#apparently I still had Things To Say about Cad
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articles about the “wild new trend” of piercing from the late ‘50s and early ‘60s are fascinating to read. a selection of excerpts:
- one doctor cautioned that girls with pierced ears would be “required to constantly wear earrings to hide the holes in their heads” (or you could just not be weird about a tiny dot on someone else’s earlobe?)
- Genevieve Dariaux, then director of the Nina Ricci couture house, said in 1965 that “Pierced ears are unthinkable for an elegant woman, and even more dreadful for a young girl.” bear in mind that, as I’ve said, earrings that made your ears LOOK pierced were still common. what the difference was, nobody has yet made plain
- lots of evidence that going to a doctor was the preferred “safe” method for piercing at the time. but many doctors refused to do it, or said they would but that they strongly discouraged patients from having the procedure done. this checks out with my mother’s experience in 1965- her schoolmate’s anesthesiologist father did free piercing for all his daughter’s friends
- some teenagers around 1965 called clip and screwback earrings “chicken earrings” (implying that the wearers were too scared of pain to get their ears pierced, I think)
- one advice column, also from 1965, implied that pierced ears were just a passing fad. the previous several centuries of western history would like a word, Mx. Columnist...
- A GIRL WITH RESTRICTIVE PARENTS BRINGING UP THE ARGUMENT THAT HER GRANDMOTHER HAD PIERCED EARS. YES. FINALLY SOMEONE REALIZED THE LOGICAL FALLACIES HERE. the argument against that is, indeed, a sort of “that was the Bad Old Days and we know better now” deal as some other commenters have hypothesized
- one article mentions that the trend could be part of the Victorian revival that was just becoming popular in the mid-60s, which is a fascinating thought I’ve never considered before
- many doctors complaining that they were suddenly being called upon to pierce ears despite not really knowing how. this is interesting, because before the Great Ear-Piercing Taboo, jewelers offering piercing services were more like modern piercers than Claire’s employees (and doctors weren’t involved at all unless an infection set in). descriptions I’ve read of Victorian piercer-jewelers mention a lot of things we’re familiar with today- needles designed with a hollow for inserting the starter jewelry, for example, and even “freezing” solutions to numb the earlobe. so in those early resurgence days, going to a long-established jewelry store for your piercing might actually have been a better option than a doctor’s office
- two young women in a 1964 Canadian article (from Calgary) mention that they think screwback earrings look cheap and gaudy, and the pierced version is more conservative and tasteful, in an interesting reversal of mainstream thought
- a newspaper columnist saying pierced ears give him “the wim-wams,” so they are to be avoided. whatever the hell that means
- a LOT of people seem to think that ear piercing was popular in the Victorian era because wealthy women didn’t want to lose their expensive jewelry. sorry folks- my collection of Victorian costume earrings (all pierced) says otherwise
- much confusion as to why modern girls want to do something so old-fashioned
- one woman marvels at how comfortable it is to wear earrings in pierced ears, as opposed to clips and screwbacks. I feel infinitely blessed, as an earring-lover, to have been born when I could escape the scourge of ear-vises altogether
- apparently an eccentric elderly man on Salt Spring Island, British Columbia, literally bribed all the women of the community to pierce their ears because he liked the way it looked. one of them mentioned that she held out for $25- $244 CAD or $188 USD in today’s money. all because some rich Victwardian codger had a very specific fetish
- this absolutely incredible response of an Indian diplomat’s wife when asked, in New York, why she wore a diamond nose stud: “Because I feel [diamonds] become me more than rubies or emeralds.” QUEEN
- “when the fad changes, as it indubitably will-” are you certain of that, ma’am
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I feel a little bad for the MP creator. She worked really hard on the show, working every day to the point where it was bad for her own mental health. But that didn't change the fact that the series had bad writing and problematic characters. I want to make my own animated stories, but I never really stop to thought about it.
We should work as hard and put as much effort into the story writing as we work on other elements. Not just being in a "hurry" to get it over with so other people can see it.
Sometimes it's even scary to imagine someone reviewing my story like you did with MP. Not because I don't want to take criticism, but imagine seeing a video of more than an hour showing how bad your story turns out to be because you couldn't figure it out on your own lol
But I also doubt that the creator of MP didn't get even a single criticism or any warning of how Hover's relationship with Nothing was toxic and other things. It must have been the belief of "well, there's a lot of people in the comments saying they liked it, so I guess it's okay!". Because even today there are people defending Hover for what she did, and those kind of fans don't help much either.
Several things to take into account here about MP's creator:
She's a professional with experience in the industry. Apparently, her LinkedIn page backs this up.
She apparently majored in creative writing.
She both had beta writers and an editor helping her with MP's script writing.
She asked for critique several times during the show's production. In all areas. Whether that be disability representation, sound design or whatever. She asked, and she received. I know this because she sent a Google Doc to myself and about ten others to write in and tell her what we thought about Episode 1.
I personally feel she took none of the criticism in that doc on board, as I remember critiquing the music being overused and ruining the mood of certain scenes and it remained very much the same.
The above is especially important to point out because we've had people insinuate once or twice that we're assholes for critiquing somebody's work "without their permission". All we did was take the critique given to the creator when she requested it and condensed it all into one singular video essay.
MP's creator had many, many opportunities to correct the wrongs that many pointed out in her handling of certain themes in the story, long before our analysis was a thing. The whole reason we made the analysis is because both she and her fans would just sweep any criticism under the rug and we felt it needed to be heard more.
I'm sorry that making this show was not the experience she thought it was going to be. However, that still does not excuse asking people for assistance, wasting their time and then doubling down on the more concerning aspects of your writing that has been pointed out. Such as Nothing's name, Hover's behaviour in Episode 5 or Lite's characterisation.
It's also worth noting that we tried to be as nice as possible with our analysis? We never aimed to tear this creator a new one. The goal of the analysis was and always has been to educate people on how NOT to handle the themes that we felt My Pride took on and mishandled. We tried to be constructive and educational as a result.
My Pride was also not what I would describe as an "indie" series. It was not only handled by someone with experience in the industry, it had a budget of around $100,000-$150,000 CAD (the exact number is unknown but that's the range) and it had an entire team handling it. It is NOT on the same level as other indie series on YT that we're all familiar with, which are generally only made by one or two individuals in their spare time and volunteer voice actors. This was a paid production and, with this budget, came many, many opportunities to do better that other creators on YT can only dream about.
So, with that said: we had different expectations for My Pride as opposed to other YT series. Not only was it made by a professional and a team of editors helping her, it was made by a professional who asked numerous times for help but - for whatever reason - chose not to take advantage of the assistance she gained. There's not being perfect and then there's just being aware of issues but ploughing on regardless.
The deal with Nothing's name will always make me angry. It just felt like a massive 'fuck you' to every disabled individual and their mother who consistently expressed concerns about it.
Good for you if you're disabled and find no harm in it. For me, it'll always leave a bad taste in my mouth. It felt like the creator decided that socking it to "the Twitter crowd" or anyone who openly disliked the name was more important than giving Nothing the agency she deserved. Regardless of whether or not that was her plan to begin with (even though Hobblestep got a name change in My Pride's original story), I can't get behind that.
It is why we put a lot of importance on our audience critiquing our work and bringing up any concerns to us. Our goal is to deliver a story where both LGBT+ and disabled individuals can feel appreciated and seen. We do not want it to turn into a personal wet rag that reassures us that we are above critique when we're not.
If it is not purely about how 'boring' and 'safe unrealistic' our writing and characterisation is (because I'm not gonna bend my knee to people who think you need ableism in a pro-disability story for it to be entertaining), then we're willing to listen.
And that's the flip side of the coin, anon: we also encourage people to be constructive and kind when critiquing the work of others and only do it when permission has been granted.
We also expect folks to use discretion and sensitivity. Us critiquing My Pride is NOT on the same level as critiquing an amateur YT series made by a singular individual and unpaid voice actors.
If you're gonna come at our work or anybody's work out of pettiness and spite: you're also part of the problem. Simple. - RJ
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a comfort/angst idea for you seeing as you asked but its ok if you dont
reader doesnt like the 🦷dentist🦷 but has to go, and loki comes with and afterwards takes care of her
This one demanded to be a NatC mini-story. Anyone who’s read it knows why ;) Of course, this could be read as a standalone too!
"The Chair, Again"
A Nights at the Circus midquel oneshot
Pairing: Loki x Firebird!Reader
Summary: You have fond memories of your first time with Loki, but will those memories be enough to calm your nerves when you return to the scene for a less-pleasant reason?
Content Warning: mentions of dentist-y stuff, angst, comfort
Word Count: 1860
**Please reblog if you like it! Thanks!**
“Oh, one bite, pet, surely just one! These are delicious…”
You were quickly learning Loki’s games as the two of you grew closer, sneaking around and humping like rabbits behind closed doors. Your wits were on an equal plane, but once in a while, he couldn’t defend himself against your perception checks, and today, you were especially on guard.
Loki was holding up a shiny red apple, grinning and feigning innocence. “The Archer said his little family picked these just the other day, so they’re still crisp. Or perhaps there’s another reason you won’t partake?”
“Since when did you join the Apple Anti-Defamation League?” you barked back, defensively. “What if I just don't want one?”
“Oh, apples are your favorite,” your lover replied. “You’ve told me as much.”
You covertly ran your tongue over the reason you weren’t indulging in Loki’s temptation, and fought back a cringe when the now-familiar (but still painful) zing-sensation went up your face. The cavity was now an undeniable fact, which meant it was only a matter of time before you had to face the music.
Loki was not fooled. “Firebird, you’ve been in pain for days, and it becomes more apparent every time you attempt to eat something. It’s that tooth, isn’t it?”
You growled in displeasure. “...yeah. What’s it to you?”
“You know what I’m going to say, and I say it in earnest in spite of our rather quippish relationship…”
“...no.”
“Go downstairs and see the den--”
“--Jesus, Loki, you’re not my keeper,” you mumbled, holding your cheek as the annoying throbbing continued from your molar. “You know the only holes I want you worried about filling, and they’re not in this tooth.” You winked, hoping the suggestion would snap Loki out of his righteous attitude.
He laughed. “Your charms become harder to resist with each sunrise, but I’m afraid it won’t work for this particular scenario, pet.”
You twisted your lip, deciding to try again to go for the weak spot. “I mean, why taint the memories of that particular chair with something so…awful? Don’t you want to preserve the more lustful history of it?”
He scoffed. “Just because we christened the dental chair with our bodies doesn’t mean it cannot serve its primary purpose, pet. Remember, we were full of desire and need. If it wasn’t the dental chair, it would’ve been a counter or sofa or whatever we came across first.”
Damn, you thought, turning away from Loki, still holding your cheek, embarrassed. You heard him walk up behind you, and you felt two strong arms envelope you, as your hair began to betray your fears by smoldering with embers.
“I can go with you, if it’s allowed, and I’m certain it is,” he suggested.
You shook your head. “How would you explain to everyone that you’re holding my hand when they all still think we hate each other?”
Loki smiled. “When have I ever been unable to come up with an excuse?”
He held you tighter. “I think I preferred you when you were a cad,” you sighed, pausing for a moment. “...fine. But if things go wrong, I’m tearing your hand right off your wrist.”
Loki grabbed your shoulders, spinning you around to face him. He was smiling tenderly, a look of concern spreading across his eyes. “I will be looking forward to it, Y/N.”
Going downstairs to the infirmary felt like a death march, and what was worse was you had to keep up the act Loki concocted in order to cover your tracks as a covert couple, acting upset with him when all you really wanted was for him to take your arm in his and refuse to let go.
Of course, you met Steve on the stairs as you descended.
“Oh, now what has he done?” Steve growled, immediately triggered into his now-fully-annoying cavalier mode.
“Please, let us just go and get this over with,” you moaned, holding your cheek again.
Loki bit his lip, in character. “I’m afraid this time I may have overstepped a boundary. This is, admittedly, my doing.”
Steve’s face went red. “What did you DO to her?”
“She chipped a tooth on my cock, Rogers.”
You bit the inside of your cheek on the non-painful side to keep yourself from exploding in laughter as Steve shrank back.
“Y/N,” he said, turning to you, “You don't need this crass man to make things worse. I can take you to the dentist myself. I’m sure I can make you more comfortable during the procedure than--”
“--nonononono,” you quickly muttered. “I’d rather punish Loki by making him waste his time.”
Steve raised a suspicious eyebrow, then shrugged. “Suit yourself, I guess. And Loki, whatever happened, it had better not happen again or the Council will get a complaint.”
Loki smiled. “Next time, I’ll make sure it’s your own molars up against my shaft, Rogers. I didn’t realize you were feeling left out.”
Steve looked down, embarrassed as he walked away. “Shut…shut up.”
You continued on with the procession until you reached the infirmary, where the big blue chair awaited you. Two men in white coats were nearby, prepping the tools needed for the inevitable procedure. Bruce Banner was also there, but working on something different, it seemed. He was an MD, but you didn’t realize dentistry was among his talents.
“Bruce?” you asked, surprised to see him. “I wasn’t aware that one of your degrees was in dentistry.”
“It isn’t,” he replied. “These two are here for you,” he indicated the two in white. “I’m nearly done with something, and I’ll leave you all to your work in just a second.”
You didn’t notice you were trembling as Loki and the dentist escorted you to the chair, where you purposefully took your sweet time sitting down.
“I’m Dr. Masterson,” said the taller of the two in white, a man in middle age with brown eyes and salt-and-pepper hair. “And this is Victor, my assistant. Mr. Stark hired us especially for you. I promise we’ll take care of you, and you won’t feel a thing.”
“He comes highly recommended,” promised Bruce. “Tony said he’s as gentle as a lamb.”
“Coming from the violent green giant of the group, I’m not convinced,” you said quietly as Victor clipped a white paper bib around your neck. You sighed, tugging on it anxiously and looking around, your heart humming against your ribcage. Fuck, Y/N, what are you, five? Be an adult!
“I played a trick on her that went awry,” lied the God of Mischief. “In penance, I promised to sit with her. She’s not very fond of dentists.”
Dr. Masterson nodded. “I’m more than used to it. Victor, could you grab an extra stool while I take a look at Ms Y/N’s teeth?”
