in my prophet era

Thankful - 11/2014 - Section 23

What am I thankful for? I’m thankful for a lot of different things. I’m thankful that my parents are still together – even though my dad’s living in Arizona, while my mom is living in Florida. He’s just working there, until my sister graduates and then they’ll all move to Arizona. I’m thankful for my two sisters. I’m thankful for my older one for being someone that reminds me of me, someone that I look up to and admire for the way she’s found happiness in the most dark sides of the world. She’s someone that continues to fight. I’m thankful for my younger sister for being such a better person than I am. She has a huge heart, even though she sometimes calls me names and pisses me off. I know that my sister will do things for others that most people would not. I’m thankful for my best friend Drew. I’m thankful for how she’s been my rock throughout this last crazy year. She’s someone that I can depend on with anything, and she’ll forever have my back. Family is what I’m thankful for. I’m thankful for my grandparents, the ones alive and the ones that have passed. I’m thankful for the way that they raised my parents, and how they affected the way that my parents raised me. I’m thankful that even though back in their day, people like me weren’t accepted. My grandparents would never abandon me, and they will have my back over everything. I’m thankful for my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Chuck. Aunt Kathy is a woman that I’ll look up to forever. The way she handled life with such grace and class. The way that she was always optimistic, and laughed, even if things weren’t going that right. I’m thankful that she was a part of my life. I’m thankful for my Uncle Chuck. I’m thankful for the way that he fought in the war, the way that family means a lot to him. I’m thankful for the man that he was, and how he cared for my Aunts and cousins so much. I’m thankful for the way that he would drive me to all these bullshit things I got involved in. I’m thankful for the way that his driving made me think at any given moment, I was also going to die. I’m thankful for a lot this year, but most importantly I’m thankful to be here in Florida with my family. I didn’t want to do any drugs before I saw my parents on this trip. I wanted to see them as if nothing was going wrong for me this semester. I wanted them to see me as being a strong, hardworking person. I wanted them to see the strength in my scars. I missed my mom a lot. I haven’t seen her in what feels like forever. I didn’t know how much I would miss my parents until I was sitting here in Florida with them. Being away from home isn’t that bad, but being across the whole country doesn’t seem like a big deal until you see them again. My dad hadn’t gotten in yet, he gets in the day before thanksgiving. I leave the day after. I wanted to spend more time with him, but I was glad that my mom and he got to see each other. I was most excited to see my sister. My sister and I hate each other when we’re around each other. We both get on each other’s nerves. Although, I didn’t realize how much our hatred was just sibling rivalry. My sister is my rock, and I don’t really know who I would be without her. I don’t think I would have ever been happy. She’s always been someone that was there to hang out with, someone to play all these imaginary games with. Drew came over and I felt more at home than I would throughout the whole trip. Drew brings back a Chance that doesn’t overthink and overanalyze. She brings back my actual life. I didn’t think of all the negative things that were circling around me most of the time. She brought back a genuine smile. I missed her a lot. I missed spending the whole night talking shit with her, playing Mario and eating pizza or candy. I miss our random trips to Wal-Mart during the middle of the night in hopes that nobody in this shitty town would see us. I just missed seeing my best friend. My grandparents came over and it was really nice to see them. I felt like I had to be a different person when they were around, just because I wasn’t the most respectful and cookie-cutter image of a person. I cussed a lot, and I would say a bunch of different bullshit that I don’t think they would want to hear. I just didn’t really know how to talk to them. I didn’t want to feel judged, even though I don’t think they would have judged me. It’s just weird. It’s an insecurity of mine that the way that I act and talk will push people away from me. Since I have the insecurity, I end up pushing people away myself. I finally went to my room. That room. This room was filled with demons crawling over the painted white walls that were supposed to symbolize me trying to hide the darkness. My concrete floor that used to have carpet, but I ruined that for dancing and just wanted a change in my life. The bed that used to lie a girl that I would forever hold close to my heart until I laid deep underground. I don’t even think the bugs eating away what’s left of the body could even eat away the feelings that I had for her. This room was broken. This room symbolized a dark past that I didn’t think would affect me this much. I was wrong. I didn’t really sleep that night. I couldn’t stop seeing shadows of the past that still lingered in this room. I tossed and turned. I faced the ceiling. I faced the pillow. Nothing fucking made sense though. Life was so weird to me. One minute you can be sixteen years old, you could be sleeping next to this girl that meant the world to you. You can see the light shining in the window on these gray walls, and a bed that was always made for two people that would spend the day kissing and singing songs. You would look deep into the eyes of the person that you knew you couldn’t live without. A time where I’d walk to the beach and hang out with friends. I wouldn’t spend my days getting wasted and so fucked up on meth. I would laugh with a couple beers, and have a nice buzz. A time where school was important (kind of.) You blink an eye and suddenly you’re sitting in an empty room that’s been painted white. You see the floors been cut up, and an empty spot on the bed where used to lay your best friend. A person that you learned how to live without. You balance your life on liquor and meth. You feel isolated from the world and your family as you live three thousand miles