in my prophet era

Helloo,

What is your advice to give to someone who’s never prayed or repented before but wants to start? I have no clue where to start and am feeling discouraged. I know there’s not a right and wrong to follow but i’d like some advice if you wouldn’t mind.

Thank you so much! Your blog is very inspiring.

Ahh that is so exciting!! Honestly, getting to a point of desiring it is already so wonderful. I wish I had better advice and I'd love for people to chime in. My first ever prayers were really awkward and casual and I think that that's okay! You can tell God that you're not sure what you're doing, but that you want to pray. Ask Him to teach you and ask Him to make your prayers fruitful!

Personally, I also remember finding "vocal" prayers really helpful to supplement more conversational prayers (i.e. prayers that have rote words like the Our Father, the morning offering, etc., not necessarily just prayers spoken out loud)

Using the Psalms as prayers was always really nice (more on this below, some faves are 86, 91 and 116). I didn't grow up around Christians so formulating my own thoughts and words was (and is) challenging. It's okay to experiment with different types of prayer and see what sticks. If it starts to feel burdensome, stop. Thank God for the time you did spend in prayer and keep going about your day. Although it seems counterintuitive, especially for those early in the spiritual life this seems to be the perennial advice of the Saints. You don't need to stack on a big long list of prayers, what counts is that the Holy Spirit prompts you, and you respond to that call even if only with a smile meant for Him.

As far as repentance goes, it sort of depends! If you were baptized as a Catholic and have just been away for a long time, you can make a Sacramental Confession. If not, I'd recommend starting off with some other quick prayer, and asking God for His love for you to be present, and to help you make a good, sincere confession to Him. Take a bit of time just letting Him love you (it might feel awkward, that's okay!), and then, just let out what's burdening you. Even if you forget things or miss something, know that every sin imaginable is just a drop of water against a raging fire of Mercy. If it helps, you can also google an examination of conscience beforehand to help you reflect on what you want to repent of. A favourite Psalm for repentance is 51.

Basically, it's a lot of trial and error, and the way you pray will naturally evolve over time. Ask Him to help you and He will. It's okay to grow discouraged. A good structure to follow is "Thank, Ask, Rely." Thank the Lord for something (getting to work safely, His kindness, the weather, having food for lunch, soft blankets, your guardian angel, etc.), ask Him for what you want/need, and rely on His wisdom and generosity.

Okay, I rambled a lot, but here's like... a sample?? Of something to try, and see if it's sustainable or enjoyable or fruitful:

"My Lord, in your presence I want to prepare my heart for this moment of prayer. Send your Holy Spirit to enlighten me and open my mind and heart to everything you want to tell me today. Thank you Lord, for nourishing me with your word." Read through a Psalm once or twice, and then take a couple of minutes (literally, no longer is necessary) to reflect on what passages stood out to you, confused you, or that you really enjoyed. Maybe ask God a question you have.

Before bed, tell God for something you're grateful for and ask your Guardian Spirit to pray for you throughout the night.

Praying for you, and don't let your discouragement overwhelm you; all of Heaven is rejoicing seeing you try and learn and grow!

Netflix and Chill

Chris Jamal EvansxBlack!Reader

Warnings: slight degredation, breeding kink, dirty talk, m receiving, fingering, creampie, Chris being a little freak 

A/N: I have been absolute trash at getting fics out and to the people that bother reading, I apologize! Being an adult sucks absolute ass. Anyways, I’ve decided to write about Chris Jamal Evans because why not? Hope you enjoy!

==============================================================

You’d been swiping left and right on Tinder for what seemed like hours as you sat on your couch on an uneventful Saturday evening. You’d matched with quite a few men, but somehow you got the ones that were trying for a relationship. How does that even happen? Tinder was supposed to be for hookups. You weren’t about that life right now. What you were looking for was a good, decent fuck. Maybe a wine and dine beforehand, but that wasn’t really all that important. You need dick and you were going to get it tonight one way or the other to save you from a boring night of staring at the TV.

Just then, you stumbled upon the profile of a guy named Chris. You swiped through his pictures and instantly became soaked by the sight of him. They were typical fuckboy pictures, but you could care less because this man was fine. Especially with the buzzed hair and slight stubble he had going on. His eyes were to die for too. They were the most beautiful shade of blue you had ever seen. You couldn’t even get started on his body. It was perfect. The tattoos that covered his torso made you want to lick all all over him. Fuck, you had to have him and you prayed that you guys would match.

After a few more minutes of gawking, you finally swiped right, and thank the Lord, you two matched. You went over to the message section on the app and saw bubbles pop up on screen. The two of you went over the basic introductions before Chris started getting a little bold. He asked for your phone number and when you gave it to him, he instantly called.

“What’s up, girl?” He greeted.

“Chillin’ at home, bored as fuck. What you getting into?” You asked. 

“About to kick back and watch a movie. Be nice if I had some company.”

“Oh really?” You smirked. “Are you implying that you want to Netflix and Chill?”

He let out a husky laugh. “I guess I am. You game?”

Did he even have to ask? Of course you were. You wanted to get in his pants bad. You told him to text you his address before hanging up to get ready. You went to your bedroom and put on a pair of Nike joggers and a cropped hoodie then toed on a pair of slides. Then you went to the bathroom to make sure you hair was done up right. You skipped on makeup since you were just going over to “watch a movie”. You didn’t wear much anyhow since you didn’t really feel the need for it most days. You were comfortable in your own skin. 

Once he sent his address, you hopped in the car and made the twenty minute drive to his place. You pulled up to his house and parked your car in the driveway then made your way up to the door. You knocked and the door swung open. Somehow, you got even more aroused at seeing this man in person. He wore nothing but a pair of loose sweats and a tight wifebeater. His arms were bulging as he held onto the doorway and you swear you were salivating at the view.

Chris gave you a once over, biting his lip as he did so, before looking into your eyes, a smile on his face. “Hey, gorgeous.”

“Hey, yourself.” You replied. “You gonna let me in or what?”

“My apologies, darlin’.” He stepped aside. “Come right in.”

You entered his home and looked around when you went through the foyer. It was your basic bachelor pad, but it was thankfully clean. The living room had a big couch and a giant flat screen mounted on the wall. There were a couple empty beer cans on the coffee table along with some chew toys littered across the floor.

You heard claws scraping against the wood floor and all of a sudden, a dog was jumping all over you. You giggled and began petting him behind the ears.

“I see you met Dodger.” Chris said. 

“He’s adorable.” You smiled, watching as Dodger made his way over to Chris.

Chris leaned down patted him on his side. “Too bad he can’t stick around to watch the movie with us. It’s his bedtime and I think we’ll be a little too busy to pay attention to him. Dodger, bedtime!”

Dodger obediently made his way upstairs, but not without grabbing a stuffed lion to take with him.You turned to Chris, a sly smile on your face. “Oh, we’ll be too busy, will we?”

“Yeah, I think we will.” Chris said huskily. “Go ahead and pick a movie. I’m gonna grab some beers.”

You settled in on the couch and started surfing through Netflix while Chris disappeared into the kitchen. Once he returned, you had a movie picked out and waited for him to get situated. He took a seat right next to you and handed you a beer, which you gladly took. 

“You ready?” You asked, looking up the bigger man.

Chris sunk down in his seat and widened his legs, pretty much manspreading beside you. He took a swig of his drink before responding. “Fire it up, girl.”

After pressing play, you put the remote to the side and relaxed into the couch, nursing your beer. The two of you sat in comfortable silence watching the film for the next thirty minutes. Then you noticed Chris glancing over at you every now and again. And you knew exactly what that meant so you decided to call him out on it.

“Why you keep looking over at me?” You smirked. 

“What you mean?” He questioned, looking you up and down seductively, licking his lips.

“You keep turning your head over here and the way you looking at me right now makes me think you’re about to do something.”

Chris chuckled, turning back to the TV for a second before looking back at you. “Oh yeah? What do you think I’m gonna do, huh?”

“I don’t know, Chris. You tell me.” You replied.

“I wanna see what’s under that hoodie.” He shrugged.

You rolled your eyes, feigning annoyance, and pulled your hoodie off. You wore nothing but a bra underneath. Chris groaned and scooted even closer to you before wrapping his hand around the back of your neck and pulling you into a kiss. His tongue swiped across your lower lip and you moaned, grabbing his shoulders. You opened your mouth, inviting him in, and he intertwined his tongue with yours. The kiss was rough, sloppy, and oh so hot, and now your panties were completely drenched. God, this man could kiss like no other. 

Chris grabbed your hand and placed it over his crotch. You internally gasped at the feeling of his thick cock. It felt like a monster and you were dying to see it. You stroked him through his sweats and Chris moaned into the kiss, grabbing one of your breasts and squeezing it. You broke the kiss and whimpered quietly at the feeling of his hand on you. He sat back with a hiss, moving his hand from your breast to your clothed center as he watched you stroke him. 

“Goddamn, baby.” He breathed, rubbing his thick fingers over your pussy. “Take the rest of your clothes off.”

“What about you?” You asked.

He sat up and pulled off the wifebeater he wore then pulled his sweats down to his thighs, letting his cock spring out, already leaking precum. Taking himself in hand, he stroked himself slowly, watching you as you began to rid yourself of the rest of your clothes. Once you were completely naked, Chris cursed under his breath and reached out with his free hand to touch you. His hand stroked up your tummy before reaching your breasts, tweaking your nipples. You moaned out and took his balls in your hand, kneading them softly. Chris groaned, widening his legs more, then leaned over and kissed you again.

“You gonna suck Daddy’s dick?” He said on your lips between kisses.

Oh shit. How did he know you had a daddy kink? That was your biggest weakness and him just saying the word had you creating a puddle underneath you. You whimpered and nodded your head then sank to your knees between his thick legs. You grabbed his cock and licked the tip then went to the other side, soaking him in your spit. Chris moaned, placing his hand on the back of your neck. 

“Don’t tease, baby. I’ve been hard since you walked in the door.” He said huskily, eyes heavily lidded. “Take me in your mouth like a good girl.”

You obeyed and started sucking him in earnest and what you couldn’t fit in your mouth, you stroked in a twisting motion, causing Chris to twitch slightly. You pulled off of him and went lower, sucking his big balls into your mouth while you continued jerking him.

“Just like that, babygirl. Fuck, you feel so good.” He moaned out. “Keep sucking my balls.”

You felt his hand fall away from your neck and you looked up at him to see his head leaned back and eyes shut. You could tell he was getting close. He was breathing heavy and his legs were starting to shake a bit. When you started sucking on his tip again, he grunted and his hips jerked up. Soon, he was pushing you off him.

“Don’t wanna cum yet.” He panted, standing on slightly shaky legs. “Lay down on the couch.”

You did as you were told and lied back against the couch, your head resting against the arm. You watched Chris’s cock swing between his legs as pried yours open and kneeled between them. He looked down at your soaked pussy and hummed lowly biting his lower lip.

“Such a pretty little pussy.” He said before licking his fingers and rubbing your clit. “Can’t wait to get my cock in there.”

You moaned loudly, both at his fingers and his words. “I want you in me, Daddy.”

“Yeah? You want me in there?” 

“Mhm.” You nodded then threw your head back when he inserted two of his fingers.

“Gotta stretch you out first, baby. You’re so fuckin’ tight.” His other hand went down to lazily stroke himself while he fingered you. “Wanna wreck this little pussy so bad though. Make your toes curl.”

His dirty talk got you so close to the edge, but before you could cum, Chris pulled his fingers out of you. He placed his free hand on your knee and just stared down at you while he continued stroking himself. Your pussy clenched around nothing and he groaned at the sight. You brought your hands up to your tits, squeezing them and rolling your nipples with your fingers.

He looked up at your chest and you could swear his blue eyes got darker. “Fuck, baby. You ready for Daddy to fuck you?”

“Yes, Daddy.” You whimpered. “Want your fat cock in me.”

Chris grabbed the backs of your knees and pushed them up to your chest before tapping his cock against your folds then sliding in to the hilt. You gasped and your eyes screwed shut at the feeling of being so full. He gave you a moment to adjust before starting to move. He moved slowly at a first, dragging his cock out then slamming in deep, making you cry out. 

“Harder, Daddy.” You gasped, getting close again.

“Oh yeah. Daddy’s about to tear you up.” That was all he needed to hear before he started fucking into you harder.

His balls slapped against your ass as he roughly pounded in you and you were close to your climax. When he started hitting your spot, you stiffened and let go, soaking his cock in your juices. Chris let out a wanton groan at the sight of you cumming all over his dick, twitching inside of you. 

“Fuck, you’re so nasty.” He panted. “I fuckin’ love it. Want you to cum again.”

You had never cum that hard so quick before. He was touching places inside you that nobody has ever reached. Chris was stroking into you so deep and hard and with the way he was rolling his hips around as he did so was getting you close again. He let go of your legs and leaned over you, wrapping a hand around your neck and the grabbed your hair, pulling slightly. He bent down and sealed his lips over yours, groaning into your mouth as he kept the same pace. You ran your hands through his buzzed hair, scratching at his scalp. Then your hands went to his chest, rubbing over his nipples and down his hairy torso, feeling his abs contract when you went lower.

“You like that dick?” He pulled away from the kiss, looking into your eyes. “Tell me you like it, bitch.”

This man was going to fucking ruin you. “I love it, Daddy. Love that big dick pounding me!”

“You’re gonna cum on this fuckin’ dick again, yeah? Soak Daddy with your pussy juice?” He said lowly, biting your lip.

You eagerly nodded, eyes rolling in the back of your head when he started grinding his hips into you. “I’m so close, Daddy!”

“Cum for Daddy, bitch. Cum all over me.” He demanded, reaching down to rub your throbbing clit.

Your entire body stiffened, hitting your peak once again. Chris watched as you shook beneath him and his rhythm began to falter. He started grinding into sloppily, chasing his own release.

“Fuck, I’m about to cum.” He moaned, looking into your eyes. “You on birth control?”

You nodded lazily as you scratched at his scalp. “Put it in me.”

Chris let out a shuddering pant. “Oh, I’m gonna fill this pussy up. Tell me you want it, baby. Tell me.”

“Give me that load, Daddy. Want you to fill me up with that hot cum.” You urged, bringing his head down to lick at his neck.

He moaned loudly in your ear and laid down on top of you, wrapping his arms around your torso to pull you against him. With every thrust, he was letting out these hot little grunts that had your pussy squeezing him tight. That sent him over the edge and with a few more deep thrusts, he stilled inside you. You could feel his cock twitching intensely inside you as he filled you with his hot load. Chris pulled you tighter against him, holding you tight. 

After a few moments of him catching his breath, he slowly pulled away from you and sat up, looking down at where you two were joined. “Fuck, that’s so hot.”

You looked down and laughed softly at the mess you both made. Chris carefully pulled out of you and groaned when he saw his cum leaking out of you. He leaned over and grabbed his wifebeater and began to wipe you off before tossing it to the side and laying back on the other side of the couch, wiping the sweat from his brow.

“That was amazing.” He commented, looking over at you. “You got really good pussy.”

“Well, thank you.” You replied while redressing.

Chris grabbed his sweats and put them back on before grabbing his beer and taking a sip. He watched you get dressed and pull on your shoes. “Hopefully this isn’t the only time we hook up.”

“Isn’t that what Tinder is for? One time hookups?” You questioned.

“I mean, yeah. Ninety-nine percent of the time.” He responded. “But I’d like this to happen again.”

You laughed. “Oh, god. Please tell me you haven’t caught feelings already, Christopher.”

“I don’t catch feelings, alright?” He smirked. “I do, however, refuse to fuck someone like you just once.”

You giggled, shaking your head, before making your way toward the door with Chris in tow. He opened it for you and you stepped out onto the porch. You turned back to him, catching the man checking you out once again.

“Seriously, let me know if you need some dick again. I’m always down.” He smirked.

“I might. Don’t be blowing up my phone though. Shit’s annoying.” You said.

“I won’t.” He stepped forward and gave you peck on the lips. “Be careful gettin’ home, alright?”

“I will.”

With that, you made your way to your car and got into the driver’s seat. You sat back and thought about what just transpired. Chris was very dangerous, and while you haven’t caught feelings, you were definitely sprung. 

A/N: This is probably shit, but please let me know if you liked it! Reblog, make a note, whatever!

New Family

So, I promised this so, @cookidoughlilac here it it. Enjoy and apologizes for it being so long.

Lucifer smiled as Satan rolled his eyes. It was almost time for the wedding. Satan felt anxious for a million reasons. One: He was about to become the son of Lord Diavolo and King Diavolo’s grandson. Two: He is not prepared to have a step-father and is mortified that he is the one walking Lucifer down. Three: He is about to become a prince and that could force him to marry whoever the King asks.

“Are you ready, dad? Though I guess I can call you-”

“Don’t you dare say it and yes, I am ready.” Satan sighed, taking his dad’s hand and walking out of the room and to the wedding room.

Time to have a step-father.

Time to marry my idiot. Satan chuckled, gripping his arm tighter as they walked down the aisle. His nerves were out of wack but, no one could see through his perfected smile. He let Lucifer go into Diavolo’s waiting hand. Beforehand, Lucifer squeezed Satan’s arm in reassurance. He walked back to his seat, sitting down with everyone else. He closed his eyes, zoning out the words for a moment, waiting for the dreaded lines.

