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julemmaes · 3 years

Note

Nesta comes home from the school run and finds Cassian asleep on the sofa with baby Andra asleep on his chest

So At Peace

Nessian modern au set in the The Seven Of Us universe (masterlist)

acotar next gen fan fiction

A/N: just fluff with some boobies jokes for my girls (Maizie, Sayo, Sim and Cass) cause they could sue me for emotional distress every day but they don’t and I call that friendship:)

Word count: 2,445

Nesta felt like she could close her eyes and never wake up again. Ezra and Cal were playing in the back seats of the car, screaming about fantastic animals and people with bat wings, fighting an evil king over some weird pan, but she wasn't paying that much attention.

It had only been two weeks since she had returned to work after Andra's birth, and although she no longer had any kind of physical pain that she could justify with her pregnancy, every now and then she felt as if her whole body was being crushed under a press, repeatedly, until not a single intact bone remained under her skin. And today had not been a light day.

Her boss had sent her so many manuscripts from authors who had explicitly asked for her, and she hadn't managed to finish a single one, when in normal circumstances - where she could sleep for more than four hours straight - she would have read at least two and started editing one.

But being a full-time mother of five young children and working in a publishing house was too much even for her sometimes.

She sighed with relief when she turned right and saw the house in that familiar light yellow. She couldn't wait to leave her two sons with the neighbour for a few hours and enjoy the evening with her husband and her little girl. She couldn't wait to lie down on the couch and sleep for a few minutes while she fed Andra and let Cassian take care of dinner.

The other two girls were at Gwyn's house, who, with all the recommendations and prodding Nesta had given her, had kicked her out of her house yelling not to come back until eleven the next morning. The new mother had stood motionless for a few seconds, blinking at the door they'd just slammed in her face, and then giggled when she'd heard Azriel ask his daughters and hers what they wanted to do first - whether to put on nail polish or play "assassins".

That game wasn't exactly the mothers' favourite, but whenever the three brothers got together on the weekends, all the families ended up picking up one of the fake guns that fired rubber bullets and it was war. Countless times one of the fathers or uncles had hit one of the children in the eye before Lucien hit Dara and Elain decided that if they wanted to continue playing that game, they would all have to wear goggles.

Now, at her front door, she waited for her sons to reach the one at Drakon's house, and as soon as the man waved at her and her children blew flying kisses as they entered the older couple's home, she flopped against the door, closing her eyes.

She sighed again, bringing a hand to her face.

Nesta was so tired that she was seriously considering breastfeeding Andra and then going straight to bed. Cassian would be more than capable of picking up Ezra and Cal later and putting the youngest to sleep. He didn't need her that night.

She slipped the keys into the lock and taking a deep breath entered the house, finding it strangely quiet. She immediately thought that her husband must have taken Andra out for some air because there was absolutely no way that the two of them were here and not singing or dancing together or playing with one of the billions of toys she was given by friends and family. She slipped off her shoes and jacket, setting her computer and bag down on the cabinet in the doorway and smiled.

Cassian had been so patient lately. Much more than usual.

The labour had been long and painful, the delivery excruciating, and Nesta had never been more scared than when the doctors had pulled Andra out and the baby hadn't cried. But they were all fine now. Both she and their last child were alive and breathing and Nesta couldn't have asked for more.

She walked into the living room dragging her feet on the floor, wanting only to lie down and sleep until she had to breastfeed. She groaned thinking she couldn't even take off her bra or she'd stain another shirt with milk, but stopped as soon as she could see over the couch back, in front of one of the scenes Nesta would never tire of.

Cassian's massive muscular body, sprawled out on the cushions taking up every inch of free space on the couch, was dressed in black sweatpants and a simple white shirt that left her husband's tattoos and thick arms on full view, just as big and wide as the little pink and purple bundle curled up on his chest.

A smile broke out on Nesta's lips as she brought a hand to her throat.

Andra's legs were folded under her and one of Cassian's hands against her tiny bottom held her in place while the other was resting gracefully on her back. Back that rose and fell slowly, in time with the rhythm of her father's breathing.

Cassian's hands covered the girl's body almost entirely and Nesta couldn't help but think how relaxed and protected Andra must be feeling, her face so calm and her features drooping as her eyelids flickered. She knew very well what it felt like to lie on the man's chest while he rubbed your back to put you to sleep. Nesta had had the best dreams on that chest.

They looked so at peace.

She shifted her gaze to Cassian's face and felt a completely different emotion take over, but no less important, no less intense. She walked over to them, crouching down beside the couch and getting down on her knees right in front of them.

His dark lashes grazed the skin on his cheekbones and for the millionth time she felt jealous of how thick and dusky they were. Elegant and beautiful. She laid her head on the armrest, careful not to touch his shoulder, and reached out a hand towards Cassian, moving his hair away from his face and brushing the crinkled skin between his eyebrows. His forehead relaxed and he let out a sigh in his sleep, pushing his head against that touch involuntarily.

Nesta smiled again, admiring the beauty in those features, the line of his nose, the contour of his eyes, that pronounced jawline, until her gaze ended on the full red lips of the man who was sleeping so blissfully that he hadn't even realized someone had entered the house.

Nesta's hand moved lower, cupping his cheek, and she moved her thumb to graze his lower lip. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to feel him close. She wanted to taste him.

His lips twitched, as if acknowledging her touch, but he did not wake. She held her breath, feeling the heat pool in her lower stomach, and withdrew her hand slowly. She couldn't think about those things now.

She was tired and Cassian was exhausted, she could tell by how deeply he was sleeping, and he wasn't going to let their first time since Andra's birth be on a night when neither of them would fully appreciate it.

After what had happened with Celia, after she had been pregnant so soon after Nora, they didn't fancy having another child in the immediate future, and Andra's birth had put a fear into her that she had never felt before with her previous children. That was why Cassian had limited himself to using his hands and mouth, why Nesta had done the same.

She shifted her gaze to Andra and her smile doubled. She reached out her hand towards her, but didn't even have time to brush her face when Cassian sprang to his seat, taking the girl with him and bumping into Nesta's arm. He was on his feet in a second as he clutched Andra, who had burst into tears from her sudden awakening, to his chest. The little girl's piercing scream made them both flinch, but they knew she had only been startled by the sudden movement.

When Cassian lowered his gaze to her, who sat with a furrowed brow and her arm still outstretched in the air, he let go of a breath, closing his eyes and moving his hands to settle Andra against him, "God, Nesta," he sighed, laying a hand on Andra's head and beginning to cradle her, then gave an amused dry chuckle, "you scared me."

Nesta pulled herself up in turn, smiling, "Sorry, not my intention."

"Maybe next time don't stand so close to my face," he laughed, his eyes full of sleep but still glowing. Andra screamed again, squirming in his arms, Cassian grimaced. "I thought you were a robber or something."

Nesta shook her head as she moved closer to the two and he took a step in turn, leaning in when they were close enough. He smiled at her, "Hello, sweetheart," he closed his eyes lowering himself more and leaving a light kiss on her lips. Andra moved so much that Nesta felt the little one's head slam against her chest and they broke away chuckling. "I think she's hungry," then he looked to the wall, squinting to read the time on the big clock there. He opened his eyes wide, "We slept for four hours," then looked at her, mouthing a what the fuck.

Nesta snickered, wrapping her hands around her little girl's delicate, slender torso and feeling a sudden surge of affection when finally Andra's clear, huge eyes - full of tears - looked up at her and the crying suddenly stopped. Nesta pushed her nose against the little one's, "Why hello, beautiful creature."

Andra cooed, bringing her small hands to Nesta's cheeks and slapping her gently. She brought her against her side and looked at Cassian, ready to ask him when and how much she'd eaten last time, but the look on his face stopped the words in her throat.

He was smiling weakly at her, the weariness now much clearer in the features around his eyes, his mouth, but he was smiling as if he had never seen anything more beautiful in the world, "This is my favourite time of the day." he whispered softly, bringing a hand to his daughter's head and leaning down to kiss her forehead.

Nesta didn't know if she could still blame the hormones for the strong emotion that hit her, but she knew she didn't want to cry and said the first thing that came to her mind, "Just because I take my bra off and you can see my boobs."

Cassian threw his head back and burst out laughing, startling the little one in her arms, but Nesta smiled at her, giving her kisses on the cheeks as she relaxed again.

"You're right," he breathed and one corner of his mouth curled, "and it's because I don't see them enough."

Nesta snorted through her nose, "What are you talking about?"

"It's true, I don't see them enough. I miss them." he pouted, pushing her back to the couch and heading for the door. He looked over her shoulder, "Shall I fetch your nursing pillow?"

"Yes, thank you." nodded Nesta sitting down with her legs crossed, "And you see them at least twice a day!" she shouted so he could hear her.

"Exactly! Not enough." he shouted back, eliciting a laugh from her.

He adjusted Andra so that she was lying on her lap and began to unbutton her blouse just as Cassian walked back into the living room. He smiled mischievously at her as she lifted Andra up and he adjusted the pillow around her hips.

He sat down next to her and stretched his legs out, putting his feet up on the coffee table as Nesta unhooked the cup of her bra and set aside the breast pad. Andra's head slammed so hard against her breast that Nesta grunted in pain and hissed as the baby began to pull almost fiercely.

"God Cass," she murmured, adjusting Andra's position better so she wouldn't choke, "You starved her." she turned to him with a worried look and furrowed brows.

Cassian looked just as concerned, "She didn't wake up and I didn't think she was hungry." he scratched his head as he turned on the television and turned the volume down to minimum so as not to disturb Andra. She was never going to fall asleep after all those hours of napping, but they could always try and by now it had become a habit to watch TV without volume.

"It's okay," she said, grunting at him when Andra clamped her gums around his nipple, "It's just that she's never been this... aggressive."

He shrugged, "Maybe she's teething?"

Nesta blinked, "When you ask these questions I wonder if you're really the father of four other children or if you've just been pretending to be here for the last ten years," she murmured, "She's three months old, honey, she can't be teething."

Cassian looked at her smiling, put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her towards him, "Sorry, Miss baby teeth expert." then he looked at Andra and his gaze softened. He sighed and his chest vibrated against Nesta as he chuckled softly.

"What?"

"It's just that she's so beautiful," he whispered.

Nesta couldn't help herself, "Are you talking about my boob?"

Another hearty laugh, then Cassian turned to her again, looking into her eyes and placing a hand on her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb, "You're beautiful too."

"Thank you, you look pretty good too," she murmured to him, shifting her gaze to his lips. Lips that opened in a brilliant smile and closed on hers seconds later.

When they both had to pull away for air, Nesta was panting and Cassian looked more than satisfied to see that her cheeks were flushed. He left a quick kiss on her forehead and then the hand that was on her face slid down and perhaps Cassian didn't realise it, but he brushed her still covered breast with his fingertips and a jolt of excitement went through her entire body.

He placed his hand on hers, which was caressing little Andra's back in circular motions, and stayed there for the rest of the evening, until Nesta's belly began to grumble and he had to get up to cook dinner.

They put Andra to sleep immediately after eating and settled back on the couch, cuddling until sleep claimed them both as Nesta took the place that had been her daughter's until a few hours ago on his chest.

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#TSOU #TSOU nessian fic #the seven of us #nesta archeron #cassian #nessian fic #nessian child #nessian children #nesta x cassian #acosf #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acotar fic #nessian fluff

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make-me-imagine · 3 years

Text

Red Roses: “I Love You” - Clint Barton Ending

Valentines Special: Day Nine

Day One: Morning Glories // Day Two: Blue Salvias Day Three: Sunflowers // Day Four: Pink Camellias Day Five: Yellow Tulips // Day Six: Violets Day Seven: Lisianthus // Day Eight: Daffodils (Post with rest of the character endings)

Plot: It’s finally Valentines Day, the day the reader will finally learn who it is that had been leaving them flowers and notes expressing their secret feelings.

Pairing: Gen!Neutral Reader x Clint Barton

Triggers: Mention of gunfire/violence (very brief)

Words: 1,678

Requested Taglist: @aquariuslavenderhoney, @thebookbakery, @fablesrose, @kitkatd7, @thefallenbibliophilequote, @beksib, @destynelseclipsa, @criminaly-supernatural, @tammythompson-singslikea-muppet, @belloangelus, @snarky--starky, @saintbootlegloras, @wecallhimbrowneyess, @empath-bunny, @okkulta, @katinthemoon, @ravennight41, @youcancallme-rae , @radhumandragonclam, @unfortunateidiotinadilemma, @past3l-w1ngs , @goinggoinggonzo, @mxxnmocha, @theofficialzivadavid, @fred-deeks-ben

February 14th

You ducked down behind the car as one of the assailants fired his gun at you, peaking out after hearing a grunt followed by a thud, you see him lying on the ground, stun-arrow stuck to his back. Your eyes dart to where the arrow came from as Clint and Natasha came out of the building.

“Took you guys long enough!” you yelled as you threw a stun grenade into the building where you heard men coming from to chase after you “What happened you get lost?” you quipped as you all began running back to the car.

“Whats your hurry, got somewhere to go?” Clint asked eyeing you with a smile as you all jumped into the cars.

“Maybe I do, what’s it matter to you?” you asked as you caught the hard drive Natasha tossed you. Unseen by you, Natasha and Clint shared an amused look as you all caught your breath.

You had suddenly been sent on this mission this morning when you found out that two home-terror groups were sharing dangerous information and SHIELD secrets. Finding out about a drop of the hard drive you were sent to retrieve it.

“I never knew you to be interested in any of Tony’s parties.” Natasha said.

“I’m not” you replied simply as you plugged the hard drive into a computer.

“Why not? Should be fun.” Clint said.

You remained silent as you began hacking the hard drive, ignoring Clint’s comment, but unable to ignore the heavy beating of your heart.

After getting back to the SHIELD office you were heading back to the tower, Natasha fell into step beside you “So, are you excited about tonight?”

You glanced at her quickly “I don’t know.” you said truthfully. You had told her about what tonight would bring, the truth about your admirer. You hadn’t told Clint, because, well, you wanted it to be him more than any of the others, and you were afraid that talking to him about it, would make it too obvious, or maybe he would be to obvious about it not being him.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine” she said, as if to console you.

Entering into the tower, you see various Valentines decorations littering the front entrance all the way to the elevator. You and Natasha stopped as you looked around, none of it had been there when you left. Feeling a presence behind you, you realized Clint had entered.

“Wow. Looks like Cupid threw up in here.” he joked before brushing past you.

You and Natasha smiled as you followed behind him, all three of you had to rush to get ready, the party was starting in about an hour and you were sure you all looked like hell after having a firefight.

- - -

After quickly taking a shower, and getting ready, you sat on the edge of your bed as you slipped on your shoes. Taking the silent moment to really think about what might happen in the coming evening.

You tried your best to be accepting of the fact that it could be any of the others who might confess to you tonight, and you tried convincing yourself that you would be alright with it being any of them. And in a way you were.

