals for the original London opening meant her planned dual roles didn’t happen.

“The Jellicle Ball”: The dancing was nice, and I liked the way several other cats became more than faces in the crowd during it.

“Memory(Prelude)”: Again, I just don’t think Jennifer Hudson has the age for this to work.  Beautiful rendition though.

“Beautiful Ghosts”: A Victoria solo.  Huh.  It makes sense, given that Victoria is the primary viewpoint character in this version, for her to have something of her own.  And it’s a pretty little song.

“The Moments of Happiness”: It doesn’t have quite the impact it should, since the only real witness to Deuteronomy is Victoria here.  It works better when the entire clan is being given this lesson, even if most of them don’t understand it yet.

“Gus: The Theatre Cat”:  Ian McKellan, ladies and gents, in a role that suits his age and expertise?  I almost don’t miss Jellylorum.  Also the lead up to it, with him giving some words of wisdom to a fellow performer?  Yes, and yes!

“Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat”: The vocals and dancing went very well, but I kept getting distracted by the costume.  What’s up with that facial hair and the suspenders?  Also, the way the scenery shifted during this song where it never had with any other Jellicle performance.  More questions than answers here.

“Macavity: The Mystery Cat”:  Hoo boy.  Where to begin?  Making Bombalurina one of Macavity’s cronies sits a little funny with me, but I understand the logistics behind the choice.  The one place though, the one place that lyrics should absolutely have been changed in the entire show and you MISSED IT!?!?!?!?  Idris Elba is not a ginger cat, there is no way to make him a ginger cat, and you didn’t try to make him a ginger cat, so why does the song define him as one?  You couldn’t try, I don’t know: “Macavity’s a midnight cat/ He’s very tall and trim”?? Instead, you call him ginger, and thin.  Ugh.  Also, as much as I love to watch Elba, a lot of the threat of Macavity in the musical comes from the fact that this is the first time he’s been openly on stage, and not just a shadowed figure hiding along the fringe.  Using Macavity often earlier in the movie, having him spirit away the other competitors for the Jellicle choice so obviously, damps down on that.  Shadows crank up anticipation better than overt threats most of the time.  The stage version creates a scarier Macavity, though I’m sorry to say it.

The use of catnip is kind of hilarious as a drug, though I’m a little sad there was no fight between Munkustrap and Macavity, and that the Jellicles all came under Macavity’s power so easily.  Little annoyed that Griddlebone and Bombalurina seem to just melt away after the song, but understanding not wanting to use T Swift for “lesser” plot type issues.

“Magical Mr. Mistoffelees”: Mistoffelees is adorable here. This show is as much him coming into his powers and abilities as it is introducing Victoria to what it means to be a Jellicle.  His attempts, as he tries again and again to bring back Deuteronomy, are laced with just enough desperation that he’s trying his hardest without making it overacting.  The final success, when he’s sure he’s failed utterly, is so very sweet.

“Memory”: Same critique as before.  The thing about Grizabella’s songs is that they are reminiscing.  Looking back on a more golden youth.  Crying for understanding that those without experience in the shades of gray life throws at you won’t have.  It’s significant that Victoria (or Jemima, depending on the rendition) reach out to her, but Deuteronomy is the only one who has no problem with her, even from the get-go.  You need someone with either a hell of a shitstorm life experience, or just plain experience to get that.

“The Journey to the Heavyside Layer”: I liked the transition of the broken chandelier into a balloon carrying away Grizabella.  Little confused at Macavity’s loss of power, but okay.

“The Ad-dressing of Cats”: Deuteronomy addressing the crowd certainly brings the magical nature of cats to the fore, leaving the audience wondering how long she and the rest of the Jellicles have been aware of our view into their world.  I liked how when she was describing the food gifts a person can give to their cat, all of those surrounding her got excited.

Costuming: Just bodysuits and CGI ears, tails, and whiskers do not turn people into convincing cats.  The giant wigs of the stage show, while an 80′s throwback to the extreme, also change the profile of the face to better mimic a feline skull.  I get it, having that poof would have been annoying with having to deal with the CGI ears, having to compensate for every fur twitch, but still!  Also, nobody’s fur had any significant fluff amount to it whatsoever, it was all extra elements, like the coats and other accessories, but you could have used the legwarmers and armwarmers of the stage show give a better illusion of volume to fur.  Having everyone be sleek shorthairs is boring.  To my mind, the makeup was not convincing enough either.

Final thoughts: The movie version was okay, casting choices were decent for the most part, but I have to say that all together, I prefer the 1998 version.  It could also be that the actors for the filmed stage version had been doing these roles for some time and it shows, especially in movements.  Don’t get me wrong, the movie actors are good at their jobs, but there’s a difference in living a role for months or perhaps years during a stage run, tweaking things each performance, research and changing your approach, and making a movie, trying things only to have to move on to the next shot.

on lukes moment of weakness and how it is fitting for luke  among other comments

Personally I TOTALLY believe that George's Luke would have been VERY similarly to Rian's Luke.

And here is the reason why.... Luke has almost always been George's insert (lucas pronunced luke S )  and it makes total sense for Luke to be "exiled" and secluded away just as George became with Star Wars after the backlash of the prequels. But at the end of it, he comes back and stands up for what makes Star Wars what it is. Which is what Luke does for the Jedi and themes of Star Wars by the end of TLJ. He has learned from his mistakes, atoned for them, found redemption, confronted those he has failed, inspired hope, and learned to show compassion once again.

Now while George may have done it differently, I do believe that Luke being in exile was a metaphor for George's own relationship with Star Wars and its fandom.

www . reddit . com/r/StarWars/comments/ebb4f3/lukes_momentaneous_thought_of_killing_ben_solo/

I know I'm stepping on dangerous territory here by talking about The Last Jedi, and I only do this because I think this is an interesting take on a key moment of the movie. Just bear in mind that I do not intend to make my point-of-view the absolute truth of it. After all, this is just my opinion.

We all know very well how divisive Episode VIII was, with many people pationately hating that movie. One of the main reasons of complaint is the fact Luke Skywalker had attempted to kill his apprentice and nephew, Ben Solo, because he sensed the Dark Side to be too strong in the latter. Luke Skywalker, the only person in the entire galaxy that saw there was still light in Darth Vader, tried to kill his relative. When even Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda had lost all hope Anakin could be saved, Luke helped putting him on the path of redemption, helping Vader turn back to the Light and fulfill the prophecy of the Chosen One. It seems to be an insult that this same character gave up on his nephew so easily and tried to kill him.

I believe things must be analyzed more carefully.

I've just finished marathoning the Skywalker Saga (by the way, I STRONGLY recommend the Ersnt Rister order: IV-V-I-II-III-VI) and noticed something very interesting while watching Return Of The Jedi.

During the final moments of Luke and Vader's duel aboard the Death Star II, we see the young Jedi Knight wants to avoid fighting his father so as not to fall in the trecharous web of Palpatine, who wants to turn the young Skywalker to the Dark Side. Luke is hiding beneath the Emperor's throne. Vader chases him and, through the Force, reads Luke's thoughts to lure him into confrontation:

You cannot hide forever, Luke. Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for... sister! So, you have a twin sister!

In this moment, we see Luke's face and he's completely terrified by the idea Darth Vader found out about his sister. It is something new and Luke fears for Leia's well-being. Also, we hear from Vader's words that he cares a lot about his friends, the people he loves. Vader continues:

Your feelings have now betrayed her too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side, THEN PERHAPS SHE WILL!

Now we have something different. Since he was brought before the Emperor, Luke had been constatly confronted by Palpatine and Vader with the idea of him turning to the Dark Side. When Vader talks about the possibility of that happening to Leia, it's not a threat directed to him, but to someone he loves. In this moment, Luke loses it completly and attacks Vader viciously, totally enraged. The Sith Lord can't stand the power of his son, fuelled by hate and falls to the ground, defeated. In this moment Luke is prepared to make the final blow, but then he hears Palpatine laughing and clapping. This makes him go back to his senses and realize what he's been doing. He then turns off his lightsaber and refuses to kill his father.

"I'm a Jedi, like my father before me" and so on... we know what happens, so let's fast-forward to The Last Jedi.

When Luke is confronted by Rey, who demands him to tell what had happened between him and Kylo Ren, we learn how things unfolded through Luke's perspective:

I saw darkness. I sensed it building in him. I'd seen it in moments during his training. But then I looked inside, and it was beyond what I ever imagined.

In this moment of the flashback we see Luke's hand reaching out to his lightsaber, almost unconsciously. He then proceeds:

. He would bring destruction and pain and death, AND THE END OF EVERYTHING I LOVE BECAUSE OF WHAT HE WILL BECOME, AND FOR THE BRIEFEST MOMENT OF PURE INSTINCT, I THOUGHT I COULD STOP IT.

Here it is again. Like in Episode VI, we see Luke reacting in a similar way by the notion of something posing a threat not to him, but to the people he loves and cares about. Luke feared Ben would destroy everything he cherished, just like Vader had threatened by turning Leia to the dark. And, just like in the OT, it was a passing shadow:

It passed like a fleeting shadow, and I was left with shame and with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose Master had failed him.

I've already written way more than I expected, so I'll just conclude here. I've realized the act Luke commits in the Sequels is the same (or at least VERY similar) as from the OT: he attempted to kill Vader then his nephew, out of fear of seeing what/who he loved destroyed. He repented and managed to stop himself in the act in both situations. And he was ashamed. So, at least regarding this point of the movie, I see the same Luke Skywalker.

(luke had more to lose now then he did before 

another example which I saw dont remember where I saw it  but I saved the comments unfortunately I didnt put in the links:

edit: (now I remember www . reddit . com/r/StarWars/comments/9a3hdl/)

Luke considered killing Ben for about two seconds in a vulnerable moment

Sort of like he almost got baited into killing Vader by a few mocking words, and cut the hand off his own father in blind rage.

Luke is still just a person. If we've learned anything in Star Wars it's that the Jedi are not superhuman paragons of virtue and perfection, no matter how they might appear to the unwashed masses in the SW universe. They have the same flaws, temptations, failures, etc as anyone else. Yes the Force can help them overcome some of this, but they're far from perfect. Luke could have, and I agree should have grown in a positive way, but it's not impossible or even unbelievable that he didn't. He just had his life's labor wiped out in front of him and blamed himself for it. All those years of finding lost Jedi knowledge and artifacts, being what he believed to be the last Jedi in the universe with the responsibility to restart the order on his shoulders alone. All those lives that he took under his protection and guidance as the Master of the new order, wiped out in one night. Because of him (at least in his mind). Everything he was working towards for years just totally undone in a few hours and it was all his fault.

So he leaves and says fuck the whole lot of it. He lives by himself, stews in his misery and regret, retreats into himself and rejects the most foundational principle of the whole concept of being a Jedi: to help people. He's the most powerful Force user alive and he's wasting away by himself on some desolate rock, swearing off the rest of the galaxy because he thinks that he's a failure, that he wasn't strong or good enough, that he can't win, that it's not even worth it to try anymore, and that even at the height of his wisdom and power, it was all undone, and by himself no less.

another comment

Stuff has changed, I mean he’s quicker to come to his senses. I wouldn’t call that his flaw though. His flaw is one of his greatest traits, his care for his friends and family. It’s a flaw cause it causes implusive actions, lashing out on Vader, leaving Yoda, a single thought that he could stop a horrible fate in Ben.

I personal struggle with a temptation in my life, a temptation to do something my faith says is wrong to do. I may have overcome it some days, but other days, whether the same circumstances or not, I might fall into it. Temptations are a constant battle, not a one and done thing. Flaws are similar, you don’t just grow past a flaw after one instance.

Because a day may come when you will brought face-to-face with that temptation or flaw again, but the circumstances will be different, and it won’t be so easy to overcome.

You mentioned Toy Story in a post, and that’s a decent example when it comes to one facet. Woody might not get jealous when another flashy toy comes along that gets more attention like Buzz did.

A better example of the nagging of a temptation, like Luke dealt with, is in Lord of the Rings. The Ring is a constant temptation to the bearer and those around them. At least by the film, Frodo may have resisted the urge to use it under the tree, but he still was tempted to use it at other times, and it was a constant battle. Same with Bilbo. Bilbo held the ring for 60 years. And the temptation of it held him greatly. He drops the Ring in Bag End, letting it go. If he was viewed similarly to how people viewed Luke tossing the saber, that’d mean he freed himself from it’s grasp and from the temptation to take and use it. We see in Rivendell that isn’t the case for him. He has a moment of wanting to take it back, and even at the end of his time in Middle Earth, he inquires about it, although more innocently curious.

That would be more similar to Luke’s case. To fall to the dark is a constant temptation that Jedi should always be aware of, and if you get close at one point, there’s the possibility that it’ll happen again, and if you aren’t prepared or it comes in a different form, you’ll either fall or get really close.

That turned out longer than I meant it, but I see this idea and..it’s just not the case.

another comment 

Just because you get older doesn't mean you necessarily get wiser and better.

Jedi are still people (and some aliens, but you get the meaning), and the prequels (and even the OT) showed that even the oldest and wisest among the Jedi were capable of mistakes and misjudgments.

I think it's unreasonable to assume Luke should have become incapable of making, or even repeating mistakes and succumbing to emotion.

Right because people only get better as they get older and we grow past our flaws and doubts permanently right?

You guys are weird.

Luke overcame that moment of doubt before he almost struck Vader down and you think what ....... Luke got some kind of videogame like powerup where that character flaw would never come back again?

Some of you have a very black and white (boring) opinion on life and human growth.

Spoiler: People have flaws, we don't all overcome those flaws.Your boy Luke is no exception.

Consider what nearly proved to be his downfall in Return of the Jedi: for all the Emperor's taunting about the Rebel Alliance's imminent demise, it was Darth Vader who finally pushed his Berserk Button by discovering that Leia was his twin sister and suggesting that if Luke didn't change sides, he and his master might have better luck turning her. Then, when Luke went berserk, it totally worked: he curb-stomped Darth Vader and still didn't go evil in the end. His father's killing off the Emperor also put an end to a whole lot of the Empire's evil and birthed the New Republic.

Flash forward thirty years, and once again someone is threatening everyone and everything Luke loves, and killing the guy would surely preempt a whole lot of trouble. In his heart of hearts, he doubtless remembers what Yoda taught him about how easy and seductive the Dark Side is, but he also remembers how Yoda's mistake of hiding the truth about his lineage from him nearly brought his downfall. He also remembers how killing the Emperor solved so many problems the way he'd better not try to solve them this time... Well, what's so tempting about that?

Luke had more to lose at this time. He knew what a relatively free, peaceful Galaxy looked like, and had other students to care for besides Ben. Instinctively, he was acting out of concern for them. Luke makes an important point when he gives Rey the truth: it is a split second. Luke is a hero, but he's human. He was impulsive and acted on instinct in his youth, so the fear of Ben turning is enough to push him to the edge for a second.

hopeforben . tumblr . com/post/623000635980333056/theres-a-significant-portion-of-the-fandom-that/embed

@emeraldspiral​ 

@daughter-of-water​

@someoneintheshadow456​

I've been trying to figure out why I dont like Caduceus and your last meta reply got me closer to figuring it out. Like, I've been trying to like him, or at least figure why I dont, and describing him as 'a good person who doesnt have the self awareness to realize hes a jerk' I think got close to my issue with him, so thanks for the Good Meta

This is in response to this post, which I know some people agreed with very strongly and which made some other people very upset.  I’m glad it clicked with you, at least, and that it helped clarify some Cad stuff for you!