You involuntarily let out a nervous squeak as Dr. Masterson leaned the chair back and Victor returned with a stool for Loki, who sat down and took your left hand in both of his. Arranging the light over your face, Victor said, “you may want to close your eyes, it’s bright.”
You obeyed, gripping Loki’s hands so hard he grimaced. You could feel the picks prodding around until Dr. Masterson found the trouble spot, although you were grateful that he seemed to resist poking the hole in your tooth itself. “Oh, it’s actually not as bad as you think,” he noted. “It will only be about fifteen minutes until you’re all done.”
“That’s fifteen minutes too long,” you moaned, feeling anxious sweat beginning to bead your brow.
“If you’re that nervous, we do have some nitrous--”
“--okay, now we’re talking,” you said, nodding quickly, making Dr. Masterson laugh and Loki smile, both men amused.
“I take that as a yes to my offer.” Victor quickly set up the tank and slipped the nosepiece over your face. “Breathe deeply through your nose, and it’ll all be over before you know it, though you may get a little groggy and giggly.”
The last thing you remembered clearly before the drug-induced haze took your brain to an impressionist painting, was seeing Loki smiling and winking at you, and you felt his thumb running over your knuckles reassuringly.
After that, your mind was hovering above you, your body at ease. You felt the vague sensation of a needle against your gum that didn’t bother you, followed by a few minutes of a pretty obnoxious whirring noise. Of course, your eyes were closed the entire time, and your mind drifted back to weeks ago, when Loki was pinning you to the chair with his magic, running his lithe fingers all over your bare flesh, bringing you to the greatest pleasure you’d known up to that point.
As promised, what felt like only moments went by before you sensed from behind your eyelids that the light was pushed away and things were wrapping up. Opening your eyes, Dr. Masterson was looking down at you, and Loki had never let your hand go.
“How are we feeling, Ms. Y/N?” he asked, holding up a mirror. “Mind if I take one more look?”
Still under the effects of the gas as Victor removed the nosepiece, you nodded, the drugs giving you enough confidence to open your mouth without hesitation, making Loki smile again. “Everything’s looking good now,” said Dr. Masterston. “Although, you still have your wisdom teeth, I see. You might want to get those out at some point soon, though I imagine you aren’t in the mood for an encore right now.”
He took the mirror out of your mouth and removed his gloves and mask as Victor raised your chair and unclipped the bib from your chest. You wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, but the moment you shot out of the chair, a wave of post-gas dizziness disabled you, sending you back into the seat with a weak “whoa…”
“Oh, Y/N?” Loki asked with concern. “Are you alright?”
Victor shrugged. “It’s common. Give it ten minutes. I’ll get a cup of water.”
After the two professionals left the room, you breathed a deep sigh of relief, attempting to speak to the best of your ability though your numbed lips. “Fffank glod ithh over. Ath if I’m ever coming back to get my withdom teeth out.”
Loki chuckled and ran a gentle finger over your cheek, nodding with approval when you didn’t flinch. “The Good Doctor seems to know his work. I will admit, it was a fascinating operation to watch. Perhaps I should study dentistry.”
“Oh hewwwww nawh!” you said, shaking your head so briskly that your dizziness returned, sending you leaning back again, your head spinning. “You towtuwe me enough awwready.”
He kissed your forehead. “And you love it.”
You rolled your eyes quietly. “Ugh, I feel kwooky.”
“You were so brave,” your lover said quietly in your ear. “Once you’re feeling up to it, I’ll take you upstairs and put you to bed, and for being such a good girl, you get the reward of myself getting into bed next to you.”
You finally were able to summon a laugh. “I cannat argue wiff that.”
Nights at the Circus Masterlist HERE
Hope you enjoyed, Nonny and Nights taglist!
@huntress-artemis @el-zef @lokisgoodgirl @mochie85 @mischief2sarawr @michelleleewise @lokisninerealms @toozmanykids @xorpsbane @lokisasgardianvampirequeen @goblingirlsarah @thedistractedagglomeration @unlucky-number-13
#loki#fanfiction#mcu#mcu loki#loki fanfiction#mcu fanfiction#loki laufeyson#loki x reader#loki/reader#loki comfort#comfort fic#angst#anxiety#dental anxiety
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Hello! I’m interested in that redacted meta rant about Fjord and Caduceus’ friendship mentioned recently; especially in context of why Cad would bow out of this adventure.
Is the implication that he might want to see Fjord grow without further clerical guidance in regards to worship of the Wildmother?
Hi! So it's actually much simpler: Caduceus does not care for the ocean and very much wants to have some time to spend at home with his family. As he puts it in 2x141, he occasionally goes on walkabouts and adventures, but "every couple of years". It's been a few months since the campaign ended for this adventure; he is still having his Much Needed Downtime.
I think I do need to address the obvious which is that if Caduceus's Divine Intervention that resulted in Kingsley had failed, then yeah, Caduceus would probably be here. But it didn't, and this is the story, and it's not out of character for Caduceus to politely decline.
The reason I specifically mentioned this is that the fandom often assigns greater import to Caduceus and Fjord's relationship than there ultimately was. It's very understandable, but Caduceus and Fjord have long since realized that they are incredibly different people with rather incompatible ideals who worship very different aspects of one deity in very different ways. While the fandom often thought Fjord should become more and more like Caduceus, in-game, both characters fairly quickly come to understand that Fjord's arc is his own, and Caduceus plays a crucial part at the inflection point, but Fjord then continues on. They're friends! Everyone in the Nein is! But even setting aside Fjord's romantic relationship with Jester, he relates more to and is closer with Beau and Caleb than Caduceus, and both of them are well aware of that.
I'd have to do more digging than I have time for, to be honest, to find all the Talks and episode references, but Taliesin said that Caduceus does tend at times to see people like projects, and once Fjord is back on somewhat even footing - the reforged sword, the return of his pact magic, the tentative beginnings of a paladin oath - they have one more conversation, the one where he gives Fjord the holy symbol and talks about deception. It becomes pretty quickly apparent to Caduceus that actually, Fjord is pretty comfortable with his personal moral code, and needed guidance specific to the Wildmother but is going to follow his own path - as he should, since a paladin of the oceanic aspect of a deity would, logically, have a very different relationship to her than a cleric of the mortality and natural order aspects.
I don't want to diminish Caduceus's role in Fjord's development, because it is absolutely crucial, and I don't think anyone else could have been there for Fjord right after he broke his pact in 2x72 in quite the same way. But Fjord has been quite confident in how he worships the Wildmother since at least post-Rexxentrum arc, or at least confident that he needs to find his own way forward, which is why taking his oath is a private thing and why, pretty much from the start of the Eiselcross arc, his and Caduceus's relationship turns to more of a bantering one and even one in which Fjord is the one wondering what Caduceus might need and being the one on which Caduceus and others can rely on. (More generally...for all people talk about wanting more gray area w/r/t the deities, they actually really struggle to grasp the vastness of the Wildmother's domain and how Fjord and Caduceus are actually great examples of the diversity in-world in divine worship; this is frankly also a giant separate tangent but as always, I do blame evangelical protestantism.)
Basically what I was trying to say there is "Fjord and Caduceus are good friends, but if you're asking 'how could Fjord defeat Uk'otoa without Caduceus there', you clearly skipped the entire post-hiatus story in which Fjord does quite a lot without Caduceus's guidance, and Caduceus has his own quiet crisis that Fjord and Jester monitor from afar."
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I went down a few rabbit holes while researching the Advent Calendar last year, that didn't make it into the queue because they got too long or went too far afield. Here's one of them!
One thing you notice when you watch a bazillion videos about old games consoles is how the design of circuitry has evolved. If someone says 'circuit board' today, you think a light piece of leafy green board, filled with parallel lines of copper at 45° and 90° angles, dotted with lots of tiny inscrutable plastic and metal doodads. But it took a long, long time for them to get that way.
If you look at really old circuit boards -- and I mean really, really old circuit boards, like from the beginning of the transistor era, they look completely different. They're brownish, for one thing. And kind of... wiggly?
youtube
Apologies for the transfer quality. It's not your connection, it just sucks. This piece appears to be some sort of promo-tainment thing from Tektronix themselves, from 1969. The rounded corners and bluish fuzz at the edges is an effect called 'vignetting', and it means this is originally from a 16mm film reel. There's no earthly reason for film to look this terrible. The uncentered picture means someone copied it by pointing a camera at a projection screen instead of bothering to get a proper kinescope setup, and the fact that it only goes up to 240p makes me feel like it was originally transferred over two decades ago for RealPlayer and nobody bothered to fix it for YouTube. VHS is about 240 lines, but if this were a crap transfer from a VHS tape you'd also see scanlines. It's possible there's a better copy at VintageTek, a museum dedicated to the history of Tektronix; they are an all-volunteer institution, and they probably have more important things to funnel funding to than updating their YouTube channel.
Point being, it looks like porridge and I'm sorry, but at least the content is interesting.
The brownish color, which is actually from an evolutionary stage earlier than what's covered here, is because many early boards were milled of bakelite rather than electrodeposited onto a glass or fiberglas backplane. If you want to see some of what that might have been like, you can hop over to Usagi Electric. He uses CAD to mill boards, rather than the photochemical process described by Tektronix, but it's pretty much the same idea. He does a lot of it in pursuit of his mad obsession with building a vacuum tube computer here. (If you're curious, his logo says うさぎ電気, "Usagi Denki". "Usagi" is Japanese for rabbit or bunny -- there is one who appears at the end of some videos -- and the spelling of "denki" here specifically means electrics, as opposed to 電機, which is usually rendered electronics. It still pops up in the names of some engineering or technology firms, but generally only the really old ones.)
The wiggly nature of early boards is neatly explained by watching the drafting process, starting about three minutes into the video. It was originally done by hand. The rest of the half-hour video goes through the whole multi-stage process, but the gist is that when you lay out the board, you draw dark lines where you want the conductive traces to be on the final product. To get a consistent size, tape is used for "holes" and tape lines are uses for the traces. If you've ever used stripe tape in nail art, it was apparently something like that -- vinyl tape with a bit of stretch, so you could curve it around. It was a methodical sort of art form. Ever solved one of those "connect the same-color dots without crossing lines" puzzles? It's basically that. If you can't find a topologically-appropriate solution on a single plane, you can produce boards with traces on both the front and the back, as Tektronix does here, and these days you can actually bury traces in internal layers as well. It's just a pain and makes the cost go up exponentially.
The mention of "holes" is interesting. Early circuit boards were nothing but holes. Everything had legs and was soldered on from the underside. Today these are known as "through-hole mounted" components; the alternatives are "surface-mount" components, which are generally smaller and fiddlier to solder on by hand, but considerably easier to lay down and solder in place by machine. Surface-mount technology has been around since before this Tektronix piece, but remained NASA-grade esoterica until the automated assembly process became cost-effective in the 1990s. Today the conductive holes are referred to as "vias" and the little medal dots surface-mount things are soldered to are "pads".
I'll also note that they show the automatic soldering process for these boards late in the video. It involves skimming the boards across the surface of a pool of molten solder. Solder in the 1960s contained a lot of lead. I would not personally like to be in that room. Today a machine places little surface-mount doojiggers in place along with solder beads, and then melts it all very gently in a very hot oven until it all melds together, not unlike a pan of slightly too-runny cookies. If you do it right, the surface tension of the solder keeps it on the pads and out of the traces. This is particularly useful for placing CPUs, whose myriad tiny pins in a tight grid would be far too difficult to solder by hand, and the origin of "reflow" repairs for electronics that are exhibiting symptoms of flaky solder joints.
The "silkscreening" process here does not use silk, but originally it did -- it was invented in Asia, logically enough. The gist of it is that you take a piece of finely woven mesh, traditionally light silk but in modern times also metal or synthetic fiber, and you plug up all of the little holes in it in the areas where you don't want ink to get through it, usually with some sort of water-repellent substance. In the days of yore, you painted on some kind of sap or wax, but nowadays it's usually a light-sensitive plastic that's scraped across the whole mesh, topped with a stencil that is opaque where you want ink to flow, and exposed to UV light that sets the substance. The unset areas that were in shadow are rinsed clean, leaving the mesh permeable in those places. The ink emulsion is then applied to the printing surface beneath in the reverse process: Ink is spread across the mesh, then squeegeed through with enough force to push it through the holes in the weave and onto the surface beneath. The dots of ink bleed just enough to flow into one another, producing a solid area of pigment. The circuit board designs were originally drafted in black on a white background, then photographed and reduced to 1/4 their original size, and the film used as the stencil for the silkscreen.
Holes are drilled mostly by hand(!) in this clip, which is an error-prone process, as you can see from the Usagi Electrics guy. The worker uses what's called a pantograph drill. A pantograph is a device that translates motion from one place to another, often with a change in scale. Typically pantographs are mechanical in nature, based on the complimentary motion of opposite corners of a parallelogram, but you could make a pretty good argument that modern systems that accept movement inputs from a user and translate them elsewhere by computer are also members of the class. Robot-assisted surgery comes to mind. If you cared to have an even longer argument, you could also consider systems that scan items with laser photons in order to reproduce them on a lathe or CNC machine pantographs in spirit, if not in fact.
A visual or optical comparator is just a device that projects a magnified view of something up on a screen, along with a point, grid, or profile it needs to match, not unlike a microfiche viewer with a targeting reticule. They're still used in some areas, although software image processing is steadily gaining ground.
You'd be amazed at how many things still need a look-over by a human with a brain. The lack of human brains is how we got the sharply-angled board traces we have today, in fact. Computer-aided drafting was developed to a usable level in the 1980s, and predictably the people using it were mostly engineers. The kind of route-finding you do in those connect-the-dots puzzles, and that the electronics engineers did when drafting the boards, is one of those very slippery human things. You want to find the shortest path, to save on the precious metals you use as conductors, but the absolute shortest path (with reasonable tolerances) is often a very snaky curve that would require a large number of points to define. It's much simpler to work on a grid, hence the 45° and 90° angles -- this ensures that all trace paths can be defined exclusively by where their corners lie on a square coordinate system, and is much less calculation-intensive. This was a lot of what early graphics tablets (or digitizers) were used for, and some light pen systems.