But, thinking more about it being Clint, made you feel more excited and hopeful that it being any of the others. And thinking about it, not, being Clint, made you the most disappointed. You had known each other for years, he is the reason you became an Avenger in the first place. He knows almost everything about you, and you about him. He makes you comfortable, he makes you smile, laugh, and he makes you feel safe.

Looking over at your desk, your eyes land on a series of photo booth photos of you and Clint you had pinned up. You went undercover as a couple once a few years back and took them. It ended up being one of the funnest nights of your life, even through the spying and fighting. He had a matching set of photos tucked away also, his favorite of them all, torn off and placed safely in his wallet. But this, you didn’t know.

Checking the clock, you take a breath as you stood and left your room, the party had begun. Once you got to the party you were a bit intimidated with how many people had already shown up. ‘How many people did Tony invite?’ you thought to yourself as you scanned the room.

You jumped slightly when an arm slipped through your own. Looking over you see Natasha by your side as she looked around the room too “I don’t even know who have of these people are. And that’s impressive for being a spy.” You smiled at her comment, feeling comforted by her presence as you both walked further into the room.

The first hour of the party seemed to go by quickly as you spent most of it greeting and chatting with some of the guests, per Tony’s request. Walking away from a particularly perverse man, you rolled your eyes as you walked into the other room, someone falling into step beside you.

“Someone certainly pissed you off.”

You turned to look at Clint with a look of disdain “If I had to hear one more suggestion about what would make my superhero costume look “better” I was going to deck him.”

Clint snorted as he took a sip of his drink before setting it on an empty tray in a waiters hand. Reaching out his hand he looked at you “Dance?”

You looked from him and into the crowded room of slow-dancers, you hesitated “Ehh, I don’t know, you know I’m not much of a-”

“Oh come on” he smiled as he took your hand in his and all but dragged you further into the room. As he brought your intertwined hands up, and set his other on your waist he smiled at you as you began to move with the music “You’re a great dancer. And I say that as the guy who taught you in the first place.”

You smiled at the reference back to an undercover mission you had been on, that involved going to very rich man’s party. “Now you’re just trying to boost your own ego. As if I didn’t crush your toes more than a few times.”

“Hey, I got over it, and you got better.”

“We’ll see, it has been a while.”

“You’re doing fine.” He said honestly with a small smile that made your heart pound.

You chatted through the rest of the song, and as the next started Clint paused as he looked around “I have something for you.”

Queue the rapid beating heart again “What?” you asked.

Reaching into his suit pocket, carefully, he pulled out a single, delicate, half-bloomed rose. You froze as you stared down at it as he handed it to you. You stared at in in surprise before you glimpsed up at him, your eyes briefly scanning the people behind him, noting that they were all preoccupied with their partners.

“Clint, this is...”

“A confession.” he finished.

You met his eyes “So it was you the whole time?”

He smiled while gesturing his head “Yeah well, I guess I just couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with my best friend.”

If your heart could beat so hard out of your chest, this was the moment. “What?” you almost whispered out.

He took a small step closer so that your faces were mere inches apart as he brought up his hand to gentle brush the side of your face “I’m saying I love you Y/n. Have for quite a while actually.”

Unable to stop yourself you all but leaped forward and you wrapped your arms around his neck in a tight embrace making him chuckle as he wrapped his arms around you. He spoke into your ear “I’m hoping this is a good reaction.”

You pulled away with a laugh “Yes it is Clint. I- “ you hesitated, out of fear and excitement before whispering out “I love you too.”

Clint grinned at your words before he cupped your face in his hands and pulled you into a kiss. Both of you smiled into the kiss before pulling away. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a hell of a long time.”

Your smile continued to beam at him as he said this, before he reached out and pulled you closer, his hand intertwined in your again. Leaning in, you kissed again before pulling away as he began to sway your bodies again in time with the music “Natasha knew didn’t she?” you asked, thinking back on all the times you and her had talked about it.

“How could she not? Besides, she helped me deliver them on a few occasions.” he smirked making you smile and shake your head as you thought back to that day in the gym.

“So why the flowers and the notes? I knew you were a romantic, but even for you this is a bit...dramatic, not to mention patient.”

He chuckled “Oh trust me, there were times I almost gave in and just told you. But, I heard you talking to some of the others about Valentines a while back, you know when you guys were laughing about how they put all that Valentines stuff in stores two months before? And I heard you mention that you’ve never really had a Valentine before, so I thought, hey what the hell, I’ll be your Valentine.” he finished with a cheesy smile that made you giggle.

“Well.” you paused “I couldn’t have asked for a better Valentine that you.”

He smiled fondly at you before pressing a kiss to your forehead. Moving to rest your head against his shoulder he pressed a kiss to the side of your temple as you continued to dance. Both of you unaware of the grinning and giggling Natasha and Wanda watching from the corner of the room.

xx xx xx xx xx

If you liked it, please consider reblogging and checking out the rest of the endings!~ :)

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sxveme-2 · 3 years

Text

blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Edited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter Eighteen: The One With the His Job

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 3054

He told her there was a danger with him. That there was always going to be a threat. He warned her what could possibly come if they went further. But neither cared. Neither wanted to stop. There were such strong feelings between the two that if they stopped, Lily would be left with something missing in her life. She didn't want to let him go, despite being hesitant to let him in. He created this new feeling of safety for Lily, yet here they sat. She knew what her parents were doing. It was recorded in studies that the Winter Soldier was unlocked through a series of Russian words, triggers that would set off the chemicals in his brain.

And for the first time, Lily felt scared around Bucky Barnes. But it didn't last long.

With his eyes squeezed tight, Bucky made his way towards Lily and Hunter. Fluttering those steel-blue eyes, Bucky looked at Lily, and she knew he was still there. He turned his back to the two, blocking the view of Lily's family. And he spoke, cool, calm, and collected.

"For two of the smartest scientists, you don't do a lot of research," Bucky began, "I don't work like that anymore. Now in about two minutes Captain America and the Falcon are going to walk through those doors. Do us all a favour, and just sit. And wait."

The clicking of a gun made Lily's heart stutter. It came from one of the three Osbornes. She whispered a quiet prayer, despite her lack of religious beliefs, and tugged the young boy closer to her. Her breathing was rapid and tears brimmed at the mossy iris of her eyes, creating a glass-like effect. It made her look like a real doll, just as Bucky called her. A small shuttering breath escaped her lips as she pressed a kiss to the soft tufts of blonde on Hunter’s head. If anything, she just wanted to shield Hunter from all of this. With what he had been through at such a young age already, Lily felt her heartbreak at the idea of him having to witness the events that would follow.

"Lily go to the car," Bucky whispered, glancing over his shoulder, "Please."

She didn't hesitate. Most people she was sure would try and stay and help, but Lily would be damned if she had Hunter stay in this cafe for a second longer. Without skipping a beat, the blonde tugged her son away from the booth and darted with him towards the car they had brought here that morning, rushing him into the back. The moment the doors closed, both Lily and Hunter let out a breath of relief. Leaning her head forward, Lily placed it on the top of her steering wheel, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall as everything began to settle in.

The sound of her phone ringing made every hair on her body stand on edge.

Glancing up, Lily sniffled while answering through her car. It was Rose. And dear God was the elder sister glad to hear from her. But nervous at the same time. She wasn't sure if Rose knew about what was happening, she could only assume so, seeing as the younger sister had been in the cafe not too long ago with Lily's best friend.

"Lily! Thank god you answered are you okay?" Rose's panicked voice quivered as it rang through her speakers, "Do you have Hunter? Please tell me you have Hunter?"

"Yeah, yeah Rose I've got Hunter. We're okay. We're in the car." Lily responded, her own voice barely above a whisper, "Are you and Gen okay?"

"Yeah...yeah, we're at Gen's apartment. I tried to take Hunter, I tried. But they...they ju- "

"Rose stop. It's okay...listen I'm with Hunter right now I'll call you back. Make sure Gen's okay, and just stay there." Lily finished, "I love you." and with that, the blonde ended the call, turning her attention to the clear shell-shocked boy that was sitting in the back seat.

"Mom is Bucky gonna hurt grandma, grandpa, and uncle Cedar?" his voice whispered, shaking and cracking halfway through.

Lily felt a ton of bricks smash against her chest. She herself didn't even know the answer to that. She trusted Bucky, yes. But this was also his job. To take down the people who do these sorts of things. Bring them to justice, by whatever means needed. And a part of her knew that there was a possibility she could lose her parents and brother within the next few minutes, but the other half of her knew that Bucky wouldn't. She felt deep inside that if it came down to it, he would let them live and be brought to legal task instead of violence. But Lily didn't know...but she couldn't leave Hunter hanging. If she did that, then he'd know her own thoughts on the matter. And it wouldn't help either case.

"No." she stated, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "No I don't think Bucky will."

And she was right.

Not too long later, the doors to the cafe swung open after the police screamed down the street. Lily watched with pain in her eyes as her parents, unscathed with a mere bruise or two were walked from the building, Bucky, Steve, and Sam following close behind. No one looked injured or hurt, and a sigh of relief escaped from Lily. Bucky glanced over at the car and excused himself from the trio, jogging towards the car. Lily watched as he opened the passenger side door, sliding in.

"Hey, Hunt buddy," Bucky whispered, shifting to turn.

"Hi, Bucky." Hunter returned, a sense of relaxation in his tone after seeing that no one had been injured, "Is everything okay now?"

Bucky's eyes met Lily's, and the two shared a moment of silence before he began to speak once again, "Yeah. Everything's okay now buddy."

-----

"How're you feeling, hun?" Lily whispered as she took a seat on Hunter's bed after tucking him in for the night, "Lots happened today. Is there anything you wanna talk about?"

"Why'd they do it?" the boy whispered, looking up at his mother, "Why did they do it, mom, I don't get it."

Lily let out a soft sigh, running a hand across the boy’s forehead, "I don't know bud. I don't. I wish I had an answer for you. Bucky's taking care of it. anything you need to know I'll tell you, okay? I promise." the blonde hummed, reaching her pointer finger out.

Hunter nodded and wrapped his smaller finger around hers. Pressing a kiss to the boy’s forehead, Lily stood from the bed. Flicking off the lights, she smiled gently at Hunter curling under his blankets before she shut the door to his bedroom. Digging the heels of her hands into her eyes, Lily walked down the stairs where Bucky, Sam and Rose were sitting in her living room. She smiled gently when they looked up at her before she took a seat next to Bucky on the couch.

"So this is a daily thing with you guys, hm?" Rose asked, sipping her water, "Like what do you guys do when people aren't trying to blow up the city or take over the world?"

The room fell silent except for the late-night news playing in the background. Bucky and Sam looked at each other with frazzled expressions as though they didn't even know what they did when there wasn't an imminent threat to the city or the world. Lily couldn't help but laugh at that fact. Out of the four of them, she lived the most basic and mundane life. Rose was a world-famous stylist and designer, Bucky and Sam were superheroes. Lily was just a children's doctor living in suburban Manhattan with a family and a dog. The other three had travelled all over the world, and Lily hadn't. So learning what these fantastic people did in their free time did seriously intrigue the girl.

"Yeah I mean there aren't always people trying to take over the world," Lily continued, sipping her glass of wine, "Do you like...go bowling?"

Bucky let out a laugh, his head rolling backwards, "Bowling? I guess so, I mean there is an alley in the compound. But we mostly just hang out at our own places really. Wait for the next mission. I help at the retirement home, Sam hosts a veteran support group. Steve never stops working." the man hummed, his arm draping across Lily's shoulders.

"Speaking of bowling," Lily sighed, readjusting herself, "Hunter's birthday is next week and I still have no idea what to do. He's getting older and it's harder to come up with ideas."

"How do we go from talking about Bucky and Sam being literal superheroes to Hunter's birthday," Rose chuckled, "But I'm not sure Lil. Maybe take them bowling I guess."

"Or bring him and a few of the kid’s friends by the compound," Sam suggested, "If the kid’s friends are anything like Hunter, I'm sure they'd love it. Run a watered-down version of a training thing to be an Avenger."

"I'd love that Sam thank you. I just want to give him something to take his mind off of everything going on." Lily shrugged, leaning further into Bucky.

-----

November seventh. The faithful day that Lily welcome her baby boy into the world around her. Into her arms, into the life of New York. Despite her not wanting kids for quite some time, she wouldn't take back having Hunter. She just wished he was the son of someone better. For his father was the person Lily wouldn't even wish upon her worst enemy. Every year since Hunter was born, Lily wanted to make his birthday special. She'd pull out all of the stops if it meant seeing her boy smile brighter than she ever had before. And in the times they were experiencing now, she knew he needed it, as did she, more than ever.

"So how do you know the avengers?" One of the kid’s parents, Jill, asked as everyone unloaded from the cars when they arrived at the compound, "Because Hunter's story seems a bit far-fetched, hun."

Lily sighed and rested her hand on her son’s shoulder and looked over at the woman, "What did he tell you, Jill?"

"That his mommy's seeing the Winter Soldier." the woman hummed, placing her own hand on her son’s shoulder, "Sounds like a fantasy."

"Fantasies can come true." A deep voice hummed. Lily couldn't help but grin at the feeling of a metal arm wrapping around her waist. Bucky. The small group of parents went silent as the man pressed a kiss to Lily's temple, "And only seeing? Here I was hoping we could refer to it as something a little bit more, doll." he teased, earning an elbow from Lily.

Lily felt her face heat up and her breathing catch in her throat. As much as she wanted to rub all of this in Jill's face, she still had that massive bundle of nerves inside of her that held her back. All of the parents here weren't exactly Lily's friends. She knew them from the PTA at Hunter's school and a few from her neighbourhood, and they were all very much those cliche suburban moms that would be seen in movies. Stuck up, believed themselves to be perfect with the perfect children. And Lily quite liked their children, but the mothers? Ugh, Lily couldn't stand them. However, they were insistent on joining the kids for the tour.

"Nice to see you finally have a man in your life," One of the other moms, Gina, hummed as the group began to walk towards the compound, "And a strong father figure for Hunter."

Lily glanced to the side, scoffing at her remarks, "I'm both Hunter's mother and father. And I don't need a man, Gina, I've raised Hunter alone his whole life essentially." she muttered, resting a hand on Bucky's arm to relax the tension.

Ever since the night Cedar attempted to break into Scott's apartment, something inside of Lily grew. A new side of her, she supposed. Growth, almost. A part of her knew that if she were able to stand up to Scott, the man who had destroyed any ounce of confidence she had throughout their relationship, who were Gina and Jill to hold her back. Of course, there was only a certain extent she would go to, for she was still nervous to even speak to people most of the time.

"Welcome to the Avengers compound!" Tony boomed as the doors opened for everyone to walk in, "If you'd like to join the little kiddos on the tour Just keep to the left here with Mr. Sam Wilson, aka the Falcon. and if parents would like a few drinks, follow me, towards the lounge."