I think that a very big thing about Taliesin’s characters across the board, for me, is how intensely judgy they have the capacity to be.  In many ways, Caduceus is less judgmental than Percy or Molly, which is a fascinating thing to think about.  And I have found that fascinating since pretty much my second or third episode of Critical Role, because so much of that judgment tends to be couched in, ‘I judge you for not accepting other people the way I think you should’.  Percy loves Keyleth but also thinks she’s naive, too idealistic about what people ought to be rather than acknowledging and planning for the flaws he’s sure he knows they have.  Molly dresses and talks and walks and presents himself in such a flamboyant way specifically to elicit reactions, specifically so he can decide who to write off completely and not worry about any more.  In both cases it’s this super-interesting, incredibly relatable picture of a person who judges other people for their judgments.  

Because Critical Role is such a long-form show, we got to see Percy be proven right and be proven wrong, we got to see him smug and we got to see him humble, and we got to see a lot of different angles on both his standards (what other people ought to be doing) and his stubbornness (how ready he was to dismiss people who didn’t meet them).  Because we lost Molly so early, we only really got to start scratching the surface of his assumptions and certainties, and one of my biggest regrets is that we didn’t get to explore them so much more.  In both cases, that stubborn sureness--I know how the world works, better than anybody around me--was one of my favorite parts of the character.  It’s such an interesting flaw, because it wasn’t always detrimental.  Both Percy and Molly were often right, or at least they acted in line with their assumptions and the universe responded how they expected, and the team benefited from it.  Both of them had a certain amount of ‘and it’s our job to be decent to other people’ as part of that worldview, which really helped in making them likable.  Both of them made sense, which led to the (for me) really great cognitive experience of, “okay, I agree with this character, but also I don’t think they’re the ultimate authority they believe themself to be!  but I do think they’re right!  but maybe they shouldn’t be so sure they’re right!”  I find internal narrative conflict like that extremely compelling, and in particular the exploration of being judgmental about other people’s judgment resonates with me a lot.

So I’ve been waiting for cracks and criticisms with Caduceus, because I suspected from very early on that he, too, would be Extremely Sure He Understands How the World Works At All Times.  I have been looking for the places he Knows He’s Right, and I’ve been eating them up.

Cad’s certainties are completely different than Percy’s and Molly’s, but once again, it’s incredibly difficult to say he’s wrong.  He believes in fate--well, if you declare that everything that happens was supposed to happen, how is it ever possible to say he’s wrong?  He believes Melora is watching and guiding and wants for him to do things--it’s D&D, she literally is watching (and if she happens to be a lot less invested in any specific outcome than Caduceus thinks, she’s not about to tell him so).  He believes he has a job, has a purpose.  Because it’s D&D, because it’s a story, because the story needs to go places and as the PCs it’s their job to do things to get there, on a very real meta level he’s literally correct.  

He thinks that his job and his purpose is to help people--and how can we say he’s wrong?  How can we say he shouldn’t try to be a good person, try to help?  And he’s doing his best, and his best so often does help, and when it doesn’t, then it’s not his fault because there are other circumstances.  It’s almost impossible to argue with that.  Objectively, Caduceus is doing his best.  Objectively, in many cases it is helpful.

And yet, that doesn’t mean that Caduceus objectively knows the best way to help in every situation--which even he readily admits.  It doesn’t mean Caduceus necessarily knows the “best” way to help even in the situations where he is helpful.

Because right, the other thing about D&D is, Caduceus fundamentally cannot be the Sole Correct Authority on Everything, no matter how much sense his sureness makes.  He literally can’t be, because Tal is one of eight people at that table, and he’s not the one running the world.  He can be absolutely justified in being mad at Nott, which he absolutely is, and it still isn’t a universal truth that Caduceus Is Right and Nott Is Wrong.  There are no universal truths at that table.  Not even Matt has universal truths, not about what characters think or feel or do, not about moral absolutism.

(I’m someone who gets really twitchy around people who are Extremely Sure.  I’ve known a disproportionate number of them in real life, and I’ve got very specific instinctive skills for not pissing them off that I occasionally wish I hadn’t had to develop.  Part of turning from a conflict-averse 20-year-old into a grown-ass adult on my part has involved learning not to automatically agree that the universe must work a certain way, just because a very smart, very sure person who makes sense says so.  Part of it’s involved learning not to be that very sure person myself.  

I think I grab at moments when Caduceus very clearly isn’t 100% correct because of that.  I love the fact that, in Critical Role, we have this multi-layered, many-voiced story proving that even if a character is right, they’re not necessarily the bearer of Objective Universal Truth.  Rather than a story where it feels like the author and the universe are trying to make me agree with one person, it’s a story where a character can be right and not right from a thousand different directions at the same time.  (Which, if nothing else, makes the story and the character feel so much safer to me.))

Caduceus is a little bit passive-aggressive sometimes, going back to Caduceus and Nott and the original discussion of that other post.  And, right, he wants to avoid conflict within the group so he doesn’t make a big deal out of certain things, and just like all of his opinions, it’s hard to say he’s wrong in that.  And he has every right and reason and justification for having emotions about some of the many very big things that have happened to him lately.  He’s right (he’s not wrong) about a lot of things.  He’s actually really good about recusing himself from situations where he doesn’t have the background or knowledge to be right at least to his own standards.

The thing that has me calling Caduceus a little childish is that he’s so utterly disinclined to acknowledge the possibility of nuance.  He knows how to help Fjord (he’s decided that he knows how to help Fjord), so he does.  He doesn’t know how to help Nott, so he doesn’t.  We’ve never seen him take so much as a moment to consider whether or not he’s right in his assessment of his ability to help in either case.  And yeah, to me that does feel a little immature.  It’s not that he’s got a philosophy and he sticks to it, it’s that he lacks the self-awareness to even acknowledge the blind spots it might give him, let alone try to amend them.

And that’s okay.  Acknowledging that Caduceus might possibly be a little bit of a hypocrite, a little judgy, a little wrong in his mental image of the universe and his place in it, makes him so much more interesting.  It makes him a person.  Not an infallible mouthpiece from God; not a perfect sage holding all the wisdom of the ages.  He’s a good person, trying to do his best.  

He’s a good character, because he’s an examination of how all these traits both hinder and sometimes help his attempts to be a good person.  Stubborn certainty got the M9 up on their feet after Yasha left, comforted Fjord away from U’kotoa, saved a tribe of giants.  Caduceus is multifaceted, and the game is multifaceted, and the very same characteristics can be great in one situation and a real problem in another, just like life.

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina:  Main Characters

Let’s begin with a breakdown and my overall reactions to the main characters of this series shall we?  Over all, I like alot of them, the actors for many are skilled and their skills make everything else bearable to be honest.  But narrative wise, they have a lot of issues.

Harvey:  Nice guy, he comes off heavily naive and just Sabrina’s man puppet toy right off the bat.  He’s oblivious to the fact Sabrina is a witch, as he should so his reactions seem normal, but he is overly forgiving at times.  Personality wise he comes off as weak-willed and easily manipulated, which he is, his best reactions for me, have been when he broke it off with Sabrina, because he was tired of the horrors she often unleashed into his life.  Many of which he eventually just forgave or was forced to “get over it” which, for one particular event, his brother, felt so jarring.  A lot of the time he felt like a caricature of a male rather then a real person.

Roz: At first she was insufferable, she came off as a typical woke feminist type of character you want to see vanish into some narrative void and never come back.  She only really became more like a real person after she loses her eyesight and then, even after regaining it, she continued to be an actual person and not some tumblr activist insert.  I like her more then Sabrina which, says a hell of a lot.

Theo: Now, I’m all for having characters who explore their transgenderism in a show, and a show like this, could have the space if we had LESS characters taking up space.  There’s so much going on, so many subplots and side-quests going on off screen, or in the background that at times in many episodes it’s clogged and muddled and I felt it just took away from this experience.  For what it was, it was great and Theo is a fun character, who came into their own and kept challenging gender stereotypes in the show.  This was sort of weird considering the muddled time-frame the show takes place in, but we’ll get to that later.  Over all I liked Theo and her transformation from Susie to Theo.  I felt they needed less going on to really give this a fair shake to be honest, though.  Alot of it got lost in the supernatural world ending apocalyptic events unfolding in the next scene stole alot of power and impact from this and made it feel in places, tossed in for woke points.  Which I didn’t like because the parts we did see were well written imo.

Auntie Hilda: I love this character.  She is bubbly, loving, sweet, kind, and will shank you in your sleep if you come for her family.  She is so warm and a great chef, she is always supporting her family despite the abuse from her sister.  Whom she loves dearly.  She got a lot of screen time but not much of it was exploring her as a character as much as they gave to other characters.  When she started breaking out to have her own life I was thrilled, she found love and was happy.  She deserved it, I loved seeing her find happiness away from the family she is virtually slave too.

Aunt Zelda: So, over all I kinda like her for her assertive and constant devotion to family, (mostly how she verbally whips Sabrina at times because she deserves it so much).  Besides that she left no real impressions on me other then narrative issues we will get too later but the jist of it is, she way to easily hurls life long beliefs into the trash on a whim.  I’m all for characters who are adaptive but when it’s your life-long religion you threw everything of yourself into...you just don’t shrug it off say “ah well who cares” and move on like you broke your favorite mug.

Ambrose: He is a fun and knowledgeable character but unfortunately he suffers from being a man in a show about women, whose writers clearly have severe slants that show like glaring plot holes.  His wisdom is often ignored or he is laughed off at times for “haha being a stupid MAN, what’s he know!”.  In the start Sabrina often gets helpful advice from him, and sometimes followed it, he was valued then, somewhat.  But as the show progresses he is ignored more and more as a valuable confidant and becomes just another male character who doesn’t really have self-agency alot of the time.  By the end of the 3rd season he is pretty much laughed off as just “a man who doesn’t know anything.”

Father Blackwood: He is so evil he makes the DEVIL seem tame.  I love him as a villain, he is so devious and vile.  I enjoy how he keeps being a villain.  He is well written and evil, like and evil cult leader should be.

Lilith: She is such a fantastic manipulator in this show that really shows her power and ability to walk a tight-rope between truth and lying.  She is murderous, and ensures Sabrina commits the worst corrupting crimes in the entire book while also giving her plenty of openings to just...not do what she says.  The dynamic between her desire to be free of Lucifer’s abuses and being her own entity seeking her own goals and agency.  She in my opinion, is basically the hero of this show, unintentionally.  Michelle Gomez really brings her to life and lends a magnificent personality to the character, she brings Lilith life in a way that makes her more sympathetic then the main character.  Gomez’s expert acting talents for me, really brought the character to life.

Sabrina: Ahh the wart on the boil.  At first she was actually relatable, decent, and sympathetic.  But she over the course of the show’s seasons became increasingly unbearable as a terrible person without any good traits.  She went from being a normal teenage girl to being an insufferable child with such an over-inflated ego that it begs belief that she can walk without keeling over.  Really this change is most noticeable between season 2 and 3, she changes from being a manipulated child wanting her independence from THE DEVIL’S OPPRESSION AND SLAVERY TO HIS WILL, to, thinking if she demands the universe bend the knee, it will just happen.  Sabrina is perhaps the most oblivious character in the entire show, as well as the least intelligent, without any sense of nuance, masquerading as a character who has a moral compass (she doesn’t), nor does she have foresight.  She’s pretty much become a character that is a typical arrogant teenager who thinks they already know everything and doesn’t need anyone’s help, ever, except she constantly needs hand-holding.  She’s dumb, easily mislead, arrogant, self-absorbed, and values no one’s advice but her own, even as she abuses her romantic partners and ignores their plights because her own little problems are more important.  If ever you could watch a character pretend to be the hero but is actually the worst villain in the entire show, it is this ones.  Good gods is she the best villain that doesn’t realize she actually is the villain.  I honestly loathe Sabrina because of how unintentionally dumb and vapid she is, good lord, she just commands other characters to do her character development for her, instead of doing it herself, while she runs off to pull other plot points together and somehow we are supposed to root for her when every time she gets yelled at and broken down, it’s so enjoyable because she absolutely deserves it.  My one moment of utter loathing for Sabrina had to come from when her boyfriend came back from literal Hell.  He sacrificed his soul and body to save the world and Sabrina by being the prison Lucifer gets sealed into, then dragged into Hell where he was debased, violated and abused daily by Lilith for a good while.  Shocking when he came back from Hell with PTSD and horrifying nightmares and Sabrina, ignored his needs and plights as unimportant because “something something, it’s not about me”.  Then she yells at him that his suffering doesn’t matter because she is busy.  Sure, it was important what she was doing but Nick didn’t deserve to be told to fuck off and his suffering was just not important to her to deal with at the time and she could have either waited or delegated it to some other character for awhile and help her boyfriend she claims to love, deal with his issues that are destroying him.  But no, it wasn’t worth her time.  She is despicable.

Lucifer:  I love Luke Cook’s devil.  Albeit the Devil is...the devil...what do ya know the PRINCE OF LIES is evil...shocking.  But Cook makes him fun and enjoyable to see as an evil entity.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. *. •.°

┊┊┊┊

┊┊┊☆

☁️

┊┊

┊┊┊

┊┊

┊☆

┊┊

☁️

┊

☁️

╭──────────.★..─╮

Table of Contents

I. General Information

II. Personality information

III. Weapons & Abilities/Skills

IV. Design

V.Relationships

VI. Backstory

VII.Theme song

╰─..★.──────────╯

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

╭──︒✿ཾ∘∗✽ᜒࠬ. ──╮

I.General Information

╰──︒✿ཾ∘∗✽ᜒࠬ. ──╯

ıllıllı-Designation-ıllıllı

‹Divewing›

ıllıllı-Height-ıllıllı

‹34ft tall›

ıllıllı-Age-ıllıllı

‹3,000,000. Acts 24-human years›

ıllıllı-Gender-ıllıllı

‹Femme›

ıllıllı-Sexuality-ıllıllı

‹Heterosexual›

ıllıllı-Occupation-ıllıllı

‹Depends on the role-play›

ıllıllı-Homeworld-ıllıllı

‹Cybertron›

ıllıllı-Creation Type-ıllıllı

‹Cold Constructed›

ıllıllı-Faction-ıllıllı

‹Autobots(former Decepticon)›

ıllıllı-Rank-ıllıllı

‹Seeker(Formally)›

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

╭┄┄┄┄┄ೋღ❦ღೋ

II.Personality Information

ೋღ❦ღೋ┈┈┈┈┈╯

-ˏˋ-Good Qualities-ˊˎ-

‹1.Clever›-Divewing is very clever, being one to learn quick and understand. She will even apply her own ideas to ones plan if their plan seems faulty and could cost them the mission.

‹2.Humorous›-She often likes to make jokes here and there when she is around others. She usually does this when there are those having a down day.