Having watched my father do a lot of this as a kid, I gather that at least in modern CAD software, you can just pick things up and put them wherever you want, but that the autopathing gets very confused if you do it too much -- mostly it's better to let the computer figure out where the traces go and tell you if you want something impossible in 3D space. And if you screw up anyway, there's always blue wire.
Circuit boards don't have to be the ubiquitous green, either. That's just the color of the solder mask, a lacquer painted all over the parts of the board you don't want solder to stick to. It's mostly tradition at this point, but you can get boards in pretty much any color you like -- the second most common I've see is a dark navy blue, probably because copper traces and white silkscreening stand out best on those two colors. You're welcome to get neon purple, if you can find anyone offering it.
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Hondo would be that kind of mfer who would show up to Cad and Irno’s wedding despite being explicitly not invited.
So fun fact about Zeltron weddings: you don't actually need an invite to go to one. It's like a big block party! Complete strangers show up, wish the happy couple well, and get fucked up at the bar. It's a beautiful thing.
So it's not really crashing a wedding if there's no cultural concept of wedding crashing.
---
Cad Bane is a very... actually, he's a pretty happy man right now. Kind of impressive, considering the week he's had.
It's mostly because he's almost too drunk to stand. Zeltron liquor packs a punch and people have been sliding him shots all night: your brothers and your in-laws and your cousins and your neighbors and complete strangers that have shown up because Zeltron weddings are apparently a free-for-all...
But it's not every day he gets married. Why not cut loose a bit? You're off doing the same thing, probably.
...Where are you, anyways?
He scans the crowd for you, but the things he usually identifies you by are useless right now. Everyone here is pink, you're not in your usual attire, and he's seeing double.
...well, not everyone is pink. There are some Humans, a few Twi'leks, he thinks he saw Harch a few minutes ago, and a Weequay with a stupid hat...
He gets a stabbing pain right behind his eyes, and he knows it's not the liquor.
Hondo Ohnaka is drunk enough to slur a single word. "Cad!" he warbles. "Small galaxy!"
Ohnaka goes to embrace him, and, for the first time in forever, Bane lets him. He's in a good mood and he refuses to let Ohnaka ruin it.
"Hondo," he says. "Hell're ya doin' here?"
"Same thing as you! Party hopping!" He leans in conspiratorially. "The wedding bars are cheaper than regular ones!"
"Wouldn't know." A Zeltron shoves a drink into Bane's hand and says something that sounds like 'salute ya.' He considers tossing it back like the rest, but he hands it to Ohnaka. "Here."
Ohnaka grins and tosses it back. Over his shoulder, through a part in the crowd, Bane sees little Anthunia, her brow knit up in confusion. She spots him and trots right for him.
Anthunia crawls right between Ohnaka's legs. The pirate nearly trips over himself to get away as she pops up.
"I can't find my mama," she says loudly at Bane.
And here's his out.
"Probably with yer Auntie Irno," he says. "Go find 'er."
Ohnaka's brows shoot up as he hears your name. He lowers one as he peers at Bane.
Bane just shrugs. "Who's weddin' do ya think dis is?"
Both brows shoot up again, and then a grin splits Ohnaka's face. "You dog," he chuckles, shaking a finger. "One last fling before she's gone forever? Or are you the backdoor man?"
Bane wrinkles his rostrum. "Not in front of de kid," he says to Ohnaka. "Why don't ya go find de bride? Steal one last dance off 'er."
Ohnaka's grin grows wide and lecherous. Had he more faith in his coordination, Bane would have smacked him, but as it stands, he's barely standing.
He turns back to Athunia. "Bring dis guy to see yer aunt," he says. "He's an ol' friend."
Athunia appraises the pirate, her little hair puffs bouncing as she looks him up and down. But he meets whatever criteria she had, so she grabs his hand and drags him off into the crowd.
Bane waves him off. She'll be fine. She's a tough little cookie -- if she's not afraid of him, she definitely won't be afraid of Hondo.
Another shot gets shoved into his hand. He drinks this one, praying that it tastes a little bit better than the rest.
It does not. It still tastes like battery acid and it burns going down, adding to the uncreasingly inpleasant burn in his belly.
...unpleasantly increasant. Increasantly unpleasing. Increasing unpleasant--
A short, surprised shriek splits the air. Your shriek. If he sits up straight, he can see you staring wide-eyed at Ohnaka, hands over your mouth. Your mother, standing behind you, looks as confused as you are shocked.
And just like that, Ohnaka is officially not his problem anymore.
Bane throws back the rest of the shot and waves the bartender over for a chaser.
---
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The Deal
Cad Bane X she*her afab character
CN mentions of crime murder and violence, incredibly bad coping-mechanisms and breakups
Beta read by the amazing @queenquazar
Note: Reader is able-bodied.
Previously
You woke up to the humming sounds of a flying ship. You were warm, lying on something soft and comfortable. Opening your eyes, hyperspace spun past you in a blue abyss.
You sat up straight.
Kriff.
“You’re awake.”
You twitched, raising your hands in defence. The last memory you had was of that kid Boba firing a blaster at you.
“Calm down. You are safe.”
Still with your hands raised and foggy eyes you carefully looked around. Everything was dark and blurry. Slowly, the effect of the stun wore off and you started to see more: the little illuminated displays of a cockpit, the outline of the co-pilot seat you were sitting in, and the shadow of a person next to you in the pilot’s seat.
“Kriffing hell! Boba!” You hissed, jumping. “How in the galaxy can you say I am safe when you are the one shooting at me?”
The shadow in the pilot’s seat shrugged and more light fell onto the teen’s face as he moved.
“What else was I supposed to do?” He replied as if it was the most normal thing to do.
“Not shoot me?”
The boy grimaced. “Pretty sure this was the least messy solution.”
You shivered at the implication and fell back into the co-pilot’s seat while rubbing your face. What mess did you get yourself into?
A deep tired sigh escaped before you turned towards Boba. “Care to explain what this is about? Why are we in kriffing space? Why did you stun me? Why should I not start attacking you with whatever available weapon I might find? You know, the basics.”
“Pretty sure I can take you in a fight.”
“Is that all you took away right, kiddo?” You felt your hands tighten into fists ready to test Boba’s assessment.
Boba rolled with his eyes. “Calm down. You sound like one of those angry women from the holo-sitcoms.”
“Oh, I’ll show you an angry woman, young man. Start talking. Make it short and convincing.” This better not be about Bane.
Boba pressed a few buttons to engage the autopilot and turned towards you. The teen, still in his armour but without his helmet, crossed his arms in front of his chest. He really looked like a child in his parent’s clothes. Everything was big and bulky. And Boba, while appearing like he was growing into the armour, looked off in it.
“Let me start by saying sorry about stunning you.”
You raised an eyebrow.
“It was the least painful and most silent way to get you away.” Boba explained.
You shook your head. “Getting me away from there, is a very pretty euphemism for kidnapping.”
“Do you want me to explain or not?”
You licked your lips, unclasped your fists and crossed your arms in front of you.
“Fine. Go on.”
“You remember that Aurra, Bossk and I came to search for Cad Bane?”
You nodded. Bane it was then.
“There is a bounty on him. The Hutts employed his service, and he appears to be their favourite right now. Especially after breaking out with a Hutt called Ziro from a prison on Coruscant.”
You have never been to Coruscant. But the Outer Rim chatter about the radiant beacon of prosperity called Coruscant, and the image of your Cad Bane single-handedly tarnishing its fantastic reputation, made your head spin in disbelief and your eyebrow raise again in question.
“It’s true. Bane pulls the most impossible stunts.” Boba’s voice sounded like a kid in awe talking about their favourite pod racer pilot. “But a few weeks ago, he vanished. And the Hutts want to know why. He knows a lot about their business. They want to make sure he is not out there selling their secrets to the highest bidder.”
You swallowed and silently did the maths. Apparently Cad Bane vanished around the time you two spoke to each other. Did something happen to him, and would that have been the last time you had seen him? Was he dead? Or did he go into hiding? Was he out there, safe and occupied with something else – someone else? A tinge of jealousy washed over you.
No, you thought to yourself, he left and there is no reason to waste your precious affection on someone who did not want it.
But would you be willing to give out information about him now that he is gone? You weren’t sure.
“I am pretty sure he is out there and alive. The infamous Cad Bane is in hiding, maybe doing some very secretive job. Maybe he is taking a break. He has the means; I am sure of that.” Boba mused.
“Alright, fine, but what does that have to do with me?” you asked again innocently.
“Come on! I know he means something to you! I can tell!” Boba called out. “And I know you meant enough for Bane to keep returning to Trask to this one cantina!”
“Bantha Shit!” You yelled back. “You are seeing things that aren’t there!”
“Ha!” Boba raised his arms in victory as if there was something in an argument to win. “I grew up among clones. When everyone has the same face, you need to learn to see the difference between them. Everyone expresses themselves differently. The most minuscule twitch of the muscle or the shortest gaze is a tell. You barely convinced Bossk with his Trandoshan eyes. You can’t lie to me. You are, quite frankly, pretty mediocre at lying and I know that you and Bane are a thing.”
Well, shit. So much for your mastery in lying.
“No.” You tried with your best Sabbac face.
“Yes.” Boba answered with an evil triumphant grin.
You stared at each other in a silent contest.
“Listen.” Boba started and blinked, breaking eye contact first. “I got you away from Bossk and Aurra because if they would have found out, they would have beaten you unconscious and gotten you away to use you as bait for luring out Bane. I am planning on doing the same with you. Using you as bait, I mean.”
He smiled apologetically.
“It’s business after all.” He continued. ”But I’d figured this way you can stay alive AND I get the bounty without having to share with Bossk and Aurra. It’s a win-win-situation.”
“How exactly is this a win for me? You dragged me into this just because you think I am a useful bait.” you snapped, your eyebrow raised so much it felt like your face could cramp.
“I can return you to Aurra and Bossk if you like.” Boba snapped back.”Or, if you really are as un-useful as bait for Bane as you claim, I can space you right now if you prefere.”
You stared at him. Boba was still a kid, a teenager with a gun. But all his sorry’s and smiles vanished and he stared at you with the blank expression of someone cornered and without choice.
You took a deep breath. If you wanted to survive this, you would have to play along a little bit.
“Listen,” You started. “Congratulations on figuring out the big secret.”
Boba smiled proudly.
“But there is an issue.” You continued, carefully treading onward and testing waters. “Bane and I kind of were a thing. I am not sure he would be lured out by my presence. What then?”
Boba smiled even wider.
“I would have been surprised if the infamous bounty hunter Cad Bane would run blindly after everyone he might care or have cared for. He is the best after all.” He explained with glee. ”But from what I have gathered, is that lonesome Bane never returns to a place unless he has a reason to. And as far as I can tell, you are the only plausible reason for Bane to return to a secluded, wet rock like Trask. This will work.”
XXX
You were sitting in the cargo hold of the ship. It was dark and calm here. Only the humming of the machines accompanied your loud thoughts.
Luna had been right. Bane meant trouble and danger. Even with him gone you were gods somewhere on a ship with a dangerously clever teenager, who was able to yield a blaster and kick your ass. You tried to calculate your chances of Boba letting you go after finding out that Bane likely would not show up no matter what that kid saw in you. Maybe your best bet at surviving this was to play along and then get away at the first chance you got.
You took a deep breath, suppressing your tears of stress and frustration, and looked at the cage in the middle of the cargo hold. It was big and terrifying. Drops of what must be different kinds of blood were on its floor. And the grid looked massive and sturdy.
At least you weren’t inside there.
And yet - the presence of the cage was a looming reminder of the precariousness of your situation.
Someone knocked at the hull of the cargo hold.
You looked up. It was Boba, of course. Who else?
“Am I intruding?” he asked and stepped into the big space.
“Yes. But you did that long before now.” You replied dryly and turned to him. “What?”
He looked up to the ceiling as if it helped him in finding the right words.
“I know this is all a bit much. But I am not here to harm you. Not really.” He tried. Like a liar. “I need your help the same way you need mine to get out. I need the bounty and you need a safe way out. We can help each other.”
You considered his words. As far as you could tell Boba had you in his hand. He could force you to play bait or even kill you. You weren’t sure if the kid was desperate enough to throw you out of the airlook as he had said before. But you weren’t keen on finding out.
“It’s not like I have much of a choice.” You figured. “What is the plan?” And what will you do if Bane does not come out to get me?
Boba took a seat on the cargo box in front of you.
“It’s kind of easy.” He explained. “We are going to Nar Shaddaa.”
“The smuggler’s moon?”
“The smuggler’s moon.” He looked at you with hopeful eyes. “You and I will hang out there in a few places and make sure to be seen by all the bounty hunters, smugglers and whatever other criminals are there. They’ll ask, Boba Fett, the son of the infamous Jango Fett, hangs out with whom? They will gossip. No one gossips like bounty hunters. It’s basically a professional requirement for the job.”
“And then what, Boba? You think after you told everybody that you just wanted to have a few drinks with your auntie, Cad Bane will just show up to join in?”
“Basically yes.”
You raised your eyebrow. At this point it felt like a workout. This kid was bringing out an athletic side in you.
“But obviously it’s not that easy.” Boba admitted. “We can only stay a short while and hope that Cad Bane hears of us. We could do something grand to get his attention on Nar Shaddaa. Something dangerous so that he might worry about you.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. I always make these things up on the fly. Maybe we could start a good old cantina brawl? Or cheat badly and publicly at a sabbac game? Anyway – we make sure to get noticed and then leave because –“ Boba made a dramatic pause. “We’ll have Aurra and Bossk on our heels. And they will know now that something is up with you. Pretty sure they are pissed at me for leaving them behind. Aurra can be nasty. We should avoid that.”
You shivered at the thought of facing the tall woman with the red hair again.
“Ok. First, we make sure to become Nar Shaddaa’s gossip, then we leave in the hopes of Bane picking up our trail and following us faster than Aurra and Bossk, and lastly you do your Bounty hunter thing on Bane,” You summarised.
“Correct.”
You have never been to Nar Shaddaa. But you were confident of getting away from him there. It was supposed to be a huge place and Boba was alone. Maybe you could get out of this.
“And if he does not show up, I’ll just drop me off on some random planet.” He added, disrupting your silent planning.
“Really?” Another lie?