A few of the parents joined the group of kids as they wandered down the hall. Hunter waved goodbye to Lily as she and the other parents made their way towards where Tony Stark was leading them. The small group of mothers and fathers whispered as Bucky tightened his grip on Lily's waist. The last thing Lily actually wanted to do was spend time with these parents, however, she was willing to sacrifice her sanity for a few hours if it meant giving Hunter the best day ever.

"Alright, Cyborg go help Nat bring out the refreshments while I get these people situated, hm?" Tony teased, patting Bucky's flesh arm, "Lily come, help me entertain your friends."

When Bucky's arm left Lily's waist, Tony took over by looping his arm with hers. Lily raised her eyebrow at the man as he took her over towards the rest of the group, sitting next to her on one of the couches. Lily gave the billionaire a quizzical look but he just nodded, as if telling her to simply go along with it. Lily and Tony had only spoken a handful of times, but he seemed fairly persistent about letting Bucky go get the things from the kitchen.

"So Lily," one of the fathers, Thomas, started, "it's really nice to see you get back out into the field. Not even just romantically, socially too. Maybe you'll actually come to the PTA group date nights, with someone other than Genevive." he chuckled, leaning backwards on his seat.

"She wouldn't attend anyway, Tommy. Lily isn't one for fun." Jill chuckled, crossing her legs, "What is it you do, Lily? Stay at home with your dog and kid. Come on, no one wants to see their kid that often. The only time I see you out is with Joey!" the woman continued, shaking her head.

Despite it being somewhat truthful, the woman's words stung a bit. Lily knew she didn't go out often and never really tried to connect with everyone around her. The only time she really did was when she was essentially forced, and she figured that's why Jill figured to go for a sensitive part in Lily's life. But then again, Jill was also a two-faced gossip who could never stay out of other people's business. Lily seemed to be her favourite topic of discussion, and her favourite to pick on. The blonde felt as though she were back in high school, or hell, even middle school. Jill was always going after Lily's insecurities, as though she could see right through her. It terrified the young mother, but Lily knew how much Hunter loved Jill's son. So she went through with it and sucked it up so her son could enjoy himself.

"Interesting comment...uh what was your name?" Tony commented, leaning forward slightly.

"Jill. Jill Reinhart." the redhead hummed, tilting her head to the side.

"Right. Jen, so like I was saying. Interesting comment. Lily here is actually quite in tune with fun. She attended a party I threw not too long ago and was an absolute hoot." Tony chuckled, squeezing the blonde’s shoulder, "And just because she actually enjoys spending time with her kid, who is a saint, doesn't mean she's any less fun. So."

The room fell silent. Lily looked over at the man with wide eyes as she took in what he had said. Jill always managed to find that soft spot, but Tony was quick to the jump. She figured this was why he had sent Bucky off, so he could deal with the clear teenage drama that was taking place inside of a group of adults. It probably didn't help Lily was the youngest of the entire group and was clearly the most vulnerable.

"W-well I was just- "

"No, jenny I really don't wanna hear it. Ah! here come Nat and Bucky with refreshments." Tony hummed, wiggling his eyebrows at the blonde before taking a seat next to nat as she sat down.

"you alright doll?" Bucky hummed as he walked over, reaching his hand out, "Mind joining me in the kitchen for a quick second?" he continued.

Lily nodded and took the man’s hand, standing from the couch. She glanced over her shoulder to see Jill sitting there with an absolutely shocked face. Lily smiled gently to herself as Bucky tugged her out of the lounge and into the hallway. A giggle escaped both of their lips as he spun her into his arms, leaning her up against one of the walls just outside of the kitchen. shaking her head, Lily wrapped her other hand into the man’s hair, enjoying the soft feeling of the dark tresses. He hummed softly, before bending down and pecking her lips.

"I was about ready to absolutely rip a new one off of that woman." Bucky chuckled as he pulled away, resting his forehead against the shorter girls.

"Mmm, that's Jill. Just a PTA woman. A real handful." Lily cooed, letting out a deep breath, "Now what can I help you with?"

"Well..." Bucky hummed, leaning back gently, "I was just wondering...seeing as we may as well be. And I absolutely adore spending time with you and Hunter is the sweetest boy...Do we want to I don't know...make it official? Basically, what I'm asking, Lily Osborne, will you be my girlfriend?" he finished.

A new sense of fear settled deep within Lily's stomach.

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shawtygonemad · 3 years

Text

What Is This Feeling: Chapter 8

Fem!9th Doctor x Male!Rose Tyler

WITF Masterlist

The Doctor was in and out of consciousness. That laser almost hurt as bad as regenerating. She stayed silent. She didn't want to say anything that would make Van Statten blast her again. Suddenly a voice came over the intercom.

"Condition Red! Condition Red! I repeat, this is not a drill."

The Doctor lifted her head and made eye contact with Van Statten. Her voice was hoarse, but dead serious.

"Release me if you want to live."

He quickly followed her command and released the Time Lord. She had never gotten dressed that quickly in her life. Then again the entire world depended on it. Within minutes they were in Van Statten's office observing the cage from a flat screen on the wall. Ross was on said screen talking with them. The Doctor honestly couldn't be surprised.

"You've got to keep it in that cell," she told them.

"Doctor, it's all my fault," Ross spoke apologetically.

"I've sealed the compartment. It can't get out, that lock's got a billion combinations," the guard said.

"A Dalek's a genius. It can calculate a thousand billion combinations in one second flat."

The Doctor looked on as she was just proven right. The metal door slowly opened, and released the Dalek. The guard's started to do an open fire. Don't they know it won't work?!

"Ross, get out of there!" She commanded her companion.

Ross, the other girl, and the female guard managed to escape. The Dalek, however, was rolling itself towards the camera. Thus getting closer to the screen. It extended its plunger and broke the connection.

"We're losing power," Goddard gathered around the computer screen with Van Statten and the Doctor. "It's draining the base. Oh, my god. It's draining entire power supplies for the whole of Utah."

The trio was analyzing a holographic map of the United States. Utah blackened.

"It's downloading," the Doctor informed them.

"Downloading what?" Van Statten asked.

The whole West Coast blackened on the map.

"Sir, the entire West Coast has gone down," Goddard updated.

"It's not just energy. That Dalek just absorbed the entire internet. It knows everything," the Doctor stated.

Goddard started to pound away on the computer. "The cameras in the vault are down."

"We've only got emergency power. It's eaten everything else. You've got to kill it now!" The Doctor yelled.

Goddard spoke over the intercom. "All guards to converge in the Metaltron cage, immediately."

The three no longer had visual, but they still had audio. This was just as bad. They grimly heard the guards die one by one. They were soon all dead, and Van Statten couldn't care less. All he cared about was the stupid Dalek.

"This museum of yours, have you got any alien weapons," the Doctor asked.

"Lots of them, but the trouble is the Dalek's between us and them," Goddard explained.

"We've got to keep that thing alive. We could just seal the entire vault, trap it down there," Van Statten suggested.

"Leaving everyone trapped with it. Ross is down there. I won't let that happen. Have you got that?" She stared at the man with fire in her eyes. She then turned back to Goddard. "It's got to go through this area. What's that?" She pointed to an area on the screen.

"Weapon's testing."

"Give a gun to the technicians, the lawyers, anyone. Everyone. Only have one chance of killing it," she informed the assistant.

The Doctor sat down at the computer and began to attempt to get one of the screens to show visuals. After a few minutes the screen showed the loading bay. She practically whooped at her accomplishment.

"I thought you were a great expert, Doctor. If you're so impressive, then why not just reason with the Dalek? It must be willing to negotiate. There must be something it needs. Everything needs something," Van Statten question.

"What's the nearest town," the Doctor asked.

"Salt Lake City."

"Population?"

"One million."

"All dead. If the Dalek gets out, it'll murder every living creature. That's all it needs," the Doctor tried to explain to the stupid ape for what seemed like the thousandth time. He's turned out to be quite dense.

"But why would it do that?"

"Because it honestly believes they should die. Human beings are different, and anything different is wrong. It's the ultimate in racial cleansing, and you, Van Statten, you've let it loose! The Dalek's surrounded by a force field. The bullets are melting before they even hit home, but it's not indestructible," she tried to explain.

She turned from Van Statten and spoke to the screen. "If you concentrate your fire, you might get through. Aim for the dome, the head, the eyepiece. That's the weak spot," she told him.

Moments of anticipation passed. Soon Ross and the girl came running in, making most of them jump. They soon fled the battle area once again. It wasn't long after that the Dalek appeared.

The guards held open fire against the Dalek. None of the bullets affected it. The Dalek rose in the air and zapped the fire alarm. Water started to rain down from the sprinklers. Once the ground and metal beams were nice and wet, the Dalek zapped them. This caused the guards to all get electrocuted, and die.

The trio all stared at the screen in fallen silence. It didn't take long for Van Statten to start making an escape plan for himself. However, this needed to end. Now.

"You said we could seal the vault?" The Time Lord asked.

"It was designed to be a bunker in an event of a nuclear war. Steel bulkheads," the American confirmed.

"There's not enough power. Those bulkheads are massive," Goddard added.

"We've got emergency power. We can re-route that to the bulkhead doors," the Doctor told her.

"We'd have to bypass the security codes. That would take a computer genius."

"Good thing you've got me, then," Van Statten spoke as he sat down in front of the computer.

"You want to help," the Doctor was truly surprised at this.

"I don't want to die, Doctor. Simple as that. And nobody knows this software better than me."

Just then the large screen lit up with an image of the Dalek still in the rain.

"I shall speak on-ly to the doc-tor," it demanded.

"You're going to get rusty," the Doctor commented.

"I fed off the D-N-A of Ross Ty-ler. Ex-tra-po-la-ting the bi-o-mass of a time tra-ve-ler re-gen-er-at-ed me," it told the Doctor.

Her face was deadpan as she spoke, "What's your next trick?"

"I have been sear-ching for the Da-leks."

"Yeah, I saw. Downloading the internet. What did you find?"

"I scanned your sa-tell-ites and ra-di-o tel-e-scopes," it told the Doctor.

"And?"

"No-thing. Where should I get my or-ders now," it asked, almost sounding lost.

"All right, then. If you want orders, follow this one. Kill yourself," she told it honestly.

"Daleks must survive!" It shot back.

The Doctor could no longer take it. This foul creature was the reason she was forced to blow up her home planet, causing genocide for both races.

"The Daleks have failed! Why don't you just finish the job and make the Dalek's extinct. Rid the universe of your filth. Why don't you just die?!" She practically screamed at the creature.

There was a short pause before the machine spoke again. "You would make a good Da-lek."

Then the screen went to black. The Doctor's stomach dropped at the words. Her eyes were slightly widened as she stared at the black screen.

"Seal the vaults," she ordered quickly.

"Doctor, he's still down there," Goddard reminded the Doctor.

She quickly put a headset on, and called the number she knew by heart.

"This isn't the best time," Ross answered.

"Where are you," she asked.

"Level forty nine," he responded.

"You've got to keep moving. The vault's being sealed off at level forty six," she informed him.

"Can't you stop them closing?"

"I'm the one closing them. I can't wait, and I can't help you. Now for God's sake, Run!"

"Done it. We've got power to the bulkheads," Van Statten reported. Good news!

"The Dalek's right behind them," Goddard also reported in. Bad news!

"We're nearly there! Give us two seconds," Ross told the Doctor.

"Doctor, I can't sustain the power. The whole system is failing. Doctor, you've got to close the bulkheads," Van Statten said.

The Doctor was then left with an incredibly hard decision. Save her human, or let the entire human race get destroyed. No matter how much she wanted to wait for Ross. One race was already wiped out because of her. She was not going to let it happen a second time.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly as she hit the enter key, lowering the bulkheads.

Moments later, Van Statten spoke up.

"The vault is sealed."

The Doctor leapt up from her chair anxiously.

"Ross, where are you? Ross, did you make it?"

"Sorry, I was a bit slow," he sadly responded.

Her hearts stopped. Ross didn't make it. He was trapped out there because of her. Now the Dalek's going to catch up with him and she can't do anything.

"See you, then, Doctor."

'Oh God, he's saying his goodbyes!'

"It wasn't your fault. Remember that, okay? It wasn't your fault. And you know what? I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

In the background she could hear the Dalek's 'Exterminate', and the zap of its laser.

"I killed him," she said softly.

"I'm sorry," Van Statten apologized.

"I said I'd protect him. He was only here because of me, and you're sorry? I could've killed that Dalek in its cell, but you stopped me," she turned her self-hatred onto Van Statten.

"It was the prize of my collection!"

"YOUR COLLECTION!? But was it worth it? Worth all of those men's deaths? Worth Ross? Let me tell you something, Van Statten. Mankind goes into space to explore, to be part of something greater."

"Exactly! I wanted to touch the stars," he exclaimed.

"You just want to drag the stars down and stick them underground, underneath tons of sand and dirt, and label them. You're about as far from the stars as you can get," she paused in realization.

"And you took him down with you. He was nineteen years old."

Adele suddenly entered the office. The Doctor was quickly in her face, ready to release some more anger.

"You were quick on your feet, leaving Ross behind," she spat out.

"I'm not the one who sealed the vault," she yelled back.

The screen lit up with an image of the Dalek and a very much alive Ross.

"Op-en the bulk-heads or Ross Ty-ler dies," it demanded.

"You're alive!" The Doctor exclaimed excitedly. Oh was she so relieved.

"Can't get rid of me," he gave a small smile.

"I thought you were dead," the Doctor, almost tearfully, said.

"Op-en the bulk-head," the Dalek demanded once more.

"Don't do it," Ross yelled, attempting to be brave.

"What use are e-mo-tions if you will not save the man you love?" It asked.

It felt like time had slowed down.

'Love. Is that was this is? This confusing feeling I have for this pink and yellow human?'

No. It can't be love. How could a Gallifreyan possibly be in love with a human? They were two separate races! No. It just wouldn't work.

'Oh, my god. I'm falling in love with Ross Tyler,' she thought, horrified.

After her sudden epiphany, she looked at Van Statten.

"I killed him once. I can't do it again," she told him as she pressed the enter key once more.

The bulkhead opened. Ross and the Dalek made their way through.

"What do we do now, you bleeding heart! What the hell do we do," Van Statten yelled.

"Kill it when it gets here," Adele suggested.

"All the guns are useless, and the alien weapons are in the vault," Goddard stated, stressing out.

"Only the catalogued ones," Adele blurted.

Van Statten didn't look pleased. The Doctor shoved her towards the exit door.

"Lead me," she demanded.

Adele quickly took the Doctor down to her workshop. Once inside she showed the Time Lord the weapons. The Doctor went through the bin, tossing the useless items.

"Broken. Broken. Hairdryer."

"Mister Van Statten tends to dispose of his staff, and when he does he wipes their memory. I kept this stuff in case I needed to fight my way out one day," Adele explained.

"What, you in a fight," the Doctor scoffed. "I'd like to see that."

"I could do," she protested.

"What're you going to do? Throw your A-levels at 'em?" The Doctor grinned as she picked up a useful, and deadly, giant weapon. "Oh, yes. Lock and load."