away. The beach was as gray as the sky. It’s crazy how fast everything can change. Today was back to normal. It was like I hadn’t really been gone that long. Drew and I hung out for most the day. Billie and I were still getting along, but it was clear that the excitement of being reunited was already starting to fade away. I spent most of the time in the living room, we watched videos on the TV all day, and I would play with my dogs. Everything was good again. I wanted to go to the beach so bad, but for people who see it every day, nobody ever goes. I just wanted to see the water. I loved spending time at the beach, it’s like as the waves break so does all my negative thoughts. I felt normal there. I didn’t behave that well today. My parents are pretty cool with me drinking, which is nice. I just don’t get drunk. I can drink a beer or so, but beer tastes like shit so I like to have hard liquor. They usually just buy some Smirnoff ices and shit doesn’t do anything for me unless I have like five or six. Although, I did go on Grindr that night and get laid by some dude that was in town for theatre. I don’t remember his name, but he rode me in his car. My dad came in the next day. I didn’t realize how much I missed my dad until I saw him. My dad was lowkey my hero, but that’s not something I’ll tell him. I don’t know how guys talk to each other, like father and straight son. Do they even say ‘I love you’ or get all mushy with the ‘I miss you so much’ bullshit? I don’t think so. So I always kept it quiet. My dad knew that I loved him, it’s something I’ll say when I see him and when I leave. It doesn’t need to be said all the time. I even thought that was weird. We all stayed up all night and all got along. We played cards, and fought like a normal family. I was so thankful to be here. I think this year has been hard on all of us. We lost family, we were all separated, and it’s just how far life pushes you until you break. My family doesn’t break, regardless of the bullshit that life pushes us through, with each other we stand stronger than a fucking concrete wall. Thanksgiving Day was finally here. I spent most of the day not doing anything like usual. I would talk to my dad, drink some beer and I snuck food when nobody was looking. My mom, sister and grandma cooked. I loved when those three women were in the kitchen, because since my sisters older now, it’s like they all think it’s their kitchen. They don’t know how to move around each other yet. It’s funny as hell to watch. I ate a lot before we even ate dinner, and I knew I was going to eat a lot more after that. We all set the table, and said grace like always. I come from a pretty weird family when it comes to religious. I think my grandparents are religious as hell, and my mom is too for the most part. None of them are in your face religion. They don’t disown anyone for not believing in the bible, and they don’t disown anyone for their beliefs. My dad was whatever, I don’t think he gave a fuck about religion. Growing up, we had to go to church. I think it was just for my parents to show us that there is something to believe in, if we wanted too. Once we were old enough to decide if we want to go. I started only going to youth group. To be honest, I liked the songs. I liked singing it and how crazy happy everyone got. They got in the spirit. I loved that shit. I stopped going to that once middle school hit though. I’m pretty open to religion, people can believe whatever they want. I really don’t care about it. I believe in myself, and that’s going to be the only thing that saves me. I really thought about how thankful I was, especially around this time. I watched everyone bow their heads for a prayer, and I crawled inside my head. I’m mostly thankful that I survived the night I tried to kill myself. I wouldn’t be here today, being thankful with the people that matter most to me. I wouldn’t be laughing with my grandparents. I wouldn’t be drinking wine at the table. If I would have died, this thanksgiving would have been a lot different. Suicide seems like a great answer when you’re going through depression, and honestly I would have been fine with it. I was tired of hurting. The thing that I’ve realized now is though, my pain would have ended but I would have created pain that would have lasted in my families heart forever. I couldn’t do that. Amen. Whatever the fuck that means. After dinner, everyone laid on the couch. Most of them slept. My grandma and mom did dishes, which really wasn’t fair considering they cooked all day. My lazy ass didn’t get up and help though, I was way too full. I started to feel my chest feel tighter, and it felt like someone huge was sitting on top of me. It felt like my body was closing in on myself. I couldn’t move. I went into a ball but it just made it worst. This has happened before, but only once. It’s excruciating pain though. I don’t know how to manage it. My mom said that it used to happen to her, another wonderful gene that she gave me. “You have to stretch out,” she said, as she noticed being in a ball wasn’t working for me. I had to lay on my back, and I felt my body slowly start loosening up. I felt my ribcages start breathing again, and suddenly I felt relieved. “What the hell is that?” “It happened to me when I was younger, it was my gallbladder,” she said. Whatever the fuck it was, I never wanted it to happen again. Drew came over later because I had to leave early in the morning. I didn’t really want to leave. Drew and I talked for most of the night. I loved talking to her. Drew was one of the few people in the world that wouldn’t judge me, and she would help me make sense for the stupid shit that I was doing. She would never just walk away from me though. She knew that there were things about me that were disconnected, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to put the pieces back together. It wasn’t like my brain came with a manual. We drank and danced, and just laughed at every single thing under the sun. I hung out with Drew up until the moment that I had to leave. I looked at my parents. I was going to see them in literally two weeks because we were all going to Vegas for my sisters birthday, but I didn’t want to really go back. I didn’t realize how homesick I was until I had left home. I boarded the plane and said goodbye to another glimpse of sanity that I was throwing away.