‹3.Compassionate›-Divewing is compassionate when it comes to her friends and others in danger. But she tries her best to hide this side of her the best she can.

‹4.Ambitious›-Divewing is ambitious most of the time when on missions because she absolutely hates being a failure. So, she can be determined to succeed.

‹5.Obedient›-She is an Obedient femme, meaning she will follow orders and listen to her superiors, no questions asked.

-ˏˋ-Bad Qualities-ˊˎ-

‹1.Aggressive›-Divewing has a high temper and a lot of things can set her off most of the time. Such as people talking bad to her about her past, or if someone aggravates her, pushes her buttons to the point where her aggression can and will click.

‹2.Naughty›-There are many definitions for this word "Naughty", and well Divewing's type of naughty is that she can be very seductive, lewd, and she usually pulls this stunt to get that she wants.

‹3.Blunt›-Meeting her for the first time, Diveing will always be blunt and rude the first few conversations meaning she acts as if she wants to push those close to her away from her problems.

‹4.Killjoy›-Divewing isn't that much of a killjoy since she'd like others to experience what she did. However, if it's people she doesn't like and can't tolerate she will spoil literally everything for him.

‹5.Dishonest›-She is a dishonest person alright, during her time as a Decepticon all she did was tell lies to her superiors. But unlike most lying bots she showed confidence in her lies to make most of them think she is being completely honest.

-ˏˋ-Fears-ˊˎ-

‹1.Starscream›-Divewing fears this ruthless and cruel mech because of the things he did to her during her time on Earth. He tortured her. Scarred her. Made sure to leave dent so that she would always remember and never forget what she did.

‹2.The Past›-She doesn't like hearing about her past since it can trigger PTSD meaning she can get aggressive, upset.

‹3.Losing the ability to fly›-This is something that she fears the most because she's come to enjoy flying as it helps her clear her mind, and relax. If this ability is taken away from her she will be devastated.

-ˏˋ-Likes-ˊˎ-

‹1.Making jokes›-She likes to make jokes to try and cheer others up around her, or she tries to make herself laugh if she's feeling down herself.

‹2.Flying›-This is something she has always loved doing ever since her construction. Flying allows her to feel free. Feel relaxed. Feel as if nothing in the world matters but the beauty above the clouds.

‹3.Listening to what humans call music›-Music is something she never got to experience back on Cybertron. But on earth she got experience all sorts of music such as Metal, Country, Rap, and Classic Rock. She found herself liking Classic Rock music since it seemed to fit her style.

‹4. Training›-Divewing likes to practice her shooting here and there when feels rusty and she'll even practice with her sword.

-ˏˋ-Dislikes-ˊˎ-

‹1.Predacons›-Divewing isn't one who likes to be around predacons because she's seen what they are capable of and unless you're a Prime, it's best to keep your distance and not antagonize them.

‹2.Being injured›-She knows no one doesn't like being injured but when she's injured it really messes with her mind because she knows she won't be able to help unless she has healed.

‹3.Losing friends›-Divewing hates it when she loses those close to her. She lost many during the war on Cybertron, and lost a few more when she arrived on Earth. The femme hasn't lost anyone since but if she does she knows it will hurt so much.

‹4.Magnetic fields›-Everyone should know why she hates this, I mean she's made of metal and after that mission that both Breakdown and Airachnid failed let her know what that weapon is capable of.

-ˏˋ-Attractions-ˊˎ-

‹Divewing is attracted to mechs. But she has her preferred sparkmate. She is attracted to a mech who is taller then her, smart, funny, with blue and or red optics. She can also be attracted to mechs who are bulky as Megatron and Optimus Prime(no she isn't attracted to them).›

-ˏˋ-Overall Personality-ˊˎ-

‹Divewing is a very challenging person to get to know since she pushes mostly everyone away from her circle. She doesn't socialize with others that much and when she is, she can be very blunt with her words. But when it comes to something she wants, the femme can be very seductive and naughty to get what she wants. However if you are someone who is close to her, Divewing will not only show compassion but she will protect those who mean a lot to her. She sometimes drinks to get away from her past, or tries to cut any ties that could remind her of who she was in the past.›

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

╭──︒✿ཾ∘∗✽ᜒࠬ. ──╮

III.Weapons and Abilities/Skills

╰──︒✿ཾ∘∗✽ᜒࠬ. ──╯

.•° ✿ °•.

Weapons

‹Divewing has many weapons but with her being a seeker she follows after the second in command of the Decepticon cause, Starscream when it comes to her weaponry. When in Jet mode she can fire slow rate machine guns and lock on missiles that do take a while before blowing up if it doesn't manage to hit it's target. When in Robot mode however, she has two blasters on the sides of her arms that is her slow rate machine guns when she is in Robot mode. The femme also carries a sword, a sword that she uses when in close quarters combat as this blade is always sharpened, and when she unsheathes it from her back it will give off this red glow around the edges, like the sword is heating up on the sharp ends.›

°•. ✿ .•°

.•° ✿ °•.

Abilities

1.-‹Divewings first ability surrounds flight. When it comes to flying she isn't the best at it but she believes she is decent enough to escape someone, or catch up to someone. When it comes to dodging missiles she is very agile in aerial combat, sometimes transformering and going into hover mode where she could have an easier chance to dodge an incoming missile. She can also be very lethal with her attacks if her aggression is pushed to its limits.›

2.-‹Divewing's second ability surrounds servo to servo combat. She was trained by her mentor, Archangel(a friends OC), and this mech taught her how to properly handle herself when in close quarters combat. He taught her when to strike her opponent but also taught her to not back down. However when her aggression has been pushed she can be very cocky and with that she will lose the fight. Archangel told her about this, but she never learned to control that side of her. Archangel even taught her how to swing a sword properly which is where she gets her skills from but he never finished her training due to events that transpired.›

3.-‹Divewing's third ability surrounds stealth. The seeker is known for her stealth thanks to the humans of course. If she didn't scan the Chinese Jet that was made by humans she wouldn't be able to cloak herself and hide herself from others. This cloaking device gives her the ability to sneak past those undetected in front of her. Not only does this device cloak herself, but it also silences the noises she makes. But using this ability can and will drain most of her energy. If she does decide to shoot, or even speak the cloaking device will shut off.›

4.-‹Divewing's last ability surrounds her seductive side. Now when it comes to this ability of hers it's something she uses to get what she wants when she wants. She may be a heterosexual bot but she doesn't mind seducing a fellow femme to get what she wants. Divewing uses her charm, and this seductive tone to pull the mech and or femme into a trap where she would leave their processer blank and take what ever it is she wanted only to leave them where they stood.›

°•. ✿ .•°

.•° ✿ °•.

Skills

Strength-‹6/10›

Agility-‹ 10/10›

Intelligence-‹6/10›

Charisma-‹10/10›

Common Sense-‹5/10›

Social-‹4/10›

Endurance-‹5/10›

Flexibility-‹8/10›

Wisdom-‹ 2/10›

Tactical-‹ 2/10›

Speed on Land-‹5/10›

Speed in Water-‹2/10›

Speed in Air-‹9/10›

Dominate-‹5/10›

Submissive-‹5/10›

°•. ✿ .•°

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

-ˋˏ-*.·:·.IV.Design·:·.*-ˎˊ-

-ˋˏ-*.·:·.Frame.·:·.*-ˎˊ-

‹Divewings frame is that of a seeker, taking after Starscreams body and but she has a feminine shape to herself. However she looks different from Starscream due to the colors she holds and the different variation she seems to have.›

-ˋˏ-*.·:·.Colors.·:·.*-ˎˊ-

1.Primary-‹A solid black color that gives off a small glare when the sun shines into her primary color.›

2.Secondary-‹A matte red that trails along her wings, and chassis and colors some spots on her helm.›

3.Tertiary-‹Her tertiary is a dark grey, the metal limbs that hide underneath her armor mostly.›

-ˋˏ-*.·:·.Jet mode/Vehicle mode.·:·.*-ˎˊ-

FC-31 stealth fighter Jet

-ˋˏ-*.·:·.Extra details.·:·.*-ˎˊ-

‹Across her arms and legs she has these sharp points that slightly stick out giving her frame a more intimidating towards those who are shorter then her. She has this point on her helm with a yellow light in the center of it and she also has a visor that she uses when in combat to stop anything from coming at her that could shoot out her optics.›

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

ஓ๑♡V.Relationships♡๑ஓ

ஓ๑♡Friends♡๑ஓ

-‹ ›(Sadly she does not have any yet)

ஓ๑♡Amica Endura♡๑ஓ

-‹ ›(N/A)

ஓ๑♡Conjux Endura♡๑ஓ

-‹ ›(N/A)

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

───♡────

VI.Backstory

───♡────

Divewing is a former Decepticon turned Autobot. The day she left the Decepticons was a choice that caused great pain within her but it also gave her something she never had, freedom. Ever since they arrived on Earth, Megatron the Decepticon leader has been craving to exterminate the Autobots even if it meant destroying this planet which Divewing found to be beautiful, very beautiful. Especially when it came to nature as she is a femme who prefers to be left alone and roam the planet to experience everything about it. Joining the Autobots however was hard, most of them never trusted her with anything because of her past and the people she killed during the war on Cybertron. She couldn't handle the hatred she kept getting from them all so, she left and deserted the Autobots to experience this planet's beauty without anyone ordering her to do this, or do that.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

───♡────

Her old Backstory

───♡────

Divewing's story begin on Cybertron that was on the brink of going dead due to the war between the Autobots, and Decepticons. Divewing was cold constructed meaning sparks were produced at such a rapid rate that they had to be stockpiled until new bodies could be constructed; The Divided Self their energies were frozen in photonic crystals, which would be placed inside the new bodies in order to thaw out, hence the term "constructed cold". Back to her story. When Divewing came to be she joined the Decepticon Armada to only become a seeker for Starscreams fleet of seekers. During the war on Cybertron she did a lot of missions with Starscream most of them ending in success, and the ones that didn't succeed the squad of seekers would have to speak to Megatron about their failure. Starscream would get the punishment for the failure as the other ones never got their own punishment from their Lord, and master. As the war raged on Cybertron, their core known as Primus begin to shut off, which indicated that their plant had finally died. Although, when the Autobots left Cybertron and scattered across the galaxy the Decepticons took their warship and left Cybertron a few days after. The Autobots took refuge on a planet called Earth, only a certain amount of Autobots took refuge on the planet, but their were still many more about scattered across the stars. Eventually the Decepticons made their way to Earth in hopes to cyber form it until they discovered Autobot energy signatures on Earth. The Decepticons made their touch down in the middle of the desert on planet Earth as most of them were aware of the indigenous lifeforms here known as humans, and they did not care about the planets lifeforms but Divewing felt differently she might have been a Decepticon but she refuses to attack smaller, and innocent lifeforms. She just hopes that she does not come across any humans, especially if Starscream is present because he'll probably expect her to destroy the human.

After a few weeks of being on this planet called Earth Starscream, and Divewing only went on a certain amount of missions that had no importance to the cause, that was until she found it these missions were kept secret from Megatron, and the other Decepticons aboard the warship. Divewing is more loyal to Starscream, but now she is beginning to have second thoughts about Starscream, the Decepticon Armada, about everything. She never knew the reason to why, or what the Autobots were fighting for but whatever it was she knew that their cause had a better meaning then constant death, destruction, and suffering. Divewing has had her fair share of death, as she has murdered Autobots but she never took enjoyment out of it, but she noticed Starscream, Megatron, and others did enjoy scrapping a few Autobots here, and there. One day when Starscream took Divewing to one of the mines that is stored with energon there Starscream talked to her about getting rid of Megatron so, that he could have control over the Decepticons. Divewing has always agreed on everything with Starscream, but she couldn't so, she stayed quiet throughout the entire time he was talking about murdering their Lord and Master. The femme didn't agree on this plan, she didn't agree on much the Decepticons, or Starscreams plans anymore. However, during their trip to the mine Megatron came onto their communication systems to tell them about how they found something that could lure out the Autobots, meaning capturing the human lifeforms and use them as bait. Yet another plan Divewing didn't agree with, and one that she couldn't take part in but Starscream made her on their way back to the ship and by the time they got there Megatron ordered Starscream to gather a few humans and take them to the coordinates on his navigational systems, and that's exactly what Starscream did. Divewing stayed behind on the warship as she planned to try, and find a way to contact the Autobots so, she made her way to the communication console within the ship as she started leave behind a hidden message that only the Autobots shall receive, but they also couldn't tell who the sender was. "To any Autobots that read this message, the Decepticons are here on Earth and they know you are here too. Megatron plans to grab a few humans, and use them to lure you out of hiding. Please, stop Megatr-" Then her message was cut off as she was found out by Soundwave who knocked her unconscious and cuffed her down on a table in the Medical room.

After a few days of being a prisoner of the Decepticons she was expecting her spark to be extinguished anymoment, anyday. But that never came until Starscream entered the room with a disappointed look on his faceplate, then that look soon turned to a menacing look as he extended out his digits to make them look sharp, and Knockout entered the room to give Starscream a stunner. For hours, days, and weeks Starscream tortured the femme seeker as she has cuts all over her chassis with energon leaking from the slits, and burnt marks from the tazer he hits her with. But one day Starscream didn't attend to torturing, and Divewing heard blaster fire on the other side of the door, then it opened. A Autobot mech by the name of Bumblebee, and a Autobot femme by the name of Arcee were here on this ship accidental, and when the two saw a Decepticon lying on the table with cuts, and burnt marks they were udderly confused, and worried for the femme on the table. So what these two did were unexpected as they helped her off the ship thanks to a mech by the name of Ratchet opened a groundbridge off the ship. But the groundbridge didn't take them to the base as they didn't quite trust the bot they just saved as the portal took them to a secluded spot in the forest, then another portal opened up behind them with Ratchet and his medical kit in hand, and Optimus Prime. The four Autobots saw the damage on the Decepticon femme as Arcee, and Bumblebee explained how they found her, which let Optimus know that she must have betrayed Megatron. Ratchet patched cut after cut, and soon the femme opened her optics an hour later to see that she was surrounded by Autobots.

Divewing was scared, and incredibly vulnerable to attack but they didn't attack her and she didn't know why. Optimus Prime spoke to her about Megatron, and asked her if she had turned her backs on their cause she told them all of what she did and when they heard her say she was the one who gave them the message about the humans being used as bait. They didn't know what to say about this femme, and didn't know to trust her or not yet they did know she has turned against the Decepticons, and Optimus asked her if she would be willing to join their cause and fight for humanity. Divewing hesitated at the question but agreed to join the Autobot cause, and days later she had the Autobot badge on her wings and given the rank of recruit. However during her time with the Autobots they hardly trusted her to be allowed near the groundbridge controls, or allow her to travel out of the base alone.