Without second thought, the Doctor bolted out of Adele's workshop, and up the stairs. She was going to finally kill this thing and save the Earth. No, forget the Earth. She was going to save Ross.

Once the Doctor made it to level one she sprinted down the corridor. She stopped once she saw Ross with the Dalek. She didn't allow herself time to take in the situation. All she could feel was the adrenaline pumping in her veins, and the fury of her dead people. It was going to end, now! She held up the large gun, and aimed it at the Dalek

"Get out of the way." Ross just turned and stared at her. "Ross, get out of the way!"

"No. I won't let you do this," he protested.

"That thing killed hundreds of people," she said.

"It's not the one pointing the gun at me."

"I've got to do this. I've got to end it. The Daleks destroyed my home, my people. I've got nothing left."

"Look at it," he gestured to the squid-like creature inside the metal armor.

"What's it doing," she asked.

"It's the sunlight, that's all it wants."

"But it can't-"

"It couldn't kill Van Statten, it couldn't kill me. It's changing. What about you, Doctor? What the hell are you changing into," Ross asked.

Finally realizing what was going on, the Doctor lowered her gun.

"I couldn't- I wasn't- Oh, Ross. They're all dead," she said sadly.

"Why do we sur-vive," Dalek asked.

"I don't know," the Doctor frowned.

"I am the last of the Da-leks," it stated.

"You're not even that. Ross did more than regenerate you. You've absorbed his DNA. You're mutating."

"In-to what," it asked.

"Something new. I'm sorry," and she was.

"Isn't new better?" Ross asked.

` "Not for a Dalek," she replied.

"I can feel so ma-ny i-de-as," it spoke. "So much dark-ness. Ross, give me or-ders. Or-der me to die."

"I can't do that," Ross said quietly.

"This is not life. This is sick-ness. I shall not be like you. Or-der my des-tru-ction! O-bey! O-bey! O-bey!"

After a moment, Ross finally spoke up.

"Do it."

"Are you fright-ened, Ross Ty-ler?"

"Yeah," he answered.

"So am I… Ex-ter-min-ate."

Ross began to retreat to the Doctor's side, and out of harm's way. The Dalek closed up its armor, and began to hover. The balls on the Dalek detached themselves and surrounded it. The balls also formed a force field around it. The Dalek then imploded on itself. The Doctor nor Ross was harmed.

Once it was all over the Doctor dropped her gun. The pair instantly embraced one another and wouldn't let go. After a few moments the Doctor found her voice.

"I'm so sorry, Ross. For everything," she apologized.

"It's alright. You were upset," Ross soothed the alien. They pulled apart and Ross looked at the Doctor. "Tell me about it. The Time War."

So on their way back to the TARDIS, she told the tale of the Time War. Ross took all of the details surprisingly well. He seemed to understand.

Once back in the museum, the Doctor ran a hand over the TARDIS door.

"A little piece of home. Better than nothing," she said.

"Is that the end of it, the Time War?"

"I'm the only one left. I win. How about that," she gave a sad smile.

"The Dalek survived. Maybe some of your people did too," Ross suggested.

"I'd know. In here," she pointed to her head. "Feels like there's no one."

"Well then, good thing I'm not going anywhere," he grinned at her.

"Yeah," she smiled back.

The moment was short lived as Adele appeared with her bag in hand.

"We'd better get out. Van Statten's disappeared. They're closing down the base. Goddard says they're going to fill it full of cement, like it never existed."

"About time," Ross commented.

"I'll have to go back home," Adele said sadly.

"Better hurry up. Next flight to Heathrow leaves at fifteen hundred hours," the Doctor informed her.

"Adele was saying that all her life she wanted to see the stars," Ross said while giving the puppy dog eyes to the Doctor.

'Oh no! Not gonna happen.'

"Tell her to go and stand outside, then."

"She's all on her own, Doctor, and she did help."

"She left you down there," the Doctor accused.

"So did you." This shut her up.

"What are you talking about? We've got to leave," Adele asked confused.

"Plus, she's a bit pretty," the Doctor added.

"I hadn't noticed," he replied.

"On your head," she said regretfully as she unlocked the TARDIS and stepped in.

She walked over to the console and prepared for takeoff.

"What are you doing? She said cement. She wasn't joking. We're going to get sealed in. Doctor? What're you doing standing inside a box? Ross?"

"Oh, get in," the Doctor snapped.

This was going to be a long trip.

#romance #adventure #doctor who fanfic #doctor x rose #the doctor #doctor who fanfiction #doctor who #ninth doctor #bbc doctor who #doctor who imagine #genderbent #fem!9th doctor x male!rose tyler #fem!9th doctor #male!rose tyler #9th doctor x rose #9th doctor #rose tyler

6 notes · View notes

alystayr · 4 years

Text

Playlist musicale 2020 (1/2)

Liste des chansons (playlist 2020 - part. 1)

Mise à jour : 30 juin 2020

playlist 2020 (part.2), playlist 2020 (part. 1)

playlist 2019 (part.2), playlist 2019 (part. 1)

playlist 2018 (part. 2), playlist 2018 (part. 1)

playlist 2017 (part. 2), playlist 2017 (part. 1)

playlist 2016 (part. 2), playlist 2016 (part. 1)

playlist 2015

0-9 #

2Pac (Feat. Talent) - Changes (1998)

AC/DC - Who Made Who (1986)

Jeanne Added - Before The Sun (2018)

Aerosmith - Janie's Got A Gun (1989)

The Afghan Whigs - Debonair (1993)

Damon Albarn - Everyday Robots (2014)

Alice In Chains - Would? (1992)

Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies) (2004)

Archive - Bullets (2009)

Arno - Putain Putain (1983)

Asaf Avidan - Lost Horse (2020)

the B52’s - Rock Lobster (1979)

Axel Bauer - Eteins La Lumière (1990)

Bauhaus - She's In Parties (1983)

The Beach Boys - Darlin’ (1967)

Beck - Wow (2016)

Bénabar - Dis-lui oui (2003)

Louis Bertignac - C'est fini (2018)

Björk - Oceania (2004)

Neal Black & The Healers - Before daylight (2014)

The Black Crowes - Remedy (1992)

The Black Keys - Psychotic Girl (2008)

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Let the Day Begin (2013)

blink-182 - First Date (2001)

Blur - Out Of Time (2003)

David Bowie - Modern Love (1983)

Georges Brassens - La non-demande en mariage (1966)

The Breeders - Glorious (1990)

James Brown - Living in America (from Rocky IV) (1986)

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill (1985)

The Byrds - Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is A Season) (1965)

Cage The Elephant (Feat. Iggy Pop) - Broken Boy (2019)

Cake - Commissioning a Symphony in C (2001)

J.J. Cale - After Midnight (1972)

Cali - Elle M'a Dit (2003)

Johnny Cash (cover Merle Travis) - Sixteen Tons (1987)

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! (2008)

Ray Charles - Georgia On My Mind (1960)

Cigarettes After Sex - You're All I Want (2020)

CocoRosie - Restless (2020)

Leonard Cohen - Happens to the Heart (2019)

Coolio (feat. L.V.) - Gangsta's Paradise (from Dangerous Minds) (1995)

The Coral - The Operator (2005)

Creedence Clearwater Revival - I Heard It Through The Grapevine (1970)

The Crimea - Opposite Ends (2005)

Christine and the Queens - La vita nuova (2020)

Crosby, Stills & Nash - Long Time Gone (1969)

Death In Vegas - Hands Around My Throat (2002)

Deftones - Be Quiet And Drive (Far Away) (1997)

Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again (1987)

dEUS - Roses (1996)

Dirty Pretty Things - Gin and Milk (2006)

Dope Lemon - Hey You (2019)

Baxter Dury - Slumlord (2019)

Jacques Dutronc - L'opportuniste (1969)

Bob Dylan - False Prophet (2020)

Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (1984)

Eels - Blinking Lights (For Me) (2005)

Billie Eilish - No Time To Die (2020)

Electric Light Orchestra - Mr. Blue Sky (1977)

Eminem - Darkness (2020)

Eurythmics - Sexcrime (Nineteen Eighty-Four) (1984)

Faith No More - Falling to Pieces (1989)

Mylène Farmer - Ainsi Soit Je (1988)

Feu! Chatterton - La Malinche (2015)

Izo FitzRoy - Red Line (2020)

Foals - Neptune (2019)

Peter Gabriel - Red Rain (1986)

Serge Gainsbourg - Elisa (1969)

Liam Gallagher - Once (2019)

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. (2005)

Grand Corps Malade - Je Viens De Là (2008)

La Grande Sophie - Une vie (2019)

Green Day - Father of All... (2020)

Johnny Hallyday (cover The Animals) - Le Pénitencier (1964)

George Harrison - My Sweet Lord (1970)

Murray Head - One Night In Bangkok (1984)

Heartless Bastards - Hold Your Head High (2009)

Hole - Malibu (1998)

How to Destroy Angels - The Space in Between (2010)

IAM (feat. Kalash) - Eldorado (2019)

Idir - A vava inouva (1976)

Interpol - Everything Is Wrong (2014)

Izïa - Trop vite (2019)

Jack The Ripper - I was born a cancer (2005)

The Jesus And Mary Chain - Just Like Honey (1985)

Janis Joplin - Me And Bobby McGee (1971)

Joy Division - Decades (1980)

Gene Kelly - Singing In The Rain (1952)

The Kills - Tape Song (2008)

B.B. King - Sweet Little Angel (1956)

Eric Kinny (Feat. Danica Dora) - Last Goodbye (2019)

Mark Lanegan - Bleed All Over (2020)

Led Zeppelin - The Ocean (1973)

Life - Bum Hour (2019)

Limp Bizkit - Nookie (1999)

Little Richard Long Tall Sally (1955)

Lofofora - Les Gens (1999)

Emily Loizeau - Coconut Madam (2009)

Clara Luciani - La grenade (2018)

Stephen Malkmus - Shadowbanned (2020)

Manu - Entre deux eaux (2019)

Mesparrow - The Symphony (2013)

Metallica - Sad But True (1991)

Pat Metheny (cover The Beatles) - And I Love Her (2011/1964)

Joni Mitchell - Blue (1971)

Moloko - The Time Is Now (2000)

Barry Moore - The Tide (2019)

Morcheeba - Part of the Process (1998)

Ennio Morricone - Et pour quelques dollars de plus (1965)

Morrissey - The Truth About Ruth (2020)

Alison Mosshart - Rise (2020)

Jean-Louis Murat - Si je m'attendais / Troie (2020)

Muse - Time Is Running Out (2003)

Yael Naim - Daddy (2020)

Willie Nelson - On The Road Again (1980)

Nine Inch Nails - Every Day is Exactly the Same (2005)

Noir Désir - Joey Part I (1989)

Nothing But Thieves - Forever & Ever More (2018)

Natalia Nykiel - Volcano (2019)

Agnes Obel - The Curse (2013)

Ozzy Osbourne (Feat. Elton John) - Ordinary Man (2020)

Paz - Ta peau (2020)

Pearl Jam - Dance Of The Clairvoyants (2020)

Pierre Perret - Lily (1977)

Lucky Peterson (cover Prince) - Purple Rain (1997)

Tom Petty - Runnin’ Down A Dream (1989)

Pink Floyd - Young Lust (1979)

Pixies - Catfish Kate (2019)

Pomme - Je sais pas danser (2019)

Iggy Pop - Loves Missing (2019)

Popa Chubby - Life Is a Beatdown (2004)

Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock (1957)

Eddy de Pretto - Kid (2018)

Puscifer - The Green Valley (2011)

Queen - The Show Must Go On (1991)

R.E.M. - Man On The Moon (1992)

Radiohead - House of Cards (2007)

Rage Against The Machine - Testify (1999)

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Snow (Hey Oh) (2006)

Lou Reed - Vicious (1972)

Catherine Ringer & Iggy Pop (cover Screamin' Jay Hawkins) - I Put A Spell On You (2018/1956)

Rival Sons - Jordan (2012)

The Rolling Stones - Jumpin' Jack Flash (1968)

Saez - J'accuse (2010)

Santana (cover Tito Puente) - Oye Como Va (1956/1970)

Siouxsie And The Banshees - Happy House (1980)

Slipknot - Psychosocial (2008)

The Smashing Pumpkins - Rhinoceros (1991)

Patti Smith - Because the Night (1978)

The Smiths - Stretch out and Wait (1986)

Soan - Emily (2009)

MC Solaar - Nouveau Western (1994)

Alain Souchon - C'est déjà ça (1993)

Soundgarden - Outshined (1991)

Spoon - Can I Sit Next To You (2017)

Bruce Springsteen - Streets of Philadelphia (from Philadelphia) (1993)

Steelers Wheel - Stuck In The Middle With You (from Reservoir Dogs) (1992)

Sting - Fragile (1987)

Joss Stone - Right To Be Wrong (2004)

The Stranglers - Skin Deep (1984)

The Strokes - At The Door (2020)

System Of A Down - Forest (2001)

Tame Impala - Breathe Deeper (2020)

Têtes Raides - Le phare (1992)

Hubert-Félix Thiéfaine - La fille du coupeur de joints (2015/1978)

Tool - Vicarious (2006)

Tricky - Nothing’s Changed (2013)

The Twilight Singers - On The Corner (2011)

Twin Peaks - Making Breakfast (2014)

U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For (1987)

Stevie Ray Vaughan - Crossfire (1989)

Tom Waits - Gun Street Girl (1985)

Muddy Waters - Rolling Stone (Catfish Blues) (1950)

Roger Waters (cover Pïnk Floyd) - Mother (1979/2020)

Weezer - Hero (2020)

Erika Wennerstrom - Extraordinary Love (2018)

Jack White - Lazaretto (2014)

Emily Jane White - Washed Away (2019)

The White Stripes - The Denial Twist (2005)

Woodkid - Goliath (2020)

Neil Young - Down by the River (1969)

Hans Zimmer - S.T.A.Y. (Interstellar theme song) (2014)

#Listes #Musique #Playlist #2020 #Music #Rock #OST #Pop #Electro #Blues #Soundtrack

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sodascherrycola · 2 years

Text

#siblingsday pt.1

200,334 likes

sarahmae Back at home with my lil’ sis, just in time for #siblingsday

view all 1,503 comments

luxrose I MISSED YOU SO MUCH BITCH!!!!!

gunsfanxxo where was she?

fan220 she was in NY for fashion week and stayed there for a couple months so now she’s back home to visit ig

just_allie Okayyy, but those fucking bandanas are so cute!!!!

luxrose shout out shein bitches

730,452 likes

lizzie.ww What’s an older sister good for if she doesn’t take you drinking and laugh at you when you throw up? #siblingsday

view all 3,349 comments

ch4rlie damn you didn’t even show his spider man underwear... that’s unfortunate

ari.angel the crocks, the tiny ass bathroom, the underwear showing. how many shots did y’all take????!!!???

j0ey02 wayyyy to many

juliamckinell Elizabeth this isn’t funny, don’t do your baby brother like that

lizzie.ww it’s funny mom

ch4rlie yeah mom, have a sense of humour

juliamckinell I know it’s funny I just thought I’d play a good mom for the cameras, this is fucking hilarious 😭😭😭

j0ey02 MOM!

vinceneil it’s funny joey, even you know that LMFAO

taytay92 did dad just lmfao??? LMFAO WHAT?!?