“It’s alright, don’t worry.” Mammon whispered, holding Satan’s hand. Satan smiled at him, squeezing it. It seemed to take forever for the King to say those lines.

“Do you, Crown Prince Diavolo, take Lucifer MorningStar’s hand in marriage, in life and death, for the rest of eternity?”

“I do.” Diavolo replied, smiling at Lucifer.

“Do you, Lucifer MorningStar, take Crown Prince Diavolo’s hand in marriage, in life and death, for the rest of eternity?”

“I do.” Lucifer smiled as Diavolo slipped the ring on. Satan smiled.

“I pronounce you as Diavolo and Lucifer MorningStar and the Princes of Devildom. You may finally kiss the archdemon.” Diavolo picked Lucifer up, kissing him as they spun around. Everyone stood up, applauding and cheering them on. Satan could feel Lucifer’s glee through their connection. It made him happy for him but the nerves grew worse. What would the King feel about him? Would he like him? Would he declare me as a disgrace? Would he-

Sameul MorningStar, breath. Lucifer smirked, glancing at Satan. Satan shook his head as Diavolo carried Lucifer down the aisle.

You got no idea how he’ll feel about me.

He’ll love you, promise.

Sure.

~~~~~~~

Satan smiled as Lucifer and Diavolo danced, faint smiles on both of them. It was nice, the party was going well with as much chaos his family produce.

“So, you’re Sameul.” Satan jumped, looking next to him. There stood the king himself, taller than his son. Satan smiled sheepishly, praying his charisma help him now.

“Nice to meet you, your majesty.”

“Please, you’re royalty as well, it’ll seem strange if you call me that.” Satan shrugged.

“Well, considering the current position I have is the ruler of hell, I believe it would be better to refer to you as royalty still.”

“Even when your father is now my son-in-law.”

“Yes.” How much longer until I get my boyfriend? Also, SOS.

What’s wrong?

“I want to talk to you in private.” The king took his hand

I’m in danger. Satan snickered at his own comment. They walked to the balcony, watching the crowds in the streets and the fireworks.

“What do you want to talk about?” Satan asked, rubbing his hands to keep them warm. He hated when it was winter down in Devildom and of course they decided to marry in the winter.

“Since you’ll be the next crown prince, I think we should be concerned about your relationship.” Goddamn it.

“Well, considering I’m in one now, I think it’s fine.” Satan, where are you?

“Yes, you and Barbatos if I’m correct.” Satan nodded. With the King, I’m scared.

“We’ve been together for 119 years now, almost 120.” The King raised a brow. What is he doing?

“Interesting,” The King stated, staring holes at Satan, “has it been well?”

“Other than my overprotective uncles and dad and the public, it has been well, amazing in fact. I mean, the few times after we got figured out was perfect.” Satan mumbled the last part, looking out to the sky.

“That’s excellent,” The King started, “It’s nice when things go to plan don’t they? Even when your family counters it often.” Satan nodded.

“It’s nice.” Satan mumbled, hoping his nerves weren’t showing. The King studied him as he tried to warm himself up.

“You are aware that I’m okay with it, correct?” Satan sighed in relief.

“Sounded like you weren’t.”

“I’m just wondering when I will have to attend your wedding?”

“What?”

“OH HELL NO!” Satan laughed, looking behind him when Lucifer was stomping over. The King rolled his eyes, shrugging at Lucifer.

“Do you not want me to get married?”

“No, you will not be married anytime soon.” Satan rolled his eyes as Lucifer took his hand, walking away from the King. Satan laughed, leaning his head onto Lucifer’s shoulder.

“Aw, do you not want me to grow up?” He could feel Lucifer rolling his eyes.

“You are grown up but, no, you are never allowed to marry. And I told you he’ll like you.” Satan groaned when they were near a wall in the danceroom. Lucifer flicked Satan’s nose, smiling fondly at him.

“Whatever, old man.”

“Though, whatever made him think you two were getting married.”

“Well, considering you two got married within three years of dating and Barbatos and I have been together for almost 120 years, it would make sense.”

“Wait what? I’m sorry, I only knew about the last decade.”

“Yeah, we’re good at hiding it.”

“However there will be no wedding.”

“Not like either of us would want one anyway.” Lucifer rolled his eyes, looking out into the dancing crowd. Everyone was having fun, hell even Levi was with his first ever boyfriend. Of course everyone was slightly worried but, it seemed fine so far.

“Well, may as well enjoy ourselves.” Satan nodded. Though he would rather watch then join, Lucifer dragged him out and forced him to join the dance. The night was young anyway so may as well enjoy it.

28th March >> Mass Readings (Except USA)

Palm Sunday, Cycle B.

(Liturgical Colour: Red)

(This gospel is read at the procession with palms before Mass):

Either:

Gospel

Mark 11:1-10

Blessings on him who comes in the name of the Lord.

When they drew near to Jerusalem, to Bethphage and Bethany, at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two of his disciples, and said to them, ‘Go into the village opposite you, and immediately as you enter it you will find a colt tied, on which no one has ever sat; untie it and bring it. If any one says to you, “Why are you doing this?” say, “The Lord has need of it and will send it back here immediately.”’ And they went away, and found a colt tied at the door out in the open street; and they untied it. And those who stood there said to them, ‘What are you doing, untying the colt?’ And they told them what Jesus had said; and they let them go. And they brought the colt to Jesus, and threw their garments on it; and he sat upon it. And many spread their garments on the road, and others spread leafy branches which they had cut from the fields. And those who went before and those who followed cried out, ‘Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Blessed is the kingdom of our father David that is coming! Hosanna in the highest!’

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

Or:

Alternative Gospel

John 12:12-16

Blessings on him who comes in the name of the Lord.

A great crowd who had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying, ‘Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the king of Israel!’ And Jesus found a young ass and sat upon it; as is written, ‘Fear not, daughter of Sion; behold, your king is coming, sitting on an ass’s colt!’ His disciples did not understand this at first; but when Jesus was glorified, then they remembered that this had been written of him and had been done to him.

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

(The following are the readings at the Mass itself):

First reading

Isaiah 50:4-7

I did not cover my face against insult: I know I shall not be shamed

The Lord has given me a disciple’s tongue. So that I may know how to reply to the wearied he provides me with speech. Each morning he wakes me to hear, to listen like a disciple. The Lord has opened my ear.

For my part, I made no resistance, neither did I turn away. I offered my back to those who struck me, my cheeks to those who tore at my beard; I did not cover my face against insult and spittle.

The Lord comes to my help, so that I am untouched by the insults. So, too, I set my face like flint; I know I shall not be shamed.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 21(22):8-9,17-20,23-24

R/ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

All who see me deride me.    They curl their lips, they toss their heads. ‘He trusted in the Lord, let him save him;    let him release him if this is his friend.’

R/ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Many dogs have surrounded me,    a band of the wicked beset me. They tear holes in my hands and my feet    I can count every one of my bones.

R/ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

They divide my clothing among them.    They cast lots for my robe. O Lord, do not leave me alone,    my strength, make haste to help me!

R/ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

I will tell of your name to my brethren    and praise you where they are assembled. ‘You who fear the Lord give him praise;    all sons of Jacob, give him glory.    Revere him, Israel’s sons.

R/ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Second Reading

Philippians 2:6-11

Christ humbled himself but God raised him high

His state was divine, yet Christ Jesus did not cling to his equality with God but emptied himself to assume the condition of a slave and became as men are; and being as all men are, he was humbler yet, even to accepting death, death on a cross. But God raised him high and gave him the name which is above all other names so that all beings in the heavens, on earth and in the underworld, should bend the knee at the name of Jesus and that every tongue should acclaim Jesus Christ as Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Gospel Acclamation

Philippians 2:8-9

Praise to you, O Christ, king of eternal glory! Christ was humbler yet, even to accepting death, death on a cross. But God raised him high and gave him the name which is above all names. Praise to you, O Christ, king of eternal glory!

Either:

Gospel

Mark 14:1-15:47

The Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ according to Mark

Key: N. Narrator. ✠ Jesus. O. Other single speaker. C. Crowd, or more than one speaker.

   N. It was two days before the Passover and the feast of Unleavened Bread, and the chief priests and the scribes were looking for a way to arrest Jesus by some trick and have him put to death. For they said,    C. It must not be during the festivities, or there will be a disturbance among the people.    N. Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper; he was at dinner when a woman came in with an alabaster jar of very costly ointment, pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the ointment on his head. Some who were there said to one another indignantly,    C. Why this waste of ointment? Ointment like this could have been sold for over three hundred denarii and the money given to the poor.    N. and they were angry with her. But Jesus said,    ✠ Leave her alone. Why are you upsetting her? What she has done for me is one of the good works. You have the poor with you always, and you can be kind to them whenever you wish, but you will not always have me. She has done what was in her power to do: she has anointed my body beforehand for its burial. I tell you solemnly, wherever throughout all the world the Good News is proclaimed, what she has done will be told also, in remembrance of her.    N. Judas Iscariot, one of the Twelve, approached the chief priests with an offer to hand Jesus over to them. They were delighted to hear it, and promised to give him money; and he looked for a way of betraying him when the opportunity should occur.    On the first day of Unleavened Bread, when the Passover lamb was sacrificed, his disciples said to him,    C. Where do you want us to go and make the preparations for you to eat the passover?    N. So he sent two of his disciples, saying to them,    ✠ Go into the city and you will meet a man carrying a pitcher of water. Follow him, and say to the owner of the house which he enters, ‘The Master says: “Where is my dining room in which I can eat the passover with my disciples?”’ He will show you a large upper room furnished with couches, all prepared. Make the preparations for us there.    N. The disciples set out and went to the city and found everything as he had told them, and prepared the Passover.    When evening came he arrived with the Twelve. And while they were at table eating, Jesus said,    ✠ I tell you solemnly, one of you is about to betray me, one of you eating with me.    N. They were distressed and asked him, one after another,    C. Not I, surely?    N. He said to them,    ✠ It is one of the Twelve, one who is dipping into the same dish with me. Yes, the Son of Man is going to his fate, as the scriptures say he will, but alas for that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! Better for that man if he had never been born!    N. And as they were eating he took some bread, and when he had said the blessing he broke it and gave it to them, saying:    ✠ Take it: this is my body.    N. Then he took a cup, and when he had returned thanks he gave it to them, and all drank from it, and he said to them,    ✠ This is my blood, the blood of the covenant, which is to be poured out for many. I tell you solemnly, I shall not drink any more wine until the day I drink the new wine in the kingdom of God.    N. After psalms had been sung they left for the Mount of Olives. And Jesus said to them,    ✠ You will all lose faith, for the scripture says: ‘I shall strike the shepherd and the sheep will be scattered.’ However, after my resurrection I shall go before you to Galilee.    N. Peter said,    O. Even if all lose faith, I will not.    N. And Jesus said to him,    ✠ I tell you solemnly, this day, this very night, before the cock crows twice, you will have disowned me three times.    N. But he repeated still more earnestly,    O. If I have to die with you, I will never disown you.    N. And they all said the same.    They came to a small estate called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples,    ✠ Stay here while I pray.    N. Then he took Peter and James and John with him. And a sudden fear came over him, and great distress. And he said to them,    ✠ My soul is sorrowful to the point of death. Wait here, and keep awake.    N. And going on a little further he threw himself on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, this hour might pass him by. He said:    ✠ Abba (Father)! Everything is possible for you. Take this cup away from me. But let it be as you, not I, would have it.    N. He came back and found them sleeping, and he said to Peter,    ✠ Simon, are you asleep? Had you not the strength to keep awake one hour? You should be awake, and praying not to be put to the test. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.    N. Again he went away and prayed, saying the same words. And once more he came back and found them sleeping, their eyes were so heavy; and they could find no answer for him. He came back a third time and said to them,    ✠ You can sleep on now and take your rest. It is all over. The hour has come. Now the Son of Man is to be betrayed into the hands of sinners. Get up! Let us go! My betrayer is close at hand already.    N. Even while he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, came up with a number of men armed with swords and clubs, sent by the chief priests and the scribes and the elders. Now the traitor had arranged a signal with them. He had said,    O. The one I kiss he is the man. Take him in charge, and see he is well guarded when you lead him away.    N. So when the traitor came, he went straight up to Jesus and said,    O. Rabbi!    N. and kissed him. The others seized him and took him in charge. Then one of the bystanders drew his sword and struck out at the high priest’s servant, and cut off his ear.    Then Jesus spoke:    ✠ Am I a brigand, that you had to set out to capture me with swords and clubs? I was among you teaching in the Temple day after day and you never laid hands on me. But this is to fulfil the scriptures.    N. And they all deserted him and ran away. A young man who followed him had nothing on but a linen cloth. They caught hold of him, but he left the cloth in their hands and ran away naked.    They led Jesus off to the high priest; and all the chief priests and the elders and the scribes assembled there. Peter had followed him at a distance, right into the high priest’s palace, and was sitting with the attendants warming himself at the fire.    The chief priests and the whole Sanhedrin were looking for evidence against Jesus on which they might pass the death sentence. But they could not find any. Several, indeed, brought false evidence against him, but their evidence was conflicting. Some stood up and submitted this false evidence against him,    C. We heard him say, ‘I am going to destroy this Temple made by human hands, and in three days build another, not made by human hands.’    N. But even on this point their evidence was conflicting. The high priest then stood up before the whole assembly and put this question to Jesus,    O. Have you no answer to that? What is this evidence these men are bringing against you?    N. But he was silent and made no answer at all. The high priest put a second question to him,    O. Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed One?    N. Jesus said,    ✠ I am, and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the Power and coming with the clouds of heaven.    N. The high priest tore his robes, and said:    O. What need of witnesses have we now? You heard the blasphemy. What is your finding?    N. And they all gave their verdict: he deserved to die.    Some of them started spitting at him and, blindfolding him, began hitting him with their fists and shouting,    C. Play the prophet!    N. And the attendants rained blows on him.    While Peter was down below in the courtyard, one of the high priest’s servant-girls came up. She saw Peter warming himself there, stared at him and said,    O. You too were with Jesus, the man from Nazareth.    N. But he denied it, saying.    O. I do not know, I do not understand, what you are talking about.    N. And he went out into the forecourt. The servant-girl saw him and again started telling the bystanders,    O. This fellow is one of them.    N. But again he denied it. A little later the bystanders themselves said to Peter,    C. You are one of them for sure! Why, you are a Galilean.    N. But he started calling down curses on himself and swearing,    O. I do not know the man you speak of.    N. At that moment the cock crew for the second time, and Peter recalled how Jesus had said to him, ‘Before the cock crows twice, you will have disowned me three times.’ And he burst into tears.    First thing in the morning, the chief priests together with the elders and scribes, in short the whole Sanhedrin, had their plan ready. They had Jesus bound and took him away and handed him over to Pilate.    Pilate questioned him:    O. Are you the king of the Jews?    N. He answered,    ✠ It is you who say it.    N. And the chief priests brought many accusations against him. Pilate questioned him again:    O. Have you no reply at all? See how many accusations they are bringing against you!    N. But, to Pilate’s amazement, Jesus made no further reply.    At festival time Pilate used to release a prisoner for them, anyone they asked for. Now a man called Barabbas was then in prison with the rioters who had committed murder during the uprising. When the crowd went up and began to ask Pilate the customary favour, Pilate answered them    O. Do you want me to release for you the king of the Jews?    N. For he realised it was out of jealousy that the chief priests had handed Jesus over. The chief priests, however, had incited the crowd to demand that he should release Barabbas for them instead. Then Pilate spoke again:    O. But in that case, what am I to do with the man you call king of the Jews?    N. They shouted back,    C. Crucify him!    N. Pilate asked them,    O. Why? What harm has he done?    N. But they shouted all the louder,    C. Crucify him!    N. So Pilate, anxious to placate the crowd, released Barabbas for them and, having ordered Jesus to be scourged, handed him over to be crucified.    The soldiers led him away to the inner part of the palace, that is, the Praetorium, and called the whole cohort together. They dressed him up in purple, twisted some thorns into a crown and put it on him. And they began saluting him,    C. Hail, king of the Jews!    N. They struck his head with a reed and spat on him; and they went down on their knees to do him homage. And when they had finished making fun of him, they took off the purple and dressed him in his own clothes.    They enlisted a passer-by, Simon of Cyrene, father of Alexander and Rufus, who was coming in from the country, to carry his cross. They brought Jesus to the place called Golgotha, which means the place of the skull.    They offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he refused it. Then they crucified him, and shared out his clothing, casting lots to decide what each should get. It was the third hour when they crucified him. The inscription giving the charge against him read: ‘The King of the Jews.’ And they crucified two robbers with him, one on his right and one on his left.    The passers-by jeered at him; they shook their heads and said,    C. Aha! So you would destroy the Temple and rebuild it in three days! Then save yourself: come down from the cross!    N. The chief priests and the scribes mocked him among themselves in the same way. They said,    C. He saved others; he cannot save himself. Let the Christ, the king of Israel, come down from the cross now, for us to see it and believe.    N. Even those who were crucified with him taunted him.    When the sixth hour came there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice,    ✠ Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?    N. which means, ‘My God, my God, why have you deserted me?’ When some of those who stood by heard this, they said    C. Listen, he is calling on Elijah.    N. Someone ran and soaked a sponge in vinegar and, putting it on a reed, gave it him to drink, saying:    O. Wait and see if Elijah will come to take him down.    N. But Jesus gave a loud cry and breathed his last.    All kneel and pause for a moment.    And the veil of the Temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The centurion, who was standing in front of him, had seen how he had died, and he said,    O. In truth this man was a son of God.    N. There were some women watching from a distance. Among them were Mary of Magdala, Mary who was the mother of James the younger and Joset, and Salome. These used to follow him and look after him when he was in Galilee. And there were many other women there who had come up to Jerusalem with him.    It was now evening, and since it was Preparation Day (that is, the vigil of the sabbath), there came Joseph of Arimathaea, a prominent member of the Council, who himself lived in the hope of seeing the kingdom of God, and he boldly went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. Pilate, astonished that he should have died so soon, summoned the centurion and enquired if he was already dead. Having been assured of this by the centurion, he granted the corpse to Joseph who bought a shroud, took Jesus down from the cross, wrapped him in the shroud and laid him in a tomb which had been hewn out of the rock. He then rolled a stone against the entrance to the tomb. Mary of Magdala and Mary the mother of Joset were watching and took note of where he was laid.