A week later she finally was aloud to go on a mission with Bumblebee, and Arcee to find any energon mines the Decepticons were occupying, and where they were mining for energon as they were sent to clear it out and take the energonenergon back to base. The three bots cleared it out but Divewing got wreckless, and threw one of the Decepticon troops to a wall that was very sensitive wall as the entire cave begin to shake as walls, and rocks ripped off the cavern walls to only fall down on top of Divewing, Bumblebee, and Arcee but a groundbridge opened in time for them to escape, and so they escaped through the portals that let them back into base. Of course since they survived Arcee got mad and shouted at Divewing, which angered as well because there was no way she could have known that was a soft wall. Optimus explained to Divewing that she cannot be so wreckless during missions as she must play it safe so her, and the team can make it back home. Divewing understood his words but she couldn't follow them, she didn't want to follow any orders anymore. So the next day Divewing was no where to be seen in the base but she did leave a transmission for the Autobots. "I am not betraying any of you, I choose to leave because I do not think I am ready to be a member of a team and I hope most of you can see that. I will come back once I am ready, and if you ever need me at anytime, don't hesitate to contact me. Divewing out."

@zen-drift for making one of the art piece's for my OC here!

Headcanon: Namjoon as your boyfriend

After the Jungkook scenario, I was asked by a cute anon to do the same for Namjoon and here I am, back with another headcanon!

Namjoon as your boyfriend. 

Is there anything purer than that?

Hardly... 

No warnings except excessive fluff.

All credits to gif owners. 

Boyfriend Namjoon

OKAY BUT 

RKive 

Bye

He probably got you the cuddliest and softest blanket there is for the times when you’re over in his studio which is (always) often 

When you fall asleep on his couch during late nights and he turns around, you can actually hear his heart shatter to a million pieces 

like

literally

Will stand up and walk up to you to cover you properly 

While leaning forward and pressing his lips against your forehead 

Gently pushes one stray strand of hair out of your face, stroking it and tracing your features with his fingertips 

He is always in a trace when he looks at you because to him you are the most beautiful creature in the world 

this boy is so weak for you it’s not even funny anymore 

The smile on his face 

In all its dimpled glory 

but 

Love equals clumsiness 

So watch out 

especially during the beginning when he’s trying to act smooth, he tends to ... yeah, fail

“Hey babe, I got a new jacket, what do you-“

While trying to show off, he accidentally knocked a mug off the kitchen counter, making its half-full contents spill all over the floor and cupboards, the mug itself shattering on the ground with the shards everywhere 

He will blush so much and revert to a shy little boy, instantly leaning down to pick up the broken pieces

and of course, cutting himself because around you he can’t seem to make the shaking of his hands stop 

He will flinch, biting his lip to not make a sound but you being the ever attentive girlfriend will notice immediately and, with a slight sigh but a very gentle smile on your lips, will get him out of the mess and instead pull him into the bathroom

You will make him sit down on the closed lid of the toilet because the rim of the bathtub is not safe for him and get out the first aid kit (which is not the first time; you have it conveniently stored by now) 

Although he’s shying away, he will eventually open his hand with a little bit of coaxing from your side 

(because did he really embarrass himself in front of the love of his life AGAIN?!) 

When he opens his hand, you will see what happened, how the blood is pooling in his hand 

You really learned how to treat little wounds well (kudos to him) 

He thinks while watching you with big eyes

You’re so preoccupied, you probably won’t notice how he gives you T H E LOOK TM 

A smile so tender and soft will light up his features 

His heart will beat away in his chest

His bottom lip sucked between his teeth

as he holds his breath

not believing how he was able to land someone like you, a perfect, beautiful girl

“There you go, all done.” 

He will be so shy when your eyes lock when you look up

Probably blushing

But he won’t look away

instead, he will take your face between his hands very carefully 

he always treats you delicately, scared that he will break you otherwise 

and kisses your lips 

Have you seen his lips?!?

His kisses 

OMG PLEASE

H E A V E N 

soft pecks

slow kisses

loving and passionate making-out sessions

Whatever it is, those lips surely will be your downfall 

Throw in his sweet words in between

with that voice of his 

D O O M 

He is probably T H E boyfriend 

All those partner outfits 

and all those aesthetically pleasing selcas

“Let's take a picture here?”

“Anything you want sweet cheeks!”

He will probably call you sweet cheeks, baby girl and baby 

T A L K S 

It’s such a sophisticated relationship istg

He is in constant search of wisdom and how to further evolve and develop himself, so the need to articulate himself is very high

He needs to share his insights and ideas with someone

and who would be better than you? 

He will come up to you, curl his arms around your waist from behind while leaning his chin on the top of your head, telling you about the book he read

Will feel the need to talk to you about topics that most wouldn’t dare address or simply don’t care about 

“Don’t you think it’s fascinating how a piece of convexed glass can improve sight? How does someone even think of that?” 

He will ask the most random things at the weirdest times 

His thirst for knowledge is so big 

Yet sometimes he just needs silence 

During those times he really appreciates when you place his head on your lap and just caress his hair or spoon him 

Your relationship is equal and even though he is the man most of the times, he will have his weak moments, not feeling ashamed to display them in front of you

He trusts you fully

He invests in this relationship fully too 

So he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with letting you in and showing you his feelings (including the ones that aren’t positive) 

When he comes home after a long day the only thing that can light him up is you 

Wants to snuggle with you

Will wordlessly pull you to your bedroom or coach, whichever is closer, and simply drape himself all over you

His face deeply buried in the crook of your neck 

The only thing he needs now is your comforting smell and the faint beat of your heart 

He will immediately calm down because now he’s finally home  

Will probably fall asleep in that position, thankful that you don’t ask but simply understand 

Meeting your parents

Oh 

My

God

He will be SO nervous, his hands shaking 

because he has to make a good first impression 

You’re the only one he wants to marry, after all, so he shouldn’t fuck things up with his future in-laws 

At least not right off the bat at the first meeting 

You’re probably invited to dinner on a nice afternoon 

And he comes out of the bathroom three hours before 

In a tuxedo, his hair slicked back, looking better than ever but also way too overdressed

And you’re just O///O

“Do you think this is okay?”

You’re at a complete loss, standing up and coming up to him 

“Joonie, don’t you think this is a little too much?”

Because damn, it is and this boy went all the way out

Panic dances in his eyes at your words

You’d have to pull him in a loving embrace because

“I want them to like me.”

“I don’t wanna mess this up.”

And you’d have to calm him down because this poor boy would be so scared and worried

“They will love you. I told them about you and remember when we skyped with them?” 

Your voice and words would calm him down gradually and he’d hug you back, kissing the side of your neck 

He’d probably wear normal pants with a button down and glasses, something he’s more comfortable with but something that’s still chic

In front of your parent’s door, he would take your hand and squeeze it tenderly while closing his eyes and breathing through before pressing the bell

He’d instantly switch into leader-mode 

He is used to facing situations he was never in and can handle them coolly without showing off how much he worries inside 

He would greet your mother so politely and gift her a bouquet of flowers or something else with his dimpled smile 

“I see where (y/n) got her beauty from.”

He’d be so charming 

your mother would fall for him right away, giggling and ushering the two of you inside

He is an absolute professional

Ever the gentleman 

He’d always allow you first, gesturing you inside 

Have you seen this boy and his habits?

He will call your dad sir and nothing else istg

He’d be so respectful and bow in front of him as soon as he catches a glimpse of him 

He’d sit right next to you but would be so decent all the time, holding light conversation with your dad 

Until your mum calls you into the kitchen to help her out 

He’d panic internally when you’d round the corner

because you’re gone 

and he’s alone with your father 

But

to his surprise

no, your dad doesn’t want to fillet him 

Instead, he simply smiles and continues to tell the story 

Namjoon will listen attentively and nod, throwing in some comments here and there

The two of them will lose track of time because 

Namjoon is so fascinated by the stories of the past your father tells and the experiences he made 

while your dad finds the point of view of Namjoon refreshing and interesting 

The two of them get along just swimmingly, looking up surprised when you’d call them to eat

He’d pull out the stool for you, letting you sit first before taking the spot right beside you

His manners are impeccable

Dinner would go so smoothly, conversation flowing easily and everybody would enjoy themselves 

Your parents are absolutely smitten with his good manners and competence

while Namjoon would slowly grow more and more comfortable because of the hospitality and warmth your parents greeted him with 

The evening would end on a bliss point, your parents waving while the two of you would get the car ready 

He’d smile so brightly 

His hand tightly interlaced with yours while he drives, looking forward 

His eyes would always stray to you though 

He can never keep his eyes away from you for too long when you’re around 

“It went well huh?”

He’d chuckle so happily

nodding

and squeezing your hand

“I’m so glad. Now it won’t be a problem to ask for your hand.”

Cue the coughing fit from your side because

aslkfhfaka?!?? 

He wouldn’t even notice his slip of words until he’d spot the blush you’re sporting 

but he’d be the ever so smooth RM and move your interlaced hands up to his lips

kissing the back of your hand gently

“You didn’t think I’d ever let you go, right?” 

The smirk on his face would be so smug 

the love in his eyes evident, however 

He is WEAK for your aegyo 

You know that thing he does when he’s shy or overly happy? 

Where he squeezes his eyes shut and just SMILES 

YEAH EXACTLY THAT

He does that a lot around you

And he can’t say no to you when you do your aegyo on him

it works

every

single

time 

“Please, let's watch Mulan.”

“But we just watched it last week.”

“Puwease.”

He’d hide behind his hands all shy and so bashful and it’d end up with the two of you cuddled up on the couch, watching Mulan yet again 

He wouldn’t even complain because how could he?

You’re happy, your eyes are sparkling like the most beautiful diamonds with a smile on your pretty lips while you’re all cuddled up to him like a koala

Snacks and beverages scattered around you 

The lights dimmed 

The movie playing

This must be heaven, he thinks

He doesn’t need much 

Just the right company in a nice environment can work a long way 

And you are the best company there is 

His inner batteries would recharge fully 

The fluttering and shimmying feeling taking a hold of his insides

His inspiration circulating through him

The motivation burning under his fingers 

You’d be the reason why he wants to be a better person every day

He wants to grow and learn

Make a step forward every single day, no matter how small

and he’d take you with him

He’d support you like nobody else

Sitting down with you and talking about the things you want to achieve 

And helping you make them become true

Sure, hardships are inevitable, fights sometimes can’t be avoided 

but it’s about handling them and dealing with them

and he’d always talk things out with you

Trying to solve the underlying problems 

You’d be a team like nobody else

All the members would be jealous of you (in a good sense though)

They’d be so glad their precious leader found someone who’s so compatible with him and goes to such great lengths to make him a better person 

“Behind every great man, there stands a woman”

You’d be that literal woman, helping him through everything 

From minor things like bringing him food up the way to listening to the deepest sorrows and worries 

Knowing he can rely on you in every matter would make him so much greater and powerful

He’d be so much more focused on letting other’s feel what you make him feel

and so, you’d become his muse

You’d be the love standing behind every single song of his

You’d be the inspiration behind every lyric 

You’re the reason he’s thriving even harder 

Just imagining your heartfelt smile would let the creativity run wild in him 

His thoughts somersaulting as his fingers are way too slow to keep up with the speed the words are coming up with 

He’d be in the best mood when things at work would work out

and to think that he’s so blessed to come home to you

He is the type of person to bring you little presents after coming home from work

be it food so that you don’t have to cook (even though he loves your home cooked food more than anything)

or a little keychain that he thought was cute 

Or even a blossom that fell off just as he crossed underneath the cherry tree that was in full bloom 

“The beauty reminded me of you; the only difference is, you’re not transient because I will never let you go.” 

He’s so cheesy and he is not even sorry for it

He will make you feel all the love he holds for you and he is not ashamed of it 

He is a very gentle and loving person 

and he will worship you

All of you, at all times 

His touches will be so tender 

And he will murmur and whisper so many praises against your skin 

He will kiss you, leaving warm flames in their wake as he maps your body out in a pace that can only be called slow 

His warm hands will make you feel so safe 

He will love you so thoroughly and will put you over himself always because that’s simply how he is 

For him pleasure is all about intimacy, holding your hands, looking into your eyes, whispering warm words, kisses 

just getting lost in each other and becoming one 

Ecstasy in the softest way 

The love will be so pure and unfiltered 

So real 

He will always prioritize you 

All in all, Kim Namjoon is simply the most perfect smol bean the face of earth has ever seen 

-

Admin Moonie 🌙

Episode 1: The Pilot Pilot

Sources:

Amelia Earhart

Children’s Museum Indianapolis

NASA

The New Yorker

Time Magazine

History Channel

National Geographic

NBC News

The Night Witches

History Channel

Museum of Flight

History Collection

“The Very Few” – Guardian article

Jackie Cochran

National Aviation Hall of Fame

PBS

Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum

Digital Trends

Further Reading: Jackie Cochran: An Autobiography & Jackie Cochran: Pilot in the Fastest Lane

Click below for the transcript!