170,454 likes

laurabongiovi Model off duty kinda looks w/ @romeobongiovi #siblingsday

view all 8,348 comments

defnot.lj Man needs to be on the cover of @vouge in those jeans GODAMN!

hollycarpenter not only do i have 2 babies following in my footsteps now i have a baby in training 🥰

will.jovi I’m never deleting this picture off my phone EVER 😭😭😭

jonbonjovi Send that to me right now, I’m showing this at his wedding

1ndonlyrome0 I’m gonna kill all of you and then steal your phones and delete this shit. Don’t think I won’t do it, cause I will.

800,452 likes

theycallme_quinn happy siblings day to my only sista, literally the cutest person on this planet! i’m glad to have fashion shows in my room still like we did when you were five, but now that you’re older and can fit in my clothes, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP STEALING THEM!!!!!

view all 1,560 comments

evie.444 NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mary.sixx Not Quinn acting like she doesn’t steal my clothes 🥱

theycallme_quinn ummm it’s vintage designer...of course i’m snatch that shit up, and for FREE alright 😌

mary.sixx DID THIS BITCH JUST CALL ME VINTAGE??????

nikkisixxpixx LOL yes, yes she did.

theycallme_quinn and i’ll do it again 🙄

thena and that’s on PERIODT!!!!!!

5,879,438 likes

j4d3yn.d HAPPY SIBLINGS DAY TO THIS DUMB BITCH!!!! LOVE YA YA CLOWN 😘😘😘

view all 10,453 comments

luna4k stfu whore

sophiadeal oh, no we don’t say things like that...

jacobdeal yeah we do

https.noah shhh we have to look like a good christian household 🤫

jacobdeal oh right! yeah no we don’t say things like that...

van.hetfield Are we just gonna ignore Noah’s username orrrr

#instagram au #social media au #guns n roses #Motley Crue #insta au #guns n rose next gen #motley crue next gen #80s rock #80s rock next gen

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mwitchipoo · 4 years

Text

In a previous post, I talked about the passing of Genesis Breyer P-Orridge. Gen passed away almost a month after S/He celebrated h/er 70th Lesser Feast, aka birthday.

I first heard about Psychic TV way back during high school. This was during the ’80s. It was nearly the height of my Siouxsie wannabe phaze, which actually last a few years. (During high school, I was a Siouxsie clone.) By this point I was hopping around all the import record shops down in NYC’s Greenwich Village area. I remember all of the Temple Record releases. I believe this might’ve been the era where Psychic TV tried to release 23 albums, on the 23rd day for 23 months. Already the PTV brand caught my eye.

One day, a friend told me a mutual friend of ours took her to see Psychic TV over at The (old) Ritz, which is where Webster Hall now stands. Her assessment wasn’t much. She called them ‘pretentious.’ Looking back, her attention span probably was due to the lack of the ‘cute’ guy factor. Despite her negative review, this only peaked my interest more. My disregard for her scoffing was proven correct. This ‘friend’ later went from being Goth to chasing after all those tacky hair metal glam bands of the late ’80s. Don’t ever trust a Guns n Roses fan.

The turning point was a purchase of the seminal RE/Search book Modern Primitives. Before tattoos, piercings and body modification were accepted in the mainstream, the underground movement was documented by V.Vale. After purchasing the book from See/Hear, I discovered a new world. Among those interviewed were Genesis P-Orridge and his first wife, formerly known as Paula P-Orridge. It wasn’t just tattoos they discussed. Through this book, I discovered many other worlds. I believe this was one of the first times I heard about Alister Crowley and William S. Burroughs. After reading about the frequency of the number 23, I started seeing 23s everywhere. Maybe it was my subconsciousness bringing it on. Later I discovered The 23 Current. It was my introduction to the esoteric, or occulture.

After barely graduating high school, I started collecting Psychic TV albums. Similarly I learned about the Thee Temple Ov Psychick Youth. I sent away for information. The instructions received wasn’t something I was prepared for – although I kept that manual for many years. (Might even still own it)

Finally had a chance to see Psychic TV live in NYC, year 1991. This was during their ‘Acid House’ era. To this day it still remains one of the best concerts I saw in my life. Why I say this. Looking back on the concert, it wasn’t the performance, but the vibe, the energy. It’s only now I realize that concert might’ve altered my life. My perceptions slowly started to change. Still, it wasn’t until many years later when I decided to act upon my influences.

As the ’90s went on, my life switched directions. Psychic TV wasn’t on my radar so much. Occasionally I brought scattered PTV releases, such as a (now) rare spoken word CD which was later *stolen* (a-hem). In the meantime, Gen, Paula and their two daughters had to go into exile. After settling in California, Gen and Paula divorced.

In California, Genesis P-Orridge later got into a nasty accident while hanging out with the British band Love & Rockets. Escaping a fire, Genesis later sued record producer Rick Rubin, winning a large financial sum.

Didn’t get into Psychic TV again until maybe around the early 2000s. By then, Gen had moved to NYC, met Lady Jaye, and a new chapter developed. It was known as the ‘Pandrogeny Project.’

youtube

In summer 2007, I saw Psychic TV live for the second time. The concert was at The Bowery Ballroom. I had just arrived back from Kansas City to NYC. It was the end of a chapter in my own personal life. During this gig, Lady Jaye was in the background playing the tambourine, as the latest incarnation of Psychic TV, now known as PTV3, embraced a more guitar psychedelic vibe. Video montages of the Pandrogeny couple flickered on stage as the band performed.

vimeo

NEW YORK STORY (2007) originally made as a video projection to be projected behind the band Psychic TV during their live performances. Breyer P-Orridge, also known as Genesis P-Orridge and (recently deceased) life partner Lady Jaye, have garnered attention in recent years by undergoing medical procedures to eliminate their physical differences. “One of the central themes of our work is the malleability of physical and behavioral identity,” they explain, giving rise to their merged identity. The two intended to create a new gender, the “pandrogyne” called Breyer P-Orridge. This video takes Breyer P-Orridges exploration of the fictional self one step further. A video about identity and trans/formation that blurs the line between fantasy and reality. A video by Nicolas Jenkins

Unfortunately Lady Jaye dropped her body that same year. I managed to catch this incarnation of PTV3, just in time.

After Lady Jaye’s death, Genesis Breyer P-Orridge continued with Psychic TV. I saw Gen’s spoken word performances numerous times during this period. (One spoken word project was known as Thee Majesty.) Once was when Gen was on the same bill as (early) Cold Cave and Boyd Rice. It was commemorating the anniversary of the Manson murders. The last spoken word GPO performance I saw was in 2015. S/He opened up for Japanese noise musician Merzbow. Gen’s whole set was really about Lady Jaye, eight years after her death. It was the saddest I’ve seen Gen. Afterwards, Gen walked on stage in the middle Merzbow’s set, no reason given. S/He stood there for a few minutes, then walked off. That was it. The concert version of “photo bombing.” My words the next day: ‘Gen is not a well woman.’

In 2016, Gen had an extensive exhibit at the Rubin Museum, Try To Altar Everything.

Winter 2019. I decided to see Cold Cave in concert again, partly because Psychic TV was booked to be the opening act. This was never meant to be. At this point, Gen was diagnosed with leukemia. The night of the concert, Genesis was much too ill to perform. PTV had no choice but cancel their set last minute.

That’s when I knew Gen didn’t have too long to live.

Luckily, Gen found a new love, who supported not only Gen emotionally, but was comfortable living with Lady Jaye’s memory.

Now it’s 2020, a year of chaos and uncertainly. While COVID-19 was just starting to be acknowledged as a serious threat, news broke about Gen’s passing. Just happen to be cruising through Instagram, when I stumbled upon a post by Cold Cave. Genesis Breyer P-Orridge went on to H/She’s Greater Feast on Gen’s death was expected, but it still left a void. Despite all the controversies, (people have told me over the years how S/he screwed many people over), Gen still broke boundaries, influencing many worldwide. It’s this blog post that I acknowledge the crucial influence GPO had upon me.

Here’s an illustration I did the other night. It’s Genesis P-Orridge from s/he early PTV days. Around the time Thee Temple of Psychick Youth was formed.

Poor-trait of Genesis Breyer P-Orridge from the early Psychic TV days. Illustration by Michele Witchipoo. March 2020.

The next and final GPO post will focus on COUM Transmissions and mainly, Throbbing Gristle. Stay tuned.

Psychic TV (R.I.P. GPO) In a previous post, I talked about the passing of Genesis Breyer P-Orridge. Gen passed away…

#art #genesis breyer p-orridge #Genesis P-Orridge #illustration #Lady Jaye #modern primitives #music #Paula P-Orridge #psychic tv #RE/Search

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boogiewrites · 5 years

Text

Choking On Sapphires 72

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Title & Song: Stay In My Corner

Word Count: 4200+

Summary: On a night out with Arthur, reminiscing over drinks at Alfie's club, a face she hasn't seen since she was young appears out of nowhere and stirs up all the bad feelings and past trauma that it brought upon her. Alfie reads her as always and finds out the truth, even if it hurts her too much to tell him herself. He delivers on his promise of no one ever hurting her and getting away it. **Chapter song is Stay in My Corner by The Arcs.**

Warnings/Tags: References to past sexual assault. Not graphically described. Language. Protective Alfie. Revenge by Alfie for Gen. Alfie finds out why Gen left home all those years ago.

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.)

Arthur had come down to London for business for Tommy. Having already finished that part of his trip, he decides to call you and see if you'd like to get together for the evening. He makes it a point to call this time around because the effects of not doing so last time were still burned into his memory when he found Alfie having his way with you on top of your desk.

You sit at a more secluded booth in Alfie's club. Both you and Arthur are drunk, sharing stories and talking about marriage and babies and life outside of crime. You would seem just as normal as anyone else if you'd eavesdropped on the conversation. You got to suspend reality a bit as Alfie made snarky comments and came and went to handle business and schmoozing as the opportunities presented themselves. He'd never admit it, but he was thankful for having Arthur around, he kept you good and distracted and he knew he wouldn't let harm come to a single hair on your head. If there was something he had in common with the Shelby's, and particularly Arthur, it was that they would always fight for and protect you. His suspicions of you and Arthur having more than friendship between you had long since passed and he was thankful for it.

The hefty payout for the job done for the country, the killing of the fascists and Nazi's had certainly helped sway Alfie in his acceptance of the Shelby's as allies. You'd told him as you rode back from Birmingham the night you'd gotten drunk and sang for the entire bar how elated you were that he would entertain working with Tommy again for you. You poured out how proud you were of him, how touched he would change his stubborn ways for you and even though you were drunk, he felt that you really meant it. You also profusely apologized for Tommy having lied to him, but he understood. He knee jerk reaction was to get angry, and he admitted that, but he saw your point of view very clearly. He'd had to test the loyalty of many men and he knew how little trust he had in them personally, so he could only imagine with what you'd been through how low most men will go when they want something. He gave you a little bit of hell for it, whenever you would ask him to do something simple, such as fetch you a drink if he was going to the kitchen, he would ask you if you were sure you trusted him to do such a thing. At first, you had taken it seriously and he felt guilty afterward as he watched your previously cheerful face fall and your shoulders slump. He'd had to dig his way out of that one with kisses. But you soon caught on it was his way of making you pay for having done it and that was a totally acceptable price in your opinion.

With no secrets between you, you were both rather content with your lives at the moment. Living together was a dream for you, getting him to yourself so often, getting to wake up to him every morning and at least get to have him in your bed every night. He had started sending you gifts again, not all grand, sometimes something as simple as flowers or a batch of fresh bread to the house during the day. He didn't want you to feel like you weren't being doted on, what with your insistence that you cut back on your admittedly, lavish spending habits. Claire had been in shock when you sat down with the books in front of her and told her it was time to go through them, organize them and see where to cut corners. But you weren't about to cut anywhere that would affect anyone else, only yourself. So you went without shipments of special soaps and perfumes from France, canceled your portrait painting, saying you should put it off until you were married and have one done together. You were honing in the ways you'd stayed wild while culling the reckless behavior you'd been unlearning with your time in London. You felt good, solid like you were really getting a hold on yourself and your life again. Alfie satisfied your sexual needs, willing to play and experiment with you and as you loved the man it kept you perfectly happy, never considering looking elsewhere. If you'd known being in love with someone could've helped you from wanting to flight about the pretty boys you would've tried harder long ago to find it.

So when you were out with Arthur one evening, drunk and happy and not a care in the world, when a person from your past comes into your line of sight it shakes you more than it would have if you'd been on your toes and sober. Alfie is standing and talking to some of his men, his barked words all white noise to you as Arthur gossiped and shared stories. You rose a glass of wine to your lips and when you freeze in mid-motion, it even catches you off guard.

Arthur's face frowns deeply, seeing your eyes go wide, your face pale out. "What is it Genny?" he asks loudly, his drunken voice an echoing boom no matter what he tried to make it sound like.

You take a shaky inhale, seeing the man in an expensive tailored suit, walking on the lower level and looking around. When your mouth opens, tongue moving and lips trembling but no words come out, Arthur switches into protective mode.

He sets his glass down, scooting closer, speaking more quietly, putting his hand over yours and lowering your glass to the table as your hand had begun to shake. "Genny. What's wrong?" he asks with a low brow.

"Someone's here." your answer barely above a whisper. "In the tall hat. The man in the three-piece suit and the mustache." Your eyes start to blur and sting, having not blinked since you saw him. You begin to get flustered. You lower your gaze and put your hands on the table.

Alfie notices the sudden silence and seeing your body language stiff he turns his attention to you, leaning over the back of the booth to put his hands on your shoulders. "Somefin' wrong?" he asks, quirking his brow to Arthur.

"She said 'ere's a man here. She's frozen, poor thing." Arthurs observes, keeping his eyes on you.

"Who, love?" Alfie asks.

"The man in the tall hat. Mustache. Three piece suit. In front of the bar." you say softly, your hands up and touching Alfie's for comfort, your face down at your lap.

"Is that... fuck me that innit Prittance is it?" Arthur says with such disdain in his voice that Alfie knows something is wrong. He signals to his men to stay where they are next to him.

You nod and swallow loudly. "I need to..." you begin, clearing your throat and trying to get out of the booth. "Please move Arthur I need to be excused."

"Right, right." he says, sliding out of the booth and helping you.

"Who is that, love?" Alfie asks, pulling you to him as you try to leave for the restroom, blocking you from the man's sight.

"I need to go to the loo Alfie, please." you say not meeting his eyes, but he could see they were scared.

"Genny, what'd he do to you?" he cuts through the needless questions and gets to the point.

You shake your head and try to move gently away again.

"Genny you know you have to tell me. What the fuck am I supposed to do when ya start acting like a scared little bird? Tryin' to fly away. My Genny bee doesn't fly away does she?" he tries to be supportive and lift your chin up.