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

Or:

Gospel

Mark 15:1-39

The Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ according to Mark

Key: N. Narrator. ✠ Jesus. O. Other single speaker. C. Crowd, or more than one speaker.

   N. First thing in the morning, the chief priests together with the elders and scribes – in short, the whole Sanhedrin – had their plan ready. They had Jesus bound and took him away and handed him over to Pilate.    Pilate questioned him:    O. Are you the king of the Jews?    N. He answered,    ✠ It is you who say it.    N. And the chief priests brought many accusations against him. Pilate questioned him again:    O. Have you no reply at all? See how many accusations they are bringing against you!    N. But, to Pilate’s amazement, Jesus made no further reply.    At festival time Pilate used to release a prisoner for them, anyone they asked for. Now a man called Barabbas was then in prison with the rioters who had committed murder during the uprising. When the crowd went up and began to ask Pilate the customary favour, Pilate answered them    O. Do you want me to release for you the king of the Jews?    N. For he realised it was out of jealousy that the chief priests had handed Jesus over. The chief priests, however, had incited the crowd to demand that he should release Barabbas for them instead. Then Pilate spoke again:    O. But in that case, what am I to do with the man you call king of the Jews?    N. They shouted back,    C. Crucify him!    N. Pilate asked them,    O. Why? What harm has he done?    N. But they shouted all the louder,    C. Crucify him!    N. So Pilate, anxious to placate the crowd, released Barabbas for them and, having ordered Jesus to be scourged, handed him over to be crucified.    The soldiers led him away to the inner part of the palace, that is, the Praetorium, and called the whole cohort together. They dressed him up in purple, twisted some thorns into a crown and put it on him. And they began saluting him,    C. Hail, king of the Jews!    N. They struck his head with a reed and spat on him; and they went down on their knees to do him homage. And when they had finished making fun of him, they took off the purple and dressed him in his own clothes.    They enlisted a passer-by, Simon of Cyrene, father of Alexander and Rufus, who was coming in from the country, to carry his cross. They brought Jesus to the place called Golgotha, which means the place of the skull.    They offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he refused it. Then they crucified him, and shared out his clothing, casting lots to decide what each should get. It was the third hour when they crucified him. The inscription giving the charge against him read: ‘The King of the Jews.’ And they crucified two robbers with him, one on his right and one on his left.    The passers-by jeered at him; they shook their heads and said,    C. Aha! So you would destroy the Temple and rebuild it in three days! Then save yourself: come down from the cross!    N. The chief priests and the scribes mocked him among themselves in the same way. They said,    C. He saved others; he cannot save himself. Let the Christ, the king of Israel, come down from the cross now, for us to see it and believe.    N. Even those who were crucified with him taunted him.    When the sixth hour came there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice,    ✠ Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?    N. which means, ‘My God, my God, why have you deserted me?’ When some of those who stood by heard this, they said    C. Listen, he is calling on Elijah.    N. Someone ran and soaked a sponge in vinegar and, putting it on a reed, gave it him to drink, saying:    O. Wait and see if Elijah will come to take him down.    N. But Jesus gave a loud cry and breathed his last.    All kneel and pause for a moment.    And the veil of the Temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The centurion, who was standing in front of him, had seen how he had died, and he said,    O. In truth this man was a son of God.

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

Some Thoughts On Prayer...

I’ve been feeling a stirring these last few weeks once again on the subject of prayer, communion, a lifestyle of being aware of God’s Glory, and contemplating in Abba, Jesus, and Holy Spirit!

Have you felt it?

Specifically, I’m getting excited about throwing some more prayer parties! And, I still love the concept of thinking of prayer specifically as a party for SO many reasons!

What I have been sensing is this:

The Church desperately needs to come to see prayer as a preferred relaxing recreational activity! To see communing with God as part of our lifestyle, and also as something that we'd choose to go and participate in for fun, something we look forward to, something that we’d choose on a vacation, or after a long day.

Like, hey do you want to go for drinks after work, or hey, do you want to go to a park later, or go to the swimming pool? Hey, do you want to go pray with me after work, or spend an entire weekend enjoying some prayer with me? Hahaha! Yes! Maybe it’s no coincidence that pray and play are such similar words??? P God’s Presence is a party!

The Gospel also declares that Jesus has already answered our most pressing prayers in Himself.

So what do we pray for now???

What is the point of prayer?

Surely, I do believe that there are still things to ask of God in prayer, especially that we would fully experience what we’ve already been given. And, we need to know that we can come to our Abba in times of distress and great need. We get to cast our cares upon Him! Truly, there is no wrong way to pray. However, most of us have still been asking God for things that are already ours in Christ! More than that, I think most of us haven’t come to rest in the central purpose of prayer, or should I say Person of prayer. Simply being with Abba, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, consciously enjoying one another’s company as both the means and the end. I often say that my prayer life has moved from asking to basking.

Another phrase that keeps coming up to me lately is, “Prayer is much more of a recreational thing, than a medicinal thing.” If we’ve already been healed by His stripes, then maybe our focus can be elsewhere?? Of course, I still love praying healing prayers, and praying for any perceived needs, from a place of completeness. Yet those are much more of a ‘speaking the Truth into a situation,’ seeing as ‘it truly is done.’ And, as I mentioned earlier, sometimes we just need to come and cast our cares, troubles, burdens and ills upon the Lord. He is so kind and good!!!

Overall, however, I think we’ve just made the things of God into such serious endeavors! Often this is fed by our sense of lack, and the pressing needs of the world. Then also, I think we’ve often bought into lesser ideas of what all recreation and fun can entail in our lives, sometimes we’ve even bought in to straight up counterfeit fun! There are so many invisible joys and spiritual experiences that are available to the "everyman" with God! I'm convinced that there's enough recreational relationship experiences in God to where we could never be bored in all our eternal days with Him!

Also, specifically, still, prayer itself has felt intimidating to most of us, or like we need to keep our minds from wandering, or that maybe we still think it “doesn’t work,” or we’re not sure what is the point, or we grew up with prayer being something “not fun,” or for whatever other reason, and it makes us reluctant to pray. Sometimes we may want to get around other people who are having ecstatic recreational prayer experiences with the Lord, for something of an "activation." I've found this to be especially helpful.

I think the joy, the ecstasy of His Presence, the relaxation, the rejuvination, the addiction IS the only way that anyone could ever truly begin to move towards a life of “praying continually.” God moving from within us, motivating us by the joy of Love! Duty and need based prayer just can’t motivate us consistently enough toward a steady life of conversation with God. I’ve seen it tried. I definitely tried it myself. Falling in love is so much more healthy, happy, and long lasting than the old paradigms that make prayer out to be a work. More than falling in love, even, it's finding ourselves enveloped in Christ, caught up inside Jesus' loving experiences with Abba and Holy Spirit! I think that many of us who have been set free from religion are finally coming to a place where we just want to pray more, as the scandal of Trinitarian Grace is beginning to draw us in to what true enjoyment is, the things that They enjoy. We’ve used our freedom to explore the world, and we’re coming back to prayer, and many other of the old "spiritual disciplines" again, but from a vastly different place.

Prayer as our new relaxing hobby of choice, in a healthy rhythm and flow, not as a demanding routine; this is going to be transformational for the church, for the world, for everyone! It’s time for a new wave of this healthy, ecstatic addiction in our lives...

I'd love to invite anyone reading this to experience our prayer parties some time! There are so many ways we can participate in this together!

We had a prayer party just the other night, and ,my God, we got to a place where we were reading each others minds! It was super fun. Just hearing God tell us things, and knowing what the other was going to say. This has been happening frequently lately, and obviously it is nothing new. But, it's so fun! Over the years, we've seen so many mystical phenomena during the prayer parties!

Our prayer parties lately are different every time, and pretty chill. Lots of quiet, and then lots of loud, and then lots of quiet again… But, thick with His dew! The group prayer party especially seems to be so thick when each of us have been enjoying God personally beforehand, and when no one is judging anyone else's expression of prayer.

There is so much to describe when it comes to prayer… We’re going to be doing a "Prayer Party School" in our Sunday Union Bliss Bible Studies on Zoom soon… Maybe you’d be intrigued to check that out as well! I'm going back through tons of old prayer books and resources in preparation. I've got a list of fifty books I'm sorting through. I found a four part lecture series that J.B. Torrance did in the 1990s that is rocking me right now!

What has Abba been showing you about prayer these days? 

Any thoughts, resources, or recommendations you'd like to share? 

I'm excited to be among a company of friends that are plunging into the recreational ecstasies of conscious communion in Him! Let’s pray!!!

- Matt

Request; Kombat Kast proposing to their S/O

Some fluffy goodness for everyone to warm their hearts. Before I write some horrific smut that dashes everyone’s hopes I’m off my bullshit. Some pure fluff, tooth rotting fluff actually, you better phone your dentist it’s that sweet. There’s a cut half way down, but not because of smut! Just because these are like a page long each. This is  FUCKING long post. It took me three hours to write, because I had to make four cups of tea as well.  If you want more people adding, please tell me and I can do a Part two; Electric boogaloo.  GIFS are not mine and do not belong to me. 

Kuai Liang/ Sub Zero;

·         He plans it down to the last little detail. He is a perfectionist and likes everything to be organised. He would have a secret binder dedicated to the planning of it. Kept in between his ‘Shit to say to Bi-Han when I see him’ and ‘Ice Puns’ binders.

·         He wants it to be special and perfect and will know exactly what you want. He listens, cares and is attentive. So, he’s going to know you on a pretty intimate level. The only thing he doesn’t want to do, is a massive public proposal, he’s not going to confess his love for you. When half of the Special Forces unit is behind him. He could not cope and it’s too much for him. So intimate and just the two of you. But he will make it dam special.

·         He doesn’t act nervous at all. But he’s dying and struggling on the inside. He’s just good at keeping face and acting like it doesn’t bother him. But he’s nervous on the inside.

·         He’ll be ringing his hands a little beforehand, he’ll be smiling a little more than usual as well. He won’t be giving you any hints however. That’s all a secret he doesn’t want to ruin.

·         He’ll take you outside the Temple, far from prying eyes and anyone who could potentially ruin the moment. All under the guise he wants to go for a walk. He’ll have brought a thermal flask full of tea and a blanket for you in case you get cold. He will let you wear one of his coats, he doesn’t understand why he has them anyway.

·         He’ll bring you to a secluded location, which is atop a Geiser and has a natural hot spring bath. He’ll honestly ask if you fancy taking a swim with him. He’s already preparing to jump in, tits out and prepared for what must be a normal temperature for him. He reassures you it’ll be warm.

·         After you’re both in, he ends up dragging you over to him, letting you sit on his lap whilst he sits on one of the ledges. He’ll be kissing your neck ever so softly. Playing with your hair and whispering in your ear.

·         Don’t expect him to get on one knee because that was never going to happen. He’ll bring up instead how Sareena asked about you joining the Lin Kuei. At first, you’ll be thinking you’ve been dragged all the way here, to talk about you dressing like a ninja, but not being a ninja, but kind of like one. But they aren’t Ninjas. God they aren’t Ninjas, don’t call them Ninjas. They fucking are.  

·         He’ll then go on and on about what he loves about you, your honour, integrity, your kindness, your eyes all of that jazz. He gets really cuddly and his breathing becomes a bit staggered, he starts coughing a little (In game he coughs ice and that’s actually cute as fuck) as his throat dries up.

·         It ends up coming up as; ‘There’s no position for you to join as a member… but there is the position as Wife of the Grandmaster’ God that sounds awful and he cringes internally. He’s just asked you so formally, as if there was a fucking form for you to fill in. It’s sort of sweet and extremely formal. But would It be any other way?

·         If you say yes (Which OFC you will because it’s fucking Sub Zero and he’s precious) he’ll give you his Grandmothers ring. His Grandfather gave it to him. Because he was totally his Grandfathers favourite, because he’s not a little edgy shit lord.

 Kabal;

·         Both pre and post burn, expect something wild, unexpected and totally lush. He puts a fair bit of thought into it. And it will always be personal and the two of you.

·         He’ll have a brainstorming session with Erron and Kano. Which ends with Erron offering to marry you instead of Kabal. He’s not happy with that and frowns like fuck. Kano is of no fucking use at all. He’s not the king of romance. He ends up getting an idea from him though.

·         Kabal hates the cold and loves to be warm. So, he’d aim to propose to you somewhere warm. Will book you plane tickets to go to the Land down Under itself, specifically Tasmania. Thank you, Kano and your accent, (your only redeeming quality) Won’t tell you he got the idea from him.

·         He’ll offer to take you on a hike, ending in some late-night camping and maybe a few drinks.

·         Fun fact about Kabal, for someone who can run really fast and is speed, he is a bit lazy and hates hiking. Walking is boring and its stupidly hot.

·         Papa is out of shape, in this weather and just walking. He want to sprint to the top but he doesn’t want to leave you. He offers to give you a piggyback to the top, but he knows how dizzy and sick it makes you. You cannot throw up now. He’s planned the perfect night.

·         Wishes he’d opted for the other equator, but he’s committed to it now.

·         After you climb to a high place, set up camp and open a few cold ones, he’ll wait till its dark and slowly pray its going to happen.

·         Fuck the Northern Lights, have you ever seen the Southern Lights? Because you sure have. All the purples and pinks blend together, and its amazing to watch as you’re both laid back on a blanket. His arm is around your waist, your head is on his chest and you’re both so amazed.

·         He ends up asking you to grab him another beer. He’s placed the ring around the neck of a bottle (He had no idea what to do with this part) when you turn around he’s just knelt there. “I feel like a bit of a tit now… but…” What he says next will depend on if he’s pre or post burn.

·         Pre-Burn’; Talking about your life together so far. How you put up with his jokes, him leaving his hook swords on the table. How you both have trashy music tastes, how you both sing and scream drunk together and how he loves you. And couldn’t think of any other person he’d want to spend the remainder of his life with. Post-Burn; It’s a lot more intimate and real. He talks about how he knew you’d never leave him after his accident. But how he always feared it happening because he felt like a monster. But you showed him he wasn’t like that and brought him back from the brink. He’ll also go on about how you complete him, and he will never meet another like you.

·         The ring is exactly what you want. He’s been paying attention to what you’ve been looking at, will make sure he buys you jewellery for Christmas or your Birthday, so he has the ring size, style and all that sorted. It’s something that’s personal and intimate. He made sure you’d love it. What a good egg.

Scorpion/ Hanzo Hasashi;

·         The decision to propose to you tore him up a lot. He’d meditate and think about it a lot. Like how could he move on from his wife? In the end Kuai ends up helping him through the emotions. Talking about how the past should be left, he’s been reborn with a new chance in life. And how he’s avenged her, and everything is once more at peace. This eases him… that and he asks for advice, it was a lot simpler the first time he proposed and was very traditional. Sub is lost and just smiles awkwardly. He’s not a wise man when it comes to others personal lives. He barely has control over his own.

·         He ends up opting for what he knows and goes down the traditional route. He ends up wanting to meet your family. If you have a father he’ll totally ask permission, because tradition, if you don’t he’ll ask your mothers. Its traditional and its just the way he would be. He’s not asking their permission for your hand, because you’re your own person, it’s more a sign of respect. And he likes to respect people. He doesn’t want to be pissing anyone off either. He’s trying to maintain and keep peace not cause more drama. He’s had enough of that shit for a lifetime.

·         He’ll plan it down to every little detail. Everything is going to be perfect and exactly like he planned. God help anyone who messes with his plan. Grandmaster Grumpy face will fucking rage. Someone knocked over the vase he carefully placed to add to the aesthetic, they better clean it up before he sees it.

·         He’ll make sure to get you a decent ring. He’ll spend a lifetime trying to pick one out. It has to perfect for you. In the end he opts to get it custom made and he’ll be involved in the process. It’s a little bit more special and personal that way. Gets it engraved with the date he’s planning to propose.