Doing wheelie on a Gauswheel

What the heck is the “reblog” option?

Anyway, as I was saying...

Gauswheel...    

I made a point of relaxation towards the end of the night to go to the neighborhood Safeway on my 2nd Electric Unicycle.  It is an act that helps me relax and get back to myself.  I was looking for some toner anyway.  And I bought a whole box of Ramen noodles for $4.99; anyway, after I got back home, I needed to drop off the goods and then I went out for a neighborhood ride until the battery went low.

Then I went home again to charge the unit.  It was then I took out my Gauswheel to practice in Golden Gate Park.  Oftentimes, it is the third time that is a charm in mastering such gadget.  I mean, I can now ride a straight line using this thing.  I was riding by the Great Highway when a woman with a poodle asked me if the bus was still running.  I told her, “Yeah, just look across the street, the #18 is running the other direction.  I may be another 30 minutes or an hour before the next one comes in though... “  Then I took the Gauswheel across the street to the beach.   There were a couple cars parked there with people inside.  I was practicing my balance in two positions: upright and putting my hands on the handle in the “race position.”  I was doing okay, considering that there were quite a few unevenness on the sidewalk.  There is no broadwalk but concrete tiles.  I was going almost all the way to the cliff house, but then I saw a guy wearing black jacket with a silver reflective stripe.  He was piling a bunch of stuff, and I didn’t want to encounter a homeless person in the middle of the night, like 12 a.m.; he might have been carrying a knife or something.  So...

I went the other way.  I was practicing hand free for about an hour before I went home and unplug the charger.  Then I went the same way as I did earlier with the electric unicycle.  I was pedaling my way to the zoo.   The Gauswheel has a very interesting design, in that I mean it has a long trail.  If the front wheel is not aligned right, it is easier to flip over, like over the handlebar type of flip over on a bicycle.  We have to let it flow.  