You take his hand and hold it, lowering it but forcing your eyes to meet him. "If I told you, you would kill him." you say flatly, holding his eyes to show you were serious. He lets you go, his forehead wrinkling, eyes batting in confusion, mind firing off options quicker than he could explore them.

"You follow her. Don't let her out of your sight except for in the loo. If you hear ANYFIN' that sounds wrong you go in, yeah?"

The young man nods and follows behind you quickly.

He turns to Arthur, who is watching you shrink into the distance with sad eyes.

"Now who the fuck is that and what the fuck did he do to our Genny?" Alfie spits out quietly, his shoulders hunched and body language ready to tear the man apart.

"I 'on't know if it's my place to say, mate." he shakes his head, his lips in a tight line as he sighs.

"I fuckin' swear Shelby if you don't tell me I'll beat it out of ya. She innit gonna tell me, she's fuckin' terrified. Now, who the fuck would scare her in such a way?" he demands.

Arthur looks back to meet Alfie's eyes, they're clearly hesitant, but he knew he's right. "Well." he begins, taking a deep breath. "She told me one night when we's pissed yeah? Talkin' 'bout our fucked up childhoods 'n that ya know? Reminiscing the 'ol trauma." he shrugs. "Apparently that man." he turns to finds him on the floor again, moving slowly about the space. "Did some awful things. And he's the reason she were kicked out of 'er own home when she was but a wee girl." he nods.

"What'd he do?" Alfie's voice is deep and dark, more animal than human now.

"She wouldn't say." he shakes his head. "But my guess is it's something fuckin' awful. As awful a thing as a man like 'im can do to a young girl." he shakes his head and looks to the ground. "I don't even wanna think about it."

Alfie shoots daggers with his eyes at the man who is oblivious to it. "I'm gonna fuckin' shoot him." he says, hand twitching for his gun.

"Ya can't fuckin' go off like some fuckin' cowboy there, Solomons, he's a powerful man, ya gotta bide your time if you want to take someone like him out."

"Powerful?"

"Some member of government me thinks? Somethin' of the sort." he tries to recall.

"Someone her father would know." he states coldly.

"Exactly." he gives a nod. "She's comin' back. Don't look so bloody angry." he suggests. "'Ello Genny." Arthur greets you with a sad smile.

"Alfie, love? Could we go home?" you ask with your purse clutched in your hands tightly.

"'Course sweetie." he says, rubbing his hands on your arms. "Ollie take her out the back, will you? I'll be out in just a moment, love. Just gotta tell 'ese boys what to do for the night. Fuckin' useless innit that?" he smiles and kisses your head. His eyes are dark as Ollie takes your arm and escorts you to the back. "That man 'ere. I want him followed. But don't get fuckin' caught. If you do get caught. You don't fuckin' know me, right? Ya got it? If he leaves here, I want him followed. I'll be back later for 'im. Abe, set up the basement for me." he adds with a dark tone to his order.

"The basement, sir?" he asks with raised brows, suprised by the request.

"Did I fuckin' stutter? Yes the fuckin' basement." he hisses, his chin jutting out at the man.

"Yes, sir." they all nod and break away, Alfie getting his coat and putting it on, taking a deep breath to center himself, to put on an indifferent face for you for the night.

Alfie tells Arthur to stay for a bit, look like things are normal, have some drinks, flirt, fuck whatever it was he did these days then to come back to Gen's he'd need him there for the night.

Alfie baby's you and you don't mind in the least. You're feeling terribly small like you had all those years ago. You'd been doing so well, feeling so confident and in control and then this man who had at one point destroyed your life, stripping you from everything that you'd once had appears out of nowhere. You believe it not be coincidence. What with George trying to fuck with you now. Of course, it was London and Alfie's club was popular, but you don't know why someone who worked with your father would be at a Jewish owned club. But perhaps he didn't even know who's it was, it wasn't like he was from London.

"You need to slow that mind down, pet." Alfie says, pulling you into his side. "I see those eyes dartin' about." he taps you on the nose and let out a heavy sigh.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Nuffin' to apologize for." he clarifies, kissing your head. "Ya want me to fetch ya little sleepy vial for ya? Help ya calm down? he offers, rubbing your arm reassuringly.

"Yes, please." you give in, rubbing your temples as he goes to your cabinet and brings it to you, sliding back into the bed. "Thank you." you speak softly, taking a drink of it and putting it on the bedside table.

"You've been doin' very well wif talkin' 'bout your feelin's as of late. Would that help you now?" he asks, pushing your hair back from your face, as he laid on his side, pulling you into his chest.

"I don't... it hurts to recall." you admit. You feel him nod, his chin moving in your hair.

"You know I'd happily remove anyone who hurts you from the face of the fuckin' earth, my love." he offers.

"I know. But you can't kill him." you mutter.

"Why not?" he asks, stroking your hair down your back as he knows relaxes you.

"Just can't. Not him." you say, your words mumbling now, he knows the potion you took was working.

"Is he important to ya love?" he asks.

"No." you slur out and snuggle your face into his chest. "He's just bad." you let out before sleep takes you. He holds you until your breathing is still, your lips parted with little snoozes escaping them.

"I'm gonna get him for you, my love." he says, kissing your forehead as he covers you up with the blankets. You don't register it at all, he touches your cheek one last time before he leaves.

He dresses, moving to the phone after waiting for Arthur to come home. "Do ya have him?" He asks his men on the phone. "And he's left? Right." he pauses, rubbing his chin. "You have the boys what don't look Jewish get him yeah? Steal a car, don't let no one see ya. Get him quiet and fast. And people have seen him elsewhere since he's left the club? Good." he nods. "Get him to the basement then. String him up. I'll be there soon."

"Ya gonna get 'im anyway?" Arthurs' voice carries from the doorway.

"No one hurts her and lives." he says, pointing in the direction of your bedroom. "I need you here, yeah? I need you to be able to say I was here all night. I got her out with her little sleepy time medicine, right? So she'll be fine for a while."

"Ah. Need me to be an alibi I see."

"I do." he nods, moving to the foyer of your home.

"And what about us?" he hears Claire with arms crossed across her chest, Aggie standing sheepishly behind her.

"Fuckin' 'ell." he groans, his shoulders slumping. "I was hopin' you were asleep." he says obviously.

"She told me who she saw tonight. I know what you think you're going to do." Claire announces walking towards him.

"What I fink? It's what I am gonna do, Claire. No thinkin' 'bout it. It's good as done."

"You are right about the no thinking part." she scolds and he purses his lips.

"I need you all here for my alibi as well. She's sleepin', she'll think I've been there the whole time. She won't know."

"So more lies?" She spits out and Alfie feels his face burn.

This was a secret, wasn't it? He sighs at the realization, so easily falling into his old habits that he hadn't even realized. "Then I'll tell her after it's done, yeah?"

"She told you not to do that." Claire says harshly.

"No one does whatever that man did to her and gets away with it. She won't let me kill her fuckin' father, thinks it'd be too obvious but I'll be damned if I've not got men on him every minute of the day to do such a thing. I told her I would protect her and that's what I'm gonna fuckin do, yeah? No one hurts her and lives." he spits out, his finger once again pointing in your direction.

Claire takes a deep breath and turns to Aggie. "Go see to her, Aggie. I need to depart some knowledge that you don't want to relive onto Mr. Solomons," she says with a solemn nod and Aggie frowns, knowing she was right. She waits for her to be out of earshot, a quiet room with only the patter of Aggie's feet echoing down the hall. "You can't kill him." she states plainly.

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because Gen wouldn't want you to." her arms go back across her chest, a look of disappointment on her face. "He's in a government position. People will try to find out what happened. He isn't some disposable lad who has no one."

"And I have killed people more important than 'im and here I stand, yeah? I pay the cops, Claire. I'm not some daft fuckin' donkey who doesn't know what he's doin'." his tone showing he takes clear offense to her statement. "So you tell me what he did to her so I can know what punishment to give 'im." he says moving closer to her, his voice seething and his head low. "I can see you hate him too." he says nodding her way.

"I do. I've wished him dead for years." she states coldly.

"Then tell me and we can all have our revenge." he offers.

The deal is a sweet one if it worked out. She knew Alfie was no amateur, and if anyone could pull it off, it would be him. She saw in his eyes he meant everything he said and that as long as he was around, no one would hurt you and get away with it. "She had to leave home because of him." she says, taking a less aggressive sigh and looking away from his intense gaze.

"Why?" he asks after her pause goes on too long.

"He's a friend of her fathers. Genevieve was rejecting every suitor that he sent her way. And in no delicate way. She was always very outspoken and rebellious towards anything her father tried to make her do. As you can imagine." she shrugs. "So George told her he was forcing her to marry that man. So when he was invited over, George leaves them in a room together alone, and displeased with her reaction when he tells her this... he..." she lets out a long sigh and closes her eyes. "He abused her." she forces out and waits before opening her eyes again. "I was there. I heard them and was locked away across the hall with the other girls. We were powerless." she shakes her head, rubbing her arms recalling the dark days. "He told her no one would believe her. Her word against his. That she had no right to refuse, she was his property now and after he was done with her no one would want a broken, used thing like her."

Alfie is deadly still, his face showing no emotion and that was how she knew he was close to exploding. "Go on." he grits out between clenched teeth.

"So, she runs to her mother. Who was horrified by the whole thing and approached George about it. There was fight that nearly tore that old, gilded house down. You know how bad Gen gets, so you can imagine the behavior of the woman who birthed her." her brows are high and her lips tight. "He refused to believe them, despite there being clear proof of it. I still remember how shaken Gen was. Dealing with that at such an impressionable age and then being treated in such a way by her father. To call her a liar with her looking like she did." she slumps her shoulders. "It wasn't as if she thought George loved her or anything but you can understand how she was broken by it nonetheless. He forced her out, saying he disowned her. Awful things were screamed and said, slaps and shoves given and taken by both. He said things no young girl should ever hear from anyone. Let alone their father. It broke her. She's carried those words with her all these years. They've fueled her to be better, most times, but they also fuel her demons. They made her think there was something wrong with her, deep down. Thinking there was something amiss about her that she couldn't fix, that she was unwanted, unlovable. It fueled a lot of her reckless and wild behavior. If it wasn't for Altar reigning her in, who even knows what would've happened. He gave her focus. Her mother eventually, under the guise of caring about the family's public image, of course, talked George into keeping her in the family for legal reasons. But it took him a long time to come to that decision and she had to build herself up from nothing on her own after that." her shoulder shrug, her hands up in defeat.

"That man." Alfie nods, his face red and his brow almost hiding his eyes. "That man did this to my Chanah?" he chokes out, his throat tight.

Claire looks at him with pity, knowing how much it hurt to know something like that about someone you loved. She simply nods.

"Has he had any contact with her since? She acted like she saw a ghost."

"She's been forced to be civil in social dinner situations. Her father kept inviting him, so even if she came home he was there and she eventually stopped going."

His heart breaks, his blood pumps faster, his face seems as if he's looking far away. His eyes narrow and twitch, darting back and forth in their clear overload of emotion. He knew this meant there had been no remorse from his man's end and he didn't feel bad in the least for about what he was about to do to him. In fact, he had started to feel a lot better about it. Certain things about your behavior start to make a lot more sense. Overwhelmed didn't begin to cover how he felt. He clears his throat as he felt a bit as if he were drowning in his emotions, both for your sake and his. "I am going to make him pay. For what he did to her. For what I'm sure he's done to others like her." he points at the door.

"I wish I could say I was against it." she shakes her head, her face now sad, lost in memories. "But I'm not. If you tell her after the fact, I can let you go. Because she deserves peace. Seeing her like that tonight I..." she swallows and wipes her face quickly as a tear threatens to show.

"I saw it too." he says with a nod.

"Nothing scares her anymore and she was..."

"Terrified."

"Yes." she nods and sighs. "I was hoping she had put it behind her but..." she shrugs. "Things like that don't fade so easily." she almost mumbles, but Alfie is close enough to hear.

"They do not." he says in agreement. "I will tell her, yeah? I will be careful. I will make him pay for what he's done to our girl. Be sure of that. She won't let me kill her father, but I will kill this man." he gives a stern nod.

"Be quick." Claire manages a whisper. "He doesn't deserve it but the sooner you're back-"

"The betta, yeah, I know." he says standing back up straight, fixing his coat and moving towards the door. "Thank you Claire. For telling me."

She gives a sad smile a nod. "I believe you to be the man for her. I wouldn't tell you otherwise. She's a complicated woman who has been through a lot and if I can share things like this with you and her not know I told you, then your ability to handle her better is worth the minor betrayal on my behalf."

"And I thank you for it. She will not know it was you. I guarantee that. I will be back as soon as I can." he gives a curt nod and with that, he disappears into the night to do the devil's work.

@fangirlfreakingout @jaegeeeeer @cosettewinchester @lookuptheskyisfalling-blog @brianaisasongbird @cry5t4l-w4rri0r @iliveonchocolateandnetflix @jess2464 @hardygal69 @thegarrisonpublichouse @a-flock-of-angry-pigeons @pootle @negansdirtygirl22 @musingsby-night @wtf-is-wrong-with-this @shine-dont-shadow @inkinterrupted @vale0413 @lafayettes-baguettes-1 @sxlomons @aphnxrising @emerald-bijou @elaenom @give-jack-a-lightsaber @anrm1 @ultrablackwidower @tinastarkandco @arrowswithwifi @marvelgirl7 @they-are-not-just-stories @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes

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filmsthirteen · 5 years

Text

Finding Myself through Cameron Crowe Films

*Minor Spoilers*

There are a handful of directors, writers, artists, and singers who have influenced my life. Yet there is only a handful of them who consistently released art that contributed to the person I have moulded into, (despite only being 19 and thinking this is the final version of myself). But one filmmaker in particular, resonates as having created films that were pressed play constantly as a teenager. That filmmaker is the man, the myth, the legend, Cameron Crowe. If it were up to me, he’d be Sir Cameron Crowe. An artist who had managed to shape multiple generations and accurately reflect on generations that once existed. From the early eighties, Crowe has contributed to the films that teens flocked to the theatre to see when they were released, and many years later, those teens would show their kids those films. Thus, I was thankfully brought up by brilliant films such as Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Say Anything, Singles, and Almost Famous. All those films manage to capture adolescence and young adulthood, through numerous characters, eras, and most importantly, through the use of music. Now that I’m in my final year of being a teenager, and entering the next phase of my life, I thought it was time to thank Cameron Crowe for guiding me through these seemingly treacherous years.