“Yeah. I don’t have many credits for fuel, so you’ll have to choose from something on the road but that’s basically the deal. You would be out of harm’s way,” Boba said.
“And should you face Bane – will you kill him?” You felt like hitting yourself. This was not the moment to worry about Bane. This was the moment for you to save your own neck. But even now you could not suppress that memory of Bane sitting on your couch and bleeding profusely.
Boba shifted around uncomfortably on the box.
“I- I hope I will be able to talk him into coming with me to the Hutts. They don’t want him dead. They specifically said they'd prefer him back in their service. He is the best out there, after all.”
You fixed Boba with a glare. “And if you can’t?”
He looked down, avoiding your investigative look.
“If I can’t convince him, '' he admitted, “I’ll have to kill him.”
XXX
Cad Bane starred out of the dimmed transpari window and tried to enjoy the grim panorama of Nar Shaddaa. He had spent the last weeks curled up in this rented little hole of a room to wallow in his own company, despair and self-pity. Of course, he had made sure not to get recognized. Avoiding cameras, paying with untraceable credits, even ditching his hat for once. He was a professional after all. And he needed some time to think, alone and without a client breathing down his neck or a target breathing hard while attempting to get away from him. It had been too long since he’d taken a break anyway and the galaxy should be more than fine to continue on without him for some time.
He closed his eyes and leaned back onto the little uncomfortable bed that had made his back ache the past nights, stretching out in nothing but his underwear.
Maybe he was getting too old for this, maybe he should stop hunting and settle down, get a family and all those things Jango used to talk about. But his ruthlessness had shaped him, gotten him off Duro and even his apex-predator DNA flared up in excitement just at the thought of going on a hunt and smelling blood.
No.
He was Cad kriffing Bane.
And he ain’t about to change that. Even for the most unruly, somewhat pretty and stubborn woman he’d ever met.
Dank Ferrik.
He really was in deep bantha shit and just thinking about her made him consider going back.
He had cursed her, called her every name in the galaxy he could think of. And yet her stubbornness was what she hauled right back at his every venomous syllable he spit into the world. Her unruliness was the same well crafted and intentional ignorance of everything she was supposed to be, he recognised in himself. And finally, he had to admit to himself that she was exactly that shape of somewhat pretty he considered gorgeous.
She was his dream.
The good and the bad kind.
She had met him right at his level and it had terrified him.
Another wave of curses boiled up in him, this time at himself and his own shortcomings.
No, it was the right decision to leave. He fought down the self-hatred. This way she will be safe.
It was a weak excuse and he knew it. The galaxy was a dangerous place whether he was involved or not. He was the weak one, the one hiding away instead of showing himself, not her. He had run and abandoned her without much of an explanation. He had given her nothing.
The same way Jango had abandoned him all those years ago. And coming from experience Cad Bane knew that this kind of abandonment breeds a very potent and persevering kind of hatred.
Maybe she will do better. He thought to himself before turning his attention to TODO.
Bane had sent the droid for food and supplies. Right as he reached for the buttons on his vambrace, the door flew open and the excited little droid stumbled in.
“Master Bane!” it squeaked. “You would not believe me when I tell you who I saw.”
To be continued...
XXX
@kasianthus @madam-o @rain-on-kamino @longrimmedbountyhunter @nbkluci @readsalot73
#cad bane#cad bane x you#tbb cad bane#tbobf cad bane#cad bane bounty hunter#bounty hunter cad bane#bounty hunter#nar shaddaa#the hat collection#grimmwriting#cad bane x oc#cad bane x reader#cad bane smut#boba fett#todo 360#cad banes hat
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I'm up to Episode 5 of Ahsoka and while it's gorgeously shot and acted and it's a real treat to see Hayden as Anakin (especially Clone Wars Anakin), I'm not sure a) who this show is for and b) why it feels a bit.... hollow, I guess.
As to a) apparently, the target audience is "people who've watched SW Rebels", which is such a weird choice, because I'm very far from a casual SW fan and I haven't seen one full episode of Rebels. And I thought to myself, ok, give them a chance, they'll do the work, they'll make me care about these characters even though I haven't seen Rebels, because they know most people who watch these Star Wars shows haven't seen it, right?
Well, apparently, wrong, because they spend little to no time establishing a) who the fuck Ezra is and why we should care, and why Sabine and Ahsoka care, for that matter, (and who Hera is, btw) b) who Thrawn is and why he's such a big threat and c) where Ahsoka is in her life journey.
Let's take Episode 5. Specifically, Ahsoka's Force vision/near death experience with Anakin. I'm not sure what that was supposed to teach her because I don't know what she needs to learn. The show has done such a poor job of explaining to me who Ahsoka is, what happened between her and Sabine, why Sabine abandoned her training and why Ahsoka was training her in the first place if she has so little Force ability, that I had absolutely no idea what Ahsoka even needed to learn from Anakin. Obviously she's still massively conflicted about Anakin, who she loved very much, turning into everything she spent her life fighting against. She's obviously terrfied of Vader and has trouble squaring that with the Anakin she knew and loved. (Loved the moment where Vision!Anakin was all like, That's what this is about? all annoyed like, yeah, so I turned to the dark side and did some genocide, get over it already). But what does that teach her about this moment, now, about the master she is to Sabine? And the problem is that I don't know because I have no context for her relationship with Sabine, and the show is bad at establishing any of this for people (the vast majority of the audience, I would say) who haven't seen Rebels, or even Clone Wars, for that matter. People who haven't seen Clone Wars must be SO LOST, like who even IS Ahsoka? Why should we care?
Unfortunately, the show doesn't manage to answer that question on its own. And it should, imo. It shouldn't have to rely so heavily on Rebels or Clone Wars.
I guess this is why it feels so hollow. It reminds me a bit of Book of Boba Fett, when Cad Bane showed up with 5 minutes left in the penultimate episode and a buddy of mine who was watching it as well was like, Who this? because he hadn't seen Clone Wars. They did no establishing work for him whatsoever, and people who didn't see Clone Wars were all ???? because they didn't feel the need to put in the work to establish the character in this show, with this audience.
Also, the show seems sort of... um... low stakes? I don't feel the urgency, because I don't know who Thrawn is and why he's a threat. Like, give us some flashbacks to explain why this guy is bad! Is this so hard!?!?!? I also don't care whether Sabine lives or dies (and her moronic decision to hand over the map would have been less mornonic, maybe, if I as the audience had any actual emotional connection to Ezra - like, really, again, flashbacks, show!), and I only care about Ahsoka because I loved her in Clone Wars. And the droid, because he's voiced by David Tennant and is actually funny.
Don't get me wrong, the visuals are stunning, the music is lovely, the performances are good, and plot-wise it's not as bad as The Book of Boba Fett or S3 of The Mandalorian, but the thing is that it makes me feel absolutely nothing. It paddles around the surface of what might be an interesting story if I gave a shit, with great production value and good actors.
Even the Anakin flashback felt empty because I had no idea what it was supposed to do. Great, Ahsoka wants to live. Like, why wouldn't she? Have you shown me that she wants to die, to stop fighting, is she looking for a more peaceful life? That would be an interesting arc for her, actually. Her wanting to retire from a lifetime of fighting and she can't because there's always Something. But so far I don't know what her arc is.
It's a shame because I was looking forward to this since Mandalorian S2, and it's just... meh.
Well. Maybe it'll shape up, but right now it's just bland and a bit boring. I feel like they're prioritising cool visuals over story beats, but you know what, you can do both!
Can someone sit down Dave Filoni with the guys who are doing Andor, please? And not let him leave before he understands how to build characters so we CARE?
At least the cat is cute. And the whales were kinda cool. I suppose that's something.
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campaign 3 episode 22: laser brain
oh for the love of god
oh no ashley's trapped in the skype dimension again
can't believe ashley's just on a macbook screen and the camera is zoomed in on her
"the leisure suit larry remake I didn't know I didn't want"
god I want that thing
"are you a medium?" "I….could make it work"
love every time they talk about cad taliesin just goes "yeahhhh" in The Voice
"you're doing so good! and the pigtails are Working"
the sprinkle voice in between matt trying to start the episode
I said this during the 4sd liveblog but I have an actual keyboard and it's so comfy to use?? like I'm still getting used to like the different key weight or whatever but in general it's really nice
sorry I just went without a decent Typing Device for so long I'm really happy
does ashley have a thing making her bg match the lighting in the studio??
she DOES
"I don't steal, I just borrow. for a long time." "how many things have you brought back?" "...oh…"
"only steal from grumpy people" "anybody can be grumpy if you try hard enough"
nothing is ever happening in ashton's head
it's not a static ball fearne
or maybe it is, what do I know
"it is a smooth - " "criminal"
welp I guess it is
I missed her
[pops up like a finding nemo seagull] lore? lore? ashton lore?
"it's a desert. ask your parents."
Blurry Fearne
is it allura
play a haunting violin refrain
"have you seen these hands? they're like ballet feet"
put fcg inside the family kill circle
dislike
fcg starts an automaton union
I love one (1) robot
I had to step away for an extended period of time, apparently I missed Some Shit
525,600 minutes
oh no the robe is gonna get all nasty on the inside
oh damn
the 4sd song is still so good, wtf
I can never tell how old stephen actually is until I see him without his glasses
he's also stopped dying his hair, that helps too
orym always looks apprehensive, that's just his face
"which one of us can read"
I thought ribbons and fearne were assumed
marisha
laura do it
do it
taliesin: I'm going to die
yessssss
"honored end" with his dick out
"she sounds loaded" "kind of pricky to be honest"
VAX'AHLIA
"I stood in the corner"
"they were different episodes"
love them freaking out over the map
"try not to stand out too much" he says to the gnome, the dead lady, the robot, the faun, the shiny rock person, and the lady with purple hair
orym only stands out if anyone looks down
"sometimes it spins on the way down to a fiery death"
cookies from revolution grandpa for the plane ride
"I was told there would be no rolling"
am I the only one picturing Xavier's School from the original Xmen trilogy or
orym staring a hole through chetney
"you think he's a mass murderer?"
"it's always the nice ones"
"I had plenty of that before" he did kill santa
matt please drop rocks on these children
he's thinking about it
I love marwa so fucking much
Murder Apron
that's an scp
PORTABLE HOLE
Caleb's Produce Flame
lore? lore? ashton lore?
DUNAMIS JUICE???
DID THEY GET REINCARNATIONED OR WHATEVER THE WORD IS FOR IT
IS ASHTON A BEACON
ashton beacon theory supremacy
oh no I'm gonna cry
yeah there I go
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I've been trying to figure out why I dont like Caduceus and your last meta reply got me closer to figuring it out. Like, I've been trying to like him, or at least figure why I dont, and describing him as 'a good person who doesnt have the self awareness to realize hes a jerk' I think got close to my issue with him, so thanks for the Good Meta
This is in response to this post, which I know some people agreed with very strongly and which made some other people very upset. I’m glad it clicked with you, at least, and that it helped clarify some Cad stuff for you!
I think that a very big thing about Taliesin’s characters across the board, for me, is how intensely judgy they have the capacity to be. In many ways, Caduceus is less judgmental than Percy or Molly, which is a fascinating thing to think about. And I have found that fascinating since pretty much my second or third episode of Critical Role, because so much of that judgment tends to be couched in, ‘I judge you for not accepting other people the way I think you should’. Percy loves Keyleth but also thinks she’s naive, too idealistic about what people ought to be rather than acknowledging and planning for the flaws he’s sure he knows they have. Molly dresses and talks and walks and presents himself in such a flamboyant way specifically to elicit reactions, specifically so he can decide who to write off completely and not worry about any more. In both cases it’s this super-interesting, incredibly relatable picture of a person who judges other people for their judgments.
Because Critical Role is such a long-form show, we got to see Percy be proven right and be proven wrong, we got to see him smug and we got to see him humble, and we got to see a lot of different angles on both his standards (what other people ought to be doing) and his stubbornness (how ready he was to dismiss people who didn’t meet them). Because we lost Molly so early, we only really got to start scratching the surface of his assumptions and certainties, and one of my biggest regrets is that we didn’t get to explore them so much more. In both cases, that stubborn sureness--I know how the world works, better than anybody around me--was one of my favorite parts of the character. It’s such an interesting flaw, because it wasn’t always detrimental. Both Percy and Molly were often right, or at least they acted in line with their assumptions and the universe responded how they expected, and the team benefited from it. Both of them had a certain amount of ‘and it’s our job to be decent to other people’ as part of that worldview, which really helped in making them likable. Both of them made sense, which led to the (for me) really great cognitive experience of, “okay, I agree with this character, but also I don’t think they’re the ultimate authority they believe themself to be! but I do think they’re right! but maybe they shouldn’t be so sure they’re right!” I find internal narrative conflict like that extremely compelling, and in particular the exploration of being judgmental about other people’s judgment resonates with me a lot.
So I’ve been waiting for cracks and criticisms with Caduceus, because I suspected from very early on that he, too, would be Extremely Sure He Understands How the World Works At All Times. I have been looking for the places he Knows He’s Right, and I’ve been eating them up.
Cad’s certainties are completely different than Percy’s and Molly’s, but once again, it’s incredibly difficult to say he’s wrong. He believes in fate--well, if you declare that everything that happens was supposed to happen, how is it ever possible to say he’s wrong? He believes Melora is watching and guiding and wants for him to do things--it’s D&D, she literally is watching (and if she happens to be a lot less invested in any specific outcome than Caduceus thinks, she’s not about to tell him so). He believes he has a job, has a purpose. Because it’s D&D, because it’s a story, because the story needs to go places and as the PCs it’s their job to do things to get there, on a very real meta level he’s literally correct.
He thinks that his job and his purpose is to help people--and how can we say he’s wrong? How can we say he shouldn’t try to be a good person, try to help? And he’s doing his best, and his best so often does help, and when it doesn’t, then it’s not his fault because there are other circumstances. It’s almost impossible to argue with that. Objectively, Caduceus is doing his best. Objectively, in many cases it is helpful.
And yet, that doesn’t mean that Caduceus objectively knows the best way to help in every situation--which even he readily admits. It doesn’t mean Caduceus necessarily knows the “best” way to help even in the situations where he is helpful.