·         The day is just a normal one for you. He’s walking with you and asking if you would fancy a walk in the Fire Garden. Nothing out of the ordinary. Only, other members see him coming and flee the fucking scene. Practising those ninja skills of making themselves scarce quickly and silently. Hanzo is so proud and grateful.

·         You’ll end up stopping on the bridge, overlooking the little stream, all the petals are falling, and everything is looking fucking magical. It’s all going to plan.

·         So why is he nervous? The plan is going off without a hitch, he’s done this before and never struggled. His throat will feel dry, you look so perfect surrounded by all the petals.

·         Will end up monologing about some ancient history of the garden. He’s trying to buy himself time. His fingers are running over the ring in his pocket, because he keeps thinking he’s lost it every five minutes.

·         He ends up taking the plunge, talking about how you’ve had the patience of a saint with him, and how you complete him. How he never thought he could love again or move on but you’ve made him see he was wrong. He’ll talk about how you’ve always discussed the future as if it was far away, when in actual fact, it’s here and now.

·         He would get on one knee and ask you. He’s a sucker for tradition and its all good. Its so sweet and personal and just the two of you.

·         Takeda isn’t hiding in the fucking foliage spying and being a nosy… he 110% is because he made this happen, he set you up and look what’s happening. Maybe now Hanzo will stop riding everyone’s arse and be happy for five minutes… he’s still going to be a grouch and he knows it. But as long as he’s happy with you its all cool.

 Johnny Cage;

·         He’ll either want something extremely flashy, out there and lavish. Or something a bit more private. It’ll depend on what stage of his career he’s in. If he’s still living large, straight after his divorce. Prepare to be hounded by the paparazzi.

·         Would ask you to marry him at one of his movie premiers. In front of everyone. It’s ridiculously OTT, extravagant and just too much.

·         The ring would put a Kardashian rock to fucking shame. It’s too much and way too gawdy and over the top. He’ll make a massive show out of it and make it a big event. LIVESTREAMED everywhere. Live tweeted. You’re like the last to know about it, but not in a good way.

·         If he was to do it when he’s older and more mature, it’ll be a lot less tame but still extravagant.

·         He’d totally ask Cassie for permission. Like making sure she’s fine with him re-marrying. She just wants her dad to be happy and loves you so it’s all good. She wants to be maid of honour and will not settle for flower girl.

·         She helps him plan it, because she knows you well and will totally be trying to calm her dad out. Because she does not want a movie quote to be the proposing line. She’ll make sure it’s chill and to your liking.

·         Fancy dinner, you’ve been pampered the day before, your nails are done, hair is on point and you are decked in some fine clothes.

·         He’ll be reminiscing about some of your old adventures, and just generally making a joke out of most things.

·         He’ll be all chilled and listening to you one minute, and then BAM, he’s like ‘What if you were to become Hollywood royalty… by marrying me?’ He wants to stress that you’ll be marrying him if you say yes.

·         There’s a photographer, a string quartet and everyone is looking at you. All wooing and gushing over how romantic it seems.

·         If you say yes, what fans he does have, will be seething he’s getting married. Take joy in that.

 Raiden; (BOOM some Thunder God. Thirsty Thunder fans, this is for you)

·         Okay. So, he’s a God, basically spent a lifetime on Earthrealm and that gets kind of lonely. I mean he’s got Windy Boy to keep him company, but like, not on an intimate level you both have.

·         He hears about marriage, he knows it’s a custom that both Earthrealm and other realms share, but it’s always intrigued him. Bonding for life seems so sweet to him. Like the majestic Swan, the adorable penguin, and the beaver (That’s a free fact, take it and do what you will with it)

·         Would honestly Consult the Elder Gods to ask for their advice, like if he can marry a mortal, like how would it work? Would you be granted a longer life span, could he prolong it? There’s a lot of kinks to work out in this plan.

·         He loves you a lot. So much so he wants to spend the rest of his life with you… even though he knows that may not be possible. He wants to make sure you’re safe, protected and loved for as long as he can possibly do it.

·         He’s never felt anything like the feelings he feels for you. That’s a sure-fire sign that it’s meant to be.

·         He’ll try and plan a proposal but it’s not really a proposal. It’s more an offer. He’s offering himself to you, so he can be with you for as long as possible. He doesn’t want to ever let you go and wants to make every moment count with you.

·         He’s got to keep his loyalty to the realm, not matter how much he loves you, he has his honour and duty to do. So, he cannot forsake his God-hood and immortality.

·         He will promise to keep trying to find a way to keep you alive, so he can spend the next millennia with you.

·         He would also rather live one lifetime with you than have gone a thousand without ever knowing you.

Erron Black;

·         Man has he lived a long life. He’s been with some crazy women, most of them obsessed with blood too. But he feels its time to settle down, before he lives his last square dance.

·         He can see him marrying you, having a happy family life with you. You get him and get his life, you’ve done nothing but go with the flow and never have complained about his erratic schedule.

·         Kotal promised him rewards for serving him, he’s not asked for much, a roof over his head and some whisky. But now he’s calling in all the favours and cashing in all his fucking chips. Papa wants to get married and have an easier life. He’s getting too old for this shit.

·         Asks for a superb ring, one that’s befitting of his Princess. If there’s none available, Kano owes him a favour. If not, he covered a fair amount of Kabal’s work, so he owes him big time. Either way, you’re getting a fucking nice ring, gods be damned.

·         He doesn’t really plan anything too special, he’s not going to go OTT and scream his eternal love for you from the rooftops.

·         He’ll wait till its just the two of you, drinking in the Dining hall, having a bit of a laugh and a giggle. Playing a bit of a drinking game, Never have I ever, you gotta drink if you’ve never.

·         He’s in love with watching you drink for nearly everything, because you’re a lot more innocent than he is. Not that hard.

·         He finally says, “Never have I ever thought about marryin someone in this room” you’ll actually pause and both drink at the same time. You’ll both laugh, you think he’s taking the piss, before actually pulls the ring out and drops to one knee.

·         Will apologise for not actually doing this properly, asking your father wasn’t going to happen, because you’re your own person and hell naw, he doesn’t give a shit what another man thinks. It’s what you think.

·         The ring is fucking beautiful.

Kotal Kahn;  (I tried searching for more info on Osh Tekk culture but came up with nothing, so here we go, this is my interpretation of Outworld and Osh Tekk marriage proposals)

·         Every good Emperor needs a good Empress to sit by their side. He sees that in you. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be with you.

·         Your proposal would come very quickly. It feels wrong him being with you and not being married. It gives the impression you’re a consort and nothing more. He isn’t like that. You’re a kind person, strong, dedicated and loyal. You deserve the status of his queen and nothing less.

·         He’s going to be traditional with his Osh Tekk culture and he will try and be traditional with yours. He’s not sure what Earthrealmers do, but Erron briefly briefed him on the logistics. He’s pretty sure nobody asks for their fathers’ hands anymore. Kotal is not doing that. You are your own person, he will prove he is worthy of your hand.

·         There’s a big event at the Coliseum. Kotal is actually competing which is a massive surprise. You get to sit in the highest box, best seat, whatever wine you want. He’s actually on top of his fucking game. Making it look easy!

·         He’ll turn to face you and go on about how every Emperor needs an Empress, one to keep him grounded, and one that cares about their people. He thinks the title befits you and would be honoured to take you for his wife.

·         If you agree, he’ll ask if anyone wants to challenge him for your hand in marriage. If anyone thinks he’s not worthy or disagrees with the nuptials. Nobody would fucking dare to, not after that performance earlier.

·         You’re his Queen and you’re treat like a Queen. You have always been his Empress and its time to make it Official.

Snow Mountain

@jonsa-week​ Day 6 Prompts Historical & Remix of ‘Cold Mountain’ by Charles Frazier

Read on ao3 or below.  

(Mentions of wounds and the letter is heavily borrowed from the novel/film.)

***************

The Letter  

 August 1864

 Petersburg, Virginia  

Jon Snow was first aware of the sound of flies buzzing and people murmuring. They seemed eerily similar. His body ached but his leg no longer throbbed incessantly. It had been burning when the old woman had found him in the foothills where he’d stumbled away from the battle in a fog of agony and confusion.

Panic gripped him. He opened his eyes and hurriedly raised the sheet. It was still there. No one had robbed him of a limb while he was unconscious.

As the galloping of his pulse began to slow again, he observed his surroundings. He was not in a hospital tent but a house, a very grand house that was being used to treat the wounded apparently. He was surrounded by beds…and dying men.

He closed his eyes. He did not wish to see anymore just now. He could not escape the smell but he could close his eyes to it all.

After his eyes drifted shut, he dreamed.

He pictured mist hanging over the mountains on an autumn morning. He heard laughter, as lovely as any melody, and saw wisps of red hair escaping from her bonnet.

He smelled Uncle Ned’s pipe and heard the crackling of the logs in the fireplace as she sang a carol and played her mother’s piano, her hair rippling with highlights from the flames on Christmas Eve.

He smelled dew and the first spring wildflowers as she raced ahead of him, inviting him to chase her to their secret spot by the creek. Whispered promises and sweet kisses, the feel of her in his arms as they swore things to one another.

A hand shook his shoulder and the dream receded.

“You’re awake at last, I see,” an older gentleman wearing a blood-splattered apron said. He had a kind face despite the gore but his eyes looked tired. Jon opened his mouth to speak but no sound would come out. “Our patient could use some water, ma’am.”

A lady wearing an apron, though less bloody, over a black silk dress handed him a tin cup. The water was tepid but it soothed the raw desert of his throat.

“I’m Dr. Luwin. This good woman in Mrs. Hornwood and this is her home.”

“It was…it was that,” the lady said absently with her eyes cast towards the floor. “It was once a home.” Her eyes filled with tears and she begged pardon before hurrying away.

“Mrs. Hornwood’s husband and sons have died fighting for the cause,” Dr. Luwin explained.

The cause. Jon could not care less about the cause. He never had. He had only joined up because Robb and nearly every other man and boy from sixteen to sixty in their little corner of Appalachia had been joining, too.

“You have your war,” she’d said, the disdain clear in her voice that Sunday morning when word had reached Snow Mountain.

I never wanted it, he wished he’d said to her now.

Everyone had been in church when Benfred Tallhart had slunk in the back door and whispered the word to his brother who’d passed it along to Theon. Soon the hymn Jon had been singing was forgotten as some of the young men had filtered out to whoop and holler in celebration of the grand adventure that awaited them.

Reverend Chayle had labeled them all young fools as the service had quickly disbanded after that. Uncle Ned hadn’t approved either.

“What do you boys imagine you’ll be fighting for?” he’d asked him and Robb at dinner later. She had been sitting across from him, absorbed in her plate as she had been the entire meal, not looking at him once.

“The South,” Robb had answered with his easy smile.

“Last I checked, south’s just a direction,” his uncle had said.

“Summer soldiers and just as green,” Uncle Benjen had laughed.

“Why’re you so eager to die fighting so some rich man can keep his slave?” 

 “I ain’t fighting for that, Daddy. Wouldn’t bother me none if they was all freed. But we’re fighting Northern Aggression and…”

 “Lord, the things you get in your head, boy.”

Jon had heard enough. Robb had stayed to argue but Jon had made his excuses and tromped away from his elders in anger…and in guilt. He’d hoped she would follow him. She hadn’t. She’d already tried talking sense into him earlier.

 It wouldn’t have mattered. Whether you signed up right away or waited until they called you. Everyone was going. There wasn’t ever a choice really. And I couldn’t have stayed behind and let Robb go without me.

“What’s your name, soldier?” Dr. Luwin asked.

“Snow…Jon Snow,” he said disinterestedly.

“Where you from?”

“North Carolina.”

“So am I,” the doctor said with a smile. “From Raleigh. Where you hail from?”

Jon grimaced and said, “Snow Mountain.”

The doctor chuckled. “Snow Mountain? And you’re Jon Snow?”

He was humored by him sharing his last name with his little hamlet. Jon found no humor in it, the made-up name his mama had claimed was the last name of a husband everyone knew didn’t exist.

“It’s pretty country, I’ll bet. Remote though. How’d you come to…”

Jon turned his head away.

Dr. Luwin frowned at his listlessness. Jon did not care. He could go and heal men who wanted to live. Jon was done with all that. Robb had died in his arms. She hadn’t wanted either of them to go. How could he go home again without Robb? How would he ever explain it to her, to any of them?

Days passed and Jon stayed in his bed. There were bodies carried away and new corpses brought in who just didn’t know they were corpses yet.

He had to work up his courage to inspect his wound more closely, still fearing to see the maggots. They weren’t there anymore. His leg was clean, healing nicely. He wondered how it would feel to put some weight on it. He couldn’t summon the desire to try though.

He remembered the old hill woman humming, clucking at him and chomping on her pipe as he lay on the floor of her shack shivering with chills and burning with fever. She’d said she was part Cherokee and knew healing. Her place had been filled with colorful bottles and smelled funny. She had kept a croaking bullfrog as a pet. She was an oddity for certain.

The iron had been red hot when she’d removed the lead. He’d grit his teeth til he thought they’d break. She’d pinched his arm and told him to scream. He had. Then, she’d made a poultice and laughed when the maggots appeared.

“They eats up the corruption, boy. Old Maggie will save that leg yet,” she’d cackled before he’d fainted.

 I suppose you did.

If he still prayed, he might have said a prayer for her in thanks for saving him. He wondered where she was or how he got here.

Night was creeping upon them and the room grew quiet except for a few random whimpers or moans. A lantern came bobbing towards his cot. The lady in black silk with sad eyes sat it down and touched his face. His whiskers itched in the sticky August heat but her hand was cool.

“Jon Snow?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You have a letter.”

He closed his eyes and told himself it was a mistake. She would not write to him here. How would she know where he was when he wasn’t even sure how he’d ended up here?

“It’s not very recent, I’m afraid,” Mrs. Hornwood said, looking it over. “I can’t make out the signature. I’m sorry. It’s dated from January.”

She’d sent it before the battle, before Robb had died. She’d mailed it not knowing where to send it, only acting on hope and faith that it would find him. Perhaps, it was all they had left.

He found Mrs. Hornwood’s eyes locked on his, awaiting permission to read. He said nothing but nodded to her, uncertain if his heart could bear it but too eager to hear from her to decline.

   My Dear Jon,

 Since you left, time has been measured out in bitter chapters. Last fall, my poor father died. Bran enlisted right beforehand and Uncle Benjen has been missing in action for two years now. Winterfell Farm is abandoned with only Arya, Rickon and I left to work it.

 Every house in these mountains has been touched by tragedy and every day I feel the dread of learning who else has fallen. And no word from you. Are you alive? I pray to God you are.

 This war is lost on the battlefield and is being lost twice over by those that stayed behind. I’m still waiting as I promised I would, but I find myself alone and at the end of my wits, too embarrassed to keep taking from those who can least afford to give. My last thread of courage is to put my faith in you and to believe that I will see you again.

 So, I say to you now, plain as I can, if you are fighting, stop fighting. If you are marching, stop marching. Come back to me. Come back to me is my request.

 Jon’s eyes closed as silent tears of regret and anguish slid down the side of his face. He felt the letter being pressed into his hands. He grasped it tightly to his chest and heard the swish of skirts as she walked away.

“Sansa,” he murmured to the darkened room before deciding his course.

When Dr. Luwin came to check on him the next morning, he would find his bed empty.

ao3

moira o’ deorain does not believe in God.

during the preparation for her confirmation they browse a book of saints, as a class. her teacher lists the common ones for girls and for boys, talks about their meaning and significance. she is told, again, about accepting the holy spirit, how important this step is in life as a follower of Christ. the final initiation into the fold.

“choosing a name is no simple matter,” her teacher says. “reach out to the saint you feel will guide you best, as when you take their name you take their protection into yourself, too. you may pray to them or to God for guidance as you begin your life as a mature member of the church.”

her best friend picks anastasia, laughs about how it reminds her of the singer. moira feels some jealousy at the ease which she plucks it from the book, the way it settles in among her other names. 

nothing has fit for her yet. she prays, and gets no response.

a day before the deadline for choosing she picks st. jude. her friends find it funny, her mother finds it weird, and her teacher doesn’t have the time to talk her out of it. her aunt’s hand on her shoulder during the mass is tighter than it need be. 

she doesn’t remember what her baptism was like, remembers the novelty of her first confession and communion outweighed any holiness a child could feel. here she is old enough to understand, old enough to take to heart the words drilled into her beforehand. she recites her lines perfectly; the bishop stumbles over her name. she feels no holy spirit, no growth nor acceptance, and when she cries and prays to the patron saint of lost causes, he leaves her in the dark.

she lost her faith at twelve years old, she will say. gained faith in science and never looked back. she slowly forgets the apostle’s creed, and the lord’s prayer.

--

moira does quizzes online to find what circle of hell she will be sent to, and keeps getting heresy. she turns off the power to the little red light with a cross in it her father reveres so much. she reads dawkins and hitchens and mocks her friends when they pray along at school. she smugly keeps her mouth shut when the teachers recite the morning prayers, and cuts out the cross stitched into her uniforms. 

she is called into the headmistress’ office when her mother agrees to let her drop religion as a subject, and is asked: “how can someone so young lose their faith?” 

when religion is being taught, she sits apart from the other girls, although she is much too used to that. the teacher mentions humanism, and one of the other girls asks, “is that what moira is?” and they titter. she frowns and corrects them - she is an atheist. the girls don’t even hear her.

she passes a graveyard, and her hands burn.

--