I was raised on eighties films. I always had the blessing of having parents who were really into films, and so I was constantly shown film after film. Many of them were teen films of the eighties. So, of course, there were many late nights of watching Pretty in Pink, Heathers, and Risky Business. Though Crowe's films obviously ended up in the mix, the first time I remember sitting down to watch one of his films ended up being around thirteen. My Dad got me one of those three pack special DVDs from Walmart, with Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club. Both of them I was absolutely obsessed with and made me long to be a teenager. Despite John Hughes being the legend he is, the third film, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, was the one that stuck with me through all four years of high school. I watched the film on my own the night before my first day of high school. I was starting that year off fresh; all my friends were going to the public school, while my parents shipped me off to the Catholic school the next town over, where I’d have to wear khaki cardboard material like pants, and polyester shirts in either green, white or blue. I worried my entire summer about the first day of high school; walking down halls I didn’t know, sitting beside people I never had the pleasure of knowing since kindergarten. On Stacy's (Jennifer Jason Leigh) first day of high school, American Girl by Tom Petty plays. Immediately I grabbed my iPod touch, added it to my iTunes, and played it on repeat on my hour and a half long bus ride, and into the doors of the school. Minus doing it with an older dude, getting pregnant, and brushing up my blowjob skills with a carrot in front of the cafeteria, I wished I was like Stacy. Having a cool job in the mall, somehow being gorgeous all the time (even during exam season?) and having a really sweet guy like Mark take you on a date to a really fancy German restaurant, seemed like an experience I deserved. But Cameron wrote about things in this film so painfully realistic to the high school experience, even thirty years later. I knew girls who went out with weird guys way too old for them, having plans for the future destroyed, and of course, having a teacher who thinks that everyone is on dope (which they're totally right about). It doesn't exaggerate the experience of a teenager, making the film so close to the truth as a film can get. Perhaps its due to Crowe actually spending the year as an undercover student, and honestly, all teen films should've been fact-checked like this one.

Less than seven years later, Crowe came out with Say Anything. Though my Mom loves this movie, and used to watch it whenever it would come on TV, it was the 2010 film Easy A that actually got me to watch the movie. I made it a point to go back and watch all those films that Emma Stone’s character lists off when discussing if chivalry is dead. Thus I ended up watching Can’t Buy Me Love, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and of course, Say Anything. I wanted my life to be like an 80s movie directed by John Hughes, but I got it so much better, I got a life unintentionally directed by Cameron Crowe. And because of that, I fell in love with wanting to be that smart girl like Diane Court. I look back now on how much studying I did in high school, and how it paid off to where I am now. It’s important for filmmakers to add these characters, ones were they say that girls can be pretty and smart, not settling for the cliched pick and choose scenario. So I worked hard, writing endless essays, studying late at night for a math test, and juggled clubs and activities. But still, I wished to also have that and be wanted by someone. Like Lloyd Dobler, who wants Diane so much, its all he thinks about. But listen, for once I can say the character of Lloyd isn't some creepy dude, who has an obsession and is purely motivated by this girls essence. Again, there are way too many films with the lead guy being solely provoked by a woman's body. But when he gets her, he holds on, noting that her feelings are reciprocated. She could go off to Oxford, and he’d be right there. Perhaps love at this age is rare, but when you know, well you know. And that's a huge difference that my generation can see. Though many of us have grown up with divorced parents, constant cheating, and unreciprocated feelings, at such a young age, we shouldn't keep that from the actual emotions that we are meant to feel for another human. Maybe we are supposed to give it all, and as I watch this film, I’m not wondering what if Lloyd didn't go about the relationship as he did, I wonder how Lloyd and Diane are. Because like I said, he wants her so bad that he stands outside of her house after a fight, holding that boombox up high, blasting the best love song of all time, In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel. I can’t even tell you the amount of times I’ve had that song on an endless repeat, but I can promise that I most likely broke the record the summer of ‘18. I longed to be sought after like Diane (cause who honestly doesn't want to be so enormously desired by someone you love?). By the end of the August heat, I laid awake at night, waiting for that song to be played outside of my window (actually would've freaked me out but still, the thoughts nice). But that song ended up being played during the fall, plenty of times in the cold winter days, and in the early spring, all the while so content with listening to it at this very moment. Sometimes boys and girls, it's good to just say anything (add wink emoji here).

Despite still being totally obsessed with all things of 80s culture, it's time to bring up that phase that wasn't ever a phase, but the depths of my soul. The tenth grade brought about my “grunge phase.” I got my nose pierced, splurged on Doc Martens, stocked my closet with various coloured flannel shirts and band tees. I wanted people to know that I listened to Nirvana, Guns n Roses, and Pearl Jam, despite it being on my shirt that I’d wear under my uniform sweater. My eyeliner was thick black, and my tweets were usually lyrics from some band part of the Seattle Sound. My Dad was in his teens when the Seattle sound came about, and thus as a kid, I spent many car rides hearing Alice in Chains ‘Dirt’ album, Pearl Jam’s the ‘Ten’ album, and Nirvana’s ‘Unplugged’ album on the radio. For me, I was the real shit when it came to this era of my life. And that became the perfect opportunity for my dad to introduce me to Crowe’s ‘92 film Singles. A group of young adults who all live in (a now extremely famous) the same apartment complex, during the height of the Seattle sound. Surprise surprise, they reside in Seattle. Honestly, there could've been no better film for my dad to turn on. With cameos from my bae Eddie Vedder and the late Chris Cornell, the film brings so much to the group of young adults who chose to immerse themselves in real boy bands, compared to whatever the other ones who sang with earpieces paired with synchronized dances did. No offence. Dealing with the idea of relationships, whether we are to settle or have fun in our 20s, Singles is supposed to be about Gen Xer’s, yet, I can see how many millennials still have this issue. There are plenty of girls I know who have used their ex’s t-shirts to clean their toilets, and though we aren't making dating VHS’s, they are perfecting their tinder profiles, hoping that actual human connection exists on the other end. The biggest point in the film that got me, (despite being sixteen trying to imagine myself in four years time), was the whole fear of what if you commit and what if you don’t? There are many ways you can mess up potential, and still, it lies within not calling after a date, or in our case, texting after hanging out. Sometimes we just need people to say and do the right things without having to tell them what is the right thing to do or say. And if it all works out, we’ll end up like Steve and Linda who move out the single bedroom apartment, and into never having to be labelled again as a single.

Eight years came about the semi autobiographical story of Crowe himself, Almost Famous. The film with the best soundtrack of all time, due to it having a budget of 3.5 million, compared to most films with budgets of about 1.5 million. Honestly, that's the best use of money in all of human history. And thanks to Zooey Deschanel’s duffel bag, we get to hear Simon and Garfunkel, Led Zeppelin, The Beach Boys, and everyone's favourite, Elton John. You cannot tell me you did not get goosebumps hearing Tiny Dancer being sung in unison by Kate Hudson, Billy Crudup, Patrick Fugit, Jason Leigh, and well I could go on forever about the well-casted film. Before watching the film, I remember that Fool in the Rain was my favourite Zeppelin song. But after watching it for the first time, I had probably had listened to Led Zeppelin’s song Tangerine a hundred times. If a film has such tangible (see what I did there) scenes, and a song contains such a powerful presence, then that is mastering filmmaking in my opinion. Thus, this film was watched during all sorts of moments in my adolescence. The time I wanted to work as a journalist for Rolling Stone, when I was in need of a change, and when I was absolutely alone and only a Cameron Crowe film understood me. And each time I was damn near tempted to be a roadie for a somewhat known band, who hopefully was opening for Black Sabbath. Actually, it was very much this film that got me more obsessed with concerts than I was before. I’d buy tickets as soon as they’d go on sale, mostly to smaller bands, that way I’d have a chance of being up close, and even meeting the band. Like William, I’d wait by the stage doors for the band. Dragging my friends to the concert at least twelve hours before the show would start, just so I could meet bands like Peach Pit, Pale Waves, Colouring, and well other indie bands that I’m sure slim to no adults know. Believe me, I’d wait a week for Black Sabbath if I could. But beyond that, I think that every young person deserves the life, encapsulated in this film; of just going out there and being absolutely free. You know, before life kicks in. And that's really what this film, amongst nearly all of Crowe's films, demonstrate. Get out there kid, put on those headphones, blast some Lynyrd Skynyrd, and just live before you die. Being obsessed with listening to classic rock, I devoured the only season of Paul Feig’s Freaks and Geeks, and had Almost Famous’s soundtrack on repeat. I owned a long green army jacket, and also a faux sheepskin sherpa coat. I was both Lindsey Weir and Penny Lane. I was walking down the two hallways of my high school, and the one street of my small towns downtown, earbuds in, Fleetwood Mac blasting. And through the many characters of these films, they reminded me that I’m here for the art. For the music from the Bookends album, the score of a Tim Burton film, and the tracks of a Tarantino picture. Like Kathy and Paul who went off to see America, Lindsey who goes off to a Grateful Dead concert with her best friend, and Penny Lane who is off to her dream destination of Morocco, I myself am off to see and hear the world.

It's odd to look back on these films that meant so much to who I was and who I’ve become. I’m in my last year of being a teenager, and I’m almost done university’ yet I still feel so attached to these characters I feel that I someway embodied. But that's not because I based my life off these characters Crowe created, it's really because Crowe based these characters off of people that exist in life. In those years of watching any teen film out there, Crowes (and of course Hughes) inspired me to look around constantly, taking notes on the friends I had spent lunches on Thursdays, discussing films with, just in case I’d make a film reminiscent about them. In my seemingly ordinary life, Crowe told me to go out and grab those who write seemingly precognition notes in your yearbook. Most importantly, Crowe told me to just let the music guide me through life. And for that, I got my life to be directed by Cameron Crowe.

INT. Credits being to roll, as ELTON JOHN’S TINY DANCER plays.

FADE OUT

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sammyhale · 7 years

Text

J2 MinnCon 2017 Main Panel

Jared to first time convention goers: “So, Supernatural is a show about two brothers. Sam and Dean-”

He talks about how Jensen and he have been able to play pretend on the show for 13 years and not sure how many people can say they’ve done the same.

Jared thanks the fans for letting him bring Sam to life. “I love Sam Winchester. I dig him. He’s kind of a nice dude.”

Jared: How many people here are Minnesota natives? We’re surrounded! Let’s run! They’re too cold to chase us! lol

Jared’s back hurts. Jensen: Is your back affecting your brain? Jared: Yes! My back brain.

Salmon Dean jokes.

Jared finds out a fan often has their last name mispronounced. Jared teases: Oh, boo hoo! How do you think I feel?

The weirdest pronunciation of Jensen’s last name is Ake-less. People have pronounced Jared’s last name as Padel-ski.

Jensen tells a story of a news guy who just gave up trying to pronounce Jared’s name lol.

Jared: Chad Michael Murray, who I met 17 years ago on GG. Y’all weren’t born yet. Jensen: I was born, but never heard of it.

Chad gave Jared the nickname Padawhacker lol.

Jared jokes: Don’t watch GG, you’ll see what a real man Dean can be. Jensen: I’m not even sure there was men on the show.

Jensen: If the script says that we eat pizza next week, the prop person asks us in advance for our order.

Jensen hates pickles. Doesn’t like condiments either. He knows when a pickle has been picked off. “Don’t play that with me, I know there was a pickle here.”

Jensen had to film a hot dog scene recently but didn’t want to eat lots of onions, so he had radishes chopped up to look like onions. Jared’s favorite part was food hanging from Jensen’s lip while talking and Alex couldn’t hold it together lol.

If Jensen could change something about Dean he would have them not make him eat as much!

Jared appreciates the differences between him and Sam, like some things that might annoy him.

Jensen: “I wish we used more gadgets. There are so many things in the back of the Impala that we never use. Obviously the big ticket item, the grenade launcher, finally got used. Next on the list is the grappling hook!”

Jensen wants Dean climbing up with a grappling hook and for Sam to be like, the door’s open...

Jared: There have been almost a dozen Supernatural episodes named after Led Zeppelin songs (makes crowd name them).

Jensen: I know I have all of Led Zeppelin’s vinyls at home. Jared: Because he’s old!

There’s a sign in the crowd that is supposed to say “We love Sam and Dean” but the N fell off so it says “We love Sam and Dea” - Jared: I can see this sign in the audience that says...We love Sam and the Drug Enforcement Agency!” lol

Fan asks: If you could relive any day, which day would you relive and why? Fans shout out: Tuesday!

Jensen about his twins being born: My wife is way cooler than me, she was cool as a cucumber. And on a lot of drugs!

During the birth, Arrow didn’t want to turn over. Jensen: She’s stubborn like her mother. They were C-section babies.

Jensen tells the story about how Jared knows him so well that he told him to check to make sure he had his passport when Danneel was about to go into labor with the twins and Jensen really had forgotten it. Jensen to Jared: I don’t know how you knew.

When they made it back to Austin, Jensen’s friend in the police department drove him through 7 stoplights so that he could make it in time for the twins being born.

Jared calls Gen and Danneel badasses :)

The day Jared wants to relive the most hasn’t happened yet. It’ll be the last day of filming Supernatural. Jared: I know after we film the last episode I’ll want to do it all again.

Jared on the last day of filming SPN: It’ll be us and hopefully Collins is there and whoever else, and it’s going to go by so fast.

Jared: The last day of filming is going to be hard and the next day will be sad but hopefully that’s many years from now.

Jared: “If Sam and Dean knew everything that would happen to them over 13 years, would they do it all over again? Yes.”

Jensen about fans who have seen every episode twice: “You complete me.”

Jared: That’s badass. Jensen: You’re badass.

Boys talking about when they knew they’d be good friends and brothers.

Jensen knew instantly that he and Jared would be friends. The first and only time they fought, he realized it would be a solid relationship. They got into a fight once in the early days of SPN and then sat down and said, “That can’t happen again” and it never did <3

Jared: The struggles are the moments in a relationship when you figure out whether it’s worth it to carry on or not. When something is tested is when you’ll see if it’s worth it.

Jared also knew that they had a lasting friendship the first time they got jumped.

Jared: “We got jumped and Ackles came back to make sure his boy was alright.”

The moment where Dean stuffed candies into his pocket was unscripted, Jensen just wanted candy.

Jared: The writers, directors, crew, etc, know that we really understand our characters, we’re not just trying to look cool.

Jensen about being allowed to change scripts. “There is a trust there, and we haven’t broken it, and we wouldn’t break it.” One of Jensen’s favorite parts of the show is the collaboration.

Boys say the best idea wins. Not a lot of room on the set for ego.

On anxiety and depression - Jared: Sometimes love and affection and support isn’t enough. You need someone unbiased. I proudly have therapy twice a week.

Jared: I had a day when I wasn’t sure I’d see the sun rise again. But I haven’t had a day where I feel like I’m tortured in years.

Jared on how to deal with depression and anxiety: Seek professional help, period. “I don’t have bad days anymore. Haven’t in years. Thanks for y’all’s support. Go get professional help. It works.

Jensen: I took a drama class in high school because I had to take an arts elective and didn’t want to sing and couldn’t draw.

Jared: I still have a lot of life to live. Though I do feel old and I have grey hair.

Jared about acting: If it sucks and you want to walk away, then walk away. But if it sucks and you feel like it’s worth it, keep going.

Jared’s oldest son, Tom, just started school this week. Jared: I remember my first day of kindergarten, and I wanted to talk to my son on his, too, so I FaceTimed him. Jared set his alarm for 4:30AM so he could.