So, life is a balancing act.  I was just on Valencia Street earlier and spotted E.  She and I said hi and were very cordial.  I wished her a Happy New Year.  And then she said it might not be a good year, thinking that we are going to have a new president in office next week.  I told her about my experience in the last two inauguration.  I repeated the same joke about needing to go to therapy.  Haha...

Anyhow, there are a lot to think about as of late.  And as I was doing earlier on the electric unicycle on the same route, I was using this opportunity to meditate.  It is more about getting life in the balance. Though God is always with us, and that there is a purpose for everything, I am not sure what lessons we are to learn from this particular circumstance.  As in any praying/meditation, the most important part is to listen.  Thy will be done.  Often we have to admit, this is the most challenging part as well.  That is to listen as we reconnect to the Cosmic Soup, the source of all infinite intelligence...

I was humming the tune of the universe as I was putting my hands together.  As I was crossing the intersection, I happened to turn around and look at the sky.  What a cloudless night, at least we can be grateful for that.  In the Northern Hemisphere, the most obvious and easily identified constellation is the Hunter Orion.   But tonight I didn’t look at Orion first.  The strange thing is: I noticed the Big Dipper first.  Wow!  I was just looking for the Big Dipper a few days ago, and was about to consult a sky chart.  It was so prominent that I was pleasantly surprised!   One-two-three-four-five-six-seven.  Oh, that’s the Big Dipper for real! And I can see the North Star.  Drawing a line from the North Star to the horizon, I saw the Golden Gate Bridge.  It is such a privilege to live in a neighborhood with the bridge in sight!

I was also thinking about my grandpa as I was holding focus on my balancing act.  I didn’t mind to go slow.  Actually, it is the preferred way because like in life, the wheel of motion goes only backward and forward.  Most of the time we are moving forward.  It is the left and right balancing that is left to each individual as to how we react.  Slower change is better, for it takes the concentration away.  It is like it takes more skill to balance or trackstand on a bike.  Just how is grandpa doing?   Which direction should I go?

The election result is so unlike what we have been taught and the values we grew up with.  It is counterintuitive.  It is a complete opposite of what was taught was right.  Just what about our principles and values as a nation?  Just what does it say about us as a people?  I have no regret of doing good and continue with my own contribution and attitude towards building up this country.  Each in our own way, we must be the instrument of change that we would like to see in this world.  Yeah, it made a difference to that one!  Speaking of which, I was so grateful that I was given the opportunity with the older lady this morning at the post office.  I helped her tape up the package when she seemed at a loss about where to find the end of the tape.  We even joked about the digital scale with Wifi that she’s sending back.  $27 + change was all.  And she didn’t care about how long it takes to ship it back as long as she has a receipt and tracking that she did indeed send it back.  The post master said two weeks.  She replied it is okay if it takes two months.  And I joked how about two years?  Everybody laughed...

This year has been so far so good on a personal scale.  I think it is just good karma of what I did just before Christmas.  Pay it forward is the same theme we talked about today.

Speaking of which, today is the first day of my vacation.  I canceled my trip to Washington.  And it is quite an eventful day.  I went on my photography trip for a while.  And I learned quite a few things from my teacher.  The most memorable thing is about him mentioning a rather young parishioner getting a tattoo, when I mentioned that I was watching something on Youtube the previous night about a guy getting three tattoos--a cheap, a medium price and an exquisitely priced one.  First one is cookie cutter generic graphic.   The second one was the feel--it doesn’t sting but with a light touch.   The third is a piece of art.  Anyhow, he mentioned that the young woman who’s just gotten a tattoo get a passage from the Book of Psalm.  Maybe it is number 118.  I asked what’s the passage about, for I don’t have everything committed to memory.  It is about believing in God.  Hmmm... Tattoo can be a permanent deal.  It is quite a commitment.  But then she has a nose ring also.  Seriously?  I lightheartedly asked why she got it?  The teacher said he asked also, but didn’t get a reply.  And then he told about her story living on the street.  Church is the welcoming refuge...