she gets a degree in genetics at trinity college and thinks idly on the irony, if only to herself. her aunt gifts her a rosary for her 21st birthday, and she drops it in a box and leaves it in her childhood wardrobe when she leaves home. she studies medicine and puts her faith in science and observable truth, qualifies as a geneticist and writes increasingly risky papers on gene editing. her experiments become more wild; her peers become more enraged.

when she is cast out of her profession, gabriel reyes welcomes her into his.

“we can help each other,” he says. “not like you have much choice if you want to keep your research.”

she is sceptical. “apparently my research is unethical. i have received condemnation from your organization directly. why would you help me?”

reyes smiles. he wears a chain around his neck with a small silver cross and he gives up drinking for lent. “I don’t work for overwatch.”

--

moira doesn’t get on well with angela in the lab, but finds her fascinating outside of it. there is a divide between them she revels in, likes it when angela seems annoyed when moira flirts with her. likes it even more when it works and they find themselves in a closet somewhere on the swiss base, before a mission, hurriedly redressing to make it back to their stations in time.

angela never mentions faith, but she does mention God a lot in those closets.

when moira rests over her experiments, the way she folds her hands is like a prayer. when someone in angela’s care dies, and she hears, moira finds herself making the sign of the cross more often than she cares to admit.

there is some level of blasphemy to what she does. she tests on anyone willing, animals, herself. always so close to the secret of creation, but she settles for changing what she can. she changes bodies as she sees fit, allows them to become what they want instead of what God designed. when reyes asks her to make him a better soldier, she obliges and works tirelessly to give him a body he can mould for himself.

it fails, of course, as she is not divine. her creations are as flawed as she is, and God judges her unworthy. as overwatch breaks down, so does reyes.

she takes communion at his funeral, and flees switzerland for talon.

--

reaper keeps her at arms length, only ever approaching her when ordered to by doomfist. she, in turn, can only stabilize him, knowing there is no cure for her arrogance. she is nearly fifty and she takes an online quiz and gets sent to the seventh circle for violence against God.

when her mother dies, she gets the rosary in the mail. she keeps it in the bottom drawer of her desk in oasis, and it burns a hole there, asking her why she no longer prays to God for help. she uses jude as an alias when she needs to. there is a heaviness to it.

sometimes she will go home, back to dublin, and go to the church where her family used to pray, where she stood for communion and confirmation and where she lost her faith. the people will chat to her kindly, ask after her family and friends without truly knowing who she has become. 

moira does not believe in God. but she carries with her the time that she did.

Dom!John has quite the reputation of being scarily perceptive; He knows his sub's kinks and limits even before they do and is able to do so real quick. His steady control through out sessions feels so safe and satisfying no wonder subs and switches are always eager to flock to him in clubs. Brian has no idea what John sees in him that would made him choose him as his sub and since then there has been no one else; What if John realize one day that Brian's not good enough and decides to leave him?

This is Kinky so the story will be under the cut for those of you who feel uncomfy about things like this. 

Brian knows that he is not the kinkiest of Subs, in fact, he can be the most vanilla of people when he is not in the right headspace, and even when he is the most submissive of headspaces, the worst thing they have ever done in the bedroom was using a paddle. He had hated it so much that John had stopped before Brian had even been able to safe word. 

The real problem, however, is that he knows John like nobody else in the world, and knows that that wasn’t even close to what John liked to do. It was pretty dull, by all standards, and as time went by, he started to feel that maybe, just maybe, he was never going to be enough for the younger man. He knew he had stopped frequenting clubs, and had even told Brian that he wanted to be exclusive, which at the time sent Brian’s heart into a frenzy and left him happy for about a week. But now that almost five months had passed since the last time John had really been able to let go, and Brian was close to breaking. 

It was only after he had seen John chucking away some of his clamps and cages that he decided enough was enough. He had to do something before he lost the most important thing in his life. He didn’t want to have to see John leave him alone, not when he knows exactly what he can do to satisfy John.

He preps himself beforehand, grabbing the clamps from the box in which John had stuffed them, shaved every single inch of his body, made sure to stuff himself full of the biggest Plug John owned, put a cock ring around his member and tried not to burst into tears because of the situation. 

He laid every paddle, whip and flog on the bed, and kneeled on the floor, waiting for his boyfriend to come back from grocery shopping. He felt the telltale fog of a sub drop settle on his mind and tried to swallow the uncomfortable sensation down. He couldn’t disappoint his Dom, not when he had been so bad for such a long time, even if he hated what he was doing with a burning passion. 

After what seemed like hours, he heard the door open, and John call out his name. He didn’t answer, just lowered his head and tried to bite back a whimper. 

“Bri? Baby Boy? Are you home?” 

There was the sound of footfalls, and then the door to their bedroom opened. For a few seconds, there was total silence, and then John was all over him, his hands fluttering nervously, not knowing what to do with himself. He first undid the clasps, then eased out the plug, and finally released him from the cock ring. All the while, Brian was shaking and crying, trying to beg for John’s forgiveness. Trying to stop him from taking off the toys, and get him to enjoy himself. 

In the end, John wrapped a blanket over his shoulders and pulled him close, trying to get him to calm down. He buried his nose into the crook of John’s neck and tried to calm himself. He didn’t notice when he fell asleep, just that when he did, John made sure to tuck him in bed and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

*

Brian woke up the next morning, and he was still shaking slightly. There was a hole in his chest and a tears stains in his cheeks, but the thing that has him the most worried are the hands playing with his hair. He doesn’t deserve them. 

“Why are you still here?” Brian’s voice is hoarse and broken, he can’t help but flinch.

John’s hands hesitate, “What do you mean by that, Bri?” 

“I mean,” he shifts so that he is looking up at John with wide eyes, “you can have any Sub in the world, yet you chose me. I can’t handle half of the things that you like to do and the ones I can handle we can’t do all the time. I have to be the worst sub in existence.” 

John shifted, leaning down so that he was laying on the bed next to Brian. Their noses were brushing, breaths mixing in the small space, and Brian couldn’t help but pray to every god above that this would never end. John leaned closer, bumping their noses together, “Are we sure that we are talking about the same sub?” 

“John—“ 

“No, baby, I’m serious. That doesn’t sound like my sub at all.” He joins their foreheads together, “My sub is— lord, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so perfect. He is soft, and sweet, but can also be super stubborn when he wants to be. He never demands anything from me that I’m not comfortable with, even if there are some things he likes that I don’t. 

“He likes to dress up in the prettiest of lingerie and follows all of my instructions without hesitation. He trusts me, and I trust him, and he has made me realise that I love him so much that I would give up everything for him. If he asked me right now to give up the scene and only have missionary sex for the rest of my life, I would not hesitate in the slightest to do it.” 

“I would never ask you to do that.” 

John smiled, “I know. But I just wanted to make sure that you realise that this, the dom-slash-sub relationship, and the fact that you are not nearly as kinky as me will not lessen my love for you. I would never leave you because of that. I’d do anything for you. I’d give up sex if it meant keeping you.  And I would much rather have you being you and enjoying the things you do than trying to please me like you did last night.” 

“I’m sorry, sir.” 

John cupped Brian’s face, it felt weird from the angle in which the younger man was lying in, but he still leaned into the touch of his Dom, “It’s alright, just promise me never to do that again. What you give me is perfect, it’s more than enough.” 

They ended up curled around each other, warmth and comfort sleeping into their bones as they enjoyed each other’s company for the day.

TVD / TO 🥀 A Feeling That Can’t Be Explained 🥀

Show / Film - The Vampire Diaries / The Originals

Pairing - Kol x Female Reader

Warnings - Smut

A/N - sorry if this is crappy, or if there is spelling errors / wrong names. Also, if the massive gaps and spaces appear, I’m sorry, I don’t know why it’s doing that but probably because I’m doing it on my phone xo

"I don't know" she mentioned as she rubbed her stomach humorously "he just makes my stomach feel weird".

"I think someone has a crush" Elena laughed at her in a mocking tone.

"I think its just his cologne" a voice breathed from behind them both.

Elouise turned around, slightly startled by the mans voice and her heart instantly skipped a beat. He was one of the most handsome men she had ever witnessed and he was stood right before her, his dark brown eyes stared directly into her soul. The tall man smirked a slightly crooked smile but he was already ridiculously charming, he grabbed Elouises hand and raised it to his face; he pressed his soft lips against the back of her hand and introduced himself.

***

4 months later: The present day

"Elouise, love, please try to stay awake when I'm torturing you. It's not as fun when you pass out" an all too familiar voices echoed through the seemingly empty room "I only need to keep you here a little longer, they'll give up soon."

"Go to hell" her voice trembled as she spoke, her throat dry and scratchy - most likely from all the screaming and crying she had been doing.

Elouise was pretty strong for a human and could withstand a lot of things, an angry Hybrid not being one of those things. She rose her head up and her eyes fluttered open, her vision blurred and taking a short time to adjust before the man became clear. There he was, Klaus Mikaelson. That son of a bitch. A few weeks beforehand Klaus had took Elouise in an attempt to get the Salvatores' to give him something and even though she knew nothing, he kept her there with him as a form of leverage over the two brothers . The girl only knew that they were trying to come up with a plan to kill, or at least immobilise the hybrid, but to no avail; Klaus had took all vervain from her so he could compel her to tell him anything he wanted yet it still didn't work, she truly knew nothing. The original always became angry when he didn't get what he wanted but she was warned of this from the beginning, Elouise always told the Salvatores' and others not to tell her anything and make sure she wasn't around in case something like this ever occurred, they always expected her to be a target as she was one of the most vulnerable in the group. When she come to think of it, Klaus had gone pretty easy on her, it wasn't as bad as she truly predicted but that wasn't to say it wouldn't change.

"What do you want, Klaus? You know by now I have nothing to tell you, I'm no use to you just let me go, please, I beg you" the girl pleaded as she tugged on the ropes that bound her hands to the chair "why are you this obsessed with power?"

His lips curled into an evil smirk, his face suddenly in front of hers "this my love, is a sign of dominance, a show of true power and how easy it is for me to rip their friends away from them....no hard feelings to you or anything". His hand skimmed across her tear stained skin as he rubbed her arms, eventually deciding to cut the ropes that held her still. Niklaus placed a finger under Elousies chin and made her look directly into his blue-green eyes "I'm going to leave for a little while, you will be left alone for the mean time. You will stay in this place and will not leave, you will make no phone calls or attempt to contact anyone at all, do I make myself clear?" she could do nothing but blink and nod at him. Compulsion was truly a bitch.

Klaus left the building and she followed him across the street with her eyes, envious of him being out in the fresh air while she was trapped in a dingy apartment. Elouise put some music on and danced as she raided the cupboards in search of some booze, in time she came across a half drank bottle of bourbon, it wasn't her favourite drink but it was better than nothing at all. Hours passed and there was nothing but the sound of her own breathing and the traffic, even music could no longer cure her boredom. The voices in the hall caught her attention and her head snapped up, she couldn't exactly make out who it was until there was a few quiet knocks at the door and it was pushed open, at first she hid around the door frame of the bedroom.

"Eloise.....pppssst...Elouise!" a rough voice called through the room "get your arse out here and make it quick". Her feet instantly took her towards the main door "Damon! Oh my lord, you have no idea how happy I am to see you stupid fa- who's she?" Damon rolled his eyes "I don't know". He grabbed the woman by the shoulders and looked into her eyes, compelling her to forget everything and leave immediately and she did just that. There was a momentary silence as the two looked at each other "I brought you a present, Eloise, I think you'll appreciate it" he rummaged in his jean pocket and pulled out a small ring, her eyes widened instantly realising what it was "is that my vervain ring?"

"Yes...a toe ring...really?" the older Salvatore brother frowned "I guess it is smart, always hidden". He threw it towards her from outside the apartment before turning around to leave "put it on and be careful, don't let him know you have it or it might not end well for any of us. Just remember, I was never here" and with that he was gone.

She shut the door, her heart sinking slightly. It hurt knowing she couldn't leave but he could and it looked like he didn't really care about that but then again he wouldn't of tried to help if he didn't care. The toe ring slipped on and Elouise quickly put her sock back on, she knew it was a dangerous game to play and especially to try and lie to an original, of all people. Her lying skills were good but when Klaus could hear her heartbeat if he wanted it made her anxious. The darkness danced across the sky making the young woman realise how late it must be getting, she couldn't help but wonder what Klaus was up to all this time. Not five minutes after her wondering the Hybrid walked through the door with a frown, his eyes scanning the room and he looked her up and down immediately "have a nice day, love?" she turned away and grabbed the bottle of alcohol, promptly taking a drink "to your pleasure, no I didn't, I've been bored out of my mind, not that you care". Elouise scurried of to the bedroom she slept in in an attempt to avoid Klaus as much as possible, which of course made him suspicious "come here, now" her breath hitched at his words, she stopped and closed her eyes wishing that is was all a dream but she wasn't so lucky. "Do not make me repeat myself" his tone grew impatient which made her instantaneously turn on her heels and walk towards him, she stopped in front of him and looked directly at his face which prompted him to walk up close until he was toe to toe with her. "Did anyone come here today?" she shook her head in response to his question, his eyes searched hers curiously "you wouldn't happen to have found vervain, would you?" again she shook her head. The lack of response only angered him more "fine, the take this knife and stab yourself in the gut" he took the bottle of alcohol from the girls hand and replaced it with a knife, her eyes darted up and down the blade as she gripped it tightly and looked up towards Niklaus who was sipping at the bourbon that he had poured into a glass.

'Don't let him know you have it or it might not end well for any of us' Damon's words replayed in her mind over and over again, he was right, if she was to pull this off she was going to have to do everything that he asked of her otherwise he would kill her and the rest of the gang, especially Damon. She gripped on the blade until her knuckles turned white and raised it above her head, she could feel her heart in her throat but if she waited any longer to do it Klaus would know. A white hot pain shot through her lower torso and she pierced her abdomen, blood instantly pooling outwards across her shirt. Elouises face went pale, the colour quickly drained from her face as tears formed; no scream would come from her throat, it felt like it had closed up completely as she dropped to her knees and let go of the blade. Niklaus walked over to the crippled human "pass me the blade" but she couldn't, her body would not obey his command - it was like her body and brain had become disconnected, she was paralysed with pain which clearly pleased the sadistic side of Klaus. Instead, he reached down and slowly pulled the knife from her wound and slid it along his tongue as if to inspect her blood to see if there was a trace of vervain in her system, his eyes widened ever so slightly as he tasted her blood was clean, thankfully he dropped the blade and nodded in satisfaction. "Come here, love" she glimpsed up slightly as she heard his teeth break the skin on his palm "heal yourself" without a second thought she grabbed his hand and drank the blood that gathered on his hand, she almost felt thankful to him for saving her even though he was the one that technically did this to her. Elouise hated the hold he had over everyone, including her, how he would always try and act like he was some type of hero and saviour even though every time it was his fault that they ended up hurt or scared. However, none of that mattered because she was in the safe for now and she prayed that soon she could somehow escape so she didn't have to find out what would happen if the original hybrid found out she had somehow managed to deceive him.

—————————————————

The next morning arrived quickly, rudely awakening Elouise as the sun shone brightly through a gap in the curtains, a slight groan escaped her throat as she rolled on to her back and rubbed her stomach where there was a dull ache. It instantaneously reminded her of the events that had transpired just a few hours earlier, her eyes forced themselves open as she swung her legs from the bed in preparation of taking a shower. The apartment was eerily quiet which sparked her curiosity, she slowly made her way out into the main room of the flat which was empty to her surprise, her eye caught a note on the counter near a pot of coffee.

Elouise, love, I will return in a few hours and I expect you to be there and be alone as usual. I may just have a surprise for you.

A surprise? Her heart skipped a few beats, normally that would excite her but when it was a power crazy psychopath saying it she knew it probably wasn't a surprise she wanted anything to do with. Regardless, she was going to take advantage of the empty place and take a nice, long shower; she stripped in her room and threw the blood stained shirt into the bin near the bed "why is it always my favourite shirts that get ruined?".

The hot water streamed down on to her face and with much pleasure she squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her hands down her face. No matter how bad a day had been a shower could always fix it somehow, it was like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders and she could temporarily relax and enjoy the peace and quiet that would most likely be interrupted by Klaus coming back soon.  After almost half an hour she got out and almost immediately she missed the warm water on her skin, her hand reached for the biggest towel she could find in the place and it was still dangerously short, barely managing to cover everything that should be covered, it was clear that only a guy had been living here seem as there wasn't a towel that would comfortably fit more than just the bottom half of a body. Elouise looked at her reflection in the mirror and brushed her wet hair out of her face as she grabbed another towel and began ruffling it through her hair to dry it off a bit, her face looked drained and her eyes had bags under them, it was obvious that she was beyond worn out but she was just happy to still be breathing. A long exhale left her lungs as she walked out into the bedroom, her eyes covered as she continued towel drying her hair, only after a moment she moved it and a loud yelp left her throat as she stumbled back and slammed up against a wall, gripping the top of her towel that was daring to expose her body.