Because right, the other thing about D&D is, Caduceus fundamentally cannot be the Sole Correct Authority on Everything, no matter how much sense his sureness makes. He literally can’t be, because Tal is one of eight people at that table, and he’s not the one running the world. He can be absolutely justified in being mad at Nott, which he absolutely is, and it still isn’t a universal truth that Caduceus Is Right and Nott Is Wrong. There are no universal truths at that table. Not even Matt has universal truths, not about what characters think or feel or do, not about moral absolutism.
(I’m someone who gets really twitchy around people who are Extremely Sure. I’ve known a disproportionate number of them in real life, and I’ve got very specific instinctive skills for not pissing them off that I occasionally wish I hadn’t had to develop. Part of turning from a conflict-averse 20-year-old into a grown-ass adult on my part has involved learning not to automatically agree that the universe must work a certain way, just because a very smart, very sure person who makes sense says so. Part of it’s involved learning not to be that very sure person myself.
I think I grab at moments when Caduceus very clearly isn’t 100% correct because of that. I love the fact that, in Critical Role, we have this multi-layered, many-voiced story proving that even if a character is right, they’re not necessarily the bearer of Objective Universal Truth. Rather than a story where it feels like the author and the universe are trying to make me agree with one person, it’s a story where a character can be right and not right from a thousand different directions at the same time. (Which, if nothing else, makes the story and the character feel so much safer to me.))
Caduceus is a little bit passive-aggressive sometimes, going back to Caduceus and Nott and the original discussion of that other post. And, right, he wants to avoid conflict within the group so he doesn’t make a big deal out of certain things, and just like all of his opinions, it’s hard to say he’s wrong in that. And he has every right and reason and justification for having emotions about some of the many very big things that have happened to him lately. He’s right (he’s not wrong) about a lot of things. He’s actually really good about recusing himself from situations where he doesn’t have the background or knowledge to be right at least to his own standards.
The thing that has me calling Caduceus a little childish is that he’s so utterly disinclined to acknowledge the possibility of nuance. He knows how to help Fjord (he’s decided that he knows how to help Fjord), so he does. He doesn’t know how to help Nott, so he doesn’t. We’ve never seen him take so much as a moment to consider whether or not he’s right in his assessment of his ability to help in either case. And yeah, to me that does feel a little immature. It’s not that he’s got a philosophy and he sticks to it, it’s that he lacks the self-awareness to even acknowledge the blind spots it might give him, let alone try to amend them.
And that’s okay. Acknowledging that Caduceus might possibly be a little bit of a hypocrite, a little judgy, a little wrong in his mental image of the universe and his place in it, makes him so much more interesting. It makes him a person. Not an infallible mouthpiece from God; not a perfect sage holding all the wisdom of the ages. He’s a good person, trying to do his best.
He’s a good character, because he’s an examination of how all these traits both hinder and sometimes help his attempts to be a good person. Stubborn certainty got the M9 up on their feet after Yasha left, comforted Fjord away from U’kotoa, saved a tribe of giants. Caduceus is multifaceted, and the game is multifaceted, and the very same characteristics can be great in one situation and a real problem in another, just like life.
#asked and answered#critical role#driveby meta attack#welp#apparently I still had Things To Say about Cad#Anonymous
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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E129 (March 16, 2021)
Tonight’s guests are Matt Mercer and Taliesin Jaffe!
Matt, on DMing Luc’s Revivify: “That was weird. It’s one thing when it happens because of player action and circumstances and the choices they make. When it’s entirely on me, unintentional, and just realizing different chess pieces you’ve set up, that’s rough.” It was especially rough since this was a child NPC related to a PC. “I was hoping somebody had a spell slot left.” He kept in mind that there are two clerics in the room and that they could resurrect the next day even if the Revivify went poorly. “A good chance, since it’s his first time. Okay, okay, okay, okay, I think we’ll be okay, we’ll see how this goes. It was really stressful in the moment! I did not set out to have that happen, but when I realized what was going to happen, I tried to see it through.” He wouldn’t have prevented a chance to bring him back. “There may have been an offshoot short-run series of games to find a way to bring him back. I would have found some way to correct the circumstance so the players could feel good about moving forward with the story and there was no undue punishment beyond their control.”
Taliesin on Cad’s response: “This is a big thing if you’re a cleric. It was very much coming in like an EMT. Everything should be fine... hopefully. Just focused in and got it done. The minute things started to go south it was like, okay, that’s the next problem.”
On Yeza’s feelings: “It is a very complicated situation. I think he, much like how Veth is trying to figure out what it is that she wants, I think he’s trying to help her find that while also figuring it out for himself. I think Yeza’s also noticing that because Veth’s the more active of the two of them she also takes the weight of the responsibility and the blame for things when they go wrong, unnecessarily. Especially when he himself acknowledges that he’s partially at fault for even dragging everyone in with the Conclave. As much as he’s appreciative for them coming back for him, there’s a lot of back and forth. He’s filled with a lot of regret, too, but he’s very much trying to convince Veth that it’s a burden that she doesn’t have to keep to herself, that they can share it and work through it together.” Matt mentions that, as an actor, he really loves exploring interactions between characters first and foremost. “Especially when you don’t know where it’s going to go.” He also praises Sam as a scene partner - “I really cherish that.”
How does Caduceus feel about Revivify and Speak with Dead? “Speak with Dead is an interesting middle ground, because he knows that it’s not actually speaking with the dead. It’s really just-- it’s almost medical, really. This is just reactivating a brain at a certain point. It’s practically just a muscle twitch at this point. That doesn’t really prod him in that direction. Revivify is interesting, because it had never really come up. At first I thought of it as bending the rules, but it’s not bending the rules. You knock over a plant, you replant it, you don’t stare at it and go ‘Well, that’s over.’ This is just doing the work. No, we can bring this thing back to health. This is all part of the circle of life, that sometimes we can save something. Especially given the stress that he’s put himself through over the past year of being with these people. He’s started to think of himself a bit as a battlefield medic, and triage is just part of the deal, and it’s completely acceptable.”
Did Trent really just want to talk? “Yeah, that circumstance, as it came together, Trent would never have arrived if there wasn’t an indication that there was some kind of infiltration or attack. Even beyond that, it was Jester breaking the concentration on her charm on that one guard when she created her duplicate.” The guards’ job is to inform a member of the Cerberus Assembly, and Trent lived the closest. “He didn’t know who it was, didn’t have any expectation necessarily. The minute he saw the illusion, he knew a powerful magic user was involved.” Seeing Caleb was an unexpected surprise. “I don’t think he wanted to throw down necessarily. He was more interested in figuring out exactly what the nature of this was.” Matt had multiple battlemaps that didn’t get used. “They managed to cleverly out-maneuver him in his surprise of seeing them.” The Nein rocketed up his priority list after that very quickly. Taliesin: “We’re so fucked.”
On Cad being “Uncle Caduceus” to Luc: “It’s the thing he misses most about home, is being a juvenile shit. It’s nice to be able to express that part of him again, as opposed to the serious, life-threatening, constant intensity. I’m very at home just being a little difficult.”
Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Beau! (_rumor_king, photography by kourtyardproductions on Instagram)
On Marion: “Like a lot of people in this whole narrative from the beginning, getting swept up in things larger than her and trying to adapt. This is a circumstance she’s avoided for a long time. She’s having a rough time in some ways, but simultaneously, she’s enduring. Like a mother would. She’s adapting, she’s making it work. Without much of a choice, you just kind of do the best you can and lean on the people around you to help you where they can. Luckily she has a daughter there. She’s probably surprising herself at how well she’s doing given the circumstances.” Matt talks about how weird it is to feel proud of character he’s created. “Of the many things Marion is incredible at, she’s a studier of the human condition. She’s seen and heard the stories of so many. That gives her a very special perspective. She can see elements of that fractured individual within Caleb, and knowing the good that he’s brought to his friends, and knowing he’s possibly saved her life from bad circumstances, she couldn’t not speak up. She very easily falls into that role of maternal comforter, because it’s one of the many things she’s really good at, she enjoys it, and she can see well when people need it.” He’s been enjoying having Marion along for this (despite the difficult circumstances) because he was always a little sad that they only got to see her for short periods of time.
On the Blooming Grove’s safety: “He’s afraid that it’s a premonition. He’s not pinned it down, but he’s happy to let his imagination wander. He at the very least feels like there’s a reason he’s having these thoughts, and that there’s a reason to go there. He’s a big believer that these things don’t just happen. He’s more likely to think that there’s a good reason to go versus a danger to go. He’s had a couple of ominous warnings lately, and he’s not used to them and not a fan. He’s more likely to read something like that as, there is something there waiting for you that you have to discover. There is something that is going to be helpful to you, even if it hurts.”
On Astrid: “While maybe not as readable in overall personality as Trent is, I still want to be careful to not discuss things that are still being discussed within the game and tossed around as possibilities. Astrid is another complicated character, as anyone would be who’s been through the life she has. I can’t say too much. I can say she’s definitely legitimately happy to see Bren/Caleb after all this time.” His reemergence definitely caught her off guard. “We’ll have to see where it goes from there.”
On Cad’s successful Divine Intervention: “He’s definitely hit the ‘on a mission from god’ stage. He’s been that way for the entire campaign of, this, this is what I’ve been waiting for. Even when it sucks a lot, it’s been nice that those things have popped up to remind him, no, no, you’re doing it right, everything’s good. Probably not going to survive the next week, but you’re doing good! Not quite 1 in a 100 chance, but I forget so often to make that roll, and it’s such a great roleplaying roll. I don’t know how at level 20 you could deal with the fact that you can do that every day.”
On Zeenoth getting his comeuppance: the kidnapping was a concept Marisha brought up for Beau’s backstory, and Matt went with it even though it was opposed to the Cobalt Soul’s philosophy because he knew rooting it out would make for an interesting story. “I felt it was an important beat to bring to her, because it was something that she was wronged by. And to show that there are still some good people out there who are trying to make things right.” After the tentative peace, dealing with this became Dairon’s next focus. “I was glad we finally got to it. So many people don’t have the opportunity in their lives to get that sort of justice and vindication, so if I can bring elements of that justice into our world, even for our own hope, I’m going to do that. Especially for my wife’s character, especially for a character that deserves that.” Taliesin points out that if it had come too early, Beau wouldn’t have believed it.
Cad’s thoughts on the Tomb Taker betrayal? “He knew it was gonna come at some point. There was no way that was gonna last. He was hoping it was gonna last a little longer. He was really hoping they had a vested interest in getting them all the way to the end. Nope, this is apparently as far as we go, and he was not prepared for that.” He was expecting the potential for de-escalation. “Caduceus is the only character in there that doesn’t have a history with Lucien. I think he sees him a little more clearly than everybody else does. They’re all looking for this person that Clay, at least, is of the opinion that he’s just not there. This is a very manipulative, very dangerous infernal human. Just smarter than all of them. Really aware that there is no calculating what the hell is going to happen. Conversation is the only way you can deal with someone like that.”
Fan Art of the Week: An amazing Caleb closeup! (rynn_birb on Twitter)
Taliesin on Lucien: “I’m excited he’s the one that’s going to kill us all. Poetic that this is how the game ends.” Matt was delighted when Taliesin handed him carte blanche to do what he wanted with Molly’s past. “I was like ‘shit... oh, wait!’ The character of Lucien was always intended to be an antagonist so that it would have been Molly being chased by the person who wanted their body back. But then it happened that he got his body back.” Taliesin: “He’s so much worse than I ever hoped.”
Matt, on the Holy Avenger: “I hadn’t thought to initially even give that sword.” The good roll was the only reason Kima handed that over. “Well, sure, you get the sword. It was very reactionary, it wasn’t my intent originally. I was like, well, I mean, there’s two avenues she can take with this.” Multiclass into Paladin, or lean into the fact that her subclass is essentially a barbarian paladin. “This really works out in a uniquely beautiful way. Let me see if I can lay out a path for her to earn it.”
On Cad’s attempt at lying blowing up in his face: “He was like that kid that had a really bad day in high school and was like, you know what? I’m going to let loose. This is it. I’m gonna dye a streak in my hair. And then tries to give himself a haircut and ends up with half bangs. Well, okay, obviously I’m not that person. I was feeling a little distraught and I didn’t handle it well. Maybe I’m going dark... no, I’m not going dark. Nope.” Matt mentions how much he relates to Caduceus.
Matt, on the Eyes: “What can I tell you? I’m enjoying the hell out of it. The moment they began to really push to read that book, I was like, okay, this is on you. I’m excited for the point in the narrative where the march continues back to Eiselcross. I am almost impatient - not really - because we’re on the cusp of getting to more of the meat. There’s so much to learn, so much to see, so much to explore. I love instilling my players with absolute terror.”
Thoughts on Jester’s Tarot reading? Taliesin cackles. “Molly made the cards, so. Did it to himself, he did, he did.” Matt: “Once again, another example of things working out unexpectedly and too perfectly for an improvised moment. Fuck.” Taliesin: “Bless the wisdom of chaos.” Matt: “I love that even at this point in the campaign, Molly continues to fuck with people. I’m just so proud. That deeply shook Lucien, for reasons.” Taliesin: “It’s the everlasting gobstopper smoke bomb.”
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We've all seen fics where Caleb's SO dies and gets resurrected, and we seen Caleb accidentally hurting his SO, but what about Caleb accidentially killing his SO? Maybe Reader got burned by one of his fire attacks? The revival's successful, but damn, the angst.
Angst was requested and angst you shall receive. I hope this is to your liking. 😘
Trigger warning for death and grief themes.
Caleb sits on his knees, head bowed, whispering pleas in Zemnian to the gods, the world, to you, your cold hand encased between his own, occasionally pressing a kiss to it in the hopes you’d just wake up. But you’re not going to wake up. Not in the way you would in the morning when you’ve had a particularly late night and Caleb has to drag you out of bed, you being stubborn or pretending to still be asleep so you maybe could convince him to join you for a little more. Not in the way after you got knocked out in a fight, when you sit up and rub your eyes with a grunt like usual. Nothing within his capabilities will wake you up.