As I was hearing the details of this story, I suddenly felt a sense of sympathy that I didn’t know existed within my for this particular person.  Ouch.... I didn’t know her; didn’t meet her.  But it is more a sense of pity and compassion.  It is more like “what can I do to help?” kind of feeling.  It is really about who a person is, instead of what she has, that defines her soul...

Anyway, going back to the gauswheel, when I was first learning it, I found it rather difficult and counterintuitive when the guy put in so much trail in the front wheel design, for it is hard to pedal and go straight before hitting that forward resistance from the front wheel.  But the alternative is to put too much weight distribution on the back wheel, and the end result is tipping backward and getting the front wheel airborne.  This is a rather unpleasant sensation.  However, as I was getting more comfortable with going straight instead of swaying left and right, I started to notice that the more weight we shift to the rear big wheel with air inside the tire, the easier it is for me to move forward and the faster the thing goes.  It is a delicate balance.  As I was pedaling farther and farther, I did Sloat Boulevard.  Then I went across the street to the zoo...

Of ocurse, the zoo was closed at this hour.  But it has been a while since I have been inside the zoo.   It might have been even 20 years since I last visited inside.  And I wondered how small a planet we live in.  We and the animals are not that different. all connected to the Living Force in this space time continuum.  And I think about something I read while eating dinner tonight.  I was reading “Wisdom of the Ages” by Dr. Wayne Dyer.  And there is a passage quoting Chief Seattle and other native American, admonishing us to treat all living things as equal and be more humble.   Be grateful.  This is a rather good attitude to have.  Amen.  As I was pedaling uphill by the zoo, I thought about the movie I saw last year--Zootopia.  That was a good movie with a surprise twist and turn, and it actually has a plot.  And I think about how it applies to our current situation...

I was cruising by the zoo’s parking lot, and then I felt comfortable and gained enough confidence about my balance on this gadget.  But as I reached Lake Merced, I sat down using the Gauswheel as a stool.  I meditated and prayed.  It was time to take a pause.  Just how often we were too busy in life that we forget that we are really living in the Moment.  It is the present that defines our actions?  It is not what is to come or what we did before, but it is our presence in this moment in time that our action that truly makes the difference and determines our destiny?

Just what should we do?  How should we cope and handle life’s ever changing circumstance?   There is a reason... let it be... came the lyrics of the Beatles song.

There is a reason.  We just couldn’t foresee it yet.  It is a golden opportunity.  We just need to be grateful and accept.

I was doing wheelie as I went downhill towards the beach.  It is like balancing on a unicycle, except that there is no pedal at the end of the axle to control balance.  Let the wheel roll and let it be...