"Kol...w-what are you doing here?" her heartbeat became unsteady as she looked at the original vampire

***

4 months ago:

The guy smirked a slightly crooked smile but he was already ridiculously charming, he grabbed Elouises hand and raised it to his face; he pressed his soft lips against the back of her hand and introduced himself.

"Kol Mikaelson, pleasure to meet you" she instantly felt a heat creep across her cheeks as her eyes met with his yet again "E-Elouise Martins, it's a pleasure" her voice shook as he stood back up straight, his hand lingering on hers before he dropped it. "May I say you look very pleasing to the eye this evening, Miss Martins" her cheeks turned a deeper shade of red as she looked down, kicking at the floor with her heel "not as hot as you" she muttered under her breath, not knowing he was a vampire and heard what she said as clear as day. A quiet chuckle left his mouth as he held out his hand "may I have this dance, m'lady?" Elouise graciously accepted his invitation as she took his hand and was rushed off to the floor where everyone was dancing. Little to her knowledge she would end up seeing a lot more of the younger Mikaelson in the next few months to come.

***

Present day:

Elouise quickly grabbed a pair of shorts and a vest top and ran into the bathroom to avoid Kol's eyes examining anymore of her exposed body. Her face flushed as she hastily got ready before realising she wasn't wearing socks and if he were to see her toe ring he would most likely grow suspicious just like his hybrid sibling would. Her head remained turned away from him as he was sat on the bed as she casually went into her drawer and put on some fluffy bed socks, her paranoia getting the better of her as Kol had no idea about the ring or anything else, his eyes roamed over her body and he wasn't focused on much else. "Elouise, sit down, please" Kol tapped the bed besides him so she obeyed his request and awkwardly sat beside him. Her head felt fuzzy and she didn't know how to act around him now, they weren't particularly close but they did get on however, now that Klaus had kidnapped her and held her against her will for a few weeks she began to grow cautious of the Mikaelson family and decided it was probably for the better not to trust them. "Please look at me" her head raised and their gaze instantly connected and her stomach turned, but not in a bad way, it was like when they had first met and her stomach filled with butterflies and her cheeks warmed up with a rose hue. "After I leave this room you will forget that I came here and forget everything I did and said, but for now I need you to sit still and be quiet, I'll make this quick" her mind ran wild and it was obvious he currently believed that he was compelling her so she went along with it to not blow her own secret. Kol leaned in slightly closer to her and cupped her cheek lightly, tracing her cheekbone with his thumb "I have feelings for you, Elouise. Strong feelings. I don't know how to explain them because it's something I have never experienced before but I can only believe it to be love" he stared straight into her eyes as he spoke, not once looking away from her "I know you probably won't feel the same way, after all most people think I'm a monster just as they believe the same about all of my family....but I do, I really do love you, Elouise" he rested his hand on the back of her neck and quickly pulled her forwards towards him, their lips hitting off one another lightly but she had no time to respond before he was gone, just like that as if he was never there. Her entire body went numb and she didn't know whether it was from shock, happiness, confusion or something else entirely but all she knew was that she definitely wouldn't be forgetting it as he thought she would.

Hours later Klaus came back with a very noticeable stench of alcohol on him but he wasn't drunk, not yet anyway. Elouise walked into the living area in proper clothes and frowned at him as he threw himself back on to the couch before looking into her eyes "you may leave, go home now" without a second of hesitation she ran to the door, swinging it open and running down the hall without shutting the door behind her. Her eyes filled with tears and her chest filled with happiness as she ran from the building and ran towards Mystic Falls as if her entire life depended on getting there as fast as she humanly could.

***

1 month later:

"Yes, I'll be fine" Elouise chuckled down the phone to her parents who had headed out of town for a few weeks for work "I have my friends to look after me, don't worry, I love you and have fun".

She brushed her hand through her messy hair and pulled it up into a loose ponytail before heading up the stairs to her bedroom, she screamed and slammed into the door frame as she stared at Kol who was stood in her room and looking through one of her photo albums as if there was nothing wrong with him being there.

"What the-? How the-? How did you even get it my house! I've never invited you in!"

"Well, when you were out of town there was no one to spike your parents coffee with vervain so when it was out of their system I compelled them to invite me in then I made them forget, quite simple really and genius" he threw the album on to a soft chair before looking up "it's quite a nice room you have here, although I must admit it isn't what I pictured it to be" he stepped around her after pulling her into the room slightly and he shut the door, locking it without her noticing.

"Kol list-" her sentence was cut short as his lips slammed into hers hungrily, he knew by this time she was wearing vervain so he didn't even attempt to compel her.

Just as he began to pull away Elouise kissed back lightly, catching the vampire off guard, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back passionately. The kissed lasted until they both pulled away, breathless and he rested his forehead against hers

"you kissed me back?" his face plastered with shock and confusion but his eyes gleamed with happiness.

"I did but that's all" she pulled back and turned which made him use his vampire speed to move in front of her

"No, that isn't it, please" he kissed her again and she granted him with the same but she kept moving backwards away from him before she was pressed against the door.

"I can't do this! You're a vampire and I'm a human, this isn't a damn Twilight movie plus you're like a thousand years old, my God you're like ancient and....a-and" she stumbled over her own words as she spoke so fast, trying to come up with any excuse not to throw herself at him in that very moment.

"It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than you're trying to convince me of this being wrong, Elouise. Just do what your heart wants, there is no harm in that. No one has to know but us" his words rang through her head and she knew he was right but it was everything she was against.

She always said she wouldn't get involved with vampires if they did really exist and this was when she thought they were just a scary bedtime story to scare children but then she met Kol and his friends and that all changed but she always stuck by the fact she would never date, kiss or sleep with one of them. Elouise said that she would stick to humans and not get involved in the supernatural drama but no matter how hard she tried to avoid it she always got caught in the middle of it.

Kol moved towards her and grabbed either side of her face before kissing her again lightly, she tried to not respond but it was like her body had a mind of its own, her hands once again snaked around his neck and her lips moved with his, their kiss full of passion and lust. Her body ached for him like nothing else, her mind was clouded with nothing but him, all she could taste, smell and see was Kol and she loved every second of it, she knew this was exactly what she had wanted since she first laid eyes on him. Kol picked Elouise up as she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and weaved her hands through his hair, they left each other breathless and he rushed over to the bed, before he placed her down and leaned his body over her smaller frame.

"Are you sure?" he questioned as he left quick, sloppy kisses down her neck

"I'm sure" she responded in a quick moan as she bit her own lip.

He stood and pulled his top over his head and threw it to the side before lifting hers slowly over her head and admiring her bare chest, his large hands moved over her breasts as he kissed down her neck and moved his mouth to one of her nipples, licking circles around it before sucking on it roughly. A small gasp left Elouises mouth as she pulled on his hair, he moved his head over to the other side of her chest and repeated the same action, using his thumb and forefinger to pinch at the nipple he had just abandoned. After a few seconds he moved his head back, releasing her breast from his mouth with a slight popping sound, he kissed straight down the middle of her torso and tugged on the waistband of her pyjama shorts. Kol lifted his gaze and she nodded to consent as he slowly pulled her shorts and underwear down to her ankles, letting them slip off and bundle on the floor, he stepped back and looked up and down her body while biting his lip which made her blush

"You're absolutely stunning, Elouise" he rubbed the inside of her thighs as he pulled her closer to the edge of the bed, he kissed and tenderly bit at her skin before running his tongue lightly across her folds making her flinch subtly.

"Please don't tease me, Kol" she whimpered quietly which made him let out an evil little chuckle. He pressed his tongue into her roughly, licking from her core right up to her clit, repeating this a few times slowly before moving his tongue faster directly over her clit. Elouises back arched off the bed as she tried to push away from him which only made him grab onto her waist tightly and pull her into his face, his tongue moved in quick circles and he hummed as he pulled away

"You taste even better than I could have ever imagined, darling" his head moved back down between her legs and he nipped and sucked at her clit, he moved his tongue down to her entrance and pushed it inside of her a few times.

Her legs shook and squeezed shut slightly against his head. His tongue roamed back up towards her clit, flicking over it quickly and lightly, he moved it in circles and up and down, before sucking and pulling on her again. Just as she was about to have her first orgasm of the night he pulled away from her and he kissed back up her chest and rubbed his fingers against the wetness between her legs. Her hands pulled his face down as she locked lips with him eagerly, he quickly pushed two fingers into her core and began pumping them and curling them in her, making her yelp into his mouth which only caused his hand to move faster. He pushed the palm of his hand against her sensitive clit as his fingers found her g-spot, she moaned loudly and moved her body into his hand, craving much more than just his hand

"K-Kol, please" she hummed "fuck me already".

His fingers twirled inside of her which made her even wetter, he pulled his fingers out before slowly pushing them back and repeating. His palm continued rubbing up against her throbbing crotch which pushed her over the edge when mixed with the sensation of his fingers constantly hitting her g-spot over and over. He stopped after she came all over his fingers, he smirked and sucked on then, running his tongue along them to make sure he cleaned every last drop of her off of him. He smiled as he undid his belt and threw it to the floor, he quickly slipped out of his trousers and underwear to reveal his already hard dick, Elouise leant forwards and palmed it causing Kol to let out a deep growl, she moved her hand up and down teasing him as she flicked her tongue across the tip.

She moved her tongue down to the base and back up before taking as much as she could of him into her mouth, one of her hands worked its way down to his balls, massaging and squeezing them lightly as her head bobbed up and down and the other hand moved around the base of his dick. Kol grabbed a handful of her hair as he pushed her head, forcing her to take in more of him, he closed his eyes and groaned as her head moved faster. She twirled her tongue around him, as her hand moved in the same motion as her mouth, she moved her mouth down and played with his balls as she continued to rub him, making him tug on her hair even more. She teased her tongue around his shaft, and licking the full length of him before flicking her tongue across his tip yet again, making sure to get the pre-cum that began to leak from him. The vampire pulled away and threw Elouise on to the bed, quickly lining himself up with her entrance and slamming himself inside of her with no warning and thrusting hard and fast, she scraped her nails down his back and they locked lips, kissing quickly and sloppily, her moans being muffled by his tongue that explored every inch of her mouth. He pulled his mouth away

"you feel fucking amazing around me" Kol panted as he put one of her legs over his shoulder so he could get as deep as he could, she moaned louder and she was sure anyone walking by would hear them but she didn't care, she was in pure ecstasy as he made her his "you're so damn tight".

He pounded into her with a bruising pace, her breasts bouncing up and down as he watched, Elouise saw him staring so she grabbed on her breasts, pulling and pinching at her nipples to make them harder, she massaged them and squeezed them as he smirked. He grabbed her waist, pulling her into him with every thrust as her hand trailed down to her clit and rubbed rough circles, she threw her head back and moaned loudly. She had never felt pleasure this good, he filled her perfectly and made sure his thrusts hit her just right. He let his fingers intertwine with her free hand,

"Kol" she moaned loudly and looked at him

"I know, I am too" he grunted back as he matched his thrusts with her playing with herself, he could barely contain himself as he watched her please herself.

His thrusts become sloppy and uneven, she tightened around him as her back arched up off the bed and her nails clawed down his back "fuck, Kol!" he helped ride out her orgasm as she screamed his name and spilled herself all over him.

He quickly joined her, climaxing inside of her, he thrusted a few more times to finish them both off before collapsing on top of her. They both stayed quiet for a few moments as they caught their breath, getting comfortable in the bed as Kol pulled Elouises head on to his chest

"well, that was fun and unexpected" she whispered and he rubbed her back in reply

"I love you, Elouise Martins"

"And I love you too".

Daring to Dream: The Only Thing I Ever Wanted

What do you want to be when you grow up? “A single mom survivor of domestic abuse,” said no little girl ever. One of the reasons I stayed in my abusive marriage so long is because I’m a dreamer.  I had a huge dream that involved love, laughter, and life built around a family of faith.  A man after God’s own heart who would build a family with me.  I would love him and he would love me and we would love our children.  Whatever we did, our lives would be guided by our faith in the Lord.  There would be years of joy and love and more dreaming along the way. I was naive, not that I could ever have that dream, but that it would be with the first man who said he wanted to be with me.  Just because a man pursues a relationship with you does not mean it is healthy.  

I was naive.  I didn’t understand how devastating a pornography addiction could be to a marriage.  We were still dating the first time I walked in on him masturbating at the computer.  He told me it was only because my very presence aroused him so much that he had to help himself.  I actually felt guilt.  I was naive when I saw how badly he treated his mother, yelling and criticizing her, calling her stupid.  I didn’t understand that it was more than an isolated damaged relationship.  Over the years, I would often recall the first time I saw him verbally tear down his mother as he would tear me down in a similar way.  I was naive when I visited his family home and overheard his father berating his mother and dismissed the thought that the man who said he loved me could ever sound as hateful as his father did.  I was naive to not see how he drank himself into a stupor when something depressing happened in his life, naive to think that this wouldn’t continue into our marriage.   I was naive to think I could love him out of his addiction, depression, anger, and destructive behaviors.  That him simply saying he didn’t want to be like his abusive father meant that he wouldn’t simply because he knew what it was like. 

Habits die hard. I’ve heard it takes thirty days of consistency to start a new behavior pattern or break an old one.  Changing behavior can be very difficult even when you genuinely want to change.  How many of your new year’s resolutions ever make it past January?  Have you ever tried to support someone through their new year’s resolution?  Did those make it to February any easier?  Have you ever assumed that someone in jogging clothes must be a well-seasoned runner, disciplined and making progress? 

Expecting an abusive, controlling person to change because you love them unconditionally is like expecting someone to lose weight because you bought them a pair of jogging shorts. I figuratively bankrupted myself buying him an entire jogging wardrobe.  He was like one of those people who take selfies of their apparent workout, but they’re not sweating and their water bottle hasn’t been opened.  Any time he put on the clothes of loving, Christian husband and father, it was for show.  Just like any well photographed social media post, he made sure the rest of the world saw his best imitation of someone running the Christian race, and could be overly doting to the kids and I in church, gaining ‘likes’ along the way.

Seeing the truth of the masquerade was painful, but it was sometimes less painful to believe the delusion, to hope his latest performance meant he was finally becoming the man he had the potential to be.  So I lied. He has to work over the holidays [on his hobbies].   We can’t come for Christmas [because I’m afraid if I ask again, he’ll get worse]. He just has had a long day; he’s not normally so rude [usually, he’s worse]. He’s a good father [in his own mind]; but he just doesn’t like the baby stage [or any other stage that might inconvenience him]. Yes, the kids love to play with him [until he loses his temper]. I lied to church members.  I lied to my family.  I lied to my own children.  I thought I was building him up like wives in a healthy marriage should, but really I was covering up his sin and enabling him to be abusive by not standing against the abuse sooner.  Abuse is like cancer.  Left untreated, it grows and festers until there are more cancerous cells than healthy cells.  Symptoms are similar.  Chronic fatigue, pain, your normal activities are replaced by the demands of the cancer.  It ends up controlling your life.  At some point, family and friends become concerned.  But when they ask how you’re doing, you lie.  The cancer isn’t that bad.  I can live with this cancer.  I’m confident this cancer won’t kill me.  You think I have cancer?  I couldn’t possibly.  

Eventually something else happens that shakes your world and you decide to get an expert opinion.  Turns out, it is indeed cancer and the only option is surgery.  Getting the cancer out requires a severe no tolerance policy.  Surgery leaves deep, painful scars that can take a long time to heal, especially if you aren’t intentional to let yourself heal.  You still remember the cancer.  It’s impossible to forget.  There’s always a lingering fear it will return to claim your life one day.

But you can’t live your life in fear of the cancer returning and have any kind of quality life.  I had to make a choice.  Do I focus on preventing a reoccurrence of the cancer to the point where I think about nothing else and those thoughts consume my life?  Or do I bravely walk into my new cancer-free life, daring to dream again?  For me, not dreaming is a sign I’m not trusting God to make my life beautiful.  I know his best for me wasn’t abuse.  God is a God who blesses with abundance and I know only he has the power to restore the years taken, years I know I missed opportunities to serve, years I missed the opportunity to be the mom my kids need, one who makes decisions based on God’s will, not the abuser’s will.

I am ready to truly live.  God created me for a purpose.  “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10).  I’m walking into that new life day by day.  I can’t live in regret of not stepping out sooner or in fear of stepping out at all.  I simply must take a step, like a toddler learning to walk.  There are days I feel like an absolute failure.  There are days I’m still filled with intense fear.  Those days are fewer and further between.  Replacing them are the days filled with a deeper purpose.  Praying before making a decision and being able to have peace, knowing it’s of God.