Haley: You’re trying to force my wisdom out of me that’s not gonna work well. Lexi: She’s trying to force us to become Chicago improv-ers (Alana laughing) Haley: Yeah Lexi (laughing): This is her dream. Alana’s dream is not to do improv but to be a podcaster like a Chicago improv-er Alana (laughing, quietly): Actually, yeah Haley: It’s so funny cuz she was just like I wrote the script and I was like… script? Lexi: There’s a script? We have a script? Haley: I act now? (Alana laughing) I barely read. (Lexi laughing) Like after that doing the trailer this is gonna be bananas for when I’m – when I’m reading my notes Lexi: Archaeologists don’t read. Archaeologists can’t read. Alana: Archaeologists don’t read. Lexi: We can’t read. Haley: I also realized Lexi just picks like the best sounding… whatever Lexi: The best sounding banter and then I put in the intro music INTRO MUSIC Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History: the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. I’m here with Lexi. Lexi, what are you reading? Lexi: The instructions on how to turn off this Zoom call because I need to get outta here. (Alana and Haley laughing) Alana: I’m also in the same virtual space as Haley. Haley, what are you eating? Haley: I had some chips and yogurt earlier. Lexi: Together? Alana: Chips and yogurt? Haley: Yeah. That’s like a REAL Persian thing. We can get into that… Oh, the stunned faces, I shouldn’t have– I should’ve lied. (Lexi and Alana laughing) Haley: I should’ve lied okay, I’m eating burgers and fries. I’m eating mac n cheese. Insert whatever. Alana: and I’m Alana and I use 150% of the garlic a recipe calls for. Haley: (making airplane sounds) Lexi:  What sound does an airplane make? Alana (quietly): I don’t even remember Haley: (repeats airplane sound) (Lexi laughing) Alana: You guys it’s been so long since I’ve been on an airplane I don’t even remember what noise airplanes make. Lexi: What’s your favorite airplane food? Alana: My favorite airplane food? Um… sometimes when you fly Southwest they give you Oreos Lexi: What? That’s incredible. Haley: I like bringing my own snacks. Like I’ve gone pro. Like I’ve even brought a thermos with mac and cheese in it that’s like still warm so then I can just like snack on the plane. Alana: How do you get that through security? Haley: It’s food it’s not liquid Alana: What kind of cheese do you have that’s not liquid? Haley: Like mac n cheese is like– Lexi: The cheese isn’t liquid Haley: Yeah Lexi: Unless you’re getting like Kraft fake cheese Haley: No, I do like– Lexi: Can you hear my brother screaming in the background of this banter? Alana: No Haley: Whatever. No like I do like Annie’s white shell mac n cheese in my dino thermos… Haley: No I get stopped almost every time to the point where my parents have made fun of me that I just get stopped so now I'm just… Alana: You’re on some list Haley: They’re gonna look through my bag anyway might as well… Lexi: You probably are on a list. Haley: … be like this is my mac and cheese. Lexi: Your name is the same name as some criminal. Like… (laughing) oopsy poopsies Haley: That’s like my cousin’s name he’s like same terrorist or some terrorist like has the same name as his and he's gotten stopped before one time was like with thirty of us and I was like well. Alana: That happened to my uncle when he was eight. They were going into… they were going into Israel and they stopped him and they were like we're gonna ask him a question like he’s on the same– this terrorist list like it's the same name. Lexi: I was detained at the airport in Israel. Kind of. Alana: Jesus, Lexi what did you do?!. Lexi: So I was with a group, I was coming back from a dig… In case you don't know we're all archaeologists I feel like I've made that joke already. Haley: Oh yeah wait shouldn’t we intro like who we are though. Lexi: Sure. Well. Let me tell my story first. Alana: Haley I'm going to kick you off the podcast. Haley (quietly): No you’re not Lexi: I was getting I was leaving the excavation… And with people from a different school but the most of the people on the dig were from my school but only I was leaving with the people from the other school and so when I got to the airport the nice Israeli woman asked if I was with those people and I said no I'm not with them because I went to a different school but then when they got through they said they were with me and they caught us in our lie and so they detained for three hours. Haley: That's why you got detained?! Lexi: Yes. Haley: I got detained for looking like me and having my name. Lexi: We all have our different qualities. Alana: I have never been detained at an airport. They make me so nervous Haley: Well whoopty freakin’ doo Alana: Hashtag white privilege. My white privilege is I've never been detained at an airport. Oh that's not true I mean it's kind of true but my dad... we were coming back from Costa Rica and they have those like passport they scan your face and they scan your passports on our way back into LA. And my DAD, who, Lexi leave this in so that I can call him out in front of the whole world he made a face at the passport scanning machine and it gave him a big X over his face and I flipped my shit I freaked the fuck out. Haley: I've gotten like five of those Xes. Alana: Cuz like it doesn't match I was so scared everyone else got matched and I was like what is gonna happen? Airports already make me so nervous in general and yes we didn’t like have a flight to catch or anything cuz we were home but like… Lexi: Airports are nerve-wracking. They’re very anxiety-inducing. Alana: So much anxiety… anyway. Lexi:  And the food's always bad. Alana: In airports? Lexi: In the airport, yes. Haley: That's why I bring my own food I bring so many snacks I should honestly have a different pouch for snacks at this point with how many snacks I bring. Lexi: The only thing I consume in airports is Starbucks. Alana: Yeah Starbucks quality tends to like stay normal in airports because it's already like meh… don't leave that in I don't want my Starbucks overlords to come for me. Lexi: These lady pilots didn't get Starbucks. Alana: No they didn't get Starbucks. Who wants to go first? Lexi: Who wants to tell us about a lady? (Dead Air) Alana: I love this dead air. I love that we're not on radio so there's not gonna be any dead air thanks Lexi. Lexi: I might put in dead air. Just to– Just to… Alana: Just to put that in? Lexi: You know what's dead air? (Dead air) Lexi: Do you know what’s dead air? Haley: The route that Amelia Earhart was supposed to fly over. Lexi: I was going to say all of these lady pilots. Alana: Are yours dead? Because I don't think all of mine are dead yet. Lexi: Mine is dead and Haley’s might be dead or might be an alien from space we don't really know. Haley: We get into that. Alana: No but if she’s an alien from space we don't know their like lifespans Haley: Guys, don't steal my thunder I’m gonna get into all that. Lexi: Alright. So are you going first with your– would you like to take the dead air– take the dead air away. Haley: I'll jump right in. So obviously, someone had to cover Amelia Earhart and I'm like a dumbass like I'm just gonna put it out there. I am– I still need some working on in the brain area and when I was little like my brain works in strange ways and you’ll learn about this as we go on with this podcast and even I think you two don't even understand how my brain works exactly but I'll remember things just in the pockets of my brain folds from like when I was a small child. When I was like learning about Amelia Earhart in like the elementary school days for like women's history month I spelled her name as air A-I-R. and heart H-E-A-R-T. And that's– Alana (quietly): Love that for you Haley: Absolutely not how you spell her name. It’s E-A-R-H-R-T. Alana: A-R-T. Haley: A-R-T. Lexi: Still can’t spell it. Haley: Still can’t spell it... (Alana laughing) Haley: While looking at the words on my screen. And I typed it in like my child version way into my Word doc and it wasn't coming out and I was just looking at it like why isn't this working for me. Googled it, got like air heart sign like all this astrology stuff like not Amelia so I just typed in airheart because I was on a roll with myself. Regardless, her nickname is Lady Lindy so I’m gonna call her Lady Lindy for this, because it’s Lady History I can’t not. So I wanna preface this that I– because with work and finishing up a summer course I had like about a day and a half to write these notes. And all my sources are decent like they're not– I didn't have time to like read a whole book of hers like she has many biographies and such and like different documentaries. But I used like children's museums, NASA, the New Yorker, History Channel, National Geographic so nothing out of the ordinary of good research. But there are so many conflicting dates and information that I almost thought I was being punked somehow. So there might be loopholes where you’re like “Haley, you have to be a decent researcher and fill this in” and I'm just leaving it out because I don't want to say anything completely wrong so I'm using like the facts that came up on like at least three of the sites. Nothing from Wikipedia is going to be on here I'll leave that one be. I’ll mention Wikipedia at one point but like it wasn't a hardcore source. Well, for Lady Lindy born in Kansas on July 24th 1894 planes were not yet invented for her flying needs yet and I'm gonna make a preface because I was looking at– I love looking at like the blogs people write because for Amelia Earhart there are just so many enthusiasts, so many people still blogging about her. Lexi: Conspiracy theorists. Haley: Don't worry I got you covered we're gonna go into three different like theories about her death and everything. Alana: I think I saw that on Buzzfeed Unsolved. (Lexi laughing) Alana: They do Amelia Earhart on Buzzfeed Unsolved. Haley: It's truly everywhere I don't know– I can't remember what it's from, but I kind of have to do like a step back and just think if this person knew what type of plane she was flying and not like a mega Delta or like Alaska plane like this was like an old plane that could only go like a few hundred feet off the ground. So I just wanna like bring that up here from the beginning like these aren't gonna be the planes that we were just talking about that we hop on to go visit each other. Because like there are some bloggers where I’m like you know some of the conspiracy stuff but the actual facts? This is– this is not good. No bueno. She first saw a plane at a state fair when she was about ten years old, but didn't start flying for like another ten-ish years around like 1920-1921. Alana: I don't think they let ten year olds fly. (Lexi laughing) Haley: Yeah absolutely not, but she was very fascinated from like that point that was like she was the plane girl. You know how we have horse girls? She was plane girl. (Lexi laughing) Haley: When she was able to start flying in like 1920/1921 she was the sixteenth woman to receive a pilot's license… so like wow well done. So she's not known for being like the first pilot which I saw often. People are like this is the first female pilot. No. Like because once you have your pilot’s license you're a pilot in like my book. And I guess like you could be just a female and just be like this is my plane now I'm gonna press the button and go zoom. Lexi: Do you need a license to be a pilot? Like if I’m in a plane and I’m flying it, aren’t I a pilot? Alana (quietly): Oh my god. Haley: So, she's training a lot and she's really into it and her popularity keeps growing because she just keeps trying to get into different organizations especially for female flyers. And on June 17th 1928, she departed from Newfoundland. (And let me just do a preface to the universe if I do not pronounce something right, kindly call me out on it) Which is a large island off of, like, off the North Americas near Canada so up north from us with pilots Bill and Slim. Those are their nicknames, but it's Wilmer Schultz and Louis Gordon. So she was with Bill and Slim. There she became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic and she later, like right after, soon after became the first woman and second person to fly across the Atlantic alone. Lexi: Alone. Haley: Alone. So I couldn't find any definitive research but for her– the flight that she's known for like going around the globe which, I will absolutely talk about, I don't know what alone means for these planes because when she went around the world she was with another guy. Like she was a pilot but then there'd be a navigator so theoretically there are two people. Lexi: I think it’s without a co pilot so you don't get a break. Haley: Yeah. Lexi: I think when– based on my lady who we’ll get into I think anything that says solo it doesn't mean no one else was in the plane– it might mean that but it means no one else piloted while you were piloting. Like you didn’t go take a nap. Haley: Yeah so like when we say alone, at least for Lexi and my human, there is usually a navigator so it's not her just chilling out in the plane. Lexi: Cuz they didn't have the fancy machines. Haley: Exactly. And her navigators are predominantly male. Or at least the two that they talked to. Lexi: Juicy. Haley: Yeah so it's not like a full on lady ship flying through the air. Lexi: Lady ship flying through the air! Haley: After this flight especially where she flies across on her own, she's just mega popular. This is where her name really becomes a household name, she probably gets the nicknames Lady Lindy, she calls herself A. E. as her own nickname. And I'm gonna just go on my own little tangent of some of the cool things and like… just tidbits about her that I found out from honestly the Children’s Museum of Indianapolis which I was like… alright here we go. The first thing is when I found out that there is the navigator I didn't realize what the navigator was. I thought like what Lexi said like it's the copilot but no. So she had to stay awake for all these trips. And I was like wait how did you do that because like I can't do that I really thought the navigator was a co pilot and you just get kind of like the… for academic papers you have the co authors but there's like the first author and the second author and you usually remember the first guy's name. But no she's flying the whole time. She didn't like coffee or tea like any like those caffeinated drinks. So she would use smelling salts to stay awake. They still have like one of the like little tiny glass bottles of smelling salts in their collection and I'm like… okay. That like creeps me out I feel like that's a little sketchy but like and probably not healthy but I'm not a medical professional so I'm not gonna give you advice. Alana: Cocaine! (Lexi laughing) Haley: That's the thing I tried seeing like they were– in the collection and just like with what I was saying smelling salts, it didn't say what the smelling salts were… and I wanna know what it is. Lexi: Yeah, you know like when a lady faints when a lady... a lady faints you give her the smelling salts. Haley: Like 1930s smelling salts has to be mixed with something weird because we were still in the place like Coke still had cocaine. Alana: Laced with cocaine!! Haley: Okay yeah and then– Alana: I mean, we're not a hundred percent sure that it's cocaine. Lexi: That was just– yeah. Alana: That's just us being funny I don't wanna get sued. We don't know that it's cocaine! Haley: I love that now we have to preface that we're just crazy people. So the other thing that I found that this was kind of like “Oh, I should have known this” or like “this makes sense” is that you know how she has like the iconic goggles and leather cap? She hated those things. At least the goggles, she hated wearing them that's why most of the pictures she's not wearing them and it's like our drawings, depictions us reproducing something of Amelia Earhart has the goggles. But she would put them on right before the runway and then take them off immediately at landing because like you had to wear them with the dinky planes that they had. But she still was like I'm not about it. But however what she did like was just fashion in general. She did even have like she went on to create like her own clothing line that was actually advertised in Vogue, and I'm trying to find like a copy of it. I’ll keep you all updated but yes she was part of the international organization of women's pilots. I think she even like helped create it, but it's called the Ninety Nine and it's a non profit that provided networking, mentoring, and flight scholarships or opportunities for other women and out of this they kind of have like their own like clothing line for pilots because obviously it was a male profession, for the most part. She was like the sixteenth person to get a flying license. So they kind of like created their own uniform and had their own uniform to sell. Vogue picked it up and I thought that was also really cool because she's predominantly known for flying solo across the Atlantic and attempting going around the globe which she dies in. Like she– all the things like if you just see like or at least what I did for my Google search just typing in her name all the first things will say like her death something about her death which I'm actually gonna go into right now. So her flight was in a Lockheed Electra 10 E., and her navigator was Fred Noonan. No idea, I had no idea this was a thing. She had a navigator so she wasn't alone in this. And this was their second time attempting, or at least Amelia’s second time attempting. The first time she tried taking off from California but crashed into Honolulu. This was gonna be like even longer. I think there's like one guy who did this before… I have his name even. Wiley Post had flown around the world in seven days and he was like the first aviator to accomplish this. So she was going to be like the second person but the first woman to do this and hers was gonna be even longer because she was predominantly gonna take the equator and just like go around the equator… belly of the Earth. But she didn't make it. They lost contact around like July 2nd. I think she had like seven thousand miles left. Like she was like almost there like they had like she was on this journey for a while and then there was a day of just them not having contact and this is where we also get this whole story on like what the line of events whatever that saying is… the happenings of her life get a little hairy. Like this is where like Nat Geo had one thing to say, Time magazine had another, a quick YouTube from like a documentary had like the third thing to say. But basically on July 2nd she lost contact. We really don't know what happened after that. It's not like the last contact is “we're headed for the Pacific Ocean.” So that has opened up to years and ongoing research like still happening research on what happened to her. I made an arbitrary list for these three conspiracy theories on most likely to least likely. Most likely is that she just crashed into the Pacific Ocean and the plane’s somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. Like we're not gonna find it. If the people going back to the Pacific Ocean to try to find her they have– like you have to recognize, one, the ocean is so deep like we have not really gotten to the bottom of the ocean yet and two with just the waves and how this plane could have crashed, it could have moved thousands of miles in any sort of direction. So when I was kind of like reading some of these searches and like are you giving enough like leeway? Like us knowing like archaeology and stuff like with the radar and like all the things trying to find something it might not be there. I think we all know this. You look at these maps, we see a fuzzy dot, it might not be what we're looking for. So like a lot of these people are like oh I saw this dot on this one map, or like this shadow… I'm gonna go look there and it's like no don't do that. That's like all the enthusiasts. I already said she had trouble communicating, but we do have like radio logs and it seems that they were near an island but they couldn't see it and that they were running low on gas. So that's why I think like okay if you can't see an island and you're running low on gas and you're having like radio problems there's probably another thing happening with the plane. Like that always has like a chain reaction like nothing is just gonna be like one little blip it's just gonna all explode in your face like a big cherry pie. That's also… so that's like the first thing is just clear cut fell into the Pacific Ocean. The second one, I'm gonna butcher this– this Nikumaroro castaway. So both the places I'm gonna talk about in this next, like, little conspiracy theory are in the Pacific Ocean. So this investigation comes from the– or mainly comes from the international group for historic aircraft recovery. So they think that Earhart and Noonan landed their plane on one of these islands when they couldn't find Howland Island. So, like, just imagine in the Pacific Ocean a cluster of islands close enough that– I guess you can– if you can't fly to one you can fly to the other. I'm not a hundred percent sure how it all works out. I am not a pilot, but on, like, Google Maps when I tried to find these things. They're not, like, super close together, but I guess they're close enough in pilot speak? I don't know. We could do a whole series on just Amelia Earhart honestly with all her conspiracy theories. Because like one person was like maybe it's not this island it's another island this exact same story but on a different island in the Pacific Ocean it's like sure. But these guys think they had actually like they were cooking with gas, because they think they found bits of the plane. So they said that this island had to have been on like a low tide so making it slightly bigger and allowing this like reef along like the surface to be exposed and the reef must've been like in a good enough space, area, whatever you must have to land the plane. So they think she was able to send some radio transmission, but the plane was largely intact as they were landing on this; it wasn't like a complete crash landing. They think she survived at least until like the radio cut off because they think like when the radio cut off like she was still– like there's something that made them think “oh, the radio didn't cut off because she was dead,” and like the radio was continuing to transmit but no one was answering. They think she just like her and Noonan would probably just like deplane the plane, as this was an aluminium plane, it was really hot. Like outside, even going through the air so like landing they probably just like walked away… got more on the island to see the sights, see where they were that they were just crash landed in this area. They also noted that this island was colonized by the British Empire very soon after her plane must have gone down so we're gonna say around I think it was like 1938 to 1940 where the British colonized, and we know how colonizers are. Not swell. And colonists were reported finding airplane parts, which could have possibly come from her plane. Like they’re airplane parts from that time period and in 1940, Gerald Gallagher, the colonial administrator, discovered thirteen bones buried near the remains of a… I wrote “vampire”...  