I went back home on 48th Avenue by the Great Highway.  The street is more flat and pavement more even.  I was surprised that I saw two young women on Pacheo.  Were they more surprised to see me on a strange looking thing or was I more surprised that people were still walking on the street at 2 a.m. in the morning?  Hmmm... Then I saw somebody else as I crossed the street.  I thought it was somebody just parking her guy and going into her apartment.  Oh no, it is the neighborhood bum going through trash cans.We did’t   say anything to each other; and I saw anotherWhat the heck is the “reblog” option?Anyway, as I was saying... Gauswheel...    I made a point of relaxation towards the end of the night to go to the neighborhood Safeway on my 2nd Electric Unicycle.  It is an act that helps me relax and get back to myself.  I was looking for some toner anyway.  And I bought a whole box of Ramen noodles for $4.99; anyway, after I got back home, I needed to drop off the goods and then I went out for a neighborhood ride until the battery went low.Then I went home again to charge the unit.  It was then I took out my Gauswheel to practice in Golden Gate Park.  Oftentimes, it is the third time that is a charm in mastering such gadget.  I mean, I can now ride a straight line using this thing.  I was riding by the Great Highway when a woman with a poodle asked me if the bus was still running.  I told her, “Yeah, just look across the street, the #18 is running the other direction.  I may be another 30 minutes or an hour before the next one comes in though... “  Then I took the Gauswheel across the street to the beach.   There were a couple cars parked there with people inside.  I was practicing my balance in two positions: upright and putting my hands on the handle in the “race position.”  I was doing okay, considering that there were quite a few unevenness on the sidewalk.  There is no broadwalk but concrete tiles.  I was going almost all the way to the cliff house, but then I saw a guy wearing black jacket with a silver reflective stripe.  He was piling a bunch of stuff, and I didn’t want to encounter a homeless person in the middle of the night, like 12 a.m.; he might have been carrying a knife or something.  So...I went the other way.  I was practicing hand free for about an hour before I went home and unplug the charger.  Then I went the same way as I did earlier with the electric unicycle.  I was pedaling my way to the zoo.   The Gauswheel has a very interesting design, in that I mean it has a long trail.  If the front wheel is not aligned right, it is easier to flip over, like over the handlebar type of flip over on a bicycle.  We have to let it flow.   So, life is a balancing act.  I was just on Valencia Street earlier and spotted E.  She and I said hi and were very cordial.  I wished her a Happy New Year.  And then she said it might not be a good year, thinking that we are going to have a new president in office next week.  I told her about my experience in the last two inauguration.  I repeated the same joke about needing to go to therapy.  Haha...Anyhow, there are a lot to think about as of late.  And as I was doing earlier on the electric unicycle on the same route, I was using this opportunity to meditate.  It is more about getting life in the balance. Though God is always with us, and that there is a purpose for everything, I am not sure what lessons we are to learn from this particular circumstance.  As in any praying/meditation, the most important part is to listen.  Thy will be done.  Often we have to admit, this is the most challenging part as well.  That is to listen as we reconnect to the Cosmic Soup, the source of all infinite intelligence...I was humming the tune of the universe as I was putting my hands together.  As I was crossing the intersection, I happened to turn around and look at the sky.  What a cloudless night, at least we can be grateful for that.  In the Northern Hemisphere, the most obvious and easily identified constellation is the Hunter Orion.   But tonight I didn’t look at Orion first.  The strange thing is: I noticed the Big Dipper first.  Wow!  I was just looking for the Big Dipper a few days ago, and was about to consult a sky chart.  It was so prominent that I was pleasantly surprised!   One-two-three-four-five-six-seven.  Oh, that’s the Big Dipper for real! And I can see the North Star.  Drawing a line from the North Star to the horizon, I saw the Golden Gate Bridge.  It is such a privilege to live in a neighborhood with the bridge in sight!I was also thinking about my grandpa as I was holding focus on my balancing act.  I didn’t mind to go slow.  Actually, it is the preferred way because like in life, the wheel of motion goes only backward and forward.  Most of the time we are moving forward.  It is the left and right balancing that is left to each individual as to how we react.  Slower change is better, for it takes the concentration away.  It is like it takes more skill to balance or trackstand on a bike.  Just how is grandpa doing?   Which direction should I go? The election result is so unlike what we have been taught and the values we grew up with.  It is counterintuitive.  It is a complete opposite of what was taught was right.  Just what about our principles and values as a nation?  Just what does it say about us as a people?  I have no regret of doing good and continue with my own contribution and attitude towards building up this country.  Each in our own way, we must be the instrument of change that we would like to see in this world.  Yeah, it made a difference to that one!  Speaking of which, I was so grateful that I was given the opportunity with the older lady this morning at the post office.  