Fan: Is there any bad guy or monster you’d like to face off against again? Jared: Ruby!

Jared, imitating his kids watching SPN in the future: “Daddy, why did Uncle Jensen kill Mom?”

Jensen would like to see Death back on SPN.

Jared: The best thing I learned to do in therapy, and am still learning, is to see everything for what it is.

Jared: Stop using the word mistake. You didn’t make a mistake you made a decision. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of great. Jared says that Jensen helps him with his perfectionism.

Jared says that whenever he feels negative about things Jensen lifts him up.

Jared mentioned that he struggles feeling good in his body and will tell Jensen that he feels fat and Jensen will tell him that he looks good.

Jensen: If you make a mistake you’re not losing. You’re either winning or learning.

Fan has a question for Jared. Jared pushes Jensen away. Jared: Every time I push Jensen, take a shot!

It took Jared two years to write his 40 page chapter for FDEWB. He finds writing very anxiety inducing.

Jared: The Padaleckis and the Ackles went to Turks and Caicos together a couple years back. Jared was writing the chapter during that vacation. Jensen was like: You know we are on vacation, right?

Jensen: He kept writing his chapter, so I walked away. Jared: In a little Speedo. And I was like, are those a roll of certs in your front center pocket? The boys are cracking up. Jensen: I have all sorts of sweet treats in my pocket.

Jared says if he writes more, he might just put it on Gen’s blog. He mentioned the blog as a way to continue writing.

Jared: “There’s a certain freedom that I feel when they call action. I’m free to be whoever I am.”

Jensen about getting through hard times: I go to family, friends, and if that doesn’t work I go to the gun range.

Jensen says he tries to be very practical about his expectations, where he is, where he wants to be, and sometimes he’ll make a list.

Jared: Pain is mandatory. Suffering is optional. Pain happens. Get through the pain and be the badass rockstar you are.

Random tweets after the panel: some penis jokes lol and lots of touching between the boys.

Info via: Fangasm, Kelsi, Rose, Zee, Sil’s livetweet list

#j2 #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #minncon #spnminn #panel sum #long post #shpost

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shinningstarz · 4 years

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U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much. V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? and R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

U: Share Three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them.

Hmm.... Snapthevolleynerd aka @espressos-world, he really made me cry with doing something in Who Are You Really? I can't wait to see where this one goes. He also made me cry making me think Gir won't be in Nobody But You, false alarm but he really let me think that.

I don't really know beyond him. Oh wait! There's @bamsara even tho it's been a hot while since I read Sara, last time I read Sara was the jer€m¡ke (censored to not show up in tags), and I haven't read the newer stuff yet, but even back then I really liked Sara's flow and control of the story.

And I don't really know about a third, I'm a little picky with my writers, I tend to binge read then go through and maybe subscribe to the author if I like them.

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not by you, which would you choose?

This one is tough, because I don't really have a fic I'd write the sequel or prequel to. I tend to read fics for inspiration for my fics but I haven't thought, "Hey this needs a sequel" or "Hey this needs a prequel." So I don't really know. Maybe some day.

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Yes! Actually. I consider Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl a big influence for how I try to protray thoughts in my stories, P.C. and Kristen Cast mother and daughter team up vaguely influence how I deal and handle the change in point of views when dealing with multiple protags, even if you have like that main big one, they influence how I handle stuff dealing with groups.

As for fanfic writers, tons of people have done next gen goes to parent past before they're together before, but I wanted my own twist on that, that's how free the future came about. I'm even trying my hand at the next gen one, but again, with my own twist, Guns N' Roses. Then the dragon ball bs au was just, I'm back on my bullshit.

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green-eyeddragonfanfiction · 7 years

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Time: Chapter 1

Summary: Soulmate!AU/Reincarnation!AU. Female!Reader lives in a world where alien invasions and hordes of death robots occur and past lives and soulmates are very real. Like most people, she gets brief glimpses of her past. although a person’s past lives and their current life may have little to nothing in common, soul mates tend to transfer between lives, the core of a person staying the same throughout the eons. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader, Steve Rogers x Female!Reader Warnings: Language, violence, death, guns Word Count: 2,301 A/N: I’m back, friends. I hope you enjoy! Things I never thought I’d be doing at 5 am: looking up gun models and how to shoot them. Also, Steve’s middle name is Grant.

Masterlist // Next Chapter

2012, New York City

You’d thought about moving many times. New York was nice, but way expensive. You owned a small coffee shop in The Village. The property had been in your family for generations. It was stable enough now, after five years of hard work, that you weren’t worried about it falling apart if you weren’t physically there to look after it. You’d looked at some places a little farther north, and even a couple places on the west coast near Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco. A change of scenery was something you needed after living in the Big City your whole life. Now, you’d wished you had.

Debris rained down around you as you ran away from Midtown Manhattan. To where, you weren’t entirely sure. Away from the murderous aliens on speeding hovercar contraptions was a good first step. It was the end of the world, you were sure. Unlike everyone else, who’d gawked dumbly at the sky when a giant beam of light shot up from Stark Tower and ripped a whole in reality, you had run. You’d seen enough horror and sci-fi films to know when shit was about to hit the fan. Some people might have once you thought silly for putting stock into the fantasy world of comic books and movies, but you argued that you practically did live in one with men like Tony Stark and Captain America around. Hell, the Captain even had trading cards.

You weren’t sure how much of a head start you got, but it didn’t feel like much of one. Within two minutes of the portal opening in the sky, the aliens had come pouring through the streets. People ducked behind cars and upturned patio tables in an attempt to survive the barrage of energy blasts coming from the aliens’ guns. Your lungs burned as you ran through the streets of Greenwich Village.

You ducked into your coffee shop, narrowly avoiding the blast of an alien’s gun. A few patrons were cowering under the tables, bags clutched in their hands in front of them like shields.

“May! Get everyone into the back,” you yelled, locking the door behind you. You were thankful you’d sprung for nice, stylish, sturdy metal doors. As much as you missed the beautiful old oak ones, these would hold much better against energy blasts... or so you’d hoped. May and Dean’s heads popped up from behind the marble counter, eyes wide with fear.

“Boss, what’s happen-” May began.

“Now, May! Dean, you start closing the shutters. It’ll be harder for them to get in if there’re metal bars in the way,” you barked. They didn’t move. “Now!” you growled. “Unless you don’t like living anymore!”

That seemed to return the feeling to their legs. May hopped up, urging the customers to follow her into the back room, which led to a sturdy cellar that might hold out if they started dropping heavier artillery. Thank god for World War Two architecture. Dean reluctantly left his spot behind the counter but ran speedily towards the front of the shop and began closing the metal shutters on the two large front windows.

“Turn the tables on their sides once you’re done- they’ll give us some cover and turn into obstacles for those ugly bastards,” you direct him. You pushed past petrified customers and ran into the back room. You silently thanked your Papi for being way too paranoid and a little bit of a hick as you opened the large safe hidden behind some of your store’s merchandise. You punched in the last number and wrenched the door open, eyes scanning the guns inside.

Before he’d died, he’d shown you how to load and shoot all five of the guns. He’d kept a small army’s worth of ammunition inside the safe with them, and as much anxiety as that had caused you once upon a time, you were grateful for it now. You loaded the Glock 26 Gen 3 and placed it on top of the safe as you loaded one of the shotguns- a Remington 870. A hand on your shoulder startled you and you swiveled, ready to fight for your life.

May flinched, arms coming up to defend herself. You breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Sorry, Boss,” she said, eyes wide, dark curly hair messier than usual, obscuring her pretty face.

“It’s alright, May. You know how to shoot a gun?” you asked, picking up the Glock.

“No, ma’am,” she asked, paling.

“Alright, it’s pretty simple. Hold it with both hands, keep your arms straight, aim, pull the trigger,” you said, handing her the gun carefully. “That Glock has no safety. Keep your finger off the trigger until you’re ready to shoot,” you said, giving her a reassuring pat on the shoulder as she stared at you, horrified.

“Dean, get in here!” you yelled through the doorway. He appeared a moment later, cheeks flushed from the exertion of turning the cafe on its head.

“Do you know how to shoot a gun?” you asked him, picking up the Remington.

“My dad took me shooting once when I was ten,” he asked, looking from you to the shotgun in confusion.

“Alright, do you remember what you used?”

“A handgun, I think?” he said, doubtful.

You sighed. “Alright. This isn’t anything like a handgun except in that it also succeeds at killing things with metal and gunpowder. You see this?“ You asked, pointing to the lower tube. He nodded. “This is the magazine. I have four shots loaded,” A terrifying, loud explosion rattled the floor beneath you. May and Dean’s eyes widened in fear, heads swiveling for the source of the noise. “Focus!” you barked. Their gazes snapped back to you. “Four shots loaded. There are eight more on the butt of the gun here,” you said, pointing to the shells strapped to the side. “Keep count of your shots. When you run out or get a minute, you can reload here,” you explained, flipping the gun over to show where one could load it. You popped another shell into the magazine, demonstrating for him so he would hopefully remember. “Five shots, now. Here.” you said, handing it to him. He stared at you blankly, not taking the gun, face pale. You groaned, shoulders sagging.

“I know, Dean. Shit’s fucked six ways to Sunday, but you need to focus. I’m terrified, too. But if you think those alien bastards are going to take me down without a fight, you’re mistaken,” you said, shoving the gun to his chest. “Fight. For. Your. Life,” you said forcefully, staring him down. He gulped and nodded, taking the gun from you. “Good man. Brace the gun to your right shoulder. Stare down it to aim. Pull the pump back to load a shell into the chamber. Push it back forward into place to finish loading it. Pull the trigger to fire. Rinse and repeat,” you said, turning back to the safe to finish loading the last of the guns. You loaded the Colt Python revolver for yourself, jamming it in the back of your pant’s waistband, internally cringing at the breach of gun safety. You loaded the other Glock, placing it on top of the safe. At last, all that was left was the Ruger 10/22 Semi-automatic. You threw its strap over your head and onto your shoulder, gun on your back, and handed May and Dean boxes of ammunition.

“I pray to whoever might be listening that they don’t make it through those doors, but if they do, we have to be as ready as possible,” You said, grabbing ammunition for your three guns. May and Dean nodded. You could see it on their faces; They were determined but afraid. You internally cursed at the travesty of gun safety as your jammed the Glock into the front of your waistband. Desperate times and all that. You peeked into the store. Whatever had caused the explosion hadn’t seemed to affect your store. You took up a defensive position behind the counter. “May, you’re going to be shooting whatever comes through the windows or door, with me. If it gets closer, let Dean take care of it. The shotgun is better at close range- tiny death pellets’ll rain hell down upon ‘em from that thing. You just focus on trying to make sure they don’t make it that far. Keep your head down as much as possible. Try not to pop up in the same spot- they’ll expect it. Got that?” you said, glancing at the two of them next to you, sitting beside each other. They nodded, unconsciously reaching for each other’s hands. Huh. You wondered when that had happened. “Don’t get dead, guys,” you said, standing to rest your arms on the counter to help steady your aim. “If we survive this we’re going out to a fancy restaurant for dinner- I’m buying,” you said winking down at them. They both gave you a brave smile. You turned your attention back to the door, trying to ignore the fear in the back of your mind. You wondered if you had been a soldier in one of your past lives- it might explain why you were able to stay calm even though every nerve in your body was screaming at you to run. But you had a shop full of customers downstairs. People with friends, family. Who had no hope of defending themselves. You refused to stand by and let yourself and others be killed.

The aliens that had been clambering over their dead companions suddenly dropped, lifeless. You stared at them in disbelief, waiting for them to move again. You hadn’t shot them. After a minute, when they didn’t so much as twitch, you rose up from behind the counter slowly. You raised your revolver and fired a round straight into the chest of the one closest to you that had been alive a moment ago.

Not so much as an eyelid flutter or gasp of breath. No hiss of pain.

Next to you, Dean was sobbing, clutching May’s lifeless body to his chest, gun forgotten at his side. His hand grasped hers, his lips placing tender kisses to her umber knuckles and forehead, begging her to wake up. His fingers tangled into her messy mop of curly black hair. Her dark, glassy eyes stared up at the ceiling, seeing nothing.

You sunk down to the floor next to them, adrenaline leaving your body now that there wasn’t an immediate threat in front of you. “She’s gone, Dean,” you whispered, tears filling your eyes.

“No, no! She can’t be- She-” he broke off, sobbing as he rocked back and forth, clutching her to his chest. It was like he didn’t see that a sizeable chunk of her chest was missing, vaporized by a shot with one of the alien’s guns. “She was my soul mate,” he whispered in a choked voice.

“Oh hell, Dean... I had no idea. You never told me,” you said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“We only just found out recently... asked to see each other’s soul brand... We both thought it might be each other, y’know?” He smiled faintly at the thought. It slid off his face as he returned the present. “Sure enough, our initials were on each other’s brand. When I saw D.A.H. there on her skin... I was the happiest man on earth. She saw her own initials and-” he sobbed and tears dripped down onto May’s face. “-I’ll never forget her smile. She-” he broke off, unable to stop the sobs as they wracked his body. You wrapped your arms around them both, ignoring the acrid scent of burning flesh coming from May’s body and rubbed circles into his back. There were no words of comfort you could give him. Losing one’s soulmate was nearly worse than dying. And he had watched it happen in front of him. He’d been unable to protect he and she’d died helping defend him. The only comfort they had was that they might meet again in their next lives. But that wouldn’t be very comforting to him. They were both young, fresh out of high school, working at your cafe to save money for college. He would have to go through the rest of his life without her.

You held him as he cried out everything he had, clutching his dead soul mate to his chest. Something in the corner caught your eye. The TV had turned back on, broadcasts returning to inform everyone of the situation. Apparently a group called The Avengers had closed the portal and stopped a nuke from destroying the city. Allegedly, as soon as the portal closed, all of the aliens had dropped dead. If you hadn’t seen it happen with your own two eyes, you wouldn’t have believed a word of it. Whatever The Avengers did stopped them, though. You felt your breathing stop as a choppy, grainy video of a man and woman fighting in the streets of New York came on. She wore a suit made entirely of black leather and was expertly killing aliens with one of their own weapons.

The man was who truly caught your attention, though. Even though the outfit had changed a bit, you recognized him immediately. You’d heard rumors he was back, found preserved like some sort of human popsicle in a huge iceberg near Greenland or something. You hadn’t dared to believe. But there he was, fighting aliens on New York streets. Your heart ached, one of your past lives recognizing him as the love of its life. You sighed, melancholy. You glanced down at your wrist. In your mind’s eye, you could see the initials S.G.R written there beneath the scrap of fabric you kept it hidden with.

Chapter 2

This series is finished, but if you want to be tagged in my other fics, check out this post! Sorry, but responses to this post asking to be tagged will be ignored, so send me an ask or like one of the taglist posts!

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#marvel fanfiction #Bucky x Reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #captain america #winter soldier #soulmate!au

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