Okay no sorry. He found thirteen bones like in this secluded area near the shore and the remnants of two shoes– a man's and a woman's– as well as a box that once held a sextant and that is the tool that kind of looks like a kaleidoscope thing that you can measure like angular distances… I’m using my hand but obviously with a podcast you can't see it, Google it, they’re cool. All the bones were shipped off to Fiji where they were measured and apparently those bones were lost. We can't go back– like I worked for a forensic anthropologist once upon a time, so like that wouldn’t make it to me like I couldn’t just be like “Hey let's get these bones now” and with that so the bones must've been like you can use a foot bone and like measure and get stature. I couldn't figure out like I couldn't find anywhere like I wanted to see like what type of bones because theoretically you could use your little tiny bones like the metatarsals and stuff but really you want to use like your femur or humerus like one of your long bones because when you measure it you can say like how long your arm was, how long your whole body was. And that's how you get like stature and you can also see from those bones better how old a person was from like when you're born your bones are a bunch of bones, like they're not fully intact and as you get older your bones kind of callous over and also as you get older and older and older your bones show the wear and tear of it. Lexi: Also if her or Noonan had any specific childhood injuries… Haley: Exactly so yeah even though it's like thirteen bones, thirteen bones can still tell you, but the type of bone– like you can learn way more from a femur, broken, again let's use like the tarsals… like a broken tarsal. A broken femur versus a broken tarsal I'm gonna go for the femur. Alana: That's a leg bone versus a toe bone. Haley: Yeah, sorry. Alana: We're gonna probably end up being a little bit elitist about our… about our knowledge because we’re archaeologists but we're gonna do our best! We're gonna try not to! Haley: Okay, so imagine having your big leg bone and like a tiny foot bone. You're gonna want the big leg bone because that'll give you more surface to just analyze everything and that's basically when teaching, and Lexi took that class too, when learning how to do the precise measurements they're using the longer– long bones. I also love how they just like in a lot of them where it’s like they're lost they didn't say how they were lost, where they were lost, because they could have been lost in Fiji, coming back to the site, going to another like place to be measured and analyzed. Also I want to know like I guess this is like the 1940s if they were gonna do any like soil testing or like what they did. Lexi: They gave those bones a good Christian burial and called it quits. Haley: I– I wanna know so much. I wanna know so much because like hopefully it would be like different now, but I don't– actually I don't think so. Things still happen in the archaeology world. The researchers that did take the measurements said that it could have come from a woman of Amelia Earhart's size and build, but I wanna know if they thought like all thirteen were female or male bones because male and female bones are different. That's not like– it's like I hate when everyone says like “we're all the same on the inside” and it's like your bones are so unique… like yes on the inside we all have bones and organs but like– Alana: Haley, this is our first episode, you’re gonna get us canceled. Haley: Okay fine. We're all the same on the inside. We all have bones. (Alana laughing) Lexi: Haley’s a… scientist. Alana: She’s a scientist. Haley: No we’re all– Lexi: She’s not a TERF, just so everyone knows. She’s just talking about bones. Haley: I’m just talking about bones, I'm not a turd. I’m just talking about the bones. Lexi: I said TERF not turd, but okay! Alana: Same thing! Same thing! Haley: Okay. So. Scientifically I– I don’t know where this came from– the researcher just saying that– Alana, laughing: Wait, wait. I think Lexi and I need a sec to recover. (Lexi and Alana laughing) Lexi: Okay go ahead. Haley: Now people what the enthusiasts really took that to mean was “That’s Amelia!” but no. Like they didn’t have– and now they’re lost so there’s no way of doing DNA, and like I’m sure we don’t have anything to like, compare. Because for DNA, you can take DNA from something, but you need another sample to compare it to. Same with bones like X-rays? If like Amelia Earhart had an X-ray or like what Lexi said earlier, a noted childhood injury, then yeah. Sure. That is like more definitive but right now they were basing it off measurements. Also saying like yes this is a Caucasian woman's bone which… unless you really had, like, the face is… It's still very iffy very like… just a whole can of worms. They're basically saying this could be the size of Amelia Earhart which was an average sized woman. Another expedition later in the eighties, so now we're jumping like a bunch of years. They said like they found a bunch of artifacts from the 1930s… again, colonizers were going in. So them saying like “oh we found white people things on this like island in the Pacific from the 1930s” is kind of like, I'm rolling my eyes a little bit. There are currently doing excavations with dogs, and this one guy, his name's Fred, he’s an archaeologist with National Geographic Society said “No other technology is more sophisticated than the dogs.” They have a higher rate of success identifying things in the ground like than ground penetrating radar. He also said that these like dogs can sniff remains as deep as nine feet down and as old as a thousand five hundred years. Lexi: For real?! Haley: Yeah. Alana: Oh my god. We should get some of them on Dún Ailinne. Lexi: Let’s get some dig dogs! Alana: Dig dogs! Yeah. Lexi: Let’s go… get some dig dogs. Haley: I really hope it's like the hounds with the long ears like from Fox and the Hound. They have the sniffer noses. But I don't know. So that's where it got– that second conspiracy kind of ends. No more real updates. The last one is the one that's like it's not that it's not bananas, but it's bananas at the same time. (Alana laughing) Haley: I didn't know this one. I knew about the bones on like the random island, and I knew about her just like taking a dive into the Pacific. This is her landing on Marshall Island and it's somewhat– some people call it the Marshall Island Conspiracy. So instead of continuing on their path and looking for that island in the Pacific, they went north to a Japanese controlled island. And then they were taken hostage by the Japanese. And presumably if they were taken hostage by the Japanese they were thought to be U. S. spies and Lexi’s face is already like “what is happening” no Lexi this gets even wilder. Lexi: I thought “wacky” meant aliens but this is even wackier. (Alana laughing) Haley: We get to a point where it's kind of like spooky aliens. The conspiracy is on the basis that she landed in Japan and she was either taken hostage in Japan or just like they live their lives in Japan. I don't know why not being like “Hey I'm Amelia Earhart” but PTSD and like… that stuff is a thing. So, sure. Now we split off into one group saying if they are with the hostages or they had to like crash land they were killed or eventually killed. Another theory is that she made it back to the U. S. under an assumed name. So Amelia turned into Irene Craigmile and then married a guy named Guy Bolan and died in New Jersey in 1982. Guys. I. This gal Irene has her own Wikipedia page. I told you Wikipedia was gonna come into this. Lexi: What does she think about this? Haley: So she– there was even like a lawsuit for her; saying that she wasn't Amelia– you can all look at this Wikipedia page. It has a picture of her and people are like “she looks like an older Amelia.” And yeah, sure they have some resemblance but like… people can look like each other. And like she would also like– my quick read of this was that she was saying she's not Amelia Earhart. On her Wikipedia they have like her parents’ names, where she was born… And like there is a lawsuit for one point five million million dollars because she was like– I believe she was screaming at the top of her lungs “I'm not Amelia” and like this is like damaging to her reputation and she came up when I like tried looking at like if I could obtain some of her biographies or documentaries easily enough her name came up in those. Like she's truly– people truly think she was Amelia Earhart and got back to the US. So another guy– so this is going like off this– he was a retired Air Force colonel from Hawaii and he is quoted saying if she couldn't find Howland plan B was to cut off communication and head for the Marshall Islands and ditch her plane there. And this is around like 2003, so we already had like the past conspiracy theory where they found their bones and like they found plane parts. So this is a totally different island so who's right there? I don’t know. We still don't know. And one enthusiast named Dick Spink– yes that is his name– ran with this quote and started collecting stories from people on the Marshall Islands just to be like “did this girl show up” like what happened to this girl. And we've gotten quotes like she landed at Nellie... our uncles, aunts, our parents, and our grandparents knew that she landed there. People are saying she was here and he even spent like his own money. He spent like fifty thousand dollars to get proof of this and I watched like a clip of the documentary and this was from the History Channel and I believe you can find… I saw that you could pay for it and maybe it's on YouTube, but it's a documentary, Amelia Earhart: The Lost Evidence came out in 2017. There's like a pre-World War Two archival photo and they've circled like a girl that looks like Amelia Earhart and they’re like “this is Amelia” what I like to think like this could potentially be Amelia Earhart and like Noonan. I think yeah they kind of look like them but it's like it's not a photo that we take with our phone. It is a old photo that's like very blurry and sepia tone. TBH, doesn't fly with me but it's just hysterical to me honestly that people are like “that’s Amelia.” People saying “oh yeah she was at our island” and a lot of evidence is very unclear where I don't even wanna like bring it up because I just it's not the cost of well this is not not sometimes nonsense like one person was like “Amelia Earhart’s still alive” and it's like…  no she's definitely dead she’d be like I think 117 by now? It's been eighty years since the supposed crash. This theory specifically I think that is truly divided but not many responses are coming from academics. I just like I notice out of all the theories it's this theory that has the least academics and the most enthusiasts so… Alana: That doesn't usually bode well. Haley: She was declared dead after two years of her disappearance. So people like have said she's died and it's in like so it would be 1939 I believe it was like January first or January second just how the law works. And her husband, George Putnam, who’s an author, publisher, and explorer– or was he died. And she wrote to him “Please know I am quite aware of the hazards. I want to do it because I want to do it. Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail their failure must be a challenge to others.” Which… is true. So many people wanted to be Amelia and like she’s still an icon in lady history like we're doing it right now. So I actually saw a really cool like a Covid mask with her face on it and like a airplane which I thought was nifty. Lexi: I love the conspiracies man that was really… Alana: Love the conspiracies. I definitely heard about that on Buzzfeed Unsolved that the bones are missing which I didn’t know. Haley: That like once the bones are missing I was like well… and I did see like people being like “let's test the–” like “if only the bones weren’t lost you could test the DNA!” Look at all like that shady parts of like bone history where it's like we can look at the face and it's like no they just had thirteen bones like face isn’t just one bone that they'd be counting as separate bones and the other stuff where like yes she landed in the Pacific Ocean. Not much is coming from Noonan though, her navigator. It's all about her which is pretty cool honestly for a lady podcast. Who’s up next? Alana: I'll go next because talking about the Night Witches, Night Witches. Just kidding, we don't, that's I. P. don't sue us. The Night Witches were an all female air regiment in World War Two in the… in Russia in the Soviet Union which I learned in my research that Russians call it The Great Patriotic War so that’s something fun Lexi: Okay. Alright. Okay. That’s juicy. Alana: That’s juicy. So this all female air regiment was started by a woman named Marina Raskova or the Soviet Amelia Earhart. That's like her fun little nickname. I did learn about this story from Drunk History. So obviously since we're gonna be talking about the Soviet Union during World War Two I just want to say: Stalin is a bad dude. The only good thing that Stalin ever did was fight Nazis. And that's like that one Onion it's like the Onion or some other like comedy news article and the headline just said “oh no the worst person you know just made a good point.” Lexi: Mm. Yes. Alana: That's how I feel about Stalin. There’s a Guardian article that I'll get to a little bit later and it interviews some of these Night Witches and they call Nazis fascists and I'm like oh honey I got some bad news for you. I got some bad news for you. Haley: Wait hold up so you're saying like... Alana: I’m saying that Stalin is a fascist. Haley: No no I know but like he didn't like he said a no no to the Nazis, so like the people who are like “Nazis are chill” you're worse than Stalin is that really where you want to like, the hill you want to die on? Is being worse than Stalin? Lexi: That's what she said? I don’t think that’s what she said. Alana: I don’t think that’s what I said. Lexi: I think she just said the Night Witches don't like fascists, but the guy they loved was a fascist. Alana: Was also a fascist. Haley: I thought you were going– my brain just went straight to… from Stalin not liking Nazis to these girls potentially not liking Nazis and I had to be like hold up. Are you saying they’re like worse than– Lexi: I don't think, I don't think Stalin liked Nazis and I don't think these women liked Nazis. Haley: People shouldn’t like Nazis. Alana: We’re gonna go on the record, we're gonna say people shouldn't like Nazis. So, I did learn about the story from Drunk History season six episode fourteen, I'm gonna reference that a couple times, the storyteller is Jess McKenna and it's very funny but that's it because they're not sponsoring us. So the Night Witches were started by Marina Raskova. She was a navigator in the Red Army so like we were saying there's someone in the plane who like tells you where to go and what to do but who isn't flying for realsies and that was what Marina did and we are on a first name basis because we're tight, we're best friends and she definitely one hundred percent has not been dead since 1943. That's just we're just tight we’re close me and her ghost. Not– just kidding. So women were barred from combat in the Red Army and for a lot of modern history. Haley: Go over what the Red Army is. Alana: The Red Army is what the army was called in the USSR that's like what they call their army was the Red Army because communism. And so the women were really only allowed slowly into the army because Russia was taking devastating, crushing, horrible losses. And Marina was getting letters from civilian women who wanted to help and they were like “Marina you're so cool you're amazing because you're fighting and we wish that we could fight” because they are losing their husbands their fathers their brothers their sons. So she goes to Stalin and says “Hey, Joseph can I… I’m like, here can I please start some all female air regiments… maybe.” And Stalin says yes. One of the articles I read implied that he maybe only said yes because he was attracted to her and, yeah, that article was written by a man. But she gets this dispensation and she gets all of these women to come in and be pilots. But now that they're in the army they're facing some sexism as is kind of to be expected tragically, tragically to be expected. They're facing sexual harassment which I mean it's still a problem in the year 2020, like nothing changes. It should but it doesn't. But more systemically they have the worst they just have bad equipment. They're getting hand me down uniforms from male soldiers that are way too big so they're like stuffing boots with socks and like everything is super baggy. But let's talk about their planes because that's what we're here for the planes, we’re here for pilots. They're flying training planes. Polikarpov PO-2 biplanes. They’re twenty years old. They’re crop dusters. They have no cockpit protection and they can't go high enough, which you wouldn't want them to because they don't have any cockpit protection. They have to fly at night because they can't go high enough to be out of view. And also, news flash, this is something fun that people might not know, this is just a fun fact. Fun fact: Russia is cold. Lexi: I had no idea. Alana: Yeah so these women are getting frostbite. And if you touch the plane it's like so cold that it'll burn your hand. You know what I mean? Haley: So like, opposite of Amelia's problem. Alana: Yeah, opposite of Amelia’s problem, exactly. So they’re just like the worst planes ever and they don’t go that high. Like normal equipment radar, radio, fucking parachutes are too heavy for these horrible planes, so they don't have parachutes until 1943. And they can only carry two bombs, each plane can only carry two bombs at a time and they have one under each wing. And so they're going back and forth from their little safety where they store the bombs they're going back to safety and then across enemy lines. And they're dropping bombs and they’re coming back and get more bombs they're going back and just like back and forth back and forth eighteen times a night. But these women are so dope and so good at everything that this is how they get the name Night Witches. It comes from the German Nacht Hexen which means night witches and the planes are too small and too quiet to show up on radar or sonar. But the sound of them coming sounds like a sweeping. (Lexi and Haley make general noises of understanding) Alana: So it’s like… their planes are brooms, women are riding them... they’re witches. Haley: Right. Alana: But these slow planes end up being kind of a blessing or like a silver lining, sort of, because the fast planes can't go slow enough to shoot them down. Because aerodynamics. Period. Like, that's why big planes need big long runways because they gotta build up enough speed so they don't fall out of the sky. But these slow planes can’t go fast, obviously, duh. News flash, fun fact: slow planes can't go fast. Fast planes can't go slow. and so it's super difficult for them to like– for the Nazi planes to attack the Night Witches’ planes because they can't like keep pace with them, even though they're slower. This 588th air regiment, which is the Night Witches, they're so badass and they're so prolific and they're killing so many Nazis that anyone who shoots down a Night Witch gets the Iron Cross which is the highest honor in the Nazi army. All you gotta do is shoot one down and you get the Iron Cross so– Haley: That’s like zero to sixty right there. Alana: It's zero to sixty. So we're gonna talk about real fast just like the women themselves besides how dope and cool they are. They have twelve commandments, and the first one is “be proud that you are a woman.” I cannot find the other eleven. I have no idea what the other eleven are. Lexi: Do the other ones matter if the first one’s that good. Alana: I guess not. This is the gender divide in my sources as well, as the ones that men wrote were like “look they're doing all this all these like womanly things” like they would embroider and wear eyeliner and that kind of fun stuff. But women like Marina, who would look at them and who wrote that and would say be proud that you're a woman because you're doing this crazy stuff you're killing all these Nazis and you're also doing it as a woman so you’re double the badass. It's like they said that Grace Kelly could do anything Fred Astaire could do but backwards and in high heels. Have you heard that before? Haley: No, I haven't heard that one. Alana: That's- it's how awesome Grace Kelly was. Haley: Ok. Alana: Like she was Fred Astaire, but better. Haley: I love it. Alana: One of the… I'm gonna talk about Raisa Surnachevskaya who flew while she was four months pregnant. She was up in a plane, shooting down Nazis, four months pregnant. So that’s pretty dope. Haley: Alrighty then. Alana: And there was this camaraderie between these women especially Raisa Surnachevskaya (as I said) and Tamara Pamyatnykh and in this Guardian article from 2001 which is very, it’s so from 2001. Tamara is reminiscing about it and how she took out two bombers before being shot down and she's worried that she hadn't done enough that night and is so wo– like she is remembering looking down from the ground thinking that she left Raisa, her “wingman”– her words– her wingman