I am ready to dream again.  If and when God chooses to send a man into my life who will love me and my children as his own, I will cherish him.  Not from any selfish motive to fulfill my dream of love, life and laughter, but rather, I know he would be sent straight from God.  I’ll know it’s him when the same peace I have in choosing God’s will for my life is the answer to my prayers asking for confirmation.  There would also be no other way to explain a man with enough love for me and my children, who would accept us for who we are in spite of the trauma we’ve endured.  

Only God knows if and when he will fulfill that particular dream, but God has stirred up more dreams in my heart and I am thankful for those as they develop.  A dream to advocate for survivors.  A dream to live free for my children and me.  A dream to write, to let God use my voice to help someone else.  I no longer dream naively.  My dreams are founded in a secure hope that rests in the Lord, that if I allow him to lead me, I will walk confidently into my future filled with the good plans he’s prepared for me and the good dreams he will gift me as a blessing. 

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

I dare to dream.

https://1sagesparrow.wordpress.com/2019/10/21/daring-to-dream-the-only-thing-i-ever-wanted/

With the Morning Light (Matt/Elektra; T)

Ships: Matt/Elektra

Summary: Set during the flashbacks of Daredevil 2x05. The morning after their first time, Elektra wakes to find Matthew greeting the morning with prayer.

A/N: Okay! So I have spent the last few months getting into the Marvel Netflix verse and honestly it's been such a ride. Daredevil was the first show I watched after my friend nagged me for ages, lol, and I am now super invested in MattElektra. I didn't think I'd be writing something so soon, but here we are :)

Thanks to Ell/@violetsforgirls for reading this over for me and giving much-needed suggestions. You’re a star!

Read at AO3

Elektra had always been a light sleeper.

She remembered Stick telling her that was a good thing, actually laughing gruffly when she'd woken to the sounds of his footsteps and had pressed a blade against his throat. Where most people would have been affronted, Stick was proud, impressed, even.

(Elektra would never admit it to anyone, not even herself, but she needed his approval. At least, every now and then she did.)

It was that kind of base instinct, he had said, that made her ideal for the Chaste. She'd scoffed at the time when she heard the name, telling him she thought it sounded like some kind of cult of celibacy.

“Ellie, I don't give a shit who you decide to sleep with. For once I agree with you. It's a stupid name. Almost as stupid as the Hand. But that doesn't change the fact that we have to defeat them. Just get the job done and we're good.”

And they had been. Elektra was efficient in her missions, in a way that made her stand head and shoulders above the rest of the Chaste's members.

But then Stick assigned her Matthew Murdock.

From the outset she knew it wasn't her typical mission, because Stick hadn't ordered her to kill anyone. And sure, Stick hadn't said outright that Elektra had to sleep with Matthew either, but really he hadn't needed to - especially when Elektra had found herself falling for Matthew, hard.

And now, here they were, in Matthew's college dorm, spent and aching from their second round of lovemaking - the first being in the boxing ring Matthew used to frequent as a child. When they had reached the dorm, she'd laughed openly at him when he insisted on putting a sock on the door, even though his shaggy-haired roommate had already told him he was away visiting his parents.

(She'd stopped laughing, though, when he'd back-kicked the door shut and pressed her up against it and kissed her so hard it left her breathless.)

But it was morning now, the light streaming through the gap in the curtains. Elektra's eyes followed the path the narrow beam of sunlight made, turning on her side, and she found Matthew was sitting up, having pulled on some pyjama pants but still without a shirt. His head was ever so slightly bowed forward, and in the light she caught sight of the smattering of stubble on his jaw.

It was hard not to admire him - there was something beautiful, in the soft kind of way that Elektra hadn't thought was real, in the curve in his cheek, the way his brow was furrowed in concentration, in the way he slowly, deliberately exhaled. It was like - goddamn it, she couldn’t even believe she was thinking this - like Matthew was emanating light from within. And that made Elektra's breath catch in her throat.

Of all people, she never thought this would happen to her. Elektra had always looked at those lovelorn in disdain, not understanding when people wrote poetry, songs, novels, about this far-fetched emotion she had had yet to feel. But being with Matthew now - it was like a switch had flicked in her head. Like suddenly it all made sense.

Yet it wasn't just the gleaming sun kissing his cheeks and caressing his face that made her see him differently. It was more than that. Matthew had practically bared his soul to her last night. He’d opened up to her and given himself to her in every sense of the word - been vulnerable in a way she hadn't expected. And now, Elektra did not for the life of her know what to do with that, because the mere thoughts racing through her mind felt dangerously like the very love she had been so dismissive of before.

Looking at him now, she wasn't sure what he was doing - he seemed to be steeling himself, trying to work up the courage to do something. She just didn't know what - not until he blessed himself, put his hands together and started murmuring under his breath - and even then, she didn't recognise the words for what they were immediately.

“Dear Lord, help me remember what a difference it makes when I make time with You a priority in my morning. Awaken me in body and spirit each day with a desire to meet with You and to hear You speak words of affirmation, assurance and wisdom over my heart as I prepare to go into my day. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” He blessed himself again, two fingers touching his forehead and chest and shoulders. Then he sighed deeply, before he whispered the final word in the prayer: “Amen.”

And Elektra didn't even realise she was holding her breath until she suddenly found the need to let it out, and that was enough to give her away.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Matthew said softly without turning around.

“Hey,” Elektra replied with a smile.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.”

“It's okay.” Elektra paused for a moment, then said, “I didn't know you were the religious type.”

That was a lie. Stick had briefed her thoroughly beforehand, and Elektra probably knew Matthew's life story better than he did.

Almost of its own accord, Matthew's hand went up to touch the crucifix around his neck.

“I'm not always a good Catholic,” he admitted. “Some days… I wonder what the point of all this is.”

“What do you mean?”

“The guilt, the penance, the self-punishment - and doing it all shrouded in ritual and candles and holy water like that makes it all okay.” But then he stopped short, as if he had just recognised the bitterness in his voice. “Sorry. I didn't mean to get all philosophical on you first thing in the morning.”

Elektra just laughed, reaching forward, her fingers grazing against his as she felt the cross too. “That's all right.”

“I guess that means you don't believe in a higher power, then?”

“You say that like it's a given.”

“For me it is,” Matthew countered.

“But you just said -”

“I said I'm not always a good Catholic. That I don’t know what the point of prayer is all the time. That I can get angry at God. But that doesn't mean I don't believe He's up there watching me.”

“How can you be so sure?” Elektra asked quietly.

To her surprise he chuckled. “I will let you know if I ever have a proper answer to that.”

It was then that she said slowly, “In answer to your question… I guess, maybe there is a God. Maybe there isn't. To be honest, I don’t really care either way. But if there is - in my book, He seems like a bit of a bastard.”

Elektra expected him to flinch at that, or otherwise react, and she was surprised to see that other than a slight twitching in the corner of his mouth, Matthew said and did nothing.

“What makes you say that?” he said finally.

“Last night… you said you lost your dad,” said Elektra, “that he was killed by criminals. And I doubt that's the only injustice that's happened to you.”

Matthew nodded. “Yeah, there are way too many sequels to that sob story.”

“It's not a sob story,” Elektra said firmly. “It's your life. It’s not been an easy one. And you've been dealt far too many shitty hands. It makes me wonder if the person or being doing the dealing is doing it on purpose when you so clearly deserve better.”

“I have to say, I'm glad life isn't a card game because I wouldn't have stood a chance. Being blind and all.”

Elektra laughed. “True. But I wonder - if we're going to go with that analogy - why keep playing, giving Him the benefit of the doubt, Matthew, when you keep being dealt so badly?”

He shrugged. “I guess I just have faith that I'll get dealt the right cards eventually.”

After hesitating for a moment, Elektra reached out, so her hand was covering his. “Well, for what it’s worth - I may not be a believer, but that’s something I’d pray for. For you to be happy.”

And Matthew smiled now. “See? That’s a miracle right there.” Their fingers laced together as he leaned in to kiss her forehead, then her nose and her lips. There was something so tender about it all - the kind of gentle earnestness that Elektra knew instinctively that she didn’t deserve.

“I'm glad you're here,” Matthew blurted out, almost before he seemed to realise he had done so. His hand dropped to his side.

“I'm glad too. Mostly because this futon is a wonder.” Matthew chuckled as well.

“It's only started to be. Before last night it was always so - stiff and new.”

“Well, then, I'm glad you broke it in,” Elektra said with a smile. She hesitated, then said, “Can I ask you a question? It's possible it might be too personal -”

She was surprised when she felt his lips brush against her cheek, even more so when he pulled away slightly and Elektra caught sight of the slow smile forming on his face. “Sweetie, I think we got plenty personal.”

That helped a bit - him making her smile, distracting her from what was really on her mind. “True.” She leaned over her side of the bed so she could grab Matthew's discarded t-shirt, putting it on.

“I hope that was my shirt,” he said with a grin.

“You know it was,” she teased back. He shrugged at that, letting out a tiny sigh when she put her arms around his bare waist from behind, burying her nose in his shoulder.

“You can ask, you know.”

She didn't need to be told twice. “Have you ever been in love?” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop herself, and his sharp intake of breath already made her regret asking.

“Have you?” he countered. And for what felt like the hundredth time so far, again, Elektra was thrown, caught off guard, without an answer. Damn Matthew Murdock and his never-ending ability to get under her skin.

“I didn't even think it was possible,” she admitted. “I… didn't think I was built for that, to be honest.” Then she shifted a little, reaching out so her finger was under his chin and she turned his head towards her. “Good job deflecting that question, by the way. Nicely done, Matthew.”

At first he didn't answer, just kissed her gently. Then he said quietly, “I have, Elektra. Been in love, that is.”

“How did it end?”

“It hasn't,” he replied firmly without hesitation, as he leaned his forehead against hers, and Elektra knew that Matthew could have gone on, said more. His lips were parted, the words that Elektra had all but asked him to say on his tongue, but she couldn't let him say it. And it wasn't only because it pained her to see him wear his heart so unashamedly on his sleeve; no, it also pained her when she realised that what she wanted more than anything was to do the same in return.

But she had her mission. Elektra was meant to be the distraction for Matthew, not the other way around.

So she lost herself in him instead, and he in her. And she shouldn’t have, she really shouldn’t have, but as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, she found herself mouthing the words she had stopped him from saying into his skin.

Tagging a few people who might be interested (apologies if you’re not pls ignore): @captainriphunter @therewas-a-girl @moralezmiles @smilinstar

promises - peter parker

description: (y/n) and peter don’t have much time, but they always seem to make it for each other. 

song: promises - aly & aj 

pairing: peter parker x fem!reader (she’s an avenger)

warnings: maybe swears? y’all know the deal i’m 16 and the world is about to explode

author’s note: to anyone reading this after late april - maybe this isn't how everything would go. i don’t know. i can't see the future. just enjoy reading. and for the people reading in the future - including future me - *margot robbie voice* suck my dick

The mirror in the room is easily the biggest Peter’s ever seen in his life, and as he stares at himself in it, he puffs out his chest a few times. This suit is somehow even more comfortable than the last, but the shape is completely different: his small Iron Spider has been replaced with a larger design, its purpose not fully known to him yet, but that’s a conversation with Tony Stark for a different time. Spider-Man brought out a confidence in him he never knew he had - he can still remember the sense of purpose he felt when he put his first one on back in Germany - yet in this suit, with the threat of war looming before him, he feels like the terrified fourteen year old version of himself that never walked out of that science lab freshman year. 

The only thing that could help, he decides, is you. While Peter had been analyzing himself at every angle. You had been in the other room for a little over ten minutes now, but Peter is still growing anxious. The two of you don’t have enough time, as Mr. Stark carefully articulated a little while beforehand, so he is desperate to see you. He walks away from the mirror, cracking his knuckles and bouncing up and down as he walks towards the back of a leather couch, taking a seat there and letting his leg shake. I can do this. He thinks, chewing on his bottom lip. We can do this. 

With the sound of a doorknob turning, the hairs on the back of Peter’s neck erect and his eyes snap towards an opening door a few dozen feet away. Your head is downturned when you walk towards him, because you’re focused on how your new suit fits around your legs, and it’s only when you hear an audible gasp leave Peter’s lips do you look up, a happy look on your face. “How do you think it looks?” You ask, tugging lightly at your sleeves. You stop in front of him, a bright smile spreading across your face as you watch as his coffee colored eyes wander around the expanses of your figure. You raise your eyebrows, “Peter?”

Peter’s eyes dart back to yours, a blush creeping up his cheeks when he notices the sparkle of childlike excitement behind them. “Just,” He places his hands on your biceps, unable to stop himself from giving you one last once over, “Wow.”

You shake your head playfully, reaching out to rest your hands on his lower back. “What’s got your jaw dropped?” You ask, blushing at the thought that his arose because of you. 

Peter clears his throat, leaning back a little in an attempt to appear at least a tiny bit cooler. “You look very pretty.” He says, drawing you in a tiny bit closer. 

You shuffle your feet against the floor, glancing down for a moment at Peter’s chest. The new design is cute, you decide, as the large spidery design glistens in the sunlight and seems to hug his figure perfectly.  “You look very shiny.” You comment, stroking the tensile material with your thumbs. “I like it.” 

He chuckles, and so do you, but in the moments of silence that follow, you know neither of you are thinking of how the other look. Instead, the initial excitement you shared from seeing one another, from seeing your suits, is replaced with the wave of heart straining anxiety with the thought of what these suits are to be used for.

War. You’re going to war. Maybe next week, maybe today, or maybe minutes from now, you and Peter could be dead. For the years the two of you have been, well, whatever you are, you’ve thought about the moment where Tony or any one of the other Avengers would call upon you, and now that it’s here and you’re in the new suits and there’s a giant stationary ring hanging over Manhattan, as much as you hate to admit it, you’re terrified. 

Peter looks back up and resumes his slightly solemn smile, determined to see one of your radiant smiles spread across your face. “Did you see the guy-” 

You gasp, “The huge blue guy? I thought I was hallucinating for a second!” Your mind flashes back to the moment where a man (an alien man might you had), double your size had brushed passed you a few hours ago in the hallway, followed by a beautiful, but emerald colored woman and her other friends. “And there was a freakin’ green lady? And another girl with like, mantis antennae-” 

“-And that other Peter, space lord guy, you do like me more right?” Peter raises his eyebrows, biting back a grin. 

You roll your eyes, quickly clasping your hand over your mouth in a weak attempt to stifle your giggle. “Of course I like you more.” You say, the brightness in your voice starting to fade as soon as you look back into his eyes. You watch as Peter’s eyebrows start to furrow: you hate it when he frowns, and he’s already developing little wrinkles because of it. The hand that left his waist wanders between the two of you, and Peter takes it fervently, interlacing your fingers and squeezing as tightly as possible. He clutches your interlaced hands to his chest, close enough that you can feel his heart beating rapidly against the  back of your hand. 

“We’re really in deep shit aren’t we. We’re really fighting something big?” Your eyes move between the sight of your bound hands and his eyes, which are doing exactly the same thing. 

“Yeah.” Peter nods. Then, he moves his free hand up from the side of your arm to the side of your neck, his thumb swiping gently on your cheek and jaw bone. His touch, although characteristically warm and soft, sends what feels like shock of electricity surging through every nerve of your body. He ignites you in a way that he will never be able to understand, and although you would gladly take the safety of his bedroom over the danger of a battlefield, you’ve decided that you will never stop fighting for him. 

“We’re going to be okay.” You say, your voice as steady as you can possibly make it. Peter watches as you nod to yourself, emitting something resembling confidence. “We’ll make it out, and Tony will make it out, and Steve and everyone we care about.”

You’re not sure if you’re trying to convince Peter or yourself. 

“We’ll be okay.” Peter affirms, but his voice slightly quivers. He moves his fingertips to brush your hair behind your ear, his barely regulated heart calming as he starts to focus on your facial features that he adores the most. He gasps internally with every blink you take, where your long lashes brush ever so delicately against the high points of your cheeks. The fury in his belly is stirred when you bite the plushness of your bottom lip, and when you lean into his touch seeking nothing more than his comfort, he swears he can feel himself falling deeper in love with you. 

Like you read his mind, you start to speak. “I’m in love with you Peter.” Your voice cracks slightly when you say his name. “I can’t remember if I’ve told you before.” 

Peter chuckles, immediately recalling a conversation you had a few days ago (every time you’ve told him you love him is permanently engraved in his memory) but flushing red with fondness nevertheless. “I’m in love with you too (Y/N).” 

Peter takes his time to kiss you after that, to savor the softness of your mouth as it moves against his. You give a light squeeze to your still entwined hands and whimper quietly. “I’m scared.” You mumble, your breath fanning lightly against his lips. “I don’t want to lose you.” 

“You won't. I won’t leave you.” He murmurs, bumping his nose against yours and pecking the corner of your lips. You sigh, melting your lips against his once more.

“You promise?” 

This time, Peter’s voice doesn’t waver. He nods, pressing his lips to yours for what you pray isn’t the last time. 

“I promise.” 

♡ ; junhui | animosity (i.)

a/n: this was originally supposed to be only one part, but the plot was a little too long so i split it into two. this part is honestly pretty dry but i promise part 2 will be more interesting!!! oof i hope you enjoy this as much as i did writing it ((: (i’ll get back to requests asap i just needed to write something for my bby)