So here Caleb sits, begging for it to be a nightmare, some sick and twisted tricks played on his mind but there’s no denying this is real and this is the truth. You’re dead. You’re dead and it’s his fault. You ended up as collateral damage in his reckless attempt to kill the creature. You got stuck in the crossfire of that. He hadn’t realised you were doing so bad already, you even sent him a wink right before when he asked if you were okay. Why did you? Why didn’t you just tell him you weren’t? Why did you lie? Not lie, omitted the truth.
He knew exactly why you did it but that doesn’t make it any easier. You’d known the other’s weren’t doing great and barely holding on already. You were severely outmatched and couldn’t get away from the creature. Not without it chasing after you and running you in an even more perilous situation. Anything Caleb could do would affect anyone close to the creature. With Yasha having dragged Beau out of the fray you were the only one left to hold it at bay while the clerics worked on patching them up, Fjord and Veth offering them cover. You were the final line of defence. At the end of the day you had to keep the clerics alive.
Caleb took a calculated risk. A fireball to send the creature dropping into the ruined depths of Aeor. He had tried to keep you out of the range but wouldn’t have been able to strike the creature without putting you at risk. The spell worked and the creature got hit with full force. It was your attack right before the fireball struck that had send it stumbling, then with the blast, it lost its footing and stumbled off the edge.
But you too, dropped. and when you did, the creature’s tail lashed out, grabbing onto your body, dragging you with it. The creature had hit the platform below in its fall and the impact had made it release you, saving you from the full drop. Caleb had rushed to the edge, fear, pain, anger and guilt riddling his mind thinking he had truly lost you but there you were, bloodied, bruised, broken and burned. Because of him. All because of him. How could he have been so stupid and reckless. When he brought your body back to the others, he wasn’t quick enough. You’d already faded into the cold embrace of the Raven Queen and the clerics had expended their last resources.
So that leaves Caleb here, sitting at your side a day after you died, body preserved by the graces of Caduceus and the Wildmother. The clerics set up their ritual, working around him and you as the others help where they can. Beau and Veth had tried to console him, tell him it wasn’t his fault and if he hadn’t they might all have been dead right now. He appreciates his friends trying but it’s of no use. He already made up his mind and it’s not going to change anything. You died because of him. He murdered you and how is that any different than his actions in the past? How does that make him any different than the lives he’s taken in the clutches of his former mentor? Is there truly no redemption for him? You’d slap him for even thinking that way.
“Mr. Caleb? Why don’t you try talking to them? Persuasion has worked in the past to coax someone back.” Caduceus places a hand on the wizard’s shoulder but it barely registers. Yet the firbolg knows they did not fall upon deaf ears when the whispers stop for just a moment.
“I-. I do not think they’d want to hear from their murderer.” Speaking the words make them so much more painful. By the looks of it, Beau is ready to unleash in a degrading rant about how wrong Caleb is, breaking him apart only build him back up but she’s held at bay by Yasha. This is not the time and place. Caduceus doesn’t claim to know what Caleb’s going through, nor may he be the brightest mind here but he understands and can empathise.
“I know no matter what I say it won’t change your feelings so instead I will offer you this. You owe it to them to try. Not for what happened here but for the countless times they’ve been there for you, have had your back, and for the unconditional love they’ve given you. You owe them to try.” The wizard looks up over his shoulder to the firbolg, pain in his eyes, and the trails of silent tears that have long since run out. Caduceus is right. He owes it to you to save you and right now it is within his power to try. If he doesn’t, if he fails he’ll have condemned you to this fate. If he succeeds with this part, he’ll be able to look into your eyes again. You may never forgive him but he hopes to see you smile, hear your voice even if just once more.
Caleb nods looking back at you, bringing your limp fingers up to his lips and pressing them against your knuckles. He takes in a deep breath and tries to find the right words as Caduceus steps back. What are the right words? He cannot afford to fuck this up. He cannot afford to fail. He must succeed. He must.
“I know I might be the last person you want to hear right now. I want you to know I’m sorry-“ Caleb’s voice cracks as he feels the eyes of the others on him. He brushes some of your hair away from your forehead, running his thumb across your cheek.
“I don’t-uh. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if I can do this. You’re always here for me during difficult times. You’d put your hand on my cheek and tell me ‘If anyone can do it it’s you, Caleb Widogast. You could move mountains if you set your will to it. Now stop being stubborn before I slap some sense in you.’ but now you’re not here to tell me that. You’ve shown me there’s a world beyond the walls I put up, that there is a light at the end of that tunnel, but now I cannot help but feel the world has grown dull, the walls are caving in, and that light is fading.”
“I have no right, no right to ask you this, but I need you to save my world one more time. So please, I beg of you. Do not leave me to brave this world without you.” The weight of his heart heavy on his conscious. Caleb feels a pressure causing a ringing in his ears. He’s so focussed on you, he cannot take his eyes off you. Not even when the others do their part in the ritual. He realises this pressure is coming from the effects of the spell to bring you back. He holds his breath, not daring to take in oxygen if only to savour the moment, hoping it will not pass, that for just a little longer he can hold on to the hope you’re coming back instead of having that hope crushed by a potential failure.
The pressure fades but nothing happens. Nothing changes. It’s silent as everyone waits for something, anything to happen. That moment alone feels like an eternity of suspense. Caleb finds himself whispering prayers and pleas in Zemnian again, your hand clasped between his own as he squeezes his eyes shut tightly to live through the memories of you, preserve them for the rest of his life just in case because he refuses to forget even a single one of them. He’s so consumed in his own mind he doesn’t notice warmth returning to your fingers. He doesn’t notice your chest beginning to rise and fall. Caleb’s pleas continue.
“Would you mind translating that? I think my brain got a bit scrambled.” Caleb freezes and his eyes open. Your eyes are closed but your brow is furrowed. Furrowed in discomfort. Not sleeping and not void of your usual expressions. Colour has returned to your limbs and face and no longer dulled. Caleb falls silent in disbelief, frozen in place and mind blank.
“Caleb?” You speak his name, peaking through one eye to see the wizard in his disheveled state. You sit up, grunting in pain. Apparently being brought back from the dead isn’t kind on your physical form, not even mentioning the exhaustion weighing on your mind. You could sleep for a couple of hours… or days… or weeks… You could do with a break really. All of you could. You nudge Caleb’s head up by his chin allowing your fingers to slide onto his cheek.
“Blink twice if you need me to get Beauregard to slap you back into reality.” You muster a smile as you brush your thumb over his cheekbone. Caleb doesn’t understand how you’re not recoiling in disgust or lashing back in anger. He doesn’t understand how you can look at him with love and kindness.
“I’m so sorry. Please-“ Caleb goes off in a spur of apologies, begging for your forgiveness.
“Caleb, I love you but you really need to stop. This is a problem for another day.”
“You died. I killed you. How can you even look at me like you do?”
“So what? I died. I’m here now. I got better. Now preferably I’d like to not die again, some things are beyond our control. And if you need some kind of reassurance; Veth killed Cad that one time and he doesn’t hate her.” Veth yells a ‘hey’ in defence while you earn a chuckle from the firbolg. You know Caleb isn’t just going to take your word for it and you’re also not going to make anyone buy you’re totally okay with just dying and being brought back to life because you’re not but you also know that you can’t blame Caleb for being a factor in what happened when you yourself were aware of the risks of the situation you were in. You made your own bet and it didn’t pay off but all your friends are still alive and well, Caleb’s still alive and well and that alone makes it worth the risk you took.
“You have no idea how much I love you.” Caleb breathes as he pulls you into his arms with a gentleness as if you’re made of porcelain, or will fade out of existence if he holds on too tightly.
“I think I have a pretty good estimate but we can compare notes later if you’d prefer.” You pull back enough to look at Caleb’s face, brush aside some of the red strands and softly place your lips on his. It’s not a heated kiss but one filled with emotion and a desperation no less. Neither of you thought you’d get to be in each other’s arms again but here you are despite everything. Maybe your work here isn’t done yet. You still got some asses to kick.
#critical role x reader#critrole x reader#mighty nein x reader#caleb x reader#caleb widogast x reader#critical role#mighty nein
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Fall Anniversary at the Soltryce Academy
Caleb walked into his classroom at the Soltryce Academy with the immediate instinct that something was wrong. He had been teaching Transmutation theory and application in this same class room for the past twenty years, so anything that seemed different set off alarms in his head.
He mentally checked the wards on the class room and found them intact. There were a few students in their seats, a few more filtering into the lecture hall, by the second. None of them seemed alarmed. Whatever was different today did not appear to be an immediate threat.
Still just to be safe he subtly cast Detect Magic as he set his bag down and took off his coat. Immediately a few points were highlighted in his mind. Of course his own magical items, the amber around his neck and the amulet beside it, the ring on his finger, the chalk he had enchanted to help him lecture. Nothing off there.
There were a few points of magic around the rest of the room, each quickly analyzed and dismissed. Transmutation magic on a small pile of coins near the wall, a low level student’s practice project. Abjuration magic in the wards along the walls. Divination magic in a button, another spying device Astrid had tried to sneak into his class room to keep him from teaching against the school’s policies.
It was the illusion spells that caught his attention. A few of the students were covered in the same, linked illusion. Their appearance normal enough to blend in, but also entirely too normal for a real student. And there, a student he didn’t recognize even with his keen mind, covered in an illusion spell. Several other magical objects of varying power, hidden under the spell. The Vestige appeared to be within its pocket dimension, so at least they hadn’t brought a weapon onto campus.
After setting down his things and greeting his class he squeezed past a few of the students to grab Astrid’s enchanted button. He quickly dispelled it and slipped it into an envelope to return to her later. As he returned to the front he gave the cat sitting on his desk a brief scratch.
“Hello Jester.” He said. Of course he didn’t need Detect Magic telling him of the cat’s aura of Transmutation to know his friend. She was bright blue after all and staring at him far more smugly than even a magic fey cat would.
“Now class, I know we were discussing transmutation principles as applied to effecting the elements around you, but I am afraid that lesson will have to be postponed. It would seem that it is the anniversary of the Mighty Nein getting together and they have decided to invite themselves to my class.”
There was a muttering around the class room as the students looked at each other, before one of them near the front stood up, the illusion dropping off her form as she did so.
“I told you he wouldn’t fall for it!” Veth said in her high voice, She looked mostly unchanged from when they first brought her back to her proper body. A few more laugh lines, but nothing more to show the passing two decades. “Lebby, is an amazing wizard, he wouldn’t fall for something simple like that. You students better appreciate the skill of your teacher.”
Caleb smiled fondly as Veth walked up to the front to give him a hug. Interspersed through the seats a few more illusion spells dropped. A half elven man walked up from the front row and kissed him on the cheek. Essek’s own illusion lasting even as he dismissed the Seeming on Kingsley and Yasha.
“How did they rope you into this?” Caleb whispered to Essek.
“Oh you know I can’t resist a practical joke.” Essek maintained his deadpan delivery for only a few seconds before a small smile graced his lips. Caleb knew quite well that Essek looked as ageless as ever, under his illusion. His elven blood would keep him looking much the same for the next few centuries. Caleb returned the kiss, to the muttering of his students. They weren’t ever a 100% sure who Caleb’s rotating cast of elven boyfriends were, and Caleb was more than happy to keep them in the dark.
“Well you can’t fault us for trying!” Kingsley said. They were wearing a scandalously low cut shirt, a pair of plain black pants, and a pair of thigh high boots. His purple hair was fading to a less vibrant shade just a bit near his ears and he had a larger collection of scars, as one would expect from years of piracy and being a bloodhunter. They were also wearing their sword much to Caleb’s disapproval, which was apparently not magical.
“You can’t expect me to hide this glorious look without magic though can you?” He said, sliding his hands down to his hips then back up his torso. Then he grabbed Caleb’s chin and kissed him full on the mouth, with tongue for several seconds, while his students lost their collective minds. Caleb smiled against Kingsley’s lips right before the tiefling stepped back. He was sure the rumor mill of the school would go wild about that for a few weeks. He wished he could see the look on Master Beck’s face when the news came across her desk. “Here’s to another twenty years, magic man.”
Yasha and Caduceus walked up next, each giving Caleb a tight hug. These two showed their age the least of the non elven members of the Nine. Cad could have been just stepping out of the temple doors in the Blooming Grove, saying that he had only three cups, if it weren’t for the increased presence of lichens and mosses of all kinds on his clothes and armor. Caleb was fairly certain there was an actual bird’s nest in his pink hair. Yasha of course looked as badass and muscular as she had when they first found her. Her hair was completely white, done up in an ornate braid. Home life seemed to suit her well, she looked genuinely happy and relaxed like she certainly hadn’t when they had first gotten together.
Fjord’s spell dropped as well. The half orc’s hair had large stripes of gray in it, he had crows feet at the corners of his eyes, and his salt and pepper beard had significantly more salt to it now. He still looked good, life at sea, despite its hardships, keeping him fit. He laughed at something over Caleb’s shoulder as he approached and he found himself lifted bodily into the air by a pair of muscular blue arms.
Jester having dropped her polymorph spun him around briefly in the hug before setting him back on his feet. She would never fail to look divine. Her horns now curling in on themselves, almost like her mother’s had when they first met her. Her hair is pulled back into a pony tail, poofing out behind her head from the salt air. Her sailing days were certainly not hurting her in anyway. Her smile was still just as wide, her eyes just as sharp, and her arms just as strong, if not more so.
“Happy anniversary Caleb! Twenty years ago you were a stinky wizard. Now you are here teaching!” Jester’s happiness in her voice carried to every corner of the lecture hall.
“What happened to our plan of drinks in Nicodranas this evening?”
“I just couldn’t wait Cay-leb.” She pouted. “Fjord and I got into port early, and I was so bored.”
Caleb smiled at her, then looked around at the rest of the Nein, pretending to count.
“We appear to be one short. Where is my sister? Couldn’t drag her away from the Cobalt training pit? Or did she get lost in a book like some kind of nerd?” Caleb said with a smirk.
“Mother fucker!”
He looked up towards the voice above him, just in time to watch Beauregard drop from the ceiling, to land on his desk with a perfect three point landing. She hopped off the desk and punched his arm, before also grabbing him in a tight hug.
“I am not a nerd, Widogast!” She snapped, a wide grin on her face.
“Beauregard, please do not land on my desk. It was a gift and I don’t think it could bare too many impacts like that.” He stopped to look up at the vaulted ceilings of the class room. “Also, how did you get up there?”