all alone in the sky to fight Nazis and that was very moving to me. I would be worried if I left either of you up in the sky to fight Nazis I’d feel bad too. (Lexi and Haley laughing) Alana: I would. The author of that made a point to say, like he's praising these women and then he's like “today's tw–” because they were young, like young women going to fight and he’s like “today's twenty one year olds wear nightclub clothes to work” and I was like did you really have to do that. Lexi: K. bro. Alana: Okay, brah. I was like did- did a woman write this. No, a woman did not write it and I was like hmm. Lexi: [sarcasm audible] And there definitely aren't women in the military in any country in. Alana: In any country in the world. Lexi: There definitely aren't. Anywhere. Alana: All men. Lexi: Yeah, they’re all men now since there is no big war. Alana: [laughs] Since there’s no big war. Lexi: Since big war over women go home back house. Alana: [laughing] Um... Lexi: Wear night club clothes work. Alana: Oh - Yeah wear nightclub clothes work. So just some statistics there are four hundred women in the 588th night bomber regiment. They flew thirty thousand missions and dropped twenty three thousand tons of bombs and they were the most decorated unit in the Red Army and here's where- do you guys wanna like real fast guess how this story ends. Lexi: They were decommissioned when the war ended. Alana: They were disbanded six months after World War Two ended. Haley: There we go. Alana: And they were not allowed in the victory parades because- Haley: Yup. Alana: - their planes were too slow. Haley: That tracks. Lexi: Yup, that makes sense. Alana: So that's fun. Lexi: Big war over, go back house. Alana: [laughs] War over, go back house. And they didn't and then the USSR like collapsed and one of the women who is living in like Latvia I think is not allowed to wear her, her like military medals because of how– Lexi: Oh because she’s a veteran of the USSR but then they left the USSR. Alana: Because she's not a citizen of Latvia and she’s not a citizen of the USSR. Like she's a citizen of the USSR. Lexi: Right. Alana It is really tragic to read about. And this guy was like twenty one year olds today wear nightclub clothes to work. I'm like well some of them work at nightclubs so shut up. Um and that made me real, real mad. To read that article. But it’s important. Lexi: But you learned about the cool women. Even if it was- Alana: I did learn about the cool women and I learned about how much they liked each other. Uh it made me feel really good. That they were like, yeah. Lexi: Sisterhood. Alana: Women supporting women. Lexi: The sisterhood of the flying - Haley: pants. Lexi: brooms. The flying pants. Alana: The flying pants. The sisterhood of the shitty airplane. Lexi: [laughs] Yes! The sisterhood of the shitty airplane. Haley: The little airplane that could. Alana: Little airplane that could, exactly. Lexi: That would make a great anime. Alana: That would make a great anime. Haley: Right Lex you wanna roll us of or Alana do you have more of your story? Alana: No I'm good. Lexi: So the reason that I knew that the story of your, your group of women ended with them being decommissioned is because I have the American equivalent story to your story. Alana: Gasp Haley: We just went full circle. Lexi: Let me tell ya. Alana: Full circle we did it. We did segues you guys. Lexi: We did it. So did you guys know that before there was ever a man on the moon there was a woman who wanted to go to space. Alana: That makes sense. Haley: That tracks. Alana: I did not know that but that makes sense. Lexi: I'm gonna tell you her story. Jacquelyn Cochran was born with the name Bessie Lee Pittman in nineteen 1906 in Pensacola, Florida which is one of my favorite city names to say so I'm very happy that's where she was born I find Pensacola to be a very funny word and she was the youngest of five children. Her father worked as a millwright so they traveled around Florida he built mills to mill things and later in life Jackie would claim that she was adopted and raised in poverty but in reality this was her biological family and while they weren't rich they lived a pretty average life and there was always food on the table and they always had like what they needed to survive a very average life for people in the early nineteen hundreds and in 1920 when she was just fourteen she married Robert Cochran who was how she got the Cochran name and the couple had one child who was named Jack and he died really young so when Jackie decided to leave Robert she adopted the name Jacqueline Cochran so she kept her married name and she used the name Jacqueline to honor her son who passed away really on. And she left Robert because she was like not about being a young wife and she moved to New York City where she was able to land a job working at Saks Fifth Avenue which at the time was like the thing to do department stores were brand new. Haley: Oh yeah. Lexi:. . . like it was awesome to be there and she became a hairdresser and stylist and she was doing cosmetic work at Saks Fifth Avenue which at the time was like the glamorous job and. . . Haley: This is giving me some Marvelous Mrs Maisel vibes. Lexi: Yeah exactly. Alana: I was just gonna say that. Lexi: Like if you were a young hot woman this was the job for you so um, while she was working in New York, Jackie met the man who would become her second husband Floyd Bostwick Odlum and Floyd was a CEO. He was at the time one of the richest man in the world -like- some sources say he was in the top ten richest man and he offered to help her start a beauty business under her own name and she was like that's a great idea I love beauty stuff but at the time he was still married to another woman so they had to put a hold on that project until he can get a divorce. Also while working in New York Jackie became enamored with aviation and she saw a plane and her friend was like do you want to go in the plane I'll put you on the plane and so she started taking flying lessons in the 1930s at Roosevelt airfield which is located on Long Island so super close to where she was working in New York. She started to fly and she earned her commercial pilot's license with just two years of flight experience and you do have to log a lot of hours to get your commercial pilot's license so she must've flown a lot in those two years. And in 1936 Floyd finally left his poo poo first wife and married Jackie and they founded a cosmetics line and because of her new found obsession with flight they called the cosmetics line Wings to Beauty. Haley: I love that. Lexi: Hoping to capitalize on Jackie's unique position as a female aviator Jackie went on a promotional tour and she flew across the country to promote her new beauty products and since it was a -like- airplane themed thing they thought you know that'll be that'll be cool. Alana: Winged eyeliner. Lexi: Yeah and because her husband- Alana: We’ve come full circle. Lexi: I know, I know. And as her husband was so influential and stuff he was even able to get celebrities like Marilyn Monroe to like wear her lipstick to like promote it. So you would think this is just some cute girl who has a plane, a cute rich girl with planes and cosmetics but the truth is Jackie was a badass. Haley: Of course. Alana: I already thought she was a badass. She truly contains multitudes. Lexi: She does. So while she was like an icon of the beauty industry what truly makes her story so interesting is this dichotomy that not only was she like a beauty icon and an aviator but she was like one of the best pilots of all time. In 1937 Jackie set the world's women speed record in flight so she flew the fastest a woman had ever flown in a plane in 1937 that same year Jackie was the only woman to compete in the Bendix race, Bendix race I might be saying that wrong but it was a famous race for planes, plane racing the competitors flew from Burbank to Cleveland nonstop and the fastest time was the winner. She was not the first woman ever to fly the Bendix Ameila Earhart actually flew it two years earlier but the difference is Amelia got fifth place when she flew in 1935, the second year Jackie flew which is 1938 she won. She was the fastest person, she beat the man in the race and that that race was really not accepting to women it was very hard for women to get in it, so was a big deal that a woman had beaten up on the man in the race and then she set a transcontinental speed record and broke barriers by setting new altitude records, so she flew higher than men had flown in a lot of places. So prior to the United States joining the war effort in World War two, Jackie didn't want to just sit on her butt. She was really upset about what was happening in Europe and she knew she wanted to do something. So American companies were building aircrafts to supply the British military with planes and so Jackie joined an organization with a bunch of other aviators that was called Wings for Britain not to be confused with Wings to Beauty and it was an organization for a elite American pilots who flew newly constructed military aircrafts to Britain to support the war effort and by participating in this organization Jackie actually became the first woman to fly a bomber plane across the Atlantic Ocean, because she had to get it to Britain. Speaker 1: And um that was just the beginning of Jackie's participation the war effort she got really devoted to it and she became really passionate about it, so while she was in Britain she helped the Royal Air Force recruit qualified female pilots from the United States to participate in their Air Transport Auxiliary which it was a group, an organization, that ferried items. So they didn't drop bombs, they were non combat, but they carried supplies so they would carry supplies to the army or the airforce or like carry things from one place- point A to point B. And she basically helped them recruit American women because America was not yet involved in the war and she was actually given the rank of Flight Captain in the British Air Transport Auxiliary, a rank that's actually called into the position of Major in the U. S. Air Force because she was so active in recruiting and training women while she was there. And in 1939 Jackie wrote a letter to the White House back in the US and she addressed it to the First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt because she knew that a fellow woman would listen to her she didn't think if she sent it to Mr Roosevelt it would get read. She knew Eleanor would read it, because she probably heard of her beauty products and she probably knew that she was this famous aviatrix and so she sent it to Eleanor and... Alana: Aviatrix is one of my favorite words. Lexi: I know it’s a good word. Alana: You like Pensacola, I’m like aviatrix. Lexi: An aviatrix born in Pensacola. Um so she proposed starting an American version of this auxiliary, an American Army Air Force auxiliary of women who were non combat pilots and Jackie argued that women can complete all of the non combat aviation jobs, thus freeing up more male pilots for direct combat as America became more involved in the war. So you know what we're about to get a war where a lot of guys are going to die, a lot of bomber planes are going to go down, and you might need women who are already trained pilots to come in and help you because it takes a long time to learn how to fly a plane. And there are all these women who are flying planes already. So this organization would be the American equivalent of that auxiliary in Britain and at the time the army like not the Air Force army which at the time the army and Air Force America were one thing but the Air Force was like under the army branch so the army itself had started the WAC, which is the women's army auxiliary corps program and it gave non combat jobs to women so they could work in the army army not the air force part of the army and Jackie felt it was possible to expand that to the people in the air so from the land to the air they could include the auxiliary for women so despite the shortage of qualified men who are pilots there was hesitation to Jackie's proposal from leaders in the U. S. military they were like we can’t have women flying planes. And so Lt. General Henry H. Arnold whose nickname was haps which is the lamest nickname I've ever heard. Alana: It’s like, it’s like um, in your yearbook have a great summer hags. Lexi: HAGS. Um so he asked Jackie to find out how many female pilots there were and to recruit and take American women to Britain and observe the auxiliary that was there and then use that information that her in those women could gain to possibly found their own American group. It was like I don't want to test this here but if you keep bringing women over to America er it's over to Britain which she was already doing if that goes well, maybe I'll let you approve doing that in America. So then in 1943 which was 4 years after she came up with this idea the WASPS were born and I would just like to say that the WASPS is the coolest name and the fact that we don't have that name in our military anymore especially for pilots because wasps fly. It's really sad so WASPS stands for women's airforce service pilots and this was a group where Jackie was the director and another female pilot named Lovelace was like the co director she's also really famous really popular so if you're interested in female pilots, check her out, but basically in this role Jackie supervised the training of hundreds of female pilots and they became part of World War 2 effort. They transported items, they never saw combat, they were not as dope as the Night Witches. And first service during World War 2 Jackie earned a Distinguished Service Medal, which at the time many women did not earn these types of honors it was a really big deal that she earned that award and the WASPS were disbanded after the war ended. And Jackie was hired as a magazine reporter. She just moved on with her life what somewhere else and the WASPs were never to be seen again, and to be fair now women can become pilots in the modern Air Force but it is a little sad that we don't have anything called the WASPS anymore. Haley: Are there any other like acro-names? Names for- Lexi: Yes. It’s in WACS, the WASPS, and the WAVEs. The WACS in the army, the WAVES in the Navy and the WASPS are the airforce, during uh World War II. Haley: Uh, WAVEs like the ocean. Lexi: YES. If you don't know a lot about women's participation in World War 2, I have recently become a nerd about it - mainly because the names are good and the recruitment posters are even better. I would have probably signed up, just from the propaganda. Alana: Just from the propaganda no Lexi! Lexi: So yes, so she became a magazine reporter. She traveled the world and the purpose of her going around was to document like post war life like how were different parts of the world adjusting to post war life. She was even at like the Nuremburg trials and stuff. Like she was really involved in post war were to break down. And she actually became the first non-Japanese woman to set foot on Japanese soil after the end of World War 2. Which is like pretty crazy. She just flew in there, landed, got off the plane. Um in 1948 Jackie joined the Air Force Reserve. She was one of the first women to actually technically become a member of the Air Force by serving in the reserves because technically the WASPs were an auxiliary. And she remained a member until 1970, so majority of her life she was in the reserves in case there would ever be another war effort she would need to participate in, she wanted to be ready to go, ready for battle. And during this part of her flying career she actually attained the rank of Colonel which is like a really high rank in military systems, so she was very well renowned and regarded. And Jackie was the first woman to break the sound barrier on 5/18/1953 she flew 652 miles per hour to break the sound barrier. They called her the supersonic lady in the news articles which is pretty cool. Alana: That’s the nickname. Lexi: In the 1960s Jackie wanted to go further than the sky. She wanted to go to space. And she became a financial sponsor of the women's Mercury program. There'd been a man's mercury program which had basically been a program to test people to see if they would make good astronauts and so the doctor that did that was like women would be really good in space why don't I test them. So the Mercury program was intended to train women to become astronauts and the belief was that women would make great astronauts because they were on average smaller so they were less weight and less height and they usually consumes less water, food and oxygen then men apparently. I didn't know that I thought I, I think I eat a lot but you know what now I think about it maybe my brother eats more than me so I guess it’s good. Alana: That's the same logic that they're using like they're talking about the first manned like manned mission to Mars is possibly going to be all women because they take up less space and don't come as much. Haley: Because we’re tiny. Lexi: They’re a littler people, but not really. Alana: It’s true. Lexi: I mean on average we are shorter so that's why. So Jackie was really frustrated because the the male doctor who is doing the testing for Mercury. Of course, it was a male doctor. He had really strict age requirements. He wanted the women to be like in their twenties - very young, very fit and he would not allow married women or single mothers to participate so if you were married or had children you could not participate in this program. And Jackie was married and 50 and so she was a little teed off because the whole reason that her and her husband were drowning money into this is because she was going to become the first woman in space. Yes- she was in her fifties, she was married, she technically did not qualify, but she convinced the doctor to let her participate in the test along with the 19 other women. So they selected 20 people total including Jackie and the tests were really intense. They had icy water shot at their face to induce vertigo. Haley: Ugh. Lexi: They Were put in deprivation tanks to disturb their sensory functions and see what would happen when they were like deprived of all their senses. Alana: Now that's like at like a health fad craze. Haley: Yeah. Lexi: That's true, that's true I've seen people do it. Rhett and Link did it on their show. Haley: Are those like the salts pods, cause I've done the salts pods where its like they- Lexi: I don’t know..They put you on a thing and close the lid and you can't- Haley: Yeah yeah so I’ve kinda done that where it's like I’ve done one where it's a salty as the dead sea, so you float, and you're in like the pod and it's completely dark and you just like float there. The only light is like the one green light so you know like where the button is if you're like anin sos mode but it's supposed to release like toxins like because your body is kind of just letting itself go in a sense. Alana: Everything releases toxins. Haley: Yeah. Alana: Cleanse your soul, clean it. Haley: I honestly- Alana: Your soul is dirty. Haley: I felt like high or like lighter. It felt really weird afterwards. It was not like it's not an experience I want to do again. Lexi: Yeah I mean these women did not like it and Jackie did not pass the test. 13 pilots did pass. So they had 20 female pilots to start, 13 passed, 7 were not selected, Jackie being one. Haley: How pissed was she? Lexi: There are there are like- There is evidence to suggest that she like screamed and flipped out. There like first hand accounts from other female pilots who were there that like she was like cursing out the doctor but he told her she had underlying heart conditions that she didn't know she had and that she should probably stop flying all together which is like you don't tell someone that when that's their life you know. So they called these pilots that Mercury 13 and they were going to be- stop being pilots and become astronauts. So most of these women, they quit their jobs they told their families I'm heading out they were going to move to Florida where the training base for astronauts was at the time and this at this point NASA not yet- it was like not yet completely in charge. The Air Force is actually doing most of the astronaut training and then later it would go under NASA does not make sense so the Air Force was highly involved in this so these women were going to go to where the Air Force's training astronauts. A week before they were supposed to leave, the program was canceled and the women were told not to report for training. And the 13 women never made it to space. There are cute little pictures of them as old ladies from like 20 years ago where they're like we almost when into space.Uwu. And it's so sad because these women were supposed to be the first woman in space. So Jackie spent the rest of her life advocating her belief that women were fit for space and that women made sense as astronauts. Unfortunately, Jackie passed away in August 1980, which is a little less than 3 years before Sally Ride was sent into space, so she never saw a woman go to space. Even though that was like her life, life dream. Alana: Cartoon frowny face. Frowny face emoji. I love- I love that story because I feel like we could talk about her for a zillion other episodes like we could talk about her for women in business, we can talk about her for like women in combat obviously like women in space… What was the other thing? Women in journalism for that thing… Haley: And fashion! Lexi: Women who have been to Japan… Alana: She just seems really cool. I like her. That was a good story. Lexi: Women from Pensacola Florida… Alana: Women from Pensacola Florida… Lexi: Haley’s yawning you wanna hit ‘em with an outro Haley: Yeah. Alana: Are you ready? Haley: Yeah. Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram @ladyhistorypod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on ladyhistorypod.tumblr.com. If you like the show leave us a review or tell your friends and if you don't like the show keep it to yourself. Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us and we will not see you but you will hear us next time on Lady History. OUTRO MUSIC Haley: Next week on lady history we're talking about pirates, Lexi and Alana: Yaaaaaargh Haley: So get your eye patches ready. Alana: Oh my god.