≫ words; 2582

≫ genre; fluff

≫ au; royalty!au

≫ pairing; prince!junhui x fem!reader

↳ in which you’re supposed to get married but you hate each others’ guts so your parents have no choice but to interfere.

Junhui loved everyone, and everyone loved him. He’d never fail to give friendly smiles to the servants who worked in the palace, and bring colour to the townspeople’s monochrome lives with his odd sense of humour whenever he paid visits to the local market. He didn’t just have a pretty face; he had an amazing personality and top-notch manners to top it all off.

Jun also loved his parents. He deeply respected the King and Queen for ruling the country so brilliantly and bringing the country wealth and prosperity as well as happiness; a feat he doubted he would be able to do. He loved his mother and father for giving birth to him and showing him so many things he’d never known before.

What the second prince didn’t love, however, was the fact that he was denied of the freedom to choose his spouse.

He recalled being summoned into the throne room many years ago, when he was still a young boy ignorant of the world and the many problems around him. His father — the King — broke it to him that he’d have to marry a Princess from one of the neighbouring kingdoms. It was something about maintaining peace with the kingdom to avoid war; Junhui didn’t really understand at that time. He shrugged the news off, treating it as another piece of information he didn’t really understand.

It was only after he grew a little older and developed a crush on one of his classmates that he realised the true impact of his arranged marriage. He would’t be able to marry anyone he fell in love with, unless it was, well, the person he was supposed to marry. He grew to despise the idea of having someone choosing for him; especially when it was the person he’d have to spend his entire life with.

He grew to despise the idea of having to marry a Princess from a neighbouring kingdom; the idea of marrying you.

At one point, Junhui’s mother thought it’d be a good idea for him and his “future wife” to meet. He was only nine at that time, but he really didn’t want to see you. Or talk to you. Or play with you.

Unfortunately, your mother happily agreed to the idea of you going on a playdate with Jun.

So the two of you were pushed together, left alone to your own devices in a random room in Junhui’s castle as your mothers went off for high tea.

The boy crossed his arms and strode over to one of the corners of the room, sticking his tongue out at you. “I don’t want to play with you.”

You huffed in response, stomping your way to the corner right opposite his. “Me neither!”

“I don’t want to marry you,” the second Prince announced, throwing a sharp glare at you.

“You think I’d want to marry you?” You rolled your eyes, glaring right back at him. “Who would want to marry a stinky brat like you, anyway?”

“I am not a stinky brat!” He shouted, balling his hands into fists. “You’re the stinky bimbo! I don’t need a dumb princess as my wife!”

The next hour continued that way, the both of you throwing insults at each other with no mercy. It ended with you crying and Jun on the verge of doing so; the only reason why you hadn’t had a physical fight yet was because the two Queens rushed into the room just in time to stop things from getting worse.

Your first meeting only fuelled your hate towards each other, and your reluctance to get married to the other.

You both felt this animosity towards each other; it was unspoken, but everyone knew.

Ever since then, it became Junhui’s tradition to feign sickness on the nights your kingdom held special events, and vice-versa. Heck, it didn’t even need to be an event your castle held. It could be any event; as long as the boy heard you were going to attend, he’d make it his mission to miss out on it. It was the same for you.

Both your parents were getting sick and tired of your childish game.

In fact, it wasn’t just Jun’s parents; his servant and close friend, Minghao, was getting irritated as well.

“I’m not feeling well, Hao. I think I’ll skip this one,” Jun said, sinking comfortably into the sheets of his luxurious queen-sized bed.

Minghao let out a tired sigh, pinching his nose bridge. “Look, just quit it already,” he groaned, glaring at the prince. “There’s no escaping the fact that you’ll be married one day, so you might as well just face her now.”

Jun frowned, his eyebrows furrowing together. “After that horrendous first meeting? No thanks, I’d like to avoid talking to that rude girl for as long as possible.”

“You were just as rude, Junhui.”

The said prince let out a frustrated sigh, sitting up on his elbows to look at his servant, who was leaning against the door to his grand room. “I don’t want to meet her yet, okay? It just sucks that I have to be forced into this. And she clearly doesn’t want to meet me either, considering how she hasn’t been turning up for our events despite the invitations.”

Minghao mumbled a yes, your majesty before leaving the room, feeling extremely ticked-off.

Junhui sighed and threw himself back onto the pillow, praying he wouldn’t meet you anytime soon.

“Y/N! Get up and start packing,” you woke up to the sound of your mother’s high-pitched voice. “We’re going for a diplomatic meeting in a neighbouring kingdom.”

Still blinking your sleep away, you frowned. “Why do I have to go?”

“You’re nineteen, Y/N. It’s about time you got some first-hand insight on how things work to add on to your knowledge.” Your mother rummaged through your drawers and pulled out a white suitcase. “No more objections. We’re leaving in two hours.”

“Wait — how long are we staying there?” You rubbed your eyes, trying your hardest to suppress a yawn.

“Seven days, six nights.”

Now you were fully awake. “What the hell are we staying so long for? A vacation?”

“Language.”

With that, the Queen exited your dwelling, leaving you to pack one week’s worth of clothes and get ready for a royal meeting in two hours.

You groaned, finally kicking the sheets off you and stepping out of your bed. It’s going to be a long week.

The royal butler helped load your now full suitcase into the back of the car. You thanked him with a small smile before climbing into the black car and inserting yourself into the corner, leaning against the window. Your mother slid in next to you, immediately criticising your choice of dress. It was a long, light blue gown, and not as fancy as your mother would’ve liked. After all, it was just another diplomatic meeting — it’s not like you were going to impress someone.

“You should’ve worn the yellow one I got you the other day,” she chided, tearing your body away from the corner and making you face her. “You hair is a mess! You should’ve at least dried it!”

“You gave me two hours to pack for a week-long trip and to get ready, Mother,” you mumbled, sighing as she turned you around once again and worked her skilled hands along your hair to try and straighten the tangled strands.

“A princess must always look presentable, regardless of how long she is given to prepare,” your mother started lecturing you as the car started. “Especially when she is about to meet people from other kingdoms.”

Nodding your head emotionlessly, you blocked the rest of her lecture out, returning back to your corner when she was done trying to make you look a bit more presentable. When she was finally done chattering about her mother and the beatings she had to endure because she wasn’t up to standard, you asked, “Which kingdom are we going to?”

The Queen smiled, an excited look passing through her eyes. “You’ll see.”

You were busy napping for about ninety-percent of the ride to the oh, so exciting kingdom named ’You’ll See’ , so you didn’t realise the roads that were taken were the ones that led to a horrid memory you couldn’t erase.

It only dawned on you on exactly whose kingdom you were in when your eyes blinked open as you arrived at the castle front.

Immediately, you shot awake, any remnants of sleep instantly disappearing as you looked around, not truly believing where you’d arrived.

“Mother,” you gulped, turning to face the woman who wore a pleased expression on her face. “Isn’t this — Junhui’s—”

The said woman beamed as the car halted and the passenger door swung open. “Yes.” She stepped out of the black vehicle just as the door on your side jerked open, making your heart fill with dread.

Oh, dear lord, please help me.

You gingerly got out of the car, hastily wiping away the drool that was on your cheek. Hurrying to join your mother’s side,  you tried your best to straighten your slightly crumpled dress as she stepped in front of the doors, holding onto her purse.

Please, don’t open.

Much to your dismay, the grand double doors creaked open, revealing a —

Whoa.

You couldn’t help it when your eyes widened, taking in the sight in front of you. He was barely recognisable — half of his fringe was gelled up, and he stood devastatingly tall in a full suit, completed with a tie. Gone were his features that you’d criticised ten years ago— they were replaced by lips, eyes and a nose that were nothing short of perfect.

Wen Junhui looked gorgeous.

His eyebrows raised in surprise, eyes running up and down your figure. His mind was reeling, wondering as to why you were here, why his mother hadn’t given him a warning beforehand, and how you managed to look so stunning when he remembered insulting your bugs-bunny teeth in that damned room a decade ago.

If he were being very honest, Jun wanted nothing more than to stare at you all day and get to know you better over a cup of tea; perhaps even apologise for the snarky comments he’d made about your behaviour and appearance all those years ago. If he had known you’d transform into this beautiful girl, he would’ve treated you like a queen.

In that moment, he was more than grateful that you were going to be his wife.

Then he recalled your mean comments and constant death glares directed at him; Jun had to stop himself from pushing you out of the castle as the feeling of awe and wonder disappeared as quickly as it came.

A nudge from his mother reminded him where he was and what he was supposed to do, so he stepped forward to take your hand, pressing a light kiss onto the back of it. “Welcome,” he greeted with a charming smile, letting your hand go. Your breath caught in your throat when you realised just how more alluring he was up close, but you recovered quickly, turning the ends of your lips upwards to thank him with a small curtsy.

Your mothers exchanged hugs, and Junhui took a small step back from you. The silence was awkward as you fiddled with your dress, suddenly wishing you were wearing something fancier.

Once the two Queens had finished with their small reunion, a servant with cute elf-like ears led the four of you to the meeting room. You noticed how Junhui glared at the poor servant, and how the servant constantly shot the second prince apologetic smiles, mouthing something along the lines of listen, there’s more coming up.

Suppressing a yawn, you took your seat at the round table, bowing to the King. Junhui took his seat next to yours, clearly uncomfortable, as seen from how straight his back was.

The meeting went by depressingly slow, and you had half a mind to excuse yourself to the toilet and stay there till the meeting was over. Jun himself seemed to be dozing off, if not for the fact that his mother was constantly nudging him under the table, preventing him from falling asleep. You weren’t quite sure what the learning objective of the two-hour long discussion was, other than a. Junhui’s father was a terribly long-winded man and b. his servant with the cute ears went by the name of Minghao.

It finally came to an end when the King cleared his throat, announcing that he was to attend yet another meeting in about an hour, and that everyone was now dismissed. You stood up a little too excitedly, stretching your numb limbs after being in the same position for so long, eager to go home.

“Princess Y/N,” Minghao started, lowering his head politely, “Our butlers have already unloaded your luggage. I’ll take you to your room, unless you’d like Prince Junhui to?”

At that, your jaw slackened, the surprise evident in your face. You completely forgot that you’d be staying for a whole week. Blinking as you tried your best to wipe the shock off your features, you were about to answer him when Jun interrupted.

“What do you mean, take her to her room?” The disbelief was etched into his voice as he rose from his seat, walking towards you and Minghao. The servant watched as the taller Prince came to a stop beside you, the height difference between you two making you feel incredibly small.

“Our dear Y/N will be staying over for a week, Junhui,” the Prince’s mother explained, looking between the three of you with a disgustingly sweet smile. It made you want to puke as you took note of how forced it was.

“I wasn’t told of this,” the said Prince argued, clearly angry.

“That’s because you would’ve been completely against it, dear,” the woman’s smile stretched across her face as she gestured towards you. “How about you take Y/N to her room? It’s the one next to yours.”

Junhui looked like he was about to punch the living lights out of his mother before he caught his father shooting him a stern glare. Turning his head away, he sighed in resignation as he regarded you, the hate still evident in his eyes. It made you wince a little.

“Wait — then where’s my mother staying?” You asked, suddenly coming to realise that your mother hadn’t said a thing since the whole affair had started.

You shifted your gaze away from Jun’s and to where your mother was standing. She was visibly avoiding eye contact, and you could read her like an open book. She fidgeted nervously, guilt evident from her body language. The room was eerily quiet as everyone watched the mother and daughter.

She’s not even staying. Your confused eyes turned into furious ones as you tore your eyes from her figure, choosing to glare at the carefully polished tiles beneath you. She lied to me.

“Let’s just go,” you mumbled under your breath, knowing that you were inevitably acting like a spoilt brat in front of not only your mother, but in front of another kingdom’s King and Queen.

And your future husband.

Junhui seemed to catch what you said, leading you out of the tense meeting room as the both of you tried to brace yourself for the sure-unpleasant week to come.

Speak Life - Tune Into Heaven

Why are we still here? Just to exist and take up space mulling around waiting for Christ to return.

God has been so good to me there isn't enough time to begin to express how grateful I am.  However, I want more, so much more of Him, His desires for my life and His will for His people to know Him burns in me daily.  The word says He wishes that No man should perish.  So with all of the people who live on this planet I am not afraid to say that I'm just getting started.  God has given me a voice, not just to sing but to declare His works throughout the universe.  It is imperative that those of us who are the true worshippers of God stand up and speak, sing and proclaim the truth that men may come to know Him.  

Staying in tune to Heaven can be difficult.  I can be overwhelmed with the voices, opinions and ideas that I am hearing in my everyday life.  Then to top it off God is moving in ways that are not so traditional and are unexpected.  He is causing me to be in situations that make me feel uncomfortable at times when He is asking me to carry out His will.   God is not doing things on a small scale right now.  It's like He has taken the gloves off and this thing has just became a real fight.  You see I grew up in church and I know all the cliche's and the typical things to do when I need to, BUT, He is calling me out of this box of tradition and normalcy into a world of absolute faith, courage and obedience to Him.

Tuning into Heaven means I have to silence the voices in my head that tell me, "It's never been done this way", "Everyone is looking at you," "Pray for a stranger when I'm in the middle of the Walmart, just to give you some examples.   I find that God is moving through me in many different ways and the situations that make me most uncomfortable are the ones that are most effective.  When I allow God to take control and walk in the truth of His word by faith He does miraculous things.  

So I'd like you to take a different outlook.  I already know that Heaven has a distinct sound.  If you have ever been in a worship experience and it reaches that place where the sound of Heaven comes rushing in there is nothing like that in this whole entire universe.  God begins to move and you really don't want to leave that space.  When I found out that Heaven actually has a frequency that we can tune into, my soul leaped for joy.  I got excited about being able to tune into Heaven and create a sound that will draw men unto God, ON PURPOSE!  For decades I have been writing songs and searching for lyrics that will compel men to seek God and love Him with their whole hearts.  Over the last few months I've been asking God for more.  I am in the middle of writing a new song that He gave me during a worship session with my sister at a women's conference and I got stuck.  The Holy Spirit led me back to some lyrics that I penned during a sermon on a Sunday morning and they fit perfectly.  Ok, God now I need a melody.  Something that is as powerful as the words you gave me on that Friday afternoon in Audubon, NJ.  He simply said, "Tune into Heaven".  Of course, I'm thinking I'm already tuned in.  What does that mean?  A few days went by and during my devotion time I began to hear these words, "Heaven has a frequency."  Literally, I began to do the research and because I'm a musician I want to know exactly what it is and how can I make this sound from the keyboard and with my voice.  What is the acutal pitch for Heaven's frequency?  How does it play a part in the song I'm writing and how can I create it?

For the last 10 years, I have been told by prophets, worship leaders and various people led by the Holy Spirit that my voice opens up Heaven and allows the fire of worship to burn.  I've been told that when I use my vocals in a certain way (which is hard to explain in words) it rebukes the enemy and allows God to move on the hearts of man to be healed and delivered.  Because I believe in the prophetic and it has been confirmed more than once I am always listening for God when I am in those settings so I can be obedient to my assignment.  But, I never really put two and two together until I started doing the research about the frequency of Heaven.

Every person who has a voice, when you vocalize (speak, sing, hum, etc.) it resonates a frequency, yes, even your speaking voice.  Because I am a vocal coach I can most often tell by the tone and quality of someone's speaking voice what their singing range would be.  Sometimes I can even tell if they can sing or not.  The natural tone of my voice is A-flat if you were to play this tone while I am talking that's where it would land.  Heaven's healing frequency is 432hz which equates to the Key of A-flat on the keyboard.  When I learned this all the pieces came together.  All my life people have distinguished me by voice whether I was singing or talking.  To me it was just my voice.  I thought because it was very low for a woman that's what it was.  Or because I was a singer and it was strong.  Never in a million years did I think or believe that God created me this way on purpose.   Every time I think about it I get overwhelmed that God tuned me to Heaven's healing frequency.  We all were created by God with a Kingdom purpose.  It is up to us to learn it, understand it, develop it, and use it for His Glory!

What is your Heavenly frequency?  What is it that draws you to that special place in God?  I am so grateful that He allowed me to find mine.  Now, everytime I sing or speak I have a deeper understanding of what is happening in the atmosphere and the heavenlies.  Even if I can't see it I trust in my Creator and I know that healing is taking place and the hearts of men/women are being drawn to worship God.  

Father God,Creator of all things.  I worship, adore and thank You for creating me in Your image.  I am so deeply humbled that you took the time to create a sound in me specific to Heaven.  It is amazing how You just made us one big orchestra.  Help us to learn our sounds and to understand how to use them.  Let us begin to walk in our full callings on purpose with knowledge and understanding of who we are and what we are here for.  We are not mistakes and I rebuke every thought of the enemy that tries to tell us that it was just an accident.  You created us with our assignment in mind.  Thank you for creating us all so uniquely.  I am Masterpiece of Heaven!  In Jesus Name, Amen.

2 Peter 3:9 ESV / 25 helpful votes

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

Ephesians 2:10 ESV / 9 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.