If she had been invisible she would have tripped the wards on the class room. And if she had gone in the brief break between classes one of the early students would have noticed her and caused a stir.
Beau took her turn to smirk.
“I have been waiting up there for four hours so we could surprise you. It’s surprisingly comfortable. I could have gone another couple of hours without breaking a sweat.” She paused to flex, causing several students, and Yasha to blush at her muscles.
Beauregard’s monk training meant that she looked like she hadn’t aged a day since Aeor. And she could still easily out fight everyone else in the room if she wanted to. She was also the one member of the Nein that Caleb saw the most frequently. Their work to root out corruption among the Cerberus Assembly, and other bodies of power in the Empire often kept them up together late into the night, until Yasha would intervene and throw her wife over her shoulder to carry her to bed.
“Can I finish the lesson, or should we depart immediately?” Caleb asked, already guessing the answer.
“Cayyyllleeeb.” Jester groaned, pulling at her face. “I’m sooooo bored. I want to drink and party already!”
Caleb turned back to his class of students. He was sure most of them had heard rumors about Professor Widogast and the wild adventures he got up to with the Mighty Nein back when they first got together. He wasn’t sure how much they actually believed, but he was sure that even the most widely blown out of proportion tale didn’t even begin to cover the truth of what they had done together.
“In honor of the anniversary of this group of arschlochs finding each other, consider this to be a free day. Keep up on your readings, and if you have any questions I will be at my regular office hours tomorrow morning.”
The students immediately started buzzing as they stood and packed. No doubt during tomorrow’s class he would have to field a whole host of questions about the Nein, and that was just the way he liked it. The day after the anniversary was the one day he would talk about what his family had done. As the class filtered out, with many a lingering glance thrown at the colorful group at the front, Caleb turned to Essek, setting the envelope with Astrid’s button in it on the table top to deal with later.
“Would you like to teleport us to the beach, or shall I?”
Essek put up both hands.
“I already used my spell slots getting us all back together again. You can bring us to the coast.” Essek said, his smile a mix between smug and fond.
Caleb rolled his eyes before pulling him into a soft kiss. Then he turned to address the rest of the Nein. The family he had made for himself.
“Are we ready?” After a series of nods, he pulled an ancient clay turtle from his pocket and gave it a squeeze. “Then let’s go!”
And they were off, to a night of drinks and celebration and stories told, and memories shared. And of course many toasts, “To another twenty years.”
#caleb widogast#essek thelyss#shadowgast#kingsley tealeaf#jester lavorre#the mighty nein#critical role#writing emerald#stories entwine evermore
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Filoni and Favreau don't understand how to write Luke and it's infuriating. I couldn't get over how empty and bland his depiction felt and how he's all like "Oh hey there's your dad leaving, anyways back to training! Here's a remote you need to dodge or you'll get stung"? Luke would never. Haven't we dealt with enough damage from the sequel trilogy? Also that Ahsoka cameo 🙄
Oh my GOD I KNOWWWWW my sister and I blew a gasket over that episode. Afaik my neighbor didn't hear us yelling "Fuck off, you smug-ass orange bitch" at least lmao. But yeah, why was she there? She wasn't needed. That whole conversation could have - and SHOULD have - happened between Luke and Grogu, as Grogu's two primary caretakers at the present time.
Because Din confronting himself about "are you doing this for him, or for you?" could've been a really good character moment. But we don't get any self-reflection from Din, just Ahsoka basically ordering him to stay away, and apparently not even telling Luke that the chainmail was a gift freely given and that Din just wanted to check on Grogu, not take him back.
(Also, side note, y'all know I hate Ahsoka's guts but for those of you who don't... weren't you disappointed by her cameo? This is Anakin's Super Special Awesome And Most Beloved Darling Apprentice meeting his son. And we don't see them like, talk about Anakin at all? Bond over knowing Anakin? Luke finally getting answers to questions about his father he's had since he was very young? Shouldn't this have been an extremely significant moment (albeit in the wrong show)? To be fair, Filoni probably already has had the whole thing written for ten years in his diary and is just waiting for the Ahsoka show.)
Oh man don't even get me started on what they did to Luke. I thought the sequel trilogy was over. I thought we didn't have to see that Luke anymore.
I don't even know what to say except you're right, that was so ooc for Luke. Just bland and empty.
Shit, the whole episode was bland and empty. Because what Filoni knows how to do is those Leonardo DiCaprio Pointing Meme moments, and shock value moments, and he forgets you have to have something in between to make them mean something.* Omg it's Cobb Vanth! Omg it's Din! Omg it's Luke! Omg it's Grogu! Omg it's a laser ball from ANH! Omg they're doing the backpack thing from ESB! Omg it's Ahsoka! Omg it's Artoo! Omg it's Boba Fett in his own show! Omg Yoda's lightsaber! Omg it's Cad Bane! I love a good Easter egg as much as the next person, but it gets boring after a while, even more so when it serves no purpose. For example, what was the point of the Order 66 flashback? We already knew Grogu escaped Order 66. It didn't show us anything new, how he got out or who helped him or how this trauma is still affecting him. Luke barely even discusses it with Grogu so it's not even a bonding moment for the characters. It was just a Leonardo DiCaprio Pointing Meme moment with no purpose beyond being a Leonardo DiCaprio Pointing Meme moment.
*I don't know what happened with Rebels. How was Rebels so good? Different writing team I guess. Like with George Lucas, I believe Filoni has a lot to offer in ideas, but he needs a team to execute them well.
#now that i've cooled enough to write more coherently than i did on wednesday this was cathartic thank you#bobf critical#filoni critical#asks#anon#anti ahsoka#anti ahsoka tano
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Alright, so here’s the thing. At this point, I actually don’t care what Artagan has or hasn’t done and, morally, what that means. It’s irrelevant. Interesting, but irrelevant. What I want to talk about is what the Nein, excluding Jester, know about him, and what they do with this information, and how they cast judgment.
Here are things that the nein have actually seen: fleeting glimpses of a figure in a green cloak. one conversation with a giant archfey who has recruited jester’s help in planning a convention. further, fleeting glimpses. very very brief phrases.
Here are things that the nein have heard about him from jester: he’s pretty cool, you guys :) . he’s got a chaotic streak, like her. he helps her pull off pranks. he’s always shown up for her. he’s handsome. he taught her magic. he kept her company when her mom was busy. he is her first friend. he is her best friend. he is her oldest friend. she really loves him.
and yes, they know he misrepresented himself to jester for years. they know he sent them to an island where you lose your memory every night. they know that he is sketchy as fuck and they do not know if he means what he says. and that is reasonable and understandable and fair.
here is something that i don’t know if you guys know about abusers, regardless of if artagan is one or not. (and he’s not. i’m not even going to say i don’t think he is, he literally is not abusive. words mean something; stop throwing them around because you personally don’t like someone.) you cannot tell their victims that they are abusive or awful or manipulative or horrible, and expect that to help. that makes it worse. the same is true of cults. you cannot, and i mean CANNOT, make yourself hostile, because then the outside world is hostile, and the abuser is safe. the outside world is hostile, and the cult is safe. furthermore you’re reinforcing what every abuser and what every cult plants in their victim’s heads--i’m the only one who would put up with you. i’m the only one who really loves you. everyone else will be cruel to me, but i’m the only thing you have. even if the nein had reason to suspect that the traveler was straight up abusing jester instead of just weird and shady, that is not a good response.
no matter how bad artagan is or isn’t, fjord, caduceus, and beau are still being condescending. they are still failing to trust that jester knows what she’s talking about. they are still trying to coddle her, they are still treating her like a child, and i want to talk about that. i want y’all to see that they’re still treating her like she’s emotionally fragile. like individually, i want to talk about that, and also the fact that everyone seems to want to lump caleb into this. (and yasha?? yasha has barely said anything about him, y’all.)
i’m going to skim over caduceus a bit because i don’t think his is a jester-centric problem. he tends to just trust that he either has the correct answers to a situation, or that even if he doesn’t know what’s correct, he knows what isn’t. this arc has been very interesting, because it’s been a lot of “i’ll play along with this because it sounds intriguing, but i’m going to be very self righteous about it the whole time.” like. the “we’re good” when jester brought up transferring followers to melora is haunting me. why “we’re good”? i get cad’s philosophy that not everyone is going to flock to one god--that’s fine, that makes sense. but the implication of “we’re good” really makes it sound like “mmm no thanks, none of these people would end up in my cool and correct religion anyway.” because he doesn’t know! he doesn’t know if any of these people would actually be happier and better off with melora. or. maybe he does know, or has decided, that they wouldn’t be, because these are not the kind of people that he could see himself falling under the same moral umbrella as. (lmao love how i said i was going to skim. anyway. again, less a jester thing, more a “cad is smug about everything” thing tbh.)
let’s move to fjord. he is quite honestly making me almost more uncomfortable than beau, because he’s making statements that i don’t really actually believe. “we just don’t want you to get hurt” is all very well and good. coupling that with agreeing with beau that they shouldn’t leave jester alone with artagan? without telling jester? does not jive. (i’m still not over the ridiculous of that, by the way. yeah this dude--no, this ARCHFEY, who could snap you in half in a moment--has been alone with her regularly for the first 20ish years of her life but now, now he’s going to try and kill her, and you’re going to be the one to stop that.)
fjord keeps saying things like this--that he trusts her--but he doesn’t actually act like it. at one point he even says “if jester has faith in the traveler, that’s good enough for me, i suppose.” but it’s not, and he doesn’t act like it is. you know who actually acts like that? caleb. caleb’s getting his own paragraph though this is getting long as fuck. but if fjord actually meant that? he would’ve told beau “listen i know this situation is sketchy and i don’t like him anymore than you do but because i trust jester i also trust that she knows what she’s doing here, and i’ll be there to back her up with whatever she needs/wants me to do”. but he did not say that or anything like that. instead he agreed with beau to essentially be bodyguarding jester--without consulting jester about it at all. he wouldn’t have told jester “he’s generally full of shit, right?” about the traveler. jester is continually telling the group over and over again that she knows what he’s like. she knows Exactly how he can be. and the sad thing is, if fjord actually believed that she knew what she was talking about when she said that and if he believed that he could actually talk to her frankly and not that her feelings had to be protected at all costs (my skin is still crawling at “we don’t wanna ruin jester’s special day”. it’s not a five year old’s birthday party), then he would have straight up told her. he would have said “hey we’re concerned enough that he’s going to hurt you that we don’t think you should be alone with him. can we help guard against that?”
and i’ll be honest, i’ve kind of been squicked out by all the romantic posts about fjord and jester because he’s spent the last few episodes genuinely treating her like a wonderful but vulnerable child who needs to be protected from the world. when he told beau "I'm probably the least clued in as to how jester feels” i was like YEAH NO SHIT. and i know he meant it in a romantic sense but i feel that it’s true in general. like i get that he’s scared to talk to her. that’s fine. he doesn’t have to talk to her about her feelings, romantic or otherwise. but if he’s acknowledging that he does not at all know how she feels then he has no right to behave as if he does know. and again i don’t mean this in a romantic sense. i mean it in a, he is making the assumption that she can’t handle reasoned criticism of the traveler to her face, kind of sense. he and beau both are opting for “random insults, threats, and judgments they have decided apply” over “genuinely this is why we are concerned”. there has been a lot of “you don’t need him” and “you are better off without him” and “you’re better than him” and “you have us why do you need that” and those are judgement statements that are essentially meaningless. all they do is further demonstrate to jester that they don’t actually understand why she’s upset or what she actually wants.
i think caleb, mr i-eat-encyclopedias-for-breakfast, likely just has a better intellectual understanding of the fae and that may be why he’s not as outwardly concerned as the rest, but he’s also actually decided to trust jester that she knows what she’s dealing with. she has demonstrated both verbally and with her actions that even if she may not have known about artagan initially, She Knows How This Works. and he trusts that. caleb truly went “alright, i trust that you know what you’re doing, where do you need me” and that was IT. i’m not saying that he’s not allowed to be suspicious or concerned or wary of the traveler: i just don’t think he is. and i hate that people keep lumping him in with the rest of the nein “treating jester like a child” because they think he’s predatory or something--especially as caleb and fjord are pretty much the same age--when he is literally the only FUCKING person consistently asking jester how she feels and then actually acting accordingly.
and the thing is, you don’t have to be caleb and largely unconcerned, it is actually possible for you to show concern and alarm and wariness for your friend’s best friend without condescending to them and veth has been doing that this whole damn time. we know how she feels about him; she decidedly does not like him. but she set that aside to really fully listen to jester and then tried to be helpful to her in deciding what to do next, without inserting her own opinion. veth is the only one acknowledging that, sure, this looks really bad and i don’t like that guy, but you know him best, jester, and you know yourself best and so it should be your choice what to do in this situation. she reminds jester--if he is really a friend to you, and he is doing things you don’t like, then you can talk to him about that and he should listen. i want to talk about how when jester suggested that artagan join the mighty nein, there were exactly three reactions. extremely lame excuses from everyone but caleb and veth, “maybe, like, an annex--” from caleb, because he knows what everyone else is gonna say, and “we don’t like your friend” from veth, literally the only person who has apparently decided that jester can hear that without dissolving into a puddle or something.
and i want to make it clear--i don’t hate the actors. and stories are supposed to make you upset and uncomfortable, to an extent. they’re supposed to make you think. you’re not supposed to be happy when darth vader blows up alderaan. you’re not supposed to be happy when edmund betrays his siblings to the white witch. these are all excellent, excellent character choices and i applaud the cast for making them. and i don’t hate fjorester. and like yeah there have been a lot of cute moments in the last few eps. and they are cute and their story is compelling and it’s interesting. but i wish people would stop acting like fjord’s attitude towards her is perfect and lovely and that he trusts her sooo much when he is going behind her back like this. i am...the biggest widomauk shipper. and i have to admit my heart does the swoopy thing every time i rewatch the forehead kiss. but that wasn’t great. it was overall really not a good read or handle of the situation. it was, there was an attempt. and i do think fjord is trying. and i think beau is trying too. and i think all of their attitudes however terrible just come from a place of loving her and wanting to protect her. but--and here i must point frantically back at artagan--loving someone does not mean that you’re not hurting them.