Another bullshit update on life in general

Work has kept me busy, and I’ve been trying to get more done creatively and around the house, as well.

This was the first weekend in awhile I didn’t do any (or much) meal prep, since we had enough in the freezer to last us for all the dinners this week, and even a few lunches for Marc.  I made a dozen eggs, cut up and roasted almost 5 lbs of potatoes, and called it a day.

I cancelled the physical therapist, because between work, gym, housekeeping and trying to do something other than being a machine I did not have time for an additional two rounds of exercises every single day.  We were getting up at 5 AM, leaving for work at 6:30 AM, leaving work for home at 5 PM, getting home from the gym around 7, then eating for a half hour.  It was not going to happen.

We ended up cancelling the gym membership, because -- as much as we want to go -- we are just too tired and hungry after an hour-long commute to be like, “Yay, let’s do something tedious and exhausting for a half hour!”

The long term goal was to cancel the membership anyway, however.  I told Marc I want us to concentrate on finishing the sheetrock in the former “cat room” this coming weekend so that we actually use it for its intended purpose, which was exercise.  I have that barre I bought last year that I haven’t had time or room to use even once, and the treadmill and hand weights is just sitting and collecting dust.  So anyway, that’s the plan for next weekend.

We will also be fostering two cats in the next couple weeks, and trying to find them a home.  Long story short we met an artist at one of the galleries downtown, very nice guy, and his friend or nephew or I forget has recently knocked up his girlfriend and decided, “Well, we need to move and get rid of the cats I guess!”

So they’re two year-old sisters, and he wants them to stay together, which is fine.  Like Rosie, they actually look very young, like maybe only 5 months old.  They have never been to the vet in their life, so no shots, and neither of them are fixed, which means it will be on us to take care of all that before they get adopted out.  I’m sure he’s going to be a great Dad [/sarcasm].

When Marc found out that the cats needed a full vet workup, including spay, he was initially resistant due to the cost.  I said okay, if you’re not comfortable with it you’re not comfortable with it, and went upstairs to investigate our options.  The Walmart just opened up a “Vet IQ” clinic that does basic veterinary care, and we can utilize a local spay clinic for about $50 per cat, so on that end alone we’d be shelling out less than $300 (there’s always food and litter, of course).

After awhile Marc came up and was like, “I think I was a little hasty, I’m sure we can make it work.” After I told him the anticipated costs he was much more into it, so that’s good.  Hopefully we won’t have any trouble finding a home for them.

Rosie is doing well at feeding time in her crate!  It has not stopped her from being an absolute maniac spaz about food, but there is almost no growling at all while she eats now.  She goes in her crate, Marc covers it up with a towel, and she eats with seemingly less hysterical anxiety.  I’ll call it a tentative win.

Rosie, by the way, loves Bones. Bones can usually take her or leave her, although his tolerance level is much higher when she’s not acting the spaz, although you see moments of affection for her as well.  She greets him with a nice long body rub when they cross paths, and yesterday Marc caught him grooming her head.  It does my heart good.

At the risk of jinxing myself, I’ve been doing much better at bowling for the past few weeks!  I did decently at league on Friday, and when we went for our Sunday practice I had a series of something like 145, 106 and 140.  Considering I was lucky to break 100 a couple months ago I’m feeling very encouraged.

What has worked for me, honestly, is throwing out a lot of convention wisdom.  Marc has always been very patient with me, explaining game theory and approach and all that, but no matter how much I tried to put it all together it just wasn’t working.  And I was really, really trying.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was chatting with someone about Dyscalculia, and did a bit more casual reading about it.  I was reminded that it often causes issues with spatial awareness, something I can absolutely vouch for (I actually suspect it’s part of what’s caused me to have such persistent problems with perspective and anatomy over the years, although that’s a discussion for another time.)

So I started keeping that in mind when we play: I used the techniques that I knew were helpful, but in any aspect where I was supposed to do one thing, but consistently got unexpected and problematic results, I tried to go more by “feel”.

It’s hard to explain why this works, but it has so far.  Basically, I had to throw out the notion of bowling at “angles”, and became more of a straight-shooter, keeping in mind that my ball does have a tendency to hook left.  I got something like 3 or 4 strikes in one game on Friday!

Which is not to say that I’m suddenly a good bowler, because I’m not, but I’m better, which is what I wanted.  What’s annoying is when (admittedly well-meaning) people are like, “Here’s what you’re doing wrong!” and try to teach me about techniques which I already know, but which just don’t work for me.

This happened two weeks ago I think, and I’m sure the lady meant well, but she also was ignoring me when I said multiple fucking times, “I understand, but I have spatial awareness problems, that doesn’t work for me.”

Like, repeating something at me over and over is not going to make it any more true.  I hear what you’re saying, you’re just wrong.

So in other news I finished two more of the Mori Girl Cats, and that dumb little werewolf thing that was strictly for my own amusement.  (Someone was like, “That would make a great t-shirt,” and haha, I’m not fucking falling for that one again.)  I also organized the office / computer area of the Geek Room, we stashed away the last of the convention stuff, and it feels much more clean and open and neat.  A place I actually want to hang out, and not anxiously work while avoiding the pile of shit sitting behind me!

Last night I also installed Sims 3 and treated myself to a handful of expansion and “stuff” packs.  I only had enough time to create one Sim last night, but I already look forward to giving him a cold.

…*cough*...

Unrelated, but I meant to talk about something that happened last Wednesday, when I was out running my Mom around to her appointments and whatnot.

So… for anyone who didn’t follow me on Facebook or my old Tumblr, the short version is that my Mom and I have a very long and complicated history. She was not a very good mother, she is a textbook covert narcissist.  She was an alcoholic for many, many years which caused serious and life-altering problems for me as a teenager and young adult, and after she got sober she transitioned to a prescription drug addiction which further deteriorated our already tenuous and fraught relationship, and landed both her and my stepfather in financial ruin.

About a year and a half ago, to help save them from the road to homelessness, we helped them sell their old house and moved them to Bucks County to live about 10 minutes from us, in a mobile home park.  We helped them get it fixed up, we help with maintenance, running errands, etc.  It’s a very cute little house, and although it took some time I think they see that now, and that their lives are better off.

When they first moved up here my mother was still on prescription drugs, but she very quickly found that it was impossible to find a new doctor to continue prescribing her the same pharmaceutical cocktails she wanted.  And boy did she fucking try. She’s already changed doctors at least three or four times since moving here, whipping out her favorite refrain of “I don’t think this doctor knows what they’re talking about!” every time they’re like, “Yeah, you don’t need to be on a steady stream of opiates.”

Eventually the lack of drugs caught up with her, the withdrawal passed, and for the past year or so she and I have actually gotten along okay.  She is still, and always will be, a difficult person, and I worry about whether or not she’ll find a doctor to start filling prescriptions again, but until then things are… okayish.

Anyway, that’s the long back story.

Back when they were still living at their old house, Marc and I would periodically go to visit them.  My Mom was always drugged out of her gourd, so I fucking hated going, but I had to do my duty, and she made every excuse imagineable for why she couldn’t come visit us.  So once a month we’d pack up, trek over to her house, order take-out, hang out for a while, then go back home again.

Except my Mother would do this thing where, after the food arrived, she would put the plates out, and then she would continue to gather plates and reorganize the kitchen while everyone was sitting down, serving themselves and eating.  

Like, the food would be on the table, we’d all be halfway through our meals and well on our way to being done, and my Mom would still be in the kitchen sorting around in the drawers for a mystery spoon or bowl that she needed, then finding it, washing it out, drying it, realizing it was the wrong one, putting it away, etc.

Eventually she would come out while everyone else was finishing up, serve herself a tablespoon of food, eat half, and then talk about how full she was.

For a while we would be like, “Mom… everyone is eating. We have everything we need. We literally don’t need anything else. Just come in and eat,” and she would ignore us.  Eventually I just stopped caring, and let her do her thing while the rest of us ate.  The sooner we finished the sooner we could leave.

I don’t know how else to describe her behavior apart from manic.  Like, when it was time to order, if I asked her for a menu, she would bring me the menu, and for fifteen minutes after I had called to place the order she would still be rooting through the drawers looking for more / other menus.  She would get herself so worked up that sometimes while we were sitting downstairs hanging out she’d have to go up and be sick.

All this just to give you a sense of what she used to be like.

Anyway.  I’m driving her home from an appointment on Wednesday, and she’s commenting how all of us just naturally turn into their mothers as we get older, even though we don’t want to.  In that I stayed dead silent through this observation I think she recognized that I disagreed.  So then she moved on to how different some daughters are from their mothers, especially in the kitchen.

And she said to me, “Like when I cook, I have to clean as I go along, I can’t just put everything in the sink until later.  Remember when you used to come over to eat, and you’d say to me, ‘Mom, come and eat, the food is ready!’ and I’d be so busy cleaning up that I wouldn’t even realize!”

And I’m like, “....”

Because that’s not what happened.  That’s not even fucking remotely what happened.  So she has spun the reality where she is an out-of-control manic drug addict and spun it into a funny story about how she’s such a neat freak that she doesn’t realize it’s time to eat.

I was sorely tempted to correct her, but at the last second realized it wouldn’t make a difference either way.  She is never going to look back on her behavior with any kind of clarity, and trying to force her to do so would just make the day end on a sour note.  If she wants to live in delusion, that’s on her.  I can tolerate it, but I’m certainly not going to feed into it by saying something like, “Yes, that’s precisely how it happened.”

She’ll have to learn to interpret the silence on her own.

Anyway, I guess that’s it.  Greatly looking forward to getting home and having a nice night on the couch, or maybe playing Sims some more.  I may even make some tea.

I hope all of you are doing well <3