I helped her tape up the package when she seemed at a loss about where to find the end of the tape.  We even joked about the digital scale with Wifi that she’s sending back.  $27 + change was all.  And she didn’t care about how long it takes to ship it back as long as she has a receipt and tracking that she did indeed send it back.  The post master said two weeks.  She replied it is okay if it takes two months.  And I joked how about two years?  Everybody laughed...This year has been so far so good on a personal scale.  I think it is just good karma of what I did just before Christmas.  Pay it forward is the same theme we talked about today.Speaking of which, today is the first day of my vacation.  I canceled my trip to Washington.  And it is quite an eventful day.  I went on my photography trip for a while.  And I learned quite a few things from my teacher.  The most memorable thing is about him mentioning a rather young parishioner getting a tattoo, when I mentioned that I was watching something on Youtube the previous night about a guy getting three tattoos--a cheap, a medium price and an exquisitely priced one.  First one is cookie cutter generic graphic.   The second one was the feel--it doesn’t sting but with a light touch.   The third is a piece of art.  Anyhow, he mentioned that the young woman who’s just gotten a tattoo get a passage from the Book of Psalm.  Maybe it is number 118.  I asked what’s the passage about, for I don’t have everything committed to memory.  It is about believing in God.  Hmmm... Tattoo can be a permanent deal.  It is quite a commitment.  But then she has a nose ring also.  Seriously?  I lightheartedly asked why she got it?  The teacher said he asked also, but didn’t get a reply.  And then he told about her story living on the street.  Church is the welcoming refuge...As I was hearing the details of this story, I suddenly felt a sense of sympathy that I didn’t know existed within my for this particular person.  Ouch.... I didn’t know her; didn’t meet her.  But it is more a sense of pity and compassion.  It is more like “what can I do to help?” kind of feeling.  It is really about who a person is, instead of what she has, that defines her soul...Anyway, going back to the gauswheel, when I was first learning it, I found it rather difficult and counterintuitive when the guy put in so much trail in the front wheel design, for it is hard to pedal and go straight before hitting that forward resistance from the front wheel.  But the alternative is to put too much weight distribution on the back wheel, and the end result is tipping backward and getting the front wheel airborne.  This is a rather unpleasant sensation.  However, as I was getting more comfortable with going straight instead of swaying left and right, I started to notice that the more weight we shift to the rear big wheel with air inside the tire, the easier it is for me to move forward and the faster the thing goes.  It is a delicate balance.  As I was pedaling farther and farther, I did Sloat Boulevard.  Then I went across the street to the zoo...Of ocurse, the zoo was closed at this hour.  But it has been a while since I have been inside the zoo.   It might have been even 20 years since I last visited inside.  And I wondered how small a planet we live in.  We and the animals are not that different. all connected to the Living Force in this space time continuum.  And I think about something I read while eating dinner tonight.  I was reading “Wisdom of the Ages” by Dr. Wayne Dyer.  And there is a passage quoting Chief Seattle and other native American, admonishing us to treat all living things as equal and be more humble.   Be grateful.  This is a rather good attitude to have.  Amen.  As I was pedaling uphill by the zoo, I thought about the movie I saw last year--Zootopia.  That was a good movie with a surprise twist and turn, and it actually has a plot.  And I think about how it applies to our current situation...I was cruising by the zoo’s parking lot, and then I felt comfortable and gained enough confidence about my balance on this gadget.  But as I reached Lake Merced, I sat down using the Gauswheel as a stool.  I meditated and prayed.  It was time to take a pause.  Just how often we were too busy in life that we forget that we are really living in the Moment.  It is the present that defines our actions?  It is not what is to come or what we did before, but it is our presence in this moment in time that our action that truly makes the difference and determines our destiny? Just what should we do?  How should we cope and handle life’s ever changing circumstance?   There is a reason... let it be... came the lyrics of the Beatles song.There is a reason.  We just couldn’t foresee it yet.  It is a golden opportunity.  We just need to be grateful and accept.I was doing wheelie as I went downhill towards the beach.  It is like balancing on a unicycle, except that there is no pedal at the end of the axle to control balance.  Let the wheel roll and let it be...I went back home on 48th Avenue by the Great Highway.  The street is more flat and pavement more even.  I was surprised that I saw two young women on Pacheo.  Were they more surprised to see me on a strange looking thing or was I more surprised that people were still walking on the street at 2 a.m. in the morning?  Hmmm... Then I saw somebody else as I crossed the street.  I thought it was somebody just parking her guy and going into her apartment.  Oh no, it is the neighborhood bum going through trash can.  We didn’t say anything to each other.  I saw another person on the street before coming home.