#artagan#the traveler#jester lavorre#fjord#beauregard lionett#caleb widogast#veth brenatto#the mighty nein#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#thane watches critical role#long post
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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Sept. 29, 2020)
@eponymous-rose‘s internet is out tonight, so I’m here late and without coffee! Let’s see how many typos we can fit into an hour and a half episode.
Tonight’s guests: Ashley Williams JOHNSON, oops!! & Liam O’Brien!
We open with Brian in light-up vented sunglasses and Henry at his side, as always. Dani is very excited to be back and has fun-buns in her hair tonight. So cute! Everyone talks about how much they’re Zooming these days for work, and Liam mentions he and Matt & Marisha did a digital cocktail night. He and Dani arrange on camera to have a distanced, masked meetup in the park so Dani can see Liam’s dog again.
No announcements! Tonight, we’re discussin’ episodes 110 and 111.
Starting with the end, Brian jumps right to it by asking how they feel that Molly is alive. Liam 100% thought we’d be back to him, but still wasn’t ready when it happened. Caleb doubted he was alive. Both Liam & Ashley marvel at the numerology that keeps cropping up throughout the show. Brian hates not being able to see it at the same time the show happens live; Ashley was biting her tongue not telling him spoilers. (He doesn’t want to hear spoilers unless Yasha dies so he can be there for Ashley if needed.) Brian says he has a little reality trauma from the night Pike died in the pre-stream game; it was the first time he’d realized how much it affected the players.
Ashley’s realized how much she misses unpacking the game with Brian when they get home. She just has to sit with it until everyone else gets to see it. Brian: “Instead she comes home and I have to fill her in on the Real Housewives of Amarillo, Texas.”
Reunion dinner with Trent! Liam talks about how the way things unfolded with Trent is not at all how he imagined it in his pre-game creation; he’d expected more of a fracas, more of an unexpected clash. “Caleb might have been a different person if he’d run into these people earlier in the story. The M9 changed him before [Trent & co] came back and got to him.” He’d imagined Astrid & Eodwulf to be complicated encounters, but says what Matt’s designed has been even harder than that. A fight on a mountain is one thing, but walking into a room with “what Trent dropped, is impossible to cope with.” It also means that if what Trent said is true, anything Caleb does now is effectively of Trent’s design, even killing him.
He doesn’t think Caleb would have gone anywhere near Trent & co without the M9. “The Mighty Nein--it took a long time--but they cracked Caleb open like a walnut.”
He thinks what Matt has done is much more murky than the simplicity of murder, such as the Briarwood arc. He can’t just exact his revenge now.
Liam says that the tempation to tinker with time is no longer as all-consuming as it was. He might still be tempted if Matt dangles a bunch of carrots in front of him, but he thinks that now it might be better to make sure that that kind of thing doesn’t happen anymore for anyone else (!!!). “It’s still a nugget in his brain and it’s still possible he could be tempted by the drug, but what he wanted in the beginning was entirely selfish, but now that the M9 are involved he owes it to them, to the people of the country, even on the Dynasty side--is so complex that if Caleb were to get that carrot and chase it, he would be risking everything.”
Ashley agrees that most of their choices are no longer black and white. Many of the situations feel more like real life. Liam agrees and says he’ll sometimes make decisions that he’s both really happy with and regrets at the same time. They both look forward to what Matt will reveal in Act 3.
Brian feels it’s tough to gauge how deep they are into what Matt’s planned for the campaign. Liam says that thanks to Matt’s skill, he really doesn’t know what Caleb wants right now.
Ashley agrees, and talks about how she created Yasha to have more to overcome than Pike. She loves what Matt’s doing in terms of allowing each of them to overcome more emotional hurdles than physical ones in this campaign.
Going back to Molly’s grave was very exciting for Ashley since she wasn’t able to be there when he died in the game & wanted to do what she could to honor him. Yasha, however, was very hesitant but knew what needed to be done. She’s not very open with her emotions, but both she & Ashley were stressed. They all could feel the energy in the studio & knew Matt was about to do something mind-blowing. Liam: “You could feel all the dust in the air coalescing around Taliesin.”
Brian trips over Eodwulf. Liam tries to help him find some pronunciation shortcuts. Ashley: “You say it so beautifully.” Brian: “Thank you.” Ashley: “Not you.”
Caleb knows how wickedly intelligent & ambitious Astrid is, and was heartened by the wavering he saw in her at the dinner. However, he can’t trust her until he knows why she’s where she is.
He really feels that if they’d had this dinner 60 episodes ago, Caleb might have tilted back along the evil axis and he would have had to retire the character. He had a playlist entirely for if Caleb turned evil and left the party.
The vision of Zuala was a huge deal for Yasha, even along every other instance she’s had of being mind-controlled, etc. “That’s guilt I think she will always carry with her, but at least she’s starting to forgive herself.” Losing the chains, sprouting wings again--Ashley reiterates that she didn’t know that was even a possibility, she just picked the skeletal wings because they were dope--were huge moments in the character development. Ashley’s glad Beau was there at the moment of the first flight; Ashley thinks of the quotation “Happiness is only beautiful when it’s shared,” and because Yasha tends to keep things very much to herself, having someone there to share it made it more impactful. “That was a cool moment. There’s been a lot of healing for Yasha these last episodes.”d
Ashley also says sometimes in that moment, when all eyes are on you in a one-on-one with Matt, everything goes muffled like Saving Private Ryan. “Wub wub wub.”
Dani feels that the only way she could even have the conversation with Zuala was to let her go in the first place.
Liam thinks one of the things that Yasha & Cad share is that still waters run deep. He loves how much Yasha hangs back sometimes, only to then reveal some new moment like the fighting pit. Apparently Ashley also has a knife collection, and uses that metal side of herself when she wants to let that new side of Yasha show.
Cosplay of the Week: Crystal Armstead (@riyuski on twitter) in a Reani cosplay. Beautiful!
How does Liam feel about the return to Rexxentrum? Very, very complicated. Caleb loves magic and lights up when he sees it, which is wrapped in the Soltryce Academy; he brought folks to the dance hall for the same reason, which was wanting the M9 to see the things that he loved about the city.
Yasha felt the same way about visiting the Chantry of the Dawn. It was a memory of a very traumatic moment (almost killing Beau), but given everything that’s happened between then and now it was cathartic to see again. There’s been a lot of healing in the past few weeks. It also felt like a physical representation of Yasha’s growth, the last time she was controlled against her will like that (or at least, until she was mind-controlled by Vokodo. Ashley sighs, aggrieved.)
Brian: “The tower really feels like a love letter from Caleb to his friends.” Liam: “It is, and a love letter from Liam to his friends.” When he looked at Caleb’s spell list, he remembered how amazing the mansion was in Campaign One and how many role-playing moments it led to and knew he wanted to incorporate it. However, he knew it could never be the same as Scanlan’s mansion because Caleb doesn’t have the same improvisational genius as Scanlan does. Liam has been “tinkering with this machine” for over a year, waiting for the moment to reveal it. He loves that he got a chance to see Jester’s room in time to have her tower room reflect reality. He’d discussed the tower extensively with Dani & Matt. Brian: “Hey! What am I, chopped--what’s the saying?” Ashley: “Chopped cabbage?”
Ashley marvels at the design of the dome. Liam talks about how Caleb knowing Caleb has been abused has been slowly getting better, but he also loves now being able to juxtapose that healing with his innate love of magic and how beautiful he finds it, how he loves to use magic as his artistry. The Soltryce Academy wasn’t “Welcome to DEATH SCHOOL,” it was the Sorbonne. It was amazing, everything he wanted. It was only one bad apple within that recruited him and turned it all bad.
Liam also points out how much it means in real life to be able to express his love and care for his friends in person too.
Ashley talks about how much she loves Yasha’s armor in a meta sense because it’s so cool and useful, and great for her armor class, but struggles with what it represents in game. She might not be able to let it go due to its sheer utility, and she may have to find an in-game reason to justify keeping it.
Ashley segues a moment into talking about her velvet top which apparently has a matching velvet scrunchie. She’s asked to demonstrate the scrunchie and ties her hair up in a way that I have never in my life seen someone do with a scrunchie before, and my hair’s been waist-length most of my life. I watch it again in slow motion. How did she DO that??
Caleb’s been looking for the right time to tell Jester about his past for a long time. She’s a good person and makes him feel like he might be capable of becoming a good person at the end, because that’s how she saw him. Liam knew from Laura that Jester wouldn’t condemn him, but Caleb put it off as long as possible. He also wanted to take the time to make sure Caduceus & Yasha knew the whole story too before they went to dinner with Trent.
Liam was also relieved to get it out, because he could never remember who knew and who didn’t, and now he doesn’t have to track it anymore. “Now we can move forward. Now we can heal wounds, maybe.”
Ashley feels Cad picks up a lot, more than most people realize. Yasha was really affected by Cad’s line: “Patience can be good, but it can lead to apathy.” She really feels it opened her eyes, and she appreciated the simplicity of him pointing out her hair’s growing back white again. Having a friend notice “hey, you’re changing for the better” really means a lot. She’s interested in seeing how this means things might change with Beau.
Dani points out that it also reinforced for Yasha that she can want things too--she can be patient and just continue to be with the group, as she’s wanted, but it’s okay to want more than that too. Ashley remembers Veth asking her what her purpose is. There’s a part of her that knows Yasha is still figuring that out, and she’s interested to see how Yasha will continue to change. She’s always spent her life serving somebody--the Sky Spear, Obann--and then even after she joined the M9, it was very centered on “what do you need, what does the group need, how can I help with our next job?” She’s going to have to take some time to figure out what she wants.
Fanart of the Week! Lovely Yasha & Beau flight art by @JMNP7888. The wings look amazing!
Brian: “One of the things we want to talk to you about, Liam, is about the Vokodo fight and the FUCKING disintegrate spell.”
Liam: “That was one of the most insane 60-90 seconds of gameplay that ever existed for the table, and definitely for me, in the entire history of the show. A lot of people think I just went, oh man, just bet it all on black. But what if I told you that...I Larkin’d the first 20 seconds of that fight and then at a quarter to midnight, I forgot that the reflection was a thing? I just forgot it was a thing! I spent that whole battle thinking I’m just here to banish things. I might buff my friends a little bit, maybe I’ll counterspell, but I’m just here to banish. And it didn’t work and it didn’t work and then it did! Finally it did and Jester made it work and then he was GONE. And then everyone got greedy and it was done but we brought him BACK. And it was a quarter to midnight and I’m not an animatronic D&D lesson machine, I’m just a guy playing D&D at 11:45 at night, and he came back and everyone started Goodfellas circling him and kicking him, and Beau & Yasha are gonna kill him, and then it’s my turn? Disintegrate!
And then the room was quiet, and then time passed, and Matt asked, you really cast Disintegrate? And I said yes, of course, and Matt started rolling dice, and in the back of my head I started wondering why he asked if I was rolling Disintegrate. Oh no. In the back of my brain, I was like, well, just tell him that’s not what you did. Tell him you didn’t remember the reflection thing. But he’s already rolling dice! You can’t take it back now.
Hold on a second. I’m going to take you on the journey I went through. I was thinking: you have a spell save of 17. This thing wasn’t that fast. +1, +2, maybe? Anything under 14 is okay. That’s 70%. 70%. That’s okay, right? And still no one said anything to tip me off that I was in ELDRITCH MADNESS at that point, no one said anything about the reflection! And then I realize it can reflect back on us, and I realize this is...disintegrate. And then I started becoming morbidly, macabre-ly fascinated at the puppet dance of death I had created. Well, this is a mess. I have made a mess. Let’s just sit in it. And somehow, nonsensically, spectacularly, it worked out in my favor. I went home that night and I got in bed next to my wife, who was fast asleep, and I stared at the ceiling going, dude. Duuuuuuuude. Duuuuuuuuuude.”
He apparently also told his therapist about this and how terrible it was and how close he “danced myself to the precipice like a crazy person!” Marisha (as told by Liam): “Epic roll, though.”
Matt told Liam that night that if it had been reflected, it would have gone back on him. “If a player throws an M80 in the middle of a room, it would reflect on that player who threw it.”
Ashley talks about how interesting that Yasha is not performative, and yet has been doing these public performances with the harp. It’s a great experiment for Ashley--Yasha doesn’t like the attention, but feels like she is making something beautiful for the world.” She’s trying to change something about how she views herself & her place in the world. She was raised to be a weapon for the Sky Spear, but she’s also extremely gentle and loves flowers & beautiful music, and the further away she’s gotten from the tribe, she’s falling in love with gentle, beautiful things.
Liam also points out it easy (real, but simplistic) to make an entire character centered around a single personality trait: “I’m angry all the time. I’m sad all the time.” He thinks it’s more realistic to see nuance in personality.
Liam can see some paths for Caleb to find peace & do good. He doesn’t know if Caleb is conscious of those. He thinks it’s a huge step forward to admit he was molded in this direction at all and that it wasn’t all his choice, but doesn’t know if this is the same possibility as redemption.
He also mentions Essek in this answer: there was/is attraction there, both intellectual and physical--the forehead kiss was a big marker of that--and he’s interested in seeing where that goes because he’s invested in Essek’s redemption arc on its own, but Essek is not as high on the list as other things Caleb/the M9 need to work on. He loved the “high spy times” of the Essek arc and the tangled-up-ness of feelings getting involved at the same time as intense commitment to duty.
Liam always felt Matt would bring Molly back in some aspect, even though Caleb always demurred because he doesn’t believe in fate. Dani and Brian agree that this is the start of a new act.
Ashley cried at the Vilya reunion. She thought that was an incredible moment and was so glad to see Keyleth. Liam: “Keyleth as part of our story is everything to me. That story is really important to me, so getting just a glimpse of her again was so important to me.” They could all see how that affected Marisha & how special it was to her. Liam: “It was such a great note in her song or color in her painting. She achieved magnificent things and was powerful and great, but had a very heartbreaking and sad ending, so to have this sliver of joy go back in is so complex and beautiful and masterfully done.”
Aaaaaaand that’s all for tonight! Remember, no Critical Role this week. Talks will be back in two weeks. As always, don’t forget to love each other. <3
#talks machina#critical role#talks machina spoilers#critical role spoilers#long post#long post for ts
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